Buck and Maddie have never told anyone that their family is actually minor British royalty. Their secret is revealed when the King of England is to be crowned and they’re invited to the event – along with their unsuspecting partners.

After the group travels to London, they find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of regal events and hilarious mishaps.

Read on Ao3 here

Reader interaction encouraged and reblogs appreciated - thank you!

"Groot Syndrome"

Prompt: A strange curse has made it so the Batman can only say the phrase "I am vengeance" much like the Marvel character Groot. His allies and enemies alike now struggle to communicate with the new Batman. Prompt Source: user stevethewatcher; subreddit “Writing Prompts”

When the curse first hit, he struggled against it- railed, even, screaming long into the morning hours deep in the Batcave's soundproof testing rooms desperately trying to find the limits to the curse, looking for any loophole no matter how small.

By the next evening, however, he truly knew despair.

He could make sounds that weren't words- grunts, screams, noises of exertion or displeasure, but ONLY when the vocal component, if there was one, did not resemble any words- besides the only three he could say.

If he went too long, however, he would start feeling it build up like a compulsion, banging against his throat and the back of his teeth, until he was reduced to clinging to a wall chanting "I am Batman I am Batman I am Batman I am Batman" for nearly half an hour.

Anything else he tried to say, any statement he attempted to express verbally, always came out as "I am Batman", as well, no matter what he did. He shaped the words correctly with his lips, tried to force his tongue to curl the right way to say literally anything else, but no matter what movements his mouth actually made, the sound that always left him remained the same three words.

He could write, of course, but the curse seemed to regard that like making noises that had meaning but weren't words- he could write things down for a little while, or type them, but once the arbitrary timer was up, his body simply ceased to obey him and he could do nothing but shake and listen to himself like his body didn't belong to him as he chanted that cursed phrase again.

He couldn't leave the house like this. He'd try to say "hello" to a business associate and blurt his secret identity to Gotham at large! And Gods knew the idle rich couldn't keep a secret to save their lives; no matter who heard him, the entirety of Gotham would know by noon, and the criminal underground would descend en masse on his home before midnight.

He explained this to Alfred, over a short series of emails interrupted by no less than four chanting fits.

Alfred suggested, surprisingly, he go out as usual as Batman. He'd spin some sort of story about a mental health emergency and Bruce being whisked off to a treatment facility- the press ate that sort of mysterious ailment right up- and Batman could roam the streets: letting the Gallery of Rogues see that he'd been cursed and it wasn't going to stop him.

Worst case scenario- they would realize who he was based on the curse, and storm the house. Alfred reminded him, in his wonderfully calm way, they had defenses set up for just such a situation, and the supplies to withstand a prolonged siege. Better case scenario, it wasn't a Rogue who'd cursed him, and none of them liked strange villains encroaching on their turf. Best case, the Rogues got so downright offended by the slight they'd find a way to break the curse. Joker, at least, would hate the literal inability to respond to his jokes and one-liners, and Selene-- she most certainly wouldn't be happy he was roaming every night on account of his civilian identity being entirely unavailable. This even affected his emotional responses, too, and he couldn't answer riddles- that was two more of the intelligent minds of the Gallery who would be upset by the limits of the curse.

Batman agreed. And so, the quest to find a cure began: right in broad daylight.

After all, if he couldn't be a civilian right now, he might as well have a little fun. The daytime petty criminals often mocked the Rogues for being 'too stupid' to notice Bats wasn't around in the daylight hours and doing their crimes then.

Four bank robberies, ten muggings, a girl scout troop turf war, and an attempted kidnapping later, they were literally begging him to "go back on the night shift".

"I'll take what shifts I please," he tried to say, snarking at them where they were tied in one large knot for the police to pick up.

As he'd known it would, all they heard was "I am Batman I am Batman."

Well. Phase one complete: word was starting to spread as of now.

911: Lone Star S4 E14 | The Case of the Stolen Pudding Cup -> The Culprit Revealed

Okay, so I know everyone loves the joke about pre vampire Astarion judging based on vibes, but I do feel like his more...Foppishly flippant persona is one he put on after being turned and enslaved by Cazador. You see peeks of his previous personality in dialogue, such as this one linked here

I don't think he was a corrupt magistrate in the way people tend to think. Silly, accepting bribes all the time (maybe every now and then, though, don't get me wrong) and just only getting the job due to nepotism.

We've seen Astarion already have prejudices against gnomes, Gur, and other minority groups. It's not far to say that he allowed these to sway his rulings or even have him push for a ruling, such as what he may have done with the ruling that the Gur killed him for. Hell, he might have even refused a bribe from Cazador and that's what put him on Cazador's radar to set him up to kill. (Or something. I do feel like Astarion did a thing that annoyed Cazador and he wanted to "put him in his place.")

I do have this question and this is going to bring some speculative thoughts.

Why is a guy who was probably a high moon elf so prejudice and cut throat? Moon elves aren't known for being prejudice and cruel, in fact they detest cruelty and unfairness. Sun elves were a bit more prejudice and believing in elf superiority, known to act first when dealing with drow and ask questions later, but I hesitate to consider Astarion a sun elf due to the fact we see the other spawn. Their colorations didn't change except their eyes.

The only reason I can think of is if his family wanted to leave behind the free spirited, traveling attitude of their moon elf brethren and wanted to reach for some higher status, and found a way to do that in Baldur's Gate. Astarion does mention a moon elf noble house in Evermeet, so he isn't so disassociated with his people as some might suggest.

"House Nightstar was a moon elf house led in 1367 DR by the twin sisters Halaema Nightstar and Saelihn Nightstar. (x)"

So taking in this guy's possible family ambitions to maybe be up in the high elf pecking order as some of the sun elf houses....

Astarion would have been a serious magistrate, albeit a highly biased one.

He would know the laws like the back of his hand, and yet would bend them to fit what he wanted them to be in his rulings. Yes, this is the law, but wouldn't it be better if we kept the vagrants out? Yes, I know this is the typical standard, but we should be more severe on these people so they know not to step out of line. He would do everything by the book, but some of the rulings would be viewed as severe due to who he was working with.

And would he enjoy the power and influence of the job? Yes. He would have indulged himself outside of the office. But inside the office, he'd be cut throat to gain the next level to build up the family power level.

I welcome other thoughts, because my ADHD just ran out of steam.

I think Dazai, while young, became attached to Natsume when Natsume was lonely and so was he (which is why he calls him Sensei in the Dark Era, like the protagonist in Kokoro); that Natsume brought Dazai to Mori after Dazai attempted suicide (which is why Dazai never touches him in Bar Lupin, why Natsume follows him from the Port Mafia to his meeting with Taneda and then to the Agency, why Dazai knows Natsume well enough to allude to his history to Tanizaki and to recieve the jump drive Natsume brings him in the Cannibalism arc— Dazai knows him); and that Natsume performed a partial skill transfer similar to Kyouka's mother to ensure it could not come that close ever again (and that's why Dazai is one of the few if not only touch/contact-based skill users whose is involuntary).

I think No Longer Human isn't merely nullification, I think (similar to how Bram's skill reverses death but through the framework of vampirism and Atsushi's slices skills and regenerates in addition to his transformations), there is more to Dazai's skill such that it precludes him from dying (which is why he can stand in front of a hail of bullets and be thrown by Chuuya through several buildings in the Port Mafia, why he can't seem to commit suicide successfully, why Kunikida and Chuuya remark on his preternatural inability to die, why Dazai says to both Atsushi and Fyodor with such certainty "you can't kill me," and, cheekily, why Kunikida tells Dazai in 55 Minutes "You're no longer human! You've lost that right!" when Dazai says he finally managed to die, however briefly).

I think Natsume's skill bends reality in the shape of the narrative structure over which he had such mastery and he decided that whoever he failed to snatch from the cyclical jaws of misery and suicide before (again, borrowing from Kokoro), he would not let this boy die; and how cruel that must have felt at first (which is why Dazai hates pain— he's been denied the easiest escape from it that he knows), but how reality bent to weave a narrative such that Dazai could be saved again and again in such a way that might shatter Koroko's inescapable loneliness (this is why, in 55 Minutes, it's implied HG Wells might not have existed, might have been an apparition from an earlier era, as if reality itself rippled space and time to reconjure someone who made sense to protect Dazai when it seemed unlikely anyone else could; why Akutagawa happened to have business there; why Akutagawa and Atsushi happened to cross paths).

It's well known that the titular cat in I Am a Cat is a calico. But, the story was based on Natsume's IRL cat, who was a black, striped cat. And aren't Dazai's bandages a little like stripes?

One criticism often levelled at republican movements, particularly here in the UK, is that getting rid of the monarchy and all its associated pomp, pageantry and ritual would be a terrible loss to our national character.

This is a simple failure of imagination: we already *have* significant ritual-of-rule based around symbols of royal authority that have and need no direct interaction with the monarch.

Mace Republicanism answers that criticism by committing to the monarchy as a self-referencing symbol, by calling for hereditary monarchy to be abolished and the monarchy to pass to the Mace itself - a sovereign in shining steel and burnished brass, immortal and unbiased.

We can keep as much ritual as we want, and in fact it would allow us to establish new ceremonies. Consider an MP found to have acted against the public interested, sentenced to a Smiting with the Mace. A poker-faced Maxifer in an outfit that somehow manages to be uncomfortably severe and needlessly embellished marches up with much swinging of legs, extends both arms, and takes up the Person of the Sovereign; with a flourish they turn to the knave to be smitten, present the Mace, and lightly tap the subject on the shoulder. This is widely understood to be a powerful symbol of disgrace.

Abolish the Monarchy; Anoint the Mace.

realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille

keep my heart in your palm

"His favorite pair were the first ones he had truly invested in and spent a good chunk of kruge on. They were by no means anything high-end, but the stitching was durable and the leather had grown soft and pliable with time and use. They were Inej’s favorite pair, too. She had told him on her first night back a few voyages ago while they lay in bed together, his hand draped gently over her waist." - or, a pair of gloves, a night together that doesn't go quite as planned, and mending what's broken ❤️

Read on AO3

Do you ever think about the fact that Sirius and Remus were fully planning on murdering Pettigrew for betraying James and Lily? No reporting it to the Ministry and clearing Sirius’s name, just death. Sirius was already planning on killing Pettigrew for it, and once Remus learned about the Secret Keeper switch, he jumped on the “let’s kill Peter” train immediately, he didn’t even wait for the train to stop, he climbed on through a window.

i’m gonna be honest—the whole thing is just so hilarious to me 💀💀

i mean, i can still get where sirius is coming from ykno? the poor guy was in prison, had his mind basically turned into soup, and then vilified by everyone—no wonder he’s so fixated ykno?

but remus, my god. what a mad lad. i can honestly see where all the feral remus hcs come from bc the dude didn’t need two seconds before he hopped onto the homicide wagon. he was just so matter-of-fact about it too like, ‘oh well, guess there’s no other way than to literally murder the only piece of evidence they have to explain this convoluted mindfuck of a situation.

cares not one bit about the three kids who’ll probably be traumatised—therapy exists for a reason and kids r resilient dw—or how he’ll explain it to the authorities or why they’ll do with sirius after—stash him in the outhouse—like the man had absolutely no reason to be as murderous as he was 😭😭 he’d just found out the truth five seconds ago.

Blue Eye Samurai: regarding Mizu’s “plot armour” or her “ridiculously over-powered” abilities.

“Mizu is way too overpowered, it doesn’t make sense.”

I feel like a lot of people don’t realize just how much the mind over matter mentality plays a roll in Mizu’s “abilities”. Mizu isn’t the best because she’s physically the strongest, or had the best training, or the most experience, or whatever. Mizu is the best because she has single-minded focus and immense tenacity that borders on psychotic due to how intensely dedicated to revenge she has been for almost all of her life. All the years she spent training, all the time she spends taking out enemies, she is being driven by single minded focus and iron willed determination that never wavers. She has been sharpening and honing not just her body, but her mind, for exactly this. She has dedicated her entire life to her quest for vengeance, and in her own words, there is no room in it for anything else.

People also seem to be making a lot of assumptions about what kind of training and how much training Mizu has or has not had. As the audience, we’ve only been shown bits and pieces of Mizu’s past, which includes her experience learning martial arts. Asking shit like “how is she so good with a sword if she’s only self taught?” is like asking “how can she read and write if Master Eiji is blind?”. The answer is that Mizu has obviously learnt these things from more than one source, but documenting her entire education in detail doesn’t exactly serve a purpose to the narrative. We are explicitly shown in one of Mizu’s flashbacks that she’s been practicing with a wooden sparring sword since she was very young. It’s actually her child self that we see in that brief particular flashback. Not her teen/tween self, her child self. She’s also following the movements and instructions of an older man that is clearly a skilled samurai or warrior of some kind based on context (which y’all love to ignore). Besides, who else would want/need a sword from a master sword-maker besides an expert swordsman? How many skilled fighters from all over Japan have come to Master Eiji’s forge hoping for a blade, and wait with nothing better to do but train while their blade is being made? How many of them have divulged information about certain fighting styles (like Shindo-Ryu, which Mizu was familiar with despite never having been to the dojo before). Or practiced around her and with her? We are clearly shown through Mizu’s flashbacks that receiving training from a visiting client has not been unusual for her throughout her apprenticeship with Master Eiji, and her little spar with Blood Soaked Chiaki was no one time event. Yet Mizu is never given the benefit of the doubt by the audience, despite context clues indicating that she should be.

“Taigen has way more training in an actual dojo, so why is Mizu better?”

Whereas Taigen, while he was determined to become more than just a fisherman’s son and was driven to rise through the ranks of the Dojo and become a skilled samurai, did not have that same desire or determination to hone every part of himself to be the most deadly weapon he could possibly be, like Mizu did. Taigen believes in the samurai code of honor and upholds it in his own way (preventing him from learning how to “fight dirty” so to speak) and he also had a life outside of his training (he had a social life, he drank, he partied, he snuck around a lot to see Akemi presumably, etc). In fact, we actually never see Taigen practice, train, learn, hone his skills, or anything (to my recollection) throughout the whole season, until he’s bested by Mizu in combat. I’m assuming Taigen had to work quite hard for several years to become as good as he is, but I get the sense that ever since he has been regarded as a prodigy he has allowed himself to get cocky and maybe a bit too comfortable. He has always been the best and always thought himself to be the best, so he never needed to give 150% effort when he fought. In fact, as he got older and more practiced, and it became more and more apparent how much better he was than everyone else, he probably stopped giving his 110% and allowed himself to get a bit comfortable putting in 100% effort, and then eventually 80% effort (which is part of the reason why I think he’s so pissed he lost to Mizu in their first fight, because he knows he could have done better: been less cocky, been more tactical, more driven, etc).

We also never see Taigen meditate or mentally or physically prepare himself the way we do with Mizu. Mizu will pray before a major upcoming battle, not because she’s religious, but because she’s mentally, emotionally, and spiritually preparing herself. We even see Mizu submerge herself in very cold ocean water (during the winter mind you) as a ritual/practice of sorts that serves to center herself and prepare mentally and physically for what’s ahead when she feels herself getting “too emotional” or too stressed or unfocused or even just slightly off kilter. Mizu sacrifices every part of her life, so that she can be the deadliest version of herself possible. She has no social life. She has no friends, or significant others (Mikio aside). She has no other activities to participate in, because she’s been completely alienated and thus being anything but the best is not an option in her mind because she has no options. She tried married life. She had the best possible life that she could have had as a biracial woman in Edo era Japan. She did as she was told by her “mother”. She showed her true self to Mikio, just as he desired. Yet the blood and vengeance still caught up with her. She has no other options anymore. Pursuing revenge is the only thing she knows how to do, because every other avenue in life has been cut off from her. So she has to be single-mindedly focused on her vengeance, which means being as skilled and as dangerous as she can possibly be. She has no hobbies or jobs or responsibilities beyond sword-making (which allows her to become as familiar with the blade as possible) and training herself. If she has extra time, she uses it to practice, to train, to improve, to simply maintain peak performance. Such as when she was hacking through those trees in episode 2. Afterwards, we see Taigen attempt to replicate her training (by cutting down trees with his sword). Though even then, it was more about curiosity and trying to suss out Mizu so he could gauge her skill level, then it was about actually honing his own abilities (until episode 3 when he practices with Chiaki’s broken blade). Which does count as training in its own way (assessing your enemy), but my point still stands. Taigen does not have the same unwavering focus and force of will that Mizu does (partially because he does not actually want to kill Mizu, as we do see Taigen go cold blooded with focus when he kills Heiji Shindo, but those are whole other discussions).

“Mizu just has ridiculous plot armour, that’s the real reason she survives every encounter.”

I feel like people that think Mizu has ridiculous plot armour are just not at all familiar with the Samurai or Western/Cowboy sub-genres at all, or even action as an overarching genre on its own. I don’t believe I have ever engaged in a single piece of action media in which the protagonist didn’t have “plot armour” in some way. Basically half of all male protagonists from any and all modern western action movies ever, have been way too over-powered and been able to take a ridiculous amount of damage that should have killed them multiple times over. These action heroes (who in western media are almost always cis-het white men) have ridiculous plot armour in the most classic sense. Yet no one complains when it’s a white man. Only when it’s a queer-coded biracial woman of colour. Shocking.

In fact, you could argue that every main character in every fictional story ever told has plot armour to a certain degree, because having an entire narrative revolve around one character is inherently “unrealistic” and therefore the main character has plot armour, yes? No? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Oh, and on the topic of the samurai genre specifically (and many martial arts based action media) there are certain genre specific tropes that are nearly integral to the genre. One of the most prominent being the samurai/ronin/warrior/martial arts master that is “ridiculously over powered”. It’s literally part of the genre. In fact, the western/cowboy genre is quite similar to the classic samurai genre. Now, how many westerns have you watched in which Clint Eastwood or John Wayne shoot 5+ guys with one pistol before any of the guys they shoot even get a shot off? A lot I bet. Is that not the definition of “over-powered” and “unrealistic”? Or is it just a genre trope, or even perhaps, a genre staple? No one thinks Arthur Morgan (Red Dead Redemption 2) is over-powered. No one thinks that Joel (The Last of Us) is over-powered. In fact, when the TLOU show came out, people actually complained that Joel, the fifty-something year old man that has been living in a post apocalyptic wasteland for 20 years, was not badass or strong enough (he kills dozens of humans and super zombies and he’s legally a senior). So, who is the “judge” of what is and is not realistic in action media that borders on sci-fi/fantasy based on how “over-powered” the protagonists “realistically” are?

“It’s just weird that Mizu is so powerful when other characters within the story are not. It makes Mizu such a Mary Sue.”

Okay… so, with all that in mind, let’s circle back to where I started when referring to Mizu as someone driven by unwavering determination, and how that affects her “abilities”. That facet of her personality and motivation is nothing new when it comes to the action genre, especially for protagonists of revenge storylines. Think of Kill Bill or John Wick. Why does John or the Bride keep going and keep winning even when they are constantly getting injured and always fighting. Is it because they are simply that much better than everyone else? Yes and no. No, because they are not superheroes (technically), but also yes. Because their single minded determination and need for revenge drives them to push that much harder than anyone else on their skill level. They are the best, but they win against everyone else that is also “the best” because they want it more. They need it more. Mind over matter. They are willing to endure what others are not through sheer will and pure cold rage. Mizu, Beatrice Kiddo, John Wick, and so many more similar protagonists in action-revenge narratives don’t keep winning and keep getting back up no matter how inured they get because they are just “that much stronger and more talented than everyone else”. Yes, they are extremely skilled and would probably be one of the strongest and most deadly combatants/killers in their respective universes regardless… but their refined skill and raw talent and power are not the only reason they win. Their unwavering force of will, extreme determination, ice cold fury, and single-minded focus on revenge is what drive them to be that much tougher. Their tenacity is their superpower. They want to win more than their opponent does. They need to win, because this is their one and only goal in life as of now. Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai) Beatrice (Kill Bill), John (John Wick), they all share a philosophy in life when it comes to their revenge, which basically boils down to “Either I kill you, or I die trying. There is no middle ground, there is no negotiating, no other choice, no path of least resistance, no other goal or motivation. You will die, because I ain’t fucking dying until you do.”

Mizu doesn’t have plot armour and she’s not over-powered. She is an archetypical protagonist of the action-revenge narrative and the samurai/western genre as well. She arguably even has better reason to be completing the feats that she does than John Wick or The Bride, because the medium of Blue Eye Samurai is animation and not live action, and the genre borders on magical realism far more than Kill Bill or John Wick. Now, how many anime protagonists (probably almost all male) can you think of that are “ridiculously over-powered” especially compared to any live action counterparts, but no one complains about it? Why does no one complain about it (aside from misogyny)? Because the medium of animation inherently has different “rules”, expectations, and set standards for suspension of disbelief, than the medium of live action film or television. For example, is it ridiculous and unrealistic when you’re watching a Looney Tunes cartoon and Bugs Bunny’s legs pinwheel in super-speed for 3 seconds straight before he starts running, or when he runs off a ledge and gravity just lets him hang there for a sec so he can look straight at the camera before he falls? No, it’s not “unrealistic” or emersion breaking, not even a little, but why? Is it because any of those things seem even remotely probable or “realistic”? Of course not! It’s perfectly acceptable because the medium, genre, target audience, atmosphere, art/animation style, narrative choice, storytelling style, and more, have all established that Bugs Bunny defying physics is normal in Looney Tunes, and therefore not a “plot-hole” or “unrealistic”. In fact, if Bugs Bunny or Tom and Jerry didn’t defy physics in ridiculous ways all the time, then it feels far stranger and off-beat than if they did. Same goes for pretty much all action anime. If the characters in those stories were strictly limited to what is 100% humanly possible in real life, most of those animes wouldn’t even have storylines anymore. They’d be turned into completely different content that may be unrecognizable from the original source material. Or wouldn’t even have any material anymore because all the characters would be dead after their first fight scene. So why is Blue Eye Samurai being held to a different standard?

Now, do y’all get it yet?

shadowhunters tv i love you so so so so so much. alec asking magnus to move in and Magnus going “we’ve been seeing each other for less than two months” i am literally crying laughing bc literally what do you MEAN that’s so fucking funny this show is so unserious

Sometimes I just stop and giggle at how incredibly stupidly silly and ridiculous I am with the whole bearotonin, fuckyeah-bears, swearotonin thing. I really am unhinged but I amuse myself sooo much lmfaoo

No, actually, I’ll not just be generally vaguely upset about the framework that pisses me off, I will also be specifically pissed off about the way he’s trying to pat himself on the back and rewrite history.

So having a gay character be brave by coming out and that bravery be an inspiration to other queer characters so they can be brave and come out too is something that comes off poor on its own already - because of the shallow framework that our existence alone is already oh-so brave of us and that others wouldn’t have dared come out if not for Major Queer Character who did it first.

But there is something particularly twisted and nasty about Riordan using this for Nico di Angelo, actually.

Because Nico di Angelo didn’t come out.

Nico di Angelo didn’t get to be brave or inspirational.

Nico di Angelo was forced out of the closet.

Nico di Angelo was outed against his will, in front of others.

Eros forced Nico to come out in front of Jason.

And, quite frankly, the way it was handled further was just as poor. To make this repressed teen from the 1930s, who up until mere days ago was dealing with severe internalized homophobia and couldn’t even admit his own feelings to himself, confess his crush in public, in the middle of camp...

Both of these events really just showed that Riordan is a straight man who doesn’t know this, and didn’t do his research beforehand.

And people just love giving Riordan the benefit of the doubt. Love giving him a pass and clapping him on the shoulder for the inclusion and for trying. And you know what! Yeah, I do love that he includes the gays. I do not think he should get excused for handling representation like shit though.

And this? This is in his newest book? You should think authors grow. Best selling authors should do more research. Get consultants. Stuff like that.

Instead, we’re going back and rewriting history. That forced coming out? Now a moment of bravery and inspiration for others!! Look how great and amazing that is!

Nico di Angelo didn’t get to choose that he was ready to come out, it wasn’t a moment of bravery. Not the kind of bravery that it takes when you are ready to face your personal truth and willingly take the step to own it. It was a moment of fear and desperation. And it was the bravery to face that fear and desperation.

And it really makes me sick to now learn that we’re looking back at it and pretending otherwise, in-universe.

Thoughts on Abbott women and their relationships to the cameras:

AUSHSHS, OKAY. One of my favorite things to think about how is how the Abbott characters are super aware of the cameras and how they have different relationships to the fact that they’re being filmed all the time. Here are some thoughts/headcanons for women esp.

Janine: Janine is the most honest with the cameras, treating them like friends, and thus shares a lot of her life with them: her triumphs, her plans, her sadnesses, her insecurities. Hell, I think it’d be fair to say that she even overshares, allowing the cameras unfettered access into her home and car and life beyond the workday. I especially thought this during “Sick Day.” This poor girl was literally, like, letting herself be filmed running to her bathroom!!! Like, girl, set some boundaries. You have a right to some privacy!!!!! But, of course, this is the crux of Janine’s central character arc. So lonely, once a clearly neglected child, our protagonist has a hard time with boundaries in general, and that extends to how she interacts with the cameras. They have become her closest companions and her dearest diary, her safe place for unapologetically being herself. We’re always getting Janine unfiltered, and it’s an incredibly humbling experience for an attentive viewer. She’s fully let us into our lives, and we feel for her deeply. My God, we just want her to be happy.

Barbara: Of the cast, Barbara is one of the most vigilant of the fact that she is being constantly surveilled and has to perpetually maintain her perfect facade because of this crucial fact. It’s her almost doll-like smile into the camera when she says that she doesn’t have a weird thing about her. It’s how she’s always emphasizing how proper and moral and Christian she is in her talking heads. One of my favorite recent examples is from the tattoo episode when she initially says her favorite “b” word is Barbara, but then her first correction is to the more upstanding and characteristic answer of “Bible.” But, as some of my favorite Work Wives gifsets have shown, Barbara occasionally forgets that the cameras are there—usually when she’s drawn into the intimacies of a moment, allowing herself to feel her own emotions without disciplining or regulating them. And it has to be with someone she emphatically trusts, such as Melissa. But any slippages, which are few and far-between, are quickly and efficiently amended. She studiously remembers herself. She slips the mask back on and smiles directly at the cameras and dares them to question what they saw in the place. She is Barbara Howard, married woman of God. She’s always perfect, don’t you know?

Ava: OKAY, OKAY, so I genuinely think that out of everyone, Ava is the most aware of the cameras being on her at all times. TikTok queen and social media extraordinaire, how can she not be? Like Barbara, and honestly even more proficiently than our favorite repressed lesbian lady, she touts an expert facade to the cameras, hyping up her natural charisma and her extrovertism and coolness—sometimes to the point of excess. She’s always catering to a targeted audience. She knows her way around an algorithm, a trend, a hashtag, perpetually attuned to what the people like and want to consume. Of course, she, too, has her rare moments of vulnerability, but the cameras have to be super quick and sneaky to find them. Avanine enjoyers, I think one of my favorite shots is when the cameras initially locate Ava and Janine talking about Ava’s grandmother during the step episode. The framing is faraway at first because the cameras are at the distance—clearly intruding and zooming on this quiet moment—and that’s pretty much the only way they ever catch our Ava Coleman slipping. I am sooooo invested in the fact that we can probably count the times that we’ve seen Ava unmasked on one hand!!!!!!

Melissa: Melissa has a fascinatingly contradictory relationship with the cameras, perhaps to match the oxymoron between her own well-chosen facade and her personality. She presents herself as tough and unflappable, likes to maintain an air of “dark mystery” to others as she once famously smirked in a talking head, but simultaneously—behind Janine—she’s probably been the most candid of the cast with the cameras. She actually let them stay in her house! Oh, yes, she absolutely insults the cameras from time to time—clearly distrusts them, stops herself when she thinks she’s saying too much, fears that they’re snitches—but she’s also told them some pretty damn intimate things too, like showing them pictures of Kristen Marie and literally crying. I really love LAW’s headcanon that there’s one camera person that she thinks is cute and so confides in more because I think that tracks with our general conception of Mel as someone who only relaxes around people she trusts. Some cameras are cops to her—they invite suspicion and paranoia, alerting her fight-or-fight response. Others have seen her at more unguarded moments and teased a lovely softness out of her.

Felix and Kagami understand the plot and themes of the series better than any of us could

Look at them go