#weird how in just a few months i'll be in my last year of high school | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

giowritess · 4 months

Text

fortnight [1]

gif by @dameronscopilot

pairing | Benny Miller x female!reader [Grace Stratford]summary | you somehow end up pretending to be Benny's girlfriend for two whole weeks. is your heart going to survive that? probably not. warnings | mentions of sex, alcohol, mentions of cheating by a third character word count | 1.7k author's note | so. happy new year! i deeply apologize for not showing my face here for the last two years lol things have been complicated and i haven't found the time to write. i've recently fell in love again with the miller brothers from triple frontier and this came up completely random, it's gonna be a small series and i'll post as soon as i write them. future smut. no mentions of y/n; grace's name is only mentioned once. english is my second language and this wasn't proofread so i apologize for any mistakes. hope you enjoy it. xx masterlist | main masterlist

fortnight

"Meaning: 14 days; fort·night ˈfȯrt-ˌnīt : a period of 14 days : two weeks."

Pretending to be Benny Miller's girlfriend for two whole weeks wasn't how you planned to spend your days off, but here you were.

After working so hard for so long, you finally had your well-reserved month off, plus a few days more. You spent a few days with your family and now were all set to enjoy two weeks of summer bliss at a friend's super fancy summer house, along with lots of other friends and others not so much, as you soon found out.

The moment you got there, you could hear the laughter coming from the house—a mansion, one could say—even from your car. The moment Will showed up at the doorway, Maddie, your best friend and his girlfriend, jumped out of the car to run to him and you rolled your eyes. They saw each other yesterday. But then Benny showed up at the door, shirtless, laughing as Will picked Maddie off the ground, and you sighed.

Yeah, you had it bad, and he was completely oblivious to it.

While you and Maddie made the trip there, she filled you in on a lot of things. The house belonged to Luke's parents, Luke being an Army buddy of the boys and your long time friend since high school. What a small world, right? Besides him and the three in front of you, you couldn't say you were “friends” with that many other people there. At best, “acquaintance” was the most appropriate word, but you didn't mind, you were there to enjoy the summer, the Fourth of July and Luke's birthday. But the thing is, Maddie also told you some other rather interesting things. Benny was pissed for two reasons: one, he was the only single guy there, and two, his ex-girlfriend was there with her new boyfriend. His ex that, according to Maddie, was the one who broke things up and he still had a thing for. His ex that Maddie hated because she was a typical Regina George—nevermind being almost thirty.

The idea started to form in your head the moment Maddie told you all that, but you still weren't so sure of it.

The thing was, your relationship with Benny was weird. Since Maddie was your soul sister and you were always around when you weren't deployed, he was basically a brother-in-law to you. You two had always been friends, got along just fine; there was, however, one alcohol-filled event two years ago that changed the trajectory of your relationship.

You still remembered it as if it had happened yesterday. You'd just gotten back from deployment, happy to be home at the beginning of summer, your favorite season. Maddie and Will were in the early stage of their romance, lots of longing glances and unsaid words, so you were starting to be around Will and Benny more frequently. The thing was—you had a thing for Benny since, well, ever. You just couldn't help it, guys who knew how to make you laugh were your downfall, and it was only a bonus that he was handsome as fuck and had eyes that made your parties drop. Suffice to say, Benny Miller was your dream guy, but he never made a move on you as seemed interested in you. It wasn't that you weren't brave enough to go for it—you just couldn't bear the possibility of being rejected by him, so you accepted your fate of liking him from afar.

That night in particular, your first night back, the four of you were at your favorite bar to celebrate your Captain promotion—after four whole years in the Air Force, you finally had a helicopter to call your own. To say you were happy was to say the least; you were estatic. Your little brother would be proud of you. All drinks that night were on Maddie and the boys; you weren't a heavy drinker, but that night you let loose and really enjoyed yourself. And shit, you could swear Benny had never looked as good as he did that day. It didn't help that you hadn't had sex in a million years and he was basically sex on legs, nor did the fact that the trash bag of your ex, who cheated and dumped you through a phone call while you were overseas, had just walked in with his brand new girlfriend, the one who he cheated with. It served only to make you want Benny even more—he was so much more man than your ex, and you'd bet an arm that he was better at sex, too. You were sure of it, even though the only place he'd been recently (every night) was in your dreams.

You were both drunk, you more than him. Maddie and Will had abandoned you already. You weren't sure how—maybe because of your sex deprived and lust-filled mind—, but the subject turned to sex, asking each other what sort of crazy things you'd already done. The thing in question was 69, which you'd never done, and Benny surprised you when he denied it, too.

And then, maybe it was the alcohol running through your veins, fogging your brain. Or how close he was and how good his perfume smelled. Or maybe you'd just had enough, so you said, taking a sip of your beer:

“I bet you know how to properly eat a girl out.”

You saw the moment his eyes darkened, one of his eyebrows raising up. He slowly placed his beer on the table. You didn’t breathe, feeling as if you were about to die while waiting for his reply.

“Wanna find out, Captain Stratford?”

You were bracing yourself for a rejection, for him to say he wasn’t interested in you that way, anything but that. You definitely weren’t expecting that. He didn't ask, but you'd never had sex in a car before. Or had three orgasms on the same occasion that weren't self-induced before. But yeah, he was way better than your ex, and your dreams.

But then it got awkward between you two afterwards. Sure, it was the best sex of your entire life, and sure, you'd love for it to happen again, but you weren't really sure how to treat Benny. So you tried to act as natural as possible and so did he, almost as if pretending that nothing had happened. Except it had, and every time you looked at him, you remembered it. Everytime you looked at his hands, you remembered how well he worked you up with those long fingers. Everytime you looked at his face, you remembered his beard glistening with your juices after he made you come twice with his lips alone. Whenever you saw him holding something, you remembered how good it felt to have those fingers wrapped around your throat while his cook hit every right spot, again and again. Safe to say, you were having a hard time focusing whenever he was around, and it made you wonder if the remembered it, too, when he looked at you, because sometimes you could swear he looked like he did. And sometimes... sometimes he looked at you the same way he did that very same might when he asked you that question. But then it faded as quickly as it came. So you tried to treat him like you used to, but for the past two years it seemed to have an elephant in the room with you, and you just didn't know what to do about it.

Truly, you'd already accepted that nothing would ever happen between you two again. But the moment Maddie told you all that, the gears in your brain started working. It was risky—what if he didn't like it? And honestly, why? It wasn't as if you really wanted him to get back with his ex... yeah, there was no rational motive you could come up with. At least no motives that weren't selfish. But then, still sitting at the driver’s seat in your car, you glimpsed your ex, wrapped around his current girlfriend—a new one, who looked suspiciously like you—by the pool, and that gave you the courage to go ahead with your plan. So that was how you found yourself in your current predicament. Exactly when Benny was awkwardly talking with his ex, still by the door, you called out his name and went to him, the surprise evident in his face. And then you kissed him.

This was the defining moment. You were scared of his reaction—and then he kissed you back, way more fiercely than you expected, his tongue slipping into your mouth, until the girl in front of you cleared her throat.

“And you are?” She asked, and the tone of her voice made you want to strangle her.

Instead, you took the jealousy and anger cursing through you and transformed into confidence, and you gave her your best smile.

“I'm Grace,” you replied, and you felt Benny's eyes on you. “Benny’s girlfriend.”

You didn't know what surprised you more: the giant scowl in her face, or one of his hands going around your body.

“I'm sorry, what is it again? Pam, Tam?” You asked before she said a thing.

You knew damn well what her name was.

“Sam,” she replied through gritted teeth.

“Oh, that's right. Lovely to meet you.” You turned to him, dismissing her entirely. “Help with the bags?”

He nodded and gave her an apologetic look, before grabbing your hand (another surprise) and following you to your car. The moment you opened the trunk, he let go of your hand and you already missed the contact.

“What's going on?” He asked, confusion clouding his beautiful features.

You glanced around to make sure you were alone and tugged him closer.

“Look,” you whispered, “both our exes are here, and according to Maddie, you still like her. This way, you make her jealous, maybe win her back, and I rub it in his face that I landed someone way better than him.” His lips tugged up in the slightest shadow of a smirk. “What do you say?”

You didn't realize you were holding your breath until he replied.

“Huh. That's really smart,” he said, surprising you once again.

You expected him to say something more, but then he grabbed the bags and walked back towards the house.

And that was how you found yourself pretending to be Benny Miller's girlfriend for two weeks.

Would your heart survive those two weeks? Probably not.

by @reveriesources

➜ part two

#benny miller smut #benny miller fanfic #benny miller x reader #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfic #benny miller fanfiction #benny miller x female reader #benny miller x you #triple frontier fic #triple frontier fanfiction #will miller #giowritess #garrett hedlund #Garrett hedlund fanfic #writing #fanfiction

101 notes · View notes

imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 7 months

Text

The One I've Been Waiting For {Part 04 of 13}

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Older!reader

Word count: 2 K

Summary: Billy Hargrove is just one of the many students you're supposed to help. The last thing you expect from your interaction is that he'll start flirtt with you... Much less that Billy would stir up feelings you'd rather keep hidden. Despite the mutual sentiments that soon enough start to grow, there are a lot of reasons for whatever it is to be left alone, and one of them is your age...

<- Previous part (03)

Next Part (05) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

A/N: In this story, reader is 5 years older than Billy, who's 18.

•••

The Heart and the Mind

Billy's mind is a chaotic place. But this time is for a whole different reason. It's been a while since he got together with a girl, and he doesn't even miss it. He did think about it more than a few times, but every time he considers it... All he can think about is her.

“Billy!” Max suddenly yells, snapping him out of his thoughts. With an angry face, he glances at her.

“What the hell, shitface?”

“What's wrong with you? Why are you acting so weird?” Max asks, and he rolls his eyes, focusing on the road.

“I'm normal.” Shrugging his shoulders, Billy checks his face through the review mirror. There's nothing wrong with him.

“No, you're not. You're more stupid than usual. And less angry.” She goes on, and Billy runs a hand through his head before hanging an arm on the open window. “It looks like you have something in your head.”

“Max, shut the hell up.” He mutters, taking a deep breath. “Care about your own business and leave me alone.”

“Fine, whatever.” She mumbles.

He was just about to lash out at her again when he remembers what (Y/N) said. Billy was never too fond of Max, and he doesn't want her to be one more thing he has to care about. But they were both forced into each other's lives, and she also has to deal with Neil. Of course, she doesn't see the worst side of him, since she's Susan's daughter. But part of Billy, a tiny little part is happy she's not the one being beaten up. Thinking about it now, imagining Neil hitting Max, makes him angry. Furious.

“What about that shitty boyfriend you have?” He asks, eyes on the road.

“What about him?”

“Damn it, Maxine. Is he treating you ok? Because if he ever does anything I'll have to end his miserable life.” He's finally at the Elementary School, stopping the car. “We're family now, it doesn't matter how we feel about it, so if anyone screws up with you, it's my business too.”

“You're going crazy.” She mumbles before opening the door.

“Maybe I am.” He whispers to himself, ignoring how she pushes the door close.

Driving fast, he makes his way to Hawking High School for more endless hours of bullshit. Billy can't take this anymore, not here at least. He was never into school, but back in Cali, at least he was home, in a place he loved. But here, he has nothing.

Nothing but a girl stuck in his head. A girl whose smile is burned in his memory, that he plays back all the time. Billy acts like he doesn't have a heart, but (Y/N) certainly makes him feel as if it's beating again. Maybe for the first time in his life.

—————

You've been quite off the whole morning, not paying attention to anything. Lucky for you, today's class is just about the presentations of last month's projects, and since your group was the first one, you had the privilege of sitting in the back and letting your mind float away from this place.

The thing you don't want to think about is the only thing you think about. Or better said, the person.

Billy has been going through your mind on a daily basis, ever since you last met him when you went to the quarry. You did cross paths with him at school, and he was nice, asking how your day was. With kind eyes and a beautiful smile.

And now, the man has been constantly in your head. Night and day, even though you've been struggling not to. And you like thinking about him. You even miss him, looking down at you with those blue eyes.

“(Y/N),” Tanya calls, and you snap out of your thoughts, noticing that the class is over. “Where are you? You didn't even pay attention to the project's presentation.”

“Yeah, I...” Gathering your stuff, you follow Tanya outside. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Nevermind, Tany. It's stupid.”

“Well–”

“How is my beautiful girlfriend doing?” The voice is quickly followed by a sudden hug. Liam has one arm around Tanya and the other around your shoulders. He kisses her before placing a kiss on your cheek. “And my beautiful bestie?” You wrinkle your noise at his word and the high pitched voice he usually uses.

“Your bestie has a boy in her head.” Tanya singsongs, and you roll your eyes. “I have to go to the restroom. Be right back.” Kissing Liam again, she waves at you and walks away.

“So you finally met someone you're interested in?” Liam asks as you move to one of the wooden benches set near the walls.

“Let's sit there.”

The wind is stronger than earlier today, making the tree's branches bend over. The campus is beautiful, and as you sit down, pulling your legs up, you watch as people come and go. The exposed skin of your shoulders makes you feel cold, but you ignore it. You like it here, it's far better than the one in Indianapolis. There's more nature, and the campus is full of trees and bushes, and even a garden on the East side. Things move slower here in Hawkings, but you like it.

“So? Who's this guy?”

“Liam, I need a guy's opinion on something.” Crossing your legs, you turn towards him.

“Bring it on.”

“How would you feel if Tanya was older than you?”

Liam furrows his eyebrows, getting a thoughtful expression for a while. He seems quite surprised by your question. “Well, if was still Tanya, I'd fall for her anyway.” He says, nodding to himself. “I mean, the dynamic would be different. Let's say that by her age she could have children or even an ex-husband. And the years of experience would probably make a gap in between us and if we're from different generations we'd like different things but–”

“Children and ex-husband?” You cut him off, not able to follow up with whatever he's saying.

“Yeah. The probabilities are that she'd at least have one past long-term relationship.”

Closing your eyes for a few seconds to gather your thoughts, you take a deep breath. “Liam, let me rephrase that. What if Tanya was, let's say... Five years older than you?” That's way too specific. “Would you still like her? Or even consider dating her?”

Liam gives you a look, raising one eyebrow. “Here I am, analyzing every aspect and challenge of a relationship with an age gap and you were speaking about five years?” You silently nod. “That's not even a gap. That's just a couple of years, no big deal.”

“It's just that... When the guy is older everyone finds it hot.” You start, looking down at your hands. You shouldn't even be talking about this, since Billy Hargrove isn't even a possibility. But this is just something you need to know, something you need someone else's opinion on. And Liam, being a guy, gives you a better perspective. “But when it's the other way around... People find it weird.”

“(Y/N), age is just a number.” He's still speaking when Tanya comes back, sitting next to him. “Correction. After eighteen, age is just a number. You're both adults and it doesn't matter what people say, only what you feel. And you don't even look your age, people wouldn't even spot the age difference.”

“What makes you think I'm talking about me?” You're quick to defend yourself, stuttering a little.

“Because you were way too specific for this to be a hypothetical situation or about someone else.” Liam exchanges a look with Tanya, who smiles.

“You know you don't have to hide things from us.” She says, reaching out a hand, which you hold. “We're here to help and support you. And if something happens between you and Billy we'll be happy for–”

“Nothing will happen.” Cutting her off, you sigh. “I just needed Liam's opinion on it. I was curious, that's all.”

“Look, the only problem I see with you getting into a relationship with Billy is his reputation.” Tanya starts, and Liam nods. They don't have much contact with Billy, but, like everyone who lives in Hawkins, they heard about him. “He's a bad boy, gets all the girls he wants, and throws them away when he's done. You're not into that kind of thing.”

“You're a hopeless romantic,” Liam adds.

“Exactly. So be careful.”

“I will.” You whisper, running a hand through your hair.

After another class, Tanya drives you to Hawkins High School where you attend this girl, Clarissa. A quick rain came and passed during the time you were with her in the classroom. But by the time you're done, the sun is trying to win over the thick, grey clouds taking over.

You're walking through the halls next to Clarissa, chatting. She's kind, and despite not being that good at Biology, you can see she's trying her best. “I'm way too nervous for this test. I need at least a C.”

“You'll do fine. I can make you a quiz if you want, to help you go over the topics again.” You offer as you move outside, the cold wind making you shiver.

“That would be amazing, thanks!” She cheers, giving you a quick hug before waving and heading to her car.

You go to the public phones since you need Tanya to pick you up. But after calling twice, you're almost giving up.

“Hey.” The sound makes you turn around, putting the phone back in place. Billy smiles, and you can't help but do the same.

“Hi.” You shyly say. “How have you been?” Talking to Billy is different now. You have ideas in your head, ideas you know you shouldn't have. “What are you doing here so late?”

“Basketball game.”

“Did your team win?”

“Of course.”

“That's great.” Taking the phone again, you try calling one more time. But she doesn't answer. “Shit.”

“Something wrong?”

“No, it's just–” Putting the phone back, you start walking, bracing yourself. “–Tanya was supposed to come for me but her telephone must be broken again.”

“Here,” Billy says, and when you look at him, you find the guy taking off his jacket.

“No, you don't have to–” He's already handing it over to you. “I'm alright, really.”

He doesn't say anything, and when it takes too long for you to move, Billy puts the jacket around your shoulders. You're immediately surrounded by warmth, and also his scent. It's familiar now, even though you don't spend too much time around him. But it makes you feel... Odd. In a good way.

“Thanks.” You whisper, stepping back and clearing your throat. “I gotta go now. Before the rain catches me.” With a little wave, you start walking again.

But Billy is quick to grab your arm, gently. “Do you really think I'll let you walk home with a storm coming?” As if to make his point clear, a distant thunder echoes.

“Billy...” You don't want to go with him. Being around Billy is dangerous, it brings out feelings you don't understand. Feelings you don't want to think about.

“(Y/N), C'mon. It's just a ride home.” The grip on your arm slips until he's holding your hand. It sends some kind of wave through your arm, like electricity.

You're moving before you notice, following him.

“Hey, Billy boy!” Someone shouts, and you give the guy a quick look before going for the passenger door. “Saturday at my place! It's gonna be wild, don't forget.”

“I won't.” He answers as you get inside, putting the seatbelt on. Billy is quick to settle down, turning the ignition. “Party on Saturday. Wanna come?”

“I can't. My group will come to my place to work on some papers.”

“Is it true or you just don't wanna go out with me?” Billy hits the street, and you struggle to deal with the anxiety. But it doesn't take much until you notice the... Normal speed. A lot different from last time.

“It's true.” You simply say, feeling yourself relaxing.

“So... Does that means you'd go out with me some other time?” Billy glances at you, and you feel your cheeks blushing.

You're supposed to say no immediately, make it clear this is just a ride home. That you're just... Friends. But why didn't the words come out? It would be so much easier... “Billy, you know we-”

“Mhmm, the age thing.” He cuts you off, a smirk in his voice. “Why don't you do the most simple thing?”

“Which is?”

“Ask if I care about it.” He's already staring when you look at him.

“Eyes on the road.” You warn him, and he smiles before complying. It's getting hard to deal with all this. Billy doesn't get out of your head, and you were hoping whatever this is, it would fade away. That time would help. But here you are again, with him, and all the walls separating between you are crumbling down... And you like it. You want to take them all down. But you are a thinker, and you're scared. None of the guys you were interested in before made you feel this way. But why now? Why Billy?

You just want to get home and stay the hell away from him and all the feelings he causes.

“Alright, Princess.” He sighs.

“Don't call me that.”

“Why not?”

“Well, do you?” You burst out, almost involuntary. Your heart and mind are at war, and both want to win.

Billy smiles, slowing down for the red light until he stops completely. Then, he looks at you, those blue eyes almost hypnotizing you. They're powerful... Or are you the one who's too weak?

“You're the only girl I ever met that I really want to know.” He says, voice low and deep, sending shivers down your spine. “So no. I don't give a damn about your age, Princess.”

You're frozen, still looking at him when someone blasts the horn, and you snap out, seeing that the light is green. “Some other time then... Maybe.” You whisper, clearing your throat and running a hand through your hair.

Your heart is beating fast, cheerful to know how he feels about it. But your mind... It tells you otherwise.

@aunicornmademedoit @alexa4040 @goth-cowgirl-03 @nyctophilic0vitnir @minispice-1

#stranger things imagine #imagine stranger things #billy hargrove imagine #imagine billy hargrove #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #billy hargrove #billy stranger things imagine #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove fanfic

68 notes · View notes

ghostoffuturespast · 5 months

Text

Works In Progress 2023: A Cyberpunk 2077 Year In Review

I thought for a hot minute about doing one of those snazzy templates that’s been going around, but editing photos just ain’t my MO and rather than going by month I picked 12 favs that I’ve posted in 2023. Some of them were popular, some of them weren't. Overall, I think I did pretty good for just doing vanilla photomode on console.

You might be wondering why there's a picture of a sticky note. I don't remember when I started doing this, and I'm horribly inconsistent as you can see by the dates, but I'll jot down my word count for my wip chapter and then jot it down again when I remember to later.

I write slow. A lot of times I sit down to write and it feels like the wheels are spinning in place. My minutes and hours don't stretch very far, typically don't add up to much. But days, weeks, months. That's when I can at least measure the progress.

Fic: So It Goes 40/44 - 438,946 words

My V x River Ward and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory long fic. I've spent way more hours on this then I have on any of my VP.

I got tagged by @just-a-cybercroissant @therealnightcity and @wanderingaldecaldo to do some WIP Whenevers. I post my VP pretty regularly, so it’s always seemed silly to do work in progress posts for them, and I don’t know when I’ll have any new writing to share since in between work and the holidays, I haven’t had much time to sit down with anything since my last chapter update. And I've been feeling very... stingy, lately. Especially when it comes to mine and other people's writing. So take this WIP/Year In Review as my offering. Both these series, as am I, are all very much still works in progress.

I confined my reflections for this year below the cut. If you don’t want to read my long-ass essays, you can admire the pictures, maybe check out my fic, or just move along and have yourself a lovely day.

We’ll start with the easy one.

After at least a year of multiple playthroughs (I’ve played all the lifepaths, done all the endings), it only occurred to me at the beginning of this year to start taking VP. Part of the reason I never did before was because I didn’t realize it was a thing and then by the time I did, I figured I didn’t have much to offer. I play on PS5 and only have access to vanilla photomode, so seeing everyone else’s high-fidelity, ultra ray-tracing, modded, posed, full on virtual photo shoot photos, I was like there’s no way. (Not that I’m hating on PC modders, it’s just not everyone has access to mods or a PC capable of running the game, and I’m all for making art and creative endeavors accessible.) On top of that, all I’d ever heard from most other folks was how much vanilla photomode sucked. In the glamorous world of VP, I didn’t think there was any room for me.

But I started snapping pics anyway. And sure, there are a lot of limitations with vanilla photomode. But what that really translates to is opportunities to get creative. I am also a hoe for subverting people’s expectations, and very much believe when there’s a will, there’s a way.

Environmental and landscape shots were my first subjects before I started branching out into portraits and then capturing story moments. Through VP I found an entirely new way to enjoy a game that I’d already played a ridiculous number of times along with also finally being brave enough to share my V with other people too. I’d always worried about that before, if people would like her. Granted, I know Grandpa’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you like her or not, I certainly think she’s made a name for herself over the past few months. Even if most people haven’t really gotten to know her the way I’d hoped.

I’ve taken hundreds of photos this past year. Most of which I’ll never share. There’s a lot of flops, a lot of weird experiments, ones that didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I’ve learned something from every single one of them. I know how to spot good lighting, frame shots to create optical illusions, get a very limited toolkit to work in my favor, parkoured on all of the things, and heck, I even figured out how to make Grandpa smooch other NPCs. I’ve done atmospheric, mundane, down right goofy, as well as things that most people probably thought weren’t fucking possible.

I can’t say how long I’ll keep doing this, I’m sure I’ll move on at some point, but for now I’m still enjoying myself. There's a lot to explore in this game and I just can’t stop digging Night City.

Now, for the more complicated thing.

Writing

So It Goes… My peace, my war, my greedy and most ravenous of ghosts.

I’m operating under the assumption that most people following me here probably haven't read my fic or aren’t all that interested in reading it to begin with. It’s fine. But you need to understand this fic, my writing, is the main thing that brought me here. This is also Grandpa V’s story. Most of you have met her, but unless you've been reading, most of you do not know her.

I wrote around 185,000 words and posted 10 chapters this year. 2022 was about 253,000 words and 30 chapters, along with several unrelated one shots. However, I don’t think I’ve done a single chapter this year that was less then 10k, and my longest managed to hit 27k. As of the last update I posted, the fic is currently sitting at around 439k words, 40 chapters, and still isn’t done.

I have four more chapters to write. I have written a metric shit ton of words. This is, by far, the longest and most intense creative project I’ve ever endeavored to complete.

When I started writing, I was expecting this fic to be around 100-150k. That seemed to be the average for most long fics. I did not plan on being an outlier. I'm not sure you can ever really plan for that, but I guess I enjoy subverting my own expectations too.

For those of you who are reading my fic, it is my sincerest hope that it shatters every expectation of where you think it’s going. It’s not a joke that I tagged my fic “#an ode to my tinfoil hat”. An ode it has turned out to be. I’ve been sitting on this theory for two years. I have told no one about it. I hope it sticks the landing and hits the way I want it to. I don't know if it will. But fuck, I just want to be done with it so I can move on with my life, take a break, and give myself the opportunity to make and focus on other things before I have to get back on the damn horse.

I wrote less this past year then I did in 2022. I had a lot of life changes, most of which were good, but with times of change come times of adjustment. Along with some realizations that maybe you don’t understand as much as you thought you did. Looking back, I’ve been in a state of unsettled, kuzushi, for a really long time. Which is not a good place to be. It’s how your ass ends up on the ground with a knee knocking out all your teeth. I thought I knew better. Thought I had enough practice to get away from it. But bad habits have good memories.

I think given the circumstances, I accomplished a lot with my writing this year. I don’t know if my writing is exactly where I want it to be. I doubt it every will be, but it’s evolved, grown, and I wrote a pretty hefty stack of words considering I started working full-time again, bought a house with my partner, moved, and have been dealing with the millions of other beans that life tends to throw one’s way. That being said, and for full disclosure, I’ve also been dealing with some of the worst cases of jealousy and envy I’ve had since I was a teenager.

Frankly, it sucks. They walk with me every fucking where I go, hold my hands to whisper back all my doubts. Try to persuade me to my baser instincts, to be cruel and lash out. But that's not aikido. Luckily, I’m not 16 anymore so it’s at least been easier for me to identify the problem. Though I’m still coming up short in terms of actually being able to do anything about it, and will be for at least a few months more.

Yeah, I keep talking about it because I don’t know how many people know that I've been feeling this way. And I’m tired of not talking about it in a room full of creatives, because yeah, I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And not talking about it just makes all that pent up resentment worse for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But with the way I work and think, it’s a slow, tedious, and incredibly time-consuming art. With how much my fic has snowballed over the course of writing, it’s left very little room for the other hobbies in my life. And as my fellow writers probably already know, writing is an incredibly insular craft. And unlike a picture or an image, which only requires a glance, reading a bunch of words requires time and commitment.

So, when you put yourself out there and share what you wrote, it’s a lonely feeling not knowing whether or not anyone connected with what you put on the page. Especially, when the people who do read aren’t compelled to voice anything and when the people you’d hope would read don’t. And then you're stuck in the dark, not knowing, because neither of us says a goddamn thing.

I started writing this fic prior to actually joining the CP2077 fandom. And I joined the fandom because I felt alone. I’ve been here a while now, albeit in a few different places, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. I’m still trying to find camaraderie with my fellow writers and carve out something that kinda sort of resembles a home or a sense of community. I watch my peers around me as they seem to build that with each other, except me.

I’m envious of the things that people make and jealous of the relationships those have created and fostered between said people, because for the life of me, it’s been a struggle to cultivate that since I got here. I know it’s selfish, but I also don’t know what about me makes people so hesitant. There have been a handful of strangers that have shown up for me regularly, but as far as people I call friends in this fandom that have shown up and actually stuck around, I can only name one right now. (I know we're all busy. And I acknowledge my writing's not for everyone. I know maybe some of you are quiet, or shy, or probably a thousand other things. I get it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. People will never know unless you say. Never know unless you take the time to interact or engage. Be brave. And that's true for a lot of things.)

The propensity is for the negative to outweigh the positive. I've got a lot of numbers on my fic, so you would think things would be fine, but at this point they just feel empty. They don't bring me any comfort or real satisfaction. And I hate feeling like the people I know don’t care and that most of you are just talking around me. That I’m some kind of annoyance not fit to interact with. Which may or may not be the case. I don’t know. Again, most of you have never said anything. And maybe I need to accept the fact that most of you never will.

But this is me trying to start conversation.

It’s really shitty, knowing that the thing I want the most is also the thing holding me back. I know how to work on it too, not that it’s any guarantee. The problem is I’m still writing and in a needy state of greed. And because I’m slow, I don’t have the time or the energy to be generous. I can only take right now. I can’t give.

Relationships require both.

I can’t bring myself to read other people’s writing. I can’t comment, or like, or share if I haven’t read anything. I'm desperate for conversation, but I also don't have the time or assurance to facilitate it with other people right now. And for some reason people never seem to want to talk to me, especially when it comes to writing. I want to be part of conversations, talk deeply with other people. But I can’t speak right now, I'm not in a place to offer generosity without someone first giving it to me.

And generosity and grace is what we all need.

Four more chapters and I hope my ghosts will finally let me read in peace.

#cyberpunk 2077 #2023 year in review #year in review #virtual photography #writing #from the top #fic: so it goes #long post #i can't guarantee a safe space but i can guarantee a brave space #if anyone's been feeling similarly and wants to talk about it my dms are open #the door's always open

34 notes · View notes

alexyskinnerstories · 1 month

Text

Bella's Aunt - Ch. 1

( Airport Outfit)

I've arrived in Forks Washington from New York it was a long flight everyone got off the plane and headed inside to airport building I walked to the baggage area and got all my luggage I left the area and headed to the front of the airport I made it to the outside I look for my brother I couldn't find him I grab my phone and was about to call him when I heard my name being shouted I turned and see my big brother I smiled while tearing up I ran over to him leaving my luggage behind once I got close I jumped in his arms hugging him tightly he does the same we both were sobbing I hear some people saying sweet things about us Charlie tries to put me down but I hold on tighter and shook my head he just sighed and left me to cling on him he walked over to my luggage and started walking back to his cruiser I don't know how he managed to do that but he did got me in the front seat of the cruiser then he put the luggage in the back of the cruiser he drove from the airport to his home once we've arrived a sigh fells from his mouth I was confused on why he suddenly became upset I was about to ask what was wrong but he spoke first

Charlie: Bella isn't here I was hoping she would so I could surprise her with you being home I guess she's with her boyfriend and his family

Me: It's alright Charlie we can still surprise her call her and tell her that she needs to be home by dinner time and that's something important

Charlie: That's a great idea sissy I do it when we've got you relax how you're boys doing why didn't they come with you?

Me: Their mother wanted to spend one more with them and I allowed it for two more days or if they want to come earlier or for more time the house I bought here is being finished being renovated it should be done in a few days and then I'll move in

Charlie: Oh How are things going like in the co- parenting I haven't heard any updates about it not after you won full custody of them

Me: Yea sorry about that it was busy after that I had to move my apartment I had got to live at the time then I had to deal with the move them to a different high school and then also doing my online course after that I had graduated with my third degree and the boys are in their last year so when they come they may go to Forks High School or Quileute Tribal School I don't know yet

Charlie: That was a lot maybe you should send them to forks high Carson and Camron with be with Bella she's gonna start her senior year next month and they can watch over her

Me: Alright I'll think about it but why would they need to watch over her

Charlie sighed and breathed in deeply speaking with venom about is Cullen boy that Bella is with currently

Charlie: It's her boyfriend I don't trust him one bit he doesn't give off any good vibes he is always at the house or taking Bella her and I don't spend much time together his always interrupting our time together and taking her away and she changing like her personality and style it seems like he manipulating her she becoming more like his sister Rosalie it all just seems weird and she's been wearing makeup and it not only on her face

Me: So you're telling me you believe that he's manipulating her, abusing her, and molding her to be like his sister

Charlie: Yes that's what I believe is happening.

Me: Alright I'll get them into Forks High and have them watch over her and I'll get them to come here in a week in a half

Charlie: Thanks sis I appreciate it

Me: No problem brother family is forever and always

We made it to Charlie's house and brought my stuff into the house Charlie put my thing in the attic where my room is he came back down the stairs and told me that he's gonna call Bella to come home at dinner time and make sure he says Edward couldn't stay he sent me to freshen up before dinner come around I nodded and headed upstairs to my bathroom

* Tiny time Skip *

I finished my shower and walked out of my bathroom I walk to my closet and pick out some clothes I text Charlie to say am cooking dinner and that I need him to the grocery store and get the ingredients I gonna make Salmon stuffed with spinach and parmesan cheese with shrimp and spinach alfredo I got dressed and went downstairs I see Charlie about to leave

Me: Hey Charlie do you have any AB here

Charlie: Yeah there's some in the very back of my closet in the safe the code is momma's birthday

Me: Thanks Char I make sure to depose of them before Bella gets home

Charlie: I'll be back as soon as I can sissy

Me: Alright Char see when you come home

Charlie leaves out of the door and drove off I immediately ran to his room and go to his closet and open the safe I grab three bags and down the first two I go to the living room and watch Netflix I watched a show called Charmed I start the show and slowly drink the last bag

* Time skip*

I was on the twelfth episode when I heard a car pull up I could hear two voices I quickly set the bag on fire and coated the scent because I could only hear one heartbeat I walked outside and leaned against the door frame I looked in the car see Bella talking to her boyfriend

* Bella Pov *

Edward just pulled into my dad's driveway and began to tell me that he'll be coming to see me at night I nodded and looked down gathering my stuff suddenly he spoke again

Edward: Bella who is that

I was confused I looked up and turned my gaze to where he was looking I gasped and quickly got out of the car and yelled for my auntie Annabeth I ran to her screaming her name I finally made it to her and crash into her crying into her chest she hugged me tightly rocked us left and right we pulled from each when we heard someone clear their throat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

^ Fake Blood I Repeat Fake blood^

#reqs open #black reader #x reader #x black reader #the originals #werewolf reader #Twilight #Klaus Mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #gxg #esme cullen x reader #esme Cullen x oc #g!p reader

22 notes · View notes

hamsterbellbelle · 5 months

Text

Hello🐹Now that is near the end of the year, it's time for the personal top-5 list of my builds and CCs that I’m most proud of😤also a little bit of self-promotion…_(:з」∠)_

This year I did 22 builds (a little bit more than last year...xD) Last year I said I'd hope to build Mass Effect Normandy, Shepard’s apartment, a high school fit for the Cyberpunk 2077 world...but none of that happened..._(:з」∠)_ Well I'd hope again I'll be able to build those this year xD

Anyway…to the list! ⬇️⬇️⬇️

5. Komorebi Thrift and Bubble Tea Store🎦|| This year I tried to create a No-CC build every month, and honestly I'm quite surprised how much stuff sims 4 have (of course debug items included...xD). Interestingly, the thing I love most with this build is the vending machine at the entrance..._(:з」∠)_

4. Nomad Campsite🎦|| I had a lot a lot of fun building this. This turns out better than I imagined ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ Only thing I wished I could've done is make those tent a "real room" so electronics inside won't break..._(:з」∠)_

3. Waterfront Nightclub🎦|| I really really love those catwalks above the dance floor, it added so many potential to storytelling ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ This is also one of the very few builds that I'm not using in my game-play save...instead it's for you guys hehe🧡

2. Lestat’s Apartment🎦|| I love vampires and I love cyberpunk, this is one of my dream apartments xD The way the showcase video is made is also one of my favorites ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

1. Abandoned Subway Strip Club🎦|| I've build like 4~5 strip clubs now and honestly this is my favorite one ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ I just wish I had more space to really build the subway parts with more abandoned tunnels...

To the CC List! ⬇️⬇️⬇️

I know I didn't make much CCs this year...but somehow it's still kinda hard to pick a favorite...I like them all xD

5. Heart Shape Animated Neon Sign || Seriously huge thanks to Syboulette for her patience and guidance🧡🧡I never thought I'd be able to make animated stuffs like this \(≧∇≦)/ And also, check out this 🔞18+ animated neon hehe Animated Phallus Sign

4. Miniature Space Hamster Set || When the poll results came out, I was kinda disappointed...but then I thought:😤I'll do it myself! And OMG I'm really not good at making build-mode items xD I'm also so glad that Sims 4 Studio added the function to mod stairs and fences just in time for the project ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

3. City Living Cyberpunk Food Stall || I need to make more of these ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ xD

2. Ashtray with Animated Smoke || My first ts4.script object...I feel so proud of myself xD...Python is weird..._(:з」∠)_

1. Secret Passage - Science Portrait || I love secret passages...bookcase doors, hidden door behind a shelf, etc...I really gotta make more of these...xD

#sims4 #ts4 #builds #mycc #sims 4 build #sims 4 cc #yearly top 5 #journal

36 notes · View notes

babymetaldoll · 2 years

Text

"Love cramps" (Spencer x fem!reader)

Summary: (Y/N)'s period is killing her and Spencer takes care of her.

Word count: 3,2K

Warnings: I don't remember if there is any bad word in this, but the amount of fluff should be illegal.

A/N: Hi! I've missed writing Spencer so much! And I've missed you all too! I hope your year is going well!

all too! I hope your year is going well!

Masterlist

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

It was a very bad day for Special Supervisory Agent (Y/N), and it was getting harder and harder not to let it affect her work. Luckily, the entire BAU team had a desk job day, trying to catch up with all the paperwork pending.

That sounded like a good plan: not moving from her desk.

It all started with that awkward damp sensation in her panties all of a sudden, right in the middle of writing a report. The young SSA froze on her chair and even held her breath, praying she still had a tampon left in her drawer.

And only because her day could be worse, she was out of tampons and pads.

- "Penelope's house of "how may I save your ass today?"

- "García, my savior! I need your help!"

- "Hey, little monkey! what can I do for you today?"

- "Do you have an extra tampon I can use?"- (Y/N) whispered on the phone and made sure no one could hear her. She didn't notice Spencer was paying much attention to her call, though he couldn't really listen to what her best friend was saying.

- "Sure! I have some here."

- "You are a lifesaver, Garcia! I'll go to the Batcave in a minute."

(Y/N) moved quickly but carefully to Garcias's office. She even checked her chair to make sure she hadn't gotten it dirty, a paranoia that brought her back to her high school days, when the worst thing that could happen was to put yourself in evidence during "those days."

Spencer raised his eyes from his file and stared at her. In the last six months, she had turned from the new agent of the team to his best friend. He had never told her that, 'cos he was afraid that it might sound weird. Do people often confess their friendship? When you have a best friend, you just know, right? you don't have to tell them, "Hey, you are my best friend, and I love you." The "I love you" confession was especially hard for Spencer, but he refused to think about that. In fact, he refused to think of anything related to (Y/N) for the following hours until work was done, and he could invite her for dinner.

Of course, that task was more challenging than he imagined, especially when he noticed his dearest friend came back from Garcia's office chewing M&Ms.

- "Can I get one of those, pretty girl?"- Morgan asked with a charming smile and playful wink. Spencer held his breath, staring at the scene. (Y/N) put some chocolates on Derek's hand and turned to Reid.

- "Want some?"- the way she smiled at her friend when she offered him chocolate made Spencer skip a beat. He blushed and stuttered before receiving the M&Ms and eating very slowly. Derek stared at him and chuckled, shaking his head.

- "Don't,"- Spencer whispered and locked his eyes on his work to avoid his friend's teasing.

Around noon the cramps started. (Y/N) felt them slowly coming but tried to control them with the only things she had. More candies and herbal tea. Needless to say, none of that was actually helping her. If anything, everything around her made her feel worse.

- "Someone has a sweet tooth today."- Derek smiled at (Y/N) when she walked back from the vending machine with another packet of M&Ms. And without even asking, he reached out his hand and grinned almost innocently.

- "Dude, if you want candies, just get yourself some and leave me to eat mine alone! Don't be a jerk!"- the fact (Y/N) nearly yelled in the middle of the bullpen made most people there turn their heads over. But the fact that she yelled at her friend was what shocked everybody.

- "I'm sorry, girl. I didn't mean to upset you. Are you ok?"- Derek wasn't going to take those words seriously; he knew (Y/N) wasn't usually rude with anyone (except a few unsubs when needed), so he kept his eyes on her as she sat behind her desk and waited for her answer.

- "Yes, Derek, I am ok. Thank you for asking."

Spencer stared at the scene from his chair, knowing (Y/N) was lying. Clearly, something was bugging her, and he just wanted to help her feel better.

The candies didn't help with the cramps and neither with the nauseous. Or the headache. (Y/N) felt like a bag of dirty, and all she dreamt of while sitting at her desk was reaching home and crawling into bed.

Why was it so hard being a woman? Men never go through something as painful as menstrual cramps or giving birth, as a matter of fact. (Y/N) felt the rush of her hormones taking the best of her that day. She knew it, and she felt so powerless about it. It was like her body was rebelling against her and her better judgment. She knew Derek's attitude hadn't been as bad as she felt. But she couldn't control her own reaction. (Y/N) rested her head on the desk and closed her eyes. She just wanted that day to end.

- "Hey,"- Spencer whispered and looked at his friend with a sheepish smile- "I'm sorry to bother you, but I was thinking... if maybe you wanted to grab some lunch with me."

- "Thank you, Spence."- the young SSA whispered and raised her head from the desk to smile at Reid- "But I don't feel like eating anything at the moment."

- "Maybe I can bring you something for later?"

- "No, thank you."

- "Are you ok? You look pale"- and somehow, against all the odds, Spencer moved closer and held (Y/N)'s hand. A bold move for the resident genius, who always stayed away from any human contact- "You are freezing!"

- "I'm ok"- (Y/N) wasn't ashamed to correct her friend from assuming she was sick. But a part of her enjoyed how worried and sweet he was acting.

- "Want me to tell Hotch? Maybe you can take the rest of the day and go home."

- "I don't think Hotch is gonna give me the day off for menstrual cramps."- (Y/N) murmured and closed her eyes, feeling her uterus twisting inside of her.

- "If you don't feel well, you should go home."- and without hesitation, or even giving space for arguing, Reid walked to Hotch's office and opened the door. (Y/N) wanted to follow him and stop him, but honestly, the pain was too much at that point, and she could barely move her legs. She felt like her body wasn't going to reply to any command.

- "Hi, Hotch. Do you have a minute? Hello, Elle."

- "Reid, can you come later? I need to go through some files with Elle."

- "Sorry, but this will only take a minute."- and ignoring Hotchner's commands, Spencer walked in and closed the door behind his back. That was the very first time that Reid had disobeyed Hotch's commands.

- "Reid..."

- "Just a minute, Hotch. I need you to authorize (Y/N) to go home and take the rest of the day off."

- "Why? is she ok?"- Elle asked and turned to Spencer, concerned.

- "Yes, she doesn't feel well. She didn't want me to tell you, but I think it's better if she goes home. She needs to rest. I can finish her paperwork for the day."

Aaron kept his eyes on Spencer's for a few seconds, reading him. The young profiler was nervous and kept playing with one of the bottoms in his sweater, and though he tried his best to maintain eye contact, his eyes fidgeted all over the room.

- "Ok. But if she is not feeling well, please drive her home. You can catch up on your work tomorrow."- Elle turned to look at Hotch when she heard him speak those words. Spencer thanked him and quickly excused himself.

- "I thought you said you wanted Spencer to help us analyze the letters written by the unsub in the Oklahoma case."

- "Yes, but the letters will still be here in the morning, and we still haven't got police authorization to work the case."- Hotch explained and made a short pause- "Besides, in three years here, Spencer had never asked for authorization or himself or anyone else. (Y/N) has to be honestly sick to make him do such a thing."

- "Well, I think if she had a splinter in her finger, Spencer would push us to take her to the hospital. He is madly in love with her."

And Elle wasn't wrong. But Spencer refused to admit it out loud and less sharing his feelings with (Y/N). He was happy just being her friend. Nothing else mattered.

(Y/N)'s apartment smelled like cinnamon and red apples. It was welcoming and warm. As soon as they were there, (Y/N) locked in her bathroom while Spencer made her a cup of tea. He knew she loved it, and he also knew she needed a warm drink to help her with her cramps.

- "Fuck you!!!"- Spencer nearly jumped as he heard (Y/N) yelling from the bathroom.

- "Are you ok? (Y/N)?"- he knocked on the door and listened carefully- "(Y/N)? do you need help?"

- "I'm ok... I'm just stupid"- the girl opened the door and cut Spencer a short smile. She was going through her medicine cabinet, trying to find something for her cramps.

- "Do you need me to get you anything? I can run to the store."

- "Don't worry..."

- "I mean it. Do you need tampons? Chocolate? a cheeseburger?"- Spencer was trying his best to remember all the things he had read that allegedly helped women during their period. (Y/N) smiled and looked at her first aid kit.

- "I ran out of mefenamic acid, and the pain is killing me."

- "I'm on it!"

- "Really? Thank you so much, Spencer. You are the best."

Spencer held her hand and guided her to her bed, where she cuddled with a bottle of hot water he had prepared for her.

- "The store is just two blocks away, remember? Where we got that emergency aid kit for your go bag."- (Y/N) whispered, and Spencer nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

- "Take the house keys."

- "I made you an herbal tea. I left it on your bedside table."

- "You are perfect, Spencer Reid. Thank you."

But Spencer couldn't answer that. He just smiled, mumbled something incomprehensible, and then walked out of the apartment.

A half-hour later, (Y/N) kept feeling her uterus wanted to murder her from the inside out. The warm bottle wasn't doing anything, nor was the herbal tea. She had always suffered from hard cramps, but the pain was higher this month than she had ever felt. She was on the verge of tears when she heard Spencer walking into her apartment. If she hadn't been in deep pain and feeling floated like a balloon, she would have tried to look cute. Of course, (Y/N) had a massive crush on Spencer. He was cute, he was nice, bright, and the most caring person she had ever known. But at that minute, she was in too much pain to think about her crush.

- "Hey, how are you feeling?"- Spencer walked in and whispered as (Y/N) raised her arm and turned to him.

- "Give me the drug, please"- Reid handed her the pills and looked into the bags he had gotten.

- "I know you said you weren't hungry, but I got a few things to eat in case you felt better."

- "Thank you, Spencer,"- she whispered as she took two pills and sipped what was left of her herbal tea- "Thank you for everything."

- "There is nothing to be thankful for, (Y/N). I am happy I got to be useful."

- "You are perfect."- (Y/N) whispered, but she knew he heard her, 'cos his cheeks turned blood red in a second. It was the second time she had said those words that day, it couldn't be a coincidence. Right?

- "I got you a few things to cheer you up,"- he said and changed the subject right away- "Chocolates, a bouquet of flowers, scented candles, and ice cream. Sorry, there wasn't a larger selection of flavors at the store."

(Y/N) smiled and sighed. If she knew how much Spencer liked her, she would have hugged him. Her eyes watered up as she bit her lips, knowing it might look silly to cry over such a nice action.

- "Are you hungry?"- she murmured, laying on her bed, wrapped with a blanket, and waiting for the pills to do their job- "Give these babies a few minutes to kick in, and I'll cook you something very nice."

- "Don't worry, (Y/N). You have to rest. I can make you a sandwich or some soup if you want."

- "I honestly can't eat anything right now, but feel free to eat whatever you find in the fridge."- Spencer nodded and walked to the kitchen. He put the flowers in a base and made himself a PB&J sandwich. When he walked back to the room, he expected to find (Y/N) asleep, but instead, she was sitting on the bed, holding the remote control.

- "Wanna watch a movie with me? or do you have to go back to work?"

- "A movie sounds nice. I told Hotch I was going to stay and take care of you today."

- "You don't have to if you don't want to."- (Y/N) murmured and hugged a pillow.

- "But I want to. I'm worried about you. I know period cramps are normal, but did you know that in 5% to 10% of women, the pain is severe enough to disrupt their life?"

- "I never imagined you had period facts to share."- (Y/N) joked, and Spencer simply nodded with a shy smile- "Come on, sit here with me. Are you ready for a chick flick marathon with me?"

- "Yes, I am. What are we watching?"

A few hours later, both FBI agents had watched "10 things I hate about you," "How to lose a guy in 10 days," and now they were in the middle of "Never been kissed." At that point, the two of them were under the covers, all the chocolates were gone, and Spencer had ordered take-out from their favorite Thai place.

- "What would you do if you could go back to high school now?"- (Y/N) asked her friend and moved a little closer. They had been casually cuddling for the last two movies, but neither had said a word about it.

- "I think I would do my best not to do it. I'm glad I was done with that in two years."- Spencer chuckled and kept his eyes on the screen, watching how Drew Barrymore passed for a high school student, no questions asked.

- "I think I would pay no attention to class. Now I know none of that nonsense will be useful as an adult."- (Y/N) admitted and heard Spencer chuckling next to her- "I would also stop myself from wasting so much time dating assholes."

- "Were there too many?"

- "No, just two, but neither of them was worth all the tears I cried. I see it now, but it felt like the end of the world back then."

- "I know what you mean."

- "Were you broken-hearted in high school too?"- (Y/N) turned and looked at Spencer. He sighed and nodded slowly- "You were incredibly young to be broken-hearted."

- "Yeah, I was. But I guess it was good that I learned to give up love from a very young age."- Spencer confessed, his voice filled with sadness and honesty. (Y/N) kept his eyes on him and bit her tongue not to pour her heart right there.

- "What happened?"- that was all she managed to ask.

- "Well, let's say no one actually looked at me as if I was a human being. I was a joke to all the kids, and the only girl I ever had a crush on played a cruel joke on me that got me beaten up and tied naked to a football goal."

- "Are you serious?!"- (Y/N) nearly jumped after hearing that confession.- "I need names, Spencer. I am going to kill whoever hurt you!"

- "Thanks, but..."

- "No, I mean it. You can't share this kind of information and hope that I'll do nothing about it. I will destroy whoever made you feel bad about yourself."- Spencer felt warm just to hear those words, and he knew (Y/N) meant it. She wasn't sorry for him; she was her friend and wanted the best for him. And he wanted her.

- "It's ok. Time passed, and I realized I..."- but Spencer couldn't speak anymore. (Y/N)'s lips crushed against his. It was a short peck, it only lasted a few seconds, but Spencer's brain shut down. He just stared at (Y/N) in silence when she moved apart from him and didn't know what to say.

- "Sorry... I just thought..."- she mumbled and stared at Spencer's freaked face.- "Please don't hate me. I just wanted to kiss you."

- "Why?"- Spencer wasn't joking. He didn't know why (Y/N) would want to kiss him. No girl had ever wanted to kiss him before, as far as he knew.

- "Because... I"

- "Please don't tell me my story made you feel sorry for me."

- "No!"

- "Is it because of your hormones?!"

- "No, Spencer. I wanted to kiss you because I like you!"- (Y/N) simply blurted, not analyzing the impact of her words. He looked at her and waited a few minutes to see if she laughed. But no. Instead, she kept looking at him in a way he always longed for. Sadly, those were the kind of things that never happened to Spencer.

- "I get it. But you don't have to do this just 'cos I've had bad experiences."

- "No, Spencer... I wanted to kiss you because I like you. I'm sorry if this makes everything weird. We can pretend it never happened."

- "But I could never do that. You kissed me."- (Y/N) nodded as Spencer stared at her- "You kissed me."

- "Yeah. And if you stay still, I can do it again."- she murmured and bit her lips for a few seconds, waiting for Spencer's reaction. He hesitated, still scared it might all be a joke. It is sad to think some people can doubt so much of any sign of love and care because of how much they've been hurt before.

But after a couple of seconds, (Y/N) felt Spencer's hand on her cheek as he leaned over and rubbed his lips against hers. It felt in slow motion, like a dream come true. It felt good and right, like how a first kiss should feel. If it had been a movie, (Y/N) was sure she would hear the fireworks around them.

- "Wow..."- she mumbled when Spencer moved apart. He kept looking at her, her eyes, lips, and cheeks, trying to read her, to figure out what would happen next.

- "Was that ok?"- Reid asked and watched (Y/N) nod in response- "Can I do it again?"

- "You can do it forever,"- she whispered and giggled, kissing Spencer one more time.

- "Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow for dinner?"- Reid murmured in between kisses.

- "Yes. I would love that very much."

- "Will you still feel sick tomorrow?"- he caressed her cheek and kissed the tip of her nose.

- "Not in a million years."

Taglist General @spenxerslut @ash19871962 @all-tings- diego @babebenhardy @mrsobrien888 @archer561 @muffin-cup @alfonsais @cynbx @meowiemari

Taglist Spencer @calm-and-doctor @malboroniightz

#spencer reid #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #Spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x (y/n)#criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fanfiction

810 notes · View notes

super-ion · 1 month

Text

Ion & Emily - Best Friends

(Just a little bridging chapter between "How It All Started" and "Unexpected Company")

“She kissed you!?”

Sarah is literally bouncing with excitement while I blush and try not to make a bashful little grin.

It's weird. I'm still not exactly sure how it happened. She kind of adopted me and we just sorta platonically clicked.

I am now best friends with Lady Lacuna.

(Pause here for inner fangirl screaming - seriously though, she's super cool and we hang out all the time in each other's lairs)

“Oh my god! Jen has a girlfriend!”

“Technically Ion has a girlfriend… well, I don't actually know, it's not exactly official. The whole kidnapping thing is kinda weird for genuine conversations.”

I ponder this for a bit before letting out a frustrated sigh and peer back at the circuit board I'm working on for her.

“I… I don't want Ion to be the only side of me she sees. Like I want to spend time with her as Jen. You know?”

Sarah flops back on the sofa next to the bench where I'm working.

“Then ask her out. You two text all the time, she's obviously into you. Text her right now and ask her.”

“Yeah, but what about the whole secret identity thing?”

“Eh,” she says with a dramatic shrug. “That's half the fun. Honestly, I'd be surprised if she hasn't figured it out already.”

I frown and chew my lip.

“Text her. Right now. Get on your phone and ask her out as Jen.”

“It's not that easy,” I protest.

“It totally is.”

“But-”

With a wave of her hand a tiny portal opens up over the workbench and she snatches my phone.

“Hey!” I shout, fumbling with the soldering iron as I scramble to get to the couch where she is now cackling maniacally and tapping away.

“Dear Emily,” she says. “I think you're really hot and we should get married.”

“What?? No! Give me that!”

I tackle her and somehow manage to wrestle the phone out of her grip. It's not as bad as what she just said, but she's still texted Emily. “

Me, 5:21pm

Hey, are you busy Friday night?

“Oh, you are evil,” I growl.

“Duh, I'm a super villain,” she replies with a wicked grin.

I look at my phone and watch three little dots dancing on the screen. Emily is typing a response. I grip my phone with both hands, watching as the dots dance in and out of existence as she composes a reply. Sarah sits next to me, craning her neck to watch the screen and grinning expectantly.

We both wait with bated breath. Finally (finally!) the phone pings.

Emily, 5:23pm

Nope! Anything in particular you want to do? :)

Oh god… she signed it with a smiley face. This is happening.

“What… what do I want to do??” I ask with a wide eyed beseeching look to Sarah.

“Ambient music cocktail hour at the modern art museum.”

I blink at her in surprise.

“That's a thing?"

“Yeah, totally,” she says. “A girl I dated last year was super into that sort of stuff. I think you'd like it.”

I do a quick search and yes, it is in fact a thing that happens on the second Friday of each month. Huh…

I take a fortifying breath and tap out a response.

A few seconds later:

Emily, 5:31

Oh! That sounds awesome! I'll pick you up at 6?

“Yes!” Sarah whoops and pulls me into a tight hug. “When you get married, you have to make me the maid of honor!”

I smirk as I extract myself from the couch to finally finish the upgrades to her boots.

“Enough about me,” I grumble. “How did your date last night go?”

“Uuuugh,” she says, leaning back with a dramatic sigh. “It was awful. He kept trying to mansplain quantum physics to me. Like I totally don't have a PhD in high energy particle dynamics. Seriously, I'm swearing off men forever.”

“Didn't you swear off men forever last month?”

She scrunches up her face and glares at me.

“Yeah, but I mean it this time.”

“Uh-huh…”

I watch her as she sulkily pulls out her phone.

“Have you ever thought about dating another super?”

She frowns and looks at me with a questioning glance.

“I mean… you're always complaining about everyone you date. Maybe you need someone who can meet you on your level?”

An expression flickers on her face, something I've rarely seen, a strange sort of uncertainty and vulnerability. It's gone in a moment and she cracks a smile.

“Relationships between villains can be prickly,” she says. “You remember when Reverb and Osprey leveled half the fashion district? Lovers quarrel.”

Yeah, that brawl was a whole entire thing. I guess I can see how strong villain personalities might cause some issues.

“Unless you mean I should date a hero?” she says with a strained laugh. “Wouldn't that be a hoot?”

Okay, there is definitely some history there, but I'm not going to poke at it.

Instead, I turn my attention back to the boots and slip the circuit board into the heel before running some diagnostics. The heels aren't like stilletos or anything, they're decently sturdy, but still, they've gotta be at least 4 inches.

“How do you even fight in these?” I ask.

“Practice,” she says, not looking up from her phone. “After beating childhood cancer and getting a PhD at 19, learning how to run and fight in heels seemed like the next logical life goal.”

“I could never,” I muse “I'd probably break my ankle in five minutes.”

“Skill issue,” she replies.

I gasp indignantly and she gives me a wink and a cheeky smile. She's not wrong. I mean, I probably could if I really wanted to. But I didn't really want to. I'm tall enough without heels.

“Well…” I say, “they're calibrating now. The updated control loop should boost performance and help you stick more landings.”

“You're the best!” she says, bounding to her feet to examine my work.

“Hey, you wanna rob a jewelry store or something?” I ask.

She narrows her eyes at me.

“You're trying to get out of training aren't you?”

“Yeah…” I admit, hunching my shoulders.

“Jen…” she sighs. “I watched your last fight. You keep missing bunny boy’s right hook. You're going to keep missing it if you don't practice.”

“Nobody told me being a super villain would be so much work,” I grumble.

But I'm already sullenly climbing to my feet and unzipping my sweatshirt as we head to the fighting pit.

Oh, I think I forgot to mention, I'm in Lady Lacuna’s evil lair, which totally used to be Doctor Magma’s evil lair. We're walking past all sorts of diabolical apparatus, like a whole entire mad science laboratory. It is the absolute coolest shit you can imagine. Like imagine the coolest evil lair of evil, now double the coolness of that. That's about where I am when I come to visit this place.

So here I am, about to enter the fighting pit with my best friend where she will proceed to kick my ass for an hour. Not gunna lie, it's actually a really good workout by itself. Even if I still get knocked around by Jackrabbit's right hook, I'm still in the best shape of my life.

I still can't believe how much my life has changed since I got powers. I love what I do and I have more money than I know what to do with. I have a best friend now. I (Ion) have a girlfriend (probably). I (Jen) have a date with that same girl on Friday.

Yeah, life's pretty good.

I feel like I'm ready for anything life has to throw at me.

#my writing #lesbian #transgender #supervillain oc #ion & emily #writers on tumblr

17 notes · View notes

guplia · 12 days

Text

My fifth fic for @badthingshappenbingo!

Fandom: Ninjago

Trope: Tearful Smile

Also available on AO3!

I want to see you smile, know that means I'll have to leave

Growing up Cole was no stranger to sickness.

He'd gotten ill multiple times himself, sometimes more serious than the others. They were horrible days, but at least he didn't need to go to school. And besides, those days always passed eventually. He'd always end up okay.

So if his mother is sick, she'd turn out to be okay soon too, right?

She seemed to be just like anyone with a fever, lying in bed all day, having a high temperature, vomiting. So why was Cole's father worrying so much? He never acted like this when Cole was sick.

Cole peeked from the slightly ajar door, looking at his father talking to his mother, the latter in bed as she had been for the last two weeks.

“We need to take you to the hospital.”

“I don't know, I'll be fine, but who'll watch over Cole?”

“We could ask…”

Cole didn't understand what was happening. Why would his mother go to the hospital for a normal fever? Why was it taking so long for it to end?

The following day, he was being watched over by his father's friends. He'd woken up to his father shaking him, telling him that Mommy was feeling “a little unwell” so they were going to the hospital for a checkup. Cole hated to admit, he was a bit nervous. His mother was not okay.

His parents didn't come back the next day. It took them another night to return home.

Cole was excited to see his mother again. But when the door opened, the only person who entered was his father, a grim expression on his face, and tear stains evident. “Cole,” he started. “Sit down. There's something I need to tell you.”

Cole's eyes were probably wide. He reluctantly sat down next to Lou. “What's wrong?” He asked. “Why're you sad?” He chose not to mention the fact that he knew he had been crying.

“Mommy's sick, so she needs to stay at the hospital. It'll be just you and me in this house for a while.”

Cole didn't like the sound of that. “For how long?”

“...I don't know,” his father admitted. “I want you to be strong, okay? I want you to be a man.”

Cole didn't really get how he was supposed to be a man when he was just eight years old. But he didn't like arguing with his father. “Okay.”

***

The first hospital visit was… weird. It wasn't normal to see his mother lying in a bed that wasn't her own at home. But she was smiling at Cole, so she was happy, right?

“Hello Cole,” she said as if nothing was wrong.“How are you?”

“I'm fine,” he replied, regretting not asking that first. “how are you?”

“I'm doing great, thanks to you.”

No need to lie, Cole thought.

They spoke about life in the last few days, though it was mostly just Cole talking to his mother, and Lilly didn't even tell him why she was at the hospital in the first place.

Cole didn't want to leave his mother again, but like his father had told him, he had to be a man.

***

The visits became so often that after a month they didn't seem so strange anymore.It was always the same as the previous day, with Cole talking to his mother, and the only difference being that his mother looked worse day by day.

Soon after, his mother came home, and Cole found that weird. She wasn't the same as before. She didn't play with Cole anymore. She just lay down in bed, and Cole would go to her and talk until the sun set and it was time for them both to go to bed.

She would occasionally visit the hospital, the doctor talking about stuff Cole was too young to understand. He didn't want to understand.The cycle repeated as months went by, and Cole realised he never wanted to see anyone get sick again.

***

The sun was shining bright that day, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

Cole's father was out with his friends, and he was alone at home with Lilly.

All was going well, until she started coughing loudly. Cole got up with a jolt, and ran towards his mother's room. She was breathing heavily, and blood was coming out of her mouth.

“Cole,” she rasped. “Call your father now.”

***

Cole couldn't sleep that night. He was in the hospital anyway, in the waiting area outside his mother's room. He had just been sitting there silently for hours, next to his father, who was doing the same.

Soon, a doctor came out of the room.

“I'm sorry, Mr. Brookstone,” he said darkly. “It's terminal.”

Cole didn't know what that meant, but the fact that Lou started to cry made him cry too. He would only be crying if something bad happened to his wife.

They were allowed to enter the room, and Cole ran inside immediately and hugged his mother, who slowly hugged him back. “Mommy,” he cried. “Please don't go.”

His mother was probably crying too, but Cole's eyes were squeezed shut. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“I'm scared,” Cole continued.“Don't be,” his mother replied. “Cole, when I get better, we'll eat ice-cream to celebrate everyday, and I'll play whatever you want with you, and we'll be happy for the rest of our lives.”

Cole looked up, still crying. “You promise?”

His mother smiled. “I promise.”

Cole smiled despite the tears that streamed from his eyes.He couldn't wait for his mother to get well again.

***

She broke her promise.

Cole stood in front of her grave, years later, all alone. It seemed as if his father had moved on easily. Cole still needed some time, though.

“I hope you're doing all that stuff you said you would've done when you would get better,” he said. “even though you're without me.”

“At least one day I'll see you again.”

***

It had been a long day, and Cole was thinking about his adventure in Shintaro, which he had left just the same morning.

He slept peacefully, and dreamt of his mother.

“Cole,” she said. “I'm so proud of you.”

#lego ninjago #ninjago #cole ninjago #cole brookstone #ninjago cole #lilly ninjago #lou ninjago #bad things happen bingo #badthingshappenbingo #ninjago fanfiction

13 notes · View notes

movedtolilmouzee · 1 year

Note

Hi I was wondering if you could write a fic where reader is bontens driver, like she takes them from point A to B and back. Soooo she has been working that job for about 8 months and she was assigned to go collect rin and when he gets in the car straight up starts to check out reader and when they arrive at rins place he offers her to come inside but she refuses multiple times before she actually agrees and when they reach in the house they drink and then fuck and reader ends up staying the night. And in the morning reader feels sore all over and can't walk so rin has to help her with morning tasks and when its about 8:00 and time to leave for work reader can't go cuz she can't walk or drive so has to stay at rins house for the day while he goes to work but when he opens the door Sandy is outside and sees reader and put 2 & 2 together and end it however.(I'm literally solo sorry that it's this long so if u ignore it I understand)

𝔗𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔇𝔯𝔦𝔳𝔢...

𝘚𝘮𝘶𝘵, 𝘈𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘩𝘰𝘭, 𝘙𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘤𝘬�� 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺, 𝘍𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘗𝘦𝘵 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘢𝘮𝘣, 𝘛𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘹 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘤𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨.

(𝘡𝘦𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦: 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘳𝘦-𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨. <3)

Being bontens driver or "taxi" in a way was a weird first job right? It was more concerning, driving around Tokyo's #1 criminals who were high and drunk most times, but they paid you well and were surprisingly respectful, well some. The only real issue with the job you chose was the late night calls, having to quickly wake yourself up and rush out to door to pick up whoever called you, tonight was exactly the same.

Getting awoken to your phone ringing on the nightstand, already knowing what was happening just telling Rindou to text you the details while you got ready. Thankfully it only takes you around 5 minutes to get dressed, hair brushed and something to drink before your heading out and picking up rindou from his current mission. Taking notice of the blood on his suit and face once he got in the car "Thanks for picking me up, bunny." It was like rindou knew exactly how to tease you, he did it so confidently too, no shame as he said it. "Just doing my job" was all you could muster, while noticing how rindous eyes looked over your body, a hint of hunger and lust.

The car ride felt like it lasted years even though it was only a 20 minute drive, getting rindou home and helping him make sure he had everything was a simple task, now all you wanted was to go home and gain back to sleep youd lost, even rindou noticed how tired you had become. "Why don't you just stay with me tonight? I'll let you have my bed" Rin offered, leaning against the car door, his head laying against his arms, liliac eyes watching you decline his offer, "Scared the big bad wolf will get you, little lamb?". Rindou teased pushing you over the edge to accept his offer and just go with him.

Surprisingly for someone who lived alone in a penthouse, rins home was extremely clean and smelled strangely like cinnamon. "Make yourself at home, love." As strange as it felt to find yourself in rindous home, it felt comforting. Rindou returned with two glasses of whiskey, setting one down on the glass table in front of you, taking a spot on the couch next to you sipping on his whiskey. "I don't think we've talked much outside of work, strange isn't it? You're a cute little thing."

After only a few drinks, you and rindou went from small conversation that was a bit awkward to flirting back with each other like it was nothing. Blame it on the alcohol but the ache between your legs had only gotten worse with each passing minute, Rindous hand rubbing up against your thigh didnt help either, it was like rin knew you wanted him but he just wanted to tease you. It was awful but you couldn't go for your co-worker, right? Maybe breaking the rules just once could be nice. You're not even sure how you two suddenly went from the livingroom to rindous bedroom but you couldn't conplain when rindou started undressing, leaving just his boxers on, Rin throwing a pair of boxers and a shirt. Rindou knew what he was doing, having you change in front of him without having a room to hide in, now having to share a bed with him the world was on rindous side today.

The moment you laid by rindou, his arms already found their way around your waist, pulling you closer to him his bulge pressing up against your ass, cologne filling your nose while rindou ever so slightly pushed himself closer to you, his lips quickly attacking your neck Rindous hands lingering from your stomach, inching down towards your panties, making quick work to slide them down your thighs, rin freezing his cock from his boxers, hand sliding down into your panties, rins index finger rubbing small circles on your clit. Your moans immediately went straight to rindous cock, making his lust for you worse.

"Think you can handle the tip, bunny?" Rin teased nibbling on your ear, chuckling at your little whimpers. "I promise to be gentle with you, little lamb." Rindou whispered in your ear sliding the tip of his cock inside, groaning in your ear, his hand gripping onto your thigh pushing it further up as his pace quickened, pushing his cock deeper inside your gummy walls. The tip of his cock kissing up against your cervix with every thrust. Your body felt like it was on fire, every thrust felt like rindou was going to break you in half but it felt too good to even begin to beg rin to stop, Every thrust rindou kept stretching you out.

"Fuck bunny, keep squeezing me like that and you're gonna make me cum. You'd like that wouldn't you? The thought of me breeding you, making you mine only, turning you on, dove?" His words went straight to your core, your mind going blank as your orgasm was all your body cared about. Rindou smirking as you creamed around his cock, feeling his own orgasm washing over him, rin buring his face near your neck, biting down near your neck giving you a hickey while his cum spills inside you. "Hopefully this can satisfy you for tonight. We don't want anything spilling out now do we?"Rindou hummed, pulling your panties off your legs throwing them across his floor before cuddling up with you.

#mouzees corner #tokyo revengers smut #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers bonten #bonten rindou #bonten rindou x reader #tokyorev rindou #rindou haitani #rindou smut #rindou x reader #rindou x y/n #rindou x you #bonten rindou haitani

159 notes · View notes

starseneyes · 1 year

Text

Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 17

"The Enemy Within" AKA Chenford Sucks at Babysitting

I've been so caught up in life (mostly great stuff) that I almost forgot it was Chenford night! Gee wiz!

But, for those following along:

we got an amazing deal on a car

we're this close to picking a roof vendor

I have another regular client for a few months

might have one more big contract coming in

See!? Good. Just busy.

SPOILER ALERT: I like spoilers very very much. If you don't, please run away. I will spoil the entirety of the episode and the whole series that has come before that if the Meta demands it.

All squared away? Awesomesauce. Let's dive in.

"Hi. Uh, don't hate me." "What did you do?"

Tim is actually smiling when he sees her scurry up to him, versus last episode when he was scowling.

He can't even look at her as he asks his question, because they just weathered the storm of Tim Metro Jenga and now what!?

"No, you're supposed to say, 'I could never hate you.'"

Tim throws a look her way, and we all know that while Tim could never hate Lucy, that's not the point. He needs to know what she did and fast because his imagination's already running wild.

"Fine. I got mad at you a few months back after a Tim Test."

Because she hopped in a TARDIS and took a trip back in time.

Look, I know the timeline on this show can be a counter to reality, considering the first year of the show was about 3.5 years. But we know from 4x05 to 5x06 was a year because both episodes take place on Halloween.

Tim and Lucy started dating in 5x10, and it was "a few weeks" by the time we got to 5x12. So, we're at least a few months past Halloween, meaning that Tim hasn't put Lucy through a Tim Test in well over a year and a half.

Now, it's possible Lucy has no concept of time, but I'll admit the line took me out the first time I heard it because I try to keep track of the timeline for the sake of these Metas.

Is it a ridiculous thing to be bothered by? Abso-friggin-lutely. And totally attributable to Lucy's inability to keep track of time. Her pregnancy might feel like a decade and her first child's first year in a blink of an eye.

I hear that's how it goes for people who have one kid, at least. My twin pregnancy was a breeze compared to my second pregnancy with my daughter, and the twins' first year was... survival.

What matters is—Lucy was so pissed she set Tim up.

"Which one?" "Oh, weird, I honestly don't remember. But, so, that's not important." "What did you do?"

Tim's mouth is open the whole time she's talking, just waiting for her to give him a straight answer. He knows this is bad with how much she's stammering and starting over.

"I signed you up to be a Make a Dream mentor and then I totally forgot about it. I'm sorry." "For when?" "Today."

Tim's eyebrows shoot up to the sky and his hand automatically rises in protest. Lucy's hands rise to meet them, and his falls away.

It's a part of their dance. Yes, this sounds like I'm high. No, I'm not high (and never have been in my life). I'm connecting dots over here! ... Which also makes it sound like I'm high.

Have you ever noticed how Tim and Lucy shift based on the other, sometimes? When they're outside the plane in 5x01 and they're holding onto one another, there's a sway to their movements. They do it, again, in 5x12 right before Lucy disrobes her honey so she can eat him up. *ahem*

Tim and Lucy have a feel for each other. For the space the other occupies. There are times when occupying the same space is a very good thing, of course. But there are other times where they simply shift to make room for the other.

It's such a sweet, subtle thing that is more than likely good blocking and/or actor instinct. But it makes for such a beautiful visual of give-and-take with Chenford. It's mesmerizing.

"It's a good thing... lifting up a sick kid who's having a really hard time. What could you possibly be doing with your day that would be more important than that?

Lucy grabs onto his arm and he spins back to face her. Most of the time, it's small, open-handed touches from Lucy when they're at work. But this time she full-on handles her future husband to get his attention.

"Nice job boxing me in" "Thank you."

Tim's mad-impressed with his woman. If he wasn't so pissed, he might suggest they slip into a closet Wopez style for a quickie.

Lucy gives Tim the most adorable little bow, like a performer appreciating the applause.

"Where are you going?" I gotta go out on patrol." "You are me are gonna be entertaining our Make a Dream kid together."

Because if I have a kid, that means you have a kid. Like, it's already a foregone conclusion for these two.

Remember, Lucy knows that Tim wants kids, and thought he'd have some by now. Tim knows Lucy wants kids because she talked at length with him about her ovaries (even when he didn't want her to).

They're on the same page. Someday (not right now) there are gonna be little Chenford babies running around.

But right now, let's see if these two can handle one kid for a day.

"What else could you possibly do with your day that's more important?" "Yeah, right. I should have seen that coming."

You really should have. And while I'm curious about the logistics of this, considering he's not her supervisor, anymore, so he can't decide what she does with her day, I'm totally willing to suspend disbelief and have some fun.

Chenford + Kid? This'll be fun!

"This is my son Jordy. Say hi." "Hi. I hear you wanna be a cop." "Yeah." "Okay, well, you're gonna be hanging out with us today." "So, I just pick him up at 3?" "We'll take good care of him."

Tim has a smile for the kid when Jordy arrives, but it's not his "stop kissing my girlfriend you asshat" face he usually reserves for Chris. This is that smile he often reserves for kids—welcoming and sincere, yet still subtle. You can see it on his face with the Little League team earlier this season.

Also, I'm very curious about how this system works. I know I'm that weird Mom who wants to watch her kids' dance and Ninja classes, but I've signed waivers with those places, too. So, did Lucy forge Tim's signature on a waiver of some kind? That would be an interesting fanfic!

Also, the use of "we" and "us" still gets me. You'd think I'd be bored of it considering they've been knocking boots a while, now, but inclusive language makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

This is what happens when someone with two communications degrees writes a Meta. I'm so, so sorry.

"So, I'm thinking Processing. Wanna take your fingerprints? Get a mugshot taken?

Tim is so cute with kids! He's really trying to give this kid a fun day, even though this is not how he planned to spend his day.

Lucy's little dance in this scene had me rolling, too. We're so getting a sneak-peek at these two as parents. Spoiler Alert... they've got some work to put in. Thank God the first year is (as Bradley Whitford said in one of my favorite shows) "an on-ramp".

"Okay. Give me your meanest face." "Now look miserable."

Is it weird that Tim reminds me of my dad in this scene? Doesn't help that it's hilarious, and my Dad's an ex-standup comic. Yes, I mean it. Never feed that man a straight line.

But this kid does look miserable. Poor thing looks like he'd rather be anywhere else than at a police station.

"This doesn't exactly feel like making dreams come true." "He looks like he hates us."

Because he does. He hates your guts. It's finally happened... someone hates Chenford.

And, I know in reality there's always someone who hates something. I hate mushrooms. My husband loves them. It does nothing to the mushroom's opinion of life that I don't want to eat it while Matthew does.

But the fact that this kid's literally mean-mugging Chenford had me rolling.

Also, Tim has his arm up on the counter before Lucy approaches. When she does, his arm moves out of the way so her arm can rest there. It's their dance—always making space for one another.

THEY LOST THE KID.

I wrote this over here, then glanced at Twitter and briefly wondered if we were going to have this as a trending topic because... oh my gosh, two cops just lost a kid.

And, look, kids can be sneaky. When my Eldest was 3, he decided to play Hide and Seek at 10PM and forgot to tell us.

We searched the entire house and were about to call 911 (even though he couldn't yet unlock the doors and they were all deadbolted shut) when I finally called out that we were going to throw away toys if he didn't come out.

He was standing on the sill of our bay window with the curtains almost flat against him because he was so tiny. I sobbed, hugged him, and told him that he couldn't play hide and seek without telling us first.

My kid didn't even mean to be sneaky. This kid clearly does.

"We didn't lose him. We misplaced him."

He's not a ballpoint pen, Timothy. You lost a person.

"How can you be so calm? What if this was your kid?"

The kid is inside a police station with lots of good people to watch out for him. Believe me, it could be worse.

"You know what, if we ever lose our kids, I'm gonna need you to take this a lot more seriously." "Hold up, our kids would know better than to pull a stunt like this."

Y'all expecting or something!?

And, no, this is not a question you should ever, ever ask anyone in real life no matter what.

I can't tell you how many times people asked, "Why aren't you pregnant, yet?" and I wanted to scream, "Because I don't ovulate, have a tilted sacrum, have endometriosis, and a preferential tube... but thanks for reminding me of the failed procedures, tests, and attempts at pregnancy. Really appreciate it."

But, since Tim and Lucy are fictional... I'm wondering if we're being set up for a surprise pregnancy.

Like, I think Lucy would definitely want to make her mark, first, with UC before purposefully conceiving. But, my mother knew a couple who twice got pregnant through three kinds of birth control used simultaneously. It can happen.

No matter what's coming down the line show-wise, I love how casually they are talking about it. This isn't a maybe for them, but an actuality. They truly believe that they will be parents together. And I believe it, too!

Tim remarks that they're doing well so far, and I wonder if something was cut for time. Maybe not, but it twinkles at my brain that I feel like I'm missing something.

Maybe that's just the fact I haven't had dinner, yet. Definitely missing some calories today! And Tim and Lucy are definitely missing their first kid together (second if we count Tamara).

"I found this kid wandering around and he said he belongs to you."

Their first time at a water park, this is so gonna happen. I can't tell you how many times I was on set, separated from my mother, and a random person would take one look at me and say, "Your mother's over there."

"He kept asking me what my childhood pet's name was."

This sounds like a scam. Like, remember the early days of the internet when we all did a/s/l? And then it evolved into these elaborate quizzes to post that were really data-mining schemes? Yeah... good times.

This kid's a walking BuzzFeed quiz. Beware, Aaron. Don't hit "submit"!

"What kinda kid doesn't like dogs?" "Tim."

I love her exasperation, here, but I also kinda want to write a love letter to Melissa O'Neil on all the different ways she says, "Tim" in this one episode.

I'll never forget this one actor on a movie my mother keyed who asked me to run lines with him. There was this short line he had me say over and over and over, again.

He was trying to get me to understand the many different ways you can say a line and how that can change its meaning. Kid-Rachel didn't quite get it, but adult Rachel looks back on that moment with fondness.

Melissa O'Neil really personifies that lesson in this episode. Here, Lucy's exasperated. Later, shocked and chastising. Later, still, enamored. It's one bloody word, "Tim", and yet her performance brings it to life in different ways every time. Beautiful.

THEY LOST THE KID, AGAIN

While I've been waxing poetic, Chenford's lost the damn kid, again!

"This is ridiculous."

Watching Tim and Lucy walking down the hall aghast and worried... Yup, this is totally their future. Tim's going to air-tag their kid to keep them from wandering off after this little experience.

Tim On One Knee

I know I wasn't the only Chenford-ian experiencing flash-forwards on that one. Also, the last time we saw Tim on his knees by the Shop he was looking for diamonds (also with Lucy). And now it's a kid.

Yes, this is reaching. Like, this is reaching past your cousin Burt to dip your latke in the applesauce reaching. But, come on, it's right there. I didn't even have to work for that parallel!

"I really hope you're enjoying your revenge for that Tim Test." "I'm really not. Come on."

And light-hearted as this adventure is, it's kinda perfect that Lucy's choice in "revenge" was something that would be helpful to someone else.

In an ideal situation, this kid would want to be here. And annoyed as Tim would be to lose his day, he would actually enjoy helping a kid. Because, Tim likes kids.

Lucy likes to screw with Tim. Not make his life (and hers, by extension, now) hell.

"If someone I worked for tried to put me in a wood chipper, I'd flip on them." "If someone you worked for tried to put you in a wood chipper, they'd be in the wood chipper."

I freakin love Angela. I know that this is a Chenford meta, but Nyla saying that was so badass and so true. My #3 is a fighter.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Ooooh, Tim broke out a curse word in front of a child. And, yeah, the kid broke into a secure police system, so it was warranted.

"Okay, do you even have cancer?" "Tim." "That part's true."

Look, it's out of line, but I totally get it. Tim doesn't trust people to begin with. He believes it has to be earned, but he cut this kid a break at the onset. Now, he realizes this kid played him and he's pissed.

But Lucy was right to call Tim out with a gentle admonishment using only his name because Melissa O'Neil if a rockstar who can convey all that with a single syllable.

"Okay, but you lied about wanting to be a cop." "Of course. Cops are whack."

The way I was rolling during that part. The way Tim and Lucy immediately look to one another? Priceless.

Also, Tim was kinda right. The kid does hate them.

"He said if I could figure out a way to get rid of his tickets, he'd buy me an ebike."

Asshole Dad. Poor kid. Like, yes, this kid is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong.

But so was Tim when he covered for his father's affair. These are children whose decisions are being influenced and informed by the adults around them.

"You are a criminal, Mr. Yates. And you made your son one, too."

I can't even imagine how hard this is. Because Jordy is a child, and he's already facing all the elements of childhood cancer. Adding charges on top of it?

And we all know that Tim won't charge the kid. But his dad's a different story. Tim has a problem with parents who hurt their children—be it physical or emotional.

"I can't go to jail. My family needs me."

This wordless communication is my favorite part of the entire episode.

At the beginning of their story, Tim and Lucy spoke completely different languages. Let's say Tim was barking in Latin and Lucy's finessed in French. There's enough root words to comprehend, but not truly understand one another.

Over time, they've learned one another's languages to the point that they don't even need words anymore. Tim has softened where Lucy has become more crisp and refined.

Lucy's look to Tim is a plea. There's so much to what this man is saying. Yes, he's clearly broken the law with all those parking passes, and then persuading his sick son to try to get rid of them.

But losing his license and car creates an added burden on this already-hurting family. This man is desperate. Dumb, yes. But desperate.

"His medical costs are killing us" struck me hard. On paper, my family looks good financially, right? But then there's the medical costs. Mine. My kids'. I'm on so many payment plans trying to stay on top of it.

So, an innocent bill might seem like nothing, but when paychecks are inconsistent and things break down one. after. the. other... it leaves us exposed. Matthew got a speeding ticket last month, and if not for his "taking no time off this month" bonus from the school, it wouldn't have been covered.

So, I get the fear and desperation. I'm just not as dumb as this guy.

Meeting her eyes, Tim's eyebrows shoot up. "Are you kidding me?" they say. In one look, he knows what she wants.

Look. How. Far. We've. Come.

It used to be that he was oblivious... then he would ask others how Lucy was. Then, he knew enough to ask her himself. He knew in a glance that something was on her mind, but didn't know what.

Now he knows what's on her mind. He knows exactly what she's thinking. At first he doesn't believe it. But he knows it.

He looks away, trying to decide how he's going to handle it. Then, he looks back to Lucy to confirm. She looks away, thinking she's pushed too hard, accepting whatever Tim decides.

Watch. Her. Listening when Tim tells Dumbass Dad he's not going to jail. Her eyes shift back up to him, grateful. Not only did her message get through, but Tim listened and took action.

They've come so far in their communication. But, Tim's also come far as a man.

He's always been a good cop. But he missed the human element, sometimes. He was afraid of it. Showing compassion made things worse, in his eyes.

And I'm not saying that we should just give every criminal a clean slate for no reason. But Tim made the compassionate choice, and I can only hope the Dumbass Dad makes the most of it.

"You're going to Daddy and Me Traffic school."

Can this really exist? Because it sounds a helluva lot more fun than the traffic school I had to go to back in the day. Yes, Rachel has a lead foot.

I got my first ticket on Thanksgiving when I was at university. My parents showed up to court to support me, and when the Judge noted them reacting to the cop's account, he called them out. They waved. He smiled. I got a reduced ticket.

So, the lesson of the story is that you can go fast and be okay if your parents are good enough actors.

"How can I make it up to you?" "Be a better father to your son."

Strong words from a man who will someday be an incredible father in spite of the monster who raised him, leaving him without example of what that looks like.

But Tim knows what a good father should be. Despite never having one himself, he knows. And while he'll make his own mistakes, he won't pass on the trauma to his children. He'll create an entirely new legacy of love. With Lucy's help, of course.

"Daddy and Me Traffic school sounds fun."

Whose desk Is this? Is this Lucy's desk? Is he doing paperwork out here because he doesn't want to go back to his office?

I'm sure there's a logistical reason why this scene happened where it did (maybe Tim's office can't fit three people... it is the size of a closet). But, when I fist saw him sitting there, I was confused for a second.

"It was a really nice gesture, Tim."

One word. Three letters. She's giving us a masterclass, folks. Rewatch it. You'll see.

"I wanted to throw that guy in jail for putting his son in that position." "But?" "You're a good influence."

Hell, yeah, she is. Lucy has helped Tim see pieces of himself that needed refining, but also the best of who he is. Part of what I love about this relationship is that even in the seasons when he was her superior officer, she matched him as an instructor.

They taught one another the whole way—Tim teaching Lucy to be a little more wary of the world, and Lucy teaching Tim to be a little more open. They're at their best when they meet in the middle.

"You're gonna make a really great dad one of these days."

Anyone else melt into a puddle? Or just me? I only recently re-congealed so I could write this thing.

There's such adoration in Lucy's eyes, because she's not just saying this to a coworker. She's saying this to the love of her life. Picturing him with their children, she's falling in love with him a little bit more.

And while I'm not in a rush for Chenford babies... I love that they're talking about it. That they are expecting it. That it's a part of the life they are building together.

Both of them were previously in relationships with no real future. No fulfilling one, anyway. This is the relationship neither knew they needed, but that's the proverbial Cinderella's glass slipper—a perfect fit.

"I'm gonna have to. You keep losing our kids everywhere you go." "Come on. Stop it!"

What did I just listen to!? Y'all are really tryin' to take me out with this one! But, seriously, much like the "gave me the will to live" line from 5x10, Tim is saying this strictly for Lucy's reaction.

It reminds me so much of my own relationship I could scream. Matthew and I constantly do that to one another. Mostly me, though. It's mostly on me. His reactions are so perfect!

I'm also getting major Double Date energy with the delivery of "Come on. Stop It." when we were all blessed with the Tale of Gerald the Goat. It's all in the delivery, and I love it.

Almost as much as I love Tim's real smile with teeth at Lucy's reaction. That smile is for her, and it's amazing.

Didn't expect to wrap this one so early, but loveyby went to bed early after getting our Littlest finally to bed.

I really am loving the journey Tim and Lucy are on. Were they the comic relief this episode? Yes. It's an ensemble show, and sometimes that's their role.

Am I trying to rush a pregnancy? No way. I know I called out the possibility of a surprise pregnancy in this Meta, but that's in no way scripture, here. It's simply a possibility.

But I do think these two are in a lovely place. And I'm so grateful neither has been dramatically killed off, yet. It's kinda nice to have a living, breathing ship! I'll try not to get used to it... just in case.

Side Note: Bristow earned her keep, so maybe it's a good thing Lopez didn't "get that woman out of [her] house". Made me chuckle when I watched thinking about it!

Thank you so much for reading! We have a bit of a hiatus, but we'll make it through together! One breath at a time.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #The Rookie #Meta #Lucy x Tim #Tim x Lucy

106 notes · View notes

redstarsandnightmares · 4 months

Text

Okay. Now that I've gotten some sleep, I can make a proper post.

I know I'm new to the RP side of Tumblr, it was nice to come back to a hobby that I hadn't touched in over a decade. I had forgotten how rewarding and all consuming it is.

In the last several months you guys have put up with me through some super high highs and super low lows and I can't thank all of you enough. Gonna pinpoint some people but if I don't mention you specifically I'm sorry! <3

I'm not going to crosspost this to all of my pages, just on this one, so if you're wondering why you're getting tagged over here I just dont feel like re-posting this a million times.

@brooklynbred/@sheshootsxruns/@wiidowbiit/every single other one of your blogs - My life is better for having you in it, pup. I wasn't expecting a half hearted attempt to keep myself busy to bring me someone that I care so much about but....here you are. I know things have been rough lately in both of our lives...but as long as we've got each other, we'll get though it, y'know? Love you bunches. <3

@ghostofwinter - We've had a weird few months, huh? You were one of the first people to come at me arms wide open when I popped up on this scene not knowing where to start. We've had our ups and downs but I love you dearly regardless. Here's to more threads soon, yeah? It's a new year. Let's embrace that.

@little-blog-of-horrors - The *other* person who as the first on the scene when I showed up. I miss our massive threads, I really do. I know life has done nothing but deal you a shitty hand lately and I wish I could give you all the hugs and take away all the ick. Consider this me givving you the biggest hug on the planet and I'll be here when you're ready to dive back into posting all the posts again. In the meantime, I'll see you in Vallanor.

@hailhydrasheads - Our goofy ass thread has been a saving grace when I needed it, I thank you dearly for putting up with my madness. Sometimes ours was the only thing I felt like answering. Thanks for reminding me of a ship I had only bounced around in the back of my head. It has me in a vice grip now and it's your fault.

@zemothethirteenth - I couldn't ask for a better writing partner AND friend. Seriously. You intimidated the hell out of me when we first started writing with you but I'm *so glad* that we are where we are now. You're amazing and have been there to listen to me when I desperately needed a logical ear to kick me in the ass and I thank you for it. You push me to be a better writer on the daily.

@resignedworkaholics - We have so many threads and I'm so proud of every single one of them. I love that we just keep throwing crazy shit at each other and seeing what sticks. I don't think I have anyone on here that I have as much fun with as our random gremlin chaos. <3

To the rest of my silly ass discord, you guys have gotten me through life this fall and winter and I wouldn't know what to do without you. Seriously. I have never had a "group" that I fit in so well with and I'm so glad ya'll didn't run from me when I threw myself at you. You guys are amazing. (@twxtches, @kissedbymischief, @cyberneticasset, @pleinsdemuses, @iwillbreathe, @itasedhim)

@scarsmasked - <3 I can't give you more hugs than I already have on discord, but consider this one more. Thanks for trusting me. You didn't have to, but you did, and I'm the better for it. I hope I can keep dragging you out of your shell, you deserve to be happy in your own space and on your own blog and I'll be damned if I don't do my best to help you find that safety. I can't wait to indulge this ship with you, truly.

@redxinmyledger - Thank you for putting up with my slow ass. Our thread is amazing!

@abcdefghijklmnopqrstucky - We haven't known each other long, but thank you for keeping me spice-fueled. You're a phenom friend and I'm glad we have gotten to write together.

@blackxskyx - I know our threads have been a little slow going but I enjoy them *so damn much!* I can't wait to dig more into them.

@shieldagentnatasharomanoff - Thanks for not bolting when I told you I've been following you for longer than I have been RPing. You're a brilliant writer, a sweet as hell person, and I can't wait to keep writing with you.

@warsinmyhead - Thank you for trusting me with one of your babies! I know it's been a little slow lately, but our thread is crazy interesting and I cant wait to get more into the meat of it.

To all of the new people who have showed up in my asks and my dms in the recent last little bit, I cant *WAIT* to write more with all of you!

---

@prettytm - You deserve your own little space because you're the reason I have these blogs in the first place. I can't thank you enough for pushing me like you did. Youre an amazing friend and an even amazing writer and I sincerely hope I can entice your muses into more threads. You know how much I care about them and you. Getting closer to you recently has been amazing and I'm thankful for your friendship. Your trust means a hell of a lot to me knowing what you have been through lately and you are one of the few people who just *gets* how I feel about my muses and how they speak to me. Thank you. Our chat will *always* be a safe space for you. Always. You mean the world to me.

OKAY NOW THAT IM DONE WRITING AND CRYING.... Heres to another crazy year you crazy kids. I love all of you SO MUCH and couldn't even *imagine* where my life would be without all of you in it. You have changed mine for the better over the last several months (has it really been that short? Really?) and kept me sane. Here's to new stories, stronger friendships, and so much much MUCH more love through 2024.

Thanks to all of you I found a home for my weird self.

#〘⋯✪ooc - who the hell is bucky?⋯〛#i didnt want to cry today but here we are #i love all of you so much

33 notes · View notes

jiminsass-istant · 5 months

Text

Dipping my feet into a pile of dogsh*t again: JM Tattoo discourse

Okay I absolutely hate bringing this up again, and I wish I could physically, gently hold jkkers hands when they type about this topic again. Maybe hold them hands and look into your eyes with a pleading look. Let's put an end to this, shall we?

One, if you are choosing to 100% believe JK's own words, you are doing the right thing and you can stop reading this as you have already made up your mind.

Now that they are gone, let's consider these facts:

1. JK is an artist. No, he's like a real proper painter and everything. A good one at that. Have you seen him digitally making letters with that cartoonish font? Yeah.

2. JK is a videographer, video editor, photographer, vlogger even. And he's good. You must have heard of GCFs right?

3. Before tattoos are made, your tattoo artist will give you a preview of how they would look. At least you yourself would think and visualise how it would look on your hands. A very visible part of your body. He knew how it would look and be perceived.

4. Crossword formation: JK has a crossword tattoo on his arm. Even primary school children can solve crosswords you know.

5. The JM: Jimin has used "#JM" and "#JMJK" on bts_twt posts since forever. JM in relation to BTS has always been short for Jimin. I don't think I need to bring up the fact the n number of times JK has referred to Jimin as JM.

6. JK is a man of few words. He doesn't churn out lyrics or words or life changing sentences like RM on the daily. His form of expression has mostly been art, music, videos, tattoos, outfits.

About the implications of the tattoo if it is indeed about Jimin:

1. Why would an idol ever reveal that he has his bandmate's name tattooed on his arm if he knows there are very serious shippers in the fandom who would definitely blow this up till the media puts out an article next day?

2. What's wrong with having a bandmate's name on your hand? Now this part is most important to me.

What's wrong with having the name of a man on your hands? The same man with whom he spent some of the worst and best times of his life over the past 10+ years. The same person who JK has repeatedly implied understands him, "we click", and spends a whole lot of time together for a fact. The same person JK goes to spend time with, to share silence and do nothing, after a gruelling day of rehearsals and photoshoots. The same person who he trusts enough to take care of his mental health for possibly the most difficult time of his life for 18 months. If I loved tattoos and had a friend like that, I wouldn't hesitate to tattoo their name on me either.

I heard that 2 members from Ateez, who consider themselves bffs and soulmates also have matching tattoos. There you go. It's not that weird now, is it?

"Then why didn't JK just admit it was for JM?"

Simply because he didn't want to. They are very very aware of the media. Not just k-media. Global media as well. Imagine how the fandom would react if he was that biased towards just 1 member. They'll be doing the usual SCT (screaming, crying, throwing up).

I'll put the JM tattoo issue on the same shelf as GCF tokyo. Something he did despite knowing the implications and how it would be perceived. But did it anyway. JK just does the stuff he wants to, guys. High time you all realise that.

I'm not the type of person who is easily swayed by theories. Either a theory makes sense or it does not. If there are no huge gaps in a theory, it makes sense to me. This is one of those.

Remember how people said JK was lying on Suchwita when he was asked the 'dream' question by Suga and replied he wasn't aware of this segment... because he watched the entire Jimin Suchwita? WRONG. He didn't watch the entire one. In the last segment of Suchwita, our JK was already distracted and went to the kitchen to do something. Then he came back for the ending scene. He actually didn't know about the last questions Suga asks his guests. This is one example of why you shouldn't go with everything the jkkers say.

Anyhoo...i digress.

Final thoughts:

The fandom and even shippers didn't react this strongly when people came up with the BS theory about how the tattoos represented all members. That theory became BS right when JK said that he wished the letters in 'army' tattoo weren't so minimal. The 'A' without the line in the middle was never 'V'. If JK had foresight, the 'A' would have had the line, maybe with a tail and horns on it and flames coming out. You know what I mean. The OT7 theory went out the window just like that.

Just because there's a possibility it means 'JM', doesn't prove or disprove they are 'real'. What it does prove is that they are the best and closest duo in Bangtan. They don't care how their actions towards each other are perceived because they are THAT secure about their friendship/bond. Jimin didn't care when he openly admitted multiple times in 2020 that he spent nights with JK, woke up and saw JK etc. Neither did JK care when he keeps saying they do nothing at night (once in the early years (2014-15), another time when he was asked about the most memorable time of the tokyo trip and it was jm playing all night on phone, and most recently - going to Jimin's room for no reason other than to do nothing (during PTD)).

PS: (fanfic alert)

Jimin notices the JM formation on JK's hands for the first time.

"JM!?.. you love me so much JK. "

"It's not what you think. J is for ...umm JK".

"Where's the K then?"

"......"

"It's okay bro, I'll write a song for you one day. That's how I'll repay this gesture, bro."

"Would you feature me in it?"

"So you admit it's JM??"

"NO!!!"

~~~

#jikook #kookmin

46 notes · View notes

copperbadge · 2 years

Note

Hi Sam! If you're comfortable, I would definitely be interested in hearing about your upcoming experience with Adderall as an adult taking it for the first time. I'm 30 and will be inquiring about an ADHD diagnosis later this month, but Adderall scares me a little (probably unfounded, I've just never taken any kind of psych med or non-allergy daily med, and if I forget my allergy meds I just get a nasty headache and nothing more) and everyone I asked about their experience is under 25 and has been taking it for many years. I'm really interested to see how you feel while taking it, if you're willing to share 💙

I've had quite a few requests like this so I'm definitely going to keep talking about it when there's anything to talk about, under the Sam Has ADHD tag. :)

FWIW, this is my first experience with a drug like this, which affects brain chemistry -- the only other comparable experience I’ve had is weed, and I’ve never been an especially heavy user of that either. Never took antidepressants, mood stabilizers, sedatives, anything like that, so I’m in much the same position you are, although I have taken daily medication for other health issues before.

10mg of Adderall, which is a pretty low dose, clearly had an effect, which is good; the recommendation was twice daily, five or six hours apart depending on how I feel, on an empty stomach, so I took it at 5am before breakfast and again at noon before lunch. I had...a real weird evening, because while I wasn't doing a ton more than usual I did end up somehow staying up until around 10pm, which for me is very late, without really noticing. So today I thought I'd try just a single dose that would see me through the majority of the workday, and took 10mg at 6:30am after having eaten breakfast at 4am.

It kicked in yesterday right at the half-hour mark after taking, but this morning after half an hour I thought perhaps not taking it on a totally empty stomach had fucked with my ability to absorb the dose.

But then around 7:15 I cleaned out my front hall closet.

That wasn't something I'd been planning on and did give me a very "opening sequence of The Salton Sea" moment (the movie opens, after a brief history of meth, in a party house where among other things two women on speed are frantically organizing a sock drawer). Still, it did need doing, and now there's space to install some boxes to keep my winter sweaters. Which means my reward this evening is a trip to Container Store. And also a puzzle I get to do which I found while cleaning out the closet.

I am clearly going to have to learn to aim my new ability to focus, since unless I make a deliberate decision I just appear to pick Something To Do and do it, but that's a calibration issue and I’m pretty sure I can master it as long as I remember it exists.

The sensation is a little odd because after about an hour I can definitely tell my brain is working differently. It's kind of like being high, there's that same sense of calm, but my thoughts feel clear instead of clouded the way THC affects them. And things just get easier, like I'll think "Oh, I need to throw out that empty shampoo bottle" and instead of pretending I'll remember to do it after the shower, I just reach into the shower and pick it up and throw it out. I have done so many dishes in the last 24 hours, you guys. And right on the dot, at five and a half hours after taking it, I could feel my brain whirr to a stop.

Anyway it is rather validating to be reacting to a drug in the way I'm meant to, because I did get the distinct impression from the evaluation clinic that they felt my ADHD was too mild to require treatment. I don't actually feel high, or manic, or even really very different. I just do more stuff. Like someone tightened two or three screws in my brain and the gears no longer misalign as often. At least for five hours or so. :D

#sam has adhd

360 notes · View notes

blubushie · 1 year

Note

good morning, this is someone from the discord but i won't say who because i don't wanna get yelled at (sorry!) you said you're intersex, how's that work? if you don't mind talking about it? i'm sorry if this is rude!

I wouldn't have yelled at you even if you'd asked there!

Doctors "determined" that I'm 46,XY-DSD, but there's a fair chance that I've got some other stuff going on because if I am that, I'm atypical. I also have PAIS, partial androgen insensitivity syndrome.

I'm atypical in two regards: one, most blokes with PAIS 46,XY have micropenises. Mine is normal. Two, gonads (or, at least, ovaries) aren't present with 46,XY. When I was born I looked completely normal externally and no one knew that I was intersex. We knew I had some issues because my hormones weren't working properly, I wasn't growing properly, and I was at risk of osteoporosis, but we didn't exactly know what that was about. My actual problems didn't start until puberty, when I was about twelve or thirteen and started getting these bad stomach cramps once a month. Doctors couldn't figure out what the fuck it was and after five months of that I was sent in to test my androgen levels, which is how they found out about my fucked up oestrogen/testosterone issue. And at this point my parents started noticing that I was getting a more feminine silhouette, so something was defo up. I was put on testosterone supplements but that... didn't really help much, because my oestrogen levels were still too high.

Also I couldn't get erections at this point, for some reason. Doctors think it might've been because of how my penis itself is structured. Either way, it doesn't get enough of a blood rush to actually get erect. Most I can manage is just a half-there erection. Sensitive but not noticeable as an erection to anyone but me.

So after three years of this shit (and being put on T) I ended up with a masculine silhouette, but I still grew breasts. Very large breasts. Not fun, and everyone hung shit on me for it.

And doctors still didn't know why the hell my oestrogen levels were so bloody high, so they gave me an ultrasound and it turns out the reason why I was having those cramps is because my abdominal muscles were clenching as a result of me having a hormonal period, and that was caused by the fact I had a very undersized ovary on my left side. We'd always thought I was just born without a left testicle but nah, it was an ovary. I can't recall if it was just ovarian tissue or an actual ovary. Either way, I got a laparoscopy but instead of going directly through my stomach they entered at the base of my penis (there's reason for this, I'll get to that in a tic). So they removed my one single ovary that'd been causing so much trouble, and at the same time they were doing that they also put in an implant so I can get erections, which works out just fine. There's a little button I press that fills two rods in my penis with fluid whenever I want an erection, and the erection does not go away. It lasts until I crack my dick in half like a glowstick, which then releases the fluid back into the reservoir. All in all it works great, I love it, and everyone else either thinks it's weird or adores it since I can keep my erection indefinitely no matter how many times I orgasm.

Also on that note, I don't produce much semen. My prostate doesn't work properly and produces very little and my seminal vesicles are undersized so I can only make enough semen for maybe two rounds and then I'm dry, and it takes me about a week (or sometimes two) to refill my seminal vesicles. On the plus side, this has helped train me to orgasm dry, so there's that. Also my knacker is fucked so I don't produce viable sperm (though luckily I do produced testosterone, just... not much). I'm completely sterile (though I reckon I would probably be sterile anyway because of whatever's going on with my chromosomes).

Anyway, a few months after I went through all of that, I finally got top surgery (and some reconstructive surgery on my penis because there was some shit there that was a little fucked. Mostly tight skin, I'm fine now).

I'm still embarrassed about the top surgery scars, mostly because people see them and then they assume I'm trans (like gynecomastia isn't a thing) and they wonder what's in my daks, and it's even worse when I take my clothes off because then they see that scar at the base of my penis and wonder about that and assume phalloplasty and it's a whole thing. It sucks all around. I get assumptions from trans people, I get assumptions from cis people, I was at Bondi once with my shirt off and had a trans tourist bloke walk up to me and start discussing it because "I was the only other trans guy on the beach" and it was hell to explain that we aren't brothers in that regard. I'm kinda shunned from both groups. I don't fit in with other cis blokes because I'm very visibly not like them (once my shirt come off, at least) and I don't fit in with trans blokes because I'm also not like them (even though they keep trying to claim me whenever they see my scars). This (and a feeling of being exposed in general) is a big reason why my clothes stay on during roots.

Since you're in the Discord you might've seen that thing yesterday where everyone revealed they thought I was transmasc and Wander said I'm the world's most transgender cis man, which... is amusing, in a way. And not wrong. I've been on T, I've had top surgery, I've gotten a penile implant, I've had an oophorectomy, I chose my own name. So it's not wrong. I've kinda been back and forth between everything, and for a long while I struggled with my gender because of my outwards appearance especially as a teenager when I sounded and looked like a girl before I was put on T. Even when I was actively living as a girl for two years until I was 16, I just did it to fit in. I passed as a girl, people only ever saw a girl, and that... bites. A lot. My therapist was insisting I was a transgender girl, and that things would be less stressful if I transitioned and just embraced my feminine side, so... y'know. Peer pressure. I became a girl.

And that's the origin of the whole "bushgender" thing. My concept of gender is still very much fucked between that and the autism. This is also why I hate wearing skirts. Or any clothing that registers as feminine to me. Or just... being feminine. Femininity is a major sore spot for me. Which is hilarious, because I like it on other people. Really like it on chicks. I just hate it on me.

Anyway, that's about as well as I can explain it. I've got all the male bits (and then some female pieces) but none of them (except my penis now) work all that well. We don't really know what's wrong with me, but to cover my arse the docs say it's very atypical 46,XY-DSD. My chromosomes haven't been examined yet but I reckon that 46,XX is actually the more likely. 46,XY means I'm biologically male on a chromosomal level, and my genitals reflect that, but the presence of ovarian tissue suggests I'm defo not 46,XY since that's never present in that condition. The more likely of the two is that I'm 46,XX, which would make me biologically female from a chromosomal perspective. It would also explain my height and my issues with testosterone production while also explaining my normal-appearing genitals, since 46,XX often results in normal male genitalia but primarily results in hormonal issues (which is what I primarily have).

So yeah, we're going with 46,XX.

#blu whos #code blu

27 notes · View notes