House M.D. but it's when a character says the name of the episode

RFA+Minor Trio Celebrating New Years Eve w/MC

I hope you enjoy it! It kind of sucks but it’s my first one...so pls bear with me! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ 

                                       ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  !!WARNING!! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

                     !!PROFANITY AND SLIGHT MENTION OF NSFW!!

☆Yoosung☆

☆Everyone agreed on staying more lowkey for this year’s New Years and decided to stay home instead of doing their traditional New Years Eve get together party. Especially with the pandemic... it would be safer to stay home...

☆ Yoosung and you didn’t mind as you’d get to stay home being all lovely and touchy with each other. You two planned to chill playing LOLOL till 10 PM and have a mini party with just the two of you and Lisa waiting for the big count down on TV with an enormous box of fried chicken.

☆ Yes, that was the plan until...Yoosung had to whine about wanting to play a few more rounds. You gave in to his adorable begs and played a couple more rounds.

  ☆ Looking up to check the time after playing what only felt like two rounds, your heart dropped. It had past 12, the countdown that had only come once every year has passed as you stayed playing games- something you could do anytime, any day. Yoosung doesn’t notice the darkened expression on your face and continues to blabber on about his new favorite equipment. Yoosung stop...

☆ He stops talking, as he takes off his headset when he notices your silence and follows your heartbroken gaze up to the clock. The longer needle directly pointing at the 12 and the smaller pointing at the 20. He gasps, unable to close his mouth before shaking his head back into reality. He carefully reaches out to your cold hands before begging for forgiveness, “Baby I’m so sorry- I had no idea...” He knew how much you had looked up to this New Years Eve- the first New Years Eve you would spend with him, the New Years Eve you had talked about for 3 days straight on how perfect you wanted it to be. 

☆ You let out a helpless sigh before holding his hand, “It’s fine, really” you smile as he brightens back up standing up to lean towards you. He pecks your lips before a smug grin appears on his face, “It’s not too late to celebrate now.” You flush red as he pulls you into a deep make out session before he screams, “YAY ITS 2021!!!!” What the fuck, just ruined the moment there Yoosung... ಠ益ಠ

☕️ Jaehee ☕️

☕️ The timer on your phone rings as you and Jaehee jump up from the couch in excitement and rush over to the oven where the cookies you two have baked spread the scent of chocolate around the house. When Jaehee looks away to get plates , hallucinated by the sweet smell you reach out to the oven without second thought . “MC!” Jaehee yelps as she grabs your wrist, an inch away from the flaming hot oven. 

☕️ Startled you back away, “I’m so sorry I don’t know what I was thinking.” you reply still surprised on what you were about to do. She ruffles your hair, pinching your cheeks as she laughs, “Why’re you apologizing? Let me see your hand.” she lets out a sigh of relief when your small soft hands are clean from any burns. She grabs her oven mittens and take out the fresh batch of cookies.

☕️ You follow her into the living room where you put in Zen’s special New Years musical DVD. Jaehee holds your hands together quickly placing a kiss on it before blushing and looking away. “Be careful next time, I don’t want you to get hurt...” you giggle as you laugh at her adorable bright red face before nodding in agreement. 

☕️ You both sit down waiting for the plate of cookies to cool down as you both fangirl over Zen, a duvet over the both of you cuddling. You whisper a suggestive and gentle, “Happy New Years” before Jaehee places a quick peck on your cheek as she immediately looks away after, embarrassed. You giggle gently shifting her to look at you as you place a kiss on your adorable Baehee. ♥‿♥

🎤 Zen 🎤

🎤 You rub your eyes sitting up to see that you’ve been sleeping like a mess diagonally, thankfully though, the bed was a king sized and you were fairly petite so it didn’t really matter. Except, Zen was no where to be found on the bed. You brush it off as Zen was always an early riser. You head to the bathroom connected to the bedroom to freshen up. After brushing your teeth and hair, you wash your face. Looking at the mirror you blush, you’re wearing Zen shirt, only 3 buttons barely holding together from exposing your body. But you don’t remember putting it on after yesterdays interesting events with Zen so he must’ve dressed you when you were sleeping...

🎤 You get dressed in a comfy sweater dress because you know Zen will avoid you all day trying to contain the beast if you go out in his button up shirt. You close the bedroom door to be astonished when you look up to see the decorated living room. Lettered balloons writing out “Happy New Years”, confetti all over the apartments wide living room with Zen coming out of the corner with a party hat on his head. He kisses your forehead, “Jagiya good afternoon!~”

🎤 Something overwhelms you as happy tears swell in your eyes, Zen is flustered as he rushes to put down the plate of fruits in his hands and pulls you into his arms. “Thank you so much. I must’ve saved the world in my past life to deserve you...” He laughs as he brings your face closer into his lean build. You hug him for ten minutes straight and ask with a baffled expression, “But wait what time is it exactly? Good afternoon?!” He scratches the back of his neck wondering if he should really tell you, “3...PM...”

🎤 You stagger back before screeching, “THREE PM?”  He lifts your chin up to see your eyes, “To be fair I did keep you up all night.” your face turns red as you refuse to answer him. He scoffs before guiding you to the couch, “It doesn’t matter that you woke up super late. It actually gave me more time to decorate. Now let’s celebrate our first New Years Eve together babe~” He was right, and you didn’t really care that you woke up at three in the afternoon, just a little guilty he had to set this up all by himself. But either way you were super thrilled and touched that he’d taken so much time and effort to make your first New Years Eve with him the best. You kiss him thank you once again as he gets flustered, stumbling away to contain the beast.

🎤 Bonus: It took Zen 30 minutes trying to dress you in his shirt. One minute trying to dress you, another minute looking away with a flustered face as he apologizes to god. Back and forth, and barely manages to dress you...✌♫♪˙‿˙♫♪✌

♛Jumin ♛ 

♛ Let’s pretend the covid doesn’t exist here...You explain to Jumin about how excited you were for the first New Years Eve with him and you only. He doesn’t really see the point of celebrating New Years Eve. However regardless of what he thinks, he books a private jet so he can bring you to see the big countdown in New York. He’s just thrilled to see you so excited for something and is willing to do anything to make the day as perfect as you wish it to be.

♛ You’re SO-SO- surprised when he wakes you up five in the morning, telling you to get up and dressed for the private jet waiting for them outside. You haven’t known about this AT ALL! Either way you didn’t want to waste his money so you and Jumin fly to New York City first thing in the morning, barely keeping yourself awake.

♛ After spending the entire day eating delicious food, visiting intriguing landmarks, and relaxing at the luxury hotel suite it was finally around 11 pm when the countdown was soon gonna start. He makes sure you’re in warm clothing as he wraps a scarf around your neck. He holds your waist to keep you close to him as your eyes twinkle on the big screen of the countdown. He quietly laughs as he watches you without you noticing him. The entire crowd begins to countdown when the clock is at 10 seconds. You countdown along with the crowd as Jumin just watches you as he thinks you’re adorable. 

♛ “10!, 9!, 8!, 7!, 6!, 5!, 4!, 3!, 2!, 1!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!” You pull on his tie and stand on your tippy toes to peck him on the lips. You blush as you brightly smile at him and look away quickly after. He stands still startled at first before he gently pulls your arm and leans in for a warm French kiss. Before you know it you’re on live TV on a channel as a camera records the both of you. 

♛ When you go back home a couple days later, the RFA can’t stop making fun of the two of you, you’re embarrassed and hides from all of them for the next couple days while Jumin is just proud he had showed you off. (n˘v˘•)¬

👓 Saeyoung 👓

👓 You’re upset to wake up, Saeyoung not next to you on the bed. He’d probably stayed up working again...even if he was piled with work he’d always make time for you except for the past 3 days. You understood as you assumed work had become incredibly overwhelming this time. Although, you’re a little upset because you were hoping to celebrate New Years with him. You put a long fluffy cardigan over your strapped night gown. You freshen up in the bathroom before heading out to the living room. It was chilly in the house, worried for Saeyoung you go down into the basement where you find to see the door is locked. You bang on the door, “Saeyoung?” 

👓 He seems to be awake already, his voice sounds like he is genuinely surprised as he says “I’ll be there in a bit!” He opens the door blocking your view from the room. You frown crossing your arms below your bosom before bursting into giggles when you see his worried expression. “Come on Sae, what’re you hiding? Let me see!” you try to jump up in attempt to get a glance but he’s too tall. “Just a bit later!” he laughs as he bops his finger gently on your nose. You jokingly act pissed before muttering fine. Suddenly Saeran comes from behind Saeyoung screaming, “ARGGG IM SO DONE!” he shoves his way through Saeyoung and heads upstairs. You take the chance to steal a glance, you see balloons everywhere, everything themed galaxy. But before your eyes explore more Saeyoung hugs you as he buries your face into his red shirt. You can feel his abs through the thin cloth.

👓 “Woahh!! C'mon let’s go up babe” he continues to walk up as you both struggle to waddle up the stairs still hugging. He suddenly picks you up like a princess and places you back on the bed. “Promise me you won’t come down until I’m done with...something?” you sigh before breaking into a smile, “Fine.” He pecks your cheeks thanks before heading down again.  

👓 You chill watching TV with ice cream on the couch with Saeran. You flood Saeran with questions like ‘Can you pretty please give me hints?’ ‘What were you doing down there?’ ‘Did you guys stay up all night?’ When he ignores everything you say you pout and quietly watch the TV again. 

👓 Later, it’s already night and Saeyoung finally runs up the stairs to hug you in his warmth. He pecks you on the lips and blushes as he says, “Sorry I made you wait long.” You pretend to wonder either to forgive him or not before saying, “Depends, let me see what you did first.” you smile as he immediately picks you up in his arms. He whispers in a seductive voice, “Don’t open your eyes until I say so.” You nod and smile nervously. Saeran follows you both into the basement.

👓 You feel your bum on something extremely soft as he whispers, “Open your eyes.” You slightly flutter your eyelashes as you peak up and around the room. In front of you is a big screening of the galaxy. Everything is magical and astonishing, you can’t take your eyes off of it all. Then you gasp, Saeyoung kneels down in front you neatly in a suit with his glasses hanging on the pocket of his shirt. He takes a quick cute little breath before saying...”Will you marry me?”

👓 You burst into tears as you can’t stop crying. You take a moment to take deep breaths so you can talk. You nod furiously, “Of course!!!” He smiles brightly, his bright pearl teeth showing as he brings you into a hug before kissing you with tongue. You hear Saeran whisper ew in the background but you also can see a slight grin on his face. New Years Eve celebration? Psshh, you didn’t need that. You were so thrilled your heart couldn’t stop pounding. You loved this man in front of your eyes so dearly. He stayed up 4 days straight to prepare such a wonderful proposal for you. You held onto him so tightly for dear life as if he would disappear if you didn’t. You wipe his tears of joy before he wipes yours. You would never forget about this day...♪ ♬ ヾ(´︶`♡)ﾉ ♬ ♪

👓BONUS: MY OWN HEADCANON MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH SAEYOUNG EVEN MORE...Vanderwood is dead on the floor after Saeyoung forced him to help him with no sleep for 4 days straight凸(¬‿¬)

🌚 Saeran 🌚

🌚 It was 8 pm, New Years Eve you were explaining all the fun things you and Saeran could do but Saeran rather seemed indifferent as he slumped back in his chair, drumming with his fingers on the table. You frown at his rather uninterested replies, you had even dressed in a white ruffle nightdress despite it being unbelievably uncomfortable.

🌚 You’re slightly disappointed but you also don’t want to show him you’re upset not wanting to force him into doing stuff he doesn’t want to do. You gently whisper, “It’s fine if you don’t want to do anything. I’ll be in bed.” you don’t see his surprised expression when you walk into your shared bedroom with him. 

🌚 He walks into the room as you put down your phone. You were watching memes. He sits down on the side of the bed as you lean your head against his shoulder. He stutters nervous to say, “Um... so shit, how do I say this. I wasn’t trying to be indifferent I was just nervous...because I have something for you. Sorry...” Your eyes light up and you smile so brightly you can’t even hide it- you don’t even make an attempt to hide it. 

🌚 You startle him when you immediately don’t hesitate to jump on his muscular back, wrapping yourself on him. “Well? Bring me to this little surprise of yours!”  you giggle as he scoffs and holds your legs to secure you. He stands up to bring you up to the rooftop?

🌚 You notice to see a telescope as you gasp in amusement. “Wow...” you don’t hesitate to run over and peak your eyes through the telescope and watch the stars before you pull Saeran as you both fit your eyes through the big glass. You laugh pointing out all the interesting and astonishing stars. “Thank you” you mutter still amazed. He takes off his coat and places it over your thin nightgown as he attempts to snuggle into your chest but he’s too tall. 

🌚You eventually fall asleep on the bench on the rooftop so Saeran carries you back into bed where he falls asleep next to you. ★~(◡‿⊙✿)

♧ Jihyun ♧

♧ You feel someone petting your head on the table when Jihyun takes his hand away flustered as soon as you wake up. He clears his throat and pretends to read his book attempting to keep his composure. You smile gently pulling his arm to kiss him on his lips. “Sorry I fell asleep while reading.” you blush as you fiddle with his sleeve. “Why are you apologizing? No worries.” He smiles, tucking a strand of your hair behind. 

♧ You and V didn’t care for New Years Eve at all. You both just spent the day just like any other day, loving each other without missing out a single second. You then come up with an idea, “You haven’t gone out for a long time! Let’s go out to the greenhouse!” He laughs as he gently ruffles your hair, it’s almost ticklish at out lightly he’s doing it afraid to hurt you. “If that’s what you want to do.” You help him grab his cane as he opens the backdoor. 

♧ You can immediately smell the scent of fresh flowers, each one you and Jihyun have planted personally together. He did most of all the work. He holds your waist and carries his cane with the other hand. He doesn’t really have to use it because he’s already so familiar with the garden. You lean your head against his strong and tall build before crouching down by a pot. “Wow look we planted this last week! It already has a sprout!” you help his finger gently touch it as he smiles. “I’m going to go get the watering can, wait here!” he nods as you search for the watering can before whimpering in pain at your finger that has slashed against a piece of broken glass. He rushes over to you so quickly he is able to immediately find you with his hands and pull you into his arms. “What happened? Are you okay darling?” 

♧ “I’m okay. I almost tripped that’s all.” he can smell your blood and holds onto your hand before feeling a streak of blood. “Where are you hurt really?” You blush embarrassed from your failed attempt of hiding your pain. “I cut my finger but I’m okay.” He holds your waist as he guides you back into the house, sitting you down. He takes a quick breather before he smiles, “I’m scared because you always try to hide your pain from me.” 

♧ “That’s not true! I just didn’t want you to...worry.” He bandages up your finger, pulling you into a hug “But we said we wouldn’t keep anything from each other. However, there’s something I have also kept from you...” You look up curious and kind of nervous awaiting his next words. “I’m going to get surgery for my eye.” 

♧ You’re so surprised, you knew he didn’t want it at first, so why so suddenly? You caresses his cheeks, “Because I’m so damn clumsy, and you can keep your eyes on me?” he nods as you frown, crossing your arms with a small “hmph” he must’ve heard you because he didn’t hesitate to apologize, “Ah sorry, I was joking...” You’re so startled, why was this man so kind? You giggle, “I was joking as well.” he rests his head on your lap “Actually I want to get this surgery because I  want to be here for you, and I know I can do more of that when I get my sight back. Are you okay with this?” He’s so damn surprised when you fall to the floor next to him and slightly sit on your knees to kiss him. “Of course! I’ll support you no matter what.” he’s touched by your words and pulls you into another kiss. ★~(◡ω◡✿)

🧸 Vanderwood 🧸 

🧸 He’s a teddy bear just because “So why’re we doing this...” Vanderwood faces down in shame as you scoot him over to sit next to him and turn on the Boogle meet. “What do you mean ‘why are we doing this’ silly. This is a safe and great way to interact with other people during quarantine!” You turn on your camera and mute your mic as you enter the room. Jaehee and Jumin are the only ones on so far, Jaehee with her camera facing the roof of her kitchen and Jumin’s camera in his neat apartment as he sits with Elizabeth the 3rd like a statue. Nobody really wants to be here except for you and Seven but they all agree to because you desperately want to and they all give in to you.

🧸 “Hi Juju! Hi Jaehee!” Jumin is taking aback as he quickly says, “I have told you not to call me that-...” he sighs as if saying ‘whatever’ when you pretend to be sad. He forgets to mute his mic afterwards but his house is extremely quiet and he doesn’t talk so it doesn’t really matter.  “Hello MC. I’d like to say this was rather quite an intelligent idea.” 

🧸 “Aw thanks Jaehee!” Jaehee also forgets to mute her mic afterwards, these two Boogle idiots. Soon after everyone begins to join and you introduce them to your boyfriend Vanderwood. Everything is utter chaos and you can’t help but regret this. Saeyoung even hacks the meeting at one point making everyone sound like demons. When Yoosung is drunk and begins to rant about V being here, you decide to leave. You look next to you, Vanderwood has left the chat his soul looks like it’s escaped his body.

🧸 “Thanks for doing this, I know you hate interacting with other people.” you peck him on the lips as his face flushes red. “It was okay...at least it was through a screen...”

🧸 “Still...I’ll make it up to you.” You kiss him as you push him down on the sofa until you’re interrupted with “MC! NO! ALL MEN ARE WOLVES!” You realize in fact that you’ve not left the meeting, flustered you immediately click ‘End Call’ You and Vanderwood awkwardly refuse to look at each other before he leads you to continue what you were doing. (●´ω｀●)

heyo shrimpy!! sorry for the late response,, i got busy with exams lolol first, how are you today? :D Is anything good happening to you? enjoy your vacation btw, i hope you have a lot of fun! ^^ second, hmm finding your artstyle? that sounds even more challenging than improving for me, ngl hh- I don't know why but reading your answer made me think of a chibi dazai eating a nice burger... sounds cute,, I'm sure your drawing turned out amazing :D it's always a bliss noticing your art getting better, makes me want to draw more ^^ somehow, you drawing in a cuter art style makes you more adorable,, lovely doodles filling the empty pages,,,,

imagine dazai catching you doodling him with cute little hearts around the page,, and as his lips curved upwards a mild shade of pink dusts his cheeks, admiring you a little bit more before walking towards you quietly, wrapping his arms around your neck from behind. your frame stilled against his loving embrace, the pencil in your hand dropping on the concrete desk, your lover's lips close to your ears... his warm breath hit the back of your ear, kissing it in the process.

"I didn't know you drew me so much, gioia mia~¹" his sweet, teasing voice gently made its way into your eardrum, with you shivering afterward. his soft, umber locks brushed against your tender skin, the warm temperature his body radiated comforting you. your cheeks were probably red by now, and you were certain he already noticed. after all, when does he not?

clearing your throat, you comfortably positioned yourself, closing your eyelids slowly before speaking.

"u-uh, yeah. I, uhm-"

"and they're so well done, my darling! I assumed you were an artist since you always brought a notebook and pencil with you, even in our workplace, but I didn't expect you to draw me... I am flattered, my belladonna~ your artstyle mirrors the way you are... cute!~" your brain couldn't take in his words, and yours were stuck in your throat. all that was left was a stuttering mess whilst you shakingly turned around, with your lover chuckling at your adorable reaction.

dazai could now definitely see how your cheeks gained color, the redness painting them well. noticing your alerted gaze and trembling, he raised his hand to hold your warm cheek, caressing it with his thumb. although your quivering didn't cease, he took a note of how your eyes widened for a second before calming again. his smile broadened as you leaned into his touch, your timid orbs avoiding his loving ones. unfortunately for you, he had other ideas in mind.

and so, he leaned closer.

your eyes snapped back at him, his nose almost touching yours. a small gasp escaped you as you attempted to form a sentence, but failed to do so. the man in front of you only beamed at your reaction, his heart melting at how adorable and lovely you were. he was truly fortunate to have a loving, caring, understanding partner such as you.

he really loved you and cherished you with all of his soul.

"osamu! y-you're-" and before you could say anything else, the brunette gave you one last loving look before closing his eyes...

and placed his lips against yours.

your eyes bulged out from your sockets as a small shriek left your throat, but was immediately muted by your beloved's kiss. your flustered state couldn't comprehend what was happening, but the warmth of your chest was so overwhelming, you couldn't help but hastily press your lips back against his, tightly closing your eyelids to enjoy the moment more...

smirking, dazai stopped for a brief moment while you whined in protest, but he quickly soothed you while shifting his hands to grip your chair, gently twisting it around. you opened your eyes again to understand what he was doing... and regretted it as soon as you saw his smug look, while he caged you between him and your chair. you glanced around stunned, the dulcet shade of rosé overlapping your already flustered profile. shakingly, you looked up and met his calmer and haughty orbs again, making you gulp as your heart rammed in your chest.

his smooth, defined face was all you could see, and if it wasn't for your panicking mind, you were sure you could observe him for hours. you felt so open under his narrow, shadowy, russet orbs as if you were an interesting book he was very invested in. that fierce, intense way he observed you with, only made you shyer, and you shrank on your chair... which wasn't the best move, you thought, since he cornered you more than before, and all you could do was watch him from below, too red to do or say anything.

his low chuckle reverberated through the room, and a small drop of sweat rushed down your embarrassed face as he towered over you, devouring all of your sweet, lovable expressions. his smirk widened as your pupils shrank, bending down to your level once more. he tremendously wanted to pick you up and place you on the king-sized bed, while you desperately clung onto him and whispered his name, trying to evade his all-seeing gaze... but held himself back to tease you more.

after all, you looked so delicious right now...

"o-osamu..." your needy, wobbly voice brought him back from his little daydream, shaking off any other thoughts he had in mind... all that mattered now was you. humming, he got closer to you, both of your faces millimeters away. if he was trying to kill you, he was doing a great job at it. the smile never left his mouth, and you could feel the confidence seeping through him... his breath hit your lips as he exhaled making you freeze on the spot.

"hmmm? what is it, my dear? do you perhaps need something?" he asked, already knowing what you wanted and needed. but hearing you spell it out for him... it was a bliss.

you nervously exhaled, feeling the warmth in your cheeks rise as if you weren't blushing enough. not brave at all to face him head-on, you fiddled with the hem of your shirt, looking down as you did so. dazai screamed internally at the cuteness with all the courage you had, you shyly told him...

"p-please osamu, i-i need you..." and that was all he needed. chuckling, he stared at you with a wolfish grin, pleased to hear those words coming out of your lips.

"then... let me take care of you, amore mio~²"

your sketchbook was long forgotten that night, but dazai did make you "sing" some sweet songs for him...

¹ = means my joy in Italian, the ask from Sofi sparked something within me 😶 dazai giving you Italian pet names sounds perfect-

² = my love, once again, in Italian- hh

okay i got too carried away 💀 ANYWAY THANKS FOR NOT READING THE ONE I SENT BEFORE HH SORRY AGAIN, PLEASE ENJOY YOUR DAY AND KEEP ON DRAWING UR ART CUTE AF

first of all, my vacation is going well! i enjoyed going out and riding some rides, plus took a nice shower and now i am relaxing in my bed, hehe.

second, it's truly a bliss to see my own artwork improve over time! it makes me extremely happy. also, i love the idea of dazai eating a burger, that's adorable. i have been wanting to doodle dazai a lot lately; probably cause he's just so adorable to me and he's absolutely breathtaking, hehe. it's nice to fill up the empty pages and just letting your mind flow as you draw.

third... OH MY GOD. READING ALL THAT WHEN I WAS IN LINE FOR MY RIDE MADE ME SO FLUSTERED UNDERNEATH MY MASK. AND REREADING IT ALL OVER AGAIN MAKES ME SO ASFJFSOXMSK 😳🥺💘 it was so, so sweet of you to write all that! please, dazai speaking pet names in another language truly sounds like him. not to mention, the fact that he was so flirty and he's such a tease from how you portrayed him, my heart is fluttering. and the very end though. oh my. 🥰🙈 goodness that really made me so blushy, hahaha.

thank you for taking your time to write that. it always warms my heart to read these and wow, omg, you just really wanted to fluster me today, did you? ASHFIAOZNA thank you so much for this. my heart... i have no words. it just made my day so much better too, haha. bless your kind soul, i loved reading it all 😭🤍

RFA boys + saeran helping surrogate MC through pregnancy and meeting her baby

so this is the other interpretation of that request i got. i hope its okay! i wrote this one out side which was really nice for a change. please leave a comment if you enjoyed it

also master list if your into it

Jumin

During the pregnancy

-        Since he met you later in your surrogacy he only gets 2 months to help you through your pregnancy

-        But he does everything he can

-        You get one of those super fancy pregnancy body pillows

-        He declines the private nurse though reminding him that every woman ancestor he has gave birth even before private nurses were a thing

-        He picks apart the line saying that his great aunt never had children so not every

-        You cut him off with a gently kiss before saying “hush I’m pregnant and therefore right”

-        He would argue with you but you’re already walking away towards the kitchen where your latest snack craving was hidden away.

Meeting the baby in the waiting room

-        He was a tad upset that he couldn’t be with you in the delivery room

-        But he understood that your sister and her husband (the parents) took priority over him

-        At least he said he did but his grim look and constant foot tapping  said otherwise

-        “Jumin” your sister called “do you want to see your future nephew?” his heart jumped at that.

-        Your sister hadn’t been cold to him certainly but she had always referred to him as your boyfriend despite his proposal.

-        He had taken it to mean she did not approve of him but if this child was his future nephew then she must have accepted that you were his future wife

-        “yes I would” he said resolutely stepping forward to see the baby in her arms

-        He had you and your sisters eye’s (poor baby ain’t got no eyes JK) and red tinted hair from his father but what hit Jumin most was the simple peace of the child

-        He had expected fussiness and crying. He had asked around and many people warned him that newborns were fussy even on their best days

-        But like you this child had a gentle peace about him a calm and happy light in its bright young eye’s

-        “I’d like to see MC” he said abruptly and your sister chuckled stepping aside so he could visit you

-        He wrapped you in his arms and murmered low in your ear “you never cease to amaze me my love. Marry me? Not in several months not even in days. Tomorrow. The second your discharged.”

Yoosung

During the pregnancy

-        He is trying his absolute best. He knows nothing about pregnancy. So he asks his mom and after calming down her panic she agrees to help.

-        By showing up at his house to see and care for MC.

-        She insists on cleaning and worries over MC whenever MC tries to help

-        Yoosung helps dutifully but you can see a tinge of regret in his eyes when his mother nags him to stop playing lolol

-        She’s there for a week cooking and lecturing Yoosung on everything that a pregnant woman need help with (which according to her is EVERYTHING)

-        You ask her if she had a hard pregnancy by chance and she admits her pregnancy with Yoosung was very difficult (Yoosung had never known that and listens intently from his place cleaning in the kitchen

-        She had pushed herself to hard and ending up going into labor prematurely nearly loosing Yoosung in the process now your crying and Yoosung is rushing to your side his mom hugging you both

-        “you are strong MC anyone who can put up with my son must be but dont forget to take care of yourself, and you Yoosung you help her with this and make me proud” his mom semi scolds with a warm smile

Meeting the baby in the waiting room

-        Yoosung is sitting in the corner practically bouncing with anxiety

-        Zen has his hand on Yoosung’s shoulder and is looking at his watch every five minutes

-        He was missing a final for this but he had told his professor that his girlfriend was having a baby so the professor would let him retake it tomorrow

-        Technically it wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t their baby.

-        Despite it not being their baby he was still so nervous he thought he might be sick. After hearing his mother’s story, he had researched EVERYTHING that could go wrong (there are a lot of things that could go wrong)

-        So when he heard your sister (who had become a familiar presence in his life) call him he nearly jumped out of his skin

-        He rushed over to where she stood holding a small bundle of blue blankets

-        “you’ll never guess what we named him?” she teased and her small smirked highlighted just how much you two looked alike “MC came up with it, and we thought it was perfect naming him after his uncle”

-        Yoosung looked at her confused and lost tilting his head to the side

-        “meet Yoosung our baby and maybe someday your official nephew”

-        Yoosung turned beet red at that you and he had only been dating for 3 months after all

-        And yet through all the nerves he couldn’t find it in himself to dislike the idea in fact he couldn’t stop the wide smile that grew on his face

-        “hi mini Yoosung. I’ll do my best to be someone you can look up too okay!”

Saeyoung

during pregnancy

-        Look there was A LOT going on during this moment in his life

-        Between the agency and mint eye he could barely think straight

-        And you were his rock grounding him through it all.

-        Vanderwood had never seen a woman 7 months pregnant pick a fight with a cult leader and show no hesitation when looking danger in the face before you

-        You were either incredibly brave or just plain stupid considering you were in love with Saeyoung probably a bit of both

-        He had to admit though your steadfast level headed nurturing was exactly what Saeyoung and his brother needed

-        At every wrong turn and new trouble, you were there cheering Saeyoung on and calming Saeran down (something that amazingly it seemed only you could do)

-        Saeyoung was determined to protect you and his brother and you believed in him whole heartedly

-        It was only after all the chaos was over and Saeyoung had brought you to his bunker that you finally sat down, sighed and called your sister to tell her you were home

-        Saeyoung sat next to you and as soon as you hang up you burst into tears and buried your face in his chest

-        He was surprised when you mentioned how worried for him you were

-        He pulled you back to look at you disbelievingly before kissing you hard

-        After all that nothing could come between you

Meeting the baby in the waiting room

-        He stood stock still eye’s darting between the doors to the delivery room and the hallway he led to the psychiatric ward where his brother was

-        He wanted to tell his brother that today was the day but everything had been so busy since arriving he didn’t have a chance and now his was stuck unsure of how long it would take.

-        Logically he was sure he had enough time since his brother never wanted to see him for very long. They were doing better of course but at most they could only spend 20 to 30 minutes together before Saeran would have an episode and Saeyoung would be ushered away.

-        Still he didn’t want to risk being absent when the baby was born and he could see you safe and sound again.

-        Your sister had barely stepped through the door before Saeyoung was burying her in questions

-        “is MC okay? What about the baby? Is it a boy or a girl? When can I see MC again?”

-        Your sister chuckled at that nodding down the bundle of blue blankets in her arms

-        “MC’s is okay their helping her clean up now. This is our little boy here and you can see MC as soon as you answer a question for us.” Her gentle voice reminded him so much of yours whenever you tried to soothe Saeran and he nodded urgently. He desperately wanted to see you.

-        “will you be the God father luciel?”

-        Ice ran through his veins as he froze. Godfather. He couldn’t, there was no way he could with everything he’s done everything he’s caught up in but hadn’t he thought the same about being with you, and about seeing his brother again too

-        He looked at the tiny infant, it slept soundly in its mothers arms and he tried to find a reason to dislike the small boy, any reason to say no to the question your sister had just asked. Slowly the baby opened his eyes and he marveled at how clear and innocent they were.

-        He’s tremulously nod’s and is suddenly caught up in a gentle hug from your sister and her quiet husband, before being ushered back to meet you.

Zen

During the pregnancy

-        Absolutely gives you anything and everything your craving

-        Completely quits smoking because what if it hurts the baby (still drinks beer though)

-        he lays his head on your belly and talks to the baby telling it how it has the best kindest strongest angel of a mother ever

-        surrogate mother you point out and he looks so confused because what’s the difference?

-        You explain that the baby isn’t yours in any way except for it growing in your womb. The egg was your sisters so the baby is hers not yours

-        He still looks a little confused but takes your word for it after all you would know best

-        You and he have A LOT of dinners with your sister and her husband

-        He’s still getting used to the whole family dynamic since he hasn’t had it in so long

Meeting the baby in the waiting room

-        He is pacing because he does not enjoy sitting still while anxious

-        he can’t calm down and he’s angry that they won’t let him in the delivery room with you

-        Yoosung touches his shoulder and he turns on him about to snap but stopping himself when he sees its Yoosung and not Jumin

-        Yoosung asks him if he wants some water and offers to walk with him to the hospital cafeteria

-        They are almost out the door when he hears your sister call for him

-        “zen would you like to see the baby?”

-        He sprints over to see the little boy and in that moment he vows to teach this child everything he knows

-        It may not be his son but he swears to support the kid to the ends of the earth and if the kid ever needs a place to go. Well that’s what uncles should be for.

-        The baby grabs at a stray lock of Zen’s hair and its one of the few times Zen lets anyone but you and his hairdresser touch his hair

-        Then the baby tugs just a little too much and Zen decided that the no touch rule is completely valid as your sister tuts and untangles the tiny fist

-        He still loves this kid though

-        Your sisters been talking this whole time but he hasn’t heard a word so she snaps in front of his face to get his attention

-        “do you want to see MC”

-        “yes” he nearly shouts before speed walking to your room

Saeran

During the pregnancy

-        After the chaos of mint eye and looking for his brother he is happy to settle down

-        He cooks for you, and of course you and he share so much ice-cream (midnight ice-cream runs because of craving happen almost weekly at first)

-        He brushes your hair and tries to wait on you hand and foot until you put that foot down

-        You have to give him a serious talk about making his own decisions and choosing things for himself because you don’t want to see him fall back into his mint eye habits

-        He nods and starts to give you a little space but he still brushes your hair. Saying he genuinely enjoys it

-        You encourage him in his recovery and sit outside while he gardens

-        When he gets angry you do what you can to calm him down. People are worried he might hurt you but you have faith in him. (and the self-defense training Jaehee gave you)

-        Your sister is admittedly nervous but your unwavering faith bolsters her trust in saeran as well as his trust in himself

-        He’ll be the first to admit though he does NOT like the look of discomfort on your face when the baby kicks but he’s learning to keep himself calm and to walk away from things that upset him rather than try to fight them head on

Meeting the baby in the waiting room

-        EVERYONE can feel how tense he is

-        He’s sitting straight backed with his fists clenched on his knees

-        Your sister is honestly a little afraid to take her newborn baby out their despite how sweet he seemed sometimes. It’s the times he didn’t seem sweet that she worried about. Even if you swore up and down he was more than safe

-        His head shot up at the sound of the door and he rushed to your sister the second he saw her

-        “where’s MC? is she safe? I need to see her NOW?” that last word came out harsher than he meant and Jumin put his hand on Saeran’s shoulder

-        “I’m sure MC is fine. Isn’t that right?” he said calmly

-        Your sister nodded a little before speaking “MC is fine the nurses are helping her clean up you’ll be allowed back as soon as she’s done I just thought you might want to see the baby since you helped MC through this”

-        Saeran swallowed hard, he wasn’t sure he wanted to see the baby. Wasn’t sure if he should see the baby

-        But when he locked eyes with the small infant he swore he could see so much of you in its face (or was it your sister? Did it matter? Not to him)

-        It was the first time he had actually thought of starting a family with you. later when he is farther into his recovery, when his relationship with his brother is better, when you and he are married maybe.

-        When a nurse called for your visitors and he lunged forward baby forgotten you where most important

awwww i’m here now darling so you better feel amazing <33333

ok miss i see the subtle flex you just pulled on me, just say your team is op and go... :pp jk!! no but yeah if you’re stronger than the goddamn bosses it usually goes easily. can’t say i’ve seen those days in a while tho rip

YOU ARE MY BABY!!!!!! you could do a doodle for me and i’ll literally cry abt it until i die. ooooh that seems good tho??? especially ningguang and beidou... the ladies are making a comeback 🥴 i agree with you actually!! i’d love for chongyun to come back (so you can get his c6 mostly) and for selfish reasons i want razor to come back to... bc boy scouts. i really want the boy scouts... hope it happens soon tho 🥺

speaking of boy scouts i just got him.... xingqiu.. i felt so bad bc i know how much you want him... :( but i didn’t get any xiangling so. i lost successfully shskdhsk. also I WISH they had cross-server co-op more than ever at this moment bc then we could do our chongyun + xingqiu dates... 🥺

cluna you’re literally so cool! you work through them? help couldn’t be me. i get super annoyed and if it’s not working i’ll just let it go and write something else instead shskdhdksk. for instance, i was working on this fic two months ago and i got really far into it when i hit a writers block. so, its just been collecting dusts for months now. a couple days ago i accidentally stumbled upon it and realize the potential it had so i might pick it up sksjdkd. i was literally prepared to just let it rot like so many other fics i write. so yeah idk sometimes i just give up because it’s easier even if it hurts me bc i spent so much time writing them sjshdkdj. yikes.

right?? and when you write a fic that takes place during the day you can get inspired by the atmosphere outside!! and yes!! i have to study outside i can’t get anything done at home. i used to be able to do that when i was younger but now it feels sooo impossible. especially with online school and stuff. either i go to a library, cafe or school. although most of these are closed now so i have to book a room somewhere to study. do you have a specific area at home where you write or can you just sit down anywhere and study?

for sure!! if i had the space i’d absolutely consider buying more books. right now i just have them scattered around everywhere (even some in my makeup drawer shdjdh). do you have a bookshelf? 🥺 that’s so pretty...! what are some of your other favorites btw? oh grade school is basically class 1 to 9... so from 6 years old to 15? girl no worries i know how difficult it is to understand all of that. when my friends used to explain their countries school systems before i’d just sit like owl eyes.

THE ALBEDO FANART!!!!! during his quest i took sooo many screenshots god he’s just perfect. he’s such a gentle and sweet boy ughhhhh.... he’s been gone for 2 days and i already miss him. and xiao and aether are just... yeah... i love how everyone ships aether with the boys yet i don’t think i’ve ever seen lumine shipping fanart? let’s just say gay rights and leave it at that.

BEFORE I CLICKED ON THE LINK I HAD A FEELING IT WOULD BE THAT POST.... literally us!!!! don’t make one in america no worries!! idk why my acc was set to that lmao. i’ll make one in asia tonight and just hustle for a few weeks until i reach co-op (i think it was ar 15?) plus i really want aether so i’m kind of not so stressed about it tbh? god i’m actually so exciiiiiteeeeed...... 😭 you gotta promise you’ll help me with domains and bosses tho you’re gonna be at a much higher rank than me while i’ll just be a little nooby girl. 😭

thank you so much for the encouragement!!! ♥️

today i didn’t keep you waiting too long, hehe. i missed you too much. but you’re porobably asleep now though :( oh well, can’t wait to hear from you my love <333

hiya!! i’m still up bc i miscalculated the length of a fic chdjcnskjd and thought to check if you’d sent anything before i went to sleep!! made me v excited to see there was not only 1 but 2 asks from you hehe (also it’s 2am rn so apologies for any incoherence!!)

AHAHAH fjskdjskdn genuinely tho,,, i’m really happy with my team rn LOL. and noooo you’ll get there someday!! before your world level increases and you’re stuck being many levels below the bosses again fhdjdjkd it’s a cycle 😩

NFKSKDLAKS i wish i could manage even a doodle… drawing hair is literally my worst nightmare (along with drawing anything else tbh) and all the genshin charas have such complex layered hair ugh it’s like they don’t want me to even try. yass beiguang (idk if that’s their ship name) actual queens 👑. razor!!!! what a good boye. i love his idle animation so much, pls he deserves everything 🥺🥺 and you deserve to get the boy scouts!!! can’t wait for that day to come <33

AHHH!!!! no don’t feel bad i’m so happy for you omg… live out all my xingqiu-having dreams for me please 😩😩😩😩 our xingyun dates!!!! some day it’ll be a reality <333

DHJAJSHS nooooo fuck writer’s block 😤😤😤 but i hope you’re able to finish that fic now!! (vaguely, if you prefer) what’s it about? also i have plenty of fics/ideas just rotting too, but that’s usually bc i get caught up in a new idea which i like more ? i think? lmao so yeah i definitely do give up on my fics too omg wait do you have those fics where you’re like omg this concept is god tier i’m so big brained and then you write out a scene and then it’s like … wtf do i do with this now? HAHAHAH like my attention span is slowly too short to write any long af fics, i can’t stay dedicated or interested enough for that but a lot of the ideas i have have the potential to be those 300k 40 chapter slow burn etc etc so there are so many docs in my drive that are just. works with like 2-3 written scenes and an entirely fleshed out plan but i know i’ll never actually end up writing it bc of aforementioned factors lolllll. that’s another reason why i think about just releasing all my wips some day! so people can see all the ideas im unable to execute jfjsndns. do you [like] writing super long fics like that? i admire your tenacity if you do ahah

agreeeeeed <3 and oh i see!! i always feel like people who don’t study at home are so studious fjskdksk it gives off that kinda vibe for me 🤪 and i have a study! so i usually do most of my work there. sometimes tho when i get bored and if i’m not watching a lecture i’ll sit on my couch or on the floor and change things up a bit lolol

djxkkakdks omg don’t let your makeup ruin the books.. or is the makeup more important djskskks. i do have a bookshelf!! it has like… 6 levels? and it’s all full 😳😳 other faves are defs the hunger games (catching fire >>>>>>>>) and you know the others like percy jackson, divergent, the mortal instruments. oh and the maze runner!!!!!!! the prequel (? sequel???) is probably one of the recent books i’ve actually read, even tho that was like back in 2017 lmao. i liked the john green stuff too.. just a lot of the like. basic ones LMAO. hbu??

6-15??? damn that’s an interesting range djsksk i guess the closest for us would be primary school which covers ages 6-12!

albedo is legit SO prettt and for what. his hair, his eyes, his soft spoken manner. ugh 😩😩😩 and taking a bunch of screenshots is a big mood!! ooo i’ve seen some lumine ones but yeah def not a lot ! (i know there’s discourse surrounding that lmao) but yes gay rights 😤 wait that reminds me i saw the cutest razor pic the other day and saved it i’ll show you when i’m in a more awake state to attach the image fjdjnd

!!!!!! ours minds… actually connected 🧠

okay that sounds good!!! and yeah wtf why does co-op unlock so like late lol let us play together NOW 😤 and good luck with starting again!! and have fun with aether hehe we’ll be able to have both ours meet 🤪🤪 AND YES I PROMISE!!!! i’ll carry you until we’re both the same AR and we can suffer fighting bosses together <3 you can just sit back and watch me do all the work 🤪 i’m super excited too!!! 🤩🤩🤩 and thank you for doing thisss even tho i know you said you don’t mind but still!! 💗💘💝💕💓💗💞

no problem!!! i believe in you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

eagerly (but patiently) anticipating your response~ xo!

I’m so mad, I’m so.....fuck. I feel like this doctor had no intention of ever doing this surgery because its like ever since I actually CAME UP with the money, its been one thing after another about why I need to do this still or that, and it feels like they kept stalling or trying to get me to give up, like....idk, nothing I come up with makes SENSE, all I know is they were perfectly fine and helpful in getting me a diagnosis and scans, and then sent me off after I did the final molds/impressions and said the only thing left was they couldn’t move forward until I paid x amount of money...and then I did, and all of a sudden its oh that’s not the right amount, I don’t know who quoted you that (umm you) but actually we need 20K up front because insurance claims can’t be submitted until after treatment and we might not be reimbursed (which again, then why did YOU make me wait to send my insurance preauthorization requests if your policy is to make patients pay in full upfront and wait for reimbursement which...what)...and THEN if there was STILL never a chance of me getting this surgery without paying in full upfront, why did they make me wait around for another week and a half while we waited on getting my insurance approve an access to care form that made this doctor in network (previously she was out of network for my insurance, but I had my insurance check for in network providers and there’s no one in network within a 100 miles of me who does this specific surgery)....like, if even being in network, they still weren’t going to take Blue Shield’s formal, written letter detailing what exactly was covered under my plan and they were intending to pay out....WHY WAIT FOR THIS FORM TO GO THROUGH AND GET THE LETTER BACK AT ALL????

It makes NO fucking sense. I feel like they never expected me to actually be able to come up with the money and idk what, like, she actually doesn’t know how to do the surgery or she doesn’t fucking doesn’t like me or want to or what like, lmfao I don’t even know, it MAKES NO SENSE.

But of course, its super obvious they were putting off calling me and hoping they could ride out the clock and I wouldn’t call today because I can tell the office manager doesn’t like being the go between and having to only give me bad news, but like, tough, that’s your fucking job, and maybe if you’d been a little less ‘gentle’ about it and just flat out admitted you guys were never gonna fucking do this surgery for me, I wouldn’t have WASTED an entire fucking month sitting on my ass, draining my account of money I can’t afford to waste, because my shitty jaw has progressed to the point where I can barely sleep, barely even eat because I have to manually fucking close it with my hand when I chew anything harder than rice, lmfao, and just....

God. The only thing I can think of to do now is try calling every other oral/maxillofacial surgeon in the county and see if they can do these procedures and accept my insurance. I know there’s no in network ones, and I already checked and my insurance can’t help me find a list of out of network ones, I have to basically just google every oral surgeon in LA and even though they’re all apparently out of network if they’re able to perform this surgery at all, I can at least probably get them in network by doing an access to care form again with them too, like since clearly this doctor turned out to not be a viable option? Idek man. Ugh. Jfc. And who knows how long this is gonna take. Ugh if they’d at least just fucking owned up to it and just called me this morning when they decided this still didn’t change shit, I could have had all day to be calling other offices instead of waiting for them to call and hoping this time at least they were aware enough of my DESPERATE FUCKING SENSE OF URGENCY BECAUSE HAVE I MENTIONED CONSTANT FUCKING OWWWWW AND ALSO HEY MY COMPLETE INABILITY TO FUNCTION IN ANY KIND OF MEASURABLY PRODUCTIVE WAY??? that they’d actually KEEP their word this time about calling when they said they’d call.

Now of course, none of these places are open on Saturday from the looks of it, so I won’t even be able to START calling around until Monday, and ugh. jfc. why. why the fuck did they string me along all fucking month if they knew at the end of it all no matter what, they weren’t gonna budge from trying to get me to pay 20K upfront, out of pocket, like I hadn’t told them from the START there was no way I could manage that, and hadn’t told them AGAIN when they TOOK my fucking money in the first place, when I paid them the $6,200 they INITIALLY told me would be my downpayment for this surgery, like I told them THEN that getting the loan for $10K in order to come up with the EXACT amount they specified took every bit of goodwill I could wring out of a lender with the credit I do have and there was ZERO chance of me coming up with ANYTHING more than that amount upfront....so why the fuck didn’t they tell me at least THEN when they ‘corrected’ me on the amount that it didn’t matter HOW MANY fucking hoops I jumped through with my insurance to try and get this doctor the reassurance or surety that they’d be reimbursed for x amount by Blue Shield...like....I COULD HAVE BEEN DOING ALL THIS A GODDAMN MONTH AGO. I’ve been waiting TWO YEARS for a fix to this shit that affects EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of my life, I FINALLY got a fucking diagnosis, a doctor who told me she could fix it, who said she could restore full function and wipe out the problems I have from it completely, no more headaches, no more pain, no more vertigo, no more nerve flareups....and now turns out I’ve wasted ANOTHER full month that got me not a single fucking step closer to this being DONE and FIXED and like.....

I’m so mad. And just. So frustrated. And SO. FUCKING. TIRED. Jfc. I hate them, I really fucking do, like they literally just fucking don’t give a shit no matter how many times I really fucking calmly and civilly lol tried to express how much it gets worse every single day like it has been CONSISTENTLY for the past two years, like never fucking plateauing, no matter HOW bad I think its gotten, it ALWAYS fucking manages to find a way to surprise me when I wake up the next day and yet AGAIN its somehow managed to shift so things are just enough different I NEVER get a chance to even get used to a ‘new normal’ and just fucking adjust to it, as shitty as it might be....ugh. God. I’m just.

LMFAO I honestly think right now I hate this doctor more than the fucking gay-bashers who caused this fucking drama by kicking me in the goddamn face over and over 15 fucking years ago and if THAT’S not hysterically fucked up I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT IS.

Anyway. So that’s my mood tonight, how’s everyone else doing? LOL.

This might be a longshot, but on the off chance that ANYONE knows or is friends with or related to an oral surgeon or oral maxillofacial surgeon in the greater LA area, like, this specifically is what I’ve been told I need to get done:

I need a Mandibular splint, a Total joint surgery on the left tmj (Temporomandibular joint) and an Orthognathic surgery. They specifically ruled out that I didn’t need a jaw replacement surgery because I have enough of the original bone that goes in that joint like, still there, so I didn’t actually need to get a prosthetic joint or the jaw replacement surgery which is apparently riskier and less effective anyway? Idek. If I can even trust anything they told me at this point, lmfao, but let’s just assume I can because not sure this fucker’s depression hour can handle thinking I might have to start back from square one NOPE NOT GONNA HAPPEN NOT THIS GUY I FUCKING REFUSE.

LOL as though my objections have any fucking effect on any of this anyway. BUT I DIGRESS. So yeah, that’s what I supposedly need done, I actually have really fucking good and expensive Blue Shield insurance that I’ve gouged myself a new asshole getting and keeping this year, not to mention needed donation posts and help with that just to still ultimately scrape by and not lose it, all specifically because I knew there was not a chance in hell I could ever afford the treatment I was being told I needed, like, out of pocket, and the irony is due to how expensive living out of a motel is and how like, I couldn’t afford to take any money AWAY from my many doctor visits in order to at any point this past year come up with enough money to put first and last month’s rent down on an apartment (and I look too much like a tweaker apparently, with constant twitches and fidgets and fixing my jaw, for like, anybody to want to just rent a room to me apparently, and even giving them the full story ended up seeming like “im too much drama” hahahaha oh LA I fucking HEART you sometimes), so there was never really any fucking alternative TO living out of motels currently, at least not until I can manage to stay upright on my feet long enough to get a part time job and use that to get a permanent address around here.....AND bottom line is in order to take in enough money from work and then ultimately from help with donations too, in order to keep my motels paid daily and not get kicked out and still manage to eat at least every other day....that was just enough money that it looks from my bank account that I make too much to need or justify Medicare taking on all this for me, ruling that out as an option, even though none of that money in my bank account was ever fucking LEFT by the end of each day after paying rent/food, and I usually only had like three bucks in my account by the time I went to bed each night....doesn’t fucking matter because lolol all they give a shit about is your MONTHLY statements. And I’m well past the point where I can even manage busing all the way around LA to downtown and shit in order to make the daily trips required to get Medicare offices to eventually give enough of a fuck to hear me out, like...a five minute bus ride to Best Buy today to buy a replacement keyboard for this laptop practically wiped me out ahahaha.

Anyway, I’m just venting and purging like I do. Don’t worry, I promise not to actually go supernova and ignite the atmosphere like I threatened earlier, that was all for show, we all know I’m WAY too petty and spiteful an asshole to ever settle for anything less than full fucking victory here and then like...eventual world domination because lol not like I’m letting those frathole rapist gaybasher fuck-offs WIN, like, have you MET me? I have survived this long on ire and spite, I will make it as far as I need to its, just...

*pathetic whines*

I dont fucking waaaaaaaaaaaaant to, I’m tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired, I wanna go to beeeeeeeeed.

Anyway, yeah. So if anyone like, is related to one of those surgical types or KNOWS someone who is, like, my good fucking insurance is set up to pay for having the operation done at Cedars fucking Sinai no matter who does it, like, as long as the doctor has any kind of pre-existing relationship with them, enough to get them to book an OR for them, I guess? I still dont fucking know how all this works, apparently Grey’s Anatomy is not an accurate source, who knew, how dare.

Like but yeah, the endpoint of that particular stream of consciousness vomit was if anyone knows ANYONE who knows ANYTHING about ANY of that surgical medicalese blah blah blah that I posted, like...my anons are open, feel free to pop in with a name and number or suggestion or referral or whatever the fuck, I will take ANY connection no matter how flimsy if it exists at all, I don’t care if its your second grade teacher’s dog’s veterinarians second cousin by marriage’s roommate. That’s GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

Kittens 🐱

(707 & MC)

Quick note: This may (probably will) have another part to it. It is EXTREMELY full of fluff, top to bottom. The idea of this was inspired by a chatroom I had recently with 707. Enjoy!

*Spoiler: just 707's real name; most people probably know it already though but I'm putting this here just in case. Oh, and his twin brother.*

~~~~~~~~

I stood staring into a window that viewed a room full of cats, both young, old, and even some in between. Next to me was Yoosung, whom I'd dragged with me to multiple pet stores and shelters in search for the perfect cat. This was now the seventh one we've gone to, and Yoosung was beginning to whine.

"MC, pleaseeee~! Let's leave! I'm bored, and LOLOL is having an event soon!" he complained.

I sighed. "Yoosung, we're not leaving until we find the right cat."

"Why are we even looking for cats in the first place?" Yoosung continued to whine.

I slapped my palm to my forehead. "Have you seriously forgotten? Today's my one-year-anniversay with Saeyoung, so I want to surprise him before our dinner date. A cat is the perfect gift — but I can't just give him any cat." I paused, then added, "Plus, with how much he pesters Jumin about his cat, I'd rather not see my boyfriend sent away in handcuffs..."

Yoosung scoffed. "You're going to trust him with a cat?"

I sent him a sharp glare, which immediately made him become so panicked, he looked like he wanted to disappear. "Yes. Besides, I moved in a month ago, so if I think he's somehow mistreating the cat, I'll scold him."

The blonde gulped. "O-okay. Perfect cat. But why did you bring me with you?"

"Because out of everyone in the RFA, not including myself, you know him best, so I'm hoping that with our judgement combined, we'll be able to pick out a cat best suited for him," I explained, simple and blunt, "so please take this more seriously."

Yoosung sighed. "Okay..."

We continued observing the cats; this time, Yoosung was more focused — probably because he realised the sooner he helped me, the sooner we would leave so he could get to his game, honestly. In total, there were about fifteen cats to choose from. The older ones were easy to spot since all of them were either resting or moving slowly; I didn't really pay them much attention since I didn't want to give Saeyoung a companion that would likely die within a year, more or less. So I focused more on the younger ones — the kittens that were running around and playing, which was a majority of the cats since it was kitty season. It was hard to pinpoint which one would be absolutely perfect for him without actually entering, I realised with a sigh.

Just as I was about to move towards the door, one tiny, adorable kitten approached the window I stood in front of and meowed at me, placing its paws on the glass. I blinked. The kitten was pretty small; if I had to guess its age, I'd say somewhere around one to two months old. The kitten's coat pattern was stunningly beautiful — short-haired, the main colour being white, with a decent amount of a pale orange on its head and back, and occasional dark grey/black stripes here and there, mainly on its back and stomach, but there were a few flecks on its head and face, too. The amount of colours (three) allowed me to peg the kitten as both a calico and a female, since only a very low percentage of calicos were male. Probably her most gorgeous feature was not her size nor her coat — but her eyes: big, round blue orbs that reminded me of beautiful crystals and were absolutely full of curiosity.

The kitten's beauty was remarkably enchanting.

Yoosung noticed the kitten and started to say, "What about–"

I cut him off quickly with, "I noticed," as I entered the cat room, the blonde close behind me. The moment I was inside, the kitten meowed at me and hopped off the cat tower she had been on to look at me through the window. She ran over to me and rubbed herself against my ankles, letting out a few more meows. I crouched down to pet her, and she pressed her head against my hand, purring loudly. A second later she suddenly ran away from me a few inches, towards a small toy — a ball with a tiny bell inside. She stared at the toy, then looked at me expectantly. Taking the hint that she wanted me to play with her, I grabbed the ball and rolled it slowly, and the kitten excitedly tossed it around for a bit. Once she was done with it, she came back to me for more petting.

I immediately glanced up at Yoosung, who I could tell was thinking the same thing I was: This is the one. Without needing a verbal request from me, he turned to get an employee. The employee told us to grab the kitten, so I did and put her into the cat carrier Yoosung held. Yoosung played with the kitten by putting his fingers through the bars while I signed the necessary papers to officially adopt the kitten. Finally, I paid the amount of money required, and off Yoosung and I were.

As we got into my car, Yoosung begged, "You have to let me come over to play with her!"

I chuckled, starting the car's engine. "Of course; if Saeyoung allows it."

"Oh! What are you going to name her?"

"Not sure. Since she's my gift to Saeyoung, I'm letting him name her. Now would you please cover the carrier with that towel already? You'll ruin the surprise!"

~~~~

I had Yoosung wait outside the door with the kitten while I entered, closing the door behind me so he couldn't be seen as I called, "Saeyoung! I'm home!"

The sound of my boyfriend stumbling over furniture in the dark (his house was often dark since he was practically a bat with a hatred for light) made me chuckle as I turned the living room light on. When Saeyoung finally appeared in my line of sight, he blinked multiple times at the sudden brightness, causing me to roll my eyes with a smile. He looked half a mess and half neat (but entirely hot), since his hair was more tamed in preparation for our dinner date later tonight; but his black tank top and blue jeans were heavily wrinkled, and he was barefoot.

Once his golden eyes adjusted to the light, they zeroed in on me and he grinned widely. "Hey MC! I uh, didn't expect you to be back so soon..."

I waved my hand dismissively. "Helping Yoosung with homework took less time than I expected," I said, sticking to the excuse I'd made up to get out and buy him a cat; since he originally wasn't in agreement of me leaving because of today being our anniversary. Before he could ask me how it went, I quickly added, "I have a surprise for you."

Saeyoung lifted an eyebrow, suspicious. "Surprise?"

"Yep. You're gonna love it~," I cooed, my hand reaching for the door knob behind me subtly.

"If it isn't more Honey Budda Chips, I doubt I will," he replied with a snicker.

I shook my head. "It's better."

"What could possibly be better than HBC?" he asked sarcastically. Then, after I'd opened the door and let Yoosung in, he started to say, "Yoosung? What are you–" his voice immediately died when his eyes landed on what Yoosung was holding. He pointed at it and demanded, "What's under that red towel?"

"Guess!" I excited urged.

Saeyoung frowned as he stared at it, likely taking into consideration its size as he rattled off, "A box of HBC? A game console? A–" he stopped the moment he heard it, his eyes instantly widening.

Meow!

"OH MY GOD YOU GOT ME A CAT?!" Saeyoung ripped the towel off and stared at the adorable calico with awe in his eyes.

I giggled at his reaction. "Surprise! She's almost two months old, and I decided to leave her name up to you — just don't name her after Jumin's cat," I warned.

He unlocked the cat carrier's door and gently picked up the kitten, holding her in front of his face. The kitten didn't seem to mind; in fact, she meowed happily and placed a paw on his mouth.

Saeyoung looked like he was about to cry.

I glanced at Yoosung for a moment, who shrugged, then focused on my boyfriend again. "S-Saeyoung? Is everything okay? Do you not like her? I had Yoosung help me pick her out, but if you don't like her, we can take her back and you can choose a different one..."

I slowly stopped talking after Saeyoung shushed me and hugged the kitten. "Don't take her back; she's perfect. I'm so happy."

I let out a sigh of relief, and smiled. "I'm really glad you like her."

He took the cat carrier from Yoosung and set it down, then handed the kitten to him (who was delighted to hold the adorable animal) so he could hug me. "Thank you. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Saeyoung. What are you going to name her?"

"I'm not sure right now," he admitted, pulling away to look at her. She meowed, purring as Yoosung pet her. Saeyoung cleared his throat loudly, causing the blonde to rip his gaze off of the kitten; and the two shared a knowing look. I was about to question what that meant, when Saeyoung started, "I wasn't expecting you to get me a cat, and I am happy, but... I could be happier."

I tilted my head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Saeyoung's face was as red as his hair as he awkwardly scratched his cheek. "Well... to be honest, you're not the only one Yoosung helped pick out a gift for today."

I raised an eyebrow, looking between the two men. "Oh? What did he help you pick out for me?"

Yoosung chuckled nervously. "W-well–"

"Shut up, don't you dare ruin my moment," Saeyoung hissed, effectively silencing him not only with his tone of voice but a sharp glare as well — causing the poor boy to stiffen and slouch in an attempt to make himself look smaller.

Saeyoung turned back to me with an adoring warm smile — a complete turn around from the harsh scowl he'd directed at Yoosung. He took both of my hands into his, and began, "MC. We've been together for a whole year now and came a long way to get to where we are at this moment. You're the reason I got my brother back, and the reason why I finally don't feel like I have to hide who I really am. You constantly put a smile on my face even when you're not around, and I'm so in love with you that it consumes me. I couldn't possibly be happier with anyone else."

*cue an oblivious MC*

I beamed. "Aww, Saeyoung, me too. But I don't understand what this has to do with your anniversary gift to me."

Saeyoung chuckled. "I was planning on doing this after dinner, but you surprised me with the kitten and it made me so happy, I've decided to just do it now. I know it's only been one year, but..." He let go of my hands, reaching into his back pocket and lowering himself onto one knee as he revealed a small red velvet box. Before he even opened it, showing off a beautiful yet simple diamond ring, I understood immediately and covered my open mouth as happy tears quickly formed in my eyes.

"Will you marry me?"

"Oh my god, Saeyoung, don't even bother asking twice; YES!"

My now fiance stood up with a huge grin, taking the appropriate hand and slipping the gorgeous piece of jewelry onto my ring finger. Then he held my face gently and kissed me; short yet full of love. I giggled after he pulled away. "Now I suddenly understand why you had asked for my ring size some weeks ago."

Saeyoung laughed. "Why else would I ask?"

"I don't know; a promise ring?" I shrugged.

He shook his head. "I love you, you oblivious human being."

"I love you too, Saeyoung."

~~~~

Bonus:

Saeran suddenly peeked his head around the corner. "Why was she yelling yes?" He noticed Yoosung and the kitten he held. "And why is there a cat here?"

"Anniversary gift, and–" I showed off the engagement ring that sparkled on my finger.

Saeran stared at it, nodded, then called to Saeyoung as he left, "About time, coward~."

"S-Saeran!!"

~~~~~~~~

END. PART TWO?

recovery

hi! im back with another lil bit of writing! i didnt draw anything for the nsfw prompt today but still wanted to do something for it, hence this fic! it is not nsfw tho skdfjsdlkf sssorry

day 3: caught in the act @yoosungweek

honestly its less Caught In The Act-y simply because i wanted to be mindful not to depict any explicitly damaging behaviors! i wanted 2 explore a lil bit of yoosungs depression which i feel like many people largely ignore hhhhh but id probably have to write Another fic to even feel like i did him justice in that respect. anyways! i hope at least someone finds this nice 2 read ;0;

words: 1827

warnings: slight angst, mentions of self harm

---

When Yoosung first found out, he hadn’t been entirely sure what to say. He was also a little confused; whenever you appeared in the chatroom, you always had your bright energy and genuine kindness in tow! He paused for a moment.

Then again, so did he.

But that didn’t dissipate his confusion; why would you would hurt yourself?

---

You had been dating each other for merely a few weeks now, but nobody could deny the truth that you and Yoosung were head over heels in love and devoted to one another. Following the first RFA party since you became the coordinator, you dedicated much of your free time to help with Yoosung’s recovery from his eye injury; you would drop him sweet texts every so often out of the blue and snap him pictures of you blowing kisses, hoping to lift his spirits. He had moped a little bit after being released from the hospital. It was obvious he was trying to stay cheerful, the following days filled with his playful whines lamenting how he wished he could see you with both of his eyes. But you knew behind his adorable pout, Yoosung was a little heartbroken.

He would have gone to Mint Eye and done the same thing a thousand times over, there was no question about that; however, he couldn’t ignore the guilt he felt whenever you looked at him with worry in your eyes, as if afraid he would disappear back to that ominous building, this time not returning. Try as he might to hide this from you, he knew you could see through whenever you shushed him and held him close. He loved you all the more for it, of course.

Yoosung discovered your habit of sleeping without pants one night, about a month after the party. You were finally spending the night with him, excited chatter exchanged between the two of you about what movies you should watch together and whether 11 PM was too late to order takeout.

He didn’t really register what it meant when you sought out the largest t-shirt he owned, making a bigger mess of his already unorganized drawers. Finally, you settled on an old shirt with a poorly rendered image of a dog on it, something he had been given after donating to his local pet adoption center. He debated whether he should find the matching cat one but was snapped out of his thoughts when you reappeared from the bathroom; he had to fight the flush rising to his cheeks at the sight of you tugging absentmindedly at the hem, almost missing your question about where the popcorn was.

He moved over to hug you then, unable to help it, and he sighed happily at your immediate return of his embrace. You quipped at him about the snacks, and he dutifully marched to the kitchen, gathering the appropriate junk foods while you set up your laptop. When he returned, you had settled comfortably into his bed, laptop in place and the beginning credits of the movie paused on the screen. He gave you a fond smile and hopped onto the bed into your open arms, placing the popcorn on the nightstand. He was too nervous to kiss you yet, though. He had to work up to that.

You started the movie and settled into Yoosung’s fluffy comforter, snickering a bit at his complaint that you were cuddling with your boyfriend’s blankets than your actual boyfriend. After a bit, you found yourself dozing off, Yoosung’s soft hands rubbing up and down your arms, soothing you into a near-sleep. You nuzzled into his chest, your legs thrown over his hips. Before you knew it, his movements had travelled downward and the rubbing caused the shirt to lift slightly.

Yoosung noticed the sudden stiffening of your posture, your body tensing up in his arms. What could cause such a shift in reaction?

He soon found his answer. The tips of his fingers were met with raised lines of scar tissue, the ridges a jarring contrast interrupting the otherwise smooth skin of your hips and thighs.

“MC…” Yoosung moved to sit up but found it difficult as you wouldn’t move.

“It’s fine,” you mumbled, face still buried in his chest.

Yoosung’s heart ached for you. He didn’t want to press and make you uncomfortable, but he didn’t want you to feel like he didn’t care, either. This was the first time since the bomb at Rika’s apartment that he had felt this worried about your safety. He had made sure to protect you then, and he wanted to be able to do the same now. Even if that meant protecting you from yourself.

He shifted to pause the now-forgotten movie, and you buried further into the blankets, hoping he would drop the subject. You peeked out at Yoosung as he turned around to face you, a small breath released from his throat. You avoided his gaze, and he frowned.

“MC, if you really don’t want to talk about it, I understand. But…” he trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

You feigned preoccupation as you played with the bedsheets, bunching them up just to smooth them down again. “There’s not a lot to say,” you mumbled, palms feeling clammy. After a particularly long stretch of silence, Yoosung tensed up, anxious if he should hold you close or give you distance. “It happened, and it’s done now. And I’m sorry, Yoosung, please don’t worry about it.” you finished quietly, closing your eyes for a few moments.

Yoosung shook his head imperceptibly, sad eyes flicking to your thigh before settling back on your dejected face. “Some of those look fairly recent, MC.” He tried to blink back his tears. How could he not have known? Where was he when you had needed his help?

“It’s not a big deal, I-” You paused and sighed, rolling to look up at the ceiling. Avoiding his gaze, afraid of his judgement, or maybe afraid of seeing disgust on in those normally caring eyes.

However, a sniffle and a hiccup made you turn to Yoosung in alarm, the sight of tears now rolling down his cheeks prompting you to sit up and move closer to him. “Why are you crying, Yoosung?” Your voice lilted higher in panic; you took his hand in yours, distressed.

Yoosung didn’t understand. He couldn’t fathom any reason for you to be hurt, let alone find a reason to hurt yourself. How long had you felt this way? He let out a choked sob, unable to stand the thought of you suffering. Gently, he squeezed your hands and pressed them to his cheeks. He looked at you with wet eyes, a glimmer attributed not to his tears but instead to a familiar spark of determination in them as he spoke his next words.

“MC, you deserve love and kindness. I… The next time you feel this way, I want you to talk to me. Please, MC. Promise me. I can’t stand the thought of-” He broke off with another meek sniffle, looking down at your trembling hands.

“I’ll try, Yoosung.” you whispered, resting your head on his shoulder.

“That’s all I ask, MC. I want to be there for you,” he murmured back, trying to slow his breaths. He didn’t want to cry, he wanted to be strong for you. To protect you like he wished he could have. Even if some of the scars had appeared years before you had walked into his life, he wanted to be the one to help them heal and fade a little bit in the future. He couldn’t make them disappear, and he couldn’t change the past, but he promised both himself and you that he would do whatever it took to ensure you didn’t feel like you’d have to do it again.

And suddenly, he realized that meant guiding you in a way that made you believe in your own worth. To surround you with love so genuine you couldn’t help but let it seep into your heart and allow you to feel it for yourself.

“You are so strong, MC. I love you, you are worth so much in this world. So much to me. And you deserve to believe it too, MC.”

“I… I want to try and believe that, Yoosung. I really do,” your voice trailed off with quiet trepidation. He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off. “I will, I promise. Try, that is. But on one condition-” Yoosung sucked in a breath, wondering what cost would have to be paid for an act he now realized would be extremely difficult for you. You gave him a reassuring smile. “Yoosung, I want you to be honest with me, too. I want you to tell me when you’re hurting, too.”

He blinked, tilting his head to look at you. “What do you mean?”

“Rika.” You paused at the name, gauging his reaction. “Mint Eye. School. I know that LOLOL is good, it’s fun, it brings you together with friends. But Yoosung, don’t you think… sometimes you use it to escape the pain you’re dealing with? Here?” You pressed your palm to his heart.

He looked into your clear eyes. The ache in his chest that he usually ignored and hadn’t felt in a while throbbed, a silent reminder. There you went again. His sweet MC always thinking about his well being before your own.

“I promise, MC.” he said fervently, heart warming at the sight of your smile.

He pulled you into his arms then, and you let out a giggle as he snuggled you into the bed. He fluttered kisses onto your skin, everywhere he could reach. He laced his fingers with yours, slowly bringing your hands to your hip. He was tentative when he kissed the fingers of his other hand before pressing them to the scars, but your soft breath and bittersweet smile let him know that it was okay.

The light of the screen dimmed, long forgotten as you murmured to each other soft I love you’s before slipping into a comfortable silence that led to sleep.

---

Yoosung understand a little better now. Even though it was painful to think about, he could connect with the blame and self-doubt that sometimes threatened to swallow you. It was also different, now, though, as you both tried to open up and be comfortable with the idea of relying on support, on accepting tender hearted words of care and love.

Yoosung looked over at you, typing away in the RFA chatroom, untroubled. You each had your own battles to fight, but you never had to endure the hurt alone, and when a large rush of gratitude washed over him, Yoosung  couldn’t help but wrap his arms tightly around you and pull you into a firm, cozy hug. You laughed and playfully swatted his arm, accepting his kiss nonetheless, eyes shining.

“I love you, MC.”

Dreaming

Yoosung Kim x Reader | ☁️ + 🌠 | 1.9k

Yoosung found himself stuck within another one of his darker dreams. After a long night of playing LOLOL, he thought he’d be able escape the troubles of his life and get a dreamless night of rest.

Sadly, it didn’t seem to be the case.

Surrounded by darkness, he whimpered as the sadness oppressed all his other feelings.

“Yoosung!”

The sound of Rika’s voice echoed around him, making him alert.

“Rika? Where are you?” he called back.

“Yoosung!“

He ran towards the direction he thought the voice was coming from. His surroundings stayed the same darkness, giving him no sign that he was heading anywhere.

“Rika!” he screamed. “Rika, where are you?”

There was heavy fog in the distance, creeping towards him and Yoosung was momentarily blinded. When he was able to see again, he was standing outside a small playground with a figure out a girl sitting on the swing set. He could see her (H/C) hair in the faint moonlight that shone down.

Confused, he moved towards her.

“Hello?” he called out quietly.

You turned around, (E/C) eyes meeting purple ones. A faint smile appeared on your face.

“Yoosung,” you breathed out. “Are you okay?”

He blinked, not sure who you were. “I think so... where am I?”

“This is my favourite place to come and think when life gets too busy,” you explained. “Do you not like it? I can change it!”

“You... can change it?” Yoosung echoed, confused.

You nodded, gently swinging on the swing set. “How do you think you escaped the darkness?” Glancing up at the moon, you seemed deep in thought. “Come join me, Yoosung.”

The blonde haired boy slowly approached, sitting adjacent to you. His purple eyes watched you carefully, as you slowed your swinging to a stop.

“How do you know my name?”

You turned your head, tilting it slightly as you looked at him.

“I notice things,” you vaguely replied. “I attend SKY University as well.”

You stood up, taking a few steps forward before turning back around to look at Yoosung.

“I should get going. You stay here and relax.”

“You’re going?” Yoosung was tempted to stand up as well, but the look in your (E/C) eyes, the pleading one, kept him in place.

“You seemed pretty distressed about this ‘Rika’ person. I’m sorry I can’t be more help. Just... calm your mind here. Tomorrow will be a better day.”

You were ready to head off when Yoosung’s voice broke the silence once more.

“Wait! Your name! I didn’t catch your name...”

"(Y/N).”

With that you disappeared into the mist in the distance, vanishing from Yoosung’s consciousness.

This encounter was unexpected, but not unwelcome to the blonde boy. Yoosung let your name echo in his head before saying it out loud while looked up at the full moon.

“(Y/N)...”

When Yoosung woke up the next morning, he could taste the faint lingering of his dream. He couldn’t remember the details as the dream slipped away from him like sand between his fingers, but one thing stuck with him.

(Y/N).

He couldn’t understand what that name meant, but he clung onto it.

Perhaps there was meaning behind it that he couldn’t figure out at the moment.

“Yoosung!”

The gamer spun around trying to find out where Rika’s voice was coming from. Instead of the darkness this time, he was in the backyard where he use to play with Sally, Rika’s dog. Instead of the warm light that he used to preserve the memory in, the backyard held an eerie, haunting aura.

“Yoosung!”

There was desperation tainting Rika’s usual cheerful tone, making the blonde worry. Before he could do anything, a thick fog passed by and once it was gone, a familiar looking moonlit playground scene appeared before him.

“Are you okay, Yoosung?”

Your voice caught Yoosung’s attention as he spun around to see you.

“(Y/N)...” he breathed out on reflex. “You’re back again.”

You nodded, awkwardly rubbed your arm, fingers tugging at your (F/C) hoodie. Walking past him, you moved towards the swing set and took your seat.

Yoosung quickly followed, taking a seat next to you.

The two of you sat in silence for a bit, basking in the moonlight. 

“I noticed you were starting to have another nightmare,” you finally admitted. “Are you okay?”

The repetition of this question made Yoosung waver. He rarely opened up to anyone - include his friends on the messenger. Despite not knowing you, he felt like he could trust you.

“I... I don’t know.” He confessed, voice breaking slightly. “I keep telling everyone I’m fine, but after Rika’s death, nothing feels right. I feel like I should have done something. I didn’t even know she was depressed.”

“It’s okay to cry,” you whispered.

The tears wavering in Yoosung’s purple eyes began to fall. The tough façade he had been trying to maintain fell away as he broke down before you. Heartbroken, he let everything go.

Feeling bad, you got up and kneeled in front of the boy. Hesitantly, you reached out and wrapped your arms around his shaking frame, letting him cry on your shoulder.

When Yoosung finally stopped, he sniffled and let you back away.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbled, looking down.

“It’s fine, Yoosung.” You glanced off into the distance with a sigh. “I wish I could stay, but I should get going. I know its hard, but smile, okay? You look best with a smile on your face, I’m sure Rika would agree.”

With that, you vanished into the fog, leaving Yoosung on the swing again. Your kindness, your words, your actions... Yoosung hoped he wouldn’t forget you when he woke up again.

Tears stained his pillow and Yoosung groaned as the sunlight reached his face. Closing his eyes, a flicker of his dream flashed by and he tried to hold onto it. Why were dreams so hard to remember?

The third time Yoosung saw you in his dreams, he was initially standing near a cliff. Not sure what was going on, he looked around. A hand was grasping onto the edge of the cliff, clinging onto it for dear life

Panicking, he rushed over to help. Grabbing the hand, he was able to see a girl with (E/C) eyes and (H/C) hair. Instantly, he was able to name who this was - (Y/N).

“Yoosung!” you cried out, trying to hang onto him. “Please, help!”

He grasped onto you, trying to pull you up.

“I won’t let go,” he promised. “Just hang on!”

You nodded, clinging onto him with all your strength. Fear flashed within Yoosung the moment he felt your hand slipping. He couldn’t drop you!

Fog filled his vision as your hand slipped away and Yoosung screamed.

“(Y/N)!”

He felt a gentle hand brush against his shoulder and flinched. Turning around, Yoosung spotted you, safe. Relieved, he threw his arms around you.

“You’re okay,” he whispered.

You closed your heavy eyelids and nodded while returning Yoosung’s embrace.

When Yoosung let you go, he noticed dark circles under your usually bright (E/C) eyes. He kept his hands on your shoulder as he analyzed you.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned.

You offered him a smile. “Just drained. Exam season means I need to drop by more dreams because everyone is stressed.”

Yoosung blinked as you tugged him over to sit on a bench, the cliff no longer there. Unlike all the other visits, this time you only bothered to create a bench.

“How do you do this?” he asked, watching you close your eyes and breathe.

“It’s called dream walking, I inherited it from my family. It’s an ability that lets me go into other people’s dreams and change them while I sleep. I lose rest whenever I do it though,” you explained. “You’re my last stop tonight. I want to make sure you get some rest before your finals start up.”

“You need rest too, (Y/N),” Yoosung protested. “What about your finals? How are you going to do them if you’re so tired?”

Your tired (E/C) eyes looked at Yoosung. “I can manage, Yoosung. I always do.”

The blonde frowned, then moved closer, pulling your head over to rest on his shoulder.

“Sleep,” he encouraged. “I’ll feel better if you get some rest.”

Too tired to have your guard up, you nodded, snuggling closer to him. His hand softly brushed over your hair, relaxing you. You were glad you left Yoosung until last - you didn’t have the heart to leave the boy. The fear of getting too close to Yoosung was the last thing on your mind now - you had already fallen and weren’t able to get back up.

After seeing you so tired, Yoosung made several attempts in finding you on campus. While his attempts weren’t successful, he bonded with you in his sleep.

Getting the opportunity to chat with you made him play LOLOL less as Seven pointed out. That was probably because he was making more attempts in getting sleep to see you.

You were an incredible person as Yoosung found out. Always encouraging him to do his best and supporting him... He really wished to meet you in real life.

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” you explained when he asked about it one day.

“You wouldn’t, there’s no way!”

“Haha, if you say so, Yoosung.”

“I do,” he protested. “I know you’re an amazing person, (Y/N)!”

Your smile faltered. “Yoosung, look... I like you. If I met you in real life, that would only make me hopeful.”

“Be hopeful then.”

Shocked, you looked up at him. His purple eyes were nothing but serious.

“Yoosung, you’re dreaming,” you pointed out. “I could be fake for all you know, a figment of your imagination.”

“You’re not,” Yoosung declared. “I know you exist, (Y/N), and I like you too. Let’s wake up and still be like in our dreams. I.. saw your playground today, the one you keep showing me. Let’s meet up there tomorrow. I want to meet you in real life and be with you.”

“Are you usually so bold?” you teased.

Yoosung flushed. “N-no. I just really want to meet you, (Y/N). It feels like you’re someone I’ve been waiting to find all this time.” 

Your heart was pounding as you answered him.

“Until we see again, Yoosung.”

Currently standing near the playground, Yoosung could hear his heart pounding nervously. You hadn’t accepted his request, but you didn’t deny him either. He held onto that hope.

Looking around, he didn’t spot any sign of you.

Moving to the empty swing set, he sat down and waited. You would show up. He knew it.

It had almost been an entire hour when he heard the soft sound of footsteps approaching. Looking up from his phone, he immediately recognized you as you brushed back a strand of your (H/C) hair behind your ear.

“Sorry if you waited long. My class just ended.”

Yoosung’s eyes widen as he soaked in your appearance. In awe, he abruptly stood up and hurried towards you.

Tossing his arms around you, he pulled you into a warm embrace.

“You’re here,” he murmured, relieved. “I’m not dreaming... You’re really here.”

“Seeing you feels like I’m dreaming though,” you mumbled, returning his hug.

“Keep dreaming then. Neither of us have to wake up.”

Mystic Messenger Part 9 - Saeran/Ray/Unknown Route

Yayyy! Ray/Unknown route!! Talking to Ray breaks my heart so much though💔 Any time you express the tiniest amount of consideration or care for him, he gets so touched. It makes me feel so sad that he has never experienced something so simple. It’s so sad that even though Rika is using him, he feels like he’s useful here. It’s so sad that he hates 707 so much.. It’s so sad that….I hope we can protect him properly in this route.

When he talked about the pot plant that somehow grew two stalks when it wasn’t meant to, and how there’s the stronger stalk and the weaker stalk, you immediately knew he saw himself and Seven in it. How Seven is the healthy one living happily because he discarded Ray the weaker one, and so as revenge, he broke off the stronger stalk to use it as fertiliser for the weaker one. That simple analogy really shows his attitude towards Seven. Why do these twins have to suffer so much…. It’s pretty heartbreaking getting Ray’s hearts, since with the RFA, it’s mostly words that would hurt V and 707 and when it’s with Ray himself, I feel like I’m constantly feeding his insecurities and his sadness, making him reliant and obsessed with the heroine. But I guess this might be the best way to try and save him right now. But really, it was so kind of Ray to not give the elixir to the heroine because he doesn’t want her to be hurt by the side effects like he does. I wanted to cry seeing how considerate he is and yet he could never experience that consideration from anyone else.

I hate seeing Seven sad.. his phone call when he got told by V to not chase the hacker anymore was so down :( He seemed so heartbroken.. I hope V works up the courage, the responsibility and understands the need this time to tell Seven about Saeran.

Sometimes I can’t help but think that Yoosung is such a brat though, he tells people that they don’t understand him but it’s not like he puts in effort to understand the other side either, so what right does he have to criticise them? I hated how he said because his parents gave birth and raised him that they should understand him better or whatever, he’s the one that’s clinging to Rika and not letting anyone change his thoughts. He’s the most stubborn one that won’t listen to anything and he’s ughhh. His mum is just really worried about him and he says stuff like that on the chat, sigh. He says he’s disappointed in his mother for not understanding that he doesn’t want to forget about Rika and that he wants to find the truth, but counselling doesn’t mean he’ll forget about Rika, it’ll just help him organise his feelings, the only one that can change whether he forgets about Rika or not is himself, not a counselor. Frankly, I’m super disappointed in Yoosung, not only is he super annoying about Rika, but he has no consideration for others because he gives it all to Rika. Usually, I’m able to empathise with Yoosung to a certain extent and just not agree with him, but this time I have to admit, I really don’t like him and am extremely disappointed in how he is dealing with this. I’m disappointed that he’s spent most of his life with his mother and yet HE can’t understand her feelings and thoughts about this. Now, I’m annoyed about his whining lol. Rant over. On another note, Zen is just like a caring but naggy older brother hahaha, he’s so kind, too bad Yoosung doesn’t always appreciate it.

I am so happy for Zen that he got a main character role though, that’s great!! Gotta say that I was laughing along with Zen when Jumin said he wanted to try cross stitching because it’s just so hard to imagine Jumin doing that lmaoo. Tbh, I’ve always empathised with Rika to a certain extent but whenever I see and think about how she’s using Saeran and torturing him to get her personal revenge against V, I can’t forgive her and probably never will just because of how innocent and tormented Saeran has been all his life and yet she uses that and causes even more pain and torment to him physically and mentally! It’s absolutely disgusting and I just can’t bear to see Saeran suffer anymore! It hurts even more when Seven thinks that everything he’s doing is helping Saeran have a peaceful life when he’s actually suffering so much…

When V was talking about the daffodil that only withered more in sunlight and could only face the soil and take the nutrients from the flowers around it, I felt really sad… Daffodils are apparently Rika’s favourite flower..not that I really care for her but she’s important to saving Saeran since he’s so reliant on her.. I think the biggest mistake V made and continues to make in the routes is that he tries his best to save everyone by himself but he doesn’t realise that everyone is already hurting and that maybe, being hurt is better than knowing nothing and doing nothing. He also underestimated how difficult of a problem this was I guess and really should have let everyone else help him since it wasn’t just simply his and Rika’s problem anymore from the moment she dragged Saeran and other people into this.

It took some convincing but it’s true that in terms of dark energy, Yoosung is the one to teach that to Zen for his new character hahaha. It’s so funny when Yoosung starts talking all deep and poetic about the hopelessness in life for Zen to learn, tbh I relate a bit but it’s still lmao hahaha. Ray is so sweet for making a drink that looks and smells like that elixir for the heroine so that she won’t have to take the real thing and feel the pain from it. He’s already so busy enough and yet he’s caring about her so much.. Does he even sleep? I’m so worried about him..

OMG *SQUEALS* THE HEROINE KISSED HIM AND HE RAN AWAY!! He’s so adorable omg, I’m glad he’s starting to believe in the heroine more than Rika and that things might need to change, and that maybe he should leave this place. I’m so excited for a happy future and I’m so happy that the heroine is there for him but so mad that Rika is constantly manipulating him! Btw Elizabun the 3rd is the best, I can’t fault Zen for laughing so hard at Yoosung’s imitation of Jumin lolol. I mean, there was literally a phone call with Yoosung and he was talking about how pet bread is great and that croissants are popular but they leave crumbs across the table so you’ll have to constantly clean up its mess lmaooo. Save me, it’s so funny. It’s even more hilarious when Zen finally makes a breakthrough with his character on White and it’s so good that it’s making Yoosung scared hahaha!

As for Ray… It was expected that Saeran would appear considering the “cleansing” Rika did to him. Although he looks down on Ray’s personality and his tastes in the heroine, I think the fact that he thinks of the heroine as a toy to play with when he’s bored shows that despite their differences, there is some sort of feeling or affection Saeran has for the heroine. Omg… Those creepy Saeran emojis in the chatroom are so creepy!! They’re so scary! Scarier than the person himself lmao. But yeah, I’m scared for the heroine considering how crazy Saeran is. I absolutely hate Rika though, seeing Saeran scream for help from Seven pained my heart so much, I’m on the verge of crying. Just because Rika got hurt and is obsessed with revenge, she drags Saeran down with her, digging up all his negativity and trauma just to achieve her objective. She’s so disgusting and any kind of charity she’s done before does not cancel this out. Saeran’s suffered so much already and yet she has to continue tormenting him for her own personal benefit, it hurts so much to see Saeran like this. Please save him, Seven!! Saeran doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he’s just been manipulated into thinking that being “crazy” like this is the only way he can protect himself from others. I’m so mad that V hasn’t asked the others for help when it concerns them so much, especially Seven. He can’t solve everything by himself especially when Rika has her own army of believers! It isn’t just Rika that is involved, it’s Saeran too and he needs help!! Sigh. I’m so frustrated and sad that Saeran has to continue to suffer. And things are just getting worse because their prime minister father is on the hunt for them…

My heart is breaking so much… Saeran’s still treating the heroine as terrible as ever but Ray came back for a bit!! That means there’s definitely still hope! And despite everything, just like Rika said, I think that Saeran keeps the heroine there not just because he needs someone weak to show that he is a strong personality, but also because somewhere inside of him, even if he treats her like a toy, that’s how he’s showing his love for her. He loves her but he can’t believe in her love and so he can only treat her in this way to be close to her but also distance himself from her so that he won’t ever be hurt again. He loves her but is scared that he’ll get abandoned again, just like Saeyoung did to him when they were young. For Saeran, being abused by Rika or his mother was unbearable but still acceptable because they never abandoned him and that’s all he wants, someone that won’t dispose of him…. A part of him wants to believe in the heroine and that’s why I guess he’s doing all these things to kinda test whether she’ll stay with him no matter what.

I’m glad that the heroine got through to Saeran. Seeing him admit to his wrongs and apologise to the heroine that knew what he was thinking all this time… Knowing that despite all the depravity and hatred he shouted at her, he was the one he was truly shouting at, he was the one that was really hurt from all this, rather than the heroine. But the most saddening thing is that he thinks that the heroine only really cares about Ray and that she should live happily with him, when really, she loves Saeran himself and wants to protect all of him so there’s no way she only wants Ray! So, don’t disappear Saeran😢😢

I’m so proud that Zen told V to stop being so frustrating and thinking that everything has to be his responsibility! It is to an extent but blaming himself won’t get them anywhere! Seven is in trouble with his evil dad and V is still wallowing in where did things exactly go wrong! Best thing was when Zen said that the only person who can love Rika enough and correctly is herself. In the end, even if V loved her the “correct” way, if Rika doesn’t believe it or accept it or think that she deserves it, it won’t work out. The only person responsible for Rika is Rika herself, the only person that could truly help her was herself. Sure, V might have been able to help her if he did things differently but there’s no guarantee considering how her thoughts were, so really, no matter what he does, things could still have ended up like this. So, get a grip on yourself V and save Seven and Saeran with everyone in the RFA now!

It’s so wonderful to see Saeran and the RFA communicate and co-cooperate to save Seven from their father that kidnapped him. It was so heartwarming and sweet to see Saeran capable of being so happy and surrounded by others. It’s also great that he can finally live back in the light now that their father’s evil schemes and stuff he’s done has been brought out to be seen by the public. I’m glad the heroine was able to save Saeran, I’m still so thankful and happy about that.. the only sad thing is that we never got to see where Seven is. But as Saeran says, the twins are both really strong people that have been able to survive in the most dire of situations, so I’m sure Seven is all right. As for V and Rika, didn’t think Rika would “come back” so easily but she did so, yay I guess? As long as she’s not tormenting people anymore, I’m glad lol.

Overall, I’m pretty satisfied with Ray/Saeran’s route, I just wished that I could see Saeran and Seven happy together since that’s what they’ve always wanted and what Seven worked hard for.. but as long as Saeran is happy, Seven would be happy so it’s all good haha. It was a long but eventful 10 days. So many things happened but it was a good journey. Felt like the heroine had less of a personality this time around but that’s cool, since it was all about Saeran and that’s mostly what I wanted haha.

Now, to update my most favourite to least favourite routes! It would be 707, Saeran, Zen, Jaehee, V, and then Yoosung and Jumin are probably around the same to me tbh lol. But yeah! Now we just have to hope for a Vanderwood route I guess haha! Although, a Rika route is probably more likely lol.

Heyo~ Its Stars Anon here ! Like I said yesterday, todays request is gonna be kind of an angst one (???) So, how would the RFA + V + Saeran help MC get out of an unwanted abusive relationship? Sorry if its a bit much but I crave angst mk. Anyways I hope you have a good day/night ! Be safe and stay positive ! (Lolol thats becoming my catchphrase i guess) -Stars Anon

Stars Anon, I like,,, really like this request. I don’t know why, but I got so excited when I read this. i think its cause i need to practice my angst so let’s go! (⌐■_■) look its a V emoji

thanks for the daily request! good night/day to you too, and stay safe as well!! (i think it is lol

this got hella long;;; EDIT: but i rly liked this one so..i took off the cut...whoops

 v and saeran are here!  [tw: violence, abuse, language, unhealthy relationships smh] 

zen

zen was highkey upset when they learned that mc was taken already

but as long as they were happy, well, he was too 

they did grow close, though! the two of them were good friends

zen actually met the person mc was dating 

they seemed nice and seemed to have a connection to mc

but he’d be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt a little

mc’s date mate kissed them in front of zen once and wow did that sting  

but one night, zen heard a knock on his door. and he was so confused because it was past midnight

he opened the door to find mc, crying and with a developing black eye 

automatically brought them inside and had them sit on the couch

“mc! are you alright? no, that was stupid, what happened? who hurt you?” 

they can’t answer through their tears at first so zen kneels in front of them and wipes them gently 

“take your time..i’m right here, mc. you can tell me anything”

they manage to choke out that their date mate hit them during a fight

zen was shocked. their date mate did that? they hit mc? 

what he wanted to do, was get up and punch mc’s date mate right then 

but he focused on mc first. pulled them into a hug and offered them to stay the night 

once they stopped crying, zen brought them an ice pack and some tea

zen told them they had to get out of that relationship, but mc refused at first 

“mc. they hit you.” “I know zen, but I can’t leave them..I shouldn’t even be here right now. oh my god, this is all my fault-”

“how is this your fault, mc? babe, you did nothing wrong.” “Don’t call me that! Please..don’t” they yelled that first part, which surprised zen 

he was about to ask, but there was a bang on his door 

mc yelped, sitting back on the couch. “they found me…” 

oh now zen is Angry. he opened the door and found mc’s date mate

“I know they’re in there! Give them back to me, right now. I wasn’t done with them.” mc is shaking in the back

zen, however, stood his ground. “how about you fuck off. mc isn’t going anywhere”

they punch zen (!) mc yelled out for him when they saw him stumble back 

zen is quick to recover though and punches them in return, harder. 

he manages to get them out of his house, but goes back to mc with a face worse than theirs

“zen! you shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry!” 

“they won’t bother you anymore, mc. you don’t have to apologize.”

“but-” “how about instead of apologizing, you stay with me instead?” “…i’d like that”

yoosung

yoosung was happy just having mc as a friend, at first

but then he developed a crush on them, which would’ve been fine and all, but they were already dating! 

he thought he was cursed for a few hours tbh 

unlike zen, yoosung never met mc’s date mate, but he’s heard stories 

mc smiles every time they tell those stories, so he tries to smile along with them, but it’s hard

and it was getting harder, but today was the day yoosung was supposed to meet mc’s date mate. he was going to go over to mc’s so they could all have lunch

when he got there, however, they were arguing.

“why do we have to have his kid over? I’m sure he just wants to get in your pants. And you’re gonna let him, aren’t you?” an unfamiliar voice. “of course not! yoosung is my friend..” mc’s voice 

“you don’t need friends! you’re dating me. I’m all you need, you whore” 

ok yoosung hates language like that, so he knocks on the door

mc’s date mate spoke again. “fuck off! you can’t have them, they’re mine.” “i’m sorry yoosung, maybe we can reschedule?” “reschedule my ass”..yoosung kind of lost his patience

he takes off his hair clip and picks the lock wow someone’s a badass

the door slams open and he can see mc flinch, but their date mate stands up

“mc is coming with me” and mc tries to go over to yoosung, but their date mate pulls them back over “take them from me, if you can” they smirk

yoosung knows that he probably can’t fight the person, but there’s something else he can do

no one is exactly sure how this happened, but now mc’s date mate is laid on the table, with yoosung holding them there 

“let me say this again. mc is coming with me.” “yeah, ok, sure dude.” 

yoosung lets them up and goes to take mc’s hand, but then the other person tackles yoosung instead

“yoosung!” mc yells out, running after the two of them, trying to get yoosung free

they eventually do get him off and mc slaps their date mate(ex date mate now) 

they run out and when they’re far enough, mc tells him that stuff like this has happened a lot..

yoosung hugged mc and kissed their forehead, “it’s over now, ill protect you”

jaehee

jaehee knew that mc was dating someone else, but that was fine, jaehee just wanted mc to be her friend, anyways. r u sure jaehee?

things were just fine! they all got along, everything was fine

until, out of nowhere, mc started hanging out with jaehee less

by now, they haven’t hung out with her in going on 2 weeks

jaehee gets a little worried, so she calls mc

and they pick up! but she can hear…sniffling?

“hey jaehee, sorry I haven’t been over lately” “I’m more worried about you, mc….is everything alright?” “oh, yeah! everything is ok, just..i don’t think i can hang out with you anymore, im so sorry-” 

and then mc hung up. well….that was weird

jaehee had a feeling there was probably more to this than mc let on

so she decided to head over to their place to check on them

but they weren’t there. their date mate’s house, then.

jaehee knocked on the door, mc’s date mate opened it and crossed their arms. 

“what do you want?” “is mc here?” “that’s none of your business” jaehee raised an eyebrow. “as their friend, it is a bit of my business…so they are here” “even if they were, you can’t see them.” 

jaehee takes a step forward, mc’s date mate doesn’t move. “mc?” she hears a little noise from inside. oh, they’re in there.

“you can’t keep them in here.” she says. “watch me.” they answer

“I won’t let you.” jaehee says, “i’d like to see you try.” they say in response

and then they spit on jaehee’s face

she wastes no time at all and literally flips them out on the ground outside. jaehee walks inside and picks up mc, leaving

they go back to jaehee’s apartment and she wraps mc in a blanket with hot chocolate 

“mc, love that person did not deserve you. and no one can keep you from doing whatever you like, okay? i’ll make sure of that now”

jumin

mc’s date mate showed up to the party

mc was talking to jumin while they walked up and pulled mc’s face over to kiss them

jumin found that both odd and unneeded, but he didn’t understand couples

he also found himself a bit…jealous? except he wouldn’t kiss mc that roughly in public..

so it was already off to a bad start 

things got really bad, however, when mc’s date mate decided to interrupt an rfa meeting at jumin’s penthouse

they made a ruckus. the guards were having trouble because it seemed like they were throwing a temper tantrum

mc stayed quiet when the others asked if they wanted their date mate to come in, so jumin decided to check it out

when he found mc’s date mate with his guards, they were drunk. it wasn’t even one in the afternoon. 

“you fuckers give mc back to me right now.” they said. “do you need them for something important?” he asked. “yeah, I need some sugar. now.” 

jumin han is…disgusted. and could only imagine how mc felt. 

“we’re in the middle of an important meeting. if you could wait for-” they cut him off. “i don’t wait! i’ll have mc whenever I damn well want mc.” 

and now, jumin han has a little brain click and he is angry

“hm. well, you can’t have mc at all anymore.” he tells the guards to take them outside, as well as one or two other things

but, of course, this drunk asshole decides to punch jumin first 

oh, now it’s only fair. jumin punches them back, and they are out. thanks alcohol

the guards are surprised, but he tells them he’s fine and to do what they’re told

he comes back into the meeting room, everyone but mc really surprised

*clears throat* “i’m afraid i ran into mc’s ex..but they’re taken care of”

707 / luciel / saeyoung

oh, this one knew about mc’s relationship alright

and he knew that their choice in significant others wasn’t the best 

he also knew that they needed to get out of that relationship asap 

but how to tell them that discretely?

turns out, he didn’t need to. 

he got a call from mc, which he answered right away 

“seven? can you give me a ride?…and stay on the phone with me?” “of course”

he put it on speaker, hopped into one of his babe cars, and started driving over to mc 

he heard their argument over the phone

“you’re not leaving, mc.” “yes I am! I’m done with you cheating on me! i’m done with you acting like you’re sorry about it and then doing it again!” 

saeyoung was proud of them for that

“but, babe…you know i love you, i couldn’t live without you. i’m nothing without you.”  mc made a sound, one that sounded like they were believing that

“that’s bullshit, mc. and you know that. i’m almost there.” he said 

“don’t listen to that stupid redhead, mc. i’m in love with you…you’ve helped me with so much..i’m getting better, love”

saeyoung was two minutes away. “i…seven, hurry” 

he pushed the gas harder. “be walking outside.” 

he could tell mc was doing what he said, they were moving. “let go of me!” they yelled, presumably because that ass was holding them back.

seven pulled up, got out of the car, and took mc’s bag, using it to hit their arm off of mc. “watch your back, okay?” was all he said before taking mc with him

when they drove off, saeyoung took mc’s hand again. “thank you for calling me..” they sighed, wiping a tear away. “i knew you could take care of me..”

Therapy/Counselling Diary #11 Final (Plus some tiddly bits of trying oh yeahhh!! ^^)

My hands are so frozen ahhhh it’s so cold uuugh @A@ *sits on hands for 5 hours and loses all feeling in them* wow so heartless my hands are oof-

Hmm... alrighty, this week’s appointment was my laaaast. Feels... idk man. On one hand I feel like some pressure has been lifted but I actually was kinda getting used to going, was getting a little comfy even lol and on the other hand I feel like some more pressure just came and took its place. It feels weird, like everything just shifted into how it was before I went, except now I have the power of... knowledge..?! And a smidgen more bravery I guess... I hope... don’t wimp out already! O^O It’s all on me now!! I have to take the wheel and steer it to victory! *crashes straight into ditch* 

Welp on the day I actually ended up going 1 hour early by accident because I assumed it’d be the same time as the other days but it was 1 hour later than those lolol, it was no big deal, just shopped around a lil with my sis and mum and then went back, aaand on time (unlike what it would’ve been if my app really was 1 hour earlier lol what a relief) hoh!

She came and got me, greeted me and we went up to the room talking about the weather or something small as usual. I didn’t pull out those sheets from last week yet, I was a lil hesitant since I think she was going through some of the other stuff on her desk and I kinda thought maybe I’d filled in some of it wrong or badly, but there’s no such thing..! I actually did all those sheets the same day I wrote the previous post hehe, or well, at least 80% of them and then finished em off the day before the app, yay! No leaving till the very last-ish! :D

She told me similar stuff to last time about how far I’d come since she first met me, she told me I was like a deer in headlights or something along those lines, timid and unsure and so on, but now was able to express myself better and even got better at stuff like making eye contact more. It was nice to receive the praise she gave and to be assured that I had actually improved some ^^ I know my family has been noticing my efforts and the general mood at home has been a little more chipper, it’s feels so much nicer and motivating c:

We went and looked at this goal sheet she filled in for me near the beginning where my goals were things like ‘to be myself around others’ and I rescored them all lower than they were originally, I didn’t lie and make out like I magically improved, I just went with what I felt and it was right and anyways it was definitely better than previous. This sheet is probably just for her record but showed me I had gotten much closer to my goals and could probably reach them so long as I continue trying.

She asked me again what I am planning to do once I am left to my own devices and we discussed the volunteering/getting work experience stuff again and she tried recommending me this site which could possibly be helpful but tbh it really didn’t seem that great and even she kind struggled to navigate to relevant stuff on it. Her field is not in employment and volunteering and stuff though so although the resource wasn’t the best, it was nice to know a little more at least. I was kinda dying a little inside and this took up a big chunk of the session, she advised me to contact this volunteer organisation and set up an appointment, I feel kinda idk iffy about it, I don’t want to avoid but I feel like maybe I’ll check around for other stuff first. I mean she can’t check on me no mores, but I shouldn’t chicken out or forget this advice because it is important.

I uh, I plucked up the courage and whipped out those sheets I did from last week and I read over them to her and she agreed on a lot of the stuff I wrote (things like how am I different, how did I achieve this behaviour/feeling etc.) and I accidentally left one of the things blank but she helped me fill it in and add to a few that I got a lil confused on lol. I was told to keep these sheets for my own reference. There was a sheet on relapse and relapse prevention I filled in also, reading this in future can probably help me clear my head and get back on track along with the other stuff I guess, though I hope I won’t veer off track in the first place you know ^^”

There was this bit where she thanked me, i can’t remember the exact reason or wording but it was probably for attending and for trying and for opening up to her and I also thanked her back and I kept wondering should I offer her a hug or something but I didn’t wanna be awks or overstep any boundaries. She offered me a handshake with both her hands around mine and said something like ‘this is how we do it here’ or something to do with being professional and then I super felt like I shouldn’t bring up the hug thing cause it’ll be too much lol .__. but who knows... Idk I wimped out on it, but it was something silly I guess, though because I didn’t try, I won’t know how it would’ve gone and it’s too late now, oh welp. Anyways she sees and helps so many people, the time period with each person is short, it’s no biggie, no need to get overly personal and attached I guess. I’m just glad that I got across that I was thankful and super appreciative of her help and that’s enough.

Instead in my efforts to sort of redeem my courage, I thought I’d ask her why she became a mental health nurse even though I was afraid that I might sound nosey, but I was genuinely curious and was assuming it would be something nice and motivational and so I went ahead and asked. She explained her mother was also one and she was always around and felt she wanted to help people too and so she did or something along those lines. I kind of knew it would be something like this, but it is nice to hear and heartwarming all the same. Conversation goes two ways of course too, it was good practice to try and ask things about others. 

There was a time in the past where I wanted to be a counsellor (or special learning tutor), my motivation was to help people like myself, so they wouldn’t have to struggle or feel the way I do. As you can tell, I didn’t get there, but it’s okay, because goals change and motivations change, there still some time to go and aim for new and maybe some other past goals too!

I met back up with my sis and mum and I was a lil sulky cause I didn’t get to go to this shop I was planning to go to lol but I was dying of hunger so going home and eating before I passed out was the ideal option anyways. I actually went back out again with my sister some time later that day and went to the shop I wanted to go and some others and went to the supermarket too ^^ 

Oh, this was after I went to my regular docs app where the doc was super super nice as always and he prescribed a super low low dosage of an anti-depressant as advised by the neurology specialist I saw last time. I’ve only taken it a few days so I am unsure about it’s effect or well, it’s probably too early to say much about it, but I think it does help somewhat? I feel less pained in my head when I wake up, though this could also be because I’ve been drinking water when I awaken too, you know, dehydration causes headaches. I feel pretty foggy rn though @^@ Probably just my oversleeping though. I’m glad I take it at night so even if it does make me feel sleepy, it doesn’t matter lol. Haha oh yeah, that new habit app I have been kinda using, I keep forgetting to check it and tick off the things I’ve done lol >_<”

Whoa my memory is so bad, idk if I should write some more of this week’s stuff of to leave it to next week, or will I have forgotten it then hmm... I’ll just write it briefly I guess. There were lots of times where I had things I needed to sort out but kinda just delayed them but the past few days I just went ahead and emailed and phoned and live chatted and got them almost all sorted out. I got a lil confused at times, but just tried my best with writing and asking things and it went fine. If you don’t try you don’t know, nothing ventured nothing gained! Oh and I baked a bit more stuff too! Omnomnom! :3

There’s still a lot of things I have to sort out and I’m feeling all sorts of stressed and frustrated about it, but I’ll get there, I can do it! Calmly collect your thoughts but don’t overthink, just go go go! No matter what the outcome is, you tried and you learned something new! Okay, Imma go do the stuff!

Have a great evening! Try your best! Oh, and awkward hugs for everybody haha! C:

replies

because many and long and thorough:

danjaley replied to your photo “A single glance sufficed for Alvar to see he would have a hard time...”

I like this thought. And it links Alvar and Tobio on yet another level.

In future updates we shall learn how their relationship developed after that first sexual encounter, but I thought I’d already leave this hinting at their paths, that is really so different between themselves. 

danjaley replied to your photoset “There lay a peculiar emptiness to the closet, though. Tobio’s clothes...”

Oh dear, this really is a large bottle of wine! ;)

And it’s a particularly beautiful one, right, @aroundthesims

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photo “The outbreak of war had interrupted the normal and predictable career...”

I like this so much. Fire always makes beautiful effects. And the background! I'm looking forward to see more of your WW I recreations.

It is so atmospheric, I agree. One can feel the ambient just because of the image of the fire pit. It must be our ancestral collective memories.

As for the WWI, this is when the steampunk accent creeps in... There is virtually nothing specific to recreate the war, so it will be more on the side of fantasy and imagination than recreation...

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photoset “There lay a peculiar emptiness to the closet, though. Tobio’s clothes...”

What a luxurious bedroom.

Oh, Alvar think it is so middling class, so constraining in its humbleness... But it did take a lot work to build this set!

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photo “Alvar had then ventured into yet another room of his friend’s house...”

Alvar still looks kinda hot...

Poor Alvar. He would never think of himself as hot -- did people use that term back then? --, and not in his lame post-war persona anyways... But I agree with you, he still looks fit and his partial nudity in contrast with the formal attire is kinda hot!

hyperkaos replied to your photo “The outbreak of war had interrupted the normal and predictable career...”

I keep coming back to see if you've added more to this, it intrigues me as to how it ties into everything else

And it took only a few days... Sorry to keep you waiting. I hope it makes more sense now.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Tobio?” Alvar inquired, in a voice that suddenly sounded not just...”

Oh hi!!! I remember you from 'beneath the stairs!' lolol x

And what stairs are we talking about? Because Alvar has been carrying Apollo Jim since the margins of the river, up those incredible stone stairs where Death tried to dissuade and distract him :)

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Tobio!” He exhaled the name more than called it, and finally seemed...”

I love the blend also @tyrellsimsoficeandfire

I simply cannot imagine my game without the Greek outfits made @venusprincess-simblr, even if I am not playing the Greco-roman world any longer, so I always make up reasons to use them... :)

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Where do I place him, Tobio?” It could have been said that he...”

What are the scars on his face from? Crazy experiments? Acid attack? He wants to be a super-villain?

Poor Tobio. He is super nothing, except perhaps super lonely, super devastated, super sad. 

I don’t think I have described the ambush that cost his eye, have I? Then I should!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “With a sharp sting across his chest, Alvar deposed Apollo Jim on the...”

I love the description of Alv's perception of death by the window. Beautiful!

Thank you! I’m glad you like it!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Tobio could tell why, but he wanted to listen it from Alvar. Lost Boys...”

Weeds on the soil of wealth. Wow. Your writing is masterful!

Writing is like bathing in a river that springs from yourself. You just pick the right words as they float by you.

But when I am not in the process of actually writing words down, I wonder... Did I really write that?

Thank you always for your support!

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photo “They hadn’t seen each other in nearly a decade. Freddie’s occasional...”

I always like the atmosphere your shots hsbe6. One can really feel the warmth and intimacy! Also, do I spot danjaley's fireside poses?

I don’t think I remember her poses, but I probably should... These poses are actually from two guys cuddling next to a car, on the floor of a parking lot... Not the least like this scene, actually! But when I saw it I knew it was just right for Alvar and his cousin Freddie.

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photo “Probably feeling guilty in his irresponsible repose, in dreams – where...”

I'm curious if there's some reason why they are associated with greece?

It’s the ideal time, in the understanding and idealization of the Victorian era, for their love otherwise condemned and forbidden, called then the Greek Love... I have explained it in this post, and declarations-of-drama has a comment below that adds to this, too, if you want to read my answer to it.

danjaley replied to your photo “I understand it, Alvie.” Alvar’s name in Frederic’s mouth was little...”

I was going to say they have these characteristic WW1 faces, but I've come to realize it must be the style rather than the faces, when I compare them with the Greek versions. That's interesting, as I always wonder where those types disappear to when they go out of fashion - or how we'd all look if the year was 1917...

Thank you for mentioning this! It’s very interesting isn’t it?

I did make a post with my inspirations to create the characters for LoSSS. I f look closely to their faces, they are timeless male beauties, considering Western and Classical Greek standards... And they do resemble contemporary male models or actors of our days. It’s their hairstyles and clothes and the photography of course that makes them dated, like you say.

Just like sometimes I meet Italian people who do look like a Roman marble statue come to life...

hyperkaos replied to your photo “Dreaming was all they had had for a while to keep their love thriving...”

So young, so willing to give up everything for hopes and dreams, for love, Alvar's innocence hurts

Yes, that is Alvar, at his purest in the company of the man of his life!

fancifults3cc reblogged your photo and added:

Oh no! A crime of passion!

Oh, I would say this is a crime against passion, Alvar and Freddie’s passion!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “You already have, Lord Phallihurst.” Tobio affirmed, after having...”

So, something mixed with the Absinthe?

This is what we know or are led to believe so far. Maybe Tobio  will find out more.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Tobio could tell why, but he wanted to listen it from Alvar. Lost Boys...”

I also had to come back to this chapter to read your description again of the brothels. I've done a bit of reading about these places before now and am sort of a bit fascinated by the whole logistics of how those places conducted business and the lives of the workers etc etc. You paint a very graphic image of it.

I admit to not having researched extensively on this subject, other than reading about brothels and a little about sexuality and pornography in Victorian times -- though this is supposedly Edwardian times (or the end of it) in the story, and then WWI and the changes it brought... I’m happy you did not find any inconsistencies, but please do let me know if you spot any! 

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “The boy stood clearly not for a sailor, though the hat could have been...”

But why would he be wearing a false tattoo? Roleplay? To be seen as a sailor boy I guess?

The tattoo matches the strange outfit, though not so strange for a rent boy who is supposed to fulfill his clients’ fantasies... 

The plots holds several small mysteries, and this is one of them...

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “I don’t think I understand it, Alvar Andrew. You don’t intend to...”

Why is there so much concern for this boy? I'm a bit lost here.

I hope this has been answered in this post, though it is left ambiguous and rather open as Alvar does not utter a word, leaving Tobio to conclude...

I  shall have to be more explicit in the future about the link between Alvar and the boy.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “You are taking him to your ancestral lands? To live under the same...”

Good question! And Tobio has probably seen too many to be as bothered about him tbh

Exactly, that’s what he says, too! And the next post to this holds the revelation...

declarations-of-drama reblogged your photo and added:

Art against art…

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Not proud.  Not the least, not Alvar.  Not for any past weaknesses,...”

This is amazingly beautiful! The contrast really catches my eye and it's almost hard to distinguish the Sim from the painting! Well done!!! x

Thank you so much for the reblog, and your kind words, dear!

I did play a lot with this scene. I tried several choices of paintings, and different poses for Alvar, and changed the colors on the wallpaper until it matched and still contrasted with Alvar’s skin.

I’m hardly ever satisfied with lighting in Sims 3, and that the part I try to correct in PS.

I’m so glad you liked the final result, and the one shot I chose to upload from the dozen I made :)

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “But still, quite accomplished.  As if again turned into thorn flesh,...”

Alvar should also have phantom pains, and boils would come and go to accompany the intrusion of a false support. Also he would probably call it his stump and not his amputated leg (which is by now probably lost, burned or used in medical science).

I did not reflect about this, thinking an amputated leg was both what remained and what was removed... But you are right saying that sometimes the specific word is stump... I’ll have to rewrite this, and pay more attention from now on!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “His temples throbbed, too, as if his heart, oscillating between...”

Why do I get the feeling that Alv wants to be one of Tob's patients himself? Was it Tobio who took his leg?

Alvar is one of Tobio’s patients! But no, Tobio did not operate Alvar’s leg -- though that is maybe a good idea...

declarations-of-drama replied to your photoset “There lay a peculiar emptiness to the closet, though. Tobio’s clothes...”

Oh! That explains a lot!

I often hesitate about making longer posts, but sometimes it’s just what it’s needed to get the whole perspective, right?

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Alvar walked slowly towards the armchair next to the rack of clothes,...”

Disliking women totally, as in sexually? I often wonder about things like this, such as the levels of bi-sexuality in us and how people must have coped when they were married etc in those days

I will develop this theme in the story, both from Alvar’s and Tobio’s perspectives!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “From the beginning of his life – love life, sentimental life, intimate...”

I watched Troy the other night and then spent around 4 hours reading up on Greek Antiquity. It was fascinating! I'm guessing this is what Alvar with his cousin is resonating of a pedarasty relationship? Like was a required part of Greek Noble youth? It was all so fascinating to learn!

Greece was not an united nation back then, so this was mostly and Athenian thing. Pederasty, as I mentioned in this post , was not just acceptable but often a desirable thing as a rite of passage. It usually involved a wider age gap than this existing in the story, with Alvar submitting to Freddie or Tobio, that are not actually old enough to be the erastes. But I’m no expert in such matters and am writing a story, not a treaty. So you are right to mention Troy, a good movie despite all the Hollywoodian peccadilloes and hypocrisy, and the love between Achilles and Patroclus, which was not the same as in pederasty, since they were practically the same age, and not Athenians.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “The outbreak of war had interrupted the normal and predictable career...”

A story within a story. This should be interesting! I wonder where Freddy is now? Time for Dinner! These chapters made me HUNGRY!!! lol

This is usually how I write. Stories within stories, and plenty of flashbacks, and flashbacks withing flashbacks... Like in a mosaic, or a kaleidoscope.

Freddie is dead, like it’s been said before.

And I hope you had a good dinner!

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photo “Not proud.  Not the least, not Alvar.  Not for any past weaknesses,...”

I had the same though when seeing. @andantezen always does amazing artworks.

Thank you dear, it’s always a much needed encouragement to know that!

lifeasasim replied to your photoset “There lay a peculiar emptiness to the closet, though. Tobio’s clothes...”

Look at that room ;_;

Haha, the detail is intended to say things about the characters, that’s why I have troubled myself and gone this far...

lifeasasim replied to your photo “Probably feeling guilty in his irresponsible repose, in dreams – where...”

Gosh, this is so beautiful!

Thank you dear!

The only difference between a good day and a bad day, is you.    2-3-19

“Ego is just like dust in the eyes. Without clearing the dust, we can’t see anything clearly, so clear the ego and see the world.” - Anonymous And life really is just a series of opportunities to get over yourself. It's my food for thought for this last week. Two different times this week my stress level was high enough to relieve my mind of rational thought, even for a brief moment in time. The first little snippet was toward the beginning of the week. It manifested as a highly intimate form of frustrated tension, which was handled in a manner suited for the situation. Lol The second and probably more important time was the other evening and lasted overnight. My mind is still kind of reeling as I try to articulate my thoughts to words. One of my sons is in trouble again. It happened, like I said, the other day. I don't know much except he's in Kansas and one of the charges is some type of assault on law enforcement.  Granted, there is probably way more to the story. I'm not going to start bad mouthing cops, but most of you already know how I feel. They do shit all the time to bring on more, and/ or escalate things, ( if you've never been on either side, then you really don't have a valid argument, to me at least, inside here especially because I fucking have seen it happen too many times to count), but . . . Regardless of all that, rightness or exaggeratedness, it's on him. He put himself back in this kind of situation. I'm at an impasse now and tough love is about all I can afford anyone anyway. The other help I gave him, whether he was sincere about or not (which I believe he whole-heartedly was at the time), is mostly lost. I don't have any new money to help if I was willing to again. I will always feel some responsibility for how the lives of my adult children turned out, but I have come to realize that just because I share in the responsibility doesn't necessarily mean that I get to share in the solution. Mind you, it's not from lack of trying. This whole thing took a minute to accept. It's definitely a hard truth to swallow. Maybe, just maybe it really is something he's going to have to find on his own. As much pain as that answer causes me, my ego has to let go of the notion that "I am in the problem, so I need to be in the answer". In other words, my . . .guilt, I suppose could be hindering him. Could have been hindering his progression this whole time. I may never know, not really. All I know for sure is that his actions hold consequences the universe will see him through. I just hope my attempts weren't completely in vain. I hope, at the very least, I planted some seeds in that mind of his that will grow large enough to push out some of that nonsense. At the very least, he's safe, alive, and not using drugs while he's in there. Whatever is meant to happen next will happen, therefore, here I sit, helpless, but accepting of the situation as best I can. This still doesn't constitute a bad day for me. I am sure it is or was for him though. I still don't really ever have "bad" days, not really. I mean bad times for me are transitional now. What little bit of negativity occurs in my day to days, still doesn't make for a bad day. Believe me, I have seen bad days. I have lived through many of them and nothing I have been through in the last several years even comes close. Maybe its because my focus is more refined these days. Like, I see what I am supposed to see, finally and with that, it's easier to feel where I am. Darkness can't last forever unless you're dead. I imagine laying down for the night, in a pitch black room, silent and peaceful, then Bamm! The brightest, sharpest direct beam of sunlight to enter the Earth's atmosphere finds its way through a crack in your blinds right into your eyes. It hurts for a minute. It's more than a little uncomfortable. Now choose; Roll over grunting and groaning pulling the blanket over your head to find your way back into the darkness or rub your eyes to an open position, stretch it out, and rip open those blinds to a glorious sunfilled, beautiful world. The perspective ball is in your court. Be miserable if you want to. For me, I've seen both, felt both. I love the light now that I have taken it in. The darkness is still ok mind you, but only in intricate and delicate doses, and definitely not to take up permanent residence in. Moving forward. Now being at the head of this table sometimes means making tough decisions. Holding onto finances so as not to negatively affect other loved ones, etc. The line has to be drawn somewhere, sometime. I still have so much to do, not in like, an overwhelming way either. But enough to know that any more of it, and I'll put myself in a spot that won't be of any use to anyone, and that I may not be able to stay afloat. I didn't move all the way back here just to drown. Hell, I didn't move all the way back here just to tread water for that matter. I have set things in motion to have just enough comfort as I climb into position. I am at the cusp of that still being done. Too much one way or the other I could lose that too. This is me holding on, holding it down, and being persistent. Failing isn't even in my M.O. any more. Gratitude is still becoming, for me anyways. Because I know where I've been, and where I come from. Even my bad days aren't really bad days anymore, remember? I know people think I'm exaggerating, but (knock on wood**as I knock on wood** lol) I don't ever really have bad days anymore. I get that I still could, but it's been a while for real. My changed perspective helps keep my gratitudes in focus. My "bad" days are more like good days with some uncomfortable situation or situations in them. Most of my days aren't even that far gone though. My life is amazing still. I doubt that will change any time soon. I mean, have you even seen my grandkids?? lolol I have too many reasons to be grateful and too much to be thankful for. I mean, I get to be in this day. With the life I lived before, how could I not feel grateful every single day. I wish I could share more than the words. I think if I had one wish it would be to share some of what I feel in my heart with everyone in the world. I sincerely feel like too many of you just don't get it. Remember to share the love and the laughter with the world around you and please, please be kind to one another. Keep my family in your thoughts as we work through our issues. Until next week; "There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things." - Niccolo Machiavelli

Shall we Date? Guard me, Sherlock! Part 4 - James Moriarty Route

I think out of all the guys, James is probably the most openly affectionate with how much he loves the heroine and is unafraid to show it. Knew he was rich but dangg, having his own train and getting her the lead role for a play to showcase on that train with other rich and powerful people? Wow. I like how the heroine is cool with it and says she won’t disappoint him since he’s done so much for her as her fan. Hope this route will be interesting. Wonder if Sherlock will appear much again since all she did was go to him for advice on whether she should board that train and jumping on with James last minute has already solidified the fact that this will be a fun journey hahaha.

I gotta agree with the heroine, James is definitely charismatic, he’s got the right amount of humour and maturity balance that alongside Mycroft, them two are the ones I’m most interested in. I mean, they’re easy to talk to and are funny haha. I’ve never really liked pink as a colour but I guess I can kinda understand the heroine in saying that pink is a colour that makes you feel warm. Light pink is a soft and nice colour~ just like James, I’m more of a journey/process person than the end goal. It’s better when the journey is fun~ James has good taste, blue roses are definitely the most beautiful hahahah. The maths part isn’t my thing though lolol, so he perceives love as a formula where there’s a solution for everything and he loves to manipulate people hmmm, interesting. Just like the heroine, I’m curious about why Sebastian is so devoted to James that he doesn’t mind if he’s being manipulated though… I wonder why James is so interested in the heroine too.. he’s literally obsessed.

The heroine is right, James is kinda like an actor where he acts according to the situation and presents the most charismatic him that the audience wants to see except he’s not acting because that’s actually him. James definitely goes overboard with things like giving her new dresses to choose from every morning, renovating the dining car to a pink theme because she said she likes pink lol and then getting Jack and Sebastian to do the job hehehe, poor them. It’s a bit over the top but you can see his consideration for her feelings and that’s what matters I guess. Dangg, he so smoothly took the plunge and kissed her, it was like a confession and romantic gesture in one! So adorable that Sebastian is so good at cards with his poker face and he is ruthless against James even though he’s so loyal and lenient with him most of the time hahaha.

Omgg when he ate the heroine’s strawberry that she was leaving for last! I know her pain so well! I’m just like her, I like to leave the best for last as well hahaha. I wouldn’t know what to do if my partner was a criminal, that would be so difficult of a situation to handle. Kinda sad to see Sherlock trying to deny the heroine’s feelings because he doesn’t hope for her to like James but it’s too lateee. I’m glad that she could finally voice her concerns and fears in regards to a relationship with James and how she’d be really sad if their relationship only lasted whilst they were on the train even if she won’t regret it but it was nice to see him sincerely reassure her that he wants to be with her forever. I wonder if James thinks of himself as a hollow man since he is so fond of a few lines in the heroine’s play but despite that, attaining the heroine’s affections trumps everything? Hahaha I dunno.

Did James use the heroine to steal a painting off that guy? I mean, I trust James’ feelings for the heroine but it doesn’t change the fact that if he got her on this train to succeed in his plan… That could potentially be a deal breaker. I like that the heroine has a good memory and is smart enough to deduce that the painting might not have been stolen when he found out about it, but instead actually when previously the guy left his room and James furnished the dining car as an elaborate ruse. It was obvious but also saddening to be confirmed. She finally has the courage to ask whether James is M! She’s a really strong girl. M is his symbol of freedom… I kinda like how dramatic this route is, it has a completely different feel from Sherlock and John. It’s nice to know how importantly he regards the heroine before he disappeared though, Sherlock is really too reckless though to actually sacrifice himself just to do in James. He’s a detective, not the police!

It must be so hard for Sebastian, especially when the heroine told him that James thought of him as his other half and he replied saying how is he supposed to live now without this other half? I like that even though the heroine became quite irrational when she thought James died, she still stood her ground when he came back that she will change him into a good guy that won’t commit crimes anymore. Loll at Sherlock saying that he’s stubborn like her so he’ll make her turn to him instead of James haha. It’s kinda cute how different John and Sebastian display their relief of Sherlock and James being alive respectively. John’s was really funny though since he finally snapped at how inconsiderate Sherlock was for just appearing again without any apology or anything when they were all so concerned. Whereas Sebastian only said welcome home but you could really feel how much concern and relief there was in that simple line and in his eyes. They both have good relationships haha.

I can’t help but agree that the heroine is the detective that will defeat James in the end by being a good influence on him hahaha. I love how crazily extravagant everything is when it comes to James and them lol but the buttercream cake for James’ birthday was very sweet of Sebastian considering his personality, but I guess it would be like him since he cherishes James and the memories they share. Blue roses mean ‘attaining the impossible’ because it was a dream for rose enthusiasts but was impossible until it could be genetically engineered by people. Now I’m starting to like blue roses even more than I already do😊 I think the love they shared in this route was dramatic and very much like a rollercoaster love of your dreams with a bad guy but it was nice in its own way and I really enjoyed it. It was mostly because of James character, it's hard to not like him hahaha.