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xbunnybunz · 3 years

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Jealousy [Lelouch x Reader]

Summary: You love Zero, Lelouch loves you. Lelouch is Zero, and you are none the wiser.

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Date: August 10, 2014

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“S-sir?

A meek voice echoed through the storage room, seeking the leader of the black knights.

Lelouch blinked from behind his mask and looked away from some paperwork, wondering who had confronted him. Could it possibly be...? Yes. Of course it was.

There you stood, fiddling with your hair and cheeks tinged pink, avoiding eye contact with your leader. Yes, as much as Lelouch had tried to convince you otherwise, you had become a member of the Black Knights. ‘The problem is that Lelouch had tried to tell her, and not “Zero”’ Lelouch thought, aggravated. Lelouch recalled a particularly bad day in school; his identity was almost revealed by a mere cat, and after he had expended his energy into chasing the rotten animal, he nearly fell off of the school roof. So when you told him about your intention to join the Black Knights, he was anything but happy. Perhaps he had taken it a tad too far, because he could still remember how bitterly you had reacted after he told you to “get a hold of yourself;” that “a dangerous job like being a Black Knight was not meant for delusional fangirls like yourself.” Looking back now, he wished he had just taken his anger elsewhere. “What do you know about me, Lelouch?” You snarled, stepping away from him. “Just because you knew me since childhood doesn't mean that you can judge my feelings toward Zero! You have no right to call me delusional-” “-Yes I do!” Lelouch narrowed his violet eyes, glaring a hole into your skull, “How can you say you love him if you've never even met him before? You’re risking your life for someone who will reject your feelings!” He watched as you froze and cast your eyes downward, red flooded your cheeks. “Yeah, Lelouch, is that what you think? That he's going to reject my feelings?” You ask, looking up at him, eyes shining with sorrow. “Well, that’s alright. He wouldn’t be the first time I was rejected, right?” Lelouch’s eyes widened slightly in disbelief; were you still hung up about that? "I'll be going now." You say, turning away from him. He wanted to reach out and stop you, but he didn't. He couldn't. He could lead an army and take down several nightmares with a single command, but he didn’t have the fortitude to stop a girl from leaving a room. Pathetic. Footsteps. Door. "Click." Then silence. Lelouch heaved a small sigh behind his mask and turned his body to face you. "What is it, soldier?" You winced at his words and shifted uncomfortably, pink turning to red on your cheeks "W-well, sir, I've been wondering about something..." Lelouch's purple eyes watched your face turn varying shades of red, scowling. Why didn't you act this way around him at school? Why did you blush and fidget in front of him now, when he was under a different name and a different life? Was the normal Lelouch missing something?! No… You had done this, but not anymore. Lelouch was touched. You had fallen for him twice, if that wasn’t love, then he didn’t know what was. Regrettably, he couldn’t accept your feelings, especially not here- not with this side of him. "Uhm..." You diverted your gaze from him, instead deciding to stare at an empty crate. "I've been wondering why you call me 'soldier' all the time, sir." Lelouch raised an eyebrow, which you couldn't see, of course. "Are implying that you not one of my loyal soldiers?" You quickly scrambled to defend yourself, "N-no sir! It's just that... That you call the other Black Knights by their real names, and- and-" You bit your lip and looked down at your shoes, feeling quite stupid for bringing up such a mundane question. "I'm sorry, sir. Never mind." Your cheeks were lit aflame. You were talking to Zero one-on-one at last, but you had only made a fool of yourself. Why would he call you soldier? Because you were a soldier, of course! Such idiotic questions... What kind of answer were you anticipating? "And you?" You blinked stupidly, taken by surprise. "Huh? Me?" Zero continued, standing up and leaning against a large crate next to him. "Why do you call me 'sir,' and not Zero?" He recalled how you said Zero's name in his presence at school. You spoke it with awe, respect, and sometimes, to his chagrin: love. The name "Zero" never failed to pull compliments and praises from your lips- and although Lelouch should have been feeling pretty darn good about that- dammit all! That was not how it was supposed to be! You were supposed to love him, Lelouch! Not his alter-ego! He watched as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, tempting him to claim those lips as his. How long has he been waiting for a kiss from you? A week? A month? A year? Goodness, who knew? He lost count a long time ago. Ever since he had declinced your romantic advancements in school, he found himself getting interested in you as well- a bit more than he was comfortable with. However, as anyone who was rejected would do, you were slowly getting over Lelouch. Unfortunately for the boy, your confesion had only ignited his interest in you- and it was swallowing him whole. What had caused your fondness of him? Why would you approach him about such a trivial topic? You couldn’t have found out about his true identity, right? At first, it was just these factual questions; nothing that would harm anyone. But in due time, he began wondering how you would react in certain situations. What would she do if I told her that I liked her as well? How would she react if I hugged her? Held her hand? Kissed her? Soon, he found himself thinking of you whenever he was able to; whether it be in class, while doing his homework, or during Student Council meetings. His curiosity had developed into a near obsession- or dare he say, an attraction. Lelouch had managed to suppress thoughts of you while he was with the Black Knights, and thank goodness for that. He couldn’t imagine the chaos that would ensue if you managed to worm your way into his mind, then. But now… There you stood, twiddling your fingers and chewing your goddamn lip in front of him. Lelouch couldn’t deny it. He wanted you, and he always got what he wanted… Just not like this. He didn’t want it like this. He couldn’t have you interferring with his plans to destroy Britannia, and he definitely didn’t want you to love Zero. In order to prevent any kind of intimacy between you and his alter-ego, he began referring to you as “soldier” instead of by your name. But damn it all to hell if it worked, because it didn’t. Each time he called you “soldier”and you called him “sir,” the tension between you two would double, and triple, and exponentially rise, driving him to the brink of absolute madness. You distanced yourself from Lelouch at school, and he knew that you were trying your best not to make things awkward between the two of you- he knew that you were trying to move on, but the more you pulled away from him, the less he wanted to let go. What was there to move on from, if he loved you back? Before he had a chance to recalculate his relationship with you, you had managed to slip out of his grasp… And right back in. Unbeknownst to you, you had fallen head-over heels for the same person twice. But this time, oh, this time, it was so much stronger. Your feelings of love, admiration and respect had mixed into one unidentifiable goop of emotion that was directed toward the leader of the Black Knights. And as if the world wasn't enough of a paradox, Lelouch found himself jealous of… Himself. His geass couldn’t help him here. He had sat down one day, completely weighed down by your flurry of emotions as well as his own. He was desperate for the tensions between you two to stop, and although he was ashamed of it now, he had written out a list of commands he could use to make you love him, and not Zero. Of course, it was in vain. He was Zero, and Zero was him. They were one and the same person, no matter how much Lelouch wished it wasn’t true. A single command would either make you hate Lelouch and Zero, or worse- love both at the same time. In the past month, Lelouch’s jumbled thoughts brewed faster and faster inside of his mind, whipping up into a horrible storm, and he had no one else to blame but you. What in the hell had you done to him? “That-” You say, yanking him out of his exasperating thoughts, “That would be inappropriate.” Lelouch took a moment to recollect his thoughts. Oh, right. He had asked you a question. “Tell me,” He said, his voice coming out raspily from behind his mask, “What makes you think that calling me ‘Zero’ would be inappropriate?” “W-well,” You stuttered, “I’ve only known you for a year, sir.” “A lot of things aren’t necessarily appropriate, are they?” Lelouch asked, ignoring your answer, “Because of their morals, humans cage themselves into a dead end. Wouldn't it be easier to forget them all and break free?” Break free… “I guess so…” You mumble, looking at your shoes modestly. “_______,” Lelouch tasted your name on his tongue, enjoying the sweet, yet acerbic taste it left in his mouth, “You say you’ve known me, Zero, for a year, correct?” You answered, surprised that he even knew your name. “Yes, sir- Erm, Zero…” You blushed upon saying the name, much to Lelouch’s distaste. He ignored it. That’s all that he could do, for now. Suddenly, you heard a loud “BAM!” The sound was harsh, and it grated upon your ears, echoing within the closed space that both Zero and you had occupied. You flinched and closed your eyes, preparing for the worst. When nothing came, you pried your eyes open, stunned to see one of Zero’s arms against the wall next to you, caging your body with his. With his other hand, he calmly pressed a button on the side of his mask. You stood, bewildered and astonished as you heard the whirring of gears, signalling the retraction of the back of his mask. “Z-Zero- what are you-!” “Humor me, _______.” He cut you off, “Is one year enough time to fall in love?” Because I've known you my whole life... “O-one year… One year can do a lot…” You gulped, watching as Zero adjusted his mask to show his mouth. “Then, hell.” He whispered, leaning into your lips, “I must be completely infatuated.”

#code geass #fanfiction #lelouch x reader #code geass x reader #old content

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rivendellsstuff · 3 years

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𝐂𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞.

𝐂𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | ❝Slowly, she was collapsed and sheathed inside his heart — and that was the beginning and the end of everything for Levi Ackerman.❞

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2590;

𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: Mentions of canon-typical violence. Inspired by Arwen Undómiel's speech in “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring'' and the song ''Can’t help falling in love'' by Elvis.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Hi! English is not my native language, so if you spot a misspelled word or anything else, feel free to let me know. I plan to look for someone to help me with proofreading because I feel like I leave a lot behind. I hope I can find help to continue publishing these short stories!

────── ▎Levi Ackerman still remembers the feeling when he realized that he loved her.

He knew, he simply knew, that nothing would ever be the same again. This love came suddenly, without warning, and was born inside him in silence, destroying all the countless walls he had built over the years.

The rational and critical part of his brain is always trying to convince him to drown that feeling because nothing good can result from love in those days. So, for a long time, Levi tried to act as if it didn't hurt — how bad hiding what he felt hurt his mind. The fact was: he always lost the people he loved. The fear of losing another person, of seeing them turn into a memory, never terrified him as much as it did now. He didn't want to lose her too.

So, he wonders what the hell he should do. Over the past few months, Levi has always kept her back and that was the nature of their relationship. Levi's understanding of her had always been instinctive, based on a single fact: they were perfect opposites and, in a way, perfect counterweights. But then, he looked at her in a million different ways and loved her in each of them — as a soldier, as a partner, as a friend, as a lover.

Suddenly, humanity's strongest soldier, the one who had brought down countless titans and people who performed evil deeds beyond human comprehension, was unarmed and vulnerable. Slowly, she was collapsed and sheathed inside his heart — and that was the beginning and the end of everything for Levi Ackerman.

The first time Levi Ackerman realized how much he loved her occurred the night before the operation to retake Wall Maria. It was evening, and it was raining - a fine, murmuring autumnal drizzle. The weather was comfortable. Not so hot and not so cold, but just right. Even so, Levi Ackerman was not feeling well. His body was begging for rest and his mind for comfort, but he could not afford to lie down like everyone else. In the stillness, his thoughts were constantly interrupted by the image of the soldiers and friends he had lost over the years, thrown to the ground and covered in his own blood, and this made Levi feel dizzy and sick.

His shoulders were down, his head hung down, and his body was slightly bent over the documents on his desk. Beside him was a long-empty cup of tea. It was the shadow of the great Levi Ackerman. It was simpler than humanity's strongest soldier, but at the same time it was empty and incomplete. Ironic. He had always boasted of being cool, of not caring about trivialities, and of keeping himself intact as a captain, and now he was nothing but a decaying shadow of the infamous Levi Ackerman.

And so, the first few hours of that night passed. So much was happening all at once. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to clear his mind and stand firm, as he always should.

He sighed. Levi left the pile of documents meticulously organized on the table, picked up the empty cup, and stood up. His eyes grew accustomed easily to the darkness, the only sound was of an old clock at the end of the hall and his footsteps on the old linoleum floor.

「flashback」

Levi liked to think he lived long enough to understand that one can never escape his true nature. Such is Historia's destiny, and she is finally crowned as Queen before a large and enthusiastic crowd. The people remember seeing the Queen protect them from a Titan and admire her for standing up to her father.

A smart move, Levi thought.

Standing next to Erwin and Hange, he thinks of his mother. Of Isabel, who cannot be the heroine she was meant to be. He thinks of Furlan and his resilience. He thinks of all the people he has lost over the years, especially those who failed to become what they were meant to be.

''Hey'', Mikasa's voice was low, but it was enough to get the captain's attention.

Up to that point, Levi had not greeted any of his squadron members, although he knew that many were with unasked questions hanging on their tongues. Political issues occupied most of his time. The words were not spoken, but duly were there, at some point; all praise and words of gratitude for his team.

And Levi looked at her, grave tenderness in his eyes turned to Mikasa, and yet, even if she had not been raised among men of war, she was someone many could not overcome in battle. She approached the girl with hair as black as raven wings and whispered something in her ear, to which Mikasa thanked her with a small smile. In those days, it was rare to see anyone smile.

Her dress, which was a deep green with white flower embroidery and golden arabesques on the sleeves, shimmered in the faint wind that afternoon. Levi thinks that she looks so beautiful with the sunlight in her hair.

He interrupts his thought suddenly, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

And, as if sensing that she is being watched, she raises her eyes from Mikasa to the captain. He thinks that she is going to raise one of her eyebrows or simply keep the conversation with Mikasa. But then she did something that surprised him even more. She smiled. At him.

He feels his cheeks burn.

''You are staring, shorty'', said Hange, amused, following his gaze.

''Tch, shut up.''

It was just a smile, but Levi couldn't forget it for the rest of the ceremony.

He thought that the true beauty of the place belonged to her.

「 flashback's end」

Damn, he thinks. That smile.

The smell of tea berries and wet earth overwhelm him. Outside, the rain was falling hard as he brewed another cup of tea. He sipped the warm, clear liquid, allowing the noise made by his lips as he sucked the drink to ring out loud. He smiled, amazed that she didn't like the drink. This was the first more human demonstration he had had in a long, long time.

It was during a sleepless night like that, months ago, when they could finally be in each other's presence, just them. It was... easy to talk. Maybe it was because of the tea, the sound of her laughter, or none of those two things. Maybe just her and her way of looking beyond him as nothing but.... Levi. Just Levi.

Levi grew up poor and alone in a place where he was taught to hate every bit of it with a burning passion, he understands a thing or two about injustice and hate even before Kenny decides to teach him how to fight. He loved his mother with every fiber of his being. He loved his friends. When they died, Levi felt like he was dying with them; but that feeling? It was a different kind of love. He had never loved anything, or anyone like her.

Get out of my head, woman.

He took a deep breath and decided to put those thoughts aside once again. After finishing the tea, he put the cup away and headed back to his room.

He stopped himself momentarily when he noticed the door ajar on his right.

And there she was, dressed in a silver and blue dress, in a polished wooden chair by the window, whose light westerly wind blew through and made her hair flutter. To him, it seemed that starlight was in her eyes.

Levi was silent for a second and then sighed. There was nothing to be said now that they were there, preparing to reclaim the lost lands and waiting for answers.

But when she let out a deep sigh of pain, he slammed his knuckles against the door. She raised her eyes to him, feeling her throat go dry, and immediately leaned back, pulling her eyebrows together in confusion.

''Captain,'' she said, but signs of weariness and pain could not be hidden in her gently voice.

"Are you hurt?" asked the superior, taking her by surprise.

"Except for a few bruises, I'm fine'', She said, gesturing for him to come in. "Can't sleep?"

Levi studied her from top to bottom, paying attention to her body language and any sign of injury. There were two scars on her hands. She tried to cover them with the sleeve of her dress.

''I rarely get any sleep, so the person who should be asking this question is me,'' he said, and although he was glad to see her, worry ran through his chest.

She smiled.

"Fair enough''

Frustration tightened his voice a bit, but she thought it was incredibly appealing when he said: ''You never respond the way people expect you to.''

Levi approached and stopped beside the window. The beautiful weather and the calm seemed a mere mockery to the men before the most dreadful mission of their lives.

"I'm sorry," she says sincerely. ''Just a stupid accident during training...and I can't sleep,'' she admitted. ''Nightmares. They've been recurring since we faced the female titan. I think my brain is malfunctioning.''

''It's ok you have hard times.''

She took a deep breath and then inhaled slowly. It had been a long time since they had shared moments like that; and she had always loved his company infinitely, even though she had never shown it in words.

The thoughts began to surge like a burst of fireworks, making loud noises, disappearing and reappearing. Instinctively, she pressed one hand against the other, but the twinge of pain almost made her curse. He didn't miss that.

''You should bandage this to prevent an infection'' he says.

She let her hands slide to the sides of her body.

''Yeah, you're probably right.''

"Do you have any medical kits around here?''

Her expression wavers for a while, as if she is thinking about it. Then she turns and opens one of the bags left beside the bed. Levi has approached her as she begins to rummage through the material.

''Here, let me do that,'' he said.

「flashback」

The horses pranced and neighed, startled, when a group of titans was spotted. The maneuvering equipment tinkled as the wires were released. The sight of those creatures was terrifying, but the battlefield had already become a part of their lives, and Survey Corps was willing to fight.

Above, a sunless sky, muffled by heavy clouds. Levi could hear roars and screams all around, the sharp, distinctive thud of the clash of blades against the back of the titans' heads. There were bloodied bodies, some without limbs and with pieces strewn across the surrounding ground.

Then, time seemed to freeze.

The titan's giant hand withdrew and a terrible howl resound across the battlefield.

The titan screamed again, but the fury of the guttural howl was nothing compared to what the captain felt as he investigated the still face of (Y/N). For the hundredth of a second it took his mind to assimilate the events, Levi was struck by horror. He stood motionless; he simply found himself gripping the blades and looking at her. Suddenly, his muscles were contracted by the urgency, the will, the urge to hurt him. This wild need, echoing in his ears like a broken record, obscured his mind.

With an immense bang, several blows struck the titan.

As the creature felt motionless to the ground, Levi ran to it, whose face was as white as a lobelia and as cold as frost.

He didn't know how deeply he was entwined with her until they tried to take her away from him

「 flashback's end」

Levi listened attentively to everything she said, as she was also attentive to the gentle, careful way in which he touched her.

''I hope you won't use this to bribe me, Ackerman.''

He rolls his eyes.

''Maybe I'll take Sasha's food and say it was you.''

''That's the biggest threat I've ever heard in my entire life,'' she says eventually.

A strange flutter in his stomach threatened a smile on his face.

"Maybe it makes you let to be a brat"

She takes a long breath.

"I'll let her kill me and then you'll be sorry"

"Don't be so dramatic", he says. "By the way, I'll never let anyone hurt you as long I live."

She is speechless. Her heart starts to beat faster than she thought it could, and all her body was filled with a so good feel. She couldn't explain exactly what is, but there was anyway.

Levi doesn't look at her face again. And then, the silence was back once again.

It was a difficult operation for the Captain; he touches her skin, heard her voice so close and quietly to him.

"It's done", Levi says.

She follows his eyes and saw her own hands. He still was holding them.

"I appreciate that."

He looks at her.

You're so fucking beautiful.

Levi runs his thumb over her fingers tenderly.

A crow screams at the top of its lungs in the distance, and she almost cringes. Levi ignores him and, longing for her starry eyes again, brings her hand to his lips and places a soft kiss on his skin.

"Are you afraid?" she whispers. Levi could feel the goosebumps that her touch gave him. ''Sometimes, I feel as if we are going to discover something eviler than the titans themselves.''

The wind blows angrily, making her hair fly.

''There are few things that make me afraid. This is not one of them.''

Losing you is, he thinks.

Inside his chest, the sound of his racing heartbeat is loud enough for him to hear. His heart pulses melodiously, pumping blood and sending some to his cheeks.

"Besides, this must be the first time I've heard you say you're afraid," he says, braiding invisible lines on the back of his hands. "Maybe you're sick. Let's examine it before it devours your brain entirely.

"I can't tell if you're joking or not."

He laughs lightly, and she thinks how nice it is when he does that. Levi's face is always so stern, so cold when they are around others. It's like it's a secret that only she knows.

Suddenly, Levi thinks about what it would feel like to kiss her.

"You should try to rest now", he whispers, looking away.

He starts to walk to the door.

It was in this exact moment he wished to have been able to tell her all those things in his mind.

"Wait!"

He turns back to her.

"What is?"

While Levi said, she holds his cheeks with her palms.

"Stay", she whispers. "Just a little longer"

Levi feels his heart beating faster than he thought it could, and all of his body was filled with that desire again.

Their lips touch in a chaste and last kiss for barely a second.

Levi holds her hands close to his heart. His tongue traces her bottom lips, brushes against the edge of her teeth before mingling with hers. It was kind, as it could say all those things on his heart.

When their lips step back, he says: "For as long as you wish"

#aot x reader #attack on titan imagine #attack on titan fanfiction #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman imagine #levi ackerman fluff

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sxypigeon · 3 years

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Shepard is done with everyone's bullshit

Chapter 2 of An Extra Extended Ending

Summary: Because I hated the ending of the third Mass Effect game so much, I made my own with black jack and hookers. FemShep x Liara with damn near every character is the third game making an appearance.

Chapter 1

***

“How long until communications can reach beyond Sol?”

“It’s unclear,” the asari comm technician said hesitantly; the hum of the ship's electronics seemed to grow in the silence. “Quantum communication seems to be unsalvageable. That just leaves the Sol relay, but our latest reports indicate it sustained damage from the firing of the crucible.”

Sparatus sighed heavily and closed his eyes; this was a hollow victory until he knew the fate of Palaven. “Is there anyone working on it now?”

“No, sir. Those reports only came in minutes ago.”

“What about the team working on the crucible?” Tevos asked. “The brightest minds in the galaxy would have the best chance of fixing it – the sooner the better.” The asari councilor paced around a circular display in the middle of the CIC of the Destiny Ascension looking every bit as impatient as her turian colleague.

“They may be able to, but there is another group we would be foolish to ignore,” Valern muttered quietly, staring at the three dimensional screen, watching the number of surviving ships increase slowly as communication was reestablished ship-by-ship.

“What are you . . .” A look of alarm crossed Sparatus’ face. “No,” the turian said stiffly as he pushed himself away from the display.

“Is it really that terrifying of an idea? It’s only a matter of time before the geth come back online. If we act soon, we may be able to keep our alliance with them intact, maybe even strengthen it.” The salarian folded his arms across his chest and eyed Sparatus intently.

He narrowed his eyes. “Or they may turn on us the moment they realize they have nothing more to gain from our alliance. It’s one thing to cooperate when there is no choice, but what would be their incentive now?”

Valern shook his head condescendingly. “The geth are not as shortsighted as you think.” He brought up the pre-fight fleet numbers. “If even a fraction of their troops survived, it would be in their best interest to repair the relays,” he stated firmly, pointing at the image. “They value knowledge above all else and what better source is there than the relays?”

“This isn’t the first time we’ve come in contact with an AI species. There is too much at risk,” Tevos said quietly from across the room. “If we act quickly-”

“We’ll what? Destroy all of the units in Sol?” Valern shouted over the asari councilor. “How many more do you think are out there? We’d be risking another war - one we are ill prepared for.”

“And you want to send them to work on the relay?! What happens when they acquire the knowledge they seek? What’s to stop them from using it against the rest of the galaxy?” Sparatus marched back to the display and brought up images of the Citadel attack nearly four years earlier. “This is what will happen. They have no use for organics. They made that abundantly clear!”

The salarian councilor shook his head in frustration. “We know how persuasive the Reapers can be and yet even after being attacked by the quarians and being on the verge of annihilating them, they agreed to a truce. These are not simple machines, Sparatus!”

“Why are you so convinced?” Tevos asked suspiciously. She walked slowly around the display toward him. “You were vocally against curing the genophage, why is this different?” She fixed on him with a penetrating stare. “What aren’t you telling us?”

Valern scoffed at the accusation. “I see I’m alone in my conviction. What more can I say to either of you?” With a last impatient glare at his colleagues, the salarian turned and strode from the room. “If not as an act of the Council, then as an act of the salarian people, the geth will be brought back online!” he called back as the door closed behind him.

A tense silence followed Valern and lingered long after he left. “Do we even know if any of the science team is still in Sol?” Sparatus asked quietly while bracing himself on the terminal in front of him.

“No, but we will know soon enough,” she said before sending out the call for help.

***

Spirits, it’s a miracle she survived, the head nurse thought as he wheeled the patient out of surgery. At least it’s a bit of good news . . . Sure could use a bit more, though.

A sea of medics split to allow the turian and human through the bustling ward. Endless lines of beds on either side of the walkway were filled with too many injured, too many that would not last the next twenty-four hours. That’s not- No, I can’t think like that. There’s too much to do to focus on something so trivial. You’re in charge of this ward, damn it! You have lives to save. . .

He squeezed the gurney between two others and began setting up IVs and monitoring equipment. I need to make my rounds soon. We should be getting another shipment of refugees from the Citadel soon- He froze and stared at the patient. She’s not supposed to be waking up yet! “Ma’am, can you hear me?” he asked, staring down at her.

The woman drowsily blinked for a moment before lifting her eyes and focusing on the turian . . . and letting out a sudden, terrified scream. “AHHHH!!!”

Damn it, not again. “Ma’am, it’s okay. You’re aboard the Destiny Ascension.” Another blood-curdling scream. “Ma’am, you’re safe! You were injured-”

“Hey! That’s enough!” Both quickly looked over to the next bed and saw the occupant giving them a stern glare. “I know turians are ugly, but you’re going to make the guy self-conscious if you keep up the screaming.”

The woman stared, gaping at the other patient, long enough for the nurse to inject a sedative into her IV. “There you go, ma’am. Just relax.” They watched tensely as the woman quickly sank bonelessly back into her pillow. Finally. I’m not going to live this down any time soon, he thought as other orderlies snickered as they passed.

“So, who do I need to talk to to get out of here?” the other patient asked after a moment.

“Myself,” he said as he finished setting up the sleeping woman’s monitoring equipment. “Is there somewhere you need to be?”

“I figured you could use another empty bed.”

“What I need is for my patients to recover sufficiently, regardless of how much they think otherwise.” He walked over to the patient and looked at her chart. Human female, numerous serious burns, deep puncture wound to the right side, three fractured ribs – well this just goes on and on. “How are you feeling, ma’am?”

“Fantastic,” she said dryly inspecting the bandages on her hands and arms. “The pain meds wore off a while ago – No! No, I’m not asking for more.”

“If you need them-”

The patient shook her head. “I’m okay. I just,” she paused for a moment and chose her words carefully, “I need to be doing something. I can’t just lay here and – and think. Just give me a once over before you make me stay . . . please.”

He recognized the quiet desperation in her voice and the pleading in her eyes. “Fine.” With a healthy amount of skepticism, the turian gently unwrapped the bandages on her left arm. That can’t be right- He checked the chart again. How the hell? Humans aren’t supposed to heal this quickly. This is more in line with a krogan . . . maybe even faster.

“It’s not pretty, but it’s still better than it was before,” she said quietly, examining the slightly inflamed skin.

“Remarkable is what it is.” He unbandaged the other arm and stared in numb disbelief. “There has to be some sort of mistake in your chart-”

“I think you’ll find my side is sufficiently healed as well.”

The nurse met her piercing stare before pulling back the blanket and lifting her hospital gown. Spirits . . . this is incredible, he thought after removing the gauze. “How is this possible? Even if you spent the last six hours in a vat of medi-gel, you wouldn’t be able to heal this quickly.”

“I’m not exactly a normal human.” The ward around them moved on, unaware of the medical anomaly the head nurse was observing. “So what do you think?” she asked hesitantly.

I think the galaxy needs to study you, but . . . you don’t belong in the ICU. “I can see no justification for keeping you here, but we’re going to need to get you fed and cleaned up before you can go anywhere.” He noted the change in her status in her chart, shaking his head in disbelief as he did. “I’ll send someone over with a meal.”

“Thank you.”

He turned to leave but stopped, hesitating a moment. “Ma’am . . . everything you’ve done – everyone you’ve saved . . . there aren’t words strong enough to convey the gratitude we – I feel toward you. Thank you, Commander.”

The soldier nodded numbly, not meeting his eyes.

But it never feels like enough, he thought sadly. Stay strong, Shepard. I fear we may need you now more than ever.

***

“-he’s going-”

“No, it’s-”

“Where-”

A sharp radiating pain drilled between the exhausted asari’s eyes as distant voices became clear. “It all looks fine, no permanent damage. You are cleared for duty.”

Dr. Chakwas, the med bay. . . the crash. . . Shepard. . .

“Liara? Can you hear me?”

With an enormous effort, she opened her eyes. “Yes,” she rasped out. Her throat was so dry.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not at all well.” She rolled onto her side trying to lessen the pain.

“This should help.”

Something wonderful flowed through her veins, dulling the agony. “Where are we?” she asked tentatively.

“Armstrong nebula, but beyond that no one is sure. They say the planet is habitable though, with a breathable atmosphere and a comfortable gravity.” She helped Liara sit up and handed her a bottle of water. “Finish this and then get some rest.”

She gulped it down gratefully as worry began to sink in. “Do you know what happened to us?”

“Not really,” the doctor admitted. “Whatever that energy field was, it left no physical trace other than several cases of acute epistaxis – nosebleed.” She handed Liara another bottle of water. “Your case was a bit worse, likely due to trying to help the engineers restart the core for over an hour with your biotics.”

Liara sighed tiredly, staring at the bottle, “Not that it did any good. Have we been able to reach anyone back in Sol?”

“I’m afraid not. Specialist Traynor thinks the quantum communication network is beyond repair. We will have to rely on the relays and hope someone is out there to hear us.” The doctor let her cheery façade slip for a moment, long enough to hint at the extent of the worry she was trying to hide. It slid back into place as Chakwas laid a hand on Liara’s shoulder. “Get some rest, I’ll wake you if anything changes.”

But will it ever? she thought as she stared up at the ceiling, feeling the numbing darkness pull her back under.

***

“This has got to be the most confusing hell-hole I’ve ever been to.”

“What’s so confusing about it, Mr. Vega?” Steve Cortez asked as he finished his lukewarm MRE.

“It’s not the layout or anything like that – it’s the people.” Vega pushed himself gingerly off the cot on the floor of a mostly intact office building and pulled the bottle of water from the shuttle pilot’s hands. “Thanks, Estaban. It’s like no one can tell what they’re supposed to be feeling,” he muttered, flexing his injured leg.

Cortez took back his water and scanned the area. Roughly five miles from where the beam had been in central London, a small outpost had been hastily established to tend to the injured. Understaffed and undersupplied, it was not a place of miraculous medical operations, but a last-ditch effort to save as many survivors as possible – including James Vega. “After months of hopelessness, there is plenty to be thankful for . . . and just as much to mourn for.”

“It just feels – shit, I don’t know. Maybe it’s all of that blood I lost on the trek over here, but this just feels wrong. Javik, what’s your read on the situation?”

The prothean did not move from his meditative stance across the room. “Your species celebrates prematurely and mourns before the heaviest of losses are counted.” He paused for a moment before bowing his head slightly, “But even with these flaws, it is your cycle that stopped the Reapers – whether for good or just temporarily. That is more than what can be said of my cycle.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Vega said tiredly. “Do you think – what set off the crucible?”

A sad smile pulled at Cortez’s lips, “Until I hear otherwise, I’m going to believe Shepard did.”

“I’m okay with that,” the lieutenant said as he laid back down. He was out within minutes.

“How is the human krogan?” Javik asked without moving.

Cortez rubbed his face roughly as he tried to shake the melancholy brought on by the thought of Shepard. “The medics think he’ll make it.”

“Good, our efforts dragging him here were not in vain,” the prothean said sternly. “Do not lose your determination – the fight may be over, but your people will need you and Vega.”

“That goes for you too, Javik. You’re one of us now. We aren’t about to forget what you’ve done to help us.”

Javik bowed his head in acknowledgement, but remained silent.

We’re going to need everyone, Cortez thought as he stared around the room at the other cots filled with injured soldiers. I just hope there’s enough of a galaxy left worth rebuilding.

***

“So what you’re saying is we’re screwed.”

“Not entirely,” Tali said hesitantly as Garrus and Williams stared up at the motionless mass effect core in despair. “What we’re saying is that it will take a while, a few weeks at least.”

“Assuming it’s fixable at all,” Williams said skeptically.

“I’m not saying it will be easy, Commander,” Adams said calmly, “but I think we’ll be able to get it up and running again.”

“That’s better than nothing,” Garrus offered.

Williams took a breath and nodded. “Okay, I’ll inform the crew,” she said before heading to the elevator.

“How is she doing?” Daniels asked as they all stared back at the core.

“She’s managing,” Garrus said quietly. “She still doesn’t know if she can fill the void Shepard left, but she knows she has to.”

“No one can replace Shepard, but that wasn’t ever the plan was it?” Tali asked.

“No, but it’s going to feel that way for a while – at least until we get a rhythm going,” Donnelly said. “Any luck with EDI?”

“Not yet.” Garrus headed toward the elevator. “I’ll let you know if we make contact with anyone. Let us know if there’s anything we can do topside.”

***

“Watch the right flank!” Grunt roared over the gunfire. He and his men were deep in the wards flushing out and dispatching Cerberus troops. “Take out that engineer!”

It was slow, grueling work. Street by street, building by building, the enemy was steadily falling back. They’d even managed to save a few civilians. It wasn’t their primary goal, but it did give him a sense of pride knowing he prevented someone’s death by causing another’s.

“Move up!” They were meeting fewer and fewer troops until recently, not that it bothered him. What worried him was the number of engineers they’d come across in this neighborhood. Something was brewing.

“Keep an eye out for explosives and turrets,” he growled as the last enemy fell. “Something doesn’t feel right.”

The squad moved carefully from the courtyard to the building interior. No resistance, no one at all. What are we missing? Cowards, where are you hiding?

“Let’s get out of here,” he ordered before they’d finished securing the building. “Double-time it!” This smells like a trap.

“What was that?!” one of his men yelled as the building shook violently.

Shooting out a window, Grunt bellowed, “Get out of the building NOW!” His men leaped from the window three stories up. The krogan commander followed and landed hard on the walkway below just as the building collapsed. “Those damn cowards,” he growled. “They’ll have to do better than that!”

***

I can’t wait to get off of this fucking ship. At least the food is decent – I am beyond sick of MREs. Jack checked her omni-tool for the fourth time in five minutes. What the hell is taking so long?

After arriving with an unconscious Shepard, she watched uneasily as her friend was wheeled away to surgery. The next hour was a blur of confusion, exhaustion, and anxiety. At some point she’d managed to sleep for a few hours. Now she was an irritable and short tempered ball of energy, desperate to get back to Earth and her kids.

“Keep that up and people will think you’re unbalanced,” a soft voice said behind her.

“Fuck you,” Jack said with a hint of relief. “I can’t believe they let you out. I mean – you still look like shit.”

“Thank you, Jack. You always know how to cheer me up.” Shepard sat next to the biotic with her protein bar and electrolyte drink. “What’s going on?”

“Who the fuck knows?” She stared at the table in front of her. “No communication outside of the system, Grunt is still securing the Citadel, still no word on my kids or the Normandy.”

“Earth?”

“Bits and pieces. Nothing yet on your boys in London.” She watched Shepard eat mechanically, stoic to the lack of information.

“I have to meet with the council and then after that, hopefully we can catch a shuttle back to London.”

“When’s the meeting?”

“Whenever I feel like it.”

About damn time you started telling those spineless fuckers where they can shove it. She stared at the softly glowing scars on her face and neck. Someone hasn’t been thinking happy thoughts. “So are we going to dick around here for a while to piss them off?”

She shook her head after she finished the last of the meal. “There are a few things I need to say before they start another victory tour. I’m going to need you there to keep me in check.”

A small snort of laughter escaped Jack, “You’re shitting me, right?”

Shepard stood and gave her a tight smile. “Let’s just say I’m a little short on patience at the moment.”

“Well, shit. I might have to film this.” She followed the commander with a sinister grin. “Let’s go make some councilors cry.”

***

“I don’t know what else there is to try,” Traynor said tiredly. “My expertise is on a smaller scale. I don’t know how to fix a comm problem on a galactic scale!”

Williams leaned on the terminal that had been Shepard’s in the CIC. “A galactic scale? What does that mean?”

The comms specialist ran her hands through her hair. “There are a couple of possibilities. First, we are the only survivors and that is why we haven’t reached anyone-”

“Let’s not go with that possibility.”

“Okay. Second, something is actively blocking our communications – natural or otherwise.”

“Reapers blocking communication,” the lieutenant commander said stoically.

“Or third, the mass relays are not functioning properly, due to damage or complete destruction.”

“From the crucible firing.” The CIC was silent as Williams contemplated the scenarios. “And none of these can be fixed while we’re stuck here.”

“No, ma’am.”

What are we supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?! Damn you, Shepard. It should be you here not me. “Let’s focus on the small scale then. What can we do to get the Normandy space worthy again?”

Traynor stared at the nonfunctional galaxy map as she bit her lip. “There are still several systems that haven’t come online that should have by now. There’s the exterior damage and then there’s EDI.”

“What’s the status of EDI?”

“Completely unresponsive.”

“Shit,” Williams muttered. “Do we have any idea how to get her back up?”

Traynor was silent for a moment. “I have a few ideas, but I’m not sure if they’d do any good. When Dr. T’Soni feels up to it, I’d like to get her input.”

“She was still passed out in the med bay last I checked.” She closed her eyes and let out a long breath. “Do what you can to bring up the other systems – keep me updated.”

***

“How are you holding up?”

Joker looked away from the foliage surrounding the cockpit and saw Garrus approaching. “Great,” he said sarcastically. “Crashed the ship, cracked four ribs, and my girlfriend might be dead. How about you?”

“I’m alive, that’s more than I expected to be honest.” He dropped into the seat next to the pilot. “In large part thanks to you.”

The pilot looked away. “Yeah don’t get too gushy yet. We may have to start calling this place home even if we can get the Normandy off the ground.”

“If that’s the case,” Williams said as she approached, “then I think our first priority should be finding something growing out there that can be distilled before we run out of liquor.”

“Good to know we’re on the same page,” Garrus chuckled. “I don’t suppose we know if what’s growing out there is levo- or dextro-amino based.”

“If we distill it enough it shouldn’t matter,” Joker said, staring back out at the jungle. “No protein in pure ethanol.”

Williams shared a concerned look with Garrus before speaking behind the pilot’s chair. “I’ve been talking to Traynor – she has some ideas on how to bring EDI back. Once Liara is up and about she and Traynor can start working on her.”

Joker continued staring out of the window as if he didn’t hear her. “Okay,” he finally said quietly.

***

Finally, Tevos thought as Shepard stepped through the open door. She looks much better, but are her scars glowing? “Shepard, we were beginning to worry. Who is your companion?”

The Spectre stood at parade rest in front of the asari while her comrade remained near the door. “Jack, this is the council. Councilors Tevos and Sparatus, meet Jack – a teacher at Grissom Academy. She’s here to . . . keep an eye on me while I’m recovering.”

A snort of laughter escaped the other human as she folded her arms across her chest. Shepard always did keep strange company.

“May I inquire where the salarian councilor is?” Shepard asked soberly.

“Valern has decided he would be more comfortable aboard a salarian ship,” Sparatus said stiffly. “That is part of why we needed to speak with you.”

Tevos activated the display at the center of the room showing an image of the Sol relay, it’s rings fractured and stationary. “It would seem the relays were damaged when the crucible fired. We have many of the crucible scientists working to repair it, but there’s been discussion about whether other groups should be recruited to help.”

“Why would we not ask everyone to fix it?” Shepard asked with a slight edge to her voice.

“This is the most advanced technology in the galaxy,” the turian said briskly. “In the wrong hands, this knowledge could endanger all of us.”

“So who hasn’t been invited to the party, the salarians?”

“No, the geth.”

Shepard frowned as she mauled over the information. “The geth are still alive?”

“They were never alive to begin with, Shepard. At the moment all units are offline,” Sparatus said, staring at the display. “Valern thinks they can be activated and recruited to help with repairs.”

Shepard fought to keep her face neutral. “Why not ask for their help? From where I’m standing, it looks like we could use all the help we can get. Don’t forget the rachni, they’ve also been proven to be very capable and intelligent.”

How does she not see the risks associated with her ideas? “Are you listening to a word you’re saying, Shepard? With the galaxy weakened as it is, it would take very little to change the balance of power and throw us all into another war.” Tevos turned and began to pace. “Caution is needed now more than ever,” she said as she stopped in front of the Spectre.

Shepard closed her eyes and let out a slow breath – her scars seeming to brighten as she did. “Are you suggesting we sever the alliances that we – no, what am I saying? – that I forged to win this war-”

“There’s a difference between having an alliance and handing out loaded weapons that could be pointed back at us,” Sparatus interrupted.

Despite remaining still, the marine radiated anger, enough to make the armed guards perk up. “If you intend on backstabbing your allies, then yes you will have something to worry about.”

“Commander, your vision of the galaxy is naïve,” Tevos stated impatiently. “You of all people should know what the risks associated with-”

Shepard barked out a laugh, breaking her immobile stance. She shook her head in exasperation. “I’m sorry, Councilor, but I can’t buy into the idea that I’m the naïve one. How long do you think it will take for the galaxy to find out your people have been hiding the best preserved prothean beacon in existence? Do you honestly think you will be able to remain the superior race? If it’s any comfort, I don’t think you will have to worry about the rest of the galaxy, I think your own people will be the ones to tear down your species. How many thousands of years have the asari been lied to, Councilor? Was that a risk worth taking?”

Tevos clenched her jaw as she fought her own anger. “And do you honestly think the galaxy will be better off without our guidance? Will the geth lead the way to the future or will it be the humans?” she asked acidly.

“I’d like to see what the galaxy can do together,” she said evenly. “But we can’t do that if we start severing alliances without just cause.”

Sparatus leaned over the galaxy map. “Shepard, what you’re saying is inspiring, but you can’t protect the galaxy with idealism,” he said standing beside Tevos. “The asari government will have to answer for their crimes, but what the galaxy needs now is stability . . . and someone they can stand behind-”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Shepard spat. Behind her, Jack was muttering loudly about spineless politicians. “I’m not about to smile and assure the galaxy everything is fine,” she explained as she also leaned over the map, “while you screw them over when they’re not looking.” Shepard glared at Sparatus. “If that’s what’s expected of me as a Spectre then you’ll have to accept my resignation.”

“This isn’t a matter of right or wrong, Shepard!” he said with fire in his eyes. “This is about saving our galaxy and preventing a complete collapse of the community!”

Shepard took a step back and shook her head again. “A little honesty and accountability could go a long way, Councilor. We are all vulnerable, but we have an opportunity to make all of us stronger than we were before this war!” Shepard turned back to Tevos, “The galaxy will stand behind me regardless of if you want them to or not. The question is whether you’ll be standing with us or on your own.”

The drone of the ventilation system filled the room as Shepard turned and headed to the door. “How many billions died because of the decisions you’ve made?” she asked as she paused at the door. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to-” She turned to face them. “You had four years to prepare, but none of you did a damn thing. But this guilt doesn’t just belong to either of you, though. It’s just as much mine for not doing more, for not – for not-”

“Shepard, let’s go,” Jack said quietly.

“For the sake of the galaxy, I do hope there will be a change in the balance of power.” She followed Jack out of the room without a second glance.

“That went well,” the turian muttered tiredly. “If there’s nothing else, I too would like to be with my people.” He left without waiting for a reply.

The asari councilor remained unmoving long after they left, contemplating Shepard’s words and the fate of her race. Things will never be the same again . . .

***

“They have hundreds of civilians in the buildings ahead,” the krogan scout reported to Grunt.

The commander and his men were camped out in a maintenance tunnel roughly fifteen blocks away from the Cerberus stronghold. “What defenses will we face?”

“Portable barriers and too many turrets to count. A direct approach will be nearly impossible.”

Grunt narrowed his eyes and contemplated his next move. “It looks like we’ll be needing stealth then.” Several of his men shook their heads and growled impatiently. “Complain all you want, but I can promise you we’ll kill more of them this way. These tunnels run right under them. They’ll be dead before they know we’re there. Pack it up and move out!”

The tunnels, unfortunately, were never meant to fit a krogan. Crawling on their bellies single file, the soldiers pushed the lifeless bodies of keepers from their path. The tight space was making his men agitated, something Grunt struggled with just as much. Damn those Cerberus cowards. . .

As they progressed further, voices could be heard above them. “Get those turrets up now! We’ve lost sight of the Krogans and spotted a turian cruiser near the shopping center. Where are those mechs?!”

I’m going to enjoy this. Soon voices multiplied and words became blurred – the sound of dozens of footsteps echoed down the tunnel. We must be getting close. . .

The scout signaled and the squad branched off down the numerous side passages and waited. Time to finish this.

With an angry roar the krogans sprang from the tunnels. Cerberus troops too stunned to move were quickly cut down. “No more hiding!” Grunt followed after those fleeing from the chaos.

Thick clouds of smoke flooded the building he entered, blinding him. I can still hear you, still smell your fear. Staying low, he let out an angry growl and sprinted through the fog into the nearest shooting enemy, crushing him against the wall behind him. “Who’s next?!”

As he cleared the lobby of the building more gunfire was heard outside. Those aren’t my men . . .

Turians, and lots of them, were flooding the walkways, pushing Cerberus forces back faster. Grunt growled in annoyance as he moved to the next floor. Bastards are going to have this fight finished before it gets good!

***

“That is out of the question.”

“But, Dr. Chakwas-”

“Absolutely not.”

Traynor and Liara sighed in defeat under the doctor’s stern gaze. “Can we at least inspect Glyph to see if he can be brought online?” Liara asked impatiently.

“Only if you plan on doing it here in the med bay so I can keep an eye on you,” she said shortly. “I am completely serious about not using your biotics. Twenty-four hours and not a minute less.”

“Okay then,” Traynor said hesitantly, “we can at least brainstorm about what that energy wave was.”

Chakwas shook her head tiredly, “All of the symptoms were very mild and nearly identical: loss of consciousness, headaches, and nosebleeds.”

“All electronics were rendered useless, but chemical and biological systems remained mostly unaffected,” Liara muttered thinking of the glow stick Donnelly lit in engineering before the crash landing.

“It would have to have been something mostly inert to have passed through the entire ship, but leave little damage,” the comms specialist said thoughtfully as she pulled up a chair opposite Chakwas and T’Soni.

“But everything affected by it seems to be salvageable,” Chakwas said as she examined the crew’s medical logs since the crash.

“If it is inert, then there would have to have been a lot of it.” Liara shared a look with Traynor. “You’re thinking about a wave of dark matter, aren’t you? Like a dark matter EMP?”

“Neutrinos to be specific. Dark matter alone can account for ninety-five percent of a system’s mass. Neutrinos are only formed when something expending a lot of energy happens like a supernova or a nuclear reaction-”

“Or a relay firing?”

“It would seem like a logical jump,” Traynor said with some hesitation. “It’s been observed in very low levels after a ship has used a relay.”

“So, if that’s what it was then how did it drain nearly everything of potential energy?” Liara asked, letting her head fall into her hands.

“Liara?”

“I’m fine, it’s just a headache.”

“We’re stepping well past my area of expertise.”

The bay was silent for a moment as the women thought. “I do have one rather unsettling question,” Chakwas said calmly as she put down her notes. “If we can restore function to our omni-tools and maybe even EDI, could the Reapers also be restored – assuming of course that they were affected at all? Are they simply in a state of inactivation?”

The room fell silent.

“That would also be a logical leap,” Traynor said quietly.

***

Jack glared as their shuttle veered away from their intended destination. “Shepard, this doesn’t look like Earth.”

“No, it does not. Apparently we’re having a layover at the dreadnought up ahead.” Shepard felt a chill run down her spine as the small shuttle entered the cavernous hanger. I don’t think we’ll be leaving any time soon.

“That’s one hell of a welcoming party,” Jack muttered, eying the scores of armed soldiers assembling at the landing zone. “This normal procedure or are we just special?”

“We are special,” she sighed. The shuttle door opened with a hiss as Shepard exited. Immediately the soldiers came to attention and held a salute. I am not ready to be back to this.

A lone soldier marched briskly through the ranks of the others and stopped in front of Shepard with a crisp salute. “Welcome aboard, Staff Commander Shepard.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Shepard tried not to think about how much she didn’t want to be there as she returned the salute. “I asked to be taken back down to Earth. I’m a bit confused why I’m here.”

“If you’ll follow me, ma’am, Admiral Ahern will be able to answer all of your questions.”

Shepard came to a sudden stop. “Wait, wait, wait. Are you referring to Admiral Tadius Ahern of Pinnacle Station?”

“Yes, ma’am, I believe that was his previous assignment,” he said stoically as he turned and led them across the hanger.

“You want to fill me in on who this guy is?” Jack asked quietly as they neared the elevator.

“I may have . . . won the admiral’s apartment on Intai’sei in a bet a few years back.”

Jack shook her head a few times before finally saying, “Queen of the fucking girl scouts . . . Have you even set foot in the place?”

“Once,” she admitted as they entered the spacious lift. “I was a bit preoccupied with stopping a rogue spectre and his army of geth from wiping out the galaxy.” Shepard found herself syncing back up with the strict protocols usually practiced on larger ships, a long way from the casual atmosphere of the Normandy. What I wouldn’t give to be back there. . .

“Commander Shepard, it’s been a while,” the gruff admiral said as the group entered the combat information center.

“Yes it has, sir,” she said, saluting. “I see you still haven’t retired.”

“Can’t do that without a retirement home, now can I?” Ahern waited for his men to disembark before continuing. “This your protégé?”

Jack frowned, looking mildly insulted. “Hell, no.”

“She’s a friend,” Shepard said with a grin. “I don’t mean to sound rude, Ahern, but why the hell am I here?”

The older man chuckled and motioned them to follow him. “With Admiral Hackett beyond Sol and Admiral Anderson deceased – a great man, the galaxy is a worse place without him – I am the highest ranking officer. It’s my job to make the big decisions.”

Shepard nodded silently, her throat suddenly unbearably tight.

“I’ve been contacted by the salarian councilor,” he continued. “It seems he wants our help with a project.”

“I’m guessing it has to do with the geth,” Jack said dryly.

“That it does. Not long after the crucible fired and we restarted the systems on the ship, we began sending ships out to retrieve as many alliance fighters as we could before the poor bastards suffocated. Some of our ships also brought back geth fighters. I’m thinking we must have over a hundred of them in the hangar wherever we could find room.”

“Are any of them online?” Shepard asked. They came to a platform overlooking the entire CIC as well as one hell of a view of Earth from the enormous widows ahead of them.

“They weren’t initially,” he said leaning on the railing. “I had some of our techs try to jump start them, but it’s a slow process. We are able to bring up basic processes, though.” He paused, rubbing the stubble on his jaw. “The problem is what happens if we can’t bring them back online completely. And now I’ve got the salarians breathing down my neck demanding access to them, but I’m not entirely sure if their interest in them is honorable.”

Shepard stared out the windows at Earth, feeling a wave of grief washing over her. “You want to help them, but don’t trust the salarians.”

“Organic or not, they came to our aid. Hell, I’m thinking of commissioning a memorial for them in London,” he said wearily with a bit of humor.

“And that’s why I always liked you, sir.”

“That’s touching, but I was hoping for a bit more feedback than that.”

She closed her eyes and took a long breath before answering. “What I know is that the turians and asari would rather leave the geth as they are.” Shepard shook her head sadly. “I haven’t spoken with the salarian councilor since shortly after firing the crucible, but I think you have good reason to hesitate.”

“I should have kicked his ass while I had the chance,” Jack muttered. “The prick wouldn’t stop going on about how saving Shepard’s life was a waste of time.”

“What stopped you?” Ahern asked, grinning.

“I was too busy fixing his and everyone else’s fucking omni-tools.”

“Shame. So what is your official recommendation, Commander?”

“For now,” she said after a moment, “allow them hands-off access. Be open to consultations, but have your men continue to take the lead on this. I’ve never known Councilor Valern to offer assistance out of the kindness of his heart.”

“That is as good of a plan as any.” He signaled one of his men to meet them. “Lieutenant Riley will show you to the armory and also get you fitted for a set of armor. There’s no telling what the situation down there is like with most of the comms down. It was good seeing you, Shepard, and meeting your protégé. Stay safe.”

Jack flipped him off before following Shepard.

***

Notes: Thanks for reading! I planned on adding more, but I forgot this existed for a few years and then lost the second half of this chapter. I'll see if I can track it down. :P

#mass effect #commander shepard #femshep x liara #liara t'soni #femshep

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seoultrippins · 3 years

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focus | pjm | 01

Summary: Park Jimin is an extremely accomplished con man who takes an amateur con artist under his wing. What he did not see coming was you and him being romantically involved and with Jimin’s profession of being a liar and a cheater for a living, he realizes that deception and love are things that don't go together. Or could it?

Pairing: Reader x Jimin

Genre: Crime, Conman!Jimin, Conartist!Reader, Smut, Fluff

Word Count: 2851

Warnings: Cussing, Slight groping

Status: 1/?

A/N: Hey! It feels nice to be writing on tumblr, I've always wanted to. I 've grown accustomed to publishing my writings on AFF but I thought it'd be pretty cool to start publishing here. I hope you enjoy reading and I am not too sure how many parts there would be but either way don't be a silent rider. The smut in the next chapter will be intense however, so bless me.

From the lazy spin of the fans, to the recumbent light of eventide that will soon be starlit black, the bar soaks in the ambiance of this good night. It's a bar, in a hotel that has a name you could barely pronounce but everyone is attempting to appear proper in their high end suits and attire, as you are. Fidgeting through the skin tight dress you had on, you rested your arm on the bar countertop as you analysed the surroundings. The bar is hundreds of conversations told in loud voices, all of them competing with the live jazz music that dominated the atmosphere. The crowd had a mixture of the young and the old and it was perfect. Perfect to source out for your very next victim. However, as you searched the throng, you felt a strong warmth around your waist and turned around as your eyes met with a desperate pair. Dressed in a suit two sizes bigger than required, the sloppy looking man insisted he had you in his arms. You wrinkled your brows as you realized where this was going, and it was destroying your good mood. Nervously, you removed the man’s hands away but his persistence remained. Whispering filthy nothings in your ears, your hands reached out to push the man away. Frustration boiled through your veins as you desperately thought of ways to remove yourself from the dreadful situation.

“Okay, you know what,” You chuckled nervously. “My boyfriend could be here any minute.” Your hands were busy pushing his persistent hands away as he laughed.

“Yea? I don’t see anyone. C’mon baby, no point lying..”

Rolling your eyes, you eyes scan through the crowd. Eyes evidently searching for someone you could confide in and that did it. Your eyes landed on the gentleman feasting on his dinner. Your eyes widened, handsome is a state of soul that carries through that man. He had that kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. He must get used to that, the sudden pause in a person’s natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Lips curling into a soft smirk, you tug the annoying man harshly, eyes meeting his as he pulls away in shock.

“Look, he’s there.” Your index finger pointing to the handsome gentleman who caught your attention confidently. “Fuck off, really.”

Walking past the bewildered drunk man, you breathe your nerves away as you approach the gentleman. You watch the way he sits with such elegance - so poignant and dignified. His white suit was tailored to his frame, and his unbuttoned dress shirt allowed his flawless skin to breathe while his fingers were adorned with precise lines of metallic rings. Fingers wrapped delicately around his wine glass as you watch his eyes shift towards you when voluntarily slip into the seat in front of him. Placing your baguette bag to your lap, you watch him raise his eyebrow in question as you lean forward to explain yourself.

“Could you -” You stopped, turning around to look at the creep still standing by the bar countertop looking right back at you before whispering. “Do you mind being my boyfriend? Like just for a minute.”

Staring at the man in front of you, you watch him smirk behind his glass before gently placing the drink down as he leans back against the soft cushion of his chair. Extending his long, toned legs into a manspread, he leans his face against his fingers as he watches you. Growing confused, you began to fidget in your seat.

“You - you’re not a serial killer are you?” You asked.

He stares, fingers playing with his rings as he shrugs. “That depends. How many times does it take to get to “serial”?” He shoots back.

Your face contorted into a genuine thoughtful expression as you answer. “Uhm..five..?”

“Oh then, no we’re good.” He leans forward as he answers you with a straight face.

This man was something else. You thought to yourself as your lips curled into a smile upon hearing his response. Hand stretching out, you introduced yourself.

“Y/N”

“Jimin.” His fingers slip comfortably into yours as he shakes your hand. It was brief, friendly even - but the way his attractive gaze stayed on yours made it oddly intimate.

“Ha Ha, funny.” You mocked, as you took a sip of the red liquor swirling in the shiny glass. “I only came to you because you seemed awfully lonely. Eating your dinner like that, I just felt so so bad..”

“Yea?” He prodded you with an eyebrow raise. “Then that’s also the reason why you’re here alone, waiting for a non-existent boyfriend you can use to chase away creeps?”

Okay he had a point.

“Hey!” You frowned. “A girl needs time alone alright? Also, you started this unnecessary feud on how you were the best choice in this damn bar. I was just trying to avoid ending up in the newspapers as a missing person.” Your frustration is evident in your tone as he watches you intently.

Not long, the both of you were bursting into bits of laughter as you recount the trivial conversation. Your eyes shifted to your wrist, taking note of the 30 minutes you’ve spent conversing with this stranger and everything seemed oddly perfect. Too perfect even.

“Thank you,” You said as he rested comfortably on his chair. “Thank you for saving me.”

His lips curled up slightly as he nodded. “Yeah, yeah we definitely showed him.” He says as his head points to the creep. The only difference was that he was knocked up, completely unconscious on the countertop.

You laughed. “Damn, was that what I was missing out on?”

As he laughs along, you watch him shift, toned body leaning forward and you couldn’t help but take note of the way his necklace dangled over his neck as he stares at you. “Can I walk you somewhere?”

The air in your lungs became stuck in your throat. This guy was extremely beautiful. His voice sounded like melted honey and it took all you had not to lean forward and take his lips in yours.

“Um,” You began. “I’m actually staying here, upstairs.”

“Really?” He says but you watch the way he fidgets in his seat, hands adjusting his rings and he runs his fingers through his hair - throughout, his gaze is fixed on you.

“Let me walk you there then.”

"Fuck." Jimin was nestled under you, your hips grinding against the evident arousal between his thighs as you drag your lips down his neck.

You shivered, feeling the way his hands travelled down your frame to your ass, squeezing the thick flesh mercilessly as forcefully grinds you against his arousal.

"Fuck Jimin, fuck do that again.." You whimpered.

Lips intertwined, you heart drops to your stomach when you took sight of the way he smiles between the kiss. You nearly forgot why you brought him up here in the first place. Not until the loud sound of your hotel room door crashing open did you remind yourself that you had a task to perform. Rolling your eyes, you switched into character.

"Oh fuck! It's my husband." As you watched Kihoon enter the room, you sprang into the area next to Jimin. Kihoon's fingers gripped tightly on the rifle as he pointed it towards Jimin's face.

"Kihoon wait-"

"Shut the fuck up." Kihoon groaned, his eyes gleaming as he faced Jimin.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Jimin voices, palms up as he surrenders himself to the situation but you couldn't ignore the slight tint of smile in the corner of his lips as he does so. Is this man a fucking psycho?

"Just let him go Kihoon."

"You fucking cheated. No way, he's fucking dead." Kihoon screams, lines of veins bulging out his reddening neck as he does so. You noted the sweat crowding his forehead. "Give me one fucking reason why I shouldn't do it."

At this moment, your heart was racing. You knew there was no intention of shooting Jimin, and it was aggravating to see the man next to you undisturbed by the scenario. His surrending palms were now resting comfortable under his head as he watches you. You sighed internally, coming up with a respond to Kihoon but Jimin cuts you off.

"I'm drawing a blank." He says, eyes shifting away from you to Kihoon.

"What?" Kihoon mutters, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I think you should shoot me." Jimin continues, smile creeping onto his handsome face. "Let's be honest, you've been aggrieved."

"Don't mess with him Jimin. He's done hard time." You tried to salvage the situation as you fidgeted in your spot.

"Yea man, I've done fucking hard time!"

Jimin chuckles, eyes lazily shifting as he stares at you. "Man, if you had any idea what I was about to do to her-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Kihoon yells, his rifle still pointing at Jimin's face, but this man remains unconcerned.

"Please, come on, shoot me." Jimin urges. "You're really doing me a favour. Cancer. Tumour, the size of a peach." He lifted his hand to offer a visual representation as he chuckles. "Shoot me, you'll see."

"Fuck!" You groaned, rolling your eyes as you aggravatedly run your fingers through your hair. "He's onto us, Kihoon. Wake the fuck up."

You watch Jimin sit up slowly as he rolled off the bed. His eyes fixed on you as he fixed his blazer. "Just give us the money Jimin."

"Or?" He challenges.

"He'll shoot you in the neck."

Kihoon falters, eyes shifting to you. "I can't shoot a guy with cancer. My grandma had cancer.."

"He does not have cancer, you idiot!" You groaned. "Get out man."

Your perked up when you hear Jimin laughing as watches the situation unfold. "You guys suck."

He leans forward, sinful hands slipping into his pants pockets. "First of all, you gotta wait till she gets my pants off." He says as he walks to rest against the wall nearest to the door. "Then you gotta give me a chance to run, that's how you get the money and you should never drop the con. You never break. Die with the lie."

"How did you figure this out?" You asked.

"When you stole that creep's wallet before you came to me."

You heave in wrath and fury, you feel your ego breaking through your spirit. Frowning, you questioned. "Then why'd you come up here with me then if you're so smart?"

Jimin shrugs. "Professional curiousity." He walks towards the door before turning around. "Also, I love ass so I figured it's a win-win."

You groaned. "Fuck off Jimin."

"You suck baby."

The cold night was all around as you stepped out of the hotel. Tugging onto your sweater, you hugged your shivering frame as you made your way home. You feel the chill in your blood, coldness bringing the synapses of your brain to a stand still. However, you were still perplexed by the failed operation, and your thoughts kept replaying the scene in your brain. You groaned internally. All you wanted was to get home and sulk on your own.

Until -

"You really should be more aware." You ears perked up at the familiar melted honey voice. Rolling your eyes, you caught sight of Jimin walking up to you from behind, his hands stuffed in his pants pockets. "I've been behind you for two blocks."

You stayed silent, footsteps hurrying but he prods you. "You didn't see me?"

"I don't have eyes at the back of my head." You responded.

"Well, if you're gonna play this game you might wanna grow a pair."

You turn to face him. He was the kind of handsome that got into your bones. He was handsome from the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice. Nonetheless, you brushed the thoughts away as you rolled your eyes. "I can take care of myself Jimin."

Shaking his head, he stops you. "No, you're going to get hurt." and when you don't answer, he offers. "Let me buy you coffee."

"I don't drink coffee." Hoping that would make him piss off, you failed, yet again, as he stood across you - silently staring at you. Groaning, you walked away. "Fine.

As he grabbed for the glass door, the two of you strolled side by side, stumbling onto the nearest café. You looked up to see his eyes already locked on you as he reached out to guide you inside the café, and the warmth of it sent an electric chill down your spine. As you took your seat, you gazed out the window at the to watch the thick blanket of snow that had blanketed the grounds. An icy serenade, a coolness to bring out the warmth within. As promised, Jimin comes back to the table with coffee cups in his hands.

"Thank you." You muttered softly, hands reaching for the cup as you caught his staring eyes.

"So, what's your thing?" You began, curious eyes finding his intense ones. "Inside? Roper? You can tell me."

He smiles, taking a sip of his coffee. "Everything. Been in this game for so long."

"Your story. I wanna know all of it if that's okay with you."

He nods, placing the cup onto the wooden table before leaning against his seat. Your eyes lingered over the spread of his toned thighs but chastised yourself for getting distracted.

"My grandfather used to run a crooked game in Busan." Jimin began. "Eventually, my father started shilling for him. One day they get burned. Mobbed-guy catches them throwing signals. Everybody's guns come out. Standoff. No way out. Except one."

Your eyes glued to the man in front of you, completely focused. "The Toledo Panic Button."

Your frowned. "What the hell is that?"

Jimin's chuckles and you don't think you'd ever get used to the sound of that. "You shoot your partner. Proves you're not together."

Mouth agape, you internalize the way Jimin casually spills horrid, explicit details on the world he's associated with. "So your grandfather killed your father?"

"That's the world you're in. Dabblers get killed." He shrugs, raising an eyebrow as he sips on his coffee.

God, was he hot.

You sighed. "Look, I wasn't born into this like you. I was a dyslexic foster kid. No prospects, no future. I mean, it's a minor miracle I'm not a hooker right now."

Jimin smirks at that as he leans his elbow against the armrest. He can't deny that the picture of your delicate hands wrapped around a poll accompanied by the dimmed lighting indeed piqued his interest. Hands grazing his jaw gently as you catch the way his eyes scans your frame. Brushing that act off, you lean forward. "Tutor me, Jimin."

"No." He shakes his head.

"Why not?"

"Why should I?" Jimin shoots back.

Groaning, you reach for your bag as you pulled out a leather Birkin. "Well, look, I could pay you, if that helps ."

Jimin crosses his arms, lips curling into a smile before eventually transcending into a contagious laugh. "Y/N, whose wallet is that?"

"Um," You flipped the wallet open, tugging onto an identity card. "Dr Kim Wooshik?"

He does not reply immediately but stares at your hopeful face.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Jimin says before you could register. Head whipping up to the man in front of you, you watch the way his tongue swipe between his lips, wetting his lower lip as he awaits your response.

"I- are you serious? How do I contact you then?" You stood up when he did.

Your breath hitched in your throat as he closes up on you. Handsome face leaning towards yours as his supple lips lands on your right ear to whisper, "I'll call you."

As he leans back, your eyes catches sight on his hand lifting to your face with your watch in his hands. Eyes widening, you lifted your wrist to find it empty.

"How-"

"I'll see you tomorrow. Stay safe." He walks away, turning around briefly to flash a smile as you stood alone, baffled.

#jimin #bts jimin #kpop smut #bts smut #jimin smut #jimin fluff #jimin x reader #jimin fanfic #park jimin #bts #bts series

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thekitteninlove · 3 years

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Okay, so i wrote another fanfic. This one is much longer, 3000+ words or 6 pages. I put some more romance in it too, since i realized the other ones kinda lack that and i want more romance. This is my way of coping with my love for Dean

Characters: Dean Tweedle

Warning: R 18+

Title: Teacher's pet, part 1

I was in the schoolyard with my friend, Maya. We were on a break, so we decided to just take a walk outside.

“So, do you wanna go to the club tonight?” she asked me

“Again? Didn’t you go to one yesterday? When do you sleep?”. Our personalities were completely different. Unlike me, she was an extrovert who liked to party. She was always cheerful, so her presence lightened my mood.

“Well, you know, during classes or after I get back from school. So, what do you say? Wanna come?”

“Nope, you know I don’t like those kinda places. The music is too damn loud. I’m gonna go deaf in there. Besides which I have to study for the finals”

“Ugh, we still have plenty of time. You should take a break and relax sometimes. You know how the saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

“I think I take enough breaks. I have my own way of having fun. I’m worried that if I take more breaks I’ll fall behind in my studies and I don’t want to disappoint the teachers”. Actually, I think I have a fear of disappointing them. I wonder if this fear has a name.

“Right. How could I forget you’re teacher’s pet whose hobby is to please the teachers.”

“You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing, but my future is at stake here”

“Oh, come on, don’t be so dramatic. It’s not like your future will be destroyed if you spend a bit more time socializing. How about getting a boyfriend? Love will definitely make you happier.”

Love? I immediately thought of Dean and my heart started beating faster. I don’t know when I started having those feelings for him. It feels like it happened gradually. The feelings kept getting stronger and stronger. I began to look forward to his lessons, although I don’t particularly enjoy history. I think I love him, but he only sees me as his student, nothing more. He’s the perfect teacher, always going out of his way to help his students. He’s out of my league. I doubt he’d even consider a girl like me a potential partner. But I can’t find anyone else I’d like to date. Most of the boys in my class were acting like 5 year olds. During breaks, the classroom becomes a battlefield because they start fighting over trivial stuff, which is why we’re outside. They put bugs in girls’ bags or they play with paper airplanes. They’re high schoolers, not primary school kids, but they don’t seem to have matured much since then. There are a few other boys who act their age, but their taken. Figures. I sighed.

“I noticed how you’ve been looking at Dean” Maya said after a moment with a grin on her face. “You look at him like he’s the love of your life”

“What!? No way! Was I that obvious? Has anyone else noticed that? I don’t want him to know that. That’ll be embarrassing.” I felt my cheeks redden. I didn’t realize I was letting my emotions show on my face. I hope he didn’t notice that

“Emma, you should tell him your feelings or you’ll regret you never did that. What’s there to lose? At least give it a go. You can’t know what someone else is feeling unless you ask them.”

“Ugh, i… I guess you have a point. I’ll try to tell him how I feel” I was a bit reluctant and scared that he was going to reject me and break my heart.

“You’ll not ‘try’, you’ll do it. And don’t say ‘tie me up, teacher’. Confess like a normal person. ‘I love you’ is all you need to say to convey your feelings”

“Hey, why would you think I’d say that?” I was shocked at what she said and I tried to push away the thoughts of Dean tying me up and having his way with me

“Because that’s how masochists confess their love, duh” she said matter-of-factly

“I’m not a masochist”. Well, I guess I was a bit, but I wasn’t going to admit that.

“Uh-huh, sure thing.” She said in a teasing voice

Dammit, I need to change the subject. “So, uh… how’s it going with your boyfriend? I’ve seen him stealing your bag many times just to get your attention. He’s so childish, how can you stand that?”

“Well, he can get annoying at times, but I still like him. What I like the most about him is that he has a great sense of humor. I always laugh at his jokes”

That’s true. I really like his jokes too. I, on the other hand, suck at telling jokes. People think I’m serious when I make them. I should just give up. I like him, but he certainly isn’t my type.

The sound of the bell signaled the end of the break, so we made our way back to class. Hopefully, they didn’t destroy anything.

After the lectures were over I went to the library. I was still thinking about what my friend said. How will I go about it? What if he rejects me? I heard about the broken heart syndrome. It’s like a heart attack, but it can be caused by a sudden rush of extreme emotions. I hope he won’t break my heart, figuratively and literally speaking. I’m so anxious I can hardly concentrate on this book. Next time I get the chance to speak with him privately I need to tell him I love him. But he’s so busy. I wish I had more opportunities to talk to him. I doubt I could find a man as good as him anywhere else. He’s the only one I desire. I wonder why I feel so attracted to him. I’ve read in a book that researchers study animal behavior to explain certain behaviors in humans. It says that people are looking for a mate whose genes would increase the chance of survival of their offspring. Maybe I subconsciously want Dean’s genes. But is there all there is to it? I was so distracted by my thoughts I couldn’t hear the footsteps behind me.

“The library is closed. You’re not supposed to be here” said a stern voice behind me

“Whoa!” I exclaimed in surprise and turned around to find Dean standing there with an amused expression on his face. When I looked toward the windows I realized it was already dusk. Time passes so fast

“It’s closing time.” He corrected himself. “You need to go home”

“Oh, right” I was about to pack my things and go, but then I realized that this might be the opportunity I was looking for. “Um, I need to tell you something” I was starting to get nervous

“Yes? Do you need help with something?” he asked

His kindness warmed my heart. This was one of the things I loved about him. “Uh, i… I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately” I was quite anxious, but I tried to keep my voice steady. “but I’ve only recently realized that i…” I felt that my heart was about to explode from all the intense emotions I was feeling. Nervousness. Love. Excitement. I felt a surge of adrenaline, like I just drank coffee. Never before have I felt this way. It was something new. I felt like I was suffocating, like I was drowning in my own feelings. “I love you” I finally said it and looked at him expectantly

He opened his eyes wide. It was clear he wasn’t aware of this. Silence fell between us and after a moment that seemed to last forever he said in a confused voice “Are you sure? I’m not as good as you think I am”

Huh? He’s less confident than I thought he was. Well, that fine by me. He doesn’t have to be that confident for me to like him. “I think I am and I want to get to know you better. So would you like to go on a date?” I was feeling hopeful. He didn’t reject me straight away. It seems like I might just have a chance with him.

“Well,” he smiled “if you think you can handle me then I accept your invitation. I also want to get to know my pet better”

Wow! I can’t believe it! He said yes! YES, YES, YES! Damn, I’m so lucky. This is the luckiest day of my life. How come this hunk doesn’t have a girlfriend? Well, who cares about that, he’s mine now. I felt like dancing with joy.

He began to close the distance between us. “I will teach you about real love”. He lifted my chin up with his index finger and I looked up into his beautiful dark grey eyes. My heart began to beat faster as he moved closer and then pressed his lips against mine. I felt a rush of excitement at the sensation of his warm lips brushing against mine. I didn’t expect this. He then licked my lips and I slightly parted them to let him slip his tongue in. Our tongues coiled around each other and I felt the need to move even closer to him. I put my hands in his hair to deepen the kiss and he put his arms on my hips and pushed me against the bookshelves. He then pressed his body against mine and I let out a small gasp.

“You’re my pet. I won’t let anyone else have you. I’m your only master, do you understand?”

“Yes, master” I don’t want anyone else but him. My heart belongs to him.

“Good girl.” He smiled and kissed me again. This time he was more passionate than before. I ran my hands through his hair as he removed his gloves and slowly slid one of his hands up my outer thigh and used the other to massage my lower back.

“Mmmh” I felt myself gradually becoming hotter. I want him to do more. I want his genes in me. I hope we won’t get caught, but by now most of the students and staff should’ve left. He’s usually among the last ones to leave. He broke away from the kiss and started nibbling my neck, while his hands slid under my skirt and took off my undies, then I felt his hand rub me between my legs. I was trying not to make much noise in case there were still people in the school, but it was getting hard to control my voice and I let out a moan. “Ahh, Dean, I want you in” I was breathing hard and tightly gripping his hair. He slowly inserted two fingers in me and moved them in and out. At this point I couldn’t think straight as I pushed myself against his hand wanting more. “Ohh, I love you, Dean. I want you so badly”. He then used his other hand to take off his pants and underwear, took out a condom from his pocket and put it on.

“Put your legs around me, I’ll hold you” he said as he put his hands on my hips to hold me up

I did as he said and then he began to insert his shaft little by little in me. He tried not to move too much so that I could adjust to it. I put my hands on his back and held him tightly to me. My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I’d be surprised if he didn’t hear it. My desire for him overcame my anxiety and I began to move my hips back and forth. He then gripped my hips more tightly and began to move too. I was digging my nails into his back, moaning and calling his name. “Ahhh, I love you” I said in between breaths. I could hear him moaning close to my ear, which made me even more aroused. I then felt his warm and wet tongue on my neck and a bit of pain as he bit it. “Oh~, Dean~”. I felt myself getting closer and closer to the climax. He began moving faster and I could feel he was starting to lose the last bit of control he had on his body.

“Ohhh, you’re… mmh… such a… haa… naughty pet” he managed to say between moans “for tempting me… aah… I’ll… nnnh… punish you” he then bit my neck again and I moaned out his name as I arched my back and came. His movements became erratic and he soon came after me as he moaned my name in my ear.

We were breathing hard and it took a while until we regained our composure and got dressed.

“We need to clean ourselves, so we can go to my place to take a bath if you want to. I know you live farther away and you’re sweaty. You’ll catch a cold if you stay for too long outside like this” he said

It was nice of him to suggest this and I agreed to his proposal. I needed to clean myself. ASAP

It only took a few minutes to reach his apartment. After he turned on the water for the bath we sat down at the table to eat some food. This feels like a dream. I can’t believe this actually happened. I didn’t think he’d do this. Dum warned me that he was a corrupted teacher, but I didn’t believe him. But now I see he’s not as perfect as I imagined him to be. Although I don’t mind it. It felt better than I imagined it would be like. I felt my cheeks grow hot as I remembered what we did. To think he’d do something like that… Curiosity got the better of me and I asked him “Why did you agree to date me and why…” I trailed off trying to find the right words “why did you touch me like that?”

He stopped eating and turned his gaze to me. “I’ve had my sights set on you for a long time now. But I’m a teacher and hitting on a student would be considered outrageous. I was relieved to hear that you were feeling the same way about me. I was starting to worry that I needed to wait until you graduated to confess my love to you. Although…” he paused “we’ll have to keep this a secret. The others might jump to some false conclusions and I don’t want that. I care about my reputation. So could you keep it a secret?”

I was a bit disappointed that we had to keep this a secret, but as long as I could stay by his side I was happy. “Sure thing” I responded

“Great. I think the bath is almost ready, so let me spoil you for all your hard work”

We went to the bathroom, where he started taking off his clothes one by one. I watched him strip taking in his muscular body. Mmh, lookin’ good there, teach’. Looks like someone’s going to the gym. I heard he knows martial arts. Perhaps because he felt like I was staring at him he looked at me and grinned.

“Aren’t you going to undress?”

Oh, right, I should do it too. After we took off our clothes we went to soak in the warm water. The bathtub was large enough for both of us, so we sat across from each other. Ugh, it feels a bit awkward. The strained silence was broken by his voice.

“They say that actions speak louder than words. I want to praise you for being such a good pet, so come over here and let me spoil you” he said with a smile

I moved closer to him. Then, as I was closing the distance, he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into a kiss. It was hot and passionate and I felt like I was melting in his arms. I could feel the warmth of his body against mine and his hands holding me tightly to his chest. I wrapped my legs around his hips as I placed my hands on his back. I could feel his thing harden, so I slid one of my hands down to stroke it. He then let out a moan and bit my lip, which made me gasp. He then placed his hands on my butt and squeezed it.

“Mmmh, Dean”

His lips moved to my ear and whispered “Your grades are… mmh… so good, I need to… haa… praise you… nnh… more” then licked my ear

“Yes, praise me more, teacher~” I said in a husky voice. I stopped stroking his cock and began to move my hips against his, feeling his hardness between my legs. It was getting hotter and hotter and that wasn’t only because of the water.

He grabbed my hips and began to put it in and I heard his voice close to my year “You’re such a… nnnh… good pet… ahhh” his hips were moving to and fro now and he was panting hard “a really… ohh… good pet… mmmh”

“Ahhh, I love you… mmh… master~” I was holding him tightly and moaning. I need him so much. I love him more than anything else in the world. I was getting closer and closer to my peak and as I felt him tighten his hold on my hips I moaned out his name and came. I felt him take it out and i realized he hasn’t finished yet, so I put my hands on his shaft and started rubbing it

“Ahhh… yes… do it like that… mmh” I heard him moan. He then gripped my shoulders and started licking my neck. “faster… nnh”

I started moving my hands faster around his thing. I felt it throbbing under my hands. It feels so good to hear his moans and know that I’m the one making him feel this way. After some more rubbing he came and took me in his arms. He began to caress my back, moving his hand down my back and back again. This feels so relaxing. We stayed like that for a while and then got out of the water. Since it was so late he let me stay at his place and lent me one of his shirts to sleep in.

We were lying in bed, in each other’s arms, when he said “I don’t want to ever let you go, even after you graduate… will you still want to stay by my side? Even though you know how I truly am?”

“Yes, I will. My heart belongs to you. I’m all yours”

“I’m all yours too” he said and gave me a quick kiss

I felt so relaxed and happy right now like I’ve never had before. My friend was right. Love makes you happier.

#ikerev #ikemen revolution #ikerev dean #dean tweedle #smut

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thewritewolf · 3 years

Text

Old Ways, New Age Chapter 4

A major akuma attack hits and Ladybug has to seek out heroes to wield the miraculous if they will have any hope of stopping them.

@marinettemarch

Enjoy!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Read on Ao3

“As much as I hate to say it… the best place I can hide it is in my own room for now.” Ladybug sighed and looked at her partner with a serious expression on her face. “Do you think you can hold off the akuma long enough for me to take this back?”

Chat Noir was staring off into the distance, where the head of… something… was poking over the buildings. His tail swished behind him, low and lazy. He nodded.

“I’ll do my best to keep it distracted.” His eyes landed on her. “Hurry back though, okay?”

“I promise. Now get going, and I’ll meet up with you as soon as I can.”

With a grin, Chat Noir gave her a quick salute and leapt off the roof. A moment later, he soared back into view, propelled by his extending baton. She watched him go for a few seconds longer before taking out her yoyo and swinging away.

On the way back, her mind was racing. She had been banking on hunting down Namdak to keep the miracle box safe - but now she was going to be distracted by the akuma battle for who knows how long. Would he be bold enough to try again? If she hid it somewhere else in the city, would he be able to find it? Or would she end the battle only for it to have vanished?

The thought of some random civilian - or, even worse, an agent of Hawkmoth - finding the miracle box outside during the coming battle sent shivers down her spine. No, she’d tuck it in her room and hope that the same paranoia that made the Guardians so cautious would keep the box safe for tonight. At least then if it disappeared, she could be sure it hadn’t fallen into Hawkmoth’s hands.

She’d hidden it away the best that she could and was about to leave her room when she got a call on her yoyo. Lowering her hand from its throwing position, she backed into a corner before opening the yoyo to answer the call, ensuring that the view of her room was minimal.

“Something up, Chat?”

“Uhhh yeah I don’t think-” A wall of noise from an explosion nearby on his end drowned him out. “-and we’re gonna need some help on this.”

“Help?” Ladybug blinked down at his video image. “How much help?”

“Um…” The scene behind Chat was a blur thanks to his running and even her partner was a little hard to make it with how the screen was shaking. “How about two? Someone strong—” He cut himself off to duck and the wall behind him burst into rubble. “And maybe some insurance, too. Are there any healing miraculous?”

Ladybug cupped her chin and narrowed her eyes. “I’ll see what I can do. Can you keep it busy for a little while longer?”

Even in the middle of a fight, he took a second to flash her a grin. “For you? Anything.” A shadow fell over him and his grin evaporated. “Gotta go, LB!”

His screen went dark and she put the yoyo back on her side. Her mind racing, she pulled out the miracle box from its hiding spot and looked over the miraculous at her disposal.

This was the first time they’d had to call on new miraculous heroes since the Miracle Queen fiasco - everyone she’d already brought out was out of the running for now. At least with the miraculous they’d used before.

Someone strong… The physically strongest miraculous was Stompp, the Ox kwami. Hopefully that was what Chat meant. On the bright side, since she had never called on it before, she could give it to practically anyone she wanted.

As for insurance, well… she wasn’t aware of any healing abilities outside her Ladybug Cure, but the ability of the Snake miraculous, Second Chance, was a good runner up. Although that did mean that Luka and probably Adrien, too were out of the running.

Her eyes widened with realization. The two she had in mind might not be the perfect fit for the miraculous, but they would be the best fit she had. After checking her notes for her friends’ schedules, she hid the miracle box away as best she could and hoped that she could bring down this akuma in time.

-----------

Ladybug landed at the front door of a gym. Quips and puns could just barely be heard above the explosions and maniacal laughter of the akuma of the day, none of which was all that far away from where she was standing. Even more worrying was the occasional tremor that shook the city - was it a giant amok, or a tunneling one? Practically everyone with any sense left was long gone.

Which just left those who were too caught up in their own competition to worry about something as trivial as an akuma attack.

Upon entering the building, she peered into the various exercise rooms looking for her duo of potential heroes. Despite being inside, the sounds of battle still reached her, driving her to move faster in locating them. As much as she wanted to keep them separate for identity purposes, she had no idea if Chat would be able to hold on that long.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she opened the door to a basketball court to see the two of them locked in the middle of a game. One which only had a passing resemblance to basketball, judging by Alix’s rollerskates and the obstacles set up on the court.

Alix noticed her first, giving her a double take as she tried to dribble across the court.

“Ladybug?!”

The price for her inattention came immediately when she collided with Kim. Ladybug watched the basketball bounce forlornly past her and hit the wall. Clamping down on the last minute doubts she had about them, she walked over to the pile of athletes as they were trying to get to their feet.

“Woah!” A grin spread across Kim’s face. “Did you come to coach our match, Ladybug? Pipsqueak over here could definitely use some pointers.”

Finally getting her skates under her, Alix shot a glare at him. “You wanna try that again, airhead? Cuz the scoreboard sure as hell doesn’t agree with you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kim snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. “Not my fault you’ve got all those dirty tricks to get ahead.”

“You-!”

“Cut it out and listen to me!” Ladybug had enough of their bickering at school - she wasn’t about to tolerate it now. “There is a big fight going on and we need help. Who’s in?”

“Oo, oo, pick me!” Kim raised his hand and put the other on Alix’s head and shoved her back slightly. “I, uh… Let’s just say this isn’t my first lap around the pool.”

Kim gave an obvious and exaggerated wink to Ladybug, who could only pinch the bridge of her nose in exasperation.

Alix rolled her eyes. “She said she needs help, not someone that she’ll need to babysit. Besides,” Alix added with a knowing grin. “I’ve been hoping to hop into a fight for ages now. Know what I mean, LB?”

Ladybug put her hands together to cover her face, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. When she felt a little more composed, she looked back at them.

“I’ve got two miraculous here - the fight is going that bad. Are you still interested?”

Alix and Kim looked at each other for a moment before nodding. Ladybug gave them each her usual speech and handed them the miraculous - the Snake for Alix and the Bull for Kim. Both seemed surprised at the specific miraculous they got, but took it in stride.

With two new heroes in tow, Ladybug rushed out of the gym and hoped that she would make it in time.

-----------------

As he examined the locking box trap that had captured his hand, Master Namdak took a moment to respect the chosen of Creation. Fire and boldness were likely pairs when dealing with those who wielded the miraculous, but deviousness and cleverness were a rare pearl.

Sadly for her, mere tricks were not sufficient to guard the miracle box - another reason why it needed to be returned to the order.

Tapping the box twice with his staff, the hinges flew open and the trap dropped to the ground, leaving the miracle box securely in his hand.

He leapt out of the room and stood on the rooftop. Deep in his bones, he knew that he needed to leave for Tibet soon. The journey was long and the return home would be equally as arduous. He stood still, quietly taking in the scenery. His eyes roved the horizon, taking in the sight of a city from two hundred years in the future.

Which was when he saw the villains that had been so helpful in acquiring the miracle box. They were locked in a desperate battle against the heroes of this city. Despite himself, Master Namdak was drawn closer to the fighting. Even setting aside his time spent removed from the world, it had been long decades since he had last seen the miraculous in action. Curiosity could not be ignored.

He watched from a rooftop as a team of four heroes battled against the puppets of the butterfly and peacock, saw the ebb and flow of the battle.

Master Namdak had long years of experience - he could see the clash of personalities apparent on the heroic team. By all rights, a lack of cohesion ought to have been enough to destroy them.

And yet... despite that, Tikki’s chosen held them firm. They followed her instructions without question, no matter how baffling they might seem. Her knowledge of the miraculous strengths was astounding as she used each power of her allies like a familiar tool in her armory. If circumstances were different, perhaps she could have been a Guardian as well. Perhaps even risen to the rank of Master, like himself.

But they fought a losing battle. Even with aid, Master Namdak knew that they were on the backfoot and edging closer and closer to defeat.

He turned to leave.

Long moments passed, but he could not take a step forward.

He looked over his shoulder at the heroes battling against evil, his heart torn between duty and compassion.

#Miraculous Ladybug #Ladybug #le chien kim #max kante #Chat Noir #Marinette March #ml fanfiction #my writing #Old Ways New Age

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uncloseted · 3 years

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Hey! I’m the anon (and also Gay!Bama anon) who sent the asks about BPD and being rejected by that closeted guy. I guess the reason I think I have BPD is because I’m in my 20’s now, and I just have issues with perceived rejection for whatever reason. Anytime someone rejects me or something, I get really depressed and question myself a lot, or I question my worth, and it’s over things that should not be a big deal, but to me they feel like the end of the world. It’s like I have no emotional skin, if that makes sense, so everything hurts more than it would someone who is normal. It’s just so hard sometimes. I get so emotional or upset over things that there’s no need in being that upset over. I just wish I could change it, but I can’t. I feel like I’ve destroyed a lot of potential relationships and also friendships by overreacting and it makes me feel so crazy. (1/2)

(2/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I think it might be because my Dad and me always had a difficult relationship, and now that he’s gone things are really more difficult than before. I started going back to therapy and I’m about to go back to school to finish up my degree, but I just wish I could manage these feelings better. The only way I have been able to deal with them is by either numbing them with alcohol, drugs, or fulfilling them with anonymous encounters, or just cutting myself off from other people, so that way I have nothing to react to. It just really sucks because I’m so lonely all the time, but I don’t know what else to do about it other than that. I used to self harm to help me cope with my feelings, because then I could hurt myself and not hurt the people in my life by lashing out over trivial things, like irrelevant rejection or changing plans. It feels like every small thing is a seed, from which sprouts a tree of paranoia and depression.

(3/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I also have had such a hard time trying to figure out my plans for a career and goals because I’m always switching them up, because one personality trait might take the forefront, but then that could change and that influences how I feel about something or what I want to do. I just wish I could turn all of these feelings off for a while, or something, and just be like calm or something.

Hi Gay!Bama anon! Always happy to see you in my inbox, although I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. The fact that I know it’s you and I know you’re in your 20s changes my answer slightly.

There are a number of symptoms that need to be present to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder; rejection sensitivity is definitely one of them, but not the only one. The DSM-5 requires five or more of the following symptoms for a BPD diagnosis:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. Generally, these are out of proportion to the event that triggered them)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (e.g., calling a friend/partner/family member several times a day during working hours and getting upset when they don’t answer)

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (e.g., frequently and suddenly changing goals, beliefs, vocational aspirations, and sexual identity, or assuming the identity of people they’re close to)

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, gambling, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, committing crimes)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting"- basically, thinking a person is the best person ever, the love of your life, your best friend, someone with no faults, and then switching to thinking the person is the worst person ever, who has never cared about you, who has no redeeming qualities. This typically results in alternating between over-involvement with the person and withdrawal from the person)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms (typically only lasting hours or days, and triggered by an external stressor. Dissociative symptoms may include feeling like your body is unreal or altered in a strange way, feeling that the outside world is unreal, and illusions).

People with BPD will also typically have a compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of other people, and have intense, unstable, and conflicted relationships that are marked by mistrust and neediness. It’s also important that these symptoms have persisted over time and across different situations.

If that doesn’t resonate with you, there are a number of other different conditions that result in being particularly sensitive to rejection, including social anxiety, depression, generalized anxiety, ADD/ADHD, eating disorders, and childhood trauma are just a few things that could cause a fear of rejection. I would talk to your therapist about this symptom and ask for help coming up with some coping mechanisms.

If all of that does sound like you, I would talk to your therapist about a possible BPD diagnosis and potentially a referral to a therapist who specializes in dialectical behavioral therapy. DBT is the most studied and effective treatment for BPD, so it’s a good place to start if that is what you’re struggling with. In the meantime, you can learn the principles of DBT on your own and try to begin applying them to your life.

DBT combines mindfulness with techniques for distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. Having a therapist and attend group therapy sessions are an important part of a full course DBT. However, there are several exercises you can try at home:

Keeping a Diary

One of the easiest things you can do at home is to start tracking your behaviors. Note any self-injurious or life threatening behaviors, behaviors which indirectly cause harm to yourself or others, and quality of life issues. Write down any triggers you’ve noticed.

Mindfulness

There are a few different types of mindfulness exercises you can try. Since you mentioned that you want to be able to turn your feelings off, trying meditation might be a good place to start. There are some good apps, like Headspace and Calm, that can help you learn how to meditate and encourage you to practice meditation, and there are also a ton of videos on YouTube that do the same.

DBT encourages the concept of “radical acceptance”- the idea that one should face situations, both positive and negative, without any judgement. Try to let go of fighting reality and accept a situation for what it is. When you’ve accepted a situation, then you can figure out how to change it.

You can also try using “what” skills when practicing mindfulness; these are observe, describe, and participate. They’re “what” you do when you’re practicing mindfulness. Nonjudgementally paying attention to the present moment is an important component of DBT, so the first thing you can do is observe. Try to nonjudgementally observe your environment within and outside of yourself. Notice the feelings you’re experiencing, and then try to let slide off of your mind. Next, describe: express what you observed, either to someone around you or to yourself. Try to use your five senses to put words to what you’re observing. What can you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Feel? Finally, participate: try your best to be fully focused on and involved in any activity that you’re doing. When your mind wanders, gently pull it back to the task you’re currently doing.

Distress Tolerance

One of the goals of DBT is to help people develop the ability to calmly recognize negative situations and decide if and how to address them. It’s important to learn how to be distressed without becoming overwhelmed or hiding from that feeling.

TIPP is one of the fastest and most popular distress tolerance skills, since it alleviates distress quickly. Tip the temperature of your face by splashing it with very cold water, intensely exercise for 20 minutes, do paced breathing- breathe in for four seconds and our for six to eight seconds, and then do progressive muscle relaxation- starting from the top of your body, tense and relax each muscle group until you get to your toes.

You can also distract yourself from unpleasant emotions using ACCEPTS. Engage in activities that you enjoy, contribute by helping others, compare yourself to people who are less fortunate or how you used to be when you were in a worse state, evoke a different emotion by putting on a happy song or watching a comedy special, push away your situation in your mind, and put something else first by thinking about something else, and finally, create sensations that are intense, such as holding an ice cube or eating spicy food.

Another thing you can try when you’re in distress is to IMPROVE the moment. Imagine relaxing scenes, things going well, or other pleasing scenarios, find meaning in what you’re feeling, pray, if you’re religious, relax your muscles using the progressive muscle relaxation we talked about above, do one thing at a time, and focus all your attention on it, vacation if you can (by taking a break from the situation), and encourage yourself. Tell yourself it’s possible to make it through your current situation and cope with it. You can be your own best cheerleader.

Emotional Regulation

Since people who have BPD frequently have intense emotions, it can be helpful to learn how to regulate those emotions.

First, try identifying and labeling your emotions. Tune in with yourself and ask yourself what you’re feeling. Is it anger? Fear? Sadness? Then, you can try to change unwanted emotions using opposite-reactions. With opposite-reactions, you do the opposite of the urge you’re feeling in the moment. For example, if you want to isolate yourself, instead, reach out to a friend.

Fact-checking is also an important technique- ask yourself, “do the facts warrant the intensity of the response I’m feeling?” Then ask yourself, “what is the event prompting my emotion,” “what are my interpretations and assumptions about the event, and are those true?”, “am I assuming a threat? How likely is it to actually occur?”, “what’s the disaster? How can I cope well with it?”, and “does my emotion or intensity fit the facts?” There’s a sample fact-checking worksheet that you can find here: http://edencounseling.com/resources/dbt-emotional-regulation-group-4-handouts.pdf

If your facts are correct and the situation is the problem, then you can problem solve. First, identify your goal in solving the problem- what needs to happen for you to be okay, and what’s reasonable? Then, brainstorm as many solutions as you can come up with, without being critical of your ideas. Choose a solution that fits your goal and is likely to work, using a pro/con list to decide if necessary. Act on your decision, and then evaluate if it worked. If it didn’t work, go back to the “choose” stage and pick a different solution to try.

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Interpersonal relationships can be difficult for people with DBT, so it’s important to learn how to ask for what you need, how to say no, and how to cope with interpersonal conflicts. There are three techniques in this module: DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.

The DEAR MAN technique focuses on conveying your needs to someone else. Start by describing your situation using specific, fact-based statements about a recent situation. Then express the emotions experienced when the situation occurred, why the situation was a problem, and how you feel about it. Assert yourself by clearly and specifically requesting the behavior change you would like. Reinforce your position by explaining to the person what the positive impacts of changing their behavior might be for them. Mindfully focus on the situation, without seeking validation, and redirect the conversation back to your main point when it seems to be diverting. Appear confident and assertive, even if you’re not feeling confident or assertive. Finally, negotiate with the person to come to a compromise that both parties are happy with.

The GIVE tool focuses on relationship maintenance, whether that’s with friends, family, co-workers, or romantic partners. It is used in conversations. Use gentle language, free of put-downs, sarcasm, or judgement, even as a joke. Be as interested as you can in what the other person is saying. Give them your undivided attention by making eye contact and asking questions. Really listen to them, don’t just wait your turn to talk. Validate their situation, either through words, body language, or facial expressions. Often, people just want to be heard and for someone to understand what they’re going through. Finally, try to adopt an easy manner: do your best to appear calm and comfortable during the conversation. Use friendly humor and smile.

The FAST skill focuses on maintaining your self-respect. Be fair to yourself and to the person you’re talking to. Don’t apologize more than once, and only apologize for things that are your fault. Stick to your values- determine what you believe and stand by it, without letting other people sway your decisions. Lastly, be truthful. Lying can only damage relationships and reduce the respect you have for yourself.

I know that’s a ton of stuff I’ve just thrown at you, so if you’re still with me, thank you! You don’t have to adopt all of these skills at once or even at all. Getting good at just one or two of them will improve your life. A therapist will be able to help you practice these different skills so that when you need them, they’re already in your mind. Good luck! I hope you get the support you need and that things start looking up for you soon.

#DBT #borderline personality disorder #BPD #dialectical behavioral therapy #Anonymous #effys-closet #effys closet

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safarigirlsp · 3 years

Text

From Error to Error

@iamakiller

Afternoon sunlight filters into my office window, barely peeking over the New York City skyline as the sun dips lower by the minute. It catches my eye, causing me to cast something between a squint and a glare at the offending beam.

I sit silently in my wingback chair, legs crossed, notepad resting on my lap, listening to the interminable dross of marital problems on which my clients seek my counsel.

He doesn’t listen. She’s too needy. He doesn’t appreciate her. She doesn’t put out enough. On and on and on. So many of the same trivial issues verbalized from different trivial people that they often blur together in my mind. Couples merge to become a singular mass of whining, churning misery.

Job security, I tell myself. I’ve given up finding fulfillment in work, even in relationships. It’s all become so dissatisfying. I once thought that earning a doctorate in clinical psychology would ensure that I was engulfed in interesting cases, in stimulating exploration of fractured psyches. Unfortunately, there were too few of those gems to pay the bills. So, here I sit, marriage counselor extraordinaire, letting this verbal sewage flow into my ears from an endless stream of bickering spouses.

Today is no different. Another couple with a burgeoning divorce trying to cling together because of their son. An admirable goal. Doomed to failure.

This is their first session. An emergency, I was told. Not that there is really such a thing in this line of work. An ‘emergency’ usually consists of a fight they can no longer avoid or a discussion they are too meek to have without a referee. I’ve always found it amusing that what they never seem to realize is that by the time a couple is looking for someone like me to unite with them against their spouse, that they have both already lost.

It is of some consolation to me that this couple is mildly more interesting that most. A successful actress and director. Their problems, however, could not be more mundane.

After introductions are made, pleasantries exchanged, we sit. Husband and wife on opposite ends of my large sofa, myself in my chair, and I wait as the silence they find uncomfortable and I find relaxing fills the room.

Nicole begins. A tearful tirade of how she’s lost herself in her marriage, how she’s taken for granted and how her dreams have fallen victim to her husband’s selfish whims. I wait, hoping to hear something unique, to no avail.

I offer my best professional condolences and plastic assurances that, “I’m here to help.”

Once Nicole has finished and is sniveling quietly into a tissue, I turn to her husband, Charlie.

Charlie sits relaxed on the couch, one long leg crossed over the other, too indifferent to his crying wife. He runs a large hand through his hair as he smiles at me. A flagrantly curated gesture meant to endear me to him. I give him the false smile that I put on every day along with my jacket before leaving my home.

He first makes it a point to politely but firmly address and counter all of his wife’s complaints. A decent tactic for a debate, less so for ensuring marital bliss.

What a sanctimonious ass.

Following this is his florid reasoning as to why he is the superior partner in the marriage, and also, a thinly veiled ploy to garner my sympathy. I listen with interest. Not to his ‘problems,’ which are absurdly negligible, but to his investment in gaining my commiseration.

Odd that such a confident man would have any concern for gaining the approval of a stranger. It quickly becomes obvious that his poignant desire for endorsement extends beyond today’s counseling session. So, the big shot director craves validation from women. A useful kernel of information.

Finally, the emergent strife between this couple is revealed to me when Charlie discloses an affair.

Even this, however, is a feeble attempt to garner sympathy, whether from me or his wife, I cannot be sure. It is noteworthy to me that he craves validation for even this unsavory conduct. Of course, he was pushed into it. The poor poor man had no recourse from his terrible marriage with his beautiful starlet wife other than to run headlong into the orifices of another woman.

I hope my features remain neutral, not belying my cynical amusement.

I wonder how many other women there were. How many others there are. I am certain his mousy stage manager is only a minnow in his sea of consorts.

Turning my attention briefly to Nicole, I can see she is affected by Charlie’s disclosure. I see sadness, remorse, even pity reflected in her empathetic eyes. Pathetic. She did not strike me as being overly burdened with intelligence, an assessment that is now reinforced. It is little wonder that Charlie has so easily kept his assignations from her scrutiny.

When Charlie says how lonely and joyless his marriage was, I nod in a guise of sympathy that I do not feel so as to conform to the rules of polite society.

Truth be told, I feel very little anymore. As Charlie meanders through the tiresome details of his affair, my mind drifts. I think back to the last time I’ve truly felt something. Anything. Charlie thinks that when I raise my eyebrows in a show of mild consideration that it is from his words and not from my own epiphany that it has been years since I myself have felt anything resembling joy. The emotional highs I seek are always closer to excitement and satisfaction.

A picture of Mr. Barber has begun to form in my mind. His confident air and easy smile are all a mask. A face he puts on every day the way I put on mascara and lipstick to make himself presentable to the rest of the world. But, what is he hiding beneath the mask?

Even his confidence, it seems, is built upon a fragile foundation of affirmation, stolen from the lips of young naive women. No doubt too many for even Charlie himself to remember the figure.

He has used countless women to climb out of his own well of insecurity. Each body a lifeline to be desperately grasped and used, in an attempt to elevate his own self-worth.

Yet, it’s never enough for a man like him. Perpetually chasing a high that lingers just out of reach, and settling instead for a few moments of fleeting ecstasy amid his grimy carnality.

Yes, I’m getting a clear picture of Charlie, indeed. Despite what his handsome smile and steady amber eyes belie.

When Charlie is finished, Nicole is in tears, doing her best to use an entire box of tissues, while he looks at me. His gaze is confident, almost expectant.

He thinks I’m sympathetic to him. That he’s won me over. Poor Charlie. The thought of removing the smug grin from his lips makes my own turn upwards slightly. Even if for nothing other than to show him that I do not fall victim to such transparent manipulation.

“Charlie,” I say sweetly, luring him into a trap of my own. “I see a small problem with your perceived ‘difficulties’ in your marriage. What of these issues with Nicole were not facets of her character from the outset? I’m sure a man as perceptive as yourself became aware of them quickly”

Charlie’s mouth sets as I speak, his disdain seeping through the cracks of his marble features.

“Much as I’m sure she should have been aware of your hubris rather early,” My eyes hold his intently. “I would pose it to you that your predilection for women outside of your marriage is not as simple as a misstep or a quirk to overcome.”

Charlie was glaring at me now. Even though his face remained even, his eyes burned lividly as they held mine. Good.

Nicole, knowing Charlie must be upset by my words, rushed to his defense even now. “Maybe Charlie just felt that I-“

“No, Nicole.” I cut her off immediately, my tone sharp. “You hold no accountability for this.”

Charlie’s jaw clenches fiercely as I continue.

“Is that how a man acts who wants to save his marriage?” I lean forward slightly, allowing just a hint of venom to tinge my next words. “Is that how a man who cares about his son behaves?”

Charlie’s eyes darken markedly with an emotion I can’t quite place. Although, for the first time today, hell, the first time in weeks, I feel a surge of excitement flood through me.

“To say differently would mean you’re lying yet again to your wife.” I smile wickedly. “That you’re lying to me.”

Nicole looks at me with red, thankful eyes. In them I also see a glimmer of hope. I’ll never understand women like her. Weak, cloying women, desperate to retain a man who has wronged them. But, it’s written on her face as plainly as Charlie’s malice radiates towards me. He could fix things with Nicole if he wanted. She even believes that he’ll try.

I know, as I look into Charlie’s eyes that now gleam with a simmering enmity, that he will put no effort into fixing his marriage. No, he is as intent on destroying this as he has everything else in his life. I wonder if he’s aware of that pattern himself, I muse.

#safarigirlsp rp #iamakiller #no warnings #yet.

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c-ptsdrecovery · 4 years

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“Did it ever get physical?”

This is often the first question we ask someone we know or suspect is in an unhealthy relationship. While starting a conversation around physical abuse is essential, the issue is when it’s the only question we ask.

Stopping short of inquiring about other forms of abuse implies that physical violence is the defining factor of an unhealthy relationship. Even worse, it conveys the message that whatever else might be going on is just “not that bad.”

This is a huge issue, because emotional abuse can absolutely be that bad.

Even if relationship never gets physically abusive, emotional abuse can escalate over time with devastating consequences, even death. And while emotional abuse does not always lead to physical abuse, physical abuse in relationships is nearly always preceded and accompanied by emotional abuse.[i]

Why don’t we hear more about emotional abuse? In addition to the common misconception that it’s just not that serious, many people simply aren’t sure what emotional abuse actually entails.

My aim here is to help you understand what emotional abuse really means and what makes it so dangerous so that you’re better equipped to start the conversation. Because if you want to stop it, you first have to know what you’re dealing with.

Defining Emotional Abuse

Understanding emotional abuse is complicated for many reasons. One reason is because there are several different names used interchangeably to refer to the same kind of abuse, including emotional abuse/violence, psychological abuse/violence, and mental abuse. For simplicity, we’ll use “emotional abuse” going forward.

Another complication is that there isn’t one accepted definition of emotional abuse. It seems that everyone has a slightly different version.

We’ve identified several common threads that make up the most widely accepted definitions and combined them here to create the following description of emotional abuse:

Emotional abuse is any abusive behavior that isn’t physical, which may include verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation, which most often unfolds as a pattern of behavior over time that aims to diminish another person’s sense of identity, dignity and self worth, and which often results in anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts or behaviors, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Wow, that’s a lot.

Each part of the definition presents its own complications to fully grasping the reality of emotional abuse, so let’s dissect what this really means, piece by piece.

Breaking Down Emotional Abuse

1.“…any abusive behavior that isn’t physical…”

Pretty broad, right? Emotional abuse is difficult to comprehend because it encompasses so much. Just take a look at the non-exhaustive list[ii] below of behaviors that are potentially emotionally abusive:

Intimidation

Manipulation

Refusal to ever be pleased

Blaming

Shaming

Name-calling

Insults

Put-downs

Sarcasm

Infantilization

Silent treatment

Trivializing

Triangulation

Sabotage

Gaslighting

Scapegoating

Blame-shifting

Projection

Ranking and comparing

Arbitrary and unpredictable inconsistency

Threatening harm

Forced isolation

We specify “potentially” abusive behaviors because some of the behaviors on this list could occur in a healthy context as well. Let’s take sarcasm and infantilizing speech, for example. Many people consider sarcasm a key component of a good sense of humor. Many people would also agree that using infantilizing speech as terms of endearment is harmless, for example referring to a significant other as “baby.” However, in the context of emotional abuse where the intent is malicious, these behaviors can be extremely cutting, especially when disguised as affection or an innocent remark. For example, someone who repeatedly tells his or her significant other “My baby is so smart” in a way that’s meant to mock their partner’s intelligence using sarcasm as well as infantilizing speech to make them feel small is a form of emotional abuse.

2. “ …which may include verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation”

The key word here is “may.” Not only is the list of emotional abuse tactics incredibly long and dependent on context, the particular combination of behaviors that show up, how they show up—whether overtly or covertly—and with what intensity can also vary greatly from relationship to relationship. As a result, we have another layer of complexity: emotional abuse doesn’t have one specific look.

For example, an emotionally abusive relationship where overt aggressing behaviors like yelling, threatening and blaming are predominantly used will look very different from a relationship where only very subtle forms of abuse like gaslighting, passive-aggressive put-downs, and minimizing are used.

3. “a pattern of behavior over time”

Emotional abuse is rarely a single event. Instead, it occurs over time as a pattern of behavior that’s “sustained” & “repetitive.”[iii] This particular characteristic of emotional abuse helps explain why it’s so complicated and so dangerous.

Even if you’re the most observant person in the world, emotional abuse can be so gradual that you don’t realize what’s happening until you’re deeply entangled in its web. As a result, the abuse can go unchecked as the relationship progresses, building for months, years, even decades, especially if the abuse is more covert. In such instances, the target’s self-esteem is steadily eroded and their self-doubt becomes so paralyzing that they often have only a vague sense that something (though unsure what) is wrong.

4. “aims to diminish another person’s sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth”

Regardless of how emotional abuse unfolds, experts agree that it has devastating effects on those who are subjected to it.[iv]

Unfortunately, these effects as well as each harmful act of abuse are largely invisible. This makes it difficult for most people to comprehend the very real risks and damage of emotional abuse.

Let’s demonstrate why. For a moment, try to imagine a scene of physical violence, a fight. Even if you’ve never witnessed or experienced it firsthand, your imagination can probably fill in the picture pretty well. The struggle. The adrenaline and fear. The aftermath of blood, bruises, tears. It’s a painful portrait but likely one that you can envision.

Now, try to picture a scene of emotional abuse, specifically someone whose self-identity has been annihilated. Can you see it?

Chances are your mind doesn’t know where to begin. But if you are able to create a picture of either the acts of abuse or what the damage looks like on the person who experienced it, can you put that image into words?

While describing physical wounds is pretty straightforward, it’s much harder to articulate emotional trauma. The parts of a person that sustained emotional abuse destroys—identity, dignity, and self-worth—are abstract, almost impossible to picture or measure.

5. “results in anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts or behaviors, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)”

Because emotional abuse is essentially invisible, singling out the abuse as the culprit of its destructive effects is another kind of challenge and frustration.

Even in cases of extreme emotional abuse, there are no bruises or gashes where the victim can point and say, “This cracked rib is from that constant belittling and invalidation” and “That swollen eye and broken lip are from the incessant name-calling and guilt-tripping and pathological lying.” Instead, what emotional abuse ends up looking like is a person suffering from painful yet not uncommon afflictions like anxiety or depression.

It can therefore be heartbreakingly easy for anyone—whether the person inflicting the emotional abuse, a third-party observer, or even the target of the abuse—to misattribute its damage to some other cause like unemployment or family stress or even blame the target’s prior mental state if he or she battled similar issues in the past.

Closing Thoughts

Hopefully this explanation of emotional abuse is as comprehensive as possible, but I recognize that it’s still bound to have gaps due to the complications I’ve just mentioned. Think of it more as a springboard for future conversations and exploration than an all-encompassing definition.

Emotional abuse, like any other form of cruelty, thrives in the darkness when no one understands, discusses, or recognizes it. Use your newfound knowledge and curiosity to shine the light on the risks and devastation of emotional abuse.

A great place to start is with asking the question, “How does that behavior or action make you feel?” or “Did it ever get emotionally abusive?”

#emotional abuse #abuse #mental abuse #verbal abuse #psychological abuse

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lovelyirony · 5 years

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Made up fic title: i keep praying all day (all day long)// I'm Alive, Ain't That Enough?//you complete me// (I'll send more when i think of em)

Bruce Banner doesn’t really pray, hasn’t since he was around eleven and prayed to whoever would listen to take him away from his family. Then the police came and there was a funeral for his mother and he had to lie on the stand and say that his father was a very nice man, yes he was!

Prayer doesn’t solve anything. He supposes he knows that that is not the purpose, it’s supposed to help, but he just...doesn’t. It’s not the kind of help that he needs. Professional help is what he needs, but his insurance won’t cover it.

For a while, life was actually...okay. He was a grad student all alone at Culver, working on science projects. Working on that high of a level means you meet other people like you. You bond over having train-tracks for braces when you were in high school and relentless bullying by kids who thought they were better than you.

It’s kind of uncomfortable, how friendly people are when they know your circumstances. It’s weird that Bruce can ask someone if they just want to get lunch and there’s no double-edged sword hidden.

This is how he meets Betty, who smiles and laughs like she’s enjoying every minute of life. She is. He asks her about that, how she’s so kind and nice.

“If you can’t maintain kindness, how do you maintain anything else?” Betty asks. “I know what it’s like to have people make fun of me, and I don’t want that for anyone else.”

Bruce loves her for that. He loves her anyway, like the way her eyes light up when their team plays Trivial Pursuit on Sunday nights and she knows the answer to the obscure pop culture trivia from the seventies. He loves her when she asks for an obscene amount of sugar in her coffee and makes little snacks for the middle of the day.

He loves her when they’re lying in bed together and he can feel like his life is working out.

There’s a ring planned. He hasn’t told anyone about that. Ever.

Not since he got too confident and tried to harness a little power of God. Then he turned green, and that was enough.

He couldn’t love Betty. He wouldn’t let her try to be nice and sacrifice what her life should be for what it would be.

She wouldn’t like that he’s making that decision for her, but she would also probably say he was right.

So he’s alone in the world. The government keeps trying to find him, but so far they’ve had no luck. They’re starting to get frustrated, and Ross can’t keep his task force on for very much longer.

It’s sometimes fun, Bruce thinks. Sight-seeing with all this adrenaline and fear in his system. He finally makes it to Rome. He told Betty he always wanted to see the artwork.

She told him about the chemical analysis work she did, and the little coffee shop underneath a tiled building that served the best espresso she’s ever had.

He doesn’t find it. He’s not sure if that means anything. But he sits on a balcony and watches the sun rise and watches a guy give him a look that’s a bit too odd for Italy, and he knows he has to leave.

Not a lot happens, until he makes it back to New York. Or rather, a redhead spy convinces him to help find a magic cube and promises that the Hulk isn’t the primary reason for having him on-board.

On a gigantic, air-borne ship with pressurized air pressing in all around. Fucking great.

He meets new people. Natasha Romanoff, known as Black Widow. She looks at him like he’s a brand new species, nearly. He’s seen that look before. But he also thinks that it’s different, because she can’t kill him and it’s known that Black Widow can kill just damn near about everyone.

Captain America, a man so out of his depth that he can’t help but be the odd one out. He looks at everything and he’s confused, maybe by all the buildings and people and the fact that nothing is the same and it won’t be. Ever.

Not gonna lie, Bruce is kind of glad that for once it’s not him that’s the Very Odd One Out.

Tony Stark is a headache and a half, but Bruce finds himself not minding that so much. Tony doesn’t give a fuck about Hulk.

Bruce knows why.

It’s not because he’s a billionaire who thinks he’s immortal. No, Tony Stark knows that his mortality is unbearable.

But he’s also of the type that would give his life if you casually asked him to. He smiles the way Bruce does when he needs to just get through something. It’s painfully familiar.

Bruce thinks that maybe Tony Stark, if he had been at Culver, would’ve been invited to Trivial Pursuit Sundays.

And then Thor. A giant man--a god, some say, but Bruce isn’t really keen on actually saying that--who is...different.

He handles Hulk like a damned pro. He’s not easy to take down. And Bruce is a bit interested in his perspective of things, if they all survive the imminent alien invasion that’s set to take place.

He really wishes he could get drunk. Or maybe just slightly buzzed. It would make this transformation shtick so much easier.

But after everything, turns out they’ve won. Hulk is even tired. This has been the first challenge for him since...ever.

They eat food together at a restaurant that really should be closed, but he’s too tired to care about it and sits next to Tony, who’s still contemplating his own “small death” and a guy named Clint, who is apparently very good at shooting things with a bow and arrow.

He catches Thor’s eyes, and he smiles.

“You did well, Banner.”

“Uh, thanks.”

Because, you know. Eloquence. That’s exactly what Bruce has when faced with the king of Asgard and supposed god of thunder.

But he doesn’t have to worry too much about that when he hops into Tony’s ridiculous-and-loud-sporty-vehicle and heads to a lab.

“It’s gonna be Candy Land, trust me,” Tony says.

“I don’t trust you, but I do trust that,” Bruce says with a laugh. Tony grins.

“I think I’m gonna like you hanging around.”

Bruce then figures out that Tony’s heart is about the size of the gigantic tower he’s built, because Bruce doesn’t have to go apartment-hunting. Or pay rent.

“I can handle it,” Tony says. “Just try not to hulk out in the living room, there’s a custom art piece that was gifted to Pepper. She’s fond of it, but I hate it. So I guess in a roundabout way, as long as Pepper thinks that it’s an accident, feel free to destroy it.”

“Noted,” Bruce says, bewildered. Tony talks extremely fast, hands making gestures to emphasize certain points. If he wasn’t so dedicated to inventing and building the future as the present, Bruce is almost certain that he would be quite a celebrated actor.

After some time, it seems the Avengers drift together again. Natasha shows up for breakfast one morning, as if she’d been there the whole time.

“Pass the preserves, Bruce,” she says. He does and goes to find Tony to ask when she got here.

Tony yelps, rushes up, and scolds Natasha for not telling him.

“I’m not done painting your room!”

“What color?”

“Olive green.”

“Oh my god, no.”

“It suits you! Pepper approved it and everything! So did Bruce!”

“I did?”

“Well, not really. I think you were in a science-induced haze and said yes to everything I asked. You said your favorite era was ‘yes’ so I thought that meant you liked all of them.”

“Oh. It’s the seventies.”

“Figures,” Natasha says.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bruce questions.

“I guarantee all you have in your wardrobe is maybe four casual t-shirts and maybe one pair of jeans.”

“I have two pairs of jeans, thank you very much.”

“A man full of surprises,” she remarks, smiling coyly. “Tony, Clint’s coming at the end of the week. He’s finishing up a mission in Iran. Something about tracking down a woman for a gift.”

“Well, best of luck to him and all that,” Tony says. “Do you think he’d liked striped pillows?”

“Vertical or horizontal?” Bruce asks.

“Horizontal. I’m not a heathen.”

“Tread carefully,” Natasha says. “More than two is a no-go.”

“Got it. Jarvis, be an absolute dear and put that in my notes?”

“It should be common sense, Sir,” the AI responds, a bite of sass. Bruce smiles. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that.

Clint trips out of the elevator, says he’s finding a bed, and Bruce doesn’t see him again until he goes to his room to change into one of the four casual t-shirts that Natasha says he has and finds the archer on his bed.

“Well okay,” Bruce says. “Might as well.”

Clint comes down for dinner and announces that Bruce has a very comfy bed, but should invest in more pillows.

“You have, like, two.”

“I don’t really sleep with pillows.”

“You don’t?” Natasha asks, surprised. “That’s...bad.”

“Why? Can’t handle that I don’t require pillows?” he teases.

Steve comes next. He brings a nice old-fashioned suitcase, the kind that begs for stickers to be plastered all over it. He doesn’t have any, not yet. He tells Bruce that New York has changed, although the only real thing that he truly hates about it so far is the subway system.

“Used to just get on,” Steve grumbles. “And security wasn’t as tight.”

“You still manage to get around it?” Bruce asks, amused.

Steve’s cheeks turn red and they find out that “America’s Darling” hasn’t gotten a MetroCard, doesn’t like paying for it. He’s been finding different areas under construction or charmed certain officers into letting him pass.

“Please tell me you used your lack of technological information,” Tony begs. Steve blinks.

“No, I haven’t. But I’ll use that for next time! That’s a good idea!”

They fool Steve into trying wasabi that night. It’s the hardest Bruce has heard Natasha laugh.

A couple of months go by. They get comfortable with each other, close in a way that Bruce has never been. Clint gets him snacks without even asking. Just comes up to his room, sets the hummus and pita chips on the bed and asks if they can watch the cool documentaries.

Then Thor comes back. He’s been dealing with a lot of ruling technicalities, although his father has regained strength.

“He seems more active,” Thor says, grinning. “I think he’s going to try and interact with the community more.”

“That’s nice,” Bruce says.

Thor is...different. Not just because he pretends he doesn’t know what a microwave is because he wants to hear Steve’s rantings all about how “the microwave is the absolute best thing the twenty-first century has done, are you kidding me?! Who cares about anything else?”

Not just because he speaks with a lilted accent and sees with eyes that are older than they actually know. He talks about meeting humans thousands of years ago, talks about how no one could have imagined what would come for the future.

It’s because Bruce pays more attention to him. To his arms, the way he says things, and everything else.

But it’s fine. Things are fine. He’s focusing on doing some of his lab work and trying to make Tony see that a Rocky Horror Picture Show movie night would be beneficial to the team.

(And not just because he bet Natasha forty bucks that he could get Steve to dress up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter for Halloween, but mostly because of that.)

The days get shorter, the nights get longer, and the weather is colder. Bruce can’t say he really likes it. He’s been living in the cold a long time. Tony, arguably, handles it the worst.

“I have decided I think we should all move to the west coast,” Tony announces, shedding four of the six layers he’s put on himself.

“And what, become the West Coast Avengers? Sounds lame as fuck,” Clint says with a snort. “Who would want to make that?”

Bruce nods.

“You’ll be fine, Tony. Get some blankets and some hot cocoa.”

Thor is the Avenger who loves the season the most, arguably. Steve’s more a Christmas fanatic, and has been blasting Bing Crosby ever since the end of Thanksgiving.

(Natasha has been a Christmas Music Purist, and this was getting on her nerves until December first, when she rolled into the kitchen blasting “All I Want for Christmas is You.”)

But Thor loves seeing snow, loves walking out to get a hot chocolate and seeing the city during the cold. He thinks the jackets are intriguing.

He also doesn’t really need one. He just wears a long-sleeve sweater and calls it good.

Bruce thinks he looks great.

“You want to get some hot chocolate with me?” he asks Bruce one afternoon. It’s been slow today, and Bruce hasn’t been able to focus on anything.

“Why not?” Bruce says with a shrug. “Let me get my stuff on.”

Bruce prepares well for the trip. He gets his boots on, a heavy jacket, and a hat and gloves. Thor smiles.

“I like the hat, Bruce.”

“Thank you,” Bruce says. “Present from a cousin.”

They walk out into the freezing cold, and Bruce can feel his nose immediately turn red from the air blowing wildly. It’s the kind of cold that cuts right to your bones.

“I wish I was like you,” Bruce says, sighing. “It’s too cold.”

“I like it,” Thor says. “Reminds me of how much my brother and I loved the cold. We had a holiday during this time as well. The cold.” Bruce nods.

They get to the shop, frequented by over-stressed college students and a pair of old men playing checkers in the corner, books tossed aside.

Bruce orders cocoa with Thor, and they sit down.

Thor is a surprisingly good conversationalist. Well, not really surprising. Bruce has seen him mingle at parties, able to talk to anyone with no sense of nerves. But what he is surprised about is that Thor can follow along with the work he’s doing, even going to suggest his own theories or knowledge from Asgard.

“When did you get an interest in all this?” Bruce asks. Thor smiles.

“I have to be well-rounded to assume the throne. To not be knowledgeable is to be a foolish king. But I like knowing about life and it’s creation. Our scientists are also very...interesting. They make the best drinks.”

“Chemists here,” Bruce responds, laughing. “I had a couple of friends like that.”

Bruce learns about Asgardian drinking games, the kinds of food they have for their holidays, and what Thor misses most.

“I do like earth, however,” Thor says. “Your people are less--oh damn, I can’t think of the word.”

“That’s okay,” Bruce says. “I get it.”

And he does, to a certain extent. Thor grew up as a member of the royal family, his father a legend even to other people.

Hot cocoa trips become a regular occurrence, until it starts to get a bit repetitive and Bruce offers to show Thor some breakfast meals that are good, like peanut butter and banana-cinnamon toast.

They cook for each other. Bruce shows him some meals.

The thing that makes Bruce realize Everything is when Thor brings some kind of fruit from Asgard.

“You have to try this,” Thor says excitedly. “It’s the best fruit ever.”

And Bruce realizes that he loves Thor. That he wants to take him to dinner, to kiss him breathless, and to go on romantic dates that involve candlelight and soft laughter and and and--

Oh shit.

It feels complete, somehow.

Bruce smiles at Thor, and thanks him.

“This is special,” Bruce murmurs. “I appreciate that you went all the way there.”

“No big deal,” Thor says, smiling. “Not when I care about you so much.”

There’s something else there, but Bruce thinks his bias might be showing. He brings Thor into a hug.

“Well unfortunately for you, I have no magic ability to summon myself to any other part of the country to get you a specialty, so making black bean soup tonight will have to do.”

“My favorite!” Thor cheers.

“Exactly why I’m making it, a favorite for a favorite,” Bruce teases.

Thor smiles at him, and Bruce knows that there’s no going back.

He helps chop the celery and strain everything for the soup. Bruce hums to an old song that Thor sometimes sings on rainy days, when everything is gloomy and comforting.

“You hum beautifully,” Thor says, sweeping the vegetables into the pot. “I enjoy hearing it each time you cook.”

“Then I’ll cook more often,” Bruce says, smiling. “I think Pepper requested a chicken dish from us tomorrow.”

“Who knew we’d be such a great cooking team?” he teases.

Bruce turns on music, and Thor sways to the beat. He likes the older music more, including the old-school love ballads.

It’s Nat King Cole, one of Bruce’s favorites.

He sings “L-O-V-E” in the most ridiculous voice and prances about the kitchen, and this is what this song is for.

They dance together, soup be damned. Bruce laughs as his socked-feet slide on the floor, pushing his body more towards Thor’s.

The song ends with Thor dipping Bruce low, breathing only a bit faster. He looks up, and decides to go for it.

“You gonna kiss me?”

Thor is an excellent kisser, Bruce decides.

“Been wanting to do that for ages,” Thor says. “I was actually going to ask if you wanted to go on a date Friday.”

“I would love that,” Bruce says. “What time? I have a meeting at lunch.”

“Dinner then,” Thor decides. “The burger place we went to a couple weeks ago? You liked their sauces.”

“Ooh, good choice,” Bruce says, smiling. “I would love that.”

They smile at each other as they dish out the soup. It’s nice, honestly. Thor lingers a little bit closer, and Bruce holds on for a bit longer.

He may not believe in prayer. But he doesn’t need to, not when he has this family that’s come together and a love that’s unmatched.

#holy SHIT this is long #i spent all day on this one oops #lovelyirony writes #thorbruce #betty ross #bruce banner #thor #avengers as a family #natasha romanoff #tony stark #steve rogers #clint barton #listen they BOND okay

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imagine-loki · 6 years

Text

Runaways

TITLE: Runaways CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 12 AUTHOR: SassyShoulderAngel319 ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine around the turn of the twentieth century, Loki gets sick of being a Prince of Asgard for a while and runs away to New York City, where he falls in with a ragtag group of newsies, including you… RATING: PG/K+ NOTES/WARNINGS: No warnings, I don’t think, except their nickname name-calling and some minor threats that are mostly in jest. PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: P, Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11

^^^^^

“Huginn and Muninn have finished their sweep of Vanaheim with no sign of Loki and are moving on to Midgard,” Odin told Frigga comfortingly. “We’ll find our son, my queen. I swear it.”

“You’d better,” Frigga said. Her tone was dark but nonthreatening. Odin knew she was a capable warrior and could completely destroy him if she wanted, but he was the king and she knew that committing treason against her own husband wouldn’t do Loki any good.

Odin patted his wife’s hand. “We will. Do not worry.”

Frigga bounced her eyebrows. “I worry over everyone in this family. If I didn’t none of you would still be alive.”

Odin grinned slightly and left his wife’s chambers.

Thor was waiting outside. “She alright?”

“Your mother is strong.”

“But is she alright?”

“She’s worried about your brother,” Odin said evasively.

“As are we all,” Thor agreed. Odin blinked his one eye but said nothing. “I pray we find him soon.” Thor looked pensive as he walked beside his father. “Loki’s no warrior. If he got into trouble—”

“He’d likely talk his way out of it,” Odin interrupted. “He may not be much of a fighter but he’s still capable of handling himself.”

Odin had a point, but Thor was still worried.

^^^^^

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it! New Broadway show to debut this comin’ weekend!” No-No called.

Loki scrunched his eyebrows. “Where did you see that headline?” he asked.

“Page five,” No-No replied as she passed the paper in her hand to a man in exchange for a penny that went right into her pocket. “Ya don’t always have to announce front-page news. Some people ain’t interested. Others, however, likes theatre. Broadway is quite the business.” She smacked him in the arm with a cheeky grin and pulled another paper from her bag. Afternoon was wearing on and Loki’s feet were aching again. Not as much as the day before walking to Brooklyn but still. He wanted to sit down and have a break.

Loki peeked at page five, knowing that newsies had a tendency to make the headlines more dramatic—or outright lie—in order to sell better. But No-No wasn’t lying. There was a new show going up on Broadway that weekend. He stuck out his lower lip in contemplation, nodded, and folded the paper back up and holding it over his head.

A shadow swooped overhead.

Loki thought nothing of it at first—seagulls and pigeons weren’t exactly uncommon in the city.

Caw! Caw!

But he recognized that call.

His eyes, paler blue even than the sky, turned up to see two ravens circling the square No-No had parked them in for the moment.

Panic swept through him.

His father was looking for him and no amount of magic that kept him from Heimdall’s senses could stop Huginn and Muninn from seeing him with their own eyes from fifty feet in the air. He could try an illusion that would change his face, but he doubted it would work.

Then he relaxed. The birds moved on. And if they had been his father’s ravens, their eyes would have probably turned red at the sight of him.

Loki sighed and adjusted the brim of No-No’s spare cap. It, plus the raggedy clothes he’d made, had probably kept Huginn and Muninn from recognizing him—if indeed the birds had been his father’s eyes and ears throughout the Nine Realms.

Probably not, though, he reasoned as he sold another paper. It’s not like ravens are rare birds. And they mate for life, don’t they? That was probably just a pair looking for a good nesting spot in the city to raise some young. The thought comforted him as he pulled a newspaper from his bag and went back to calling out headlines to get people interested. And neither of the birds had red eyes even though I swear one of them looked right at me, he thought.

“Hey pretty boy! Are you sellin’ papes or daydreamin’ over there!” No-No called from across the square. “Gotta stay focused, boyo!”

“I’m focused, I’m focused!” Loki retorted, shaking his head to clear it. “Just didn’t want to befall an unfortunate accident by being directly under one of those birds!”

No-No laughed. “‘Ey, that’s is supposed to be good luck,” she replied with a smile that Loki felt his chest ache for. It had been centuries since his last crush—a stablehand in Asgard who moved away from the palace for a different career opportunity and broke his heart—and the feeling of a deep caring for someone else that wasn’t family was almost foreign to him. He’d almost forgotten what love felt like.

That kind of love, anyway. He still loved his family. But falling in love with No-No was different. Much more potent and completely intoxicating.

“Yeah I’ve heard that before. Doesn’t make the experience any more pleasant,” he retorted.

“Maybe it would if ya sold fifty more papes that day and got a quarter that someone didn’t ask no change for,” No-No joked. She smirked and went back to peddling. Loki watched her for a moment, noticing for the first time that she’d somehow got a smear of something dark on her face just under her cheekbone. He couldn’t tell if it was dirt or newspaper ink but he was guessing it was the latter given her hands were all over the papers, ink tended to rub off easily—especially with sweat—and she seemed to wipe sweat off her face a lot.

Loki blinked a couple times and went back to talking strangers into buying newspapers.

As he did, he thought about how much he was enjoying himself. Sure the conditions weren’t particularly comfortable, but he was doing relatively honest work and making his own way. Despite the constant throbbing and aching of his feet, he was supporting himself and the feeling of working for something was rewarding. He felt purposeful, despite the trivialness of the actual work. Newspapers weren’t the most important thing in the universe, but it felt good to be doing something for something.

The sky was just turning a darker shade of blue when No-No glanced over her shoulder toward the circulation gates nearly a mile away. “We should probably head. Get the evenin’ edition, sell as best we can, get some chow once it gets real dark, and then get back to da boardin’house to ask the other fellas about Rogers’ exchange idea,” No-No remarked, appearing at Loki’s elbow like a wraith.

He jumped and nearly dropped the coins in his hand that he was counting. “Don’t scare me like that!” he exclaimed, trying for quiet and failing as the city’s noise dimmed.

No-No snickered. “Apologies, Your Highness,” she retorted playfully. Her tone let him know that she hadn’t actually figured out that he was a prince of a different planet and was just calling him that to joke around and mess with him.

“Apology accepted, princess,” Loki snapped, trying for mirthful. It might have fallen short, though, because No-No cocked an eyebrow.

She smacked his elbow lightly. “C’mon. ‘S go,” she said instead of addressing his comment.

“Right behind you,” Loki replied.

“‘Ey, jus’ think—three more days o’ this and you’ll-a been here a week. Then ya won’t hafta be stuck with me no more.”

And back to the bad grammar grinding in his ears and making him want to remove his cochleae.

#Loki #Others #Submitted fic #submission #SassyShoulderAngel319 #Chapter 12 #runaways

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the-energon-hole · 6 years

Note

Hcs on how Tf Rescue bots Heatwave, Boulder, Chase and Blades help their human s/o with their anxiety?

((A/N - These are all the kinds of anxiety I tend to suffer from, situational and unprovoked, so these kind of came from a deep place. Sorry if they are more personal than you wanted but that is how I write- put yourself in your character’s situation, y’know?))

❗Long post, continued under “Read More” tag❗

Heatwave

-Though he puts on a hard and cold exterior to others, he knows deep down how hard it is to deal with anxiety and self doubt probably better than any of the other bots he knows. Being a leader isn’t as easy as one would think- it takes much more love and patience than he really had in his frame, but he makes due because he knows he has to, he knows he is the only one who can do it effectively. Still, he can’t help but always feel this constant loom of guilt and anxiety whenever he does mess up or cause unnecessary pain to those who do not deserve it. He knows the discomfort and frustrations that come with the constant and intrusive thoughts and memories that just won’t seem to go away no matter how hard you try and distract yourself. He didn’t have a real way to cope with it for himself, mostly he just tries to sit alone for awhile and occupy himself just enough for the feelings to pass- he knows it’s not really a good coping method, but it works for him whenever those feelings would pop up. His methods wont work for everyone though, so when he can see the signs of anxiety in you whenever things to to overwhelming and loud, well he had no idea how to deal with it at first. Most people are surprised to find out that he was observant and actually listened to his family about things that they wanted, but it came in handy for times like this when he began to notice a pattern in your behavior when you began to feel anxious and panicky.

-You were always distant from people like he was when you felt bad, but he noticed it didn’t help you when you would emerge hours later still feeling the weight of the world looming over your shoulders. He began to wonder if the opposite was true for you, you were always good at being around people when you were having a good day, so he decided to maybe stick around with you when he started to notice signs of anxiety begin to manifest in you physically. He sat with you in a room and just decided to talk about what Cybertron used to ne like before it was destroyed by the Decepticons and what it was that he did as a Rescue Bot back before he was placed into stasis. He noticed that as he drew on and on about trivial things in his life that it worked in capturing your attention as your shaking bevan to slow and you hands were no longer clasped over your face. Once he was done talking, you began to tell him about your childhood as well, and what it is like growing up as a human on a slightly overpopulated and resource straining planet, and he noticed that as you spoke as well that his fears and ever looming idea of destruction negan to fade. Even if this was temporary, it was nice to know he had the power to ease your mind just as you jad power to ease his- maybe this planet isn’t a lost cause after all.

Chase

-Anxiety was a topic that wasn’t unfamiliar to him, he can just say that he has never had to experience it in full force like other people seem to. He feels sad and guilty sure, but it has never consumed him or made him act out of character because he was plagued by an affliction that no one can physically see. He counts himself lucky, as he had heard stories of other bots acting out of turn and lashing out because of their unresolved feelings, and in the end Chase just feels little more than pity for their situations. Not that he looks down on anyone for their mental state of mind, as he knows you sometimes struggle with the way you feel sometimes, he just can’t wrap his head around what he can do to make a difference in those kinds of situations. He has always tried his best to follow rules and standards placed in front of him telling him how to handle and deal with certain situations, and nowhere in his training and research has there been information about how to deal with any kind of mental health issues in humans- so he was kind of at a loss on what to do when he sees you do nothing but pace back and forth in the sanctity of the garage where people rarely are during the middle of the day, he doesn’t know how to help you get through your panic attacks where you chew on your fingers and mutter and scold yourself for your spooraci attitude, and he is at a loss whenever you disappear for days on end and isolate yourself from everyone until these things pass in your mind.

-He finally asked you about it while he watched you pace once again in the closed off garage of the house, muttering to yourself words he cannot pick up on even with his enhanced hearing abilities. You never stopped walking back and forth and just simply told him you were trying to sort out all of these thoughts that just seemed to pop up without there being any kind of stimulus or reason for them to be there- you told him that even now you can’t think straight and your thoughts were so loud that you were afraid you were yelling to loudly and being disruptive. He said that you weren’t being disruptive or anything, and that maybe he can help you sort out what is going on in your mind- he was hoping to just get you to talk and share what it was that was bothering you in the moment so that maybe he can fix it and make you feel better. You did just that, you started saying everything and anything that came into your mind, anything from how the world is a messed up place to the fact that you yourself were not making it any better by screwing up all the time. It was a lot of information to process, but he got the jist of what was going on- you were feeling anxious because you think you don’t have the power to change anything. He lifted you up from your pacing which caused you to yelp in surprise and squirm a little in his grasp, to which he made you look at him in the optics- and he told you in no uncertain terms that you were not a screw up, and that you were an important asset to the team, both the main team and the team that consisted of only you and him. It made you relax enough to where your heart was no longer pounding ands your thoughts were finally beginning to quiet down- maybe this was the answer to your anxiety. A good reminder that sometimes life doesn’t go your way, but that doesn’t make you a bad person for not being able to deal with certain situations.

Blades

-He would be the first to admit that he is one of the biggest complainers on the planet, if something or someone was genuinely upsetting him, well it was plastered all over his face that everyone around him would know he was annoyed or anxious about certain situations. His emotions were worn on his sleeve and it was the way he liked it- because honesty is the best method to living, and his kind of honesty is the real kind to where you should be ashamed of yourself if you make him feel bad. You were quiet about your discomfort though, you kept such a calm and cool demeanor that unless someone knew you as well as he did, they would have never known they were upsetting you. He asked you about it once, and you said it was because you never wanted to be a burden on someone, that your discomfort is something you were ok with and that it wasn’t fair for you to interject or make other feel bad because you can’t handle certain situations. It sounded noble to him at first, but as time went on, he noticed how gratign it was on you as you were placed into situations you didn’t want to be in time and again because you didn’t want to say no or tell someone you were upset. It must be taught to live that way, to assume you were unimportant and that your feelings don’t matter so you just bury them and pretend they don’t exist… no, that is no way to live- you need to be honest! Honest with him and honest to yourself! He is going to play the role of the bad guy in this situation, which he doesn’t want to, but you need to learn how important you are and that yes your thoughts and feeling matter just as much as his or anyone else’s on this team.

-He caught you red handed doing that thing you always did when you were anxious but refused to say anything about it, your body stiffens in a way he can see you are no longer relaxed and your hands clench and unclench so much that it was no wonder you always felt like you were cramping in your wrists and fingers, it was now or never that he was going to get this done. He stopped the meeting of what was expected of all the public servants going on in town hall in front of all the people who fell under that classifications- including you, the mayor, and quite a few people who worked for the city and the state. Everyone stopped to look over at you and Blades, to which you just smiled and waved from your seat in the back of the room. You tried to stay quiet and hold your tongue, but the mayor was pressing and Blades was nudging- so you cracked and told everyone you thought it wasn’t fair that so much responsibility was placed upon you and that it was time to hire more people to work for the city so you aren’t so stressed all the time to make sure your job was done right and done fast. You were expecting backlash as you clenched your hands harder, but Blades nudged at you again as you felt yourself relax just a little bit- but the results weren’t what you were expecting. Everyone agreed, the praises came in about how hard you work, and the tiny scolding of how you should have spoken up sooner happened but it was rather light hearted and tiny compared to how now everyone was speaking up and saying what was on their minds. Blades nudged you one last time as you looked over to him as he gave you a smile and a thumbs up- it was nice to know someone was in your corner as you felt yourself unclench from all of the anxiety being melted away from your mind as you listened to everyone deliberate in the room about what to do next.

Boulder

-He was very observant of people and their behaviors throughout normal days and situations- he liked to people watch and see how everyone handles situations that they were in. How he always noticed Graham dealt with any and all problems he had by taking out a piece of paper and scribbling down potential solutions to whatever he was facing if he had the time to do so, but you, you just freeze and panic sometimes for no real reason at all. Sometimes you were ok in handling hard situations, you had to be since most of their work involve the lives of people around them, but other times you just can’t seem to cope with certain situations and you freeze up and stop moving until someone tells you what to do in order to help. It was strange at first, and he couldn’t quite pick up on what was going on with you, but after awhile he noticed you also have those same symptoms whenever you experience panic attacks whenever someone says or does something that triggers your body to go into fight or flight mode- or rather in this case a fight, flight, or freeze response. He decided to wait to act in most of these situations, mostly because these things always happened around other people, and that he wants to see what the best way of dealing with it is based on how your friends and family treat you in those situations. He always kept a mental list of what it was that bothered you, and what the best way of dealing with your panic attacks was- he even made a little scanner to detect whenever your heart rate would increase for no reason other than you are feeling overwhelmed and scared of some invisible threat that made your body freeze like a deer in headlights in the middle of the night on an abandoned road out in the forest.

-It happened once, you had an unprovoked panic attack while the two of you were out in nature just trying to relax and birdwatch in the nice warm summer sun, and he was thankful that he knew what to do in that moment. Unprovoked panic attacks were the easiest to deal with in his processor, it was all about physical comfort and distraction- it was all about making you feel grounded in the here na dnow and not let your mind wander to scary and dark places that would put you in a slunk for primus knows how long. You were leaning against a tree trunk with your hand gripped over your chest, and his scans confirmed that your heart was beginning to race at an alarming rate as your breathing began to become labored as well, so he did what he has seen others do for you in this situation. He used his servo to poke at your back and he used a soft voice to remind you that you were not alone, and that you were here and he was here and that everything would be ok- you nodded at the statement, and he helped you through some breathing exercises to remind you to even out your breaths to help calm your body down from whatever impending sense of doom it had. He noticed it was helping as you began to take deep breaths in and out as you stood up straighter from you slumped position on the tree’s trunk, and once you stood up completely, he took you in his hands and lifted you up to his level so that you can be reminded that you were indeed going to be ok and that there was nothing around here that could hurt either you or him. He made a joke about being the biggest thing in this forest, to which you agreed and laughed about how nothing is going to get passed him to you, to which he affirmed and held you close as he made his way back to the main road with you in his arms to take you back to familiar territory where you can relax a little more from those surprising and invasive feelings.

(07/20/18)

#Rescuebots #Heatwave #Chase #Blades #Boulder #Headcanon #Long Post #Sensitive

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magnificentnightmaresuit-blog · 6 years

Text

Duty above all

Was it her duty to bring some sense back into him? Could she? Sasuke has slipped through his friends' and family's fingers. He had pushed them away one by one -even her… so she wondered what she was doing there alone with him in that shadowy small room.

She would have laughed if she had the heart to.

Today was Ino's birthday. The girl was the typical bubbly blond girl who radiated with joy and happiness. No missions as ninja or hardships seemed to chip away her sunny smile or her mischievous character. Rather it has reinforced that side of hers, especially after she's seen a close friend almost die before her. That's why she was so popular among the ninja population, and even amongst civilian.

She knew how to be the pleasant meek girl, and fun hard partygoer when needed.

So, the moment Ino told Hinata's stern father that they would drink tea and discuss just among girls, Hinata almost scoffed. Ino didn't even flinch. No one would've believed Hinata had she called Ino out.

Yet there they were: the beer was moving around, the music was blaring and sweaty bodies were sliding against one another. Yeah, she was definitely not drinking tea. The thought made her smile…

Until her eyes fell on him.

He wasn't looking back.

In fact, she was totally invisible to him.

She didn't like how her heart reacted. It felt too implicated.

"Hey, you look at Sasuke-kun?"

The heavy weight that suddenly landed on her shoulder scared her. She tore her eyes from the dark haired young man to look at her left: pink soft hair met her gaze.

"Ah, Sakura-Chan… Not really" she muttered, even though the music was blaring.

Sakura had asked a simple question. She just had to give a simple little answer. Yet a lie escaped her lips as if breathing. It was so natural… it was so vicious and shameful for someone with her education. She had lied about watching him.

Hinata had been watching him the moment he entered the party and he had been ignoring her. That's the truth.

"Really? Well" Sakura said then sighed "I've tried you know? I've tried to help him but he just keeps… how can I put that…?" Sakura screamed over the music.

"Destroying his life?" Hinata said a bit louder.

Sakura laughed "that's too much. Maaan, Hyuga certainly don't know what having fun mean!"

Hinata turned to her side once again and met unfocused green eyes. On closer inspection, she realized that her companion of the night had red puffy eyes. She bit her lips, feeling guilty for being so engrossed in her own head.

"Are you alright Sakura-Chan?"

"What is the problem if Sasuke decided to have fun? I heard that ménage-à-trois was a lot of fun"

"You should put that cup aside"

"Look at you! Look at me! We're here like moping clouds of desolation, bad-mouthing his life's style while he's having fun" Sakura slurred a bit "maybe he's the one who's right."

"Sakura-Chan…"

"He used to be a moping grey cloud too; but since he learned to have some fun with his fangirls, he's cooler, right Hina-Chan?" Sakura chuckled "maybe we could get over ourselves if we tried"

"Sakura-Chan… you're babbling now"

"Whaaat? Oops. Sorry, I forgot that since you're seven, you lost that right. You'd better stay a virgin or the Hyuga won't be happyyyy"

"Sakura-Chan!"

She didn't want to hear any more of that. Sakura's words seemed to be true. Sasuke was just partying like anyone else. He was making out with two girls at the same time, but still, what had she to do with anything? She had enough 'rights' to worry about him and try to reason with him, but not enough to have any says in his choices.

The only persons that had a say was either his actual family or his girlfriend. She could be by some extend family, but it wasn't the case yet… even then, it still didn't mean anything. She was nothing to him, yet that feeling was unmistakable… It had gnawed at her guts for too many a year to create confusion, and she certainly didn't want Sakura to poke around and expose her ugly feelings.

Honor before all.

Hinata heaved Sakura and put her right arm around her neck. She dragged her outside. The drunken girl looked out of it until Hinata brought her some medicine made by the same girl.

It was as disgusting as it was efficient.

"Gah! I can't believe I made this"

"You sure did" Hinata said as she proceeded to sit beside the pinkette "is it better now?"

"Yeah, thanks… sorry for the comment. It was uncalled for"

"I-it's okay." Hinata flushed a deep red "you weren't you… if there's anything I can-"

"I love him so much… It's driving me crazy" Sakura confessed with teary eyes "I've never drunk this much"

"I know that feeling" Hinata said with a grimace "sometimes it isn't the purest of feeling"

Sakura chuckled "he told me that love doesn't justify anything… It isn't enough that I love him or that he potentially loves me… tsk"

A sob escaped the pinkette.

"Sakura-Chan…" Hinata whispered as she reached for her friend.

"No." A sob escaped her tight throat again. "It's okay. Don't pity me over a pathetic heartbreak."

"I know Sasuke-kun isn't easy to fall in love for-"

"Sasuke?"

Sakura instantly laughed so loud, over and over; as if Hinata had told her the world's best joke. Hinata was confused as the laugh kept going on and on, getting some attention from people not far from them.

The sweet and contagious laugh looked genuine until Hinata realized it never reached those crystal-green eyes. It was one of hysteria. Soon enough the dark haired young woman followed suit.

"I don't know why you're laughing… but it was contagious"

"It's just… no, never mind." Sakura smiled, then said "Sasuke is a closed chapter now. No indeed, it's a bad idea to fall for him, but now I know there're even worse love stories"

Hinata listened in silence. There was no beginning or end to the story Sakura was telling, just the middle and little to no information about facts. Maybe it was another hot boy that had an unorthodox lifestyle; maybe it was a story even more shameful than hers. There weren't enough pieces to the puzzle, but there's enough for Hinata not to question the girl further.

She didn't want to talk about her lover. Hinata would respect that.

"I'm torn you know? On one side he's completely and utterly out of limits… I shouldn't even glance his way… on the other side…"

"Your feelings… are too strong?"

"It's more than that… as ninjas we're just tools that are risking our lives every second. I accepted to sacrifice everything like my parents before me, but…" Sakura sighed "Love is the last piece of us and we've got to sacrifice even that?"

It stroked a sensitive cord inside Hinata. Why should they all get sacrificed? Weren't they sacrificing enough by going on those perilous missions? Wasn't it enough that since they are sixteen they danced with death in the name of the village?

For someone like her, this wasn't even a question. Sure, the village wasn't her first priority - her clan was. She had to and did surrender her all to their cause, their plans and their future. Her duty was to preserve her clan's honor and prosperity. Her existence was skewed around and inside that. Nothing else.

No, she wasn't like Sakura.

Hinata chuckled.

"Okay, I've humiliated myself enough. I'd better go home"

"Are you sure you're fine? I can accompany you"

"I'm fine, I'm fine."

"What about Kakashi-sensei? He might be mad at you? Ino had to come up with a lot of… excuses to get this party"

"Kakashi…" Sakura chuckled "he'd be more than happy if I got there drunk with a man at my side. So don't worry"

Hinata was too shocked by her words and the familiarity in her tone. Sakura had always been the polite girl who used suffixes with everyone expect Naruto… then Hinata remembered that she wasn't quite herself.

"I still insist on-"

"I'll go with her"

Both girls turned around to meet dark cold eyes. Hinata stiffened on instinct. She looked back at Sakura, then back again at the newcomer. Despite being aware of the growing friendship between them, Sakura was still a slightly drunken girl and he was a boy. It wasn't like it was Naruto or…

Thinking about his name, she flinched.

"Hey, I mean no harm Hinata-kun. I just wanna help"

"Yeah, but-"

"It's okay Hinata-chan. I'll go with Sai-kun-" she paused at Hinata's facial expression "it's okay Hinata-chan. He won't bite me. Besides, he think I look like a dog, so he won't kiss me either"

Sakura laughed and shrugged. Sai gave them his usual pleasant but fake smile. Hinata was confused. That the pink-haired girl was so keen on having Sai give her company surprised her –after all, the girl's best friend had been interested in him for some time. Besides, they started on rocky grounds. Yet Sakura seemed at ease.

Hinata hesitated. She was ready to call Naruto when Sakura snagged a big chunk of a nearby tree and crumbled it as if it was bread.

"If he ever tries anything, he'll end like this. So stop worrying Hina-Chan"

Sakura smiled and kissed the girl's cheek.

"We'd better start moving Sai-kun"

"Yeah, I'm coming" he said with an agreeable voice.

As he walked toward Hinata, he stopped beside her, landed her hand on her shoulder and leaned over to reach her left ear "if you don't hurry up, Sasuke might go down those girls in… fifteen minutes"

Hinata shivered "S-so what? He's a-a big boy. He… can do whatever he-"

"So that's what you tell yourself at night?"

Hinata pushed his hand away. She glared at him so hard her eyes felt on fire along her whole body. His suspicion, her anger, her fear, her reality… everything melted into one and turned her body into a shaky container waiting to explode.

This was the second time she acted so differently than a Hyuga.

Her father raised her to stay cold-blooded even in face of death.

Here she was, getting flustered over something trivial… or was it?

"What are you implying?"

"He is the brother of your fiancé. His behavior affects his clan's image and it indirectly affects your clan's." Sai said as if he had a perfect knowledge of both clans' business. Funny enough, it managed to soothe Hinata "It's your duty to watch over him in a sense too, isn't it?"

"Yes- I mean, no. No, I-"

"Go to the second floor. Once there, take the first door at your left. You can thank me later".

"Hey, I'm tired. If you wanna stay, I can go alone. Just know that she's got a fiancé who can kick your butt in no time" Sakura screamed, as she moved backward.

"What would I thank you for?"

"Don't mind Sakura…"

"Sai-Kun, what would I thank you for?" Hinata hissed, as she grabbed his forearm.

Sai sighed. "I'm helping you defend your clan's honor. Isn't that a duty of yours? Isn't that why you marry him?"

"I like Itachi-san!" Hinata quickly said with a grimace and a frown. She didn't like where their conversation's going. "I like him. I'm going to join Sasuke-kun but it's just to stop him. That's all there is."

"We all know that it's just a political marriage. Itachi was never around unlike Sasuke. It's okay if you've got feelings for the younger bro-"

"Stop it" Hinata hissed "I'm going to fetch Sasuke-kun and bring him back to the Uchiha compound. You go find Sakura-Chan"

"Of course. Our duty calls us"

"Yes, my duty calls me"

Was it to prove something to Sai?

Was it to prove it to herself?

She kept mulling over their discussion over and over. He had said such things she'd felt insulted. In which ways, she couldn't tell, but there was no way he could've insulted her any more. She cared for both brothers, and she was going to marry the big brother.

That's her duty.

Now, her duty was to preserve their clans from shame…

Her duty was to bring Sasuke back to his senses.

With iron will, she opened the doors from where escaped moans. She prepared herself for the worse, but it wasn't that bad. Both girls were already naked, their bodies betraying the excitement in which they were already basking – goosebumps and perky breasts. Along their inner thighs slid the juices of their pleasure.

The moment her eyes landed on him, his eyes shot open. His eyes were obviously clouded with pleasure, but he didn't feel ashamed of her presence. The girls kept moaning and kissing his skin while his eyes pierced through hers.

The shame of walking in on such a scene burned her skin, but the need to stop him from going any further with those girls was too strong to ignore.

"Sasuke… kun" she said loud enough to get the girls' attention.

"Oh, if it isn't the famous Hyuga" the red-head said with a sloppy smirk. "Wanna join?" she added after some seconds went by.

"What are you saying Akane! You're probably talking to our future sister-in-law"

Both girls laughed, as Sasuke didn't even flinch. Hinata thought she'd die. It took her an incredible amount of self-control and courage to utter her next words:

"We've to talk"

"Hey, can't you see that we're busy knuckle-head?"

Akane emphasized her words by waving Sasuke's dick. Hinata blushed and quickly looked away without any second thoughts. After going so far, her stubbornness was the sole anchor she had left.

She didn't bulge.

"Gosh, hey honey can't you-"

"We're done for tonight"

Sasuke's calm words heaved a huge weight from Hinata's shoulders but outraged the two horny girls. After tons and tons of complain, they still got dressed and asked promises from Sasuke. He made none, much to their disappointment.

After that intimate sight she got of Sasuke she hadn't found the courage to face him just yet. She waited, heard every lustful word and every sound of clothes sliding against one another. It seemed endless, until she got bumped into the shoulder twice and hard enough for her to move away from her previous spot.

Hinata looked at the girl with shock written all over her face. One stopped.

"You think you're better than us because you're a Hyuga? Or because you're gonna marry in the Uchiha clan? With Itachi of all people" Akane sneered "it's amusing to see such a high eminence in such a party. I'll make sure to remember it"

"Is that a threat?" Hinata asked as calmly as possible.

"Threat? Are you afraid I'll spill the beans to Neji? Or your father... or maybe your fiancé?" the red-head pretended to think over it "do I have a reason to?"

"I-I just wanted to talk to Sasuke-Kun-"

"Or have him for yourself. Have fun with him. We certainly prepared him for you" Akane said as she moved away with her green-haired friend.

If Hinata ever replied, it'd have gotten unwanted attention. Maybe it was too late. Sai, now that Akane girl and her friend… she doubted about her presence. She was scared, scared enough to come back to her senses for the time being.

Was it her duty though? To bring some sense back into him? Could she? Sasuke has slipped through his friends' and family's fingers. He had pushed them away one by one -even her… so she wondered what she was doing there alone with him in that shadowy small room.

Yet when their eyes met, she entered the room and closed the door silently behind her.

"Did you hear that?"

Sasuke didn't answer. He just shrugged.

"They threatened us"

"No, just you"

"They'll badmouth you, and me and –and our families"

"It's not like I care. At worse, I'll get nasty eyes from both sides. Nothing new"

"Well, you should care. If not about your reputation or anything, at least for-"

"Not again"

"Yes"

"Did you go through all this pain and catfight to tell me about this old broken record?"

"Sasuke, this" she made a vague large gesture "this isn't normal."

"What's normal, eh?" Sasuke sat forward with both hands crossed between his thighs "having a fiancé at seven?"

Hinata breathed hard. She had to expect it though. He's always been blunt. Apparently it was getting worse over time.

"Why are you looking at me like I insulted you?"

"Why did you bring something personal into this discussion?"

"If I'm wrong that means you're right isn't it? That means everyone from the Uchiha clan is right isn't it?"

"This marriage is for the greater good"

"You're marrying a man you don't even love." Sasuke hissed, his eyes glinting under the moon. "you can't really judge me"

The guilt and shame stabbed right through her again.

"I li-love Itachi-san"

"Answer came too late. Try again"

"I-it still has nothing to do with anything. Look, at your life! You live in excess. That shows how much you aren't doing well. You're hiding your sadness behind alcohol and women."

He glared.

She moved forward until she was a foot away.

"You need help"

That was the last drop for him. Sasuke swiftly got up, scaring her in the process. She backed away but soon realized that for every step she took back, he moved at the same pace toward her.

His glare turned her back into a small kid that had no power against an adult –it burned its way through her skin. Soon enough, her whole body felt restless.

Unable to meet his gaze, her eyes slide to his lips. When fear clawed her back even more harshly, she lowered her gaze to his torso that dimly glowed under the moonlight.

A small voice begged her to get out of the room at that moment.

She resisted the voice.

When her back hit a wall, she closed her eyes…

"I need help?"

… And felt his breath fan her face as his frustration rolled away from his body to penetrate hers.

"Let's say I need help. So what? What has my so-called coping mechanisms to do with you? I've never questioned yours after all"

"Wh-what are y-you talking about?" she asked, but never met his eyes.

"You've stalked Naruto for three years. Daydreamed and obsessed over him. I knew you fantasized about that loser who was just like you but never gave up"

Hinata's head snapped up. She finally looked into his eyes. There's nothing inside them but anger. They were endless pool of darkness and scorn. That's what she as seeing; that's what his words made her feel.

"That's what you thought of me… That I was a loser…"

She remembered Sakura's words. The girl has been right –she knew it. She even wanted to laugh at her own expense but the noise was stuck in her throat. If anything tried to escape her, it'd turn into tears.

Sasuke was the last person on this earth she could cry in front of, not after this revelation.

"That's how you saw yourself"

"What about you? You didn't answer the question"

"You never asked"

"Was I a loser to you?" Hinata hissed. She couldn't scream. Not yet. Not tonight. Maybe never.

Maybe this was the end.

Sasuke removed his hand that trapped her against the wall and moved back.

"You weren't particularly strong… you could've trained. Instead, you kept following a boy who had the hots for someone else"

"All this time you were faking to be a friend. You could at least have the decency to come clean"

"Why? It's your life. It's your choice. Now it's my turn to have my fun, yet you wanna cockblock me. In the name of what?"

"You don't even care about your father? Your mother?"

"I do care. I'm a ninja. I've decided to sacrifice my life like our great ancestors. Should I sacrifice my personal life too?" Sasuke deadpanned "I ain't the virginal goat who gets to be sacrificed"

"Come clean for on-"

Sasuke put this time both hands at either side of her head. She was fully trapped, yet she wasn't looking away. There's an edge in her gaze her whole body was aware of. She knew she shouldn't look so straight into his eyes in such a small place, in such a dark room, in such a tensed state… it felt like a challenge. Hinata knew he liked challenges.

Or maybe it was something else? A lot of maybes and what-ifs swirled into her head, as much as did her anticipation and confusion. What had she expected when she walked upon his naked self? His closest friends couldn't help. His parents couldn't, neither did Itachi that he had adored so much until he reached twelve.

Maybe he was a lost cause?

Or maybe he wasn't?

Sasuke and Sakura seemed to be right.

"I'm not you. I wouldn't have sacrificed my freedom for shit. We're in a village. It's useless and silly to marry to create an alliance that already exists."

His friends weren't against it –Sakura thought he was just a playboy who couldn't settle down; Naruto thought Sasuke was just having fun. Kakashi-sensei thought that was the way to take advantage of good looks and youth. His father had let go long ago, and his mother simply wanted him to settle. His big brother didn't care as long as Sasuke was healthy.

Those were the most important people in his life. So, Hinata felt stupid and guilty. Apparently he didn't think high of her either. Apparently, he never had.

She lowered her head again.

What a sad conclusion, she thought.

"Did the cat get your tongue or what?"

"No… I… Are you happy? Is this what you've always wanted? To have that kind of freedom?"

"We're no kids anymore. Dreams barely have the right to exist in this new reality…"

"I'm sorry to have wasted your time. I'm sure you've got better things to do" Hinata whispered.

Her eyes were already wet. Time's running out; her tears were scraping the back of her eyes, begging for their freedom. Yet, his arms weren't moving away. Yet, she didn't push them away.

If she moved one inch too much, she'd break down.

"You've always been like this… so weak. You'd never say what you think… or when you felt hurt by someone's acts or words…" Sasuke whispered, his breath caressing her right ear "look at me"

Hinata bit her lips. She was going to break down. The feeling was overwhelming… so she fought. She pushed back; hit his chest with pathetic punches. Her fits landed over, and over, and over…

Until she broke down.

Until anger rose in her chest.

"What do you want? Eh, Sasuke-kun? I know I'm weak. I'm a pathetic loser! I can only be sacrificed to be useful! I've always been like this! Now let me go!"

She fought, hit and kicked. It went on and on. He had expected her to calm down but she didn't until he got tired. So, he flushed his body to hers, grabbed her hair, intertwined his fingers into her long midnight strands and turned her face toward his.

Hinata tried again, but her hits were rendered futile as that of a child. There wasn't much she could do.

"I'm sorry"

"You say what you thought about me"

"Yeah, but that's a closed chapter of your life. There's a difference between that eleven year old naïve idiot and this seventeenth joinin getting ready to get into anbu. So, don't play the victim" Sasuke said as he stared at her mouth.

"Maybe you should take some of your advice" Hinata whispered.

Sasuke's eyes moved back to her eyes, letting go of his vice-like grip in her hair "oh yeah?"

"I know why you do this, and… your friends love you. Your family does too… I love you too. So, why do you feel this… need to go around?"

"What if I know this? What if it's just for fun and you're wrong?"

Hinata chuckled "I've been in your shoes. Excess is a coping mechanism for you"

"Would you be happy if I get a girlfriend then?"

"I'll be happy when you try and reconnect with everyone around you…"

"I get it" Sasuke muttered.

He lowered his face until his lips landed on her jaw. Her whole body trembled from that contact alone. At that moment she knew she had waited for it for far too long.

Sasuke left another open kiss under her jaw, on her neck, on the valley of her breast… and he bit her shoulder lightly. He lifted her up until she sat on the table next them. It was high enough for them to kiss properly, with their bodies so close not even a hair could come in between.

When their lower parts met, both gasped. She felt it; she felt him hard and uncompromisingly ready. He wanted her just as she wanted him. The thought was enough for her to rub against his erection until he lost his cool and control.

"Maybe I should try to reconnect with you first"

#fanfic #fan fiction #fan fic #sasuhina #sasuke x hinata

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codename-bewareofthefangirl · 6 years

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Can I request a scenario - or headcanon if you don't want to do a scenario - of Todoroki's s/o and Momo ( one of Todoroki's closest friends ) who hate each other? It can be about Todoroki finding out that they can't stand each other, how he deal with it.. Anything, I leave the story to you :^) I just thought it would be funny since Momo is one of my faves and Todoroki my fave lol

Hi dear! Omg, I laughed so much when I read it the first time because, really, poor Todoroki. We girls can be hella scary when mad! I choose to do headcanons because I had too many ideas and didn’t know how to combine them together I hope it’s fine! It was so funny to write, thank you! (In case you want more, let me know what!)

Have a nice day!

Todoroki x ReaderWhoHatesMomo Headcanons

-Okay, let’s be honest. Todoroki doesn’t get it immediately that you and Momo hate each other. It’s true that you tried to hide it a bit, but he’s just dense. He also can’t quite understand why. I mean, Momo is such a nice girl?

When he says that to you, you usually growl and he backs off because he can still recognize when an animal is angry and dangerous.

-Imagine all the little moments when is totally confused because he doesn’t know of your rivalry.

“SO…is that Bakugou’s extra-spicy tabasco sauce?”

“Uhm…yes?”

“And isn’t that Momo’s glass?”

“Uh! How stupid of me! I made a mistake.”

“There’s her name written on it.”

“Then I just made a big mistake.”

“Wait- What was that?”

“What, Shouto?”

“The expression Momo just made, for half of a second.”

“A glare, Shouto. It was a glare.”

“Momo doesn’t glare. She doesn’t know how to glare.”

“How naïve. Trust me, she glares and she’s good at it.”

“I didn’t know Momo knew that kind of words…”

“Yeah, she came up with new creative insults recently.”

“What? You have heard her swearing before?”

“I’m her principal inspiration, of course, I’ve heard her swearing before.”

“During training, we shouldn’t send our adversary to the infirmary SO!”

“Tell Momo.”

“I would, but she’s lying unconscious in a bed in the infirmary!”

“Aren’t you proud of how strong your girlfriend is?”

“I’m more concerned about your smirk now.”

“Which smirk?”

“The one that you’re making now, the same Bakugou shows when he looks at Midoriya.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

-The moment you two finally tell him the truth he’s dumbfounded. He doesn’t know how to react, just stays there in silence as you two start quarreling about something trivial.

It dawns on him like a cold shower: this is going to be hell.

-He gives you The Talk where he explains that it’s not a problem for him until things don’t escalate and he won’t force the two of you to be friends. He also asks you to be honest but not exaggerated. The last part went unheard, the only thing you promise is to try and fight when he’s not present.

-He usually tries to divide his time wisely. He spends an afternoon or have lunch/coffee with Momo at least once or twice a week to not lose her friendship, but spend the rest of the time with you.

-However, during group hang-outs or parties he suffers. A lot. Sometimes he freezes the two of you when things escalate or picks you up and drags you away, while Mina or Jirou keep Moko down and try to calm her.

Unfortunately, he can’t freeze your tongues. He never knew that coldness and sharp witness could be that devastating without using a single curse, he’s partially impressed.

-It’s going to remain impressed in everyone’s memory the day Bakugou clapped during a particularly heated verbal fight between you and Momo and whistled an “I’m fucking impressed.” Todoroki slammed his head against the table.

-The only times he takes action seriously, it’s when you start feeling insecure or doubting his love for you. Saying that maybe he’d be better off with Momo. He accepts none of that crap. He makes you sit down, cups your cheeks and speaks in a calm, but firm voice.

“I’ve chosen you, not Momo. She’s a dear friend, yet you’re my only girlfriend and the only person I love with all my heart. This is something you should never doubt.”

His kisses afterward are very convincing.

-Everyone is surprised that in the end, he gets used to it. Freezing you both, dragging you away, placing a hand on your mouth, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you calm…he’s unfazed, face blank as usual.

-He also gets resigned to the fact he’s going to be an accidental, innocent victim of the pranks you to make to each other. He’s going to never forget the day he drank the tea Momo had salted thinking it was yours.

He’s also very wary of doors and strange objects in the bed. Or unknown food/drinks. Or wrapped gifts. Or…well, practically everything unknown.

-The only days you establish a truce are Christmas and Todoroki’s birthday. They’re the most important occasions of the year and you have to join forces to make him happy. First thing is forcing him to celebrate with everyone and not getting stuck at home with Endeavour. Second, you accompany him to his mother (She’s known about the rivalry from the moment she met you and finds it incredibly funny). Third, you give him the hugs and warmth he deserves.

-You’ve learnt that when Todoroki clicks his tongue and frowns, he’s going to freeze you. So, suddenly you and Momo are all quiet and calm again, seated and enjoying the company.

-Bakugou cheers for you and Todoroki smacks his head every time he yells aloud to “beat her ass”. Obviously, this enrages the blond and in ten seconds you and Momo have to put your rivalry aside and avoid Bakugou and Todoroki destroy something.

-Rumors say that Todoroki has once asked Shinsou to use his Quirk to keep the two of you calm and peaceful for a day. Rumors also say actually Shinsou refused because he finds your arguments amusing. Someone dared to say he and Bakugou have bets going on.

-Aizawa once put the two of you training together so that you could vent and sort it all out. His mistake. He had to deactivate your quirks. Todoroki was slightly traumatized: he didn’t expect to feel such a blood-thirst coming from his favorite, petite girls.

-All the girls find this situation amusing and the force the two of you to behave during all-girls outings. You’ve soon discovered that an angry Uraraka is scarier than everybody else, even than Aizawa.

-Todoroki’s worst nightmare? The “Who’s right?” Question. Different people testify they have seen him fleeing from the window once.

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askmerriauthor · 6 years

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I remember you railing against BvS pretty hard before. Have you seen Justice League yet?

I actually did get to see it just the other evening, yes. Movie review and writing talk after the jump, because spoilers.

To its credit, JL is a far better movie than BvS. That’s a very low bar to set, I admit, but the point stands. That doesn’t mean it was a good movie though.

When I saw BvS I walked out of the theater thinking “Meh, it was boring but whatever”, only to become more and more angry about it from a writing standpoint as I mulled it over in my head in the following days. JL garnered the same initial response but - despite my dwelling and pondering and scrutinizing - has not advanced any further than that same “meh”. It’s a passable movie with plenty of problems (both in production and in performance) at best and just plain ol’ boring at worst. The most generous I can be with the movie is to say that it had a lot of good ideas with very poor execution.

The basic thrust of the movie is that Batman feels guilty about the shenanigans he was up to in BvS and wants to make good by forming the Justice League to deal with threats now that Supes is dead. The world has been getting progressively shittier since that event as society falls into a sort of existential dread afterward, contributed wholly to their iconic hero biting it. Which is somehow what the baddie of the film - a shmoe named Steppenwolf - needs to enact his evil plan of evil bad death doom nasty bad.

Y’know, completely ignoring the fact that Supes was depicted as a severely divisive public figure in BvS that a bulk of the population actively hated, including the US government at large.

Anyway. There’s a nonsense non-story about Steppenwolf needing to collect the three magical macguffins to destroy the world and the heroes need to join forces to stop him. Honestly though? Steppenwolf, as a villain, was utterly pointless. He had no character, no involvement with the heroes, and spent the bulk of his time on screen only briefly popping in via teleportation and back out again. He goes through the film collecting the magical macguffins, but for all the difference he makes himself, they could have just spared the character animation budget and made the macguffins naturally gravitate toward one another on their own.

Also - really movie? Steppenwolf? Really? Of all the characters associated with Darkseid, we’re starting with freakin’ STEPPENWOLF? I admit someone like Granny Goodness would have been a bit much for this movie, but we couldn’t have at least gotten Kalibak?

ANYWAY. So the Justice League is put together from a ragtag bunch of misfits who overcome staggering odds, learning to be a team in the process. Superman is brought back from the dead (because of course he is), Steppenwolf is defeated, and everything is hunky dory until the next movie. Which apparently is going to involve the Legion of Doom rather than Darkseid if the after-credit stinger is to be believed, which just goes to show DC has absolutely not learned their lesson about trying to retroactively introduce characters in a big franchise.

I mean, seriously, who are we going to get in that movie? Deathstroke apparently. Solomon Grundy? Cheetah? Captain Cold? Gorilla Grodd? The general viewing public doesn’t know who the usual array of Legion of Doom’ers are and aren’t going to give one flying flip about seeing them shoe-horned together. Especially not after the cluster that was Suicide Squad doing the exact same damn thing.

AN-NEE-WAY. Justice League has a lot of trouble with its pacing and tone, with a clear breaking point happening halfway through the film when Superman is brought back to life. In reviewing my thoughts on the movie, I keep coming back to that spot being where things really begin to unravel on the whole. Writing wise, the movie has a hard time keeping itself steady as it constantly waffles between trying to be gritty and dour one moment, then playful and slapstick the next. Apparently the film was handed over from Zack Snyder to Joss Whedon halfway through production which would certainly explain quite a lot, but doesn’t do much to excuse the final product.

We have a big ensemble cast to work with that the movie makes no effort to endear us to, on top of them being very contrary to previous depictions where the big three are concerned. Bats, Supes, and Diana don’t act like they did in their previous movies at all. Bats bounces between being grim to actually cracking jokes and being the butt of a few himself, Supes spends half his time just sort of being there looking bewildered and the other half being incredibly smarmy, and Diana (along with the Amazons as a whole) had any-and-all character granted by her own movie violently siphoned out of her until she was a bland cardboard cutout.

Given that we just had such a great Wonder Woman standalone movie, this version of Diana really grates on my by comparison. She’s dull, isn’t proactive, and spends the film needing to be goaded into being a hero by Batman of all people. Bats is constantly lecturing and advising her on how to be a hero, a leader, how to not lock herself away from the world and others… y’know, stuff that Batman classically has trouble with himself and it REALLY SHOULD BE DIANA TEACHING HIM THAT SHIT SINCE SHE ALREADY DID ALL THAT IN HER OWN DAMN MOVIE AND BEING A RECLUSIVE UNTRUSTWORTHY ASS IS LITERALLY BATMAN’S ENTIRE M.O. IN THIS FRANCHISE.

Flash was fun though. I enjoyed his presence and jokes, which felt a bit more natural since he is such a young character compared to the rest. Cyborg was just sort of there as a plot device - dude literally just grows new powers and plucks meta-information out of nowhere whenever the plot needs him to. Thor - I mean Drax - I mean Aquaman was… well, he was there. Yep. He sure did take up screen real estate without actually having any useful contributions to the story, setting, theme, or conflict resolution.

This may just be my own personal sense of humor at play, but there was a gag I really wish they’d gone for with Flash. After he’s first introduced and the movie is half-assedly explaining his powers, he points out that using his superspeed burns tons of calories, so he’s always famished and is constantly snacking. “I’m like a blackhole for snacks. A snack-hole.” he says, while chowing down on an entire pizza himself as he walks. It’s a fun notion that is never used in the movie beyond that. At most he says “I’m hungry” about 45 minutes later and is told to go have nosh off-screen, but that’s it. Since Flash is constantly zipping around from moment to moment, I really wanted to see him always eating whenever he’s not doing something important. Like, every scene should have him munching on something different. He’ll be chowing down on this big burrito in the background as the camera slightly pans away to someone talking, and then when it pans back he’s got a tub of Ben & Jerry’s under his arm. Or in any scene where he has to stand still for more than 10 seconds, each time the camera cuts back to him, there’s increasingly large and varied stacks of discarded food containers scattered around him.

Or, hell, just have him share his snacks with the others. It would’ve been super cute for him to offer Diana some ice cream and have her be genuinely delighted in return.

Except, y’know, that would require Diana to actually have character in this movie…

The strongest scene in the entire movie to me (and certainly to a bulk of the audience for how vocal a reaction it got in the theater) was right after Supes is resurrected. He’s all addle-brained and violent because he’s still grave-groggy, so he starts fighting the League members. As he’s being dogpiled by the rest, Flash kicks into superspeed and starts running around him. The movie shows the rest of the world freezing in place from Flash’s point of view… until Supes’ eyes start tracking Flash’s movement ever so slowly. That single point made for a fantastic “OH SHIT” moment that nothing else in the film managed to hit quite as well. Unfortunate on the whole, but I will give points for that one, if nothing else.

Supes actually tries to fight Flash with both of them going at superspeed, which is a neat bit as well. It’s clear in watching how they’re moving that Supes is indeed slower, but only just, and it’s more because Flash is so startled that anyone can begin to keep up with him - along with his own inexperience - that Supes takes him out pretty quickly. The same can’t be said for the big bad of the film. Steppenwolf is effectively invincible to everything the entire movie, including the heroes. Attacks literally bounce off him without him even realizing they landed in the first place. The League members do their best to fight him and will, from time to time, manage to put him through a wall or stagger him before he knocks them through several buildings himself. But because everyone is pretty much the same level of invulnerable, the fights become pointless because they’re just knocking each other around through papier-mâché set pieces without effect.

But then Supes shows up and instantly trivializes whatever threat Steppenwolf was supposed to have. It’s played like Awakened Neo verses the Agents in the first Matrix movie, right down to the whole “leaning casually away from a mega-punch” move. Supes casually walks all over this villain without any effort whatsoever, actually leaves the fight entirely for a few minutes to go save a building full of civilians (by literally picking up the entire apartment complex over his head and flying away with it, because all effort at gritty realism is long gone), and then comes back to derisively snark “Is this guy still bothering you?” at the rest of the group. And y’know what? Even with all that, the heroes don’t even kill off the bad guy. He gets swarmed by his own mindless Parademons for absolutely no good reason, because apparently suddenly a bunch of canon fodder minions that even Batman can take out in a toe-to-toe fight are powerful enough to overwhelm Steppenwolf?

The movie’s writing falls prey to two very common problems the comics suffer from, and it is purely a fault of the writers. You’ll often hear people say “Superman is a boring character - he’s got unlimited power so he’s impossible to write good stories for”, which is the hallmark of an unimaginative writer. The other common problem is many writers’ fondness for hoisting Batman up on a pedestal as this amazing genius who can do no wrong. We get both here. Batman is the driving force behind everything that happens and all other characters’ motivations, and yet is so vastly outclassed by their power at the same time that the movie struggles to find anything for him to do. Superman is so beyond powerful that he makes the rest of the movie and its entire cast obsolete - he can do anything in this version through brute force alone, so how is there any danger or conflict? He literally stops the destruction of the world by using brute strength to pull apart the three macguffins with his bare hands.

So… yeah. Justice League has a lot of problems if you look at it any harder than just “open eyes, turn off brain, eat popcorn”. If you can do those steps, it’s a passable bit of brainless fluff and flashy special effects. And it’s still a superior film to BvS by a vast margin.

#justice league #batman v superman #wonder woman

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