[[Housekeeping note: Much of what went on here before my long hiatus is getting retconned. My headcanons have changed since then.]]

[[I also need to redo my pages, so please don't pay much mind to them in the meantime.]]

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

TVARCHIVE'S TV APPRECIATION WEEK 2023 | DAY 5: lgbtq+ pride —Denise Bryson in Twin Peaks (1990, 2017) 🩵🩷🤍

"Oh, you're trans? Are you mtf, ftm, mtnb, or ftnb?" Actually, I'm ftmtnbtftnbtmtnbtmtftxtnbtmtqtmftnbtmtfnbtmtxtmtmnbtmtnbtmtxtqtnbtmtfmnbtm-

In other words, I'm genderfluid

the only true gender

Something that baffles me every single International Women's Day, is how different it seems to be in other countries.

I see joke posts on twitter and here, I see the way a lot of people take it lightly, it amazes me how different things are, how here in Mexico I don't see a single joke. I see angry women, brave women, tired women. I myself am all of those.

I'm so tired of not being able to live a normal life. On top of the everyday violence that occurs, I have to live with the fear of being killed for being a woman, for being femme presenting. I have to deal with men looking at me when I wear skirts or dresses, of men telling me to shut up, of men not trusting my knowledge, of men following me home, cat-calling me on the streets, following me all the way through different trains. I had to live through a manipulative and abusive relationship when I was just 15 years old. I have to live with an eating disorder due to societal expectations. I have to check my mirrors when I'm driving in case someone is following me. I have to tell my friends that I got home safe and I'm always waiting for them to text back. I have to deal with the impotence of being helpess when other women I know are going through similar stuff.

I'm tired of our government and authorities calling us hysterical, whores, telling us that we asked for it, that it was our fault for deciding to live a life. That it was out fault for being born in a country that doesn't have the minimum respect for our lives.

On this International Women's Day I'm angry, I'm furious and overall, I'm here if anyone feels the same way I do, know that I share your feelings and I will try my hardest to understand.

And for my final message, I just want to say:

¡Libertad para todas las morras de México hasta Palestina!

i found this on canva and totally forgot I made it at some point. so here's a list of some of my personal fave authors who use they/them, neo, or multiple pronouns :3

Aiden Thomas

Rivers Solomon

Emery Lee

Anna-Marie (A-M) McLemore

Sarah Gailey

Akwaeke Emezi

(the links lead to author's website or wikipedia page, depending)

i know I've mentioned my interpretation of mizu's gender a million times on here but i don't think i ever fully elaborated on it.

so on that note i just wanna ramble about that for a bit. basically, it's my reading of the show that mizu is nonbinary, so let me dig into that.

putting the rest under the cut because it ended being pretty long lol. also here have a cute mizu pic of her being happy and most at ease with herself, symbolised by her letting her hair down. <3 ok let's proceed.

okay note that nonbinary is an umbrella term, and applies to a vast range of gender identities, but it's my personal preference to use it as is, simply because i'm not a fan of microlabels. more power to you if you are though, but anyway.

essentially when i refer to mizu as nonbinary it means that i interpret mizu as a woman, but not ONLY a woman. not strictly a woman. she is also a man. she is also neither of these things, she is something in between, while at the same time she is none of these at all. i've said as much many times, but i just don't want people to think that by nonbinary it inherently means a "third androgynous gender" that essentially turns the gender binary into a gender trinary. not only is that going against what the term nonbinary was crafted for (to go against rigid boxes and categorisation of gender identities), but also, not all nonbinary people fall under that category or definition, and that's definitely not the way i interpret mizu.

also, before anyone fights me on this, let me clarify further that gender means something different to everyone. it's not your biological sex or physical characteristics. but at the same time, gender is not mere presentation. you can be a trans woman and still present masculine—either because you're closeted and forced to, or because you just want to—and either way, that doesn't take away from your identity as a woman. same goes for trans men. if you're a trans man but you wear skirts and don't bind or don't get top surgery, that doesn't make you any less of a man. because gender non-conformity exists, and does not only apply to cis people! some lesbians are nonbinary and prefer using he/him pronouns while dressing masculinely, but that doesn't mean they're a man, or that they're any less of a lesbian. neither does this mean that they're a cis woman.

the thing about queer identities in general is that, like i said, they mean something different to everyone, because how you identify—regardless of your biological attributes and fashion or pronouns—is an extremely personal experience. so a nonbinary person and a gnc cis woman's experiences might have plenty of overlap, but what distinguishes between the two is up to the individual. there's no set requirements to distinguish you as one or the other, but it's up to you to decide what you identify as, based on what you feel. either way, by simply identifying yourself as anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you are already communicating to the world that you are not what a conservative, cisheteronormative society wants you to be.

which is why i find all this queer infighting on labels to be so ridiculous. because we're all fighting the same fight; the common enemy is a societal structure that divides us into set roles and expectations purely based on our biological parts. that's why biological essentialism in the queer community is a fucking disease. because by arguing that women are inherently weak and fragile and soft and gentle and must be protected from evil ugly men, while men are inherently strong and angry and violent and exploitative of women, these people are advocating for the same fucked up system that marginalises and abuses women as well as effeminate and/or gay men.

anyway. i'm going on a tangent. this was meant to be a blue eye samurai post. so yeah back to that— the point i'm trying to make is that there's no one way to identify as anything, and everyone views gender in a specific way.

so with that being said, yes you can definitely interpret mizu as a gnc cis woman and that's a totally valid reading. however, interpreting her as nonbinary or transmasc also doesn't take away from her experiences with misogyny and female oppression, because nonbinary and transmasc folks also experience these things.

me, personally, i view her as nonbinary but not necessarily or always transmasc because i still believe femininity and womanhood is an inherent part of who mizu is. for example, from what we've seen, she does not like binding. it does not give her gender euphoria, but is instead very uncomfortable for her both physically and mentally, and represents her suppressing her true self. which is why when she "invites the whole" of herself, she stands completely bare in front of the fire, breasts unbound and hair untied. when she is on the ship heading to a new land in the ending scene, she is no longer hiding her neck and the lack of an adam's apple. we can thus infer that mizu does not have body dysmorphia. she is, in fact, comfortable in her body, and relies on it extremely, because her body is a weapon. instead, what mizu hates about herself is her face—her blue eyes. she hates herself for her hybridised identity, hates herself for being a racial Other. hates that she has no home in her homeland. these are not queer or feminist themes, but postcolonial ones.*

* and as a tiny aside on this subject, i really do wish more of the fandom discussion would talk about this more. it's just such an essential part to reading her character. like someone who's read homi k bhabha's location of culture and has watched this show, PLEASE talk to me so we can ramble all about how the show is all about home and alienation from community. please. okay anyway—

nevertheless, queer and feminist themes (which are not mutually exclusive by the way!) are still prevalent in her story, though they are not the main issue that she is struggling with. but she does struggle with it to some extent, and we see this especially during her marriage with mikio, where we see her struggle in women's domestic spaces.

on the other hand, though, she finds no trouble or discomfort in being a man or being around other men—even naked ones—and does not seem stifled by living as one, does not seem all that bothered or uncomfortable navigating through men's spaces. contrast this to something like disney's mulan (1998), where we do see mulan struggle in navigating through men's spaces, as she feels uncomfortable being around so many men, always feeling like she doesn't belong and that she's inherently different from them. mizu has no such experiences like this, as her very personality and approach to life is what can be categorised as typically "masculine". she is straightforward and blunt. her first meeting with mikio, she tells him straight to his face that he's old while frowning and raising a brow at him. she approaches problems with her muscles and fists (or swords), rather than with her words or mind. compare this with mulan, who, while well-trained by the end of the movie, still uses her sharp wits rather than brute strength. this is a typically "feminine" approach. it's also the approach akemi relies on throughout the show—through her intelligence and persuasive tongue, she navigates the brothel with ease. mizu, in contrast to someone like mulan and akemi, struggles with womanhood and femininity, and feels detached from it.

thus, in my opinion, mizu is not simply a man, nor is she simply a woman. she is both. man and woman. masculine and feminine. she has to accept both, rather than suppress one or the other. her name means water. fluid.

as a side note, while i do believe mizu is nonbinary, i also primarily use she/her pronouns but this is a personal preference. i find it's easier, plus it's what the creators use, and because, in general, being nonbinary simply doesn't necessitate the use of they/them pronouns. nonbinary is not just a third gender. it's about breaking the binary, in any which way, and that's exactly what mizu does.

also, i'd also like to mention that one of show's head of story even referred to her with the term "nonbinary", rather than simply "androgynous" (see pic below). and it's possible this could be a slip up on his part, in which he believes the terms are interchangeable (they're not btw), but regardless i find it a very interesting word choice, and one that supports my stance.

so anyway yeah that's my incredibly long rambling post.

TL;DR nonbinary mizu rights 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 congrats if you reached the end of this btw. also ily. unless you're a TERF in which case fuck off. ok i'm done.

Doctors/surgeons should come before a panel of medical experts who are trans before being allowed to administer trans-specific care

Funny story:

My mom completely forgot my deadname.

Now, this was a little bit of a problem because I still use that name for legal purposes, and my mom was actually writing me a check. So, like, not the most convenient thing in the world. She remembered quickly and was able to correct. We both thought it was hilarious.

But like...this lady selected my old name. It was a family name. She knew me by this name for over 30 years. We were actually estranged for seven of those until last summer when I reached out again because I'd heard my parents had genuinely improved as people and were ready to actually be nice, respectful, and acknowledge boundaries. So like, she wasn't even there when I started going by Ollie.

But she's been trying really hard to use my name (and pronouns, which she still struggles with but she's trying so I don't mind, I care more about effort than perfection). My niblings are happy to correct slip-ups, which is fantastic, and like basically everyone I know, she agrees that Ollie is a super good name for me.

And apparently for a few seconds she just fuckin' wholeass forgot my deadname.

So anyway, I pass on this blessing to you. May the people in your life be as forgetful as my mom, although perhaps not when it's legally inconvenient for them to do so.

blasted my audiobook of Edward Said's Orientalism SUPER LOUD from the next room while my Arab dad was watching 2une (Dune 2) so he absorbs what the fuck is up subliminally don't worry guys

i know i'm a lesbian because i imagine the marauder girls covered in blood and getting in fights and making out with each other, and i imagine the marauder boys moping around and sighing heavily and drawing their unrequited crushes' names in their diaries

Weighing in on the debate “Are you allowed to ship aromantic characters?” As an aromantic person, this is a difficult subject. On the one hand, we have characters who clearly and repeatedly state that they hate romance, do not feel romantic attraction, and don’t want to be in a relationship. On the other hand, we have your personal inability to engage with deep relationships without making them romantic. As a compromise, I say people are allowed to ship canon aromantic characters, provided they pay me at least $100 in cash for the license.

i don't know your cloudtail well but if my brain is correct then imo, as an aspec (agender aro/ace) it feels WEIRD to make cloudtail a cisgender girl and not mtf.

i genuinely don't think that last anon hates butch lesbian headcanons, i think they just meant that changing an agab to make a lesbian headcanon is weird and uncomfortable from a trans perspective, especially when done to a traditionally amab character. MTFs are so chronically under and misrepresented and by changing a character from amab to afab to make them lesbian you are furthering a stigma against them.

additionally, while i'm not a fan of spottedtiger because of their personalities, i think that changing some characters' relation in a rewrite is fine even if they end up together. i want to help clarify they probably don't ship it in canon, only in their silly little world where they ARE NOT RELATED. keep in mind spotted and tiger's relation was a retcon btw.

can you please point to where you think i uttered the words 'cisgender girl' anywhere when i said the words 'butch lesbian'

Nonbinary flags

( ID : Two flags. The first has four horizontal stripes, in the following colors: orange, white, mossy green and black. The second has five horizontal stripes, in the following colors: orange, yellow, white, mossy green and black. End ID. )

These were made because I found out that the creator of the most commonly used Nonbinary flag had some frankly incorrect and hurtful (at least to myself as an Intersex non-"DFAB" who uses it the way I do) opinions on Genderqueer people and on the label Genderqueer itself. As well as things like this on nir blog (I hope I don't have to explain why it's uncomfortable, especially in the context of the other post). Later edit, this as well.

This is not me saying you have to use this flag or that I hate you if you use the most popular one or anything btw. I've simply just made my own NB flags to use in edits/icons etc. for my own comfort.

These are inspired by this Nonbinary flag:

( ID : A flag with four horizontal stripes, in the following colors: black, white, orange and neon green. In the center, there's a white circle with an arrow at the top with an 'x' for a tip, a gray border around it. End ID. ]

which is cited on the LGBTA wiki as "one of the oldest Nonbinary flags" but isn't given attribution (if you know please lmk so I can credit.) I moved it around a bit and adjusted the colors, I made the green to be more grey to mimic the Agender flag. There's a five-stripe version just for those who'd like a yellow-orange in there.

( ID : Two flags. The first has four horizontal stripes, in the following colors: black, mossy green, white and orange. The second has five horizontal stripes, in the following colors: black, mossy green, white, yellow and orange. End ID. )

Here are some flipped versions if you'd prefer them for whatever reason (maybe to be closer to the original format of the older flag above?)

Free for anyone to use! You can also use this along with any other Nonbinary flag or flags you like or already use. I don't care as long as what ne said is taken seriously / not endorsed. ( Yes this includes nir flag! )

between the sandman and wednesday, i think you could put gwendoline christie in literally anything and i'd kneel for her, but ESPECIALLY passive aggressive authority figures who get in the protagonist's path whilst wearing bomb fucking outfits