#why did they change it to fucking Groove Music
Text
Windows Media Player! :D
wish i could find the red skin!!! :-(
#2000s#2010s#wmp#windows media player#windows#windows xp#windows 7#windows vista#old internet#old web#webcore#frutiger aero#nostalgia#00s#10s#skeuomorphic#skeuomorphism#skeuomorph#childhood#why did they change it to fucking Groove Music#media player 4 life
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Nightlife 2
Warnings: dark elements to come. Proceed with caution.
Note: I know what you’re thinking, why the fuck are you doing this? Well, you wanted bouncer Lee and I did too. Also, short!reader, not sorry.
Feedback is always welcome. Love you and thanks for reading and any thoughts you have.♥♥♥♥
Lee has Raquel on his arm as you’re on her other side. He nods at the other bouncer as you emerge into the night chill. The man is even bigger than the one helping you, with a dark trim of hair along his lip.
You follow Lee to a dark car parked around the side of the building in an employee spot. He gets Raquel into the front seat and buckles her in. You watch as he lifts her head and tries to peel back her eyelids to check her pupils. He sighs.
“You young ones like your sambuca,” he shakes his head as he stands straight and shuts the door gently, careful that she’s full inside. “Most of ya.”
As he looks at you, you bounce on your toes and give a sheepish smile. “Thank you, sir,” you squeak, ears still buzzing from the blast of music in the club, “um, er…”
“Y’okay, sweetheart?” He asks, “you good in the back seat? You don’t get car sick or nothing?”
“No, sir, um,” you play with the loose hem of your blouse, “um, do you still have my phone?”
“Ah, shoot,” he pats his pants pockets, “I knew I was forgettin’ something.” He searches, feeling around and finally his deep blues eyes spark. He smirks crookedly and reaches into his chest pocket, “sorry ‘bout that, sweet thing.”
He hands it back and you accept it with a quiet thank you. He puts his hand on the roof of the car and stares at you. What do you do next?
“I didn’t get your name, sweetheart.”
“Oh!” You open your eyes wide, “yeah, uh…”
You give your name as he listens intently. He repeats it back to you, as if feeling it on his tongue. “I get that right?”
“Yeah,” you confirm, “er, should we…”
You peek through the window at Raquel and he shifts to look over his shoulder. He nods and pivots.
“Yeah, you’re right. Sooner your friend lays down, sooner she’ll sober up.”
He strides around the front of the car and you get in the back seat. You clutch your phone tightly and check the time. It’s late! You don’t stay up very much, even on weekends.
The car dips beneath his weight and he settles in, turning the engine as he checks the mirror. He grips the shifter and pauses, glancing back at you through the shadows.
“All buckled up, sweetheart?”
“Yes, sir,” you answer.
“You know, I’m no sir, you don’t needa do all that,” he chuckles as he slowly leans on the gas.
“I’m sorry, s– Lee,” you correct yourself.
“It’s fine. No reason to be sorry,” he coaxes as he turns out of the lot, “how about some music? You like music?”
He flicks on the radio as he keeps one hand on the wheel. Bruce Springsteen flows from the speakers but he’s quick to change the station. He pushes buttons until he lands on the poppy tones of the latest top ten.
“Ah, I know this one,” he says proudly, “don’t mind it much at all. You like it?”
You listen but don’t recognize the song. You’re a bit lame, not knowing the names of whatever new hits Raquel plays on her bluetooth.
Can you kiss me more?
We're so young, boy
We ain't got nothin' to lose, oh, oh
It's just principle
Baby, hold me
'Cause I like the way you groove, oh, oh
It’s not bad. You like the rhythm of it. It’s upbeat and happy, if not a bit explicit. You don’t think it’s really his taste but you suspect he’s just trying to be nice.
“Yeah, it’s fun,” you finally say something.
He bops his head slightly as you look out the window. Your eyes flick up the mirror on the passenger side door and you watch Raquel slowly slump against the interior. You really hope she’s okay. She comes home drunk but you’ve never seen her like this.
The ride is quicker than an uber, maybe because the traffic has died down. He pulls in behind your building and you get out before he can. He comes around and opens the door. You can only stand by as he undoes the seatbelt and takes her out of the passenger seat.
“Show me the way,” he says as he turns to you, closing the door with his elbow.
“Oh, yeah,” you scramble for your keys and turn to lead him.
He trails you and waits just at your shoulder as you unlock the front door. You hold it open for him. He steps inside and stops, peering around with a sense of cluelessness. He lets you sidle around him toward the stairs.
He follows you up several flights to your floor. You feel bad. He’s carried her all this way. He even drove you home. It is a bit much and more than you deserve. You really don’t know if you could’ve got Raquel back on your own.
You open the door to your shared dorm and let him through once more. You point him to the couch and go to place a pillow by the armrest before he sets her down. He lays her over the cushions carefully. Despite his appearance, he’s been very nice. To both of you. He turns her onto her stomach and angles her head outward.
“You’ll wanna keep her on her belly case she needs to spit up some of that alcohol,” he says, “might wanna get something for that.”
“Sure, uh, thanks,” you wring your hands as you stand awkwardly by the end of the couch, “I appreciate it. I… I’m sorry. I don’t know how she got like that.”
“I’ve seen worse. You know, not many friends I know would come all the way down to help like that? I got girls left in the bathroom with their heads in the toilet. Pretty sad world, huh?”
“Oh, wow,” you eke out, “that’s… terrible.”
“Yeah, I do my best to help ‘em but can only do so much, you know? I’m glad I could help ya out. You walked up looking so lost… gotta be honest, it was cute. Little darling like you with your pretty flowers.”
You look down at your blouse. You could laugh at yourself. You probably did look like a dweeb waiting in line.
“Uh, yeah, well, I… really appreciate all this. I, er, wish there was a way I could repay you. Um, I could… give ya some money for gas, I might have a ten–”
As you grab at your purse he snorts and waves you off, “don’t do all that. It’s just fine, sweetheart. You take care of your friend. And yourself. Alright?”
“Erm, yeah, I can do that,” you squeeze your purse as you look up at him.
“Y’all have a good night and don’t forget to lock your door,” he tucks his hands in his pockets and slowly turns on his heel.
You watch him cross back to the door and he pauses. He seems lost in thought as he bows his head and angles just slightly so you can see his profile. He raises his chin and peeks over at you.
“If ya really wanna make it up to me, I… I’d love to take ya for some ice cream. One day? You like ice cream?”
“Ice cream?” You wonder, “uhhhhh, I like ice cream, yeah.”
“Alright,” he accepts with a grin, “I put my number in your phone if ya wanna let me know when you’re free.”
“Oh, you did?”
He rubs his neck and chuckles, “hopeful thinking. But uh, yeah, it’s there.”
“Uh, thanks,” you’re not sure what to say, “I– good night.”
“Yeah, yeah, have a good one.”
He faces the door again and pulls it open. He lets himself out and you quickly skirt over to turn the latch, just like he bid. As your hand lingers on the lock, you can’t help but wonder how he knew where you live. He never asked.
#lee bodecker#lee bodecker x reader#dark lee bodecker#dark!lee bodecker#au#drabble#series#the devil all the time#nightlife
265 notes
·
View notes
Text
Initial Thoughts on TXT's Minisode 3: Tomorrow
Overall I think this album sounded the most sonically cohesive from their entire discography so far! I haven't read the articles about the album yet but it seems like they've deviated a bit from their usual approach of exploring different genres in a single album and kinda stuck to more of a band sound this time around?
Sure, they experiment with layers and singing styles but I’ve really felt (and liked!) the band influence across the different tracks!
The way the music builds in each track is delightful albeit seems a wee predictable. I am a sucker for a good guitar and bassline though so this album suited my tastes
Currently (and surprisingly) my favorite track upon first listen would probably be Deja Vu (Anemoia Remix)! I honestly wished the remix ver would have been the title track instead 🥺
The original ver is probably more palatable for general population though and lends itself better to their type of choreography than the Anemoia remix would so I understand why the title track is so.
My favorite track off this album would likely change after I’ve read through the lyric translations and give the album a few more listens.
If I’m being honest, I think this album would be more of a slow burn type of in terms of how quickly it grows on me, compared to their earlier releases (particularly Temptation and Freefall).
I’ve genuinely enjoyed these tracks! But I can’t say that I loved the album and I think a factor in my tempered response to Minisode 3 is just how short they all are!! 😩
The entire (mini) album’s duration is just 17 minutes for 7 tracks!! It felt like just as I was getting into the groove and spirit of the track, it just… ends 🥲 IMO, these shorter track durations may end up hurting them in the long run as they sacrifice the listening experience for convenience of streaming 😔
That said, it makes Deja Vu an impressive feat that it has such a cinematic and immersive feel, and done in less than 3 minutes!
In any case, I will be listening to these tracks more and am looking forward to catch their performances throughout this comeback!
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading and i’d love to hear your thoughts too!
If you want to see my raw thoughts for each track, you can find them below the cut!
Track 1: I'll See You There Tomorrow
yes lower register TXT let's gooooo
sounds like a video game bg music? haha
ooh when the music built up it got funky
ugh love me a good bassline
this is kinda cute???
funkyyyyyyyyy
am digging the old school vibe to this
*head bops*
ok this is rly growing on me
the layers to the music is just 😩
IMAGINE HEARING THIS WITH A LIVE BAND I WOULD ASCEND
Track 2: --- -- --- .-. .-. --- .-- (Tomorrrow)
uhm yeah
so....
that's a morse code alright....
Track 3: Deja Vu
ok technically not a first listen since i've watched the MV already but here we go anyway!!
the high pitched warpy sound at the start -- i like it
this feels like R&B-ish?
their verses seem almost spoken than sung
different from how they usually are
the little music break after the first chorus, mhmm
that clarity was delicious
this song feels so... ambient? if that makes sense
like there's a distant thunderstorm almost?
and the sirens blaring??
THIS SONG SOUNDS LIKE AN ENTIRE MOVIE??????
and they did that with a 2:51 duration ??
Track 4: Miracle (A miracle happens at every moment that you and I are together)
really liking the piano
ooh the build up of the instrumentals
EYYYYYYYYY
leaked image of me listening to this track
oooh it got rock band-y
oh this would be AMAZING to hear live!!
ugh the harmonizing in the second verse/pre-chorus YES 😩
looooove the energy on this one
they are killing the instrumentals on this album
I CAN'T STOP HEADBOPPING
OH SHIT THE GUITAR IS HITTINNGGGGGGG
wow ok i loved that one
Track 5: The Killa (I Belong to You)
sexy start okayyyy
is this Spanish guitar?
the finger plucking(?) style 😩
OH WHAT THE FUCK
EXCUSE ME THE HARMONIZING???????????
DEADDDDDD
oh this range and style suits Soobin so well??
mhmmm the adlibssss
i swear those harmonies will be the death of me
the guitarrrrrrrrr 😩
Track 6: Quarter Life
istg the instrumentals are so good here
band txt is one of my fave genres
*head bops*
the build up is delicious
oh i'll bet kai enjoyed this one haha
LET'S GO BEOMGYUUUUUU
whoever thought of putting the maknaes together for this track is a genius
another great song to hear live
claiming this as Beomgyu's song bc wow
THAT WAS TOO SHORT WTF 😭
Track 7: Deja Vu (Anemoia Remix)
THE GUITAR!!!!!!
WHY CAN'T THIS HAVE BEEN THE ORIGINAL VERSION
PLEASE LET US HAVE BAND TXT AS THE MAIN CONCEPT NEXT TIME 😭
ugh i can't resist a good bassline
wtf i swear we were robbed that this is just a remix and not the original song 😭
THE ADLIBS!!!!!!!!!
SING IT TERRYYYYY
WTF THIS IS A ROBBERY FRRRRRR 😭
pls let this listing be an April Fools joke and this is actual the title track 🥹
#tomorrow x together#minisode 3: tomorrow#I'll See You There Tomorrow#deja vu#txt deja vu#miracle#Miracle (A miracle happens at every moment that you and I are together)#the killa (i belong to you)#quarter life#Deja Vu (Anemoia Remix)#txt reactions#kpop reactions
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Favorite Albums of 2023 ^_^
To celebrate the coming of a new year, I wanted to spend this first week looking back a bit at the things I enjoyed both old and new. So I put together a little list of albums I spent a lot of time with this year, for a bit of personal posterity, a little of getting into the groove with music writing on a very conversational but nonetheless sincere level, and also just because I enjoy, on a base level, the exchange of music. So hopefully one person will give a new album a try, or somebody will tell me their favorite thing they listened to in 2023. That's all you can ever hope for <3
Here's the albums I loved that came out in 2023 itself:
100 gecs 10,000 gecs: If I’m honest with myself- my album of the year, both in what I spent the most time with and the tracks I’d hold up the most fondly by the end of the year. the high-octane blast of creativity in these short, sweet, never dull, and always inventive bursts made listening a very joyful experience. Hollywood Baby and Dumbest Girl Alive bangers of the year though one million dollars just oooozes and chirps sounds in the most satisfying way.
Paramore This is Why: very much preaching to the choir with this one. undeniable groove through everything– the whole thing brims with contained energy- like trapping a storm cloud in a bottle and displaying it like it's no big deal and then, every once in a while, electricity arcs through the room. The only issue is it ends on a bit of a weak note, with back-to-back ballads I don’t revisit often. but it's a minor quibble, they’re both distinct enough to stand on their own and neither is insufferably long. forgivable transgression.
Kesha Gag Order: This is self-explanatory, to me. Kesha was the first artist I ever truly fell in love with and everything she makes is like watching a flower bloom over and over again as I grow and change and wither and regrow right alongside. But on top of that, the record itself is so. powerful. Not in the cheap, congratulatory “you’re so brave way” but in the energy it radiates, in the way it stands its ground over and over. the way it grasps its own story by the throat and still lets you peak into all the messy pieces sliding out over the knuckles. Happy is one of those truly great album closers, but the whole album is so solid.
Vastum Inward to Gethsemane: Absolutely crushing in just about every way, This is like, the platonic ideal of death metal for me. Dense and malevolent as fuck, but there’s still room for these nasty riffs buried deep in all the disgusting muck. That opening guitar on Priapic Chasm is the sickest 8 seconds of the year.
The Gauntlet Dark Steel and Fire: At first glance, this seems like a textbook Bathory clone. And even if it was just that it’d still be amazing, I love that sound. But there’s space! and dynamic growth! And a growling echoing personality that every other standard in this space just never attempts. Even the hints of black ‘n’ roll and thrash are expanding a series of very narrow spaces– there are these mid-tempo stadium rippers scattered throughout the album that give the whole project gravitas which loops around and gives the faster stuff more swagger and aggression. really cool record.
McKinley Dixon Beloved! Paradise! Jazz?: I checked this out because McKinley Dixon has a great featured verse on Soul Glo’s Spiritual Level of Gang Shit. To make matters worse (or better, in terms of Shit I Am Interested In), the record’s named after Toni Morrison novels. To make it even crazier Hanif Abdurraqib opens the record (he reads this really beautiful passage of Jazz that's sampled later). An album so supremely up my alley I was almost scared the pieces wouldn’t fall together– they did! It's incredible! it's short but each second is purposeful and lush in a way that speaks to measure and care. the jazz isn’t just beautiful, it's a full embracing of the album’s central conceits (not just the Morrison, but the typography of cities, the people in them and the lives they live) and Dixon just oozes poetic ingenuity. Repetition is one of the best devices in his toolkit and nowhere is that more apparent than Tyler Forever which. man.... really really good project.
Tresspasser Αποκάλυψισ: catchy-as-fuck. not what you’d expect from an album which is very explicitly about debt strikes and anarchy. usually RABM (red and anarchist black metal) leaves me a little cold, a lot of bands in this loose conglomerate aren’t musically inventive. rabm isn't just a stand-in for anti-fascist bands, the projects associated with the label are usually politically lyrically explicit (sometimes in ways that are overtly shocking or simply following a trend). which is nice! and necessary in black metal. but it doesn't automatically make it… good. trespasser have always stood out within that paradigm. clearly grounded in what actually works in black metal (the drumming across their albums is crazy kick ass in particular) and i find myself humming some of these tracks which is such a hard skill to pull off in melodic black metal without being dull or predictable.
MEURTRIERES Ronde de Nuit: very surprisingly, a lot of this list ended up including black metal, which is uncharacteristic of me. but thankfully, MEURTRIERES is much more aligned with my tastes– epic old-school heavy metal with that galloping Maiden-esque bass and fiery, straining vocals that sit so expertly in the groove and then just push and push and push against it. simple, enjoyable, energetic.
Home Is Where the whaler: At its most basic level this is like. what emo can pull off when it wants to sound incredible. The swirling layers, the inclusion of shit like horns, the abrasive but catchy screams, crashes in and out of earshot, the rhythms!!! this is a very 2023 album, thematically and that's important and immediately apparent, but it's going to last much longer just with how the sound works and works and works until you find yourself continuously coming back, listening to it out of the blue.
Thantifaxath Hive Mind Narcosis: quote-unquote dissonant metal is so hit or miss for me. dissonance is oft a cover for boring, or unoriginal material that hangs its lapels on being disorienting or impenetrable. but when the tone is just right it swallows you up. Thantifaxath got the tone right; I was listening to this a lot while reading or writing during the latter half of the year because it just becomes a part of your world in such a wonderful, subsuming way. I really love these vocals too, they’re vaguely inhuman in a way that pairs so exactly with the balance of spacey and gross earthy magic, outside the world and grounded in flesh simultaneously.
Crotaline The Hemipenes Demo: This is my friends’ band. They are cool and talented and I love first-wave black metal. They are also people whose projects I listen to in a fundamentally different way; when they pull something off it's a little bit life-changing because you know that person, you’ve seen them do human things! And then they are capable of great art. It's weird and disorienting and one of the best parts of being alive. But I do also think their demo is good without quantifiers, it's exactly what they wanted, it's got riffs that sound gnarly on tape, and it's dedicated to salamanders. like what else could you need in life?
Dawn’s Reflection Demo MMXXIII: This short little demo is a perfect burst of raw-ass lo-fi black metal. Which I usually cannot stand. but for some reason is just incredible here. I think it's the way the riffs and vocals interact– there’s these really solid, almost crust-punky guitar lines that shine perfectly in this kind of (basically non-existent) production. And then the vocals just completely rip over them in the loudest most batshit way possible, but there are always pauses that allow the instrumental to recalibrate. The synths are just a fun touch that drone in the back until they’re pulled to the fore which makes for these great, dense peaks instead of overwhelming the balance. It works! I am always hooked!
And here are some new-to-me albums I listened to for the first time in 2023:
Nuclear Death …For Our Dead: Nuclear Death is already a favorite of mine (I feel like I never stop talking about them) but I finally got around to their demos/EPs this year. this one takes the cake, easily. Topping out at under 10 minutes, this record achieves a kind of demented brutality other death metal bands would kill for in a fourth of the time. It's a miasmic stormcloud of a project that proves (as everything they recorded did) that nobody can out-sick Lori Bravo.
Moral Decay To Build an End: This is a couple of kids in the 1990s writing a thrash record. Not notable in and of itself. However, it becomes clear immediately that these technically proficient metalheads are obsessed with emo. Like oldschool dc emocore. And it is thrown into their mix of sonic influences plainly and obviously. It is one of a kind. It shouldn’t work. It probably doesn’t, unless, of course, you are me and obsessed with it. The vocals on this are punky as hell and they work surprisingly well over these speedy, late-stage neoclassical thrash riffs. It's wild. I love it; the gem of the year!
Little Teeth Child Bearing Man: you will either love this or find it insufferable. Mathy emo-y touches, but this is freaky folk through and through. Flits in and out these crazy choral vocal moments and harmonies that fall in and out of comfort-level– lots of borderline screaming (or just gives up the ghost and becomes screaming). Everything devolves but the sense of melody is always lurking out of frame and comes back around to quiet and confessional. Manages artful and cathartic with a lack of grace and a hell of a conviction.
Helen Love Love and Glitter, Hot Days and Musik: the best punk understands punk is pop music. This is why I love this record. Helen Love loooovvess The Ramones, she does. And since she loves them so much she wrote dance music in their honor and got Joey Ramone to feature on the record. Incredible.
The BellRays Black Lightning: Soul-filled garage punky rock that’s just masterfully loud, catchy, and full of unlimited swagger. Lisa Kekaula’s vocals are clearly grounded in a long, long line of rockers and soul-stirrers but what stands out is her maturity and control which allows for the slow-burners to feel huge and impressive– she’s the center, the burning star of the whole enterprise.
Chinchilla 101 Italian Hits: this album is weird and, obviously, I love weird. Situated in the already weird San Diego post-hardcore scene, Chinchilla still stand out with their epic song lengths, murky 90s alt-rock depths, and the way Sioban Dixon’s vocals shift endlessly between a distorted fry, throaty shouts, and sweet elongated falsetto. So fun to get lost in these songs.
Heaven’s Gate Livin’ in Hysteria: German power metal is always good. Heaven’s Gate is so obviously following in Helloween’s footsteps but Helloween is one of the greatest metal bands on planet earth and they execute that Keepers era sound so well they make a little magic themselves. Add onto that an album cover with a dragon smoking a pipe… it's over, it was love at first sight.
A Few Honorable Mentions (if you've made it this far):
-Corinne Bailey Ray Black Rainbows (mostly here because I got to it wayy late in the year and haven’t sat with it long enough. but this was incredible all the way through)
-Smoulder Violent Creed of Vengence (was initially disappointed by this one and then I finally got a tape player for Christmas and it just… clicked in the new format)
-Be Your Own Pet Mommy (i love, love, loved be your own pet as a teen and seeing them return to music after so long with the same blast of energy is so cool. I just think the album overstays its welcome; the EP they released with just a handful of tracks just puts it into sharper relief too)
-Melissa II (incredible it was just such a good year for black metal it didn’t quite squeeze up there for me)
and that's it for me; Happy New Year may we all find new music to fall in love with in 2024 <3
#whew this isn't even like a quarter of the top stuff i loved this year- had a blast trying to listen to more new music#can only hope to keep it up next year!!#and this was a super necessary low stakes break from all Serious music writing I'm trying to figure out rn haha.#sometimes you Need desperately to talk about things you love :)#music recs#my posts
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay Indigo, hit me.... show me what you got.
Closing out his 20s with a little angsty emo alt-pop R&B electric rock, Namjoon presents Indigo. Independent. Indulgent. Ingenious.
Though I was unfamiliar with the Korean individuals collabing with Namjoon on this record, I did take a "pre-listen" to some of their work before Indigo's release so I could be familiar with their style.
Of course I knew who Erykah Badu is. Though very talented and respected musically, she is not without her own controversies.
And I know Anderson .Paak. I am a huge fan of Silk Sonic, his Grammy winning duo with Bruno Mars who I am also a big fan of.
So these are just my opinions after listening and learning the lyrics. These are my interpretations of the vibe of the songs...
Yun. It is hard hitting first-out-the-gate and I can understand why Joon put this song first. It's a statement: Fuck you, imma do what I want.
Still Life, definitely love the R&B groove, love Anderson's vocals and the improvisation: "Joon: Shit happens in life...Paak: it's gonna be what it's gonna be brothah, you just have to do your thang." "Y'all can't lock me in a frame. I'm still life." The clever wordplay. A "still life" is typically defined as a tableau of inanimate objects such as flowers, fruit and other objects, arranged and then painted or photographed and framed. A still life. A moment in time. But in this song, I am seeing it meant as I am still LIFE, as in still living...you can't put me in a frame because I am living and breathing. So my take is this song says "let's keep it moving, never stay still, live life and don't let them define you by one frame of an image or one point or moment in time."
All Day, yay finally experiencing TABLO, great song, nice fast beat. TABLO's delivery reminds me of Eminem... personally, I am not a big fan of Eminem, but in this song, that type of vocal from TABLO works well. The beat will probably get this song added to my "walking playlist." WE GOT DYNAMITE IN OUR DNA! Might be my fave song off the album.
Forg_tful, an acoustic, laid back vibe, especially with the whistling... sort of John Mayer-ish? Very folk music-y and right up in the middle of Sawol's music genre kool-aid. Makes me want to order a caramel latte with a touch of almond milk at an independently owned hipster coffee shop. And I don't even like almond milk.
Closer, nice little bubbly intro segues to smooth urban R&B. Love Mahalia's vocals. So. Most of this song is sung in English. Paul Blanco has a few Korean words and that's it. The lyrics are very sensual. I find it conveniently uncontroversial that it is Mr. Blanco singing about 'when our lips lock' and 'making her body go diddy diddy bop'. The lyric: "but you run away like a fish"... that one sticks in my head because it is so visual! I saw a small fish get scared and scurry away! Great song.
Change pt. 2, unexpected electric riffs. Interesting that this song is entirely in English. I wonder who he is singing about? Harsh! Lol! Since its in English, it might be about the western music industry–as we know, they have to be spoken to in their language or they "just don't get it". Or it might be about a past significant other who did him wrong. "Some day a great grief will come for you." (That Miss Karma, she's the biggest fuckin' bitch I know.) "That's all I can say to you." (mic drop).
Lonely, I'm so fuckin lonely... super emo alt pop rocker. Joon made this song and these lyrics sound like some sort of weekly Top 40 groove-fest banger. The hook is an earworm in the making. "I'm fuckin' lonely....so fuckin' lonely." And the bridge is big and awesome. This song is a masterpiece of chart topping geniusness songwriting.
Hectic, with all its bright notes and beat, the gist of the lyrics say 'I been working my ass off, nothing glamorous about it, and people still say the same shit. Why am I doing this? What am I chasing? If doing this THIS way is a pain, how can I do it different?
Wild Flower... a big sonic, soaring, epic type song. Youjeen's big vocals and lyrics give me Katy Perry Firework vibes. The MV visuals help push the "big" to me. It's just a big song. Big Namjoon asking "what is this big life I have? what does it mean?" The visuals of him standing on top of the mountain and being able to see the entire world and it's a dawning day...not gonna lie, I did tear up. Seeing Joonie like this, expressing his lyrics visually in a music video touches my heart for him. The stage surrounded by Army... him standing and then laying in the field of purple flowers (also Army), it's very emotionally stirring. But I have something to tell Joon... as time goes by, one still searches for who they are and sometimes we never really understand who we are. All we can do is live our truths as authentically as possible.
No. 2, what a nice closing song to wrap it up. Don't look back anymore. There's nothing to prove. You've done your best. No lookin' back, no. The album ends and I'm smiling.
Like everyone else, my heart swells with pride. Over all, the lyricism is off the charts of course. Joonie is a wordsmith. Thank you Kim Namjoon/RM for putting your soul out there, sharing your emotions and thoughts with us in such a poetically lyrical way. Well done.
My disclaimers: I am not a music expert. These are just my personal opinions. But I do have impeccable taste in music. 💜
56 notes
·
View notes
Note
after Javi moves back to Texas, betting your friends that you can get the infamous man’s number at the bar, but getting a lot more
Blurb Advent 2023: Day 10
Another great prompt! Hopefully I've done it justice
Warnings: suggestive themes and talk of sex but nothing explicit, minimal editing.
The first Friday night of the month meant it was girl’s night out. You and your best friends would get dressed up, head out, and drink and dance until the early hours of the morning. In the past you’d all used it as a chance to find hook ups but things had changed a little since both Katrina and Larissa had actually met guys worth dating. It left you as the only single one but they both acted as your wingwomen, helping you pick out the best of the club goers to flirt with. But, tradition stated that the night should always begin at a small local bar, a little on the seedy side but not too gross. It catered to a different clientele than the clubs you’d head to later so it was rare to meet anyone there who you might want to pick up, but the drinks were reasonably priced and you could get a plate of fries or wings if you wanted to fill up a little. If you were lucky there’d be one or two men you could make eyes at across the room or convince to buy you a drink, help you get into the groove of flirting and give you a little confidence injection before you moved onto the big leagues. But it wasn’t often you were lucky.
“No hotties here tonight,” you sighed, reaching for your quarter full glass.
“Hey that one guy who offered to buy you a drink was kind of cute,”
“You just think that cause he’s your boyfriend’s twin.”
There was laughter round the table as Katrina nodded guiltily.
“Don’t worry Y/N, we’ll get you laid. Although I still think you should give that guy you work with a chance.”
“Ugh no, too awkward. I want to meet someone the old fashioned way – grinding on them to club music and only learning their name aftrer we’ve fucked.”
You all laughed again and fell into a conversation about where you’d head once you’d finished your drinks. But you quickly stopped listening. Your eyes had been drawn to the door as someone new arrived. He headed straight for the bar and you watched him sit down and order, a bottle of beer placed in front of him.
“Well hold on girls, things might have just changed.” You nodded towards the man who was looking around the place. You got the impression he was new to the area.
“Isn’t that that Peña guy?” Katrina said, shooting a look at Larissa.
“No way, Javier Peña? is he back?”
“Yeah arrived a couple of weeks ago, doesn’t look like he has any plans to leave from what I’ve heard.”
You had no idea who Javier Peña was, but you did know he was hot.
“You can do better,” Katrina said with a shake of her head, her disapproval evident.
You looked over to the bar again, “I bet his moustache would feel good between my thighs.”
Larissa laughed and Katrina shot her a look.
“He’s a dick Y/N. Everyone says so.”
“Yeah,” Larissa added reluctantly, “Apparently he’s a total womanizer.”
“I don’t mind if he wants to womanize me for a night.” At the look Katrina gave you, you snorted and added, “Am I the only one with eyes here? He’s fucking hot.”
“He left someone at the alter.”
“Do I look like I want to get married?”
“I heard he’s been with hundreds of women, and half of them he paid.”
“That sounds like an exaggeration,” you rolled your eyes, “But even if it’s true, a hundred women can’t be wrong.”
“No way, you cannot be into him still,” Katrina laughed, “He’s totally infamous for being a man slut.”
“Stop selling him I’m already interested,” you laughed, waving aside her arguments.
“Can you help me out here?” Katrina shot at Larissa who’s spent most of the back and forth laughing and egging you each on.
“Oh sure,” she turned to you, “What makes you think you could even pull him?”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t encourage her,” Katrina pleaded.
“You heard me.”
“Um, bitch! Have you seen me?”
“Why don’t we finish up here and find a club instead?”
“Oh stop worrying, Trina. He sounds like the harmless sort of sleaze.”
“No one’s leaving. Except me. I’m gonna go to that bar and get his number.”
“I don’t think you will but good luck.”
“Alright lets make this interesting.”
“Seriously guys?” Katrina threw up her hands in exasperation.
“I like the way you think Y/N. Alright, loser has to buy the winner’s drinks for the rest of the night.”
“You’re so on.”
Katrina just sighed.
When you got to the bar you stood close to where Javier was, pushed yourself up on your toes and leaned on the counter to order a new drink. You hoped it would draw attention to the short length of your dress. And it paid off because out of the corner of your eye you saw him turn to look at your ass before he slid some money across the bar and announced your drink was on him.
You smiled sweetly, “Thank you, that’s awful kind. Are you new around here? Don’t think I’ve seen youround before.”
“Not new. But it’s been a while.”
You were pleased you had an in and began making polite chit chat finding out he’d been in Colombia, asking if it was as nice as everyone said.
After about a minute he stopped you, “We don’t have to play this game.”
“Umm, what game?”
“I know I have a certain reputation around these parts. The way I left, of course I do. But let’s just call a spade a spade. You wanna come back to mine?”
You were entirely taken aback. His forwardness was not at all what you’d expected, nothing like what you were used to. But he was right, that’s what you wanted. You would have settled for his number to win your bet but the minute he’d walked in you’d wanted more.
“Well?”
“Give me a minute to tell my friend’s I’m leaving and then I’m yours.”
#my writing#my blurbs#blurb advent 2023#javier pena x reader#javi pena imagine#gonna go ahead and apologise skfksjfkfjf idk that i really wrote javi particularly well/in character#like maybe he comes off a little more jack 🤷♀️#idk its been a hot minute since i watched narcos or read any javo fics
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
He Didn't Do It | Rockstar!Eddie x Fem!Reader |
Summary: Eddie gets out of jail for a crime he knows he didn't commit. You forgive him on the grounds their no evidence and Gareth provides some light. You figure out what kind of guy Eddie is.
You stare down at the caller I.D. before answering the call. The incident had changed you in a major way, being more careful about information you gave or even who you surrounded yourself with. "Hello?"
"Jesus, I'm so glad you answered!"
"Gareth?" It wasn't hard to recognize his voice after following Eddie's bands music. You've known Gareth just as long and come to recognize his voice, "What are you doing calling me-"
"Listen, I heard about what happened from, Eddie." You scoff and he Gareth sighs.
"He did it and I know he did it, because-"
"He loves you." The drummer spits out, "Eddie would never and I mean never hurt you." He would fight for Eddie, they've been friends for years. "That night, when he was on his way he called me and we were on the phone for an hour. The time he was in your window was 2 minutes after that. He didn't do it, Belle."
You were still to focused on the fact that he mentioned that Eddie had said 'he loved you', but it was shocking. Surely enough you and the young star had been close. Friends for the longest time and had closer since being in high school. Beauty and the Freak, shocking wasn't it? "He said that? Said he loved me? Really?"
Gareth chuckles, "Yeah, he did. Wouldn't shut up about you, actually." He was much surprised at the fact that you chose not to argue, but he was grateful you believed him. "We're performing at the hideout tonight, if you want to stop by-"
"Where is he now, Gare?" You ask with a bit to much eagerness that has the drummer's head spinning, but he gives in.
"He's at your old meeting spot. I'm assuming you know-" Gareth was cut off by the dial-tone and he nodded. "Yeah, she knows."
Eddie stares down into the old grooves of the wood. Many a day and night he spent at this table, dealing, selling, and making other usual bad decisions. Except the day when he met you..
November 1986
"It's gonna be 30 for half. No more and no less?" The jock, Barry asked nervously glancing down at the plastic baggie then up to Eddie's ringed fingers clasping the bag.
Barry sees Eddie grin from the corner of his peripheral, "Listen man, if you don't have the money then-" He cuts off Eddie with a scoff.
"Forget it, freak." He stands up from the rusty picnic table flipping him the bird and storming off away from the clearing. "Should've known he was a fucking freak.."
Eddie only sighed and stuffed his supply back into the black metal tin he was lugging around. He huffed, "So much for that sale." He reaches into his pocket to pull out his box of cigarettes, going to light one up when he heard something. He pushed the stick to the corner of his mouth and tucks the others back into his pocket. He cranes his head in the direction of the noise and smirks at the sight. From behind one of the trees the tip of a black flat peeks out from behind one of the tall trees.
"Gee, it must be crazy to be sitting out here all alone." Eddie goes to light his cigarette watching as the feet move out from behind the tall oaks. He takes a puff, exhaling the smoke out into the cool autumn air. When you come into view Eddie smirks, "Guess I am not crazy." He jokes.
You blush and approach the table, "H-How'd you know I was there?"
Eddie chuckles, "Saw those poking out from behind the tree." he points to your black flats and you sigh, plopping down on the opposite bench from him. "Didn't take the Queen Bee to be into drugs." He comments waving his hand around.
"Oh, I'm not.. I just.." You forget why you're there. He's just so casual it puts you in both a good mood and numbs you. "I came to see you. Purely you."
"Damn. Who gave me away?" He joked lightly and you smile watching him take another drag, before tossing the butt down and stomping it out.
"Gareth." You reply quickly.
"Good 'ol, Gareth." Eddie grins and you giggle finding it hard not to when he's smiling and paying all of his attention to you. "I like you, Belle, you intrigue me." You lean forward and grin, "Tell me more about yourself."
"You first." You reply.
November 1990
You approach the table the same way you did that very day. What you didn't know was that someone had followed you there. As you sit down Eddie looks up from the table. His hair is messy, eyes tired, and clothes rustled, "I'm sorry." You start.
"Belle, you were scared.. I'm not mad."
"But I am! At myself." You argue, "I let someone I love take the rap for murder, because I was scared myself! Eddie, that's cra-mm" His lips cut you off and you nearly melt. His lips are just as soft as you remember, soft and sweet, but tasting of smoke.
Steve watched from his spot behind the tree and he was burning with anger. Eddie loved you and you were returning that love. The years had changed nothing about your love for Eddie, not even murder could change those feelings and years of longing for him. When you pulled back Eddie sighed, "God, I missed you Eds."
"I missed you too." You respond almost breathlessly and Eddie chuckles.
"Well if you missed me so much, I expect to see you tonight at the Hideout." He retorted and you nodded reaching over to take his hands. Still clad with those chunky rings he liked to wear. Never changing was a major thing Eddie supported. Just be yourself.
"I promise, Eds. I'll be there."
"And so will I." Steve mumbled. Things were going to end there, Steve had ben fucked over just enough in his life. He was going to kill Eddie and put and end to it, you were his. You needed to know that.
TAGLIST:
@yaspillz @dahliamae @munsonloverblog @off-phelia @strangerthingsstories5255 @fujiihime @shyposttree @damon-loves-pie @fanficfanatic204 @seratoninsickness @k0urti @thatlonelypieceoftoast @marianita195 @phantomxoxo @wittlewowa @buchanansbaby @rollergirlworld @allithewriter @555stargirl555 @gothguitargal @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @carol-munson @ali-r3n @letmebeyoureuphoria @cherry-omi @harrys-tittie @yearwalker96 @lipglossanon @thepastdied @brittney69 @jessevans
#steve harrington#stranger things#slasher!steve#stranger things fandom#eddie munson x reader#stranger things x fem!reader#x reader#steve harrington x reader#eddie munson#ghostface#slashers
90 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rather Die | Chapter 9
word count: 2061
warnings: talks of sex, faking sex, language
cross posted on wattpad
master list
————————————————————————
"Um, did you just say Ashton??" Eliana questions Victoria.
"Yes, yes I did." Vic responds.
"You went on a date with MY ex?! How could you?!"
"Eliana, for the last fucking time. We're not friends anymore. You took Austin right from underneath me. If I want to date Ashton, I can. You can deal with it if it really bothers you that much."
"God, you're such a bitch." Eliana scoffs.
"Takes one to know one."
"Hey, can you not treat my girl like that?" Austin asks Vic.
"Why? I'm just treating her the way she's treating me. She shouldn't even be on set."
Austin didn't say anything because he knew she was right.
Everyone headed off to set to take their places, Eliana stayed off to the side to watch.
"You know, why can't you girls just learn to get along for the sake of the movie so we don't have to be so miserable on set?" Austin asks Vic as they take places.
"Look, Austin. I would be perfectly fine with being civil but she's the one that's always starting shit, and I'm not letting her get away with it like I did when we were friends."
"Are you sure you're not the one starting things?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Because she's always telling me that it's you."
"Well, somehow you're rarely ever around when she starts it, so you're not there to actually see it. Oh, and by the way, I'd keep my eye on her. I saw her checking out one of the extras."
"She wouldn't. She loves me too much."
"She loves your dick & good looks. That's about it."
"How could you be so sure?"
"That's how it is with everyone she dates. Trust me. And I feel like I've told you this before."
"Ha, yeah. Okay."
"Don't come crying to me when you catch her cheating, saying "I told you so.""
"I won't, because she won't do that."
"Mhm."
"Alright, everyone places! We're rolling in 30 seconds!" Anna shouts.
Austin & Victoria deliver their scenes and get their takes.
"Great work guys. I'm sure as you both read in the script & in the schedule, tomorrow we're doing the sex scene. I hope you guys can really bring your A game tomorrow for it. Do what you have to do to bring that passion." Anna tells them before they go off for break.
"Wanna meet up and rehearse later?" Austin smirks, really giving a fuck boy look.
"I would never in a million years have sex with you." Victoria says in response as she walks off set.
"We'll see about that."
Victoria rolls her eyes & heads to Mila's trailer.
"Austin really thinks we'll end up fucking." she says to Mila, walking in.
"What? How?"
"Well we have to film that scene tomorrow & he's like 'Wanna rehearse later?' like ew no, I would never. And he's like 'We'll see about that.' being all cocky in shit like ew stop."
"He's so gross."
"Tell me about it." Vic rolls her eyes. "After lunch we have to film the club scene and I'm so not ready to make out with him & dance all sexy."
"I do not blame you. But I'm sure it'll be fun either way."
"Only because I have you to help me through it."
"Awww stop. I love you."
"Love you too. I really don't know what Id do without you."
After lunch, everyone got changed into their club scene outfits & got into the correct hair and makeup, then headed onto set.
"Alright, so we're gonna have the music playing, everyone just dance and groove along. Victoria & Austin, the main focus on you both. I don't care when, but just kiss at some point. Keep it steamy." Anna says before calling action.
The music starts playing, everyone's dancing. Victoria and Austin keep it as steamy as they can, spite their feuding relationship.
Vic has her arms wrapped around his neck, and Austin has his hands on her hip & ass. They rock back & forth to the beat of the music.
"Oh, this is nice- Wait no. Don't fall into his trap Victoria." Vic thought to herself. "He's just being super extra handsy right now to get me to 'rehearse'."
She turns around and Austin pulls her into him. Victoria grinds herself against him. He puts his lips on her neck. She tries to fight enjoying it, but she does, until she gets a flashback to that night where everything went down, which lead her to have a mini panic attack.
"Wait, wait, wait. I need a second. Excuse me." Victoria removes herself from set to go take a breather. Mila follows behind her to make sure she's okay.
"Hey, hey, hey. Are you okay? What happened?" Mila asks her as they go outside.
"I just got a flashback to that night where everything went down, and it just kinda sent me into a panic." Victoria explains to her.
"I'm sorry babe. Do you need anything?"
"Yeah, she needs to suck up whatever this is and get back in there. What the hell, Vic?" Austin says coming outside.
"Are you serious right now, Austin?" Victoria asks him. "I wouldn't have panicked if it wasn't for your whore ass."
"What do you mean?" he asks confused.
"This scene was like that night all over again. We danced just like that before you went & fucked things up."
"Again, I'm sorry that I did that. But this is our job, we can't let the past effect us."
"Well, I'm sorry that it effected me because you're a two timing man whore."
"You're so dramatic."
"Can you fucking not right now? And just fuck off? I'm not gonna be able to compose myself if you're just feeding into it."
"Fine. I'll fuck off."
"Good. Bye."
"Anna wants us back in no more than ten minutes." Austin says before heads back inside.
"God, he's such a dick. I don't know if I can handle another few weeks working with him." Vic says to Mila.
"Hey, you'll be okay. You've gotten this far. I know it's hard, but you got this. Don't let this asshole ruin your big break."
"I know, I know. He's just making it so hard. Especially having Eliana around."
"I know. But if he tries shit again, I will fight & lose my job. I don't care. No one messes with my best friend."
"Thanks, Mila. Again, I don't know what I'd do without you."
The girls went back inside & continued to film.
Austin & Victoria we're facing each other, dancing. They kept looking at each others lips, getting ready to go in for the kiss.
"God, those lips are so lucious. NO stop Vic. Don't think like that."
Austin goes in for the kiss, Victoria follows his lead.
"Wow, this is actually an enjoyable kiss because I can't taste Eliana on them. Fuck, he's such a good kisser. NO shut up brain. We are not doing this."
Anna calls cut & we were done for the day.
Austin clears his throat, "Good work, Williams."
"Yeah, uh, same to you Butler."
"Hey, we should probably practice for tomorrow." he says.
"Why? Can't we just wing it?"
"Well, I mean, we'll rehearse it before we film it with the intimacy coordinator but I mean, we should ourselves so we're more prepared."
"No, I know you & I know you'd actually try to bang and that's NOT happening."
"No, we wouldn't."
"Yes we would. If we're rehearsing, it's here on set witu the coordinator. That's it."
"Cmon, Vic. You don't want to be with me?"
"Id rather die than to ever be with you." Vic says, attempting to storm off.
Austin grabs her wrist and pulls her in, & kisses her.
She gets lost in him for a moment before she realizes what's going on.
"Oh my god, Austin. No." she shoves him off of her. "We're not fucking, we're not kissing, we're not doing shit unless it's for this film. You're with Eliana, right? Use her for your fucking & kissing needs, not me."
"Fine then. Our scene will just suck."
"If it sucks, it sucks. I really don't care."
Victoria walks off set & goes to her trailer to grab her things.
"Vic, you ready to go?" Mila pops her head in.
"Yep, let's go." she says, in a passive tone.
"What's wrong?"
"Austin kissed me. Trying to get me to have sex with him to "rehearse" again." she rolls her eyes.
"Ew."
"I know. I cant with him."
The next day on set...
Austin & Victoria meet up with Casey, the intimacy coordinator in a closed office space that's set up as a bedroom.
"Okay, the scene starts with Allison jumping into Jake's arms, kissing very passionately. Jake carries Allison into the bedroom. I was thinking from there, Jake will throw Allison onto the bed before hovering over her, continuing the makeout. Jake will remove Allison's dress leaving her in her underwear, then his shirt comes off, he pulls down his bottoms, her panties come off, and they go at it kind of rough, but passionate. All that sound good?" Casey asks Austin & Vic as she's done explaining the scene.
They both nod their head in agreement, although they don't want to.
"Perfect. I'll have you guys get into your nudity wear stuff. It makes it all look real, without any genitalia touching. Once you guys are ready, we'll go over it, then we'll go to set and shoot."
"Ready to have your mind blown?" Austin asks Victoria all cocky.
"Please, Austin. It's not like we're going to have actual intercourse."
"If you say so."
"God, he's so annoying." she thought to herself.
The actors went off to get prepped and into costume.
Once they we're ready, they went back into the room to go over it.
Victoria jumps into Austin's arms and starts making out with him. He throws her onto the bed as directed, and hovers over her kissing her.
He removes her dress and tosses it to the side, then removes his shirt & tosses it. He pulls his pants down and removes her panties, then "goes inside of her", mimicking the actions. They both make the faces and sounds of pleasure, does whatever feels right for the scene.
"Cut! That was perfect guys. It's a super short scene, but it was great. Let's head off to set and do the exact same thing."
They all go off to set, and do their thing, of course doing the dialogue that leads up to it.
After Anna calls cut, Austin lays down next to Vic. They're both out of breath like they were actually doing it. And they'd be lying to themselves if they weren't turned on by each other right now, which they're hating on themselves for.
"Good job, Butler." Vic says to Austin.
"You too, Williams."
They get up from the bed and put their robes on.
Victoria heads off to her trailer to get dressed and break for lunch.
On Austin's way back to his trailer, he sees something that Victoria tried warning him about, but just brushed to the side, not wanting to believe it. Now that he sees it, he believes it.
"Eliana??" he says, catching her making out with that extra, as they were trying to hide in a corner of a building but it wasn't working out very well.
"Oh my god, Austin! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." Eliana goes on.
"Save it. I should have listened to Victoria. She was right about you. And I should have never kissed you that night. I lost the girl who I had thought was the best I ever met, and now I'm losing the other girl who I thought was the best."
"Austin! Please! I love you."
"No you don't. You never really did, and I know that now. You only wanted me for my looks like Victoria said. It's over Eliana. You can get your stuff out of my trailer after break. Id rather not see you again."
"Fine. If you want to be over, then we'll be over. You weren't that good at sex anyways."
"Whatever, Eliana."
Austin walks away, regretting so many decisions he's made in the past few weeks.
Maybe he should have listened to Victoria. Maybe he shouldn't have gotten with Eliana in the first place.
Only time will tell what will happen next.
—————————————————————
#austin butler#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler imagine#austin butler one shot#austin butler smut#austin imagine#austin butler rather die#rather die#elvis presley#elvis
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am going nuts over Webzone (not sure about the logo maybe I’ll change it) you better grab some snacks because worst staying here all night
Ever since I created them and I got nothing on my mind except them…. I have already created a lore for each and every one of them…. And I even finished their main design. They’re on my doodle book, but just the heads…..( only one of them I wasn’t really relaxed about how their hair look so I’m not gonna show until I figure out the good hair design)
The members of Webzone
1-Vj : the eldest, and the one with the bright idea about the themes of their shows and concerts… Responsible for everything(he might act like he isn’t and he is really is (not /sometimes ) responsible)
2-Vl: the second eldest and the mastermind behind the idea of creating this band….. who also got the looks… and the bod…(he trains a lot /drinks, a lot of protein)good at cooking take care of their little brothers when vj is busy, take care of &&$&&&$… slushy‘s gossip friend and prank, buddy
3-Slush.y : “THE ‘Y’ IS SILENT-“ the third oldest hyper and got the good moves, but got an anger, problem short tempered more like….and…… have a drug problem(fucking weed) sarcastic…. Prank master.(a fucking beast.)
4-mk: the fourth oldest….. Got the soft voice…. Knows how to flirt… shy little dude.. do not let him in the kitchen (can burn water) a nerd likes to read a lot(secretly want to be a lawyer)… the victim of all slush.y work(pranks)
5-DJ: the baby brother….. got the groove and the lyrics and the background music…. Without him webzone is nothing.(because of the lyrics and the background music.)…. you wanna laugh? He’s your man… smile never leaves his face (blush)* ahm*… Can be straightforward sometimes….. knows what boundaries are (but not as a robot)….. sometimes he overwork himself….. to the point he never slept in three days…(job application )….(sometimes when he talk, you feel like he smoked weed.)(cannot quit cigarette…… but can reduce the amount of using) spoiled Little baby girl ✨…..
Now for the lore 😈
OK…. So…… let’s start with how everything collapsed…… because everything was fine till this incident happened….. and I’m not talking on stage….(I’m really trying so hard not to copy brozone ) this incident happens to be inside their house…. All the older brothers were pressuring DJ telling him that this concert they’re going to have it’s the most important concert ever because if they mention to impress one person through this whole crowd (this person is very important ) they will succeed…… so they asked him to make a song very very important song….. at the moment to hear its name you’ll hear Oscar ‘ award’
he was so pressured to the point he started to cry when they all fall asleep he didn’t slept for a long time and he can’t deal with this whole pressure thing. He does good under pressure, but the amount they gave him was not like usual….. until the next morning they were all freshen up very well slept and ready to hear DJ new song….. which he never wrote…… they asked him more like yelled at him. Why haven’t you wrote in the song?….. he screamed back for the first time in years…… he can’t deal with his pressure and he’s scared…. They had a very terrible fight. and the only person that actually went kept quiet (after he saw how stressed DJ was confused of course he was ) was. Vl……. DJ stormed. out of his room the one proceeded to go after him was slush.y…. Slushy did felt. pressure. That small little DJ.(who is a teenager by the way.) was having.
DJ secretly was preparing His excepted to art and music college application…. He sent it and they accepted him.(he was so happy he’s going to fulfill his dreams of becoming a DJ…… is going to be hard to find a job….. but at least he’s going to be he always wanted to be)…… so that night DJ was preparing his bags to actually leave for college….. He didn’t tell his brother which he got accepted and he didn’t even tell him he sent it already…… he wanted it to be a surprise (but then this concert showed up) He wrote a letter saying that he’s leaving and will meet when he is succeed in life…. And he left it in the living room on the coffee table…. And took one look and never got back again….. this was the end of WEBZONE
What actually caused them to leave was the pressure ….. and the fact they didn’t really wanted to hear what he wanted to be….. they all actually took it from having fun……to succession for money for fame… each one of them got blinded by greed…… until they lost their little baby brother….. this caused them to separate
The aftermath of the break up of the well-known band webzone
1-Vj: became a wrestler in an illegal arena…. he’s not proud of it, but it gives him money…… the man that will break your heart kind of material…. known by ‘poison smile’ got tattoo of his Arena name
2-Vl : open the restaurant (it got karaoke… and a stage to perform in) married a goth woman… her name is Lilith…. he got 5 kids 1 girl 4 boys . The oldest is a boy. The second oldest is a girl…. and the youngest is a baby named disc(you can say he’s a younger version of DJ by the action I mean) very chill dude….talks business…. financially stable.
3-slush.y : owns a party house(it’s a place where you’re going to party 24 hours every day) it looks more like a a nightclub than a house(and yes, it is his actual house)…… nightstand(to the fucking roof he lost track boy)…… the last person you go to for advice…. Actually loves slushy’s..(he actually loves to drink them all the time/he even makes them with alcohol drinks)….. smokes weed….. from where he got all that money?? answer ! scams boy(he plays 21)
4-mk : he became a lawyer. He is a very famous one too….. and actually… knows BB from a distance…(I don’t know if anybody remember this or does this person rings a bell)…. Actually, have a very stable lifestyle…. And love, criminal movies and yes, he is still a nerd….(try so hard to contacts all his brothers managed to only contact Vl…. and now he is his lawyer)
5-DJ the baby brother have become successful and heard about…… all over(he worked at the make a pizza Plex) he is a stable relationship with y/n…. Best friends with moon and sun (specially moon) doesn’t really speak to eclipse(eclipse is very distant from DJ) he got what he have always wanted and more(he doesn’t want his siblings to find out… because he doesn’t know how they’ve changed….. he just hope that everything happened for a reason and it’s probably for the better)
~THE END~
Did you have any idea how long this has been cooking in my brain?……. And I have been preparing some old pictures as well so as a small little, you know apology….. even though it’s not really a good apology
Baby DJ wearing Vj shirt
and here is a first description of how the siblings are now after the aftermath
#dj music man#djmm#fnaf#fnaf djmm#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#(almost) daily music man#yes#thebookawol#webzone#I am so so sorry
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh god is this cafe always packed or what! I forgot Eid last more than just one day, It's so busy oh lord. It's hard to focus I thiink I'll be going home soon.
Work was also very busy aswell, although it was actually really enjoyable! I think I am just having a really good day. The weather is nice and the music is wonderful. Working with this specific crew at work is actually so fucking fun like god we are so fucking stupid! Although one of the new guys, he kind sucks balls at his job. It takes him way too long to balance a tire but that's okay he's new. But I literally had to step in because what the fuck I want to go on my lunch for at least 30 minutes. Like how are you spending 10-15 minutes per tire balance? Keep in mind it usually takes me and most people around a min/tire for balancing. So I was like dude what the fuck bro let me come in here and get this done so we can enjoy our lunch man. I had the aux at work and gosh we were all listening to white girl pop HAHAA but let me tell you for some reason men just love their white girl music (I am men). Its like 9am and we are dancing to California girls by Katy Perry and grooving even though we got absolutely shitfucked by the scheduling--- 3 cars every 30/mins, only 1 machine the other is broken. LOLOLOL fucking Makoto had to do a 12 tire changeover and it was so funny. The face he had when I told him I wasn't joking fucking killed me. Whenever I'd walk up to him I still fuck with him ab out the "Boy did I catch you slacking off? GET YOUR ASS UP AND WORK BOY!!!" but really I've had such a lovely day and I feel more and more better. One of my coworkers left early because of one of his Eid functions he need to be at -- that where I found out Eid last around 4 days or so? no wonder this cafe is busy! Talking to him actually kills me too LOL, we were joking about me asking him to marry my daughter and joked about how he's the perfect muslim. "I am a hafiz, I did umrah 3 times I donate, I lead prayer and matter fact I actually know the prophet himself." LOLOLOL I think saying you met the prophet sounds like major sin, I'm the one who said that. These dudes at work the amount of sexual gay jokes being said to eachogher makes me feel that they actually want me bad! LOL I am afraid they'll catch me lacking in the change room. Why did one of them ask if I'd fuck a minion. Imagine stroking that thang and it says "baboy?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This cafe I noticed is very muslim populated and I think that's absolutely lovely. I occasionally eaves drop in their gossip and it's so funny it's really lively in here! everyone looks like they're having fun and I'm happy for them. I'm sipping this iced mocha at the moment after finishing a Ferrero rocker cake slice and I just feel hopeful and alive. I missed this feeling a lot.
I'll probably head home now and finish my work at my desk but I think I'll linger a bit in this environment as it makes me feel good.
I think I'm trying to plan a Banff trip with all the boys I know -- Aaron, Kishan, Josh, Andril, Kyle, Michael I hope I can bring Cole along aswell -- I think he'll need it. I feel like they'll be absolutely durnk one night while I'll have to manage everyone so they don't lose a kidney (oh my lord) but rafting, hiking, food, the scenery -- if they don't go I'll go by myself.
I wonder how I'll feel looking back at all of these entries ? would I feel nostalgic, sad? happy or fond? Who knows really but I'll never find out.
I really like my outfit I have on at the moment. I'm currently wearing a white knitted sweater, cursory pants, Uggs and a bandana and I feel super indie. I think I need to become an indie slut (I AM LYING! NEVER!) I need some summer clothing so maybe I'll go thrifting and pullout my sewing machine soon. speaking of that I need to get some materials so I can make my clothing pieces -- I want to show them in a visual for bold catalogue.
I asked Liam if he's down to make a soundtrack for bold with me and he's down!
Lachlan asked if I've been learning arabic because I said Wallahi im finished and LOL I definitely will learn a little bit in the future. Such beautiful calligraphy. And I'd like to flex that I am asian who knows arabic.
Tomorrow I think I'll go to school early and stay late and get a lot of studying done. I NEED TO STUDY! I CANNOT AFFORD TO FAIL PLEASE!!!
I've come to realize the amount of compliments I get on my tooth gem! It's funny how the moment I talk to someone and smile they immediately compliment and notice it! I feel like it adds a sparkle razzle dazzle to my wide grin. I don't mind compliments that are kindhearted like this. Like today, my coworker called me a cutie pie abg with a cute tooth gem LOL you have a girlfriend! does she know you're saying this to MEN! And at the cafe I got complimented on it when I smiled. I think I've always been a smiling grinny dude. I probably get it again once it falls off/more of them. maybe a crescent moon and a star? a heart would be kind of cunt as fuck.
0 notes
Text
Why I collect 45s
I went out and did some digging yesterday and found something pretty cool I’d like to share with y’all, cause it got me thinking about the hobby in general a bit.
Collecting 45s is really fucking awesome because you have a much higher chance of running into some really cool obscure shit for very very cheap. Magnolia is an incredibly small label and this is Stonie Martin’s only record. It’s also signed by one of the songwriters, Lamar Rutherford! And I only paid 25 cents for it.
Now, one of the caveats of collecting obscure music like this is that it’s not always obvious what kind of music is going to be on a record. It’s a bit easier to tell with LPs because they have nice big covers but with 45s the game is a bit trickier. When they’re priced super low like this one is I usually just buy it no questions asked if I think it looks cool (song title, artist, label design, etc) but when they’re priced higher it really helps to know your shit and know exactly what you’re looking for.
This is important because I thought this was a country record when I bought it. The other side is a cover of “You Win Again” by Hank Williams, hence the assumption. Dear reader, take a listen:
It’s blues. And it’s good blues. Records like this are why I collect. There’s no way I’d have known about this otherwise. And there’s a million other unknown gems like this. The world of recorded music is a bottomless fucking pit. It’s one of the most rewarding hobbies in the world.
If you’re at all interested, get out there and take a look at the little records with the big hole for a change. The best of humanity lives in between the grooves.
#record collecting#record collection#45rpm#blues music#mississippi#vinyl records#rant#record journal
1 note
·
View note
Text
4/10/23
Not a hugely eventful day. I now know why my upstairs neighbor was vacuuming at 4AM. They had family over, who were loud as hell and had a young baby with them.
I really didn't have a problem with it, I just... I finally committed to record my voiceover for the desire path project. And... it was like right when they started making noise. That frustrated me. But the sound didn't pick up, so that's really good.
It was so weird to be back in the booth again. Recording is so different from live-broadcasting. Doing takes is such a different creative process from improvisation, for real. I missed it, honestly. It came out pretty damn good. It took me a bit to get in my groove, and I really... kept my voice down... I've been anxious about it unfortunately, I wish I wasn't. But the hushed tone actually added a nice kinda... out on a porch late at night smoking a cigarette and telling a story kinda vibe. Which I really liked.
I'm a bit weirded out about why I'm keeping my voice down, why I'm insecure about that. I don't keep my voice down when I'm in therapy. I didn't keep my voice down on the phone when fighting with my mom, not nearly as much as I did while recording. It's weird.
It's something I don't really think about much. I don't speak out loud above a hushed tone or near-whisper... nearly at all anymore. It's very rare. Weird realization to have, right? I would guess there are periods where I go up to a week at a time without speaking at my full voice. How odd is that? That can't be healthy psychologically. XD
Anyway, the recording came out good. I cleaned it up, edited it, exported, popped it into Cubase and started to write music to go with it. I started with programmed strings, then transitioned to the midi keyboard to try to improvise on there, then said fuck it and just recorded guitar. But... the recording is like... over 10 minutes. That's a lot of improvisation, if you're not planning on repeating sections. So... I got a few minutes of 2 guitars improvising, and... I guess I'll just pick it up tomorrow or something. I lost steam.
I got chinese food and watched streams for the rest of the night. And that's about it.
Nice to be back in music-mode. And the voice work? That, honestly, that was the most satisfying part. So weird that I was prouder of that than of my music recording.
I remember late summer/early fall... I was helping a... former friend... with some recordings he wanted to do. He had a lot of voices, very distinct, he had potential for voice acting. I mean that. I basically... was his producer. And got some really interesting takes. And that was cool and all, but man... doing it yourself? It's so much... quicker. XD I can just adapt on the fly in real-time. "That take sounded insincere, just do it over real quick, but put yourself in this mindset". So much smoother to do that in a nanosecond in my head than to try to explain to someone what I mean, risk offending them, and pray they understand what I'm getting at.
So... I might look into doing some random voice acting gigs. Fuck it, if I say it's "for fun", then there's like no risk at all, right? I could even intentionally take gigs that are goofy and stupid, just for the challenge, just for guaranteed gigs so I can take that role to the next level. Watching all this RP is really inspiring me. And honestly, one of my biggest problems right now - in life - is a severe lack of confidence and self esteem. And there's really nothing that's more trial-by-fire than improvised roleplaying.
I've done it before, too! I played a guy on TwitchRP who was... when it was daytime in the game, he was a Jackass-cast-member type dude, but much more... low-key... more chill. And he wanted to be a stuntman. But when the sun went down, he would go and change his outfit and become "Little Ray", a young boy. Like a 7 year old kid.
I did not really enjoy playing Raymond, but absolutely loved playing Little Ray. I was very tempted to just convert the character to fully being a late-40's ugly man who had the mind of a 7 year old. A lot of people took interest in that side of him, and I loved seeing how they were completely thrown off by the transition, and how he retained no memory of the switch. But... what happened... is like... pretty much every fucking person tried to corrupt him when he was in child-mode. Gang members beat his head in with a golf club, his own "best friend" kept taking him out to sell weed, made him smoke weed and drove really fucking recklessly with him in the car. It ended up being really upsetting. I wasn't really mentally prepared, I guess. Because they just treated it like a cartoon, not like someone who was actually suffering from something pretty serious, and that at that moment he genuinely had the mental capacity of a child. And honestly? I really wish I had kept playing... and run into civs or cops, to get these guys some consequences. But like... I had this thing with him that like... he wasn't really supposed to know that he should go to the cops, he didn't really know that weed is something he shouldn't have, or selling it was illegal. Every time Luke took him out, I prayed the cops would show up. I would intentionally be loud and clumsy hoping to get them caught somehow. When we needed an EMS, Little Ray was loose lips the whole damn time. His naive nature worked both ways, you can trick him into doing crimes (some, I mean, some even a child won't do) but he also doesn't have the "street code" or common sense where you don't tell strangers that you were just out selling weed.
I liked the concept, but it started to get really dark. "What if someone tries to kill him? Or torture him? Or teach him a lesson?" Shit like that. It just really upset me, even in fiction. Like... even if it doesn't look like a child? It's still the mental capacity of a child. And honestly, I don't even feel like the cops would take a character like that serious enough to instill real consequences for like... attempted murder of a mentally ill person. Like... it definitely opens doors for powerful, dramatic RP, but like... everyone would have to be onboard with that, and I just... Ugh, I just hate the whole "gangs are cool, crime is cool, rap music, fast cars" bullshit. I know, it's GTA... so... Maybe my goal should be... Do some voice acting gigs, build up some experience, maybe fuck around on a public server or Twitch RP or something, then head over to WildRP. Red Dead. Maybe not the Little Ray character, but... I've got some ideas.
I'd love to do a fortune teller or something, a mystic of some kind. But like... something non-traditional. I don't really want to be a preacher. Too... clergy. Too many connotations. I don't want to do a native because... I would want to get that 100% right and I just don't feel up to sinking ages into research on a culture I know zero about. I wanted a sorta... layman. Someone who is overlooked, or marginalized, who won't be targeted. My first thought was a swamp shaman, like... a hillbilly type, who spoke simply and directly, but was super wise and profound within that syntax. Like... translating esoteric philosophy into "redneck" slang. That idea gets me really excited. And the other idea was the same kind of deal, but a hobo. No possessions, no needs really. No conflict desired. No need for money. A guide, an advisor. Just wandering around and offering advice, insight, readings, stuff like that... for food. That's all. Simple, to the point. I really like the idea.
So yeah, that's kinda where I'm at today. Didn't get a lot of sleep so I think I'm gonna get to bed early tonight.
0 notes
Text
I've been suppressing myself.
It's such a strange concept.
What is "myself"?
One could argue that I am always myself as I can never be anything but myself.
It's me acting after all.
But there's this idea out there.
You have to be "genuine", you have to be "you", you have find "yourself".
So, what's the difference?
It's something like when a person changes their behavior to, accommodate? For others?
Let's say, accommodate for anything.
So just letting it flow.
But also, people can be impulsive in a way that isn't them either.
Being yourself is not simply just allowing any upcoming thought or impulse to become action.
So, let's think about this.
Today for me I finally felt comfortable again.
I had to be alone.
I've been so frustrated and angry recently. I've felt so much pressure to be a certain way. I've felt so much judgement from others. I'm stuck in a very tiny box, without enough room for me to stretch. Maybe I put myself in that box, but I'm not sure.
People comment on me all the time.
They comment about my music.
"This music is so sad... maybe you'd wake up more if you played something else."
"You're so unorganized and chaotic. You need to get it together."
"You're always cranky."
"It would probably help you if you did (insert literally so many fucking things here."
"You're (insert annoying adjective here), you should be more (insert presumably helpful adjective, by their standards."
"You're weird."
"Why are you like this?"
...
I'm tired of hearing it. From friends, family, coworkers...
Then other people play music, and no one comments.
People do certain things, no one comments...
And maybe I'm too focused on myself and I'm not noticing how others do comment about other people. But it feels so...
I dont know.
It feels that I'm so different people always comment on it.
They're not used to me, or how I am, or what I do, or who I am.
It's easier for me to be "myself" when I'm alone.
I enjoy "sad" music. It makes me happy. It brings a smile to my face.
Today, I got into the groove of doing dishes and I just sang.
I fixed a couple of things.
I got down to business and worked.
I enjoyed it.
My stress, and anger, and irritability washed away.
I felt free.
I had to be alone.
I'd like to be able to be open with people but it's been hard.
I try to talk about my problems, or my ideas, or my frustrations, or my dreams and aspirations...
And I just get questioned all the time.
I dont get taken at face value...
I dont feel appreciated for who I am.
And maybe I'm doing something wrong. I'm certain I am.
But also... I'd like to be able to myself. I don't understand how i can find that peace. That balance. That flow. Where I can be myself and... other people are okay with it.
I miss being free.
0 notes
Text
Lonely this Christmas
summary: you and Harry broke up earlier in the year, but at Columbia’s Christmas party you see each other again, and you both realise just how much you miss each other
author's note: ahhhh i don’t think i've ever been so excited to post one of my works as i am this one and i hope you all enjoy my baby. the reader in this is musician!yn and i have so many other ideas for the little story line, so if you'd like to hear them, please let me know!
word count: 11k of baso angst, really fluffy fluff and some of the best smut I think i’ve ever written. there’s deepthroating... face-sitting... really just the whole shebang.
masterlist | please speak to me about LTC here!
You truly believed that Christmas was the best time of the year.
You loved everything about the festive time of year. From decorating the house, to listening to the music. From spending time with your family, to cosying up on the sofa and watching Christmas films. It was a special time of year, where everyone seemed to relax and walk around with joyous looks on their faces because no matter the year they’d have, it was nearly over and it’s finally time to celebrate the best aspects of the time that had passed.
You found yourself thankful for the year, but also thankful that it was over. This year had been one of the best, but also one of the worst years of your life. The thing that caused the year to not be the best that it could was the split you had with your long-term boyfriend. It was messy, and absolutely heartbreaking on your side and because it was such a big part of the year, it became one of the memories that you wished to ignore but you found yourself struggling too. On a brighter side, you had won your first Brit award this year for Best New Artist. It was a turning point in your career, for certain.
One thing that you’ve never enjoyed about Christmas is parties. You would much rather stay within the walls of your own house and spend your evenings alone, but being in the industry that you are it becomes a little harder. The Columbia Christmas Party happen’s every year, but this was you first year signed to the Record Label, so the first year you had been invited. You were shocked to be invited, but found yourself to be excited and dreading the experience all at once.
The thing that you found yourself thinking and worrying about the most was what you were going to wear. You wanted to impress everyone there, since you had found this new stardom for yourself and you had created this name for yourself which you hadn’t had before. After consulting with your stylist, you settled on a custom Gucci dress that was made for you to wear specifically to this event. The dress itself was a Christmas-green velvet material, which landed to about your mid-thigh with a square neckline. Attached to the square straps of the neckline, were tulle sleeves of the same colour that bunched at your wrists. It hugged your curves perfectly and once you’d added your black scrappy heels you really felt beautiful. Your natural features are accentuated, and you, for the first time in a long time, feel beautiful within your own skin.
That all changed the second you walked into the party.
You felt as though all eyes were on you, as though everyone was watching every step that you took to see what you’d do. It made you feel uncomfortable and immediately feel as though the dress you are wearing wasn’t right, it was too short and you needed to cover up. You were maybe 98% certain that they weren’t thinking about what you were wearing, but more so who you’ve just clocked eyes with.
You knew he was going to be here, and you had prepared yourself for the inevitable, but seeing him stood there completely changed everything that you had prepared for. You both were signed to the same record label, years after the two of you had met though, so it was no surprise that he was sat at one of the tables with a group of people around him as he spoke and laughed at what they were all taking about.
You tried to ignore the pinch within your heart, but it was hard. You weren’t the one who broke it off, and if things had gone according to your plan, you would still be together right now.
You had met Harry a few years ago, when you had first moved to London and you were bar and pub hopping, singing and hoping that you’d somehow stumble upon someone who could help you start your career. It was completely by accident that you both had met, and looking back at it quite embarrassing on your part. You were in the middle of your set when he walked in, as well as Mitch and Sarah, but you hadn’t seen them at that point. You had recently learnt how to play Sign of the Times on the piano and you had purposely brought your small keyboard out with you so you could play the song. Looking back on it, you probably wouldn’t have sung the song if you did know that he was there, but you didn’t know so you sung it. It was a little shaky at the start due to your nerves about playing the song for the first time out of the comfort of your room but you quickly found your groove, and you finished strong. Harry had later told you that, after a little bit of teasing from Mitch and Sarah, he knew that from how in awe he was of you he just had to speak to you. He walked up to you whilst you were in the middle of throwing your celebratory shot back that you always take after finishing your set and the first thing you ever said to him was, “Fuck!”
You always thought that would be a story you’d be able to tell your grandchildren, and you both had even spoken about it, but it just hadn’t worked out.
He seemed okay, which you were happy about. His new album had just come out, and you don’t think you’ve ever cried at a record as you did at that one. You knew it was about you, it was hard not to. All of the little hints that he left throughout his songs would blow over anyone else head, but you knew the true meaning of them and you think that’s one of the reasons you found it so emotional. He was smiling as he spoke to the people, briefly taking sips of his drink every now and then, which was only water so you wondered whether he’d drove there. You both would be flying home soon, but this would be the first time in three years that you’d be flying home alone.
To stop yourself from crying, you quickly make you way over to the bar. After running your eyes over the cocktail menu, your eyes immediately pricked at the sight of one, and you could stop the words as they left your lips: “A cherry bomb fizz please.”
You watched as the bartender added a cherry and some maraschino liqueur, before topping the drink off with Champagne. The drink was quite sour, but you quite liked it. It caused your lips to purse and eyebrows to widen, in a good way you must add.
“Could never handle your alcohol, could you?”
You could feel him before you heard him, but you didn’t want to turn around. Why he felt it okay to come up and talk to you were unsure about, but at the same time you had been hoping that he would. Why you were hoping that he would you were also unsure about, but you’re certain it had something to do with the fact that you weren’t quite over him.
“I think you’re mistaken.” You say, taking another sip of your drink, “You were the one who could never handle your alcohol. And this is just sour.”
He hums, as though he isn’t believing a word that you say, “If you say so, love.”
“Love?” You say, raising your eyebrow at him whilst throwing back the rest of your drink, “Thought those days were well over.”
“Force of habit, ‘suppose.” He shrugs, “I have a few of them when it comes to you.”
“You grew out of them.” I shrug, “Can’t remember the last time you called me love whilst we were together.”
He drops his eyes to the counter, and you know you’ve done what you’re supposed to. This is the first time you’ve spoken to since you broke up, and you can’t believe that it’s at a Christmas party of all places. He also had the audacity to call you love, something that you couldn’t believe he had the balls to do. The last few months of your relationship you were lucky if he even looked at you, and here he now was calling you love as though it’s totally okay to do so.
“I’ll always call you love.” He says, lifting his eyes up from the counter to look at you once more, “I’ll always care about you.”
“Where was this five months ago?” You ask, unable to stop yourself.
Your break up, in your opinion, came out of nowhere. You knew something had changed in your relationship, since he hardy had the time for you at the end of your time together. He’d get up in the morning and wouldn’t touch, or even kiss you. Then, when he’d come home it would be the exact same thing, he’d slip into bed and to stop yourself from feeling as though you were going to cry, you’d pretend you were asleep and hope that you’d actually fall asleep. He never told you a reason for breaking up with you, apart from that he needed space and that he couldn’t be with you. That was probably the thing that hurt you the most. He broke up with you, but you never really had a real reason why.
“I just needed to leave.” He says, “That was my main focus.”
You try to ignore your heart breaking all over again but it’s hard to, when it’s the only thing you can think about.
“Why now?” You say, “Why are you doing this now?”
“YN—”
You shake your head, “I don’t think I want to hear it. I’m going to go.”
“Don’t—”
“—YN!” You feel an arm thrown around your shoulder, one that you immediately realise is Jeff once you register his voice and his face once you turn to him, “I haven’t seen you in months! How are you?”
You can immediately tell that he’s drunk. From the slight slurring of his words, to the smell of alcohol on his breath as he speaks. You’re just as shocked to see him as he is to see you.
“I’m good, Jeff, thanks.” You smile, at him, trying to push the conversation you’ve just had with his friend out of your mind, “How are you?”
“I’m drunk.” He laughs, squeezing your shoulder slightly, “But! I’s nice to see you two together again!”
The whole ignoring the situation doesn’t quite go to plan. Once he’s said those words you immediately draw your eyes towards Harry. You’ve never wanted to leave a conversation as much as you did this one. You look at Harry, but he isn’t looking at you.
He gasps, “You should come over to the table! We’re all here and it’ll just be like old times.”
“I couldn’t possibly. . .” You shake your head.
“You can!” He says, “Come on, I won’t take no for an answer! And H, hurry up with those drinks.”
Jeff walks you away from the bar and towards the table that you noticed earlier when you noticed Harry for the first time this evening. Glenne, Mitch and Sarah are there, as well as Kid and a few other producers that you recognise from working on Harry’s album, as well as a few songs from yours also. You knew that just because you and Harry broke up you couldn’t expect the friendships that had formed because of you two to just stop altogether.
“YN!” There’s a course of cheers and Sarah’s the first to stand up and wrap her arms around you. Out of everyone, Sarah was the person who you were closest with out of Harry’s band. She had joined Harry’s band after you and Harry had been dating for a year or so when Sarah joined the band, and you two instantly clicked and became the closest of friends. You had spoken a few times with her since you had broke up, but nothing compared to what you used to. You weren’t surprised though, she was Harry’s drummer first and your friend after — or that’s what you told yourself to make you feel slightly better.
“Hi.” You smile, dropping down into the spare seat next to Sarah. Words are thrown around the table of glee that you’re there, as well as questions as to why you haven’t been in contact. You know they’re drunk, and you suspect that is why they’re saying all of the things they are. You were quick to fall out of the conversation as it moved onto the show that they did the day prior to celebrate the release of Harry’s album. You suppose the reason your feelings were so heightened today was due to your hearing the album for the first time yesterday and then replaying it today.
It was completely different to Harry Styles but still so Harry. You hated how his music made your feel, the sad and the happy ones, as well as all in between. Harry returned to the table shorty after clutching drinks in his hands, and under his arms. Why he didn’t just make two trips, you would never know, but it’s lucky that all the drinks made it without any spillages.
“We were just talking about yesterday.” Glenne says, taking a sip of her drink as she does before turning towards you, “Have you heard the album, YN?”
“You don’t have too—” Harry turns to your briefly.
“I have.” You nod, “It’s good, a masterpiece even. You should be proud of it, H.”
You can see his shoulder tense, and from knowing him as well as you do, you wouldn’t be surprised if his heart just sunk to the bottom of his stomach. If you’ve listened to the album, it means that you’ve heard the song that Harry hoped you hadn’t.
“What would you say is your favourite?”
You look directly at him as you say the next words, and you hope he listens to them, “Probably Cherry.”
The other’s carry on talking as though you hadn’t said anything at all, but Harry doesn’t open his mouth again. He doesn’t stop looking at you though, and the way you look gorgeously defeated. A part of him wondered whether he was the one who caused you to be this way. About a month ago he asked some producers he knew that were working on your album with you how you are, and they said that you just seemed sad. It broke him to hear those words, just the words he had said to you all those months ago had broken you. Out of the blue, probably not but due to you not paying any attention, the group all move in, including you and Harry to have a reminiscent group photo.
He does open his mouth again when the group disperse to the dance floor, leaving the two of you all alone at the table.
“I’m sorry.”
You don’t lift your eyes up from the end of the table cloth you’re messing with, an exasperated laugh leaving your lips, “What for? Breaking up with me? Taking everything from me? Or, I don’t know, using that in your song?”
“I thought you wouldn’t mind.”
“You thought I wouldn’t mind.” You shake your head, completely baffled at his words, “Why would you think that? I trusted you with that, and now it’s on the end of one of your songs.”
“I’m sorry about everything, but especially that.” He says, and you can tell he’s being genuine with the look in his eyes. He looks as though he’s about to cry.
“Why did you do it?” I asks, “You could’ve asked me. I would’ve said yes, I swear to you.”
“I was nervous.” He says, “We didn’t leave on the best of terms, and I felt as though asking would’ve have been the best.”
“So you decided to do it anyway?”
“Will you forgive me, please?” He asks, and you can tell his voice is about to break, “Please.”
“That’s it, Harry.” You say, “I don’t think I can.”
The next morning you awake with a slight hangover, which wasn’t surprising because once you’d left quickly after saying your last words to Harry, and opened a bottle of vodka that you had in your cupboard. That bottle now sits on your bedside table, three-quarters of it drunk and the cause of your hangover. You were thankful that you hadn’t gotten too drunk before you left the party, due to the wraths of paparazzi that were there as you left. You remember leaving with your head down, ignoring their calls and questions, as well as their their cameras flashed at you. You had gotten into your car, your driver had smiled at you and the second the car started moving away from the club you found yourself unable to stop the tears that streamed down your face.
This wasn’t the first time that you’d done this since you’ve broken up with Harry, but this was certainly the worse you’ve felt since you’ve done so. Your head had its own heartbeat, and you felt as though your were stable on your feet as you trudged towards the kitchen to have some orange juice, your remedy for your hangovers to say the least. It was always something that Harry thought ahead about when you were together. If he knew that the two of you were going out he’d always stock up the fridge. The amounts of time since that you’ve gotten drunk and not had any orange juice within the house is quite atrocious and he knew from experience that they never ended well.
You drink your first glass of the drink quickly, and pour your second one before making you way back into your bedroom. Due to the amount of time you spent in LA, you had purchased your second apartment here, your first being in London. It wasn’t the nicest ever, but it was good enough for you when you were here, and something that you were thankful to have when you woke up from nights like these.
You fall back down upon your bed and the first you think you pick up is your phone, shocked at the thousands of notifications your found on it. You’re still slightly asleep so you rub your eyes a few times before clicking upon the instagram app. The thousands of notifications are dm’s and comments upon your photos. After clicking through the notifications, you find the culprit sat with a lovely love heart emoji on Glenne’s story.
At some point that morning, probably whilst you were growing your sorrows away with vodka, she had posted the photo of you all on her story with the caption ‘the band’s back together,’ a heart emoji and tagged you in it. All the messages were asking whether you and Harry were back together again, not because you’d ever gone public with your relationship, but Harry had gone public with your breakup in his interview with the Rolling Stones and with Zane Lowe. He was very respectful in the way that he spoke about it, which was all you ask for. You hadn’t actively gone out to watch and read what he was saying, but your manager had warned you about them before you had done some interviews and you were curious to say the least what they were about.
In the photo you could tell that you and Harry were the only ones who were sober. Everyone else had drunken grins on their faces whilst you and Harry, to say the least, had very uncomfortable smiles across both of your lips. It annoyed you slightly that the two of you couldn’t even be in the same place anymore without having messages upon messages about whether or not you’re back together. Anyone with a brain could see that you certainly weren’t just by the expression on both of your faces.
You weren’t annoyed, or angry that the photo had been posted because you wouldn’t have taken the photo if you didn’t want it to be posted, but you did take the photo. You were always taking photos together before the breakup, and photo booths were you speciality. It’s another thing that you had hardly done since the breakup, so it was nice to see the photo but deep down a part of you wished that it hadn’t have been taken.
It’s all over all of the social media’s, and you decide that it’s probably best if you just put your phone down. You’re about place it on your bedside table when a notification pops up on the top of your screen, and without thinking, you tap on it, sending you straight to the messages app and to who had sent you the message.
Harry: YN?
Why he was sending you a message in the first place, you had no idea. Why he was messaging your so early in the morning was also something that confused you even more.
Harry: I know you’re reading this.
Harry: Your read receipts are on.
You curse yourself for being so click-happy when you see a notification, and more so for having your read receipts on because you know you can remove them but you don’t quite know how to. You contemplate for a few seconds what to say in your drunken, tired haze, before typing out the message:
YN: Can I help you?
His reply comes in a few seconds later.
Harry: Are you free?
YN: Why?
Harry: Meet me at Beachwood. Usual time.
YN: Why should I?
Harry: Just be there. Please.
YN: I will.
When you walk down the pavement towards the Beachwood Cafe, its as though you’re doing so without actually thinking about it. When you and Harry were together — this was your place. You can’t even remember the amount of dates the two of you have had here, tucked away in the corner whilst the music played, chatting away endlessly about things that popped into each of your minds. It got to the point that when you two were free, and managed to get to go, you had been that much that the waitresses knew your order by memory. The first time they had done it, you remember the way you both smiled sheepishly at each other and back at the waitress.
It was decorated for Christmas. You could see a tree in the corner of the cafe, as well as lights and tinsel across the windows. If you weren’t so nervous you probably would have smiled at the sight of it.
You push the door open and hear the familiar ding of a bell that rings whenever someone walks through, and you’re catapulted back to last year when you did the exact same thing but with a smile on your face from your excitement of seeing your boyfriend, one who you cared and loved very much.
The low hum of Mud’s Lonely this Christmas fills the room, very apt for the current situation and you’re guessing the mood of the conversation you’re about to have. It was late, close to closing time but you and Harry found that to be the best time to come, because hardly anybody else did.
He’s already sat at your usual table, the one in the corner because the two of you often liked to people watch. It had started off a silly game once when you were both tired and didn’t really want to talk about your lives, so you started brainstorming what other people’s were like. As much as you hated to admit it, Harry’s stories were always the better of the two of you but you didn’t mind, because you could little to the words he spoke to you for every minute for the rest of your life and you wouldn’t mind.
He’s already gotten your drinks, you can see the two glasses upon the table in front of him. You pull out the chair, making him look up from his phone at you. You can see his features immediately soften at the sight of you stood there.
They always used to do that.
“I thought you weren’t coming.” You don’t reply, “I got you a peppermint hot chocolate. I know It’s one of your favourites.”
It was one of your favourites, and you haven’t been able to have one in a while because, surprise surprise, they remind you of Harry, and the time you used to spend together.
“Thank you.” You say, picking up the drink and taking a sip of the hot liquid, dropping it back down and looking at him directly in the eyes, “Why did you invite me here?”
He clears his throat, and the movements of his elbows suggest he’s wiping his hands upon his trousers.
“I want to apologise. For everything, this time.” He says, and you watch as he places his hands back upon the table, messing with the rings on his hand. He still wore the one you got him for your anniversary a year ago, “For how I acted yesterday, the day we broke up and the months before hand. I was a dick, and there’s no excuse for it, but I just hope that you accept my apology.”
“I do.” You say, after a couple of seconds of contemplation, knowing that there was no point to having this dragged out for any longer than it already was, “I just want to know why, that’s all I want.”
“I.” He stops and lets out a shaky breath, “I don’t know, if I’m honest with you. I was just so investing into getting the album finished, and for some reason in my mind I thought that it would be best if I was single to do that.”
“Why would you think that?” You ask, the tears brimming on your waterline.
“I don’t know. The second I watched you walk out of the door, and when you didn’t turn around to look again but just drove away, I knew I’d messed up.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” You choke back a sob, trying to be quiet to not draw attention to the two of you, “You should’ve stopped me. Explained. I love you Harry, I would have done anything to help you. You needed space, I would’ve given it to you. You needed me, I would’ve been there.”
He drops his head, “I know.”
“Then why didn’t you?” You suck in a breath and bite your head to stop anymore sounds from escaping, “You let me leave. You watched me leave. Why didn’t you stop me?”
“I felt guilty. I’d just broken up with you, love, do you really think that it would’ve been a good idea for me to all of a sudden say I wanted you back?”
Silent tears stream down your face, “You had months to, Harry. Months. You did nothing.”
“And it’ll be the biggest regret of my life, YN, I promise you.” He says, and you can tell that he’s trying to stop himself from crying, “It will be. I’ve been a mess without you.”
You still love Harry, and you know that you do, and you hate seeing him so upset. You believe that’s why you reach forward to take his hand in yours.
“I have too.”
Somehow, you and Harry had been booked on the same flight home, and you managed to get seats next to each other. Spending that time next to each other was good, you believed. It gave you the opportunity to properly speak and catch each other up on everything that had happened. Harry had apologised, yet again, for everything that had happened and you had too. You gushed over his album once you had done, and that was when he invited you to the Secret London Show he was holding at the Electric Ballroom.
That takes you to now, stood in front of your mirror looking over your outfit to make sure that it was presentable enough. You knew you had to look presentable, but it wasn’t as fancy as the Christmas party. You dressed yourself in a long sleeved black lace top, and paired it with some black jean flares and your docs. Simple, yet quite effective in the grand scheme of things.
You were nervous to say the least about what what the evening was going to hold, especially since Gemma and other people who you hadn’t seen since the two of you broke up were going to be there. You weren’t exactly prepared, and if they asked you any questions you’d have no idea about what to say, but once you had brought that up with Harry, he said to just answer with the truth, which you were going to.
The entire way to the electric ballroom you were nervous, your heart was beating out of you chest and you felt as though you shouldn’t have been going. You thought that up until you arrived, when you walked backstage to see Harry and Gemma stood talking whilst Harry was getting ready. Once he saw you, his features rose into a smile and yours did too, and you walked over to press a kiss to his cheek in greeting.
“YN!” You could hear the shock in Gemma’s voice as she noticed that it was you and she immediately stood up and wrapped her arms around you, “I haven’t seen you in so long. How are you?”
“I’m okay, thanks Gem.” You smiled, pulling away and tucking some of your hair behind your ear, “How are you?”
“I’m amazing.” She says, “I certainly didn’t expect you to be here. Are you two back together? Please tell me that you are.”
Instead of answering straight away, you turn to look at Harry briefly. You both knew exactly what was running through your brains, and the way you both smiled at each other made that completely obvious. He nodded, and then you knew exactly what to say.
You grin and turn back to Gemma, “Trying to.”
“Oh, I’m so happy for you.” She wraps you in another hug, “He was a mess without you, and I know you were a mess without him. You’re soulmates. I can’t believe he even did it in the first place.”
“I think we all couldn’t.” You laugh.
“Hey!” Harry whines from the chair beside the two of you, “I made a mistake, we all get it.”
You and Gemma laugh and from then it’s like the past six months hadn’t happened and you were still the best of friends. That was one thing about being with Harry, you loved his family just as much as you loved him. Gemma was like a sister to you, and she was even when you broke up but you just hadn’t seen her. Anne, well she was like a second mother to you. She always made sure to make you feel included at family gatherings, and she even came to stay with you sometimes when Harry went away for a while and you couldn’t go with him. You had missed Harry the most during this time, but Anne and Gemma were two people that you had also missed more than anything.
The majority of people make their way to where they’re watching the show soon after, but you tell Gemma that you’ll meet her on the balcony later because you wanted to have a quick word with Harry. He was in the middle of shrugging his jacket upon his shoulders when you walked through the door, and he immediately stopped his movements and turned to look at you.
He furrowed his eyebrows, “Everything okay?”
You shrug and bite your lip, stepping for arms a few steps towards him, “Just wanted to see you.”
You find your eyes flicking up and down his body, taking in the monochrome yellow suit he had on with a black tie. You always loved and supported Harry’s wardrobe choices, and you had missed in the time you hadn’t been with him picking them out with him. You felt as though this was an excellent choice.
“You look amazing.” He says, taking a few steps forward so that you’re directly in front of each other. You watch as he lifts his hands up, about to place them on your waist but he stops himself and drops his arms back down. Without hesitation you grab his wrists and place them upon your waist. His eyes widen, but the second he feels your skin underneath his hand, just separated by the thin material of your lace top.
“Thank you.” You bite your lip and wrap your fingers around his tie, lightly picking up the material, “You look so handsome, H.”
He almost lets out a sob at your words, but he quickly stops himself and smiles at you. Without thinking, you lean forward and press your lips upon his. They feel so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. You want to cry. You’ve dreamt of this for months, the feeling of having him this closer to you again, and from the way he wraps his arms around your back and pulls you even closer to him, so that your body is fully flushed against his. You pull away with a smile and immediately drop your head to his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist under his jacket and hugging him close to you. You finally feel a tear escape from your eye.
“I’ve missed you so much, H.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
He sings the entire Fine Line album from start to finish, and from how much you’ve listened to the album you actually know the majority of the words. You sing and dance away with Gemma, posting instagram stories of the two of you, and then one of how proud you are of Harry. You don’t need to explain yourself, there certainly isn’t a need to so you do so without any hesitation. You realise you’ve missed watching him perform, the way he can entertain a crowd with his talents has always been something you’d been jealous of. You’ve done shows here and there but because your album isn’t due to be out until the start of next year, when you plan to do your first world tour, and even though you try your hardest, you don’t feel as though you’ll ever be able to work a crowd the way he does. Where Stormzy came from, you still have no idea, since you hadn’t seen him downstairs but all of a sudden he’s singing Vossi Bop with Harry and your watching with your mouth dropped open in shock as he does so.
You and Harry make the executive decision to go to Harry’s house after the concert. It’s how you both found yourselves sat on Harry’s sofa, a glass of wine in each of your hands. You head is leant against the back of the sofa, whilst Harry’s hand leans upon the back of it, running his fingers through your hair. It’s comforting, and the smile hasn’t left your face since he started to do it.
“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, moving his hand from your hair to run his finger along your cheekbone, then down until he’s running it across your lips, “I can’t believe I ever pushed you away. You were my girl. I was going to marry you, I needed to marry you, still do.”
“I’m back now.” You whisper back, lifting your hand to place on his cheek, “And I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard you try and push me away, I’m not leaving.”
“I don’t want you too.” He shakes his head, “I’ll never want you too again.”
Without really thinking, you take the glass out of Harry’s hand and place both of yours upon the table in front of you, listening to the sound as glass meets glass. He leans back on the sofa with a puzzled look, immediately realising what is happening when you move to straddle his hips, placing your hands upon his shoulders to steady yourself. His hands fall upon the small of your back, his hands dragging up and down to tease your skin.
You lean forward, moving so that your faces are inches apart. You knock his nose slightly with yours, causing his cheeks to curl upwards with a smile before you capture it with your lips. immediately responds by kissing your back, pushing his body so that it’s placed even closer to yours if it’s physically possible.
Without a warning you pull away from him, slipping off his lap so that you’re on your knees in front of him. His eyes never leave yours as you so, and he immediately opens his legs so that you can slip in between them, his finger running over his bottom lip as he watches you.
“What are you doing?” He asks.
“Want to feel you.” You reply, resting your hands upon his thighs, “Want to feel you in my mouth. Can I?”
“Go ahead, baby.”
You feel excitement bubbling in the pit of your stomach, and with shaky hands you move to unfasten his belt, and unbutton and unzip his trousers without much struggle. He lifts his hips up so that you can manoeuvre his trousers down and off his legs, leaving him in his black boxers. You bite your lip at the sight of the tent within the flimsy material, already growing and ready for you. You feel slightly overwhelmed that after so long of waiting, and wanting him to be in front of you again, he actually is.
“Already so hard for me, H.” You say, running your hand over the fuzz upon his bare thighs, “Have you thought about this as much as I have.”
“I thought about it everyday.” He replies, quickly at that, “It’s etched in my brain, the sight of you on your knees for me.”
You bite your lip as your grin, leaning to press a kiss to his stomach, just above the happy little trial that slips underneath the hem of his boxers. You feel his stomach tense underneath your lips, especially when you hook your fingers into the hem of his boxers, wiggling the material down until you can completely take it off once he’d lifted his hips again. He’s fully hard for you, and you can feel your stomach doing little flips in excitement for what is going to happen.
Sex, as it is in most relationships, was a big part of yours and Harry’s. It’s important that couples are comfortable with each other when revealing such intimate parts of themselves, and you and Harry were. If any of of you wanted to try anything, you could do so because of how comfortable you felt with each other. Whenever the other wanted to try anything, you’d do so without any hesitation and in such a way that you both enjoyed it. You both had your kinks, and your shared ones, and over the courser of your relationship you both explored those feelings. You were just happy that even though you had spent such time away from each other, you could still feel that confidence bubbling between the two of you, and those feelings bubbling between each other. Harry made you feel a way no other human being has ever been able to, and you were thankful because you felt as though you’d never be able to find that with anyone else, and now you didn’t have to worry because you were back together.
“You ready to take me in your mouth baby.” He says, placing his hand upon your cheek, “Ready to take me the way you used to.”
“Always, baby.”
Your tongue slips from between your lips and you lick a stripe up his throbbing cock, causing a low groan to escape through Harry’s lips. You can’t help but smile at the sound, knowing that you had caused that. Another groan escapes his lips once you wrap your lips around his tip completely, taking it into your mouth and you can help but giggle slightly. He smiles down at you and pulls your hair up so that it’s off of your face, making a makeshift ponytail to help move you up and down his cock.
“Look so good with my cock in your mouth.” His tongue slips out of his mouth to wet his lips, “Always could take me so well. Show me, baby, show me how deep you can go.”
You comply, taking him as deep as you can until you can feel him in the back of your throat. You eyes start to water, and you look up at him through your eyelashes. You hold for as long as possibly can before he lightens his touch and allows you to pull away. A string of saliva connects you two together as you and you wipe your lips with the back of your hand to remove it.
“Can you do it again?” He asks and you sheepishly nod, flicking your eyes between his throbbing member and him a few times before wrapping your lips back around him, “Fuck, baby, no one can do this like you can. No one.”
His words spur you on and you deep throat him as far as you possibly can before you need to gasp for air, taking a few seconds before starting to bob your head again, taking a few seconds at each time to run your tongue over his throbbing tip, collecting some of the salty pre-come that had started to bubble there.
“So good to me.” He lets you stop for a minute, and you place your head upon his thigh so that you can catch you breath. It was almost as though he knew that you needed to take a breather. You had the slight problem of always trying to do more than you’re able too and you almost always end up loosing too much of your breath, “Even though I’m an absolute twat. You’re always so good to me.”
“You deserve it.” You say, your throat a little coarse from your actions before.
“I don’t.” He shakes his head, “I broke your heart.”
You hesitate for a few seconds, “But you’re fixing it.”
“I shouldn’t have broken it in the first place.”
You move so that your higher up and able to place a kiss to his lips, whispering against them, “You’re fixing it.”
He kisses you back with more passion than before, moving his hand to grip under your thighs so that he can pick you up and place your on his. His fingers tug at the hem of your lace shirt, so you detach your lips so that you can pull it over your head. He groans at the sight of your bare chest to him, your nipples hardening into stiff buds at the feeling of the cold air immediately on your skin.
“No bra?” He presses a few open mouthed kisses to your neck, “You’ve been with me all evening, and I never even fucking noticed that you didn’t have a bra on.”
“You used to have a special talent for noticing when I didn’t have a bra on.” You giggle, sighing slightly at the feeling of his lips on his neck, and then the subtle feeling of his teeth grazing your skin.
“I must’ve lost my touch. But don’t worry.” He pulls away and looks you directly in the eye, “I’ll soon get it back.”
“Of course you will.” You laugh, but he stops it with his lips. The first time you and Harry kissed, you were so nervous. You felt as though you were going to mess up and he’d never want to kiss you again. You were completely wrong, and he actually ended up saying that it was one of the best kisses of you life. You couldn’t believe his words, and since then you completely found yourself wanting his lips to be on yours. Just as they were now, his tongue slipping between your lips and the feeling always transporting the two of you to where it’s just you, and you have the time in the world to kiss as much as you want to.
He moves his kisses down your neck, leaving sloppy ones against your skin until he was at the curve of your breast. Harry was a boob man, you knew that for a fact. As much as he loved to hold onto your ass every now and then, you always noticed that he spent the majority of his time focusing on your boobs. Whether it be sucking blemishes into the plushly skin whilst you fucked, or laying his head on them as you both calmed down from your activities, he always, without fail, focused on your boobs.
He knew that if he attacked your nipples skilfully with his tongue, he could have your dampening your panties and clenching your thighs together so much that he couldn’t resist it. He starts by wrapping his lips around your right nipple, tugging on the flesh slightly with his lips before letting it go with a pop.
“Fucking love your tits, love.” He sighs and you giggles slightly before gasping at the feeling of his pinching your other nipple with his fingers, “Fit in my hands, and in my mouth, so nicely.”
You moan in response to his words and throw your head back as he wraps his lips around your other one, sucking and sending flutters all the way down to your core. You wanted him, yearned for him, and you were beginning to grown inpatient.
“Can we go to your bedroom?” You run your fingers through his hair and pull his head back so that he’s looking at you, “Bedroom.”
“Is that where you want it?”
“Want it in your bed.” You say, placing your hand upon his cheek, “Our bed.”
He stands up with you still on him, your legs wrapped around him as he carries your upstairs. You rest your head upon his shoulder so he can look over yours and direct you safely to the comforts of his bedroom.
This place didn’t hold the best of memories from the last few months of your relationship but if you ignored that and focused on the positives, you had some of your best times in this room. It was a place where the two of you could completely be yourselves, and have a place to call yours. The pillow talk that occurred in this room was out of this world, and it was where you planned your future. One that was put on hold briefly but now seemed to be ready for the two of you again.
“Will you strip for me?” He asks as he places your down in the room, “I want to watch you slip out of those jeans, baby.”
You nod but at first undress him. You slip the jacket from his shoulders, skilfully loosen his tie and pull it over his head. Next is his shirt which you start to unbutton, but Harry grows impatient and rips it off, the buttons flying in all sorts of directions.
“Harry!”
“Oops?” He laughs, sitting down on the bed.
You had given Harry one strip tease before, for his birthday a year ago and it had gone down a treat. You had dressed up in your fanciest lingerie, which happened to be a black set that he had bought specifically for you for your birthday with ‘Styles’ embroidered on the inside. There was something, for the both of you, that you loved about seeing his name all over your the undergarments you wore. Whenever you wore them out in public, the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, as though you were hiding a naughty secret that you didn’t want anyone to know about.
“Are you going to?” He urged, not taking his eyes off you’re, “I’m waiting.”
“Might make you wait a little longer.” You smile, running your fingers along the hem of your jeans, “Seeing as though you left me waiting for how long?”
“Don’t tease.”
“Why?” You shrug, “That was your speciality, wasn’t it?”
He had a love for teasing you, always had done. From the first time the two of you had sex, you knew he liked to tease. He liked to tease you all over, having your body withering under his touch until you couldn’t help but beg for him to touch you. You had a slight suspicion that he enjoyed hearing you beg for him, whimpering under his touch until you were crying for him to touch you. You remember that once, he had been teasing you all day whilst you had been out and about, but once you had gotten home he was teasing you so badly, overstimulating you over and over until you were crying for him to make your come.
“Just strip, my love.” You laugh and his words and unfasten the button to your jeans, turning around so that your ass is facing him, pulling your jeans down to reveal your black lace panties to him. You’re not surprised when he smacks his hand to the flesh of your ass, causing you to turn around with a gasp.
“That wasn’t nice.” You move so that you’re straddling him again.
“When have I ever been nice?” He raises his eyebrows, “I don’t think you want me to start now.”
He leans forward and places his lips to yours again, his body falling back upon the bed so that you’re hovering above him. His fingers run down from the small of his back, to her ass again until he’s gripping the flesh between his fingers, quite harshly you must say so which goes straight to your core. You know that the front of your panties are ruined by your wetness, and you know for certain that Harry does also.
“Sit on my face.” He mumbles against your lips.
“What?” You whisper back.
“Sit on my face.” He places a kiss to your jaw, “Wanna eat that pretty cunt, want to have you trembling above me.”
You would squeeze your thighs together, but you can’t because of his body between yours. You nod your head and clamber off him, pulling your underwear down your legs quickly. You move up the bed until you’re next to his head, spreading your legs and placing your knees on either side of his head. His hands grip your thighs, dancing his fingers along your thighs.
“Please, H.” You say, pushing his hair off of his forehead as you look down at him.
“Didn’t think you’d be begging so soon, baby.” He chuckles, pressing a few kisses upon your cheeks.
“I’m doing no such thing.” You shake your head, “You’re just being slow.”
He certainly isn’t being slow when he leans his head forward and starts to attack your clit with his tongue. You have to quickly lean forward also and grab the headboard to steady yourself, a moan escaping your lips as he does so. He attacks your clit quickly, and you can’t help but grind your hips forward at the feeling. He curls his hands around your thighs, stopping you from moving anymore. You cry out as he doesn’t slow down, and you pull his hair slightly. It emits a moan from him which vibrates against your clit, creeping your closer and closer to your peak.
It becomes a cycle. As you pull on his hair, more moans and groans tumble from his lips again sty your clit. He knew the more that he focused upon your clit, the closer you’d find yourself to your orgasm. He had learnt this, and he certainly hadn’t forgotten it.
You bite your bottom lip and close your eyes, rocking your hips back and forth against his tongue. He knows your close, due to your thighs clamping around his head. He doesn’t slow down, but instead he flicks his tongue even quicker.
“Fucking hell.” You moan, your body starting to shake as you feel your orgasm wash over you. He continues to attack your clit, coaxing you through your orgasm until you’ve finished and catching your breath.
“You taste so fucking good.” He says, dancing his fingers upon your thigh, “Missed your taste.”
“Fuck me, H.” You say, breathlessly.
He doesn’t hesitate. You manoeuvre yourself off of his head and lay so that you’re head is rested upon his pillow. He leans to open his bedside drawer but you stop him, grabbing his arm and pulling his back to you.
“Did you sleep with anyone else?” You ask, knowing that this could make or break whether you were going to be fucked or not at this moment.
“No.” He says, immediately shaking his head, “I didn’t. Did you?”
You also shake your head, “I wanna feel you, H. Want you to come in me.”
He groans without even touching you yet, or you touching him. He immediately drops his lips to yours, and you can’t help but giggle and smile into the kiss. You wrap your arms around his back and pull him closer to you. He pulls away slightly, just to grip his cock, running his thumb over his tip a few times.
“Are you sure?” He says and you nod, threading your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck.
“Please, H.” You nod, hips bucking towards his, “I need you.”
“Need you too.” He kisses you again, “Always need you.”
He leans forward, looking down between the two of you to line his cock up with your entrance. He runs the tip over your clit for a second before pushing into you. Your walls immediately envelope him, tightening around him with every inch that he moves in. You sigh against his lips, wrapping your arms around his back. He starts to move in and out of you, your walls clenching around him as he tries to find his rhythm.
“Fuck.” You can’t help but moan that into his ear.
“Taking me so well.” You drop your hands to rest on your pillows next to him, to which he takes your hand in his as he starts to quicken his pace, “Missed your pussy so much. Never leaving again.”
Instead of replying, you place your lips upon his again. From the way his eyes are screwed closed, you can tell that he’s close. If it’s possible, he starts to thrust his hips harder towards you, hitting a point so deep into you that causes a whine to fall from your mouth.
“You’re gonna come, aren’t you?” He says against your neck, moving in and out until your thighs are shaking beneath him, “Can feel you, fuck, can feel you clenching around me. Milking my cock, aren’t you?”
You hum, “Feel so good, H. I’m so close.”
When you do come, you see stars. You clench around him, and profanities escape your lips. The feeling is completely how you remember it. You hadn’t been completely celibate since breaking up with Harry, since you do own a little bullet vibrator that had been your friend. You had it for years before you met Harry, and you used it whenever he was away or if the two of you fancied spicing it up every now and then.
You come down from your high just as Harry is catapulted into his, coating your walls with his as does so. His body collapses on top of yours, his head rested at the side of yours. He’s still inside of you, and both of your chests are rising up at down at a quick pace.
“Fucking hell.” He laughs, and you turn your head to look at him. He has a grin upon his face and you lean forward to kiss his dimple, “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”
“I know.” You smiled, “You’ve told me multiple times. I’ve missed you to.”
He finally pulls out, and you immediately felt empty. You whined slightly and he moved off of you, dropping down upon the bed next to you. You take this as the opportunity to slip from your bed. Due to not having sex in a long time, you flip your legs over the edge of the bed and prepare yourself for having to take a few steps. Taking a deep breath, you stand up and waddle your way towards Harry’s bathroom, scooping up Harry’s shirt on the way.
You know the way like the back of your hand, and it’s oddly comforting to you. Once you’re in the bathroom, you clean yourself and do your business. Once you’re satisfied, you shrug Harry’s shirt on and do up a few buttons so that you’re covering at least a bit of yourself as you do so.
Harry’s underneath the covers as you return to his room, smiling at you with dimples and all as you walk back through the door. He’s on his side of the bed, and you clamber into yours. The feeling of having someone in bed next to you makes you happy inside. You lay upon your side, with one of your hands beneath you head and Harry copies your movement. Your faces are close, and he leans forward to place a kiss to your nose.
You smile, “Hi.”
“Hi, love.”
“Are you okay?” You ask and he nods, “Do you think we’ve rushed this?”
“No.” He’s quick to say, “I don’t think we have. We needed this. I’ve never felt closer to someone as I do to you right now.”
“Me neither.” You smile, moving to grab his hand that was rested upon his side, “And I don’t think I will again.”
“Darling.” Harry says, pointing his finger in the air as he does so.
Chloe hesitates for a second before letting out a, “Ding!” to say that he was right.
It was Boxing Day, and after spending Christmas Eve and the majority of Christmas Day with your family, you had driven from your family house up to Cheshire to spend the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with Harry’s family. You were all sat in the living room playing a game, sporting glasses of wine and basking in the Christmassy feeling of being together again.
After Harry’s show on the nineteenth, and the acts that happened afterwards, you and Harry had many conversations. There was a few tears from the two of you, and the conversation got heated in some aspects but you were together again, and that was the main thing. Originally, you had decided to spend Christmas separate, without each other’s company just because it was such a sudden change and you wanted to make sure that you fully weren’t rushing into things. Then, whilst sat on the sofa after devouring your Christmas dinner, with Mud’s Lonely this Christmas playing through your speakers that you realised that you missed Harry, and a Christmas without seeing him now was a Christmas that you didn’t want in your life.
You had contemplated surprising him and just turning up, but you felt as though that wasn’t fair on the rest of his family, and that’s why you messaged and asked him. He replied asking whether you were certain that you wanted to do this, and you said yes and he said that he’d have a cup of tea ready for you whenever you arrived.
He did have one ready for you, and it was everything you needed to warm yourself up after the long journey.
Anne, Gemma and Michal asked no questions to you, but you had no doubt that they had asked Harry some on your journey. Anne had welcomed you with a hug, and so did Gemma and once their prying eyes were away, Harry kissed you as though his life depended on it, pressed against the staircase of his mother’s house whilst fairy lights twinkled around them.
Anne’s next to go, hoping that her answer of, “Sweetheart,” was at the top of the list.
Chloe replies with, “Uh huh,” to which everyone “Ooo’s” in response at.
You’re rested upon the back of the sofa, with a flute of Champagne in your hand. Harry, in his flat-cap almost breaking your hear with how handsome he looked, turned around and pointed his finger at you.
“Come on, now.” He says, “Be smart with this. It’s sticky stuff.”
“Babe.” You immediately reply, knowing that was one of pet names that Harry called you the most.
People around the room laugh at Harry’s phrase of ‘sticky-stuff’ but that doesn’t mask Chloe’s exclamation of, “Ding!” followed by, “Top answer.”
You smile at the knowledge and Harry turns to you also, holding his fist up for you to fist bump which you both laugh at. He holds his hand out and you pass him your drink, which he takes a sip of quickly before returning it to you so you can carry on playing the game.
Michal is next, and for some bizarre reason to all of you he says, “Cutie-pie,” which certainly isn’t on the list. The room chuckles around you, and Harry says something about him “returning to the mines’’ which you all laugh at, but you specifically roll your eyes at.
The game soon wraps up, and you have your meal. Harry sits next to you, and had his hand upon your thigh the entire way through. The table around the two of you chatted about all sorts, many of the questions being about when your music was coming out which you certainly didn’t expect. You started to feel as though your album, when it came out, wouldn’t be very complimentary of your relationship with Harry, and you were starting to regret it slightly, but you loved all of your songs and you hoped that when you showed Harry, and the world for that matter, that they would too.
You and Harry, after the meal had finished, had offered to be on washing up duty. You had been given the task of washing up, whilst Harry dried because he felt as though his skills were better there. You let him believe that and carry on with drying all of the special Christmas cutlery that didn’t go in the dish-washer.
Once you had finished, and you were drying your hand upon the towel, you felt hands upon your waist, more specifically, Harry’s. He place a kiss to your neck and you giggled, turning around so that upon were facing him. He immediately captures your lips with his, and you wrap your arms around your neck to steady yourself from the attack of his lips. His hands immediately again go to your waist, slipping his hand underneath the material of your jumper to rest upon your skin. Once you pull away, you look at him with a smile upon your face.
“What was that for?”
“What?” He shrugs, “Can’t I kiss my girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend?” You ask, unable to hide your smile.
“Girlfriend.” He nods, “That’s what you are, aren’t you?”
You nod your head and place another kiss to his lips, the feeling running through the two of you without really knowing how significant he really was.
“If you want me to be. I want to be.”
He lifts one of his hands and places it upon your cheek, running his thumb ever so delicately along your skin.
“I love you.” He says, with no hesitation in his voice, “I know I’ve been shitty, and I probably shouldn’t be saying this to you, especially not in the way that I am, but I do love you and I never stopped. I swear to you, that from now on my love for you will be the most important thing, and I won’t ever, ever make you second best again.”
“That’s all I want.” You reply, leaning forward to place a kiss upon his lips, “I love you too.”
With the year that you had, and the feeling as though you’d never be with this man again, you couldn’t believe that here you were with him. He was with you, and he was yours and there was no doubt in your mind that what happened earlier this year will never happen again. It was almost as though this was something that your relationship needed to grow stronger in itself, and it surely was now.
He wraps an arm around your neck and pulls you onto his chest, “I’m never letting you go again. I probably won’t let you out of my sight again.”
“I can’t say that I’d ever complain.”
#harry styles#harry styles one shot#harry styles imagine#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles x reader#harry styles x yn#harry styles x you#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#harry styles smut#harry styles smut fic#harry styles writing
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
steady now | b.b.
𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 | 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader
warnings: language, possible tfatws spoilers, mention of death? sort of? mention of the blip mostly, some angst, references to sexxxx babie
word count: 4.3k wowie
summary: bucky is not the only one with amends to make.
note: here’s another installment in the twalb story <3 again, you don’t have to read these in order, they stand independently, but they do all work together! PLEASE leave feedback/reblog! this is extremely helpful for me writing future parts to know what everyone likes or doesn’t like! i’m extremely proud of this part so i really hope that you all enjoy it as much as i’ve enjoyed writing it <3
enjoy! <3
there was once a time where you loved california.
there was once a time where you had a boyfriend with an easy smile and charming demeanor and a family in ventura. his name was felix, and you always told people that he could make anyone fall in love with him with nothing but that stupid smile of him-- of course, you never said how that upset you. you never said how it hurt when the waitress looked at him with dazzling eyes and how he seemed to relish in the attention.
you never voiced how he seemed to eventually bore of the attention that you gave him. you never voiced the way that you wished he would look at you with those dazzling eyes and give you that breezy laughter and that look that said i have you in the palm of my hand.
he did. he didn’t need to give you that look to know that.
sometimes, you wonder if he felt any sort of relief after the blip. you wonder if when you dusted right before him, if he felt like he won in some sick way. of course, you know that he would never admit that. he would never make that known to anyone. maybe even himself. but subconsciously… you wonder if you were simply an accessory that was worn out of convenience, and if your fading from reality was the biggest convenience at all.
it’s sick. you know it’s sick, and likely not true. but still. you wonder.
when you returned, the first thing that you did when you got your hands on a cell phone was call him. you called him and you cried and you said that you were okay, you were here. you asked him what the hell happened. you asked him if it had really been five years.
you heard a voice in the background. it was feminine, light, airy. the voice of a fairy. you’ll never forget hearing that voice. you learned later that she was his fiance.
you’ll never forget the sort of heartbreak that you felt. it was visceral. the knowing-- the knowing that it wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t anything that you did. it was merely the absence of you. you still wonder how long he mourned. you wonder how long it took. you saw him only a handful of times after you returned. he had cried, and you had stared, unsure what to say.
how do you apologize for fading from existence?
that was the first time you saw him. the second was worse.
the second, you were angry. you were angry and you lashed out. what was supposed to be an easy dinner turned into an explosion of tears and fury, the words this isn’t fair and what was i supposed to do? wait for you? and so desperately you had wanted to say yes. you wanted to say that you wished he had held out hope, that he stayed up and dreamt of you and that he was devoted.
it was a selfish thought. he had told you politely to not contact him again.
you had learned that he had moved back to ventura with his fairy girlfriend from some casual facebook stalking. they bought a house on the coast. they’re planning a wedding.. she is beautiful, and you noticed something from the pictures you see of them together right away. he looks at her not like he was charming her, but like she was charming him.
that’s what made you realize he was never yours to begin with.
now, you’re in california again. now, bucky sits beside you and he drives and you control the music. now, he looks at you like you have hung the stars in the sky and propped up the moon. and you look at him the same way.
bucky has amends to make, but so do you.
when he reaches over and places his hand on your thigh, you smile. you place your hand over his and you squeeze. you’d insisted that you two rent a convertible, and though he rolled his eyes, he obliged. you drive down the pch and it is april and the sun is warm and inviting but not abrasive. he wears sunglasses and he doesn’t wear the gloves. he wears a short sleeved shirt.
it’s enough to make you smile and lay your hand back against the seat and make you think: everything happened just the way it should.
bucky is here to extend his amends to the chaplin family. well… really, he’s here to set them up with the CIA. they’ve been hydra sympathizers for years.
you, on the other hand, are here to extend amends of your own.
bucky knows. bucky knows and he watched you recall the story with tears blurring your vision. you would hiccup and say, “i’m sorry. i’m not sad over him, not anymore. i’m just sad that i could be forgotten so easily.”
he had held your face in his hands and he swiped at your tears and he said, “you’re impossible to forget.”
at first, when you brought up coming with him, he had been hesitant. his endeavors with the amends and with sam, he tends to like keeping separate. you get it. you know he doesn’t want to put you anywhere near the danger that he encounters, even if that maddens you. but then, your face fell and you held out the wedding invitation that had arrived in your mailbox. “i want to go.”
bucky takes it and he studies it and he clenches his jaw. he looks at you through his lashes. “i’m going with you.”
now, the wedding is in three days. you wonder if he was surprise when you sent in your rsvp marked yes. you were surprised that he invited you at all.
once, you remember him saying to you, “sometimes, you have to extend olive branches. you’re too damn stubborn for your own good.”
this is your olive branch.
bucky squeezes your thigh and his thumb makes small circles and it instills a calm in you that you haven’t felt since you stepped foot on the plane. he glances over at you. “we don’t have to go.” this isn’t the first time that he’s said this. “we can stay in our hotel all week. i’m sure we can find something to do.”
your jaw drops and you look over at him and he has that smug look on his face. it’s been nice, watching him slip into ease with you. “you are such a pig.”
“i’m just saying, we have options.”
you laugh and you swat his hand away. he grins and he places it on the head rest, his fingers idly playing with a few strands of your hair that blow in the wind as he drives. you pull up to the hotel and you check in and bucky carries all of your bags, which you try to object, but he simply does not care. you fall back onto the mattress and he follows suit and he presses his lips to yours, presses them to your pulse point, your jaw. he whispers against your skin that you are beautiful. he whispers against your skin that you’re an angel.
angel. he always calls you that.
hours pass and you spend most of them beneath bucky, breathless. eventually it is the middle of the night and you have done nothing but fuck and you’ll be the first one to admit that they were hours well spent. he’s propped up on an elbow and he looks down at you, dewy and heavy lidded. “why’d you want to come out here? to the wedding?”
you can’t help but laugh. “that’s what you want to talk about right now?”
he blushes, moves to hide his face, but you beam and you place your hand on the side of his face. you push yourself up and sit criss cross, holding the sheet to your body, facing him. he follows suit.
the two of you do this back home. whether you’re sitting on the living room floor or in bed. it’s easier to talk in the dark, bucky once said. you’d never forgotten. so, this became a sort of unspoken ritual. you would sit with your knees brushing and you would talk and you would laugh and you never wanted this to change.
“i guess i don’t know why i wanted to come.” you reach for his hand and he offers it to you. you run your fingers along the golden grooves, and you swear that you see the hairs on his opposite arm begin to stand up. “i didn’t want to be seen as the bitter ex. i hate-- i hate being perceived. you know? like, i can’t control how anyone views me. i can’t control them thinking i’m crazy or irrational. but… they don’t know anything at all.” bucky’s eyes never leave you. “i wanted to come because i feel like i’m ready to face it. the truth of it. i don’t feel fearful of it all. i used to feel so… gross. gross about how i reacted and how i felt. i felt so selfish. but now…” you can’t help but smile a little bit and you touch the place on his chest where his heart lies in his ribcage. “i’m glad for it. all of it. it’s stupid, but… it brought me here.” you lean your palm into his chest just slightly more. he covers your hand with his and he pulls you in, your hand splayed out on him.
bucky is softening before you. so often you are the one who offers an ear and a comforting touch, but he is happy to repay the favor whenever you need it. “you’re too strong all the time.” his words are definitive, with no room for arguing. “you were hurting. you’re allowed to hurt. you didn’t have a choice in missing out on five years while the world went on without you.”
of course, you know he’s right, but it just feels good to hear it. it feels good to hear it from him. “and he was an asshole.” bucky’s jaw sets. “he had five years to mourn you and your relationship. he barely gave you a month. what sort of guy does that? to a girl he loved?” he shakes his head, as if shaking the thought from his person. “if that were me, i would’ve…”
you watch as he trails off. he looks down and away. you gently take his face and move it up, getting him to look at you again. he gives you this smile that is equal parts sorrow and loving, and you wish you could take away all his pain. “i’d mourn you for life. and i… if i got the chance to have you again? i’d--”
“bucky.” you cut him off smoothly and you shake your head. “that won’t happen.”
he smiles. “i know.” he pushes your hair back and his hand rests on the back of your neck. “i just can’t imagine someone having you and not--” he shakes his head. “he’s a fool.”
gently, your hands lay on his knees and you lean forward. “you asked why i wanted to come,” you whisper, your lips nearly touching his. “i wanted to come because i want to thank him.” you press your lips against his, and his hand goes to splay on your back, pulling you in nearer and nearer. “he recommended the apartment building.”
bucky grins and you connect in every possible place. you roll between the sheets once more and eventually, sleep overtakes you.
the days leading up to the wedding pass by in a relative blur. bucky goes to make his amends and though you offer to come, he shakes his head. “i’ll be quick,” is his promise, and he keeps good on it. he’s gone barely two hours.
you spend time on the beach and sight seeing. you don’t know if you’ve ever seen bucky this… relaxed. yes, he’s always slightly more alert than your average citizen, but you will never fault him for that. you go and get ice cream and you sit on a little bench and bucky stares at you. “what?” you asked and you raise your brows. “something on my face?”
“actually, yes.” he reaches out and swipes your bottom lip, coming back with some strawberry ice cream on his thumb. he pops it into his mouth and it makes your heart plummet to your stomach. “yum.”
you all but drag him back to your hotel.
finally, it is the day of the wedding.
bucky has been ready for hours. he likes unbearably handsome-- you’d gone with him to a shop in new york and had helped him pick out some new slacks and a nice fitting shirt. he had chuckled at the way that the pants hit his ankles and said, “it’s definitely not the forties anymore.”
you had picked out a sage green silk dress, and you smooth it out in the mirror, tilting your head to the side as you looked at yourself. bucky approaches you from behind and you’re so stuck in your own head that you hardly notice him until his hands are on you. they go to your shoulders, rubbing soothing circles into tense muscles with his thumbs. “you look beautiful, doll.” he leans forward and he presses a chaste kiss to your shoulder, which makes you smile, because it’s so him. “i wanna kiss you but i don’t want to mess up your makeup.”
“like that’s ever stopped you before.”
“i’m a gentleman.”
a smirk works its way onto your face and some of the nervous, fluttering monarchs in your stomach have begun to dissipate. you turn and he gently holds your face, examining it. he opens his mouth to say something, laughs, and closes it. “i don’t even know how…” he clears his throat. you swear that tears prick at his eyes. “i don’t even know how to say how much… how perfect you are. i’ll never be able to say it properly.”
everything about james buchanan barnes makes you melt, and this is no different. you sigh and you lean your body against his, and he holds you ever close. “thank you for coming with me,” you whisper into the skin of his neck. “i needed you here.”
he holds the back of your head carefully. “i’d follow you anywhere, doll.” he pulls back and his hand holds your face, and the vibranium is like a kiss to your cheek. “may i kiss you?”
your lips part and you nod-- and he takes his time kissing you. he kisses you long and tender, making sure that you feel everything. sometimes you think that this is easier than talking for him-- this is the way that he can show you how perfect he finds you. it’s better than any words he could string together.
the ride to the venue is somewhat of a blur. bucky doesn’t take his hand off of you-- it’s constantly holding yours. from the car to the walk inside to taking your seats-- you can feel the eyes that are glued to you, but you can feel bucky’s hand in yours more. you can hear the muffled whispers of gossiping friends and family, but you hear bucky’s murmured complaints louder, and they make you laugh.
felix is at the altar already. he’s talking with a groomsman and he laughs at something and you smile a bit. he looks happy, you think. bucky’s arm is slung across the back of your chair and his fingers trail up and down your shoulder, his eyes fixed on you.
you turn to look at him, too. you lay your hand on his knee and your smile says your thanks over and over and over again. bucky’s eyes flick to the altar, and he sees that you’ve finally been noticed. felix may be looking at you, but you will never know. you are looking at bucky.
the ceremony is pretty. bucky’s bored, you think-- that thought is enough to make you chuckle. felix’s fairy girlfriend is exactly what you gathered from the pictures-- she is energetic and kind, she is sweet and beautiful. the more you think, the more you watch the way that felix looks at her, the lighter you feel.
a part of you had feared that you would never get over him. that you would never get over the what if. possibilities tended to haunt you, but now, being here… you had known for a long time that not only had you gotten over him, you had found something so much better than what you had. but it’s the thought that thrums through you that you were not expecting.
you can see this for yourself. one day. bucky at an altar in a suit, you in white.
you smile to yourself in your seat. bucky looks over at you. you look over at him, just for a moment. your heart feels full.
felix begins his vows. “carly,” he begins and he clears his throat. you can tell that he’s already getting emotional. “never did i once expect to find you. never did i expect to find someone who fit with me so… completely.” you watch as his hands shake as he holds the piece of paper. “but i did. and i’m so lucky it was you.”
his vows go on, and they are beautiful. through it all, you can sense bucky beside you, entirely attentive to you.
the reception is on the beach. the sun is setting, and it is stunning. the food is good and every gives speeches and toasts and you’ve been placed at a table with some friends that both you and felix had known. of course, when shit hit the fan with you and felix, you hadn’t exactly kept in touch, but they’re kind nevertheless. some recognize bucky, and the questions they ask make you cringe. “so… winter soldier,” one of them, kya, begins. “you actually did all of that bad shit?”
it takes everything in you not to lunge across the table. bucky’s hand finds your leg underneath the table, already knowing what you’d like to do. you open your mouth to interject, but bucky cuts you off. “hydra did.” he gives a clipped smile. it leaves no room for discussion.
they ask about the avengers and about thanos, and all of it makes you roll your eyes. they talk to bucky as if he’s a toy rather than a human being. as everyone is mingling, you see the couple beginning to approach your table. everyone cheers and scoops them up into hugs. it makes a part of you sad. not because of him, but because it’s another reminder of how life went on without you.
you and bucky stand and approach them. you can almost feel bucky’s hesitation as he sizes up felix. the protectiveness in his stance makes your heart swell. carly smiles at you, but you can tell that there’s a hint of nervousness in her demeanor. “hi!” she says and she looks between you and bucky. “we were both so happy when we got your rsvp. a little surprised, but…”
your eyebrow raises and you look at them. “i wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” you place your hand on bucky’s arm. “felix, carly, this is my boyfriend, james. james, felix and carly.”
he shakes their hands and you note the way their eyes flick to the metal one on the other side. bucky and carly begin to make awkward small talk, and you look at felix. he looks at you. there’s something knowing in the stare. “want to take a walk?” he asks, nodding towards the beach.
you nod. felix turns to carly and you turn to bucky, who has a slightly concerned look written on his face. “it’ll be fine.” you lean in and you kiss him, wanting to take any insecurity from him. “play nice, but not too nice. if they say anything stupid, call them on it.”
bucky smirks. “you got it, doll.” he looks to felix and nods to him, and there’s something in bucky’s eyes that must scare him, because you swear felix pales slightly. and then you and felix set off.
for the first part of your walk, both of you are quiet. it’s as if both of you knew that this was inevitable, and now you’re just trying to figure out where to start. both of you begin to talk at the same time, and it causes awkward chuckles to fill the air between you. you stop by a log and you sit, staring out at the ocean. you cross your legs and you look over at him to find his gaze still on the ocean. finally, it moves to you. “i’m sorry.” you both say it at the same time.
a sad smile settles onto your face and you look away. “you first,” he says.”
“i’m sorry.” you look at him again. “i’m not sorry for the way that i felt. i’m not sorry for hurting. but i am sorry that i lashed out. i was… angry.” you suck in a breath. “people who stayed… they’ll always carry the grief and the trauma of those five years. but the people who came back? we came back to a world that had moved on. i can’t… i can’t explain to you how hard that was. it wasn’t just you. i lost everything.” you shake your head. “i took it all out on you. all that hurt. and i’m sorry for that.”
felix nods his head. “i’m sorry that i wasn’t more understanding of what you were going through. that i just… cut you off.” he swallows. “i had five years to come to terms with the fact that you weren’t coming back. even when you were back, it almost felt… fake. like i was looking at a ghost.” he swallows. “but i missed you. i want you to know that i missed you, and i thought about you.”
a small smile works onto your face. “thanks.” you look towards the crowd, where people are laughing and dancing. “she seems great.”
felix looks over his shoulder. “she is. she keeps me… in check. i can be kind of an asshole. i don’t know how either of you dealt with me.” this makes you laugh and roll your eyes. “you and bucky barnes, huh?”
“i have you to thank for that.” he looks at you in confusion. “the building you recommended me? we were neighbors.” you smile, thinking back on the memory of bucky barnes at your door, asking if you needed help building your cat tower. “he is the best thing that has happened to me,” you say it with no hint of hesitation.
felix smiles. “he looks like he’s crazy about you. he barely looks anywhere else.”
you bite down on your lip. “yeah, i’ve heard that before.” the wind ruffles your hair slightly, and you look at felix and he looks at you. “i’ve spent a lot of time being angry at you. i don’t want to be angry anymore.”
he shakes his head. “i don’t want to either.” he pauses. “maybe… maybe, one day, the four of us could… you know, get dinner or something.”
“yeah,” you nod your head. “one day.” you stand, and he follows suit, and you look up at him. “thank you. for inviting me.”
“thank you for coming.”
there’s a level of awkwardness that rests between you, and you think that perhaps it’s inevitable. but also, you can’t help the sense of relief.
part of you thinks that he’s itching to hug you, and you may be extending some forgiveness tonight, but you’re certainly not there yet. you begin to walk towards the party. “c’mon. you need to go to your bride.”
when you return, you think bucky might be ready to drive his steak knife through his eye. you approach him from behind, wrapping your arms around his shoulder and bending so that your face is beside his. “miss me?”
he snorts. “you have no idea, doll.”
you watch as felix makes his way to carly, and you meet his eye. he gives you a slight nod and a knowing smile, and you return it.
there’s a weight that’s lifted off of your chest.
“c’mon,” you say to bucky, tugging him up. “we’re going to dance.”
he groans and you laugh, pulling him by the hands to the dance floor. just as you are, you make me feel so young begins to play around you. as you step onto the dance floor, you begin singing the words quietly to him. your dancing slows to a light sway, and in your ear, bucky begins murmuring the words to you.
your eyes flutter shut and a sweeping calm comes over you. “you know… i never thought i would get married. did you?”
bucky’s hands have a firm place on your waist. “i grew up in the forties. of course i thought i was going to get married,” you two spin slightly. “but, after everything… i didn’t think that was ever going to be in the cards for me.”
your breath catches. “and now?”
“now?” bucky asks into your ear. “i can only dream i get lucky enough to have you as my bride.”
your cheeks grow warm. “mrs. barnes…” you lean back to look at him. “has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
the look on bucky’s face, you don’t know if you’ve ever seen that look before. “yes.” his voice is so firm it nearly brings you to your knees. “yes, it does.”
you two slow to a halt and bucky tilts your chin up. “guess i have some work to do,” his lips ghost over yours. “mrs. barnes.”
the world around you stops, and in that moment, it is only you and bucky. it is you and bucky at your ex’s wedding, and there is nowhere else you would want to be.
you’re beginning to understand why bucky likes making amends.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky x you#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes series#the world's a little blurry
372 notes
·
View notes
Text
Lost & Found
1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10
Introduction..
it was in the rain. The moment I first liked you. I think? We were drenched. I laughed. Whole-heartedly. Probably for the first time. I looked at you. I saw you. I felt you. You were meters away from me but I felt your warmth in the deepest parts of me. You touched me without touching me. It wasn't much to you that day.. It was everything to me. The colors became brighter. My heart beat louder. My soul happier. I was changed. Deep in my soul. It was just a date to you. It was day 1 of the greatest love of my life, to me. -
Losing you was probably one of the hardest things, I've ever went through. I was so lost, so in pain. Feeling like a failure. I wasn't enough on every scale. But mostly on the one that lead to your heart. I hated what I had become. Lost myself to become more to you. Forgot who I was. I was yours and that was enough to me. Losing you was a blessing. I was left with myself. That, on it's own is the greatest gift you've ever given to me. Leaving me to myself. Leaving me to grow on my own, was the joy of my existence. I found myself. I fell for myself. I am amazing. Honestly, truly, incredible. I am now finally grateful that we loved and hated each other. Because I met the love of my life and it was there all along. It was me. So thank you. Thank you so much for leaving me.-
You know what sucks with love? Expectations. They always come. When you care, you dream, you wish, you aspire. Then reality hits you. They will never measure up. They could never. They should never. It was a fucking hard pill to swallow. Loving you as you are. To no longer be ambitious about us, about you. To keep my fantasies to myself. That sucked. You had been the best I've ever had. And the hardest part of it all, wasn't losing you. It was losing the hope. -
Loving you was easy you know. Just like dancing. Doing a two-step move. You were the groove I was dancing too. The song that captured my heart. I remember humming to the beat of your heart. Swinging to the sounds of our ragged breaths. Playing chords on the softness of your body. My favorite melody? The sound of your heart speeding up whenever I kissed you. My favorite song to dance to. Loving you felt like being captured by the first chords of a bass line. That makes you want to get up and dance slowly. That makes you want to get closer. Loving you was slow, lyrical, musical, soft and all of the things I wanted it to be and more. Falling for you was like loving music and being reminded of why. Loving you was just as necessary as art to me. -
When I go home, I look around. Trees. Grass. Wind. They don't feel like you. That's when I realised that wherever you are, is where home is to me. That's when I was scared for the first time. When I realised all there was to lose, in losing you. -
No you don't. You don't have the right to show up here, after all this time, and think that just because you've finally figured yourself out, you can get me back in a heartbeat. It's not fair. I deserve better than that. I cared about you so much and I did my best to support you. But if you are not ready for commitment, for me, then stop wasting yours and my time only to confuse me. It's not fair. After everything we've been through, we both know I deserve better than that.
I know and I want to give that to you.-
Two people. One city. Life has put them through things they never expected. Is there such a thing as soulmates? Is it a dream or a myth, we tell ourselves to keep going through the hard pace of life? Or it is a reality we are all too scared to face? Meeting a reflection of yourself in an other human-being? ...Terrifying yet so enticing...
#christian yu fanfic#christian yu imagines#dpr christian#dpr live imagines#christian yu#khiphop#dpr#christian yu fluff#christian yu smut#fanfiction
51 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
hitohitonika
hitohitonika
sesselpupser
Unbetitelt
oigimi
if the bird doesn’t sing, then kill it.
memvselfandyou
Me Myself and You