#why cant it feel this easy all the time. i feel guilty doing pretty much anything for myself (like. playing games napping eating etc etc) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starstruckmoony · 2 years

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I am sooo glad you take requests! Feel free to decline this if you dont like the idea but can you write a fic with either James or Sirius (your choice :)) in which the reader fears intimacy and like has a hard time trusting people, which makes them not believe James/Sirius’ love so they think the flirting is just a friendship thing. And they cant understand why reader keeps running away but when they find out the reason James/Sirius tries to convince the reader to give their relationship a chance? I hope you like the idea, thank you so much in advance!!

thank you for the request anon!! sorry for taking too long with this, exams got in the way so my motivation for anything was pretty much below zero :") but i loooove this idea, so here you go! i hope you like it! <333

daylight.

masterlist

pairing - sirius black x reader

trope/tags - friends to lovers, fluff

word count - 3.6k

warnings - language

sirius black was what one may call a heartthrob. winning everybody over with the snap of a finger, being the main topic on everyone's diary pages, having people fall to their knees with a simple glance sent in their direction. some wanted to be him, some wanted him. he loved the attention, of course, the thrill of having so many people fall for you was rather addicting thing for a teenager, but he wanted someone else, and that someone just happened to be you. and it wasn't just a simple type of want, the "let's snog in the broomstick closet a couple of times till i get bored of you and find another", no. he wanted all of you. sirius black was in love, but it was really not going his way this time.

"i don't know why i keep getting rejected." sirius whined hopelessly, tossing his tie somewhere on the floor in frustration and slumping down onto his bed. the mattress squeaked from the impact, making remus look up from his open book.

"you've been on nine dates." james pointed out, trying to calm the other down. nine didn't seem like a big number to him (as he had gone on at least 30 with lily before she agreed to become his girlfriend), so the poor bloke got ignored. sirius kept on rambling thoughtlessly.

"that's the bloody problem, nine dates, prongs, nine! and you know what? they weren't even proper dates. not even proper dates! do you hear that? like are you getting that? not. even. proper. dates. fuck!" sirius grunted, falling back into his pillows with a rather distressed sounding sigh. remus rolled his eyes.

"they weren't?" peter chimed in. he wasn't usually the one who showed much interest in his friends' love lives, but he sure found whatever the hell sirius had going on with you rather intriguing.

"'it was lovely hanging out with you sirius, you're a wonderful friend.' after each and every single one so, no, don't think they were." peter felt guilty for cringing, and he could only look towards sirius with a sympathetic glance.

remus, on the other hand, was finding the situation a bit ridiculous. he simply couldn't suppress a snort, and sirius did not fail to catch it, "what are you laughing at?"

"you." he threw a pillow in remus' face.

"give it more time, mate, i'm sure it'll work out eventually." james was really trying his best to reassure his best friend, but it was never easy with sirius. especially not now that you were in question.

"don't you think i'm trying? i'm– fuck. fucking fuck." he put his face into his hands, groaning loudly in distress."i think i'm gonna go mental." he said dramatically.

"seems like you're very serious about this, sirius." remus said nonchalantly, drawing laughs from both james and peter. sirius inhaled sharply. he was, indeed, very serious about you. it wasn't everyday that he actually felt like he was falling somebody, and it certainly wasn't everyday that he, sirius black, one of the most confident blokes in the whole bloody school, was turning red trying to talk to a person. and you just kept rejecting him, subtly that is. friend this, friend that. friend, friend, friend. he loathed the word. he wanted you, and not in the platonic sense.

"you lot are shit mates, you know that?" sirius huffed angrily, crossing his arms and sulking like a frustrated toddler.

"we love you too, padfoot." james blew a kiss his way, jumping up onto his feet when sirius began chasing after him with a wand in hand. they sped down the stairs from the dormitories and into the common room - sirius was yelling and james was laughing hysterically. the pair ran past the sofa where you and lily were sitting. you were pretty sure they fell over somewhere outside the portrait hole and were probably wrestling judging by the sounds they were making.

"that's the man you fancy, huh?" marlene scoffed from the corner of the room, giving you a judgemental stare. you shrugged, scratching the back of your neck in thought. yes, that was the man you fancied indeed. sometimes you wondered why, but then he'd lock his eyes with yours and every sense of doubt and uncertainty would wipe itself away. it wasn't all that easy, though.

"and lily's gonna marry his other half," mary put a hand over her heart, "how romantic." she wiped away a fake tear.

"romantic?" marlene said in disgust.

"oh sod off, you two." lily rolled her eyes. "sirius isn't half-bad." her way of speaking was so honest, it was suspicious. you squinted your eyes at her skeptically.

"what? can't really chat shit when my boyfriend is basically the same, minus the lack of critical thinking and self-awareness." lily winked at you. you put your face into your hands, screaming into them. you heard mary snicker.

"are we talking about the same james?" marlene teased, raising an eyebrow. you suppressed a laugh.

"we get it, you hate men." remus rolled his eyes as he appeared in the common room, and let himself fall onto the couch right next to you. he stared at you in amusement when he noticed your regretful expression.

"something on your mind?" he questioned.

"sirius," mary coughed, "sirius." she coughed again.

"oh." remus laughed to himself, and then went quiet. you thought, hoped, that the conversation would come to an end there, but remus had different intentions.

"do i create drama or not?" he said in thought, trailing his eyes over you and your friends. you pursed your lips in thought.

"oh, please do, the last interesting thing that happened was when marlene and dorcas were found snogging in the forbidden forest after attempting to use the imperius curse on one another." mary said desperately.

"and that was two months ago." lily added.

"i hate all of you." marlene made a face, and stuck a hand down her pocket to pull out a cigarette.

"alright then," remus smirked, throwing an arm around you, "sirius threw a tantrum about five minutes ago because you keep rejecting him." your eyes widened. you stopped breathing for a moment. what the hell?

lily's jaw dropped in amusement, marlene burst out laughing, and mary appeared to be coming up with plans on how to organise your wedding ceremony. for real this time.

"i'm sorry, what? he what– he did– remus–" you stumbled over your words, not knowing how to form them. sirius fancies you. you flung yourself backwards into the couch, your face was painted with worry. sirius black threw a tantrum because you rejected him. sirius fucking black threw a tantrum because you rejected him. "merlin's bloody beard, what the hell?" you ran your hands through your hair, exhaling exhaustedly.

luckily, none of your friends were that oblivious, and they quickly noticed that you weren't taking piss acting like nothing of this sort had ever actually been brought to your attention.

"hey, why the face? that's good news!"

"am i experiencing the consequences of miscommunication again?"

"i thought you fancied him!"

"are you okay?"

questions, so many questions and shocked and confused faces left and right. as much as you hated to admit it, you did owe them an explanation. this wasn't the only occasion on which people tried to tell you sirius was into you, but it was different this time because it was coming from remus. sirius was into you. he was into you. he was fucking into you. he wasn't just playing around like he does with others.

"i know, mary. and no, remus. and yes, i do, marlene. and honestly, lily, i don't know." you said it all in one breath, tiredly sighing. you'd been head over heels for the man for years, yet it always felt off. no one knew why though, you never brought it up. your friends knew you fancied him, but you never dared to tell them why you were pushing him away whenever he tried to initiate something. in truth, you were afraid of relationships and you feared intimacy. it wasn't something you could just overcome overnight. you had a difficult time trusting others and you were always vary of who you shared your secrets with and who you would open up to, anyway. so the thing was, it only became worse when it actually came to dating and falling in love.

to top it all off, sirius was naturally flirty, so you too, naturally, brushed it off and chalked it up to his normal, daily behaviour. you'd seen him jokingly flirt and kiss james, and mary, and marlene, and even remus who slapped him for it once, so you simply couldn't envision sirius returning the feelings when he was acting like every single one of his friends was also his significant other. all of that put together felt like an absolute train wreck and you didn't know what to do about it.

both lily and remus soon had their arms around you, and were looking at each other as if they were trying to find a way to telecommunicate and figure out what was wrong. marlene and mary moved over from the corner they were sitting in to the floor, and they were in front of you, with worried and comforting eyes.

"you can say what's wrong, y/n, it's alright." mary said, squeezing your knee reassuringly.

"we won't tell a soul." marlene added with a smile.

"it's just that– i'm– fuck," you started, not knowing if you should talk. you met lily's troubled expression and swallowed the lump on your throat,"i'm so horrified of relationships and sirius is– he doesn't– i thought he was just fucking around and i don't even know if i can trust him to not break my heart and i just– he's the same with everyone, you know, flirting and and all that and i don't want to be hurt and it feels like shit. actual, fucking shit. and intimacy– merlin, don't even get me started– it's scaring me, all of it. and then in the end– i just start feeling like i won't ever be loved, like truly loved, you know?"

"y/n–"

"don't 'y/n' me and try to say you understand." you snapped, "do you know what it feels like? looking at everyone around you all cuddly and giggly with their boyfriends and girlfriends and then feeling like you're going bloody mental because you want it too but you're fucking terrified of it all and then you can't tell if the guy you're into likes you back or not because he flirts with anything that fucking moves and breathes? no, you don't." you bit the inside of your cheek in frustration, and then tried to wiggle out of lily and remus' grasp, but they held you back.

"listen, to me, y/n. it's okay, alright? you're not going mental, or insane or anything like that. and i can assure you're not the only one who's felt like that before." remus said the words a bit unsurely, but not untruthfully. you leaned your head onto lily's shoulder.

"but, what can i do about it? i can't just ignore it all and hope it goes away." you said honestly. you had no idea what to do, and you were afraid that you had no other option but the one you wanted to avoid most.

"well, talking to sirius would be a good start." mary suggested. the other three nodded along.

"and then what?"

"then, assuming that he'll understand what you're saying, you'll feel better and maybe even get a boyfriend who will accept your fears won't force you to do things you don't want to do." lily finished, smiling affirmatively.

"but what if it doesn't work?"

"fuck him." marlene said without thinking, "no really, fuck him. you deserve someone way better, not some slimy prat who can't even respect the person he bloody fancies."

"fuck who and when and where?" sirius entered the common room, appearing rather dishevelled.

"speak of the devil." remus spoke under his breath.

"definitely not you, black." marlene stood up from the floor, returning to her spot in the corner and picking up her cigarette which was sitting in a make-shift ashtray. he flipped her off, and then ascended the stairs to the boys' dormitories.

the following week, something shifted. it's not like you and sirius drifted apart, you didn't, but he stopped being... him? no more hand touching, no more kisses on the cheek. but there were more questions, more asking of what you're comfortable with rather than just doing it immediately. and that's when you began suspecting he overheard your conversation with remus and the girls as you had sort of forgotten him and james were just outside the portrait hole.

in reality, that wasn't really the case. sirius just became kind of, well, depressed. after his little outburst in the dormitories, he lost all of that little hope he had for starting a relationship with you. he didn't know what he was doing wrong, and why you kept putting him in the friendzone when his friends had been telling him that you were clearly into him. was it you? was it him? was it neither of those things?

he became cautious. didn't want to touch you anymore, scared thinking that it upset you. didn't want to flirt with you either, terrified that it made you feel uneasy. his melancholy over it all began projecting onto everybody else around him.

james gave up on attempting to comfort him because he himself was too exhausted by sirius' constant state of dread. peter stayed out of it. and remus, well, remus was fed up with him and would have probably murdered him on a couple of occasions if james wasn't there to jump in and snatch his wand away.

"i still don't know what i did wrong. can someone tell me what i did wrong? 'cause i don't know what i did wrong!" sirius buried his face into his pillow, screaming into it. same thing, over and over, every day, every night.

james and peter glanced at each other, no words exchanged, and they both pretended to be occupied with something else. remus tried his best to ignore him, and continued writing the essay he was working on.

"is there something wrong with me? like geniuenly is there? am i fucked up? oh no, i might be fucked up, what if i really am?" remus' quill snapped. james let out a huff of frustration. peter hid in the bathroom. and sirius kept talking.

"y/n hates me, i just know it. it's 'cause i'm fucked up, that's what i get for–"

"merlin's beard, will you shut up?" remus finally snapped. sirius pouted, looking up at the ceiling with glossy eyes. the other boy sighed, standing up from his own bed and walking over to sirius'. he wasn't planning on ratting you out, you were supposed to talk to sirius and tell him everything yourself, but remus was tired. tired of looking at his friend go through a major case of self-destruction, and tired of having to endure it all. so remus talked, maybe when he shouldn't have, but he did not regret one bit of it.

***

"are you free right now by any chance?" sirius burst into your room a week later, uninvited and without making any previous announcements.

"uh–" you dropped your notebook and quill, awkwardly tossing them to the side, "yeah, definitely. "

"fantastic, let's go." he grinned, stuffing his hands into his pockets and trotting out of the room. you stood up from your bed and quickly put on some shoes, following after him. you happened to pass by james who gave you a pat on the shoulder. one more reason to think him and sirius know. great. fantastic. amazing. the lake was looking rather attractive today.

"where are we going?" you asked once you were by sirius' side.

"was thinking about a walk, nothing too crazy."

"oh, yeah, that sounds nice."

that's what you did. walked and talked around hogwarts, and in the end found yourselves sitting at the said lake despite the clouds which started covering the sky. sirius never brought up what happened the week before, but you weren't sure if you could stay quiet any longer. it stressed you out more than all of your stupid exams combined, and really, he was going to find out one way or another.

"are you alright?" you asked. not a bad start, you told yourself.

"mhm, why wouldn't i be?" he responded, falling backwards into the grass in sighing in content. you followed his movements, lying flat onto your back.

"i don't know, you're too... alert. acting like i'd break if you touch me or something." you said, fumbling with your hands.

"what?" he turned his head to the side to look at you.

"you heard what i said that night on saturday, after we got back from hogsmeade, didn't you?" you were looking at him too.

"what are you on about–"

"how i said i fancy you but i'm scared of dating you because i'm horrified of getting intimate and i don't know if i can trust you not to hurt me?" you explained, thinking that it would help him remember. or stop playing around with you. he was quiet. you regretted speaking, and were ready walk off, and probably would have if he hadn't grabbed you by the hand when you tried to.

"no, wait! just wait, please." he choked out. and so you did.

"i stopped it all because i thought you didn't feel that way about me," he began, you listened attentively, "everyone told me that you did, and that it would work out and stuff, but i don't know, you always made sure i knew i was your friend, so i figured i should stop pestering you and just settle for that instead." he finished with a shrug.

"oh, no, sirius." you groaned, hugging your knees to your chest and burying your face into them. "and then, uhm," sirius licked his lips, as if he was trying to find the right way to form whatever he was going to say, "remus told me, uh, the same thing you just did." you looked up and at him, scanning his face for any sign of judgement and disappointment, but there was none of it.

"i was convinced he was taking the piss at first or trying to set me up for embarrassment or something 'cause i was getting on his nerves, don't even know what was going through my head," he laughed at himself, "but then i thought about what he said, and i was trying to find a way to talk to you and uhm..." he scratched the back of his head. "turns out i'm not that cool. every time i told myself i'll try, i felt like running off somewhere and hiding 'cause i was horrified you'd reject me. still am, honestly but that doesn't matter 'cause i still– i still wanna be with you, y/n."

you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. sirius black left you speechless once again. he wanted to be with you, even after knowing that what he might get won't be like all of those others relationships he's had before.

"look, i really like you, and i don't think i've ever felt that way about anyone. i know that it doesn't sound convincing coming from me, but it's true. i wanna be with you, like i really, really do because i love you and i–" he cursed silently. a smile began forming on your face, and he wasn't even done yet. "can you give us a chance, please? i'll talk to you, you'll talk to me, we'll communicate everything, if i'm doing anything that's bothering you i'll stop, i'll ask questions, i'll try my best to make it feel right for you, i'll fullfill any wish you have–"

"sirius."

"and if you still don't feel ready or if you're still having doubts, it's okay. i'm not gonna force you to date me, we can be just friends, or break up and still be friends, or break up and never–"

"sirius!"

"what?"

"stop talking."

"okay."

"we can date."

"what?"

"i'll give you a chance."

"oh." he stared out at the lake in shock, his mouth hanging open slightly. "oh!" he turned to look at you, and the smile that stood on his face was brighter than any star in the sky. he pressed his own hands against his cheeks, touching the as if he was trying to check if they were warm or not.

"am i turning red?"

"a little bit." you snickered, your eyes never leaving him. the relief you felt was indescribable. you'd gone out with him today, terrified of what might happen, thinking that you'll lose him forever. and then there you were, with sirius black blushing right in front of you because he was madly in love with you.

"can i uhm–" he cleared his throat, shaking his head for a moment in attempt to get out of the haze that he was stuck in, "kiss... you...?"

"yeah." you said the words in a small voice. the panic on sirius' face was pretty noticeable, and you would have probably laughed in his face to cope with awkwardness you were feeling yourself if he hadn't kissed you before you could. he hesitantly cupped your cheek with his hand, but when you let yourself relax into his touch, he was calmer too.

you pulled away from each other after a few seconds, and you could see that sirius was having hard time holding back a grin. this time you laughed in his face, he laughed at you for laughing at him, and the cycle only continued.

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noellashes · 7 months

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hiiiiiiii! feel free to ignore this ask but what do you like about noelashe? :0 I really like them too but I don't exactly know why myself... the parallels perhaps? the care? the potential? either way, I'm asking you how you feel about them! And I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

so so sorry for the late response but

anon you don't understand how long ive been waiting for someone to ask me this exact question

this may be extremely long depending on how much i feel like talking about so i apologize

spoilers inbound after this point!!

there are many, many reasons ive fallen in love with them and their dynamic, but ill try to condense them into a more readable format

the sections will be as follows:

their parallels and how they compliment each other

their kindness and affection towards each other

how they treat the other differently to the others in the mansion

more surface level dynamic things i like

the things that got me attached to them in the first place

parallels!

i feel like every noelashe fan understands their parallels somewhat but im insane so im gonna go in depth

they match and contrast each other in so so many different ways, down to even design (i actually made a post about that before it shouldnt be too hard to find)

their personalities are one thing, energetic and tired, extroverted and introverted, loud and shy, cruel and kind, fake and genuine, manipulative and naïve, i could go on but thatd be WAY too long so i'll just mention these

but thats just on the surface, they actually match each other a LOT more than you think

how ashe is more introverted than what meets the eye, not liking people out of distrust, and noel being tons more talkative and social, adoring people and barely being able to hate anyone

noel being smarter than he appears, willing to lie and manipulate for what he wants, and ashe being really easy to fool sometimes, immediately believing anything he thinks can bring back his family

and of course the obvious, their wishes

the same wish, the same pain, they go through such similar trauma with different ways of dealing with it

or so you think, their coping is very similar and this is acknowledged in sirius's conclusion, the only real difference being if theyre violent or not. noel, has sworn off harming people but he's still not above using backhanded methods for his goals. ashe, despite doing awful things for his wants, still has noble(ish) reasons for why he does these things

neither are entirely innocent, but neither are completely guilty

they both just want the people they care for to live peacefully, alive

but both do some pretty fucked up things for this wish, noel lies to sirius and uses dorothy as a ploy, ashe well- i think we all know. ashe commits multiple varied crimes that range from theft to murder and noel's own negligence can be considered a crime in some cases.

they have an understanding no one else does and it creates a lot of interest towards them and develops them as individuals too

kindness

they care so much for each other its insane

noel has trouble seeing ashe as anything but kind and ashe cant help but feel attached to noel even if he doesnt want to, which makes them get close each time and it makes them feel for each other a LOT more than they need to

the times where noel is sick and ashe takes care of him, ashe saying he lied so noel wont feel bad, noel letting ashe confide in him and ashe even trusting him enough to say his worries in the first place, the list goes on

they just have an instant bond bc they want someone to care and help them (even if both have trouble admitting it) and they want to help each other, which just makes them care more

it always ends in kindness between the two and it's one of the ways we get a happy ending

special treatment

i could put this in the kindness section but i think it deserves its own section bc its so damn cute

it does have a little less to go over tho as it doesn't happen much

im also gonna start adding screenshots and such

noel seems to really admire ashe and his abilities so much more than anyone else its adorable

hes so amazed by him literally just cooking and he doesnt comment on anything to do with precise stuff that isnt smth ashe does, i may be wrong but i dont think ive ever seen him comment on smth like sirius drawing talismans which is highly specific but will ALWAYS think about how impressed he is with ashe

he also just

treats ashe in a similar way to claire, like he just casually says ashe saved him which is such a strong word to him with no thought and he LITERALLY SAYS HE TRUSTS HIM UNCONSCIOUSLY BC HE REMINDS HIM OF CLAIRE if that doesnt say smth i dont know what does

and ashe always opens up to noel so much more than anyone else like noel has gotten ashe to talk about himself unlike anyone else, the only other character he talked to about things was claire (technically sirius too but he was drunk off his ass so im not counting it) and that was like once he doesnt even say anything that isnt surface level

ashe also just refuses to harm noel and i dont think anyone has noticed this before

it makes sense if his killings are during the day bc noel literally just isnt there but some other times he has no excuse

HE MOVES TO THE SIDE HERE EVEN IF WHERE HE WAS STANDING GAVE HIM A CLEARER SHOT TO CLAIRE YOU CANT TELL ME IT WASNT SO HE DELIBERATELY MISSES NOEL

ALSO HE COULDVE TRIED AGAIN OR GONE AFTER HIM BUT NO HE JUST GOES "missed one!" AND CALLS IT A DAY IF THATS NOT PROOF HE DOESNT WANNA HURT NOEL I DONT KNOW WHAT IS

surface level things

as much as i love the incredible lengths of their relationship, i also like more simple things that im just gonna put into a little list

theyre so sun and moon guys

BLACK CAT AND GOLDEN RETRIEVER BFS

their color palettes look nice together

babygirl and wet cat

loves to cook and fucking awful at cooking

smartass x dumbass

mutual healing

their symbols being hearts and stars those look so cute together

"i care about you!!" "why??", mutually

little bitch and sweetheart

both are affectionate but neither can handle it

emotionally repressed x the one who wants them to grow again

bfs who rant about their interests

same trauma

very strange guy x doesnt care

"im a disgusting monster" "HOW?"

the black and white good evil thing is very aesthetically pleasing for them

angel and devil (kinda)

why i fell in love with them

theres a lot of reasons why i love them but theres a few very specific things that got me attached

most obvious is that theyre both my favorites, im extremely attached to ashe and i loved him from the start, i didnt start liking noel until a tiny bit later but he very quickly gained my love

i also relate to them both heavily so seeing them care so much for each other gave me comfort

its a huge pattern that most of my ships are of the character i got immediately attached to and relate to and other character i relate to who cares about the first character

the fate line. its just so gay i was like "thats kinda gay" and while i didnt always think of it like it was super important it always stuck in my head like "yeah i could ship them"

but the real thing that started this all was the wine scene

its when i realized how much they cared for each other and then the floodgates opened, and here we are now!!

its still by far my favorite scene of the two it just makes me so happy its so adorable

conclusion

i have an extreme love for noelashe and just seeing them can make my entire mood better

i dont think many people have analyzed them as much as me so its sad to see how much stuff with them goes unnoticed

theyre genuinely so great for each other, platonic, romantic or anything in between, they deserve to be happy with each other

im so sorry for this being so long and maybe really hard to understand but i adore them so much

if you read this all thank you so much!! have a great day

#uso rambles #witchs heart #ashe bradley #noel levine #noelashe #im so insane for them #noelashe the world

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asheewrites · 4 months

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Guilty Excuses 8

The cute creature rubbed her cheek on his chest and hummed. And then started to frame Asmodeus muscles with a lazy finger and mumbled: “Pectoralis major.. minor… serratus anterior… subclavicus… teres major… subscapularis… corabrachialis…”

He felt the smile she formed against his chest at the same time as he produced his slight goose bumps on the back of his arm.

“… you’re incredibly easy to please, aren’t you?” He flicked a strand of her long hair. A bit of teasing hasn’t harmed anyone.

“Mmmh… reaffirming there is a body with the right parts in front of me calms me down. And you… you aren’t touched like this that often, it seems. I feel privileged?” She rubbed her cheek against him and traced his veins to the wrist, apparently fascinated that her wrist was smaller than his own.

“It’s not that exciting, is it now?” There were much more interesting abilities and ways to touch he could show off. Glady, even.

He turned his wrist to capture hers, reversing the hold, which ended with her fingers threaded between his, pressing her fingertips into the back of his hand. She had immediately turned her wrist to counteract. Raphael was very much against being captured in any way, it seemed. Feisty.

“I do not know what’s exciting for you, Asmodeus. You’ve had over six thousand very fun years, I am sure.” Breathing in with closed eyes, so relaxed, she shrugged: “I have to accept everything you do to me is exciting”

“Oh? Everything?” She smiled and nodded serenely. “The same way?”

“Mmmhmh. The veery s-“ Her eyebrows went up eyes narrowed she looked over suspiciously: “Err… why?”

“You might be even more easy to please,” the absolutely confused expression alone was worth it. “You are so very basic in your positions and movements. We don’t want to overwhelm you with too many new things, of course.”

He could feel her cheeks warming, mind apparently working: “I- did say my experience is… limited.”

”So, we stay with the classics. And see if you might lose your mind a bit more.” It was actually fun to see an almost uncomfortable squirm fight with an obvious bit of curiosity.

“I… I can’t… my legs and arms are all wobbly, it’s… I…” It was almost refreshing to have someone not immediately assume he would do all the work, because ‘he was the expert, after all’.

“I’ll take care of it, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, love.” That endearment was highly effective, judging by her hiding her face in his chest once again. Only muffled noises of indignation followed.

But more importantly, not the slightest bit of refusal: “A quick round, mh? Just to see”

He slipped out from under her with one last kiss on top of her head and let her face hide in the generous amount of pillows on As’ bed.

When he heard the angel took a long sniff, he couldn’t help but smirk.

Her body had barely calmed down from her last orgasm, so he placed a pillow under her hips – under her confused watch -, she wriggled her ass in the air experimentally.

It was not hard to guess that he intended to kneel and take her from behind. Arousal could be easily summoned with the unselfconscious wriggling. He slipped in while his thumbs pressed in at her rump and downwards towards her head in the pillows. A smooth motion and the angel punched out a breath that wanted to be a moan, but her mouth was too wide open and no friction of air happened. A whimper followed.

“You see, in this position I do get deeper inside you,” she canted her hips to ease the access even more and nodded frantically.

“MhMHm,” the high pitched tone sold it. She was still overly sensitive but apparently just on the right side of overstimulated.

Her toes tried to find a hold and curled helplessly into the bedsheets while Asmodeus fucked into her in a steady, staccatos rhythm, accompanied with a slapping sound each time they hips collided and her keening sound grew louder for about two minutes before it abruptly choked and another whimper followed.

He slowly rode her orgasm out for her, pleasing, almost caressing waves of pleasure. She most definitely had her fun.

Raphael being such pudding in his hands was… certainly a bit of fun as well.

When shfinaly had calmed down, he sat back up and sat back against the headboard. And despite her certainly feeling a lot more ‘wobbly’, the angel also sat up, very much wrapping herself in a blanket.

Enough orgasms for now, then.

“… you did enjoy yourself.” He didn’t want to make it a question. Because a climax didn’t usually happen that fast if the other wasn’t at least on board with it.

“… very much so,” was the reluctant affirmation, “… it did feel… more intense, compared to-“

“Oh yes, a second orgasm can be stronger than the first. And like I said, deeper, so…” Seeing the effect was still… well, at least unusual. Horny angel.

“… this was actually only a vaginal orgasm and…” She sighed, and he noted she at least didn’t shy away from knowing the theoretical. “… really didn’t expect that.”

He patted her head: “We learn something new every say, sometimes even about ourselves”

She wrapped herself even more into the blanket.

Asmodeus reached over to his nightstand and grabbed the first book he got his hands on. “365 sex positions. Mh.”

She looked over with curiosity, but twitched back: “NOT right now.” Her whole face was unhappily regretful.

“Not right now, certainly. But you wanna look?” He flicked the book through on random pages.

Pulling her knees closer, she nodded and leaned against him: “… but only if you tell me which ones you actually like. ‘I like them all’ doesn’t count. Just… what do I know, imagine what might be the most fun with me.” She looked to the side and back: “If at all. So. Do show?”

What a ridiculous notion: “We can try them all, then we’ll know for sure.” The pout convinced him that this might not be the right answer. He winked: “I’ll try my best”

#guiltyexcuses #mercuryreddies asmodeus #(or at least a copy)#my Raph xD #1039 words #MMMMH :/

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thefaultinoursprinkles · 1 year

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I like. I need to process everything that’s been going on and I need to talk about how I’m feeling to be able to do that but I don’t.. want to I guess. I don’t want to bother people with my issues and I feel silly talking about how I feel. So then I think that I should go back to therapy so I have someone to talk to but I honestly really don’t want to unless it’s someone with a PhD because at this point I have as much education and training as a “mental health practitioner” and I’m about 2 years of internships away from an “LMFT” or other “licensed therapist”.

and that’s the other thing like, I’ve been in therapy for a long time, I’m a psych major, I did DBT, I feel like I’ve gotten everything I can out of “therapy” basically. So then like pursuing therapy just to talk through my emotions feels stupid and like a pointless waste of money to me. But then I go back and forth like would it actually help? Am I avoiding this out of shame or not wanting to damage my pride? Or as a form of self harm? Or do i genuinely think I won’t get anything out of it? Idk.

a big part of it too is that a lot of the stressors like with money and stuff are temporary and therapy isn’t going to help them. Like not to talk highly of myself but I’m pretty self actualized and the majority of my problems/stressors stem from external factors like not having enough money or my fiancee trying to kill themselves or close friends dying or work being stressful, which like therapy isn’t exactly going to solve any of those problems. It’s just supposed to teach you the skills to deal with those kind of things or change them or tolerate them which like. I already have. So again, pointless.

Even then, the problems i do have outside of external stuff are ones that I’m pretty confident cannot be treated through therapy. Like I really think a lot of my issues stem from unmediated adhd, and like I have skills that I use and I have work arounds and hacks and whatever else that are supposed to help me manage it better but it doesn’t work. like I take the notes and I track the things and I put trash cans everywhere and have other people remind me of stuff like. I can get by. but every fucking day of my life I am so overwhelmed by everything at work and at home and in relationships and I feel guilty and embarrassed that I can’t do the things that should be so easy.

Like every few days to every few weeks I find myself exasperated and thinking “WHY CANT I JUST DO IT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. THIS IS SO SIMPLE. WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH ME” and like on some level I know it’s because I have symptoms syndrome and it affects me but I feel like there’s nothing to do.

like I’m doing all the stuff I’m supposed to do, I’m doing all the stuff that therapists and counselors have told me to do and I’m doing all the stuff that is recommended in the DSM V and I stay up to date on the current research in the causes, management, and treatment of specifically adhd but also generally all psych topics because I’m just genuinely interested in them so I read peer reviewed journals for fun.

And there are some things like. Idk exercise. And I’m like oh I should exercise then I’m like well not “should” but I want to exercise because I know it makes me feel better and it’s been proven to help with focus and clarity as well as alleviate symptoms of depression. And then I find myself being like “I can’t I can’t I can’t” so they I think about it. Why can’t I? And it’s like well, I don’t have enough time, I’m always tired, blah blah blah. And I think really the root is that I don’t want to spend “my” time doing something I don’t like doing and I don’t have any way to do the exercises I actually like (like biking or swimming).

So then I get back around to like okay we’ll I’m not actually doing EVERYTHING I can I’m not exercising or watching my diet, I could be doing more. So then I try to plan out time to do it and I set reminders and then I fail and fail and fail and fail and give up.

And it’s like what is therapy going to do? I know they’re gonna tell me to sleep and eat and exercise and be mindful. I know I need to do those things and I want to do those things but I CANT and I don’t know WHY.

AND THEN I loop back around to like what the fuck is wrong with me I know I need to do these things I want to fucking do these things I LIKE doing these things SO WHY CANT I JUST DO IT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME and it starts all over.

And how do you explain that to someone? I’m objectively successful. I’m well educated. I have a high paying job. I don’t get into extreme legal or financial trouble. I have lots of very supportive and close friends and family. I don’t have the “right” things wrong with me to have people understand or recognize the struggle going on behind the scenes to do any of it. Like I know what to do, I do most of it, and it’s, by all accounts but mine, working well because I’m able to live independently and maintain relationships and hold a job and even get promoted at said job. So to any therapist I talk to it’s like. “Why are you here?” And I have to explain like yes I know I’m making it work I’m doing impressive things but I’m DYING I’m constantly stressed and overwhelmed and anxious and on the brink of a panic attack. I spend hours of my day staring at wall screaming inside my head about all the stuff I have to do but unable to do it. I’m smart enough to be really good at doing what I need to do to get by or knowing where to focus my efforts but I constantly feel like I’m in an out of control car spinning out with no brakes.

and I feel so stuck because I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t think there’s anything else I can realistically do to have a better handle on things, this is just the reality. Like I feel like I just need to accept that this is how it’s going to be and this is how it’s going to feel because I truly do not think there is anything that could possibly help me get out of this internal mess.

and of course, then I start thinking like, that’s pretty defeatist, am I giving up before I even try? So then I feel like, even more than before, i just need to try harder and do better and get further because it’s my own lazy ridiculous fault that im in this position in the first place.

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bellyhurts · 5 months

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its been like 17 minutes since i told myself id do homework i need to do it but i just spent all that time reading through all my tumblr post...

god i hate myself

not bc of the homework thing ill get it done but because of just reading the posts

not really i dont think

i just hate myself

but not actually

just a little

maybe i feel bad for myself...

no self pity is lame

god do i hate myself?

when i read the posts i know edxactly what ii was refering to at the time... but i dont think i make my psots easy to decipher all the time

like when i saw the posts that said "im so nervous" and "nervous nancy" followed by the psot a few hours later saying wtf why do i actully have rizz" and then "wtf is wrong with me" im like: oh my god!! i know why i was posting that at the time!! like wowowowow thats how i was feeling thats wild!

i really do feel for myself.. why am i this way???? everyone probably pities themself sometimes.

idk i didnt deserve that... and i shouldnt do that.. wouldnt trade it for anything though. i wont stop though

im not evil im just human

im just learning

im scared for when i reach the age where i cant say that anymore...

is everything gonna be okay?

everything IS okay. i get GREAT grades, i have a good home life, i have 2 close friends, i get to walk and listen to music all the time...

i think that part of it is jealousy but theres always a wishing to get worse you know?

i don't think i'll ever be fejwlfjew but i think thats okay... im happy. i think. edcept for when i think about things too much

i pity myself

i guess i pray to the future me. you know? i wonder if i typed all my old posts knowing that the future me would read them and be like a therapist from another time...telling msyelf not to worry. i think i just did it because i need to say things and i dont have anyone that i call spew all my dumb stuff to without annoying them or making them think im mentally ill which i am not.

plus i need a place to be self centered. i guess this is that... some place hwere i only talk about me. im okay with no one listening irl because i dont want to portray myself as insane. there are some things that can only be written too. i wouldnt want to talk to my therapist about a lot of things because i dont want him thinking im insane. i know thats a therapists job but im saying like theres stuff that i really shouldnt say.. scared maybe. i wanna educate myself on law or soemhitng so i know what my therapist can tell my mother or can get me admitted for.

do i even want help? i seriously dont think so. the better i get the worse i want to get. right now im in a good middle ground. im happy, i dont cause conflict in the house too much, im not exhausting myself, i get things done, life is pretty okay. sometimes i will participate in some efwljfkwel activities though. maybe thats just my way to cope. its not harming anyone,, and i really dont believe its harming the present me too much.

maybe itll harm the future me like how my past decisions currently hurt me. not out of regret but out of pity. it just hurts that i did that... you know?

i really should do my homework but i have time (Not really)

im thinking of doing the bare minimum rn and waking up extra early to finish everytihng up. probably what i wanna do.

i know its only been a week of school since the weekend (weird way to phrase it??) but i need a break. im fine with school its not tiring or anything but god i need a break from life. not like life life but i mean hanging out with people, having things i need to do, etc. i need a week where im all alone. i love my friends but god i need alone time. i always feel so guilty when i dont hang out with them though because i dont wanna be lonely or lose friendships so i find myself hanging out with my friends mainly to "maintain friendships". i love them so much but please i need time.

this post is making me sound so mentally unwell but im doing so fine i promise (who am i promising?)

god

why is my heart rate so fast

lemme count it rq

okay its actually pretty normal its 80-ish bpm but it feels fast

i feel so shaky

i wonder if its the sugar i had earlier... i know some foods or larger amounts of fodos always make my heart feel fast and make me shaky but i havent really discovered what foods those are.

im always so nervous posting on here because what if i say something that makes this all tracable to me. i dont wanna lose opportunities beause of some dumb tumblr posts.

i know i should use like my journal or something but its comforting knowing that this can be viewed by someone for some reason. i mean id be mortified if someone told me they read all my posts but idk. maybe also its nice because i can always lose a physical notebook or lose the passord to my google docs but tumblr is public and i can always look at this tomfoolery from another account. plus this feels less formal. in my actual physical journal im very messy and i get sucked in when i write but its so messy its unreadable, it cramps my hand, and sometimes feels inconvenient. on my actual online journal i established it as something more formal... for life and mental updates for myself. im scared

i dont know why but im so scared

im so so so scared

god why did i just feel like i was about to cry

i want to curl up and cry so loudly in my moms lap while she tells me its okay but i cant i cant i cant. if i did she would think im mentally unwell which im not and id be such an inconvience to her.

last time i cried in her arms she told me that i gotta "say everything" to my therapist and that he can help me. help me with what?? she said that i deserve someone good that can help me? i told her that im normal.. she told me that she didnt want a normal daughter she wanted a happy daughter. i am happy. i just repeated that im normal because i know she sees me as different in some way. i see her as different in soem way too. i think i'd see my sister different than everyone else if i didn't judge her so much. i feel so insensitive but i always invalidate my sisters issues/struggles because i feel like i had it worse and that she has it so well. i konw its so bad and i need to remind myself that... she is a human being, she will struggle, and i should be happy that what i was so used to makes her suffer... im glad she's not used to badness like i was. that makes me sound so emo but you know. i just invalidate her so much.

anways. i think that seeing someone so closely..knowing them almost better than you know yourself will make you see them as less normal. or something. i dont know. i know my mom sees me as different. i doubt she sees my sister as so different than society. maybe its because im socially a little odd. she thinks i try to push people away/unsettle them. i dont. im just awkward around a lot of people. i like telling myself that im not everyones cup of tea. maybe thats just a way to excuse my social stupidity. my best freind always asks me how can i find myself socially stupid if im friends with like everyone. maybe shes right, but i dont think os. im not friends with anyone. weve just been conditioned to be nice to everyone and people are nice to me. yes people trust me, yes i have inside jokes/ get alogn with a lot of people... but do you seriously think i hang out with them outside of school? we use the word freind too loosely. if i never text someone, we only talk in school, and never hang out outside of school... no matter how much we know about each other, no matter if we've seen each other cry, no matter how long we've been "friends," we are NOT friends and thats okay. i try to be agreeable. people think im funny at least.

i need my mom to hug me and let me cry into her arms but i dont want her judging me or worrying about me i just need my mom. god im about to cry. why do i make myself feel this way? this was just supposed to be a post about not doing my homework.. now im writing like a multiparagraph essay. i need to say things. i guess i need to organize my thoughts. speak to the void.

you know i think i write in this because i know that future me will read it... emaning that future me will be alive. meanign that i'll be alive in the future. meaning that everything will be okay. if future me is alive, it means she overcame things, and shes now smarter, and as she's reading these paragraphs, she remembers how she used to feel, and pities her old self once again. and then maybe writes more to the future future me. and the cycle continues. until im dead i guess. maybe someone else.. a child? will work as a future future future x1000 me.. i doubt it. i dont think someone will ever care about me as a person so much as to read everyting ive thought. im currently pretty much just writing my thougts. nothing is organized. im just rambling. i would film a video but i dont have space in my camera roll, and even if i did, i would never want a video of myself saying stuff. some things are better kept written. anwyays. hello future me. and the future me after that. etc. i wonder if im laughing at this in the future. probably... in some time in the future. i bet ill laugh while also pitying my current self. self pity is so lame.

speaking of children. honestly.

door is opening. my moms home. ive been writing for like an hour. homework for tomorrow i guess. ill maintain a convorsation with her while i write. actually maybe ill close my laptop and return to this later. i mean i could use the excuse that this is homework...

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makahimetenshi · 7 months

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Have you ever had sexual relations with any species considered non human? - Paladin Danse x Sole Survivor Fanfic

This is the 10 part of a series of fics im writing lately, the order will be:

Falling or not?

Danse cuenta de algo

May I use your shower?

Volver a tener algo

Addicted to Chems

Fooling around together

Sleeping for nightmares

Traumas at the Commonwealth

Being awake

Have you ever had sexual relations with any species considered non human?

I like being this close

This one is a pretty short fic.

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

Nate tried all stuff all time to recreate his old life, and if that means chopping wood shirtless with an axe to have materials to build picnic furniture for his garden he is definitely going to put Danse to work too.

The worst part wasn’t specifically chopping wood, it turned out to be actually fun for Danse who didn’t move or do much activity as before he was banished, the worst part was paint and protect the wood with a coat of polish, it was a delicate and time consuming process that will take WEEKS to be finished, the commonwealth was a very humid place, very very often the mornings iniatiate with fog and stay like this all day so they weren’t enjoying their hard work yet.

So there they were, in a chair in the early morning having coffee and some donuts Nate steal from the Prydwen kitchen some weeks ago, admiring the table and the chairs for them to seat and have coffee every morning looking at the sunrise.

-Answer me something –said Danse lighting a cigarette- quick answer, the name of someone I know you would fuck before me.

-Quick answer my balls –said Nate humming inside his cup of coffee- im not on chems to answer that

-Don’t be boring –hell yeah no, he cant ask this things to him because of his true nature he wouldn’t take advantage of his situation

-I been here for almost a month what did I do to spark your jealousy?

-Nothing, I just want to know –well if that was the case…

-Piper

-That was a quick and easy answer –said Danse lifting his cup of coffee.

-U son of a bitch I know this was a trap

-Easy, we are just talking…why her? –men talk men talk, the good thing about fucking another man is that they can talk bisexual shit

-When I first saw her she resembled me a lot to Nora –damn this wasn’t his intention- I could barely talk to her

-What did it change? –well it was strange he didn’t persist her, he would fight less than with me that’s for sure.

-Her little sister, I don’t have my own son yet im not going to be a…step brother –Danse laughed and sip on his coffee

-She is beautiful tho

-She is, I had so many wet dreams I would feel so guilty about…-the expaladin sip again, 3 of 10 conversations with Nate ended up in him being all sad- until I meet you, and it was like she vanished from my head

-So you were lusting for me since the first day? –a smirk appeared on his lips.

-Not exactly, she just vanished, it was like my mind clearing up space for you, even tho I didn’t start to fall a lot of months uphead that…

-Cute –oh gosh he loved feeling so loved.

They both look at the sunrise warming up their skins, Danse smoking out from the nose. The chill breeze of the morning and the lack of activity in the settlement was a relaxing scenario for the couple to enjoy a breakfast.

-I fucked Hancock you know

-You what? –his racist self had the need to ask out and loud.

#makahimefanfic #fallout 4 #sole survivor #paladin danse #paladin danse x sole survivor

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wihome · 8 months

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I swore to myself that I will not journal multiple times or as frequently as I did the past few months. Although therapeutic, journaling has solidified some memories for me that I shouod be forgetting and they push me further into the loop of overthinking. Moreover, I've journaled as if I was venting out my anger in the past few months. So now, I'm trying to redeem.

But I cant stop myself from journaling one time on tumblr. Cause it's been so long.

Firstly, I've moved on from my first crush. (Or atleast, I'm beginning to move on from him)

This is a milestone in itself because I realised that I do not want to be a secret admirer for someone I talk to very frequently that too,in a filter-free manner.

Although pretty late to join the other end of the sea called "first crushes and hormonal rushes", I've realised that it's either -

You stay a secret admirer while keeping your interactions minimal

You let them know how you feel a little early in the relationship

So that you don't let the guilt of becoming a delusional take over whatever friendship you've really established enroute that's actually needed for the 2 of you but, you're too guilty when he needs you as a friend.

Learnt the lesson a really tough way, but we both have our lives moving in different paces in our unis so "it is what it is"

(I really wish we could hang out sometime soon. But I swore to not get ahead anytime soon, so)

Secondly, I began coloring in the penup app of my new tab and doodling a little albeit rarely. This got me into training my mind into being a little patient. Maybe right now I'm patient by 4% more than I was before on an average

Thirdly, I'm chronically having headaches.

It could be me stressing out or overthinking subtle things when I let my emotions and silliness take over the rationale. Also because although im not entirely a people pleaser, i have a hard time saying no and even taking it (should seriously work on better communication)

Or inadequate sleep mostly due to my inefficiency in planning things for the day or night if I'm being specific.

I should be sleeping now so I get sufficient rest for tomorrow, but I'm typing away anyways :p

Or me studying under stress! Panicking. Worrying about my future.

Or missing home and worrying about family

Or under-hydration

Or micro nutrition deficiency cause I get fatigued after I'm out in the sun, pretty easily.

So to sum everything up, my health is getting fucked up. Mental health and physical one too.

Hence the pms and pcos.

Fourthly, I read a lot than I studied in the past few months.

Be it solo leveling to begin with.

Or subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Then recently I've read It ends with us and It starts with us.

While rn I'm binging on Omniscient reader and Eaternal Nocturnal.

Even anime wise

I've watched too many it seems

Kaguya Sama

Suzume (in theatres ✨️)

Your name (rewatch, in theatres 💫, and re-rewatch in my new tab)

Your lie in april

Garden of words

Horimiya (S1)

Demon slayer (rehabilitation arc and mugen train)

I've watched many movies too

Jailer (in theatres)

Happy days

Anand

Gharshana

Good night

(Okay not too many but yeah more than my average in the recent times)

Now it makes sense why I get all panicky before exams. I almost never touched my books because I know, I know how the next 3 and the next 3 years of my life are gonna be like, academically

Lastly, yoongi's lines from magic shop are making so much sense to me right now that I want to turn back time and just live happily with my family but this time around - Imma take care of my parents more and show my brother I love him more and not think about growing up or idolize growing up. Cause adulting is so damn not easy! And I'm not even 21 yet (will be in a few months though)

It's tiring

Taxing

Exhausting

Exasperating

You can't even blame your parents anymore (that feels morally wrong!)

#blog #life #medschool #bts army #first love #life is strange #keep swimming

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tears-of-boredom · 11 months

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okay The Hustle is like actually a pretty cute movie, like it fr left me a smile on my face. I can even endure the annoying pop song of the credits for it. also, that is another white boy. slightly different breed but like, same genus still if you catch my drift. but i think i missed the comedy part? like I was very doubtful of the movie at first because it was a comedy and i don't usually really like them tbh, but I like, did not notice any joke in this?? like I know that there were some, but i guess i just thought myself a bit more perceptive. anne hathaway's accent stuck for me apparently. was the part with penny in jail supposed to be comedy? i guess i just dont know what a normal reaction to comedy is. I also watched the first episode of the first season of doctor who, and this is related because I laughed so hard when it was confirmed that the london eye was the like transmitter. not because of the actual joke they did, but because it was literally the first thing i thought of when the doctor gave the description. it was really funny to me that it was literally like one of the top 5 tourist attractions. and also it was funny that they both needed to see the ferris wheel to realise that it's even a possibility. like, london + big circle? you should think about the eye of london immideatly, and then keep thinking of other answers because why the fuck would it be that simple. and I genuinely laughed at that. but then like, i just kind of,, enjoyed the vibe of The Hustle. like there was no part where i laughed, or thought "thats funny". instead i just really enjoyed how light and silly the vibe of the movie was. though, you know, my eat the rich senses were going off the whole time with anna's character, so I didnt enjoy her that much. like, I know that people will just see a girlboss and like her because she "slays", but honestly i never get those things. rich people should be slayed, regardless of whether they slay or not. especially if theyre not even like nice people.

like, I just...I guess she gets a bit of sway with me because she seems to just rob other rich people, but still. whats it matter when she seemingly just hoards the money anyways.

sorry i am like especially on my communist bullshit rn because i personally dont have much money, and that makes me feel really anxious. i could handle it if it was just my own expenses i needed to consider, because like i can handle starving myself a bit if it comes to that, but i live in a household. and I feel really fucking guilty just living here for free. so i feel the need to cover some expenses of others when I can, although i do not need to. but now i cant do that. also I am trying to wait out the deadline of my birthday, when a medical thing i want(need) will be free.

i just fucking hate rich people ya know. oh look at me i bought this car that uses gas that has methane gas in it aren't i so cool.

why are rich people, of all people, always pushing for poor people to invest for later profits. invest 40 years of your life to 24/7 work and maybe youll be able to buy a house, easy as that! and then the same rich people are literally living every day like its their last. what are they investing in when they support oil companies? they are literally living in the moment so hard that they do not care of the "whole fucking planet actively dying" thing.

i hate hypocrites. and rich people. if I was allowed to kill every billionaire(and millionaire), on the condition that i had to literally eat them, i would leave no fucking crumbs. and I would get on some drugs to deal with whatever the side effects of cannibalism were.

wait wasn't this post about the hustle. well, you know. movies about crime are always bound to unleash my red rage. also I'm joking about me being a communist, kind of at least. because i dont know what the like, official ideals of communism are. but its just like a thing of, if someone doesnt like it when I call myself a commi, i probably wouldnt like them anyway. you have to at least be able to joke about being a communist. and I guess this works for facism too, in the way where if you joke about being a nazi, i will not like you. cus acting like a racist "as a joke" isnt really funny.

anyways I am sorry. im tired. and the whole day ive been thinking about how i want to read fanfics. and also how i want it to rain properly. and I know that I could just read the fanfics, there's nothing really stopping me,, but I guess I just dont want to be dissapointed again. the scenes and athmospheres ive been imagining in my head will always be better than any fanfic writer can create. im sorry, I genuinely am tired. i dont know whats up with me, cuz i literally woke up at noon. like I hope it isnt anything long term thats making me so tired.

#sorry lol #another media post that turned into venting haha #tearful stuff

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skatetragedy · 1 year

Text

3/12/22

lately therapy has been pretty intense, i feel like i’ve had a couple therapists before that mostly only touched on surface level trauma. my new therapist is pretty intense, shes very sweet but sometimes i genuinely feel like my brain can’t process whats happening because it’s not use to digging as deep as she wants me to. It’s a bit humbling, hearing her consensus on why i act the way i act, its very vulnerable and embarrassing. i want to be better tho, i want my brain to get as deep as it can so i can be the healthy. in other news updates on some relationships :

athena and i have been talking more, and i think its good. nick really clouded me on many relationships because i was just too embarrassed to admit and talk about it to some friends that knew the extent of how he treated me and how we worked together. i missed her and i dont want a man to make me feel like i cant talk to my friends ever again. shes still with kayla, which is good i believe shes very calm and collected with her and i think shes been needing stability like this for a while.

ive seen nathalie a couple times recently, shes been talking to ali again which is disappointing but as ive said, i know how it feels. nathalie and i are always good, theres really nothing that will keep us apart or anything like that. we locked in forever nothing to really say about it.

sal and i are good as well. I do feel a bit of sadness when i think of putting sal thru what i put him thru with nick. i feel embarrassed and like a bad friend, but i dont understand why i couldnt help it. i wouldnt talk to him about it because i didnt want to put him in the position of listening to how his friend is with me and vice versa. eve though nick would never stop complaining but it was two sided when it came to complaints. i would just never say anything. i feel guilty and i dont know how to express it or make up for it. ill try my best.

nick and i havent spoken. he texted me to wish me well with therapy/work/school and i didnt respond at the moment. i called him one night to express i couldnt/didnt want to be friends with him. i dont think its okay to be friends with an ex let alone one that got you pregnant. he told me i could get over the pregnancy but its just not that easy, i was in n out of the ER, received chemo therapy, and had to be locked in my room for two weeks. it was mentally and physically taxing. he really has no emotion or regard to how i could feel, and i dont understand why i hadnt realized that sooner. i hope he gets the help he needs and that things go well for him, with me excluded from his life. he asked why we couldnt be friends and i gave him a list of reasons, he gave me solutions, then i said i had been seeing someone new and im trying to go my seperate ways, he said “oh so you only called to tell me youre seeing someone new i dont want to hear that” why ask for reasons, give solutions and only fixate on one reason you dont like. i hope he matures, he cant stay alone for very long and his toxic cycle he learned from katie will just continue.

i have a new friend, named mark. hes very attractive, funny, and sweet. we only recently started becoming a bit romantically involved. i had liked him from a distance when i first met him and i didnt understand why. i was talking to n*ck at the time and he was all rocky over the fact sal andi had become friends again and we were hanging out regularly. i believe i met mark on halloween, with a group of others with us. we didnt talk much, i just offered him poppers and he thanked me. end of story for halloween. i pursued him, embarrassingly enough not much came of it, until recently as im used to men being horny and ready to fuck whenever i say hello. i guess thats nice though, we went on a first date to a couple different bars and i had a great time, many embarrassing things happened around him and hes still stuck it through so im hoping that means something good. our first date was refreshing for me, he was gentleman and very fun to be around. aesthetically we are very different people, but mentally very in sync with anything we say or want to do, which was a little scary at first. i do like him, he stayed the night yesterday for the first time and i havent felt someone that comfortable and happy around someone for a long time. we spent all morning giggling and being silly in bed and i dont remember the last time i did that with someone without having sex. its refreshing that everything isnt about having sex at the moment, that he could possibly be around me because he likes who i am. i hope that doesnt change.

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azenta · 2 years

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Do a lot of 3s have emotional breakdowns bc that's me rn lmfao i think it's the pressure from everyone else and myself that's getting to me. You can just disregard this if you dont want to answer, i just dont want to talk to any of my friends bc i dont want to show this side of me to them and i think you provide good insight, if you do choose to answer this

Anyways i'm having a breakdown over the fact i regret opening up to a family member abt my depression bc i think they just invalidated my feelings (basically said dont be depressed :). And to not kill myself bc i am the so called "golden child" and that i do helpful things around the house. Like..wow ok thanks i guess so ppl only like me for the things i can do....not for who i am). I only told them about 1 event/person that has contributed to my depression. And they used that info to yell at me earlier and pretty much say it's normal amd to not let it bother me...I dont think they truly understand how much that event affected me. I guess its a good thing i only told them that and not all the other shit that i've had to deal with. I'm never telling them shit ever again. And them saying they have their own stresses too n shit like yeah i know everyone has worries but i dont think it was necessary to tell me that what i went through was nothing...Like as if i havent been downplaying my depression all these years and is probably why it's gotten so much worse now. Also they said all this while my siblings were in ear shot so now they sorta know about that incident. Which i didnt want them to know about so yeah im really not turning to them for anything anymore, that was the 1st time i ever told them something personal and they've fucked it up

The only thing i would want to tell them is how much they and this whole family makes me even more depressed so much...i fr only feel happy and relaxed when i'm alone or just not with them. I try to like my family i rly do but i just cant and my dislike of them just keeps growing more. I dont have a connection to them. I feel genuinely happy when i think of a future without them. I honestly think this family member is guilt tripping me and my younger sister with the fact that one of my older sisters had to drop out of college and get a job to help the family out. And my other 2 older siblings made some bad fuck ups that has led to more pressure and harshness on me and my younger sister to have a successful life/career. Idk why they have to yell at us about it, get mad at our mom who forced our sister to do that. I never asked to be born and tell her to do that. And they're always on my ass about my art business, they think i'm not trying and keep trying to force their advice on me like dude i got it !! Pls just leave me alone to do my own thing, art isnt easy, it's hard to get business going in tje beginning but i am really trying... they rly think my shop is gonna be popular in one week. Despite how hard it is, art is literally the only thing thats keeping me alive - to be successful in an art business and be recognized for my skills and all that is all i've always wanted. Its the only thing i'm passionate about and determined to achieve. I know what i'm doing but i really dont think they have any confidence in me. This is the only thing i've done that is genuinely for me... i've done most things to meet up their expectations, evem forced myself to go to a year of college bc i knew they wanted to me to go despite me knowing full well i didnt have the mental state to go. Im still trying to build a career for myself, but they really dont think im trying and probably think i'm gonna be a fuck up like my other 2 older siblings

Like fuck it maybe i should just die if it will make it so much easier for them. Like one less person to feed and to house. I've been wanting to die for years now, i should just do it. Sometimes i just wsnt to die to make them feel guilty lmfao but i wonder if they even care enough to feel that way. I'm most likely not going to tho since the thought of failing to do so stops me...i dont want to deal with the consequences of a failed attempt. And i'll be damned if i dont become a recognizable artist before my death. Maybe i should release all my pent up anger on them since they always seem to do that to me. Anyway. This is probablg rly over dramatic lol and stupidly emotional, i'm usually not like this, idek if i can blame my typology on this lol idk if other xntjs and sp 3w4s deal with their frustrations this way

I dont think it is related to being a 3 specifically, but rather this what made you a 3 core. The 3 core mechanisms is actually what makes you survive through this and makes you want to strive.

It's also beyond enneagram. Depression in itself is often the result of someone being stuck for lengthy periods of time in an environment and/or situation that doesn't respond to their needs or doesn't let them respond to their needs. As a side note, yes, depression can start as early as childhood, since a lot of parents are actually adults with lot of unresolved issues and who are just perpetuating a generational trauma without noticing. Some children have a temperament that makes them "adapt" to the trauma, or rather make them fit to the mold, while some other don't and feel how unfit and painful this mold actually is. Both type of children will suffer, but differently.

Being depressed even as a chronic feeling reflect how much the environment is either not suitable for the individual, even if it's family (by blood, I'd rather precise), and/or that the person is struggling to adapt to it. In any case, I would remind you it's not a question of being your fault or not, whatever they tell you and despite all the guilt you feel. It's far more complex than that. I know rationally you will get that, but it's your emotional side that need to be taken care of. You need to see what you can do to accommodate to this environment, while considering it might still be extremely difficult to near impossible for you to completely adapt to it. Lack of adaption and possibility to rearrange the circumstances (powerlessness) will result in stress, anxiety and depression, which has for goal to push you to eventually move out from this environment.

And you don't need to try to like them. You can learn to respect them as their own person, independently of you, but when you consider yourself in relation to them, don't fight the unpleasant feelings. Those feelings are here to inform you about the health of the relationship. It speaks about your need and how met or unmet they are in the given situation and relationship. What you can do is see if a compromise is possible and try to meet it. If despite your attempts your brain compute that it experiences far more bad experiences than good, then it is informing you this relation isn't that good for you (costs are greater than benefits), and from that, you do experience an instinctual response such as avoiding them in your case. Don't fight it, it makes you survive. When something costs more than what you can get, it's only natural you find ways to avoid it and that you feel depleted of energy, thus the stress, anxiety and depressive reaction I spoke above.

If you want to feel like living instead of surviving, then it will be to seek ways to rearrange your environment and circumstances little by little (which can mean changing of place, having less interaction as possible, etc). This dream you have is very important, cherish it and act on it the most you can. This is what will help you see and make the moves to create a better reality for yourself. It will take time, but each steps you take bring you closer to your goal.

Don't hesitate to seek any kind of professional help if possible. It can be a therapist, social worker, even life coach. Do little stuff that makes you feel happy or even just comfortable and relieving, even if it's just a little. Respect the days where you feel more depressed, and take the time to meditate on what are realistic goals for you this day. If you feel apathy or indifference, then your rational is having the lead, so take this opportunity to do things that would have been draining emotionally (tho your thoughts might be pessimistic when in apathy mode, those need to be tackled when you actually feel any agreeable or disagreeable emotions).

Anyway, I know you didnt ask specifically for advices, but I couldn't not say nothing about this. I just think it's normal you have this kind of reaction if you live in an environment that isn't the healthiest for you. It's normal to have emotional outbursts, especially if you usually repress all of it.

As I said, to resume, it's not a question of what type you are, even tho it speaks of what made you that type. Focus on yourself and your own aspiration, I understand it sucks to not be supported and even being discouraged from your goals. Look for ways you can "fit" in your environment that are not to costly vs the benefices you get, and work for the ways that will direct you toward the kind of environment that'll be best for you.

I know, easier said than done. See it as a big project you will need days and months to work upon. The biggest canvas/story you will have to work upon. Some days will leave you with the blank syndrome, some other the lines or color won't seem to do or fit as you'd like, and some other you will only be able to add one motif or line, but some other days it will just come perfect and you will be able to do more.

Anyway, I hope it could help you some bit. If you have any other questions or want some advices, don't hesitate to send an ask. I don't only do typology asks, I do self development and psychology kind of ones as well x)

#ask #depression #environment #enneagram #typology #self development #mental health #advices #3s #3w4 #psychology #needs

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hypmicdaydreams · 3 years

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oh FUCK that last one hurt 😭😭😭 im SO sad omg - can i ask for those sane three (ichi, sama, sasa) when their s/o snaps out of it and comes back to them? i cant just leave it like this 😫

Hey hey anon! I'm more than happy to do a follow up and give our boys the happy ending that they deserve! I absolutely love angst to fluff, so this was so nice to write. Thank you sm for the request and hope you enjoy 💕

𝗜𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗼, 𝗦𝗮𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗸𝗶, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗮𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗮 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘀/𝗼 𝘀𝗻𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝘆𝗽𝗻𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘀

-pairings: ichiro yamada x gn!reader, samatoki aohitsugi x gn!reader, sasara nurude x gn!reader

-genre: fluff, hurt/comfort (?)

-previous (continuation of this)

Ichiro

months have passed since the last time ichiro saw you back at chuohku, and he still had a heavy heart each and every time he thought about what had happened

as much as he hated your decision, as much as it hurt him, at the end of the day, it was what you had chosen (even if it didn’t seem like you were you in the moment), and ichiro couldn’t do much about that

he thought that he had moved on after months of pondering and healing. ichiro had foolishly thought that if you were to show up at his doorstep the very next day, after having disappeared and lost contact with him, then all those old feelings wouldn’t resurface

but he was dead wrong

when he found you at odd jobs yamada, avoiding his gaze as to hide the fact that you were quite nervous about this confrontation, ichiro was shocked to say the least

all the love he held for you, the emotions that he thought he had buried and gotten rid of, came back in a split second

he felt an urge to run up to and embrace you, thankful that you were safe and seemingly better. the blank and emotionless stare that was pretty unnerving had left your eyes, all the emotion and humanity returning to them

yet, at the same time, ichiro was hesitant to approach you

the last time he did so, he had gotten hurt, and quite frankly, ichiro wasn’t sure if he would be able to deal with that all over again

plus, you had betrayed him, and that was something he couldn’t find it in himself to forgive. once trust was broken, it was difficult to rebuild

however, the moment you apologized and explained everything, from the hypnosis to the hostility, ichiro threw that thinking all away and immediately forgave you

honestly, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for thinking that you, of all people, would leave him. the two of you deeply loved and cared for one another, of course it wouldn’t be so easy for you to simply up and leave or even like you to act so cold

ichiro is so overwhelmed about, well, everything. not only were his emotions getting the best of him-from his feelings of guilt and anger at what had happened to you to those of relief and love for seeing you again-but the sudden info dump was simply too much

and with everything piling up and with finally getting to embrace you once more, the two of you, needless to say, began to tear up a bit

for the next few months or so, he may be a bit overprotective though he wouldn’t necessarily realize it unless you point it out. ichiro simply didn’t want such an incident to happen again

after all that happened, ichiro was relieved that you were finally by his side again

Samatoki

even after you had left, he never gave up on looking for you and trying to bring you back, no matter how difficult or impossible it seemed to be at times

he refused to believe that you had left him. surely there must’ve been some sort of outside influence, especially since he didn’t like the dead look that he saw

everything was pointing to the fact that you were being controlled, but he really had no way of knowing that concretely

samatoki knew that it was going to be difficult to find you now that you worked for chuohku, but well, life wasn’t fair so it was to be expected

he certainly didn’t think it’d be that easy, however, not expecting it when you showed up to his hideout out of the blue one day, looking the same as before save for the blank gaze

when samatoki saw you standing in the doorway to his room, too nervous to step in or say a word considering what had just happened, he didn’t hesitate to rush to you and immediately embrace you, taking in your scent and warmth

even if this was nothing more than a dream, samatoki didn’t care in the slightest. for now, you were here, right in front of him, and he’d relish in your touch before you were gone again

honestly, he doesn’t even really care for your explanation right in that instant, simply more than content with the fact that you were finally in his arms again

and for a few moments or so, he didn’t let you talk. all that mattered was that you were back, and if this did turn out to be a dream, then samatoki wanted to take in your scent and warmth before you were gone

of course, you did eventually explain everything to him, from how you got hypnotized to how you were ordered to leave him, though towards the end you couldn’t help but omit a few tiny details given how he looked like he was about to burst with anger

seeing you standing in front of him, safe and very much alive, samatoki felt relieved and happy, overwhelmingly so. there was no longer that tense atmosphere around you that he had felt beforehand, and this time, he could tell that it was you that was standing in front of him now

but he also felt rage, at both himself and chuohku

at chuohku for, well, hypnotizing you as well as separating you both, but also at himself for being so weak and incompetent

seriously, how could samatoki live with himself knowing that he hadn’t been able to save both you and nemu. you had to break out of the hypnosis by yourself and find him again, not the other way around

regardless, for now, samatoki wouldn’t let you go

definitely got quite overprotective for a while after, practically never leaving your side, even if you were simply going out for a few small chores

he had already lost you once, and he certainly wasn’t about to go through it again

you knew that he had good intentions, and you were thankful that he did care, but it did get a bit much at times

needless to say, however, you were happy to have reunited with him, and so was he

Sasara

the entire thing had hit him pretty hard to say the least

i can see sasara begin to ruminate and perhaps even blame himself on not noticing how you were beginning to feel about the your guys’ relationship

it seemed like no matter what he did, sasara was simply not good at people and anything pertaining to relationships; and that realization hurt him to say the least. not only had he lost the person that he loved with all his heart, but now he was all alone

even though he moved on, sasara still longed for your presence. he often found himself wishing that you did, in fact, come back one day, and you guys would resume your relationship as if nothing ever happened

he had no idea that he was not only a comedian, but also some sort of genie (he kids, but it’s strange that he got his wish not even a few days after the fact)

a knock on the door during the late afternoon could’ve meant anything, but he certainly wasn’t expecting to see you, though it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless

he’s quick to open the door and accept you in, despite the fact that you had left without a trace a few months prior. sasara was sure that you had your reasons, even if they didn’t make much sense to him right then and there

he still held a lot of love for you, so as long as you did apologize and explain why you did it, then sasara thought that he’d be able to forgive you

at first, sasara stays quiet, not really knowing what to say in such a strange turn of events. sure he’s thought of this scenario hundreds, if not thousands, of times before, but now that it was reality, he pretty much froze up

breaking the awkward tension between you two, you apologized for everything that happened, explaining how you were hypnotized by chuohku one day and had no choice but to comply

and with that explanation, sasara began to connect the dots as to why you had acted so strangely back then and why you seemed much more distant and emotionless. you hadn’t been in control of your actions, and as such, it wasn’t actually you that had left him

honestly, he does feel a bit guilty for not realizing it sooner and for thinking that you actually did feel that way, but sasara brushes that feeling off for now and simply embraces you

right now, all that mattered was the fact that you had returned safe and sound, no longer hypnotized and under the control of someone else

of course, he couldn’t help but get angry at chuohku for having done such a thing, but sasara also knew that there wasn’t much he could do about that aspect of it all. they were simply much stronger and larger than sasara, so it’d be a waste of energy to go after them

instead, it’d be much better if he focused on you and only you right now, wanting to try his best to comfort and calm you down. you were no doubt a bit shaken up by what had occurred, and he was the only one that could make you feel better right in this moment

for the next few weeks or so, you’ll find sasara to be a bit more clingy than usual, always texting you and asking if you were alright or needed anything

the entire incident made him realize that he really wasn’t that perceptive of others and how they felt, so sasara wanted you to feel nothing but the utmost comfort and joy. he wanted to show you simply how much he loved and valued you

his efforts were really sweet to say the least, and you were happy to finally be back

#asks #requests #hypmic #hypnosis mic #ichiro yamada #ichiro x reader #samatoki aohitsugi #samatoki x reader #sasara nurude #sasara x reader #fluff #hurt/comfort #headcanons #gender neutral reader

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early2000smovieimagines · 3 years

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Jasper meeting his mate; a lost boys type of s/o, would include~

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(Hope this is what you were looking for!)

- Denim, leather, vintage clothes; everything alternative. It was safe to say that you stuck out like a sore thumb in the small town of Forks and not particularly in the good way.

- You weren’t planning on moving to Forks nor were you even planning on sticking around for long; you’d just wanted to pass through. You were looking for something more ...crowded; a place that let you disappear in a mass of people and pick off poor party goers one by one.

- Turns out though, you’d stumbled into vampire territory and were about to embark on a very interesting part of your undead life.

- The Cullens are most likely the ones to approach you because they know their kind when they see them and want to warn you to stay away and not hunt there. And yeah, before meeting them, you were planning on passing through, but out of spite and the need to be a rebellious pain in the ass; you figure you’ll stay a while.

- So you park your ass in Forks and stay just on the border of their little eternal lives, smirking and taunting them whenever you can. To you, they started it and really, you’re only having fun.

- They don’t do much about you, mainly because they find it somewhat amusing and have dealt with far worse. As much of a bitch as you try to act like, you never actually hurt any of the residents of the rainy town, so who are they to start even more trouble and try to kick you out.

- We all saw how stand offish Jasper was to pretty much everyone. And after Maria, he’s especially wary of vampires who aren’t vegetarian which is most likely what really starts your rivalry.

- You think he’s an up tight weakling who needs to pull his head out of his ass and he thinks you’re a selfish bitch who has no decency or regard for human life.

- It seems that, for some odd reason, it’s always you and Jasper that find each other. You reason that it’s because he’s constantly going into the woods to have some air away from the people of Forks but you know that deep down, there’s this inexplicable pull that’s tugging you towards each other.

- And you enjoy lurking, popping out and taking him by surprise when he least expects it. The twinge of annoyance on his face whenever you arrive and the back and forth that you have amuses you and it amuses him as well; though he’ll never admit it.

- Teasing him is fun, mainly because of his reactions. He’ll say something like “easy there little lady” or “Didn’t realize you were still hanging around here ma’am” with an undeniable irritation and warning in his voice.

- The two of you usually wind up fighting in some way, a swing that you know you’ll miss here, a carefully thrown pine cone there. It’s usually fairly lighthearted all things considered.

- But then there was the moment where you actually finally come to realize; or at least can no longer deny, that you have a thing for him.

- He’s got you pinned up against a tree; having actually caught you for once, and he’s looking into your eyes and you’re looking into his and ...you get flustered. You actually get flustered, something that never happens with any other man you’re around because you’re what, sixty years old at this point? You’ve been around, seen all men’s charms; it’s not an easy feat.

- So you push him off and make some sarcastic comment, playing it cool like you’re so used to doing.

“Easy there cowboy” you tell him before disappearing in the blink of an eye.

- Its later that night that you seriously consider leaving forks. You dont know why you want to exactly, maybe because you’re used to freedom and having a mate is the opposite of that. Its too much commitment and you’re not one to be tied down. And what is Jasper but a vamp with a whole family as baggage?

- But as much as you try, you just can’t go. As far as you get that night, there’s still that pull, that urge, that draining longing that you’re growing to hate.

- Jaspers hot, we all know it. You know it and you knew it the moment you saw him. It’s not that you wouldn’t like being with him; it’s just that mates have never been your cup of tea. Destiny and fate and all that meaningful shit has never been your thing. You’re here to have fun and let loose, not find a place to settle down and love someone.

- It’s sort of evident that Jasper has a thing for girls who are out of the ordinary. He likes odd characters so you’d probably be right up his alley if it were any other siutation. But because its this situation; you butt heads and he feels the need to deny what he pretty much knows is true.

- But for once, Jasper is sort of seeking you out, mainly because you aren’t seeking him out. He’s going to places you usually are, scanning things closer, trying to zero in on you somehow, but you’re evading him; staying away as best as you can.

- Finally, you can’t help but go back to the woods you normally see him in, and; like clockwork, he stumbles across you; him and that fucking accent.

“Haven’t seen you ‘round these parts lately.” he teases, keeping things light; humorous for once.

“Was hungry.” you say and he’s reminded of the primary reason why he doesnt like you.

“You ever think of stopping it? Ever feel guilty?” You’ve had this same conversation before but this time it isnt judgemental or condescending. It’s curious; sort of hopeful.

“Dont know,” you say sincerely. “I dont think i’d feel too great about killing little bunny rabbits over inner city rapists and assholes. Besides, old habits are hard to break right?”

“I broke it.” He says and you nod. And after that? ...The two of you actually have a coversation.

- You walk around the woods and talk about your time spent living in all the iconic decades. He tells you a little bit about his life and you actually find yourself enjoying his company.

- And he likes you. He likes you more than he ever thought he would. This calm part of you, earnest, light, free spirited, and funny. You’re living for yourself without a care in the world and it’s only now that he’s realizing how attractive it actually is.

“We should probably talk about it, huh?” you say, catching him off guard, especially with how nonchalant you are when you say it. “About us being mates that is. I mean, I think it’s obvious at this point.”

- He cant disagree with you there, and so you do. You tell him that you’re not someone whose going to be tied down, how its not like you to be in a family or go to school or whatever.

- He just listens to your speech before looking into your eyes and earnestly telling you that you’ll “work it out”. All you can do in response is give him a genuine smile and agree.

#2000s movie headcanon #2000s movie headcanons #2000s movie imagine #twilight imagine #twilight imagines #twilight headcanons #twilight headcanon #jasper hale headcanon #jasper hale headcanons #jasper hale imagine

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shipperofdoomedships · 2 years

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This is a prompt that has been done by several other writers and who obviously did it way better than me but the nugget of the idea kept replaying in my head so I had to write it. Also for what its worth im also posting this on my AO3 page which I don't know how to link but my username there is the same as on here

Part 1-Dishes and demolished property

Lena Luthor is in a oddly good mood. Her and Kara's friendship has been steadily getting better and better since their initial reconciliation and she finds herself smiling more often than she has in a long time. And to top it off Lena got some hopeful news during a game of truth or dare at the most recent game night. Leave it to a tipsy Nia to suggest that game, but finding out Kara is Bisexual and giving Lena a spark of hope that one day she might habe a shot made it all worth doing some embarrasimg dares.

Lena is in such a good mood that she finds herself singing and dancing to the radio as she washes dishes. Yes she may have a perfectly good dishwasher, but shes also bored because of having been barred from any sort of work at the tower today per Kara to quote “get some rest and relax for once Lena, you need it and deserve it”.

Swaying her hips and humming to the pop song that Kara made her listen to, Lena accidentally uses too much water pressure in the sprayer and ends up completely soaking her shirt and pajama pants. After wiping the water from her face she looks down and decides to just finish the last of the dishes in her underwear as to avoid any more soaked clothes. She quickly strips down and goes back to work. As soon as she’s finished another song comes on the radio that happens to be a guilty pleasure of hers so she starts dancing across the living room just enjoying carefree feeling she has at the moment.

Suddenly she hears a loud crash followed by the unmistakable voice of Kara yelling “oh golly!” then another crash followed by Kara yelling “crap!”. Lena quickly throws a robe around herself and runs to the balcony looking for any sign of Kara. She quickly spots her on a roof of a building adjacent from Lena’s standing among the remains of a once brand new billboard advertising an upcoming concert.

Realizing Kara is fine Lena cant help but laugh at the site of Supergirl trying to make a demolished billboard stand up again. Kara quickly looks up and realizes Lena is warching her and says “fuck me” louder than she probably means to then quickly flies away. After a momentary blush from hearing Kara swear (and not from her saying those specific words she tells herself) Lena goes back inside to get dressed knowing Kara will be by at some point later to tell her what happened.

Part 2-Why a billboard had to die

Kara Danvers head is quite literally in the clouds. She’s flying around the city patrolling on a particularly boring day. Not so much as a cat stuck in a tree so far, which IS a good thing but without something to fight or help with her mind keeps wandering to Lena and how extra pretty she looked at game night with her hair down and cheeks slightly flushed from being tipsy on wine.

Kara has been having trouble keeping her mind off her best friend more often here of late and shes more than a little worried that Lena will notice her blatantly staring, or even worse that one of the Superfriends (namely Alex or Nia) will call her out on it in front of Lena. Without even realizing it Kara has flown very near Lena’s apartment building. She decides to stop and at least make sure Lena is taking it easy like she told her too earlier. That decision she realizes belatedly, was not the best one she’s made that day. As soon as she gets closer to the building she quickly notices Lena dancing in nothing but her bra and panties (the words black lace repeating in Kara’s head like a skipping record).

Her mind blanking but her flight path not changing or slowing down, the next thing she knows she has a face full of steel as she the side of her head collides with the metal pole of a billboard. “Golly!” she said as she tries to catch it but in her panic she pushes up too hard and ends up breaking the sign part of the billboard in half. “Crap!” Kara screams as she quickly but hopelessly tries to get the billboard back together. Suddenly she hears whats normally a sound that is music to her eara, that being the unmistakable sound of Lena laughing. Realizing Lena probably saw the entire fiasco or at least the aftermath, Kara says “fuck me!” out of sheer embarrassment then quickly flies off.

Part 3-Confessions of a billboard slayer

Kara tentatively knocks on Lena’s door and waits for her friend to answer. She’s worried sick that Lena saw her get distracted by seeing Lena in her undies and will think Kara is some kind of peeping tom or something. Lena opens the door and quickly engulfs Kara in a hug and asking if she is ok. Kara sighs in relief and says she is before looking at Lena for any sign of discomfort or really any sign Lena knows why the incident happened.

Lena simply looks back with a soft smile and takes Kara by the hand leading her to the couch to sit. Still holding Kara’s hand Lena looks at Kara expectantly waiting for the story of how all that happened. Blushing, Kara clears her throat and decides to just tell Lena everything. After all she did promise no more secrets. Once her stammering confession is done she looks up and waits for Lena’s reaction.

Lena is momentarily stunned at the fact Kara accidentally destroyed public property all because she was distracted by her in bra and panties. Then the realization hits Lena that if Kara is distracted by Lena in her undies, then there’s a chance Kara might actually find her attractive. Lena decides to test the waters and asks in a mostly playful tone “so me in nothing but my underwear is really that distracting?”. Without thinking Kara immediately replies “you have no fucking idea” which makes them both blush immediately and look down at their hands. In a split whim of bravery Lena says “well anytime you want that sort of distraction I’d be more than happy to oblige”.

Kara looks up surprised but her pupils immediately dialate at the mental images running through her brain. Shaking her head to snap out of it Kara gets her own whim of bravery and says “how bout right now?” to which Lena leans in close enough for Kara to feel Lena’s breath on her lips and whispers “of course darling” before finally kissing her.

#supergirl #supercorp ficlet #supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers

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xtodorcki · 3 years

Note

this just a suggestion heheh so you don't have to feel that you need to do it 🥰🥰 scenario is jean and reader on and off relationship, the reader is insecure because jean's ex before the reader is so pretty and the reader doesn't feel like they don't deserve jean so for the last time they broke it off and jean being angry and not understanding the reader's point of view decided to make the reader jealous by having a fake relationship with the said ex, now the reader is very devastated, crying most of the time, not leaving the bed etc. connie and sasha were the ones comforting reader and one day both of them decided its enough and confronted jean, now jean felt guilty and all that jazz so reader and jean decided to talk and then boom back together and for good this time. I really cant handle angst on its own so i have to make it angst to fluff 😁😁

“Back & Forth,” Jean x Reader

Summary: having an on and off relationship with Jean because of your insecurities, when you decide to break it off a final time- he practically uses your insecurities to make you jealous.

Warnings: none, angst to fluff

The relationship between you and Jean was never easy or smooth. There were a lot of rocky days and stable days, kinda like a roller coaster. Some days were really good and memorable to you and some days were just plain awful.

Every time you two would bicker, it would always lead to a much bigger argument and eventually a break up for a few days then poof, you’re back in his bed or he’s back in yours.

It was a repeated cycle for over a year and working beside him in the scouts didn’t make things easier on the both of you- in fact it added a lot more stress to the relationship that was barely hanging on by a thread.

You’ll admit that your insecurities and fears did play a massive role in the arguments. You were terrified of losing him, of him losing interest in you and going off to find someone better.

You hated yourself for thinking such thoughts but knowing who his ex was and how his ex looks- you were fully convinced that he had downgraded with you and is going to figure that out eventually and leave you.

Jean was pretty oblivious to your feelings and how insecure you were, mainly because you were too afraid to tell him and also because he was an idiot- he can’t figure things out even if it was right in front of his face.

So the arguments continued, the break ups and make ups continued for months until one of the days you both were more frustrated than usual. You can sense the anger dripping off him and radiating towards you that it kinda scared you a bit.

The argument was a small stupid one that led to him raising his voice at you and making you feel small. He was never the type to hurt your feelings or make you feel like shit during an argument, he usually just made smart ass remarks and then leave you be for a few days then come back.

But this time he was more angry with you to the point where he had startled you from shouting. You couldn’t tell where all the sudden anger came from and you truly felt as if it was all your fault for making him raise his voice.

You tried to hold back your tears and your emotions, you hated to be vulnerable in front of him and since he was pissed off and stomping around the room, you had just decided to grab some of your things you had in his bedroom.

“Where are you going?” He asked even though he knew, it was always the same toxic behavior between the both of you.

“I’m done this time, Jean. I’m not coming back.” You simply said, quickly walking out of his room before he could say anything.

The stabbing pain in his heart had instantly stunned him, making him stare at the bedroom door you walked out of and everything came rushing to his head. The realization had hit him pretty hard and all it did was feed into his anger, making it worse than before.

He couldn’t believe you would easily give up on the relationship you two have built for over a year, he felt as if you never really loved him and it only made him more upset and that resulted in him punching a hole into the wall.

A week had passed, you mainly stayed inside the room you had on the scouts base- you barely would leave. You wouldn’t go to training sessions, wouldn’t go on missions, wouldn’t do anything. All you did was lay in bed and cried, the overwhelming pain pinning you down on your bed, preventing you from moving.

But the one day you had decided to come out and grab something to eat before heading back to your room, Jean sat in the mess hall with his arm around someone’s shoulder. At first, you couldn’t make out who it was until they had turned their head- it was his ex.

“Hey, Y/N.” Connie had called out to you but you had stood there emotionless until Jean had turned to meet your gaze.

The way your heart had dropped all the way down to your stomach, your worst nightmare coming to life right in front of you. You were quick to turn around and head back to your room before the tears could slip from your eyes.

Jean had watched you walk away, he was hoping that the little jealousy plan he was doing was working in his favor. He had missed you way too much to the point where his dumb brain had tricked him into thinking that bringing his ex here could make you jealous and come back to him.

But of course men aren’t that entirely smart when it comes to dating.

Jean had no idea that you sat in your room crying and having the heavy amount of your insecurities weighing down on you. He couldn’t see the fact that you were hurting way more than he was and all you wanted was for him to grow up.

He watched Sasha and Connie follow after you, making sure to bring you a plate of food from today’s lunch, wanting to make sure you were okay and fed.

“Can we come in?” Sasha spoke on the other side of the door, making you quickly wipe the tears off your cheeks and unlock the door for them.

But when they both saw you, they could tell you were crying from how red your eyes were and the way your cheeks were flushed but they decided not to bring that up. Instead they walked inside and all three of you sat on your bed.

“Wanna talk about it?” She mumbled towards you, setting the plate down in your lap and you glanced down at it, not knowing what to really say.

“Is it Jean?” Connie chimed in, watching you play around with the food on your plate with a fork.

All three of you were pretty close so it was obvious for the both of them to know that it was Jean and the relationship you two had. They knew you were beating yourself up over it and they knew that the sight of Jean with the ex he swore he didn’t like anymore, was a lot for you to handle.

“I just don’t feel good enough when it comes to him. His ex is everything that I’m not and it’s obvious that I will never be enough or better than they are.” You managed to choke out, making Connie shake his head repeatedly.

“No, you’re better. They’re nothing compared to you, Y/N and if Jean can’t see that then he’s clearly an idiot.” He tried to reassure you but in the back of your mind, you were set on not being enough for him.

“I love him more than anything, it hurts to not have him here.”

They both stared at you and realized just how much you have been suffering up in your room on your own. They can tell just how much Jean meant to you and that only irritated them more to know he sat outside in the mess hall, acting as if you never existed or never mattered to him.

Sasha sighed, reaching over to embrace you in a hug and soon Connie had joined in. It had made you feel somewhat better, just to know you had people who cared about you but it didn’t help the fact that Jean wasn’t here comforting you like he should be.

“We’ll leave you to eat but I’m coming back later for dinner and you’re coming to eat with us, okay?” She told you, making you somewhat nod your head even though you weren’t sure if you’ll be able to even leave your room now that he was out there with his ex.

When they both left their room, they agreed to one another that Jean needed to be put in his place and Connie had even thought about punching him in the face even though he was also his best friend. They were both furious with him and the way he had made you feel and the way he had easily tried to move on with the ex you were insecure about.

Connie had managed to yank him away from his ex, dragging him in the hall where Sasha waited. The both of them giving him a intense look.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Connie spoke first, his eyebrows furrowed together and the skin on his face getting hot.

“What did I do?” Jean scoffed, looking between the both of them confused.

“You know what you did, why would you bring your ex here knowing Y/N is still upset over the breakup?”

“Since when was Y/N upset? They broke up with me.”

“Didn’t it cross your little brain on why they did all of that? Or are you too dumb to realize their feelings?” Connie was being a bit more harsh than usual but he cared about the both of you deeply, he knew he had to do something at least.

“Look, the only reason why everything happened the way they did is because Y/N feels very low and not enough, comparing themselves to your ex, convinced they can’t be enough for you.” Sasha sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Jean had stood there, in shock almost as everything finally came to his head and everything had finally hit him like a ton of bricks. He hated himself for not seeing it sooner but having Sasha bring it up in a better way than Connie- it made him see all the signs that he didn’t see before.

He didn’t have any ounce of emotion or attraction towards his ex and the dumb decision he made to bring them here to make you jealous and come back to him, it made him feel even more stupid for making the wound in your heart bigger.

He didn’t know what to say to his two friends that stood in front of him, instead he dismissed himself and walked down the hallway towards your bedroom. He was racking his brain, trying to form the right words to say to you.

He didn’t want to screw things up with you, you meant everything to him and the way his heart raced inside of his chest as he stood outside your door. It had taken him a few minutes before bringing his fist up to knock on your door.

In your head, you were convinced that maybe it was Connie or Sasha returning back to your room like they said they were going to do earlier but when you opened up the door and moved your eyes up to meet Jean’s sad gaze, making your heart stop.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh, can we talk? If not I can go.” He stuttered out, the nerves kicking in and the fear of being fear of being rejected.

At first it had crossed your mind to shut the door in his face because at the top of your head was the repeating image of him out in the mess hall with his ex but deep in your heart you had too much love for Jean and you couldn’t handle ignoring him and telling him to go.

Instead you had opened the door wider, letting him step inside and both sat on the small couch you had in your room. There was an awkward silence at first, after all that thinking on the way here he still didn’t know what to say to you to make things right.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.” He started to say, his eyes trailing off and moving back to look down at you.

“It wasn’t my intention to make you leave that day and I really hate when we argue and break up all the time.” He sighed under his breath, his hand reaching back to scratch the back of his neck as he tried to form good enough sentences in his head before repeating them out loud.

“I don’t want us to continue to be toxic like that, you mean everything to me and I don’t want to lose you.”

“And what about you being with your ex?” You questioned, his sad eyes meeting yours and he simply shrugged his shoulders.

“I did it to make you jealous. It was a stupid idea because I felt like you were happier without me and I just wanted you to come back.” He admitted everything, the dumb plan to get you back failed miserably and now he was here trying to pick up your broken pieces again.

“You’re an idiot if you thought that was going to work.”

“I know I know, I couldn’t see that you were hurt. I never meant to try to replace you or make it seem like my ex is better because they’re not. You’re the only person I want to be with and the only person I’m in love with. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N and I mean that.” Jean confessed the bottled up feelings he’s been having for a while now.

Sometimes he was just never good with confrontation or admitting how he feels but as he sat there in front of you, the heavy amount of guilt weighing down on him for making you feel upset and insecure about the ex he never liked or wanted in the first place.

“Jean..” You trailed off, you didn’t really know what to say because you were just as bad at confessing feelings and emotions. You didn’t want to admit the fact that you’re self conscious and not confident enough.

“I know that you don’t feel good enough or have any confidence in yourself but trust me when I say this, there is nobody else that makes me feel the way that you do. I wouldn’t trade you for the world.” He kept going, the rush of words slipping off his tongue with ease right when they came to his mind.

He would sit there and talk about you all day and all the little things he loved about you. He never wanted to lose you and he wished that he stopped himself from being so stupid and selfish months ago. He hated to think back on the arguments and how he let those stupid fights separate you and make you feel not enough for him.

“I don’t want to lose you.” He finished off his rambling, his large hands hesitating but eventually reaching over to grab a hold on yours and you let him.

The way your heart had felt heavy at the sight of his face and now all you felt was it flutter with such love for him. You never understood how you ended up having Jean, you never seen yourself one to be this deserving of good things but he made you feel the opposite, he made you feel worthy of good things.

“I’m sorry for leaving.” You finally apologized after being zoned out in your endless thoughts and he simply shook his head.

“No, I’m sorry for not listening to your insecurities and feelings sooner.” He sighed, his hand reaching up to caress your cheek while still feeling the intense amount of guilt hang on him.

All he ever wanted was for you to feel loved and wanted and he hoped he made you feel that way but he also couldn’t help the burden of not listening to your feelings even if you never mentioned them out loud, it was pretty easy to see when you were feeling low or upset and he never acknowledged it as much as he should have and for that, it really hurt him.

His thumb had stroked soft circles on your cheek, staring down at you with sad eyes but seeing the small smile on your face had made him a bit more happier. He squeezed your hand before leaning over to plant a few quick kisses to your lips before fully pressing them against yours. The kiss was slow and soft yet passionate and full of sparks, something you missed a little too much.

When he pulled back to look down at you fully, his fingers had moved back to tangle in your hair before you moved yourself to wrap your arms around him and embrace him in a tight hug. You had missed him everyday while you sat inside of this room alone and he had felt the same when he laid in his empty bed late at night.

You meant everything to him and now he would do anything to keep you happy and in place, no more small breakups and no more sadness- he just wanted you to feel good enough again.

This took way longer than it needed to.

I’m sorry for the lag and the constant “sorry and ty for your patience” status. I was doing good until just recently when I experienced a loss in the family. even if it was just a family pet, she meant everything to me and has been around for more than a decade. Its been really fucking hard but I’m managing.

Ty always for the love! Send in some more requests for Armin, Jean or Eren. I love writing about them🥰

• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

READ BIO before requesting!

#jean kirstein imagine #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein headcanon #jean imagines #jean imagine #jean x reader #jean fanfic #jean headcanons #jean kirchstein imagines #jean kirchstein fanfic #jean kitchstein headcanons #aot headcanons #aot imagines

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starlight-writes-stuff · 3 years

Note

SO HEAR ME OUT an nsfw alphabet for draco

hey bestie - im literally so excited to do this (: i have a guilty pleasure of reading nsfw alphabets so u really hit the nail on the head with this request . n e ways , enjoy !

AYO LOOK AT THESE ! : smut (duh but still) , hair pulling , breeding k!nk , unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it) , masturbation , choking , light bondage , praise kink , general adult themes and content so please only read if ur okay with that .

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3 ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

draco is the literal definition of a fluff fic after sex - hes so soft and loving and affectionate . if the sex was on the rougher side , draco goes out of his way to kiss any bruises , cuts , or red marks he may have left on you, soothing the sinfully painful spots with soft touches of his suddenly gentle fingertips.

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

draco is built like a greek mf god , and he knows it . he’s all lean , toned muscles and his alabaster pale skin only makes him look more ethereal . draco is quite proud of his body and isn’t afraid to show off if needed.

draco literally loves everything about you , and you’ve tried over and over to get him to pick his most favorite - he never does it because he’s a stubborn little shit and refuses to let you think that he values one part of you over any other . finally , you wore him down to coming up with a top 3 : your hands , your hair , and your chest .

your hands as they fit perfectly in his , they brush his hair out of his eyes with a gentleness that melts him every time (and the way you dig your nails into his back or his arms iykyk) .

draco loves your hair mostly because its the exact opposite of his own ; long , thick , and chocolate brown . he’s constantly playing with your hair , whether that's running his hands through it or gently tugging on it to get your attention . he would kill you if you ever told anyone , but draco taught himself how to braid your hair so he would have something repetitive to do to calm his anxiety .

draco loves your chest : he's such a boob guy . he is such a boob guy . even in a non-sexual context , draco loves having his hands up your shirt just feeling how soft your breasts are , the way that he can feel your heartbeat if you’re still enough . when things are getting *frisky* draco loves your tits - in his hands , using his mouth on them , titty-fucking you , literally everything .

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

draco has a huge breeding kink , but is simultaneously terrified of getting you pregnant. he knows that he wants to be a dad eventually , but draco malfoy is the king of daddy issues™ and can’t fathom having a child right now .

that doesn’t stop him from filling you up with his cum every time you guys fuck - draco loves watching your face as you take his entire load , begging him not to pull out .

once he does , though , draco’s head is immediately between your legs watching his manhood drip out of you , fingering it out of you while you whimper at the way he seems to hit all the right spots .

he’s extremely thankful for the tiny , yellow birth control pills that you’re on , and he reminds you every day to take them .

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

draco had never , ever said i love you to someone during or after sex until the two of you had your first time . now , its a normal occurrence for draco to tell you how much he loves you as he thrusts into your pretty , fucked out body . he lets his forehead fall to yours , moaning the words in between heavy breaths as he finishes inside you .

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

draco had a couple of hookups , and a complicated friends with benefits situation before the two of you got together , so he was somewhat experienced by the time you guys finally got down to it . he made sure you felt so good the entire time , using every trick in his book to make you cum around him over and over until he reached completion as well .

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

draco is a sucker for regular old missionary . he likes being able to watch your face as you take every inch of him , watching your facial expressions change and morph under the influence of his pleasure . if he’s eager to feel you - all of you - draco will hook one of your legs over his shoulders , giving him better access to your sex . this is the one instance where draco wont keep eye contact with you : he can't resist watching himself slide in and out of you , coated in your cum .

however

he's an absolute sucker for you riding him , too . he loves to let you take control and chase your pleasure - plus the visual of you bouncing up and down on his cock , eyes rolling back into your head as you hit all the right spots is enough to send him over the edge . if you get tired while on top , draco will gladly hold your hips in place , fucking up into you until you practically collapse into him , entirely taken over by the force of your orgasm.

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

intimacy is something that didn’t come easy for you and draco; he’d never been with someone that he actually loved before you . there was a deep intensity to the emotions shared between you two during sex , and draco viewed that time between the both of you as something almost sacred . foreplay , or just general teasing can be silly with you two , but making love is more serious .

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

draco keeps himself trimmed , but not entirely clean shaven , and the hair down there is darker than his signature white-blond locs .

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

(refer back to g but i could talk about this for days) draco is incredibly romantic when it comes to sex . your first time was like something out of a movie - draco had lit candles everywhere , filling the room with soft , flickering light , as well as changing the sheets on your bed to a soft , white cotton . he’d taken his time making you comfortable ; you and draco had talked through all your fears for hours before he laid a hand on you . once you were ready , draco’s touches had been soft and slow and tender all over your body - he’d made you feel like the angel you were . quickly , you learned that draco wasn’t like that just because it had been your first time ; draco made an effort to make sex just as special every time.

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

draco was raised thinking that masturbation was a shameful act , something dirty and below him (you literally can not tell me that this isn't true i'll fight it until the day i die . as much as i love narcissa the malfoy family fkn sucks and they damaged draco so bad . anyways) so it’s very rare that he’ll get himself off. when he does , its somewhere where he can quickly get rid of the evidence , such as the shower .

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

while draco makes sex between you two meaningful and special , that doesn’t mean that he’s afraid to be rough (after yall have had a long talk about it before where you gave him enthusiastic consent ofc . )

draco loves to pull your hair or wrap a hand around your throat while he’s hitting it from the back , so much so that he’ll bring your back up to his chest .

he really enjoys a bit of light choking here and there - just enough to watch your pretty face flush with blood , making your moans the slightest bit weaker .

draco loves to tie your hands up above your head while he’s eating you out as well ; it makes you take all the pleasure he’s willing to give , and he lives for the way your body writhes and bucks under his skillful tongue.

you literally can not tell me that draco doesn’t have a praise kink - both giving and receiving . draco loves to tell you how good of a job your doing whether you're sucking him off or taking all of him inside you , and he’s constantly reassuring you that you’re doing such a good job.

however

he fucking loves when you praise him as well (my theory as to why is so fkn sad so we wont go over that here) but that boy lives for you telling him how good he’s making you feel , and when you encourage him nodding and whining for him to go faster . its the one thing that undoes him almost immediately , and he flushes furiously every time you tell him just how fantastic he’s doing .

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

you and draco rarely get it on outside of your bedrooms at hogwarts , or your childhood rooms when you’re home for the summer - but there’s an exception to every rule. draco has absolutely ruined you in the quidditch changing rooms after a rather brutal loss , and he’s the king of shower sex , too.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

praise !! draco loves you telling him how good his dick feels , or his tongue , or his hands . he also appreciates when you’re rather direct with him - telling draco exactly where you want him , what you want him to do - it drives him absolutely insane . hearing such dirty words come from your sweet , innocent mouth kills him , and it makes draco that much more excited.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

there's nothing draco wouldn’t try at least once , but he’s rather uncomfortable with voyeurism. he hates the idea of anyone else seeing your body , watching how you wriggle and whine underneath him as he makes you cum . while the two of you have done it in some questionable locations , draco had made sure that no one could see .

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

while draco loves your mouth wrapped around him , that boy could spend all day between your legs . he's nothing short of obsessed with eating you out , and its one of his favorite things to do for you . he cant help the way it makes him feel - hearing you whimper and moan while you pull on his hair , your back arching off the bed when his tongue flicks in just the right way . he gets a sort of high from it , and absolutely prides himself on making you cum with just his tongue .

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

it really depends on the day . draco loves fucking you slow , watching his manhood slide in and out of your pretty body coated in your arousal , but he cant resist fucking you so hard he leaves bruises , either . if its just a regular day , the two of you fall somewhere in between , a perfect mix of rough and sweet .

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

draco loves a good quickie every once in a while ! sometimes he needs a release , and your body is his favorite vessel . usually quickies are where the two of you get a little more risky - he’ll grab your arm , pulling you into an empty classroom or the shower and take you then and there .

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

yes and no . draco would try anything and everything , especially if you asked him to , but there are some things that are a one-and-done for him . the two of you are good at talking about that stuff - if something made one of you uncomfortable , the other would understand 100% . its all about the balance of boundaries and still being adventurous.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

draco would fuck you all day if you would let him . he can make you cum many , many times before he’ll allow himself to even get close , and even then his stamina is through the roof . he can go at least 3 rounds if not more , and switch positions as many times as you’d like .

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

while draco doesn’t mind you using toys on yourself , they do make him slightly jealous . you gently tease him about this sometimes , how he works himself into a sulk over an inanimate object - however, that usually leads to your hands tied to his headboard , draco holding a vibrator on your clit until you can’t take anymore orgasms.

you two have expirimented with using your vibrator during sex , but draco much prefers playing with your clit over using an outside source , and seretly , you do too . he’s amazing with his hands , and rubs tight , fast circles onto your sensitive nub while his hips snap against yours only intensifying the sensation .

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

draco loves to tease you - he likes to watch the way you come undone under the slightest touches of his hands . very rarely does he tease you for long - he can’t resist giving you what you want , what you’re begging him for in that high , breathy voice .

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s a loud motherfucker all the time , and the bedroom is no exception . draco’s moans are music to your ears , and they turn you on more than anything . his already rough voice only gets raspier , and deeper , too . he loves to talk dirty to you , but as he approaches his orgasm , he can barely form full sentences . his cocky pillow talk turns to almost desperate moans and whimpers as his thrusts get sloppier and quicker , his hips snapping against yours hard . his groans as he cums are heavenly , especially since he’s usually buried his head in your neck or dropped his forehead to yours by then .

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

we all know that draco have a superiority / god complex (as he should 😌) , and this manifests in the bedroom - you would’ve never known , though , if it weren’t for a complete accident . you and draco had been studying together , and he’d asked one of the yes or no questions written on a flashcard . not thinking about your actions , you’d answered the question with “no, sir” - then physically felt draco’s entire body stiffen underneath you . you’d picked up on it immediately , blood flooding your face as you’d asked him if he liked it .

yes , he did .

he loves when you call him sir as he’s fucking the life out of you - like , he has to stop himself from cumming on the spot .

when you want to fuck with him for whatever reason , you’ll jokingly call him ‘sir’ in front of your friends

you’ll pay for it later , though

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

mans is built in every sense of the word . draco is quite well endowed , which was something that took you a bit to get used to . he was never one to measure - it just seemed wrong to him , like he was doing something dirty - but by your estimations , draco is about 7 inches . he’s thicker than most , too , which only adds to your pleasure .

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

draco lives in a constant state of horny™ . he can’t help it - something about you brings out his most primal instincts . he’s so in love with you and your body that he can rarely keep his hands off of it , but he knows how to control himself . he tries to match your sex drive ; when yours is high , his is too , but he doesn’t mind waiting on you to give him the green light if you’re libido has been lower .

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

its safe to say that the both of you are extremley tired after sex - its quite the workout . draco is so soft once he’s finished , and he would live in that post-sex haze forever if he could ; he’s all sweet kisses and skin-to-skin contact , but he’ll usually wait until you fall asleep on him before he can drift off . something about making sure that you’re comfortable enough to sleep on him fills draco with a sense of immense pride . once you’ve fallen asleep, depending on how vigorous everything was , draco will usually fade pretty soon after ; on the off chance that he still has some energy , draco stays up and watches you . he looks at you as if you were a piece of art , usually following the soft lines and curves of your face with a gentle finger ; admiring you like the angel you are .

#draco #malfoy #dracomalfoy #draco malfoy #hp #alphabet #oneshot #blurb #request #ns/fw alphabet

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