#ALSO AGAIN IM REALLY SORRY THIS IS LENGTHY
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I feel super bad for posting this but imight be short on posts for a while in the art department, mental health has been super bad and to top it off ive been more paranoid and panicky lately so ill attempt to schedule something over the weekend but i dunno
#i just wanted to get this off my chest mostly tumblr is sorta an okay place for me rn#but the paranoia has been eating me cause posting stuff on the Internet can trigger it zo#so im trying to get better at it but its j#super hard sometimes#ive got so much art to share!! and im exited about it but i also struggle a lot#sorry abt the vent but i dont really know what else to do#ill try do get some sleep although sleeping scares me too#again i apologise for writing this lengthy thing#luna speaks#ok gn!! ill see u all soon
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Dating Yoongi
We've finally got the dating Yoongi headcanons!! I'm sorry it took so long but boy is it lengthy so strap in. this is not proofread and im fucking exhausted so edits to be done eventually. if you enjoy reblog, like and leave a comment. cw: does contain smut and one kys moment
Your meet cute with Yoongi ended up being more of a meet awkward than anything. It was 3am at one of the many random convenience stores in Gangnam and you were exhausted, exhausted and hungry. You were doing a year in Seoul for your major and the timezones were really fucking you up. Puffy sleepy eyes,glasses on and a sleep mask resting on your forehead made quite the picture.
It was also quite the picture when you ran into a rack of honey butter chips and wiped out on the floor.
Full wipeout.
Legs up,gravity turned on its head wiped out.
Thankfully the only thing wounded was your pride, but you kinda wished you knocked yourself out so you couldn’t see the handsome man towering over laughing so hard his eyes practically disappeared and a gummy smile on his face. He had a cup of ice and one of those americano packets balanced in one hand and a helmet dangling in his other.
“...chana?”
“Huh?”you said in a daze.
“Gwaenchana?”he purred in a low rumble. He looked at your lost expression and sucked in a breath.
“Are you okay?”It was a little clunky and half mumbled but you didn’t want to put this man through any more mental torment so you nodded quickly.
“Ne, na gwaenchana!”you replied and quickly scrambled to your feet, almost falling once again because your ankle decided now was the time to roll. He quickly reached out and steadied you, looking at you with so much bewilderment the whole situation felt comical. He looked at the hand that still rested on your arm and quickly pulled it away, you swear you saw his pale cheeks turn pink.
“Um…”he rumbled, looking at you with weary eyes. “stay”
You nodded with wide eyes as you watched this random man run around the convenience store and come back with a juice box and a random red pouch. He looked at you and held up each one.
“Bae juice”
He held up the red pouch. “Hong sam jelly for sukchwi…one moment”
He pulled out his phone and typed quickly. He held the phone to his ear and hummed.
“For hangover”he said, pointing to the two items again. Your eyes widened and you shook your head rapidly. You weren’t drunk. He definitely misinterpreted the situation and just smiled, giving you a smile and waving goodbye before disappearing into the night.
And what do you do when a pretty man buys you pear juice and ginseng jelly in a foreign country?
You fucking c o n s u m e it.
And the next morning when you woke up late to your 8:00am lecture, you just blamed the crazy night because wow what the fuck happened.
You spent the rest of your classes thinking about that handsome stranger. Maybe you did hit your head because WHY didn’t you ask for his name or his katalk? You could have done the whole ‘oh handsome young man, I need to pay you back’ kinda schtick but your brain decided to cosplay the very first windows computer and blue screen the minute you looked at him. stupid.
“Stupid” you groaned, trudging back to your dorm. You had been blessed—got accommodations—for a single room so it was just you and your twin sized
Oh yeah, and your pining.
Couldn’t forget about your pining.
You needed a drink. A good drink,some good food and some cartoons to get your mind off this random man. Within minutes you had a bottle of soju and a hefty platter of tteokbokki on the way. Maybe you’d go out for bingsu sometime this week with the girls from your lecture. They were sweet and treated you just like anyone else despite the racial and cultural differences, doting on you as their new maknae and always making sure you ate between classes. It was nice to be looked out for so thoroughly, especially when you were so far away from home. You pulled your phone out to text them when you got a notification that your delivery driver was already on the way.
Huh. they were already earning themself a tip. You stood eagerly by the door waiting and even though you were watching the app like a hawk, you jumped when the doorbell rang and scrambled to open it.
“Gamsahab-”you looked up and saw a familiar set of eyes. “...-nida”
“Soju?”he raises his brow in a way that says ‘again?’. You felt your face grow hot and shook your head rapidly. He just smirked and handed over your takeout bags.
Once again you fucked up,blanked and forgot to ask for his name.
Damn pretty boy with his pretty eyes and his stupid smile.
It was months before you had seen him again.
Time heals all wounds and you began to move on. You hung out more with your friends, went to karaoke,saw the sights of Seoul and slowly but surely felt yourself moving on.
It was on a rainy day in May where you found yourself at your usual convenience store. The weather went from sunny skies to torrential downpour within minutes and you had just gotten your hair done. You were looking for an umbrella but found yourself in the snack aisle.
Blame it on the wind.
What you didn’t expect to find in the snack aisle were seven men bickering.
You kinda just stood like 🧍🏾♀️ until one of them finally turned and god he was stunning
“Yah, Yoongi-yah!! Move and let this lady through!”
The ‘Yoongi’ in question quickly scooted out of the way, mumbling about how they were all in the way.
That mumble…
“Yoongi..”you whispered before you could even stop yourself. His gaze snapped up and for once you caught him off guard. His eyes flitted over you rapidly and his mouth opened and shut like a nutcracker.
“Soju girl,”he whispered. Then the moment was lost.
"na iroumi aniya(that’s not my name)” you huffed in annoyance. You know there was an honorific you were supposed to use somewhere in that sentence but your point still stood.
“You speak Korean”another boy said and god he was tall.
“Yes I speak Korean”you said, tilting your head up at him.
“Hyung, you said soju girl couldn’t speak Korean!”a voice laughs. You squint your eyes at this Yoongi who seemingly wanted the floor to swallow him whole. He stared at you like he had seen a ghost actually which wasn’t making things much better. The tall boy sighed and took a step forward, bowing even.
“I apologize for my hyung,”he said solemnly. “He’s usually not this dumb. I’m Kim Namjoon and these are my bandmates. What’s your name?”
You smiled and returned the bow, happy to finally have some familiarity, both language and warmth.
“I’m y/n”you said. “I think me and your hyung have some catching up to do”
Yes, to say it was a meet awkward was the nicest way to put it.
It was a fucking train wreck of events if you were being completely honest.
You had exchanged info with Namjoon seeing as he spoke the most English and was the only one who didn’t 👁️👄👁️ at you which was nice and had quickly become good friends with one another.
Seeing that their leader liked you, the rest of the boys quickly followed suit and you suddenly had a much bigger friend group than you could even imagine.
Yoongi had become a lot more reserved in a way that was off putting to say the least. You’d only ever spoken to him twice before but there was something off.
you’d asked Namjoon about it during one of your study/music/kill each other from frustration sections and he just shrugged mumbling something about ‘hyung being busy’
you rolled your eyes and grabbed your stuff to find out yourself. That’s what you get for asking a dumbass.
Yoongi had been exactly where you’d expect him to be, crammed into one of the practice rooms with his headphones and laptop.
“Yoongi,” you said, tapping on his shoulder. He spun around in a startle and looked at you with a relieved sigh.
“Oh god”he breathed out, “I thought you were one of the maknae begging for food”
You couldn’t help but to smile, all the prior annoyance melting out of your pores and back to the depths of hell where they belonged. Talking to Yoongi was easy, that is when he was still talking to you.
“How do you know I'm not begging for food?”you smirked, taking a seat on the lumpy couch.
“Well, are you?”he asked, raising a brow. You shook your head and leaned back into the couch.
“You’re off the hook”you said, “but I do have a question”
“Which is?”
“Why have you been avoiding me lately?”
The room grew silent enough you could hear a pin drop. Cornered was the only way you could describe Yoongi. His shoulders scrunched up and he seemed to fold in on himself.
“No reason,”he said plainly.
Your eyes narrowed.
“So you have been avoiding me?”
His eyes widened.
“That’s not what I meant-”
“Then what did you mean?”you asked. Your patience was wearing thin and your heart was racing something ugly.
“I was trying to give you space”
“Space for what? I didn’t ask for space!”you snapped.
“Space for you and Namjoon!”he snapped back, folding his arms over his chest.
“Me and Namjoon?”you gagged. “The last thing me and Namjoon need is space, please collect your dongsaeng cause he won’t leave me alone!”
“Well he’s your boyfriend!”Yoongi threw back.
Huh.
“Huh?!”You shrieked.
“It doesn’t take a genius to find out,”Yoongi continued, rolling his eyes. “So you can drop the naive act”
“Naive act—Yoongi, you think I'm dating Namjoon?”you asked. You felt like you were going to be sick. Namjoon wasn’t bad by any means, he was just so older brother coded it was disgusting.
“I don't think, I know,”he said. “You guys spend all your time together,you go on dates,you take naps together; it’s obvious”
“Well since you’re such a genius”You said, “How come you couldn’t tell that i’m in love with you?”
Huh.
“Huh?”he said, spinning around in his chair to fully face you. You ran a hand over your face and honest to god laughed.
“Idiots”you said in disbelief. “You’re all idiots”
“Hey-”
“I've been pining over you for months and this whole time you think i’ve been dating Namjoon”you said, shaking your head.
“You’ve been what?”Yoongi said.
“Crushing on you”you emphasized, “You idiot”
“i..I don’t know what to say,”he said. You sighed and fully leaned back against the chair, feeling all the blood rush to your head from your bold confession. This isn’t how this was supposed to go.
“You can let me down gently for starters”you chuckled humorlessly.
“Let you down—what are you talking about?”he asked.
“Just reject me already!”You exclaimed, waving your hands frantically. You felt like a madwoman.
“Why would I reject you?”his eyebrows furrowed.
You were going to be sick.
“I’m going to be sick”you laughed, running your hands over your face and god were you crying?
“Why are you crying?”he rumbled softly, leaning in and wiping the tears off your cheeks. You just laughed harder, but that ended up turning into a sob because you were so tired. You weren’t expecting a fairytale but this wasn’t the turn you thought today would take. You felt yourself being pulled closer and you knew you should pull away, you knew better. It was all too much and he would just hurt you, but his hoodie smelled like coffee. His hoodie smelled like coffee and his hands were warm as they wrapped around you. You always wondered if he ran hot or cold, but he was neither; Yoongi was pleasantly warm. His hand had somehow wriggled between the two of you and rested on your cheek, rubbing the streaks where your tears trailed. His breath rose and fell in a steady rhythm and for a moment you felt weighless.
“What a mess, huh?”he mumbled, tracing his thumb over your temple. “I went and made all these assumptions…because I was afraid to say I love you”
“You love me?”you whispered.
“Mm”he rumbled in affirmation. “You didn’t know?”
“No”you said, keeping your voice low, scared if you spoke too loud, the moment would disappear.
“I thought I was being obvious,”he said.
“I thought I was being obvious,”you said. You pulled your head back to look at Yoongi and that gummy smile was on full display.
“We’re both idiots”
Actually dating Yoongi went much smoother than the confession process.
In the early days, the two of you spent a lot of time in the genius studio doing parallel play, you’d work on your assignments and he would work on music.
Obviously with many interruptions from the maknae line + hoseok, occasionally being prodded by Seokjin and Namjoon to eat,drink and get fresh air
Y’all needed to touch grass and they were sick of it
Being so close to the band in their early days formed an immeasurable bond between you all
But it also lead to a lot of sacrifices on your part that you weren’t prepared to make.
There was the obvious like no posting about the boys on social media,nda’s up the wazoo,etc. This was all expected and you were willing to do so.
What you weren’t prepared for was how cruel the kmedia could truly be. You weren’t from here, you were a foreigner and that already put a target on your back. The fact that you weren’t thin or pale didn’t help one bit either.
Thankfully, the boys and Yoongi reassured you in private. Namjoon did damage control and argued with the company to do more on your behalf, while Jimin and the maknae stood by your side like bodyguards wherever you went in silent solidarity. You were never alone. Jin dropped you off at university in the morning, along with Jungkook. Scolding the two of you to have a good day and to eat something that wasn’t chips. Naturally, Jungkook would bring you back once your classes were done and continued to gripe that even though he was older than you, he was still stuck in highschool.
You still hold this over his head to this date.
So thankfully, you had support. Support that if you didn’t have you weren’t sure where you would be honestly. It really felt like you all had become a little family, and being so far from home that was something you desperately needed.
Once the group got larger and was in a more stable position you better believe they all stopped holding their tongues, especially Yoongi. He could be a little hard to read at times but you were not expecting him to be getting himself into full on twitter wars on a burner account over you 💀
“Yoongi stop telling people to kill themselves”
“No”
Being in love with Yoongi felt easy, it was natural. He continued to take care of you in little ways whether it was packing your lunch,giving you transit fare or rubbing your temples when you were tired and falling asleep on him.
Our mans is definitely about that acts of service life. He loves quietly.
Pda made him want to die just a little inside but he wasn’t opposed to holding your hand. It wasn’t like he had anything to hide anyways, you guys were already public.
He wasn’t the jealous type and although he’d never admit it, he loved how much you and the boys love each other. He’s got a bunch of pictures on his phone of you just in the dorms being domestic. You spent more time there than you did in your own dorm room.
So although he doesn’t say it often, he shows it with every part of his being. The way his eyes sparkle when he sees you in the morning, his proud smile in your graduation photos. It also made his heart flutter that you got his dry humor and you dished it right back to him, smack in the middle of the maknae line teasing him and Jin about being old.
And when you learned Daegu Satoori from Taehyung to surprise him? Namjoon had to hold him back from proposing on the spot. And to think he ever thought you and Namjoon were dating.
Yoongi bits ✨tid bits about you and yoongi ✨
Yes Yoongi genuinely thought you were drunk and he wasn’t flirting(he got that nuerodivergent rizz)
When Yoongi told you the mint hair wasn’t real and washed it out you cried 🧍🏾♀️
You guys have two apartments together, one near Hybe and one in Daegu. You both prefer the apartment in Daegu because that means Holly gets to stay with you guys.
Everytime a new design for shooky it mysteriously appears in the apartment.
You guys have two cats per your request(a white one named sugar and a black one named gloss) the things Yoongi does for love
You guys have been happily engaged for the past year and he proposed in the most unromantic way possible
NSFW
Baby, Yoongi is a switch with a capital S
Now I have never met a non kinky neurodivergent person and Yoongi is no exception. He enjoys a good power dynamic and has definitely explored kink in the past with previous partners so he’s experienced.
But Yoongi does occasionally just like to fuck, no rules no dynamics. Just vanilla sex
He’s a lot softer than his image and he honestly likes the separation between the two for his own sanity. The fans think he’s this no nonsense hardass, but he’d much rather praise and reward you than dole out punishments.
He’s a softie at heart and finds a bit of bratty behavior to be cute so you can definitely get away with a lot. Not to say he’s a complete pushover but he definitely will let a good amount of back talk slide before he puts you in your place. It's almost infuriating how calm he is if you’re the type that brats in hopes of a punishment. He’ll just look at you and laugh about how cute you’re being before returning back to whatever he was doing.
It’s pretty hard to tick him off but also not impossible, the easiest way to get him to snap is to mess with him in the studio; especially if he has a deadline coming up. That's how you end up on your knees crammed under his desk not even allowed to suck his dick but just sit there and keep it warm while he works. The condescending mumbles and coos he lets out while stroking your head is enough to send you careening straight into subspace. “Just needed something in your mouth, huh?”he’d purr and gently drag his nails across your scalp
Tongue technology. We all know about it, but you get to experience this first hand at your beck and call. Yoongi is the first one to admit you’re spoiled and when you’re not being a brat, all you have to do is ask and he’ll be in between your legs. He could and has spent hours down there teasing your folds and giving you orgasm after orgasm until you can’t take it anymore.
Somnophilia. This is a kink that goes both ways for you guys but honestly he finds it really hot when you take what you need from him. Waking up groggy in the middle of the night to you fucking yourself on his cock is one of the quickest ways to get Yoongi whining and gripping the sheets. Bonus points if you tie his hands up or cuff them to the bed posts.
He’s not really a fan of quickies and prefers to take his time, but he’s not opposed to shoving you into a closet and getting you off on his fingers if you’re getting needy. He just wants to take care of his girl.
Speaking of his hands, they end up around your throat and in your mouth quite often. Whether you’re sucking or gagging on them, Yoongi makes good on this little fixation and makes sure you get your fill.
He’s down to being pegged. Somebody had to say it guys,🗣️ Yoongi wants something up his ass ‼️
Whether you have him bent over a table or you’re tied up and he’s riding you, Yoongi does enjoy penetration and he’s not ashamed of it. He likes how dazed and pliant you get when he’s bouncing on your strap all flushed and pink and whining. it’s a rush to his head and sends him over the edge faster than he can get a hand on himself.
He’s a fan of cozy aftercare and pillow talk. After you’ve both cleaned up and the bed is moderately clean, he’s off in the kitchen getting snacks and water so you two can cuddle and recap what you liked and disliked. He gets really affectionate after he cums so it usually dissolves into him mumbling praises and kissing all over your face before falling asleep.
All in all Yoongi is the best boy.
#yoongi headcanons#yoongi fanfic#yoongi fluff#Yoongi smut#bts headcanons#bts hard thoughts#bts hard hours#min yoongi x reader#min yoongi smut#bts min yoongi#bts fanfic#bts yoongi#yoongi drabble#min yoongi
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totally didnt trip and run here…why would that happen.
anywho, stolas x stellas cousin!gn! reader :3 idrc if its platonic or romantic this man needs a friend/someone to care ab him and actually show it (staring at blitzø)
if platonic, then it could be that they have a marriage of convenience and stolas is off put but them but they reassure both him and octaviva that they arent like their cousins lol and from there they befriend stolas and be his rock for whenever blitzø shuts down and pushes stolas away
if romantic then it could just be a silly slow burn with stilas veru confused bc he loves blitzø but also is beginning to like his new spouse?! (then they could talk and the cousin could be like “dude we dont gotta be exclusive. esp since u still like the imp dude. if u want, take thing slow, see where u end up and how you feel.”)
and when reader shows affection stolas is taken aback bc all the people in his life aren’t really forward with their own affections?
soz if this is lengthy 😭😭 i love this sad bird sm and just want him to have someone to rely on that isnt his kid or his BF
It wasn't just a marriage of convenience.
Pairing: Stolas x GN! Stella's cousin! Reader
Warnings: Stella slander (im sorry), very slight blitz slander (again, sorry)
Word count: 816
✰Masterlist
Stolas wasn't too keen on remarrying, especially when he found out it would be his ex-wife's cousin. He expected to be just like the rest of your snobby family.
The first time he met you, your beak upturned in a smile that could've been fake. But there was no faking the look in your eyes. The way you were hanging off every word as he talked. That was the most genuine thing about your family. Your eyes always gave you away. Stolas learned that quickly with Stella. Even when she was trying to be nice, her eyes always revealed her true feelings.
After the wedding, Stolas realized the heels of your fancy shoes didn't echo in the hallways like Stella's did. Her footsteps always sent chills down his spine because they were always filled with fury. No matter where you were in the palace, you could always hear her coming.
The first time you threw a ball, it wasn't for a selfish reason, it was for your friend's birthday. Unlike Stella's amazing idea of a 'not divorced' party. She would glide across the ballroom with fake poise, her head turned up at everyone who was below her. But you move so effortlessly and with such elegance that you could put your cousin to shame.
It felt odd to be living with you at first. To be sleeping in the same bed. But you mostly kept to yourself during the day. Stolas finally could get some peace and quiet now that Stella's constant torment was gone. During dinner, when you were all sat at the table, you would have an actual conversation with him. Octavia seemed to like you as well, the two of you would talk about things that she liked. And you would hangout in the library at night.
You weren't trying to be a new parent for Via. Or a new spouse for Stolas. You were just simply existing in the same space. Not trying to disrupt the environment before you. Maybe that's why he was just so drawn to you. You cared about his problems, listened to him, but didn't pry. Even when your cousin was brought up, you were never angry. You were just an observer.
But now Stolas was in a dilemma. He likes Blitz, but now he also likes.. you? It sent his head into spirals, rethinking the last year of his life. It was so bad he couldn't concentrate on the words in his book. Because just a few feet away his spouse sat at their vanity, putting some eye drops in their eyes. Stolas takes a deep breath, going over every outcome in his head. Before he knew what he was doing, the words were coming out of his mouth. "Uh, hey?"
This gains your attention, and you turn to him. But not just your head, you did a full body turn towards him. Satan you were so beautiful. Stolas would compare your beauty to that of the stars. Your head tilts every so slightly, your eyes fill with affection. "Yes?"
"I'm having a bit of a problem.." Stolas admits, setting his book on the nightstand. By the time he looked back at you, you were already sitting on the bed with him. "What kind of problem?"
"I think I'm starting to love you..." He mumbles scratching the back of his neck and then smoothing down his feathers. "Why is that a problem?"
You already knew about his relationship with Blitz as he would often express his issues to you. It was a very simple question, but it made Stolas even more confused. "Because I can't like two people at once."
He shakes his head, his hands in his lap. You raise an eyebrow, then chuckle to yourself. "Stolas, we don't have to be exclusive. Especially since I know how special that Imp is to you. We can take things slow, see if we like it. If not, we can go back to how things are, I won't be upset."
His eyes widen at your words. His body felt like it was on fire. But not the 'I'm horny' kind of fire. More like 'I love you so much I think I'm going to explode' kind. "Could I.. kiss you then?"
You smile, the type of smile that made his heart melt for you. You inch over to him, taking his wing in yours. "I would love nothing more than that."
It was one of the most love filled, passionate kisses that Stolas had ever experienced. His claws grabbing at you like you'd slip away if he didn't. Your claws touch his face delicately, as if he were a glass figure that would shatter if you pressed too hard. When the two of you pull away, Stolas buries his face into your neck. And the two of you cuddle into each other for the rest of the night.
Star's notes -> You know I love it when I get requests from you Adonis!!! <3
(Thank you, @sweetadonisbutbetter for requesting!) (Requests are open!)
Taglist -> @samohxt2-0 @sunshines-bright @astrolovedy @saints-wrapped-in-plastic @sweetadonisbutbetter
@little-miss-chaoss @sunr1s3-strab3rr1 | Join the taglist
#☆strawb3rrystar answers requests#helluva boss#helluva boss x reader#stolas x reader#stolas helluva boss#stolas goetia#stolas#helluva boss x you#helluva boss x y/n
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Being scared of scara but also passionate about him is so >>>
Hes putting you in ur place putting fear and pleasure into ur body and mind
IM SO GRRR <333
SHOUKI NO KAMI/WANDERER X LESSOR LORD READER.
FLUFF X SMUT(face sittingg, god complexx) word count 1.2k
I love how the sumeru archon is so passionate about their people even after everything that happened. scaramouche has his reasons but the way he was so dismissive of that ideal just gave me BUTTERFLYS. I'm glad you liked it. 10+ notes on that is crazyy :) Now scaramouche wants REDEMPTION. hes so sorry for what happened :(.
Part 1 scara fics lessor lord masterlist
MINORS DO. NOT. INTERACT.❌❌❌
Its been one week since your encounter with shouki no kami. But you couldnt seem to remember anything. You woke up the next day and your body was in great pain from your back down. Along with your missing celestial weapon. The sun set as you sat at your booth you visit everyday to talk with your people in a less 'formal way.' The idea: talk to your god directly about questions you'd have regarding dreams. It took a while for citizens to adjust to talking to a great being as you but in the end everyone enjoyed it.
"Lessor lord y/n? is everything okay?" the woman asked. "H-huh? y-yeah im fine, sorry. Just thinking about things. May your dreams be blessed and my words guide you to everlasting peace." You shook the woman's hand and took a deep sigh while resting your head on the table as she walked away. 'Joururi workshop? I never heard of that place before..and their turning it into a underground research facility for scholars? No wonder their hasnt been many people here today.' As you daydreamed only 1 person remained in line, A short looking 'little boy' with a large hat, anemo vision and lengthy box in his hand. He looked down at you. His beautiful blue crystal eyes and black eyeliner put you in a trance as you looked up upon him. You cleared your throat and offered him a walk through the city, as he intrigued you.
The two of you walked through the city and stopped at your home town, the moon rose deep in the night sky. On the way, He told you He went by "The wanderer" a vagrant from inazuma. He didnt have a legitimate home and would travel across teyvat taking in the joke of a world he's in. 'joke of a world' It was amusing to you how he bluntly disrespected the divine as if he wasn't Infront of an archon. You walked closer to him and interlocked arms halfway to your home. He noticed and stopped walking. "A-are you okay wanderer?" He snapped out of his daze. "Yeah. Good." You smiled again, "Im glad you are, wanderer. I hope sumeru can maybe be your real home soon and I'll make sure everyone treats you welcomely :)" You gave him a bright smile while blushing and had a revelation. "O-oh thats right im sorry. I hope you dont mind coming over for tea.." "Oh hah hah its no problem. Of course, I'd love to come over." His smile sent butterflies into your stomach as you turned to unlock the door. However, he stared at you. Observing. Thinking. Looking at your presence. Innocent and pure. Not knowing who your falling for was the same ex-god who corrupted you and fucked you until you passed out from his big cock.
Your home was well kept with a divine smell of flowers. There we're many pictures of you with citizens during grand openings of shops and schools. A particular picture crossed his eye as he drunk his bitter black tea. A picture of you in inazuma, shaking hands with his creator. The almighty raiden shogun, god of thunder. Formally known as the electro archon. "Oh heh heh. I see you noticed that picture. Your from inazuma right? Your archon is a very nice person even though she comes off pretty intimidating." He stared at you blankly. "Is that right... " Wanderer put his bitter black tea on the counter. "Yeah! your eyes actually remind me of her's..but.. Your beautiful." you said while blushing. "Oh really? Your calling my ma- My archon ugly?" He smirked "S-Sorry! This got way off track...N-no im not.. Your just.. Really..handsome. She's..pretty but I like how you talk like you dont give a fuck. Sometimes...I miss how people would talk straight up like you." You said as you put your tea down.
"Well isnt that ironic for the 'god of wisdom' to say." Wanderer moved closer to you. Cupping your cheeks with his hand. "I morally...Tell it like it is..If someone cant handle it..Maybe thats their problem." Your body felt shaken up from his presence..."Do you truly not remember me? "You seem a little out of it 'god of wisdom' Whats wrong?" he smiled. "Let me help you remember...love." You closed your eyes as he pulled you into a sloppy kiss. 'i..Dont.. Remember him?' as you opened your eyes to see his looking back at you. It hit. Something about the way he said 'god of wisdom' made you shake. "K-Kuni..?" The way you said his name made your lips quiver. But made his cock hard. "Ah.. so you do remember now.. Dont worry. Things changed." "Wh-whats changed? wait did you..did you erase yourself from irminsul?!" you pushed him away with a panicked expression. "Ding ding ding! You got it, irminsul responded to my wish, but it didnt give me the outcome i desired..So.. Im starting over." he sighed. "W-what did you desire Kunikuzushi?"
You.
SMUT.
"M-me..? W-wait. Kuni, this is wrong. Dont say that again- After what you did.." you we're against the door to your room. "Shh shh.. Its okay y/n.. We're starting over remember. It'll feel good kay?" He tried to comfort you while opening the door to your room. You laid down on the bed as he was ontop of you. "You said you liked my eyes huh? How they glow... and that im 'pretty' we're you lying about that baby? or do you really love me." Your body tensed up and you started breathing heavily as he trailed kisses on your neck. "course' not..I didnt lie. Even back then i-..Care about you." It felt like slime to say those words. caring about a man who disregarded you and made you feel like dirt. "You're burning up y/n.. Relax.. okay.." He whispered.
"Want me to treat you like the god you are, love? Is that what you want. I'll make it up to you." His hands began to trail down onto your neck. "Ohh fuck i missed your body.. You like it when i hold your neck baby?" His fingers pressed against your pulse point. "shit..your heart is beating so fucking fast f' me." you scoffed "tsk are you a doctor now..?" Kuni laughed at your remark. His hands now trail down to your thighs. On instinct they press together as his hands are inbetween them. "mmm your sensitive y/n." As he explored your body you kept thinking 'this isnt right. i should tell him to stop. i- "Ah~ K-kuni. what are you doing?!" you couldnt see as his head was between your legs. "Mmm im tasting you y/n..Fuck you taste good. Shoulda' did this last time" He motioned for you to sit on his face and you hesitantly switched positions. He layed against the pillow while taking his shirt off. "Now its your turn y/n" You stared at his lean form. His body looked so well built. "Y/n.. you just gonna stare like a loser? hmm... or do you like what you see babe?" he patted again for you to sit on his face and you did. slowly lowering yourself "Dont worry itll feel g-" You slowly moved back and forth as his tongue found his way into your entrance "K-Kuni~ Your tongue it feels so good~" "mphmm baby.. You like that..?" "Y-Yes kuni." You looked down to see his eyes slowly rolling back "C-cUhm on m~ face~ y/n" '??' You couldnt make out what he was saying as you we're so drunk in the pleasure coming from his tongue. You roughly grabbed his hair and began to ride his face "M-mPH S-SHIT Y/N-" Your back arched and smothered his face with your drolling hole. You chased your own high as kuni gripped hard on your ass, symbolizing that he couldnt breathe. "Y-yes kuni~ use your tongue for me daddy..Please make me feel good- I wanna cum on your face. please" your thighs began to squish his face as he couldnt breathe. "G-gnna cum kuni~ M' close daddy.. Im so close.. His vision slowly began to turn black until you came on his face. Your warm cum painted his face along with his hair looking completely messy. In shock, you got off of Kuni as he coughed, panted and breathed hard. "Oh no- K-Kuni are you okay? Im so sorry i shouldnt ha-" you looked at his body to realize the wet tent in his pants.
"f-Fuck y/n.. Sit on my face again."
A/N: TRIED TO MAKE THIS GENDER NEUTRAL AS POSSIBLE :((
#scaramouche smut#scaramouche headcanons#genshin smut#scaramouche x y/n#scaramouche x you#genshin x you#genshin headcanons#yandere genshin x reader#scaramouche#wanderer smut#wanderer x you#kunikizushi
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hi again! I'm the one who asked if you write for aaron himself, anw the fic doesn't really need to be a smut. butzzzz, what if aaron x reader were childhood bffs and when they went to highschool, reader had a crush on aaron and reader's feeling for aaron lasted for years, but then after aaron's taping on nowhere boy, reader found out that aaron is dating s*m? then reader decided to cut off ties with aaron so reader can move on?????????? then after years years later reader is also now an actress and is starring on a romance film with aaron, as the film was in progress reader's feelings for aaron is slowly coming back, and on a specific scene for the movie, reader got carried away so she accidentally "confessed" to aaron even though it wasn't on the script then than made it. to the final cut😖🤙
A/n- hiii! Also love this sm anon!! Sorry it took so long, I’ve been super busy ): it’s kinda lengthy but I hope u like it
𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧
You and Aaron had been best friends, ever since you both were teenagers.
You both stayed with each other through the awkward growing up phase. You two used to be inseparable, and stayed like that until he started to film for nowhere boy, where he was playing John Lennon.
“Wait, so you’re telling me that you’re literally going to play John Lennon?” You asked, with a smile on your face as you talked to your friend.
He smiled back and nodded. You both continued to walk and talk, you talked about what you auditioned for and he talked about how he was excited to play in the movie.
You both were busy filming, you for a show and him for a movie. So you both had been a little distant, distracted.
You sighed when you flopped into the bed, tired and yawning. You were falling asleep, eyes shut and everything, when your phone goes off.
You groan and pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
He says your name, and you automatically knew it was Aaron.
“Aaron! Hi! Oh my god, I haven’t heard from you in a while. How are you? How’s the film?” You rubbed your eyes.
“Hi. Sorry if I woke you up or somethin’. Im alright. The filmings almost wrapped up. How about your show?”
“That’s good. Today was the last day, so hopefully it goes good.”
“Thats nice.”
There was an awkward silence for a while.
“ I was wondering if you’d wanna hang out this weekend. We haven’t talked and you know-“ his British accent cut through the silence thankfully.
“Yeah! I’d love to.” You said, more excited than you should’ve been.
“Great. I’ll text you everything tomorrow, thank you. Goodnight, y/n.”
“Goodnight, Aaron.”
And you thought things would be great at lunch, but they got worse.
He told you about his new girlfriend, Sam. And you learned that she was older, way older than him. He had just turned an adult, so what the hell?
Of course, you’d been his best friend forever, and you’ve seen his girlfriends come and go, but this one was different, she was old, way too old for him, and the power imbalance was weird to you. The he mentioned how she was pregnant.
You tried to be supportive, but you couldn’t. When you got home, you cried into your pillow and blocked Aaron’s number.
It’s been two years now, and you had just got cast for Anna Karenina. You were playing the main character, and that’s when you found out Aaron was also on the movie, playing none other than your love interest.
The first day on set, you both were shocked to see each other. You glanced at him and he did the same, and quickly darted his eyes away.
Did he hate you? Did he feel bad?
He should, you thought bitterly. You looked over your lines, and after you were ready made your way to where it would be shot.
It was awkward for you and Aaron, both of you just continued to work professionally, however, on set.
It wasn’t until the dance scene that you realized how utterly in love you still were with him. It was a few days of filming now.
He kissed your hand, and you were gone. In terms of the movie and in reality.
You did as you practiced, but you’d practiced with someone else, and so has he. It was odd to be doing it with him.
You stared into his eyes. That’s when you realized in character and out of character, you were in love with him.
So you used that to make the scene better, he stared into your eyes the same way, but you brushed it off as acting.
The spotlight was on the both of you, and you couldn’t see anything but him.
Your palms were sweating, but so were his, you realized.
Once that scene was over, you both stared at each other for a moment in silence.
“Let’s take a break!” They said, and everyone went where they usually did.
It had been a long day. You both stayed staring for a good few seconds before you both opened your mouth.
“I’m sorry-“ you both apologized at the same time. You both smiled and laughed at that.
“I shouldn’t have blocked you.”
“And I shouldn’t have sprung everything on you at once.”
You both stayed silent for a moment again before you asked.
“How’s you and Sam..?”
His eyebrows furrowed. “Oh. Yeah. We’re good- fine.”
“And your baby..?”
He smiled at the mention “She’s good.”
“A girl, huh? What’s her name?”
He stared into your eyes again, with that same look as he did in the dance scene.
“Y/n.”
——————————————————————
And that’s how you were here now, months filming now. It was the scene were you told Vronsky, or Aaron, that your character was pregnant.
You were in a field, holding a parasol as you looked into the distance.
“Anna.” He said behind you.
You turned back, with a small smile present on your face, putting the parasol down.
“Alexei. What is it?”
“I couldn’t bear not to see you before the race.”
You smiled and practically ran into his arms, his hands rubbed your shoulders.
“What were you thinking about?”
His hand grabbed your jaw softly when you didn’t answer.
“Tell me.”
You stared into each others eyes. You passed for a moment before speaking.
“I’m pregnant.”
You stayed silent for a moment and waited for a reaction.
His face lit up, hand caressing your cheek.
“Oh, my love. Love was never a game to us. Here’s an end to living in corners. Existing days to days on lies. Now we can be together.” He laughed quietly.
For a second, you wished it was real.
“How can we, Alexei?”
“Tell him everything.”
“Do you think my husband will make you a present of me?”
“Leave him.”
“Leave him and be your mistress?”
“Yes. Run away.”
“I would never see my son again. The laws are made by husbands and fathers.”
He paused for a moment. Was that the only reason he was still with Sam?
“What then? I’ll never forgive myself for your unhappiness.”
“Unhappiness? I’m like a starving begged who’s been given food. I am happy. I love you. I could never be unhappy with you.” The last part slipped out on accident, it was not part of your lines.
His eyebrows raised, and you paused for a moment, looking at him for a reaction.
He leaned in, and you did as well. The kiss seemed genuine, not like the forced ones you’ve had while filming this movie. This felt real, full of actual passion and love.
The kiss went on for longer than expected, the people on set were eating every second of it up.
“Cut! Now that is how you act! Way to go, guys. Really great.”
Your cheeks burned up as you realized what had happened, you looked at Aaron and he smiled softly.
You both talked for a while, you both trying to ignore what happened earlier.
“Did you mean what you said earlier..?” He asked suddenly, right before you were about to enter your car to leave.
Your eyes widened, and you paused, and turned to look at him as he walked closer to you.
“Aaron-“
“I need to know.”
Y-yeah. I meant it. I didn’t mean to say it. And I know that you have-“
His lips crashed against yours while you tried to explain, it was passionate, and just like the one from the confession.
“I love you. I always have, y/n.” He mumbled quietly, hand on your jaw.
#aaron taylor johnson x reader#aaron t x reader#aaron johnson#aaron taylor johnson#count vronsky x reader#atj x reader#atj
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OHHHHHMYGOD. I loved ur clingy codependent bf azul so much. I literally felt a bit of anxiety reading it, I love azul sm hes baba, but the thought of him being this obsessed ans codependent is so nerve-wracking. you really wouldn't be able to leave him alone once he starts exhibiting signs of mental health issues.. and if this is an au where he has his canon octo form, then hes def the type to cut a tentacle or two of his just to "prove" how serious he is, knowing it will grow back eventually anyway so why not make the most out of it and scare the hell out of darling 😭
UGH AND THE WEDDING TRAPPING. and the fact it only spirals downwards from there. the door and knife scene literally made me pause bc omg.. I was not expecting it to escalate like that.. but it fits SO well!! and darlings realization throughout the drabble is honestly so upsetting because acknowledging that most of their attempts will be futile is so frustrating and hope-killing when they have a slimy and pathetic octo clinging to them 😭😭 and especially now considering how close they and azul are, legality wise. REALLY, I don't know what's so different about this compared to your azul drabbles, but it really had me pacing a little im ngl. maybe it's the fact hes way more blatantly insane and blunt with his obsession or that he's willing to go to more extreme measures? whatever it is, you nailed it and I absolutely loved it!!
and this on a different, more minor note, but are you the same author that wrote the ex scara stuff? reading the azul drabble took me back to this other codependent, obsessed bf drabble i read a few months back. it wad about darling and scara being high school sweethearts, but scara becomes more unstable throughout the relationship, so darling eventually breaks it off with him before going to college. only for ex bf scara to show up, feign innocence and squish himself into darlings friend group as a way to get close to them again, and it ends with scara also wedding trapping them. if u did not write that, I am so sorry 😭 the azul piece just kinda reminded me of it but theyre two separate things and I love each one sm!! srsly, your writing is so addicting I don't understand how you do it. and you pace things so well, like despite the azul piece not being a fully fledged fic, it still has nice pacing. it's not too short or too lengthy, and not too fast or too slow, it keeps you alert and eager to continue!!
AAAAA THANK YOU FOR READING IT!!!! I’m happy you liked it and that you could even feel anxiety from it!! :O I was hoping it could evoke uncomfortable feelings like that, so I’m relieved to know I could succeed in that endeavor!
An Azul who is so dangerously unhealthy and obsessed is always a scary thought. I wanted to write something where it starts seemingly innocent and then becomes something so uncontrollable, much like how most toxic relationships often begin. It’s small and almost cute until it isn’t—until you’re snuffed from the stifling nature of someone’s codependent behaviors. It can be stressful, so I wanted to portray that on both sides. Stressful for Azul because his tendency to panic and overthink when he’s spiraling makes anything like a day out with friends seem like a very stressful thing. Stressful for Reader because they’ve taken on the role of protecting Azul from himself (even though it isn’t a role for them to take on).
Reader probably likens Azul to a glass vase sitting on the edge of a cliff and one strong gust of wind is all it takes for that vase to come crashing down. But then Azul is also highly intelligent and he only takes risks if he knows there will be a reward, so he can peer over the edge of the cliff and he won’t fall. So if he does cut a tentacle or two to prove something to Reader (or scare the life out of them and force them to stay), he does it while fully knowing it’ll grow back. It still hurts, but then Azul thinks this pain is nothing compared to the pain he’ll feel if you leave him forever. “Leave” and “abandon” are so interchangeable for him. They’re somewhat similar words, but “abandon” sounds harsher. You can leave a person and all is well. You can abandon a person and that makes it sound wrong. Hurtful and villainous. It’s such a small thing, but it hooks you every time. Because leaving Azul makes it sound easy. But abandoning him paints you as the bad one—the one who abandoned him in his time of need.
And marriage trapping!!! He’s really so cunning, but Reader’s too busy trying to balance his breakdowns and keep him above the water to realize that beneath all of that he’s actually quite smart. In a marriage, it’s just you and Azul. No one else can truly interfere with that. And for Azul it’s easier to isolate you. You agreed to be his now. You agreed to live with and love him for the rest of your life. You said your vows. You kissed him in front of family and friends. You are a pair now, and that’s unbreakable. Not even divorce can save you because that’s an expensive and lengthy process and even if you did separate in that way you’d still be forced to fret over him and what he might do next. And that’s really scary! The idea of “okay, he’s done this terrible thing…but what’s next?” is always so chilling. What else is this person capable of? is a frightening question to ask when you don’t have an answer. When there isn’t a line to make a clear divide between the crossable and uncrossable or when that line is blurred, it makes it seem like anything is on the table. And since Azul is so codependent, there are always worrying mindsets like: If you aren’t in my world, I shouldn’t be here either. If I can’t have you, no one can. If I lose you, I lose a vital part of myself. My life hinges on you being here with me, so if you’re not in my life there isn’t a life to live. Without you, everything is worthless and meaningless.
Thank you again for liking this piece!! I’m glad it felt different from other Azul thoughts I’ve written. It’s most likely as you’ve said: he’s much more insane and willing to go to extreme lengths for the sake of his obsession. >_< this type of Azul is truly horrifying, but he’s very interesting to write and analyze like this.
And I did write the possessive ex Scara story!!! :D omg for a moment I forgot I had written it until you reminded me! I’m happy you like this one as well. Scara 🤝 Azul: codependent boyfriends who raise your stress meter just by existing. ^^;;;
Aaaaa thank you for thinking my writing is addicting and well-paced!! I’m glad it didn’t feel too slow or too fast as well as too long or too short!! I’m happy it can be an enjoyable, albeit anxiety-inducing, read!!!!
#twisted chit chat#also!!! please forgive my lengthy response orz#i love rambling about azul hehe <3
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20 questions for fic writers
tagged by @captain-hen @anxieteandbiscuits @lemonzestywrites @forthewolves @king-buckley @hippolotamus @watchyourbuck @shitouttabuck @lover-of-mine @thewolvesof1998 @heartshapedvows @jesuisici33 @hoodie-buck @wikiangela @monsterrae1 @exhuastedpigeon
thank you all! sorry it took me so long to do this <3
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
13
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
582,638
3. What fandoms do you write for?
only 911 at first but now i have a fringe fic and a wolfsong fic in the works
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head (eddie comes out to buck and to be supportive buck buys eddie a very gay mug)
today i live for a single drop of you (5 times buck dreams about sucking eddie's cock and 1 time he actually gets to do it)
when the violence causes silence (set after 6x10, eddie dealing with the aftermath of the lightning strike and working out how to confess his feelings)
we live and breathe words (buck finds eddie's poetry and realizes eddie is in love with him and decides to do something about it)
slowly getting sober from the taste of your skin (pwp, threesome between buck, eddie, and evil doctor buck)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
i do! at least, i do my best, i know sometimes i get the notification and look away and completely forget asdfghjkll, but i love responding and weeping about my gratitude
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
ummm all of my fics have happy endings sooooo i don't have an answer for this
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
ummm maybe red life might stream again because eddie and buck went through a lot of shit in that fic so i made it my mission to give them the happiest and sappiest ending possible
8. Do you get hate on fics?
i have been very lucky in that i haven't
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
oh yes i do. and i suppose it's very emotional and sappy smut. i do try to balance filthy and sweet
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
never written one
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not to me knowledge
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
me and @elvensorceress started writing a s2 rewrite where shannon lives that i absolutely adore, it's taken a bit of a backburner but it lives forever in my heart. also me and @spaceprincessem plan on writing one that im sure will be so very self-indulgent
14. What's your all time favorite ship?
gotta be buddie (though polivia from fringe is a close second)
15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
im not sure. i plan on getting all of my wips done at some point and i don't really think there is one that i won't (at least not at this point)
16. What are your writing strengths?
descriptions i think. i can paint a pretty picture and definitely have flowery purple prose. and a lot of people have told me i am good at characterization which i always worry about but am glad to hear that's it's something im good at even if i doubt it
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
i cannot shut up. everything i write is so lengthy even when it doesn't need to be. being succinct definitely isn't my strong suit. and uhh i struggle with writing dialogue because i will get lost in the character's headspace and forget people are supposed to be talking
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
i absolutely love it though i don't do it often because i get nervous about it. thankfully i have friends that i can ask if i am unsure about something and im trying to get more comfortable doing it
19. First fandom you wrote for?
supernatural
20. Favourite fic you've written?
gotta be to you i'm just a man (to me you're all i am) because i put my heart and soul into that fic and i really loved delving into the 118's dynamic and everyone's relationship with buck and creating new circumstances for eddie and buck to fall in love
no pressure tagging (and sorry if you've already been tagged) @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @bvckandeddie @colonoscopys @housewifebuck @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @paranoidbean @911onabc @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @try-set-me-on-fire @bucks118 @devirnis @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @transboybuckley @rewritetheending @eddiediaztho @callaplums
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Hello, Hello! Really big fan of your works. I'm obssessed with the YBOM series, everytime you upload an update I consumed it right away. sorry for the long message I just wanna praise you for your amazing skills
but anyway, I wanna ask whats your writing flows? like, how do you start writting your stories - especially the series one. Do you make an outline of the story until finish, do you just go with the flow or ? I'm starting to write as hobby but I'm not very consistent with it... Like how do you manage to be so consistent with writing while studying at the same time it blows my mind. again, sorry for the long ask 😭😭😭😭 im quite the yapper
first of all thank you so much for sending this, it's making me emotional. i'm glad you're enjoying YBOM <3
second i love asks like this!!!!! i'm very open and like to share my writing process and i have compiled a few examples of how my personal writing flows— and hopefully i can answer all your questions, the response is also fairly lengthy because i too am a yapper 🫡 and like the milestone name suggests there's a lot of personal lore here, anyways enjoy 👍
first how or where do i start? honestly despite me writing regularly i'm a mix of a vibe or mood writer and song titles!!! the ideas usually come early in the morning when i wake up or a thought before i go to sleep. most of the time these come to me during class hours and i write them instead whether it be in my phone or a notebook, or when i'm studying and i listen to a song and it randomly inspires me.
for the series, let's take doab since it's completed, the inspiration came from listening to the same some from patd! and it reignited something in my head and went from there
here are some original notes from drafting the series:
some things go and some things stay. the first two ideas at the start usually stay, and as the story goes i take liberties in changing the plot depending on how i think the driver or how i characterized the reader will react or respond to the situation in hand, so their decisions play a good part.
in greedy for example it was supposed to be a fwb to lovers with seb, but i scrapped the initial draft because it wasn't giving the way i envisioned. another factor is how i characterize the reader / yn because i struggle writing mean characters, and greedy was hard because i didn't want to write a mean character, i'd like to think i tried.
for my ongoing dilf series, it's definitely better because i've learned to pace myself (i definitely have not, but we're getting there)
for the case of ybom i thought of the initial plot and tbh ybom was just supposed to be a co-parenting fluff with reconciliation fic but as i wrote it, i began thinking of the reason as to why alonso and reader did what they did and we begin seeing the flesh of their characters
like the cliffhangers are on purpose, because i too have to stop and think what would be appropriate to push the plot forward, i realized that the ybom plot is all in my head
surprisingly it's shocking how i haven't forgotten about some ideas because i just write them directly and i haven't really written anything premeditated about it, except for the ending. here is the only page i wrote about ybom and it's mixed with other wips
one thing i realized while writing YBOM is to focus on a chapter at a time, but also to ensure that the small things the characters are doing will lead to a bigger picture. i have written a lot in the past and for different fandoms and even some original work, but i have never finished a single series in my name
the first series i finished writing ever was doab, and it was an epiphany for me, because i proved to myself that i could do it, and i could dedicate the amount of time i did, ever since i started writing in third grade, to have completed doab was a big feat for me
there's really only one story wherein i thought hard for the plot which is rlr, which is also why the updates are slow because this is my baby, and i have thought about this for so long, even though i'm not updating or talking about it, it's usually the one i keep making changes to
for the consistency— instead of focusing on consistently writing, my go-to is to take breaks consistently. writing to me is my break from studies and when i have time i usually write in my notes, a lot of the written parts in doab and ybom are written while waiting for the teachers, and in between lab work
also reading! when i'm in a slump i usually read other fics here, atm i'm reading: let me be your lighter @/nostappen and pancakes @/saintescuderia at idk if it's good to read when you're in a writing slump but i get inspired reading and think about what i will write next when i get the time.
being patient to yourself— some times you write a lot and some times you're barely writing and that's fine. it took me a while to learn that so now i'd like to think i'm better at managing my own expectations and choosing to stop when i no longer have the capacity to write.
and lastly to enjoy the process of it all— write what you want to write and have fun with it. not just writing but find a supportive community, i enjoy writing and sharing my silly little posts and talking to people here.
hopefully this has some semblance of understanding, and i made my point across with how i thought it would be conveyed? uhmm yeah, i hope you enjoy, this is vv lengthy actually now....
#★ the inbox#amgf ★ lore milestone#this is a quite long answer i hope you find the answers and what works best for you#hopefully this doesn't sound too egotistical of me but honestly i don't know anymore#i hope you enjoy reading and writing fics!!!#thank tou for sending and participating in my party hehehe 🫡#also!!! prompts!!! vvv helpful#and listening to music is one as well#okay that's really it all
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a bit of a message talking about inactivity and my possible hiatus. I dont know if this counts as a cw but i talk about depression here and there at the beginning (nothing graphic) and as usual, its a rant
im gonna be straight honest rn, i'm probably not gonna be active on tumblr for these next few days, ive been super up and down depressed and im just unmotivated and too tired to do anything, im still gonna check in here and there but dont expect me to reblog or reply to many posts, if at all. This could mark the beginning of a hiatus, but with mood swings and up and down depression, i could be back, active as ever tomorrow. Ever since ive uninstalled Sims 4, i did feel a weight lift off my shoulders, but simultaneously made me depressed due to the lack of... well... doing something, i dont... really know how to put it into words, its just something in my brain that i just cant explain, i guess a good way to put it is playing sims 4 gave me the motivation to stem off into other mediums, blender for example, gave me something to do, something to learn, and while i can still use blender, i just get progressively slower and slower at doing stuff in it because of my limited resources, some scenes i want to do require specific outfits and i dont have the facilities to make those outfits... i mean i probably do but i just dont feel motivated to do all that. I still play other games, ive been playing a lot of slime rancher 2 and have been trying to branch out to other games (indie games and bigger games), I want to post gameplay but if youve seen me rant about tumblr before, one of my biggest gripes is just how fucking annoying it is to upload images, so i just get completely unmotivated to post images/gameplay especially if its just some silly post. if uh if anyone is still reading this, ill be honest, i havent even been motivated to write about WAS at all, probably havent touched the planning doc in about 2 weeks. This... 'spiral'... has been noticeable for me for the last week as my sleep schedule gets swapped around from sleeping at night and awake during the day... to sleeping during the day and awake at night, this is all my fault, but its also just something that happens rotationally for me, i go from sleeping VERY early in the evening (6PM at the earliest) and waking at VERY early times in the morning (4AM at the latest) to sleeping VERY late in the morning (6AM at the earliest) and waking up late in the evening (3PM at the latest), i dont really know what causes the shift, but it happens, and i often blame myself for it even though i dont know what causes it...
anyways sorry, this will probably mark a very iffy hiatus, like i said ill be active but not... super active, i didnt check tumblr at all yesterday/monday, so thats kind of the pattern to expect from me depending on the day. In the meantime... i might try to get back into older sims games, ive mentioned this before, but i do have sims 1 on my laptop so maybe ill post stupid little gameplay posts from there (granted i havent played in like... a month 😐). I'll probably put up a poll after this post for people to vote on which sims game i should play- i KNOW i did it once before but im probably gonna do it again cuz i cant find the post and i have over 1000 posts 😭
if you read thus far, thank you for sticking around, if your a random person who read this for no reason... thanks? if your a follower of mine and cant understand where im coming from with this lengthy post, see yourself out or deal with it 🙃 otherwise, thank you all and i will be lurking about
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Has literally anyone in the band ever said they dont like danger days?? I've seen some gatekeepers getting on their high horse about how they only played one dd song last night and how the "posers must be fuming" and one specific person tried to argue that the members don't like it. But I physically can't find any evidence of it beyond the tour being a generally shitty time for them?? If anything theres more evidence that they DO like it? Sorry if this is weird or pointless but I can't tell if this person has actual proof or are just pulling shit out of their ass because they don't like danger days lol
UGH. im on mobile rn so im not gonna link to specific interviews but they all love the album and talked a lot about how proud they were of it when it came out, and how writing it was actually a very fun and harmonious process. it was controversial in the fan base at the time of its release (partly because of the major aesthetic change the band underwent, partly bc it was pretty heavily advertised in a way some fans felt was disingenuous i guess) and it undersold the black parade, and then their world tour following it also didn't sell as well as expected. they even ran out of money to make the third mv they'd planned in the na na na/sing universe, so compared to the black parade it was technically a commercial failure. in hindsight, gerard especially has said that tour was a very bad time mentally. it was certainly hard for both him and frank to be away from their children. but they were never anything but proud of the album itself and made that clear in interviews. the only vague negativity from the band i can think of was when frank did a lengthy interview for...i believe ap? in late 2020, where he spoke about his whole career, and touched on the breakup of the band. he mentioned being disappointed that they didn't end up releasing the conventional weapons songs and said he thought in hindsight they should have worked on danger days for a little longer because some of the songs as they are feel slightly incomplete to him, and that was one of his only regrets relating to my chem. The ONLY other thing is an offhanded comment their producer, rob cavallo, made when speculating potential reasons for the breakup, when he said that maybe in hindsight he thought frank was struggling to find parts to play on danger days. but frank himself never confirmed that (he actually made a point of saying there was no tension between him and ray during dd), and in my opinion his guitar parts are much more interesting and less sparse on most danger days songs than they are on most conventional weapons songs, so i'd take it with a grain of salt. i think the gritty simplicity of cw is just kind of more to frank's taste than the more instrumentally conceptual sound of dd, so offhanded comments he's made about that have stuck in people's minds as negativity towards the album maybe.
i for one am very grateful we got to hear conventional weapons in the end because some of those songs are up there among my very favourite mcr songs, but im inclined to agree with what the band said over and over again at the time that scrapping cw as an album to release danger days instead was definitely the right choice. it sounds cliche to say but it was definitely a bit ahead of its time. if my chem had come back from the hiatus with an album that was just a collection of really good songs, and not an actual event with a concept and aesthetic and clear thematic thread, i think it would have been a disservice to the band's core mission statement, which was always to be subversive and unexpected, and to lean into the weird and take the risk even if it meant being misunderstood. conventional weapons is great, and it even kind of addresses some themes similar to danger days (dissolusionment with the state of the music industry, life in that side of LA etc) but it does it without any of the grandiose metaphor and pageantry and uniting aesthetic that's gerard's biggest strength and a huge appeal of the band, yk? anyway. it's fine to not love danger days of course, everyone has their opinions, but it annoys me to see people putting words in the band's mouth. "that was a bad time in our lives" =/= "we don't like that album we created together." also they've played sooo much dd at other shows...you don't see anyone going around saying they hate bullets when they've played entire shows this tour with zero bullets songs on them 🙄🙄
#like if anything bullets seems to be frank's least favourite album but nobody wants to talk about that 🙄🙄#anyway bullets and danger days are in love and holding hands and mirroring each other and i'll hear no slander against either of them#even if it's from frank iero himself. but he wouldn't because he is proud of all of their albums#SORRY this got long again lmao sigh. but i feel you anon i feel you#answered#mcr talk
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helloo!! can i request a steve h. x reader where the reader is oblivious with steve's flirting and also because the reader thought steve is still into nancy that's why they disregard it. and the hawkins squad finds it funny that he can't pull the reader when he's been pulling girls left and right during his high school days, but everytime steve does something the reader develops feeling,,, this is so lengthy, im sorry.... and you decide what will happen next hehe~~ i hope this did not cause you confusion ♥️
SUMMARY: Steve finally gets a date
WARNINGS: none? let me know if there are, I'm never good at spotting them. Star Wars talk lol.
WORD COUNT: 563
Steve Harrington x GN! reader
Steve Harrington was…amazing. Y/N knew that now, knew that he’d changed, and was kind and brilliant and pretty -
They should pay attention to the customers. Someone had come in wanting to rent the Star Wars Trilogy, and they’d managed to talk for over half an hour, so now Robin had pushed them out during peak time as some form of revenge, Steve had offered to help while Robin hid in the back and Y/N couldn’t help the grin that overtook their face.
“Any plans this evening?” Steve asks as they stack VHS side by side.
“Na, just helping Dustin with something,”
“Really?” Steve is genuinely shocked “He didn’t mention anything to me,”
Y/N shrugs “I dunno, he wouldn’t tell me what it was about, I’m sure you can come”
“It’s alright, I was just going to ask if you could hang out, parents are out of town again” Y/N doesn’t notice the disappointment in his voice.
Steve had been trying to ask Y/N out for weeks, but it seemed they weren’t getting the hint. Steve thought they didn’t like him, but Robin assured him otherwise , all while the ‘party’ laughed at him, Mike being the worst. And now Dustin had invited them ‘round? Was he setting him up for failure?
“Steve,” Y/N taps him on the shoulder “You alright?”
“Hm, yeah, great sunshine,” he grins and Y/N feels heat rise to their cheeks
“Sunshine? That’s new”
“Mhm, because you brighten my day,”
God, he just loved stringing them along. No, no he wouldn’t do that. He’s just being friendly. Y/N was convinced he still liked Nancy, because well, she’s Nancy. And Y/N’s Y/N. They should work and stop worrying about love.
---&---
Turns out Dustin’s ‘hang out’ was an ambush. He sat Y/N down after a rewatch of The Empire Strikes Back and claimed they were in love with Steve.
“Look, I know I make fun of him, but he’s really helped me with my love life, and I have some form of responsibility. He’s useless,”
“What are you talking about Dustin?”
“Steve likes you! You like Steve!” at this revelation, he opens his arms out.
“Dustin…he likes Nancy”
He laughs. He has the audacity to laugh. “Dustin!”
“Sorry, but that’s ridiculous,”
“If you’re going to bully me, I'll leave -“
“No! No! I’ll drop it for now,”.
A few days later, Steve’s driving Y/N back to their place, Tears for Fears plays quietly in the background. Dustin had told Steve about his conversation the other night, and now Steve was determined to get the right message across.
“Hey, you wanna head to the movies this weekend?” Steve pulls in to their street
“Hm? Yeah!” Y/N turns to look at him “What’re we watching”
Steve shrugs, “We’ll find out when we get there,” he stops in front of their house and Y/N opens the passenger door.
“Pick me up at 7 on Saturday?”
“Perfect” Steve grins “It’s a date,”
Y/N stops, they were just about to step out of Steve’s car, but turn back “Like…Like a date date?”
Steve suddenly grows shy “Yeah…If you want,” Y/N doesn’t know what to say, He was asking them out, “I mean if you don’t it’s fine -“
“Yes! It’s a date date,” They clarify, grinning “See you on Saturday,”
“At 7,” Steve salutes.
---&---
Permanent taglist: @wizardwheezes @lem6ns @linkpk88 @haphazardhufflepuff @celestialevie @lam-ila @sorrow-has-a-place-here @bookfrog242 @delicateharrystan + @munsonsmuse (thought you'd like this one)
#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington x you#steve harrington fluff#stranger things x reader#steve harrington one shot#steve harrington drabble
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thank you so much for your (holy shit so lengthy!) reply. i dont take offense that they might not be interested, i reckon the vast majority of butch women are exclusively into women. and thats awesome for them! glad they know who and what they like, and hey, happens that it isnt me. sucks on my end but im not gonna throw a fit over it.
i guess i just wish it was less of a faux pas for me to simply ask, you know? people tend to react badly to attention they dont want, even if it comes from a place of genuine want for connection.
like you said, it's complicated to navigate, and the last thing i want is to make people uncomfortable or make a fool of myself.
im not giving up, of course! i still hope one day to meet the bear lady of my dreams. but ngl you just made me feel much better about myself and this whole thing.
thanks again for taking the time (and sorry i just dumped the ask on your inbox out of nowhere ^^')
hope you have a nice day! :3
No worries, it sounds like you’re on the right track! And yeah, it sucks but if it makes you feel better, the difficulty in asking is shared by others too. Groups that do not like trans women/transfemmes view transfemme wlws this same way. Groups who do not like multigender folks view us this same way. Even in lesbian spaces there is debate about MSPEC lesbians and definitions of lesbian that explicitly include men and THAT sometimes gets viewed the same way.
The justified concern about compulsive heterosexuality sometimes gets really warped into a weapon that hurts a lot of unintended people.
It’s messy and unfortunate that asking can be a minefield to navigate, but yes, I really do think that bear lady is out there for you.
Thank you for recognizing the complexities and showing respect and consideration. Not wanting to cause offense or make others feel uncomfortable is essential but also honorable.
Good luck! :)
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been thinking about dad matty (what’s new, miss him). imagine he was out somewhere, maybe had to run into the studio for a few hours or something. when he comes home he comes in quietly just in case, and he’s glad he did. attie is napping and the missus (finally he thinks to himself) is also napping with her, in their bed attie is in one of those little holder things so she doesn’t roll off or anything. he just basically comes in and sits on the floor to not disturb but to enjoy his girls being adorable. he knows the missus is exhausted she’s the one who is getting up to feed and he curses his biological parts every night and feels a bit useless. when attie starts to stir he quietly picks her up and takes her with him to let his wife sleep as long as she can, and when she wakes up she’s treated to matty with attie in the little wrap carrier (HOT!) making dinner or something. anywhosle i hope im not being weird and i hope you are having a good day.
real sorry for the mini fic i'm about to write because of this concept you sent in a literal month ago also you're never being weird i love these so much and i love you i hope you're having a good day <33
Matty walks into a quiet house, which is something he's not quite used to. To be fair, he hasn't had a quiet house since he moved in with his wife all those years ago, music always playing on the speakers around the house or out-of-tune singing, and then, a few years later, the patter of tiny feet scurrying around the hardwood floors. Matty's favorite sound, he would say. He wasn't meant to go to the studio today, in fact, it was supposed to be one of his only days off with his family before tour rehearsals started up again and he would be gone for a few weeks at a time before he'd see his favorite people again. He begrudgingly agreed to meet George in the studio for an hour, which turned into three, which led to Matty leaving a lengthy voicemail for his wife apologizing for his absence and that he really hoped Attie took a nap today (she's transitioning from two naps to one nap and it's quite literally killing the two of them) and he would be home as soon as possible.
And so when Matty walks into a quiet house, he can only assume that a miracle has happened.
Matty sets everything down on the tiny table near the front door and toes off his shoes before even creaking towards the stairs, taking his time and not uttering a sound while walking towards the nursery. Attie isn't in her crib when he peeks inside, and he can only assume that they're having quiet time in their bedroom. He walks across the hall, an immediate pull at his heart when he sees Attie splayed out on his side of the bed, his wife cuddled beside her, also sleeping. Attie's hair is messy and tangled in two pigtails - courtesy of him, this morning - and her pacifier is falling out between her lips. He leans against the door frame for a bit, simply watching, admiring the two of them. He takes a picture, saving it for later. He doesn't get to see nearly enough of these moments. He wishes he could.
Matty walks to the corner of the room and takes a seat in the rocking chair that he built a couple years back when his wife was pregnant, a permanent feature in their room because Attie likes to fall asleep being rocked, even at nearly two years old. Matty sits and decides to wait until Attie wakes up, to take her off your hands and spend some time with her. He's going to miss her, he thinks to himself, quite possibly more than he's going to miss anything else about home. He gets what Adam was saying, now, about it being a completely other feeling to miss your child. Attie and Little Hann are only six months apart, and he doesn't know how Adam does it. He doesn't know how he will do it.
Matty isn't sure how long Attie and you are sleeping for when he walks over and sits next to Attie. He doesn't keep track of time. He gently rubs her back, leaning down to kiss her forehead. He was going to walk away, to go downstairs and make something to eat, but he hears the ruffling of the blankets and a quiet, "Daddy?" before he walks away.
"Hi, baba. Have a good nap with Mummy?" Matty whispers, sitting beside her on the bed and rubbing her hair away from her face as she tiredly knuckles her eyes. "Do you want to come with me downstairs?"
"Carry me?" Attie mumbles, her eyes barely open. Her tiny fists reach out for him, opening and closing waiting for him to scoop her into his arms. Matty does so without thinking, settling her on his hip and kissing her forehead. Her cheek immediately falls to his shoulder, and Matty is sure she's going to fall asleep again.
"Had a good nap, huh? Have the little marks on your cheek and everything, darling."
"Mhm," she hums, smacking her lips together and grappling at his shirt.
"Going to let Mummy get some more rest and we'll make lunch. How's that sound, Attie James?"
"Okay."
Matty doesn't say much else, turning on a playlist and setting Attie on the counter with a bottle of milk, and getting to work on prepping something that they could share for lunch. He settles on a cheese toasty and leftover soup you'd made for dinner, a tomato bisque - your favorite. He thinks it'll be something nice for you when you wake up, a thank you for all that you've been doing. Attie slowly wakes up, easing into her usual routine of dancing on the counter (while sitting) and inching her way toward the edge of the counter, which always results in Matty putting her in her helping tower and saying that she lost her privileges. Matty has her try the spoon when it's not too hot, asking her to taste and sneaks her tiny bites of her grilled cheese while he makes you a toasty, too.
"Should we wake Mummy, Attie? I don't want her to sleep too late, then she'll never sleep tonight." Attie looks at Matty with pure confusion. "Maybe you're right, maybe I should let her sleep."
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Sorry if this is weird to ask, im a questioning system but ive been having trouble finding ways to understand myself & about others in my possible system, and i also have aphantasia, do you have any advice? (/notpushing)
not a weird question whatsoever! this may be lengthy so i am going to add one of those "keep reading" things to prevent a whole novel on someone's feed, lol. hopefully it works.
trying to determine whether or not you're a system can be a very long, slow, and frustrating process. for us it took years, and we are still learning new things all of the time, it seems. i don't know if you mean to also ask for advice on determining that, so i'll leave it out, but feel free to reach out again if that was something you were hoping for too.
because of that slow process, it's unfortunately not so easy to try to find out what works for you, especially when you have aphantasia, and, i assume, no vivid-interactive inner world, like other systems. (since we can't exactly just walk around and interact with everyone like we, i assume, could there. /lh) it really is just a process of trial-and-error, trying things and seeing what works, and what doesn't.
we have personally found that we learn best about ourselves and each other through fronting. it is a little broad, but, when we have no inner world or "place to go" when we aren't fronting, we only really have the ability to connect to and explore ourselves when we are fronting.
the same goes for learning about others in our system. we personally have OSDD-1b, and do not experience "blackouts" or memory gaps like individuals with, say, DID, would. we have a fairly consistent train of memory, although events do get kind of fuzzy after they happen (within hours). because of that fuzziness, it's not always easy to just remember things about whoever was here once they're gone.
we personally like to use Simply Plural (the app, but it has a website too). it's an app for systems to log who's fronting and make "profiles" for each headmate/alter. the app is handy for many reasons but we personally enjoy how it lets you add "custom fields" such as names, likes, dislikes, etc. virtually whatever you want, hence the "custom". this allows us to be able to list things about ourselves on our personal profiles, that both us and others can look at or reference later.
if something like that isn't an option, old-fashioned journaling could always work just as well for logging information about yourself. we just personally find Simply Plural more easy since we carry our phone basically everywhere lol
like all things, that can be tricky, especially for headmates/alters who do not front often, or at all. we have had alters like that in the past, ones who practically never fronted. unfortunately, we were sort of just left in the dark about them, or never even learned their names. we only ever knew they existed for the few moments they seemed to pop in.
it can also be tricky if you do have blackouts/memory gaps, or if you have alters who just don't want to log information about themselves, even if it's private. we unfortunately don't have much advice for that, since the first is something we don't have experience with and the second is sort of a just, "can't really force them to do what they don't want to, i guess", unless you co-front with them or are able to learn enough about them to do it yourself.
sorry for the long post. it's easier for us to add details to get our point across rather than summarizing. hopefully it made some sense.
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okay so no idea how i should refer to myself as so: hi!! im the person who had way too much fun writing ai/nino toxic yuri on ao3! i was gonna just lurk (me, tumblr account with privated likes, reblogs and follows) BUT how could i with the promise of people being normal about fictional unhealthy gay women. idk if this is the optimal way to communicate i use tumblr with the sole purpose of following 4 people and digging up ai content
i am honestly so flattered (but also kinda upset at the lack of content on them aside from my own 1k word long oneshot please keep recommending if you find more stuff on them) that you enjoyed and recommended my fics considering i just straight up had no clue where i was going: okay so top priority i want them to kiss —> but also with how things are nino would probably lash out (read: bite) —> ai would be hesitant but also is so desperate that she’d still accept it happily —> this will fuel ninos idea of ai being the perfect, invincible idol —> and then i ran and tried not to trip with the rest
your translations of the side stories and blog was probably what helped me get in to oshi no ko again because even though i am still not over ai being dead i can now listen to someone talk about how great and tragic and sad and miserable she was along with all the other characters so thank you again!
also that ask for ai/nino toxic yuri visions was me lol, thanks for talking about my fic despite how short it was <3, i might de-anon myself at some point but rn im too shy for that
woof, this got a bit long. anyways love wins fr, if there was ever a day where i participate in an onk shipping war it’ll be on the side of them
LMFAO OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY TO HAVE JUMPSCARED YOU WITH YOUR OWN FIC 😭 WHAT A THING TO SEE ON YOUR OWN DASH....
that said it does make me so happy every time I hear people saying my relentless oshi no posting stands out to them to the degree that it does lol. I guess I'm in a similar place as you where, as happy as I am for it, it does make me a little sad that it feels like there's such little fan interest in lengthy meta and discussion on Ai herself outside of some really banal, surface level stuff. To a degree, I get that with other characters having so much more time on the page and having ongoing arcs to speculate about, but Ai is sooooooooo fascinating to me and it really drives me insane how often I see people make zero effort to engage with her arc beyond her utilitarian function in the story. It also really bums me out how often I see her get reduced to just a stepping stone in the arcs of other characters — even though the manga is literally shaking you right now and begging you to understand and empathize with her more than ever, I straight up see people cheering and crowing about Ruby 'surpassing' her or 'becoming the true Ai' as if this is a good thing and they are not completely fucking missing the point lmao.
ANYWAY!!!! That's enough grumping because the actual point of this response was to say: the Ai posting will continue until I am physically forced to stop!!!! I have so many thoughts about my wife constantly and if I do not share them I will explode!!!
(ps anon pspspspsp if you are ever feeling brave enough to unanon pls feel free to just send me your discord or your socmeds off tumblr if that is less intimidating for u.... honestly that goes for all my oshi no moots in general Please Talk With Me In DMs About My Wife)
#oshi no ko#oshi no posting#if ai has one million fans i am one of them if ai has no fans then i am no longer of this earth
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Good morning/afternoon/ night! Im sorry to bother you, but I just finished reading youre," Broken Promises" post and I just wanted to say it was so amazingly good! I would like to ask if you could possibly make a part 2 where Steve finds out that the reader had left and maybe just the aftermath of everything. (If you mentioned/made a part 2 already and this is all non needed Im sorry I must have skiped over it lol) anyways, if you get to read this I hope you have had a good day and thank you for wrighting such a masterpiece even tho you said you didn't like it to much(which would be another good reason to ignor my ask)
Have an amazing day!(sorry this is so long. I've never made an ask before and I nerviously ramble.)
Broken Promises pt. 2
This took forever. College is a nightmare and I will never encourage anyone to go through it ever.
The whole fic's 6,544 words so it's quite lengthy. It's also unedited.
Link to Part 1: Broken Promises
Dear Steve,
I’m sorry.
I know my apologies are not enough and will never be enough. There is nothing I could possibly say or do that could absolve me of my sins. I—
The words were a pitiful imitation of her true feelings. She was never a powerful writer and though she hoped to send a message to Steve—even one that didn’t properly encapsulate her feelings—in the hopes that he may one day forgive her, she refused to send him this.
She let out a growl of frustration before she crumpled the paper in her hand and set it aflame, the temperature so high that it didn’t even leave a speck of ash.
Two months.
That’s how long it’d been since she last spoke to Steve, since she left Earth to become Queen of Asgard. Since she abandoned the man she loved to fulfill her duties to her people.
Two months of pain and misery.
Two months of teary nights and anguished mornings.
Two months of self-reproach and restless sleep.
She stood up abruptly, the chair scraping against the marble floor of her room. She only had one destination in mind, the same destination she went to every time she remembered Steve. Which, in truth, was nearly every hour of every waking day.
What was Steve eating for breakfast?
What was Steve doing now?
What did Steve say when he saw her leave him?
How did he react when he say her message?
Did he hate her?
Did he feel abandoned?
Will he ever forgive her?
Will—
She let out another frustrated groan before she stopped the questions that began filling her mind. She was beginning to spiral again. One thought led to another and before she knew it, she was curled up in a ball somewhere in the darkest corner of Asgard, bawling her eyes out as guilt, resentment, pain and hurt consumed her.
Her mother or one of her brothers usually went to find her when she was having one of her episodes. The thought of one of them finding her again had a flush of embarrassment reddening her cheeks.
She was never one to take note of the passing of time. As the goddess of the sun and of prophecy, she was aware that the future was not concrete and that time was fluid. There was also the fact that she was an immortal. Counting time was futile, at least she use to think so.
Now it’s all she did.
Two months, three days, 8 minutes and 12 seconds since she left Earth.
Days felt like weeks and weeks felt like decades. She felt as though she’d aged centuries in the few months she spent on Asgard and if it wasn’t for her reflection in the mirror every morning, she would have thought she’d look as old as her father did before he passed.
She grunted before her elegant purple gown burned away into her golden armor.
She just wanted to go hit something.
Or someone.
It didn’t really matter. All she wanted to do was find an outlet for her emotions before she set fire to the palace.
She was never a hateful creature but resentment had begun to build at her heart and seeing her brothers happy, or at the very least content, with their lot in life had jealousy writhing in her body.
She used to be happy once.
Now all she felt was anger and resentment.
She never let that cloud her judgement though.
Despite her father’s death and the expectation that the Nine Realms would fall in chaos as the crown passed hands, the Nine Realms was prospering. Not even Jotunheim had thought to launch an assault against her. Her kingdom was at peace, her subjects were happy and they would prosper and thrive.
She almost resented that too.
She never thought herself a hateful person but sacrificing everything she ever wanted, her happiness and a future with the man she loved, would have turned even a saint into the same bitter creature she was now.
She trudged out of her room, out of the golden palace and walked the long path towards the rainbow bridge.
She ignored her subjects as she passed them, save for a strained smile she let out here and there.
She was sure even they had felt a change in her.
When she was still a princess, she was beloved. Perhaps it made her arrogant to think so but the Asgardians did love her and she loved them in return. She would visit her people often, especially those of them who encountered problems she knew she could find a solution for. She was a constant in their world, or, at least, she use to be.
Now all she did was shut herself in her gilded palace or stay at the Rainbow Bridge.
She finally found her way to the Bridge and she continued her path.
As she walked, her mind fluttered from one future to another.
It wasn’t her future she was concerned with anyway.
She plucked each individual thread, scanning through the length of Steve’s long future.
Another surge of frustration swelled within her.
Why couldn’t she see?
A sudden needle of panic pricked at her. Could Steve be dead and that’s why she couldn’t see his future?
No. That wasn’t it.
She saw a glimpse of his old withered face, smiling. She couldn’t see who or what he was smiling at but it brought Y/N peace to know that Steve lives a fruitful life.
So what could be blocking her sight?
“You’ll tire yourself out that way, your majesty.”
Y/N hadn’t realized that she’d arrived at the golden chamber that housed Heimdall’s usual domain.
There he stood, his golden armor shining as brightly as his golden eyes, his hands holding the key to the Bifrost firmly.
Y/N’s once lurid purple eyes settled back to her usual E/C.
She regarded her old friend thoughtfully. “I guess it’s in moments such as this where I wish I had your abilities, Heimdall. The future is never set in stone but the present? How I wish I can see him.”
“He is well,” Heimdall said evenly.
Y/N’s come to interpret those words to mean “Steve is physically alright.” but something in Heimdall’s tone had a lead ball forming in Y/N’s stomach.
“Heimdall, are you telling me the truth?” Y/N said softly.
He seemed to hesitate, his gold eyes trained on Y/N carefully. As if assessing whether her reaction would be volatile.
A needle of irritation stabbed at her. Did Heimdall think her so weak?
“Heimdall,” Y/N said, her voice the voice of a regal queen. “What is it?”
“Prince Thor made me swear not to tell you. I apologize, my queen.”
“Fine,” Y/N bristled, her voice clipped. “Where is my brother?”
Heimdall hesitated again.
“Where is my brother, Heimdall?” Y/N’s eyes blazed, her irritation growing.
“Your brother is in Midgard attending matters with your friends.” Heimdall finally said.
Heimdall’s words were enough to harden the lead in her stomach, turning it into her solid resolution.
“Bring me down there.”
“Lady Y/N—“
“Heimdall,” Y/N said sharply, shedding the voice of a friend turning into the fiery queen. “I command you to bring me to Earth.“
Heimdall dipped his head in a bow. “Very well, my lady.”
Y/N stepped up onto the raised platform and watched as Heimdall turned the key, opening the Bifrost.
She let the large column of light and colors blast cocoon around her, her body suddenly traveling faster than the speed of light, Heimdall soon disappearing from her line of sight.
Before a second had even passed, she felt her body land on solid ground.
She smelled Midgard before she saw it.
It smelled of rain, petrichor permeating her senses. The grass was still damp in places where the Bifrost hadn’t scorched its patterns on the earth and tiny little dew drops refracted the light of the morning sun.
There was a notable chill in the air and judging from the yellow and orange leaves that were falling from the trees, it was the crest of autumn.
She knew the walk to the compound like the back of her hand and was half-surprised that she hadn’t triggered any safety protocols.
Her magic began to wrap around her body and a near blinding light surrounded her as her golden armor shifted into her Midgardian clothes. In place of her golden armor was a deep violet dress that reached a little below her knees, paired with golden sandals. She didn’t bother changing her twin swords and they stuck out behind her in a gold X formation.
She couldn’t quite put her finger on it but there was a strange atmosphere within the compound that she couldn’t quite place.
She walked through the front door, past the hallway leading to the kitchen and dining area and went straight to the living room.
Normally, the compound would be bustling in activity at this time, despite how early it was. Steve, Bucky and Sam would be back from their daily morning run, panting and sweaty but nonetheless joking around in the living room. Tony and Bruce, who would be working all night in the lab with Y/N, would emerge from their cave at around this time for a spot or breakfast. Vision would be preparing breakfast in the kitchen with the help of Wanda while Natasha watched on, occasionally adding her own input.
But instead, the compound was silent.
The living room was empty, or at least, she thought it was.
There was figure laying down on the couch, bundled up in a woolen blanket to avoid the frigid air. They had the blanket pulled over their head, giving Y/N a hard time to identify who it was. She approached the sleeping form and saw strands red hair peeking out from beneath the blanket.
She hated to wake Natasha but something told her that this was more important than her friend’s rest.
“Nat,” she shook the super spy awake. “Nat, wake up.”
This wasn’t the first time Y/N had awoken her friend. With Natasha Romanoff being one of the most covert super spies/assassins in the world, she wasn’t one to sleep soundly and unprepared and so Y/N half expected a knife to be pointed at her face or a half-concealed gun hitting her abdomen.
Instead, Natasha simply groaned, which worried Y/N deeply.
“Nat, it’s me,” Y/N said, shaking Natasha once again.
Natasha’s eyes fluttered open, her eyelashes hitting her cheek as she struggled to open her eyes. It seemed to take her a good 30 seconds before she registered who was standing before her.
“Y/N, oh my god.” Natasha leapt from the couch, her arms wrapping around Y/N’s neck. She moved so quickly, Y/N barely had time to adjust her position before they both fell to the floor. “I can’t believe you’re here! Thor told us he didn’t tell you anything and I was so worried I thought that maybe something had happened and that’s why you’re not here and—“
Natasha spoke quickly, her words stumbling over each other.
“Stop, Natasha,” Y/N gripped Nat’s shoulders and Nat seemed to sag against her in defeat, “slower. What is happening?”
There was no hesitation in Natasha’s eyes as she spoke. “It’s Steve. He’s hurt.”
A sudden ringing exploded in Y/N’s ears, drowning out Natasha’s words saved a few.
Touch and go.
Worst part is over but I’m not so sure.
We were on a mission in the Philippines. There’s an old army base there…
Natasha’s words were inconsequential to her.
This is why she couldn’t see Steve. Why all she saw were glimpses. His present was in mortal danger and his future slipped through his fingers like sand.
She looked at Natasha intently. There were bags under Natasha’s eyes as dark as the bruises that was peppered her body, an especially prominent one peeking out from the sleeve of her shirt. Her hair was in disarray, her skin paler than that of death. Y/N’s known Natasha a long time and something about Natasha’s unkempt appearance had a jolt of unease shaking her spine, making goosebumps rise on her arms. She realized that she has never seen Nat look so… defeated before.
“Where is he?” Her words were sharp, stone grating against stone.
Natasha didn’t even flinch at her tone. “In the infirmary, recovering.”
She left Nat behind her, stumbling up towards the infirmary.
She didn’t imagine that the compound would be so painful.
She saw herself here, happy and carefree. She saw herself with Steve in these halls, the way they danced around in the living room in the middle as he hummed them their song quietly; the cakes and cookies they snuck around behind the backs of the team; the treadmills they spent hours on, trying to one up the other; the meals they spent with each other in the conference rooms in an effort to spend some one-on-one time with each other.
And the hanger that kept the team’s vehicles where she last saw Steve.
Where she bid him good bye, making a promise she didn’t know she wouldn’t have been able to keep.
She pushed the memories away.
The past didn’t matter right now. The present did.
She managed to run the rest of the way to the infirmary, where she found the rest of the team gathered around Steve.
“Y/N,” Thor said in surprise when the group turned around.
Y/N didn’t spare her brother a glance. Her eyes were trained on Steve and his sleeping form. He was shirtless, his creamy white skin looking even paler than Y/N remembered. He had stitches on his forehead, a giant bruise the size of her hand near his abdomen and a giant sewn up slash at the other side of his torso.
Steve Rogers looked like death.
“He looked a lot worse yesterday,” Tony mumbled, as if sensing where Y/N’s thoughts were going. “There are some perks to being a super soldier.”
“What happened?” Y/N’s voice was as thin as paper.
Bruce made a move to answer but before the words left his mouth, Y/N simply said, “Scratch that. I don’t think I want to know.”
Because if she knew who did this, if she knew what happened, there was nothing and no one that could stop her from finding the people who did this to the man she loved and burning them where they stood.
“His vitals are stable,” Bruce said in a placating tone. “He’s just resting for now. We gave him some morphine for the pain but his supersoldier body burns through the stuff.”
For the first time since she stepped in the room, she looked around. She easily ignored the white sterile walls of the infirmary, of the hi-tech machines that she helped Tony built as they combined magic and science. She even managed to ignore the steady beeping sound of the machine that was taking note of Steve’s heartbeat.
Instead, her eyes swept across her friends.
They looked as shitty as Natasha did.
Bags under their eyes, their skin sallow and ashy. Bruce had a faint, five o’clock shadow beginning to grow at his face and Tony was sporting a large bruise around his eyes that had begun to darken. Bucky was there too, his face gaunt, eyes bloodshot. Even Sam, who was usually jolly enough to be able to lighten any situation stayed stoically silent.
Her brother was the only one of them who looked well rested but with the permanent frown on his face, Y/N could see that Steve’s condition was beginning to take a toll on him too.
“Was it that bad?” Y/N asked, her voice low and quiet, a mother coaxing answers out of her children.
“You should have seen the other guy,” Sam said. Y/N could see his concentrated effort as he tried to make himself sound better than he actually felt but Sam’s words fell flat in dejection.
Y/N frowned at them. “When was the last time you all rested?”
Bucky only shrugged. “We take shifts. Wanda, Natasha and Vision spent the entire night with him. It’s our turn now.”
“Did you actually sleep last night?”
Judging by the resounding silence that came from the group, it was a huge no.
“Go rest.”
Tony’s head snapped to her. “What? Y/N, you—“
“This is not a negotiation, Stark,” Y/N said firmly, injecting some of her queenly voice into her command, “go rest. All of you. Thor and I will watch Steve. None of you are allowed to come back until you’ve seen to your own injuries and you’re able to get a full 8 hours of sleep. I’ll have Friday notify the team if there are any changes.”
Bruce made a move to argue but something about Y/N’s expression had the scientist stopping himself. Instead, with stiff backs and tired forms, they retreated from the infirmary.
“Good to see you again, Y/N. Thought it would be under better circumstances but at least you’ll be he here when he wakes up,” Tony said with a sigh before he left, leaving Y/N alone with her brother and a comatose Steve Rogers.
It was silent for a while, the beeping of the machines that kept Steve alive the only thing that filled that the quiet void.
Y/N could feel her brother’s uneasy glances towards her despite the fact that her eyes were focused on the steady rising and falling of Steve’s pale chest. While she knew the real reason for the enmity that was radiating off of her was because the love of her life was knocking on death’s door, she couldn’t stop the anger that was directed at her brother as it filled her heart. In fact, she relished it.
“Whatever you’re thinking, brother, spit it out,” her words were short, curt. There was no mistaking the anger there.
“Heimdall told you.”
There was no question in his voice. He knew the words ringed true even if Y/N didn’t confirm it.
“You told him not to tell me. Are you my keeper now, Thor?”
Y/N could practically feel Thor flinch at the cold ice in her words.
“I did not want to worry you, sister.”
“What did you think would happen, Thor?” The Queen of Asgard turned to her brother, her eyes blazing. Her body was tense, anger and rage replacing the blood that coursed through her veins. The temperature in the room began to spike and Y/N watched as sweat began to collect on her brother’s brow. “That because I accepted the position as Asgard’s queen, I would cease using my abilities on Steve?”
Thor scowled at her, refusing to cower under her intense glare. “You were a ghost, Y/N. I thought it best you didn’t know, lest I wanted you to get worse.”
“Would you have told me if he’d died?” Y/N challenged, her voice beginning to rise as she spat out her words, “Or would I continue to fruitlessly search for his future, a future he would never have?”
“No—“
“I have sacrificed too much for Asgard. For you. For Loki and mother. You are my older brother and yet I bear the responsibility of the throne when it should have been you!” Tears had begun to sprung in her eyes, hot and wet, the trail it left behind scorching the skin of her face. She couldn’t stop herself, not anymore. Not after everything she’d had to sacrifice for everyone else’s happiness. “The one person in this entire universe that brings me joy was dying and you kept that information from me, Thor. Even to that, you felt entitled to. I could have been there, I could have helped him! I should’ve—“ a sob broke through her chest, choking the words she yearned the scream at her brother.
Her brother who got everything he wanted. Her brother who she sacrificed so much for to be happy.
Thor’s scowling face softened, which irked Y/N even more.
“Don’t give me that look,” Y/N said as she furiously wiped at her eyes, “I do not want your sympathies.”
But rather than fighting back, Thor reached for her, encircling her in his strong arms.
She tried to push away from his warm embrace, beating against the Asgardian leather of his armor but Thor didn’t even seem fazed at all.
She was stronger than this, she knew that. She was a warrior after all, one of the few who faced Thanos and live to tell about it. She herself has fought Thor at the height of each other’s power and she prevailed time and time again.
But she had no fight in her left.
Nothing left to give to stop the torrential rain of heartbreak and sadness that threatened to drown her, was drowning her.
“It’s not fair,” Y/N sobbed as Thor held on to her tightly, her fists beating against his chest. “It’s not fair.”
Thor held her tight and Y/N could feel her body betraying her, giving into the his hug. Her big brother’s comfort was unlike anything in this world and his hug had her knees buckling, her body only being held up by her brother’s embrace.
She could smell him, the scent of musk and cedar wood. She could feel his long blonde hair tickling her cheek as her tears soaked its tip. Y/N felt Thor’s arms tighten around her and it took her a while to realize that the sound of her sobs were drowning her brother’s words.
“It’s not fair.”
“I know.”
“It’s not fair.”
“I’m sorry, sister.”
“I just wanted to be happy.”
“And I will make it so.”
At that, Y/N pulled away. The tears that shrouded her eyes blurred her brother’s face but there was no mistaking the steely determination that wove itself in the wrinkles of his brow.
“What?” Her voice was small, quiet even, as she wiped at her eyes, seeing her brother clearly.
“I cannot keep seeing you like this,” Thor said as he rested his hands on Y/N’s shoulder, a grounding guide that cemented her feet to reality. “Seeing you mope around Asgard, cold and unfeeling except whenever you wish to cry, has made me realize something. You’re right, Y/N. It is not fair of me to rob you of your happiness. As your big brother, I have always wanted what’s best for you but fear for the future of Asgard has clouded my judgment. I let you take my responsibility, carrying with it all of its burdens and for that, I am truly sorry. You do not know of the future of my reign and though that scares me, knowing the present of yours, your misery and anger and resentment, saddens me. Sister, if you would let me, I will retake the throne and all the burdens that come with it.”
Y/N sniffled, surprised at all she was hearing. Thor taking the throne from her?
She waited for a sense of foreboding to come, a sense of jealousy and betrayal and yet she felt was relief. And guilt. Guilt that began to prick at her shriveled up heart. Could she truly ask her brother to give up his own joy for hers? Y/N was many things but selfish was never one of them. “But what of your missions fighting for peace in the Nine Realms? I cannot take that from you.”
“There are no more fights, sister,” Thor said, not unkindly.
“There are always fights,” Y/N replied.
“Not today. Not tomorrow. Your reign, however short, has strengthened Asgard. None of our enemies dare to make a move against us. I am free of my obligations as Asgard’s prince. Now I must take up the mantle and become its king.”
“But what if they attack again? If our enemies aren’t reminded of our strength, you and I both know they will attack.”
“Then we fight,” Thor gave Y/N a grim look. “Father may have been king but he was a warrior, stronger than even you or me. Should I become king, I will not abandon my people in a fight and I know you won’t too.”
“But Thor—“
“Y/N, I have decided,” Thor said, his blue eyes staring intently in her own E/C ones. “I love you. You are my sister and I have failed you by forcing you to take my responsibility. You deserve to be happy, more than any one of us. You have sacrificed much and have received too little in return.”
“But you won’t be happy,” Y/N insisted, “I would rather live with my resentment than my guilt, Thor. And guilt is all I will feel should you do this for me.”
Thor smiled softly. His eyes, clear as a sky on a beautiful summer day, was trained on her intently. “Sister, I wish for you to listen to me closely. Loki and I have discussed this and though I wish to take on the burden of the crown alone, I know you will not let me. So in this, Loki has found a solution. We rule, all three of us, together. There will not be one king or queen but two kings and a queen. Us. The three of us ruling Asgard as a unit.”
Y/N blinked back at her brother in confusion. A unit? “What? I have never heard of such a thing.”
“It is a good plan, no?” Thor said, his face cracking into a smile.
“It is unhinged,” Y/N said cautiously. “We would squabble relentlessly, as we always do. We will never agree on anything.”
���Which is why Loki and I have thought of a solution to that,” Thor’s grin was widening and Y/N had to quell her own joy. His smile was infectious and Y/N almost wanted to smile back at him. She had always been the more cautious of the three siblings. She was the smart one, the one who stopped her fighting brothers, who stopped Loki from stabbing Thor and ceased the bickering between the two. Y/N was the one who reasoned with Thor whenever he got too rough and was the one who listened to Loki rant about the unfairness of his life.
But this, this solution that her crazy brother have concocted could be the answer to all their problems.
Thor continued his explanation. “I will handle Asgard’s military exploits, as that is my strength. Loki will handle life at court as he fits.”
“And I?”
“You will do both. When you think either of us are doing things we shouldn’t, then your word will be the final word and we will stop.”
Y/N grinned. “I am to be your leash?”
“Yes,” Thor said with a firm nod, matching Y/N’s grin. “You will be our leash. That way, you do not always have to be in Asgard, only when one of us calls upon you to deal with the other. You get to spend time here on Earth as you see fit and Loki and I will accomplish our own duties to Asgard.”
“Father must be rolling in his grave,” Y/N muttered. “This is the craziest idea we have ever had. With the throne divided into three, our enemies will think us weak.”
“Then we show them nothing but strength.”
“And what of mother? What are her thoughts on the matter?”
“Loki has spoken with her and she wishes to see her children happy. This is the only way all three of us are happy.”
Y/N mulled the idea over. There was only really one way to know whether or not the idea will work.
Y/N’s face glazed over, her once E/C eyes turning into a brilliant violet. Y/N could see flashes of her future repairing itself back. Steve, smiling and happy, Y/N happy along with him. She could see heartbreak in the future, as that was inevitable with an immortal who loves a mortal, but she pushed that aside. She did not care about that for now.
Instead her eyes saw the golden throne room of Asgard. Her sitting in the middle, her brothers’ towering figures sitting next to her. Three glittering crowns rested on each of their heads, their faces regal yet kind. They looked like a unit and they looked… happy.
Yes.
That’s what that was.
Happiness was radiating off of the three of them like beams of sunlight that drowned out the darkness.
Gone was the coldness that Y/N had previously seen when she sat on the golden throne alone. Instead, her brothers and her was radiating joy, contentment, even love.
“What is it? What do you see?” Thor asked earnestly.
“A future,” Y/N said in a daze. Her eyes focused, losing its violet tint. “Our future. And Thor it is wonderful.”
Excitement lit Thor’s eyes up. “So this will work?”
“I’m not saying there won’t be hardships but yes. It will work.”
For the first time in months, Y/N felt something blossom in her chest. She felt the warm blanket of hope settle in her chest, filling the once gaping hole in her heart.
This time, the tears and streamed down her face was not of anguish but pure unbridled joy.
She leapt into her brother’s arms, squeezing him tightly as she breathed in his scent of cedar wood. She could feel the frantic beating of her heart, the ice that once surrounded it now thawed.
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” She muttered the words repeatedly, a reverent prayer that was swallowed up by the sound of her own blubbering sobs.
“For you, sister. Anything,” Thor said, hugging her equally as hard.
Y/N pulled away, wiping at her teary eyes. “We must draft the decree as soon as possible. We cannot keep our people in the dark about this. And the team. We need to tell them too. I want to live on Earth as much as I can and—“ her voice cracked, her eyes darting towards Steve, “—I don’t know if Steve will ever forgive me for leaving.”
“He will forgive you because he loves you, this I know to be true. Everyday I was on Earth and you were not were days Steve asked about your wellbeing. His love for you burns strong and if this separation has proven anything, it is that you two are meant for one another,” Thor said, his voice laced with determination as he pushed her back down towards the chair she once occupied beside Steve. “You will stay here. I will alert the team and then I will return home to help Loki in drafting the decree. We will declare the decree as soon as you can return to Asgard. Alert me if there are any problems.”
Y/N simply nodded, the elation that filled her chest now shriveling at the sight of Steve’s lifeless body.
Y/N barely registered when Thor exited the room and her exceptional hearing certainly didn’t register when he spoke to the team regarding her tenure at the compound. All of Y/N’s concentration was focused on the man sleeping by her side.
The steady rise and fall of Steve’s chest was the only thing Y/N focused on.
Humans were fragile beings. Even if Steve had the supersoldier serum flowing through his veins, even if was worthy of Mjolnir, even if he was stronger than most human beings, it didn’t erase the fact that he was still human.
Three weeks without food would kill him. Three days without water would kill him. Three minutes without oxygen would kill him. Time would kill him.
It was difficult to imagine that this man, this wonderful man who stood up against Thanos, who wielded Mjolnir, who fought against hundreds of alien creatures far more powerful than he was, could be defeated so easily. Seeing him this way, so pale and fragile had a snake of misery curling around Y/N’s heart.
She knew that death was inevitable for Steve. He would die and she wouldn’t. She would carry on living for thousands of years while Steve’s body withered into dust and bones. Even though Y/N was one of the foremost minds in the universe with both magic and science at her fingertips, not even she could stop death. Theirs is a love doomed from the start.
A sudden feeling of hopelessness slammed into her.
What was 60 years to the life of an immortal? For her to sacrifice so much—the throne, her brother’s happiness—for 60 years with Steve? She knew it was worth it but doubt had begun to creep in.
She looked at his face. He was serene, his eyes closed, his breathing deep. He looked as he always did whenever Y/N watched him fall asleep. Peaceful and relaxed. Well, with the exception of his stitched up forehead.
She brushed her warm fingers over is cold hand, feeling the rough callouses on his palm, the hard planes of his fingernails, the deep crevices that marred the surface.
She intertwined their fingers, her small hand feeling secure against Steve’s giant hand. At his touch, all the doubt that had crept in, all the hesitation and trepidation, the fear that had ice coating her heart, melted away.
Time with Steve, no matter how short, will be worth it. A human lifetime of joy and happiness would cause her an insurmountable amount of grief in her long immortal life for when Steve passes but it will be worth it. After all, what is grief if not a reminder of the love that had once permeated a person’s life?
She felt Steve’s fingers begin to curl around her hand. Her eyes snapped towards his face to find his wonderful smile, his beautiful blue eyes crinkled at the sides. His once pale skin flushed as color rushed to his cheeks, washing away the death that chased him.
“You look like you’re thinking of something deep.” His voice was just as Y/N remembered it to be. A deep tenor that knew the right notes to play in order to dance with her emotions.
She tightened her hold on Steve’s hand. “Queens are prone to fits of deep contemplation. It’s an inevitable side effect that comes with the job.”
“Side effect, huh,” Steve said as he pulled his body up in a sitting position. He didn’t even so much as grunt in pain. “I think I prefer being able to drink without getting drunk.”
Y/N was never one for idle talk and she couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Steve, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I left and broke my promise. I’m sorry that I was too much of a coward not to wait for you to come back. I could apologize to you for a thousand years and still not earn your forgiveness. I—“
“Y/N, stop,” Steve tugged her hand, placing a soft kiss on her palm. “I understand why you left. You don’t have to apologize.”
“Yes, I do,” Y/N insisted. “How can you forgive me that easily? I betrayed your trust!”
He smirked at her. “As far as betrayals go, running off to rule your kingdom after your father’s death is one of the nobler ones.”
“Steve—“
“I forgave you a long time ago. I understand why you left, you don’t have to apologize for that.” He tugged their intertwined hands forcefully enough that Y/N stood up from her chair. “Now, come here. I miss my girlfriend and I’d like to give her a hug before she has to leave again.”
Y/N climbed into the bed with Steve. She wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea for her to encroach on her boyfriend’s space after he’d been severely injured but Steve didn’t seem to mind. She also knew Steve long enough to know that nothing would stand in his way if he wanted something and right now, what he wanted was to hold her. She felt Steve’s massive arms wrap around her body as she settled into the warm blankets.
Steve’s scent seemed to envelope around her like a cocoon. She could hear the steady beating of his heart against is chest, could feel the rising and falling of his chest in time with his breathing. They lay side by side, her hand pressed against Steve’s chest, his fingers tracing a pattern around her back that had her shivering.
“You know, when you left, I almost lost my mind,” Steve’s voice seemed to rumble from his chest. “I was hurt. You left so suddenly and I had plans for us. You know, we even managed to get home early and I was so excited for the dinner I’d planned because I knew how happy I was going to make you. But then you were gone and the only thing I had left of you was a video of your goodbye. I was angry at you.”
“That’s a valid emotional human response,” Y/N said, pushing away her feeling of guilt. Steve clearly needed to get whatever he wanted to say off his chest and Y/N will endure whatever negative emotion she has to feel if it meant Steve would feel better.
Steve continued tracing patterns around her back and mind followed the trail of his fingers. Was he tracing dots and dashes on her skin? “But then I realized that it was selfish of me to be angry with you. For me to be angry at you because you ran off to do the noble thing of leading your people would make me a pretty terrible person. All I want to do now is to cherish whatever time we can spend with each other no matter how short.”
At that, Y/N couldn’t stop her grin. “About that…”
Steve paused, his finger hovering in the air. “You’re not leaving so soon right?”
“Quite the opposite, really.”
“You’re staying?” Steve’s grin was infectious and a smile began to pull at Y/N’s own lips. Steve’s finger continued to trace the little pattern he was making.
“Yes.”
“What about Asgard?”
“My brothers and I have made a plan. I’ll tell you later. Right now I just want to enjoy this moment.” She snuggled closer to Steve, letting the joy and happiness she felt run wild. It felt like centuries since she last felt this happy and the temperature in the room reflected her emotions. It felt like a beautiful summer day as the smell of orange blossoms filtered through the white sterile room of the infirmary.
Y/N had begun to decipher the pattern Steve had been tracing. Dots followed by a series of dashes. Was that morse code?
“Are you tracing morse code on my skin?” She peered at Steve through her lashes, an eyebrow raised in question.
Steve’s grin widened. “Yes.”
“What are you writing?”
“I love you.”
Her own grin widened. “I love you too.”
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