#'you don't have to worry about being queer because you aren't queer enough for me'
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Demisexuality is inheritntly queer actually, even if the demisexual person in question is cis and straight.
You don't get to dictate people's queerness.
You don't get to decide who is or isn't queer enough.
#demisexual#demisexuality#demisexual positivity#it makes me so sad when someone is trying to come out#and someone else thinks they have a right to say#'your identity isn't inherently queer'#'you don't have to worry about being queer because you aren't queer enough for me'
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I love the posts talking about how everyone in the BatFam keeps stealing all of Dick's friends and it made me think of a dc x dp thing where Dick keeps stealing the Fentons from his various siblings.
Dick and Jazz become best friends, bonding over their Eldest Sister Complex, worrying over their younger siblings and the stress of trying to be the diplomats between their parents and younger siblings. They get into their shared trauma of a younger brother dying and coming back and how they feel like they're not doing enough to help and help each other with the hard days.
All while Jason is annoyed that his older brother keeps stealing his girlfriend so they can have a No-Siblings Spa Day.
Danny thinks Dick is the coolest dude ever and looks up to him as someone who started being a vigilante at a young age and knows hoe hard it is to be a kid fighting guys bigger and meaner than you. They have the most god awful pun competitions where the only true loser is everyone else stuck listening to them. Dick teaches Danny insane aerial stunts and they have fun giving everyone around them heart attacks by throwing themselves off the highest buildings possible.
Tim is losing his mind because Dick will just drop in while he and Danny are mid date and derail everything by delivering the worst joke Tim had heard in his life and the two are off trying to out cornball each other.
Damian thinks he's safe because he and Elle aren't dating - aro/ace queer platonic Damian/Elle superiority- but NO, Elle and Dick have a blast hanging out and pranking everyone and being total chaos gremlins. And they talk about the joys of traveling around and Dick talks about how that was one of the hardest things about living with Bruce after his parents were killed was that he was suddenly stuck in one place and then he and Elle are off on a spontaneous road trip.
Damian gets a call from Elle that she can’t join him for dinner because she and Richard are in Peru and about to get on a boat to they don't know where but they probably won't have cell service for a while.
Just, Dick getting his revenge on his siblings by "stealing" the Fentons from them 😂
#dc x dp#dp x dc#batman#danny phantom#dick grayson#jazz fenton#danny fenton#danielle fenton#dani phantom#jason todd#tim drake#ace damian wayne#anger management#brain dead#queer platonic damian and danielle#let 👏 dick 👏 have 👏 vengence 👏#(by being besties with all his younger bros' significant others)#put this under things that for sure are going to end up in the Uncle Oz AU lol
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Heyy, Ghostbusters preference- when they get jealous?
ooo okay ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy!
GHOSTBUSTERS ; jealousy
includes ; trevor, phoebe, podcast & lucky
warnings ; language
masterlist
TREVOR
he's so awkward about it
he doesn't even know what to do at first like... fuck you want him to do??
he doesn't even realize someone's trying to hit on you til you give him the most pleading look of all time
and he literally has to run every scenario through his brain to figure out what to do without getting sucker punched
he's just not a jealous person in general either, half of its obliviousness, half of its just the trust he has in you because he knows you aren't gonna leave him. maybe
if it's going on to long he'll slide in, introduce himself as "Trevor Spengler, one of the Ghostbusters" and hopes it'll impress the other person enough to just leave you alone
90% of the time they just leave because Trev is too awkward to just say "Hey I'm their boyfriend, leave them alone please" lmaoo
PHOEBE
she literally doesn't know what to do bro
like on one hand maybe she's being dramatic but on the other why the hell is someone else talking to you like that???
she's autistic and it's very obvious (this isn't even a hc I'm pretty sure it's actually canon + her being queer yipee) and can sometimes be very blunt or awkward
"can you stop talking to them like that? thank you." while she's got this serious bitch face on
the person quickly scurries away and you're just relieved while she's like confused and a bit upset but doesn't know how to explain it
"pheebs, I'm not leaving you, don't worry. thank you though, i didn't know how to get them to go away"
she gives you a little hug to just silently tell you "Okay, thank you, I'm sorry"
PODCAST
LUCKY
just kinda stands there like 🧍♂️
kinda tries to sling his arm around your shoulders and signal that you were not up to hang out later
and somehow the person just doesn't get it!!
"Okay, uh, they have a boyfriend! they don't wanna hang out with you, please listen to them, thanks"
the person scrambles and he's just like "what the fuck I thought you loved me" in a joking manner
you both go get some candy down the street because that was awful for both of you LMFAO
she's a confident bad bitch okay...
hugs you from behind, arms around your waist and her head resting on top of yours/your shoulder
"Hey, please listen to people when they say they don't want to talk to you, take a hint. they have a girlfriend"
literally a life saver
lucky domingo is a mindset
"I don't understand, why can't people just listen??"
honestly same girl
she's always coming in clutch tho, ain't no way she's letting someone bother you, especially when she's jealous of the fact you're giving them attention
#lowkeyrobin#ghostbusters x reader#ghostbusters preferences#ghostbusters oneshot#trevor spengler x reader#phoebe spengler x reader#podcast x reader#lucky domingo x reader#gender neutral reader#gn reader#they/them reader#gn! reader#podcast ghostbusters x reader
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Hi, I saw you other post and wanted to contribute to the discussion if that's cool.
I'm white, grew up middle class in the suburbs. My parents were both first generation immigrants. I grew up connected to their culture, their parents were Catholics from Northern Ireland who came to the US with their kids during the Troubles due to the violence there. But both of my parents were also pro assimilation; they taught me about my family history, but I wasn't meant to talk about it with others outside of our culture. I didn't understand that as a child, but I later learned that it's because they were afraid of being judged and were worried that it may decrease their social standing.
They are both conservatives, always voting red, and they constantly talk about how immigrants do harm and are terrible for this country to others, acting as though they themselves aren't the children of immigrants. Their parents fled violence and discrimination, yet they judge other people for doing the same. They see themselves as the exception. They're white, and see themselves as entitled to all of the benefits of that.
When I was in middle school, I started becoming aware of the contradictions present in the house I grew up in. I realised I was queer, I started experiencing more misogyny, and I started making friends and finding support in punk/anarchist spaces in my hometown. When I started to push back against my parents, I was met with anger and indignation. How are I not want what their parents "fought so hard" to get? Why couldn't I just accept the privilege and be happy with it? How could I find kinship and community outside of the spheres of whiteness? Why couldn't I just be cishet, and follow those rules to preserve my family's "dignity"?
What was especially crazy to me is that though they felt a "connection" to their Irish culture, the moment I began supporting Irish republicanism and Irish socialists/communists, I was suddenly a traitor. I was somehow a traitor for opposing the oppression that Britian wrought, entirely because I was applying that to other people. They want Ireland free from the British Empire, but they are against Landback in the US, Palestinian sovereignty, and other movements against colonialism arcoss the world. Basically - its not okay when they do it to us, but its okay when we do it to others. They also support kicking the brits out of Northern Ireland, but don't support the destruction of the capitalist policies that have hurt and killed thousands of people. Their people too!
When I got kicked out, I was taken in and supported by the punks, antifascists, anarchists, and communists of my community; a support that I had never seen before. The suburbs were always lonely, cut off from the rest of the town, and people there would rather die than ask others for help. The difference was insane. I'm broke now, disabled, uninsured, and struggling financially, but I have, like, actual friends. I have a community. We all pass the same $20 back and forth to each other to make ends meet, we pool money to buy things in bulk so we all have enough, we go all in on one Costco membership every year to make it easier. I have support here, even if I don't have the same degree of "comfort".
What I gathered from all this is that white immigrants and their children occupy a very weird place in American whiteness, especially those who came to this country fleeing poverty and/or violence. They're traitors to other immigrants, in thinking that they're somehow "more superior" due to their connection to whiteness. They're willing to throw anyone and everyone under the bus to further their own social standing. They feel especially entitled to it, believing that other white people just had it handed to them rather than having to fight for it, but are also terrified of other white people realising that. They put on a great show of whiteness in the hopes that being accepted into this group will makes them safer, while beating down others looking for safety.
I think Irish Americans are especially guilty of this, specifically Irish Catholics. They use the very real oppression and violence that their parent/grandparents faced to deflect from their own shittiness, while also keeping that under wraps around other white people, lest they be seen as less American.
The difference is insane. I don't know how they live like that, genuinely. They're so wrapped up in their privilege and their identity as white that they deprive themselves of real human connection. They beat others down with glee while exempting themselves from the same rhetoric.
I don't have a nice, clean end to this ask, this is more of a collection of observations than anything else. I think international solidarity is required to fix the problems in this world, but I genuinely don't know how to reach some of these people. They have a death grip on whiteness at the expense of their own humanity.
I never responded to this because I didn't know how or what to say; anon said it all already and there was nothing to add.
I am constantly thinking about the things being said here.
"we pass the same $20 back and forth to each other to make ends meet" and "they're so wrapped up in their privilege and their identity as white that they deprive themselves of real human connection" live in my head rent free
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I know this is an unpopular opinion but I have to be honest I see people already trying to bully korbin online and I have to be honest cyberbullying and our own hateful comments gets us nowhere and it needs to stop. The perk about social media is you can block people or simply not follow them or even filter posts but going out of our way to start being asses is so unnecessary. The girl is 20 we have no idea what all she herself has been through or why she has these views but going on her socials just to to start the bullying is so unnecessary let her teammates and coaches handle it. On top of that if her teammates can keep it professional and she can keep it professional then why do we always have to add to the dumpster fire? Why can’t we just watch the fire burn by itself?
To be clear I knew when she signed to PSG she would be this type of person so I just didn’t follow nor do i comment on her posts or anything of the sort which isn’t hard to do. I don’t even like her her picture and biblical post already were red flags for me i could care less if she likes someone like me or not. Does it suck that she reposts or retweets that stuff? Absolutely but at least she’s showing who she is and not hiding it which I would rather she do than pretend like she’s okay with me. I have known people like her personally and overtime these things handle themselves.
If there is such a problem with her rather than doing cyberbullying and/or spreading more hate on her socials how about we write the coaches and so on. It’s literally the best way to remove her. Most of us will never interact with her in person so what is the point of us becoming hateful and starting up this hate filled speech with someone else that’s hateful does it really get us anywhere? Believe me when I say I didn’t want her at PSG or the USWNT and I want her and her beliefs gone but me being a keyboard warrior with everyone else does nothing but mentally hurt someone else and with everything our generations have been through and interviews I have heard from players I might hate her but I don’t hate her enough to break her and then hear about her kicking the can on the news.
Like i said it’ll probably be an unpopular opinion and I’m sure individuals will say she deserves everything coming her way tenfold but I don’t want to be associated to anything having to do with woso or lgbt if it gets to a point where there’s serious harassment and bullying happening that causes her or some other athletes to break or 🪦.
*** TRIGGER WARNING FOR TALKS OF SELF HARM*****
I agree that bullying her does nothing but stoop to her level. However, using the fact that she is younger as an excuse for her behavior is also something I won't let pass. She has been sharing this stuff up until very recently, she knows what she is sharing, and she knows who she is harming. Being 20 does not excuse bigotry. We don't know the environment she makes within a team and we don't know if her teammates are actually just dandy with playing with her but have to due to this thing called a contact.
You might be ok with her being like this, but many aren't. You mention how you don't want to basically add on to the risk of her hurting herself, but what about the kids and others she is affected by the words she is spewing. At the end of the day she does represent the team many have found safety in and while we all know other players share the same views they have all seemingly been very accepting of queer individuals, having a player so outwardly hostile towards the majority of the fan base is a different level. I don't agree with bullying her to cause her harm but she should face public backlash for shitty opinions.
Mental health is a major issue in athletics, but her opinions that do nothing but harm others and cause others to end their own lives don't get brushed under the rug because people worry she will hurt herself. AGAIN I state forcing someone to stand behind their statements and opinions and forcing someone to see the harm they are doing is not harassment or bullying it is her simply having to live up to the shit she says.
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Aren't you worried that another billboard will result in even more people harassing fans which will cause a significant decrease in people engaging with the fandom. I think you guys are shooting yourselves in the foot here in terms of morale and you should probably stop and just refund the money. I don't want an influx of people in my inbox again and I think that is the general consensus among fans. the first billboard was a pr nightmare the second one will have even more diminishing returns. Please if you are involved in the save ofmd crew reconsider your plans and if not reconsider shilling for them
Hi Anon! I appreciate you writing in! As I've mentioned in my previous post, I'm mostly here for supporting the renewal effort by spreading information. I realize it probably looks like because I'm forwarding information from saveofmd that I'm a decision maker. The SaveOFMD team does vote on various initiatives (for example I'm currently on a Taika Appreciation project, and helping suggest charities to support) so it's not just the billboard going on in there. They are one of the initiatives going on in the SaveOFMD Crew.
To address your question:
"Aren't you worried that another billboard will result in even more people harassing fans which will cause a significant decrease in people engaging with the fandom"
To be honest, I'm not, but that's just me. If that's something you're concerned about, that's entirely valid. For me, what I've found is that, nothing I do online, in any fandom is going to be accepted by every person. I choose to continue discussing things with people who are willing to be positive, or at least have constructive and are willing to work through things (like I try to).
The way that I like to look at it personally is, there are always going to be people who harass us. Being a queer woman, I've had that problem my whole life. What matters is how we as a fandom, or individual deals with it. If I go out on the street in mens clothes because they're comfortable, and I get made fun of by someone, or called a slur (which has happened many a time) does that mean I stop doing what I'm doing? For some people, they choose yes, for me, I don't.
If someone is harassing you friend,
1. I would recommend looking for support in your other fans.
2. Block them if they aren't willing to compromise, or you don't have enough spoons to deal with them.
No matter what we do, someone is not going to like us, that's just the way the world works.
In regards to:
"I think you guys are shooting yourselves in the foot here in terms of morale and you should probably stop and just refund the money."
I'm happy to pass on this suggestion to the billboard team (again, I'm on the server for other purposes so I don't usually get involved in that) but I'm more than happy to recommend it for you on your behalf.
In regards to:
"I don't want an influx of people in my inbox again and I think that is the general consensus among fans"
I 100% understand the want for not having your inbox flooded. Might I recommend you set some boundaries on your blog? (This is coming from a place of love, I promise I'm not being sarcastic). If you don't want people talking to you about this, or continuing to ask, I'd just recommend stating that in a pinned post (and/or turning anons off-- I've had to do this before to set a boundary)
To the second part of your statement: "I think that is the general consensus among fans". I would have to respectfully disagree. I've heard much more excitement than I've heard hate regarding it (and I have heard some negative feedback for sure, but I'd say it's 10% concern and 90% for that I've run into), but perhaps I'm not following the right people (so it could be a bias on my part). If you'd like to send in another anon request and forward me to some places where I could find more people who are upset, I'd be more than happy to read through to see what the concerns are.
I try to be sort of a liaison between the fandom and the various renewal efforts going on (including save ofmd crew), so I'm more than happy to pass on information and provide the concerns to people who are headlining that particular initiative.
In regards to:
"the first billboard was a pr nightmare the second one will have even more diminishing returns."
Can you please provide me with a little more information regarding this? From what I saw in every platform online, the billboard was a PR success in terms of getting noticed by studios and media.
There was some backlash among fans / other efforts around the world that thought "the billboard was a waste of money" but the specific purpose was to raise awareness and did get us (the fandom) recommendations from David Jenkins on where to focus efforts.
And that's not to say that bad PR didn't happen. Specifically I know a lot of people were upset because "why pay for a billboard when you can help palestine". I will continue to repeat myself in this particular situation because I think it's important.
1. We are allowed to have things we love (everyone in the world is)
2. We are allowed to fight for those things if we feel the need/ability to do so.
3. Just because a fan supports a billboard, doesn't mean they aren't supporting Palestine, or any other efforts going on around the world.
3.5: Many of us don't show what we donate to for privacy reasons, and because we don't feel the need. The purpose of donating to Palestine for example is very different than the purpose of donating to a billboard (the billboard is meant to get attention) and Palestine is too, but my/anyones donating to help people in Palestine doesn't get attention because the attention is already there. The problem is in the leadership in all our countries literally not doing anything to stop the genocide happening there, despite constant reminders. --- BUT THATS A DIFFERENT STORY FOR ANOTHER DAY.
4. We are allowed to have silly little things that make us happy because otherwise life isn't worth living.
<TW: Death/Trauma>: I grew up in VA during 9/11 the DC sniper all within my high school years (and one of my friends parents were murdered by the dc sniper). </end TW: Death/Trauma>
I say this not for pity, but to point out that I've lived through enough trauma in my life, and gone through enough to know I have to have my silly little things in my life that make me smile, and WE ALL NEED THOSE for our mental health. If someone else doesn't like that, that's their problem, not ours.
Please don't let their inability to cope affect your ability to do so.
"Please if you are involved in the save ofmd crew reconsider your plans and if not reconsider shilling for them"
I made a post earlier tonight regarding this situation. Here's the post so I don't have to repeat it again (and other people dont have to read it again here!) Just like any fundraiser, or watch party, or really anything in this fandom, if people choose to be a part of something, that doesn't mean you or anyone else has to. There are people who put money towards cameos, and I know some people think that's wasteful, but that's not up to them, it's up to the people who want to put in for cameos.
I'm not a huge fan of EdIzzy fanart (I know, gasp) but if I see it on my tumblr I just scroll through it. I don't tell people not to make it, or make them uncomfortable for doing it.
If I may, I would suggest, since the billboard is something that you dont support (and anyone who feels this way)-- 1. feel free to provide feedback, which you have, and I'll forward that on for you, and then 2. move forward and scroll past. The Save OFMD Crew, just like anyone asking for people to join on cameos isn't demanding you help, it's offering it in case you want to join in-- the answer to that can totally be, "No".
Alright anon, thank you again for the feedback. I appreciate you reaching out, and I'll bring these concerns up with the team in the A.M. (for me). Hope you have a good night and things end up being a little calmer for you in your inbox.
To others: I will probably get more asks tonight (I already see the numbers going up in my inbox lol) but I'm gonna wait til tomorrow to answer them because I still have to finish the recap AND do another hour work (and its already 10 PM here) so if I don't get back to you tonight---please know it's not because I don't want to talk, it's just cause I'm running out of hours in the day :)
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I'm going to rant here because I don't have anywhere else to do it in real life or on other social media
There may be sensitive topics underneath. Please proceed with an open mindset.
I have what I think are unique views on the world, at least in this modern day in Nothern America. Many of my friends and peers think that trans women are women and trans men are men. They are not. Trans women are men who have either deluded themselves into believing they are women or are insecure with their lives, likes/interests or how they feel about certain topics and choose to believe they are women to make it okay. The same for trans men. I also know a few people who are in agreement with this in my life. But here's the thing; instead of directly hating on the trans community, I just don't. I don't do anything unless it gets out of hand or concerns my way of life. Why? Because it's damn common sense. I regularly go to an activity that is planned, scheduled, and led by a trans person. Do I hate on said person for being trans? No. Do I support the person for being trans? Also no. But do I stay away from them just because they're trans? No. I enjoy the activity and the people I can do it with. I don't care that they're trans, nor do I care about the other trans people that they talk to during the activity. What I'm concerned about is that apparently, there are trans people out there who are forcing others to bend to their delusions about themselves, very few even resorting to violence. What I mean to say here is that I will not call you by your "preferred" pronouns. What were you when you were born? Afab? Good enough for me, you're a woman, no matter how much you delude yourself into thinking something else because of your own insecurities. The same goes for men. So please, if you're going to force your views and little ticks onto me to shoulder, I'll force mine onto you. Enough of the one-way thinking, "treat others how you want to be treated." Think of the situation where you were treated the "wrong way" first, then act. Do not force me under your views if you do not wish me to force you under mine. If I do force my views on you first, then feel free to [politely] make me call you xer/xir or whatever incomprehensible nonsense you throw at me.
I used to be in a friend group where every person was queer, trans or in the lgbt community in some way. I left that friend group over a year ago because I didn't like how it operated. It wasn't because they're trans. In fact, I formed these views months after I left. I left because I started to question myself. I started to question if I was a woman, I started to question if I was something I was not. I started questioning everything. When I joined the group, I lied that I was bisexual (even though I know that I am now, I still thought I was straight back then) just so I could have friends. Not only that, but sometimes it made me feel like there was a push to be more like them, more involved than just allyship. I don't know if that was the case, and I don't want people to make accusations, but soon after I left, a new person joined who apparently hates all cisgender, heterosexual and neurotypical people (theirs words, not mine) and said, and I quote, "wants them to die." I'm pretty sure no matter who you are, you should agree that no one should die just because they aren't like you. Getting back on track, I left the friend group after around five months or so of speculating that it was a good choice or not. I know it may seem obvious that it was a good choice to leave, but I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to make lasting friends because I would be giving up a group who was toxic but very enduring of each other. In the end, it was a great choice as now I have way better friends. None of them are perfect, dreamlike friends, but they at least aren't toxic like my old friends.
Around the time I started to slowly separate myself from the friend group, a new person joined, we'll call her string. She got along well with the person who also drew me to the group and was quite close with them. For the sake of the rant, let's say there are four friends, rock, grass, paper, and scissors. Rock is the person who led both me and the new person to the group, grass is an extra (I don't have much to say about them), paper is a friend I was closer with before they became trans, and scissors is the one who wants all "normal" people to die. String, the new person, was also someone I wanted to be close to, but couldn't because she seemed more devoted to the friend group. Months go by, and String starts to get close to me, leaving me considering rejoining the friend group solely for her. But, a bit after that, she had a falling out with the group where she made a lighthearted joke and Scissors got aggressive (verbally), Rock felt attacked, and Grass and Paper were both on the sides of the two. This argument went on for about a month before Scissors decided to cut all contact. After that, String became close to me and many other people. She also said the group was toxic and exclusive, confirming my doubts and allowing me to solidify never even considering talking to the friend group again.
Smaller part here, but it's still important. I don't believe I am a feminist. I don't want to be a stay at home wife and have kids, not at all. I want to work, but I don't want to force other women to work if they would rather stay at home. Of course, given they're under the right circumstances to survive and thrive that way. I want to help and contribute to society. You don't? Fine by me. Hell, even a man can choose to stay home if he is also under the right circumstances. Do what you want with your life. Just don't drag me down with you.
That's pretty much it. If you want to inform me of something, please comment it and be nice, at the very least. It's the internet, this is tumblr, it's the easiest thing in the world to lie here or at least pretend to look nice. It's just easier to comprehend.
Though, if you want to send hate, do so through the ask box in my blog. But don't be a wimp and do it anonymously. If you want to hate somebody, do so with a name attached to the faceless words I receive. I'm fine with receiving hate, I'm always down to talk or answer, but at least do so in a more convenient way for the both of us or in a way that doesn't ruin your pride.
If you agree with my previous opinions stated in previous paragraphs, please reblog. It'll be very comforting to know others think the same as me.
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The Laws of Fandom Protect Whiteness.
Disclaimer: I do think that fandom only works if people stick to the Three Laws of Fandom, i.e. SALS, DL;DR, and YKINMK. I am anti-anti and I believe that writing problematic things does not make you problematic in real life. Basically: I'm on your side, fellow fic writers.
But there is a caveat. We have to remember why the Three Laws exist. They are there so that fandom is a safe space for everyone. So it can be a place we all come to and feel respected and heard. But this undoubtedly privileges White people.
The Three Laws of Fandom will inherently protect White people's safety because we don't have to worry about unconscious bias or racist conditioning towards our race or ethnicity. The Three Laws of Fandom do not inherently protect People of Colour because White people in fandom will have forms of racist bias that we have to unlearn. Therefore, the Laws only work if White people choose to be actively anti-racist and listen to POC in the fandom.
Let's expand on this.
This is not saying that writing racism, or writing racially-charged themes, should be censored or off-limits to White people. But when we do write them, we need to remember that the Laws also only work because fandom operates on a comprehensive tagging system. We are able to enforce DL;DR because we have tags showing us exactly what is in the fic. Therefore - don't like age difference? Don't like non-con? Don't like violence? You can opt out!
But if you write racially-charged themes and don't give appropriate content warnings, then you aren't giving POC the chance to opt out. In fact, you are endangering their mental and emotional safety by pulling them into subject matter that has real-world implications for them. And yes, entering fiction always carries a risk of reading something that you don't like - but is far more dangerous for POC than for White people.
It is one thing to accidentally read a fic that depicts a kink you don't like, it is another for a POC to read their own experiences being depicted in a way that makes them out to be no big deal, and not even a big enough deal to be appropriately tagged.
It is also important to note that a POC alerting you to racist themes or passages in your work and asking you to appropriately tag or consider the way you wrote them isn't the same as them flaming you. In fact, it shows care. This person thinks that you are worth their time and effort to try and have a conversation with. If you shut that down and prioritise your right to write anything you want above someone's safety, that is a racist act.
This type of racism results in people like Stitch's Media Mix taking a hard line against the Laws altogether, as they are so regularly used as excuses by White people to justify racism. While I disagree with Stitch's ultimate conclusion, can I blame her for how they got there? The Laws have certainly never been leveraged against me to dismiss my lived experience or concerns, and have only contributed to fandom being a safer space for me. But Stitch is Black and speaks about antiblackness and racism in fandom - and gets barrages of death threats and hate mail for doing so, from fans participating in these spaces.
How are we supposed to tell POC that the Laws keep their spaces safe when they so clearly do not?
On a related note, I think the prioritisation of ✨positivity✨ over any sort of critique or conversation is another mechanism to protect Whiteness. It's important to remember that particularly in slash fandoms, the majority of fans tend to be white queer AFABs or genderqueer people, so the normal structures of patriarchy and heteronormativity that we navigate in our regular lives don't enter into fandom as pervasively. Whiteness, however, is the oppressive structure that tends to persist in slash fandoms, and therefore we need to be cognisant of how this can marginalise and isolate POC fans.
If you avoid difficult, race-based conversations because you only spread "positivity", then you do not actually care about everyone in fandom having a positive experience.
Paraphrasing from 'Conflict is Not Abuse' by Sarah Schulman, conflict isn't inherently bad. It's productive. It shows care. It's growth.
The Laws of Fandom can and should work for everyone. But we are the actual enforcers. We have to recognise the potential ways people can abuse the Laws to marginalise, threaten and isolate POC fans.
People of Colour deserve a seat at the table of fandom. They deserve a safe space. They deserve to feel wanted and seen and respected.
I don't have all the solutions for this - I'm White and recognise that everything I'm saying here I only learned from POC and have probably not said it as well or as eloquently as they have been doing (but no one's listening). I welcome any additions, critiques or insights from POC to this post.
The type of fandom I want to cultivate is safe and inclusive for everyone, and we need to start thinking about what that actually means.
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Not super into Jessie Gender, but I watched their video on "how we talk about trans men" and I've gotta say it was disappointing asf.
As a trans masc/guy I feel like I can't really have an opinion? Like for me it's like I'm too scared to be angry, like if I am it's just gonna be thrown back at me like "oh it must be those testosterone hormones coming out" or "well of course your all angry your a man" like men can't be sensitive at all or something? It's almost always said in a way to "give me euphoria" cause that's how we're supposed to treat men.
At times it really feels like we're being pushed out of queer spaces because we'll if your a guy you wouldn't wanna be a part of the marginalised group ya know cause "we're escaping to get to privilege" right?
I don't feel like our experience with gender is allowed to be expressed openly and we're absolutely not allowed to be GNC. And honestly the same could probably be said for GNC trans fems too, I don't see a lot of them either.
I feel like in Jessie gender's video they kinda didn't *actually* wanna sit with what they said originally? Like when it came to the Barbie movie I wanted to participate in the conversation of girl hood and how that's still relevant to me and how it's shaped me as the person I am today, how much I enjoyed the Ken dolls experience and how they played with masculine fashion in a way I hadn't seen in a while. But honestly I felt like well this movies for the girls so I probably shouldn't say anything.
Sometimes I wonder if we partially do this to ourselves because a lot of us keep to ourselves and don't really wanna be seen half the time. I haven't talked to the trans masc I knew since we all left Facebook, it's so lonely out here and the more I look for trans content the more I see trans fems and basically only white trans masc (with like maybe 2 poc ones but is that really all we get?) It makes me feel like I don't exist. The only places I can see poc trans masc viking or existing is on sites run by a variety of trans people or is run by a trans masc person living free.
When I see that I think, thank god your fucking real. Thank god I see someone like me thriving and existing out there.
I wanna see more of y'all, like actually see y'all, I feel like I'm fading away as more and more content keeps talking about how bad trans fems (oh and non binary but let's not define what you mean or who you're talking about we just throw them in there cause let's be more inclusive right? But only to you? Great) but the amount of trauma that's in the trans masc community is horrific and is not talked about or addressed at all.
In men's spaces there's not room for queer most of the time, so to find a place to belong and essentially get told my issues aren't as important or that trans fems ("and nonbinary" cause again you're lying to yourself by saying this even if your non-binary) then you're fundamentally missing out on our lives. I don't even feel like we have enough data on us because even the trans masc get lumped in with nonbinary or GNC like that's just fucking normal.
I remember a study was out on trans masc and GNC women about how often all of us deal with sexual assault and it's the closest I've seen and it wasn't even good findings it was depressing. I wish I could find it again. But again that study put us with GNC (pretty sure it was cis) women!
Please not this is coming from someone who's been SA'd pre and post coming out as trans. Did you know some people see us as a way to see if they're gay or bi? Like experiment on us, get us drunk and tell us we should just take it because "well you're supposed to be a man right?" We can't even get to these conversations yet and I'm worried we never will.
Do we even exist? Are we allowed to voice our opinions? Are we allowed to be mad? Are we allowed to be upset with our community? Can we do our own studies? Should we be more visible? I'm scared to, I don't wanna show my face I'm a very private person, but do I need to address that? Is that a bad thing? Is it perpetuated by my environment?
I don't know and honestly I just wanna see more variety of trans masc people, I'm scared we're just gonna stay under the radar and continue to deal with the bullshit we always have.
Ps. Jessie gender 100% did the I have a trans masc friend, no matter how much they said "I'm not doing that" they literally were doing it and there was almost no self reflection on that at all. This wasn't really the video I think they thought it was cause all it did was tell me they don't talk to us very often and that at this point I've just seen heart reacts to comments on their video's comments and not any actual responses to what anyone's said on there. It'll be a process I get it but this video was not good at all and I feel like any trans masc who's getting excited about being seen by a bigish YouTuber is like me desperate for anything validation cause that's kinda how starved we are out here tbh.
#transgender#transmasc#trans man#trans#trans guy#jessie gender#youtube#ftm#ftm trans#non bianry#nonbinary
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Hi, I think this maybe constitutes a Wales Question! So, I'm English originally, currently in my third year at Aber university, and its reputation for "that place you go to study and then never ever leave" is looking like it's holding true. I've been living with two very good friends of mine who are extremely Welsh for nearly 2 years now, and in that time I've been slowly picking up bits of Welsh culture and language (it started with me not wanting to mess up trying to pronounce the biology building name and looking like an idiot, but I got very interested from there, and plan on taking a class after I graduate).
I'm serious about wanting to live here, I've fallen in love with the town and the country ever since my knowledge of it evolved from "dragons and sheep and funny long names on road signs" that I thought as a kid, and I've genuinely enjoyed being brought into the fold and joining in stuff with my friends, But. my friends are very adamant that this means I can Be Welsh, and I'm not sure how to take it. On one hand, of course I would like to be, but I'm not sure how much I can claim that confidently- I didn't grow up here, have barely lived here for that long, and there's still a lot I don't get so I'm worried about making it weird. On the other, I think adamantly declaring myself English instead and turning them down is very very easy to take the wrong way!
As the most vocally Welsh person I am aware of on tumblr, I am humbly requesting your take on this... would it be considered unreasonable for foreigners to claim Welshness, with enough effort put in to learning ofc? It would be very nice and appreciated to get a second opinion :)
Diolch yn fawr iawn!
Okay so obviously I am slapping on a HUGE caveat here that I am No One, I am just another stranger at the shouting match who sometimes has some thoughts about things I see and the ability to amusingly compare things to other things. What follows are the lukewarm takes of Just Some Person, and not to be taken as gospel in any way.
But also lol you did ask and I love giving opinions, I do, so let's gooooo
So first up, I do think you're slipping into the fallacy here of playing the Boxes Game with something that doesn't fit neatly into boxes, as indeed nothing about humans and people and humans being people actually does. The thing about national/cultural identity is that they aren't precise, immutable data points. 'Culture' is already quite a loose and ethereal beast - you're basically drawing a circle around a bunch of things and going "Everything in here is X Culture!", and you'll be largely right doing that; but, the edge of the circle isn't, in reality, a hard border. It's a gradient. The circle will overlap with other circles, too. And sometimes even the things in the centre of the circle turn out to be absent half the time, and it's all a bit messy. Really, it's a bell curve, and you're just looking to see what turns up most frequently, with the understanding that you only get the big picture from all the data points together.
Nationality is even fuzzier, tbh. It's a highly personal thing. I'm very Welsh - my Welshness, though, looks different even from other Welsh people in Swansea, and certainly from a Welsh person living in Caernarfon. There are definitely unifying elements; but ultimately, it's something you kind of carve out for yourself, both consciously and unconsciously.
And I bring that up because part of your question is, "At what point do I cross the line into the circle? How long do I have to wait and how much do I have to do before Welshness happens? When do I get to claim the label?"
And there's no answer to that. Not for anyone. This is an identity issue, not a hard scientific concept. Kind of reminds me of a lot of questioning folks in the queer community, in fact. Humans like boxes and labels because they're comforting, but ultimately, we fit in them about as well as angry cats.
With that said, though, it's certainly true that there is a profound and observable difference between a naturalised citizen and a long-term tourist, which I think is the root of your fears here. A Brit who likes holidaying to Spain and decides to go and live there but doesn't learn Spanish, doesn't integrate with the local community, doesn't respectfully partake of any local customs (especially if they condescendingly view the local customs as quirky or quaint, or worse, look down on them), who learns nothing of the history of the area or wider country... that Brit could live there for 40 years, could even go the whole hog and get Spanish citizenship. But they are nothing more than a long-term tourist. Part of claiming culture and nationality is that it's not a spectator sport.
But by contrast, if that Brit were to learn Spanish and use it in everyday life (even if they sometimes fell back on English, or used a funky mix like Spanglish sometimes); if they learned all the history, INCLUDING and MOST ESPECIALLY all the pressure points that mean a Brit in particular cannot do X thing or make X joke; if they integrate with the local community, helping neighbours and coming to community events; if they respectfully take part in local customs, and only add elements of their own culture after learning about the customs properly so they know which bits are important and which can be amended...
Well, that's a totally different matter, isn't it?
It sounds like you're in the latter camp. It's particularly encouraging that your Welsh friends are already adopting you, in the broody chicken fashion of Welsh Mams Everywhere, because it suggests that while you may be English, you aren't English TM (you know the type). So, that's a good start, and it certainly puts you on the path to Naturalised Citizen.
So at that point, I suppose it becomes a matter of personal comfort. You're certainly right that it's still, relatively speaking, quite a new facet of your identity that you've only just started exploring and developing. Learning Welsh, when you get round to it (check with the university by the way, Aber is very keen on helping students learn and can get you cheaper/free courses), will push you several miles down that road, because that's a big effort expenditure AND it will put you in touch with the second of Wales' two dominant cultures.
But ultimately, the label you use has to be down to what you feel fits best, and what you're comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with 'Welsh' yet, then that's completely fine - it's not for you at the minute. Put it on a back burner. Maybe use 'British' for now? In place of 'English', which is more specific. Maybe you can say you're "from England originally", or that you were born there but live here now; both of those are accurate, but also give the statement of intent. They make it clear that, as an adult, Wales is 'home'. This is where you're choosing.
In any case... croeso i'r clwb! And a thousand thanks for learning the language, and even just for the effort you've put in so far. Even just learning the pronunciation puts you miles above most English people, in spite of it being such a basic thing to do. It's more appreciated than you can know.
Also sorry this got long lol
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Queer slasher head canons
So it's pride month and I'm feeling very queer and trans so I'm going to be talking about my queer headcanons for slashers. I know I'm talking about gender and sexuality in a modern context in this and these slashers aren't set in modern days mostly so do with that what you will. These are also my opinions so don't yell at me if you disagree
Bubba Sawyer has a very fluid gender expression and I love that for him. He's kind of all over the gender expression spectrum so it makes sense in my mind that he uses the masks as an excuse to express his queer identity. He does see himself as a man sort of, but if he learns that he doesn't have to be a man he'll be so relieved. He also has a preference for women when it comes to romantic interests but it doesn't matter too much.
OG Michael Myers mostly grew up in a mental insitution so he doesn't really know much about gender or gender roles. He doesn't see why it matters if a man wears a dress or a woman wears pants and has short hair, he's killing them either way. He just honestly doesn't care about gender too much, call him whatever you want. The same goes for sexuality. He doesn't find people attractive often, but if someone's attractive, they're attractive.
Jason Voorhees grew up being told he's a boy and he feels comfortable with the title of being a man, not that he really hears people referring to him as a man that often. I feel like he sees gender as a more basic thing and if you say you're a woman, you're a woman, if you say you're a man, you're a man. He might not totally understand identities outside of that but he'll learn with time. He grew up not knowing anything about sexuality and he just thought only men and women could get together but he's learned over time that any gender can be with any gender and he's left it at that. He honestly does prefer women but if a man's hot, Jason doesn't mind checking him out.
Harry Warden just like Jason grew up being told he's a man so he's never felt uncomfortable with the title of being a man. He likes being a man and he prefers to stick to more modern terms of being masculine and stuff like that. He'll be a little confused about people who don't stick to traditional gender norms but again, he'll learn over time. Raging homo in the closet. He's grown up being told that straight is the only option so when he finds out he's mostly only attracted to men he's a little worried. If only there was a nice handsome man to help him overcome this.
Billy Lenz doesn't care if you call him a man or a woman or something else, he's still going to harass you over the phone. Billy guesses he's a man because that's what everyone says he is so why should he care. I feel like he's all bark and no bite when it comes to his phone calls. This man will say the smuttiest, juicy, toe curling, moan inducing, mouth watering sentences over the phone and the minute you go to confront him he's back tracking. I put him somewhere on the asexual spectrum for this. As for sexuality he does have a preference for women but in the end, hot people are just hot.
Stu Macher is a cis guy. He's always been comfortable with being a guy and he likes being a guy in general. He grew up thinking everyone was comfortable with wanting to date anyone regardless of gender but he found out that he was the only one later on. He's attracted to everyone regardless of gender so this man is a fruit.
Billy Loomis is also a cis guy. He's happy with being a guy but he is a little insecure in his masculinity. I feel like he's never felt many enough because he's bi and he's just trying to find ways to make up for it. But of course Stu is someone he can confide in when he's feeling this kind of way.
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Hi sex witch, i realise that this is not an actual sex ed related question and I hope this isn't overstepping any bounds.
I'm sort of in a weird spot right now a la my sexuality and am trying to figure out if I actually want a relationship and if what I feel is romantic attraction or Friendship levelled up. I've known for a long time that I'm Demisexual or Ace, and I thought I knew that I still felt romantic attraction but now I'm less sure.
How did you come to realise that you were aromantic? In that discovery did you ever wonder if it was a sort of 'mental block' or something similar that would be better off working through? (I ask because I'm sort of stuck in that state of mind right now, and I'm just curious to see if it's a common experience or not)
I realise that this is a fairly sensitive topic, and I really don't mean offense by asking.
I also realise that no two people's experiences will be the same but I was interested in hearing about it from another person's perspective.
I hope you have a great day whether or not you give this ask the time of day.
I've asked you other things in the past and it's always been brilliantly helpful. Thanks a lot for everything you do.
hi anon,
no worries about overstepping boundaries :) this is a pretty reasonable thing to ask of someone, and I'm happy to talk about it!
there's a funny story that I tell about the moment I probably should have known, but didn't yet have the language. in sixth grade my class had an assignment that involved making a collage timeline of the rest of our lives (a proto-vision board of sorts) and I think I was the only kid in the class who didn't put getting married on my timeline. everyone else did, as far as I can remember, and most of them also included having kids. being a pedantic little fuck I pointed out to several of my friends that it was really unreasonable to assume they would find someone they liked enough to marry who liked them back, to which everyone told me (paraphrasing) to shut the fuck up and stop being a little bastard.
but it still seemed very strange to me, because even when I was very young - back when I barely had the language to conceptualize being gay, let alone aromantic - I never imagined my life with a romantic partner. romantic pairings were interesting in stories, sure, I ate that shit up from a very young age! the star-crossed lovers shit going on in American Dragon: Jake Long did a number on my developing brain, and my Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops got up to INSANE relationship drama, but for myself it never really felt, like, relevant? not unpleasant, just uninteresting.
but I still had crushes on people as I grew up, and more importantly I had crushes on people of various genders, so during my teen years I was WAY more preoccupied with repressing my burgeoning bisexuality than drawing any conclusions about my romantic orientation
spoilers: the bisexuality won.
in college I had a friend who identified as asexual at the time, who spent maybe a year trying to convince me that I was aromantic. and I didn't want to hear it! I don't know why, honestly; maybe some part of me, despite loving the community I had found coming into my queerness, was still subconsciously afraid of being too different and grappling with the consequences.
so instead I did this uuuuh real dirtbag thing where instead of just acknowledging to myself that I was pretty fundamentally uninterested in romantic relationships and that that's fine, I spent the first half of college leaning hard on self-deprecation to explain my single status. oh, me? why aren't I dating? well, I'd probably be a really bad partner. yeah, I suck. I mean, I'm so busy all the time! and I'm weird.
(at the time I know I definitely had friends who assumed I was Like That because my parents were divorced, which is hilarious old-fashioned and also categorically untrue. I was Like This way before my parents got divorced!)
it actually took a relationship ending pretty badly to make peace with the idea that maybe I didn't want a relationship at all. I won't get into the details on that, because it involves another person and we were both very young and accidentally hurt each other a lot in ways we didn't mean and I don't think anyone was the villain, but I don't want it to come across like I had one bad breakup and then swore off romance, a thing I'd previously been interested in, forever. it was more like I found myself in a really heightened situation - they really desperately needed a good and attentive romantic partner after getting out of a bad relationship, I wanted our friendship to stay exactly the same but with a sexual component - that made very, very obvious what I was actually looking for in non-platonic relationships. which was, I guess, actually pretty platonic relationships, but with genitals involved.
haha just kidding, I actually didn't get that part through my skull until I spent an entire summer crying constantly, dissociating frequently, and spending way too much time on BAD dates having even worse sex that made me feel gross! but we got there eventually.
that part probably isn't super relatable to you if you're somewhere in the ace realm, sorry about that.
anyway, once the dust settled and I felt halfway human again I was feeling vulnerable and open to change - finally willing to see myself in a new way and reckon with parts of myself that I hadn't been before. I remembered what my buddy had always said about me seeming Really Aromantic, and I let it settle on me. how would I feel, if I actually was aromantic? how would it change my life, how I thought about myself?
and if I can use a cliche with you? it felt like a weight rolling off my shoulders. I suddenly had a whole sturdy base to build a better understanding of myself on, an easy way to justify the way I lived that didn't require throwing myself under a bus.
thinking of myself through the lens of aromanticism felt like a huge, HUGE relief, and frankly I think that, more than anything, is the best way for anyone to decide if they should be applying any identity label to themselves. which brings us back to you! I actually don't believe in the model of sexuality and gender that posits a secret innate Right Answer buried in each person that they'll discover if the just find the right terminology. all of the words we use are the result of our time and place, right? people like us existed all through history with different words for themselves, and they'll exist way after us calling themselves things we can't imagine.
so basically: I came to realize I was aromantic because calling myself aromantic felt like loving myself, and if that's the case for you than I strongly recommend you do it, too.
happy pride xoxo
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Ppl who hate Bkg are either unhealed cishet guys or just a bunch of posers that follow "hated one of the week" for likes.
It's just not possible for a normal person to be THIS stupid and not be aware of it, they are 100% doing this on purpose.
Some people just enjoy riding the hate train and that's true (which is applicable to bnha hate in general), but I'm sure that there are ways in which we can talk about what dickheads Bakugou haters tend to be without joining them in ableism land
Often enough it's all a result of toxic masculinity and everything that comes with it 🤷♂️ Bakugou is "threatening" because much of his (male) character is intimately tied to the (male) protagonist in ways that go way beyond simple rivalry and friendship (without their bond ever being defined or alluded to as being familial ⚠️), something which has been acknowledged by multiple characters (All Might, Kirishima, Uraraka, AFO) + some of the roles he fulfils tend to be stereotypically associated with female characters (eg kidnapping victim to be rescued, person who worries for the mc the most, the mc's weakness) + through his growth he embodies the need to accept both other people's strengths and your own vulnerabilities + he doesn't have a (female) love interest to distance him from Midoriya with. All of this + the fact that most of his fans are queer and/or women + "bkdk bad but Midoriya has to be our self insert" = Bakugou is an incarnation of everything that a Man™ shouldn't be and is thus bad
Then add the general tendency to refuse to accept that bnha is very much a manga about Feelings And Emotions + the seemingly initially promised power fantasy of a bullied person overcoming their bully (a perfect hook for projection), and you get things like "Bakugou only stopped bullying Deku because of OFA" (literally untrue), "Bakugou never faced any consequences" (he very much did), "I was bullied and I would have never forgiven Bakugou" (you aren't Midoroya and Bakugou wasn't your bully), etc
I don't think that they're doing this on purpose simply because it's perfectly in line with these kinds of people to go to extreme lengths to deny reality simply because it collides with their cultural background/ideology. Certainly there are also people who just dislike or even hate Bakugou because of his personality alone, but even then disliking a character =/= being able to recognise the role that they play, the importance that they have. Eg with another super misinterpreted character, I don't have many strong feelings for Tomura, but understanding what he stands for is enriching regardless, especially because many other characters I love are tied to him (speaking of. geez I wonder who is the character that is also tied to Tomura who these people deny is tied to Tomura because they hate him). He's essential to the puzzle and to Midoriya's story, just like Bakugou is, and it literally costs me nothing to say this because I don't have a weird complex about it 🤷♂️
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Let me display an array of negative emotions in public for a sec
I feel like I haven't been this low in ages. I'm seriously considering changing my career to something less interesting but maybe a little more stable. I almost wrote 'less fulfilling' instead of 'less interesting' here but the point is - it's more stressful than fulfilling at this point.
Impostor syndrome is a quiet constant for me but it seriously seems like I'm far behind other people I know who started tattooing around the same time as I did. It's like I'm walking in circles, not actually acquiring any new skills, at least not in a sensible timeframe. And being stressed about not being as competent as I should be while having to pretend like I am is not the best learning environment which completes this circle. I work with people who are both younger than me and technically more competent than me which is discouraging in the sad, tired and resigned kind of way. (I should point out that I did the right thing at the very beginning - but you can still go through apprenticeship that doesn't point you in the right direction or provide any actual practical advice, not to mention solid skills). What's more, I feel like it hurt my general artistic abilities, not giving me enough room (energy and mental capacity) to grow through experimentation, exercise that my 'waste' my time or creating more time-consuming projects. I taught myself how not to rely on inspiration (which is actually a very useful skill) but I usually use it to create things at the merely passable level that a perfectly average client finds acceptable and will graciously agree to use instead of some random picture stolen from Pinterest. I love doing art, I want to do art - I don't know if tattooing is the kind of art I should be doing or if the art should be my main source of income in general.
My client base (as little as it was) pretty much crumbled away with only some people coming back from time to time but even then I see they don't have much money to spend (nor I expect them to). I don't know if I'm too awkward around strangers (I'm can be pretty awkward) for clients to actually want to work with me on a purely vibe based level or people just aren't interested in what I have to offer art-wise. I'd say my skills have something to do with that but I know (of) tattooers with absolutely abysmal works still managing to be fully booked. Being a queer person in a not that big of a city also means I have to be selective about who I'm willing to work with because my safety may depend on it. I know the self-promotion is an important part of being any kind of professional artist in this capitalist hell but to be frank, I fucking suck at it. I loathe fake-fun fake-energetic artistic content. I hate content-content, to be honest. At the same time I don't hate social media as a concept, I'm more of a shitposter type of guy though and I don't know if I'm brave enough to let it spill into my public facing profiles - both because of my safety as mentioned above but also because it my scare potential clients even more. In consequence my financial stability kind of doesn't exist at this moment.
I'm burned out but I don't do enough to be burned out. I need a break but I cannot afford to have a break. This job takes its toll on a body too. I need a regular physiotherapy for my arm, and fuckes my eyes even more than they're fucked by themselves (a lot). Sometimes I wonder how for how long I'll be able to continue this career before my body says no.
I'm just constantly stressed and worried, and I'm not sure what to do.
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calling lesbians who aren't okay with "trans men lesbians" radfems is weird as hell when "trans men are just confused lesbians" IS a widespread radfem stance. if you support them whatever but it's disingenuous to act like lesbians who don't want to date trans men are radfems for that
I think policing relationships and gender and such in the queer community is genuinely one of the worst things that's happened to us in the last 20 years.
I think if you're attracted to someone or not then ok? That's it. Period.
Who cares how they identify or the words they use?
"lesbophobia"
Give me a fucking break. Show me the trans man killing lesbians. Trying to get lesbian relationships to be criminalized? To have them removed from the queer community?
You can't. Because it's not trans men doing that. It's TERFs.
"they're invading our spaces!"
Oh like a hypothetical evil cis man would invade a bathroom by pretending to be a woman?
I said radfem-lite lite for a reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
We made up a bunch of rules for how the Other person you're attracted to identifies and then moralized it and made DNIs and started calling queer people"-phobic" based on Your own ideas of gender/relationships (good job creating a more inclusive shitty binary with rules btw) and acting like everyone who doesn't agree with Your rules and ideas is some queerphobic enemy is fucking wild.
The whole point of queerness is simply that we aren't allo cishets. That we're different. And it's something we ALL experience so we're supposed to be understanding. That sometimes people WONT have the same concept of gender as you, the same rules and that's okay. We are a community because understand each other on that. We agree and have that solidarity because we ALL experience this from people who believe that binary can NOT allow for trans people or queer relationships.
I will literally Never ever agree with anyone who disagrees any of this. They're no ally of mine or the queer community. You are wildly accepting of your siblings or you have some queerphobia to work on.
Believe whatever the hell you want but to say Specific queer people are "invading" your space is also just fucking ahistorical. For a long time lesbian was the only word even used if you presented as a woman and liked people who presented as women. Did you know that? Who cares if you were a man or woman or trans or a gender?
If you feel like how someone ELSE identifies undermines your own identity then welcome to the Same Exact reason that homophobic and transphobic straights are homophobic and transphobic!!
We make them question gender and relationships in ways that make them uncomfortable. That make them question their own relationship to gender itself. And nobody is supposed to do that. You're supposed to follow the rules. Girls aren't supposed to kiss girls. And nobody is supposed to want to transition.
And so just like we tell them, I will tell you: if there is no harm being done, then there's no foul. Mind your own business instead of worrying about someone else's.
Some lesbians having the same struggle to accept this as allo cishets do, does not mean that they are being attacked and persecuted by trans man lesbians anymore than cishet women are being persecuted by fake trans people.
Can we please be over this now?
We get enough shit from straight people trying to regulate gender, we truly do not need reinvent the same fucking dynamic in our own community.
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Weird question but like. How do you curate your experience in the gay community? Like it seems like no matter where I go, I'm constantly surrounded by hyper judgemental, mean spirited body fascists (whether they're tight bodied twinks or huge buff hyper masculine daddies). Constantly pressured into doing things I don't want to do, shamed for saying no to things or not enjoying the same things that they do or even just having other interests... At this point the idea of having sex with men or even just hanging out in gay spaces just makes me feel emotionally exhausted, and I can't even remember a time when it made me happy. But I see people like you who are clearly having a blast being gay and I just really want to understand. How do you do it? How do you find your place? Or is it really just giving in and accepting that I have to either learn to enjoy being like them or accept being alone?
Hi there! I have a few asks in my inbox about how to make gay friends and find community that I haven't answered yet. These asks are bittersweet to me, because it's nice to be seen as a potential mentor in finding these things, but I don't see myself as one. I had a crush on this guy in college, and would watch his social media stories of what looked like an exciting life that I wanted to emulate. I ran into him at a bar later, hooked up with him, and he told me "I wish I could be more like you. You just get out there and dance!" That got me. What do you say when two people look up to each other but neither thinks they deserve it? But that's the thing. Most people feel lonely sometimes, even the ones who look like they have it all together, even tight bodied twinks and hyper masculine daddies.
I live in a mediocre city in the Midwest. We're just not big or glamorous enough to have to worry about being "LA hot," and that helps. But wherever your city is, try out different spaces. I don't know what you look like, but bear or not, I recommend bars that are bear friendly. I watched a documentary, Bear Nation, where guys in their 30s and 40s went their whole lives thinking they didn't like to dance until they found spaces where they could dance without judgment and be seen as sexually desirable. That's what it's all about! I also recommend bars that aren't gay bars in the strictest sense but have a lot of queer clientele, punk/dive bars that have edgy, rough around the edges drag shows, or even gay organizations like nonprofits, sports clubs or a chorus.
Wherever you go, bring a friend who's down with it if you have the chance. Judgmental people don't matter when you're with people you can be yourself around. Some of the friends who got me out last year I met through Grindr and Scruff. I thought that was cheating at first, but if you end up enjoying someone's company, does it really matter how you met?
Your journey will involve a balance between pushing yourself out of your shell and knowing your limits. I believe in you. ❤️
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