i feel like this when m i’m walking on a road with no sidewalk

I love going viral on tumblr.com. It’s like if you stood in a field and said some of the stupidest shit a human being is capable of and then like fifty thousand crows attacked you

oh boy I hope my good friend Jonathan Harker has a good trip this year

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

People are always so nice to me everywhere I go and it always comes as a surprise. In every place I visit, I always end up having nice little conversations with strangers and exchanging compliments with random women and leaving interactions going, "Wow, they were so nice!" It's weird because I know perfectly well that I have the social skills of a rutabaga, but somehow people seem to realize that I'm friendly and have good intentions despite my awkwardness, like a dog that gets a little too excited.

This was certainly not the case when I was a kid, so it still always comes as a surprise when people are kind to me instead of making fun of me. It's like people's response to me suddenly went from "Horrible gremlin" to "Innocent human, possibly under a curse."

if you've ever used the London Underground you might have noticed that it often gets uncomfortably hot. the reason for this is actually that its builders dug too greedily & too deep and as a result the trains are very close to the fires of hell. hope that helps.

I have this theory that those of us who watched 13 Going On 30 as kids didn't internalize those fears of turning 30 as much as past generations because we enshrined the idea of being "Thirty and flirty and thriving."

ive been thinking about this tweet for the past 2 days like literally nonstop

I went to a German immersion elementary school for a few years, which means that every time I see the word omakase, I need to point out to everyone that it translates to "Grandma cheese" in German.

german emotions

The inspiration for today’s look is pollen being on everything

general grievous dating sim

At the club checkin my tumblr notes

In honor of National Sibling Day, I would like to confess that when I learned that my little sister was going to move into my bedroom with me (around first grade), I for some reason I coped with this news by telling all of my classmates and teachers that I was getting one of those talking animatronic trees like from The Rainforest Cafe installed in my bedroom instead.

I have no idea why I was so fixated on this idea of an animatronic tree. I don't know if my mind stubbornly substituted the tree in place of my sister rather than face reality, or if I truly believed my parents would gift me a talking tree as a consolation prize for having to share my room. Anyway, if you were in my first grade class, I'm afraid I must confess that not only did I not get a talking animatronic tree that year, I don't even have a talking animatronic tree now.

@bonos-grindcore-sideproject This is so good

ive gotten so much mileage out of this tweet. every time i see something on the internet that makes me mad i just think to myself "people in real life: hey man how's it going" and i keep it pushing