#your brain really does just make up whatever shit it wants when you're dreaming huh? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bluecookies02 · 3 years

Text

Hawks x F!Reader-forgetting an anniversary (mentions of NSFW)

mostly fluff tho🥺 and crack.

You were furious.

It's okay to forget it once, but TWICE.

That just simply means he doesn't give a shit ladies.

It was now 10pm and you were still waiting for Hawks to get home.

Keigo 🐓:

~Might be late, don't wait up. Love you.

sent: 05:00 pm

"ughh" you huffed throwing a pillow at the wall.

"Don't wait up nya nya nya" you mocked to yourself, rereading the same text over and over again.

At first you thought he was messing with you(when he went to work without mentioning anything ).

You at least hoped he was planning something, maybe a dinner, even a movie night, fuck even a quick peck on the cheek and "happy anniversary" would do at this point.

noPe.

~If he wants to act this way he can fucking sleep outside~ you thought to yourself, getting up to lock the house door and close all of the windows.

You hopped back into your bed, deciding to sleep away the sadness and anger you felt at this particular moment. At least in your dreams he can't fucking disappoint you.

---

"Must be a bummer" Miruko mumbled walking past him, throwing some papers in the bin. The ugly side of hero work was always the reports they had to give out.

"What?" Hawks asks dismissively, gathering his belongings.

"Having to work this late when it's your anniversary with Y\N...They are a bunch of bitches for not letting you take a day off, especially with the low crime rate these days"

Fuck.Shit.Crap.

That's not today.Nonono.

He glanced at his phone hoping to everything alive that Miruko messed up.

Nope. Not his luck.

"Oh shit...you forgot?Again??!"

Hawks slumped his head in embarrassment. He'll be lucky if he doesn't get his feathers plucked out tonight.

"You have to help me!!"

"Come on Mir, we've been working non stop... of cou-" Miruko cut him off by flicking his forehead .

"I can't believe you, I've been working the same hours as you and I remembered YOUR anniversary, now stop trying to find an excuse and think! What can we do to save your sorry ass?"

---

11:30 pm.

Well fuck there's still time right?

Hawks had flowers,vine and some stupid snacks he found at work.

"This won't fucking work" he mumbled to himself.

He tried to open the door but he found them locked.

He fished out the spare key from his pocket, unlocking the door and taking a deep breath.

He practically ran to their shared room mumbling "Fuck the doormat" on his way.

He busted through the bedroom door, trying to pull out his best "I didn't forget my boss is just an asshole" look.

You only glanced at him for a second, before burying your head under the covers.

"Fuck off" you whined from under the blankets, clutching them to your head.

"You're not buying it huh?" Hawks stated placing everything on their bedside table.

Your groan was enough of an answer.

At least last year he had enough time to plan an emergency date.

He quickly changed into his sleeping shirt and sweatpants, throwing everything he took off, over a chair.

You were now sitting on the bed your arms crossed waiting for whatever excuse Hawks was about to make up.

"You have nothing to say?" you asked staring at him.

"Is there something that can help me right now?" he questioned placing his head against the headboard.

"No but you can at least try!" you yelled, puffing up your cheeks.

"I'm sorry..."

"That's it?"

"Probably...I got you flowers?"

"It's obvious that you just snatched them from our fucking garden."

"Then that's it..."

"Fuck you" you whispered turning away from him, ready to sleep again.

What does one do when they disappoint their wife?

"You're just gonna let me go to sleep angry?"

"WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THEN?" he snapped at you, a groan leaving his lips.

You turned around to find him holding his head in his hands.

"Sorry I didn't mean to yell" he apologized reaching his arm to your hair, brushing it with his fingers gently.

"Whatever" you huffed leaning into his hand.

"I have a proposition" he said moving closer to you.

"I'm listening"

"I can fuck your brains out and we can see if that makes up for this, yeah?"

"You really think sex is going to fix it??"

"Okay fine I accept" Y\N whispered throwing herself over her husband, already pulling his shirt off.

Keigo grinned happily.

Maybe he should forget it next year too?

#hawks fluff #hawksxreader #hawks imagine #hawks x reader #hawks x self insert #hawks x y/n #takami keigo #keigo takami x reader #keigo x reader #mha #bnha #miruko #mha fanfiction #hawks x reader fluff #hawks x reader lemon #if u squint

1K notes · View notes

sebstanseabass · 3 years

Text

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 9

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

CHAPTER NINE

For the first time in your life, you awoke in your own pool of sweat and with the fresh thoughts of Bucky as he managed to scoop you up with his strong lean arms and take you right then and there at the kitchen counter in your wild, vivid memory of dreams.

You blamed Nat for this. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't even have inappropriate thoughts towards Bucky. Yes, you did notice his strong masculine exterior, jaw sharp as a killer's knife, body as strong as a boulder, and legs that could easily kill but did you have any thoughts on advancing towards him? No, absolutely not. He was Peter's stepbrother for crying out loud. But last night, something changed in the laws of physics. It was as if two resting bodies silently reacted to one another without a sudden force acting upon the two.

That morning, you didn't dare find out if Bucky was still in your apartment. You skipped your morning run and headed up towards the rooftop using the ladder right outside your window with a hot cup of coffee in your hand (which spilled a bit on the way up, by the way) and enjoyed the scent and sight of the dirtier part of New York City -- all its damp, cigarette covered pavements.

For the next few days, you saw no sign of Bucky. He hadn't been in the bar or in your apartment, as much as you wished he would stop by once in a while. But then, you would hear Peter talk to him on the phone every single night.

You never thought Bucky's lack of presence would start to bother you. It wasn't just the feelings of sudden desire you had for him but also the weird time you shared together -- as if you were just old friends catching up. You found it absolutely crazy how a lot of things just happened in the course of a day.

You wanted to ask Peter about Bucky's whereabouts, just a casual slip of "Hey, where's Bucky?" but you never dared to ask. So when Peter blabbed during a movie night that Bucky had been way too busy managing some business meetings, gatherings, and whatnots ever since he got back in the city, you were more than glad.

Nat had been coming to the bar every night ever since Tuesday, picking up extra shifts. She kept badgering you about Bucky this and Bucky that. She was one of the reasons why you couldn't keep Bucky out of your head. Her sudden long shifts at the bar wasn't only because she was so invested with your nonexistent dating life or, to her, a possibility of one with Bucky, but because she and Steve were secretly hooking up. Of course, she didn't tell you that. It's not like she needed to, anyway. It only took one sniff of Steve's strong scent on hers for you to find out.

Every passing day at the bar felt so slow and the same. The only thing that changed was Peter rejecting a drink on one Thursday night.

"Woah, what got your knickers on a twist?" You asked as soon as he approached the counter.

"I'm just not in the mood, y/n." He sighed. "Can I just have a glass of water, please?"

"Of course. Coming right up." You slid the glass of water on the counter towards him, your fingers drumming against the thick wood. "So, what's bothering you?"

He looked up at you with sulky eyes. "Oh god, you really are a bartender."

"And your best friend. So, what's up?"

He shook his head nothing, sipping the glass of water like a scotch.

His little act was unconvincing. Especially that he didn't try hard enough to conceal whatever he was feeling.

"Parker." You insisted. "Come on, what's up?"

"You see right through me, y/n."

"Don't flatter me too much," you rolled your eyes, "you're just easy to read."

But Peter was also stubborn as a bull. He wouldn't budge or give you any clue on what was bothering him. You thought that leaving him as you tended to other bargoers would eventually give him time to change his mind but you were proven wrong. It itched your brain that he wouldn't tell you whatever it was. You usually told each other everything. But then again, you haven't really been open with him with your growing desire for his stepbrother -- which, you hoped you never would, as you hoped all those feelings would eventually go away and keep it in a state of latency.

Peter stood by his ground, consuming no ounce of alcohol and keeping his mouth shut the rest of the night. You knew when to keep away from other people's business, even if it was your best friend's. You did try to make his evening lighter though, checking up on him and telling some old, classic bartender stories, seeing as he was clearly in an uncomfortable state but all he kept telling you was: "You're killing me, y/n. You're absolutely killing me."

You felt a heavy feeling on your chest with his surprisingly fierce tone. You urged him to go home after that, so he did.

"Dick." You mumbled after he left.

Nick walked towards the counter. "What's wrong with your roommate?"

"Wish I could tell you."

You and Nick have been getting along well despite you rejecting him. Nat kept telling you it was a way of manipulating you or some sort, to get you close to him but nothing has really happened ever since he asked you out. There wasn't a change in mood in the atmosphere, or even the way he treated you. Just some good colleagues working together.

The next night, Peter was more in the mood and even apologized to you for the way he behaved last night. "Now, for some great news."

"Does this mean you're having a drink?" You asked.

He nodded eagerly and patiently waited for his beer. Once he got his cold sip, he continued talking: "So, I've been really in a slump lately because I'm kind of lovesick. But then -- "

"Wait, what did you say?" You knitted your brows together, catching the last word he said. "Did you say lovesick? You son of a bitch, are you in love?"

"Language!" Out of nowhere, Steve yelled over the buzzing noises inside the bar. You snickered and he just gave you a look before he disappeared back into his office.

He is such a grandpa.

Peter chuckled. "To be honest, I have been for a very long time."

Your jaw dropped on the floor, ears all perked up, wanting to hear every detail of this. "And you never thought to tell me? Parker, I've been your best friend since forever. Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because..." He trailed off, avoiding your stare. "It's not that big a deal."

"Okay, was this after that bitch Denise?"

"Actually, waaaay before that."

"Oh wow, that long, huh?" You replied. "Oh my god, is it someone we know from college? Shit, is it MJ?"

"No, it's not!" He replied. "And I'm not telling you who because I don't have actual plans on pursuing her." He sighed through his nose while taking a big sip of his beer. He brought down the bottle on the counter with a loud thud.

"So, it's a girl."

He grunted in reply.

You laughed. "So, why not pursue her?" You asked while multitasking. You handed a bowl of peanuts to the man beside Peter who was asking for it. "Is she taken? Does she have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?"

"No, she doesn't."

"So, why the hell not, Parker?"

You impatiently waited for an answer from Peter as it took him a couple of minutes to do so.

"Because I don't think it's a good idea. I don't think it will ever work." He answered, scratching the label on his beer bottle with much frustration. "I've thought about all the probabilities, but every single one of them ends the same."

"And what is that?"

"That it won't work out."

The thing about Peter was he never dive into things headfirst. Even though he was a dumbass, he was always a man of intellect who calculated everything in his head before committing to something.

"Why is it always statistics and probabilities and all that crap with you?" You let out an exasperated sigh. "What if for once in your life, follow your goddamn heart? You keep treating everything with a business mind. Go with what your gut tells you to do. Don't think too much about it because the heart wants what it wants, Parker."

Peter gazed at you for a few moments, perhaps finding the right words to say but he just shook his head and fought against his feelings. "I can't do it, y/n. I badly want to, like, it's already at the tip of my tongue. I badly want to tell her but I can't. I don't want to know what's gonna happen next. I'm just scared of what's gonna happen. I don't think I can take it."

As much as you wanted to convince him to go for the girl, you let it go. You've said what you had to say but it was always up to him whether he takes your advice or not. "So, what now?"

"Well now, I'm going to tell you the good news, the one you robbed me off when you batted in."

You rolled your eyes. "What's the good news, Parker?"

"Me and my colleagues will go on a corporate retreat for at least a week!"

You raised an eyebrow, writing a confused expression on your face. "How is this good news?"

"I'll be gone for a week, away from the city, away from my love problems and all that. I think it'll be good for me." Then, a smile started to form on his lips. "There, I'll leave all my worries behind."

"Parker, it's just a one-week corporate retreat, not a sabbatical." You grimaced, unimpressed with the whole thing. "You're not gonna get over this thing in just seven days."

"You don't know that." He scoffed. "I'll be a new man once I get back. You'll see."

"Sure." You replied, a hint of sarcasm laced in your tone.

"Oh, one more thing!"

"What, another corporate retreat?" You snickered, amused with all the clever remarks you were throwing at him. Peter, on the other hand, wasn't.

"No!" He gave you a look. "Bucky will look after you while I'm gone!"

Shock crossed your face. "Bucky?"

"Yes, me."

And on cue, a figure emerged behind Peter.

You were so bewildered with Peter's troubles that you hadn't noticed Bucky creeping up towards the counter. He was wearing what seemed like a navy blue tailored Hugo Boss suit, paired with a nice, sleek tie. His whole fit, illuminated by the iridescent lights made his blue eyes pop even more. Like last time, he opened up a button on his waist, tossed the end flaps in the air and sat down beside Peter on a high stool.

Watching him, you could feel the air around you tighten, paired with a clump of saliva caught in your throat. He placed his elbow on top of the counter and tucked his chin on his palm.

"B-bucky," you finally breathed, silently choking up on your own saliva, "hey, it's been quite some time."

"Hello, doll." The vowels on his words seemed to drop, accompanied by that rhythmic sound he usually does when he speaks. Oh god, one day with Bucky and I've already picked up on that, you thought. "Missed me?"

You felt some blood quickly rushing to your cheeks but you played it cool. "Don't flatter yourself, James." You pretended to get quite busy, wiping some clean glass off the counter then faced Peter. "So, what's this thing about Bucky looking after me?"

"Well, I'll be gone. You'll be alone. Bucky will look after you." Peter tried to "expound." "What's not adding up, y/n?"

You rolled your eyes at the two and scoffed, placing the glass on the counter. "No, thanks. It's just one week. I can take care of myself."

It was true. You once spent a two-week vacation all by yourself to California after high school and you came home in New Jersey without a scratch -- like a brand-new car. You walked around the place as if it was your turf, and blended in with the locals while basked in the glorious heat of the California sun.

"Bucky insisted." Peter chimed in defensively.

"Oh. Bucky insisted." You said, your gaze averting to Bucky's eyes. "Again, I appreciate the offer but I can handle myself. I'm not a baby."

Bucky, clearly amused with the whole situation, leaned back with careful eyes fixed on yours. "Come on, y/n, don't you want some company?"

"Aren't you busy with your company?" You retorted.

"Yes, I have been but not anymore." He replied. "Unless something comes up. A week without Peter must be somewhat lonely. Come on," he insisted once again, "it's also for me. It'll give me something to do for a week."

"Wait, what?"

"You guys could get to know each other better and get along!" Peter blurted. "And without me around, Bucky won't have someone to hangout with. Please, y/n? I'd feel so much better."

"Hang out? What are you guys, like sixteen?"

Your mind was still set on Bucky's last choice of words but you saved it for later.

"Pleaaaaseee?"

You sighed, knowing you could never refuse your best friend's pleas. "Fine."

"Great!"

"Just for the record," you said, holding up a finger, "I'm just agreeing because of Peter, not because I can't take care of myself."

Peter rolled his eyes while pulling out his phone from his pocket. "Yeah, yeah, you're an independent woman. Okay, I gotta take this call. I'll be right back."

And all then there were two: you and Bucky. While making two grasshoppers for a couple of girls who just entered, you could feel Bucky's intense stare towards you. Your mind, clouded with thoughts, wished it could tap into his and take a sly look at what was going on inside.

You locked eyes as soon as you handed the girls their drinks. Bucky wearing such a neat, tailored suit made you forget about all his child-like ways in Peter's countless stories. All you saw was a man favored by all the gods and at the same time sent by the devil to test you in so many ways imaginable. You wondered if he felt the same. Of course, you weren't like him or any other people carved perfectly by the gods, but his vehement stare said otherwise.

"Are you gonna order a drink?" You asked, breaking the silence, and also your train of thoughts.

"No." He replied. "I'm good."

"Okay."

Peter, where the hell are you?

"Hey, y/n?"

"Yes?"

"You look beautiful tonight."

A plain black tank top, paired with some old jeans, minimal makeup and this man just told you that you looked beautiful. "Well not just tonight. You've always been beautiful. I just hope you know that."

"Okay what has gotten into you? You're being... weird."

He shrugged. "I'm just stating facts."

You hummed, a look of confusion spread across your face. "Thank you, I guess. Y-you look good yourself. Very different from when I first met you." You chuckled.

"Well, I was naked the first time we met so yeah."

Peter got back from his phone call and for the whole night, you spent your time working your shift while Bucky and Peter moved on to play some billiards and darts as well. Nat kept shifting her eyes between you and Bucky and you just shrugged her off, flipping your middle finger on her in which she reciprocated.

The next day, Peter was all set for his corporate retreat, surprised he didn't need any help from me at all. You helped him with some of his bags towards the sidewalk ("Jesus, Parker, are you going out of the country?"). While you waited for his Uber to arrive.

"You better take care of yourself, Parker." You said, standing beside him on the side of the street. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Really? I'm gonna miss you too."

"Well, yeah, of course. You're like a little brother to me." You smiled, ruffling his brown locks even though he was taller than you.

He looked down on the pavement with a tight-lipped smile. "Right, right."

Smiling, you grabbed his hand and leaned your head on his surprisingly broad shoulders. "Come on, cheer up. You needed this, right?"

"Yes, I definitely do." He whispered. "More than you know."

A few seconds later, the Uber arrived. Before climbing in the black vehicle, you were pulled into Peter's embrace with a soft, fluttery kiss landing on your forehead. Taken aback, you just smiled at him and watched the car get tinier and tinier as it drove further.

You got back in the apartment and five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Behind it was a smiling Bucky wearing some casual clothes. "Good morning, doll. Missed me?"

You rolled your eyes letting him inside the apartment. Closing the door behind me, you replied: "You've already used that line last night. Pick another one."

"Aw, you haven't heard the rest of it."

You went to the kitchen, grabbed some water from the fridge, and took a drink. "Which is?"

"Miss me, miss me, now you gotta kiss me."

With unsteady hands, you choked on your water and felt the liquid on your skin as soon as those words left Bucky's mouth. Great now I spilled the drink on my chest.

You turned around only to be faced by Bucky. "Now I gotta what?"

His laughter echoed in the kitchen as he backed away from you. "I'm just messing with you. So, what's for breakfast?"

He left you there standing flabbergasted, with some water dripping down your top and shorts, down to the floor. You bore your eyes into the back of his head as he turned on the television.

Bucky tilted his head towards you, eyed you up and down and finished it with a swipe of his tongue on his lower lip.

Oh, this was going to be a long week.

A long, agonizing week.

41 notes · View notes

ghostyprince · 4 years

Text

And also, for @trashy-artist-here because you prompted something similar. I hope you both like this!!💕

On AO3

The building they're visiting this time isn't such a scary place in Shane's opinion, but then again, anything they have visited so far was tipping towards the gross, dusty, and way too old end of the scale rather than the spooky one.

Sure, it's a long-closed down prison. And sure, the may have tortured and treated the people there like absolute garbage back in the '30s but it's more heartbreaking than anything in Shane's opinion.

But of course, Ryan doesn't think so, he gets lost in his head, psyching himself up, until every shadow, every little scratching sound is making the hair stand up on the back of his neck. Not that Shane was looking at Ryan's neck. (Alright, maybe he was looking a little.)

The point is, he's jumpy as all hell, and Shane finds it terribly amusing as always. His shoe scrapes over some debris, and the sound is ear piercing in the quiet, bouncing off of the bare walls.

Ryan cries out, his whole body jerks and Shane can't help himself, he throws his head back, letting out a surprised laugh, although he may feel a little bad about it.

"You're such a piece of shit, Shane!" Ryan groans and Shane loves the way his face heats up, from embarrassment. "I bet you did that on purpose, stop freaking me out, jackass!"

"Stop freaking out then!" Shane wheezes, and pats Ryan on the back, he lets out a little snort when Ryan flinches again, just slightly.

"You're as tense as a stick, man. Or like the stick is stuck up your ass."

"Shane! Fucking can't you just—" Ryan cuts himself off abruptly and he freezes. It's enough for Shane's smile to fall too and morph into actual concern.

He looks in the direction Ryan is staring at, but all he sees is a bunch of dust flying everywhere like someone just rushed through the hallway that's across the one they're standing in.

Huh.

Maybe someone left a window open, his brain supplies. Yeah, that must be it. And that's the simple thought process that goes through Shane's head every time something "unexplainable" happens.

His brain explains it perfectly well.

Ryan's, on the other hand, it seemed to shut down and reboot again.

"Dude, did you see that?" He asks and Shane would laugh at the fact that they're slowly becoming one of those fake ghost hunters on TV. If only Ryan wouldn't look so genuinely terrified.

"It was a guy, he looked like a doctor. He was— he was fucking terrifying. Holy shit I hope the chest cam—" he starts fidgeting with it right away, and Shane takes note of how much his hand is shaking. "It must've recorded it, right? He was fucking covered in blood, please tell me you saw it! Shane!"

The rushed and panicked sound of his name snaps Shane out if his thoughts and he's reaching forward without thinking. His hands land on Ryan's shoulders, gently squeezing.

Shane feels how tense his muscles are under his fingertips but for once he doesn't think about what else those muscles could do with him. He tucks that away for later when it's less inappropriate.

"I didn't see anything Ryan, calm down," he says gently and that definitely doesn't have the desired effect. But Shane's stupid mouth keeps running because of course he never knows when to shut the hell up. "It must've been just—"

"No, shut up! You always fucking do this," Ryan interrupts him abruptly and the words die in Shane's throat. "Don't try to explain it away, I know— I know what I saw, I'm not crazy, Shane."

His voice cracks and Shane realizes he damn stepped in it now. He needs to fix this as soon as possible.

"Hey, I believe, you, of course, I do. But you need to breathe, alright?" He tries and Ryan snorts like he doubts that. Like he doubts Shane would ever see eye to eye with him on the subject of ghosts.

"Tell me that you consider the possibility of it being a ghost then," Ryan asks and Shane wonders when things went so wrong. Was he really such an asshole about the whole ghost stuff?

He must be quiet for too long because Ryan shakes his head slightly.

"Whatever let's just go back to the crew," Ryan says quietly, and he looks so disappointed, Shane wants to slap himself for being such an idiot. Before he could say something, however, there is a set of loud footsteps coming from behind them.

Like someone is running towards them.

Shane spins around, but he doesn't see anything, and he gets distracted anyway because Ryan's loud yelp drowns out the last of the footsteps.

Moments later, a solid body is pressing against Shane's, and he needs a few seconds to process that it's Ryan's.

Normally, he would find it funny, the fact that Ryan is trying to climb him like a fucking tree. But he's not laughing now, because the warm, firm press of Ryan's muscles sends his heart flying up to his throat.

Ryan's arms wound around Shane's waist, and their bodies are lined up from knee to shoulders, with Ryan's face buried into the dip of Shane's shoulder. And Shane feels very hot all of a sudden.

He does wrap his arms around Ryan's shoulders when his brain comes back online again, and Ryan lets out a soft little laugh, breathing right into Shane's neck. It does not help whatsoever.

"I'm sorry. That scared me so fucking much, I think I physically can't move."

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here alright?" Shane asks, voice nothing but a scratchy whisper. He's proud he could get that out at the very least and extremely grateful for Ryan's face being tucked into his shoulder because Shane would surely die from embarrassment if Ryan would notice how red he has gotten.

"I know," Ryan laughs, it's a shaky sound, and Shane's hold tightens around him instinctively. They stand there for a heartbeat or two in a tangle of limbs, before Ryan starts slowly extracting himself from the hug.

Shane thinks that's that. They had a nice little moment of comfort and they'll never talk about it again, right? It's how they seemed to do things lately. Get sappy and tender and never speak of it again.

Well, Ryan had something else in mind entirely.

He doesn't go too far, and before Shane could realize that, he's already reaching up, having to stand on his tippy toes to effectively bury his fingers into Shane's hair. And then he tugs.

He tugs Shane all the way down to his eye level and when their lips meet in long, undoubtedly sloppy but fucking wonderful kiss, Shane thinks he might just be possessed or dreaming or both.

The kiss is a mess of tongues and teeth and Shane's back is dangerously close to cramping and he can't fucking breathe.

And yet, he still dives back for more and an embarrassingly whiny sound founds its way out from the back of his throat when Ryan's fingers tighten in his hair briefly.

They're both trying to catch their breath when they finally pull away and Shane is glad he's not the only one affected.

The sight of Ryan's flushed cheeks and kiss bitten lips, not to mention how dark his eyes appear to be even in the shitty lighting of the hallway.

That sight alone almost gets him to start kissing Ryan again but Shane can muster up some sort of self-control eventually.

Another make out session might be what they want right now, but it's most certainly not what they need.

The kiss doesn't get talked about, not even when they arrive back at their shared hotel room and take their respective showers to wash off the grime of the ancient building.

They exchange nothing more but quiet words about Unsolved, the shoot, about Watcher. Shane glances over at Ryan, watches him text their friends, and then stare at his chest camera — now discarded on top of Ryan's suitcase — like it personally offended him.

"Are you thinking about looking at the footage?" Shane asks, and Ryan is seemingly grateful he didn't have to be the one to break the awkward silence.

"Yeah, maybe," Ryan hums and then looks away with a sigh, right at Shane, unfortunately. Shane squirms under his gaze, slightly, but probably just enough for Ryan to notice. "I don't want to deal with it right now. I'm exhausted, this was just too much for today.

Shane only lets out a little noise of agreement, and he wonders if what they had done was too much, if Ryan has meant to include that also.

"Do you want to, maybe...?" Ryan trails off, nodding towards his bed and probably hoping that Shane will get what he means.

And well, Shane can be infuriatingly oblivious, but this, he understands. His mouth feels paper dry when he speaks. "Yeah, sure."

He stands, rubbing a hand down his face because he doesn't know what to do with them otherwise. He's already dressed in his pajamas — they both are, actually — soft sweatpants and worn-out cotton shirts; so it's not difficult to grab his pillow and climb into Ryan's bed, right next to him.

And that's when trouble begins because Ryan is taking his shirt off and Shane's heart surges so hard in his chest he almost thinks it will fall right out. Is it not enough to have to sleep with the possibly not-so-unrequited love of his life, but he has to be shirtless too?

Shane got cursed by whatever was or wasn't at that damn place he's sure of it.

"Uhh, if you mind I can put it back on," Ryan tells him because Shane had been staring like it's nobody's business.

"No, no you're fine. I mean it's fine." Shane chokes out and he's a little bit mad at himself for getting so flustered when it comes to guys he thinks are cute. Especially when it's Ryan.

Luckily, Ryan laughs, and even if it's kind of annoying, Shane happily takes that over the awkwardness.

Shane speaks, quietly, after they turned the lights off, and got under the covers. The bed is fairly small, so Shane really had to huddle more close to Ryan than what they would've been comfortable with years ago.

"For the record, I don't think you're crazy."

"Well, that's good to know." Ryan laughs softly, but there is an uncomfortable undertone to it and Shane doesn't like it one bit.

"I'm serious, Ryan. I might not have the opinion it was a ghost, but you know I'd never think you're crazy. And if you think I would, well— I'm a shitty friend then, and I'm sorry about that."

"No, you're not, Shane. I think I'm just insecure. It's a whole other issue." Ryan admits and Shane is too curious for his own good.

"What other issue?"

"Do you think we should talk about what happened in the prison?" Ryan asks instead, not even being subtle about changing the subject and Shane decides to let it go for now.

"The kiss?"

"No, the fucking ghost— yeah the kiss, dude!" Ryan scoffs, and Shane has no brain to mouth filter apparently.

"It wasn't a ghost—"

"Shane, don't fucking start this again I swear—"

"Look I'm just saying—"

"Shut up, Shane!" Ryan wheezes, because they keep talking over each other and they're being so stupid. Shane wheezes with him and he suddenly feels like being bold. It's dark and Ryan can't see him too well, so fuck it.

"Shut me up then."

There is a beat of silence and then the rustling of sheets as Ryan is sliding closer to press his mouth hotly over Shane's again. Shane's hands find their way up on Ryan's back and there is a slight tremble to the movement when Ryan swipes his tongue over his. Shane is almost dizzy with it all, the available skin he's allowed to touch now, the smell of Ryan's shower gel. He almost feels like he's dreaming.

"We really should be talking about this," Ryan murmurs muffled by Shane's lips, minutes or hours later, none of them truly know at this point.

"S'fine, nothing to talk about." Shane rasps, trying to tug him back into another mind-melting kiss but Ryan snorts against his lips and it should be a little gross but Shane adores him too much to care.

"Shane, come on, we gotta. We're adults." Ryan reasons and nips at Shane's chin as he kisses his way down from his lips.

"Fuck being an adult," Shane scoffs but pulls away just enough to take in Ryan's flushed cheeks and bright eyes. And that smile, the sunshine smile Shane loves the most.

"Hard same but seriously. Is this just a hookup? What are we doing?" Ryan asks sheepishly and he looks so open, Shane wants to hide, to avoid being as open as Ryan is with him. Because ghosts might not spook him, but emotional vulnerability sure fucking does.

He has nowhere to hide though, and he thinks that maybe, just maybe if he throws all caution to the wind, things might turn out okay. He does it all the time, he did it when he agreed to do Unsolved with Ryan, and he did it when they were making Watcher.

"I really like you, Ryan. I don't know how not to sound like a teenager when I say this, but— well it's true." Shane says eventually, forcing himself to keep eye contact as his hold tightens in the fabric of Ryan's shirt. This is just about the most difficult thing he's ever done and look at him, he's powering through it like a champ.

"How about breaking the rules we established in the podcast and say I love you? What do you say to that, big guy?" Ryan suggests, softly, and Shane gladly watches the fear and anxiety dissolve from his eyes when he answers. They're both taking leaps of fate today it seems like.

"Fuck the rules, also."

Shane flips them over, making Ryan laugh and let out an exaggerated oof sound and then he's kissing Ryan again, Shane murmuring I love you back against Ryan's lips.

#shyan #skeptic believer #shyan fic #shyan fanfiction #fanfictions #prompt fill #prompt #i wanted to answer this as an ask but i broke it with the read more #thanks tumblr #trashy-artist-here

25 notes · View notes

valkerymillenia · 4 years

Text

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 8

Once again- live blogging my thoughts and reactions in one post to avoid spamming.

So this is how the FBI gets their hands on Vanya, huh? Seems most fan theories were wrong.

Oh, Sissy's last name is Cooper!

I did wonder about that -how did remember her name despite forgetting everything else? If she knew her name then she should have been able to remember other little fragments.

Of course the feds focus on the fact that her name is Russian. Cold war bullshit. I guess they think she's a spy or since Russian sleeper soldier or something.

"I'm not Russian" -you kinda are though 😅 Tatiana was Russian and gave birth to you in Moscow sooo...

DID VANYA JUST SPEAK RUSSIAN?!

Is that one of the 7 languages that Reggie all the siblings or....? Does it... Does it have something to do with her powers or her birth place?

"simple-minded boy"? FUCK YOU.😠

"communist threat" there it is 🙄

Oh no, she's losing her cool. Here come the powers... I keep wondering how she does that 'sucking the life' out of someone thing. 🤔

That's a lot of puke.

Poor Five, he's starting to crack under the stress.

Why is Ben gagging? He's dead, he shouldn't be able to feel or smell the puke.

Loving Robert's real curls starting to show.

"I regret nothing" -hmm.... Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

"there's a giant dead white boy on my couch" 😆

"Oh, I see. It's gonna be one of those kind of nights, huh? So are we burning or burying?" -this is why I love Klaus! He doesn't even flinch, he doesn't care what happened, he doesn't ask, he just immediately decides that he's going to help his sister get rid of a dead body like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Although, it would be interesting if Klaus actual saw the Swede ghosts too. I just want Klaus to be seeing ghosts everywhere again, ok? I want that struggle from season 1 to be brought back and not swept under the rug for plot convenience. As a writer, if you make something an important character trait, you stick with it and they haven't done that with Klaus, they are half-assing his struggle with his powers.

It's the Swede really going to...? Oh good, saved by the cat.

Oh! So that's what "lavender" means! I was right, it was the perfume, it was probably obvious but I'm a little dumb.

Ah! Lila is trying to hire Diego for the Commission???

Diego is so confused.

"colorful history" sounds so wrong and sexual 😣

Diego is so full of bullshit. His loyalties absolutely lie with his family, he's just too defensive to admit it.

Reginald FRAMED Pogo's family drawing? So he's a better dad to the chimp than his own kids, huh?

THE TELEVATOR!!!!!!! PLANS FOR THE TELEVATOR!!!! I love comic references, please tell me we'll see a real televator in the show!

So Reggie really is planning something about JFK...

"are you involved in something nefarious?" "Quite often. Did you have something more specific in mind?" -at least he owns it 😆

"shaggy man" -ah! Poor Diego!

Reggie really loves this Grace, huh? But she has a point.

Five is losing it a bit, huh?

The baby powder 🤣

"I have to find myself" -RIGHT! I was wondering when this would come up! Old!Five was there for the JFK thing so Five just has to find his old self and his briefcase in order to correct all this mess. More comic references!

"arguably the most dangerous assassin in the time-space continuum" -DAMN RIGHT 💯

"paradox psychosis" 🤣I know it's supposed to be super serious but the symptoms are so funny...

"a spotter? What is that? Like a wingman?" 😆 This parallels that "Body man? What's that? Like a masseuse?" line in s02e02 where Five is the confused one.

Five, do you really think your brother can stop you if you spiral? Because I don't.

Luther doesn't have a great attention span, does he?

Harlan's drawing is interesting... I get a feeling it's important.

Shit, they are torturing Vanya!! This is so bad!

LSD? LSD?????? No, that's a terrible idea with her powers!!!

Eeeewwwww the eyeballs! 👁️

That's a hell of a bad trip... The way the music makes with the visuals reminds me of my synesthesia though.

Oh! So this is where the scene of all the adult siblings in the Academy uniforms is from!!! (I remember someone saying it was Diego dreaming of having a drugged hallucination in the asylum, they were pretty close! It's Vanya drugged by the FBI instead!)

"I get you" -that is not the face of a person that gets this at all, Luther!

"Don't freak out." -like that ever worked 😆

Lila trying to have her cake and eat it too with her mom and Diego.

That informational video 🤣🤣🤣

Free coffee! Weekly donuts* (*fees apply)! Wow, so tempting 😒

"whatever your skill, education, or comfort level with moral ambiguity (...)" 😆

Are the Fives just having a staring contest? 🤣🤣

Ah! How can Five be bitchy and aggressive to HIMSELF 😆

"all those years on the apocalypse, we never stopped working about our family." -why does Luther look so damn surprised to hear this?? Why the hell does he think Five is doing so this for?!

Wow, Five is really bitter about his body, isn't he? He's making old!Five so nervous 😅

Oops, there's stage 4 for old!Five!

And there's stage 3 as well and stages 5 and 6 for little!Five.

I get a feeling Five doesn't really have the accurate calculations, he's just lying and using the originals.

"I don't trust him!" -he's... He's you...14 days ago! How do you not trust yourself?

"but he's you" "exactly" 🤣🤣🤣

I'm so afraid how what Diego is going to do. I get a feeling hell fuck up trying to be a misguided hero again...

"I'm Diego. I have a knife." 😆

"it's very shiny" 🤣

So Diego is a legend, huh? 😏

"there's been a coup d'etat" "what's that? Cadillac?" -don't play dumb, Diego, I don't believe for a single second that you don't know what a coup is.

So the new apocalypse WAS Vanya's fault but by proxy (actually more the FBI's fault), she was just a small domino. So literally the only one that didn't actively do anything to impact the timeline ends up being the one doing the most damage (again)? PLOT TWIST!

Oh no, DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT YOUR SISTER, DIEGO! YOU SAW HOW BADLY THAT ENDED LAST TIME!

No, I refuse to believe "she will always be the bomb" 😠😠😠😠

LOL, hi, Dot!

NO! LUTHER, YOU MORON! DON'T GIVE HIM ALL THAT INFO! YOU'LL CHANGE EVERYTHING AND CEASE TO EXIST!!!

These dumb siblings exhaust me

"little jerk-off" -why are you insulting yourself, you weirdo? 😆

Old!Five with all the PP symptoms and yet he says he never felt better in his life 🤣

"you're getting paranoid" -you both are, and sweaty, itchy and gassy. All that's missing is the homicidal rage at this point 😅

Vanya's hallucination shows us a twisted paranoid view she has of her siblings and it's very interesting:

-Ben is protective, defends her, he can do no harm, probably because he died young so nostalgia blurs her memory of him

-Allison defends her but is also arrogant and condescending, speaking as if she's implying that Vanya is weak, probably because Vanya feels that Allison is perfect and has an inferiority complex

-Luther is just as arrogant and looks down her, calling her lazy, but does so without malice (more mockery than anger)

-Klaus is accusing and suspicious but still on the fence and excitable, probably reflecting Vanya's own doubts and how she herself sees Klaus

-Five just stares, judging and silent but unable to look away, probably because she trusts him but she also doesn't know him, there's the same nostalgia effect as Ben but because Five came back (to stop her) the inferiority and fear of judgement is still there

-Diego is completely different, awkward and detached, this one is the most interesting because he's one of the people that was most vocal and mean against her in season 1 but apparently she sees a kindred spirit in him to an extent, either that or she fears she means nothing to him

Maybe I'm overanalyzing again...

I totally predicted the dishes would be brains but it's still gross.

Ew, the chewing... 😫 It's giving me the creeps.

Why is she seeing Harlan's drawing? She was gone already when he made that particular drawing (I knew it would be important), is she connected to him now??

And how does she remember her own birth??

Holy shit, Harlan is feeling Vanya's pain!!!😲😲😲

"why are people so much heavier when they're dead?" "You got a lot of practice at this?" 😅

Ben and Klaus conversation actually makes me feel a bit better about the possession but it makes no sense at all 🤣

Poor Ray keeps meeting in-laws in the weirdest situations 🤣🤣🤣🤣 his face! 🤝

Ray is having a nervous breakdown 😣 poor guy...

The moment Lila notices Diego is missing, the intercom chimes "Loyalty isn't a choice, it's a lifestyle" and if that isn't foreshadowing for Lila choosing sides then I don't know what is.

This is a really painful way for Vanya to recover her memories but it's so well done!

Holy shit... 😳

Klaus asking the real question here. She's being tortured, Klaus, go help!!!

HOLY SHIT! HARLAN HAS VANYA'S POWERS NOW?!

No, no, no,no, no, no nononononono! This is so bad! A child with a disorder that makes emotions hard to regulate suddenly having an apocalyptic level of power that connects directly to emotion is just a recipe for disaster!

#tua #tua s2 #tua s2 spoilers

6 notes · View notes

jiwonsssi · 5 years

Text

- differences, pt. 2

I hate descriptions. Just read.

characters: Eun Jiwon/'you'

warnings: swearing

A/U: i tried into drama making but since i hate drama it turned out kinda cringey so yeah enjoy and OH its long

And the next week was pretty much normal. Practices, meet ups with friends, helping your mother on her work and other typical stuff for you. You even managed to forget what happened with Jiwon earlier, because there were no time to think about it; too much is happening, and, as always, it does make you feel overwhelmed. And of course there was someone who was fascinated with the idea on how to make you life worse. Sungha didn't even try, you don't know if it was his intention; but God was he successful.

He got suddenly fucking annoying; to the point you didn't even want to see him. He asked annoying question, joked annoying jokes, touched you so annoyingly that you flinched from him everytime. Perhaps, he didn't do anything wrong (as he, himself, claims) and to be honest you are not that angry with his actions on that damned night, but.. something is wrong. You can only feel it, it's impossible to describe it or put it in words; and that's, actually, one of the main problems - you have no idea what to tell him.

And he continues to ask. Annoyingly.

You read and heard somewhere that a simple gesture of a person could easily turn you away from her or him. Apparently, that happened.

And Jiwon. Somehow you see him tragically different now. This week made you analyze so many things about him; you spent hella time together, it wasn't that hard anyway. It's not like you are ready to jump on him screaming 'oppa take me' or something. Absolutely fucking not. Yet.

Anyway, among everything, you drastically wanted to be closer to him. Friendship seems like out of this world idea, but just talking to him feels better than with anyone else. Except, maybe, your mother. But perhaps it's because they are around the same age? We (you and your common sense) choose to ignore that fact.

The other thing you want to ignore is that you are very much disappointed in the fact that he stopped being late. Just a tiny part of you were hoping for another 15 minutes spent together in total comfort of the night drive.

And today was not different; Eun Jiwon was tolerably late and all the dancers waited for him patiently.

- We need to talk, - Sungha sits down beside you and you fight an urge to roll your eyes.

- Right now? - you are annoyed without any apparent reason. It's not right. You really want to talk; you know it's a need. But at the same time it feels so impossible; you know that there would be a fight. You just want to postpone it for as long as possible.

- Yes, because any other time you run from me like crazy, - he has a point.

- I'm not, - we will not accept it anyway.

- You are! But.. not a point. What the fuck is happening? Are you still mad at me? For just one shitty night? You made it safe! - he's not screaming, more like loudly whispering but you still see people watching you. So you stand up, taking his hand and shove him out of the room, standing in front of him with your arms crossed on your chest.

Rage starts to build up unexpectedly fast and you have no idea how to stop it. You don't want to, to be honest.

- Yeah, I hope you had great time as well.

- I promised them! What could I say? 'Sorry, I need to abandon something that has been planned weeks ago'? - he has a point, he really does. Everytime. But.. you just can't think straight. Whatever he says, you would probably still blame him.

- It would have literally took you about 20 minutes. But no, you didn't even think about it; the idea that your friends can spend 30 minutes without you didn't cross your mind. But the idea of abandoning me in the middle of night - on top of all, - you articulate dramatically at this point, but who cares anyway.

- Oh, now we are playing that 'could have been done' game? C'mon, quit it, I care about you and you know it, - did it make you more angry? Because it did.

- You? Care? My ass, how many times you dropped me over some shit? Buying me stuff to make it seems like an apology is not caring about me, it's bullshit, - you put his hands that he already had on your waist down, stepping back a little.

- Uhm, it's not like I'm the one who accepts them, - it's a war declaration.

You know he is right. You know. But at the same time, who said you should always think with you brain, not, for example, with ass? It will sound stupid, but your heart already gave up on him (if it even was considering him in the first place), your head's ideas don't really suit you and other parts of you just really want to punch him.

- Oh you know what? It's better to receive at least something from you, because otherwise I might stuck with only "amazing" conversations and even worse sex. I'm not your parent to teach you how to behave when you are guilty and if you want to shower me with gifts when you can simply apologize, I'm not here to complain, - aww, who's that angry little boy? He furrows his brows, breathing heavily and you shrug your shoulders, smiling the most annoying smile you can manage.

Everyone think that you are with him because of money, so why not play along?

- Fuck that, - Sungha goes straight back to the practice room again and you feel air in your lungs hurting. If that's even possible. You have chosen him for a reason and the reason is absolutely not wealth. And now.. it's kinda weird to be sad over something that you, yourself, ruined. You did ruin it, right? And over some, indeed, tiny fucking mistake.

You will not blame yourself for this, but maybe you are allowed to be a little upset. Break ups happen and.. it's upsetting. And when the adrenaline in your veins finally calms down, you inhale deeply, trying to calm that tiny crybaby in you down.

The thing is, you absolutely can't handle it right now. Just not in the middle of this mess with everyday practices and hella tone of work in general. You want peace and comfort, not all those nerves.

It's absolutely time to get wasted. And you're have absolutely no time for that.

Coming back in, you feel particularly everyone in this room watching you and it's so fucking annoying again. Why can't they just mind their own business? Is it that hard?

But most probably the biggest problem is that right after you, a mere seconds later, Jiwon comes in and you can swear he heard everything. Everything. You groan and stomp your feet, screaming at how life hates you. Internally.

You meet his eyes once, when Jiwon greets everyone and he just smiles, nodding his head a little. Maybe he will not think of you as someone who sleeps with men for money.

Just a tiny, tiny, tiny possibility. A girl can dream, right?

Hope dies last. All that shit.

It's hard to concentrate when all you can think about is your now totally fucked up relationships; it's impossible to pretend that you don't care. You do. And not because you are scared of losing him (somehow that is the last thing you afraid of), but to break up on this conditions. You truly believe that everything can be solved through conversation (even though you are the one who became angry but does it really matter?); you won't beg him to start over, because you simply don't want to. But breaking up without hating each other sounds better than what you have now.

The practice starts and you do everything automatically. Absolutely on autopilot.

- Hey, are you with us? I'm talking to you, - of course it's time to miss main choreographer speaking directly to you, right in front of your face. What a perfect day!

- Sorry, I.. sorry, - the music is already silent and everyone are out. For a break, probably. You feel like you are on crack or something, because you totally forgot what was happening around. And how much time passed by.

- Nevermind. What I wanted to say is that you are to dance with Eun Jiwon. I hope you remember choreography for 'Tipsy', aren't you? - you badly want to close your eyes, breath and whisper 'what the fuck' but you just nod silently, then shake your head.

- But I was dancing with Sungha as backdancer, so I..

- Not anymore. I don't know what is happening between you two but this is the last time I agree on changing partners in the last moment. Understood? - again, the exact same wish. What the fuck is going on? It feels like you fell asleep in one reality and woke in another.

- Yeah. But I..

- That's it, go and grab some coffee, I don't know, you lookin awful, - she smiles in the end so you don't feel offended, but she's totally right. Nodding, you turn around to leave. Coffee. Great idea. Would be even better with whiskey.

Unsuccessfuly trying to persuade coffee machine to not to add 5 portions of sugar, you also trying your very best to persuade yourself to stop fucking whining.

- Yes, bad terms. Yes, I look like a bitch now. Yes, he's going to shit on me everywhere. Yes, probably I will lose some people. Yes, I said awful things, - talking to yourself in public place is not a great idea but who cares, - But do I need those people? And sex was really not that great.. Fuck you!

You tap with a loud sound on a coffee machine who proudly presents you extra sweet coffee. Feeling your lower lip tremble out of pure rage, you shove coffee in sink and sigh slowly.

- Please, just once, sweetie, let's do it, huh? Just for me, c'mon, - now you try to persuade the machine nicely. It works with you laptop every time, so why not?

But yeah, life is a shit and that's exactly why you hear a loud giggle from behind and.. we're not in fanfiction. It can't be him. Right?

- After talking to yourself you started to chat with coffee machine. I genuinely want to know, are you okay? - it's absolutely not the right time for Jiwon to show up out of nowhere. The awful timing. Closing your eyes, you force yourself to smile and turn around, facing him.

- Yeah, just.. it's always nice to chat with someone smart, - he smiles again, nodding and comes closer.

- That's why you were talking to coffee machine? - you look at him, standing right beside you with his kind mocking face and he smirks, celebrating his win. Hell no.

- That's why I will not talk to you, - his face changes in seconds and he's now cutely mad. You could never count him as scary old sunbae, because it's so light around him. You can't be this free with the most of the men around there because every one of them don't know how to handle pure jokes. Jiwon does everything perfectly.

- Okay then. I'll drink that tasty fresh black strong coffee with no sugar from cafe nearby all by myself, - you don't realize that he's holding two cups and you honestly forgot how to say 'thank you'. He turns around very slowly, looking you in the eyes all the way and you put on your most exaggerated charming smile.

- Oh my God, I'm so sorry, oppa, you are the smartest that I have ever met! - you would hang on his arm or something but apart him being very open and comfortable with you, it's still obvious that he's much older. Literally twice your age. That would be crossing the lines.

Jiwon pretends to think for a moment and you smile as innocent as possible and he suddenly nods, with the same exaggerated satisfaction, passing you the hot cup.

- I saw you spacing out, thought coffee will help. Must be difficult these days for you? - he just stands here, leaning with one hand on a table and he looks.. stunning. His style is perfect without trying and you can swear the color black belongs to him. And you just broke up with the boyfriend. Stop. But maybe it's his care that looks stunning, huh. Sounds lame, but.. unless?

- Yeah, I just.. - actually you have zero fucking idea on how to answer his question. He wouldn't be asking if he wasn't interested in what you are going to say. Yet you also had no intentions on showering him with your problems so you look at him, trying not to look desperate and shake your shoulders, - You heard everything, right?

He nods and you sip coffee, trying to not to burn your lips.

- I did, sorry, - he places his cup onto the table, putting both of hands in the pockets of his joggers, - You broke his self esteem, not his heart. So don't worry about sounding like a bitch.

He's actually very right. But there is something that will eat you anyway. Nice, though, that he's trying to help you. Hella weird.

- But it will eat me a couple of months anyway, - you continue to drink your coffee, staring at the material of his black tshirt, not seeing anything anyway when he speaks again.

- Your words about sex will eat him at least a couple of years. So don't worry, you won this one, - and you choke on your coffee, spitting it everywhere, trying to laugh and feel ashamed at the same time. Jiwon wipes brown drops from his upper arm that happened to be on the way of your hysteria, laughing not so loud but any way very pleasing. No need to be ashamed, apparently.

It wasn't funny. It was just so weird to hear it from him.

- I won't ever again buy you drinks, - he's laughing, hanging you tissues and taking the cup out of your hands, throwing it into the trash, - C'mon. Break must be over by now.

And he's so light, just like that. Jiwon doesn't make you talk about it further, doesn't try to get into your head with advices; he said what he wanted to say and listened to you for as much as you needed.

Does being intelligent comes with age?

You wipe your mouth, making your way after him when you get this feeling again; why does your whole life feels like a fanfiction? Of course Sungha needs to stand in the dark corner near vending machine like a fucking anime antihero.

You couldn't see him earlier, but.. Jiwon did. You look at his back, being not just surprised, but absolutely fucking stumbled. Why? He didn't do anything extra, but he could have been silent about such an intimate detail, as sex. But he wasn't. He deadass joked about it. And it led you to one thought: was he angry at him?

No way. Probably.

After looking at him for a moment, it feels like all that joy and relaxation you got from talking to Jiwon disappears in mere seconds. You feel so pressured again. You fucked it up. Again.

Sungha follows you and you feel his eyes imprinting 'you will regret this' on the back of your neck; you literally can feel it. It's funny how you have been knowing every bad thing about him and his friends and still decided to say 'yes' to this relationships. It started as a mess, and it will end the same.

Position "I will make him better" was never intended to work anyway.

Jiwon holds a door for you and you enter practice room, slightly nodding to him as 'thank you'. Even though you are going to dance so close to him; so close to the point you never knew you wanted to, you had no intention to continue this rehearsal. Not even the slightest.

And when the choreographer was talking to Jiwon about changing partners and he was actually very surprised or even when the music started to play, you had absolutely no emotions on your face. And so the troubles begin.

Of course, that made choreographer perofm a very nice thing called 'I will fucking end you if you continue to ruin my pattern' and it made you even more irritated and you forgot how many times you clumsy bumped into Eun Jiwon's limbs with yours. He helped you. A lot. Messing it up himself, sometimes. Sometimes receiving your palm slapping his chest. You didn't see even a tiny muscle changing on his face to form an angry emotion. And it's all extremely touching and his patience is made of steel when he wants it to be like that, but.. you still can't concentrate.

- You know what? I'm tired, - you hear Jiwon nag loudly, after you stepped on his foot for the third time and music stops the moment after his words, - I can't work like that.

Was you ready to cry? Because you even feel your eyes watering. You never expected him to care about you more than he already did, but he clearly saw what was happening.

Though it's only your fault. You move away from him a little, brushing your hair back and close your eyes. There are three more candidates who can do that. Not a big problem for him to change.

Jiwon moves in the direction of the woman who's now particularly burns with flames of rage and you know that you are the one they are discussing and feels so pitiful. You really wish it didn't ruin your pride.

And it's not how they talk while looking around on dancers that made you feel like shit. It's how everyone know that you were declined and that it's absolutely your fault; and they feel like it's prior duty to stare at you so.. contemptuously. Everyone have their bad days. Yours just happen to be today. It doesn't make you worse or better, but it's hard to persuade yourself to think like that because you are already digging yourself in.

And his rejection is actually making it hundred times worse.

- So, I wanted to say that I'm extremely tired and that's it for today, - Jiwon stands in the centre of the room, looking at you all with such a sincere sorrow. You title your head, frowning. What the fuck? - I know that it's still a long way to go, but let's have an evening off today. We all are doing great and I am very thankful for all the hard work you do for me, - he speaks so.. slowly and thoughtfully. Like he really means it. It's nice, - And besides, I'm not getting younger so I need to rest. Let's pretend it's not the main reason, - you catch your 'what the fuck' expression in the mirror and he laughs, continue to talk like only he can. You have no idea how to explain that. It just hits differently, - So let's go, run faster until our very scary choreographer didn't change her mind. Go!

He claps his hands, bowing a little and continue to stand where he is, scrolling through his phone after politely saying bye to everyone who was addressing him. You don't move even a bit because now you feel like it's your prior duty to hail him. Of course people will know the truth, but he at least made an attempt to make it seems like it wasn't your fault.

You don't know how to feel about that. You really don't.

He stares at his phone and you wait until all the people are gone, clearing your throat to make him notice you.

- Shit, you scared me. I was ready to call you, - you title your head again, because what is wrong with him. He walks to the door, opening it for you again. What the..

- I am confused, but I still will say what I wanted to, - you come closer, letting the door shut and now it's his turn to be surprised because you just realized that you have a face that says 'I'm about to beat you up'. And you are not, - I wanted to say sorry for my work. I did a lot of mistakes. And I will understand if you are going to change me for someone else. I am truly sorry. And also I want to say thank you for what you did. It was.. great. Thank you.

Lowering you head, you look at his sneakers and sigh loudly.

- Look, I understand everything. I know what you are capable of and I will not judge you now, - he does it again. Sounds so mature. Reassuring. Calming. His voice is low and manly suddenly and you feel goosebumps running wild on your skin and you finally look at him, smiling, - But if you hit me one more time..

He pokes a finger at you and you laugh, murmuring short 'sorry' again, hearing how he chuckles softly. He's not mad. At all. You are so used to bullshit out of everything that when people actually treat each other like human beings it makes you lost.

- Okay. Remember when I told you I am not going to buy you drinks? - he looks at you mischievously and you nod slowly, making that "the fuck" face, - Lies. I will.

Now it's time to make that 'so...?' face and you do exactly it.

- Do you.. drink? - is he trying to ask you.. out? Like, is it.. no, it can't be real. It's ridiculous. No. Unless?

- I.. do, - the whole conversation sounds like two very slow idiots are trying to decide on something.

- So.. Me too, - you can't help but laugh shortly looking at his expression and then come back to the 'idiots' performance.

- That's... Nice. That we two drink, - you nod, trying your best to not to laugh again and he does exactly same. Hilarious to watch.

- So shall we.. do it together? - he stumbles for a moment then rolls his eyes and then smile, waving his hand in the air, - What I wanted to say is that I want you to relax and I don't know a better way than to drink. So let's go.

You know one that's better than drinking. But let's say he won't understand if you say it out loud.

Finally you just nod, exiting the room first.

This day is a fucking roller coaster.

#sechskies #eunjiwon #imagine

12 notes · View notes

forkanna · 7 years

Link

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTES: All the details about Knives come out in this one. Huzzah! (I guess) I'm really glad people have been liking it; I know that every time I branch out into a new fandom that I can't know how the fic will be received, or even if there's anyone left in that fandom to read what I've written. But yay, there are still Scott Pilgrim fans in the world!

When I woke up, I was laying on the couch, tucked into the sheets that I'd prepared for Knives to sleep there. It was morning. Seriously, guess it took all night for me to go through that memory. Sitting forward, I groaned and gripped my head. Worst hangover ever, and I wasn't even drinking!

A couple of minutes went past as I tried to figure out if what I had seen was a dream, or what. Probably not a dream. It could have been, I guess, but I was a lot more certain that it was just a repressed drunken memory. Either because it was too hard to accept what I had seen and found out, and done, or just that the drunken state made my long-term memory conveniently 'forget' to retain those details.

And MAN were those some details that it left out.

"Knives?" I croaked, my throat dry. This was going to take a lot of thinking, and talking. I stood up to go make a pot of coffee before we got started-

And tripped over her body on the floor. Suddenly, she was a writhing, clawing mess, trying to attack me. There were a few seconds of frantic confusion before we finally were still, staring into each other's eyes.

"OH! Kim, I'm… good morning!" A long, slow sigh of relief. "God…"

"Shit, sorry," I muttered as we broke apart, catching our breath. "I didn't see you… why were you on the floor like that?"

Rubbing at her eyes, she said, "It felt too weird using your bed, and I didn't wanna move you, either. So I just… grabbed the other throw pillow and slept down here."

"Right. Makes sense." When she looked up again, I looked away. "So, um… so I guess we went a lot farther that night than I remembered."

"Huh? Oh… OH, right, the memory! It worked?"

My eyes narrowed at her as I slowly struggled to my feet. "Uh, yeah. You didn't know it would work?"

"My dad promised it would, and he's pretty smart about stuff like this." Her hair fell to one side, and her face got a little more guarded. "So… you really didn't remember before I used the glove?"

"Remember what? That you're a…" Luckily, I hesitated as I tried to find the right word, because I saw Knives bracing herself. As if she expected to be hurt. How bad was I that I'd made her feel that way before? "A little different?" I finished up, hoping that was safer than some of the other words I almost chose.

It worked. Knives sighed in relief. "Yeah. You, um, seemed okay with it since we started hanging out, but I didn't realise that was because you completely forgot."

"Yeah! Funny how those things are like, really similar!" We both shared a nervous laugh, and it died, and then we were staring at each other. After a second or two, I cleared my throat and started to comment on it. Say that it was okay that she was the way she was, that I didn't have a problem. But all of that sounded stupid; who cared if I had a problem? She was who she was with or without my 'approval'. I just didn't know what to say instead of that.

"So… I take injections in my thighs," she continued, as if we had only paused for a few seconds the night before for her to explain, then continued the conversation. "Kinda move it around so the bruising — sometimes there's bruising — doesn't all hit the same area. I tried stabbing myself in the butt once, and I like sitting down too much."

Smiling weakly, I asked, "In the butt, huh? Wild."

"Yeah. And it's not every day, it's once a week, but like… just bad timing my day was while I was crashing here," she lamented, looking down and away. "Sorry you had to find out like that. I mean, find out again."

"No, I'm sorry I forgot. Like damn, that's a major life status reveal, and I'm too drunk to hang onto it? No more whisky." Seriously, I meant to follow through on my promise to myself.

"So… we're okay?"

"What? Oh, sure. Yeah."

"Really?"

My feet turned and took me into the kitchen to begin making that coffee. "Yeah, Knives. Like… I don't really know what else to say about it, but I'm not… I don't think you're…" One more shot. "I like you."

"Good," she said, trailing in behind me. "But you still act freaked."

"I am. Like, I'm really surprised; you look so cute, and girly, and… I had zero idea that anything down there would be… atypical. No reason to suspect you were anything except Knives Chau, random ninja chick. But I don't know, I also feel stupid and like I'm overreacting. You know?"

She nodded, watching me go through the motions of making coffee. Busying my hands. "That's who I am. Knives Chau, random ninja chick. This doesn't change that."

"I know! Oh, I totally know that. I'm…" What else was there to say? "I'll shut up."

"Don't," she urged me, coming up to lean against the counter with her hip, attempting to catch my guilty eyes. "Say whatever it is. We can work through it. Like, if you need to say a bunch of… mean-sounding things that you regret later, just get them out, and we can talk about-"

"NO! Fuck that! I'm not gonna say shit that hurts you."

"You are. Not on purpose, but it'll come out. And I've probably said something that hurt you, and we should talk about that stuff, too, right?"

Biting my lip, I turned away. Then I whispered, "I basically called you a guy when I was drunk. And couldn't tell it hurt you. Fuck…" My eyes widened. "The other day, when I said… I wanted you to 'be the boy' sometimes… oh no…"

"Shhh, it's fine, Kim," she urged me with a sad little smile. "You didn't know. I, um… I thought you were being super mean to me at the time, and I was hurt, but when you backed off right away I didn't know what to think. So I just figured you weren't thinking when you said it. Guess you didn't have anything to think, 'cause you didn't remember."

"No, I just was… you know. Lesbians, gender roles, whatever."

Knives leaned up and planted a tiny kiss on my cheek, which made my stomach wobble. Both in a good way and a bad way, and I hated that my brain couldn't just get over this. "I get it now. Sorry for blowing up at you a little."

"Are you kidding? After how I treated you when we were drunk? You never have to apologise for anything again."

"What 'treated me'? Nothing bad happened. You just… got a little carried away."

My voice was hoarse when I snapped, "I practically forced you into letting me get you off! It was sick! And I didn't even care, I just thought it was funny, a-and if I had actually pulled your bottoms off when you were telling me not to… if I went any further, it would b-be…"

When did I start crying? I never cry. But Knives was already hugging me, stroking up and down my back. Kissing my cheek and whispering things like "It's okay" and "Shhh" over and over to me. Slowly but surely, it began to feel better, and my tears dried up. By then, I was hugging back, melting into the comfort of the woman who had turned me into some lovesick idiot.

"Kim, it's okay," she finally said when she could get through to me. "We were both drunk and stupid. Two of us, not just you, all by yourself. I… sure, maybe I should have stopped you, and you should have stopped. That's why I don't really drink that much anymore, you know?"

"I did notice. And… and yeah, it's… a good idea." Burying my face in her shoulder, I growled, "I can't believe myself! I find out you've got a dick, and all I can say is 'Let me play with it, right here and right now!' Can your glove send me back in time to fucking beat my own ass black and blue?!"

At the phrase "you've got a dick," she did tense up slightly, but then she relaxed again and kissed my neck. Then laughed when I got to the end. "Okay, it wasn't that bad. And… I was pretty scared because it was all so new, but I liked the feeling, and you seemed like you were enjoying yourself."

Only at that point did I start to feel embarrassed about that part. "Um… well, yeah. I never minded playing with Scott's. Kinda funny sometimes. And you looked really hot orgasming, but like… in a cute way. I think you'd be hotter with a little more, uh, practice? Does that make any sense or am I sounding like an idiot?"

"You think I need practice being jerked off to be more hot?" she asked in a confused voice.

"No, not… well… more practice doing stuff together. Because even if I was too drunk to notice then, I could tell while 'watching the replay' that you were really flipping out on me. So getting more comfortable might help. And you get more comfortable with something by doing it more often, right?"

"Not all the time," she sighed, shifting anxiously. I noticed that, and turned more fully to face her.

"I didn't mean right now. God, Knives, it's first thing in the morning!"

Glancing up at me, she flashed a hesitant smile. "Oh. No, I knew that. Still… I'm really not sure about sex even. Like, I can't do things the way a normal boy and a girl can, so like, I was really not sure what would happen with Scott. And since my gender's different from what I have, like… it's scary."

"Yeah, Scott. He didn't, like… find out, did he?"

"Nah."

"Young Neil?" When Knives cleared her throat, I nodded. "That was why he dumped you. Couldn't handle the D?"

One of her hands made that wobbly "kinda, sorta" gesture. "Like I said, he just wasn't ready. And I was kinda using him to get back at Scott, so by the time I started to figure out I might like like him for real, and I told him about my situation, it was pretty late to be making him feel like he mattered. Still wish I handled that better."

"Sorry," I said as the coffee maker finally started up. The smell was incredible, and already helping to waft away some of that mental fog. "Yeah… you said that to me before. The part about not being able to do things the way a boy and girl can do, but you weren't serious, right?"

"Huh?"

"Because we could. I mean… you have what you have, and I have what I have…"

"Oh," she breathed, then looked away as she shrugged. "Sure, but… I'm not going to be able to… y'know… like a boy would."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not a boy. It won't be the same; even if I try to be one, to do that like a boy would, I'll end up being dumb, and you'll laugh at me. That was what happened when I used to try to be 'manly' when I was little because everybody expected me to act like a normal boy: all the other kids laughed and called me a sissy, because I'd usually be crying while I did my manly act."

"Ah," I said lamely. It was all I could say to that, since I had no idea what that was like to go through.

"Which is part of the reason my dad started training me," she went on as she dug in my cabinets for a couple of coffee mugs. "First, because he wanted me to be more manly, too, and then when I came out to the family… he wanted me to be able to protect myself."

Leaning back against the counter, I took her in. How pretty she was; it was seriously unfair. "How'd they take it? You know… their son turning into a daughter."

"I was always a daughter," she laughed with a slight smile, one that made my heart skip over a beat and shatter in the same instant. "Just… didn't know I was until later in primary school. And it took until halfway through grade seven to really convince them, which was literally just in time; the blockers might not have worked."

"Blockers?"

"Hormone blockers. Sometimes, they give them to trans-babies before they're old enough to like, fully decide they want to go through with their transition. Basically, in my case they kept the testosterone from carrying me through boy-puberty, so while I was in junior high, I stayed a 'little boy'. Just helps the transition go smoother; it's not a requirement or anything. Then later, I started getting estrogen, which helped me grow boobs and wider hips and mostly kept boy-hair from coming in, all that." At the end, she grumbled, "Except for that annoying face-hair that popped up in the Cup… had to pluck that right away."

"Trans-babies?" I half-laughed, exasperated at all these shiny new vocabulary words.

"You know… like I was in junior high. Young, but starting to live my truth. I'm a trans-young adult now, of course."

"Right. Pupa stage. So you take the blockers because you're a baby transvestite. And then… what, the real hormones when you're over eighteen? Or no?"

"Transgender."

"What?"

"I'm transgender. And maybe transsexual someday. But yeah, that's how it was, except I started my hormones at sixteen."

"What did I say? Transvestite?" When she nodded as I reached into the fridge for the bag of milk, I shrugged. "Sorry, I guess I don't know what the difference is."

"Transvestite is like… a drag queen. A man who just dresses up girly some nights, maybe on the weekends, because he likes to feel feminine for a little while. Or he's doing it for the money; some do that, too. It's a performance art piece, like mimes." Then she winced. "Well, not mimes. Drag queens are way cooler."

"And transgender is you? Meaning…" I went out on a limb. "Somebody who wants to live fully as the other gender?"

"Close. I already am, Kim." By now, she seemed a little worn by the conversation. There was no way around it; I needed this. But she was probably sick of telling everybody the same introductory shpiel by now. "This isn't something I'm trying on to see if it fits. I'm already a woman, and I was even before I figured it out. Just like I was already Chinese whether or not anyone told me I was, or I saw myself next to another Chinese person and thought 'hey, I look like that!' See? I'm who I am."

As I poured us two mugs of coffee, I took a quiet few seconds to digest. This was already hard on both of us. I really wasn't trying to say anything stupid, but I felt like every word I could say would be. 'I support you'? 'You're hot no matter what gender you are'? If I said something like that and she blasted me off into space, I wouldn't even blame her.

All I came up with when I handed her the mug was, "You're Knives."

"Yeah," she breathed with a small smile.

"And… uh… I might not have any experience with this, but I'm going to learn. Just… y'know. Time."

"There's not much to learn besides big words to use," she giggled as she took the coffee and sipped. "Little stuff, like history and whatever. Mostly, I think you'll figure out pretty quick that I'm the same Knives you knew before you walked in on me last night."

"But… ugh, that fucking lock." As she laughed again, I took a long drink, using the caffeine to help me wake up. "Okay. So like, I'm gonna try to ask whatever comes into my brain if that's okay with you, and just… get it out of the way, like you said. Since I'm sure you want to go back to Mario Kart."

"Ninja Ninja Revolution," she breathed in a hallowed voice.

"How did you know? Like… I assume you grew up being called 'boy' and wearing boy clothes, getting Power Rangers instead of Polly Pockets, or whatever."

"Ahh, I loved Power Rangers, though! And my parents weren't interested enough to question why I always picked the Yellow Ranger toys, since you can't really tell her gender from the suit." That got a laugh out of me, and she grinned. "But um… yeah, I always knew something didn't fit right. I'd always want to try on dresses and pink stuff at the mall, and my mom would tell me 'that's not for boys'. She didn't mean anything by it, but she was pretty stubborn, and everything was black-and-white to her, y'know? Boys wear blue shirts with trucks on them, not pink ones with Disney princesses."

"Yeah, both of those sound like dumb things to wear to me."

Shaking her head, she nudged me with her elbow. "Dork. Anyway, I also didn't have as much interest in boy things like teasing girls, or eating bugs, or… I dunno, whatever it is boys do when they're little. Some of it, like 'playing ninja'... I loved that, but I also wanted to get the other girls on my street to play it with me, and they thought I was weird. And so did the boys for me asking the girls. And then I also wanted to play house with dollies, and dress-up, and try on makeup, and…"

Her face had turned a little sad. Without looking at her while I did it, my free arm looped around her waist and brought her close. It felt weirder being close to her now that I knew all this, but crying on her shoulder kind of broke the "barrier", if that makes any sense. As if any of this does.

"Um… a-anyway, there were a few bad times. Like, my mom came home and caught me trying on Tamara's clothes and wearing make-up, and she yelled at me for a while. Said a few words I don't want to repeat. My dad was actually better about it, he just said that 'A true ninja must be a master of his environment, and I applaud your desire to learn how the other side dresses'. It was… a little off the mark, and my mom didn't look happy about translating it for me, but hey, at least he didn't call me a fag."

The word even made me wince when Knives did. "Hey… you're not. And even if you were, like, you look damn good. Whatever."

"Thank you," she said, in one of those patient 'look at you, taking baby steps' tones of voice. Which was fair, because it was kind of a dumb response, but I tried. "Anyway, once it happened a few times, both my parents started accepting that this was part of who I was. And by then, I did some research online about this, and that there was a real name for what I was besides 'a freak'. So I was ready to have hard conversations, and… just… y'know. Really start living the way I wanted to."

"This is a big part of who you are. Man, I can't believe it hasn't come up before now."

"It has, plenty of times, but you didn't seem interested in the details. Which was because you were drunk and couldn't remember," she laughed a second later. "Like, I did try to ask if you wanted to know anything once, but you kinda blew me off."

"What? When?"

"The next morning." She perked up. "You want me to get the glove?"

"FUCK NO." Taking another long drink, I then said, "Just tell me. Use words. What happened the next morning?"

"Oh, I asked something like 'About last night… are we cool? Or do we need to talk about it?' and you went 'Why? It was just a kiss.' Then I was all, 'You know, the rest of it. Like, about me?' which got you going 'Whatever, don't worry about it. Shit happens when you're drunk. No further discussion required.' And, um… I thought that was pretty accepting of you, but now I know it's because you couldn't remember and you probably didn't want to seem dumb. No biggie, though."

As she told me that story, I could remember it on my own — thank Christ. But I was remembering it as being purely about making out with each other, and nothing related to her gender. Pulling away, I set down my coffee and ran my hands through my hair. "It is a biggie, though! This huge thing about you that I totally forgot… I feel stupid. What if you told me you had terminal cancer, or you were destined to give birth to a genie, and it magically slipped my mind because of too much whisky?"

"Give birth to a genie?! Who would ever say something like that?" Her giggling got me to smile, though I was a lot more embarrassed than she was. The arm not holding coffee wrapped around me tightly. "Come on, don't be sad. If you're sure you're okay with me being trans, then I think we're all good."

"Yeah?" I hugged back, still feeling awkward but grateful that she wasn't mad about what I had done while smashed. "Um… thank you. Like, for real. I wouldn't cut most people this much slack for forgetting something so huge about me. You're a really chill chick."

"I know," she joked slightly with a big grin before taking another big drink. Then she frowned. "Hey, um, do you maybe have some Nesquik I can put in this? No offense, I'm just not big on plain old coffee…"

Snorting as I smiled at her, I said, "I'll see what I can do."

To Be Continued…

#kim pine's precious little knives #knives chau #scott pilgrim vs. the world #scott pilgrim fanfiction #lgbt fanfiction #forkanna writes #scott pilgrim #transgender representation

0 notes