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noperopesaredope · 3 years

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Fics That I Really Like A Lot

So, I just wanted to make a post uplifting some really great fics I’ve read/am subscribed to or still keeping up with. I like to let people know about other creators, and I just wanted to mention some works I think people should check out.

(Note, this post was made on Sep 2, 2021, so when I say something is recent, I mean compared to when I made this post)

Tangled the Series Fics (Mostly Varian Fics):

Walls of Stone (Finished)

Varian and Whumptober 2020 (Series) (Finished) (Sidenote; I really like this author in general, but there is just so much great whump and extreme angst in this series! Says they are but a humble freshman, but I say they are a very skilled freshman!)

How Pneumonia Stopped a Stubborn Alchemist from Descending into Villainy (Finished)

Screw Treasure, I got Trauma (Finished)

Tangled One-shots (Series) (Finished? I Think?)

Voluntary Manslaughter (Finished)

I’ll Always Lend an Ear (Finished)

Drown Your Past, Burn your Future (Series) (Unfinished, but still going strong)

Scars of a Child (Series) (Unfinished)

Unrelenting Silence (Finished)

Where was the happily ever after? (Finished? Unsure)

All our Dreams (Down the Drain) (Unfinished)

Not All Falling Stars Grant Wishes (Finished)

Alchemy Lullaby (Series) (Finished)

Insignificant (Finished)

Second Chances (Almost finished)

The Pawn Decides Its Fate (Finished)

Unsaid Emily (Finished)

Today, Today (Finished)

The Pride in Your Eyes (Unfinished, but still somewhat new)

Monster (Finished)

You Are Enough (Finished)

An Alchemist’s World (Unfinished, but the first four chapters could definitely work as a standalone fic, so, in my eyes it’s finished)

Too Smart for Your Own Good (Unfinished, going strong)

To find the Sundrop (Unfinished)

There’s More in You (Unfinished)

The Science of Love (Unfinished, going very strong)

Season 2 But Gayer (Unfinished, going strong-ish)

On My Honor (Series) (Unfinished, going extremely strong with consistant updates)

A Prince and His Bodyguard (Series) (Unfinished, going strong)

Rocks, Wolves, and the Moon (Series) (Unfinished, going strong)

Return to Me (Unfinished, going strong)

Perilous Night (Unfinished, possibly discontinued, but worth a bit of the read)

Nomad (Unfinished, author is working on multiple projects, so IDK)

No Reward for Second Place (Unfinished, but fairly new and somewhat well updated)

Oath of the Lawbreaker (Unfinished, possibly discontinued)

New Quest for Varian (Unfinished, fairly new)

My Dear Son (Unfinished)

Insignificant (Finished)

Indentured (Unfinished, same author as Nomad)

Enter the mind, remove the sins (Unfinished, going pretty strong)

Darkness exists to make the light truely count (Unfinished, going strong. Updated about every month or two, with consistency)

Creeping Crystals (Unfinished, but going somewhat strong)

Blood of My Brother (Unfinished, going as one of the strongest in its fast updates)

Cyclorama (Finished) (Companion to Blood of My Brother)

Chemistry in Motion (Unfinished)

Away from Home (Unfinished)

Alone? (Unfinished-ish)

It’s just a mild inconvenience (Unfinished, possibly discontinued)

Gauze in the Wound (Unfinished, pretty consistent last I checked)

Blood Makes the Knife Holy (Series) (Unfinished, but each part could work as their own fics, and it’s still going)

A Progression of Events (Unfinished)

He Needs Me (Unfinished, going strong)

Or So They Though (Unfinished, going pretty strong)

The Long Road Back to Home (Unfinished, hasn’t been updated in a bit, but is pretty long and each chapter could take about a couple months to finish, and even longer if the creator is stuck/has other fics. Still worth the read)

The Road Home (Different) (Unfinished)

Reunion at Sea (Unfinished, going strong)

Elements of Angst (Unfinished, probably updated soon)

Arson (Unfinished, every time it think that maybe it’s been discontinued, it comes back)

Unconventional Family (Unfinished, possibly discontinued)

To find the Sundrop (Unfinished)

Wayward AU (Comic) (Unfinished, pretty consistent)

RWBY (Mainly Oscar Fics):

It’s Venomous (Finished)

Will you stand and be brave or be broken? (Finished)

Oscar Gets Himself a Coat (Finished)

Who You Belong To (Finished)

Imperfect Light (Finished)

Shell (Finished)

Blood on Both Hands (Finished)

Tell Me that I am a Fool (Finished)

If i believed in destiny i'd have to hunt it down and punch it in the face (Series) (Unfinished, can have the occasionally long hiatus, but the creator comes back)

Is Oscar okay? no but the answer is b (Finished)

Running From Memories (Finished)

Rescue Me (Unfinished)

Souls of Love and Bravery (Unfinished, relatively consistent updates)

Revert To Last Save File (but it's the wrong file) (Unfinished, but still going)

Broken Body and Souls (Finished)

Camp Camp:

David’s Family (Unfinished, possibly discontinued)

Horror Camp (A little too much child whump for me, but it’s very whumpy) (Unfinished)

Inconvenience (Unfinished)

Still Here (One of my favs) (Finished)

Hetalia (Mainly America and Canada Centric):

Recovering the Broken Pieces (Unfinished, possibly discontinued)

Hetalia 2020 - WWIII and more (Unfinished)

(More fics in the crossover section)

She-ra (Quite a few Kyle ones):

The Chronicles of Kyle (Unfinished)

Sunflowers (Finished)

She-Ra: In the Wake (Unfinished)

Princesses and co. work through their issues (Unfinished)

What is Heard (Cannot be Unheard) (Finished)

Long Way Home (Unfinished)

The Hollowed of Etheria (Discontinued. For now at least. Author might revamp it)

Hordak and the Orphans of the Horde (Unfinished)

Big Sis (Finished)

Ex-Horde (Finished? Pretty good on its own though)

Prisoner of Conscience (Unfinished, still going strong)

Tales of Arcadia (Mostly Douxie Fics):

The Immortal Bonds (Unfinished, going strong)

I Can Make RotT So Much Worse (Unfinished, going strong)

Not After 900 Years (Finished)

A Different Path (Finished)

Half-Remembered (Finished)

Shattered Timelines (Unfinished, going strong)

In the Fullness of Time (Unfinished, updated recently)

One Last Time (Unfinished, updated recently)

Tales of Arcadia Watch Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans (Unfinished)

Crossover Fics:

Sold (TTS/HtTYD) (Finished) (Author is really good at angsty oneshots that should be made into full fics)

Varian’s Mysterious Transport (TTS/Infinity Train) (Unfinished, unexpected updates)

Of Rocks and Robots (TTS/Big Hero Six) (Series) (Unfinished, very consistent)

(Like the moon) I'll sway the tide and lead you astray (TTS/HtTYD) (Unfinished, haven’t read in a while)

Heathers and other fandoms react to stuff (Multifandom Crossover Fanfiction) (Unfinished, confusing update schedule, not every fandom gets much spotlight, still incredibly fun)

Chemistry in Motion (TTS/Big Hero Six) (Unfinished)

The Weight of Both Worlds (Hetalia/RWBY) (Series) (Finished) (My favorite fic ever)

Infinity (Hetalia/BNHA) (Unfinished, possibly discontinued)

G8 china in UA, 1-S class! (Hetalia/BNHA) (Unifinished, possibly dicontinued)

That Which Makes Up This Land (Hetalia/ATLA) (Unfinished, author is editing and reposting all their series, which could take about a year, but it will be back)

A Waterbending Quirk (ATLA/BNHA) (Unfinished, going strong)

Other Fics:

Earth is Odd Enough (Sanders Sides) (Unfinished)

UA Faculty Tiktok OCs (BNHA) (Webtoon) (Check out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63lWYueDsek&t=208s, she’s amazing) (Unfinished. The Tiktoks, on the otherhand, are very much still going)

Harry Potter and the Lack of Lambsauce (Harry Potter) (Finished)

Grinch x Tony the Tiger (You know) (Unfinished)

Flowey is Not a Good Life Coach (Undertale) (Finished)

It Wears a Mask (MCU Spiderman) (Finished)

A Different Fate (Harry Potter) (Finished)

A crack in the glass (eye) (ATLA) (Finished)

Identity Saga (MCU Spiderman) (Series) (Unfinished, author is very dedicated to fic and is incredibly determined to finish it, so highly unlikely to be discontinued)

Bakery Enemies AU (Miraculous Ladybug) (Comic) (Unfinished, going strong)

Authors I Like:

AquaQuadrant aka @aquaquadrant (probably know them if you’re in the Varian fandom. Ridiculously talented)

bethhigdon (in the TTS fandom and the Big Hero Six fandom, but also other stuff)

Cate_9xBlue aka @cate-9xblue (known best for their TTS fics)

Royalsciencenerd (Writes amazing TTS Varian fics)

HoneyxMonkey aka @honeyxmonkey (Writes TTS fics and talks a lot about Tales of Arcadia on their blog. Has some great ideas)

Sand_wolf579 (Has a large and varied catalogue)

ExploretheEcccentricities aka @exploretheeccentricities (Lots of TTS fics)

ShadowSnowdapple aka @shadowsnowdapple (RWBY Oscar fics that are amazing)

Widowfics (Great TTS writer)

AMax76 (Wrote the amazing Blood of My Brother)

violetsaren_tblue (has some great TTS fics I like)

Time Traverser (Excellent Hetalia America and Canada Fics)

Aloneintherain aka @captainkirkk (Just started reading their stuff, SO many excellent Spider-Man fics)

So yeah, just giving some appreciation for all the fic creators out there and their creations!

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elytrafemme · 2 years

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Hello! I just wrote my first ever plan for a story - before now, my writing has been mostly improvised. I’ve outlined it chapter by chapter with key details and points that I want to connect.

How did you plan out Cough Syrup? What structure did you use? Would you be comfortable showing?

Very curious and I’m HAVING FUN!

WOOHOO!!! SUPER HAPPY TO HEAR UR HAVING FUN :D

okay i would actually LOVE to talk about this but bear with me because this is kind of a lot.

so DSMP is not the first fandom i've written for, but it's the first fandom i've successfully had ongoing multichapters for. so i was pretty well versed in the whole multichapter planning gig but i was not... Good. at it. what i had done then was plan things out pretty meticulously, not every detail or anything but i had the whole plot settled before i even started drafting. and what would happen for me back then is that i would write a fic outline for a fic i didn't want to write. so it would just be an outline.

when i started cough syrup, i decided the plan (will be identified as Plan A for this) was just to Go For It. i had characterizations sorted out, vague plots, but not a ton of details hammered out. i'd go with it where i wanted to go with it, and that got me pretty far.

now the problem that arose from THAT is that i have a shitty memory. so i didn't want to retcon a lot of shit.

at around chapter 7 i think, i started assembling Planning Doc #1. Planning Doc #1 consists of: locations in the town of the fic; titles from song lyrics for chapts; fanart links; vague descriptions of cast i used a lot more earlier on than i do now; link to some character reference sheets; common misconceptions (AKA where a lot of the specific plot details i fuck up on go to die); plot points and scene ideas (i never use this anymore really); chapter summaries (no longer use post chapter 15); and where i keep the next chapter draft until it's completed.

now, something you can REALLY tell if you look at the first few chapters of CS to now is that my earlier plan of just Winging It caused a lot of weird inconsistencies. these fix themselves by like chapter 3-5 but they're still sort of odd. so this is when i started to think that i should give myself gentle suggestions for each chapter (Plan B) but still largely go with the flow

by the time i hit the draft of chapter 16, i hit ANOTHER problem, being that CS has several subplots that are really fucking hard to keep up with if you don't have chapters planned out, because i was writing things with no clear idea on where and when they would be going. Plan C involved the creation of Planning Doc #2, which i'll spare you from the details of but essentially includes numerous revamped (a fresh one as of yesterday has been added!) chapter outlines plus other random shit

so all this to say, as of right now, the way that I'm approaching the planning for CS is to have at least one scene planned per chapter-- some chapters have a LOT of details sorted out and it's more a matter of executing it + throwing extra scenes in there, some are really undetailed and i just fucking wing it. through this i can keep general track of how the plot lines are progressing and where each event falls so i know where to fix pacing errors or where things are progressing normally

i also leave a lot of room in my planning for, once again, random scenes. what used to stop me from writing fics with similarly detailed structures to CS at the moment was the fact that i didn't allow for scenes that i wanted to write for the sake of it. CS has the perk of me wanting to write 90% of the scenes i come up with, but i always allow for some space in case i want to tweak something (and remake my entire outline i digress), or just write something fun. also helps keep chapters balanced and not way too heavy or light when they need to be both at the same time

this is super super rambly but yeah ^-^ each fic has slightly different frameworks so i just stuck to CS bc it went through the most revamping, and also cos ive been talking for a while. super excited to potentially see this fic :O

#nightmare.ask #ttrebizond #nightmare.cough-syrup #this is so rambly and unhelpful im sorry FJDHDHF #i can give more concrete tips if you would prefer that #this is sort of me just. talkin abt it

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jaynovz · 2 years

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every third question for the fanfic meme

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year? (copy pasted from other answer :D)

The break-up scene from the Silver backstory is… I worked on it for so long guys. I worked on the fic itself for 7 months and it gave me FITS. And then like, the dynamic wasn’t quite right for William and John so I had to revamp it.

But yeah it paid off.

Uhhh honorable mention is The Epic Dog Pun Callout Speech Flint does in petplay.

6. least popular fic this year?

Sadly, and unsurprisingly, that would be the FlintMadi boat smut . I know this isn't a super popular pairing but like yall, it's def There. I have stared at canon and like. Yep. Here's a good excuse to go read my FlintMadi pieces b/c they're very good if I do say so myself. And I'm planning a non-sexual BDSM one for @calamitys-child ;)

9. longest wip of the year?

The Blacks Sails Post-canon Fix-it Fic! it's like 15k or something. It was the very first writing/collab project Brinn and I started on and we sure were Ambitious. I maintain that it will get finished eventually. By sheer force of will.

12. favorite character to write about this year?

That would be my terrible horrible sad pretty and complicated bundle of snakes lad, the one and only, John Silver.

everyone: surprised pikachu

I've left it all on the page (cough cough Silver backstory). Or in the shitposts, meta, playlists. I think yall have heard it all by this point lmao. But by all means, if you ever want my Silver opinions -gestures-

15. something you learned this year?

Well I sure learned I could write again! Also that I can make edits, and podfic, and art. Like. The creativity output has been absurd. Thank you pirate show and pirate fam, it's been great. I'm stunned, overjoyed, grateful.

18. current number of wips?

Hmmm.

Cupcakes. Becalmed au. Sex pollen v2. Break up mod au. Fix-it fic. Gorgon au. SoftVerse Series. Siren sequel.

Eight!

21. most memorable comment/review?

oh gosh. so I’ve recieved many wonderful, thoughtful comments, and I genuinely treasure all of them. But perhaps the most memorable is one on my very first published Black Sails fic, in over our heads.

I had basically never published fic before that point and was just. Not used to comments and didn’t expect any. And I can still remember how just over the MOON happy I was to get this one.

Thank you!!! It pushed me to write more for that story immediately. The comments are why flogging fic got three dif chapters <3

24. favorite fic you read this year? (copy pastin from other answer :D)

God what a difficult question tho… Let me go find the ones I’ve reread the most times.

Mkay so the two series that I’ve reread the most are:

Let me see you in your darkness by ember_firedrake which is a s1-s2 series where SilverFlint fall into some BDSM and then catch feelings.

and

Any Port in a Storm by Farasha which is a Very Similar vibe where they fall into a sexual relationship that def contains some Major Powerplay and BDSM elements and catch feelings XD

As you have seen… that is Supremely My Shit. I go back to these two series CONSTANTLY. They have basically everything I love about that dynamic. But for real just… Lookit my bookmarks.

27. favorite fanfic author of the year?

This is an extremely hard question but I gotta go with: @vowel-in-thug (ao3) for sheer quantity of amazing stories. I have literally read every single one of her Black Sails stories. Multiple times. And love each and every one to pieces. ESPECIALLY ORANGE VERSE. Thank you for your words. <3

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year? (copypasta)

Well it’s PIRATES of course! 2021 is All Pirates All The Time babeyyyy. (Black Sails for those not paying attention :P)

Gosh that was a ton of questions, bless you!!

#beanarie #thoughts #anon #ask game #black sails #john silver

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seokiloquy · 3 years

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Longing and Linger - Tsukishima Kei

AU: Songfic/ Regular / Unrequited love

Revamp

Tags/Warnings: Gender Neutral Reader

Word Count: 1.6K +

You could want this

See if it fits for a bit

And if you don't like it

Then you can go like you have been

And I'll never tell, never tell how I fell for it

I never fell before

You watched as Tsukishima Kei got another confession from another person.

Freaking fantastic.

You weren’t surprised though, he got confessions every day like clockwork. He was an asshole that way, accepting confession after confession and then rejecting them again within a number of days when he decided he was done.

Your undying crush on him made it worse. Even if you had the courage to confess to him, you knew that you’d just be washed in with the rest of the cycle, you'd be dated and then forgotten.

Actually, what made it worse was the fact that he was one of your best friends before your crush set in. You knew what he was like before and that alone should’ve changed your heart about him, but it didn’t.

Your mind flicked back to the moment in front of you as you watched the girl break into a huge grin, and ran away with a blushing red face. Tsukishima rubbed his head as he walked back to you and Yamaguchi and sat down with a sigh.

“Another confession Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Yup, maybe she’ll be better than the last one,” Tsukishima said with a shrug.

The bell rang and you shot up from your seat. Quickly, you packed up your lunch container, ignoring Yamaguchi’s calls, and sped to class. You rounded the corner and stopped, leaning against the brick walls of the school.

You expected this. You knew it was going to happen again, so why did it hurt so much?

Rethinking back to the day you met him and retracing everything from that moment on, you could never pinpoint the time you fell for him. It must have been little fragments over time, but you never liked anyone before you met him. Incidentally, you didn’t tell anyone you did because you were afraid of confiding in anyone that you fell for a heartbreaker.

It even plagued you in your nightmares—or at least they felt like nightmares. You’d wake up from dreams of you finally confessing to him, only for Tsukishima to never say yes, but not quite no and then leave you standing there. His words would mash together and would be chosen so carefully that you weren’t sure what actually happened.

However, one thing that you knew for certain was that you’d never let that be a reality.

“Hey, Yamaguchi, have you seen Tsukki?” you asked.

Yamaguchi nodded. “He said that he’ll meet me at volleyball practice. He said that he needed to do something.”

“Really? That soon?” you questioned.

He gave you a small smile and shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry, (Y/N).”

Yamaguchi squeezed your arm gently and left.

You spent the next few minutes walking around the school building trying to find him and came up short. But you took the girl running past you with tears streaming down their face as the first sign that you were going in the right direction. You turned the corner and, to no surprise, found Tsukishima standing there. He ran his hands through the short blond hair and shook his head.

“Another one?” you asked walking up to him, trying to hide your frown.

“Yeah, she was too clingy. She wanted me to meet her parents and we haven’t even had an actual conversation yet,” he said, picking up his gym bag.

Tsukishima turned his head to smile at you. He placed a hand on your head and ruffled through your hair. “Why can’t they be more like you?”

He gave you a slight wave of his hand and then disappeared between the gymnasium doors. You stared at the closed metal door and shook your head. “I’m right here.”

3, 2, 1, you get right up and I'm the one done You never say yes, not quite no Say just enough to make me not go You choose your words, Careful voice, in the end I'm not the first choice You say you want someone just like me

So then why am I your plan, Why am I your plan, Why am I your plan B?

“Morning,” Tsukishima grumbled, as he sat beside you during the first period.

“Morning. Did you get another confession today?” You joked.

You said it jokingly, but inside you were really hoping that the answer was no.

Please say no.

He chuckled, “Who knows? Maybe it’s you who's next.”

You looked down trying to hide your blush.

Maybe you could wait a little longer...

You know, you know you love the way I linger and, You keep me wrapped right round your finger, But you say, you say, just wait a little longer, and And in time, I could be the right one Please, I'm the B team

It turns out that being told “maybe you're the next one” wasn’t the best thing to be told when you're on a string like Pinocchio. He dated a few people ever since that day and you watched on the sidelines as he went through relationship after relationship.

“You know,” Tsukishima said, sitting down next to you. “Dating people is really hard. Why can’t it be easy?”

You raised your eyebrows. Oh, the words you could say, but you settle for a shrug. “Maybe it’s supposed to be hard? Nothing good in life comes easily.”

“But it shouldn't be this hard, you know?” He asked. “I just want to date someone. Is that so hard for the world to understand?”

He glanced at you and patted your hand. “I’m happy that I have you though.”

This could hurt some, But if we don't never know what it's worth to ya I saw you first, Do ya remember? You played it well, victim sell, How I fell for it, I never fell before

“You’re what??” someone screamed.

You stopped in your tracks and peered around the brick corner. You saw Tsukishima with his most current boyfriend yelling at him. He stood over him, looking at him blankly like he had all the time in the world.

“I’m breaking up with you,” Tsukishima sighed.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked. He took a step away from Tsukishima.

“You didn’t,” Tsukishima said, shaking his head. “I just don’t feel it between us.”

He scoffed. “Then why did you accept my confession?”

Tsukishima went still for a moment. You guessed that he never had someone question him like that.

Tsukishima shrugged.

The boy shook his head. “You’re an asshole.”

You saw Tsukishima say something to himself, but you were too far to hear him.

“You know,” you said, once you were in his hearing range. He turned to face you, but he didn’t have his usual indifference when he broke up with someone. “If you keep breaking up with them within the span of a week you’re never going to find someone.”

“Who asked you?” Tsukishima spat. “Are you stalking me or something? You're here every single time I break up with someone! It has nothing to do with you.”

“if you wouldn’t break up with so many people, then maybe I wouldn’t keep running into you!” you shouted back. You stepped away from him too. “You are an asshole.”

You like to make me beg, yes you like it You like to make me beg, you do

Say just enough to make me not go

Yamaguchi pushed Tsukishima towards you and ran away.

You rolled your eyes. “What do you want?”

You had been actively avoiding Tsukishima since your fight. But, in your defence, he has been avoiding you too.

“Will you go out with me?”

You choked on your water. “Excuse me.”

Tsukishima took a step closer to you. You stilled. This is what you dreamt about. This is what you waited for. “Will you go out with me?”

You closed your eyes. You let out a breath and took a step back. “No.”

He flinched. “Why?”

“Tsukishima, I’ve been your best friend for a while now,” you sighed, “I’ve seen literally what you do. You date people and then dump them like it’s nothing. Do you even like me as more than a friend? And are we going to forget that we yelled at each other not even a week ago? You’re ridiculous if you think I could just forget that.”

“I don’t mean to do that,” he said. He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry about our fight. It was wrong of me to yell at you. Forgive me?”

Your jaw tightened and you had to bite back the surprise you had. You never heard him apologize to anyone before…

“You’re forgiven.”

He smiled. “Thank you.” He took another breath. “I wouldn’t do that to you. You’re right, I do that, but I wouldn’t for you. Trust me on that.”

You met his eyes. His brown eyes shone with a new hope. A hope for you.

“One chance,” he said. “That’s all I ask for.”

“One chance.”

You know you, you love the way I linger and, You keep my wrapped right round your finger But you say, you say, just wait a little longer, and And in time I could be the right one

Please I'm the B Team

Doop de doop - Kiwi

Posted: 12/12/2020

#haikyuu x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #Haikyuu #x reader #oneshot #oneshots #haikyuu oneshots #haikyuu reader insert #reader insert #aus #haikyuu aus #fluff #haikyu #anime x reader #anime #manga x reader #manga

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beebuchanan · 3 years

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tagged by the lovely @hvitserkk thank you so much!! 💛💛

tagging anyone who sees this and wants to 😚tag me please i wanna see your answers!

1. why did you choose your url?

my bucky barnes hyperfixation a few years ago 😗✌️lmaoooo. his full name is bucky buchanan barnes, so i went with b (bee) buchanan! i used to change it through my hyperfixations years ago but got kinda lazy post bucky? and now i just think the bee is very cute and i like it!

2. any side blogs?

nope! just constantly posting all my thoughts on here

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

oof i wanna say since like...2010? 2011? a long ass time (with this blog since the beginning as well!)

4. do you have a queue tag?

ahhh no! i tried it like once i think, but could never figure out how to actually post it later lmao. i just come on here, reblog 50 things, then leave 😛

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

my love for one direction of course 💁🏻‍♀️i don't even really remember why, probably just all my friends had one and i was like oh cool, social media!

6. why did you choose your icon?

i was finallyyyy revamping my vibe post bucky love (like 5 years after the fact lmao) and was like... what do i actually like for an icon outside of an icon of who i love at the moment? i've always liked the vibe of cartoon characters as icons, and thought totally spies would be so cute. some lovely person on here had this icon and i thought she fit! honestly i don't have a personal connection to any of the totally spies characters in particular, i was just like cool she's blond and i used to be blond 🤗and she's cute!

7. why did you choose your header?

currently do not have one! couldn't find one that i really liked to fit with the theme, and i just love pink and thought it looked cute with my icon 💓

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

i....am a grade A lurker and honestly don't know if i've....ever made an actual post on here? of my own? sounds insane to type out but. the posts i've REBLOGGED with the most notes are angel waking up and shooting the birds with a water machine gun (makes me laugh EVERY. TIME.), a hilarious scene from the addams family (i absolutely love that movie they're so funny), and this gifset of ICONIC cinema speed with angel hotties keanu reeves and sandra bullock!! so! those are fun 😙

9. how many mutuals/followers do you have?

i have 618 followers! and like...very few mutuals lol i'm not even sure of the exact number 🤭

10. how many people do you follow?

i'm following 104 people! i tend to switch em out with my interests, but they're from my latest loves and surround: mayans mc, shadow and bone, good girls, pedro pascal (/ narcos), jon bernthal (/ the punisher), lucifer, succession, veronica mars, gilmore girls, new girl, outer banks, and atla!

11. have you ever made a shitpost?

ah no 🙈 continuing with my lurker/no posting vibes lol!

12. how often do you use tumblr?

oh everyday at this point. i had a good few years where i would just come on and reblog when i was reallyyyyy into something, but 2021 has just really reignited tumblr for me. honestly it's the best social media i love it here i'm simply vibing 😎🤟🏻

13. did you have a fight/argument with another blog? who won?

oh definitely not 😶i mostly keep to myself lmao!

14. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

yeah..... i don't do those. leave me alone lmao. they would get so much farther with me if they didn't have those!! don't shame me into doing something it doesn't work lads

15. do you like tag/ask games?

yes!! i've only recently started being tagged/asked to do them and they're so fun!! i love talking about myself / sharing stuff about myself with others / learning about other people and making connections, so they’re perfect 💛

16. which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous?

@hvitserkk 👀? listen they're a legend they SHOULD be famous if they're not!! gif legend 4ever >>>>

17. do you have a crush on a mutual?

ahhhh no! i'd say i'm a fan of talent/people's vibes and personalities, but no crushes (at least not yet 👀🤭!)

#thank you for tagging me lovely!!#this was so so fun 💛❤️‍🔥#about me #!

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sclfmastery · 4 years

Note

Hell yeah, I need soft things.... get ready bitches, this is all my mainverses, so it’s gonna be LONG lmfao.

--------------

SIMM X THIRTEEN (kids: Zinnia, Martha, Jack) : --Became licensed doula just so he could be the one to deliver all his kids. Has done so, with aplomb. In fact never lets anyone forget that he is in fact a licensed doula. Will mention it 3-5 times per conversation with anyone ever.

--Spoiled Thirteen a lot during pregnancy. To the point that she starts to like being pregnant, lol. --Goes interchangeably by “Daddy” and “Mum.” Whichever the kid is feeling at the time. Secretly likes “Mum” best but doesn’t wanna pressure anybody. --He is terrified his children will find out one day about the horrible things he’s done to their mother’s companions in the past.

--He misses being a mother specifically. His clearest memories of parenthood are as a mother of one daughter, in his second face, which is little-known-of, but is the face Missy referred to when she mentioned a brooch the Doctor gave her “when my daughter....” He is convinced he will fail his three current babies as he did his first child, by failing to protect her during the Time War, when ostensibly she died (but who knows, maybe she didn’t....?) --Literal best friends with eldest daughter, Zinnia, thusly named after the first earth flower to bloom in space. She is him, miniature, down to the fat cheeks, tiny nose, and exact shade of blond hair. Her faceclaim is Elle Fanning. She’s artistic (she assigns colors to people’s telepathic “feeling,” with the Master as Red, the Doctor as Blue, herself as Purple) and almost bizarrely prescient about the moods and thoughts of others, especially for a child of three. Her vocab is up to that of a seven or eight year old human child’s. --Learned to sew to make a lot of her stuffed animals. Learned to cook to make her organic baby food and branched out to adult meals. Previously was a disastrously bad cook.

--Has built the most complex maze of Erector Set toys (think the little builder people from Fraggle Rock lol) for babies. This, he believes, will be their little playground paradise. It’s set so that anytime Zinnia opens the nursery door and walks in, a little purple ball rolls along the whole landscape. During Christmas time (this Koschei loves Christmas even though he hates humans, lol) he also builds in a trainset with a little waving Santa Claus in the engine car. He delights in spoiling his children with elaborate toys and games. --Right before Zinnia was born, revamped the entire merged DoctorxMaster superTARDIS to be child proofed, and made the nursery armored so that even in the unlikely event of an enemy penetrating the TARDIS, the nursery would lock and be impenetrable to anyone but either parent. Woke up at night terrified by nightmares of convoluted ways she could be killed on the TARDIS. Like, truly implausible ways. --Took extensive scientifically sound documentation of every stage of both of Thirteen’s pregnancies. Measured her belly, took videos, asked her roughly every other day if they could go take a new sonogram.

--Gained about 25 lbs of sympathy weight over the first pregnancy. All custard cream stress-eating.

--Upon Thirteen’s urging, named their next kids, fraternal twins, Martha and Jack, after companions they both felt they’d especially wronged, as a vow to do better.

--Zinnia adores Bill Potts, or “Auntie Bill.” After the Master offers careful conversation (and profuse sincere apology) to Bill, who is living with Heather on a distant planet, they very slowly reconcile their friendship from their time on the Mondasian ship. He convinces her to talk to the Doctor, who also apologizes and reconciles with Bill. Zinnia has decided she will be Bill’s best friend forever.

--Koschei will impenitently kill anyone who threatens his children’s lives, and has. And not in a quick merciful way.

--Ironically he regularly has nightmares about converting all three of them, but especially Zinnia, into Cybermen: something he would die before ever doing.

--This Koschei is his babie’s best A) playmate (no game is too silly or undignified), B) storyteller, and C) cheerleader/advocate. He can pull any child out of the deepest meltdown or tantrum or sad spot or post-nightmare fear with a snuggle and just a few words. His sanguine disposition and bombastic charm are a comfort to them.

--This Koschei and Thirteen are planning on terraforming Gallifrey in their timeline, which is POST-Timeless-Children canon. They want to plant a silver tree and build an entire “home base” farm around it, where their babies can play and grow up knowing the land of their heritage.

SIMM x NINE:

--He absolutely wants a kid, wants to be “mum,” with all the same memories from his Second face, but is afraid to ask Nine about loom tech now that Nine destroyed Gallifrey. Will it upset, guilt, or trigger his husband to bring up anything lost to the carnage?

SIMM x TWELVE:

--He absolutely wants a kid, wants to be “mum,” and is wholly intending to ask the Doctor at the right moment in their relationship, when the Doctor is more secure that he’s forgiven and that Koschei harbors no lingering resentments or mistrust (he really doesn’t, but this Doctor is very tired and emotionally fragile, and is having a hard time believing him). As all Time Lords are intersex (EU canon, though I can’t remember the source now, gah), he’s considering carrying the first child the “non-loomy way,” though managing this will be difficult given the only thing all Time Lords share reproductively is a uterus. If that can’t be managed, he wants them to build a loom. And he will demand that they do, lmao.

DHAWAN x THIRTEEN (children: Nova): --Thirteen is “mum” and Koschei is “mama.”

--During Thirteen’s pregnancy, Koschei took progress photos of her belly and painted her at every stage, in the nude. He’s an accomplished visual artist in this face.

--She asked that he also paint a planet on her pregnant belly. He obliged of course.

--He hid all her disgusting sweets and candies during her pregnancy, with riddles and notes explaining “bad for baby xoxo,” and she almost killed him.

--But he also spoiled her a lot.

--Koschei is an accomplished seamstress ;) and sews all of Nova’s clothes. She is very haute couture because of mama.

--Nova is born deaf. She and her mama have been telepathically “conversing” since she was in the womb, however, so they already have their own developed language. Koschei learns comprehensive BSL in one day by putting his brain on three separate simultaneous tracks (as he’s shown able to do in The Timeless Children) and devoting each to mastery of the vocabulary. He then teaches it to his daughter when she’s old enough to learn.

--Thirteen often calls Koschei “mama kangaroo.” This is because he carries Nova everywhere inside whatever shirt he’s wearing, like it’s a kangaroo pouch. He does this until she’s like seven or eight and just too big for it. He cries when he has to stop. She’s pretty bummed out too, but she starts to ride around on his back instead.

--During the aftermath of the Timeless Children events, Koschei sought therapy, even voluntarily staying at a facility for mental wellness when he could have easily sabotaged the efforts and broken out. He learned all kinds of self-soothing mindfulness and meditation techniques there. He teaches these telepathically to Nova and they sit together yogi style meditating. Sometimes this is a hybrid event with tea parties. They both wear their best dress.

--They also enjoy taking a dip in the TARDIS’s pool together. He plays Jaws to make her laugh.

--I have more but I’ll stop. FOR NOW.

DHAWAN x NINE:

--Same exact deal as Simm and Nine. Same. Exact. Deal, but mixed up with Simm and Twelve :3c So he wants to very literally become a mum with his big tough husband-to-be.

----------

Both of my muses live and die for their children. They adore being dadmums. They are the best version of themselves with and for their babies.

#headcanons #mostincrediblechange #pregnancy tw #reference

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rairix · 5 years

Text

A simple pokemon sword review

Let it be known I’ve been with these games since Blue and a fan of the series since the episode of “Ash catches a pokemon” first aired on tv. (Also this ran way longer than I thought it would)

Good bits:

Pokecamp- is fun, curry is the most useful pkm food introduced yet

Wild Area- is neat in concept, more on it in cons though. Offline it’s great.

Gyms were fun, missions were basically S/M trials with a leader at the end

Clothing- YES, still could use a lot more (A color selector would be better than the set choices though) but they do give a ton of cool options this time around.

Trainer Cards- Finally letting us design what we share with other trainers, at first thought it was lame till I unlocked some cute extras and started trading them with other trainers.

Stronger Pokemon in Wild Area- I love it, and while they lied again about not being able to encounter a shinny you can’t catch, this is something pokemon has always talked about and finally we see it in the wild.

Two day cares-one in the wild which is nice if you’re shiny grinding or doing raids and the other on a long straight stretch of land right by where you get the bike.

Bad Bits

Story- Oh this seems so over all meh in all the games. Like even team rocket in Gold/Silver had more plot to them. Like we’ve had great bad guys since B/W and boy does it feel like they didn’t even try this time.

Rivals- Hop is everything that was wrong with Hau and made more annoying. Bede could of been great but thanks to middle of the game plot he gets ruined, when he could of been the dick rival we’ve wanted back since R/B. Marnie is the only rival I enjoyed because she actually was well developed. (Hop develops story wise but he’s shit from the get go so you really don’t care)

Wild Area- Playing it online is a slough that rivals launch day server lag from World of Warcraft expansions. Pop in is horrible, things won’t span for multiple seconds when you’re next to them. Trying to do anything other than raids is pointless online due to the lag. Oh and the random weather system is horrible. There’s pokemon that don’t spawn in rain and have a 2% spawn rate in a area that has been nothing but rain since launch for me.

Way less NPC trainers- There’s maybe 10 trainers tops on a route, and only 10 routes in the game. They cut back severely on types as well. Hex Maniacs, Mediums, Jugglers, Bikers, Bird Keepers are the few that came to mind right away as missing.

Post game- man that’s a nice 20 set trainer tower...oh wait no it’s not.

Parts with no music, and needing an item to control sound options

You can’t refight trainers- at least I don’t think you can, maybe you have to find and item or I’m just a dumbass.

Addressing “problems” in the game

Cut dex, yeah no one is happy on it, but because of the weird weather patterns in the Wild you’re not gonna find half the pokemon that ARE IN the game to where trying to even nab them is a pain.

Move cut- You notice this really hard early on. Farm for watts to by TRs to get some real attacks on your low lvl pokemon cause boy is it shit moves till the 30s for most of them. I have yet to find false swipe and I’m worried it’s not in the game.

Animations- I actually can’t say because I turn off battle animations.

Reused trees/ugly areas- GF really dropped the ball on this, while the Wild Area is kind of meh, all non route areas are beautiful. The mushroom forest was my favorite.

Dynamaxing- I used it in raid battles, purposefully didn’t use it in gyms to prove a point to myself. It will quickly be forgotten next gen.

Raid Battles- with others it’s laggy as hell. On your own you can often get random teams with pokemon that are sure to die from the first hit. The candies they give you for winning and the biggest cheese in the game. My togekiss was lvl 89 when I finished the game just cause I threw candies on it so I wouldn’t have to grind on wild pokemon.

Same Models- yep, they plain out lied on that one.

XP share stays on. You can pretty much beat the game without grinding and just fighting every trainer you can and some minimal pokemon catching. I did baby nuzlock rules (no fainting or they’re gone, and only that rule) and was ok without grinding until the 2nd gym. I only lost 5 pokemon the entire game though.

Weird evolution methods-Yawnmask’s new one is so random I don’t even know how we figured it out.

Overall Ratings:

Story: 5/10

New Stuff:7/10

New Pokemon: 7/10

Challenge: 5/10 (no candies used) 2/10 (candies used, high lvl raids do require skill/luck)

Sound: 7/10 for when it’s there, 0/10 for when it’s not.

At the end of the day it’s a basic pokemon game. It’s not as good and past games, but it does scratch the new pokemon itch that Let’s Go didn’t. I hope they go the route of X/Y and don’t do a 2nd version of this and instead start on the next gen with some major revamps and more time taken on it. It lacks polish. The plot of the story is so blah coming off of the past we games bad guys. The “evil team” doesn’t capture the charm that Team Skull gave us or any memorable characters that aren’t a rival. Some of the new pokemon are really cool, but half the cool ones have the most random spawn weather rates in the series. If you like pokemon games, you’re gonna like it fine. It’s a decent sit for it’s price tag. If you do the extra stuff it’s a good sit for the price. I liked it more than I expected, just wish there was a bit more to do in post game.

#pokemon #pokemon sword #nintendo #nintendo switch #review #game review #video game review #video game

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wonhoetryme · 6 years

Text

Pillow Talk (Mornings)

Optional Bias

Length: 1.7k

Genre: FLOOFY AF

Summary: No, you don't like waking up so early in the morning. But if you get to wake up next to him, you guess it isn’t always so bad.

Request: Can you write a fluffy scenario with cute nicknames. It doesn’t have to be part of the plot, just a supplement to it lol. Thanks! Good luck with your new blog!

A/N: !!!! Updated edition. I first posted this on an older blog that is no longer existent but it fit the request and I really wanted to revamp it. I had it saved so I edited the original scenario to post on here. Hope you enjoy!

Waking up in the mornings is something you’ve never admittedly been good at. Sure, you’re able to wake up early to get to school, work, and dentist appointments on time, but all that stuff is different. Who wakes up at 4am on a Saturday?

Not you, that’s who. It’s just… waking up at the butt crack of dawn on is nowhere on your weekend to-do list.

The sucky thing though, is that you’ve snagged yourself an active boyfriend, and he loves to do exactly that.

This, of course, you never understand because, why wake up early when there was a warm, comfy bed to sleep on, and someone as sweet as you to cuddle up to?

Nonetheless, regardless if he had eight hours of sleep or three, he continuously slips out of your embrace and into runner’s sweats every morning at 4:30 am. Without fail.

One morning, however, you were sleeping extremely light. Your nerves were sensitive to sound, to movement. As soon as that alarm clock wailed, you were awake. That torturous sound woke you up successfully for the first time in years.

You blinked twice, squinting as the weight of your eyelids forced you to keep ‘em closed. Beside your bed, another chorus of BEEPS ring through the chilly bedroom air. A groan rolls from your throat and your arms twitch, making you stir a bit.

There was no way in hell that alarm clock would wake you up this early on your day off. No way.

You felt his strong arms pull away from their warm spot on your waist to punch the damn thing quiet, blessing him as he did so. You forced your eyes open when he shifted around more.

He groaned and you felt him stretch beneath your chest. His collarbone and pectoral pillows made the perfect resting spot for your head.. His muscles flexed then relaxed; strained then released. You yawned while he continued to move, mentally cursing him for how tone he is and how he just has to be an early bird. You tried so hard to close your eyes again in hopes to find your way back into slumber, but it didn't quite work. Despite this much, you were refusing any intention to move away from him.

You snuggled closer to his neck, bringing handfuls of his shirt with you. By nuzzling your nose into his skin, you stole the warmth from his neck to ease your cold blood. It was kinda cute how he wriggled beneath you when you sniffled into his collarbone.

He laughed right then, letting the rumble of his throat and chest shake you into screwing your eyebrows together.

“I know, you’re awake, princess.” he chuckled.

Again, you curse him for using his raspy morning voice.

“Mmm. Yeah, but I don’t wanna be.” You do your best to mumble without growling. Your lips were cracked and dry and you wanted to do anything else except talk and hold a conversation at 4:30 in the damn morning.

“Then go back to sleep, baby girl.” his voice was back down to a whisper. On the outside, you were struggling to find sleep, but on the inside, you were burning, trying not to smile at how he calls you such cute ass nicknames.

“But you’re in my bed, and I don’t want you to go.” You pulled on his shirt again, using it to cover up your face, and opening one eye to look at him.

“Awe… now don’t do that…” he grinned. He found it cute, you laying on top of him, hiding behind his shirt, peeking up at him with one eye. His fingers had so softly tucked some of your stray hairs behind your ear. He just wanted to see more of your morning puffy face. “Y/N, I gotta go run and work out.”

“No, ya don’t.” You were quick to fire back. “You can just stay here and be my pillow. I want you to stay right. Here.” You pat his chest beside where your head lay. His chest was too comfy and, without his body heat, you were completely positive that you would freeze.

“Come on, I do this every morning. You know I always let you have your sleep, princess.” he sounded like he was whining for you, running his hand up and down your back. There’s hardly ever a time when you’d wake up in his arms without goosebumps.

“Yeah, and?” You screwed your eyes shut again, reaching over to enclose him in a hug you hoped he couldn’t get out of.

But he did. Easily.

“I’ll only be gone for an hour or so. I’ll be back, showered and clean right in time to cuddle you before you even wake up.”

You sit up immediately, locking both elbows and ignoring the slight spin in your head as you look down at him.

“I’m already awake, B/N. And you trying to leave me while I wanna cuddle you isn’t going to make me any more of a morning person in an hour or so.”

Beneath you, he stretched. He was grinning like an idiot, putting both hands behind his head. He smiled, letting the slight dimples in his cheeks show. Watching you get all irritated over something as fluffy as this always tickled him a little. He just found you so darn cute like that.

“Okay, now you’re just being rude.” You scoffed.

His eyes creased with his grin and you tried to stay annoyed when his eyebrows wiggled up and down. He knows just how to make you squirm, and you wanted to slap him for being so goddamn boyfriend this early in the morning.

“You could always go running with me,” he suggested. But you liked to be active in the daytime. Like normal people.

“Nevermind. You can leave. Bye.” You laughed, falling down to his side.

“Oh, you know you love me.” He reached over to place his lips on your cheek before throwing his side of the sheets off and getting up from the mattress.

“You have morning breath anyway” You mumbled, upset that he won that round. What? You weren’t lying…

To your own displeasure, you slipped out of the covers as well, cringing when your bare feet met the cold wooden floors. He flipped on the closet light in front of you and started rummaging through the hangers. Ten seconds later, he pulled out a clean pair of sweats.

Glancing at you while you shoved your unruly bed head into a loose bun, he smiled and shook his head. He expected you to plop back down on the bed and knockout.

“What, decide to come with?”

“HAH. YOU’RE FUNNY.” You got up, walking towards him with open arms. Tightly, you hugged your arms around his waist. You rested your chin on his chest, just as you did in bed. “Nah, I’m already wide awake, I might as well make some coffee.”

“Awe…” he pouted, jutting his bottom lip out like he was 10 years old. He placed his hands on your waist, right around your arms. He looked down at you then, smiling slightly. “and here I thought I was gonna get to see my baby girl in those leggings.”

“Please, I don’t have to go running to wear leggings.” With the second playful scoff of the morning, you patted his chest and untangled yourself from his hug. “And, just because you said it, I’m not gonna wear them at all today like I planned.”

A smirk laced your lips as you walked away from him. You heard a light-hearted chuckle. It was easy to tell that you got the reaction you wanted: he was shaking his head, laughing with disdain as he changed into his sweats. He’s a legging kind of man, and you refusing your legs to him was a running gag.

Not even ten minutes later, the strong aroma of brewing coffee filled the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, you skimmed over the newspaper from a few days before.

The soft sound of clothed steps made their way to you, ending with a chaste kiss on the temple and a sidestep toward the fridge. He placed a full glass of water on the counter next to you. With a yawn, you watched him bend down to slip on his running shoes.

Because you were shamelessly checking him out, you took a sharp breath in. Maybe you gazed a bit too long and thought a bit too hard about how nice those sweatpants fit him.

And when he stood back up to gulp down some water, you giggled just a little bit at your own antics.

“What?…” he asked. His smile was so sheepish, you found him even more adorable.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing…” You threw him a smirk, looking away from him to pour yourself a mug of coffee. There was a lot of effort going in to suppress your laughter. “You going for that run yet?”

He was gulping down his water, and you ogled him again, taking in the shape of his neck and the veins that made their way into the show.

“Yup.” He placed his empty glass in the sink and came toward you for a hug. “I’m already out the door.”

He bent down and you met him halfway for a minty, toothpaste-tasting kiss on the lips.

“Mmm…” though the taste was odd, you grinned. It was pleasant and joyful. You brought your arms down from his neck, and back to the coffee pot.

“No more morning breath?” He chuckled, leaning beside you to check his watch.

“Not at all. And…” despite not being a morning person, you felt extremely happy in that moment. And because of this, you rushed to get on your tiptoes and greet your boyfriend with another kiss on the cheek. “...I like it that way.” A single wink colored your cheeks.

He chuckled, shaking his head again and finally walking to the door and opening it. Halfway out of the apartment, he turned around to look at you.

“I love it when you wake up early.”

“Ha, ha,” you told him. “I love you too.”

“You should wake up early more often!”

“Not a chance, Early Bird!”

He chuckled at you, finally closing the front door behind him as he left.

Waking up before the sun isn’t always so bad.

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lullaandby · 4 years

Text

sincerely yours. c text

JIZZ for Jesus 1 minute 15 seconds/ short.

My being single was a topic that has worried my 85 year old father.

a treasure chest of anxiety who had anointed himself my dating guru.

Every week he comes up with a new line of advice.

The first was that I should go to church and find a nice guy.

Ah ok, but Church is centered around redemption themed activities.

What am I going to do- tell someone

"hey. I ah just saw the way you placed your lips to that chalice- and it got something going down here

He thought about it some more and came back with-

["Hey Jo! You know what?"

That's the way my dad always speaks, in a tenor most people reserve for an extreme emergency, like a school evacuation.

"These guys are no good.

Nah. Not like how they used to be.

So you fuck 'em Jo. Take what you need and get outta there. Don't be a whore but just get what you need."

Okay dad. Very different types of advice but thank you.

So I figured out a way to combine the two bits of information. It's a little program I like to call Jizz For Jesus.

Just vats of cum in my face in the name of our lord and savior.

Just trying to be a good daughter. ]

Then he goes " HEY Jo"

That tone means he doesn't want my mom to hear.

What Dad.

"Are you a lesbian?"

No Dad.

"ok well I want you to know it's ok."

thanks.

"well.... do you know what they do?"

who?

"The LESBIANS!!! how do they do it"

Dad. We're done here.

ST HORROR

Catholic interior design is amazingly bold.

Where else would you be able to get away

With that focal point?

Imagine walking into the grocery store to get some ice cream

And you saw a statue of someone over the cereal aisle

life size

Just bleeding.

Then another one by the ice cream

Smiling while a gentle breeze rolls

Through his luscious locks

And sun illuminates down upon him.

And everyone else was like oh yeah.

That’s our good buddy Ralph.

He helped to make this place.

No worries just keep hoping for a good life and

Get all your groceries into a cart.

Or just rolling up to your first soccer game

And over the goal net

there’s a photo of your neighbor,

Mr. Gershon who served in Vietnam

And passed away last year.

Just bleeding profusely.

And everyone’s just like oh yeah.

He sacrificed for us.

No worries here’s an orange slice ad some high c fruit punch.

It’s just how you avoid hell.

Did you bring in money for team photo?

And how’s your fundraising going for the new jerseys.

FIREY PITS

The whole concept of hell gets so left behind.

It becomes this thought in the back of your mind,

To Avoid the fiery pit.

Really the church needs a revamp.

Instead of a fiery pit just start telling people

They will get zero likes on their posts

If they don’t comply.

Watch pews fill up.

GOOD TO KNOW the Bible

Dad the only person who invited in Jehovahs they multiplied.

The he…

Years later they still came to visit him so we had to do what I like to call reverse bible chats.

It always starts with a lead in question

“Do you know…” and they insert a bible verse.

It’s a trap like when your friend asks you if you know someone else-

Either they talked shit about you or you are going to hear shit talked about them.

But when it’s bible rhetoric it’s so easy to just listen

And hit them with

Dueternonmy

Corninthians and just put in random numbers.

Then conclude with your own opinion.

And they walk away.

OFFERING OTHER SALVATION

Just so odd

What other types of salvation?

Some like weird cheese

Do it out

BIBLICAL HERO

Take a quiz to see what type of biblical hero you are

Moses

Mary Magdalene cuz she’s a hoe

How did they have hoes in the Bible?

I’d like to see a Moses parting the seas of peers who are holding back orgasms

And older ladies shaming for wearing too short skirts and saying well you asked for it,nder their breath

And he just bellows out

“Let my whores go”

Then they walk to a land where

they create amazing porn for ladies and general

healthcare that covers all forms of birthcontrol

PORHN HUB THE WORLD

More than the bible, The answer is porn

if there were as many categories on porn hub

As there were ideas for world peace and conservation

We’d be all set.

LADIES NIGHT

We need more categories for porn by ladies.

Just liven it up make it more representative.

Less filthy next door neighbor taking big dicks

Reading a book and getting your nips tweaked

Getting your ass eaten while watching cute animals lick their faces

Finishing a craft while on top - look how cute his eyes are, and then you just go to outer space

Eating lasagna while anything

LADIES ARE MORE DANGEROUS

More outlets for female intelignece and for ladies to cum.

That combo creates a burtito cloud of peace with melted cheese around the female psyche.

This is essential.

Ask any dude who is pissed off a crazy eyes girl.

Who was just one two many break ups deep.

There are absoultely crazy guys

But they more start a ned narrative that didn’t happen

Or if something was wrong they just avoid and deny.

Pretty Much All Ladies will say-

Ok let me find your birth record,

Then trail onto you best friend from preschool

Take a flight to New Orleans- get a witch

Dig up a dead body and procure the two pinky fingers as payment

Rally up anyone else who hates you

Put their soul in a doll, send it to your house

Then around 10pm give you 3 hearts on insta to hide the evidence.

That’s day one.

STORY- ME

( How sexual repression makes you into a vengeful person)

FOR REAL REVENGE.

Girls who are all about the revenge you generally can find zero social media presence on them

And they like to do control based things

The girl in your office

Keep talking about going to sweet greens

Or paint night

They are the mid level managers of the world who Marshall over every event and

When you go out to dinner make sure that everyone is paying the exact amount

THE REAL REGINA GEORGRE

I have no idea why people are obsessed with teenager Regina Georges

Because the real assholes are

repressed, undersexed mothers with body image issues

Who feel as if their children have stolen their lives

BECUASE FAIR IS FAIR.

They begin to not even see it as revenge.

It’s just fairness.

Because they have been taught to be nice and they are seething.

COME A LONG WAY

We’ve come a long way sexuality from

Your aunt who has the solid Ronald mc Donald hair cut and a long short chino

With a polo shirt

[50k categories and several articles]

MONGOOSE.

VALIDATION STATION.

Repression in females comes from mis placed validation

The validation that seems promised from being nice and doing the right thing.

AND JEALOUSLY

AND WORRIED UR FMAILY WILL REJECT U FOR SPOILING THE GOODS

Jessica simpson?

Take most of the single males you know perhaps they are sad,

But they will general find a hobby, pussy, or both.

When the barrier to entry of pussy gets to expensive, psychotic, difficult or all three.

They will resort mc guyver like tendencies to find ingenuity.

Take most females who are single.

They will use the same ingenuity to gain validation from friends and family

Which includes carrier achievement and marriage.

When the Barriers to entry become challenging they become crazy.

THAT FRIEND.

If you have been single over twenty eight you have have 100 percent taken a turn

Into crazy town. Driven straight through then taken a right into county love town.

It looks so much more intense when it’s your friend doing it

There rare two options for yourself and that friend,

A) you’ll make it by having a life and randomly crying to ColdPlay

B) you will spend all your time trying to find someone like a person who has lost

A puppy.

MISPLACED.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS

This is so insane.

DOWRY

This starts with our parents,

you chose in your family but I like to blame my mother.

But my dad is to blame to b/c his standards are just wanting me minimally taken care of he’d be like

do you have a car?

A job?

Ok here’s 10k

Remember she likes cheese.

Bye baby remember to turn the lights off.

MOTHER SHAME.

JENNER WORLD

Pretty soon moms will be fighting over how many likes their daughter gets.

(Play on how moms compete for girls getting career + marriage)

end on marriage

The moms who are exactly the same as Kris Jenner

And there’s a lot

Except

Kris is a narcissist who pairs her daughter up with dudes that aren’t great.

Or at the every least doesn’t encourage them to leave.

Lots of moms are like this- they loose their daughter and their daughters

“Wins” a happy marriage.

The only difference is these girls wear bikinis instead of a nice tailored slack.

But who is the influencer of the influencers?

Do the equation and you will always come up Oprah.

Just do it out. Oprah.

And she doesn’t even have instagram.

And who is her influencer? Maya angelou?

So strong black women. Mostly BBW.

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

Maybe there’s an age where repression just starts settling in

And people look at the people in their family

Who came before them

As precious moments statues.

Ummm just a quick refresh your moms

Vagina was once a beatiuous place holder for jizz.

And grandma probably took a load

And not just to the laundry

Why do you think she carries all those werthers?

Just our old friend science.

****

JESUS INVENTED BROS

FEMALE VERSION OF BROS

PRODIGY KIDS

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kendrixtermina · 7 years

Text

Typing Misadventures - IN edition

So, typing and the difficulties therein.

Aside from person-specific ad-hominems, some that have been elaborated upon in attempts to explain them on this very website.

Sensors: Bad Sensor descriptions written by NPs, combining with the fact that Sensors rely a lot on developing a practical experential “feel” for things. A bad, vague and overly abstract description that doesn’t relate to their life is gonna be not very useful. (especially for SFPs for whom what they relate to is srz bzness) - Interestingly I’ve seen a lot of Sensors saying that they easily indentify particular types once they have encountered them IRL. (Speculation: With intuitives it probably depends more on wether they have their definitrions straight.)

Ne-Doms: Type-hop and doubt their type alot because they know they always could be mistyped and possibilities are the primary facet of reality for them. The “creative” nature of the auxillary, and their auxillary being a function that generates and handles belief systems, means they can always reinterpret the evidence by redoing their reasoning or reassigning meaning, also the lack of Si leads to less constancy in their thinking, they change opinion easily, which is normally an asset, but not so much for self-typing as every input generates new ideas. (The auxillaries also have this but to a much lesser degree - b/c)

—

But today, I want to talk about INs (I know, boring - but those are what I know the most about since I am one.)

You may have seen me caveat my posts with “Unless I am actually an xNFP or something” as of late Yeah. It went about like this:

Troll: Haha you’re mistyped!

Me: Why?

Troll: because X.

Me: I have an alternate, more fitting explanation for X and a lot of things which my current typing explains betters especially when you get into the nuance of mbti theory.

Troll: (*hamfistedly applies overreductionistic function definition*) “Anyone who ever quotes a source ever is a Te user”. Just like anyone who ever mentions memory is a SJ amirite?

Troll: *shifts the topic to my person and then accuses me of talking about myself*

Me: *blocks troll largely to curttail own tendency to waste time & energy with internet arguments*

So at my best, I believe in not dismissing inconvenient PoVs and double-checking, and the main point of replying them was to leave an alternate opinion for future readers hence no point in continuing after that had been done.

At my worst damn inf Fe makes it hard to ignore input even if I don’t believe it’s justified (except when it fails to pick them up - as inferior functions are wont to be its either sluggish or AHH with little inbetween. ) and that lil 8 fix of mine doesn’t want to “stand down quietly”.

So I ask a few reasonable, knowledgeable, non-troll person, one of which said “Hm, could be, you anecdote alot which X type also does”

I believed this was better accounted for by simple ol’ Si and w4-self revealing tendencies, but, how could I know for sure? I never denied having a pronounced 4wing and fix, but I thought that sufficiently explaining their perceived discrepancies insofar as I found them consistent with reality and indeed all data collected so far. Too much would just be filed away as “inf Te” as a blanket term, the way any sign that [fan favorite character] is ST rather than INFJ is “inferior Se” though that supposed “inferior” is 80% of what she does and all moments claimed for F or N are the sort of situations where anyone would display emotion or philosophizing and what intuition they display is distinctly Ne instead.

Like the proverbial man who dreamt of being a frog I couldn’t cast the doubt from my mind and went over reinterpreting my thought patterns throughout the day. How do I know I’m NOT X type? After all my idea of and criteria for type are based on the definitions I extracted from various mbti sources when first familiarzing myself with the topic… how do I know I understood it correctly? How can ANY human correctly understand a definition if they have to deduce/reconstruct/guess what the other meant with their own flawed mind?

(At this point the non-INs in the audience might be rolling their eyes)

I still thought my type made the most sense but the person, through trolling in that particular instance, was not alltogether clueless and had some good insights, and also, some ppl agreed with them (theres that Fe again) - I was pretty sure I was in the holographic-panomramic thinking style but I could be wrong, thats a fairly rarely used concept which I simply started using cause I thought it made sense. ENFPs can mistake themselves for introverts. I have been mistaken for extrovert b/c of my lack of filter… but I was pretty sure I was a very pronouncedintrovert and had Fe, and so I went over it over and over again.

They said I didn’t comprehend _ i had some theory as to why they thought the way they did (not just bias against xNFPs but assuming all Ti is like aux Ti. After all, an introverted function as a dominant builds a framework and may be reluctant to accept or need time to withdraw when said framework clashes with reality to the point of needing a full revamping, purportedly resulting in a certain stubbornness particularly if it’s a Ji function. )

but what if I really Didn’t comprehend? Then all my reasoning would be worthless! I dont think I have the skills of an INFP, but what if i misunderstood those? Was a lot of what I’d attributed to Ti just Ne? i thought I had rather typical Ti speech patterns (it was hard to unsee, like my brain used a highly predictable parsing alghorithm to make thoughts into words) but they disagreed and pointed to what they thought was Fi.

I thought that despite all the differences introduced by shared preferences and there were differences between I and the Fi doms I knew. The 9 and the 6 were much more lowkey, non-confrontational than I and way more perceptive in line with how socionics describes Fi as the “Ethics of Relations” and how Nardi calls it an “Inner state of listening/reacting”; I mostly listen to the contents of someone’s words; I’d spot a liar by contradiction or unbeliavable statements, or by deducing what beliefs they are operating from. Feelers supposedly use primarily tone of voice... but I have sure noticed tone of voice a few times, and this is a qualia. I can’t compare what “Fi” or “Ti” feel like without making assumptions of which one I am using.

Supposedly

The 4! INFPs should be the most similar to me, on the other hand, they tend to have a certain...absoluteness in their beliefs and statements in a way I wouldn’t be comfortable with. I’m more hesitant, more relativizing, adding qualifiers etc so bI don’t say anything incorrect.

I don’t mean to bash the INFPs here, they are usually just processing their specific feels and do not mean to imply things about others. (Tumblr INFP: “I, an INFP, experience X.”. Tumblr xxFJ: “Are you saying that other types don’t????? You can’t say that! How self absorbed are you?” Immature Tert Fe User:*distantly feels the same urge toward ,moral condemnation as FJ,but couldn’t care less if INFP offends anyone - settles for calling them a snowflake instead. * TJs and Ti doms: *roll their eyes, half-assedly consider correcting whoever they disagree with but ultimately just keep scrolling*) Of course Team Fe sometimes has a point if the INFP in question is young and/or irresponsible.

Example:

One INFP 4w5: “I be those shallow fake bitches look down on you just because you don’t wear as much makeup. I don’t think anyone who wears makeup can be trusted, unless it’s like,halloween makeup or something like that, they’re just putting up fake faces to be popular.”

Me (let’s say, presumed INTP 5w4): “I dunno... Like I agree that those girls are shallow bitches,if they had spines, they wouldn’ perform arbitrary fake behavior just to be popular.* But not everyone is the same - maybe some people might just wear makeup because they like how it looks. The real problem is people being judged by arbitrary conventions on principle. What does is matter whether someone wears makeup or not? Its a made-up convention with no real reason. It’s none of anyone’s business.”

* for the record I have since realized that there’s nothing bad about wanting to be popular as long as yopu dont harm anyone, and that for some people its genuinely what they want. I was, like, 13. Common (w)4 pitfall I guess.

As you see both I and this middle school friend of mine are expressing 4-ish povs, but I used to think the difference in our reasoning highlighted some differences.

Granted this is more 5w4 vs 4w5 than necessarily Ti vs Fi, Could just be the 5′s general disconnect toward action and desire to “know more first”.

There are 5 INFPs. after all. Mostly sx 5s and as such differentiable from the relatively intense, dramatic sx 4 as long as you’re certain enough that they’re sx. Thinking about how to describe them. More second-guessing and ‘drifting’ than the 4 ones but like them in their analytical nature. A different kind of contemplative. Still reasons distinctlylike an INFP - See, One of them was religious, for example, and I’m pretty sure an INTP would have had more posts about why they were religious or not, though it’s one of the types most likely to be a non-believer, the religious ones tend to have a theological bent and talk about the perfection and incomprehensibility of god, how god is totally logical etc. (Thomas Acquinas is a famous example) - their faith will be an ordered self-consistent system. A bit like that example of copernikus assuming the orbits must be perfectly circular because natture as he understood it would tend toward the most “perfect” forms. I’m not religious and I could likewise talk about that at lenght.

Arguments that convinced me: “This is how these beliefs came from, not an actual god” and “If were made out of single celled organism who die all the time as shed skin cells, how would the rest of them dieing at once be different?” “Even if your religion is true that means many, if not all others are not. So at least all some must be myths. How is your “true” religion different from them?”

Arguments made by famous Te-Fi users: “Occams Razor.” “We can’t disprove a giant sucker on the back of Pluto either, but its no reason to suppose one.”“Belief in god hampers human development and creates dependent, slavish mentality”

That 5!INFP’s attitude toward their belief reminded me more of another Fi dom I know (albeit an ISFP). “Yeah, I know the common objections, but look, it’s what I believe. Don’t come into my house and be a jerk to me about it.” or “[Assholish behavior] is not actually in line with my religion. My religion, and this aspect of it, are actually about love/peace/duty/etc”

If, while conversing, you hit a hard disagreement, that is, an axiom that’s not up for debate, your Fi-dom friend may change the topic/agree to disagree/ “It’s just the way I feel”

[This could apply to other moral or ideological questions religion is just an example; This is not supposed to be about religion it’s just here to illustrate a perceived difference. . I’m not implying all INFPs have the same approach to religion or even have to be religious.]

Another conversation I remember having with them actually on the very subject of Fi vs Fe. IDK how we got to that topic but I mentioned something I initially thought was an enneagram thing (my memory is vague on the details) but I mentioned something like lowkey feeling guilty for receiving praise that I believe was undeserved.

She deemed it a Fe thing and said that for her, as a Fi dom/ fe opposing type, a bit of praise she did not agree with might not cause any reaction at all unless she thought they had a point or otherwise had a reaction from her end, like deciding the criticism was unfair - why should she feel guilty b/c of what someone else says?

Granted that’s just an anecdote, but what am I to do? INFP 5s are not super common. Also I’m not making this decisionbased on any single of these examples but... not even from the “preponderance” so much as to how they can be best explained.

And of course, if I really did get everything wrong after looking into the topic for years, what guarantee is there that I typed any of those people correctly? None, as one of the trolls/claimants correctly pointed out.

After all what I want is the truth, it doesn’t matter what it is. Or at least that is what I strive for as much as human frailty allows. so what if I’m an INFP? INFPs are awesome. I even considered the type early on, I just thougnt INTP fit better especially once I found out about inferior functions. And I have always held that a person has no obligation to follow their “talents”. If I don’t have a “talent” for reason (which isn’t the same as mbti thinking anyways) all the reasons why I believe that it is a good way of life to aim for would still stand. Reason is a method to correct for human error and bias, after all, the error and bias we all have, no matter what Ji function we use.

Type insofar as it can even be said to be a real thing is a classfication of emergent qualities, not a hard measure you can get in an instrument.

As much as I’d want to figure this out, there comes a point where you just have to like step back and put it in context. it’s just a personality test/ little tool to facilitate communication in which “maybe this or that” is more helpful than nothing.

Striving for it despite not being handed talent at birth is all the more worthwhile - and if reason was only for certain kinds of people what’s the point of it? Regardless of what tropes people associate with “science” or “logic”, what they actually are by definition are simple basic methods.

Last but not least there was a moment

Soo, existential crisis. At least they can’t doubt that I’m a melancholic or an oldham ideosyncraticXD

Then, my doubt crumbled away to the “ mostly sure, dont think it could be anything else but im not omnicient” levels at which it was before.

What happened? Well, a rare event:

Well, I went outside and talked to people.

I visited my folks, saw new places, got into a few unscripted situations in other words.

I’ve seen one post detailing that INs may mistype because they analyze themselves as a whole, feature in less apparent traits and second-guess their reasoning worrying about bias, noticing what sticks out more than the norm etc. and so on and that may be it in part but I don’t think it’s only this relatively “noble”, too-much-of-a-good-thing mistake.

- It’s a matter about how we are all about ~extrapolating~ from data and using multiple data points and less about decisiveness and practicality. We brood away endlessly trying to come up with interpretations and conceptualizations that makes all the data points fit rather than just going with what they themselves largely seem to suggest.

One good description I once heard is that Intuitives think in networks while Sensors think in puzzle pieces - I went overboard trying to build ever more complex networks instead of going “Yeah, with all the puzzle pieces so far it’s probably this.”.

Sometimes the latter approach can be incomplete and miss game changing interconnections - but just as often, the former gets convoluted and therefore, both uselessly vague and too far removed from the actual data its meant to interpret.

Aaaand, well, almost every sentence I said was “Did you know that...?” or “I think so/ don’t think so because of [observation followed by possible deduction].

Sure, I could be biased in my observation or unconsciously “doing it on purpose to appear a certain way” even if I don’t think I am or care about that, , but some critical mass of “doing it on purpose” would itself be equivalent with 5 (or a 3)

I was a little afraid one time; I reacted by withdrawing and looking at the whole thing as an observatrion and it was a highly temporary thing. And as much as I complain about Fe users playing police, I may have been guilty of one moment of overreacting, unwanted/socially-chiding “help” myself there. (The person perhaps justly called me a know-it-all. They were wrong about one thing but I may have handled it all more constructively) I repeatedly expressed vague undifferentiated preferrences that were closer to analyzing what factors were at work rather than having clear like/dislike reasons readily available. .

I critiqued a TV show (myself and the local INTJ annoying all the non-NTs with our loud, animated critiquing ) and a big factor to being unabvle to enjoy it fully was the lack of High-Concept abstract sci fi content and mostly the lack of consistency - normally a lot of my enjoyment would come from extrapolatinmg and deducing what the world is like and how it, the themes and charactzers “work”, but here I coulnd do that because it was tacked onto a ‘verse it did not fit into. I observed how said INTJ and I reacted to us correcting each other on small things with like a brief thanks or apology & just moving on whilst similar things had gotten annoyed snarks out of our otherwise patient Feeler sister...

The nails in the coffin were those 2 tumblr posts, one about differences in how Fi and low Fe argue (the latter pile including 3 phrases I used verbatim in the last discussion with my SO just hours earlier) and a post by the afore mentioned “resonable poster” about, as she called it “oversharing in soc variants vs soc blinds” though the correct amount of sharing might well be in the eye of the beholder.

But that was the one objection of the troll I didn’t have a non-vague satisfactory reply to, what rly kept me wondering rather than “eh not gonna reinvent the wheel again”, something about “sp/sx woldn’t have long descriptions or emo rants” Apparently they do when they never have to dea with the person again (such as on the internets. )

IDK I did move the description so no one’s forced to read it but lots of peeps have one (This is like... a blogging site??) but the reasons for its existence had more to do with “completionist urges related to then-current obsession (typology)” and “So I like X, bite me.” sort of sentiment than whatever it was they presuposed.

Dear Causal-Deterministic peeps (ENTP, INFP, ISTP, ESFP): Instances of the same behavior can be caused by different causes! Look at this: 2 4 8.

What’s the pattern? - Could be “powers of 4″. Could also be “even numbers” or even “any increasing integer”.

Of course this whole mess is an example of where we H-P folks (INTP, ENFP, ISFP, ESTP) look at everything from multiple angels/Povs, (”Is it like this? Is it lika that? It COULD be seen this other way...”) rather than, well, decide which ones are most relevant here/ “Pick one”. At least the SPs have Se to “just grab one” or whatever it is they do.

Whereas we just stand there speculating XD The ENFPs sorta do it too but in a whole different way/ area of life?

Me: “Either he is nuts or I am nuts because we can’t both be telling the truth!”

ENFP: “Well I empasize with both of you so I don’t think either of you is nuts?”

Me: Sorry but this is a real dichotomy here for once. If he dun nothing wrong, then I would be wrong for accusing him thus, just as he says..

ENFP: Can we all agree to disagree and chil maybe? plz??

Might also be why there`s this overlap between ENFPs and Universalists? Though obviously not all ENFPs are universalists and vice versa.

So yeah. Kinda comical in hindsight. I started out all second guess-ey and entertaining both possibilities in parallel but in the end, well, I do think it’s INTP after all, at least, I’d say its the most probable by a considerable margin. Most definitely 5 tho. For all the occasionall 4 ness its by far the most overwhelming tendency in day to day life/thinking ugh cant I NOT spew nerd facts about everything in sight. What are other conversaton topics?

Bottom Line: By thinking about your own thinking you alter your thinking, and that way lie 2nd order chaotic systems, the Uncertainty Principle and Goedel’s Theorem...

So going outside both threw me out of that recursion and added new, raw data as a means to test the competing hypotheses. It forced me to see what I actually act like by and large in a natural setting rather than the many ways I could interpret or read the way I act like, which like, is not actually all that mysterious lol

#mbti #intp

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litrapod · 7 years

Note

I love superheroes and I love to hear what people love, if you’re so inclined, please take the time to share your Top Three (3) Lists of a) Live Action Superhero Movies b) Live Action Superhero TV Series c) Animated Superhero Movies and d) Animated Superhero TV Series. Invite others to share by tagging or copy/pasting this into a friend’s ask and of course everyone should feel free to gush! (If you’re feeling extra kind tag your post “a superhero lover’s top three” so people know where to look.)

Okay you asked for it…

Needless to say, Here be spoilers.

Top 3 Live Action Movies:

Avengers (2012): First Group movies are hard. I’ve tried to write group stories and that’s hard enough when you don’t have to worry about fitting everything into 2 -2 ½ hours, And balancing out story arcs, and screen time. This movie may not be perfect, but it comes damn close. There was a whole lot of pressure on this movie, because everyone know they were building up to it, and while I would have loved to see more of certain characters *cough* Clint *cough*, It managed to set up basically the entire MCU world from then on. It may not have been a traditional origin story, but this is the movie that kicked everything off.

The Dark Knight (2008): Okay storytime. My first job was as a lifeguard, and we rotated around the pool in increments of about an hour and a half per circuit. In the break room there was a small Tv with an old VCR. We had exactly 2 movies, The Matrix and the old 1989 Batman movie with Jack Nicholson as the Joker. By the end of the summer everyone hated those two movies, myself included, because they were the only things we ever watched. I, myself managed to see the scene in Batman where the Joker defeces the museum over twenty times. To this day that it the only scene I can remember from that movie (and I can remember it in crystal clarity) because with a 15 minute break that’s all I got to see.

I bring this up because that’s what I had in my head as the joker for a long time, and I hated it. I hated the movie, I hated the character, I hated everything about it. There was the occasional flashback to Batman the animated series, but overall, yeah, hate.

Then this movie came out. The first one was good, but this one was going to have the joker, and I detested the Joker (honestly he’s a very good character to hate) and I was floored. Not only was a sequel just as good if not better than the original, but it took the Joker in a different direction. This was something I hadn’t seen before and while I still hated him, this is a portrayal that didn’t make me drown in it and ruin the movie.

Unbreakable: This movie, I don’t even have words for this movie. I know people go on about M. Night Shyamalan plot twists, but forget that for a moment.

Just look at the opening scene. A guy on a train, a little girl making faces. A woman sits down next to him and they start to talk. He takes off his wedding ring. It gets awkward, and things start to fall apart, then boom train crash.

The attention to detail, and character building are amazing. So many superhero movies just don’t bother. They’re too caught up in the CGI or in finding a way to revamp an old character. Don’t get me wrong I love origin stories, but there’s only so many ways you can play them. Instead of making everything bigger in scale in order to keep things interesting and challenging it keeps the focus on the internal and personal conflicts just as much as the external ones, so that they feed into each other.

This movie manages to give us a truly human superhero.

A common failing of superhero movies is that the character development seems forced or clunky because the focus is to get to the big ending fight scene. Not so here. The final big fight scene is important because of what it means to the characters, not because of someone’s powers or who/what they’re threatening. Which is why the ending twist actually really works.

I can’t even describe how much I love this movie.

Top 3 Live Action TV Series:

Daredevil: So I’m going to focus on season one here.

This series took risks and they paid off in spades. It focuses on the villains almost at the expense of the heroes, but because of that we know the full scope of what Matt is facing. This isn’t just “oh I stopped a mugging” it’s full on organized crime. For half the season Matt doesn’t even know who’s in charge, or that there even is one person in charge.

The cinematography is gorgeous. Pay attention to the colors. Everything is clearly chosen for a reason. By the end of the season I was getting nervous when Vanessa wore black. There have been a couple other movies that tried to play up the color thing, but most of them had crappy scripts. It this series, the stark color contrasts only amplify what is already a great show.

It eases you into the weird. This show is canonically in the same universe as the Avengers. Thor, Hulk, Aliens, they all exist, but it’s a distant presence to the average guy on the street. And this series shows that. When an honest to god Ninja showed up I was flabbergasted, because while I knew that they could be a thing in this universe, it still felt like something i’d never seen before. ( This is also a part of my disappointment about season 2 but I’m not going to get into that here. )

In a lot of ways this is actually a season long origin story. We got the time and breadth to fully explore how Matt became Daredevil. Training montages are fun and all, but this gave it depth.

I could go on. The catholic themes, the brutality that never seemed unnecessary or over the top.

This is a wonderful show that set an extremely high bar for the rest of the Netfix originals.

Heroes: I loved this show (before the writers strike ruined it) because there were so many good characters and none of them seemed to know what they were doing. The way everything slowly wove together in the first season was great. The recurring themes that were the paintings and the company.

This show had a lot of potential and it was clear the writers had a lot of ideas. Not many of those ideas actually made it to the screen in later seasons, but despite that, this was a fun show to watch every week and a fun show to binge watch when I need to lift my spirits.

Flash: I had a hard time picking among the CW Flash/Arrow/Legends/Supergirl set.

Supergirl was the show I wished I had as a young girl. Legends has just the right amount of over the top that I love.

Flash ended up winning because Flash is my favorite superhero.

Wally was the Flash I grew up with and when the show came out I kind of wanted to hate it because DC had written him out of existence ( in both the comics and Young Justice… Seriously DC what do you have against him? ) Barry, had featured in Arrow of course, which i Loved to Death, But that didn’t mean he’d be written well or be able to carry his own show… The core of Barry’s character in any universe is that he’s hopeful. He will see the best in people and bring it out in those around him. Despite him being incredibly awkward in the first season he had that. It worked.

And then in episode four they gave us Len and he was so well done I just melted. After that I was sold.

Top 3 Animated Superhero movies:

Justice League New Frontier: If you watch nothing else on this list, watch this one.

The interweaving storylines, the art style, the plot, everything about this movie is gold. I’m a long time DC fan and the number of subtle hints, and worldbuilding they do is amazing, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a movie new fans can enjoy. Because it’s a sort of coming together of the Justice League, you don’t need to know anything beyond who Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman are. All the lesser known characters are given their own small arcs so you know what they’re about.

Then on a deeper layer it’s a social commentary on the cold war, and the space race, and the fear of the unknown. I have watched this movie dozens of times. I own an autographed copy of the DVD. Every time I watch it I notice something new.

Batman: Under the Red Hood: The Red Hood storyline in the comics is a bit of a monster. You have to be a fan and know the history in order to understand all the implications. The movie has a bit of that, but in my opinion it does a good job filling in most of the gaps.

While the Joker is the main villain he’s more of a foil for Jason and to a lesser degree Bruce. (which is definitely a plus in my book, see above rant of hatred regarded the Joker)

It’s hard to pin down exactly what I love about this one. It’s strange to say, but if I had to pick one thing it’d be the pacing. There are individual lines that are amazing but it’s the culmination that makes this a great movie. There’s a balance to it. Lighter moments even though the plot is very dark. Action and quieter moments each given their place.

Planet Hulk: This one makes the list because I have a soft spot for the Hulk and this is the first comic storyline for the hulk that I ever read. The movie isn’t as complex as the comics of course and they have to wrap everything up in a bow rather then lead into the next comic story, but it’s a good depiction nevertheless.

Top 3 Animated Superhero TV Series:

I realize this is kind of a cop out, but they really are my favorites.

Batman the animated series: It set the standard for all other superhero shows for the next few decades. It invented Detective Montoya, Harley Quinn and several other minor characters. It gave several villains backstories that are still used today, Freeze being the one that comes to mind. It was the start of the whole DC animated universe ( Batman animated, Superman animated, Justice League, Justice League Unlimited, Static Shock, Batman Beyond and possibly a few more I’m forgetting )

If there’s a top ten list of superhero shows that doesn’t have the Batman animated Series, then it was probably disqualified for being too awesome.

Justice League Unlimited: Everything Batman was but with a bigger cast. Minor heroes got a place to shine. While still shown as being important to the larger plot, and oh those plots. The Legion of Doom, Doomsday, Brainiac. As much as the hero’s got to shine so did the villains.

Keep in mind a lot of these characters (on both sides) hadn’t been portrayed on screen before this, and for a lot of the lesser known ones the portrayal here is still what people who don’t read the comics think of first.

Batman Beyond: It was my first fandom, so yes, I’m biased. My first multi-chapter fic is still up on ff.net.

Batman is a huge character. He’s the bread and butter of the DCU, so much so that people don’t treat him like he’s human. This show not only admitted he was human, it started asking questions, and opened a whole new world of possibilities because of it.

The first scene still gets me every time, the gun, and shutting down the cave.

Add to that that this was not only in the same world but created by the same team that did the batman animated series and you get a wealth of history that other shows can only dream of. The costumes in the cases, the trophies, they’re all the same ones from the other show. When Terry finally meets the Justice League, Superman references thing that happened in the Justice League show. And you can’t get the end of Mr. Freeze’s character arc unless you watch Batman Beyond.

Not that it’s tied down. It has a history, but with a new Batman it’s a whole different ball game. And Terry is a different Batman. He’s not dark and brooding. He sasses back to his villains like Dick. He’s got street smarts like Jason. He’s got the drive like Bruce. He may still be figuring things out but it’s clear he’ll be just as impressive.

#a superhero lover’s top three

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raysdnd5e · 7 years

Text

Making Sense of Ability Scores

One of the things that often comes up in my games are questions or comments like “Well my character’s ability score is X so I should just be able to do/know/sense a, b, or c.” This is kind of intuitive and I get where my players are coming from, but what I don’t like about this line of thought is it subtracts from the randomness that adds a splash of reality to D&D. I don’t know about you but it seems like the most memorable moments from the campaigns I’ve run or played in over the years are due to sheer randomness. Whether it be from someone crit failing or succeeding, and the wacky or epic descriptions of how that happened.

So how exactly should we be interpreting ability scores, and more importantly should you make your players do more of them? I’ll preface this by saying that making too many ability checks is probably a bad thing. It could slow down the game and make things perhaps too random. Striking the right balance is something you’ll need to just practice as a DM. With some trial and error (and some note taking – you’re taking notes, right?) you’ll get to the right place.

Strength is probably the easiest score to tie to reality so it’s the one I’ll be starting with, and will likely have the most concrete examples. Let’s start by looking at some basic rules and interpretations and expand on them later. Having a strength score of 10 is considered average for a normal human in the D&D multiverse. This means your average guy hanging out in a tavern, threshing a field of wheat, or sitting behind a desk, on average has a strength of 10. Perhaps someone with a with a very sedentary lifestyle such as a priest or sage would have a strength of 8, and someone who does hard physical labor, say a blacksmith or a miner may have a strength as high as 12. I like to keep these ideas in mind for thinking about what my characters can and can’t do automatically – vs what they might want to roll for, or what they absolutely need to role for.

Now on page 176 in the PHB we get a break down of the strength score. It tells us that

· One can carry weight up to 15x your strength score

· One can push, drag, or lift, up to 30x your strength score – going up this reduces your move to 5ft a round.

· Size matters. Every size above medium these stats double, and at tiny they are halved.

These rules are very general and probably aren’t used very often, in the PHB when talking about carrying capacity it literally states “This is the weight (in pounds) that you can carry, which is high enough that most players don’t have to worry about it.” This makes sense to me from a development standpoint. 5e tends to be optimized for a high fantasy world, Faerun in particular. Most people running games like that probably aren’t worrying about this. The people who prefer to play in games like that also most likely dislike encumbrance rules. WOTC is not wrong with its thinking that most players HATE encumbrance rules, and that most DMs are too busy doing other things to police encumbrance bookkeeping. I plan on writing a post later, on my modified and simple encumbrance system, but that is for another day.

What doesn’t make sense to me is that this in some simple ways makes the strength score a bit irrelevant. If I have a strength score of 12 I can carry 180lbs around with me, at all times, with no problem. That’s kind of crazy. When I make a strength based attack score however I only get a +1 to hit/damage? That just seems wrong. Now I am not advocating for a revamp of the mods on ability scores. What I am suggesting is rethinking when to make players make ability checks, and putting some solid logic behind that to give your players some context. This all started for me with the following thought experiment.

Who do you think failed to pick up a heavy object more times in their life, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Woody Allen?

Think about that for a second. The answer might surprise you. I think it would be Arnold.

You get why right? Arnold literally tried to pick up something heavy every day. Woody, well I don’t know the guy but I’m guessing not. So why make your strength 18 Barbarian make a strength or athletics check to pick up a 200 pound statue? Should he be able to pick up 200 pounds? Yes of course. Everyone gets why the strength 8 Wizard needs to make a strength check to pick up the same statue, but the Barbarian? This goes back to the idea of Arnold vs. Woody. Woody has to make the check because well it seems improbable he could do it, Arnold has to make the check because he’s not used to picking up 200 pound statues. If the strength test was to bench press 200 pounds of weights – Yeah Arnold the barbarian could probably just do it with no check. But picking up a 200 pound stone statue is different, it’s probably awkward to move, the center of gravity may not be where he thinks it is and that makes him drop it. Maybe the statue is of a humanoid and Arnold picks it up by the arm, and it breaks off, again dropping the statue.

You see where I’m going with this right? Think about how this can be applied to the other ability scores. Let’s say our friend Woody is a wizard with an 18 intelligence. He finds a book in a language he doesn’t know. He goes to the library in a big city, finds a book on translating that language, and sits down to decipher what’s in the book. Should he be able to do this? Probably – but perhaps the book is written in code, or in a dialect of that language not covered in his translation manual. Maybe he can translate the basic words but it’s a book with lots of Jargon, a medical treatise or what have you. I think you get where I’m going with this.

Now apply this to the four other ability scores, think of some reasons why a skilled acrobat might fall off a ledge, or a charismatic negotiator fails to convince that stubborn noble etc. It’s actually pretty fun and as a bonus can engage people in some interesting RP opportunities. After a while your players may learn to think about doing things that will probably require ability checks a bit more tactically. They’ll come up with interesting and descriptive ways of doing something other than just - “ I try to lift rock, roll a 12, did I do it?” These more elaborate descriptions and ideas help to make the world we’re playing in more colorful and real. Getting your players to help build the world you’re running makes your job easier and makes your group feel like more of a team. It increases immersion exponentially, and when it happens enough you’ll notice the level of play increasing at your table.

So, should your players be making more ability checks? In my opinion – yes. But that’s just my opinion. I hope that at the very least you have found a way to think about or explain to your players, why they may have to roll to do something they are supposed to be very good at.

#dnd #dnd 5e #dungeons and dragons

0 notes

symbianosgames · 7 years

Link

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

TLDR.jpg (Also note: This gigantic lore-lump is just for choosing your character's sex.)

"Too long. Lose half." "Which half?" "The half that you don't need." - Their Finest

My whole career has been based on writing very story-heavy games, with lots of words. Our company, Spiderweb Software, is small. We can't afford fancy graphics, so we have to rely on words. Interesting, quality words.

We're currently remastering the series with our most loved story and our bestest words. We also finished a new series, which had a lot of words which I suspect weren't as good because it didn't sell as well. Now we're planning a whole new series, and we need to figure out how many and what sort of words to cram into that.

We have a lot of decisions to make, so I've been thinking a lot about words in games. I have made a number of observations.

For Reference

A decently sized novel contains about 100,000 words. The Bible contains about a million words.

My wordiest and most popular game, Avernum 3, which I am now remastering, had about 200,000 words. At its release, people talked about how very, very, many words it had. Yet, by current standards, it is very terse.

In comparison, one of the best-written RPGs in recent times, The Witcher 3, had about 450,000 words. For The Witcher 3, "best-written" means "One really good storyline and many, many other storylines that were basically OK." (To be fair, I think the Heart of Stone DLC was really well-written.)

The word bloat continues. While Divinity: Original Sin had a mere 350,000 words, Tyranny spent 600,000 words telling the story of how you became the word's most evil middle manager, on a bold quest to try to tell apart the game's 73 factions.

And this is positively tongue-tied next to Torment: Tides of Numenara's 1,200,000 words. I admit I am curious about what story is so gigantic and epic that it requires 3 times more words than The Lord of the Rings. I will never find out, as there is nothing that will tempt me to play a game with 1.2 Bibles worth of text.

This is me playing your RPG lol.

Vogel's Laws of Video Game Storytelling

1. Players will forgive your game for having a good story, as long as you allow them to ignore it.

2. When people say a video game has a "good story," what they mean is that it has a story.

3. The story of almost all video games is, "See that guy over there? That guy is bad. Kill that guy." This almost never leads to a good story.

For reference, this is how to get me to read the text in your RPG.

Observations About Words In Video Games

1. For a while, there was a big demand for games like Baldur's Gate and Planescape: Torment. That is, old-school icon-based RPGs with big stories, told in lots and lots of words. Early hits, like Divinity: Original Sin and Pillars of Eternity made a lot of money off this demand. Sales of later games in this style, like Tyranny and Torment: Tides of Numenara suggest that this pent up demand has largely been satisfied.

2. It's really easy to make words. Really, really, really easy. Any writer with half a grain of skill can spew out 500,000 like it is nothing. And if that writer's fingers get tired, an intern with aspirations of authorhood will chip in 100,000 more. And when that intern passes out, you can let your Kickstarter backers add words to your game and they’ll pay you for the privilege.

3. No, really, think about that last point. People will pay you to be able to write for your game! Adding words to your game has negative cost! Think about this the next time someone tries to use a giant word count to sell you a game.

4. The secret of great writing is not adding words. It's cutting them. You can almost always improve your writing by slashing chunks out of it and refining the rest. However, as game development is done with limited budgets and limited time, this editing process almost never takes place.

5. When a writer gets famous, they stop being edited. This is why the fifth Harry Potter book is 900 pages in which only like two things happen. This is also why, when a game in 2017 is written by a Big Name and has a script with one bajillion words, most of those words are going to be pretty boring.

6. There are well-written games. Fallout: New Vegas and Witcher 3 are solid. I remember Baldur's Gate II and Planescape: Torment were all right, but I played those 20 years ago, and there may be a lot of nostalgia in play there. (For me and almost everyone else.) Planescape was cool, but I definitely remember blasting past a lot of text just to get through it.

7. Sturgeon's Law is in play here: "90% of everything is crap." For every Planescape: Torment, where they had a cool setting and story idea and really put the time in to write good text and have it interface with the gameplay well, there have been nine other games where they just threw up a bunch of Tolkein-light Kill-that-Bad-Guy stuff and hoped it stuck. It didn't.

8. Having lots of lore in your game is OK. Some players really love lore. But then, a lot of players really don't. I think it's best if you try to keep your lore separated a bit from the significant game text, like Skyrim putting the stuff in books you could easily ignore. World of Warcraft quest windows did this perfectly. All of the lore was in one lump ("You mean dwarves like to dig mines? WOAH!"), and the actual text of the quest ("Kill 10 goblin toddlers.") was broken out of it so you could digest it quickly.

9. Humor is very hard to write well. It is also one of the most enjoyable things to read. If you can make your game genuinely funny, people will love it forever. (The actual gameplay of Psychonauts was only B-, but people LOVE that game because of how funny it is.)

10. The ultimate goal of writing in a game: Have it be good enough that getting past the gameplay to reach the writing is your goal. Your writing should be the REWARD. If your writing is something the player has to slog through to get to the game play, there is too much writing.

You have my UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

Physician, Heal Thyself

Every game I've ever written has had a lot of words. Some of those games, my fans really loved the words. Some of them, not so much.

My goal for my next series is to use fewer words, but to make them as light and interesting and funny as I can. I want words to be the reward, the thing that pulls people through the story. I am dreading this, because, again, writing something good and short is way more work than writing something dull and long.

In the meantime, I am remastering my old Avernum 3, with its pokey little 200,000 words. This means giving those words an editing pass. A lot of my time is spent chopping out extraneous words and revamping what is left to make it smoother, easier to read, and, whenever possible, funnier. If the new version has more words than the old version, I've done something wrong.

For a long time, I sold games with a lot of words. Now there is a lot more competition in that space, and words are super-cheap. I need to try to sell good words. Even if I never make a nice, dank meme, in this crowded market, you need to get every little advantage you can.

###

Jeff Vogel sells his wordy old-school RPGs at Spiderweb Software. He is brutally forced to be terse at Twitter.

#IFTTT #Blogger

0 notes

lullaandby · 4 years

Text

SECTION C.

JIZZ for Jesus 1 minute 15 seconds/ short.

My being single was a topic that has worried my 85 year old father.

a treasure chest of anxiety who had anointed himself my dating guru.

Every week he comes up with a new line of advice.

The first was that I should go to church and find a nice guy.

Ah ok, but Church is centered around redemption themed activities.

What am I going to do- tell someone

"hey. I ah just saw the way you placed your lips to that chalice- and it got something going down here

He thought about it some more and came back with-

["Hey Jo! You know what?"

That's the way my dad always speaks, in a tenor most people reserve for an extreme emergency, like a school evacuation.

"These guys are no good.

Nah. Not like how they used to be.

So you fuck 'em Jo. Take what you need and get outta there. Don't be a whore but just get what you need."

Okay dad. Very different types of advice but thank you.

So I figured out a way to combine the two bits of information. It's a little program I like to call Jizz For Jesus.

Just vats of cum in my face in the name of our lord and savior.

Just trying to be a good daughter. ]

Then he goes " HEY Jo"

That tone means he doesn't want my mom to hear.

What Dad.

"Are you a lesbian?"

No Dad.

"ok well I want you to know it's ok."

thanks.

"well.... do you know what they do?"

who?

"The LESBIANS!!! how do they do it"

Dad. We're done here.

ST HORROR

Catholic interior design is amazingly bold.

Where else would you be able to get away

With that focal point?

Imagine walking into the grocery store to get some ice cream

And you saw a statue of someone over the cereal aisle

life size

Just bleeding.

Then another one by the ice cream

Smiling while a gentle breeze rolls

Through his luscious locks

And sun illuminates down upon him.

And everyone else was like oh yeah.

That’s our good buddy Ralph.

He helped to make this place.

No worries just keep hoping for a good life and

Get all your groceries into a cart.

Or just rolling up to your first soccer game

And over the goal net

there’s a photo of your neighbor,

Mr. Gershon who served in Vietnam

And passed away last year.

Just bleeding profusely.

And everyone’s just like oh yeah.

He sacrificed for us.

No worries here’s an orange slice ad some high c fruit punch.

It’s just how you avoid hell.

Did you bring in money for team photo?

And how’s your fundraising going for the new jerseys.

FIREY PITS

The whole concept of hell gets so left behind.

It becomes this thought in the back of your mind,

To Avoid the fiery pit.

Really the church needs a revamp.

Instead of a fiery pit just start telling people

They will get zero likes on their posts

If they don’t comply.

Watch pews fill up.

GOOD TO KNOW the Bible

Dad the only person who invited in Jehovahs they multiplied.

The he…

Years later they still came to visit him so we had to do what I like to call reverse bible chats.

It always starts with a lead in question

“Do you know…” and they insert a bible verse.

It’s a trap like when your friend asks you if you know someone else-

Either they talked shit about you or you are going to hear shit talked about them.

But when it’s bible rhetoric it’s so easy to just listen

And hit them with

Dueternonmy

Corninthians and just put in random numbers.

Then conclude with your own opinion.

And they walk away.

OFFERING OTHER SALVATION

Just so odd

What other types of salvation?

Some like weird cheese

Do it out

BIBLICAL HERO

Take a quiz to see what type of biblical hero you are

Moses

Mary Magdalene cuz she’s a hoe

How did they have hoes in the Bible?

I’d like to see a Moses parting the seas of peers who are holding back orgasms

And older ladies shaming for wearing too short skirts and saying well you asked for it,nder their breath

And he just bellows out

“Let my whores go”

Then they walk to a land where

they create amazing porn for ladies and general

healthcare that covers all forms of birthcontrol

PORHN HUB THE WORLD

More than the bible, The answer is porn

if there were as many categories on porn hub

As there were ideas for world peace and conservation

We’d be all set.

LADIES NIGHT

We need more categories for porn by ladies.

Just liven it up make it more representative.

Less filthy next door neighbor taking big dicks

Reading a book and getting your nips tweaked

Getting your ass eaten while watching cute animals lick their faces

Finishing a craft while on top - look how cute his eyes are, and then you just go to outer space

Eating lasagna while anything

LADIES ARE MORE DANGEROUS

More outlets for female intelignece and for ladies to cum.

That combo creates a burtito cloud of peace with melted cheese around the female psyche.

This is essential.

Ask any dude who is pissed off a crazy eyes girl.

Who was just one two many break ups deep.

There are absoultely crazy guys

But they more start a ned narrative that didn’t happen

Or if something was wrong they just avoid and deny.

Pretty Much All Ladies will say-

Ok let me find your birth record,

Then trail onto you best friend from preschool

Take a flight to New Orleans- get a witch

Dig up a dead body and procure the two pinky fingers as payment

Rally up anyone else who hates you

Put their soul in a doll, send it to your house

Then around 10pm give you 3 hearts on insta to hide the evidence.

That’s day one.

STORY- ME

( How sexual repression makes you into a vengeful person)

FOR REAL REVENGE.

Girls who are all about the revenge you generally can find zero social media presence on them

And they like to do control based things

The girl in your office

Keep talking about going to sweet greens

Or paint night

They are the mid level managers of the world who Marshall over every event and

When you go out to dinner make sure that everyone is paying the exact amount

THE REAL REGINA GEORGRE

I have no idea why people are obsessed with teenager Regina Georges

Because the real assholes are

repressed, undersexed mothers with body image issues

Who feel as if their children have stolen their lives

BECUASE FAIR IS FAIR.

They begin to not even see it as revenge.

It’s just fairness.

Because they have been taught to be nice and they are seething.

COME A LONG WAY

We’ve come a long way sexuality from

Your aunt who has the solid Ronald mc Donald hair cut and a long short chino

With a polo shirt

[50k categories and several articles]

MONGOOSE.

VALIDATION STATION.

Repression in females comes from mis placed validation

The validation that seems promised from being nice and doing the right thing.

AND JEALOUSLY

AND WORRIED UR FMAILY WILL REJECT U FOR SPOILING THE GOODS

Jessica simpson?

Take most of the single males you know perhaps they are sad,

But they will general find a hobby, pussy, or both.

When the barrier to entry of pussy gets to expensive, psychotic, difficult or all three.

They will resort mc guyver like tendencies to find ingenuity.

Take most females who are single.

They will use the same ingenuity to gain validation from friends and family

Which includes carrier achievement and marriage.

When the Barriers to entry become challenging they become crazy.

THAT FRIEND.

If you have been single over twenty eight you have have 100 percent taken a turn

Into crazy town. Driven straight through then taken a right into county love town.

It looks so much more intense when it’s your friend doing it

There rare two options for yourself and that friend,

A) you’ll make it by having a life and randomly crying to ColdPlay

B) you will spend all your time trying to find someone like a person who has lost

A puppy.

MISPLACED.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS

This is so insane.

DOWRY

This starts with our parents,

you chose in your family but I like to blame my mother.

But my dad is to blame to b/c his standards are just wanting me minimally taken care of he’d be like

do you have a car?

A job?

Ok here’s 10k

Remember she likes cheese.

Bye baby remember to turn the lights off.

MOTHER SHAME.

JENNER WORLD

Pretty soon moms will be fighting over how many likes their daughter gets.

(Play on how moms compete for girls getting career + marriage)

end on marriage

The moms who are exactly the same as Kris Jenner

And there’s a lot

Except

Kris is a narcissist who pairs her daughter up with dudes that aren’t great.

Or at the every least doesn’t encourage them to leave.

Lots of moms are like this- they loose their daughter and their daughters

“Wins” a happy marriage.

The only difference is these girls wear bikinis instead of a nice tailored slack.

But who is the influencer of the influencers?

Do the equation and you will always come up Oprah.

Just do it out. Oprah.

And she doesn’t even have instagram.

And who is her influencer? Maya angelou?

So strong black women. Mostly BBW.

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

Maybe there’s an age where repression just starts settling in

And people look at the people in their family

Who came before them

As precious moments statues.

Ummm just a quick refresh your moms

Vagina was once a beatiuous place holder for jizz.

And grandma probably took a load

And not just to the laundry

Why do you think she carries all those werthers?

Just our old friend science.

****

JESUS INVENTED BROS

FEMALE VERSION OF BROS

PRODIGY KIDS

*****

SECTION D.

KNOW YOUR READY FOR KIDS

You know your ready for kids because

Before when you didn’t get your period and you weren’t having sex

All you would do is just be like wishing your uterus fondnesses

Thinking that she finally quit,

Because you can’t blame her all you see around you is nonsense

Hopefully she is living out her dreams in tiajuanna on a donkey

Wearing a sombrero and partying with a small person,

Who she has to set boundaries with because she’d very into

Group sex and that’s not her jam

GROUP SEX

Steph and group sex

Have you ever had a friend who is either being very sexually curious

Or has a really specific thing that they want to try and they’d like

You to come with them so they just start injecting it into conversations?

FIND SOMEONE

You can’t seem to find anyone yet every single member of the Duggar family is married.

That’s a lot of kids and you still can’t get a date to last past month three.

BJs WHOLESALE

FIND U A MAN

There’s a lot of dating advice out there for ladies but the best is-

Find u a man who looks at you

And takes care of you like he does his own penis.

You’ll have

infinite protection

Generous massages

Fresh assortment of culture- movies and photos

Literature in the form of light reading

Long trips

Shelter

If you have sad emotions he’ll do anything to take care of you

And

Poetry.

POETRY

Found a website called Hogtied, part of a collection of websites called kink. All the women were tied up. Hot. They also all had clips on their nipples. Sure. The dudes fucking them had locks on their balls.

I'm young, I just assumed that's how adults fucked. So I found some bigass locks for a locker, locked my balls, and started rubbing. It was uncomfortable, but if that's how adults fuck, then I guess I'd better get used to it.

I'll never forget when I finally came. I felt warm inside, like my soul was being cradled by light, all emanating from my dick.

I'm just glad my roommates didn't happen to come downstairs and see me putting mustard on my dick illuminated by the gentle glow of the open fridge”

PEZ "Sat at the edge of my bed and catapulted starburst off my rock hard dick into the bobbing maw of a lovely lady I had harbored a crush for for many years. We are still in romance."

"I'm a grower not a shower so I like to take my scrotum and encase my penis with it. Then when I get an erection, it's like an emerging butterfly."

DIFFERNCE BETWEEN MALES AND FEMALES.

WHY WE KILL THEM

Let him live.

Riffs on how ladies don’t listen

Like a dog in a cone

We are always trying to do most likely way too much

WHY THEY KILL US

He is constantly on a voyage to my boobie.

If I look inside his head it often times it will be like this:

Entry log number 654. I’m approaching the boob.

How men don’t listen

How they are so sensitive and we are so so mean

My husband is one of the most sensitive people I know

He bruises like a soft Carolina peach

OK he’s only that way with me b/c he loves me and same with me to him.

So why would I put it in that context?

How about

My husband is so sensitive he has a thick cock?

PHD. /// BOB

MEN ARE A LOT MORE SENSITIVE

Men ae more sensitive but if their values don’t align with yours

FORGET IT.

But we are the same we just keep seeking the validation from them that we don’t give ourselves.

MARRIAGE VS DATING

You stick around for varying reasons

You can’t talk shit behind your husbands back

Not only is it rude

It’s ineffective

Gotta do it right to their face but they are so sensitive

So like to give him the same petty sick burns I give to a female

He doesn’t quite get it which is amazing

When he tries to do it back he does it with sports or movies

And I’m like yeah but I still pulled in money

You my friend are giving questionable hand jobs in the back seat of a car

DAVIDS BIRDAL

BEST PART OF BEING SINGLE

Jelly bean jar/ hyptoenuse

You’ll never figure it out because couples lie

S- CAVEAT EMPTOR//Economy Model Husband

Black Lab

Story- TUNA MELT//BRIDGET JONES

Just don’t care

*****

SECTION F

OVERSHARE****

METH NANNY pt2. 20 seconds

My go to overshare detail

Is that I’m a nanny and graduated from college

Some people quickly catipult into concerned pity.

They'll go-

"ohhhhhh nooooo. what happened? {really dramtic sad face}

did you take a slipsy- slidey into the meth-em-phetamines?

it that what you did?

well you have all your teeth, so, it looks like you're on the upside of things"

TRYING 20

I want life advice from a person whose stumbling onto their own personal truth-

The guy in the office who does barely any work,

yet has taken it upon himself to give all the ladies in the office massages-

He's found own glory in caressing Edna's sciatica.

BUSINESS VENTURES.

Sending off used panties, Netflix dvds

ROCK BOTTOM

Some jobs feel like your own personal rock bottom.

In reality you're in an office watching an excel presentation

But in your soul you’re standing in the middle of Target holding a bag of sun chips and trying to move slowly because you just had an accident in your pants.

ASS THAT WONT QUIT 15

Some people have told me that I have an ass that won't quit,

which is strange.

I've never stayed in a job past a year.

So Historically I'm a quitter and I'm pretty sure my ass follows suit.

Stories- work

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SECTION F.

CANT HANG

FRIENDS (material. )

AFFIRMATIONS

The biggest cautionary tape is When a friends occasional affirmational FB posts turn into daily ones.

I called up one of my best friends after seeing her posts and asked if her marriage- which had been rocky for several years had finally ended.

How did you know? She said.

If I had strung a week’s worth of her posts together there'd be fantastic copy for a new anti- depressant commercial.

FRIEND BREAK UPS

TRUE FEMINISM

QUESTIONABLE INTENSITY

Friends who are Fathers can be slightly overprotective of their daughters,

And mothers can have a questionable level of intensity with their sons.

My friend pointed at her son as he was playing with Legos and said, "oh my God.

Isn't he soooo hot?"

I had to remind her, " ah at one point he relied on you for sustinance-

and that’s Nasty Caroline.

And she said, " I know. I know-

{caramel voice} But oooooh gurl if he didn't, Hey baby . I see you. Keep building that tower."

We then had a conversation on what voice intonations are available to nice white ladies from the suburbs-

That’s not one of them.

Not for you girlfriend.

Ditto to any snapping motions.

Twerking on a case by case basis.

SECTION G

MOCHA

OUTRAGE. 25 seconds

When a white Person stands up for issues facing people of color with such force-

It feels incredible.

Wow Luke. You really care. Super woke. Good job.

Then you see that same person display the equivalent level of outrage-

for an empty ketchup bottle.

And you realize just they're working out a wide array of anger management issues.

Not really. on. my team.

CRAFTS

Thank you. To the white people who actually do something.

Any show of support is great but I do have some questions.

To the people who went into their craft bins and got pins, to affix to their shirts and show solidarity.

ah- but you had a whole craft bin.

I’m not saying anything fancy but a little flare would have been appreciated.

A hat with a pom pom?

Story- affirmative action

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SECTION H.

DIC PIC. 20 seconds

I've been working with kids for about 15 years, that means parents periodically send me unsolicited snapshots of their little cuties.

Which- is the same as a dick pic.

That little head pops up on the screen, {hand movement} and all life choices need to be reevaluated

DIC AS CURRENCY. 20 seconds

I heard a person say “that’s going to cost you a dick pic”

Hmm. Have things gotten so real with bitcoin we’re now using Dick pics as currency.

Starbucks girl:Venti iced coffee. Ok that will be two chodes and a a gagger

Me: ok, here you go.

Starcucks girl: Oh okokok. Sorry um that’s only one chode.

Me: Oh I’m sorry. I was trying to be generous.

Never gotten a dic pic :(

I have never gotten a dick pic.

Perhaps it’s because my personality is it’s own restraining order.

I used to be sad about that in my twenties.

The same way I was sad about having small breasts,

I mean let’s be mature and call them tiddies-

In my twenties.

But then you wake up at thirty two, the sun shining in your apartment and you go out for a ice cream sandwich without a bra and watch a couple looking miserable

And it all makes sense

DATING

Dating-stories

Cemetery guy//soap

Divorced guy with ring

BALTIMORE BUTTS. 50 seconds

Ladies have a tendency to set the expectations of themselves incredibly high.

Take body maintenance.

My friend gets electrolysis everywhere,

including. her butthole.

Which is not only fiscally rediculous-

It's a welcome statement.

NOPE. mmmmhmm not here.

I need my butthole to be COMPLETELY terrifying.

You're driving down a really pleasant residential street and you see that one house that gives you the chills and you have roll up the windows.

That's the aesthetic I desire.

A creaky step. Some chipped paint. Screams from the inside. Ace.

It's tricky though because of the close proximiity to my punash, which needs to be incredibly welcoming.

It's doable.

Have you ever been to Baltimore or Philly?

***tag

So, possible. Just give specific coordinates.

BB tag. Dinner party.

***

2. CAHTZ (differences between men and women)

3. Girls are always covering for cat’s poor behavior past or present

5. “Yeah well what did you do to the cat?”

7. Boys are always selling

8. At least one sports team’s merits even if they don’t like sports.

SUPERIOR SEX.

There is no superior sex

If men were the superior sex

They would tell ladies that if you swallowedjizz

You’d loose 10lbs

If women were the superior sex

They’d bottle up all the hope in a mans eyes

When you talk about blow jobs

And just place it in a jar.

Just unleash it like fairy dust

Or whatever they use to make Disney world so magical.

SECTION I

2. ARTISTIC INTEGRITY.

3. Brother is a nerd

5. NERDS

7. Valuing yourself for your intellect is no different than valuing yourself for your looks

10. Put you down for not knowing things

11. Ask about things they know you don’t know

12. Have side conversations with other people who know things and laugh at a person not knowing

13. Act like your like you’re stupid b/c they had certain training without talking to you

14.

15.

16. They don’t value.

17. Having athletic ability

18. Knowing about pop culture

19. Being able to socialize

20. Being able to build things in a blue collar way

21. Having a work ethic that doesn’t require “difficult” mental tasks

22. Being kind to people who don’t have influence

23.

24.

25. Things they do.

26. Being lauded for smart achievements

27. Knowing things in their field

28. Knowing niche culture things

29. Not caring if they are cool (but caring)

30.

31.

32. Things they get pissed off on.

33. If you don’t validate their knowledge

34. Making fun in anyway way

35.

36.

37. The kardashians of education.

38. Look at all this intelligence just look at it.

39.

40.

41. Reformed

42. Married a wife who dragged him away from his home base of friends

43.

44. Double down

45. Always ready to quiz you on arbitrary topics

46. Like doughnuts

47.

48. Dabbling

49. Until you hit a point of their area of expertise

50.

51. Professor

52. Debates and bows out when they loose

(The only thing we have in common is our insane parents. He doesn’t like religion I love it)

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