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signedeclipse · 11 months

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Hello, it's me again! 🫣 I loved your headcanons about the blind reader! Especially the ones with Hantengu. 😊

This time I would like to request headcanons for Hantengu, Gyokko and Douma with a reader who has a chronic disease. I know this is a serious subject but it's very close to my heart because I suffer from one. I wondered how the demons would react to a partner who has chronic pain and often feels sick. They feel frustrated with themselves and get angry when they can't do certain things because of their illness. I can imagine that they envy the demons for their strength and health and have thought about becoming a demon themselves. They sometimes push themselves too much because they want to keep up with their demonic partner. But when their illness isn't flaring up, they always want to be as active as possible and be close to their partner.

Thank you in advance! Hope you have a wonderful day! (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)

Douma | Gyokko | Hantengu [X Reader]

In which their s/o is struggling with their chronic pain and tries to push it aside.

Douma

He was always glad that the cold climate you had living with him helped, since for many it was more harmful than helpful

He was familiar with the idea that coolness helped inflammation and helped your body regulate, but he also had to make sure you weren't overdoing it and getting yourself sick

Douma can almost feel your guilt whenever he steps in, so he does his best to remind you in ways that seem less like him telling you

'Can you warm my jacket for me?'

'Could you get the fire started and watch over it until I get back?'

While it may feel good, it makes you more prone to staying out too long and medicine can be hard to get his hands on during certain times

The worst part for him is being so high ranked, because he knows you know of his strength

Will hide it and down play it all the time in hopes you stop thinking about it so often

How impressive could it be if it hurts his favourite human?

Douma would like you to join him in being a demon someday, but he hopes its because you want to be with him as opposed to because you want to escape yourself

Gyokko

His poison art was actually inspired by the fact that he produces a lot of antidotes for some of your more physical ailments to help soothe the feeling

Think aloe vera but so much better

Might even say you can only get it if you hug him so he can produce it where you touch him, but he won't force it if it's really bad and you just want to rest

He has fought in front of you before, so you've seen his regenerative capabilities and the ways he bounces back in seconds, its honestly irritating at times

If only you could sprout a new immune system, or some new joints

Gyokko insists that it's painful and more excruciating than it seems, but he's kind of lying just because he doesn;t want you to feel so inclined to demonise

He makes mini pots for the medicines and salves he learns to make with cork lids so you can use them when you need

Your own personal pharmacist but so so so much better

Hentengu

He's always found himself to be extremely weak and unlucky

But you manage to be so much more unfortunate than him, so he worries for and cries for you more than he does himself

You were so kind to love him, and yet the world cursed you terribly? It's so unfair

Worries that you could die anytime from your ailments even if you tell him that isn't how it works, so he prefers to remain in a range of you to which he can hear your breathing or heart rate

The clones are more than happy to keep you in shape, but Sekido especially keeps you from trying to match them in any way shape or form

"It's ridiculous to expect results like this as a human, we have lived for centuries you haven't."

Whenever you feel light headed or need fresh air Urogi will take you for a little flight, usually by a body of water such as the ocean to enjoy the best air possible

Karaku just jokes that he has enough muscle for the both of you so you'd be greedy to get even more muscular, I mean, leave some for the rest of the clones!

Hates the idea of turning you into a demon but any day if its really bad and you are in enough agony he would do it just to see you smile again

Authors Note - Originally I wasn't planning to do this request because I don't suffer from any chronic pain, but a friend of mine who does decided to beta read so here we are! I hope these can help in some way, wishing you the best <3

#douma #douma x reader #gyokko #gyokko x reader #hantengu #hantengu x reader #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kny #kny x reader #kny headcanons #headcanons #x reader #reader insert

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toastandjamie · 7 months

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You know I think the most compelling thing about Mat is? He’s a subversion of literally everything his character is Supposed to be. He’s the rogue archetype but he’s not a lonewolf or even particularly cowardly despite his insistence in the contrary. His major character trait is his Loyalty, that’s his defining characteristic. Not his wit or even his charm though he has both, the thing that all other characters around him mention is that he’s loyal and true to his word. Not the most Rogue-like personality traits.

But he’s not even just a subversion of the rogue archetype. He’s also a subversion of masculinity in a lot of ways, he’s described as wiry and isn’t especially tall. He ISNT physically intimidating, which stands juxtaposed to him being one of the greatest generals and fighters in the book. I really like how the fact that he isn’t what people expect is one of his strengths, he’s chronically underestimated by other characters. When he’s hunted by darkfriends they often send big classic street thugs after him and expect him to be overpowered because unlike Rand or Perrin he doesn’t LOOK strong. Only the moment anyone actually gets into a fight with him they’re taken off guard by his absolutely brutally he fights. And he’s not actually that physically strong, he’s certainly not weak by any means, but compared to many of the other characters and enemies they face Mat isn’t particularly strong. He instead outsmarts his opponents, he’s faster and more agile, he takes advantage of distance fighting mostly with throwing knives, polearms, and long bows.

Compared to the other Ta’veren he’s also the least traditionally heroic, “he’s no bloody hero” isn’t entirely a false claim. He’s the only one the three Ta’veren boys that doesn’t have a crisis of conscious over being violent in battle, sure he’s got the sane hang up as Rand about killing women, but he had no issues with immediately employing guerrilla warfare against the Seanchen and never takes prisoners. The Aes Sedai tell him off for leaving leaving wounded enemies without aid, breaking the rules of warfare, and he tells them that he doesn’t care about being honorable. And he doesn’t, Perrin and Rand(particularly in the beginning and end of his character arc) tend to be very honorable and respectable opponents when they aren’t fighting Shadowspawn. Mat will cheat and trick throughout battles because he’s first and only priority is keeping himself and as many of his men alive as possible while killing as many enemies as he can. He’s vicious and efficient, Perrin went back for the Whitecloaks in Towers of Midnight, where Mat wouldn’t have. He helps invent canons and immediately begins trying to make the automatic crossbows faster, because his priority is always doing the most damage to the rival army before retreating to safety. Mat’s style of warfare is certainly reflective of RJ’s experience in Vietnam. The Band literally wears camo armor.

Lastly is Mat and Tuon’s relationship. When we first learn of the Daughter of Nine Moons prophecy, Mat always describes this future as her appearing from the ether and spiriting him away, and Egwene’s vision is of Tuon wrestling Mat to the ground and collaring him. We are set up with the expectation that Tuon is going to be the one chasing him down and capturing him. Then Mat kidnaps Tuon and you’d think “oh there’s the subversion Tuon’s the kidnapped damsel” but BAM we get another subversion because Tuon CHOSE to be kidnapped, and Mat fell head over heels in love with her, like tripping off a cliff. She didn’t capture him physically but she certainly captured his heart and that has always been a much more effective collar and leash than any physical one you could put on him.

I just love Mat being so unexpected to both the audience and other characters. I love how he’s just a walking contradiction, of being irresponsible but loyal, being vicious but compassionate, being foolish and clever. He’s everything and nothing, complicated and simple. I love him.

#wheel of time #mat cauthon #wheel of time spoilers #major wot book spoilers #character analysis #mat cauthon my beloved

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bonesart · 9 months

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My pieces for Dimension Disability, a zine I organized for this year’s @d20zinejam

Imagine the respite of being able to sigh in relief and not be charged for the breath. To weep with joy and know that your tears cost you nothing.

When Elaine Lee created the world of Starstruck she asked us to imagine a world where humanity has achieved faster than light spaceflight space travel, invented cybernetic consciousness, and found sapient alien species, but is still ruled by a crypto-fascist hyper-capitalist corporate plutocracy. It’s really not all that hard to imagine really.

For people like me, who live with disabilities in a nation that neglects to give us free healthcare, or even universal insurance, Gunnie’s opening vignette rang a little too true. We know what it’s like to hate our bodies for how costly they are, to be haunted by the debts they accrue.

I’m not paraplegic, and I’m fortunate enough to have been raised in a household that never went uninsured. But I find myself resonating with Gunnie far more than any other disabled D20 character. He is emblematic of many of the truisms of the Disability Rights Movement: Anyone can become disabled at any time, and it is one of the only minority identities that you can gain at any point in your life. One second Gunnie was able bodied, one second he was not. His life was forever changed by an accident. None of us are immune from these catastrophes.

But he also lives in a world of medical miracles. If it weren’t for the cost of his cybernetic body, if it weren’t for the systems that imposed his debts upon him, would we still consider him disabled? Personally, yes. I think a life that requires accommodation is a disabled life. But I also recognize that the medical model of disability is flawed. There are many social forces that disable Gunnie, that disable me. If the two of us didn’t live in capitalist hell worlds, we’d be able to do many things we currently are not. Not to mention the culpability of capitalism in creating dangerous situations that lead to naive navigators being ejected into space without protective gear, or medical systems that leave chronic pain undiagnosed and untreated for over a decade (eh-hem). Gunnie’s story tells us that disability rights won’t be achieved until we shrug off the repressive systems that demand that profits come before people. But it also tells us that we need to be willing and able to care for each other and accommodate many needs even after we ritually sacrifice the execs of Eli Lilly to the Night Yorb, condemn Bezos to a life of sharing a bunk bed with Bazathrax and the Jersey Devil, and nail Elon Musk to a giant metal X before demolishing it with a classic Operation Slippery Puppet.

And Gunnie’s story tells me one more thing. There is joy to be found in a disabled life. Maria Town, president of the American Association of People with Disabilities, once said, “Everyone will become disabled if they are lucky enough…Disability is not necessarily a sign of weakness or a sign of a lack of competence. It is instead a sign of survival and resilience and strength.” There are things Gunnie only does because of his experiences with disability, only because he lives in a disabled body. He counts cards, he ejects his torso from his legs in a wild gambit to get to the ship in time, he longs to free the universe of debt. I think if nothing else, my disabilities have given me determination - to fight invisible oppression, to advocate for my disabled siblings, to make it another day because fuck you migraine, fuck you OCD, you aren’t my mom- and compassion - to love everyone even, the people with minds I don’t understand, to find community with those very different from me, to help where I can.

This has been a long rambling rant (maybe my roommates’ suspicions I have AuDHD and not just the ‘tism have merit), but I hope to leave readers with the inspiration to persevere and to research and fight for disability rights. In the United States, a growing fascist movement seeks to rob us of our rights and it is suspected that the Americans with Disabilities Act is the next target. Non-Americans should also be wary of increasing encroachment of capitalism into your medical system. We all deserve an All Debts Cleared moment. Fight the good fight; the ball is not rolling up, WE ARE THE BALL!

[ID: A digital painting of Gunnie, shown from the shoulders up in profile. He is a bald, Black man with a gold and bronze cybernetic body, and a gold and bronze ring around his forehead. He is smiling, covering his mouth with one hand in disbelief, and crying out of his visible eye. A screen on his neck reads "c-0" in small green analog text. Behind him is a star-scape of indigo and magenta. Above his head, a blue panel bordered by green reads "All Debts Cleared" in green, analog, capitalized text.]

#d20 #d20 zine jam #d20 aso #a starstruck odyssey #gunnie miggles rashbax

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luna-rainbow · 3 months

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(I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors; English is not my mother tongue.)

Hi!

I have a few questions for you and I'm fairly certain that you've probably been asked them before, so I apologize if this has been the case. I'm relatively new to fandom (only since 2020). But I keep wondering if there is some illness that Bucky could suffer from. I'm thinking of things like: E.g. stroke, aneurysm, heart attack, Alzheimer's disease or Parkinson's disease. Would there be any impact in the long term? Or does the serum prevent him from generally getting such “diseases of civilization”? Or, if he suffers from it, does the serum help him to recover where a "normal" human being wouldn't been able to? It's said in some places that Hydra didn't use the same serum that Steve got, so it might perhaps be within the realm of possibility (I mean, we're talking about non-existent things like super soldier serum) that such "side effects " may occur? I know you're not a medical professional, but I really value your opinion and in-depth knowledge of Bucky and have enjoyed reading many of your assessments of him.

Thanks for your time!

Oooh! Thanks for the fascinating question! You've actually been in the fandom longer than I have 😂 And your English is fantastic!

In TFATWS Isaiah spoke of his squad of men all dying from the effects of the serum. In the comics, Isaiah did have two major weaknesses as a side effect of the serum: he got early dementia and he was rendered infertile. This is not true of TFATWS!Isaiah though, because he looks like he’s well in control of his mental faculties.

I feel like the serum, if it was flawed, would kill rapidly because of how powerful its effects on cells are. It's supposed to increased strength, endurance, stamina, speed, healing and longevity; we also know that it increased metabolism of alcohol (and maybe other drugs too).

But what are the side effects on increasing strength, stamina and speed? Presumably they would need a much higher energy intake than the normal person to maintain the function of the muscles (and their level of activity). Presumably there would be cascading changes on insulin sensitivity and energy storage. What happens when they become sedentary? Do they store a lot of that excessive energy on their body like Alexei? Or do they get the zoomies because their body is forcing them to burn off the excess energy? What does it mean for sleep? Are they needing more sleep because of the energy expenditure, or less sleep because of the rapid rejuvenation? What does that change in sleep cycle mean when they have to live amongst normal humans? And how do they balance their meals against that?

The higher metabolism is interesting, because does that mean a higher rate of cell turnover? In most normal humans, we know that higher cell turnover rates mean bigger chances of mutations, hence things like chronic inflammation increases risks of cancer. Sure, healing speed might be fast, but sometimes it’s a matter of quality over speed, you know? Are they closing wounds or replacing lost blood but actually spawning cancerous cells? Sometimes I wonder if a lot of Isaiah’s squad may have died from cancer like these 🤔 There is an interesting bit of DNA on our chromosomes called the “telomere”, that seems to be somewhat of a genetic marker for “best before date”, if you will. When the telomere gets shorter, there are higher incidences of age-related diseases, but I’m not sure we’ve figured out which is the chicken or the egg 🤔 The reason I bring it up is we don’t know how the increased metabolism given by the serum will affect the mechanisms for cell repair. Do the cell repair happen faster too? Or do they — as you point out — hit a physiological roadblock and after that it’s all down hill?

And finally, what does the serum do to mental health specifically? Not just the improved memory or the heightened senses (leading to heightened anxiety), but physiological changes can definitely cause emotions, eg people with fast thyroid or fast heart rate feeling anxious and jittery all the time. If your energy is always elevated, how do you let your mind rest? If you’re not able to fall asleep, how does your brain repair itself and consolidate memories? And what is the psychological effect of always living on juice? Is that what drives comics!Isaiah to an early dementia?

Sorry, this raised far more questions than it answered! I think it is definitely possible that there are long term side effects of the serum that we don’t know about. Although I suspect a MCU was thinking is “magic mcgaffin juice, heals all illnesses” which I guess is all you need when the original point of the story is that the physique didn’t matter as much as the man inside, and what was most important was he was going to punch Nazis.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #asks

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mageofseven · 10 months

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So I noticed that Mephistopheles has a cane. Do you think he has chronic pain in that leg? Or does he just have it because “rich important aristocrats just have canes for no reason?”

Personally, I like the idea that it’s the first one, but he pretends it’s the second one because of his upbringing, and MC is the only person to see through that facade and will subtly do things to reduce the strain on his aching leg (letting him lean on her in a way that looks like they’re just walking together, making sure there’s always enough chairs for everyone, finding excuses for him to slip away from a party so he can rest for a while, etc)

I’d love to see how the dynamics shift once he realizes she knows and he stops trying to hide when he’s in pain.

I'm grouping these together since they basically cover the same topic

And just so you know, I do believe he uses the cane for disability reasons, but I will reveal the reason for it in my Mephisto x MC series~

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

This man is so good at pretending--or at least, so good at getting on other people's nerves to the point where they don't pay too much attention.

Chronic pain runs in MC's family though so it doesn't take much for the human to see just how much the nobleman depends on his cane or notice the occasional wince from standing too long.

This demon would rather protect his pride and deal with the pain than accept help from a human though.

Challenge accepted. This will be fun.

After all, MC gets to do their two favorite things: help someone and annoy Mephisto~

Is always pretty discreet when offering him a chair, whether getting others to sit as well or just him.

If it's just the the two of them though, the human literally push his ass down in a chair if he's being too stubborn (sometimes he's very obviously in pain, but will refuse to sit on the sole premise that MC asks him to).

Even with his cane, his leg muscles will have times where they randomly and completely give out on him for a minute.

MC will catch him, holding him up for a second by one of his arms till he regains enough strength to stand back up

Only to also take the fall for this--pun intended. The human will tell others they tripped him and, considering how their relationship was, it sounded pretty freaking believable to others.

Mephisto is a stubborn man so MC never learns how his leg got in its current shape, but can definitely tell this poor man is ashamed of it.

The two continued to fight in their usual ways, but MC still ends up bringing comfort to the nobleman about his disability.

In truth, he has never been able to confide in anyone about it; hell, even Diavolo doesn't know about it and it's been present since childhood.

Mephisto has been taught to hide his disability well because his parents see it as a defect that is nothing but an embarrassment to them.

MC never makes him feel ashamed about it though and always makes a point to make sure he knows his disability doesn't make him less than others and that receiving help for it doesn't make him weak.

The human tells him a lot of things contrary to his parents' words...but Mephisto wants to believe MC nonetheless.

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me mc #obey me mephistopheles

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bluedragonfairy2000 · 6 months

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AVA spoilers below

I don’t think Victim actually knows any of the other sticks. Given the weird interaction he had with the I doubt he know much if anything at all about Alan’s other creations.

First off are his interactions with Chosen. I wrote off the capturing Chosen by any means possibly as Victim either seeing him as a threat to himself and all the sticks around him. However that’s clearly not the case.

During the fight scene I initially thought that victim was power envious. That the reason he trapped and beat up Chosen was because Chosen was everything he couldn’t be. Chosen had strength, powers, and even the chance to live a free life. However, Victim had none of those things, he was a punching bag until he got discarded with little to no regard to his life. I also like the current idea that is floating around that Victim suffers from chronic pain and fatigue due to his deletion as his initial un-enhanced hits didn’t even seem to phase Chosen. Now that could be because Chosen is on another level but I think if he got punched by any of the color gang he would at least react more than he did there.

But back on topic, while I still think part of the reason Victims beat up Chosen rather than talking to him first was due to jealousy I think there’s a bit more there. Another part of the puzzle could be psychology. Victim has been shown time and time again to be smart, after all it appears to be the only thing keeping him anywhere near a level playing field with the other sticks. So having been exposed to the mindset of the strong beat the weak it would be logical that he would assume that Victim saw Chosen and assumed Alan freed him because Chosen was strong enough to earn their creators respect. As such he would still assume that they would be on good terms and possibly see each other as equals. So when first introducing himself to Chosen he want to show that he was stronger than him so that Chosen would respect him and listen to his demand.

However, it’s clear that Victim has no concept of the nature of Chosen and Alan’s relationship. He assume Alan sent Chosen to this world which is why he demanded to know where Alan was. Before he placed the VR goggles onto Chosen’s head he had no clue about how Alan helped Chosen fight Dark. Just as he didn’t know about Second’s powers or the color gangs abilities.

Despite the fact that the color gang are popular enough to be shown on T.V. In this world Victim has no clue about anything that happened after his death. He likely just saw Chosen using his powers one day and recognized Alan’s handy work. Basically he’s flying into this fight completely blind. So if he actually plans on taking Alan out he’ll need something more substantial than what he’s used so far, which is likely where the pencil comes in. It has a power akin to a creator when paired with the right person. If they were able to control it they would probably be able to beat Alan given that Second briefly succeed in that very task when he was first created.

Also just a side note: I think Victim treated Chosen as he would have treated all of his alias. First off he removed Chosen’s powers and beat him down until he couldn’t fight anymore (Victim). He leashed him and attempted to use a whip to control and tame him (BEAST). And he hunted down and interrogated Chosen like he was a criminal (Killer). I don’t think that was intentional just thought it was interesting.

#animation vs animator #ava #ava chosen one #ava victim #ava second coming #ava orange #ava yellow #ava green #ava blue #ava red #ava alan becker #spoilers

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thehadesincident · 1 year

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hades fun ramble abt how the yttd fandom treats shin tsukimi :)

haiiii so if you know me you know that i have one billion illness about some guy named shin tsukimi from yttd! and i have some issues on how the fandom writes him, this is coming from someone who has health issues so im going to be somewhat projecting but! hopefully not that much. all of it is going to be under cut!

this is going to cover a lot of spoilers.. so i wouldnt click it unless you finished the game. its also going to cover topics like ableism and a mention of toxic relationships but thats expected when you want to talk about shin and the fandom

so in game (epsically in your turn to shine) its heavily hinted that shin is someone who has health issues (chronic illness and the works), even in the base game it is shown that shin is physically weak (chapt one in the bar where he tries to open the drawer for example.).

and how the fandom made that into shin being a weak person, but not in a strength sense, in the sense that he cant protect/cant hold his own (looking at you shin ship writers.). but! thats just the only issue right? (this is also ableism to me in a way.. but i cant put my words right at the moment.)

nope!! theres more. the fandom at times made shin out to be a 'dirty' person, someone who is gross and unclean. even if that's far from canon (there being a line that shins hands are clean in game.) and to me, thats just stereotypes of people who are mentally ill coming into play. saying that people who suffer from mental illness cant treat themselves on their own. which in some cases may be true, but not in all of them.

i also think this ties into shin being a person who was in game he is saving money, he is a job hopper which some fans took as he is poor which mean hes dirty.. which is just gross that people think just because a person may be poor, automatically means they're dirty.

theres also the issue with shadow sou (also know as shadsou in the fandom) where (some) people treat it as not a part of shin, it just being a part of midori. shin didnt bring out the hiyori persona out of nowhere, it wouldnt make sense that shin is some 'soft boy'.

fans tend to forget that shin isnt the best person, even in a few pregame thoughts. he can still be an asshole without being told about the 0.0% thing. you can let him be petty, you can let him be sly, you can let him be mean. he doesnt need to be doomed to do any of that.

its the same with the shinai, we only really saw small bits of the shinai.. and guessing from his dialog, he is still close to hiyori and that can affect how he acts, but that doesnt mean a pre game shin acts just like shinai, his an ai for a reason, he learns over time and picks up his own traits. its similar to how the fandom treats highschool shin and his friendship with hiyori and thats a whole another can of worms.

people who say they dont ship hiyori and shin.. and then say they dated in the past are an issue to me. not every toxic friendship has to be romantic, yes hiyori wanted to study shin, but thats because he wanted to see how much he can push a person. even the shinai says he likes to experiment on people, and hiyori most likely did the same with shin but more in a mental sense.

theres a reason why i dont interact with people who tag stuff with their ship tag, i dont trust them to take them in a way thats just them being 'friends'. and if you see it like that or make it out so hiyori isnt that bad of a person... block me i dont want you guys near me. (this goes with those 'midori isnt a bad person!!' au writers to. get out.)

on the topic of shipping, a handful of people who ship shin with people srsly make him out to be someone whos weak and needs to be protected by whoever the pairing is with. you guys just want your yaoi. i see this the most in keishin / alishin circles. shin doesnt need to be 'saved' or whatever, he just needs to heal on his own time, he doesnt need a romantic partner in his life for that.

thats a good part of my thoughts! if you have any questions on my thoughts on shin you can send me an ask here or shoot me a dm on discord :3 (samuraiyaiba)

#letters from the underworld #shin tsukimi #yttd #your turn to die #cw ableism #ableism mention #ask to tag #long posts #ranting it up

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kess-in-the-perthchimzone · 7 months

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Farewell to Sick Kang Theory

How do I even explain this ridiculous post?? Inspired in no small part by all the trailer footage of Kang fainting in the early days of Dangerous Romance I posited a theory that Kang had a chronic, life threatening health condition, which would explain why his dad talks to him the way he does.

Well yesterday @poetry-protest-pornography reminded me via this post that the theory is officially officially dead 😭. So while I LOVE everything we are getting on DR right now, I want to take a moment to pour one out for the AU that will forever hold a piece of my heart:

Kang’s mom died of a heart condition that he inherited

Afterwards, Kang’s father (and grandmother probably to a slightly lesser extent than the dad) were overprotective. At home, everything he did was monitored — was he eating healthy, sleeping enough, not stressing himself out.

the constant pressure of being told ‘you are weak, you are fragile’ is what manifested into the same bully Kang we saw in early episodes because he so desperately wanted to feel powerful

i love how this could overlap so closely with canon and still work. He still escalates with Sailom and brings a gun to his house but that scene might almost impact him MORE — he plays the hero and for the first time in his life he feels STRONG; he feels useful, and he’s addicted to it so he imprints on Sailom even more immediately

Episode 3 feels too fast for Sailom to learn so let’s say they start studying together and Sailom only gets pieces of this — he’s gradually realizing how Kang gets treated at home and Kang still drunkenly reveals how his dad makes him feel but Sailom doesn’t know WHY

In this verse you could do an interesting flip where Kang begs for the bike and does pass his tests and then the dad changes his mind and not only takes it away but (temporarily) takes away the tutoring because he didn’t like how hard Kang was exerting himself with all-nighters

so then Sailom coming to live with them would in part be so the dad can monitor their study sessions and make sure they are an appropriate length time and not too taxing on Kang

of course Sailom has been seeing all this happen — he’s been spending all this time with Kang and now has heard this pattern over and over where Kang gets talked down to — and he’s both furious at it and it’s increasingly nagging at him. He’s starting to feel like he’s missing something

but he’s also falling so deeply in love that he kind of willingly forgets to ask; he just wants to spend the time he’s getting with Kang

Here I don’t think we need the Pimfah love triangle at least on Kang’s side (I still don’t believe he ever truly had feelings for her anyway) — Kang would still be the king of mixed signals because he’d alternate between love-sick staring & wildly romantic lines then running away from his feelings

Pimfah knows about Kang; her dad runs the hospital where he spent most of his childhood but she doesn’t talk about it out of respect for his privacy

but maybe she still has feelings for Sailom which would lead to the rain scene after Sailom rejects her

oooh Kang taking care of Sailom would be SO IMPORTANT to him— he’s never gotten to be on the other side, to be the caretaker, and maybe later that memory of how much love he felt in that moment would stick with him

(because obviously in this verse the big end would be Kang doing something heroic to help save Sailom from Name and then collapsing and not waking up and having to be rushed into emergency surgery — which would necessitate him being willing to let Sailom take care of him as he recovers)

The art room would still happen but it would be Kang thinking “I can’t be with him because I don’t have a future to give him” and thus self-sacrificing

of course though, he wouldn’t be able to fight his jealousy or the strength of his feelings and he would still kiss Sailom in the locker room

and all this would come to a head in the fainting scene in episode 7. Because Kang would have spent the day flirting with Sailom and trying to act all tough and strong to impress his friends

but after he faints, he would be forced to go to the hospital to have a check up to make sure everything is okay with his heart

No matter how much he protests or just tries to play it off like he’s going home to rest, Sailom would insist on coming with him

so Sailom would finally learn the truth — I can so perfectly picture his face too. It would be the same face he had when the dad unveiled the bike. Mapping every interaction he’s had with Kang and suddenly feeling even more deeply empathetic towards him

The bar scene is obviously crucial, so that could be Kang later offering to buy them drinks for helping him; but maybe he’s keeping his distance from Sailom; he (stupidly) thinks Sailom won’t want him anymore now that the truth is out

and then I don’t know how the bleachers scene happens in this new context — maybe Kang had started playing football but after he fainted it was expressly forbidden and he is being really pathetic and in his feelings about that and thinking he can’t have Sailom

Which would mean the hug scene would be equally if not more meaningful to Kang here — because it would be Sailom saying ‘I think we have a future, I believe you have a future, I want to be with you. Stop avoiding me, you asshole’

I don't know I just really love it!! And it would be so powerful seeing a chronically ill character spouting insanely romantic lines, and being jealous/possessive, and getting to play the protective hero!!

Am I glad I don’t have to worry as much about Kang possibly DYING for the romance of it all? Yes. But will I still miss it a little bit? Also yes.

#Sick Kang theory #Maybe one day I’ll write the 40K AU #dangerous romance the series #kess babbles about dangerous romance #kanghan kirttin sukprasert #dangerous romance #kess sometimes writes fic not meta

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xxleviathansimpxx · 11 months

Text

LOTR x immortal fem reader

Please dont repost or like steal my writing because that not nice.

Also my first time writing a actual fanfix and it may or may not be horrible to read ad grammar mistakes are also my bad

Tw. Mentoins of death, Chronically ill, and memory loss

I can barely hold onto what little life i had left, my bones were brittle and my mind was foggy.

for I am near death.

I'm weak and sick, my death will be one more chore check off a list

i'm scared and cold and restrained with cords that keep me barely alive

I look at the ceiling, I'm thinking.. recalling my life.

my life.. was worthless... i am worthless,

i have not a single meaning but burden

nothing is what i am

I want more, more than what I am! so please…

I muster the strength to speak aloud

"I beg you lord ... give me one more chance... a healthy body, one that can run, jump, climb, and do things others can do even more if possible..." my voice is soft and frail

I feel my eyes slowly close as I lay on my death bed alone.

I thought I was ready but I'm not. I'm afraid of death.

my heart beats faster than ever before "i- i don't want to die!... Please I don't want to feel my life slip away... someone please help, I want to live!" i say in almost a shout hoping someone would hear

i rip the cords that decorate my body and slowly and painfully move off my bed

I can feel blood dripping from my nose but I keep on walking slowly. one baby step at a time

The scrawny weak legs i have are shaking profusely and i feel as if i'm going to pass out

i open two double doors to my balcony and feel the fresh air hit my body, i sigh in relief

i haven't felt the crisp cold night air in years

my baby steps become crawls as my knees have finally given up

I think I'm ready.. i crawl using my arms and slowly and painfully move to the railing and pull myself up, my hair has become undone and flows in the fast cool wind

my eyes regester the full moon that shines so bright

i stare at the moon for what felt like hours it probably was

i can no longer hold my body up right i'm on the floor crying waiting the sun rise

"please" i no longer know what i'm pleading for but i know that it's my last few minutes

"someone please..." I mutter.

my eyes are now fully closed, only black i see now. After seeing the beautiful array of colors I now see the comforting black.

Wet grass

I smell wet grass around me

“Wha-? Why am i wet” i sit up expecting pain but i move so fast i fall over on my face

I have to sit up wipe my face clean from earth that sits on my face

Once my eyes adjust to the light I see my hands… my hands? “OH MY GOD MY HANDS” i shout so loud birds flutter out of trees

My hands are full of life, not just some boney crusty appendage. “So pretty” I blurt aloud my mouth curls upward into a smile.

I look around and am amazed by what I'm seeing. Not some tall metal glass buildings or loud car honks, just soft bird chirps and beautiful greenery

My hands feel my entire body, one that's plump and squishy.

I slowly stood up and hoisted myself up on a tree so I'm not overwhelmed. I slowly walk forward and pick up pace and begin to run as fast as I can.

“Thank You!” i shout while running until i see a decently sized lake that i rush towards

My knees fall to the ground and tears are falling from my eyes

I look into the lake only to see a lively youthful face

“Wow, is that me?” i say so quiet i could barely hear myself

I hear soft gingles from afar and someone humming

I see a path that enters from the one side of a patch of trees to the opposite side of the lake. Very rustic i think and i stand up and walk to the rode and see a old man riding a very rickety wagon and wearing an odd looking hat

“Why hello there! Wonderful day we are having today isn't it?” the old man says

I say nothing but look at him. He looks almost offended by my blanket stares

“Oh sorry, hi..”

“Hi?” he looks at me with a cheerful smile

“I'm sorry, do you know where I am right now?” i say nervously “i'm a bit lost” geez i haven't had a full conversation with someone in ages or at least someone who wasn't a doctor

“ It's quite alright, you’re in middle earth and right out the outskirts of hobbiton” he says and points to a direction down hill

“I'm heading to hobbiton right now, would you like to join me?” he says and shifts to the left to make space for me

“I've never heard of middle earth or uh hobbitson before actually” i say and begin to wonder if this is just some crazy homeless old man

“It's pronounced hobbiton actually, are you not from around these parts?” he says questioningly

“No, I'm not from anywhere near here actually i've never seen such green grass!” I said awkwardly “hehe… okay, ill um join you to the hobbiton?” i quickly respond to his original question

“Alright hop on and stay still it's a very bumpy ride” the old man says almost laughing at my nervousness

And I'm getting on he says “Im Gandalf and you are?”

“Oh uh i'm…” I struggle to say my own name. My name? What is my name again

My new ‘friend looks at me patently and has almost a pitiful look on his face as i struggle to remember

“I'm sorry I don't really remember…” I said " almost ashamed “you don't remember? That alright i'll just call you Y/N” he says trying to make me feel better

“Is that a good name for you? Or do you prefer something different?” he say as i finally hop on the waggon

“Yes i think it's a very nice name actually” i say smiling again

Gandals whips his lead and we begin to move slowly down the road. We talk about our lives although i have not much to say

All I remember is how unhappy and miserable I was but maybe tomorrow I'll remember who I am.

#Lotr #gandalf #the hobbit #x reader #y/n #should this be a series #could it be romance #legolas x reader #frodo baggins #bilbo baggins #lord of the rings #lotr fandom #lotr fanfic #first fanfic #i might delete later idk

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authorofemotion · 1 year

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Tell me about the new OCs?!?!

KAJFJAJJFJF OKAY SO

this is for my wip The Lanternkeepers, set in a post-cataclysmic world where there has been a huge regression in knowledge and society functions on the bare bones of what used to be a huge city. also they’re all superheroes in the middle of a centuries-old war :3

Viri— Hero, 17

Short and with a chronic limp. Her power is matter manipulation—specifically making things more or less malleable or changing their state of matter. But what she can do with anything else, she cannot do with herself. She’s in a constant battle with her own chronic illness as her joints stiffen and she cannot loosen them. Her main weapon is the extendable staff she uses to help her walk.

Ellis—Hero, 18

Tall and slight, finds it difficult to put on muscle. His power is super strength and coercion. Except because of his stature he gets really weak after exercising his super strength and has to eat/regular strength train a lot more than normal to try and keep up with the toll of his Talents and he’s really bad and actually doing self care. Also he hates eye contact which he needs to coerce people.

Henry (Hen)—Hero, 19

His power is invisibility, which he *hates* because his whole life has been overshadowed by his sister and he has felt ignored and invisible. He betrayed his whole family by joining the heroes specifically because he wanted to find a place where she wouldn’t block out his contributions. Unfortunately he’s mostly hated because he tries and makes himself known by playing a ton of pranks. And his whole family has disowned him and also hates him now ajdjakfjjf. He can also manipulate light rays to cast illusions but hasn’t figured that out yet.

Tallo—Hero, 18

The runaway. He is very mysterious. As much as he likes to crack jokes and put everyone at ease, no one really knows…anything about him. His superpower is very powerful telekinesis that he pretends he’s not very good at at all. Has very bad migraines.

Lenna—Hero, 14

A little silly goofy and also not about to let anyone underestimate her. A little headstrong. Very sweet and caring. The middle child with a love/hate relationship with all her siblings. Can control water.

#THIS IS ONLY HALF OF THEM BTW #THE REST ARE VILLAINS HEHEH #BUT ALSO HERO AND VILLAIN DONT REALLY HAVE ANY MEANING RELATED TO MORALITY IN THIS WORLD #THEY HAVE LONG AGO LOST THEIR MEANINGS #ANYWAY LMK ANY THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS AND IF YOU WANNA HEAR ABOUT THE REST #claire writes #claire yells to the void #the lanternkeepers

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datastate · 1 year

Text

you need to understand. it isn't just a 'one-off hc' for gin to have a leg brace, but something that's crucial to me figuring out his character and his dynamic w qtaro. especially in the context qtaro himself often had trouble with one of his legs (even before the hospital incident, in my hcs) where his chronic pain zeroed in on, and... also with how they react to it. both gin and qtaro struggle with feelings of inferiority, and how they are perceived by people they care about.

for qtaro, we've seen it manifest in the flashback in the hospital scene: he's frustrated with himself and, because of how difficult it is to recover and keep himself composed, he disallows anyone to see him struggle. even if this would be worse for both parties... qtaro falls into isolation and self-loathing, and those he cares about - notably the orphanage! - are left to assume the worst. whether it's that he won't recover, or that he's lost his passion for the sport, or (with the kids at the orphanage) they could assume he's put on a cover story and straight up abandoned them.

for gin, it manifests more as him wanting to protect people. especially as an autistic kid, it might be difficult for him to gather his words to encourage people (which makes the moment with sara in ch2-2 mean... very, very much, before she challenges herself to move forward). it is troubling as well when he's younger and wants to bear much more than older people believe he should, as he takes most of their concern to mean that they're undermining his abilities.

still! there is a lot gin wants to achieve, and it would be very nice if qtaro could lead gin forward in that. qtaro is generally good with kids, and he would understand when gin would need to take it slow with that leg without coming across as patronizing. there is a lot they could share with one another and plenty qtaro could teach gin on how to possibly take care of himself (depending on how often gin is allowed to attend physical therapy as well...) & i do think it'd be nice seeing both of them start to... move forward in this. qtaro realizing again that what he perceives as weakness (physically) shouldn't impair his spirit and vigor; that it is a mindset he has to move past before he can really start to live again. gin now has an adult figure that he knows he can concede to, who he knows is straightforward about what is happening (which is phrased bluntly bc of the autism lol but also good communication) and he's strong! both in personality (he’s not a pushover like gin’s dad) and from what he sees physically. gin doesn't need to worry about stepping up here - although, he's more than willing when qtaro needs it! but point is: gin can have a place where he doesn't feel that heavy responsibility. he has someone to look up to and see their contentment with life (unlike his father, or... his mother, some days) and he can aim for that instead of raising himself to be a little snarky and reactionary (esp contrasted w girls, where he'll strain himself to prove a point; when that is what he often sees as masculine strength, the exact opposite of his father’s efforts) ... I just think they could help each other out & have a fun dynamic too :']

#hope this makes sense... going back to sleep now. farewell.#jestersvaguely #yttdposting #might add the other ytd tag if i get up n clean this up but... not en #not rn*

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gaycey-sketchit · 1 year

Note

I’m so curious about the whole thing with Tracey’s mom

Guess it's time for me to elaborate then! (And also probably go on several tangents.)

I have a lot of interest in familial relationships--the good, the bad, and the nuance and complexities within. Probably because of my own messy and complicated family situation, but I digress.

The fact that canon gave us absolutely nothing regarding Tracey's history and family is interesting to me. You'll see a wide variety of takes because it's a total blank slate, and I think that's fun. Even though I have my own I like to see others. My take is that there's a reason he doesn't talk about it and doesn't go home.

Tracey's mom is... decently complex in my brain for an OC who has no name and objectively sucks. She's a single mother, and it's a mystery where Tracey got his optimistic nature from because she's pretty jaded about things. She loves her kid, or at least thinks she does, but she's insistent that the world is a dangerous place and they only have each other, which is... not healthy.

Additionally, in my immense longing as a chronically ill young adult for there to be more young characters who are chronically ill, I've been contemplating the idea of Tracey having PCOS--a condition that's genetic, and could have been inherited from his mother. Part of PCOS is that it makes conception and successfully carrying a fetus to term difficult and risky, with a high chance of miscarriage, so if this was the case it took a lot of luck for Tracey to be born at all. And on top of that, as I mentioned recently, I have another headcanon that he was immunocompromised as a young child, and that gave her one more reason to worry. Like, even later on when he's pretty much fine, she can't help thinking there might be a relapse. Every little cold sets her off worrying.

Tracey is friendly and adventurous and deeply curious about the world, and that worries her for two reasons. One is actual concern for her child's safety--that he's not strong enough, or that people will take advantage of his kind and trusting nature or mistreat him because he's different. The other is that his father left and never came back, and he might do the same if she lets him. She's sort of a worse parallel to Delia, interestingly--the fundamental difference between them is Delia chose to support her son and let him go. Tracey, on the other hand, wasn't let go so much as he finally decided enough was enough and left.

It took a while to get to that point though. The deterioration of their relationship really started when the azurill Tracey befriended evolved, and Tracey realized he was trans. Which also explained why his mother's insistence that men were nothing but trouble, trouble he'd do well to avoid, made him so viscerally uncomfortable. He comes out to her, thinking she's his mom and she loves him and she's always said she would no matter what. She's dismissive. She insists she knows her daughter and she knows a phase when she sees one.

It sort of makes him think. He's too young to fully grasp nuances, but on some level he can tell his mother underestimates his strength and his intelligence, and it hurts. He's always done his best to be understanding, to listen when she says being a single mother is hard, to be a good kid. Her protectiveness feels more smothering with the realization she thinks he's too weak and naive to face the world outside their little island, or even understand who he is.

He tolerates it for a while, but it's a test of even his patience. Finally he gets up early one morning, cuts his hair in the bathroom, writes a note because he can't bring himself to leave without saying goodbye, and takes his backpack and Marill and leaves.

It feels like the most selfish and cruel thing he could possibly do. She'll miss him, he knows. He'll miss her. He can't not look back, but he never goes back and never speaks to her again, refusing to risk letting her talk him into coming home. The guilt eats at him sometimes, but mostly the relief and exhilaration of finally being free to live his life are stronger.

And as we all know, eventually he finds a home with the Oaks, where he's loved and respected. He could never go back after that.

#wow this is long. It turns out I have a lot of Thoughts #Andrew answers #anonymous #Tracey Sketchit

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mushroomminded · 1 year

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NO BUT FR FR IN REGARDS TO THAT "PUSHED HER TOO HARD BUT ITS BECAUSE HE CANT BEAT TO SEE HER GIVE UP POINT"; yes, though he was saying what he said in Light Motion specifically to rile her up so she'd fight it, he meant it when he said 'surely Peachy, the girl who carries knives in her coat etc etc, isn't going to GIVE UP?' because he KNOWS how strong she is, not just in skill or physical strength- hell not even predominantly because of that- but in terms of her fortitude, her stubbornness, how much she's already fought to get where she is. And as covered in DMs, if he were to meet Mars/was present for main comic canon, how hard he treats him, the shit he gives him, saying things like "if there's something i can't abide, its a coward" it's not to be a jerk for being a jerk's sake- again he KNOWS how hard Mars has fought to get where he is, he knows Mars is hurting and deeply wracked with guilt, but he also knows just running away from his demons won't solve a damn thing. He knows running away and submitting to fear keeps you trapped in a cycle.

None of this is meant to mean he can't be criticised for his mistakes, like (unknowingly but lets be real, his idea of a first training session was still insane) bringing up significant trauma from Peachy' past, or that he'd be so hard on Mars to the point of being a little abrasive, but it all comes from a place of understanding because he's been where both of them are emotionally- and in some cases (eg the business with Commander Tartar hijacking his body) literally. He comes from two long lines of pro Turfers, one side of his family is known for chronic poor health, he lost his father when he was eight years old (because his father just couldn't let go of the dream and kept pushing himself harder and harder), he was bullied relentlessly for being 'weak' and told he'd die young just like his dad did, the pressure to live up to that family heritage eating away at him, throwing himself into the life of a soldier as a teenager for glory and having a rude awakening as to what REAL combat is like and having to adapt to it, having to fight against foes who were desperate and brainwashed and if not justified in their actions then in their motivations or the events that forced their hand, being involved in World Ending Threat after World Ending Threat, reconciling with the unease that comes with realising you've not just adapted to being a soldier but that you're GOOD at it, being promoted to a leadership position and burdens that comes with that, feeling your own body start to fail you just like your dad and compromising both your job security AND what you do in your free time, briefly thinking that you're having to see and hold the dead body of your secondary father figure- Avex has been through so, so much in his comparatively short life, and there are days it weighs so, so heavy on his head.

But he's still here. There's still air in his lungs, still blood in his veins. Everything that tried to drag him down into the very depths of despair and hopelessness, everything that has tried to kill or hurt him, has failed. The marks on his body and on his mind, many of which have begun to heal, are not things he is ashamed of, not things he thinks make him ugly, but are instead evidence of how truly alive and free he is. And throughout all of the stuff documented above, he still found joy, he still found fun, he still found love- he was never alone, even if he sometimes felt it, and the bad things were never permanent.

Its hard. But it can get better. There is ALWAYS the opportunity for things to get better. Sometimes, you have to fight for it- figuratively and literally. And that's scary. But you can win. You can overcome. You can smile again. Because he has. And he will not, can not, sit idly by and watch people submit themselves to hopelessness.

funnily enough that gives him n mars something in common, not putting up with quitting. Avex's perspective has a more optimistic end, that things will be better, while mars just goes on because what other choice is there?

peachy's not a quitter, shes stubborn and a fighter and she tried so hard to carve out her future and it burned her so so badly. im sure its hard for her to articulate to either of them how dead tired she is and how low and desperate she had to become to reach a point where she doesn't want to pull herself up again

#8 colas

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tirededuxhours · 6 months

Text

Meet Cabbie! He's my Tadc oc ::3

✧: CHAR INFO!!

・Name: Cabbie(Cubby)

・Age: [error]

・Gender/Pronouns: He/They/It/Ze/Fae

・Sexuality: Ace/Demi

・Species: Fluogen/Lava Lamp Caterpillar Plush Animatronic

Height/Weight: 7'3" 10.89-376.2 pounds(can fluctuate if wanted)

・Illnesses/mental health probs: Depression, Adhd, Autism, Mild hallucinations (auditory, visual, and scent), social anxiety disorder, insomnia, mild asthma/trouble breathing, sensory processing disorder, chronic pain and frequently (silent) panic attacks, might also have did/osdid(he isn't sure)

・Personality: Cabbie is a large gental giant, wanting to treat everyone with kindness and respect. He doesn't talk much, though when he does it's a low rumble sound or using some sort of lingo from the 1920s, 1990s, or from fiction (i.e. steampunk or videogames). His references are all over the place, mostly because he can't remember which timezone he was from.

He's sweet, slow, and quiet and will never pass judgment onto others unless they really grind his gears.

✧: STATS!!

・Strengths/Weaknesses: Calm during crisis, soaks up information like a sponge, can knitt/sew, he can lift on a good day up to twice his max body weight. While being the jack of all trades he is slow at communication and have bad days where he can't do anything he normally can.

・Magic(yes/no): yes

・LV/AT: ???

・HP/DF: ???

✧: ABILITIES!! (only if `yes` magic)

・Description: Music. The audials/headphones on his head emite constant music into his skull but if needed he can cause auditory illusions for one or more persons. He can also use the headphones to listen to his surroundings more in depth but he uses that only when he needs to fight.

・Weapons: hatchets/axes would be his primary go to for weaponry whole scythes and Sickles is his close second. He is more equipped to do hand to hand verses distance.

✧: OTHER INFO!!

・Fears: Crowds, Porcelain dolls, Needles

・Hobbies: Drawing, Listening to music, Writing

・Birthday: [Error]

・Likes: Coffee(coffee addict before tadc, coffee addict now), dark places, alone time, plushies, nests, bugs

・Dislikes: crowds, people shouting(hurts his ears), the lava lamp star in his chest, touch(picky on who he allows to touch him)

・Is your character ok with romance?: yep!

AU or outcode? Yes.

・Occupation: ???

・Backstory: [error]

✧: RELATIONSHIP INFO!!!

・Family members: ???

・Lover(s)/ Crush(s): Mal, Kinger, DJ MM

・Enemies: Monty(doesn't like how loud he is)

・Friends: Jax, Ragatha, Pomni, Sun/Moon, etc

・Pets: Two rats Mal made him that just chill in his Bedroom

NSFW Notes

➤Name: Cabbie(Cubby)

➤Kinks: Mommy/Daddy, Leashes and collars, Size difference, voyeurism, more to be added

➤Genitalia: Cunt mainly, but can summon an ecto dick if needed, though rarely

➤Description of their 'assets': Pierced, no one knows where he got his clit/dick pierced especially in tabc but they are. They are also the same colours as the lava lamp chest.

➤Favorite Position(s): he doesn't have one

➤Switch,Top,Bottom?: Bottom mainly, rarely a top

➤Limits: depends on kinks and his comfort levels of touch in the moment. Diaper and bodily fluid kinks are an automatic no.

➤Preferred type of sex: he likes to service his partner verses being serviced himself.

➤Masochist or sadist?: masochist mostly

#tadc #tadc oc #the amazing digital circus #TiredEduxHours art #my artwork #Cabbie #fnaf sb #fnaf oc

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withachanceoflaxus · 9 months

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I don’t know what this is. It’s partly me rambling for a long time. It’s a meta, but also has some of my own headcanons & thoughts sprinkled in. I call it my F.antasia Manifesto because that's what it feels like. It's an examination of Laxus’ character and why Fantasia happened in the first place; it wasn’t so much about the guild as it was Laxus & Makarov’s relationship which is the main focus of this. Keeping up with the Dreyars is a full time job.

shoutout to jana / @aeceso for betareading this for me <;3

We all know what Laxus was like in the beginning. Arrogant. Rude. Loud-mouthed. Very focused on strength. His need for the guild to be strong is his stated reason for Fantasia.

That’s how he’s portrayed and he is a dick to everyone he talks to. He literally calls Team Shadowgear weak after what Gajeel did to them only to then later attack Gajeel “for them”. Obviously, it wasn’t about them or Gajeel.

We don’t really know at this point where his emphasis on strength originates.. One hidden part of it that I think we shouldn’t ignore is that Laxus as a child was sick. And that’s a key part I want to point out. He was a sickly child. I think some part of his obsession with strength, perhaps even subconsciously, was a fear of feeling like he did as a child. Pediatric chronic illness has been noted to align with later emotional, behavioral and psychiatric symptoms. It is not every child, obviously, but I think Laxus would be a good case for something like this considering Fantasia. Laxus going from being sick to having heightened senses of a dragon slayer will be something I explore in a different post because I believe that is important. And so is his relationship with Makarov.

Fantasia doesn’t happen because Laxus thinks everyone else is weaker than him, that’s just what he says. We learn that we can’t even trust his stated reasons, I don’t think he is even conscious of the fact of why he’s behaving so out of character for himself. We know we can’t trust him because Fairy Law fails. At that point, people are urging Laxus to go to Makarov, but he doesn’t and he continues. Everything he does, even in his most desperate moments, involve Makarov.

His identity is so intertwined with Makarov. All his accomplishments, all his strengths. His relationship with Makarov forces him to be more focused on the guild and the guild’s future than himself. This is proven at the end. Right after Fairy Law fails? We have these two panels.

(sidenote: I really don't think Laxus opened up much to his friends at this point because if he did, Freed would Not have said that. Because it comes across, to me, like a "okay you made your point lets end this" kinda way that dismisses the root cause which also probably caused the screaming. How many times has Laxus been told to get over things? Well, I know at least one other time which I will also get into.)

The utter heartbreak I feel aside — this shows what Fantasia was about. And it wasn't strength. It was about Laxus, his place in the guild and in his own life. Which has been completely messed up.

Natsu, the main character, does go on to attempt to reiterate the a lesson learned in the Phantom Lord arc by saying to Laxus that blood family doesn’t matter; that “no one cares” if Laxus is Makarov’s grandson. That's wrong, though.

One, blood not mattering makes sense for Lucy, who was abused by her father (at the very least, she was neglected which is a form of abuse) and she ran away. Her father was trying to force her into marriage. The two situations are different. Two, it makes total sense for a character like Natsu to not put much stock into blood family. He doesn't have any. He's only had a dragon, Igneel, to grow up with and doesn't remember his human family. And later, we learn Zeref is his brother so I can't blame him — his situation is very special. So! For Natsu, it makes sense that's what he thinks. Three, I'd say this is more Natsu's POV because it does matter. Just look below!

Laxus gets flack for being a well known Fairy Tail mage and is constantly undermined because his grandfather is the GM. People have thoughts about him, alright. His reputation matters. People have thoughts and theories on him because of his connection to Makarov, because of his blood relation. Everyone assumes he will be the next master because Makarov is the current one. Also, just to add to blood relation mattering: Laxus is also connected to a founder of Fairy Tail. Of course people are going to assume he’s going to be GM. And none of it has anything to do with any of his own accomplishments as a mage. Which is infuriating because being a mage is all that Makarov expects from him, which we will get into.

I doubt Mr. Zod was the first or the last person to say something of that effect. Makarov's reputation is very important for Laxus.

I will also like to add how important reputation is in general for Fairy Tail. As a Fairy Tail mage...the reputation of the guild matters. Fairy Tail is wildly talked about and it's not always good as we can see below. They're not taken seriously and that can affect the nature of the jobs. Not only that, because of the their destructive reputation, they could get disbanded. Yajima was protecting them there which is just another side of Makarov being so shady but that's a different meta / headcanon.

So yes. Reputation does matter. Blood relations or no. You just get extra pressure and expectations put on you if you’re blood related. No biggie!

Back to Laxus a bit. Fairy Tail and Makarov's reputation being what it was always affected him. From what people said to his face, what they said about him, how they treat and interaction with him — this is all impacted by his relationship to Makarov. Whether or not some people think otherwise (Natsu and Makarov). His relationship to Makarov gets thrown in his face constantly and how healthy can that be? His relationship with Makarov isn't even truly understood by most, if not all, of these people. They are not buddy-buddy wholesome cute close. In fact, I am hopefully going to show why I think Makarov and Fairy Tail are the same entity when it comes to Laxus and that’s how it was set up by Makarov’s own actions.

Before Makarov excommunicated Laxus, what positive interactions do we see? Yeah, Laxus is being stand-offish and a dick to others in the guild, but Makarov one, allows it to a certain point. Two, has never shown any true genuine affection for an older Laxus until the excommunication. Three, literally doesn’t seem happy when he hears Laxus is in town for the Festival despite the good memories (obviously, we the reader know something is up there, but Makarov hasn’t seen him for a few weeks). Four, we know that something Not So Chill happened and Laxus’ only parent, Ivan, was excommunicated. At some point, this becomes an argument between them. And I personally think that argument is the catalyst for their relationship and leads to Fantasia & it’s aftermath and explains why just Laxus was excommunicated.

Laxus is about 14-17 in the flashback. I personally headcanon it takes place pre S-Class because of how it ends. He's also obviously an older teenager, not a tween. When it ends, two very important things happen. Laxus makes a vow to become strong (the earliest time we see Laxus put any emphasis on strength) not for Ivan, but for himself. Makarov, however, saw it as Laxus “choosing” Ivan and no longer trusting him. But … it didn’t begin as an argument about Ivan.

To summarize: Makarov asked Laxus if he was going to be in Fantasia (something Laxus used to enjoy as a child and also something expected of Laxus as a member). Laxus got angry and upset at Makarov. Laxus talked about how he never gets the credit he deserves. That he’s always…Makarov’s grandson. Does Makarov emphasize with his struggle? No. He says "no one gets the credit they feel they deserve" and seems rather tired of the conversation and of Laxus' outburst. He doesn't admit that there's pressure to being his grandson, brushes it off. Laxus gets frustrated as anyone would (let alone a teenager) and mentions his dad, something he is separately upset about. Laxus reveals the existence of Raven Tail, which is news to Makarov. Makarov tries to get Ivan's location from Laxus and Laxus refuses, Makarov is not happy about this. It's evidence of Laxus and Ivan interaction that Makarov didn't previously know about. Makarov is afraid of what Ivan knows. This fear is what ultimately makes Makarov not trust Laxus and we see the formation of the distance between them pre-Fantasia.

Also, in the argument, Laxus truly shows that he thinks blood relations should matter. He’s Makarov’s grandson. Ivan was his son. Doesn’t that mean something? Well. What does being Makarov’s grandson mean for Laxus? The reputation comes with pressure. It means working really hard for no credit. That there are expectations put on you. Being Makarov's grandson and your father being excommunication probably doubled the pressure on him because everyone is going to wonder how he would turn out. Lastly, a grandson could also get excommunicated despite being family because at the end of the day, you're a mage of Fairy Tail and that's the part of you that matters to Makarov, as shown by his actions.

To summarize where we are: Fantasia was not about strength. It was about Laxus' lack of real identity. He was never himself, not even to his grandfather. He's always a mage of Fairy Tail first. That's how his grandfather sees him, his only blood relative that is around him. Makarov and Fairy Tail. They may as well be one and the same for Laxus. He’s not really given any room or model for how to have an identity outside of Fairy Tail. So of course he’s going to care. And he cares with his strength because he thinks that’s all he’s allowed to have at the end of the day. If he can overpower Makarov, he can be his own person.

So that’s how we get to Fantasia. And I’m not going to go over it too much, but it’s easy to see by different character’s reactions and even the townspeople that this is not something that aligns with the Laxus they are familiar with. Natsu (not Makarov) doesn’t take the threats seriously until he’s forced to. Freed is even surprised at what Laxus says to him, especially after Evergreen falls in battle. He is obviously not acting in character despite him being a dick in the few months we see him before the incident.

Now, I do think Laxus (and the Raijinshuu) do deserve a punishment for what happened. They did all endanger the lives of not only their guildmates but also citizens. I did find it odd that Laxus was the only one who was excommunicated, but when I thought about it deeper…it does make sense! Why? Because why would Makarov let Laxus and the Raijinshuu leave, when he could ensure that at least just Laxus is leaving. He can’t trust what Laxus was going to do after. Remember, in the flashback argument, Laxus threatened that if ever he got fired, he'd join his dad's guild. We know he didn't do that after he left Fairy Tail. Makarov, however? Makarov didn't have that foresight! Yes, Makarov will miss him and cries when Laxus leaves. Yes, Makarov promises to watch over his grandson from afar (considering he sent spies after Ivan, though, I figure that was a guarantee LMAO) . However, there is still a lack of trust in their relationship.

Makarov who just fired Laxus cannot risk Ivan having Laxus & the Raijinshuu especially after the Raijinshuu just displayed all their tricks. Once more, Laxus is unwillingly put into the war between his dad and his grandfather. He is cut off from his support system (his friends) because of this.

Either being fired from your job (in this case, from Fairy Tail) means you have to leave the entire city (why does a guild have that much power over its mages in the first place or why does Fairy Tail / Makarov have that power?) or, more likely, Laxus' exile was self imposed. And I think the reason why it was self imposed is tied directly into the relationship with Makarov he's had thus far: family = guild. There is no two separate things. Not even blood can save you. So of course being fired means leaving. Makarov didn’t just fire Laxus, it’s never that simple between them. Laxus is not a part of the guild, he’s not a part of Makarov’s family either.

Which is devasting because obviously other people outside his relationship with Makarov do make it matter. Strangers make it matter. People close to him make it matter (Freed is an example of how close that is). But to Makarov himself? It doesn't. And we can infer that to Laxus it also mattered. He thought being blood related mattered. That he had a grandfather, not a guild master. Since that argument, we know that is not the truth for Makarov.

To conclude: Fantasia happened because Makarov and Laxus’ fucked up relationship and its impact on Laxus. He is not allowed to be Laxus, he has to be Fairy Tail’s Laxus. Not just to the general public, but to his grandfather. And there are pressures that come with being tied to Makarov that frankly, others either don’t acknowledge and/or care about. Their relationship was forever changed from that one argument and, I’d say even to the end in canon, it was never the same. They aren’t really close as Makarov will always put the guild over his family.

#2.3 k words later and here we are folks #the fantaasia manifesto which has been on my mind for 3 years now #and when i started to look more critically at makarov #that headcanon / meta will come at some point im sure #⚡: allow me to exaggerate a memory or two / hc #⚡: your melody needs a little more character for show / canon div #fantasia manifesto #just in case i need to come back to this #makarov tag

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