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hayjeon · 4 years

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You Set My Heart on Fire 01 [M] ft. Namjoon

→ fireman!namjoon and paramedic!y/n au (warning: drunken sex, oral, etc.) → 10k words, part 1 | part 2 | fin. → As a surgeon forced to volunteer as a paramedic in the Seoul Fire Department during an unfortunate probation incident, your one and only goal was to get to work, do your thing, and get the hell home and back to your original high-salary job. But when the SFD’s Chief is the incredibly attractive, cocky, and persistent Kim Namjoon, things start to get heated.

Hi! this is a reupload, and i figured i’d vamp up the title and the header in the meantime! Thank you to the user who managed to save this just in time, after I accidentally deleted it T___T I am forever indebted to you, and I lost your username, so if you see this pls dm me i’d love to write something for as a token of my appreciation!

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair as the lawyer continues to lay out the demands.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you huff, glaring at the idiot gangster who’s at the other side of the room. He cringes a bit at your glare, nursing an ice pack against his bruised cheek.

“I swear, he slapped my ass! I was just retaliating!” You cry, frustrated. Your surgery chief huffs angrily at your behavior and you settle back, clenching your fists on top of the table.

The lawyer snarks back, “You also managed to cause damage to the victim’s body in the process. He’s demanding full reparations. Let’s see,” she muses, flipping through the documents spread out on the table between the both of you. “A broken nose, bruised cheekbone, fractured wrist from when he fell, and muscle strains on his lower back, and psychological damage from framing him for sexual harassment and from the physical assault. In total, it would amount the hospital to about $50,000 to cover the hospital costs and the time he would need to talk off from his job, and the continued physical and mental therapy sessions to follow for around 6 months.” She closes the file with a grin. “So, Dr. Y/N, what’s it gonna be?”

“Chief, I can’t believe we’re just losing to him!” You cry, following after Dr. Kim, who’s seething as he storms down the hall outside of the conference room.

He screeches to a halt, turning around with a glare. “Well, what do you wanna do?!” He throws his hands up in defeat, “You want to cause a whole legal issue? You know that there’s really nothing else we can do in this situation! It’s your word against his, and the video cameras only show proof of him passing by you, and then you throwing a big ass punch in his fucking face!” He cries, taking off his glasses and rubbing his temples.

“Look, Dr. Y/N, you did the right thing. The fucker deserved the punch, and you threw a good one. But,” he continues, placing his glasses back on his nose and patting your shoulder, “giving him the money is the best thing we could do for both the hospital and for you. So, just, take this next month off, get the community service done and then come right back. Alright? I’ll even let you head all the interesting cases that come into the operating room.”

He sighs, and walks off, leaving you behind. You roll your eyes and run a hand through your hair, fist clenching on the brochure of community service options for doctors.

The fucker had brought his girlfriend in during your shift at the emergency room, and while she was getting stitches for a cut that she got from a building collapse, in the craze of the emergency room, he was going around touching asses. You’d heard the nurses complaining about it, about how it was just a swipe of the hand that seemed like an accident, but multiple had the same experience from the same seedy-looking jerk.

When it was your turn to go up to the patient and explain that her stitches were done and she was alright to go home, he’d come up next to you and his knuckles grazed the skin of your ass. Sick of everything, you’d pushed him back and socked him straight in the face.

Later, from the cameras though, there was no visible evidence of him touching anyone, and it was your word against the clear security camera shot of you socking him right in his big ass nose. So you open the brochure and plop down at your desk to see what options there were. There were the general ones, where you could serve and clean up at a park or volunteer at a soup kitchen, and then there was a separate page for doctors who probably just wanted to maintain their skills in the field they volunteered in. You pick up the phone.

“What?” Yugyeom asks, “Chief seriously ended up giving you a probation period for community service?” He sighs over the phone, and you roll your eyes too.

“Yeah,” you huff, “which one should I do? I should sign up today, since it might take a bit to get approved and might as well start early so I can go back to work as soon as I get all my hours finished.”

He muses, probably scanning the picture you sent him. “Hm...well look, you can go travel to Africa or Cambodia or something. It’ll be like that one drama with Song Joong Ki in it. Maybe you’ll meet a hot military general. What do you think?”

“Too far,” you complain, taking a red pen and drawing a line through it. “Also, they don’t cover air fare or housing. Maybe something more local.”

“Okay, well then what about teaching kids in elementary and high school about general first aid and health? You can maybe meet a single teacher who’s good with kids. That’s kind of hot.”

“I fucking hate kids, Yug, you know that,” you sneer, rolling your eyes and crossing out that option. “Also, why are you trying to get me laid, you should be worried about your own empty gay love life.”

He huffs, “Well, bitch, if you’re gonna be so picky why’d you call. Just take the second to last one, the medic for the fire department! It’ll be fun, I know a friend who works in the one that’s close by to the hospital, so you can just commute from there and if you guys ever end up coming to the emergency room, you’ll see all of us there too.”

You hum, scanning through the brief description: Medic for the Seoul Fire Department. In-department housing and meals provided during both on-call and working hours. Needs basic EMT and paramedic skills. Must be able to handle emergency situations calmly and communicate with safety officers.

You purse your lips, scoffing a little bit at the emergency part. “Well, if there’s something I can handle, it’s emergency.”

He laughs, “What a downgrade...from a cardio surgeon to a paramedic. Jeez, you better get out of this one quick. Just make sure not to punch anyone during duty, and you’ll be fine.”

“Shut up bitch. Let’s go clubbing tonight. I need to let some of this stress out before I get trapped in there.”

The night was lively and the drinks kept flowing. Jennie and Jackson from Health and Nutrition, Sana from pediatrics, Yugyeom and Seulgi from Cardio, and even the oh-so-popular Jaebom and Jinyoung from general surgery came out.

You were dressed in the hottest dress you could find in Seulgi’s closet, and according to Yugyeom’s apparently “gay and therefore superior opinion,” your outfit and hair and makeup were basically a “straight guy’s ticket to bonertown.”

“Legit, how could you be so gay but also talk like such a frat boy at the same time?” You sneer, taking another shot of vodka.

He sucks on his lemon, and then flashes a smile. “It’s the best combination. I pull.”

He cocks his chin to a direction behind you. “Also seems like I was right, because you’ve been pulling too. That guys been staring ever since we got to the bar.”

You turn, blurry vision settling on a handsome, leather jacket clad guy that’s sitting with two other guys at the table. He’s looking now, eyebrow cocked and lip between his teeth. He’s not usually your type, but you feel it. This, was the guy you were gonna fuck tonight.

You get up, patting Yugyeom on the arm. “Thanks, I’ll take myself home tonight.” He whistles behind you as you try your best to make your way to the guy, but suddenly your drunk ass hobbles on your Forever 21 heels, and you topple to the side. All of a sudden, there’s a strong hand gripping your upper arm and pulling you up, and an arm wrapping around your waist to offer support.

“Oh shit, miss, you alright?” A low voice sounds right next to your ear. You look up, expecting to see the leather jacket guy, but this...this was much better. This guy was dressed in only a black t-shirt tucked into blue jeans. But his simple ensemble didn’t matter. He was tall, way taller than you in your tallest heels, and he smelled so damn good. His hair was slicked up and his skin absolutely golden. He wasn’t biting his lip or doing anything to try and hook up with you, but in seconds, you were sopping wet.

No, this was the guy you were gonna fuck tonight.

“I will be,” you answer him, straightening up and pressing yourself up against him. “when you buy me a drink.”

He seems to understand what you’re getting at. He chuckles a bit, eyebrow quirking and you think it’s the hottest shit you’ve ever seen since waterproof scrubs. He helps you straighten up. “I think you’ve had enough drinks already. Can I get you some water?”

“Yes,” you breathe, but not letting go. “But only if you stay with me until I’m finished.”

He smiles, and keeps his hand on your waist as he guides you the bar and orders a cup of water. You sit on the single empty bar stool, and he stands, and you revel in the fact that even on this tall bar stool, he still stands taller than you.

You sip the water, and he leans an elbow on the bar, inches from you.

“So, what brings you stumbling into this bar?”

“I’m here with some coworkers,” you say, and he leans in closer to hear you over the loud music.

“Won’t they be looking for you?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” You pout, and he laughs, shaking his head.

“Hell no, I’m just worried.”

“Wow, and they say chivalry is dead.” You fire back, and he laughs again.

“You gonna keep laughing at my jokes or are you gonna ask me to come home with you?” You raise your brows as you sip your water, looking at him over the rim. His expression darkens, but the corner of his mouth sexily turns up.

“I might laugh a little more just to tease, I suppose. Helps build up for later.” He leans up, hand on the bar, but steps a bit closer to you this time. If you leaned up a bit, you’d kiss. He chuckles again, and you can feel his breath on your lips.

You roll your eyes, “Shut up and kiss me already.”

He smiles and leans down, other hand cradling your waist as you reach up and tangle your fingers in his hair, pulling harshly when he slides his tongue into your mouth as soon as you open up for him.

He’s a good kisser. He knows how to move his lips, knows when to pull back to leave you wanting for more, and does that thing where he stops kissing to just peck wetly at your lips before sinking in for more. Hook, line, and sinker. You’re done. “Let’s get out of here, please,” you whimper against his lips, and he smiles, straightening up.

“As you wish. Oh, also what’s your name?”

“Y/N,” you shout over the music. “What about you?”

“You can call me Joon.” He smirks.

The ride to his apartment is blurry, because all you remember is a lot of giggling and trying not to moan at how his hand is so big around your thigh that you have you physically restrain yourself from jumping him on the highway right there. The tires screech as he parks and you both laugh as you stumble into the elevator, giving the security guards watching the cameras a show when you straight up make out with him in the corner of the elevator, his hand up your dress and your hand up his shirt.

He pushes you against his closed door, dropping his keys and jacket on the ground as he undoes the zipper on your dress. You tug at his shirt, “Off,” you whine, and he smiles, stepping back to whip his shirt off with one hand behind his neck.

“Fuck, that’s hot.” you whimper, and he kisses you breathless. “You’ve been saying that all night. Creative, much?”

“Fuck off, I don’t do hook ups much and I’m just telling the truth,” you say, as he gathers you in his arms and literally picks you up and heads to his bedroom. His hands squeeze your ass as he makes his way over, and you catch a glimpse of a neat, tidy living room. His bedroom is clean too, especially for a bachelor. Navy blue sheets, sleek, black furniture, expensive looking place. He was literally so fucking hot.

He drops you on the bed and immediately drapes over you, his jeans rubbing against your soaked panties. He slides his splayed palms up from your waist up to your breasts, mouth following the motion as he laves his tongue over your nipple, palm gently cupping the weight of your breasts in the grip between his thumb and the rest of his fingers. You preen at the sensation, back arching off the bed. “Pants off,” you pant, squirming underneath the warmth of his hands and mouth.

“So bossy,” he comments, smirking as he leans up on his knees to undo his belt. “I dig that.”

You lay back, taking the time to wiggle out of your soaked panties. You thank the gods you chose to wear your new set of lace undies because the rest of your drawer was basically an ocean of white granny panties. He finally drapes back over you, hand gripping your thigh to open you up as he mouths at your neck.

You retaliate by reaching down and gripping his cock, hand squeezing at his base. You can’t really see it because your face is nestled in his shoulder, but you can feel how hard and big he is. He groans at the sensation, nipping at the sensitive skin behind your ear, sending tingles down your spine and your core clenching around nothing.

He props himself up as he looks down at you and slides a finger between your folds. Your yelp dissolves into a drawn out moan. “Oh my god,” you pant, as he slides the flat of two fingers over your bundle of nerves, “please don’t stop that.” You also work your fist over his cock, mouth blubbering nonsense into his neck. He moves the fingers down into your pussy, sliding in with practically no resistance and slowly drawing them in and out your wetness. You don’t really have much time to be embarrassed by the wetness you can hear, because Joon closes his eyes and bites at the soft skin at the top of your breast.

“Shit,” he grits, and he looks down to see the way your wetness glistens on his fingers, “I don’t think I can wait. Are you good?”

You nod eagerly, and you let go of him as he gives you a hard kiss on the mouth and slides a condom on while still fingering you. Its probably not porn-worthy whatever sounds you’re making, but it seems to do the trick because he kisses you even harder and then flips the both of you over so that you’re sitting in his lap. He cradles your waist and descends on your breasts again, tongue circling your sensitive nubs as you sink down on him inch by inch.

When you bottom out, you clench around him. He’s so long and thick, and it’s been a while since your last hook up. It borders on soreness, but the sensation of him moaning with your nipple in between his lips is enough of a distraction for you to work up the nerve to start moving.

It’s embarrassing how turned on right now you are, but Joon seems to be at the same level of deliriousness because he doesn’t stop touching you. From gripping your thighs, to groping your ass, sliding his hands from your waist up to your ribs, tangling in your hair, gently curling around your neck and tightening slightly, he’s literally everywhere.

“Fuck,” you cry out when one of his hands are around your neck, squeezing lightly. You slow down, grinding instead of bouncing, and the new rhythm puts your clit in that perfect position to get stimulated by his pelvis, and his cock hitting that perfect spot inside of you that you find yourself hurtling over the edge much faster than you’d imagined.

He mouths at your cheek and ear, hand still around your neck when you cum, and suddenly he grips your thigh and presses you down against his pillows as he kneels in front of you and begins fucking you hard. The bed knocks against the wall, but you can’t care because the new position has your orgasm prolonged to a point that you’ve never felt before and your mouth just stays open in a mouthless cry against his chest as he tenses and finishes into the condom, mouth panting hoarse compliments into your ear. “Holy shit, your pussy feels so good. So tight, fuck.”

He pulls out and rolls over so he’s not crushing you, and you let out a final breath. “Wow,” you say, chest heaving as he ties the condom and throws it away. He props his head up on an elbow, grinning at you. “That good?” He says cockily, and you turn to lightly punch his chest.

“Don’t get too cocky. It was just one orgasm.”

“But also seems like the best you’ve ever had.” He adds. You roll your eyes and retort, “Well, that’s what you think--,” but your laugh dissolves into a moan again when he reaches over and pulls you underneath him to press a long, wet kiss to your mouth.

“Shut up,” he whispers between kisses, "and kiss me back already.” You smile as he kisses you, fingers tangling in the hair at his nape, and scratching lightly at his shoulder blades. He growls, and moves to your neck. You sigh as he draws more open-mouthed kisses down your neck and torso, and again when a big hand splays over your thigh to hook it over his shoulder. He presses a peck against your folds and looks up at you, and you mewl as he draws the flat of his tongue thickly through your pussy all the way up. You’re a goner.

“I’m gonna make sure you never forget my name.”

The walk of shame isn’t so bad when you basically have no time to waste as you gather your things and glance once back at Joon who’s still sleeping before running down to his lobby. You don’t really care for the disapproving looks you get, as you rush to get into your uber, and immediately thank god that this particular driver offers you a tiny complimentary water bottle. You chug it down, and try not to throw up.

You literally hurtle out of the car when he gets to your place, making a mental note to tip him heftily, seeing the way he booked it when you asked him to hurry a little. You step into a hot shower and don’t even have time to pick up the dirty clothes off the floor as you quickly dress in a white shirt and navy skirt and run out of your apartment to the bus stop.

Thankfully, you make it on time to your interview, and even though the captain gives a small disapproving look to your wet hair tips, he gives you a huge, bright smile when you tell him you’re a cardio surgeon “taking a break.” When you told him that you used to work as a paramedic before medical school a few years ago, he basically hired you on the spot, babbling on about how much he loves people with more experience.

“So, miss Y/N, what are your interests, your hobbies?” Hoseok trails like a little puppy after you as you walk down the hall from the Fire Captain’s office to your team’s multipurpose room. You frown at him. “Eh,” you brush him off, “not much.”

He smiles, pushing his hair back from his face and trying to stand up tall, “Well, doctor, I love lifting weights and saving damsels in distress. What are you doing later, say, around 5?” You turn on your heel, and he bumps into you, scuttling backwards at the glare you have on your face.

“Look, honey,” you sneer, stepping towards him with a scowl, “You’re cute, but I’m hungover.” you say, scanning him up and down, “And I’m only here for a month and I swear if I have to spend the entire 30 days having you chase me down like a little pet, then I’m probably going to just jump off a building. Okay? So do me a favor, and stop asking me out.”

He gawks at you, and then recovers. “Wait...you’re only here for a month?”

Rolling your eyes, you resume walking towards the wait room. He wasn’t going to stop. “Yes, I’m here just to serve a short community service sentence.”

He hums, following your footsteps again, grinning. “Okay, fine. I won’t try to ask you out. I’ll just keep replaying the part where you said I’m cute over and over again in my head.” He winks at you lightheartedly.

“Here, let me introduce you to the guys.” He walks a bit faster than you as you approach the room, and creaks the door open and lets you in.

As soon as the door swings open, your eyes grow wide as you take in the sight in front of you. In the room, theres a half naked guy digging through the refrigerator, his firefighter’s outfit hanging around his hips. A pair of muscular large ones are wrestling in the corner, also only decked in sweatpants low on their hips. One lounges on the couch in a pair of glasses and a plain white t-shirt and navy uniform pants and boots, while a similarly dressed shorter one is asleep. A tall one is in the corner playing with a tiny puppy. All six of them swivel their heads towards you when you enter.

You wave awkwardly and take a step back to leave when Hoseok bounds in after you and throws an arm around your shoulder, announcing proudly, “Hey guys, this is the new medic hire! Dr. L/N!”

The one closest to you gives you a smile, taking off his glasses and setting his book aside to reach out a hand. “Hey, I’m Seokjin, captain. Nice to meet you doctor!” He smiles and you make a note of how hot he looks in glasses and how broad his shoulders were.

“You can just call me by my first name, y/n,” you shake his hand, “Likewise.”

Another one that was digging through the fridge approaches you with a piece of gummy candy hanging from his lips. His face is sharp, but he breaks out in a huge smile that lights up his face. “Taehyung! Hi y/n, welcome to Unit 55!”

You shake his hand too, “Thanks. Do you have any firewomen?” You glance around as the pair who were wrestling stop their antics and approach you shyly. The taller one shrugs, his muscles rippling as he does and you make a huge effort not to stare. “No, honestly it’s really hard to find a firewoman these days and they probably don’t like spending time with all guys like us either.”

Taehyung leans over. “That’s Jungkook by the way.”

His partner punches Jungkook’s bicep and turns to you with a show-stopping smile. Oh. The girls would swoon for both of them, you note. They’ll have no problem finding firewomen who want to spend all day with them. “I’m Jimin. And even though this idiot makes us sound like a bunch of goons, it’s just rough being around 7 guys all the time for girls probably. But we’ll do our best to help you get comfortable around here. We’re really fun, I promise!”

You frown, glancing around the room and counting the people you’d met already. Hoseok, Seokjin, Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin. Which left just the one still asleep somehow through all the commotion on the couch. Seeing your eyes trail over him, Seokjin looks at you over the rims of his glasses, pointing at the sleeping figure with his chin. “Oh, yeah. That’s Yoongi. Good thing he’s not awake cause he’s really grouchy, but he’s also a really good driver so we keep him. You should meet him later when he’s done with his nap.”

You laugh a little, and nod. “And the 7th?”

Jungkook throws on a shirt as he talks. “Namjoon, our unit Battalion Chief. He’s not here right now, but you’ll be able to meet him later. He basically runs this whole thing.”

“Oh I see,” you muse, and give a tight-lipped smile. “Well, maybe I’ll start moving my things in soon. Can you show me my room?”

“Bitch,” Yugyeom sneers as he watches open-mouthed as the guys help unload your car at the station. “You didn’t tell me that all your co-workers were single, hot guys that walked around shirtless all the time.” He frowns at you, ignoring your eye roll, and then switching 180 degrees and laughing and smiling when Taehyung walks by with all your heavy trunks in his arms.

“Hahahaha, Y/N, you’re so funny,” he fakes, and then turns to you with a glint in his eye. “Maybe I should’ve punched that idiot in the face too and I would’ve been here instead.” He hisses, gawking at the way Jungkook and Jimin both easily haul your mattress up the steps. Shirtless, by the way. Again.

You sigh. “It’s only for a month. And honestly, you’re such a fake ass little bitch. You were the one trying to find me a man, and now that I’m surrounded by them, you resent me for it?” you huff. “Oh, Jin, those drawers just go in the closet, thank you.”

“No problem Y/N,” Seokjin grins, pushing up his glasses as he walks past you two easily, holding up the chest of drawers that took both you and Yugyeom an entire twenty minutes to shove in the moving truck. You give him a smile in return and turn back to Yug with a snort. “Wipe your drool.” You laugh, and he closes his mouth with a clack.

“I’ll literally visit you, like all the time, Y/N,” he whispers.

“Please don’t.”

“Oh also,” he turns to you inquisitively. “What happened last weekend? Did you end up going home with that hot guy?”

You pull him closer. “Keep your voice down,” you hiss. “Yes. I fucked him.”

He whistles lowly. “He wasn’t that good?”

Sighing, you check to make sure all the other boys aren’t in the vicinity. “No, that’s the problem. He was too good. I can’t stop thinking about it. Haven’t had a proper orgasm since.”

He looks unsurprised. “Well, when’s the last time you got laid. College?”

“Shut up, asshole,” you frown, “It’s only been like...a few months.”

“Okay, so I guess we’re calling last year’s during our we’re-not-interns-anymore-party a ‘couple months’ ago. It was like 13 months ago.” He points out, and you glare at him.

“Fine,” you snap, “okay? It’s been, like a year. But he was really good, no matter how deprived I’ve been.”

Yugyeom still looks unimpressed, so you pull his sleeve down to whisper in his ear. “I had five orgasms that night.”

He straightens up, turning to you with wide eyes, “FIVE ORGASMS?”

You wince as chief walks by with a stern look, and you pinch Yugyeom in the side as you laugh, “Oh hahahaha, Yugyeom, you’re such a hilarious guy. Why would a patient even talk about those kinds of horrible things in the waiting room?!”

That seems to help as the chief’s expression lightens and he smiles as he grabs a cup of coffee and ascends the stairs again. You drop the smile as soon as the chief is out of earshot and punch Yugyeom hard.

“Little bitch,” you hiss, “are you trying to get me fired?”

He rubs the spot that you punched. “Ow, and no. I’m just shocked. Did you even get his number or something?”

You sigh, watching as the boys come back down to retrieve a couple more things. “No,” you say forlornly, “I literally had to run out for my interview. I only know his name, and I’m not even sure if its right.”

Yugyeom sighs, watching Jungkook and Jimin banter as they come back down.

“Well, at least you have guys like them to keep you company. Did you bring your vibrator along?”

You pinch him again.

With the help of the boys, moving in wasn’t a problem. Surprisingly, the bunk rooms aren’t at all what you’d expected. It was less of a college dorm room style, and more of like a communal housing unit. Apparently, the Seoul station had updated their housing recently, so the inside looked like a newly furnished office hotel, basically.

Jimin was nice enough to move into Hoseok’s room so that you could have the corner room all to yourself, with a private bath attached. It was adequately sized, but there was a nice closet and twin size bed attached, which was an upgrade from the dinky communal on-call room bunk beds that the hospital provided for the residents to sleep in.

There wasn’t even much to unpack, besides a few articles of clothing, a desk and computer for you to do some catching up on hospital paperwork, a mattress so you could sleep on without knots in your back, and your toiletries. You had a uniform anyway, and you were pretty low maintenance. The hospital shifts didn’t really give much space or time to pay attention to your fashion sense or your looks, and it wasn’t going to change now, either.

You make your way downstairs after finishing, with the stairs of course. The boys had kept trying to convince you that you won’t die if you try the pole, but honestly you weren’t down to break your ankle, especially when you were expected to help during an emergency situation. The stairs were fine. You were only on the second floor anyway.

The boys are already eating in the large lounge, and you see that the sleepy fireman had woken up and had starting to cook.

“Y/N!” Jungkook calls, scooting his chair over to make room for you at the center of their table. “Here!”

You smile and set down your phone, taking a seat as Taehyung brings you a tray. Its pasta and steak, with a huge side salad and green beans. You gape at the cook who’s still engrossed in tasting and perfecting the sauce for the pasta.

“Yoongi hyung’s a really good cook,” Jimin says, with a mouthful of salad and steak. With that, the man in question appears behind the younger firefighter and hands him a cup of water. “Don’t eat and talk at the same time. It’s disgusting.” He says with a curled lip, and then gives you a nod.

“You’re the new paramedic hire right?” He asks.

You nod, “Hi, yes. I’m Y/N.” He shakes your hand, nods, and turns away. “Not much of a talker, is he?” You say, and the boys chuckle.

“Yeah,” Hoseok says, “Yoongi’s not really an extroverted type. But he’ll warm up to you, just give it time.”

The rest of the day goes by smoothly. You have to sit in your room for a couple hours though, watching boredly through the instructional training online lessons you had to complete before starting your first day. You’re close to dozing off when a soft knock sounds.

“Yes!” You sit up and turn, and Jungkook appears, smiling sweetly. “Hi, Y/N! What you doin’?”

You stick a thumb at your computer, “Training videos,” you sigh, curling your lip. “Why?”

“Oh, hyungs and I are gonna watch a movie. If you wanna come sit with us in the lounge and do your training or just watch with us, you’re welcome to!”

You pause. “Won’t it be loud? I probably won’t be able to get anything done.”

“I’m pretty sure Seokjin hyung has done basic training before. He can probably give you all the answers to those end-of-lecture quizzes.”

Now there was your incentive to go. You smile, standing up and closing your laptop. “Why didn’t you say that sooner? Let’s go.”

He guides you down to where the lounge is and all the boys chime a nice “hello” or “y/n!” when you appear in the doorway. You can see that a new episode of Game of Thrones is on. You pad over to Seokjin and he smiles when you ask him for the favor, and moves seats to the couch behind so you can sit with him and watch at the same time.

The night goes smoothly, you tapping Seokjin everytime you finish a lesson and him pausing to quickly finish the quizzes, and you joining in with the debates about the show occasionally. Yoongi brings out some snacks, and eventually Jimin brings out a blanket for you, and by the end of the episode, your training is finished and you’re sipping on soda and eating pizza.

It’s nice, you think, a lot nicer than the hospital. You were used to the competitive nature of medicine. It was always competing against the other residents or interns to get a spot that had ridiculously low acceptance rates. There was always no time to relax. This wasn’t bad at all.

But you shake your head. This was temporary. A break. No need to get attached. They’re just being hospitable. You give a tight lipped smile as the episode ends and you take your laptop and blanket with you as you stand. “Thanks, guys, for inviting me. I’m gonna turn in tonight.” you say, slowly shuffling away. “Good night!” Taehyung yells, and the other boys chime in one by one.

You set your stuff down in your room and get ready for bed. Laying in your single bed, with no one else snoring or sleep talking, and with no post-surgery fatigue to get you straight to sleep, it’s hard. You end up staring up at the ceiling of your room, sighing as you try to think of the most boring topics in the world to try and get to sleep.

“Just a few weeks, y/n.” you murmur, turning onto your side.

You’re finally dozing off when suddenly, the intercom you had no idea was located right outside your door bursts to life. “Code 904B Building Fire. Code 904B Building Fire.”

You scramble up, throwing your covers back as you stick your head out into the hallway. The lights are flashing brightly, but you can hear the sounds of the boys in each room getting ready. The first one out into the hallway is Taehyung, and he jogs up to you. “Put on your uniform, y/n,” he pants, “and meet us downstairs as soon as possible. We gotta go, and since it’s a building fire, there might be a few injuries you can help us with.”

“Okay,” you nod, as the rest of the boys begin appearing in the hallway with navy shirts on and their firemen overalls already on. They one by one disappear down the pole and you scramble to get the paramedic bodysuit on. You pull on your boots hastily and then sprint down the stairs, and see the chief addressing everyone.

“Alright, Yoongi and half of you in car 1, and the rest of you in mine. Namjoon is already in his way from his meeting, so he’ll meet us there. Let’s go!” The boys break out into jogs as they hurriedly begin packing the hoses tightly and jumping into the cars. “Chief,” you call out, “Where can I go?”

“Go with Yoongi!” He yells, and drives off, sirens wailing. You jump into the first car and immediately you’re surprised when Yoongi, usually lethargic and slow, slams on the accelerator and your own truck bolts into life. Stumbling into a seat, you ask Hoseok, “So, this is how it always happens?”

He nods solemnly, his usual playful smile gone. “24/7. We gotta stay alert.” You nod. He points to a large, bright orange utility box in the corner of the bus. “That’s your medic kit. You can look through it now if you want, we’ll be getting to the site in a few minutes.”

You nod, perching the box on the seat next to you and digging through it. It was pretty basic, syringes, bottles of lidocaine and epinephrine for stitch jobs, synthetic thread, scalpels, bandaids, alcohol, gauze, and more. You were used to working with the minimum at the emergency room. And seemed like whoever was in charge of this box had kept it neatly and pretty well-stocked. You lock the box when the truck begins to slow, and look out the window to see the commotion.

A large building has caught on fire, and already there are two other trucks unloading at the site, their firefighters already hooking up their hoses onto the fire hydrants and assembling into position to enter the building for any remaining people. The whole area smells like smoke and through it, the glow of the orange fire against the night sky is barely visible.

Immediately as the truck parks, the boys in the vehicle spring to motion. Their uniforms are already on, helmets, gloves, and oxygen tanks and all. One by one they jog out the door of the truck and do the same, unloading the hose from the side of the firetruck and linking it easily to the fire hydrant and getting ready to spray down the building.

You pull your hair back into a ponytail and look around for anyone who might be in need of help. There’s already a few survivors out around the area in the grass, and you run over to a woman laying down.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” You say as you approach her and kneel next to her. Her husband is crying. “Sir! Is she okay? What happened?”

“P-please! We were just picking up our son and then the burning piece of wood fell on her leg. No one has been able to h-help her yet! Our son is still in that building, too!”

You unlocked your box and reassured him, “Okay, sir, I need you to calm down and help me. Someone will go find your son, but we need to help your wife right now. Do you have a phone on you? Can you use the flashlight? I need to see the area.”

He does as you instruct with shaky hands, and you carefully use the scissors in the kit to cut a strip down her pants. The burn is quite bad and covers a lot of surface area, in addition to having a huge laceration down her thigh that needs to be stitched up now, in case of infection or bleeding out. You frown, she must have been in a lot of pain.

“Ma’am, can you understand me? This is going to be a bit painful, but I need to sanitize the area.”

She’s just sobbing at this point, but you can make out some words. “Please,” she sobs, “M-my s-son!”

You lean closer, “Sorry? Your son?”

She sobs and nods, “H-he’s still inside!!” She pushes your hands away from her leg, “I won’t be treated until I find him!”

You sigh, turning around to see if there are any firefighters available. You see one coming out of the building to replace his oxygen tank. You run up to him, unable to see anything but his eyes through the protective gear he was wearing.

“Hey! Hey, this woman I’m trying to treat is refusing treatment until she sees her son, and she claims he’s still inside. Please, if she doesn’t let me treat it right now, she might have to amputate her leg.” He nods, and follows you to the couple.

When they see him approaching, the woman goes hysterical. “Please!” She screams, “He’s still in there, on the second floor. I haven’t seen anyone bring him out!”

“Okay, ma’am, I’m going to go back inside for him. You need to calm down, and let this lady treat your leg, or else it could get worse. You need to stay strong for your son.”

She nods, and turns to you. You spring into action, giving the firefighter a nod as he stands. You frown, his voice sounded so familiar, but you couldn’t pinpoint it.

The lady begins wailing as the adrenaline fades and the pain of her injury begins to hit. You have her husband hold her hand as you pour some alcohol on the area and she wails as the open cut is cleaned out.

Quickly, you stitch up the wound and dress the burns so that they’re manageable. She refuses to take the ambulance to the hospital until she sees her son, so you coax her into just sitting on the gurney in the ambulance and wait for her son. You try and calm down the couple as you move onto address a few more people in the vicinity with minor cuts, scrapes, and burns.

Suddenly, you hear a commotion, and you turn to the building that’s now less of a bonfire and more of a quiet smolder, and the firefighter from earlier emerges with something in his arms.

The woman you had treated earlier immediately starts wailing and crying as the firefighter jogs over to you and her and sets a boy down onto a gurney. He’s unconscious, and the firefighter whips off his helmet as he addresses you.

“He’s breathed in quite a bit of smoke, and fell unconscious when I picked him up. He needs pediatric CPR!”

“Namjoon!” Hoseok cries out.

You gawk as you watch him yell instructions at you and the rest of the firefighters you’d met, brows furrowing and eyes widening as you recognize those slanted eyes, thick lips and angled jawline that you’d run your tongue over that one fateful night. It was Joon. He was a firefighter. His name was Namjoon.

“Y/N!” He grabs you by the shoulders, “Focus!”

You immediately spring into action, running towards the boy and checking his pulse. “Do you know how to do compressions on a pediatric patient?” You breathe, and Joon nods, throwing his helmet and his tank aside and opening the buttons on his uniform jacket before he climbs atop the gurney.

As he begins compressions, you deliver some shots on his arm and search his body for any large cuts or burns. You hook him up to an oxygen mask and turn up the machine to high. “Switch!” You call out, and your hands replace Joon’s as you climb atop him and begin compressions.

“One, two, three...” You count out, as other paramedics swarm around you to prepare him to be delivered to the hospital as soon as possible.

The boy stirs, and you stop compressing, and watches as he begins coughing, from deep within, and you help remove his oxygen mask and pull him up to a sitting position as he continues coughing the smoke and ash out of his lungs. A paramedic gives him some water and after the boy finishes coughing, you help him sip some water as he recovers.

The others help usher him onto a gurney and also help his mother and father join the ambulance.

You watch as the blaring sirens fade away and sigh as the remaining firefighters douse the building in water and put out the flames. Your knees are feeling weak, your heart up in your throat, and your breath short.

Feeling a presence standing next to you, you turn and meet eyes with him. You narrow your eyes at him, giving him a once over from his ash-stained angular face to the bulky equipment and uniform lining his body. Probably from the boots he was wearing, he seemed even taller than from the club.

He gives you a cocky grin. “So, you’re a paramedic, huh?”

You roll your eyes, stopping down to collect your materials and all the wrappers of the syringes and needles you had used to treat your patients.

“Not a paramedic, a doctor. On voluntary community service.” You huff.

He stoops down too, setting his helmet aside to help with your tools. “No wonder you’re good with your hands.”

You stop, sitting on your haunches to give him a look. He does the same, matching your cold gaze with a smirk. “I think that’s very unprofessional, Mr. Joon.”

You stand, locking the paramedic box angrily and stomp away.

But he easily catches up to you, having those damned long legs of his, and follows you to your truck. It makes you angrier that he begins unloading his equipment and uniform off into the same truck you came in.

“I think, Y/N, the moment you started making out with me at that club, professionalism was kind of thrown out the window, don’t you think? You disappear that morning without a trace, and then suddenly you appear again at my workplace. Don’t you think I have the right to be a bit confused and curious?”

“Look.” You turn to him. “That was a one-night thing. I told you that I don’t do them often, and it was a mistake and I’m sorry, I won’t do that to you again. So just--” you throw your hands into the air, frustrated that he looked so goddamn good as he took off his thick outer coat and stood in front of you with just a black t-shirt and the pants of his uniform low on his hips. “--just pretend it didn’t happen. Just forget about it.”

You turn to walk away into the truck, but he stops you. “Wait! Wait wait wait, Y/N,” he turns to face you, the smirk wiped away and now brows attractively collecting in a frown, “For the record, I don’t consider that night as a mistake.”

“Huh?” Your eyes widen as you frown up at him.

He doesn’t look away. The playfulness has dropped and he’s completely serious as his voice takes a lower tone.

“Sleeping with you wasn’t a mistake for me. Don’t apologize. I’ve only been able to think about you since then, and I don’t think that you showing up here out of all the other precincts or departments is another mistake, either. I’m sorry if I came on too strong, but I want to be clear with you that my intentions are to get to know you better, and do it the right way.”

“Do what the right way?”

“Date you,” he says simply, like he was talking about the goddamn weather.

Literally, who was this guy? Your mind was completely blank. Like, who just says exactly what they’re thinking? How could he just be so...honest? What’s his game?

You blubber out the first thing that comes to mind. “I don’t date co-workers. Especially here. I’m only scheduled to volunteer for several weeks.”

He seems to gain a bit of confidence. “Y/N, that sounds more like an excuse, than it does a reason.”

You huff, blowing your hair out of the way. “Nonetheless, the answer is no.”

He nods thoughtfully. “Don’t be surprised if I ask you again.”

And he does.

Every. Single. Day.

When you wake up, “Hey, Y/N, will you go on a date with me?”

“No,” you’d say, roll your eyes, and spit out your toothpaste.

When you’re in the library, reading up on the latest studies. He’ll pop his head in and say, “Oh, Y/N, dinner’s ready.”

When you look up and nod, “Thanks. I’ll be right there.”

He’ll nod back, and then say, “Oh by the way, will you go on a date with me?”

You’d learned to just laugh it off or ignore him.

When you’re in the dining commons. You’ll be chatting with Taehyung about something and Namjoon will walk by, hand you a mug of coffee, and walk away without a word. When you lift the coffee up to drink it after Taehyung leaves for something, you find a slip of paper on the saucer.

Will you go on a date with me?

You crumple up the paper while maintaining eye contact and drop it into the steaming cup of coffee. Then, you stand, and pour the mug out into the trash, while he watches with an amused smirk.

The only times he doesn’t ask you out is when you’re on calls.

Over the next few weeks, you notice that Namjoon has three modes: 1) His Chief mode, 2) his off-duty mode, and 3) his flirting-with-you mode. Modes 2 and 3 tended to mix, especially when he was with you.

But whenever that light on the walls of the department begin to ring and flash, indicating an emergency call, Namjoon immediately enters his chief-mode. One time, he was in the middle of taunting you with probable bad-date ideas, the lights began flashing and you had watched as he shook himself out of his off-duty mode, and immediately started barking out orders to the group and you, responding to the dispatch on his walkie-talkie. It had happened in a millisecond.

You were in the lounge with Seokjin and Jimin, watching a movie while Yoongi dozed off in one of the couches. You had slowly begun to easily sink into this lifestyle. You guys were lucky if you got at least a few hours in between calls to relax, and since the most recent call was a small issue with some old lady’s cat up in a tree, Hoseok and Taehyung had volunteered to go on their own. It was a relaxing Thursday afternoon.

Like clockwork, right as you were almost dozing off, the lights began to flash and blare as your walkie-talkies exploded to life and the dispatch officer began reading out the issue.

The boys spring to life, immediately jumping over to the pole and going downstairs to change into their uniforms. You sigh and use the stairs to run down to the garage and get into your uniform, clambering into the truck as Namjoon begins listing out orders. It was a gas leak in a chemical factory, and they wanted the firemen to take care of it. You were only following for protocol.

“It shouldn’t be too complicated. Yoongi, did you contact the engineers to shut off the power?” Namjoon asks.

“Yeah, they turned off all electricity, but they can’t turn off the gas valve. It’s stuck.”

“Okay, that’ll be the first thing to take care of. Jungkook, can you take care of that?”

You watch as the firetrucks pull in and follow the men into the warehouse. It’s completely dark but they all turn on their headlights as they treck through.

Namjoon leads them into the main gas chamber where one of the tanks is steadily leaking a stream of cold, compressed air out of it. Him and Jungkook immediately head over and begin working together to tighten the valve, while Seokjin begins looking for the pipe that leads into the tank.

You watch, boredly as the men do their thing, when suddenly, Jungkook yanks a bit too hard and both him and Namjoon are thrown back.

Jungkook immediately begins yelling out, and you scramble up in horror to see that he’d been thrown back into a piece of metal that was sticking out.

“Oh my god,” you cry out as you rush to his side. “Jungkook, hold on, I got you. Can you turn on your side so I can see the wound better?”

He moves while wincing in pain, but manages to maneuver so that the wound on his back is facing you. Using a flashlight, you make sure that the metal didn’t pierce any vital organs or arteries, and reassure him that it’s okay as you begin cleaning and stitching up the wound. After you’re finished, you look up to see Seokjin run into the room, and let you all know that he’d disassembled the valve and fixed the leak.

You sigh in relief as you cut the final thread and place some gauze over the stitches. Hoseok and Jimin had returned to help, and they throw Jungkook’s arms over their shoulders as they help him walk out of the building. You begin to pack your things, when you see Namjoon lagging behind the rest of the group, clutching his arm.

You catch up to him, “Hey, are you okay?”

He winces, but nods at you to go. “I’m fine. Catch up with the rest of them. I’ll be right behind you.”

You frown as you survey his features. The boys are now out of sight and you and Namjoon are the only ones left inside the chamber. “No, you don’t look very okay. Did you get hurt?”

He finally relents, groaning in pain as you guide him to sit down on some steps and remove his jacket. You gasp as his t-shirt comes off. Jungkook had been impaled when he hit the wall as he was thrown back, but it seemed that Namjoon had been in the direct line of contact when the valve of the pipe had blown off. It had sliced through his uniform and left quite a deep cut in his rib.

“Holy shit, Namjoon, you are not okay. Let me stitch this up right now.”

He shakes his head, “Let’s get out of here, first.”

You push him back. “If you keep moving, this wound is too close to your vital organs and it might cause infection or you might bleed out. Why didn’t you say you were hurt?”

He shakes his head as you begin unpacking your box of materials. For the first time in your few weeks at the department, you see a dark look of shame and regret written over his face. “I was the one who asked Jungkook to help me, if I didn’t, he wouldn’t be hurt.”

You click your tongue at him as you clean the wound, apologizing as he hisses in pain at the contact of alcohol. “You know, you say a lot of stupid shit, but that’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard you say to me. Ever.”

He laughs a little at that, wincing as it puts pressure on his side. You glare at him as you examine the wound and begin numbing the surrounding skin. “You’re a great chief, you know that. I’m administering some pretty heavy painkillers. Tell me when you start getting a bit woozy.”

He just silently watches you hover over his torso, squinting as you maneuver the hook needle and stitch him up. “I think that’s the first time you ever complimented me, Y/N.”

You roll your eyes, “Oh, so now your chief mode is off, I guess.”

He furrows his brows. “Chief mode?”

You nod, snipping at the threads as you begin another stitch.

“You have these modes you enter on the job. One of them is when you become this intense, no-nonsense leader, telling us all what to do and what to get done.”

He smiles, “And the other mode?”

“There’s two actually,” you say, still focused on his wound, “There’s one that’s always flirting with me, and there’s a third, where I can see that you really, really care for everyone on this team. That third one is the mode you’re in.”

“Are you maybe getting turned on by that mode, Y/N?” He winks at you, and you laugh, poking him in his side and making him groan out as you finish dressing the clean wound and help him get his uniform jacket back on. “Shut up, now your flirty mode is back on too.”

You’re cleaning up the materials in your box when suddenly, the lights come back on, bright white, and as you and Namjoon are squinting to try and reassess your surroundings, the huge gate to the chamber closes with a hissing noise and a loud clang.

“Shit,” you hear Namjoon cuss, and you scramble up, running over to the door and searching for a handle, a knob, or a button, anything to get it back open. You click your walkie-talkie, waiting for the static to sound to let you know that it’s communicating, but there’s nothing.

“No use,” he winces, zipping up his jacket, “The company probably just turned the electricity on when they saw some of the trucks leaving.”

You watch in horror as the vents surrounding you begin hissing and cold air begins drafting in. “What is this?”

“It’s a containment chamber for flammable chemicals, so I assume that it stays at a cool temperature. It’s fine, some of the boys will probably realize we’re here and be back in no time.” He lays down against the steps.

“Namjoon!” You scramble over, “Do not fall asleep, do you hear me? The temperature dropping is going to make your wound even worse. You need to stay warm, stand up if you can.”

He frowns, curling into himself with a pout. “I’m cold.”

You roll your eyes. It was the painkillers kicking in. He was getting lethargic, and it could kill him. “I know, you big fat baby, but if we don’t start warming up, we might die in here. C’mon, stand up.”

He begins moving around, although you instruct him not to stress his wound, he begins rocking around on his legs to try and make some body heat. You do the same, waving your arms around and trying to generate some heat.

At one point, you lose complete sense of time, and Namjoon wakes up from the initial wave of his painkillers to find the both of you huddled in the corner of the chamber, knees curled into your torsos as you shiver in the cold.

“Y-Y/N,” he breathes, and reality dawns on him as he sees the mist of his breath fan out from his mouth. “Y/N?”

“S-s-so cold,” you chatter, curling into him as he puts his good arm around your shoulders and pulls you closer.

“D-don’t fall asleep,” he breathes, and you don’t respond, the chills rocking your entire shaking body as you curl into him further.

The walkie-talkie screeches for a moment, and Namjoon grabs it, responding back to the static. “H-hello? Anyone! Y/N and I are stuck in the main chamber! Temperature is dropping quickly. Hello?!”

The only response is static as he drops the walkie-talkie to just pull you in closer. “Y/N?”

There’s no response, and when he pulls back to try and look at you, your head lulls in his arms.

“Shit,” he mutters, “Y/N, Y/N!” He shakes you, but you’re completely unconscious in his arms. "Wake up!”

“No no no no no,” he chants, as he begins undressing, his whole body resisting the motions as he shivers in the cold, but he perseveres. He pulls his uniform open, baring his chest, and then proceeds to unbutton your uniform as well, baring a t-shirt underneath. He pulls your limp body close as he removes the t-shirt and then completely drapes himself over you, pressing your bare chests together as he pulls you tight against him, skin to skin.

He pulls the uniform tighter around your back so that you don’t lose any more body heat, when he finally hears yelling and pounding on the other side of the huge gate. He hugs you closer to himself before everything goes black, too.

#namjoon fics #bts fics #namjoon smut #bts smut #namjoon fluff #fics #writing #mine #yay! im back!!!

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1230

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”? Way back last year.

What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all? I find energy drinks nasty.

Would you have kids with the last person you kissed? That wouldn’t be possible even in the literal sense.

Do you know someone who threatens to kill themselves? Before.

Would you ever completely dye your hair the color green? Yes, but I would opt for a darker shade rather than a bright or neon one.

Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship before? I have not. Thinking about it, I’m pretty low-maintenance so I could probably handle it if I ever find myself in that situation, as long as I’m invested enough in the relationship and my partner.

What is your favorite food to eat around Christmas? I like anything my family prepares really, but I definitely go for lumpia first if I see a whole container of it.

Do the people in your town speak like rednecks? No and I’m not sure if we have an equivalent for that here.

When was the last time you cried happy tears? Like a week ago when the Permission to Dance video came out. The ending when everyone was taking off their masks and smiling was really heartwarming.

How liberal are you? Enough to make most of my relatives uncomfortable.

Would you mind living near large predatory animals? Yes. I’ve lived in gated villages all my life so it will take a lot of getting used to.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? I don’t think so. The ‘worst’ I’ve experienced is just feeling pressure in my ears and having weakened hearing whenever we drive up mountains; it takes a while before mine do the popping thing and I get my normal hearing back.

What’s your biggest priority right now? To be consistent at improving at my job and making fewer mistakes as I go. I shared this with my boss recently and she told me not to worry too much as I’m doing better than I think I am and that the mistakes I beat myself about have actually been small and fixable ones, but the perfectionist/workaholic in me just refuses to be reassured lol.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? The last time this happened, public wi-fi was still mostly a myth so I had to contend with A LOT of forced napping just to make the time pass by. I didn’t have a phone either, so my experience was extremely dull and boring.

Are your hands unsteady? They’re not surgeon-level stable but I think they’re fine for the most part.

Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music? I used to until I got into BTS. I haven’t really listened to any other artist since getting into them back in April lol.

Do you think you’re pretty? Some days.

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook? Yeah, a few work contacts like bloggers whose names I recognized but have never talked to/engaged with.

Do you have dirty pictures in your phone? Nope.

Have you ever looked up porn on the internet? Yes. I have my on-and-off phases when it comes to porn though and these days I don’t watch a lot of it.

Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? In a case of self-defense where I was clearly trying to be killed, that's right where I would aim. But otherwise, of course I wouldn't. < Sounds about right. But holy shit that sounds like it would look so gross.

Have you ever sold drugs? I’ve never been around drugs ever.

Did you ever try cutting yourself? It was a coping mechanism many, many moons ago.

Who’s the last guy you texted? It was a - surprise surprise - delivery guy who needed directions again to my house.

Who do you know that wears the most make up? I’m not sure, but then again most people I know don’t really put on makeup these days because lol Covid and stay-at-home orders??

Do any of your friends have kids? None of my friends do but I know several acquaintances and people from high school who’ve already given birth.

Have you ever been tied up? Yeah.

How many times have you been cussed out? Nearly everyday as a teenager.

Are you anyone’s first love? I think?

Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? Nope.

Do you have more than one personality? Nope.

Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? Psychological ones for sure, but I don’t mind gore as well as long as it’s fun to watch and that it’s not too corny.

Do you have a favorite YouTuber or do you not watch much YouTube? I haven’t watched a lot of YouTubers these days, but very recently I’ve been gravitating towards soothing vloggers like Anna Park and Mejiwoo. Their vlogs are greeeeaaaaat and I’m excited to discover similar creators so I can watch more videos that carry the same vibe.

Are you a good dancer? I dance only when alone or when drunk. That said, I’m no good at all.

If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be? Continued from yesterday. It’d be nice to reconnect with Raegan for like a day, just to catch up. Then again I’ve since been able to track her down on social media, so it’s nice to be able to see how she’s doing, at least from afar.

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? The teacher-in-charge of my section was a woman. They didn’t really appoint guy teachers to be TICs until recently.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled? Yeah, but it had been a decayed tooth at that point that really needed to be pulled since it technically didn’t have a purpose anymore.

Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair.

Have you ever been to a nursing home? I don’t think so.

Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? Fortunately, no. My mom’s childhood home was robbed though, and their grand piano ended up being stolen :( To this day they have no clue how the thieves were able to pull it off without making too big of a fuss.

Is there someone in your life you don’t want in it? I don’t think I dislike anyone that much at the moment.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? Three. Two of them because they died, and the other one is my dad for the times we had to drive him to the airport though I only cried over it only as a kid.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Andi.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you? Yes.

Pretending to “never get the text” from someone who annoys you. Is that you? Not really. I reply, just not quickly enough.

If your ex came up to you and asked you to take them back, what would you say? Honest to god I would probably be smug about it, and ask what led to the sudden change of mind. I’m doing too okay now to entertain the request though, so idk if I would agree to it or not because I’ve worked pretty hard to get here.

Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I wouldn’t know; I’ve never been with a guy before so I haven’t really had a chance to establish a preference.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Nothing.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? I have my moods. I prefer my cooking shows on YouTube, though.

Do you worry about gaining weight? No.

Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching? Yeah the acting was so fucking cheesy the first 5 minutes the only thing left for me to do was gag. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? They don’t really organize stuff here, or if they do I never join them to begin with.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses' names? Nope. I know my sister doesn’t want to get married + I don’t speak to my brother, so I dunno if I’ll ever have any in-laws tbh.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out? Well obviously I crave it these days, so it actually feels nice when everyone in the family has errands to run on the same day.

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone? I lost Sofie, but I also blame college life for that loss.

Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa when you were little? No.

To who did you last give the finger to? I haven’t had to flip someone off in a while. I’m guessing just some stupid driver.

Do you talk in your sleep? Nope. At least I have never been informed that I do.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? It’s civil enough for the house to stay quiet most days, but it’s nothing excellent.

Have you ever been a featured member on any website? I don’t think so.

Do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time? Yes.

Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows? Without. I HAAAAAATE marshmallows.

Which do you like better: Regular cakes or cookie cakes? I never got the point of cookie cakes tbh lol.

Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex? No.

If your significant other cheated on you, would you take them back? I know I definitely have the capacity to be dumb enough to do this, but it would also depend on how invested I am in the person.

What was the last song you listened to? I'm currently listening to a slowed down version of Jungkook’s cover of Biebs’ 2U. 4 AM things.

What do you look for most in a friendship? I’ve answered this question on a previous survey, same with a few of the following questions.

#survey #surveys

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pnwriter · 3 years

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Endemic Pandemic

Part 1: Seattle as the Epicenter

How did it all start? First, it was STEP A, everyone from China, talking about it and one student bemoaning the fact that some people in Wuhan, China will eat anything. It seems eating a diseased bat started it, as contact with a monkey started AIDS. That group made it back and we had a fun time. The next two-week class was canceled because travel from China had been suspended. I skipped the next group to go to Mexico with Rene and Anne, and started the fourth group with a reduced group. After only one week, the UW decided to cancel in-person classes and that program ended. Now, there is the worry that I may not even have enough work to retire as I had planned. I started job hunting as soon as we heard the program will probably close the end of summer. Now, it's the start of spring quarter, and we only have 20 new students (as opposed to a healthy 80). Moreover, these classes may have to be on-line, so I'll have to learn a program called Zoom. All the signs are pointing to me getting out of this career and Rene is talking about getting out of the country. China and Iran took the biggest initial hits, then Italy closed down. Just today, 3/11/2020, Dumptr canceled all flights to and from Europe, except for England, who Brexited earlier this year. Also, today, the public schools followed the university's precedent, and closed down, as did the Burke Museum. The governor has banned any meetings over 250 people. Any meetings over 13 are discouraged and on my way back from the gym, which is still open, the train was mostly empty, with the buses being just a little fuller. You see people in masks, bus drivers, students until the classes were cancelled, doctors and nurses, shoppers, passers by. It's all disconcerting. People are over reacting, in my opinion...the North Dakotan whose bus driver always made it through when all the others cancelled.

Facebook and Instagram are double edged swords. First, it is and always has been a community of contact at a time when face to face contact has decreased steadily over the years. (Ironically, it's been decreasing directly because of the technology that gave us Facebook in the first place!) I send a photo of a candle burning for all our brothers and sisters across the world to my Greek pagan witch friend Vas. I am at home after going to our favorite neighborhood coffee shop this morning with the dog (hoping to see its friend Pinky there), only to find out that they are closing, due to the uncertainty. There are those who say that what is happening now in Italy will happen here, too. It's only a matter of time.

Speaking of FB, I'm chatting on line now with Alban, my brother-from-another-life teacher friend in France, where everything is still normal. We talked about how people are getting into being the characters in an epidemic horror film and acting accordingly. We both acknowledge the advantages of learning in the flesh, but also know people are lazy and always take the easy way out. Even as we communicated, President Macron issued the edict to close all schools and universities starting Monday. I look outside to the sunny March day and think similar days greeted the Spanish Flu and the Black Death. At least this one is not smelly.

Here's the resume I have sent:

CAREER SUMMARY

My international experience began after undergraduate school with the Peace Corps in Morocco. My strengths of responsibility, patience and adaptability gained from being raised on a farm contributed to a successful and rewarding overseas experience. The professional aspect of my international experience began with teaching and studying in the Teaching English as a Second Language Program at CSU. As the Graduate Student Representative, in addition to teaching, being the liaison between the faculty and the students honed my leadership, organizational and diplomatic skills. From my first teaching job at Saint Martin’s College to my extensive career at the University of Washington, these skills developed greatly over the years.

Writing and editing, International relations, counseling, public relations, intercultural communication,

EMPLOYMENT

English Language Instructor, UW Campus and downtown ELP, material development, listening and speaking and grammar specialties 3/16/2005 to present

Compliance Specialist, (change to Professional Staff status from Extension Lecturer) effective March 2004

Admissions and Immigration Director, University of Washington International Outreach Programs, Seattle WA. Admissions and Immigration for all UW Educational Outreach International Programs. Primary Designated Student Official in the Immigration and Customs Enforcement SEVIS program. 1/2004 to present.

Director of Student Services, University of Washington Educational Outreach, Seattle, WA. Directing all international student services in the English Language program including acceptance, immigration advising, orientation (initial and on-going), information dissemination (weekly newsletter), sponsors, housing, language exchange and extracurricular activities. Teaching an English Language class is part of the administration positions. 9/2000 to 1/2004.

Acting Director, Downtown ESL Program, Directing ESL program with 80 students and nine faculty and staff. Payroll and expenditure authorization, supervising office staff and providing support for teachers and students. June 12-August 18, 2000.

International Student Advisor, ESL Programs, University of Washington Educational Outreach (UWEO), Seattle, WA. Immigration, academic and personal advising. Activities supervisor, conversation exchange program coordinator, extended orientation class development and instruction, weekly newsletter publisher. Taught extended orientation class in ESL Program, speaking and listening focus. Liaison with UWEO Business Office, sponsoring agencies and embassies, UW housing office, and home stay agencies. 3/87 to 9/2000.

PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATIONS AND SERVICES

Peace Corps Volunteer, Taza, Morocco. High school instructor of English at Lycee Sidi Azzouz in Taza. Outreach to disabled children in a special summer project at a special school in Martil, Morocco. From 6/78-6/80.

Member NAFSA: Association of International Educators and the Association of Washington International Student Affairs (AWISA). Received Outstanding Service Award. Reached out especially to the LGBT international community by producing a video and presenting workshops and sessions yearly at national and regional TESOL and NAFSA conferences.

EDUCATION AND PROFESSIONAL TRAINING

Cetlalic Language Program, Cuernavaca, Mexico, Intensive Spanish study January 3-16, 2004.

International House, Madrid, Spain, Intensive Spanish Study and Study Abroad experience 99-00

NAFSA Professional Development Training May 1998

M.A. TESL/Linguistics, Colorado State University 1982

B.S. Psychology, Minor in French, University of North Dakota, 1977

a week, we had done some bonding and I was remembering the difference between the two girls with similar, to me, names.

Like the 1918 Spanish Flu, which took my grandmother Voeller and Catherine Thomas' husband, starting the huge Voeller clan, the last dying before this next-100-year epidemic took hold. It centered in a nursing home in Kirkland, and has taken mostly the elderly. Some say it is cleaning out the dark, negative energy.

Part 2: Two Months in

It's now been over two months since people were sent to their rooms to thinking long and hard about what they have done...to the

Mother, to Gaia. Yesterday was Mother's Day and I posted photos both of my mother and Gaia in celebration of the day. I have picked up a variety pack of online friends...Roial Co (Philippine Reiki Master (I attuned him from 2 to 3 over the phone in an hour-long ceremony last weekend. He could be part of the soul family...other members being Kim, Aric, Bob, Bachir, Robert, Vivian, Paki, Roy, Cynthia, Alban for sure), Mahamed, Eryk (also for sure), Samuel and the latest...Randy. There could be up to 90 scattered across the planet at this time...like shatters of glass (Roi). I'm almost to the point where I can start writing in my books again.

The state was supposed to go into what is called "Stage 2" on June 1, five days from now, but people are still dying (up to 100,000 in the states, 300,000 worldwide) so now it's mid-month. More monetary help is on the way. The veil is thinning. Strange events are starting to become common. I am meeting good people around the world on social media. We send money to Samuel after vetting him, but Kelvin Moore turns out to be a Yemeni hack. Oh well. My gardens, on the other hand, are glorious and giving me much pleasure. I have fresh flowers here at my little at home desk and downstairs on the kitchen counter. The ones at my office desk are from the top deck and the ones on the counter are from the east English garden. I am trying to attract elves and fairies to both gardens and have started playing my harp out there, with melodies that come to me from the plants' exhalations. I installed a lady bug house at the base of the climbing vines and will sit out there when the weather gets better and it's supposed to reach record heat this summer. Yikes. Along with world pandemic, murder hornets, ravaging storms and the 17 year cadydid cycle falling on 2020, a record heat wave and resulting fires are just par for the course.

Going out in public these days, at least here in the city, you would see that nearly everyone has a mask on. It's a bit disconcerting looking at eyes above various colors of masks, the new item of outer wear. The cute barista wore a black one, the owner a bandanna, his wife, the chef, a more medical-looking surgical mask, the lady in front of me, a homemade jobby. Out in the boonies, there is a culture war between those who believe we need to wear masks to protect both ourselves and others and those who believe that it's all a hoax and it's a way for the government to muzzle us, limit our freedom. Both sides see the other as sheeple.

Part 3: Month 6

It's now 70 days until November 3 and as Antonio from Spain said, "At the end of the day, it's up to a few Floridians, a bunch of Ohioans and a handful of Michiganians to decide the future of mankind..." The DNC went better than anyone had expected, with great speeches from both Michelle and Barack Obama, the AOC, Kamala Harris and culminating with one by Biden, himself. This week, the shit show in a burning dumpster called teh RNC has started with hysterical screaming and drug-induced ramblings laying all blame the the Dems and predicting a daily reality of lawlessness, rioting and burning cities if Biden gets elected. Only 70 days until we decide whether to stay in this country, or like our ancestors, try our luck in a new one: Mexico, Spain or Portugal are the top runners right now. We plan to go south to check out Flagstaff and Sedona, Arizona this Christmas. Last Christmas, it was El Paso, Alpine and Marfa, Texas and Los Crucas, New Mexico.

I am on the break between summer and fall...noteably the longest one of the year, often five weeks. I usually go back to North Dakota during this time, but that's not happening this year, probably never again. The last time I was there, I was suffering from depression and I had a feeling I would not be seeing it again. Best to leave it to my memories of happier days there when the people I grew up with were still alive.

This divide in the country, instigated by Russian bots and carried out by Puppet Dumpster, has been the last straw, the one to have broken the camel's back that was my family connection. Foreseen by my late sister Lori, when she said (in response to whether it was now my job to keep the family together), "We are all adults now. If anyone decides to never see the others again, then that's up to them, not you." First, it was LaVonne who stopped texting or answering my texts. Then, Dennis stopped answering my phone calls and stopped calling as well. Rosie and Jamie are still cyber-stalking me on Facebook and Instagram (Rosie made an Instagram account as soon as I said I was leaving FB in disgust. She has never posted anything and has no photos in her folder...she just checks to see what I'm up to.) I stopped posting political craziness last week as it was becoming too much work to research what was fear-inducing truth and what was fear-inducing fiction. The tainted GOP is all about striking fear into the hearts of anyone who will listen to their rabid rantings.

Another week, another innocent black man shot by racist white police. Then, to add insult to injury, a trumped up 17 year old from Illinois goes across the border to shoot two protesters, walking by police to go home and then turn himself in the next day. (It comes out later that he shot the first victim in the back, and that his mom drove him to the protest, as if it were a soccer practice!) I had to break my political silence on FB, which I have just decided I will have to leave. I don't know if I can deal with Liker, the current alternative, either. It's the brainchild of some guy who saw where FB was going in 2012 and decided people needed an option. They need an option, all right. The option to opt out of social media, the new Dolls of the 2010s and now 20s.

I wake up early on 8/27/2020 and disable my Facebook account. I can't quite go cold turkey and get rid of Messenger along with it, because there are some people on there I still want to support. This is the second time I have tried to do this. After 13 years (is that all? It seems half my life!), it's a main social outlet that I am moving away from. Especially now, in the time of pandemics, it will be more isolating, but the vitriol and Hate being spewed forth is out of balance with what's really out there...I hope. There were those who had to spew the venom that the skateboarder that was killed, a gentle, long-haired hippy soul, deserved to die. I can not relate nor be exposed to such unadulterated hate. Their minds have been poisoned by no other than the POTUS, (and the institutionalized racism/hate behind him) as well as hate speech on line. My family has succumbed to the Fear of the Other as well. So be it. It may mean leaving the country if this upcoming election is stolen like the last one was. I refuse to believe that a majority of people in this country have drunk the Kool-aid.

Reading "The Witches are Coming" by Lindy West is giving me more insight, a chance to laugh and even some hope.

"Our propensity for always, always, always choosing what is comfortable over what is right helped pave the road to this low and surreal moment in US history."

Part 4: Month 7

From September 8 to 18, Seattle was socked in under a cloud of ash from the fires down south. I could feel the ashes of the bodies the those who died, as well as the chemicals of the burnt human structures. Breitenbush Hot Springs lay in ashes with only the main buildings saved. I could feel the heaviness in my lungs. Mishka could sense it and acted out by peeing outside the box. On the 14th, it finally rained some and we still have more days to endure. I got up from epic dreams of lost family (my mom, That Bitch Denis, DJ, my nieces who my mom prepared us for so they could come in and check us out sleeping) and went out into the acid rain to witness it. The craziness coming from the POTUS and media intensifies as it's now 50 days till the election.

Then, when it seems to be darkest before the dawn, the triple threat of the GOPruients, COVID-19 and the death-ash from the west coast fires, we find on the evening of 9/18/20 that the Notorious RBG, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, justice of the SCOTUS, died at 87, after having fought numerous ailments, including cancer. That bitch, Moscow Mitch immediately states the Senate will vote on a replacement even before the body is cold, even though in 2016 he said that the people of the US should have a say in the next SCOTUS, therefore, the appointment should wait until the election of the new president...blocking Obama in this last year, from appointing one. This will enable the Dumpster in his last weeks to appoint another conservative, anti-abortionist.

It becomes harder to grasp what is actually going on..these times are so unprecedented in our life times, though to those of us for whom AIDS was an epidemic, this is our second time around fearing for our lives. We know it's a long haul with many casualties before we come out on the other side, but whatever was normal no longer will be.

We go out for healthy burgers at Little Big Burger, where you can get a lettuce wrap in the place of a bun. We are both on edge and irritable and go to our separate corners after we eat in silence to grieve in our own way. Me typing here with all my altar lights on and a candle burning by the RBG candle, as the first fall rains sound outside, clearing the air for the first time in 10 days. The temptation to sell the house and leave the country is strong. The need to stay and fight on will probably prevail, but may not take the re-election of the anti-Christ, the embodiment of the Seven Deadly sins: pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth,

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trickkombowerskru · 5 years

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Masterlist Part 2

A/N:Tumblr said the first masterlist was too long, but a majority of my work can be found was listed there and it can be found here :)

* = Smut or NSFW

It 2017:

Henry Bowers:

Being Henry’s Little Sister In The Losers Club

Henry Trying To Pick A Fight With His Girlfriend After Butch

Henry With A Domestic Girlfriend

Caught

Henry Teasing His Girlfriend For Being Soft

Henry Finding Out His Girlfriend Is A Mermaid

Trance

Safe Haven

Reunited

Henry Falling For A Juniper Hills Nurse

White Picket Fence Life

I Love You

Henry’s Thoughts When Seeing His Girlfriend Again After 27 Years

Welcome Back

Domestic!Henry When The Twins Are Born

Christmas With Henry

A Father’s Worst Nightmare

*Henry Relieving His Girlfriend In Public

O’Brother

Henry Falls For A Stoic Native American Girl

Road Trip Part 2 Part 3

Being Henry’s Daughter

Henry When His Girlfriend Defends Him From Butch

Unprofessional

Wanted

Henry Dates A Soft Girl

I’m Not Crazy

Patrick Hockstetter:

Patrick Dates A Curious Girl

Patrick Finds Out His Girlfriend Has Tourette’s

Patrick Falls For An Obsessive Girl

Patrick Dating Belch’s Older Brother

*Patrick Finding His Girlfriend’s Diary

Patrick Dating A Girl Afraid Of Fire And Knives

Getting Handcuffed To Patrick For The Day

Patrick Dates A Smart Girl

*Patrick Finding His Boyfriend’s Vibrator

Patrick And Vic Date A Punk Girl

How Patrick Met His Girlfriend

Missing

Christmas With Patrick

House Party Blues

*Yes Daddy

*Patrick When His Curvy Girlfriend Wears Form Fitting Clothes

*His Plan

Patrick Dates A Girl Who Doesn’t Think She’s Real

What Patrick Looks For In A Goddess

Journal

Being Patrick’s Daughter

Victor Criss:

It’s Okay

Patrick And Vic Date A Punk Girl

Snowball Fight

Vic Getting A New Years Gift For His Girlfriend

*Vic Having A Mommy Kink

Being Vic’s Daughter

Belch Huggins:

Belch Dates A Cheerleader

*Belch When His Girlfriend Rides His Thigh

Drunk Belch

*Belch Having A Mommy Kink

Hey Good Lookin’

Funsize

Thick Skinned

See You Around

Belch’s Girlfriend Putting Makeup On Him While He’s Asleep

Boy Next Door

Being Belch’s Daughter

All the boys:

*Lazy Early Morning Sex With The Bowers Gang

The Bowers Gang When Their S/O Slaps Them During A Fight

The Bowers Gang Having A Horror Movie Marathon With Their Best Friend

The Bowers Gang When Their Girlfriends Have A Panic Attack

The Bowers Gang Catch Their Girlfriends Asleep

The Bowers Gang With Boyfriends Who Like To Get In Fights

The Bowers Gang When Their Girlfriends Work Hard To Get Them A Birthday Present

The Bowers Gang With Girlfriends Who Have Big Families

The Bowers Gang When Someone Insults Their Chubby Girlfriends

The Bowers Gang’s Girlfriends Being Scared Of Another Member

The Bowers Gang Learning To Cook

The Bowers Gang Have A Sleepover With Their Best Friend

The Bowers Gang Dates Religious Girls

The Bowers Gang’s Quirks That Annoy Their S/Os

The Bowers Gang When Shy Girls Ask Them Out

The Bowers Gang Falling For Their Enemies

The Bowers Gang’s Girlfriends Getting Them To Wear Couple Costumes For Halloween

The Bowers Gang Teaching Their Little Sisters How To Fight

The Bowers Gang’s Little Sisters Having Crushes On Another Member

The Bowers Gang Find Out Their Little Sisters Have A Gang Of Their Own

Hello Again

The Bowers Gang Finding Out Their Girlfriends Are Witches

The Bowers Gang When Their Girlfriends Fall Hard On Ice

The Bowers Gang With A Trans S/O

The Bowers Gang When Their S/Os Get Braces

The Bowers Gang Trying To Save Their Girlfriends Lives

The Bowers Gang Getting Their Asses Kicked By A Girl They Cat Called

The Bowers Gang Finding Their Girlfriends Old Scars

The Bowers Gang Meeting Their Girlfriends’ Parents

The Bowers Gang Date Girls With ADHD

The Bowers Gang Watching Disney Movies With Their S/Os

The Bowers Gang Meeting Their Daughter’s Boyfriends

The Bowers Gang With A Bipolar S/O

Poly!Bowers Gang:

The Bowers Gang’s S/O Tells Them They Like Patrick’s Roughness

Belch’s Reaction to The Gang’s Girlfriend Fixing Up Amy

The Bowers Gang When Their Girlfriend Says Another One Member’s Name In Bed

The Bowers Gang With A Mob Tied Girlfriend

The Bowers Gang Helping Their Girlfriend Get Her Mind Off Loosing A Relative

The Bowers Gang Finds Out Their Girlfriend Lives In An Orphanage

The Bowers Gang With A Good Cook Girlfriend

The Bowers Gang When Their Girlfriend Is Nervous To Be Out With Them

Flirt

Popular

The Bowers Gang Falling For A Stripper

The Bowers Gang Dating Bev’s Older Sister

*Working A Summer Job With The Bowers Gang

The Bowers Gang Date A Girl From Another Gang

The Bowers Gang Help Their Girlfriend Through Her Parents’ Divorce

Present

The Bowers Gang Date A Teacher’s Pet

The Bowers Gang When Their Girlfriend Gets Valentine’s Gifts From Others

The Bowers Gang Date A Roller Derby Girl

The Bowers Gang When Their Girlfriend Fights Someone For Them

The Bowers Gang When Their Girlfriend Is On Her Period

The Bowers Gang When The Girl They Like Lays Out What She Wants In The Relationship

The Bowers Gang With A Girlfriend In A Band

The Bowers Gang With A Girlfriend Who Has Anemia

*Talking Body *Part 2

Dinner For Five

Deep Depths

Sketchbook

The Bowers Gang Date A Half Devil Girl

The Bowers Gang With An S/O Who Has An Eye For Lipsticks

The Bowers Gang With An S/O Who Knows Hair Care

Nicotine

The Bowers Gang Date A Girl Who Went To Juvy

The Bowers Gang Taking A Long Plane Trip With Their Girlfriend

The Bowers Gang Date A Mom Friend

PatHen:

Ransom

How Patrick Keeps Guys Away From Henry

It Chapter 2:

Ben Hanscom:

Ben When His Girlfriend Has A Migraine

Going To A Christmas Party With Ben

*Ben Getting Pegged

Richie Tozier:

Richie’s Best Friend Helping Him Come To Terms With His Sexuality

Human Diary

A Punch To The Face

Funny Guy

Baby Mama

Beverly Marsh:

Henry’s Brother Dates Bev

Bev With A Chubby Girlfriend

Eddie Kaspbrak:

Baby Mama

Stanley Uris:

Makeout Sessions With Stan

Mike Hanlon:

Mike Finding Out His Best Friend Avenged His Parents

Bill Denbrough:

Makeout Sessions With Bill

All The Losers:-

Poly Losers Club:-

Benverly:-

The 100:

Jasper Jordan:-

Bellamy Blake:-

John Murphy:-

Monty Green:-

Raven Reyes:-

Octavia Blake:-

Harper McIntyre:-

Emori:-

Bellarke:-

The Flash:

Barry Allen:-

Cisco Ramon:

Day In

Caitlin Snow:

Caitlin Dates Cisco’s Sister

Killer Frost:-

Ralph Dibny:

Snowbarry:

How Killer Frost Feels About Barry And Caitlin’s Relationship

Being In A Poly Relationship With Caitlin And Barry

Bloodline

Nolan Rayburn:

Nolan Dates A Paranoid Girl

How Nolan Acts When He’s Jealous

*Helping Out

*Nolan When His Girlfriend Rides His Thigh

Christmas With Nolan

Savior

I’m A Flirt

Nolan When His Girlfriend Falls Hard On Ice

Nolan’s Soulmate

Nolan Dates A Psychology Major

Nolan Dates A Girl With ADHD

Nolan Catching His Girlfriend Singing

Nolan Helping His S/O Take Care Of Their Sick Kid

Black Mirror:

Ryan “Trick” Trebecki:

Trick Dates A Paranoid Girl

You’re Home

*VIP

Trick When His Girlfriend Falls On Ice

Trick Helping His S/O Take Care Of Their Sick Kid

Mrs.Fletcher:

Julian Spitzer:

Right Here

Convenient Encounters

*NSFW ABC’S

Relationship ABC’S

13 Reasons Why:

Zach Dempsey:-

Supernatural:

Dean Winchester:

Age Gap

*Gorgeous

Sam Winchester:-

Castiel:

Baby Angel

Jack Kline:

Just Gone

Jack Comforting His S/O After A Rough Week

Jack And His Girlfriend Getting Caught By The Boys

*Restless

*Jack Getting Pegged

*Jack Getting Intimate With His FTM Boyfriend

Charlie Bradbury:

Charlie Going To Comic Con With Her Girlfriend And Nerding Out

Claire Novack:

Safe

Team Free Will:

Surprising Team Free Will With A Karaoke Machine

Team Free Will When Crowley Gets A Hell Hound In The Bunker

The Umbrella Academy:

Diego Hargreeves:

*Diego Getting Pegged

Allison Hargreeves:-

Klaus Hargreeves:

Klaus’ Best Friend Getting Stuck In The Future With Five

Ben Hargreeves:-

Vanya Hargreeves:-

Stranger Things:

Steve Harrington:

Being In A Poly Relationship With Robin And Steve

Jonathan Byers:-

Robin Buckley:

Bullseye

Having A Secret Crush On Robin In High School

Being In A Poly Relationship With Robin And Steve

Security

Robin Dating A Girl With Anxiety

Uncharted

Nathan Drake:-

Sam Drake (including 19 y/o Sam):-

Rafe Adler:-

Harry Flynn:-

Elena Fisher:-

Chloe Frazer:-

Nadine Ross:-

Misc:

Rodrick Heffley:

Rodrick Dates An E-Girl

Rodrick Dating A Rebellious Catholic Girl

Rodrick With An Insecure S/O

Rodrick Dates An Athlete

*Busted

Drummer Boy

Rodrick Dates A Popstar

Rodrick Dates Rowley’s Older Sister

*In Uniform

Game On

Rodrick Trying And Failing To Ask His Crush Out

Adam:-

Casper Galloway:-

Leo Strange:-

Dean Taylor:-

Freddy Klein:-

Alexander

*First Time

Alec:

Relationship ABC’S

Boots Conley:

Boots Dates A Soft Straight Edge Girl

* NSFW ABC’S

Relationship ABC’S

Snowbird:-

AU:

The 100 Arrowverse:-

Supernatural IT:-

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beaufcrts · 4 years

Text

[ kj apa . 21 . male . he/him ] just saw CALEB BEAUFORT dragging their suitcase up the steps of BILLINGS . good luck living with HIM , word around campus is that they’re MELODRAMATIC , JUVENILE, AMIABLE & SOLICITOUS . makes sense they chose that house now , doesn’t it ? let’s hope this new living situation doesn’t affect their JUNIOR year of SOCIOLOGY [ karis . 20 . she/her . pst ]

hi hellooo ! my name’s karis and i’m so psyched to be here , even if this intro is for sure gonna be a wholeass mess ! feel free to hmu here or on d*scord @𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂𝒉 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒂 𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒚#9808 bc i already think y’all are hella rad :~) now lemme introduce you to caleb ( cal to his friends ) aka king of the himbos ... aka the human embodiment of “ ¿ por qué no los dos ? ”

( i say this bc he is somehow genuinely invested in so many things at once and his interests are ridiculously varied . he just ! loves things a lot ! for example , he thinks the bachelor is the fakest show on the planet , yet watches it religiously , and he cries shamelessly while watching roman holiday and yells at the tv while watching soccer ! he uses the word Bro as if it could be Any part of speech and also is very proud of how well he can do a dutch braid ! i don’t know how he isn’t constantly exhausted . okay , anywAY )

the backstory that he’d insist is Not Tragic but uh ... kinda is :

homeboy grew up in a fairly normal , middle-class home by the beach , loved musical theater and every sport under the sun , and was a pretty typical kid

and then at age 11 he was diagnosed with a nasty case of leukemia and his parents ( his mom is a psychology professor & his dad is a high school english teacher ) were understandably super freaked out

once his hospital bills started rolling in , his parents had to go grovel at the feet of his very waspy , cashmere-loving grandparents who live in the richass suburb of newport beach ... and whom they were estranged from for good reason , so cal’s leukemia was the catalyst for some additional tension in his family

at least at first , he was pretty lonely and suffered under an intense bout of depression because facing his own mortality before he had graduated middle school was … admittedly the Worst

while he was fighting his disease during his pre-teen/teen years , he got into poetry ( aka sobbed while watching dead poets society & almost got in a fistfight while defending byron … while in a wheelchair )

oh , did i mention that he LOVED 90′s boybands ? because he definitely listened to the classics religiously . like the backstreet boys ? boyzone ? *nysnc ? 98 degrees ? he’d regularly tell his nurses that cancer couldn’t take 90′s music away from him

there was a period of time where his prognosis was veeery poor and the doctors were giving him only a few months to live . as a result , tiny 13 year old cal wrote and published his own obituary . it’s still pretty easy to find with a well-worded google search , but he hates it when people bring it up . he’s truly the king of pretending like his near-death experience wasn’t traumatic as hell

with the like . truly extraordinary support system of his family and a few close friends , he managed to brave the storm and , after three and a half years of being in and out of the hospital and doing all kinds of treatments , he was given a clean bill of health

once he was living as a mostly-normal high school kid , his life goals really formed , which are to 1) love and give back to the people around him as much as humanly possible ( but especially his family because the stress of his health was truly a burden / caused a lot of tension between his parents ) and 2) carpe diem the hell outta everything

from that point on :

everything was fairly normal for him and his family ! once cal got accepted to hollis , his grandparents insisted on covering what his academic and soccer scholarships wouldn’t ( they also bought him a sailboat but that’s beside the point lmaooo )

cal chose to major in sociology and minor in creative writing bc he just ... loves people and interpersonal connections ... wanted to learn more about them and create art about them ! this boy has such a pair of rose-colored glasses and is too soft pls don’t @ him

homie is known to say things like “ i’m gonna send her an edible arrangement . as a thank you for sleeping with me . ” or “ i cherish you , bro . i cherish you so hard . ”

he’s still kinda like a kid because he feels like he missed out on so much of his adolescence and he loves being goofy and having fun ( think like … jake peralta or winston bishop kinda demeanor )

he’s also such a jock tho . like , if prompted , he can talk about messi’s footwork or alex morgan’s speed with such enthusiasm . he loves soccer ! he loves seeing the fruits of his hard work ! and he especially loves being a part of a team !

and , on that note ... caleb is the DEFINITION of a ride or die . he’d fling himself into moving traffic for the people he cares about … and he may care about someone after one ( 1 ) conversation about how cars ( 2006 ) is a masterpiece

this boy hella cares about people . like , maybe too much . he’s not afraid at all to show affection , whether that be through physical touch or through words of affirmation … ( this is stolen from the 5 love languages ! i’m a white suburban Mom on the inside ! ) he will hug you ! he will tell you that you are brighter than the north star !

whether he means to or not , caleb can be a Big Flirt bc he loves giving and receiving attention . he wants to be friendly / make people laugh / make people feel loved more than anything , but sometimes it can get a little out of hand

he’s always down for a good time – and that can mean partying , or driving to get food and belting mariah carey on the way , or singing around a campfire . with too much alcohol , Drunk Caleb makes bad decisions and tends to hook up with someone. Sober Caleb thinks ahead ; Drunk Caleb does … not

he briefly dated one of mitt romney’s granddaughters …

and also almost got into a fistfight with one of her cousins over politics . why was this one of the first facts i knew about caleb ? who knows .

anywaY this is WAY too long ... thank you for sticking with me ! let’s plot ! i’m PUMPED :~)

#if u manage to make it thru all of this CLOWNERY #my favorite fact abt my himbo son is at the end #tw:cancer #tw:death mention #hollis:intro

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latefrequencies · 4 years

Text

okay so here’s what i did this weekend. idk if i’m leaving tumblr or not. i haven’t been using it a lot lately, mostly bc i haven’t felt like i’ve had an awful lot to say in general. i’m either going to go away or else start using it again in full force but i do want to tell you what’s happened.

ever since the start of this year, my boyfriend Dylan and I have been making plans for me to move in with him so I don’t have to live with my family any longer (they’re very LGBT-phobic - i was closeted the entire time - but in addition to that were also just really controlling and manipulative and idk i’d go so far as to say abusive esp considering that i have a background of heavy abuse that my family’s behavior doesn’t come close to, but suffice to say it’s Not Good). anyway we were making plans for me to run away from them and move in with him, much like was the case five years ago when i left my father’s house. we figured out the logistics of things like how I’d get to school, where we’d keep my stuff, and so forth. every time I hung out with him at his house, i’d sneak some of my stuff there so that i’d have less of it to take with me when it came time to actually leave, and all throughout i kept trying to plant hints with my family that i might want to live with Dylan at some point and that i knew how to figure things out if i “had to” leave suddenly or whatever (which wasn’t a wholly unreasonable idea given that I live with my grandparents and What If One Of Them Dies but w/e)

this Friday, on the 20th of February, we finally made our escape and I moved in with him.

we loaded up all my stuff minus my instruments in his car (which i said I was going to give to my friend, who is also called Dylan, I’m henceforth going to call him DM as those are his initials - anyway it was not a total lie bc i did have some stuff i wanted to give him and we were gonna hang out with him first, but that’s how i explained having all my stuff outside the house like that), with the plan to come back to get my instruments, say that we “forgot something” and leave a note that i wrote, much like the one i wrote for my dad and that my aunts gave him after i left his house to live with my grandparents. in it, i addressed a conversation i had with my aunt just that week where i talked about things like how i had wanted to move out of my dad’s house even before my family helped me but i didn’t have friends who would help me but i do have friends who can help me with things now, what if i’d left a note at my dad’s house and left it at that without my aunts meeting him face to face about it, my aunt claimed that she cares about my wellbeing and wants me to be in situations where i can feel free and okay and like i’m actually getting something out of life, et cetera.

we met up with DM and his friend Sol, I was nervous as fuck and was more than a bit high on clonazepam and ashwagandha, i told them what i was doing (DM knew i was going to do this At Some Point, Sol didn’t). they were both happy for me. Dylan and I decided then that we’d leave the public place we’d met up at, i’d get my instruments and leave the note (i’d made multiple photocopies of it so different members of the family could all have copies). we did so, i got my instruments, the last thing i did was leave the note, Dylan and I got into the car and I put on “I See Through You” by Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats because i felt like it was really good getaway music. for anyone in my situation who likes stoner metal and needs a good getaway song, that was indeed the perfect soundtrack and i am never ever going to forget how i felt as we left that place for good.

we hung out with DM and Sol for a few hours at DM’s house. i kept feeling afraid that my family would try to call me or message me (i explicitly told them not to call me in the letter). they didn’t during that time, but after i got home with Dylan, Teacher Aunt tried to phone me twice and had sent me a text asking me to call her, saying it wasn’t anything bad. it might not have been related to the note though because she ended up sending a message saying something to the effect of “I got your note. We love you.” Nurse Aunt later sent a text saying “We love you. Text us if you and Dylan need anything.” As every LGBT person knows, “We love you” is family speak for “Come back so we can fix you.” Anyone who knows me knows that I won’t be falling for it.

last night was the first night my boyfriend and i were able to fall asleep together, and this morning was the first morning we were able to wake up together. he made breakfast for us and we talked about things and we both agreed that we were happy that we’d finally done it and we’d finally gotten me out. i’m going to start medically transitioning as soon as possible (DM, who is trans himself, knows all about how to go about transitioning and has agreed to help me with that). i’m going to work on legally changing my name and gender too. by the time i graduate, i’ll hopefully be able to pass well enough that i won’t have to out myself to future employers.

my aunt sent me a text in which she told me i needed to call her (for reasons that were actually fully reasonable and i did need to call her about them, i’m not going to get into it). i did so and we talked about it and she claimed she wanted to respect me and knew that i was afraid that my family wouldn’t love me and they’d judge me and she wanted to assure me that that wasn’t the case. despite that, she continuously addressed me by my birth name. unsurprising. i might have to call or text her again, but i’m almost definitely not going to have to see her face to face again. and if and when i do, i’ll probably have been on testosterone for a bit so haha fuck you aunt, she’s gonna hate it and i’m gonna love it.

anyway. i’m doing okay. i’m doing better than I have in my entire life. a lot of things are going to change but most of them are going to be for the better. i’m not going to have to be around anyone i Don’t Want To Be Around. it’s exclusively going to be people who actually respect me and accept me. (i mean i’m sure i’ll encounter some shitfucks now and then, the world is full of them and i can’t expect everybody to be decent, my point is that they won’t need to be part of my life now). on Monday, i’m going to meet with my German teacher and tell him what happened, which seems like a weird thing to do but he’s one of the few people in my life who seems like he cares about me in any specific individual way (he says outright that he cares about all of his students), and being that i still have that psychological need for the approval of authority, i’m going to tell him because he’s certainly going to approve and he’s the only authority figure who will.

but. yeah, i’m living with my boyfriend, i’m going to probably spend a lot more time with DM too (and I’m becoming better friends with Sol too, AND after talking to a classmate in my German class about the situation - we had some time in class where we just talked about whatever together so i told him i had great weekend plans - anyway there’s a guy in my German class called Mitch who I might end up becoming friends with, yay). and also i don’t need my family’s approval for who i’m friends with anymore, which used to be the case but No Longer. so my social life is gonna get a lot better. and everything’s going to get a lot better. this is the thing that i’ve been waiting for. longtime followers of my blog undoubtedly have been waiting for this very day as well. i’m happy to tell you all that that day has come.

#this has been a self related post #family /#transphobia /#homophobia /#school mention /#tldr i got away from my LGBT-phobic family and I'm Living My Best LIfe

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binkysteebnpewter · 4 years

Note

All of them 😤

Ehehe 😂💗

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?

Grace is actually my middle name, and somewhat. I just don’t like it when my family calls me by first and middle together.

2. are you artistic?

Somewhat?

3. Have you had your first kiss?

Yes

4. What is your life goal?

It’s cheesy and a little cliche, but I want to find Home.

5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?

Nope

6. Do you play any sports?

Not anymore but I used to play football and I was on the wrestling team in HS

7. What’s your worst fear?

I have two that are sort of equal with another but I’m afraid of losing the people I care about and people seeing me the way I see myself.

8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?

My late Nana, Gloria.

9. Do you have any cool talents?

Answered in previous ask

10. are you a morning person?

Not at all

11. How do you feel about pet names?

I love them

12. Do you like to read?

Absolutely

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.

NCIS, Criminal Minds, and any marvel movie

14. Do you care about your follower count?

Not really, I’ll celebrate milestones but that’s just to show everyone I appreciate them following my trash pile. I didn’t start writing to have a high following, I started writing to better my skill and also make people happy.

15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?

I don’t remember most of my happy dreams

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?

Yep!

17. Do you have any pets?

I have three dogs 🥺💗

18. Are you religious?

No. They only thing I actually believe in is ghosts.

19. Are you a people person?

Not really

20. Are you considered popular?

Nope, and I don’t care to be

21. What is one of your bad habits?

Overthinking

22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?

Opening up my emotions to other people

23. What would you name your children?

No clue

24. Who’s your celebrity crush?

There’s a bunch ig

25. What’s your best subject?

Science and history

26. Dogs or cats?

Dogs, I love cats but I’m super allergic

27. most used social media besides tumblr?

I don’t use a lot of social media tbh, so tumblr is probably my most used unless you count youtube

28. best friends name

Duke

29. who does your main family consist of

My friends and my brother. Family isn’t just blood

30. Chocolate or sugar

Both

31. have you ever been on a date?

Yep

32. Do you like rollercosters?

Absolutely love them

33. Can you swim?

Yes 💗

34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?

Clearly, I’d do what everyone else does. Panic and try to survive.

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?

Yes, I struggle with anxiety and depression

36. Are your parents together?

Nope.

37. What’s your favourite colour?

Dark green and Dark Blue

38. What country are you from/do you live in?

Unfortunately, the U.S

39. Favourite singer?

Uh... there’s too many to list? But my favorite people to listen to is The Oh Hellos

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?

Nope, I run from being the center of attention.

41. Do you like dresses?

Not really

42. Favourite song right now?

Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Sort of.

44. How old were you when you first got your period?

No clue, I don’t remember

45. Have you ever shot a gun?

Yep

46. Have you ever done yoga?

47. Are you a horror girl?

YES 😈

48. Are you good at giving advice?

I suppose I am?

49. Tell us a story about your childhood.

I don’t have a lot of happy memories but one that sticks out is: I used to go to a private Christian academy and I was in first grade when this boy in eighth grade (the entire school was k-12) came over to me during my lunch. I was super scared and shy as a kid so my schedule was tailored so I was able to eat lunch with my brother whose nine years older than me. Our mom forgot to pack our lunches so we were gonna just get some stuff from the vending machine, well my brother gave me my money to get something and this boy came over to me before I could put it in the vending machine. He hit me and took my money, buying himself something with it. My brother seen it and got into a fight with him.

50. How are you doing today?

51. Were you a cute kid?

I looked like Shirley Temple when I was a kid

52. Can you dance?

I can swing dance and slow dance, but that’s it.

53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?

I always look for exits and bathrooms when I go somewhere, I’ve always done it 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Have you ever dyed your hair?

No because I’m a ginger. I can’t just dye it back if I end up not liking the color I dyed it to.

55. What colour are your eyes?

Brown

56. What’s your favourite animal?

Answered in previous ask

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?

Multiple times

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

My relationship with my dad is rocky but my relationship with my mother went up in flames a few yeaes ago 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you have good friends?

I have some amazing friends🥺💗

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?

Yep!

61. What’s your favourite class?

My favorite class was Psychology

62. List all the tv shows you are watching.

I’m rewatching Criminal Minds right now.

63. Are you organized?

Somewhat?

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?

I don’t know if it counts as a movie but I just finished a Ted Bundy Tapes Documentary. I think Bundy was a little bit of an idiot.

67. Which tv character do you relate to most?

Spencer Reid

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

Anxiety, Depression, overthinking

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

I would probably still work, I’m not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing for large amounts of time.

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

Find a way to die, I don’t want to live forever. That’s just torture 👀

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?

Nothing. I’ll act the same as I always have because I am who I am, there’s no reason to change yourself from when someone is watching and when someone isn’t.

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?

A lot 😂

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yep

74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?

I went to Disney with my Chorus Class in Junior Year of HS, it was my first time to Disney.

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?

Nothing, I’m looking for Home. Home will be someone I feel safe with, someone I can be completely myself with— someone I love wholly.

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?

I— idk?

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

I wanted to be a nurse 🤦🏻‍♀️

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?

Im not sure

79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?

Ooh... uh, something happened to me all through 7th, 8th, and 9th grade that I should’ve spoken up about but was too scared.

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.

I will work hard to love myself and pursue my dream job.

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?

No clue tbh

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

I don’t want to live forever but I guess I’d find a way to take away my immortality or find someone else who is immortal to love

83. How would you spend a billion dollars?

Id put a lot into important causes and then save some with interest.

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

I’m not sure, I think I wouldn’t go anywhere because I want to live in the moment. Except 2020, fuck 2020.

85. What motivates you to succeed?

Failure motivates me to succeed.

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?

I don’t remember most of my happy dream, I usually can only remember the nightmares 🤷🏻‍♀️

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?

Woods, its peaceful.

88. Do you believe in life after death?

I don’t really believe in anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?

I had a teacher named Ms Eagan and she inspired me to always be myself.

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?

Meeting Lily

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?

Lily, because I really miss her.

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?

Anyone being nice to me makes me cry—

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?

Sometimes the people you call family don’t truly love you.

94. What do you think happens after we die?

Idk and idrc either tbh

95. What would you do if you would be invisible?

I’d probably scare some people

96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?

Speak in public or ask for something at restaurants

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?

98. How did your first crush develop?

They were nice to me when no one else was

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?

Yes, I’m trying to ignore how upset some people can really make me.

100. Do you live or do you just exist?

I think I’m somewhere in between, where sometimes I’m just existing and sometimes I’m living.

#grace speaks #100 questions #@breadgenie892 #ill protect my munchkins 😌💗#my munchkins 🥺💗

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szopenhauer · 4 years

Text

When was the last time you wore your favourite article of clothing? I like most of my clothes

Do your parents smoke? no

Do you live close to a park? forest

Is your favourite animal endangered? raccoons aren’t but elephants are :(

How many pens can you see from where you’re sitting? 6

What language do you think you’d fail at? french and asian ones

Do you still have a landline phone at your house? but we don’t use it

Do you carry pain relievers with you at all times? nope

Where is your mother right now? in the living room with my dad

What was the last thing to make you smile? not sure what was last

What would you do if you got home and you saw your house had been destroyed? omg don’t feed my paranoia :o

Would you slap the last person you talked to for twenty dollars? nah

Do you know anyone who gives way too many hugs? they give as much as they need

What are some positive things, realizations or habits that came out of quarantine for you? long story, it’s complicated

How do you feel about people who are “workaholics”? Would you consider yourself one? I don’t like them, most of them only care about money and not at all about health or loved ones, I’m not ambitious or a workaholic

What could you spend less money on? trinkets

How would you describe yourself as a friend? What value would you say you bring to your friends? it’s up for them to say/judge

In psychology they say that our romantic relationships are an extension of our relationships with our parents, and that we tend to choose our partners based on whatever was lacking in our childhood, or that we are attracted to traumas and sufferings that are familiar to us rather than the unknown. Can you relate to this? umm...

Can you tell when you are not well-liked? What do you do when you feel someone is not particularly fond of you? I’m not surprised, I’m used to the fact ppl don’t like me that I assume they don’t until they tell me, repeteadly, that they actually do (which rarely happens and doesn’t last long), I avoid/ignore those who hate me most

How would you say your preference in movies or TV shows changed from when you were a teenager vs. now? used to watch only movies for kids at first

Apart from price and location, what are some deciding factors when choosing a house for you? smell, bath and balcony mostly

What emotion is the hardest for you to express? how grateful I am if that counts - when it comes to gifts and/or compliments etc.

How do you feel about job interviews? Are you good at negotiation? I do well but I still don’t get a job because of lack of experience; I only failed one interview in my life but I didn’t even want to work there, UP sent me to call center and boss asked me questions about the job I was going to get but they didn’t tell me what it’s about so I didn’t know much and I was in my snow boots (as it was winter) to my elegant clothes so I looked dumb and I forgot that I can’t leave the building on my own as they had special card keys and I tried to open door like crazy until someone saved me - that was awkward...

How many cars have you ever owned? 0

Can you do math in your head well? I need my fingers

What’s your least favorite chore to do around the house? laundry and cooking, not that I like chores in general haha

What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? salt, also liked becon in the past

Do you ever read the weather forecast? pfft

Do amusement park rides make you sick? I worry they would so I don’t risk it

Have you ever cheated on a test? in high school, especially math, elseway I would fail

Is your next birthday coming up soon? next year

Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? I’d buy some if I had a car but I don’t drive

Do you leave good tips when you eat out at restaurants? I don’t tip, why? we don’t tip postmen and/or nurses etc.

What’s your favorite thing to eat at bbqs? not a BBQ food person

Do you still own any VHS tapes? we still keep ‘em

How many jobs have you had? I tried some jobs but never really had one

If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it? no thx

How many friends do you have that are married? from all of my ex best friends only Ula, Sandra and John are married, Dorota was already divorced when I met her

Did you have a swing set in your yard when you were a child? didn’t trash it, used it this summer

You’re making a fruit salad: what kinds of fruit do you put in it? I don’t eat fruit salads

Do you prefer to drink from glasses or mugs? mugs, glasses are dangerous, I remember them breaking from heat like they were exploding or smth - scary

Is it weird to hear your name in movies or TV shows? it is, when an evil or stupid character has my name it makes me mad

What kind of kid were you when you were seven? very good student, angel, clumsy, naive, wearing “ugly clothes”, the only girl with long hair at the point, petite, wanted other kids to like me so I tried to impress them (but didn’t blindly followed everything they were doing though), not as shy as my mom tought, didn’t know how to tell jokes, still happy but slowly becoming depressed due to family issues, bullying, money and health problems

Is there a subject you know so much about that you’d be able to teach it? sigh... Where did you purchase the computer you’re using right now? Media markt Do you think it’s fair to compare Family Guy to The Simpsons? The Simpsons are better, I dislike Family Guy, wasn’t there an episode where they mixed both of those shows?...

Do you have pockets in anything you are wearing currently? I do not usually

How loudly can you burp? I’m more of a quiet burp/fart person

How many different letters are in your full name? 12

Do you like making bets? occasionally

Have you ever had a ‘falling’ dream? I don’t wake up, I just fall and crash on the floor then I lay there and it hurts

Do you do anything weird in your sleep? possibly

How long are your fingers? my longest finger is 7 cm and my shortest is 4 cm

Do you like bumper cars? whatever

What color is the book nearest to you? dark colors - black, purple, red, grey...

Can you lick your elbow? I can

How old were you when you said your first word? ask my parents

Can you sit the way people sit when they meditate? yep

Do you like the autumn? if it’s not too cold and snowy

Would you rather have a hippo or rhino dropped on you? doesn’t matter but at this point in 2020 I can expect that to happen

Have you ever cried in front of a teacher? in elementary, in high school I cried but she didn’t notice as I tried to hide that - it was one of two moments through all high school that I cried - to było wtedy kiedy Pepe zabrał mój temat na maturę, na który przygotowywałam się od 5 lat i dostałam w zamian jakieś gówno, a drugi raz płakałam bo musiałam zapłacić za brak biletu w autobusie mimo, że go miałam tylko legitymacja szkolna nie była podbita bo akurat wówczas byłam w szpitalu i nikt mnie nie powiadomił, że powinnam to nadrobić i strasznie się zmartwiłam, że nie mam kasy i staram się jak mogę, a i tak coś zawsze się spierdoli (bo czemu ludzie sobie jeżdżą bez biletu serio cały czas, a mimo to “złapali” akurat mnie?), jeszcze musiałam pojechać przystanek dalej przez to jak mnie spisywali i prawie spóźniłam się na zajęcia :(

Have you ever cried BECAUSE of a teacher? who haven’t? srsly

Do you do a :) or a (:? :) (: is creepy

Are paper clips fun to play with? meh

Do you prefer mechanical pencils or regular pencils? regular

Is your alarm clock set right now? good idea :o

Are you itchy right now? slightly which is normal to me

Do you have anything on your wrists? not right now

Why are you so awesome? :) I’m not...

so how are you today? I thought I will feel worse before going to hospital so won’t complain

when was the last time you had a cup of tea? long time ago

who’s the most recent person on your Facebook feed? (if you have it) my annoying sister >.<

when (if ever) was the last time you saw that person? week ago

how do you feel about wolves? great animals

do you use pinterest? started new account this month

should you be doing something else right now? packing but whenever I pick up one thing to put into the bag I get a panic attack

bye :) bye...

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imnotcrazyidontthink · 5 years

Photo

I am so grateful to have artist + mental health activist Kate Elizabeth share her story on the blog today. Her story has really touched me and I hope it can do the same for you - Leon Else

Hello, I’m Kate Elisabeth. I’m a non-binary pansexual, which is a fancy way of saying I’m hella queer. I’m also an illustrator who fancies cartoons, and I’m also a mental health activist!

My experience with mental health goes a little deeper than just receiving a diagnosis and treatment.

When I was 12 years old I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Hashimotos, where my immune system attacks my thyroid. I now need to take hormone replacements to make up for what my thyroid is lacking. After the diagnosis my parents assumed all of my apparent mental stress was a direct correlation to my autoimmune disease, rather than it being a separate Illness that needed its own attention. While it is true that Hashimotos can cause psychosis, the psychosis goes away once the thyroid is being treated. Mine stayed with me, like an unwanted roommate.

I grew up in a dysfunctional household filled with marital issues and my parents having their own suppressed trauma and stress. My dad worked hard, and had worked hard his whole life. He depended on my mom to be able to take care of us when he was at work. She often did, and often did it quite well. But I think there were things she was unprepared to deal with, and she struggled to communicate this to her partner.

My earliest memory of anxiety is when I was 6 years old, and I was unable to write a handful of thank you notes addressed to the students in my class. I remember feeling paralyzed by this sense of responsibility and I was so afraid of writing the wrong words. After all, I was 6 years old and didn’t have much experience writing anything at all. To be fair, my parents were unable to recognize this as anxiety because I don’t think they recognized their own for many, many years. Instead of asking me why I was stressed out, my mother criticized my inability to write the notes myself. She ended up doing it for me, and that was the first time I remember feeling like I had failed, and like I didn’t measure up. Moments like those throughout my childhood would have a direct correlation to the severe anxiety and depression that would develop later on.

I remember I started hallucinating in fourth grade, and it would happen frequently when I was around 13. In fourth grade I remember visually hallucinating malformations on people’s faces or their body parts. I was probably 10 at this time and had no idea how to explain this to someone, so I went to the nurses office and told them I felt sick. I did that a lot during school, looking for reasons to go home sick so I could avoid seeing or hearing anything I didn’t want to see or hear.

I began to isolate myself from family and friends as the years went on, and my parents attributed this to teen angst. I felt myself disconnecting from the world around me and I eventually lost my sense of self. By the time I was 16 I was on my third year of highschool and failing, while just doing the bare minimum to advance. I had no desire or will to live, and developed anorexia and other suicidal behaviors.

When I was 17, I saw a psychiatrist and told him about my visual and auditory hallucinations, and he explained that I have schizophrenia, which is a grossly misunderstood form of psychosis. Unfortunately, his treatment methods got me nowhere, and I was briefly dependent on adderall. My parents stopped taking me to therapy, and I actually can’t say for sure what their reasons for that may have been, since there was always a persistent lack of communication.

I graduated high school with mostly Ds, because my teachers all knew I was struggling and not receiving adequate treatment. It seemed like everyone besides my parents could realize that I needed intensive care and help.

During middle school, and into my junior year of high school, my main motivation for getting out of bed was artwork. I became known to everyone as the artist and that was the only facet of my identity. I would go to therapy for a few years on and off, but it was always me complaining about my parents, so no real progress on my mental health was made. I was under the impression that life was an illusion, and I had no way of being absolutely sure that the people around me were even real. Schizophrenia changes your perception of reality, and can cause delusional states of mind. It dulls your ability to feel strong emotions, and it can cause severe detachment from your sense of self. I legitimately felt like I was empty, and I couldn’t possibly imagine a brighter future.

I became increasingly paranoid that people were lying to me about everything, and I had trust issues. I would spend weeks isolating myself in my room, accumulating piles of dirty dishes, trash, dirty clothes, etc. I was essentially living in my own misery. My mom often helped me clean my room, but became frustrated that I couldn’t keep it clean, There were times where she tried to not make me feel guilty, but I felt the guilt anyway. I remember always feeling like I had no control over anything.

When I was 18, I was raped repeatedly for two months by someone who I assumed I could trust. I was unable to leave my situation out of fear, denial, coercion, manipulation, and gaslighting. I started to smoke marijuana heavily during that time as a means of escapism. I was only able to leave that situation because he hit me over the head with a pair of drum sticks, and he was arrested and charged with domestic violence.

I now have a restraining order against him. I also have a tattoo on my chest that he gave me without my consent, because I was under the influence of drugs. I remember standing in front of a mirror shirtless, then I remember being on a table getting tattooed. I don’t remember agreeing to getting anything tattooed. When it was over I tried to justify it and convince myself that I wanted this to happen. He treated me like a carnival prize that he had won, and he would objectify me to anyone who encountered us. He would tell me to take off my shirt and show people the tattoo that he gave me. I felt like a billboard for his own twisted personal brand of self aggrandizement.

My mental health at the time was poor, even without the effects of drugs. I felt like what was happening to me was meant to happen as a means of punishment for not cleaning my room, not doing better in school, or whatever reason I could think of to explain cause of the abuse. I smoked weed every day for a year and a half to cope with everything. I’m 20 years old now, and I’ll be 21 on October 13th. It has taken me two and a half years to fully accept that it wasn’t my fault, and that blaming myself isn’t the answer. I couldn’t even talk about the sexual assault verbally without breaking down in tears until earlier this year.

That experience made me realize that life is not a delusion. Additionally, that I am in fact vulnerable to the same dangers as everyone else. I am not exempt from experiencing the impact of other people’s decisions.

This all made me reflect on my own life and the decisions I was making, as well as the people in my life. It has given me the motivation to take control over my college education, my career, and my art. I still suffer daily from all of my health issues, mental or otherwise, and the trauma of what I lived through. Although, what is different now is that I have a self awareness that could only have been gained from walking through Hell and coming out the other end alive. I also had to make a decision: I could either run away from my problems and ignore them, or I could actually get to know myself and figure out how to overcome these obstacles.

This is a constant choice that I make every day. I can’t erase what happened to me, I can’t magically make my Hashimotos disappear, and I can’t cure my schizophrenia, but I can make the decision to try and live my best life despite it all. I strongly encourage all of you to do the same thing. I’m in school majoring in psychology now, and I am going to become a doctor in the field of psychiatry. I’m also still making art and I often enjoy it and find great pleasure in it. Having a creative outlet is so fundamental for your mental health. There’s an entire field of study for it, and it’s called art therapy.

If you’re depressed, have anxiety, OCD, or a broken leg, just know that positive things can and will happen when you make the conscious decision to help yourself. People will only understand that their depression or anxiety or mental illness can receive treatment if we educate and spread awareness. Suicide is an increasing epidemic because people are afraid to ask for help or talk about their feelings.

I encourage every one of you to understand the significance of mental health and why it’s morally ethical to assist those who need our help. If someone you know is suffering from depression or mental illness, or they’ve experienced a traumatic event, reach out to them and suggest they seek professional help and treatment.

There is hope, it gets better, and you are not alone.

Kate Elizabeth xo

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missmentelle · 5 years

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As a social worker, I get frequent comments like, "I could never do that," "you care too much about others," "how do you even do that?" and even people telling me I should have chosen a different profession because this one is stressful. Honestly, I think that any profession can be stressful (particularly lower-paying jobs, such as in food service), and I don't know how to handle these comments. I chose this field because I wanted to. Is this something you have any guidance on? Thank you.

I used to get a lot of similar comments when I was working with homeless youth. I grew up in a very sheltered suburban environment, and a lot of my friends just didn’t really see the worth in spending my time helping people that, in their eyes, weren’t really worthy or even capable of being helped. The only comments that bothered me were when people implied that I was wasting my talents, when I could be getting more money/prestige/recognition somewhere else. I also had quite a few people imply that my job was some kind of “good deed” that I was doing, like I was volunteering at the soup kitchen every other Saturday - they didn’t understand that, no, this is my career and my livelihood. I am providing a vital public service and being compensated for it, the same as a nurse or a postal worker or a city bus driver - I’m not donating my time out of the goodness of my heart here. When people make comments about your job that you don’t appreciate, politely acknowledge their concern and then shut them down. If someone tells you “I could never do that”, try “Well, everyone has different strengths. I enjoy my job and I’m quite good at it.” and then move the conversation to a new topic. If someone asks you how you could possibly do this job, tell them something like “It’s not for everyone, but no job is. I find that being a social worker plays to my strengths, and I’m glad I chose it.” End of discussion. It’s important not to take these comments personally - it really doesn’t sound like they’re being made to upset you. A lot of people are probably making these comments due to well-meaning ignorance, or simple curiosity. A lot of people who have never interacted with social workers don’t really have a clear idea of what it is they do, and they tend to assume that the most extreme situations are the norm - your friends probably assume that you spend all your time breaking into dangerous crack houses to rescue abused children, even if your job has nothing to do with children. It’s also possible that people just aren’t quite sure what else to say. Social workers deal with a lot of topics that make people very uncomfortable - poverty, homelessness, child abuse, sexual abuse, human trafficking, disability, illness, violence, etc - and they might not be sure how comfortable you are talking about the things you see at work, or they might not be comfortable talking about it. So they fall back on relatively neutral statements - “Gosh, that must be stressful”, “I could never do that”, etc. And in fairness to them, they do have a point - social work was named one of the top two most stressful careers (alongside teaching) in a massive British psychological study, and social workers have the third-highest burnout rate of any profession in America. That doesn’t mean that it’s a bad job or that you shouldn’t be doing it - lots of people thrive in high-stress jobs. But it might be the only thing people really know about your profession. You can choose to take the time to educate them more about the realities of your job if you’re feeling up to it, or you can simply reassure them that you like your job and move on.

In general, finding ways to be confident in your life choices is one of the greatest skills you can learn. People will always have comments and opinions about the things that you do, and there’s no profession or lifestyle you can choose that will prevent you from experiencing this. If you get a Bachelor’s degree, people will want to know why you didn’t go to grad school. If you do go to grad school, people will tell you that you’ve made yourself less employable and you shouldn’t have gone. If you become a teacher, they’ll ask why you didn’t choose to make more money. If you go into finance, they’ll ask why you chose something so soul-sucking instead of something more fulfilling, like teaching. It doesn’t matter if you become a doctor, a lawyer, a journalist, a plumber, an editor, a guidance counselor, a lab tech, a stay-at-home-parent or anything else under the sun - there will always be people popping up to offer you their unwanted opinions on your life. You have to learn to ignore it. You’re the the expert on your own life, not them - you are the one who has to live with your choices day in and day out, and you know what’s best for you. There will always be comments, and it’s important to try to make sure that your inner voice is always the one that speaks to you the loudest. Best of luck to you!

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thedemigaydisaster · 5 years

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The toxicity of my home is going to kill me.

So I’m putting this warning here now. This tumblr void rant is EXTREMELY long and very likely to be triggering to a lot of people with some of the things I mention in here. I will also admit the story I paint here does paint me in a pretty bad light at some points in my opinion. I feel like a terrible person for feeling the way I do and the way I’ve talked about one specific friend in the post. (Another fairly triggering point for some people so be careful). I know I should probably talk to her about the way I feel but honestly I don’t think there’s a way I can say it without sounding and looking and being a complete bitch. I can’t help the way I feel but I feel like I just need to swallow my feelings because I know they’re wrong and I’m being an awful friend for talking about it. But I need to get this shit off my chest.... and honestly I’d be surprised if any of my friends haven’t talked shit about me behind my back, it is just a reality of life in this day and age...

I have spent the entirety of my 26 years of life living in a toxic environment. I have a younger sibling with severe disabilities and a father who’s parenting tactic was always to be loud and emotionally/psychologically abusive. My brother requires round the clock care and has a nursing staff during nights and weekdays with occasional weekend days. He has many doctors appointments and things and when we were little he required so much of my parents attention and being that I was born anxious and have ADHD and potentially had suppressed and eventually repressed depression (can’t actually fully confirm that one though) I was shoving down any and all social and emotional needs I had away from my parents. I struggled. And with a father like mine I became scared to voice anything. I was well known at school for being the quiet, well behaved, “mature” child who kinda struggled academically, was highly emotional and complained of an upset stomach a lot. My parents didn’t listen when one of my teachers suggested I be tested for ADHD because it was the early 2000s, I was a girl, and I wasn’t the stereotypical hyperactive, I was the inattentive type. No one who knew of the situation with my brother ever thought to have me evaluated by a therapist or a psychiatrist or even to have my pediatrician talk to me alone for a few minutes to try to understand where my head was.... it was something I actually desperately needed but I was just a child and had no idea what I needed and not like I would’ve voiced it anyway.

Teenage me was literally so terrified of my father I was scared to act out at all. At 13 he threatened to put me in the hospital (for the record my dad had and still never had laid a hand on me) i cried for hours. I have been scared so bad by him that he caused me to piss myself out of fear at 16... you can only imagine the embarrassment a 16 year old feels when they pee themselves (especially in the daytime). It was so bad that I would tell my friends that my parents had said no when they asked me to hang out without ever actually asking my parents because sometimes I had been yelled at for things related to when I asked to hang out with friends....

When I graduated high school I was scared SHITLESS. I had just turned 18 and was very suddenly faced with the fact that I was an adult and had to make decisions for myself. I had just spent 18 years blindly following orders and suppressing so many emotions away from people. I cried alone at night a lot as a teenager. I had no idea what to do with myself and suddenly facing some freedoms I never had before I abused them. I skipped class in college all the time, I went out drinking with boys, I lied a lot about where I was and who I was with. I got myself into some sticky situations and trouble with these behaviors, nothing too serious because I was still terrified of a father who was only a few inches taller than me now.

This entire time my brother was still requiring all of the attention....

When my emotions finally caught up with me and I broke down mentally it was a bad time. By the time I started medication and therapy I was so bad I’m surprised I didn’t try to kill myself. It took me forever to open up in therapy and once I realized all that I had been through it was horrible.

Because of the blindly following rules for 18 years thing and being anxious, depressed, and having undiagnosed ADHD that I never learned any coping skills for I never developing a real sense of decision making and general adult behaviors. I am 26 years old and severely behind my peers in terms of life and social development. Some of it I unfortunately know I will never make up.

To this day I cannot stand loud voices. I am still terrified of my dad. I have struggled with relationships. I still haven’t moved out of my parents house. I am an emotional and angry mess who still cannot get ANY of the disorders under decent control.

One of my best friends lives across the street from me with her parents. Her situation with her mom is just as bad as mine with my dad. She has a boyfriend who for lack of a better word is a lazy bum. Seriously. Refuses to get his act together, doesn’t drive, refuses to learn along with several other things.... his parents coddle him which doesn’t help the situation.

Why did I add that in???? Well said friend and I have talked about moving in together for years since we both share similarly toxic homes. A few weeks ago she was surprised to realize she had never mentioned to me that her and the boyfriend were moving in together!!! I was LIVID. I felt awful for feeling that way though.... I should be happy for her. And then a few days later she is complaining about how she is afraid of regretting moving in with the boyfriend while he is still refusing a lot of the things she told him he had to do before they moved.

Cue last night. I was with a few other friends and I mentioned how I would be lucky if I moved out in the next few YEARS. Cue one of my less well known friends being a bit confused as to why I was feeling this way. I told minimal of the backstory and then my other best friend brought up something about the moving friend and somehow between all of these things we ended up talking about how her and I were supposed to move in together and how much of a bad idea it was for her to move in with her boyfriend. I ended up breaking down a bit and mentioning how angry I was and believe it or not my best friend said she had told the other best friend that moving in with her bf was a bad idea and reminded her of my situation and her and my plans. Again I almost screamed. Someone besides my therapist was agreeing with my anger!!!

Well as much of a relief this was it tipped something else off in my head. My still heavy anger at my toxic household. I have been uncontrollably moody ALL DAY. I just want to run away. Normally I’d text my counselor, normally we’d already have a session scheduled for next week. But she is currently in the hospital and while she’s getting treatment she needs and will be okay and is able to text I feel awful at the idea of texting her right now with my problems. And I don’t want to overload any of my friends but I needed to scream my anger and frustration so here I am..... screaming into the tumblr void to try to help myself without hurting anyone else in the process.....

fun fact. It isn’t helping.

#toxic family #abuse #emotional abuse #depression #anxiety #adhd #anger #i cant keep doing this #disability #i have issues #toxic relationships #why did i even write this

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thenightisland · 6 years

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unsolicited lengthy updates from the ghost that runs this blog

i couldn’t believe i hadn’t done one of these in 2018 since in 2017 so much was happening that i had to like five or six of them so let’s see what we have here

mm - second in command nurse/one of my best friends, the one who’s always cursed with constantly cheating death and people dying on her etc ch - staff nurse/one of my best friends, human version of pink champagne, pregnant rc - the techs’ version of a charge nurse/one of my best friends cb - the thriller novelist who inexplicably works with us, the one who nearly got killed on the unit last year there are others that’ll come up but i guess those are the main players

2017 was awful right up to the end. about an hour into 2018 things started looking much more promising, mostly from a personal life standpoint. which was the least it could do after 2017 ruined my christmas.

few weeks into the year cb finally came back. he’d been out five months. no one understood why he came back when he had so many other career options at his fingertips, and we certainly didn’t understand why he came back to the shift it happened on. and even more so i didn’t understand why he talked to me about writing, when he wouldn’t even admit he was a writer out loud to anyone else and certainly didn’t talk at length about it with anyone. he still wouldn’t talk about it, to anyone else.

rc nearly put himself into DTs at the beginning of the year, despite, you know, working in psych and knowing what that does to a person. which sometimes i wonder if that was his intention, to do lasting damage, bc that shit can kill you. he got through all of that ofc, and had done really well until these last few weeks, more on /why/ later

our hospital has a weird tendency to create odd romantic relationships that i swear are things forged out of a mash unit type of daily trauma. so mm is currently in a will they or won’t they arc - leaning toward will - with a guy who works up there. one of my med nurses who went 7-3 is most definitely with one of my techs which we all knew would happen. ch is engaged to a social worker who worked at our hospital at the time. our director married a tech. a house sup has a kid with a tech. the detox charge nurse met his wife when she was a tech and they both worked our unit. etc. i guess it’s bc we deal with such intense things every day and you literally do save each other’s lives. we always joke hospital relationships are an inevitability. that being said my situations with rc and cb should have been expected and yet here i am, the former esp, as we’ve been the hospital’s most popular pairing for ages.

i spend a lot of my time now breaking behavior cases rather than treating psych pts. behavior cases are people who aren’t psychotic, they’re just violent opportunistic assholes who have figured out how to go to a psych hospital instead of jail. treating psych pts is tiring but rewarding. breaking behavior cases makes you feel almost sociopathic bc you /do/ you have to break them. psychologically, i mean. physically all we really have to work with is a shot and a few hours in seclusion. so you end up doing these hannibal lecter style speeches and trying to come up with threats that sound convincing that you know you can’t follow through on but you have to make them believe you can. they keep taking these “pts” so i spend 90% of my time now breaking those cases so that they don’t keep hurting staff and my real pts. one such behavior case was responsible for rc getting attacked. it really is a matter of 98% mind games and movie villain speeches, since this large violent not at all psychotic “pt” no longer messes with me or any of my people after our discussion about his behavior.

my nursing friend who died unexpectedly last year. her sister was bipolar, which i found out in nursing school, bc over easter weekend i helped my friend get her through a psychotic manic break. i didn’t remember her and she didn’t remember me considering the circumstances of our one meeting. so this past spring i’m prepping a pt to transfer to another unit, and it isn’t until then that i realize the sister had been on my unit all week. part of her paperwork said “off meds, having difficulty coping with upcoming anniversary of sister’s sudden death.” it was like seeing a ghost.

my friend’s mother died. we all adored her mom. she was an artist and a very accomplished one. we had to watch what became a ten year decline.

one of my high school teachers died after dealing with cancer for two years and while i wasn’t fond of her and didn’t mourn her, a death is still a death

cb was a night shift weekender, primarily. in march, found out why when i was on 11-7 he’d pick up shifts. and why he started picking up 3-11s when i switched to 3-11. and why he came back to the shift he got hurt on. why he came back at all. why he was finally actually /talking/ to someone about his life and background before he gone girled himself, and why that person was me. took mm pointing all of it out to realize i was the common denominator but i was always bad at math.

i went to an island in south carolina for a few weeks in april and dreaded coming home since the vacation curse is 4/4. but nothing happened. thank god. i doubt i could have handled a fifth round.

my nursing class had another member die unexpectedly this year too. last year this guy was the one to post in our fb group that my friend/our classmate had died. idk if this is a the ring sort of deal, but now he’s dead, so the girl who posted about /his/ death should probably watch out in 2019. we have an awfully high mortality rate for a class that had like 22 people in it. much like the teacher, i wasn’t esp fond of him, but it is a bit creepy to watch a classmate die each year.

sometime in may is when the hospital started going to hell, i think. i have vague memories of regulatory agencies being around all the time and some of the doctors and assessors literally living there, pt rooms on one of the nicer units converted into bedrooms for them because yes it was that bad. one woman didn’t see her son for two weeks. it kept escalating to a point that our unit was constantly having meetings with the ceo bc things were that fucked up. they were taking behavior cases they should never have taken. there were so many employee injuries in 2018, and we all just kind of revolted when one such behavior case decked a med nurse in the face just bc he could [you know, the person with no psych history who had tried to murder his little sister prior to admission] that pt was supposed to be d/c’d to jail in two weeks. we had him almost two months. the unit looked like a tenement from the boarded up broken windows. we fought and fought and fought for unit safety and the staffing required to accomplish that. everyone was so goddamn exhausted that we started holding admission paperwork hostage like no it’ll get done when you give me the staff to fucking do it but two nurses in this nurses station with 80 volatile pts is not enough, and guess what four techs for that many pts isn’t enough either. i mean it was just every day fighting. i remember sitting on my tailgate drinking tequila one night with ch and us in tears bc our home was falling apart. and the day rc just said i don’t know how much longer i can keep doing this, sounded defeated, which he’s never defeated. there was a night me mm rc and cb just stood in the nurses station exhausted and saying we’ve got to get out of here. but we kept coming back, fighting for every last bit of progress we could.

i’d been texting cb one weekend while he was at work, which was the only reason i had my phone on me which meant i saw the message from mm that said “what would 30mg of klonopin do to me” which was how i ended up with one of my best friends on my couch on a saturday night sobbing bc she had come close enough to killing herself that she had the already half empty bottle of vodka in one hand and the bottle of pills in the other. so i had to crisis suicide intervention my fellow psych nurse friend. so i guess good thing i was talking to cb about neruda and auden poetry bc i hate to think what would have happened that night if i hadn’t bothered to keep my phone on me like i do a lot.

and then about a month and a half ago it all came to a head. the dangerous understaffing reached its peak. four techs for eighty pts, which meant two techs for /47/ male pts, a unit of behavior cases, four or five pts who were on 1:1 obs, three admissions untouched, six more pending, and me alone in the nurses station bc i had to put my one other nurse /and/ the secretary on 1:1s that i didn’t have coverage for. i told them it wasn’t safe. i told them i was sick of having this argument every week. i told them that the last time i had to go to two techs on that male hall the week before that staff got hurt. well, three of my four techs were guys, who were stuck on the floor in a hold with a male pt and barely able to keep him contained like having to actively fight and i had to be out there for paperwork/supervisory purposes. that left my remaining one hall tech trying to contain the rest of the unit, since the others were stuck on 1:1s which effectively trap you. so an opportunist female behavior case came up from behind and started beating me in the head over and over and dragged me across the floor by my hair, got a lot out too i had hair coming out for /days/. so my one hall tech is trying to pry this bitch off of me and the staff on the 1:1s are dragging their respective pts up there to the middle of it so they could help bc my guys were still in a losing battle with the male pt. from there i remember mostly being in a blind rage and at some point admin et al came to the unit. and i know i yelled at them a lot and told them they’d better be glad i wasn’t handing them my keys and leaving. and our sweet grandma house sup told the ceo and nurse exec they could be house sup the rest of the night bc she was taking me to the er. our director had to be me the rest of the night. rc wouldn’t even /speak/ to her apparently. one of the social workers was telling her boss that if i left then she was leaving. everything was in an uproar. my nurse who had been stuck on the 1:1 was in the nurses station /sobbing/. the female tech told our director “i hope you know we’re staying for karen, not you.” cb was freaking out bc i texted him from the er and then was taken back for a ct and so didn’t answer and he had called ch terrified bc i wasn’t answering [i think the whole thing probably brought back bad memories for him, obv]. rc didn’t sleep for several days bc he was blaming himself and i had to keep telling him /the only way any of this could have been prevented was by them staffing us appropriately/ bc that’s the truth but he was still so fucking miserable and told mm “if this makes her quit they aren’t getting a two weeks notice from me i’m walking out with her”. in the wake of all this, the unit has continued in the same fashion of fighting for basic necessities every day, and mm is struggling running it in my absence with her already fragile mental health. everyone is kind of terrified about something happening to ch since she’s pregnant. mm is having full panic attack rage breakdowns at our director. when they had the admin meeting with everyone else who was there when i got attacked admin asked my team “how could y’all have prevented this” at which point all of them started yelling at them, and then admin wanted to know why no one called a code when i got attacked at which point rc straight up just yelled at the ceo /because there was no one to fucking call it/. the nurse exec, who always liked me and was one of the few admin people with a conscience, quit in the wake of me getting hurt, because of the whole thing. and rc has been drinking himself to sleep off and on.

so now we’re at this crossroads, mm ch rc and i. unsure whether to stay or go. and if so, where? our job is like a war zone idk how to be a civilian anymore, but the four of us have been talking like this place is killing us if this job was a boy/girlfriend we’d call this abusive and end it. if the four of us leave that guarantees the total collapse of what little of the unit will be left. it’s already struggling just with /me/ out [i’ve been out because of the head injury which those aren’t fun], let alone the four of us who have always kind of held the unit together.

so what the hell are we supposed to do?

in theory 2018 didn’t feel as stressful as 2017 but on paper??? on paper it still looks pretty terrible???????????????

#time to pull out that awful tag:#karen's adventures in trying to sort her life out #this year has gone by really quickly

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pnwriter · 3 years

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Endemic Pandemic

Here's the resume I have sent:

CAREER SUMMARY

Writing and editing, International relations, counseling, public relations, intercultural communication,

EMPLOYMENT

English Language Instructor, UW Campus and downtown ELP, material development, listening and speaking and grammar specialties 3/16/2005 to present

Compliance Specialist, (change to Professional Staff status from Extension Lecturer) effective March 2004

PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATIONS AND SERVICES

EDUCATION AND PROFESSIONAL TRAINING

Cetlalic Language Program, Cuernavaca, Mexico, Intensive Spanish study January 3-16, 2004.

International House, Madrid, Spain, Intensive Spanish Study and Study Abroad experience 99-00

NAFSA Professional Development Training May 1998

M.A. TESL/Linguistics, Colorado State University 1982

B.S. Psychology, Minor in French, University of North Dakota, 1977

a week, we had done some bonding and I was remembering the difference between the two girls with similar, to me, names.

"If

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withlovekth · 6 years

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Darkroom (Part Two)

Part One

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader Genre: artist! taehyung, best friend! jimin, college au, fluff, smut, light angst Contains: swearing, self-toxicity Word Count: 2.3k

English? Do I major in English? All I really want to do is write for fun. Maybe get a book published or something. I’m not trying to be a teacher. And I don’t want to write more essays than I already need to. I guess English is off the list.

“Y/N...”

Nursing? Do I want to be a nurse? Blood doesn’t make me squeamish. I think I can stick a needle into someone. But can I take care of people? I can’t really take care of myself. And I’m bad at science anyway.

“Hey Y/N.”

Psychology? That’s a big field. But what would I do with it? I don’t want to be a school counselor or anything. Maybe I should talk to a counselor to figure out what I should major in.

“Y/N!”

Is someone calling me? I don’t think so. No one ever needs me anyway. Just let me fade away.

“Hey!”

I feel someone grab me by the shoulder. I sit up in my seat, yanking out the earbud from my right ear.

“Were you asleep with that loud ass music blaring in your ears?” Taehyung looks down at me.

“Oh, Taehyung.” I take the left earbud out and pause my music.

“Kim Taehyung, the one and only.” He smiles.

“I wasn’t sleeping.” I frown. “I was thinking.”

“About?” He places his messenger bag on the table and takes the seat next to me.

We were alone in the classroom. Everyone was developing pictures in the darkroom and our professor was in his office.

“Stuff.” I lie my head back onto the table.

Taehyung rummages through his bag. “Were you thinking about me?” He quickly looks at me to see how I’d react.

“I’d rather be thinking about you.” I grin at him.

He gasps. “Wah, thanks!”

I roll my eyes at him. “Anyways. What are you looking for?”

He pulls out a folder and slides it to me. “These.”

I open it up. It was filled with photos of Jimin.

“Taehyung, these look great! When did you take them?” I cycle through the black and white photos of Jimin in different poses and places.

“The earliest photos are from like two weeks ago.”

“Are these for the storytelling assignment?”

“Yes and no. I need to choose which ones to use for the project and find an order for them to see if they even tell a story. And some of them are just for my own personal portfolio.”

“These are so good.” I’m legitimately amazed. The camera work plus the way he chose to develop everything works so well for each photo.

“Ah. Thanks.” He bows his head in embarrassment.

I silently continue to flip through the photos. My favourite one is probably the one of Jimin chilling outside of his balcony with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, most likely shot from Taehyung’s balcony. The cigarette was probably Taehyung’s too, but with sitting this close to him, it doesn’t smell like Taehyung smokes. He actually smells pretty good.

There was a photo of Jimin standing outside his house. It doesn’t seem like he actually knows his picture is being taken. He’s laughing while talking to a girl whose back is turned to the camera.

“Is that...” I flip to the next photo. It’s me. “When did you take this?” I look good in the photo, so it doesn’t bother me too much that he took my picture without my knowledge. But I have to admit it was a bit creepy.

“I don’t really remember. Maybe sometime last week?”

“Mm.”

There weren’t anymore photos of me until I reach the end. The last photo is the one from the day I met him. The one where I’m holding Jimin’s hand to my face.

“You guys look good together,” he leans closer to me to get a better look at the picture.

“You think so?” I laugh.

“Are you guys more than just best friend?” We make eye contact. There was something so loaded about that question.

“No, no.” I wave him off. “We’ve been best friends since like middle school. We tried to date once. When we first met. But we decided we’d be better off as friends. We were like thirteen anyway. Young and dumb.”

“Ah,” he nods his head. “I see.”

I nod my head. “Mhm.”

There was an awkward silence.

He coughs. “Were you going to go into the darkroom later?”

“Nah. Not today. I was just going to chill here then leave.”

“I wasn’t planning on to either. I just peaked into the room to see who was here and I found you.”

“Wanna go do something? I’m done with class for the day.” I ask him out before remembering Jimin’s warning.

“Yeah sure.” His stomach growls. “I’m starving. I didn’t get to eat breakfast.” He gathers his things.

“I never eat breakfast. It’s either eat breakfast or always be late to my morning classes.”

We get up and leave the room.

“I think it’d be better if you just stop taking morning classes. I can’t believe our professor never calls you out for being asleep.”

“He said himself he’s not a morning person and doesn’t get why the school schedules him for morning classes. I think he understands.”

We make our way to Taehyung’s car.

“Do you drive?” He asks as we get into his car.

“Yeah, but I didn’t drive today. I didn’t want to lose my street parking. My neighbors are assholes.”

Taehyung backs out of the spot and begins to drive.

“I feel it.” He nods his head.

“What. Are you referring to Jimin?” I giggle.

He chuckles. “Chim Chim can be so mean sometimes.”

“I totally feel that.” I lean against the window.

“I wonder why he kept you away from me for so long.”

I watch him as he nonchalantly drives with his left hand on the wheel and the right on the stick, despite driving an automatic car. Something about that made him look kinda cool.

“Maybe he wants me all for himself,” I joke.

His lips form a small smile. “Funny. That’s what I was thinking.”

Just what else are you thinking, Taehyung?

I can hear it now, Jimin scolding me for hanging out alone with Taehyung. I just want to see for myself how bad this guy Jimin says he can be.

“How long have you known about me?” I question, looking out the window.

I can feel him looking at me. “I guess since you guys ended up in the same classes in seventh grade. He told me about that time in P.E. where the guys in your class were making fun of him for being a dancer and you defended him. I thought you were so cool and he did too.”

“It was nothing. Kids can be so cruel.” I laugh.

“I heard one of the kids called him the f-slur and you pulled him by the collar and decked him in the face so fast, he really didn’t know what was coming to him. Was it worth getting suspended the first week of school?”

“I got a few bruises but it totally worth it.” I put up an ok-hand sign. “Jimin put in a good word for me anyway so I was only suspended for the rest of the week. The other kids were suspended longer for bullying.”

“I really wanted to meet you after hearing that story. I never got the chance to. It felt like coincidence that we kept missing each other. Well, until high school happened and it felt like Jimin was purposely timing it so that we don’t ever meet.” His stomach growls again. “Do you want to eat anywhere specifically? I think we still have leftovers from dinner last night that I can make into an omelette if you wanna come over,” he changes the subject.

“Yeah we can go to your place. I’m always down to save money.”

The second awkward silence of the day rolls in.

“So,” I start. “What makes you think Jimin doesn’t want us seeing each other?”

“We’re good friends. But sometimes I get the feeling that he thinks I’m a bad person.”

Looks like you’re not dumb, Kim Taehyung.

“I don’t think you’re a bad person.”

“Of course you don’t Y/N. We just met,” he puts it out there so flatly.

“Are you saying you are a bad person?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t mean it that way.” He pulls up into his driveway.

It’s strange to see Jimin’s house from this perspective, through Taehyung’s yard. This weird guilt forms over me. I try my best to calm down when I realize Jimin’s car isn’t in the driveway. What he doesn’t know, won’t get him upset with me.

We walk through the front door.

“My family isn’t home by the way. I hope that’s okay with you?”

We take off our shoes at the doorway and walk into the house. Taehyung’s place looks likes a mirrored version of Jimin’s house except for the different furniture. I strangely feel right at home.

We walk through a short hallway towards the kitchen. On the wall was a familiar framed photo. Jimin was smiling next to a shy boy, partially hiding behind a bouquet of flowers.

“Oh my God. Jimin has the same exact photo hanging in his house.” I point at him. “You? You’re the kid in the photo?”

“Yeah? Why do you sound so excited?”

I feel my face get warm from embarrassment. “The first time I visited Jimin was in the eighth grade. I asked about the kid in the photo. Jimin questioned why I was asking and I told him I thought he was cute. Jimin just brushed it off and said it was just a friend and the conversation ended there.”

Taehyung looks at the photo. “That was in seventh grade after one of Jimin’s dance performances. Me and my parents surprised him after and that’s when we took the picture. Then our families went to get some dinner to celebrate.”

“Maybe that’s why...”

“He didn’t want us to meet,” he finishes my sentence. His jaw drops. “You called me cute back then and maybe he got jealous.”

I let out a genuine surprised gasp. “That’s exactly what I was thinking! But is Jimin isn’t like that. He doesn’t really get jealous... Does he?”

“I mean he’d always argue with his brother because he wanted something his brother had. But I mean, they’re brothers and siblings fight all the time. Does that count?”

We go into the kitchen and he prepares to make us breakfast. I sit at the dining table.

“I don’t think so... That sounds kind of a dumb thing to be jealous about though. I mean I call him cute all the time.”

“Yeah, you’re right. That is kinda dumb. There’s probably more to it.” I watch him cut up some leftover steak from the fridge. He cracks a couple eggs into a bowl and scrambles them, adding some salt, pepper, and cheese. He pours the mixture into a preheated pan. “Maybe we should confront him about it.”

“Maybe...”

Maybe. But I know Jimin. He should have a good reason to not trust Taehyung around me. Was he lying about the art thing? Would Taehyung really use me and throw me away when he’s done with me? Jimin would never lie about anything like that.

“Hey, what are you thinking about now, daydreamer?” Taehyung places a plated omelette in front of me.

“Can we go to your room?”

“Woah. Let me dine you first.” He takes a bite of his food. “Moving a little too fast there, aren’t we?”

I feel my face get hot after realizing what I just said. “I-I didn’t mean it like that—”

“I know,” he chuckles. “I know you’re not like that. Jimin really has told me a lot about you.”

“That’s comforting that he talks so highly of me.” I take a fork full of food. “Okay, what the fuck Kim Taehyung. An a amazing photographer? And a great cook? That’s not fair, you can’t have multiple good traits.”

He covers his smile behind his hand. “Thanks. I try.”

We finish up our breakfast. I help him with the dishes.

“Has Jimin really not mention anything about me?” He asks while drying a plate.

I pause to think. “He has mentioned you a couple times, never by name but by ‘my neighbor.’ I don’t really remember what he said, but don’t worry, they were all good things... Unless he was talking about another neighbor.”

“I’m the only one he talks to in this neighborhood. I guess it kinda makes me glad he talks about me. We’ve been friends for so long. He wasn’t always so cold towards me. We used to have sleepovers all the time as kids. We’d stay up way past our bedtime to talk about everything.”

We walk up stairs to his room.

“Make yourself at home, since it seems like you already know my home.” He sits down at his desk. “You can take a seat on my bed.”

With his permission, I do as he says. “Of course I do, it’s exactly like Jimin’s house.”

I look around his room. It looks nothing like Jimin’s. Different works of art hang all over the painted grey walls. None of them look too personal, unlike Jimin’s walls which are full of polaroids of and art made by friends, and posters of his interests accompanied by clear stringed lights that go all around his room. Jimin’s room feels cozy while Taehyung’s room feels more like an art studio.

“So why did you want to come up here?” He swivels around in his chair.

“I just wanted to see how different your room was compared to Jimin’s.” I’m mostly honest. I wanted to see for myself these art pieces Jimin was talking about.

“Speaking of which, it looks like he’s home.” He smiles and waves.

I turn my head towards the balcony to lock eyes with Jimin. He walks over to his window and shuts the curtains.

Side Note: I never know when is the right time to update but I finally posted this even if I literally had this written out after posting part one. Leave me any feedback so I can be inspired to keep updating!

#bangtanwriters-net #pocarmysunited #bangtanbuds #boy group writers net #taehyung x reader #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #bts scenarios

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