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yourpsicodelicbitch · 2 months

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chiron observations ❤️‍🩹

TW: it’s chiron, you k what’s coming.

natal south node 9H opposition solar chiron 3H in retrograde: lesson i was meant to live, in this case about communication. later on that year, I communicated the situation -I needed help- but throughout that time I was struggling to process the information. south node 9H represents the knowledge i acquired and the lesson i had to experienced to let others know about that knowledge. retrograde shows difficulties on expressing themselves, scared of being judged, delays, etc.

solar moon conjunct natal chiron: wounds who were deeply hidden in the past, that you didn’t remember, are now in front of your eyes and you cannot stop but observe directly. injustices with your mom, resentfulness and emotions you could not hide anymore are now part of your daily routine. it’s like someone hits you with a rock and you can’t stop bleeding/crying.

syrinx (3360) aspecting chiron: it’s giving fear of rejection, literally, that’s your trauma. asteroid syrinx represents your attitude towards rejection and high expectations towards you. I have it in opposition, through my whole life I have been what others wanted me to be. I, even as a child, controlled my respiration to not disturbed others. a period of time I suffered bc I believed with all my soul I shouldn’t live bc of the high expectations, rejection, I wasn’t able to fit in the box, I tried to. it’s been a whole process, to acknowledge -of course- I don’t want and don’t have to be what others want me to be to be happy. I share this to show how you can use what you’ve struggled with and turn it into something you can master, take advantage of it for your own good: the power of chiron.

solar chiron trine natal venus: you’re experiencing what venus represents -relationships, every kind, etc.-, what you craved for a long time, but chiron it’s not gonna bring it up pretty. you’re learning through these experiences. depends on the aspect the intensity and type. in this case, it’s happening -what your natal venus craves- but you’ll learn to confront the situation -bc of the trine aspect that kinda shows the intensity chiron has-. and it’s not going to be as you wished at first… for example, my bestie went on her first date -she’s a hopeless romantic but won’t show it- but she didn’t like the guy and then she told him and that guy dated her friend, she was shocked and obviously affected but then she stood up. for a long time she struggled to make friends, in this period of time finally she got their gurls, but at the begging there were difficulties she turned out to handle really well.

chiron 6H in mars return chart could mean difficulties on your health, keeping up with a sport? routine, have a routine, you could find yourself stressed out about it. you’re starting to analyze more things.

the degree of your chiron in sr chart can tell about your attitude in front of that situation, house would indicate what type of situation you’re dealing with.

example

⤥ solar chiron 11H 17° (leo degree): after my birthday -after solar return starts- i had a “fight” with a “friend” of the group I was part of, and besides that, I was starting to not feeling it with the friend group. it was a journey of a domino effect were I opened my eyes and saw they weren’t sparkling anymore -for me-. so i decided to distance myself, to start a journey of “standing by myself”. I started to do shit by myself, focusing that energy -used on others- on me. it’s giving developed leo energy.

the aspects chiron has represents how you deal with trauma, in any type of chart.

example

⤥ trine natal lilith 7H 18° (virgo degree): continuing with the chiron mentioned before, I struggled with my friendship so I “rebelled” to the situation I wasn’t comfortable with and started to be more independent -some characteristics lilith (mean) represents-. nowadays and never I think, it has been seen as good to do what you want to do without masks. in this case, I left the group and opened my eyes about the girl I “fought”, since the beginning she had some envy attitudes towards me I couldn’t decipher. 7H also represents enemies. virgo degree it’s at it finest when I stopped and analyzed the whole situation, being picky.

i don’t want to misinform or alarm the ones who are reading this, pls don’t take this seriously, it’s an observation I made based on others experiences, this post is not a must do book.

having a lot of chiron aspects in sr it’s giving you’re gonna experience something really traumatic. I’ve seen the solar return charts of family who lost their son/brother, between the year they’ve lost him and the other year, there’s more than 4 aspects. I believe it’s bc of the trauma effect. HOWEVER, pls remember the warning I made earlier.

9H chiron opposition saturn: I have a friend who was born in another country but she stays in another but she has to come back to her natal country to maintain her nationality. she told me his older brother had to be the “dad” bc her parents go back and ford to that another country for work, this means she lacks of a stable father figure, someone who’ll be strict with her, someone who she can support herself, and authority. could be loners.

urania (30) aspecting chiron: urania represents astrology/astronomy/cosmology. in greek mythology, urania was one of the nine muses, the goddess of the topics mentioned before and of universal love and holy spirit. when’s aspecting chiron, that represents how we can grow from our suffer, how we transform that pain and traumatic event that impacted our lives. it appears this connection. astrology is used as a way of healing, of knowing themselves. introspection. feel seen and being even shocked by how accurate astrology can be and how it makes you feel understood. I LOVE YOU SO FCKING MUCH ASTROLOGY THANKYOU BC OF YOU IM ALIVE HDHKWBFND. I have that aspect 🧍‍♀️-this was on my drafts on a post called “astrology helped to heal”, should I post it?

(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ૮꒰ྀི⸝⸝> . <⸝⸝꒱ྀིა ∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗ */ᐠ - ˕ -マ✩ (˶˃ᆺ˂˶)∗ ࣪

♡ Based on personal experience and I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

♡ English is not my first language.

♡ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

#astrology #astro observations #pinterest #astro posts #astro placements #astro notes #chiron #chiron observations #birth chart #solar return

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 9 months

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Have you discussed Jimin and Jungkook's rain fight?

There's dumpling fight bw vmin, banana fight bw hopekook etc.

But the rain fight between Jimin and Jungkook kind of stood out to me. Because it seems to have really affected Jungkook some way. It sounds like some kind of turning point in their friendship, especially from Jungkook's side.

I am not sending this ask to a shipper blog, coz they might be a bit biased, so sending in here.

I don't think I had the opportunity. I think I just mentioned something about Jungkook's storytelling skills in the context, but that's it.

Perhaps it was a turning point for Jungkook because he saw immediately the consequences to his actions. And not because of some banana, but in a situation in which someone close to him got really angry.

I'm trying to think of myself at that age and how I reacted to fights. For example, I would argue with my siblings all the time. We would say horrible things to each other and we would get into screaming matches. I didn't have that with my close friends. Until one day in high school. I was bummed out because I didn't do well on some final test and I kept telling myself that I was stupid. I couldn't shut up about it. My bff at that time, trying to make me understand how wrong it is to talk about myself like that and get a reality check, all of a sudden she approved me. She said "yes, you're absolutely right. You are stupid because you got a bad grade. Are you happy?" And because I was a dumb teenager, I stormed off, went home, cried a bit and then with two other friends, we all decided to meet at our favorite cafe, have a talk and get it over with. And then we didn't have another fight for many many years.

Do you think I took that as a life lesson? Or my friendship dynamic changed? Nah, we were 17 and still dumb and we had crushes and homework to think about. And now, more than a decade later, I get to listen to these two guys being so overly dramatic and taking responsibility and I'm thinking, wow, they were much more mature than I was. Or perhaps the friendship they had was really special. I mean, it must have been due to the context as well. They were both working day and night along other people because they had a goal in life. You have to grow up fast in a situation like that. Leaving home so early had a contribution. Jimin and Jungkook were lucky that they got along so well since the beginning and became close friends. You need that. I can speak from experience and unlike them, I didn't have the opportunity to make great friends while being away from home. But they did, they got each other so of course having a serious fight must have caused quite a big reaction and solving the conflict was like a soap opera/k-drama scene. Crying in the rain was the cherry on top.

The vmin dumpling incident was about work ethic and bruised egos and that too was dramatic. I think there was some physical altercation involved too, but that's just me and my imagination, don't take that seriously.

But in the rainy day fight, they were not on equal footing either. Jimin is the older and probably felt responsible for Jungkook's behavior. Then Jungkook had a big ego too and forgot his place. Trying to navigate that can lead to conflicts. (Remember Jin and Tae fighting during the tour? It's exactly that).

I personally don't see life as a series of life lessons. It's too random and we're too wrapped up in our own heads and our existence in order to realize we should learn something from that. Perhaps it's cultural as well. But the way in which both Jimin and Jungkook told the story, it did seem like an event that had marked the way they should behave with not only one another, but also in relation to those around them. At least they see that retrospectively. If I were to get into BTS now and discover this story, told from their point of view, it wouldn't take long for me to become their fan because they embody a type of relationship that one wishes to have, especially as a friendship.

#m thoughts #jimin #jungkook #jikook #jikook rainy day fight

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propertyoftoru · 1 year

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Tag game: Get to know me!

Thank you @abiaswreck for the tag! :] 🖤

1. Birthday?

8/11 (me and binnie are birthday twins)

2. Favorite color?

I'll say black but i dont really have a favorite!

3. How tall are you?

5’5 (and 3/4 thank you very much)

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

somewhere around 14 idk i gave up on counting

5. Favorite song?

for skz probably ssick or easy but not skz probably ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights

6. Favorite movie?

oh probably either the scream movies or unironically the twilight movies (theyre my childhood comfort movies)

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who makes me laugh and takes the time to understand me.

8. Do you want children?

I've said no for a really long time but i think if i met the right person and the circumstances were ideal then maybe.

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not really other than a few times of being a stupid teenager nothing serious though. Watching my parents screw up a lot when i was young probably had a lot to do with that.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

oh god i hate socks so much. i only wear them when i have to and not a second longer.

11. Favorite type of music?

this is such a cliché but i really do listen to everything. edm, pop, pop punk, metal, sad songs, happy songs, hell on occasion even a tiny bit of country (only carrie underwood lets not get carried away)

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2! One horizontal and one vertical. Kinda like a half body pillow i guess? idk i have to be hugging something to fall asleep.

13. What position do you sleep in?

im a diagnosed insomniac so really whatever position my body finally passes out in... there's a lot of tossing and turning most nights.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Bright lights (a tv or any sort of light on an appliance) or dead silence i need a fan or rain or SOMETHING.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yeah actually my grandfather used to take me hunting when i was younger. I never actually killed anything but i got pretty good at hitting cans and targets :]

16. Favorite fruit?

ohhhhh either strawberries or blackberries or pineapple... idk i love fruit so much.

17. Are you a good liar?

I can be when I have to be. I hate lying though it always brings drama and negative energy.

18. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T

19. Innie or outie?

Innie

20. Left or right handed?

Both! but I mostly use my right!

21. Favorite food?

Pineapple pizza (fight me Christopher Bang)

22. Favorite foreign food?

Oh my grandmother makes Jag on special occasions and its one of my favorites. Other than that as of recently ive been eating japchae so much i literally have a craving for it like every other day.

23. Are you clean or messy?

sigh. my room? depression disaster area. Everything else in my life? Severe OCD neat freak (im talking labels, sorted by color and size, the whole nine yards)

24. Most used phrase?

buh. it really has no meaning its just a sound i make about 200 times a day. i also swear like a sailor so if not buh then probably cunt or fuck.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on where im going and whos gonna be there. anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Of course, im the funniest and smartest person i know. (on a real note my hyperactive imagination goes crazy so i spend most days rambling to myself about nonsense.)

27. Do you sing to yourself?

All day everyday like im in a fucking musical or something.

28. Are you a good singer?

Eh. ive been told i am but i think i could be decent if i took lessons.

29. Biggest fear?

Sharks/The ocean (its more a fear of the unknown because what the fuck even lives down there)

30. Are you a gossip?

Absolutely not. I learned my lesson in middle/high school that shit brings nothing but bad vibes and negative energy.

31. Long or short hair?

I wish i could say short because my hair drives me crazy most days but i also hate how i look with short hair so long i suppose.

32. Favorite school subject?

English or Criminal Justice/Forensics

33. Extrovert or introvert?

introvert but situational extrovert (ill be extroverted if theres someone more introverted than me solely because i cannot stand awkward tension) not quite an ambivert but somewhere close to one.

34. What make you nervous?

Groups of super outgoing people. I always get too afraid to talk in fear of ruining the flow of conversation or being talked over.

35. Who was your first crush?

idk probably justin bieber or nick jonas

36. How many piercings do you have?

4. Both of my ears and both of my nipples. i want to get my bellybutton done soon though.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

9 but im hoping to work on my leg sleeve again soon.

38. How fast can you run?

Depends on whos chasing me.

39. What color is your hair?

Brown right now. It was half black half blonde but i wanted to focus on getting my hair healthy for a while.

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue/Green/Gray depends on who you ask and the lighting in the room.

41. What makes you angry?

Not much im a pretty calm person but when im playing video games thats a different story.

42. Do you like your name?

No. My father chose it and i dont speak to him.

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

IF i had a kid i would want a boy 100%. As someone whos mother had 3 babies when i was 16/17/18 i can confidently say little girls are the spawns of the devil and little boys are rays of sunshine.

44. What are your strengths?

Mental fortitude and my empathy for others.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I give second (and third and fourth) chances to people that do not deserve it.

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Light gray but i keep lots and lots of blankets around too.

47. What’s the color of your room?

Gray and dark blue.

Tagging for fun! Ignore if you don’t want it do it! Or ignore if you don’t feel comfortable!: @bbyquokka @lino-ppang @alphadisaster @aspenwritesstuff +anyone that wants to do this.

#pls ignore if you dont wanna do this #i hate tagging people because i dont wanna be annoying but i love being tagged in things #ashlee.talks

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lilimonarch · 7 months

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Doctor Hanahaki - The Memories that Never Return [9]

Doctor Hanahaki Prequel: Whumptober Spinoff!

Whumptober day 9: Polaroid and lyric prompt

Learning everything ain't what it seems, that's the thing about these days

"Who are they?"

Sugawara perked up from where he sat in his office, looking at one of the newer doctors who stared at him with beady blue eyes. He had taken a liking to the doctor in his residency, even though Sugawara was about done with his. "Friends, all that," he glanced at the polaroid pictures hung by his desk, full of what appeared to be joy. Sugawara thought Akaashi was strange, his desk had no sentimental decorations whatsoever. If anything, it appeared the younger doctor's only love was the screaming of sirens and the smell of sanitation.

"Can you tell me about some of the pictures?"

Sugawara chuckled a bit. They were both supposedly on their break (though they typically used that to fill out paperwork), he could spare the time. "I mean, I thought learning about stuff was going to be amazing, got accepted into a pre-med program, life was going swell. That stage when you want to learn everything about everything, when you feel invincible." Sugawara pointed to a polaroid with a taller male, a small grin on his face. "I guess that only applies when you're a kid."

One of Sugawara's biggest lessons was seeing his father come home with an alcohol bottle and beating his mother half to death. When he was younger, his mother would hide him in closets, or tell him it was an early night. Sugawara remembers being so excited when his mom told him he was going to have a sleepover at Daichi's house, never questioning why so soon.

Now, he's 16, standing in front of his mother and taking a bottle smash to the shoulder, but defending his mother nonetheless. A shrilling scream as he held his shoulder in agony, but pushing his disgrace of a father away with whatever strength he had left.

His next greatest lesson, seeing an overdose in person. Sugawara's horrid father, he's forever thankful he took his mother's last name. Waking up early before a match on a Saturday, seeing white powder dusting the living room coffee table and the man face down on the carpet. Sugawara has memories of playing in the snow, making cookies with his mother and making a mess with the white flour. This, he knew, was not snow or flour.

Now, he's 17, unsure of what to do with such a disgrace of a man, dead in his living room. This was the one time future Dr. Sugawara Koushi rejected someone in need, ignoring the tears which fell from his face and leaving the house to meet up with Daichi. After all, they had a match to play, a game to win.

Another one of Sugawara's biggest lessons was coming from school after volleyball practice, seeing his mother unconscious in a bloodied bathtub, her mouth hanging out and the color drained from her face as a knife sat on the edge of the bathtub. Sugawara shook his head and screamed, reaching for his phone to call an ambulance as he lifted the woman out of the tub, holding her close. He recalls falling asleep in her arms and her sweet lullabies whenever he had nightmares.

Now, he's 18, holding his mother to his chest as she took her last breaths, her long gone when the paramedics arrived. Crying and screaming as the paramedics pulled him away, him knowing he was truly alone.

"That's Daichi, he's my fiancé," Sugawara chuckled, looking at the polaroid. "He's been with me since day one, through the good and bad. It's important to have those people you lean on, I don't think I would have survived High School without him," 100% the truth. After the death of his mother, Daichi's family took him in. It was odd to be living in his boyfriend's house, (he can't count the times his mother would burst in on their room expecting something, only to find the pair doing homework or discussing volleyball strategies), but he survived that because of Daichi. "My past is rough, wish I didn't see what I saw, but you know, we see a lot worse here than anywhere."

Akaashi looked away. "Dr. Sugawara?" He asked, twiddling his fingers. "You said it's important to have someone to lean on, someone to help you with rough memories." Sugawara acknowledged the worries, tilting his head. "I don't have memories, or anyone. From high school, I mean. Well, I don't really want to learn about who I was back then, either. I want to move on."

Sugawara nodded, laying a hand on Akaashi's shoulder. "Say, I want to start a clinic when I'm properly done with my residency. Sometime in the future, and I could use a partner." He gave the shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to learn about the past if you don't want to, but I can be that person you lean on. How does that sound?"

Akaashi nodded.

#whumptober 2023 #Learning everything ain't what it seems that's the thing about these days #no.9 #polaroid #fandom #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#fanfiction #doctor hanahaki prequel #the memories that never return #akaashi keiji #haikyuu akaashi #sugawara koushi #haikyuu sugawara #hospital #whumptober #hospital au #a little more graphic than the others oops

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casualjacobwrites · 8 months

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FFXIV Write 2023 Prompt #17 - Make-Up Day (prompt 16)

I'm bringing back Garaile and making up for missing Prompt 16 - Jerk. He's my non-WoL alt whose backstory I explained a bit for the Barbarous prompt. One day I'll write his story and explain the whole thing with Kaia, who is the orphan he saves.

Word Count: 720

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“You...you're such a jerk!”

Garaile staggered backward as if he'd been struck. Over the course of his unnaturally long life he had been called far worse, but somehow hearing Kaia's shout at him in anger hurt him worse than any other insult slung his way. He gazed down at her diminutive figure to see her green eyes filling with tears. Her lower lip jutted out in a pout as she made a fist to smack his thigh.

Unfazed by her punch, Garaile knelt before her and tried to reach for her hands. She pulled away shaking her head in defiance. “You can't. You can't leave me here! I wanna stay with you and Briar and Buffalo.” Several conjurers turned their heads upon hearing the little girl's wailing then quickly looked away when Brother E-Sumi-Yan cleared his throat.

“Kaia, I told you, it's not safe for you in Ul'dah,” Garaile said softly. For someone capable of making grown men piss their pants in fear with a glare, he was helpless in the face of a child's grief. “It's better for you here, and the elementals will protect you.” He reached a tentative hand up to stroke her hair feeling gladdened when she didn't try to move away from his touch. “You belong here.”

She sniffled and wiped at her face. “Will you visit me?”

He glanced over her shoulder to see Brother E-Sumi-Yan's stern expression. It would be easier to lie, but Kaia deserved better than a lie. “I can't. Perhaps later, Briar can come to Gridania, Buffalo too.”

Kaia's face scrunched up again as another sob shook her frail form. “Will I ever see you again?”

Before Garaile could respond, E-Sumi-Yan spoke. “Mayhaps when you are older, after you have mastered your conjury.” The Padjal approached and crouched down next to Garaile. As he continued, his voice remained soothing and calm. “For now, you must stay here with us in the Stillglade Fane. Do you know your letters?” He smiled when Kaia nodded her head. “Then you can write to one another. He'll tell you about your friends in Ul'dah and you will be able to tell him what you learn here.”

For a mercy Kaia seemed somewhat mollified. E-Sumi-Yan gestured for one of the conjuring students to come over. “Now, why don't you go with my friend here to get some food and a new robe? We'll start your lessons in the morning.”

Kaia nodded her head and turned to follow the student only to spin around at the last moment with her arms thrown wide. She thrust herself into Garaile, hugging his neck for all she was worth. He responded in kind with a gentle embrace, holding her for several long seconds before urging her to let go.

“Listen to Brother E-Sumi-Yan and the elementals. They will never steer you wrong,” he said. He tapped his finger against the tip of her nose just like his father had done with him as a child. “I promise I'll write to you as soon as I get back.”

Wiping her face again, Kaia finally agreed to leave. Garaile was quick to exit the building soon after with Brother E-Sumi-Yan following close behind him. When he stepped outside, he turned his face skyward and took a deep breath. He would not cry, gods damnit.

“She'll be safe here,” E-Sumi-Yan said in a quiet voice. “I will guard her with my life.”

Garaile nodded with a shaky exhale. “I know.”

“If ever your compatriots wish to visit, simply let me know and I'll arrange for lodging at the Canopy.”

“That's...kind of you,” he replied.

“She has lost so much already. I'm not so cruel as to cut her off from people she's come to trust.” The guild master reached up to pat Garaile's shoulder. “I made that mistake once and have regretted it ever since.” He waited a second then added, “But I will never admit it to anyone.”

Garaile blinked, his jaw going slack with surprise. It took his brain a few heartbeats to fully process what the other man had said. “I'm sure you did what you had to do.”

The two men said their farewells and Garaile was quick to go to the airship landing. As he boarded the platform, a breeze ruffled his hair.

Thank you, he heard.

#ffxivwrite #ffxivwrite2023 #CasualJacob's writing

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starryflix · 1 year

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Teachers

The 26th of November, 2022

So, how to explain to people that a good one and a half year after graduating high school you are still in contact with your old mentor? That is most definitely the case for me. We (kinda, I am only home on the weekends) live in the same town, not all that far from another, but it's not like I come from a small village at all. It's not all that common to keep that good of contact with an old teacher.

I ran into her yesterday and she seemed really happy to see me, as I had spend an entire year abroad and have now moved 3 hours away for my studies. She then asked me if I'd like to join her and her wife and kids for a walk with lights for a Dutch children's holiday.

I talked with her a while during the walk, and am, just like last summer with all of my friends actually, been invited to stop by for tea another time to catch up in a more convenient setting. I will get back to her later.

I have a handful of teachers during my 16 years in the school system that have been of great importance for who I am as today and it has furthered my ideas that schools and teachers can actually leave a good and big impact on the next generation if they really wish to do so. Good teachers truly care about their students.

The first two teachers to achieve this were my year 5 (I think if translated to the English/American system? It's 'groep 7' in the Dutch system.) and year 6 (Groep 8) teachers. My 5th grade teacher is the one that pushed my drawing and once told me I would be a writer one day. 10 year old me called him crazy but he did turn out to be right.

I am writing and planning an entire Fantasy Novel.

Whenever I went back to visit my primary school for several reasons, one of which being picking up my younger sibling, he always asked me to see my drawings and showed them to his students. They were apparently always so impressed that I even got asked to give a few guest lessons where I tought them to draw. This actually continued on even after his retirement with my year 6 teacher, another one of great importance as she always felt generally so safe and calm, someone who gave me the same support as the year 5 one. Most of the trouble started when I was 9, but even before that I dealt a lot with being excluded and left out, and thus these two teachers gave me the first bout of confidence in my own abilities and naturally saw my interests in art, writing and teaching and instead of berating me for practicing them they supported me. 10-11 year old me needed that confidence a lot. They gave me extra tips and tricks and opportunities to utilise my talents. Every time I hesitated if I should just quit or give up I could hear their voices in the back of my mind pushing me forwards.

Then came my first year of high school which was hell. The teachers were not understanding at all, I had just started topsport and I was 11-almost-12 and struggling. I was young, I admit. The Dutch schooling system also does not know a middle school so it was a large leap and I felt unsupported through the entirety of it. Never mind being actually bullied there for not being 'normal' and for apparently underachieving even when I got a passing grade.

It took a lot of my energy and when I finally decided to switch schools a lot of me had been lost to insecurity and fear.

Insert my theater and history teacher of my second and third years. (year 8 and 9 for the american system)

My theatre teacher helped me find a passion through the arts again, as did a large part of the art department. I was pushed to do what I enjoyed and to stop caring about others. It helped me along greatly. Then came my third year of high school, the most traumatic year of my life and details be damned my mother got diagnosed with cancer for the third time and was sure not to survive. Bless my history teacher and mentor of that year for the way he handled it. 2016-17, a godawful year that he helped me through swimmingly. He made it easy for me to communicate with him, he supported and talked with me whenever needed and made sure to also care for the communication with the other teachers and the higher ups. He has supported me more than I can ever put to words, also in the change from lower-high school to higher-high school. The transition from year 3 to 4, with completely new teachers and a new mentor went also so swift due to his tenacity and care and I will forever be thankful for my theater and history teacher for caring so much. They even went to my mother's funeral as to support me a little, since they seemed aware I took a great deal of strength from their support. They went beyond what they were expected to do. Beyond what anyone expects of a school, of teachers. Yet they were there to help me. I was 13 and 14 at the time and this was the external support I was missing, they filled in where friends were supposed to be. Friends I didn't have.

I just want to make a really clear note that everything of course went within professional boundaries and never once was there any question of anything else or other intent. With recent stories and such surfacing I want to clarify that none of that was the case. I have multiple witnesses and friends, among family and my father to contest to this. They were all parental figures in a sense.

Another teacher important in my third year was my English teacher, English teacher M. (as the other one, my mentor S, is the other one that's important haha... Gay kids and English teachers.. I guess.)

M was super sweet and by doing a very simple thing helped me immensely. It's hard for a lot of people that knew me around that time to fathom me flunking my English class, but I went from a 4 to a 9 within a year all because M realised that learning simple grammar wasn't working for me. In turn she told me I could neglect some of my homework and I should just start writing. There it is again; writing apparently a magic word. I would write something and she would read it and correct any mistakes. This way I learned a lot more than by simply following the lessons.

Then onto two of the most important teachers I ever had in my life. L, my social sciences teacher and mentor and S, the mentor and English teacher mentioned earlier and at the beginning. L and S, as it turned out, are also best friends. I didn't know this until like three years into meeting both of them.

They kind of became mother figures after my mother passed away. Just two adults I looked up. L had studied psychology and it's thanks to her I opened up and started talking and didn't hesitate to search for professional help. She asked me the right questions when I didn't even know myself. I was known to omit the actual answer and answer with facts whenever someone asked if I was okay and L was the best in figuring out how to actually get me to talk. S came later and took over from L. But both never stopped making sure I was doing alright, mentally and in the educational sense. I wish I could honestly put into words what they did for me, how important they still are even if I left the school two years ago. These two... truly. What I said before of the teachers from my second high school going beyond, these two went so far and were so important and intertwined with my last four years (I had to resit my 5th year, again 11th in the american system) and stood up for me and guided me whenever I struggled. When S was diagnosed with cancer she cared more about me than some (in my opinion) more important people, she notified my dad of the news beforehand, before telling it to me, to make sure he could support me and knew what was going on, she asked him if it would be better to tell me earlier or to tell me with the rest of the class. She told our mentor class before informing some of her colleagues. At that point in time only her direct family and the directors of the school knew about it. And I was next on that list of important people. It still baffles me, and I still want to sometimes hit her upside the head for taking care of me before anything else.

L, at this point in time, had already silently taken over mentorship for me. And S kept repeating that she understood if I liked to have L more as a mentor than her multiple times, while in all reality both were kind of accidentally doing the same things anyway. These two cared about me when it seemed no one else (besides my family) did and helped me ground myself, find myself on my feet again.

L once asked me if I thought I wouldn't have run into mental problems sans my mother anyway. It was a 'what if?' question but she poised a point that was important. I was dealing with more than just grief at the same time. And L and S helped me through all of it, whether direct or indirect. When I started to (more openly) struggle with my sexuality and gender, but also confidence and finding my footing and finding friends, these two were there to help me figure out any doubts. Specifically because while I knew my dad would be accepting it wouldn't have been the same, and coming out to him was really scary. There is honestly so so much to say and tell about these two incredible human beings. It just makes me look up to them that much more.

Teachers, and just in general role models in life, can leave such a big and positive impact behind. It seems a little silly in hindsight, penning this down, knowing damn well my experience is a special case and an odd one, but it shows in a hyperbole the impact someone can have on someone else's life even by being simply sweet and accepting. To just simply support someone and someone's interests.

Coming back on S, I sometimes truly miss seeing her face at school everyday. But I also know that I will always be welcome to stop by for a cup of tea and a chat. Even if it's been years.

S is someone who might give a little too much of her self for the sake of others, one day I just hope I can return her a favour. She means a lot to me.

I think a lot of my inspiration comes from the people I have met and their stories. I think a lot of our inspiration comes from our experiences of meeting other people. And it's rather fascinating.

#Felix' Blog (a collection tag)#personal thoughts #teachers #school

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johnhardinsawyer · 2 years

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So Much to Say

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

6 / 12 / 22 – Trinity Sunday

John 16:12-15

Romans 5:1-5

“So Much to Say”

(Bearing the Mystery)

When I was in seminary, as some of you have heard before, I had a summer internship in the mountains of New Mexico at Philmont Scout Ranch. Philmont welcomes tens-of-thousands of Scouts from all over the country and world to backpack for five, ten, or twenty-one days through the wilderness of the Sangre de Christo mountains. It’s beautiful, rugged, and quite remote. As a seminary intern, I was serving as a Chaplain that summer – leading worship and providing pastoral care – sometimes driving and hiking miles into the mountains to see people.

One morning that summer, I received a phone call from a man in the Midwest who wanted me to carry a message to his son who was out on the trail with his Scout troop. Apparently, the boy’s grandfather had died and the boy’s father asked me to bring the boy off the trail so that he could tell his son face-to-face about the grandfather’s death. The father didn’t want me to tell the boy any details except to say that someone had died and his dad was on the way to give him the news, in person.

Naïvely respecting the man’s wishes, I drove up into the mountains, found the boy, and said that he was going to have to come off of the trail. “Why?” he asked me. “I’m sorry to say that someone has died,” I said. “Who?” he asked, with worry on his face. “Well,” I said, “your father is on the way to tell you.” “Did my mom die?” the boy asked. “No,” I said. “Did my sister die?” “No,” I said. “Did my grandmother die?” “No,” I said. “Did my grandfather die?” the boy asked. “Ummmm. . . yes,” I said, feeling bad that I was betraying the wishes of the boy’s father. “Well which grandfather died?” the boy asked. “Uuuuuuhhhhhh. . . .” I said.

The truth was, I didn’t know. I hadn’t done a good job writing down the name of the poor old grandfather who had died. “Just come with me,” I said, “and we’ll meet up with your dad when he drives in tomorrow.” We drove down the mountain, got back down to where there was a telephone. The boy called home and his father still wouldn’t tell him over the phone who had died. “I’ll tell you when I get there,” he told his son. Of course, then, because of some unknown complications, the father was delayed by four or five days and his son had to sit there and wait with this dark cloud of mystery and grief hanging over his head.

You know, I’ve had over twenty years to think about this whole exchange and my role in it and I’m still a bit baffled as to why the grieving father couldn’t tell his son the truth over the phone. Maybe he didn’t think his son could bear the news. Maybe the father couldn’t bear the news, himself. We do try to protect the ones we love from hurt and harm, don’t we? The same way we will often try to protect ourselves. And nobody likes getting or giving bad news.

In today’s reading from the Gospel of John, Jesus has just finished a meal with his friends, the disciples. The supper began in a fairly normal way and then things got a bit awkward. First, Jesus kneels down and washes his disciples’ feet in an incredibly intimate image of servanthood. Next, Jesus says that one of his disciples is going to betray him and a disciple named Judas storms out into the night. Next Jesus says that his friend Peter is going to deny him, which is shocking news. And then Jesus starts to give his disciples a kind of beautiful final laundry list of a lesson before he leaves them – telling them to love one another,[1] and how he is “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6), and how he is going somewhere that his disciples cannot follow. Jesus then says that he will send something – someone – called the “Spirit of truth” (14:17) who will abide with them and be in them. And then he goes on speaking for a whole other chapter, talking about abiding in God and self-sacrifice, and (again) how he is going away,[2] before finally arriving at today’s reading.

All of this a lot to handle – mentally and emotionally – for Jesus’ friends. Which is, perhaps, why Jesus tells them in today’s reading, “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.” (16:12) “There is so much more that I can tell you, but I can tell by the look on your faces that now is not the time.” “You cannot bear anymore right now.” In the original language, Jesus is saying that all of this is too much to “endure.”[3]

Whoever first said that “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear,” was possibly reading today’s passage when they had that deep thought. But sometimes, life does give you more than you can bear – mentally and emotionally. I don’t know about you, but there are times in my own life when someone has shared so much with me – be it emotional news, or technical information, or some other material – that I kind of need a break because I cannot take any more in the moment. It’s just too much for my little old brain to mentally absorb. I recently led a funeral service for someone whose family asked me to keep things very simple, because anything more would just be too much for them, emotionally. In this time of trying to stay “in-the-know” about what is going on in the world, consuming the news can be kind of like drinking from an information firehose. Combine this with the needs of our loved ones, and running a household, and finishing another school year, and dealing with all of the things we have to deal with, it can all be just too much for us – and our spirits – to bear. The world, itself, is so much that we cannot bear it all. It’s just too much. Maybe we need some help to bear it all, so that – perhaps – we can endure a bit more of it and maybe understand part of it and our place in it.

This is why Jesus – right after saying that there are things too much for us to bear – goes on to say, “When the Spirit of truth comes, [the Spirit] will guide you into all the truth.” (16:13) Eugene Peterson translates it in this way:

I still have many things to tell you, but you can’t handle them now. But when the Friend comes, the Spirit of Truth, [they] will take you by the hand and guide you into all the truth there is.”[4]

When life gives us more than we can bear, God sends the Spirit, like a Friend who will walk with us. The Holy Spirit is an essential part of the life of faith, but is also an essential part of the life that we live in this heavy and complex world.

Now, if you were to, say, turn to your neighbor and ask them who the Holy Spirit is or if you were to walk into the grocery store this afternoon and ask the first person you saw who the Holy Spirit is, I wonder what kind of answers you might get. Some people might just shrug their shoulders and say, “Mmm-Mmm?!?”[5] Maybe you’ll get someone who has been to church a bit who might say that whenever someone talks about the Spirit, it is part of the “sign of the cross,” or connected in some way to the Father and the Son. Someone else might say that whatever it is, it’s either not all that important or it’s too big for us to fully understand. Kind of like God. . . Too big. Too much to bear.

The mystery of the Triune God is a lot for us to try to understand – maybe too much, at times. But this is Trinity Sunday on the church calendar, so here goes. . . One of the things that we will often sing in our hymns and say in our prayers is that the God we believe in is One “God. . . in three persons.”[6] The language of the Prayer of Confession today talked about how, within the life of God, there is “mutuality, equality, and diversity.”[7] This is kind of a fancy, churchy, way of saying that the three distinct persons of God the Creator, God the Son, and God the Spirit support one another, are on equal footing with one another, and are active in the life of the world in diverse and distinct ways. The Holy hope of the Triune God is that God’s own people would seek to emulate this in the ways that we support one another, and strive to be on equal footing, and are active in the life of the world in diverse and distinct ways.

To put it another way, the Triune God is all about community with and for one another and God is calling us to be all about community with and for one another, too.

I know that there might be some of you who came to church this morning all excited to hear about the perichoretic mutuality of the Triune God. And my hat is off to you theologians who get excited about some of this stuff. But I know that for some of you, it’s all you could do to get here today and you just want to hear some good news. You just want some hope so that you can make it through. Maybe you feel like life is too much for you to bear, or the world is too much to bear, or all of the things that you think you’re supposed to know or have figured out by now are too much to bear. And here is your pastor talking about the perichoretic mutuality of the Triune God and it’s just too much.

There is so much to say – so much that can be said – but in the end, it’s mostly mystery. In the end, all I want you to know is that God loves you and is with you in ways that you don’t need to fully understand in order to still be like Jesus. I want you to know that the Spirit has come to help us bear the truth of who Jesus is and how we – as a community of believers – can be more like Jesus. Jesus tells us this in today’s passage, saying that the truth of his divine purpose – set out by God the Father – has been declared and shown by Jesus and that the Spirit will help us to understand this purpose and live it out, ourselves. This does not have to be some complex thing, though, that is too much to bear.

You know, if I could go back, I would have written the boy’s grandfather’s name down and I would have found him in the wilderness and just told him the truth as lovingly as I could. And then I would have sat with him as the truth sank in. This is the way that I could have been most like Jesus. This is the way that I could have been a better vessel of the Holy Spirit. This is the way that I could have been the friend the boy needed in the moment. And, if the father had gotten mad about it when he finally showed up, I would have lovingly tried to be his friend, too.

Sometimes, it’s all too much to bear, but if we have someone who will help us bear it then it might just be a bit more bearable. This is the job of the Holy Spirit. The world is often too much to bear, but the Spirit says, “I’ll help you bear it.” And, whoever you are – however heavy your life is right now – we, as the church, the Body of Christ with the Holy Spirit working through us will help you bear it.

It’s all so much. Sometimes, it’s too much. But you are not alone.

Thanks be to God.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

------------

[1] John 13:31-35.

[2] See John 15 and 16.

[3] Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1979) 137.

[4] Eugene Peterson, The Message – Numbered Edition (Colorado Springs: NAV Press, 2002) 1482.

[5] “I don’t have any idea.”

[6] “Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty!” from Glory to God: The Presbyterian Hymnal (Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2013) Hymn # 1. Text: Reginald Heber (1827).

[7] Kimberly Bracken Long, ed. Feasting on the Word – Liturgies for Year C, Volume 2 (Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2013) 2.

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ladydihria · 2 years

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"It's mad twisted, but surviving showed me it’s better to be alive wishing I was dead than dying wishing I could live forever. If I can lose it all and change my attitude, you need to do the same before it’s too late, dude. You gotta go for it"

"That love is a superpower we all have, but it’s not always a superpower I’d be able to control. Especially as I get older. Sometimes it’ll go crazy and I shouldn’t be scared if my power hits someone I’m not expecting it to."

"Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. Neither are End Days"

"Entire lives aren’t lessons, but there are lessons in lives."

"You may be born into a family, but you walk into friendships. Some you’ll discover you should put behind you. Others are worth every risk."

"“People have their time stamps on how long you should know someone before earning the right to say it, but I wouldn’t lie to you no matter how little time we have. People waste time and wait for the right moment and we don’t have that luxury. If we had our entire lives ahead of us I bet you’d get tired of me telling you how much I love you because I’m positive that’s the path we were heading on. But because we’re about to die, I want to say it as many times as I want—I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

They both die at the end by Adam Silvera

What will you do if you would stumble in a caller with whom told you are gonna have a day to live? Well, the story I've read is all about these two boys age 17 and 18 who was notified by the death cast that they only have 24 hours to live. Rufus and Mateo are both having their call from death cast for their approaching death, but due to this last friend app wherein all people who got a call from death cast would be able to find a last friend through this app. Thus, Mateo and Rufus with the help of this app cross their path, two boys with different stories with a countdown for their death would spend their remaining time together to live their lives. I've always read a recommendation about this book in my book community group pages they said its the best book they've read blahblah blah. But as I first read the chapter1, the plot is not so good for my taste. You know I've usually read a heavy genre with its good plot. And this Adam silvera They both die at the end is not what I expected yes! I put a lot of expectation towards this story but it failed me a bit. But I really like these two teenagers who are fighting to live even though they only have a day to do so. And as I continued to be indulge in this story I find it very inspiring. The character of Mateo really fitted my description of myself, he's invisible and careful to every move he do he kinda scared of showing his true self but as he met Rufus together they conquer their demons inside of them.

I have this thoughts if only we could have braveness to be who we are then we would not have wasted a lot of time hiding our truest self. If only I could find myself, then at this age of 19 I could be who I am and find my true passion in life. I will be having a lot more time to enjoy everything I have physically and internally. But here I am still waiting for my purpose, right now I'm envious of these two character who at least live their lives fighting, and letting themselves free from hostile doubts within them.

On the contrary I dont wanna have this death cast to exist its better to die without you being notified before your death by this certain freak organization who can perceive your mortality. Yes its has an advantage to say goodbye to your love ones if you knew you will be gone in a minute or two but somehow its better to leave it the way it should be in order for our living beloved to learn to heal and accept death as a part of our life.

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kkusuka · 3 years

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CONGRATULATIONS FOR 3K!!!! i am really happy for you! i love your writing and i believe you deserve each of your followers.

please, headcanons for jujutsu kaisen! i'd like king of curses sukuna, where he marries the reader, which is a princess from another continent to expand his territories (we all know that if sukuna wants territories he would just take them by force, he is the king after all, but that's just a detail) — unaware that he would find a tough woman, who does not like the idea of marriage and hates him. it would be funny to have some dynamics queen x king. like hate sex; an important dinner with the court and they start throwing food at each other; the reader doesn't like the idea of concubines and send them away; how would he react? how did they fall in love? you don't have to write about everything i said, choose tree of them by the rules, but just seeing this idea here would be incredible! oh, and she/her pronouns please. thank you so much!!!

a/n: I……….. love this. I really hope I did the ask justice!

Well firstly, he probably takes a wife because he needs someone to clean the temple, and he’s sick of the town’s sacrifices. And what better for him than taking more land! That’s where you come in, lovely princess Y/n of the northern continent!

He was sure you would be some frail, shy little lamb that would do anything he says. Like a little maid for him to order around.

So his first opinion of you was that you were going to be a bore. And, in his defense, you gave him no reason to think otherwise. The first day you were there, you didn’t say a single word… to anyone. Not even a maid. So he really thought he would just kill you and tell everyone that you went missing.

He tried, on the sending night in the mansion he invited you to a diner with him. (aw, your first dinner as a married couple!) well- that’s if you had bothered to show up. For an hour, 12 minutes, and 17 seconds he waited for you to arrive in the dining hall. He was just fed up. How dare you? Did you know who he was? What he could do in a split second?

He was at your room door within seconds--- since you both refused to sleep in the same room-- and you opened the door like you hadn’t done a thing.

“Where the fuck were you?” -- he was already barging his way into your room, you calmly closed the door and waltzed back to your couch. Where he assumed you had spent your time before he came. “When I invitee you to dinner, you will be there”

“And if I don't want to?”

“Excuse me?” He was shocked. Angered. Deadly. Turned on? He really didn’t know but he was truly infuriated you even spoke back to him, never mind questioned his authority.

“I said,” you sighed. sling over the arm of the couch, tilting your head to the Demon before you, “what if I don't want to? I had no intention to entertain you over dinner this evening, nor do I any other time. So if you are here to berate me or spout about your authority, I suggest you take your leave.”

Spoiler alert (not really, just the expression) - you guys fucked until the sun came up, all over the same couch.

Somehow this became a common occurrence. Him doing something o annoy you, you doing something back, then taking your anger out on the other in a night full of moans and the sound of skin slapping.

And you held your word too, you didn’t show up to anything. But you did start sending people to tell him you wouldn’t be coming and repeatedly told him how disgusting you thought he was and how you hated him. Eventually, he was just fed up, he didn’t care what you thought of him and if you were only going to fuck him when you were angry, he would just firn another lady to fuck.

And, lord knows you hate him, but you were fucking married. And if you really hated one thing, it was infidelity. Your father had multiple concubines and you saw what it did to your mother and you would be damned if you let the same happen to you.

“Who the fuck is this, Sukuna?’ you were livid. The bastard looked so proud of himself, having some random commoner on his lap.

“This is Yui. I plan to make her a concubine this coming Sunday.” in all honesty, you should have expected this. A true heartless monster he was. You knew all about his womanizing way and how many women he went through, and you couldn’t exactly say he couldn’t have a concubine.

You really were stuck between a rock and a hard place. Reminded of your mother, you take the action you wish she did, “Fine, but if I see her- in any sense- I will have her head.” his laugh echoed down the hallway until you reached your wing.

And true to your word, only two months later, she was seated in your seat at the dinner table. Unfortunately for her she never got to see the rest of the meal- a new lesson was learned, your warnings were not to be ignored.

Now, there was one event, not even you could evade; the monthly council dinner party. The most annoying party either of you had ever been to.

It was boring and was clearly just a hoax for nobles to get in your good graces. But, somehow, you both bonded over how much you hated it. You spent the whole time making fun of people’s outfits and how fancy all the food was- small portions really are the worst.

“Who let her walk out of the house like that?” you laughed into your wine glass. Sukuna doing the same, eyes darting to a woman fake laughing somewhere in the corner of the room. Clad in all brown the woman was an eyesore at best.

“The same person who allowed Dutchess Haruknuka out in that hat.”

You guys really just spent the night fooling around and talking shit. It was also the time you started playing games with him, predicting who would finish their food first, seeing who could catch more cheese cubes in their mouth, how much wine you could down in one go.

You still held a strong resentment against him, but he was becoming more and more tolerable.

So, falling in love wasn’t really falling. It was more like a crash through a glass store window into a china shop.

It didn’t happen often, but the mansion gets attacked by some “heroic” people trying to save the people from the demon king.

But this was the first time they had directly attacked your wing of the mansion. It was late before he heard a word about the attack, rushing over to protect his queen- when he began to call you that he didn’t know. The sight that greeted him was you fighting off grown men- covered I their blood, with barely a scratch, though he knew you beginning to be fatigued.

Just as you struck another man down, you let your guard down and was open to a blow to the back of your head, if he hadn’t stepped in the shielded you with his own body- the man falling dead at your feet.

Something in your eyes told him that protecting you with his life would become a pretty common occurrence.

A tiny little headcanon bonus:

Your first baby was a son and when he first learned to walk Sukuna would push him down every time he stood up near him and the only way you could get him to stop was by throwing baby toys at him.

tags: @diamond-3 @rinsangel @heyheyitsne @angelalje @monisi @crystal-lilac

#sukuna ryoumen x reader #sukuna x reader smut #sukuna ryomen #ryomen sukuna #sukuna fluff #sukuna smut #sukuna x reader #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk fluff #jujustu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #sukuna #i love this man

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jojikawa · 3 years

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Mrs. Bucciarati | Bruno Bucciarati x Fem! Reader | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

┊❥ Part 6 - Down Time

MASTERLIST

✧『Fandom』: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

✧『Character』: Bruno Bucciarati

✧『Word Count』: 3,129 words 16,714 characters

✧『Summary』: The group kills time as they wait for Giorno and Mista to reach their destination.

The group quickly made its way back on the road to Venezia. Mista, Fugo, and Giorno were on the surface, driving the car while everyone else stayed inside to protect Trish as a second line of defense.

Inside the turtle, you had been sitting in between Narancia and Abbacchio. You had sat there first because Narancia wanted to show you something in the magazine he was reading but Abbacchio made it awkward by sitting next to you.

You had taken notice because previously, he was trying to avoid you.

Bruno was sitting on the other side of the table, his head tucked into the laptop that was used for communications. You wanted to talk but you felt like that would be distracting since he wanted to focus.

You didn’t know why but often, you would think of the first time the two of you met and the events that followed. You used to cringe at the memory of it but now that you were sure about your feelings towards him, it was wholesome.

One of your favorite memories with him was during a “charity” event your father held a few years ago. It wasn’t actually for anything charity-related.

Just another excuse to greet Italian capos. You hated it. You hated how corrupt your father was. He had a way of keeping investors while still doing dirty work.

Amongst them was Polpo from Passione in Italy and with him was a young Bruno Bucciarati. He was 17 at the time and you had just turned 16. Polpo agreed to take Bruno with him after much begging on his part. The boy just wanted to see you again.

That night, you were completely upset. Your father wanted you to sing since he and much of the staff agreed you had a nice singing voice. You were too nervous and honestly, you couldn’t even see yourself singing well at all. This upset him and he made you stay by him all night.

The ball was boring until Bruno had arrived. He found you quickly and wanted to talk. He figured that you were being held hostage by your father and wanted to help.

When we walked over, he cleared his throat. “Excuse me.” He said, grabbing your father’s attention. Your father had been speaking to a popular district attorney.

“It’s an honor to have been invited here, Mr. (l/n).” Bruno bowed, trying to seem as gentlemanly as possible.

Your father finished up his conversation before nodding the attorney away and taking a sip of his drink. “Oh, Bruno Bucciarati. I didn’t know Polpo was bringing you. I’m sure I only sent out one invitation.” Your father joked, even laughing when no one found it funny.

You just tried to tune him out, fiddling with your dress that was the same color as your father’s tuxedo.

Bruno humored him, laughing as well. “Well, you see, I couldn’t pass up the chance of hearing (y/n) sing so I had Polpo make room for one more.” His eyes lingered over to you. Bruno seemed so friendly and soft but he was tall for his age and it was almost intimidating…

You looked away, blushing after seeing the innocent twinkle in his eyes when he saw you were all dressed up. Normally, you were wearing loungewear since you were always inside. You looked so stunning!

“That’s too bad because little (y/n) over here decided that she didn’t want to help me pull any investors and she’s not singing at all tonight.” Your father lazily waved his hand in your direction, sipping more of his wine.

“I don’t believe I can sing. I’ve never had any lessons.” You spoke up for the first time. Your father narrowed his eyes at you. “Then after tonight, we’re getting you some.”

You sighed, looking away from your father and off to the side. This was so awkward… you wanted to leave.

Bruno saw what was unfolding and intervened before things could escalate.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Mr. (l/n). I’m sure (y/n) has an amazing voice. She’s just shy and there’s nothing wrong with that. Perhaps, I can help her build her confidence.” He offered his hand to you. You just stared at it.

Your father sighed. “I suppose so. I trust you, Bruno.”

Your father then let you spend the night with him and it was a lot better than just standing around.

All night, Bruno had been such a gentleman and even slow danced with you when no one was watching. You weren't very good and neither was he but you still found it enjoyable.

You had been reminiscing about the past when your thoughts were interrupted by Bruno who had been speaking to Abbacchio.

Bruno had gotten a message on the laptop asking Abbacchio to use his stand to reveal a message that was left behind.

Everyone had gathered around and you got up to look too.

Abbacchio decided to go back 15 hours. The person Moody Blues took the shape off was of the older man you had seen when you all first picked up Trish.

He explained more instructions for the team to follow. You felt so out of place. Everything about this was so bizarre. The moment you get to be with Bruno, you get wrapped up in some elaborate plan. You haven’t sat down with him since you arrived.

When you came to, you saw the image of Mr. Pericolo with a gun to his head. You had only zoned out for a moment! What happened?

Pericolo explained that because of his influence, the enemy knows that he’s helping Bruno deliver Trish. He isn’t a stand user so he doesn’t know how he could defend himself.

His only escape was killing himself before they got to him. It was tragic but these are things you sign up for in Passione.

He pulled the trigger and you saw red before Bruno hugged you to his chest and turned around to block the image of what you almost saw.

You tried to resist but he only held you tighter until the image of it was gone.

“Oh my god!!” You heard Narancia yell.

Trish and Abbacchio were speechless. You had wished that Bruno could’ve used his energy to protect the eyes of one of the children, especially Trish, but it was over now.

You wanted to cry but you were in so much shock. You felt like after everything was over, you would need some kind of therapy. It’s only been a few days and you’ve endured so much trauma. You were just a human.

“Bruno…” you tried to loosen his grip. “…let go.”

He squeezed you again when you had said his name but then without a word, he let go of you. He stood up to talk but his eyes were darkened and he was visibly sweating.

“Mr. Pericolo.”

You were dazed for a moment by his behavior but then you looked over at Trish who must have been traumatized.

You walked over and grabbed her hand. “I’m sorry that you had to see that. Are you okay?” You asked, sweetly. Her eyes darted over to you. She was shaking and sweating as well. It hurt you that she had to deal with all of this at such a young age.

“M-mhm.” She nodded and gave your hand a tight squeeze. “It’s going to be okay.” You told her.

You then realize that you would have to comfort Narancia, Fugo, and Giorno, as well. Being a mother figure wasn’t easy. You felt so obligated to be there for all of them but it was impossible.

You didn’t know how helpful Bruno was towards the younger members but you could only hope he took their mental health into account.

Before you could ask everyone about how they felt, Bruno had sent Mista and Giorno to drive while the rest of you stayed inside the turtle.

You couldn’t figure out why Bruno kept sheltering you. He wanted you by his side or inside the turtle at all times. You wanted to be able to help him protect everyone. You were tired of him acting like he could do everything on his own.

It was hard trying to get a good word in since everyone was in such close proximity. To everyone else, the way you and Bruno interacted was similar to parents. All of the kids had prominent parental issues so the two of you served as a support system when they needed it.

You were sitting next to Trish and you were unsure if you should give her space or make yourself available to speak to. You thought that maybe you should use this time to talk to Bruno but Trish had actually spoken first.

“Mrs. Bucciarati, what was your life like before you came here?” Her voice was pretty monotone as always but you could tell she was sad.

“My life? Well, I was pretty much a homebody. I just tended to my garden and practiced Italian.” You answered.

“Practicing Italian? Why?” She looked at you before realizing you weren’t a native Italian. It’s probably why your dialect sounded a bit different than most. You had a more formal way of speaking compared to the others.

“I’m from America and I know Bruno because I’m the daughter of a boss as well.” You explained with a smile. She didn’t reply to you. She just stared at you with her mouth opened a small bit. Maybe she could finally relate to someone.

You then turned your attention to Bruno who had been using the laptop. You were so worried about the boys. It didn’t feel right for you to send Mista and Giorno out on their own.

“Bruno.” You got up from your spot with Trish and went over to Bruno. You didn’t want to create a scene, so just in case things escalated, you spoke in English.

“I know you have faith in the boys, but is it really wise to send them out on their own? I could’ve gone with them.” You said down next to him, not really interested in what he was doing enough to look.

He just hummed before saying. “I don’t want you to be separated from me anymore. The last two times we got separated, you were hurt and every time we’ve been attacked, you were hurt.”

You huffed. “But you told me you were proud of me. You still don’t believe I can handle myself?”

“Cara mia, I know you can handle yourself but I just can’t have you hurt anymore. You were only taught to fight to a certain extent. If either of us makes a mistake then you could be killed.” His voice was firm. He’s never spoken to you in this tone before and it almost embarrassed you.

“But we have made mistakes. We both have. I’ve done my part in helping. I just still haven’t proven myself to you.” You turned away from him, upset that he was babying you and belittling the training you went through just for him.

Bruno look over at you who had been completely facing the other way. He reached over to your shoulder but you lightly jerked it away.

Why couldn’t you just understand that he was trying to protect you? Was it really wise to promise Giorno this ridiculous plan? Your first impression of Italy has just been filled with bloodshed. Although, if he didn’t then he never would have been Capo.

How long would it have taken him to reach the status of Capo normally?

Bruno pushed those thoughts out of his head. Maybe he was smothering you a little. It was just so hard not seeing you as a delicate flower anymore. He wished that he could’ve seen you more.

As an attempt to show affection, he reached out to your hand that has been free and resting on the sofa. The tips of his fingers brushed yours lightly but you had quickly curled them up, hiding them in a fist.

You didn’t seem to want to hold hands either.

Across the room, Fugo and Narancia were pondering on what you two could’ve been talking about. They didn’t know much English either. It was easy for the others to pay so much attention to you because of how new you were to them.

“Hey, Fugo, you know some English right? What do you think they’re talking about?” Narancia asked. “I’ve never seen Bucciarati so soft!” He hoarsely whispered into his ear.

Fugo, who was trying to rest his eyes, was getting annoyed at the boy. “No, Narancia, I don’t know what they’re saying. I’m not going to violate their privacy either. If it were meant for us to hear, then they wouldn’t have changed languages in the first place.” He explained. This made Narancia frown and retract himself.

You figured that maybe you should talk to Abbacchio for advice. You went over to the purple schemed man and Bruno’s eyes followed you curiously.

He watched as you talked to Leone with confidence and not anything at all like he expected. At first, when you first met them in Naples, he could sense your fear for that man but now you didn’t seem like you were at all.

“Leone,” You sighed and his head snapped over to you. You jumped at his reaction. “A-Abbacchio, I mean, sorry.” You raised your hands in defense and began to sweat. His neutral expression didn’t change. Deep down he didn’t mind your voice saying his name.

“As Bruno always called the shots this way? Sending the children out?” You asked softly.

This annoyed Abbacchio but still, his expression didn’t change. Of course, you would want to talk to him about Bruno of all people. Since you’ve been here, it’s just been about you and him and can’t even last 2 minutes apart when you’re just a foot away from him.

He knew that the only reason he felt this way was that he was jealous. He was probably just jealous of Bucciarati the whole time. What would it take for him to get a woman like you?

“Yeah. Always been that way.” He replied. “They know that they’re doing. Nothing new.”

A small gasp left your mouth. Everyone seemed so uncaring of the safety of the boys. But this didn’t have to mean the end.

You just had to be strong enough to protect them yourself. “I see.” That was all you had said. You didn’t care if it didn't seem like Bruno had faith in you or that there were so many children or how nonchalant Leone was about it. You had a stand too and you knew how to use it.

“Th-That’s all.” You smiled nervously before giving the man his space. You scooted further away, not wanting to move around too much and irritate everyone.

When you looked up, you saw that Bruno was just staring at you, watching. He looked upset but not angry. You wanted to comfort him but you were still upset with him. You’ve worked so hard and it’s like it doesn’t even matter to him.

For some hours, you occupied yourself with a magazine. You tested yourself by reading Italian fashion articles and keeping notes of things you wanted to buy with Bruno’s money. You made sure to bookmark pages with nice shoes and dresses you’d like to try on.

Your actions were interrupted by feeling a portion of the couch next to you sink. You looked to your left to see it was Bruno with the computer resting on his lap. He didn’t say a word and only shifted his weight so that his thigh was touching your exposed one.

This made you blush, so hard that physically acknowledged that he had done this when his goal was to be smooth with it.

“B-Bruno-” You whispered. Bruno ignored you, resting a free hand on the thigh closest to him. He leaned over, so close that the message you got was that he was trying to kiss you.

Really? In front of everyone? What’s gotten into him?

“Are you upset with me?” He whispered into your ear.

Your face heated up. You would feel his breath hitting your ear.

“N-No.” You replied, turning your head to him.

His eyes were narrowed and his face frowned. He leaned in further but he didn’t kiss you. He…licked your face?!

You yelped, breaking contact with him. What the hell was that!?

“To me, it seems like you’re lying.”

“Huh? Is this that lie detection thing you told me about? I thought that was a joke…” You wiped the faint sign of saliva on your face. “Warn me next time, okay?”

He chuckled before kissing you softly. “I thought it would cheer you up.” He said in between breaths.

You kissed back tenderly, your cheeks burning at his actions. Was this a dream?

Your minor make-out session was cut short when Narancia had brought you both back to reality.

Butterflies grew inside of you as you covered your face and turned away. You were always such a shy and delicate flower and now he knew that he could tease you with a public display of affection.

Narancia had been volunteering to be the one to go out to be on the surface so that he could use Aureo Smith to find Mista and Giorno.

You parted from Bruno, enjoying the remaining time just leaning against him. His body was warm and his cologne was faint with a hint of sweat from all the intense fighting.

You were an odd couple but the love was undeniable.

Mista and Giorno were found. Mista had sustained a lot of injuries, which the blonde male healed with his stand.

You played your role and scolded Mista at his lack of awareness to which he replied by calling you “Mom.”

“You should be more careful. You can’t always expect your wounds to be fixed. Giorno can’t help you forever!” You tapped his forehead aggressively.

“Hey, Hey! Yeah, I get it, okay, mom?” He swatted your hand away. This made you giggle.

“Mom? Where’d that come from?” You asked, chuckling to yourself.

“ ‘Cause, you’re annoying like one.” He yelled at you with faint pink dust on his cheeks.

You were the first female figure in his life that worried about him the way you did. It was very easy for them to get attached to you since they were all from broken homes.

It has only been a few days but with Bruno’s tough love and your soft and gentle nature, you two were scaffolding for what having parents was like. Minus the killing of the mafioso members pursuing you, of course.

It was unfortunate that such a cute “family” would come to an end.

#jjba part 5 #vento aureo #bruno bucciarati #bruno buccellati #bruno x reader #bruno bucellati x reader #jojo x reader #jojo's bizarre adventure #JoJo imagines #bruno bucciarati imagine #bruno imagine #golden wind #jojo bruno #anime x reader #JoJo no Kimyō na Bōken #jjba headcanons #jojo no kimyō na bōken

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natromanxoff · 3 years

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Queen live at Elland Road in Leeds, UK - May 29, 1982 (Part-2)

Fan Stories

“We got a coach from my home town (about 2 hours from memory) and drank an ocean of lager on the way, by the time we got there we needed the toilet so badly we could have exploded! We got into the stadium and waited for the first band of the day. Soon enough a not very well known (to me) American band came on called Heart. They weren't bad but did nothing for me. Then came The Teardrop Explodes who tried and who I reckoned did quite well despite the flying bottles of liquid being hurled at them from the crowd. After them was Joan Jett complete with Blackhearts who got the crowd going with "I Love Rock'n'Roll" mainly because Brian appeared at the side of the stage with his daughter to have a look. Eventually after a long wait the stage lights dimmed and a strange cranking sound started up and then you were suddenly aware of the drum beat to Flash thumping out and spotlights chasing around the stadium. This went on for a minute or so and the excitement was unbearable. All of a sudden in an explosion of smoke, lights, guitars, drums... Brian, John and Roger are there blasting out the opening part of The Hero. Seconds later in a gleaming white leather jacket out runs Freddie and it begins... A moment I will never forget along with many others from Queen shows since and before it. I can't say which show was my favourite as I loved them all but that moment WAS Queen, the sheer power, the anticipation, the fantastic musical ability and above all else the way they gave people what they crave more than anything... wonderful memories.” - whiteman

“29th May 1982 - a really nice warm day. We only lived a few miles away so walked down to Elland Road - I can't believe it - Queen live in my home town at the home of the greatest football team in the country (well maybe not now!). Got to the ground early and were allowed in by security, such a relaxed atmosphere. Saw band's soundcheck - great! So hot sun, never went behind stadium roofs. Got best suntan I have ever had! Heard Teardrop Explodes - not bad. Then you are aware of the beat of flash thumping out around the stadium, the smoke rises and bang - they are on! The greatest gig I have ever seen from the greatest live band in history. God bless you, Brian, Roger and John. Rest in peace, Freddie - we will never forget.” - Michael Quine

“This was my second ever gig, the first being Rory Gallagher the year before (I am sure I once read that Rory was one of Brian May's favourite guitarists). Anyway, being only 14 and not yet in the habit of getting off my face at gigs,I can remember that day very clearly. I am convinced I saw someone throw a hamburger at Julian Cope (Teardrop Explodes were going down like a lead balloon), and just as Julian was opening his gob to sing, he CAUGHT IT IN HIS MOUTH. A huge cheer went up, then they stomped off. Somebody, possibly Queen's manager, came on and told everbody to behave. I also remember a fan getting on stage and Freddie expertly rolling him off the stage. I didnt like the Hot Space album much but was chuffed they were still a hard rock band. I bought the next edition of Kerrang mag and the write up of the gig said STUNNING. Great memory.” - Edwin

“I was 15 years old in 1982 when I attended my first ever concert. Fortunately for me, it was QUEEN's show at Leeds AFC ground in the North of England. I remember when my ticket arrived in the post, possibly 2-3 months before the concert, as was often the case in those days. I stuck my ticket on a cork notice board in my bedroom and could barely contain my excitement over the coming weeks. Every morning, I would wake up and look at the yellow ticket, wishing the days away. I imagined everything that could go wrong would. Queen would cancel the gig, I would break my leg, the family pet would die on the morning of the concert and it would be too insensitive of me to go, the transport wouldn't turn up or would break down, there would be a pile up on the motorway, I'd lose my ticket en route, etc, etc. As it turned out, May 29th 1982 was a hot and sunny day, perfect weather for an outdoor gig. I was CRAZY about Queen and had been since the age of 9 but I really didn't know what to expect on that day. Myself and three friends took a coach organised by my Dad's company from Lancashire across the M62 motorway to Leeds. Our excitement began to really take a hold when we arrived at the football ground and we followed the droves of people towards the turnstiles. To me, this was something on a really big scale and I could already hear the hum of the crowd inside. Not really believing that we were actually about to witness a Queen concert, we found our seats on the West Stand, offering a great view of the stage. I remember marvelling at Queen's new lighting rig and the equipment that adorned the stage, shining in the afternoon sunshine. The ground was almost full at this point and the pitch was heaving with people. The atmosphere was relaxed as people bathed in the sunshine. I remember two guys climbing the fence from the stand and attempting to get a better spot by running into the crowd and losing themselves on the pitch. Their efforts were in vain however as they were quickly located and ejected back into the stand by two security guards. We bought some black Hot Space tour shirts (I wore mine with pride until it literally fell apart) and a programme from a vendor inside the ground and waited for the first band to take the stage. A guy near us shouted and punched his way through Heart's set and then left just as they vacated the stage. Obviously not a Queen fan! The Teardrop Explodes suffered at the hands of the Queen congregation and found themselves battling against a shower of bottles and assorted missiles. Other than that, I don't really remember much about the support bands. I think that Bow Wow Wow were billed to play (an odd choice) but I can't recall if they actually turned up. No matter, we were about to witness what is still one of the best gigs I have ever attended.

As the dusk descended upon us, the giant floodlights were extinguished one by one and the memory of the roar that followed still sends shivers down my spine. Dry ice drifted across the heads of the crowd on the pitch as the intro tape of Flash thumped out of the PA and the strange 'grating' noises added to the recording created a foreboding atmosphere. Two of our party were on the pitch and to this day remember their chests thumping in unison to the powerful rhythm. A sea of hands clapped in perfect time to the beat. To me, this was already an amazing experience. And then the big moment. Freddie, resplendent in dazzling white made his entrance to The Hero and the blaze of the lights. An apt number to start with. Before he had even sung a note, the audience were locked tightly in the palm of his hand. Such an entrance, such a showman. "You're a F***in amazing crowd", he exclaimed after the first rush. The beginning of the gig is, in truth, my strongest memory of the show itself. In particular, the "Flash!!!" vocals cutting through the night air with so much volume. I recall being shocked at the sheer power of Queen's performance and the clarity of the huge sound they harnessed. Morgan Fisher's keyboards during 'Action This Day' sounded bright and hypnotic. Freddie's intro to Fat Bottomed Girls caused quite a response too; "the bigger the t*t the better it is!". I also remember the follow spots darting wildly over the crowd during 'Tie Your Mother Down' and everybody going crazy. Oddly enough (and this is something I still swear by to this day), I was in a Maths lesson at school the following Monday and I swear I had a flashback of this and could actually 'hear' the music being re-played in my head. It was a weird moment and life was never quite the same again. We talked endlessly about our experience for months to come and one of my biggest regrets is not jumping on a train to attend the filmed Milton Keynes show a week later. Having been to so many gigs since, I can honestly say that there is nobody who has been able to top Queen live; I was lucky enough to see the band five times between 1982 and 1986, including Wembley Stadium and their last show at Knebworth. I think that my personal favourite was their performance at the NEC in Birmingham on 'The Works' tour in 1984. People were literally stood there with open mouths, unable to believe how good they were. Leeds is definitely up there too. I recall Brian May stating that he thought it was one of their best performances ever. I can't argue with that Mr May. I've often wondered if an audience shot cine film or even just photographs exist from the Leeds gig. It would be a dream come true to see my memories come to life again.” - Keith Lambert

“I can't believe it was 30 years ago that I attended my first ever gig at Elland Rd Leeds in 1982. I was 17 years old at the time, I was into Queen when I first heard seven seas of rhye, which was so different to all the other stuff around at the time. I'd heard them live on tv, and had Live Killers. Also I used to buy bootleg cassettes of all of their tours from 74 onwards. But nothing could prepare me for that day. They should have played this gig at Old Trafford Manchester, my home town, so I was gutted when the residents opposed it. Tickets were very easy to come by, believe it or not, cos Queen were not seen as a relevant band at that time. Also touring the Hot Space album didn't seem to excite anybody. So, Billy no mates had to go on his own, haha. My memory is a bit hazy, but I will try my best. I got to the ground about 1pm, and was lucky enough to have a pitch ticket. I got right to the front, well about 10 yards from the stage, slightly off centre and to the right. If I told you I never moved from that spot all day and never spoke to anyone, would you believe me? One of the reasons for this is the rivalry between Manchester and Leeds, also I was only a kid, haha. Not sure who was first on, probably Teardrop Explodes, Julian Cope, I remember while they were throwing bottles at him, picked one up and started hitting himself with it and stretching his arms out saying he was an Argentinian bomber or something. It was during the Falklands war, remember. Then Heart came on, not really my cup of tea, and I had a lie down on the tarpaulin and tried to go to sleep. Then Joan Jett, who was better than the rest, but not really exciting. During the band changes, I remember the roadies polishing Roger's drum kit and climbing up ropes and those threepronged lights, which before I saw them move I thought they were cameras. Queen took ages to come on. From my recollection and I might be wrong, they didn't come on until 10pm and went off around Midnight. I heard later that they got fined so much per minute for being late on stage but they wanted to wait until it was dark for the lighting rig to take effect. If you watch the Bowl DVD you will notice it was light when they came on stage there. But that was being filmed by Channel 4. But it was absolutely pitch black when they came on stage at Leeds. Then the floodlights went off, smoke started to appear and strange noises started, which I can't describe, sorry. Then Flash's Theme started, it was loud, very, very loud. I knew they were supposed to be loud and this was the part that scared me. The ground was thumping, the bass just pumping away. The these 'cameras' flicked into life, with men on them. The intro seemed to last for a very long time. Then BANG Brian appears with the first chord of The Hero and a flash of the biggest white light I've ever seen and will never forget and the absolute loudest noise I have ever heard just hit me. The intro was quite in comparrision to this. When I play Live at the Bowl, I tend to repeat the intro and The Hero, virtually every time, because it was definitely a life changing experience for me at that moment, just incredible. Then Freddie appeared in brilliant white again, I was that close, I swear His hair seemed blue because of the mass of white lights. His voice, so loud, so clear, honestly, I can't describe that moment properly. I heard Freddie swear, saw Roger spitting, quite a lot, over his drum kit and onto the stage, I was bewildered.

When they did Play The Game and also Somebody To Love, when Freddie was doing the intros for them and it will sound strange to those that weren't there, but I didn't know what the songs were. I thought they was new unreleased songs. The reason was they was so loud, It kind of deafened you and then kind of sunk in what they were about to play. Then the rest of the gig flew by and I was singing my head off. Everyone was, but you could only hear Queen. Again my memory may be wrong, but I read afterwards that Queen had paid for residents to move out of their homes for the day. These houses were monitored and they said that the sound was like Concorde flying 10 feet over your head... Yep I will buy that. For all that and for all the bad things said about it, The Works tour, which I went to all the 4 origional England gigs they had planned, was the best tour they ever did. The set list was fantastic and the lighting rig was incredible. Not as loud, I also add. I also saw them in Manchester, 86. They had to be off stage by 10pm and noise levels had to be adhered to. I was too far awy to see them and the screens didn't come on because it was too light. Also I couldn't here them properly. I've watched the mMagic Tour gigs on DVD etc, but for me, that was the poorest tour they ever did. So that's it, hopefully some of you can confirm my bad memory, or say I'm wrong. Hopefully not bored you all. But it was the greatest musical experience I ever witnessed and I am proud I was there.” - Paul Wakefield

Part-1

(x)

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon #queen concerts

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melanielocke · 3 years

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Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 18

AO3

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised

Previous Chapter: Chapter 17

Next Chapter: Chapter 19

Thomas had always enjoyed swimming. He used to be a competitive swimmer in school, and still considered going back to it at university. He was fast and he guessed he’d need to slow down for Alastair, who was not a frequent swimmer at all. While Alastair was fast and nimble on the land, his swimming skills appeared only enough to not drown. Which arguably was the most important when it came to swimming, but Thomas had to be careful, he didn’t want to exhaust Alastair or leave him behind.

‘I don’t usually like swimming all that much,’ Alastair admitted.

‘Really? Then why did you come?’ Thomas asked.

A wicked gleam appeared in Alastair’s dark eyes and he smiled. ‘For the scenery, of course.’

Thomas guessed it was the first time they’d seen each other wearing only swim shorts, although he had seen some of Alastair’s chest after Tessa had bandaged his shoulder. The wound looked closed now, but Thomas knew it was still sensitive.

While Alastair was skinny, he was also lightly toned. Not muscular like Thomas was, but elegant and graceful. He was beautiful. He remembered Alastair telling him he’d gained weight lately because of his new medication, but if this was his body after gaining weight, just how skinny had he been before?

And although Alastair tried to act casual, Thomas caught him staring at him too. Truth to be told, he was a little insecure about his body, and what Alastair would think of it. Thomas knew he was muscular, since he worked out so much, which he knew was considered desirable, but he often felt he was a bit too tall. Not to mention he hated the stretch marks that had appeared on his back, and worried what Alastair would think of those. His mother had freaked out the first time she’d seen them until she’d realized they were stretch marks. They were a faded pink now, although they used to be a bright red like wounds. Hopefully in time they’d fade to white. Of course, after three pregnancies, his mother had them too but everyone seemed to associate stretch marks with pregnancy when it was also completely normal to get them after gaining weight or growing very fast. Thomas sometimes wished he’d known that sooner.

‘My parents would often take me and my sisters swimming when I recovered from one of my fevers,’ Thomas said.

‘In the winter as well?’ Alastair asked. ‘Isn’t that cold?’

‘At the indoor pool,’ Thomas clarified. ‘I always had lots of fun there. There were water slides, a wave simulator bath, tropical plants to create a nice atmosphere. There was this one water slide that was in the dark and Barbara was scared of it so she always claimed I was too small for the water slide and wasn’t allowed to take it either.

Often when I was sick, it was something I looked forward to because I knew I could go to the pool when I got better. When I was older and no longer sick, I started swimming competitively. Didn’t you go swimming as a child?’

‘Not often,’ Alastair said. ‘Cordelia would go with Lucie and her parents sometimes.’

‘I remember getting these invites to classmates’ birthday parties. It’s a surprise what we’re doing, but bring your swimsuit,’ Thomas said. ‘Of course, I could only go when I was well enough, but it was a very common activity at my school.’

‘I was that child who never got invited. Which was fine, I didn’t really like being around other children anyway. My mother couldn’t swim, and my father didn’t really go have fun with us. I did take swimming lessons, passed my exams, but beyond that I didn’t really go swimming. My mother started taking classes not so long ago, though, so she’s learnt the basics. She found a class for adult women and even made some friends there.’

‘Maybe you should give it a chance,’ Thomas said. ‘Unfortunately, the pool I went to as a child closed. They built a mall there, I think. but I’m sure there are other pools I could take you someday.’

‘It’s not so bad,’ Alastair admitted. ‘Maybe if we survive this summer, I’ll take you up on that offer.’

Thomas felt himself become a little warm inside, despite the cold water. Here, spending time together in the lake and in the woods was nice, but Thomas wanted to show Alastair all his favorite places, go to the museum together, go swimming like he used to do. He wanted to introduce Alastair to his sisters, who would undoubtedly like him very much. He hoped they wouldn’t be too protective of him though, Thomas did not think Alastair would react well if Genie started threatening him. He made a mental note to send a warning to his sisters that there would be no threatening Alastair.

‘Do you play any sports?’ Thomas asked.

‘Currently not much beyond generally trying to stay active and taking very long walks,’ Alastair admitted. ‘Cordelia and I used to take dance classes together for several years, Father thought it important we learnt how to dance ballroom. The memory is a bit tainted because it was something he demanded of us, but truth to be told I did like dancing and I was quite good at it. We both were.’

‘Oh, that sounds nice,’ Thomas said. ‘I’ve always thought it would be nice to learn partner dancing, but I never got around to it. Besides, I’m a bit clumsy on my feet so I’d be stepping on my partner’s toes all the time.’

‘That doesn’t happen as often as people think,’ Alastair said. ‘I think there’s a dancing association at the university, so if you want to learn that might be a nice and affordable place to take classes. But you could also join a swimming team there if you’d prefer. Or both, but you’ll need to find time to study too.’

‘Is that something you struggled with?’ Thomas asked.

‘Not really. I had no social life beyond my ex boyfriend and I don’t need much time to study. Magic memory and all. But there were definitely a few students who were partying too much to keep up.’

‘I’m not really one for partying, so that won’t be a problem,’ Thomas admitted. ‘I didn’t realize there were so many options, all I heard about student life was either lots of partying or study until you drop.’

‘Oh no there are definitely options,’ Alastair said. ‘I’m just too antisocial for most of them. I don’t like being around people anyway. One on one is fine, but I’ve never liked groups. And I absolutely despite it when people are loud. What else do you like to do beside swimming?’

Thomas could recognize what Alastair described. He had always been shy as a child, and had never really grown over that. He liked being around people, but mostly in small groups.

‘I like music,’ Thomas said. ‘I play guitar, but I really like writing my own songs.’

He’d never told anyone that. He wasn’t sure why exactly. He’d started playing the guitar after growing over his sickness. He’d tried the saxophone before that when he was younger, but his frequent fevers made it difficult to keep up. To learn an instrument you had to practice daily, and that hadn’t worked out.

He’d started playing guitar at fourteen and he’d written lots of songs, most of which he’d discarded. He never believed they were any good, and he wasn’t very good at singing. He’d practiced, of course, and he knew how to pitch his voice, but he just didn’t sound that good or interesting. He could be a decent back up vocalist, he guessed, but then he’d need to find someone to actually sing his songs.

‘Really?’ Alastair asked. ‘What kind of songs?’

‘Oh, all sorts. Ballads, sad songs mostly, I guess. Love songs too. I’ve never told anyone before. They’re not good or anything.’

He remembered he’d written a very sappy, hopeless pining song not long after meeting Alastair. He was glad there was no remaining evidence of that ever happening, it was exactly the kind of thing Eugenia would use as blackmail. Which he guessed was why he’d never told Eugenia about his songs.

They reached the island in the middle of the lake, and sat down in the shallow water, a comfortable place to rest for a bit and talk. He could tell Alastair was getting tired, swimming was very different from walking or running and Alastair wasn’t used to it. Perhaps it was hard on his shoulder too.

‘You told no one? Really? Why?’ Alastair asked.

‘As I said, they’re not any good,’ Thomas admitted. ‘And I can’t sing well.’

‘Maybe I could sing them for you,’ Alastair said. ‘Although it’s been a while since I’ve really sung.’

‘You sing?’ Thomas asked. He wondered what Alastair’s voice would sound like when he sung.

‘I used to,’ Alastair said. ‘I played the piano too, growing up, but I haven’t played in years.’

‘Why did you stop?’ Thomas asked.

Alastair sighed. ‘I couldn’t find joy in playing music anymore. In anything really. Although I did listen to music a lot, and I do sing along occasionally. But apart from that… I just couldn’t bring myself to play anymore, it hurt too much. I wanted to get back to it, but so far I haven’t found that joy.’

That sounded sad. Would Thomas’ songs be able to cheer him up? Probably not, they were terrible. He would need some good music to play or sing to get back into it, not his hopeless attempts at song writing.

‘I hope you can,’ Thomas said. ‘I can’t imagine what it’s like to not be able to enjoy the things you used to.’

‘Well, sometimes interests change,’ Alastair said. ‘I’ve had a lot of odd interests that changed. But in this case… I want to be able to feel the joy I once felt. I want to play, and sing your songs and feel like myself again.’

Thomas wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with sharing any of his work, but if it would help Alastair then he would let him sing all of his songs.

‘Could you sing something? Now, I mean. If you want to, you don’t have to. I’m just really curious what you sound like.’

Thomas started rambling again, and Alastair silenced him by beginning to sing. The song would definitely sound better with accompanied by a guitar, but even on its own Alastair’s voice was beautiful. It was a bit lower than his speaking voice, but he seemed to have quite a range. Gentle, but firm and when he got farther into the song Thomas realized there was a lot of power behind Alastair’s voice. It was a romantic song he was singing, did this describe how Alastair felt about him? He didn’t catch everything, but some of the lyrics stuck with him.

Never opened myself this way.

Life is ours, we live it our way.

All these words I don’t just say

And nothing else matters

‘Trust I seek, and I find in you,’ Thomas repeated. ‘That sounds beautiful.’

Alastair smiled. ‘I do find trust in you. Even if it is something I still find difficult. I’m trying.’

‘What song is that?’ Thomas asked.

Alastair stared at him in shock. ‘You mean to tell me you don’t know this song? You can’t be serious.’

‘It sounds vaguely familiar, but I can’t name it,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s Nothing else Matters by Metallica,’ Alastair said.

‘That does sounds familiar,’ Thomas admitted. ‘I’ve never listened much to Metallica.’

‘You should, their music is very good, and it’s very melodic for a metal band. That’s what I like the most, when music is both heavy and melodic.’

‘What other music do you like?’ Thomas asked.

‘Breaking Benjamin must be one of my favorite bands. You probably haven’t heard of them, they’re not very famous. They’re probably best described as alternative metal. Very angst heavy lyrics, things I can relate to. And I like Metallica, Skillet, Three Days Grace. Within Temptation and Nightwish occasionally. What do you listen to?’

‘I like Green Day,’ Thomas said. ‘And As It Is, which you might not know because they’re not very well known, but they’re a pop punk band.’

‘I don’t know As it Is. I do know Green Day though. I’ve always liked Boulevard of Broken Dreams.’

‘Me too,’ Thomas said. ‘But 21 guns is my favorite from Green Day.’

They talked some more about music, and Thomas made a note to listen to some of Alastair’s favorite songs when they got back. He hadn’t had the time or inspiration to write songs lately, with everything happening, but he wanted to write something for Alastair. If he ever found the time in between trying not to die.

Truth to be told, Thomas found it difficult to have people worry about him so much, risk themselves for his sake. He didn’t want to die and was grateful he had people who were willing to help him, but he hated how all this was because of him. He hated being taken care of, being someone’s burden. It was something Thomas had always struggled with. When his mother had quit her job because Thomas was sick so often it wasn’t doable for both his parents to work. Since his mother was a primary school teacher, it had made sense for her to quit working as his father made more money and worked more hours. When his sisters would come straight home after school to keep him company rather than spend time with their own friends. When his father would come home early as often as he could, passing on opportunities at work.

It wasn’t just that the amount of attention could be suffocating, it was because he didn’t want to be difficult, he didn’t want other people to change their life, their habits for him. But as a sick child, he’d had no choice but to let people take care of him. Everyone had had to adapt to his sickness and even in a loving family such as his own, it wasn’t easy to have a child who was ill so often. Sometimes Thomas feared he’d taken up too much attention and had taken that away from Barbara and Eugenia.

‘You’re thinking of something,’ Alastair said. ‘Something that is bothering you.’

‘It’s nothing,’ Thomas said.

It wouldn’t be fair to complain about his childhood to Alastair. Compared to what he had been through, Thomas had wanted for nothing.

‘It’s not nothing,’ Alastair said. ‘I can tell when you tense up, when you’re thinking of something hurtful. Is it something I did?’

‘No. You didn’t do anything wrong.’ Thomas brushed his hand across Alastair’s cheek. ‘You’re perfect.’

‘Then what is it?’ Alastair looked away. ‘Look, I know how difficult it is to talk about how you feel, how vulnerable it makes you feel. But I can tell when things are bothering you, I know when people are upset. If you don’t want to share, at least tell me you’d rather not talk about it. Because people always like to pretend they’re fine but they’re not and…’

Alastair didn’t finish his sentence, he seemed upset too now. Thomas felt horrible. He didn’t want Alastair to worry, he didn’t want to hurt him. It made sense Alastair could read people well. Thomas had always been good at reading people’s body language, but Alastair had had to deal with his father’s changing moods, anticipating them had to be how he’d survived. Of course people’s bad moods were stressful for him, because Alastair had learnt he’d get hurt when other people were stressed.

Perhaps it was better to tell, that might set Alastair’s mind at ease. Even if it was difficult, even if he did not quite understand why he felt this way.

‘I was thinking about how you’re all risking your life for me, and I find that difficult. I’ve never wanted to trouble others, I’ve never wanted to be a burden. But I also know I cannot do this without help. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you or to Cordelia or Lucie because of me.’

Alastair put his hand on Thomas’ cheek, wet from the lake water.

‘I understand. But none of this is your fault, Tom, and you’re not a burden.’

‘I’ve always felt like a burden,’ Thomas said softly. ‘I always needed to be taken care of because I was sick.’

‘Is it a burden when the people caring for you love you and gladly care for you?’ Alastair asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Thomas said. ‘With James and Matthew, I was so glad to find friends, people my own age. But James’ mother and Matthew’s mother are my mother’s best friends, so we already knew each other from a young age. We were very close when I was still a child and they would come by to keep me company when I was sick. I am grateful, but they learnt I needed to be protected and when I grew over my sickness, Matthew still believed I was meek and dependent and needed to be rescued from you. James wasn’t as bad, he never noticed I liked you because he was always reading. I think the reason we drifted apart a bit is because of that. I never dared tell them how I felt about you, and I don’t think they would have reacted well. And again, I feared my feelings would make me a burden. That was less of an issue with Lucie, so I think that’s why I’m now closer to her. It was never a problem to tell her I liked you, and that’s why she was the first person I told.’

‘I didn’t realize you’d drifted apart from them. At school, it was always the three of you,’ Alastair said.

‘True, and I still care about them, I really do. But I think they’re closer to each other than to me, and that made me feel out of place at times. I still see them and spend time with them, and we text often, but not as much as we used to. But that’s fine, I think it was for the best. I still have plenty of people around me, enough friends, and we probably work better with a little more distance anyway.’

‘I didn’t realize, that’s all,’ Alastair said. ‘Sometimes change is for the best. How are James and Matthew anyway?’

‘I haven’t contacted them a lot with everything happening, and the last few days I haven’t been able to reach them. But I’m not yet sure what to say when I do call them. Do I tell them about us? Or about what’s going on? Do I tell my sisters? I do not want anyone else to come here and put themselves in danger.’

‘I have not yet decided what I will tell my mother either,’ Alastair said. ‘I did tell her I liked you, before I realized you liked me as well. But the past few days I haven’t been able to reach her, or Risa. Wait a moment, you said you couldn’t reach James and Matthew.’

‘Nor my sisters,’ Thomas said. ‘And my father said he was unable to reach uncle Gabriel. I don’t think uncle Will has had any success calling uncle Jem or your father either. Which is odd. You’d think out of all these people, at least someone would pick up a phone.’

‘Or perhaps that is part of what Tatiana is doing,’ Alastair said. ‘Isolating us so we cannot call anyone for help.’

Thomas tried to think that through. If he were in Tatiana’s shoes, he definitely wouldn’t want them to be able to contact uncle Gabriel and aunt Cecily. Nor uncle Jem, he guessed. Matthew and James were no threat to her, nor were his sisters, so he wasn’t sure why they were unable to contact them. Nor did he suspect Alastair’s mother was a threat. Perhaps it was simply easier to cut them off from everyone.

‘That makes sense,’ Thomas said. ‘But if we can’t call them, how far away from the town and the forest would we have to be if we were to reach people again?’ Thomas wasn’t so sure it would be that simple though.

‘I’m not sure,’ Alastair said. ‘Perhaps it’s like the land in between, except bigger. Perhaps something Tatiana did will not only cut off our ability to contact people who aren’t here, but will also prevent us from leaving.’ He paused. ‘I assumed there would be no point in leaving, because whatever is happening to you would simply follow you wherever you go. But perhaps Tatiana does need you here.’

Thomas wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He hadn’t considered running, didn’t think there would be a point to it. How could you run from a powerful being? But perhaps Alastair had a point and he was running from Tatiana. Perhaps that powerful being would simply take Jesse back if Tatiana failed, and that would be it. The thought brought no comfort. He would never want Jesse to suffer. None of this was his fault either.

‘It makes me wonder why that being picked Jesse over me,’ Thomas said. ‘It must have liked Tatiana a lot better than my parents, and I think when Jesse died Tatiana already knew what was happening. I think she assumed I would be the one to die, and when Jesse died and I didn’t, she got mad with my father.

But wouldn’t it have made more sense to take me instead of Jesse? Since Tatiana knew more about the deal, knew about the creature, knew how to barter with it?’

Alastair grimaced. ‘No. I think that is exactly why it chose Jesse. I don’t think the thief of souls intended to keep Jesse forever. If it had taken you, your parents would have been heart broken, they would grieve you, they would have sustained a wound that would never heal. But they would not have tried to get you back, not at the cost of someone else’s life.

Tatiana, on the other hand, would do anything for her son, and seems to hate everyone else. It doesn’t matter to her that lots of people will die, souls forfeit, as long as she can have her son back. She knew what was going on, what would happen to her son. Perhaps she tried to appease it, to make sure you would be chosen and not Jesse. But that’s exactly why it chose Jesse. Because with Jesse dead, Tatiana would do anything to bring him back, and she would exchange your life for Jesse. And the thief of souls could have asked her for anything it wanted, anything else she would realistically be able to give her.’

Thomas stared at Alastair. Everything he said made perfect sense. He had been looking at this from the wrong angle, from his own perspective of someone who made decisions based on emotion, based on his love for the people around him. But the thief of souls wasn’t like that, he didn’t care for Tatiana just because she liked him better than his father did. He saw her as a tool he could use. He played a strategic game and souls were the prize.

‘Why now, though?’ Thomas asked. ‘Jesse has been dead for years. If Tatiana already knew what was happening, wouldn’t she have gotten him back sooner?’

‘I think the thief of souls must have demanded much from her,’ Alastair said. ‘He could ask for anything. Do any of you know what she’s been up to the past years?’

‘She moved away from London, left her house in a state of disrepair,’ Thomas said. ‘My grandfather was incredibly rich and Tatiana inherited lots of money, so she could afford to just move around and leave her father’s house.’

Thomas knew his father and uncle Gabriel had often wondered what to do with the money inherited from their father, money he’d earned through dark deals and exploitation. Money none of them deserved. But for uncle Gabriel and aunt Cecily the money had allowed them to hunt the supernatural, stop people like Benedict, since such line of work wasn’t exactly paid. His father had donated some of the money, but for them it had been convenient too since his illness meant he always needed someone around to take care of him.

‘Meaning, you don’t know where she’s been?’ Alastair asked. ‘I can’t imagine having so much money that you can just leave an entire house for several years without selling it. Honestly that should be illegal, considering how difficult it is for some people to even find a place to live.’

‘It was her father’s manor, had been in the family for a long time,’ Thomas said. ‘I don’t think she could have even considered selling it, it was very important to Benedict. But no, we don’t know where she’s been. My father and uncle Gabriel did try to reach out to her occasionally. At the very least they called her on her birthday, but she never picked up.’

‘So these past years, maybe she had to complete other tasks first, offer him other souls, anything he could have wanted. And at some point she must have captured Grace, which I imagine made completing his requests a lot easier.’

‘How long do you think Grace has been her prisoner?’ Thomas wondered. ‘I assumed it was a recent thing, what if she’s been with Tatiana for years?’

‘No idea,’ Alastair said. ‘Perhaps capturing Grace is what finally allowed her to win enough favor to get back Jesse’s soul. Whatever he wanted from her, it must have been easier with a siren under her control. But I think there’s still more she must do to bring him back to life. Perhaps that child that drowned was part of it too.’

‘And when Jesse lives, I die,’ Thomas concluded.

Thomas had no idea how to fix this. How to survive without sacrificing Jesse. He knew Lucie and Cordelia wanted to kill the thief of souls, but they didn’t even know what it was. Their attention had to be on Grace right now, if anyone knew more of Tatiana’s plans it had to be her.

‘We’ll get Grace’ skin,’ Alastair promised. ‘Tomorrow. And when she is free, she can tell us all she knows of Tatiana. There must be so much Grace knows.’

‘Will you be alright?’ Thomas said. ‘After this morning… will you feel up to it? I can’t imagine how exhausting that must have been. It’s fine if you need more rest.’

‘I hope so, but if not I can function pretty well while tired. At some point you get used to it. I have good days and bad days. Today was not so good, you’re right that I’m still very tired from this morning. Such breakdowns are always exhausting, that is not something I’ve gotten used to. I would go to sleep early, maybe take some melatonin, but I’ll only have nightmares. And we don’t have the kind of time to wait for me to recover from this morning, I’ll have to do with how I function tomorrow morning.’

Thomas considered for a moment, turning a little red before looking Alastair in the eyes. Thomas had always found Alastair’s eyes beautiful, big and so dark it was difficult to tell apart the iris and the pupil. He’d never quite understood the way people obsessed over blue or green eyes, described as sapphires and emeralds in many of Lucie’s books. Green and blue eyes didn’t even look like that. Light eyes might be less common than brown eyes, but Thomas had always found dark brown eyes combined with dark hair like Alastair’s far more striking.

‘Maybe I could sleep over,’ Thomas suggested. ‘I mean, do you think that would help?’

‘I don’t know if it would help with my nightmares, but I would certainly like it if you stayed with me,’ Alastair said. ‘I like to cuddle. It is very nice when you hold me, sensory wise. So, where are we sleeping? I think my bed is bigger, we could easily both fit in there.’

Thomas wondered what Alastair meant with that it was nice, sensory wise. It sounded like something Lucie, who was autistic, might say, but Alastair had not mentioned such a thing, had he?

‘Alright, then I’ll sleep over at your place,’ Thomas said. ‘And I’ll cuddle with you as much as you want. And when you have a nightmare, I’ll be there to remind you that you’re safe.’

#Thomas Lightwood #Alastair Carstairs #Lucie Herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Thomastair #Lucelia #fanfiction #the last hours #tlh

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ironhusband · 3 years

Text

day 1

Wanda returned the next day. She didn't expect the government to still stay after her indimadating display of power, especially since she doubted that spineless director would stick around after having twenty guns pointed at him, but she needed to check anyway. No one could hurt her family and if there was a threat, she was going to eliminate it.

Wanda looked out at the view outside of Westview, satisfied to see the tents and equipment were cleaned out. She smirked, happy to see motherhood hasn't made people any less scared of her (weird how she once didn't want for people to fear her. It was clearly an advantage to get what she wanted). Wanda scanned the horizon, checking to see if SWORD was simply hiding away.

She paused as she saw a small tent in the far distance.

Cautious, Wanda decided to see what it was. It could be an innocent camper, and she had to be careful not to reveal herself. But it could also be one of them, and she had to make sure her home was protected.

She paused when she found Monica Rambeau, swaddled up in a thin blanket and eating cereal, watching the credits roll on their show.

The poor girl startled when she looked up and found her, immediately scrambling for her gun.

Wanda cocked her head to the side, smiling teasingly. "An ally, huh?" she said, in the thick sokovian accent.

Rambeau carefully lowered her gun, seeming a bit ashamed at her own hypocrisy. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Are you alone?" Wanda cut to the chase.

Rambeau spread her arms as if to show her, "you tell me."

Wamda looked around, looked at Rambeau's belongings. She could spot a phone among her things but no walkie talkies, or flies, or bugs. Nothing that seemed like there were people with her, just a little further away. Wanda frowned, "they left you alone to die?"

"No," Rambeau said, gently, "I left them."

Wanda stopped scanning their surroundings, looking at Rambeau’s honest, pleading eyes.

Wanda looked away from the gaze of her betrayer, "I threatened to kill whoever stayed."

Rambeau raised her chin in challenge, "do it then."

Wanda couldn't understand this. Rambeau seemed so... confident. At ease about the idea of being killed. Wanda was used to people fearing her. She could kill people, if she wanted to, and everyone knew that. But Rambeau.... Rambeau almost seemed like she didn't believe Wanda was going to kill her.

She didn't summon the red smoke.

Wanda scoffed, "leave."

day 3

Wanda held herself back from returning for a whole day. She figured Rambeau was stubborn, and coming back will only egg her further. Not returning the next day will convince her that whatever she thought she was doing was a dead end.

When Wanda returned on the third day, Monica was still in the same position Wanda found her at first.

"Hey," Rambeau lifted her eyes to Wanda, this time completely calm, "great episode today."

"I could kill you, you know," Wanda threatened once again.

"Oh, I know." Rambeau was eating stew this time. She offered her some off the hot plate, "want some?"

Wanda rolled her eyes and walked away.

day 5

"Why won't you leave?" Wanda asked, frustrated.

Rambeau was unbothered, "why won't you make me?"

day 8

"How are the twins?" Rambeau asked on her next visit.

Wanda nodded towards the TV, "didn’t you watch the show?"

"Wanda, as much as I love TV, it can't tell you people's emotions," Monica said and turned off the TV, fully turning towards her, "it's why books are better."

Wanda didn't answer her question, but said, "maybe we'll turn the show into a book then."

"Wandavision: Now In Pages."

Wanda struggled with her smile.

day 13

"You know, for someone who seems to like books more than television, you sure watch TV a lot."

Monica looked up from the credits roll, surprised at Wanda’s friendly snipe, "I do read."

Wanda nodded at Monica's belongings, “no books around.”

Monica dug up a notebook from the blankets on the ground, "I read my notes."

Wanda glanced at the pages Monica was flipping through, "notes of the show?"

Monica nodded.

"But why? You can't do the research like with SWORD."

Monica shrugged, "it's fun to guess what can happen. I have theories to share with the forums.”

Wanda was too amused to notice that Monica could have been using a codename.

day 17

“Are you happy?” Monica asked her once.

It isn’t the first time she asked a question like this. Monica didn’t outright ask her to leave Westview, but it seemed to be her angle with all this.

Wanda tried not to think of her headache from keeping everything running smoothly inside the town and the fight she had with Vision that Monica must have seen, “of course.”

Monica hummed, “then why do you keep coming here?”

Wanda left in her fury.

day 20

“Why won’t you leave?” Wanda asked, more furious in her next visit.

“Why won’t you?” Monica shot right back.

Wanda left, confused as to why she didn’t kill Monica at the spot.

day 23

“I need a break from the kids,” Wanda explained, “the show any good?”

Monica smiled and rewinded the episode for her.

day 27

Wanda has been coming around every day for the past four days. Wanda always explained it away and Monica never called bullshit on her reasons. She seemed to learn her lesson with crossing boundaries.

“I like coming here,” Wanda explained that day.

Monica beamed so wide, Wanda was sure she could outshine the sun.

day 33

“Why won’t you leave?”

It’s been a while since Wanda last asked her that. Usually she asked every other visit. But this time… Wanda realized how small this life must be for Monica. In her small tent, watching the show, writing notes in her notebook, theorizing based on her writings, eating canned goods, and sleeping on those thin blankets. She didn’t know what was there for Monica in this life.

Monica was more quiet this time when she answered, “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

In her surprise, this was the first time Wanda sat down next to Monica.

day 36

“Viz won’t speak to me,” Wanda told her one day.

Monica placed her food on the ground, “yeah, I saw.”

“This was supposed to be everything I wanted,” Wanda whispered, brokenly, and tried to keep the tears at bay.

Monica, unhesitatingly, wrapped her arm around Wanda’s shoulders, “then why aren’t you leaving?”

Wanda found herself leaning into the touch, “same reason you aren’t.”

day 37

This time, Monica wasn’t watching the episode ending but was rewinding to a specific scene.

‘My parents died when I was ten,’ the Wanda on screen said.

Wanda looked away from the hurtful scene. It was different saying the words and watching herself say them. “Why are you watching this?” her tone unnecessarily defensive.

Monica didn’t look away from the screen, “my parents are dead too.”

day 40

“You could come to Westview,” Wanda offered her once, “I could give you whatever you want.”

Monica’s breath hitched with the idea. Wanda could tell she was tempted. But then, after a beat, Monica shook her head. “I can’t do that. I can’t escape to a perfect reality.”

Wanda laughed, not creully, but teasingly, “so what is this? Isn’t this escaping reality?”

Monica shrugged, “I guess so. But watching TV, eating bad food, talking to a friend... Not different from how normal people grieve.”

Wanda rose from her seat, enraged. Her eyes didn’t start glowing red but her hand was pointing at her accusingly, “I am normal.”

In her rage, in her storming off, Wanda didn’t realize Monica called her a friend.

day 44

When Wanda came the next time. She didn’t speak at first. She just sat down next to Monica, wordlessly. Monica rewinded the episode for her, but Wanda didn’t watch it. She watched Monica instead. Monica wasn’t bothered by the stare, but she was wondering what Wanda was finding there.

“Can you show me how to be normal?” Wanda requested, eyes now on the show, where Wanda was trying to keep her family together.

Monica smiled and turned towards her, looking away from the show, “I love how you think I’m normal, Scarlet.” She tilted Wanda’s head so they were staring into each other’s eyes, “but I’ll show you anything you want.”

Monica leaned forward and kissed Wanda, hands going slowly from her chin up to her soft, soft hair.

Wanda froze for a moment. She froze for a moment, and then- then she sank into it, hands gripping at the fabric at Monica’s hips.

It couldn’t have been more than ten seconds (but it felt like forever) when Wanda pulled away, shoved Monica away and told her, “stop. Stop, this is a mistake.”

Monica was speechless when she watched Wanda, a strangely calm seeing Wanda, walk away.

day 45

Wanda didn’t come the next day. Monica didn’t expect her to. She knew she screwed up with the kiss. She just wished she’d left it at her words instead of her actions.

On the 45th day the TV shut off. Monica frowned, smacking the side of the screen, trying to jerk it back to life. The TV didn’t turn back on, no matter how hard she tried.

But then she heard a sound.

When she looked up it was to the forcefield collapsing, throwing her back twenty meters.

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srbachchan · 4 years

Text

DAY 4627

Jalsa, Mumbai Oct 31, 2020 Sat 11:19 PM

Birthday - EF Vaijayanti Ravindra Damle .. Sunday, November 1

Birthday Ef - Vishan Lal ..

love and greetings to you both on this auspicious day .. be safe ..🙏

.. recents deaths and passings bring grief .. family , work and legendary .. they all had a life that gave so much to the world .. and the heavens welcome them .. in the peace .. 🌹🙏🌼🌸

.. and the Medium says it all ..

Things Most People Learn Too Late In Life ~ N Cole

“Life is a journey of twists and turns, peaks and valleys, mountains to climb and oceans to explore.

Good times and bad times. Happy times and sad times.

But always, life is a movement forward.

No matter where you are on the journey, in some way, you are continuing on — and that’s what makes it so magnificent. One day, you’re questioning what on earth will ever make you feel happy and fulfilled. And the next, you’re perfectly in flow, writing the most important book of your entire career.

What nobody ever tells you, though, when you are a wide-eyed child, are all the little things that come along with “growing up.”

1. Most people are scared of using their imagination.

They’ve disconnected with their inner child.

They don’t feel they are “creative.”

They like things “just the way they are.”

2. Your dream doesn’t really matter to anyone else.

Some people might take interest. Some may support you in your quest. But at the end of the day, nobody cares, or will ever care about your dream as much as you.

3. Friends are relative to where you are in your life.

Most friends only stay for a period of time — usually in reference to your current interest. But when you move on, or your priorities change, so too do the majority of your friends.

4. Your potential increases with age.

As people get older, they tend to think that they can do less and less — when in reality, they should be able to do more and more, because they have had time to soak up more knowledge. Being great at something is a daily habit. You aren’t just “born” that way.

5. Spontaneity is the sister of creativity.

If all you do is follow the exact same routine every day, you will never leave yourself open to moments of sudden discovery. Do you remember how spontaneous you were as a child? Anything could happen, at any moment!

6. You forget the value of “touch” later on.

When was the last time you played in the rain?

When was the last time you sat on a sidewalk and looked closely at the cracks, the rocks, the dirt, the one weed growing between the concrete and the grass nearby.

Do that again.

You will feel so connected to the playfulness of life.

7. Most people don’t do what they love.

It’s true.

The “masses” are not the ones who live the lives they dreamed of living. And the reason is because they didn’t fight hard enough. They didn’t make it happen for themselves. And the older you get, and the more you look around, the easier it becomes to believe that you’ll end up the same.

Don’t fall for the trap.

8. Many stop reading after college.

Ask anyone you know the last good book they read, and I’ll bet most of them respond with, “Wow, I haven’t read a book in a long time.”

9. People talk more than they listen.

There is nothing more ridiculous to me than hearing two people talk “at” each other, neither one listening, but waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can start up again.

10. Creativity takes practice.

It’s funny how much we as a society praise and value creativity, and yet seem to do as much as we can to prohibit and control creative expression unless it is in some way profitable.

If you want to keep your creative muscle pumped and active, you have to practice it on your own.

11. “Success” is a relative term.

As kids, we’re taught to “reach for success.”

What does that really mean? Success to one person could mean the opposite for someone else.

Define your own Success.

12. You can’t change your parents.

A sad and difficult truth to face as you get older: You can’t change your parents.

They are who they are.

Whether they approve of what you do or not, at some point, no longer matters. Love them for bringing you into this world, and leave the rest at the door.

13. The only person you have to face in the morning is yourself.

When you’re younger, it feels like you have to please the entire world.

You don’t.

Do what makes you happy, and create the life you want to live for yourself. You’ll see someone you truly love staring back at you every morning if you can do that.

14. Nothing feels as good as something you do from the heart.

No amount of money or achievement or external validation will ever take the place of what you do out of pure love.

Follow your heart, and the rest will follow.

15. Your potential is directly correlated to how well you know yourself.

Those who know themselves and maximize their strengths are the ones who go where they want to go.

Those who don’t know themselves, and avoid the hard work of looking inward, live life by default. They lack the ability to create for themselves their own future.

16. Everyone who doubts you will always come back around.

That kid who used to bully you will come asking for a job.

The girl who didn’t want to date you will call you back once she sees where you’re headed. It always happens that way.

Just focus on you, stay true to what you believe in, and all the doubters will eventually come asking for help.

17. You are a reflection of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Nobody creates themselves, by themselves.

We are all mirror images, sculpted through the reflections we see in other people. This isn’t a game you play by yourself. Work to be surrounded by those you wish to be like, and in time, you too will carry the very things you admire in them.

18. Beliefs are relative to what you pursue.

Wherever you are in life, and based on who is around you, and based on your current aspirations, those are the things that shape your beliefs.

Nobody explains, though, that “beliefs” then are not “fixed.” There is no “right and wrong.” It is all relative.

Find what works for you.

19. Anything can be a vice.

Be wary.

Again, there is no “right” and “wrong” as you get older. A coping mechanism to one could be a way to relax on a Sunday to another. Just remain aware of your habits and how you spend your time, and what habits start to increase in frequency — and then question where they are coming from in you and why you feel compelled to repeat them.

Never mistakes, always lessons.

As I said, know yourself.

20. Your purpose is to be YOU.

What is the meaning of life?

To be you, all of you, always, in everything you do — whatever that means to you. You are your own creator. You are your own evolving masterpiece.

Growing up is the realization that you are both the sculpture and the sculptor, the painter and the portrait. Paint yourself however you wish.”

Finding the reason to give be the element that survives all .. the giving when announced depletes the announce .. yes it is often told to speak .. but if the speak is not heard then ..?

.. so they that can feel the speak be the better .. it was for them not for the speak in any case .. but information they say needs to be put out .. really ?

for who ..?

for them that survive on information .. the information is mine .. the informed never were involved in it .. for them it is business .. my information is mine and is without a commercial value ..

I know the commerce of value .. they that practice it are not wrong .. they are in its commercial .. they lead it with profession .. they chose it much all choose profession ..

but all choosing never does agree with others .. no harm .. the other shall ever disagree , because it was never his .. they that disagree with their own are the divine .. they have the servility by their side .. a servile sum is never a subtraction ..

it be ever in multiply ..

.. they that designed my costume for my film KHOON PASINA , never knew I would have to fight a real tiger in the film .. it was the most harrowing experience .. some day it shall be described .. done now would invite distress ..

the ‘mahamaari’ has already taken care of that .. we do not need more ..

Amitabh Bachchan

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lunarliza · 4 years

Text

Dirty Little Secret | Chapter 4: Ferry Tickets

fuckbuddy!JJ x kook!reader

series masterlist | prev. chapter | chapter one

You and JJ are fuck buddies- strictly physical. But what happens when you find yourself falling more and more for everyone’s favorite golden boy even though all he can see you as is a spoiled rich girl?

note: smut ... like right under here

“Fuuuck me,” you whimpered, face pressed down to your floral pillowcase.

“You like that don’t you?” JJ’s hand twisted your hair as the other smacked the side of your ass while he slid himself in and out of you from behind.

Ted and your mom went into the city for a few days while Macy was off at her tennis lesson which left you with an big empty house for the morning. You had contemplated doing a sunrise yoga on the beach or riding your bike along the pier, but a surprise text from JJ had you cancelling all your self-care plans.

Which is how you ended up in your current position- under him, back arched, and feeling his thick cock stretch you out.

“Mm,” you whined, lifting your eyes to his hungry ones as you watched him take you. You felt the cold metal from his rings cling onto your sweaty skin when his hands moved to grip both sides of your hips.

“Mm, play with me.”

JJ’s hands snaked around to your wet clit where he gently rubbed you back and forth. It sent you over the edge as you moaned louder into the pillow you were clenching.

He came into the condom and pulled out of you, collapsing onto your side in a fit of pants. His gold locks were disheveled on his face as his broad chest heaved up and down. You laid in your current position for a few moments, collecting yourself, before springing to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

You expected him to be gone once you got out, but, much to your surprise, JJ was still submerged in your fluffy white comforter, underwear on, scrolling through his phone. Slightly taken aback, you flopped down next to him.

You and JJ had this unspoken no cuddling or pillow talk rule, but you decided that, after three months of fooling around, you could at least engage in small talk.

“Why’d you call me up so early?” you asked, hugging your knees.

“I was at the store and saw your parents getting gas to leave town. Didn’t see you in the car so I thought you’d be home alone,” he smirked, still glued to his phone, “and I was right.”

JJ paid a lot of attention to little things- more so than you thought. Here and there he’d bring up a small fact he remembered about you like how you’d braid your hair before swimming or how he saw you talking to someone he thought you didn’t like. It was odd, but you pushed it aside.

Another thing that always fazed you about him was why he was so open to sleeping with you. You assumed it was him getting off on the satisfaction of fucking a Kook, but the hateful remarks he made the other day on the boat with Rafe confused you.

“Since when did you start hanging out with Topper and Rafe?” he asked, tossing his phone to the side.

You didn’t expect that question from him. “I don’t. Jade just dragged me with her because she’s trying to get with Rafe.”

JJ snorted. “Oh Jade... she has a nice rack. And she can do way better than him, he looks like a celery.”

You giggled at his uncanny comparison. “Hey JJ.”

He lifted his eyebrows, leaning over on his side. “It was you that day wasn’t it? The day you caught me smoking, you’re the one who fucked up Topper’s bike.”

You had always wondered what on earth JJ was running from the day you two met. You almost forgot about it until Topper brought up his messed up bike on the boat. You remembered hearing him whine about it months ago during class, the Monday after, and mentally put the pieces together.

“What’s it to ya?” JJ responded, growing peeved.

You shrugged. “Just wondering. I just don’t get this war between you guys. It’s honestly ridiculous, like what good is throwing shit at each other or punching each other gonna do?”

The light-haired boy groaned and sat up in annoyance. “Of course you wouldn’t get it. You’re a fucking Kook. You can do whatever the hell you want- buy whatever you want, hurt whoever you want- and get away with it. Nothing ever affects you because at the end of the day, you just come straight home to your gated neighborhood with not a spec on your back. You’ll never know what it’s like to not have everything you want!”

You scoffed and crossed your arms, standing from the bed to get away from him. “Well guess what, prick? I actually do know what it’s like. I didn’t always have this stupid life!”

You ran your hands through your hair and avoided his gaze. That was probably the first time you confessed that out loud to someone since you moved. You heard JJ shift a little on your bed as pure silence soon enveloped you both.

Since he was already there, why not just let the entire cat out the bag?

“I use to live in a small town outside of Charlotte. My parents didn’t have a lot but they tried to give me and my sister everything they could. My dad would come home late sometimes- there were days when we wouldn’t even see him. My mom sold clothes, shoes, hats, anything she could make at home so we could eat.” You turned to face him. “And as much as it fucking sucked, I liked it better that way than now.”

“So what happened?” JJ peered up at you with sheer orbs and, for a moment, you forgot about his tactless, cold-blooded self.

You sighed and pursed your lips. “My parents divorced because my dad kept having to leave and I moved homes for a few years. Then my mom met Ted and I was, unwillingly, initiated to this Kook life.”

JJ lifted his eyebrows in shock. “You know most people see that as a like a Cinderella story.”

“Well I see it like hell.”

He let out a soft chuckle.

“I know I should be more grateful of everything, but it’s just hard. And weird.” You’re back sitting beside him on the bed at this point. “Like, I’m just not use to this. I’ve never had a phone with internet until now and my mom keeps wanting me to pretend I’m some preppy fairy. And the kids here all suck. They have no personality other than their clothes and cars, and they don’t like me cause I don’t give a shit about that stuff. I really do hate it here. And I miss my dad. I haven’t seen him in years.”

You plopped your head on the pillow and stared at your ceiling. It was nice to get all that off your chest, especially to JJ who’s been shoving his preconceived notions down your throat.

“Well I almost feel sorry for you,” JJ said jokingly as you playfully shoved him.

“But I get it, kinda. I don’t know. My mom passed away, so it’s just me and my dad. He’s,” he paused for a moment, “he has his quirks, you can say. We don’t get along too well, and he’s too busy working to really give me any real attention. It sucks.”

“I’m sorry,” you comforted as he maneuvered so he was laying down next to you. You both rested side by side, fixated on your plain white ceiling. It was nice to finally talk to JJ without making a snide comment every two seconds.

“Do you think it’ll get any better?” you asked, out of the blue.

“You wanna know the truth?” You turned to your side, tucking your arm under your head, ready for his spiel.

“I think we’re where we are for a reason. Do I wanna get the fuck outta here sometimes? Yeah. But I just know I’m meant to have this life and there’s not much I can do to get out. Just gotta take it day by day.”

“C’mon, you never dreamed of going anywhere else in the world? Traveling?” you raised, a bit more enthusiastic than you intended to let on.

JJ exhaled. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

The two of you laid in a comfortable silence for a while longer. There was, finally, an air of understanding between you.

“Why don’t you come to our side then?” JJ asked after a few minutes. “If you hate it here in Kookville so much, why don’t you try the other end for a change?”

“I don’t know. My stepdad thinks The Cut is literally a death wish. He wouldn’t even let my mom go grocery shopping near there. It’s honestly kinda weird to me why he hates it so much.”

“And he never told you why?”

You shook your head and JJ retreated in thought. “I think he’s hiding something. Probably has a mistress over there to be honest.”

You laughed and hit his stomach. “No! Him and my mom are literally attached by the hip! I don’t know... One day Macy went over to see a friend she met and he just flipped. Went over, took her away and everything. Maybe he’s just classist. I mean, he’s old money so I wouldn’t be surprised. But if he is then he wouldn’t have married my mom.”

“Maybe...” JJ muttered. “I still think he’s hiding something. Could be drugs. You know I see Kook guys come over for coke sometimes. Then, on their lunch breaks, their dads come for the same thing. Father and son bonding if you ask me.”

“Well, whatever it is, we can add this case to our mystery book,” you laughed. A real, heartfelt laugh.

You and JJ spent the remainder of the morning talking about your lives, learning how wrong you each were about the other. He told you about the Pogues and how his friend Kiara, who you recognized from school, hangs out with them despite being wealthy herself. On the other hand, you continued to complain to him about all the stuck up nonsense your mother would make you do- to which he actively listened and pitched in his own amusing opinions.

“What do you need etiquette lessons for? How hard is it to stick your pinky out when you drink?”

The topic then switched to Topper and his crew. You settled on calling them the Veggie Tales which made you both erupt in laughter. “What was your first time like?” you asked bluntly.

He threw you an odd look, but continued. “Tourist at a party. I was 15 and I think she was 17? I dunno, but she sure showed me the ropes that night.” He beamed up at the ceiling, thinking back to the time.

“Aren’t all first times supposed to be really awkward and bad?”

“Maybe. I don’t really remember it. Just her. She was fine as hell,” he had on his dreamy eyes. “What was your’s like?”

You let out a sharp breath. You’d never told anyone about it until now. “Before I left the city I was dating this guy for a little while. He came from farmers, so we did it in his uncles barn.”

“Aw, how romantic,” JJ commented before you smacked him with a decorative pillow.

“Ow! What? I thought every girl’s dream was to do it with the chickens watching.”

Your face knotted. “It was horses. And I still have nightmares to this day about the hay sticking at my ass.”

The boy next to you snickered and went on to tease you about your story, cracking all the farm jokes his little blonde head could come up with.

“I should get going soon,” JJ informed when you both settled down, “Thursdays I meet Kie at The Wreck to help out.”

Your eyes jolted. “Thursday?!”

You soared up from your bed and checked the time on your phone. “Fuck fuck fuck!” Your hands tangled up in your hair in stress. “My debutante lessons!”

“What the fuck is that?”

“I have to go to Chapel Hill, my ferry leaves in 20 minutes,” you explained while hastily shoving heels into your canvas bag. Then it occurred to you that your parents took your car because theirs was in the shop.

“Fuck! JJ did you drive here?”

“Yeah, I parked my friend’s van by the gate,” he answered, still confused at the gibberish you spoke moments ago.

“JJ I need you to take me to the dock right now! Please! I can’t miss this ferry.”

“Alright, alright, hurry up then woman! The van only goes up to 110 on a good day.” JJ struggled to get his clothes back on and didn’t even notice his t-shirt on backwards.

You both sprinted out your house and to the front of the neighborhood, past the gate, and towards a clunky old Volkswagen that was parked on the side of the road. You hurried in as JJ fumbled with the keys before thrusting it in the ignition and speeding off towards the dock.

“Fuck we’re not gonna make it!” you stressed, balling your sweaty palms, as your legs bounced on the torn up seat.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry! She’s old but just give her a minute,” JJ assured before he revved the engine and flew down the street. You were concerned at how he expertly steered the old clunker at 105 miles per hour but were too anxious about missing your trip to bring it up.

He finally pulled up to the side of the dock. You sighed in relief, seeing people still boarding.

“Aaand here we are! With 3 minutes to spare,” JJ announced, flipping his blonde locks, proud of his Speed Racer work.

“Thank you for the ride JJ,” you said as you exited the van, “and the heart attack.”

“Hey, you got here in once peace didn’t you? So I don’t wanna hear it!”

You giggled and shut the door, heading towards the herd of people while you dug in your bag for your ferry ticket.

“Have fun at your degenerate lessons!” JJ called out the window at you before speeding away.

You shook your head with a goofy grin before getting on.

-----------------------------

chapter five

tags: @starkeybaby @obxlife @everydayimfangirling @iamaunicorn4704 @tangledinsparkles @poguesrforlife @thx-quxxn @obxmxybxnk @rororo06 @poguesforlife @ilymarkchan @outrbanks @hazelgirl355 @hsunflower @cinnamon-roll-seth @alotbnouf @tembo-ndoto

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