#[ in a 'we're finally here' kind of setting? it becomes difficult. ]
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I Want You to Stay (12) | JJK
Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut
Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; mentions of childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; mention of past experience of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts, business/property devt, and book talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; sexual content (18+)
Chapter Word count: 24.7k
Series Masterlist
Status: Ongoing
Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.
Playlist 🎶: on the way home
A/N: Hiii so this took a while but thank for being patient and showing so much love! This might sting a bit but I hope you enjoy it. We're close to the end so don't lose hope! 🤭🤭
And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight 🥰
PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!
There’s a kind of pain you don’t want to experience, one of a broken heart caused by someone you’ve given your all to. This doesn’t feel like that, but it’s close.
It’s so damn close that you feel your chest tightening, the unfamiliar feeling of loss of a person you never even had overwhelming you. You press your palms on your ears to block the sound of your heart breaking, but even that doesn’t do anything.
You let go, your fingers now shaking as you type away. Jungkook has asked you to send him your resignation letter so he can forward it to HR for documentation. It’s like saying goodbye to him all over again, and it doesn’t hurt any less.
This is all on you though, you remind yourself. Wanting him was wrong in the first place - he’s your boss, the man who pays you, who needs you so he could do his job, so you could make his life easier. But he’s also the son of the man that your family is indebted to; a man who, in a lot of ways, shaped the way you approach life and determine what you want out of it. Jungkook stands as a reminder of who you are and where you came from, of the childhood you had, and the decisions you made to get to where you are now. You let your guard down and let him in, and you let yourself fall for a man whose own past was always going to intertwine with yours.
You don’t know what you were thinking, kissing him and believing that things would fall into place. That was the thing - he kissed you and you kissed him back, a moment of weakness that you had no business having, as if almost doing it the first time wasn’t bad enough. You planned on leaving, and you hoped that you’d get to tell him on your own terms, that you’d have time to process your feelings and then explain yourself to him, that you’d be able to process his feelings and see the sincerity in them.
But life doesn’t always play out the way you want to, and you can keep thinking that people would react the way you hope they would but you’re human. You fell into his touch and wanted so much of it that you couldn’t think properly. He asked you to stay - expected it actually, which is the last thing you wanted him to do.
And now you’re left here with a lot of emotions that you don’t know what to do with - all conflicting, all overwhelming, and all seemingly out of your control.
You can’t deny what you feel for Jungkook. The thought that he feels the same should be something you welcome, but with how you both learned about it, and with him now knowing the secret you’ve been keeping, it’s hard to think how you both could move forward without those feelings of doubt, perhaps of distrust. You know enough that those aren’t good starting points for any relationship.
You’re doing what you have to do. Resigning was always the plan, but doing it this way wasn’t. You also didn’t expect you’d be leaving so much more than just a team you enjoy being a part of and a boss you’ve come to admire, a man who’s come to mean a lot of things to you.
And so even if this is the decision you’ll make every single time, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you to be making it. Perhaps it’s now just dawning on you that you’re truly walking away from this job, and that may mean walking away from, too. This is when you realize just how big that loss is gonna be.
Jungkook made you braver. He made you feel understood and less alone. He showed you that beautiful things do exist, that you can capture them so you could hold onto the good memories, and doing that is one way to move on from the things that hurt.
Without realizing it, he’d become the person you were willing to crawl out of your walls for. But just like him, maybe your timing wasn’t right either. No matter how strong the feelings are, something just happens to be more important than being with him - feeling free is one, knowing that you’re able to do this for yourself is another. There’s wanting sincerity, too, on his end and on yours.
You know you need time to sort yourself out, to know what you want outside of all this, but the way he goes on about his business is affecting you more than you expected. He’s essentially giving you two weeks to stay in the office. He’s having Lucas fly in immediately. The implications are breaking you even more - perhaps you’ll be kept out of the projects; maybe you’ll no longer do your morning routines with him.
Perhaps he’s still overwhelmed about everything he knows. And perhaps he’s realizing he doesn’t want that complication in his life anymore. Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with you and the mess you created, given all the stress and pressure he’s under.
Maybe you were that easy to let go, too.
The thought feels like a slap on the face.
But you’re the foolish one who wanted to leave but who also hoped he’d go after you. He didn’t do it last Friday. He’s not going to do that now. You doubt that after your last day, he would do it either.
The tears dance around your eyelids. Everything becomes blurry, and after the first one falls, you stand from your desk and head to the washroom. You give yourself just 10 minutes to silently cry. You hadn’t prepared for this enough, and now the thought of saying goodbye to the team and leaving Jungkook during a big project launch weighs heavily on you.
You calm yourself down, thinking that if you’d chosen to delay it, everything else would be harder - seeing him, being close to him, knowing you both feel the same way but not knowing if that’s enough. Or if it’s real.
You get to be selfish this time and leave for your own reasons. You get to choose which heartbreak you’ll face and for how long you’ll feel it. You get to decide which burdens you’ll carry and what you’re walking away from.
The team will understand. You’ll give your all for the next few weeks you’ll be around and make sure that Lucas guides them well. Hoseok will be supportive. You know that he’ll always encourage you to go where you’re happiest. You just hope he won’t carry any guilt for being one of the reasons why you stayed now that he knows the truth. CEO Jeon might still ask you to wait, or he might just not want to see you again if he knows what really happened with his son, and that’s something you’ll have to learn to deal with as well. You don’t want to think you’re burning bridges with this decision, but you also know that those who truly care would want this for you, too.
But despite all that, the guilt and the sadness don’t go away. You’d once thought you could be happy with Jungkook. He’d given you a peek into a life where you could be, and he’d given you a taste of what it’s like to feel that all-consuming desire for someone. You don’t know if you’ll have that or feel that again for another person, but you at least now know what you’re searching for.
Maybe you’ll get over yourself and find the words to tell him what you feel or hope for both of you. Maybe you’ll find your way back to each other someday. You might also have to face the possibility that this decision is what pulls you apart for good, and the thought breaks your heart again.
You take a deep breath and close your eyes. You think of the comfort of your morning routines and the shared silence. You think about the warmth you felt from all the food he’d sent when you were sick and injured. You think about that night you felt brave because he’d been with you when you were scared. You think about the tranquility of being in his presence as you gazed at the mountains and felt free being outdoors. You think about feeling understood during the times when you’d been honest and so had he.
These are the good memories he gave you, the ones you’ll hold onto as you go through all this. You wonder if he keeps them in a nook in his heart the way you do, and if he’ll hold onto them as well as you walk away from him and from what you could’ve been.
The thoughts are enough to suspend your sadness for a while. You fix yourself up and while it wasn’t a big cry, your slightly swollen eyes could still give you away. You decide it’s not much of a problem. Until, of course, when you make it back to your desk, about to sit down to resume your tasks, and Jungkook opens his door and locks eyes with you.
There’s a moment where you hold each other’s gazes, and you see his face fall a little, softening briefly before he looks away, the seriousness coming back again. He attempts to say something but he stops, looking down at the papers he’s holding instead and asks you to photocopy them for distribution to the team.
You nod in confirmation, and as you’re about to walk out, Hoseok shows up.
“Are you free?” He asks Jungkook. “I need to run some things with you.”
“Sure,” Jungkook replies, glancing at you before walking back to his room.
Hoseok finally turns to you and sees your glassy eyes. His face falls, unsure how to comfort you during this time. He was never sure how to do that before, and he feels heavier thinking that so many times when you still worked for him, you probably wanted to quit but couldn’t. And that maybe his claims of needing you around to help him helped keep you here, in a place that wasn’t giving you that joy and satisfaction that you deserve.
“___,” he calls out. “I got the notice. How are you feeling?”
“Well, I see that word travels fast,” you giggle, an attempt to avoid a somber conversation. You also don’t know how to explain whatever it is you’re feeling so it’s not something you’re keen on addressing.
“HR was actually the one that informed me and uncle,” he explains. “Losing you is a big deal so they thought to let us know right away. And I only mean that because you’re an integral part of this company. And you… you matter to my family. You matter to me, and I know you matter to him.”
Hoseok gestures towards Jungkook’s direction, prompting you to look away. The man in front of you sighs and apologizes, adding that you’ve come to mean so much to the people he cares for, including his wife.
“You welcomed me to your family, Hoseok,” you respond. “You and A-yeong treated me like one and I always will be. But none of the sadness yet. I’ll still be here for the next month.”
“I’ll take my time in saying goodbye then,” he says, his genuine smile serving as the comfort you badly need. “And I hope it’s not for good.”
“Not to you,” you assure him. “I’m not that easy to get rid of.”
“Good,” he says, his eyes softening in understanding and acceptance. “I’ll just meet with Jungkook. I’ll catch up with you soon, okay?”
“Okay,” you say. “And uh, thank you.”
Your smile holds in it a lot of emotions for the man who’s become your friend all these years. And you know that whatever happens with Jungkook, Hoseok will always be a person you’ll treasure.
You walk out while he enters the room and closes the door.
Jungkook’s eyebrows are scrunched as he gives instructions over the phone while also typing on his desktop. Hoseok can sense the stress and tension all over his cousin, and he hopes that especially with this, the younger man finds it in him to talk about what he’s feeling. There’s fear that he’ll keep it all to himself again, and in doing so, he might just push you away even more.
“Hey, how are you holding up?” Hoseok asks after the call ends.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Jungkook huffs.
There’s a beat of silence before Hoseok speaks again. “So, you already have a replacement for ___, huh?” He says, having just heard Jungkook’s conversation about Lucas’ work visa requirements over the phone. “Isn’t that too fast?”
“The Arts Center launch is in a couple of weeks. I can’t have delays,” Jungkook explains. “Sending Lucas here will require less time than looking for a new assistant. He’s familiar with the project and he’s used to working for me so he can take over with the preparations. I’ve received father’s approval for his transfer.”
“What about ___, then?”
“What about her?” Jungkook asks bitterly. “She’s resigned. I’ll have her focus on turning everything over and documenting key projects and practices. She has vacation leaves to use up for the last month she’s here.”
“Just like that?” Hoseok questions. “She resigns today and then you’ve gotten everything sorted out for her departure, just like that? As if you can’t wait for her to leave?”
“She wanted this,” Jungkook counters. “You heard what Mr. Ri said. She’s been wanting to do this for years, and I’m just making sure she’s not bothered by what she’s leaving behind. Having Lucas here will assure her that the team will continue to function and that she’s not delaying anything by deciding to leave. She doesn’t have to worry about anything.”
And it’s the truth. Hearing what you went through and that you’d thought of resigning several times before makes Jungkook think that you haven’t been happy here for a long while. He’s unsure if you’d always planned on leaving before the Arts Center launch, or if what happened last Friday prompted you to do this now. But still, it seemed so easy for you to make the decision, as if you can’t wait to leave him, as if being around him hurts you that much, as if you know that whatever it is you’re looking for isn’t here.
Jungkook spent all of last weekend replaying that night in his mind - from the way you pulled him close to you and to the way his heart broke when you pulled away. He doesn’t know what you want from him. You kissed him as if you wanted him. He felt your desire as your hands danced around his chest, as you moaned against his lips, as you thrusted against him like you wanted more, and he would’ve given it all to you, he would’ve given you everything, but the words he’d never told anyone slipped from his mouth and somehow, that’s what made you create that distance.
Perhaps it’s what made you not want to stay.
But he wouldn’t have known because he didn’t ask. At the thought of you no longer being by his side, he faltered. At the thought of losing the routine you’ve both created and the comfort you’ve been giving him everyday, he caved in. He lost all sense and just wanted to keep you. He’d disregarded every rule, crossed every boundary he created, and thought of nothing else but to be with you. He made the mistake of not thinking about you, the person he wants.
He naively believed that your expression of desire meant that nothing else mattered - you’d be with him regardless. But he realized that maybe he doesn’t know you at all. He would’ve risked everything but maybe you wouldn’t. You make him happy and that’s all he cares about but maybe he’s not enough for you. He’d do anything to be with you everyday but maybe that’s not what you want.
The thought that that moment made you realize that maybe, he’s not what you wanted after all creates another crack in his heart. That cold, stubborn heart of his hasn’t felt much in years but it betrayed him this time. It called out for you and he’s afraid to find out that it still will, after everything.
“Have you spoken to her?” Hoseok pulls him out of his thoughts.
“Yeah,” Jungkook replies. “I gave her my recommendation letter, told her about Lucas replacing her, and that she still has leaves to take.”
“I meant about both of you,” Hoseok clarifies. “About what you both feel, about what that means and what happens after that.”
“What is there to talk about?” Jungkook groans. “She left me that night. I come here today with a resignation letter on my desk. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you,” Hoseok says.
“It doesn’t mean she does,” Jungkook counters. “Clearly, her happiness outside of this company is her priority. And it should be. She doesn’t have a reason to stay here anymore.”
“And what if that happiness could include you? Did you even think about that?”
“Then she could’ve said that if she wanted to. It was her decision, it was her call.”
“You think it’s that easy to say that? Then why don’t you go ahead and tell her what you feel and want?”
“I did!” Jungkook almost yells now, thankful for the thick walls of this room. “And she pulled away! She said she couldn’t do this, that she couldn’t do this with me. That tells me everything I need to know, Hoseok. Whatever she feels for me isn’t that strong. I was stupid to believe an overheard conversation. I heard that she liked me and I thought, all I had to do was tell her that I felt the same way. But it wasn’t enough. I asked her to stay and she said she couldn’t. I don’t matter to her. Not in the way that she matters to me.”
“Why did she cry, then?” Hoseok asks. “Did you notice that?”
Of course Jungkook did. He’s seen you cry a few times, a sight he never wants to see again, and seeing your puffy eyes earlier made him want to just forget everything and hug you so he could help make the hurt go away. It’s something he’s wanted to do before and there’s a reason why he never did. Today, he knew that doing so would make it harder for him. So all he could do was look away.
“She wouldn’t be that upset if all this didn’t matter to her. If you didn’t matter that much to her,” Hoseok adds.
“This job mattered to her, too. You and I know how she works. Maybe there’s guilt or worry that she’s leaving at this critical time, which is why I’m trying to make the transition easy,” Jungkook reasons. “She’s leaving a lot of things and people behind and that could be hard for anyone. She’s crucial to the team but I don’t want there to be anything else that would hold her back. Not anymore.”
“But all these arrangements… it’s as if it’s so easy to replace her,” Hoseok sighs. “Are you even giving yourself time to just process all of this?”
“And then what? Give myself time to realize again that I can’t do this without her? I already know that I can’t, I can’t replace her, not in any way but I…” Jungkook heaves. “I can’t give in to those feelings and end up asking her to reconsider her decision. She has a life to live outside of this but this is mine. I have a project to launch, a name to uphold…”
A broken heart to live with, he doesn’t say.
“I don’t know what else to do but this,” he adds, his head bowing down as he pinches the corners of his eyes. He’s just trying to deal with losing you in more than one way, and trying to maintain whatever professionalism he has left after everything.
Hoseok sighs as he watches his cousin stop himself from falling apart. It’s true that everything feels so sudden. Perhaps for you, the best decision you could make after what happened last Friday is to leave and he wouldn’t fault you for that, especially after what you gave up to be here. And maybe Jungkook is just trying to deal with that pain of losing you as his assistant and the possibility of more in the way that he knows how - distance, detachment. It’s how the younger man has always chosen to deal with things he can’t control, and as someone who’s seen him try to move on from his own past, it’s hard for Hoseok to stand by and watch Jungkook hurt this way when he knows that you care about him, too.
It wasn’t always obvious, but at one point, Hoseok started to notice things; he just never questioned them. You were always competent. When you were his assistant, you paid attention to every detail and made sure that he was always at his best. But this past year, Hoseok had seen you pay attention to Jungkook in a more meaningful way. He’d seen you care for the younger man, showed him kindness that no one’s bothered to do before. And that’s done so much for him as he learned to open himself up, to allow himself to feel a different kind of vulnerability, to feel like he could be himself again, and that he’ll be accepted for all the scared and flawed parts of him.
All Hoseok can do is at least help his cousin be honest about what he feels and help him not lose you completely. But much as he wants to figure this out with Jungkook, life continues, and right now, there are some executive decisions both men have to make. So he redirects the conversation, and it’s half an hour later when they come up with a policy statement that they send to CEO Jeon as instructed.
That’s at least one other important thing that Jungkook can tick off his list. He’s determined to just focus on all work matters for today, hoping that would keep his mind off of you.
But that’s impossible when you still have a role to play in his life, as you enter his room after Hoseok exits, avoiding the older man’s worried gaze. You glance at Jungkook just once, placing a folder of documents on his desk for his signature.
He’s past the second of a dozen pages when he speaks, his eyes glued to the papers, not wanting to look at your face.
“I intend on telling the team about your resignation during tomorrow’s meeting,” he says. “I’ll release the company-wide announcement on Wednesday, followed by an email to other partners and contacts. The Arts Center launch is happening in a few weeks and we can’t have delays, so I’ll be endorsing Lucas soon after.”
“I understand, Mr. Jeon,” you say, trying to stabilize your voice. “If you need me to draft anything—”
“There’s no need, I will do that.”
“That’s noted, sir.”
You remain standing in front of him, watching him go through each page and feeling like you could burst any moment. Somehow he seems like that man you met almost a year ago - focused yet detached, close but so far away.
“You’re also no longer required to come to my apartment every morning,” he continues. “I’ll only need you to come on Thursday so you could give Lucas your access and brief him about the building and where things are. Mr. Ri could still drive you to work until your last day.”
“That service was extended to me for the purpose of assisting you every morning, Mr. Jeon,” you say, your voice sounding firm this time. “That is no longer necessary.”
You see him stop his movements for a second before he resumes and nods in acknowledgment of your statement.
As you watch him sign the last few pages, you allow yourself a brief moment to wish that you’d just left much sooner, during a time when he wasn’t around so you didn’t have to feel this agonizing pain of him slowly slipping away. Everytime you remind yourself that you made this decision, you’re pulled back by the thought that leaving didn’t have to mean that you’d lose him completely.
But with the way he acts now, with how he’s distancing himself from you and everything you shared, you’re starting to think that maybe he’s decided on this, too - that this is goodbye and that there’s nothing for both of you after this. It’s a hard pill to swallow but one you suppose you should - this was your call and you didn’t give him a choice in the matter. Perhaps this is his way of dealing with your departure as well. That’s something you can’t fault him for doing.
That leaves you with no choice but to deal with the pain, too. You don’t know exactly how. You’ve never really gone through this before. All your breakups didn’t hurt like this, probably because you knew from the beginning that they would end anyway, that you wouldn’t care more than you planned.
But Jungkook is different. You didn’t expect him to be the one you’d care for, that you’d yearn for, that you’d want with all of you. But you watch on as he slips right through your fingers, and whatever hope you had of finding your way back to him in the future withers away. This is how you lose him, and you’ll try hard to keep only the good memories with you.
He finishes signing the papers then he hands them over to you, his eyes only briefly meeting yours. He turns towards his desktop but he speaks again.
“HR requires me to have an exit interview with you,” he says. “But due to our personal circumstances, I don’t think that’s appropriate. I’ve asked Hoseok to conduct it instead. You may just schedule it with him within the next week. You’ll also be provided with a list of all the things you need to submit for your clearance. Just let me know what you need from me and I’ll work on it right away.”
It takes a while for you to respond, as you notice him slowly look your way.
“Understood, sir,” you manage to say, so softly like a breath, even you could barely hear yourself.
But the words come out, almost emotionless now as you just take in all his instructions. You gave him your letter only a few hours ago and now he’s got everything organized for your departure, almost as if he wants the complication, that is you, dealt with immediately.
You’ve disrupted his routine and messed up a lot of his plans. He’s always said he hates change, and you’ve caused one of the biggest ones he’s ever had to deal with. You don’t blame him for not wanting to do anything with you anymore.
You nod and head out, knowing that you’re slowly losing your place in his life, even as his assistant. He doesn’t call for you the rest of the day, even for coffee. You’re tempted to knock on his door and ask if there’s anything else he needs for you to do before you clock out, but you decide against it, slowly feeling like you’re no longer welcome.
You mindlessly walk out the building and down the street, feeling the weight of everything drag you down. You’d thought that finally doing this would make you feel liberated, like you’d be relieved of your burdens and even of a secret that you no longer have to keep. But as the minutes pass by, everything is just getting heavier and heavier. Your heart doesn’t loosen up, either.
And as you stare at the barely eaten sujebi from your favorite noodle house and the piece of choco pie that you bought from the convenience store that you now have no appetite to eat, you feel yourself falling apart. You don’t know what you were expecting but it wasn’t this. You hated doubting Jungkook’s sincerity about what he felt but now you’re faced with his seeming apathy. It makes you wonder once more if he really felt anything for you, or if he just mistook his practical need for you as something more.
Maybe you’ll never know. At this point, he’s just your boss who’s running a company and preparing to launch the biggest project of his life. All you can do is respect that and support him the best way you know how. If it’s distance he wants, then it’s what you’ll give. You suppose it’s the most you could do for him after making the decision to walk away.
Sitting in the meeting room the next day with the management support team chatting around you is a little unnerving. You try to engage with them and put on a smile that doesn’t feel real. The nervousness and guilt slowly creep in, especially when Jungkook arrives and orders for the meeting to begin.
“Before we start, I’d just like to make an important announcement,” he says, quieting everyone down as he sounds serious. “Ms. Cho has tendered her resignation and will be leaving the company in a month. I wanted to tell the team immediately so we could all work on the necessary adjustments. Lucas, my assistant during my time in Singapore, will be replacing her. I made this decision with the approval of the CEO to ensure a smooth transition. His first day will be on Thursday.”
In the silence, you look up, afraid of how the team is taking it. Manager Lee and Chin-sun have a mix of sadness and acceptance on their faces. Yohan has his head bowed down. And Do-hyun sits there, silently crying.
“Do you… do you not like us anymore?” She mumbles through her sniffles.
“Of course I do,” you say, your eyes softening. “It’s not about that.”
“Then what is it?” She asks. “Why… why are you leaving us? Why are you leaving Mr. Jeon?”
“I…” you start, looking at him for approval, and he nods as if to say that you’re free to say whatever you want to say. “I’ve been here for a while. This job is all I know and the years just flew right by. I feel like a new environment and a change of pace would do me good.”
Chin-sun turns to you, her look of understanding giving you the comfort that you need. She told you once that you deserve to live a life outside of work, that you need to find yourself and what makes you happy, and that she knows what that could mean. You’ve always looked up to her and how she’s handled everything in her life with such grace, and seeing her give you that nod of encouragement tells you that she gets it, and that despite the doubt that’s slowly crept in, she’s that hand on your shoulder, saying that you’re doing the right thing.
“Do you have to go this soon?” Do-hyun asks, her voice so unusually soft that it makes you feel like crying, too.
“I had initially planned on resigning after the Arts Center launch,” you say, the words hitting Jungkook as you see the way he clenches his jaw. “But the company I’ll be moving to requested for my start to be in two months. It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up on, so I decided to leave early.”
It’s not a complete lie. You had emailed Namjoon last night and inquired if the production officer position is still open. He responded right away to say that it is, and that he’s been hoping for you to officially apply, so you did. He insisted that based on your resume and your mindset and approach to work that he’s picked up from your conversations, the role is meant to be yours. He scheduled an interview in the next two weeks during your forced leave - for formalities’ sake, he told you - and you can start next quarter.
“I’m just… I’m just really sorry that I’m leaving in the midst of all the preparations,” you add, your nails sinking in your skin once more as you try to deal with guilt. “Things just happened so fast and I had to make decisions right away.”
“We’re gonna be okay,” Chin-sun assures you now. “You and Mr. Jeon trained us well. You, especially. We’ve been working together for over four years and I may have been in this longer but I’ve learned so much from you, ___. This breaks my heart more than you know but I’m proud of you, and I’m happy for you. I can at least say on behalf of the team that we don’t want this decision to burden you. You’ve held the fort for everyone for so long, you deserve to pursue whatever makes you happy.”
“Thank you,” you whisper, feeling the words getting caught in your throat as you try to keep yourself from breaking down.
Chin-sun isn’t always this sentimental, so you know it means just as much to her that she’s able to say these things to you.
“I agree with her,” Manager Lee says. “It’s gonna be different and definitely hard but the team will manage. You’ve given this company so much, and I know that wherever you’ll go, they’ll be so lucky to have you. Just… just don’t forget about us, okay?”
“Never,” you assure the team this time.
“Remember when I was being stubborn and didn’t want to go to the hospital when I was sick?” Yohan speaks up, looking at you now with glassy eyes. “You took half the day off so you could drag me there and then visited me everyday after work when I was confined for a week. The doctor said things would’ve been worse if I’d gone there even just a day late.”
You remember that incident clearly. It was the month before Jungkook arrived. The entire team was busy preparing everything but you noticed that Yohan looked unwell, and you insisted on taking him to the hospital so he could get checked and you’re glad you did. You can’t imagine how things would’ve turned out if you hadn’t.
“I was trying hard to keep it in because I didn’t want to be a burden,” he continues. “But you noticed, you always do. And I’ll always be thankful. Chin-sun may be my wise auntie but you’re my ever dependable older sister and I’ll miss you so much. No one can calm me down the way you do, and no one will tell me and Do-hyun off when we’re being whiney or ungrateful. I just hope that whatever you do brings you all the peace and happiness you deserve.”
At his words, Do-hyun sobs. Covering her face, she mumbles onto her palms, muffling her words that you can’t understand. She briefly looks up at you, pouting as she catches her breath, and then she cries again. Even when she’s being emotional, her child-like way of showing it is every bit endearing.
You remember the first time you met her, a brilliant fresh graduate with so much passion and energy. She was a little too bubbly for you at the beginning. She was always curious and lacked filter most of the time. But you got to know her genuine heart, one that often sought you, that wanted to get your approval, that hoped you’d return the affection she always gave you. She was like that bratty little sister that you enjoyed looking after, and seeing her be affected this way is affecting you more than you expected. You can’t make out what she’s saying, but you’re pretty sure that they’d make you cry either way.
And that’s what you’re trying hard not to do, as you bite your lips to stop them from shaking, hoping you won’t break down in front of them, especially in front of Jungkook.
Chin-sun comforts Do-hyun who’s calming down a bit now. Manager Lee and Yohan wipe their eyes. It’s a little too quiet, and you know they’re waiting for you to say something, too. Wanting to return their honesty, you start, trying to find the words that would capture everything you feel.
“You all know how much of myself I give to this job,” you start, your lips trembling as you try to get it together. “And from the beginning, I thought I would just come to work, do what I have to do, go home, and do it all over again. It’s the corporate world and we’re just trying to survive. You were all supposed to be just colleagues, people I had to just tolerate but that’s clearly not what happened. Without meaning to, you’ve all become such a big part of my life, more than I can ever express.”
You glance at Jungkook, hoping that he knows it includes him, but you see him clench his jaw and look away, and at this point, you don’t expect him to believe anything else you say, no matter how much you mean them.
“I know I’ve never been good at accepting and especially returning your affection,” you continue. “I’ve missed out on a lot of post-work dinners and weekend get-togethers. I’ve just, uh, I’ve just never been good at mixing work with my personal life. But even then, you never took it against me. You keep up with all versions of me, you encourage me when things get hard, and you never fail to let me know that I’m doing a good job. And that’s done so much for me more than you know.”
You take in deep breaths as you feel your tears dance around your eyes, and you blink to let them fall then quickly wipe them away.
“We’ve gone through so much together and I’ll always treasure all those moments and everything we shared,” you manage to say. “Leaving doesn’t change anything. At least, I hope it doesn’t.”
“Not to us,” Chin-sun assures you. “You’ll always be a part of this team.”
You mirror her smile, hoping your gratitude gets across.
The clearing of throat catches everyone’s attention, and you turn to Jungkook, remembering that you’re all gathered today for a meeting, and not some sentimental goodbye that’s turned into a cry-fest. You doubt he’d want to be around for this, so you apologize and say that he can continue on with the agenda.
“It slipped my mind that I have a call with one of the artists that Mr. Saito introduced me to,” Jungkook answers, looking at his phone then turning back to the team. “It’s in 10 minutes. We can resume tomorrow morning. It’s close to lunch anyway so you can all have your break.”
The whole team nods in acknowledgement. Except for you. He doesn’t have any scheduled calls today, as he was adamant on having this meeting done as soon as possible. He would have remembered if that call was that important and if it wasn’t, you know he wouldn’t have rescheduled this because making all the arrangements for your departure seems to be his top priority.
You suspend the thought, knowing that dwelling on how much he’s distancing himself from you will take away from the moment you shared with your team. Right now, they’re who matter. Jungkook had always insisted he wasn’t part of it, and you always disagreed. But with him stepping away, maybe he’s right.
He steps out, and with him no longer in the room, Do-hyun takes the opportunity to hug you. It’s not something you always return but today, it’s everything you need, as her warmth gives you the comfort you’ve been badly craving since last Friday. All you had was your pillow and that didn’t really do much. With Do-hyun wrapping you in her arms, you’re able to breathe, and she holds you tightly as you silently cry, as if she knows just how much it means to you to have a shoulder to cry on this time.
“Yah! Don’t cry,” she says in that mocking tone to tease you when you pull away.
Everyone laughs and you shake your head in embarrassment. “I didn’t expect to cry this much.”
“Chin-sun started it,” Yohan says, earning him a nudge and a playful glare.
“I just knew it mattered that you knew that it was okay,” she says, prompting you to look at her. “We may be crying and going on about missing you and things not being the same but… what you leave behind doesn’t make your decision any less valid, or even wrong. Only you would know what doing this could do for you, and there’s absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”
You mumble your thanks again, feeling a bit of weight off your shoulders with the assurance that the team will be alright without you.
Outside, Jungkook looks on as everyone gathers around you, hugging you and wiping your tears, something he held himself back from doing.
There’s no call to be had. He’d intended for today’s meeting to be about discussing the plans moving forward, the added responsibilities that each member would have as Lucas adjusts, and how they could help in his transition. Jungkook didn’t expect for it to turn out the way it did, with each person expressing their gratitude to you, comforting you, and sharing stories that show just how much you matter to them.
This is who you are - someone loved by the people around her, despite the distance she keeps. There’s just always been this warmth about you that’s reflected in your ability to notice things, in your stubbornness, and in the way that you make every person feel cared for. It’s something he always admired about you. It’s also what he likes the most about you, and for all that you are, all that warmth and comfort that you deserve aren’t things he can give. Not when he’s trying to keep his own distance, not when he’s trying to keep himself together, and not when he’s trying not to hold you back any more than he already did.
In a way, he’s glad that the team was able to express themselves to you. He likes to think that their words at least relieved you of whatever guilt you were feeling about leaving, something he’s also unable to do. They were able to assure you that they understand and only wish for your happiness. On his end, he’s ensuring that you don’t have to worry about all the work you’ll leave behind. It’s his way of telling you that it’s okay.
Jungkook steps away when he hears you start to pack up. He walks back to his room and hears the team’s plans of grabbing lunch at the dining hall then eating it at the floor’s outdoor space. Do-hyun tells you to ask him to join everyone, and Jungkook hates that he’d have to turn the invitation down. He does so by pretending to still be on a call when you peek into his room, and at this point, he’s unable to read your face.
He can’t think that you were hoping he’d join you, as he can’t feed the illusion that you still want him after everything. He’ll just believe that it was relief he saw in your eyes and that just like him, you’re creating distance because that makes it easier for both of you.
But the truth is, it doesn’t, as an hour goes by and he spends it zoning out in the midst of sending emails and coordinating with Lucas about his move. Jungkook catches sight of you from his window, seated with your chair turned around, facing the shelves. He’d seen you do that a few times - in the midst of a busy day, or that very first time after he’d gotten mad at you. He wonders what it’s about now.
Maybe it’s your decision still weighing heavy on you, or that you still have so much to do for turnover. Whatever it is, Jungkook fights the urge to go out there and ask you, to tell you that you could take a break if it’ll help. Or to hug you if that’s what you need.
At this moment, he lets himself wish that the world would just suspend for a while and he could do all that without any consequences. He wishes you’re both in some alternative universe where you’re still you and he’s still him but without the baggage, without the secrets, without the intertwined past. He wishes he could just be with you without any of the burden nor the doubts, and you could just go on and be honest with what you both want, and feel what you feel with no reservations, and that all that would be enough.
There’s so much he wants to do for you but he can’t let himself be weak this time. You made your decision and he won’t hold you back. What he’ll do is try to make things easy for you, although the sullenness in your eyes - that he briefly sees when you turn around to face your desk - tells him that it doesn’t seem like it’s working.
But detachment is all he knows when it comes to things he can’t control. He can’t control you with the decision you made. He can't control how he’s taking it. And even after all that, he still can’t control the way he feels or the way his heart breaks seeing you like this.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
You look up from your desktop to a pair of questioning eyes, and you fumble for your tea and ask why he’s asking.
“Just curious,” Yoongi shrugs. “Jungkook’s been cross-copying Lucas in some of our emails and I don’t recall that ever happening before.”
You glance at your screen, seeing the messages that have the said man now looped in, all just today.
“Uh, yeah. Jungkook’s including him in the communications already,” you answer. “I… I tendered my resignation yesterday, Yoongi. I leave in a month.”
You knew that Yoongi would always be supportive. So many times before, he’d asked you how you imagined your life to be and what you were going to do once you thought your time in the company was over. He’d talked about his own plans, too, like opening up his own architectural firm in Daegu because that was always going to be his home. You knew that when the time came, he’d be proud of you because it would be your decision, and the look on his face right now tells you that he is.
“You finally did it,” he smiles. “How does it feel?”
“A lot of things,” you sigh, not wanting to give too much away. Not here at least. “There’s just a lot to think about. Maybe when I take one of my remaining leaves, it’ll finally sink in.”
“And how’s Jungkook taking it?”
You’re about to answer, trying to formulate in your head how you can explain how Jungkook has been. But it’s that moment when said man opens his door with papers in hand, his eyes flitting from Yoongi to you. You ask him if there’s anything he needs but he shakes his head and says he can handle it before closing the door. You stare at it for a while, hoping he’d come back out and say that he does need you to do something, but he doesn’t.
“I guess not well,” Yoongi points out, prompting you to return your gaze to him.
“He is, actually,” you counter. “He accepted my resignation with no questions asked, gave me a recommendation letter, organized everything for my replacement, told me to take my remaining leaves… he hasn’t given me more workload than I expected. He just wants me to focus on turning things over.”
“And that’s ‘taking it well’ for you?” Yoongi cocks an eyebrow.
“Well, he hates change. The last time that happened and he got shipped to Seoul but couldn’t bring his old assistant with him, he acted out. We both know how that went,” you say. “And now I’m causing another big change. We had a routine going. The Arts Center opens in less than two months. And then I decided to leave. He could be letting out his anger and frustration on me but he isn’t.”
“Hmm,” Yoongi hums.
After knowing you for 10 years, he’s come to realize that you have your ways of coping with things. So does Jungkook.
“I think I know what he’s doing,” he continues, earning him a questioning look from you. “He’s distancing himself. How else does he deal with anything that hurts or terrifies him? He’s losing you, ___. Even just from a professional standpoint, that’s a lot for him. On a personal level, even more.”
You look away, not wanting to think about the implications of Yoongi’s last statement. He picks it up, knowing that it’s probably hard for you to talk about right now.
“You may not agree, but you’re important to him,” he adds. “If you think this is easy for him, I’m telling you now that it isn’t. You know him. He’s… he’s not good at expressing how he feels. He just shuts everyone out. It’s his default. Even if the person he’s pushing away is probably the one he needs the most.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” you sigh.
You relate with Yoongi’s statement though. You pushed Jungkook away when all you wanted was to have him close. You decided to leave the company even though you hoped you could be with him. You may mean a lot to each other but it also doesn’t mean it’s enough.
“Is it really?” He questions.
When you really think about it, it shouldn’t. Jungkook likes you. You like him. For two people who are used to being on their own, finding comfort and strength in each other and then wanting that to last is simple. But how you both got here isn’t. You kept a secret from him that may have tainted his trust in you. He pursued you in a way that made you doubt his sincerity. You’re unsure how both of you could navigate all that, especially given the way you are.
Your silence prompts Yoongi to say that you don’t have to tell him anything, but that he’s there should you need anyone to talk to. He leaves, and suddenly, the silence is too loud.
The rest of the afternoon feels too long, with time ticking by so slowly. You always liked how your desk was separated from everyone else, as it gives you the peace and quiet you need to focus on your tasks. You’re also accessible to the VP, which makes everything easier and more efficient. But now, you hate it. There’s no sound but your thoughts ringing at you that you hear. And there’s no Jungkook calling for you to give you things to do.
Not speaking to him nor seeing him makes your day incomplete. You used to enjoy your shared moments, like when you’d enter his room with his cup of coffee and you’d remind him to take a break. All those times when you’d make him sign documents, with him groaning at something he’s frustrated about and then telling you what you can do after you ask if you can help him with something. Those instances where he’d look through portfolios on your shelf and do small talk with you, and those times you thought he just needed a break or a friendly smile or a hum of encouragement.
It’s only been the second day but there’s none of those now, and you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself. You let yourself be selfish for once by resigning. But you feel even more selfish by wishing he didn’t act so unaffected, that he’d still ask for you after what you’re putting him through.
You clock out at 6, initially considering letting Jungkook know but then deciding against it, knowing that his nonchalance will just cause a crack in your heart. The rest of your evening feels lonely even with your variety TV show on, so does your commute to work the next morning that you now have to get used to. It didn’t feel right to still have Mr. Ri drive for you, even though he messaged and insisted that he still could.
It’s Wednesday, and there’s something about the middle of the week that makes you feel uneasy - the week is halfway done; it feels like it flew by but it also can’t end fast enough. There are documents on your desk for review and some emails that you need to get to, but Mrs. Myung calling to say that CEO Jeon wants to see you is what does your head in. You suppose he’d want to speak with you at one point; you just weren’t prepared for it to be today.
The CEO’s office is like a personal museum, with photos and blueprints framed on the walls and miniature replicas of some of the company’s earliest infrastructure being displayed in the large room. The view of the city is stunning from all angles, and you can only imagine how much creativity it inspires. You’re still unsure how he thinks about you, but you bow shyly once he greets you and you take your seat when he asks you to.
“Jungkook said he’ll be announcing your resignation today,” the man says. “It seems that he has everything organized already and ready for your departure.”
“He has, Mr. Jeon,” you confirm. “I feel quite bad that I’m not helping him with the arrangements. He, uh, he seems to have wanted to handle all of it all on his own.”
“Well, he’s pressed for time. He had to make quick decisions with the Arts Center opening in a few weeks.”
“I… I apologize for leaving at such a critical time,” you say, bowing your head in shame once more. “I—”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” he shakes his head. “You made a decision that was best for you. I guess I was just in denial that you’d do it so soon, or at least before the Center is revealed. You’ve worked hard on that, too. I’m sure it’s difficult for you to let that go as well.”
You look up and see the gentleness in his eyes, the same ones that looked at you the first time you met him - in this room, over 20 years ago. He was a stranger to you, but he was kind. There wasn’t much you remember from that day nor that period, but you’ll always remember the soft way he greeted you and introduced himself.
You look back at the years after that. He didn’t reach out much but you still felt him looking out for you and your mom. When you entered the company as an intern, he had that look of recognition, and then of pride.
Working here all these years, you’ve seen him be the critical, perfectionist, and passionate man that he is. People stopped what they were doing when he entered the room, they listened when he spoke, he commanded fear and respect, but you’ve seen his moments of tenderness and empathy, too. This is a man who commits himself to everything he does, something his son took after him. It’s probably why with his years of experience, he knows that for you, walking away from the project you poured your soul into is just as hard.
“It’s a sad parting, I would say. But I know it will turn out just as beautiful as your son had hoped. He really put his everything into that and I’m glad I got to see it almost completed,” you say, having visited the site not long ago. “Though I’ll no longer be here when the rest of the world sees it, I know it’ll give him that satisfaction and pride that he managed to bring to life all that he envisioned.”
“I don’t know about satisfaction and pride if you’re not around,” Mr. Jeon hums. “You’re leaving a big hole in his life, ___. And I don’t mean that just professionally.”
You turn away, unsure if you’re ready to address your feelings for Jungkook in front of his father.
“Looking back now, I was being selfish to you all these years,” he continues. “You had a hard time when you first started and that all happened under my watch. I encouraged you to apply for that EA position because I knew that Hoseok would choose you by your own merit, and he would treat you well. He would train and mentor you and I selfishly hoped that my family would be redeemed in your eyes. And Jungkook… he… he reminded me of myself when I was younger. And you had the spirit of your mother,” he adds, his eyes softening at the mention of her. “You had her heart and I hoped… I hoped that whatever gentleness you’d show my son would allow him to heal a little. It was unfair of me to give you that responsibility, especially given how he treated you at the beginning. I’m so sorry, ___. I feel like I was holding you back and I never intended that.”
“Please don’t apologize, Mr. Jeon,” you insist, your eyes blurring a little with his honesty. “I still made the decision to stay every time. Even when it was hard. I… I wanted to show my gratitude to your family for what you’ve done for us. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay you back.”
“None of that,” he shakes his head. “It wasn’t just about absolving myself of the guilt for what your mom had to go through because of me, which was bad enough in the first place. But I… I knew it was the only way I could thank her, that I could apologize. If there was a way I could help both of you rebuild your lives, I would.”
“And you did,” you assure him. “We were safe. We made good memories in Busan. We now have a good home back in Daegu. I got to study and build myself and experience all these things. And I… I got to meet your son. And I got to see his heart. And I’ll always keep that with me, regardless of how things turned out.”
“Does this mean that you and him aren’t… uh—”
“It was unprofessional to cross the line, Mr. Jeon,” you bow your head. “I’m so sorry that happened.”
“I’m not angry. I guess I should’ve expected it. I’d accept my wife calling me a matchmaker if only it was true,” he laughs dryly. “Jungkook cares about you. And I know that you care about him. You’ve resigned now. You’re… you’re free.”
“I didn’t decide to leave so I could be with him, sir. I mean, that wasn’t the primary intention,” you try to explain. “I… I always knew I would, but doing this soon is because I’m unsure how to continue with my role given what happened. I hope I’ve clarified that.”
“Is this it, then? Is this goodbye for you and him?”
“I… I still hope I’ll see him one day, perhaps when we’ve forgiven each other, when we’ve come to understand the decisions that we made, and once we’ve come to terms with them,” you say. “I’m unsure when that would be. But I hope I’ll have the chance to congratulate him and to tell him I’m happy for him.”
“Goodbyes aren’t always for good,” Mr. Jeon says. “I’d like to believe that we cross paths with people for a reason, that we lose them for a reason, and that we find them again for a reason.”
“That’s not such a bad thought,” you smile. “I suppose that every person I lost for good was for a reason. If I find my way back to Jungkook… it should be for a good reason, too.”
“Of course. And I also mean that for us,” he smiles back. “Please don’t become a stranger. You mean a lot to our family, ___. How your mother helped me and how you helped our son will not be forgotten. Thank you.”
“Likewise, sir. You and Mrs. Jeon have helped us so much. Even Mr. Ri. I… I owe a lot to him as well.”
“You should already know he has a soft spot for you. That man treats you like family.”
You smile to yourself, thinking of how Mr. Ri has looked out for you all these years. He sacrificed a lot, too, and that feeling of safety that he gave you and your mother changed everything for you, even if it took everything from him. But he never wavered, as he made sure to visit you regularly when you were growing up. You suppose he had to hold back once you started working for the company and especially for Jungkook, given the secret you both kept, but Mr. Ri has been showing that same care to you now that the truth is out.
“Did… did you know about him and my mom?” You wonder.
“I did,” Mr. Jeon nods. “It was hard not to. Byung-hun was always serious and expressionless but his eyes always softened whenever she was around. She’s why he even smiled. But… decisions had to be made. I’ll always be sorry for what could’ve been.”
“It’s a love that lives on, though,” you say. “He’s been such a big help to me these past few days.”
“That’s good. You can always count on him. He’ll do anything for you, you should know that. It’s how he keeps their memories alive.”
It’s a nice thought, as you let the older man’s words settle. Love may not always be returned but the beauty is in how it’s expressed, in that it’s received regardless, and that it’s remembered.
You didn’t expect for the talk with CEO Jeon to be as emotional and uplifting as it was. You suppose that all these years, you both were just trying to make it up to each other, to compensate for something that was given and for something that was taken away. Maybe he needed this closure, too, for him to know that you’ve always forgiven him, and that after everything, you’re grateful for what his family has done for you.
Letting out a sigh of relief that at least he’s not angry at you, you return to your tasks. You organize some documents then enter Jungkook’s room to request his signature, immediately spotting some of those he’d already signed from yesterday.
You avoid his eyes again, and you only hope he doesn’t see the sadness in yours when you hear the conversation he’s currently having.
“Is the apartment okay?” He says on the phone.
It’s Lucas, you assume. He’s scheduled to arrive today and is probably settling down first.
“Yeah, just take your time. But don’t forget to be at my penthouse tomorrow,” Jungkook continues. “Ms. Cho will be there to brief you. I’ll see you at 7:00.”
He puts the phone down and retrieves the folder with all the files you set on his desk while you review the ones he just signed. Moments like this used to be spent on friendly banter or some questions on his end, but there’s none of that now. There’s just the sound of the pen gliding on the sheet and the flipping of pages filling the tense-filled air in the room. He hands you back the folder and you’re forced to look at him to say your thanks.
“Please be at my apartment tomorrow at 7. Mr. Ri can take you there, I’m sure he’ll insist,” Jungkook says.
“Yes. Mr. Jeon,” you reply, your eyes focused on his desk.
“And prepare the conference room for the postponed team meeting. We start in 15 minutes.”
You confirm his instructions and quickly head out. You gather everyone - and receive another hug from Do-hyun that you hadn’t realized you’ve been needing so much - then proceed to the room as instructed.
Emotions are managed this time, with no more tearful goodbyes and sentimental speeches unlike the day before. Jungkook gets straight to the point by laying out the plans for Lucas’ onboarding and the division of tasks for the Arts Center opening. You’re primarily assigned to handle the former, as you’ll be turning over all of your responsibilities to him, including all documents, schedules, and contacts. Your facilitative role for the major project is divided between the rest of the team, and as you add the growing list of deliverables and other things you’re in charge of, you’re reminded just how hard you’ve been working for this, too.
CEO Jeon was right. You’re not just walking away from your job; you’re walking away from something that you’ve started to believe in and be passionate about yourself. In a way, Jungkook gave that to you, and you’ll always be grateful that he let you be a part of it.
The melancholic feeling stays with you for the rest of the day. You find yourself lingering on people and things and moments, as if capturing them so you can keep them in your memory.
You do that, too, during lunchtime with the team as you laugh at the stories and incidents you recall that only all of you know. You do it while replying to the dozens of messages you receive after the announcement, with some of the other assistants calling you and expressing their sadness. You do it as well when you email Jungkook another memo he has asked you to draft. And then again when you peek through the window while he’s busy working on perhaps some other design, the image of him focused being etched in your mind until you sleep that night.
You have to let go, you tell yourself; that was the point of resigning. You’re free, like what CEO Jeon said. While you never likened being in this company to a prison, there’s something liberating about stepping back from what you’ve known for years and realizing that you enjoyed it, too, that it gave you a certain kind of happiness and satisfaction, and a special feeling that only you could have.
Jungkook was someone who gave you all that as well, even if it was all fleeting. But then again, you don’t think anything really is. The things and people and emotions and moments you encounter all stay with you in one way or another. For that instance, you had them and they had you. Perhaps that’s the beauty of it - they may not stay but they will always linger.
You enter the car the next morning with the scent of freshly baked pastry. Your eyes light up when you see the iced coffee, prompting Mr. Ri to let out a soft laugh and say that he picked them up on the way for you.
“Jungkook’s got a packed day so I doubt he’d have time for breakfast and I assumed that meant you, too,” he adds.
“Not really,” you sigh. “He’s keeping me to just turnover duties for my last weeks here. I doubt I’d be that busy. But breakfast is good. I woke up late so I managed to only grab some fruits.”
“I think he just doesn’t want you to be stressed. Saying goodbye is hard enough.”
“I suppose… I guess I just hoped things would slow down a bit. But then again, I’m the one who abruptly resigned,” you say. “No one was afforded time to process things, including me.”
“It will sink in soon enough,” he hums. “Especially once you see how things change.”
“They have,” you whisper, the sullenness in your eyes letting the other man know just how much. “And I have no right to wish they didn’t, at least not this fast.”
“Oh, ___,” Mr. Ri turns to you with a sad smile. You can’t imagine him being the cold and stoic man that CEO Jeon had described, one who only softened when your mother was around. “You do. Standing by our decisions means that we accept whatever the consequences are, not that we can’t wish they were different. I’m pretty sure Jungkook feels that way, too. He’s dealing with you leaving, but it doesn’t mean he wishes you had to. And maybe… deep in your heart, you wished that not staying in the company didn’t have to mean not being with him.”
It’s a thought you’ve had for a long time, but one you don’t want to acknowledge. There’s a lot of things you’re still scared to face, including just how much you want him. You’re afraid to break, to want to take it all back, and to realize just how much you’re losing by letting all this go.
And like the family he’s come to be, Mr. Ri reminds you that this pain you’re feeling is part of the process of finding the happiness you’ve been yearning for.
“Sometimes we have to lose things for something so much better,” he comforts. “‘Better’ could be a person or a state of mind. In your case, I think it’s discovering that kind of strength you didn’t know you had; it’s that freedom that you wouldn’t have otherwise felt even if you got together with Jungkook. For as long as you’re in the company, you’ll always feel burdened and that something’s missing at the same time. You always needed this. And I should’ve encouraged you to be braver a long time ago.”
“Then I wouldn’t have met him,” you say immediately, the thought breaking you, even if you tried to convince yourself it was better that you didn’t. “He and I have pasts that intertwine and if we never met then there… there would be nothing of him I’d carry, there’d be no trace of him in me.”
But you did meet. And now there’s Jungkook in you - in your bravery, in your strength, in your silence. He’s in your appreciation for art and design and love for disposable cameras and capturing good memories. You carry him with you, and the thought makes things hurt a little less. Maybe all that is why you got the courage to walk away in the first place. Maybe those could push you to find him again, too.
You’re deep in your head that you don’t realize you’re already at Jungkook’s building until Mr. Ri is calling your name. You exit, and right at the entrance, you see a well-dressed man with a bright yellow helmet on one hand and a scooter on the other, his smile brightening his whole face as he greets you. He’s Lucas, he says, and you’d almost forgotten the purpose of why you’re back here after almost a week.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Ms. Cho. Although I wish it were for happier reasons,” he says, his face softening.
“It’s happy enough,” you smile. “You’re living abroad like you said you wanted to, and this is career advancement for you. They’re all good things.”
“I suppose so. Although I didn’t really get to prepare myself much. I’m quite nervous, if I’m being honest.”
You pass over your access cards to him and let him go through the building’s security process. It’s another way you’re letting go of Jungkook, you think, and there’s more of that melancholic feeling, as memories of all your mornings here fly through your mind.
“You’ve been with Mr. Jeon longer than I have, Lucas. You know how he works,” you tell him. “Sure, there are added responsibilities as the Vice President’s EA but you’ll learn them through experience. You have the skills good enough to be his assistant in the first place. And he’s… he’s good at what he does. He’s good to people. Those should make things easier for you.”
“Hmm that’s true,” he replies, as you both head towards the elevator. “He seems a lot calmer than I’m used to. And more poised. And— I don’t know if I can say this but, more considerate, I suppose. He made sure everything was organized for my move. He checked on me when I arrived. He even got me a scooter because my old one was a bit rusty already.”
You smile to yourself. They’re simple things, and it makes you think that maybe Jungkook used to not show much care to his staff. Lucas doesn’t seem to hold resentment of any kind, so you suppose Jungkook just gave or did the bare minimum. If your relationship with him somehow influenced this kinder and perhaps softer version of him, then meeting you wasn’t so bad for him either.
Lucas rambles a little as he talks about being anxious working with all the bosses, and you wish there was a way that you could ease his worries. You understand it. You were in his shoes once, and you hope that your mentorship of him during this turnover period will be enough.
“All that to say that I have large shoes to fill,” he adds. “And I just don’t want to disappoint him.”
“And you won’t,” you assure the younger man as you reach Jungkook’s floor. “You’re gonna be fine and the team is gonna support you. So will he, so you just do what you can and things will fall into place.”
Lucas sighs in relief and smiles. It’s the most you can do for now and you hope at least for today, it’s enough.
You enter Jungkook’s apartment and a feeling of sadness rushes through you. Everything looks the same and it’s much too quiet than you’re used to.
You tell Lucas what you normally do and he says that Jungkook’s doing away with breakfast.
“He knows I fast so we never really had meals in the morning,” Lucas says. “But it’s nice you got to prepare them for him. He was always too busy and didn’t realize he hadn't had anything to eat until past lunch time.”
You nod, realizing that you probably created that routine you both had. Jungkook used to just always go straight to business but at least with you, he was able to slow down a little and enjoy a meal. You’d come to like those moments, you smile to yourself. He felt a little more human to you then.
You go through Jungkook’s usual schedule and give Lucas a list of numbers to call, like his house cleaner and cook. There are other routines you share, and the young man starts to take note, as some of them are new due to Jungkook’s role.
It’s not long after when the man himself shows up, walking into the kitchen donned in a dark blue suit. You reflexively take a step forward, ready to fix his crooked tie, but then you realize that this is one routine you’ve stopped doing for a while, so you put your hand down and bow to him in greeting.
Jungkook just nods at you and then asks Lucas how the move was and if everything’s okay. The young man answers accordingly, with just enough information to not prolong the conversation.
“It’s gonna be a hectic couple of weeks so it’s good you’ve settled in,” Jungkook says. “Have you gone through the building’s security process? Do you have access to my apartment now?”
“Yes, sir. Ms. Cho has briefed me about all of that,” Lucas says.
“Good,” Jungkook nods. “I’ll just grab my things and we can go. We’ll run through yesterday’s meeting and my schedule for the remainder of the week in the car.”
He walks towards his study to get his bag while you and Lucas stay behind.
“Aren’t you gonna fix his tie?” You whisper to the man next to you.
“Why, what’s wrong with it?” Lucas asks, turning to Jungkook and looks intently at his outfit.
“The knot is slightly to the right,” you point out.
Lucas takes a few seconds to answer before he nods in agreement. “I don’t really fix it but I could tell him.”
You’re all in the elevator and with Lucas looking a bit antsy, Jungkook asks him what’s wrong.
“Your… your tie is slightly to the right, sir,” Lucas says.
It prompts Jungkook to face the mirror, adjusting it himself numerous times until he figures it out. Turning around, with his eyes flitting to you, he asks, “is this alright?”
You nod, feeling the distance once again.
Jungkook used to look at you in a way that always seemed to be more during this shared moment, with words and feelings unsaid, and you realize that so did you. It’s such a simple thing - fixing his suit, but it’s seconds where it’s all quiet and it’s just your breaths sharing space, your glances meeting, maybe your hearts beating a little too fast, a little too loud.
But there’s none of that now. There’s just distance and it’ll get farther as time passes by, especially once all three of you make it to the car and you know, next to him is no longer the place you should be. You take the passenger seat, feeling unfamiliar when you hear his voice right behind you.
Jungkook goes on about Lucas’ new role to include preparing his clothes for the week, which means styling him accordingly. It’s a task the younger man says makes him nervous, but Jungkook assures him.
“Just make sure the clothes match and that I don’t look ridiculous. And that, uh, my tie isn’t crooked.”
Lucas chuckles and says he’s up for the challenge before the conversation switches to the meetings today and tomorrow. Jungkook asks you questions and you fill in some other details. You’re not as on top of his schedule as you used to be, and he instructs that for the meetings after the turnover to Lucas, you’ll no longer be required to attend. You have leaves to take, Jungkook reminds you, and given that you’re set to start work elsewhere soon, having some time off would be good.
“All noted, sir,” you say, and despite how you feel, you also agree.
You arrive at the office and Lucas is promptly introduced to the team. He’s received well, as he’s able to match the young ones’ energy and you see the respect he has for the rest, including you. You already know he’s going to do well, and you make a mental note to tell Bitna and Mrs. Myung to look after him as well, the same thing you told Mr. Ri to do.
While Lucas fixes his documents with HR, you decide to bring Jungkook a cup of coffee and some biscuits, unsure if he’s had any breakfast yet. He promptly looks up from his desk when you enter, nodding in acknowledgement when you place them on his desk.
“Lucas is a fast learner and he’s good with people,” Jungkook says, surprising you, as you hadn’t expected him to start a conversation. “He just needs to work on being a leader and holding the team together. You’re… you’re very good at that. I know it’s a short time but I hope it’s something you could teach him.”
It takes a while for you to respond. Even if his tone is not the soft one you’ve gotten used to, his words still hold warmth in them - towards Lucas. And towards you.
“I… I will, sir. And if it means anything, I think he’ll do well. He’s got good people looking out for him, including you.”
You want to return his kind words, but you also want to remind him that despite how you both started, he stood by your side and guided you. And that helped you be even more confident and capable in what you do. You hope it’s something you’re able to tell him, in a more truthful and vulnerable way he deserves, but there’s no place for that now. Yet the way he nods tells you that maybe he knows, and as you hold his gaze for a little longer than usual, you hope you’re also able to say a bit more.
That you miss your mornings together. That days don’t feel the same without his soft laughter. That you’ve almost forgotten how his smile looks like. That there’s so much of him you want to keep even though you shouldn’t. That you hope he wishes, just like you, that you’d find your way back to him someday even if right now, you have to do this.
The knock on the door signals that your shared moment has passed and you’re unsure if any of that reached him. Maybe not, as he turns away and just nods.
Lucas enters, and you remind him of that building tour you said you’d give. He’s been to the office three times but only in the conference hall, so you decide to take him around before that meeting with the design department in an hour. Do-hyun will cover for both of you while you’re away, so Jungkook tells you to advise her that he won’t be taking any calls or visitors in the meantime.
You nod, and Jungkook watches you walk out the door as he keeps himself steady like always, holding himself back from wanting you to stay a little longer, from asking how you’re doing, from taking you in his arms like he’s been wanting to do for days.
It’s hard having to act like it doesn’t affect him, like it doesn’t break his heart seeing the sadness in your eyes with how he’s taking your departure. While that overheard conversation told him that you planned on leaving, he wasn’t ready for you to do it so soon. Perhaps he should’ve expected it - you both kissed and he went ahead and said the words he’d never said before, and that’s what caused you to push him away and decide that you didn’t want anything to do with him despite how you feel.
He doesn’t know if you ever planned on telling him the truth about who you are. He doesn’t know what your plans have always been and what they are now. He doesn’t know what you’re feeling and how you’re dealing with all these goodbyes. He supposes if he’d asked first, maybe things would have turned out differently, and you wouldn’t be leaving this way. Maybe he wouldn’t be hating himself for detaching so quickly and so certainly, as if he isn’t missing everything about you, as if he isn’t wishing that he could just hold you in his arms and have you stay there.
It took everything in him not to fall apart when he saw your resignation letter. You’d been so certain and after what he learned, he didn’t want to hold you back anymore. He hoped you’d at least want to talk about what you felt, or perhaps assure him that leaving the company doesn’t mean leaving him for good. He kissed you and you kissed him back. And he can’t wrap his head around how you could do that and then so easily decide that being with him isn’t what you want.
It’s all too much, and the only thing he knows he could do for you is make the departure less difficult by making sure that you have nothing to worry about what you’re leaving behind. He made the executive decision to get Lucas, and it wasn’t hard getting his father’s approval this time around. Jungkook organized the whole move and all other turnover matters so that you wouldn’t be bothered by them. He recommended that you take your remaining leaves so you’d get some rest before you move on to your next job, wherever that is. He didn’t want you to be burdened by the extra tasks you have to do for him, including going to his apartment every morning.
But disengaging with you, distancing himself… those are for his benefit. And for you, too, as he doesn’t want to linger and then be foolish by asking you to reconsider, or telling you that he still wants you, that he meant everything he said about what he feels, and that he wishes you’d assure him of your sincerity and tell him you want him just as much. Acting unaffected is the only way that he can maintain that sense of control, the one he lost when he decided to be honest with you and give in to his desires.
He knows it’s not ideal but he doesn’t know how else to give you the freedom you deserve while wanting you next to him. A part of him holds onto the hope that you want that, too - to unburden yourself while being with him. He’d seen the sadness in your eyes these past days and he wants to think it’s because of the distance he’s creating, or because you miss him, too. He’s noticed your glances and lingering looks, he’d seen you stop yourself from fixing his tie this morning, and there’s a softness in your voice that’s different from how it usually is.
But much as he has a lot to say, he also doesn’t know how to. He’s afraid that if he tries, you’ll push him away again, maybe further this time that he won’t know how to get you back. He’s afraid that you’ll look at him differently, that you’d think he doesn’t care about what you want, or that you’ll realize that it’s just not going to work. He doesn’t like what’s happening but he doesn’t think he’s ready for what would happen if he does anything else.
So he stays where he is, close enough to see you, but not enough to feel your presence. Every second that he’s without you, he feels himself slipping away. He wants to give in but he knows he can’t, so he decides to do the only thing he knows - pull back, distance himself, disengage.
He tells himself to just focus on the tasks at hand, that there are a lot more things that require his full attention, and it helps somehow. He presides over the meetings with the design team and then with marketing with few distractions. He sees you from his periphery taking minutes just as Lucas does, but Jungkook doesn’t comment on it. He just goes from one meeting to the next, one call to another one, and one email to a dozen more.
The day is almost over before he knows it, as the knock on the door pulls him away from the budget report he’s reviewing. It’s a little disorienting seeing Lucas once it opens. That used to be you - asking if there’s anything else he needs before you head home. And Jungkook would often take a while to answer just to keep you a little longer before letting you go, even if he’s assured that he’ll see you again in the morning - in his kitchen preparing him a meal, the start of a routine that’s become the best part of his day.
But it’s not you standing by his doorway now. And it won’t be you who’ll be in his penthouse in the morning. You won’t be asking if he got to rest well. You won’t be standing close to him as you fix his outfit, your eyes focused on the creases of his top while his eyes are focused on you. You won’t surprise him with fried rice or fancy-looking eggs on toast while you sneak glances at him to see if he enjoyed it, which he always does. You won’t be there to tease or bicker with him, and he won’t see your warm smile whenever he laughs or teases back.
He doesn’t know how he survived the week without all of that. He knows he’ll have to learn how to get through everyday with that big, empty space you’re leaving. And he’s terrified that he’ll get used to it; the last thing he wants is to forget how it felt when you were still around.
“Mr. Jeon?” Lucas calls out again, pulling Jungkook out of his thoughts. “I’m heading home. What time did you want me to be at your penthouse tomorrow morning?”
It’s silly but Jungkook feels protective of his mornings with you. If he’ll no longer have it, then he’ll just live in the memory by himself. So he tells Lucas to be at his place at 7:30 AM, right before they leave.
“Understood, sir. I’ll see you then.”
Jungkook bids him goodbye and returns to his task, but he’s too distracted by the silence so he decides to go home. He enters the car, feeling the tiredness weigh his body down - not only does he stay up to work, he also wakes up early to do his workout. It’s only been a week but it’s catching up to him, and the deep sigh he releases catches Mr. Ri’s attention.
“You should get proper rest,” the older man advises. “You’re gonna get sick at the rate you’re going.”
“I’m fine,” Jungkook huffs. “I’ll rest when I’m dead.”
“I should ask ___ to tell you to slow down. She knows how to make you listen, doesn’t she?”
“That’s not necessary,” Jungkook sighs, even if he knows it’s the truth.
You had a calming way of telling him to take a pause, and he always listened because it’s you.
“Then you better listen to me,” Mr. Ri says, eyeing him from the rearview mirror. “You need to be at your best these next few weeks and you won’t be if you push yourself too hard. You have a team that has your back. It’s all going to work out.”
“That’s exactly what she would say,” Jungkook shakes his head, suddenly hearing your voice in his head.
“I know. And I bet you that she’d say it even more if she sees how you are now. You need to rest, Jungkook. I mean it.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he says in submission, deciding that he’ll just buy food on the way home and then call it a night. But the mention of your name has his mind going to you again. “Did… did she eat breakfast?” Jungkook asks.
“She did, and she liked it,” Mr. Ri responds. “You know, she still would’ve eaten it even if I said that you asked me to get those pastries for her. It wouldn’t have made a difference.”
“It would have. She’ll know it was from me.”
“And? Just because she’s leaving, it doesn’t mean you have to stop showing her that you care. And it doesn’t mean that she stopped caring, either.”
At Jungkook’s silence, the older man continues.
“Why do you do that? Why hide behind your pain? Why make excuses for what you feel about her? You think it’s easier that way?” he presses. “You think it helps you and her when you act like it doesn’t affect you?”
“She pushed me away, okay? What do you expect me to feel?”
“But she still cares about you, at least acknowledge that.”
“But I want her to want me,” Jungkook raises his voice, surprising himself with the burst of emotion he didn’t expect. “I don’t just want her to care. I… I want her to be with me. But she has a life to live beyond all this, and I don’t think she wants me to be a part of that.”
Mr. Ri turns to Jungkook with sad eyes, unable to say anything else. He doesn’t know what kind of comfort the younger man needs. It starts and ends with you, it seems, and perhaps that’s expected. After Jungkook’s breakup with Chaerin, he kept his heart guarded and didn’t bother to let anyone have a peek. All encounters were shallow, all attempts at getting him to share himself were futile. Until you. And now that he’s shared a little bit of himself, with you turning away from it, he feels exposed and bare, and he has to build his walls back up again.
Mr. Ri gets to witness it this time, and his heart breaks for the younger man, too. Having heard both sides, he knows that Jungkook respects your decision and wants to be with you. Those can coexist. He also knows that you want to be free from the ties that bind you to this family and want to be with him. Those can coexist as well. But he knows, more than anyone, that you’ll both have to make a decision, and you’ll both have to learn to do that.
“I can’t tell you what to do, Jungkook. And I can’t tell her, either,” the older man sighs. “You’ll have to figure things out on your own and decide what you want to do because that’s the only way you’ll get to stand by your choices.”
It’s a piece of advice that Jungkook should follow, even if all he wants is for someone to tell him what to do. But perhaps that’s also hard if he can’t make sense of everything that he feels. And it’s both of you suffering at the end of it.
He stays quiet for the rest of the ride, wanting to just shut out his thoughts even if there are hundreds of them swimming in his mind. When Mr. Ri asks him where he wants to grab his dinner, Jungkook can’t decide and ends up going to a convenience store instead. He sighs to himself as he realizes the memories that’ll come up by being here; he wants to escape thoughts of you, but he still ends up thinking about you whatever he does, as if his mind and body gravitate towards you without realizing it.
He buys instant noodles and some snacks. He munches on choco pie during the ride back to his penthouse and remembers the way you smiled when you ate it that night when he stayed with you. It’s an image he keeps until he falls asleep, and there’s that empty feeling again when he wakes up in the morning.
Lucas arrives that Friday as instructed and they leave for the office right away. They talk about the Arts Center and the schedule for the day, and they arrive at the building at the same time that you do.
It’s a little tense sharing the elevator with you this time, especially as he formally greets you as if he wasn’t torturing himself with the thought of you all night. But you smile and act cordial, choosing to let the silence engulf all three of you and just deal with it.
There are virtual meetings he has to attend, and Jungkook multitasks while reviewing some reports that are on his desk. There are some things he knows he needs to sign, so he calls your phone and asks them where they are.
You walk inside his room with a folder of documents and promotional materials for his approval, setting them on his desk and explaining that Lucas was going to bring them in after he was done speaking with HR.
You watch as Jungkook, with scrunched eyebrows, goes through each sheet of paper. There’s so much tension on his face and his entire body, and you wonder if he’s been resting properly. Perhaps not, as you see the dark circles under his eyes.
“You don’t have to wait for Lucas to give these to me,” Jungkook says. “You still have that responsibility. You’re still my assistant.”
There’s no anger in his voice but you can’t help but feel defensive. He’s instructed you to focus on turning over files and functions, after all.
“Am I?” You find the courage to question him. “You’ve made yourself perfectly clear on what I’m only here for.”
Jungkook is taken aback by your words, not expecting you to say them with a mix of sadness and bitterness. But he answers back, unable to control himself this time.
“And you’ve made yourself perfectly clear on what you want. And what you don’t want,” he says, more bitterly than he intended.
Your face falls, and he hates himself for making you feel like this, so he backtracks.
“I’m just… trying to make things easier for you,” he reasons, glancing at you before returning his gaze to the papers. “There are lots of things to turn over and I prefer that you just focus on them. I need Lucas to know what to do because you always did, and that’s a big loss for the team. It’s not my intention to undermine you or… make you feel like I’m replacing you. I know I won’t be able to,” he says boldly. “You’re leaving and I’m just trying to deal with it the best way I know how.”
You look at him and see the mix of frustration and sadness on his face. This is all on you, and you hate that you don’t know what to do about it. So you accept his words in submission.
“I understand, sir,” you say, almost like a whisper. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
You bow then head out, leaving Jungkook rooted in his seat like always, knowing that a second more and he would’ve called you back, even if he doesn’t know what he’d say, just so he could be around you a few seconds longer.
But he lets you go. Whatever he wants to say won’t make it out anyway.
Jungkook gets through the rest of the day constantly distracted, always half-hoping it’s you when there’s a knock on the door, or glancing at your direction from his seat, expecting you’d be meeting his eyes. But it’s never you on the other side and you don’t look his way, and before he knows it, Lucas is saying goodbye and then Hoseok is calling to tell him to go home already.
Jungkook tries, though. He finishes half a bottle of whiskey and then sleeps through mid-morning. He doesn’t really know what to do with the time he has and he hates that he has so much of it.
For the first time, he forces himself not to think about the Arts Center, so he decides to sketch some designs for the various residential projects he has in the pipeline. Some are still in their early stages but that Scandinavian-inspired building that he’s been visiting various properties for is still being conceptualized. He doesn’t want to rush, believing that the right design will come, and he hopes that by going through the photos from his trip with Hoseok and A-yeong to Europe last year, he’ll have that extra nudge or perhaps, a burst of inspiration.
The buildings are intricate and majestic, but it’s the little cafes that catch his attention, the fountains in the gardens, and the faraway shots he took of Hoseok and A-yeong as they laughed and danced about. There’s something captivating about the everyday moments, and when he clicks on the photo of the sky, he’s reminded that all those times, he was thinking of you - that clarity, the stability, the comfort. Jungkook always has a lot of things going on in his head but you’ve become that person who makes him stop and look around, who makes him see the beauty in things, who makes him want them for himself this time.
There are some images that float through his mind for the project - large windows, spacious courtyards, open living spaces, muted palettes, tree-lined streets - but with all the comfort and beauty that those bring, his thoughts still shift to you. He remembers how you looked against the mountains during the team building, how the sun made you glow even more, how you looked at peace by the stream, and all he can think about is the sadness that comes with knowing they’re all just memories - still images in his mind that haunt him of what could’ve been.
Jungkook decides to switch strategies an hour later, the emptiness of his penthouse adding to the emptiness he feels inside. Thinking that a change of scenery is what he needs, he puts on his tracks and hoodie and heads out for a run. There’s no destination in mind. He’ll just jog around town, stop if he feels like it, and then head on out again until the thought of you fades from his mind.
He knows he’s not fooling anyone; he’ll probably still be thinking about you. But at least for those hours where he’s distracted by the sounds of the cars and the people in the streets, there’s less of you in there.
It’s quite sunny out. It’s mid-afternoon and he likes the feel of the sweat in his body, the heat contrasting the occasional burst of wind. He stops by a garden, then a convenience store for a drink, then runs up a trail to get a view of the city. The sun starts to set and Jungkook takes it slow. With his hands in his pockets, he leisurely walks to a nearby neighborhood that he hasn’t been to before.
He appreciates the calmness this time and thinks that maybe spending his weekends like this every once in a while isn’t so bad. But he thinks of other ways he could spend it and with whom. Finding new restaurants to eat at and places to explore with you flash through his mind. So does watching your variety shows with you on the couch or some local film like what you enjoy doing on your own.
Jungkook doesn’t fight against it this time. He realizes that the more he resists it, the angrier he’ll be, and he doesn’t want to feel that anymore. He wasn’t mad at you, he was mad at the situation. He was mad at himself for waiting too long, for not handling things properly, for not talking to you about it… for not being honest about what he really wanted early on. He’s trying not to be selfish by letting you walk away, but maybe that’s selfish, too, if all he’s focused on is how he deals with it, without considering how it’s also affecting you.
He sighs to himself. He’s feeling so much, and this hasn’t happened in a long time. He wasn’t good at this then, and it seems that he hasn’t learned; he doesn’t know how to express what he feels even now.
The sound of children’s laughter catches his attention, and Jungkook turns to his left and finds himself outside of the neighborhood park. The playground is hidden behind large trees, and as if by some serendipitous occurrence, he walks inside and finds a bench to sit on. It’s where he stays as he watches the last remaining child leave the swing and head home.
Silence envelopes him now. He remembers his childhood - how he disliked playing in the nearby playground because he was always teased for being the shy and quiet kid, how his brother laughed along, and how his father constructed one for him so he could enjoy it for once. His brother never joined him, choosing to stay in the treehouse built for him on the other side of their property, and Jungkook liked it that way.
He would climb up the small rock wall and then slide down the slide. He’d swing himself as high as he could, giggling loudly because of the ticklish feeling in his stomach and no one would hear him. He’d look through the telescope and gaze at the stars in the evening. On some afternoons, he’d sit on the little bench and just draw cars and buildings and houses on his sketch pad, just like he’d seen his father do. Out there, he felt like he could be anyone. He could do anything and feel anything and not be afraid. No one was going to hurt him. Nothing would make him feel unwanted - not the birds, not the butterflies, not the bees that he’d watch from afar.
His old man may have always been busy but he built that playground for him without Jungkook asking him to. They were words that his father couldn’t say, apologies that he couldn’t voice out, a desire for more time that he couldn’t express or maybe even commit to, which is why they remained unspoken.
After the incident at the cabin when Jungkook felt abandoned, he stopped playing. He stopped going outside, afraid of the open air, of the possibility that the rain would come, of his father joining him in a space that used to be one where no one could disappoint him.
Time passed and the apologies were still unspoken. The emotions were kept hidden, the desire left unsaid. But they remained. Jungkook knew because his father kept that playground in its spot despite the renovations done in the estate over the years. He maintained them, too, making sure that he seals them regularly, that he repairs damages, that he paints them once the color has started to fade.
Jungkook knew this because every time he visited their home, he always spent some time there. And he saw that the playground always looked the way it did when he first saw it over 20 years ago. He was there last week, and he remembers that in the midst of his outburst, being there calmed him down.
Despite all the painful memories in between, and even if he’d outgrown it already, the safety was still there. It held memories, it felt like freedom, it held that child-like belief that he could do and be anything and he could be happy.
And as Jungkook watches the sky turn dark, the calmness overtakes him. Any playground elicits that kind of feeling, and he hears the apologies, he feels the emotions, he understands the desire.
He realizes that he’s very much like his father, just as you and Mr. Ri and Hoseok have told him. Because much as the old man is good at many things, expressing how he feels is one thing he struggles with. That’s why he builds things. He builds homes for his wife and a treehouse and playground for his sons.
And like some epiphany, Jungkook realizes that he may not be able to express what he feels, but he may be able to show you. The words may never be enough, even as they remain unsaid, but he can at least give you a space that matters to you, a place just like his playground that you could go to to feel safe, where you could be anyone, where you could do anything and feel anything and not be afraid.
It will be a place where no one can hurt you, not even him, and where you’ll always be wanted - by the characters in your picture books, and the birds and butterflies and bees that you’ll color. You may have outgrown them, but he knows that the memories of your childhood will remind you that there’s a place for you, in his heart especially.
His mind starts to race, with designs and details flashing through his mind. He rushes home and starts working, and he doesn’t leave his study until 3 in the morning. But he’s satisfied, and he spends the next day making calls and other arrangements, ensuring that the plans are set for dissemination to the team.
It’s a monumental task for the time that he has. The Arts Center opening isn’t far from now. He’ll probably earn the ire of everyone involved, including his father, but Jungkook will just have to deal with all that.
Right now, what matters is that he gets to do this to show you how he feels. He doesn’t know when you’ll see it, if you’ll decide to go when it opens in a few weeks, but he hopes that when you do, you’ll know that you made him feel something that he hasn’t in a long time, and he hopes that if he no longer gives you that feeling of comfort and safety that he’s been giving, then there’s a place that he built so you’d feel all those again.
You sit on your desk that Monday morning and try to act as if all your contrasting emotions aren’t weighing heavily on you.
Being with your friends over the weekend helped, as you took the train to meet them this time and told them everything that’s happened. You apologized for not telling them right away, but they knew that it was important for you to feel everything on your own first and try to figure it out. You said you really hadn’t - deciding to leave seemed so simple but the feelings and the truth complicated them, and now you’re left with a broken heart and the belief that Jungkook won’t forgive you, that he won’t want you anymore, that he'll just let you walk away without any closure.
Soomin and Jimin just held you and listened. They knew from the start it would be difficult. Your past wasn’t something you talked about so easily, and it took you years to even tell them your story, how you ended up in Busan and why you had to return to Daegu because it was already safe for you to go back home. There was no judgment, only support, even when you decided to enter the company and work for the people that you felt you owed your life to.
Their resentment towards Jungkook stemmed from how he treated you at the beginning; they knew that yours was the same. But they never questioned your sincerity when it came to how you felt - you’re never like this, they said. It takes a lot for you to let someone in and ties to his family isn’t enough for that. If anything, that’s what told them it was real - you would’ve tried hard to control the feelings but you still gave in, and for you to think he was worth that even for the briefest moment means he probably was.
Their perspective affirmed you in a way. This wasn’t just some silly crush on your boss, but this also wasn’t something you could just easily forget or get over. Your happiness always comes first, and it may look like a life with him in it, but it doesn’t mean he gets to be part of it right now. It’s also possible it’s one without him, and if it is, then you’re just going to have to learn to accept that.
You sigh to yourself. You’re in no better place than you were last week, but at least you have less days left in being here. But then again, that also just means the closer you are to really saying goodbye.
You go through your checklist of things to turn over and do before you leave, and while you’re halfway through, putting together event and project portfolios and documenting best practices still takes a lot of time.
You’re about to begin your first task of the day when you hear rushed footsteps. Lucas scurries over to your side to leave his things then grabs some folders.
“Hey, is everything okay?” You ask the visibly stressed man next to you.
“Uh, yeah,” he responds. “Mr. Jeon called for a meeting about the Arts Center and there are changes. He wants to add something.”
“At this stage?” You ask worriedly.
“Yeah. It seems like it’s quite a bit of work. I’m… I’m freaking out because this is a really big project and —I”
“Won’t disappoint him, I’m sure of it,” you try to comfort him. “You’ll be fine, Lucas. Just take a breath and take it one step at a time. I’ll be right here.”
You smile at him warmly, hoping that the bit of encouragement would help. The opening is a few weeks from now. At this point, focus should just be on finishing touches, finalizing government certifications, and promotion, but with how Lucas seems a bit rattled, the changes might indeed be a bit overwhelming.
He excuses himself to prepare the conference room and get the team then leaves, and as you’re about to follow him, Jungkook exits his office then stands by the hallway.
“Ms. Cho,” he calls out, prompting you to stay in your place. “There is no need for you to attend the meetings about the Arts Center.”
You’re taken aback by his statement but you recover.
“But… it’s opening in a few weeks, sir. There’s lots to do, and Lucas just said there are changes,” you counter. “If there’s anything I can do to help, you know I would.”
“I know that,” he says. “And I’m saying that there’s no need this time. The team can manage. You’ve taught them well.”
“But—”
“You’ve tendered your resignation, Ms. Cho,” he reminds you, his tone a little softer than it’s been recently. “Your remaining days here are meant for turnover and mentoring Lucas in his general functions, and not to take on added or continuing responsibilities.”
He may have a point, but it doesn’t take away from your sadness over no longer knowing how the preparations are going. You’ve become invested in the Arts Center this past year, too, and while you knew you had to let that go as well, it doesn’t mean it’s easy.
“Understood, sir,” you concede, bowing your head down in submission. “I’ll continue with my reports, then.”
He just nods, and you don’t miss the tinge of apology in his eyes. He leaves, and you’re left alone again; you think that’s how you’ve been feeling all this time.
You get on with your task, and it’s not long after when Hoseok enters, his bright smile only doing little to raise your spirits.
“Hey, ___,” he greets. “How are you holding up?”
“Just fine,” you try to smile. “Are you looking for Jungkook? He’s not here right now. He’s meeting the team about the Arts Center and if you’re wondering why I’m not there, it’s because he didn’t want me to be. First he replaces me, and then he excludes me and I just feel so… I…”
“Seems like you’re less than fine,” Hoseok says sullenly. “I’m so sorry, ___. I know this has been hard for you. For both of you.”
You know it is. But you suppose that you and Jungkook deal with difficulties differently.
“You… you understand why I had to do this, right?” You ask.
“I do,” he affirms, his eyes softening even further. “And so does Jungkook. And that’s the hard part. He doesn’t want you to go but he knows you have to do this for yourself. I guess… Your decisiveness hurt him. And with what I’m seeing now, I guess his acceptance hurt you, too.”
“I… I’m such a mess. Maybe I deserve all this,” you sigh. “How could I kiss him, push him away, leave him, want him, but can’t bring myself to be with him?”
“Because you’re human and could want things that you’re afraid of? Because it’s possible to want to find yourself while also being next to someone else yet still think it’s not enough?” Hoseok says. “It’s normal to feel all this, ___. But figuring things out also takes time. Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? Not knowing what to do now is understandable.”
“I… I only have a few weeks left here,” you say softly. “Maybe this is how he wants this all to end.”
“What about you? Is this how you want it to end?”
“I don’t know, but maybe it’s easier,” you try to convince yourself. “It’s easier to walk away when I know I’m not wanted. Maybe that’s what I made him feel, and I can’t blame him if that’s what he wants me to feel in return.”
“Oh, ___,” Hoseok shakes his head, knowing it’s not the truth. “You and Jungkook just need to talk. Then you’d know you want the same things.”
“Maybe… but we’re not good at that. And it doesn’t mean we want the same things at the same time,” you reason.
“So it’s about timing, then?”
“I guess. But we’re not good at that either,” you laugh dryly at the absurdity of it. “Look, even without all this, he already has a lot of things in his mind. The biggest project of his life is about to be unveiled soon and I… I have a life to live after this. I’m doing what I should’ve done years ago and the least I could do for myself is stand by the decision I made. I know I’d regret it if I stayed. I don’t want to regret the way I walked away.”
It’s a thought you’re slowly coming to, as you look back at how the week has been. You’ve been receiving nothing but praise and encouragement from your colleagues. You’ve been getting emails from various companies that want to recruit you after you put your resume through an online job site. There are so many possibilities now that you’ve put one foot out the door, and while you know of the possibilities you’re also leaving behind, you know deep down that you would’ve regretted it if you stayed, and you don’t want to tie that decision to Jungkook and end up resenting him for it.
The only thing that’s been keeping you down is what that decision is doing to you and Jungkook. It’s one you hope you’re able to fix, or at least mend enough that you’ll only have the good memories with you, and that so would he.
“I’m just really sorry,” Hoseok says, knowing that much as he’d like to help you and his cousin sort things out, it’s difficult when neither of you are unable to sort out your own feelings. “But I’m not just here to talk about that. I… I wanted to give you this.”
Hoseok hands you a sealed envelope and you look at him curiously.
“I know Jungkook gave you his recommendation letter, but I thought another one won’t hurt,” he smiles, letting you feel the warmth of it.
You know that companies usually just call for references, but a letter like this - especially from a well-known corporation’s top executive - gives you an advantage that others don’t have. You suppose that when you received one from Jungkook, it was a show of support. You have no doubt that with Hoseok, it’s him telling you that he’ll always have your back, wherever you may be.
“Oh, Hoseok,” you say, feeling all the emotions come at once.
It’s insane to think that almost a year ago, you were in this same spot with him encouraging and assuring you that he’ll always be around. Back then, you were anxious about being led by someone new who you knew was nothing like the man you admired. And now you’re here again, and Hoseok is giving you that same comfort that he always has, and the thought that you won’t even be in the same building as him is causing a crack in your heart. You hope one day, you’ll be able to fully express just how much his kindness has given you hope and so much to look forward to.
“Thank you,” you smile through your glassy eyes. “You… you’ve taught me so much. I hope you know that much of the confidence I have now is because of you. I’m terrified of this new journey but I’m confident that I’ll do well. You believed in me first and I’ll never forget that.”
“Being a good leader is something I learned to become because of you, ___. And because of the team. I admire you for so many things, and I’m pretty sure that wherever you choose to go, the company will be so lucky to have you.”
“I hope so,” you remark, knowing that’s another thing you have to deal with. “I… I have a few options. A few companies have reached out but there’s a publishing house that I’m leaning towards. I met the editor some time ago and that encounter just stuck with me and I feel like that kind of environment would suit me.”
“That’s great to know,” he says excitedly. “I can’t wait to hear about it. A-yeong and I will take you out to dinner once things have settled down, okay?”
“That would be great. I can’t wait for that, too.”
Hoseok bids you goodbye, leaving you alone with your thoughts for the next two hours. Whatever changes are happening with the Arts Center must be big, as it’s taking the team this long to iron things out.
It’s close to lunch time when the meeting ends. Jungkook walks in while on a call, while Lucas sits next to you looking a little stressed.
“Everything alright?” You ask.
“Yeah. There are just last minute changes but Mr. Jeon’s on top of it,” Lucas says. “He just wants us to make sure we’re on top of the other things and I’m honestly still familiarizing myself with the details of the Arts Center. I’m just nervous I’m gonna miss something.”
“Hey, that’s what I’m here for,” you assure him. “I know you were just thrust into this at such a critical time where you don’t have much leeway to adjust and that’s on me and I’m sorry. But that’s also why I’m gonna make sure that I’ll help you as much as I can.”
“Thanks, I need that,” Lucas sighs. “I can’t help but think that a year ago, I was almost supposed to be here. I mean, we can talk about it now. Mr. Jeon said he planned on taking me with him because he doesn’t want a new assistant that he has to get used to, you know? I always knew he hated change and I was the one thing that was familiar but it didn’t work out. Even I knew it wasn’t gonna happen - CEO Jeon approves these appointments and the EA of the VP needs to be familiar with the company culture and process and I wasn’t. I wasn’t really upset but I let myself think of living in Seoul for a short while and it seemed exciting. But things happen for a reason, and I think if I had to adjust then while helping Mr. Jeon with this project, I probably would’ve caved in and quit.”
Lucas turns to you with a smile. “What I mean to say is that, I admire you so much for being able to manage all this. And I know I have incredibly big shoes to fill and I think I’m more terrified about that, but I’m really thankful that you’re there to guide me, ___. Whatever tip and strategy and cheat sheet you can provide will be much appreciated.”
“Of course,” you assure him. “I’ve got spreadsheets and checklists and profiles and guidelines to turn over to you. And I’m always a call away, okay?”
He nods in gratitude, and you tell him that you both have time to sort through all those and that you’ll be finished in time for your last day. You agree on having lunch together so you could talk about the Board members and the other executives, and he says he has to see Jungkook first to get his signatures for some documents.
“Oh, can you, uh, can you give this to him, too?” You ask, passing him your leave request. It was during your time alone when you decided when to take them, knowing that you’re gonna slowly have to get used to being away from this place as well.
Lucas takes it then returns shortly after with your signed form. There’s relief in knowing you get to organize your life somehow. There are interviews to attend and a lot of your things to fix. There are feelings to make sense of, too.
And as you and Lucas talk about his move and the worry and excitement he feels, you think that you’ve got to stop thinking of goodbyes. There’s a life for you out there, and if by some way you find Jungkook in there, too, then at least you’d know you chose him, and that if he’d forgiven you then, then you’re assured that he’s chosen you, too.
You spend the entirety of Tuesday orienting Lucas about your spreadsheets and other files, and you both come up with a system that suits his style of work. Jungkook was out the whole day, and though you suppress the feeling of missing him, it’s one that haunts you until you lay in your bed that night.
You take the rest of the week off. You spend Wednesday cleaning your apartment and then having dinner with the elderly couple next door who amuse you with their love story and memories of their youth.
You meet Namjoon on Thursday for that official interview he’s been waiting for. You can’t help but envision yourself in the office with the dynamism of the teams and the laid-back feel of the entire space. You’d commit yourself right then and there if it didn’t make you look that desperate, but it’s Namjoon who encourages you to go to the other interviews you have lined up.
It’s a risk, he says; he might lose you if another more appealing company states their case. But he wants you to choose them without regrets; he wants you to choose them because you’ve seen what’s out there and decided that they’re who you want and who you see yourself being happy in. You don’t miss his slightly nervous face when you agree, but you suppose that if you’re going to do this now, might as well do it right.
You go to two other interviews that Friday, and while trying out events management was always in the back of your mind, it’s nice to see just how the job and the tasks excite you.
It’s the first time you’re feeling like you actually have options. Back then, even if there were other opportunities, you chose working for the Jeons because of a debt you felt you had to pay. You limited your own choices, but now, you feel what it’s like to take control of your own life, and it’s liberating to not have any baggage with you this time around.
Jimin and Soomin pay you a visit that weekend. They drive you around, thinking that the beauty of spring would inspire you even more. It’s fitting, they say, as you start a new phase in your life while the flowers bloom and greet you. But as you pass by a park and see the colors of the sky and buy some convenience store snacks on the way home, you can’t help but think of Jungkook.
Missing him feels a little odd. You didn’t know what it felt like until his trip at the end of last year, but you always knew he was gonna come back. This time, you’re unsure of when you’ll see him again. You spent time with him in a work environment, so being away from him and doing everyday things shouldn’t even affect you this much. But you suppose it’s the idea of what could have been that you miss, even if you don’t really know what that’s like.
You spend Monday and Tuesday the next week the same way. There’s just one executive meeting each day that you attend to assess how Lucas manages it, but other than that, you barely see Jungkook in the office. He stays in his room all morning then heads out in the afternoon, and you leave before he could even make it back. It reminds you that you truly left him at a critical time. You don’t know if he’s eating well, if he’s getting proper rest, if he’s tending a bruised knuckle or dealing with a headache. You don’t know if the stress is getting to him, if the anxiety is slowly building up, or if it’s just excitement he feels and that he can’t wait for everything to come together.
You hope for his sake, it’s the latter. You want nothing more than to assure him that things will turn out the way he wants, that the intended audience will love the Arts Center, and that he’s already achieved so much with just this. You hope he’s proud of himself the way you are, and that he knows that if there’s anything he leaves you with, it’s your own pride that you got to be part of something beautiful, and it’s that search for connection and intimacy and meaning that got you yearning for those things, too.
You take the rest of the week off again. You run errands one day, go to an interview the next, and then walk around town the day after. It feels like you’re back to that state of being alone but not feeling lonely; there’s just that added sense of freedom this time.
You’re not stressed about work. Time isn’t flying too fast. You don’t feel like you’re rushing, going from one task to another for the sake of it. You have space to think and feel. Even at such a short period of time, you’re learning what things excite you and what you want to explore. And that’s liberating, now that you’re able to pull yourself out of the routine that contained you for years, one that made you believe it was all you had and all you deserved. You think that this isn't so bad, and the constant sadness you feel slowly fades away as the days pass.
But then you return to work on Monday - your final week - and the illusion breaks.
Lucas has to meet with the marketing department, so he asks you to prepare Jungkook’s coffee in the morning. You feel quite sentimental doing it, as you know that there probably won’t be a next time.
You knock on the door, and when he asks you to come in, you suddenly feel anxious. You place the cup on his desk, making sure you put the biscuits like you always do.
Jungkook senses when you step back, lingering like you’ve been doing the few times you’ve done it. You used to do it because you expected he’d have something to ask you whenever you entered his room. But recently, he feels it’s you just waiting - for him to say something, perhaps, or for you to find the courage to speak up.
But you never do. And he never says what he really wants to.
“It’s your last week, Ms. Cho,” he states, focusing on his iPad screen so as not to torture himself with the sight of you. “How’s your clearance going?”
“Uh, it is, Mr. Jeon,” you reply. “Finance and HR have cleared me. IT and security will clear me on my last day. And I’ll submit to you my final deliverables on Wednesday. You can sign off my form then.”
He nods, and you torture yourself by standing by even if he doesn’t seem to have anything else to say. You’re about to excuse himself when he speaks again.
“Please free up your Friday evening. We’ll have a team send-off dinner for you.”
“I, uh. Understood, sir. Thank you.”
He nods once more, and it’s your signal to leave. He’s never felt so far away, but you suppose it’s the kind of distance you need.
You walk back to your seat, the reality of your last week hitting you, especially when you find Do-hyun and Yohan by your desk, looking somber as they reach out for a hug. You return it, with Do-hyun pointing it out, and she frowns when you say that you’ll be without it for a long time.
“Is everything alright?” You ask them.
“Yes,” they respond in unison.
“We just want to spend as much time with you as we can,” Yohan states. “I know we’ve all been busy but… it’s your last week. So let’s have lunch today, and any other day when you’re free. Please?”
“Of course,” you say. “Food hall today?”
They nod excitedly, and you spend your lunch time at the outdoor space, laughing about, with Lucas slowly but surely finding his place within the team.
That afternoon, Yoongi drops by and says he has lots of things going on because of the changes Jungkook is making, but he’ll meet you when you want to. He reminds you that he’s there when you need him; he’ll turn down the other man if it comes down to it. But he’ll drop by everyday until your last day, he says; he doesn’t want to feel like he didn't see you enough.
You assure him that he’s the one person you’d definitely meet up with outside of work, and so there’s no limit when it comes to him.
On Tuesday, you have lunch with some people from the marketing department whom you’ve gotten close to these past months, and on Wednesday, Bitna and the other assistants take you out to dinner.
CEO Jeon and Hoseok take you out to lunch on Thursday, stating that they wanted to check in and ask what your plans are. They assure you that they’re there should you need support in any way; the company is likewise always going to have a place for you. And with the sincerity in their eyes and their hope of you finding your place and your happiness, you know they mean well. So you take that time to ask for advice, too.
It ends in laughter, as you recall your early days at the company and the mishaps with Hoseok. You talk about some of the issues you’ve been privy to and some details about your life that they missed. Talking with them feels comfortable now that there’s an acknowledgment of your ties to their family. You can tell that despite of and after everything, CEO Jeon truly cares for you and your mother, and that he’ll be eternally sorry yet grateful to both of you.
You’re thankful that they don’t mention Jungkook. You wouldn’t know how to react if they did, especially since you’ve barely seen him all week. Missing him has become natural that you’ve just accepted it, including the fact that you can’t do anything about it. Maybe you’ll always be too scared to let him know, too.
It’s Friday before you know it. You manage to get everything done on time, and Jungkook calls you to his office that morning to return your signed clearance form. You hate how you’re both back to this tense dynamic whenever you enter his room - lingering looks, clenched jaws, deafening silence… and words you want to say and hear but know you never would. You’re both not built for that, you think; there’s always so much to feel but not enough courage to face them.
This room holds so many memories - when he got mad, when you stood up to him, when he said he needed your help, when he kissed you and you kissed him back… when you pushed him away.
But this isn’t where you say goodbye. There’s still that team dinner tonight and you hope you get to leave him with a proper farewell and a sincere expression of thanks for all that he’s taught you. You want to wish him good luck on the Arts Center opening. You want to tell him that you believe he’ll keep doing great things, you want to remind him to take proper rest, to take his breaks seriously, and to enjoy all that’s ahead of him.
So you settle for a smile, as genuine as you can make it, before heading out and closing the door behind you.
You return to your desk and go over some other things with Lucas that he needs clarifications on. You both spend lunch with the team and then resume your final turnover.
It’s shortly after 3 PM when Jungkook comes out of his room with his bag in hand, and he instructs Lucas to get some blueprints from Chin-sun before they both leave to go to the Arts Center for a visit. The man next to you gets up and tells you he’ll see you at dinner, leaving you and Jungkook alone this time.
It’s that lingering look again and he stays rooted in his spot, his eyes getting more distant as the seconds pass.
“I wish you well, ___,” he says, the use of your name with words that seem like goodbye causing a crack in your heart. “Good luck. And thank you.”
He doesn’t wait for a response as he leaves right after, and you’re left with your heart in your hands, one that keeps calling his name. You think it will continue to do that after all this.
You spend the rest of the afternoon packing your things and entertaining all those who drop by to say goodbye. Yoongi messages to say he’s out on a project site but that he’ll see you soon, and it’s something you look forward to after things have settled down.
You find yourself in a private room at a nice restaurant with the team not long after. You can order anything, you’re told, and Do-hyun and Yohan don’t hesitate on choosing the dishes that they wouldn’t have been able to eat if it wasn’t for their boss paying for this meal.
“Shouldn’t we wait for Lucas and Mr. Jeon?” You ask, looking around and feeling incomplete.
“This dinner is for you, and you’re here,” Do-hyun points out. “But I guess we can wait.”
You settle for some appetizers and get to talking. They’re less sentimental than they were a few weeks ago. They say they’ve made peace with everything and are just happy that you’re able to take a break and have time for yourself before going back to the grind. It’s all talk and laughter, and when Lucas arrives, everybody cheers because then, you can all have your food served.
“Where’s Mr. Jeon?” Do-hyun asks before you do.
“He’s at the Arts Center dealing with the laborers and the design team,” Lucas says regrettably. “Seems like there’s too much work and he can’t make it to dinner. I doubt he even eats at this point. He’s there every afternoon and doesn’t leave until late at night.”
“Is everything alright?” You ask, a mix of worry and sadness at how much he’s pushing himself, and that he didn’t even have the heart to see you one last time.
Perhaps that short exchange earlier was his final goodbye, you think. And now you wouldn’t even be able to say yours.
“Yeah, you know how he is when he focuses on something,” Lucas sighs. “He just locks in and doesn’t care about anything else. He’s always been like that and I guess that hasn’t changed. But he did say he wants us to enjoy tonight, so order anything you want and he’ll take care of it.”
You mask the disappointment by laughing through Do-hyun and Yohan arguing about the best way to attack the menu, but you can’t help the way your eyes flit to the door every time it opens, hoping Jungkook would walk through it. But it’s never him.
Mr. Ri walks in right as the main dishes are served, and you look at him in question. He returns your dejected look with a shake of his head, as if he knows what you're thinking.
You suppose that this is how Jungkook wanted to end things - by not showing up, by leaving the wound uncovered. You didn’t realize it would hurt like this.
Maybe you deserve it. Maybe you don’t. But with the empty seat on the table reminding you of the man who chose to not give you a final goodbye because you’d done yours so certainly, you’re starting to think that it doesn’t really matter. He gets to choose how he deals with this, like he said. And you have no choice but to do the same.
You try your hardest to keep up with the team’s energy. They’re at least no longer crying, although you wish they were so you’d have a reason to cry yourself, because that’s what you’re trying hard not to do. It’s probably because of the sadness at knowing that you won’t experience this with them anymore; you won’t share the laughter and the stories that you used to. Everything is sinking in already, and it’s reality hitting you that you’re really going to start a new journey soon, and that you had to let go of someone incredibly important for that to happen.
The Jungkook-shaped hole in your life will probably get bigger as the days pass, but that’s just another thing missing that you’ll have to find substitutes for, just like you do for everything else.
You manage to get through dinner with dry eyes, even when you’re presented with farewell gifts. Lucas hands you a large box - a present from the VP’s Office, he says, and you smile in awe when you see a coffee pod maker that’s a similar version to the one you have at the pantry.
“You won’t be going around making other people’s coffee anymore,” Manager Lee says. “So this is for your home. You’ll be on-the-go and busy but at least you’ll have this. It’s also so you’ll always remember us.”
“It’s also how I started,” you point out, recalling your internship days at the company. “But this is great. Please uh, please thank Mr. Jeon for me.”
“And this is from us,” Do-hyun smiles, handing you another box. “Like, this is from our own pockets. And we thought of every single thing in there so don’t forget about us. Ever.”
You open it and find a lot of the things that they know you can’t live without - a tumbler, a mug, notebooks, colored pens and highlighters, post-its, little jars of snacks and candies. There are also self-care items like scented candles and essential oils. In a little bag, there are two disposable cameras and vouchers to your local theater.
And underneath all of those is a complete photo of your team, the one taken during your team building not long ago. Everyone looks refreshed and carefree. Including you. And then there’s Jungkook next to you, hands in his pockets and sporting what you know is a genuine smile. It’s a good reminder of your time together, and despite everything, you’re glad you have something to always keep close to you.
You return their hugs, each one carrying so much care and warmth that you missed out on because you were never one to accept them, to ask for them. You finally say goodbye and make a promise that you’ll catch up with them one of these days, one you know you’ll keep.
You all walk out. Mr. Ri helps you with your things then leads you towards the car.
“Last one for old time’s sake,” he smiles at you. “And it’s late. Let me drive you home.”
You don’t resist, knowing that as someone who’s looked after you for so many years, never faltering in his commitment to your mother or you, you’re truly going to miss him.
Sitting on the passenger seat, you look out the window and try to amuse yourself with the scenes outside. There are cars passing by and people trying to get home, probably grateful that another week is over. You wonder how many of them are nursing broken hearts, or are running away from something, or are hoping someone they pushed away comes back.
The tears are falling before you know it, and as you try to hold in your sniffles, you see Mr. Ri from your periphery glance at you before turning on the radio, gradually making the music louder so as to drown out your sounds. That continues for a while until the streets start to look familiar. Somehow, you dread going home - being alone at a time like this feels a little too much, but maybe you deserve that, too.
You arrive at your apartment, and Mr. Ri helps you in bringing all your stuff inside. He stays by the door and his soft eyes prompt you to speak.
“I thought he’d come,” you whisper. “I thought I’d see him one last time. He… he couldn’t even say goodbye.”
“You know it’s not always easy for people to do that,” he says. “Letting you go was hard enough. What if he says something that would push you even farther away?”
“I can’t be any farther than I am right now,” you sigh. “But we did this to each other. I didn’t want to stay and he… just let me walk away. I hurt him but everything else after hurt me, too. And I… I wish it didn’t. I—”
You’re unable to speak as you cry once more, all the conflicting emotions suffocating you from within. And all Mr. Ri can do is wipe your tears with his handkerchief and hope that could stop them somehow.
“This hurts me,” he utters the words so softly and so heavy with emotion. “It’s like watching my daughter get her heart broken.”
It’s what makes you smile, and you take the piece of cloth from him and dry your eyes.
“I could’ve been,” you say, knowing that he wanted a family at one point.
“That’s true. But most times I think that I would’ve been too burdened by what I’ve done that I wouldn’t have been able to love your mother the way she deserves,” he reasons. “And I’ll always think that I let her go so that she could find someone like Min-woo who’d love her without reservations, who’d be able to give her a life that she’d always dreamed to have and to give you.”
Mr. Ri recalls his own decisions and the heartbreaks that followed right after. They conflicted him, too, but in life, knowing what you want doesn’t always mean you get to express it the way you want to. Sometimes doing it makes it harder for everyone involved, and that’s what he thinks is what’s happening with you and Jungkook, too.
“I think it’s what Jungkook has learned,” he continues. “He has to let you go so you could find whatever happiness it is that you couldn’t find where you are. And as for you, you have to know that letting someone go right now doesn’t mean you can’t ever have them again. You just have to stop thinking you don’t deserve to want it.”
You take his words to heart as you bid him goodbye, and they stay in your head as you force yourself to sleep later that night.
You don’t know what kind of happiness you’re searching for. You don’t even know what happiness could truly be like with Jungkook, and the thought that maybe you’ll never know starts to scare you. It’s one you think you’d like to one day experience. But how could you when you pushed him away? Is it even something you could still want, given what you’ve done? Is it something he’d want to know as well? In the midst of the mess you created, could it still happen?
You’re reminded of what CEO Jeon had said not long ago, and you try to comfort yourself with it. You crossed paths with Jungkook for a reason. You’ve started to believe that you’re losing him for a reason. You just have to trust that if it’s meant to be, you’ll find him again for a reason as well.
You just hope that when you do, he’ll take you back again, ask you to stay, and you’ll be able to tell him with your whole heart that you will. And that it’s something you won’t ever regret.
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#jungkook fic#jungkook x reader#jungkook x oc#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x you#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook angst#jungkook series#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook#boss jungkook
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trust me (no, mr. snow).
pairing: young!coriolanus snow x black fem oc (illia furdoix). warning: book accurate snow, arranged marriage, toxic!coriolanus. trigger warning: stupid coriolanus. content: illia finally decides to stand up against her husband and sets him straight. an: so, I liked where this was heading, so we're gonna continue it. and yes, we're going from yes to no.
tags: @snowlandsontopp @babyzzlove @hlstead @rosewine-5 @unicornqueen05 @thegabbyh @neeville @fastlikealambo @urfavesim to keep your spot on the tag list, you are expected to interact! reblog and comment for continued work!
"Do you trust me?"
Such a loaded question he dared to ask. It pulled a scoff out of her chest. A scoff; a sound of disbelief in response to his foolishness. Foolish is what he was. A damn idiot.
The audacity of him to ask such an egregious question with no hesitation made her jaw tick. Who was he? Did she trust him? She'd trust a hungry lion before she put her trust in the man she called her husband. Illia learned her lesson of giving him the benefit of the doubt. It only bit her in the behind and put her through the ringer of embarrassment each time.
"No," she replied plainly, her eyes not moving from the book she read. Her head was lowered as her eyes skimmed the pages from behind her round glasses. Illia brought a finger to her lips, tapped it against her tongue, and flipped the page.
In any other situation, she would have lied. She would have squeaked out a yes like a little mouse, shuddered when his cold eyes threatened to freeze hers over, and retreated to a corner. No; she couldn't take it any longer and she refused to. Coriolanus Snow would no longer have the ability to make her feel small and useless ever again. She'd rather be put six feet under before she permitted it.
"No?" he repeated. The shock in his voice made her lift her eyes. She blinked slowly. What had he failed to understand? For someone to be Academy and University educated, he seemed to have a difficult time grasping the concept.
"No, Mr. Snow," she said firmly. "I don't trust you. And do you know why I don't trust you, Coriolanus?" Illia closed her book and placed it on the bed. She folded her hands over her lap like her mother used to do and sighed softly. "I don't trust you because you are a selfish, egotistical individual who finds joy in putting others down because you cannot allow yourself to heal from what traumatized you.
"Life sucked for you, and for that I am truly sorry. But to think that you have the right to be a tyrannical imbecile because of it? Who even are you?"
Coriolanus' face reddened like the crimson of his suit. His nose flared. His jaw tightened. She kept going.
"And who are you to treat me any kind of way? Who was I to let you? Newsflash, Coriolanus, it wasn't my dream to marry you. But, guess what? Here we are. I may not like it, but I show up. I show up because you have goals to achieve, I show up because I have goals to achieve. I show up because I like to think that eventually we'll get along. I don't know when it'll happen but you better beg your lucky stars that they do."
Finally, Coriolanus spoke up, voice low and gruff. "And why is that, Illia?"
She stood to her feet and let them carry her to them. She sighed lightly and brought her hands to his chest. Coriolanus flinched. Her fingers danced along the color of his button-up and she pretended to straighten it. "If you don't, I'll let everyone know how their beloved president of Panem has no issue dragging his wife through filfth behind closed doors. I will become your worst nightmare, Coriolanus Snow."
She brought her lips to his ear. "If you think you'll have me, an educated and beautiful woman by your side, you will earn it. if not, I'll watch you burn. Choose wisely, Mr. Snow. I hope I made myself clear."
Illia turned on her heels and crawled back into bed with her book. Coriolanus was rigid as a statue, paralyzed with shock and a small ounce of fear. Would she really do such a thing? Coriolanus took a deep breath and began walking out of the bedroom.
"Close the door behind you!"
Checkmate.
#saturnville#original writing#black!reader#fic inspo#black reader#coriolanus snow x black reader#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus snow#coriolanus snow x reader#thg#the hunger games#tbosas#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tigris snow#lucy gray baird#sejanus plinth#coriolanus snow x illia snow by saturnville
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bangchan boyfriend headcanons
genre: fluff
word count: 0.8k
warnings: none
requested?: yes
song rec: my universe - coldplay, bts
author's notes: in honour of chan day, here is some bangchan bf headcanons. i may or may not have cried whilst writing this. i just love him so much ;-; anyways, i really hope you enjoy this one! happy chan day <333
guys...
oh my gosh i can't breathe-
okay, okay
i don't think you understand how much this guy means to me. this guy. the most beautiful, gentle, gorgeous man in the whole world. this person who's very existence is why i am still here today. bangchan. bang christopher chan. chrissy boi
however has the privilege of dating this one should know that they are the luckiest person in the whole wide world
bangchan as a boyfriend? he puts his all into the relationship. being the leader of stray kids has taught him many things: patience, kindness, empathy, compromise, understanding. he is well equipped for any sort of human interaction, if we're being honest. he is also prone to be protective, taking a more caring role is natural for him. as a boyfriend, he will look out for you. make sure you stay out of harms way, protect you from the press, sasaengs, paparazzi, toxic fans, idols, anyone who hurts your feelings, your reputation, your image.
you are like the kids in the sense that you become chan's top priority.
speaking of the kids, you will have to get on well with them. the other members as so important to chan because they are essentially his family. so getting along with them is a must and non-negotiable, tbh
and they welcome you with open arms, anyway, seeing how happy you. make chan. you all end up being one big happy family, its lovely
but it's baffling, really. because at first, chan was a bit concerned that being in a relationship would be extremely difficult because of his tight schedule
and, much like i said with hongjoong, he's a quality time guy. he craves a one-on-one connection with someone, to really get to know them well and to understand their thoughts, feelings, and opinions. which is hard because he literally has no time at all. but somehow, magically, he manages. and much better than he thought he would
and it's because he absolutely thrives in a relationship. he finally has someone to commit to. something to look forward to. something that give shis life a new meaning. a brighter joy that he has never quite experienced before. sure, he's living his dream, but it's not easy. his life is hectic and tough and crazy and busy and lonely. and therefore he values, much more deeply than others, the feeling of companionship
to love and to be loved. that's what he desires the most. that's what he needs
because this man has so much love to give. he will hold you close to him and never ever let you go
cuddles are a necessity! he's very physically affectionate and essentially wants to be close to you in any way. he doesn't even care if he's the big spoon or little spoon. if he's. a big spoon, he feels like he is protecting you and it feels so good holding you close in his arms. but if he's the little spoon, he would feel so safe and loved and cherished as you hold him tight. he lives for any type of cuddles <3
overall, being in a relationship with chan would be extremely important for him for one key reason: you make him feel like he is at home. he finds himself being so comfortable around you; he is free to be himself, with no judgement. he feels safe with you. that's something he can never deny. you are his best friend, his family, his soulmate. a massive part of his life. he never underestimates how much you mean to him. and he never takes you for granted. not once.
dates with him would include:
studio dates - yes, i know, how predictable. the usual setting of every chan fic out there, i get it, i get it. but he loves it when you're at the studio with him. sometimes you guys work together, just quiet and enjoying each others comfortable company, ordering takeaway food at midnight, falling to sleep together in the early hours of the morning. or you guys just mess around and get like zero work done. either way, he loves it
binge-watching - he counts this as a date. he wants nothing more than after a long day working at the studio, coming home to you snuggling up in his arms in his bed while he puts on a movie or anime or tv show you guys have been watching. it's one of his favourite moments ever. it makes him feel so warm and happy
fireworks display - kinda cliché but also totally his vibe. i think he's watched so many anime with romance fireworks scenes that he's just like 'yep, we have to do this.' and it's breathtaking how perfect it all is. a beautiful moment shared with a beautiful man
i hope chan chooses happiness, above all else <3
#bang chan#bangchan#chan#stray kids#skz#kpop#requested#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#skz imagines#stray kids reactions#stray kids imagines#skz headcanons#skz fluff#skz scenarios#stray kids fluff#stray kids scenarios#stray kids headcanons#kpop fluff#kpop headcanons#fluff#sfw#headcanons
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@echoweaver
Figured I'd do this this way instead of adding to the comment pile. :) I should've made a separate post with my whining, but…meh. What's done is done.
But yeah, not so much "medical drama" as just…stuff. I had a liver transplant in September. I haven't specifically talked much about it here because...I don't know. I guess I thought if I didn't talk about it it would be less...I don't want to say "depressing," because I'm not depressed, and I don't want to conflate being temporarily down in the dumps with depression. Maybe "difficult" is the right word.
Anyway...I've needed a transplant for about 10 years, my original having been badly damaged by asymptomatic hepatitis C that I unknowingly had, until the damage started making me really sick. I probably originally contracted it from a blood transfusion I had in the 80s, before they tested donated blood for Hep C. Medication as well as a special diet and supplements helped with the symptoms of a failing liver for a while, but this past spring things started to go downhill more quickly and the meds, etc. weren't helping as much.
I had a matching living donor, a relative of my husband's, who wanted to do it and who was finally approved for it. (She'd been deemed too young before.) And I was at the point of, "Do it now or else you won't be healthy enough later to survive the surgery/recovery." So, I did it. And like I said, I know it will be good in the long run, but right now it just kind of sucks. (Though it is nice to be not quite so yellow. I actually have eye whites now, yay! And I look less like a character from The Simpsons. Also also, I can legitimately say that I'm part Mexican now. LOL )
I'll spare you/everyone the gorier details, but I spent almost three weeks (as opposed to the one-week-or-so that's normal for transplants) in the ICU due to rejection issues (which is why my immunosuppressant dose was very high), and then once finally released I was under a "no contact" rule. As in, no contact with anyone but my husband, who was also not allowed contact with other people or else he wouldn't be allowed contact with me. (Thank goodness DoorDash exists now or I don't know what we would have done for food.) The only time I could leave this place was to go directly to a car to be driven directly to a doctor's office where they have a special process/set-up for people in my situation, and it's just nuts. People who went batty during covid lockdowns had it easy compared to this.
So it's been….rough. I don't really care about not being able to see people so much, frankly, but I do not like being cooped up inside. My latent claustrophobia has become not-so-latent of late. At home, I can sit out on the deck or I can wander about or ride my horse for miles in the wilderness without seeing another soul, but not here in a city. Cities suck. If I'd had more time to arrange things I would've at least rented a place with a patio/balcony, but since it was very short-notice, what we have is the best we could get, and it's not very good.
The good news is it's getting better. My immunosuppressant dosages are being lowered and I have no signs of rejection yet, so… *fingers crossed* And I'm down to twice-a-week appointments instead of literally every weekday. So, as of this past Friday I'm now allowed incidental contact, which means I can walk the streets or be at outdoor venues if I stay away from people, especially children (because they go to day care/school and tend to carry all sorts of interesting illnesses), as much as possible, but I can't be indoors for long periods with lots of people, so no stores, movie theaters, restaurants, etc. But this is why we're considering a zoo trip tomorrow. My doctors probably would consider it more than "incidental contact," but at least it's outdoors, close by, and it shouldn't be too crowded since it's winter and the kids aren't out of school for Christmas yet. They also have wheelchair or scooter rentals, so I don't have to walk the whole thing, and I would just be happy to be out in an environment other than a doctor's office for a day. So, I'm pretty sure we're going to do it. Because fuck it.
But anyway. Yeah, I'm trying to be more active online. It was hard for a while because with a giant healing abdominal incision and bruised-up everything, sitting up for long periods of time was a no-go, but I'm doing much better on that front. I've actually been playing No Man's Sky more than Sims, just because it's a space exploration game that makes me feel more like I'm "out there" than Sims does. But, I'm also trying to get back into the simblr momentum. I want to get back to playing the Random Legacy I started, because I can post about that more easily than the weird-o saves I usually play. LOL It's just hard to feel motivated right now, I guess. But we'll get there.
And you know what? For a movie that's supposed to be a comedy, Lilo & Stitch makes me bawl my eyes out. And that scene that I quoted is the "worst" in that regard. But it's still one of my favorite movies. :)
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pile 1 | pile 2
pile 3 | pile 4
𝙥𝙖𝙘: 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙪𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙨
hello everyone! welcome to this reading! today we're going to talk about your future studies (you can set the timeline yourself, e.g. one year from now, six months, etc.). the sections of the reading will be as follows:
1. a general overview
2. what you should focus on
3. extra activities
4. (for college / future college students) what should your major be?
take a deep breath and focus on your goals or studies. then, pick a pile intuitively.
! for entertainment purposes only!
! constructive criticism and feedback are welcome!
! decks used: rider waite tarot deck, mermaid tarot, astrological oracle cards, the universe has your back oracle deck!
pile 1
1. general overview
(cards: ten of pentacles, seven of swords rx, queen of wands x2, the chariot, two of pentacles, the star)
hello, pile 1! wow, right off the bat you guys are giving me such boss energy. let me start by saying your future studies will be great, okay? you may have fire in your chart, with the queen of wands, but either way, i just see you living it up. having a stable routine, chasing after your goals, making sure you are putting effort into what you do, and getting recognition for it! it honestly surprises me because it seems like you're enjoying it very much (and, as a person going through finals rn, i can not relate). whether you're starting a new school year or a new semester, i see you going in with a whole new flare. just be careful of someone trying to steal your credit, or copying off your notes. definitely make sure you are being credited for your work, and start standing up for yourself!
2. what you should focus on
(cards: saturnus, capricorn, taurus, king of pentacles rx, four of swords)
now pile 1, the biggest message i see here is have! a! schedule! that matches your rhythm and what you want to achieve, but at the same time, take breaks. for as long as you need to. humans weren't made for hustle culture, love, we were made to hunt once a day and then bask in the sunlight until the sun goes down. you can't control what your body needs, so try to accommodate it by taking breaks, making sure you're having fun and nurturing yourself, having a nice diet and drinking water. overworking yourself will only lead to exhaustion and that never ends well for anybody. remember what j-hope said: a professional should also know how to pace themselves!
3. extra activities
(cards: the star rx, ace of pentacles, five of swords, "when i learn to love i am led", the universe works fast when I'm having fun!")
i think taking up some extra activities that you enjoy will really help you on your journey, pile 1. whether that is sports, art, volunteering, doing something that makes you feel good inside and breaks from your continuous studying will help lots! if you're one of those people who feel guilty if they aren't on their feet, try to pick up a job or so something you enjoy that will bring you profit. no matter what, don't get too drunk on your academic glory, or you may risk getting hurt. again, overworking yourself isn't sexy, darling. learn to love doing things other than studying, or things that will bring you satisfaction, and a proud smile. don't really seek approval from others, just try to focus on what you like to spend time on, and what makes you happy.
4. what should your college major be?
(cards: scorpio, gemini, cancer, four of swords, queen of wands, king of wands)
well, pile 1. you can do pretty much anything lol. like, if you have the drive and passion for it, you can do it even if it's something as difficult as becoming an astronaut or working for nasa. however, if i have to narrow it down, being a detective or a private investigator popped in my head first. somewhere where you can use your intellect, intuition, and knowledge of human relationships. you could also do great in marketing and advertisement, culinary school, interior design, dance, any kind of sport, and writing. i don't think the key here is what you should study, but more so what you want to study. what fills you with excitement and makes you all jittery. choose that, no matter what. also don't be afraid to put yourself out there, especially if you want to perform! I'm sure you will go far.
thank you for reading <3
pile 2
1. general overview
(cards: knight of cups rx, two of pentacles, the star rx, seven of swords rx, four of cups rx, the world rx, knight of cups rx)
hello, pile 2! are you doing alright? i feel like your future studies will find you or will lead you to not be in the best place, emotionally especially. maybe you feel overworked and burnt out, or you have other issues affecting your mental health. whatever this may be, it's causing you to feel like you're losing balance, or like your wishes are not coming true the way you want them to be. I'm also sensing that for some of you, this is the period when you're graduating and you feel the weight of other people's expectations and your workload a lot more than before. for some, you may have envisioned life to be going differently by that time and you'll be too consumed over "what if"s. even if the cards don't say so, please remember to take care of yourself first, because if you lose yourself you really will have nothing left.
2. what you should focus on
(cards: aquarius, mars, virgo, knight of wands rx, knight of swords)
definitely try to get your mid off whatever is burdening you by doing something creative. i sense you have a sensitive soul, no matter what you show people, so please try to nurture that! i heard reforming clothes, but anything creative will do! definitely pick up something that doesn't overwhelm you and helps you focus on more positive thoughts / restores your drive to do things. staying active can also be very helpful, so if performing is something you enjoy, find a way to do that as well. you guys need to help your mind relax, so please focus on something that doesn't overstimulate your senses, and maybe even helps you relax. organising / cleaning your space could also help lots.
3. extra activities
(cards: page of swords, five of wands rx, the lovers, "i create mindful moments throughout the day, reminding myself that i am love and miracles are natural", "in any moment i can surrender to the powerful presence of love through prayer, contemplation, and stillness.", "my faith has the power to turn trauma into healing, conflict into growth, and fear into love.")
with the last card you guys got, i think you may have some trauma caused by a parental figure that made you believe you or your efforts aren't good enough. while working through resolving that, and its effect on your academics, i think doing activities that boost your confidence will help you find your way. something that is far away from any toxic environment, maybe even frowned upon by your close circle. if you are religious or feel comfortable, prayer and meditation could help you ease your mind and get rid of any negative thoughts. if you are carrying guilt with you, please remember to take some time to be as imperfect as you can, without thinking that you're wasting time or doing something unproductive. I'm thinking of something creative, like painting or dance, but you can apply to your situation and what you enjoy doing. make sure you feel good while doing it, and if you don't right away, fake it till you make it. i believe in you, pile 2!
4. what should your college major be?
(capricorn, cancer, leo, king of swords, page of cups, six of wands)
no matter what you choose, i feel like you guys will make it big. like. leo and the six of swords? come ON! whether you want to study management, law, psychology, anthropology, interior design, or cooking, i see you excelling at it, both while in college and after it. if you want something more showy, follow it! anything in front of the camera or on stage suits you very well! and don't be afraid to show it off, too! also, if you feel like starting a business without going to college, seriously consider it, because it has the potential to be extremely fruitful. i just have this image of a really big office, and you running the place. we are working on the cancer - capricorn axis, so whether you have these signs in your chart or you're meant to be a corporate sentimentalist (that's not a word, ik), you are destined to succeed. dont stand in your own way and go for it!
thank you for reading <3
pile 3
1. general overview
(cards: wheel of fortune rx, the star, ace of swords rx, the star rx, five of swords, ace of swords rx)
hello, pile 3! i feel like your future studies will help you on your self discovery journey. there is a lot of the same cards shown both in the upright and reversed for you, and with the wheel of fortune it feels like a choose your path game. plato's allegory of the cave popped up in my head as well. you're working hard but it seems like you don't have one set direction, and there is a lot of paths you want to pursue. i genuinely don't feel like this energy is heavy as much as it is confusing. "there's so much i want to do, but so little time" vibes. and, if we go back to plato, maybe you have this blind belief that you're meant to follow one path academically, only to realise that your heart wants something else, or you're just really good at something different than what you're planning to pursue. i vote you give that a shot, when the time comes.
2. what you should focus on
(cards: luna, pisces, uranus, the star rx, page of swords rx)
are you guys pisces? there's no way the star keeps popping up so much. do you want to be an astrologer? an astronomer? an astrophysicist? like what's going on!? anyway, i think you should focus on spirituality, and especially your intuition. not only is it going to help you find out what it is that you should pursue, it's a pleasant break from studying and / or being around lots of people for a long time. if you practice witchcraft, do so mostly during the nighttime, work on your moon phases rituals and maybe collect some moon water. also, accept the fact that everyone's path in life is different. yours doesn't have to look like anyone else's. something you should focus on is understanding that, though probably unconventional, your path is valid and, most importantly, yours.
3. extra activities
(cards: page of wands rx, eight of cups rx, queen of pentacles, "hope is the conduct for mirracles", "there is a stream of love supporting my dreams")
save up. that's it lol. seriously, though, if you've gotten used to going out, or spending your money mindlessly, i think it's time you start rethinking your way of living. by no means should you stop having fun just so you can save money, however cutting down some of it could do wonders. your dreams, while supported 100% by the universe, also need financial support to exist. whether that is for materials, classes, auditions or productions, you're going to have to spend some amount of money to succeed. and, if you believe you can, you will succeed. there's support overflowing around you, from your spirit guides or the people in your circle. being able to manage your time and keep organised will also help you so much. you've got this, pile 3!
4. what should your college major be?
(cards: scorpio, leo, gemini, uranus, strength, four of pentacles)
i don't know if it's a major, but genuinely consider astrology. with scorpio here i can't help but take the joke seriously. other than that, strength fell on the leo card, so something that puts you in the spotlight is great. make up artist and stylists also sound nice. other than that, mathematics, chemistry and physics (astrophysics, if you will) could definitely be your cup of tea. i actually don't know much about what majors you can have from them, but you get the point, I'm sure. whatever it is, i see you guys getting good money from it. good for you. don't be afraid to put yourself out there! especially if you're a singer that writes their own lyrics, or a dancer who choreographs their dances! you deserve to be seen, either way. good luck, darling <3
thank you for reading <3
pile 4
1. general overview
(cards: seven of cups, the world, ace of cups rx, three of pentacles, four of cups rx, six of cups)
hello, pile 4! you guys seem to be networking! you will be having so many opportunities and doors opening up in front of you, and you'll possibly accomplish that by hanging around important people. if that's not the case, then your communication and cooperation with the people around you is going to be great. you may be struggling to pick a major or choose which path you want to follow. my advice for that is to look back at what you loved as a child, especially if you had a dream job for a while. figure out why that was your dream, and what that means for you now in case you have tried to move past it or burry it deep inside you. nothing is impossible, pile 4! you're holding the world in your hands and you will achieve anything you want, as long as you make the conscious effort to chase it.
2. what you should focus on
(cards: cancer, scorpio, virgo, seven of swords rx, knight of wands)
there's a lot of orange in the cards, so maybe wearing orange or being around something orange is something you'll need to focus on? probably during your finals or other exams. definitely nurture your emotional state, though. you have grown so much in such a short period of time, and what people knew or know of you will just not align with who you'll have become. and that's okay, you don't owe anyone anything. listen to your intuition and gut feeling, also claresentience? is that how you spell it? you might be getting downloads in the form of sensations on your body, or emotions. please don't ignore them! there's also a message of you going after what makes you feel the most like yourself, no matter what. take care of your health, too. no degree or certificate should come at the cost of your health.
3. extra activities
(cards: king of cups rx, queen of pentacles rx, seven of wands rx, "when i focus on my inner light i see the world through the lens of love.", "the moment i realign with love, clear direction is presented to me.")
i think you'll be working on a special, personal project that nobody will really know about? i don't think you're even letting me see what it is, which is acceptable and valid. whatever it is you'll be doing, please try to be patient with it and watch it grow. instant gratification isn't always the way to go, some things just take their time to flourish and show how great they can be. maybe you're working on healing some trauma, or trying to find what you really want to do in life. love seems to be a keyword. if this is you embarking on a self love journey, remember that neither that, nor recovery is linear. it goes through phases, and though it could frustrate you because it messes with your studies or schedule, always put yourself first and you won't regret it.
4. what should your major be?
(cards: leo, scorpio, capricorn, the emperor rx, two of wands, three of wands rx)
you may need to move countries or go to a different area to pursue your dream major. or maybe it requires lots of planning and travelling. tourism could be great for you guys, advertisement, acting, modelling, law, psychology, anything in which you can be innovative and you can have your ideas heard and respected. I'm not seeing something with a clear hierarchy, though, like management, or any company work. it seems more free and exciting. you may be studying somewhere where it's warm or there are lots of sandy areas. ancient egypt popped up, also? maybe an archaeologist that specialises in that, which instantly sounds super cool! biologist also keeps coming up in my head, but i have zero experience in the field, i wish i could specify it more for you guys. also if you're thinking of pursuing something related to the occult instead, i see it being quite fitting for you! I'm sure that whatever you decide on, you're going to succeed, pile 4!
thank you for reading!
! don't copy or repost my work !
#pac#tarot#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot reading#astrology#college#{🌱 pick a card 🌱}#kpop#ateez#hongjoong#seonghwa#yunho#wooyoung
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Are y'all excited for nightbringer
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: Yes with...reservations. We think. We think we're excited?
(spoilers for Season 4)
We haven't been too active for a bit and thus we never did jot down all our thoughts about how Season 4 panned out in Obey Me, but the simple summary is: they dropped the ball.
Now, not everything in Season 4 was a waste -- we did defend Lesson 70 back when it released, and there were some other nice nuggets of information throughout those twenty lessons. We met new characters, finally got the Simeon reveal (if a bit anticlimactically), and MC became the first official non-demon member of the RAD student council, which, as a reminder, is the governing body of the entire Devildom, so that's a pretty big deal.
However, Season 3 had a relatively flat writing progression with not much of a climax, all in service to setting up a bunch of things in Season 4, and many of those things were then...not used well, to the say the least.
Raphael was built up to be an antagonistic character, but we kind of got a wet mop instead. Season 3 also made a big deal about MC needing to become a trained sorcerer and how difficult something like teleportation and summoning would be, but teleportation is learned basically immediately, and summoning Lucifer, the most powerful of the demon brothers, across realms, on the first try, is highlighted for all of about ten seconds and then never really talked about again.
They built up Simeon's situation for almost all of both seasons combined, but rather than actually becoming a "fallen angel" (aka demon), it's revealed as simply "not having angel powers anymore" and only properly clarified later that he's now "human" -- which we still have a million questions about, because it has been fairly well established that angel physiology is much closer to demons and far different than that of humans, so what does that actually even mean? Even within Season 4 itself, Mephistopheles is first introduced as somewhat hostile to MC and non-demons at large, but he too is reduced to little more than another comedic fool by halfway through.
So, suffice it to say, we don't presently hold the highest opinions of the OM writing team...
With the little we've seen of Nightbringer so far, we are already seeing a bit of possible retconning -- for example, RAD not existing before the Celestial War, when lore wise it did exist and is discussed in Lucifer's base UR card Devilgram, The Glory Days. But with everything we've said here, we can't really be surprised that Solmare seems to constantly forget their own lore. So, how much more will be retconned in Nightbringer? Who knows!
The devs also just did an AMA, which confirms that they will not be continuing the main story in the OG Obey Me game, but instead eventually continuing it in Nightbringer. How they're going to connect the story which involves MC going back in time disguised as a demon to where they left off at the end of Season 4 is a mystery, but we'll find out soon enough...hopefully.
Also, we worry that seeing the characters fresh from the Celestial War might very well increase misinterpretations in the fandom when it comes to the characters. No offense to most of the fandom but, uh, we don't think the Seven Demon Lords of Hell from actual demonology need to be treated as angsty precious meow meows that need to become angels again to ~heal~ them. The excessive woobification we sometimes see of these characters is, hmm, not quite to our taste, and a big reason we keep to our own little corner. <3
But, all that said, that deep desire of ours to see OM actually embrace its demonic backdrop and the much darker world it has been suggesting forever, is exactly what we're excited for in the new game! The art and plot they've shared so far is right up our alley, and we're at least minimally hopeful for the seeming return to darker content that they've been avoiding since the initial backlash in the game's early days.
The opening animation is beautiful and the prologue video they've shared is interesting (more Barbatos lore?? More Barbatos lore!! More Solomon lore???). We're hoping that we'll get more fleshed out history on both the characters and the world, especially if we'll be learning more about the Great Celestial War and the aftermath, including the creation of Satan. It'll be interesting to see (or at least, we hope we'll see) the character progression of the immediate post-fall angels suffering the grief of their transformation and loss of their home, to coming to accept their new lives as demons even if we're not thrilled that it's probably MC coming to the past to play family therapist yet again.
And the Ruri Tunes demo was pretty cute back when they did that one-stage beta, so that should be fun? Even if, thematically, a rhythm game seems maybe like a bit of a strange choice for the darker direction this story is taking...but then again, dance battles were kind of weird thematically in the first place anyway.
We'll also finally get a canon layout of the House of Lamentation, so if nothing else we'll at least have that? Please confirm there's more than just one bathroom.
#did you miss us and our absurdly long answers to simple questions?? of course you did.#anyway as you can tell we may not have posted much here but this game still has a hold on us lolol#also sorry that we're a lil mean to the fandom in this oops#you'll hear plenty more from us once the game is out (which is very soon!!)#obey me nightbringer#obey me#obey me!#obey me swd#obey me shall we date#omswd#ask and ye shall be answered#ask and ye shall receive (essays)
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present day brocedes r like we need to have a carefully planned out casual threesome to prove we're ready to be parents (the step before Lewis joins the coparenting with Nico and Vivian)
cause if u can't even take care of a third person without it getting messy howre u gonna handle christmas in monaco new years in LA
Ok I am seriously thinking about the logistics of mick/lewis/nico fic and... on one hand the easiest way to make it work is if the mick/nico/lewis is just a transient thing on the way to a nico/lewis endgame. BUT in my mind I have set up a nico/lewis that are actually functional and mindful of other people (insane thing to consider). So YES as per usual you are right and a giant genius BUT on the other hand if I were to do mick/lewis/nico I would want the relationship to be travelling towards its own endgame. The problem of course is that I cannot imagine what that endgame would like like because mick/lewis/nico has no precedent or canon that I can work with...
ALSO (under the cut because this is only kind of related), now that I'm on my brocedes in 2023 soapbox, I want to talk about one of the main obstacles to brocedes endgame (at least as I see it).
Lewis has expressed a strong desire to HAVE KIDS. And RAISE HIS FAMILY IN THE HOUSE IN COLORADO. Nico on the other hand has already had two children who are installed in Monaco, and for the sake of brocedes endgame he must be a GOOD FATHER. If Lewis values family, there is no way that he (as he is now) could justify being with a Nico that is a negligent father. So okay. Lewis wants to have kids. Nico already has kids. There is no mpreg in this universe (sorry everyone). There are a few solutions that each have their own merits and weaknesses.
Lewis becomes a co-parent of Nico's children with Vivian
Lewis and Nico adopt* children together
Lewis adopts* children on his own
Lewis does not become a parent
*Or surrogacy etc.
Solution 4 is sad (to me). Of course there is nothing wrong with never having children--but Lewis seems to want to have children. Also it means putting Nico above his own aspirations, which is against the point of a thoughtful brocedes endgame.
Solution 3 is something that I just thought of and which makes the most sense to me--and it also means that Lewis's relationship with his children and ability to parent are somewhat separated from Nico--which might be easier for a number of reasons. Lewis comes from a blended family himself, so this might appeal to him too. At the same time, when I think of brocedes I think of a HUGE GIGANTIC LOVE. Love that makes you want to do everything together all of the time. So I think they would both be involved in the parenting of Lewis's kid. The problem here, which is also the problem with solution 2, is... does Nico want more kids?
Solution 2 is idyllic... but as I mentioned it is not clear whether Nico wants more children. He said in the past that he wanted a "football team" of kids, but he seems to have stopped with two. Also his daughters are still reasonably young--and if we imagine that he and Vivian have a strong relationship post divorce, it seems problematic for him to suddenly have more children who require more care if he is also going to continue parenting his existing children. It could be done but it would be a decision that would also depend on Vivian in my mind!
Solution 1 is the most intuitive and yet it faces similar problems to solution 2. Vivian would have to be involved. Nico cannot simply offer his children to Lewis. And the Lewis & Vivian relationship that would have to exist is very difficult for me to imagine. I suppose that they know each other to some degree already but it is still tough for me to work out... Also logistically can same-sex couples adopt in Monaco? Would it be possible (in a social sense) to raise children as a same-sex couple in Monaco? Would Nico leave Monaco (and Vivian and his existing children) for Lewis? (Probably not.)
The final thing that I want to say about brocedes endgame--especially because I imagine it from Lewis's point of view--is that I am very careful to avoid creating situations that stick either of them in a permanent position of advantage. The various advantages that either of them have held (we are talking about race and class issues as well as advantage on track) have been the factors that have created the problems with brocedes in the past... and in order for brocedes endgame to work there needs to be a space where both can be/become themselves without bending to the other's advantage.
OK I'M DONE LOL!!! I did very much enjoy thinking about this although it is barely what Misa asked about.
#there is an essay about brocedes endgame and having kids under the cut that i wrote instead of accomplishing real life tasks#back on my brocedes in 2023 bullshit#asks
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Maybe a monster
Pairing: Simon Petrikov/Betty Grof
Simon Petrikov & Marceline
Summary: Simon stood in the corner of the cold, sterile room, tears silently streaming down his face. He felt like a monster, he didn't want to hurt anyone. All he wanted was for the gnawing hunger to go away. He knew he didn't think clearly in those moments, his instincts taking over, but the guilt and despair he felt were overwhelming. He exhaled sharply, the rush of emotions making his head hurt.
Warnings: OKAY GUYS TW!!
This chapter will contain stabbing, a lot of blood and a person’s death. Please do not read it if you can’t handle this kind of things.
Noah led Betty into a small, dimly lit room, where he offered her a cup of coffee. Betty didn't take it, and her hesitation was clear and Noah understood her unease and set the coffee aside. Betty finally voiced the question that had been nagging at her since she discovered Noah's true identity. "So you aren't a librarian?"
Noah chuckled softly, "If somebody asks, I am one. Not a vampire hunter. We maintain a low profile for a reason."
Betty couldn't help but scoff at the absurdity of it all and asked, "Since when are you even doing this?"
Noah sighed and began to explain, "Not long after I finished high school. My whole family were vampire hunters. It's a legacy I couldn't escape, and when I saw the darkness that vampires could bring, I decided to follow in their footsteps. It's a life filled with risks, but it's the only way we can keep people safe from these supernatural threats."
Betty blinked in surprise, but decided to drop the subject since her mind was solely focused on Simon.
Betty couldn't ignore the pressing matter any longer. "So about Simon..." she began, her voice laced with concern. "Why is he exactly held here?"
Noah inhaled sharply, knowing that this conversation was inevitable. "We call them newborns vampires, as you heard my superior call Simon. They are harder to manage, and it's more difficult for them to control their instincts. It's essential that he doesn't gain a taste for human blood, so he doesn't become dangerous."
Betty's eyes widened at the implication, and she asked with trepidation, "Did he... did he kill someone?”
Noah hesitated but then lied, "No, he didn't. But he did bite someone, and it takes some time to make him actually like animal blood."
Betty's eyes bore into Noah's as she pressed further. "But he's not held here just for that, right?"
Noah knew that it wasn’t really time to share more of the complex truth, even if it might raise more questions than answers. "Well, no. Look, Betty, it's complicated."
Betty leaned in her chair, determination and curiosity etched on her face. "I've got nothing but time," she said, her unwavering commitment to understanding Simon's situation shining through.
Noah sighed and continued, "The problem with turned vampires is that they could lose their humanity."
Betty furrowed her brow in confusion. "What do you mean?”
Noah continued, "The ones that are born as vampires are born with their nature, so they don't lose their humanity because they were supposed to be vampires. However, when a human is turned into a vampire, it becomes more complicated because they weren't originally meant to be one. It's a constant struggle for them to maintain their human side, and it's why we have to be so careful with Simon right now."
“I don’t—“
Noah's expression turned more serious as he interrupted her, "At some point, turned vampires can even lose or turn off their emotions. It's a side effect of the transformation, and it's one of the reasons why we're so vigilant in keeping them from going down that path.”
Betty leaned forward, her curiosity piqued. "So what are these vampires even called?"
“Rippers. Unlike the average vampire, the enjoyment of hunting and terrorizing humans are far more entertaining to rippers, as they destroy the lives and sever the limbs of humans without hesitation or remorse.”
Betty's eyes widened with concern as she asked, "So they like to kill?"
Noah let out a bitter scoff. "They adore it. And that's the scary part, isn't it?”
Simon found himself in that stark, white room, illuminated by harsh fluorescent lights again, his gaze fixated on his trembling hands. He barely looked up when the woman entered, along with a guard. The woman's voice pierced the silence.
"When was your last meal?" she asked as usual, a hint of cruelty in her tone.
Simon's voice was barely a whisper as he replied, "Yesterday."
The woman chuckled in a chilling manner. "Perfect."
With a cold and calculated motion, she took a knife and Simon already knew what was coming. She needed him to be more vulnerable since vampires relied on blood to heal. Simon didn’t move as needle-sharp bolts shot through his ribs, his teeth clenching so hard his jaw ached. His body trembled and sweat dripped down his forehead as he groaned. When he inhaled, another flash of pain had him seeing double as his head throbbed and his abdomen felt like it had been cut in two. Maybe it was. He was clutching his injured side as his vision blackened a bit and waves of agony seared through his body again.
The woman then turned to the guard, took his palm, and made a deep cut, blood dripping onto the pristine white floor. She watched Simon's reaction closely. In the past, he would have attacked immediately, but this time, he was holding his injured side, breathing heavily, his claws extended, fangs exposed, and his eyes glowing red.
The woman asked again, "Do you want to drink from him?"
Simon grunted through clenched teeth, his self-control impressive given the circumstances. "..No."
The woman's voice was taunting as she leaned closer to Simon, taking the hand of the guard in hers. She asked once more, "Are you sure?"
Simon closed his eyes, the scent of the guard's blood making his mouth water, but he fought against his instincts and replied with effort, "I'm sure."
The woman smirked and instructed the guard to leave. Another guard entered the room, holding a bag of animal blood. He threw it in Simon's direction, and in a heartbeat, the vampire in him took over. Simon seized the bag and, like a wild animal, pierced it with his fangs, drinking the blood in a frenzy. Once he had drained the bag, he heard the woman's voice, dripping with sarcasm. "I was going to say well done, but you're still feral Petrikov.”
Simon, overwhelmed with frustration and anger, insulted her “чертова шлюха” his words sharp and biting. However, the woman simply raised an eyebrow, showing no reaction to his outburst.
She turned to leave the room, her words cold and calculated. "I'm doing this for you to get better. We don't want you to try to put them back together again, the pieces of that human, I mean."
Simon snapped in protest, "That's not what happened."
But the woman just chuckled and locked the door with a simple touch of her finger, leaving Simon in the sterile room, alone with his thoughts again. That’s not what happened.
His throat burned with thirst, hunger was like an intrusive thought: something unpleasant, unwelcome and involuntary for a newly turned vampire which invaded his mind again and again.
There was a tipsy man and he sensed something behind him the moment Simon descended to the sidewalk. He whirled around in confusion and alarm. He was scared, and his mind craved to know what danger had seemingly fallen from the sky.
Then he spotted Simon’s full body silhouette, by now, he was panicking. His hands were trembling and his heart was pounding as he started to jog. After a while, when nothing more happened, the man slowed down to a walk. Just as he thought maybe he'd imagined those things. Suddenly, there was a chuckle from behind him.
He turned around to see a tall man smirking at him. He had long, black hair and, he was horrified to see, dangerous, blood red eyes.
Simon cocked his head to the side and studied the man.
“Fuck off man!" He whirled around in the other direction and ran as fast as he could.
The man looked back to see where Simon was and saw no one. He thought he had lost him but as he turned around, there Simon stood, about three metres in front of him. Suddenly an ice-cold hand gripped his shoulder and pushed him into the alley’s wall.
Simon slammed the man's face against the trunk of the tree, crushing the man's nose that it broke and blood dripped everywhere. Simon spun him around to face him and pushed his back into the tree. The man looked up at Simon and saw a hungry glint in his eye.
“Please let me go!” He pleaded. Simon didn’t care, the scent of blood was all too consuming. Instead he opened his mouth to reveal two sharp, white fangs. The man screamed and Simon grabbed his hair and pulled the man's head back, exposing his neck. Simon then leaned in, the man cried out for help as agonising pain punctured his carotids.
Simon’s first victim took a deep, rib-cracking breath and howled out, "Help! Somebody please!"
There was nothing but silence to greet his cries.
Simon groaned as his thirst was quenched while the man began to limp. What remained of his humanity stopped him from sucking the man dry. Simon stepped back when he regained his senses but it was mostly guilt.
He ran back to the man and applied pressure on his neck to stop the bleeding, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."
Simon stood in the corner of the cold, sterile room, tears silently streaming down his face. He felt like a monster, he didn't want to hurt anyone. All he wanted was for the gnawing hunger to go away. He knew he didn't think clearly in those moments, his instincts taking over, but the guilt and despair he felt were overwhelming. He exhaled sharply, the rush of emotions making his head hurt.
His body was fully healed, from the injuries he had sustained, and he could feel the strength returning to his limbs, but his mind felt broken. Simon leaned his head against the cold, white wall, finding a fleeting moment of respite.
Simon allowed himself to believe, even if just for a moment, that everything was going to be okay. He desperately clung to that hope.
Notes: Hope you guys enjoyed this lmao 😜 As usual, if you guys have any ideas or want to change something in this chapter I will hear you out. Still trying to make Simon and Betty’s past somehow more angsty (even if we do go a bit far from the canon which I desperately hope you guys don’t mind).
Next chapter will be with Marcy and Simon, but it’s going to take awhile since I have some important tests this week, but after that I’m back at it.😎
Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6/Part 7/Part 8/Part 9/Part 10/?
Masterlist
#vampire simon petrikov#marceline anc simon#marceline and simon#betty and simon#adventure time simon#simon petrikov#simon petrikov x reader#adventure time betty#adventure time fionna#adventure time alternative universe#adventure time#human betty grof#kid marceline#marceline#fiona and cake#fionna and cake#fionna the human#vampire simon petrikov au#petrigrof
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A Quick PSA
Hey guys!
2022 was a hectic year, and 2023 is looking to be stressful in a whole different way. We're doing our best to get the ball rolling again (we love this story!) but it's difficult when we both keep having to take commission work just to keep the lights on.
While we can't really ask for money to support Lonely Hooves specifically, I'm pretty sure we can get away with panhandling other ways, so if you're interested in supporting us (and able - you need to eat too), here's what we've got going on elsewhere:
Kazzie runs character adopts! She does ponies a lot, but has started dabbling with anthros. You can keep up with her present offerings on her ych.art site (there's a couple running right now! They're very cute!)
Meanwhile, Sera (me! hi!) is running an 18+ Patreon where you can get access to a lot of goodies for a couple bucks a month. There's a couple sporadically updated comic things here, but it's mostly pin-ups at the moment, with the exception of my first proper foray into non-comics writing in... quite a long time! If you like the storytelling of Lonely Hooves and don't mind an original setting where things get pretty spicy on a regular basis, the first couple chapters of Witches' Thralls are already live over there, and I'd love to hear what folks think! There's also Hare Moon, an 18+ MLP smutfic comic where Angel turns into some sort of raging werebunny and needs certain needs addressed. Some of that's public, but half of it isn't, and you can find that over here too! And just, like, so many boobies. (Seriously! Over 18 only!!)
I also take commissions but am pretty bogged down at this exact moment. Kaz can do pony ref sheets and all sorts of things though, and her turn-around makes me jealous as hell. your best bet to get in touch with us about that kind of thing is probably the community Discord, but even if you're not there to throw money at the screen we'd love to have you! We don't bite, usually! Unless... you're into that?? 😳
Okay! That's enough of that for now!
The next page is already sketched, and I'm very excited to finally be sharing this next scene with you all! I hope you all enjoy Muse becoming a bit less of an enigma!
See you soon!
Z (Sera)
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Gengras Subaru Torrington
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If you have any questions at any time, our Subaru dealership's finance and sales staff is here to help. We will take your unique needs and circumstances into account thoroughly before making a final decision. Rest assured, we have exhausted all possible avenues of assistance. You can tailor your loan or lease package to your exact needs by working with us every step of the way, from selecting the essential features to adding on optional extras and warranty choices. We would be eternally grateful if you could help us out. If the opportunity presents itself, I would be privileged to lend you a helping hand. Having that would be my deepest desire. In times of need, you can rely on our unwavering assistance. Our team is here 24/7 to assist you in any way we can. No matter the cost, we will never abandon the side of the downtrodden.
Gengras, keep your self-assurance, and you will achieve your goals. On top of that, a Subaru is on standby 24/7 to provide you a hand. Feel free to reach out to us whenever you need; we're here to help. The kind residents of Torrington have a stellar reputation for helping strangers out when it comes to auto repairs. You can't count on this service being available 24/7. You should get in touch with us whenever you like. Our support staff is available around the clock to assist you with any issues you may encounter. We are unconcerned with the passing of time. Help is accessible, no matter how dire the situation gets. At all hours of the day and night, representatives are here to assist you in locating reliable vendors of premium automotive parts. If you take care of your Subaru as instructed, it should be more than plenty for long trips. We appreciate the opportunity to help you and your family during this difficult time, and Gentrash is here for you. The faith you have shown in us is profoundly appreciated. You and your loved ones have our deepest sympathies during this difficult time. At least eleven different automakers will be present at the show subaru connecticut Three New England states are at the centre of the dispute. You won't find a single state that is even remotely comparable to any of these others. Many of these states do not have representatives in the nation's capital.
Visit the General Motors Chrysler dealership in East Hartford, Connecticut for all of your Volvo requirements. This dealership sells Volvos and other brands, including some more traditional ones. Located in the greater East Hartford area, Gengras Volvo Cars sells Volvo vehicles. You should give this some serious consideration. Gengras Volvo Cars Inc., headquartered in West Springfield, Massachusetts, owns and operates the Dodge Jeep dealership in North Haven, Connecticut. All residents of the wonderful state of Connecticut are welcome to view our inventory and make purchases online. Perhaps there is a vehicle dealership in northern Connecticut. Actually, it is entirely up to you to investigate Connecticut dealership websites on your own. This lot offers used automobiles and is located in central-western Massachusetts. It is, in fact, a BMW, as you will discover from an expert.
According to an old urban legend, the Upper Valley is located near the confluence of the White and Vermont rivers. We need to conduct further research to find a solution to this problem. Additional research is necessary for a comprehensive comprehension. Think of a Honda that doesn't have the proper licence as a 'car' here.
Gengras is well-qualified to boast about the Ford dealership's real estate holdings in Plainville, Connecticut, since he is both the owner and manager of these properties. The proprietor is known as Gengras. Plainville is a town in the U.S. state of New Jersey, in case you were wondering.
Plainville, Connecticut is home to Gengras' Volkswagen dealership, while Torrington is home to Gengras' Subaru outlet. Connecticut is home to each and every one of these dealerships.
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Announcements In Australia
In which Juliette and Max journey to the 2023 Australian GP, Julia's first race of the season, and some big news is shared among their grid family.
The first thing Juliette registers when they get off their jet in Melbourne is how warm it is, she's been to Australia twice now, but she'll never quite get used to it. But, she's here with the love of her life, and a stunning ring on her finger. The proposal was just wonderful, by the fire of their ski chalet in Austria. She had no idea it was coming, but was so excited to say yes. Max has gifted her quite a bit of jewellery since they got together in 2020, but this one definitely takes the cake. As yet, only heir families know about their engagement. Max holds her hand as they enter the main airport, and get their visas checked, as well as getting their stuff checked. ''Nice ring, wedding bells on the horizon?'' The security man asks.
Max nods, beaming with excitement and pride. ''Yeah, we can't wait.'' Juliette says, nodding in agreement. ''We're so happy to be finally doing this, we've known each other for so long.''
They grab their bags, and head out to their rental car. Max opens Julia's door for her like the gentleman he has always been, she gets in and buckles up. Max hops in after her, and they drive off to the hotel together.
After unpacking in their suite, they grab lunch, and head down to the paddock. The race is in five days' time, and already everything is set up to perfection. They walk up to the McLaren garage, Lando instantly perks up to see them. ''Well, if it isn't the best couple on the grid. Wanna do a track walk with us and the Alpha Tauri guys?''
Max nods, and says. ''Yeah, of course.''
Juliette asks her fiance, fiddling with the ring, inspired by Princess Grace's ring. ''Shouldn't we wait for Checo though, amour?''
Daniel joins them, clapping Max on the shoulder, and kissing Julia's cheek like always. ''He doesn't get here until tonight.''
Oscar surfaces from talking to someone, he pegs the glimmering diamonds first. ''Oh, wow, what is that?''
Max decides to take this one himself, kissing Juliette on the head. ''Well, Juliette and I are getting married, we've been engaged since winter break.''
Yuki finally turns up. ''Our very own royal wedding, about time really.'' Juliette laughs. ''Yeah, our inner teenagers are probably jumping for joy right now.''
The group go for their track walk, Albert Park is one of the deceptive tracks, it looks so easy when you look at the track layout, no real inclines or chicanes. But, it's tight, and there are a few spots where things can get difficult. Juliette has went on track walks with Max ever since Hungary 2021, to calm her anxious mind after that God awful Silverstone crash. She'll never forget that day, the day when the world stopped spinning, the days she thought she'd lose him. ''So, no crashes this weekend?'' She anxiously asks.
Max puts his hand on her back, he knows her better than anyone on this Earth does. ''No, liefje, no crashes.'' Juliette nods, leaning into his side as they come back into the pit lane. ''Good, because I'm not marrying anyone else.''
As they return to the hospitality area for some dinner, George and Alex come to join them with Carmen and Lily. Lily clocks the ring, it's kind of hard not to really. ''Oh, my God, good eye for rings, Max.'' George adds. ''Charles just told us.'' Juliette rolls her eyes, of course her brother told them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Media day is on the thursday, so it's interviews, little games with Checo, and the press conference with Zhou, Charles, Oscar, and Fernando. After some questions about the upcoming race, a journalist from Nine News asks Charles and Max. ''For Charles and Max, how are you two feeling about becoming brothers soon? Do you think it'll affect how you race in the future?''
Max takes the question first. ''No, not really, I think we'll be family off track, and rivals on track still. But, yeah, I'm very excited to join the family.''
Charles laughs, agreeing with his future brother-in-law. ''Yeah, it's cool to be combining our families, and I am so happy for Max and Julia, no one deserves this like they do. But, we're still rivals.''
Someone from CNN asks Max. ''Max, just a question about you and Juliette. When did you know she was the one for you?'' Max takes a moment to think back in time, over all his memories of them as friends and as lovers. ''Probably sometime in 2016, I can't describe it, but when you know, you know, I guess. She's just... my everything, and has been for a long time.''
Press over for the day, they go to hang out in hospitality for a while before track review.
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Free practice is on friday, the couple head down to the paddock for breakfast with the others, then go to Max's motorhome so he can get ready for practice. Juliette watches as her fiance changes into his fireproofs, and takes his racing suit from the hanger. So many people online poke fun at Max for his lack of fashion sense while she co-owns a design house. But, as far as she's concerned, this is the sexiest he ever looks. All geared up for the thing he is so good at. Max gets his boots on, and asks her. ''You okay, schatje?''
Juliette snaps from her little reverie. ''Y-yeah, I just got zoned out, that's all.'' Max raises an eyebrow at her, for them this can mean one of two things, so he asks. ''Good zoning out, or bad zoning out?'' Juliette runs her hands up his biceps, his hands locking together at the small of her back. ''Good zoning out.''
Max looks intrigued by that. ''Care to share, Julia?'' Juliette feels her face warming up. ''Just thinking about how hot you always look in your racing gear, that's all.''
Max's head tilts a slight, not taken aback, but surprised. ''Really? My racing gear of all things?''
Juliette flirts, tracing the Tag-Heuer logo on his chest with her index finger. ''Is there anything weird about that, amour?'' Max leans down to kiss her on the lips. ''Absolutely not.''
They head down to the garage, GP briefs Max on some strategy for saturday and sunday, and goes to the pit wall. Max grabs his balaclava and helmet, and kisses his lovely fiancee before heading out to Rocky. Juliette watches his laps on the TV screen, it never gets old, even since his days in Karting and F3, the sensation of watching her man doing what he does better than anyone else does. She turns her engagement ring on her finger, now fully used to the new weight on her left hand, her inner sixteen year old must feel like she fell asleep that sunday night in Barcelona, and all of this is some entirely too tempting dream. But, it's not, and there's so much more to come still. Juliette pulls her sketchbook and pencil case out, and begins designing her wedding dress, and his tuxedo. It's only right that Vita Luxuria dresses their wedding.
Max gets done with FP1, so they have some time between sessions. ''What are you drawing, liefje?''
Juliette smirks, putting her stuff away. ''Something for the wedding, I'll show you the sketches when they're done.''
FP2 is next, Juliette goes to grab something to eat and gets back on with her sketches in the Red Bull Lounge where it's quieter but she can still see the pit stop. After FP3, they head back to his room, and Max quickly showers and changes. They meet up with Checo, who gives Juliette a friendly kiss on the cheek. ''Good to see you, hermanita. Good to have you back.''
Juliette smiles, she's always gotten on really well with Max's team mates, from Carlos to Checo. ''Good to be back, ministro. How are the family?''
Checo says, smiling brightly. ''Good, they'll be with us for Miami.'' Juliette beams. ''Oh, good! I'll be there too! I'm going to: Miami, Monaco, Spain, Austria, Silverstone, and Spa this side of summer.''
Carlos jumps in, hugging Julia from behind. ''You always come to Montmelo, mariposa.''
Juliette says, smoothing down her dress again. ''Well, it is a very important race for us.''
Max says, an idea written across his handsome face. ''Why not rock up to Zandvoort married, schatje? We have almost a month between Spa and Zandvoort, plenty of time, right?'' Juliette nods, he's read her mind again. ''That's exactly what I was thinking! Have the wedding during summer break.''
Fernando says. ''Well, I suppose we're all clearing the schedules, eh?'' Oh, God, what have they unleashed upon the grid this time?
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Max is to start on pole for Sunday, which is an afternoon race. Max and Juliette arrive for the drivers parade, then, it's down to real business. The race itself is chaos incarnate, though. Lance forcing Charles off the track during the formation lap, triggering a red flag and safety car. Juliette's heart aches for her big brother, he's been so down on himself lately, and she hates to see him trudging back to the Ferrari garage like that. ''Oh, Charlie.'' She sighs, turning her ring on her finger.
On lap seven, Alex spins out of control and crashes as well, causing another safety car while they clean up and assess Alex. First her brother, now Alex, who next? Max is in the lead by lap 18, when George's car catches fire, triggering a virtual safety car. ''Mon dieu, what is going on here?'' Juliette asks.
Callum, one of Max's pit crew, laughs as he says. ''The race is haunted, Julia.''
Juliette jokes back, she's always loved the atmosphere in the Red Bull paddock, Ferrari has always been just a bit too tense for her. ''That would explain it, Callum.''
Max gives her a brief scare when he goes onto the grass on lap 46. No matter how many years pass, even after a million race wins and 20 years of marriage, Copse will always linger in her head. Kevin's car breaking apart on him triggers yet another restart. Which goes pear shaped really quickly as both Alpines, Nyck, and Logan all crash out on turn one. And, another red flag is called. ''Come on, Max, I wanna finish designing your wedding suit.'' Juliette says, fiddling with her water bottle. The final lap begins under the safety car, which guides Max home to his first race win in Australia. Lewis takes silver, Fernando takes bronze. Juliette watches him take his place at the head of the podium, before trophies, he is briefly interviewed. He's asked. ''Now, Max, this is your first race with your lovely fiancee present, anything to say to her?''
Max beams, the crowd erupts into applause. ''Uhm, yeah. Julia, mijn schatje, thank you for saying 'yes' firstly. Uhm, I love you so much you have no idea, this would not be possible without you, and I cannot wait for summer already.'' He blows her a kiss, she places her left hand on her chest, blinking tears away. ''Ik houd van je, Juliette Leclerc.'' Juliette beams up at him while he receives his medal and trophy, he never fails to make her happy. She can only hope she's doing the same for him, she must be doing something right.
That night, they collapse into bed together, exhausted from the longest race day they've ever had together. Sometimes, the best celebration is relaxation. Max's eyes flutter closed, he looks so soft now, stripped of his racing finery, Juliette says, kissing him on the forehead. ''Je t'aime, mon vainqueur.'' He dozes off to sleep, Juliette curls into his side, the silver and gold plate forgotten on the sofa for now.
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They arrive back in Monaco on the tuesday, Max ready for some rest at home before Baku. Jimmy and Sassy rub up against their legs when they come through the door. Juliette bends down to pet their cats. ''Bonjour, notre anges.''
As if by cue, Julia's cavachon, her beloved Luna, runs into the foyer. Tail wagging like crazy to see her maman and papa home. ''We've missed you too, Luna.'' Max says, it took her ages to convince him to take Luna from her friend and co-worker Daphne after her Bichon and her husband's Cavalier King Charles Spaniel had a litter late last year. But, little Luna has been a much beloved addition to the family. ''We're home, guys.'' They ditch their bags, kick their shoes off, pick their pets up, and crash on the sofa with some Peaky Blinders. Baku won't be calling Max east until the 26th of April, so, they can relax for a few weeks. Juliette returns to work tomorrow, but that's also a labour of love for her, and always has been. Max and Julia steal a glance at each other, his blue eyes to her hazel, he lovingly kisses her on the lips. ''Ready to become Mrs Verstappen? In the summer?'' He asks.
The surname issue has been a no-brainer for her since she could put a name to why Max makes her feel what he does. ''Oh, yeah, I've been ready for a long time, amour.'' His sister has her husband's name, his mother kept hers. And, there will be four Mrs Leclercs running around someday, so, she wants to be Juliette Verstappen. ''Since Barcelona 2020.''
Some part of her will never quite get used to this, this being her real life and not something she dreamed up while with her ex. But, here they are. Australia down, Baku next.
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Hi, guys!! Something a bit different, first F1 ficlet! So, be nice. Juliette is Charles' younger sister. Born in July 1999, so Arthur is just over a year younger. She is Co-CEO and Co-founder of an ethical, sustainable, body conscious, and affordable fashion line called 'Vita Luxuria', and has loved Max since 2016. She also is a huge Grace Kelly stan.
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QCHP Exam Questions: Frequently Asked Questions
QCHP Exam Questions: Frequently Asked Questions
The QCHP Exam is a national qualification in Qatar for professionals in the building and construction industry. The exam is the application of the Code of Professional Practice and sets minimum…
The Qatar QCHP Exam
We get a lot of questions about the Qatar QCHP Exam and so we thought we would address some of the most frequently asked questions here. 1. What is the Qatar QCHP Exam? The Qatar QCHP Exam is a professional licensure exam that all healthcare professionals must pass in order to practice in Qatar. The exam consists of two parts: a written exam and a clinical skills exam. 2. Who is eligible to take the Qatar QCHP Exam? All healthcare professionals who wish to practice in Qatar must take the Qatar QCHP Exam. This includes doctors, nurses, pharmacists, and other allied health professionals. 3. How do I register for the Qatar QCHP Exam? You can register for the Qatar QCHP Exam through the Qatar Council for Healthcare Practitioners website. Registration is open throughout the year and you can register up to three months in advance of your desired exam date. 4. When and where is the Qatar QCHP Exam offered? The Qatar QCHP Exam is offered twice per year, in May and November. The written exam is held in Doha, while the clinical skills exam is held
How to Prepare for a Qatar QCHP Exam
If you're planning on becoming a healthcare professional in Qatar, you'll need to pass the Qatar Council for Healthcare Practitioners (QCHP) exam. This can be a daunting task, but we're here to help. In this blog post, we'll answer some frequently asked questions about the QCHP exam and give you some tips on how to prepare for it. What is the QCHP exam? The QCHP exam is a licensing exam that all healthcare professionals must pass in order to practice in Qatar. The exam covers a wide range of topics, including medical ethics, patient safety, and Qatar healthcare laws and regulations. How can I prepare for the QCHP Prometric Exam ? There are a few different ways you can prepare for the QCHP exam. First, you can purchase a study guide from the QCHP website. This guide will provide you with an overview of the topics covered on the exam and some sample questions. Additionally, there are a number of online resources that can help you prepare, including practice exams and flashcards. Finally, it's always a good idea to brush up on your medical knowledge by taking continuing education courses or reading medical journals.
Benefits and Drawbacks of the Qatar QCHP Exam
The Qatar healthcare system is constantly evolving and improving, and part of that process is the Qatar Central Exam for Healthcare Professionals (QCHP). The QCHP was established to ensure that all healthcare professionals in Qatar are properly qualified and have the necessary skills to provide high-quality care. The exam covers a wide range of topics, including medical knowledge, communication skills, cultural competence, and ethical issues. It is designed to test a healthcare professional's ability to provide safe, effective, and culturally competent care. There are both benefits and drawbacks to the QCHP exam. Some of the benefits include: - Ensuring that all healthcare professionals in Qatar are properly qualified - Testing a healthcare professional's ability to provide safe, effective, and culturally competent care - Providing a standard way to assess the skills and knowledge of healthcare professionals in Qatar Some of the drawbacks include: - The exam is very challenging and can be difficult to pass - It can be expensive to take the exam, especially if you need to retake it
Resources That Can Help You Pass Your Qatar QCHP Exam
If you're planning on taking the Qatar QCHP Exam, you might be wondering what kind of questions you can expect. Luckily, we've put together a list of frequently asked questions to help you out. 1. What is the Qatar QCHP Exam? The Qatar QCHP Exam is a professional licensing exam that all healthcare practitioners must pass in order to practice in Qatar. The exam covers a wide range of topics, including medical ethics, patient safety, and general healthcare knowledge. 2. How can I prepare for the Qatar QCHP Exam? There are a few different ways you can prepare for the Qatar QCHP Exam. First, qchp qatar can purchase a study guide from the Qatar Health and Medical Licensing Authority. Additionally, there are many online resources that can help you study for the exam. Finally, it's always a good idea to consult with your supervisor or another healthcare professional who has already taken the exam. 3. What should I expect on test day? On test day, you will be given a multiple-choice exam with 100 questions. You will have two hours to complete the exam, and you must achieve a passing score of 70% in order
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Laurent Mekies-TP press conference- Mood in the team, Carlos and the Car and leadership
Q: Thank you. And on the evidence of yesterday, Ferrari are living up to their pre-race favourites tag. Is the car performing as you'd hoped? Is there more to come? Just can you give us an assessment of where you're at?
LM: The day was positive yesterday in the way that we completed our programme. We know yesterday's picture is not the picture we'll have today, because it's going to be probably, you know, much colder and rainy today. And even if it's race is going to come dry tomorrow, we expect much cooler temperatures. Nonetheless, the drivers were comfortable with the car, we have made small steps forward with it. And now it's all about trying to be able to anticipate what the condition change is going to do to your set-up, to your performance windows and I think that's what we're all trying to focus on right now.
Q: Laurent, what is the mood in the camp?
LM: The mood in the camp is as high as it gets, because people like Charles, Carlos, Mattia, these guys are driving the team in all situations. You have the good moments, you have the bad moments and I think the difference comes from this sort of leadership, when they are able, whatever happens, to press the reset button, to bring everybody together, to look back at what happened, to learn from it and to go and look to the next race with a smile and with more motivation than the race before.
Q: (Claire Cottingham – Racefans.net) Laurent, we're seeing a lot of mistakes coming from Ferrari in France, especially Carlos being told he had a different penalty on the radio. I just wondered if Ferrari are feeling the pressure at this point and what you're doing moving forward after the summer break to kind of stamp out these small mistakes that might be costing you a couple of points here and there.
LM: I think the France/Carlos radio message example is a good one of how different situations can be, seen inside the teams and outside teams. I think what you describe was simply the result of the radio message being broadcast 30 or 40 seconds after what had really happened. And if you had to go back there, you will call Carlos back exactly as we did and do the pitstop exactly as we did so it just shows how difficult nowadays, in a complex sport, it is to understand the reasons behind a strategy or another. That being said, we've lost quite a few points this year. We have reliability issues, we have a few things that we need to be better at. And yes, we are working extremely hard on it, it does not increase the pressure because the pressure is maximum all the time because it's a competitive world and that's the way we like it anyway but it's a positive pressure, it's what pushes us to improve race after race, and it's with that spirit that we approach Budapest.
Q: (Laurie Vermeersch – F1Only.fr) Laurent, Carlos Sainz showed super pace in the last races. He won in Silverstone, he has a good pace in Austria before the DNF, he has a super bass in France. He helped Charles to the pole position in qualifying. Can we say now that he’s becoming the leader of the team?
LM: So at first you are very right in saying that Carlos has had three extremely strong weekends: Silverstone, Austria, France. We are very, very happy with that. It did not show up so much on the final race classifications besides Silverstone because we had other things to deal with. But you are very right in saying that he has made great progress since the start of the seasons. We made no secret at the beginning of the year that naturally the car was not suiting him very well. We had to work a lot with him, with his engineers, with everybody back in Maranello to make sure we can give him something he is more comfortable with. And these things take time. And slowly, it seems that we are heading towards the right direction, which is another great sign for the team and the way we interact. So I think that's where it is. Does it make somebody a leader or not? No, it doesn't, it is not what makes a leader or not. We know we have two very, very good drivers. We treat them in a way that we can maximise our championship positions and we want them as fast as they can possibly be.
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𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 ?
Love as light
[ Love as a luminous force—warm, radiant, and golden ] When Mary Oliver wrote "Light of the world hold me” and when Charles Bukowski said “I look at her and light goes all through me” and when David Viscott said “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides” and when E. E. Cummings said “Lovers alone wear sunlight.”
Tagged by: @lionfated (You were like, the very first time I tag Sae in aaaaanything, it’ll be this kind of painful thing; I see how it is Lucian <3), and @militus you cheat always, why drag me down into the abyss of Clerith with you; I never asked for this
Tagging: Like the others noted, steal it! But also: @inventorem, @aicidos (Tifa!), @dcwnseeker (pick your poiiison!), both @finiarcl (Terra) and @lighthouseborn, @wutaiiwarrior, @trickstercaptain
#[ various. ] dangerous place for kids to play. / raised in the slums; remember? / you're tough. / hmm; that supposed to be a compliment?#[ relevance. ] don't just... run off on your own. / those the words of a soldier candidate? / so petty!#[ so here's an admission and it's odd to make this kind of admission considering the kind of person i am. ]#[ i sat here the other day and i was chatting with mika about ships and square enix and how i feel about clerith. ]#[ and i say i talk clerith very specifically because it's the only way that i know how to talk about them. ]#[ i talk about /them/. but i don't always talk about... her. not beyond a certain point. ]#[ i can talk about what cloud is and means and embodies for aerith; but when it comes to how she expresses what she feels... ]#[ in a setting that is beyond what we've seen? ]#[ in a 'we're finally here' kind of setting? it becomes difficult. ]#[ am i making sense? ]#[ i'm always so very much about the 'pre' phase of falling in love because it's there where you find those tidbits that... ]#[ create the foundation. it's the phase before anything settles. it's the excitement but also the complication. ]#[ it's the time that i'm feral about as a person but also as a writer because... ]#[ /clenches fist and internalises everything before i ramble for 30 pages because this is why i've loved a past muse as well. ]#[ in terms of 'stages' of love. because vastly different beyond that. ]#[ any way. IT'S ABOUT SO MANY THINGS that i want to talk about but also don't quite. ]#[ any way-- ]#[ but i can still envision the 'what is it like when this love enters the phase of 'out in the open' and... dare i say; settled? ]#[ i can envision that. but with aerith i almost... can't. ]#[ and it has nothing to do with her fate or anything. it's this concept where... she's so warm. she's so in people's faces and caring... ]#[ and wanting to do what's right. that's where her love is; for people and for the planet. ]#[ and it's in everything she does. ]#[ i see people speak of headcanons of intimacy and of love and how their muses are with their significant others. ]#[ and it's the first time that i've had a muse where i'm so invested in a ship and i analyze it so very much-- ]#[ but i can't tell you in long coherent details what she'd be like. ]#[ what she'd do. what she'd say. ]#[ does that make sense at all? ]#[ i talked about this the other day too; it's not a concept of 'i don't know' or am missing something. ]#[ it's that some characters are involved in something so intimate and intense on a level that is spiritual... ]#[ on the level of one's soul rather than one's heart. ]
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Switched | Itadori Yuji x reader x Sukuna
summary: fucking yuji means a passionate night until sukuna decides to be an asshole and switches with your boyfriend half way through sex.
F!reader
word count: 2.6k
warnings: 18+, name calling
author's note: i've been thinking of this since i last closed the app and i knew i just had to write it
You've been horny all night.
Your boyfriend, Itadori Yuji, is wearing a simple plain white dress shirt which he folded up right below his elbows. He has two buttons undone and the shirt is tucked in black dress pants, his long legs causing for his ankles to show right above the black boat shoes he has on his feet.
He finished the look with a white silver watch on his left wrsit. Honestly? You could feel your cunt already dripping just by the way your boyfriend looked while the two of you were still at the apartment.
As the group; Nobara, Gojo, Nanami and Yuji sang happy birthday for Megumi, you're busy rubbing your thighs together, proving for the action to be a bit more difficult than it actually is when you're seated.
Megumi blows his candles and everyone cheers, clapping their hands as they begin to dig into the food. You try distracting yourself, scooping in a few scoops of food on your plate but it is all for naught when Yuji leans over, giving you a chance to get a whiff of his cologne.
A strong strawberry scent with a little bit of sweet vanilla and a hint of bold wood. The scent doesn't smell like it goes everywhere at all- it all smells so good together. Yuji uses his chopsticks to place some strips of beef on your food, your gaze immediately on his forearm- veins feintly protruding from under his light skin. The silver around his wrist doesn't help at all and it makes you feel as if you are this horny teenager again.
"Eat up." Yuji smiles, his eyes smiling with him. You force your lips to stretch, sending him a big smile back before eating your food, deciding to forget all about your thoughts by stuffing food in your mouth.
It works.
Well, more or less. You haven't had a single dirty thought about your boyfriend ever since uou began eating, and now Nobara is currently singing her heart off as Gojo and the birthday boy himself are dozing side by side on the end of the couch. Nanami is busying himself by sipping on his drink, a smile feint on his lips as he watches and listens to Nobara sing, looking like how a proud father would.
Your boyfriend, on the other hand, doesn't look too good.
"You okay, babe?" You ask, leaning in to squeeze his forearm softly. He snaps out what seems to be in a caging gaze he was in, looking at you. Yuji smiles, hand fluing on yours to give it a good, reassuring squeeze. "I'm good, baby. Just a little tired, I guess."
You furrow your brows, definitely not buying his lies. "Just tell me. The faster you tell me the faster we can solve the problem." You say, crossing your arms over your chest.
Yuji's eyes slowly and uncontrollably begin traveling down your chest, gaze glossing over your evident cleavage, moving again even much lower, his eyes taking note of how the black dress you're wearing is hugging every curve on your body perfectly.
Yuji leans in, his strong cologne scent causing the butterflies in your stomsch to go insane. "That dress has been driving me crazy the whole night." Your boyfriend's hot breath fans over the shell of your ear, casuing goosebumps to rise all over your body. "Take it off for me, please?"
You breath in a deep and shaky breath, closing your eyes to try and convince yourself not to strip naked in front of your friends and teachers right here on the spot. You stand up abruptly, catching Nanami's attention.
"We gotta go, Yuji has a really bad stomach ache." The corners of your mouth pull down into a fake frown which Nanami buys, nodding his head and waving the both of you off. You take Yuji's hand and pull him out of the Kareoke room, your heels loud as you stomp your way out of the building and to the parking lot.
As you find your car, you pull the front seat's door open only for it to be closed shut again by your boufriend. Yuji pulls you closer by your waist, making you can feel how hard he is inside his pants.
"We're not doing it here."
"My car's windows are tinted." He bites on your ear.
You keep telling yourself not to do it, to just wait until the both of you gets home but Itadori jr. seems to be having other plans for tonight. You sigh, walking over to the back door and pulling it open. As soon as you bend over to get in, Yuji pushes you and slams the door behind him.
The cold winter nights of Japan has the interior of the car all cool and comfortable. Yuji spins you around by your waist, running both of his hands on either sides of your waist. He breathes out deeply, eyes scanning hungrily over your form. His hands begin to make their way down your thighs, he leans in to give you a soft peck on the lips. Yuji looks into your eyes at first before leaning back in to envelope you into a deep kiss, his tongue skillfully brushing and sliding against yours as he sucks on it softly. His breathing his ragged as he feels your body all over, your legs instinctively opening and moving up his hips. Yuji presses his hard member against your clothed cunt, grinding on it for some kind of friction before pulling away when he feels just how soaked you are down there.
He reaches a hand under your dress, pressing two fingers on your wet cunt making you mewl. You've been holding it in for too long and now you're just very sensitive. The corner of his mouth twitches up, "Have you been wet for me the entire night, baby?"
You don't trust your voice, you can't. You know it'll sound needier than you actually are, you know it'll set Yuji off to start teasing you, so you nod your head, your face contorting as you feel him slip a finger between your folds.
He leans forward, hot breath fanning over the sensitive skin on the side of your neck. Yuji's warm tongue runs up the skin once, twice- he's adding another digit into your wet hole and you almost cum at the spot when he nibbles on your soft skin.
"I'll take very good care of you tonight." He presses his soft lips on the nibbled part of the skin, slowly trailing kisses up to your cheek and finally back onto your lips.
You couldn't think straight- your head was full of the boy. You absolutely loved about him; his strawberry pink hair, when he smiles with his eyes, how he can never go through a day without cuddling you at least once, how he does his best to give you anything you want, how he's one of your biggest inspirations in life. This boy- no, this man is someone you can imagine waiting for you at the end of the isle, hot tears streaming down his face as he waits for you at the end of the path, looking at you as if you were the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on- yes, even more beautiful than Jennifer Laurence.
Aoi would be right beside him, rubbing a hand on his back as he tries to soothe his best friend's sobs.
You snap out of your daze when you notice your boyfriend looking deeply into your eyes, a soft blush caressing his cheeks as he studies your face ever so lovingly. "I love you." You tell him.
His blush darkens as he leans into you, pressing his lips once again on yours. "I love you too." You feel the head of his cock press against your entrance for a bit before entering you completely.
You let out a soft whine, arching your back as your lips are trapped between your teeth. Your eyes roll back at the feeling of your boyfriend slowly pushing his entire length inside you, getting you feeling so full of him. "Yuji..." Your voice sounds so lewd, so needy and whiny for him that the sound of it makes you blush. You feel him stop moving once he's inside you fully, and at first you think he's letting you adjust to his size. That is, until he pulls his head back and your gaze falls onto the black lines all over his face. The soft look that once inherited your boyfriend's face is now replaced by a smug, cocky one. He has a smirk on that tells you to push him off and quickly get out of the car- but why don't you?
Instead, you feel yourself clenching around him even more. The look on his face has you dripping wet, your nipples hardening underneath your dress and the butterflied in your stomach going crazy as ever.
"Can't believe that little boy would keep you all to himself." His voice isn't Yuji's- no. It's much deeper, darker, more dangerous. He looks down at your apalled expression, his smirk growing even bigger. He leans over, pushing your legs up to your chest and forcing you down into a mating press. "What's my name, princess?"
You can feel your heart beating rapidly against your chest, your breathing shaky and your head clouded. Without even thinking about it, your mouth moves on their own and out comes your whimpering voice.
"Sukuna."
The curse pulls away with a wide grin, pulling his hips out before thrusting his cock inside you again, the tip of his cock hitting the same spot as it did before. Sukuna's hips are relentlessly thrusting inside you, abusing your needy hole as you moan loudly for more.
His hand finds its way to your boob and you feel something hot and wet lap itself over your hardened nipple. You look down to see the mouth on his hand grinning cockily like him. It wraps itself around your nipple, sucking on the bud and biting on it softly making your eyes rolls back to your head.
You feel something coil up inside your stomach, your mouth opening as you feel yourself slowly reach your high. "I-I'm so, fucking, clo-" Sukuna thrusts his hips hardly once, causing your toes to curl and your body to shake as you move your hips to ride out your orgasm. Heavy breaths fill the car as your legs grow limp on either side of his body and your eyelids become heavier.
"The fuck do you think you're doing?" Sukuna squeezes your cheeks, making your eyelids lift open. He hooks his arm around your back, pulling you along with him as he sits up.
Your eyes widen and back arches when you feel electricity run up your spine. Sukuna lifts a brow, his hands on either side of your hips, preventing you from lifting them. "Too full!" You whimper out, tears forming on the corners of your eyes as you swallow a large lump down your throat.
"Hah?" He tilts his head to the side, "But I haven't even came yet." You feel him roll his hips once, but it was all it took to have you digging your nails on his shoulders. "I'll pull out when I cum. But for now," He lowers his head to take your nipple by his mouth, his fingers pinching and playing with the other one. ",focus on making me feel good, princess."
Your eyes clench shut asbyou focus on the feeling of his hard member inside your dripping cunt. You move your hips once, you feel goosebumps all over your body. You move your hips a second time and you're wanting to feel that same friction again. You move your hips a third and you're letting your desires take over.
You hump on Sukuna's cock sloppily and roughly, the car is shaking. Sukuna let's out soft groans and moans, the constant "love feeling your cunt around my cock like this" whispered and growled into your ear. His eyes travel down to your chest, eyes gleaming when he sees your boobs bouncing in sync with everytime you hump on him.
When he looks back at you, all his other sense go numb. The sight of you with your tongue out your mouth, you drool dripping down your tongue, your face flushed and your eyes crossed together at the feeling of it being so good has him gripping on your hips tightly. "You're a fucking slut, aren't ya?" He begins thrusting himself inside you and you moan loudly, your toes curling at the feeling of his sac slapping against your skin. "Aren't ya?!" He yells and all you could do is whimper as you nod your head. He's fucking you so dumb you couldn't form coherent words.
He rolls his hips as he thrusts them, making sure you feel every single inch of him inside you. Your moans are in sync with his thrusts, feeling your breath being knocked out of your system with every thrust the curse does.
Your hand flies up your mouth, trying to surpress the loud moans that keep slipping out of your lips but Sukuna wraps his hand around your wrist, pulling your hand away.
"Scream for me, come on princess. Let him know who's fucking you so good right now." His voice is low and deep, it drives you to the edge, almost pushing you off. "Wh-who? Who's him?" You ask, forcing your eyes to open as you look down at Sukuna- your eyebrows raise in surprise at the sight of the black lines on your boyfriend's face gone.
Yuji looks up at you with eyes holding such lust. He has a straight expression on as he looks into your eyes, kind of hypnotising you as he thrusts into you, leading the both of you to your highs.
"Wh-what happened to Sukuna-"
"Why are you looking for him." Yuji's voice is covered in coldness. He combs his fingers on the back of your head and throughyour hair, curling them into a fist as he pulls on your hair. "He's not the one fucking you right now, I am." His thrusts start becoming more aggressive, hinting at you that he's already close.
"You'll cum around my cock a second time and you'll be moaning my name out as loud as you can. Got it?" Yuji growls onto your neck. His other hand grabs onto your hip and begins thrusting into you faster than before. You feel something snap inside you, your orgasm causing your toes to curl and your fingernails to be dug onto your boyfriend's skin. "Y-Yuji!" Your hips shake as you begin rolling them around, riding out your orgasm.
"That's not my name right now, princess." You look back down only to feel your heart drop at the sight of the black lines all over his face. "S-S-Sukuna! Sukuna!" You moan out, your chest rising and falling exceptionally. You hear him chuckle before feeling him pull out, shooting his hot seed all over your naked cunt.
You look back up, checking to see who's who right now. You smile when you see it's your boyfriend. You press your forehead on his shoulder as you try to calm yourself down. You feel his arms wrap themselves around you as the two of you bask in each other's presence.
"You gotta stop doing that, it fucks up with my brain." You mumble onto his chest which only leaves you with a lighthearted chuckle. "But Sukuna says he doesn't want to be left out."
"Whatever, Sukuna can go fuck off." You mumble sleepily.
"Why don't you fuck me yourself, princess?" A deeper and much darker voice speaks up and you curse yourself mentally.
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#itadori yuji#itadori x reader#sukuna#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#itadori x y/n#itadori x you#itadori smut#sukuna smut#itadori fluff#jujutsu kaisen itadori#jjk thirsts#jujutsu kaisen
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would it be possible to ask for a jj x reader, where reader is neuro-divergent and has issues meeting new people. when jj introduces her to the team she has issues keeping her stims under control. so she gets really embarrassed and maybe starts having a panic attack, so jj helps settle her. after "coming back to reality" reader is embarrassed but the team is like it's ok. while jj is still holding her she looks at jj and says something along the lines of "thank you for being my comfort human".
sorry, this got long-winded. it's cool if you don't want to do this. just a thought 👍
-👑
୨୧ Comfort ୨୧
pairing: JJ ♡︎GN!Reader
warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡, panic attacks, not edited
summary: ʚ when you get overwhelmed meeting the team JJ is there to help ɞ
words: 811
AN: ANON I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, i swear i set it up to upload automatically but it didn’t work 😭, you never specified what kind of neuro divergence so i just left that open and used my tics and stims lol
AN 2: this was a lovley request thank you sm babe and your my first emoji anon :3!
⤾·˚ ༘ ◡̈ ⤾·˚ ༘ ◡̈
Your nervous tics often annoyed people. And quite frankly so do you. The occasion vocal stims the hand flapping. It made people stare, the judge looks. It got even worse when you are anxious. And unfortunately, you have been anxious a lot lately. You have finally completed your life goal of becoming an FBI agent. After hyper-focusing on it for 27 years, you finally made it. Unfortunately, you have to do the things you almost hate most in the world. Meeting new people. An awful experience.
What if they didn’t like you? What if you make a complete idiot of yourself? What if you make a big mistake? Something you should know, but forget? You took a deep breath. Stepping off of the elevator. Flapping your hand on your way over. You walked quickly into the bull pin. Stopping short realizing you had no idea where you were going and your bag hit your leg awkwardly.
Until you saw a familiar face. JJ, she has been a haven in this all. It was never raking when you first met her but after a while, you began to like her. She was gonna be your little helper until you got a more solid footing at the BAU. “Hey y/n!” she says in a cheery voice. Her cherry perfume fills your nose.
A comfort filling you. “H-hi JJ.” you stutter slightly smiling at her. She gives a smile back bumping your arm. She leads you to what is essentially your doom. The room was full of strangers. Not only full of strangers but those strangers happen to be some of the smartest people ever.
You took a deep breath as she opened the door. The room seemed so big. Everyone turned to look at you. You felt all their eyes glaring at you. “This is SSA y/n y/l/n…” but the rest of JJ said got lost to the blur that was your mind.
Finding it increasingly difficult to keep your happy smile and normal stance. You couldn’t just go and flap your hand so you had to stick to rolling your wrists.
Eventually, JJ stopped talking, you don’t what she said or what she was implying you do. So to try and figure out the situation you smile at her nodding and look back to the team. One of the guys was already standing up with his arm stretched out.
So you were going to meet and shake their hands. “Aaron Hotchner, nice to meet you,” he says. I hope he can’t tell my hand is shaking so much. After I eventually shake everyone’s hand, I feel as though I could vomit.
“Hey JJ we're, did you say the bathroom was?” I ask my voice coming out a tad squeaky. “Oh here lemme show you.” she offers. We rush out of the room, and alone with JJ, I feel a bit safer. “Hey what’s going on?” she asks stopping outside of a random office.
“Nothing is wrong, I just get nervous about meeting new people because of my-“ you started trying to keep your voice calm but it was hard. “y/n, I know, I read your file,” she said nodding, her hand grazing your back.
You took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I was trying so hard not to panic but I can't help it.” you stutter out. Embarrassment is raising on your cheeks. This shouldn’t be happening, I mean come on! You were a full-grown adult and you should not have to worry about this anymore.
“It’s ok y/n, we’re just gonna take a quick break-in here then get back to our work,” she says, opening the office's door. “In here?” you ask in a squeaky voice still. Trying to rub the tears from your eyes. “Yes in here, it’s my office,” she says turning the lamp on.
The office was small and bit impersonal. You never once saw her in here before. “This doesn’t feel like you,” you mumbled pointing to the room. You sat down in a chair, the glow of the lamp already calming you down.
“Yeah I know I’m never really in here,” she mumbles pulling out a humidifier, she presses a few buttons and it starts to spray something. After a moment you know it’s lavender.
You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down as JJ crouches in front of you. Her left hand rubbing your right arm. Grounding you. “It’s gonna be ok y/n,” she says in a sweet voice. And this time you start to believe it. The world doesn’t feel like it’s going a million miles an hour and more.
“JJ?” you ask quietly, looking at her. “Yeah? She says her face slightly fallen. “Thank you for being my comfort human,” you mumble, feeling finally at peace.
She smiles, a warm feeling spreading throughout her.
#jj x reader#jenifer jareau x reader#jennifer jereau x reader#jj criminal minds#my baby 👑#wlw post#wlw culture#wlw ship
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