#9 and 10 are even more bullshit than the rest of the bullshit and it ended with BULLSHIT literal fucking bullshit what the fuck
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and thus ends tonight's blacklist shitposting
#incredibly vague the blacklist spoilers tag#at least i think that's the end of it#the absurdity of it keeps creeping up on me#honestly? the absurdity helps#because like... it's over#nothing mattered#nothing was answered really#i can live with that#more room for me#honestly that's all i wanted from the show after S8 just let me have my fic#and i got that so... i'm good? better than i've been about it in years?#is it absurd enough i could rewatch without getting bitter? dunno yet. maybe#9 and 10 are even more bullshit than the rest of the bullshit and it ended with BULLSHIT literal fucking bullshit what the fuck#not that i take anything after JB and MB left as having any real canon merit anyway but#it helps
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This anon know what is good, i guess i never make a ask so i'm doing now. Can u do that concept with any character (and mc of course) , may a hybrid? Idk, sorry if is confuse, a lil nsfw maybe?
-🍑
✿ 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙩𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙘𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩 ✿
characters: cat!6reeze x nb!reader
warnings: fluff!!!! fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff! also modern au!
notes: wanted to take a break from writing smut and take inspiration from my own fluffy bby for this one. also @junerixi , simping for only one☝️anemo boy is an illness. i hope you recover soon😚 honkai:star rail ver can be read here!
art by Mechodes on twt
oh gods
a menace
a complete menace i say
you know that thing cats do? when they just keep a direct eye contact with you as their little fluffy paw slowly pushes your potted plant or a cup full of drink to the edge of the table while you watch hopelessly bc your hands are dirty or busy doing smt?
yeah, it’s the 5th time the flower shop owner is seeing you this week and your wallet is crying
it’s almost as if you two were sworn enemies in your past life and scaranya is out for blood
doesn’t have that much of a zoomie episodes but when he does oh boy
you better retreat into a safe place but even then you’re not safe from scaranya’s terrifying zoomie powers
he’s literally running and jumping around everywhere
the table, on top of the fridge, the curtains, on top of the washing machine, your little bookshelf - everywhere
scaranya is such a little shit (affectionately)
his preferred way of waking you up is faking puking noises and when you throw your covers off and literally zoom into the living room, he gives you a look as if saying “finally awake, you silly human slave”
sometimes he even jumps on top of your chest harshly but that’s only used if you’re oversleeping with your alarm clock snoozed for the past 20 minutes and you’re running late to work
despises baths with a burning passion
if you’re taking him anywhere a large body of water is, he’s trashing around, kicking, hissing, biting, scratching - the whole pack
after a successful bathing time, with added new scratch marks on yourself, he would not approach you until you fall asleep
after you have fell asleep, he would quietly approach your sleeping figure and give small, shy licks to the angry red scratches he caused as if apologizing for being so aggressive
hates rainy days too, especially the ones with thunder and lightning
jumps up 5 ft into the air if a thunder strikes and runs into your lap, shaking small body curling into himself with all of his cockiness and pride out the window
scaranya appreciates you greatly but he’s just a bit too bad at communicating and so he shows his affection by lapping up the scratches he gave you
“scaranya, aren’t you gonna go out to the back garden and play with the rest? it’s nice outside today”
hmph! what do you mean by play with the rest of the cats? he’s a royal! he’s superior! scaranya has never heard of such bullshit befor- oh! a bird! must. catch!
scaranya and miao gets into fights sometimes and whenever you separate them, scaranya goes to sulk in the corner of the house silently
until you go over to him with a sigh and pick him up gently, he doesn’t even resist - just choosing to simply curl his tail around your wrist
a solid 9/10 kitty if he would just stop being a tsundere
art by Mechodes on twt
miao acts more like a guard dog than a cat sometimes
the smallest out of all the kitties yet also the strongest one. honestly the sheer amount of times miao has taken down a wild dog 10 times his size just keeps giving you more and more heart attack
doesn’t get zoomies, if anything he stops the other kitties’ zoomies if they go a bit too far - which most of the times escalate into scaranya and miao fighting
cleanse the land house through slaughter bug hunting
a sweet baby
miao’s preferred way of waking you up is to silently sit on your side of the bed and stare until you get that feeling of being watched and wake up to 2 piercing yellow eyes just staring holes into your soul
yes, you have yelled and fell off of your bed many times due to that
you found little miao at a dark alleyway, covered in blood and barely on the brink of death with his tiny paws twitching constantly
grew up malnourished on the streets with his 4 siblings dying out one by one, so due to that miao’s body is very small and he’s extremely territorial with you - his one and only sweet human
always leaves his scent on you by rubbing his head around your ankles
miao is indifferent when it comes to taking a bath, unlike scaranya, and he can be very obedient as well
when rubbing soap into his legs and washing his paws he would stretch out his limbs to make it easier for you to wash him - anything to lessen the load of his favorite human
he also seems to like your co-worker, zhongli a lot
one time you came home with zhongli due to a deadline of a great project coming closer and upon seeing him, miao immediately jumped into his lap, purring lowly, rubbing his head on zhongli’s hand
yes your heart broke at the betrayal and yes miao apologized with a dead rat in his mouth
but if it’s any other guests you’re bringing home, then miao would either get on top of the fridge and simply watch or hiss at the guest
oddly likes being in high places
one time, you made him a small necklace-collar thingy out of a few pearls and he wears that with pride, chest puffed out (a replica of his necklace)
loves sleeping on the lower parts of your bed at night. it’s soft, fluffy and he can keep an eye on you and keep you safe so it’s a win-win in miao’s book
“miao-miao, do you wanna come with me to the back garden to pick up the tomatoes?”
before you can even finish your question he’s already at the back door, staring at you expectantly with his tail thumping slowly against the floorboards
thanks to miao and kazunya your house will never get any bugs, roaches or mouses inside
if feeling incredibly vulnerable and soft, miao paws at your arm to ask for pets bc he just needs the comfort of his favorite human
literally a 9/10 kitty if he would just change his way of waking you up
art by ayon🌿 on twt
heinya is another little shit (affectionately)
he likes to cause trouble and drama here and there
also really enjoys spilling tea to you
it doesn’t matter if you’re waking up and is still groggy or just coming in through the front door, back from work - heinya is spilling all the drama of the shows he watched on the tv while you were away or the different birds he saw through the window - meowing away at you excitedly
another helpful hand
if you’re coming back from grocery shopping then heinya can take some of the smallest and lightest bagged things and dragging them to the kitchen alongside miao, kazunya and nyaether
heinya’s preferred way of waking you up is to make biscuits - you know that cute thing cats do with their paws squishing at their favorite spot over and over - on your stomach or lower back or! he just meows besides your ear over and over until you eventually wake up
the perfect alarm - heinya
he’s such a sweet baby
and heinya really likes watching real life crime documentaries for some reason
at first when you found this out, you couldn’t help but think heinya is going to murder you in your sleep but soon you realized he just loves crime related things
and bc he like crime related things, you bought heinya a cute spy glass shaped squeaky toy
when getting the zoomies, heinya decides to bite and kick at the spy glass shaped squeaky toy - making the toy let out squeaks at every little kick
heinya enjoys spending time outdoors, sniffing at the different scents wafting in the air, tracking down all different sorts of footsteps and paw marks with great interest - you sometimes wonder if heinya was a detective in his past life
loves to bring you all sorts of interesting things he found - an old ripped part of a newspaper article, a weirdly shaped leaf, a flower he has never seen before, a half bitten chicken still warm - wait where’d he get this?
loves to sleep using your hand as a pillow my cat does that to me so rip bc you have been captured by the amazing detective heinya and you won’t be moving for hours on end, let’s hope you had a nice snack and a toilet break beforehand
chose to wear the smooth, black satin you tied around his neck as a collar - either bc he loves to wear soft things or he just loves it bc you gave it to him
heinya is an incredibly affectionate kitty, always meowing for you for pets, cuddles and perhaps his favorite soft wet food? he’s been really good!
doesn’t really mind taking baths as well, if anything he uses this opportunity to shake bubbles everywhere!
for some reason, also loves to groom your hand. maybe it’s just something your kitties all share?
overall another solid 9/10 kitty, if you don’t mind being splashed with water and bubbles while bathing him
art by @bbadtime on tumblr
kazunya, me beloved
literally an angel, how could you ever be mad at him even as he took a whole bite out of your potted plants’ leaf?
another kitty that loves staying in high places like miao and stay outdoors like heinya
joins miao on his duty to cleanse the land house through slaughter bug hunting from time to time
a lazy, sweetheart of a cat that loves to sleep on warm places and the sunlight - you literally had to buy a window sling just for him to nap under the sunlight
another helpful hand!
will drag the lightest and smallest bagged things to the kitchen whenever you come back from grocery shopping - more so if it’s cat food
isn’t a picky eater but sometimes, just sometimes, prefers food with fish in it’s ingredients
kazunya is mostly tasked to wake you up by the other kitties bc he’s the sweetest
wakes you up by purring and snuggling with your face, neck, hands - anything just you in general
soon enough, the small fluff purring and cuddling you wakes you up and as a reward for waking up, kazunya gives you a small kiss - a lick to the tip of your nose - making you laugh
doesn’t meow a lot, only when he has to or if it’s an emergency such as the litter boxes not being cleaned, the food trays being empty etc
always gives you a kazunya kiss as a thank you
a gentle baby, even to the guests
whenever a guest comes over to your house, they always gush about the cute white cat with a small red streak in his fur
kazunya doesn’t get zoomies. even if he does it’s rare like only once a week
always grooms himself to keep himself clean, not to mention his white fur sparkling as well
surprisingly enjoys bath times, would even suggest you to bathe him by tugging on your sleeve then pointing to the bathroom with his fluffy paw!
however there’s just one thing that kazunya does that makes you shiver
it’s that he always, always! brings you dead animals or bugs. birds, rats, mouses, cockroaches, crickets - anything that he managed to hunt - he brings over to you with his tail swishing happily behind him
it’s considered a gift in cat language, you know that! but it’s just a bit dirty especially if he brings over different bugs. the rats, mouses and birds you can handle but the bugs brrr
one time, kazunya proudly brought you a dead wolf spider as you held back a tear and a screech, deciding to take his gift with a forced smile
you never recovered from that
a 10/10 kitty if he would just stop bringing you dead spide - kazunya is that a mf dead tarantula in your mouth?
art by os_Amaniwa on twt
another best kitty!
a sweet kitty that never complains!
helpful, never complains, never picky with his food - a literal angel
however sometimes nyaeather disappears randomly, coming back after a day or so
he always seems to be searching for something - his twin - you soon found out, by registering him and getting his pet password
and so you decided to help him reunite with his twin by putting up posters, articles, news on the internet, tv, radio - anything to make nyaether happy
after a whole half year of dedication and endless search, nyaether’s twin was finally found!
turns out the person who adopted nyaether’s twin was your co-worker, dainsleif, the quiet and mysterious tall man
after talking to him about the situation of the twin kitties, you both have come to an agreement to let the kitties have a play date once a week
when the day of the first play date has arrived an someone knocked on your door, your kitties gave you a confused look
upon taking nyaether in your arms, you walked over to the front door before unlocking it and letting dainsleif inside. as the blond man placed down the catbag and opened it, from inside stepped out a cute, similarly blonde furred kitty with a baby blue colored collar
upon seeing the kitty, nyaether jumped out of your arms and tackled his twin. cuddling her and licking at her face with a teary eyes - you and your co-worker dainsleif couldn’t help but laugh at the adorable situation
since then nyaether had made a silent oath to always be beside you and be your best kitty! you have done a lot for him by helping him reunite with his twin - nyumine - so he would do anything in his power to lessen your load!
nyaether’s preferred way of waking you up is by giving a gentle meow beside your ear and give your cheek three kisses - repeat the process on the other side until you eventually giggle and wake up
another kitty that doesn’t mind taking baths! however he just prefers the water to have a bit of bubbles to soothe his nerves
likes to sleep in your arms since he has separation anxiety like scaranya - due to the incident with his twin
“nyaether, keep the others in check okay? i’m going out on a quick grocery shopping!”
“myaaa!”
such a sweet baby🥹
his meows are higher pitched and not full “meow” like kazunya or miao’s instead it’s a short “myaa!”
a solid 11/10 kitty. highly recommend, get yourself a nyaether today!
art by os_Amaniwa on twt
a little shit AND a menace (affectionately)
very hyper too! sometimes you wonder if nyenti has ADHD but in cat version
it’s like he’s always in his zoomie mode as if to make up for having 2 kitties that barely has zoomies - which are miao and kazunya
his affectionate attitude doesn’t help as well
twirling, rubbing himself on your lap, hand, bageling his way around you - he’s always sticking close to you 24/7
one time as nyenti was rubbing himself on your hand while you were working on your computer for an important document, he tripped and fell on your keyboard - deleting your entire progress of work with a “myeeew!”
yes, you cried that night
unlike heinya, nyenti doesn’t really enjoy being outdoors - he just prefers to stay on your lap, lazily bathing in the sun - as he sometimes meows with heinya about some dramas
another kitty that loves to spill the tea to you
him and heinya meows your ears off with the things they have seen, watched, witnessed and heard - sometimes even adding some dirt on the other kitties such as kazunya eating leaves from your potted plants, scaranya sleeping on your hoodie bc he missed you, miao destroying the pantry during his duty to cleanse the land etc etc etc
nyenti’s preferred way of waking you up is to play with your hair. whether it be grooming at your hair, playing with them, tugging on the ends gently - it doesn’t matter which form - as long as nyenti wakes you up, that’s all
he also doesn’t do much hunting either, preferring to watch from the sidelines as the others chase some bugs and small animals they found
for some odd reason nyenti likes you to put flowers on top of his head or a flower shaped charms as a collar - his most favorite and preferred one being the white lily
cut the flower's bud and place it on top of nyenti upside down like it's a cone hat and nyenti would give you the biggest, affectionate "myew!" while rolling around on the ground, showing you his tummy
a sweet kitty if he would just stop being a little zoomie induced shit
nyenti is another kitty that hates taking baths
doesn't react as aggressive as scaranya but he likes to yell his defiance a lot and i mean a lot
overall, a solid 8.5/10 kitty if he would just stop meowing loudly in your ears everytime you take him for a bathtime, making you more and more deaf
#nobu.writes#genshin impact x reader fluff#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader fluff#genshin x reader#genshin fluff#genshin x you#genshin x you fluff#genshin x y/n#genshin x y/n fluff#genshin drabbles#xiao x reader#xiao x reader fluff#xiao x you#xiao x y/n#scaramouche fluff#scaramouche x you#scaramouche x reader fluff#scaramouche x you fluff#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche x y/n#kazuha x y/n#kazuha x reader#kazuha x you#genshin imagines#aether x reader#aether x you#traveler x reader#heizou x reader fluff#heizou x reader
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Overslept
She was going to be upset. I was so late meeting up with her and I knew it. Though I knew she would understand when I explained everything and how late I got in last night, I hated making her wait knowing she had other things to do today. I glanced at my phone as it buzzed, revealing a text from YN. *I’ll be there in like 10 minutes, sorry.* I quickly typed back, my fingers tapping on the screen with ease. YN and I had been best friends for years, and we had sparked up a weekly tradition of meeting at the same coffee shop at 9:00 am every Saturday morning.
As I walked into the cozy café, the smell of freshly brewed coffee hit me, instantly awakening my senses. YNN was already sitting at our favorite corner booth, her bright smile lighting up the room. I couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort and joy whenever I was around her.
"Well, you sure took your sweet time," YN teased, raising an eyebrow playfully. She always had a way of making me feel at ease, even on the toughest of days.
I chuckled, sliding into the booth across from her. "Sorry, I worked on paperwork for the last case we went on until like one in the morning and didn’t get home and in bed until two," I explained, shrugging my shoulders. "I overslept. I’m sorry, YNN."
YN nodded, taking a sip of her steaming hot coffee. "No worries, Luke. I actually don’t have anything else planned for the day so it’s all good." Her voice was laced with warmth and understanding.
I grinned, grateful for her patience. "So, what's new with you?" I asked, genuinely interested in catching up with her.
YNN leaned back, crossing her arms. "Well, you remember that art exhibit I told you about? Turns out, I got accepted! I’m starting to get the pieces I want shown together, I just haven’t decided on the last few yet." Her eyes sparkled with excitement, and I couldn't help but feel proud of her.
"That's amazing, YNN!" I exclaimed, unable to contain my excitement. "I always knew you had talent. You're going to be a big name in the art world someday."
YN blushed, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "Thanks, Luke. Your support means the world to me."
I reached across the table, gently squeezing her hand. "You don't have to thank me, YN. As your best friend, it’s my job to support you in everything you try to achieve and call you out on your bullshit the rest of the time. You do the same for me."
She smiled warmly; her eyes filled with gratitude. "I know, Luke. And I appreciate it more than you'll ever know."
#ruby arrows#ruby arrows imagines#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds imagines#criminal minds fanfiction#luke alvez#luke alvez x reader#luke alvez imagine#luke alvez imagines#luke alvez fanfiction
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RWRB Quotes that speak to me on this really fucking shitty day
Hey, have I told you lately that you're brave? I still remember what you said to that little girl in the hospital about Luke Skywalker:"He's proof that it doesn't matter where you come from or who your family is." Sweetheart, you're proof too.
It is, indeed, bullshit. It's all I can do not to pack a bag and be gone forever. Perhaps I could live in your room like a recluse. You could have food sent up for me, and I'll be lurking in disguise in a shadowy corner when you answer the door. It'll all be very dreadfully Jane Eyre
I'm afraid, though, I'm stuck here. Gran keeps asking Mum when I'm going to enlist, and did I know Philip had already served a year by the time he was my age. I do need to figure out what I'm going to do, because I'm certainly closing in on the end of what's an acceptable amount of time for a gap year. Please do keep me in your- what is it American politicians say?-thoughts and prayers
It drives me nuts sometimes that you don't get to have more say in your life. When I picture you happy, I see you with your own apartment somewhere outside of the palace and a desk where you can write anthologies of queer history. And I'm there, using up your shampoo and making you come to the grocery store with me and waking up in the same damn time zone with you every morning.
Have you ever had something go so horribly, horribly, unbelievably badly that you'd like to be loaded into a cannon and jettisoned into the merciless black maw of outer space?
I wonder sometimes what is the point of me, or anything. I should have just packed a bag like I said. I could be in your bed, languishing away until I perish, fat and sexually conquered, snuffed out in the spring of my youth. Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock.
Specifically, we were discussing enlistment, Philip and Shaan and I, and I told Philip I'd rather not follow the traditional path and that I hardly think I'd be useful to anyone in the military. He asked why I was so intent on disrespecting the traditions of the men of this family, and I truly think I dissociated straight (ha) out of the conversation, because I opened my blasted mouth and said, "Because I'm not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip."
Once Shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier, Philip had quite a few words for me, some of which were "confused or misguided" and "ensuring the perpetuity of the bloodline" and "respecting the legacy." Honestly, I don't recall much of it. Essentially, I gathered that he was not surprised to discover I am not the heterosexual heir I'm supposed to be, but rather surprised that I do not intend to keep pretending to be the heterosexual heir I'm supposed to be.
Sometimes I imagine moving to New York to take over launching Pez's youth shelter there. Just leaving. Not coming back. Maybe burning something down on the way out. It would be nice.
9. How hard you try
10. How hard you've always tried.
11. How determined you are to keep trying.
give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there's so much of you.
They all turn to look at him, and Alex feels a wave of something so much bigger than himself sweep over him, like when he was a child standing bowlegged in the Gulf of Mexico, rip-tide sucking at his feet. A sound escapes his throat uninvited, something that he barely even recognizes, and June has him first, then the rest of them, arms and arms and hands and hands, pulling him close and touching his face and moving him until he's on the floor, the goddamn terrible hideous antique rug that he hates, sitting on the floor and staring at the rug and the threads of the rug and hearing the Gulf rushing in his ears and thinking distantly that he's having a panic attack, and that's why he can't breathe, but he's just staring at the rug and he's having a panic attack and knowing why his lungs won't work doesn't make them work again.
He's faintly aware of being shifted into his room, to his bed, which is still covered in the godforsaken fucking newspapers, and someone guides him onto it, and he sits down and tries very, very hard to make a list in his head.
One.
One.
One
Once upon a time, there was a young Prince, who was born in a castle. And there had never been a prince quite like him: he was born with his heart on the outside of his body.
Whereas the other princes and noble children could withstand the slings and arrows of childhood, the Prince felt everything acutely. Everything seemed to touch and threaten his unprotected heart.
Oh for Christ sake Alex, for once! I wish you could see me for who I am and not who you want me to be! Sometimes, I don't think you know me at all!
I wasn't raised by a loving, supportive family like you were!
Nothing will ever happen to you.
I don't want your protection, I want your support.
#rwrb#red white and royal blue#rwrb movie#alex claremont diaz#henry fox mountchristen windsor#henry hanover stuart fox#firstprince#book quotes#personal#i can't anymore
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Nobody's Fool: Chapter 11
Pairing: EddieXReader
Summary: You have bartended for years after you were forced to drop out of college due to family circumstances. You have dated your fair share of musicians, had your heart broken by one particular one, and have learned they are not be trusted. You have sworn off of them for the rest of your life. Then, one night, a new band plays at the bar, and against your better judgement, you can't help noticing the lead singer and guitar player. Could he possibly be different from the ones who came before him?
Warnings: 18+ Only due to eventual smut and language. There is also a toxic family relationship with a narcissistic mother if that is triggering for you.
MasterList
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28
You stood out front, staring up at your mom’s house. It had been two weeks since you'd had to bail her out of jail and your mom was supposed to attend her court hearing tomorrow. You knew your mom’s track record with those, but you also knew the judicial system of this town was getting pretty tired of her shit and this time she could wind up in prison if she didn’t show.
This was the last thing you wanted to do. You had been avoiding your mother since that night. Instead, all of your free time had been filled with Eddie. You spent every minute you weren’t together wishing that you were and you were teetering dangerously on the edge of not being able to maintain the line between wading in the shallows and undeniably in way too deep, drowning, unable to keep your head above water. You weren't sure how you felt about it. It scared you but not enough to stay away from him.
He had come to your apartment a couple of nights ago and you had just had some snacks, cuddled up, and watched a couple of movies. Yet again, he didn't make a move for anything more than kissing and it was confusing the hell out of you. Jen had gotten home and wound up joining you and her and Eddie hit it off immediately. They got along like old friends. They teased each other playfully and laughed. Jen shared some embarrassing stories about you and Eddie loved every second. You, not so much.
You'd even hung out with his group of friends a couple of times and, though you'd been nervous as hell, you absolutely loved them. It was like you had all known each other forever instead of just meeting. His group were some of the nicest, easiest people to talk with. They had welcomed you in the fold with open arms. Every time you turned around, Eddie was finding some new way to show you that he was perfect and not at all like what you'd believed.
Hadn’t you been the one to tell him that people in high school were bullshit because they looked at him and thought they knew who he was based on how he looked? Weren't you doing the exact same thing? He didn���t resemble Sebastian in the slightest, his coffee-colored brown eyes and wavy brown hair that caressed his shoulders a far cry from Sebastian’s ocean blue eyes and blond hair that fell like a waterfall, straight down to his ass. But still, you had looked at him and seen a rocker, an asshole with a guitar who was in it to use girls like gum. Chew on them for a while until the flavor gets a bit bland and then throw them on the ground before searching for a new piece.
Eddie wasn’t like that. At least, you didn’t think so and if he was, well he was playing a pretty long game at this point. Most guys would have moved on to an easier target by now. You still hadn’t slept with him, not for lack of desperately wanting to, but, for one, he hadn't even made a move. And second, because you feared the minute you did, either you would be completely head over heels for him or he would be gone. Sex only stayed exciting for so long. Sebastian decided after six months that he needed something fresh but you didn’t find out until after nine months. The other guys had their fun with you on the first night and were done with you by morning, onto the next pursuit. Would Eddie do the same?
You really didn’t think he would, but how were you supposed to know for sure? There was no way to know for sure besides jumping into it and seeing what happened. The uncertainty scared the shit out of you. You had thought you and Sebastian were in love. If someone had told you that he would screw around on you, you would have said they were crazy because the two of you were meant to be. He'd said it himself. Turned out, you were too in love to be unfaithful and also too in love to see what was right in front of your face. You’d walked in after work one night and there he was, buried deep inside some redhead with big boobs on his bed, the bed you'd shared with him for months. He’d tried to explain it away. He loved you but he wasn’t made to be monogamous. He needed variety but it was just sex. It didn't mean anything. He only wanted to be in a relationship with you. It was all bullshit. You could never be with someone who was with other people.
You shook her head, trying to clear it. You could not afford to be distracted right now. You were going to need all of your faculties to deal with your mother. You looked at the house one more time, this house that had not been your safe place like a home should be. It had been the place you had avoided at all costs. Just walking up to it made you feel sick to your stomach because you knew you were willingly walking into being verbally and emotionally abused, something you hadn't known was even happening until a high school counselor put words to it. It was only ten in the morning but chances were, your mother was already drunk, and her mean words took on a whole new level of nasty when she had the assistance of her buddy, Jim Beam.
You turned the doorknob and the door instantly fell open. Your mother never locked the door, not aware enough to remember. You had said something to her before only to be berated for thinking your mother was stupid.
Your mom sat in a chair, a half empty bottle of liquor in her hand, her fingers wrapped tightly around the neck. She was watching some trash talk show on tv and didn’t even glance up when you walked into the room. You weren't sure if it was because she just knew it was you or if she just didn’t care or if she was too drunk to even be aware.
“Mom?” you asked softly.
“Is that my daughter?” she questioned, words muddled together. “What an honor to get blessed with your presence, the daughter who hasn’t had the time to visit me in weeks.”
“I’m sorry,” you responded. “I have been really busy with work and everything.”
“Mmm…I bet. You can’t possibly take care of the woman who gave up everything to give you life,” your mom sneered, bringing the bottle to her lips to take another swig. “Revolving door of losers coming through your bedroom keeping you pretty busy, huh? Can’t find time for anything other than being a whore?”
“Jesus,” you muttered, pressing the heel of your hand against your forehead, trying to push back the tension headache that always arose when you had to deal with her. Honestly, what did you expect? Of course your mom was going to jump right into shredding you apart. That's what she did best, what she enjoyed the most. “I just came to remind you that you have your court hearing tomorrow.”
“And?”
“And if you don’t go, you are going to wind up in prison this time,” you stated, hoping to get through to her. “I can come over in the morning and help you get ready so you at least look presentable in front of the judge.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jodi yelled, swinging the bottle around. “Are you saying I don’t look good? Saying I don't know how to dress myself? Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Mom, you can’t walk into court without showering and putting on some nicer clothes.”
“Ohh…miss judgy walking in here like she’s so perfect, telling me I need to try to look better. You’re going to save me? Go to hell. You think you’re so wonderful? You’re a fucking loser. You couldn’t even finish college. You work at a bar! You pass around drinks like you pass around your body. Dirty whores don't get to judge me.”
“I am not a whore!” you argued, anger rising up in you, filling every single atom with white hot rage. God, you were so damn sick of having this same go round with your mother all the damn time. “I don’t sleep with every fucking guy who comes in the bar! And I didn’t drop out of college. I had no choice because you’re a goddamn drunk and you couldn’t hold down a job! If I didn’t quit and start bartending, we would have been out on the street!”
The slap came so fast. You couldn’t believe your mom had the reflexes to move that quickly when she was half a bottle of bourbon in. Your head snapped to the side, your cheek stinging. You reached up, covering your cheek and stared at your mother whose eyes were wild with hatred and revulsion.
“Fuck this,” you muttered, tears burning your eyes. “You figure out your own damn problems, then. You’re the mother. I shouldn’t have to always be taking care of you! You’re supposed to take care of me! But you never have!”
“I did!” your mom screamed, spit flying out of her mouth. “I didn’t even fucking want you, you ungrateful little bitch! I had to give up my whole life because of you! I could be sitting in a huge house on the beach in Cali right now while people wait on me. Instead I am stuck in this shithole, alone, because of you!”
You just stared at her. There it was. You had always thought this was how your mother felt, but now she had said it. Your mother didn’t love you. She resented you, hated you. You weren't even sure your mother had the capacity to love anybody. She'd definitely never loved your dad. Why were you trying so hard all the damn time to get even an ounce of affection from her? It was like you were running a marathon but the finish line kept moving further away and no matter how hard you worked, you never got the prize. A mother's love shouldn't be a prize to be won. It should be given freely.
“Fine, if I’m such a goddamn disappointment, if I’m the reason your life is such a mess, then I will stay out of your life! You can handle your own problems! Clean up your own fucking messes from now one!” you screamed, letting years of hurt and pain finally release from your body. “I don’t deserve this shit and I’m done! You just stay out of my life and I’ll stay out of yours!”
“Works for me,” your mom slurred and then slumped down on the couch.
You stormed out of the house and got in your car, fighting back tears. God, your mom was such a bitch. While other kids had moms who baked brownies, held them while they cried about boys, and took them prom dress shopping, your mom was getting tanked, missing your performance in the school musical because she had better things to do than watch some stupid kid show, and telling you if you wanted a prom dress then you better find money somewhere because she wouldn’t waste money on some stupid dress for some stupid dance.
Why had you worked so hard for so long? You had let yourself believe if you were just a better daughter your mom would finally love you. If you could jump through enough hoops, she would finally see you. She never would. There was nothing you could do that would ever be good enough for her. You could have become a surgeon, making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, living in a sprawling mansion, and your mom would still think you were worthless.
Maybe that was why you fell so hard, so fast for Sebastian. You had been so desperate for someone to love you, for someone to see you, to want you. He made you feel beautiful. You had ignored all the signs, ignored your best friend’s warnings because you wanted it to be real. You wanted one real damn thing in your life. He made you feel like you were actually worth something and you had dived in headfirst only to be left floating out in the water alone, praying for someone to throw you a life preserver.
You pulled into your parking spot in front of the apartment complex and turned off your car, just sitting there in silence for a moment as you let the last hour wash over you. Then a scream erupted from your throat, a piercing cry, releasing the devastation that had been vibrating through you since you left your mom’s house. Your chest heaved as you burst into tears, allowing the sobs to take control of you. You needed to feel this pain, this anger, so you could be strong enough to stand your ground and finally be done with your mother.
You laid your forehead against the steering wheel, your body heaving with each sob, the tears continuing to flow. It was like a dam had burst inside your body and years of frustration were finally allowed to flow free. You didn't know if they would ever stop.
Your car door was suddenly pulled open and you shrieked, jumping in surprise. Then hands were grabbing you and you were being pulled out of the car and in someone’s arms before you could fully register what was happening. His scent overwhelmed every one of your senses and you instantly knew it was Eddie. Your whole body relaxed into him. You couldn’t process what he was doing here or why. You just knew you were relieved.
His arms felt like your own personal refuge, a sanctuary from all the drama and the grief. His arms felt like the blanket fort you made as a kid. When you were snuggled deep inside it, you felt like nothing could touch you. It was warm and cozy and safe. You buried your face into his shirt and just let him ease away all the tension.
“I got you,” he whispered softly, kissing the top of your head. “Is it your mom?”
You nodded, a soft whimper that you wished you could take back escaping from your lips.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
Reluctantly, you pulled back a bit to look up at him. Those eyes, goddamn, those eyes were the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen. And right now they were looking at you with such concern, soft and almost a deep bronze in the rays of sun. You could get lost in those eyes forever, just staring into them for the rest of your life sounded like a pretty good way to spend your time.
“I’m done,” you told him quietly. “I tried to go over and help her, like an idiot, because she has her hearing tomorrow. She wouldn’t listen. She never listens. She just said…she said all these horrible things. I wound up telling her to stay out of my life and I would stay out of hers.”
“You’re sure that’s what you want?”
You sighed, “What I want is a mother who loves me, a mother who takes care of me instead of the other way around, but that doesn’t appear to be in the cards for me. I keep trying but she’s never going to be my mom, not really. She birthed me but she’s not capable of mothering me. I feel like the only thing I can do, for my own sanity at this point, is walk away.”
“You know, you’re allowed to cut someone toxic out of your life without feeling guilty about it,” Eddie said, smoothing your hair back and cradling your face in his hands, the metal of his rings cooling your flushed skin. “It doesn’t matter who they are. People like to say blood is thicker than water, but I’ve always found the people we choose are often worth way more than the people we got stuck with.”
You smiled, tilting your head. “You know, you are a pretty wise man.”
Eddie laughed, shaking his head. “Thanks, but I’ve just had quite a bit of experience with this particular situation. It took me a while to learn it, to accept it.”
“What are you doing here anyway?” you asked, confused. The two of you hadn't talking about hanging out. “Not that I’m not happy you showed up.”
“Honestly, I just missed your face,” Eddie shrugged, kissing your nose. “Is that weird? I hope it's not weird. I was coming to see if you wanted to hang out, but clearly you may not be in the mood. So, if you want to just go in and relax, that’s okay.”
“I do want to just go inside and relax,” you replied softly, biting your lip nervously. You knew what you wanted to ask, but you were scared of making yourself so vulnerable.
“Okay,” he nodded. “Why don’t you go put on some comfy clothes, turn on a movie, and get all cozy. I will call and check on you later.”
“That all sounds perfect,” you said, taking a deep breath, “but only if you stay. I mean, you don’t have to.” You shook her head, cringing. Shit. What were you doing? He probably didn't want to hang out with the miserable, blotchy faced girl. “I just mean, I’m probably not the best company right now so I get it if you’d rather…”
“Hey,” Eddie interrupted, taking your chin in his hands and lifting your face to his, “there is nothing I would rather be doing right now. Come on.” He offered you his hand and you took it, leaning into him as you headed into your apartment. “Why don't you go get comfy and I’ll find a movie.”
You headed into your bedroom, changing into leggings and a sweatshirt, wanting to be comfy but also cute. You walked out to find Eddie sitting on the couch, Encino Man beginning on the tv. Jen had just picked that one up at the video store yesterday. The two of you had planned on watching it together, but you knew she would understand. You would always watch it again if Jen wanted.
“I figured comedy was the way to go. You look like you could use a good laugh,” Eddie said, opening his arms. You immediately went to him. His arms came around you, pulling you against his chest. He grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around the two of you and you allowed yourself to melt against him, silencing all the warnings in your head that this was letting him in too far because his embrace feeling like the safest place in the world right now.
Taglist
@tlclick73 @bebe07011 @emma77645 @corrodedcoffincumslut @babeyglo @kimmi-kat @bblunuh @vintagehellfire @hellfire--cult @avobabe87 @just-a-sewer-goblin @emilyslutface
#eddie munson#eddie the banished#stranger things eddie#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fic#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x femreader#eddie the freak munson#eddie x you#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson angst#eddie munson series#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson au#eddie munson x reader angst#eddie munson fanfic#slow burn#eddie munson multiple parts#eddie munson x female reader
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Chapter 2: Slow Motion
PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader
GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst
WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)
SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"
"What?"
"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."
[The GIF is not mine ]
The urge to just ball my eyes out right this second is stronger than my desire to live, honestly. I stare at my laptop screen, at my essay which is a total of 2 words. My name. It's an essay that counts for 30% of my final grade and it's due in 9 days. Last night, I was chilling in my bed, scrolling through Pinterest when a reminder that I had set to remind me that the due date is in 10 days went off. Today I woke up at 7 a.m to begin the essay. It's now 11:17 and all I've written is my name. I rest my head on the back of the couch, closing my eyes, trying not to panic but the sudden banging on the door only makes my nerves worst. The banging continues and I know for a fact who's behind the door.
"For fuck's sake, I'm coming!" I yell over the noise.
I open the door only to come face to face with Chan's smirk. He has both of his hands resting on each side of the door, looking down at me. His position makes him look a little taller than he is.
"Hi." He says, wiggling his brows. I know that face.
"Whatever it is, the answer is no." I sigh, looking at him with a straight face.
He groans and pushes me aside. "I haven't said anything yet, stop being so negative." He pops down on the couch. I close the door and walk towards the fridge.
"I don't have to hear it, I know you." I grab a bottle of strawberry milk from his stash that he keeps in my fridge. "And I know that whatever you want to do, I don't want to be involved" I sit down beside him, giving him the bottle.
He takes 3 giant sips before speaking. " At least hear me out first."
I turn to face him, placing my elbow on the back of the couch. "Fine, speak."
A huge smile spreads on his face as he copies my position. "So" He clears his throat. "We are throwing a party this weekend-"
"Absolutely no" I face forward and reach for my laptop but he grabs my elbow to pull me back.
"You didn't even let me finish"
"You don't have to" I pull my hand out of his grip. "I have a really important essay that I have to submit in 9 days. I don't have time for parties."
He runs his hand through his hair and I notice some new rings on his fingers. I grab his hand, bringing it closer to my face.
"Did you get new rings?" I cut him off just when he was about to speak, trying to change the conversation. He rolls his eyes.
"Don't change the subject y/n" He pulls his hand away after letting me take a look at them for a few seconds "You haven't been to a party since my birthday. Come on, have some fun"
"I've been really busy" I stare at the wall in front of me. "With college and stuff."
"Bullshit" He crosses his hands. "All you do is stay in your room, rewatch stupid tv shows, and read fanfics."
"Hey, don't call 'The vampire Diaries' stupid" I point my finger at him.
He grabs it and lowers it from his face. "You're coming. Your depressive episode must come to an end and as your best friend it's my duty to make it happen."
I bring my knees to my chest. "I'm not depressed, I just-"
"Y/n" He places his hand on the back of my head, playing with my hair. "I know you and I can tell when things are not okay. You don't go out anymore, you're skipping classes, you're always in your room and you don't hang out or talk to any of us anymore." He shakes his head "You don't talk to me anymore." He stares at me with a sad look on his face.
My heart hurts at the sight. I don't want him to think that he's doing anything wrong when it's completely my fault. It's been a couple of months that I've been feeling like that. I don't find anything that exciting anymore. I don't enjoy parties like I used to. I can't focus on college or even study. I just feel heavy and tired of everything.
"Please talk to me." He stops playing with my hair and grabs the back of my neck to turn my head towards him. "You know I'm here for you and if something is wrong I want to know"
"I know Channie, but I don't really wanna talk about it you know?" I offer him a smile. The best one I can manage and he drops his hand in defeat.
"At least come to the party with me." He says with pleading eyes. "One night. Forget everything for one night and just have fun."
I haven't been to a party in ages but I'm not really feeling it. I wish I did cause I really miss everyone. Honestly, it seems exhausting to me right now but the puppy eyes Chan is giving me and the way his bottom lip is poking out make me soft inside.
"Ugh, fine I'll come." I groan. His smile takes over half of his face and I can't help but smile at the sight.
"It's going to be a good one, I promise " He stands and drowns the rest of his drink. "It's a great chance to meet some of my friends from the studio."
Chan is a music major and since he's a senior he's spending most of his time in the studio working on his music. He's graduating in a few months and he's pretty set on working in the music industry. He met a couple of guys last year and bonded with them a lot over their mutual love for music. Now they're something like a group and spend hours in the studio, creating songs and sending their work to record labels, hoping to get signed. He's been going on and on about them and how I would really like them.
"Mmm, I would like to stick to the familiar friend group, thank you very much"
He rolls his eyes "Shut up, don't be a bitch, and wear something nice." He grabs his jacket and walks towards the door. "No hoodies or baggy jeans." He turns around again and points his finger at me. "I want the slutty version of you back, I'll pick you up tomorrow at 10."
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For the past few weeks, I've been in nothing but sweats and hoodies, occasionally I would maybe wear a pair of jeans. So my reflection in the mirror is a strange sight. I haven't eaten anything since yesterday noon and I've been really careful with my diet the past week but still, my body never changes in my eyes. I stare at myself and move around a bit, trying to feel even a tiny bit of confidence in my outfit but the black dress is still too tight for my liking. I shake my head and sit on my bed to put my heels on. They're not too high, just enough to give me just a little boost. As I'm running around the room trying to gather all the things I need to put in my bag I hear the familiar, loud banging on the door. I quickly throw everything in and make my way towards the living room. I open the door before he has a chance to bang his fist a second time and his eyes immediately widen, scanning me from head to toe.
"Holy fuck y/n," He moves around me to see the full outfit. "You look hot. I had honestly forgotten what your legs look like. Thanks for reminding me." He lifts a brow at me.
I roll my eyes, laughing "Stop it, we're late, let's go" I grab my jacket and push him out the door.
The drive to the frat house was short as usual. It's only about 10 minutes from mine and Emma's apartment but since it's freezing outside and I'm wearing heels I told Chan to come pick me up and he was happy to do so. Going on late-night car rides is one of our favorite things to do together and something we haven't done in a while. The frat house is as crowded as ever but I didn't expect anything less. I shiver as we walk towards the entrance, mentally cursing myself for not wearing thicker tights under my dress. Chan takes my hand in his as we walk inside the house. He pushes through the crowd, leading me to the kitchen. The kitchen of the frat house is pretty large and not as crowded so it's easy to spot Hyunjin's long, blonde hair. He's making out with Jisoo who seats on top of the counter. It's a sight everyone has gotten used to since they started hooking up almost a year ago, yet I don't think the have made it official yet. Still, everybody knows that they're together.
"Get a room" Chan yells. He lets go of my hand and walks over to Felix to make himself a drink. I laugh at how they don't even acknowledge him and continue to heavily make out. I make my way towards Felix and wrap my hand around his neck. I've missed him so much. Hyunjin and Felix are both dance majors, that's how I met them and we started hanging out almost immediately. Due to the classes that we saw each other almost every single day until I started skipping. I also would pass on our afternoon practices, so I think it's been almost 2 weeks since I saw them.
"Hi Felix." I smile at him. He turns his head and his eyes widen a bit before disappearing due to his smile.
"Oh my god y/n. " He pulls me into a hug. "What are you doing here?"
"I wouldn't miss the biggest party of the semester"
"The biggest party will be on New Year's, stupid. Why haven't you answered any of my texts or calls?" He pulls away but keeps me at arm's length by my shoulders.
"She hasn't been answering you either? Thank god, I thought she was mad at me" Hyunjin appears at my side and pulls me into a side hug.
"I've just been crazy busy lately, sorry for disappearing on you guys" I reach for the vodka.
"Let me." Felix stops me and begins to make me a drink. Chan walks back to us with I red cup in his hand.
"The party is crazy." He says and Hyunjin nods smiling.
"Yeah, and we're just getting started" He lifts his cup to us and walks back to the living room.
"Here." Felix presses a red cup into my hand. I bring it to my nose.
"It's vodka redbull."
"Aw, you remember my favorite" I take a sip. I've missed the taste of alcohol.
"Cheers to your comeback" He lifts his own cup. "Bottoms up"
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3 cups later, I'm in the middle of the living room dancing my ass off. I'm tipsy at this point and the happiest I've been in days. The alcohol, the music, and the sweaty bodies around me are enough for me to forget everything that's been going on in my head. Chan was right, the party is crazy. There are people half naked, dancing on top of tables, couples having sex in all the possible places in the house, and unconscious bodies laying on the floor and couches. I move my hips to the music, completely lost in my own word with Felix dancing in front of me. Suddenly I feel a hand on my lower back and I instantly tense up. I look behind me and I relax as my eyes meet Chan's red eyes. He must have been out smoking, god knows what.
"Come with me. " He grabs my hand and makes his way out of the dancing crowd.
"Why are you dragging me away? I was having fun." I whine as he leads me into another living room area beside the kitchen.
"I told you I want you to meet my friends" He stops in front of the couch where 3 guys are sitting, talking among themselves.
"Guys this is y/n, the friend I was talking about " All 3 of the guys look up at us, pausing their conversation.
"Y/n, this is Jisung, Changbin and Seungmin." Chan points at them in order and then takes a seat on the couch beside Seungmin.
"Hi, nice to meet you guys" I wave awakrdly and move to take a seat on the coffee table in front of them, since the couch is full.
"Chan has been talking about you none stop, so we're glad we finally get to meet you." The guy named Jisung says, smiling. His smile is attractive. Well, he's attractive. His hair is dark brown and a bit on the longer side, coming down to his jawline, he's dressed and a simple black button-up with the top 2 buttons open exposing his quite wide chest.
"Yeah, Chan has been talking about you guys a lot too." I return his smile.
"Are you a music major as well?" Changbin asks.
"Um, no I'm a dance major. "
"That's really cool. How do you know Chan?"
"I met him on my first day of college actually, I was lost and I asked him for help-"
"And the rest is history" Chan finishes my sentence with a chuckle.
"There you guys are." I turn my head to see a guy dressed in all black with a red cup in his hand walking towards us and sitting on the arm of the couch next to Chan. He doesn't even acknowledge me until Chan speaks up.
"Minho, this is y/n " He nods his head in my direction and the guy's eyes turn to me. I instantly freeze, my mind recognizing his face immediately. Bits of memories flash through my eyes, of the night I saw Jackson fucking another girl, the rude stranger on the rooftop, and the terrible hangover I suffered the next day. His eyes also freeze, mouth parting slightly as he scans me up and down before blinking. I couldn't stop thinking about that night for months, replaying our conversation over and over in my head or at least what I remembered, and trying not to forget his face. I was silently searching the campus for him since that night, hoping he was a student here but a guy as gorgeous as he was wouldn't go unnoticed by the girls here. I let my eyes study him a bit more. He looks almost the same as I remember.
"Y/n this is Minho."
So his name is Minho.
It's hard to tell if he fully remembers me or if he even wants to in front of everyone so I choose to play it safe. "Nice to meet you, Minho" I smile, offering my hand. Instead of taking it like a normal person would he just nods in my direction before taking a sip of his drink. My lips form a tight line, embarrassment swallows me whole when I feel everyone's eyes on me.
"Where were you? " Seungmin clears his throat at the awkward interaction "You've been gone for like half an hour."
"Our boy got laid" Changbin's pushing Seungmin with his shoulder but Minho just rolls his eyes at them.
"I wasn't fucking, I went outside for a smoke and some peace and quiet, this party is fucking crazy." He says expressionlessly.
"Yeah, it's the biggest party yet" I comment, trying to join the conversation, unsuccessfully though cause his head doesn't even turn in my direction, ignoring me once again. Well, his rude attitude definitely has evolved over the past year. Chan notices my bothered expression and jumps into the conversation.
"New Year's somehow going to be even crazier." He says.
"Yeah, but on New Year's we're going clubbing right?" Minho asks
What? There's no way. We spend every New Year's eve together. Me, Chan, Felix, Emma, and Hyunjin.
"It's kinda like a thing, to spend New Year's at the frat. We've been doing it since Chan joined the frat house. But you guys should definitely come." I say.
"Well, plans are changing this year." Minho lifts his brows mockingly, his eyes glaring at me in a challenging way. I don't know how that night almost a year ago I didn't curse him out but then again maybe he wasn't as much of a dick back then as he is now. I bite the inside of my cheek trying to control the annoyance that's building up inside me.
Chan lightly nudges Minho with his elbow. "What?" Minho stares at him blankly.
"Anyway" Chan clears his throat "We'll see". At that, I roll my eyes. Chan's always the person trying to avoid any conflict. I, on the other hand, usually start them cause I'm physically unable to keep my mouth shut.
"Chan told us that you're helping him write most of his lyrics" Jisung changes the topic.
It takes me a second to snap out of my thoughts and turn to Jisung. "Um, yeah I really enjoy writing, it comes quite easily to me, so whenever Chan is writing I love to join."
"She's really good at guitar as well. She's helped me with tons of pieces whenever I was stuck" Chan adds, resting his elbow on his knees.
"You play guitar?" Changbin's eyes widen a bit, and I can feel my cheeks heat up at the sudden attention that Chan put on me. He loves going that, putting me in the spotlight, and pushing himself in the background.
"Well, I knew the basics, but Chan was the one to actually teach me." I give him most of the credit but he just smirks and waves me off with his head.
"So you write and play music? How come you're not a music major?" Seungmin asks.
"It takes a lot more than just playing a few chords on the guitar and writing some lines to major in music Seungmin." Minho says before I have the time to answer, leaning back to look at Seungmin behind Chan's back.
Honestly, if it wasn't for Chan I would have asked him what's his fucking problem right in his face but the last thing I wanna do is create an uncomfortable situation. Chan's friends seems genualy nice and he's been wanting me to meet them for so long. So instead, I poke the inside of my mouth with my tongue and release a loud sigh, not bothering to hide my annoyance.
"I think I'm going to find Jisoo, she was looking for me earlier." I focus my eyes on Minho, who stares back at me as I get up from the table. I break eye contact with him and turn to the rest of the guys. " It was really nice meeting you guys." I offer them a smile before turning around and walking towards the kitchen area, deciding to calm my anger with some alcohol.
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.
My anger towards Minho and his dick-like behavior has almost disappeared after 5 more shots of tequila. I force myself to ignore the millions of questions that fill my head about him and have fun. It's fine that he doesn't remember me or if he wants to be an ass I tell myself over and over as I find myself searching the party with my eyes for any sign of him. It turns out the rest of his friends are actually really fun and I've been dancing and drinking with them for the past hour. Chan introduced his friends to the rest of the group and everyone loved them. At this point, everyone is drunk and dancing like there is no tomorrow. I've been dancing mostly with Jisung and Felix, Hyunjin and Jisoo have excused themselves upstairs, Chan has taken over as the Dj after complaining for almost an hour about the shitty music they've been playing, Changbin is completely wasted and dancing like a maniac making everyone laugh and Emma has been mostly dancing and talking with Seungmin. As I'm dancing between the guys, I noticed Emma and Seungmin leaving the dance floor and sitting on the couch a few feet away and I smile. From the minute Chan introduced them, they've only really talked to each other. Emma is my best friend and roommate and a few months ago she and her boyfriend of 2 years broke up after she caught him cheating. She was completely shattered and hasn't really talked or hooked up with anyone since, she closed herself entirely, so seeing her talking to Seungmin makes me really happy cause as far as I've seen he's a great guy.
"I'm going to get a drink" I yell at the boys over the music at which they nod and I try to push my way out of the dancing crowd. I reach the kitchen, sporting only about 5 or 6 people chatting among themselves, and walk directly towards the drinks. I'm definitely more than tipsy at this point but not completely wasted like most of the people at this party. I grab a cup and begin to pour some vodka when a voice makes me completely freeze in place.
"Y/n?" I slowly turn around and come face to face with the one person that I wish I'd never spoke to again, the guy that I thought I loved, and the guy who broke my heart a year ago like it was nothing. I look up at his face and he smiles a bit. The sight is almost painful.
"What are you doing here Jackson?" I say, trying to keep my voice as steady as I can.
He stares at me for a bit before running a hand throw his hair, smiling at the floor. "I heard that it was going to be one of the biggest parties and you know me" He grabs the cup from my hand and drowns the vodka I poured earlier. "I'm a sucker for a great party"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Yes. Sadly, I know you." I'm surprised at how he and his friends managed to sneak in here without Chan, Felix or Hyunjin seeing them but then again there are close to 100 people here.
"Come on, don't be like that Y/n" He shakes his head and looks behind him, at the rest of his friends that are chatting with some girls by the kitchen entrance, probably making sure that none can hear us. "You know I tried talking to you but you pushed me away every single time." He takes a step closer to me and I instinctively take one backward, hitting the counter.
"We don't have anything to talk about, you are a manipulative piece of shit. I opened up to you and you played me like a fool. Everything was a fucking lie, all of our talks and moments, everything was fake." I try not to raise my voice but I can feel my emotions getting the best of me as my eyes begin to water. Ever since we broke up, almost a year ago, I haven't talked to him at all. I occasionally saw him around campus or at parties but only from afar. With Chan, Hyunjin, or Felix beside me, he never had the chance to come and talk to me. All of the words that I never got to say and all of the things I realized while being away from him are now spilling out of me.
He wets his lips and places his hands on the counter trapping me. My heart races almost instantly at his movements but I try to keep my face straight. "You know, that I wasn't faking shit y/n, I just made a mistake, I should have told you, I know but I'm trying to change. I wanted to apologize about what happened but-"
"Don't you even dare" I hold my hand up between us. "Don't even dare apologize about what happened. The way you were treating me is unforgivable," I say slowly and then push lightly at his chest forcing him to take a step back. It's funny that he thinks that the reason of our break up was the pathetic lies and the fact that I was simply a bet for him, when in reality that was the cherry on the cake. "Now please, get the fuck away from me. I can't even stand to be near you." I try to walk past him but he grabs my wrist and pushes me back to the counter.
"You never let me fucking explain." He raises his voice at me and suddenly I'm back in his apartment, pushed against the wall. The familiar feeling of fear spreads down my spine.
I swallow hard. "I don't wanna hear shit Jackson, leave me the fuck alone" I once again try to walk away but he forcefully grabs me by my arm, making me slam into his chest.
"You're not going anywhere until you hear me out" I can now smell the alcohol in his breath and it makes my stomach tighten. Some of our worst fights would happen when he was drunk and would lose complete control over his words and his actions.
"Let go of me." I try to free my hands but he tightens his grip and pushes me back to the counter.
"Y/n, please listen to me." His words are gentle but his actions are rough and painful causing me to wince.
"Jackson, you're hurting me, let go." Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as panic slowly takes over me.
"She said 'let go'." A voice drawled and my head snaps to the right, only to see Minho entering the kitchen.
"Who the fuck are you?" Jackson relaxes his grip slightly, focusing his eyes on him. Minho's eyes went from my trapped hands to my eyes to Jackson.
"Let her go." His face is relaxed but the tightness in his jaw is visible.
"Is he your boyfriend or some shit?" Jackson releases my hands and takes a step back looking between me and Minho annoyed.
"That's none of your business." I say harshly, feeling a bit more safe knowing that we're not completely alone. He takes an angry step towards me again but before he can make another move, Minho steps in front of me and pushes him backwards. My hand shoots up to my mouth in shock.
Jackson stumbles back a few steps. "Did you just push me?" Jackson's friends make their way beside him after hearing him raise his voice. "I'm trying to fucking talk to her, what's you're problem?" He tries to grab Minho but Mark, one of his best friends, holds him back. I take a step to the right, using Minho as a shield, my hand grabbing his shirt instinctively out of fear. The action causes him to look back at me. His eyebrows draw together and I can see his jaw tighten even more.
"I'm pretty sure that she made it rather clear that she doesn't wanna talk to you," Minho says in a deep voice, turning to face Jackson again. "You should just leave." He grabs my hand "And don't come near her again." He walks past them, dragging my still shocked body behind him, and out of the kitchen.
He continues to walk through the crowd and up the stairs. I begin to feel a little dizzy, my mind blurry at this point. Suddenly the music is too loud, the people are too many and my memories with Jackson are too intense in my mind. I don't even look at Minho as he leads me inside the last room of the hallway. As soon as we enter he drops my hand and walks towards the window. I look around the room, quickly recognizing that it's Felix's. My body instantly relaxes at the familiarity of the room and I sit on the bed. My ears are ringing painfully loud, my heart is pounding and as much as I'm trying to control my breathing it comes out loud, sharp, and quicker than normal, catching Minho's attention. His head snaps in my direction.
"Are you okay?" He walks towards me, his eyes searching my face. I try to answer him, but the words die down my throat and I grip the bed sheets tighter. Minho drops to his knees in front of me.
"Y/n, what's wrong?" He tries to keep his voice steady but his eyes are looking at mine with worry.
"I-I'm...I t-think I'm h-having.." I try to form a sentence but my breathing quickens and panic rushes through my body.
"Hey, hey look at me" Minho places both of his hands on my bare knees, bringing his face closer to mine but my eyes are glued to the ground as I desperately try to calm down. This is not happening.
"Y/n, look at me" His voice is demanding, making me lift my head immediately. His eyes are calm, and his face is relaxed.
"It's going to be fine. Take a deep breath. Focus on my eyes and try to match my breathing." He says slowly, never breaking eye contact. He starts taking deep slow breaths and I try my best to match my breathing to his.
His fingertips make small circles on my thighs. "You're safe, it's going to be alright." My breathing begins to slow and I close my eyes slowly releasing the tight grip I had on Felix's sheets. When I open my eyes, I realize how close Minho is, his eyes are fixated on my face. I hadn't had the chance to notice any of his facial features that well earlier due to the dark lighting of the living room and the distance between us and I don't really recall exactly his face from a year ago. But now that he's a few inches away from me and with the light that's coming through the window and the lamb on Felix's nightstand I can clearly see how beautiful Minho's face is. His hair is a dark shade of brown, falling into his eyes a bit, his eyes are big and almost black but somehow incredibly bright. They hold no emotion in this moment but something about them is warm. My eyes move to his lips, his lips are big as well. They are heart-shaped and full, the kind of lips you would die to kiss. My eyes travel back to his and suddenly a huge wave of embarrassment runs through me. I can't believe I just had a panic attack right in front of him, I can't believe that I saw Jackson and I can't believe how stupid I must look right now. For some reason, Minho isn't really fond of me, and now not only did he see me being embarrassingly weak but I also just shamelessly checked him out. My eyes drop to my hands that are now resting between my legs and then I notice that his hands are still resting on top of my knees. Neither of us says anything for a few minutes but the silence is making me feel even more embarrassed.
"I'm so sorry that you had to see this, I-I don't know what happened. I usually can control my panic attacks well, I honestly don't know what took over me." I find the courage to say, not looking him straight in the eye.
He tilts his head a bit, his eyes never leaving my face. "Do you get panic attacks often?"
His question catches me off guard. "Um, I don't know, I guess. I've been having them since high school, but lately, there've been getting a little worst." I answer honestly. The way he acts and speaks now is completely different than when I met him the first or second time but then again he might pity me right now. I hate it when people pity me. There are a lot of times that Chan looks at me that way and it angers me a lot.
"You don't have to be ashamed. I have a lot of people that deal with panic attacks around me, I'm used to it." He says sounding almost bored like he had this conversation many times before. "Is he your boyfriend?"
"No." I say sharply "We broke up a long time ago."
"Well it looks like you're not over it."
"It's not that, it's just that seeing him again brought back a lot of bad memories" I swallow hard. Minho stares at me, his eyebrows frown suddently, as if a thought crossed his mind and I stare back at him not knowing what to say, We stay like this for a few seconds until suddenly he removes his hands from my knees and quickly places them on the bed trapping me between them. He brings his face closer to mine, our noses almost touching. His movements were so quick and unexpected that I flinched slightly, my hands instinctively coming up. Minho's eyes darken and he drops his head, sighing. I quickly drop my hands to my sides. He removes his hands for the bed and starts walking toward the middle of the room, his hands now resting on his hips and his head still looking down.
"It's him right?" He turns to face me.
"What?" The confusion lasts only second until my blood run cold.
"And it looks like you had to defend yourself way too many times." His tone is a mixture of disgust and disapproval.
My eyes slightly widen. "What are you talking about? You just scared me, why would you do that?" I struggle with my words. I tried really hard to hide what was happening between Jackson and me from everyone and the thought of Minho knowing makes me panic immediately. I remember telling him about it the night we met, thinking I would never see him again, I never expected him to be one of Chan's friends. Realazation slowly starts to hit me, that my secret is no longer safe.
"It looks to me like you were already scared y/n." He stares at me so intensely that I'm forced to look away. I'm embarrassed and annoyed. I knew coming to this party was a wrong idea. I just wanna go home and I definitely don't want to be having this conversation, especially with Minho.
"Look, thanks for helping me with Jackson and with my panic attack, but anything else is not really any of your business. You met me a few hours ago and you just acted like a dick, why do you suddenly care about my personal life?" I get up from the bed, annoyed. Something flashed over his eyes and any emotion and softness that was in them disappeared in a second. He drags his tongue along his bottom teeth and turns to stare through the window. "Just forget everything that happened and please don't say anything to Chan about this" I begin to walk towards the door, just wanting to remove myself from the situation and this party in general.
"Why? Chan doesn't know that his best friend was dating an abusive bastard?" His words make me freeze before my hand reaches the doorknob. My fingers close, turn into fists and I turn around to face Minho's cold gaze.
''It's none of your goddamn business Minho. " I say through my teeth, trying to control my temper. "Just keep your mouth shut"
"Why are you protecting him?" Minho raises his tone for the first time since I met him and takes a step towards me. At this point, I'm boiling mainly cause I feel threatened but also cause he's asking questions that I don't have the answers to.
"I'm not protecting him." I take a step towards him as well.
"You're acting so fucking stupid." He raises his tone a bit more.
"Why the fuck do you care Minho?" We're face to face and I'm angrier than I've been in a long time. I did everything I could to hide this part of my relationship and save me the embarrassment that I would feel if anyone knew. They would all pity me, they would think that I'm weak. I can't even imagine how everyone would look at me if they knew what was going on. It's a secret I want to keep from everyone and I will not let some noisy, rude guy who doesn't know shit about me change that. Silence had fallen upon the room once again. Eventually, Minho breaks our angry eye contact and sighs.
"You're right. It's none of my business. If you wanna protect that son of a bitch and be that stupid, feel free" And with that he walks past me and out of the room.
#stray kids x reader#skz smut#lee know#kpop smut#lee know x reader#skz fanfic#skz lee know#skz imagines#stray kids#straykidsfanfic#stray kids lee know#lee minho#K-pop#kpopfanfic
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What If Steve Were To Leave Hawkins? Part 15
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14
So I was going to have this be the last part but I some new ideas came to mind. Probably a few more parts after this one! As always, I hope you enjoy this part and let me know what you guys think!
~*~*~*~
Eddie kept fidgeting as they made their way down the highway towards Hawkins. He drummed his fingers against his legs, flicked through metal tracks on the cassette, and cracked every joint in his body at least thrice. They’d only been driving for an hour.
When he switched the Dio cassette for one of Metallica’s, Steve knew he had to intervene in order to preserve what was left of his sanity. “Okay, what’s going on? You keep cracking things even though you know I hate it and we didn’t even get to listen to all of Sacred Heart. Why are you so nervous?”
Eddie sighed and pulled at his hair before dropping his hands back onto his lap, “I’m nervous to see the kids. The little shits were brutal the last time I saw them in my trailer. They thought I was gatekeeping you from them and they really tore into me. Caused me to have a panic attack bad enough that Wayne kicked ‘em out. I just… what if they yell at me? I don’t think I could take being called a coward again.”
Steve felt a flush of anger at his words. He knew the power that a word could hold. One whisper of ‘bullshit’ and he was thrown into a flashback of Nancy brutally dumping him at the Halloween Party and blaming him for getting her best friend killed. He got it and he loathed that Eddie had such strong connections to being called a ‘coward’.
“Hey, if any of those brats try to yell at you, I’ll take them out. I’ll ground them or some shit, I promise. I hope they’ll be too happy to see us to focus on yelling at us for leaving. But no one will ever call you a coward again, not where I can hear them. That I can promise,” Steve murmured, eyes flitting between the road and Eddie. He took his right hand off the wheel and laid it palm-up on the center console, an invitation for Eddie to grab hold and seek comfort.
He did so, taking the proffered hand and laying a gentle kiss on the knuckles, making sure not to distract Steve too much from driving. “Thanks, Stevie. Are you nervous? You’ve been gone a lot longer than I have.”
Steve thought for a moment. He was a bit nervous, being in Hawkins always made him a little uneasy even when he still lived there. He wasn’t too nervous to see the kids though. A part of him still doubted that they really cared about him leaving despite the vocal protests launched by both Eddie and Dustin. “A little bit but not really. I haven’t seen any of the kids in months and I’ve only spoken to Dustin a few times since I left. But I’m not really scared to see them, you know? I’ve got you and Robin and I don’t think me leaving really affected anyone besides you guys and Dustin.”
Eddie shook his head in Steve’s peripheral vision, “Steve, it baffles me that you don’t see how much we love you. You would be shocked at how many people actually care about you.”
Steve just blushed and tried to escape the emotional part of the conversation, “hehe, okay. Ooo, I love this song. The metal guys, right?”
Eddie let him escape this time but he would spend the rest of his life convincing Steve that people loved him if he had to. For now, he would enjoy the grimace on Steve’s face as he pretended to enjoy Metallica, his least favorite metal band, blasting through the speakers to keep up his blatant lie.
~*~*~*~
When they arrived in Hawkins, they headed directly for the trailer. Eddie had to pack all of his miscellaneous belongings such as DnD figurines, notebooks with song lyrics, cassette tapes, and his extensive collection of gaudy rings. He gave Steve the keys to his van and ordered him to pick up Robin while he went through the arduous task of deciding what could stay and what had to go back to Chicago with him.
With a kiss to his temple and a hair ruffle to boot, Steve was on his way to Robin’s. The situation at her house had become even more hostile between her and her parents. With the news reporting on the HIV/AIDS crisis and the anti-gay protests, her parents had become particularly vocal about their distaste for homosexuals. They had even turned their suspicious gazes on her and had started questioning her disinterest in dating local boys or wearing makeup. Yesterday, Robin had called Steve to report that her dad had told her ‘If she didn't start dating boys at her age, people were going to think that she’s a dyke. She didn’t want that, did she?’ And so, Steve had called off of work and dragged Eddie to Hawkins to get her out of that environment.
Both of her parents were at work which made the last minute packing and moving things into Eddie’s van easy. Steve could tell that Robin was sad at leaving her childhood home and cutting off contact with her parents with little more than a short note but, she had no reason to stay with people that would never be able to accept such a prominent part of her.
Little words were exchanged between the two during the entire process. When he saw a small tear drip from her eye, Steve pulled his best friend into his arms. “Hey, screw them. If they can’t accept you for liking boobies, then they can go to hell, okay?”
Robin just laughed as she wiped her eyes with a closed fist. “Oh my god, don’t say boobies.”
“What can’t I say? Boobies? If I want to say boobies, I’m going to say boobies. What’s so wrong with boobies?”
Robin shoved at his shoulder and moved to the passenger seat of the van, “I love you so much, Dingus. You always know what to say to make me feel better. Now let’s get out of here.”
Steve just nodded and with one last look towards her childhood home, they set off towards the trailer park to help Eddie finish packing.
They passed the Henderson’s house on the way and Steve decided to bite the bullet. He’d have to see the kid sometime eventually, right? No better time than the present. He pulled into the driveway and knocked on the door, hoping Dustin was home from school. He wrung his hands nervously as he waited for him to open the door.
However, it was Claudia that opened it. “Steve? Oh dear, you look like you’ve lost weight. Are you eating properly at your new place? I have lasagne in the fridge, I’ll give you some to take home with you. It should be enough for you and for that Munson boy.”
“Oh, um thanks Mrs. Henderson. Is Dustin here? I know he wanted to meet up while I was here-”
Steve heard him thundering down the stairs before he saw him. His dweeby little brother barreled past his mother and nearly tackled Steve to the ground. “STEVE!”
Steve laughed as all of the breath was knocked out of him upon impact, “Jesus Christ, Henderson! You’re going to break something! How’re you doing? I was wondering if you’d like to come back to Eddie’s with me while he packs up his shi-stuff.”
Dustin nodded exuberantly, “Yeah, of course! Let me get my walkie and then we can go! The others are going to lose their minds!”
So, Steve waited on the porch for Dustin to collect his things. Claudia brought him a takeaway container filled to the brim with homemade lasagne and left him with a promise for him to take care of himself. And then, they were off to the trailer park once again to go assist his boyfriend in sorting out his hoarder tendencies.
Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20: Epilogue
Updated Taglist: @nickavalens @conversesweetheart @themostunoriginalpersonever @swimmingbirdrunningrock @eddiethegreatteddybear @harrumphingtons @call-me-big-eyes @moonshadows-13 @glittergluekintsugi @cpidcupk @doubleb11 @mentalcyborg @amoris-no-smut-allowed @purple-lemonade @labels-are-for-the-weak @thebrazilianatheist @rajumat @livelaughlexa @5ammi90 @colorful565 @marvelousforlife @chaoticcoffeequeen @gregre369 @suddenlyinlove @thegreatmistake @stillfullofshit @nburkhardt @batxsignalsx @newunknowns @thosemessyvibes @tailsfromthecrypt @luciana-rowan @bird-with-pencils @adaed5 @lolawon @flustratedcas @iwillfindmyneverland @messrs-weasley @skoomy-doompy @yearningagain @forest-fogg @bitchysunflower @stardust-era @newtstabber @bobatrash-queen @notjasontxdd @ohlook-afrog @00biscuit @grtwdsmwhr @oxidantdreamboat @the-witch-forever-lives @estrellami-1 @whatthemeepever @a-simple-gaywitch @imzadidragonfly @freddykicksasses @krimsonsimp @whatthefuccck @delta-piscium @anaibis @tinynebula
@darkwitchoferie @evix-syne666 @tawghasa @pyrohonk @lillys-weird-world @superduckmilkshake @paintsplatteredandimperfect @tiny-enthusiast @whalesharksart @krazyperson @username-i-guess @ilikechocolatemilkh @awkwardgravity1 @romanticdestruction
#This part was going to be 3000 words so I had to break it up lol#scheduled to work 36 hours over the weekend so I'm trying to get this posted now#I love the idea that Robin’s parents are supportive but they aren’t in this fic#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#dustin henderson#steddie#fanfic#mike wheeler#max mayfield#lucas sinclair#stanger things
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MASTERPOST:
These Lines Etched in Sand
What would have happened if Joel was bitten at the museum? This is an exploration of TLOU, with Tess taking Ellie across the country in search of the Fireflies—and maybe some hope.
[ 1 ] - [ 2 ]- [ 3 ] - [ 4 ] - [ 5 ] - [ 6 ] - [ 7 ] - [ 8 ] - [ 9 ] - [ 10 ] - [ 11 ] - [ 12 ] - [ 13 ] - [ 14 ] - [ 15 ]
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
As the hours progress and Tess remains MIA, Ellie grows more and more restless.
“She’s okay,” Tommy bluntly lied to her face earlier when he joined them at their house. “Needed some rest, but she’ll join us later. Let me show you the market, you gonna love it.”
Ellie doesn’t know how to make those people understand what it feels like for her, and probably Sam, to be thrown into this happy Jackson bubble and be expected to just fit in after a handful of hours, all the while being forcefully kept away from the one person they feel safe around.
Unwilling to make another scene, now more anxious than annoyed over Tess’s prolonged absence, Ellie does her best to…be good. She goes to the market with them, pretends to give a fuck over the various stands, tries nodding her head at the few teenagers Maria introduces her to, but her heart isn’t in it.
Tommy doesn’t even stay with them the whole time, claiming he’s got things to do, not coming back until much later, at which point Ellie and Sam have been taken back to the dining hall, now packed with people eating their evening meal.
Still no Tess.
By the time Ellie finds herself sitting in another large room, made to watch some bullshit movie, she’s crawling out of her skin, regularly looking back toward the exit, without luck. Beyond her genuine concern for Tess, she’s also wondering if this is the premise of what is to come.
She knew they wouldn’t be sticking together indefinitely, she’s known it from the start, telling herself again and again to be careful, because this would end, the way everything ends—with her alone.
** CONTINUE READING ON AO3 **
#tess servopoulos#joel miller#ellie williams#joel x tess#the last of us#tlou hbo#writing#fic of mine#these lines etched in sand#lines masterpost
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Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be
Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I'm So Tired of Being Lonely) | Also posted at AO3
Chapter 13A: Angel
I want your love // Let's break the walls between us
Don't make it tough // I'll put away my pride
Enough's enough // I've suffered and I've seen the light
Baby, you're my angel // Come and save me tonight
You're my angel // Come and make it alright
Soundtrack: “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988 [click here to listen]
The Road
May 1988
Claire sipped her mug of oolong tea and kicked off her boots, nestling into the curve of the high-backed chair in the corner of the room, flipping through the latest issue of Time.
“…said when you asked me yesterday, I really want to keep the press at a minimum this tour.”
“And as I said when you told me that yesterday, this reporter is a straight shooter.” Colum Laird – Print’s new manager, all five feet of him – crossed his arms, face stern. “I’ve known him since my first tour with Zeppelin back in ’73. Met him on the Starship. We had a thing for the same groupie.”
Jamie sighed, not meeting Colum’s gaze in the reflection of what Claire teased him was the “movie star mirror” that she now realized was standard issue in all dressing rooms.
“Anyway – I know he’s a big fan of the band. I invited him to the show tonight, to hear the new stuff. The new songs are fucking great, Jamie – and you’re so smart to do the acoustic thing now, to test out the new stuff before going back into the studio for a proper record. You’ve done a grand total of one interview in the three weeks since we started this thing. And you kept the focus on the music, which I understand. But everyone wants to know the stories behind the music.”
“And as I told you yesterday, I don’t want to go into the detail. It’s private.” He was polite, but Claire knew him well enough – from three weeks spending every moment together, from hotel rooms to restaurants to the tour bus – to know when he became exasperated.
“You’re gonna have to do it eventually.”
Claire felt Jamie’s eyes on her – and looked up. His gaze held hers for a moment.
“I’ll talk all anybody wants to hear about addiction, and recovery, and sobriety. I’ll do that every day for the rest of my life, if people will hear me say it. But I’m not going to talk about my heart with some reporter that I don’t know, and who will only print what I say for the public to consume and throw away.”
Colum sat down in the empty chair next to Jamie’s, arms still crossed. “One of the new songs is called ‘She’s My Addiction,’ Jamie. People will want to know who she is.”
Claire watched Jamie’s jaw clench. His eyes tore from hers to look straight on at Colum.
“She’s my heart, Colum. I shit you not, from the first moment I saw her at The Ridge, that was it for me. I knew I had to be in her life, somehow. She took me for who I am, and she didn’t care about all the bullshit that had got me there in the first place. She’s it. She’s my ride or die. And I’m terrified that one day she’ll just have enough of what my life is, and she’ll fly back to Boston, and that’ll be that.”
Her heart clenched – she wanted nothing more than to hold him close, in that moment.
“Colum, what Claire and I have is so fucking special. I don’t want to share it with anybody. Not this reporter, not my band, not even you. But I just did with you, and it was so fucking hard to do it, so that you can really understand.”
Colum ran his hands through his shoulder-length gray hair, a wide silver wedding band flashing. Claire wondered whether he’d made an honest woman of the Led Zep groupie.
“Just meet with him, Jamie,” Colum sighed. “The first chat can be what they call off the record. I can bring him here after the gig tonight. Just to get a feel for him. And if you don’t have a good feel, I’ll drop it. And he won’t screw us over in publishing something anyway.”
Jamie extended a hand to Claire – and immediately she padded over to him, socks whispering against the floor. She sat on the table in front of him, and his hand settled on her jean-clad knee.
“What do you think about it, Claire?”
She traced his eyebrows with her thumb, not caring about Colum just feet away from them. “I think you should talk to this reporter, Jamie, and you shouldn’t shut out any questions he asks. People need to know who you are now, and since I’m part of who you are now, that’s fair game.”
“I don’t want to expose you to all of the shit, Claire. Reporters and paps and fans.”
She smiled. “Both my eyes are wide open. I don’t care. People always appreciate honesty, and they can always smell bullshit. Be honest.”
He turned his face to kiss her palm. “They’ll dig up so much dirt on you.”
“What do I care? You know all of it already. It’s not like you’re spotless. And if I hadn’t fucked up my life so badly, I never would have met you.”
He huffed. Thought for a long moment.
“I’ll do it. But Colum, I have three conditions.”
Claire saw more than heard Colum’s sigh of relief. “Tell me.”
Jamie took Claire’s hand in his, kissing the inside of her wrist. “No questions about my prior manager – he’s a bloodsucker but he’s still powerful. I’m not going to air that dirty laundry.”
Colum nodded. “Fair. What else?”
“Claire has to be in the room when I talk to him.”
“Seems reasonable.”
“And, she can’t be named in the article. It’s inevitable that I’ll talk about her. People will figure out who she is soon enough. At least let me have a few more weeks until the tabloids figure out who she is.”
Colum stood and clapped Jamie on the shoulder. “Consider it done. I’ll bring him by after the show.” He glanced down at his watch. “Twenty minutes until curtain. You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be. And thank you.”
Colum nodded and slipped out of the room.
Jamie turned to face Claire, and she effortlessly slid onto his lap. He rested his head in the curve of her neck, nuzzling her collarbone, and she threaded her fingers through his hair.
“I can hear you thinking,” she said softly.
“I don’t want to burst our beautiful bubble,” he whispered.
“It’ll have to happen, Jamie.” She held him close, gently massaging his scalp. “Once you make the record, and once you go on a bigger tour. Easier for it to happen now, with someone who’s apparently got a good reputation. While we can control some of it.”
“And then the paps will camp out in front of your apartment. Mob you at the grocery store.”
She kissed the crown of his head. “I’ll deal with it.”
“Some tabloid will interview Frank. You know it’s coming.”
“I do. And those same reporters will find a dozen women you hooked up with after shows, all across the country. But it doesn’t matter.”
He kissed her neck. She shivered, and felt his smile.
They’d agreed to remain celibate until their wedding. It hadn’t been such a bad idea when they were still mostly apart – but these past three weeks on the road, sharing a bed in each hotel room, had put their resolve to the test.
“You’re right. We’re under no obligation to share more than we need to.”
She pulled back, and leaned down to kiss him.
“Finish getting ready. I’ll see you after the show.”
He darted in for a quick kiss. “Not if I see you first.”
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How to Choose a Stream?
With boards ending, a lot of you guys are wondering what stream you should choose, and a few people have hmu in my dms asking for advice, so i figured I'd make a post about how I suggest choosing a stream. Fair warning, I am a PCMB student so my advice will be a little science-stream focused because, obviously, I don't know what problems other streams might face, so additions are welcome from other people who have more to add <3
First off, this is one of the most important decisions of your life. This decision determines what the next two years of your life will look like, and it plays a strong role in determining your career for the rest of your life. So don't make this choice lightly.
Make an informed decision. I cannot stress upon this enough- do. your. own. research. Don't trust people who say there is no job opportunity in abc stream or that xyz stream will make your 'life set', all of it is bullshit. Half the time the people giving you these advices finished their schooling 20-30 years ago, respectfully- they have no idea what they're talking about. So sure, listen to everyone's inputs but check everything for yourself.
Websites are your best friend. And no, not "Top 7 High Salary Careers' type websites, I mean college websites. The best way to choose your stream is to explore various careers. For this, start with exploring the type of courses and degrees available, then head to the college's websites and check out the curriculum, the eligibility and the entrance exam requirements. Of course you don't have to choose a degree from now itself, in fact even if you have chosen something 9 times out of 10 you will change your mind by the time 12th ends, but knowing what options there are other than NEET, JEE, CUET and stuff will help you understand if you're more inclined towards science, commerce or humanities.
Subjects change after 10th, for example- what you think physics is and what 11th-12th physics is are two completely different things, so if you are more inclined towards a particular stream, go through the books. Either borrow from your seniors or go through the free NCERT pdfs (ncerts are the easiest versions of science subjects, at least, so your actual material will be 1-2 levels higher in difficulty, keep that in mind). Going through the material is not that efficient because everything seems easy at first glance but it still gives a general idea about the type of stuff you will learn so whatever piques your interest most should be a good choice to consider. I would suggest going through the books of all the streams if you have time, that way you can check which is the best fit for you.
(Also go through multiple chapters, not just the first few ones)
Work on attraction rather than elimination. Dismissing a stream just because you don't like one subject in it is not a good way to go about it. Choose the stream which has a majority of subjects you do like, rather than choosing one which has the least number of subjects you don't like. Overall the purpose of a stream in 11th-12th is to get you into your desired course in college, so your biggest indication of stream will be the degrees you like, not the subjects you don't like.
Remember to prioritize yourself and your choices, trust yourself. People might have all sorts of opinions about what stream you should take and what career you should pursue. Of course some people have your best interests in mind, but ultimately it is you who has to go through with it. Being pushed into making certain choices is really harmful because there is absolutely no motivation to keep going once it gets hard (and it will). So it is best to choose your own poison so that when times get hard you know that this is something you actually really want and that way you will genuinely feel like working for it, rather than being forced to work hard for something you aren't even sure you want to do.
Don't stress too much. I know I said this is a super important decision, and it is, but it is not life ending. You can only do so much and there is no guarantee whether what you choose today will work out for you two years down the line. And that's okay. Remember that there is always an option to change plans, no matter how far along you are. So don't bind yourself to the choice you make today, you always have more options. Try your best to choose what feels right for you, and if situations change later in life, so can your plans.
If you don't know what exactly you want to do with your life, stop blaming yourself for it. I promise 90% of us had no idea what we were doing when we were your age either, even if we thought we knew what we wanted, we didn't. It's okay to not know what you want to do for the rest of your life when you're 15 or 16. Trust your gut and try your best to be informed about the stream you're choosing. As you go along, you will find your calling when the time is right. It's never too late, you'll be fine
lots of love to everyone starting on this really tedious path, the next two years will teach you a lot about yourselves and I hope you all make the best of it, all the best <3
#desiblr#student life#self improvement#self help#studyblr#studyspo#chaotic academic aesthetic#study motivation#studying#desi tag#desi tumblr#light academia#dark academia#desi stuff
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pls rant about tim burton, i gots to know
@y-lisse
(casually vibrates) my god what a rant you're gonna get
i was raised by two giant horror nerds so naturally i was pretty much raised on tim burton. so full disclosure this is coming from a place of disenchantment and sincere disappointment
i think the second i went to see ms peregrine's home for peculiar children is the exact second i got disenchanted with his stupid gimmick that hasn't worked for over 20 years now. because in the first five minutes they change exactly one word from the book that ruins the entire rest of the movie: very suspiciously they decided to make the protagonist polish instead of jewish! which is interesting! because ms. peregrine's is an entire story about the proliferation of antisemitism in the modern day which becomes completely pointless when you remove the jewish context from the story. and i know exactly why they did it too: they knew that they had to keep in something about world war 2, because IT IS A VERY BIG TOPIC IN THE STORY. but ohhhh nooo we can't make our protag a jew :( i know :) we'll make him polish instead the polish were oppressed by the nazis too :)) it immediately put a bad taste in my mouth and ive never been the fucking same with tim burton's bullshit since. (and that's not even getting into the fact that they made the only black character in the story one of the flesh eating monsters :/ which apparently aren't the nazis anymore because ohhh we can't discuss antisemitism actually sorry so where does that leave us. huh.)
speaking of antiblackness, did you know that in his willy wonka movie, he BROUGHT BACK the racist backstory for the oompa-loompas? the one that THEY FULLY CUT OUT in the 70s because of the civil rights movements going on? and all this combined with his comment that black people don't "fit his aesthetic" really just makes me want to bury him alive. lol!!
SPEAKING of his aesthetic: IT JUST FUCKING SUCKS. FOR TWENTY YEARS THIS "AESTHETIC" HES BEEN LEANING ON SO HARD HAS BEEN GARBAGE FROM A TOILET THAT'S ONLY EVER WORKED A SINGLE TIME. i hate the dim washed out gray tones with ~just a little pop of color~ because 9 times out of 10 he does NOTHING with it. it's just ugly! the only time i can genuinely think of where it was used in an actually interesting way was sleepy hollow cuz in that one apparently they made the fucked up blood in that tree bright orange to make it pop more. which is cool! IT HAS NEVER BEEN INTERESTING SINCE.
and the thing is i know he has the capability to make good interesting movies! unless beetlejuice was a fluke! which is a very likely chance! i can't understand how the man who made beetlejuice could possibly end up becoming the man who just KEEPS CHURNING OUT THE SAME SCHLOCK OVER AND OVER.
idk how to properly transition into this but i have to rant about this too: you know how people constantly have to correct others on who actually directed nightmare before christmas? how henry selick did literally all of the heavy lifting only for tim burton to slap his name on it and get all the credit, so that even today people still think it is Tim Burton's movie? well i watched a documentary on it (the movies that made us) and it actually gets so much worse than that! IT GETS WORSE!
not only did tim burton not actually direct the movie (complications with directing his batman movie which lead to him not Having Time for it i guess,) the only times he ever actually showed up for the production was to YELL AT PEOPLE. TO THROW AN ACTUAL FIT. during the documentary they went into how apparently a background artist showed up to give him some concept art and burton just...... threw all his work in the trash...... because the art wasn't as angular and colorless as he was imagining. IN THE TRASH.
the only other time he interacted with the crew was near the end of production where they showed him the ending they had worked on. in his stead the ending they wrote up was that the mad scientist was actually oogie boogie all along. is that kind of a weak ending? sure, i really don't like it myself, it doesn't make sense and kind of takes away from the other shit he does in the movie. do you know what i wouldn't do if i was presented with that kind of ending?
KICK
a FUCKING
HOLE
IN THE WALL
BECAUSE IT WASN'T EXACTLY WHAT I WAS PICTURING. do you know how this kind of direction could have been prevented? huh timmy? do you want my two cents? IF YOU HAD ACTUALLY HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MOVIE TO BEGIN WITH, maybe this WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING. YOU CANNOT GET ANGRY AT PEOPLE FOR DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU DIDN'T LIKE WHEN YOU WERE NOT THERE TO GIVE THAT GUIDANCE THE ENTIRE REST OF THE TIME. ARE YOU INSANE?
and either way i still reaaaaally don't think what he came up with was all that great either!
youtube
like maybe this is just my opinion, but the tone in this clip isn't present in ANY OTHER part of the movie. oogie boogie dissolving into thousands of disgusting bugs feels completely detached from the silly kind of uncanny musical ft danny elfman as a sad skeleton man. it's almost like..... the person who wrote it...... wasn't actually involved in the entire rest of the movie................ :///
needless to say the news about him getting his stupid hands on the addams family devastated me and i will not be touching that shit with a 30 foot pole. cool gomez! i don't trust you to treat him properly given your stupid racist history!
tldr: not only is tim burton a racist antisemitic uncreative artist i think the fact that he is this much of a bitch to work with just really puts a cherry on top of the whole thing. my god what a shitshow.
#thank u for asking i am fully capable of ranting about this again ten times harder i think im just gonna have to make a video essay atp#i didn't even get into how much i hate corpse bride
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DOCTOR WHO TOP 10 - 1st Doctor
So, I threatened to do this a while ago, and I'm finally ready. This is my first top 10 in a series of Doctor Who top 10s.
Expanded universe wil be included, always. Let's go.
10. A Big Hand for the Doctor
Out of the 11 Doctors, 11 stories anthology, this might be my favourite one? Although a few of the others are great as well.
It's just so... weird. I mean, all of those short stories are likely written by people with little to no knowledge of eu. So Colfer (who I am predisposed to like, because I loved Artemis Fowl as a kid) isn't tied to... I dunno, Quinnis? Operation Proteus? He's probably never even heard of them. So he creates a glimpse of a whole new NewWho-esque era that takes place before Totter's Lane. One that (unlike the one presented in Fugitive of the Judoon) seems actually fun and interesting.
The 1st Doctor had a cybernetic arm for all of his episodes. Why? Because why the fuck not.
9. The Savages
Whenever some weird incel on the internet says "Doctor Who was never about politics!", the correct answer to that is "Shut the fuck up and go watch The Savages." Or it would be, if any of it still existed.
Don't get me wrong - William Hartnell's Doctor Who era was very political. Mostly with "Nazis bad" and "cold war bad", which are both solid takes. But this serial has balls.
It has no monsters, it's just a parable about South Africa. I don't know, I just think it's really cool for this children's sci-fi show in mid-1960s to go "Yeah, fuck apartheid!"
8. The Edge of Destruction
I haven't seen this one for years but from what I remember and what I know about it, I like it a lot. It's just this weird filler, except it's not at all, because it's an integral part of each character's arc. It has a profound weirdness about it which I adore.
It's Doctor Who, as originally intended.
7. Home Truths
I listened to this one recently for the first time and - wow. Just wow. It's just dripping with atmosphere. I love it a lot and need to listen to the rest of that trilogy now.
6. Dalek Invasion of Earth
It's the one where the Daleks... actually become the Daleks. From opressors on a futuristic planet, bound to a single city, to galactic conquerors. Iconic, and for very good reasons.
5. Journey Out of Terror
Simon Guerrier is just fucking excelent at writing the 1st Doctor, Ian, and Barbara. There's no way around it, this short story is properly brilliant and you should read it if you haven't done so yet.
4. The Daleks' Master Plan
I love the madness of the Master Plan. It's a lot bigger than manageable. It's ambitious and epic and I adore it to bits. It has the Monk! Huge empires! Jumping through time! Cold war parallels! A Christmas special! There's nothing like it. Hopefully more of it returns to the archives one day.
3. The Aztecs
The Aztecs is one of the purest Doctor Who experiences ever. It's really funny, but also quite dark. It has action and adventure, yet stops to think about history and culture, as well as the philosophy of time travel. It feels timeless.
2. The Keys of Marinus
The Keys of Marinus is widely disliked and overall not a beloved story. Which is, of course, bullshit.
I love it so goddamn much. It's the first "Classic Who" serial that was genuinely FUN for me to watch. It made me fall in love with Doctor Who again, in the same way I feel in love the 11th Doctor's era. It's amazing and should be recognised as such.
1. The Time Meddler
Alright, this is one the most beloved Hartnell era serials. And... for good reasons.
I love this story. It's clever and fun and inovative and just all around marvelous time. I can't help it, the Doctor x Monk rivalry just gets me. The setting is excellent. And it kinda invents the final bits of Doctor Who that weren't invented by Season 1.
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Mass Effect Questionnaire
I saw @littleneonlily do this, so I figured I'd give it a shot, too, while I still have Mass Effect on the brain.
1. Tie between Garrus, Wrex, and Liara
2. Mordin, Samara, Zaeed, and Garrus again
3. Liara again, Kaidan, and Garrus...again
4. The M-76 Revenant. Who doesn't love a non-stop barrage of death?
5. Still like the Revenant, but if you want me to pick something else, I'll do the N7 Crusader
6. Soldier. Go ahead, call me bland, but I think it best fits both the gameplay and the story. Though I do also like the Vanguard and Sentinel classes.
7. Noveria in Mass Effect 1. I dunno why, but I just love the atmosphere this planet has, both setting and story wise.
8. Tying in with the above, the entirety of Noveria's arc, for the same reasons, with Bringing Down the Sky right behind it.
9. The Suicide Mission itself, which is my favorite level in all of gaming. Runner-ups would have to include Garrus's Recruitment, Tali and Grunt's Loyalty Missions, and the Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC.
10. It's gonna be a tie between Priority Rannoch and Tuchanka. And the entirety of the Citadel DLC, too.
11. Depends. With Male Shepard, I like to pair him with Kaidan (shameless Mshenko fan here). With Female Shepard, I like to romance Liara. For Runner ups, I'd do Garrus and Tali (hetero normies)
12. I kinda wish James Vega was a romance option, preferably Bi, because I love my himbos. Other than that, I'd love to see some bisexual romance options from currently romanceable companions, such as Garrus, Tali, Thane, and Miranda.
13. Mako. Both control like ass, but at least the Mako isn't made of wet tissue paper.
14. Oh boy, you guys are gonna hate me for this one, but to me...it's Tali. Look, I don't hate her at all. In fact, she's pretty good, but HOLY SHIT, some of her fans are zealous.
15. I dunno how the rest of the fandom sees them, but I do really like Samantha Traynor and Steve Cortez. For side characters, they're really well written, both character and romance wise.
16. Haven't played Multiplayer in ages.
17. Refer to above, though I do recall liking the Earth maps.
18. I'd say SR-2. If you wanna be more specific, I like the version of it in ME3.
19. Destroy all the way...and maybe control. I know, E.D.I. and the Geth won't survive, but it's not like folks are just gonna forget how to rebuild synthetics (unless you're a moron who gets everyone killed). Control is a decent runner up if you wanna spare the robots. Synthesis is bullshit space magic (seriously, what the fuck even happens in Synthesis?). And Refusal is just...dumb.
20. I tend to lean more towards Paragon. Granted, I do make some Renegade Choices here and there, either for the sake of pragmatism or sheer amusement, but generally, the Shepards I play will lean a bit more on the Paragon side.
Not tagging anyone this time, since IDK how many of my mutuals are Mass Effect Fans, but feel free to give it a shot.
#mass effect#mass effect questionnaire#questionnaire#commander shepard#kaidan alenko#liara t'soni#urdnot wrex#garrus vakarian#tali zorah#mordin solus#zaeed massani#samara#samantha traynor#steve cortez#mshenko#femshep x liara
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Episode Eight: Random Rewatch Observations
1. I don’t think it’s ever really 100% certain is it, how deliberate Hodgson’s actions are at the beginning of this episode or how closely in cahoots he might already be with Hickey? I notice right after they all leave the tent that the first person he seems to go to is Le Vesconte though, so I have to wonder if he is just looking for comfort and advice or if he’s peddling the same scaremongering story he does later to Little…?
2. I also wonder if Hickey mispronouncing the word ‘Netsilik’ is deliberate too? Like, is it just a random slip of the tongue or could it be saying more about how Hickey’s just bullshitting his way along while still not really knowing what he’s talking about?
3. He also pointedly doesn’t refer to Jopson as Lieutenant, disrespectful little knobhead…
4. Speaking of disrespectful knobheads, I’ll still never get over how horribly Crozier treats Little in this episode, threatening him with a flogging just for asking a simple question! The fact of the matter is that at that stage, no one but Hickey has any real idea of what’s actually happened, not even Crozier himself. He can’t possibly know for sure until he goes to see the whole sorry scene for himself and in the meantime, bolstering the perimeter is a perfectly reasonable plan.
Surely it would be better to give a timely, controlled order to strengthen that perimeter with your most trustworthy guys in order to make the rest of the men feel calmer, more secure, and less inclined to go off the rails, than to leave the whole camp in panic and confusion, not knowing what the hell is happening, and so jumping at the chance to feel like they’re doing something about it all?
That’s what it’s all about really – timing! Yes, it is a mistake for Little to give the order to arm the men when he does but it’s only a mistake because by that time they’re all too riled up to give up their arms or listen to reason. Again, if they had armed some trustworthy men in a calm and controlled way back when Little first suggested it, if Crozier has only bloody listened to him, then I firmly believe the situation could have been improved massively.
5. That’s not a comforting arm-pat Blanky gives Little, btw, that’s actually a full-on tit-grab and I am here for it.
6. Oh God you can see how fucked Fitzjames is already in that tent and how he just about manages to hide it until he’s alone. As soon as Little passes him you can see him finally allow himself a grimace of pain when he knows no one can see.
7. Just noticed the neat little detail of a pair of crutches hanging from a beam in the medical tent – shows again the importance of efficiency and preparedness and using ever available inch of space.
8. Oh fuck, the wee Netsilik girl has Irving’s telescope/spyglass right by her side! Can’t you just imagine her having a whale of a time with it right before all the horror kicked off? Gut-wrenching!
9. Also, cannot emphasise enough that Irving would’ve been their friend. Like, none of them are really in their right minds at this stage but those like Little and Hodgson who would have been closest to him would of course be feeling the loss most, and you can see how it influences their decision-making.
Just imagine if your own best friend and co-worker was brutally murdered one day and not only did you have to carry on with your day and carry on working, but you were also berated publicly by your shitty boss then forced to watch as your pal’s already-defiled body was dissected further right in front of you. You’d be a mess too!
10. “Choose men we can trust…” – Aye, you could have done that a few hours ago, Franky-boy, and potentially avoided a whole mess of bullshit!
11. Oh God don’t put De Voeux in charge of anything!
12. Shout out to the Triumvirate of Toms! Jopson taking charge straight away and getting shit done like the brilliant Lieutenant he is. Blanky outrunning Tuunbaq on a wooden leg and continuing not to give a single fuck. And Hartnell, once again ready to step up and help, to defend his mates without a single second thought, even if he has to face down a charging Tuunbaq to do it. Big fan of that little concentrating blinky face he does too – top notch stuff.
13. Good Christ Fitzjames with the rockets is just incredible. That look on his face! The focus and fury and determination in that little snarl! Outstanding! And it also strikes me that this is a perfect instance of him doing an amazing thing without the intention of being seen. He’s invisible in the fog, just like everyone else, and he’s still going all out doing what needs to be done. We know it’s not just vanity with him, that he’s a genuinely good and heroic man, even if he doesn’t realise it himself, but we see more clearly than ever that that’s really not what it’s about here specifically. There just can’t be any vanity in the face of something like Tuunbaq.
14. Pretty sure that’s a diving helmet patch on Collin’s jumper right before Tuunbaq gets him which is just a whole other level of heart-breaking. I wonder if he sewed it on there himself back when he was still excited about being a pilgrim to the deeps…
#The Terror#The Terror AMC#S01E08#Terror Camp Clear#Observations#George Hodgson#Henry Le Vesconte#Cornelius Hickey#Thomas Jopson#James Fitzjames#Francis Crozier#Edward Little#John Irving#Thomas Blanky#Tom Hartnell#Henry Foster Collins#Tuunbaq#Gee I really am just tagging everyone again aren't I?
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I Don’t Believe In Gods
A/N: The fic isn’t a romantic reader insert between Reader and Phobos. More of them saying “Fuck You” to him. I tried to keep the reader gender neutral as possible, but reader is more fem presenting, my apologies. Your alias will be Pandora, but you still will have your name. May expand onto this as well.
You lean against your desk, swirling the red wine that was in your wine glass you held while crossing both your arms and legs. Phobos had called you, talking about some bullshit of an excuse to get you to work with him. But you knew better. Anyone with a damn brain knew better than to even side with this narcissistic asshole. Not only that, but a lot of people in Nevada who were in the position of power saw him nothing more as a literal man-child with a god complex. Or… Those who didn’t fear for their position.
You take a sip of your wine, savoring the mixture of sourness and bitterness that coated your tongue while you listened to Phobos monologuing about how great his agency was. It annoyed you, it really did. Especially when he would mention about how lucky he had chosen you of all people to work with him. You drew out a long exhale from your nose as you set the wine glass down onto your desk, your eyes looking at the large screen that plastered the videocall that connected you to Phobos. You could've just ignored the call, but you loved entertaining the idea. Especially with stringing them along only for them to be crushed by your own foot. Not only that, you always made sure to have Charlie monitor the videocalls along with securing the connection and security of your agency.
You crossed your arms together as you tilted your head to the side, a small smirk etched onto your lips.
"So... what do you say, my dear? Surely you must feel greatly honored that you of all other miserable mortals that crawl in the slums of this damned city get the chance to work with me. Let alone do you have the chance to be part of my empire." Phobos laced his hands together as he rested his chin on top of them. His lips curled into a conceited smile, sharp teeth glistening in the light.
You let out a soft chuckle before giving a soft hum. "What's in it for me? I mean sure it would be wonderful to finally work with Nevada's greatest leader. Let alone our greatest god." You let out a string of compliments, stroking Phobos's ego before continuing on. "But I want to make sure I get something back. Besides, I am the one who will be sending in my best mercenaries to aid your people along with shipping weapons to you." You grab your wine glass again. swirling the liquid once again before looking straight at the egotistical maniac right in the eye. "If anything, I don't find your services well met to mine" The smile on Phobos's lips turned into a scowl as you expected more from him. A low guttural growl coming from the speakers that connected to the screen.
"You greedy little wench! Demanding more from me when I've already offered your protection in exchange for your agencies." He glowers at you before leaning back into his chair, arms crossed over his chest. "You should be thankful for the fact I'm even CONSIDERING your pathetic excuse of an agency!!"
"Ohh seems I've struck a nerve. Well..." Your smirk grows wider. "Seems your little offer is nothing more than another bore. Just like the ones I've gotten from others before you..." Another growl was heard along with a loud bang, you look up, Phobos's hand now curled into a fist as he leaned over his desk. He was seething at this point as he glared at you right through the camera.
"How DARE YOU COMPARED ME TO THOSE WORTHLESS WORMS!!"
"And not only that, you've promised me things I already have. Things that I've built from the ground up and another agency that had been the only one to peak my interest." You turn on the intercom, secured from anyone who tries to listen in. "Charlie dear, you can cut the video call soon."
"Not a problem Ms. Pandora. Disconnecting the call in 10... 9... 8..." You listened to the sound of venomous insults that were thrown at you from Phobos. You ignored them all, finishing the last of your wine that was in your glass much to your disappointment.
"Oh and Phobos... I don't believe in Gods... Then again, you never were one to begin with..." The last thing you saw was the furious expression on Phobos's face before the call was cut off. It was always fun doing that. You let out a sigh as you leaned against your desk, closing your eyes for a brief moment before pushing yourself off of your desk to head downstairs into the lobby of your HQ. You already were late to a meeting with 2BDamned and the other three anyways because of that stupid call anyways...
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Personal log, Stardate fuck this shit
So I’ve had this little Tumblr since November 2017. It’s my “processing feelings about Star Trek” blog, obvs. I did not expect nearly a thousand people—okay, dozens of people and hundreds of bots, lbr—would end up reading my feelings about Star Trek.
Well, here we are. And the thing is, I don’t think I’ve ever had this many feelings about Star Trek. I don’t mean since Nov. ’17. I mean since 1991.
You’ve been warned.
Last week—and I mean the one we literally just had—was the worst week of my entire life. Instant winner! That’s right: worse than the week I got divorced, worse than Christmas-to-New Year’s 2002, worse than the third week of high school. I’m not going to process those feelings in public—it’s not 2002 anymore—but, unfortunately, that’s important context for the rest of this.
More important context: TNG specifically was my comfort blanket throughout a “let’s call it difficult” childhood. I’ve loved that starship and that crew for over 30 years. When I’ve been at rock bottom, not totally sure I’m going to survive whatever bullshit is in front of me, I put on an episode, or an interview with the cast on YouTube or something, and things feel infinitesimally more okay.
At this point in my life, they’re the best and only family I’ve got. The bridge of that fictional starship feels more like home to me than anywhere I’ve ever lived. I don’t consider myself superior to, or even separate from, any brand-new fan who discovered Trek yesterday—honestly, I prefer their energy—it just hits differently for me, you know? I can’t be rational about it.
Anyhow. This season of Picard. What a ride, right? A stupidly plotted, stupidly slow ride to a disappointingly obvious conclusion, if I’m going to be harsh about it. But I don’t actually care if it sucks. I’m 90% here for space-family feels and 10% here for Seven of Nine: Leather Jacket MILF Edition, and that’s about it.
And… like… fuck. Fucking shit, y’all. My heart and soul have been pulverized to powder for non-Star Trek reasons since last Sunday. I’ve been feeling like I just got kicked in the stomach for about 170 hours straight. I have never had a stable life; I have never felt so destabilized. Basically everything sucks 47 different kinds of ass, and it’s not going to stop sucking those asses for a long, long time.
So it fucking goes. None of that other shit killed me. I’m not going down now.
But. Or maybe and? In the middle of this waking nightmare, I got to come home. The LCARS. The aggressively flat lighting. The carpet. My family.
I used to sit so close to the TV when Next Gen was on. When I was like 8 or 9 years old. I wanted to be there, so badly. To be completely honest with you, I still do.
And I get to spend one more hour there. I get to watch my space family be together again, be awesome again, watch them save the day from the beautiful beige bridge of the USS Enterprise-D one last time.
Now. This week. When I need it more than ever. A glass of ice water in hell.
What a gift.
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