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everyothernamistaken · 3 months

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chaos

so like the conclusion of my stupidity, tech week has dawned upon me, it fucking sucks and fuckint hell my father woke up just to yell about random shit why does he do this but anyways so they drafted me to do spotlights, ive nwver done a theater thint and i never will again becaude a decent chunk of the ppl there make me quesrion my sanity but basicly i spendlike 6 hours a day in a box in the celing inhailing probably toxic fumes from rhe light wich burns my hands because it was designed by a idior who must have been blind cause you cant aim it and rhe handles are conected to the several hundred degree loghts so that sucjs, also they never trained me they litterslt sent me up and told me to turn nobs till i know what im doing. Concequently, i might ruin a entire musical! Also chucklenuts mcvehicularmanslaughter was for some unholy reason back which is strange because he moved and got dumped by my ex who i apparently was never going out with, but yeah that was weird but then i demolished those theater kids in music trivia. Then this one girl i kicked in the face like a few months ago kept talking to me, i think i saw her taking pictures of me earlier which is weird but she rambles alot and im not sure how to feel about her maybe its morbid curiosity like she is a small bit nuts(most hyperactiver person ive seen recently) but like entertaining to whitness. Also despite havint no freerime i have to write a amicus curae thing for school and i do NOT want to do that. Also the onlything ive eaten in the past like since tursday (5days) is like peanutbuuter jelly sandwiches beef jerky and cheeze its so im eatin good. Also for like the first time in 10 years i had a caffene becayse my mother doesnt buy coffee with cafeene so like idk i drank tea and then wad hyperactive for like 6 hours and nearly punched a compjter because it was slow i couldnt sit still today but then like ibgot really tired durring being in the box and i rhink the fog macheenes and fumes were getting to be because i nearly passed out.also the box was full of dust when we got it bevause like we were the first to go up there in like a year so we spent 2 houra cleaninf it and my eyes were burning. Also yesterday when i was wating by the door up to the box area, some girl walked by me and in like the most depreced way possible said hi to me which was like reallg wierd because like i think i have pissed off peiple i do not know as opposed to mepissing off people i do know

I dont feel good rn i need a nap nap i need to be snug as a bug i am snug as a bug like on god i am cozy rnbut my hair is wet which is hell, ik some people like sleeping with wet hair but they are also insane so idk

#hell #yapping #professional yapper #They put me in a box again #help #Nap #sandwich #cheezits

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cyanidefilledcandy · 2 years

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Soooo....I've decided to repick up a project I started a couple years ago...or at the very least I have the desire to.

It's a parody comic and my goal is to have the first chapter done by October 31, which I doubt will happen since it's just over a month away, and as I mentioned, I haven't touched it in just about two years (or hell....may be over two years now...)

But I will admit, I have been procrastinating all afternoon in even starting to work on it because frankly, I am absolutely terrified to...

This isn't anything new because I always get terrified to draw anything unless it's digital and that's only because I know if I make a mistake, it can be permanently removed whereas with traditional drawing, my mistakes can be seen clearly, even if I try to erase them.

Another thing is that when I decided I might try a crack at it again a few months ago, I opened my sketchbook to find the pages completely ruined... Part of it is my fault because I stupidly chose to do the pages front and back in an effort to be cost effective and I work with graphite....

So needless to say, a lot of the pages got smeared. But the real issue is that some weird stains got on the pages which I truly don't understand as it's been in storage in a bag for basically a year and a half...

I found a hack for redrawing art, but it won't work because of my idiot decision to make them front and back... And also the idea of trying to redraw them TRULY terrifies me because I've never been able to redraw any of my drawings properly....even if I'd just did them, even back when I was drawing regularly. I can't imagine how bad it will be now that I haven't drawn in over a year and a half and my skill has been steadily getting worse over the years regardless. :/ (I once read someone here on Tumblr that said if you think your art is suddenly getting worse, it's not. It's just that you've tuned your eye and are just now noticing flaws that you didn't realize before because you've learned more. I thought that might've been the case, but no....my drawing has just gotten worse...)

It really pisses me off, though. I hate my fear and perfectionism because it holds me back from doing so much I want to do... Like even in school, I'd rather not take a test and receive a flat 0 than to try and fail...

And yes, I know that realistically, I can't get better if I don't try, if I don't use it, I'll lose it, and perfection doesn't exist....especially in art. (In fact, I LOVE that fact about art. I know a lot of artists I follow say they prefer digital because they can make the work look cleaner....and frankly, I love a messy, sketchy piece of art.)

But, it's so unbelievably hard to break this mindset. I can tell myself until my mind is blue in the face that it doesn't matter if it's not perfect and to just try and practice to get better. But, I can't get over that mental block of trying and failing. Of not being able to get what I see in my head on the page...

And it's even more frustrating because looking back...I am actually shocked and impressed with what I have...

I have seven pages drafted...Messy, and not nearly done, but still, SEVEN pages! And they don't look half bad. And I know I can refine them make them at least passable...

But it's just the idea of completely starting from scratch...when I'm so out of practice...

I have nothing really to say with this post. Just venting my frustrations with myself to myself. (And whoever chooses to read this...)

IDK...

I'm thinking of getting a new drawing pad and maybe some tracing paper to trace the pages and restart them that way.... But we'll see. (I'm getting a new book regardless. I had completely forgot the pages were kerfuckled until just now...)

#cyanidefilleddiary #random things no one cares about #yes....I know I need to get over myself... :/#art woes #perfectionism

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skinnyducky · 2 years

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good 4 u // v.h.

a/n omg i missed y’all so much! i’m finally on break and have some time to write. just a lil update: thee tour series is still going on, i’m currently just writing and revising all of it so y’all won’t have to wait for updates. but anywho, here’s something that’s been in my drafts since november. I believe this was inspired a little bit by scott pilgrim (another fav movie of mine) so hope you enjoy!

vinnie hacker x singer!reader

Word Count: 2034

WARNING: language...and i think that’s it. idk, there’s probs more but i just don’t remember.

---------

“There’s no way.” You growled, peeking your head out from the side of the stage. You scanned the crowd of the dive bar, finding the very person you never wanted to see in your life standing dead set in the middle. Vincent Hacker. And he managed to bring his new girl with him too. Ain’t that something. “What the fuck.” You scoffed.

The two of you had been broken up for about a month or so, and the week after you called it quits…he went and got with another girl. You weren’t as upset about this though. Sure you were a little pissed he moved on quickly, but what really made you hate the kid was the fact that he pretended you two weren’t even a thing. He went around on social media, acting as if you never happened. Like, what the fuck is up with that?

“Why is he here?” You asked yourself. It was a stupid question considering you knew the answer. You were the one who sent him the invite. But it was out of spite; you didn’t expect him to come to your gig. Nonetheless, the show must go on…and you were going to make sure he had the time of his life.

After a couple more minutes of waiting around, the show was about to start. The club owner, Frank, took to the stage while your band and crew got set up behind him. “What’s up, Los Angeles?” He greeted, earning cheers from the audience. “Now, I know why you’re here and I won’t keep you long. All I wanna do is remind y’all that for tonight, drinks are cheap, and food is half off.”

“Get on with it, old man!” someone from the crowd shouted. Frank grumbled into the mic before putting his happy-go-lucky grin back on his face. “Alright, alright. Without further or due, we are proud to welcome to the Ugly Duckling Dive Bar…Y/f/n Y/l/n!”

The audience went wild as you walked onto the stage. As you stepped up to the mic, you kept your eyes on Vinnie, sending him the nastiest glare you could muster up. If looks could kill, he’d be dead by now.

“Hello, Los Angeles.” You spoke, removing your eyes from the boy. “Thank you guys for coming. Even as a smaller artist, it’s nice to know that I can sell out a show and fill up a venue no matter the size.” This earned you a couple of laughs from your fans.

“Anyways, I wanna do something very special tonight. I live in L.A., this is the place where my dreams came true, and this city has done a lot for me, y’know. So as a token of my appreciation, I wanna perform something new.”—everyone went wild—“Can I do that? Can I perform something new?”

A chorus of yeses and “yes mommy” rang out through the bar causing you to smile. “Alrighty, well let’s get this show started.” You turned to the band and waved four fingers to them. They instantly caught on and waited for your signal.

“This is a new song I wrote. It was originally a letter to my ex…well, a text.” You said, “It was a message to him, a message that I’m happy he’s moved on, that his life has gotten better, and that he’s managed to pretend as if we never happened.” Everyone gasped and booed while you stared daggers at Vinnie. It was clear from the way he was fidgeting that he was uncomfortable. His girlfriend on the other hand was living for this. She must be a fan…how cute.

As you two looked directly at each other, you said, “So to my ex, I say good for you.” With that, your band began playing, your bassist taking lead.

“Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily,” you sang softly, both hands wrapped tightly around the body of your mic. “You found a new girl and it only took a couple of weeks.” There was nothing but venom and emotion laced in your tone as you scowled at Vinnie. He stood out like a sore thumb in the horde of screaming fans. There was nothing he could do, he was vulnerable…and you loved every minute of it.

“…Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me…if you ever cared to ask,” you spat, jumping around on stage and swinging your hips every which way. All that anger, all that pent-up emotion you had been bottling up…it was now being released. You’ve never felt better than now. You continued with the sound, never detaching your eyes from Vinnie. You were sure if his new girl wasn’t here, he’d be pissing himself right about now.

Finishing the song, you sang, “Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.” You were met with outstanding applause from your fans as you bowed and clapped for your band. The mini-show continued, and you performed a few more songs, ending with a cover of Red by Taylor Swift. “Thank you, thank you,” you laughed, “I love you, L.A. I promise you the album is coming soon!”

You and your band walked off stage but instead of hanging with them backstage, you decided to retreat to the bar for a couple of drinks. You maneuvered through the swarm of fans, taking pics and waving to a few of them. After what seemed like forever, you finally made it to the bar. You tapped on the counter, getting the bartender’s attention, and ordered your favorite drink. As you waited, you heard a deep hum beside you…a familiar deep hum. You glanced to the side and there stood Vinnie, leaning against the bar with his back turned to you.

You couldn’t help but laugh in your head at the obscurity of the situation. But you were gonna have a little bit of fun with this.

“Well, well.” You cleared your throat, nearly scaring the boy to death. He turned and the minute he looked down at you, he groaned. “What do we have here?” You teased, placing your hands on your hips.

“Y/n.” He replied.

“Hello, Vincent. Didn’t expect to see you here. Thought you’d be at home…playing your little video games.”

He gave you a puzzled expression. “You invited me.”

“Did I?” You pretended to think for a minute. “Must’ve forgotten. Anyways, how are you?”

“I’m—”

“That’s good. I’m good too.” You interrupted. “You look nice. You grow a couple of inches? Get a haircut or something? Trying to look good for your brand new girl, huh?”

Vinnie ran his hands through his new haircut, trying his best to hide it. “Uhm, yeah…I did.”

“That’s nice. Speaking of your new girl, where is she?”

“Oh, I— Um, she’s…she went home. Yeah…she got really sick. I think it might’ve been the food or something. Should’ve listened to Jett when he said the burgers here weren’t really edible.”

You gave him a fake pout, crossing your arms. “Oh, that’s terrible. She didn’t seem sick during the show. In fact, it looked like she was having the time of her life.”

“Yeah, she’s just—”

“I’m back.” Speaking of the devil. “Boy, it took me a good minute to get into the bathroom. That line is long as heck.” She planted a kiss on Vinnie’s cheek before turning to you. The moment she saw you, she squealed in excitement. “Oh my gosh, no way! You’re Y/n!”

“Yep, that’s me.” You chuckled, looking the girl up and down. “And what— I mean, who are you?”

“I’m Macy, it’s so nice to meet you. Big fan!” She was quite the cheerleader…far from Vinnie’s typical type. “Vinnie-Poo has told me so much about you.”

You gasped, glancing at the flustered boy. “Oh, Vinnie-Poo’s been talking about me, has he? All good things I hope?”

“Of course! When he told me you and him used to be friends, I couldn’t believe it. But then I remembered he’s practically famous, so it didn’t seem that wild.”

Out of everything she said, one word stood out to you: friends. “He said we were friends?”

Macy nodded, “Yeah. He said you two used to be really good friends. Then you fell out of touch because you had to focus on your music.”

“Oh is that what he said?” You looked over at Vinnie, watching as he looked around the room while scratching the back of his head. “Hm, that’s not exactly how I remember our relationship.”

“Hey, Macy, why don’t you go try and find Liza?” Vinnie said. The brunette looked at the boy in confusion. “She’s in the line for the bathroom. I saw her when I got out of there.”

“Still, go try and find her. Make sure she’s okay.”

“But—”

“Macy.”

“Okay.” She quickly went on her way, not before muttering, “It was nice to meet you.”

That left you and Vinnie to yourselves. Given the way he was sweating bullets, he’d rather be anywhere but here. “So, we were just friends? That’s cute.”

“Hmph, cute. Kinda like your song. That was real cute.” He said, ever-so defensively. “And by the way, I do not appreciate being referred to as a damn sociopath.”

You scoffed, “Who’s to say the song’s about you?”

“You were staring at me the whole time.”

“Was I?” You tapped your chin. “Hm, must’ve forgotten…much like how you forgot we were ever a thing. Or no…wait, you didn’t forget. You just completely erased our relationship.”

“Y/n—”

“And then, you go and get with some cookie-cutting Mary Sue. I mean, you parade her off on social media, going on and on about how good life is with her. Literally…what the fuck is up with that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Jealousy isn’t a good look, Y/n. And I love her. Why wouldn’t I show her off.”

“First of all, I reserve the right to be jealous…you broke up with me, remember? And secondly, you don’t love her. If you did, you wouldn’t have come here.”

“How do you know I’m not here because Macy wanted to come?”

“As much as Stacy—”

“Macy.” Vinnie corrected.

“As much as Stacy is a fan of me, I know you, Hacker. And the fact that you didn’t even argue with me when I said you didn’t love her says a lot.”

“And how could you know that?” He asked, twiddling his thumbs.

You smirked, stepping closer to him. “Because I know you’re not completely over me.”

Vinnie chuckled nervously as he fidgeted with the collar of his shirt. You could tell that there was a war waging within him, a battle between his brain and his heart. His brain kept convincing him that he was over you…that he loved St— Macy. But his heart…his heart spoke differently, telling him that he was still in love with you…that you were what he needed. Though, you knew he’d never allowed himself to give in to his heart. That just wasn’t the boy’s nature.

“As I said, I know you.” You added, softly running your fingers up and down his arm. “You’re just using her to fill a void. A void telling you that you miss me, that you want me back. A void that says I’m the only person who ever made you feel alive.”

You moved closer to him until you could practically hear his heart colliding with his rib cage. You brought your lips up to his ear, brushing them against his lobe. “I know you’re trying so hard to pretend you’re over me, but you can only deny your feelings for so long.”

“Y/n, I—”

“Shh.” You pressed your finger against his lips and looked him dead in the eye. “I know you still have my number, Vinnie. We’ll talk when there are fewer people around.”

You moved away from the boy and picked up your drink off the counter. You downed it, feeling the burning sensation trickle down your throat. As you set the glass back on the counter, you gave Vinnie one last good look. “See you soon.” You winked, making your way backstage and leaving the boy in awe.

#vinnie x reader #vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker imagine #vinnie hacker x reader

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fratboykate · 2 years

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For a few days now I have e been thinking about your most recent Disney is evil rant and how you always seem to think of the Disney machine as "Disney-Marvel", and don't get me wrong, those two are wholy linked; but that's not why Disney has had the market penetration it has. While yes, many of the millennials who got the Disney subscription paid for it because they wanted that sweet superhero juice injected right into their brains and that's about as much disposable income we have for anything remotely fun (85% of us are broke af), but the bulk of Disney subscriptions is made of older peeps with children paying for a service that offers the nostalgia films of their childhood and new ones without the risk of radicalizing their childrens while they cook/clean/work from home (hey! YouTube algorithm). So what I am saying here is that even if you get our broke asses to stop giving the 10$/month (I think?? I have been too broke for a while now to pay for any streaming services) to Disney, you will make zero dent in their income because the old peeps are the ones paying for that stuff and they skew mostly conservative.

This is uhm.......factually fucking incorrect LOL

Why does everyone seem to think Millenials are still like 12? Let's see how old each generation is at this point:

WW II: 95 – 100

Post War: 77 – 94

Boomers: 58 – 76

Gen X: 42 – 57

Millennials: 26 – 41

Gen Z: 10 – 25

Gen Alpha: 9 and under

A lot of Millennials deadass have kids in high school or in college lol. Disney's huge moneymaker right now isn't the "nostalgia" films. The way Disney really makes their big checks is Marvel, the SW franchises, and every other massive franchise they launch. You know who isn't watching those franchises? Boomers and Gen X. You know who is making Marvel and all of those other franchises billion-dollar enterprises? Millennials and Gen Z. That isn't "Old People". That's a proven fact. That's not who Disney's target audience is. "Old People" is NO ONE's target audience. Do you not understand that the key demographic for EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE, FOR EVERYTHING is 18-34?

The BULK of the Disney+ subscriptions is being driven by all of the Marvel and SW series. Disney themselves have admitted it. You know who is paying for those subscriptions and watching those shows? Not "Old People". That's Millennials and Gen Z.

I just find it fucking funny that the same group of people who love to stomp their chests claiming to be SO PROGRESSIVE and SO PRO-LGBT is out there throwing money at a company who after being reamed over the weekend for supporting every homophobic politician in existence doubled down today with one of the most absolutely batshit crazy fucking statement I've ever seen in my life:

Bob Chapek is Disney's CEO by the way. He for real was like "Disney can't do anything...but like...subscribe to Disney+ tho. That will help us change the world ;] (It's not like we make any gay content anyway because we can't piss off the right...and we're also homophobic. But subscribe anyway! We'll use that money to keep supporting every politician that drafts up the most hateful bills intended to take all your rights away!)"

But, idk, keep making excuses so y'all can continue watching your superhero bullshit or whatever. It confirms how big of a hypocrite everyone is.

#disney #marvel #twitter #rants #anonymous #answers

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darlington-v · 3 years

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I have a question ive been asking to Wil apologists but tbf i think Ranboo apologists may have the answer?

So when Wilbur tries to get Ran on board with Tnt plan, he talks about bot harming/saving the innocents and gives 3 names, these names being of Tubbo, Slime and Fundy's.

The common thread? Ive noticed that these people are/were considered Ranboo's friends? (He and Fundy havent had a proper talk in forever, right? Despite the "Do you wanna save Fundy" thing). I was wondering if it was possible that Wil was trying to appeal to Ranboo through his friendships.

So ye

Have a nice day!

OK SO I SAW THIS AT ASS O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING AND HAVE ONLY JUST NOW HAD THE TIME TO ANSWER THIS

(/rp!!! /dsmp!!!!)

BUT

HOLY SHIT??? you're SO fucking smart dude.

i do think that's significant! and i think you're right! i think wilbur was trying to appeal to ranboo's emotions through his friendships.

im pretty sure ranboo has mentioned feeling guilt surrounding quackity and fundy before due to the like conflict during doomsday and how he denied them because he didn't wanna pick a side and then went and stayed with phil.

(which i still think wasn't necessarily picking a side, phil just gave him a place to stay like he didn't give him any form of purpose which was cool i think. [but this also doesn't mean i think ranboo isn't a hypocrite, he def is i just don't think he was actually choosing a side when he went to go stay with phil])

BUT yeah? i think that makes a ton of sense. like i don't think i've voiced this on my blog, but i think wilbur will end up framing or "exposing" ranboo for all the shit he's done that he can't remember.

like it just makes sense to me personally (which is another post i've had drafted for like a month, but... that's another post lol), and i think that wilbur getting ranboo to do his "dirty work" for what wilbur may tell himself is the greater good is just. the case? like i think wilbur is really unstable right now and i think he's just lying to himself (similarly to ranboo! it's terrifying bc im like... are we getting wilbur/ranboo team up??? but i have wavering confidence that the reason 'I Can't Decide' by Scissor Sisters is on ranboo's lore playlist is bc wilbur's going to betray him and it's gonna piss him off unlike we've seen before! [but thats another post like i said lmfao])

yeah. idk i don't have much to add onto this!!! just like. this is good stuff and i didn't even think about it like that, but i do think you're right!!! i think this is another like... manipulation tactic on wilbur's part, whether he's conscious of it and doing it maliciously or not.

tldr;

i agree!! i think it's another manipulation tactic and will eventually result in betrayal lmfao

#asks #dot--png #dsmp analysis #dream smp analysis #c!wilbur soot critical #c!ranboo #c!wilbur soot #dsmp #/rp #/dsmp #my analysis #its rly not but like its an analysis post so

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fanmoose12 · 3 years

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Idk if you still accept requests but can you please bless us with more Levihan Witcher AU?Hanji as a bard/alchemist is so on brand for her.

anon, thank you so much for this ask! you woulnd’t believe it, but this fic was sitting in my drafts for almost six months, and your ask finally motivated me to finish it! this is super self-indulgent and also my nerdiness for witcher series is definetely showing but eh.... hope you still enjoy it <3

The town of Rinde, near the edge of Redania, was as shitty as they came.

The roads were washed away with dirt, the huts (calling them houses would be an exaggeration) stood dirty and even and kids were running around, dressed in torn clothes and without any shoes on.

Needless to say, all of it disgusted Levi.

And, really, he would have skipped that town altogether, it didn’t look like there was anyone there, who was rich enough to pay for hiring him, and, since he wasn’t on a hunt for a long time, he really needed to find someone, who would toss that coin to the witcher. He would have skipped that town, he almost did, but then he heard it. His witcher senses had picked it up immediately, the faint sound, the voice that was unmistakable for him, even though Levi hadn’t heard it for almost a year.

He headed in the direction of that voice instantly, the Roach following after him with an unusual willingness. Maybe, the horse has sensed her as well. The Roach always liked the annoying bard, after all.

After reaching the small tavern near the outskirts of the town and tying Roach to the outpost, Levi stopped in front of the door, giving himself the time to change his decision.

The tavern wasn’t up to his standards. At all. Even without seeing what was inside, it was enough for Levi to see the moldy walls to understand that he was standing at the threshold to a shithole.

He should have turned around and escaped this town. The nightfall was approaching and, as far as he knew, there wasn’t a town or even a village nearby. He’d have to sleep under the stars again. It was more preferable to stepping inside the unkempt tavern.

Besides, even without his supernatural senses, he could hear that the place was full of drunkards. Some shouted out vulgar jokes and laughed boisterously, some sang loudly and quite terribly.

And amidst all of it, there it was. Her voice that was laughing and singing with the rest of the patrons. For anyone else it would have been hard to decipher just one voice out of the dozens of others, but for Levi, this voice was special.

There were no doubts in his mind anymore. He pushed the door open.

All conservation ceased as soon as Levi walked inside. Well, that was to be expected. What was unexpected was the absence of a loud cheerful shriek greeting him. Although... considering the way he parted with Hange a year ago, maybe, he should have expected it as well.

Nevertheless, she paid him no attention, didn't even look at him. Levi's mood worsened. Glaring at all the patrons, he made his way to the bar.

"Tea," he ordered gruffly.

"Tea?" the maiden, who was standing behind the bar, raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Are you sure? We have ale, beer, vodka..."

"I don't want that piss that you call ale and beer here, and I definitely do not want to taste whatever the fuck substitutes vodka in this shithole. Just simple tea. You have it, I hope?"

"I'll look around...." the maiden nodded uncertainly. "Anything else?"

"If you have some soup that'd be great."

"Alright, I'll bring your order in a minute. Are you going to stay the night?"

Levi's eyes immediately darted to Hange. She wasn't looking at him. He sighed.

"We'll see about that."

Levi spent the whole evening boring holes into the back of Hange's head. She didn't turn around even once, too busy having fun with her new friends. As he watched the merry group in front of him, Levi couldn't help but scoff. Most of them, both men and women, were already smitten with Hange. He could see it in the way they subtly touched her hand or squeezed her shoulder, in the way they smiled dreamily and blushed every time she looked at them. Hange always had an uncanny ability to charm people. If it was her silvery voice or just the natural charisma, Levi wasn’t sure. He hated it nevertheless.

Not because Hange managed to put him under her spell as well (she did not) but because he hated when Hange paid attention to someone, except him. Apparently, even witchers could be childish sometimes.

However, considering what he had told Hange at that mountain, when anger and frustration took over him, maybe, he didn't deserve her attention anymore.

Still, Levi felt bitter, watching Hange’s smiles and teasing directed on someone, who wasn’t him. He missed her, goddamn it. It took him so long to realize it, but he enjoyed Hange’s company so much. The hunts just weren’t the same, if she wasn’t by his side, splurging some weird facts she read from bestiaries at Oxcenfurt. The roads seemed longer without Hange, who filled the silence with one of her new songs or her musings about the life. And even though, Levi always acted annoyed whenever Hange claimed that the nights were too chilly, so they have to sleep together to savor the warmth, now, since she wasn’t sleeping by his side anymore, even a brightly lit fire couldn’t make the cold disappear.

Shit, he was in such a deep shit.

As the evening progressed into the night, the patrons slowly started to tinker out of the tavern. Levi watched each of them carefully, trying to guess which of these lucky bastards would leave together with Hange.

However, soon almost everyone had left. The only other person, who was still at the tavern, was Hange.

As soon as the last customer went on his way, she sat atop the table and took out her lute.

She plucked the strings of the instrument, tuning it in. Throughout the evening, Hange sang numerous songs, all of them were accompanied by laughter and applause. But not by her lute.

A special lute that was given to her by an elf after her last one was destroyed and after Levi had threatened the said elf to break her nose if she dared to put that miserable expression on a pretty face of his bard ever again.

It was a shame that Hange still refused to look at him. He always enjoyed looking at her while she played. Her expression always matched the song she was performing - if the song was fast and catchy, she would be grinning from ear to ear, lightening up the whole room, and if she was singing the sad one, the one about heartbreak and tragic love, her face was mournful, her eyes distant.

Hange started to play, and Levi recognized the song instantly.

A storm raging on the horizon of longing, and heartache, and lust

Damn, of course, she decided to sing that song. Evidently, Hange was out to torture him as much as possible.

“I dedicate it to you, Levi!” she announced after she had first presented it to him.

They were in the middle of a road, resting in front of a fire after an exhausting hunt for a Nightwraith. Well, Levi was resting after an exhausting hunt, Hange was sitting beside him, blabbering almost nonstop. She sang a song to him too, after shyly confessing that this was her latest creation.

“How the fuck can this song be about me?” Levi grunted then. “It’s about woman, dipshit.”

“Ah, but a song about a man won’t be popular amongst my fellow bards! So I had to change a few things there and then.”

“So my kiss is that sweet?” he asked, fighting back a smile.

Hange snickered, leaning in to whisper in his ear, “And it destroys me each time.”

That memory – amongst hundreds, millions of others – kept replaying in his mind, as he listened to her beautiful voice. Hange was called a genius, one of the most talented bards in all Northern Kingdoms.

Levi always considered it to be bullshit. He was sure that even in Nilfgaardian Empire there wasn’t an artist half as blessed with a gift of music as Hange was.

As she finished the song, Hange got to her feet. She slanged her lute over her shoulder and headed to the bar. As he watched her order, Levi hid a small smile – it seemed Hange was still inseparable with the damn lute. Some things never change, it seemed.

His musings were cut off abruptly, when Hange sat down at his table. In her hands she held two cups with something that smelled very much like piss. Levi cringed.

Hange finished the first mug in one go. She wiped off her mouth and then put the mug down with a loud ‘thud’. She pushed the second mug to Levi.

“Drink,” she ordered, glaring at him.

“I don’t get drun—”

“Drink,” she pressed. “I don’t care if your stupid witcher physiology enables you from getting drunk. I won’t have this conversation if one of us is sober.”

“Alright,” Levi nodded and took a large gulp from the mug. Oh, so that was ale. Disgusting. “Are you happy now?”

“Ecstatic,” Hange crossed hands on her chest. “Now answer me this – what is so interesting about the back of my head?”

“What? I don’t—”

“You do,” Hange cut him off once more. “You do understand. You’ve been staring at me the whole evening. Don’t you have something better to do? Some important witcher stuff? What the fuck are you even doing here, Levi?”

“I…” he cleared his throat, feeling small under Hange’s furious gaze. “I needed somewhere to spend the night.”

“And that’s why you decided to spend your evening in the company of drunkards, eating your soup in a corner?”

“Maybe, I’ve missed the human’s company.”

Hange threw her head back and laughed. “You missing human’s company? Don’t give me that crap.”

“Well…” for a second Levi fidgeted with a sleeve of his armor, refusing to look Hange in the eyes. It was now or never. Either he apologizes to Hange right now, or there won’t be another chance to reconcile. He took a deep breath and lifted his gaze. “Maybe, I’ve missed you.”

Hange’s eyes widened just a fraction. She composed herself almost immediately, but Levi noticed the slight change in her. Could it be that not everything was lost?

“Bullshit,” Hange answered, her tone even colder than before. “How can you miss the person, who destroyed your life again and again? Who is the sole reason for any hardship you had ever faced? Who does nothing, but shit on your future?”

Levi silently lowered his head, not even trying to stop Hange’s angry tirade. He deserved every word, every insult she threw his way. He would endure a lot more offence from her, if it meant that Hange would forgive him. If everything could go back to normal. If Levi could finally reunite with his best friend.

Hange took a deep sigh and stood up. Levi looked up at her gingerly, expecting to see her storm out of the tavern. Instead Hange went to the bar again, ordering two more mugs of ale, and returned to his table.

“They are for me,” she told curtly, when Levi tried to reach to one of the mugs. “I really can’t deal with this sober.”

“Hange…” he cleared his throat, feeling more nervous and vulnerable than when he was staring at a mob of harpies. “The way I treated you was awful… I was angry and needed someone to pour that anger out, but you didn’t deserve it. I’m asking for your forgiveness, but if you can’t grant it… just say so. I promise not to bother you after this.”

“Sweet Melitele,” Hange shook her head. “Tell me, Levi, are all witchers assholes, or was I just lucky enough to meet an exception?”

She took a long sip of ale, wincing and wiping her mouth afterwards. For a long moment, Hange stared at the table, tracing the invisible patterns on the old, wooden surface.

“I forgive you, you dumbass,” she said finally. Her words made Levi’s heart swell. He stared at her, hope shining in his gaze. “But I have two conditions.”

“Anything,” Levi promised readily.

“Anything, huh?” Hange arched an eyebrow. “Are you really that eager to have my forgiveness or are you just naturally so brave?”

“Both,” he replied, shrugging.

“My first condition,” she smiled in an almost feral manner. Shivers ran through his spine, but Levi didn’t allow himself to shudder. Showing his fear would only make Hange crueler. “I want you to help me with my experiments. I found a new potion and I need a person with fast metabolism to run some tests on it, and I need to extract four front teeth from algoul for my next concoction.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Hange nodded. “As for my first condition. My second one,” she paused, leaning in and grabbing the collar of his armor. “I need you to give me that sweet kiss of yours.”

“Well,” Levi smirked, moving closer to her, before their lips were almost touching. “Ready to be destroyed then.”

#oh god this thing is probably incomprehensible for anyone who didn't watch the show or read the books #ah well :')#levihan

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writefightandflightclub · 4 years

Text

Mixed signals

Author’s note: just a quick, simple hit of pure fluff, sweeties. Wrote this super quick idk.

Summary: you are Poe’s favoured comms officer, and it means so much to him to have your voice on the end of the line during a mission. You’re great at comms. You’ve talked him through some tough times. So why in the hell can’t he get you to speak to him when you’re face-to-face? And will his cute idea to get you talking work?

Warnings: hell, not a one.

(GIF by @cmorgana)

Poe has grown pretty fond of you over the past few months. The first time he spoke to you was over the comms, when his usual signals operator was injured and you were drafted in. He liked your style and you gelled well, and soon after he requested with the General that you be assigned to him and his squadron permanently whenever he was out on a mission. He trusted you to get the job done clearly, calmly, and decisively. You always stayed admirably cool in a crisis. And, to be honest, the other guy had always rubbed him up the wrong way, which was the last thing he needed when already under pressure.

He has come to depend on your voice on the other end of the line. Particularly the way you go over and above for him. Sometimes you talk him down if he’s scared on a mission -whether on the ground or in the air-, you boost him up when he’s hopeless, and sometimes you’ll even just keep him company through a private channel on his long flights home. You’re even ballsy enough to call him out when he’s being a dumbass, which he respects, even if he doesn’t admit it at the time. Your voice is often his lifeline, his saviour, and he’s losing count of the number of times you’ve guided him back home.

But when he’s face-to-face with you things are different. He can’t -for the life of him- get you to speak to him. It’s not like he hasn’t tried, of course. Case in point, the first time he spoke to you face-to-face, when you had just a couple of missions under your belt together, didn’t go down so well. He’d sidled over to your table in the canteen, thinking that he wouldn’t mind grabbing lunch and introducing himself to this (cute) new recruit he’d laid eyes on.

“Hey. Can I sit here?” he asks with a broad smile. “I don’t think we’ve met?”

“Yes, Commander Dameron.”

He recognises your voice instantly, suddenly turning goofy when he realises it’s you. “It’s you! From the comms!” he exclaims, with a succession of finger guns, cringing inwardly even as he does it, a heat slowly rising up his neck.

“Yes, sir. It’s me from the comms.” you slink away immediately, setting your empty tray down on the side without so much as a smile. He’s left sitting there alone, feeling like a bit of a buffoon, if he’s honest.

From then on, even in spite of that, he couldn’t stop wanting to talk to you. Your voice, the way you were with him on the comms already... did things for him, got him thinking about how he’d like to spend more time with you. But meeting you in-person, seeing how gorgeous you were, it had only cemented his attraction to you.

So, he tries again. And again. But no matter the situation, the topic, the time of day, the weather, you always seem to clam up and disappear, tight-lipped. For someone apparently skilled in communications there has definitely been some kind of break down between you. Maybe you’re just shy, he thinks; hopes, at first. But after a while he comes to the conclusion that you simply don’t want to talk to him unless you’ve been ordered to.

Finally, after months of pining, after becoming desparate to recreate the rapport he has with you over the radio, he just has to know what he’s doing so wrong. Did he piss you off? Is there something about him that you find deeply offensive? He needs to get you talking, and after some consideration, he figures out a way to do just that. At least, he has an idea and he prays it doesn’t make things any worse.

So, to implement his master plan, he approaches you in the canteen one day. He pulls you aside and softly asks if he can borrow you for a minute.

You clear your throat and respond stiffly. “Yes, sir.”

He smiles thinly when you fail to call him Poe, yet again, but motions for you to follow him anyway. He leads you into a spare bay in the hangar -now cleared out while everyone dines or hangs out in the mess hall- and gestures for you to tak a seat in the chair opposite him. Seeing the nervousness, discomfort in your expression, your tense shoulders, he reassures you that there’s nothing to be concerned about. It’s just a comms exercise. Then, he passes you a little hand-held radio and asks you to close your eyes tight.

“What’s happening?” you say, clutching the device in your fingers, your brows furrowed in confusion as you perch on the edge of your seat, clearly unwilling to relax.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions. And I just want you to close your eyes and talk to me like I’m in the air, ok? Just imagine I’m in my X-Wing, and you’re in the control room.” he sees a soft, subtle smile pass over your lips, sees you visibly unclench, just a little.

Maker, he likes looking at you. It kinda makes his heart flutter. Great, and now he’s getting nervous; he hopes this isn’t another of his utterly dumbass ideas. Only one way to find out, as per usual. Dive in.

“Black Leader to Nav Six. Do you copy?” He calls out, then mimics the “kchhh” sound of the radio.

You hesitate, your lips twitching up at the corners, but you respond. “Nav Six, I copy.”

“Do the noise.” he prompts you, with a gentle whisper.

You shake your head in confusion, flashing your teeth in a good-natured smile all the same. “Nav Six, I copy. Kchhh.”

“Black Leader to Nav 6. How’s your day going? Kchhh.”

“It’s getting a little weird, over. Kchhh.”

Poe notices your nose crinkle in amusement. He finds it adorable, and can’t help but smile in response to you. “Ok, Nav Six, I got eyes on the prize.” You must be able to hear the smile in his voice, because you reciprocate with your own broad grin. He always swears you can detect the emotions in his voice better than anyone. Always know what he’s feeling, often better than he does himself. Maybe that’s why your face drops as his tone switches, becoming more serious. Again, you mirror his expression unconsciously. “I gotta ask, Nav 6. Why do you talk to me on the comms but never face-to-face. Over.”

The radio drops from your lips and your face scrunches in mild distress. He swears a flush creeps up your neck, your skin beginning to glow with a soft sheen. He watches as you let out an audible, nervous breath, but determinedly bring the radio back up to your mouth. “Your voice alone is bad enough and then face-to-face? I have to look at you too?!” you blurt out.

“Wow, OK. Kriff. Copy. Loud and clear. Black Leader out. Kchhh.” He sits back in his chair, defeated, face agape. Maker, he hadn’t quite expected you to be that blunt. But at least he had some answers now. Mission complete?

“No, wait! I mean...” you appear to clutch the radio a little more tightly, screw your eyes up a little further. He watches your shoulders rise as you suck in a slow, deep breath. There’s something more. Something worse?

Searching your face, he leans forward again in his chair, his voice soft and gentle. “Talk to me Nav Six. Over.”

After one more long inhale you blurt out: “I have a huge crush on you, Poe!”

Oh. Oh. It’s a classic case of mixed signals.

“What?! You do?!” he smiles in utter delight, a warm feeling spreading through his chest, giving him jitters. Happy beeps. Happy kriffing beeps.

And now that you’re talking you can’t seem to stop.

Your hands are clasped together nervously, your shoulders practically tucked up next to your ears but you’re talking. “On the comms I can hide how I feel, a little, but in real life you’re so damn handsome and you smell too good and you make me so kriffing nervous that I can’t even speak.”

Now this. This he could work with. He scrapes his chair across the floor to come closer to you, and you bite your lip with apprehension as you hear the sound.

“Tell me more,” he encourages. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

You huff a little. “I was trying to avoid you finding out because it’s embarrassing and... and there’s no way you can like me back.”

He just looks at you, checking you’ve finished your outburst. Unbelievable. You really have no idea how utterly perfect you are, do you? You gulp as he shuffles his chair closer to you once again. He must be close enough for you to smell him now, he estimates, as your nostrils flare slightly, your breath quickens a little.

“Ok. Let’s review, Nav Six.” He can’t keep the smile off his face at the fact you still have your eyes screwed tight shut. “Some of that was correct- I’m handsome. I smell great. What I wanna know is why is there no way I can like you back?”

“You’re Poe Dameron...”

His eyebrows jump up in surprise and confusion. “What does that even mean?”

You laugh, hopefully realising how silly that sounds out loud.

Then he simply asks you: “Open your eyes.”

“Nuh-uh.” you shake your head, nibbling nervously on that delicious lip of yours.

“Fine, if you really don’t want to see me when I tell you I do like you back.”

Oh, you open your eyes now. You open them wide.

His eyes crinkle at the corners as he finally gets to gaze into yours. He looks up at you from beneath his pretty lashes, a little more nervous himself now. “In fact, I like you so much that I don’t even mind if you get all spluttery and nervous. If this is any indication? Then, it’s adorable on you anyway, quite frankly.” He reaches out tentatively to take your hands in his, scraping his chair a little closer. “But one thing I do kinda mind” he says, dropping his voice a little into his throat “is not getting to talk to my favourite person and look them in their gorgeous face at the same time.”

You’re grinning. “Are you done? Do the noise.”

“Sorry, Nav Six.” He says, matching your grin. “Kchhh.”

You giggle, and he just looks ardently at you, drinking you in. He traces his thumb affectionately along your jaw line, under your chin, over your bottom lip. Your breath hitches.

“See, this is exactly what I mean..” you say, becoming evidently flustered. “You ... you make me feel really... nervous.”

He leans in until his lips are almost on yours, enjoying the effect he’s having on you already. “Hmm, but I only wanna make you feel good, baby.”

Then he presses his mouth to yours, and suddenly... you’re giving him all the right signals.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x y/n #star wars x reader #sw #star wars fic #swcreators #poe x reader #poe dameron fluff #fluff #reader insert #poe dameron fanfiction #star wars fanfiction

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sanzu-sanzu-sanzu · 3 years

Note

Hii 🤸🏻‍♂️💕

💡 for the ask game ^^

oh, hello! ok gotcha

💕 What is the WIP that you are most excited about?

someone posted an hc about how sanzu keeps doing drugs bec it's the only way he's able to see his dead lover, and he doesn't care even if it kills him. i have one in my drafts inspired by this and i'm excited to continue working on it soon :)

💡 What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been inspired by?

ahahaha so i just learned like 2 months ago that decaying bodies give off a sickly-sweet kinda smell. idk how exactly but the way it was described to me makes me think it must be pungent/meaty but with a hint of cheap or expired perfume? haha but so anyway, there's a scene in chapter 8 of songs about toxic people wherein the Reader is with a man and she catches a sniff of citrus and that triggers a memory. originally, back when i still didn't have a direction for the chapter, she's supposed to remember an event wherein she was surrounded by dead bodies and beside her stood sanzu, and around them everything smelled rotten but weirdly her nose detected a sweet something in the air that she couldn't quite catch, and it was starting to frustrate her you know the way when you're faced with something so bad and so beyond your control that all you can do is be mad at the smallest thing? like how you're pissed big time and the faucet is leaking so now you scream at the faucet. so like the whole scene was grim and depressing and she's just trying to keep her eyes on him and not let him go like how she's trying to hold on to that sweet scent she's not even sure is there, except sanzu she knew was real etc ETC it was supposed to be comforting BUT so i ended up changing the whole thing bc i was having a hard time describing corpse smell 😭 it just wasn't coming out right haha

OKAY THIS HAS GOTTEN A BIT TOO LONG omg, thank youu for the ask @omi-replies !!!!! 🙇‍♀️

#i should prob have a tag #for my asks #so easier for me to find them #how about #anriqs #as in Q's like questions #wait no they're answers #OK I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING

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notachair · 3 years

Text

The role of Mobius and reflections of the viewer

Okay so I’ve had this bastard in my draft for forever but since there’s just a few hours left before the Loki series releases I’ve just tried to make this mess of a post a little *less* of a mess just to have the thoughts out there. Since from almost the beginning I had this thought, and I’ve seen others post similar ideas touching upon it since. Also excuse me for all the "we"'s cause that's an assumption I shouldn't make about all. I have no idea what's gonna happen, but here is me trying to explain why I’ve felt uncomfortable about Mobius’ character. Here we go---

Ok so. You know how:

1. Mobius have been referred to as Loki’s biggest fan?

And

2. Mobius is apparently the all-knower of all things Loki?

Also

3. The Loki promos (as far as I watched them and what I’ve gathered from the ones who *have* watched all the promos) seems to be taking TVA’s perspective?

Well, what came to mind is all of this...

That fanfic trope

You know how we in fics often times have other characters learn some about Loki’s past either through actually talking to Loki, by connecting some dots or through a vision, time travel or literally seeing a movie of his life? How we write and read these things cause we see how there are so many things unaddressed and we want the character who’s been so utterly villified (not an excuse for their actions but a commentary about how the hero/villain coding have affected the treatment of the character both in-universe and by the audience/fandom) to be *seen* in their complexity, and have things questioned and not just buy into the coding in the narrative.

We want to explore how in-universe characters would react if they had all that information they’ve been clueless to. It’s one of the reasons at least I assume. Personally I’ve been waiting for someone, just someone that knows or knows of it. Perhaps Thor could bring it up and they could finally have a proper conversation about things that have been mostly brushed over. But there has been no one. Not even one he could truly talk to. Not even one person asking “what happened?”. Personally that’s something I’ve been desiring, and a character with a role like this has been a big trope within the Loki fandom for good reason. Like how do you move forward with the character making meaningful bonds with people and tackling A1 Loki's current issues without *tackling* the past?

We’ve kept seeing Loki being described and moralized through the lenses of someone else. Not through himself (or themself/herself) without the coding taking the side. Someone being able to see these things like as if a movie, is not something in-universe characters have the ability to do. Really that’s the viewers main ability, and here we have a series and a character who’s conviniently been given that ability and power. I feel like that’s the role they’re putting Mobius in. An in-universe character, outside of the Asgardian drama family, who’s very easily gotten access to the same things as us and even more.

The key of this sentence is *more*. Cause that means he’s someone who more or less *knows* all there is to know, he knows more than any other character in the mcu and the audience. And therefore as the Loki-knower, he’ll have the most credibility in his claims. So when we see this character who claims to have studied most of Loki’s life… we see him reacting in ways unexpected and claim things that contradicts what we’ve gathered from people’s hours of dissect and analysis… the negative weight of so many of the interactions I have personally seen... It’s worrying. Since the trailers so far is coloured by Mobius’ lens, this is what the viewer sees, through the coloured lens. He may not feel included to be kind, but marvel should know how the use of that lens is gonna affect people’s views on Loki. It personally feels like I’m being put in my place like «Oh silly, you don’t know Loki as much as you think you do. Mobius is their biggest fan and the all-knower of all things Loki, and he says you’re wrong in your assesment! Loki is really just some shit, even if he’s smart!»

Mobius (/TVA) and Loki

Obviously as humans (?) they won’t feel inclined to be friendly to Loki. Does Mobius think it’s the right way to treat Loki to manipulate him into doing what they/he wants through goading and other means? I don’t believe Loki will feel too inclined to willingly work with people who sees him as untrustworthy, violates and threatens to kill him (deletion, does TVA have the power to like, throw that variant’s paper in the trash and *delete* him from existence that way? I also thought they were earth’s protectors?). But ye I haven’t liked how he’s (and TVA obviously) treated Loki so far and he better change if they’re really supposed to become buddy-cop friends as they say. And referring to him as "the biggest fan" makes one expect more positive takes than the demeaning vibes I had gotten. Their relationship arc was described as «a love story» so that gotta mean they’ll get quite well along in the end won’t they? Btw… they really gotta find other ways to describe those sort of arcs when it’s not actually gonna involve romance…

Also, when I say I don’t like how Mobius talks about Loki, this is not as a “oh no don’t talk bad about my innocent baby;-;-;” and I shouldn’t have to say that. I’m asking for some nuance, something they have afforded others before, but never really seem to allow properly for Loki. I’m asking for the context of the situations to be acknowledged. I mean since the series is gonna take an exploration of self identity and all that, and how they’ve literally been shown to watch moments from Loki’s past (and future in a different time line) and all those papers that had to be signed? I’d expect the past to be addressed in one way in another, and I’m not gonna be happy if context is just fully ignored.

And just a few more thoughts. You know how those papers were everything Loki had ever said? And how that didn’t include what others said or did? I’m wondering in what way Mobius studied most of Loki’s life. Like with both the papers and the Loki cinema, it’s not like he’s actually privy to Loki’s thoughts and motivations? And if Loki didn’t really have any friends or others he felt he could confide in, then :/// to that perspective. Also, do you think Loki’s life is the longest he’s ever had to review before? How long did that take him to view/read *most* of Loki’s life?Even if the TVA is a place out of time, it must have taken him forever! Perhaps it pissed him off so much he idk skipped from the beginning to the most recent stuff.

Apparently the series is gonna be a little bit of a mix between things, and I read a review saying the lense is more neutral? But… yea not trusting some random reviewer.

THIS POST IS A MESS AND I KNOW THAT. BUT I HAD TO GET IT OUT NOW SINCE I’LL SLEEP THROUGH THE RELEASE AND THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS AND I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT. If you read this far, many kudos to you!

#my rambles #loki series #loki series speculation #loki series apprehension #long post

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ironxkid · 3 years

Note

why don't you like endgame or civil war

((hoo buddy, idk what brought this up but salt under the cut!! Like... a lot of salt - specifically regarding Endgame lmao

I’m gonna start off with CACW because it’s a short response lol

I don’t like it simply because I was done with the infighting between the Avengers. The found family crumbs we were given in Endgame was something I really wanted to see, and them just... ripping them apart frustrated me lol

honestly, the movie was... fine? Idk, I found it to be a lil slow for my taste (it felt like it just dragged on when I watched it in theaters), and I just don’t care for it in general ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, ngl, I’m really bummed that Captain America: Serpent Society was a joke announcement because that sounds dope as hell and I really wanted to see that before I realized it’d been a joke dfgjhdsfhj

but, yeah, literally just because CACW is specifically an infighting movie annoys me to no end so I just won’t watch it again dgsfjhsfdhj

now, Endgame?

fuck Endgame

I. have a lot of issues with it, all of which are major grievances throughout the fandom. I’m pissed they killed Natasha and didn’t even bother giving her a fucking funeral because, I quote from Joe Russo, “Well, Tony does not have another movie. Tony is done. And Natasha has another film. And Marvel Universe obviously does not have to move forward linearly anymore. But that character still has more screen time coming.” (see here) and that annoys the hell out of me. She’s getting another movie - great! So you killed one of the few characters doing her fucking best to keep everything together at the compound, the one who was taking charge, give her a big role, and then murk her and... give her nothing but a brief mention at the end. Like... what the fuck? Natasha deserved so much better than what she was given. Tony’s funeral could’ve (and, frankly, should’ve) been a funeral for him, Natasha, and Vision because god forbid we see anyone mourn Vision other than Wanda

(actually this post covers how Endgame fucked over the MCU women perfectly, though Wanda’s not mentioned :c )

plus... Tony’s not done lol - he’s still a massive figure in the films/shows despite RDJ not acting in them, so his character has left shockwaves that aren’t dying any time soon. Natasha... basically disappeared, and I believe she would’ve been dropped completely if it wasn’t for the fact she does have a film coming out soon. Which, frankly, seems awesome and all, but it’s a film that goes back to post-CACW pre-IW and... frankly doesn’t give me any reason to understand why that means she didn’t get a funeral. She’s not coming back in future movies/shows that are in present MCU timeline - her movie is set in the past. She could’ve gotten a decent sendoff

now, Clint’s arc as Ronin rubs me the wrong way. I know it’s a huge thing in the comics, and it’s not him taking a different mantle that I have an issue with. It’s the fact he, a white man, went around murdering people and got off scot-free. Yes, he was targeting genuinely bad people, but... to show that, they specifically singled out Mexican cartels and the yakuza (Japanese mafia, essentially) - so, in other words, the bad guys were people of color! I feel like I don’t need to explain how fucked up that is. And, to clarify, I love Clint! Clint is honestly one of my favorite characters, and the whole thing was just handled... poorly in the film

Tony’s arc genuinely hurts. This is a man who has suffered for years and has tried to make things right, and finally got a chance to settle down. He finally retired from the Avengers, finally settled down, and had a fucking life he could enjoy despite his ghosts, and yet... His arc ends with a message of “tortured soul finally gets rest by dying”. Because, y’know, it’s great seeing yet another long-suffering character only reaching peace through death, because god forbid they let characters heal! He could’ve still caused the second Snap, and he could’ve survived. He could’ve finally been able to step away for good and focus on his family, focus on recovering, and be truly happy. What’s so wrong with letting him stay alive so he can rest and be with his family? What’s so wrong with letting a long-suffering character finally find peace after one last bang?

plus it pisses me off that they’re now using him as a reasoning as to why bad things are still happening. Why is this person the bad guy? Because Tony Stark somehow may or may not have done something that hurt them! Even though most of that really stems from Howard or Obadiah. Tony just ends up getting the blame in their place. He’s just an easy target to use, much like the tesseract seems to be the go-to answer for why things go wrong. But this is a different train of thought

Steve’s ending pisses me off just as much as the next person lmao. You take a character who has acknowledged he no longer belongs in the past (which, funnily enough, was written by the Russos), aaaaaaand have him go back to the past while ignoring two important people in his life that were still right there. He got Bucky and Sam back, and he leaves them. His arc is ruined within a matter of minutes, and it paints a hella bad picture of him in the process. He goes back in time to stay with Peggy (which ultimately destroys her own arc, and the fact she’s a person outside of her relationship (or lack thereof) with him because, y’know, why have her be able to move on and be her own person?), and we’re supposed to believe he’s fine with everything he knows from the future? Fine with knowing Bucky’s trapped with HYDRA and is suffering as the Winter Soldier? Fine with knowing HYDRA has infested SHIELD from day one? Fine with knowing Howard and Maria are going to die? Fine with royally fucking up the timelines? We’re supposed to believe he sat back and did nothing with all of that? They could’ve had him still hand the shield over to Sam - they could’ve let Steve stay an Avenger without the mantle

also the fact the Russos said he didn’t recognize Red Skull when he returned to Vormir to return the soul stone? Like... what the fuck?? Not to mention he literally returns the stone to Vormir, which “soul for a soul”, and they didn’t bring Nat back that way??

and now onto Thor. Thor... holy fuck is this hitting something personal for me. Thor was ridden with guilt - he was furious with himself, hated himself, and blamed himself for failing to stop the Snap. He fell into a massive depression, and... was promptly danced around as laughing stock. Like, “oh! look at Thor! he’s fat and drunk because he’s depressed haha!” - like fuck off. It’s not funny in any form. His suffering was made into a joke and it pisses me off because I suffer from depression. A lot of people suffer from depression. It’s not funny. It’s fucking terrifying at times. I wasted a shit ton of money on a stupid online sim game because it was a distraction - it gave me... god, I wouldn’t even say temporary happiness, but it gave me something to temporarily help, and I still hate myself for doing it. It was a poor decision on my part, and I wish I could change it. And, during that time, I was scared because I couldn’t see myself pulling out of it. I thought I was gonna feel that way forever. I called out of work multiple times because there were days I couldn’t stop crying (something I still feel horrible for doing), I couldn’t get myself to contact any of my friends for months, and it was all because the medication I was on at the time... stopped working. Thankfully, my depression doesn’t work in a way that makes me a danger to myself, so that wasn’t an issue, but it still fucking sucked. And to see a character that I could relate to on such a personal level treated as laughing stock fucking hurt. I’m not sharing this for sympathy - I’m sharing this because it Thor’s arc hit home and it’s literally the main reason why I will not watch Endgame again

this is more of a nitpick than anything else, but... I didn’t really care for Carol in it tbh? Which is unfortunately because Captain Marvel is one of my absolute favorite movies! And I’m well aware she was introduced in Endgame while CM was being drafted, but that in itself is annoying?? Because Carol was originally going to be introduced in AoU, but was cut because it wasn’t going to introduce her character properly. And yet they decide to introduce her character in a clusterfuck of a movie before her movie is in the final stages, and proceed to release her movie first and then give a complete different characterization in her following appearance

honestly I just wanna cover this now to clarify some things regarding Carter and her backstory: the only reason I keep Endgame as is is because it felt easier for me to do so for the purpose of bending canon for specific threads. I wanted to stay as true to the given plots as possible to help with fudging of both the movies and her background, and also because I didn’t want anyone to feel like I was trying to force my own headcanons onto them, y’know?

I’m just gonna plug this here because fuck it lol, but I did start a fix-it fic regarding Endgame that you can read here! I... probably won’t finish it tbh, and I haven’t gone over it in a hot minute so it might be riddled with errors ahah - plus I’m not sure about how I wrote the characters! I get nervous when writing canon characters because I feel like I’ll miss their characterization completely, which is actually why I,,, rarely rp canon characters dgfjhgsfdhj

also the image in the doc was created by @/archervale!!

#ooc #((I think I covered what I wanted and I hope it makes sense dgjhdfh #I'm pretty tired but I'm doing laundry so I figured I'd answer this while I wait #but yeah I don't care for CACW and I honest to god hate Endgame #the potential is there and it just never reached it))#((I'm not even gonna touch the Russos directing style #'hey guys we're gonna film a wedding sIKE IT'S A FUNERAL'#like?? MAJORLY different event fellas #also I'm literally going off what I remember from Endgame so I'm sure there's QUITE a bit I'm missing #but I'm not watching it to make a bigger salt post lol #I don't hate watch things because I would much rather watch something I'd enjoy #tbh I don't understand hate watching at all but that's a different conversation gsdfjhdfhj))#death mention tw #depression tw

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gifted-burnout-archive · 4 years

Text

Jim’s Best Friend

Part Eleven - How Time Flies

Word Count: 2222

Author’s Note: Big time jump time! Whoop! Also, to those on my tag list: I’ve put you down below but I don’t know if you’ll get the notification or not. I tried reading up on it, something about accounts being hidden by some setting or other... IDK, hope you still see this ok!

WARNING: none.

For previous chapters click here.

March, 2007.

A lot can happen in a year, well, ten months.

And despite phone calls and emails back and forth between you, Jim and Pam, there was a lot you missed.

After Casino Night, Jim had transferred to Stamford within a week, taking on their Assistant Regional Manager position, and after some careful consideration, Pam called off the wedding, and broke up with Roy. It was a shock for everyone including Pam, but after what happened with Jim, she realised two things:

1. She wasn't in love with Jim. 2. She didn't love Roy either.

You had helped her move into her new apartment, which was coincidentally the one you were packing up. Jan had talked to Corporate for you, and you had been selected as one of Dunder Mifflin's foreign agents, and you packed your stuff up into storage a day after Pam's cancelled wedding, and flew out to Vienna that evening.

Jim started dating one of the girls from the Stamford branch, Karen, Pam started back at art classes, taking the Dunder Mifflin designer course in New York on weekends, Ryan and a new temp took over your and Jim's spots on the sales team, Dwight got even more annoying (as reported by Pam). You had developed and quit a smoking habit at least twice, and spent the past 300 days flying from Berlin to Paris to Madrid to wherever else, collecting a small but secure list of European clients. But you all kept in touch as best you could, all doing your best to move on and up.

Things started changing when Josh from Stamford got a job at Staples. Necessary downsizing was going to close the Scranton branch permanently, but the departure meant Stamford ended up closed instead, and their staff were transferred to Scranton, reuniting Jim and Pam after months apart. Jim had phoned you about it months ago, waiting until you were at work in Madrid to call.

"Halpert? Isn't it like, 11 at night back home?" You asked, typing away at your computer as you spoke, pulling out a dictionary to remind yourself of a French phrase.

"I'm back at Scranton... And I saw Pam and, well..." He stopped, but you could hear the grin in his voice. "I've moved on. Officially. Karen and I are doing great and now, Pam and I are actually back to where we were. Friends..."

"I'm really happy for you Jim... It took a lot of you, she knows that." You smiled, glancing over to your colleague Miguel, who tapped his arm. You glanced at the clock. "Shit, I've gotta head for a meeting. Can I talk to you tonight?" You asked.

"Sure... We need to get you back on US soil, Y/N. Doesn't feel the same here without you." Jim said softly, and you bit your lip.

"About that..." you muttered, but Miguel was getting impatient. "Got to go! Love ya, bye!" You set the phone back on the receiver and grabbed your coat, rushing after Miguel to your next business meeting.

—

"Do I think it's unfair that Y/N got to go to Europe?" Dwight looked into the camera. "Of course I do. Not only was the job never publicly advertised by Dunder Mifflin, they sent her to the home of my ancestors without so much as a thought of me. Dwide Shroode, my great grandfather, was a man of great honour in Europe."

"Are you going on about Europe again? Dwight, she went to Spain... And we're all pretty sure your great grandfather was a soldier under Hitler during the war." Pam called from her desk, and Jim chuckled.

"He was a war hero!" Dwight said in defence.

"Criminal... Losing side become war criminals." Jim corrected with a wink to the camera.

—

"Había sido un placer hacer negocios con usted, señor." You said with a smile, shaking hands with the client, following Miguel out of the room.

"You were right to wear that top..." Miguel muttered as you both headed out to the waiting car. You were fast approaching a year as an international agent, and Miguel had been there since day one.

"Wow. Thanks Miguel." You rolled your eyes, and the pair of you stopped before breaking into laughter. "Fuck yes I was right. At least half my clients are with us because of my rack." You chuckled, getting into the car.

"Ready for the Vienna meeting?" He asked, the car pulling out and starting the trip to the airport. Your bags were in the back, your files from the temporary office packed up for you by an intern.

"If it leads to what I think is happening, then yeah... Scouting for a year is long enough." You commented, and Miguel nodded. He was from Spain, brought on by Dunder Mifflin from a third party company to help out with convincing new clients: he knew the right restaurants, the local dialect, the customs. When you had arrived, he spent a week running you through things you should be doing to secure clients.

"I'll miss you when you go." He said decidedly, and you smiled back at him, relaxing into your seat. It really had been a great year. When you were about halfway to the airport, you phone rang, and Miguel slipped in a pair of earphones so as to not eavesdrop.

"Hola, esta es Y/N de Dunder Mifflin. ¿Como puedo ayudar?" You answered the phone, only to hear English on the other end.

"Y/N, it's Jan."

"Oh, hi Jan. What do I owe the pleasure?" You switched to English, your smiling disappearing when you heard her sigh.

"I just got word... The Vienna meeting isn't looking like good news for you." She sighed, and you sat up.

"I... I've made more sales than anyone else in the Europe group..."

"I know. I know... I wanted to phone, in case they tried some stunt and let you go now that they are closing the division." She said slowly, and you nodded, trying to think.

"Why are they closing us down anyway?"

"The company took at gamble with the project to begin with, and want to shift one of our branches in the north east into an international business headquarters, teach the staff already there how to deal with the clients you've amassed." Jan explained. "Money's tight, and Upper Management can't reason a new branch opening in Vienna."

"And I'm not being moved to the International Headquarters?"

"The chances are slim..."

"Then, what do I do Jan? If they let me go here and I don't get transferred..." You started to panic, and Miguel glanced over, now concerned.

"Y/N, Y/N... Don't worry, I'll be looking on your behalf. Just... Just get through today, and fly back here the minute the meeting is over. We'll sort it out in New York, ok?" Jan assured you, and you thanked her before ending the call. Jan was your corporate contact, and after she had got you the position in Madrid, she had been keeping you up to date with decisions made back home. Up until then, everything had been looking positive for the Europe branch. It was out of the blue, but at least you knew now. You could expect the worst.

"Everything ok, Y/N?" Miguel asked, and you sighed.

"I'll be in New York by the morning..." You said, and he nodded, understanding that the worst was coming. You both fell silent after that, through the drive to the airport, and security, and on the plane. You needed to think over your next steps, and spent the time on the plane writing in a small notebook, drafting a CV, just in case it was needed.

—

"Michael, Michael please..." Jan spoke over the speaker phone, interrupting Michael's corny opener. "This is about Y/N."

"Oh right, how is the traitor?" Michael asked, still pissed off by your leaving the Scranton branch. Jim overheard Michael and Jan, and ended his call, leaning back to listen in through the ajar door.

"They are shutting down the Europe project, and I realise the merger has filled up all the vacancies in your office, but I'm looking for some options for her." Jan said, and Jim beckoned Pam over to listen in.

"You shouldn't-" Dwight started, but the pair shushed him.

"She betrayed me... But wouldn't you just put her in with corporate?" Michael whined, and Jan let out a loud, long sigh.

"The information I have is that... Well, they're laying off the entire Europe team. Giving their work to the Rochester branch. Quick and easy way to save money." Jan admitted, and Jim and Pam shared a look.

"Even if we did have space in Scranton, we wouldn't want her Jan." Michael said quickly, lifting the phone and ending the call. He noticed the shuffling outside his door, and got up, flinging the door open to see Jim and Pam scrambling back to their desks, pretending they hadn't heard a thing. He looked around for a few more moments, shutting his room door and hiding himself inside.

The moment he was gone, Jim walked up and over to Pam. "Pam, you helped arrange Y/N's flights out, didn't you?" Jim asked, and Pam nodded. "Think you could find out when she's getting home? We could go meet her at the airport?" Jim suggested, and Pam smiled brightly.

"I'll see if I can find the info. You send her an email, see what she says about the whole thing. We need to know how down in the dumps she is." Pam ordered, and Jim tapped into her desk, heading back over to his computer, smiling over to Karen as he sat down.

They had been based in Scranton for a little while now, started dating, and Jim had explained his old feelings for Pam. And Karen understood, all of it. In fact, they were better than ever now. She came over after a half hour or so.

"So, tonight... You free?" She asked, leaning on his desk. Jim stopped typing and gave her a smile.

"I can't tonight, Pam and I are going to pick up an old friend from the airport... Do you want to come?" Jim offered, and Karen shook her head.

"It's fine, but you owe me, Halpert." She smirked, heading over to her desk.

—

And just like that, you were out of a job.

Corporate had tried to be nice about it, sure, and offered a severance package, but what you wanted was somewhere to work. If your life had gone differently, then severance and a chance to stay in Spain or Austria for the rest of your life would have been great, but you had only ever had Dunder Mifflin.

No college, no family. You barely scraped through high school and now all you had to your name was a suitcase of personal effects and eight years or so with a company that was downsizing. And as much as you wanted to believe that loyalty, dedication and language skills were going to get you a job, it was more likely that you would end up working in a fast food restaurant and couch surfing.

Jim had sent an email, telling you he had heard, but you didn't even have the energy to respond.

Your flight home was long, and you spent most of it staring out a window and picking at airplane food, wondering how in the name of God you would move forward from this. Maybe Jan had an idea, she had been a mentor to you while you were away, offering sound advice in times of trouble.

It's not like you could even go back to Scranton. The Stamford Merger had bulked out the workforce, there was more of a sales team in that Pennsylvania branch than there was in the whole Europe project. And you weren't looking to be squeezed in out of pity. You had self-respect.

After a sleepless flight, and landing at JFK as the clock struck 11 that night, you didn't feel good about being home. You didn't feel good about anything.

You grabbed your bags, your phone flashing with voicemails from Jan and a text saying she would talk to you tomorrow as you turned it back on. A drink would be nice, but terrible for the morning to come. A fresh set of clothes wouldn't kill you...

You stopped off at the bathroom, searching through your case to find a nice top and jeans, changing into something that made you feel more comfortable. You let your hair down out of the tight bun you had locked it in, and took a moment to look in the mirror.

Things had changed in a year. You had dyed your hair a little darker, your skin had tanned, you had lost some weight. The bags under your eyes were too visible, so you quickly shuffled through your makeup and pulled out some concealer, and tidied your face a little.

Maybe a drink would be good, stop having to flirt in Spanish... You fastened your suitcase back up and headed out, dragging your suitcase behind you and heading for the exit into the main airport building.

"Y/N!!" Two voices shouted, and you turned only to be tackled into a tight hug, two sets of arms wrapping around you and cementing you as officially 'home'.

Tags: @imsuperawkward @rosie2801 @onceuponahuntersrealm

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hjbender · 4 years

Note

Hi it's that Donald Blake au anon, and I agree I don't like Donald in general it's weird and sometimes in the comics he has a stick that he's always holding onto then he bangs it and somehow becomes Thor, idk. But the au is something that really interested me cuz it has so much potential, like is Thor an Avenger in this au, does he have to wait til Loki is not looking to go and save the world? Or is he not worthy yet and somehow choosing to reveal himself to Loki the real way to be worthy?

OH HAI AGAIN, ANON. THANK YOU FOR RETURNING

Yeah, I’m kind of glad the writers and directors decided to leave out the whole “mild-mannered human alias” from the Thor franchise. Really, so many superheroes already have alter egos—Peter Parker is Spider-Man, Ryan Reynolds is Deadpool, literally every single one of the OG Avengers except Thor has another name—that for once it’s nice to just have Thor be Thor.

But as far as that brilliant idea you pitched, in the first couple drafts of my answer, I actually started to rewrite Thor (2011) to make your idea fit with canon. However, after getting stuck a couple times, I started thinking it might work better away from canon (specifically Earth 616), more like a true alternate universe, no Avengers or Thanos or anything. Or, to make things simpler, it could just be a Porn With Feelings deal where the story is driven by characters and drama (and, of course, porn).

For the PWP approach, Thor masquerades as an MD on Earth because he genuinely likes to help people and having a human form helps him escape detection, or possibly keep his powerful electromagnetic radiation field from harming humans. In any case, Loki is unaware of his brothers super-secret human identity.

Somehow Loki bites off more than he can chew or pisses off the wrong supervillain—it’s practically his hobby, isn’t it?—and ends up getting his ass beaten and thrown to Earth. Miraculously, Thor (as Don Blake) is there to help him, and Thor can’t risk getting his cover blown, so he just plays along while Loki regains use of his limbs and/or powers (a perfect opportunity for some hurt/comfort whump sickfic type tags). Thor brings Loki to his apartment until he can fully recover, and in that time, Loki finds himself bonding with this disabled and good-natured human man who reminds him so much of his brother… and thus begins the forbidden romance and angst-ridden relationship drama.

...okay, so the PWP setup actually has a lot more plot than your average smutfic. (But just think of all the opportunities for medical kink in this one. Like Loki pretending he feels hot and achy and insisting that Blake give him a thorough, private exam… on the kitchen table… with stethoscopes and tongue depressors and lots of poking and prodding and pelvic exams. Anyone? No? Just me?)

The actual canon setup is the one I tried (unsuccessfully) to write out, but here’s a bullet list of the basic plot (get comfortable, this gets kind of long):

After defeating the frost giants in Norway in 900-something, Odin secretly makes a deal with Laufey to raise Loki as his own son, then marry him off to Thor so they can establish everlasting peace with Jötunheim (just like Odin and Frigga did to stop the Æsir-Vanir war). Thor and Loki’s children will be heirs to both royal houses. Upon Thor’s ascension to the throne, Odin will then return the Casket of Ancient Winters to its rightful place, and Jötunheim will flourish again with Asgard as its protector/ally

Loki is a lot more autonomous and independent than his original cinematic depiction, traveling the realms to learn seiðr and be an ambassador (and cause mischief, naturally, but nothing that can’t be fixed or used to his advantage). He’s always held a secret torch for his brother but knows there’s little/no hope of it ever being reciprocated, thus he stays away from Asgard as much as possible

Thor loves and misses his brother (perhaps too much). Their parents would surely disapprove of their relationship, gods or not, and besides, Loki is too much of a free spirit, a wanderer, content with his own company. Asking anything more of him (like a grounded, committed relationship) is something Thor could never do

Loki returns to Asgard on the eve of Thor’s coronation with gifts and smiles, and Thor embraces him with deep affection. They almost confess their feelings to one another, but shy away at the last moment (damn!)

Meanwhile, Malekith the Accursed (comics version Malekith, who is a lot sexier and generally more interesting/diabolical than his MCU counterpart) doesn’t like that Laufey is planning to make peace with Asgard and sever his alliance with Svartalfheim, and somehow breaks into the Vault on Thor’s coronation day just so he can frame Laufey and sour the arrangement with Odin

Odin decides not to act, sure that something else must be going on. Loki decides to take the intellectual route and do some investigating while Thor and his warrior companions sneak into Jötunheim to kick some ass

Thor accuses Laufey of wrongdoing, just as Malekith wanted, and almost incites a war with the frost giants. Odin banishes him to earth to live as a disabled human man until he can learn some humility

After much screaming at the sky and manly weeping, Thor finally accepts his fate and his new human identity

Enough time passes (months? A year?) that Thor eventually learns to be humble and considerate, helping other humans physically and emotionally in the medical field (I imagine him becoming an orderly at a local hospital since being a doctor requires years of education and money. Also, being thrown to Earth without a penny to his name will help Thor work through some of his entitlement and privilege issues. I headcanon he was aided by some good-hearted humans who were able to find employment for him and a place to stay, help him get on his feet, basically)

With Thor out of the way and the royal family torn apart, Malekith begins preparing for his attack on Asgard

Loki doesn’t know that Thor is trapped in a human form, only that he was banished and all contact forbidden. Loki is suspicious of the frost giants and goes to Jötunheim alone, where Laufey reveals everything to him—including Loki’s betrothal to Thor

Loki is stunned at first, unable to believe that the thing he’s wanted most was always meant to be his, and he hurriedly leaves Jötunheim

He tries to sneak to Midgard without using the Bifrost, but Malekith catches him en route and they fight. He throws a binding spell on Loki to render him powerless and then beats the living daylights out of him

Loki crash lands on Earth not far from where his brother was banished (he had been following the last known path from Asgard to Midgard), and is rendered temporarily powerless and amnesiac, not remembering anything about his fight with Malekith, Thor’s banishment, or why he was on his way to Midgard

Loki wakes up in a hospital bed with a kind human man looking after him. After an unsuccessful escape attempt, he settles in and finds himself comforted by Donald Blake’s presence. It’s… soothing, somehow familiar…(maybe it’s the drugs talking)

Thor instantly recognizes his brother but he cannot reveal himself, either because he’ll look insane/lose his job or maybe Odin made it so he’s unable to even speak the name “Thor” until he’s worthy again. In any case, Thor decides it won’t hurt to beat Loki at his own game just this once (Loki has played this prank on him more times than Thor can count). He ends up taking Loki back home with him once he’s discharged from the hospital

As his memories and powers slowly return, Loki is surprised that Blake listens to and believes everything he claims to be, and soon grows to trust and even like the man. He’s never really had a true friend before… except for his brother, Thor, of course. Blake reminds him so much of Thor…

While things gradually heat up between Loki and Blake-Thor, Malekith disguises himself as Loki (just as he did in the War of the Realms comic arc) and returns to Asgard. Odin and Frigga learn that Loki had indeed traveled to Jötunheim and confront their “son” about what he might have learned there

Not knowing it’s actually Malekith they are speaking to, they reveal the truth about Loki’s parentage and upbringing, and the reasons for his betrothal. Malekith is shocked, then amused at his good fortune. He decides to use this information to his own advantage

Malekith plots to bring Thor back to Asgard and insist that they be married at once. Thor will be crowned king, and when Thor finishes swearing his oaths, Malekith will steal Gungnir and kill Thor with it (and the entire royal family of Asgard). He will then steal the Casket of Ancient Winters, return to Jötunheim, kill Laufey and all the rest of his clan, and then head to Midgard to finish off the last of that bloodline: Loki. Then, with the power of Gungnir, Mjölnir, and the Casket of Ancient Winters, nothing will be able to stop him from bringing war and chaos to the Nine Realms

My brain is smoking and on its last cylinder right now, and I know this post is already decades long, so I’m gonna cheat and skip the whole part where Thor and Loki somehow learn about Malekith’s plot (maybe the Warriors Four come to Earth to warn them), and Thor becomes worthy again, revealing himself to a stunned Loki, and they all go flying back to Asgard, beat Malekith in an epic battle, and save the day

Once the dust has cleared, Thor is crowned king to an audience of Æsir and Jötnar, followed immediately by his and Loki’s wedding. Everyone cheers, Volstagg weeps and uses Fandral as a handkerchief, and Malekith gets a tiny slice of the wedding cake down in the dungeons

The end 🍰

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sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 3 years

Text

Just found out Grandma has cancer and she's moving in with the hospital bed package I helped put together today at the house.

The lady says she weighs less than 100 pounds and needs an oxygen tank.

This don't even feel real.

I'm helping the lady setup the bed, lifting stuff, and cleaning out the bunch of clothes and junk that nobody uses and it really didn't kick in...

It still hasn't.

My heart Andy hand was shaking as I had to sign the delivery note.

Not even a "Good luck with your Grandma" or "Condolences to you and your family" I told the delivery lady she had cancer and we're talking about it like its a happy topic on the news. She had music to keep her going as she picked up stuff off the truck. I wanted to tell her come back, wait...like are you sure you got the right house?

Like are you sure mom and dad or grandma isn't playing. Cause I haven't seen her in like a month. My clothes and stuff is still at her house in Grand Rapids.

And I don't wanna run into any arms. Like I don't wanna hear nothing but silence for the next 3 or 4hrs.

I'm trembling, shaking, paranoid.

I almost had a panic attack after that lady left. Well let's be real, I did.

But the fact that everybody else in this family is acting like this shit is normal and everybody wants me to behave....I can't say or do shit about it.

Like my room is connected to her room. Imma have to get used to walking past her bed just to use the bathroom. And eat?

I don't even know if I will, cause here's the thing....mom and dad are most likely gonna put me on duty. And last time when I spent a week with her, taking care of her...I was so stressed out, that I didn't even eat.

And cancer did pop in my head as a worst case scenario, because we had no clue what she had and she seemed ok when I got kicked out in March.

She avoided doctors and the hospital for years after her surgeries. I just....

I don't even know if I wanna know what stage she is at. Cause last time I stayed, when we had that argument, she wasn't eating too good, cheeks sunken in, I knew something was wrong. Even her house, her dishes were all piled up with black mould on em from being in the sink of dirty water too long. It felt like we stepped into a resident evil house from that one in the country. Even momma said that's not like her, because old ocd Clara, does not play about cleaning dishes. Soups did her no good and she was only getting down like 2-4 pieces of watermelon that daddy had brought. And her house in the summer is hot as heck, so I'm glad daddy had bought her that air purifying fan. She just did not go to the hospital. She said no for the longest when we offered to take her.

I'm glad she finally said yes.

But I don't know how far along she is. Everything has changed so much in less than a year.

I don't even know if I'll be the same after this. And I got a giant ear and toothache that keeps creeping in when I get too stressed like this.

I pray I stay away from drinking. Cause my hallucinations get worse after drinking...I really need to see a psychiatrist about that.

I just hope mom and dad don't start fussing again at home, it's already tight, mom is still going through alzheimers grief with our other grandma. Like she forgot her name already once. And these two strong black women that I grew up on are near 70. Clara, with cancer 67.

I don't even know what my father feels about this and that's what scares me the most. Cause he's mostly been the type to say he's okay, doing fine or alright if I ask him how he feels, buy he doesn't ever really change unless something super pisses him off...like cars parking too close when there's empty spots, drivers doing wide turns, people walking 8 ppl wide on the sidewalk at an amusement park or public event.

Or if he gets into with momma, but they haven't fought as much since I left in March...

But idk. With those two both on edge, the only time they can talk about emotions in a calm way is when they drink or go out to the bar, eat some wings, and get some drafts going while watching the game.

But that was younger dad, and this is now. Now...I assume he's gonna do a lot more golfing...

Idk how they're gonna manage us helping out.

But I pray I find my own job and apt soon. I wouldn't wanna live in chaos. Nor do I wanna fight about it either with my family, that have been known to push duties on me without really helping or noticing the people pleasing problem I learned from serving them all these years. I've never been allowed to say no to my mother and father. They always get upset with me when I do.

I don't wanna go through this alone, but as God showed me the ppl who really were a bad influence on my life, I don't have many friends to rely on to support me and pour my heart out too. After being hurt even when I dealt with the aftermath of that fight with mom, I found myself alone much more often than I thought. Missing the wrong ppl.

I'm not making that same mistake again. I'm not gonna make that silly mistake and call a guy only for him to take advantage of me sexually. I'm not having sex or making out with anybody unless we're committed to each other and he's already proven he's with me for love and not just sex.

Cause there are nice guys who try to outsmart women who would rather have sex after commitment, only to play them after giving the gf title.

How the fuck did I get to this topic, and I just found out Grandma Clara has cancer and we don't know how long for or what stage she's at?

See how far my mind overthinks in critical situations like this?

Now I'm off to watching Kenny Rogers cause I'm feeling a country craving right after I just cried my tears and helped clean her room, assembled her bed..

Ppl don't usually prepare for having a family member you didn't expect to take care of for cancer, it sorta feels low, because I don't know what to expect when she comes tomorrow...I don't know exactly what's gonna happen, but I pray I get a job close by so I can at least have a place to stay away from my already crazy home, and get moving on goals and dreams.

But I know why I feel so obligated to leave and to stay for grandma in flint...because I don't know what's going to happen to her or to me. And she's been apart of me for such a long time. She used to be the only person who understood me when I would get to sensitive or have depression, separation anxiety, seeing or feeling dead people, reading dreams intuitively together. Me and her was like the grandpa off of Roald Dahl's Willy Wonka story. She was the older version of me, and nobody understood me like her. Everybody else in my family would make fun of me for being like her. Whenever mom thought I did something that reminded her of Clara, she'd called me by her first name "Clara." Cause she raised me awhile when dad and sometimes mom went to work. Daddy at football games in college, but I think he had to drop out after me....I kinda thought back and thought I was a burden as the reason why they always seemed to overwork me so young as the oldest. Put a smile on your face and go to your room to cry. Kinda like cinderella. Well grandma Clara said it....she always worried about that when she visited.

Her personality was similar to how Ms. Lisa was on Sister Sister. Ms. Talkative, except her favorite color was purple 💜 and she always had an ego, and intuitive perspective on alot of things. She could see things as if she knew what was gonna happen next, like predicting a chess move. Very determined, independent, she hates being wrong, and she'll bark her mouth off if you tried to debate with her. She liked dressing up and going out. But when she's frugal, she'll cook something at the house. Oh, and she loved sweets. And she loved to talk.

I mean lots. I would say our usual was 2hrs, but that was so long ago. I definitely feel the change settling in. Only time will tell.

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