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tanith-rhea · 1 year

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Only Pretending #3

I declare the angst has STARTED! Muahahahahahah

Word count: 2.3k

Larissa woke up the next morning with a wry neck from sleeping on the couch and a headache to match the ones Wednesday gave her. The early sunlight was coming through her office window and warming her lap. You weren’t around; in fact, you’d left yesterday quite unexpectedly, with a kiss on her cheek.

God damn it, she thought to herself, exhausted from more than bad sleep. She had scared you away. Maybe her fingers tracing patterns on your shoulder, or the way she couldn’t keep from pulling you close when you were getting comfortable on her chest made you uncomfortable. You were only trying to familiarize yourself with being near her and she couldn’t keep her pine to herself.

It was bittersweet; the way she plainly described how she came to realise her adoring feelings towards you, and you thought it was a well-developed lie. “Makes perfect sense.” Yes, of course, it did because it was true.

She knew the safe course of action was to keep you at a distance. Since your first interactions, she’d been intrigued by your character, easily coming to respect you and the seriousness with which you treated your work, but also the sweetness you showed to the students. She hadn’t felt anything like it in quite some time.

Letting out a grunt, Larissa got up; searing pain in her neck. She still had some matters to take care of and needed to pack for the trip. She couldn’t afford a single misstep; it was infuriatingly important to her that Morticia bit her own tongue. One day she might be able to let it go, to stop caring, but that day hadn’t come yet.

While preparing for a shower, she internally lectured herself on the importance of self-control and how much of a fool she had made herself the previous night. You probably regrated agreeing to such a juvenile endeavour, she thought, acting lovesick to help a grown woman incapable of finding someone who liked her enough to consider even asking her out.

With a sharp intake of breath, she opened the shower curtain, already steeling herself for the day ahead.

You were finally enjoying some extra hours of sleep. With nothing more to do than to anxiously await your next encounter with Larissa or berate yourself for being such a handsy drunk, you decided sleeping and pretending everything was fine worked best.

However, not everyone agreed to your plans, and a knock came from your door.

“Coming!” You put on a robe and went to see who was bothering you in the quaint hour of ten a.m. It was Enid.

“Good morning, professor.”

“Enid? What are you doing here? Weren’t you going with the Addams two days ago?” You stepped to the side so the girl could get in.

“I told Wednesday I would see my family first and then go there,” her voice sounded strained as she walked in and looked around, avoiding your gaze.

“And you didn’t go to see your family?” You came to her, sitting on your bed and tapping the space beside you for her to sit. She did.

“I’m…” she took a deep breath, looking straight ahead with her eyebrows knit as if talking herself into continuing.

“Enid…” when she didn’t continue, you decided to give her a hand, “Why are you here?” you said softly, but still nudging her to tell you.

“There’s no one else I can talk to here,” she admitted in a whisper.

“I’m sure there are counsellors and even the principal that could talk to you. Why are you here, really?” you pressed.

“Because I think you can understand. Since you and the principal are together.”

What? How did she come to that conclusion?

“What was that?” you turned to look at her more attentively.

She remained silent, slowly raising her gaze to you in what looked like not-so-well-concealed apprehension.

“I heard teacher Alfred discussing with the coach. I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about. Hell, that’s what I’m worried about.”

“Razvan and Vlad shouldn’t be talking about this near students-“

“They weren’t! I was sneaking out to see the moon before it turns full” she interrupted you in a near panic.

“I’m not mad at you Enid, calm down.” You smiled and rubbed a hand on her back, she seemed very on edge. “Yes, I suppose now that you know I won’t deny it. Larissa and I are together, but we would like to keep it a secret for now.”

You felt bad for lying to her, but it was very convenient, and Enid would be at the party, so the small tingling in your chest had everything to do with your plan working and nothing at all with how good it felt to say the words.

“Are you here to discuss that? Because that wasn’t my impression. Are you worried someone will know?”

“Not about you, no. You’re a very cute couple, by the way! Congrats!” She smiled weakly at that. “What I’m worried about is that my parents will find out about me…”

You didn’t understand at first. Wednesday and Enid had been together for almost seven months, you thought, and before they were just so onto each other’s tails that it seemed even longer.

“Your parents don’t know? That’s why you didn’t go home?” you said gently, pulling her closer to your side.

“Yes. I promised Wednesday I would tell them, but my mother will throw me out, I know it! I already took too long to wolf out and now the prospect of not giving her grandchildren-“

“Woah there, slow down!” You interrupted, getting up to kneel in front of her. “You are too young to worry about this.”

“But my mom-“

“Your mom shouldn’t be worrying about this now either. You’re seventeen and that is so far away in the future.” You stood up to kneel at her feet, squeezing her shoulders in the hope that she’d understand. “It’s ok to feel scared. I was too when I was your age and look at me now. I left my home, studied, made friends to whom I owe my life, built a career and ended up at the most incredible school in the world, teaching the most amazing students I ever met. And you are one of the most astounding within them; I’m sure one way or another your mother knows that.”

You felt her crying before you saw it, her shoulders moving with a hiccup. You hugged her tightly and waited for the sobs to subside, crying was good; the tension slipped away with the tears and left everything a bit less heavy.

When she stilled, breathing softly on your damp robe, you separated and put some of her hair behind her ears, taking her face in your hands.

“I say you don’t worry. Wednesday won’t be disappointed in you, your mother won’t be able to negate your endless set of abilities and good qualities, and I’ll be here every time you need a shoulder or advice.” You stroked her cheek with your thumb, and she smiled, covering your hands with hers and uniting them between you as she stood.

“Thank you, professor l/n, I knew you’d understand.” She hugged you with more strength than you thought she possessed. “I’m really happy for you and principal Weems.” And with that, she skipped out of the room.

“I’m really happy for you and principal Weems” suddenly the tingling wasn’t there anymore, and that only hurt.

That night, Larissa opened the door before you could knock. Eyebrows set harshly atop steely eyes, creating a powerful picture of cold-controlled rage.

“How does Enid know?” she hastened you inside with a hand on your elbow. You didn’t really understand what was happening, but you were equally fearful and excited by her firm grip on you.

“What happened? Did she say something?” Larissa closed the door forcefully and let go of your arm, marching into the office and leaning against her desk; one hand massaging her forehead and another steading her on the flat surface.

“She came this afternoon to say ‘congratulations.’” She tilted her head to the side, prompting an explanation.

“I didn’t tell her. She visited this morning to ask my opinion on something and told me Vlad and Razvan were talking about it.” You approached slowly, her eyes accompanying you all the way until you sat at the chair in front of her. Her angered gaze reminded you of the very few times in the past when she had been pushed to the limit by students. If you had a principal looking at you like that as a teen, you’d have been to detention many more times than you did. “She promised not to tell anyone. And we had a serious conversation, so I don’t think she was just saying it to appease me,” your voice was soft, and you could tell Larissa believed you from the way her anger melted into resignation.

“I think it’s a good sign we’re not on her Instagram page yet,” she conceded, “I was just worried this could be blown out of proportion by all students thinking it was true.”

The thought made you smile. If Enid had written about your “secret relationship”, maybe you would have had to pretend for a little longer than a weekend.

“No, she’s safe. And she’ll be at the party, so that’s a bonus on our cover.”

“Is she?” Larissa relaxed a bit and dropped her other hand to casually rest beside her body. You wished you had a camera or any drawing skills to capture her figure at the moment, leaning in a very soft angle backwards, wondering expression and slightly unkept hair from recent stress. If you didn’t have the context you could almost imagine other ways she would have messed up her perfectly styled waves.

“Yes.” You got up, suddenly unable to keep still, and walked directly to her front, pondering on whether to put or not your hand on hers and deciding not yet. “But I think we have other things that actually need our attention right now.”

Her face lighted up with amusement and a mischievous quirk of her eyebrow forced you to look away, biting your cheek, “Oh my, I didn’t know we were like that already.”

You hid your face in your hands and groaned, walking away a few steps.

“I’m just messing with you, don’t worry,” her soft chuckle sounded nearer than before, and you turned to see her right behind you with two glasses and a bourbon in hand. She gestured to the sofa. “Shall we begin?”

You talked more about how you started, when you did, how things went at the beginning and why you still hadn’t gone public. The drink was stronger than the other night and burnt while going down. You didn’t need more than a pour and a half for your inhibition to fly throw the window, but Larissa seemed just fine. You could bet she liked stronger things. You liked it as well, but she was made for it.

“Alright, enough of imaginary dates and made-up happenings. I want to know you,” you said after almost an hour of just that, “If I dated you for the past five months I’m bound to know things about you that most people don’t,” you were far too comfortable being blunt to be sober.

“Okay, what would you like to know?” her voice was soft. She put her glass away and leant on her forearm, elbow resting atop the backrest.

“What’s your favourite food?”

She laughed. Not the belly laugh you adored so much, but a gentler one, quieter, and you could almost say you loved it if that wouldn’t make things harder.

“I don’t think I have a favourite food. I like pasta, cheese, hamburger-“

“Ok, what? How do you go from fancy to ‘I like hamburger’?” you snorted ungracefully. She seemed amused.

“Pasta is not fancy, it’s pasta, and cheese is an ingredient, so what are you talking about?”

“Oh, don’t gimme that!” You pointed at her, smiling way too much.

“I didn’t know there was a rule against liking hamburgers-“

“No, there’s just a rule saying that stunning, posh, scotch-drinking, British women can’t like the food we mortals do.”

“I drink more hot chocolate than scotch, I’ll have you know!

“Shut up! You can’t be normal, you’re too good for that!’

She was laughing and you were feigning indignation and it all felt so good you thought your heart would explode in happiness.

When she calmed down, her eyes glimmered softly, and she was smiling almost as if fond of you. You knew it was your alcohol-addled brain, but you wanted so desperately to get closer.

You didn’t sit as the other night; she was at the end of the sofa and you were in the middle, there were maybe six inches between you but it felt like miles.

“…Do you think we should be closer?” you almost whispered. Damn if you weren’t the most horrible drunk on earth. You knew you would regret it the second you asked.

She didn’t respond, just looked at you quizzically, like you were a puzzle she couldn’t figure out. You thought you were quite obvious, but maybe she was more inebriated than she appeared.

“Would you be comfortable with that?” did she still doubt it?

“I mean… we’ll have to, once we get there. If not now when we can consent, imagine then.” You would always consent, of course, but the look of hurt on Larissa’s face and her dry swallow made it clear the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Suddenly you could not take it anymore. You felt tears forming in your eyes and your chest tightened. You had to leave. You quickly got up, surprising her and yourself; your legs weren’t also expecting it and you almost stumbled over before scurrying to the door.

“Y/n?” you heard her get up before opening the door.

“I think that’s good enough for now, we can continue on the way there.” You rushed to say and left the room, walking the faster you could to your quarters with a hand on your mouth to stifle your sobs.

Chapter Four

#larissa weems #female reader #normie!reader #teacher!reader #fake/pretend relationship #angst #hehehe #principal weems #larissa weems x reader #principal weems x reader

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ae-neon · 1 year

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What Should Nesta Have Done? (Cabin Years Ramble)

okay this came about as a response to THIS post (I'm linking because I don't want to invalidate the take, this is just my opinion which is informed by my own bias) @mariekecath I hope you don't mind, I just like to ramble

In response to OP's excerpts, I said

Literally in the last two excerpts 1) Nesta is making sure Feyre doesn't get robbed, which she explains and 2) goes out to chop wood AGAIN, without being asked to

You know who did nothing and was asked nothing by Feyre? Elain. Feyre also only ever favoured Elain in that way and then never really held her accountable or even pressed the issue of Rhys forgiving Elain but not Nesta because "NeStA iS iLLyRiAn"

Feyre and Nesta are two sides of the same coin, something Feyre acknowledges in the first few chapters. Feyre does good but her thoughts can be brutal and selfish - she wishes her family would die, she says it's okay her mother died because they have one less mouth to feed, she thinks Andras might be a Fae and kills him thinking good riddance.

And that's fine that's just who she is in these harsh circumstances, that's how she deals with everything

Nesta just says all of it out loud. The acotar slut shaming comment was in defense of her relationship with Tomas, who she loved at that point. She goes to chop wood twice, even if she complains about doing it. She stands up to the CoTB because of what the Fae did to the humans. Nesta doesn't trust the mercenaries but resists and HL's glamour + takes a two day journey to the wall to try bring Feyre back. She also tries to make up when Feyre returns.

[I hope this doesn't come off as mean or harsh, I'm just trying to fit as much as I can in this limited word count.]

Feyre dislikes her whole family except maybe Elain but even then it's not like she's overly fond of her. That's just how they were. But they were family and they loved each other.

Until sjm overplayed the cruel step sisters trope to try make Feyre's trauma backstory comparable to the Fae when she abandoned that Feyre's humanity was what made her special.

@wolfnesta had a great response to the initial post: HERE

I see a lot of "I acknowledge what Nesta did" vs "Nesta bears no responsibility" stuff these days and I get how Nesta fans can find themselves on either side.

But I think it's important to acknowledge an important factor in this : sjm is a bad author.

This might be an uncomfortable statement for some of you because after all; SJM wrote Nesta, many fans are readers of all three of her series and she obviously has all of us so wrapped up in these worlds, right?

Well, no. She is a bad author. She is inconsistent, lazy with her world building and character development, been called out for plagiarism, racism, sexism, portraying toxic behaviour as good and romanticizing abusive tendencies.

Personally, I wouldn't care about these bad elements if all the books were adult fantasies - and yes i know she was forced to publish under YA initially, but she should have taken that into account and changed the material to reflect that. That's her responsibility as an adult writing for teens.

ANYWAYS ALL THAT TO FINALLY GET TO THE POINT OF THIS POST (SORRY)

If SJM had been a better author, her initial book (or at least her retconning) would have included acknowledging Elain and Nesta as fully fleshed out characters and reflecting that they did take part in life in the Cabin from cooking to cleaning.

If there can be a second daemati and whole scenes revisited and blatantly contradicted for Rhysand's sake - then Nesta could have had a small gig as a governess at the Beddor house, Elain could have been Papa A's primary caretaker and planted herbs and veg alongside her flowers.

But SJM is a bad author. She could have humanised the characters who are supposed to be special specifically for their humanity by : let Feyre acknowledge her own sometimes selfish pov, give Nesta the credit she deserves for doing her part even if she complained about doing it, let Elain be an active person outside of (BOTH) her sisters coddling her.

Instead, Feyre must be fully fae-ized, complete with doubling down on the no nuance trauma porn backstory where she starts hunting at 14 years old? no I mean 11 years old? Well actually she was only 8 when her dying mother passed sole responsibilty of the family and Feyre immediately became the only human in a room full of NPCs.

[AGAIN JUST A REMINDER its Feyre who doesn't even ask Elain to do anything but expects it of Nesta and their disabled father. Feyre also only protects and coddles Elain. Feyre and Nesta are two sides of the same coin]

So in answer to the title; Nothing.

You either accept what Sarah Says and acknowledge Nesta and Elain were the evil step sister archetypes and credit them for their development - that alone makes Feyre the asshole for not painting Nesta but painting Elain.

OR you break the Sarah Says rule and think of them as 3D characters and acknowledge Feyre's bias towards her own struggle neglects to take into account her sister's contributions (- which again makes Feyre the asshole for not painting Nesta but painting Elain)

#acotar #sjm is a bad author #nesta archeron #elain archeron #anti feyre #just in case #but its not #anti sjm #anti acomaf #its the worst book #sjm critical #nesta deserves better #pro nesta

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katieskarlette · 6 months

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I watched the trailers and read the Blizzcon '23 stuff on WoWhead.

Meh. Not the spark I was looking for to rekindle my passion for the game.

(Morose lack of enthusiasm for 11.0, and Shadowlands postmortem below.)

Instead of getting hyped for upcoming content, it just makes me feel bad about how little I care anymore.

I used to be on the edge of my seat, palms sweating, happily freaking out about new cinematics and new expansion releases. I would plan ahead and take time off to watch the Blizzcon livestream, and stock up on food I could eat while glued to the screen. Today I got home from work and turned on my computer...and only then remembered that Blizzcon was today. After seeing the trailers and stuff I'm like, "Okay. I guess that's fine. Whatever." [Garrosh voice] Times change. [/Garrosh voice]

I didn't expect the news about upcoming expansions to knock my socks off, though. If Dragonflight, an expansion that was practically custom-made to focus on my favorite lore, didn't rekindle my love for WoW, nothing was going to.

That said, I'm still underwhelmed. I can't say that Alleria, Thrall, and Magni are characters I'd be super excited to hang out with. (It was a nice touch to have Thrall going gray, though.)

Xal'atath (sp?) is pretty cool but forgive me for being wary considering the track record for female villains in this franchise.

Anduin...very mixed feelings there. I'm glad he's back, and it was nice to hear Josh Keaton's voice again. I don't recognize him physically anymore, except those baby blue eyes, which is probably why the cinematic spent so much time zoomed in uncomfortably close on his face. I get that that's the point, that he's grown up and gotten grizzled, but he looks and feels like a completely different person.

I think part of the problem is that we didn't get to see him changing. He went from dropping his sword to resurrect an army and being stubbornly optimistic in BFA, to weary but still full of the Light in the cutscenes with Sylvanas in Torghast, to completely blank (save one glimmer) while under Zovaal's domination, to this broken, unstable, self-loathing shell of a man in the 11.0 cinematic. Even if we're generous and count the tiny conversation with Sylvanas at the end of her novel, we have to just imagine what happened to him in between then and now. It's okay to ask the audience to fill in some implied developments, but this is jarring. (I suppose it's possible we'll see more characterization in-game between now and then. I'm not optimistic, though.)

I imagine Anduin will go through an arc where the Light comes back to him, or he finds some kind of peace again and reclaims his throne, but I don't have the patience to wait around for it to happen, or the confidence that it would be done well.

I also can't separate the character's angst with the real-world consequences of Shadowlands sucking as hard as it did. Yeah, Anduin, you've been through absolute hell--so have we. You haven't recovered--and neither have I.

When they had him do the "Arthas pointing Frostmourne just left of the camera lens" pose, instead of going "Ooh, I recognize that! That was cool!" it just reminded me of all the times they did fanservice callbacks to the Lich King in Shadowlands, only to shit all over that part of lore. That's the last thing I want to be reminded of.

It was a bold move to reveal the names and story hooks of the next two expansions, but rather than whet my appetite it just removed the hope that "maybe the next expansion will be better." Nope, it'll be more of the cosmic bullshit that I don't care about: Light, Void, Titans, etc. It's okay in small doses, but it's not the kind of story that pulled me in and made me fall in love with the world.

I hate to say it, but this might be the nail in the coffin for me. I definitely miss the glory days of WoW when it was a huge part of my life and I got so much enjoyment out of it, but I'm beginning to realize that those days aren't coming back. When I think of all the hours and dollars I invested in the franchise it makes me want to cry--not that I regret any of it. I just wish the spark hadn't gone out for me.

I had been so immersed for so many years that maybe it was just time for it to run its course. The social climate has also changed a lot for me, from a thriving guild during MoP, to sporadic bursts of people logging on in Legion and early BFA, to a ghost town in mid-to-late BFA and SL. Strangers can be rude and elitist, making pugging more stressful than fun. I've also been concentrating a lot on my own original writing in the last year.

Those are factors, to be sure, but I do have to lay a lot of the blame on Shadowlands. I had gotten past so-so expansions before. Cataclysm wasn't the best, but all the Firelands stuff was fun, and some of my favorite dragons got screen time. MOP was freaking fantastic. WoD was a dud expansion for me, but there was enough to keep me busy and playing right up to the end. Legion was awesome. BFA wasn't great, and the loss of Teldrassil left a very sour taste, but it had good leveling content, some fun characters, and generally enough stuff going on to tide me over. It was going in a pattern of great expansion, not-so-good expansion, great expansion, not-so-good expansion, and that was okay.

Then Shadowlands came, and it was grimdark, overly serious, cosmic-scale stuff, headed by the most aggressively boring villain the series had ever had. There were a ton of new characters, and, except for Denathrius, Renathal, and Theotar (and Merileth and his slimes, in small doses), none of them interested me. The game systems somehow became even more fiddly, complicated and confusing time sinks than they were in BFA. The afterlife setup barely made sense, conflicted with past lore, complicated future lore, and was ultimately depressing as hell--you probably won't spend eternity with your loved ones, and even if you do, you'll probably end up as a blip of red energy that gets consumed and then cease to exist at all. That's just how I want to imagine all my favorite Warcraft characters ending up! (We probably didn't see Tirion Fordring because some blue guy in a toga needed his anima to grow better grapes. FFS.)

But the worst aspect of Shadowlands, IMO, was the way the pre-existing characters were done dirty--every single one of them.

I don't know you manage to take one of the greatest paladins of all time, then turn him into fiery overlord of the undead, and have him be boring, but there's Bolvar. Get that man a throat lozenge and some personality. Taelia got cameos in which they mentioned their relationship, but nothing ever came of it. He was a father figure to Anduin in the king's youth, but you wouldn't know it by what they did/said in SL. Going by BFA and SL, freaking Saurfang was more of a father figure to Anduin than Bolvar, who literally raised him for several years of his childhood.

Nathanos got an epic sendoff courtesy of Tyrande in the prepatch, then got teased a few times without ever appearing or mattering again.

Sylvanas was a mess. I don't need to get into details; we all know the trainwreck of a story. The concept of making her soul complete again so she had to come to terms with what she had done was a promising one, but it was handled so clumsily and briefly that it was ultimately frustrating.

The less said about the Jailer, the better. I wanted so badly to like Zovaal, but he was the most flat, boring, paint-by-numbers Saturday morning cartoon villain in the franchise's history. Not interesting, not sympathetic, not fleshed out, not funny, not charismatic, not sexy, not scary--none of the things past Blizzard villains had going for them.

Uther's story was one of the better ones, but because of how closely tied it was to Arthas' story, and the unforgivably bad way that was handled, it ultimately fizzled.

Thrall was...fine? The bits with his mom were neat, but I couldn't stop thinking about what a crappy afterlife it would be to constantly fight, spy, scheme, and play politics, all while the supposed love of her life is nowhere to be seen. Poor Durotan.

Baine famously, frustratingly, amusingly in an if-you-don't-laugh-you'll-cry kind of way, did jack squat in the entire expansion. I know his arc got cut for time, but regardless of the reason he was yet another character whose involvement in SL was disappointing.

Jaina was wasted. Her history with Arthas (and, to a lesser extent, Anduin) could have made for some memorable, heart-wrenching story, but instead she was just a generic sorceress. That was especially disappointing given the respectful, deep treatment her character got in BFA. I know not every character can have the spotlight in every story arc, but the complete lack of personality she had in SL was especially jarring in contrast.

Anduin's arc should have been interesting, but we never got into his head enough to really feel what he was feeling. We had that glimpse of his horror after stabbing the Archon, and he left his father's compass as a clue, but those were fleeting moments open to interpretation and not enough to offset the blank slate we got the rest of the time. Even that would have been forgivable, given the limits of storytelling in a game, but the thing that sticks in my craw the most is that constant, blatant Arthas parallels led to...nothing. Anduin would have been just as devastated to be mind-controlled into doing evil stuff even if Arthas had never existed. Arthas meant nothing to Anduin. The only time he met the man was as an infant. They weren't related. Nobody in-universe was comparing them. Garrosh compared himself to Arthas in the War Crimes novel, and Anduin fleetingly thought about Arthas when he befriended Calia in Before the Storm, but that's it. Even as hokey as it would have been to make Anduin secretly Jaina and Arthas' son, at least that would have explained two expansions' worth of in-your-face parallels between the two characters. But no. It all came across as fanservice--or fan teasing--and had no payoff.

Speaking of Arthas, arguably the most famous and recognizable character in the franchise (competing with Illidan and Scantily-Clad Female Night Elf #17 for the top spot)...

After being teased about his possible involvement or whereabouts all expansion long, after they milked every possible drop of nostalgia out of his story in an attempt to make SL palatable, after all the flashing red arrows calling our attention to parallels between him and Anduin, despite his importance to three prominent characters (Uther, Sylvanas, and Jaina), Arthas never did anything (boss mechanics don't count), never had a line of dialogue, never appeared in a form we recognized, got insulted and belittled by Sylvanas one last time, and disappeared in a flicker of blue plasma that was less impressive than a drunk frat boy lighting his farts with a match.

So yeah. Toss Shadowlands in the trash heap (except Sire Denathrius). It was so bad it tainted the entire franchise for me, so that I couldn't even enjoy the long-awaited dragonpalooza that followed.

Phew, that was a long rant, and the first time I've written about WoW in ages. I guess it just goes to show that I have deep roots in the franchise that come along with strong feelings--which makes it all the harder to accept that I may not even buy the next expansion. I suppose I'll weaken when the time comes, but I'm certainly not shelling out for the collector's edition or other bells and whistles.

But then the Li'l Wrathion in-game pet stares at me from another browser tab, and I think about the new Wrathion plushie, and I'm like...DAMN IT, why couldn't you have done this years ago? :(

Anyway, sorry to be a downer, but I'm kind of in mourning, in a weird way, as I come to terms with the way I feel--or more importantly, don't feel--about Warcraft now.

#negativity ahoy #rambling about wow

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aranarumei · 2 months

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I think simply a character study is a fic that kinda challenges/explores a characters development? Obviously most fics have the characters thoughts in it but the difference between a regular fic about Kagiura and a character study I think would have Kagiura be more introspective (think of how Kagiura&hirano are in chapter one, versus some of their most domestic chapters where things go “unsaid”) I think ppl also use the tag as an excuse to get more nitty gritty about that characters flaws as well as using metaphors/some kind of external situation to characterize that character, like if two characters were feuding over what “justice” means, then it could have them be involved in a low stakes conflict which they implicitly represent their side of that argument but they still end up talking about the conflict without talking about it if that makes sense? It’s basically like “the story is a curtain over the actual story” is the way I think about it

ohh this is a really interesting explanation! first off, anon, thank you for taking the time to write such a thorough response! and brave of you considering how untimely i am about answering asks LOL.

"the story is a curtain over the actual story" does make a bit of sense to me! I think the issue I keep running into is like. this is... kind of how i write most (if not all) of my fics nowadays? take kagiura and hirano for example. if I write a fic and I'm like "hm. this fic is about kagiura & hirano on a valentines day date" the reason I'd be writing that fic would be because I would think to myself "oh i want to explore how hirano and kagiura deal with their relationship when the idea of romance is explicit, because I think hirano is actually fine being romantic, but shies away at the idea of having it be labelled as romance. so this fic would explore that." and so like.... is that a character study? hirano's not doing any introspection about himself because he's oblivious, but the point of the fic is to demonstrate / highlight this aspect of a character. but that's also just how i go into most of the fics I write. its like, "thing happens to character, and i use it to explore this aspect of a character"

I guess if I compare it to stuff I was writing in like, i dunno, 2017 or something, I could find things where it wouldnt count as a character study, like... i guess "kagiura and hirano are in this fantasy au and they are trying to find this rare dragon!" i suppose that's not really a characte study bc while there would be emotional tensions and stuff the plot is kind of more than just a vehicle for their introspection...?

but I think I end up feeling uncomfortable because it's like. well if that's the definition of a character study. boy do i have a lot of things to tag as one. which I feel personally weird about i guess. I think it's just a matter of figuring out where to draw the line, and that "line" is very blurry for me. but anyways, since it's a tag that I don't believe people will run towards or run away from, I'll live with not quite feeling secure whenever I decide to tag stuff. and for all the hand-wringing i just did here, I do think this clarifies the idea a bit more! so thank you!

#kiri.txt #ask #anon

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aminiatureworld · 3 years

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Shadowed Rationale

Characters: Albedo, Childe, Diluc, gn!reader

Word Count: 3,597

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: Some things aren’t terribly rational. And some responses are even less so. But what other option is there? Revealing yourself can be a terribly embarrassing thing, isn’t it better to hide it?

In which the reader is afraid of the dark.

Author’s Note: I’ve decided to write based off my own prompt every two weeks. Mostly because I realized I can no longer think of ideas, and also cause I’m a bit writer’s blocked and I’d feel bad writing requests right now. This premise is pretty cheesy, but sometimes simple starting points are the best to build upon! Besides it was a really a chance to work on my atmosphere, sometimes putting an image in your mind on paper is quite difficult, especially when it comes with an unsettling sort of mood.

All the characters I chose are characters I saw at least some point in the 1.4 teaser stream (Kaeya, Xiao, and Zhongli are tomorrow). I’m so excited! Although I have to apologize to Venti, sorry I have no idea how to write you so I chose not to.

I realize I idealize some of these characters (ie: Childe) quite a bit. I hope that they still keep their individuality, that they still stay in character. That being said I’m quite happy with how this turned out to be, so I hope you like it.

Albedo

It’s not that you didn’t trust Albedo. Indeed Albedo sometimes felt like the only person in the world you could trust.

It was simply that, though you two had been in a relationship for the past four months or so, you still wanted to impress him in some way. Or at least not seem like a total idiot. And to you the most idiotic thing you could think of was your fear of the dark.

It wasn’t that it was a totally irrational fear, of course humans were afraid of the dark, how else could they have survived this long? It was more that the fear felt irrational now. And besides, you had a vision. Your partner had a vision. You two were more than equipped for anything that might be lurking in the shadows. Besides it’s not as if your fear had a tangible image in your mind. It was more like a cloud, a miasma, which filled you with anxiety.

You knew you should tell him, knew he’d be nothing less than a perfect gentleman about the matter. But your pride was too great, or perhaps it was your embarrassment. Either you said nothing. And here you were now, in Wolvendom, in the middle of the night, desperately trying not to jump at every shadow you passed.

Albedo wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to your nervous disposition; once he’d found something to experiment with he developed the slightly unhelpful habit of blocking the rest of the world out completely. Not that that was terrible for you in current circumstances. Maybe you’d make it out of here with your dignity intact.

That optimism however was drowned out by the oppressive anxiety you felt. Though Albedo had assured you that his connections had managed to get Razor’s promise that no wolves would bother the two of you it was still difficult to contain the shiver up your spine every time you heard their distant howling. The landscape didn’t help, comprised of sharp drops and trees which seemed as if they’d never been alive in the first place. The long cavern in which you two walked seemed too vulnerable, too low to the ground with no way to protect yourself either from behind or above. The valleys were crawling with hilichurls, and you’d occasionally see the silhouette of a wolf or two. You could make out the old Monstadt as well, if you gazed westward, and the solitary, crumbling turret cut an eerie figure against the inky sky.

As Albedo studied the lamp grass that was the reason for your expedition – as he’d developed a curiosity in regards to their luminescence, how it was created and how it might be extracted and experimented upon – you looked around you. Though there was nothing in sight to be afraid of you still found yourself going to draw your weapon, though you were loath to actually do so, not wanting to look silly. After all, only a fool would attack the dark.

Luck, however, wasn’t on your side. You seemed to be spotting a figure, appearing at the other side of the valley in which you’d found yourselves in, walking straight towards you. You blinked rapidly, brain desperately trying to choose between whether or not it was a figment of your imagination. Surely it must be? What sort of cloaked figure would be wandering around in the dark? And yet the other half of your mind whispered that it must be something, something or someone, and that something or someone was fast approaching you. Was it? Or were you just imagining it? You truly couldn’t decide. Another howl echoed on the wind. Your senses were becoming too overwhelmed, too confused. Oh why were you there? Why oh why oh why?

You backed up slightly, brain now determined to see the shadow on the horizon as a human. Your hand clutched your weapon and you tried to remember if there was something, anything behind you. A ridge perhaps, so you might not have to worry about what was behind you, might be able in some ways to ground yourself.

Unfortunately luck wasn’t on your side, and instead of finding some point of security you found yourself tripping over your partner.

“Shit.” Albedo let out a curse as you fell backwards, hitting the ground with a loud thud. “My love are you alright?”

You said nothing, instead glancing back towards the other end of the valley. The figure seemed much skinnier from the ground, and for a moment you felt your brain cloud over in confusion. Then, as if all of a sudden your mind had put the pieces together, you felt a rush of relief, swiftly followed by embarrassment. A trunk. It was a tree trunk. Covering your face with your hands you groaned.

“Beloved?” Albedo asked once again. You looked up at him, a feeling of sheepishness and fondness washing over you as you saw the worried expression on his face.

“It’s nothing Albedo, I’m perfectly fine. It’s just… ah,” you let out a sigh, steeling yourself for the interaction you’d specifically hoped wouldn’t happen, “I’m, I’m afraid of the dark. My eyes were playing tricks on me just now, I thought I saw someone walking towards us. But it was just a tree.” You let out an embarrassed sort of sound, once more burying your face in your hands. Damn it. Now what were you going to do?

The feeling of fabric around your shoulders was a surprising one, and you quickly looked up. Albedo was crouching down beside you, having wrapped his coat around you. There was no sense of shame or embarrassment in his eyes, only love and a sense of caring.

“You should’ve told me.” He said, voice soft and warm. “I’m sorry I brought you along when it makes you so uncomfortable.”

“I’m sorry I’m being such a pain,” you replied, “it’s such a stupid fear of mine. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I felt like, like you’d think I was being irrational. Like I was being silly.”

“There’s nothing irrational about being afraid of the dark my love. It can be frightening after all, not being able to use all your senses to their full capacity. And even if it were an irrational fear, I wouldn’t look down on you for it. Alchemists, those who study the world, they cannot expect to always interact with what is perfect, what is always rational or what always makes sense. Neither are they infallible themselves. Besides,” he continued, brushing your hair out of your face, “I’d rather you be cautious over nothing than see you hurt.”

You found yourself unable to say anything, overcome by his words. It wasn’t that he’d said anything you hadn’t told yourself, you knew after all that being afraid of the dark wasn’t without a purpose, that it wasn’t utterly irrational in itself. But it felt different when Albedo said it. When you said it there was always your anxiety to counter it, when Albedo said it you accepted it as true. For it was Albedo who said it, and he’d never lie to you.

“Thank you.” You mumbled, hugging the coat closer around you, happy to be enveloped in something so familiar and comforting.

“Of course,” Albedo smiled, kissing you on your forehead, “I love you. So very dearly.”

The rest of the night you kept his coat wrapped around you. Although Albedo had quickly reverted to his informative sort of state he hadn’t forgotten what had passed, and every once in a while he’d give you a quick hug, or squeeze your hand in reassurance.

Overall it wasn’t such a terrible night.

Childe

There was no hiding your fears from Childe.

The man was the nosiest – or perhaps most observant – person you’d ever met, and he’d quickly put two and two together as soon as you’d started living together.

Unfortunately for you Childe also had the kind of work schedule that would make a surgeon’s job feel envious. And a part of that schedule entailed you staying up at all hours of the night, trying desperately not to jump at every sound.

You knew that it was going to be one of those nights, and as of such you’d decided to take a nap in the afternoon, so the lack of sleep wouldn’t weigh on you too much. The afternoon sun had been strong, and though you’d decided not to close the curtains you also didn’t bother to keep any of the lights on. After all it wasn’t supposed to be more than an hour long nap or so, and keeping the lights on felt like a bit of waste.

Your regret came the moment you opened your eyes to the pitch black of your room.

How did something change so drastically from daytime to nighttime? All the familiar figures around you seemed to have disappeared, or perhaps it was more accurate to say they’d been transformed. Now even your closet door seemed to have taken on a life of its own, wriggling within its frame as if possessed. The unobstructed window cut harsh lines along your floor, but it was a cloudy sort of night, and every once in a while even the moon would be snuffed out, sending your heart rate skyrocketing once more.

You were utterly and totally paralyzed. At first you’d drawn the covers over your head, hoping to block it all out, but it was a warm evening and quickly you found yourself throwing your blankets off, needing some unobstructed air, met once more with the terror of the dark.

Childe, you wished Childe were here. He always knew how to chase away the dark, how to make the books and the lamps and the dressers go back to their usual selves. His teasing annoyed you sometimes, but now you longed for the distraction. If only he weren’t so late. If only you’d paid better attention to the time, if only.

Your eyes darted around your room, as if seeking out something you knew wasn’t there. You knew that whatever you saw was an illusion, the result of your brain trying to piece something together, something to keep it from getting bored. You knew perfectly well that it was an explainable phenomenon. And yet fear is so very difficult to fight, so though you continued scolding yourself for your nonsensical actions, you also continued to look around, sure that you’d find something if only you paid enough attention.

Time had frozen along with you, and you were so preoccupied with your fear that the door opening came as a terrible shock. You jumped, adrenaline racing through your veins, but the muffled “I’m home” was what you’d been waiting for. You just needed to go greet him. The moment you got out of your room and to the light of the kitchen it’d be alright. But you were still frozen, and though your mind screamed at your limbs to move you found there was no escaping the sort of spell that had been cast by your fear.

The sliver of light from the hallway finally began to eat away at your trance. The door opening to reveal Childe was what completely broke it.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Childe asked, a look of concerned plastered on his face. You let out a strangled sort of cry as an answer, fumbling off the bed before catapulting straight into his arms, burying your face in his chest. Childe immediately reciprocated the hug, stroking your hair in a soft, soothing motion. It hadn’t taken much to put the pieces together. What else after all could it be.

“It was the dark, wasn’t it?” He asked, whispering a faint “ah” in response to you nodding your head. “It’s okay my darling, I’m here. You don’t have to be afraid anymore, alright? It’s okay, it’s alright. It must’ve been very frightening to be alone.” His voice was almost melodic, the sotto tone slowly coaxing you back to yourself.

How confused would people be, you thought to yourself, how confused they’d be if they realized how kind Childe truly is. But you were grateful for that kindness. Right now it was what you needed. There’d be teasing tomorrow, teasing and bantering, and everything that was the usual Childe. But right now there was only comfort and softness, and you thanked Childe and the archons for it.

The rest of the night was a sedate one. You were both tired, Childe from his work, you from not only yours but the terrible fright you’d had. The two of you had eaten a late dinner, chairs pulled up next to each other, hands intertwining intermittently. There wasn’t much talking, instead you two enjoyed being in each other’s presence; the familiarity and comfort it brought.

Though the night was still warm you found yourself cuddling, arms wrapped around one another, legs tangled together. The beating of Childe’s heart steadied you, his breathing reminded you that he was there, that you were safe now. You didn’t have to fear the demons that your mind imagined. He’d scare them away for you.

It was difficult to keep secrets from Childe, and in the beginning the urge had been there. Who would want a significant other who jumped at shadows and was always spinning tales of the dark in their head? Especially someone like Childe who was so confident, so self-possessed. It was shameful, a part of you told yourself, how could he bear it?

But you were glad he’d figured it out, that you couldn’t keep secrets from him. Because at the end of the day Childe knew you best, knew how to keep the fear and the anxiety at bay, knew that being afraid of the dark, although worth a little teasing, didn’t make you any less of a mature and intelligent human being. And for that you loved him.

You loved him so much.

Diluc

“I know this might be sudden, but I want you to move into the Winery.”

That simple sentence had the adverse effect of completely messing up your life.

Your initial reaction had essentially been to buffer. Living together with Diluc, living with the person you loved above all others, it really seemed like a dream come true. Like something you’d wish to happen without any hope of said wish being realized. And yet it wasn’t a dream. He’d actually asked you. Diluc had actually asked you to live with him.

Once you’d gotten over your initial euphoria however a problem seemed instantly to present itself. That problem being that you were absolutely terrified of the Winery after dark.

I mean, who wouldn’t be? It was an old building, old enough for servants to whisper about lights that turned on without prompting, about footsteps coming down the empty halls, about people of old stepping out of their portraits and dancing the night away. It was absolutely terrifying to you, who already looked upon the dark with no little suspicion. And although the occasional night with Diluc was fine, you weren’t sure if you could deal with waiting in such a vast, creaking space alone.

But you didn’t want to tell Diluc that. Because though you were indeed a bit terrified, living with him did sound heavenly. It was something you dreamed of, and you didn’t want Diluc to come away with the wrong impression, the idea that you somehow thought he was being too familiar or going too fast. The thought of telling Diluc about your predicament never crossed your mind in the span of the conversation. After all it wasn’t as if he could do anything about it, he couldn’t very well redo the entire winery. Besides, it was such a silly fear, telling him about it would feel like you were making a mountain out of a molehill.

Eventually your mind settled on an answer: dragging the matter out. Professing your happiness at the idea you told him that it would require some mulling over, not to mention the paperwork in regards to the apartment you were currently living in. Diluc took it all with perfect understanding, assuring you that he could wait. “Besides,” he’d said, “what’s a little while when compared to the rest of our lives?” You’d blushed profusely at that, burying your face in Diluc’s neck. Yes, it would be alright in the end. And with that you pushed it out of your mind.

For the time being.

Although Diluc had many virtues patience was – perhaps surprisingly – not among them. Not more than three days had passed before he mentioned it again. Not that you were unhappy about it, no it wasn’t that. Nor did you feel pressured by him, you certainly didn’t. It was just the question of the Winery itself, and the fear that hung over your head like a sword. Just some time, a little more time.

The days turned into weeks, then almost a whole month, the whole time being wrapped up in your little song and dance. Diluc was evidently feeling dejected, but though you felt more than a little guilty about the whole matter, you still continued stalling.

Finally though things came to a head.

“My dear I understand if you don’t want to move in, but please just tell me!” Diluc burst out, voice dripping with frustration. “I understand if this is going too fast, I understand if you’re overwhelmed, I understand if you realize you’re not ready. But you must tell me, you must tell me what you’re thinking or else I’ll never be able to put this at rest.”

“It’s not that.” You assured him, shaking your head violently.

“Then what is it?” Your reply stuck in your mouth at his question. Why had it come to this? Conflicting emotions rose inside you, but all of them pointed towards one thing. You needed to tell him the truth. You needed to, or else this was going to turn into one of the stupidest rows you’d ever participated in.

“I… I’m afraid of the dark.” You replied softly, voice petering out to be no more than a whisper. Immediately the look of exasperation on Diluc’s face was replaced by one of concern.

“My dear?”

“I’m afraid of the dark,” you replied, this time with more force, “I’m afraid of the dark and I’m really afraid of the Winery after dark. So that’s why I’ve been putting it off. Not because I don’t want to move in, not because I think this is going too fast, but because the Winery makes me uncomfortable after dark. It’s so creaky and open and old and while that might be charming in the daytime, at night I feel like someone’s watching me.” You hugged yourself slightly, the image placed vividly in your mind. Yes, you did feel like you were being watched. Everywhere you turned you were surrounded by the eyes of those who were long gone, and it frightened you, how terribly it frightened you.

Diluc closed the distance between the two of you, wrapping you in his embrace. You reciprocated immediately, inhaling deeply, comforted by his presence.

“I’m sorry my dear, I didn’t know. If I had I’d have never proposed it.”

“You couldn’t’ve known,” your voice was slightly muffled by his jacket, “besides, I didn’t want to tell you. Because I knew you couldn’t do anything about it.” Lifting your head up you gazed at Diluc, who cupped your face with his hand.

“You don’t have to move in my dear.” Diluc’s voice was soft but firm, there was nothing but sympathy and encouragement in it. You smiled softly, leaning into the palm of his hand.

“But I want to. That’s the problem Diluc, I desperately want to move in. And yet I don’t know what to do. I can’t have you hanging around me each night. You’re the Darknight Hero. I cannot expect you to give that up for me. Even if you said you would I wouldn’t let you. I know how much it matters to you.”

There was a pause before Diluc spoke again. “Then let me suggest this. We see ways that we might accommodate. Perhaps a night lamp or some such thing. Or perhaps I need to pay more attention to the structure of the Winery. We’ll see what we can do together, and if nothing can be solved then we’ll find another way. Is that alright, my dear?”

“That sounds lovely.” You replied, finally smiling in earnest. What did you do to deserve such a human in your life? It felt like too much sometimes. You were experiencing such happiness as you seldom had before, not to such a degree. And you cherished it with all your heart.

It was the evening. You two were getting ready for the night, you preparing to go home, Diluc preparing for the task ahead of him.

“You spoil me terribly, you know.” You said, planting a quick kiss on Diluc’s cheek. Diluc smiled slightly mischievously, leaning down to give you a proper kiss.

“I don’t spoil you.” He finally replied, expression softening to one of fondness. “And if there was anyone in the world worth spoiling it’s you. I love you my dear, I’d do anything for you.”

“And I for you.” Your reply was soft, you yourself overcome by the love you felt.

It’d be alright in the end. If you knew anything, you knew that. It’d be alright. Because you’d have the one you loved most in the world with you every step.

#this title is so pompous...#the other option was 'irrational'#Blatant wish fulfillment when it comes to wearing albedo’s coat #Also is Diluc’s too rushed?#genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #albedo #childe #diluc #albedo x reader #childe x reader #diluc x reader #scenarios #my writing

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animeyanderelover · 3 years

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Wooow! Finished all available seasons from Attack On Titan and it’s such a great Anime. The character development is more than just outstanding and I can’t wait until the Final season is being aired in my country! But for now let’s start with the basic Hc’s!

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, stalking, clinginess, delusions, paranoia, overprotectiveness, manipulation, sabotage, strict Yandere, mentions of kidnapping, death, torturing

Yandere Attack On Titan Hc’s

Eren Yeager

👊A trait that every character in Attack On Titan has is overprotective. He lost his mother and more comrades than he can count and won’t let anything harm his darling. One hell of an obsessive one who will bombard the s/o with questions about their life and interests. He’ll definitely steal a few of his darling’s things and will treasure them. He’s shown great character development and so I would say also the aware type who knows that such feelings are unhealthy. But due to trying desperately to justify his behavior he’ll have some delusional mood swings from time to time. I can see him even as the manipulative type who will pretend to just have an innocent crush on you and fool everyone when in reality it’s so much more.

👊Also the lovestruck, desperate and clingy type. He sees his darling as a gift from whoever lives up there in heaven and will probably worship the ground his s/o walks on. Poor boy went through a lot in only a few months since joining the scouts so it’s no wonder that he just really wants to hold and kiss his darling, showing them that they own his heart. He won’t leave his s/o’s side if he can because apparently even in the walls there is danger and he also doesn’t want anyone flirting with his darling.

👊Eren doesn’t have the best temper. But he’ll try to hold on just for his darling. Remember that the key word here is that he tries. He doesn’t have anything against it when Mikasa or Armin talk with his darling and can also hold on for a bit when it comes to his other friends, only exception being Jean on whom he keeps a sharp eye. But with other people he’s rather impatient, especially if they get too close to his darling. Will most likely start yelling and cursing at the person then and there, not caring that he makes a scene.

👊Eren is really impulsive, but he joined the scouts to protect mankind so he’ll feel very conflicted about that. I think he won’t kill. He most likely just starts having a fight with them. But sometimes his temper might get the best out of him and then he loses it, but for that to happen the person must have really pushed him over his limits. But he has to be smart about killing or else he’ll get in troubles. Might try to lure the person somewhere secure to finish them off in his Titan form and making sure that the body will never be found again.

👊He’s most of the time with you and has to believe in himself that he can protect you and also trusts Mikasa and Armin enough to keep you safe. But as soon as danger comes anywhere near you he’ll immediately start searching for you to protect you, especially if Titan’s are in the wall. After that he’ll lock you somewhere safe and sound up even if he managed to protect you and nothing happened to you. No one can blame him for being a bit paranoid.

👊Eren just really wants you safe and that’s perfectly understandable. He tries to show you that he can protect you, especially if you should ever witness him in Titan form where he wants to prove to you that he has control. He just really wants you to love him and appreciate him.

Mikasa Ackerman

🧣Mikasa is the overprotective and possessive Yandere, but only in the best ways possible. She lost her parents, her foster parents and so many more people so no wonder that she’s so scared over her darling’s safety and wants to keep them by her side for all time. Even though she might look cold on the outside, she’s an incredibly caring one on the inside and will often tell her darling how beautiful they are and how much she loves them.

🧣Also a stalker and obsessive one. She of course prefers to be with her darling, but she accepts it if her s/o wants some private time alone and will leave them be. She tries at least, but in the end she decides to rather watch from a safe distance so she can step in as soon as danger encounters her darling. Since she’s a stalker she’ll see a lot from what her darling is doing and will grab on every piece of information she can get of them like her life depends on it. Might even steal a few things from them here and there. The aware one who knows that she shouldn’t do that, but the world is a cruel place.

🧣Mikasa is perfectly fine with you talking to others. I can see her as someone who knows that she’s good looking and that everyone would love to be in her darling’s place. She also trusts her darling greatly. The only times when she gets jealous is when the other person gets a bit too comfortable with the s/o.

🧣She’s in comparison to Eren much more calmer. But she can get hella brutal if a person she loves is in danger and will take things in her hands quickly. She can be very reasonable and Mikasa is very intimidating if she wants to be. To get her mad a person has to threaten or hurt her darling. But she’s smart and will make a plan on how to kill that person without arousing any suspicions.

🧣Her darling’s happiness is important to her and since she’s almost all the time watching I think she won’t resort to kidnapping. That however changes the moment someone possesses a threat to you. As soon as she hears that her s/o is in danger she’ll instantly defend you and after she took care of the threat she’ll start checking if you’re hurt. After such incidents she’ll become more protective and will stick closer to her darling’s side.

🧣Mikasa is my favorite Yandere in here. She really tries to not scare you away with her partially unhealthy feelings and accepts the fact that you have other people in your life as well. She does know that you’re a grownup, but I can see her as someone who will baby you as often as she can and who will always find excuses to spend time with you.

Armin Arlert

🐚Armin is a wonderful mix of delusional, yet aware. He’s got some brain and actually knows that his feelings aren’t normal, but he just sees his darling as a god/goddess walking on earth and will just start thinking of it as really strong romantic feelings. As everyone else in here overprotective. He saw the people in Shinganshina die, he lost his grandfather and he witnessed how Eren got eaten from a Titan and has every reason to be overprotective over his darling. Also an incredibly clingy one who needs to be near you all the time.

🐚Lovestruck and a worshipper. This guy just wants to proof his worth to his s/o and would do everything what they tell him. I think he might even go as far as not caring if his s/o uses him as long as they accept him which makes him a really desperate one as well. Such a desperate one for his s/o’s love and approval. If you don’t acknowledge him he’ll feel absolutely unworthy. He’s smart and might be a very potential manipulative type, but I think he would try to not use that on his darling often. But there are certain trigger events where he’ll let his genius side shine through in a bad way. That happens when his darling tries to leave him, ignores him for someone else or is in danger.

🐚Armin doesn’t really think of himself that great and is often highly insecure about himself so if he feels jealous he wouldn’t have the courage to step in. Instead his self insecurity just increases. But he jumps over his shadow when he sees someone making you uncomfortable.

🐚Here this boy let’s his manipulative side shine through because he doesn’t want to kill people. Instead he uses his brain to somehow start spreading rumors about the person which will make other people more suspicious around said person.

🐚He would never kidnap his darling. When they’re in danger he’ll talk them into going somewhere save so he can make sure that they aren’t harmed. He often entrusts Eren and Mikasa with the protection of his darling if he can’t do it himself or feels like he won’t be able to do it alone.

🐚You might feel actually bad for Armin because of the fact how submissive he is to you and how dependent he is for your love. But I also believe that if someone pushes his buttons the wrong way he might turn into a little devil who will use manipulations with the reasoning to keep you save.

Jean Kirschstein

🐴Jean is a stalker and the aware type. He’s ashamed of his rather abnormal feelings for his darling and I can also see him as someone who thinks he is way out of their league to even be near them. So he just watches and follows his darling everywhere. Obsessive because he just found an angel walking on this rotten world so it’s only natural that he wants to know everything about them. A lovestruck one who thinks of his darling as an angel from heaven. He fell in love at first sight.

🐴A manipulative one, but in a different sense. He’ll try to befriend his s/o’s friends and will try to come in contact with his darling’s parents, trying to leave a really good impression on them so that they’ll introduce him to his s/o. Since he’s ashamed of his behavior he needs a lot of reassurance, making him a desperate one as well. He’s also the overprotective one since basically anytime something could happen to you.

🐴Jean gets quickly jealous, but since he’s ashamed of his feelings and doesn’t think he has the right to interrupt his darling he’ll just watch from the distance. If he gets courageous he might suddenly step in, especially if the other person gets touchy with the s/o. Then he’ll become a hothead.

🐴Jean needs a good reason to kill a person, but if the situation calls for it he’s ready to take someone’s life it means protecting his darling. He would only do that if someone plans to harm his darling.

🐴He watches most of the time and respects his s/o’s wishes, but if they get harmed and he couldn’t do anything, he might become slightly more paranoid and will beg them to stay in their house and will also try to talk parents and friends into thinking like him.

🐴Jean is only focused on your happiness and well-being and would never dream of hurting you. But it can be from time to time creepy when he just follows you around and watches you for hours. But he’ll make sure to never get caught by you or someone else.

Sasha Blouse

🍖Sasha is the clingy and lovestruck Yandere. She just adores her darling with everything she’s got and never, never leaves their side. She’ll always follow them around and can’t stop talking about them. Overprotective for obvious reasons.

🍖Also the delusional one who sees her darling as something above normal humans. They’re the only thing she loves more than food and that has to say something.

🍖Easily jealous and pretty obvious with it. Her whole face will scream jealous as soon as someone starts talking to them and she’s the type who keeps interrupting whatever interaction the both of you have and will annoy the other person until they’ve had enough and leave her s/o alone.

🍖I can’t imagine her as someone who would kill people. She would try to give them a hard time by annoying them and even make sure to somehow make them mess up their tasks so this person will get in trouble. Sasha would also try to somehow make the person humiliate themself in front of a large crowd. The type to slip here and there some rumors in, not too bad, but enough to make people talk about it. Embarrassing stories do that everyone will start giggling when seeing the person again. Also the type to report anything to their superiors if she sees how the person does something wrong.

🍖She’s all over her darling all the time so she won’t kidnap them and would never even think of it. If danger emerges she’ll just be even more clingy towards you to the point where it will be suffocating for the s/o.

🍖I think together with Mikasa one of my favs. She’s so open with showing her feelings for you and just wants the both of you to be a happy couple. She would never hurt you and is even ready to share her food with you. But only with you!

Annie Leonhardt

💗Annie is the aware and manipulative type. She’s very smart and knows that she isn’t supposed to feel this way. She’s good in acting when we think about that at first no one suspected her to be an enemy and she’ll definitely manipulate her darling into staying with her and cutting all of their social ties to dedicate all their time to her.

💗She’s overprotective and possessive over her darling. She’s seen bad stuff and has been trained to kill without remorse and she doesn’t want this world to mess her darling up as well so she’ll protect them from any harm possible. The world didn’t give her much so there’s no chance she’ll ever let her s/o leave her. She rarely shows her feelings, but I believe that she might show her darling her softer side. But she can still be very rough on them if she needs too.

💗Annie doesn’t show much emotions and has good self control over herself so she won’t act impulsively on this. But she does get jealous fast and she is pretty intimidating and will send the subject of her jealousy a cold glare. If the person doesn’t get her message she might step in and with her partially cruel humor scare that person away.

💗She was trained to kill without remorse and shows most of the times little to no regret in it. She is smart with it so that no one will suspect her as the killer. She kills when someone takes a liking to the s/o or when the s/o takes a liking towards someone and when someone disrespects or even hurts her darling.

💗She’ll rely most of the times on manipulation to get her darling stay willingly out of danger. If they refuse she might become more cruel with her words to them and will talk them into thinking that they’re weak if she has to. She only wants their best, doesn’t she? So being a bit more mean is worth it. And she will be able to get you to do what she told you to.

💗Her ways of doing things aren’t always right and deep down Annie knows that. Talking you into feeling worthless and forcing you into spending your time only with her is very selfish from her. But she just wants to protect you from the world and all it’s dangers. You’re also one of the very few persons she’ll ever be more tender to.

Erwin Smith

🎖Erwin is a manipulative Yandere. He might look at first like the perfect boyfriend, but it’s all an act to make his darling fall for him. He is incredibly charming and it won’t be hard for him to wrap his s/o around his finger. Overprotective because he lost his father and saw more than hundreds of soldiers dying.

🎖With time he’ll also become more and more the possessive one and at one point he might even try to make you break up contact with your family. But here comes the aware trait in where he’ll suddenly stop and remembering that this isn’t right. It’s a constant game of tug of war between his desire to keep the s/o for himself and letting them see family and friends because everything else would be wrong.

🎖He can keep his composure even under difficult circumstances. But it probably won’t even be necessary because he has some power and the knowledge that he and the s/o are together is most of the time already enough to make people stay away from them. If a person tries to talk to his darling a “friendly” warning is most of the time enough. Let’s not forget that he tells you convincing lies about the people you spend your time with which will cause you to avoid them.

🎖It won’t be necessary for him to kill someone when he can make their lifes a living hell since he is the commander of the scouts. He’ll spread bad rumors about that person which will eventually lead them to lose their job. Depending on how far someone angered him it will either end there or he’ll continue to ruin their life.

🎖If he’ll lock them up depends solely on him since he has a constant inner battle between his possessive side and more reasonable side. If he’s more possessive he’ll keep the s/o in the house even if there’s no sign of danger, if he’s in his more reasonable state he he’ll only does it when there is a threat for his darling. If his darling rejects his love or tries to leave him he’ll blackmail them to come willingly back and will keep them in his house for a shorter or longer time, it depends on how willing his s/o is.

🎖Erwin can be such a lovely boyfriend if he wants to be and nobody will ever suspect anything. That’s the problem here. No one would believe you if you told them how he really is. He has you tightly in his grip and you will always come back to him due to him threatening to spread rumors about your family out that might cost them their job. You need to play your cards carefully because this guy can turn from ‘perfect husband material’ to ‘possessive blackmailer’ in only the blink of an eye.

Hanji/Hange Zoë

🔬Hanji is overprotective and obsessive. They have seen many people die right in front of their eyes and that bounds them to be overprotective over their darling. They already display a huge interest for Titans and a natural desire to learn everything they don’t know. Imagine that ten times worse with the s/o. Hanji is absolutely the type to steal their things. At first only small things like spoons the darling used to eat with or garbage they threw away. But it will escalate further and further until Hanji has reached the level where they’ll steal toothbrushes, clothes and even start collecting their darling’s hair.

🔬Also the clingy type. Hanji is an absolute fan of PDA and Levi will probably scold them often for being so unprofessional in public. But Hanji doesn’t give a shit. Lovestruck, in their eyes her darling is perfect. Depending on whether her darling catches on on their rather obvious obsession they might become a stalker and start watching from a safe distance. Hanji is very intelligent and even though they’re very peculiar definitely can talk their darling into certain things, making them the manipulative type.

🔬Hanji shows very often very obviously their emotions and gets rather fastly jealous. I can see Hanji as someone who can be really scary and most people already think that they’re a bit crazy, but when they step in to interrupt their darling’s interaction with the other person they’ll creep them out with their odd and scary behavior and look on their face. The way they’re speaking adds even more creepiness to it.

🔬Hanji can go into full mad mode if triggered enough. They won’t kill persons. No, they’ll torture them first, separating their limbs from the body until they think the persons had been punished enough and then will kill them. That happens when someone insults their darling badly and disrespects them. Imagine what happens if someone goes as far as hurting Hanji’s s/o.

🔬Hanji can be very convincing and stubborn when it comes to certain things so they can somehow always find a way to make the darling stay out of dangerous places. But I can see them as someone who likes showing everyone who you belong to so as long as there’s no danger they won’t lock their darling up.

🔬Hanji will be honestly nothing, but sweet to you. But their obsession shines clearly through and they’re the type to ask you if they can get a few strands of your hair which will creep you out. But that’s not half as scary as seeing them torture those who didn’t treat you respectfully. No one wants to see a with blood covered Hanji holding those horrifying tools in their hands to torture a person with a crazed expression on their face.

Levi Ackerman

⚔️Levi is overprotective and possessive. He’s lost a lot of people. His mother, his uncle, his squad and countless others. So the moment he saw his darling? He didn’t plan to let them ever go. He’s a really strict and controlling one. He does appreciate it if his darling has a backbone, but he also expects them to know that he has the final word in everything and that they should submit to him. There are punishments given if his s/o doesn’t behave. Hopefully they learn through this. Obsessive, he takes his time to examine the s/o carefully to predict their actions better and to have a easier time to manipulate them since he has a bit of a silver tongue.

⚔️But at the same time he’s a desperate and on most of the time even a soft one. He never really got much love when he was a child. He watched his mother die and his uncle only taught him how to fight and left him alone after he had learned everything. So he does wishes that his darling loves him. And under all this proud and strict shell there is a soft spot which is only for you.

⚔️Levi carries a lot of anger inside of him, but is good in overplaying it. But it is rather easy to cross his lines and his possessiveness doesn’t help at all. It even worsens the situation and if his darling doesn’t break the interaction with the other person up when seeing Levi boiling with jealousy then they shouldn’t be surprised itf the other person suddenly gets kicked down by Levi and they get dragged back home by him. If the other person goes as far as flirting or touching you he’ll get more violent. If someone did touch you you’ll have to clean yourself up since Levi doesn’t want you to get filthy by someone else’s touch. And if you don’t want to wash yourself Levi has no problem in doing it himself. He’ll also mark after such events what’s rightfully his, at least he thinks so.

⚔️Levi needs to be careful to not let his rage and possessiveness get the best of him or else he’ll might slaughter a lot of people. He does have a higher position and will most likely give whoever made him pissed off a very, very hard life. If someone does go as far as trying to hurt his s/o or even trying to take them away from him he might just start attacking them the next time he sees them. But he’ll hold back and make a plan on how to kill them. If it’s a member of the scouts he might use the chance to somehow lead them into making a mistake so that they’ll get eaten by a Titan.

⚔️He hates taking his darling out of the house, his overprotectiveness and possessiveness are a horrible mix. He won’t kidnap his darling. It’s more like threatening them into coming willingly to him because he can be very scary if he wants to be. But I guess it also depends a bit on your position, meaning that he’ll handle this differently if you’re just an average citizen or a scout like him.

⚔️He has a huge soft side, but still be careful with him or else you’ll get punished. His punishments consists of locking you up without food for a few days or threatening you since despite his height he’s very scary. The problem with Levi is that most of the time you don’t know what’s going on in his head, you never know what he’s thinking. It might look to you on some days that he just wants to make your life a living hell, but that isn’t true. Levi just doesn’t really know how to act with these intense emotions. He really just wants you to love him, but chooses the wrong way to reach that goal. But give him time he’ll learn how to act better around you and more carefully.

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girlofprey7 · 3 years

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Why Apritello works/doesn’t work:

a short analysis and essay about April and Donatello’s overall dynamic and development in the 2012 show.

Apritello as a pairing is a pretty damn controversial topic in the TMNT 2012 fandom, and with good reason. Some fans may dislike or be against April because of her apparent rudeness or ungrateful nature towards everyone’s favourite brainy turtle, and Donatello may be thrown under the bus for his questionable and quote on quote ‘creepy’ behaviour towards April in the earlier seasons. Because of these observations, it has lead many fans to believe that relationship is unhealthy, toxic, and even going as far to call it emotionally abusive.

Today, we’re going to be looking at WHY fans may come to that conclusion, while also trying to look at the positive and promising sides of their relationship, in order to work out if their relationship works or not. We’ll be going through the moments where both sides have shown signs of toxicity, as well as signs of respect, trust, and love.

Also I just wanna say that this is my personal opinion, and though I am trying to fully consider all points from both sides of the argument, if you don’t agree with my overall thoughts, that’s perfectly fine. Just please keep your anti posts out of the Apritello tag where us fans can’t see them.

First we’ll be starting off With the Crusher himself, Donatello.

Let’s look at his examples of his toxic behaviour first:

He did follow her around New York in Target:April O’Neil. I may love Donnie, but I’m not going to deny that this decision was wrong, nor am I going to make excuses for him. He should have given April time to come to terms with herself, instead of following her and pushing her further over the edge. This was not a good thing to do, and while I wouldnt call it whole heartedly toxic, it was highly disrespectful of April’s space.

He tried to close up on her face when he was watching her with Metal head on the roof top. This is also highly disrespectful of April’s space, and could also be considered quote on quote ‘creepy’. There’s not much to say about this scene since it was pretty short, but all I can say is that he didn’t attempt to do it again after April called him out, though it still wasn’t respectful of him to do.

He got really jealous whenever April got remotely close to Casey, or when Casey got close to April. This is only in season 2 and maybe early 3 as far as I can see, but Donnie really didn’t do well whenever Casey was around April. He tried to pull them apart aggressively from hugging in Chinatown ghost story, and would constantly childishly fight and bicker with him for April’s attention. This is definitely an example of possessive nature, but I wouldn’t call it controlling nature as well, as he never outright insulted her or judged her for hanging out with Casey, he just bickered and fought with him.

Ok, so currently that’s all the So called toxic behaviour I can think of that was in the show, but maybe I’ll be able to find more examples that people use once I watch more of the series again.

Now, let’s move on to April’s purely Toxic behaviour in the relationship:

She stopped any chances of Donnie communicating his feelings or their relationship to him. The main example being in the invasion when she silenced his confession, while nervously saying that it just makes things hurt more. While her motivation behind this behaviour is still up for debate, I won’t deny that she should have tried to listen to what he had to say first, as well as try to communicate her own emotions better with him too. This is an example of miscommunication, and bad communication between a pair.

She would often get annoyed at him when he tried to help her or protect her, like in the Kraang conspiracy when he told he he’d protect her in the fight, and she responded with, ‘protect yourself,’ in a frustrated tone. She could have told Donnie that she didn’t need his help and that she could take care of herself politely, but she made a bad choice with her words and tone. This is an example of lashing out, without thinking of the partners feelings first. But this not completely count as emotional abuse.

She yelled at him, blaming him for losing her Crystal in Bats in the Belfry. This WAS partially caused by the fact the Crystal was controlling part of her emotions and actions, but it was still a hurtful thing to do to Donnie, who was trying to be patient with her throughout. This is an example of ungratefulness towards your partner, as well as lashing out and not considering their feelings first. Again, this is a bad thing to do either way, but I’ll have to look at her other instances in order to determine whether it’s truly emotional abuse.

(I don’t know whether her not actually outright telling either Casey or Donnie how she felt should be considered totally toxic behaviour or not, so I’m just gonna leave it as a half point for her lack of responsibility with the triangle.)

She doesn’t always appreciate him, or show her appreciation when he does something nice for her. This may be connected to number 2, in which when he would attempt to protect her or help her with something, she would sometimes respond in a stubborn and annoyed manner, not being fully appreciative of his help.

Ok, so again, this is all the so called toxic behaviour that fans usually seem to bring up while talking about The relationship, but this is also all the instances I remember her displaying in the series, but if I think of any more examples that people use I’ll add them.

(Also the claim that she may have been making mixed messages is connected to number one if you were wondering.)

Now before we move on, I just want to say something real quick. I love Apritello. Yeah it’s got it’s flaws, but I mostly blame the writers for that, and not the actual characters themselves. Hell, even with the problems I think it was pretty well written for an action show overall.

Also, I’m not trying to decipher which one of the pair had the most toxic behaviour, or who was the problem in their relationship, since both April AND Donnie have done things that I don’t agree with. I’m just trying to figure out whether the good on both sides, outweighs the bad on both sides.

So now, we’ll be looking at the pairs examples of respect/support/love/and trust.

Starting with Donnie:

When he comforted April when she was infected with the gas in Fungus Humungous, he never tried to take advantage of her fearful state, and instead just wanted to make sure she was Ok. This is an example of respect and support towards a partner, and not attempting to further your chances of being with them. Though Donnie still has his undeniable love for her (yes and at this point I’m pretty sure it passed crush territory), he is still able to treat her as a friend and comfort her without the motivation of getting with her.

When he followed April in mutagen man, though it was undeniably a bad thing to do, when April chewed him out for it and said without hesitation, ‘I never want to see you again,’ he felt guilty and remorse for it, and stopped doing it after that. He didn’t follow her again, knowing she needed space after the incident with her dad. This is what separates him from being a stalker. A true stalker would know what they’re doing is wrong, feel absolutely no remorse or guilt for it, and continue doing it even when he is told to stop. Donnie felt guilty and bad about it, even though he didn’t necessarily know what he was doing could be considered wrong, and stopped doing it. This is why he isn’t a stalker, and also shows his respect for April’s space and feelings.

When he gave April a music box in A foot too big, (yeah you knew I was gonna talk about this episode eventually) she acted uncomfortable with his forward ness, as well as the fact that he said nothing the whole time and the box was another obvious ploy to start something between them, showed by the picture of him inside, as well as the heart on the front. After living with big foot, he realised his actions were uncomfortable to her, once again felt guilty and remorse for it, and apologised to her at the end of the episode. He respected what she felt, and was willing to sacrifice his happiness for her. He stopped his behaviour after that and became more chilled and subtle with his crush. Sure he still bickers with Casey like the episode after, but I think that’s just their dynamic/relationship more than it is them fighting for April. My point is, he improved as a person because of HER.

He trusts April to make her own choices and shape her own path and goals in life. An abusive or toxic partner wouldn’t approve of your goals or chosen path, and would instead attempt to steer you away from them in order to change who you are. Donnie however supported April on becoming a kunoiche, and becoming a capable fighter like him and his brothers. He wasn’t at all threatened by her improved growth or skill, nor did he feel the need to put her down or make her weaker just to make himself feel more important. Hell, he even laughed with pure happiness when she took out Tigerclaw with that badass kick, showing that he loves what she’s become, and loves the path she’s made for herself.

He always allows HER to make the moves of affection, and never forcibly kisses her or hugs her without knowing she’s ok with it first. Again, this shows he respects her personal space as well as her wants in the relationship.

He knows when she’s gone too far, and though he does call her out on it, he still does it respectfully. Like the arc with the Aeon crystal and was acting out. He knew the Crystal was making her act that way, and wanted to help her overcome it instead of pretending that it wasn’t a problem. I have more to say on this particular point later, but I’ll wait till I find more prominent examples.

In the Gauntlet, when she broke down after her dad got captured for (I think) the second time, when she went to him for comfort, he comforted her and promised her that they’d get him back. Just like with the first example, he wasn’t trying to take advantage of her state to get with her or anything, he just wanted to be there for her, and make sure she was ok. Not as a romantic, but a friend.

He helped calm her down when she was mad at Shinigami after being beaten, telling her to not let her get to her, therefore calming her down. This is a sign of support of the others feelings and trying to make them feel better.

(This is more of a good thing on both sides as well as just something I find funny and endearing) they both bicker with one another in a banter sort of way. Remember the ‘bait doesn’t talk back’ and the ‘real kunoiche on our side?’ . He may be crushing on her, but that still doesn’t mean he’s not gonna blurt sassy facts at her and bicker with her. He still aknowledges that she has flaws, but as we’ve constantly seen, he still loves her flaws and all.

He apologised and took responsibility for his mistake with the transmitter at the end of eyes of the chimera, trying to make April feel better by even bringing her a hot beverage after the fiasco. This is a sign of looking out for the other and owning up to your mistake that may have hurt them.

Now let’s move onto April:

She apologised to Donnie personally for holding the grudge, and thanked him for sticking by her even when she was mad at him. She wasn’t thanking him for following her or anything like people may think, just thanking him for still being patient and kind with her. Also, while she was holding the grudge, she remembered what he had told her in Target, ‘some things are just beyond our control’. Which may have had a partial role in helping her come to her senses again.

She ALWAYS calls Donnie whenever she’s in trouble or in danger. I’ve seen this labelled off as codependency or her taking advantage of his feelings, but I see it much differently. In my opinion, this shows how much trust she has in him to save her, and help her whenever she needs it.

It was her memories of Donnie that helped her break the control of the Crystal. Donnie unconsciously motivated her be strong enough to defeat Za Naron and break her corruption. She broke through it, and became better, because of him.

She tried her best to get through to him TWICE in the Dream beavers episode. She was gentle and careful with him all the while (well apart from when she was slapping him to wake up, but that was when she was desperate). She was almost always seen by his side, and was close to panicking when he stopped breathing. And as soon as she found out he was Ok, she kissed him. Not for gratitude, not because she needed to make him feel better, but because she was happy he was ok.

When Donnie got injured in Monkey Brains, she told the guys off for teasing him, and was the only one to help nurse him back to health, being gentle and kind with him throughout.

She calls him out on his behaviour when she knows he’s doing something wrong. A lot of people see it as a bad thing when she tells him off for his poor decisions and behaviour, but I see it as a thing their relationship needs. A toxic relationship would most likely have both partnered not aknowledging the bad things that either one has done, and pretending it didn’t happen, or just be uncertain with telling them off. April doesn’t do this with Donnie. She aknowledges when he’s doing something bad, and call him out for it. In Target, she did t sugar coat it or stay silent about Donnie following her. She told him that he was doing something wrong, regardless of his intentions, and that he had to stop and respect that she needed to be alone right now. And like I said, he backed off and never did it again. And again, he improved, because of her.

She got mad at Casey for laughing at Donnie when he was stung badly on Dreggs planet, and was the one to help him back to the ship to be healed. When she knew he was ok, she kissed him again like in In Dreams, simply because she was happy he was Ok.

In Of rats and men, when Donnie told her that they had this covered, she responded with, ‘you always do,’ while smiling warmly, and with him smiling back. Romantic or not, this again shows the amount of respect and trust they have for each other. April instead of insisting she help or stubbornly barge back in, simply showed a sign of trust with him, knowing that had faith in him, and his brothers. This scene alone just shows the trust they have in their friendship, romantic or not, and that’s one of the things that makes them work in my opinion.

In the end of eyes of the Chimera, when Donnie apologised to April for using the transmitter on her, she wasn’t upset with him at at all. She’s said she was glad that Donnie used the transmitter on her because it allowed her to access her powers and learn to use them more. She tried to see Donnies mistake in a positive light, and appreciated him for his help nevertheless. This is an example of appreciation towards a partner, and aknowledging that their intentions are good and seeing them in a positive light instead of being disappointed with them.

For my final words, I just want to put in what the most common definition of an abusive/toxic relationship is.

In my definition, it is any relationship between people who don’t support eachother, where there’s constant conflict, and one often seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition and disrespect, and most importantly, degrade and become worse as people just by being with one another.

And as far as I can see within the examples I’ve listed, both Donnie and April support each other throughout everything bad that happens to them, any conflicts that befall them they manage to get through, and have never purposely sought to undermine or hurt the other.

I want you to look at that last sentence again, and ask yourself: did April and Donnie grow as people or become better with overcoming their problems by being with one another? Because in my opinion, that’s how you really separate a toxic relationship from a good one.

So as for the question, are Donnie and April toxic or healthy?

Well, in my opinion, they DO work together, and their relationship is NOT abusive or toxic in any way shape or form. Both Donnie and April, though they had their flaws in the beginning, unconsciously and consciously helped eachother become better versions of themselves by being there for eachother throughout the series, as I have illustrated with the majority of my points.

And that my friends, is pretty damn FAR from abusive. In fact, that’s pretty much the complete OPPOSITE of abusive.

#tmnt 2012 #analysis #tmnt 2012 april #tmnt leonardo #tmnt apritello #healthy relationships #toxic relationship #reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

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swanhookheart · 3 years

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Angry Grishaverse book review time!

After watching and LOVING s1 of Shadow and Bone, I read the trilogy! I was not impressed.

Spoilers incoming for Grishaverse stuff, so if you don’t want those, don’t read on!

Watching Shadow and Bone this past weekend, I was hooked : Darklina, the lore behind the amplifiers, the Aleksander backstory… I was really impressed and hoped that this was it--that at last, I’d found a fantasy series that was going somewhere big, something I could really, thoroughly sink my teeth into.

*Sigh*

Then I read the books.

The reader / viewer enters the Grishaverse associating darkness with pure evil. The Fold, described early on, is shown to be this bleak, awful, ruinous place where people go to be eaten alive by volcra and hope goes to die. We therefore, naturally, associate the Darkling--who possesses the power of shadow--with that evil from the off. I’m speaking as someone who only got into the Grishaverse last Saturday. My initial thoughts were, “oh, he’s being set up to be viewed as dark and scary; this is the expectation Bardugo wants us to have so that we’ll be blown away by some great twist later. Count me in!”

But that twist never came. He was set up as evil, and he stayed evil. Surprise, he’s the Black Heretic! Surprise, he’s an abomination effectively created by Morezova’s greed! Surprise, he’s ruthless and horrible and does cruel things! Except none of those things are actually surprising, given he was SET UP from the beginning to be viewed that way. He did bad things, walked a bad walk, and talked a bad talk. I kept thinking “ah, so he’s gonna get a sweeeet redemption arc,” and then he just never did. That element of the story was predictable to a nauseating degree, and that predictability made the entire universe feel a bit flat. If the reader saw more of his backstory, had more real, logical, sound justification for why he does the things he does (like in the show, where they at least tried to paint his actions as borne of some misplaced sense of servitude / protection for the Grisha or where we saw him actively struggling at points to grapple with the darkness inside him), then maybe the trilogy wouldn’t have been such a letdown. And yes, I know about his sacrifice or whatever later on. It’s not enough.

In villains, I and probably plenty of others like to see humanity. We want to empathize with our villains to a certain extent--to understand them just a little bit--so we can fully commit to hating them when they violate our trust. The Darkling didn’t have that human, redeeming quality, though--at least, not in the books. In the books, he was just a power-hungry jackass who simultaneously didn’t want to be alone and kept trying to kill his only opportunity not to be alone. His single-mindedness, his lack of human empathy, the simplicity with which he pursued this made him seem almost stupid to me as a reader. For someone who’s lived hundreds of years, he’s kind of an idiot when it comes to other people--which, itself, almost seems incongruous with his having lived for so long. If he’d maybe had more backstory or more in his story to justify his actions, maybe he’d feel like a better villain. But atm, all I’m doing is rolling my eyes with him. I couldn’t love him because he didn’t put in any work toward being a better person. Even in the end, he doesn’t actually do the work or repent. But I also can’t hate him because the source material hasn’t given me enough actual human qualities to hate or to feel betrayed. His character just… missed the mark for me.

As did Mal’s. Fucking MAL, oh my GOD! This dude’s literal only personality trait was loving Alina. Cool, he could track--for Alina, mostly. He could fight--for Alina. “I am become a blade”? Sir, you got a whole-ass tattoo announcing that you’re an object in this woman’s service? No WAP is worth that, and I’m speaking as a very bisexual woman. My dude, it’s weird, it’s extra, it’s just too much. I’ll go back to the Darkling for two seconds to say that, ofc, his actions were painted as problematic and misogynistic and gross. But, like, the possessiveness Mal displays with Alina kinda feels on that same level? Why are we pretending he’s better when he actively tries to keep her low, keep her powerless, and keep her his? Again, dude got a tattoo of her sigil. He was fully prepared to be the leader of her guard even if she married Nikolai just for the opportunity for some sexytimes. I know that YA is about really intense emotion, the fire of teenage hormones and stuff, but that all just felt a bit toxic. The way that his entire life revolved around her while she tried to balance the role of saint, hero, orphan, and all the things she was just felt goofy and like a wildly unhealthy dynamic.

Their whole relationship also felt really obvious, as I guess the Darkling being revealed as the trilogy’s big bad did. It was predictable, set up to be that way from the start. There were no surprises. It was Mal, and then it was still Mal, and in the end, it was also Mal. We weren’t really shown any of what made them so drawn to each other, we were just kind of told and expected to be fine with the intensity of it. But it read as being way too much for me, and god, it kept getting worse. Again, this one felt like low-hanging fruit--low effort, lazy writing. Nothing about it actually read to me as romantic, just as too much. They didn’t so much as fall in love as just start out that way, and reading that was somewhere between boring and uncomfortable. At least with the Darkling or hell--even Nikolai--we saw some of that chemistry unfold on the page. We were shown some of what made them work the way they did. There was something underpinning their relationship, and not just “oh, they’re supposed to be together”. I mean, after all JKR’s bullshit, I feel totally fine saying fuck authorial intent. If you can’t even be bothered to actually put your shit on the page, don’t ask me to blindly accept your version canon as gospel truth.

We could have had Deckerstar vibes, Beauty and the Beast vibes, seen light and dark come together and surprise us by actually working well together. But no, we saw a special girl lose everything that made her special and settle for some mediocre fuckboy from her hometown. We get characters that actually have the potential to be dynamic and make for a good story, but she still ends up with this bland, vanilla, trick-ass bitch? It’s a major letdown when you’ve actually been exposed to decent fictional couples, tbh.

OOF! And the ending? Oh jesus fuck, that ending. Darkling just… dies. Just like that. I read three whole books for that? I know he comes back and dies again and all, but the whole trilogy felt like it was building up to something more, something deeper and greater and more profound. He was horrible for the things he did, sure, and he deserved defeat as long as he refused to waver from his power-hungry, destructive path. But his death brought about no closure. He and Alina never actually had the fight they needed to or reached an understanding with each other. Everything is left undone, unsaid, unexplored. The ending just felt super anticlimactic on the page, and so, the trilogy as a whole fell completely short of any mark I hoped it might hit.

Did I hope Darklina would be endgame? Sure. But I’d also have been A-okay with a tragic ending if it had been done right. Did I think it would have been a lot more interesting to see a redemption arc for Darkling than just… more of the same? Or maybe Mal develop a personality outside of Alina? Absolutely. There was so much potential, and it really feels like Bardugo squandered all of it. And for what? This was nearly as disappointing as the eighth season of Game of Thrones. I probably won’t be watching future seasons if they follow the books, but I guess I’m glad for the day or so of fleeting pleasure I got when I still had hope for a properly told story.

#Shadow and bone #anti-mal #darklina #shadow and bone spoilers #grishaverse

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inkbyajm · 3 years

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Something Brewing

pairing: C.H. x fem!reader

category: fluff

warnings: anxiety attack

word count: 1.5k

notes: felt like angst, felt like sobbing uncontrollably, but my body wouldn’t cooperate, so imagining it will do for now. this was supposed to be a one-shot, but i didn’t realise how much i had written. now i’m splitting it into two parts. next part will definitely be more angst than fluff, so stay tuned for the terrifying sight that is angry corpse :) (p.s. don’t mind the occasional use of british english, it’s my default lmao)

next >

A peculiar thing it was, the concept of love. It was very personal and feelings about it varied from person to person. For some, it had existed since the beginning of time, when Adam and Eve first walked the Earth, when the Almighty willed his beloved humans to lead their own lives with him in their hearts. For others, it is a feeling to long for, to crave, a feeling they found themselves daydreaming about often. And for the rest, love is a tool of ruin, potentially driving people who cared for one another away from each other, instilling at least a smidge of repulsion in each one of them. However, humans are social creatures after all, and sometimes, attraction was unavoidable no matter how much one tried. And try he did.

━

Living in California could get hard and stressful at times, but at least Corpse didn’t live at the heart of the city of anxiety-inducing social interactions and constant chaos that was Los Angeles. Sure, it meant that he didn’t live close to his friends, but he wasn’t far away from her, and that was enough for him.

A few soft grunts and sounds of slippers landing on the hardwood floor echoed from the kitchen of (Y/N)’s apartment. He got up from the couch in her living room and decided to investigate the source of the noise. Coming into the room, he saw her jumping to reach the highest shelf in one of the cupboards. Looking at it, he noticed her favourite mug sitting at the edge of said shelf and, afraid she would knock it over whilst attempting to grab it, he effortlessly got it for her. “Thank you. God, I was about to grow a foot taller trying to reach for this thing.” she sighed, eliciting a deep chuckle from him, “See, this is exactly why you’re my favourite friend.” Friend? Well, yes, of course a friend, what else would he be? Corpse felt an uncomfortable tug at his heart, and he couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why he was feeling that way, so he brushed it aside. “Why was it that high up if you can’t even reach it?” (Y/N) wasn’t a short person, she was perfectly average, and he himself wasn’t that tall of a guy either. But when it came to situations of this kind, he couldn’t help but feel good about his being taller. “It usually isn’t, but I let (F/N) use it once the other day because she refused to drink out of any of the other mugs, that stubborn bitch.” she replied, pouring her homemade Italian hot chocolate into the acquired cup. (F/N) was also taller than (Y/N), so it was only natural for her to be putting things in higher places. It was done out of habit.

(Y/N) and Corpse walked back to the living room to once again settle into the couch. He glanced at her as she sat with her legs crossed, concentrated on blowing on her moderately hot beverage, while the light from the moon peeked through the curtains of the balcony door, illuminating her face ever so slightly. Since when did he start noticing these things? Looking away to set his eyes on the TV in front of them, he sensed his heart beating at an usual rhythm, palpitating, and along with it came slight lightheadedness. Was he having a heart attack? Were these signs of atrial fibrillation? Or was this simply the start of an anxiety attack? Surely any of these would be more...recognisable, to say the least. The only situation he could think of with similar reactions was when one would develop a crush. A fucking crush? At his age? How old was he, ten? “Earth to Corpse? Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people who sleep with their eyes open, that’s fucking creepy.” Her finger snaps pulled him out of whatever trance he was in. “Sorry, were you saying something?” “I asked you if you had watched Bly Manor like three times. You were very far away.” she answered, emitting a few giggles. “Sorry, I uh- I was thinking of something, but it’s stupid. And no, I haven’t, I’ve been meaning to, though.” And just like that, they settled on the show they were going to watch for the next couple of weeks.

━

“NOOOOOOO,” (Y/N) yelled, voicing her defeat “WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF LUCK IS THIS.” Corpse lay on the floor, slamming his palm down onto it out of hysterical laughter. They had been playing Unmatched for the past hour, this being their third round, and after many cards and a level of tension that could only be cut through with a saw, his Robin Hood had finally defeated her Alice. It was Corpse’s first time playing, so to say that his winning of all three games was a crushing moment for her was an understatement. “This is not normal, you lied saying you’ve never played before!” she pouted, putting everything back into the box, “I’m usually really good at this game.”

He wiped the tears from his eyes, struggling to keep a good composure. “I’m sorry, I guess I’ve found my talent,” he joked, but he did feel bad for stealing her thunder, “Would it make you feel better if I said that my Robin Hood is, like, extremely hurt right now? You have a fucking gigantic knife as a weapon, I only have, like, a bow and arrow. That’s kind of unfair.” (Y/N) bit her lip in hesitation, then picked up her figurine and lightly tapped it along the table to approach his. Putting Alice at a slight angle, she made a kissing sound as to imitate her character smooching his. “There, a kiss to make it better. I promise not to hurt you too much if you let me win next time.”

The same strange feeling he had experienced for the first time two months ago, when they were sitting on the couch of her living room, and many more times after that, had come back. He would’ve blamed it on heartburn, except it was nothing like it. It wasn’t anything he was used to. “Hey, you alright?” (Y/N) furrowed her brows in concern “You’ve been doing that a lot lately, rubbing your chest like that.” Fuck. He had never noticed the habit he had developed. “I’m fine, just me and my heart problems, nothing unusual.” Filthy liar. Brows still furrowed, she moved closer to him and, with her legs tucked under her, she put her hand above his heart to check. “Jesus, Corpse, your heart is going a million miles per hour! Are you sure you’re okay?”

Looking up at him, she noticed how red he had suddenly become, and this worried her even more. “Bubs, you’re literally changing colours.” How did she expect him not to when she was doing this? (Y/N) further inspected his condition and put the back of her hand on his forehead, then his cheeks, to check his temperature. Expectedly, he was getting warmer. She stopped for a second and listened intently, only to hear his shallow breathing fill the silence. She then glanced down at his left hand resting on his thigh, and surely enough, found it trembling. “Alright, Corpse? Hey, can you hear me?”

His breathing only picked up its pace as the seconds went by. On the spur of the moment, (Y/N) placed herself in front of him, her legs on either side, and gently cradled his head. “Corpse, darling, I’m gonna need you to look at me, okay? Focus on me, focus on my breathing, mm?” He forced himself to tear his gaze away from the ground and did as he was told, eyes darting around, analysing her expression. He’s never found himself having an attack in her presence, it was surprising how well she was handling it.

Wait- darling? Bubs? “Now, can you name four things that you see? Can you do that for me?” He briefly scanned the room for answers, his mind still cluttered. “The fridge, the couch, the light and-” Did she mean to call him that? It was probably nothing, she could be using it with any of her friends for all he knew. He wasn’t special. “and the game, the board game. On the table.” “Good, now can you name three things you hear?” This one took a lot of concentration, there weren’t many obvious sounds for him to point out. “The motorcycle outside, your hands rubbing against my skin, uh-” What the fuck else? Was he losing his mind? The task was simple enough, why was he having so much trouble with it? “I’m sorry, I- I don’t hear anything else.” “No, it’s okay. You’re doing splendid, see? Your breathing is much more stable.” she reassured him, squeezing his upper arms.

“Lastly, can you give me two things you can smell?” Nodding, he closed his eyes. “The coffee you drank earlier.” It took him a moment to come up with something else, and just as she was about to get off of his lap, figuring he had done a good enough job, she heard him mumble “your perfume”. Scared he’d get another attack, Corpse avoided looking into her eyes, which he could feel the gaze of. He only picked up on the scent from her shifting closer in the last second. “That’s funny, I had forgotten to put perfume on this morning.”

#corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse husband x you #corpse x you #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #corpse husband fic

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thestraggletag · 3 years

Text

Roll for Initiative, a Rumbelle D&D Fic

Summary: Tales of the Enchanted Forest was the hottest online D&D game, in part for its charismatic players, in part for the twisted turns of the DM's mind and in part because of the outrageous chemistry between its greatest OTP, the party's beautiful bard and the Dark One, an anti-hero side-character who is there to provide information and uncomfortable levels of UST. Mr Gold thinks it's a harmless flirtation that could never become anything else, just like his silly little crush on the town librarian, Belle French.

He's wrong.

Rating: Explicit.

Author’s Note: Surprise, @argoslight, it is I, your Gifter! Sorry to make you wait till near the end but I just had way more banter to write in me than I thought. I hope you enjoy your gift. I’m so sorry to not be able to add more D&D elements but since I don’t play I don’t have a lot of idea of what could be done. Also I apologise for any mistakes! And thanks so much to @little-inkstone for her help and D&D knowledge.

The castle was quiet when she entered, her steps echoing against the stone. It was gloomy inside, curtains obscured and decor sparse and sombre, the castle living up to its name. But there were flowers on the table, moon lilies, her favourite flower. They bloomed only in the Eastern Mountains past the Old Wall, but she had long since suspected he grew some on one of his enchanted hothouses, with the excuse of using them for potions.

“Where’s the rest of your pretty little troop of do-gooders, dearie?”

The voice came out of nowhere, echoing around the empty halls of the castle. Thankfully she did not need directions, knowing exactly when to turn and where to go. Soon she found herself in a vast room, with a table on the centre and curios filled with oddities and the like. Some others were displayed on pedestals, including a rather fearsome sword and a nasty-looking crown made of thorns. None of the artefacts were what she sought, but she was not there to bargain for an item, but rather for information.

“Off on their own quests, taking care of other things that need doing.”

The voice tsked, seeming not to approve.

“They let you enter the lair of the beast alone? Some heroes.”

The woman lowered the hood of her cloak and walked towards the unlit chimney. Immediately a fire blazed to life, as if the castle itself was trying to cater to her comfort. The fire provided much-needed light as well, revealing the profile of a man in the shadows. Or something that looked like a man, at least, if not for the reflective scales that covered his body and its strange eyes: gold irises around catlike pupils.

“I asked to come alone. I felt like we could talk more openly this way.”

She removed her cloak, ostensibly to drape it across a chair near the fire and let it dry. The creature, however, seemed to read more into the gesture, tsking again.

“You come here all alone, a pretty little lamb, and take off the only real bit of protection you have. Reckless, dearie, most reckless.”

The creature stood up, walking slowly towards the light, revealing more of its form as it approached her. Leather pants and a long, reptilian-looking vest and coat. It wasn’t particularly tall but power emanated from it in suffocating waves. She closed her eyes, finding his cloying presence strangely comforting. Then again, she had always been odd.

“Once again your pitiful little party of friends needs my help. How they weigh you down, Beauty.”

He stepped fully into the light then, revealing a being more creature than man, the reptilian skin and claws as off-putting as his unnatural eyes. She should’ve taken a step back, should’ve gone for her blade or the dagger tucked into her left boot, but she didn’t. As much as she knew she shouldn't, she felt at ease in his presence. Well, perhaps not quite. She certainly felt a strange sort of anxiousness in his presence, a fluttery sort of feeling that she attributed to being particularly attuned to his magic. None of the other members of her party felt that way. If anything, he repulsed them, which wasn’t something she could understand. To her he was… magnetic.

“Are you in the mood for dealing or not? I can trade for information.”

He snorted.

“With what? Your little band of misfits is dirt poor. That idiotic paladin of yours ruined your last mission. You really should think about ditching the man. All brawn, no brains. At least your rogue is a smart woman.”

His gaze left her briefly, running down the length of her clothing: sturdy black boots, a nicely-cut dress that stopped around the knees and a sturdy belt with a few pockets for her spells. But the clothing, as well-made as it was, was dated, old. Looked worn and was signed and stained in places, and it left a lot of her frail human skin exposed. She had not been able to afford an upgrade in a while, preferring to spend her coin in what could benefit the group.

His moue of distaste disappeared once his eyes fell on her cloak. Well, his cloak, since he had been the one to make it. It was a lovely thing in varied shades of green, shot through with golden thread, his trademark. She had bought it off him a long time ago, a simple thing to keep her warm during cold nights and dry when it rained. Miraculously, though, it also did not sustain damage, looking exactly the same as when she had first put it on.

“I’m glad at least my protection is serving you well.”

He ran a claw along the seams of the cloak, making it glitter, like to like, magic calling for its own. He looked smug, as if pleased she was wearing something he had made.

“It does more than we bargained for. I’ve been blasted with magic strong enough to burn through most fabric but it has not even frayed. How strange of you, Rumplestiltskin, to lose out on a deal.”

He shivered when she said his name, walking behind her to the safety of the shadow she cast next to the fire.

“Can’t help it if my magic is just that powerful, my dear. I’m glad you are a happy customer. Always thought that cloak was a nice bit of magic. Can’t fault you for always wearing it.”

She felt him close in on her from behind, to the point that it almost felt like they were touching.

“It smells like you. That’s why I wear it all the time.”

The noise he made behind her was inhuman, a cross between a whimper and a growl. His claws scrapped against the back of her dress, the feeling muted by her stays, but she could feel his breath against the back of her neck and that alone was-

“Hey, this is a decent stream! Keep it PG for the kids, you weirdos.”

“Damn it, Grumpy, I wanted to see how long it would take them to snap out of it!”

“Sorry, Snow, but I ate a big dinner and I aim to keep it down.”

The messages in the chatroom wheezed by, mostly disgruntled complaints about their OTP never catching a break. The other participants in the stream were mostly silent, their mics muted likely to hide the amused snickers. There was no video feed on any of the members of the party, all of them represented instead by artwork to preserve their anonymity. Once upon a time that had been a fanciful choice, and perhaps a way to stay safe when interacting with strangers on the internet. Now it was mostly to keep their private lives from being overtaken by the popularity of their stream. “Tales of the Enchanted Forest” was shaping up to be one of the hottest D&D online streaming shows, already on its third campaign and counting.

“Beauty is just trying to get us some answers, Grumpy. We can’t just go stumbling about hoping to run into some fairy wand by chance.”

“Oh, it’s that what the kids are calling it these days?”

“Enough! Can we get back to the campaign already? It took me weeks to plan and it kinda hinges a bit on the Dark One helping, which needs to happen today.”

“Fine by me, dearie, if the dwarf can curtail his temper.”

The party was composed of five characters, a paladin, a cleric, a bard, a rogue and a thief, which along with the Dungeon Master made up the regular cast of every weekly stream. But given the popularity of the show, and the amount of time they had been playing, they had managed to amass a good amount of side-characters, guests invited every now and then to help the campaign move along and keep the interest of the audience. And by far the most popular of those guests was the Dark One, a wizard of unknown lineage and tremendous power that served both as an antagonist and a pseudo-ally depending on the situation.

His presence was likely the reason why the livestream’s numbers looked so robust. He had amassed quite a fanbase, due in part to the commitment the player put on the character (the voice-acting was above and beyond what anyone could’ve expected from an amateur performer, and the backstory was quite complex, revealed in bits and pieces fans had meticulously assembled together) and in part to the chemistry he had managed to develop with the group’s bard, a half-human named Beauty.

“Okay, let’s all go back to what we were doing.” The DM’s voice was authoritative, though also more than a bit pissed off. “Okay, Beauty, you were about to try and cajole the Dark One to sell you the information you needed in return for a vial of water from Lake Nostos. Though the water is valuable, it’s not guaranteed to be enough to tempt the wizard. You have to roll at least a 13 in persuasion to make the trade. Roll when you’re ready.”

...

Rumford Gold stretched within the confines of the small backroom of his shop, where he had his computer stuff set up. Initially he’d bought the computer to better conduct his online business. His laptop at home wasn’t cutting it and it was better to photograph the antiques, update the website and handle the deliveries from his place of business. He had bought a good camera, some light fixtures and, on a whim, a microphone, for instances where he might need to virtually communicate with clients. It was something that was happening more and more, especially because a lot of his clientele was European. The internet had truly turned his antiquing- more of a hobby than a profession originally- into a profitable business.

He had gotten into watching D&D while waiting late at night for a client to become available in Austria. He had played as a lad, one of the few happy moments he could remember from his childhood in Glasgow, but had given it up once he had met Milah. And after they were over he had been too involved in making something of himself to remember past childhood enjoyments. But apparently D&D had evolved with the times and he had gotten into the habit of searching for and watching online D&D campaigns in his spare time. From that to actually being a side-character in one of them took almost no time. It was frightfully easy to go back to that frame of mind of playing make-believe, only now he had a distaste for the clean-cut heroic types and more of an affinity for the morally-grey, shady characters.

So he had auditioned for the role of evil-wizard when there had been an opening for a side-character in his favourite D&D stream, The Enchanted Forest. And though the DM had written what he considered to be a very flat, uninteresting character, he had been able to give it his own spin. He knew the DM hated him for it, hated when he deviated from what was expected of him, but people loved him. It was half the fun, pissing the DM off.

The other half, he had to admit, was Beauty. The one with the brains in the group, clearly, a half-human, half-fairy bard with an uncanny ability to think ahead, and arm herself with knowledge. Most of the other members of her party were more apt to try and decapitate something than negotiate with it, or even befriend it. Beauty prided herself on more of a gentle approach, which sometimes got her treated as the “fragile” one. He thought it just made her all the more interesting.

Their flirting had just kinda happened. He was half into it before he realised it had begun at all and by the time he had grown conscious- and self-conscious- of it fans were lapping it up and loving it. Even the DM, as loath as he was to admit it, found the banter engaging, even as if stole the spotlight from his story and where he wanted it to go. So every now and then he got invited into a stream, sometimes to interact with the whole party and sometimes, like the session he had just finished, to speak only to Beauty. And what was supposed to be a brief conversation before the party moved to greener pastures became a whole session, with the chatroom full of engagement and the view count off the charts.

But the DM had had a short tolerance span tonight, and had nipped things in the bud much sooner than usual. He felt… unfulfilled. Unsatisfied. Itchy, almost, in a way. So he was more than happy when he received an email from Beauty, who seemed to share his dislike of how the session had played out. They had started doing that more often, sharing emails after a session, even when he did not participate in it. It was harmless, he thought. Just an innocent online flirtation that could never realistically turn into anything. Not that his more in-person romantic overtures could ever pan out. He was in his third year of being completely smitten by the local town librarian, and in his second year of being able to put two words together in front of her without the help from Scotch, something he was perhaps a bit too proud of. And though he had decided very early on that the whole thing was utterly hopeless he had not been able to steer his thoughts or affections away. Realistically he was perhaps more in love with the idea of Belle French than the reality itself, given how little he had personally interacted with the woman. But he knew just enough to fill in the blanks and create a beautiful picture of how he imagined her to be: bookish- an easy assumption given how many times he had caught her in public places absorbed in a book-, kind, generous and delightfully able to hold a grudge and enact revenge when the time came. A bit reckless, and sometimes quick to form opinions, but also quick to revise them. A tactile person, with a great sense of fashion and a carelessness about what was expected of her.

He saw her in his head as clear as day, but little of that image was based on any personal knowledge of her. So, perhaps, he had found in Beauty a fictional substitute, someone he could talk to, and flirt with, without consequences, adopting the persona of someone more confident, more at ease with that sort of thing. The Dark One was comfortable in his skin in a way that he could only pretend to be sometimes. All the money and power he had accumulated over the years had helped him evolve from the spineless, cowardly lad he had once been, but when it came to certain situations, especially those that necessitated a level of vulnerability, he was still hopeless.

Perhaps, he wondered, it was better to think about his online liaison with Beauty as the real thing. They wrote to each other often, in and out of character, and over the course of their correspondence he had confided in her more than he had in any other person alive. Small things at first, every day peeves and details. Nothing that could identify them, certainly, but surprisingly intimate nevertheless. And over time it had grown to stuttering confessions and barings of the soul on both sides. She had told him of her teenage years in a mental asylum, the product of an overwrought widowed father trying to do right by his grieving daughter. He had had a few choice words to say about that, uncharitable thoughts about her father prompting his own willing sharing of the sad story of his childhood, neglectful father and all. It had felt nice, to confide in someone, someone he trusted.

He glanced at her email, where she lamented how their scene had not been as long or as satisfying as she had wanted, and saw she was proposing to meet later in a private stream to finish it the way they had both wanted. She had proposed something similar once or twice before and he had politely declined but now he wondered why not take her up on her offer. What was stopping him? His imaginary idea of Belle French, who in reality had never given him more than a polite smile in passing? Too young, too good, too beautiful to ever see him as anything other than an old cripple? Whatever he had built with Beauty felt infinitely more real, and attainable. A relationship without ever meeting in person seemed ideal in many aspects and, perhaps, if and when it came to meeting in the real world, his physical shortcomings would not be relevant, nor would it his rather uncharitable reputation.

He sent her a quick reply to arrange a meeting, feeling like a bit of roleplaying was, in the end, quite harmless. And if it were to lead to something a bit more meaningful, well, perhaps it was about time.

…

“Water from Lake Nostos. A key ingredient in most powerful potions and even some spells. I’m sure it could prove useful to you.”

The bard showed him the glowing crystal vial hanging from a long chain around her neck, with the glowing milky-white water from the cursed lake in it. He made a move to get closer to inspect it but the woman took a step back, tucking the vial back inside her bodice. The wizard’s eyes lingered there, hiz gaze growing intense. The bard felt her skin flush in response, something that felt a bit like fear but wasn’t running down her spine.

“And I’m sure a new wardrobe could prove useful to you, dearie. You’re practically wearing rags.” Rumplestiltskin made a show of running his eyes up and down her form with just enough disgust in his face to make it seem as if he was only noticing the rather sad state of her dress.

“It’s my best gown, I’d thank you not to insult it.”

He made a moue of disapproval, shaking his head for good measure.

“You’re far from your days as a princess. I hope seeing the world is worth putting up with your band of idiots that waste most of the gold they earn with your wit in pointless goose chases that you know will lead nowhere.”

Beauty didn’t respond. There was nothing she could say to contradict what he thought of her party, none of which was charitable to say the least. And she also knew that he was aware that all of it was worth the freedom she had won when she had left her life in her father’s castle behind. She did miss one or two things, perhaps. Her mother’s vast library being one and, perhaps, some of the fashions. Not so much the silhouettes- she had never liked how the sea of petticoats she was always forced to wear restricted her movement- but the fabrics and colours, certainly. And the shoes.

“I’m here to make a deal, Dark One. Are you doing business today or not?”

Lesser creatures would’ve rather bitten off their tongues that throw cheek at the Dark One, but Beauty did not even bat an eye, lips curling in a defiant little smile that had the wizard smirking, something like admiration blooming in his chest. It’s what he loved most about his little bard, her spine of steel. And perhaps her blue eyes, but that was neither here nor there.

“I don’t do business with raggedy urchins, dearie. If you want to sit down and negotiate you’ll need a bath.” He made a face, as if he could smell her across the room. “And a change of dress, while I put your current outfit to wash… Or set it on fire, I haven’t decided yet.”

She could tell that he was pulling his punches, that he was playing at being repulsed by her state of dress and hygiene just bad enough that she would see he did not really mean it, not in any real way. She would’ve been able to tell either way, but it was nice that he thought it important to spare her feelings. And she couldn’t deny that a bath sounded heavenly after so many weeks on the road, sleeping out in the open and washing in freezing-cold creeks whenever possible.

“Well, if you insist…”

He took her to a well-lit and spacious bathing chamber, with the biggest copper tub she had ever seen, already filled with warm, soapy water that smelled of vanilla. She wasted no time after the door closed behind him, stripping quickly, careless of her worn and mended garments, and slipping into the tub. It was heaven on her tired muscles, and her dirty skin, and though she would’ve stayed there for hours she knew that every minute spent bathing was a minute less with the Dark One. Their time was limited. If she didn’t return to camp in the morning her party would venture into the castle, likely thinking the most dreadful scenarios. She could picture Charming attempting to kick the front gate open and getting hurt for his troubles. She could not let them worry for her, or risk the rapport she had developed with the Dark One by coming in unannounced.

She got out of the tub with only a bit of reluctance and found a towel that she was convinced was enchanted to dry her faster than possible. She found clothing laid out in the adjoining dressing room, the undergarments soft and made of pale cream fabric and the dress of a lovely velvety, forest-green fabric, with a belt embroidered in small pearls that matched the detail about the neckline. She put it on gladly, twisting every which way to lace it up at her back. Living a less princessy life had made her acquire a number of small skills, including the ability to dress up mostly by herself even in gowns that did not lace up at the front, like most of her travelling clothes.

She did not spot her mauve travelling dress or her boots, but she was sure that Rumplestiltskin had whisked them away and would subtly mend them with magic, though she was sure he would deny it if she were to point it out. The green dress was accompanied by matching slippers, butter-soft and silent as they touched the stone floor. She made sure to dry her hair out, noticing how it shone red-gold in the flattering light of the candles, and took her time brushing it and styling it out of her face, so it fell flatteringly down her back. Her neck and most of her upper torso was bare but for the chain keeping the vial of water tucked safely against her breasts, the wide neckline of the dress dipping low enough to leave her collarbones bare, but she didn’t mind it. She was inside the Dark Castle, with the Dark One. She was safe there. On the road she always had to think about not attracting unwanted male attention. Here she rather felt like the opposite.

It was a silly infatuation, and many would argue any interest or desire on her part was due to the wizard’s power, which some would say was an aphrodisiac potent enough to make some look past the Dark One’s rather unfortunate exterior. No one would ever believe her if she confessed she rather… liked his appearance. The green-gold skin, the wild hair, the talons, but also the exquisitely-tailored pants and vests, the frothy cravats, the slim coats. A beast and a gentleman. A rather enticing combination, she had found.

She went downstairs into the trophy room once more, where two massive chairs were pulled up next to the roaring fireplace, the main source of light. The Dark One was sitting in one of them, a snifter gingerly held by a clawed hand, containing some sort of brown-gold liquid. He glanced at her the moment she entered the room, unwilling or unable to hide his appreciation for what he saw. He had removed his coat, leaving only his high-collared vest and one of his open shirts to cover his upper body, no forty cravat in sight. He seemed less guarded, more adventurous than he usually was when it came to matters of intimacy.

“You clean up well, dearie. Wish I could say the same for your dress. A wash will only do so much for it, but I refrained from throwing it into the fireplace. You’re welcome.”

“Good, as it’s not your property to destroy.” Beauty sat down, with a poise that betrayed her royal upbringing, and primly crossed her legs at the ankles. “So, Dark One, are you prepared to deal with me now?”

She had dealt with him dozens of times before, she had no idea why it all sounded so much like innuendo now. She couldn’t say she minded it.

“Of course, my dear. I’ve had time to think about our deal whilst you were splashing about in the tub.” His sing-songy voice broke, getting suddenly deeper for a second or two, as if he was struggling to retain his composure. “The vial is certainly a good start, but perhaps not quite enough. Now, I’m prepared to be generous given our long and fruitful history of dealmaking together, but I must also keep up certain appearances. So I thought I would also demand… an evening of your time.”

He tried to make it sound sinister, but she was past getting scared of him. At least in the traditional way. She raised an eyebrow, adopting a rather coquettish expression.

“And what would an evening of my time entail exactly?”

“Oh, well, you know. Companionship, perhaps a game of chess, some good wine, conversation and the like.”

She made a show of thinking it over before offering her hand, which he shook without delay.

“It’s a deal.”

Several hours later she had won two games of chess, one game of checkers, and was sipping from her third coupe of sparkling wine as she listened intently to a story about a deal the Dark One had once made with a king from a distant land. He was a gifted storyteller, engaging and funny, knowing exactly when to pause or gesticulate to keep the flow of the story just right. The king in his tale was rather unfortunate, in the sense that his hubris and arrogance had led him to make a deal with the Dark One that he did not understand. Most of Rumplestiltskin’s deals seemed to be like that, Beauty thought. And when he came to collect people dared be indignant that he demanded what they promised in the first place.

“The king was furious. Never let go of the grudge. Hired several assassins to try and kill me. A waste of gold, of course.”

He let out a trilling laugh, which soon proved to be contagious. Somehow, over time, it felt like their chairs had moved closer, because if she stretched out a hand she could easily touch him. Odd.

“Serves him right, for making such an open-ended deal. What a rookie mistake.”

She didn’t recall removing her slippers but she must have, because her feet were enjoying being pressed against the soft cushion of the chair. He made a gesture for her to lean close, which was a bit of a balancing feat, but she managed. Her heart skipped a bit when he leaned close too, almost pressing his mouth against her ear.

“You have no room to talk, sweet. You struck a very vague deal yourself, committing to an evening of conversation, chess ‘and the like’. That little turn of phrase is an invitation to all manner of sins, even the darkest and most decadent of debaucheries.”

He hissed the last part, making her shiver. Not content with letting him have the upper hand she turned her head so their lips were inches apart.

“That’s what I was hoping for.”

She could tell she had shocked him into inaction. Cocky Dark One, always in control of the conversation, always one step ahead of everyone else. It was nice to see him floundering, to catch him unprepared. Finally he gulped and put a little distance between them.

“Aren’t you the bravest little poppet.”

“My mother always said ‘Do the brave thing and bravery will follow.’ I’m a firm believer of the principle.”

Slowly, almost painfully so, both his hands clutched at the armrests of her chair, effectively pinning her to it. She knew she was supposed to be scared but she felt nothing but excitement, a buzzing just beneath the skin that made her strangely needy for something. Touch, perhaps, or more. The feeling was so overwhelming she did not realise at first that the laces of her dress were coming undone, as if invisible hands were painstakingly pulling them loose. She tried to make eye contact, but he ducked his head, pressing his face against the base of her neck, where it met her shoulder. She sighed, noticing how gentle he was, his touch feather-light, and discovering that she would not mind a rougher treatment. He was restraining himself, she realised, trying to be a gentleman. Sweet, but not what she wanted from him at that moment. Feeling bold Beauty carded a hand through his hair, pressing his face more firmly against her skin.

“Please, Rumple.”

Those two words seemed to have a magic of their own, producing a sudden and radical change in him. He moved too fast for her to see, wrapping her up in his arms and depositing her on the long dining table on the other side of the room. She did not know whether he used magic or simply moved inhumanly fast, but either possibility excited her, reminded her of the power of the creature looming over her, claws tugging at the unlaced bodice of her dress, dragging the velvet down to expose her undergarments. She was wearing the underbust corset he had provided over the snowy linen shift he had also left for her, so it was easy for him to simply tug the shift down a bit to expose her breasts. He leaned forward, nuzzling the space between her breasts, making a sort of satisfied purring noise as he sniffed up her clavicles and down her throat. Then, once he was happy with the level of squirming she was doing, he finally gave her what she wanted, closing his mouth, with all of its sharp teeth, around one of her rosy nipples. It was a strange feeling at first, more unfamiliar than pleasant, but when he began to suck it changed completely, little shocks of pleasure running from her nipple to between her legs. It was amazing, more than she had ever achieved with her own hands whenever she could get some privacy at night, and the feeling doubled when he grasped her untouched breast, his long claws estimulating the other nipple.

She sunk both her hands in his hair, fisting it in an effort to keep herself from squirming too much, feeling both aroused and impatient. She kept waiting for him to tire of her chest and move further down but when he was finally done sucking her nipples his head moved north, his lips blinding searching for hers till they were kissing. It wasn’t anything like any kiss she had experienced before, not even the unpleasant smack her former fiance had forced on her. Though it was just as forceful there was a wild quality to it, one she had never associated with the affectionate gesture. It was heavenly, the release of passion, far from cooling her down, setting her on fire, stoking her need for him till it felt like she would explode if he didn’t give her relief.

He must have sensed it, her desperation calling to him like a siren song, because at some point he let go of her mouth to travel south, past her aching chest, and velvet-covered belly to where the skirts of her long gown kept her modestly covered. He wasted no time dragging the heavy fabric up, letting it pool around her hips along with the white linen of her shift. She did not have any other undergarments, having not been provided with any, so she was completely exposed to his gaze, from her milky things to her round hips. She squirmed, trying to picture what he must be looking at, the trim thatch of chestnut curls at the apex of her legs, obscenely drenched by this point and making a poor show of trying to hide the pink, glistening flesh beneath.

“What a lovely cunt you have.” His voice was dark, guttural, a monster trying to speak like a man. It thrilled her. “Let me drink from it, precious.”

He didn’t wait for her reply, choosing instead to simply bury his head against her flesh, his tongue rough and wide as it lapped at her field parting them to seek out the bundle of nerves that was throwing for attention. She arched her back, feeling like it was only her firm grip on her thigh and hip what kept her anchored to the table. She fell into a rhythm of sorts, her body seeking out something she could not find but his mouth striving to compensate, to give her what she needed. It was heavenly and seemed to last an eternity, the sensations building up till everything but them faded away, all sensations muted. She felt him move to, thrusting his hips against the edge of the table, making it rattle in a way that spoke of his sheer brute force. It was heady to have someone like Rumplestiltskin, who had always strived to don the mask of a gentleman around her, be so unhinged, so animalistic. More than anything it was that complete loss of control what drove her over the edge. She cried out, feeling her inner muscles coil and her senses spiral out of control, her orgasm leaving her dizzy. It seemed to last forever and not nearly long enough. She laid there for a while after the feeling passed, feeling satisfied and wanting at the same time. A few seconds later he also keened, slumping against her still-parted legs, his hair tickling the soft skin of her inner thighs.

They lay that way for what seemed like ages, while they scrambled to try and collect themselves. The afterglow did not feel awkward or uncomfortable, and it loosened up her tongue enough to venture out that she had hoped for an even more intimate act, a joining that was even deeper than what they had done.

“A deal for such a prize would have to involve all my deepest secrets, my most valuable truths.” He paused, pressing his forehead against the silky inside of her thigh, like a penitent would. “One day, perhaps.”

...

“Do you want to meet? I think it’s time.”

The orgasm had mellowed him out, otherwise he was sure he would’ve at least panicked a little bit. But in the afterglow of what they had just shared, albeit virtually, a meeting did not seem like such a bad idea. In hushed voices they arranged the time and place, tomorrow at a café and bistro in Boston. Nice and public, for both their safety. They knew both lived near Boston, so it seemed natural to pick the city. The drive wasn’t too bad, and he hoped it wasn’t a great inconvenience to her either.

Reluctantly they said their goodbyes, both trying to prolong the moment a bit more till they were both close to nodding off. With a final, reluctant goodbye they both disconnected, leaving Gold to clean himself up and make his way home. With his rumpled suit, disheveled hair and five o’clock shadow it must have looked like the walk of shame. It certainly didn’t feel that way.

...

He woke up in a happy mood, perhaps the best in a long time. Far from feeling stupid or embarrassed about his little bit of roleplaying-turned-porn-session he felt smug, empowered by the notion that he had made a smart, desirable woman come with only his voice and imagination. He felt like he was on the brink of something, as if an exciting possibility was opening up for him.

He went about his day with a bit of a spring in his step, though most citizens of Storybrooke would be pressed to notice. It was only when he saw the book on gardening he was due to return to the library that afternoon- his two Moth orchids had developed small water-soaked spots on the leaves and he had wanted to consult some verified sources instead of relying exclusively on Google search results- that his mood dampened somewhat. As nice as last night had been- bloody fantastic rather- it did make him sad, somewhat, to give up his crush on Belle French. However unattainable it was still nice to have it, that bit of feeling that did not need to be reciprocated to be real. It had been nice to feel something for someone for a change, to look forward to each smile and each small conversation. But it wouldn’t be right, and what he had now was more valuable in any case. Perhaps, with time, he would grow out of his infatuation with the librarian and they could be friends. That would be rather lovely.

He crossed the street towards the library around three o’clock, wanting to beat the rush caused by children being let off school, a busy time for one of the only kid-friendly places in Storybrooke. There were some patrons about, and the afternoon light made the library look truly beautiful. Miss French truly worked miracles with her limited budget.

He found her easily, shelving a few books in the poetry section, and tried not to preen when she smiled widely at him.

“Mr Gold, hi! Always a pleasure. Here to return a book?”

The librarian was always sunny and welcoming, but she looked even happier that day, an excited sort of energy practically rolling off of her in waves. Thank goodness he had decided to give up on his silly little crush, otherwise he might have buckled under the power of her brightness.

“Yes. And you look particularly happy today, Miss French, if I might say so.”

The librarian smiled even more, if possible, and leaned close, as if to tell him a secret.

“I have a date tonight.”

It hurt, the slightest bit, the shock making him take a step back, but less than it would have yesterday. And perhaps, he reasoned, this would be good. This would put them both in the path of becoming friends, allowing him to leave his crush behind much faster. He forced himself to enquire politely after the lucky man, listening as she talked about someone she had been flirting with for a long time now, and it seemed like the relationship was finally ready for the next step.

“I’m really happy. And very nervous. It feels like such a risk, after all this time building something that could easily fizzle out with a first date. But I’ve always believed in doing the brave thing, and bravery will follow. It’s what my mother always said.”

She had turned back to shelve a book as she finished the last sentence, so thankfully she did not see his jaw drop and his eyes widen, his surprise so visible no one could’ve missed it. His heart lurched in his chest, sheer and sudden panic making it difficult to breathe. Fuck. Fuck. It wasn’t possible. Belle was Beauty. Belle was Beauty. He tried to contradict the notion in his head but he had known Beauty’s British accent was passable but fake, and it made sense for him not to have identified her voice when she usually spoke with her natural Australian drawl, something he associated so closely with her. Everything else he had ever found out about Beauty, in and out of the D&D setting, coincided with what he knew, or thought he knew, about the librarian, one of the reasons why he had developed a crush on her in the first place.

The initial shock was followed by a spike of elation and then a sinking feeling of dread. He needed to cancel. She would be disappointed, but more disappointed if he didn’t and she realised her crush was a man a good deal older than her that was known for being the town monster. It would be awkward and she would not be able to escape him after it, both doomed to meet each other often, given the small size of the town. He could not put her through that.

He stopped himself then, noticing the familiar dark turn of his thoughts, dipped in so much self-loathing it was almost stifling. And he wondered if he really was thinking about Belle or about himself. Being a coward, taking the easy way out. He thought about how he had woken up, the world full of promise and the future bright with the possibility of something great on the horizon. And how he had felt brave last night, to leap into something that had been so worth it. Perhaps it was time to be brave more often. Do something, however small. Put the ball in her court, somehow.

“I wish you the best of luck, then. Perhaps some other time, if you’re not too busy, you could pop into my shop. I have a few antique books I feel you would appreciate.”

It was a nice recovery, and he was happy to see her smile, apparently welcoming the proposition. Everyone knew Mr Gold’s shop was only to be entered when making deals. He didn’t really allow idle perusal of his stock and no one had the money or interest to buy his antiques. His business was conducted mostly with people from major cities on the East Coast.

“Wow, an open invitation to traipse into Mr Gold’s shop, that’s not something one sees everyday. What do you want in return? I hear only deals can grant you access to the shop.”

She made sure to make it clear she was joking, something he appreciated. Feeling emboldened by her kind gesture he adopted a slightly higher pitch and replied:

“Oh, nothing much. Companionship, perhaps a game of chess, some good wine, conversation and the like.”

Being close enough he got to see as it dawned on her, as her brain quickly processed what he had said and where she had heard it before. And he knew, knew because of the way she looked at him, as if she did not recognise him, as if he was a brand new person to her, that she understood the implication, what he had meant to tell her without actually telling her.

“Hope to see you soon, then. Good luck with the date.”

He turned around before he could second-guess himself, feeling terrified by what he had exposed but satisfied at the same time. This way it was Belle’s choice to show up. For all she knew he had no idea that she was Beauty. She could make up an excuse and simply not meet her, and their worlds would never merge. If she did not want to pursue anything between them all she had to do is cancel the date, or not show up. He would respect her decision and never push for anything, or acknowledge their online relationship in the real world.

He sent her an email just as he was about to get into his car, letting her know that he understood that this meeting was a bit of a risk and he would understand if she backed out at the last minute. There were other things he could do in Boston, and he was not adverse to having dinner by himself. And they could still be friends, no matter what she decided. He was halfway to Boston when he heard his cell phone ping, letting him know he had a new email. As he expected, it was from Beauty:

“I’m on my way. Can’t wait to meet you! See you soon.”

He smiled.

#argoslight #rumbelle fic #rumbelle #Roll for Initiative #Thestraggletag fanfiction #Rumbelle Gift Swap

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 3 years

Text

I decided to watch the Walker pilot so you don’t have to. #2

Because I don’t love myself enough, I guess. Let’s continue.

Recap in case you missed the first part: it’s boring, Jared acts like he stumbled on the set and never heard about it before, Texan law enforcement must wear very pristine shirts and cowboy hats or they will die, I guess, the cinematography wants to be good but I’m not sure it knows how to do it.

The last thing I mentioned in the first post was Jared doing a thing with his mouth but I think you need to see it. It’s basically the extent of Jared’s acting in this show. I had nothing against you, man, I swear. I even got your autograph once. I’m not a hater. I’m just looking at him...

THE TITLE CARD! I had paused the episode riiight before the title card. You have to witness it in all its embarrassing glory

Whose idea was it??

Some shots of the city of Austin. Walker and Martinez (Mexican Lady Cop) are having lunch. She says she’s heard about him, he asks what she’s learnt, she says, I textuallty quote, “I hear you are the edge of the coin”. Again, we are not allowed to have any kind of slight metaphor without the dialogue slapping us in the face with it.

“Not head or tail, just... your way” Jared didn’t even come up with the metaphor in that interview, it was in the script. Unless he came up with that line, which isn’t even a good line.

She basically tells him not to get in the way of her career. Being a Mexican-American cop is hard! Such deep commentary.

They start discussing the case, which I had already forgotten about. The cop who was slightly assaulted and won’t talk about it. “Maybe whatever was in that truck spooked him enough to abandon his oath” maybe it was a monster. god I wish it was a monster so that’d mean I’m watching Supernatural and Jensen is in it. The “oath” thing is kinda icky, like they want to remind us that being a cop is a noble path. It is in some places under some conditions. But we’re talking about Generic American conditions.

He’s like “let’s use the traffic cams to see if we can see something” and he slips right into his Sam tone. Admittedly that’s a Sam kind of thing to say.

It was day, and now it’s night. Walker house. He arrives when his family have already started dinner. Except the daughter isn’t there, she’s out with a friend. “Isabel, some Mexican girl” Walker’s father calls the friend. “Mexican American, dad” the gay brother corrects him, a deep and interesting commentary on ethnicity in the United States, we’re weeping with emotion.

Walker apparently isn’t happy that his mother has enrolled his daughter in a Catholic school, his father snaps back at him. We don’t care. We’re not emotionally invested in any of this.

There’s some awkward dialogue because he mentions the daughter playing basketball, but she’s switched to soccer. Wow, it’s like she’s become an entirely different person in those eleven months he was undercover! Can you believe? Apparently she used to play soccer before, she’s come back to it. Whoa. She’s an utterly unrecognizable person now, it’s going to be so hard for Walker to get to know her again from scratch. Can you believe?

Then he gets a call. He needs to pick up the daughter from the police station. He does some Jared awkward faces and leaves.

The daughter (Stella) was at a party and was arrested for possession. I miss when possession meant demonic possession. Dramatic music plays. She’s there with the Mexican American friend, whose parents arrive and he starts a speech on how they should get to know each other better. It is so not the right context to start making friends. “Epic first meeting” Isabel says. “I’m so sorry, this is so embarrassing” Stella says. “For who?” Walker quips, like a normal person does.

He’s like, let’s go, and the girls hug, which is the only believable expression of affection I’ve seen so far in the episode. Can’t the story be about Stella and Isabel?

Father-daughter conversation in the truck. Apparently we have emotional moments in cars, which we have never seen on television before.

He asks what she was thinking, she’s like, duh what do people use drugs for. She calls him out for disappearing completely. She mentions how it was bad enough that they didn’t have mom. He says “we both got to stop acting like she’s gonna come back and put us right” which makes absolutely zero sense. It’s like someone wrote it on a note for how to develop the characters and they just decided to slap it into the script of the pilot. Remember these people haven’t seen each other for eleven months, he left shortly after his wife died. They didn’t have the time to process the grief together, why is he even saying that line here?

Meanwhile Martinez get home and we meet her boyfriend, a very cute Black man. They’re cute. Why can’t the story be about them?

He asks her about Walker, she says he’s a mess. Oh god. She says he was a Marine, “signed after 9/11”. Holy shit. He’s a Marine who signed up after asdfghjkl can’t you feel the Manly Trauma here????

He’s a Marine who signed up to fight Muslims after 9/11 and now has a dead wife, he’s exactly the kind of male lead character we need right now.

She says she’s trying to figure him out. Her boyfriend is like “dude stop thinking about that guy, he’s not at home trying to figure you out” and she replies “oh I’m pretty sure he thinks he knows everything about me already”.

This is the first scene that hasn’t felt bad so far.

Meanwhile Jared and his brother go to a bar. It’s very ~Texas Aesthetic~, and they’re wearing cowboy hats, of course. You are not allowed to go to a bar without a cowboy hat in Texas. “The brothers Walker” the flannel-shirt-clad bartender says, coming with drinks. Jensen Ackles makes a face somewhere in the mountains.

The brother goes to call his partner and the bartender starts chatting with Walker. She has a conversation with Jared’s awkward faces and she’s like, I guess you left because I couldn’t answer your questions about what happened yo your wife. This is how people converse in real life.

She asks him if he’s alright and he doesn’t answer, instead is like “let’s have a dance”. He doesn’t say he’s fine, but I think it still counts as a I’m Fine Lie Moment #2 because that’s what it is in spirit.

I know you’re bored, I’m bored.

They dance in the Texan bar, I’m distracted by the pool tables and wish this was Supernatural so we’d see Jensen Ackles play pool.

Obviously the dance is interrupted by work - a text from Ramirez who says she’s got something, “office 8am?” so he leaves because he has to wake up early. I’m not kidding.

I was kind of warmed over by Ramirez and her cute boyfriend and by the bar who was kind of nice as a location, when the next scene at the office immediately starts with Ramirez saying “My mom wouldn’t let me play with dolls when I was a kid, so Iearned about cars instead”. I die a little inside. It’s the second time she’s referred to her mother wanting a son...? So she’s badass because she wasn’t raised to be feminine...? Ew.

So they have this lead thanks to her knowledge of cars. They go investigate. I’m bored.

I shouldn’t have said I was bored, because Walker destroys my boredom by having Jared pick up a cross and start talking to “JC” sarcastically asking him for guidance about his kids going to the Catholic school. “Can you stop” Ramirez says, along with all of us.

By the way they’re in a workshop run by an ex-convict who employs former criminals to make figurines (like that cross). I got a bad feeling about this. Former criminal in cop shows is always code for current criminal.

The investigation leads to two guys who work in the store - “oh I know you,” one immediately says when he spots Walker, “you’re the ranger with the dead wife”. Walker is like, what did you say. And the guy is like oh I heard the story of a ranger’s wife biting a bullet near the border, guess you couldn’t protect her uh~~~

They exchange more provocations - Walker calls him some lowlife something and the guy goes to punch him and Walker beats him up. Violently. I’m uncomfortable. We’re supposed to think he’s exaggerating here but... he does get very violent and should not be a cop. Period.

They go to Ramirez’ house because he cut his hand. Her boyfriend is like “baby there’s a dude bleeding on your couch” I want a season of him, exclusively him.

She scolds Walker. Not because he beat up a guy with more force than needed, but because he acted stupid and that’s bad for her career. I’m uncomfortable.

Also, what’s bad is that they’re supposed to work *together*. He says he has his own way of doing things. Yikes yikes yikes.

She says that her theory is that they put them together because he always break the rules. Apparently she read up his cases and he always break the rules. The main character of the show is a cop who break the rules in half the cases he works. Yikes yikes yikes but also did I mention yikes?

No, wait, he acknowledges that he “bends” the rules, like that’s better! Yikes!

More bad dialogue, then Stella’s school calls him. She hasn’t been at school.

He goes to ask Isabel’s mother, who reveals they haven’t their papers yet, so any criminal activity would mean deportation. He talks about it with Ramirez and mentions that his brother who’s a DA could get in contact with the Feds to speed up the papers. Are we supposed to be like “oh what a good guy”? The thing is just creepy to me.

Well, at least Ramirez says something about it, or actually quotes her mother who used to say that the law doesn’t protect us. That’s why she ~burned bridges~ with her family! Apparently because she became a cop.

Ow. Her mother is not speaking to her because for her, her daughter being a cop is like a betrayal. But for her it’s a way to set things right! We’re supposed to think her mother is exaggerated. #notallcops #individualgoodcopscanchangethesystemfromtheinsideforsuredefinitely

Meanwhile their investigation continues. Remember the cross Walker randomly picked up to mock the concept of Jesus? Ramirez stole it. And now they find out there’s heroin in it. Alright... obviously the business that was supposed to rehabilitate former criminals is a cover for cartel drug dealing. What were we expecting. I’m tired.

Ramirez decides to work the case alone and sends Walker to look for his daughter. “I was that kid once, I always wanted to be found”. The impression you get from the scene is that Walker had forgotten about his daughter missing lol. Ramirez insists he goes. I’m uncomfortable with how many times people put on cowboy hats. Someone should count. We’re only 30 minutes in and it feels like it’s happened 80 times.

Alright, a break now! My laptop’s ventilation is running like crazy, VLC and long tumblr drafts are a bad combination. Or maybe it’s just my laptop being allergic to this show.

#cw's jared: legit texan #marghe watches walker for some darned reason

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shadow-night · 3 years

Text

Bounty Hunter in the Shadows Chapter 1

More chapters here on Ao3.

Story Tags: Erasermic, Friends to Lovers, young Aizawa Shouta, young Yamada Hizashi, Slow Burn, Slice of Life, Hurt/ Comfort, Angst and Feels, Comedy, Fluff, mental breakdown, PTSD, flashbacks, self-medication, drug use, homelessness, homeless Aizawa Shouta, unhealthy coping mechanisms, survivor guilt, cats, growing gp, character study, character development, recovery

Chapter 1: Aizawa and Yamada

Finally graduation day arrived. Aizawa held his UA high school diploma in his hands. This was a joyous occasion – or at least it should be. He should feel proud, which he did to an extent. Aizawa could not help but find the entire event nostalgic before it was even over.

He was a little proud he managed to pull through and finished school, graduating from the most famous hero school in Japan no less, but he also felt a deeply routed guilt. Yamada was joking and laughing with friends. Everyone was loud and happy, yet someone was missing.

Yamada tore Aizawa from his thoughts as he excitedly called out to him. Aizawa put on a teasing smile, silencing him with a quirk and vanished. It was meant as a joke but it also was great to escape his classmates.

Aizawa rolled his eyes at the endless amounts of texts Yamada sent him. He could practically hear the disappointed yelling while reading about how he had missed all the group photos. He didn't even bother to listen to the voice messages or pick his phone up when it rang. Aizawa went home and relaxed on his bed, knowing his foster parents wouldn't get home until later. He wondered what would happen if he left right this moment without another word to anyone. His suitcase was already packed.

A new message lit up his phone's home screen. Aizawa reached for the device, only now bothering to look at the chat.

Yamada:

We're all going out to eat tonight. Will you come?

Aizawa:

No. I promised them dinner.

It was true. He had promised his foster parents a ‘goodbye dinner’ before moving out. It was the reason why he didn't leave right this afternoon. They were decent people and were kind enough to give him space and not pressure him into spending more time together, so when they asked if he would have dinner with them tonight he couldn't say no.

Yamada:

But you're leaving tomorrow morning, right?! When will we see each other again??

That was a good point. It still hadn't quite sunken in that they would not be back at school again soon. They wouldn't just leave school for a weekend or a holiday, but forever. Aizawa almost regretted not staying longer at school now, though he also knew that it wasn't his thing. Seeing everyone excited for the future and sad they would part would have been a little too much. He was happier alone in his bedroom.

Yamada:

Can I come over?

Aizawa:

What about dinner?

Yamada:

We meet later. I'll come over.

Well. Now that that was decided all there was left to do was to wait for the energetic blonde. Wherever Yamada had been, he couldn't have been too far from his home. He was out of breath when, ten minutes later, he rang the doorbell non stop until the door was opened for him.

"Come on in." Aizawa said and they headed over to the brunet's room, where they sat down on the bed. At least Aizawa sat down. Yamada flopped onto the mattress still trying to catch his breath.

"You could have walked here." Aizawa noted.

"Yeah, but I didn't want to miss any more time! Who knows when we'll see each other again!" Yamada said.

"You're the one who wanted to work in America." Aizawa reminded him.

"I knoooow." Yamada whined, but then a grin returned to his face. "But I'm sure it's gonna be awesome!" he said determinedly.

"Just don't start talking to me in English all the time." Aizawa said and realized that he really would miss Yamada.

During their first year at U.A. he did not get particularly close with anyone but Shirakumo and Yamada. In their second year Aizawa had allowed himself to befriend Kayama a little. The cat Aizawa and Shirakumo found and gave to her had helped a lot in terms of befriending the girl who was a grade ahead of them.

After Shirakumo's death Aizawa made sure it stayed that way and distanced himself from others. He couldn't bear the thought of getting close to someone again only to loose them later. He looked at Yamada who lay on his back next to him on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Aizawa didn't want to think about how he would react if anything happened to the blonde.

"What train will you take tomorrow morning?" Yamada suddenly asked.

"Why? Don't tell me you want to meet me at the station." Aizawas tone was flat and seemingly uninterested.

"Ehhhh? Why not?!"

"You'll be hung-over." Aizawa stated.

"What? You really think us aspiring pro heroes will succumb to underage drinking?!" Yamada called out in mock surprise as if they hadn't- together in fact- gotten drunk before. Then he turned more serious. "I'd still come if you told me what time the train left." Yamada claimed.

"At 8:00 in the morning? Are you sure?" Aizawa said, a small smirk ghosting on his lips.

"Damn. That's early. Why are you torturing yourself like that?" Yamada asked, knowing how much Aizawa hated getting up early himself. Though, to be fair Aizawa seemed unhappy about getting up at any time. Insomnia was a real pain in the ass.

"I'll still come." Yamada said.

Aizawa just gave a low hum.

"You don't believe me! You'll see. I'll be there!" Yamada bumped his fist into Aizawa's shoulder.

"I didn't say anything." Aizawa said, raising his hands, showing his palms.

"Anyways." Yamada huffed. "You'll have to send me pictures of your apartment when you get there, alright."

"It's shitty. Nothing worth showing off." Aizawa protested.

"I don't care. I just want to see pictures."

"I'll send you pictures of the cockroaches I'll room with." Aizawa teased.

"Please don't!" Yamada looked horrified.

"You get those or nothing." Aizawa shrugged. This was nice. It was easy banter, just the two of them, nothing too overwhelming.

They fell into a comfortable silence, Yamada's eyes landing on Aizawa's packed suitcase.

Yamada had been surprised when Aizawa told him he would leave Musutafu the day after their graduation. He himself would travel to the US soon after the school year ended, but his flight went a week after graduation, giving him enough time to say goodbye to classmates and family. Well, Aizawa could count the friends he had on two fingers and he also did not have much family. Yamada did not know Aizawa’s host family particularly well but the few times he met them they seemed nice. Yamada could not help but wonder if Aizawa left so soon because he felt uncomfortable around them or if it had to do with Aizawa's general attitude and mood ever since their work study ended in their second year.

Yamada had a great support system at home but it was difficult mourning their dead friend himself and helping Aizawa at the same time. Shirakumo's death hit them both hard, though Aizawa definitely had a less healthy way of coping and far less support or people who didn't offer the support he needed which ended in him changing host families a month after their work study. It had been painful to watch Aizawa train in the Gym to the point he was so exhausted he fell asleep in their classes. Yamada had done his best to be there and watch Aizawa as often as he could, sometimes even training with him. It made them grow closer over time.

"You've got to take care of yourself." Yamada broke the silence.

Aizawa frowned, then looked away from the blonde. "You too."

"Hey, you missed out on all the pictures we took, let's take some now!" Yamada changed the subject. They wouldn't see each other in quite a while so they shouldn't just mop around. Aizawa was not impressed by the idea, but when Yamada sat up on the bed and sat right next to him he tilted his head towards the blonde as he held up his phone. Within minutes Yamada's camera roll filled up with new pictures of them both.

"You should leave soon, if you don't want to be late." Aizawa said eventually as he took notice of the time.

"I guess." Yamada said and sat up on the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, alright?" He reminded Aizawa.

"Don't trouble yourself. It will be fine if you don't." He said.

The door fell shut and Aizawa stood alone in the quiet house. Dinner with his foster parents also was a quiet affair. He appreciated that. They did not try to get him to talk more than usual or try to talk him out of things last minute. They asked if he finished packing and if he still needed something, as if anything was worth the trouble of going out this late at night. There were plenty of stores with the same products where he moved. He let them know he had everything he needed and stayed seated at the table after dinner. They drank tea and let it sink in that things would be different from now on.

The night seemed to drag on forever and Aizawa barely slept. He got up early, even earlier than he had to, so he could make breakfast for everyone. He made his host parents favorite tea, put six slices of bread in the toaster oven and got out a pot to make miso soup. He didn't have to cook but even he could make something as simple as miso soup with tofu and seaweed. He set out the jam for the bread and got out some plates when his host parents came out.

Aizawa checked his phone when he got his suitcase after breakfast. No new messages showed up. The blonde sent him a few photos during the night, so Aizawa knew his classmates drank alcohol and stayed up until the early morning hours. He tried to ignore the slight pang in his chest. It was good Yamada had fun last night. He should rest now. They could talk over the phone later, he told himself pocketing his phone. He looked around the room one final time. It was clean and he already pulled the sheets off and put them into the washing machine.

"Remember you can call us anytime." His host mother told him as they stood in the entrance. Aizawa gave a slight nod to signal he heard her as he tied his shoes.

"Don't hesitate to ask for help." Her husband added.

"Thank you. For everything." Aizawa said, looking them in the eyes. He even gave both a hug before he stepped outside and pulled his suitcase to the station.

When Aizawa arrived at the nearest tram station, he realized he gave Yamada the time his other train would leave from the bigger train station. So even if the blonde intended to come he might have thought of the wrong place. He checked his phone but no new notifications showed up. Aizawa pocketed his phone as the tram came to a stop. The small tram was packed with people going to work and Aizawa shuffled to the door, pulling his suitcase as close as possible. He gave an apologetic nod to an older lady close to him. Aizawa focused his eyes outside the window looking at the familiar houses and stores passing by.

Finally the tram reached the central station. He arrived with some time to spare and checked his phone while he stood waiting at the platform. He felt a little forgotten but tried his best to push the feeling aside. He told Yamada not to worry about coming, so it wasn't fair to be mad at him for not showing up.

He could hear his train enter the station and then, even louder than the arriving train his name. "Aizawaaaaaaa!" He knew that voice.

Aizawa turned around to the direction the call had come from and saw Yamada running into the station. Several people held their ears and stared at the blond in irritation. He would have to get to this platform, but the train just arrived so there was enough time. Aizawa couldn't help but smile.

When Yamada finally came running down the stairs he looked like he would throw up any second. "The things I do for you." he huffed out of breath when he came to a stop in front of Aizawa.

"I told you, you didn't have to come." Aizawa said, but his smile gave him away.

"Please just tell me you are happy to see me so that it was worth coming." Yamada begged. He wore a t-shirt with an unidentifiable stain on it and one of his shoelaces was open. He was very pale and his unstyled hair hung in his face.

"Yeah. I'm happy." Aizawa gave in. "Thank's for coming." He said just as Yamada stepped away from him and threw up over the other side of the platform where no train was.

"Are you alright?" Aizawa asked, holding the other's hair back. Other people were stared more or less subtly.

"Ugh..." Yamada groaned. Aizawa glanced at the clock, "Wait here. I'll be right back." He said and jogged to a vending machine to get some water.

"Thank's." Yamada said after he washed his mouth out and took a sip. "Sorry about that." He said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Do you need money for a taxi back?" Aizawa asked.

"No, no! It's fine. Keep your money! I still have some." Yamada said. He pulled his walled out in demonstration. He knew Aizawa did not have much saved up and he doubted he suddenly accepted more from his host family.

"If you're sure." Aizawa said.

"Actually, let me pay you back for this." Yamada held up the bottle Aizawa just got him.

"It's just water." Aizawa shook his head.

"Alright. Thanks." Yamada put his wallet away again. They stood in silence for a moment after that.

"Well...-" Yamada tried to break the silence.

"I have to get on the train soon." Aizawa said at the same time.

"Ah...right. Well...I'll hear from you soon right? Send pictures!"

"Of roaches. Sure." Aizawa couldn't help but tease with a smirk.

"I got up and came all the way here and this is how you thank me?!" Yamada said so loud he winced himself. He hadn't even spoken that loud but with his head already pounding every decibel felt like too much.

"We'll see." Aizawa said and reached for his suitcase. Should he give Yamada a hug? His arms twitched, though he kept them at his side. "Get some rest." he said, taking a step back.

"You too!" Yamada nodded, wincing once more at his own volume.

"Thank's for coming." Aizawa said, standing in the train's doorway. "Bye."

"Bye." Yamada said a little quieter now, but with a smile on his face while he waved. The blonde was always so positive and energetic. It was nice. Aizawa waved as the door closed, then moved to look for his seat.

It was a window seat and he waved once more once he sat down. Yamada waved with two arms as the train began to move.

This was it.

Aizawa's chest felt tight as the train drove out of Musutafu. So many memories were connected to the city. Good, as well as bad. He gulped down the lump that formed in his throat and pressed his shirt's sleeve against his eyes. A new chapter of his life started with his move to Naruhata. There was no turning back now.

More chapters of Bounty Hunter in the Shadows on Ao3 :)

#erasermic #erasermic fanfic #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #aizawa shouta #present mic #aizawa + yamada #maizawa #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic

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dgcatanisiri · 3 years

Text

Tried to make a brief summary of the issues of Mass Effect Andromeda’s handling of queer men and how it relates to why we’re (broad use here) upset with the Legendary Edition failing to provide better representation than the originals, and it kinda turned in to what amounts to an open letter for BioWare.

So, what the heck, here it is.

A little personal background. I spent my high school life completely in the closet. After graduating, I had a new computer and the opportunity to play a new game. The game chosen was BioWare’s Jade Empire. Still a fairly recent release, and I was a big fan of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic, also by BioWare. So, being a young gay man, still uncomfortable and uncertain of who I was, I was very excited when I got to play this game that would allow me to play a gay romance, a romance that featured two men. I burned through two playthroughs of the game within less than a week, enjoying that rush of acknowledgement that yes, gay guys could be the hero. It was a massive affirmation for me at the time, something that said that my sexuality was not going to prevent me from being the hero, which legitimately was a message that I felt like most media was giving me to that point, because gay men barely appeared in anything other than guest roles for an episode or two on a TV show, but certainly not in video games. That game, that experience... I’ve said for years that it had cemented me as a BioWare fan for life.

If I say that now, it is a statement with a few caveats.

The history of the failure of Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2 to provide any male/male romances is well documented. I was excited, very eager to romance Kaidan Alenko in Mass Effect 3. But even then, I noticed that there were things that were lacking in the romance. It was noticeable, for instance, that the basic dialogue between male Shepard and female Shepard was unchanged, if either was starting a new romance with Kaidan. The thing that always felt... WRONG about that was that if I’d had the option to begin a romance with him in the first game, I would have. Yet there’s not even a bit of dialogue that even references that inability, no comment of “I didn’t think you were available,” or anything of the sort, nothing to say that, say, Shepard was interested in Kaidan at the time, but didn’t believe he’d be receptive, didn’t want to damage their friendship, something of the sort. There was even a cut in the romance scene, where female Shepard will sit in Kaidan’s lap before being lifted up and carried to the bed, but with male Shepard and Kaidan, just fades to black. And then in the Citadel DLC, while all the other pairings walked in to the casino arm in arm, male Shepard and Kaidan are leaving plenty of room between them. There’s also the absence of any cuddling as they return to the Normandy.

To say nothing of the lack of Steve Cortez during the story segments of Citadel – he is not part of the big team entrance to the apartment, just spontaneously appears in the lounge room. He doesn’t participate in the briefings, and he is not a casino date, despite being part of the assembled team. Cortez also suffers from the fact that his romance spends so much time on how he needs to move on from the death of his husband, Shepard can come across as predatory towards him, trying to push him out of his grief and his pants. Due to the lateness of his arrival in the story, in game three, as opposed to game one or two, there is significantly less time to establish him as a person – beyond his past as a pilot and the death of his husband, we gain almost no concept of his personality or personal history.

I bring all of this up to help set the stage of what was expected when Mass Effect Andromeda was nearing release. Mass Effect had been full of problems of representation of queer men specifically (not that they were perfect on the count of female/female relationships either, because there’s plenty to talk about there, but as I’m not a lesbian or bisexual woman, I don’t feel comfortable talking about their experiences for them). While there were flaws, Dragon Age, what is often considered Mass Effect’s sister franchise, HAD managed to provide male/male romances in every iteration of that franchise.

In fact, considering that Dragon Age’s most recent installment, Dragon Age Inquisition, had been put out with a lot of fanfare about the first gay male companion, who was considered rather popular in the fandom, and the game itself receiving the Game of the Year award that year, indicating that, if there was any risk in the business sense of providing representation of queer men, it was negligible at most in the bottom line of that game, the attitude of a lot of gay men in the lead up to Andromeda’s release was some variation of “okay, Mass Effect has been flawed, but BioWare’s learned from their past mistakes, and they’re coming off the heels of a hugely successful game that had a gay character whose gayness was front and center in his storyline... We can expect that things will be fine, and we don’t have to worry.” That was the dominant attitude I found in a lot of my queer-oriented spaces.

But we started getting uncomfortable as the developers remained cagey about romance options in Andromeda – there were Twitter responses to “we’re concerned about Mass Effect’s history of gay representation, we would like to know about the options” that came out as “we checked and yep! They’re there!” These responses came across as flippant and even tone-deaf – the reason that the question was being asked was because of prior failures to be included, and not simply a desire to get all the details before launch.

As the trailers started coming out, the questions continued from the fans, and the response from the developers... continued to be uncomfortable. When asked directly for a listing of romances prior to release, the response was that the developers wanted players to learn as they played, that “the fun is in experiencing it!” This was a specific response when it was learned that the romance options could be flirted with regardless of orientation, but they would shut it down. Despite the fact that the trailers DID include content from certain romances – specifically, the male Ryder/Cora and male Ryder/Peebee romances.

This was uncomfortable for a lot of queer players like myself because it spoke to a lack of consideration of what it is like to be queer. In many places, it is a serious question of safety to even put yourself out there to find a partner, to flirt with someone openly unless you are already certain that there is a chance for a positive response. There are places where a queer person flirting with the wrong person can get them harassed, assaulted, even killed for doing so. Even in the safety of a virtual construct of video games, these are honed instincts that queer people have developed. And no matter how many times we would say this to the developers, no one seemed to understand. Likewise, the fact that the trailers felt free to show off heterosexual romances, but not queer ones felt... questionable.

Then, finally, firm details started coming out, and... There were problems. Early data-mining said that there was an even split of romances between orientations. But there was a bit of discomfort around the reveal that the gay characters, Suvi and Gil, were limited to the ship, rather than being companions who would accompany Ryder on missions. There is a history of companions being given more involved storylines and involvement than secondary characters. It also didn’t help the disappointment from queer people who’d been eager for Cora or Liam as romances, who were firmly established as straight (Cora herself had a popular lesbian following).

That discomfort increased when it came out further that, ACTUALLY, Jaal would not be available for Male Ryder. This caused a lot of upset. Now it was a case where there was NO M/M squadmate romance option. This on top of the group of fans who were uncomfortable with the idea that, in a sci-fi series, gay men couldn’t romance an alien, while this had become a staple of the series, considering Liara, the character from a species described as equivalent to Star Trek green-skinned Orion girls, had been available for straight men and lesbian/bi women from ME1, and straight women got in on the act with Garrus and Thane in ME2, on top of straight men also getting Tali.

This got worse when the achievement listing for the game was released and there was an achievement for “romancing three different characters.” Meaning that it was absolutely impossible for a gay man to play the game and get this achievement without playing a sexuality other than his own.

This is why I led with my experience with Jade Empire, why it was so affirming to me. Because to hear all this, ten years later, to see what had been so affirming to me a decade prior be functionally dismissed, be shown to take a secondary position at best... It hurt.

And the game proper did not help that feeling at all.

So first we meet Gil Brodie. Engineer of the Tempest. One of the first things we learn about him is that he has a close friendship with a woman named Jill. And then he immediately tells us that one) she is a fertility specialist, and two) she “says [he’s] part of the problem” because he won’t have kids the natural way. This is immediately setting off red flags to me – I can think of plenty of my friendships where we give one another grief for various things, but I would never think of introducing any of them to someone else with that fact. So my reflexive thought in this situation is “what kind of a friend is this really?”

And then, as the game goes on... This is the only thing that Gil’s conversations involve, the prospect of having kids. We do not learn much more about him, just have him talking about considering the idea. The lock-in for his romance requires Ryder to meet Jill, who Gil again says that she will talk his ear off about his “civic duty” to reproduce, a fact that makes those earlier red flags wave higher and more furiously, because who DOES that to a total stranger? And this is passed off as being “charming.” This leads to the culmination of the romance, where Gil says that Jill has decided she wants to get pregnant and she wants Gil to be the dad.

There’s... A LOT going on here, so let me work through this. First, one of the few things Gil says as a bit of establishing his character is that he is impulsive, that he joined the Andromeda Initiative, the journey from the Milky Way galaxy to the Andromeda galaxy without really thinking through what it would mean, that it was a one-way journey with no way to back out once he’d gotten there. So this is already saying to me that this is not a person who really SHOULD be a parent, at least at this point in his life.

We also get a couple of emails from him in-game that paint him as putting in thirty-six hour workdays into the engines on the Tempest, that he cares about and puts a lot of time into those engines. So when I think about him as a father, I see him having to give up something he’s deeply passionate about to do it, because the Tempest is certainly no place to raise a child – they can’t exactly put a playpen in the cargo hold, for example.

This would be one of the first things that I would think of as a discussion element, but... it’s not there. All that we get is a couple of casual comments about how Gil should know that bringing a child into the world is a big thing, something that shouldn’t be done lightly. But this is framed as Ryder questioning Gil’s fitness to be a parent at all, rather than questioning if he’s thinking this through and having considered this enough to be ready to take on this responsibility, or if it’s even something that he even wants.

Because that’s the other big thing here – this is not Gil’s idea. This is not something that he makes clear is his desire. No, it’s Jill who has decided that she wants to get pregnant and use Gil’s sperm. For all that he matters in this whole thing, he might as well be a turkey baster. He’s basically an accessory in his own story, because he goes in to this with all the passion of a math equation: “The Andromeda Initiative is a colonization effort. Therefore, the idea is to have babies. Therefore, I should find some way to reproduce.” This isn’t him having a passion or desire to have kids, just it being “something you do.”

This is, genuinely, a failure to understand the character who was being written. Gil’s writing reeks of having been written by someone who does not know what they are talking about. There is an element to the gay experience that is not innate but learned. When we realize that having children is not a thing that will just happen, that if we want this to happen, it will require a lot of additional steps, there are many who will simply say “this isn’t for me, this is more work than I’m willing to put in to for this.”

Now, Gil could have been someone who had decided it was worth it, but that butts up against the idea of him being impulsive, that he doesn’t think things through. There is no time given to focusing on the reason he decides this is the right choice for him, to the point that many players felt that this was not Gil’s decision but something that Jill was pushing, that she expected him to jump on her command. Because we have so little of Gil, as a character and an individual, but plenty of him talking up her, this “friendship” feels toxic to many.

Just about everyone I have ever spoken with about Gil is deeply uncomfortable that literally, the only way that he will not have a child at this point is if a romanced Ryder stops him – if I am playing a game where I don’t romance him, I actively just stop interacting with him at a certain point so that this never comes up, because this does not come across as happy. It comes across as forcing a gay man into a heteronormative experience to satisfy some traditional idea of “man and woman, raising kids.”

And, as the cherry on top, if you do tell Gil that you’re not comfortable having kids – a very real thing, whether gay or straight – then, unlike other romances, Gil and Ryder do not share a kiss at the finale of the game. And, during the last conversations on Meridian, the only thing Gil even brings up is Jill being pregnant, whether or not it’s his child.

This is what “representation of gay men” amounted to in Mass Effect Andromeda. A homophobic story that was about a gay experience written by someone who is not a part of this community and does not know or understand the experience personally, going through the motions of development when really, all that is cared about is the end result. To say that most of the gay men I know who have played this game find this homophobic is to undersell the point.

It doesn’t help that, of all the Tempest romances, Gil also clocks in with the least amount of romance exclusive material – a few flirts, the romance lock in and scene, and being able to stop Gil from having kids. Other than that, his friendship and his romance are virtually identical.

Speaking of, the romance scene consists of a make out session that fades to black, before coming back in with Ryder and Gil, shot from about shoulders up, briefly wrapping up their conversation that preceded the fade to black. This is noteworthy when the heterosexual romances between Ryder and their human love interests, as well as Peebee and Jaal, the former having a similar body model to naked human women, just blue, and Jaal, who is naked at other points in the game, have much more involved romance scenes – Cora’s in specific received special attention.

All of this, individually, may have just been reflective of time crunch and other external pressures – we all understand the realities of game development, that for all the ambitions that go in, when the deadlines are nearing, something has to give. But taken collectively... The kindest question is to ask why all of the “give” happened in regards to the gay man?

The end result with Gil honestly feels like he was written in response to the bad faith arguments that had come up in the period after the name for the game was revealed and it was made clear that the game would follow a colonization effort. There were a contingent of people who said that “there shouldn’t be gay people coming along, a colonization effort needs to reproduce.” This is a bad faith argument from homophobes, trying to justify why they don’t want gay people in “their” games. In answering their question, the question they only “ask” in order to explain why they don’t want to have gay people in the game without saying that, it comes across as catering the gay content for a heterosexual audience. It should go without saying that this is a bad position to take.

So, that’s Gil. What about Reyes? Well, Reyes himself is bound to a single planet, which, again, points to a minimizing of how much content he will even get, since his content can only be accessed on this single planet. Likewise, Reyes, as a character, is someone who falls in to several old, tired tropes with regards to bisexual men – he is a shady, untrustworthy character, in this instance literally a criminal, meant to be evocative of the “dashing rogue” archetype. This is a characterization that has often been BioWare’s go-to with regards to bisexual men, because we see this archetype drawn on in Jade Empire’s Sky, Dragon Age Origins’ Zevran, Dragon Age 2’s Anders, and even elements exist in Dragon Age Inquisition’s Dorian (even if he is a gay man). It’s a well that BioWare has frequently tapped when it comes to a romance option for queer men, to the point that it starts to feel like BioWare in general believes that this IS what queer men are.

There’s also the questionable portrayal of Reyes that leads to a description of the trope “the depraved bisexual,” an explicitly bisexual character who uses sex and sexuality as a manipulative tool, that they treat others as simply there to be their toys. Over in Dragon Age Inquisition, one of the romance options was specifically NOT made bisexual in order to avoid this trope, but Reyes himself seems to be a candidate for that trope all the same.

All this, and, again, the romance options for gay men were unequal to those for everyone else. This prompted the campaign #MakeJaalBi – Jaal was, notably, the character initially assumed to be the bisexual male companion, and on release, his romance was heterosexual exclusive. But datamining revealed that there was code for him to be romanced by male Ryder. Indeed, on release, it was noteworthy that Jaal could not even be flirted with by male Ryder. Liam had a distinct turndown for male Ryder, a couple of them, depending on when Ryder flirts with him. Jaal had no such turndown.

And this worked. BioWare released the patch for Andromeda that gave Jaal a bisexual romance. However, this was the only change that Mass Effect Andromeda received in regards to the issues of the romances before support for the game ended. While it was seen as an improvement, it was also questioned why this was the only change, when... Well, I spent the better part of two pages outlining the problems of Gil’s portrayal.

(I feel I would be remiss to not mention there was also a character, Hainley Abrams, who would, upon interacting with her, proceed to deadname herself to Ryder, as if that is the only way to establish that a transgender person is trans. This was also changed in a patch after the trans community complained, and, in conjunction with the above, led more than a few people to wonder if the Andromeda script had been looked over by any queer sensitivity readers, given the earlier issues with Gil. This does go out of the scope of everything else in this discussion, but it is worth mentioning.)

When Mac Walters says players will talk about how Shepard is each of theirs, that every individual player approaches Shepard as being “their” Shepard, he isn’t wrong. He says the characters, and the relationships we have with the characters is the heart and soul of the series, he isn’t wrong. And yet... When I play the trilogy, my heart and soul are being torn apart, because I do not get to see myself in the trilogy. I am not there in this story, at least for two thirds of the way. And in that third that I am there, I feel like I am cared about less than my counterparts who are heterosexual.

The idea that “making” characters available for same sex romance changes them is like saying that there is some inherent difference in a person because of their sexualities. While it’s true that the experiences of queer people does offer different perspectives on matters, it does not fundamentally alter the person, the individual that we are. It does not change our heart and soul. Restoring the bisexuality of characters like Jack, Jacob, Ashley, Thane, or Tali is not changing who they are. Making Kaidan bisexual in ME3 did not change who he was, and restoring a romance between him and male Shepard in ME1 would not change him either.

Every game has some cut content surrounding queer content specifically, and a great deal of that content is specifically for gay players like myself. I said at the beginning that I once thought of myself as a BioWare fan for life, but that now comes with caveats. The caveats are pretty simple – while the games produced by BioWare once felt affirming, now they feel like they’re only grudgingly allowing me to be there. That if I must be there, I should just take the scraps I’m given and be content with that, rather than being treated as an equal.

I like to think that this is not the message that the people at BioWare wish to impart to their players. I like to believe BioWare’s statements of wanting to be an inclusive and welcoming environment for their players, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, orientation, whatever identity and label one chooses. But based on the experience of the last four games, of the Legendary Edition perpetuating the homophobia of over a decade ago... I have a hard time believing that.

BioWare games once made me feel like I was equal to the straight heroes across my media. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that way about their games anymore. Not when, after having the opportunity to restore the bisexuality of Kaidan – of multiple characters, really – in the Legendary Edition, I am still being told that offering representation for people like me is something that only comes grudgingly.

And if that’s what I see now... What does it say about what the future of the franchise will offer? If every game in this series involves fighting for content that, in particular, heterosexual players will see offered as the rule, what motivates me to want to continue to be invested and involved in this franchise?

#bioware critical #dg rants #another angry queer rant #make mass effect inclusive #make mele inclusive #makemeleinclusive

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noahstayed · 3 years

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Sorry if you've already answered these questions but I still want to ask them so...

1) Are you going to make another book after Earthshine?

(If the answer is yes; (and you don't have to answer this one,) Are you going to do a time skip or will you go the 'the condom broke'?)

2) Will Edward have a mate (If yes; will you create an OC or simply pluck a character from the twilight saga archives are revamp them?)

3) If you do make a version of Breaking Dawn, will it have the same premise (Ie. Wedding, Honeymoon, (I typed hUMANmoon and then corrected it, don't know why my fingers went there.) surprise pregnancy (or not? Because Carlisle is a DOCTOR) turning, then the Volturi going all "We must kill the child!"?)

4) With regards to question three, in the (honestly, and sadly, unlikely) ( completely forgot what word I was going to type, and It as too much trouble to type that so I'm just going to use another word that won't flow as well) situation (I'm so unhappy with this word, my stomach is turning something fierce, man.) that you DO go the standard "with the other book as a very, very, loose guideline) Would you go the route of OYH or would make an entirely new plot?

Also, if you do go with the same general outline, (which is unlikely since Irina isn't with Laurant in newmoon but with Charlie, so there's no bitter feelings and she won't immediately go to the kings before she's heard Carlisle's explanation.) How would you make that work?

5) I know you said that if you do make a fourth book you would just use the dhampire from OYH, Elisha, does that still reign true? Or are you planning to make a new character entirely?

6) If you do make a fourth, and go the OYH route, would you still make Elisha Emse's mate, like in OYH? Or will you go with Garette?

7) Also, since you have previously made an ff about Garette and Bella having a brother-sister type friendship would we see that and get to see Garette claim her as his sister and charlie as his father, and everyone goes along with it? (Honestly, I REALLY want this to happen, especially since I've spent the last hour scrolling through your tumbler and stumbled upon the 'I'm older than my father' post.)

8) Really, all these questions border on the main one of "is there going to be a breaking dawn/part 4-5 (depending) in your rewrite?" but if you do, would Carlisle buy Isle Bella as a honeymoon present of would that be in the oneshots book (that you'll hopefully be writing after this is over) as like a "Have fifteenth anniversary" thing?

9) Are you going to write a book full of random one-shots you couldn't fit into your story? I REALLY HOPE SO.

enthusiastically hope so. :) (that's really a tense smile with eyes SHINING with hope. Just informing you that you'll be crushing my heart. Brutally. With a stake. No pressure :) )

10) If you don't write the fourth book will we get an epilogue with the wedding five years later? Like, with Bella being SUPER nervous?

And finally, 11) (I really want a war to showcase Bella's awesome vampire powers (because you've stated (in a previous Tumblr post) that you'd give Bella her BAMF!Bella OYH powers)) So if there's a part four, even though the Volturi is "lawful" and like, has a brain, in your series, can they like have a brain fart where they go. "He's making an army," Or just straight up CANNON!Aro with his need for power be like "It's an immortal child, and it needs to be destroyed." But really be thinking, "They're growing too large, already their numbers rival our own, they must be put down! This is the perfect time!" Like the (cowardly) power-hungry and villainess we all know and love. Kinda.

I have other questions but those can really wait lol.

I basically want breaking dawn and the third (Do you count Charlie's book as part of Bella's story or as a stand-alone since you weren't really progressing the plot very much (also a very good way to have a time skip in your main)?) isn't even done yet.

I don't know if you can tell, but I've been reading this series for three days straight (new fan!) and just started your OYH series and I'm just filled with a desire right now. Like, I typically hate sex scenes in a twilight book (but that's because I was a child when these movies came out (saw them all in theatre!) and still was when I read the books, so Bella is SACRED lol, and It just makes me uncomfortable to imagine her in those positions (it's like a trauma okay?) but I really enjoyed your stories (even if I basically glossed over your sex scenes and read through them quickly) and could actually sit through your sex scenes (mostly, because it wasn't INTENSE! Like, a lot of rewrites turn breaking dawn into literal Porn and sully the books for me because they basically remove a lot of plot to make room for Bella's sudden appetite, and while, yes, you gave her an appetite and... I am just really enjoying your stories and how you write so Thank You.

Okay, I've let you know your appreciated and put out my question into the tumblr universe so now I just have to wait for you to see this and maybe respond.

I hate waiting.

I haven't gotten an ask in a while and AJKHFJKHD Listen!! THE FACE I MADE AT HOW LONG THIS IS??? Superb!! I'm honored you've taken the time to write this all out so I'm gonna try to answer you as best as I can!!

Right now I'm 100% sure that there will be a couple of Novellas/Novelettes directly after Earthshine. The Renee Story, the Charlie Story, and the Roommate Story which all will get maybe 40k and mini plots that are far more focused than Charlie's first story. Charlie's new story will be focused on his relationship with Carlisle too, so that should be fun!

Edward having a Mate is still up in the air at the moment. Since he is still very young, I don't see the need to really give him someone so quick when other characters have waited WAAAY longer. As for who it might be, that's also still up in the air in case I want to do a short story with him that's a part of a series of Novellas after the main books

If I do make a BD rewrite IT WILL have wedding/honeymoon/surprise pregnancy then it will PRETTY MUCH go off the rails from there because the Pregnancy will be VASTLY different. Carlisle is a Doctor and Bella isn't an idiot. They won't be in Washington either.

Again. The first half will be loosely based on the book and then just go completely off the rails because, Like you said, the Volturi have brains and I LOATHE an 'idiot' plot where people are required to suddenly become stupid for the story to work. As for the OYH route, I will be borrowing a couple elements from OYH but the conflict will be very different.

Elisha is baby and there's no way I could make another Dhampir at this point. Not with how much I love him.

The aging process will work differently in this fic for Dhampirs, so this question is irrelevant since Elisha will be a child for the entire fourth book. As for when he's older, Its still up in the air for this series. He deserves to be baby and I very much dislike the trope of age faster = mentally develop faster because that's BS.

We'll see, I love Bella and Garrett, but there's A LOT I'll have to cram into the last book so we'll just see.

As much as I'd love to answer this, I'm covering the honeymoon in the fourth book so you'll see what happens in there ; )

I HAVE PLANS for random one shots. I REALLY DO. I just has so little time to work on the main story so I might write some when Earthshine is done! I have a name for the one-shot collection already too and some Ideas!

I very much plan to write the fourth book you'll be fine. Bella will not be nervous, she'll be WAY more anxious about it going right. Mostly her nerves will be from anticipation and excitement because she'll be 23 and be very secure in her forever with Carlisle.

There will be a fight in book four that will not have the Volturi turning stupid. Don't worry about how.

Charlies little story is a Novella so I don't count it as a book.... GOD hearing you plowed through the series in so short a time is MIND boggling. I get people telling me this occasionally and I NEVER stop being amazed by it!

As for the sex scenes, yeah, I didn't want this to be erotic literature. I frequently scream that 'THIS ISN'T A SMUT BOOK' because them having sex is just a normal healthy thing that happens in relationships and wanted to show that. The sex scenes I write tend to be glossed over anyways so I'm glad it was readable for you. I get feeling frustrated and wanting more plot, but there are plenty of people who prefer the very explicit smut.

If sex scenes aren't your cup of tea, that's fine. I don't view Bella as pure and innocent though. It teeters dangerously on the Madonna/Whore dichotomy to act like she is. I get wanting to preserve the innocence of your childhood through her. That's not me though. Bella/Carlisle's relationship is highly sexual in nature within SoG and that's ALRIGHT too!

Thanks for the super long ask!!! it was great to read and fun to respond to!

#asked and answered #acadiatclements #long post #Sound of Grey Series #SoG #NoahStayed Writes #Bella x Carlisle #Carlisle x Bella #Bellisle

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kjack89 · 3 years

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Man I always get whiplash from your blog layout, it's great. Anyway, 44 (Tentative kisses given in the dark.) for exr *eyes emoji*

Sorry not sorry about the blog layout XD

Anyway, this was supposed to be something else, something sweeter, but then this happened, and, well...

ExR, modern AU, developing relationship.

Enjolras dumped his bag on a table in the backroom of the Musain and started unbuttoning his coat, though he paused when he saw Grantaire, Joly and Bossuet at a table in the corner, their heads together as they discussed something with what looked like urgency.

His curiosity piqued, Enjolras wandered over to them. “Not to use ableist language, but if you believe that, you’re cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,” Bossuet said dismissively, as Joly nodded in agreement.

Grantaire snorted. “Not entirely sure that’s ableist, though General Mills may sue for copyright violations. Besides, I’m not the one who’s apparently lost what’s left of my marbles.”

“Look, copyright violations aside, I think Bossuet’s got a point—” Joly started, but Grantaire cut him off.

“Oh, sure, take his side like always,” Grantaire sniped.

Enjolras cleared his throat and all three startled before looking over at him. “Dare I ask what you three are arguing about?” he asked mildly, and to his surprise, Joly blushed.

“I wouldn’t call it an argument,” he hedged, glancing sideways at Bossuet, who nodded emphatically.

“Right, it’s really more of a disagreement.”

Enjolras raised an eyebrow. “Fine, what are you disagreeing about?”

Grantaire smiled blithely at him, the only one of three who didn’t look remotely abashed. “Whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie or not.”

Enjolras blinked. He had not been expecting that. “Uh...what?”

“You know, the holiday classic starring Bruce Willis,” Grantaire said cheerfully. “Which I maintain, if you’re going to allow films like It’s a Wonderful Life and Holiday Inn, which, let’s not forget, features actual blackface, to be counted as Christmas films, you also have to allow Die Hard, which is arguably even more Christmas-y since it actually takes place fully at Christmas.”

Grantaire said this all with absolute confidence, which bewildered Enjolras almost as much as Joly, who leaned forward to tell Grantaire, equally heated, “Christmas-y is not a word, and also, the point isn’t whether they take place solely at Christmas time, but whether they’re filled with, y’know, Christmas spirit. Which Die Hard is not.”

Bossuet cleared his throat. “What do you think, Enjolras?” he asked loudly as Grantaire stuck his tongue out at Joly.

Enjolras shook his head slowly. “Believe it or not, this is one area where I don’t really have an opinion.”

Grantaire raised both eyebrows as he did what he clearly thought was a comical doubletake. “I could die of shock.”

“Well, try not to, at least not until we have your mockup for the mutual aid fundraiser flyers,” Enjolras said sourly.

“And here I thought you didn’t value my contributions,” Grantaire said with a grin. “But seriously, you don’t have an opinion on Die Hard?”

“Oh, I have opinions,” Enjolras assured him. “I just don’t think they’re relevant to this particular debate.”

Grantaire fluttered his eyelashes at him. “As if that’s ever stopped you before,” he said sweetly.

Enjolras scowled. “You really want my opinion on if I think a movie featuring an extrajudicial cop qualifies as having the spirit belonging to a holiday devoted to capitalism and religious imperialism?” he asked sharply, and Joly and Bossuet had the good sense to look a little embarrassed. “Because in that case, I do have some fascinating insights on the ties between the military industrial complex and evangelical Christianity.”

Joly and Bossuet grumbled and turned away, clearly ready to continue the conversation without Enjolras, but Grantaire propped his chin on his hand and smirked at Enjolras. “Fascinating though your use of big words may be, you didn’t actually answer the question.”

“The question of whether I think Die Hard is a Christmas movie?”

“Yeah.”

Enjolras looked at him flatly. “Is ‘I don’t give a flying fuck’ an answer?”

Grantaire’s smile widened. “Not so much, no.”

“Oh, so when you give me that as an answer during Les Amis meetings, I’m just supposed to accept it, but when it comes to inane debates about Christmas movies, it’s not good enough?” Enjolras asked sourly.

Grantaire nodded. “Pretty much, yeah.”

For a moment, Enjolras considered telling Grantaire that he should focus on more important things, but he could only imagine all the ways that would backfire on him. “Fine. Then Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. Happy?”

Grantaire cocked his head slightly. “I’d be happier if you could explain why you think that.”

Enjolras stared at him. “Because it just...it isn’t.”

Grantaire’s smirk was back, and his tone turned teasing. “C’mon, cite your sources, this isn’t your first debate, you know better than that.”

“I don’t have to cite anything!” Enjolras snapped. “It’s not a Christmas movie. End of discussion.”

“Then why did Bahorel wear a sweatshirt with ‘Now I have a machine gun, Ho-ho-ho’ written on it in red paint to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party last week?” Grantaire countered.

Enjolras blinked. “Wait, that was from Die Hard?”

“Of course it was from—” Grantaire broke off, something like glee lighting up his face. “Wait a minute, have you actually seen Die Hard?”

“I’ve seen parts of it…” Enjolras hedged.

“That does not count.” Grantaire stood up. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Go where?”

“My place,” Grantaire said cheerfully. “We’re watching Die Hard.”

Enjolras stared at him. “What? Why?”

“Because you claim to hate it but you’ve never even seen it,” Grantaire said, as if it was obvious.

“And what part of my description of it would make you think that I would enjoy it even if I did watch it?”

Grantaire snorted. “No one said anything about enjoying it. I just think you should actually have an informed opinion about something if you’re going to wade into such hard-hitting debates as ‘Is Die Hard a Christmas movie’.”

Grantaire’s tone was innocent, but Enjolras ground his teeth together, recognizing that he had said the same exact thing to Grantaire during a Les Amis meeting the previous week in regards to a debate on restorative justice and an article that Grantaire hadn’t actually read. “I don’t exactly have a spare two hours to waste on this right now,” Enjolras snapped.

“Sure you do,” Grantaire said cheerfully. “What else do you have to work on?”

Enjolras immediately blanked on any of the things he could possibly have to work on. “That’s– that’s not the point,” he spluttered, but it was too late. Grantaire had already taken his arm and was steering him towards the door.

“We’ll be back in a little over two hours and twelve minutes,” Grantaire called over his shoulder, and Enjolras sighed resignedly.

“I am so going to regret this.”

----------

Die Hard, as it turned out, was everything Enjolras had suspected, and then some, and about a half hour into it, he shifted on Grantaire’s couch and tossed a look over at Grantaire, who had thus far been more silent than he’d ever been at any Les Amis meeting. He could barely see Grantaire’s face in the dark room (Grantaire had insisted they leave the lights off for a ‘true cinematic’ experience), and was sorely tempted to elbow him or many any number of snide comments when he noticed Grantaire’s lips moving, just slightly, in time with Alan Rickman’s character speaking on screen.

“Are you...mouthing the lines of the movie?” Enjolras whispered, and Grantaire waved a dismissive hand.

“Shh,” he said. “And yeah, so?”

“So of all the movies in all the world, Die Hard is the one you have memorized?”

Grantaire gave him a look. “What part of shh don’t you understand?” he asked.

“I could ask you the same question during every Les Amis meeting,” Enjolras said, a little sourly. “Besides, since you clearly have the movie memorized, it’s not like you’re going to miss anything.”

Grantaire sighed but relented, half-turning to face Enjolras. “Fine, if you must know, Die Hard happens to be my favorite Christmas movie and, honestly, one of my favorite non-Christmas movies as well.”

Enjolras wrinkled his nose. “Ok, but...why?”

Grantaire made a face. “You’re going to think it’s dumb.”

“Dumber than the movie itself?” Enjolras asked, only half-joking.

Grantaire gave him a look. “Because responses like that are so likely to make me want to confide in you.” Enjolras held his hands up defensively and Grantaire sighed again. “Honestly, it’s my favorite movie because of John McClane, because...well, because he reminds me of you.”

“He – what?”

Enjolras wished he had come up with something more eloquent to say, but luckily, Grantaire didn’t seem to notice, as he was busy avoiding meeting his eyes. “Well, y’know,” he said, shrugging uncomfortably. “Saving the world, or at least Nakatomi plaza, by any means necessary because you realize that sometimes the system is broken and to do the most good, sometimes you’ve got to do it yourself.”

Enjolras opened his mouth to respond and immediately closed it again, mostly to swallow his immediate reaction which was to vehemently deny any similarity between himself and a cop, because despite himself, he knew that wasn’t what Grantaire meant.

Or at least, it better not have been.

“Well,” he said, after the silence between them had stretched to almost uncomfortable, “the comparison to a police officer aside, thank you for, y’know...saying that.” Grantaire nodded stiffly and Enjolras cleared his throat to try to make the moment less awkward. “So, uh, if I’m John McClane, who does that make you.”

Grantaire snorted. “Oh, Argyle, definitely.”

Enjolras gave him a look. “Be serious.”

Grantaire smiled, but it was a pale imitation of his usual smirk. “I am wild.”

Enjolras nudged him with his elbow. “So who?”

Shrugging slightly, Grantaire leaned back against the couch arm rest. “I dunno, probably one of the hostages that dies or something.” Enjolras just looked expectantly at him and Grantaire sighed. “Fine, I always thought if I was like anyone, I’d be most like Holly.”

Enjolras blinked. “John McClane’s wife?”

Grantaire nodded. “Yeah, she’s badass and not afraid to give heroes and villains alike a piece of her mind.”

“You do have that in common, I suppose,” Enjolras said with a light laugh.

“Yeah, but more importantly than a mouth that won’t quit, she doesn’t have to be the hero,” Grantaire continued. “She’s there to help and do what she can, but at the end of the day, it’s John McClane who saves the day, and she’s just along for the ride. And when it comes to Les Amis, and saving the world, well…” He trailed off. “I may be a lot of things, but I think we can both agree I’m not a hero.”

“I don’t know about that,” Enjolras said automatically, and it was hard to say whether he or Grantaire was more surprised. Grantaire stared at him, wide-eyed, and Enjolras flushed before adding, “I mean, uh…”

He trailed off, not able to actually find the excuse he was looking for, and after a long moment, Grantaire forced a laugh before looking pointedly back at the TV. “Well, in any case, spoiler alert Holly also gets the hero in the end, and that we can definitely agree is not in the cards for me.”

“It could be.”

Enjolras would never know what made him say it, but as soon as he did, he knew he meant it. They’d been dancing around this, and each other, for years, and if he didn’t say something now, he wasn’t sure there was any other time that it could happen.

Even if it was happening with John McClane killing vaguely European henchmen in the background.

“Enj—” Grantaire breathed, but Enjolras had already closed the space between them, cupping Grantaire’s cheek with one hand before kissing him lightly.

It was a quick kiss, light and fleeting and a little hesitant, because awkward kisses in the dark while Die Hard played was like something out of high school and Enjolras hadn’t been any more sauve in high school than he was now, but then Grantaire’s lips parted with a sigh and he kissed Enjolras back in earnest.

They broke apart sometime later, Die Hard long forgotten in the background, and Grantaire’s grin was so bright that Enjolras almost forgot the lights were off. “If this is your idea of Christmas, I gotta be here for New Year’s,” Grantaire murmured, and Enjolras raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” he asked, amused.

Grantaire’s grin didn’t so much as flicker. “It’s a line from the movie,” he said. “We can always watch the rest of it, if you’d like.”

“If only there wasn’t something better to do,” Enjolras said dryly before leaning in and kissing him again.

When the movie finally ended, Grantaire pulled away from Enjolras and fumbled for the remote to turn the TV off. He looked back at Enjolras, a slow smile spreading across his face. “So, uh, what’s the verdict - is Die Hard a Christmas movie?”

Enjolras pretended to consider it. “You know, honestly, I didn’t actually see a whole lot of the movie.”

“Shame,” Grantaire said, grinning.

Enjolras nodded. “Yeah. Guess that just means we’ll have to try it again sometime.”

“I’m pretty sure that can be arranged.”

Grantaire leaned in to kiss him again but Enjolras stopped him, resting his hand lightly against Grantaire’s chest. “You do realize we’re not going to watch Die Hard every time we want to do this, right?”

“Of course not. There’s also Die Hard 2, Die Hard with a Vengeance, Live Free or Die Hard—” Enjolras groaned and Grantaire laughed, leaning in and kissing him lightly. “Well, we’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah,” Enjolras said, kissing him again. “I’m sure we will.”

#exr #enjolras x grantaire #enjoltaire #enjolras #grantaire #joly #bossuet #and lots of discussion of Die Hard #les miserables #modern au #developing relationship #ask #answered #adorablecrab #sorry that i took your prompt and did #y'know #this with it

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