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yandere-monoma · 5 months

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good evening i am warming up for the 3(+????) killswitch updates i have planned for this coming week so KYM 3 COMMENTARY

chapter 3 (the flashback) was originally meant to just be 'the rising action', a large, large, large chapter of build up before not only getting to the pregnancy reveal, but also detailing all of rose's reactions to it and her whole attempt to redeem herself through motherhood, only to end with a cliffhanger about her subsequent miscarriage. however, i went batshit, got too lost in the sauce and the chapter ended up being SO long before i even got to half of what i had planned, so chapter 3 was split into two halves. it's actually so interesting watching how a piece's word count can grow in that regard, like, i feel like with pacing i am just following this invisible flow and i can sense when i just need to cut it off and i don't really have a choice in the matter. which makes it especially funny when a piece just gets longer and longer and longer and then suddenly it's 10k+ words, god

the flashback was also what i considered at the time to be my final moment to really detail as many of my headcanons about how rose was raised as i could, since i knew the rest of the fic would be laser focused on the pregnancy plot. there were so many details i wanted the audience to have, especially because the pain of building and developing a world that never really gets shown is so painful ARGH

it was a difficult chapter to write for a number of reasons. like, from the first line, i was STRUGGLING

the chapter promptly starts:

and it was... interesting, to say the least, to finally sit there and put a number to what was happening... the topic of CSA is something i write about a lot, but i actually have a huge tendency to avoid listing ages when i do so. i love ambiguity and also adding specifics like that actively make me uncomfortable HAHA i think it makes it too real and makes me actually process what i'm actually writing about, which i'm usually largely disconnected to (i have little to no visual imagination when i read, so, really, the only reason i'm capable of writing this kind of shit without getting grossed out myself is cuz it's all just words to me). so it was an interesting challenge to actually pinpoint an age. it's a large reason behind the 'something bad happens' revelation happens later on. i was incredibly unwilling to specify what age rose was when the sexual abuse happened, both because of that discomfort and also just because of indecision. i don't actually know when bro first started attacking rose in that way. or any of my strider, really. i don't really care to know. HGJFKGS

also

it's interesting to see >rose: scream as it is right now because it's one of those bits that left me unsatisfied to leave as is. maybe one day i'll double back and fix it hsdjfkgsdg initially there was meant to be a stronger and more obvious parallel between rose seeing her menstrual blood for the first time and rose seeing the blood from her miscarriage. at the very least, the commands were originally planned to be identical, but since this chapter's beginning and chap 4's ending are just too different, i abandoned it as an idea. but now... after the fact... oh how i CRAVE it... KJGFLS

this part also brings up another reason why this chapter was so awkward and so difficult. i don't keep it secret from anyone that i just have a big fetish for angst and whump SHDFJGSDF kym isn't meant to be a ~deconstruction~ of anything. if anything, it's more me going 'damn i wish rose got whump fics. she would get so many if she was a boy/a strider. HEY WAIT A SECOND-'....

but a lot of what i'm writing about in this chapter isn't actually fueled by horny. i very much lack a menstruation fetish. in fact, anything involving reproduction is very 🧍‍♂️which is why having an entire plot arc that revolved around it was CRAAAAAAAZY... i got off to NOOOOOONE of that what do you MEEEEAN

it is actually so funny being slightly awkward about writing period blood when you literally write about dicks-in-guts on like a monthly basis HAHA anyway... WORTH it for the carrie reference that part was so sooo important to me

i rewatched carrie so much for this scene HAHA

i love writing bro i hope my love for writing bro really shines in this fic because god i love writing him he's probably my fave hs muse ever

whenever i mention bro's jeans being too tight pls know it's because once i saw him described in a fic as a middle aged man stuffed into an old pair of skinny jeans and it never left me, especially after becoming that very thing. also pls know that whenever i talk about his jeans being too tight it's because i'm gay i'm gay i'm gay and i'm thinking about his thighs and ass and cock

that's you! you're the joke!!!! idk why i adore that line but it was so fun to write

interesting conundrum sparked in this interaction that would haunt me for a couple of chapters after this one. i have thought too many thoughts about how bro should refer to rose. it was all too tempting to have him drop a 'sis' every now and then for that same sense of casual bro-ness but god it's not casual enough in a lot of ways... the lack of plosives stood out to me too much for some pretentious reason and i think in a way it was actually too accepting of her gender to ever be allowed. 'kid' is gender neutral which is as much freedom as bro can possibly allow her. rose is only granted her womanhood when it's being used against her, otherwise she's forcibly deemed masculine or neutral, depending on what suits him more

(which is double interesting because that's a phenomenon that is ESPECIALLY forced upon women of color... i don't actually utilize any race hcs in this fic because my strilonde race hcs tend to be very fluid but damn... kinda wish i did just for that)

quick shout-out to the DVD menu line a few paragraphs down from here yeah that was a purposeful reference to eat your young, it is very important to me that the rose strider character study also reads exactly like a dave strider character study because bro as a character is STATIC, he is repetitive, he is doomed to repeat the same abuse towards his victim no matter who he aims it at. rose and dave and jade and john will all have to face that same moment in the living room where the tv is on and bro is leaning way too close and he shatters their childhood forever by kissing them for the first time. the reason why they get on that couch will vary, bro and rose are watching carrie, bro and dave are watching shitty comedies for ironic reasons, maybe bro and jade are watching cartoons, maybe bro and john are watching childhood tapes while bro tries to prove some crazy insane point. it is always on that fucking couch that bro decides they are grown enough to start™

'Bro’s arms coming around you to squeeze just a little bit as it comes to an end' i fucking LOVE writing 'good' bro moments i LOVE writing bro sprinkling those masculine gestures of affection i love making him ruffle someone's hair or pat them too hard on the shoulder or give them a little side hug. i love when he is not just a stone cold freak sociopath TM he is a human capable of showing love who even enjoys doling it out at any opportunity. it is so so fun and also it drives me crazy

fun fact i'm actually incredibly shit at understanding how the hell the striderian mind games are even supposed to work. it means a lot that people say i nailed it with the carrie thing cuz ngl this is the only way i could make it click in my head. for me, so much of what bro claims in irony isn't, he's just like that genuinely and the mind game is the fact that he just lies and omits info and makes you wonder what's fake and what's not. to me bro strider works because he is a manchild who spends every waking moment crafting a fantasy land and making it a reality, following every fancy and whim he has. for me, he takes the concept of seeing a fictional character and going 'MOOD' and deciding to wear similar clothes or adopt a similar posture and he goes above and beyond. bro being a 'fan' of SAW and creating traps in his house is an example of that to me. he thought they were cool and decided to incorporate it in his irl. and since what's cool to HIM should be cool to his super cool kid too, he just assumes they have the same approach as he does. which is why he sees rose and goes, oh yes, i gotta re-enact every great womanTM horror through her. she's gonna love and appreciate the FUCK out of that.

speaking of that, bro and rose being likened to jigsaw and amanda doesnt really happen enough for my tASTES HELLOOoOOoooo

'This is how he loves you.' line that cracks me up because it's like. one of those lines/concepts that follows me into every piece about abuse if it gets long enough. the bizarreness of it. attempting to comprehend another person's perspective and squeeze it into your own even though trying to understand just harms you further in the process. it makes me aaaaaaaaaaaaa

And God made Eve from the rib of Adam and Eve was weak. And the curse was the curse of blood.

did you know that carrie has a musical. did you know i fucking love this song from this music. did you know i will sit and force a religious reference into anything and everything i write because i have so So many fetishes on the topic

You start imagining your brother’s rib plucked out, shiny and pretty, and growing enough flesh and arteries and bone to form a little girl. And you were made from him and you were made for him and you-

I'M INSAAAAAAANE adam and eve didn't have to go as hard as it did but Damn. Damn. yknow what people don't do religious striders enough considering the whole from the south bible belt thing. like i don't think they're christian in the slightest but they'd be entrenched in it, they'd be SURROUNDED in it and godhsdjfgsdfg (melts into a cummy puddle) anyway

SCREAMS INTO MY FIST I LOVE THIS SCENEEEEEEE

it is such an odd exchange it was so fun describing absolutely nothing about what was going on in either of their heads

another instance of manchild bro literally jumping for joy SO excited to get a laugh in with his (other) best friend

rose taking his horror movie reference and twisting it into another, trying to take control of the situation (most notably a horror movie where the villain is two antagonists pretending to be one, which is what rose would prefer their relationship to be like, an 'equal' symbiosis rather than one with a huge power dynamic like carrie and her mother)

the fact that yeah it's absolutely pig's blood god bro where did you even get that god you freak

we now get to >rose:bind which means i get to talk a shitload about rose's gender which was... HARD

because rose is very much not transmasc nor is she even particularly genderfluid or even butch and that is a very hard thing to convey in a very... queer audience. i won't get into the rant of it (because HOO i could rant) but i think sometimes in fandom, things get simplified or shoved into a box because it is something recognizable and relatable. i didn't want anything about rose's gender to be relatable. her sense of masculinity is something that was projected onto her and her sense of the feminine is something that was robbed from her and her entire identity is built upon that.

like, it was SUPER fun to play with this aspect of rose striderism because i usually do see her portrayed as butch or masc or just really punk/alt but it was very important for me that this wasn't something that she chose for herself and that it wasn't something that was really true to how she saw herself. dave's issues with masculinity was handed to him on a platter by bro and i wanted that for rose as well

so it was super important for me to talk about her binding. it was super important to explore it as something that was done to her, something that doesn't even really do anything for her as she does it, except fulfilling an aesthetic that was obviously given to her to uphold. it is another form of mutilation that she happily accepts and buys into.

ngl the mutilation is also a reference. i don't really write trans striders (i prefer trans lalondes tbh HJSKFG) but if/when i do, you better KNOW that they're never not thinking about cutting their titties off with their swords. it's their Thing.

You are now a twelve year old drug addict/you are now a twelve year old rat. This wasn't done on purpose but after this point, she never refers to herself as a 'girl'. she gets a quick mention at being bro's sister while lil cal's influence is still holding the narrative but after this point she's just referred to as rose in every 'introduction' sentence and ugfhdgfgd noice

shoutout to this section by the way i think i wrote it while losing my shit on my adhd meds HAHA. i always love the extra edge of mania that gets infused in my writing when i'm hyped up on them enough (i actually have a series on ao3 specifically and secretly dedicated to my Way Too Hyped Up On My Adderall writing, fun fact). this section is also a shoutout to the fact that i've just always been obsessed with psychology and these experiments are some examples of

like, the approach was: ok ricky imagine you're at a bar drunkenly explaining actual real life nature vs nurture experiments to an unwitting third party

Let me be warm. My life is darkness and all I want is a single dose of light.

note to self: steal that from myself and put it in a book wtf

rose's silly junkie era is so fun because it's me twisting alcoholic meteorstuck rose into the worst thing it could possibly be and she is so cute hjskgsdg

this part was so fun and what's SO fun about reading back on it is literally seeing the parts of the fic where, in the process of writing it, i went... wait let's go a step further WAIT wouldn't it be crazy if i did this or that. here is where i simultaneously realized, YES let's acknowledge within the fic that this is a FIC, let the narrator know about the trigger warnings and the summary. let the narrator understand and point out characterization. let the narrator take plot points and toss them out completely and tease their existence out despite their removal yESSSSS.

now, the latter is actually not the first time i've written that. it's something i've been practicing a lot lately, playing with unreliable narrators and the way they relay actions. playing with what is omitted rather than what is directly and incorrectly said. it's so fun GOD it's SOOOOOO fun to say something happened but not allow it to be studied even a little bit. it's so fun to spend an entire chapter detailing a list of years only to be like. oh yeah by the way, this whole time something else was happening that we just neglected to mention, oops, yeah. and it was such a perfect loophole for my own discomfort HJSKDF go me

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

this was the part of the fic that i was the MOST excited about. there was absoLUTELY no plan for it WHATSOEVER it appeared INCREDIBLY RANDOMLY after i was inspired and reminded by a random ass homestuck PLAY i found on ao3 (this one btw it's super good) that i'm also a playwright and i miss writing in a play format. SJDKFGSDFG. i love playing with format so MUCH and the first few inklings of this idea came from me wanting to use a BROTHER/SISTER format, completely stripping bro and rose's identity into nothing but their familial roles

and then i realized who'd be perfect to do just that

i believe this is the first time i also had to wrestle with what color to use on bro: which is something i tend to struggle with literally whenever i have to incorporate pesterchum colors for him. however, this fic really solidified it for me: as much as i love using orange for bro, it's important to use black for him because lil cal stole his color from him and stole what agency and 'character' he had. the black makes him a NPC, he's reduced to a default setting, and that's perfect. every time i remember that, the urge to put some likeness to dirk into him evaporates instantly

now, i've already talked about my approach to lil cal's characterization so i won't repeat much but i WILL do more to point out specific aspects of it

this part is funny cuz yes it's supposed to be a reference to arquius/equius but also it's a reference to me being really fucking gay for bro. caliborn/lil cal is also gay for bro but also it's just me. i'm the one who wants to kiss bro. i'm the one drooling about his sexy sexy Sexy tight shirt. it's ME.

this part is funny cuz caliborn is not gay for bro and i am Not a lolicon HJDKFGLSDFG

i hope how much fun and delight i was experiencing writing this scene shines through because it was the most fun and the MOST delightful

1)the injection line is super hot 2) reference to laugh track! i love bro feeling one way but being psychically tortured into acting another!! i love thinking about how that would look from the outside!!!!!!!

3) this is the start of the ASPECTS being highlighted in CAPS LOCK which i was INCREDIBLY TEMPTED to also format into their aspect colors but i was TOO FUCKING LAZY and was already doing a lot. it was an impulse that turned into a mini-challenge to me to see just how many aspects i could naturally fit into the prose without trying to force it, very much looking forward to seeing what that count looks like at the end

1)having to google drug safety phrases cuz i couldnt think of good ones off the top of my head was fun 2) who is the green? is the green caliborn or is it lord english or is it The Game? to me, the answer is, of course, all of the above, but especially The Game to me. again, this building and completely unplanned theme of Sburb being an entity capable of opinion and omniscience, and being nearly as much of a character capable of narration as Rose is... really started to solidify here, as lil cal, another inanimate object and another construct of The Game and another impossibility of paradox space, gets to suddenly narrate as well

which is rly what drives me crazy about KYM and what kill/switch has turned into. who or What the fuck is the narrator and what does it Mean to narrate within the context of the story. it isn't like the epilogues where someone is taking it consciously, so what? i can't wait to see if i ever have a specific answer for this, or if it will always just be the consequence of me just having so much fun in the writing process.

speaking of who is the narrator, who tf is the black caps vs the orange HJSDKFGDSG it's so so soooo fun playing with lil cal's ouroboros of possession. i love playing with meshing the two, like the black caps is the possessed narrator channeling lil cal's vibes as it channels any of it's hosts vibes, while the orange is lil cal's words straight from lil cal's lil bitch mouth

oh the SATISFACTION in getting to write the puppet bro moment. the SATISFACTION!!!!! writing this and getting to think and wonder just how many times lil cal has spoken through bro was so fUN

hey did yall know there's white font littered all throughout the fic because there's white font littered all throughout the fic and this is its first usage of it

i don't have specific thoughts (yet) about lil cal and his possible connections to doc scratch.

i do have thoughts about using the white in a way that would be hidden from most readers but still signified in a way for people to try and curiously try and find it. i attempted this by neglecting to white out the punctuation, leaving a big awkward space for a chosen few to hopefully consider poking at

bro slamming rose's head into a wall until she passes out and then regaining control of himself just in time for the effects of her drugs to hit him and passing out with a smile of pride on his face while lil cal (and the GAME) fucking pouts all tf over it. oh yeah baby. oh yeah this is what dreams are MADE of

VERY important speed-run of a VERY important rose strider hc

imo, rose is a better fighter than dave, right. she's better at becoming bro's protege than him. she's his perfect child. she's him.

so.

dave, in his failure, really only barely gets past lvl 1 of bro's intended training by the time sburb starts. maybe he's inching his way through lvl 2. he never even so much as gets a PEEK of lvl 3.

while rose is SOARING towards lvl 10. ok maybe that's a lil much. maybe she's at like 5 and a half. STILL.

i wanted to show that. i wanted to say YEAH not only is rose strifing but she strifes WAY more often than dave. i wanted to say yeah not ONLY is she getting attacked physically in the bathroom and kitchen but it's happening several times a day. i wanted to say yeah you thought shit was only physical and psychological??? hell nah bro started engaging in biochemical warfare against her body and she's all for it. i had this absolutely batshit hc about bro forcing rose to strife on roofies on a regular basis and it being something she (mostly) willfully encourages. GOD.

one thing i regret and mourn was that my pacing(???????) didn't allow all too much room to show rose befriending the other zetas and why she adores them so much. i think i summarized it enough with each friend brings a universe to you, but damn that is a premise that deserves a big long ramble

god what the hell is this AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA makes me so mad that bro is so cute with her JHKDFGSDFG this is just me shipping brose so goddamn hard, man... so goddamn hard...

also it was very fun to show bro literally handing rose some drugs on a silver platter after bashing her so often for them earlier. looking back, this is very much a moment where gamzee's influence on cal was absolutely in effect. he's affectionate and willing to share in the drug stash

another thing i regret not elaborating much on. although i think the sardonic nod at myself was super funny (yes it is so on the nose and obvious ooh so original a lolita reference in a het grooming fic) but i do wish i went more into detail about... rose attempting to find her femininity again and specifically the fact that this is happening because of what she's seen of jade and of women in media

(i dont think rose has read lolita but i do think she watched at least parts of the sexualized movie version)

(((man maybe i'll edit this bit cuz i do a lot with rape culture and how it affects rose but i'd love to add some porn culture thoughts as well... femininity and empowerment being joined with objectifying the self for men's benefit and rose attempting to lean into that as she tries to seduce bro because she is unaware of her appeal to him, a gay man)))

also, another laugh track moment, and another hc about bro and how he experiences attraction (and how it's been poisoned by lil cal)

Something in Bro’s face changes, then, the shift in possessive influence, gamzee losing what control he had over bro

You drape your arms around your brother’s shoulders. He grunts. “What are you doing?” bro returning, sluggishly reacting to what's happening, displeased with affection he didn't initiate and would consider weak

You kiss him on the cheek, girlish and soft. He grimaces. “Kid,” he warns. bro at the forefront. she does something 'girly', he reiterates and reinforces the gender neutral. it is a warning to stop before lil cal notices what's happening, and before she does something he'll really hate

You kiss him again, on the mouth this time. He pushes you away, disgusted. “The fuck?” bro continuing to be at the forefront, suddenly confronted with the fact that rose is attracted to him. as far as he is aware of, nothing he has done to her has ever been linked to 'attraction'. his assaults of her (as bro strider) at this point are a 'lesson'. they are not the result of a paraphilia. he is not attracted to his own child (the attraction is to power, it's to himself, it's ???????). the thought itself disturbs the fuck out of him. is he even aware of how much he has done at this point? does he even remember? is this bro at his purest, without any other influence or sickness manipulating his thoughts?

He breathes harshly. Sweat pops into his forehead, a vein bulging to view above his shades. He looks agonized. lil cal possession! his brain is getting zapped to hell and back and lil cal is fucking screaming at him for allowing something so DISGUSTING to happen. he's not the only one disturbed now, vessel and host are both SO unhappy with this turn of events

he grabs you by the wrist and yanks with a sudden roar of “c'mere.” bro on his own isn't the type of person to raise his voice when he's angry. the violent change in volume here is courtesy of lil cal (leaning towards caliborn?), though he's still largely in control

It’s like you’ve been filled with candy. Bright, fizzy, fuzzy candy that sparkles and foams up like nothing you’ve ever seen. Bro throws you to the ground. He looms over you, huge and terrifying. He corrects you with a sudden, sinister snarl. “You are meat.” lil cal officially puppetering bro completely. candy/meat reference to trigger caliborn even further. why can lil cal read rose's mind???? because of their connection? and/or because of gamzee's chucklevoodoos and the fraction of that ability still held inside of him

“You’re defenseless,” he informs you, drawing a sword from his specibi. “You’re helpless.” rape culture rape culture. it's also interesting to see where kym bro's obsession with it comes from. caliborn's misogyny, sure, but equius, too, in his obsession with the hierarchy, with his fetishization of it and the power structures within it, which of course also fuels the 'attraction'. you're helpless and this is something that i will help you fix... also a sentiment leftover from dirk/hal.

he reaches down suddenly, snarling again, one hand closing around your throat and the other, well. at this point, bro is all action. he is a melting pot of impulses and commands. every aspect of lil cal shouting different things, parts of him rebelling against the intimacy and demanding it be twisted, other parts obsessed with correcting behavior through violence, other parts overwhelmed with arousal and being unable to cope with it otherwise. all at once. all at OOOOONCE. It’s funny to see the contortions on your brother’s face as he fucks you, the forced clench of his jaw, the gratification, the aaaaaaaaaaaaaall of it

'sober up jfc' was such a funny command because the jfc was added at the last minute cuz >rose: sober up just... sounded so bland on its own. needed more OOMPH after the insanity of the scene before

it's also an ode to how much i fucking love that fucking roof my god i could write 6487569045634563950634563 strife scenes forever and never get tired of them

which is another thing i find fun about the rose strider character study. it fills in blanks that i havent written in break and bind us. the thought that bro is aware enough of his own crimes to contemplate suicide more than once isssss GOD yeah... god yeah... i probably wont ever write it much with dave himself because it's already in kym but GOD!!!

this was me struggling to transition to the present JHKDFGSFG like god you get so caught in a feedback loop of insanity and adrenaline that sometimes it's hard to move away from it (which is why i largely write oneshots cuz then i dont have to AHAHA)

surpriiiiise... it was a surprise to me, too. again, the pregnancy plot came long after i had actually started the fic, and rose's 'sickness' was only ever meant to be mental at first. suddenly plotting this and connecting it back to the first chapter/summary felt so wild to do hjsdkfgs

and with that we have the YIKES and me going jesus christ that was the end of the chapter huh goddamnit this fic is way longer than i wanted godDamn. this chapter is insane and i love it so much god.

#verse: killswitch #fic: kill your masters #director's commentary #meta #rose strider

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parismystere · 2 years

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miraculous goes metaphysical: on sentimonsters, the peacock miraculous and the existence of the soul

warning: leaps of logic were made for the purposes of this analysis.

you know how sometimes you have ideas that look related on the surface, and you need something small to bind them together, something that will tip the scales towards affirmation? that was me, quite recently in fact, when i realized that the missing piece of information i needed was... the origins of duusu's name. now, i'm sure all of you have noticed that the kwamis have nice short names that are a perfect fit for the kwami's powers - from plagg (plague), to trixx (tricks), to nooroo (neuro), and so on, and so on. in fact, most of their names are kind of obvious different spellings of english words.

enter my big brain moment, when i, a slavic girl that uses her native slavic language every single day, suddenly realized that. oh. duusu has slavic etymology, actually. it comes from душа / dusha/ duša, which means soul; in fact, the vocative case for the word in my language would be душо / dusho, which is... pretty darn close to duusu, if you ask me. we're going to ignore how bad i am with details if it took me so much time to realize it.

armed with this vital information, i immediately thought of this scene in heart hunter, in which marinette reads master fu's letter out loud (for the audience's benefit, of course), and a shot of gabriel fretting over a very sick nathalie is accompanied by these words:

i have to admit that i initially dismissed them as a metaphor. after all, siding with your boss who is an abusive father to his one child and moonlights as a terrorist when not taking care of his fashion empire, does seem pretty low. but i also dismissed gabriel's words about destroying the world and creating a new one in 'dearest family' as a metaphor as well, when that's exactly what happened with the wish in 'ephemeral'.

and then we have this tweet from feri, in which she says that nathalie will never recover from using the peacock miraculous:

and, you know, i've always hated that the miraculous ladybugs can ressurect people and so on. i felt like it cheapened emilie's story. if only poor emilie had used the peacock miraculous during an akuma attack! but maybe souls exist in the miraculous universe. maybe miraculous is leaning towards descartes' substance dualism (no word on how the mind - body problem gets solved within the ml universe, though). maybe when chat noir dies during akuma battles, his pure cat boy soul leaves his body, only to have to rapidly return when ladybug casts the magical cure. maybe emilie can't be helped not because her illness is physical, but because her soul got destroyed while using a broken peacock miraculous. there is also a tweet by astruc (thanks to @polkadotbrat for sending it to me!), and i know that word of god can be dubious, but it definitely made me pause. huh, i said. was duusu feeding on emilie's soul?

while talking with my wonderful buddy @polkadotbrat about the most original topic of them all - sentimonsters - we noticed that the show makes it seem like nathalie gets sick not from making sentimonsters, but from their death. [bear with me: this is my third and final captain obvious moment] it's kind of an iffy theory at the moment, but i thought - what the hell, why not throw it out there while i'm at it.

the six times nathalie was shown to have a coughing fit or a dizzy spell after a sentimonster died (and the one time she wasn't):

now, let's go with the details:

- the first sentimonster she made was butterly in mayura;

- reflekdoll got cataclysmed by lady noire;

- she made a lollipop sentimonster in miraculer, but her reaction after the senti's death wasn't shown; in fact, she seemed unusually healthy the entire episode, as she even battled our heroes;

- she didn't make feast, but she awakened it;

- reflekdoll, feast and optigami show nathalie immediately getting dizzy and having a migraine after the sentimonster has been released from existence.

out of these, the most interesting to me are feast and reflekdoll, for obvious reasons. my initial theory was that when a sentimonster dies, so does a part of nathalie's soul, but she didn't make feast. maybe we could infer that there is some sort of energy/life force transfusion between using the broken peacock miraculous and sentimonsters. when the kwami can't feed on your normal (whatever that could be) energy, why not go for your spirit, and use it to make the sentimonster? as for reflekdoll, i found it interesting that nathalie still got ill, even after the cataclysm cut the connection between the sentimonster and the peacock holder. lastly, she made optigami, but optigami only got used with gabriel as the peacock holder - still, she got a headache when optigami died. what does it mean? well, you tell me. i'm a little biased towards my theory.

as for the topic of the week- senti!felix - perhaps, as long as he is alive, whoever made him will also stay healthy, even if he was made with the broken peacock miraculous. speaking of felix, would it be too far to ponder if sentimonsters have souls? and if they have souls, are they their own, or a residue of the soul of whoever made them (we can even analyze two cases - with broken peacock miraculous and with repaired peacock miraculous)? what is even a soul in the ml universe? is emilie in a magical coma or 100% dead? did her body die, perhaps at the same time as her soul? is miraculous... monistic??? am i going to bring up plato's republic to discuss a cartoon for little children? who knows. stay connected!

#me: i'm on hiatus from ml also me: posts increasingly deranged content #ml spoilers #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #nathalie sancoeur #gabriel agreste #mayura #ml analysis #ml speculation

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storm-and-starlight · 2 years

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The Mountain Scene

(aka, can we give Geralt a break please?)

Okay, I’m going to preface this by saying that while I do love and adore Jaskier, I identify fairly heavily with Netflix!Geralt in a lot of ways, and tbh he’s probably my favorite character in any version of the media. If you hate him, this probably isn’t the blog for you, but I say this so that if I seem biased in his favor over Jaskier’s, or if this post seems excessively Jaskier-critical, you know where I’m coming from.

(I have also not yet seen much of s2, so this will have absolutely no references to anything shown in s2.)

So, without further ado, let’s talk about the Mountain Scene, and why my main reaction to it is “oh my god please give every single person here a hug, a blanket, and like three years of therapy”.

One: Jaskier and Boundaries

Over the course of the show, Jaskier, extremely consistently, ignores Geralt’s boundaries.

That sounds harsh, but... he really kind of does. There are multiple scenes where Geralt will request that Jaskier leave him alone (the scene in the Posada tavern in ep. 2, getting punched in ep. 2, the scene in the Cintran tavern in ep.4, “I just want some damn peace” in ep. 5) and then Jaskier does not.

I would ABSOLUTELY NOT say that this is to toxic levels (and considering Geralt’s self-isolating tendencies is probably good for him), but taken at face value, there’s a very consistent pattern of Jaskier not leaving Geralt alone when he requests to be left alone, or indicates that he doesn’t want to be talked to. And Geralt’s not subtle about it, either, “fuck off” is about as blunt as it gets.

So you get to the mountain scene, and Geralt is, once again, attempting to indicate that he wishes to be left alone, and Jaskier, again, ignores that.

This isn’t to say he’s unsympathetic, or self-centered, but it’s a kind of sympathy that goes counter to what Geralt needs in that moment.

One and a Half: Geralt and Boundaries

Another relevant thing here is that Geralt has a history that has essentially worn away at his ability to enforce those boundaries. He’s clearly willing and able to state them, and state them loudly, but if you look at the scene after Renfri’s death in ep.1 where he just lets them stone him, or the “then I’ll die” phrase from ep.3, it reads to me as someone who’s been told his entire life that his wants and needs and even life don’t matter. Which is, you know, not great. And the thing about this is that it’s pretty common if that someone pushes at your boundaries one time too many, you end up pushing back.

Two: Sympathy and Flippancy

Okay, now here’s where we get into what that means.

Jaskier is shown, over the course of the show, to care about Geralt a great deal, a care that Geralt is only shown as reciprocating in certain moments. That being said, Jaskier’s approach to Geralt’s problems is very... shall we say, careless. What comes to mind the most is their first scene in ep.5, where Geralt is clearly upset about being unable to sleep and Jaskier, while he has an initial moment of clear and obvious concern, as soon as it’s revealed that it’s insomnia he starts laughing. Many of his interactions with Geralt have a self-centered undertone to them -- his lamenting about the Countess de Stael, his pushing about Ciri despite Geralt’s lack of interest in talking about it, even the “we could go to the coast” speech can read as him expressing his own wants, rather than trying to figure out Geralt’s.

And, specifically, when you get to the mountain scene, that’s there too.

After all of the bullshit that Geralt’s been through in the past twenty-four hours (see below), Jaskier approaches him in what is clearly an attempt to cheer him up or reassure him, but in a way that doesn’t make his care or his intentions particularly obvious. Specifically, it’s a lighthearted “whoof, what a day--”, which..

If I were in Geralt’s position, again, and someone approached me during an emotional breakdown with that, I would absolutely read it as flippant and uncaring. (Which is NOT to say that it is, or that that’s what Jaskier intended, just that that’s what it sounded like.)

Three: Dragon Hunting’s Stressful as Fuck

The thing I see the most ignored about the dragon hunt is that Geralt has been through just ridiculous amounts of shit in under 24 hours. Let’s sum up, shall we?

1.) First, there are a bunch of background stressors, like the fact that the Reavers could just decide to kill them all in their sleep, and Geralt clearly doesn’t quite trust Yennefer’s presence in the group (see his conversation with Borch).

2.) Borch, Tea, and Vea die in front of him because he couldn’t pull them back up. Like, I know we’re all accustomed to stuff like that because of movies and TV but that is going to fuck you up pretty bad.

3.) Geralt, an extremely guarded person, gets very vulnerable with Yennefer in her tent, which is definitely going to leave him with some Stuff to Process

4.) Borch, Tea, and Vea are alive and Borch is a dragon oh and also now they have to fight and kill a bunch of Reavers too, which would be a shock to anyone’s system

5.) Borch reveals one of Geralt’s secrets without any prior warning and without his consent.

6.) Yennefer breaks up with him, explosively, and he retreats from everyone else.

For Geralt, who presumably has a lot of trouble dealing with emotions and interpersonal stuff, that’s just. that’s so much emotional turmoil all in one go. He’s probably absolutely reeling from everything and attempting to process on his own.

Four: Geralt Snaps.

So let’s sum all this up.

Jaskier has a history of ignoring Geralt’s requests for space, no matter how blunt of forward, and a history of not appearing to care about Geralt’s problems or issues, in favor of his own ideas or his own problems. Whether or not the latter is true, from Geralt’s perspective it’s definitely there.

Geralt’s been through just so much shit and is most likely in a really fragile emotional state when Jaskier approaches him, and approaches him in a way where it’s easy to miss the fact that he’s trying to help.

So he snaps. Which is a perfectly understandable reaction to the situation.

Like. It is absolutely the wrong reaction to the situation. Jaskier doesn’t deserve what Geralt said for what he’s done.

But given everything that’s gone down, how consistently Jaskier ignores Geralt’s requests for space, how much stress Geralt’s been under, I can totally see what’s going through Geralt’s head, and it’s, essentially, “oh my god I just want to be left alone to deal GO AWAY” and then you get the mountain scene.

It’s not a good scene, and no one is perfectly flawless, but it’s a very very human scene. And from my place behind the fourth wall where no living human was actually hurt and I can see all sides equally, I just want to give everyone there a hug and some therapy.

(Disclaimer: I do actually love Jaskier and I love him very much, but I did want to address all of the shit he does in canon that’s never mentioned in the fandom)

#the witcher #the mountain scene #these are thoughts I've been having tbh since I joined the fandom #but they've come back with s2 and with a vengeance #because yean Geralt did a horrible thing #but it wasn't out of the blue and Jaskier's not some poor little woobie who never did anything wrong ever

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goodwriterwithbadhabits · 3 years

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Want Me

This is, a lot more than anything I've ever written, but I hope you like it.

Master List

When Chan had told Stays he had a gift for them today, you had anticipated something like the valentines date. Maybe even Hyunjin’s surprise appearance. What you definitely weren’t expecting was your boyfriend to basically strip in front of literally the whole world.

“Oh. My god.” Your reaction was subconscious, and totally not something you wanted your roommate, Sungmi, to hear. Your eyes were the size of saucers as you stared at your phone.

“What’s up?” Her interest was piqued the second you made a sound, and being you, you did the one thing you could think of.

You threw your phone as far from yourself as possible.

The two of you watch it sail across the living room and land safely in the dirty clothes hamper neither of you had moved from the hallway to the washer.

“Uh, you good?”

“Wow, look at that laundry!” You exclaim, “Someone should go do it.” You can’t even jump up from the couch when her hand is wrapping around your ankle, pulling you onto the floor.

“Was it Chan’s performance?” Your face immediately goes crimson. “No,” You lie, poorly. “What performance? I didn’t even know he was performing. I should go do the laundry.” You’re talking like you’re the flash, and while she’s attempting to figure out what you said, you attempt to wrench your leg from her grip. Unfortunately her brain power is faster that you can get your arms under you, though you do manage to yank her off the couch with you.

“Get back here!” She huffs, yanking you closer to her and somehow managing to sit on your pelvis. “You saw the Wolfgang performance didn’t you?” She demands, but your answer is more struggling to knock her over. “I’m not going anywhere, Y/n.” She drops forward, pinning your arms by your head, and if she were literally anyone else, you would probably think this was super hot.

“Curse your shockingly strong legs.”

“Nine years of waterpolo.” She explains.

“Really? Damn, I should start playing.”

“You’re stalling.”

“No I’m not.” You lie, again. She rolls her eyes, dropping her head a little more to knock her forehead against yours. “Ow.”

“Be honest with me.”

“I am.”

“No you’re not.” She bonks your head again, “Stop lying.”

“Will you get off me?”

“When we’re done talking.”

“Then yes, I saw Chan’s Wolfgang performance.” She nods, letting go of your hands to sit up properly and crush your pelvis a little more.

“I thought it was pretty hot.” She confesses and you feel something bubble in your chest. You can’t help the slight twitch in your brows and of course she notices. “Ah! Jealousy!”

“I’m not jealous.” She taps your forehead, aggressively enough to hurt a little. “Ow.”

“You can’t lie to a Psychology major.”

“I’m not-” She raises her finger again and you relent. “Alright, fine. Maybe I’m not a huge fan of someone telling me they think my boyfriend is hot to my face.”

“Did you think it was hot?” Your face grows warm and you have to bite back an embarrassed smile.

“I’m not answering that.”

“You don’t have to. You’d be stupid to think otherwise.”

“Especially when he was in the white shirt.” You admit, and she nods.

“You should see if he’ll wear something like that next time you two decide to get all hot and heavy.” Your face flushes again, not really wanting to discuss your sexlife with someone you’ve only actually known for about seven months.

“Um yeah, totally.”

“Oh my god. You guys don’t do stuff!”

“We do stuff!” You defend, immediately regretting it.

“Oh really? Ever used handcuffs?” On him, or me?

“I don’t have to answer that.”

“So that's a no. How about, have you ever sent him a nude?” Oh, if only you knew.

“Get off me.”

“Another no.” She grins, “I’m shocked, he seems like such a feisty boy, you’d think he’d do stuff.” “Seriously, get off.” There’s no humor in your voice now. It wasn’t her place to tell you about your own boyfriend, and you were getting sick of her forcing her way into your love life.

“Oh come on Y/n.” She doesn’t get another word out before you grab her leg and wrench her sideways. Instead of just tossing her onto the floor, you find yourself slamming your hand into the floor by her head, now leaning over her.

“Stay out of my love life, do you hear me?” You practically growl, “I don’t need your help to please my boyfriend.” Her eyes go wide at your words, and you instantly become aware of your positions when a smirk paints itself on her face.

“My, my Y/n. I didn’t peg you as someone who’d be on top.”

“Clearly.” You reply. “Now are you quite done?”

“Have you ever topped him? He seems like the kind of guy who wouldn’t like that.”

“Once again, I don’t have to answer that.”

“You should try it. Something tells me you’ll like it.”

“Shut up.”

“I hate you.” It had been hours since your rather sexually charged conversation with her, and here you were standing at her doorway seeking advice. You hadn’t stopped thinking about what she had said, but in all honesty, Chan was your first, so you had no clue what you were doing most of the time.

“Oh? Is that why you’re looking all lost and confused at my door?” Her voice is sickeningly sweet as she looks at you in the mirror. “What up?”

“I need advice.”

“Wear black, it looks good on everyone.” Her gaze shifts back to her reflection, where she’s curling her hair for a date.

“About Chan.” Her attention turns back to you in an instant and you’re tempted to run back to your room.

“In what sense?”

“What you said earlier.” A wicked grin spreads on her face. “Have a seat darling.” You trudge over to her bed, sitting on the trunk at the end to watch her. “First off, tell me this, who initiates sex usually?”

“He does.” You admit quietly. “Babe, if you want my help, you gotta be able to talk about sex without turning into a tomato. I mean, how are you sexually active and still blushing like a virgin. Next you're going to tell me you only do it missionary with the lights off.”

“Well…” Her mouth drops open in horror.

“Oh my god.” She gasps. “No wonder you’re all annoyed these days. You’re not satisfied.”

“Hey, he gets me off,” You defend, “And he’s very good at it.” You practically swoon just thinking about it. She raises her hands in surrender, but smiles at your answer.

“Have you ever asked him for oral?”

“How the hell do I bring that up in casual conversation? Just “Hey babe, you did wonderful today, do you want to eat me out’.”

“Well if it works.”

“No.”

“Okay, have you ever worn lingerie for him?”

“No, but I did buy something to wear a few months ago.” She nods, approving.

“How come you’ve never worn it?”

“Between Kingdom and the fact that he lives with seven other men, there hasn’t exactly been a time and place.”

“That’s fair. When do you guys usually do it? What’s it like? Just broad details.”

“He tells me he wants to spend the night. I usually get a hotel room, since my parents are still sending me money for rent, and we arrive at separate times. Its usually really sweet and slow.”

“And after?” She prompts.

“We shower, and cuddle. He usually leaves first cause he has practice or something.”

“Ever done it in the shower?” You shake your head, shoulders slumping as you realize how lame everything sounds.

“I really like him, but I think, especially since you said he seems like a kinky type, what if he’s not as into me?”

“I don’t think that’s the case.” She turns her chair towards you, setting a hand on your knee. “I think you’re both too nervous to broach the subject. I know this is your first real relationship, and it might be his too.”

“So, what should I do?”

“Start simple.” She turns back to her mirror, “You should book a room, and jazz it up a little. Rose petals, candles, maybe that set you bought. That way its obvious you want him.”

“That's not a bad idea.”

“Even better! I will go halfsies on one of the fancy hotels with you. I know one that has these huge bathtubs so you can take one together, and the shower has a stone floor, so its not slippery. Oh! We can get you a pretty silk robe, so you can do the dramatic reveal.”

“This sounds like a lot. How about for now, I just do the candles and the set?” She laughs, clearly embarrassed by the way she fiddles with her necklace.

“Sounds like a plan. You can do the big one for your anniversary.” You nod, agreeing with her.

“I can do it tonight, he’ll probably want some stress relief after that performance.” You offer her a sly smile, jumping up to leave the room.

“Where are you going?” She calls after you.

“I gotta go buy some candles.”

Hey lover, come meet me. *Y/n shared her location*

You glanced over at the message again as you adjusted the black lace garterbelt. Sungmi had been right, black did look amazing on everyone. He had read the message, and if you were lucky, he was too busy driving over to text you back. You slid the black skirt up your legs, loving the way it stopped just under the edge of the thigh highs. The last piece was a simple t shirt, it was a little ripped and hung off one shoulder, just giving a slight peekaboo of the bra you had spent way too much money on. If Chan didn’t combust from seeing you in this, you were going to have a fun night.

Carefully you moved your things out of the main room, tucking them in the closet for safe keeping, and began lighting the candles. The sweet aroma of vanilla and lavender wafted through the room as you shut the lights off. You settled on the edge of the bed, taking a few risque selfies to show Sungmi and maybe send Chan later.

And then you waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Babe?

Three hours, that's how long you’d been waiting before you finally texted him again, having run out of excuses for the man.

“Sorry babe, I was working. Do you still want me to come to you?”

Not really, after this long, the wonder had worn off, and you just felt stupid and hurt. Of course he wasn’t going to come if you asked.

No. Its fine.

Actually, I want to talk to you. Are you still at the studio?

You set your phone down, turn the lights back on and begin blowing out candles. You don’t bother changing, just grab your sneakers and your bag before heading out, tucking your key and phone in your bra as you leave the building.

With some take out in hand you make your way to the JYP building, not at all surprised to see several lights still on.

“Woah, hel-lo Y/n.” You instantly smile at Jae’s greeting, which is followed by Brian’s whistle. “You look like a full course meal, girl.”

“Hey boys, what had you here so late, its past midnight?”

“Oh we were just-” Jae glances over at Brian who clears his throat.

“Just working. What about you?”

“Chan’s still working, so I brought some food.” You shrug, heading towards the elevators, “Have a good night.

“You too.” You have to bite your lip so you don’t laugh at Brian smacking Jae’s shoulder, earning a whine from the taller boy.

The lights from the studios are all off when you arrive, but you can see the glow of the computer shining from Chan’s. You knock as you open the door, making him jump and yank his headphones off when the light from the hall hits him. His face lights up in a smile when he sees you. Of course, he’s wearing super tight jeans and a black button up, neither of which were not helping you relax.

“Oh hey baby, I didn’t know you were coming.” He stands to greet you, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek.

“I texted you.” You tell him, which has him looking guilty.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear it when I’m working.” You smile reassuringly at him.

“That's okay, I know, that’s why I just came over.” You hold up the bag of take out, “I also brought food since you forget to eat when you start working.”

“You are the light of my life.” He sighs, kissing you properly this time as he takes the bag. Your heart flutters from his words, some of the butterflies in your stomach coming back from the dead. You sit across from him, stealing his work chair as he spreads the food out on the table and digs in. It takes him a few minutes to notice that you’re just staring, and he finally stops eating to say something, “You okay? How come you aren’t eating?”

“I already ate.” You lie, but he sees right through it, setting his chopsticks down to look at you properly. You watch his eyes rake across your body, finally seeing the lace stockings and the matching bra.

“That’s not it. You’re disappointed.” He realizes, “You looked the same way when you saw I.Ns grades.” He explains before you can even open your mouth to answer. “I know its not our anniversary, and your birthday already passed.”

“Its nothing babe. I just had a stupid idea for tonight.” The words come spilling out of your mouth before you can stop them. He looks at your outfit again and a cheeky smile begins to grow on his face.

“Were you-? But you never-” He lets out a deep breath, followed by a small giggle, which doesn’t make you feel better.

“I should head home.” You spring up, heading towards the door. “Enjoy your dinner.” He catches your arm before you get too far, pulling you back to wrap his arms around you.

“What did you have planned, baby girl?” Your heart flutters at the pet name, and the low tone his voice had taken on. “You wouldn’t have gotten all dressed up like this for nothing.” HIs free hand trails down your side, coming to the edge of your skirt, where his fingers find the skin just above the top of your stockings.

“Maybe I just wanted to make sure you want me as much as I want you.” You confess.

“Baby girl.” His voice is soft now, “Of course I want you.” His lips brush the skin of your neck as he speaks, sending shivers across your whole body.

“Then how come we never do anything interesting?”

“Like what?” Your confidence grows as you turn to face him, looping a finger through the choker he wears.

“Maybe I don’t want to do the same thing every time we fuck.” You can see from the way his eyebrows hike up that he’s startled by your words, hell, you were startled by them. “Maybe I want to see you.” Your other hand moves up to his face, trailing your thumb over his lips. “Maybe I don’t always want to be in a bed, in the dark, on my back. Maybe I want to be in charge.”

“I don’t think you could handle that baby girl.” He bites at your thumb as he finishes his sentence.

“Try me, Chris.” You challenge. His hands come up to your cheeks, pulling you in for a searing kiss. For a few seconds, your brain forgets what you had just challenged. He doesn’t help as he pulls away from your lips, his trailing across your cheek and down your neck.

“Sit.” You order, pulling away, trying to keep your breathing steady and not let on how affected you were.

“Excuse me?”

“Sit. Down.” You order again, shoving him lightly towards his computer chair. He backs up slowly, collapsing into it, eyes never leaving you.

“What are you doing?” He asks as you turn away from him.

“Proving a point.” You declare, the click of his lock emphasizing your words.

“Oh?” You turn back to him, finding him relaxed as ever, watching you with his legs spread wide. You saunter towards him, standing between his legs, hands on the arm rests. “You really think you can handle this baby?”

“If I impress you, you’ll save your work and we head over to the hotel.”

“And if you don’t?”

“You save your work and we head over to the hotel anyway.”

“Bet.”

“You might regret that, baby.” You push on the chair, sending it back until it connects with his desk.

“Oh really?” He asks, as you push his knees together slightly so you can straddle his lap. Your fingers trail from his shoulders down to the buttons on his shirt, popping them open one at a time.

“You talk too much.” You tell him, leaning forward to press kisses along his neck. Just as you hit his pulse point, he hisses, hands coming to rest on your thighs. “Ah ah ah.” You chastise, pulling away from his neck. “No touching.” You pull his hands away, dropping them on the arm rests instead. “Hands to yourself.”

“Oh you are in for it when we get to the hotel.” He groans as you nip at his skin.

“That’s what I’m hoping for.”

#bang chan imagines #bang chan imagine #chris bang imagine #chris bang imagines #stray kids imagines #stray kids drabbles #stray kids imagine #almost smut #goodwriterwithbadhabits

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jflemings · 3 years

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you don’t need to prove yourself to me | spencer reid

summary: the BAU gets called into a local homicide case where all the victims have been women. You end up questioning the unsub and he hits a bit too close to home.

warnings: murder, aggressive tones & language, mentions of violence against women, substance abuse & domestic violence is mentioned, normal cm type stuff ends in fluff tho!

note from the author: This fic might get pretty heavy for some people reading, nothing too major. substance abuse is mentioned as is minor domestic violence but does not go into detail it is just for the sake of the plot. do not read if you feel like you are not comfortable with these topics!

word count: 5k - I am so sorry but this fic wouldn't make sense to make into two parts whoops

“The unsub in question is presumably a white male in his mid to late fifties with some sort of prior anger issues. He may seem relatively approachable at first, often may be charming to people he first meets but has an underlying sense of self rightousness and hatred towards women.” Hotch says before looking at you to continue.

Your attention shifts from your superior to the crowd of police officers in front of you “Chances are he’s a family man, a local. someone who knows his way around the area and can hide in plain sight. Depreciating jokes about women and possibly even a spouse could be in his humor, most likely he holds old sexist values. Grew up in an abusive household or with no mother which is where his lack of respect for women stems from.” you conclude your statement with a scan around the room, getting a feel for the reactions in the crowd before JJ starts to pull you away to a back office where the team has been set up temporarily this morning.

The door closes with a soft click as JJ leans up against it, her hand still on the handle. The sound of shifting papers fills the suddenly very obvious quiet room while you stand at the desk organising the case file and any evidence left on the desk, your long time friend stares at you and you can feel her eyes burning into the left side of your face before breaking her silence.

“Y/N what’s wrong?” the calm tone floats through the room as you stop shuffling papers and look up to the photos of the women on the evidence board before making eye contact with your most respected colleague

“I grew up with these women. One of them was my tutor in math when I was a sophomore, JJ!. To you guys these women are strangers but to me they’re friendly faces whom I’ve been with since I was a toddler and it frustrates me so much to not know if I’m waiting around for a dead body of an old classmate” A breath releases itself from your lungs and a weight has started to lift off of your shoulders and be replaced with a steady hand.

“This sick son of a bitch isn’t going to be doing this for much longer. We’re gonna catch him, y/n and I promise you can be the one to put his head on a stick” Her reassuring gaze and firm but kind smile is enough to put you at ease before Reid comes busting through the door.

His eyes are locked on you

“There’s been an attack” is all he can get out before your blood runs cold and you’re out of the station making a beeline for Hotch in the parking lot.

His back is turned to you but it doesn’t take a genius to know that right now he’s determined to find the unseen before it’s too late.

“Hotch! what’s going on!?” His name desperatly leaves your mouth before you, JJ and Spencer are stood in front of him

“a young woman was attacked two blocks away from her home, she fought back and is okay but may need to be taken to hosptial. She specifically asked for you”

You can feel the colour rapidly drain from your face, your great rate sky rocketing “Where was she attacked?”

“Corner of Anderson and Meyers street”

The street is lined with patrol cars and officers when you pull up with spencer, your hands on the wheel are shaking and white and you can’t control the over whelming feeling in the core of your stomach.

Your blank stare and lack of response doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend of a year. He reaches over to put the car in park and then gently takes your hands off the steering wheel and placing them in his own .

“Y/N look at me. She’s okay. She’s alive and she wants to speak with you. She fought and he couldn’t grab her.” Spencer’s slow tone is attention grabbing enough for your eyes to pry themselves away from the scene in front of you.

His eyes soften when he sees the tears brimming in your own and feels the ever so slight shake coming from your palms. Spencer had seen you cry before, yes, but not like this; the BAU had taken plenty of cases like this one but it was obvious to him now that you had taken this far more personal than he had initially though. His left hand removed itself from yours and brushed some fly away hairs behind your ear before gently resting it on the side of your face.

“if you want, we can sit here for a minute I’ll call Hotch now and tell him to take the lead and we’ll sit and yo-” He begins to ramble and you move his hand from your face so you can ahem his full attention.

“Spence, it’s okay. You and I can go over and speak with the victim; I’m going to be fine” you spoke softly with a smile on your face de before the both of you unbuckled yourselves and headed towards the ambulance parked in front of the corner.

The young woman is sitting in he back of the ambulance whilst holding an ice pack to the right side of her arm. Emily stands in front of her trying to get any information she can when you approach so you can take over.

“Thanks, Em. Reid and I can take over” you say before she puts a hand on or arm and walks away so your undivided attention is now on the woman in the back of the ambulance.

“Hello my name is Dr Reid and this is my partner Agent L/N, you- uh insisted you speak with us” Spencer introduces whilst flicking his gaze from you to the victim.

It’s like a tidal wave of realisation comes over you once you finally get a good look at the person in front of you “Oh my god- are you okay?” both hands grip the woman’s shoulders is utter disbelief and a look of concern is now occupying your features. “Ellie, what did he try to do to you?” the question comes out rushed while your eyes scan her body.

“Y/N! oh my god you’ll never believe it! I was just doing my normal track and when I got to this corner he tried to grab me. He held a knife to my stomach and threatened to stabbed me if I screamed but I couldn't take any chances so I hit him in his ribs and then heeled his toes as hard as I could but he still managed to get me on my arm and hip” She said exhausted, like she had just re lived it right in front of you. Stress crossed her features and her hand gripped her forehead.

You turn to your dumbfounded boyfriend standing beside you and you remembered that he had yet to properly meet your high school best friend.

“Ellie this is Spencer” you gestured to him and Ellie looked like she had finally found a thought that was floating in her brain “My boyfriend spencer” you clarified.

Instinctively, she stuck her hand out for him to shake “Oh of course! You’re the cute doctor” she smiled graciously when he did take her hand while Spence side eyed you.

“Sorry we aren’t meeting under better circumstances” He gave her a tight lipped smile before taking out his notebook “We were just wondering if we could ask a few questions? We’re not too sure we can wait ‘till after you’ve been checked out of hospital” spencer said.

You agreed with him “Did you happen to get a look at his face? or possibly any identifying characteristics” you quizzed while she racked her brain for some answers.

She sighed before answering “His hair was clean cut, like he had just gotten it done and his eyes were kind of deep set- like he hadn’t had a good nights sleep in at least a couple of months” she hesitated before looking at Reid “He wasn’t as tall as Spencer but he still had a bit of height on him, I think came up just past his shoulder” She stopped again and mindlessly scanned the crowd of uniformed officers before she set her sights back onto you. “The shirt Y/N! underneath his hoodie he wore a grey collard shirt that looked exactly like the police uniform”

Spencer’s head whipped around to the crowd of officers, either trying to find your superior or trying to find the suspected unsub. You wracked your brain, thoughts flying in and out of your head a million miles a minute. Nerves once again invaded your stomach and you started to rock from foot to foot trying to come up with someone- anyone- who possibly fit this profile and then it happened.

A light bulb moment. A realisation. A solution to all your problems went off in your brain.

You grabbed the thing closest to you which was coincidentally spencer’s right forearm “Tell Hotch we need everyone back at the station as well as photos taken of all uniform officers from the past fifteen years, I need to get onto Garcia asap I think I know who our unsub is” Your tone was firm and merely unfamiliar to Spencer, you had never spoken to him like that before so he knew you meant business.

You had taken your phone out of your back pocket and turned in the direction of the car, starting to rush away from the ambulance before spencer caught up with you and caught your arm in his hand

“Where are you going?” Once said out loud he knew it was a stupid question and judging by the flat look on your face you did too. he let out a defeated sigh “No, I know exactly where you’re going but I mean what are you doing going back without the team?”

His eyes scanned your face and he dropped his head so the two of you were on the same level “If the unsub is a uniformed officer I’m not letting you go back to the station without the team. We don’t know if he’s out here with us right now or back a the station waiting” His tone was hushed and firm like he wanted to make sure neither of you could be heard but also to ensure you knew that he meant what he was saying.

“Spen-”

“No Y/N” He now stood at his full stature which you were now coming to realise could be quite intimidating “Do not argue with me about this. This guy, animal, absolute son of a bitch targets women, seemingly people he knows. You’re a local and started out as a uniformed officer in this precinct so if you genuinely think that there is even a slither of a chance that I’m going to let you walk back into that station you are very much mistaken” He was confident as assertive when he spoke to you and when he finished his chest started to rise and fall with frustrated breaths.

He had never spoken to you like that or told you what you could and couldn’t do, especially when it came to a case. Spencer adored you- practically worshiped the very ground you walked on- because he had the up most faith in you and respect for you. He was very confident in the fact that you could take care of yourself with or without a gun strapped to your belt.

You visibly deflated and let out a deep sigh neither of you were aware you were holding in. Spencer once again got down to your eye level

“Okay Spence, okay” you reassured him.

You caught sight of Morgan over Spencer’s shoulder and called to him

“Get the team back to the precinct and Garcia on the phone Derek!” your voice caught the attention of Gideon and JJ who was giving you a nod when you turn back to spencer and motion to get in the car.

While stopped at traffic lights Spencer dialled Garcia’s number and put it on speaker phone

“You have reached the resident genius what can I do for you my sweet?” Penelope’s voice sang through the phone and spencer made a face at the use of ‘resident genius’

“Pen I need you to pull up the most recent photos taken of the uniformed officers at this precinct and look for a white man, mid to late fifties with a clean cut haircut, deep set eyes and he’ll have scars that look like fingernail scratches at the base of his neck” you could feel spencer’s curious mind get the better of him when you included that last detail but you were determined not tot make your eyes off the road.

“Bingo baby! Nick Kane, fifty five years old standing at five foot nine with, exactly like you said, three long fingernail-like scars at the base of his neck” she stated a-matter-a-factly

A knowing smile came over your features “pull up anything you can find on him, a record, any house calls or complaints, anything that was maybe payed off or covered up”

“you seem to know a lot about this guy, L/N” Penelope quizzed

Reid could see the hesitation in your eyes as your grip tightened on the wheel

“Don’t question it” you said through gritted teeth

“Oh no I uh- I wasn’t”

Your eyes slightly widened “No pen, not you”

Garcia seemed to understand “I’ll have that faxed over for you my love”

A small smile found it’s way upon your lips “thank you P”

Spencer hung up the phone and looked out his window not noticing the glances you threw his way.

By the time you and Spence pulled up to the station you were in full on work mode. You were practically burning holes into the ground with your feet when you marched up to Morgan and Emily with your boyfriend hot on your heels.

“I need the both of you to get information on Nick Kane’s whereabouts on this afternoon’s patrol. Ask any officers or detectives if they saw him leave the station at what time and if they didn’t ask them when the last time they saw him was” The words tumbled out of your mouth and all your two friends could do was nod

Emily smiled proudly at you “all over it, Hotch is in there now but I’m not too sure he’s very successful” she nodded her head to the back where the interrogation rooms were. Derek nodded in agreement

“Garcia also said that the files you asked her to fax over are ready” Morgan read the text off his phone which earned a grateful smile from you before walking off to grab the papers with all three of your co workers following you with their eyes.

Derek turned back around to face spencer who had worry written all over his face “Alright man, what’s going on? we got the bad guy, no one was majorly hurt today which means you can rest easy tonight”

Spencer came back down to earth at the sound of his long-time friend’s voice. He sighed in defeat “We might have the bad guy, nothing is concrete right now even if he fits the profile, the victim was incredibly lucky that he only got her arm and hip and I can’t rest easy tonight because I know that Y/N is hiding something” Spencer’s hands flailed as he rambled, completely missing the look Emily gave him.

“Hiding something? Spence what are you talking about? If she was hiding something she’d be hiding it from us, not you. I genuinely don’t think theres anything in the world that you don’t know about her” Emily said trying to calm him even a little bit

“I thought you two agreed not to profile each other anyway? wasn’t that, like one of the first things you agreed on even when you were friends” Morgan raised an eyebrow

“This isn’t me being an FBI agent and profiling her, it’s me being her boyfriend and worrying about her. She’s taken his case to heart more than I thought she would. It hits too close to home for her” Spencer concluded while he scuffed his feet at the old carpet floor “And I know that there were women killed that she knew personally but her demeanor changed once she figured out who our potential unsub was and I can’t figure out why...” Spencer begins to trail off when his eyes follow Hotch leaving the interrogation room.

Emily and Morgan follow his eye line and begin to follow after him.

The first thing the doctor notices is that Hotch is more rigid than normal. His brow is furrowed low and his posture is stiff against the table he’s leaning on with his mouth set in a concrete frown and before he can register what just happened in the interrogation room three of his agents are standing in front of them asking for their co worker. A deep and tired sigh can be heard before the trio of agents is rushing toward the room where he just was, JJ and Gideon already watching the scene unfold from behind the two way glass.

A box with the last name Kane scribbled onto the front is slated down on the desk followed by a very angry agent.

The skin around her cuticles is bleeding from being picked at all day but her face is stern and cold so if she truly was as anxious as she had been through the day you would never know.

The dirty cop is relaxed when Y/N sits down in front of him, he’s leant back in the chair with his hands placed on his thighs casually almost as if he’s with a friend or at home and unknowingly to agent L/N her colleagues are less relaxed from behind the glass.

Morgan is first to point out the obvious.

“He doesn't seem nervous or even on edge about being questioned; shows he’s been in that same position before” he states, not taking his eye off the room

Gideon hesitates before he speaks “That’s because he has been: a few years ago he was brought in for substance possession after a bag was found during a warrant in his home”

Derek’s face contorts “why did they have a warrant?”

Agent Gideon doesn’t look at Morgan when he replies “illegal firearm possession as well as concerns of domestic violence both charges were dropped”

Your eyes briefly look up from the manila folder in your hands containing details of each of the murders in you hand to the man sitting in front of you. A picture of a middle aged woman is put directly in front of the officer “I don’t have to ask you if you know who this is because we know you were with her the night before she died” you state

Nick kisses his teeth “yes, I was with her the night before but I was also with her husband”

“her husband who has a solid alibi unlike you” another photo comes out from the folder “she went missing at five am and was found around seven thirty am in a bush, her husband had left for work at four thirty and clocked in five thirty”

Two more sets of photos are spread in front of the offender and he was only yet to shift in his seat. You kept eyeing the other folders in the box, the older ones but you were waiting for an opportunity one where he would just slip up and you’d have him.

Spencer’s nails may have well been chewed to the bed from pure anxiety of seeing you sit in that room. You’d obviously done interrogations like this before but a feeling that spencer couldn’t shake was sitting at the bottom of your stomach.

With Hotch now back in the room everyone was even more on edge.

“He hasn’t said anything useful while she’s been in there?” the monotone voice broke through the silence of the onlooking room.

“Not yet but the more photos she pulls out the more on edge he gets. Not noticeably to anyone but a profiler of course but he seemingly gets a little bit more uneasy every time a new victim is pulled out of the folder” JJ informs. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Reid chewing on his nails while not taking his eyes off of his girlfriend she slaps his hand away and passes a small smile to let him know that you knew what she was doing.

“Reid what’s the matter with you? She can take care of herself” Gideon calmly asks. The debate going on in the youngest team members head is a hard one because on one hand he doesn’t want to sound like a paranoid boyfriend but on the other he needs some reassurance and maybe his superiors can give that to him.

“Y/N has been on edge since we took this case on and I know it’s because she grew up here and there were people she grew up with murdered but since she got the idea into her head that this was our guy I just feel like she’s hiding something” the ramble stops and eyes fall on Reid but his only concern is what Jason Gideon thinks

Jason purses his lips “I know she’s hiding something but thought nothing of it because I was under the assumption that you knew what it was” for the first time since entering the room Spencer and Jason make eye contact.

“Your boss asked me about the scars on my neck”

Reid’s concentration is lost and once again all eyes are back on you

“Did he now?” Your shock is masked by the cold set frown that you’ve had on your face since the minute you stepped into the station.

Kane leans forward over the desk, his hands coming together infant of him “yes he did, was very curious to hear about how I got them which made me think: if Aaron Hotchner isn’t aware of how I got them then certainly your little boyfriend isn’t either” the smirk is set on his face

Reid’s ears perk up

“I was under the impression that you had to have a clean record to go into the FBI work that you do”

you lean forward in the slightest “My record is squeaky clean. Yours on the other hand, isn’t”

Eyebrows raise in surprise.

You pull another folder from the box but this time it’s dated back to seven years ago when domestic violence complaints first started getting called in. First piece of paper is pulled out and you continue to read.

“Complaints of screaming, excessive cussing from two of your neighbours, January 16th 2004, yet again complaints of screaming, cussing and loud bangs July 25th 2004, sudden screaming and what sounded like a heavy piece of furniture falling March 16th 2005, same thing November 21st and 25th, Glass shattering, shouting police are called but nothing gets further done August 2006″ you pause from your reading and look him dead in the eyes.

Left hand rubs forehead

Another folder.

“April 2007 a warrant was issued for your home for suspected possession of substances, charges dropped. Any further domestic violence complaints or charges were dropped after May that same year until September 2009 when your wife was sent to hospital with critical injuries; the matter was under further investigation until early January of 2010 when you wrote a cheque for $14,000 to get those charges dropped and cleared”

Hand rubs scars, obviously a nervous habit picked up after the incident

The man shifts in his seat again “Don’t think I’ve forgotten because I haven’t” the sentence grinds it’s way through his teeth

You merely relax your posture and speak calmly “Not my record, not my problem” a small smirk sits comfortably on your face. “We know what you did to these women, Nick. This case has your name written all over it.”

From the opposite side of the glass spencer wracks his brain to put all the pieces together “not my record, not my problem” he mumbles to no one in particular. The genius looks back on old conversations only to realise one topic that had never really come up in conversation between the two of you.

“The mother” he says out loud. Confused faces cast their attention to the doctor.

Spencer hesitates “When she talks about the record, she’s talking about her mother”

Emily raises an eyebrow “How’d you figure that?”

Gideon intercepts before his agent can even get a word in “You ever seen a man make scratches like that?”

“Know what I did? My family fell apart, I have no one” His hands slam on the table sitting between the both of you “I bet you don’t even know what you’re talking ab-”

This time it’s your turn to slam the desk

“I know damn well about the four counts of aggravated assault against an officer, the drug possession, the attempted fraud! I know every last fucking bit of it! I know you try to pull my brother in here to charge him with whatever you can! the number of vandalism charges and assault charges don’t even scratch the surface!” anger surges through you and suddenly Spencer has it all figured out.

“So what makes you so clean huh? Why does assault cover your immediate families records but not your own huh?!” He spits at you

You’ve had enough

Quick to stand, the chair you were sitting on suddenly slides back behind you, hands are planted firmly on the top of the table and now you’re standing right over him

JJ jumps back in fright straight into Derek who takes no time to grab her and steady her. Emily and Gideon are speechless, not once has anyone seen you react to something like that. Hotch places a firm hand on Spender’s shoulder which ultimately goes unnoticed. He gets it now.

Colour drains from his face

“I’m better at controlling my temper but I’ll still hit you twice as hard” the words flow out of your mouth so calmly anyone standing outside the door might think you were talking to a frightened child.

Eyes search for any sign of remorse and find none

Garcia calls Derek’s phone to let him and the team know that while Ellie had escaped, Nick got sloppy and left something behind.

Gideon’s voice filters through your earpiece “DNA was found on Ellie”

You can’t help but smile

“Your DNA has just been found on your most recent victim Nick, you’ve got nothing left”

Got him.

The box of files is in your hands when you walk out of the interrogation room and practically body slam your boyfriend. Kind eyes look down at you pleadingly “Got given the all clear to go home, do you want to have a chat?” the sentence is just above a whisper but the genuine worried expression etched upon his face is all you need to know.

Spencer starts the engine before driving out of the carpark and onto the road. Thick silence sits in the air and all of a sudden the car feels to small even though you are the only two in it. Mindlessly picking at your fingernails means you didn’t notice Spencer pulling into the McDonalds drive through to order two hot fudge sundaes with extra topping - your tradition after a particularly difficult case. He wordlessly hands you the tray while he picks the furtherest car park in the parking lot and stops the car. You hand him his ice cream and noticing his chewed nails you grab his hand.

“Spence”

“Watching you in there today was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but knowing that you felt like you couldn’t come to me based off of the fact that you thought I-I would be upset or angry or not understanding was something that I don’t know how to deal with” He grabs the ice cream tray off of your lap and places them in the cup holder before unbuckling his seatbelt and turning his full attention to you.

“Y/N you mean the world to me, truly you do, I can’t think of anyone else in this world I would want to spend the rest of my life with so I’m telling you now that I love you unconditionally and I want you to know that even if that didn't happen today and you didn't feel like you would be able to tell me about your family I would happily wait for as long as you needed me to until you felt like you were ready for that and I’m sorry that he felt the need to say it in front of myself and our team.

His hands are cold against your flushed face and you flutter your eyes closed momentarily before looking hime in the eye.

“I didn't want this to affect my work life or the opinions of our team or your opinion of me I was- well I- I hid it because I want to prove to people that I can come from a household like that and still be a good person. a good agent” your confession made his eyes glass over and his smile soften.

“You have proved yourself time and time again to not only me but to the team. You handled it so well today even after what he chose to say to you. Y/N I am so unbelievably proud of you and the person you are, nothing is going to change that” His thumb stroked your cheek before he giggled to himself

“Plus telling him that you could hit him twice as hard was pretty hot I’m not gonna- hey! no! I’m being serious”

The sound of your laughs filled the car and the once heavy feeling was now light and airy when he brought your lips to his.

“Spence, these ice creams are gonna melt and I want to eat them”

#long reads #spencer x y/n #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #doctor reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #pegswrites

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willwriteforhugs · 3 years

Text

how stray kids asks you out <3

skz scenario - all members (individually) x reader

genre: fluff, dating au, angst if you close your left eye

word count: 1.6k (total)

warnings: some cursing, but nothing else :)

a/n: hello, lovelies!! this is my very first (posted) stray kids fic- i hope you all enjoy. it’s nothing major, but i really had fun writing it. if you’ve found me on the explore page, hello! i’m a hot mess. pls validate me by reading what i write.

just kidding.

maybe.

ANYWAYS- please keep in mind that this is written in a totally lighthearted way, and this is 100% fictitious. this is for entertainment purposes only. thank you for reading!

chan:

he is actually so shy about it :’(

but he knows he’s gonna go through with it

cause that’s the kind of person he is

he just wants his emotions to be out in the open

whether the feeling is mutual or not

so he just improvises

he approaches you with completely no context? like he just walks up and starts a convo but you can’t tell why

you think he’s just. being chan

but no

he’s pretty chill, actually

his face is so tho red but he doesn’t know that so don’t say anything

a few minutes in he kinda just snaps because he just couldn’t wait

“y/n-ah, do you wanna- i don’t know, get together sometime? are you free?”

this takes you off guard completely

he misunderstands your reaction *screams*

and he immediately regrets saying anything

but you scramble to reassure him

when you say you’d like to get together, he loses all humility

becomes a total flirt

this flusters you but the two of you have such CHEMISTRY

“so it’s a date?”

“it’s a date.”

minho:

is the type to completely deny his own feelings until the very last minute

plus, tbh

he probably thinks you hate him

so he has a hard time convincing himself to finally ask you out

but when he does...

he just bites the bullet (lmao pray for him)

walks RIGHT THE FUCK UP TO YOU

“y/n.”

when you respond he just kinda:

“will you go out with me?”

you also probably thinks he hates you too (go communication!!)

so you’re just like *surprised pikachu face*

but he just stands there and waits for your response

he’s sweating on the DL

but you kinda just go with it and say yes

he’s hella surprised but doesn’t wanna show his excitement

so he just smirks and is like

“okay. what would you like to do, and when?”

(just because he’s a cocky lil shit doesn’t mean he’s not a gentleman)

but he’s also secretly planning the whole first date in his head

will i hold y/n’s hand? what will they wanna do? should i-

- minho’s brain

(aw)

changbin:

is on the bolder side

(be careful with this one)

(he’s feisty)

he probably let his feelings fester for a long time

so this is overdue

but he spends the whole day shamelessly flirting with you

he finally just asks if you want to grab some food

you don’t even really realize it’s a date until he insists on paying for everything

this makes you all clumsy and embarrassed

but he thinks it’s the cutest shit ever

well now he’s clumsy and embarrassed (sobs)

TECHNICALLY he doesn’t officially ask you out until after this

he pretty much just straight up confesses

the audacity i can’t

“y/n-ah... i really like you- will you let me take you out? on a real date?”

* gesturing to the take out *

he isn’t embarrassed at all

you CANNOT stop looking at his eyes

they’re so genuine and loving that you almost forget to answer

once he gets confirmation he promises to both plan and pay for the whole thing, even as you protest

how are you already in love with this man

hyunjin:

poor hyunjinnie probably spent the last four months trying to decide how to ask you out

he’s been head over heels for you for a while now

and he knows he needs to make his move

(cause, let’s be honest- you’re a catch, and he’s protective. could i make it any more obvious?)

he ends up thinking that just being straightforward is the way to do it

so he spends the whole day just trying to get you alone

this is harder than he anticipated

so finally he just grabs you while you’re in conversation

and goes

“y/n, i’m sorry-it’s important, can i just talk to you a sec?”

you go with him, if not out of pure curiosity

literally the SECOND you’re alone he just swivels around says

“did you know that you are really hard to catch alone?”

and you’re kinda just like:

huh

but he continues

“anyways, i just had a question for you?”

“oh, okay. what is it?”

this is when the nerves hit him

“oh, uh- i guess i was just wondering- if you would go out with me sometime? nothing big, i just-”

you interrupt him without thinking

“yes.”

* cue one completely flustered and w h i p p e d hyunjin *

jisung:

is not shy at ALL

but he wants to make sure you’re comfortable

so he doesn’t make a big deal out of it

he spent a lot of time debating how to do it

but he decides to write a note (so cute)

he waits until you leave the room for a sec

he slips a note into your bag that just says

“date? -jisungie”

with a lil heart next to it

then he panics and just books it

when you find it a bit later you’re initially confused

but then it kinda hits you

you FREAK out and track him down-

only to realize you have no idea what you want to say to him

but he knows you too well

and he just laughs when he sees your face

this makes you laugh too, even though you’re nervous

when the two of you finally recover he’s just

“but really- please? let me take you out.”

you know your face is on fire

so you just nod

but that’s all the confirmation he needs

felix:

king of overthinking

we all know felix has EVERYTHING planned in his head

like, to a T

he’s been very stressed about asking you out, but he also doesn’t want to miss his chance

so he just thinks and thinks and thinks

he just wants it to be perfect for you

he decides to just hang out in the comfort of your home to do it

the two of you are just chilling (y’know. FRIEND THINGS.)

but he is completely in his own head

and you can tell

you get to be a little worried for him, so you just ask:

“hey- are you alright? you seem a little off tonight.”

he turns super pink and tries to play it off

but since you’re a stubborn piece of work, you pry a lil

and he cracks under pressure (I FEEL BAD OMG)

he finally just looks up and snaps:

“y/n- i’m really sorry. i wanted to to this well, and make it cute and romantic and have you fall in love with me in an instant. but you- god, you’re so nerve-wracking!”

you just sit there

completely flabbergasted

he bursts into awkward laughter, and between coughs he’s just like

“y/n, i was gonna ask you out. i’ve loved you for a while now.”

he continues: “but i guess i fucked up, didn’t i...”

you jump and interrupt him

and insist that he was being crazy- what was he doing letting his mind run free with that?

finally, to shut him up, you just lean over and place your lips over his.

seungmin:

is surprisingly confident

but also low-key has no idea what he’s doing

he decides to send you a text

he asks if you want to grab coffee, which you absolutely do

he doesn’t realize until later...

that he didn’t actually specify it was supposed to be a date.

oops.

but he kinda just goes with it, and the two of you maintain good conversation

finally he interrupts you mid-sentence and is like

“y/n, will you answer a question for me?”

you nod, and he continues:

“what is- uh- this- exactly? to you?”

* nodding down at your long empty coffee cups *

you don’t really understand the question (valid)

he kinda just sighs and starts laughing

“well. it was supposed to be a date. i’m just really bad at this.”

you just. cannot believe your ears

he just laughs harder and says

“so. can we try again?”

you start laughing too

and you know that even if it wasn’t the best first date,

you’d felt right at home.

jeongin:

poor baby is SO NERVOUS

he’s spent like,,,,

the last 6 days trying to plan how to finally do this

but he decides to approach you and let it try to come up naturally

you two carry a conversation for a few minutes and then he asks

“so...do you- you know- like anyone?”

your face turns bright red

you can’t stop thinking

does he know oh my god am i that obvious i-

but you end up just looking away and being like

“i mean- i guess?”

he can’t decide how to respond

because on one hand- that person could be him

but on the other hand, it’s more likely that it’s not, and then it would be awkward as hell for him to ask you out

he kinda panics

then against his own will he just goes for it

“y/n-ah. i don’t really know how to say this- but will you let me take you out? i really like you...”

his ears are RED OH BOY

his voice kinda just trails off and you can tell he feels insecure

but when you tell him yes...

he was literally born for this

he gets so excited and doesn’t hide it at all

thank you so much for reading!! p.s. my asks are now open, feel free to send in your requests !

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haechanniesunflowers · 4 years

Text

Y/N's reaction to them being ill after the break up

Notes: this is part 2 of the break up series (is it really a series? Idk man all I know is that mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell)

Warning(s): mentions of self-harming behavior, fainting, hospital, sickness, car accident

To read the break up part click here

Bang Chan

He regretted whatever he said but didn't have the heart to approach you first because he did you wrong by forgetting about the dates over and over again and now, you not being a phone call away was getting to him. So he did what he does best, buried himself in his work :') to forget about the break up. However he let things get out of hand, skipping meals and sleep. The boys didn't think much about it since he normally comes and goes when they're asleep or not at the dorms, anyway. Felix sensed something was wrong when Chan didn't respond to his texts, asking him if he wanted to go out for breakfast, lunch or dinner. He went to check up on him at his apartment, where he sometimes stayed when he didn't feel like coming to the dorms, but he wasn't there so he went straight to the studio. He finds Chan collapsed on the floor. "oh my God, hyung? Chan hyung?" he has Chan in his arms and calls their manager. Chan is hospitalized for dehydration, weakness and over-exhaustion. He doesn't gain complete consciousness, and keeps mumbling your name. Felix calls you to ask if everything is okay but to his surprise, you had no idea about what Chan had been upto for the past month. He meets up with you and you tell him what happened, he tells you about Chan's condition, making your already broken heart, break into finer pieces. You agree to see Chan and when you do, he's awake but looks like he's in a haze. You cry and take his hand in yours, he's attentive now and looks at you with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry" he says bitterly as he sobs. You kiss him "let's forget about it Chris, hmm?" you're both crying but happy to be reunited.

Lee Know

As much as he hates to admit it, he misses you so much. It hurts his pride because he put up a tough front but deep down he's longing for your touch. He's so sad about it and really hates himself for being ignorant and rude towards you, he takes it out on himself by dancing. All he does is practice dance routines everyday. His body is sore but he doesn't stop. With all the physical exercion he's doing, a sweet potato, an apple and salad won't make up for what his body demands. But does he listen to it? hell no. He keeps pushing himself to the edge, until one day, his body's like this ain't it bro and gives up on him. He's walking down the stairs with a bottle in his hand, feeling light headed and he collapses, falling down the stairs. Luckily (not really) Jisung hears his bottle fall on the staircase and goes to see if everything is alright. And everything is in fact not alright. He screams for help, the staff present on the floor all gathering around Lee Know's unconscious body. He's rushed to the hospital where their manager is told that he won't be able to walk or even sit up for a couple of weeks, oh and his right hand is dislocated from the fall. You see it on the news, and you can't stop yourself from going to him. He's laying, upset and angry at literally everything. He doesn't want the boys to see him, they completely understand and decide to give him space, telling him that they will always be here if he needs anything. But he needs you and they can't get you for him can they? They don't have to because you're already in his room, angry crying. "Minho I swear to God" he's really surprised, not expecting you to be here knowing that your pride is as big as his. "y/n you came!" "what have you done to yourself?" "it's really nothing, I just danced a bit too hard" "oh really, then explain that cast on your arm and not being able to sit up" "I fell down the stairs" "oh Minho, you're such a dunbass I know for a fact you haven't been taking care of yourself" "sshhhh please, I'm just glad you're here now" there's an awkward silence. You both say something and stop wanting the other to continue first. He starts "y/n I'm really embarrassed for acting the way I did, umm if you could give me another chance, I promise I..." no wait, he's not gonna repeat his mistakes again, making promises he can't keep. "I really really love you y/n, I feel like a fool sometimes when I absentmindedly think about you. I just want you to be around all the time, you make me happy" you blush at his words and squirm a little with your hands clasped "cute" he says and smirks. "I love you too Minho, I'm sorry for lashing out at you, I want us to be together again" he smiles warmly at you but in true Minho fashion, ruins the cute moment by saying "scratch the back of my knee for me please"

Changbin

He wasn't really ill, he just lost interest in things, not music though, that's his lifeline. The boys noticed that the only time he was not in the dorms was when he had a schedule or when he was busy with Chan and Jisung. Other than that he went straight to bed and didn't talk much. He gave up initiating a conversation, and only spoke when spoken to. Chan was growing increasingly concerned and asked him what was on his mind. He never gave a clear answer, always saying that he's tired or is not in the mood. But since he was behaving like this for almost a month now, it was beginning to effect his relationship with his members. Him and Lee Know would clash often, causing unrest among the group. Minho would always say that he was joking or that he wasn't even talking to him but Changbin was being aloof or rude to him and as his dongsaeng, it was wrong of him. One day Chan sat him down, "tell me what's up" "nothing" "this isn't the Changbin we know. Now I don't know if you've noticed or not and at this point I don't think you even care but whatever is going on with you is negatively effecting the team. If you don't want to talk about it then it's your choice but at least don't make things hard for the team. We can't work like this, this is our brotherhood and..." Chan stops talking when he sees tears in Changbin's eyes. "hyung..." he doesn't want to cry but he does, and reluctantly holds onto his arm "I miss y/n so much, I didn't know it would effect me this much God I'm so stupid. Why did I even talk back" he says, in sadness. Chan comforts him and tells him he'll do something about it. In any other situation, Changbin would've dealt with his problems himself but he trusted Chan and let him help. You got a phone call from Chan at work so you didn't pick up. If you trusted anyone in Stray Kids other than Changbin, it was Chan. So you make sure to call him back during your break and agree to meet with him at a small pastry shop. He tells you about Changbin and how it's effecting the team, making you concerned because that's not your Changbin. You call him later that day and he instantly picks up "hello y/n?" "hey uh how are you?" "I'm good" there's a pause. "I really miss you" he finally says. You're silent. "I know I didn't prooritize you enough and forgot about our dates or even spending time with you and asking how you were and how your day went. Fuck I can't believe it but I ignored our relationship for my own personal gains and that was so wrong and you know what I-"" Changbin" "yeah?" "you're rambling, stop, I love you and I want to get back together but you need to apologize to your members too". 'Thank God' he thought to himself.

Hyunjin

Our boy tried contacting you, but you blocked him from everywhere. He loved you dearly and didn't want to give up on you because he knew you were still in love with him too. It was obvious to everyone that something was going on in his life and he was visibly struggling everyday. Every time he made a mistake in the dance, he would scream and slap his head, Seungmin had to step in and bring him back to his senses. After a little buddy to buddy chat, he poured his heart out, crying harder than ever to Seungmin. He offers to talk to you on his behalf but Hyunjin declines saying that Seungmin doesn't have to clean the mess he made and also you won't spare Seungmin a glance anyway, like once you were done, you don't want anything to do with it. Hyunjin himself goes to your apartment to talk to you but you're not home. He waits for you on the stairs, determined to talk to you. 2 hours in it starts raining and it's so cold since the weather is transitioning for autumn to winter, shit he says but it's okay, he'll still wait for you. 3 more hours pass and you finally show up, passing him because you don't recognize the man sitting in the cold cold rain with his head dipped, wearing all black. You open your front door and hear your name "Y/N i-it's me, hi" he's freezing, your eyes soften and you pull him in telling him to change out of his clothes, handing him a towel. After a while you go to check up on him but he's still in his boxers and undershirt with the towel around his neck. He sees you and says "can we talk please" "no" you say "get dried I'll get you your clothes, I was gonna return them anyway" he starts coughing a little and sneezes, your eyes widen. Did he catch a cold?? you think because he had always been the sensitive type. The next thing you know you're sitting next to him, drying his hair. He grabs your wrist and says "I really miss you" and you fear that he's going to read your face now. He knows you so well after all and catches on, he knows you miss him too. Slowly leaning forward, giving you enough time to react, he goes in for a kiss. You sob in his arms for a while. "Hyunjin don't you ever, EVER leave my side again, I missed you so much you have no idea I was hurting" he sushes you. Now changed to dry clothes you're both cuddling in your bed when you realize something "...uh Hyunjin? did you kiss me after you mf sneezed and coughed??" oops "don't ruin the moment y/n let's be sick and in love together".

Han

You're both gloomy and hurting but that doesn't stop you from acting normal. Y'all literally make people laugh lift the mood and cry yourself to sleep at night. So when you're mentioned by Lee Know in front of the boys, asking how you were, Jisung didn't let anyone find out that you guys broke up, and replied casually that you were doing okay but really busy in your life. He tells him he wants to meet you but Jisung brushes it off saying that he just said you're busy. Lee Know is determined to get Jisung to call you at least and by the end of this, he has his answer. "you guys aren't talking to each other, are you?" Lee Know says proudly. Han gives a little nod, running his fingers through his hair. "hyung I need to clear my head, I'm going on a drive" Han says and Lee Know says "okay but be back in time for the third practice, I'm going to show you guys the choreography I made for the new song". 4 hours later everyone is wondering where Han is. Lee Know says that Jisung will be there, he couldn't have forgotten about the practice. Right? When more time passed, the guys continued without him, since he's not answering the phone either (Chan making a mental note to scold him for it). Finally, annoyed and concerned, Lee Know asks around for your phone number from mutual friends and calls you. "I want to talk to Jisung, give him the phone" is the first thing he says "excuse me?" "y/n it's Minho, I need to speak with Jisung, tell him to answer his damn phone and get his ass back to practice room before I whoop it" "...he's not here, I haven't seen him for a month now" Lee Know's eyes widen "then where did he go". The boys go to the dorms, extremely concerned when their manager calls Chan telling him Jisung got into a car accident. Now there's unrest and anxiety in the dorm. Chan and Minho go to the hospital with their manager. Lee Know already texted you about the details. Luckily he's not severely injured, only a neck sprain and a few bruises, nothing a weeks rest and herbal medicine can't fix. Jisung sees three pairs of eyes all filled with anger and concern. You, Chan and Minho scold him on his way back to the dorms, taking turns to tell him how irresponsible he was and what they're going to do to him once he gets home. But once he gets home, Chan and Minho let you at him first. You scold him again and he apologizes. You know what he's apologizing for so you kiss him with Chan trying not to go aww in the back and Minho making a perverted sound. You know Jisung wants reassurance about the relationship so you say "see you tomorrow" before leaving him with Chan and Minho cracking their knuckles behind a smiling Jisung.

Felix

This little baby will be upset all the time. Growing increasingly hard on himself over the month, being more clingy towards Chan. Like when Chan is just sitting there working, Felix would grab a chair next to him and rest his head on his back. And when Chan shifts in the seat, he would even sit on the floor, with his head against Chan's leg, playing games on his phone. As much as Chan loved Felix relying on him and being soft and clingy, he was on to him. Taking him out to eat one day, he'd ask him about it. Felix got embarrassed and tells him he doesn't want to talk about it right now. After dinner, they went for a walk, talking and laughing. Felix feels happy after so long, hugging Chan out of nowhere telling him how much he appreciates him and his brotherly love. Chan rubs his hair and back, not wanting to ask the question again. It's as if Felix read his mind, "y/n and I broke up" that answers everything. Chan listens to Felix patiently and gives him great advice, telling him that he needs to tell you that if the relationship really has no future, he needs closure, and if there's still hope, you two should sit down and talk (not acting on our own advice are we Chan). Felix texts you that he has something important to say and calls you later to say what Chan said. You thought that was very mature of him, clearly knowing Chan and him had a talk. You two meet, Felix fiddling with his fingers anxiously, not knowing where the conversation will go. "I'm very sorry y/n, I know I neglected you and took you for granted but if you give me just one chance, I will change. I promise to treat you better" you smile at this "Felix, let's not make promises right now, because we don't know what will happen in the future and what our circumstances allow, and I forgive you. I really missed you and your cute snuggles" Felix is shy and you hug him.

Seungmin

He was very understanding of how you felt and what you were going through. He felt it was best to give you space to clear your head so you could figure your feelings out. This is how he thought was best to deal with the situation, to give you all the time in the world while he just waits. But this did not prove to be the best for him as he was mostly lost in thought. How you were, did you eat, how was your day, did you have a shoulder to cry on, were you healthy and happy. He needed the answers, it was making him anxious. So it wasn't long that he started forgetting about things. Always being stressed out about your well-being. He started to lose focus on the choreography which made the others upset. Once, twice, thrice, this kept happening. He was bumping into the others or forgetting his cue. Everyone started getting irritated and it was time for a group meeting. Seungmin was more than embarrassed and was even more embarrassed to state the reason. And when he did, everyone else was speechless. He apologized and promised to stay more focused. After practice he went out for a walk alone. Hyunjin followed him and told him he wanted to talk. He convinced Seungmin to go and talk to you but he said you needed space. Hyunjin was like you got space for a month to decide, it's time Seungmin went and asked you, rather than suffering like this. He went with him there. He was scared to knock on your door so while arguing, Hyunjin knocked the door hard and hid behind the wall. Seungmin did the I'll kill you later son hand action and Hyunjin showed a finger heart. You opened the door, not expecting to see him. To his dismay, you looked weak and exhausted. His smile faded and he felt hurt. "y/n you don't look so good" "hi to you too Seungmin" you say sarcastically. "I don't know what to say y/n I'm here to tell you I'm really sorry for being a jerk and I really miss you, like really really miss you. You've been on my mind all the time and I can't stop loving you. Please forgive me, I want to be with you again, please" you've been waiting for him to say this so you tear up and hug him. "I missed you so damn much baby" you say. "tell her how you ruined the choreography too" Hyunjin says from behind the wall.

He shut everyone and everything out. He acted normal but was numb inside. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He was so happy in his work and with you, what went wrong. The older boys tried talking to offer comfort and help in their own ways. Changbin decided to treat him to Korean BBQ, to cheer him up even for just a little while. They were out, just the 2 of them, eating and enjoying talking about anything and everything. Just as he was drinking coke, his eyes found a familiar face, and with the mental connection you two had, you instantly looked his way. The eye contact you two had was filled with emotions. He could see the stress and hurt in your eyes and you saw the emptiness and longing in his. You got up and so did he, walking towards each other, you both hugged, loving the feeling. You both missed each other so much and the way you hugged each other showed that. He told you he was with Changbin, him waving to you behind Jeongin and you told him you were with your flatmates. Agreeing to meet each other later that night you went back to your tables. Changbin sees the change in IN's aura, he seems happier and less tense. "I'm happy that you're happy IN-ee" IN is all smiles. "listen, if anyone asks, I helped" "ah hyung stop" "okay okay I'm just saying that if someone asks if I helped just say yes" both of them laugh. IN and you keep exchanging happy looks and when you meet at night, you kiss him. "I missed you so much baby" he says to you.

#stray kids au #stray kids reader #stray kids reactions #stray kids #stray kids lee know #stray kids bang chan #stray kids boyfriend #stray kids changbin #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids jisung #stray kids felix #stray kids seungmin #stray kids jeongin #stray kids x stay #stray kids x you #stray kids x female reader #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #stray kids angst

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hotdamnhunnam · 3 years

Text

Suck It Like You Mean It

Part 1 of The Prospect & The President

A/N: Here’s the start of a 2-part series with Jax and a gender-neutral reader, based on the below requests! *The idea is that this fic can be enjoyed from the perspective of any reader, with no reference to gender-specific features.* Anyone reading as a woman can just imagine that SAMCRO admits women! (hard to believe, I know, but hey this is fanfiction 🙃)

Pairing: Jax Teller x gender-neutral reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, dom!Jax, humiliating hazing process, face-fucking and ball-sucking (in Part 1), anal sex (coming up in Part 2) Requests: Request 1 (+ follow-up) and Request 2 from @malethirsty

Word Count: ~2.9k

Note: Anyone reading as a woman can just imagine that SAMCRO admits women! (hard to believe, I know, but hey this is fanfiction 🙃)

So you just drove through town tonight stark naked on your bike. You knew the hazing process would be criminal, to join Redwood Originals, but you had no clue this is what it would be like. By now you’re pretty sure that prospecting for SAMCRO was the stupidest mistake of your entire goddamn life.

“Gave Charming one hell of a view, didn’t you,” the President taunts, as you throw all your clothes back on. Seeing you mortified like this is just what he wants. And to make matters worse, he’s such a fucking flirt, always looking at you like an object of thirst.

Taking a drag of his cigarette, Jax playfully pats the top of your head. “C’mon—you weren’t completely naked...” he says, amused that this task got you so damn upset. “We made sure you wore your helmet. Safety first.”

“Did your ass ever have to do that?” you snap, not afraid to start sassing back at him in front of the rest of the crew. “Tell me, Jax. You must’ve had the easiest time ever, back when you were an initiate. Born into the patch. Bet that birthright took you straight from member to VP to President. You know it’s true.”

He shrugs. Quite clearly doesn’t give two fucks.

You shoot him a resentful glare. “Just doesn’t seem fair. All the shit you put me through...”

“Fair? Ask me if I care,” he snickers. Rakes his fingers through his rich blonde hair. “So what—you wanna see me naked, too? Who knew?”

Ugh. But of course you do. And yes, of course he knew—everyone does, because your crush on Jax is so painfully obvious. The way you turn to mush, whenever you’re together, makes it clear that you’re a slut for Mr. Teller.

“Tell you what: I’ll do you one better,” he offers, stepping closer to surround you in the scent of smoke and leather. “Not just see me naked... maybe I’ll be generous with this big dick of mine and let you touch it. Taste it.”

...um. Excuse me, Mr. President?

His snicker darkens as he sees your bottom lip twitch. “Know you want to, bitch. Just face it.”

“J-Jax, you can’t be serious...”

But of course he is. Blowing a wisp of smoke from his delicious lips, he stares into your eyes and reads all the desires you’ve been trying to keep hidden. “Do you think I’m kiddin’?”

Oh, holy fuck no. He most definitely isn’t.

As you realize that the bastard isn’t joking, your whole throat contracts to swallow down that fact. Dying to swallow all of Jax. You’re fucking choking.

The room falls silent as he reaches for his belt buckle. The tension in the air between the two of you boils over, fucking crackles, as the President takes your initiation process just a step further...

“You want the patch?” he asks, blue eyes piercing and savage, fierce as bloody murder. “I promise this’ll put you on the fast track. Move you up the pecking order.”

Jax is unfastening his belt... then unzipping his fly... and you’re about to melt, to die, whole body aching with the worst thirst you have ever felt. A hopeless puddle of arousal. You cannot think straight at all.

Still with his cigarette in one hand, he reaches the other hand into his unbuttoned pants, now as he issues his command. “All you gotta do is suck my dick and balls.”

Ugh, holy hell... he acts so nonchalant and natural, makes it sound so casual. It’s really not, when you’ve been dreaming of this more than words can tell. You try to brush it off with an exasperated eye-roll. “You are such a fucking asshole...”

“Yeah, what else is new? Being an asshole’s part of being presidential,” Jax reminds you, with a wicked smirk that slices you straight through. “Now just shut up or else I’ll make you lick that, too.”

Oh God. At least he has got to be kidding about that. You should be so disgusted by the thought, of such a nasty act—yet somehow when it comes to Jax... you’re not? Christ, why is he so fucking hot...

Now that the President is really getting down to business, his VP wisely decides this isn’t something that the other Sons should witness. Chibs lets a whistle out and beckons everyone to head toward the exit. “...‘ey, let’s split. Reckon the rest of us got no reason to see this.”

Most of the men are in agreement. One resists.

No surprise who it is; Chibs hollers back at the sergeant. “C’mon, Tig.”

Before he reluctantly heads out with everyone else, Tig lingers to make one small request. In silence, with a not-so-subtle snapping gesture of his fingers, hoping Jax will read his lips. Since he’s the only one who’d have the nerve, to ask for this: Take pics?

Jax reacts with a laugh and a shake of his head. “Fuck off, perv,” he rejects as he puts out his cigarette. “Know you’ve already seen my dick. Caught you staring at it in the bathroom so often it’s sick.”

Tig won’t try to deny that, though he does have something to add. “Sure, seen the President’s big stick... but not Y/N sucking it.”

Fuck this, you think. Already burning up with shame just at the thought of what—of who—will soon be going down: you, on the motherfucking king. You’re not about to do this thing, if anybody else is still around. And so you cross your arms over your chest with an indignant pout. “If he doesn’t get out, I’m not letting your dick anywhere near my mouth.”

The President quirks up his brows, quite amused and a little aroused, at the sight of you putting your foot down. To him it’s hilarious seeing you take a stand, when he is clearly the one in command.

At least in this instant, his own preferences align with your demand. “Well, you heard Y/N,” he tells the sergeant. “Get the fuck out, Tiggy. Now.”

Jax spoke that last word in a loud, threatening growl that has Tiggy obeying all too quickly. Hauling ass out of the clubhouse.

And at last you and Jax are all alone here in this room, just you and him. Your poor heart pounding like a drum. So damn turned on that one more word out of his mouth will probably make you fucking cum...

Jax knows it. Knows the force of his presence is already taking you over the edge. And shows it. Gets off on exerting his power like this, such a natural-born alpha male dom. His big dick energy is so raw, and so rich, it drops your jaw and strikes you dumb. “Why aren’t you on your knees yet, bitch?”

Well, there it is. Of course those are the words this dirty bastard says. Your underwear’s a mess. What little was left of your dignity just shattered, and the worst part is... it doesn’t even matter. Honestly couldn’t care less.

You lose all sense of feeling and control over your own damn legs. Instinctually kneeling down before the Pres. Helpless to do anything else, because he is a living breathing god of sex.

“How long you been dreaming about this?” he teases, smirking down at you as he eases his jeans down his hips.

At the promise of Jax Teller’s dick—so delicious, so big... you’re unable to keep your tongue from hanging out over your lower lip. But he stops just before you can hope to catch a precious glimpse of the tip, sticking out through his boxers. Wicked motherfucker.

He laughs down at you as your breathing starts to splutter. Humiliating and degrading you like none other. “Answer the question, cocksucker.”

You try to act as if you have a little fight left to resist... resist all this, although you both know that is blatantly untrue. Of course you don’t. The words escape you in a filthy little groan. “Fuck you.”

“Mmm, fuck me? Yeah, bet you’ve been dreaming of that, too,” Jax taunts as he suddenly grabs your head, pulling your face toward his crotch roughly. Rubbing your face on the denim. The feel and the smell of him... God, every damn thing about him is knocking you dead. “If only you’d be so lucky. You should know it’s a privilege just to suck me.”

“Yes, sir,” you answer, too far gone to try to pretend any longer. Sighing in pleasure, as you let yourself surrender to your hungers. “Yes, I know...”

“There we go. Finally some honesty from my cocksucking hoe,” he snarls, as he pulls down his boxers and jeans, releasing the object of all of your dirtiest dreams: his huge cock and his heavy balls. So proud and powerful and presidential. He fucking beams, knowing you’re gonna take it all. “Now go on and blow your way into SAMCRO.”

You moan in bliss, leaning forward to lock your lips around the tip. Swirling your tongue along the slit, to lap the luscious bit of precum leaking out of it, so desperate to devote your mouth to taking every precious drop that drips...

Jax grunts and bucks his hips—he obviously knew that you were thirsting for this dick, but had no clue you would be this enthusiastic.

You can’t be any other way when his dick looks and tastes like magic. Your reaction is orgasmic. Popping your lips off of the tip with a loud slurping sound, you take a second to throw your head back, just to soak in his mind-blowing flavor, to take it all down. The sweet flavor of Jax. Made to be fucking savored. You reach up toward his massive dick and wrap your hands around, unable to believe your luck.

“Ugh, Jesus fuuuck...” you groan in ecstasy, obsessed with him like crazy. Practically cumming already. Just one taste and you’re addicted to his cock.

Jax seems to be digging this too, blue gaze dark with arousal as he towers over you, loving the view. The look in your eyes and the lust in your voice... he gets off on seeing and hearing how much you enjoy being his little fucktoy. On knowing your mouth is about to get fucking destroyed. So completely and utterly fucked. Seeing you down on your knees, so damn eager to please, has him hard as a rock.

He’s so big it’s a motherfucking joke. Just the sight makes you want to choke, and you can’t wait to have him buried in your throat.

With his enormous girth encircled in your fists, you slurp another drop of precum off the tip, licking your lips, and start to stroke. Using your hands to warm up, till you’re all set to deepen the blowjob. To guzzle and gag as you swallow him all the way back. “Holy shit, Jax—I can’t believe we’re doing this...”

“Better fucking believe it,” he teases, gloating in the fact that your fate is now sealed as his cocksucking bitch. For so long you’ve been dreaming of catching just one precious glimpse of the President’s dick; there is no going back now that you’ve finally seen it. Especially not with the words that he says right this minute. “Suck it like you mean it.”

His wish is your goddamn command. You would do anything for this absolute god of a man.

On the instant, you drop both your hands, to start cradling his bulging balls... as you gape your mouth wide, taking his throbbing cock deep inside... going straight for the goal to devour him whole, till his dick hits the core of your soul, getting off on the thrill of it all. His grip tightens around your skull, holding you firmly in place. There is no time to waste. You need Jax to start fucking your face, dominate and degrade you in all of the dirtiest ways...

And he does. Fast and rough, just the way that you love. Jax has secretly always been wanting this too, ever since he first met you. It’s your face he sees every time he jacks off.

Now it’s your face he sees as he splits it in half with the force of his thick veiny shaft. Driving into your throat till you gag, moaning as he feels the muscles of your mouth contract, swallowing hard to feed your thirst, cheeks hollowing around his massive girth, milking his cock for all it’s worth, until he fucking bursts. Groaning and gulping all around him as you strive to take him further back, ‘cause you can’t get enough. You’ve never been so fucking stuffed... but the cockslut inside you won’t be satisfied till he fucking erupts, filling you up.

“Jesus Christ...” he sighs, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. Struggling just to hold back the tides. If he dares to look down now and meet your adoring gaze, honestly might explode just at the sight. God, his balls are already so full and so tight...

At the thought, you recall that his orders had also included you sucking his nuts. And you have to obey your god, no matter what. That’s your role, as the President’s slut.

Jax’s grasp on your head has weakened, for a second, as he tries to focus on holding himself off from blowing his load. So you suddenly take the chance now to remove his huge dick from your dirty whore throat. Drop your mouth toward his balls, to suck on them just as you were told.

You start slobbering over them one by one, servicing them with your tongue. Loving the way he smells and tastes, rubbing them sensuously all across your face. He looks down at you now as you gaze up at him with insatiable lust and passion, hoping desperately that you are serving your king to his satisfaction. You most certainly seem to be, judging by his intense gasping reactions.

“Holy fuck, Y/N... so good... oh God—so fucking hot...” he grunts, gripping his dick as you keep worshiping his balls with your slick tongue, biting his lip as you take both of them inside your mouth at once. It’s no secret that he’s been with hundreds of whores, but there’s no mouth or cunt he’s ever fucked before that’s been as mind-blowing as yours. You’re taking him up to heaven with this face-fucking, ball-sucking blowjob. “Ugh, such a perfect little slut... giving me everything I want... don’t fucking stop...”

Grabbing onto his muscular thighs for dear life, mouth stuffed full of his nuts like a good little slut, you look up, to deliver a silent reply with your wide open eyes. A promise of submission to Jax Fucking Teller: Yes, sir. Won’t stop ever. I live for your pleasure. Won’t stop serving you till I die.

By now the President is riding high, and needs your mouth back on his cock to suck him dry. You’re both so horny you could die. He looks so fucking hot like this, so gorgeous you could cry—strung out and openmouthed, breathless, his golden hair a goddamn mess, loose strands falling to frame his flawless face, as he stares down at you with his blazing blue gaze.

He explodes just as soon as your lips wrap around him again. And it’s literal fucking heaven.

“Fuuuck, Y/N...” Jax euphorically groans as he blows his huge load, shooting rope after rope of his thick creamy cum straight down the back of your thirsting throat. Holding you close, fucking crushing your nose, smushing your bottom lip up against his balls, as you drain every drop out of them just to swallow it all. All your senses are flooded with his luscious taste and his rich musky scent and the sound of him screaming your name. You’re officially Jax Teller’s cocksucking slut and have no fucking shame.

At some point your hands ended up in your own pants, in these last few moments. Your mind is so lost that you’re not really sure when it happened, but from the wetness in your crotch, you know this much: he’s definitely not the only one who came.

Once he’s finally done, you just cling to the hope that this wasn’t all some sort of game, just for fun. For the sake of humiliation, as a part of your SAMCRO initiation. Surely that had been Jax’s intent—but now, given how everything went... will he still be determined to pretend? How can the two of you go back to being nothing more than friends? The lowly little prospect and the high and mighty President...?

A knock at the door interrupts your thoughts all of a sudden, followed by a familiar Scottish voice. “Ye done in there yet, Jackie Boy? Urgent club business just came up. Needs your attention.”

Jax swipes his palm over his sweat-beaded forehead and clears his throat. Meanwhile yours is still deliciously coated with all the cum you’ve swallowed. Still kneeling in your position of submission, still in love with his perfection...

“Y-yeah, we’re done,” he stammers out, swiftly sliding his softening erection from your mouth. Pulling his jeans back on. Pats the top of your head, the way he does so often. Maybe you could take it as a gesture of affection, yet somehow right in this moment, it just makes you feel like nothing but his filthy little pet. His dirty little whore. Of fucking course.

Before he heads toward the door, to tend to more important work, the President flashes you a smirk, and finishes this business with four words. So cold and short it fucking hurts. “Thanks—that was fun.”

And then he’s gone.

***************

... Continued in Part 2!

Hope you enjoyed this, and would love to hear if you did! ✨

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chalkrevelations · 3 years

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So, Word of Honor, Episode 36 (and “Episode” 37) again, because I want to do a little bit more unpacking of this, particularly with some of the extra material and information that people have been able to point me to.

Spoilers, obvs. For right now, I mainly want to pull out this bit of my initial reaction to 36 & 37, because I think it remains a key point for me:

It would be nice, though, if the connective tissue from 36 to 37 made any sense. Or existed whatsoever. Just, like, throw me a bone, show, some kind of explicit hand-waviness that actually gets mentioned for why Ye Baiyi apparently was not as smart as he thought he was and didn’t really know what he was talking about when he was doomsaying about how one of the pair will surely, oh surely perish. None of this “Sooooo, they managed to figure out the technique and master it?” from some random shidi who never actually gets an answer. I mean, the door was left open for fanwankery on this one, with what looks to be a very last-minute conceit of all this being a story told by grown-up Chengling to his disciples, which begs the question of how much of what he’s telling them is totally accurate, given any number of issues …

I do feel like there’s an interesting meta thing going on here, in that the entire show has been about – let’s be honest, it was never really about the plot – queer-coding this couple in ways that supposedly fly enough under the radar that people can handwave them as Just Good Friends and Brothers (I mean, I guess) with a Bury Your Gays tragic ending (ugh) for good measure. And Chengling is telling a story in-universe that seems to conform to some of this same formula. And yet, we all know well and good that these guys were husbands … So are we supposed to carry the same assurance out of the show, on a meta level, that what appears to be happening in the story at the end of Ep 36 – what we discover we’re learning through Chengling’s story-telling, isn’t really the truth? Just, look: While we’re getting the Good Friends and Brothers push, there’s stuff like obvious voice-over work that doesn’t match the much more queer version of what the actors actually said, which is apparently blazingly clear to any viewers who know Mandarin and can manage to lip-read. The show has literally put de-queered words into these characters’ mouths. You can’t trust what you hear. But apparently the show has also made this obvious enough that, if you’re a good enough speaker of the language the show is being told in, and you have a good enough eye, you can see what is actually going on. Are we being taught to trust our eyes more than our ears, are we being told that what we’re being told – by the end of Ep 36 on a meta level, by Ye Baiyi-through-Chengling’s-story on an in-universe level, and by what we learn about what happened from Chengling’s story, itself, also on an in-universe level – is inherently untrustworthy, but that if we “speak the language” of this show well enough, and have a good enough eye, we can decode it and see what “actually” happened and is later made explicit in Ep 37?

So, that’s a lot, but the reason I wanted to pull it back out is because I feel like this no-homo, surface-level, smoke-and-mirrors effect that gets layered over a queer bedrock of “reality” is precisely what the show did with its ending, and I want to approach that on a couple of different levels. Particularly since I’ve seen several reactions from other people who didn’t seem to have seen/didn’t have access to the extra of “Ep” 37, or who also found it difficult and vaguely unsatisfying to make the leap from Ep 36 to full belief in, and commitment to, “Ep” 37.

When I first posted this, I was really leaning on the idea of a classic Rashomon effect, given that we see – imho – a final Zhou Zishu/Wen Kexing scene in Ep 36 that’s filmed to lead us to believe that Wen Kexing died, with a subsequent cut to Zhang Chengling wrapping up a telling of the “story” of ZZS and WKX to his disciples. The easiest fanwank on this is that all of what we’ve seen so far has been Chengling telling the story of ZZS and WKX to his disciples, making him an unreliable narrator who in fact doesn’t know the truth of what really happened. I was actually reminded of the contrast in The Untamed (god, I don’t need to warn for spoilers for The Untamed, do I, we’ve all seen Chen Qing Ling at this point, right? Anyway, SPOILERS FOR THE UNTAMED) between the cliff scene in Episode 1 when they make it look like Jiang Cheng stabbed Wei Wuxian, leading to his fall off the cliff, and you go back later and realize this is the version that the storyteller was telling to the people in the teahouse vs. Episode, god, what is it, 33? When we see the cliff scene in “real” time, and discover that’s not what actually happened, that what happened is that Jiang Cheng stabbed a rock and Wei Wuxian shook himself free of Lan Wangji’s grip to fall to his death. You can’t trust what you hear. Also … well, we’ll get back to Chengling in a minute.

The second level of uncertainty to unwind is Gao Xiaolian calling bs on Chengling’s story. So, I felt like the kid who’s practicing his forms in the snow and being coached by ZZS in “Ep” 37 might actually be someone, not just a random kid, and that might be important, but I could not for the life of me figure out who he might be. I wasn’t aware until I watched some of AvenueX’s wrap-up of the show (I think that’s the first place I heard this info pointed out) that this kid is supposed to be the son of Gao Xiaolian and Deng Kuan, and the dad who comes to take him home is Deng Kuan (formerly Da-shixiong of Yueyang Sect, who – let’s face it – Gao Xiaolian really wanted to marry). Seriously, I spent so much time making fun of ZZS’s stupid facial hair tricks in this show, and then they actually do just put a dumbass mustache on a guy, and I completely don’t recognize him. I have to admit, the mustache threw me enough that I had no idea that was Deng Kuan (well, and maybe only seeing him for three episodes also helped). But if that’s Deng Kuan, and if the kid is his and Gao Xiaolian’s son, then she would have some reasonable standing to know a story detailing WKX’s death was bs.

Finally, and most crucially – thanks to everyone who directed me to resources (including AvenueX and other fans who were able to do some translation) who were able to talk about the voiceover work in this final ep, because when I talk about how you can’t trust what you hear, but if you speak the language well enough and have a good enough eye, you can catch what’s really going on? When I talk about de-queered words being put into these character’s mouths? Apparently, this is what happens to Chengling in the final scene. That last scene - and the story he tells his disciples - apparently DOES provide the connective tissue from Ep 36 to Ep 37, but you can’t trust what you hear. Apparently, this is one of the places where you can see something different from what you hear if you’re able to lip-read, with Chengling telling the disciples something much closer to the idea that two people who love each other equally can equally support each other through this cultivation technique and both come out alive.

In the AvenueX discussion of this (Livestream #21, starting around 1:22:30), there’s an additional tidbit about the use of the word “cauldron” – I believe by Ye Baiyi - to describe one person in the pair, a word with a specific and widely-understood meaning within the genre that’s not necessarily known outside of the genre with, yes, sexual connotations. (Come on, slash fans, don’t tell me you don’t giggle every time you pass a perfectly innocent Jiffy Lube auto shop, at something that the mundanes don’t think twice about.) Apparently, “cauldron” is in the script, I believe it’s in the English subs, and it apparently was in the original Chinese subs, until too many people started talking about it and how it had been slipped past censorship, because it’s a perfectly common Jiffy Lube auto shop, right? and then it appears Youku went back and changed the character in the Chinese subs to something that doesn’t even make any sense. So again, we get an example of a case where if you’re a good enough speaker of the language this show is being told in – in this case the vernacular of wuxia – with a good enough eye, you can catch what’s really going on. Something that then gets no-homo’d. And has some nonsensical de-queered meaning laid over top of it. How many times do we have to do this until we learn the lesson that you can’t trust what you hear?

ANYWAY, I’m wondering if the visuals are important, too: Something we see in the last scene with ZZS and WKX in Ep 36, when WKX is either unconscious or dead (CLEARLY UNCONSCIOUS), is that ZZS – twice – doesn’t let WKX’s hands fall. He catches him by the wrists and then catches him again by the hands as WKX’s hands start to slip away from ZZS’s hands – aaaannnnd end scene. I have to wonder if that’s not a subtle but important detail, that we see ZZS refusing to let WKX physically slip away, and maybe, by implication, refusing to let WKX slip away from him into death.

Also, again with Ye Baiyi – in the flashback when WKX is yelling at ZZS, Ye Baiyi says “No one dies!” as he comes bursting into WKX’s sickroom. And then even reiterates it – “No one dies before me!” But then the voiceover during the qi transfer, he’s supposedly going on about here’s how WKX is going to have to kill himself to save his husband? I think the script has dropped the ball in a few places, but that would really be a tremendous flub. That also deserves some unpacking, but I’m running out of free time right now.

So, just some additional thoughts. I will probably have more, but next up, I think, will be a re-watch from the beginning.

One last thought, tho’: What’s the likelihood that Nian Xiang is Actual A-Xiang and Goa Xiaolian’s/Deng Kuan’s kid is Cao Weining, reincarnated?

#zhou zishu #wen kexing #zhang chengling #gao xiaolian #deng kuan #ye baiyi #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

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seriouslyhooked · 3 years

Text

The Bast Bad Idea (Part 2)

Three-part CS AU where Emma and Killian are doctors working at the same hospital (world without pandemic). They’ve yet to meet, but Emma has definitely seen the sexy Dr. Jones in her travels at Mist Haven Medical. It’s generally a bad idea to get involved with a colleague, but a little fantasizing never hurt… right? Inspired by the song ‘Bad Idea’ by Ariana Grande and a TV couple who set the bar for true love stories.

Part One Here. Story available on FF Here and AO3 Here.

A/N: Hello everyone! First and foremost, I want to start with a huge thank you to all of you who have reached out about this story. The response was so far beyond what I was expecting, but I am thrilled to know that all of you enjoy a CS Doctor AU as much as I do. As someone who grew up watching Grey’s Anatomy, it’s essentially engrained in my DNA to love a medical romance, and this story is one I have wanted to write for a long time. I’ve had more than a month away from writing thanks to my busy schedule, but finally my muse came to play and add a bit of fluff to this sweet short story. Chapter two picks up with a critical question – what was Dr. Jones going to propose to Dr. Swan…? Without further ado, here is our answer. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

“This might be presumptuous of me, love, but I find I’m helpless to resist. I was wondering – that is, I was hoping that perhaps, you and I, we could…”

His eyes strayed down to her lips, and Emma wet them absentmindedly. She heard a low growl, and realized it was coming from Killian. She shifted in her seat, turned on in a way she had never been before. Instinctively she moved closer, sensing the sinfully sweet current between them, like lightning just before it cracked across a summer sky. The instant attraction was breathtaking. It felt almost out of time and space.

“We could…” she continued, nudging him along and hoping he would elaborate. She wanted so badly for him to say aloud what she herself was wishing for.

Yet where Emma expected words, she was instead met with action, tantalizing and surprising, but inspiring something in her she never expected. Before she knew it, Emma was in Killian’s arms, aching for this moment, kissing him and knowing she was positively senseless. All that existed was this kiss, this touch. It was electrifying and invigorating, a blaze rushing through her blood stream that emboldened a part of her she’d always held back. Desire. That was what this was, and it was luscious and intoxicating.

Following his lead, Emma broke away from the kiss only to gasp for air as he crowded her body against the wall. The hardness of the cement blocks behind her, coupled with the heat and definition of Dr. Killian Jones was too much to handle. She arched into him, striving for contact, and reveling in the feel of his skin on hers. The only problem was these damn clothes between them. Never in her life had she been irritated at this doctor’s coat she’d worked so hard to earn. For years she studied and poured everything she was into medicine, all for the authority this coat portrayed, but she practically purred when Killian stripped hers off and tossed it to the ground. Pushing his off of his body in return made her mind race. The muscles of his chest and arms were driving her to distraction. Then they flexed, and she swallowed harshly, earning a deep, decadent chuckle from this man who drove her crazy.

“See something you like, Swan?”

God that cockiness. They’d never had any kind of real conversation before now, but the way he smiled spoke volumes. His air and his persona were dripping in assuredness. Emma used to think that she hated so much confidence, but when it came to Killian, she craved it something fierce. It was somewhat infuriating, the way his eyes shone with mischief and conceit, but it was also hotter than anything she’d ever known. Still, part of her would rather die than admit that aloud. She had her pride, no matter how wrapped up in this moment she may be.

“It’s hard to say,” she replied, her voice sounding out with a shredded silkiness that she’d never heard before. “I haven’t seen much of anything yet.”

“My apologies, love. Allow me to rectify the situation.”

Emma watched as this ridiculously attractive man purposefully teased her. With deft fingers he reached for the base of his scrub top, inching the material higher up his body. The trail of dark hair he revealed was evocative, but it held no candle the shape and tone of those abs underneath. Sweet Jesus, were those real? Emma bit back a groan at the sight, her lip pressed tight between her teeth. It took everything in her to keep her hands from reaching for him. She lay them flat on the wall behind her at her sides instead, but they balled into fists unconsciously as Killian eventually tossed the shirt away.

His black hair was mussed now, both from removing the scrubs with that always-present swagger, and from her fingers having run through it during their never-ending kisses. His eyes were dark navy blue, but still they shone with hunger and delight. His grin was a mix of charming and predatory, but instead of inciting a fight or flight response, Emma only wanted to surrender. This was a man who knew he was in complete control. He had hooked her, totally and beyond any shadow of doubt, and all she wanted was for him to have his way with her.

The curses he whispered while helping her shed her own scrubs were like prayers on high, a sweet song to her ears that only added to his allure. Killian’s eyes never strayed from her, but his reactions were so open and transparent. He hid nothing, allowing her a glimpse to the world inside, and it caused the power between them to shift. If Emma was being hunted, then she was also hunting in return, and Killian seemed ready to be caught.

“Emma, I -,”

His voice faded out, and she struggled to hear him. Instead, there was a blaring alarm. Was this a fire drill? Why had the light in the room gone hazy? Still, Emma heard herself whisper his name.

“Killian?”

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

The screech of the sharp, incessant chiming by her ears wrenched Emma’s eyes open, and immediately she groaned in disappointment. All of that – every exquisite moment – was a dream. Ugh, of course it was! Because this was her life now: fantasizing about a hot trauma surgeon ceaselessly and wishing that her memories of him were more than mere imagination.

“Damn it,” she muttered aloud, covering her eyes with her hand in frustration. With her vision blocked, Emma was more aware of the feeling that her body was wrapped up in her sheets. She’d obviously been tossing and turning through the night, restless in ways she rarely was before seeing Doctor Jones. These freaking dreams just felt so real, and they’d only gotten worse since officially meeting him.

That was three days ago now, but things had been chaotic in the meantime. The level four trauma that came in when they’d been formally introduced totally swamped the ER. Emma was called down for consult on multiple patients, needing to give life and death assessments and treatment plans for half a dozen people. While down there, Emma had the chance to see David and Killian in action. She was struck, even in the grips of adrenaline, by their cohesion and capability. They were cool and collected, battling odds that were dire to say the least, but they prevailed. Emma had worked for years to hone her craft, to heighten her skills, and to meet the moments of medicine that her work provided. But the energy in the ER had shifted, and she felt her own abilities elevated by the camaraderie and collectiveness of everyone in the hospital.

That shared experience only lasted a short while, for after initial inspections and emergency consults, Emma was quickly rerouted to the surgical wing. For 16 hours straight she worked to save the lives of four people, and through something that felt like magic, or maybe divine intervention, she was successful each and every time. That good fortune held, not only for her, but for all of her colleagues as well. The hospital had managed something next to impossible – they had saved every victim of the horrible accident, but the work had been backbreaking. When she’d finally scrubbed out of her last procedure, Emma admitted defeat, heading home and sleeping for twelve straight hours.

Her next shift was markedly slower, and Emma had the chance to see the progress of her post-op patients, and to connect with the others in her unit. It was critically important that the doctors, nurses, admins, tech teams, and other staff were all feeling strong and secure. Patients needed everyone working as a collective whole, and Emma took it upon herself to monitor that. It was unusual for a Doctor, especially one who wasn’t overseeing daily operations, but it mattered to Emma. Saving lives took so much more than her medical degree and steady hands. She needed each and every person in the cardiac wing to be successful, and she valued every one of them for what they brought to the team.

Unfortunately, while Emma’s day was slower and steadier, there was also a favorite element now lacking. She wasn’t too proud to admit that she’d willingly joined Ruby on the daily trip to the coffee cart. Actually, she’d been the one to page Ruby this time, earning more than a bit of teasing from her best friend, but Killian and David never showed. Only later, when Emma was at the tail end of her workday and helping with a consult in the ER, did she learn why.

“He was here for sixty-eight straight hours,” David said bluntly, after having confirmed his diagnosis for a patient presenting with a blood circulation issue.

“I’m sorry?” Emma asked, confused for a moment at David’s turn of topic.

“Killian,” David said, prompting Emma’s face to heat. Here she was, hoping it wasn’t totally obvious that she was looking for a man she hardly knew beyond imaginings, but David had seen through her in a matter of moments.

“Oh, um – that’s, well that’s… crazy. Sixty-eight hours?” That beat even her record, and she’d been called a workaholic on more than one occasion.

“Mhmm. We were on the end of a twelve-hour shift when the call came in and he stayed, until every last patient in the trauma department was seen and attended to. I left for eight hours and was dead to the world the entire time. Still felt laggy when coming back. Meanwhile, he caught maybe four hours sleep total interspersed between rounds, crashing in on call rooms. You’d never know though. He was totally unfazed. Brilliant as ever. It was like being back in the field again.”

“Seriously?” Emma asked, amazed at that. She was no stranger to long shifts, but to work that hard for that long was a herculean feat. Somehow, though, she wasn’t surprised to hear Killian had pulled it off.

“Yup. I had to force him to go back to his hotel. Actually, Regina had to. I tried, but until the Chief said something, he wouldn’t budge. She had to spew all sorts of protocol and legal jargon at him to get him to go. Even then, I could tell he was debating whether to stay or not.”

“He has a real connection with his patients,” Emma commented, vocalizing a fact she’d ascertained by watching him in action. Killian cared deeply, and while his main job may be all about stemming the flow of crisis, and bouncing around from one case to the next just to keep people holding on, he kept track of all those he helped, and invested in each patient no matter what.

“Maybe. I think it had more to do with the fact that it was only eight am and you wouldn’t be at the coffee stand yet.”

Before Emma could respond, David was paged for something else. He’d left her with a polite goodbye, but also a knowing smile. Another time, Emma might have tried to fake that she wasn’t interested or deny that there was something between her and Killian, but instead she was too busy fixating on what she’d just heard. Emma carried David’s assessment around with her for the rest of the day, well after leaving the hospital and heading home. She spent the night wondering if what David said was true. Was Killian as interested in her as she was in him?

“This might be presumptuous of me, love, but I find I’m helpless to resist. I was wondering – that is, I was hoping that perhaps, you and I, we could…”

“We could what?” she whispered, getting out of her car, heading inside to her next shift. “What was he going to ask me?”

“Did you say something, Emma?”

Emma jumped at the unexpected question, senses on high alert as she stood before the elevator in the parking garage. When she found Mary Margaret only a few feet from her, and clearly the orator of the previous question, Emma relaxed slightly. She tried her best not to show her embarrassment, but it was difficult. Now she was talking to herself? Jeez, she was truly losing it at this point.

“Oh, uh, nothing. How are you today?” she asked her friend. Mary Margaret smiled widely. Her excitement was palpable, filling up the elevator car as the two of them stepped inside.

“I’m great! Just eager to get to work.”

“Any interesting cases on the schedule?”

“Oh, uh, sure, there’s a few, I guess. Well really most of my day is going to be in consult with the Chief’s office.”

“Wait a second, you have to spend a prolonged period of time with the Evil Queen and you are smiling? Who are you and what have you done with Mary Margaret?” Her friend now looked flustered, clearly trying to grasp at an explanation and then it dawned on Emma. “This is about David isn’t it?”

“David?” Mary Margaret asked, her pitch higher than it had been just moments ago. Emma laughed at her friend’s terrible play acting. Trying to pretend that this wasn’t about David Nolan was a lost cause. Eventually Mary Margaret realized that, and she sighed, releasing the tension in her shoulders as she exhaled. “Okay, yes, I am seeing Dr. Nolan today.”

“Let me guess, he’s also going to be at the admin meetings.”

“They’re about coordinating long term therapies better with our emergency protocols and treatments. So yes, the head of the ER is likely to make an appearance.”

“I see,” Emma said, biting back a smirk so as not to make Mary Margaret too uncomfortable. In the end though her curiosity won out, and she had to ask. “So, any movement there?”

“Movement?”

“Has he asked you out yet?”

“Not exactly.” Emma waited for her friend to explain herself. Mary Margaret held off for a few seconds before blurting out the truth. “I actually asked him.”

“Really?” Emma was shocked. Not because she thought any less of Mary Margaret. In fact, quite the opposite. She was proud of Mary Margaret for going for what she wanted. She just had never ever seen Mary Margaret step outside of a comfort zone like that, and certainly not with a hospital colleague. “Good for you. And he obviously said yes.”

“Why is it obvious?” Emma rolled her eyes, but in a teasing way.

“Come on, you know you two were making heart eyes at each other the other day. There was a definite spark. We all saw it.”

“I’m honestly surprised you noticed since you had your own, what did you just call them? ‘Heart eyes’? Well, you definitely had heart eyes for a certain trauma surgeon.”

Now it was Emma’s turn to blush, and what perfect timing, because the elevator doors had just opened to the lobby. They exited the quiet of the elevator to a hustle and bustle found only at a top tier hospital. It felt like a swarm of people, buzzing every which way, on their own individual paths.

“David and I going to dinner tomorrow,” Mary Margaret said quietly, looking around and finding no eavesdropping colleagues. When the coast was clear, she smiled, looking back at Emma with excitement all over her face. “That’s all I know though. I may have asked him out, but he made it very clear he had plans for how our first date was going to be.”

“I have a good feeling about this guy,” Emma said, referring to David. She had known Mary Margaret for a long time, and she knew how much her friend wished for a real and solid love in her life. Few people desired and deserved that kind of connection like Mary Margaret, and for Emma, there was a real satisfaction in seeing her friend’s instant connection with a stand-up man. Based on past experience, there weren’t too many of those to go around.

“Which one?” Mary Margaret asked. Emma stammered something non-committal out, causing her friend to laugh once more. “And that right there is all the answer I need. See you later, Emma. Oh, and when you see Killian again, just go for it. Believe me, it’s so much better than waiting and wondering.”

With that, Mary Margaret headed towards the wing of the hospital where the Chief and her admins worked. At the same time, Emma turned her attention to the cardiac unit. She had a ways to go to get there, but while still in the main entrance of the hospital she was stopped short by a gruff, and somewhat uncertain voice.

“Excuse me, Doctor Swan?”

“Yes?” Emma replied, looking to the young man who approached her. Taking in his features, she realized she knew him peripherally. He was one of the new interns cycling through the hospital this year, but he hadn’t worked in the cardio wing or in a surgical capacity. Taking in his lanyard, which bore his ID card over plain clothes, she saw he was an ER intern. Interesting. “Can I help you?”

“This is for you.” The young man offered her a paper box. Emma accepted, thoroughly confused before the intern elaborated. “Curtesy of Doctor Jones.”

“Oh,” Emma said, suddenly incredibly interested. Unable to resist, she opened the box. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but what she found made her smile widely. “These are flowers. Paper flowers.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m not entirely sure of the significance, but Doctor Jones told me there is a note inside as well. He wanted me to be sure to mention that.”

Emma was more than excited to read what this astonishing man would write to her, but something the intern said reminded her of the awkwardness of this situation. Had Killian used his authority over the interns to have this delivered? It wasn’t a crazy assumption. Many of the residents and attendings here saw interns as the low rungs on the ladder. They were meant to be learning and training, but often they were sent on coffee runs and foolish errands. Emma never believed in that though. She found it unkind and unnecessary.

“To be honest, it was hard to convince Doctor Jones to let me bring these,” the intern said, perplexing Emma further while eerily reading her mind. “I had to offer about a half dozen times. My shift was ending, you see, and I’ve been looking for a way to thank Doctor Jones since he got here. You know he created extra hours in the ER skills lab? He’s working with first years too. We get very little access usually, because the third years are prepping for exams and stuff, but he convinced Doctor Nolan to extend the hours. He’s even hosting classes himself. Cool right?”

“Very cool,” Emma said with a nod, and another smile. She breathed out a sigh of relief, genuinely happy to realize this man she’d been thinking of was good to others. It also made accepting this thoughtful gift so much easier.

From there, Caleb said goodbye, heading out for whatever interns did with down time these days. Oh, who was she kidding? Sleeping. That’s what she’d done, and no doubt that was what all interns still wanted most of all. Emma though, felt more awake now than she had in a long while. She found a quiet corner in one of the corridors leading to the cardio unit and took a seat, opening the box away from prying eyes.

Inside the box there were six different types of what looked like origami flowers. They were beautiful and delicate, and she wondered where he could have bought them. Only when she opened the note did she realize the truth.

Emma,

As you know, I’ve been away for quite a while, out in the field in a completely different world. In the desert there’s not really that much to do, except survive and keep as many of your people as well as you can. The downtime is long and hot and quiet. I picked up these tricks from a fellow soldier. It kept my hands at the ready and my mind clear, and there’s an honest beauty in them that reminds me of you.

Truth be told, there’s a flower for each time I’ve tried to catch you at the coffee cart since our meeting. Clearly my missions have been unsuccessful, so this calls for a change in tactics…

Emma smiled at the thoughtfulness and felt the pull of butterflies low in her chest. He thought she was beautiful, and he said it without fear. Had a man ever said so much? Had it ever mattered? Certainly not like it did now. Reading on, Emma laughed at the lightheartedness of the note and the bit of cheeky humor that accompanied it. His easygoing candor and transparency enchanted her, drawing her in even more than she already was. Then she memorized the time and place he suggested that they meet at the bottom of the page, knowing nothing and no one was going to keep her from this meeting.

Only after reading through his handwritten thoughts three or four times did she realize an added layer of perfection: these flowers weren’t just handmade and crafted with intention. They were also safe for her to take with her to her ward of the hospital. Being in and out of the ICU and cardiac units, Emma couldn’t bring real flowers into her offices without putting some patients at risk, but she could have these. From within the box she selected a bright yellow blossom, beautiful and intricate and folded to perfection. Wordlessly she tucked it away in her pocket. The others were deposited for safe keeping in her office as soon as she arrived back in the East Wing, and displayed on her windowsill, brightening the space.

The hours between the start of her shift and the time she was meant to meet Killian passed by slowly. Her rounds usually distracted her, but not today. While she still gave all due attention to her patients, Emma had that sense in the back of her mind that this afternoon would bring so much more to the forefront. The promise of seeing him again kept her heart pattering faster than it should be, and by the time the clock was minutes from their meeting, she was positively bursting with anticipation.

“Okay, usually I would give you a hard time and pretend to tag along, but even I can’t mess with a smile like that.” Ruby’s words snapped Emma’s focus back to the hallway where she was standing, pretending to read a chart. As she looked to her friend, however, she would never be able to recall what was on the screen in front of her. Ruby grinned when their eyes met. “He gave you the flowers, didn’t he?”

“You knew?” Emma asked and Ruby nodded.

“Yup. Ran into him at the cart a couple of times. He was really starting to piss off the kiosk guy with all his loitering. Had to give him a hundred dollars just to shut him up.”

“He didn’t!”

“No, I wouldn’t let him. I told Boris to shut it unless he wanted a hospital wide nurses strike. Guy knows better than to cross me. He just acts tough for clout.” Emma laughed, knowing her friend truly ran this place in most ways. But then the apprehension of the moment caught up to her again, and Emma’s brow furrowed in worry. “Oh no you don’t. No doubting this, Ems. I’ve vetted this guy. Run all the background, checked all the sources. He’s a good one, a one in a million, needle in a haystack, diamond in the rough kind of man. And, to top it all off, he’s crazy about you.”

“You think?” Emma asked and Ruby nodded.

“I know, but that’s all I’m saying. Let Killian speak for himself, okay? And, even though it’s hard, try and trust this.”

“I think I already do,” Emma whispered. “Trust him, I mean. But that’s crazy, right?”

“Love tends to be that way.”

“Ruby.”

“Emma,” her friend parroted, taking her hand and squeezing gently. “Just go for it. Go for it and see for yourself.”

With a nod, and the validation that she needed to hear from a trusted friend, Emma headed off. It felt natural and expected to make her way towards the center of the hospital once more. This time though, she passed the coffee cart, with only a fleeting glance. Killian wasn’t meeting her there today. In fact, she wasn’t entirely sure where they were meeting. She followed the directions he’d given her, up a few more flights of stairs and through the wing with pediatric patients and newborns. She had been here many times before, for consults and comfort. It was a draw here in the hospital – the cuteness of babies just starting their journeys in the new world. Emma looked at them today, noticing the vibrancy inside the nursery, but didn’t linger. Instead, she followed the last of the route that Killian had given her and ended up somewhere she’d never been before. A place that must have just finished being renovated.

“Wow,” Emma whispered, walking into the sunlight on the open terrace.

With the glass surroundings and the plant life everywhere, this place was beautiful. There were pergolas and hanging vines, topiaries and flowering plants, daffodils and tulips, all breathing in the spring. It felt like a park, floating in the air, with the sounds of the city barely audible below. Emma could imagine the kids and the families who would come here someday. She hoped it would be a space for them to find some peace and happiness while staying in this unfamiliar and often stressful place. Hospitals were rarely any fun for patients, necessary as they may be, but this space was beautiful enough to distract from that.

“You made it, love.” The deep rumble of that familiar voice sent a shiver through Emma’s whole body. She cast a glance over her shoulder, finding Killian, leaning against the stone façade of the building behind them. In his hands were two coffees, and as he moved towards her, he offered her one with a boyish smile. “This is for you. Didn’t want you missing a routine caffeine fix for my sake.”

“Thank you,” Emma said automatically, feeling his fingers brush across hers, sending a zing of awareness through her. Her eyes flashed up to his, and she knew he felt it too. Suddenly she had no want or need for this coffee. She cleared her throat slightly before continuing on. “Where exactly are we? And how, might I ask, does the new guy know about it before I do?”

“It’s the Hubbard Family Wellness Gardens, gifted by one of the hospital’s most loyal benefactors” he said, full of knowledge. Emma was shocked that he actually knew what this place would be but then he smiled, gesturing to the plaque bearing that information. She bit back a laugh. “And as for how I found it, that’s easy. I never leave well enough alone, and I’m curious by nature. I’ve been nearly everywhere in the hospital now, but this place seemed the best for what comes next.”

“What comes next?” Emma asked, her voice hitching up as she repeated the words.

“Aye,” Killian murmured, his tone dipping sensually low. She swallowed harshly as he entered into her space, and he tracked the motion. She felt the heat of his closeness, and caught his scent in the air, clean, and male, and with a hint of spice.

“I’m afraid I didn’t think this through,” he said, close enough to kiss her. God, how she wished he would kiss her. Emma vocalized her first thought.

“Really? I did. Like a lot.”

His smirk told her she’d said that aloud even though she never meant to, but before she could react, he took hold of her cup once more.

“I meant these,” he gestured to the coffee in her hand. Oh, right. “May I, love?”

Emma nodded, and shakily let go of the cup she forgot she was holding. With deft hands, Killian placed their drinks back on a table beside them with far more poise than she could muster at the moment. When that was done, he stepped towards her again, looking at her with a glint in his blue eyes that made her heart skip. His hands came to her body, one to her hip, the other to cup her cheek. The rightness washed over her, and so did the realization that none of her dreams could actually prepare her for real intimacy with Killian Jones.

“Last time we spoke I intended to ask you something. Do you remember?”

“Yes, I remember,” she whispered, her voice hoarse from wanting this so badly. Without thinking, she wet her lips, and he caught the action, letting out a groan that mixed pain with passion and pleasure. Then he cursed, a totally British ‘bloody hell’ falling past his lips before dipping his mouth to hers and giving them both a taste of temptation.

The kiss was… beyond incredible, but Emma was so deep in it she had no ability to comprehend anything at all. She was consumed with the moment, arching against Killian, feeling the silky strands of his dark hair and the scruff of his beard. His kiss was assured and passionate, dominant and indulgent all at once. She succumbed to the sensations, and let the rightness surge within her, not caring at all that they were outside or at work or that they’d just met. Instinct took over, and her gut, which Emma had always trusted, was telling her that this man was even more than she imagined, and someone she should choose to let in.

Pulling back from the kiss, Emma and Killian stayed close, and Emma took stock of all the places they were touching. His hold on her was firm but caring, like she was precious, and he wouldn’t let her slip away. In his eyes she saw so much emotion, and again she was struck by his transparency and trust. He wasn’t shying away from her or the moment. He was in the depths of desire with her, and their kiss, that perfect, sexy as all hell kiss, had left him tongue tied. The quiet wasn’t awkward, but assuring, and Emma felt secure here, safe even, while also being filled with more unknown wonder than she’d ever been before. Like someone at the start of a glorious adventure, she took a next step born of passion and hope.

“I’m off at six tonight… so, you want to pick me up at seven thirty?” she asked, referencing a date he hadn’t actually asked her out on. She feigned ignorance even though she could read him like a book. “Unless you were going to ask me something else…”

His hold on her tightened, and he shook his head immediately. She was right. He wanted a date – and she saw no reason to wait when she wanted one just as badly. She grinned at him, loving how the tables had turned. This time he swallowed harshly, and she was oh so tempted to kiss him again and see if he’d stay shy or rise to her challenge.

“It’s a date, Swan,” he said dazedly.

Emma hummed out her agreement, going in for one last fleeting kiss. But where she meant to only tease, he took the reins again, kissing her senseless and leaving her breathless when they finally broke apart. Only when her pager beeped with an incoming call did they end their inevitable interlude, and as they did, Emma felt a pang of longing, wishing this moment could last so much longer than this.

“Tonight, love,” he whispered, running his thumb against her lips. “Far away as it may seem, I promise the wait will be worth it.”

“Good,” she replied, nipping his thumb ever so softly, and bringing the fire back in his eyes, before taking a step back. And with that, and just enough presence of mind to grab her coffee, Emma headed off, back through the hospital to the work that awaited her, knowing she could and would get through anything today for the promise of tonight.

Post-Note: Ah!! Finally!! I got the words on the page!! I did the thing!! I wrote the story!! And honestly, it’s such a relief. It felt, at some points, like I may never get this chapter written, but finally today it came. I know many of you were waiting, and I cherished every comment and review and message along the way. I hope all of you who wrote me, and those who read along with chapter one, all enjoy this installation. I write these stories for me and to brighten my world ever so slightly, but also in the hopes that they’ll spark joy for others too. In a time like this, a little joy goes an awful long way. Anyway, thank you all for reading, sending you the best, and hope you’ll join me next time for the final chapter of this CS AU! xE

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slashmebois · 4 years

Text

You make me breathless

“Hello! How are you? I hope you are very well ;) If you don't mind, could you write about Bo's reaction to an asthmatic reader? being fucking soft on him and freaking out when he tries too hard? How to mount your thigh? I suffer from asthma attacks, you know, it's hell when everyone treats me like a baby, but deep down I enjoy it, thanks in advance and see you!”

Thank you so much for your request @ !! I hope this fits what you wanted! I kept this GN up until thigh riding, so if y’all aren’t the owners of a va-gi-na you may wanna stop reading at that point.

I’ve not written NSFW before so sorry if it’s a lil cringe haha.

Disclaimer: My only experience of asthma is a close family member who has pretty severe symptoms. If any of the information I put in is incorrect, please drop me a message and I’ll do my best to educate myself and edit the post! I used information from Asthma UK to inform my writing.

Okay first, some background.

When you first arrived in Ambrose and Bo was chasing you, he thought it was hilarious when your asthma started to act up (he’s an asshole, I’m sorry). But he did feel a little teensy bit guilty about that later…

Leading on from that, if anyone does anything that triggers your asthma, well Bo is gonna be pissed.

Both Lester and Vincent have been kicked in the ass for doing so. Vincent is just so quiet that he scared the heck out of you by accident, and Lester bought that cleaning product that sets you off because he wasn’t listening properly.

Boy really thought you needed CPR the first time you had a big attack (he just wanted an excuse to kiss you okay). He’s since learned to keep an eye on where your inhaler and Volumatic spacer are so he can grab them quick.

If you have a preventer inhaler, he tries to remind you to take it.

He’s also a little overprotective (see bullet point two) and panics a little because he doesn’t really understand that sometimes the cause won’t be obvious. He has literally run around holding up things to you and asking if that is what was causing it.

It can feel like he’s babying you since he drops whatever is happening if you get the slightest bit breathless.

But also he drops whatever he’s doing, which is kind of sweet.

Initially he got pretty proud when your symptoms triggered whilst you were getting it on. Once you’d recovered and explained it to him, he realised that whilst he loved the idea of you finding it hard to breathe around him, that maybe, just maybe it wasn’t actually a good thing.

Tonight, was the night. You were determined. Tonight, was the night you would make Bo realise you are an independent and goddamn sexy adult who can take care of themselves.

He had been babying you all week. The pollen count in Ambrose currently was astronomical and setting off your asthma big time. You had been trying to get down and dirty, but every time you had felt your airways tightening and Bo had scrambled for your inhaler, before holding you and kissing your head. And he always refused sex after. You were pretty sure he thought that’s what was causing it at this point.

You dressed yourself in your tightest, most revealing clothes, adding a garter underneath for good luck. You felt sexy and powerful. You just hoped Vincent wasn’t chilling in the kitchen to see this. It had happened before and yes; it was embarrassing for everyone involved. Striding down the stairs you glance over to the kitchen table. Okay, phew. The coast is clear.

You’re thankful as you step into the street, that the air in Ambrose is always warm- come summer or winter. You hear the music coming from the garage before you see Bo come into view. He’s singing along, focused on the car engine in front of him. You lean against the garage door, watching him with that warm fuzzy feeling of love. You’re so thankful you found him.

He turns and jumps a little, before eyeing you up and down slowly- a devilish grin working its way onto his face.

“Well that is a nice view” he whistles, his eyes locking with yours, “what’s the occasion?”

“No occasion…just wanted to look nice for myself” you spin on the spot, giving him the full view.

“For yourself huh?”, he makes his way over to you, laying his hands on your hips and leaning in close to hum in your ear, “and could little old Bo get any of that, or are we strictly keeping this to ourselves?” he punctuates it, by pulling you close enough to feel his erection against your back.

You gasp audibly, “I guess I could share a little. Sharing is caring and all that”

His laughs rumbles, And he starts walking you towards the basement, gripping and grasping at you as he does.

By the time you reach the basement, you’re already moaning and can feel the growing arousal between your thighs. He manages to jostle the door open and picks you up, wrapping your legs round him to carry you over to the chair.

Bo, leans back and just studies you before going to town on your neck, nipping and sucking and groaning, “how the fuck did I get so lucky baby”.

You’re a mess before he’s even touched you down there, and struggling to form words, “Bo…uhh…oh my-YES”

His hands paw at your chest, kneading the flesh before moving south to cup you.

“Someone’s excited” he grins, but you can hear he’s nearly as breathless as you.

His fingers start to move down there and it’s little bits of electric. You’re panting and grabbing at his back,

“please please please”

He pulls his hand away and you groan in dismay. The sensation is quickly replaced, you squeak as he rips your bottoms off and kneels before you, putting his mouth on you and sucking hard.

You can feel yourself quickly approaching climax, but then it happens. Your throat tightens and you gasp inward, your breath not quite reaching your lungs.

Bo is immediately off you, “where’s your inhaler, where is it baby?”, he looks so worried, fuck. This is so unfair. You point over to your discarded bag and he rustles through it to find your saving grace. He tosses you the inhaler, and picks you up as you use your inhaler, placing you down in his lap.

You take breaths in, letting the medication sooth your airways until you can breathe again. All the time, Bo is muttering reassurances and sweeping you hair back from your face to kiss your eyelids.

“It’s okay baby, you’re all right. Don’t worry. We’ll get you to bed”

You can feel the angry tears threatening to spring from your eyes, “I don’t want to go to bed Bo. I am not a baby! I’m a fully grown adult and I want to fuck. Jesus!”

He stills, a little stunned, “You think I treat you like a baby?”, his tone is dark.

“Well…I…I just feel stupid.”

“Oh no, no, no. That’s fine. I can treat you different if you like”

Before you can respond he has you over his lap and his hand is coming down on your backside. You yelp in surprise, “B…Bo”

---GN ends, reader is person with vagina from here on out---

“Ah-ah, call me daddy babygirl”

You feel a shiver of delight pass through you, “yes daddy”, the groan that emits from Bo is unworldly.

He spanks you again, and you moan, squirming you legs together beneath him, “please daddy”

“Please, what?”

“Uhhhn, please touch me”

“Come sit on daddy’s knee”

You lift yourself, desperate to please him so he’d please you. You start to sit sideways across his knees, but he stops you and pulls you toward him so that you have a leg on either side of one of his knees.

Confused you start to question “what in the heck are you doing?” but before you can finish the sentence, he grinds his knee up into your core and ohhh…oh fuck, that feels good. Your legs clamp tightly around his leg, and you start to press down, “mmm. Please. Please daddy, that feels so good”.

He grinds his knee again and grabs your hips, pulling you down onto his thigh more. You don’t need more encouragement, you start moving your hips with him, mewling out his name and expletives. You leave a trail of your wetness along his leg, and fuck if that isn’t hot.

“Tell daddy how good it feels pet. Mm, you like that don’t you?”

“Daaaddy, it feels-mmmf-it feels so good.”

“Whose doing that to you?”

“Y…you are Bo. Oh my god. Oh my god. pleeeease”

Your face is flushed and your hair sticks to your forehead as you feel the mounting tightness in your stomach pooling down.

“Yeah I am baby. You gonna cum for me? Gonna make you cum just using my thigh huh?”

You try to respond but your orgasm tears through you, and you just wail in a mix of pleasure and slight pain. Your breath is short, but for a different reason this time. You’re still for a spell, trying to catch it again, and trying to decide if you’re still on this plane of existence. You realise that the whole time Bo is just staring at you, a big smile on his face.

“What?” you laugh.

“Nothing, just think I’ll have to stop treating you so precious huh? Kinda liked this side of you”

You pout, “I don’t mind you treating me a little like a baby. But only a little.”

He barks out a laugh, “Alright, alright. We’ll compromise. You can be my spoilt baby during the day”, he leans in close to your ear, his thighs movement against your slit making you jump, “but at night I’m treating you like this. You get an asthma attack, fine we’ll sort it. But I might have to punish you for making me worry”

You bite your lip, feeling a second wave of arousal hit you. Fuck, at this rate you’d be cumming a second time real soon. He catches the look in your eye, “Guess I better get to work on you again”

#how #house of wax #bo sinclair #bo sinclair smut #bo sinclair x reader #slashers

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1oserjk · 4 years

Text

— full stop | still good without luck

when life was becoming a bit steadier

+ here is a clearer puzzle piece of oc n jk’s backstory :D

word count: 2.4k

x full stop masterlist | x masterlist

Three years after he finally landed a solid grip on the shop and enough money came in to pay back the bills including the newly bought house and his studio, is when he came barreling in your shared bedroom door with a complicated-looking bouquet in his hand.

Your first instinctive reaction was to recoil and question the cheesy gesture.

“Oh god. What’s this?” You stupidly pointed—poked towards the obvious. They were very living, giving them a long appreciative look knowing in a matter of days they would wither and fall off if you didn’t snip the stems and soak them in water soon enough.

“Flowers, obviously. For you.”

You reluctantly took them into your arms, listening intently to the way the thin plastic rubbed against your bare skin.

You wondered if he would be okay with you picking off the petals of some of the white flowers to set out in the sun for a day, before soaking them in oil to preserve the fragrance.

Stupid crafts like that always made you happy. He knew that.

“It’s a pretty pairing,” you honestly said, staring at the stark contrast between the white and the slightly familiar dirty orange. You think you’ve seen it in one of the pages of your A-Z Of Perennials book your mother gifted you last summer.

“They’re your favorite,” he explained as if it was a fact you never knew about yourself.

You nodded. “They are.”

He took a slight breath in before fully releasing to say, “And this lily is my birth flower.” He put his hands in the pockets of his slacks to stop himself from anxiously fidgeting. You thought it was cute. “I’m personally fond of the meaning of them.”

You smiled. “And what exactly could that meaning be?”

“Please—“ his eyes set out for yours when he finished, “—love me.”

The message you received through each petal achingly clear: that Jeon Jungkook was a man made solely for you and nobody else. Somebody so incredibly needy in only the best ways possible, eager to hand you the world — that was your husband and the father of your child.

“Corny, huh,” he attempted to brush off, but you saw right through his prideful facade, the tint to his cheeks lacking in help for the man standing right in front of you.

Jungkook was always the type to go soft at the romanticization of things, as if you were watching a Studio Ghibli film right at the center of his dark-colored orbs, the projection of the simplicity of all things beautiful. It was a solid contrast to your realist characteristic you held, but being with Jungkook all those years only made it easier to fall back and dream for a bit with him.

You carefully set the flowers down on the dresser beside you to wrap your arms around him, his eyes being the easiest thing to fully immerse yourself into.

“Not at all,” you said, shaking your head, “I think they fit you well.”

He hummed, hands easily finding the curve of your hips and landing them firmly atop the thin layer of your dress. He was automatically up to no good when his lips had quirked to one side and his eyes flashed a gleam for a millisecond. “Being pretty?”

You hit at his arm, leaning your head closer to his until your noses met and intuitively slotted at just the right angle. “No,” you lead, lips brushing at the single syllable, “being needy.”

He scrunched his and pulled away from your lips as a form of punishment. Eyes set on the prize, so driven for the one thing you find yourself craving the past week, standing on the tips of your toes and eagerly reaching for a kiss.

He scoffed quietly, putting up a false front. He gave it to you easily and without even a fight, “I’m the needy one? Look who’s kissing me.”

“Please,” you reasoned and puckered up for another, “This is me showing my appreciation and affection for the flowers. Really, thank you.”

He dug his face into your neck and traced the bare skin of your back with the tip of each of his slender fingers. He said something quietly about liking that particular dress on you, his fingers playing along with the open slit to emphasize his appreciation. You shivered slightly from the contact and leaned most of your weight against him to compensate for your legs suddenly weakening.

“I’m glad you liked them,” he murmured into your skin, leaving goosebumps against the rest. “I thought it would be a nice addition to our date night.”

“Speaking of,” you began to mutter at the reminder, “It’s been so long since we’ve had a decent amount of time alone. I was surprised you were free this weekend.”

“Sorry,” he sheepishly said, “As much as I trust those two back at the shop — I don’t. But, they told me I at least needed a small break and that they would take care of interviewing for our receptionist position over the weekend.”

Your head tilted curiously to ponder, “You’re still looking for someone?”

He solemnly nodded.

“Then I might just quit and apply at yours,” you teasingly smirked, “Sounds kind of fun.”

He groans. “As much as that would go appreciated..” His hands suddenly drift down to roam your ass and hips, giving it a solid pinch to make you yelp out loud. The corner of his lips quirked. “I don’t think your mother will appreciate you wasting a degree like that. And to be honest? I don’t think I’d get much work done if you were working under me either.”

“Why not?” You didn’t exactly have the opportunity to be as creative as he was, to interact with new people, and share art the way he did. You were organized and clean though. “I’ve had to take a leave at work to focus on Yeona while you were kept busy with the shop, I want to get back to working again. Want to spend more time with you..”

He landed a solid kiss on the edge of your temple and sighed. “Baby, I promise that once business gains momentum without me having to be there, I’ll take some more time off. I feel better that you’re with our daughter for now.”

Your mouth formed to a downturn. “What about you? Jungkook, she needs her own father.”

There’s a moment of silence between the both of you, a thousand of unspoken words floated in between. Yours surrounded him with question marks.

“Do you really want to start that tonight?” He asked, tiredness stirring in his eyes.

You blinked in slight pain before erasing it completely away from his view to read it as anything more and mustered a weak smile. Your hands fidgetted but stick to simply smoothing out the lines of his dress coat.

The bite on your tongue is harsh and punishing.

“Okay,” you answered, a mustered smile easily stretched out, “Fine.”

You wondered how much longer you both would suppress the looming subject until the next argument would find its way back into conversation again.

You stepped out of his hold and observed him from a distance. His expression is given with the way he held back the same as you.

You didn’t push it for the sake of that night.

With your back turned, you grabbed for your purse and handed him a smile before offering your hand. “Let’s go before it gets too late.”

You’ve encased his hand into your hold at the beginning of the drive, probably slightly dangerous to do but a foolish and selfish habit you had when it came to him. He doesn’t mind when they folded in between the warmth of your thighs, anyway. His driving skills were well off enough to stay stable and to occasionally run his thumb against your skin whenever he pleased.

Just feeling the span of where your short dress had risen had him stirring in his pants and already questioning, “When was the last time we had sex?”

You didn’t flinch at the abrupt question, humming to think. “Maybe about—a week ago?”

His eyes widened. “Fuck, really?”

You nodded. “Your perception of time has always been fucked..” Sitting up, you pinned him a stare, “Come on, you really don’t remember?”

Mindless sex was one of the many ways he would vow out his apology after all. He spelled out his sorry by drawing out an orgasm after orgasm.

“No, no, I do,” he answered, “I just—didn’t expect it to be that long ago.”

Your mind begged to comment out that it was his fault for always being so damn busy.

“Okay,” he said, arm extended out, having it be enough of your fidgeting and sudden silence, “Come here and hold my hand again.”

It’s his cluelessness to note the way you felt that frustrated you the most — maybe it was just your fault for not properly voicing it out.

“Let’s not think about the last time and look forward to tonight, yeah?” You bit at a remark, reluctantly obliging, only quickly regretting it when his long fingers flexed, unattainable to let go of the raw thoughts that clumped into your head right after. Cheeky bastard. You gripped them tightly to make him hiss out, rubbing the stupid initials of yours on the back of his hand a second later.

He went on with the conversation about some big time client who was willing to spend a fuck ton of money for him to ink his whole entire back. You weren’t too surprised to hear him say that he was informed it would be free game, a general idea and vibe but overall letting Jungkook’s creativity roam free. There was a fond smile stretched upon your lips when he got giddy over it, sprouting out all of the sketch ideas he planned for his work to splay out on the man’s bare skin, eyes twinkling like a fucking kid and it’s beautiful. He’s beautiful.

The car turned to an unfamiliar road and it’s only then your eyebrows furrowed. Your mind perked at the fact you’ve been clueless for that long, not even recognizing the route to your unannounced destination. “I don’t even know where we’re going.”

He turned the wheel again. “Somewhere nicer.” That was the theme for that night, nicer—better—greater than usual.

You eagerly started to look around, like the GPS in front of you didn’t indicate you would be there in the next ten minutes. “Where? What’s the name of the place?”

He chuckled. “Sit back and wait for it, alright? I promise you’ll like it.”

Of course, you took his word for it.

The tower sat at a painstakingly high height.

“Jungkook,” you deadpanned, “What are we doing here?”

He smiled widely. “Do you remember this place?”

The breeze blew through you and you could only hug yourself tighter with a meager nod. “You took me here for my birthday that one year?”

He nodded, hands in his pockets. “And I only had enough money to pay for the admission fee and nothing else. Not even enough to get a decent souvenir from the gift shop.”

“Hey, no,” you denied with a pout, clearly offended, “You got me a small magnet that’s still hanging on top of our fridge. It’s cute and I love it.”

His tongue ticked against the roof of his mouth and he reluctantly agreed. “Alright, fine. But—”

You gaped at the tower, mindlessly sputtering when you realize, “Is this where we’re having dinner?”

Finally, he confirmed with a solid nod and a sheepish smile. “We have a reservation.”

Blinking, you repeated, “Reservation? Why would we even need one—”

His arm suddenly swooped down and curled your body next to his as soon as you began walking up the intimidating structure. “Because I have the money to do so now, can’t you see? I can finally spoil the fuck out of my wife the way I’ve been wanting to this whole time.” Nicer—better—greater than usual

“Gguk—”

“I know that it might be a few years too late to make up for it, but I want you to realize how much I love you,” he said sincerely. “That I’m doing all of this for reason.”

You tugged his hand and called for him again.

Ignoring your pleas, he continued, “I’m shitty for not doing this sooner, and I know some nights get lonely without me, but I want to pay you back with everything I can possibly afford — I’m working hard. For you. For Yeona. Only for the both of you.”

Impulsively, your heel stomped against the pavement until his attention finally shifted towards you. The action immediately turned regrettable when the impact vibrated and bounced off of your ankle. You winced.

“Jungkook,” you pathetically mumbled, reaching out towards him.

Mid-talk, and it was your eyes that glossed over to throw him off, putting him on high alert. He had no choice but to stare down nervously at you with a bitten lip.

You exhaled slowly and eventually circled your arms around his neck to pull him closer. You were still just outside of the front doors to climb in a beautifully long elevator ride, the gift shop beside the admission booths light blinking brightly to let visitors know it was wide open for them to waste money on overpriced, useless trinkets and tiny magnets.

Your fingers softly pulled at the hairs of his nape, urging him to give you a kiss right then and there. “I appreciate and love everything you’ve bought and done for me tonight.” Just for even allowing some time for the both of you that weekend — it was way more than enough. Your fingers softly ran over the edge of his jaw and went a bit further up to cup his cheek. His hands slid up to your wrist in return and squeezed, angling his head to put a few kisses on the center of your palm. “But you know I love you regardless, right? I don’t need you to pay back my love I’ll always have for you. Always, Gguk. We maintained a shitty apartment together for so many years, still got married when the circumstances weren’t always the nicest, and continue to raise a beautiful little girl together. Nothing changes when I’m with you.”

He eagerly bent down to encase your lips with his own. “I love you,” he said with utter sincerity, his silent ode to you he would carry along for the rest of his life hung somewhere within the tone of it. Always.

#mine #full stop #jungkook

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