#without seeing anything related to her work. in case that clears anything up
Note
hiiiii
i saw your requests are open
Can you do poly price x reader x simon where they all get into an argument (Reader is lonely while they're deployed, she's not getting on their case, just expressing it) and the boys get really defensive and take it a little too far, resulting in reader staying in the guest bedroom for the night bc she doesn't wanna cry in bed next to them. The boys come to their senses and realize they fucked up and there's make up sex? Lots of reassurance and whispers of how much they love you?
Feel free to ignore, just figured I'd pop in :)
Could You Understand?
John Price x F!Reader x Simon Riley
My first COD request I hope I did right. I’m still getting down their personalities and such in writing but it’s a fun challenge. Kinda base level smut. Ps. Would never ignore ❤️
warning: mentions of anxiety (described?), light stomach bulging (I mention it twice I have a problem), double penetration, not proofread at all
Confrontation was never a strong point for her, the idea of accidentally starting a conflict made her cautious with her words. Nibbling at her lower lip she adds the final dish to the washer before closing it. Turning it on she leans against the counter with folded arms. Many times has this feeling of loneliness crossed her mind. Whenever they were gone it was a constant reminder of the fear she felt. She always found herself holding back the words. But it was as if a dam finally broke and she couldn’t help but let them spill.
Making her way into the living room she wraps her arms around herself. It was a first defense similar to showing a dog that you’re not a threat. Her eyes fall onto the two men she loved with all of her being. They sat together with the television on but it was clear they weren’t entirely focused on it. They spoke in rushed tones as if forgetting the rule of leaving work at work. It wasn’t much but it was enough to ensure they wouldn’t dwell on work-related stuff.
Clearing her throat she realized just how hard it was to speak up. It was an odd feeling as she usually found herself talking without much of an issue. When they turned to look at her the words felt stuck, unable to claw their way out of her throat. “We need to talk,” she finally uttered. The words felt hard and cold when she said them.
John was the first to speak though the way his eyebrows creased seemed to verify his confusion. “About what, sweetheart?”
The gruffness of his voice was enough to make her hold the subject off. To instead crawl into his lap and give him a kiss or two. But she knew that wouldn’t solve anything let alone reassure her.
Simon on the other hand said nothing but his eyes were focused on her. And that was enough, it was always the simple things with him. His attention was always undivided, “well..I’ve been thinking a lot while you were both deployed. I just feel alone, you know? It terrifies me knowing you’re both out there and not knowing if that’s the mission that will end with me living my life without you. I—I’ve spent so many nights worried about how or if you’ll make it back to me. Maybe I’m just thinking too much on this but I can’t help but think that way. It’s like my brain won’t allow me to think positively. Like there’s this sense of impending doom when nothing bad is really happening,” she explained.
It was silent for a moment that is until Simon scoffed, the sound seemed to echo in her mind. “And you think it’s any easier on our end having to leave you here? It’s not a friendly thought knowing we’re miles away while you’re here by yourself,” his tone was defensive. It was as if he assumed her words were to evoke a change or start an argument.
“I’m not denying that Simon, I just get so worried that-”
“We understand that you get worried sweetheart, but we can’t change our profession. We spend just as many nights worrying about whether we’ll make it back or not. We have to live through that not you,” John spoke up.
Whether he meant to or not his words seemed to cut her deeper. It was as if her attempt at getting through to them was blocked off by their defense. “I know I don’t have to live through that, but it still worries me when you leave this house. I feel so helpless for lack of a better word when I know you’re miles away and I can’t help.”
Simon shook his head, “how would you even help? You can’t help, you can barely help yourself.”
His words were sharp like that of a knife willingly piercing her heart. Maybe that’s why it hurts more hearing words like that from someone you love.
“I’m not trying to argue with either of you, I wanted to get my point across,” she said simply.
“Then why even bring this up, you always dance around what you’re feeling. We’re not mind readers, there is only so much we can do when you won’t even say what you feel. It’s exhausting,” The words left John's mouth without much of a thought.
Opening her mouth she closes it, her eyes flashing with hurt from their words. “I know you’re both probably just tired from your mission and that’s why you’re acting like this. Just forget I said anything,” she tells them.
She had walked away quicker than she meant to not wanting to say another word to them. She knew deep down if she had she would have started crying.
Placing her hands on her chest she holds back the tears that are brimming in her eyes. She holds off until she makes it into their guest room upstairs. The second she closes the door she lets out a low sob. Sitting down on the bed she wraps her arms back around herself. It was a horrible feeling as if she’d been yelled at. Having people you love downplay your emotions when you finally speak upon them.
Lying down on the bed she curls up her arms still wrapped around her. It was as if she was protecting herself from what was already done. Sobs racking her body as she found no use in calming down.
It wasn’t until they made their way upstairs later into the night that they realized. Simon assumed she would be in bed, their bed. Yet the absence of her presence in the room was like a punch to the gut. His eyes found John’s in the darkness as they stood in the space.
They didn’t have to think before they made their way towards the guest room. The door ajar allowing John to slowly push it open. There she was in the middle of the guest bed curled up. She looked smaller than she should have as if closing in on herself.
John to a step forward which turned into a few then a few more before he was sitting on the bed beside her. His hand cupping her cheek, wet with tears, “Sweetheart..” The utterances of the pet name seemed to work as her eyes opened slowly. Groggy from crying so much as well as sleep she stared at him. It was easy to tell that was what she was doing in the darkness. The tears not yet split made that easy to notice.
With crossed arms, Simon makes his way over to him, “We shouldn’t have—I should have said those things to you.”
She seemed to perk up, it was a first for Simon to say something like that. Not that she expected him to do so often but it was refreshing. “It’s fi-“
“It’s not fine, the things we said to you were uncalled for. You didn’t deserve any of that especially when all you wanted to do was express your feelings. We took our frustration from the mission out on you,” John told her. His thumb caressed her cheek a touch she leaned into without hesitation.
“You do so much for us even when you don’t think you do. Most don’t expect to be greeted at home with a smile and a warm meal. You do everything you can to make sure we’re okay. It’s time we do the same,” Simon says.
Sitting up a bit she looks between the two men with a puzzled look. She didn’t catch on until she had John’s lips on her own. The smell of tobacco and pinewood was strong as she wrapped her arms around his neck. It was comforting yet sensual as she felt Ghost behind her. His lips feverishly trailing kisses along her neck and shoulders.
Her mind seemed to move slower than her actions which was evident when she found herself naked between them. Her hands rested on John’s chest as he lined himself up with her sopping-wet hole. Eager wouldn’t describe what she was feeling especially when he finally thrusted into her. He was always attentive and careful at first, “how’s that feel, sweetheart?”
The words didn’t come but a simple nod followed by a moan was enough for him. Resting his hands on her hips he set a slow and steady pace. One that seemed to draw on the moans leaving her body. “Still so tight for me,” he grunted against her warm skin.
The gentle touch along her spine was enough to remind her of Simon’s presence. The way he was looking down at her caused her to squeeze around John’s cock. A swear left the older man’s lips due to the feeling. Keeping her eyes on Simon she spoke up, “want to feel you both..”
It was new territory something she hadn’t done before. But she wanted to be closer to them in a way soft touches wouldn’t do. “Are you sure, lovie?”
She nodded her head right away at Simon’s words as he seemed to be silently communicating with John. Looking between them she waited for an answer as John continued to thrust in and out of her.
“Okay.”
That was all Simon needed to say before she leaned against John. Her arms were around his neck while her fingers curled around the hair at the base of his neck. Simon held her hip as he pumped himself in his hand before lining himself up with her stuffed hole. It was already a tight fit with John’s cock inside. Willing himself forward he groaned when his cock began to slide inside of her pussy.
Digging her nails into John’s back she muffled her noises on his shoulder. “That’s it sweetheart, such a good girl wanting to take both of us.”
John’s words seemed to calm her down as she felt him pull out some to allow Simon room to fit. She wasn’t fully prepared when she felt both of them inside of her. Neither of them moved, letting her adjust to the new feeling. Resting her hand on her stomach she moved it a bit lower feeling the bulge there. The subtle reminder of just how big John was in girth.
“Oh—please move..” her voice was a gasp barely above a whisper. She had never felt so full before, but oh did it feel perfectly right. Moving his hands up to cup her breasts Simon thrusted into her. At the same time, John pulled out before slamming himself back in.
Groaning from the feeling of John’s cock rubbing against his own as her pussy squeezed them tightly left Simon on edge. “Feels so good,” he breathed the words out.
Her mouth opened letting out a flurry of moans as their paces varied. While John was moving steadily, Simon’s pace was almost erratic. “Fuck—just like that,” she begged no one in particular.
Yet her words seemed to set both men off as they moved in tandem. Their pace seeming to match both went faster pistoning their cocks in and out of her. “So good for us lovie, always so good for us.”
The words of affection caused her to whimper before she felt his lips on hers. The kiss was dragged out and slow only fueled by John’s lips on her throat. The light prickles of his beard on her skin were comforting in a way. “You’re so beautiful, sweetheart. Always so caring and sweet for the both of us,” John’s voice vibrated against her soft skin.
She knew she wouldn’t last long from their affectionate words to their unyielding thrusts. Breaking the kiss between herself and Simon she whines, “So close, please.”
“Please what, lovie?”
The teasing tone he took on made her clench around their cocks. The action caused both men to groan as their cocks rubbed against her gummy walls. “Please let me cum, I’ll be good..”
“You’re always good, sweetheart,” John assured.
“Go ahead, lovie.”
She didn’t need to hear more as her eyes screwed shut. Her mind felt fuzzy as the warmth in her lower stomach began to spread. Gripping John’s shoulders she let out a cry as she came around their cocks with a tremble. However, they didn’t stop not yet at least as they were chasing their highs. To her, it felt like minutes but it only took seconds before they reached their own. Gripping her hips firmly John thrusted his hips up before releasing inside of her. Simon wasn’t too far behind as his cum mixed with that of John’s and hers.
Sighing breathlessly she shifted her eyes to the bulge in her stomach she had forgotten about. She could still see the outline of John’s cock against her lower stomach. But it didn’t last long as she felt both men pull out of her. Leaning back on Simon she watched as John left the room. Her eyes were concentrated on his back before they trailed to Simon.
“Lovie I-“
Shaking her head she leans up her lips pressed against his shoulder. “I’m fine, I guess I just worry a lot when you’re both not here. It’s scary to think something can happen on a mission and I wouldn’t know for a while until the mission ends.”
Simon noticed how shaky her voice was as if the thought of them getting hurt lingered in her mind. Placing his hands on her cheeks he leaned forward until his nose was touching hers. “It is scary, I couldn’t imagine having to stay home and wait for us to return. But I can promise you this, with everything in us we will always try our hardest to get back home to you. That’s how much you mean to us,” his words melted into her mind.
Keeping her eyes focused on his own she nodded her head, “I know you guys will. You always do and I’m grateful for that.”
“And we’re grateful for you,” John chimed in as he walked back into the room. He went straight to her using the towel in his hand to clean her up before pressing a kiss to her stomach. “We will always be grateful for you, I couldn’t picture myself loving anyone else besides the two of you.”
It was comforting to hear words like that from the men she loved. “I love you,” she said her words directed to both men. Pulling her close Simon kisses her forehead as he lays behind her. In front of her was John who also delivered a kiss to her forehead. “I love you too, sweetheart. Don’t be afraid to tell us when you’re worried or scared. We promise to think before we speak,” John’s words reassured her.
The same way that Simon’s touch did as his thumb rubbed her hip. “I love you, now get some sleep it’s almost four in the morning.”
That was all it took before she was closing her eyes allowing the feeling of both men beside her to lull her to sleep. She felt safe and protected between them, no longer as fearful as she was before.
#poly!reader#x reader#fluff#poly fanfic#cod 141#cod smut#cod x reader#john price#price x reader#ghost cod#simon riley x reader#john price x reader#simon riley smut#john price smut#ghost smut#captain price smut#poly 141
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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷Fem!reader as an older sister figure
ੈ♡˳ Character(s): Muichiro Tokito, Shinobu Kocho, Giyuu Tomioka
ੈ♡˳ Reader: Female
ੈ♡˳ Warning(s): Small mentions of death in Shinobu and Giyuu
Muichiro Tokito
❥ Muichiro first met you when he became a Hashira. He was so young and was able to become a Hashira so quickly which intrigued you a lot. Since you two are colleagues, It's normal to want to get to know who you'll be working with for the next couple years.
❥ A lot of conversations with Muichiro were short and sometimes awkward, you try to ask him questions but it's like he doesn't hear you speaking and if he does he starts off his answer and then start drifting off again. It worried you a lot that sometimes he couldn't finish his sentences without dissociating. But that didn't stop you, you tried you best to help him with things that he would normally forget.
❥ Little by little you were knowing more about him, even if it sometimes did take a day or two to get a full answer but it was still something and enough to make you filled with joy. Eventually, the more you two talked the easier it was to get a response out of him, it was like he was slowly coming out of this shell he had himself in. The other Hashiras were surprised from how well you two got along since they couldn't get as close to Muichiro as you did.
❥ Months had passed and he was practically attached to your hip, if you went to town he went, if you went on a mission he also tagged along. It was quite adorable to the others how he followed you around like a lost puppy. He didn't quite understand his feelings himself, why he feels so safe around you and wanted to be by your side all the time.
❥ To compare, it was like the fog after it rains is clearing up when the sun comes out. His mind was the fog and you were the light that helped cleared it. Being around you made him feel like his younger self when his family was around. He'll never be able to see his late family again but.... sometimes you can meet others that aren't related by blood that can also be your family. And that's what he concluded with what he's been feeling.
❥ You are the family that he's been yearning for the past couple years.
Shinobu Kocho
❥�� You were friend's with Shinobu older sister, Kanae. When she passed away you two were overwhelmed with sorrow, Shinobu was the one who told you of her passing since you weren't there with their battle with the upper moon.
❥ Even though you both were in need of comfort, you felt it was more of your responsibility to comfort Shinobu since you were older than she was. Kanae trusted you with Shinobu in case she was no longer around and that was the day you made sure to never leave Shinobus side.
❥ Shinobu was forever grateful that you were still with her, ever since her sister passed away, her way of controlling her emotions was getting better with your help. She was indebted to you from all the times you've comforted her through hardships.
❥ You were like a second older sister to her and because of that she was quite clingy. She didn't want what happened to her sister to happen with you. Even though you both were Hashiras and you could definitely defend yourself when needed, she still felt the need to protect you.
Giyuu Tomioka.
❥ You've been a hashira for a little more than a year now, but even so you and Giyuu were more like acquaintances, atleast in your eyes. You tried your best to know him better but he was so closed off and because he doesn't tell anything about himself you didn't know exactly why and just thought that he was just a shy introvert.
❥ But for Giyuu he was scared, he didn't want to get close to someone and they die the next day. Being apart of the Demon Slayer Corps means you've signed your life away and because of that Giyuu didn't want to make friends with someone and feel the sorrow of them dying in battle.
❥ He knows everything about you from when you two talk yet you didn't know much about him, it was mostly one way talking. He seen your interactions with everyone else and was a bit envious about it. You didn't hesitate to save others and always checked up on others to see how they were, and that included him too. it reminded him a lot of his late older sister.
❥ The ache in his chest every time you spoke to him grew bigger each time, he pretended that he didn’t care in hopes you'd stop speaking with him but that didn't work. He hated how much he could feel his self getting slowly attached towards you because of how comforting being around you was.
❥ Slowly, Giyuu started letting his walls down, even though he was afraid he decided he wanted to try stepping out of his shell for once. And he didn’t regret it for now. He came to you a lot of times when he was stuck with something and didn’t know what to do. He started coming to you when he felt down one day and wanted to just be around someone.
❥ Giyuu seen you as family and it terrified him a bit that he let someone become that close with him. But it’s okay for him to finally find solace in someone, right?
♡ Thanks for reading ♡
#Muichiro x reader#Shinobu x reader#Giyuu x reader#Demon slayer x reader#kny x reader#Muichiro Tokito x reader#Shinobu Kocho x reader#Giyuu Tomioka x reader#demon slayer headcanons#kny muichiro#kny shinobu#kny giyuu#muichiro tokito#shinobu kocho#giyuu tomioka
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okay so, not entirely sure what the last anon was on about (and it very well could be a troll just trying to bait. they really should have at least brought up what they meant if they wanted to appear in good faith), but it may be in relation to "drink up" and how it attracted terf attention on twitter? (which I know you addressed btw, so I hope this doesn't come across as an attack or anything)
personally, I think the phrase "our only natural predator" might have appealed to terf rhetoric just a little (but that's my opinion - I very well could be 100% wrong). I have my own personal feelings on the use of "natural" in the phrase (men don't naturally prey on women like animal predators do their prey - if anything, it's unnatural, deliberately chosen behavior - and it reminds me of the excuse that "it's just naturally how men are," like "boys will be boys." HOWEVER, I see how that phrasing ties into the "lioness/women turning it around and preying on the predator" theme, so honestly it works well there), but aside from all that, I can also see why it might've attracted terfs: bc they very often view and frame trans women as male predators to cis women. I know that's definitely not how you intended it though!!
and this also isn't meant as a nitpick to your work, so my apologies if that's how it comes across. I really like your art and your writing (and "drink up" has a very cool theme)! it's just that I can see how terfs might've interpreted it a certain way. it's not your fault that they viewed it like that though, and you've made it very clear you're NOT down with trans exclusionary BS. so that's literally the only thing I could see anon complaining about tbh, assuming they're not just being a troll. also I'm sorry for the super long message (I have an issue w/ typing too much smh). I just thought I'd share my thoughts on it in case it's at all helpful, but also this might just be annoying to read instead, so honestly feel free to just discard it if you prefer!
It’s not annoying at all anon, and I appreciate you taking the time to send this in. The comic you’re talking about is one I think back on with a lot of regret. It was made in a furious haze after a big time female streamer revealed that she was being mentally abused for years by her husband, where he would waste her hard earned money, threaten her dogs and her livelihood and overall be a monster to the woman who was their primary breadwinner. The reaction online to this information by her largely male audience was so genuinely vile and violently misogynistic that I made the comic, without thinking broadly about the implications you’ve already pointed out. In reality, the comic was meant to talk about how all women (cis and trans) suffer under the patriarchy and how the label of womanhood can often be an open call for baseless derision, dehumanisation and entitlement at many levels.
TERFS quickly co-opted the comic, and I’ll always regret ever giving them an opportunity to feel empowered and validated by my art, but I’ve learned from the experience overall to do better by my trans siblings. Thank you for engaging in good faith - I hope my behaviour now and in the future can make up for past mis-steps.
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Back To You
Summary: Spencer never thought she would love him the way he loves her, but he also never thought she would come back from the dead
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Angst/Fluff)
Content warning: description of reader being beaten up, similar to how Emily was in Lauren, lots of talk about death, mentions of blood, mentions of previous BAU related injuries
Word Count: 5.3k
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It was a slippery slope. One day, Y/n was fine, loving the work she did for the BAU, knowing who the bad guys were, and having a family she completely trusted. Then, her world was turned upside down with one simple phone call.
Suddenly, she wasn't cozy at the top of the mountain, she was skiing down it without poles or bindings. Nothing to keep her safe, no helmet or goggles. Nothing to keep her comfortable, no gloves, ski jacket, or pants.
It was just her, alone on her skis, terrified and alone.
Spencer noticed as soon as she rejected an offer to go out to her favorite restaurant after they got back from a case. Even when they were exhausted and had gone days without sleeping, neither of them declined the opportunity to spend time together. And when Spencer couldn't come up with something he'd done wrong, he realized there must be something wrong with her.
Then there were the suspicious phone calls, the darkening circles around her eyes, the paranoia she'd started displaying, the long lunches, the general pulling away from the team.
No one else noticed, and when he tried to raise it, it only resulted in JJ and Morgan teasing him about being in love with her, something he couldn't deny.
He'd stopped lying to himself about their friendship a long time ago. The line in the sand had been drawn the day they met and stepped over 39 seconds later when she smiled at him.
The problem was, he could never get the words out, and when she started pulling away, it felt even less likely that his feelings were reciprocated. Maybe, Penelope had babbled about his crush and she was trying to let him down gently rather than smash his heart.
Surely, he thought on those long nights he spent awake, she would tell him if something was wrong.
But she never did.
Not until it was too late.
He races into that cold, dark building with only one goal. He's going to be the hero she needs, get her out of the dire situation he now understood, and once she'd recovered, tell her everything.
Y/n mumbles out his name when she sees him. Laying on the concrete floor with what-are-sure-to-be bruises developing on her face, blood gushing out of her nose, and, worst of all, a massive stick sticking out of her abdomen.
Major abdominal wound, units of O negative blood on stand-by, potential organ penetration. His brain runs through the scientificness of it all, trying to stay objective and not fall apart as he watches the girl he loves in a life-threatening situation.
He's praying, to a God he doesn't believe exists, that the dizziness from all that blood loss is making the pain lessen.
"Y/n, hey, you're going to be okay." He comforts her first before calling out to Morgan and the other agents clearing the building. "She's in here!" His voice is just as desperate when he pleads for a medic into his comms.
"Spence, I'm sorry." She apologizes, barely there.
He knows just how bad it is, and he wishes he wasn't a genius with a Ph.D. in Mathematics because he can work out the probability of this situation ending well. It's low.
The pain is completely overwhelming, worse than anything she's felt before, but she's not crying out from it. All her strength is gone, and her eyes threaten to close. She's fighting it, repeating a motto to keep herself awake. If she's going to get a chance to tell Spencer how she feels, she's going to have to keep her consciousness.
"Hey, come on," Spencer says, trying to keep her awake while he holds his hands over her wound to stop some of the blood.
It's futile.
There's so much of the sticky warm liquid and the alarm bells that should be going off in a germaphobes head are quiet.
Her hands are shaking around his, cold too, and her face pales quickly, all the color and life draining from her in front of his eyes.
"Just stay with me." He pleads, hating every second of this. He knows what being close to death looks like, and this is it. "Focus on my voice, Y/n, and keep your eyes open." It's all she is focused on. The sounds and lights around them are drowned out in favor of looking into his eyes, listening to his voice, feeling his hands, and smelling his cologne. But each of those senses are fading, numb as the feeling in her body diminishes.
"For me." He adds the last bit as a final motivator.
"I'm sorry." She tries again, voice barely a whisper. The slippery slope is even worse this time, she realizes when her vision darkens. It's not gradual- with a threat she has a chance at beating- instead, and although it doesn't feel like it, this is quick, and no amount of profiling is going to help her beat blood loss. "It killed me to lie to you."
It truly did. Every day since Doyle escaped, she'd wanted to tell Spencer and the team, and ask them for help, but the loyalty she had to her former team took precedent. It was a decision she's regretting.
"It's okay, I promise, it's okay," Spencer tells her. "You're so brave for what you did. You're so fearless and kind and intelligent." The light of hope in him darkens when her eyes flutter shut and her breathing gets impossibly shallower. "And you've really got to stay awake for me."
"Just thinking." Y/n mumbles, her thoughts slowing down and she struggles to process any information.
Spencer nods rapidly in approval. "Good, keep thinking, think about whatever you want to keep that beautiful brain of yours going."
"I like to think... that in another world we had a chance to be happy." She confesses, and he sees tears fall down her cheek for the first time since he found her. "Together."
The tears in his eyes get choked back because he doesn't want to make it about him. There's nothing more he wants than that with her alive and well.
"We can have that." He encourages her, although he's not sure if he's trying to convince her of it or reassurance himself. All his attention is on her, not listening to Morgan shouting for a medic 10 feet away. "And when you're all better, we can go out. Wherever you want."
The tiredness starts to set in more than before, and it's worse than the 60 hours she stayed up on a case once. Everything inside her is trying to fight but she's all out of energy.
It's time.
Spencer watches it in front of him, helpless. She's too far gone when she can't fight anymore, drained... and dead. He can't check her pulse to know for sure but he's seen the life slip out of unsubs' bodies and it just happened to her.
He holds her just as tightly, pressing against her wound and clutching her body to his chest. "Just squeeze my hand, I need to know you're in there." He pleads. "We can have everything you want in the future. Kids, dogs, a big house, a little cottage, even a house by the beach. I really don't care where we live, honestly." He's not sure why he's so stuck on one detail for the fantasy. Maybe it's the domesticity that living together could bring. Waking up next to her every day was a dream that feels like it's slipping away. "I'll build you a house if I have to."
She's not there. The light inside her has been flicked off just like that. Not even a faint smile or the rising and falling of her chest. She's dead, and he knows it.
"Y/n, come on, stay with me!" He begs again, shooting Morgan a terrified glance. He's still frantically demanding a medic, but it doesn't seem like anyone can come fast enough. He needs to try it out once because he knows he's never going to get another chance. He'll never love anyone the way he loves her. It comes out in a broken whisper as he sobs for the first time. "I love you."
The medics come a few seconds later, and Spencer would later reflect on that moment, wondering why they hadn't driven faster.
Morgan practically has to pull Spencer off her, even though Spencer knows there's not a lot more he can do for her. He also knows there's not a lot they can do, but he's clinging to hope and praying for a miracle.
He stands there, frozen in shock, while they frantically work around Y/n and put her on a gurney. The look on his face is blank, so pale that Morgan's worried he's going to faint. Even when she's gone, he stays standing looking at where she laid.
"Spencer." Morgan places a hand on his friend's shoulder, grounding him so he doesn't have to catch him when he passes out. "She's with the people that can help her the most."
Spencer tries to suck in a deep breath of air but it doesn't feel like any oxygen is getting to his lungs. His hands are still covered in her blood and he can't seem to wipe it away on his shirt.
"She'll be okay." Morgan tries to assure him.
"No." Spencer shakes his head. "She was gone, Derek. Gone!" Just like that, he's at anger, running his hand through his hair roughly. It's an easier emotion to feel than sadness. "If we had just gotten here five minutes earlier, if the medic didn't take so fucking long, she might have a chance."
Morgan has never heard him swear before, and it sounds wrong coming out of Spencer's mouth. "We need to go to the hospital. She's going to want to see you when she wakes up."
The comforting words are something Spencer thinks about for weeks after that night. They barely registered when Morgan said them but he wonders those nights if they were genuine, if Morgan really thought she'd make it.
Spencer can't stop pacing in the hospital. He's cleaned up a little bit, changed into the shirt Penelope grabbed from his place, and washed her blood off his hands.
He could add up how far he has walked if his brain would work. Even facts are working for him. All he can think about is the memories he has with her and how the world wouldn't have a purpose without her.
The team has been shooting him sympathetic looks, but they're all suffering from the same daunting feeling. They're hoping and praying and sitting with emotionless faces. There's no talking between them just Penelope's sobs and the bustling noises of a busy hospital.
Spencer kind of wishes he could cry. He can't seem to actualize how he's feeling. Nothing helps.
It seems like hours of numbness before anything happens. Everyone else had moved seats, stood up or sat down, drunk coffee, or tried to brave food. Everyone except Spencer. The only moving he's done is the marathon he's walked.
Then JJ walks out. And the worst news she's ever brought him before then was that the bakery didn't have chocolate frosted with sprinkles donuts.
Until she locks eyes with him and just stares at him for a few seconds with blood-shocked eyes. No words are needed, but she confirms Spencer's worst nightmare verbally too. "She never made it off the table."
Instantly, the waiting room is filled with tears, like a chain reaction starting with Penelope and ending with Rossi. Everyone's crying, something none of them have ever seen before.
He had been hoping, even if he was simultaneously trying to convince himself there was no point.
Hope: a human instinct.
Survivor bias had overclouded his judgment. He had been held hostage and tortured for days while drugged, then poisoned with a lethal strain of Anthrax, Elle had been shot and then had the wound played with, Penelope had been shot in the chest, and Hotch had been stabbed and left for dead overnight. The BAU was immortal. They always pull through, or so he thought.
It's all far too overwhelming, and he attempts to rush out of the room to find a quiet place to sob, but JJ catches his arm.
"Spence." She says in the kind of sympathetic tone reserved for times one knows their words won't be of comfort.
"It's not fair." He mumbles, not ready to share Y/n's deeply personal last words and his subsequent confession.
There's another thing he doesn't say because he knows JJ knows it already: if he ever finds Ian Doyle, he'll break his oath.
She nods in understanding, wrapping her arms around him to console him. But she doesn't understand. "I'm so sorry." She tells him as she holds him tightly.
Spencer reciprocates the hug, but it doesn't help him at all. The love of his life is gone. There's no saving her that can be done. She's dead, and she's never coming back, and Spencer's never going to get to have all those special moments he wants to have with her.
In this universe, they'll never be together.
He's not sure how long he hugs JJ, but the whole time he can't get the picture of Y/n's dead body out of his head. It's so persistent that when they pull away, he rushes to press his palms into his eyes and massage it out.
Hotch looks like he's going to say something, remind him he'll be able to love again, but Spencer's going to know he's lying. So he just pulls Spencer in for a hug.
In the mental chaos, he loses track of JJ and Hotch and cries while he hugs Penelope. That night, all the team does is cry and hold each other.
If losing her is the worst day of his life, burying her comes in a close second. He keeps looking around for her, but he's been doing that since they left the hospital. He hasn't eaten or slept since then, only had the coffees with sugar JJ forced into him, and he's still trying to remember to talk about her in the past tense.
He's so dehydrated, and he's cried so many tears that he's not sure how he manages more for her funeral. It's warm outside, but he still feels as cold as he felt the night she died inside.
The seven of them stand around her coffin with roses, and if he had the words, he would tell them all about how little she liked roses, that she would have preferred tulips: the symbol of perfect love.
When it's his turn, he kisses his fingertips before touching them to the cold wood. Then, he places the flower down, knowing it, too, will die.
~
It didn't take seven whole months for Spencer to know he wasn't ever going to be able to stop thinking about her. He knew that the night she died, but what he couldn't imagine then was that it would get easier and that he would feel guilt because of that.
The hours of therapy helped- much more than the therapy he got when his dad left- and so did having the team.
At some point, he didn't spend every day in tears. He started getting out of bed and throwing himself into his work again, but he still had those little moments with her in his dreams or before he remembered reality when he woke up.
Then, another curveball came, and he's forced back into thinking about her when Morgan reveals all he had been working on regarding Declan Doyle's whereabouts.
There's an unspoken promise he makes to himself to make sure Y/n's sacrifice wasn't in vain. He's going to save that little boy, and it is transference because he couldn't save her.
Focused as ever, he goes into that house with Rossi, clearing each room silently as they search for the boy worth dying for.
He's grateful when he gets the call they have Ian Doyle in custody. Not only because it means Declan's got a better chance of being recovered alive and someone's going to pay for what happened to Y/n, but because he knows that if he were on the rooftop, he would have beat Doyle to death.
He can't even look at Doyle through the two-way mirror when they're back at the BAU, but he's so glad there are developing bruises on the murderer's face. After throwing up to the memory of Y/n's developing bruises, he splashes water on his face in the bathroom and does the breathing exercises he's been taught so as to not spiral.
But Doyle doesn't know where Declan is, and they're in a world of problems again. They need a Hail Mary, and Spencer knows the course of action with the highest probability of effective recovery of Declan.
But it's Hotch who's ready to play his trump card first.
"Everybody have a seat." He orders, and it's weird for Spencer to hear his voice after so long, but it's also comforting.
The team's back together again, but she's still missing, and he misses her more when they're working on a case she used to be on. He misses her in that way when he reads reports with her name.
But the atmosphere quickly shifts. In one breath, it's as serious as that night at the hospital. Spencer's heart starts racing like it did before they found Y/n bleeding out that night. There's a thumping in his chest so loud that his body is threatening to make him throw up again, that sick feeling extending exponentially.
Spencer only catches keywords as he hyperventilates. "A lot of blood," "stabilize," "airlifted," "Bethesda," "need-to-know," "reassigned," "several identities."
He puts it together before it really registers in his brain, but it doesn't hit him fully until Penelope asks, "She's alive?"
The logistics of it fly through his head and questions go off like alarm bells. Who knew? Where is she now? How? Where has she been? Is she okay? Why couldn't he know? Was all of it a lie?
He's glad when Morgan starts to lay into Hotch, knowing he can't speak right now, let alone tell Hotch how he really feels.
But everything stops again when Penelope's mouth drops open, his head whips around, and Y/n walks in.
~
The first person she asks for when she wakes up is Spencer. She wants Spencer at her bedside because seeing him will numb the immense pain in her abdomen.
Instead, it's JJ in the chair next to the hospital bed. "JJ." She mumbles, getting her friend's attention.
JJ hands her a glass of water and doesn't wait to give her a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay."
"Me too. Thank you. Can you get Spence?" Y/n asks, although she's not trying to make it seem like she's ungrateful JJ is there.
"Yeah, of course." JJ agrees, but when she walks out of the room, she doesn't come back with Spencer, she comes back with Hotch.
The unit chief sits down in the seat JJ was sitting in and Y/n's alarmed by it because he almost always stays standing. "You're not in Boston, you're in Bethesda." He tells her.
She assumes JJ's nervous face is a precursor for the trouble she's about to be ine. "Hotch, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have as soon as Doyle was mentioned. Actually, I should have told you the entire history soon as I knew Doyle had escaped in Russia." She launches into an apology.
Hotch stops her with a hand on her shoulder. "Y/n, it's okay." He assures her.
It should comfort her but it only makes her worry more about what's making JJ so cagey. "What's wrong?"
"As long as Doyle's out there, you're not safe." He says, easing her worrying taking precedence over bedside manner. She nods in agreement. She's not in the hospital because Doyle's a good guy. "You can't come back to your old life."
"Witness protection?" She cuts him off, too anxious to find out what's happening to her.
"Reassignment overseas." He states her fate, and just like that, the pain in her stomach doubles as her mind spirals. She can't breathe deeply anyway, but it's even harder now. "You'll be in Paris with several identities even we don't know."
It hits her then that only Hotch and JJ are in the hospital room with her and that Spencer would be there if he knew. He would hold her hand through the tough news and say goodbye properly.
She would later scoff at the irony of it being Paris, the City of Love, since she's not allowed to talk to the person she loves. A person who thinks she's dead.
"They don't know." She realizes, a stream of silent tears starting down her cheeks.
"They can't," JJ tells her, stepping away from the door and closer to the bed to hold her hand.
Y/n shakes her head firmly, looking at Hotch with pleading eyes. "No, please, no." She knows it would break Spencer, but it's also breaking her.
"I'm sorry," Hotch says, and it looks like he genuinely means it. He knows better than anyone how hard it is to lose someone you're in love with, and now it has to happen to two members of his team. "I take full responsibility for the decision, but it has to be this way."
"What do they think happened?" She asks quietly, trying to wipe up some of the tears, and put on a brave face.
"That you died on the operating table," JJ tells her, only so Hotch doesn't have to. "It's need-to-know."
Y/n's eyes rapidly dart over to Hotch, who had already accepted blame. "No, Hotch, they're need-to-know. They have to be. Spencer, he-" She can't even get the last words out with her crying, and JJ pulls her into an awkward hug to console her.
"He'll be okay," Hotch assures her, but JJ's a much worse liar and the look on her face tells the concern she has for Spencer's broken heart.
The whole plane to Paris, Y/n cries. She's grateful it's a private jet and that she's alive, but there's a lot to be desired. Trying not to think about Spencer is challenging, and it's a different feeling than she had when she would try not to think about him while falling asleep at night.
JJ's comfort only goes so far, and details are missing from her story about the nights Spencer comes over to her place to cry.
When they separate, Y/n's only wish is for her to keep Spencer safe.
The call comes in to come back- that it's safe and Doyle's been caught- after 7 long months. Of course, there was work to do, and it's what she spent most of her time doing, but it's the loneliest she's ever been. She clings to the house Spencer told her about before she blacked out and the fantasy worlds she had created in her head.
She would take being home in DC over the bank accounts full of money she was given any day.
However, when she gets back to DC, there are about a million more places she'd rather be than about to see the team. She loves them so much, and it dawns on her as she gets in the elevator that they might not love her once they find out what she had to do.
The bullpen looks the same, aside from the fact her desk has been cleaned off. The stabbing pain in her heart is there again when she thinks about who had to clean it off.
It smells the same in that room; clean but also like coffee, paperwork, and, somehow, laughter. It's home. The memories in that room are so prominent in her mind. Birthdays, Halloweens, one Thanksgiving, late nights, early mornings, coffee drinking, cake eating, takeout Chinese.
Her legs are almost too shaky to get up the stairs, and her hands are too clammy to help by holding the railing. She can't even get a breath in or stop her heart from beating rapidly.
Hotch explains it all, holding their attention as their faces form shocked expressions. It feels so good to see them all again, alive and well, even though she knows what's about to happen. She takes a deep breath that does nothing and swallows thickly before stepping over the threshold.
Penelope notices her first, and everyone else's eyes are on her within seconds. There's shock, disbelief, and a glimmer of anger from each of them. Y/n never hated being under the spotlight, but right now, it feels like she's naked in front of an audience full of people: wholly exposed.
She looks at Spencer once she has confirmed everyone's safe, but he stares right through her like she's a ghost. Then there's a string of put-together sentences about how sorry she is and how much she missed them all and the series of warm hugs she's been longing for, each member of the team holding her tighter than usual to make sure she was really there.
Spencer's last to hug her, hesitant enough that she has to make the first move and wrap her arms around his shoulders. He tentatively hugs her back, touching her like she's made of glass.
She supposes she is shattered glass desperately being held together by glue. Hugging Spencer doesn't feel like it used to, not when he's so stiff.
~
They don't speak until after the trial, and it's on the advice given to him by Strauss- of all people
"Hi." She makes the first move like she's made the first move to get everyone back.
It's late, but she knows he's not going to be sleeping. She can't sleep either, not only because it's 7 am in Paris but also because of the adrenaline still pumping through her.
Still, coming to his place seems invasive.
"Come in." Spencer gestures, moving out of the way to let her in. He doesn't look happy about it, the same emotionless expression painfully on her face.
"Thanks." She accepts, stepping inside and taking off her shoes and coat.
It doesn't feel hostile but it's cold in his living room.
Y/n can't help but look around and play spot the difference. There are stacks of new books, and she knows he would have had to go to yard sales alone.
It's as tidy as it usually is, shoes neatly placed by the door, and his coat on the hook is new, unsurprising since he loves a good discount.
Morally, she shouldn't be as grateful as she is that there are no shoes or artifacts belonging to a woman.
There's a new planted pot of tulips in the corner, growing healthily, as well as a boquet of colorful tulips on the kitchen island. The other new thing is a framed map on the wall above his desk.
Still, it's so similar that she can't help but feel like she's walking into the past. This was the place she fantasized about being in most, lounging around with him on a Sunday morning or having take out on a Friday as more than friends
"They're for you." He says hoarsely, nodding towards her favorite flowers.
Y/n braves a look at him, and if his voice wasn't such a significant indicator of the fact he's been up crying, then his tear-stained cheeks, blood-shocked eyes, and dark circles are.
"Thank you." She replies but she didn't come to accept a gift.
"Do you want a drink?" He offers like they're not standing in a bubble of confrontational tension.
She shakes her head. "I just want to talk to you."
"So talk." His tone is harsh, stinging her. It breaks her heart a little, too. Clearly, it was selfish and idealistic to think she could come back and they could pick up where they left off, go back to flirting, and almost-confessions.
Her fingers drum against the countertop, and Spencer watches her awkwardness with an intense gaze.
"I'm sorry." She starts off emphasizes the apology she'd spoken to the whole team. This has to feel personal because she's so emotionally involved.
Even though it's been on her mind for so long and she's had time to imagine what she'd say, the words don't flow out the way she hoped.
"You've said that," Spencer says shortly when there aren't any more words that come out of her mouth.
"I mean it." She stresses. "I can't- I'm- I know it's so unfair, and I cannot imagine how painful it was for you and I'm so sorry for putting you through that." She rambles, failing at succinctness. Tears welled in her eyes, painfully stinging. Spencer just watches from a safe distance. "You don't have to forgive me, but I need you to know how much I wished I could tell you. I hate that I had to do that."
"I don't." Spencer's quiet voice stops her from continuing. He steps away from the other side of the kitchen island and closer to her. "I mean, I do, it was... nightmarish believing you were dead, but I'm grateful you're safe." He squeaks, as an afterthought, "I'm not mad."
She tilts her head back to avoid the tears, but it's too late. "You should be." She states, noticing the way he's still looking through her like she's not really there. "I just want you to feel something towards me again."
"I do." He assures her, reaching out to hold her hands in front of her. She's really there. Standing in front of him, it's just setting in that maybe his dreams aren't too far-fetched. "And please don't cry. I hate it when you cry."
"Sorry." She sniffles. "I really missed you, Spencer."
His hands drop hers in favor of wrapping around her waist and pulling her into his chest. "I missed you, too." He replies, breathing in the scent of her perfume and shampoo. It's the same one.
They hug right in the middle of his living room for a full minute in silence before she pulls away. "I need to know something."
"Mm?" He prompts, relishing in the feeling of having her so close again and memorizing each detail of her face.
"Before I...was out, did you say something... or did I just imagine that?" She wonders.
Spencer's worried about exactly how much she heard. Now knowing she wasn't dead, he knew there was a chance she remembered everything. "After you told me about us being together in a parallel universe, yeah."
"Were you just saying that because...?" She asks, trailing off because she really doesn't want to believe it was just for comfort.
"No." He answers, not giving her a minute to overthink it.
A little sigh of relief comes from her and then a smirk like she used to smirk at him. "I also remember the promise of a date."
He chuckles lightheartedly, but his head is deeply filled with love. "I promised I'd build you a house, Y/n."
"Maybe we'll start with a date." She suggests, snuggling into his chest again. He smelt like being at home, warmth and safety.
"Not tonight, though." He tells her. "We're going to get dressed up, go out somewhere fancy, and do this properly now that you're here and okay."
She nods in agreement, feeling like crying again at how happy she was feeling and how much she loves him. "I am okay." She agrees. "And, insider tip, you've already won me over."
That assurance was not going to stop Spencer from romancing her at every opportunity he got in the mysterious world where he managed to get her back.
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Fault
Emily Prentiss x reader
Warnings: language, arguments, break ups, cheating, angst, unsub situations, gunshots, character death. Covers a bingo square, a req from Lu & a req from anon.
Working with you ex wasn’t exactly ideal, being partnered up for a case was even less ideal and being trapped with them in an SUV for a seven hour stakeout was the absolute worst. But you’d come to the conclusion that that’s what you get when you decide to dip your pen in the company ink.
Emily glanced over at you from her spot in the driver’s seat, your foot was propped up on the dash, using your knee to brace your elbow on, chin in your hand as you chewed at your lower lip. You caught the movement out of the corner of your eye but your gaze stayed trained on the unsub’s house in front of you, not moving an inch. Emily let out a sigh, dropping her phone down into the cupholder,
“Starting to think this is a waste of time.” She muttered, glancing between the house and you but got nothing in return. After a brief pause she spoke again, “I mean are we even sure he’s actually in there?” You didn’t need to answer her question, not that you would have, the unsub walked right passed one of the lit windows and Emily huffed. “Maybe we should just move in, we’ve got the warrant?”
Still, not so much as a grunt in return from you and this time she rolled her eyes, glancing back to the house once more before she let the frustration get the best of her.
“Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?”
Your hand shifted down, plucking your coffee cup from the holder, lifting it to your lips to take a sip before you finally spoke.
“I have…nothing to say to you.” The cup returned to its previous spot, “I’m here to do a job, not gossip.”
“I asked work related questions.” Her voice hardened slightly, she didn’t want to pick a fight, but going into hour eight of silence was just getting under her skin. You let out a huff, risking a glance over at her.
“This isn’t a waste of time. He’s inside the house, we just saw that. We’re not moving in without back up or confirmation that he’s got Rebecca inside. If we move in otherwise, he could end up getting shot or killing himself and then we’ll never find Rebecca.” You ticked off each point on your fingers as you went, rolling your eyes at her before you returned to your previous position. “Thought you were a decorated agent.” You muttered under your breath and it was Emily’s turn to roll her eyes.
“So you’re just going to ignore me for the rest of all time?”
“What did the bunny from Bambi say again? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”
“God you’re ridiculous.” She scoffed.
“Not exactly like I’m enjoying this either.” You grumbled back, picking up your coffee for another sip, “god I could kill Hotch.”
“Maybe it wasn’t Hotch’s idea.” She muttered, ducking her gaze and your face finally swivelled to face her, though it was pure anger written across your features.
“Are you fucking serious?!” You could feel your blood beginning to boil, the urge to hit something building higher within you, “after everything you thought it would be a great idea to be stuck on a stakeout together? You’re insane.”
“Thought it might help to clear the air, make it so neither of us were walking on eggshells anymore.”
“And somehow I’m the one being ridiculous? God.” You rolled your eyes, your hand clenching into a fist as your nails dug into your skin, attempting to hold back the multiple emotions building higher inside you. You could feel your gut churning and you weren’t sure if it was out of hatred toward Emily or your body trying to expel your emotions through tears. And you certainly weren’t willing to let her see you cry.
“I just wanted to be able to be civil.”
“I’ve been perfectly professional! You’re the one who broke it and keeps trying to fix it when you know it’s unrepairable.”
“I said I was sorry!” Her voice raised, the frustration evident in her words and you simply scoffed, staring ahead in the direction of the house.
“Yeah well band aids don’t fix bullet holes, you say sorry just for show.”
“Did you seriously just quote Taylor fucking Swift to me?! This is why you can’t have a real functional adult relationship or find someone who you think is so ‘worthy of your love’, everything has to be a fucking fairy tale in your head. You’re living in a fucking fantasy! Everything isn’t all princesses and rainbows and unicorns you know?” Emily was doing her best to get under your skin and you knew it, the struggles of her being a profiler, she knew exactly how to do it. You realized now wasn’t the best time, but you couldn’t hold it back anymore, if now was your time to get a few kicks in, so be it.
“Considering we’re sitting outside a serial killers house right now, I think I know what the real world is like, thank you very much. I don’t need a fairy tale! I’m well aware that things are hard and it isn’t all sunshine, I never held you to any kind of standard, I never demanded flowers or even asked for weekly dates. I just wanted someone with some common fucking courtesy. I wanted commitment! I asked you to move in, you bargained with exchanging keys, fine, I’ll take it. You used a sick day at work and I was worried about you, so I went so fucking far out of my way to get your favourite soup, tea and medicine, thinking I was going to make sure you were taking care of yourself, remind you that you don’t need to suffer alone, that I loved you and was there to help. But when I got there I found you railing some bitch over the kitchen island?!” You shot her a glare and felt a little triumph when she visibly winced, not expecting you to blow up in the way you were, “I could’ve seen past it if it was a one time thing, if it was only sex, but you’re some kind of pathological liar! It’d been going on for months! You were volunteering to stay behind on cases so you could sneak off with her. It’s not exactly like I wasn’t around, wasn’t attentive, but clearly I was never going to be enough for you so you strung me along like some kind of puppet while you continued to cheat. You’re fucking vile.”
“It’s not like it meant anything!”
“Oh, yeah, right.” You laughed with a scoff.
“She was just convenient.”
“And what? I wasn’t around enough? Or was I smothering you? Because I’ve heard both already and they’re pretty contradictory.”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“Stop making excuses.” You spat, “you were the one who asked me to be your girlfriend, to make the step into what I at least thought was an exclusive relationship. You were the one who got all the paperwork filled out, reassured me that it wouldn’t affect the job, that everything would be fine. Sure isn’t fucking fine now.”
“I’m sorry.” She started and you glared in her direction, “we could start over?”
“I’m not that stupid Emily. Half of what you fed me were lies, how am I supposed to trust you again. I’m not even sure you have my back in the field anymore. Some things aren’t meant to be.”
“I—”
“Can we just focus on work! Please?!” You voice strained and you were suddenly looking back toward the unsubs house, not daring to glance Emily’s way, but even in the low glow of the moonlight she could see the tears shimmering in your eyes so she closed her mouth, lips pursed as she picked up her phone to check in with the others.
Awkward silence took over the SUV again, Emily chewing on her lip as she tried to not defend her actions any further or pry to get a response out of you. She knew this stakeout had been a risky idea when it came to pairing you together and so far it was certainly not going her way. It wasn’t that she thought she’d be able to win you back over stale coffee and forced conversation, she wasn’t even sure if she wanted that.
It was only once you were certain that she wasn’t going to try to strike up another conversation or argument that you relaxed slightly in your seat, sighing softly while you blinked the tears out of your eyes. You didn’t want to hold a grudge; you weren’t normally like that but Emily had hurt you more than anyone else had in your lifetime. You’d loved her with every inch of your being, bared your soul to her, dreamt of what a future together would be like, the kind of house you’d live in, the cozy life that you could have. And all of that, absolutely destroyed in a matter of seconds. Even after the original conversation you weren’t sure how often she had been lying to you and you were second guessing every excuse she’d ever made. Even if you wanted to, that trust was broken, and there was no chance of getting it back.
Out of the corner of her eye Emily caught your slight movement, the way your body tensed and you shifted forward, eyes narrowing and your voice soft when you spoke.
“He knows we’re here…” You murmured and when she glanced up, the unsub was standing in the large, now open living room window, staring directly at the SUV. A second later his arm darted out of view and when it returned, it was dragging Rebecca flush to his body, gun to her head. Even through the glass and down the side walk you could hear the girl screaming for her life, “shit!”
“We’re moving in!” Emily called through the radio.
There was a flurry of movement as the two of you raced from the car, guns drawn to approach the house, booting the door down to get inside.
“Steven Thomas, FBI!” Emily’s commanding voice broke through the girl’s cries for help, “drop the weapon.”
“Come any closer and I shoot her!” He fired back.
“We can all walk out of here safely.” You started, “that’s all we want.”
“I’m not leaving with you!” He shouted back, Rebecca whimpering and squirming in his arm.
“Okay!” Emily called back, “then you don’t leave with us. But how about she does?”
Normally you and Emily could work in perfect tandem to talk down an unsub, you’d done it plenty of times before, even after the break up. But there was something different about tonight, instead of just the unsub being on edge, everyone was, there was a tenseness that hung thick in the air. Neither you or Emily had calmed down from the argument in the car and it was evident in her voice, she hadn’t gotten what she wanted then and that made her more determined to get what she wanted now.
“Why would I give you my one bargaining chip?” Steven laughed darkly, “the second she’s one inch away from me, you take the shot. I know how this works.”
“No one has to fire any guns.” You started calmly, lowering your own, “you let Rebecca come to me and we can talk this out.” You still had your finger on the trigger, but the threat of the fire arm pointed toward the ground was certainly less. Emily stepped forward, her gun still raised and a fire behind her eyes.
“Tell this bitch to put her gun down!” He yelled, gesturing with his gun.
“That’s not gonna happen until you put yours down.” She shouted back, anger ringing through her words.
She was so focussed on finding the right pattern of words through the cloud of fury in her brain that she was a split second behind on noticing the physical queues. The moment Steven’s hand so much as twitched you knew it was coming, his arm raised like lightning, ready to take a clear head shot on Emily. You’d only meant to grab her arm, pull her back while you took your own shot but your foot caught on the torn up carpet, sending you jolting forward and you could only pray it wasn’t affecting your aim.
Rebecca was screaming, your ears were ringing, the sound driving so deep into your brain your vision started spinning. You could faintly hear Emily calling for a medic, blinking hard a couple of times you managed to get a clear sight line of Steven dead on the floor, Emily kicking away his gun while she tried to console Rebecca. Still, something wasn’t right, you couldn’t seem to catch your breath. Your gun clattered to the floor as your hands started to search your vest for where the bullet must’ve hit you and when you glanced down there was a searing pain in your neck and a drop of crimson dripped down your chest, the taste of copper infiltrating you mouth. Your hand flew to your neck, confused as to why it was as warm and wet as it was until your hand came back into your line of sight and you realized it was soaked with blood. You opened your mouth to speak, Emily’s name nothing but a choke on your lips as you coughed up a clot of blood and she whipped around.
“Fuck!” Somehow she managed to get to you before you hit the floor as your body started to lose all its strength. She dropped to the floor, cradling your head in her lap as her hands pressed hard against the wound in your neck, her eyes wide and terrified, “I thought he got you in the vest…”
“E—Em..” you coughed again, sputtering blood up again and she winced.
“Don’t try to speak.” Her voice was wavering, but it was soft, tender and somehow calming despite the pain raging through you, “where’s that medic?!” She called into the radio once again. Glancing back down at you her heart immediately began to pound in her ears, she could feel each beat of your pulse against her fingers where your blood was pushing its way out of your body and how with each beat it was growing weaker. Your breathing laboured, each breath was harder to take than the last and your eyes began to flutter. “Hey…” she gently nudged at you with her knee, “hey, you can stay awake, right? You can do that… I know you can. Y/n… come on, open those eyes up for me.”
Wincing, your eyes slowly blinked open, your vision still hazy but you could make out her worry stricken face above you. “Tired…” you managed to get out.
“I know, I know baby.” It slipped out, she didn’t even realize she’d said it, the hand that wasn’t pressing on the gunshot wound cupping your cheek, thumb soothing across it, “medics will be here soon, you just need to hold on, for me, okay?” It wasn’t until she saw something wet hit your cheek that she even realized she was crying, you did your best to nod, crying out at the pain in your neck and Emily’s hands were suddenly firmly holding you still.
“Em….” You rasped, eyes blinking as you fought like hell to stay awake and she looked down at you, nodding, you could barely feel her thumb stroking your cheek now, your words broken by heavy breathing and droplets of blood, “did… you ever mean it… when, when you said you… you… loved me?”
A sob broke through her lips and it took everything in her to not move, to not cover her face, to not lean down and kiss you, to try and wordlessly apologize for everything. Her lips quivered, her hand pressed harder on your neck, she could barely feel your pulse anymore and her fingers were slick with blood.
“Of course I did.” She nodded vehemently, “every time I said it, I meant it. I loved you so fucking much. I still do.” She sniffled, blinking back tears as she watched the corner of your lips twitch up into the closest thing to a smile you could manage, “I was stupid and I ruined things and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that.” She glanced up as she took a shuddering breath, trying to control her tears, “I don’t know why I did what I did, but I’m so sorry. I love you…” When she looked back down at you, your eyes were closed, blood trickling through her fingers, “y/n…” she shook you gently, “y/n!”
The second shake was harder, attempting to rouse you but she already knew, her hand was pressed too tightly to your neck for her to not. You were gone.
Sobs wracked through her, her body shaking as she clutched you to her, not wanting to let go. If you’d asked, that was her last memory of that day. She couldn’t remember the team arriving, Hotch physically dragging her off your lifeless form as she cried into his shoulder, covering him with tears and blood. She had no memory of getting home, showering, the sleepless nights that came afterward.
All she could think of was you.
And that it was all her fault.
She was the one who fucked up the relationship. She was the one who begged for the pairings to be swapped around, she was supposed to be with Morgan in that car. She was the one who instigated the argument in the car, brought the tension of the night up, she’d distracted the both of you from the task at hand and successfully got you shot. If she hadn’t been paying attention to Rebecca, if she’d even bothered to glance back at you, maybe she would’ve realized sooner, would’ve been able to call earlier for a medic, emphasize the severity of the situation.
Not to mention… the shot had been meant for her.
Emily couldn’t help but think that it should’ve been her in the casket as she watched you be lowered into the ground. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. You didn’t deserve this. You deserved a world of happiness, sunshine, flowers and most importantly of love. She hadn’t deserved you. And you certainly didn’t deserve the treatment she’d given you; you deserved the world.
And she would never forget it.
Not a single week went by where there weren’t fresh flowers at your grave. It was the least she could do.
__________
@mickey-gomez @momlifebehard cm @melindawarnersgf @somethingimaginative17 @temilyrights @alexxavicry @daddy-heather-dunbar @rustyzebra @ilovemycrayons @mandy-asimp @leftoverenvy @kades95 @dextur @m00nkn1ghts @supercriminalbean @daffodil-heart @its-soph-xx @going-gray @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @hopelesslyfallenninlove @peanutbutterprincess @kdaghay @emilyprentisssluvr @lex13cm @zizzlekwum @emobabeyy @riveramorylunar @s1ut4nat @midnight-sapphic @scorpsik @prentiss-theorem @unsubologyy @strongsassysexysloane @happenstnces @sapphicprentiss @heidss @geekyandgay98 @pagetboobstarcomments @onmykneesformarvell @inlovewithemilyprentiss @akingcalledkris @desperate-gayy @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @theclassicgaycousin @kalixxa @alexusonfire
#emily prentiss#emily prentiss x reader#criminal minds#emily prentiss angst#emily prentiss one shot#k2023bdaybingo
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Buddie 608 meta
Buck babysitting Jee Yun was adorable, but what gets to me is that it seemed to come with more question marks than when he was looking after Chris in 301. Does that imply something about how often he babysat Christopher without Eddie present even before that little “intervention”? In any case, it re-affirms that even relatively early on, Buck was very much a part of the Diaz family. ~~
It actually feels weird that in this entire ep, Buck is around kids, talks about kids, but doesn’t address the issue of him possibly fathering a biological kid of his own that he won’t get to raise. Is this a hint that he’s def in denial? It was especially loud because we saw him talking about Chris, while spending time with Jee Yun AND Denny. The former two make sense, but Denny? The only other time we saw Buck around Denny was in 310, when the scene was primarily about Eddie watching Chris with Buck. So it feels like it’s very pointed that he’s around more kids than usual, yet not addressing the biggest issue related to that taking place in his own life.
At the same time, to connect both of the above points, the difference between how we see Buck with Jee Yun, his actual family, in this ep, and how he’s with Denny (he’s in the same scene with him, but hardly interacts with the kid, they’re even physically separated by Hen) serves as a reminder that Chris isn’t like another colleague’s child to Buck. What they have is how Buck treats his own flesh and blood. ~~
Carla reminding Eddie that the fantasy is sometimes better than the reality, when she’s the person who, in 413, encouraged him to follow his heart… Is this the show building towards Eddie’s next step on his romantic journey? IDK, but with this continued theme of him watching Christopher maturing into his own person, leaving him to find out what makes him happy outside of being a dad, it would seem to fit. ~~
I loved Buck asking whether Chris isn’t too young to date, then being asked himself to reminisce about his first crush. Which was in fact way earlier (and a reminder that not every crush is about being old enough to date). It made me snicker a little, ‘coz it was such a good reminder that our boys are a bit oblivious about matters of the heart in general. And yes, it comes from an overprotective place of caring, much like Buck’s reaction to hearing that Chris is going to a summer camp in 318, but it def explains why they’re not very good at following their own heart or figuring out what it’s telling them.
At the same time, Buck asking whether Chris isn’t too young to date, followed almost immediately by Eddie saying he didn’t think his son was old enough to kiss others, screamed VOLUMES to me about how much these are both Christopher’s dads. They literally have the same reaction where no one else from the team does. This cannot be accidental or meaningless. Especially when paired up with the fact that it’s Buck who Eddie looks to first to sooth his apprehension over Chris kissing someone, and he only turns to the other teammates when his work husband is being a bit of a tease and refuses to give Eddie the reassurance he seeks... Flirting at your place of work on top of being obvious co-parents, seriously? ~~
I loved Buck’s comment about the song “It’s Raining Men.” It wasn’t just a funny comment on its own, it was also a nod to a gay anthem. One of the most well known as well as one of the earliest ganthems (that should be a word), in fact. So while it’s not a clear indication of anything about Buck’s sexual identity, it is an added hint in a long series of hints that he isn’t straight. And to add to that, when Buck makes that comment, it’s Eddie who’s there by his side to make one of his iconic faces at that. They’re not just battlefield boyfriends, they’re battlefield husbands, exasperated eye roll included. ~~
NGL, May and her crush Darius realizing where they’d rather be, or better yet with whom, after their ordeal with Erik very much reminded me of 414. Buck CHOSE to fully integrate himself into Eddie’s life and be by his side in every way that counts, while he literally saw Taylor and immediately started walking in the opposite direction, while Eddie broke up with Ana shortly after. It kills me that they still don’t get what stuff like that means. Literal bozos. ~~
Eddie threatening to only speak to Carla about stuff related to his son growing up might have been said in jest, but it also served as sort of a set up for her being the one to stay with Eddie and watch Chris outside the dance. And I adored that scene, with that soft look on Eddie’s face, his moving words! Yet, I can’t see either this arc, nor Buck’s with the sperm donation, being complete without the two of them having a real conversation about what’s going on with them and their respective parental journeys. Especially not after the Buddie stuff we got in 5b which locked them in as each other’s person forever. There’s no coming back from that stuff. So I can only assume that it is coming in 6b. And hopefully, it will be all the more emotionally effective for how long we have to wait for it. Hey, that’s the whole point of a slow burn to begin with, right? ;)
~~ Thank you to everyone liking, reblogging and especially those who consistently reblog these meta posts, you own a small piece of my heart. I wouldn’t be writing a meta post on a day when I’m sick AND working a double shift if it wasn’t my way of saying thank you. I really love and appreciate you all. Also mad love to @whosoldherout for once again slaying with her amazing gifs, and just for being so wonderful. xoxox
#buddie#911meta#buddie meta#911 meta#9-1-1#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie gif#buddie gifs#buddieedit#911edit#911 gif#911gif#911gifs#911 gifs#wm#911onabc#911 on abc#911abc#911 abc
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WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD
My Relationship With Reality Shifting
What I'm going to be talking about:
How I found out about shifting
My initial thoughts/ feelings about shifting
What led me to believe in shifting
Why I don't doubt that shifting is real
What doubts I do have (let's be honest, not everyone can be completely free of doubts)
My approach to shifting when I first started
My current approach to shifting
I didn't want this post to be too long so if you want/need me to explain anything further then let me know <3
Any trigger warnings will be in place wherever may be necessary <3
How it all started:
Like many people in this community, I first found out about shifting through TikTok in 2020. In my case, it was around mid-September when I was scrolling through my FYP and saw the video that changed my life forever.
OK, that was a bit dramatic, but you get the point. The video that I saw was this girl acting out something that she claimed happened in her DR. The scene went something like this (my memory is really blurry, so bear with me):
She had just shifted back to her DR, and It was during the battle at Hogwarts. there were a bunch of people coming up to her saying things like "Where did you go?" and "We missed you so much"(your typical 2020 misinformation). the battle was starting, and she looked at everyone and said, "I know what will help us. everyone close your eyes, trust me." IDK, I think she was trying to group shift everyone out of her DR???? either way it didn't work but when they opened their eyes the portals from Avengers Endgame(I think) started opening up and the Avengers stepped out of them. Her reaction to that was like "Well I guess that also works".
There might have been more to it, but that's all I can remember right now. Also PLEASE tell me if you also saw that video and/or remember who posted it. I wonder what they're doing now.
At first, I was a little confused, but then I looked at the tags and saw one that said: "reality shifting." at this time, my FYP was filled with a bunch of fanfic-related stuff, So I guess because of that, I just assumed that reality shifting was just a weird fanfic tope used in crossover fics. I was also sort of on DracoTok, so I wasn't really confused about why I would be seeing Harry Potter fanfic on my FYP.
I scrolled away from the video and didn't think much of it until a few days later when I looked up the tag and saw a bunch of videos with advice and methods on how to shift. at this point I was very confused and I was just thinking "Wait, are these people being fr". After scrolling through the tag for a bit I found a video explaining what it was.
I don't know who made that video. But one thing I do know is that I have never doubted the existence of shifting since.
Why I started believing:
I'm just going to use bullet points for this section. but if you want me to go into more detail about anything, let me know.
my prior knowledge/belief of out-of-body experiences (i.e. astral projection)
my belief that humans are always more powerful than what we usually think/believe.
Also, potential TW: brief mention of drugs
probably the biggest reason was a story I heard from a YouTuber about one of his friends who, after taking DMT, claimed to have lived in a forest with elves for 3 years and was able to give a detailed description of what happened in those 3 years. The story I'm talking about is about 10 minutes into this video
I immediately thought of this story when I saw videos of people talking about their experiences in their DRs. And since this drug is something that can be naturally produced by the brain, it didn't seem like much of a stretch to suggest that you could trigger its production without taking any drugs.
I want to make it very clear that I am not promoting or encouraging the use of drugs/illegal substances in order to shift.
My approach to shifting then vs. now:
I have always treated shifting like a skill. At first, I thought that if I practiced the methods/techniques I learned from Shifttok enough, I would eventually have to shift.
Now, I treat shifting as something you allow yourself to do rather than force. It's kind of like sleeping. The more you try to force it, the less likely it's going to happen.
More recently, I have been focusing more on improving my confidence when it comes to my abilities. In my opinion, it is not enough to intend to do something you also have to have the confidence to be able to do it.
I think that is why most people aren't shifting. There are only so many times a person can fail at something and not lose their confidence.
End Notes:
I think that this is all I wanted to say. But, once again, if you want me to explain something, let me know what it is.
#shiftblr#shifting#reality shifting#desired reality#shifters#shifter#shifting antis dni#shifting realities#reality shifter#shifting community
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I see a lot of debate on this fandoms found family obsession and I want to add my two cents and headcannons that no one reaaaallllyyyyy cares about.
I think there's a balance of it that's good. For example, I think interpreting Maya and Phoenix as siblings is just as valid as best friends. Siblings can be best friends, my own sister is literally my best friend. It works with the dynamic of them both feeling like they're taking each other in after Mia's death, and I see their banter and can relate it to how my sister and I treat each other.
On the other hand, I don't like it when people give Phoenix and Apollo the father-son dynamic. I think there is a level of protectiveness from Phoenix, coming from seeing some of himself when he was younger in Apollo, as well as knowing he's Trucy's brother. But Apollo is an adult who looked up to Phoenix when he was younger, just his trust betrayed. At first it's a case of never meet your idols for Apollo. He also finds him irritating. I think there is a point where those two can get on good terms and Apollo forgives Phoenix, but they aren't family. It's a different type of love and care. They are mentor and mentee. Apollo will always find Phoenix annoying too, he just gets used to it and that irritation no longer is from a place of resentment, just Phoenix pushing his buttons.
As far as Athena goes, I haven't played much of DD yet because I started as the new trilogy got announced and decided to wait, but I think it's another case of Phoenix being protective but not quite in an adopted kid sense. He sees a young girl who needs some love, care, and guidance. You can love and care for someone a bit like a daughter without going all the way into they are my daughter territory. Trucy and Athena? Best friends. You know how so many of us have best friends that are basically like a sibling but we don't literally feel like siblings? That's them. They are an unstoppable duo.
As far as Edgeworth and Kay goes, I haven't finished AAI but I do see a little bit of adopted father-daughter dynamic, but not as intense. Kay is very self sufficient and made it through her teen years without her own dad or Edgeworth in her life. They are bonded over the shared trauma of losing a parent at the courthouse and Edgeworth is protective of her and his door is always open for her in the good and the bad. The paternal instinct is there and he would help her through anything. I feel like Kay called him Dad by accident one time and that did make them more like family, but apart from emotional times or jokes, he is Mr Edgeworth.
On the note of Edgeworth, I'm not keen on the adopting basically the entire prosecutor's office. I just don't feel like that's Edgeworth. I do think he softens yes. I do think he cares about his employees, but it's the vibe of a good boss being on professionally friendly terms. They can go to him for help, sometimes not work related. He can be a mentor. But he's their boss first and foremost, and in a more Edgeworth sense than Phoenix. More by the book. So yes he cares about them and can sometimes be protective, but not in a family way.
I do like Edgeworth eventually becoming Trucy's other Dad, but it takes time. For a long time he's Uncle Edgeworth and it takes him a long time to adjust to that even. Eventually he starts treating Trucy like a daughter, Phoenix pulls him up on it, he has a bit of a crisis. This is after the 7yg when Phoenix no longer has to live in the shell he did before getting his name cleared, therefore being able to officially be with Miles. Point being it's not immediate. He does immediately live Trucy but his instinct isn't familial for a while.
Honestly me explaining this hasn't completely gotten what's in my head across about I hope you get what I mean.
Also, at the end of the day everyone can have their own interpretation of the game. People will make it what they need it to be and that's okay. As long as what you are going with isn't illegal or straight up gross, go ahead. These are my own conclusions I've come to and it's these interpretations I look for in the media I consume, but whatever fuels your love for this series is what matters ✨
#the characters and the ability for each of them to be interpreted in multiple ways is what makes this series so loveable#i love them all so much#ace attorney#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#narumitsu#apollo justice#trucy wright#mia fey#maya fey#kay faraday#athena cykes
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Soft Moments in the Stars
Sam Coe x GN! Reader
GN! Reader. No pronouns, no use of Y/N, or reader descriptions used.
Anxiety, worry, some fear (Sam is there to comfort you and calm you down). Comfort, breathing exercises, reassurance.
Staring out into the stars, while everyone sleeps, your mind starts to worry. Sam notices you're awake and stays up with you.
Characters: Sam Coe. Mentions of Cora Coe, Sarah, Barrett, and Andreja.
Haha, bet you didn't expect another so soon! This is short. But I really needed it. Now that the poll requests are done, I can get into the heavier more plot related stuff >:) (Aka: my sad era)
Staring up at the stars, what a primal instinct it’s been for all of humanity since the dawn of creation. The unknown, the curiosity, the wonder in it. How long have humans been looking up at the night sky? And how many of your ancestors have done just the same; sitting, staring, and questioning?
What’s out there? How do you fit in to any of it? In this vast field of stars, of people, of planets—why are you the one to go on this cosmic journey?
New Atlantis had too much light pollution to look up and stargaze at night. Akila city had too much dust and sand in the air. But now, in the cockpit of the Frontier, the entire universe stretches out for your curious, pondering eyes.
Quiet moments, when everyone is asleep and the ship drifts across the blackest sea, are rare. It’s an opportunity to sit and really think. At times, maybe the constant hustle and bustle from place to place, mission to mission, is good. It’s a distraction, that much is clear. The lively conversations among your crew, Sarah jotting down notes about unexplored systems, Cora with her enthusiastic book reports—is comforting.
You may not always have them. It may be, in time, this quiet, contemplative silence is all you have left.
It’s a chilling, anxiety-ridden truth that you’ve been forced to think of more and more. Especially now.
With every new temple you discover, every new power you gain, a rift grows between you and the others. There’s a distinct feeling to it.
Sarah and Noel look at you like you’re something to be studied. Barrett uses constant humor and jokes to cover his nervousness. Andreja feels threatened by the power imbalance.
Only Sam continues to treat you the same.
Sam—wonderful, optimistic, loving, Sam.
Your shining light in the dark.
Every outcome is uncertain, but his promises of staying with you—always being at your side, no matter what—is a comfort unlike anything else.
A long-winded sigh leaves you. Your mind can’t help but wander into the worst-case scenarios or worry about the unknown. If these temples turn you into some kind of monster… what then? If your destiny takes you on a different path than his, how can you see it coming? Could you even prevent it?
What about Cora? Will she grow up without you? Her own path taking her elsewhere?
Is this all for nothing? Is this endless space an indifferent, uncaring, void that only seeks to be filled with violence—
Soft hands caress your tense shoulders. “Hey. What’re you doing up?”
Like a light switch being flipped, the anxious, spiraling thoughts cease. A lucid calm washes over you.
You lean back in your pilot’s seat, feeling the warmth of Sam behind you. “Couldn’t sleep.” You murmur.
He hums softly, leaning down closer to you. “What’s bothering you, sweetheart?”
“It’s hard to say.”
“Hmm…” He presses soft kisses to your shoulder, gently kneading the other. “Describe how you’re feeling.”
“Frustrated. I guess. I have so many questions.”
His thumbs move to massage between your shoulder blades. “I can tell, you’re very tense.”
This makes you chuckle, a breathy and tired sound. You can feel his short beard against your neck. His lips ghost over your skin. “Come back to bed, we can work some of that frustration out.”
A very tempting offer. Other nights you would happily accept to be whisked away in his arms, forget everything, and curl up next to him to start a new day. But something stops you.
He can feel your hesitation. His lips hover and his hands pause.
“It’s…It’s not just that…” You frown at the stars. Sam’s faint reflection in the glass watches you with caring, patient eyes.
“I’m…I’m scared—terrified, actually.” As if a great floodgate opens, you release your thoughts into the still air. “I don’t know what’s coming next; I rely on Constellation to have at least some idea of what we’re getting into. Seeing Sarah and Noel just as confused as I am…it’s really unsettling. These temples and powers…what if they change me into someone—or something—unrecognizable?”
Your breath quickens. “I don’t know what to do. There’s so much responsibility on my shoulders now, it’s all so sudden. What if I screw up? What if I get someone hurt—what if I get you hurt? Or if I make the wrong choice and—”
“Whoa, whoa. Easy. Take a deep breath.”
You do, filling your lungs just as he does, as he guides you along.
In and out. Slow. In and out.
Your heart calms, just a little, but your racing thoughts still tumble around your mind. “Thanks.” You whisper, leaning your head back against his shoulder and closing your eyes.
“Stand up. I wanna hold you.”
His hands guide you out of the chair, sliding under your arms and around you like a safety net. Your hands lay over his. They’re always so warm, while yours are always cold.
His body presses against yours, flooding you with his warmth, face nuzzling into the crook of your neck. He murmurs into your skin. “It’s alright. I’ve got you. I will always be with you.” His fingers tangle with yours, smooth and practiced.
“It’s natural to make mistakes—and it’s not your fault. You’re learning just like the rest of us. There’s no way you can predict the future, so go easy on yourself. Making mistakes is human.” He trails light kisses up your neck to the shell of your ear. “As for everything else—we take it one step at a time, together. If something doesn’t feel right, we can adjust or take a break. Don’t push yourself. The universe isn’t going anywhere.”
Tears dot the corner of your eyes as you smile and nod. Your voice is barely a whisper. “Thanks, Sam.”
“Anytime, love.”
You take some more steadying breaths, feeling your lungs fill and empty out rhythmically. “You always know exactly what to say.”
He chuckles, his breath is warm against your skin. “I know you, and I know how it feels to be weighed down by anxious thoughts.”
After a few more minutes of watching the stars, feeling your mind slow and your thoughts ease, “I think I’m ready for bed now.”
“You sure? I can give you some more time alone if you need it.”
“Nah.” You turn in his arms to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck. You’re greeted with the softest blue eyes and a loving smile. “I’m good now.”
Sam presses his forehead to yours. “I love you. You know that right?”
“Of course.” You press a soft, lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I love you too.”
His content, happy, sigh—one of your favorite noises—lifts your heart out of the gloom.
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Recommending The X-Files to someone who hasn't seen it can be a challenge, because there are so many reasons to watch it. Yeah, it's about monsters and aliens and conspiracies and two very attractive people. But I think at its core, it stays relevant because it conveys so many timeless messages:
Be yourself. To me, that is a central lesson to take away from the show. There is Mulder: smart, well-educated, and with the chance to pursue a great and successful career in the FBI. But what drives him is his search for the truth, a truth that nobody else believes in. He sits in a basement office, people call him 'Spooky,' nobody takes him seriously. He even refers to himself as "the FBI's most unwanted." He's making a joke, but he's not joking. He's well aware of his reputation and still chooses his own path, the one he believes in. From the beginning, he is unapologetically himself. And that is what makes us love him.
The same is true for Scully. She doesn't believe what Mulder believes. She's a scientist and she remains one. And she doesn't have to stay in that basement with Mulder. She knows his reputation and knows it will become hers as well if she stays. Staying won't gain her any respect among her peers and it won't advance her career, but it's what she wants to do. She may not agree with Mulder's theories and challenges them with science, but she believes in the work. She is who she is, and that proves to be the best thing for their success as well as their partnership.
They both doubt themselves, repeatedly. But they always come back to who they are. And that self-doubt is so very relatable, which, paradoxically, is exactly what makes watching them so encouraging: it's impossible to go through life never doubting yourself, but if you are true to yourself, you might be amazed at what you can achieve.
Hang in there. There are obstacles in their way that seem really fucking impossible to overcome. The fight they're fighting seems like it's already lost so, so many times. They are only two people, up against a corrupt system and conspiracies of truly giant magnitude. They wouldn't even need an excuse to give up; it would be only too understandable if they did. But they don't.
And they don't win every fight. They lose a lot of the time, and they face great personal losses on top of that. But there is always something left that keeps them going. They look for it, and they find it. And it's worth it.
Everyone knows the feeling that there is simply no point to anything anymore. But Mulder and Scully say that there is. Mulder and Scully want you to get out of bed in the morning, because there's always something that's worth the effort, even if it takes you a while to see it. Listen to them! It may not always be apparent in the moment, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.
"Nobody gets there alone" is such a popular theme throughout the show -- especially Mulder has a tendency to go off on his own in the beginning, and always realises pretty quickly that he needs Scully with him if he wants to solve their case. Whether they need each other to argue out their conflicting theories or whether they just need someone to be there and listen and offer support, they can't do it without each other.
They help each other through everything. They are a shoulder to cry on for each other, and they are there for each other to share the good things. Just one example that kicks me in the feelings every time is the cancer arc, where it's not just Scully who needs Mulder for support, it is also Mulder who needs Scully. Because her diagnosis pulls the rug right out from under his feet.
Going through hell is easier with someone else by your side, and they prove that time and time again. The message is clear: don't feel like you have to shoulder everything alone. Trust that someone else wants to be there for you. And sometimes, meet up at night to teach them how to play baseball. Being there for each other also means having fun together.
Love is strength. That seems like an obvious one, but it's so complex. They love each other, yes. Deeply. But what do we, as an audience, take away from that? The most important point seems to me that love comes in many forms, and that loving someone and letting yourself be loved gives you a reason to hold on even when you think you can't. At the beginning of season 2 when they're separated, they still have each other's backs. They need things fixed not only for themselves, but for each other.
Mulder and Scully do not admit one of the ways in which they love each other for a long time. And yet they express their deep affection for each other in so many other ways, whether it's simply listening, or going completey insane with worry when one of them is in trouble.
It doesn't always matter what we call 'love.' What's important is that we let people in. That we let them close. Don't hold people at arm's length because you don't know what you might miss. Do small and simple things for each other. Hug someone. Encourage them to believe in themselves. Take them seriously. Let them know that you care about them. It means the world.
Trust someone. A recurring phrase in the show is "trust no one," but what it always comes down to is that the opposite is what helps us stay afloat. We need each other to survive. We all feel alone and like nobody understands what we're going through. We have thoughts that seem too weird or too personal to share, even though we desperately want to talk about them.
Mulder's theories are wild to the extreme. And the story about his sister and his trauma connected to that is such a private thing. But he tells Scully, and that doesn't make it go away, but he's no longer alone with it. They cry in front of each other. They can let go around each other. That's why it hits so hard when Scully thinks Mulder betrayed her in 'Wetwired' -- that is one of her deepest fears, and shows how important it is for them to know they're on the same side and have each other's backs.
The world is too much for any of us to take on alone, but baring your soul to someone is scary. However, whatever emotional baggage we're carrying and no matter how heavy it is, sometimes it gets a little lighter, even for just a moment, when somebody tells us we're not alone.
In the end what it all comes down to is that if we believe in ourselves and in each other, we can do it. What we can take away from it is hope, encouragement to never stop asking the big questions, and the belief that if we overcome our differences and love each other for who we are, we can achieve anything. That is what the show is all about. And that is why it never gets old.
#the x files#txf#x files#mulder and scully#I have so many feelings about this show#and it always feels so inadequate to say 'because it's good' when you want to convince someone to watch it#it really is timeless#the reasons to love it are endless#I mean. I could go on.#and on#and on and on#but this is the essence of it for me
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Given recent discussions in the fandom and because I’m curious to hear others’ opinion… would you want to see a Chenford breakup next season?
All right, let me start with my usual disclaimer : this is only my opinion and it has no more (or less) value than anyone else's. And this isn't meant as a personal attack either, regardless of which side of the equation you're in. I actually enjoyed reading other people's takes on this, particularly the ones who want a breakup, to see their perspective on the subject. It was truly interesting (no sarcasm).
To answer your question, dear Anon, no, I don't want a breakup. Mainly because I feel that so many shows go there, so I'm more interested in seeing Tim and Lucy navigate the ups and downs together.
One thing that attracted me to their relationship was their ability to talk to each other about everything and anything. How, despite their differences and their rocky start, they could always confide in each other… Be extremely vulnerable. And that is what I would love to see going forward. How this shorthand they've developed by working together can translate into their personal relationship.
Don't get me wrong, just because they are usually good at communicating doesn't mean that it is perfect. It's not. Even before they became a couple. There are some cracks that became more and more visible as the season progressed. The theme of 'honesty' was their main thread in 5b. The storylines involving Sava & Jake or Isabel served to highlight that aspect. To emphasise how lies, deceit and miscommunication can destroy a relationship. Now it could be used as a foreshadowing… Or it could be used as a warning. Tim and Lucy already have a much stronger relationship, so I choose to believe that this could be a learning experience for them. Learn from other people's mistakes, learn from your past (in Tim's case).
Right now, those moments of dishonesty revolves around one common theme : work.
Tim taking a desk job without consulting Lucy first… Lucy doing the five-player trade behind his back… Him trying to lie at first that he wasn't bored out of his mind… Her not saying anything about Primm (as far as we know)… Him not wanting to open up about his fears regarding undercover…
Those are starting to pile up and they're going to need to address it. The sooner, the better. Particularly the undercover talk. This has been a long time coming. It's clear that Tim is terrified but doesn't want to burden Lucy with this. And she can sense it. That last scene in 5.21 was (for me) a step in the right direction where they started voicing their concerns. It's nowhere near sufficient. But they stopped avoiding that topic altogether.
Like I said, they can be great at communicating… But they can also be their own worst enemies. They're both selfless when it comes to the other… they're both used to do things a certain way. And now, they need to learn how to do these things together. To talk about these moments that may seem insignificant to them but isn't to the other. To stop making decisions for the other. This is quite new to them : as we've seen in the past, they didn't truly open up to their boyfriends/girlfriends. That's something they are going to have to learn together. And that's okay : this is part of the journey of being in a relationship.
Another reason why I don't want to see that is related to the characters' growth.
The thing is, I actually could picture Tim breaking up with Lucy because there is a pattern here. If he got it into his head that he is holding Lucy back, an idea already planted by Noah in 5.16, then yes, it wouldn't be out of character for him to break up, thinking it's the right thing to do for Lucy. Which is not that dissimilar to what he did in 5.02 : sure, they weren't together, but it still felt like a separation. Especially since the end of that scene mirrored so well another one from 1.12… when he decided to divorce Isabel. And if you remember, that was pretty much for that very same reason : he was afraid that being with him would only remind her of her time as an addict and bring her down. So he did what he thought would help her the most and decided to divorce her. So breaking that pattern would be a tremendous character development for Tim (in my opinion).
Then, there's the fact that this is something they knew would be coming up at some point. This isn't a new obstacle. The episode before they got together had Lucy go undercover. And Tim, even more so than her, knew what he was getting into when he told her that it was worth the risk. He may not have explicitly said it but the implication that she was worth fighting for was right there. So breaking up for something that they could foresee kind of negates those words.
And it would play right into Lucy's insecurities. She was so hesitant because she didn't want to lose what they have. She is finally letting go of the fears that prevented her before from fully committing to a relationship… Her certainty in them is absolutely amazing. So breaking up now would hurt her so much.
(I focused mostly on Tim here because I struggle to see a reason for Lucy to break up. At least, not if this is related to her career, be it undercover work or her promotion).
Now, that's not to say that it can't be executed in a beautiful way. Sometimes breaking up can help strengthen a relationship, as odd as it might seem. Sometimes it gets too much and taking a step back can offer a new perspective and a fresh start on healthier grounds. Just like sticking in a relationship at all costs can be very damaging and toxic. I mean, take a look at Lucy and Tim in their last respective relationships… They stayed well past the expiration date.
But I, personally, would rather see them work this out together. See them 'fight' and argue, like they've done in the past… that very same thing they didn't do with Ashley and Chris. See them all vulnerable with each other, like they've also done in the past. I honestly think the writers could pull off the angst and drama with this storyline, without having to resort to a breakup.
But again, that's only my preference :)
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masked chimes au master post
(by boatem, convex-solos and me)
[convex centric superhero au where everyone other than joe hills suffers, is evil or both]
[disclaimer: this au is divided into 3 acts, as far as act 1 is kept light-hearted, act 2 and 3 bring up dark topics (manipulation, strong violence, death unhealthy relationships, etc.) so if it's not your jam, proceed with caution! or don't proceed at all]
[it also has elements of shipping (cubscar, bigren, biggri, solidaritimes) so, keep that in mind]
[also grian uses she/her. cause why the hell not]
designs (so far):
• jingler & (act 1) jangler
• stress, (act 1) scar, joe
• (act 2) jangler , cub, grian
• bigb, ren, doc
• cleo
• vault busters (iskall & mumbo)
• false, jimmy, pearl
• mother spore
• jingler & jangler (act 3)
• gem / dawnbreaker
• etho
the world is kept in modern times ableit not realistic, some people have hybrid body parts however it doesn't majorly affect their life, they're mostly just design choices
character roles (act 1):
- jingler: cub's persona, an undefeated supervillain, terrorizing the city for fun
- cub: scar's roommate, studied medicine but works retail, tired
- scar: cub's roommate, works at anything as anyone (barbie LOL) hence has money to support both him and cub, childhood best friend of mumbo and grian, extremely full of himself
- grian: a detective working on the case of the jingler, childhood best friend of mumbo and scar, crushes on bigb
- jangler: scar's hero persona, created for the sole purpose of fighting against the jingler, offers his help to grian (who in desperation, accepts)
- ren: in a day to day life he's the owner of the shop cub works at but has knowledge in spy gadgets, gets called for special jobs - currently working in espionage helping grain, has an unofficial thing going on with bigb
- doc: tech guy, met ren when he was tasked to create his prosthetic after an accident in the past, currently working in general tech helping grian, (later creates weapons for jangler to use)
- pearl: grian's boss, should've fired her on probably 5 different occasions
- iskall: villain (retired supervillain), currently focusing on robbery rather than causing chaos and violence
- mumbo: villain, iskall's sidekick, childhood best friend of scar and grian, was NOT made for the role of a villain but is scraping for money (rip), has no interest in harming anyone, he's just in for the cash
(they don't really go by any specific names and are rather seen as a complete duo of vault busters)
- stress: retired supervillain (who worked alongside iskall), currently living a peaceful life as an owner of a flower shop
- bigb: owner of a bakery, has an unofficial thing going on with ren, like the only genuine fan of the jangler
- false&jimmy: sheriffs (as in, police level) assigned the case of vault busters
(jimmy and lizzie are blood related and grian is their adopted sibling)
important events (act 1):
- scar and cub didn't know each other before living together. cub met scar one evening when the latter was going home after one of his many jobs, they briefly talked. scar spiked cub's interest as despite clear signs of a crime committed on his clothes were visible, scar didn't mention them at all. he later found out that scar was looking for a flatmate and offered himself.
- grian is overworked, not even close to revealing the identity nor capturing the jingler, without thinking too much about it she rambles about the case to scar whenever they meet for a friendly chat. that's when scar gets the idea to become the jangler ("someone would have to be insane enough to face jingler in combat") but not really because he cares about the greater good of the city - he sees it as an easy opportunity to get fame. [🟣][🟠]
- jangler would've easily lost to the jingler if it wasn't for the fact cub recognizes his roommate (it's painfully obvious really, he doesn't understand how no one else sees it, cartoon logic) and after some dodging he flees the battlefield leaving scar behind. for the first time, someone has survived a duel with the jingler.
- even though he never actually comes close to harming or even scathing the jingler, grian's new companion sparks fresh hope into her and the future of the case. her and her team of doc and ren start working on more complicated tech and weapons. (the success also makes grian not even consider scar to be the new hero. she greatly undermines his abilities).
- [ending of act 1]
jangler is awaiting the arrival of the jingler when the vault busters stumble upon him. past urges awaken in iskall as he senses a perfect opportunity to fight the only undefeated enemy of the jingler. long story short, they fight, mumbo messes up scar's face on accident (which leaves the left side of his face covered in burn scars), cub arrives and saves scar. [here's a fic of the scene written by our friend!]
character roles (act 2):
[if someone isn't mentioned, their role stays the same][the vibe turns a whole 180° from now on]
- cub: scar's boyfriend with no genuine feelings of love towards him, treats scar as his science project
- scar: cub's partner, borderline obsessed with him, craves all his attention
- jangler: now a supervillain working alongside cub, loves playing with fire
- ren: fucking dead (the jingler kills him 🙏)
- grian: a detective throughout the first half of the act. after jangler leaves and ren dies, the case is in shambles; gets demoted to vault busters' case and false with jimmy take her place
- mother spore: grian's vigilante persona, created after her demotion and finding out the identities of jingler and jangler. decides to take matters in her own hands and forms the resistance
- joe: silly character with massive plot armor [best explained here], film uni student who wants to make a movie about jingler and jangler for their thesis, best friend of cleo
- cleo: film directing student at the same uni as joe, accompanies him in his observations and recordings, admires jingler's ability to unnoticeably lead a performance, best friend of joe
- stress: accidentally gets roped into grian's resistance, reveals her knowledge of heroes and villains
- mumbo: the wettest rag of a character, gets his leg chopped off by the jangler (😢), retires as a villain after that
- iskall: after mumbo gets injured he blames himself for it (it's the second time his companion suffers meanwhile he leaves unscathed) - he turns himself in
- jimmy: now working on the main case, convinced there's a thing between him and scar - scar however uses jimmy's infatuation to gather information that might help him and cub [🟠]
- bigb: ren's death takes a huge toll on him, grian gets closer to him
important events (act 2)
- after the fight with vault busters, cub saves scar and takes him to his hiding spot. he reveals his identity and offers scar to join him instead. cub tells scar how actually weak he is and that people don't consider him great. he also offers that beside him, he will get a taste of real fame.
- scar and cub burn the old outfit of the jangler together. it awakens scar's love for fire meanwhile cub showcases and offers the new suit - revealing his plan has been in the making for a while. [🔵]
"Scar treats being the Jangler as a performance. He doesn’t really treat all the atrocities he commits with the seriousness they should have."
- in the meantime while scar heals, jingler keeps on the down low but isn't restless. during one of his shifts cub messes up and while chatting with ren, mentions information about the latest doings of the jingler only classified people would have access to. he's forced to and murders ren.
- grian is the person to break the news to bigb. they become closer.
- scar makes sure to make his return and reveal a big thing. the jingler calls grian and doc to announce he's holding the jangler hostage. upon arrival, they reveal there's no hostage. scar only craved an audience. after this scene, grian loses the case.
- the jangler takes mumbo's leg just basically as a revenge. lol. he didn't want to kill him but wanted to make him never forget.
- joe becomes one of the victims of jingler and jangler. or better said, was supposed to. the guy doesn't seem to be able to die and after a while the duo becomes so fascinated by him they just let him live. he offers to make a film about them, thinking of them more of as actors than threat. cub out of curiosity and sheer ridiculousness agrees and scar considers what he's doing to be a performance anyways. (joe never finds out their identities though)
- scar and grian end up in an argument over jimmy and cub which results in scar revealing to be the jangler. he promises grian that he will kill her. you can read a fic of this scene here!
- after finding out about mumbo's injury iskall feels incredibly guilty and turns himself in. he's judged only for his present crimes and gets a community work sentence (grian figures out mumbo must've been the other vb member but stays quiet. how she isn't fired is anyone's guess).
- cub and scar go into hiding and grian decides to take matters into her own hands, directly this time. she forms the resistance and mother spore.
[a great fic of one of the fights between mother spore and the jingler and jangler, by vexcraft our beloved]
- [ending of act II]
once again, a big fight, jingler and jangler are against the resistance (yet again)
this time the resistance comes out as victorious and the fight ends in cub getting gravely injured and scar turning himself in, considering it the better option than letting cub die.
act III (general info)
[this part is still a big work in progress so not many things are settled on]
- the main premise is basically that scar and cub end up in jail (losers). cub loses an eye after the fight with grian (both him and scar losing what matters more to each of them - cub utility and scar, appearance).
- scar doesn't cope well with being away from cub and not knowing his state
- false and jimmy interrogate them
- they manage to escape but as i said, it's only a brief outline, no details on when and how yet
[the post will get progressively updated]
#VERY long post#masked chimes au master post#masked chimes au#convex#uhhh if you read this you deserve financial recompensation
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Love in the Big City Part 3: Kylie Recontextualizes Everything
I have waffled all week about what to write about this chapter. There have been some great essays about HIV and the stigma in Korea by @stuffnonsenseandotherthings here, as well as how antiretrovirals and pre-exposure prophylactics work and when they were available from @wen-kexing-apologist here. This context was all critical to understand everything Young doesn’t talk about in this section of the book.
I’ve been stuck on so many parts of this section of the book. The way stigma holds people back from care, from maintenance, from life-saving treatment and knowledge, from understanding their condition and preventing them unnecessarily from living a full life, which @doyou000me had me thinking about with their comments about Young’s coping mechanisms of minimization and emotional distance that possibly worked in conjunction with the Korean government healthcare policies and social stigma to keep Young from being informed about his own condition. The way Young holds himself back from happiness, and how it’s so heartbreaking to watch him open up to it slowly in this section and then, as @my-rose-tinted-glasses wrote , he let the shame and self-loathing take control again. The way this relationship feels so real; @lurkingshan wrote so eloquently on how this section describes the details of a relationship as it started to settle. The relationship with Hyung was entirely ephemeral, in the liminal period of time between when Young was visiting his mother in hospital and before everything opened again for the day. There is so much that Young and Hyung never talked about–more than was obvious in chapter 2, because he never told Hyung about Kylie. In contrast, as @bengiyo pointed out, his relationship with Gyu-Ho started with honesty and was rooted in the physical presence of their apartment, which as a beautiful metaphor was grounded and improved slowly over time through the work they put into it but was also too small for them.
I keep thinking about how Part 3 is bookended by Young disappointing Gyu-Ho with his absence. How he leaves him at the airport both times, thinking he’s doing Gyu-Ho a favour actually–he characterizes Gyu-Ho’s trip to Japan without him as much more fun, and he imagines Gyu-Ho’s future in Singapore will be better. In both cases, Gyu-Ho was only going because of Young, because Young wanted to, and Young planned it. But our narrator cannot get past seeing himself as something that brings Gyu-Ho down, and so he sabotages his own future. I feel for Gyu-Ho, being shepherded onto a plane alone when he was envisioning his future with the man he loved. It must have been devastating to be pushed away.
This is not related to anything but I just love the detail of Young’s split lip and how he tastes blood when he kisses Gyu-Ho while drunk at the club and not yet knowing his name, and then panics, and we as readers don’t yet know why. Brilliant storytelling.
I can’t stop thinking about how this reveal recontextualizes everything in parts 1 and 2. How the “incident that earned me a medical discharge” means Kylie was already in Young’s life as he took the engineering student he was seeing with him to get an STD check; as he was screamed at by an ex who prophesied that Young would get sick from being promiscuous and called him a ‘dirty rag that could never be cleaned’, which Young took with stoicism. I loved @bengiyo ‘s observation in his post linked above that Kylie’s presence likely coloured his reaction to Jaehee outing him to her fiance.
Kylie was present as he watched his coffee be stolen by Hyung, when he thought about introducing Hyung to his mother, while he was wrestling with how Hyung (and, I think the narration makes clear, how he) was ashamed at how Young couldn’t ‘pass’ and was ‘obviously gay’, when he choked Hyung in his mother’s kitchen and it was seeing his tears on Hyung’s face that made Young let go. Kylie was part of him when he drank pesticide and tried to die, while he sat by his mother’s sickbed and had her head in his lap in the park, when he said “disease can turn anyone into a completely different person”, when he said he would “hope that she would die without having known.”
Mostly, my brain keeps getting stuck on how familiar Young is to me. His choices, his self-loathing, his refusal to take anything seriously because at his core he’s terrified of facing what his reality means. And that fear ironically gets in the way of him understanding that his reality is not as scary as he thinks it is. He functions like he has to be alone, and so much of that comes from his internalized homophobia and his HIV diagnosis. He’s been told he’s dirty, something to be cleaned but irreparable, by so many people in different ways through his life. The man he claims as his greatest love barely even liked him as a person, and didn’t fully know him. I think that’s why he was able to feel more fully with Hyung, because in a way that relationship felt safer..Gyu-Ho, the person who knew all of him, and who wanted to build a life together with that complete and full knowledge of him, must have been terrifying, and I’m not surprised it felt easier to push him away than to fight for their future together. But it breaks my heart.
There’s something rattling in my head about the T-aras that I don’t really know how to get out onto the page. In this chapter it’s revealed that the T-aras have been around the whole time, but they weren’t mentioned in parts 1 and 2. I think the fact that Young’s life feels more rounded, filled in with other people, and rich, than in parts 1 and 2 speaks to his emotional state in this part, as well as to how his time with Gyu-Ho wasn’t obsession but was more grounded in the mundane and the everyday. The T-aras themselves feel like familiar friends. Like with Hyung and JaeHee (at first), Young is drawn to people who he can remain emotionally distant from and who remain emotionally distant from him. People who will buy the story of “ruptured disc” for why he left military service early. People who joke about being poz and won’t ask questions and who hear the news about his new boyfriend as an ‘in’ to their favourite club. People who don’t take things seriously (or in Hyung’s case take things so seriously that Young can’t take him seriously). I was so glad to find out they existed because up to this point Young felt so isolated most of the time, with his world circling around one obsession in each part. But he had the T-aras the whole time; I’m choosing to read this as he just didn’t hold their importance to him in the same way in parts 1 and 2. As was already clear in the narrative but this makes even more obvious, Young’s isolation is not only self-inflicted but it’s in some ways a lie he tells himself to feel safer. He has friends, he just refuses to acknowledge their presence or importance, or to let them in to be more important, because he is so braced for being rejected for core parts of him that cannot be excised.
#litbc book club#love in the big city#sorry i'm so late with this one#this got more florid than i like to be#this Part had me way too in my feelings
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leverage s5 revised episode order
so it's my understanding that it's pretty much general consensus that s5 is setting up the ot3 endgame, showing us throughout the season how close they are and how well they work together and establishing their relationship the best way they can without the network realising, right? we see this in how they do historical episodes, always pairing Nate and Sophie but they've paired Parker and Hardison and Parker and Eliot, and in the present they've done Eliot and Hardison enough times. and so the finale, The Long Goodbye Job, is the final dot over the i to make that clear - Eliot, Parker, and Hardison die together in the fake scenario because anything else would be anathema, and they skip off into the sunset together as a three person Leverage team while Nate and Sophie skip off together as Out Of The Game, For Good
The Frame Up Job and The Rundown Job support this by showing us how well Eliot, Parker, and Hardison work together, how flawless a team (how thoroughly established an ot3) and by showing us Nate and Sophie as a thoroughly established married couple disgustingly in love and bickering and on the same wavelength
now I propose (and not just because of Eliot's haircut in The Rundown Job clearly indicating this episode should've come later in the season) that The Long Goodbye Job was not intended to be the series finale, and that The Frame Up Job and The Rundown Job were supposed to form a two-episode series finale directly following The Long Goodbye Job. soft epilogues, if you will
points to consider:
in both of those episodes, the other half of the team does not appear and is not even mentioned. it's not like the Girls / Boys Night Out episodes, where the episodes are mirrored and the team is working on related problems, and is then reunited at the end - these are entirely separate episodes featuring two independent teams
Vance to Eliot: "Hell, your girlfriend's already out of her cuffs." Nobody corrects him. Not Parker, not Hardison, and not Eliot. Ok this one doesn't prove episode order I just love this subtle ot3 confirmation moment
Sterling, to Nate and Sophie: "Now I know where you are. Call me. I'm hiring."
this was already funny as is, and we're presuming this is because Sterling hasn't found out where the team relocated to after Boston, but imagine if this is actually after The Long Goodbye Job? Sterling let them go. Nate pushed him and he came down on the side of thieves, and he let them go, and then couldn't find them but now he has and his frustration with the case and Nate and Sophie's casual disregard and the final 'I'm hiring'? It's been a couple of months since The Long Goodbye Job and this is the most fun Sterling has had in ages
but the ot3 half ok. so The Long Goodbye Job tells us that they die together and they live together, and they continue Leverage as a 3 person team. Give it a couple of months and they're in DC and they face a real life and death moment - and they live together.
and also, you get Eliot telling Vance "I work with them now" and then he limps bloodily off into the sunset squished between Hardison and Parker like the three of them are off to have some incredible sex
listen I just think season 5 makes so much more sense if we consider those two episodes as the episodes establishing the happily ever after epilogues after The Long Goodbye Job
also in Leverage: Redemption the very first episode we find out that Nate had a shady stash of paintings and materials and whatnot so what if that is actually a hint that Nate and Sophie did actually get back into the game, with Sterling, until Nate passed away and Sophie clocked out?
#leverage#leverage redemption#alec hardison#eliot spencer#parker leverage#sophie devereaux#nate ford#leverage meta#i have been thinking about this a lot
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Fault
Emily Prentiss x reader
Warnings: language, arguments, break ups, cheating, angst, unsub situations, gunshots, character death.
Covers a bingo square, a req from Lu & a req from anon.
Working with you ex wasn’t exactly ideal, being partnered up for a case was even less ideal and being trapped with them in an SUV for a seven hour stakeout was the absolute worst. But you’d come to the conclusion that that’s what you get when you decide to dip your pen in the company ink.
Emily glanced over at you from her spot in the driver’s seat, your foot was propped up on the dash, using your knee to brace your elbow on, chin in your hand as you chewed at your lower lip. You caught the movement out of the corner of your eye but your gaze stayed trained on the unsub’s house in front of you, not moving an inch. Emily let out a sigh, dropping her phone down into the cupholder,
“Starting to think this is a waste of time.” She muttered, glancing between the house and you but got nothing in return. After a brief pause she spoke again, “I mean are we even sure he’s actually in there?” You didn’t need to answer her question, not that you would have, the unsub walked right passed one of the lit windows and Emily huffed. “Maybe we should just move in, we’ve got the warrant?”
Still, not so much as a grunt in return from you and this time she rolled her eyes, glancing back to the house once more before she let the frustration get the best of her.
“Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?”
Your hand shifted down, plucking your coffee cup from the holder, lifting it to your lips to take a sip before you finally spoke.
“I have…nothing to say to you.” The cup returned to its previous spot, “I’m here to do a job, not gossip.”
“I asked work related questions.” Her voice hardened slightly, she didn’t want to pick a fight, but going into hour eight of silence was just getting under her skin. You let out a huff, risking a glance over at her.
“This isn’t a waste of time. He’s inside the house, we just saw that. We’re not moving in without back up or confirmation that he’s got Rebecca inside. If we move in otherwise, he could end up getting shot or killing himself and then we’ll never find Rebecca.” You ticked off each point on your fingers as you went, rolling your eyes at her before you returned to your previous position. “Thought you were a decorated agent.” You muttered under your breath and it was Emily’s turn to roll her eyes.
“So you’re just going to ignore me for the rest of all time?”
“What did the bunny from Bambi say again? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”
“God you’re ridiculous.” She scoffed.
“Not exactly like I’m enjoying this either.” You grumbled back, picking up your coffee for another sip, “god I could kill Hotch.”
“Maybe it wasn’t Hotch’s idea.” She muttered, ducking her gaze and your face finally swivelled to face her, though it was pure anger written across your features.
“Are you fucking serious?!” You could feel your blood beginning to boil, the urge to hit something building higher within you, “after everything you thought it would be a great idea to be stuck on a stakeout together? You’re insane.”
“Thought it might help to clear the air, make it so neither of us were walking on eggshells anymore.”
“And somehow I’m the one being ridiculous? God.” You rolled your eyes, your hand clenching into a fist as your nails dug into your skin, attempting to hold back the multiple emotions building higher inside you. You could feel your gut churning and you weren’t sure if it was out of hatred toward Emily or your body trying to expel your emotions through tears. And you certainly weren’t willing to let her see you cry.
“I just wanted to be able to be civil.”
“I’ve been perfectly professional! You’re the one who broke it and keeps trying to fix it when you know it’s unrepairable.”
“I said I was sorry!” Her voice raised, the frustration evident in her words and you simply scoffed, staring ahead in the direction of the house.
“Yeah well band aids don’t fix bullet holes, you say sorry just for show.”
“Did you seriously just quote Taylor fucking Swift to me?! This is why you can’t have a real functional adult relationship or find someone who you think is so ‘worthy of your love’, everything has to be a fucking fairy tale in your head. You’re living in a fucking fantasy! Everything isn’t all princesses and rainbows and unicorns you know?” Emily was doing her best to get under your skin and you knew it, the struggles of her being a profiler, she knew exactly how to do it. You realized now wasn’t the best time, but you couldn’t hold it back anymore, if now was your time to get a few kicks in, so be it.
“Considering we’re sitting outside a serial killers house right now, I think I know what the real world is like, thank you very much. I don’t need a fairy tale! I’m well aware that things are hard and it isn’t all sunshine, I never held you to any kind of standard, I never demanded flowers or even asked for weekly dates. I just wanted someone with some common fucking courtesy. I wanted commitment! I asked you to move in, you bargained with exchanging keys, fine, I’ll take it. You used a sick day at work and I was worried about you, so I went so fucking far out of my way to get your favourite soup, tea and medicine, thinking I was going to make sure you were taking care of yourself, remind you that you don’t need to suffer alone, that I loved you and was there to help. But when I got there I found you railing some bitch over the kitchen island?!” You shot her a glare and felt a little triumph when she visibly winced, not expecting you to blow up in the way you were, “I could’ve seen past it if it was a one time thing, if it was only sex, but you’re some kind of pathological liar! It’d been going on for months! You were volunteering to stay behind on cases so you could sneak off with her. It’s not exactly like I wasn’t around, wasn’t attentive, but clearly I was never going to be enough for you so you strung me along like some kind of puppet while you continued to cheat. You’re fucking vile.”
“It’s not like it meant anything!”
“Oh, yeah, right.” You laughed with a scoff.
“She was just convenient.”
“And what? I wasn’t around enough? Or was I smothering you? Because I’ve heard both already and they’re pretty contradictory.”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“Stop making excuses.” You spat, “you were the one who asked me to be your girlfriend, to make the step into what I at least thought was an exclusive relationship. You were the one who got all the paperwork filled out, reassured me that it wouldn’t affect the job, that everything would be fine. Sure isn’t fucking fine now.”
“I’m sorry.” She started and you glared in her direction, “we could start over?”
“I’m not that stupid Emily. Half of what you fed me were lies, how am I supposed to trust you again. I’m not even sure you have my back in the field anymore. Some things aren’t meant to be.”
“I—”
“Can we just focus on work! Please?!” You voice strained and you were suddenly looking back toward the unsubs house, not daring to glance Emily’s way, but even in the low glow of the moonlight she could see the tears shimmering in your eyes so she closed her mouth, lips pursed as she picked up her phone to check in with the others.
Awkward silence took over the SUV again, Emily chewing on her lip as she tried to not defend her actions any further or pry to get a response out of you. She knew this stakeout had been a risky idea when it came to pairing you together and so far it was certainly not going her way. It wasn’t that she thought she’d be able to win you back over stale coffee and forced conversation, she wasn’t even sure if she wanted that.
It was only once you were certain that she wasn’t going to try to strike up another conversation or argument that you relaxed slightly in your seat, sighing softly while you blinked the tears out of your eyes. You didn’t want to hold a grudge; you weren’t normally like that but Emily had hurt you more than anyone else had in your lifetime. You’d loved her with every inch of your being, bared your soul to her, dreamt of what a future together would be like, the kind of house you’d live in, the cozy life that you could have. And all of that, absolutely destroyed in a matter of seconds. Even after the original conversation you weren’t sure how often she had been lying to you and you were second guessing every excuse she’d ever made. Even if you wanted to, that trust was broken, and there was no chance of getting it back.
Out of the corner of her eye Emily caught your slight movement, the way your body tensed and you shifted forward, eyes narrowing and your voice soft when you spoke.
“He knows we’re here…” You murmured and when she glanced up, the unsub was standing in the large, now open living room window, staring directly at the SUV. A second later his arm darted out of view and when it returned, it was dragging Rebecca flush to his body, gun to her head. Even through the glass and down the side walk you could hear the girl screaming for her life, “shit!”
“We’re moving in!” Emily called through the radio.
There was a flurry of movement as the two of you raced from the car, guns drawn to approach the house, booting the door down to get inside.
“Steven Thomas, FBI!” Emily’s commanding voice broke through the girl’s cries for help, “drop the weapon.”
“Come any closer and I shoot her!” He fired back.
“We can all walk out of here safely.” You started, “that’s all we want.”
“I’m not leaving with you!” He shouted back, Rebecca whimpering and squirming in his arm.
“Okay!” Emily called back, “then you don’t leave with us. But how about she does?”
Normally you and Emily could work in perfect tandem to talk down an unsub, you’d done it plenty of times before, even after the break up. But there was something different about tonight, instead of just the unsub being on edge, everyone was, there was a tenseness that hung thick in the air. Neither you or Emily had calmed down from the argument in the car and it was evident in her voice, she hadn’t gotten what she wanted then and that made her more determined to get what she wanted now.
“Why would I give you my one bargaining chip?” Steven laughed darkly, “the second she’s one inch away from me, you take the shot. I know how this works.”
“No one has to fire any guns.” You started calmly, lowering your own, “you let Rebecca come to me and we can talk this out.” You still had your finger on the trigger, but the threat of the fire arm pointed toward the ground was certainly less. Emily stepped forward, her gun still raised and a fire behind her eyes.
“Tell this bitch to put her gun down!” He yelled, gesturing with his gun.
“That’s not gonna happen until you put yours down.” She shouted back, anger ringing through her words.
She was so focussed on finding the right pattern of words through the cloud of fury in her brain that she was a split second behind on noticing the physical queues. The moment Steven’s hand so much as twitched you knew it was coming, his arm raised like lightning, ready to take a clear head shot on Emily. You’d only meant to grab her arm, pull her back while you took your own shot but your foot caught on the torn up carpet, sending you jolting forward and you could only pray it wasn’t affecting your aim.
Rebecca was screaming, your ears were ringing, the sound driving so deep into your brain your vision started spinning. You could faintly hear Emily calling for a medic, blinking hard a couple of times you managed to get a clear sight line of Steven dead on the floor, Emily kicking away his gun while she tried to console Rebecca. Still, something wasn’t right, you couldn’t seem to catch your breath. Your gun clattered to the floor as your hands started to search your vest for where the bullet must’ve hit you and when you glanced down there was a searing pain in your neck and a drop of crimson dripped down your chest, the taste of copper infiltrating you mouth. Your hand flew to your neck, confused as to why it was as warm and wet as it was until your hand came back into your line of sight and you realized it was soaked with blood. You opened your mouth to speak, Emily’s name nothing but a choke on your lips as you coughed up a clot of blood and she whipped around.
“Fuck!” Somehow she managed to get to you before you hit the floor as your body started to lose all its strength. She dropped to the floor, cradling your head in her lap as her hands pressed hard against the wound in your neck, her eyes wide and terrified, “I thought he got you in the vest…”
“E—Em..” you coughed again, sputtering blood up again and she winced.
“Don’t try to speak.” Her voice was wavering, but it was soft, tender and somehow calming despite the pain raging through you, “where’s that medic?!” She called into the radio once again. Glancing back down at you her heart immediately began to pound in her ears, she could feel each beat of your pulse against her fingers where your blood was pushing its way out of your body and how with each beat it was growing weaker. Your breathing laboured, each breath was harder to take than the last and your eyes began to flutter. “Hey…” she gently nudged at you with her knee, “hey, you can stay awake, right? You can do that… I know you can. Y/n… come on, open those eyes up for me.”
Wincing, your eyes slowly blinked open, your vision still hazy but you could make out her worry stricken face above you. “Tired…” you managed to get out.
“I know, I know baby.” It slipped out, she didn’t even realize she’d said it, the hand that wasn’t pressing on the gunshot wound cupping your cheek, thumb soothing across it, “medics will be here soon, you just need to hold on, for me, okay?” It wasn’t until she saw something wet hit your cheek that she even realized she was crying, you did your best to nod, crying out at the pain in your neck and Emily’s hands were suddenly firmly holding you still.
“Em….” You rasped, eyes blinking as you fought like hell to stay awake and she looked down at you, nodding, you could barely feel her thumb stroking your cheek now, your words broken by heavy breathing and droplets of blood, “did… you ever mean it… when, when you said you… you… loved me?”
A sob broke through her lips and it took everything in her to not move, to not cover her face, to not lean down and kiss you, to try and wordlessly apologize for everything. Her lips quivered, her hand pressed harder on your neck, she could barely feel your pulse anymore and her fingers were slick with blood.
“Of course I did.” She nodded vehemently, “every time I said it, I meant it. I loved you so fucking much. I still do.” She sniffled, blinking back tears as she watched the corner of your lips twitch up into the closest thing to a smile you could manage, “I was stupid and I ruined things and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that.” She glanced up as she took a shuddering breath, trying to control her tears, “I don’t know why I did what I did, but I’m so sorry. I love you…” When she looked back down at you, your eyes were closed, blood trickling through her fingers, “y/n…” she shook you gently, “y/n!”
The second shake was harder, attempting to rouse you but she already knew, her hand was pressed too tightly to your neck for her to not. You were gone.
Sobs wracked through her, her body shaking as she clutched you to her, not wanting to let go. If you’d asked, that was her last memory of that day. She couldn’t remember the team arriving, Hotch physically dragging her off your lifeless form as she cried into his shoulder, covering him with tears and blood. She had no memory of getting home, showering, the sleepless nights that came afterward.
All she could think of was you.
And that it was all her fault.
She was the one who fucked up the relationship. She was the one who begged for the pairings to be swapped around, she was supposed to be with Morgan in that car. She was the one who instigated the argument in the car, brought the tension of the night up, she’d distracted the both of you from the task at hand and successfully got you shot. If she hadn’t been paying attention to Rebecca, if she’d even bothered to glance back at you, maybe she would’ve realized sooner, would’ve been able to call earlier for a medic, emphasize the severity of the situation.
Not to mention… the shot had been meant for her.
Emily couldn’t help but think that it should’ve been her in the casket as she watched you be lowered into the ground. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. You didn’t deserve this. You deserved a world of happiness, sunshine, flowers and most importantly of love. She hadn’t deserved you. And you certainly didn’t deserve the treatment she’d given you; you deserved the world.
And she would never forget it.
Not a single week went by where there weren’t fresh flowers at your grave. It was the least she could do.
__________
@mickey-gomez @momlifebehard cm @melindawarnersgf @somethingimaginative17 @temilyrights @alexxavicry @daddy-heather-dunbar @aliensaurusrex @rustyzebra @ilovemycrayons @mandy-asimp @leftoverenvy @kades95 @dextur @m00nkn1ghts @supercriminalbean @daffodil-heart @its-soph-xx @going-gray @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @hopelesslyfallenninlove @peanutbutterprincess @kdaghay @emilyprentisssluvr @lex13cm @zizzlekwum @emobabeyy @riveramorylunar @s1ut4nat @midnight-sapphic @scorpsik @prentiss-theorem @unsubologyy @strongsassysexysloane @happenstnces @sapphicprentiss @heidss @geekyandgay98 @pagetboobstarcomments @onmykneesformarvel @inlovewithemilyprentiss @akingcalledkris @desperate-gay @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @theclassicgaycousin @kalixxa @alexusonfire
#criminal minds#emily prentiss#emily prentiss x reader#k2023bdaybingo#angst#emily prentiss angst#emily prentiss one shot#hurt#break up#character death
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─★°࿔ 𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐝'𝐬 𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 ₀₁ .ᐟ
from polaroids, to poems, to random sketches & songs she's shazaming behind someone's back; astrid's sketchbook is without a doubt the window to her soul. she's rarely without it on hand or in her tote bag, graphite pencils shoveled into the metal coil in case she wished to take note of something (she rarely ever does). she used to worry about people, namely ximena, looking through it however a few offhanded mentions of her latest 18+ commission seemed to steer her clear away from anything remotely art related in astrid's possession. unwilling to let just anyone see or even in her sketchbook; the abundance of names and content relating to valpo residents surprised even astrid when reviewing her latest completed book.
─★°࿔ 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐬 .ᐟ
xime: likely from one of their midday trips around vina del mar, astrid's quite fond of photos and will lug around her camera in order to get these shots. she tends to claim that it's for landscape shots as she really should be working on her background work but she often folds and ends up using her film on xime. in this case, she does plan on using it to facilitate her practice for once.
luna: which building is this from again ? it's not like astrid can keep track. she'd brought the camera along to get cold hard proof of any supernatural occurrences but the sign was too eerie for her to not snap a photo of. given that it was toppled and in english she figured one photo wouldn't hurt. that was the last of her film and ghostly encounters had to be recounted purely by word of mouth.
kaito: she never really intended to draw kaito, something of an itchy trigger finger enticed her to snap the photo. hidden behind the other polaroids and recently defaced she knows she should be rid of the photo but can't muster up the strength to toss it. when sandstorm has failed to do its job and ground astrid, she fishes the photo out and contemplates erasing the marks. thankfully, she's stayed strong so far.
leia: after a sweaty morning looking for a gecko she'd spotted, astrid decided to just use the film meant for the reptile on leia while they awaited cool beverages in a nearby cafe. as luck would have it the small animal darted across their feet as they exited the establishment sending the pair on another wild chase ending with clear photos of leia and their beverages and blurry ones of a green tail connected to a body just out of sight.
─★°࿔ 𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 .ᐟ
most sketches in this book are humanoid, captioned with idle thoughts that strike her during and/or after the sketch is completed. luna is featured as an elf loosely inspired by astrid's own fleating interest in bg3. it passed fairly quickly however not before they'd been drawn and astrid began thinking up possible names for the piece. it's still a wip. noah is also featured more directly as she'd gotten him to 'model' for her between the fidgeting and astrid's unexplainable aversion to looking into his eyes it's a surprised she'd gotten even half of it done. idle hand sketches referenced from shows and her aforementioned model. poses are likely done by way of photo references hence her love for her camera. asking anyone she knows to sit still and be quiet is a task astrid is aware they're incapable of and she's taken steps to combat the issue.
─★°࿔ 𝐩𝐨𝐞𝐦𝐬 / 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 .ᐟ
i am a burning ship; a vicinity one must always flee.
mistaking kindness for tokens of love.
i know i make it very hard to love me.
i’ve yet learned how to wear my rage.
i am sometimes so close to drowning that I can hear the rivers singing through my body.
for lack of better word, these are musings! thoughts that come to her in the dead of night; things that crawl from her mind onto the pages. she often wakes the next day and finds it all very cringy opting to cover the lines with photos and washi tape. doesn't wipe it from her mind though and she works on putting it into more polished works (the piles of finished poetry she burns every full moon).
ok! that's a peak into astrid's sketchbook for this month/bimonth? idk, i would like to do this semi-regulary as she grows as a person and artist though. if you made it this far yippee! ty for caring about my lil loser <3
#જ⁀➴ 𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒅 ꙳ ( 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗄𝖾𝗍𝖼𝗁𝖻𝗈𝗈𝗄 : 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗉𝗈) ꙳#જ⁀➴ 𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒅 ꙳ ( 𝗆𝗎𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒: 𝗆𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌) ꙳#polaroids r not going anywhere me fears ...#all art from! azizlaswiftwind#valpoinspo
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