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g0ldenzinnie · 7 months

Text

Unstoppable

Couple: Mark x fem!reader Genre: fluff; a little bit suggestive; a little dramatic, but who doesn't want a little drama Sinopse: At the end of a horrible day, your boyfriend makes a surprise just for you. DISCLAIMER: This is my first fic, and I hope it will be the first of many more. And also English it's my second language so have mercy on me. Word count: 5,6 k; I recommend listening to https://spotify.link/QPWm3Rr44Db while you read it <3

You had a bad day. No, sorry, a terrible day.

First, you overslept. It wasn’t your fault your phone discharged over the night, because you connected the charger wrong. Your class started half an hour ago, but you were still in your apartment, trying to pull your pants up while brushing your teeth. When you got to campus, you were a sweating mess since you had to run to reach the bus. When you enter the classroom slamming the door accidentally, the teacher looked at you like you disrespect him in three languages, however he still continued. You sat down and opened your bag, then you realized you forgot your notebook at home, due to your late night studying and the reason for your oversleeping. That was the second thing that made your day into a nightmare, the final test. In a few minutes, you would have to face the test that would define your future as an engineer, further to top it all you forgot your notes at home. It didn't matter now, you just had to deal with it. You plug your phone under the desk, which for your luck every desk had a uni, and look at your missing messages. That is when you noticed the third thing that was making your day horrible. Your lock screen showed a happy blond boy playing the guitar, you smiled, having a nostalgic feeling in your chest. Mark lee, your boyfriend. You were barely together, since your different schedules and busy calendars. Besides, when you were together, you are so exhausted that you only watch movies on the couch and order takeout. It is not that you didn’t like it, it’s just that you missed having quality time with your boyfriend. You saw in your notifications three missed messages from Mark.

“Good morning baby ❤️” “Good luck today I know you're gonna kill it” “I miss you ;c”

You smile at the last messages, you feel comfort knowing that he missed you too. You respond. “Hey baby” “I miss you too bub, I just want to finish this test and see you”

You haven’t seen him in weeks. As you were focused on your career, Mark was focused on his. Now text messages were the only way of communicating.

“I know princess, but I have rehearsal all day.” You let out a groan. One day they will kill him with so much work.

“It’s okay baby, we can meet another time.” “Just be careful please.” “I don’t want you to pass out”

You responded, but you knew it was helpless. Even if the king himself from England order your boyfriend to stop overworking… he would probably apologize in a very polite matter and go against his order. You knew your golden boy wasn't unbreakable. Occasionally he would call you in the middle of the night just to hear your voice, and get the motivation that he needed. Despite that, he didn't complain a bit. Mark was the kind of person to torture himself, just to not let down the people that depend on him. Sadly, you were that kind of people. You needed to see his face, to hear his voice, you needed him.

“It’s like you don’t even know me baby” “I'm unstoppable”

He sends you a sticker of a bunny flexing his arms, and you laugh out loud. Your teacher sees you with a penetrating look and goes back to the board. Again, you look down over your phone, trying to respond.

“So you’re a superhero then?” “Or a super villain? Were you trying to steal my heart all this time?” “Is this your evil plan?”

You replied, hoping it would make him laugh. You used to think that when he laughed, one of the most beautiful sounds in the world was produced.

“A villain, never” “Actually, I am a superhero who is at your side in your time of need.” “I am Spider-Man 🕷️”

You smiled at the cuteness of your boy. You knew his obsession with Spider-man, actually on his birthday you made him a surprise party in his room and decorated it with that theme. He still considers it to be one of his favorite birthday parties. You didn’t have a chance to reply to him when another message came along.

“I just wish I could use my power to come and see you. So then I could hug you, and give you a kiss.”

You feel the heat coming to your face as you blush. You replied instantly.

“Just one?”

“Definitely more than one.” “And definitely not just in your lips”

You let out a giggle, then drop your phone. Mark could be cheesy when he set his mind to it. Your attention to the class was gone long ago.

“I'm losing focus Mark” “You’re gonna make me fail this class”

“Sorry baby” “But dude, seriously I really need you”“I miss our dates, not like watching movies and eat (which I love, don't get me wrong)” “But like real dates, you know? Like going out somewhere, or doing something else”

Your mode went down, owing to the text. You didn’t want him to feel like this. Some days you asked yourself if this is what torture fells like.

“Me too baby, but we will see each other again, I know it.” “We just need more patience.”

You were going to text him an “I love you”, when the fourth thing that made your day terrible happened. Your charger overloaded and stopped working, further your phone turned off seconds later. You put your head against the desk, feeling like a literal mess. The worst part is that when you looked up to see the clock, it was only 11:27 AM.

After nine hours on campus, you were ready to go. The day transcurred as you predicted, horrid. The test was practically written in another language you didn’t study every night, in addition, your post anxiety didn’t help you to calm down. The only good thing that happened that day was that one of your classmates lent you their charger. When your phone started working, you found missed calls and messages from your boyfriend worried thinking something happened to you. You explained fast, leaving him with some relief. He told you to let him know when you were out on campus and as you promised, you texted him letting him know you were outside. While you wait for the bus in the freezing and dark night, he called you.

“Hey baby”

“Why are they keeping you in campus at this hour?” He said worried. You let out a sigh, tired. Not from him, but from this disgusting day.

“My insufferable teacher, who didn't let us go before he could end the whole lesson. You should have seen it babe. I thought that literal vapor would come out of his ears when we told him we were supposed to go” You replied laughing, trying to ease your mind. But your boyfriend was doing it for you. Just by hearing his voice, you felt your body more relaxed. But you didn't hear a laugh in return. So you started to worry. Little did you knew that your golden boy's mind was working like a machine.

“Where are you?” He asks, knowing the answer since he knew you, and your routine like the palm of his hand.

“I’m at the bus stop, why?” You respond, looking around at the emptiness of the street. You wait for his answer, yet instead you receive a hung up sound. He cut the call. You thought it was some connection issue, but he didn’t answer your calls, nor your texts.

“Baby, what happened? Are you okay”“Babe”“Mark, I’m serious, what is going on?”“Dude, answer your phone.”

It passed two minutes after your last text when a black car made a turn in the corner of the street, coming in your direction. Since the street was silent, you could hear the loud music coming from inside. You let it pass, you thought it was a random car like other ones. It was when the car stopped in front of you and the window rolled down, when you realized it wasn’t random. Your vision showed your boyfriend seated in the backseat with a microphone in his hand. You cross your arms and raise an eyebrow, trying to act pissed since he didn’t answer your phone. Still inside of you, you were jumping out of happiness because he was there in front of you.

“Your hero to the rescue.”

He said with the mic. You couldn't contain your smile, you wanted to hug him, however you didn't even have to take a step. He jumped out of the car and tucked you in, with his arms around your waist, resting his head in the crook of your neck. You wrapped your arms around his, feeling the tears coming to your eyes. You could feel his warmth and cologne, just the way you remembered. He took a step back and took your face gently. He looked at you with so much worship and caring, that you felt your heart melting in the process.

“My beautiful girl” He whispered before he kissed you with all his being. Desperate, but not rough. Full of love and adoration. You respond, enclosing your fingers in his hair. Everything in the world didn’t matter. What happened during the day was forgotten. He was finally there, kissing your lips, pulling you close, needed for your touch like you needed his. It was until the car honked as you returned to reality. Mark broke the kiss and nodded at the driver. He rush to take your hand and pulled you into the car.

“Let's go, I have a whole date planned just for you.” You smile confused, stepping into the car and closing the door.

“Baby, nothing is going to be open at this hour on a Monday.” You say, before noticing the things in the car.

“Who said we were going somewhere?” You didn't know how, but there were disco lights illuminating the inside of the car. Also, your favorite snacks were in the middle seat. The driver who started moving the car couldn't be seen because of the wall separating the front and back of the car.

“Mark, what is this?” He just gives you the other mic and another kiss on your lips as you were distracted. His hand was in the nape of your neck, with his fingers wrapping your hair gently. Your breathing became heavier, pulling him close, grabbing the collar of his sweatshirt. He breaks the kiss and rest on your forehead. Smiling he responds.

“We are going to have a karaoke date. I need to practice my voice, you need to release stress. It's the perfect match.” He turns on the mic and takes out his phone to show you a playlist. You let out a gasp as your heart wrinkles. The playlist name was “For my Angel”, and it was full of your favorite songs. Even your favorite versions. “What do you say?” He asks with his mic, leaving a funny eco behind. You smile and turn on yours.

“I say let's do this” You claim as you pressed play and a song of Olivia Rodrigo started to sound in the speakers. “Oh my god, babe, you know me so well” Shouting of excitement, you start to sing into the mic. Mark laughs and joins you, since one month ago when the album dropped, you made him learn the lyrics. You laugh, not believing this was happening. One moment ago, you thought you would declare this day to be the worst day of your life. However, the boy next to you, trying to sing in falsetto, made a 180-degree turn of it.

Both of you didn't care about what you sounded like, you were just goofing around and singing like your souls were ripping apart. After thirty minutes of singing, rapping and dancing, you’re tired and ask Mark to sing a solo. Since he loved karaoke, and you, he agreed gladly. Even when his throat started to feel dry. That was one of the things you loved about Mark. He always put his soul into things. It didn’t matter what it was or how, he always put his 100%. You smile at him trying to hit a high note of one of Justin Bieber songs, and let out a laugh in the process. You take his hand and caress it with your thumb, he looks at you surprised and stops singing. “What's wrong?”

“I love you” You whispered, hypnotized in his eyes. He smiles and leans over, holding your chin, gently giving you a kiss. It was slow and gentle, his lips were soft against yours, and they were moving with synchrony. Like he knew you in and out, what you needed, indeed. He broke the kiss, leaving a centimeter between you two, while he takes a lock of your hair and puts it behind your ear.

“I love you too” He replied also in a whisper looking at your face carefully, like he wanted to remember every single freckle or other aspect of your face. As he hasn't done it already. He first looks at your lips, the temptation incarnate. Nothing was as distracting and beautiful as your lips, simply he loved that. Then he looks up to your cheeks and nose. He loved to kiss them, to him, they were the cutest thing on your face. Then finally, he looks at your eyes. His favorite thing on planet earth. He claimed that they were as beautiful and unique as the sky. He always told you those things, many times before. Still, he repeated them, to make sure you remember how beautiful you are. You let out a nervous laugh because of his piercing look and lean your head, confused.

“What?” He shakes his head as if it’s something stupid. “Just… I missed you so much.” He says as leans over to give you a kiss on the forehead. “So much”

You feel his warm breathing in your left cheek as he goes down to kiss it. Then he does the same with your other cheek, before making a final move, laying a kiss on the top of your nose. He was taking his time filling your face with love and affection, like it was the last thing he was able to do. “I swear, I just can’t get enough of you” He says in the corner of your lips to place another kiss. You smile and try to look away from the embarrassment. His hands went again to your chin to make you look at him. You look at his lips, feeling in the inside of your body the tension you two missed over the last days. His gaze of pure affection makes you feel warm in your chest and butterflies in your lower stomach. He stays inches away from your lips, waiting for your approval, but clearly to you, he didn’t need it. You bend closer to him, eliminating the space between you two, pressing your lips together. Your hand was on his cheek, passing your fingers against his hair, while the other one was on his chest. Mark grabs your waist with a firm grip, approaching you to him. The kiss was desperate, full of passion, nothing like the past ones. “Come here” He whispers raspy, breaking the kiss to take air as he pushes you to his lap. Chills come down your spine when you listen to his tone. You put your legs around his body, your hands in the back of his neck. This time, he starts the kiss by grabbing your hair with one hand and the other one still holding your waist. He was moving his lips slowly but with a hungry matter, helpless by your body on top of him. Your body feels hotter by every move of your boyfriend, full of emotions forgotten through your days apart. As a reaction to all of this, you left out a whimper against his lips, leaving him enough space for him to enter his tongue to your mouth. You move your waist a little to feel him more, instantly, Mark groans in your mouth as a reaction. “Don’t tease me baby, please” He whispers, lowering his mouth to get to your neck. He presses his lips against your soft and now hot skin with a wet kiss, biting a little to taunt you. You bite your lower lip trying to stay quiet, he knew your weak point. “Now who is teasing?” You say mocking him. He laughs, leaving a warm sight that gives you chills. Then goes back to your lips fervently, his hands moving past your body without any shame. Yours were in his neck, trying to pull him closer with the nonexistent distance you had. When his hands were going under your shirt, you heard a knock in the wall that separated the two parts of the car. You stop instantly, looking at Mark with panic in your eyes. Reality hits you like cold water, you weren’t alone. Obviously, you forgot that.

“What?” Your boyfriend asked, pissed because your moment was interrupted. “Mister Lee, you have five minutes. Then we have to go back to the company.” Mark cusses underneath his breath and closes his eyes. Now you understand why he was acting like he didn’t have enough time. He actually didn’t have it. “Okay, just… just keep driving, please.” He says, in conflict with himself, grabbing his temple. The car moved with the same speed as before. “I’m sorry I didn't tell you.” He says without looking at you with embarrassment. “They just gave me an hour recess, the members stayed at the company but I just… I just really wanted to see you” You were pissed, but not at him. You were mad at the universe, for tearing both apart. For the unfair situation. But you were not going to spend the last five minutes with your boyfriend for god knows how long, making a fuss. So you grab his chin to make him look at you. His gaze was angry, as also sad. The same feelings you had. You lean your forehead against his and close your eyes, sensing his skin with all your faculties. “It's okay. It doesn’t matter now.” His breathing got heavier as he shook his head. You also knew him like the palm of your hand. You knew his anxiety of the future was caving in. His mind having all the questions both of you didn’t have an answer. “Hey, focus on me.” You say, leaning a hand in his chest, the other one still in his head. You breathe calmly, trying for him to follow you. It’s difficult, but he does it with time. Then you start talking.

“I love you. Nothing matters. That’s the only thing you need to think about now. Okay?” He doesn’t do anything, still with his eyes closed trying to keep his breath under control, you fear he is going to have a panic attack. After a while, he nods. You smile and give him a quick kiss. “You’re unstoppable.” He smiles remembering his text and opens his eyes, finally looking at you. “We are” he states, looking at you directly, with a gaze you think is full of starlight. You feel tears in your throat, but you swallow them. You don’t want to cry now. “That’s my golden boy” You gave him another kiss, this time longer but sweet. He stays still for a second, then wraps his arms around your body in a hug, breathing hard for the strong emotions inside him. If he had the power, he would steal you right now, and hide you where no one or nothing could stop him from loving you, over and over. You separate and rest on his forehead. He caressed your nose with his, then lefts a giggle out of his mouth.

“How about one more song?” You say, grabbing his phone to look for one specific thing. He leans his head confused and tries to take a look, but you move away from his gaze. “C’mon, babe, let me see.” He says sulky, you laugh and shake your head. “You’ll see. Just wait a mo - oh, there it is.” You press play and the intro of Locked out of heaven from Bruno Mars starts to play. Mark leans his head back and screams. “Yo! Babe, that's my song!” You smile and start to get out of his lap, however, he pulls you back, holding your waist. “Where are you going? Sing with me.” He grabs the mic and starts to sing the first line, before leaning the mic to you to sing the second. You follow his dynamic with a goofy smile and start to sing, moving your head. When the song hits the chorus, the two of you sing in the same mic, enjoying yourselves totally. Screaming the lyrics to each other because you felt like you were locked out of heaven because of each other. As your love felt wrong and incorrect, clearly the world practically was keeping you apart, it felt so good. Like two angels intertwined on a mission to find and love one another. The bridge was coming along and Mark made a howling sound to the ceiling, you laughed and followed him, feeling more alive than ever. “Are you ready baby?” He asks, moving his head to the rhythm. You nod, smiling at him, watching how his excitement was filling his body. “Okay, let’s go!” He shouts before singing the bridge with you. You feel like all the happiness in the world was headed your way. Closing your eyes, singing your heart out with the man you loved. You look at him just when you both sang, “Can I just stay here?! Spend the rest of my days here?!” You observed how the veins of his neck were pumping out since he sang so loudly. His eyes closed, shrinking, trying to hit the right note. You smile, watching your boyfriend be happy before he goes. He then looks at you and locks his gaze with yours, holding your hand tight while the other still held the mic. Basically, the only thing that was separating your lips. Then he presses his forehead against yours to feel closer to you. “Can I just stay here?! Spend the rest of my days here?! Cause you make me feel like, I’ve looked out of heaven” You both sing to the mic, smiling and actually begging to god or whatever is up there, to let you stay with each other. You feel the tears coming to your eyes because this moment was about to end. You could barely sing anymore, so you stop and put your hand against your face. Mark drops the mic, letting the last part of the song go, to hold the back of your head and let you rest in his shoulder. You let yourself go and cry without any shame. Your boyfriend feels the tears coming as well, however he didn’t drop any of them. His concentration was fully into you. He kept stroking your hair and kissing your cheek repeatedly. With your fingers, you start to hold strongly to his sleeves. Believing, he wouldn't go away for that, unfortunately you and him didn't control that.

The car stopped, and you started shaking your head, knowing what's coming next. “Baby” Marks whispers in your ear, fondling the back of your head with one hand and the other one on your waist. “Just one second” You instantly responded, holding him close without looking at him. You thought that if you did, your heart would break more than it already is. “Baby please, I need to-” “Just, just give a moment” Another knock from the wall came. “Mister Lee, we’re outside the company. You need to get out of the car” Mark was really trying to hold himself together at this point. “Give me one minute, please” He says with his jaw clenched, trying not to break something. “Y/n, please look at me. I’m not gonna forgive myself if you don't” He begs you, raising his hand to your cheek to separate you from his shoulder. You do, but you still look down sobbing, while looking at his chest. The heart of your boyfriend was broken by seeing you like this. He pressed his cheeks against yours, attempting to form a connection with you. He needed you to look at him, one last time. “Please y/n. Look at me” By his implore, you raise your gaze and meet his dark eyes. You instantly broke and Mark does it with you. “When you’ll be back?” You ask, wiping his tears away. He does the same with you, his lips forming a line. “I don't know. I have to stay at the dorm for the promotion, and then they want to do another comeback with dream.” You cursed and look at the ceiling, trying to stop your crying. “Hey, hey, no, no. We won't say goodbye like this.” He says, holding your head with his hands on your cheeks, making you look down. You close your eyes and cup his hand. “I don't want to say goodbye.” You whisper, finally opening your eyes. The man in front of you was tired. Of his schedule, his tireless work, and most importantly tired of being apart from you. A strong kiss closed the distance between both, and his breathing left strong through his nose. The kiss felt wet and salty because of your tears. Your hands were on the side of his head, pushing him to you. Mark deepened the kiss and you followed him gladly. Both of you didn't want to separate, but sadly, breathing was necessary for you. When you broke the kiss, Mark says in your lips after. “Sorry, I said it wrong.” You look at him confused, as a response he gives you a quick kiss before saying. “It's a see you soon”.

The tears were appearing again, but he focused on kissing you. His hands were hugging your back, pulling you closer together. Your lips were in synchrony, however, they were interrupted by a knock on the window. “Dude, I say a minute please” Marks says against your lips trying to continue, suddenly the door open and shown your boyfriend's teammate, Johnny. “Hey y/n.” He says flirty, leaning his body to the door of the car. You feel the blood rising to your checks, and try to hide it in the neck of your boyfriend. “Hi” you say, still there. “Johnny, what are you doing here?” Mark ask, putting his hand in your hair to caress it. A laugh comes from the best friend of your boyfriend. “Taeyong is calling us to the practice room.” You also hear a pause, like he's taking it time to say what's next. “Sorry man, but we have to go. Now” You know he means it. Johnny was one of the first to support your relationship. He wanted to see Mark happy, same as you. So you thank him silently when he closed the door after he said. “You have 30 seconds to do whatever you please. But dude, I'm serious, 30 seconds.” Mark nods and sighs. You feel Jonny walking away a little, to give you space, and Mark started talking. “We don't have much time.” “I know” You answer, leaving his lap for good. He lets out a groan of disapproval, but you better step off now. You both stay quiet for a few seconds, just looking at each other, feeling each other hands. It was you who started the conversation. “What I told you before, it wasn't a lie” He settles to the side to see you better. “I know, but I can’t stop thinking about the damage that this is causing.” You get close and took his face. “Better to be like this together, than being apart” He analyzed you, trying to see any regret on your face, nevertheless, he didn’t find anything. “Unstoppable, remember?” You state, smiling, Mark gives you a little laugh and nod with his head. He leans closer to your face and kiss you gently, pulling a piece of your hair behind your ear. After you separate, you rest in his shoulder, with Mark leaving kisses in your forehead. “I love you” he whispers, caressing your arm with his fingertips, giving you chills in the process. “I love you too” you respond, giving him a kiss in the shoulder. He holds you close by wrapping his arms around you and placing his head on top of yours. You stay like that for a while.

After a few seconds, you hear a knock on the window. “Dude, I can’t extend this any longer.” Mark sighs and separates from you. Jonny leans against the car to wait for him. “See you soon?” Mark says, putting his hand against your check. “Yeah” you whisper before kissing him. The door opens and Johnny pulls Mark by the sleeve outside the car. “Let's go Romeo” He says, pushing him to the doors of the company. He almost trips by his best friend strength, but manage to stay on his feet. He turns and waves at you, walking backwards before entering the company. Your heart breaks by every step he took, and you let the tears that remain in your system fall in your face. “I had to take him out, if I didn't, he would probably run away with you.” Johnny states gently. You sniff and nod. “We don’t want that” You say looking at him, the expression he gave you was comprehensive. He shakes his head softly. “No, we don’t” What's best for Mark, apart from knowing him, that was the reason Johnny and you were friends. “The car is gonna drop you at home, so just try to relax. Okay?” He tells you, placing his arm against the door frame. You nod and try to wipe your tears and smile. “Take care of him for me, would you?” He laughs and nods. “It won’t be long, you know? It’s just because you love each other so much, that you think it is going to be an eternity before you see each other.” You giggle and sigh, resting your back on the seat. You suddenly felt tired. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” You respond, closing your eyes in the process. Johnny reads your body and leaves a small smile. “Have a safe travel, y/n” He says before closing the door. Yet before he closed the door you say “Thank you, Johnny, for everything.” You didn't see him, but he smiles at you with carrying and closes the door. After you hear two knocks on the roof of the car, this started moving. Your body felt palled after all those emotions, and you started to get sleepy. Before your whole system could go to the lands of dreams, you remember the words of Johnny. With a smile on your face, you start to feel hope. Believing truly that it won't be long before you see your golden boy again.

3 weeks later.

Your legs were heavier than ever trying to climb the stairs of your building. Since you were on vacation, you decided to have a job full time in the cafeteria a few blocks away. Obviously now, you were regretting your decision. But hey, at least the money is always good. When you reach your floor, you feel relieve. At least, it was Friday. So you would have the whole weekend to relax. Sadly, you would have to do that alone. Mark was still busy with his calendar, however, he called every night to check on you. So you didn’t felt so sad about his absence. When you get to your door, you open your bag pack to find your keys. The panic started to rise when you didn't find them there. You also opened the front pocket but again nothing. You curse and kick the door, angry. Now you had to look for the locksmith downstairs, which meant you had to experience the pain of your legs all over again. Just because you forgot your keys inside, when you left the apartment in the morning. When you started to walk away, preparing yourself for torture, you feel the door open. You turn scared believing it was a ghost, however the surprise came in when you see your boyfriend, leaning in the door frame holding your keys with his finger. “Your hero to the rescue, again.” He says with the raspy voice you missed. You gasp, covering your mouth in surprise. Your brain couldn’t load the information that was happening. “Dude, you're kidding” You say, still with your hand on your mouth. He smiles at how cute your reaction is. “I'm not.” In a quick movement, he takes your arm to pull you to him and give you a passionate kiss. His lips moving, with hunger and desire. Your tiredness and lack of motivation stop from existing. Your backpack drops from your shoulder but Mark grabs it quickly with one hand. The other one was reaching down your lower back, pulling you closer to feel him more. He breaks the kiss to go lower to your neck. You bit your lip to not let any embarrassed sound come out, since you were still in the hallway. “Inside now” You whisper with need in his ear. He grins against your neck and pulls you to the apartment to not waste any more time to love you.

#nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct 127 scenarios #nct imagines #mark lee #mark #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #mark x reader #nct x reader #mark x y/n

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 9 months

Text

Chapter 2.

Note: follow up to chapter 1.

Warnings: fluff. mention of smoking. that's it.

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: Sihtric stayed in touch, and you embarrassed yourself.

wordcount: 2,8k

Masterlist

'You clearly haven't seen me when I wake up.'

Two days had passed since you saw Seven Kings live and had met all the members again. Which also means two days had passed since Sihtric interacted with you on instagram, and against all your expectations, he actually stayed in touch with you.

After he had asked you how you were doing, you simply kept messaging each other throughout the day. Just small talk, and you were cautious, cherishing the fact that he kept writing to you for some reason. He told you he was travelling abroad for two shows, and that he got a little bored on the road sometimes, so you figured you were just a form of entertainment for him right now, nothing more. You thought he was probably talking to a bunch of other girls in his dms too.

You told Gisela all about it, and she couldn't believe it. She kept saying this was the start of your relationship, but you obviously didn't believe her.

After a normal day of going to work, you got in bed late in the evening, knowing that the band had finished their show about two hours ago, and you opened your messages with Sihtric again. He hadn't read your last reply to him yet, and you knew it was because you had answered him shortly before he had to go on stage. You sighed, feeling silly for missing the interaction you had throughout the day and the day before, when he had no show to play, and now there were time gaps in his replies, which you understood. But you also feared he probably met some new pretty young thing and forgot all about you. You wanted to close the app, but your hand slipped and your phone fell flat on your face.

'Fuck!' you groaned, rubbing your forehead, and when you lifted your phone from your face, you panicked.

You had accidentally pressed the video call button.

'No!' you screamed, 'no, no! Oh god, no!'

In your panic you couldn't get the dialling to stop, and suddenly your screen said:

Connecting…

Then Sihtric suddenly appeared, shirtless and smiling, albeit a little confused. His hair was wet, a towel hung over his shoulder, and he was clearly standing in the bathroom of his hotel.

'Hey,' he chuckled at the sight of your big eyes.

'Oh my god! I'm so sorry!' you immediately said, 'I didn't mean to call you. I'm so sorry, I feel so stupid. My phone slipped out of my hands and fell on my face, I accidentally called you somehow and I couldn't figure out how to stop it-'

'Relax,' Sihtric laughed, 'calm down, lady, it's all good.'

'I feel so stupid,' you confessed and hid your face behind your free hand.

'Don't worry,' Sihtric smiled as he walked over to the bed, 'I'm kind of surprised something like that never happened to me, since I'm clumsy as fuck,' he laughed.

You stared at the breathtaking man on your screen, your eyes glued to the glimpses of his muscular body.

'W-why did you even answer?' you asked.

'Well, you called me,' he chuckled, 'I guess… maybe I secretly hoped you called to say you were in town,' he smiled weakly, 'but guess you're not,' he said, seeing you were tucked in bed.

'I'm not,' you said shyly, 'look, I'm really sorry for bothering you like this. I- I'll leave you to your evenin-'

'No, don't hang up,' Sihtric said as he perked up, 'please?' he pleaded softly and then sighed, 'I… I could use some company, really,' he said with a shy smile.

'O…oh, are you s-sure?'

Sihtric nodded and laid back down on his bed again, one arm behind his head as he smiled at you.

'Yeah,' he said, 'these shows are quite overwhelming, after not playing any for almost two years. If I'm alone I just overthink about what went wrong or what may go wrong next show. Maybe you could take my mind off it?'

'Okay,' you chuckled, 'so, where is everyone else then?'

'The guys all took some girls to their rooms,' Sihtric smiled and shook his head.

'And you don't do that?' you blurted out.

'Not anymore, no,' he said, 'before I got married, sure, the attention was fun. But then I grew up, I guess, and realised those one night stands only make me feel more lonely on the road. And once you had a taste of that domestic life,' he shrugged, 'I can't go back to just fucking around anymore.'

'You liked that life then?' you asked, becoming a little more relaxed yourself. It felt so easy and natural to talk to him somehow, you couldn't explain it.

'I did,' Sihtric smiled a little shyly again, 'it's the best feeling in the world to come home and know someone's waiting for you. But, yeah,' he sighed, 'that's gone.'

'I'm sorry,' you said with a slight pout, feeling genuinely sad for him.

You wanted to ask why he divorced, but you felt you'd overstep if you did, so you just sighed softly and gave him a smile.

'I can see you want to ask,' Sihtric said, as if he could read your thoughts, 'it's okay. If I didn't want to talk about it I wouldn't have mentioned it. My ex, eh, she cheated,' he sniffed, 'like… every time I was out of town,' he snorted, 'it's not funny, but I'd rather laugh at it than get angry.'

'Fuck,' you gasped, 'Sihtric, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that. No one does.'

'Ah, it happened,' he said, 'I healed from that already. Had a rebound, which was stupid as fuck too,' he laughed, 'but that's when I figured that those girls at the show, who want to get in your bed, they're not wife material. They like you for one night, brag about it, and move on to the next new hot and popular band,' he grimaced.

'Christ,' you shuddered, 'I can't even imagine why anyone would do that.'

'Well, some artists like that,' he coughed, 'Uhtred and Osferth,' he said in between coughs.

You broke out in a laugh. 'Are you ratting out your friends?'

'Oh come,' he chuckled, 'don't pretend you're not aware of the stories.'

'Yeah, what is up with Osferth?' you snorted.

'Lady, I don't even know how he gets all those women in his bed. And clearly, he's not being safe either, the dickhead,' Sihtric shook his head and sighed, 'at least Uhtred's smart, using protection, but Osferth is a bit naive sometimes I guess.'

'Yet Osferth calls himself a good Christian boy?'

'Only on Sundays, when he says he has to go to church, probably to confess his sins of the past weekend.'

You both laughed and then you asked what Finan's deal was.

'Finan has a girl here and there,' Sihtric said, 'nothing steady, nothing serious. But he's transparent about it with them.'

'That's something,' you said, 'you know, my friend who was also at the meet and greet, she's head over heels for Uhtred.'

'Really? Damn,' Sihtric smiled at you, 'well, she better stay away from him. He's not ready to settle down yet.'

'I told her that,' you laughed, 'and, well, it's not like there's any chance anyway. I mean, you guys are so famous, you're all totally unreachable.'

'Unreachable?' Sihtric frowned, tilting his head slightly to the side.

'Yeah, I mean, you guys can date any supermodel you probably want,' you chuckled.

A feeling of sadness suddenly settled in your bones, knowing that your crush on Sihtric was simply hopeless, yet you kept falling for him the more contact you had, even though you knew you never had a chance.

'Girls like us will never have a chance with guys like you,' you added, brushing it off with a shrug.

'You don't know that,' Sihtric smiled sweetly.

'Yeah, well,' you mumbled and looked away from your phone.

Sihtric simply smiled at his screen, taking in your appearance. He loved the way you looked, so real and beautiful. No make-up, no fancy clothing, your hair just hanging loose. He loved that you had accidentally called him, because he knew that the way you were talking with him now, and the way you looked, was your authentic self. And he loved it.

'But what about you?' Sihtric broke the short silence, 'are you dating or married even?'

'What? Oh, no,' you said, 'no. My last boyfriend cheated on me too, actually,' you sighed, 'that relationship ended about two years ago. I had some dates here and there, but I found no one worthy yet.'

'Worthy?' Sihtric smiled, 'of what?'

'To settle down with, I guess,' you chuckled, 'isn't that what everyone wants eventually?'

'It is,' Sihtric smiled and bit down on his lip.

You truly wanted to keep talking with Sihtric, but you saw nearly an hour had passed already, and felt horrible for robbing him of his time, even though he said he wanted some company. And besides, you started to struggle to keep your eyes open.

'Hey, so… it's getting late,' you said, 'I'm really tired and I have to work again tomorrow.'

'What kind of work do you do?'

'Customer service for an internet company,' you grimaced.

'Oh, fuck,' Sihtric laughed, 'you must be treated kindly during your day, huh?'

'Oh,' you mocked, 'you have no idea. I learn a new curse word every day.'

'I bet,' Sihtric chuckled, then became serious, 'that doesn't mess with you?'

'Some days are harder than others,' you admitted, 'some people have trouble with their internet, and they're really friendly and thankful when I help them out. But most people give you shit because they just need someone to blame, and I'm the one who picks up the phone,' you shrugged, 'it definitely sucks. But I gotta pay my bills.'

'Hard working woman,' Sihtric smiled sweetly, 'yeah, I'll let you get some sleep then. I should go to sleep as well.'

'Travelling again tomorrow?'

'Yeah, early morning. Got the rest of the day off there.'

'Lucky you,' you smiled, 'I'll be stuck at work from nine to six.'

Sihtric whistled. 'Sounds rough.'

'It is,' you chuckled, 'anyway, safe travels then for you.'

'Thank you, lady. Good luck to you, don't let some asshole bring you down just because his internet doesn't work, okay?' he smiled.

'I'll try,' you promised.

'Good,' Sihtric said, 'thanks for keeping me company. Sweet dreams, love,' he smiled and winked.

'Sweet dreams,' you said shyly, and you both hung up.

If you weren't so tired, you would've called Gisela right away, but you were exhausted. Your head was simply spinning, and you fell asleep after only a few minutes.

When your alarm rang you immediately thought your video call with Sihtric had been a dream. A very realistic and pleasant dream, but still, just a dream. But then you saw a notification on your lockscreen, and once again, your heart stopped.

sihtric.kjartansson started following you.

You stared at your phone for what felt like minutes. Then you took a screenshot and texted Gisela, who called you immediately.

'What is happening?!' she yelled.

'I don't know! I accidentally called him last night, you know, a video call!' you said, and explained to her what had happened.

'I'm telling you,' Gisela said, 'he's into you. Believe me!'

You wanted to shrug it off again, but even you couldn't deny right now that things started to feel a little… suspicious. In the best way possible.

Because your phone call with Gisela took longer than expected, you had to rush to work. Your head was simply not there all day, and you struggled to get through the hours, until your first break. And when you took your phone out, you got another shock. Suddenly hundreds of people you didn't know had started following you. You quickly understood they were all fans of Seven Kings, and had simply noticed Sihtric started to follow someone new on his instagram. And like sheep, they started to follow your page too, probably hoping to become friendly with you and figuring out your connection with him.

You quickly switched your profile to private and deleted every follower you didn't know. Then you messaged Sihtric.

You: thanks for the follow

You: and for the few hundred new followers too yikes

Sihtric: ah fuck

Sihtric: sorry love

Sihtric: I didn't think about that. Sorry if I caused any trouble…

You: it's okay, I just switched my profile to private

Sihtric: I'm really sorry

Sihtric: you busy?

You: my break is actually almost over :(

Sihtric: aw damn :(

Sihtric: message me later? x

You: I will :) x

The rest of the day flew by, and when you got home, you quickly made yourself some dinner. And before you could message Sihtric, you saw he had already messaged you.

Sihtric: how was your day?

You: could be worse, so not too bad :) yours?

Suddenly Sihtric video called you, like you had done the night before. A shock went through your body again, and you took a deep breath before you answered the call.

'Hey,' you said, nervously.

'Hey yourself,' Sihtric smiled.

And fucking hell, how good he looked, you thought. Your heart stopped at the sight of his braided hair, while he was wearing a black hoodie. He sat outside on a balcony, you figured he was at what would be his hotel for the night, and he lit a cigarette. The only thing you didn't like about Sihtric; he smoked. But he looked so damn hot doing it…

'You look pretty,' Sihtric said, and took a drag from his cigarette.

'Thanks,' you felt your cheeks burn, 'so do you. I like your hair.'

'You like it?' he smiled, then exhaled the cigarette smoke through his nose and his slightly parted lips.

'Yeah,' you smiled, 'it looks good.'

'Thanks,' Sihtric chuckled, 'I had a short interview, for some bass guitar blog,' he said, 'figured I'd try and look decent.'

'You always look more than decent,' you laughed.

'You clearly haven't seen me when I wake up,' he winked.

'You're right, I haven't,' you giggled.

'Mhm,' Sihtric hummed, taking another drag, 'maybe one day, love,' he suddenly said.

'What?' your eyes grew big.

Did you just hear that right? Was that… was he making a move of sorts?

Sihtric grinned, shook his head lightly and pressed out his cigarette in the ashtray on his table.

'People treated you nice today then, lady?' he moved on and leaned back, holding his phone.

'A bit,' you shrugged, 'nothing out of the ordinary happened. But how was your day?'

'Quite boring,' Sihtric stretched his arms, showing off a part of his abs, as his hoodie got pulled up with his movements, 'the interview was fun. Got to play some bass,' he smiled, 'just had dinner with the guys, now we're all just doing our own thing.'

'Doesn't sound bad,' you smiled.

'It's not. But, hey, so… I was thinking,' Sihtric said as he got up and walked inside his hotel room, 'you said you wanted to come to the last show of this tour, right?' he asked and sat down on a comfy looking couch.

'Yeah, well, I tried to get a ticket, but you know…'

'Yeah, but what if I put you on the guestlist?'

'Oh, I… eh,' you stammered, 'that's really sweet. But.. I- I have to work that day, until eight in the evening, we work in shifts. My boss scheduled me already, it's too short notice to take the day off. I'm really sorry…'

'Oh,' Sihtric said and looked down at his feet, 'yeah, I understand,' he gave you a weak smile.

'I'm sorry, Sihtric. I would've loved to see the show again, but I'd only arrive like… near the end.'

You felt horrible. Sihtric looked visibly sad that you more or less turned down his invite, but you truly could not get that day off anymore.

'Maybe, hm…' Sihtric said, then paused, 'could you make it to the afterparty?' he asked.

'Oh, eh, I… I think so, yeah,' you said.

'Really?'

You swear you saw his eyes lit up.

'Yeah, I mean… I could take the train there after work. I'll be really tired though, but… yeah,' you chuckled, 'what time does it start?'

'Right after the show really, but I don't go there right away. I want to shower first and eat something,' Sihtric said, 'I never stay long either. But these parties only happen at the end of a tour, so I gotta show my face for an hour or so, you know?'

'I see,' you smiled, 'eh, yeah, let me check the trains real quick.'

Sihtric stared at you, anxiously waiting like an excited puppy to hear if you could make it or not.

'I could be there round eleven, does that work?' you frowned.

'Yeah, yeah,' Sihtric smiled, 'that's perfect. Just message me when you're close, and I'll wait outside the venue for you.'

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#sihtric x reader #sihtric x you #sihtric kjartansson #sihtric #sihtric fic #the last kingdom fic #the last kingdom #tlk #modern!sihtric

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hazeracha · 10 months

Text

• // ep. 171 // •

pairing // chan x reader

warning // smut, that's really it tbh and a little bit of fluff

wc: 3.9k

A/N this is my first time writing smut so I hope it was okay, let me know what you think please.... I also tried a new layout I although it's not really that different. But it might looked a little messed up on different devices so I’m sorry about that, I don’t know how to fix it and it’s stressing me out.

You missed Chan, you had only been apart for a few days but you missed him. You missed all the boys actually. They were such a big part of your life and when they weren’t there you felt lonely.

You haven’t gone home since Chan left and you have tidied the dorm from top to bottom multiple times to keep your mind occupied. For some reason, you miss him more than usual and you're not sure why? Probably because the last time you saw him your time together was interrupted, and you haven't been able to fulfil your needs as Chan has been so busy. You grabbed something to eat and sat on Chan’s bed turning on the TV. You sent him a message a little while ago and he still hasn’t replied. Just as you turned on the TV you got a notification telling you Chan was going live. Quickly clicking on the notification you put his live on the TV and sat back getting ready to watch.

*. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. *

As soon as the live ended you clicked on Chan’s contact and waited for his face to appear on screen. He was sitting at the desk he filmed his live and you could see Lee Know sitting in the background on the bed with one of their managers.

“Hey, you okay? You should be asleep it’s late back home” he asked immediately as he tilted his head in concern.

“Yeah I'm fine, I was just getting some food and then you started your live” you replied as you got yourself more comfortable and pulled the covers over yourself.

“Oh- you watched the live” he laughed as he covered his face but you could still see the tips of his ears changing colour.

“Of course I did, I miss you. Plus I probably won't be able to get sleep for another couple of hours” you said as Chan took a bite of his food.

“Why, what’s wrong? Do you-” his sentence was interrupted by their manager's voice “We’ll get going and give you two some time alone” the manager said pulling Lee Know up off the bed.

“No, it’s okay at least finish eating your food before you leave. I just wanted to speak to Chan before I went to bed”

“I was finished anyways plus I need to go and speak with the rest of the boys about the schedule tomorrow. It was nice seeing you again Y/N I'll bring the boys back safely” their manager said as he exited the room.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” Chan asked leaning in closer to the phone. The truth is you were having trouble sleeping but it’s probably not the reason Chan is thinking of. Knowing him he’s thinking of the worst, but your just horny and can’t stop thinking about him.

“I was really sleepy before I started watching your live, but someone woke me up because they were being so loud. YA! Lee Minho get over here” you joked to put Chan’s mind at ease before it went into overdrive.

“Oh she used your full name your in trouble” Chan laughed as Lee Know got off the bed and crouched down beside Chan so he could be seen on the camera.

“What? Why am I in trouble” he looked at the camera with wide eyes.

“Why are you so loud, was it really necessary to shout about spoons” Chan was hysterically laughing at this point and Lee Know’s facial expression softened as he realised you were joking and laughed along with Chan. Out of everyone, you were probably the only person Lee Know was scared of, and you're not sure why? You’re probably the least intimidating person ever. You think it’s because he knows how much you mean to Chan and is scared that if he messes up something with you, then his relationship with Chan will also suffer.

“You scared me I thought you were being serious” he put a hand over his heart and took a deep breath before going back to the bed standing at the edge and throwing himself on top of it.

“Sorry, I still don’t know why you boys find me so scary” Lee Know looked up from the bed before replying.

“It’s not you were scared of. Its Chan”

You laughed at his response before putting your full focus on your boyfriend who was watching you and his friend interact with the biggest smile on his face.

“Anyways, how are you baby?” you asked.

“I’m good, I just can’t wait to get home and see you” As Chan was speaking you could only focus on one thing. His lips, his full, soft, and kissable lips, and the way he bit on them every now and again before thinking of his next word.

It was getting hot, very hot. You placed the phone down and took off the jumper you were wearing. Chan’s jumper, of course. You threw it to the end of the bed before picking up the phone.

“The performance went well and we- baby. What are you doing!” Chan quickly picked up the phone pulling it closer to himself and away from Lee Know’s view.

“What do you mean I was just taking off my jumper. It’s too warm”

“Oh- right okay. I just saw a piece of clothing go flying across the room and I panicked. Sorry. Also my jumper, not yours” It was always so easy to fluster Chan, it was one of your favourite things to do.

“Wow, what ever happened to what’s mine is yours and yours is mine huh?” You laughed.

“You know I'm only joking” Chan quickly replied.

You and Chan spoke for about another half an hour before your eyes started to get heavy and you could feel yourself falling asleep. “Well. I think I'm going to leave you now. I’m getting a little tired”

“Okay, I’ll phone you tomorrow before we board the plane” Chan explained. “Okay, baby. Enjoy the rest of your little date with Lee Know”

“Oh don't worry Y/N, I’ll make sure he enjoys” Lee Know spoke up pulling a few sexy poses and kicking his feet as he lay on the bed. Chan stood up from the chair and approached the boy turning the camera around so you could see him.

“Wow, very sexy. Chan promise me you won’t leave me for him”

“I don’t know you might have some competition, I’m a little-”

“Stop your sentence right there. Do not continue. I don’t want to hear about how you feel without Y/N and your ‘needs’ again” Lee know interrupted.

“Again?” You questioned

“Yeah he was telling us all about how much he-”

“Okay, that’s enough talking, I’ll phone you tomorrow. I love you, sleep well” Chan rushed out his sentence

“I love you too” After your response the call quickly ended but not before you heard a loud slapping sound, you can only imagine where Chan hit the poor boy.

Calls with the boys were never boring and always left you in a good mood and you couldn’t wait for them to come home. Before going to bed you decided to message Chan and Lee know to get more information on the conversation you were rudely interrupted from having.

Lee know 🙄🐰

Me: when you get home your telling me everything Chan said

Me: Also how does it feel as the butt hunter to be on the opposing end???

Lee Know🙄🐰: I'm telling Chan your bullying me 😐

Me: your unbelievable 🙄

Just as you replied to Lee Know’s text a notification popped up from Chan.

Channie 🖤

Channie 🖤: Please leave the poor boy alone

Channie 🖤: Also look at this....

Channie 🖤: image

*. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *. * · *

Today was the day Chan and the rest of the boys were coming home from LA, there flight landed early morning in Korea so you decided to get up early and get the boys some food and snacks before they arrived home.

You got changed into a pair of black jeans and stole Hyunjin's Celine hoodie with the chequered writing, you tied your hair up in a low pony and made your way to the local convenience store down the street. You filled two bags with snacks and drinks for the boys before heading to their favourite restaurant in the area. You were greeted by the young boy who was standing behind the counter as soon as you entered.

“Hello, what can I do for you today” he smiled as you walked towards him.

“I would like to place an order for takeaway” I said.

“Oh yeah, what can I get for you? The young boy asked grabbing a pen and notepad.

“It’s a very large order I hope your prepared” you joked as the young boy laughed. You started to list off all the items you wanted as the boy furiously wrote down everything you said.

“You weren’t kidding when you said it was a large order, I’ll go put this through in the kitchen. But it might be a little while before it’s ready” he explained.

“Yeah of course that’s fine” you replied taking a seat beside one of the large windows that decorated the front of the restaurant.

“That better not all be for you” the same boy said as he walked towards your table in the corner placing a can of coke in front of you, you looked at him with a confused expression before he replied.

“I’ve seen you here a few times and you always order this to drink. It’s on the house since you’ll be waiting here for a while”

“Oh thank you” you smiled as you opened the can and took a drink, you were quite thirsty due to the warm weather today so the drink was very refreshing.

“Are you having a party or something?” The boy asked.

“You sure do ask a lot of questions, shouldn’t you be getting back to work” you laughed.

“No, I’m on my break just now actually but I’ll leave you alone, I’m sorry” he politely said as he stood up and bowed towards you apologising for his actions.

“No, no it’s okay I was only joking. My boyfriend and his friends are coming back from a trip so I thought getting them some snacks and a nice meal would help cheer them up a bit after spending so long travelling” you explained.

“There really lucky to have someone whose cares so much about them, I’m sure they will really enjoy it”

You and the young boy continued to talk until your food was ready and his short break was over, you said your goodbyes and exited the restaurant. The walk home was quiet but your arms were getting tired and you couldn’t help but think you bought too much food, but you knew either way the boys would appreciate and make their best efforts to finish the food you had got them.

As you entered the dorm your phone buzzed, quickly placing the food on the kitchen counter you pulled out your phone to see a message from Chan telling you that there plane had landed and you would be making their way back to the dorm. You quickly replied to the message telling him to bring all the boys to their dorm as you had a surprise for them.

You waited for about forty minutes before you heard the jingle of keys at the front door. Rushing off the couch you were sitting on, the door flew open and your were engulfed in a hug by Chan. You both swayed from side to side as the rest of the boys brought in their bags and suitcases.

“How are you?” Chan asked as he pulled away from the hug and looked into your eyes.

“I’m good, I missed you” you replied as you gave him a kiss, “come look in the kitchen I have a surprise for you. Boys come here!” you shouted as everyone followed you into the kitchen. There were multiple screams of excitement as they all saw the food lying on the counter.

“Ahhh I’m so hungry, thank you Noona” Changbin exclaimed as he rushed to open the boxes and pile multiple different foods onto his plate. Soon all the boys followed, Chan stood behind you with his hands wrapped around your waist before leaning down and whispering in your ear.

“We’re all so lucky to have you, you know that?”

“Of course I do, you all tell me all the time, how can I possible forget. Now hurry up and go get some food before it’s all gone” you ushered him away as the boys began to sit down in the living room.

You were sitting on the couch with Hyunjin and Jeongin beside you sitting on either side. Everyone sat in silence and ate their food and it was times like these that you spent together that were your favourite. Moments where no words were spoken just the comfort of knowing you were all there for each other and enjoyed spending time together. Although these moments never usually lasted long as the silence was broken by a loud voice from beside you.

“Yaaa! Y/N is that my jumper your wearing?” Hyunjin screamed in your ear causing you and a few of the boys to jump due to his loud voice.

“Did you really have to shout that. You could have just asked like a normal person" you laughed.

"We all know Hyunjin isn't normal, so that's impossible for him" Jeongin chimed in from beside you.

"Come here you little..." Hyunjin reached over you to ruffle the younger boys hair.

"Ya! Hyunjin. Leave him alone" you said trying to move Hyunjin who was now fully lying across you to mess with Jeongin. "Just for that how about you go and do the dishes and clean the kitchen"

Hyunjin's movements immediately stopped as he looked at you with large eyes and a pout on his lips.

"On you go, hurry up" you pushed him off the couch giving his butt a few taps as he stood up. All the boys began to laugh holding out their plates for Hyunjin to come and collect. As he reached down to collect Jeongin's he stuck his tongue out like a little kid trying to annoy his younger sibling.

"Thanks for the food Noona. I’m ready to go to sleep now” he laughed as he lay his head back on the couch closing his eyes.

“Aww, is baby bread tired after eating his meal” you joked as he opened his eyes to look at you.

“Shut up” he said lightly punching your shoulder.

“Come here” you placed your arm around his shoulder pulling him closer letting his head rest on your chest, he curled his legs up so he was lying on the sofa using your body to hold himself up. You placed a kiss on top of his head as he snuggled in closer to you wrapping both his arms around your waist and closing his eyes.

“How come he gets to cuddle and I don’t?” Chan’s voice could be heard from the other couch.

“You'll get some later don’t worry” you replied flashing a smile and sending a wink in his direction. You watched as his face turned red as he avoided eye contact and continued his conversation with Felix and Changbin.

“I’m so glad I don’t share a dorm with Chan Hyung when your staying over” Jeongin mumbled against your chest.

After watching a movie together, Lee Know, Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin all went back to their dorm whilst the rest of you stayed in the living room just talking and catching up for another few hours.

”I think I'm going to call it a night and go to bed” Hyunjin announced as he stood up and went to his room, a few minutes later Changbin and Han followed.

“Are we gonna call it a night as well?” You asked looking up at Chan from where you lay on his lap.

“Yeah I think we should, I’m pretty tired.” You both stood up from the couch and made your way towards Chan’s room.

“I can’t wait to spend the next few days with you” Chan said as he sat on the edge of his bed opening his arms to let you sit on his lap.

“I know neither can I, but do you want to talk about it, it’s a big thing and your being pretty relaxed about it. If I were you I would be freaking out right now.”

“I don’t think it’s quite hit me that I'm going for surgery in a couple days, so how about you ask me tomorrow and maybe it will have set in” he joked.

“Okay, I'll ask you tomorrow” you ran your hand through his hair letting your hand rest at the back of neck. You pulled him closer and placed a kiss on his lips before pulling away. “So do you have that outfit from LA in your bag?”

“No I don’t sadly, but I don’t see the point if you would have been taking it off me the second you saw me in it” he teased as he flipped you over so you were now laying on your back and he was between your legs.

He began placing kisses along your neck pulling down the jumper to expose your collar bones, he trailed his hands from your waist and started to lift the jumper up,

“I’m not sure Hyunjin would like it if his jumper got dirty, would he?” Chan smirked as you sat up helping him pull the item of clothing off.

Chan started to loosen the strings of his joggies just enough to pull them off as you repositioned yourself a little further up the bed, he ran his hands along your thighs as he crawled on top of you once again and began to unbutton your jeans.

“I missed you so much, I really wish you were coming to Australia with me. My family miss you so much”

“I know, if I could get the time of work I would but we have a big project that needs to be finished so I can’t afford to take the time off” You explained as you helped Chan pull of your jeans.

He sat back to look at you lying on his bed in just your underwear and you swear you could see stars in his eyes. Every time he looked at you it was as if you held the whole world in your hands and you were the most precious thing to ever exist.

“I can’t believe were about to have sex and you still manage to talk about work”

Chan laughed and began to pull his shirt off and throwing it into the pile of clothes that were now on his floor.

“I know, I’m sorry” Chan reached into his bedside table taking out and condom and ripping the packet open before taking off his boxers and rolling it onto his dick. You were on the pill but you and Chan always wanted to be safe as the pill wasn’t always effective. If there was something Chan was very serious about it was this. He always wanted to make sure that there were no surprises and that if you were to become pregnant it was planned and he was one hundred percent prepared, and with how busy his life was right now that wasn’t possible.

“You okay, just tell me if you want to stop” He asked placing a kiss on your shoulder and moving a few strands of hair away from your face. You nodded and pulled Chan closer attaching your lips to his.

“No, let me hear you say it”

“I’m okay, I can assure you once you start I’m not going to want you to stop after being interrupted last time. I’ve been waiting for this for too long.”

Chan moved your underwear to the side and slowly slid into you, he stilled his actions waiting for you to speak.

“You can move”

He nodded and started to slowly roll his hips into you. He started slow before his movements got faster, he continued to kiss you neck leaving a few marks on your collar bones. He held your waist tight pushing you down into the bed to stop you from moving. As his movements got faster you wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him closer and stop him from thrusting into you.

“Stop, if you keep moving like that I'm not going to be able to stay quiet” You said as you tried to catch your breath letting your head fall back deeper into the pillows. Chan continued his movements as you let your hands run along his back. He kissed your lips once again only this time he let his tongue enter your mouth.

“This should keep you quiet”

You moaned into his mouth as his movements became faster once again and he cupped your breast with one hand.

“I’m close” you spoke breaking away from the kiss and moaning one last time before clenching around him and letting out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

Chan slowed down and continued thrusting into you before his face screwed up and his head dropped into the crook of your neck

“Fuck” he breathed heavily as he finished and pulled out of you.

“See we don’t need a stupid outfit to have a good time”

“We might not need it but I definitely would have finished faster if you did” You joked as he pulled a couple of tissues out of the box sitting on the desk to help you clean up .

“What! Was that not enough for you, miss ‘I'm not going to be able to keep quiet if you keep moving like that’ he mimicked your voice as he tied of the condom throwing it in the bin.

“Shut up, you know I’m only joking”

Chan picked up his t shirt from the floor and threw it at your face before climbing into bed beside you waiting for you to put the t shirt on and cuddle into him.

“Just so you know if the boys weren’t home I would have made you beg me to stop, regardless of what I was wearing”

“Just go to sleep Chan” You said as you lay your head on his chest and started to trace small shapes along his stomach.

“Your only mad because you know I'm right” he laughed, “I love you baby” he continued after kissing the top of your head.

“I love you too Channie”

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rrothh · 9 months

Text

sick

You saw him on a radio show broadcast looking tired and sick. You're worried.

genre: comfort + fluff + angst (just a little bit). pairing: changkyun x !gen reader warnings: it's based on a real radio show appearance back in 2021. not proofread.

You hear him cough even before opening the door of the small apartment, you hear him come in dragging his feet while holding a sneeze, you hear him remove his winter jacket, his sneakers and the bag he carry on him as if everything weighed a thousand pounds, dropping the stuff on the floor carelessly, you hear him sigh, a really tired sigh.

It's almost 4 in the morning.

Before even thinking to announce that he is back, you greet him relieved that he was able to return home to rest for a few hours before having to go back to fulfill that tight schedule that his job entails. Between those late late dance practices, the endless shows and presentations, the stages and the unhealthy diet you are very aware that comebacks can be brutal.

"I saw you on the radio show this morning ... I sent a very angry message to your manager" you confess without shame. You see how his face lightens despite those deep dark circles on his face and although he hides behind those long fringes, you see how his features soften and he smiles a little.

"No wonder why he was so tense and nervous”.

Your features also soften and you come close to give him a hug, one he doesn't deny, he hides his face in the crook of your neck and you can feel the coldness of his body temperature, as if he hadn't just taken off a padded jacket a few moments ago. You gently rub his back and run your hand through his straight hair while you feel him embrace you in his arms a little more... suddenly you feel him abruptly pull away, almost as if you had burned him.

“Wait, I'm very sick, I don't want you to get si-..."

“Oh shut up, I don’t care” you see how he opens his mouth to reply but instead a sneeze came out and now he has no choice but to surrender.

"I know it's 4 in the morning but I did dakjuk, I think it’ll help you feel better and then you could take a bath but I don't know how long you are staying here, actually I don't know if it's better if you go straight to bed and sleep for more hours" ideas pile up in your mouth as you head to the kitchen followed by the sound of him dragging his feet, you hear him laugh almost like a sigh.

"They gave me half a day, something like that”.

You sigh in pure frustration, half a day is no time to recover from a flu this strong, the memory of him leaning his forehead on the radio show microphone crosses your mind, you were going to turn around to complain about everything when you feel him hugging you from behind and now resting his forehead on your shoulder.

"You shouldn't have cooked anything" he tells you in a muffled voice, his mouth pressed against your shoulder. Finally, you let yourself go and grab his hand with which he is holding you firmly by the waist. He looks so tired, you understand that the last thing you’d want if you were on his shoes is to hear complaints, no matter how right they are.

“I’m sorry for complaining so much, it’s just… I was really worried when I saw you like that in the morning, I'm happy that you’re here to rest a little” your voice is almost inaudible, but you don't let go of his hand and he doesn't break his hold.

"I love you".

You smile and close your eyes, the sound of the kettle with boiling water starts to fill the room.

"I love you too, Changkyun".

AO3

well hello! this is just a repost of the one I made back in 2021 I just happen to finally open a new account just for... writing... i guess?? (more like to reblog things honestly) anyways, hope you don't minddd.

#monstax #monsta x drabble #changkyun x reader #im changkyun #changkyun/reader #i.m changkyun #i.m monsta x #im changkyun drabble

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ilovewhiteroses · 9 months

Text

The Oklahoma Wildman and the Nightmare

Pairing: Clement Mansell x The Corinthian Genre: Smut, humour Warnings: Mentions of violence, sex, cursing Rating: 18+ Note: Special thanks to @i-like-the-eyes for the help and suggestions!🥰

Clement and The Corinthian meet in the former's dream. At first they are not happy about each other's presence, but the sexual tension between them is high, especially on Corinthian's part. Will Clement be able to resist the alluring nightmare?

After a long day, Clement returned home to the elegant apartment his girlfriend had gotten for them. He turned on the light and noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen table. He went over and read it. On it was a message from Sandy:

Babe, I called you but you didn't pick up. We're going out with the girls, I'll be home late! XO!

He reached into his pocket for his cell phone to see if she had actually called him. It's no surprise that he didn't pick it up, since the phone was completely dead. He put it on the charger on the nightstand next to the bed in the bedroom, then went back to the kitchen and took off his leather jacket, which he threw carelessly on the barstool. He went to the fridge and got himself a bottle of cold beer. He sat down on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV, which was playing an old classic movie on one of the channels. He took his gun from his back pocket and placed it on the coffee table to make himself more comfortable. With the beer in one hand and the remote control in the other, he sat back and surfed the channels. He managed to find one that showed documentaries about notorious murderers. This pleased him and began to watch, while he slowly drank his beer. Not long after, due to alcohol and fatigue, he fell into a deep sleep.

He found himself in a stranger's kitchen, which looked like it had been taken out of an IKEA catalogue. At first, he didn't understand it, but then he remembered: a few days ago, he and Sweety had scouted where their next, potential rich mark lived. The rich guy's kitchen obviously didn't look like this in real life, but this is how it was pictured in Clement's subconscious.

"Is anyone here?" he asked, but when there was no answer, he went to the fridge and looked in to see if he could find some "dream beer". There was plenty of drinks on offer and when he was about to get a bottle for himself, he heard a deep voice behind him.

"Who the hell are you?"

He turned as fast as he could and in the dim light he saw a blond figure wearing sunglasses and a long gray coat with a knife in his hand. As a first reaction, he reached back for his gun, but he didn't have it, so as another idea, he took out a bottle from the fridge and threw it at the stranger, who only had to bend slightly in order to not be hit.

"Stop!" said the man and walked closer to him.

"I'll ask you one more time: who are you?" he asked angrily. Clement didn't understand who this was or how he got there. What was certain that it was not the rich guy, as he was bigger and had darker hair.

When he realized that he was only dreaming, he said.

"I could ask the same thing!"

"Me? My name is The Corinthian.” replied the stranger, pointing at himself with his sharp knife.

”The Corinthian? What kind of fucking name is that, are you a performer? Because if so, I'm sorry, but I've never heard of you." Clement replied phlegmatically. The knife man continued.

"I'm a nightmare and I'm supposed to kill a big guy, but you're not him."

Clement's eyes lit up.

"Nightmare? Kill? Hm, then it looks like our situation is similar, because I am also a murderer. I mean, in real life, not in dreams. And my name is Clement.” he said, a little more relaxed.

"Really?" Corinthian looked in front of him questioningly. "Interesting. Then that's why you didn't run away from me like others did."

Clement looked at the fridge. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked politely. Corinthian didn't ask for a drink, so Clement didn't get himself one either. "I think we should sit down at the dining table and talk for a bit, I'm interested in this knife-nightmare thing."

They both sat opposite each other and started talking.

"Tell me about yourself!" Clement said excitedly.

"Do you know who The Sandman is?" Corinthian asked.

"Well, I know the Metallica song, if that counts." Corinthian scratched his head.

"Close enough. The Sandman, the King of Dreams, is the one who lulls you to sleep. You, humans, enter The Dreaming in your dreams, where he, I, and many other dreams and nightmares come from. I am his creation, I just ran away from there.” Clement listened to the story with interest.

"Wow! You know, I don't believe in hocuspocus stories, but this sounds really exciting. When and why did you run away?”

"A long time ago, to find out what it feels like to be human." said the nightmare, spinning the knife on the table.

"Well, if you ask me, it's fucking awesome to be human! Drinks, cool old cars and music, hot women, what else do you want, right?” he asked him with a big grin. "And then you kill with that knife?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I only scare people in their dreams, I kill in real life. I will stab them and then eat their eyes with my teeth-eyes.” Corinthian said casually. The grin slowly faded from Clement's face and he looked in confusion.

"What?"

"You heard me right."

Clement leaned back in his chair and eyed Corinthian suspiciously.

"Are you telling me that you have teeth instead of eyes? Are you fucking serious?” the nightmare nodded.

"Oh come on! I believe it when I see it!" he said and the nightmare lifted his sunglasses and indeed, in place of his eyes, there were small teeth, the same as his own, in his mouth. Clement almost fell over with the chair, so shocked at the sight.

"What in the fucking hell is that?" Do you see anything at all, I mean, how, HOW?” he searched for words.

"Just so you know, I can see perfectly, even better than you." Corinthian said still in his usual chill manner.

"Come to think of it, that's both the most fucked up and coolest thing I've ever seen." Clement said laughing. He also felt a little embarrassed for reacting to the unusual eyes like that. After all, this was just a dream, so nothing should startle him!

"Well, you've heard enough about me, now tell me about yourself. You said you were a murderer too.”

"Yes. I kill, but only if I have to, or if someone fucks up my mind. I'm originally from Oklahoma, but I've been in Detroit for a while. I have done a few things back home that made me earn the ’Oklahoma Wildman’ name. Now, me and my buddy, Sweety have Judge Guy’s little book to extort money from rich people and if someone doesn't want to pay…” he said with his fingers imitating a gun shot. Corinthian found this interesting, but Clement himself even more so. Actually, he really liked him…

Clement continued.

"Until we get our money, we'll stay here, but later when we have it, me and my girlfriend, Sandy, will go to Aruba."

"Really? What does she look like?” the nightmare asked and Clement took out his phone and showed him a sexy bikini picture of the blonde girl.

"Hot, huh?" he asked, biting his lip.

"Yes, she is. Maybe one day I'll visit her in her dream." Corinthian said suggestively. Clement couldn't decide if he meant sex or murder, but he wasn't happy about the idea.

"Don't you dare!" he said menacingly as Corinthian put both hands up in surrender. He obviously didn't mean it, but who knows...

After some awkward silence, Clement continued the conversation.

"Let's talk about something else, let's say, music. Who do you love, who do you listen to?"

"Um, I don't really have a favorite, I'm an omnivore. I mean, when it comes to music.” Corinthian hoped he had caught the hint. "In fact, I don't really listen to music, I don't have time for it. Why, what kind of music do you like?”

"Classics, mainly rock and funk rock. Among the newer ones, my absolute favorite is The White Stripes. All their songs are fucking good, Jack White is a genius!”

"Yeah, they're good." agreed Corinthian, though his thoughts began to wander…

"In fact, I sing, too!" Clement said excitedly like a little kid. "Would you like to hear my voice? I am interested in your opinion!"

Corinthian honestly would have preferred to do anything else, but ended up agreeing to listen to him. This dream could not have been more surreal, and this thought came from him, who was not an ordinary being himself.

"Um, okay, let me hear it."

Clement performed Seven Nation Army with the enthusiasm of being in the finals of a talent show.

"So, how was it?" he asked after singing, waiting for the evaluation.

"Well, I've heard worse," Corinthian said with a shrug.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, at least you didn't sound like someone who put his dick in a meat grinder. It was good, but not perfect."

Clement was offended to say the least.

"Okay, I get it. Obviously you have a better voice than me."

"No, I don’t and for now it would be better if we drop the music topic. Let's talk about more interesting things. Since this is a dream, how about you and I…” he said in a seductive voice and raised one eyebrow.

"What the fuck? Have you lost your mind? I have a girlfriend, and besides, you're a dude with fucked up eyes!" he said out loud, indignant, but Corinthian wasn't bothered.

"Oh, come on, Clement! I can tell that you are the type who likes to experiment. Don't tell me you've never had anything to do with a man in your life!"

Clement thought that he was right. He actually had affairs with men before, but nothing serious. Back in his early twenties, when he broke up with his first girlfriend, he went to a bar with a friend, where, after drinking some alcohol, he had the courage to ask the young man how it felt to kiss a guy. The friend was not embarrassed and exchanged a passionate kiss with Clement, who began to feel new feelings and felt that his cock was hard. On another occasion, a man, he did not know that well, gave him a hand job, because there was no one else around and he had needs. As he thought of these, Clement felt a rush of heat and felt his pants get a little tighter… He loved Sandy and would never have cheated on her, but since this was a dream where anything could happen, he realized there was nothing to worry about. Besides, Corinthian was very handsome, even from a male perspective.

"Take off your coat and come here!" he stood up and instructed the nightmare, who liked this better. With a big smile on his face, he did as Clement asked. He stood in front of him, then Clement grabbed his ass and pulled him close.

"So you want to have sex? Okay, but then I will be on top and I will be in charge!” he said firmly and in a sultry voice.

"Alright! Now, take me!” Corinthian said as Clement tilted his head to the side and kissed him. They both moaned loudly as ran through their fingers in each other's hair, then pulled their shirts off and undid each other's belts to get out of their pants. Both of their cocks were already hard, which pressed against each other's bellies during the second round of kissing.

"Let's go to the counter and lean forward!" ordered Clement Corinthian. He leaned on the counter with his elbows and pushed his ass towards Clement, who spat into his palm and lubricated his cock with his saliva, then put it in the nightmare.

This is a dream, I can be rough if I want, he thought to himself.

Corinthian was too tight at first, but quickly got used to the size of the wildman. Clement grabbed him by the hips and started thrusting into him in a fast rhythm. Corinthian really enjoyed how Clement dictated a relentless pace, one that almost made his sunglasses fall off. The room was silent except for the lusty, hot moans of the two of them and the way Clement's hips slapped against Corinthian's ass. Clement loved that he didn't have to hold back. Sandy never let him do it like that, only doggystyle was allowed, but even then he couldn't be that wild. In his desire, Corinthian reached for his own cock and started to masturbate, while fantasizing about giving the wildman a blow job and the other way around.

"Oh God, I think I'm going to cum soon!" Clement said and Corinthian stopped him.

"Wait, let’s switch positions, because I'm not far away either." Clement pulled himself out of his sunglasses wearing partner and Corinthian stood up on shaky legs before going over for a quick kiss.

"Lie on the floor, I want to ride you!" he said and Clement was already lying down, feeling the cold of the floor on his back. Corinthian knelt down next to him, he also lubricated his cock a little with is own saliva, then he sat on him in a riding position so that he could put Clement's cock back inside him. He moved up and down, back and forth at a good pace, but not as wildly as Clement, who stroked the nightmare's chest with one hand and jerked him off with the other. It was one of the most erotic experiences of his life, and deep down, Clement was a little sorry that it wasn't actually happening.

When they both felt that they were about to climax, Clement gripped Corinthian's ass and came hard, while the result of the nightmare’s pleasure ended up on Clement’s chest. Corinthian pulled the wildman out of him and practically fell to the floor next to him. They were both panting like they'd been doing it non-stop for a week, which Corinthian wouldn’t mind one bit and maybe Clement either, although getting money was more important to him.

The sun was starting to rise, which meant that Clement would be waking up soon, so they both got dressed. He was a little embarrassed, not really daring to look the nightmare in the eye.

"What? Don't feel guilty! The point is that you enjoyed it, which you can't deny, because I felt it." he said biting his lip. Clement replied with a boyish smile, meaning that he was right.

"Well, thanks for the nice…dream, I guess." he said to which Corinthian smiled kindly, then he slowly started to wake up.

When he opened his eyes, he called Sandy, but he didn't get an answer, obviously she hadn't come home yet or was sleeping at one of her friends. Clement felt some wetness around his crotch, reached down and realized that his dream orgasm had indeed affected his real life.

Tags: @merryandrewsworld @demi321win-chester

@thefloatingpicklele @delicateteenagerunaway

@sadnessanninthedark @e-dubbc11

@rayisheree @duncans-vizla-honeybee

@itsthevelvetline @moomiman42069

@evenmyhivemindisempty @a-h-li

@enkelimoonstone @tampire

@spider-bren

#clement mansell #the corinthian #boyd holbrook #justified: city primeval #the sandman #clement mansell x the corinthian #fanfiction

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elitsann · 9 months

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Hey, as someone who really wants to get into the industry but is still trying to build a portfolio of work but has no projects to work on. How would I go about that? For example Prop Design and Story boarding?

Hey anon,

First of all I just realised I have a bunch of messages just lying around in my inbox that I never ever saw so if you sent this like a year ago and I'm only replying now - I'm sorry!! But I thought I'd better answer late than never :)

The simple answer is - you can just make some projects up! A lot of stuff in my portfolio to this day is not from any professional projects but just self-initiated stuff. I have some character and prop designs in there that aren't from actual real shows, but I basically had ideas for shows that I'd like to see get made so I pretended I was working on them, and just came up with my own cohesive style for each one.

Personally I do this because I'd like to one day bite the bullet and pitch some of them, but I realise it might seem a bit intimidating coming up with an entire fake show of your own! The thing is, especially at this stage, it doesn't have to be the best thing since sliced bread. You're trying to get some art out there and show off your work, not flex your writing/storytelling muscles (although if you want to do that you totally can of course). You don't need to have a whole story written/figured out! You can literally just take a concept, e.g. "Alice in Wonderland but set in the 70s London punk scene" and that's plenty to work with!

For storyboarding, I'm not an expert on this but... YouTube is full with people making their own animatics at the moment, boarding excerpts from podcasts, let's play videos, etc. That, to me, seems like a perfect way to show your storyboarding chops. Some people will also board to bits from a film or show, but if you've actually seen the film or show it's very hard to not be influenced by it - perhaps your friends can pick out a clip from something you've never seen for you to board to! Go for clips that show comedy, action, or emotion, those are the big three things you want to hit - usually people have one or two that they're better at, so you can totally specialise.

Also, although I've pointed to YouTube as a resource, just a warning - a lot of the stuff on there that's labelled "animatic" is literally overboarded and borders on animation (some of it IS straight up animation), so bear that in mind. You shouldn't have to keyframe everything!!

I hope that helps a little, I know it's really intimidating to just be starting out in an industry full of incredible artists who all seem to have years of experience but you've got this! I had more animation than design work in my portfolio initially so no one considered me for design roles until I did exactly what I've just described, and did it a lot.

#prop design #storyboarding #animation #anon

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taylor · 2 years

Text

loooong rambly post about my feelings, u can scroll past i've just gotta Vent

this is small but i unfollowed the guy i've been trying desperately to get over (on twitter only tho) and like, it's a small step but it's in the right direction (and also tbh if ur mutuals w someone on twitter and NEVER interact, and ur friends, it's kinda weird??? like NO interactions over the last 12 months, like what...)

idk, i'm not the kind of person that's just on call for this dude whenever he wants to get down and dirty, like i've gotta have more respect for myself than that.

and tbh, it's VERY telling when he'd interact with me in places others couldn't really see (DMs, discord, even tumblr) but on the more public places (twitter, sometimes instagram), it'd be diddly-squat except a like on an IG photo or something. it just hurts and kinda showed me he didn't want people in his real life (i.e. the girl i know he's had feelings for for a while) to see him interacting with me. (wonder why? - oh, i have a guess. probably because he liked that woman and didn't want her to see him talking to me since he's only romantically interested in her and not me...he basically told me as much 3 years ago when my DUMB FUCKING ASS told him i liked him....lololol)

i mean, i can't be mad at him that he doesn't like me back that way, i understand i can't fault someone who did in fact tell me in 2019 that he "didn't like me exactly like that" -- but i can put my foot down and not be accessible to him anymore in the FWB way we had. lmao

i'm just kinda rambling at this point and i certainly don't expect anyone to read this whole thing (or tbh any of it but i'm writing this mainly for me) but i've been carrying around the massive weight of this tormenting crush for almost FOUR fucking years, it's high time i put myself first. like there'd be times where he'd ignore me or not reply for months (which is fine, god knows i do that) but my issue came into play when he'd message me after his months-long hiatus like with the horniest shit ever. like okay you can't bother to wish me a fucking happy birthday (and i know he saw m like 50 stories bc he watched them immediately as i was posting them, so he knew it was my birthday lol), or reach out when you saw me about to be fired (again, i knew he saw the stories so this isn't me just reaching), or reach out when you saw i was in a depressive spiral (i don't need saving but it'd be nice to have someone check in on me SOMETIME...... BUT YOU CAN REACH OUT WHEN U WANT UR DICK WET???? that's the craziest part! he's got NO trouble triple or quadruple messaging me with his horny ass but can't be assed to wish me a happy birthday when he was basically viewing everything i posted that day starting pretty early. idk i just notice shit like that.

sorry sorry i just, i've realized i deserve more than this dude that i somehow convinced myself was "the one" due to how infatuated i'd become with him.

the person who loves me and that i love in return will inherently understand that i am NOT someone you can love quietly, i am not someone that you can just ignore until you're horny.

i'm choosing myself and i'm putting myself first and that started with me not replying to his last (pathetic) attempt to reach back out a few weeks ago (didn't even mention a late bday which tbh i'm not anal about birthday wishes on the ACTUAL day and usually a month after my bday is totally fine like i don't expect a day of, or anything - tho it'd be nice and he'd done it every year in the past besides this one) - and unfollowing him on twitter and removing him as my follower on there since he never liked or replied to anything i ever did (Which to me, and this is my personal opinion, was fucking WEIRD since he was active on there ALL the time).

it's still gonna take me a while to fully, truly get over him, but it's not fair to him to expect him to be someone he's not and clearly can't be - and it's not fair to me to keep pretending he's eventually going to change his ways. i hope he finds whatever the fuck it is he's looking for, but it's not with me.

it kinda feels good to have withdrawn from him. i doubt he'd put two and two together (i.e that his behavior and lack thereof was the reason i ended things) but maybe eventually later in life, he'll realize what a prize, what a catch, what a lover i could have been.

and by then? by then i'll be with someone who knows how to love me loudly and doesn't make me agonize over their actions.

(sidenote: he'd call me baby all the time, call me sexy, say shit like "Thank god for women, like thank god for you", and even tho I knew he was probably just saying shit, both of us knew i had at one point in time liked him - i never told him i still did and maybe he assumed as much...but like he'd be doing all this shit that made me doubt his original claim that he didn't have feelings for me. but now that it's been years and years i've realized he only wants me when it's convenient for him, and that doesn't work for me. it doesn't. i'm fucking done agonizing over whether or not he'd like my stuff or reply to me or whatever the fuck, like i'm just truly done at this point. if he wanted to, he would have, and it's as fucking simple as that)

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modernpaw · 3 years

Text

Midnight Ride

Adam Sackler x Female Reader

Summary: You've been chatting with a guy you matched with on a dating app for two weeks now, and tonight is your first time meeting him in person.

Notes: This is not at all related to The One, the other piece I wrote about Sackler days earlier. For the purposes of this universe, let's pretend that sitting on the metal handlebar of a bicycle and going around New York late at night aren't dangerous. LOL. And just for added feels, this is the song that was responsible for this fic.

CW: A little bit of swearing, AFAB reader, awful cycling practices, but generally fluff

Words: 1.3k

It's been two years since you last went out on a date, but anyone looking at you now wouldn't be able to tell, not with the way you seem so comfortable talking to the man sitting across you.

Several weeks ago, you decided to finally reenter the dating scene, swiping left and right through New York's most eligible bachelors. To your unexpected delight, the pickings weren't as slim as you thought, and you ended up matching with several interesting men.

Adam happened to be one of them. His profile listed him as an actor, a detail that usually makes you a bit wary, considering that most actor types you know seem to be only interested in themselves, but there was something about him that made you reconsider.

His eyes had both an intensity and a vulnerability that made it hard for you to look away. And with that kind of connection just from the screen alone, you couldn't not give it a shot.

And you're so glad you did.

Adam is thoughtful and sweet, remembering details about you despite mentioning them only once and reminding you to take your vitamins. But he's also funny as hell and swears like the world is going to fucking end tomorrow.

After two weeks of constant messaging, you two agreed to meet up for dinner at a late-night diner along Madison.

The moment you strode in, the two of you locked eyes immediately. There was no mistaking Adam. His hair was just as long as it was in the photo, and when he stood up to greet you, you saw exactly what the 6"3 in his profile came with, and boy did you approve.

Fortunately, he didn't seem to notice your ogling, overshadowed as it was by the confusion of whether you two should go in for a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or a handshake. It should have been awkward, but then you laughed and gave him a bright smile, and just like that, the tension was broken.

You spent the first hour candidly talking about your respective expectations about how the other would look in real life, which somehow, led to you two exchanging photos of your younger selves over burgers and fries.

"You looked so cute with braces on!"

"Oh my god, Adam, your ears are so adorable!"

"Holy shhiiiiitttt, had you gone to prom with me in that, I never would have left you a virgin!"

"Adam!" you hissed, clamping his mouth with one hand while looking around frantically. You might have told him about your high school boyfriend backing out of having sex with you on the night of your high school prom, but that didn't mean you wanted the rest of the diner to know it, too.

"What," he replied innocently once you removed your hand. "I totally wouldn't!"

"Shut up!" you said, trying not to laugh as his declarations became more and more ridiculous. The rest of dinner went on in a similar vein, with Adam making you laugh and you trying not to choke on your food, and by the time you decide to get the bill, it's nearly midnight.

"I can't believe we've been talking for almost four hours!" you exclaim, looking at your watch.

"I can," he says boldly, eyes twinkling at you, like he's still in awe that you're real. And he is. From the moment you two connected on the app, Adam has found himself drawn to you. You're smart and funny, but not in a way that seems like you think yourself better than everyone else or self-destructive. You appear genuinely interested in him as a person, and so far, you don't seem to be put off by his "intense" disposition.

Whenever he talks to you, he feels like he wants to be on his best behavior, but also that he doesn't have to pretend to be anyone else, which he's well-aware is a complete oxymoron. Still, it's the only way he can put it.

He told Ray as much earlier this evening, and Ray just told him that maybe, just maybe, him being on this so-called best behavior is not too far from who he really is.

But Adam has no fucking clue who he is. After Hannah, after Jessa, after all the women he's been with, he feels like he's just beginning to get to know himself again. One thing he knows for sure, however, is that he likes himself when he talks to you.

And he doesn't want the night to end.

Neither do you.

You two are walking aimlessly down the street when Adam stops in his tracks and turns to you.

"Wanna go for a ride?" he asks.

"What?" you squawk.

Adam laughs at your reaction. "Not that kind of ride, kid," he says, and you realize that he's referring to the row of Citi bikes for rent on the curb.

You're not exactly embarrassed by your reaction, but his next words definitely fluster you.

"But maybe on our next date," he teases, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," you manage to toss back in reply before leaving him to inspect the bicycles at a closer range.

Adam shakes his head. "Okay, that's it," he says before wrapping his hands around your waist and picking you up from behind.

"Adam!" you yell out, giggling.

He swings you a few times before eventually helping you get on the metal handlebar of the bike. Your hands automatically hold on to the bar to keep yourself upright. "Keep that adorable tush right there," he murmurs as he gets on the bike seat behind you.

Then he starts pedalling.

It's not exactly easy to hold a conversation on a bicycle, but somehow, you two manage by taking turns asking each other short would-you-rather questions with absolutely no context.

"Elephants or koalas?" he asks.

"Elephants. They never forget," you answer. "Lions or tigers?"

"Lions," he says grimly. "Tigers will most certainly eat you on sight. Hero or villain?"

"I-Innocent bystander," you manage to say despite the laughter that's already bubbling so close to the surface. It turns into a full-on guffaw when he sputters comically behind your ear. "That's not even one of the choices, kid!"

"Well, the rules have changed!" you yell back when a cab honks loudly in the distance. "Gold or silver?"

"Glass," he replies, not willing to concede even though he has zero idea how to not lose. "Upstairs or downstairs?"

"Uh," you stutter, not expecting such a difficult one right away. "Sideways."

"Really?" he asks, his voice taking on a velvety quality. You don't know how to explain it, but you feel like Adam has just changed the rules right under your nose.

"You bet," you answer, soldiering on. "On or off?"

Adam laughs, and you try not to shiver at the hot puffs of breath that warm the back of your ear. "Oh, definitely off," he says.

"You're supposed to give me an answer that's not one of the choices," you say, trying to distract your thoughts from going down that road.

"I'm sorry," he says in a way that says he's definitely not sorry at all. "Fast or slow?"

Well, two can play that game. "Fast," you say, but before he can react, you add, "Like a fucking jackhammer."

"Ffffuck," he swears and he pedals a bit faster.

"Adam!" you cry out suddenly, afraid to lose your balance.

"Shit! Sorry!" he apologizes, gently slowing down to a stop. The Brooklyn Bridge is a good place to end the ride as any, and if you didn't know any better, you'd think that he planned this perfectly. You hop down from your seat and turn to face Adam who makes to dismount as well.

"Want to walk the rest of the way?" Adam asks you with a goofy smile.

You smile back. "Yeah, I'd like that."

As you stroll over the bridge side by side, Adam slowly inches his hand on the handlebar closer to yours and you reach out to do the same. You can't stop yourself from smiling, and you just know, even without looking, that he's got a smile on his face, too.

Tagging: @cornmousequeen, @fizzywoohoo, @paper-n-ashes, @morby

If you would like to be tagged in future adcu stories or only those for specific adcu characters (which I cannot promise will actually happen), let me know! :) Otherwise, thank you for reading!

#Spotify #adam sackler x female reader #adam sackler x reader #afab reader #adcu fanfiction #adcu #mild swearing #do not ride bikes like this!

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savrenim · 3 years

Note

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

#my life #my writing #ifmlam

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echo-three-one · 3 years

Text

Chapter 38

THE ROAD SO FAR

The EIGHT-Thirty Appointment

John 'Soap' MacTavish

London, UK

Following the events of Shepherd's surrender to authorities, the members of Task Force 141 who went rogue in pursuit of him had been exonerated from treason. This meant that from then on, life would be a little more 'normal'. No more hiding in public, no more lack of equipment, no more secret hiding areas.

This prompted Laswell to recreate the task force she once poured her heart on, with a few changes to its jurisdiction. With Ghost, Roach and Alexandra still recovering, the remaining members were invited to celebrate their success.

"So John, now that 141 is back your main focus will be Nero. Do you want the reassigned members back?" Laswell asked Price while they exited the building. Soap overheard this because he thought he was the John being called.

"If it's still okay and not much of a hassle, then yes." Price replied.

"What about Kyle?" Laswell added.

"No. Not yet. Just keep an eye on him." Price mused and turned to Soap, who quickly turned to focus back on Alex as he pushed his wheelchair.

"Excuse me, Captain Price. Can we talk for a moment?" Samantha interrupted as they stopped on their tracks. Alex turned out of curiosity, wondering what matter they were discussing.

"Hey hey hey. What was that about?" Alex asked Soap and France, who continued walking. Laswell turned to the next right as she already finished her conversation with Price, waving at Alex and the rest of the 141.

Soap chuckled at the CIA. This was about Samantha's surprise for him and he shouldn't spoil it.

"Well, with 141 back maybe she just wanted to know where she will be now. Nero no longer needs the IP Address and she's been through a lot." France reasoned, making Alex frown.

"You know… I want her safe and all but I also want her within my reach. I've lost her far too many times already. I'm not going to lose her again." Alex grumbled making Soap and France look at each other, their faces were worried at their sorry excuse.

"I think Samantha feels the same way too. Maybe she's bargaining for staying at 141." Soap lied, making France question him quietly.

"You know what, Alex? Don't overthink this." Soap tapped his shoulders reassuringly.

"Overthink what?" Samantha inserted. They fell quiet and Samantha slowly asked Soap to let her push Alex as they moved forward, Samantha being excited of what's next.

"Well, we did a great job. I guess." Soap quietly commented sarcastically, earning a soft elbow from France.

"Ow!" he exaggerated and turned to France, his face looked bewildered.

"Way to go, John." She sneered and followed the two on their way to their appointment, riding Soap's trusty jeep.

The drive to the surprise area consisted of mostly Soap and Francine acting like couples while they drove. Soap could see the two murmuring at each other whenever Soap would argue with France on whatever's going on in the road.

"I always wanted to try out some London restaurants." she mused, looking at the place they just passed by.

"Yeah? I could see you as the fancy kind." he chuckled at his guess.

"What does that mean?" France gave him a suspicious glare. Soap looked at her, feigning surrender.

"I just said it as is. You're the kind of person who would want fancy stuff." He explained, focusing back on the road.

"I-"

"Come on. You don't have to read everything I say between the lines. Sometimes, I'm just a simple man" he whined and Alex and Samantha burst out laughing, causing the two to be quiet.

"Are you sure there's nothing going on with you two?" Samantha asked, making the silence a little bit more awkward.

Soap carefully rolled his eyes toward Francine, who was actually looking down and blushing. He really had no definitive stance on whatever's going on between them, and if you ask him, he'd love to assume that they're already together. But he remembered that he told her that he'll be patient, and that's the only thing that's hindering him from taking her to the next level.

"Well…" Francine croaked, her voice was shaky and Soap was actually worried that she was already under pressure.

"We're here." Soap interrupted, wishing he did the right thing. Alex quickly looked outside to see where they actually were.

"What is this place, Soap? Where did you bring us?" Alex asked and Soap just nodded.

"I'll let your girl fill in everything for you. This was her idea after all and we're here to help her out." Soap replied as he assisted him to his wheelchair and watched the two enter the establishment.

He then knocked on Samantha's door as she was still out of focus.

"There's a coffee shop across the street, we could wait there until they finish." He invited her for another coffee date. Hopefully this time, there would be no more emp phone wielding persons to interrupt it.

"About Samantha's question…" She muttered.

"Don't pressure yourself about it. You actually owe me for saving you, by the way." He chuckled, already opening her door.

France slowly stepped down the vehicle and turned to Soap, her head looked up to his face.

"Look John. There's no other reason I can think of that would make you wait anymore. I really enjoy your company, your personality, and I'm curious about everything else about you. So, if you've been waiting all this time ever since that night, my answer is that I'm ready." She smiled, and John's eyes widened at the sight of her. The message made him hug her tight, lift her up and spin her around briefly while she giggled at the feeling.

"Wow. You don't know how much you made my day, France!" he sighed as he slowly set her down and closed the door and made their way to the coffee shop.

"I missed these so much!" France happily chewed on a slice of blueberry cheesecake, with a few crumbs stuck on the edge of her mouth. Soap smiled as she watched her enjoy the simple things in life, a thing he was always looking for in women.

Most of his dating life were his parents setting him up on business dates and most women there were far too serious. They looked like they haven't enjoyed anything in years. Some of them admittedly loved to have fun, but their idea of fun was far too complicated. Like expensive travels and luxurious shopping sprees, none of them piqued Soap's interest.

However, Francine was the first one who begged to differ. It's like every great idea in John's activity book is enjoyable for her. Simple things such as Netflix, Cinemas and even this coffee shop date, made her smile.

"What's funny?" Francine asked as she noticed the odd smile on his face.

"Oh nothing… you just looked cute eating that whole thing. It makes me want to buy a whole cake and watch you smile and eat that all day." he mused, imagining how things would've been if they weren't in public. He could've been tasting that cake from her mouth already.

He quickly grabbed a tissue and wiped off the crumbs as Francine blushed in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I didn't notice it was there." she blushed shyly and looked down.

"Nah… why apologize. I was thinking you were hinting at me to kiss you. Like what most movies and cliché shows would mean." He scoffed and sipped on his coffee.

"Ha ha. Well you could try. As if I'd let you." She smiled bravely, but Soap could see her weakness behind that smile. She's raising her guard up again, and it's always like that when people are around.

"Wow. Umm that went differently." Soap commented, attempting to let France open up. This has been a common trend with her lately, toughening up when people are around but when they're alone, she's still strict but less tense.

"I'm sorry. It's just-" She hesitated and turned to the window.

"Say, how long would it take for them to finish?" She asked. Soap also turned to the building and shrugged.

"I don't know. Honestly, I'm excited for him. They make the best prosthetics around here and it'd make Alex's life easier. It'll look and weigh and bend like an actual leg." he said proudly as he turned to France who was looking at him weirdly.

"What?" he asked as he checked his phone which just beeped.

"Actually, they're almost done. And they're asking for an order. I'll just go get some for them, you stay here." He added, holding the thought, wiping his face and proceeded to the counter.

The reformed Task Force 141 would soon be back in business as papers were already approved by the board. They'll be situating themselves on American soil as their previous base was compromised by the traitorous General.

As for their last day on English soil, the rest of the team stayed in a penthouse condominium unit owned by the MacTavishes.

"Wow. This is top class!" Samantha mused as Alex plopped himself on the couch, his new leg quickly rested on the table. He's been in it for only a few hours but he already got the hang of it.

Samantha shot a glare at Alex's actions to which he shrugged on, prompting Soap to reply.

"Don't worry Samantha, make yourselves at home. We don't use this place anyway so help yourselves out. I promise it'll be fine." he eased as Samantha slowly plopped down beside him as Alex's arm rested on her shoulders. Soap actually wondered if he could do that to her too, get comfortable, open up, just normal stuff.

"I'll go get tea." he quickly said to himself as his imagination got the best of him as he walked to the kitchen. France quickly followed him to help out.

"Fancy place you got here, John. I wonder how many girls you've brought in here." She mused standing in front of him, helping with the teacups. Soap eyed her for a second and replied.

"Honestly, I can't count. I used to stay here when I studied and that was years ago." he replied as seriously as possible, looking at the changes on her face. She's actually jealous.

"Yeah. Figures. I saw your photos from earlier years. It was no doubt you'd have a lot of women over." She chuckled, nervously at it. Soap saw through her as she started to get curious about his life. A sign that she's ready to stop lowering her guard. Soap on the other hand, wanted her to feel special. Asking her out as soon as possible would make him come out as a desperate one, so he planned to do it the long traditional way. Which he actually despised, he would want to hug her so tight right now and it was already killing him.

"What about you? How many different rooms did you wake up to already?" he asked, changing the subject as she was already starting to feel bad about her question.

"Me?! Only a few. And most of them were owned by you. I've been very serious about my life choices that I never let myself loose." she sighed as Soap raised an eyebrow.

"Let loose? Like going out to parties?" He added.

"Yes. But broader. Like letting myself loose. I've always followed the path I wanted to be in, not letting any distractions bother me." she explained, blushing at it like it's a secret she was too shy to tell. Soap on the other hand, didn't quite get it.

"So you mean…" He tilted his head.

"Yes. Since birth, I never had a boyfriend." she looked down in embarrassment for the second time today.

Soap gulped. He didn't actually know how to respond to her statement. Sure he wanted to be the first one, but now wasn't the time. It would feel forced. And he wasn't a fan of forced relationships.

The kettle whistled and the two of them quickly responded to it as they both reached out for it, their hands met just by the handle.

"I'll take care of this one." She said as Soap slowly let go of her soft hands and watched her pour it on, carrying it to Samantha and Alex who were already giggling through a romcom.

"Way to go, John." he muttered to himself with a sigh as he ran his hand on his hair.

The day actually felt worse as France continued to remain quiet towards Soap as she invested herself on the television, third wheeling on Alex and Samantha.

Soap pondered about the words he chose to say to her and those he didn't over a steamy shower.

With the place having only two bedrooms, it was inevitable that France would sleep beside him but he also considered sleeping on the couch to respect her privacy or something like that.

As soon as he exited the bathroom, he saw France already tucked on her side of the bed, scrolling through her phone.

"Hey there." he muttered as she rolled her eyes to him and back to her phone.

"Hey." she said nonchalantly, her eyes dead focused on her screen. Soap quickly grabbed his nighttime clothes and slipped them on.

"Are you in any way excited for tomorrow?" he asked, trying to keep her from interacting with him.

"Yeah. A little." she said as she turned to him and smiled.

"Listen, about earlier today, in the kitchen..." he said.

"I'm not mad, John. I just wanted to say it out there so you could understand me."

"Tell me what you feel."

"Embarrassed."

"Why?"

"Because I looked like a fool earlier. When I told you I was ready and now I feel that you're the one who isn't. You told me you would wait but-" Soap placed his hand on her face, gently touching her cheek.

"France. You don't have to worry. You're still the one I'm thinking about every second. I just… wanted to do this the slow and steady way, where I would show off how worthy I am for you. I want you to enjoy the whole John MacTavish Experience." he smiled and she slowly turned her frown upside down.

Soap wanted to take a picture of that smile and plaster it all around the room as his heart started to pound like crazy, his face unknowingly moving closer to hers. They both started to close their eyes as they let their lips do the talking, but in a quiet and intimate way. Soap felt France's greed for his kiss as she slowly learned how to beg for more of him. It was true that she had no experience on these things but something told him that she's starting to learn some tricks herself.

Soap didn't hesitate to retaliate as she released a soft groan, a sign of her being content as her hands slowly grazed his arms, her thumb softly pressed his biceps, digging deeper as their tongues clashed. After a few more seconds, they both broke their kiss as they gasped for air.

"Yeah. Go sleep on the floor before we do something stupid." She giggled and Soap nodded in agreement as they quickly shuffled about, set their beds and called it a night.

Next Chapter - The SEVEN Inch Wound

Notification Squad my Beloved

@samatedeansbroccoli @smokeywhalee @enderio @bumblingbee1 @ricinbach @whimsywispsblog

#alex echo 3 1 #john soap mactavish #codmw #horrayfic #john price #gary roach sanderson #whateverittakes #simon ghost riley

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lunaleen-writes · 3 years

Text

Drown the future

[Rivetra Story] [Modern AU]

Link AOT3 [Chapter 1]

Summary: ‘’You could move in with me’’ Floch suggested casually like they didn’t start dating just 3 months ago. And that’s how it all started if she could go back in time and say no, she could’ve avoided so much pain and suffering. But at the time, it didn’t seem like a bad idea.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, or so they say.

A few days had passed since their last fight, she felt it was silly how she was unconsciously keeping track of that, but it had become normal for her. It was a vicious cycle, they fought, he treated her like shit for a couple of days or gave her the silent treatment, then he would say sorry and shower her with gifts and love and then it would start all over again.

Their next fight began when she uploaded a picture to her Instagram account, Oluo, which Floch always said had a crush on her, had commented on the picture saying she looked cute, she replied to the comment with a pink heart. Later in the day she saw that Floch had liked that comment, and he liked it, so she knew he had seen it. It wasn’t the first time they had issues over someone liking or commenting on one of her pictures. Later, that day she decided to just simply deactivate all of her social media accounts. It was one less issue to fight over

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Her phone rang, she run to grab it, if she didn’t answer, they were probably going to get worried and come to the apartment, she couldn’t let that happen. She was supposed to be at class already, she had a presentation with Mikasa that day but Floch wouldn’t give her the goddamn phone or let her get out of their apartment because he said she was going to see Oulo. It's been days since the Instagram incident, but he wouldn’t let it go.

‘’What are you doing?’’ He asked aggressively when he realized she was trying to take her phone off his hands. ‘’Give me the fucking phone now!’’

‘’I’m sorry, please.’’ She didn’t even know why she was sorry. – He answered the phone.

‘’Who the fuck is this’’ He asked whoever was on the line.

‘’Please Flock, stop.’’ She begged him, sobbing uncontrollably, still trying to take her phone.

‘’No’’

‘’She’s fine.’’

‘’Well, she’s busy, figured It out… bye.’’

After ending the call, he grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to the bathroom, she felt so exhausted that she didn’t even fight him.

‘Do you think I like hurting you? This is all your fault, stop making me angry! He screamed closing the door, locking her up in the bathroom.

‘’I’m going out’’ She heard him say from the other side of the door. ‘’Fucking stay there until I’m back.’’ And she did. She stayed there for around 3 hours until he returned and let her out.

It was sad, how much control he had over her even when he wasn’t around, she found herself asking if Floch would approve of every small decision she made. Even the clothes that she put on; she would do so only if she thought Floch would approve of them.

He had gotten to control every single decision she made about her own life, and the saddest part was that he didn’t even need to say anything anymore, she had become a different person under his control. Her whole life revolved around him. She had lost herself; she only went out with him, she only watched the shows and movies that he liked, only listened to the music that he liked, only wore the clothes that he liked, she even stopped cutting her hair because he wanted her to have long hair although all of her life, she preferred short hair.

The time she spent locked in the bathroom, she spent thinking about her life and what she was doing with it. She wanted things to change, she wanted things to go back to normal, she knew she had to leave him, but she didn’t know how.

She was afraid of what he would do if they did break things up, she was afraid of people finding out what was going on, that they would judge her for letting him treat her like that, she felt like she didn’t have many options, she couldn’t tell her father, he would be so disappointed, what the people of her town would even think.

One thing she decided that day is that she was going to get a part-time job and save some money, if she was going to leave Floch, she needed to have first a place to live.

When Floch returned, he found her sitting in the bathtub, he didn’t say a thing, neither did she, he just opened the door indicating that it was okay for her to get out of the bathroom, afterward they both went to bed.

It was long after Floch had fallen asleep that she got the courage to take her phone. She had a bunch of missed calls and messages.

Something came up, I’m okay. It's what she replied to them.

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

‘’Just be on time, keep everything clean and I’ll be okay’’ Said Levi showing her around the place. It was her first day, Mikasa and Levi's parents had a tea shop and were looking for someone to help during the nights and weekends, the pay wasn’t much but it was close by, so she didn’t have to spend money on transportation and also got free food so that was a plus.

She was picking up some stuff cups from a high shelf when one of her sleeves rolled over, showing some dark bruises in her forearms.

‘’ Petra, what the fuck?’’ Asked Levi pointing at her arms.

‘’It’s nothing.’’

‘’That sure as hell doesn’t look like nothing to me. Do you think I'm stupid or something? It doesn’t take a genius to know what these are.’’

‘’I said it's nothing’’ She snapped.

‘’He’s a piece of shit, you should leave him.’’ He said, getting out of the room, to attend to some new customers that had just come in.

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

‘’ I don’t mean to pry but, is everything okay between you and Floch?’’ Armin asked ‘’He sounded really pissed the other day when Mikasa called you.’’

‘’We just had a stupid fight; you know how he is.’’

‘’You don’t need to give me any explanations if you don’t feel like it you know. But I want you to know that we care about you and we are your friends and if.. .’’

‘’Jeez, Armin.’’ She interrupted him. ‘’I said nothing is wrong, hurry up, we are late.’’

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

In the beginning, none of them noticed how much she had changed, Petra was usually a cheerful and happy person but lately, she had become an empty shell of herself. She was skipping classes, and the times she did show up, she was falling asleep or not even paying attention. She was always on the edge, on the verge of tears.

They wanted to help her, but whenever someone said anything to her, she got all defensive, they felt like whenever they tried to help, they just ended pushing her away.

How do you help someone that doesn’t know that needs help…? How do you help someone that doesn’t want to be helped?

Notes:

If you made it here, thanks for reading. Sorry if this chapter wasn't that good. I want them to know what's going on but I don't want to make it too dramatic. Although it may seem like Levi and the others don't care too much or are doing too little, remember that all of them are adults here and sometimes people need to allow you to help them before you can actually do something.

They don't want to push her away if they pressure her, but if things get too bad of course they will step in. I promise more interactions between Levi and Petra for the next chapters (They are working together now<3)

Please leave a review,I appreciate it.

#SNK #rivetra #snkfic #rivetrafic #lunaleenwritings

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rune-writes · 3 years

Text

Dear Zack... (I'll be here)

Fandom: Final Fantasy VII

@zerith-week » Day 3: Letters

Word Count: 1916

Rating: G

Summary: What did Aerith write to Zack in the four years he was missing?

Note: this is my first time trying out this format. I hope you enjoy it :)

Chapter 3 of Of Wishes and Promises: Zerith Week 2021

Read on AO3.

Dear Zack,

How are you? It's me, Aerith. Sorry to send you a letter out of the blue. You haven't been answering your PHS lately. Tseng said you're busy, that your last assignment took you to the western continent and it'd be a while before you can return. So I figured I could send you letters instead. Mom said she used to do this with her husband when he went to the war. Isn't it nice? Exchanging letters like the old couples in stories. Tseng also offered to personally send this to you, so I'm sure you'll get this. Besides, I don't have a PHS, and I'm not going to borrow the Turks' all the time. I know they'll want something in return for letting me use their stuff. Anyway, how is work? Knowing you, you’re probably doing a great job at it, right? How is it like there? I heard you went to the mountains? Is the air as nice and fresh as they say? I hope you can take some time off between your work to enjoy the scenery. I'm sure it's beautiful. Maybe take a picture for me? I'd love to see the places you've been to. I’m fine here, by the way. So is Mom. Don’t worry about me okay and just focus on finishing your job. Take care, Zack. And stay safe.

Sincerely, Aerith

***

Dear Zack,

How are you? Are you still on the mountains? I still haven't heard back from you yet. But no pressure! I know how busy you must be! I can wait hehe. In return, I hope you don't mind me sending you all these letters. I hope they give you some sort of respite, no matter how small. The flowers bloomed especially brilliant today. I brought them around to decorate Leaf House and the community center. The elders all loved it. Are there any flowers blooming where you are, Zack? If there are, what kind? Our flower business is also gaining traction recently. More and more people come to visit our flower wagon. I have the kids to thank for that, I guess. They’ve been telling everyone that I’m on a mission to have flowers bloom all around Midgar. I hope everything is alright on your side, Zack. Stay safe.

Sincerely, Aerith

***

Dear Zack,

The Protection Squad is now well under way, and it seems it’s very well-received. Miss Livy from Leaf House (she’s the headteacher, if you don’t remember) said that since the orphanage operates thanks to everyone's donations, it’s only right for them to return the favor. So the kids have been going around patrolling the areas. Yep, that’s what they call it. They run errands and help people. They’re really turning out more and more like you. Which is a nice thing, actually. Some almost went as far as to accompany me to the playground. Because of the monsters, they said. Someone needed to protect me while you’re away. I appreciated it of course, but I couldn’t let them actually meet monsters, could I? The teachers would kill me if the children had all gone so far to a different reactor. Playing with me at the church is one thing, but going to Sector 6? I would say I could protect them—and I could, mind you—and I always take the safest road there too, but when you have six children under your care then three flying beasts come at you… I’d rather not take that chance. Anyway, enough about me. How is it going for you, Zack? It's been months since we last spoke. I hope everything’s alright there? Are you okay? Are you safe? I hope you get a lot of rest between your jobs. And meals. Some good healthy meals once in a while will do wonders. But I wonder if you can get those in the front lines. I would send you something, but… it’d probably go stale once it reaches you, I think. I pray for your safety, Zack.

Love, Aerith

***

Hi Zack,

Are you still busy? Tseng says you are. Sadly I don’t have anyone else to ask, so I guess he’s the only one I can trust. But sometimes, I wonder if he’s keeping things from me. Won’t be the first… won’t be the last either. You know, I had the most surprising guest today. Some girls visited me at the church, and from the accessories they were wearing, I think they’re your fan club. It’s funny to think you have a fan club. I’m not jealous, though! I just never thought SOLDIERs had fan clubs. I wonder if the other members have one too? That reminds me, I never asked how many of you there are, have I? It was nothing important though. They asked me if I knew you, and when I said I did, they asked what I thought of you. And if I had any messages for you. Weird, huh? It's not like I can't tell you that in person. Well, not now, maybe, but later when you come back. What's weirder is that they all looked so somber. I wonder what happened… Hey, Zack. Did something happen? I… overheard something… They were talking and I heard… It's not true, right? Tseng won't tell me anything, let alone the other Turks. They only said that you're fine. Just super busy that you barely have time to reply. And having bad reception. I can trust them, right? Please talk to me, Zack. I'll wait for you, however long it takes.

Yours, Aerith

***

Zack…

I can't stop thinking something might've happened to you. I don't know who to trust. I don't know who I can talk to. Tseng says you're fine. People say you might've gone missing. I don't even know if these letters are reaching you. Maybe Tseng's been lying to me from the start. Maybe something happened to you that day I couldn't reach you. Do you remember? That afternoon you called me all those months ago? You have no idea how happy that had made me feel. I was so afraid I'd been imposing on you when you’d been so busy at work, so when I received your call, my heart had almost burst! You told me that we could talk the next day, that I could call you if I wanted, and I did, but I couldn't reach… Zack, where are you? Tell me you're alright. Please.

***

Dear Zack,

I'm sorry for being so emotional in my last letter. I asked Tseng to give the letter back, but he said he'd already sent it to you. I'm not sure if I believe him now. I had another surprise guest today. A friend of yours. He said his name was Kunsel. Actually, he's been visiting me for a while now. Kind of regularly. Checking up on me, he said. On your behalf. That's sweet. You have such sweet friends. We talked, then took a walk outside. The weather was really nice this morning. I remember you talking about him a few times, but I didn't realize you were so close. Friends since your early SOLDIER days, he said. I'm… I'm holding onto hope, Zack. I know you're out there. Somewhere. I don't believe what they say. I don't believe what Tseng says. I only believe that you're still alive somewhere. So I'll be here. Always.

Forever yours, Aerith

***

Dear Zack,

I spotted wildflowers today. Just outside Sector 5. Funny, I never noticed them before. I never thought flowers grow anywhere outside the church, or my garden. I stared at them for so long, the people who saw me asked if I was alright. I was fine, of course. Mostly. I miss you, Zack. I wonder if this is the Planet’s way of telling me you’re alive somewhere. You know how wildflowers are, right? They’re small, but no matter how much people trample them, no matter how much the weather beats them down, they always persist. They endure, and survive, and I know that you’re going to pull through whatever ordeal you’re going through right now. I believe in you, Zack. I’m sending a pressed flower I did of one of them. They’re not much, but I hope they give you strength. I… don’t know if these are going to reach you, but I hope the Planet hears my pleas and sends my prayers to you.

Sending you all my love, Aerith

***

Dear Zack,

The sky was really bright today. I find myself looking at it more and more now. You're right. It's not as scary as I thought. I told you the reason I'm scared of it, but that's not all there is. I never did tell you about my mom, did I? Not Elmyra. My other mom. My real mom… She died when I was young, before Elmyra took me in. She died, and I saw her rise to the sky. As if it was sucking her in. I… never saw the sky growing up. You'd think that's why I fear it. But on the contrary, listening to Mom's tales about the outside world, seeing the big, open blue depicted in picture books… I couldn't help but be curious. But then Mom died, and the sky sucked her in. But I'm alright now. I think. Mostly. Because… I need to see if it'd sucked you in too. I want to know if you're still here.

Aerith

***

Dear Zack…

Lately, it feels like I’m just talking to myself here, with these letters. I don't know why I'm still writing these. They’re probably not reaching you anyway. I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Maybe it's become a habit by now. Maybe writing to you gives me some sort of solace, some sort of notion that you’re still here. That you’re not gone and I can still see you. I had a dream. You were standing at the edge of a precipice in a landscape of white. It was warm and cold. I tried calling for you, but my voice wouldn’t come out. I chased after you, but the distance between us only grew. Is it my fault, somehow? Were you not supposed to have met me? The Planet is not answering my prayers and even in my dreams, you refused to see me. I hate this. I don’t want this. You’re still out there, I know it, but my heart grows heavy with each passing day. I didn’t realize waiting was so hard. I wonder how Mom endured it, standing on that train platform all day everyday, hoping against hope that her husband would return. Give me strength, Zack. I want to see you. I want to wait for you. I want to believe you'll come back. I don’t want to lose you.

***

Zack…

Where are you?

Come home

***

Dear Zack…

I feel like I should apologize. We promised to sell the flowers under the sky together, but this morning, I braved myself to take the train to the upper plate. It was daunting, to say the least. But I know what you mean now. The sky really opens up when you don't have steel plates covering it. It's… really not scary at all. Though I'd be lying if I didn't keep my head down half of the time. But it's a step forward, right? Now I can look up at the sky even if I don't have you with me... It's really beautiful, Zack. I wish you could see it with me.

Aerith

~ END ~

#zerithweek #zerithweek2021 #aerith gainsborough #zack fair #zerith #final fantasy #final fantasy vii #ff7 #ffvii #ff7r #ff7 crisis core #fanfiction #ff fanfic #ff7 fanfic

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artificialqueens · 3 years

Text

Gimme Love, 9/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Sorry for taking so long to upload! I've had a hard week but everything is fine. Here we are - the end! Wanna know something interesting? There was actually going to be more to this story. Like, we were gonna get more flashbacks from when Brie and Juju went to college. There they would meet Tatianna, who was a badass feminist. And she'd be the one to help Brianna with her glow up. But the story was already going on too long and I couldn't fit any of it in.

Also I was going to go down a completely different route for the story. If any of you have actually seen the music video for Gimme Love by Joji, it ends on a more darker tone. And that's how I was gonna do it with this fic as it was based on it. But I just couldn't do it.

So I hoped you guys enjoyed it. I know I didn't get a lot of reads on it, but I'm glad knowing it was recieved by some. Anyway, on with chapter 9!

Major TW's for this chapter: Alcohol, mental health discussion.

2020

It was the day of the pre-party. It was going to be held at my place. I was prepared for possible drunkenness, embarrassing moments, but celebrations of everything we had accomplished. This was something I had worked my ass towards for so long, and it was finally happening.

I smiled, proud that I had finally punched myself in the face (figuratively, of course). I opened my eyes and saw how easy it was to rekindle with Mom. I was scared about seeing her in a few weeks, knowing we'd have to talk about my issues. But I knew now. If I didn't, I would just continue to get worse and worse.

On top of that, the Ed Sheeran problem was over and done with. His team understood fully, and he was set to perform at the launch.

And finally, I would meet Blair again. And it would be different this time. I wouldn't be the shy, insecure teenager she had always seen me as.

However, despite all these promising signs, my smile dropped. I imagined this morning playing out entirely differently.

Jujubee would be the first person to message me. Fuck, she'd probably even break in just to make sure I was up.

None of that happened. I know one should manage their expectations better. But it still hurt.

After two cups of coffee, some soggy cereal and a shower, I tried calling her. It rang a few times but went straight to voicemail mail.

I didn't bother leaving another message. I didn't wanna freak her out.

I probably wasn't helping my case. She probably thought I was relying on her, that she was life support for me.

But that wasn't the case. I mean, I couldn't just stand up and be like, "OK later, bitch," after practically growing up together. How could I just let go of someone I held so dear to my heart?

My eyes travelled across the kitchen, at first only her disappointment during our argument, how I had never seen her so angry.

On the counter, beside the fridge, there was my memory box.

What would Grandpa say in this situation?

Remember how I would write things he'd say to me? Just little bits and pieces of advice as something I could hold on to? I gave it to Mom to put it away for me. It had to be in the box.

I stood up, the stool making a scraping sound along the ground.

But a knock at the door tore my attention away.

Why did I hope it would be her?

Well, because it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to come and visit in the morning. Maybe this was it. I was forgiven.

I rushed to the door with the slight fear that if I wasn't fast enough, I'd miss her.

I unlocked the door and flung it open, a smile on my face, ready to greet her.

5 people were standing there; the decorators. I tried not to let my smile falter as I let them in.

-_-_-_-

8PM and my place had never looked livelier. For my first time hosting a party, it didn't feel like there was much hosting to do.

It felt like any other party I had been to, a room crowded with people dancing or talking to each other.

The music wasn't too loud, so the disorientation wasn't there.

I held back from drinking with the fear of doing something embarrassing, especially around Blair.

My bathroom was still clean when I went to apply a fresh coat of gloss. Good. Nothing to worry about.

I made my way back downstairs to the party, crossing the barrier at the bottom. The only place off-limits to the guests was upstairs. I'd hate to think there would be some people who'd want private time, especially in my bed. It happened at college once.

After a small party in our dorm, I found a couple midst coitus in my bed. Never again, I had said.

"Brianna!"

My head whipped in the direction of the voice, every bit of hope I had inside building up.

"You look stunning." A raven-haired woman approached.

"Thank you," I said in more of a questionable form. My brain couldn't figure out who this was.

"My name is Raja. I'm a writer for Cosmo," that explained it, "I was wondering if I could ask a few questions for a piece I'm doing. It's on the most influential women of the year."

I wanted to say no in the case I missed the arrival of Blair.

As if she read my thoughts, she spoke again. "It won't even be five minutes."

She was right about that. 15 minutes it lasted. We were locked in my bathroom, the four walls making the place feel cramped.

She asked me questions about how I reached this level, my morning routine, and what I put in my hair to make it so voluptuous. And all the while, I just kept fearing that Blair had arrived. That she had searched around for me and left when she couldn't find me anywhere. I would discreetly glance at my watch, hoping too much time didn't pass. But around 5 minutes in, I didn't care for subtlety. Not that Raja noticed. The questions seemed endless.

When she turned her recorder off, she further complimented my outfit. I thanked her, inching my way to the door. This lasted another 3 minutes.

She said I was a tiny woman with a lot of heart. I held back from saying I was a tiny woman with a lot of baggage.

When I finally escaped, I searched the place for Blair, and when I didn't find her, the panic started.

"Did anyone come in in the last 15 minutes??" I asked the workers hanging by the door.

"Yeah, there were 2 people. And I've never seen them around work. Could be anyone, Brie." They said with worry in their tone.

"OK, was one of them a girl? Blonde hair. Around my age?" I questioned further.

They glanced at each other for clarification, then looked back at me and shook their heads.

"Nope. Just two guys." One said.

"Probably on a pussy hunt at their local party." The other said.

"Or dick hunt."

"Or both."

"Nah, how would they even get in?"

Realising this was not Blair they were talking about, I thanked them and excused myself.

So she wasn't here yet. That's fine. Probably just running late.

I gave in and had one glass of champagne. Just to calm my nerves.

And the last person I wanted to see started to approach.

Ed fucking Sheeran. He raised a glass to celebrate and thanked me for the hotel room we paid for. I said it was no problem. And just as he was about to suggest some pictures for his Instagram, I quickly navigated away.

But I was caught by another person who just so happened to be Joey.

"I am so glad you changed your mind about the whole Ed thing. Like...girl…" he sipped his own drink.

"Yeah, it was easier than I thought." I shrugged. "Kinda feel awkward being in his presence now, though."

"I'll distract him if you want. British guys are kinda cute." Joey smirked.

I tsked, cocking my head at him. "Joey, you didn't like the guy a few weeks ago."

"I never said I didn't like him." He smirked.

"I mean, you can try." I rolled my eyes, a small smile appearing on my own face, "don't expect it to go anywhere."

Joey winked and brushed past me, making his way in Ed's direction.

Setting my glass down in my sink, I made my way to the bathroom just to check my lip gloss. A woman couldn't be too careful.

Once inside, I felt cramped again despite being alone. Maybe it was the underlying feeling of worry from being trapped in the room with Raja.

I told myself to breathe but then questioned why I was even doing such an exercise. Everything was fine. Life was good.

Looking in the mirror, my gloss was fine. But I applied a new coat anyway, just a reassurance.

And upon leaving, I set out in search of Blair again. She had to be here, just somewhere lost amongst this large amount of people.

Maybe she found someone else to talk to. Maybe not.

I moved to the balcony, the cool night air a relief.

But she wasn't there either.

I sighed, wanting a cigarette or something. Anything to calm the rising panic I was feeling inside.

I closed the door and moved further into the night, peering over the balcony and out into New York. The twinkling lights were pretty. I took a picture and sent it to my Mom. And in a few seconds, she started calling me.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hi, baby. I just thought I'd see how things are going." She asks, sounding pretty optimistic.

"I mean... it's OK, I guess. A bit crowded at my place right now." I replied.

"You nervous for tomorrow?" I hear the mischief in her voice.

She believed I'm not nervous, that I was a confident, strong woman. But she was wrong. "Of course I am. I mean, we've gone through all the precautions, so it should be fine. But still…"

"Well, baby, I promise you, everything will work out fine. It's you we're talking about."

I smiled, trying to teach my brain to agree with her.

"I would say I'd have a drink for you, but I'm trying to keep away from it tonight." Even though that was a lie.

"Yeah, you don't wanna go do something embarrassing like flashing anyone or whatever." She laughs.

"Wow. I didn't realise that was something I did." I quipped sarcastically.

"How about Jujubee?" I could still hear her smile.

But mine slowly dropped. Fuck, I had no idea. Immediately I stood back from the balcony. "Ugh...yeah, she's fine. She's good."

I moved to the door and looked past the glass at the large number of people. Fuck, I didn't even know if she was inside.

"Am I gonna get to see a picture of your outfits? You two always look like the stars of a party."

"Yeah," I faked a small laugh. "I'll go find her and get a picture. I'm gonna get back inside, OK?"

"No problem, baby. Love you."

"I love you too." I clicked end call and quickly made my way back inside.

How the fuck had I forgotten about her so quickly? Not like she was in my mind that morning or anything.

Now I had to find 2 people. I rushed inside, looking out for both of them. I checked the kitchen, dining area, lounge, the bathroom. Fuck, I even checked upstairs in the case Jujubee was there.

But there was no sign.

Where the fuck was she? Where was Blair?

It was getting harder to hold down the anxiety. Was Jujubee right about Blair? Was this another instance of my childhood crush getting my hopes up and flaking out?

The next drink tray I saw, my hand went straight for another glass. Two wouldn't hurt.

"Hey, you made it!" I heard from the front of the room, by the door.

I quickly downed the champagne and practically ran for it, too afraid to miss who had arrived.

Just as my hopes were quickly up, they fell just as fast. It was just Alex, Joey hugging him at the door.

"Fuck...Fuck...Fuck…" I whispered to myself.

A third glass of champagne found its way into my hand, and in a matter of seconds, it was down the hatch. I grimaced at the taste now, feeling like I could throw up at any second. Was that all just the anxiety, though?

Another bathroom break, I was fixing my gloss once again, scared to ruin my makeup. My hands were trembling. Fuck.

It wasn't stopping.

Back out in the main room, I tried to scan the crowd, standing on my tiptoes to try and see past everyone. It didn't help much.

Despite the music and rambling chatter happening around me, I heard the front door open, my eyes shot in its direction.

I struggled to move past a small group of coworkers, trying to get a good view of the door.

I didn't even get my hopes up this time. And, of course, it wasn't Blair.

Jujubee was right. Blair wasn't coming. Once again, she had led me on to believe I did mean something to her and that she'd give us a chance.

My hand gripped my scalp, turning away from the door. I growled, "Fuck," which didn't go unnoticed.

There was Nina with a hand on my arm. "Are you OK?"

"Yes." I lied so quickly. "I'm fine. Just... it's a little crowded in here," I fidgeted with my hands, "Is Jujubee here?"

"Yeah, you haven't seen her?" Nina raised a brow, rubbing her hand up and down my bicep.

"No." My eyes looked around briefly. "Where is she??"

"I dunno. She's you're best friend." Nina squinted her eyes. She didn't mean to sound accusatory. I guessed she was more concerned.

"She is." I reaffirmed, even though now I wasn't so sure.

"If it helps, the last place I saw her was the kitchen."

"When?"

"Half an hour ago."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "She could be anywhere."

"Girl, it's fine. Not like we're in a labyrinth. You'll find her eventually." Nina smiled, rubbing my arm again.

I paid her no more heed and hurried towards the kitchen in the hope I'd find her there. But like the rest of my apartment, it was crowded. I stood on my toes again to try and catch a glimpse of black hair.

But there was no sign. Stressed, a shaking hand reached for another champagne. Usually, my tolerance for alcohol was high, but right now, I was feeling it. I was wavy.

In my now weary state of mind, I decided what was the fucking point? Blair had 100% flaked, as per usual, and Jujubee was obviously avoiding me at all costs.

Nina had followed me, taking my hand. "Follow me."

I didn't fight it. She moved to the staircase, pulled back the barrier and let me pass through.

She ushered me to walk up to the top before moving no further.

Turning towards the crowd beneath us, Nina addressed the people with a raised tone. "Can we have your attention, please?"

The people went quiet, beaming up at us.

Nina talked about how much of a good night it was, all while the alcohol was taking me over.

My eyes scanned the crowd, in the final chance of hope, wanting nothing more than to see Jujubee's glowing smile shining up at me.

But I couldn't. Not because I had double vision. But because she was nowhere.

I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing hard out through my nose.

Nina put her hand on my shoulder. And only then did I realise that I had blacked out, missing everything she said. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the film that had glazed my brown eyes.

"But we all wouldn't be here without our leading lady." She smiled warmly. "Everything she's achieved, it's all brought us to this moment. Let's raise a glass to Miss Brianna Caldwell."

Everyone started cheering, only a few raising a toast, the others clapping. My eyes widened, feeling all those eyes on me.

"Hope you have a speech prepared," Nina whispered in my ear.

And me, being the queen of saying just 3 lines and quickly evacuating the scene, decided no. Fuck it. I had something to say.

When the crowd began to settle down, I began to deliver the messiest speech ever.

"Well, funny you should mention achievements, Nina, because, yeah, I'm standing here before you all, having done the impossible. But what does that matter?" I laughed, shrugging. "Yeah, it does matter a whole fucking deal. I mean, look at you all. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't?" I laughed awkwardly again, but as I continued, my smile began to disappear. "Well, sometimes you just want a certain someone to give a shit. And they make you believe that they do. Just for like 5 minutes. And it feels so so fucking incredible. It feels like...like you matter. You're not just plain old Brianna Caldwell. You mean the world to them…" My tone dropped, "And then...you realise you're the most gullible, unaware, stupid fucking idiot in the world. They don't really give a fuck about you. They don't see all the things that you've achieved in life and think…' Wow...What an incredible person.' They just... don't give a fuck about you."

Everybody looked confused, uneasy even, while others giggled. Glad to know I was serving as the entertainment for the night, and I was in the same room as Ed fucking Sheeran.

Then, as if some higher power looked at me with a shaking head, maybe my grandpa, there was a glimmer of light at the back of the room, a flash of movement. And my eyes were drawn to the source.

My heart stopped

There she was. Finally. Blair St. Clair smiling apologetically at the few people who were looking at her. They smiled back as they should. She was breathtaking.

And her eyes moved to where everyone else was looking.

Right at me.

Such a familiar feeling was falling over me.

Everyone else in the room. Gone. Like they just stepped into another world, leaving the two of us in this reality.

She panted, out a breath, like she had run to my place. Impossible, she looked like an absolute angel in her gold wrap dress.

Nina nudged me. I snapped out of my daze, reminded of the whole crowd of people looking up at me with confused stares.

Fuck...what do I say now? How do I backtrack?

"But...you know what?" I started to speak again. "You realise, you're just overthinking again. 'Cause, that's a very on-brand thing for you. Every little incident of the past has taught you to doubt that good things actually can happen to you." My smile was returning. "Because the people who give a shit are there. Because you've done the impossible. And they couldn't be happier to be part of your story." My eyes were moving through the crowd, "Do what makes the ones around you proud, and what makes you fucking proud. And don't let anyone or anything hold you the fuck back. Because you have a purpose."

Thank fuck for the fact everyone started cheering again. I thought I had fucking bombed that I would see a recording of the same speech the following day all over Twitter, along with comments about how dramatic it was.

But it was fine. I saved it. I smiled at everyone and hugged Nina, suddenly overcome with happiness.

"Fuck you for not telling me you were gonna drag me up here," I whispered in her ear.

"Well, if I had asked you in the first place, you would have said no, honey." Nina grinned.

We pulled apart, and my eyes went back to the front door. I smiled, expecting to see Blair. But she had vanished. Fuck, I hadn't imagined her, right?

I tried to carefully make my way down the stairs without tripping, ready to look for her once again.

And upon reaching the bottom, Joey grabbed my hand and pulled me close, "someone on the balcony requires your attention."

He winked, and the butterflies in my belly went mad.

She was playing games with me. Not a very Blair St Clair thing to do, but the thought excited me.

I hurried to the balcony, ready to feel that cool air on my skin, her warm body pressed against mine.

And just as I was passing through the doors, feeling the cooling breeze, I stopped dead in my tracks.

I froze.

This wasn't what I expected; seeing her standing there, only noticing how radiant she looked in her orange suit dress.

Fuck. It felt so long since I had last seen her.

But it had been only a few days.

"Hi, Juju," I spoke quietly.

"Hey," she inhaled her cigarette, looking out to the city. If she hadn't replied to me, I would have guessed she failed to realise I was even there.

I swallowed, my eyes glancing down to the ground for a moment. The alcohol in my system was telling me to just turn and leave her alone. She didn't wanna see me.

But my brain said, "you idiot, she obviously invited you out here."

So I moved forward, rubbing the backs of my arms nervously.

I stood beside her, not even daring to look her in the eye. I looked at her orange suit, how Mom would have adored it.

"You invited me out here." I leaned my elbows on the ledge, my gaze following hers over the twinkling lights of New York.

"Yeah, I did." She did offer me a cigarette, but still, she never looked at me.

I shook my head, declining her offer, "Why didn't you just come and ask me yourself?"

"I was dying for a cigarette." She breathed out a stream of smoke. "Also, I've already spent most of the night trying to find you."

I couldn't help but breathe out a laugh through my nose. I glanced at her and was glad to see the smirk appear on those lips.

"I've been trying to fucking find you." I continued to laugh, a crack to my tone, however.

She finally looked at me, turning her body to face me. Her brows were knit together, yet the smirk remained. "No. I," she stressed, "have been trying to find you."

"So...what have I been doing for the past...I dunno, few hours?" I raised a brow. "Did I take 10 hits of acid earlier, or did I not search this place from top to bottom?"

She gave me a hopeless smile like she knew there was no point in arguing. She sucked on the cigarette, offering it to me.

I gave in, taking it from her hand, my fingers touching hers with a light touch. Her eyes moved to our hands as if she was thinking about it too. The feeling like this was a moment we needed to remember.

I took a drag on the cigarette, passing it back. She looked away, briefly turning her gaze to the ground.

But I kept my eyes on her like I'd never get another chance. "I really miss you, Juju," I spoke quietly, almost through a whisper.

She looked at me again. Her mouth moved around slightly yet remained closed like she wanted to say something. But she couldn't figure out what it was she was going to say.

I reached out, took her hand in mine. She seemed taken aback at first. But as my thumb stroked against the soft skin of her hand, a small smile began to resurface.

"There are…" she paused, "things that I would love to say to you. But I just... I'm afraid."

"Is it bad? Come on, Juju. You can tell me. You can tell me anything. I mean, we've grown up together. We've always told each other everything."

She looked apprehensive before taking another drag from her cigarette. And stubbing it out in the ashtray, she turned towards me once again.

She looked ready to say it. Whatever it was. I didn't even know the words yet. But I could tell this would mean a lot to her.

The muffled sound of the many people behind the closed glass doors became clearer, amplified even. Jujubee looked in its direction. My eyes followed.

"Blair," I uttered.

She looked slightly taken aback like she didn't know how to react to seeing us.

Jujubee dropped her hand to her side, a small puff of air leaving her nostrils.

"Jujubee." A smile appeared on Blair's face as she finally approached us both. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Likewise." Jujubee nodded slowly. She glanced at me, and I reciprocated.

Before I could figure out her exact emotion. But now, she was hard to read once again. My brows knit together, telepathically questioning what she was feeling.

Jujubee looked back at Blair. "Talk about awful timing though, I was just leaving." Jujubee smiled back at her.

Blair's smile was disappearing. "Oh." She paused, unable to say anything else.

"You don't have to go, Jujubee." I took her hand once again, stroking my thumb over her skin another time, just to remind her of the tender moment we were just having.

She smiled again, but only now, I knew the true words behind it. She pulled her hand away. "Early rise, actually. Gotta get up and ready for the big day tomorrow, right?" She raised her brows at me. Then she looked at Blair, "It was nice seeing you," and then back to me once more, "I hope you have a good night, Brie."

She averted her eyes, not even sparing me another glance. The clacking of her heels was deafening, each step away causing something inside to sting.

"It was nice seeing you again," Blair said before Jujubee could make it through the doors.

I heard a mumbled "yeah, yeah," before Jujubee went back inside.

My gaze still followed her, watching as she navigated the crowd.

"Did she...seem off to you?" Blair asked quietly.

"Yeah," I said without thinking. "I just...I don't know what's wrong with her...I can't...work it out…" my eyes never left the door, hoping Jujubee would reappear.

And feeling Blair's soft hand in mine, I was brought back to reality. I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes. Fuck, what a great way to reunite.

"Is something going on?" She asked softly.

I shook my head frantically, "N-No. We're fine...I guess I'm just overreacting. Yeah, she's just been...really busy with everything."

"That's probably true." She shrugged, glancing at the door, "Well, actually, I haven't seen what goes behind the public eye, but I bet it's taxing." Blair was facing me again, her eyes widening briefly.

I let out a small laugh, "Oh, you have no idea." And only then did I get a real chance to take her in. The girl had not changed. Well, call me corny, but she only got more radiant looking.

"I didn't think you'd come," I spoke with a hushed tone.

"Sorry, I was late. I couldn't get a cab for ages." She gave a half-smile. "I guess New York really is that kind of place."

"Fuck, I didn't think about traffic. I could have got you a driver or something. "I started rambling.

"No, it's OK. I'm here now anyway." Her eyes looked me up and down, "you look great, by the way. Pink always was your colour."

Funny how the last time she gave me a compliment, I shut her down. But now, I couldn't bring myself to do so. "Thank you."

I wasn't expecting her to hug me, but she did. It was very welcoming. If I could rate it out of 10, I'd give it a 9. Why the missing point? Cause she pulled away too soon. I needed that time, just to soak up the moment.

My arm was still around her waist when she put a hand to my face.

"It's so good to see you." She beamed, the city lights reflected in her eyes.

"You wanna go upstairs? We'll hear better up there. And it's kinda chilly out here." I hoped she didn't find that creepy or like I was suggesting something because that was not my intention, believe it or not.

I almost jumped, the sound of her sweet voice dragging me out of the storm that was my inner ramblings. "What about your party?" She looked over her shoulder at all the guests behind the closed doors."

"They'll be fine," I said too quickly.

"Oh. Well, if you say so."

She didn't find that weird. Good. I finally pulled my arm from her body but took her hand instead, leading her into the apartment.

I ignored the side glances we received, too focused on her presence behind me. Still so in disbelief that for once, she hadn't flaked out. She really did give a fuck. Walking up the stairs, I only noticed how my vision had cleared. I no longer felt drunk. Had it just been a quick rush of nausea that left me feeling so weary before? Or had the shock of seeing Blair literally walk into my life again shocked me so much to the point it sobered me up?

"Here we go," I said quietly, welcoming her into the upper level.

"Wow, you got another living room up here." Blair's wandering eyes landed on the couch.

"Yeah. The one downstairs is for fucking business and parties. And this one," I gestured to where she was looking, "is for hanging out mostly, and…" Why did I have to be so nervous?

"Hookups?" She looked at me with raised brows and a smirk.

I laughed nervously, moving to the fake fireplace and turning it on. Why didn't I just say no? She probably thought I was a slut or something. "Sit down if you want. Do you want a drink? I'd love a fucking drink right now."

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though." She replied, sitting down on the sofa and relishing the feeling of it.

"I need some fucking water." I rushed to the mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle.

Turning back to face Blair, she was looking at me in confusion. "You OK?"

"What?" That was all I thought to reply with.

"You seem kind of…" she paused, trying to figure out her words, "on edge."

"I do?" My hands played with the water bottle.

"Yeah, you've included the word 'fucking' in every sentence since we got up here." She allowed herself to smirk.

Subliminal, Blair. I like it.

Fuck, I dragged my mind out of the gutter and practically rushed to the couch. "Oh, it's just...tomorrow. The nerves, you know." I sat on the other end of the sofa, took a gulp of water and made myself comfortable.

Blair turned to face her body towards me. "Am I wrong, or was Ed Sheeran downstairs??"

"Yeah, he was. It's kind of a long story, actually." I laughed. "You a fan?"

"No, not really," Blair replied.

"Good, me neither. Not really into the whole wedding dance song vibe."

"Me too." She groaned, "If I hear Thinking out loud at another wedding, girl, I'm just...I dunno."

"I get it. 100%"

"Well, enough about him," Blair sat up straight, a bright smile on her face. She laughed for a moment before even speaking, "Fuck, I was just about to ask what you've been up to." She gestured a hand around the room, "I mean, duh."

"Yeah," I returned the laugh, "It's pretty much just that. This project has taken up most of my life over the years."

"God, I remember reading in the paper...fuck, I can't remember the exact title. It was this tiny article just squashed into a corner. 'Scientist seeks to prove the existence of other realities.' Yeah, it was something like that. And…" She shrugged, "I just knew it was you. And, I knew you'd go far."

I felt the blush creep onto my skin. Hearing this from Blair felt otherworldly.

"I mean, I knew before. When you told me at Prom, I knew you'd be able to do it." She added.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Just hearing how you talked about it. Like, you really believed in yourself. It made me believe too." She swapped around the legs she crossed.

"It was hard. Trying to get people on board with everything. Not a lot of people believed it was even possible in the beginning." I unscrewed the cap from the bottle of water. "And now look at me; I got the government behind this whole thing." I shrugged and took a sip of the water. Before she could go on, I took the conversation on another route. "But what about you? Where are you in life?"

I knew where she was in life. Hadn't I Facebook stalked her not too long before?

"Well, it sounds far fetched, but I'm trying to get into the music scene." Blair sat back in her seat, eyes wandering off, looking at nothing in particular.

"You always did like performing," I noted. "Starting out in the school playgrounds. Soon you'll be playing an Arena with a sold-out show."

Did I sound cheesy? Was I too much of a kiss ass? Because to me, this was honesty. I always thought Blair had the potential to be a famous singer. She had the voice, the looks, style and personality. Who wouldn't want her as part of their label?

Fuck, it only hit me that I could have gotten her a spot to perform at the event.

Blair had stood, a small sigh emitting her lips. "An Arena? Imagine that." She smirked for a moment, stepping away from the couch. For a hot second, I thought I had stepped on territory I shouldn't have, and she was leaving. But she made her way to the window, staring out over New York. So I naturally went too. "Well, I've just been singing around bars for a while now, even had 2 gigs. Nothing too amazing." She explained. "I mean, I know you say Arena and all, but, actually, I wouldn't wanna be that big. I just...want people to hear my music."

Her smile faltered somewhat, and it spoke volumes. It wasn't happening fast enough for her, the growing number of ears that would someday listen to her words. She wanted it all now.

I sidestepped a bit closer. My fingers were so close to brushing against hers, then stopping myself in realising that was too much. "It does take time, these things. I mean, I didn't get here overnight. It will happen, Blair." She flashed me a gracious smile, and I was glad she didn't find any of that condescending. That was not my aim. "Anyway, I'd love to hear your music."

"You would?" Blair cocked her head to the side, turning more to face me, her hand on the window cill closer to mine.

"Of course," I reply. She should've known that anyway.

"Well, I'm not gonna break out into song for you right now. But I have a few videos on my Facebook. You should add me." She suggested.

I had never opened Facebook so fast. "There. I sent you a request." I scrolled through her timeline, my back now to the window, "Lemme see."

"Oh, God. Please don't. Not right now." Blair panicked.

I lifted my gaze, my eyes almost wide. Blair St Clair, the girl who wasn't hesitant to approach a mic, was embarrassed. I found this to be adorable and oddly made me feel more relaxed. "Don't be shy, Blair. I'm sure they're great."

"Brianna, don't." No joke, Blair attempted to snatch my phone away like a child.

I found it highly amusing. "Why not?" I smiled mischievously.

Blair continued her protests, trying to swipe at the phone more and more, all while laughing nervously.

Eventually, my teasing led to a chase. I still scrolled her Facebook as I ran around the room, Blair behind me.

"Which one should I look out for?" I stood at one end of the couch.

Blair stood at the other end, letting out a pant. "Brianna, you better not."

I stepped to the right, throwing her off, and she ran to her left, ready to run straight at me and take the phone out of my hand.

But I tricked her. When I took that step to the right, I pulled back and moved to the left instead. And without thinking, I threw myself down on my bed.

Before I could even get up, Blair was already there, too, crawling towards me. She reached for my phone, still pleading with me to stop.

And finally, giving the current circumstances, I gave in. "OK, OK. You win. I won't play your music in front of you." I giggled mischievously, shuffling so my back was against my headboard. "You're gonna have to remind me to check it out, though."

Blair remained at the bottom of my bed, kicking her heels off and folding them like a pretzel. It was as if we were teenagers again, catching up on all the hanging out we never got to do. She fluffed out her hair, "God, Brie, I came here to have a good time. Not to work out. Why are you still looking at your phone?"

Now that I was on her profile, scrolling back to the top, I saw a familiar picture. "Wow, this George guy's kind of cute."

Blair smiled warmly, her eyes looking upwards. And I had the slightest sinking feeling she was about to tell me this was her fucking lover or husband.

"Ah...George. What a guy." Blair blinked. "He does music too. If you like my stuff, then you'll like his too. He's got this song Gimme Love. It's my favourite."

"Is he your boyfriend?" There was no hesitation in asking.

Her brows briefly crossed. "What? No. He's one of my closest friends. Really helping me find places to perform. He's just...really cool."

I mouthed a silent 'Oh' before going on and cocking my head to the side, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Was it normal to ask shit like this? Maybe it was. But considering I had confessed to her I liked her very much in that accidental message, perhaps I shouldn't have said it at all. Didn't want her getting sus.

I got the feeling she knew I was trying to find a way in as she raised a brow at me, the corners of her mouth turning upwards. "Nah, Brie. I'm done with boys."

I lowered my phone. That could have meant anything;

She was strictly into girls;

She had just gotten out of a bad relationship with someone, and she was going through that typical 'men are trash' phase;

She used the term 'boys' when referring to immature fuck boys who still thrived in toilet paper bombing people's houses and still fought with feminists online. She was now looking for 'a real man' who would love and respect her.

She wasn't speaking, just lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Before the silence could go on and get awkward, I shifted in my own spot. "Do you wanna elaborate on that?"

"Oh. Yeah, if you want to hear it." She said like she didn't want to, and before I could stop her, she went on, "Well, the last was Conrad. He cheated on me. Before him, there was Ethan. I found out he'd talk shit about me to all his meathead buddies, said that my ass wasn't big enough. Then Bryce with his superior attitude. And…" she sighed, "Fucking Trevor."

Just hearing his name did something to me. I could feel how my shoulders had tensed, how the breath got stuck in my throat for a moment. But my ability to talk was unaffected because I spoke up, "I remember you saying he was controlling." I moved away from my headboard, shuffling closer to her, so close she could have put her head in my lap if she wanted.

Blair nodded, "he was," she breathed out a sigh, "I can't believe I'm even admitting this, but after high school, I started seeing him again. He promised me he would change, that things would be different. And I always feel like such an idiot for believing him."

That was upsetting. My hand squeezed in a fist. "So, what was the final straw? The thing that made you end things for the last time?"

Blair took in a deep breath, rolling over onto her front and propping her head upon her hands. She looked up at me with sad eyes. "He was just the same, Brie. Always controlling me, telling me how to act, who I could and couldn't hang out with. He was like that from the beginning to the end. I mean, you remember how he reacted about that one sex-ed class? And that time, he yelled at me in front of everyone for not sitting with him at lunch one day?"

I had no idea about the last thing. And I wasn't even surprised. Trevor was that type of guy, and you just knew it within the first few minutes of meeting him.

I was curious to know, but I kind of already had a feeling. Yet, I needed clarification. "Is that why you never came back to the library? Because he knew people would talk if you were seen with the school loser?" She leaned up now, but I continued. "Is it why you never came to speak to me about the prom?"

Blair was just watching me in silence. But I could see it, the realisation in her face.

"Fuck." She sat up and moved closer to me. "Oh my gosh, Brianna. I am so sorry. I had...no idea it would hurt you." We were both face to face, and she put her hands on mine, her eyes apologetic. She cussed, briefly looking away. "Fuck, I knew you hated me. The years of silence, of course, you did."

"Wait, no. Stop. I'm sorry. I don't wanna make you feel like a bad person. That's not what I wanted to do." I said profusely, my hands tightening just slightly.

"No, no. I'm sorry. You have every right to be upset." She spoke quietly, her blue eyes pleading with me. "Just be honest with me. I owe you that. You deserve to be heard."

"Really, Blair, it's fine. It's - -"

"Brianna. You're upset. You're not really good at hiding it, no offence." She smirked at the last comment. But the smile disappeared, and she waited for my response.

I stared back at her, my gaze shifting between both those eyes. My mind debated what to do, refuse to say a thing and let it all continue to build up. Or vent years of pent up emotions that needed to be said.

I looked away, deciding the latter decision was probably the best. I really didn't want to, what with the risk of upsetting her.

But maybe she wouldn't.

But maybe she would.

But maybe…

Her hand left mine and swept a strand of hair away from my face. I didn't even know it was there. "You're really hurt, Brie," she spoke softly.

I looked back to her finally, her hand lowering back down. And I finally found my voice. "OK." I shifted in my spot, highly uncomfortable. Come on, Brie. Just tell her.

"Do you remember the prom? When you asked me how we never talked more?" Just say it. "Because I always felt inadequate. Like I wasn't enough for you. And, not just you, even my…" I paused, feeling the lump form in my throat, "...my parents. Ummm…" saying that out loud to her, it hit differently. My voice was cracking. "I always associated you with my parents. I don't know where the connection came from, and I know now that that's fucked up, and I know I probably should go to a therapist about that, but..." I quickly explained. "But yeah, I just...never felt enough. Like 'why would Blair the cheerleader want to associate with someone like me? How could Blair ever love someone like me??'"

Fuck, it just slipped out. I studied her face for a reaction, expecting her to back away.

But she didn't. She just nodded in understanding, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

"But, um...I know now. It wasn't that you didn't care. It was just...fucking Trevor." I practically growled that name.

Blair breathed out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "Fucking Trevor."

"Yeah, fuck that asshole," I allowed myself to smile before continuing on. "I just... didn't understand how hard that actually was for you."

"It was very hard. God, it bothered me so much because I really did have a soft spot for you, Brianna. I really did, ever since we were kids." Blair smiled warmly. "And that's why I'm so glad you replied to my message. After all these years."

I gulped, thinking about that damn message, and now seeing her loving smile. "Y-You didn't think it was weird?"

Blair sighed, yet her smile remained. "Brianna. Do you think I'd be sitting here if it was?" She moved her hand to my elbow, up my shoulder, caressing my cheek gently.

I almost said something. I couldn't even remember what it was. Not that it mattered because I didn't get the chance. The moment I had been waiting for, it was happening. Her face was moving closer to mine, eyes slowly closing. And as soon as I felt her lips brush against mine, the feeling of her touch caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter. I closed my own eyes and accepted what was happening.

The kiss my teenage self craved, dreamed about even.

It was reality.

We hadn't just slipped into some other world.

This was real life. The feeling of her hand on my cheek, that was real. The butterflies in my stomach fighting against the walls, also real.

And how I lifted my hand and held her face, also real.

She pulled away first, but her lips were still close, "was that OK?"

"Yeah," I moved my face back towards hers, initiating another kiss. I was savouring every bit of this moment. The sweet taste of her was too much to not let go of.

But she pulled back again, letting herself fall back against the mattress. I stared at her for a few seconds. Fuck, this was happening. Something inside me was hesitant to do this. The nerves, the fear of not being enough for her.

Blair reached out for my hand, and I knew I was just overthinking again. I took her hand and allowed her to pull me down to her.

Lowering my face to hers, I kissed her again, more hungrily this time. For a second, I didn't know where to go from there, still so in disbelief that my luck had turned around.

When I pulled away, my hand travelling down the side of her face. "Oh my God...is this real?"

"Of course it is." Blair giggled, her hands roaming up and down my back.

"OK. Good!" I panted, moving my kisses to her cheek, then her neck, and I could feel my heart beating a bit faster.

But because I am Brianna Caldwell, the most awkward person to have ever lived, I had to go on with the questions. "Hey, Blair, can I ask you something?" I kept my lips where they were.

"Mhmm?" She purred when I kissed that point where her neck met her shoulder. The pathetic noise she made almost made me melt, I swear to God.

"Were you…" come on, Brie, just say it, "were you gonna kiss me at the prom?"

She chuckled, "Yeah. But Trevor had to be an insecure loser."

I appreciated the cute giggling sound she made.

I lifted my head away from her skin and leaned up. I looked at her with a raised brow.

Blair was smiling still, but I knew she was getting impatient.

"So...you like-liked me back then too? Even when I was ugly?" I asked.

"Brianna, you were never ugly." Blair's brows connected, a hand stroking up and down my side. She really was getting needy. "And yes. I always like-liked you. God, that's so cute. You still say like-like." She took my hands and guided them to the knot tight at the side of her wrap dress.

"Shut up. Fuck, you're so beautiful." My hands began to untie the knot while I lowered my face and kissed along her clavicle and the only bit of exposed chest I had access to.

"Fuck. If only you knew how long I wanted this." Blair mewled. "I didn't think this was ever gonna happen. Even when I saw you and Juju out on the balcony, I was like...fuck. I'm too late."

Confusion immediately took me over. I pulled back again, looking down at her. A brief flash of frustration appeared on her face, but I ignored it. "Wait. What?"

"Yeah, I just…" Blair looked away for a moment as if debating on continuing or not, "always saw how you were around her. Always so happy. Like you were on top of the world. And I just didn't want to get in the way of that."

Her hand was trailing along my thigh, but I ignored it.

"Wait...Jujubee?" I knew that's who she was talking about, but even the sound of her name, it made something inside hurt. Not a hurt that she caused. Something...so different yet familiar at the same time.

"Yes. I never saw you that happy around anyone else…" Blair leaned back, balancing against my propped knees. "I mean, the prom? The way you looked at me, it was nothing compared to when you're with her. With Jujubee, it was...always so different."

Realisation dawned on me. I knew what she was getting at.

I opened my mouth to speak, ready to say I didn't like Jujubee in that way. But the words wouldn't surface. No matter how much I willed myself, I just couldn't. Even the thought of saying it made that feeling of hurt feel 10 times worse.

"You OK?" Her fingers danced around my thigh again, only with more wanting now.

"But…" I began, "I gave you my Valentine's card in first grade."

Now she was silent, her gaze shifting between both my eyes. She leaned up on both elbows, realising my questions weren't going to stop, and her pussy wasn't going to be eaten any time soon. She gave a nervous laugh, "um, no. You gave it to Jujubee."

I squinted my eyes. "No. I gave it to you, Blair."

"Girl, you gave it to me, and when I asked if it was mine, you shouted at me, saying it was for Juju and you just wanted me to check it out." She was laughing again. But seeing my still confused face, her smile began to drop. "You don't remember that?"

I was silent for a moment. Blair was in front of me, the love of my life, but all I could see was the image of Jujubee in my head. Her perfect little face, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed, that bright smile, her silky black hair that always smelt so good.

I thought back, all the way back to that specific Valentine's Day. I remembered handing the card to Blair, her confused face, how the kids snickered as I stood there feeling sorry for myself. And Jujubee shouting at them all for making jokes.

But that was all.

"I... don't remember that," I spoke quietly, my eyes squinted.

"Not even the card she gave you?"

My eyes widened at that. "She did what?"

"Yeah, she gave you a card."

Now that she mentioned it, there was a flicker of an image in my head; something pastel pink. My tiny painted fingers holding a heart shape. Baby Brianna smiling, only to lift her head and see the other kids making fun.

"Oh, shit…" I whispered. I climbed off Blair and got up from the bed.

I was on the verge of pacing, my hand in my hair, "Oh my God."

"Don't be embarrassed, Brie." Blair was fully sat up in the bed now, her legs spread as if trying to beckon me back. "Not a lot of people can remember so far back."

I needed to prove if this was real or not. I'd call Jujubee. But then again, would she have even answered? If what Blair was saying was true, that explained why Jujubee was behaving the way she was. She was hurt. She was pissed because I didn't remember her card.

But how the fuck could I have forgotten something like that? All my life, that was all I ever wanted - to know I was loved by someone. Such a memory like that…

"Brie, are we...you know...gonna…" Blair spoke quietly.

My eyes widened. A memory like that. A memory that would be worth keeping.

I turned to face her. "Blair, wait here. I'll be right back."

"OK. Sure." Blair blinked a few times.

I wasted no time rushing downstairs. Taking a moment to observe the crowd, it seemed, quite a few guests had left already. At least it would make it easier to navigate.

I made my way to the kitchen. The memory box was still there. For a millisecond, I feared someone would have stolen it.

I took it to the counter, no one was around, so I felt safe enough to open it.

My nerves were wrecked as I lifted the latch to the box. I only had a small idea of the things that would be in here. Old photos, movie tickets, childhood drawings.

But I hadn't planned on opening it up so soon.

No. I needed to know the truth.

Opening it up, I saw a bunch of photos, tickets and pieces of folded up paper. I removed them, planning to possibly look at them at a later date.

The more I pulled out, the more confident I felt that Blair had got it all wrong. And she was the one who remembered things differently.

But there was a flash of pink at the bottom of the box. I gulped, pushing aside the scraps of paper burying it.

And there it was; A pastel pink heart-shaped card, 'Happy Valentines Day' writing in glitter gel pen on the front. "Shit…" I said quietly, pulling the card out.

Opening it up, I breathed out a puff of air.

'Dear Brianna, I know people in class are mean and say nasty things. But I think you are the prettiest girl in the world. Happy Valentine's day. Love from Juju xxx'

I could hear the younger version of myself reading it out loud, the insults from the other kids, Jujubee yelling at them because they were just jealous.

I put the card down as I realised Blair was right. And memories resurfaced, reading completely different.

That Valentines Day in which she refused to tell me who she had eyes for

That time she didn't invite me to stay for dinner.

How her smile would drop every time I mentioned Blair.

How I never danced with her at the prom

And finally, our recent argument.

It all made sense. Jujubee was in love with me. And instead of recognising it earlier on, I was too caught up with Blair to see it.

And what about me? How did I feel about her? Yeah, Jujubee was my one and only friend. She had gotten me through so much throughout the years. If it weren't for her, who knew where I would have been.

I couldn't pinpoint any time that I had thought of her as more than just a friend.

Well, maybe the times we'd lie in bed and just...stare into each other's eyes. Or the time she held me as I sobbed into her chest after the incident at the prom. Or maybe the times she'd smile, and it would brighten up my day. Or the exact day that I noticed how cute it was when her lashes fluttered.

Or…

My eyes met the heart-shaped card again, how the very sight of it made my heart skip a beat.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair as it was clear to me.

My eyes ventured away from the card, moving to the scraps of paper.

'Grandpa's tips for life'

My hand told me to examine the piece of paper further, so I did so.

At the top of the list, there it was. A sign.

'Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose.'

I needed to tell her.

I packed the box up and quickly left the kitchen, noting that a few more people had left.

"Blair!" I called, rushing up the stairs.

She was still there, laying in the bed, in just her white lacey lingerie.

I covered my eyes. "Oh my God. That was unexpected."

"Fuck. Sorry. I kind of had a feeling that would have been inappropriate." She asked.

"What? No. You're fine. I just... wasn't prepared for that." I stuttered, still covering my eyes. "Could you just...cover-up for a second."

"OK." I heard her say. "You can look now."

I looked back. She did pull the duvet up, but just below the wire of her bra.

"OK," I breathed out, trying to ignore her cleavage, "I think you're right about Jujubee."

"You think?"

"Yes," I replied before shaking my head profusely. "No. I know. You're right, Blair. I...I like her. Maybe even love her." Fuck, saying that out loud, it did something to me, "And yes, I liked you for so long, but you're right. I was always happiest with her."

I was expecting her to be disappointed, but she smiled. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"What?"

"Go get her."

Grandpa's words reiterated.

"You're not upset that we're not gonna have sex right now?"

"No, Brie." Blair threw back the covers, picking up her gold wrap dress off the floor, "I already learned how to deal with it. Knowing you belonged to someone else." She wrapped her body up in the dress effortlessly, fluffed out her hair and turned to look at me again. "I know you're meant to be with her. So, go. Go tell her now before it's too late."

Despite this revelation, I couldn't help but feel like a dick. Blair was smiling, but I knew she had to feel some level of hurt. I walked towards her and brought her into a hug.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you, Brie," Blair whispered in my ear.

I only held her tighter, "Don't be," and I pulled away, my hands still on her shoulders, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have ever opened my eyes."

I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled warmly. I turned to leave, and before I made my way downstairs, I looked at her once more. Her hand was on her face where my lips had been. I was glad I could give her that one last kiss, just something to hold on to.

"You really helped me, Blair," I said.

"Good." She said graciously. "Now go."

The urgency in her voice only fueled my determination.

I was under no time limit, but I couldn't help but want to reach Jujubee as soon as possible.

When I was outside, I shouted for the first cab I saw. Thankfully it pulled over. I got in and pulled out my phone.

But the car was still.

"Go! Drive!" I raised my voice.

"Lady. You haven't even told me where you're headed!" The cabbie turned in his seat.

Fuck, I sounded crazy. How he hadn't thrown me out was beyond me.

I only realised that I had no idea where my destination was. Jujubee could have been anywhere.

The driver was still looking at me, his patience growing thin. So I barked out Jujubee's address.

He seemed relieved to be on the road again. Only then was I aware of the honking cars behind us. Typical for New York, but this was too much.

I found Jujubee's number, trying my luck at the chance she'd answer.

It rang.

And it rang.

And it rang some more.

"Come on, come on," I repeated quietly to myself. Relax, Brie. It's not like she's catching a plane to the furthest state.

The phone went straight to voicemail. "Fuck!"

The cab driver glared at me in the rearview mirror.

I ignored him and tried again. Still nothing.

A few minutes passed, and I tried once more. But again, my luck was shit on.

I dropped my hands to my lap, sighing frustratedly. All I could do was just see if she was home.

My eyes trailed to beyond the window, just hoping to get there as soon as possible.

And there she was. Walking out of a pizza place, a solemn look on her face.

"There she is," I said aloud to myself before turning my attention to the cab driver. "Stop! Pull over!"

He came to a grinding halt. "Jesus Christ, lady! You really need to stop all that yelling and - -"

I handed him a $20 bill, "keep the change. Thank you."

I got out of the vehicle, eyes looking to where Jujubee once was. She was gone.

"Fuck." I looked down one path, not there. And looking down the other, there was Jujubee, rounding the corner and eating a slice of pizza.

I ran in my heels, people moving out of the way to dodge me.

I knew I was an inconvenience to so many, but Jujubee at that moment was my priority.

Rounding the corner, I saw she didn't get far. I couldn't help but bend over for a hot second, trying to catch my breath.

And when I recovered, I shouted out, "Jujubee!"

She turned, eyes wide like she had never heard my voice before. And when she saw it was me, her face sort of fell.

My hand reached into my bag, and I pulled out the Valentines Day card.

She looked confused at first, but then recognition settled in. And the disappointment was replaced with fear.

I stopped panting. And finally, I could speak. "You were right. Approval; That's all I ever wanted. And I thought that if Blair gave that to me, I'd be good enough. Because I never felt that. I never felt good enough. I wasn't good enough for Blair, I was never good enough for my parents, and I'd never be good enough for anyone."

Jujubee was silent for a moment, eyes falling to the pavement and then back up again. "You were good enough for me."

I breathed out. "I know. But I was...too caught up in my own shit to think about how you felt. Too caught up that...I didn't even think about how I felt." I paused, thinking of how the fuck I should say it. No, I didn't need to think. This wasn't some cheesy movie. "I...I love you, Juju."

She let out a breath, a shaky one like she was on the verge of tears. And her eyes became glossy. I really wanted to tell her not to cry, to be happy. But this moment, she wanted this all her life.

A tear slipped down her cheek, but she laughed. "Fuck, I got this fucking pizza 'cause I needed heartbreak food."

I returned the laugh. "Hey, it's OK. You can still eat it. It can be normal pizza."

"No. I'm not even hungry anyway." Jujubee admitted, passing the pizza to a random passerby (who was taken by surprise but accepted the free food anyway).

Jujubee walked towards me. I smiled, already smelling that sweet perfume.

But she pushed me back. "Fuck you for forgetting about the card. I knew you did. I always remembered yours."

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I forgot. But," I paused, "Blair reminded me."

"She did?"

"Yep."

"Wow. She remembered. But you didn't."

"Yeah. I'm...really really sorry."

"Wow. Is this our first couple fight?" Jujubee put her hands on her hips.

"It could be. If... that's what you want to call us." I suggested.

"Perfect. Seal the deal?" She raised a brow.

I knew where this was going. "Oh, absolutely."

Jujubee stepped closer, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pressed her lips against mine. And that unfamiliar spark coursed through me, like it came from somewhere inside her and travelled through my body.

And I didn't care for the fact we were in the middle of the street, probably inconveniencing others. All that mattered was the happiness coursing through me, the feeling of...being complete.

I pulled out of the kiss first. "Wanna get in that rocket and be the first to go to the other world?"

Jujubee smiled but quickly stopped. "I-I'm kinda unprepared. I mean... I'd need a toothbrush, my clothes..."

"Where we're going...you don't need 'em." And then I played the words back in my head. "Oh. Oh shit, no. Not in that context. I just meant... you'd get new ones, you know? Fuck, I'm terrible at this."

"No. You're just you." Jujubee laughed, and fuck, I adored how her eyes were crinkling at the corners.

We grabbed the nearest cab. When we told him where we were going, his eyes widened. It would be a journey. But we paid upfront, so the driver remained silent.

When we got to base, I almost cursed myself for not thinking about how we'd access all the areas.

But there was that mastercard. And they couldn't say no. They knew who I was, after all.

When we were in the gowning area, Jujubee and I helped each other into spacesuits. I was high with anticipation, ready to see what was on the other side, ready to do it all with Jujubee.

This was our dream.

Jujubee grabbed two helmets. One for her and one for me. She tossed it my way, and I caught it.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

"Absolutely." I extended my hand, and we made our way to the door.

The cold cool air was refreshing. My eyes travelled up and down the rocket. It was bigger than I imagined, and for a small second, I felt worthless. Like I was just Brianna Caldwell, a girl from a small town with no real purpose in this world.

But Jujubee slid her hand into mine. And I was reminded that all I had to do was shut my inner demons up. Because I did have a purpose. And I was something to someone. As long as I had her, that was all that mattered.

Jujubee smiled mischievously, pulling me along the bridge, leading me to the already opened door. She ducked down and climbed into the small space, and I followed.

It was disorientating at first, what with the rocket facing the sky. I feared I'd fall trying to get into my seat. But Jujubee continued to pull me along.

When we were seated, I wasted no time putting on my helmet and initiated the activation process.

I could feel Jujubee's smirk as I flicked at switches and pressed buttons. It only fueled my excitement.

A voice came through the radio, one of the engineers. We were bombarded with questions, demanding to know what we were doing, how it was too early for take off with no press to film it, all sorts of complaints.

But we didn't care.

When everything seemed ready to go, I put my hand on the lever. But before I pulled, I turned my head to her.

"Ready to see the flying horses?" I raised a brow.

"Just as ready as I am for the cats that bark." She breathed out a laugh through her nostrils.

With another smile, I pulled the lever. The ship was rumbling now, and my stomach was doing somersaults.

We both turned our attention to the sounds of protest from the engineers. They were livid now, shouting about how the media wasn't going to like this.

I lifted my hand up, flipping the source of the sound off. Jujubee cackled to my delight.

I put the intercom on mute. And the ship took off. Mom was gonna kill me for this. I'd definitely bring her back a gift. A new vase, maybe? Yeah. A vase from an entirely new world. Something new.

I looked forward, unable to see the ground below us. How high were we already? How long was left until we reached that crossover, the gateway?

My question was answered as the ship was illuminated by a bright light.

We did it, Grandpa. We did it.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #coming of age #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #angst #gimme love #grinder #tw mental health discussion

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