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diaphragmjellyfish · 3 years

Text

You Just Wait

gif is from @twilightofficial

A/N: The hardest part of writing a fic is honestly choosing the love interest XD I have so many fictional boyfriends it’s hard to choose just one. I have noticed a significant lack of Jared Cameron content and he’s super adorable so here it is! Also, I left the concept a little bit more vague so more people can relate to it. It doesn’t specifically say vaginismus, it’s more of a general “sex doesn’t normally go well for me” type thing.

Bottomless, covered in chocolate sauce, walking through the woods, phone dead, in the middle of August on a weekday. How did you end up here? Jared Cameron. Your boyfriend. He had roped you in to an elaborate prank on Paul that hadn’t exactly gone as planned. Needless to say, you were desperate for a shower and a nap. A hot meal wouldn’t hurt. And you were beyond irritated, not even looking Jared’s way as he walked next to you in a similar state.

“Babe, if you let me carry you, we’ll get home way faster,” he whined.

You didn’t respond, only walking with more frustration around the roots and fallen trees. It was growing dark, just about twilight, and you knew you wouldn’t be reaching either of your houses at this rate. You were miles into the forest. But your pride kept you from accepting Jared’s wolfy-back ride, because he tended to make lots of jokes about being between your legs and you riding him and blah blah blah, and you honestly might punch him right now if he did that.

So you just kept ignoring him, arms folded tightly against your chest because, yes, it was August, but this was also the Washington coast. It got pretty chilly no matter what time of year it was.

“I can see you shivering from here,” he pleaded, almost sounding in pain at the thought of you being uncomfortable. “It’s only gonna get colder. Let me help you.”

You ignored him.

“C’mooonnnnnn,” he cried. His preferred way of cracking your silence was usually by annoying you out of it, and it was working. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’m-”

“Jared, I swear to God!”

“Aha! She speaks!” he laughed.

“”Only to tell you to be quiet, or I’ll-”

“Or you’ll what?” he cut you off. “I’m way stronger than you!” He was teasing you into talking to him. Even if it was in the form of arguing. Damn, he always got you to crack. You stopped walking, turning to face him, arms still held tightly around yourself. You couldn’t resist a good bicker, and Jared knew that. He would get the sass to come out, and then once you got tired, he’d apologize and you’d be made up within half an hour. That’s what always happened. And you couldn’t exactly stay mad at those big brown puppy eyes for long.

“Physically, maybe,” you chided, “but I’m definitely way smarter than you.”

He stepped closer to you, a playful smirk on his face. “What, are you gonna read me to death or something?”

“I’m gonna strategize a huge plan, manipulate you, and leave you here in the forest by yourself. That’s what I’m gonna do,” you sassed. He never took arguments to heart, which is one thing you loved about him. He knew how grumpy you could get and would let you vent, and then make you forget all about the problem.

“Oh, okay, yeah sure,” he giggled, hands going up in defense. “I’m just saying that in this situation, there is no way you come out on top. You run, I catch you. You hide, I sniff you out,” he teased. This made you crack an almost imperceptible smile, but one he noticed nonetheless. “And if you did somehow manage to get away from me, you’d freeze to death in an hour flat.” The cold breeze that caused you to shiver more violently could not have had worse timing. Obviously, Jared noticed, and his face dropped. He approached you slowly, silently asking if you were still mad enough to not let him touch you. When you didn’t step back or stop him, he wrapped both his arms around you and brought you into a huge bear hug. You sighed at his warmth, wrapping your arms tightly around his torso. He’d given you his hoodie hours ago, and was left in only a pair of shorts, though he didn’t seem to notice. Damn him and his werewolf heat.

You still shivered in his arms, but his feverish temperature was a relief to your aching bones.

“See? Could’ve been warm hours ago,” he teased once again, noting your clinginess.

“Shut up. I’m still mad,” you mumbled into his neck. He laughed softly to himself, rubbing his hands up and down your body to create more heat. After a few minutes, you were starting to struggle to keep your eyes open. It had to be close to 2 in the morning, and you’d been walking for what felt like hours. Jared could have easily run home and let you brood alone, but he stuck with you no matter how long you went without speaking to him.

“Sleepy?” he murmured into your hair. You just nodded softly, and didn’t protest as he bent down, one hand going behind your knees and the other staying around your back. He picked you up with ease and started walking through the woods once more with an “Okay Princess, I got you.” His stride never faltered, easily avoiding tripping over roots or slipping on rain-soaked moss. He must have been walking for about 30 minutes, never so much as breathing hard or shifting you in his grip. You didn’t sleep, but welcomed the rest he allowed you. Your eyes were closed, head resting on his shoulder when you felt him stop. You looked up, and in the distance, maybe 50 yards away, you saw a small building.

“Hunter’s cabin, I’m guessing. No one’s home,” Jared stated, anticipating your questions.

“Think there’ll be blankets?” you wondered, tired, yet still playful.

“What, am I not enough for you?” he feigned mock hurt as you giggled at his unshakeable good attitude. Without another word, he began walking towards the small cabin, which was about the size of an average bedroom. When you reached the door, he set you down gently, holding his hands close to your waist while you found your footing, and then wrapping an arm over your shoulders to keep you warm.

“I’m assuming it’s locked,” you sighed, disappointed.

“Babe, no door is locked when you have super strength. Honestly, I thought you’d have more faith in me by now,” he smiled brightly.

“You can’t just go around kicking random people’s doors in!” you scolded.

“Okay, first of all, I can tell by the smell that no one’s been here in years. Second of all, how would anyone know it was us that broke in and not, like, a deer? And third of all, I’d say this counts as an emergency,” he sassed right back at you. You looked at him in annoyance, too tired and cold to actually care.

After a long sigh, you muttered “fine.”

He immediately turned to the door, not letting you so much as inhale before he slammed his foot into the space next to the knob, the door all but flying off its hinges. The whole scene caused deafening noise that interrupted the silence of the trees.

“Jesus!” you called out in surprise, a hand shooting up to your pounding heart. You look around, though knowing no one was around for miles. Jared only turned to look at you, a cheeky smile adorning his face, and said,

“See? Told ya.”

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help the loving and admiring energy that overcame you. Jared really was one in a million, and you were lucky to be by his side. He could be in the worst situation in the world and still find something to laugh about.

He motioned for you to go in first, ever the gentleman. Walking through the door, the first thing you noticed was the dust. The entire inside of the cabin was covered in a thick layer of it. There was a small, rickety couch with cushions so worn they had holes in them throughout. And the fabric… my God. It looked like something from the 60’s, an obnoxious floral that had faded over time, and now just looked flat out stained. There was a flimsy throw blanket over the back of the couch, a cooler in the corner of the room that was covered in dirt, and on the opposite wall, a fireplace! No wood, no matches, but it was there. The floor was scattered with bullet shells, receipts, and decayed leaves. It was obvious no one had been in here for at least 3 or 4 years.

“Okay, I can work with this,” Jared said. You really were jealous of his optimism. But, as disgusting as this place was, it beat the frigid breeze of outside, and had a place where you could rest your heads. You walked over to the couch, grabbing the blanket and beating the dust off of it. It was really only meant for one person, but you guys were okay with getting close. It would do.

Jared walked over to the opposite corner where the cooler sat by the fireplace and opened the lid, peeking inside.

“Just water,” he said, sounding almost disappointed.

“Were you really gonna eat whatever was in there?” you spoke incredulously.

“Babe, I’m starving. You have no idea how close I am to licking that chocolate sauce off of you,” he voiced. You had almost forgotten about the sticky sauce that covered both of your clothes. That prank really was a disaster. You looked down, face heating at the thought of Jared’s mouth on you like that, and turned to the fireplace where he stood. He was looking on the mantle, oblivious to the effect his comment had on you, and exclaimed “Aha!” before reaching up to grab something. “A lighter. We’re saved! Well, you are,” he laughed looking over at your shivering form once more. “Stay here and get comfy. I’m gonna go get some wood.”

You tried your best, sitting on the edge of the couch and immediately feeling a spring poking you in the butt. The couch really was tiny. You guys were gonna have to bundle up close to fit. The thought excited you. Sure, you and Jared had always been comfortable touching and holding each other, but there were certain areas of your relationship you had yet to explore. More… intimate areas. It was your fault mostly. To make a long story short, you’ve just never enjoyed sex. You found yourself not able to get aroused, which made things painful. Sure, you wanted to. You’d thought about it a ton. But in the moment, your head was so full of thoughts of ‘What if he thinks I’m ugly? What if I smell? Am I doing this right? Is he having a good time? Am I taking too long?’ that you just stopped trying. And obviously you wanted to have sex with Jared, but you were worried he’d be disappointed. By the time he got back, just a few minutes later, you had brought your knees up to your chest, holding your legs close in an effort to preserve warmth.

“Doing okay Sweetheart?” he asked gently. You gave a small smile and nodded in response. He plopped the logs in his arms down into the fireplace, scavenging the floor for receipts, dried leaves, anything that would catch fire. He dumped these into the fireplace and lit them, the fire catching within seconds. He walked over to the other side of the room where the couch was before bending down, grabbing the bottom lip of it, and pulling it (and you) across the floor, one-handed, and closer to the fire. “Better?” You had always been in awe of his strength. Let’s be honest, it was just plain sexy. Again, you just nodded your head, staring at him in adoration.

He sat beside you on the couch, throwing an arm over your shoulders again, and leaning back, taking you with him. You cuddled into his side, watching the fire.

“Ya know, if you take away the shitty couch and sticky clothes and add a few more blankets, this would actually be pretty nice,” he finally spoke.

You laughed softly, replying, “It would. The couch isn’t even awful, but these clothes are really ruining the mood for me.”

“Well why don’t you get out of ‘em, hot stuff?” he joked. You knew he wasn’t serious because you guys haven’t gotten that far yet, but something, maybe the exhaustion or the way he kept challenging you today, made you want to actually do it. Before you could lose your nerve, you reached down, pulling off the hoodie and shirt in one go and tossing them onto the floor. You relaxed back into his arms in just a bra, acting like nothing had happened. He was frozen beside you. Maybe it was mean, but you wanted to tease him a little. He’d put you through a lot today, so you wanted to mess with him a tiny bit. So, coolly, you brought a hand onto his thigh and began running it up and down, going higher and higher with each pass. He was still frozen, so you gave a light squeeze, and heard him inhale sharply, though he tried to hide it.

“I thought you were tired,” he commented.

“Guess I’m not anymore,” you responded, turning to face him boldly. He immediately leaned in to kiss you, softly as always. You reciprocated, bringing your other hand up to cup his face. His arm that was around your shoulders slipped down around your waist, pulling you in further. Jared had always been gentle when kissing you, so you knew you’d have to make the first move to deepen it. Which is exactly what you did. Running your hand up his head and grabbing his hair, you pulled him towards you even more and traced your tongue across his bottom lip. He responded by matching your energy, tongue slipping out to caress yours before bringing your bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling softly. You guys had never kissed like this before. You felt a bead of warmth pool in your abdomen, something you’d never felt with a guy before. Sure, you’d been turned on while watching certain videos or reading certain fanfiction by yourself, but you’d never actually experienced it with someone before. It was exciting. Maybe it was the knowledge that you could stop things at any time and he wouldn’t be upset, or maybe it was how in love with you he really was, but you didn’t feel nervous or worried. You felt comfortable.

Taking things a step further, you swung your leg over both of his, moving to straddle his lap.

He pulled away slightly at this, making you ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he responded, “I just don’t wanna make you do anything you don’t wanna do.”

You smiled, “I’m not doing anything I don’t wanna do. Are you?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question right now?” He laughed, making you giggle along.

You leaned back in for another kiss, when he stopped you again. “What exactly… are we doing, though?” You knew what he was silently asking. Are we about to go all the way? And you didn’t know yet. This had started out as playful teasing, but now you were beginning to think that maybe you did want to try something. With Jared. He was it for you, the one you wanted to spend forever with. If you couldn’t trust him, you couldn’t trust anyone. And he’d taken such good care of you these last few hours, keeping you warm, making sure you were storming off in the right direction, that you knew he’d appreciate you in a more intimate sense.

“I- I kind of would like to try… some stuff,” you answered.

He looked at you, eyes wide, before answering, “What kind of stuff? I mean, I will do literally anything you ask me to do and you know that, but I didn’t really prepare for this. Like, I don’t… have what we need.” Oh, a condom. What a responsible boy.

“I’m on the pill,” you replied a little too quickly before looking down and fiddling with your hands. “If you want to.”

“Y/N, I would be absolutely fucking honored,” he breathed, before cupping your face and pulling you into the most heated kiss yet. Your tongues danced, hands wandering. Yours, across his muscled chest and abdomen, and his, down your waist and around to cup your pantsless ass, squeezing firmly. It felt nice. He handled you in a way that was gentle and painless, but still dominant and firm. And it made the heat in your belly grow. You continued kissing for several minutes, your hands moving up his neck and eventually landing in his hair once more, and his remaining on your ass and waist. You softly sucked at his lower lip, nibbling slightly, and it made him let out a low growl and pull your hips forward onto his, where you felt something hard push against you. You knew what it was, and it didn’t scare you like it normally would. You did, however, feel your damp underwear. Shit, that’s never happened before. You were normally bone dry at this point. You let out a soft sigh, grinding your hips onto him once more.

He softened his kisses slightly, bringing a hand around to your stomach and running his knuckles lightly across your lower abdomen.

“Can I?” He questioned delicately.

“Yes,” you replied almost immediately. He brought his hand under the waistband of your underwear, when you said, “Wait,” and he stopped. “Just one thing. I kind of… have never been able to do this without it hurting a lot, so maybe you could just try to be gentle?”

“Oh, baby, you’ve been in pain before? I’m so sorry,” he whispered genuinely.

“It’s okay, I just…” It was now or never. He should know. “Normally I’m super nervous about everything, so I can’t really… get into it, and when girls aren’t into it it’s kind of… dry? And that makes it kind of hurt really bad.” You faded out at the end, feeling embarrassed. He brought his hand out of your underwear and up to your chin, tilting your face up to look him in the eye, looking concerned. “But I’m into this, I mean, right now. I’m excited. I just thought I should warn you,” you awkwardly laughed at the end.

“You promise? Because you know that if you want to stop we will, and I would never be upset or pressure or anything like that,” he spoke sweetly, making your heart flutter. And you did know that, which is why you felt comfortable. Every other time, you felt that if you went past a certain point, you couldn’t say stop. Couldn’t call it off without making whatever guy you were with super mad and then… who knows what would happen. But when Jared spoke those words, you believed him.

“I promise. And I know you’ll stop. But I don’t want you to.”

With this, he scanned your face one more time for any signs of hesitation, and when he found none, brought you down into another heated kiss. You felt his hand trail from your chin down to your breasts, skimming over your bra, down your stomach and once again to the waistband of your underwear. Only this time he didn’t go under. He stayed on top of the fabric and brought his hand down between your legs, index finger brushing lightly against your core. You barely felt it, and began to worry that you’d once again feel numb. Oftentimes, when guys would touch you or go down on you, you felt nothing. It was like you were broken or something. And you started to become concerned that tonight would be no different.

But he brought his finger down again, repeating the same movement, only with significantly more pressure this time, and it had you release an involuntary sigh. And instead of removing his finger like he had the first time, he kept it over your clit, drawing firm circles.

Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan, Jared staring intently at your face.

“Oh, wow,” you finally breathed.

“Good?” he asked cockily, wearing a large smirk. He repeated the movement again, drawing a line from your core to your clit, stopping to rub circles.

“Mmm hmm,” you sighed. He leaned in once more to meet you with the sloppiest, dirtiest kiss you two had shared yet, and it only made you grind your center into his hand. He repeated the action several times over, and you were a writhing mess in minutes.

He brought a finger under your waistband once more, stretching the elastic out before letting it snap lightly against your skin. “Let’s take these off, hmm?” You’d never stood up so fast in your life, practically ripping the panties off of you, taking your bra off with it. Jared stood up to remove his shorts, but stopped to stare.

“What?” you questioned shyly, moving to cover up.

“You’re literally the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

The boy quite literally had heart eyes for you.

“Oh,” you responded meekly, cheeks heating up. When you kept looking back at him, he seemed to snap back into the moment and hurriedly ripped off his shorts and underwear, sitting back on the couch and opening his arms for you. You moved to straddle his hips the same way as before, and he brought his arms around to embrace you as you shared another heated kiss. One of his hands moved up to cup your breast, thumb rolling over your nipple as if you were made of glass. Jared pulled his mouth off of yours and trailed his lips down the side of your face, to your jaw, and down onto your neck, suckling lightly and leaving wet kisses. You tilted your head to the side to give him better access, and brought one of your hands down between you two to grasp him. He shuddered, only grabbing your hips and bringing you impossibly closer. His other hand trailed down to your center once more, going straight to your core and gathering the slight wetness there before bringing his finger up to your clit and circling. With your underwear out of the way, you felt almost lightheaded at his touch. You never knew how girls could cum during sex before, because you never seemed to feel much at all unless it was pain, but with how aroused you were right now and Jared’s movements, you thought for the first time that you may actually be able to finish. People do say that 90% of sex is mental, and you guessed this is what they meant. The more into it you are, the more physical sensation you actually feel. Groundbreaking.

“Can I finger you?” he murmured huskily into your neck.

You tensed slightly at this, but trusted him. If you said stop, he would. “Ok, just go slow.”

“Of course,” he responded before placing a sweet kiss on your shoulder and bringing his index finger back to your core, swirling around the entrance a few times. You took a few deep breaths to relax your muscles, and he looked at you, wordlessly asking, Ready? You nodded, and he slipped his finger in, just to the first knuckle, and held it still while he brought his thumb to your clit and continued rubbing. When he noticed you visibly relax, he slipped his finger in further to the second knuckle, stopping for a few seconds, and then all the way. He kept it here again, giving you time to adjust or tell him to stop, all the while keeping you stimulated with his thumb. It felt really good. Well, you didn’t exactly feel his finger at all, which was better than pain, and his thumb was making you crazy. Your breathing was labored at this point, eyebrows furrowed as you held onto his shoulders, nails digging in and sure to leave scratches. He pressed the finger inside of you onto your front wall suddenly, massaging the ridges firmly, and you let out a moan. Your first real moan ever. And damn did it get Jared excited. He continued this motion again and again, building in intensity and pressure slowly. When he felt how wet you had become, he pulled his finger back out to the first knuckle, and added his middle finger next to it, sliding them both back in slowly so as not to hurt you. Your eyes widened at the stretch, but it didn’t hurt. It felt amazing.

“Oh, fuck,” you whispered to yourself, before moaning once more as his fingers began the ‘come-hither’ motion once more.

“Am I hurting you?” he asked, concerned at your cursing.

“No, feels so good,” you moaned, and he smiled at this, increasing the pressure even more. Your eyes screwed shut, hips stuttering over his hand, letting him finger fuck you for several more minutes as you began to feel a tightening in your stomach. He brought his thumb off of your clit finally, adjusting his hand for a better angle and bringing his other hand off of your waist and up to his mouth, licking his thumb and bringing that down to your clit, resuming the tight circles. You could hear how wet you were, feeling too good to be embarrassed. The heat in your stomach was building, spreading. You felt your legs begin to shake, muscles begin to tighten around his fingers, and your eyes screwed shut as you opened your mouth in a silent scream and came. The waves of pleasure washed over you for a long time, Jared slowing his movements down so as not to overstimulate you. When you finally opened your eyes again, you were panting, legs feeling like Jello. Jared was staring at you with a look of absolute awe on his face, mouth agape and dick rock hard, red, and leaking precum. He was more turned on than he had ever been from actual sex before, and it was only from watching you.

“Fuck, baby that was so hot,” he all but moaned.

You reached down to grasp him, panting a “your turn.”

He grabbed both your wrists, stopping you. “Nuh uh, this is about you. Lie the fuck down.”

You gasped, his dominant tone turning you on despite your recent climax. You both knew that if you were even slightly uncomfortable, things would stop immediately. But it was fun for both of you to let him be a little aggressive. You did as told, lying long ways across the couch cushions, Jared moving to kneel between your legs, moving your knees softly apart so he could look at all of you. You didn’t feel insecure being exposed like this. You felt excited.

“Are you absolutely sure you wanna do this?” he questioned.

“I have never been more sure, Jared baby, I want to,” you pleaded. This was enough for him, so he brought his dick down to line up with your entrance, rubbing the tip up and down a few times to collect your wetness. He was worried that there wouldn’t be enough lubricant, so he brought a hand up to his mouth and spit, rubbing the saliva on his cock.

“You just wait ‘til we get some real lube and a real fucking bed, Princess. You won’t be able to walk for days.” You shuddered at the thought of this, and of the sensation of his dick rubbing around your clit and back down to your entrance. He pushed in slightly, letting the tip in before pausing and checking your face for any signs of pain. When he found none, he pushed in slightly more, and more. He was being extremely slow, and you appreciated it. Guys normally would just shove themselves inside, not giving you any time to adjust before pounding away. But Jared was careful, despite how turned on you knew he was. He still had your best interest in mind. Within a couple of minutes, he was fully seated inside of you, staying still until you told him to move. He brought his face down to give you a sweet kiss, waiting for you to give him the signal.

After a few seconds, you didn’t feel any sort of stinging or pain, so you nodded, saying “Just start slow.”

“Of course,” he replied genuinely. He pulled his hips back just a few inches, before slowly grinding them back into yours. You closed your eyes, focusing on keeping your muscles loose and relaxed as he continues this movement a few more times. The next time he pushed in, he ground his hips further into yours, hitting the deepest parts of you. This had you release a gasp, eyes opening to meet his. “Okay?” he questioned.

“Yes.”

He did this several more times, letting you get used to the feeling of him being so deep inside of you, before your hips began to grind back into his. It felt really good. When he noticed this, he began pulling his hips back more, pushing back in slightly faster, and this had you moaning. You threw your head back, back arched, just enjoying the sensations. Your hands were grasping at his shoulders, definitely leaving scratch marks.

“Oh my God,” you whispered.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he responded, planting sloppy kisses to your neck and collar bone. “Baby, I’m not gonna last much longer.”

You smiled at this, glad he was enjoying it as much as you were. “Go ahead, cum for me,” you spoke, and your words had him right on the edge. He pulled out of you quickly, hand fisting his cock as he stared at your sweaty, writhing body below him. He came hard, spilling onto your stomach as he growled out, the sound making your toes curl, almost animalistic. You both remained in this position as you came down, breaths labored and eyes barely open. He stood up fully off of the couch and reached for the flimsy blanket on the floor, using it to wipe off your stomach. He threw it into the corner of the room and lay down next to you on the couch, gathering you up into his arms to cuddle.

“Did you have a good time?” he asked almost nervously after a few minutes.

“Nah, kinda sucked,” you teased, and he let out a playful laugh, lightly shoving you away before pulling you back and planting a kiss on your temple.

A pause. “For real though,” he prodded, beginning to panic slightly.

You burst out laughing. “Of course I had a good time, Jared. Best i’ve ever had, if I’m being honest.”

“Ok good,” he sighed, relieved but trying not to show that you actually had him nervous for a second.

Another pause. “Did… did you have a good time?” you questioned back at him.

He seemed almost offended at the question, bringing a hand up to cup your face so that your eyes met his. “Y/N, this was the best night of my entire life. That was perfect. You are perfect. And I’m glad you trusted me enough to do that with you.”

You felt your eyes sting slightly, emotions running wild. You considered yourself the luckiest girl in the world to be with Jared Cameron. Not only was he totally gorgeous, but kind, hilarious, and great in bed.

In an effort to switch the tone back to a more playful one, you replied, “Yeah, well I was promised some more fun involving real lube and a real bed so…”

He tugged you further into him, wrapping his arms around you in a way that made you think he might never let go. He laughed, and said “Oh, you just wait.”

#jared cameron x reader #jared cameron #twilight #wolf pack #paul lahote #sam uley #jacob black #embry call #seth clearwater #quil ateara #edward cullen #twilight smut #vaginismus

509 notes · View notes

azucanela · 4 years

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Can i please have a headcanons for Keigo and Shinsou with a female s/o that really likes manga and anime but keeps it a secret from others because they talk shit and make fun of her? and like one day they accidently find out and she's kinda embarressed about it but they convince her that everything is fine and they think ist cute how happy they are when they talk about something she loves? Uwu :9 (sorry for my bad english)

secret anime and manga fan s/o headcannons [ft. keigo takami, shinsou hitoshi]

SUMMARY: Y/N has been hiding the fact that she likes anime and manga from her lovely boyfriend for a while now, fearing he’d find it weird. now, she has no choice but to address the fact that he knows.

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

WARNINGS: threats

A/N: your english is great bb! uwu owo this was relatable askdakjhds if anyone tells you there is something wrong with watching anime or reading manga, let me tell you that they are WRONG. i will fight them for you<3

KEIGO TAKAMI | PRO HERO HAWKS

you used to talk about animes you liked because at the end of the day they are tv shows thats it, same with mangas, they are like books but cooler lol

but people found that “weird” for some reason, because anime is a “cartoon” and thats so gross omg haha these “cartoons” make me sob um watch a silent voice and cry with me kids

anyways

you’re watching anime in the comfort of your home, just vibing. no one is coming over today, you have time to yourself to enjoy your lil show that nobody should be judging you for

well, you thought no one was coming over

keigo has a tendency to just like, show up at your house sometimes when hes bored or in the midst of an uneventful patrol. though he rarely is seen in public, especially on the streets, he does fly-bys constantly

anyways, he was bored, or just relieved of duty for whatever reason, like lunch. he is having chicken nuggets, he is a cannibal, be ashamed H A W K S, smh

anyways, he just shows up at your house, like he lowkey breaks in through the balcony of your apartment, but its fine because you leave it open for him, but normally he texts you to let you know he’s coming but today was the exception because he’s adorable and wanted to surprise!!! you!!! with!!! food!!!

so he comes in, and he sees you are on your couch, just watching your lil anime, and you are SO INTO IT MAN like you are lowkey yelling at the TV whenever a character does something, and when that one character you hate comes on you’re like throwing hands with nothing

keigo is internally screaming because why are you so CUTE

he kinda forgets for a second that you don’t know he’s there, he has no idea what’s going on in this show, and he’s still holding chicken nuggets and fries

this is why he just kinda screams at a character who does something stupid, that totally could’ve been avoided, effectively startling you

now you are both screaming for separate reasons as you turn around to look at him, and now you are panicking because oh no, he KNOWS

his wings are fluttering and he feels bad for scaring you as he comes up to wrap his arms around your shoulders, “sorry baby! but that guy is so dumb.”

you are MORTIFIED and now you’re like, “oh my god, you must think im so weird-”

keigo is confused, why would he think that? he genuinely doesn’t realize that people make fun of you for watching anime and he’s so confused by it when you inform him that a lot of people tend to find it weird

“what?”

“people think its weird so i just-” hahahhasdha keigo lowkey wants to take time out of his day in his professional agency to find out who told you it was weird and made you think you had to hide this from him because he wants to know everything about you! you are the love of his life! you shouldn’t feel the need to hide things!

now he feels like maybe he did something to make you think you had to hide your love for anime even though it is literally adorable to watch you

“baby, it’s not weird. i actually think its cute how angry you get at the characters. and i AGREE like how could he just do that-”

“wait you don’t care...?” you are BLUSHING because he thinks you are CUTE not that you didn’t know this already since he was dating you but like

omg

“of course not, also would you mind restarting this anime, im kind of invested- oh and i brought chicken nuggets”

you lowkey wanna cry he’s so cute

he can tell you don’t believe him so he sets the food down on a coffee table and takes your face in his hands and is all like, “baby. i promise you its fine. and adorable. now let’s restart this show so i can watch with you.”

he winks at you and now you’re like, “whatever no i am NOT restarting.”

then he gets all pouty but its fine he doesn’t need to understand the plot to watch with you and enjoy every moment, he also likes when you explain it really excitedly with all these hand movements, and he especially enjoys when you get mad at characters

he finds it hot

hates when you have a crush on a character he gets so jealous and is not afraid to show it kjahsdahsdsh mans will start hating the character just because you keep talking about how hot they are

“they’re just so BEAUTIFUL.”

keigo, self consciously touching his winds, “im beautiful too...”

he’s so cute

throws popcorn at the screen whenever that character comes on

SHINSOU HITOSHI

hahjsdgjasgdj

THIS BOY is so pretty

anyways you probably fell asleep reading manga, or watching anime or something like that, so it’s like 1AM and you were BINGING because that stuff is great and nobody is there to bother you while you read and watch and stuff its you time

and for some reason people have been opposed to this in the past? so now whenever people come to your room your manga are all like lowkey hidden and you make sure there is no evidence of anima

you did NOT want shinsou finding out and thinking you were weird or anything like that, even though liking anime and manga is NOT weird!!!

if anyone tells you other lmk and i will have strong words with them

so you fell asleep and shinsou comes over because he realizes he forgot something in your room, and like the GENTLEMAN he is, he knocks, but you are asleep and do not hear him!

he’s like eh worst case scenario she’s cheating on me and i end up heartbroken, and this is something he genuinely considers sometimes and he would definitely blame himself if he got cheated on

so he sees you sleeping and you are like a mess because you did not intend to fall asleep, so you’re like in your desk chair, the manga is wide open on your desk or your computer is on and there’s the still going anime aksjdhkjdhas

your neck is in a weird funky way that’ll probably hurt in the morning and shinsou is like oh no i gotta move her i dont want her in pain, he is also wondering why you look so cute because what the hell this is unfair stop it

tbh he probably barely notices the manga, like he’ll just nonchalantly close it and place it on your bedside table because reading manga isn’t weird before coming back to you, in the chair, and like picking you up to put you in bed

now you AWAKEN AND YOU ARE A L E R T because it hits you pretty fast that shinsou is here, this is NOT a dream, he probably saw your manga/anime, and now hates you and is carrying you to your death

this is all false

in the midst of your panic, you knock the both of you down onto the ground, and he’s feels so bad for allowing the two of you to fall nkjasdjakn poor bb

“Y/N im so sorry-”

“hitoshi why are you apologizing?”

he just ignores that and he comes over to you on the floor but your gaze is on the closed computer on your desk or the manga that was placed on your bedside table that you DEFINITELY DID NOT PUT THERE

he saw, he definitely saw, and now you are babbling about how weird he must think you are because of those JERKS who made you think anime and manga are weird

“what are you talking about?”

“well, people always told me how weird it was and sometimes they would... say things”

shinsou quickly realizes you were bullied because you liked manga and anime and stuff like that and now he is contemplating murder <3 what a lovely boyfriend

as someone who has experience with bullying himself, he finds this especially stupid, its literally just a show and book, and kinda wants to ask you the names of the people who told you these things so he can hunt them d o w n

instead shinsou prioritizes you and your insecurities first, “babe... no. its just anime? there’s no problem with watching it. whoever told you that was just a jerk.” jk he uses more colorful vocabulary

shinsou is completely ready to spend the next hour convincing you that there is nothing to worry about because there really isn’t

“so you don’t think its weird?” his heart almost breaks when he hears your voice and he just nods and gives you a lil smile

“not at all... actually i was wondering what was so interesting that you stayed up until” he’s looking at the time, “2AM.”

now you’re blushing but you still launch into an explanation of the entire anime and honestly anime/manga plots are so extensive and cool and well done and that just makes them so fun and complicated to explain

shinsou is trying his hardest to understand but you are very cute as you explain using lots of vivid hand gestures and adorable faces and wow he’s been distracted

will try his hardest to understand so that you can talk with him about it more often, genuinely finds it great watching you tell him about something you enjoy so much and hates that you felt the need to keep it a secret

he wonders how many times you hid away the manga or anime when he came over and feels like an inconvenience

anyways he really really really likes you so now he just listens as you rant about how cute certain characters are and lowkey gets jealous

“WHY IS HE SO HOT.”

“he’s not... that hot.” grumbling and stuff as he plays with the edge of his sleeve and borderline glares at the screen.

A/N: i hope this wasn’t bad akshfjakshdkjh

#shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinso hitoshi x reader #shinsou x reader #shinso x reader #hitoshi x reader #hitoshi shinso x reader #hitoshi shinsou x reader #keigo takami x reader #keigo x reader #takami keigo x reader #keigo headcannons #shinsou headcannons #shinso headcannons #hawks x reader #hawks x you #shinsou x you #keigo x you #shinso x you

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skvaderarts · 3 years

Text

Devil May Cry OC Week Day 4!

I’m actually really excited for @dmc-oc-week day for because it gives me the opportunity to talk about Sirrus without delving into spoilers! Yay loopholes!

This contains slight spoilers, but nothing super important. Just keep that in mind. it won’t effect anything, but if you want to go in totally blind, tread carefully.

Dislikes:

Note: if your wondering why I did dislikes first, it’s because that’s just how Sirrus is lol! He’s not a downer, but he likes to think of himself as a realist, but he’s slightly closer to being a pragmatic nihilist, and that lack of optimism lingers in his day to day life because he’s naturally going to have his guard up at all times. He can’t be disappointed if his expectations are nonexistent. Big mood, Sirrus.

1. His father. As previously mentioned, Sirrus is not on good terms with his father. At all. In fact, he’s actively waiting for his father’s hubris to catch up to him along with some of the enemies he’s made along the way so that he himself doesn’t have to confront him and possible end him because he knows he has it coming, but he doesn’t have it in him to do it himself. He’s probably powerful enough, but he just doesn’t have the heart. Despite everything, he’s still got a small ounce of compassion in his heart towards his father that he can’t let go of, something that he loathes about himself. It’s pretty unhealthy.

2. People that abuse power, authority, or social standing. This is actually a large issue in his own immediate family, and that’s part of why his dislike for it is so powerful. He genuinely believes that you should positively contribute to the lives of others if you have the means to, and if nothing else, that you should not detract from them. As a result, he’s developed a dislike of a large portion of people in power because, I mean, fair enough. But his family does not escape this designation, and that’s a large part of why he does what he does. Not because he believes he has superior judgement or standing over others, but because he cannot solve a problem that he does not understand. So as a result, he has to go out into the field and learn from those his work effects. Assuming that he knows what’s best for everyone while simultaneously never having met those people is literally what he hates most about most people in positions of power, and he strives to not do the same. Being powerful doesn’t mean that your smart, and he knows that first hand. I feel like Sirrus would be into the “eat the rich” thing if it was a thing in the DMC universe. Very into it.

3. His mother. I feel like this one may come as a bit of a surprise to some of you who know more about him from the fic since he’s literally only mentioned her once, and doesn’t speak of her in any broad sense, but Sirrus isn’t on the best of terms with his mother, either. He doesn’t harbor any negativity towards them for splitting up when he was young. In fact, he considers it the best thing that either of them has probably ever done. But he has his reasons for not being on good terms with him mom. Day 6 will cover family and background, so I’ll get to go in depth on that day! For now, lets just put it under the broad but totally accurate category of “extremely toxic and codependent relationship” and go from there. Maybe I’ll make a family tree you you can see how messed up everything is! Yea, that would be fun! Would you like to see that?

4. Extreme heat and sun. In truth, while he does in fact become more powerful in bright sunlight, he still hates it. Why? Simple. It gives him migraines due to one of his existing (but not yet disclosed) abilities. And he just hates to be hot. He’s on the pale side (Ok, he almost makes V look like he has a tan.) so he gets sun burned. And because he’s used to a cooler climate, hot places drive him NUTS. I suppose you could say that “Discomfort” is a dislike of his, too.

5. Desk work. This one probably seems pretty random, but as an adjudicator, he actually has to occasionally file reports, and he ABSOLUTELY HATES EVERY SECOND OF IT. He’s good at what he does, no question there, but it’s kind of like being good at sending corporate emails when you hate the fake corporate politeness that you have to maintain, and you basically despise half of the company you work for. Why does he keep the job? Simple. Because no one can abuse the power of the position he’s in if he does it himself. And for him, that’s worth hating a large aspect of his job,

Likes:

1. V. Yup you read that right. Sirrus absolutely adores V, something that he himself is not used to. At this point, he’s not entirely sure what he feels towards him since they haven’t known one another for very long, but he does realize that he means quite a bit to him. After V saved his life in the fic, he really started to pay more attention to him. Before, they were friendly and he had to admit that he actually did find both V and Nero (and Nico, for that matter) really cute, but that was about it. And then as they started spending more time around one another, Sirrus realized that perhaps he liked being around V for a reason. He’s still working on understanding what he feels, but with everything going on in the fic, for now he’s just there to help and figure out what’s going on so that everything turns out alright. Then he can worry about everything else. But for now, he’s just working it out as he goes and trying to distract V from everything going on in the fic. He realizes that he’s got a lot going on, and he genuinely just wants him to be happy for a few damn minuets.

2. Being around equally strange people. Sirrus feels like an outcast most of the time, so as a general rule, he tries to associate with people as little as possible. That being said, the DMC crew makes him feel right at home, and the supreme otherness that he feels much of the time dissipates when he’s with them. It’s a welcome feeling to be sure.

3. Wine. Sirrus actually enjoys wine quite a bit! It’s something he likes the taste of, and due to his biological inability to drink, it’s something he can basically enjoy without consequence. That being said, his favorite wine is absolutely disgusting to basically everyone who’s ever tasted it (aside form V, much to his surprise) and that may be because of a certain added ingredient that was put into it for flavor. What can I say, he has unorthodox tastes!

4. Cooking good food. Sirrus doesn’t actually need to eat, but he does like to entertain those around him. If he likes you, he will cook for you. It’s that simple. It’s something from his own culture that’s been instilled in him; the idea of taking care of those that show kindness to you. And believe me, that doesn’t happen to him very often. He’s largely ostracized in most social interactions despite the fact that he says and does nothing to cause this. Its a key reason as to why he doesn't talk about what he is. It makes people... uncomfortable. And to add to that, he has a sort of aura to him that unnerves people. The way he tends to look at people at though he’s looking through them instead of at them doesn’t help.

5. Fine arts. Something that doesn’t come up much in the books is that Sirrus has hobbies. And a love for the fine arts. All of them. The more unorthodox, the better. Sirrus is that person who is dead inside and will stare at a piece of artwork for ridiculous amounts of time, pondering it’s meaning. Not in a pretensions way, but in a “what the hell am I doing with my life” sort of way. He’s a walking essential crisis, but he’s nothing if not self aware. But in regards to the arts, if it’s a form of expression, then he’s all for it. And he will probably ask you to teach it to him or become a financial patron to your work. He thinks that art and the people that make it are under appreciated, and the idea of art dying out genuinely scares him to death. He doesn’t think a world without art is worth living in. As an extension to this, he loves history. He considered much of it distasteful, but he recognizes it’s importance.

Bonus: Sirrus likes to send extravagant gifts. This is partially due to the fact that he has a very large sum of money and nothing to spend it on. It’s a regular occurrence that you will mention liking something in passing and then end up having it sent to your house out of nowhere. Sirrus did this to V with basically an entire house of furniture, and V is still trying to process it. But this isn’t the only time he’s going to do something like that. Not by a long shot.

Let me know if you have any questions! I love answering them :D And if you have any input, I’ve love to hear that, too!

#dmcocweek #Sirrus #My OC #Devil May Cry OC Week Day 4 #DMC #OC #Devil May Cry #My Devil May Cry OC #My Post Devil May Cry 5 OC #Fic

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scarletbluebird13 · 3 years

Text

Under the Christmas Tree

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Title: Kissed by the Baddest Bidder

Pairing: Eisuke x MC

Tags: fluff, drabble

Word count: 2024

A/N: I know I’ve got some requests, and I swear I’ll get to them - this is progress ehehe~ I took a little bit of a break for a few days because I wasn’t feeling well, so to the people who’ve sent me requests; thank you all SO MUCH for your requests (I really do appreciate your requests and all of you <3 - since I’m saying this, I genuinely appreciate and love all of you - those who request, lurk, like, and reblog — thank you all so much xxx), I’ll work on them this week - to get myself back into the swing of uploading stuff onto here/making my brain use creative juices to wRiTe, I wrote this - which has been living inside my head since thanksgiving 😳 anyways, hope this is okays xx

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Autumn came and went. The golden crisp of the leaves left all trees barren, surrendering to snow-covered sidewalks - gone for another year. How many seasons have I seen with Eisuke…? How many times have we been together through another fall, winter, spring, and summer? I’ve lost count - then again, I’m not really counting anymore, since we’ll have forever (and that’s a lot of seasons - not that I mind, anyway).

The chill of the autumn wind has changed to a stinging winter breeze - which has me making Eisuke’s coffee a bit warmer - so he won’t get sick. It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been together; I’ll always be worried about him - especially now that the weather’s a lot cooler and he doesn’t do well in the cold heh, that seems to be another thing they have in common...

Below me, Tokyo gleams and glitters - the city lights at night are certainly nothing to scoff at. Especially not from our suite. Content at how my life’s been, I sigh a bit, gripping the mug in my hands a bit tighter - searching for the warmth, letting it seep into my hands - and letting the coffee I made for myself slide down my throat, coming to rest in my stomach. As I look out into the world surrounding me, the smell of the freshly brewed coffee keeps me grounded, it’s tempting smell wafting into my nose, slightly fogging up the window when I lean too close. Everything in the world couldn’t be more perfect.

My eyes growing softer at the serene, graceful landscape below, I lean my head gently against the grand window, letting my eyes gloss over the scene below as I think about the text Eisuke sent me about four hours ago;

“I’m going to be late today. Don’t wait up for me.”

Christmas will be in one hour, and I wanted all of us to be together when the clock strikes midnight. I hope he comes home soon-

Before I can finish that thought, an ear piercing wail snaps me out of my thoughts

Poor darling, probably had a nightmare - that’s his scared cry.

Putting the cup of coffee down, I walk over to the cream painted crib situated next to the Christmas tree.

“Shhhh, shhh… It’s okay, Eito. I’m here. I’m here, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

I coo into our delicate seven-month-old baby’s ear as I pick him up and start rubbing his back.

“I promise I’ll protect you from anything and everything that ever tries to hurt you - whether it be the monsters in your dreams, the ones you’ll think hide under your bed or in your closet, and the ones disguised as ‘good people.’” I make that promise to him as I gently place a kiss on his head, adjusting him in my arms so that his head is no longer resting on my left shoulder, rather, that his head is resting in the crook of my left arm. His eyes are still shut, tears streaming from his little red eyes, but he’s calmed down a bit - the crying got a bit quieter.

“I promise I’ll always be here for you, Eito.” I whisper, kissing his tears away.

He looks just like his father - I bet Eisuke looked just like Eito when he was a baby. Eito tends to cry a lot - come to think of it, hasn’t Eiji said Eisuke was always fussy and cried a lot when he was a little kid? At least before his sister was born. I smile to myself, cradling our baby in my arms, knowing I’m probably the only person in the world who knows how similar Eisuke and Eito are. Not that Eisuke’d ever admit it, at least. ...Eiji’s really only met Eito once - when I gave birth to Eito, and even then, he looked at Eito like he was the only thing in the world that mattered - but I’m positive if Eiji were to ever visit and spend one day with Eito, he’d realize Eisuke and Eito’s similarities don’t just stop at their looks.

The crying’s stopped, and for now, Eito looks at me with those wide, beautiful brown eyes of his, and he smiles, reaching up to touch me.

“Hey, feeling better? You certainly don’t look sleepy anymore - wanna stay up with me and see your first Christmas?”

To this, he laughs - smiling myself, I decide to take that as a ‘yes.’

“I thought I told you not to wait up for me.”

The voice slightly startling me, I turn around, clutching Eito a bit tighter to my chest in the process.

“I wanted the three of us to be together - you know, for Eito’s first Christmas. And he had another nightmare, the poor baby - so I’ve been cradling him to cheer him up.” I respond, bouncing Eito in my arms, a natural smile gracing my lips as I look up at Eisuke - who responds by placing a kiss upon my lips.

“...If that’s what you want.” He says with a sigh, looking down at Eito with soft eyes and lifting his index finger to gently caress the baby’s cheek - who, in reply to his father’s tender touch, laughs and wraps his tiny fingers around Eisuke’s large one. Eisuke’s really changed since Eito was born…for starters; he gets that soft look in his eyes and smiles a lot more - especially around Eito.

With a smile, I ask Eisuke if he’d hold Eito for a bit while I make him some coffee.

When I return with Eisuke’s overly sweet coffee in tow, I find Eisuke sitting on the couch, rocking Eito back-and-forth, a warm look on his face.

“Here you go - I can hold him while you drink it.”

“I want to hold him for a bit longer.”

“Okay.” I say in agreement, inwardly screaming and trying to engrave this adorable moment in my mind forever - Eisuke rejected my coffee to hold his son

It’s 11:45 pm now, and Eisuke went to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable - I wouldn’t blame him, seems like he’s had a taxing day at work I wonder how Chisato and Sakiko are doing...I’ll stop by sometime soon and set up a date to catch up with them.

Eito’s squirming around in my arms, so I set him down on the grand, amber tainted floor - he’s been crawling recently, and I find myself eager to see which corner of the suite he travels to. This time, Eito makes a beeline for the Christmas tree, completely disappearing under it. I’m not too concerned about him going under the tree - I know it’s something I loved doing when I was a kid (it’s magical - laying under there and looking up - feeling like you’re looking at a completely different world, giving it an ethereal glow - the view of the christmas lights lighting up the tree from the inside is certainly a simple, nostalgic view worthy of competing with Tokyo’s midnight skyline) - so for the fun of it, I decide to follow him under the tree.

Mildly surprised I fit under the tree, I see Eito laughing - he’s sitting perfectly by the base of the tree, looking straight at me. Finding him adorable, I bring him towards me, carefully, taking special care not to accidentally whack him in the face with a stray branch, and not give him rug burn - even though it would be nigh impossible, considering he’s wearing his white and blue dinosaur print footsies. I bring him around to my left and tickle him a bit, laughing with him and enjoying this moment of peace.

Seconds later, Eisuke enters the room, and I stop tickling Eito - suddenly turning this into a game of hide-and-seek. Luckily, Eito seems to catch on, blissfully looking up at me, silently flapping his little arms in the air.

“Where are they…?” Eisuke asks himself, his feet coming to a stop in front of my face. I try not to look up - else he’d find us, and wanting to keep the game going for a bit, I bring one hand up to stifle my laughs. Unfortunately, Eito gives us up with a little giggle.

In no time at all, Eisuke bends down and we’re face-to-face. He wastes no time in scolding me or for that matter, doesn’t bother to ask why I’m under the tree with Eito - he just sighs.

“What are you doing under there?” He asks, looking painfully exhausted.

“Get under here with us!” I exclaim, laughing with Eito, who, giggling, reaches out towards his father.

“Why would I do that?” He asks, giving me a hard time while he gives Eito his index finger to play with (and, as Eito planned, to suck on).

“Just come on!” I insist.

“...fine.” he grumbles, trying his best to get under the tree without knocking it down.

He’s decided to go on the other side of the tree, keeping Eito between us.

“You know you’re a handful, right?” He asks, trying his best to sound annoyed with me; but deep down, I know he’s not really annoyed - he likes it. It’s because I can be a “handful” that he’s not “bored,” as he would have said, once upon a time.

“You love it.” I retort, my eyes glued to little Eito, as he laughs and reaches up towards a red ornament hanging on one of the lower parts of the tree.

We remain like that under the tree for a while, the smell of pine weaving its way into my hair, the christmas lights twinkling softly above us, the effect being amplified only after the lights in the living room were shut off. Eisuke’s eyes remain content, and soft - resting on Eito and his innocent antics. My heart set at peace, knowing my husband is by my side, our baby is nestled safely between us, and has seen the transition from Christmas eve to his first Christmas. In that moment, we seem untouchable - and it feels like nothing in the world could harm us, take our joy away, or tarnish this harmony we’ve found at last. For a moment, it feels like the warm lights above our heads are enough to keep us safe, protected.

Bonus:

After a while of laying under the Christmas tree with Eisuke and Eito, Eito decides he wants to explore some other part of the suit. Eisuke and I spend a few more minutes under the rich forest green tree, gazing at each other - and share a secret kiss beneath the chorus of the gleaming lights above us.

“Thank you.” He whispers, holding my head close to his.

Curious as to what he means, I merely tilt my head to the side and give him a quizzical look, to which he explains;

“For never giving up on me. For staying by my side. For giving me Eito.” I smile despite myself, and in response, decide to cup his face and softly kiss him.

Then he whispers into the kiss, “I love you.”

Smiling, I say it back, and slide out from under the tree.

Once I’m out, I take the mugs of coffee out of the living room - both mine that’s still half full, and Eisuke’s, which is completely empty.

After I spend a few minutes in the kitchen cleaning the mugs, I return to the living room, my heart swelling at the sight before me;

Eisuke’s fallen asleep in a sitting position on the couch, his chest rising and falling with each breath, his eyelids heavy with the pull of sleep holding them down. And resting atop his chest is none other than Eito, tranquility the scene on his face as he sleeps on Eisuke’s chest - his little mind free of nightmares Eito never has nightmares when Eisuke’s around. Even in sleep Eisuke finds a way to keep Eito safe and secure; he has his right arm holding onto Eito, guarding him even while he rests (Eisuke’s way of saying he’ll forever protect Eito no matter what - I’m sure of it).

I love the both of you. And I’d give my life to protect the little family we’ve got. Merry Christmas, my loves.

#eisuke #kissed by the baddest bidder #kbtbb #eisuke ichinomiya #kissed by the baddest bidder eisuke #eito #eito ichinomiya #voltage #voltage inc #love 365 #fluff #drabble

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ser-rctslcyer · 3 years

Text

Sweet Home (2020)

First of all this is going to major major spoilers from the show, so don’t read if you are still trying to finish!!!

I’d like to start off by saying that this is my opinion, thoughts and feelings about the show(I watched all of it). I will be comparing events in both the Webtoon comic and the Netflix TV series. Also again it’s been awhile since I have read the Webtoon from beginning to end so sorry if there’s some misinformation (apologies if any of the names are spelled wrong or out of order too, I using the wiki page to write out the characters name from the show as they changed names a bit) but here we go.

(1) Pacing Issues

I’d like to start off and say the show has a lot of pacing issues. Throughout the show there are a lot of events that happen so quickly and sometimes bizarrely. From the transformations, to the introduction of characters, and the movement of the plot. One of the odd things that stood out was the bizarre news broadcast which was showcasing weird and scary visuals, as it explained the ‘rules of monsterization’ (you think that for global news that big, you wouldn’t want to cause global panic, but insist on showing the visuals that would put even more anxieties in the people at that time. Also why didn’t they cut it off when the dude first started having a nosebleed).

Next I know Hyun was only supposed to be there for a week before everything started going down, but literally it just felt like a day. It didn’t seem to establish enough of his situation for the audience. I understand that adaptations like this are made for the niche audience of those who have either watched/read the original source material, however everyone should strive to have a story for anyone to view that they could understand and follow. It feels like immediately we get into the craziness that is thrusted upon all of the characters.

Another thing that threw me for a loop was the way the ‘Blind Monster’ quickly transformed, it was just so fast. One moment he is the random human and then the next he’s standing up full monster. I think it would’ve been way cooler to see him transform fully, which I think would have been the first (full) transformation to see on screen. It’s one of the coolest monsters in the comic AND IT GETS PUNKED SO QUICKLY IN THE SHOW!!!

I get making the montage when Hyun met Du-sik, and how he went there to get his weapon made but it felt weird that they quickly figured out that they could use the phones to detect the monsters. It seemed so very rushed, and again one of the many things that probably would give the audience whiplash. Then when he meets up with Ji-su(Ji-soo) and Jay-hun did he teach them that the phones can work to detect monsters??? I mean they talked to each other all of two seconds before going back out to save the kids.

Hyun also went so quickly into his madness phases (his alter)? I swear they just really threw that in there so early by episode 2-3 . It seemed so random again as there wasn’t really much build up to show his ‘desires’ side. It was so abrupt especially because they hadn’t ‘laid out’ Hyun’s character yet, enough to introduce his alter ego fully like that. It didn’t really showcase Hyun’s struggle a lot to defy the his alter; mainly seemed like they used the alter to explain why Hyun is the way he is, which happens in the comic but again the show just kind of makes it feel like the alter is sorta just there to give us more exposition.

There’s a lot more pacing issues which I could get into but I think that would make this entirely much longer than it has to be.

(2) Continuity Issues

There’s also a ton of issues with continuity of the story too. The first glaring one that comes to mind is this both the power issue and the no internet service. In the show it establishes toward the end of episode one that there is no service, as the big group is on the first floor wondering why they are locked into the building. That’s at episode 1, which then in episode 2 opens up to Hyun still playing games on his computer, the group watching the news broadcast and Hyuk reading the initial first article about the outbreak being a ‘curse’. Now I’m not a tech savvy person, but when there’s no service, I’m pretty sure you aren’t able to do any of those things. Then when the Netflix original character, Seo Yi-Kyung, the ex firefighter/special forces decides to send a picture of the dead guy’s body to his family when there is no service; how is that possible? (Also was I the only one who found that to be completely odd and mean, as she saw a picture of his family? I understand it set us up for her story and how she’s trying to uncover secrets from her long lost fiance but it seems out of pocket as well as a dick move.) But that again loops back to the point that there is no service in this place, it’s been said many times so it just irks me more because that is such a big glaring issue, which should’ve been caught by someone reading the script.

Then there is when the power goes out. It shows Hyuk at the cameras when the powers go out and the cameras all shut off. But when he comes back to the camera with Seo Yi-Kyung, the camera’s are back on. Is it possible for them to be running on a separate generator, perhaps. However they showed the cameras going so then again, I can’t believe that there is a separate generator because again they showed them all shutting off; so again another continuity error. During that same scene I also could have sworn the lady also was looking at the cameras and saw the monster on screen, but apparently not because as she returns she punches Hyuk in the chest. I thought it was really weird because again he pointed and even showed which camera it was where she had to turn the power back on, yet she didn’t see the monster at all? Not only that too but I thought too she knew the risk she would be taking, as they were unaware of what other monsters could be in the building, however I guess not since she came back so defensively.

Another issue I have is the strength of Protein. Protein is first shown in episode 3 when Hyun has gone to rescue the kids and bring them back to Dusik’s room. Hyun begins to have a nosebleed and then his alter comes to him in his head and he tells the kids to go on without him. They run into Protein who if I remember correctly knocked Hyun through the door. As Hyun is still dazed and the kids are dragging him away, Protein takes about 5+ hits… to break through a wall. This giant hulking mass of a monster, takes more than 5 hits to finally bust through a wall, does that seem right to you? The later when he fights [the lady who lost her baby] and when he pouches her, it almost feels like a push with how far she flies, even though he reared up for that punch. Anyway later on in episode 8 I believe, when Protein comes back, he quickly demolishes their armored car, so much that it looks nearly if not just like a pile of scrap. One could argue that yes, when he comes back and attacks the group, he’s supposed to be in his ‘rage mode’ of sorts, so that could be what makes him stronger. However he’s a towering hulking monster, seems to not do that much damage, to both the surroundings around him and then to the few people he smacked around. It just seems weird how he had different strengths each time he appeared. I know again that sometimes adaptations do tend to nerf characters, however I found it weird how they seemingly tried to do that in the show. I was sure that Jae Heon’s sword wasn’t able to slice Protein at all in the comic (or maybe he was in his rage mode at that point) either way though the nerfing of Protein’s character seemed to flip flop from whatever they seemed fit.

(3) Monsters

Which this can lead into the monsters. Now each monster in Sweet Home has different power sets and abilities than the other, however one consistent thing in the comic at least is that most of them are actually pretty sturdy and tough for the group to beat. A lot of the monsters, it takes time, effort, and a lot of learning for the group to figure out how to kill them.

Let’s start off with the Tongue Monster. The Tongue monster is one of the first ones the group initially encounters; its terrifyingly tall stature is already unsettling enough, there’s the gaping hole of a mouth with a powerful tongue. Now the effects that for the opening of the mouth were a little wonky, but something I could look past. However my main problem was that this monster single handedly got the most kills in the show out of all the other monsters. In fact he was the only monster to get kills, which is very disappointing to see when you have all these cool monsters that could have different and interesting kills. (I’m not counting Mr. Kim and Jay hun’s death simply because that was a self sacrifice on Jay hun’s part. Nor am I counting any of Jung Wooi-myung kills because he was a half monster also he didn’t go full monster to kill anyone). In the comic, the Tongue monster had gotten 2 kills which one of those happened to be another monster (Mr. Kim).

Eyeball monster was alright, and did what it needed to do.

The Blind monster, who is for a doubt, one of the most terrifying and troublesome monsters in the comic. Like both in the show and the comic, he originally attacks Ji-su first, but then Jayhun comes and saves her by slicing off it’s head. The two leave think it was dead but that’s when the true terror starts as he was monsterized enough to survive it’s head being cut in half but unable to regenerate its head fully. Since it fully relies on sound, it makes it more deadly as it shoots out branch-like tendrils with great speed. This is deadly for the group as they have to make sure they travel quietly as possible to avoid being killed by the agonized creature. I did enjoy how the show included when Hyun first opened his door to it being right there, as that was a very suspenseful moment, and showed us another big threat that the people in this apartment building would face. The Blind monster is only around for 23 chapters in the comic which is roughly he’s in there for about 16.43% of the story (not including the flashback in the later chapters). While that number is small to you, the Blind monster is one of the iconic monsters as well as one that sets an even bigger tone for the dire situation the characters are in. He didn’t feel like much of a threat in the show, as I think also in episode 3 he gets killed by Protein after their ‘cheesy’ fight. In the comic, the Blind monster only killed one human (shown in a flashback as it was the slime monster’s mother) and was killed by Eun Lee. I will say he was one of the better looking monsters in the show and I give props for both the practical effects and special effects they used to create him.

The one I hate the absolute most is, Speed monster. His design was awful to me and sort of out of all the designs in the show he was the most out of place for me and just weird. He served his purpose though, the design they did for the show makes him comical rather than scary. In the comics, he does kill one in a flashback and then is killed by Hyun Cha.

Reach monster is another one I think the show did really well, design wise. However the narration when reading the guys journal to figure out why he had become a monster was a good idea how the execution of it seemed so jarring as we were already moving back to the characters of that scene and ultimately doesn’t get the audience to really get invested into the thought that anyone could turn into a monster over seemingly any desire.

Protein or the Steroid monster is another great and iconic monster from the comic, which in the show he seemed much less of a big deal than in the comic. The continuity with his strength seems to vary all throughout the show. He takes 5 hits to break one measly apartment wall, 1 attack to almost demolish a car (which I think he just smacked away because it didn’t seem like he rushed it), and he ended up getting crushed to death by on-fire debris. The strength and speed of Protein is what makes him another big problem for the group yet in the show, they sort of deal with him quickly. In the comic, Protein kills the Tongue monster in a fit of rage and also Seop Ahn (Seob An) who he crushes his skull with one singular punch. He’s later killed by the criminals that invade the apartment as they ram him with a bus and then eventually set him on fire. Protein was seemingly lack-luster in the show and honestly wasn’t as terrifying as I thought a 10 foot monster should be.

Mr. Kim (Security Guard) is another monster that comes back out of nowhere in the show to kill Jae-heon (Jayhun). I found it weird that they didn’t show Mr. Kim, as in the comic he’s seen a couple times wandering before it comes to the other realization that he’s in fact a monster. Also in the comic, Mr. Kim is a strong and sturdy monster, his thirst for vengeance against the tenants whom some harassed him make him out to be a very tough monster for the group to beat. When he starts rampaging to kill the other survivors it is Jayhun who rushes to try to stop him by tackling him however he’s unable to move him. Mr. Kim threw him to the ground and then stomped on Hayhun’s head, crushing his skull. It takes the Tongue monster for Mr. Kim to finally be weakened enough for them to kill him. Jayhun’s death impacts the group but also mainly impacts Ji-su and Hyun both, however in the show they don’t really show it changing Hyun. I do appreciate the different take of this in the show, in fact I think that is one of the best scenes in the show. I also think Ji-su’s pain and anguish after was really well done. I’m fine with the debuffing of Mr. Kim but I do kind of wish he played a bit of a bigger part.

The live actions’ original creepy crawly monster I thought was a pretty decent design although some of the cgi for it is a bit of an eye twitch but again I can look past it. The monster itself resembled a spider, it uses webbing to capture and hold it’s victims.

The Slime monster I think was also another monster I like how the show did. It served its purpose well, and helped a bit show how some of the monsters aren’t necessarily as evil as the survivors may think.

Seok Kim monsterization form was awful, he just looked like a giant walking talking hairball. At first I didn’t know who it was, and I found it stupid Sun Ahn (Seon Ahn) knew it was him; like how do you tell from underneath all that hair? I’m glad they kept it the same and had his wife kill him. Also wish they showed more of him losing his mind and talking to his alter, as in the show he really turned out of nowhere, kinda odd.

(4) Military Subplot

I hate the military subplot, it’s such a stupid and overused trope especially with adaptions like this and honestly in never really works for it. The whole thing with the military knowing about this monsterization process before the initial outbreak and them trying to weaponize the ‘special infectees’ just really bogs down the story in my opinion. One of the reasons why I love and adore the comic is because it’s about a group of strangers, who don’t really know each other, trying to work together as a unit to survive. They have to learn how to use the materials around them and each other to fight off the monsters. Which they do in the show but when the show’s ‘criminals’ show up and they all have guns, it gets boring for me there (I’ll go into them later). The military subplot I know is setting the series up for a second season and probably will introduce other elements as well but ultimately it takes away what the comic had originally built; the suspenseful tension of being trapped in a building with people who could easily turn on you or turn into a monster and kill you.

(5)Characters and Relationships

Now let’s talk about characters and relationships. Brace yourself, this is going to be a long ride.

Hyun

Hyun was honestly I think is the worst adapted character in the show. The show felt like it dumbed down his character greatly. He’s the main character of the comics but the show treats him like a side character, especially at the beginning of it, as it tries to push some of the other character’s narratives first. From a creator’s standpoint I think it was a poor decision because I didn’t build up the same attachment to him when I had read the comic; most of the time he was on screen I completely didn’t care. The way the show portrays him is almost delicate since he’s pretty socially inept but the show makes him feel boring and plain by this fact. In no way am I saying he was a happier more confident person in the comic but the comic had clearly shown his character development and how his growing confidence pushed him to be a better person. The show however speeds past this process which again gives the audience no emotional attachment to the character. If there had been more scenes with him and his internal struggle, that were fleshed out it would have changed his character development immensely.

Because of how the show did him, he also ends up not making friends with some of the group members as he did in the comic, Ji-su being another one of the things that irked me about the show. Hyun’s and Ji-su’s growing relationship in the comic is a big reason for his character development. Ji-su pushes Hyun socially but also Hyun finds strength to stay human as long as possible and help others. Not to mention Ji-su is one of the few that actually cared for him when everyone was against him. In the show they barely have any interaction and Ji-su acts way more defensively around Hyun. I found it so awkward when Hyun lost control to kill the other half monster and Dusik, and she was talking about how she was glad Hyun wouldn’t have to remember all of that. I know the show was trying to show her caring side for him but ultimately it’s lost to me because they never built up a relationship between the two of them. Jayhun and Ji-su’s relationship completely overshadows anything they had tried to do with Ji-su and Hyun. Hyun and Eun’s relationship in the show is kind of mediocre and I don’t really care for it since Eun’s character is very annoying to me throughout most of the show. Hyun’s closest relationship in the show was with Du-sik and even still they didn’t really build up the relationship that much. They had a couple scenes here and there but they never really showed that connection that the two of them built in the comic.

Hyun’s quick flip into madness or his alter happened relatively fast and also it didn’t seem like he was fighting internally with himself much; again something I wish they went more in depth with, showing how strong Hyun’s character really is. Even with the flashbacks to his past, that they only used for a couple of episodes, they didn’t still do much to grow his character.

The show makes him a total blank slate and a completely flat character throughout the show. He never grows to really be much of a character and is definitely a weak spot in the show.

Ji-su

Ji-su gets a decent amount of focus and attention in the show but her character does seem to be different than her comic counterpart. I think they did a good job on showing the relationship between Jae-heon and Ji-su. I think they capitalized really well on showing that working relationship. I wished they showed more of the growing relationship rather than kinda taking Ji-su out of the game with both her having her first nosebleed and then having her bursting appendix problem. Which I don’t understand why they didn’t have her get hurt in the garage raid like in the comic? They could’ve kept the reasons the same to have the group attempt to go outside but instead they took her out, just to get the group to go out? I get maybe they were trying to ground the show in a bit more of reality by trying to show how no matter what situation anything is truly possible. Still however it kinda suck not seeing Ji-su in action

Another part I didn’t understand is Ji-su’s reaction to people around her turning into a monster. When Jae-heon and her come to Hyun’s rescue and find out he’s becoming a monster, she becomes aggro and tells Hyun that she’ll kill him. However later with Im Myung Sook (the lady with the dead baby girl) who she goes to check on after she watched her attack Protein, she seems so worried. Then when she sees the claws, she goes back to being aggressive and defensive towards her becoming a monster. It seemed odd to me because why was she so harsh with Hyun but then acts worried for a lady she’s seen get tossed by a giant monster? Did she really not think that she wasn’t becoming a monster after that? Those small little character decisions really threw me for a loop because I couldn’t wrap my head around how any other person who acts these two distinct ways to both people they don’t really know. Again I wish they also tried to pursue that relationship with her and Hyun. Overall her character is done pretty well in the show, I still enjoyed her character.

Jae-heon (Jayhun)

The show I think pretty much nails most of Jae-heon’s character. I think they honestly did a great job of adapting his character. Jae-heon’s character is definitely my second favorite, as I liked the way they built him up in the story. I did enjoy the way they killed him off the show, that noble sacrifice was very well suited for him.

Lee Eun-Hyeok(Hyuk)

Hyuk is the most comic accurate character for me and definitely was my favorite from the show. I think they did a great job establishing the coldness of his character but also growing to show his true caring side. One thing I don’t understand was the fact he decided to stay behind. I understand he was going back to see first if he could convince Hyun to go with the group but also that he was turning into a monster. The rest of the group knows Ji-su was becoming a monster, why did he not just go with them as well? I didn’t see the point of letting himself get crushed by rubble whenever the group is also escaping with another person who is turning. I know this is probably to set up Eun’s sort ‘redemption’ arc in the next season and also maybe he could potentially return if they decide to bring him back. Overall I think that they did his character justice for the most part of the show, he was really well done.

Lee Eun-Yu(Eun) Eun is a completely different character than her comic counterpart. She’s a total asshole throughout most of the show up until the last 2-3 episodes though until she finally decides to show an ounce of human emotion. Honestly I have no clue why they changed her character, it seemed like such a weird thing to do for this adaptation. Her character also stays pretty flat too which is seemingly funny because when she tries to do nice things, like comfort Ji-su after Jae-heon’s death, and explain her story of how she’s trying to repay her brother, it all fails to make me want to care for her. She was so aggressive from the jump and insanely rude to everyone. Usually the ‘take no shit’ kind of characters I do tend to enjoy, if done right they can be both badass, hilarious, and one of the greatest characters in any series. In this case however I just wanted her to stop being an ass to everyone. In the last few episodes, I see how they were really trying to show the change that was going to happen to her character but at that moment I couldn’t bring myself to even try to care really for her character. She’s definitely one of the worst adapted characters in the show.

Wook

Wook I feel is an entirely different mess than Eun. I get changing things to make certain, not as fleshed out characters who are prominent in series have more importance but honestly I found it interesting they made Wook one of those, because he has a perfectly fine backstory in the comic. In the show they call him a ‘gangster’ a lot (which happens in the comic) but unlike the comic they never state that he’s an ex-police officer. It seems that in the show he’s sort of like a private detective (if you wanna call it that). The show makes him seem like this cool and collected tough loner who kinda just takes everyone else’s orders. In the comic he’s more of a secondary leader for the group which would have been a good element to see in the show is him and Hyeok butting heads. His character seems almost pointless, as he’s really only there to also do the ‘heavy lifting’ (missions) with Hyun. His character was another sort of 180 from his comic counterpart. I found his character to mainly be comical because he was unbothered by everything; he just didn’t give a fuck.

Seo Yi-Kyung

I’m probably going to be the only one that says this but I did not care nor like her character. It’s because I hate the military subplot to this story and since that’s mainly where her story lies, I can’t honestly bring myself to like her. She’s too plot convenient and honestly I’m still trying to figure out what she’s going to gain when she finds her fiancé she knows was turning into a monster and apparently ‘changed’. I understand it’s probably closure but to go as far to sell out a child who you barely even know, to people you barely even know in hopes of maybe finding your fiancé, to only be again sad when you discover you aren’t going to be able to save him as he’s already a monster, I just don’t get it. It’s a very weak plot line in my opinion and again wish they didn’t add the military subplot. Her character too is another flat character, as she doesn’t go through much change only in changing her mind about selling out Hyun to the military when she realizes that it’s essentially not worth it.

Criminals The criminals are just basic, on their very copy pasted stereotypical villain shit that we must ‘kill all monsters’ but oops we accidentally invited a half monster into our group. They annoyed the shit out of me and angered me even more as they somehow collectively got more kills than the monsters in this show.

Jung Wooi-myung (the other half monster)

So from what I could tell Jung Wooi-myung is like this leech monster that didn’t die when Hyun stabbed him with his arm wing. He also probably infected Wook’s body in the end. He plays the generic role of convincing Hyun to join his side since people won’t ever accept monsters which is true. Ultimately didn’t even care for him.

(6) Hyun’s Monster Transformation

This needed to be its own category for the simple fact that the whole scene sequence was utterly atrocious. For starters why did there need to be a mini eclipse for Hyun to transform ONE arm into this barbed spiked wing? That seemed to be thrown in for aesthetic purposes more so than having an actual reason behind it, as this was something that did not happen in the comics. Hyun’s arms transformation just seemed so bizarre. I would have been perfectly fine if the show black veins rushing through his body and him being stronger because of it, sort of like how the comic does it. However this one arm wing just seems completely dumb to me. Why would you make it a barbed wing? Why not at that point do a blade arm or like something that’s also better at bludgeoning monsters with?

(7) Final Consensus

I had initially come into watching Sweet Home with low expectations as time has taught me before that things I want that get live action adaptations may not always be that good. I set the bar low in hopes that the show would do something ultimately to get me happy and excited for watching it. Sweet home never hit that spot for me though. As I was watching I began noticing how the pacing seemed to just go out of it’s way on some points and there were continuity errors staring me right in my face. The story didn’t captivate me like the comic did, not even in the slightest. I spent most of my time watching, laughing because of the absurdities and then pondering why certain events had gone down the way the show did them. I understand that with adaptations things may change but I feel like with the adaptation with Sweet Home it changed too many key elements of the main story that were important for making the story what it is. My rating for Sweet Home is a 1/10. This definitely is not something I would watch again.

#sweet home #sweet home netflix #just my opinion #there's more i could touch on but i seriously didn't want to write any more

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syndianites · 4 years

Text

The After; The Athar: Chapter One

Chapter 1/?

Chapter 1 [Here] - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5

AO3: This Chapter - Full Fic

Summary: Post Season 2, non-Mianitian Compliant. The crew finally land back into the world after the events of Ruxomar. That should be a good thing, right? But Wag is feeling the burden of everything that has happened to him, and he didn’t even get his magic back to boot.

It’s hard to be happy when life has been so shitty.

Relationships: Sparklington (end-game), Marthlington (temporarily), Sparkanite (Spark x Ianite) (past, mentioned), Motanite

Content Warnings: Death Mentions, Implied Depression, Implied PTSD, Self-Deprecation, Breaking up a Relationship (Marthlington)

AN: I’ve been working on this since September? of 2019! I have 5 chapters done and still going. I wanted to wait to post this until I was done with it, but my impatience has gotten the better of me.

@the-moon-pal I’m coming for your crown king >:)

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They’d made it home a couple weeks ago, to the land of Mianite. It’d been such a relief. They got to meet the rest of the alts, got to watch Dianite meet the other gods- and cringe at the tension that crackled between them- got to find all their homes again. For once, in the past-however-long, there was peace. They could relax.

So why did Wag feel like utter shit?

Right. Because he literally got the worst part of the deal.

He thought his powers would come back when they got home. And they did, for a few hours. Not the full range, but a lot of it. It felt good to be full of magic again. It felt like he was himself.

But then things started to fall apart. Martha grew distant. His powers fell away in fits and bursts. He realized that the rest of FyreUK had moved on after they made amends in Ruxomar. They found their way on. Without him.

Nothing was the same, he realized, as he spent more time around the place they had called ‘home.’

Spark had done what he did best: built a city. Well, more like a village. What had once been a place of buildings thrown about at random and mostly open plains was now sparsely populated. Neatly arranged shops and a few houses took up the space next to the beach. New people had even begun to show up.

Everything was changing around him, yet he was stuck holding onto the past. Holding onto his wizardhood, to his brotherhood, to a partner that was farther now than ever, and- worst of all- he was still holding onto the hope that everything would just… go back. To how it was.

To when he was important.

Well, like fuck is he was going to sit around and loathe his existence. He could at least try to do something. Swear to Athar, he wasn’t going to turn into a lump of depression just because he couldn’t handle change! He’d rather be a walking mass of depression! That way he could at least pretend he was being productive.

Potions or spellbooks? A question as old as time. Potions were a staple in his life. If there was one thing that would never leave him, it was his ability to make fucking potions. Like, fucking make potions. Not potions to help people fuck. On the other hand, the more he poured through spellbooks, the more likely he was to get closer to finding out how to get his powers back.

Maybe his powers left when FyreUK left, taking all the glory of Athar with it. But that was too terrible of a thought, so that got chucked in the ‘not-today-bitch’ bin. Which was a handy dandy mental bin that stored all of his worst problems.

He never could fit himself in it, though.

So potions it was.

Now that he was out of the business of magic, most of his money came from his potion making. He had made yet another little wizard- alchemist? Potion master?- tower. Plopped some advertisements in el Pueblo de Spark and took orders to pass the time. He had to fund his botany experiments somehow. Someone had to introduce weed into this world, that might as well be him.

If he was going down in history for something, that wasn’t ‘Word Renowned Wizard Extraordinaire’, then ‘The Guy who Made Weed’ would sure as hell work.

Wag pulled up his log of orders. Luck, luck, dexterity, healing, luck, love- yeah, those didn’t really work but he’d make it anyways-, strength, luck, yadda, yadda, yadda. Lots of luck. He could probably get away with making a batch or two of luck potions, then work through the rest.

He spared a glance outside. Spark’s little hut-square town was beginning to develop into a pleasant little fishing hole. Surprisingly- or not, given how deep the waters were nearby- the place was actually a fairly hot place for single fish to mingle. Warm waters, nice and deep, lots of cover, and not much human interference. Until now, anyway.

Either the fishermen were starting to get a fair amount of revenue going or they really needed help. Luck potions were among his most expensive. The ingredients were hard to acquire regardless of how you made it.

Rabbit’s foot? Morally and physically hard to get a hold of. Rainbow trout? Terribly rare. ‘Star-light Fruit’? Not even confirmed to exist.

His method was a little more straightforward. A butt load of four-leaf clovers, a tiny bit of alcohol, and a fuckton of glitter. Clovers for the magic, glitter for the look, and alcohol for the feeling of being lucky.

It was a very bullshit potion.

It took forever to find the clovers, let alone collect them.

Athar give him strength.

Giving one last look outside, he tucked his log book in his cloak. Then he went and rummaged through his chests.

Monotony here he comes.

~~~

Wag was halfway through his second batch of luck potions when a distant knock came from his door, followed by the sound of bells. If not for the bells he’d have ignored the knocking. With a stretch, he putzed down the stairs. The many flights of stairs.

He missed being able to make elevators.

Opening the door revealed one Mr. Sparklez, hair tousled but otherwise neatly groomed. He was relaxed, if not a little winded from his trek up the hill Wag claimed as his own.

Wag smiled. “Hey Sparklez, what brings you up to my tower of terror today? Here for a chat or a swanky danky potion?”

He gestured for Jordan to head inside and get comfortable, but the man waved him off. “Actually,” Jordan started, “I was wondering if you’d seen Martha? I needed to ask her something and I haven’t seen her all day. Figured she’d be with you.”

Ah, so Jordan wanted to find Martha.

Ouch.

Doing his best to ignore the squeeze in his chest, Wag kept his smile firmly in place. “No, I don’t think I have. She, uh.” He paused, going for a nonchalant shrug. “She doesn’t come around the tower all that often. I’d ask Spark instead. She tends to hang around him more. Her good ole pops and all, y’know. They do have a lot to catch up on.” Wag tried to ignore how weak his words sounded. He didn’t want it to sound weird that Martha wouldn’t come around, but instead he just sounded pathetic.

Great.

Jordan gave Wag an awkward smile, seemingly uncomfortable with the sad display. “Ah, alright. I’ll ask around for Spark.”

He turned to leave but caught himself before he was fully turned away. Jordan chewed on his words. “Are you-” His eyes swept over Wag. “How have you been? We don’t see you as much anymore. Other than Tom, I guess, but it's hard to get rid of Tom once he decides you’re friends, y’know?”

“I’ve been,” Wag wanted to laugh, but pushed through the sentence, “swell, thank you. I would get out more, but I’m always so busy potion making. Gotta pay the bills somehow.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue. It wasn’t the exact truth, but he did spend a lot of time on potions.

Letting his shoulders settle, Jordan gave a small laugh. “Who would press a wizard to pay bills? Someone who wants to catch on fire, I’m sure.” He opted for a friendly smile. “If you ever want to hang out or something, let me know. I’ve been getting kind of bored between Spark telling me how to be a better champion of Ianite and living in an actual, peaceful society.”

Wag waved after Jordan as he began his descent. Yeah, a wizard. A frown tugged at his face while he shut the door.

A real fucking wizard.

~~~

Making potions was rather methodical. Each step took a certain amount of time, each item had certain effects, meshed certain ways with other items. It was like following a recipe, but with bigger consequences for messing up. Cooler results, though.

Wag had just finished melting down the clovers he’d gathered and extracting the essence- which is to say he lit it on fire after sprinkling a generous amount of blaze powder on it- when Jordan had stopped by. Which was convenient, since he needed to wait for the weird half-liquid half-slime to cool off enough to move it. The awkward potions, glitter, and alcohol were already prepped. Now all he needed to do was mix shit together.

Oh joy.

At the very least, it was satisfying to roll the clover essence into little balls to plop into an awkward potion and then watch them dissolve. The clover gave the essence a natural, healthy green color while the blaze powder, which clung to even the most thoroughly washed slime, gave it something of a yellow highlight. Golden glitter gets dumped in to make it feel like you were about to drink something special. Yes, the glitter was edible. No, most people didn’t realize he put glitter in this shit. Then the alcohol was for that background buzz. It was meant to dull the senses just enough to trick people into believing, wholeheartedly, in whatever god-forsaken abomination he just made.

Sorry. What ever divinely crafted, totally safe potion he’d just made.

Sure, he didn’t test it himself, but it seemed to work well enough for the people he gave it to. So where was the harm?

It was fine.

The next part was perhaps the most boring. And he’d spent all day yesterday crawling on the ground looking for four-leaf clovers.

Tagging and packaging. Writing names on slips of paper, tying them to the potion, putting it in a small, padded box to prevent any breaks. Rinse, repeat. It was annoying, wasted money, all that jazz, but it helped the look. Who wants to be handed a regular old potion, by hand, when you can get it in some majestic looking box to really add some sparkle to your magic?

Maybe Ruxomar rubbed off on him in a bad way.

In any case, the look was important, and by Athar was he going to make it look fucking fantastic.

Unfortunately, this task was also terribly, horribly monotonous. Worse yet, it left room for thinking. And thinking was Wag’s least favorite pastime since floating in the Void. Especially since floating in the Void.

It lead to him thinking deeply about himself and Athar knows that most of his life problems could be traced right back to that. His mistakes, his fuck ups, his shortcomings, all of it came back to him thinking way too hard about himself.

Gross.

Instead, he tried to run over potion recipes in his mind. Or any recipe, really. All the different ways to make a fire resistance potion when you don’t have magma cream. Counting how many potions used lemongrass. Figuring out what potions would make it more likely to catch fish. Literally anything. As long as it was potions, it was fine.

Not about himself, not about Athar, not about wizards, and not about… Martha.

Yeah, that last one would be a one hit k-o.

But now that his mind had touched on the subject, it dug in. Sunk it's claws into the delicate stability of his mind. Dramatic, he knows, but that’s how it felt. It was like the more he tried to get the thought out of his mind, the further it burrowed into him. Awful, painful, and not even worth the effort.

Martha… clearly didn’t care about him anymore. Or, well. He winced at the thought. She didn’t love him like she used to. If she, uh. Did in the first place. But this was old news. This was something he pondered after she seemed to avoid him like the plague, seemed to grimace when she looked over and saw him and not him.

Steve.

The name sat heavy in his head. They hadn’t meshed well, ‘specially where Martha was concerned. But they managed, for her, because they loved her.

Wag felt guilty, looking back on it now. For stealing their time together, for messing with their relationship. They hadn’t gotten to be together enough, had lost too much time before-

Yeah, he didn’t like thinking about Steve more than he didn’t like thinking about Martha. Wag didn’t feel like he deserved to think the name, let alone put himself up against his image. Steve was a hero. He rebelled against Helgrind in a cunning, intelligent way, he was selfless in more aspects than any of the heroes that appeared in Ruxomar, and he was the one to sacrifice the most. To sacrifice it all.

Where did Wag stand against that?

Honestly, it was no wonder Martha couldn’t stand to look at him. He was just a reminder of Steve, a reminder that she didn’t have Steve. That she had him instead.

Had she ever loved him?

That wasn’t the point. The point was that Martha was hurting, trying to pick up the pieces of what she left behind in Ruxomar. What she had lost. And Wag wasn’t doing anything to help. He was stuck up in his tower, making potions, trying to forget about everything that he wasn’t.

He should try to look for her.

But the last time he did, he got turned away. She was “catching up with her father.” She was “busy settling into the new world.” She was “trying to get a grip on her new goddesshood.”

Wag was persistent, but even he could get the hint.

By Athar, he got the hint. “I don’t want to see you.” “Don’t come near me.” “You can’t help me.”

He wondered if Spark was doing anything to help her or if he was also caught up in everything that had happened. From what he had learned about the man in Ruxomar, he was devoted to his wife. No, he gave everything for his wife. Learning she was dead after working up everything to see her again?

He had played it well. When he heard the news, Spark kept strong, only letting his tears show. If he had gone home later after parting with Martha, who had her own grief and guilt, crumbling on the inside no one would know. And if he had locked himself away and let everything loose, let himself break, none would be the wiser. But they could guess, they could give him a passing glance, a thoughtful frown.

Wag wondered if he still carried that grief around with him.

Spark had taken to trying to discipline Jordan to be a better champion of Ianite. It had made the man uncomfortable with getting told he could be a better follower and all. Or rather, having it implied that he wasn’t the best follower. Spark was stubborn in ‘training’ the champion of Ianite to be a full fledged follower.

Still, Jordan didn’t appreciate the sentiment.

Wag understood. Having the husband of the very goddess you watched die get on your case about being a better follower? When the crushing weight of guilt hadn’t fully let off your shoulders? He wondered if Spark hadn’t taken to coaching Jordan to make himself feel better, to remind himself that he would have kept Ianite safe, that he would have fixed the world before it broke out from under them.

It sounded like torture.

But it helped settle Wag. Call him selfish, but he felt better knowing other people had real problems, real grief, to deal with. Sure, Wag had his hang up with Martha. Yeah, he had his issues with being-a-wizard-yet-not. But he wasn’t as close to neck deep as Spark was. Like Martha was.

He wished belittling his problems made them feel less suffocating.

Martha. Martha was still pushing him away. And he was letting her. What did that say about him? About their relationship?

A sigh heaved out of his chest. It was like someone stuck a large rock right in his rib cage, tucked neatly between his lungs. Hard, heavy, and an all around burden. Potions. He needed to think about potions.

His hands betrayed him with a subtle shake. How many names did he have left to write? How many boxes did he have left to pack? Fuck if he knew. He had to keep counting, to find a way to wrap up all his issues, his panic, his fear, into a nice little package and tuck it away like a forgotten gift.

Athar help me, Wag tried to control his thoughts, I might drive myself insane by the end of the year.

As if on cue, another knock at his door broke his thoughts. He tried not to feel relieved to rush away from his potion packaging. He was fine, cool as a cucumber.

Throwing open the door, he came face to face with his second visitor of the day. Tom.

Tom was standing in front of his door almost uncertainly, like he wasn’t quite sure why or how he got there. He took one sweep over Wag’s unhidden face and a determined, focus look set in on his own.

“We,” Tom looped his arm around Wag’s in a sudden movement, “are going out somewhere. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.”

Eyebrows shooting up, Wag let himself be dragged from his house with an aborted motion to close the door behind him. He mournfully watched his door stay ajar. Hopefully no one else ventured up the hill today, otherwise he might be down a few potions.

“Why?” Wag turned his attention back to Tom, who was resolute in his intention of pulling Wag away to Athar knows where.

A grin was shot in his direction. “You look like you need to get out of the house. Also, I’m real fuckin’ bored and you’re clearly in need of some company.”

A wry smile snuck on Wag’s face. “Oh lucky me. We should get some tea, live up to our trademark.”

Tom nodded. “Absolutely. Let’s hit town. Fuck it up. Flaunt our hero-ness and get shit faced.”

“Let’s not get shit faced, and especially not get kicked out of town for making a ruckus.” Wag fondly rolled his eyes. “I do quite like living here and it’d be a shame to have to follow you around to make sure you don’t die.”

Tom gave a mocked offended gasp, free hand coming up to his forehead as he leaned away. “How dare you! I’ll have you know I’d never die if I didn’t live in a community. I’m a rogue, don’t you know.” He sniffed. “I can easily hold my own in the dangerous wilds.”

“Without anyone to pester and annoy?”

“I can pester anything!”

Wag bit his lip to stop a laugh. Tom always brought such energy with him. It was refreshing. Maybe he was right, he just needed some company.

He wouldn’t say that to his face, though.

“I suppose so,” Wag continued, “You are rather persistent. I bet you could annoy the sun into setting early.”

“Nah, I’d blow that fucker up instead.” Tom winked, snuggled back up to Wag, effectively trapping his arm. “I still think we should get shit faced. Drink our sorrows into the drain, throw them up another day.”

Wag mock gagged. “I’d rather keep them down the drain, thank you. Besides, what a waste of alcohol. If I’m drinking, I’m drinking to keep it down. Not!” He quickly cut Tom off, “That I want to go out drinking.” He eyed the sky, giving a disapproving look to Tom when he saw that it was still early afternoon. “No one should be getting drunk before the sun touches the horizon.”

With a pout, Tom leaned into Wag’s side. “Lame. I suppose,” he drew out the word, “we could go get some good old fashioned tea. Call it a pre-game without the game.”

Wag rolled his eyes. He wasn’t looking to out game his issues. That wasn’t a solution. It’d just make him turn into a sad drunk and give him a headache in the morning.

This is why he needed weed back.

But also, he didn’t want to develop another problem. Gotta keep it clean. For now.

Tom still had his own plans, alcohol or no alcohol. “I find when I’m feeling down that doing something batshit stupid makes me feel better. We should go fishing with our bare hands- no, with only our teeth- and no shirt on. Attract ladies and gents to us alike. Are they looking at our finely chiseled chests or our daring courage? Who’s to say.”

“You are far from chiseled my friend. Try soft.” Wag poked Tom in the stomach jokingly. “And who said that I’m feeling down?”

“Hey!” Tom swatted his hand away. “I’ll have you know I’m more ripped than you’ll ever be!” He huffed, squeezing Wag’s arm. They walked in silence for a moment, now upon the town. After wandering the street for a second, Tom spoke again, quieter. “I had this feeling.” Wag eyes him. “It was weird. My gut was telling me to check in on you. And then when you opened the door it was written on your face. Even I’m not dumb enough to miss that.”

Wag heard the unspoken I was worried carried in Tom’s words. Talk about soft. He squeezed Tom’s arm back. “Oh wow, a gut feeling?” He teased lightly, “I think it was just you missing my magical presence. It is hard to go too long without seeing me.” If only that were true. “But I’m here now, and we can go do something absolutely stupid, just for you.”

They share a smile, a quiet thank you floating between them.

Tom gets a glint in his eyes. “Does this mean we can go catch fish with our bare hands?”

“I suppose so.” Wag drawled. “How else are we going to show off our toned figures?”

That got him a laugh, one concerningly maniacal, and he was dragged between houses.

Yeah, he might regret this.

Tom turned and gave him a smile that was all teeth and no common sense. He paused next to the shore, a little ways off from the docks. Shucking his clothes, one Tom Syndicate stood proudly in his underwear, unconcerned about the effect of sunlight on zombified skin. People gave them a look of distaste.

Oh, he was definitely going to regret this.

~~~

Soggy was one way to describe how Wag felt. Wet as shit was another. All in all, he was rather pleased with himself and the rather large, shiny fish sitting in his lap. The fish which so happened to be a fair amount larger than Tom’s.

“Oh fuck you.” Tom spluttered around a mouthful of fish, laying down an arm’s length away. He had gathered quite an amount of fish, a solid number for catching something with your mouth alone. None of them were that large. In fact, most were an average, if not slightly below, size.

Wag eyed the pile smugly. He may have only caught two, but damn if he didn’t go big.

“Well, it seems that I’ve caught myself a winner.” He tried not to look too pleased. The look on Tom’s face told him he failed.

Tom scoffed, letting the fish fall to the sandy floor with a wet fwop. “You got lucky! Clearly, quantity wins the game here. Sure, you caught one big, old, dumb motherfucker, but I caught a dozen other dumbass fish! I should get the win.”

“Wasn’t size the goal here?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think you do.”

Before Tom could fire back, a voice from behind interrupted him. “I think the two fools sitting in their underwear soaked to the bone are both losers.”

Wag tilted his head back to see Tucker standing with his hands in his pockets, back slouched, and an easy smile on his face, standing just where the sand turned to grass. Next to him was one lovely fox lady, Sonja herself, and one Sparkle butt, Jordan.

Nice to see the gang all here.

Tom sat up. “How dare you! I’ll have you know we are the best fishers on the island!”

Tucker raised a single eyebrow. “Really now? Are all the other fishers out at sea today?”

“Well excuse you, Mr. Boner. I’ll have you know we caught all of this,” Tom sweeps his arm across their score. “And I think that’s quite the haul.”

“How long did it take you?”

“Fuck you.”

Tucker snickered, moving closer to poke his foot into Tom’s side. “That’s what I thought.”

Wag, meanwhile, was carefully moving his prize to the side so he could stand up. Brushing the sand off himself, he exchanged a smile with Sonja and a nod with Jordan. Sonja gave him a good natured headshake. “And here I thought you were smarter than this.”

Jordan’s eyes trailed down Wag’s chest before flittering away. “Right down to your boxers? Tom must have gotten you good.”

“Well, I was fairly set on getting a nice cup of tea and walking across the beach, hand in hand like real lovers, but Tom was far more intent to go all macho and catch fish with his mouth alone.” Wag leaned in with a hand against his mouth to give a stage whisper. “Between you and me, I think he’s trying to step up his oral game.” He winked.

Jordan groaned, giving Wag what he thought to be a rather dramatic eye roll. That wasn’t even the worst he had to offer, and he’d given him such an easy setup! Sonja waggled her eyebrows and giggled when Tom butted in. “It’ll never be as good as yours dear.” He batted his eyelashes mock innocently.

The group burst into laughter. Tucker stepped closer, swinging an arm around his vaguely damp shoulders. “Hey, it’s nice to see you out and about man. It’s been a hot second. Almost thought you’d drank the wrong potion and kicked it or something.”

Wag nodded seriously. “Quite the real possibility. Why, just yesterday I almost drank real glitter! The kind you’re not supposed to eat.”

“Been there,” Sonja added, “I thought I was going to die when I did. Just gave me a very colorful trip to the bathroom.”

Tom grinned as he moved to elbow Jordan in the side. “I bet our good ole Captain here wouldn’t know the difference. How else did he get his namesake, right Mr. Sparkley Butt?”

“Hardy har,” Jordan gave Tom a fondly disgusted look. “The name’s Captain Sparklez, that ‘namesake’ came from you giving me a stupid nickname.”

They fell into more chatter, giving Tom and Wag the time to put their clothes back on, Tom not caring that he was still wet as he put his suit back on, while Wag just slung his cloak over himself. No point in putting pants on over wet underwear.

The group, all now clothed to some extent, began to wander back towards town. Wag was more than content to listen to Tom ramble on. He would get interrupted by Tucker when he said something ‘incredibly stupid’ and, more rarely, by Jordan, who would correct some technical thing that Tom clearly did not give a shit about.

Sonja drifted next to him, giving Wag a conspiratorial smile. “You’re looking mighty fine in just a robe and boxers. Is this the bedroom Wag special? Or is that sans boxers?”

“The bedroom Wag special is whatever you want it to be.” He winked. “It’s magic all around.”

They exchanged a laugh, falling silent again.

Wag knew that wasn’t what Sonja really wanted to talk about.

She looked back at him, a warm look in her eyes. “It’s nice. To see you out. Been a while, y’know?” Sonja stretched her arms out in front of her. “It really has been a bit since we’ve talked. And since you’ve left the house. But honestly?” Her tail swishes behind her. “I could have made a few more treks up that damn mountain myself.”

Shaking his head, Wag elbowed her side lightly. “It is a fairly tall hill, but I think mountain is a bit of an overstatement.” It was, in fact, a bitch of a climb, but Wag didn’t think it was that bad. He’d put the tower just on the other side of the Glowstone Forest, across from the Priest’s house. (What was it called again? Forest of the Void? Abyss Forest? Obsidian Trees? Yeah, he didn’t know or care).

Left unsaid was a ‘That’s okay, you don’t have to go out of your way’.

He received an eye roll. “Please, the only trek worse than that is up to where Tucker’s first house was. I was so happy when we moved it down the mountain. Well, into.”

It’s no trouble, her words left hanging, I don’t mind.

Wag huffed. How dare she be considerate. “You know what’s worse than a trek up a mountain? A trek up a mountain to get some rare flower, only to be spited by the universe and have not a single flower growing up there. Honestly, I could use some help from someone so used to climbing mountains.” A smirk pulled at his face. “Or maybe just send someone up there for me.”

We could always hang out when I’m playing master botanist. If you’d like.

Sonja smiled at him, but couldn’t resist getting a dig in. “Aw, did you skip leg day? Have some chicken legs over there? That’s alright, I’m sure someone,” she tilts her head, eyes sweeping past the buildings around them, “would be willing. Get a nice little lackey so you can rest your old bones at home and complain about how the cold makes your joints stiff.”

“How dare you,” Wag sniffed, hand held up to his heart. “I’ll have you know, my joints are just fine in the cold! Some of us just aren’t made of the cold, little miss fox.”

Sonja, ever so mature, stuck her tongue out at him.

They kept up some conversation, occasionally stopping to listen in to whatever Tom was saying. Wag, for a moment, realized that he had missed this. Missed them. That even though he wanted to avoid all the new things in this world, he’d always have his friends.

A quiet, hopeless voice asked if they’d leave him too.

~~~

There was nothing quite like hiking up a hill, in only your boxers, a little buzzed, during the night time. The pure amount of skeletons that had sniffed around looking for a cheap shot alone was bad enough, but the fact that his legs already hurt from struggling to fish with just his mouth without drowning? Yeah, it felt more like he was climbing up a mountain that was near vertical.

Fuck gravity.

A pit of warmth had settled in his chest a couple hours ago. Whether it was the alcohol that Tucker, of all people, had got the group into drinking or just the effect of being with friends for a while, Wag felt content. Not a common feeling in recent times. It was nice.

Really nice.

Upon reaching his door, his mind scrambled to figure out why it was left slightly open. He shrugged. As long as nothing was missing or stolen, he didn’t really care.

He made his way inside- making sure to actually close the door behind him- and wandered over to the stairs. Ah, his mortal enemy. Between being a wizard way back when and the magic rampant in Ruxomar, he had gotten way too used to avoiding stairs. Now it was a chore to move up and down the tower. But his bed was upstairs and he was not sleeping on the crappy couch he shoved into the lobby for guests or customers again.

So stairs it was.

By the time he got halfway up the stairs, he wanted to quit. Why, in Athar’s name, did he put his room on the third highest level? Stupidity, that’s why. The view was so not worth it.

When he actually made it up to the correct floor, he pushed the door to his room open, chucked his clothes to one side, and collapsed in bed. Now this, this was worth it. Soft, plush, warm, and very much without skeletons.

The less arrows being shot at him the better.

A soft chuckle caught his attention. Or rather, killed the peace he had wrapped around himself mere hours earlier.

He didn’t move. Not because he was scared. No, he knew who was in his room. He just wanted to pretend, for a moment, like this was something he was used to.

Like coming home to his lover being home wouldn’t surprise him.

The bed dipped beside him and his robed and boxer-ed glory. A hand ran through his hair. Wag tried not to tense.

“Seems like you had a good night out.” Her voice was like silk, soft and pleasant on his ears. “Hopefully they didn’t hassle you too much.”

Wag breathed. His chest was tight, emotion punching at his ribs. “Yeah,” he said, “It was nice to have some time with them again.”

All of this felt so forgein, now. To have her here. Was she here? Or did he drink more than he had originally thought. Shit.

Martha scratched his head. “I do have to say, I’m surprised that you actually left the tower. You’ve been holed up here for so long I thought I’d have to drag you out.” He could hear the smile in her voice. Or maybe he was imagining it. His head was a mess and he wasn’t quite sure what he was making up and what was real.

It was kind of pathetic.

He laughed. “Yeah, Tom showed up and dragged me out. Not complaining though, I had a lot of fun. It was nice to take off from work. Making potions gets boring.”

So did sitting in your own depressing thoughts, but that was more exhausting than boring.

“Oh,” Wag turned his head to face Martha, looking up at her. The darkness made her hair stand out. It looked like a halo around her face, bringing out her lovely lilac eyes. She was just as beautiful as the last time he’d seen her. But there was something heavy in her eyes that she tried to wipe away when his own reached her. “Jordan was looking for you earlier. Did he ever find you?”

Martha blinked and the heaviness was gone. Ish. He knew it was there. Somewhere.

“Ah, no.” She frowned. “I’ll have to see what he needs tomorrow.”

He nodded. To be honest, Wag wasn’t convinced Martha was actually sitting here with him. Which was kind of sad. Very sad.

“I can come with, if you’d like,” Wag rushed out, trying not to sound desperate. “We haven’t had much time together, which is understandable with your dad being around and all the stuff you need to do. And, y’know, it’d be nice to walk with you for a bit.”

Oh, he sounded so desperate.

Yikes.

A smile graced Martha’s lips. “Sure, I’d love that.” Wag let out a breath. “We’ll take a stroll, get a nice scenic view of the beach as we go, call it a date-” She cut off. The heaviness came back to her eyes. Wag knew what she was thinking. Who she was thinking about.

It hurt.

“I’m going to go take a shower before getting ready for bed. You can go ahead and sleep, if you’d like. I know you’ve had a long day and you’re probably tired. Don’t force yourself for me.” Martha stood as she said this, fingers trailing in his hair. Then she left.

Reluctantly, Wag got up to do just that. Changed his boxers and hung up his cloak. Buried himself back into bed, under the covers.

Yeah. It’d be a date.

~~~

Martha didn’t like to get up early. Neither did Wag. Normally, this lead to them sleepily cuddling until one felt so inspired as to get up. Normally.

Ever since the group returned to the land of Mianite, Martha didn’t sleep as well. Between nightmares, being a fledgling goddess, and the… absence of certain people, she found herself waking earlier and earlier.

Wag had his fair share of sleep troubles. Where sleep troubles stopped Martha from sleeping as much, it led to Wag sleeping more. The less he slept the more exhausted he was. The more exhausted he was the more he slept. It was a vicious cycle and actually the reason Wag didn’t leave the house as much.

Nonetheless, both found themselves getting ready to leave just after dawn. Martha moved like last night didn’t end awkward and uncomfortable. Bright, cheerful, and painfully affectionate with Wag. Like she hadn’t been avoiding him for the better part of their stay here.

The worst part was that this wasn’t the first time she came back like nothing was wrong. It was almost like she could tell when he was starting to doubt their relationship. Except, he was constantly doubting their relationship. Even when things had been going well. But this time, it was like she knew when he was thinking about how much of a relationship they didn’t have.

Which was concerning if she actually knew what he thought.

Wag, on the other hand, moved like a zombie. Tired, groggy, and barely awake. The picture of early morning beauty. It wasn’t far off from how he used to act, but now it was like someone had chained weights to his feet.

Damn, he was tired as shit.

Martha had set about making some breakfast from the little food he had. Some eggs, some- thankfully not spoiled- fruit, and milk. Wag was pretty sure he didn’t have milk, but he wasn’t going to question it. She was the more magical of the two, now, so it was within reason that she could get milk in the few minutes he’d lagged behind her in getting out of bed.

He, on the other hand, was on the task of making coffee. Coffee was something of a luxury here, since it was so new to the land. It wasn’t grown naturally on the island and Wag wasn’t sure if it was imported from some far off place or if it had been introduced by the earlier dimension hoppers that still hung around. Spark, for sure, seemed to run on the stuff.

That didn’t really matter to Wag, though. He had a plant of it in his garden, for ease of access, but more importantly to see if it could be used to help crossbreed weed into existence. No far off land had procured the plant yet, so he would still strive to be the maker of weed.

Not the best plan in the world, but that wouldn’t matter once he actually made the plant.

He really shouldn’t be encouraging substance abuse.

Surely, coffee would wake him up. Then he could go on a walk with Martha and do that thing they seemed to do where they avoided those topics and pretended like everything was fine. And maybe, just maybe, they’d enjoy the conversation. Maybe they’d feel something again, feel whole for the brief moment where they let themselves forget about the person who was missing, the person that clearly held more place in Martha’s heart for it to have torn so much when he-

Maybe Wag would get his shit together and let things die between them.

Maybe he’d decide that fighting an uphill battle wasn’t worth it.

For now, though, he was content to pretend things were the same. It was better than being entirely, wholly alone. And, deep in his heart, he still loved her. So, so much.

Enough that he knew it would hurt no matter what he did.

They chatted over the food Martha cooked. She complemented his coffee, the beans from the plant he owned, and he told her that the cooking is just as good as it’d always been.

Neither mentioned that it was usually Steve, not either of them, that did the cooking.

They tossed little affections at each other with ease. Like it was second nature. A brush of hands, a quick smile, a peck on the cheek. It was like a dance. As though they were trying to make a show of how much they still cared, how much nothing had changed despite the fact that everything had changed.

Hands loosely held together, they left the house as a unit, holding up a conversation with ease. If either of them tripped up in their speech as they avoided that topic or this word, neither called each other out for it. For all that everything was off and wrong, they made it work. They found a way to shove a cube into a round hole.

Whether it was because they wanted it to work so bad or because the hole was a giant chasm with space for miles was up to debate.

The beach was calm in the early morning. Fishers were stocking up their ships to start up on their daily trip, tightening a rope here, making space there. Few people walked about the town, the kids either asleep or getting hassled to eat breakfast. With so few people out, it felt like they were on the outskirts of life, just the two of them. Like viewing the world through a painting.

That illusion was helped by the sheer height of Jordan’s tree. It was still there, despite the damage it had received when Tom got to it. If he looked closely, Wag could see the remains of burn marks and grooves held in the thick bark. He had heard that, after the heroes had left, Ianite had nursed the tree back to life in honor of her lost champion.

He ignored the fact that Ianite had sent them into the void in the first place.

Wag himself had left before that, called on to help the heroes that he had watched over as a distant wizard. Even now, he wondered if it had been worth it. To lose everything because he was asked to. In his weakest moments, he wondered if it hadn’t been the gods’ way of throwing him out.

That thought hurt the most out of everything in his life and he never let it linger.

It wasn’t long before they made it to the base of the hill that Jordan’s tree- sorry, Jerry’s Tree- sat beside. They weren’t that close to getting inside yet, but it was a milestone.

As they climbed the hill, massive roots stretching out below them, Wag started up some conversation about the different species of trees. He never once mentioned apple trees. It was part of his botany, after all, and important to keep track of. The types of trees, not apple trees. Apple trees were just one of those topics and therefore something they made an unspoken agreement not to talk about.

He pondered, during his ramble, that Martha could have just flown up the tree. She could do that, after all. Wag couldn’t. Not anymore. The worst part was that he’d help build this tree, or, well, make it. Way back then. That was a sore spot to think about, but even still he was in awe of the tree. Not because of the fact that he's contributed to it- no, he had felt a sense of pride for that a long time ago. Rather, because of how it’d regrown.

Ianite’s gentle hand had turned it from merely a large, enchanting tree to a behemoth of divine wonder. Its branches had spread further, with more room between them and the tips reaching towards the heavens. The leaves had shaped up and gotten fuller, surely the size of a full-grown adult by now. Fireflies could be seen lazily hovering about clusters of leaves, giving the tree a pleasant, natural lighting.

Many more platforms and walkways had been built, new buildings having been added on top of that. They stretched from one end to the other. The most daring teased the edge of a branch, hung firmly along the length of it. The walkways were either long rope bridges made of braided vines that shimmered a faint purple or ramps made and reinforced by the same wood the tree was made of, the bottom featuring fancy swirls alongside the support beams.

Other vines, flora, and bushes lined the branches and platforms. Though they looked like they were leeching off the tree at first, a closer inspection- granted you were on the tree to get an inspection- showed they were delicately wrapped around the branches and sneakily planted in hidden pots for a more natural look. The flowers ranged from all sorts of purples- fitting. Buddleias enclosed doorways, Hyacinthus were wound along lanterns strung along pathways, and an abundance of Jacaranda could be found wherever space was made for flora.

The more he looked the more nature there was to see, the more connecting walkways there were strung along, the more everything there was. It felt like the whole world was home under the canopy.

The tree had gone from the house of a solitary man to a city of nature.

It didn’t feel like the same tree.

Wag pushed aside the nagging thought that it was better than anything he could have ever made. Ianite was a full fledged goddess, Wag was- had been- a mere wizard with the idea of godhood in his head. What he made had been incredible for mortal standards, and was still incredible for the standards he had held himself to. It would do no good to compare himself to Ianite, especially when all she had done was repair what was already there.

As they made their way up to the crest of the hill, following the path from the town to the tree as it curled around Jordan’s old home, Wag spared a glance at the birch and quartz house. It was simple, sleek and minimal. It suited Jordan. Of course, Jordan himself had made it, so why wouldn’t it?

Compared to Jerry’s Tree, though, it seemed rather dull and insignificant.

Actually.

Wag spared a closer look at the smaller home. It looked lived in. A frown pulled at his lips. Was someone living there? Who else, other than Jordan, would?

Martha had picked up the conversation now, adding in details about trees that she had seen in her travels long ago, ones he’d never have had the chance to see. There were many interesting species, some magical in the same sense as Silverwoods, some as plain as a simple oak tree, but all more than enough to satiate Wag’s desire to know more. His mind kept getting pulled back to the Casa de Sparklez, though.

A thought struck him, one he’d had just moments before.

Jerry’s Tree looked and felt so different, now that Ianite had tended to it. Like it was a different tree. Did Jordan think the same? Did it feel less like home, after being away for so long and having watched it burn?

Was Jordan living in his older house because the tree felt so forgein?

Martha was going on about a beautiful tree known for the lights its seeds shone, especially during the night hours. It really sounded like a sight to behold. More than that, the gentle, awed look on Martha’s face pulled at Wag’s heart.

Take care of her.

There was a sour taste in his mouth. Wag decided not to mention what he had just noticed. That was Jordan’s business, not his.

Martha was looking at him now, a small, shy smile on her lips. Wag felt like if he said the wrong thing it’d disappear in an instant. Like Martha was used to having her interests pushed aside, or used to pushing them aside herself when people didn’t seem to care about what she was saying.

Take care of her.

He offered a smile back, a genuine one. He really did love her. More than anything, he wanted to keep loving her. But something told him it wouldn’t work. That what they had had started to decay sometime around the end of Ruxomar, around when he left.

No, around when Martha almost became Mrs. a instead of a Ms.

Bitterness clutched at Wag’s heart. For all the love he held for her, he wondered, again and again, if she held the same. If she ever held the same, if she even held something close to the same.

Take care of her.

Looking up at Jerry’s Tree, Wag remembered what it used to be. He remembered watching it burn, the pain he had felt in seeing his hard work get tarnished, in seeing a friend’s home wither away.

Now, though, it was different. Not quite a home, anymore, but reborn. Alive. And maybe, in the future, it’d be a home again, or maybe not. Maybe it needed to burn for it to become what it was now. Jordan would have never built it up to this, but Ianite had.

Maybe that was the secret, Wag pondered. Maybe you had to let things burn to be able to build them up stronger.

He looked at Martha again, at the softness in her face and the hardness in her eyes. His heart pulled in so many directions. Love, anguish, love, despair, love, hurt, love love love.

Yeah, he was going to have to let this relationship burn.

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polandspringz · 4 years

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Director’s Cut of My Fic “I’d Rather Be Dry” Part 2 (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3 was probably the most painful chapter of a fic I’ve ever had to write, and not because I was sad writing the sad scenes. No, this fic was physically painful to write because it took 3 days and I was struggling to sit down and write it the entire time because even though I had the whole thing planned out, I just felt like I was dragging through it and eventually had to change some things to speed it up a bit. Still, it ended up being the longest chapter because I had to tie up so many loose ends! Luckily for me, my beta-reader @primal-shitposts read it through for me again, so I didn’t have to suffer again!!! If you want to support not only me but my beta-reader who makes sure my fic lacks grammar errors (and also gives you this great commentary on these types of posts), please go to their art blog @primal-interstellar and give their artwork some love!!! They deserve it after slogging through this mess of a fic for a game they don’t even play.

Since there are a lot of funny quotes from this proof-read, I’ll post them all under read more. Beta-reader (Primal) is in pink. If you see blue text, that’s me typing stuff in frantically before she skipped to the next line:

I actually originally wrote the opening scene with Satan in a lot more detail. It dropped us in the present where he was in the office, and Diavolo and everyone was just looking on as he slowly ran out of energy. But, I got about 3 pages in and realized it was dragging and so I cut it and swapped it for a flashback on the walk home.

While I intended for this to be a much more dramatic anime scene of Satan just silent as he ran out of steam and could barely move his arms save for slapping the guy, I love this interpretation.

I CAN’T EXPLAIN WHY BUT THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST COMMENT IN THE DOCUMENT. NOTHING TOPPED THIS. I DON’T UNDERSTAND BUT IT’S SO OUT OF LEFT FIELD IT HAD ME DYING

Primal knows about Lucifer birthing Satan because the moment I started playing the game I made her watch a crack video with me that mentioned it. Although I know she likes Leviathan cause sea monsters, I’m convinced Satan might be one of her favorites. On a side note, writing dialogue for Satan is very hard because he is very proper but when he snaps, I always feel unsure of whether it sounds believable or just like a string of curses that a twelve year old would think sounds cool. 😎 I do like the father/son dynamic Lucifer and Satan hint at though (and from what I hear the new lessons might be adding on to that? oWO)

I honestly don’t know how the demons who attacked MC aren’t dead yet. They’re basically disfigured and then Satan just doubled the damage and then tripled it in the council room this chapter. Somehow they’re not dead though! I wonder what MC will have to say about their punishment...

QUICK, SOMEONE DRAW SATAN WITH THE CRAFTING TABLE STARING AT THE DOOR WHILE THE EQUATIONS FLY BY HIS HEAD

I did choose the “yes” option when Beel asked to eat me in the animal event. It was not because of vore though, but I do make many vore jokes. I could imagine MC being forced to explain vore to Lucifer (or all the brothers) after making a joke and them being confused. Writing Beel’s breakdown this chapter wasn’t initially planned, and it was sort of what really started to make writing this fic slow down because as you might notice throughout the fic, I suddenly felt the need to give every brother an equal amount of screen time which sort of led to me RUNNING OUT OF VERBS for how to make each breakdown unique.

Okay, so the next part. I was actively seeing the comments as they popped up, but there was a delay with the comment box on the side appearing before the actual comments in the text. So, I saw this:

And had two seconds to go “Oh no” before this was added:

From here on it was chaos.

Listen, the boys are idiots. They’re all concerned, Mammon just doesn’t want MC to get upset again. In reality, this sort of dialogue stemmed more from me still lingering on the original idea of the fic. The original concept of this fic (when it was just a one-shot) was MC still getting attacked by a demon in the locker-room showers (for their soul) but because I was originally thinking about a female reader, I knew that it could have more of an undertone for sexual assault. I actually first discussed the fic idea with Primal months back when I first got into Obey Me, because I wanted to write a snippet of each brother helping MC after the event (it wasn’t going to be extreme, I was thinking more accidental scratches during the scuffle closer to the chest and such and maybe the assailants having more dialogue demeaning MC for being around the 7 brothers all the time) but I realized I didn’t have much experience with that and it would make writing scenes that I thought about (such as Asmo wanting to give MC a bath as aftercare) difficult as I could see someone after an attack like that not wanting to be in a bathroom with someone else or be vulnerable to them. I ended up playing with that idea in my previous Mammon fic with more different comfort aspects and touching on that kind of assault briefly, so this fic ended up just being focused on the brothers’ being upset over what happened to MC.

As much as writing Satan’s angry dialogue is a pain, I have fun making him talk with a more formal tone, it’s closer to how I normally talk, and prefer to write my characters talking. I have no problem writing contractions or more casual speech, but for one of my fantasy stories, where I’m writing in English but trying to differentiate different languages through italics or just whether they use certain contractions or not, I tend to really stress the characters that use absolutely zero and more complicated synonyms.

I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS IF MC JUST ASKED FOR SOUP OUT OF THE BLUE I’M IMAGINING ASMO BEING LIKE “BITCH I TOOK ALL THIS TIME DEBATING OVER HOT OR COLD TEA AND NOW YOU’RE SAYING YOU’RE FINE WITH HOT SOUP???”

I know the shower idea may have been really corny or cringey. I know a lot of people write things like the water in Devildom as being much hotter (cause their near hell and their demons! It makes sense, also I think Asmo might have mentioned in a text chat he would make the water cooler for MC? But I could be wrong) but I imagine their is some demons who aren’t powerful enough to handle a lot of the settings. Of course though, our demon bros are 7 of the highest demons in Devildom, so they’re immune.

*Slaps this comment* Congrats, Primal. You just summarized the entire chapter.

I find Leviachan to be such a funny nickname, mainly because writing any dialogue for Levi makes me cringe because while I was a VERY big weeaboo in elementary and middle school, I was so lucky I never hit his stage of acting like an otaku. While it’s charming, having to type him in more modern fic is even more painful because it’s like “oh god he actually goes into the real world and talks like this). Sidenote, I always mispronounce Levi’s name when I’m talking about him, mainly because I have to remember so many anime characters where their name is pronounced Lee-Vai or I just think of the brand of jeans (fashion major brain). So, whenever I’m talking out loud about him to someone, I have to stop and be like, “Levi... Leviachan...Leviathan...” because that “a” sound corrects my brain to how it’s supposed to be.

*throws confetti again* Believe I felt the pain of this fic dragging through every boy going back on their character development I had given them but I felt it was only fair that each of them got time with MC. As the tag on archive says, “everybody gets time to shine with MC”. (I really just want to write Barbatos’ scene for chapter 4 though)

This scene was hard to write because I wanted Levi to get closure on the scene with MC, but I couldn’t have him straight up kabedon them because then he would be cornering them and I thought that would be too much like what MC went through in the shower. Although I didn’t write anyone in explicitly summarizing what happened to MC, and Levi saw the least of it, I think he’s seen enough series depicting it to know that cornering them would be bad, but he still wants to show that he loves them and cares about them. Also, when I was writing this, I remember just going through a counter of who got the most smooches in chapter 3. Originally only Mammon was going to get 2, putting him in the lead above everyone who got 1, but then I felt back for giving Levi the least screen time and just gave him 3.

Honestly, chapter 3 really took a turn for a more intimate chapter??? Especially with Asmo’s one-on-one scene with MC, it was all downhill from there. I have noticed with quarantine, my writing has become more focused on touch (if you read any of my Balance:Unlimited fics or even my Mammon fic, you would definitely die if you tried to do a drinking game with the number of times someone TOUCHES the other gently). It’s just an unfortunate projection issue that comes with writing.

And here is complete chaos. I had blocked this game from my memory and then I was forced to remember it right here.

Removing these meme images from the fic text will be tedious, and painful. But, I am preserving them here. (I type up these directors’ cuts before publishing the final version of the fic, so I don’t lose the comments)

I’m not even at lesson 16 yet, but based on all the spoilers I read, watched, and scene for research purposes, I’m pretty sure it was more of a-

This is what writing 11k+ words for one chapter worth it. The final read through I get to enjoy things like this.

I wish Belphie was 7′2″. 😳 I like Beel but Belphie is one of my favs. Ironically enough he was the one who skipped this fic. (I’ll make it up to you one day, Belphie fans.... will we ever know what they talked about and what made Belphie cry? Personally, I think it’s like the iceberg effect Hemingway talked about, and says more under the surface... it’s totally not because I got burned out, lolololol.... 🤭)

I WAS ACCIDENTALLY FEEDING DIALUCI STANS but again, if you’ve read my Mammon fic, you probably know my true thoughts on Diavolo and Lucifer’s relationship. This fic is so MC focused, I wasn’t intending to write it in so much, Diavolo was just supposed to order Lucifer to go home, that’s it. But, I got rejuvenated when I hit Lucifer’s scene, because I knew it was the homestretch for the chapter! I really played up a Hamilton reference accidentally, having the “Go home” line repeated, because it just felt like the vibe the scene was getting at. I am hoping to explore Diavolo and Lucifer’s relationship more in my modern au fic, Siberia.

I hate tumblr because if I attach a link in the initial post, this won’t appear in the tag, but Primal’s comment here made me think of this art I saw of Lucifer and Satan the other day by ObsessiveAlice (I don’t want to tag them because they’ll be so confused by this long unrelated post! But I’ll put the link to their art in the notes/replies on this post, so check them out!!!)

I know it wasn’t the most romantic kiss but again I WAS RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO MAKE THE BROTHERS HAVE UNIQUE SCENES SO I GOT DESPERATE.

And that’s the end!!! Again, if you liked the fic, more than giving me a like or reblog, please go check out Primal’s wonderful artwork @primal-interstellar !!! She does a lot of great oc work and it needs more recognition!!! Almost all of my fics would never get posted without her help, so please, please, please show her support! (She has an animatic she just made which I will also link in the replies!!! Please give that love too!!!)

Anyway, if you made it to the end, I don’t know if you got a laugh out of this, but I hope you enjoyed the fic commentary somewhat! I was going to post chapter 3+4 at the same time like I did the prior chapters, but chapter 3 took so long I had to just lay on my floor for 3 hours earlier today to take a break from it, lol. Luckily, I’m very excited for chapter 4, so it shouldn’t take as long!!!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me masters #writing #my writing #fanfic #fic #obey me fic #directors cut

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wildestdreamsgardens · 3 years

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Top Drought Tolerant Plants

10. Daylilies: I know this is very general but I have too many varieties to list. They didn’t always remain colorfast in the intense heat and dry conditions of this start to finish drought summer, but they endured by and large.

9. Ruta graveolens (herb of grace): Its blue/green leaves looked just as good if not better in this very dry season with no supplemental water. I had issues with die-off in the spring with some of my 6 year old plants (lifespan issue?) that may have been a product of the extreme May coldsnap that brought snow and freezing windchills and harming anything with slender live wood. It is underused as a front of the garden ornamental with extremely handsome contrast foliage all season long (well into fall). An even prune in the spring of the old wood and you have a well-shaped color accent, or make it into a low hedge like a blue boxwood. Highly aromatic, it’s bracing exotic scent is a true delight. Host food for Giant and Black swallowtail butterflies. Try a little snipped into salads, or as a distinctive touch in Greek and Mediterranean dishes. I always chop some finely and add it to the meat when I make Gyros.

8. Lavender ‘Phemonenal’: This one is new to the trade and new to my herb garden, but as young plants set out in the middle of the drought they performed and looked beautiful, producing bloom stalks over a long period of time and continuing to fill out, quadrupling in size with only early season watering. If it’s as winter hardy as they say (Zone 4) this plant is going to be a star in a lot of northern gardens.

7. Rumex scutatus ssp. glaucus (silver leaf/French Sorrel): This is a milder culinary sorrel, but it has beautiful shield or spade shaped blue/gray leaves on trailing stems, with hazy reddish seeds spikes in early summer. Enjoy these for a bit then cut the plant back and watch it regrow fresh foliage in a hurry as herbs are known to do. Foliage develops reddish highlights in cooler fall temps. I went wild scattering seeds in my largest perennial garden, a few of these along the path or edging for an alternative foliar accent. Has the sprawling habit and density to be used as ground cover block planting in a sunny area (there’s an idea! Edible groundcover!)

6. Goldenrods: Going general here again, but what can you say about this genus of toughies. A little shorter and later to bloom than usual, but even established moisture loving S. riddellii handled the drought with aplomb. By the way, some of the best goldenrods for the garden defy conventional wisdom about invasiveness and weedy appearance There are many clump forming, refined to semi-refined types, some slow spreaders and controllable ground cover types in a variety of forms that make this genus quite remarkable. Whereas many perennials offer a number of colors but basically the same form, goldenrods give you basically two colors (bet you didn’t know they came in white too!), but a wide variety of beautiful structural forms. You have the pyramidal forms that can vary widely--when the stalks of these compound flower heads elongate, you get a regal diamond shape or some very large heads round out into into massive chandeliers; others have a flatter pagoda form, and again when the secund inflorescences are flat and wide they remind me of tiger paws. Sadly, the best of these are in the canadensis group, known to be invasive and weedy. But there are exceptions like the petite S. canadensis ‘Golden Baby’. Also, early goldenrod, Solidago juncea offers the pyramid shapes as well. There are flat tops, including S. rigida (stiff goldenrod) and it’s shorter diploid form ssp. humilis. Solidago riddellii mentioned above is in my book perhaps the most refined and beautiful of all the goldenrods. There are also wand forms, hooked forms, axillary and club shaped forms. Many variations show plume and featherlike flower heads. And any given plant can change in appearance from year to year depending on conditions. I’ll post separately about all my favorites and their many virtues soon with photographs.

5. Digitalis parviflora: chocolate foxglove. The foliage and flowers remained as unstoppable as they ever are. The way it kept its healthy foliage throughout the season was impressive, when many other were showing signs of stress, D. parv remained cool as a cucumber.

4. Limelight hydrangea: whether you are talking about the tree form or shrub form, these woody wonders once established don’t even blink like their herbaceous cousins that wilt in full sun and fry in drought. Having a few of these as the backbone of your garden is never a bad idea.

3. Euphorbia palustris: Marsh spurge. Don’t be fooled by the name. This plant made it through the entire summer looking as big and beautiful as it had in past seasons, absent any supplementary water. True this plant is located in the more moisture retaining nursery, but quite a few plants in the nursery showed the effects of drought. Let’s just say that a well established E. palustris can withstand dry conditions with the best of them. Next year it will be tested when I divide and move it to drier climbs.

2. Vernonia crinita: at least this appears to me to be crinita. Giant and magnificent and no sign of defect due to the lack of water. It even sits on the dry downslope at the back of the garden where water tends to run off and away. Can’t say enough about this plant.

1. Asclepias tuberosa: The hand’s down winner. Its deep plunging tap root is one secret of it’s success. All the established plants sailed through, blooming at the very height of the drought in July and providing one of the few highlights in a pestilent, drought-ridden, lonely and isolating garden season. And what a shade of orange.

To happier times and better gardens.

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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ais-n · 4 years

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Pt1. So this might be totally random and maybe even a little bit weird or out of place, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while and may I just say I am proud? Happy? For the way you’ve handles the whole situation and how you still are. Like I don’t wanna sound like I’m putting others down but I can think of a handful of authors who if in your place would be less mature about the whole ordeal. I know thats random but it just made me happy and really proud to look up to you.

Pt 2 Like I know what they did was horrible, but something that really stuck out to me in your statement was your kindness to even offer help to “them” if they wanted to make things right. And I’m not saying that’s always the answer but I feel like that kind of approach with the whole situation was possibly the one with the most effect if “they” should’ve messaged.

Pt 3 I know you’re probs tired of having the whole thing brought up, but yeah thanks for being so mature and as level headed as you can be about something like what happened. (Sorry for this long random weird ask)

+ + +

I combined these into one, I hope you don’t mind! Also, jeez I’m so sorry, I have no idea how long ago you sent this. I didn’t mean to be an asshole and not reply sooner T_T I honestly don’t get how I have such a hell of a time seeing ask notifications on tumblr anymore. I swear I used to see them so much easier. Maybe it’s just that I went so long not getting asks I don’t expect them...

Anyway -

Not a long, random, weird ask, don’t worry! And even if it were, lol, you’re talking to the queen of long, random, weird posts - so it would fit right in regardless ;)

I don’t mind you bringing it up; it’s sort of impossible not to when a person is talking about ICoS. Plus, as bizarre as it continues to be to me that anything like this actually happened in my life, it’s still a part of my life so it would be silly to pretend it wasn’t or to try ignoring it all now. That seems like it wouldn’t help me or anyone at all, really.

I still feel so bad about everything, though. It just makes me feel so sad all around. I feel bad for “them” because I feel like something really has to have been difficult or complicated in their lives for them to do what they did, so consistently, for so long. I worry about their mental health, about them getting help, about their stability. And I feel so bad for everyone who was hurt in the process of it all - all the people who were innocent bystanders who became collateral damage; all the people who were excited about something and reached out and just wanted to make a connection, and in the process felt devastated or traumatized in the long run by what they found.

It’s so damn sad. So many people hurting others and being hurt for what feels like no good reason. I wish there had been a way to stop it all from happening, or end it sooner, or I don’t know, just - help.

I had a lot of mixed emotions initially when it all came out but as time has passed, when I think back, the primary emotion I feel is sad. Especially because, in addition to everything else, their actions ended up casting a pall on the series, and that’s really sad to me too because there are people who felt a real connection through the story - be it the characters or the people they met in the community - and now I worry for those people feeling like they have to question or judge themselves, or even distance themselves, from something that they felt was helpful at the time but now they wonder if they were wrong.

I don’t think anyone who felt a connection to ICoS was wrong to feel that way, regardless of what “Sonny” ended up being/doing in the end. Stories speak to us for different reasons, and I tend to be of the opinion that the writer of a story isn’t the god of that story. A story or characters can still have genuinely good impact on a person regardless of if the writer is terrible. I know not everyone agrees with that, and I understand why they don’t and I can’t even really fully argue against their points because I see value in their points as well. It may simply be that I try as much as possible to always see others as humans first and everything else second, and because I think of humans as highly fallible, very prone to making mistakes or being short-sighted at times, to me I guess I always choose to think of it as a person always has another chance to make another choice. They can change how they interact with others or the world at any second of the day if they choose to do so.

It doesn’t mean it’s a simple switch; that choice may entail a very long and rocky journey that may never be over -- it may mean making the decision to seek counseling if possible, or finding safe people to open up to, or starting to (safely) research and seek out communities that may reflect what’s happening in their mind... It may mean putting oneself into a position to constantly have to stop and question for months or years every second of the day if what they are doing fits their new code/path or not. It may mean that seemingly simply choice will lead to a lifetime of a pain in the ass - but that choice is still there. A person can still choose to make that effort. And sometimes, it’s our past mistakes that are our greatest motivation for making that choice, and going through those ups and downs. So I feel like it’s important to be as open-eyed and open-minded as possible about our past missteps (even if those rise to much higher levels than something as simple as a cute little mistake) and make an effort to change our future to better honor what we should have been in our past.

That may or may not be the right answer to everything; I don’t know. It’s just how I view the world, and so it’s how I tend to live, or at least do my best to follow. I do think that sort of mindset makes me vulnerable to taking the same steps at times of giving the benefit of the doubt for perhaps longer than I should, for holding out hope that others will take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes, for continuing to believe there’s a chance things can resolve better in the future and those who were hurt will get a chance for closure. In a way, that mindset likely makes it easy to take advantage of my ongoing hope for other people, and also likely makes it so I don’t see the dangers of things as they’re occurring because I want to believe other people care about other people as much as I do.

I suppose some people would take this as indication that they should change, but I don’t really feel like I should. I feel like it’s on other people to take responsibility for their actions, to prove themselves to be better than they were, to show they are willing to show humility, to improve, to care. I don’t personally feel like the answer to the conundrum is for me to change to be more like the things I don’t care for in response to things people have done to or around me; rather, I feel like as much as I am able, I want to keep trying to be what feels most right for me, even if that comes off as easy to manipulate, because I just really don’t like the idea of anyone else convincing me I can’t and shouldn’t be who I truly am simply because of their actions. As sad as I may be by what other people choose to do with their lives, as angry as it sometimes makes me, as frustrated as I get, I still want them to have another chance if they will use it. Because ultimately, what helps everyone is if they get help and they improve; not me changing to reflect their negativity and creating or continuing unnecessary cycles of pain, abuse, violence, or whatever else may be thrown one’s way.

I keep telling my parents that if I’m murdered for some reason in my life, they damn well better not use that as an excuse to send hate out there to the world in my name. I don’t want that. I would much rather there be something productive or positive... create a law that protects people who are in a position I was where I wasn’t protected, or build a non-profit that helps prevent my tragedy, or brings community and aid to the families and friends left behind from others like me. Something like that. Not self-righteous anger being used to justify more distance being spread between the people of this world.

That’s a tangent, but I mention it in part because I have very little hope my parents would follow through with my request. They’re much more in the mindset of retribution than I am. So hey, here’s my official request for others out there to remember I want something nice and productive and caring or protective done in my name in the event of tragedy, not something that at the heart of it is motivated solely by fear, pain, anger and hatred.

Anyway - that was a tl;dr of saying thanks but honestly I don’t know that I’m anyone to look up to in particular - there are way cooler people to look up to, like Malala, for example. I think I just have a thought process that’s probably pretty typical for people of my type of personality, and so in that way I’m probably a dime a dozen. I bet you are super awesome, yourself, and you probably would react the same way as me in this situation. But I appreciate the sentiment and I’m wishing you all the very best, and truly hope you and those you love are safe and healthy during these strange times.

PS: I didn’t bother putting this behind a cut because sometimes I have issues getting that to show on phones for people but if anyone is annoyed by this long ass thing on their dashboard and want me to edit it to have a cut, let me know and I can.

#Anonymous #ask ais #icosbooks #icos #in the company of shadows

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