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sttoru · 9 months

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𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔.

⟣ sypnosis. you had been in your first ever relationship with suguru for a couple months now. neither of you have taken your relationship to the next level; suguru was extremely patient and never brought the topic of sex up until you one day decide you were ready.

⟣ note. first fic for my event :3 i spent way too much time on this fic so it turned out very detailed, long, romantic and fluffy. i hope you all enjoy and appreciate it teehee. this post contains smut, proceed at own risk ! wc: around 6.1k

⟣ tags. soft dom!geto suguru x virgin!female reader. fluff + smut. slow burn. age gap (reader 20-ish, suguru around 29/30), little talks about insecurity, loss of virginity, breast play, edging, teasing, fingering, lots of praise, dirty talk, size difference!, p in v — unprotected (dont b like reader and use protection please), creampie, aftercare, suguru’s really romantic and just a softie for u, suguru being a good ‘dad’ to mimiko and nanako and teeny tiny bits of him secretly being a pervert.

never in a million years had suguru expected his girlfriend to be so upfront about such a big, personal decision. the thought of having you say those words had never crossed his mind.

“can you repeat that for me, sweetheart?”

could you blame him for asking you to clarify the words you’ve uttered? that man has seen you as an oblivious and innocent woman ever since the start of your relationship. of course, unbeknownst to him, your thoughts were anything but that.

you may be a virgin, but your mind was a place for the most lewd and nasty thoughts. it’s just that you’ve been scared of being intimate with a man—it’s frightening, especially when having heard the many online stories about how badly it could hurt. some say that such descriptions were over exaggerating, however your inexperience still lead you to believe everything you’ve read about the topic.

and then you started dating an older man named suguru. you’ve met him by chance at a mall in kyoto and he was the first one who approached the other. you remember how suguru politely asked you for some advice regarding what type of presents he should get for ‘two teenage girls’. of course, you agreed to helping him out and that’s how you two eventually ended up brainstorming about possible ideas in a cozy café.

once seated, chosen drinks in both your hands, you asked the man whether the gifts were meant for his daughters. somehow, that’s the first connection the neurones in your brain had made once suguru told you about the two teenagers he was picking out presents for.

you remember it vividly; the sweet, gentle sound of the laughter that accounted as your answer, the eyes of the then stranger looking rather nostalgic as they stared into the liquid in his cup. suguru responded vaguely; “i guess you could say that, yes.”

that little ‘date’—if you could call it that—ended on a wholesome note. suguru thanked you for your time and made sure that you safely got into the train you needed to take home. he did want to offer you a car ride, however he kept that question to himself since he knew that no woman would voluntarily agree to be taken home by a stranger. even if suguru had the purest of intentions.

there were a couple more dates that followed after that one; all where you both gradually got to know each other better. you’ve found out so much about suguru—the details about his own life being both fascinating and sad at the same time. likewise, suguru had also learned much about you. he always shows great interest in what you tell him, even if it’s a minuscule detail. he remembers it all as well—a feature which caused you to feel funny things in your stomach.

you realised you were catching feelings for that mysterious yet sweet and loving man; it was inevitable. the way he makes you giggle, his respectful and easygoing manner of speaking, the slight touches you two shared on accident.. all of it added to your little crush.

however, you didn’t actually think suguru was falling for you too. you only met up for a few times, plus, you seem out of his league—both due to your age gap and difference in the things you’re pursuing at the time. you were in college, trying to get your degree whilst he already had a job as a powerful leader of an organisation and was trying to achieve one of many goals with them.

there’s not a chance he’d like you, right?

wrong. you were confessed to a couple weeks after your first meeting and have been in a relationship for over 4 months now. it still felt like a dream; having your first boyfriend be such a gentleman. it truly felt like you already met the love of your life whenever he was near.

suguru’s been nothing but sweet and caring to you, has never asked you to engage in any sexual activities nor even ever dared to touch you in places you haven’t consented to. the furthest you’ve gone in terms of intimacy in those four months, were make-out sessions. just some tongue action here and there—adding sprinkles of neck kisses and hickeys.

there were times where you wanted to let things escalate, however you couldn’t bring it upon yourself to ask your lover. suguru wasn’t the person to decide your feelings for you either—if there was no verbal consent coming from your lips, he’s not going any further. even if he wanted to as well.

you were grateful that suguru was that willing to wait for you, no matter how long it might take. not only were you anxious of the possible pain the sex would bring, but it was partially due to the fact that your lover was much more experienced in that field.

what if you were lacking? what if it wasn’t satisfactory enough for him and he’d eventually leave you for it? it’s obvious that suguru wasn’t the type of man to actually do that, however you couldn’t stop the many possibilities from running free in your brain.

your change of mind was rather spontaneous; it was today when you suddenly came up with your final decision. you were staying over at suguru’s, the sun was out and he was sitting on his balcony, reading a book whilst sipping on his coffee. what caught your eye was his bare back and the muscles which were on display to you.

suguru was shirtless and the seams of light were making his skin glisten—the view making your own body hot and bothered. you bit your lip and approached your boyfriend from behind, wrapping your arms around his shoulders before kissing his neck. that skin-to-skin contact made you sure of your decision; you needed him. in more ways than one.

that’s how you ended up saying what you said. the statement left suguru baffled since you uttered it in his ear out of the blue. he couldn’t deny one thing however; the idea certainly did send a shiver of excitement down his spine.

“i said,” you repeat with a little mischievous grin, leaning in closer to your lover once he turned around to face you properly—as if searching for any hints that your words were indeed not his imagination, “i wanna lose my virginity to you.”

it wasn’t. you actually said it—the words that would take your relationship a step further. although, suguru couldn’t help but wonder where your sudden decision came from. his hands found their way to yours and he held onto them like they were two delicate flowers.

“i’m happy to hear that, though i’m curious,” your lover starts off carefully as he places chaste yet soft kisses on your palms, “why so sudden?”

you shrug nonchalantly like you didn’t feel that twinge of nervousness in the back of your mind as you felt suguru’s lips on your skin. ‘it really was happening now, was it?’—that kind of feeling was the cause of your subtle anxiousness.

“well, ehh— you just looked good.. sitting there.. i guess.” you mumble, voice trailing off in embarrassment whilst your eyes darted around the balcony in attempt to avoid suguru’s gaze. your flustered expression and adorable confession makes him laugh gently. it was not a mocking laugh at all—more of an amused one;

“just when i thought you couldn’t get any cuter..” the long-haired man muses, the locks of his bangs grazing ever so slightly against your hands as he keeps holding them, “you never fail to surprise me, do you know that?”

suguru had a way with words that made you weak in the knees. or maybe it’s simply because he’s shirtless and kissing your palms so romantically. you don’t know which one it was.

“but, love,” suguru continues carefully as he stands up, your eyes following his as he towers over you, “are you a hundred percent sure? i don’t want to do anything you aren’t comf—“

“yes.” your answer cut your boyfriend off and he’s left in shock once more. your eyes were filled with determination, yet the faint glint of nervousness in them didn’t escape suguru’s sight. you’ve given your verbal consent and are even the first one to suggest the idea— what more could he ask of you?

there hung a silence between you two, the breeze blowing through suguru’s dark locks making him look even more majestic than he already was. you had no doubt about it; today was going to be the day. it had to be.

“then, if you’d let me have this,” his low voice sounded more sensual than it had ever been as his hand found its place on your cheek, fingertips rubbing against your ear, thumb softly pressing onto your skin—

a slow and romantic kiss followed straight afterwards. it had caught you slightly off guard, even when knowing fully well that this was what you were longing for.

his lips moved in tandem against yours, the soft touch making you feel certain emotions that you hadn’t even thought existed. this man whom you called your lover had never been unable to expose you to new sensations. and soon, he’ll grant you another one. a much pleasurable one.

one arm circled your waist, the other held up, hand on the back of your head to deepen the passion-filled kiss you shared. his lips parted your lightly trembling ones, the tips of your tongues attentively rubbing against one another as if to test the waters; was it fine to go further? are we actually doing this?

you were. it was set in stone as your throat formed soft noises of satisfaction, shaky breaths being exchanged by the two lovers on the balcony—not one of you realising that the weather was changing in the background. the sun was setting, creating the perfect mood for the situation as you were still engrossed by each other’s moves and touches.

it was only for the sake of catching your breath that you had pulled away. your cheeks felt hot, as did your entire body which was still pressed against suguru’s—chest to chest. the proximity was one you both had enjoyed many moments before, however this instant was unlike any other. you both knew as you stared at each other in silence, your quick breaths doing the talking instead.

“will you let me..” the voice of which you have grown to adore spoke to you, the owner grasping your attention once more by holding onto your hand. suguru’s fingers smoothly slid across your skin until they found the puzzle they were meant to complete—that being the gaps between your own fingers. once your hands were tightly intertwined, the man finishes his sentence;

“will you let me love you?”

his face was still close to yours as he uttered those beautiful words to you, warm breath lightly fanning the thin strands of hair on your cheeks to the side, lips subconsciously trying to brush against yours once more. but, they could wait. they could wait until the agreement leaves your mouth.

“of course.” the answer escapes before you could even register it properly. this makes suguru smile against your lips as he captured them in another sweet kiss. he muttered a small ‘thank you’ and then swept your legs off the floor—strong arms placed under your thighs to hold you up against his body whilst the hungry kisses continue.

suguru doesn’t know how he got there; carrying you over to his bed, settling you down onto the soft mattress, his body caging yours underneath him, eyes fluttering over every detail of your exposed skin. he hadn’t had you like this ever before; he hadn’t had you in his bed for a reason as sinful as this, only ever for cuddles or sleep.

“you’re beautiful.” the dark-haired man whispers as he carefully takes off the clothing covering your figure—the gorgeous skin his hands still have yet to explore. suguru can’t remember the last time he has treated anyone like this; like a treasure he’s had the honour to find and keep to himself. there hasn’t been a single woman in his life that he’s cared for this much—you’re the only one capable of mellowing him and his heart.

“stunning,” another compliment; another breath spent to praise you. your lover’s fingers teased the edges of your bra, lips kissing down your collarbone and towards the centre of your chest—each touch being done with precision. your bra became undone a second later and you let the straps fall of your arms, all the way until your breasts were fully revealed.

suguru’s breath hitches, mouth forming more saliva than in any previous instants, the liquid being pushed down his throat with a gulp. you didn’t have the chance to feel conscious of yourself in a moment like this; the dim light of the bedside lamp shone on suguru’s face, his lips glistening with a mixture of your saliva whilst his gaze was lingering on the new sight in front of him—he was utterly obsessed.

“may i?” his hands were already reaching out for the plump flesh and they came in touch once you nodded shyly. his palms were warm as they kneaded your breasts and his fingers brushed against your nipples, which made you whimper from how sensitive they were now that someone else has finally touched them.

suguru took notice of your reaction and put pressure on both small buds once again, thumbs rubbing your areolas in circular motions, “that good, princess?”

“mhmm— y-yes,” you mutter through a moan. your body was pushed further onto the mattress as your lover put more of his weight on you, your entire chest area getting covered by licks and kisses, slow and deliberate ones that left you yearning for more. suguru’s eyes gazed up at yours for consent once his parted lips hovered just above your sensitive nipples, his breath on them alone making you squirm already.

with another nod, suguru wasted no time taking one nipple into his warm mouth—wetting it with his saliva as his tongue slid around the area. his long fingers squeezed, twisted and pulled on your other nipple to give you both stimulations at once.

“mm, so good.” his muffled voice caused goosebumps to appear on your skin. suguru slowly lets his lips travel across your tits, sucking on them, even kissing down the curves until he reaches your torso. he gives that area the same amount of love and attention whilst your fingers were tangled around his smooth, long hair. suguru clearly seemed to enjoy the sensations; he let out small moans and hums against your bare skin to indicate that you should continue playing and tugging at his locks.

his tongue abruptly came to a stop right above the waistline of your panties—the barrier he was about to reach past for the first time. the hesitation was visible in his body language, however his fingers eventually tugged at the fabric, preparing to take it off.

your heart was beating out of your chest as you watched suguru slowly pull the last piece of cloth away. your thighs pressed together on instinct, stopping your panties from exposing your bare cunt.

“should i stop?” suguru asks with a raised eyebrow, fingers pulling away from your underwear now that he’s seen you close your legs. you didn’t want him to stop—it’s just the nerves that made your body move on its own command;

“please— no,” you shake your head, biting your lip as you swallowed your own saliva out of pure desire. you craved him now that it’s come this far, “need you. need you so bad, suguru.”

those words caused suguru’s brain to shut down. any irrelevant thoughts were thrown out of the window; the only thing his mind was telling him to do, was to take care of your needs. your body was laid out on his bed—trusting eyes looking up at his in anticipation, pretty hands grasping onto his sheets like it’d calm you down.

“i’m all yours, sweetheart.” suguru sighs, fingertips slightly shaking as he pulls your panties down to your ankles, eyes pausing on the revelation. to say that suguru was simply rendered speechless, was an understatement. that man was on the verge of letting loose of any self-control and just dive his face right between your thighs, eating you out like he’s fantasised of doing for a while now.

“fuck.” your boyfriend closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself before opening them to smile down at you—the handsome smile that was one of the many reasons you fell in love with him, “i’ll be careful. i promise.”

naturally, you nodded along. you’ve built up enough trust between one another during the past few months to let yourself be vulnerable in front of him. the palm of his hands patted your thighs slightly before spreading them apart, once again showing your glistening folds, a slight wetness to them from your own arousal.

suguru couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight. he’d already have devoured your dripping cunt if it wasn’t for his self-control. but, it was your first time. he couldn’t rush into things just yet.

“thank you, baby.” the dark-haired man whispered under his breath. he was showing his gratitude for the sight you allowed him to see—a sight only he had ever seen before. the only man to be able to witness the beauty before him. that fact alone made his eyes darken in lust ever so slightly.

his fingers carefully slid across your vulva, your bodily fluid coating the skin which makes him shiver and his fingers get bolder. the cute sounds that filled his ears were only making this even better for him.

the way your hips bucked up slightly into his touch—just asking for suguru to take you right then and there—was driving him insane. every vein in his body felt like it could pop with how much he was restraining his own self from acting out of line. his finger easily slid into the little hole and suguru almost couldn’t believe it; your pussy was clamping down on his finger, your insides tightly wrapped around him to the point that even he wouldn’t know if his dick would fit in.

“hnnngh, suguru, please— wan’ your cock already,” that dirty sounding sentence was one he didn’t expect to hear from a virgin. it made him shake his head with a small, delighted chuckle; you really never failed to surprise him.

“i know you do,” suguru purrs, pressing kisses against the curves of your tits whilst another finger of his joined to stretch your pussy out properly, “but i need to prep you enough if you wanna take my cock. can you be patient for me, sweetheart?”

“m’kay. gonna try..” his fingers pumped in and out of you, the feeling of them curling up deep inside you made your walls squeeze against them. you’ve played with yourself before, of course, however it was then that you discovered that nothing could ever compare to the real thing: suguru’s long and slightly girthy fingers.

just when you thought that it couldn’t get any better, you felt a third finger—not inside you--but on your clit, rubbing the small bundle of nerves like you could’ve never done to yourself. suguru was so precise and exact with his actions which showed his experience. that’s another reason of why you’ve put all your trust in him. getting your virginity taken by a sweet, older and experienced man was probably ten times better than losing it to any guy your age, who were probably only out for sex.

suguru was there to make love to you.

your back arched once you felt suguru’s fingers increase their pace, the wet and squelchy sounds echoing through the room as they got louder the more your pussy got played with, his thumb almost overstimulating your clit to the point of release already—that’s how superb your lover’s hand movements were.

“no, no. can’t have you cum on my fingers like that.” you whine once you felt suguru take his fingers back the same moment you were about to reach your first orgasm by someone else’s hands. the older man smirks at this and kisses you on the lips, pulling away slowly with your bottom lip between his teeth, letting it lightly flop back into place as he lets go; “i wanna have you cum together with me, okay?”

you couldn’t refuse such a romantic request, thus you nod. suguru smiles back at you once more before his hands move to take off his sweatpants, tossing the piece of clothing to the side. your eyes widened as you were propped on your elbows, gaze lingering on the massive bulge formed at the crotch area, his boxers not hiding much of the shape.

once the underwear was off as well—that’s when you realised that your underlying anxiousness was not for nothing. suguru’s cock sprung free, it was slightly curved near his pink tip, drops of pre-cum flowing down the length. you haven’t ever seen a dick in real life, only ever on the internet, so this had left you stunned. you didn’t know what the average size was for a man, but there’s one thing you knew for sure: suguru was definitely way above the average size.

“cat got your tongue, princess?” he teased, his hand absentmindedly pumping his cock to the sight of your naked body underneath him. suguru didn’t even know that he started doing that in front of you; it was out of pure instinct. he couldn’t hide the excitement in his body, his shaft twitching in his hand as if it desperately wanted to feel your tight cunt around it.

“uhm, s-suguru..” you stammer a bit, biting your lip as your eyes followed his hand motions which got faster once your sweet voice called out to him. something about you looking a tad bit intimidated by his size made him want to destroy your insides to mush—have you beg him to fuck you as he bullies his whole length into your poor, small cunt.

“i know, i know..” suguru reassures you, free hand giving you a few consoling head pats, “i’ll try to make it as less painful as possible, okay?”

you hum and watch how your lover settles between your legs, spreading them enough to kneel before you, upper body bending forward to place soft pecks on your forehead; he was encouraging and preparing you more in his own way.

your arms instantly wrapped around his back, sweaty palms set underneath his shoulder blades—you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, just waiting on that moment. that feeling you’ve been craving, yet also have been avoiding.

you waited for a bit, however the only sounds heard and sensations felt were the slight dent in the mattress near one side of your body, the bed creaking faintly. suguru was leaning on side of his body, one arm stretched out to open a drawer, apparently searching for a condom.

once you realised what he was doing, you shook your head and tapped his back twice to regain suguru’s attention. his gaze immediately flickered over to yours and his head tilted to the side in curiosity; “i want the full experience—no condom, please.”

his eyes widened at the request. you seemed to be dead serious, eyes glinting determinedly, lips forming a little pout— it was impossible to refuse you, although suguru knew that he had to play the role of the older, more wise and experienced lover in the back of his mind.

he parted his lips to list off the reasons why you should let him use a condom, yet the words died on his tongue. you were impossible to say ‘no’ to. not when you’re looking up at him with those pretty eyes.

“whatever princess wants, princess gets.”

suguru prodded your entrance with the fat head of his cock, circling the hole and wetting it more by using a mixture of his pre-cum and your own arousal. you took another deep breath and tried your best to hold tightly onto your boyfriend, arms wrapped tightly around his back with your face nuzzled in the crook of his neck—bracing for impact.

“tell me if it hurts too much,” suguru whispers in your ear, leaving one last kiss on your temples before pushing his hips forward, folds stretching out and apart to allow his cock through and into your pussy.

did it hurt like you expected? yes. it most certainly did. maybe even worse than you were prepared for.

“fuck— nhhh, fuckfuckfuck!” you hiss whilst your nails dig into the skin of suguru’s back, probably leaving red marks because of how much you’re clinging onto him—like your life depened on it. that’s quite literally what it felt like to you; body being forced to part and make way for suguru inside you, pussy feeling like it was burning by how big of a stretch it was to fit him in—if he actually would be able to push all of his inches into your tight hole.

“sshh, shh, it’s okay, try to relax for me, yeah?” your lover comforts you the best he could, stilling his movements for a couple seconds before gently slipping his cock further into you. it pained him to see the discomfort written over your face, however you hadn’t made any clear signs of wanting this to come to a halt. in fact, you were encouraging him to continue whenever he stopped at any indication of hurt.

“i can take it.. p-promise,” you manage to moan out. suguru breathed in deeply at your words and nodded, kissing your lips in hopes to distract you from any pain you’re feeling, “you’re too good to me, sweetheart. really.”

both of you exhaled deeply as suguru finally bottomed out, a long minute of reassurance and pushing now behind your back. your eyes had watered up a little, chest heaving as you tried to accommodate to the new feeling inside of you.

“take your time.” suguru utters gently, voice sultry and sweet whenever its directed at you. his lips graze against your cheeks, smothering the area with pecks to take your mind off anything else. the locks of black hair tickle your chin and nose, the hairtie that usually kept a good chunk of his hair in a bun now out of sight.

suguru hadn’t taken anyone’s virginity before and that’s what also made this opportunity special to him. he didn’t know how to thank you with words, so he showed his gratitude throughout his actions; lips kissing your shiny tears away, moving across your face to your forehead and eventually to your own round lips which had formed a cute pout.

you could feel suguru smile against your mouth, his tongue gently tracing the outline of your lips whilst mumbling words of affection and praise; “you’re taking it so well, baby. such a good girl for me— love you so much.”

you giggled lightly at your lover’s appreciative remarks, focusing on returning the kiss instead of the tingling feeling in your lower body. you pulled away after a bit and looked up at him with nothing but pure adoration; “i love you too, suguru.”

if suguru had the ability to freeze time, he’d want to do it during this moment, just to relive this bit over and over. he’s sure that this exact instant will be engraved into his memory for the many years to come.

and once you’ve given him the green light to move, he did it with caution, slowly but surely. his hips moved back and then forwards, girthy cock dragging along your walls at a leisurely pace, but just enough to make your pain transform into pleasure.

suguru’s big hands were placed on your hips, sometimes they’d leave their position to cup your chin and make you face him. he doesn’t want you to look away from his eyes; he’ll think you don’t like this if you do. besides, the thing he loves most about being in the missionary position, is that he’s able to hear how good he’s making you feel whilst looking into your eyes to see your face scrunch up in satisfaction. it’s so romantic and perfect. just like you.

“my little princess is so pretty.” suguru sighs in content and kisses your tears away, thrusting into your tight cunt in a comfortable pace—not too fast but not too slow, “the way you take my cock and still manage to look beautiful while doing it— you’re incredible.”

if the physical pleasure wasn’t enough, his added commentary would certainly be. you moan and whimper phrases that sound like his name over and over again; you didn’t know what else to say as your mind was foggy with the amazing sensations your body was experiencing for the first time. that was fine with suguru since all he wants was to see you enjoy yourself—this moment was for you. everything he did was for you—every thrust, every kiss, every touch.

“nhhg, too good, so good!” you mewl and leave more scratch marks across suguru’s back, ones which he didn’t mind at all. it only served as further proof of this special moment. the tip of his cock kissed the deepest parts of your insides, puffy folds parted widely to make room for more of his length until it felt like he actually was balls deep.

“mhm—you’re, haah, tight..” the once calm and collected man seemed to let loose of himself the more he felt your cunt swallow him all the way, gripping onto his dick as if you didn’t want to ever let go. suguru grunts and moves down to leave a couple hickeys across your neck, hips non-stop pushing against yours, “don’t think i can last long—fuck, yeah—you feel amazing, baby.”

your eyes roll back as the pleasure seems to build up in your stomach as well. it felt like a coil that threatened to snap at any moment and it’d release another immense wave of pleasure upon breaking. your body was on fire, sweaty and hot, just like suguru’s.

“can you cum with me, princess? can you wait and hold on for me?” he asks, and the questions sound impossible, however you could at least try your best to fulfil his desires. you’d also want nothing more than to reach your peak together with the man you loved.

“okay—mmhh—together.” you nod and your body tenses up, legs subconsciously moving to wrap around suguru’s waist, heels of your feet simultaneously tapping against his lower back along with his hip movements. you didn’t know how much longer you could hold out for as your breathing patterns changes, whiney gasps and choked up moans escaping the back of your throat as your clit bumps against his pelvis over and over.

“almost, almost—“ suguru curses through gritted teeth, his jaw clenching while yours did the opposite. your body rocked back and forth and the bed felt like it was shaking along as well. you could tell by the way suguru’s hips rolled against yours that he was close—his eyebrows were furrowed, eyes half-lidded but not closed to still hold contact with yours and his hands clutched onto your waist. all indications of his nearing climax.

“mnph, gonna cum— shit, shit, shit, i’m gonna cum—“ suguru swears under his breath a couple times more before snapping back into reality at the last few seconds. he realised once again that he didn’t have a condom on, so his first rational thought was to pull out and finish himself outside of your body.

you were also nearing your own orgasm, not thinking rationally due to the intensity of the moment, any other thoughts except for the man on top of you were thrown out of the window. you felt suguru try to pull his twitching and throbbing cock out before it could spurt its cum inside of your dripping cunt.

you whined and shook your head, pulling suguru in for a deep kiss while tightening the grasp your legs had around his hips; “w-want to feel you cum in me— want you to fill me up while i finish too.”

suguru’s breath caught in his throat, almost choking on his own saliva from your bold requests. his only rational thought instantly vanished from his mind, now all that’s left was pure love, pleasure and desire. the mental image of his cum spilling and filling your pussy to the brim drove him to the edge.

“all yours, i’m going to give it all to you, princess, yeah? fuck !” both of you relinquished in the feeling of bliss, the warmth and build up reaching its designated ending— the expected waves of pleasure washing over you both. series of soft moans, whimpers and groans filled the room as your pussy was flooded with lots of hot cum.

it was like suguru hadn’t came in years—that’s how incredible that orgasm was experienced by the dark-haired male. the same thing goes for you; your legs were shaking, hips squirming up in aftershocks as you squeezed down on suguru’s cock, quite literally milking him dry of every drop.

“nhh, haah— suguru, love,” your tired and powerless whispers caught his attention immediately. your trembling hand held onto his cheek in attempt to make him look at you. suguru’s fingers curled around your wrist, turning your hand away from his face and to the side so he’ll have access to your palm. his lips left a ticklish trail of pecks on them until his mouth found its home: your lips.

the two of you exchanged deep, exhausted breaths, your boyfriend eventually pulling out and rolling onto his side to cradle you into his arms—hand placed on the back of your head to rest your body against his chest. the following seconds were spent cuddling as you tried to regain composure.

“you were amazing.” suguru sighs, chin resting on top of your head whilst his hand rubbed your bare back in comfort, “are you okay, sweetheart? nothing feeling off or anything of that sorts?”

you shake your head and snuggle up against your lover, content with how things are right now. the afterglow of your little session—of your first time, made you happier than ever. you couldn’t believe it’d feel this good. maybe it’s due to the one you’ve lost your virginity to.

“i’m okay.” you mumble and lift your head up to look suguru in the eyes, faces only inches away from each other. there were no words in the dictionary that could describe how you two felt. the closest word to explain it would be flawless.

“i’m glad, baby. thank you for trusting me.” suguru flashes you a small smile and strokes your head. you stay like that, bodies intertwined in a deep and comfortable hug, whispers of sweet nothings filling your ears and subtle gestures of love making you feel secure.

a couple minutes later and suguru noticed how you started to doze off. he chuckled to himself before pulling away from your hug and standing up, only to have you pout and complain about the loss of warmth.

“i’m just going to clean you up, love.” the soft-spoken man utters to you, laughing quietly at the adorable state you were in at the moment. you were so dependent on him.

“should i prepare us a warm, relaxing bubble bath as well?” he asks, squatting down near the edge of his bed and taking your hands in his, maintaining eye contact as per usual.

“that’d be nice.” you nod and feel your eyelids close slowly, “can’t promise i won’t fall asleep, though.”

suguru lets out a soft exhale through his nose, corner of his lips curling upwards at your little comment. he couldn’t believe he ended up dating such an unbelievably wonderful girl. it’s a blessing in his life of curses.

“i’ll make sure to at least clean you up if you do fall asleep, don’t worry. you’re safe with me.”

you were sure he was an angel sent down from heaven. it was more than clear to you—even if it may not be to many others out there.

“thank you, suguru.” you murmur as your body relaxes into the soft mattress, “i love you.”

“i love you too. more than you could imagine.”

#ෆ : choose your fate.#jjk smut #jjk x reader #geto smut #geto x reader #jjk x you #geto x you #getou suguru x reader #jjk fic

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hannieehaee · 2 months

Note

i dont know if u accept smut reqs but if u don’t please ignore my ask and i’m so sorry for overstepping!!

but could i please req a hard dom!seungkwan who teaches u a lesson at home after u couldn’t stop whining and begging for him at dinner with ur friends?

18+ / mdi

content: dom!seungkwan, afab reader, teasing, smut, oral (m receiving), letc.

wc: 1399

a/n: im so sorry i took so long to finish this!!! ive been trying to make time for all reqs so its taking a while to get them all out T-T anyways thank u for requesting and i hope u enjoy!!

masterlist

it was common for seungkwan to bring you along whenever he had dinner with the members. it had kind of become a tradition to have dinner together at least once a month, with the members' respective significant others tagging along.

you had been part of the crew for a while, having been dating seungkwan for an extended period of time by now. you were practically just another friend to the members at this point, making all of you quite comfortable with one another.

maybe too comfortable.

seungkwan always thought of you as a well-behaved girl. not even in a dirty way or anything. he just knew you were never the type to act out in public or to purposely become a nuance to him. yes, you would banter with him sometimes, but it was always in good faith and never really went anywhere. sure, you'd often tease him in the bedroom and take advantage of your effect on him time after time, but this always remained behind closed doors.

which was why seungkwan was quite shocked at the way in which you had suddenly decided to behave.

you weren't being too obvious about it, keeping your brattiness between you and himself. it started with a few touches far too high on his thigh, followed by raunchy comments hidden behind a cough. then it evolved into lustful eyes staring down on his own whenever no one was looking.

it even manifested itself into you cornering him on your way to the bathroom as he came back from a bathroom break himself.

you'd planted a steamy kiss on his lips and felt him up in a very unseemly way before letting him know you 'wanted his cock so fucking bad' and making your merry way to the bathroom as he walked back to the table completely flustered. it then (unsurprisingly) proceeded into a text message received by seungkwan a few moments later, a message containing your bare breasts and a look in your eye that he only ever saw between the sheets. except you weren't between his sheets. you were at the restaurant's bathroom, making a fool of him with a mere picture.

that was more or less where seungkwan felt it'd be appropriate to put his foot down. he was never good at resisting you, and he knew that adding the extra layer of being surrounded by his members would only make him break sooner or later. so he decided to throw you a curveball and storm after you in the bathroom, coughing out an excuse of 'forgot my wallet in the restroom' to the other guys before sneaking his way into the hallway leading to the restroom. that's where he found you making your way back to the table before wordlessly dragging you to one of the spacious gender neutral stalls and locking the door.

immediately pushing you up against the wall, he practically growled out his next words.

"you wanted me to embarrass myself out there, huh? knowing i dont know how to act any time you tease me," he assessed, knowing he was right by your shocked expression.

you clearly were expecting him to crumble and make up some weak excuse in order to take you home as you smirked next to him, giving the members clear indication of who begged for who in the relationship. but he decided to turn things on you and give you a taste of your own medicine, maybe show you what it was like to get on your knees for your beloved.

"no, i-"

"did i say you could speak? good girls stay quiet til i tell them do speak. do you understand?", his hands went to run up and down your body, making a game plan of how he was going to take you.

"y-yes."

"good girl. now ..."

his eyed drifted down to your cleavage, reminding him of the dirty picture you had sent him earlier.

without a second thought, his hands grabbed onto your cleavage and forcefully pulled it down, ripping a bit at the arms of your dress before diving right to your tits, mouth open and willing.

"k-kwannie, what are you-"

he ignored your gasp, simply adding more force to the suckling of your breasts, using his arms to push up your hips against his own as he began to grind against you. his groans and your gasps were the only thing that could be heard in the empty restroom.

after getting his fill of your tits in his mouth, he became too frustrated by the mere friction he felt at the grinding of your hips, opting instead to guide you into a kneeling position in front of him.

"you're gonna be a good girl and take care of the problem you caused, right, baby?", he looked down at you with indescribable lust in his gaze.

"yes, kwannie ... want it in my mouth so bad," you begged, licking at him through his pants while you gave him the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen.

in any other occasion, this would've had him on his knees, begging for your mouth around his dick and crying as he felt the barest touch, but today he had to prove a point.

"stop messing around and get my cock out. don't make me repeat myself," he didn't recognize himself as he ordered you around, but he liked the shudder he saw go through you at his demanding tone.

without complaint, you hurriedly undid his pants and brought his boxers down, immediately getting to work as you licked and kissed at his tip.

he threw his head back at your teasing, unable to reprimand you for it. it just felt so fucking good.

luckily for both you and him, this didn't last long. before even realizing it, you were already gagging on as much of his cock as you could get into your mouth, looking up at him with furrowed brows as you wordlessly begged him. he was confused as to what you were begging for at first, only realizing what you meant when you brought his hands behind your head, slightly making him push your head forward and- oh.

was this what you wanted? was this what you'd been after all along?

you wanted him to take control and use you for his pleasure. fuck.

he almost came at the realization, until realizing that he'd much rather cum after fucking your mouth until you cried.

he began pistoling his hips against your mouth, moaning as you let yourself become his pretty fleshlight while he groaned at both the sight and feeling. maybe you weren't a bad behaved girl after all. maybe all you wanted was him to take his frustrations out on you and use you like the pretty doll you were.

or at least he hoped this was the case, because he was already addicted.

"pretty thing ... oh, fuck. such a pretty thing for me to use, aren't you? gonna cum in your mouth, okay? gonna fill you up and you're gonna swallow it all for me, yeah?", he mumbled between moans, knowing his end would come faster than expected.

and he was right. his orgasm took over just moments later, with his hands dragging your head up and down his cock while his hips thrust into your awaiting mouth. he completely lost himself as his orgasm washed over him, making him lose all sense of his surroundings and almost disregard your gagging as he filled your mouth.

he pulled away moments after, crying out in painful pleasure when you still managed to suckle on his sensitive tip as he pulled himself out of your mouth.

he let himself fall down against the wall, now sitting at your level as he tried to catch his breath.

"i hate you," he groaned between breaths.

"yeah. i believe that. you just fucked my mouth like you wanted me dead," you chuckled as you also attempted to regulate your breathing.

"wasn't that what you wanted?", he quirked an eyebrow at you.

"maybe."

"you menace," he chuckled despite his words.

"you like it," you got close enough to him to land a sweet peck on his lips.

"i wont when we have to go out there and explain what we were doing this whole time."

"i got my fill of cock, nothing else matters."

he'd been completely wrong. you were absolutely not a well-behaved girl.

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #svt fanfic #svt x reader #seventeen #seventeen imagine #svt #seventeen oneshot #seventeen smut #svt smut #seungkwan scenarios #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan smut #seungkwan fanfic

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bucklovesyou · 1 year

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NOPE kissing preferences

pairings: oj haywood x reader, em haywood x reader, angel torres x reader, ricky "jupe" park x reader

synopsis: just me rambling about how they'd kiss you :)

warnings: slight bit of angst for jupe but i think that's it. if you need something tagged, dont hesitate to let me know

a/n: hi hello this isnt my first fic for nope but it's my first one on my new account. one of my favorite movies fr. feel free 2 send any requests u have <3

oj would be hesitant to kiss you at first. he's not used to romantic gestures, as he hasn't dated much before you, and doesn't really know how to go about it. your first kiss was while he was watching you do the dishes. he asked you rather bluntly if he can kiss you and after you got over your initial shock and nearly dropped a mug you said yes. he was tense and clumsy the first few kisses you shared with him so you gently guide him and tell him what you like.

once he gets it down, though, his kisses are always sweet and passionate. he uses them to show that he loves you when he doesn't feel like using words. his favorite places to kiss you are on the lips and forehead. kisses on the lips feel more meaningful to him and he feels like they convey his feelings more than any other type of kisses. his forehead kisses come from times of silliness when you're having a giggling fit in his arms and he's grinning ear to ear and he ducks his head down to give you a sloppy kiss on the head, only causing you to giggle more.

em is more experienced and confident than her brother and will kiss you silly (after checking to see if you're okay with it first, of course !) she first kisses you when she drops you off after a date. it's night and she thinks you look so pretty with the moonlight shining on your face. she asks you if she can kiss you and you laugh and say yes so she gently presses her lips to yours. when she leaves, it's with a skip in her step and you laugh from your porch as she whoops and pumps her fist in the air.

after that, kisses are often. she mostly kisses you in passing like when she walks behind the couch you're sitting on she'll lean down and kiss your cheek or when you're both giddy and excited she'll squeeze you in a hug and pepper kisses all over your face. her favorite places to kiss you are on the cheek and on the nose. she loves how you squeal and giggle when she sneaks up and kisses you on the cheek or how you tighten your hold on her when she squishes her face against yours. nose kisses are more intimate to her and she loves watching your nose scrunch up when she kisses there. when you're on the verge of sleep she'll press a kiss to your nose and rub her thumb over your cheek until you fall asleep.

angel is a hopeless romantic and will fantasize about your first kiss immediately after your first date. he wants it to be perfect because he genuinely cares about you and feels like you have a connection. his vision falls apart, however, as angel is a mess and so is your first kiss with him. you were both on a date and everything was going to hell. the wait was long, he accidentally knocked your drink over and it spilled on you, the food came out cold. he felt pathetic but you reassured him it was fine and the two of you went to waffle house afterwards. he opened up about how upset and disappointed in himself he was for letting the night go so badly and you comforted him. one thing led to another and you kissed him. he was over the moon and the bad date quickly turned into the best date ever in his opinion.

he's still nervous kissing you even after your first kiss with him. you can tell when he wants to kiss you but is too shy to initiate because he stares at your lips and bashfully looks away when you notice him. ask him if he wants a kiss and he'll smush his face against yours immediately. he gets better about working up the nerve to kiss you casually but he still gets shy about lip kisses since they feel so special and intimate to him. speaking of, lip kisses are his favorite because it makes him feel so lucky to have you in his life and being able to share something like that with you. he also likes when you kiss his knuckles or the back of his hand. he always rolls his eyes when you do but he fails to suppress his grin.

jupe's first kiss with you was sorrowful and full of longing. it was the first time he really opened up to you about his childhood and although he didn't mention much, it was enough to cause him distress. you comforted him, of course, and when he pulled back from clinging onto you he pressed his lips onto yours. you kissed him back. his lips were salty from his tears and he apologized for spilling his guts to you all of a sudden but you reassured him that that's what partners are for and that he doesnt need to hide his pain from you.

from then on, jupe kisses you casually and sweetly. he's so much happier now that he has a shoulder to cry on and help him process his thoughts. he'll come up and pepper kisses all over your face before resting his head in the crook of your neck or he'll get excited and give you a quick peck on the lips before rambling about whatever it was he wanted to talk about. his favorite places to kiss you are on the nose and on your lips. he likes how you look up at him all shy from under your lashes as he kisses your nose and how you scoff and look away before shoving him. when it comes to kissing you on the lips, he loves how it can have different meanings. it can be fun and silly or deep and loving.

#oj haywood x reader #em haywood x reader #emerald haywood x reader #angel torres x reader #ricky park x reader #ricky “jupe” park x reader #jupe park x reader #jupe x reader

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mshroom1e · 1 year

Note

Hello! It's my first time requesting but I loved ur azul fic omg. Can I please have azul x gn! Reader where azul maybe comforts the reader because they can see they're really tired and always sleeping in and just not feeling all that great mentally. (Depression episode I suppose) if you dont want to write something depressing that's alr! Then maybe just like headcanons of napping with azul u can make it crack if u want I dont mind. Whatever ur comfortable with! If u like neither feel free to not do this request that's alr. Thank you :) have a good day and week ♡

Hello, thank you so much for the request!! I'm sorry it took so long for me to answer but I hope you enjoy it. I really liked writing the hcs stuff and can't wait to do more of them in the future. Finally, I hope I did well portraying how Yuu feels throughout this.

type: fanfic/hcs

Summary: Yuu hasn't been feeling the best and Azul tries his best to help with feeling better. Comfort, followed by some headcanons.

1.3k words

tags: reader receiving comfort, fluff

Warning(s): Depressive Episode

Life at NRC was rough. Everything went as swimmingly as a house on fire and you were completely drained. Exhausted.

Getting out of bed was much more of a hassle than it should've been. You were constantly exhausted, already having had enough of the day despite it just being started. No matter how much you tried, your body wouldn't cooperate and just flop back onto the bed. You were late to class on most mornings, and on the days you did manage to make it on time, you were in a vicious battle with sleep and always seemed to lose. The persistent tiredness and overall low mood made you feel, to put it plainly, like absolute shit.

On one particular morning, you couldn't find it in yourself to get out of bed. Virtually, you had given up. All that was left of your little remaining willpower diminished. Dissipated.

Azul noticed the lack of your presence instantly. He usually passed by you in hallways before class, always smiling at you or greeting you as you crossed paths. It was unusual to never see you at all during the day. He realised your worsening mental and physical conditions a few days before you didn't show up at school, but thought it was just him seeing it as no one else he asked seemed to notice at all. He was extremely worried, but for the life of him, he couldn't think of what to do to help you in any good way.

Concern for you became full-fledged worry as you were nowhere to be seen at the Mostro Lounge. About a week prior, you promised Azul that you would meet up with him at the lounge to spend some time together once it closed as you were both too busy to see each other during the day. At first, he thought it was just a simple case of being stood up on a date, but something inside him told him it was something more than that. Something he needed to help with.

So that's why Azul found himself in front of the rickety Ramshacke dorm, a bag of bits and bobs in tow, all gathered to make you feel better. The outside door was unlocked, which made sense as it was still during the day. He let himself into the dorm's entrance, greeting the air as he entered.

"Pardon the intrusion..." Azul gently pushed your bedroom door with his foot, arms full of all the items he brought in the hopes of making you feel better.

He carried mostly snacks, medicine, in case you were sick, blankets, a few oversized clothes since he knew how much you loved wearing them, and other things he thought you might need.

The human-sized lump under the covers of your bed was enough to tell Azul where you had been the whole day. His shoulders slumped as he set down the bags and carefully approached you.

You lay on your side, face almost completely covered by your blanket. You weren't even able to muster the strength to greet Azul when he walked into the room as you stared straight ahead, eyes glazed over and staring at nothing.

"Yuu?" He called out your name and placed himself on a spot next to you on the medium sized bed, the mattress slowly dipping under the new mass on top of it.

If Azul was being completely honest with himself, he had no idea what to do. He was so used to only relating with the majority of his peers due to his deals and other shady business that he gained such little emotional intelligence.

When you didn't reply, he settled for placing a hand on where he assumed your shoulder was, as if to let his prescence be known by you and for you to know that you weren't alone anymore.

Azul sat with you for a few minutes before you reached out of the blanket bundle and softly wrapped your hands around his torso, pulling him towards you in some sort of awkward hug. His eyes widened a fraction before he relaxed and allowed you to hold him.

There was a little more awkward shuffling before you ended up with your head on his shoulder and hands clutching onto the back of his uniform tightly. He leaned back onto the headboard and let your body weight rest on himself. He figured he would just wait until you were happy enough to start talking, so he slowly rubbed circles on your back as he felt his shoulder become damp.

Your silent tears became sniffles and sobs as you could finally release all the emotional constipation you felt. As you cried, you practically latched onto Azul like a koala, hugging him as you imagined Floyd would "squeeze" people.

His body was more cool than warm. Frequent hugs and touches with Azul taught you that his body didn't regulate its own heat at all, meaning he was always cold to the touch and today was no exception. Despite the chilling cold, he was still comfortable to lean against. His lack of warmth was made up by your own.

After your sobs and sniffles reduced, you pulled away from Azul, your face a few inches away from his and your eyes looking to the side.

"I'm sorry..." you started, "about all this."

Azul's eyes softened. He felt something inside him sting at the state you were in. To him, you were a beacon of light. Your presence was enough to give him a reason to keep going. Always managing to shine brightly despite whatever life threw at you. But no pillar lasts forever. Even the most formidable were due to crumble sooner or later. However, it can remain standing and in good condition when taken care of and supported in the correct way. And that was exactly what Azul was going to do.

He may not have the best way with words outside his deals and shady transactions, but he knew he could support you by listening and doing his best to take care of you until you were able to pick yourself back up and continue being as brilliant as you always were.

Azul would be so awkward but try his best when comforting someone.

Awkward back pats all the way

I imagine that he wouldn't say much, but his comforting actions are enough to make his s/o feel a lot better.

Definitely cancells whatever he's doing to make time to spend with you.

He'd have a list somewhere of all the things you like. From your favourite snacks to what takes your mind off things the most.

He wouldn't blatantly ask about your likes though, he'd probably watch the way you interact with things for a while and then ask you if you like those certain things.

Speaking of his list, he has a cute notebook dedicated to you since studying is what he does best.

He would use his cooking skills to make your favourite comfort dish.

Would smile genuinely when you compliment his cooking but would try to hide it behind smirking while adjusting his glasses, like he usually does.

Once you're done eating, you would play board games together and watch your eyes light up with a huge dopey smile on his face.

He'd maybe lose on purpose just to see you cheer up after gaining a victory. He might do that once in a while but don't expect him to always go easy on you, especially when you notice him letting you win or if you love competition.

Sucks at acting so you can definitely tell when he's pretending to lose

Is pretty good at hugs

His body feels cold to the touch, because octopus, but its a comforting kind of cold he radiates.

If you're shorter, he places his head on top of yours when you lean against him and if you're taller, you rest your head on his shoulder or he rests his head on yours.

"You have absolutely nothing to apogise for. You deserve so much for all that you've done and I wish that whatever appreciation that others don't show you, you should be the one to show yourself."

#gn reader #twisted wonderland #twst fanfic #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #azul x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul twisted wonderland #azul twst #twst hcs #twst #twst azul #azul ashengrotto #fanfic

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cupcakeslushie · 1 year

Note

hi lovely how r u?👋🏽

ok so im very new here but i did binge a good chunk of the separated au tag yesterday soooo needless to say it's been on my mind all day (plus that oneshot that someone wrote of donnie's pov and meeting mikey and raph did NOT help) but all this to say..

i don't remember the exact wording so apologies if im mis-paraphrasing but i believe in one post u said that au!donnie is a lot more uhhh "affection seeking" than canon donnie?

do u possibly hav sketches of what that would look like? is he less touch averse than canon donnie or does he just perceive, receive and search for "affection" in a different way? cuz if he is more physically affection i will in fact pass away😭. and as an avid disaster twins enjoying i am more curious in this aspect of him i regards to au!leo specifically🙏 (ig this is just me requesting said sketches if not. BUT OFC U DONT HAV TO IM JUST CURIOUS) anywyas i love ur brain this au is everything🥹🤝🏽

Hello I’m doing very well! 👋🏻

He still very much has canon!Donnie’s texture hangups and he’s often uncomfortable when things get “real”, but here he is very very very affectionate with his family. (I know I’ve said this before, but I don’t 100% buy that canon Donnie is as touch averse as the movie made him, since in the show he initiates hugs and often leans into group hugs. I think he believes he’s got to grumble to keep up his bad boy image, but for the most part he secretly loves getting hugs from his family but that’s just me. I could totally be wrong in that assessment. Anyways! Back to Sep!Donnie)

At first his displays of affection are very much over the top and performative because he doesn’t really know how positive touch works, but this boy craves any kind of hugs, head pats, and turtle piles he can get. Plus, here he has no bad boy image to maintain so he has no problem seeking out any and all forms of affection from his fam.

I’m kind of realizing I’ve sorta swapped him and Leo’s personalities to a degree lol. Sep!Leo is kind of the aloof-thinks-they’re-the-bad-boy, but awkward with displays of affection one, while Sep!Donnie is the one craving validation and attention 🤣

I don’t have any disaster twins sketches atm but I promise you won’t be wanting for that type of scenario very often as I tend to do more fluffy ideas in between the angst of comic updates (Feral Leo AU not withstanding lol 😝) -❤️

#separated au #ask slushie #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt separated au #rise of the tmnt

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okthatsgreat · 7 months

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new opddmh updates..... like. three of them. crazy. haven't been keeping up as well as usual (acting stuff and work tag teaming my free time and absolutely destroying it) but i have finally started to binge and i truly truly love what u r doing w makoto and miu. so different but still connecting on an in-depth level and balancing eachother out ....... sometimes a relationship is an ex-reality show killing game figurehead and the world's worst teenager fresh out of the hospital against the world. do u have any insights on the way u write relationships and connections or just them in specific that come to mind bc oh my god. please do tell

HELLO AGAIN :]!!! AND HAHAHAH THATS ALL GOOD ive been so busy also FINGERS CROSSED IM ABLE TO GET MY UPDATE SCHEDULE ON TRACK LOL

TALKING ABOUT THIS FIC!!! :] big ole ramble down below lol

(i use the word "partner" a lot here but just know i am not referring to strictly romantic relationships lol)

OHHH GOD. relationship writing advice HMM HMMMMM. it really is very complex bc there are SO many different types of relationships that can be written about ghfdgjh so advice definitely varies!!! i think something helpful that i've learned is that unless you are purposefully examining power dynamics it always helps to view both sides as fully realised characters. very very rarely do you want to have a character who is solely there to agree with their second half and have no personality or history outside of this. i see this happen a LOT with romantic pairings but it's also an important note for platonic pairings as well!! ESPECIALLY if the main focus of the story is on this specific pairing-- it shouldnt feel like one person is a human being while the other is a cardboard cutout whose only purpose is to be there for their partner. again there ARE a few exceptions to this and how it is portrayed but its the main rule i like to stick to!! :]

if i feel like ive written a character who is solely there for their partner something immediate i go to is giving both characters something that separates them!! most of the time this includes fleshing out a backstory thats different from their partner, that might influence the way they see things within the narrative. give them a different hobby, maybe a different friend group! give them a different perspective on the events that are unfolding, a different way of coping that might not be beneficial to their partner!! and remember that it is OKAY for them to not agree on everything!!!! do not be frightened into thinking you need every single relationship in your story to be perfect and unproblematic and completely agreeable, especially for longer narratives that call for conflict

OH AND IN REGARDS TO FANFICTION... piece of advice i try to follow is donttttt try to mold characters into entirely different people just so they can stay happy and agreeable with their partner lol. if theres tension theres tension!! if theyre petty then theyre petty!!!!! even if there isnt conflict and youre writing fluff, you dont have to erase their personalities just to fit them together as a happy couple! sometimes the challenge in writing comes from finding what happiness means for that specific character/pairing, and that may be very different from the typical idea of romance/happiness!!

AND NOW ON TO MAKOTO AND MIU first of all. i am so sorry for making you read paragraphs upon paragraphs of me just rambling nonsense at you GHFDKGSH BUT I APPRECIATE IT!!! and second of all this technicallllyyyy is advice i guess but its WAY more specific now!!! lol

anyways when it comes to writing their relationship most of their dynamic is based off of their differences! opddmh miu is brash and loud, and even though she is trying more and more to filter what she says she still speaks before she thinks and grows restless very easily. opddmh makoto on the other hand cant afford to be brash and loud and thinks quite a lot before he says anything, and is lot visibly calmer. so its fun examining how their differences are able to influence the other throughout the fic!!!! miu NEEDED that calming influence considering the state she was in when makoto found her, i quite frankly have no idea where the hell she would be now if makoto hadnt been so patient and understanding ghfdksghkf. makoto on the other hand is a man chained down by responsibility, so much so that his life has become extremely dull in his eyes just because of how repetitive it has started to become. miu is a serious change to this and offers him some kind of purpose while also reminding him of not only how SCARED he was as a teenager first exiting the simulator but also how unrestrained he had been before the years went by. theres a balance there!!!

but at the same time, there ARE some similarities. theyre both a bit paranoid, and even if miu is more willing to be vocal about her distaste theyre both scared of danganronpa as a company. they also both strive for some kind of peace, even if they have different versions of it-- makoto wishes to be unburdened by the weight of responsibility and his Ultimate Hope persona while miu wishes for stability in her relationships with others, even if she just isnt the best at it. its why i like writing small moments such as the two of them just sitting in the car and chatting or the most recent moment where theyre not talking at all but are still comfortable in each others company-- they dont explicitly tell the other that theyre super happy and at peace but they both subconsciously understand :)

OKAY CUTTING MYSELF OFF!!!! GFHDGFDJ THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <33

#ask lee #kozuelovemail #opddmh

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dootiexcupcake · 1 year

Text

Test Your Might !

Pairing: Sunoo x fem!reader [shao kahn player!Sunoo x Jade player!reader💀]

tags: gamer!sunoo, gamer!reader, fluff, first meetings, bullet point fic, mortal kombat players, two nerds in loveeee, bad attempts at flirting cuz i'm corny

Warnings: reader is a bit dumb when it comes to online safety but for the most part, none (let me know if i am perhaps missing something tho!)

A/N: i think it is extremely important to state that i have never played a single game of MK in my life💀💀💀. I just like reading/watching cutscene movies of the lore, gameplay, and characters. So if smth is wrong...thats why loool.

TL;DR OP is using this as a way to mix her two hyperfixiations into one thing

• you're a Jade main who, although is not considered a "professional gamer", can handle yourself pretty well in an online match

• after going thru several players and mopping the floor with them you match up with a Shao Kahn player

• username: "handsome_starr"

• "cheesy" you cant help but chuckle at the name and assume this to be a easy fight against someone who isn't above the age of 10

• as soon as the round starts you're immediately backed into a corner by a barrage of combo attacks from the other player

• suddenly straightening up in your seat your grip on the controller gets tighter as your health gets lower and lower with each brutal attack of the heavy weights hammer

• you finally got yourself grounded enough to land a few critical hits to him but it wasn't enough to save you. and before you know it, you hear those familiar words

• "finish her!"

• you feel your nose twitch in irritation as the player throws in a taunt at the end of the 1st round

• "How disappointing." Shao Kahn wags a finger in front of him as the 2nd round begins

• usually you would roll your eyes at the use of the taunt, but with this particular player...

• you welcome the challenge

• the second round begins and once again "handsome_starr" releases a flurry of attacks that leaves you in the corner completly at his mercy

• dont get it wrong, you have played as shao kahn before. you know his combos, fatalities, general move set, etc. you're no stranger to the character.

• but the way this player managed to move this heavy character around so swiftly was something you couldn't wrap your head around

• thankfully you've wised up by now, so you dodge Jade out of the way before Shao Kahn lands a devastating blow with his war hammer

• the match ends with "starr" getting the victory, much to your dismay

• naturally, you rematch with the player and you two go at it for way longer than you both realize

• after the 3rd or 4th rematch you get a notification at the top left corner of your TV screen

• "handsome_starr sent you a friend request"

• you exit out of the game momentarily and accept the pending request

• as soon as the action goes through you receive a message from your new friend

• "gg"

• short, sweet, and to the point. nice

• "u 2" you reply

• "I like ur play style w/ Jade. its cool !"

• your mouth curled up into a smirk, pride swelling up in your chest at the compliment. you decided to return the favor to him and give him some very much needed credit as well

• "thx. ur rly rly good w/ shao k."

• time once again slips past you two as you talk over the system chatroom for what seems like mere minuets. But when you glance at the display clock on screen it shows that a few hours have passed

• how you both managed to type for such a long time using game controllers is beyond anyone

• this quickly becomes a thing between you guys

• you power on your console, play some games, get a notif from starr asking to play MK11, then go back and forth in the mobile chatroom (you learned from last time)

• you also learned that starr isnt just an amazing shao kahn player but he's an even better spawn player too

• one day while the two of you are chatting after a particularly good match (you decimated him in all 3 matches. props to you being a quick learner and spotting his patterns) starr ask a question you weren't quite expecting

• "socials?"

• you stared at the screen for a second as you realized what starr meant by that. why did you never think of this before?

• you thought about every middle school online safety video you were shown as a kid

• well...starr doesn't seem like a murderer who will stalk you so..

• "ya, heres my ig:"

•was it stupid to give your personal social media account to someone you've only known for a few months? yeah

• was it even more stupid if you also didn't even know the guys first name?...yeh

• but you didn't get much time to think through all the logic behind your reasonings as you accepted his follow request

• you were absolutely baffled as you saw pictures of who you assume is starr

• how is it possible that this is the same person who mains such brash and gruesome characters? starr looks so...much different than you imagined

• to be honest, you weren't exactly sure what to expect

• but the first thing that came to your mind when you imagined a shao kahn and spawn player was definitely not the cute and seemingly innocent face of the male smiling in these photos displayed in front of you

• it was a good different though!

• a very good different...

• starr sends you a dm through instagram while you were looking through his page

• "ur name is y/n?"

• "ya thats me" you mentally facepalm when you realize you didn't even check to find his real name.

• you look at his profile again and read his bio

• "kim sunoo?"

• "yup thats me ^^ " comes the reply from the other end

• starr..well, sunoo always used little emojis at the end of his sentences when you guys would speak but, you're not sure why it comes off as so cute this time around..

• you shake the thought off as soon as it comes, 'really? falling for the guy as soon as you see a picture of him? you're better than that y/n!' you mentally scold yourself as you try to get your senses together

• sunoo send a picture of you in chat, which confused you but also brung on a small pang of anxiety.

• "this is you??"

• you swallowed down harshly and replied back with confirmation

• "woah..ur rly pretty :o "

• you wanted to throw your phone out of your window and never talk to sunoo ever again

• you felt your whole body heat up at the unexpected compliment and hid your goofy smile from no one in your empty room

• "thx. ur not too bad yourself haha"

• "oh thanks, that means a lot coming from you ~"

• huh, you give a guy your ig page and he suddenly takes a flirty 180

• "dude ur cute ! dont even try it lol"

• "haha 😅"

• sunoo sends another picture of you in chat, but luckily your heart doesnt beat as nervously this time around

• "woa! you cosplay!?"

• ah, how could you forget about that post

• you were at a convention posing dramatically as one of your favorite characters

• "lol yeah i dont do it *all* the time but since i was attending that con i decided to go all out, ya know?"

• "wow! as if you couldn't get any cuter.."

• you huffed out a laugh through your nose and shook your head at his message

• "heh, ur down bad sunoo"

• of course you were too. but sunoo did NOT need to know that...

main m.list | enha m.list

#kim sunoo x reader #sunoo x reader #kim sunoo x y/n #kim sunoo x you #kim sunoo fluff #enha fluff #enha x reader #enha headcanons #enhypen sunoo x reader #enhypen sunoo fluff #enhypen sunoo imagines #gamer!reader #gamer!sunoo

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fishybehavior · 2 years

Text

I've been wanting to make this for awhile, for the new people coming into my fandom but for anyone who's new in general

Now I am a newer Tumblr user (I joined in 2020 what a year) but I know how to get around here on the ole tumbles so if you are new and wondering "what the fuck is all this?" I'll show u a few tips

---

now the first thing I'd honestly recommend is to get involved with some kind of fandom. You don't have to be super into anything, but finding people who like things similar to you is a great way to start making friends! And honestly we have a fandom for almost anything, if u aren't into anything now you can probably look up any tv show or movie you watched in the last 20 years and someone will have made a post of it!

You don't have to be involved in a fandom but its a good way to meet people and see how we interact casually with one another if you are lurking for a little bit to learn

---

Now, second piece of advise, your blog.

Tumblr is a blogging site, and what you are probably used to refering ur profile, we call our blogs. It has ur pfp, header pic, maybe a couple of lines introducing urself, and then all of ur posts.

First thing I recommend is to change ur pfp, a lot of people base if u are a bot or not is if u use the default image as ur pfp. I suggest a character u like, an animal, a color, a flower, anything u like. I must warn you that I don't recommend u use ur own face. Number 1 some of the appeal of tumblr is anonymity, but 2, there are other bot blogs (such as porn blogs) that use real people as their pfp, and so some people may block u on site.

Now under your pfp you can put a couple of sentences in you blog, you can use this for anything. A lot of people put their preferred pronouns or maybe their age, or what fandoms their into, or maybe their patrons, or other blogs they run. What I recommend is that you dont put any personal info in here, especially if u are a minor. Don't specify ur age if your under like 18-21, if your under that just put minor.

---

next i want to talk about is cultivating your experience

Now you dont have to do this right away but if there is certain types of content that you know you don't like or you find triggering I suggest doing this. On Tumblr we use tags to organize our posts as well as to warn. You can block certain tags in your settings.

press this button on the top right of ur page (if you are on desktop, if on mobile it'll be the bottom right

then in the drop-down menu select Settings, then go to Account, then scroll down until you see the header, "Content you see"

(on mobile once you hit the lil person icon on your bottom right, hit the gear on the top right of you screen, then fo down until u see "Content you see, it'll take you to the same thing)

here you can block tags and filter content. There are two types of filtering, by tags and by content. By tags only will block posts by the tags they have, while content blocking will look through the entire post for blocked words or phrases.

I personally use blocked tags more but do whichever works for you. If you are going to block tags there are certain types of things to keep in mind.

For one, we use warning tags. Tags that are put in posts specifically to warn people of certain content that we know can be triggering. For warning tags there are three main ways that people tag them (there are more but these are very common), tw dogs, cw dogs, dogs . Now I'm using dogs as an example tag, but the preface of tw (trigger warning) and cw (content warning) are very common, and if you want to block a certain trigger i suggest that you block both of these along with just the word by itself. (Also spelling does count)

this works similarly with content blocking, but u dont use tw or cw. Just put down the words or phrases that you dont want to see.

now when you block a post u don't ever see it, rather it appears on your dash like this

it blocks out the whole post, tells you what tags or content that appeared for it to be blocked, and gives you a choice if you would like to see it anyways. This is how blocked posts will appear and you wont see the post at all unless you decide to view the post for yourself.

---

i think this is where I'm going to leave it for now, might reblog with more info in the future. But there are plenty of other posts with other info about how tumblr works and how to maneuver this site. I hope you find this helpful and that you enjoy your experience on this site 👋

#tumblr tips #introduction to tumblr #how to tumblr #tumblr

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hella1975 · 2 years

Note

I'm writing this ask as I read the new update so here, we go.

Initial reaction to the first two paragraphs: Absolutely immaculate. Perfection. Incredible. All the praise. I read the first paragraph and immediately had to take a moment to fully process what it was I'm about to read because I forgot how YOU write. Like 'Oh yeah this is HELLA.' (I've probably read hundreds of books in my life and you're the best author I've ever read). It's like I've been fueling my hunger with the fanfiction equivalent of empty calories since your last update, and I feel like a starved child sitting down at a feast and immediately I had to take a moment to take it all in.

I'm where Bato is in the tent with the book and Hella, let me tell you. I've already been struggling with my sexuality recently and if this makes me even more confused, I swear I'm gonna-

"He could point to these sentences and say look, here, that's where I fit." - That's going to be the part I maim you over. I'm barely into this update and already you're doing this crap. Mind you I'm ace, so I decided I'm projecting onto Kanut.

"Maybe there are types of love you can't access." AAAHH. The way you talked about this is so perfect, I can't with you.

I love Sokka and Zuko and the way you write them. It's so incredible.

Bato you menace

It's good to know that Bato ships Tomnook.

I don't usually like Bato. Not in the show, not in the other fics, but I absolutely love him in taob.

Tomnook you menaces

"If a flower was enough to rob a man of his strength, then perhaps he wasn't so strong to begin with." Love that, 10/10, using that on my sexist relatives one day.

WERE GETTING SOME KANUT AND ZUKO SCENES THIS IS NOT A DRILL- I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL (I love those two so much)

It was shortlived, nvm

ITS HAPPENING AGAIN AND APPAS THERE TOO

AAHAHAHAHH THATS TOO PERFECT HELLLA I HATE YOU SM WHY DO YOU DO THIS WHAT THE FFFFFF

"Needed to vent, you're a fantastic listener." Kanut you king

Hella that was absolutely beautiful. You deserve all the kudos all the fame jk rowlings career all of it. Sexuality is such a touchy subject and you handled it completely perfectly. I can't put into words how perfect that last scene was, I love that old healer.

You are genuinely the best writer I have ever seen and you are incredible at writing everything everyone else does a crap job at and I admire you so much and I aspire to write something this incredible.

I dont like commenting on ao3 so I just decided to leave this in your ask box thing :)

❤❤❤

Also, this is the same anon who has a list of their favorite things about you (lists are kind of my thing) and I have something I would like to add onto the list. I'm just going to tag this onto this specific ask because why not. It's also completely unrelated to the rest of this ask.

That is the way you tag things. You're the funniest person I follow and you show that in the way you tag things on here. I think I mentioned you're general chaoticness before, but thats unrelated to how hilarious you are. I can't even put it into words, like why the things you say in tags always make me laugh but they do and yeah.

list anon im literally slow dancing with u we're two slow dancers last ones out im twirling u in my arms i cant do this rn. parts of this ask that knocked me out:

'I've probably read hundreds of books in my life and you're the best author I've ever read' YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THIS TO ME AND EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT

'I love Sokka and Zuko and the way you write them. It's so incredible' okay ive said briefly in the past that im SUPER anxious about every aspect of taob zukka like im hyperaware of it every scene i write of them just bc i feel people have waited so long for it that it's now my job to execute it Perfectly or people will be let down, so every time i get even the smallest compliment about taob zukka i get soooo giddy

'Sexuality is such a touchy subject and you handled it completely perfectly' i cannot stress enough how nervous i was for this chapter like i wanted to do it justice so fucking badly so this is just very <333 yeah

'You are genuinely the best writer I have ever seen and you are incredible at writing everything everyone else does a crap job at and I admire you so much and I aspire to write something this incredible' BARK BARK GROWL HISS BARK GRRRRRRRR

'You're the funniest person I follow' TO THINK THAT WE COULD STAY THE SAME BUT WE'RE TWO SLOW DANCERS LAST ONES OUT-

#list anon you are the light of my life like i think about your asks all the fucking time bestie best friend my little rabbit #<3333 #ask #taob asks #list anon

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baltears · 2 years

Note

hello spookyshai!! its cool if u dont want to, but i was wonderin if you'd elaborate on what you like about william? i just like thinking about/mentally rewriting westworld and its characters in my free time, and your fascination with william's got me fascinated, mostly bc i see him as a stinky bastard. so obvs you'd definitely have a more nuanced take on him, which i'd also like to develop for the imaginary westworld rewrite fic that i'm never going to write ;)) regardless if u answer or not, just wanted to say i'm a fan of your blog and i hope you're havin a good day!!

omg so first of all thank you so so much for sending this, especially asking unprompted about a character you don't even like and giving me a chance to explain my feelings about him which is just incredibly cool of you. i love and am obsessed with william so giving me any excuse to talk about him at length is like gifting me $1000. if you want to know more about my meta thoughts about him after reading this, (I'm gonna talk A Lot – sorry – but i can't possibly get through everything because he's just a very complicated guy and it's a very dense show), you can always look in my william tag. I have a lot of text posts about him, but I also often talk a lot in the tags of my own posts as well as reblogs. This is gonna be a lot of totally disorganized and unedited infodumping of a lot of different meta, but i've talked about all of it at length elsewhere too and I can also totally elaborate more if you have any specific questions (you could send another ask if you wanted, but also feel free to just message me about it anytime). I'll do my best not to get too emotional (lol) but it'll be tough because this character is so close to my heart. but I'll try!

this is a huge wall of text lol so i'll also be adding more bold and italics than i normally would just to make it a little easier to read.

so first of all let's be clear, he completely is a stinky bastard. he is a horrible, awful, faithless, pathetic specimen of a man. not liking him is totally justified. just wanted to get that out of the way. personally I think not liking anything for any reason is totally valid and justified, but there are certainly good reasons why a lot of people don't like william. he is not a good dude, at least not after a certain point. No one is obligated to relate to him, empathize with him, feel bad for him, whatever... like, no one's obligated to like anything, but especially this guy. sometimes people can get a little shirty about the fact that i do, like me liking him means i think they have to. I don't think that. I do love finding other william stans, and i am very unapologetic and open about my love for him, but him being widely hated makes complete sense to me.

sigh like why i love him so much though… it's kind of hard to even put into words. on one level it's just extremely personal, like, there are a lot of things about him that i really resonate with and identify with, although I know that sounds weird (it's definitely gotten some very shocked reactions before, lol). i'm a villain liker in general, i tend to be able to relate to those types of characters easily and it kind of takes a lot for me to really dislike one on a personal level (though that's true of any sort of character, i just tend to like the majority of the characters in any work that i genuinely enjoy regardless of how shitty they are – to me the only truly bad thing a character can be is annoying, like, the kind of annoying where you just want them off your screen). Characters being any degree of evil or shitty or problematic doesn't bug me at all, personally, I tend to feel no deep internal urge to have them 'held accountable' for the things they do, unless they exist in a narrative that genuinely doesn't seem to understand that they are in the wrong, which does irritate me when it happens. But anyway, I don't want to get too oversharey but there's definitely a very high level of just personal resonance to the character for me in terms of the kinds of conflicts he has, the things he struggles with, the dominant emotions of his life, etc. so that's part of it. also though he's just… a very complex and beautifully constructed piece of character work, so I also love him just on a technical level as a writer.

He has such incredible significance in the story too, being the thematic representative of humanity, both to dolores and to the wider narrative – his capabilities for good and evil are humanity's capabilities for good and evil, right. Dolores' opinion of humanity and feelings towards humanity are very colored by her opinion of him and her feelings towards him, and thematically their relationship is sort of a microcosm of the broader relationship between hosts and humanity and very much a central piece of the narrative. Even when it's out of direct focus it's being constantly referenced and pointed back to, such as with the caleb storyline in season 3 – caleb himself is basically one big callback to william in s3, parallels out the wazoo, and his function of turning around dolores' opinion on humans is very much related to him reminding her of william – hence why her storyline in season 3 ends with her remarking on how her memories of william as a young man indicate to her that humanity is capable of goodness, because caleb's capacity to choose echoes william's capacity to choose, caleb's goodness echoes william's goodness, it all goes back to that, etc.

So… I guess I'll just jump in lol. William's Thing, the fulcrum of his character, the main feeling or sentiment that underlies all of his evil actions and kind of his general turn away from the kind and gentle person he used to be, is alienation, right. He lives his whole life (as he tells dolores in 1x07) not fitting in anywhere, not making connections anywhere, not having any sort of community or any experience with love or companionship of any kind… he's just been totally alone and alienated his entire life. like, the closest thing he had to a friend was logan, and he hates logan. I think this is the major thing people miss about him – there's this perception that his turning evil was out of some form of entitlement, that he was just angry that this woman he liked didn't like him back and it's just an issue of wounded masculinity, but to me that completely misses the mark. Like yes wounded masculinity is a piece of his character (the way he performs and weaponizes masculinity in general is… really fascinating, I'll go into a bit more detail about it, but the kind of showy machismo that he displays is definitely a tool that he intentionally developed for his own use rather than a really integral part of who he is) but it's not at all the core emotion happening there.

To William, Dolores was not only a person he was in love with or a person he was attracted to. She was also his first and only genuine human connection ever. She was his first true friend, she was his first love, she was the first suggestion anywhere in his life that it was even possible at all for him to experience a sort of deep mutual understanding and care, that somebody could actually genuinely see him and let him see them. He literally just had not ever experienced any level of real emotional intimacy before, which is a feeling i actually think a lot of people relate to if they grew up feeling very lonely. And then ultimately not only was that relationship taken away, but it was kind of retroactively deleted. When he saw her again back in sweetwater, his thought was not, "i don't have this relationship anymore," but "i never had this relationship," and further, "the single person i've ever thought i could have this kind of relationship with is actually not capable of having any kind of relationship with anyone, including me, and i literally just made all of this up in my head." After losing Dolores he is not just sad and lonely – he literally comes to the conclusion that he can never have any kind of intimate human connection or be genuinely loved, ever, because the one person in his entire life he thought he connected with is not even a person at all, but just a thing. It's very much a rug pull moment on a level that's hard to describe, it kind of takes some thought-experimenting to get to that emotional place because it's a level of shock and hurt and betrayal and like, paradigm-shifting that most of us don't regularly experience (which I think might be part of the reason why a lot of people don't seem to really understand his character or be able to parse what's going on with him emotionally). Suffice it to say it's a wound deep enough that he was pretty much never going to recover from it.

After that happens he is completely destabilized, he loses all sense of meaning and self, and he never gets a grip on it again. He had totally reconstructed his idea of his life to include the genuine possibility of meaning, and meaningful relationships, when he met Dolores. And with the loss of her, all of that suddenly went away and he basically was just left with nothing. So that alienation that he grew up with is now not just a part of his life, not just a thing that he suffers from, but he starts to feel that it's inherent to him and that it comes from him, which is partly why we start getting all the anti-social behavior he displays later in life. He develops and kind of fosters that lack of empathy in himself not because he's truly incapable of empathy (as we see when he's a young man and at a couple of later points here and there, he is in fact very capable of it) but because he feels fundamentally cut off from other people – he can't reach them and they can't reach him.

So that fundamental sense of alienation is really what informs 90% of the things he does after that point. He starts building this persona, inside and outside the park. The real world feels meaningless to him at this point because the only hint of meaning he's ever had in his life was in the park, so he buys the park, and simultaneously starts trying to "win" at life in the real world like he would in the park. The real world honestly doesn't feel any more real to him than the park does, he just knows rationally that it's different and so he behaves differently outside the park… he builds all this wealth and power for himself, he becomes a famous philanthropist. Inside the park he starts creating this character for himself, this sort of hyper-masculine, hyper-competent, totally emotionally composed, merciless, badass villain. And he makes a very concerted effort to stay in this persona as often as he can.

It's all a performance, though, right. As early as 1x05 we have Ford pointing out (to his face! legend) that his barely-hidden desperation to find meaning in the park is giving the game away. In that flashback near the end of 2x02 we get a glimpse of what's underneath, because he's performing this cold, heartless persona in front of Dolores literally while his voice is shaking because he's having to try hard not to start crying as he's talking to her. Deep down he is still very wounded, he still loves her, he still desperately wishes deep down (as jimmi simpson explained) for her to just tell him that all of it was real, for her to be real and truly be a person the way he thought she was. When he's an older man that wish is still in there, it's just been buried very deep, covered up with a lot of other things, twisted. But it's always there, it's his most closely held desire, the only thing he truly wants, and it comes out all the time in the things he does. All his tormenting of dolores, and especially his desire to make the park "real" in order to find meaning – that's that. That sense of deep confusion that's always there in his character too, the constant inner monologue of "who am I, what does this mean, does anything mean anything, what is real or not real, what is going on," that's that too, that's his destabilized sense of self and reality and meaning that came out of losing Dolores. And by this point he has also come to feel, as he says in 2x09 to his wife, that there is something very fundamentally wrong with him, in a way that's kind of at odds with how we as the audience have historically understood him.

The thing is, we saw him be a kind, loving, gentle, thoughtful person. He certainly was not perfect, for instance his later narcissism started out as a sort of basic self-centeredness, but he was a fundamentally good-hearted person who put most of his energy into trying to do the right thing. But he starts saying that he feels like that wasn't the real him, that he thinks deep down he was evil and poisonous all along, that his turn to darkness was inevitable, and that there's a sort of helplessness to his evil. There's this deep sense of shame that permeates his character along with his loneliness and alienation and resentment. He hates everything, he hates the world, but above all he hates himself – kind of amusing considering the god complex he's developed over time. But that really does seem to be the underlying emotion, that he truly thinks that deep down he was always bad. It's very heavily implied that his philanthropy outside the park and his attention to his family, his kind of good-guy persona, is something that he constructed to try and make up for his true nature, and all but stated that he doesn't feel like he's succeeded. To him, no amount of good he does will ever balance his level of evil, evil that as he says doesn't come from anything he's done but something deeper than that, something immutable, something he is. So that's why we eventually have him getting to the point of going "I might as well not bother with this anymore. I might as well just be evil, because I can't change what I am."

I've also said in other posts that the things Juliet says to him come off as obviously abusive. Like, she's technically correct that there's some sinister things going on with his private life, but listen to how she says it. You're a virus, not a person, a thing that mindlessly infects and destroys and has no other purpose. And he agrees with her! He doesn't question it at all, he just says, yes, you're exactly right, I'm not a human being with good and bad attributes, or potential to do both right and wrong. I'm a virus. Like, again, I know people get weird about having empathy for villain characters, there's the whole "cool motive, still murder," thing, because we don't want to be excusing anyone's bad actions with a sad backstory (personally I don't really care, but I understand where the concern comes from). But when he said that to Juliet it just… like I don't know how else to put it, it broke my heart. He really believes that about himself. And later he starts to question it because he's not sure anymore if he actually chose to do any of the things he did… but the way his hallucination of Emily puts it, these are his two options: you are evil, or you had no choice. One or the other. He never puts aside the idea that he is a monster that does not deserve to live, and his suicidality persists from season one (when he encourages Dolores to shoot him in the head and reacts with honest disappointment when she can't) to the end of season four when he actually does manage to engineer his own death. He is deeply, agonizingly, pathetically miserable existing the way that he is, he seems to see his even being allowed to live at all as some sort of cosmic injustice. But he doesn't know how to change back to the way he was.

All that having happened, though, we also keep getting these repeated suggestions in the story that he actually is still capable of goodness somewhere in there. The narrative keeps asking what William is exactly, what his fundamental nature is, and keeps refusing to land on one answer, instead choosing to keep things ambiguous in a way that would be sort of odd for your garden variety villain. In 2x04 we see him experiencing regret, feeling empathy and pain on behalf of others, and acting genuinely heroic, only to later backtrack and say it didn't mean anything. In 2x09 Emily tells him he is in his essence "a lie" but makes no attempt to locate what the "truth" of him would then be. In 3x06 he tries to figure out the answer to what's going on with him again only to decide he still doesn't really know, in 3x08 we get this reminder that he still stands for Dolores as a representation of both humanity's evil and its goodness, in 4x05 when his host duplicate asks him what he is, he says "Jury's still out." He is too far down his current path to turn back, but he still does not and cannot definitively and finally choose evil, because despite his self-loathing it seems like he senses deep down that his other side is still in there. All that to say I think he's getting a redemption arc in season 5, if we get a season 5 – season 5 is supposed to be the do-over season, and the character who most desperately needs and could most benefit from a do-over is William.

Um, closing thoughts… I think he's really funny. Sometimes intentionally, like, I do laugh at his little quippy comments, but I also just think it's really funny how pathetic he is and what a mess he is and how he basically imploded his entire life on accident. I do feel a lot of very genuine care and empathy for him (obviously), but he's also such a garbage fire of a human being that you sometimes just have to laugh. He's just my funny little guy, also he sucks, also I love him and he's my lil angel, also he's the worst man ever in history and deserves to be drawn and quartered (said with love). You get it. :) There's dimensions.

Trying to think of other characterization notes for your imaginary fic… oh, did you notice he puts on an accent in the park? He does this fake Southern drawl when he's playing his park character, but it's not his real accent and he drops it at other times, kind of like how Dolores sometimes does or doesn't use her "rancher's daughter" accent when she's being Wyatt in season 2. Uh… Total nerd, at heart, seeing as "all he had as a kid were books." (I kind of suspect that childhood memory might not have been totally real, by the way… made a post about that recently that's a little ways down in my tag if you're interested.)

There are more things I could say, but I think I've probably gone on long enough for the one ask lol so I'll cut it off here. Thank you again, so much, for sending this. I hope you enjoyed and got something out of this response, but if not I still do very much appreciate you asking and being curious. I hope you had a great day too!

#westworld #his brain is a conference call #william westworld

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