Please note
I rolled out of bed to type this because it was weighing on me a bit.
I feel the need to explain this in depth but I really shouldn't have to so I'll toss a tl;dr at the end, I just feel like where I'm coming from is useful or something? I'm not sure.
I just wanted to say that over the time I've run this blog there have been some compliments I felt uneasy about. At the time I often accepted them; Even viewed them as positive things even if something felt off. But dwelling on why they felt off gave me plenty of reason to make this post.
I hold no negative feelings towards the people who offered these compliments because in each case it's been very obvious where they were coming from. Perhaps I'm too nice, but I don't feel negativity about it.
But some people seem to misunderstand what "any pronouns" means or how it interacts with their views of who they are speaking toward.
I have had tags slapped on my pics that amount to things like "#hnnnnnng I love girls/women" as they have misconstrued my acceptance of any pronouns to mean I accept others gendering me for themselves.
I do not.
I have had many people compliment and sext over my "girlcock" or "girlmusk".
I do not have these things.
I am nonbinary, I am agender, I have some fluidity in there but it's constantly bouncing between miasmas of gender rather than along the traditional binary, I am trans and happy about that- it hasn't been a fact I understood for long but I've enjoyed understanding myself more as a person than as a singular gender.
I have a cock, not a girlcock, to put it bluntly.
To put it more clearly, I feel "at home" in so many different terms- so many different titles and pronouns- because I feel myself within them. If someone calls me mistress or miss or sir or whatever I feel myself in that because all of gender feels like a part of my blurry agender identity. Effectively they are calling me by parts of my home or something poetic- I rolled out of bed for this.
But when someone points at me and declares me one thing, calling me a woman in an apparent attempt to show appreciation towards the varied body types that exist within the gender- to show respect towards trans women by what? Misgendering a nonbinary person? It feels like someone found me hot and wanted to label me so they could maintain their preferred sexual identity or something but that's an assumption and not my internal world to explore.
Gendering my body parts as if my acceptance of pronouns extends towards deciding how to label my body for me is the real kicker that has dug at me over time.
At first I took girlcock to be a rather sizeable compliment as it felt divergent from my past identity. People were taking an effort to not see me as simply a man, so that must mean we're going the right direction- I thought.
But as time has sat on it it's just remained uncomfortable and I've long since figured out why.
Pointing at me, a nonbinary agender trans person, and saying "Girl-bodypart" is still incorrect. It's still deciding for me and frankly it feels really weird being in such happy trans circles but still occasionally hearing that I'm a hot transfemme with a hot girlcock when that's not what I am. You can clearly see that's not what I am- it's in my damn name if you needed a reminder.
*sigh* I'm not even actually mad about it, I'm mildly upset I guess, but more in a disappointed and kind of saddened way.
In practice it's just made these "compliments" feel like someone saying you're the coolest ever- at the exact moment you step in a puddle in bare socks. You sure as hell don't feel cool right now and this just feels fucking off and will continue to for a while now, thanks.
TL;DR I am nonbinary and agender and trans and accept any pronouns, this does not mean you can decide I am a woman for the sake of praising me as a hot woman, this also does not mean you can gender my body for the same purpose- I will softly remind you that I do not accept others complimenting my "girlcock" as I do not have one. Thank you.
I guess in conclusion, girlcock fucking rules, trans people fucking rule, I am nonbinary and not a girl and do not have a girlcock, mine's just a cock, I'm going back to bed and love you all 💜
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how well would your ocs do against a cockroach tag game
rules: yeah that's it. that's the tag. idk if anyone has done this before but rate your ocs by how well they'd do against a cockroach.
gonna be a lil annoying and tag a biiiiit more people sorry lol. no pressure to join in tho!!! and anyone else who wants to can hop in. @lyssa-ink @reneesbooks @macabremoons @space-writes @squarebracket-trick @scribbling-stardust @toribookworm22 @lorenfinch @sapphos-scientist @e-klair @arctic-oceans @sidhewrites @loopyhoopywrites @hallwriteblr @talesofsorrowandofruin @cream-and-tea
(anyway the rest is under the cut bcuz I have a LOT of characters so I'm gonna go a bit insane. Pulling from Beast as always)
Crys:
- doesn't bat an eyelash, kills it easily
- merciless, 10/10
Icarus:
- a lil startled, will jump if it flies at him, but manages to catch it and set it free outside
- 8/10. this boi is too good for this world
Rhyme:
- begins by trying to smash it to a pulp
- rapidly gets more and more irritated when she keeps on missing
- finally lets out a primal scream of rage and fireballs it
- 6/10 because she nearly burns down the house
Sol:
- lets out an undignified squeak
- leaves the room
- if it flies at him he's sprinting out of there
- 3/10
Dahlia
- rolls up a newspaper and whacks it a few times?? like a normal person???
- 9/10
Beatriz:
- faints
- poor bbg can't handle the terror
- 0/10
- alternatively shoots her feathers and skillfully punts it out the window
- so overall actually 5/10
Honorary mentions
Iri and Yuan:
- incoherent screeching
- KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE
- both trying to get behind the other
- so many feathers embedded in the floor. so many
- Iri scales up Yuan's back and stays there on his shoulders like an overgrown squirrel
- 0/10
Jorge and Jordan
- they catch it
- and store it with their dozen other cockroaches used to prank people
- 10/10, but I'm docking points for the malicious intent
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hi .. ive just reread how to say someone's name like it's just a string of letters for the ... Seventh time i think and. i just. have this visceral reaction to it every time. its genuinely so Terrible how strongly i feel about this fic. its so beautifully written i am in tears every time and i. God
(how to say someone's name like it's just a string of letters)
honestly it's the sadness of going from being so entangled with someone and in love that you're sure you're going to grow with them for the rest of both your lives to hating them and hurting for years, paired with the catharsis of finally unburdening yourself of all the things you've thought about saying since the last time you saw them paired with the freefall that comes when you're forced to confront the fact that they're also human with complicated emotions and fallible logic and just as much hurt and love still after all this time
ending with the bittersweet ache of realizing that you'll never ever be able to get those years back that you missed, but you're going to commit yourself to trying to love them again because you never really stopped and at this point, you're not sure you're capable of it and honestly maybe this time the love will be enough
(it will be)
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AO3 Tag Game!
Thank you for the tag @misty-wisp :D This looks so fun!
How many works do you have on AO3?
12! And it's steadily increasing as I get more (and randomly) ideas to write fics bout >:3c
What's your total AO3 word count?
126,004! Whoooaaa... That's a lot :o Ngl, I barely visit the statistics of my ao3 account so I didn't expect that one.
How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?
Okay, so... it's 5? I think. On my main ao3 account it's 2 though! OMORI and Mahoyaku! Buuuut! I've written for Persona 5 (with Magic Kaito) but I'm... too shy to put it in my ao3 account so it's just in my tumblr. The other 2 is somewhere else... (I've written a oneshot for Genshin Impact in an old ao3 account that I don't wanna open up again cuz it's so embarrassing for me... I don't even wanna read that oneshot, I'd die of embarrassment. And the other one is Honkai Impact 3rd, I forgot where I put that one but I do know I wrote a oneshot with Bronya and Seele for it).
Top five fics by kudos:
It's all from OMORI!
Once again, from the beginning - I did not really expect this one to have as much kudos as it has now, like, tbf yea it's my most well planned one but it's still so crazy to see the kudos on it-- wai when did it pass that number-- I never really check the kudos but wtf happened here.
The Tune of the New Morning - How did this one get that many kudos too??? This is my very first OMORI fic and ngl, whenever I look at it I get the very strong urge to rewrite everything from the beginning cuz of how badly planned it is. If OAFB is well planned, this one is terribly planned. I literally make things up as I go.
Magician in the Mirror - Is in the top 3!!! Lookit!!! :D The work I'm proudest in cuz this is my 2nd fic and also the one I just went ham on! I wanted it out during anni and it was all a last minute thing but I'm so glad it turned out well despite that!
The Pawn and the Bishops - I didn't expect to see this one here but alas... it is... I quite like this one though! It's the first one I've written with a fairly heavy and gloomy atmosphere and I think I did pretty good on it!
And thus, the snake ate no more - I see you're here too... This one is actually like a mix of my planning between OAFB and TNM in which that it's in the middle of well planned and terribly planned. Think of it as the middle child of my longfics. With OAFB being the spoiled youngest and TNM the unplanned first child.
Do you respond to comments?
YES! As much as I can! I like receiving comments and I like responding to them as best as I can but I also get pretty nervous bout it... so I end up barely responding anyway oh boooooo.
What's the fic with the angstiest ending you've ever written?
I??? Don't think? I have written any with an angsty ending yet? I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort so most of the fics I've written so far always had a happy ending so! Maybe in the future 👀 Maybe.
Do you write crossovers?
Is the Kaito Kuroba from Magic Kaito in Persona 5 now as Akiren and Co.'s friend stuff I've written considered crossover? If so then yes! It's actually pretty fun to write one! :D
Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?
I don't think so? Pretty happy that I haven't yet, thank goodness!
Do you write smut?
Nope! I don't know if I would though, truth be told I don't have much knowledge with writing smut, I barely read any stories (novel wise) with it as a guideline cuz I... I can't visualize it well enough, my brain is not equipped for it (I try to read smut and spend the next few minutes figuring out the characters' positions. Yall smut writers out there impressive with it cuz honestly how).
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Nope and thank god for that!
Have you ever had a fic translated?
I HAVE!!! AM SO HAPPY BOUT IT!!! :D Someone translated Magician in the Mirror to Chinese and it's so cool!!! I think there's only a Chapter 1 of it but it's so cool and nice and sweet and awwwwww.
What’s your all-time favorite ship?
Alright, sit down. This is very important. I need you to listen closely, attentively, and carefully... I Love CaiOwe/OweCai. I LOVE CAIN/OWEN!!! OWEN/CAIN!!! CAIN&OWEN I LOOOOOVVVEEE ANYTHING WITH CAIN AND OWEN!!! It's my all-time favourite ship, nothing can compare to Cain and Owen from the hit japanese game, Mahoutsukai no Yakusoku aka Mahoyaku aka mhyk aka Promise of Wizard. They're my most favourite ship I'd go to war for em, I love em so so much, I adore em sooooooo much, I see any fanart of em and my day gets better immediately. They're my lifeblood, my ambrosia, my everything. I love caiowe/owecai with all my heart...
What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?
Looks at oafb, tnm, and attsanm... I'd like to believe that regardless of how much time had passed, I would be able to finish any of those three though. Hyperfixation gone or not, I wanna finish em!
What are your writing strengths?
I think it'd be monologue? Inner monologue? What do you call that thing where it's just the narrator focusing on the characters' thoughts and feelings and their overall view on the situation??? I think I'm pretty good at that, maybe. And somehow I'm good at accidentally setting things up, I don't know how but I just accidentally do things that connects stuff.
What are your writing weaknesses?
Dialogues... I'm so bad with dialogues most of the time I spend in writing is getting the dialogues right. I'm also really bad at descriptors, I'm bad at describing things so I just try to either describe something as best as I can with the help of searching through the internet or get around that part by just being poetic.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?
I think it's pretty neat! :o I feel like I've seen fics like that before but can't really remember though I did think it added detail to the story of it!
What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?
Uhhh, I think it waaaaass Honkai Impact 3rd? I think it was the Bronya and Seele fic I've written somewhere that or it was the Genshin Impact fic instead. It was either of those two.
What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?
Magician in the Mirror!!! It's my favourite I've written so far and the one I'm proudest of! And a lil biased, but the latest favourite one that I've just recently written is Look back, Orpheus which is a fic for caiowe from mhyk! Once again, from the beginning is the 2nd favourite though :3
Thank you again for the tag! Dunno who to tag though but for anyone that sees this, feel free to do it! :D
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