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soldier-poet-king · 11 months

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Ughhhhh

Like tried to open the "hey I'm thinking abt moving out" discussion and it just. Hm

- why leave when you can save so much money living here

- implications of them being hurt because I'm leaving more because this house is slowly killing me and less because of my horrific 2.5hr daily commute

- I need to live in a community again. I can't do suburbs anymore. Even urban loneliness is better than this. At least there are people about. I can go pop into little shops. Join a club. Deadass wandering around a mall would feel less isolating than this. ANYTHING

- unspoken but present "no one in our family has moved out until they got married", ESP for the women on my mother's side, and even then they moved literally down the street and formed a weird codependent dysfunctionional situation that I can't seem to extricate myself from

- it's expensive but I am going to kill someone and then myself if I have to stay here longer. I haven't had a life since 2020. And yeah partially that's covid and even more so it's Living Here and slowly dying a bit everyday after having been free and on my own for 8 yrs

- I spent those 8 yrs putting myself back together slowly and figuring out who I wanted and needed to be and within a year of being back I came the closest to forced involuntary psychiatric hold that I've ever been and I don't think that's a coincidence. The move is not entirely to blame. But it's hard to help myself in an environment like this one. I'm going to need a whole lifetime to piece myself back together and I still don't think it'll ever sit right or be whole again

- but if I leave who'll look out for bro 3. The baby. The sensitive one. The one most similar in temperament to me. Or it'll hurt my parents feelings and what little progress they've made will backslide and everything will get worse again and maybe my dad will *** and it'll just be. My fault.

-bro 2 fucked off across the country without guilt and I wish I could just not care but unfortunately I was raised to be the therapist and carer and my whole purpose of being is to sacrifice myself for other people's comfort so what else am I supposed to do. I have to make up for myself somehow

- my parents bought a starter home with shitty jobs when they were younger than me. I'm maybe NEVER going to be able to afford property, but if I don't start "wasting" money every month on rent I'm not going to live long enough for that to BE a problem. Let alone things like investing and retirement savings. But what if I lose my job or smthn goes drastically wrong and I end up back here with my tail between my legs anyways. Idk if I could survive that again

I am so goddam tired of every decision I make being the wrong one for my family. Of none of my (significant!) accomplishments mattering because they're not the traditional milestones. No I've never had a relationship, I've never even been in a date or been kissed. I'm a weird unattractive person and that's fine because I'm particular and peculiar about relationships anyway. Even if I hate that and I'm defined by hunger and grief. No I'm not engaged or married with kids. I'm tired of me appearing years behind my peers socially because I had to spend so long recovering from wanting to die all the time that I don't feel my age or maturity level even tho I AM comptent at my job and also just good and social lying to appear friendly and normal. I'm tired of being nanny and therapist and mom and all of these horrible gendered responsibilities that I never wanted and can't escape and have shaped me and ruined me and idk what I am without them and I can't even feel resentful without guilt because isn't that what I'm FOR. What else am I for than that. That's my purpose and my Duty and Obligation and I'm weak and selfish for chafing against it. I'm not allowed to love parts of my family and culture and then hate and resent all the ones that have hurt and trapped me and will continue to do so until either I, or all of them, are dead.

All I did was hurt and/or upset both my parents which makes everything worse for everyone in this hell house and maybe that's not my fault or responsibility but it sure feels like it is, and I can't escape it regardless.

I'm so goddam tired

#franposting #just whining its.#yeah #suicide mention cw #IM FINE DW IM TAGGING TO BE SAFE FOR OTHERS #im deeply miserable but im fine. i even ate dinner AND fruit #AND made lunch for tmrw #im just. gonna go watch arcane. or read naruto. both of which will hurt me #but maybe it needs to be external rn #work tmrw. and soo many meetings bc my boss is back and i have to like. showcase that i was ok left alone for 2 weeks #and was actually productive #why am i here. whats the purpose. the reason. the goal of it all. what am i supposed to be doing #beyond simple hollow pleasures to keep me going #so i can drag myself out of bed everyday out of a sense of duty #and that i have to keep going bc maybe itll make the world even the slightest bit better than i found it #and im now allowed any easy outs #i. am once again. going to do a hair mask. literally the only emotional cure all i know other than booze. which is. bad. obvs

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wantbytaemin · 3 months

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just watched panic room (2002) and it was so good by the way !!

#w roommate in my heart print pjs <3 hehe she made my fav lunch for tmrw!!! and her bf sent roses bc she ‘doesn’t like valentines’ but she #loved them i could tellllll 🥹 oh i love love

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latinokaeya-moving · 1 year

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getting into scrambling to do my assignments mode shouldn’t be so easily thwarted by my desire to think about my silly fictional faves and yet here i am. booooo get ur priorities straight

#x #i’ve been sat in the library for three hours i think i’m gonna go take a walk and then come back n see if that helps #maybe even. eat lunch or something.#goal today is to figure out the renting a gown situation for graduation (either it works or i email the uni to ask lol)#and also completing the essay proposal form i need for a 1to1 tutorial tmrw at 2pm #wish me luck babes #after that it’s only 17k words to write for my 3 assignments #including one being my dissertation that i haven’t made any progress on since. january #good lord. i was not made for academia

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timehascomeagain · 2 years

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I am so tired but so wired. Who wants me, carnally

#i probably shouldnt have made myself a coffee which i then chugged at 5pm. that may not have been my smartest ever move #BUT IT'S TIRING OKKKKKK let me live....#i think im going to watch the thick of it til i feel sleepy😴😴 i should probably pack my bag for tmrw and make myself some lunch but i #might just not.........

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vitamin-zeeth · 1 month

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fuck this shitt I'm leavingb goin homeeee nap timeeee

#i made the most foolsproof plans when im deliriouly soeep deprived #gohome. write 2 history essays so i can leave at lunch tmrw and see a movie with the Gang. nap time.#tomorrow i go find my drama teager and say im.soso sorry i wasnt in your class yesterday miss i think i would have fucking died #is there any work yuo need me to do :)))#be soo nice to her #then movie with the Movie Crew #oh yeaaaaazhhhzzz #wet floor sign

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lesliesknopes · 5 months

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The way I managed to not see a single flatmate today when I got back to uni. I live with 5 other people. 😭

#i made dinner and lunch for tmrw and spent ages reloading my fridge but 0 flatmate appearances #hannah rambles

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filmsnroses · 6 months

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very disappointed w/ my coworkers today, or i might just suffer from a huge case of fomo.

#my inner circle group of coworkers who are my friends literally all got lunch together without me #and we are ALL close #and it made me rehtink of all the times they were on my mind and how i cared for them #and obviously they apologized and sure it may have been an honest mistake. but don't follow it with 'but u never eat lunch'#or 'u only eat SALADS!' like thats a fricken LIE!!!!!!#we are grown ups...is it REALLY an apology if you follow it with a bunch of excuses????????????????? i am appalled.#moonrants #i was so offended that i forcibly ate my lunch with them and stayed quiet #... praying for a better day tmrw

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sonego · 9 months

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YESSSS i ordered food bc i came back from work fed my cat and immediately started cleaning and i am So tired + my back hurts so the thought of cooking was Not it tonight. anyway it's about to get here hell yes !

#technically i do have leftover rice that i made for lunch today #but i already ate it today i don't feel like it again + i wanna take it tmrw to eat for lunch at work #nico.txt

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scoreplings · 11 months

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the chicken i made for dinner tonight kicks ass so everything is okay

#i didn't wanna buy it cuz it was $15 but my bf talked me into it and he was SO right #i made 4 pieces even tho i'll prolly only eat 1 mayyybe 2 #so i can pack some for lunch tmrw & maybe have 1 for dinner tomorrow again

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soldier-poet-king · 2 years

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Made the Mistake of leaving my room on a Sunday afternoon (Danger Time TM with both parents home) and I have already paid for my crimes within 5 minutes

#WHY IS EVERYONE UPSET AND PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AND MOODY ALL THE TIME #like yes im also sensitive and moody #But i bitch about it in the internet or to friends privately #AND TREAT THE PPL AROUND MR KINDLY AND #around me kindly and without SUCH PASSIVE AGGRESSION #i just...wanted some natural light. my room is so dark and small #cozy in the winter but stifling when theres actual nice weather #twas a mistake #i should just go back to video game but i don't wanna play more AA rn #and i cant craft #i wanna read but my UPSTAIRS READING SPOT IS COMPROMISED #i already made lunch for tmrw #it just. KILL ME god i need to leave so bad #but everything costs monies and i need to save to create a safety net first #and its rainy on and off so i can even go sit outside #BC THEY REFUSE TO GET A COVER FOR THE DECK #despite my Pleading for an outdoor space i can actually use

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jigujellee · 10 months

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NEWJEANS AS JEALOUS GFS HEADCANNONS

a/n: just a fun lil attempt at hcs since i rarely do them,, to whoever requested this, i hope u enjoy my attempt 🥹 i'm sorry if they're not accurate jaldfadlfljdf

a/n 2: pics are not mine!! links to layouts used are listed below w respected @ <33

MINJI (pic/layout creds courtesy of @k1sseo)

so bro™️

i think when minji gets jealous she’s just quiet

and she could get a little snarky sometimes, but just a smidge

minji didn’t expect to come home to you and hyein laughing your asses off at some random tiktok you were showing her

for some reason she was very bothered by it even tho you guys were naturally close

you kinda took awhile to notice her standing there but you once you did, you were quick to wrap your arms around her

she’ll play it off and act normal but she’s def quiet and i think she’d look like she’s deep in thought about something

so when you ask her to do something with you, that’s when light bulbs go off

“hey wanna go grab lunch later” “idk why don’t you go with hyein instead”

then you drag her to lunch anyway and endlessly tease her for being jealous in the first place

you also tease her ab the fact that she got jealous over the YOUNGEST member 😭 like ma’am, you think we’re gonna catch a case????

“i didn’t press you for the jealous type bro” “just shut up and eat”

HANNI (pic/layout creds courtesy of @winuary)

every time i see/think of this girl she’s always smiling

so i think when she gets jealous she’ll still be smiling but like it’s def forced and looks fake

or if she’s not smiling then she 100% looks like this from that one live they did

either way that shit makes her stomach feel weird deep down

she’ll watch you and minji just monitoring your dance practice but you guys are just way too close together and minji’s shoulders brush against yours and-

“hanni, you okay? you’ve been zoning out for a while” and she just smiles again and plays it off

you knew something was up so when you’re back at the dorms that’s when you ask her and she shyly admits that seeing you that close w minji made her feel uneasy

you kiss her forehead softly and tell her she has nothing to worry about before pulling her into bed and cuddling w her for the entire night (even if ur arm goes incredibly numb cuz girlie does not move an inch away from u)

DANIELLE (pic/layout creds courtesy of @i04rei)

dani wears her heart on her sleeve she’s adorable

so yk she’s jealous right away

you and hanni just came back from the mall and you are literally so happy

dani loves it when ur happy!! but it also makes her kind of sad that she’s not the one making u laugh and smile like that :(

she’s pouting while on her phone and u immediately take notice

“are u watching sad edits of cats again?” “naURRRR”

“you just seem awfully happy when you’re w hanni” “well yes bc shes my friend” more pouting and ur just trying not to melt at how cute she is

“how about we go to our fav cafe tmrw after our sched and then we can go watch the barbie movie after?” “but you don’t like barbie” “i don’t like a lot of things but if you like them, then i’d be more than happy to do them with you”

she just melts and forgets all ab what happened earlier

ft. hanni minji and hyein in the background trying not to gag out loud

HAERIN (pic/layout creds courtesy of @venitly)

radio silence.

she’s already naturally quiet as is and she def does not speak her emotions compared to the others

so it takes you a little longer to figure out when she’s jealous vs the other members

after finishing a movie w danielle, she just blankly watches the two of you have deep conversations ab it

and honestly you confuse her jealous silence for her normal silence at first

but you start realizing the difference when she’s less affectionate with you (bc behind closed doors i think haerin is so affectionate like she deadass wont let go of you and is so touchy, needs to be holding you or be in close proximity w you)

“haerin, are you okay?” and she just nods. girl pls give us something to work with

she never really openly admits that she was jealous of you and dani but ur smart genius self put two and two together and connected the dots when u saw she was quiet around dani too but not the others

but bc she never outwardly said it, you don’t outwardly tell her not to worry or not to be jealous. instead you spend more time w her and getting her her fav snacks and whatnot and she appreciates it so much

haerin likes how you don’t need to be told when something bothers her, and when you figure it out, you always knew how to make her feel better without words

actions do speak louder than words and haerin knows how true that is with you

HYEIN (pic/layout creds courtesy of @v-ico)

i’m gonna go for a platonic type of jealousy for hyein

she wanted to show u a new app she downloaded but u told her u were busy learning the new choreo from haerin

and she just whines

not like an annoying child throwing a tantrum kinda whine but just in a “why do u alw have sumn better to do” typa way

when u finish w haerin ur quick to go back to the dorms to see hyein napping

and u lowk feel bad bc all she wanted to do was show u sumn

u decide to let her sleep but ur idiot self banged ur hand on her door while trying to close it and now u feel bad even more bc she woke up

“you’re back alr unnie?” “yeah i came here quickly so you could show me the app”

hyein is super excited even tho she jus woke up, and shes reaching for her phone and is tapping thru w such speed

you both spend hours on the app (i keep saying the app bc idk what kinda app it would be 💀 im thinking either a game or a photo filter app idk) before ur both scolded by minji for being on the phone all day

it’s literally giving when ur little sibling just wants to show u sumn cool but ur too busy and u feel bad

#newjeans #nwjns #newjeans imagines #newjeans scenarios #newjeans headcannons #newjeans hcs #newjeans minji #newjeans hanni #newjeans danielle #newjeans haerin #newjeans hyein #newjeans x reader #kpop headcanons #jigujellee

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justwannalookpretty · 1 month

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✿ ~ 4 / 15 / 24 blog ~ ✿

TRIGGER WARNING!! This post discusses disordered eating / anorexia. If you struggle with an ed, please seek help, my blog is NOT for you. I strictly post for myself and to find mutuals who struggle with the same thing as me. Please block if triggered, NOT report

breakfast: coffee ~ 0 cals

lunch: homemade ice cream ~ 40 cals

dinner: cabbage !! ~ 60 cals

total: 100 cals

Xtra notes:

i love cabbage sm. my fav dish ever. anyways i made dinner for my neighbor ! (cabbage), i also made sorbet for tmrw, 60 cals for the whole pint !! sharing w mom cuz she loves sorbet. feel like i did alright today, im mostly just happy cuz i got to cook for ppl again its one of my fav hobbies. hope i drop down to 102 tmrw !! thats all :3

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a-kaash-me-outside · 1 year

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the walls are thin - ch7.5

in which maki was your college boyfriend with whom you shared everything. previous | ch7.5 | next (coming soon) [masterlist]

// passionate, silently perfect romantic, unwavering platonic ~ ᴍᴀᴋɪ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ~ 3176 ᴡᴏʀᴅs

a look into this chapter: 18+ minors dni, absolutely not necessary to read for the plot, just some maki background for my maki bitches, backstory, light angst (they break up that's not a spoiler), flirting, cute scenes, she/her pronouns

join my taglist here!! ~~ (last ch tmrw,, and an epilogue nxt wk) ♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡

falling in love with hanamaki takahiro was like waking up to soft sunlight and a gentle morning breeze. you weren’t expecting it to happen, were expecting to wake up to your alarm clock or a frantic knock on your door, didn’t know it was even happening until you were awake. it happened sooner than you thought it would, but it wasn’t jarring, wasn’t abrupt, was slow and patient, unfolded overtime, piece by piece, until one day, it just was.

you had had relationships in the past, high school crushes and senior year flings, but hanamaki takahiro taught you what love was, what it was like to trust a person so deep in your bones that it practically felt like you carried them along with you wherever you went.

but before it was this passionate, silently perfect romantic love, it was an unwavering platonic love, a friendship that didn’t just make sense to the two of you or your closest friends, but anyone you came into contact with. former classmates, semester-long friends, professors, and hallmates, everyone that knew you, knew maki, and everyone that knew maki, knew you.

on your way to class, eating lunch alone for a change, in the grocery store with him an aisle away, you were always met with, “where’s maki?” as if he was a defining characteristic of your personality, as if being without him was life-threatening to you. and the weird thing was that, you didn’t mind the questions. you didn’t feel lesser because a part of you was attached to this incredible person who just made your life better. besides, you did always know where maki was.

hanamaki takahiro was the first real friend you made on campus, not just a college friend that lasted within the confines of your school and town, but someone you instantly knew was going to be in your life for a really long time, no matter what form.

</3 </3 </3

about halfway into the second semester of freshman year, hanamaki takahiro made the only somewhat, maybe it should’ve been a bit more difficult decision to go out of his comfort zone in the name of shifting the labels of your incessant flirting and weekend long hang out sessions.

you were on the way out of his dorm, bag thrown over your shoulder already, shoes already on, goodbye already dissipating from the room, hand reaching towards the door handle when he blurted, “holy shit this is going to be so embarrassing if i read this situation wrong, but would you maybe want to like… go get a drink with me?”

your motions halted, slowly turning to face him as you narrowed your eyes, head tilting to the side out of caution. “like now?” you asked. it was one out of a million other questions you could have asked to understand the exact connotation of the question.

“i mean, sure? that’s not necessarily what i meant,” he said, hand on the back of his neck sheepishly for just a few moments before turning his palm to the sky in a half shrug.

this side of maki wasn’t one that you got to see often, somewhat shy, a little unsure, and you were really loving the way you could see the subtle blooming of a pink tint on the highs of his cheeks. even when you were ruthlessly flirting with him and he was perpetually flirting back, you never got to see this amount of fluster. it was quite adorable.

you leaned your shoulder against his door frame. “then what do you mean, maki?” you asked him, crossing your arms over your chest, only somewhat nervous that he was going to call your bluff. you absolutely knew what he meant.

“i meant, like- like a date?” he clarified.

“you want our first date to be at a bar?” you asked.

his cheeks got even pinker, eyes slightly widened as he tried to recover a bit, “not necessarily, just thought it might be a casual way to ask you out, like we get dinner all the time. we’ve never just gotten drinks as friends, so i thought it would be a bit easier to just-”

“i’m literally fucking with you, maki,” you said, sentence barely leaving your mouth before the corners of your lips turned upwards into a devilishly sweet smile. you didn’t torture him any longer, “of course i’ll go on a date with you. a drink sounds nice.”

“you’re the worst, y’know that?” he replied, exhale of breath expelled as his shoulders relaxed. he ran his fingers through his hair, exhaled once more, and then smiled at you so absolutely genuine with heaps of adoration that you could’ve kissed him right there.

“you’re smiling pretty big for someone who’s going on a date with the worst,” you teased, leaning forward onto the tips of your toes. your chest felt light, skin felt tingly, stomach felt fluttery. how were you supposed to just live like this until you went on your date? “so, are we going now?” you blurted.

he quirked his head. “you- you want to go now? it’s like, 9pm on a wednesday, don’t you have classes tomorrow? and i look like this.”

“what? cute?” you asked, and the funny thing is that it wasn’t any different than you’d normally reply. maki knew that too. “i just think that if we don’t go now, how are we supposed to act tomorrow when we get lunch? like friends? like another date? like friends who are about to go on a date? it’s just easier this way.”

“you want to just get our date out of the way?” maki poked.

“sure,” you replied as if it was a real question. he almost looked slightly taken aback until you followed quickly with, “that way we can set the tone, y’know? figure out that we really like each other sooner, keep flirting with each other, schedule another date, that kinda thing.”

“alright,” he said, walking to the corner of his room to get his jacket, shoving his wallet into his pocket, grabbing his keys. “let’s go then.”

“really?” you asked, eyes bright, standing up straight off of the door frame. he reached past you to open the door, instantly ready to go on your explanation.

“well, yeah, you think i’m going to say no to you?” he asked, smiling, one hand sliding down to slot his fingers with yours. you took his hand quickly, squeezing hard enough that he could feel your heartbeat against his palm. he stopped for a second, looking at you fondly, smile growing even bigger, eyebrows furrowing together “you think i’m going to say no to going to get a drink right now with the person i’ve had a crush on for months?”

</3 </3 </3

it didn’t take long after that for the two of you to become inseparable. you were exactly right, just as maki expected you to be. your first date was flawless, easy. he bought your drinks and he let you buy his and the two of you ended up spending the same amount of money, but it was the gestures that really mattered.

the only fear that you had going into the date, the only thing you could come up with walking down the cold downtown streets was what if it just felt like you were having a drink with your friend, what if the date label didn’t make it any different, but while you were there, drinking at the quiet end of a quiet bar, it didn’t feel like you were just having a drink with your friend but it didn’t feel like you were on a date either. it felt like you were spending the night at a bar with maki and it was really nice.

a few minutes after you finished your first drink, maki put his hand on your knee, scooched his chair closer to yours despite the fact that there wasn’t really a need to, no driving factor, no small space to take up because of a crowd or closeness needed because of the noise. you barely noticed it when it happened. it wasn’t weird or out of place. you only really clocked it when he pulled his hand away to pay the bartender for the next round because of the lack of warmth against your leg, a warmth that you quickly realized that you wanted in your life forever.

you leaned in closer, knees against his as you nudged it under his hand. his fingers wrapped around the top of your thigh, smiling at the contact again as he continued to tell you about his first kiss only because you asked. when you told him about yours, his eyes kept flickering down to your lips, distracted for a few moments before looking back up into your eyes again.

he didn’t kiss you that night, walked you back to your dorm despite your protests and thanked you very sweetly for agreeing to go out with him and for suggesting that you went out tonight. “i’m not sure how i would’ve lasted until this weekend to go out on a date with you, honestly,” he admitted.

you didn’t mind though, that he didn’t kiss you right then and there, that he gave you a night to digest what all had happened, to let you sit on it and savor the feeling of transition between friends and something more before making it quite to that something more.

the following day at lunch was only slightly different. the conversations were the same, the lunch table was the same, the flirting was the same. the only difference was warmth on your knee, the soft touch throughout the hour that didn’t waver for a single second.

</3 </3 </3

the second date came quickly, a movie on friday night in your dorm, which to be fair, was not an altercation of what your current plans had been anyway, but that didn’t matter. you labeled it as a date and it felt just like watching a movie with maki. the two of you fell asleep in your bed, curled up against each other with soft murmurs of scripted chatter droning in the background.

the third date came quickly after that, and so did the fourth and the fifth, and somewhere along the tenth or fourteenth date, you started losing track of the count and the lines between you and maki hanging out and you and maki going on a date were super blurred. but by then it didn’t really matter. by then it was just you and maki, the rest didn’t matter.

he didn’t need to ask you to be his girlfriend. the label didn’t mean much, not when the relationship between the two of you was going to stay the same anyway, but he just wanted to be able to call you his girlfriend. that was a good enough reason for you.

“cool, yeah, girlfriend,” you said, nodding along, “sounds cute.”

“sounds cute?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows, “not oh, maki, how romantic or oh, maki, yes, i’d love to be your girlfriend or oh, maki, i can’t wait to be committed to you and only you.”

“is that what that means?” you asked, stretching your arms upwards before falling backwards onto his bed, head on his pillow. “maybe not then, wanna keep my options open.”

“oh, you’re the worst, you know that?” he said, both arms bracketing your shoulders as he hovered over top of you. he leaned down and pressed a kiss into your mischievous smile.

“what! what if iwa and oikawa ever break up? gotta catch that rebound,” you teased.

“i’m gonna tell oikawa,” maki said, chest already lifting to turn and storm out of the room. you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulled him into you, kissed him again.

“don’t you dare,” you warned, kissing him again. he kissed you back, laughing against your lips. “not funny.”

“pretty funny,” he said, brushing a stray strand of hair out of your face, leaning down to kiss the spot where it used to be. when his laughter ceased, he took a breath, smile constant, but more serious now, “so, will you? be my girlfriend, i mean.”

“oh, maki, how romantic, i’d love to be your girlfriend and be committed to you and only you,” you said, voice low, and despite the fact that it’s supposed to come out as a joke, you can’t help yourself from saying each bit genuinely, sweetly.

you were, quite honestly, ready to be with him forever.

</3 </3 </3

over the course of two years, you learned to read maki really well, disgustingly well, actually, so well that you knew something was wrong the second that you heard the knock on your dorm door. you wanted to greet him with a, hey, what’s wrong? but he beat you to the first sentence.

“hey, can we talk?” he asked, standing in your doorway with enough anxious energy to shut down an entire city.

“hanamaki, you’re terrifying me,” you admitted, honestly, stepping into your dorm room and letting the door fall fast enough for him to catch it. he walked in behind you, locked the door as it closed.

he let out a light laugh, “well, hey, don’t go throwing my name around like that.” you didn’t laugh back. he didn’t blame you. you sat down on the edge of your bed and he joined you, unsteady exhale leaving him, and then he looked at you.

if he didn’t say anything else, just looked at you like that for a few more handfuls of seconds, you might not have needed to hear whatever he was going to say. his eyes were soft, features were gentle, and your heart was beating so furiously in your chest that you felt like you were going to pass out.

he didn’t beat around the bush, didn’t prolong the reason that he came or the thoughts that he had been trying to combat for the past few days. “i’m really so in love with you, but i think that i can’t be in a relationship right now.”

you were quiet, didn’t say anything, just waited for him to explain further, something, anything to calm down your nerves and heart and confusion. “classes are kicking my ass in ways that they weren’t before we started dating and my internship hasn’t even started and i’m really scared that if i keep going like this that i’m going to fall behind for real,” he explained, eye contact steady in a way that his voice isn’t because he knew that you deserved it.

“i’ve gone through this a lot in my head, on how to do this without breaking up with you, but i can’t. if we’re together, my number one priority will always be you, no matter how hard i try for it not to be, so i think i have to do this,” he said, and he sounded eerily unsure and very sure at the same time.

you were quiet again, still not saying anything, but not because you needed any further explanation, just because you were waiting for the words to seep into your skin. when they did, when they settled in next to your self-doubt and biggest fears, you could only muster one sentence, “does this mean you’ll just be out of my life?”

he shook his head, hand reaching upwards to cup your face, thumb smoothing over your cheek. “i really hope not,” he replied. “i get it, if it’s too hard to just be friends or if you don’t want to see me for a bit or-”

you shook your head, forehead resting against his as you put your hand on the back of his, fingers curling around his knuckles. the words nearly fought you, clawed at the inside of your throat as you forced them out, “i don’t really want to be without you, hiro.”

he started to say your name, but you shook your head again, harder this time as you finished your sentence, “i get it. i’m not going to fight you on this. if you think this is the only option, i trust you. i can just be your friend. i’ve done it before, y’know?” you were crying, then, as the words left you, because it was really hard not to fight him on this, to just trust him, but you did.

trusting someone in this capacity hard, but with hanamaki takahiro, everything’s a little bit easier. still, you couldn’t help yourself, couldn’t stop the sentence as it slipped out with a shaky breath, “are you sure?”

it took a few seconds, but he nodded against you, slow as to not disrupt the places where your body was pressed against his. he moved towards you, no longer a few inches separating the two of you, knees bumping against yours, one hand on the top of your thigh. he nodded again, maybe just for him that time.

you took a deep breath. “will you at least stay with me tonight?”

he didn’t hesitate. “of course.”

</3 </3 </3

it was hard slipping back into what you used to be after being what you were for so long. the touches still felt comfortable, warm, like no one communicated to your bodies how different it was supposed to be again. it took a few lunches for your picnic table to not hold as much weight anymore, for both of you to stop glancing over at the initials you had carved into the side.

but you did.

it took a few lapses of judgment for the two of you to stop hooking up after the breakup was official. it took even longer for the two of you to stop stealing kisses behind closed doors in tiny spaces that you would’ve before. neither of you regretted a single instance or a single kiss.

but you did stop eventually.

hanamaki takahiro taught you not only about love but about letting go in micro doses, about hanging on to certain aspects of your relationship despite changing the makeup of it, about care and closeness that transcends labels. you’re not exactly sure when your relationship slipped back into the way it used to be, or if it ever completely did.

there were still parts of your relationship that you held onto from your time dating like buying each other’s drinks and holding hands under the picnic table, but there were things from your time dating that you let go of when you let go of the labels like pet names and kissing in public. the you and maki that exists now is different from the one that existed before or the one that existed before that, evolved and bettered by time and mutual love.

the you and maki that exists now will be different from the one in the future or the one after that or the one after that. different forms and different labels and different people in different situations, but constant, in your life for a really long time, no matter what form. you knew that then. you know it even better now.

♡ tori's polls ♡ ( omg a totally skewed poll of who are you rooting for? )

taglist: @natriae @simpfully-heartbroken @mobbbb1 @cloud-lyy @mimivinx @kjd55 @url0call1fter @kryzi @slut-for-dabi @katsunarii @unstaaableaf @misfit-megumi @solovolpe @cheezitwh0re @5sausefandom @phantomremi @ellie111593 @pizzasdeliveries @pebble-did-what @raionmikage @filipinxgirl @alienvarmint @kuroosluthoe @bbyxxm @fi-chanwrites @bear-likes-mushrooms @cyueksims @desideityy @privthemis @yoitsseulgi @hai1q @toyfortoji @ihaveacrushonjayjo @ajbutasimp @bakamuraaa @ellie111593 @heraldmoon @aam1na@boxdisappeared @yogaballkink @snazzyturtles @hxdruss @tetsurane @jewlmin @chubbygirlfics @satanblessing @centinoahs @lanalans @omisgoodgirl @hero-fucking-101 @paradisebabey @dolce-peach @writing2live @dabibreeder @miyaluv127 @iwnnabeurss @karmakarter @hehatesmati @6kiwi @kurapika-1999 @tsukiran @sasscatsunshine @mushasstuff @useless-bicth @evbs-numberoneslut @hunny-hotline @alienvarmint

@bella009888 @um-no-ok @footjib @mon-cherries @privthemis @agashki @renster05 @greeniegreengreen @tokyo-banana @fandomtrash5092

join my taglist here!! ~~ (last chapter tomorrow!!! and an epilogue nxt wk) ♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡

follow my new writing updates tag: #♡ woah! tori's writing update! ♡ (pinned tag!)

#maki x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #i feel weird tagging this as maki stuff #its just backstory #not really its own thing #whatever #twrt!#toriwritesshit

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supportstudies · 3 months

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100 Days of Productivity (28 & 29/100)

March 3rd & 4th

I CAUGHT UP GANG REGULAR POSTING SCHEDULE WILL CONT TMRW LETS GOOO.

Today I Worked and brought a friend lunch! I’m about to make dinner and also dump annie’s litter box bc she’s a gremlin and pisses in the same place every time so no matter what I do the litter gets gross. I think she likes to make me suffer. Here’s this weeks lay out kinda! this pic was taken on the chuck e cheese check out counter so ignore how bad it looks lol.

🎧 - library of the universe, cosmic collective

Productivity/Self Care

went to work!!

made dinner

packed lunch for tmrw

checked in with my accountability buddy!

brought @wwulfnolan lunch :33

planned for tmrw!

see you guys tomorrow! shine on!

#studyblr #studying #studyspo #100 days challenge #100 days of productivity #chaotic academia #study inspo #bullet journal #100 dop #100dop #autistic studyblr #cute stationery #enhypen #hobonichi weeks #hobonichi #working student

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erikasnothungry · 3 months

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I ate 3 clementines when I got home and it was 104 c4ls, but I burned ≈335 at school (gym class, walking at lunch, stairs) probably more but that's what my pedometer recorded, and I'm so full like what so yay! even though I'm probably going to have to eat supper but wtv, I'll have like one bite ok yayayyyy!!! and the guy yk who asked me out, he's going to be back tmrw. nobody paid attention to me before I started stârving and guys if I sit on a hard chair and lift my knees just a bit I have a th!gh gap like bigger than the width of my phone. sorry if this got a bit off track but you guys feel free to dm me if you're under 18, I have most socials so yeahhhhhh ilyy!!!

ps I made an 4n4 bracelet and once I reach my gw of 90 lbs (not that I'll know bc I don't have a scale but wtv) I'm going to start wearing it as a reward, it has red beads and a blue butterfly. mwah

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tinandabin · 2 years

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please tumble for the live of God let me give paragroah breaks plsZe

Yandere Mitsuri x Reader

High school AU.

____________________

hey [name]!! you are coming

to school tmrw right? :))

<[name]>

yes I am! why do u

ask?

oh, nothing much!! just wanted

to tell u that I will bring a home-

made bento for u! <33

<[name]>

aww ty! u don't

really have to tho.

no no, I insist!!

<[name]>

aaa, thank u!! I will ttyl <3

senpai kanroji unsent a message

______

To be honest, you always found Kanroji Senpai weird..I mean, she was already pretty affectionate with everyone. But it was clear to see her favouritism over you..She was just always so, so, so, affectionate with you. You feel suffocated everytime you are with her.

You were looking forward to not eating lunch with her tomorrow, but it seems like that can't happen. I mean, you could've refused her offer..and you did so, not as direct, but you tried. Besides, you wouldn't want your reputation to go down in the drains because who would reject such a sweet girl and make her cry? Whosoever will do that is obviously a monster! Senpai Kanroji has everyone wrapped around her finger..thankfully, not you.

Sighing heavily, you pulled the covers over yourself and went to sleep, dreading the next day. Not only because of school but Kanroji Senpai too. Hopefully, you'll live.

_________________

"Hey [name]!!," Senpai Kanroji enthusiastically waved at you, motioning for you to come to sit beside her. "Come, sit beside me!!" She smiled at you, blushing like crazy. Like girl, have some self-control.

Nervously laughing and trying your best to ignore all the eyes staring at you, you sat beside her and tried to smile at her. Keyword: tried. "Ahaha...What's up??" You asked because you don't like awkwardness, the people staring at you also don't, no one likes awkwardness.

"Awww," Kanroji Senpai cooed at your adorableness and hugged you, tightly, and softly muttered into your neck, "You are so cute!!"

Excitedly she got off you and presented you with the bento she made for you, and honestly, the smell of the food was really fucking delicious. Gordon Ramsay approved. And to be honest, you would have snatched the bento box out of her hands had she been someone else. But she isn't. This is so sad, Alexa play despacito. All of a sudden, Alexa starts playing despacito, having somehow found her way into your mind. She starts taking control over your body, and in no time are you the one singing Despacito.

Enough BULLSHITTING.

a/n: THIS IS THE AUTHOR GETTING BACK TO WRITING, BUCKLE UP U ALL. THIS IS A WARNING BECAUSE A LOT OF ANGST IS GONNA BE COMING UP IN NEW FICS. AFTER ALL, I AM MISERABLE AND SO WILL U ALL BE TOO.

"Say aaah, [Name]-Chan!" Mitsuri told you as she held a piece of fish ( cooked, duh ) with her chopsticks.

Awkwardly, you opened your mouth and wished you could just poof out of existence, like, I CAN FEED MYSELF MITSURI. THANK YOU NOT VERY MUCH.

"Good girl!" She chirped as she practically shoved the piece of fish down your throat, too eagerly waiting for you to finish eating. Like, is this shit poisoned? ( BINGO! You guessed it. )

After a good while of Mitsuri happily watching you eat, lunch was finally fucking over. Thank God, didn't think you could bear her anymore... The way she was watching you eat! Creep. She definitely could not ever pass your vibe check.

You headed towards your class, thankful that you and Mitsuri don't share the same class.. Because she's a senior. Atleast you will have some peace.

In no time school was over and all of you were allowed to head home. You had been feeling pretty sleepy after lunch, I mean the food Mitsuri made was pretty bomb, okay? Can't really blame you.

Yawning, you tiredly grabbed your bag, as you lazily started walking towards the exit. Most of the kids were heading towards their clubs, you hadn't really chosen which club to join yet. Besides, it is optional. So, the lesser the work the better for you. Studies are hard enough as they are.

Stopping by your locker, you changed your shoes and exited the school without seeing Senpai Mitsuri, thank God. It's a good thing she is in the cooking club. You wouldn't have to deal with her.

The more you walked, the more tired you got. Your eyes started feeling heavy and your body too. Before you knew it, you couldn't even walk properly. Leaning against a wall, you sat down there. Gradually, black dots started surrounding your vision and you were knocked out cold.

a/n: I'm gonna make a part 2 HAHHAHAHA. I HAVE NO idea what to do now. happy I got this out now 💪 it's been in my drafts for months now

MASTERLIST

just so u know requests for demon slayer are closed!!!!

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