Windows by @drgrlfriend

Derek has a new neighbor who won't stop looking.

fic by @drgrlfriend

art by @maichan808 & @andavs-main

368 pages / 83,266 words

Title Font: PP Hatton

Body Fonts: Cardo, Geo

HAPPY FFWAD!!! Thank you @renegadepublishing for putting on this event in celebration!

More on the process below the cut!

I'm so excited to be posting this book! Super grateful @drgrlfriend was so down to let me bind Windows for Fan Fiction Writer Appreciation Day. This is one of my all-time favs, and I was thrilled to give it the treatment it deserves! @maichan808 & @andavs-main were also incredibly kind to allow me to include their stunning art pieces in the book <3 And thank you @renegadepublishing for putting this event together!

I wanted the typeset to be visually interesting and move around the page, without making it difficult to read. I created unique headers for each of the 28 chapters with royalty free art, and varied placement on the page in six different configurations. I also played with the text warp to make the text work as part of the image - one of my favorites is chapter 26, "Banshee", pictured above!

I used Brick duo for this bind, as part of the vision for the front cover, which was done in silver permanent vinyl. I think the rich rust color is perfect for how I would imagine Stiles & Derek's apartment building, and the silver is incredibly reflective - my favorite part is how the vinyl catches the light on the spine, and can reflect "Windows" on whatever surface it's on (pictured above). That's not an added effect, it's just doing that!

I did @tankbredgrunt's faux double-core headband with some Sulky Gutermann I bought at a secondhand store for $0.25, and it's so pretty! A bit thin to work with, but totally worth it for the multi-color effect it gives off.

And I finally got a proper crisp hinge! I think it really brings the whole book together, thank you knitting needles (even though you were a pain in the ass).

This project also marks my 100th book! I'm rapidly approaching the two year mark of my fanbinding career with no sign of stopping; thank you to this entire community, and all of the fandoms I've been able to bring this hobby to. I love how cross-fandom it is; and for an old floater like me, it's wonderful to bring all of my interests together and have something that transcends those lines.

HAPPY FAN FICTION WRITER APPRECIATION DAY!

2023 Wrap Up

A strange year that was both long and short. The main lesson to learn from 2023 is the same lesson I have been learning every year since I was 6 years old: Things happen if you try!

 I spent a lot of time this year hitting my head against a wall, or rather healing from an RSI that caused making art to become really fraught. I could bear the wrist pain in order to do my favorite thing (drawing!!!) but then the pain stuck around after I had clocked out for the day and was making dinner. It would go like this: I want to make pasta sauce using canned tomatoes, but using a can opener is so painful now that maybe I should just do something else. The onions and garlic are already cooking in the pan though, what can I pivot that to? I felt like the biggest dunce in the world. I worked my way into being cursed, I deserved it.

I have this craving to just commit to a big art project, like a graphic novel, and keep my head down working on it. Having all my time devoted to work feels a bit like doing penance, like earning my bread. But I look at the world and I know I cannot draw my way out of this. I can’t write my way out of this. I can’t post my way out of this. I am unprepared for what I need to do to earn a better tomorrow. But I am prepared to learn.

I changed up my desk ergonomics and my wrist healed. Thank you to the huge desk easel that I stole from my parents’ house. It’s ugly, heavy, stained, and I keep banging my elbows on its sharp corners. It sucks but it saved my life. Do not resist making your workspace uglier if it might help you! 

Making The Influence and participating in the ShortBox Comics Fair was a huge work highlight this year. I’m so grateful I can make a work with dark themes and have it be understood and appreciated. The encouraging response to The Influence did a lot to kill the bad faith reviewer in my mind. Things are possible if you try!

I started painting again and I really love it. I’m trying to just follow the image-making. Painting is play to me and I want it to remain so. I feel myself itch to turn it into some kind of profitable thing, to make it palatable, but I’m trying to resist so it remains a place of experimentation. 

I also wrote a short novel. It’s awful. I just re-read it and it’s so bad, but reading it makes me happy. It needs serious reworking to be a proper novel, but I did technically cross the finish line and write the whole story. It was very refreshing and informative to branch out like this, even if I don’t think this particular example is fit for human consumption. Earlier in my life I was so stubborn about ONLY working in comics but now I’d like to pursue whatever path I can to have a creative career. If you try!

I had a great time tabling at Short Run this year. Two different people came to my table and told me they came to the show specifically to see my table. One person said Bug Boys was responsible for facilitating “many special moments” with them and their niece. I don’t want to forget about moments like this. It means a lot to me. 

It occurs to me as I type out this year’s accomplishments, they’re mostly things I did at home alone. I haven’t rejoined the world after COVID in a meaningful way, the way I hoped I would during lockdown. It comes naturally to me to make up excuses to stay home, keep my head down, watch how things play out before joining in. That attitude does me a disservice. It isolates me. When other people are only in the screen, they become hypothetical. It’s not right to live this way, but it’s comfortable to me. It feels “safe” after COVID, even though it’s not safe. I know I need to change this. 

It feels sick and strange to be blogging in my safe little apartment during a time of bloodshed. To flip through my planner and think of my future while others starve is obscene. My entire life was obscene in this fashion. It’s my responsibility to sit with this feeling and do something with it.

Here’s to a better 2024. We can do it, we can try. 

In love and solidarity, 

Laura K.

It will soon be Easter and this needs to be said. My cousin posted this over on Facebook, and I promised to share it here. Please do NOT use living creatures as disposable "toys." They have feelings and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

I euthanized your duck today….You know....the duckling you got for Easter to celebrate spring? Well, he barely made it into summer. You thought he was cute when he was little, but before he was fully an adult, you took him to a pond somewhere and dumped him where he had no one to make sure he got proper food, no one to put him up at night so he could be safe from predators, no one to keep him from harm.

So, 'harm' found him. There are many bad things that happen to domestic ducks that are dumped in ponds. I could list all those things and even show photos of the various conditions that I have seen as kind people rescued ducks like yours and brought them to me for care. But the good people who who properly care for all of their pets don't need to have those awful images in their heads. Having seen them all and having worked hard to save them, I cannot EVER get those images out of my head.

YOUR duck had many problems, including being bone thin. But he got wounds on his feet and the bacteria entered his young body and found a place to settle in the joint of his leg. The bacteria grew into a huge knot of infection that painfully ate away at the ligaments and tendons and then attacked both ends of the bones at that joint. The bone infection, which could have easily been corrected if you'd been there to watch over him, instead, grew unchecked and disintegrated the bones and began working out in both directions to the point that the leg swung freely at the joint. To walk, your duck stepped painfully on that leg anyway and the bottom part of the leg bent at odd angles from the site of the infection, looking as if it were broken.

Many people walked by your duck. Some noticed and kept on walking.

I took your duck to the vet where we did a series of xrays at my expense to see if there was any hope to save this duck. Your duck wasn't even old enough to quack properly. When he was afraid, he still peeped. It broke my heart to hear him peep. However, there was no reasonable way to save that leg. He was not even at his full adult weight and ducks can't hop around on just one leg. So I was not going to condemn him to further suffering and a lifetime of issues by just removing his bad leg, especially when there are not enough homes for the healthy ducks that people didn't want. So we set him free from his body that could not properly support him.

I held his head while the drugs made him sleepy. I kissed his head and apologized for all the bad things that had happened to him in his very short life. I was there when he took his last breath, when the pain and suffering finally left him forever. I was there......you were not. It should have been you seeing the effects of dumping him and walking away. His loss broke my heart. Did you even notice his loss in your life?

I promised as he slowly slipped away that I would not let his death go unnoticed.

I promised to share his story and perhaps change people’s minds of buying ducklings, chicks, and bunnies as temporary living toys for children. If someone wants a duck or chicken or rabbit and plans to keep it for its ENTIRE LIFE, then go ahead and get a duckling, chick, or bunny. And better yes, if you DO want an adult version of any of those, then adopt from a rescue. And DO expect to be thoroughly questioned as to your plans for caring for your new pet. But if you don't want an adult of those species, then don't buy the baby version.....because the little known fact is that baby things grow up into adult things.

Please join with me to share this message to anyone that you know who still gives temporary living toys to their children (or themselves)......NO EASTER PETS. They are not toys. They are living creatures. And dumping unwanted domestic ducks into public ponds where there will be no one to care for them is illegal in most areas and even so, it's morally wrong. I've tried for YEARS to get this message out in a nice, polite way. As I cried my pool of tears over this duck, I've come to realize that people aren't listening. So I'm going to be sharing more of these stories and their faces in the hopes that these messages start reaching the people who are making this whole 'Easter' industry of suffering continue. If people don't buy, then stores won't sell, then breeders won't breed, and the suffering stops. Please help me get the word out.

Onto the first volume proper: volume 0, of course!!

First of all, Aso sensei’s note is so cute. I love how he says he’s been expressionless the entire time, but he really is happy. Relatable.

Aaaaaand the cover image of Saiki sure is interesting. what’s with the pipe?? I seem to remember it being a reference to another work of his somehow.

Also, volume zero announcement Saiki is very cute. His expression reminds me of a cat.

Even from the first oneshot to volume zero, you can see how much Aso sensei’s artistic abilities have improved.

That said, baby Saiki still looks very strange… I can’t overemphasize how much he improved as an artist over the course of Saiki k in drawing human characters looking natural, in pose and their clothing, expressions, etc.

I like that volume 0 Saiki’s father actually kind of looks like him. Ah… well maybe it would all be a little too real if Saiki’s family resembled him a little more. It would certainly be less whimsical. Imagine Kuniharu having black hair. Imagine Kuusuke *not* being a blonde. That would be more uncomfortable somehow. I’m glad Asou sensei made up the thing about anime hair being a result of Saiki’s powers.

More examples of why Kusuo thinks people are terribly insincere… using the most extreme of unsavory unstated thoughts.

And here we get a slightly more liberal estimate of how much time it would take for a normal person to go insane… three days instead of three hours. I think Asou sensei likes the number three, since later on he mentions that it would take Saiki three days to destroy the world if he really wanted to.

Here we have the first frontal closeup of the Saiki Scowl, after he explains the hassle of telepathy. Really, I think it’s the most taxing power on him, mentally, for obvious reasons. It really is cool that Asou sensei was able to make a “surly” character like Saiki into such an interesting protagonist. (Mostly because he’s well written.) He’s definitely not a typical manga protagonist, but he functions very nicely in his (comedic) straight man role.

Also can I just say this is one of my favorite panels of Saiki in the entire manga, and it’s not even part of the series proper… Yes, why did he, Saiki? I also want to know… I can see why this was left out of volume one. It’s not funny exactly (maybe in a kind of dark way) but god. Baby Saiki saying this tugs at my heart strings.

Head always full of thoughts of the intelligence agency organization that kidnapped him at age four… that he erased, along with the unnamed nation…

good grief.

Kuusuke would have been six at this time; maybe old enough to help with the coverup so something like that didn’t become world news. Or maybe young Saiki just decided to use mind control, since he didn’t have any compunctions about that at the time.

I dislike a Nendou with readable thoughts, or a Nendou called a “violent, foul mouthed delinquent” instead of an idiot.

That said, I really like this Saiki side eye… it’s a thoroughly Saiki expression.

LOL. Nendou would be me in the situation though. If so many people accuse you of something that you didn’t do, it’s hard not to doubt yourself a little, right?

Yeah, we get a pretty good picture of Saiki’s pretty rational moral compass. Someone like Nendou definitely deserves it, but even so, he shouldn’t be punished for a crime he didn’t commit in Saiki’s eyes. Especially when the heinous perpetrator is right there all along.

Also, Takahashi’s (saiki-caused hallucination) angel counterpart looks just like him, but female. Interesting.

That Saiki can manipulate someone like this by altering their moral compass sure is something. Makes me think of this post.

Lastly and certainly not least, Saiki isn’t escaping the gay allegations even in volume zero… lol. That’s a priceless facial expression. “This power is useless except for getting idiots to like you” smh, so unappreciative of the new friend, Saiki. XD

That will do it for vol. 0-1!

I’ll be back tomorrow for 0-2.

Uhhhh sure Aloysius interpretation post why not

So Aloysius is a hilarious character to me, the guy's just a plain jerk with no redeeming qualities whatsoever (even Fassad loved his mouse and had a family that cared about him) And then after being an awful guy for the entire game he just ends up completely bankrupt sobbing in a bar about his misfortunes while his wife is cozying up to Mr. Prettyman back at home

So whenever he gets involved in any of my musings I'm pretty much invariably expanding on this and using him as a punching bag (literally so in one of my last posts)

So, basically, Aloysius is a big, insecure loser He's always been this whiny doofus desperate for respect and wealth, but not being able to get it He and Lardna were probably, like, high school or college "sweethearts," meaning he was obsessed with her (popular rich girl that would instantly raise him to the popular circle) and she liked the way he would do literally anything she asked him to with no self-respect whatsoever

Predictably enough, their marriage wasn't particularly cozy Just ended up together largely because it's the expected course for straight couples and they had to keep their respectable image Had kids because that's the next step that comes with that.

(I made this stupid thing for Valentine's Day this year, guess posting it here works)

And so the Minch family begins, and Aloysius becomes increasingly more frustrated with the lack of respect he's earned in life His kids are ungrateful drains on his wallet that don't listen to him unless he raises his fist at them His wife never paid him any mind before of course, but they were a husband and wife now and she should be obeying him like a proper spouse, right? r-right, honey? But she seemed even less interested in him than she ever had before, and now even seemed like she resented him for tying her to this family. When all he's ever tried to do is make her happy! The nerve! And none of his neighbors respected him, despite being one of the richest and most traditional families in town. Heck, he even tried to buy the next-door neighbor's gratitude with a loan, but now whenever he brings it up that idiot father just laughs and slaps him on the back like they're pals or something!

So yeah, lots of tension around the Minch household. Aloysius feels completely spiteful about how he perceives his status, and is desperate to have someone below him on the social ladder that he can push around - this usually ends up being his children, because he's a horrible human being

So this all changes when his son runs off one day

This is at first infuriating - oh yes, yes, I'm worried sick too, of course - until he gets a phone call from Porky. At first he starts screaming at him, until Porky tells him where he is and he falls completely silent. Porky's made it big. He's in the city now with one Mr. Geldegarde Monotoli, and the two of them are now the richest men in Eagleland. How'd you like to be our new business partner, Dad?

Aloysius drops everything and packs his bags with stars and dollar signs in his eyes, hightailing it to Fourside without even telling his wife or younger son. He's finally getting the life he deserves, and his old one can rot.

So Aloysius Minch is living it up, fawning over Porky and Monotoli and profiting off their success, living it up in absolute luxury and success without having to lift a finger himself

I have this WIP fic about Porky and Monotoli that Aloysius gets to have a role in, so I have a lot of super fun stuff with him here but I shouldn't get into all of it if I don't want it to be spoiled before I ever actually release it

Long story short, one day the Monotoli Corporation's stock plummets to the depths of Hades, no warning whatsoever Aloysius is woken out of one of his daily naps and nearly has a heart attack when he find out that all the riches he invested are completely gone

Immediately he flips out and starts looking for Porky to scream at him, but his son is nowhere to be found. He's fled to who-knows-where, and apparently had the foresight to liquidize all his riches before the crash He turns to shout at Monotoli instead who's now just as powerless and pathetic as he is, but (this is one of my fanfic ideas slipping through) Monotoli grows a spine for the first time in his life and throws Aloysius out

So Aloysius runs sobbing to the bar to drink his sorrows away, too ashamed to go home where his wife and that other kid are probably furious at him, and that's him at the end of the game

I think when he eventually does go back, she's probably hardly noticed how long he's been gone at all. Much to his displeasure, she's been having a positively lovely time with Mr. Prettyman. He's so good with money, do you know? And what about you? Did you bring anything back from your little trip?

Unsurprisingly they get a divorce not long after. Lardna gets practically everything, Aloysius moves into a waitwaitwaitwaitwait i was just gonna say an apartment but wouldn't it be funny if he moved into the seaside house in the game my god that'd be hilarious ahhhhhh and it could be Ness who sells it to him too holy fudge that's so good

So yeah, Aloysius is a pathetic jerk with insecurities that he takes out on his kids, and when he ends up burning bridges to go and short-sightedly chase his fortune, it completely crashes and burns and he ends up far lower than he was to begin with

One particular thing I've noticed about Hori's writing style is that most of the time, he takes the lazy way out.

Like take Kotaro for example. Hori just made him into an abusive pos that could've been entirely different.

Like say he was actually a good father, but Nana leaving him made him depressed. This can still lead to Tomura hating heroes because his grandmother was a hero but abandoned his dad, and the abandonment made him sad.

And then there's Endeavor's "atonement", instead of building up his downfall and have everyone who knows him leave since they don't want to associate with an abuser, everyone just instantly forgives him while painting an image of if the abuser is sorry, the victim trying to expose the past should just keep his mouth shut.

This again goes with the fact that Hori's just making a beeline to the next major plot point that we're not allowed to take in this new info and let it all sink in that the forgiveness or seeing how abandonment can effect someone feels rushed, out of place, or just lazily taped on.

You... aren't wrong, actually. I've said before that MHA has a bunch of complicated, complicated themes, themes that were introduced at that start of the story, and Hori gave those themes proper focus for a little while...

And then he stopped. Makes me wonder if he just got burned on complicated ideas after that, and just turned to simple concepts to make his life easier rather than putting something deeper that he'd have to put more work into. Like, one of the big things I rag on about is corruption, right? And what do I want about corruption? More.

Unironically, I want at least a volume's worth of content, if not more, just about corruption, to give this fundamental part of the story the focus it deserves. Apply that to all the other things that feel undeveloped, and the size of MHA just... soars. Mangaka culture for Jump, from everything I know, is hellish, soul crushing, body wrecking, toxic bullshit, and I'm curious if Hori actually knew what he was getting into when he ended up with this super popular product.

The consensus is that, Post War, Hori basiclly gave up on a proper story just so he could be done and free, and the stuff your mentioning? That stuff happens around the War Arc, either just before it or even in it proper. How much of that is him just feeling the strain, backing away from what he had planned for simpler, shorter story lines?

One the other hand, he seemed to have lost his taste for more complicated messages well before the War Arc even happened, in favor of simpler, more cliche options (looks at Overhaul Arc meaningfully, and the way Izuku got a super power up seemingly designed to happen and never be mentioned again, all through the power of heroism, friendship, and the OOC power of the arc specific character, just in time to beat the villain who at the last minute transformed into a giant monster, with all the energy of a dubiously canon anime movie), so there is that.

It's hard to tell, though, and this is the kind of thing we'll never really be able to know for sure, because so much of it happens with the writers and the editors and all the pressures and influences we, the readers, don't know about.

i literally broke out the pen and paper (made a list and checked it twice) trying to find numbers for the ask game you hadn't been sent yet!

as many or as little as you feel like answering!

4, 17, 19, 30, 35, 56, 74

💚💚💚

Thank you thank you! Sorry for the delay, but I had to set these aside so that I could give them the proper time and focus they deserve!

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

It's got to be my original work space thing A Robot Named Future. Specifically there is A Scene in it that I first came up with back in...2014? It's loosely based off the robot interrogation scene in the Will Smith movie I, Robot. Except in my book it doesn't involve a robot, its actually about [redacted].

Then later the robot shows up.

It doesn't fill me with existential dread though- it fills me with excitement. Of all the original works I have spinning around in my brain, this one is 1 out of 2 that are the predominant ones I spin around and I've written a few scenes. One of my goals for this year is to actually sit down and outline both of these stories. I'm quite looking forward to it.

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

Oooooooof. Uh. Honestly I feel I bang on about this line too much, but of the published stuff it's still:

He wondered if maybe he wasn't Sisyphus but the goddamn boulder that kept pushing everyone down the hill.

Bonus runner up because it always makes me laugh is this entire exchange:

“Hold on, now, Rocky didn’t go around tying dicks together, bruv.” “That we know of,” Moe retorted. "Yeah, I haven't seen any of the new ones," said Colin. “Creed was dope,” said Declan. “Michael B. Jordan pulled a plane in that one.” Jan scoffed. “You mean his stuntman pulled it.” “I don’t like Rocky,” Richard added, though no one had asked. “Guys, we do not have time to argue,” Sam implored. He worried the spool between his hands, turning it about like a puzzle. “We have to be on the pitch soon.” “Sam’s right. We’ve got to make a decision,” Isaac said authoritatively. “What do we think? And it has to be unanimous, it can’t just be a few of us out there with strings tied to our willies.”

19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

Ooooh, there's more than a few. Different authors taught me different things.

First, I think I would be remiss if I didn't mention all the art history courses I've taken in the past. Poetry may have given me the vocabulary to describe a scene, but writing about artwork I think is where I learned how to paint an image of a scene. Where to put the highlights and shadows, what objects get brought into focus. One of my old art teachers would remind us that 'all lines are not equally important', and when I'm describing, say, a room or a setting, I try to keep that thought in mind. I don't need to describe everything, I just need to emphasize the important and leave the obvious vague (another one from an art teacher.)

I have to give a special shout out to Terry Pratchett, specifically in regards to how he brings focal depth into consideration when writing very emotionally wrought scenes. It is the instinct of most writers to push inwards when describing horrible things, to focus on the effect they have on the individual. But after being blistered by T-Prat time and time again, I saw a post that pointed out how at some of his most emotional scenes he actually pulls backwards, leaving the audience to bare witness and fill in the blanks with a purposefully distanced grief we couldn't possible understand. This definitely shaped how I approach emotional scenes; I try to be intentional and weigh where that depth of focus should land.

Not to bang on this gong forever, but I have a deep and abiding love for Kurt Vonnegut. His prose style is so interesting to me in a sort of 'you can write things however you want, actually' sort of way. He'll be halfway through showing you a deep examination on the human psyche and then he'll leap into omniscience to make a joke about how aliens would find this part of the human experience very stupid and needlessly complicated.

So it goes.

30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

Not sure if it counts as inspirational, but there are two quotes from completely different series that sort of twined together in live on in my head:

One is from Discworld, where the dwarves have a saying: All things strive.

The other is from the manga Saiyuki: Even a one-inch worm has a half-inch soul.

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

A lot of characters are very different from me. In terms of characters, I would be Higgins. So any character who you would say is not at all like Higgins is very different from me.

Though in the spirit of answering I'll say Keeley. When I was watching Ted Lasso casually, there would just be times when I would blurt out 'I love her.' She's so wildly endearing to me.

56. five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

Hopefully at a point where I am still writing and where some of the longer things I'm working on have been finished!

74. are you a planner, pantser, or planster?

All of them. Whichever the story calls for.

*Written in a slightly shaky hand on flimsiplast*

Translation:

I need to sort through my thoughts to get some perspective. That portrait of Commander Echo, bared to the waist with his back to the viewer - it keeps sneaking into my mind. It's part of the Imperial outreach program, so of course I posted it to my blog with an appropriate caption. But he's my commander, for kriff's sake. And though I know participation was voluntary, the commander as I know him is an entirely proper, modest man, so it felt almost too personal to post.

Should I allow myself to even think about it now, in private? The portrait was intended for the public eye. Several other officers are also being featured, for the good of the Empire. I've even heard that ISB agent Kallus might be included, though that may be wishful thinking on the part of the other aides I overheard in the break room. At any rate, the portrait of Commander Echo is entirely tasteful. There's nothing provocative or improper about it. So why shouldn't I look at it? Because I can't be objective about it, that's why. And I have tried. Oh, how I've tried. What I want is to linger over the image and drink in every detail the artist captured. I can't help it. The commander is a striking man, and the artist portrayed him beautifully. Lean muscle over a perfectly proportioned, lithe frame; the body of the hero he is, with an indefinable something that hints at the master tactician within. The pose they chose allows him to retain a measure of privacy, even while cybernetics and scars normally hidden by his uniform are exposed, including narrow plates that cover his spine like a strip of armor. Unlike the showy augmentations you see on some mod aficionados these days, they're martial-looking. Utilitarian. They suit the soldier they serve and, like his prosthetic arm, they don't detract from his appeal. I almost wish they did. It would make it easier to keep my thoughts from straying into - no. Stop it right there. If I didn't have feelings for him, I'm sure the portrait would be no big deal. Another attractive man without his shirt on. Admire for a moment and move on. But I do. And just thinking about that image, while working, my face flushed until it felt like I was glowing. Commander Echo was across the lab from me with his eyes closed in concentration. But, scomped into the network as he was, he could still have seen me blushing if he had turned any of his virtual eyes my way. Oh, stang. Stang, kriff, and karking nerf balls. He may still see if he checks the logs. Was it as obvious as it felt? I don't know how closely he watches the lab while we're present, or if that's something he'd notice. The commander mustn't find out how I feel. As crucial as his work is to the Empire, the last thing he needs is a fawning admirer where his aide should be. And I just couldn't bear it if he thought I saw him with any less than the respect he deserves. That decides it. It's time to pack that mental image away so my traitorous blushing cheeks can't betray me. It's the respectful thing to do.

*Document disposed of securely shortly after writing*

The portrait in question can be seen here:

I Love Taylor Swift....

But I feel like we can be fans of her without believing she is the epitome of perfection and pushing that mentality on other people. She is talented. She is hardworking. She is influential. But the stans have to learn to lay off. The behavior this summer is straight-up annoying, and honestly, we need to learn to acknowledge the mistakes she's made too.

Going to the Eras Tour Movie is not about us having or reliving the concert experience. We can't go in inconveniencing movie theatre employees and other theatres around us with noise complaints. It's great she made a movie. Let's dress up and given out friendship bracelets. But let's not cause a scene because we want to poorly scream shout songs. This reminds me of when newer or other artists release music around when she has a release, and they end up getting buried on social media or streaming. Like other people can prosper on the charts too. Like we don't have to keep proving to her how much we love her. She should know by now.

Taylor's dancers, back-up singers, and fans going to see Beyonce did not betray Taylor and deserve to be fired or aren't real fans. Stop trying to cancel everyone who varies outside of Taylor's circle. We can support more than one artist.

As a fandom we are more than aware that Taylor's had to repeatedly show her songwriting abilities so she isn't discredited. Why can't we show Olivia Rodrigo the same courtesy and understanding? Her whole career shouldn't be taken down because her team admitted that two songs were 'inspired' by Taylor (whether Deja Vu actually sounds like Cruel Summer is open to your ears interpretation). The appropriate credit was given as well as 50% royalties (which is just insane). That doesn't mean root through every album Olivia makes and try to tie to other songs. It's disappointing that Jack had to get out and explain what was going on, and Taylor hasn't said a peep yet.

Taylor has a weak history working with women in music. She's worked very little with female producers as consistently as Aaron and Jack, and female artists have been used as back-up vocals more compared to male artists who are featured on the actual track. And she has publicly supported younger rising artists very prominently during a promo tour of sorts and then goes completely silent - Olivia Rodrigo, IceSpice during the whole ratty situation, Hayley Kiyoko for reputation/allyship promo tour, etc. She is a force of nature in the music industry, but I do think she could publicly clean up her image supporting female artists and not when it's to her own benefit.

Miss Americana did not age well at all. Instead of letting reputation exist without an explanation, she was a part of an entire documentary of how she was cancelled (and wrongfully so), but then turned it into her becoming an activist that went nowhere. Sitting on your couch with your publicist in a huge mansion toasting the resistance with champagne over a social media post, and then never following up on it, is completely peak white feminism. Some celebs are not cut out for adding activism into the career. Okay. But she should've done the work before stepping into the arena using the LGBTQ+ community in a music video to prove that she's always been an ally because Todrick didn't know how she'd react to having a gay kid is not it.

GrammyGate. Joe was listed as William Bowery for two songs on Folklore. After it won Album of the Year, he was changed to a producer to six songs and that qualified him to win a Grammy. She did reveal that he was William in the long pond sessions but the proper paperwork wasn't submitted/finalized until eight months after the album came out - where he could've been properly credited as a collaborator. And now with the Eras Tour and Joe/Taylor has broken up, she switches back and forth to say she wrote Betty on her own, and everything came out of her imagination. Why all of the shenanigans for a bright shiny award??

I know all of this makes it sound like I hate Taylor, but I don't. I'm practically known as the resident Swiftie everywhere I hang out/work because I'm always bringing her up in one way or another. But she's not perfect, and I'm super freaking tired of being in a fandom that refuses to not acknowledge anything slightly questionable that's she done. We're canceling her or dragging her down - it just means we're able to see she's not infallible and love her despite of her mistakes.

What even is this so-called "hero and villain" side of fandom? Why are we so divided? Why do people assume "so and so" must be friends and obviously know of each other as "a group" thus representing, the entire "other side." Why do we believe certain "groups of blogs" must definitely hold a certain opinion because of a few posts from other blogs that are part of that "other labelled side" not realizing they're completely unaware of each other and do not agree? Is that what creates this "middle ground" of not really fitting in with either of them?

I've been shifting between all three, and I've noticed some hero stans think villain stans think a certain way, but those villain stans are the same ones you and some others disagree with, but yet those opinions seem to largely define "the other side." I've also often seen villain stans act petty and engage with hero stans in the way your anon does here, and some anons constantly share that "perceived majority view point" with hero stans, and I think this is what's causing this huge disconnect. These individual people going from blog and blog sharing stories and that colors our perceptions of each other, and we put everyone into a collective bubble despite these three sides of fandom having smaller groups with their own perspectives on the series that don't match that perceived image. A lot of these three sides even have things they agree with each other on, and things they enjoy about the series, the common ground is there, but we're too divided and chose to stay in our own areas, and I do think that is for the best because one way or another, the differences in opinion will collide somewhere.

I just wish some individuals would stop trying to stir up trouble, it leads to things like someone calling all Hawks stans annoying with a petty meme over proper communication, all because of a basic post where an anon was saying Twice wasn't a good person for his willingness to kill, and the OP clarifies that that wasn't the reason they thought Hawks called him a good person, but because Hawks thought Twice had the potential to be a good person because of the positive traits he'd seen in Twice and wanted him to channel it into something else. Which is a fine opinion to have whether you agree with it or not or think it's all wrong because Hawks is the devil obviously, but my point is: It's a basic post like every other basic post on this website where nobody is attacking anyone or being sassy or rude, which makes the response received completely uncalled for imo, and with the lack of fact-checking? Leads to a "common idea" of a certain group of people "acting a certain way" without knowing what prompted that idea and if it's even deserving. For the record, I used to be guilty of this as I thought all villain stans read the League as positive revolutionaries, not realizing how harmful they were to themselves, but it's been a good year or so since then ever since I decided to actually see what some of you were saying instead of going off word-of-mouth. But that's also why I know how much making exaggerations and spreading assumptions can be an issue.

So, I love my fandom history. I'd say the divisions were less a thing prior to 2018/9 for a couple reasons - the League were less interesting. We had less of them, and the villains were just not given the same depth...yet (i argue 115 is one of the best chapters in this manga). You had stans, of course, and essentially people into the adults over the kids really gravitated towards the villains.

I'd say a few things changed that.

The League went after Overhaul and cemented themselves as a 'group' more so than a bunch of random wackos.

And Dabi is Touya theory got really a lot of confirmation from the Pro Hero arc.

Essentially, once the Hawks Infiltration plot entered this manga, the manga shifted in focus. The villains got more time, more depth, often more than the kids for certain villains. Then MVA happened.

So it went from interest to genuine interpretation of the manga after this. Horikoshi basically threw away his earlier statement of not wanting to humanize the villains too much and started doing that. Villain stans went from people who just found the villains more interesting to being in a space where we were debating how right the villains were as the world started kind of proving they might have a bit of a point. This did divide the fandom. One of the uhh core divides is really about narratives and how we read the story.

I'll give myself as an example - I'm a Hawks-focused blog, right? From the very start I made this blog to talk about him, since I was fine on my main account randomly rbing bnha once in a while, and I was really into Deku before I caught up circa June 2018. It was wanting to write meta on Hawks that changed that. Now, a lot of the names of people who wrote meta alongside me back then are no longer active as far as I can tell, but I'm still here. And yet you know why I've not gone into the Hawks tag in a year and a half? Every time I try to do a mass rb of fan art there's always a couple I can't because I'm blocked. People I've never interacted with or seen in my life. It doesn't really bother me, just gives me pause because I'm rarely the type to block. Unfollow, yes, but not block. The only people I've really blocked were certain unhinged people I absolutely do not wish to engage with or former friends who hurt me deeply and even seeing their blog names causes me discomfort. So I always wonder what was it that made these people block. It comes down to interpretation and talking about.

I've made peace with the fact those random Hawks-likers dislike my take on the character. It's fine, I don't have to prove much to them these days. I've been right, I've also been wrong. But I've written stuff for this small fandom space for years, and I know enough that if I am wrong, I'll accept it when it comes out. But those fans are bothered seeing my posts, and I think that's where the divide is - when we challenge each other's view of the manga. And visibility is unfortunately as good as. I don't tag my meta as #antihawks or #hox because I'm not "anti" the character, just able to articulate and criticize and CELEBRATE how flawed this character is (that and I get really upset when i see people tag my stuff with #hox as it reminds me of the people I once thought were my friends).

Simply, it's about the interpretation of the manga. You have people in parts of this fandom who absolutely do not believe the villains can be saved or that the hero children should save them. There's little communication I can have with people when we so fundamentally disagree on this. Same with my views on Hawks being wrong. Those people who block me fundamentally disagree with me on Hawks having done the wrong thing. Conversations are difficult.

I just wish some individuals would stop trying to stir up trouble, it leads to things like someone calling all Hawks stans annoying with a petty meme over proper communication, all because of a basic post where an anon was saying Twice wasn't a good person for his willingness to kill, and the OP clarifies that that wasn't the reason they thought Hawks called him a good person, but because Hawks thought Twice had the potential to be a good person because of the positive traits he'd seen in Twice and wanted him to channel it into something else. Which is a fine opinion to have whether you agree with it or not or think it's all wrong because Hawks is the devil obviously, but my point is: It's a basic post like every other basic post on this website where nobody is attacking anyone or being sassy or rude, which makes the response received completely uncalled for imo, and with the lack of fact-checking? Leads to a "common idea" of a certain group of people "acting a certain way" without knowing what prompted that idea and if it's even deserving.

I get your point here. Like I don't assume all "hero" stans are like the unhinged anon who sends me asks about the kids doing emotional labor or something. Some part of me is just "we have different interests" about people who mainly focus on the kids.

But there is a boogie man kind of anon thing, you're right. A lot of people don't see the bad takes they're told of them through their inboxes. It makes things go haywire. I will say my recent stuff is in response to seeing discussions and feeling absolutely dismayed at at a few villain-focused blogs that I know interact with me. The message was for them.

But you're right in that there isn't a "common consensus" because fandom is not a hive mind and shouldn't be. I've been in a space where we tried to make a hive mind in 2020 and let me tell you, it's awful. I refuse to like censor or remove my opinions to be part of a group these days because I did that in 2020 and it hurt so badly because nothing was good enough in that space - we all watched each other like raptors looking for the slightest misstep or transgression, to the point where the person I'd consider the ringleader of it all would look at who like what post when she didn't like the post or not engage with a post. It was insanity. I wish I can attribute it to pandemic lunacy, but like.... I can't. It was just a lot of absolutism and power highs. No nuance. People got cut off quickly like contestants in a contest reality tv show.

But views change. I did read the League as that, or more was inclined to. I hoped Tomura would change his mind and break free from AFO, because even I saw his beliefs and wants as self-harming back in 2019. There was a lot of this tied into his name being Tenko, a term for the coerced ideological renouncement of communism prior to WWII of many prominent Japanese leftists who then supported the emperor. I was sure there was a "turn" somewhere in his future and I hope he'd fight AFO and lead the League to something greater. When the possession plot happened, that ruined most of that for me but it took me a year or so to really process where the manga was headed.

If anything what I'm most dismayed about is people not like... letting their earlier views go as the manga goes on. Dabi is very different than we thought initially, and very few people accurately predicted the sheer level of jealousy, or how much he adored his father (compared to his other siblings). Endeavor is far more complicated than we thought initially, and while I still call him an abuser and rapist I also ponder a lot about Endeavor with broader questions about abolitionism and restorative justice and whether rapists and abusers can be reformed because these are the sort of difficult questions all this makes me ask myself. But a lot of people refuse to even question previously held opinions. idk, sorry for rambling. Your ask made me reflect on how much the fandom has changed in the years I've been here, over and over again.

At the time of writing this, my last Tigerstar ask has not been posted. I usually wait for it to post before airing my next episode of The Tigerstar Saga (please start tagging as that or as 🐅⭐) but this is, I got to talk about Pinestar, I have to do it now, I just got hit in the face by a memory and overwhelming emotions.

Dad, dad I don't understand. I don't get it. Why the hell did you leave me, you walked out on me and mom and the whole clan, because you were SCARED. Why the hell would you do that. I'm mad, I'm distressed. I hate you. You just left me. You didn't even say a proper goodbye. Pinestar, you are a scumbag, a fucking deadbeat, I hope you are suffering, regretting your entire life. You deserve hell, you deserve nothing good to ever come to you. I hope you had an allergic reaction to a twoleg cat vaccine and died. I hope you were suffering your entire life. You left me, a little child. A baby. A fucking KIT. You left me, your SON, just to live the luxurious life of a 'kittypet'. Just to get fat and round, to be taken care of and never do anything again. Instead of being my father, you just LEFT. It's your falut I turned out the way I did! As bad as Thistleclaw was and as much as he encouraged me, you were always way worse and you will always BE worse. I sought out to destroy and patronize any kittypet I found, and if I ever came across you, you'd be lucky to have escaped with your life. All the pain you made me go through, day after day waiting for you to come home, not understanding that you just abandoned me, your tiny son who lost his sisters, to be living a lavish life in a permanent shelter. Leopardfoot eventually told me that you weren't coming back, I kept hoping that you would, but after seeing Sunstar lose lives, when she gave me my apprentice name, everything that mom said finally seeped in. You left me, you left us, you left the whole clan! I was insecure about my own image, afraid of cats thinking I'd end up like you, the worst cat in the fucking forest. I hate you Pinestar. I worked tirelessly trying to prove I wasn't like you, that I wasn't going to leave and become a fat spoiled kittypet with a dumb collar around my neck. I listened to everything Thistleclaw said. I craved his approval, and seeing that following my own wild ambitions are what pleaded him, I kept doing it, soon it became a bad habit and darkness began to consume me. The voice in my head getting louder and louder. She said she was trying to guide me. I listened to every word she said, hanging on every last sound she made, I thought that StarClan was showing their approval for me so I worked even harder to prove that I was strong and fierce and would never turn out like you, Pinestar. I would NEVER be like you. I despised every kittypet and every twoleg for making my father disappear. You horrible, filthy being. If you are in StarClan, then justice does not truly exist. I wanted to be leader so bad just to prove that I'd be so much better then you. Then my plan to kill Bluestar failed and I was exiled, leaving my children behind. But unlike you, dad, I actually wanted to see my children, I actually cared if they got hurt during one of my malicious plans for revenge, or the fire that ravaged ThunderClan. I made sure I still got to see them, they were my children. Even when I was dead, I made an effort to visit my kids, but my reasons got more and more twisted the longer I was in that horrible forest. I could never talk to Mothwing and I will always hate that, never being able to meet my second daughter.

Unlike you, Pinestar, my father, I actually WANTED to be a good dad. But I guess we can just say, I didn't have a very good influence, now did it?

Fuck you Pinestar, rot and suffer.

'

Rambling from a weirdo

Tw (mentions of self destructive habits, self harm, suicide attempt, dehumanisation maybe?)

I think I was a very weird child growing up. Like a proper introvert, loner, an android trying to learn normal human behaviour. I had these animal instincts (still do) that would tell me to hiss or growl at annoying people, when I was happy I would purr and when pissed of I wanted to claw their eyes out or at least scratch them.

I had panic and very strong anxiety when it came to something that would scare me (99% it had to do with school) it also didn't help the constant migraines and my skeleton like body.

I also had a weird and blasé relationship with death as a concept. I knew its natural and that everything comes to an end eventually, but I never was grossed out with bodily harm, sometimes I imagined what it would be like to be killed or to kill, commit suicide,watch someone die or chop my arm off.

So I quickly became desensitised to suicidal ideation and morbid thoughts. When somebody angered me I would retreat to my room, put on music and act my frustration and anger by imaging them dying or being in an accident etc.

I wasn't a stranger to being bullied or rather ostracized for my lack of social skills and that was fine with me... at least most of the time. After a while of watching gore anime and having an active imagination it bloomed into me thinking I am a monster.

Well, I think (thought?) that I'm not a human being Or (at minimum) the very normalised functional child that I was supposed to be and I never was. I saw how others interacted with eachother and saw the discrepancies in my own behaviour. Then telling myself that it was okay Bc i wasn't a human sooo I didn't need to be like them. And that I deserved it for not being normal and having weird fantasies about killing people etc.

(Does that count as being dehumanising towards myself?)

Anyway the loneliness grew and grew, and I spent the entire time living inside my daydream talking to myself through characters I got obsessed with.

Then I decided that I'm never going to reach adulthood, never grow up which meant that I was completely fine and detached to the topic of self harm and killing myself. I actually thought that I would kill myself before I reached 18. Well I tried it after I turned 18 by overdosing on painkillers and clearly It didn't work. Bef you ask it was because of highschool test from law that I didn't study for Bc procrastinating is my passion.

Anyway I don't even know why I wrote this down and posted it for people to see I hope I didn't upset or trigger anyone accidentally, that would be another tally to my growing list yikes

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Perfect distraction (Legolas x Elf Reader)

Summary: The reader, daughter of Elrond, is working on the library and, suddenly, Legolas starts distracting you…

Word count: 1,415

Warnings: Fluff and steamy kisses

Pairing: Romantic relationship

A.N: Hi my elves!! Sorry for not posting anything but i was with a lot of exams and assigments. Now that i’ve finish uni I’ll have more time to write. I’m so exited because I’ve been recieving requests and I enjoy writing them a lot. If you have requested something I’ll eventually get to it and post it. Sorry if there are some errors but english is not my firts language. This is my first post, based on a short image that i had about Lelogas. Please give it some love and comment if you want, I’ll appreciate it so much🥰. Thank you everyone!! Êl síla erin lû e-govaned vîn (A star shines on the hour of our meeting)🌌🧝🏻‍♀️

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It was a quiet morning, you could hear the birds tweet between the trees, laying in their nests. The sight from the library was so breathtaking, the valley of Imladris was above your feet, with all its beauty and magnificence, it felt like you were living among the clouds with a light so pure and intense that made everything ethereal. You wanted to go for a walk, maybe visit the lake and take a bath, but you needed to finish what you were doing, as soon as possible.

Suddenly, a pair of known hands startled you, caressing your hair and braiding it to be able to expose your sensitive neck to his touch. Only his. The tender touch of your skin was replaced by the splendid feeling that the brush of his lips against your collar bone provided you. Your eyes wanted to shut and you fell back to give better access to the tongue that was teasing you, wanting you to lose your mind because of his wet but soft kisses. He was asking you for permission to continue…

- Legolas, please, I’m trying to work. You’re distracting me. - You said while you attempted to escape from his grip.

- Do you know that when you’re concentrated you slightly bite your lips? I find it very hard to resist… - His hands massaged your back searching for your waist.

- Let me guess, you’re not letting me finish this, aren’t you?

- You’re very perceptive, meleth nîn (my love). You know me so well.

You tried to answer back, however, the blonde elf grabbed your waist, lifted you up for you to stand up and pushed aside the chair where you were seated in, giving him perfect access to your body. The table was pressed against your back so you didn't have nowhere to run. Your eyes met, feeling as if you had been separated from each other for a very long lifetime. He was eager for your touch, his eyes speaked for him. Without breaking your eye contact your hands wandered resting in his chest, covered by a silky shirt that showed part of his pale but radiant skin. You were so entranced by his beauty that you didn't feel his strong arms pulling you closer until your foreheads established contact.

- As much as I love the direction this is taking I need to finish reading that book. I promised my father I’ll help him and you know how he gets when I don’t “fulfill my duties” - You said noiselessly.

- But you’ve been working all morning and yesterday too. I just want a little attention from you, brennil nîn (my lady). - He said resting his hands on your waist.

You could feel his thumb rubbing on your hip, lightly pressing the skin underneath your dress in circular motions, which made you completely shiver. Your body, entirely, was reacting to the feeling of being pressed against Legolas’ figure, perceiving his soft breathing that synced with yours.

- I really think that last night I paid the proper attention you deserve, Melethron nîn (my beloved).

After saying that you knew your cheeks would be bright red, remembering last night made you flush. Legolas, noticing your expression, smirked showing his perfect white smile, making you remember the softness of his lips exploring every part of your skin. The elf, still smiling, pulled your body against him, hugging you so tight that he was able to rest his face in the crook of your neck, which made every cell in your body bristle. Legolas made you feel safe, his embrace felt like home, you were like glass between his hands, not fragile but dazzling and divine. You could sense him smiling while he stroked one side of your neck, your skin knew him so well. “Of course you did”, Legolas managed to say among needy touches and kisses on your neck and chin.

Whereas Legolas’ lips lowered your guard, your hands reached to his hair. It was styled with two little braids at each side of his head, behind his ears. Slowly, your fingers started to untie them, brushing Legolas’ hair and, momentary, fondling his ears with extreme tenderness. The moment when the tips of your fingers touched his silky lobes, Legolas lifted his head, watching you directly in your eyes, making you feel like your pupils were melting into each other. Calmy, not breaking your eye contact, he separated himself a few centimetres from you so he would be able to enclose your waist, firmer than before, suddenly sitting you on top of the table. You tried to push aside all of the papers and books that were on the table but Legolas was quicker.

- Y/n, do you really know what you do to me? - He told you taking your hand and placing it where his heart beated rapidly.

- I… I just want you to feel like I feel everytime you look at me with those absorbing blue eyes. - You smiled.

- Gellon ned i galar i chent lîn ned i gladhol (I love to see your eyes shine when you laugh).

As those words were mentioned by Legolas, all your body sensed a feeling of warmth and nervousness. You were like a little elf discovering love for the first time, you were reviving the intoxicating feeling of your heart stopping because of him. That prince made you lose your mind and you made him lose his. You were the perfect combination. You were in love with Legolas, you've always been.

You took a moment to admire your lover’s beauty. His golden hair, now wavy because of the previous braids, fell down, like magical waterfalls, and rested in his muscly shoulders. You couldn’t resist caressing him, sliding your fingers through the slight waves that had been formed. You reached his cheek and your thumb started to draw perfect circles, feeling his skin warm and flushed. Legolas kissed your hand gently making you feel the softness of his lips and the desire in his grip.

- I love you with your messy hair, that way I can see you, the real you. - You said with your eyes shining because of the emotions he made you feel.

- I simply love you, my starlight.

Your fingers wandered, wanting to touch each other, and you, at last, gave in to desire. Legolas’ orbs traveled between your eyes and lips, he was asking for permission to make the next move… That was not your first kiss but it would always feel like it has been. You dampened your lips, giving him the sign he needed to proceed. Your bodies were pressed against each other, your hands were held and the touch between your noses teased the other one. Both of your lips were ready. Legolas, tenderly, closed the distance between your mouths. Both of you were hungry, eager for the delightful brush of your lips. You were in ecstasy. His hands searched for the end of your skirt and sneaked inside your clothes, touching the soft skin of your thighs that reacted immediately to his touch. Your heart couldn’t beat faster.

Your tongues met and the kiss deepened, making the ambience of the room turbid, hotter. You could feel how Legolas lightly bit your lower lip between kisses, your head was on fire, you couldn't think about anything but the marvelous sensation of his lips against yours. Electricity runned down your spine, needing his touch. While your lips were desiring the other and increasing the rhythm of your tongues playing, savouring each other and being delighted with your taste, your hands began to unlace the elf’s blouse to be able to touch his torso. When your cold hands established contact with Legolas’ skin a growl escaped from his throat forcing you to not stop, you didn't plan to.

Without warning, the sound of far steps scared both of you, making you break your union. You realized you were at the library, you were on top of a table with your dress made a mess, Legolas with his shirt wrinkled and his hair messy. There were papers everywhere. You stayed in silence, looking deeply into your eyes, your hands held and shivering from your mutual arousal, until you could breathe again. Legolas’ lips were swollen and you supposed yours were too.

- Legolas, gi melin (i love you). - You whispered.

- I love you more than life, my starlight. - He said before grabbing your hand and guiding you to your bedroom.

Gi melin, y/n. He also whispered before kissing you again.

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Infernal Heat

Hey! It’s been a while - I really miss you guys.  Anyway, I know that a lot of you were keeping up to date with my Mammon x GN! Reader fic...while I’m updating it regularly on my AO3, I thought that I’d post the chapters that I’ve got here as well. I’m planning for it to be a 4 chapter fic, but let’s see how that goes! Warnings in tags (both here and AO3) - monster fucking comes into play much more come Chapter 3 and 4. The biggest thanks to @mawwart for their inspiration and @popcherrypop for reading over what I had all those months ago and actually helping me find direction. I’ve got a bigger/cheesier spiel on AO3, but anyway. Fingers crossed that the ‘Keep Reading’ line shows up here...

Chapter 1: Embers

The Great Mammon had woken up in a mood. He'd felt this creeping up for days now and he wished that it would just come and go already. It was hella distracting to have a constant tug of warmth and want in your gut, y'know? And it was annoying to feel the incessant need to primp and to add to the nest of pillows, blankets, sentimental and decorative items that now overtook most of his bed. But he was due a heat cycle. Annoyingly, he felt that it was probably going to settle in properly on that particular day and he'd been wrangled into going shopping by you. And for whatever reason he'd agreed. Not because he had a crush on you or anything. Damn, he couldn't even remember what you two were meant to be shopping for, that's how addled his mind was. Mammon really just wanted to stay put and perfect his nest. Maybe show it off to you. Although he wasn't sure if you'd appreciate the fact that he'd stolen a few items of yours while on laundry duty to tuck into said nest. Or that he wanted to maybe do something kind of nasty to a piece of your clothing. If not you. 

But would you want to? To see his nest? To lay in it, lay with him, to mate with him? He wanted you to. So very, very badly. He didn’t feel like he deserved you but, oh, to say that he wanted you was a vast understatement. Fuck. 

He groaned and threw one of his tanned arms over his eyes. The silveret realised that he was going to have to partially dislodge his beautiful nest to pull out Goldie (he couldn't go shopping without her - the very thought was offensive!) and that he was going to have to get rid of his raging boner before he faced you. 

So into a cold shower he trudged, loudly cursing the whole time.

---

Longest shopping trip in fucking history. 

It seemed like you were in need of freakin' everything imaginable. He wasn't to know that you were actually just taking your time because it'd been a while since the two of you had some time to yourselves. The demon had been acting strangely around you the past few days, although he was completely oblivious to just how weird it’d been for you.

And today, the Avatar of Greed just wasn't engaging. Questions went unanswered, as if he hadn't heard even when clearly looking at you, no boasting or sulking occurred, no bets or harebrained schemes hatched...he didn't even take you up on your offer of Hell Sauce Noodles! The demon was completely disinterested in all of this - the only thing he was interested in was you. He was also trying very very hard not to let his thoughts slip into anything inappropriate. Which was probably the single most difficult thing he’d had to do in all of his many years. Mammon wanted to take your hand and lace your fingers together; to shamelessly nuzzle your cheek in front of everyone on Silent Avenue. The thought made his heart swell. Better yet, if you were mated, he could kiss you in front of the whole crowd before publicly mounting you and-

Damn, it was hard to keep lewd thoughts at bay. He could feel his cheeks burning and looked away when your concerned expression turned to him. 

On the trek home (finally!), he fell into a lazy pace behind you and Mammon couldn’t help it as you walked together. His cerulean gaze raked over the beautiful curve in your neck - the space was perfect. In his mind, he could see how perfectly his head would fit and how the mark he could leave there would only accentuate the beauty of your skin. It’d be a gorgeous brand that would loudly proclaim to all, ‘I am mated to THE Great Mammon, the Avatar of Greed and Second of the Seven; don’t you dare even think to touch me’. The very notion only caused the flush of heat over his skin to worsen and his breath to hitch; he wanted to tear into his flesh to relieve himself of the insufferable and fiery itch.

The same thoughts washed over his brain again and again like some cruel tide, even once you'd passed through the doors of the House of Lamentation.

It took only a scant moment. He didn’t even think. The silver haired demon was aware that he was losing his mind due to his damned biology, but he didn’t realise that he was so far gone that he would do something so stupid. It was only your screech that alerted him to the fact that he had pulled you tight to his chest, that he was actually in the process of sinking sharp fangs into your supple skin. The sudden realisation made him tear off of you in surprise. 

Beel had been the first to burst through a doorway and into the corridor. The redhead stopped dead in his tracks and stared wide-eyed at the two of you; you with your hand clamped over the section of your neck that had been bitten, and Mammon an arm’s length away from with a look of abject horror painted over his handsome features. Stupid Mammon, indeed. The next to burst in was Lucifer, who looked ready for a proper melee. The sound that had come from you had genuinely startled the older brother, not that he’d admit that if asked. As his garnet gaze took in the scene before him, his mouth twisted unpleasantly. “Mammon…” Lucifer’s voice was dangerously low. Mammon shook his head urgently in response, “Nonono, Luci, it didn’t - I mean, yeah, it is what it looks like an’ I didn’t mean ta, but it...it’s not deep enough. Y’know?” The second brother sounded desperate. Mammon anxiously twisted his rings around his tanned fingers and had to fight back the tears that threatened the edges of his vision. He could have hurt you. “Oh, I think you’ll find that it’s more than deep enough.” Lucifer stalked toward you and put his hand on top of the one you were using to cover your wound. “Let me see how much damage the fool inflicted on you”. Mammon could see the frown that pulled at your mouth as you revealed the bite mark to his brother. No proper damage - the indents might linger, but no blood had been drawn; no skin had been broken. 

“It was more from the surprise than pain, Lucifer. I just wasn’t expecting someone to bite me, you know? That’s the kind of thing that I’d expect more from a very hungry Beel.” Your attempt to lighten the mood only made the Avatar of Pride’s expression sour further - but Beel muttered a small, “Fair”. Lucifer sounded positively glacial when he spoke again. “Beelzebub, please take our brother to his room." The Avatar of Gluttony nodded solemnly, gently taking the second eldest’s shoulder. Mammon stared miserably at the floor, guilt clearly written on his flushed face although he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He didn’t trust himself to. Not after such a stupid stunt. As the other two made their way up the stairs, Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose. 

This wouldn’t be pleasant.

--

It was no surprise to Mammon that Lucifer texted him shortly after the whole ordeal. He was just thankful that Lucifer hadn’t decided to come up to his room and literally tear into him after biting you. Of all the people to bite in the entire Devildom, it just had to be you didn’t it? Lucifer: Mammon. I have strictly instructed the household that you are not to be disturbed until I have given the all clear. You will stay in your room and I will bring you provisions at regular intervals. If you need anything, you will let me know. Are we clear? Mammon: Yes. Lucifer: Good. He waited, hopeful that Lucifer would provide an update on you. After an eon of waiting (which was actually all of seven minutes) he decided to ask. Mammon: Are they okay?

Lucifer: They are. And they will continue to be so long as you stay in your room and do not venture out. Ensure that you lock your door and remember to take your pheromone blockers as well or the whole house will reek of your mating scent. What were brothers for, if not a good motivational speech? --- Chapter 2: Flames Even with Lucifer’s reminder, Mammon had forgotten to take the pheromone blockers and to lock the door. He’d been far too distracted; worrying about your state of health, whether he’d damaged your relationship beyond repair, still trying to keep the lewd thoughts at bay, his instincts fretting over the piece of nest that had been dismantled earlier… It was a lot to be preoccupied with, okay? Without the pheromone blockers, the corridor outside of Mammon’s room was thick with the sweet perfume of a demonic male in heat. It was rich and cloying, the kind of scent that would cling to one’s clothes much to the annoyance of the other residents (Asmodeus excluded).  Mammon, however, didn’t care. He was too busy now attempting to cool the heat in the pit of his stomach and to regain some clarity of mind. An attempt at sleep had been made once his nest had been repaired and Goldie tucked into her rightful place, the lights turned down low and his clothes discarded to some far corner so that he could crawl into the nest in a comfortable state...but how could he sleep when obscene images of you kept popping into his head?  At first, he had tried to keep some semblance of his mind. The demon didn’t like to lose control during his heats. If he could keep his mind, he would keep to his more humanoid forms - and that was what he wanted. Because if you did, by chance, happen upon him...well. He didn’t want to scare you. Before he allowed himself to spiral into the anxiety of your imagined reaction, he reached for his ridiculously large bottle of lube. If he was going to dwell on the thought of anything, it was going to be how good he knew you’d feel… --- Mammon wouldn’t have been able to say how much time had passed. He had brought himself to orgasm more times than he could count - but it only seemed to just take off the edge. A demon’s heat was never an easy thing, but why was this time around so damn difficult?  Satan would have been able to answer that with ease, the smug bastard; if a demon chooses a mate they will, naturally, be most inclined to couple with said mate for optimal breeding. To not couple with a chosen mate could make a heat worse - but to withhold coupling at all? Well, it would be a foolish endeavour.  The Avatar of Greed hadn’t realised just how he was slipping ; wings and horns had appeared without him even registering and his fangs had dropped to a predatory length (which he only noticed when he had apparently attempted to put a mating mark on a pillow covered in one of your stolen shirts that he’d been desperately rutting against, much to his embarrassment).  His breathing was rough. Mammon was equal parts exhausted and invigorated. He wanted nothing more than to let his knees fall out from under him so that sleep would hopefully take him - he wanted to stalk down the hall and into your room and fuck you senseless. And if Lucifer found out? Well, Mammon would love to see him try to pry you from his arms.  The very thought made him snarl, his grip on his cock tightening. It was enraging to even think that his brother would dare, a thought that had him so preoccupied that he didn’t hear the door click open.  His blue eyes slipped over to you and the wet sound of him furiously fucking his fist stopped abruptly. It was impossible to tell which one of you was redder. This was not what he had been expecting. “Uh-” A rasp of your name interrupted you. “Didn’t Lucifer tell you not to come?” He watched as you nodded dumbly, “Yes”. Heavy breath was the only noise to pass between you several beats. The demon in front of you was wondering whether this was fate; you weren’t running, you looked interested and, fuck, you smelled so good. You smelled aroused and it made him growl; “C’mere then”. The way that you slammed the door and scampered toward him practically had him preening in pleasure. Just as eager, Mammon scrambled over to meet you, flustered yet excited, and hauled you up close to him. He bumped your foreheads together. From here it was easy to see how incredibly blown his pupils were, to feel how desperately ragged his breathing was. You were dangerously close. “Now, see here, I'm gonna give ya one chance to go. ‘Cause if I kiss ya, I’m not gonna be able to stop. I won’t be able to let ya go. You’ll be stuck with me for the whole fuckin’ ride, ya hear?” Holy shit, his voice was so strained. “Then kiss me, you dummy.” No repeat was necessary. Mammon threaded his fingers into your hair, hesitating for only the briefest moment before pressing his lips to yours. When you responded in kind his fervour, his deep rooted greed, quickly followed. He’d wanted to kiss you from day one and not a moment had gone by since  without him imagining it. This felt so incredibly right. But he couldn’t ignore the heat curling in his gut. He needed you, wanted you. And as far as he could tell, despite the dark whispers in the back of his mind saying otherwise, you seemed to feel the same.The way that you returned his greedy kisses, how your fingers had twisted sharply in his hair, how you didn’t seem to mind the messy clicking of his elongated fangs against your blunt teeth as he tried to figure out how best to navigate your mouth in this form - how could he deny that he was wanted?  Mammon's only regret when looking back on this evening with you would be not savouring your body laid bare for him for the first time. His mind was too heat-addled to appreciate it; he was unable to slowly peel off your layers and to have the sentiment returned in kind as he had previously fantasised about. In his mind’s eye, he had a whole big romantic gesture planned if you had decided to sleep with him. Previously, he had imagined how he would make love to you and treasure every moment of it...but alas… Your clothes were quickly stripped from you, sharp fangs nipping at new skin as it was exposed. There was no delicate treatment here and he paid no heed to the sound of torn material. When he next plundered your mouth, it was far smoother than the first time - he was a fast learner, after all.  The only complaint that he had about kissing you was that it muffled those beautiful noises of yours. When he broke the seal of your mouths it was to gently toss you back toward the top of the bed, deeper into his nest and into the comfort of a ridiculous amount of pillows - to properly secure you into his nest. To see you like that felt...good. It felt right. It was clear that was exactly where you belonged. The very image had him growling in satisfaction as he took the opportunity to crawl over your body, his fingers gripping at the meat of your thighs and hips as if ensuring that you were truly there with him. Thankfully, his nails had not yet turned into talons or they would have pierced through you with ease at the way that he handled your flesh.  Mammon had to take a deep breath when he looked at you this time. He needed to make sure that he didn’t hurt you while doing this - it was the last thing in the world that he wanted. It was unusual for the Avatar of Greed to put the needs of others before his own...but you weren’t just some ‘other’. You were you. His very own treasure, his very own mate. Reluctantly, a hand left your body to fish for something buried within the nest. “You’re fuckin’ gorgeous,” He coated his fingers generously in lube, desperate to ensure that he would cause as little pain as possible, “Just fuckin’ perfect”. Two fingers slipped into you as Mammon spoke, his tone low and hoarse. Never had he imagined just how difficult it would be to hold himself back like this, nor could he have been prepared for just how much desire he felt in that moment. The sensation of your hot core wrapped around his fingers had him shamelessly rutting against your thigh, a poor attempt at taking the edge off of his lust.  A human really had no business wrecking him like this. His heat cycles were normally pretty boring - desperate rutting for a day or two and then back to normal life. You had no right to set his skin aflame like this, no right to have him feel like he could cum just from the noise you made once he had three fingers fucking into your heat. The way his blood was rushing in his ears was deafening...and he wanted more. It didn’t take too long for it all to get too much. Even all of the dark hickies that he had furiously littered your neck, chest and shoulders with weren’t enough to distract him from the wet sound of his fingers preparing you or the stunning sounds he managed to pull from you when he got the angle of his hand just right.  Mammon would never admit it, but he kind of missed his target. The point of removing his hand from you had been to slip himself right in. Instead, as he kissed you he rolled his slick cock against your sex...which, to be fair, had felt better than your thigh. And if the sound that you’d made in response was anything to go by, you thought so too.  He liked that noise. A lot. So he rolled his hips against you again, groaning in response to you. Ever eager to please, the greedy demon found a rhythm that you both seemed to enjoy in the interim. “Ya like that, huh?” Mammon wasn’t sure where the cockiness in his tone was coming from when internally he felt so nervous. It was those very nerves that quickly had his hand moving to guide his cock to your entrance and thrusting into you before you could retort. Mammon didn’t realise it would silence both of you.  By no means was he a virgin. The Great Mammon would have it known that he was a proper Casanova type, thank you very much. He just didn’t realise how different it would feel coupling with someone that he truly and deeply loved. The heat causing that deep need to breed the closest thing with a pulse didn’t help things, of course.  It was...incredible, for lack of a better word. Divine. Mammon choked on an Infernal curse once seated completely in you and had to literally bite his tongue to keep an anchor on his self-control.  All of that hard earned control was thrown out the window when his name passed your lips.  There was no hesitation in how his hips pistoned, fucking into you relentlessly. His hands manoeuvred to cradle the back of your knees and he pushed your legs back to allow him more access to your body, his fingers gripping hard enough to bruise. The noises that left him were snaps and snarls of Infernal praise, not that he realised. The only thought on Mammon’s mind was his primal objective of breeding you until neither of you could move ; it didn’t matter whether you could actually fall pregnant or not. No logic or worry clouded his mind with these thoughts. All he could focus on was filling you with his seed until he couldn’t any more, the thought of your stomach tender and round because of his affections toward his mate... Mammon’s first orgasm came with an embarrassing quickness. When he spilled inside of you, his teeth sinking into the tender flesh of your chest, he was quickly filled with a relief and warmth that he hadn’t felt in ages. For the first time since his heat had set in, there was true clarity in his mind. While his natural instincts weren’t completely quelled, it was enough for him to actually think with something other than his adamantly pulsing dick. His relief quickly fell to mortification, the shadows of which were clear on his features when he pulled back to look at you. His cheeks were tinted red both from exertion and embarrassment ; he hadn’t paid enough attention to get you to climax. He was quick to stutter out your name, mouth tripping on the words that were trying to get out of his mouth as his sluggishly content brain tried to supply words just beyond reach. “What, isn’t The Great Mammon going to make me cum?” Your sass fanned the flames in his loins. A playful snarl was made in response, “Oh sweetheart. I’m going to make you cum so fuckin’ hard you black out. You won’t be able to feel your legs by the time I’m done with you”. And so The Great Mammon set to work. --- Mammon hummed contentedly as you lazily played with the hair at the nape of his neck hours later. This was perfection. Strong fingers stroked your thighs as he enjoyed the sensation of you wrapped around his hips, the pleasure of you sat on his lap while cuddled up together in your nest. The demon toyed with the thought of pushing his hips up just to make you gasp from the overstimulation, but decided against it. Although he was loath to admit it, you needed rest - because Mammon had been good to his word, ensuring that you both had more than your fair share of orgasms.  But this was good. The fire in his gut had died down to crackling embers, although he knew it would flare up again soon - but you would be there to help ease him through it. And you even seemed to like helping him out. What was the phrase… ‘mutually beneficial’? Somethin’ like that. His eyes fluttered open when he heard your chuckle. He couldn’t help but wonder if you knew how freakin’ stunning you were when you smiled like that. “What?” When your eyes met his, he was pouting frowning. The laugh that you let out only made his brow furrow more, “I said what. What’s got ya laughin’ like that, huh? You should be out like a freakin’ light by now”. It wasn’t until you replied that he realised how obvious it was, “I didn’t know that demons could purr”. Mammon squawked loudly and attempted to divert your attention - he sounded like a damn motor! It wasn’t fair! He wasn’t even able to control the way he was going off… It was embarrassing. “Well, yeah, y’know, sometimes. We’re incredible ‘n mysterious creatures us demons, y’know! Demons are capable of things that your human mind couldn’t even comprehend! Anyway, ’s not like ’s all the time or anythin’ like that…” He tried to occupy himself and forget about the heat radiating from his face by playing with your hair - but he could feel you smiling against the crook of his neck. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” The incredible and mysterious demon sounded more like a petulant child (well, a purring and petulant child). “So, when do you normally purr?” “I dunno. When we’re happy, I guess?” “Does that mean I haven’t made you happy before?” The way that he spluttered was definitely worth teasing him. “Who said that ya haven’t made me happy?! ‘N besides, this is different!” Even Mammon couldn’t deny that he was now pouting, but he tried to focus on the feeling of your fingers running along his shoulders. It was nice; soothing, even. Until he felt a sharp tug on the back of his neck.  “Ouch! You gotta be more gentle than that!” The look of surprise on your face made him want to curl in on himself. “Mammon - are those feathers?” “Phffft,” The greedy demon rolled his eyes and tried to deflect your query, “Shaddap. You dunno what you’re talking ‘bout”.  When your mouth opened again, he did take the opportunity to thrust sharply into you. At the gasp, he lurched forward with a passionate kiss. Simply to shut you up, of course. No hidden agenda. His pleased purring melted into a deep rumbling, the fire in his belly stoking itself back to life. It was impossible for him not to roll you over to allow him to bask in more of your shared passion. The laughter that ensued, laughter that he was sure was aimed at him, only made his heart swell as much as his cock.