#twitter has just been so disgusting in the past week
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and at the end of the day, people will still hate women.
because beyonce is a terrible songwriter who has a good body and nothing more and she's really nothing compared to olivia rodrigo, that stuck-up bitch who steals other people's music, but taylor swift is an old, bitter nothing who clearly hates other girls. and sabrina carpenter deserves to die because she followed her heart, not her brain, and that's exactly why zendaya will never be good enough for tom holland. don't forget about kylie jenner, who's stealing precious timothee's innocence away and dating her is like committing arthouse cinema suicide, or how we said the same thing about miley cyrus and her disgusting profanity, think of the children, poor liam hemsworth, trapped in a marriage with such a horrible woman. lana del rey was hot until she was big and she made trailerpark sexy until her ass got a little too fat. and ariana grande, talentless homewrecker, and selena gomez, jealous and unreasonable, and hailey bieber, even more boring than the blood drying on the knives you are so quick to pull. sophie turner is a bad mom and megan thee stallion deserved whatever was coming to her.
and amidst all of this, we still don't know these women. we cannot fathom the pain of having a public divorce, one where people choose sides and hurl insults at you until the battery on their phone dies. we don't watch them chase after sweet-cheeked children in tucked-away backyards or play board games with their best friends while their chests heave in laughter. we don't know their marriages and we don't know their solitudes. we don't watch them unravel themselves, time and time again, preparing for the battle that we have made of their lives. they can never make a mistake. they can never cry. they can never be who they believe themselves to be.
and we take all of this and we go to work, we ride the bus, we go grocery shopping, we walk in dappled sunlight, and we let ourselves shrivel. i compare myself to every body i see and i comfort in the fact that i can still encircle my wrists with my fingers. food turns to dust in my mouth when i think about the fact that taylor swift thinks she's fat and people still hate sabrina carpenter for sticking by joshua bassett's side when he almost died, for God's sake, and now the people on my twitter feed are saying GUTS is the worst album they've ever heard. i liked it, the tiny voice in my head cries out. she wrote songs that made me feel noticed. they're calling the song i relate to the most a total skip.
so i close the app. i try not to think about the endless profiles screaming about how much they hate a nineteen/thirty-two/thirty-eight/twenty-three/twenty-six/forty-two year old. i try not to think about how much they would hate me, if they knew anything at all.
#this isn't necessarily in defense of the mentioned women#twitter has just been so disgusting in the past week#and everything written in italics is either a direct quote or paraphrased from twitter so that's awesome#so. yeah#what does this mean you ask#i don't know i respond#olivia rodrigo#beyonce#taylor swift#kylie jenner#sabrina carpenter#lana del rey#zendaya#miley cyrus#ariana grande#selena gomez#sophie turner#megan thee stallion
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Unspoken words - Choi Seungcheol
18+ / mdi
summary: when your boyfriend comes back home after an fight, you did not expect your world falling apart.
content: idolxseungcheol , non idol reader, cheating, angst, crying, talking about other woman, fight, no happy end!
wc: 1.1k
a/n: decided to publish my first angsty fic, please remember English is not my mother language.
With heavy steps, Cheol walked through the quiet apartment. "Baby? Y/N?" His voice was shaky and full of regret, the light was dimmed, and the TV was running. He walked into the living room to find you cuddled in the thick white fluffy blanket you always used to cuddle.
He wanted to kiss you awake; he wants to tell you how much he loves you like he always does when he comes home late, but within the night he lost that right to do it.
You fell asleep with concern written all over your face. He knows it because it happened far too often in the last few weeks.
"Cheol?" Your sleepy voice brought him back to reality. "Y/N" he breathless said you threw the blanket off your body. "I was so scared, Cheol" you whispered. "It was pouring, and we promised to never leave in a fight." He knows that if you talk longer, you will end up crying, and he does not want to make you cry. He never wants to make you cry or upset.
But he will destroy your pure loving soul within seconds.
"I'm sorry for being so bitchy, work has just been too much lately, and with you being away for Promo, I just felt tired, and then the rumor just brought me over the edge; the fear took over me, the fear of not being enough" you tried to play it cool, to play it cool that you really felt insecure next to Jihyo.
Seungcheol just listened; his heart broke with every word you said, and the love in your eyes when you looked at him was still fully there.
"Y/N" his voice brought you back, and you looked at him. He rarely uses your full name, he always uses nicknames.
"Cheol, what's wrong" you furrowed your eyebrows. "Can you please take out your phone" you followed his request. "Go to Twitter, please" His voice was weak, and you felt weird, you felt like puking.
There was this gut in your stomach that made you feel unwell, you opened the app you downloaded to see the newest stuff about your boyfriend.
But there was no exciting news, there was nothing good at all, you swiped through the news tears already welling in your eyes.
There he was.
Your boyfriend of 6 Years, kissing her, Jihyo, the woman you were afraid of.
"Y/N" he whispered trying to explain himself. "It was just a kiss right?" You locked your phone, your voice weak "It was just a kiss; mistakes can happen" you said with tears in your eyes and a lump in your throat, your hands were shaking, and you felt like someone pushed a knife into your chest.
"It was not only a kiss" he said, and you squeezed your eyes shut.
He cheated on you, the man you were sure he was your endgame cheated.
"you fucked?" you said bluntly, your voice not the having the familiar warmth in it that he loved, and he shook his head, "what did you do?".
"Is it important?" he whispered, "Yes, Seungcheol it is. I want to know what could possibly be worth it to throw this relationship into the trash" you were braver than you would've thought.
"We were at a club after our fight, and I drank too much, and then we landed inside the bathroom, and she sucked me off, and I got her off," and that was your breaking point.
You took some steps back because you felt disgusted by him "please, I did not plan this" he whispered. "I was angry because of our fight, but I did not plan this" you scoffed "But you did, you went out after I poured out my heart to you, after I told you about my insecurities about her, and you go out and cheat on me with her" You felt the tears running down your cheek.
"you broke my entire trust, god I was so dumb, this was the reason we had our fight in the first place... and now it came true" you walked past him "you probably wanted her for a long time" you walked into the shared bedroom "No, I don't even want her now , I was not thinking straight, you're all I ever wanted"
"Leave" you said with so much venom that he felt cold all of a sudden. He knew it was over; he knew there was nothing to fight for; he knew your past with your dad cheating on your mom; he knew about your insecurities, but he still decided not to give a fuck about it.
"I will stay at Chan's place" he said quietly, and you sobbed. "I don't care, get the fuck out" he closed the door behind him, and you fell down to the floor.
He did not even apologize.
He did not even fight.
In the same night you packed your bags and went to a hotel, you felt like everything you believed in was fake.
You ignored every message he sent you, every page you followed, you unfollowed.
You texted the members that it is for the best if you do not stay in touch, that you could not act like they aren´t together most of the times, you did not know that the members made sure that he knew how he messed up.
And when Seungcheol texted you that the apartment was sold it was your time to gather all of your remaining stuff, he said he is at practice so you used the key to open the place you once called home.
But when you heard the TV running, you felt all the color leaving your face. You found all the stuff in boxes, some with your name, some with his.
"Cheol?" you asked "yes, It's me, I m sorry I broke my ankle and I cant go to practice" his voice was weak. You walked towards the living room.
"Oh.. how are you feeling?" you asked weakly, and he smiled "It would be a lie to say good; I did this myself," he shrugged. "I lost the love of my life, and now I can't even do my fucking job" At the mention of you, you felt like crying.
"Everything happens for a reason; maybe in the end we were not meant to be, even if we thought we were perfect" You felt the tears once again.
"I deeply loved you, fuck I was ready to spend my forever with you, but when I look at you all I see is pain and disappointment, Cheol, but it's okay because in the end I need to do what makes me happy, and you're no longer a part of that" this broke him completely.
You heard him sob, and you tried to ignore this ripping pain in your chest.
You turned around, "I wish you the best Seungcheol, I really do" you grabbed your stuff and walked out of his life.
There were so many words left unspoken.
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End OTW Racism Link Round-up: Week 2!
Our first (hopefully of many) two-week #EndOTWRacism action is over! Check out our post on next steps and how to stay involved if you haven’t already.
Just like our first week link round-up, here’s a collection of some of the longer-form discussion/analysis that people shared in week two (we're going with posts on tumblr, dreamwidth, and other sites, as well as twitter threads that are longer than three tweets). These are posts that we think would be helpful to consider as fandom engages in the necessary conversations about these issues.
Note: There has been a plethora of information that’s come out about OTW in the past week, particularly from former and current volunteers, which calls into question the way the organization functions and details the harm they have done to their own volunteers. Much of it does not directly reference our campaign or racism, so we won’t be sharing all of that conversation here, but you can find a round-up of that conversation at the dreamwidth account synonymous.
Tumblr
seepunkrun: I haven’t heard back from the OTW on this yet. In fact, I’m still waiting for a reply to the last letter I sent them on this subject. That’s why I’m glad to see increased transparency included in @end-otw-racism’s list of demands [link]
wondersmith-and-sons: if we're gonna be frank about otw's "anti-racism policies"/hiring of diversity consultants/attempt for social change, i'm gonna say that my good faith in them has run out a while ago and that i genuinely don't think they ever had the intention to follow through on tackling racial abuse, like, ever. [link]
elumish: In response to criticism about EndOTWRacism (part 2): one of the main questions that I see a lot about stuff like this is, how do we write policy to keep there it from backfiring or being used for purges? [link]
princeescaluswords: Activism Isn’t a Raincoat [link]
massharp1971: The right want free speech, but only for themselves [link]
Twitter
tea_deviation: this is even further off topic, but I was doing the math here and it boggles my fucking mind that ao3 is not driving towards being endowment funded? [link]
fiercynonym: i mentioned, as an aside in my thread about how OTW appears to have $2.5 MILLION that they are spending on absolutely nothing, that francesca coppa received a fan studies grant from OTW once, but i want to talk about that specific piece a little more [link]
generalfrings: For all the disingenuous raising of "concerns" at #EndOTWRacism over hypothetical volunteers that would hypothetically handle racists in AO3 (+ the dismissal of the real current harm on poc and black fans), I want to see some response for OTW actually traumatizing real volunteers [link]
_impertinence: #EndOTWRacism the way chinese fans have been sidelined and belittled by the org is so fucking disgusting [link]
hydrochaeris3: ok full disclosure this came about bc i was thinking about why i havent seen people be "pro worker" (or in the otw/ao3's case "pro volunteer") more in response to the endotwracism campaign. bc in most leftist circles ik that ppl would use workers rights arguments to push back on [link]
saathi1013: If it's anything I've learned from contemporary activism it's this: it's never "just" racism. [link]
cyrilapologist: worth considering that end otw racism is also a labor issue [link]
hydrochaeris3: stalking IS bad but i do think it's real funny that so many bnfs are coming out of the woodwork to say smthn about how upsetting it is that this white person got stalked instead of literally anything for #EndOTWRacism for the last two whole weeks [link]
aral_was_here: I'm going to keep the pfp and account name for a bit because I'm feeling pissed about how #EndOTWRacism has been dismissed by so many fans as virtue signaling or as a smokescreen for certain people they see as fandom boogeymen lying in wait to take our porn at a moment's notice. [link]
Dreamwidth
beatrice_otter: Signal boost: "Be more democratic, be more autocratic, OTW", by chestnut_pod (with background & highlights) [link]
wistfuljane: Mythical Dragons & Wild Unicorns: A Decade Later [link]
naye: The Glorious 25th of May - #EndOTWRacism [link]
naye: OTW needs a lot more transforming [link]
Other sites
enk-dash-one at fandom.ink: 1/3 Fellow white people, I encourage you to read this thread first: Then, I'd like to add, speaking exclusively to fellow white people who are worried about this: we are already racist. [link]
Klaudiasays on TikTok: let's get #EndOTWRacism trending [link]
Stitch for Teen Vogue: As #EndOTWRacism Fights for AO3 Policy Changes, Fandom Racism Bubbles to the Surface [link]
We'd love for folks to keep discussing the issues raised during this action! We organizers are probably going to go quiet for a little while to gather ourselves and work on moving forward, but if you send us posts by submitting to our tumblr, tweeting at us, messaging us on dreamwidth, or emailing us at endotwracism [at] gmail [dot], we will consider linking or posting them. We do reserve the right to only share posts that are in line with the intent of the campaign and that we believe are adding to the conversation.
#end otw racism#racism in fandom#ao3#otw#organization for transformative works#archive of our own#fandom racism#endotwracism#link round up
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Slut!|matty healy x reader
pt2 to of well my boyfriends in a band
warnings[hate,cigs,alcohol]
summary: when people start hating on a relationship that hasn’t even been confirmed(let’s pretend this is a bit after gab and matty plz and thx)
y/ninsta: life latelyyyy🤍🖤
liked by: trumanblack,charlixcx,10,000 others
comments
user11: ew why is she acting like a hoe she literally has a bf🤮 user2: she’s just living💀
user12: ugly was meant for ugly tbh
user13: he moved on so fast wtf user1: it’s literally been months?
user14:gorg girly😍liked by trumanblack
charlixcx: miss last night don’t miss the morning tho😔 y/ninsta: told you to slow down trumanblack: tbf y/n drinks anything like it’s water and is perfectly fine the next day
Twitter
gabs#1fan: y/n is such a hoe she’s so disgusting🤮
mattyhater3: hope they both rot and die
y/nhater: hope that snake ass hoe dies🐍🐍
y/nfan: why are we hating on y/n like what’s the reason?? y/nhater2: because she’s a snake and no one likes her gabs#1fan: because she stole matty from her and she’s just a slut🐍🐍🐍
y/nhater3: #y/nisanuglysnake🐍🐍🐍🐍#y/nisoverparty
y/ninsta: alexa play robbers by the 1975
comments
y/nhater4: adding a pic of you crying doesn’t make up for you being a slut🐍🐍
user17:🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
y/nhater7:🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
y/nhater2:🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
y/nfan: hope ur doing okay luv🫶
y/ninsta has deleted her account
Twitter
y/ntweets: alexa play this is what makes us girls by lana del rey
y/ntweets has deleted her account
hater1:🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
hater3:🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
hater2: SNAKE, WHORE SLUT MAN STEALER
hater 4:go kys nobody cares💀
y/nfan: guys i’m super worried about y/n. has anyone spotted her recently
sundaily:FAMOUS SINGER DELETES ALL ACCOUNTS AFTER MASSIVE WAKE OF HATE the singer y/n y/ln has deleted all accounts on all music streaming services and all social media accounts after people started being accused of stealing matty healy from his ex girlfriend and have now named her a snake and have #y/nsoverparty trending for the past three weeks
y/nfan: one month without y/n
y/nfan: two months with out y/n still check her acc every week just incase
y/nfan: three months with out y/n. starting to wonder if she’ll come back anytime soon or if she’s done with her career:/
gonna make it a while reputation thing. also over written like five parts already but i think that’s enough for tonight idk
p.s not meant to hate on gabs i love her sosososo much i just need it for the plot❤️
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Can you please add this au here? Or update a03?
brutim| au where tim never became robin and one day bruce was feeling more pathetic than usual and decided to take a drive past jason's old school. he spots little dark haired and blue eyed timmy drake waiting at the bus stop while it's pouring rain, looking like a drowned rat.
sure! i don't mind! since twitter has made it so people can't view tweets or lurk without an account and i know that it can be quite a hassle for people to make another social media account and twitter has made it harder for people to interact with media. as for ao3 i really prefer to reserve it for more edited, complete works.
_________________
brutim| au where tim never became robin and one day bruce was feeling more pathetic than usual and decided to take a drive past jason's old school. he spots little dark haired and blue eyed timmy drake waiting at the bus stop while it's pouring rain, looking like a drowned rat.
there's no other cars and bruce knows the bus won't come come for another hour...
bruce's first introduction to tim drake is pulling to the curb, lowering his window, and offering a ride home to this wet child who happily accepts.
maybe bruce should've have been concerned.
lectured this child about stranger danger and about how bruce could've been a creep wanting to prey on him.
instead bruce is pulled in by this young thing who gushes about how grateful he is and about how good and kind mr. wayne is and...bruce. bruce has been having a hard time.
mood swings, self hatred, feelings of worthlessness.
it's...nice to have a break from the voice in his head telling him what a piece of shit he is, how stupid, pathetic, and weak he is. how he's disgusting and everyone hates him, how he can never protect the things that matter.
tim drake is sweet and small and his voice is so kind. like an angel's. and he tells bruce about how wonderful and great he is, how he's tim's hero!
it seems a bit excessive for just offering a ride home in a nice warm car safe from the rain. but...bruce isn't in a good place.
bruce feels horrible and he's been living in a pit of despair for so long and little timothy drake is..so nice.
he doesn't scream abuse at him like his brain and dick do. he doesn't remain so deathly quiet like alfred. he doesn't look at him with wary eyes like the gordons.
there is no pity in his gaze like when he encounters other capes. he doesn't make bruce want to rip his skin off and yell at him to stop looking at him! stop making him feel like that! he doesn't like it!!
bruce is so inexplicably sad when he drops little timothy drake off.
timmy lives in a building containing multiple floors of penthouses near the financial district of gotham.
bruce watches him go, watches as he turns back and offers him another wave while dripping water in the lobby.
bruce feels light for a whole hour before the dark returns.
the next time the weather is bad (which in gotham is every week) bruce drives past the school again. and there little timothy is again.
he must recognize bruce's car because he lights up immediately. despite only meeting one time before, bruce feels similar feelings spark.
it becomes habit to drive past the school and pick up sweet timothy. bruce starts driving past even when the weather isn't bad.
bruce knows he shouldn't. he's a stranger. he's never even met tim's parents. but he knows they wouldn't be happy to learn that bruce, a grown man they don't know, had taken it upon himself to start driving their son home. some part of bruce justifies it. that if they were good and vigilant parents they'd be able to stop this from happening. if they'd instilled a healthy fear of the unknown in tim he would've never gotten into a car with someone he didn't know. he would've never gotten into a car with bruce who he spoke so heartbreaking kindly to.
who treated bruce more softly than bruce had ever treated himself. who cupped bruce's cheeks and whispered to bruce about how good and wonderful he was.
who broke bruce down and let him sob and cry into his shoulder as he rutted into a pink little pussy. sweet timmy let bruce spill his grief all the way inside him.
the orgasms helped shield bruce's mind from the dark cloud hanging over him and allowed him to enjoy tim's soft hands and sweet whispers about how bruce was so good and loving and how bruce was not a bad person how he had so much heart.
every day bruce picked little timothy drake up and every day bruce drove them to a different deserted location and crawled into the backseat where his tim would follow him. he'd pull off the sweater vest from his school uniform and unbutton his shirt to reveal little breasts, he'd roll up his skirt and lay on his back so bruce could crouch over him and mouth at his tits.
he would kiss bruce too.
his sweet candy flavored lipbalm arousing bruce more as they'd sloppily kiss because tim was young and still learning how. when bruce kissed others it was always rushed and frantic and racing the other person to get their clothes off.
with tim it was comforting. reassuring.
like a hug. bruce would press his body close and nearly sob with relief as tim's arms wrapped around him, stroking the back of his head and murmuring little comforts.
bruce rarely didn't cried when they had sex. when he worked open his belt, the button of his slacks, and fly.
when he pressed into tim's warm, wet, tight little hole that was just a little too small for someone his size.
they didn't fuck so much as bruce would press his cock inside as just another way to be closer to tim.
sometimes they'd lay there for hours. bruce aroused and hard.
tim softly hugging and kissing him, pecking away bruce's tears. occasionally tim would clench down on bruce and that would have bruce's hips arching and twitching in deeper.
bruce would cum eventually. not always from the little rutting they'd do when it was just too much.
sometimes the emotions spilling over in him just pushed him over the edge and he'd grind and grunt and spill into the vice of tim's eager cunt. tim's little pussy always swallowed all of bruce's load, body accepting every bit of bruce's grief and never letting it back out
so that it could hurt him again.
god bruce loved this little angel so much.
he made sure to make tim feel good, to find the pink little clit that would have tim huffing and panting and red cheeked and making confused little sounds because before he met bruce he hadn't known his body to be capable of feeling so good.
then the hot squirming of tim's insides around bruce's soft cock would arouse him again and the second time around bruce would push hinself up and fuck tim like the adult and equal that bruce knew he deserved to be.
this wasn't some child preying perversion that bruce was doing. tim was his mental and spiritual equal, bruce's partner even if his body may be young and he didn't wear a cape.
bruce fucked tim like an adult. fast and deep and hard. and tim took it.
his legs thrown over bruce's shoulder, soft whines muffled from bruce's kisses as bruce fucked him until the head of his cock slammed into a little cervix.
the first time they'd had sex like this it had been too much and tim had stayed home from school with the 'tummy ache'
bruce had given him. the next time was better so was the one after that until tim's little pink cunt let out nothing but thick wet sounds at every slam of bruce's cock into him.
bruce would bite down on his lower lip, breathe thickly through his nose as he focused on chasing the spine tingling orgasm that was so close bruce could almost taste it.
it had taken awhile and with a lot of help he'd met from a little angel in the rain. but slowly...bruce got...better. the yells from those voice died down, the blame and vitriol they carried faded away.
until all bruce was left with was a soft, breathless voice telling him how good and loving bruce was. how he was so good, so good, so good.
and eventually bruce believed it. that he wasn't bad. he was good.
he was so good.
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☆The Library ☆
kazuha x gn! reader
prompt: - you and kazuha attend the same university, him being a english lit major and you being a person in stem😎 your paths never crossed until that day in the library…
*this is an smau so please do expect a lot of twitter posts and messages to read, there will be proper writing too but, it will mostly be that!!*
warning! this chapter involves mentions of self- neglect, possible eating disorders, insomnia, swearing, implications of inappropriate acts (though it never happened), mentions of anxiety and biblical references (kinda? idk jesus and the bible was mentioned in a lighthearted manner)
masterlist - prev | next
☆it was a mistake ☆
i’ve been sitting here, on my phone, for over 6 hours now. this isn’t good. i’ve forgotten to eat again.
i’ve never been too good at taking care of myself, most the time i’m too engrossed in what im doing to remember that i need to eat, drink or even use the bathroom. however, recently it’s been getting worse. before, i would be able to remember by atleast 7pm but lately, i’ve been having my dinners at 12am, sometimes even later.
i suppose i should be happy i remembered just before midnight this time, but i just don’t see it that way. to me, this is still a failure.
pulling myself out of the warm comfort of my bed below me, i wandered out towards the kitchen. we never tend to have much food in, with us being university students it can be hard to get enough money for such necessities. nonetheless, i managed to find a packet of chicken super noodles (if you don’t know what these are or don’t eat chicken, just read it as your favourite type of instant noodles😌). careful i pulled open the bag and dumped the contents out into my bowl, along with the flavoured powder and some hot water from the kettle, before putting this in the microwave.
after finishing my noodles and placing the bowl in the sink to wash up another day, i once again returned to the comfort of my bed and bright phone screen.
i didn’t get to bed until 3:49am.
i woke up too late, again.
i’m going to be in so much trouble.
i wish my class wasn’t so small, then maybe the professor wouldn’t notice me as i slip through the door and attempt to make my way to my seat.
we’re doing lab work.
she notices me.
“how lovely of you to finally join us, y/n” god did she have to say it so loud. i feel so many eyes on me but, i can’t falter. i try my hardest to ignore them as she continues to speak.
“please stay behind once class is finished y/n, we need to talk” she sounds so smug. i give a curt nod and quickly scurry to my lab partner.
i must look disheveled, i can feel how red my face is, the sweat dripping down my neck- getting caught on the neckline of my shirt. mascara from yesterday is sure to be lining the underneath of my eyes.
my lab partner, lumine, looks worried. however, she seems to ignore my disgusting outward appearance as she begins to explain the experiment to me, giving me time to write down her words and the results.
class wraps up quickly. everyone begins to shuffle out, talking to eachother of their weekend plans, but not me.
i make my way towards professor ningguang. she looks angry but, she doesn’t shout.
“i did warn you there would be consequences if you was absent again, didn’t i?”
i’m so nervous, i’ve never gotten into trouble before.
“yes, professor but, i wasn’t able to get much sleep i’ve haven’t been able to-“
she cuts me off. she’s angrier than she’s letting on.
“i don’t have time for your excuses, y/n. you have been late 5 times in the past 2 weeks, that is completely unacceptable. however, with only 3 weeks left of school before winter break, i can’t give you the standard punishment for a disobedience such as this. instead, you will help out the librarian. ms. lisa has been complaining recently of the mess the library has become. for the next 3 weeks, you will go to the library after school and clean it until there isn’t a spec of dust left, do i make myself clear?”
im not sure if it was the nerves or the fear of her telling me this in such a calm way, but i made no move to object. i simply nodded and left as she dismissed me.
it wasn’t until i got back to my dorm that it truly sank in.
are. you. fucking. kidding. me?!
clean the library? everyday? for 3 weeks?!
i suppose it could be worse, but come on! i have a life, i have homework! i can’t dedicate every evening to cleaning a stupid library!
god, this is going to be miserable.
a/n - ahhhh this was so fun to create! i can’t wait for ya’ll to see the next part! i hope you enjoyed this and will enjoy the rest of the series! take care of yourselves <3
taglist- open! @kazuhaprnt
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Five Times Jax and Pomni Share Dreams of Their Past Lives (And One Time Where They Remember)
Read on AO3
1/2/3/4/5/6
Hi! The last chapter of the first fic! We actually made it! I just wanted to go a huge thank you for all those who have supported me! Whether it was on AO3, twitter, tiktok, tumblr or discord. You guys have been amazing! I still can't get over the fact that my fic has over 10k hits you guys are insane and I love it! I have some other stuff that I need to work on after this (a fnaf one-shot, a funnybunny royal au for my mutual artie on twitter and discord, and a funnybunny pirate au as well) but that doesn't mean I won't be working on the sequel at the same time.
Also, I forgot to include this last week and I'm so ashamed of myself, but please go check out this art of my fic that was drawn on tumblr, it's amazing!: https://www.tumblr.com/pomni-stare/734273534847860736/more
This my pal berry also drew a reference to my fic with her art here as well: https://twitter.com/CheyennePlayz/status/1725864159139738099
Once again, thank you so much!
And now, the final chapter...
Pomni woke in a cold sweat.
That was…it couldn’t be, could it? It was her at the end of that dream! Right after Penny put on the headset! When she first got here! But how could that be?! These dreams weren’t real! They were just, well, dreams! Just made-up figments of her imagination! But then again, no one else had them here, just her. So why did she have them? What made her so special?
Penny…why did that name feel so strikingly familiar to her? Why did it feel like she walked the steps that she walked? That she spoke the words that she spoke? Every single movement and decision that Penny Reed had made, why did it feel like Pomni had done it all before? And Penny’s mother and sister, she felt as though as though she truly knew them. That she could list off everything they loved, from the music the liked, to the foods that disgusted them, all the little things that made them into the people they were. It felt as though if she reached down hard enough, she could remember every piece of information about them. But why?
And then there was Jack, the one that invaded her mind, body and soul each time he appeared, when he spoke, laughed, cried, joked and breathed. Every time she saw him was like dancing an old waltz, the steps might be fumbled and clumsy from the lack of practice, but the heart and joy of it was still there.
Especially when she was with Jax…
There was so much déjà vu with him, it kept her in within its strong grasp. Even when Jax was only a thought in her head, it was as if she were replaying the old song and dance of Jack and Penny with him.
But why?!
Winter
Riley
Amber
Jack….
Her head began to pound, she immediately grabbed it as it throbbed painfully. What was going on?! Suddenly, the warm face of a girl with dark hair appeared behind her squeezed shut eyes.
“So,” Winter turned in the passenger seat to face Penny in the back, “Sorry that it was under these events how you met Jack, hopefully you were okay with him.”
“I’m not,” said Riley, focused on the road.
“Just keep driving mama bear,” Winter rolled her eyes before turning to Penny again.
Pomni gasped. Winter…she knew her. She knew so much about her. She met two months after meeting Riley, trying to sneakily ask for tips on how to ask the other girl out. Carrot cake, her favourite food was carrot cake. She loved it so much that she had it every year on her birthday and baked it whenever she could. “Oh god,” Pomni exhaled, she knew Winter. Not just from the dreams, but really knew her! She was her friend!
Her head throbbed again, a red headed girl about 4 years older than her appearing, replacing Winter.
“Penny! Oh thank God!” Riley rushed over to her, wrapping her arms around her younger sister and pressed a kiss at the side of her head, “You gave me a heart attack going into that house, and then hearing that you fainted?! Don’t ever do that again!”
She grabbed at her pyjama bottoms. Riley Reed, one of the strongest people she knew. A protector who forgets to protect herself, always putting her mother and little sister first. Had saved said younger sister many times and seen the wounded parts of her that weren’t visible to the everyday eye. There was a secret that she kept, that she never told anyone, not even to her mother. It was always for Riley’s little sister’s ears only. If she ever had a son, she would same him Percy after her youngest sibling. No one knew that, that secret was locked tight in a vault. “Why do I know this?” Pomni asked herself.
White pain flashed in her mind again. It hurt, it hurt so much. But it numbed the moment an older woman took Riley’s place.
“He really is, and you will be too my little costuming star!” Amber nuzzled her daughter’s nose with her nose, laughing at Penny’s groans.
“Mom!” Penny buried her head into Amber’s shoulder, “Stop!” She didn’t mean it and Amber knew that.
“I can’t help it if my daughter is amazingly talented,” Amber grinned, loosening up a bit as she peered down to look at Penny’s face.
Amber, mother of two girls. Divorced from her awful husband. She enjoyed cooking, spending time with her girls, always offered a shoulder to cry on. For Penny to cry on…no matter where she was she knew that her mother was her safe place. The soft feeling of familiar soothing fingers running through her hair made Pomni grasp at her chest with a pained cry, she knew who those memorable hands belonged to. “Mom,” she whispered.
There was another flash. Pomni grit her teeth, trying to ease the pain. It disappeared the moment a handsome young man stepped forward in her mind’s eye, taking a pair of small hands into his one large ones. She knew those hands…
“I would tell her that I’m not a perfect person, but I am someone who’s always trying. You’ve taken over my mind and have stolen my heart, but I can’t find it in myself to care as long as it’s in your hands.” Jack took her hands in his at those words, “I just hope that she feels the same way.”
She did…no, she does. She loved Jack! She loved him so much. The idea of being with him lifted her higher than the sun and moon themselves! She loved him! She loved him because he…he…he. Jack was here.
Her mind throbbed again, it felt as though it was twisting, moulding, transforming. Not into something new, but into something that she never knew she lost.
“I know,” he nodded, bringing her in closer, “I’m always good whenever you’re here.”
She sighed, pressing her forehead against his, “Okay, just tell me if there’s anything going on if there is.”
.
Penny laughed wetly, cupping both Jack’s cheeks tenderly in her hands, “I don’t deserve you.”
“No,” Jack disagreed, turning his head and kissed the palm of her hand. “It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.”
Penny let another tear fall as she brought Jack in for another kiss. The two relished the moment they had together.
.
“You’re so beautiful,” he knew what he said, and he wasn’t going to take it back, not when she peered up at him through her long lashes with a gasp.
“Y-you’re ridiculous,” she uttered, handing him her jacket.
“Hey, just telling the truth here,” he replied as he went to hang up her jacket on the wall, “Besides, someone’s gotta point out how pretty you are.”
.
Penny was about to go inside when she decided to do one more thing while she still had the courage, after all, the night was still young. “Jack, wait!”
He lifted his head at the call of his name, “What? Is everything okay?”
“Yes, it’s just, um, you f-forgot something,” Penny stammered, working herself up as much as she could, “You forgot this.”
She planted a kiss on his cheek, pulling away quickly.
.
He held his hand out to her.
Penny took it in her own and shook it, “I’m Penny.”
The throbbing finally passed, Pomni let her hands drop to her sides as waves and waves of anything and everything came rushing back to her.
Penny…Penny…Penny. “…My name is Penny Reed,” she was still for a moment before she jumped up and stood on her bed as she let out a thrilled holler. She had a name! “My name is Penny Reed!”
She clasped her hands over her mouth, praying that no one heard her. It was a silent as a mouse, thank goodness. She plopped herself back down, letting tears of relief flood down her cheeks. Her name was Penny Reed, she had an amazing mother and a great big sister. She wanted to be a costume designer and create amazing garments for the whole world to see. She found a friend in her sister’s wife who became a rock for her. But most importantly, she was in love with an incredible man named Jack Bloom.
That was why she put the headset on! That was how she ended up here! Jack had to be here, if the cases that Riley described was like how she got here and how he went missing, then Jack had to be here too.
But who was he? Oh god, what if he already abstracted and she was too late?! No, he’s close, I can feel it. She felt him, she felt him here. He’s close. In fact, he felt closer the more she thought about her. Could he…no.
“Can’t make any promises little lady,” Jack smirked.
…
Jax sighed, “You’re welcome little lady.”
Pomni’s eyes widened.
“Keep the chivalry to yourself sir,” Penny placed a hand on her hip.
“Can’t help it, I’m dreamy,” Jack was unable to keep the grin off his face at her pout. His face softened, holding out his arm, “Shall we?”
Penny raised a brow at him, grinning. “Mr Jack how thoughtful of you.”
…
“Just until you’re more aware of your surroundings,” Jax told her, “After all, I have a reputation to uphold.”
“Ah, right,” Pomni gave him a joking grin, “We wouldn’t want anything to happen to that.”
“See, now you’re getting it,” Jack agreed, returning her grin.
No way. It couldn’t be, they were both so different. But the similarities, they wouldn’t stop adding up.
Penny sank to the floor as she watched Jack shove David away.
There was nothing but fury in Jack’s eyes, “If you ever put your hands on her again, I’ll make sure you lose them!”
…
One moment Jax was at the side like everyone else, watching the whole thing go down. Next, he was in front of Pomni, staring at Caine as the AI tilted his head at Jax’s new and sudden behaviour.
Was he really…Jax was really…
“Oh Penny” Jack sighed. Tears welled up in her eyes as she all but collapsed into him, wailing as he soothingly stroked her back. “He’s never coming back here again, I’ll make sure of it. Shh, it’s okay, I got you.”
…
“Well, I have a proposition for you,” Jax said, she perked up, “Until you feel like you understand this place a little more, I’ll be there to make you don’t have one of your episodes. Whether you’re spiralling or hyper focusing, I’ll be here to ground you in case that happens.”
“Jax…Jack,” she let out a gasp. He was – Jax was – he was right beside her all along and she didn’t even know! “Jack!”
She jumped off her bed and ran to her door, opening it as quick as she could as she made a beeline to Jax’s room in front of her. She swung the door open, a grin widening on her face, hoping to see a purple rabbit tangled in sheets. But he was gone, nothing but an empty made up bed with no sign of a body being in there whatsoever.
She closed the door, he wasn’t here. He couldn’t have gone far. She had to find him, she will find him. Now that she had a grasp on her life and her love again, she wouldn’t let go any time soon.
She ran down the hallway.
Jax-Jack-Jax-Jack-Jax-Jack-Jax-Jack-Jax-Jack
The lines began to blur together, the puzzles slipping back into place. Jax was Jack! She had to complete her forgotten mission. She had to get Jack!
.
.
.
“Penny!” Jax screamed as he awoke, the image of the girl trying to painfully claw off the headset still fresh in his mind. But then, it led to Pomni arriving in the circus. What did that have to do with Pomni being here? Could she…no its just a dream! They’ve all been dreams Jax! There’s no way that I’m allowed to be that lucky. Someone like him didn’t deserve people like Pomni or Penny. Two kind-hearted individuals who tore his heart out the minute it looked like their spirits were broken. How could Jack do that?! Penny was amazing, kind, beautiful! How could he let her go like that?!
Jax gripped the fabric of his shirt where his heart was, who was he kidding, he sounded like a damned hypocrite. Pomni nearly drowned because of him, he would want to stay away from him too. All he did was get her hurt when he was supposed to protect her. He was just as much of a fool as Jack was…
…Actually, now that he thought about it, he had been here as long as Jack was missing in his dream. Time had its own rules here, but Jax would be damned if he didn’t try to keep track of how long he was here, scratching a line on the wall behind his wardrobe to show each night he spent here. Jack had been gone for 6 months, he was here for 6 months – 9 if you counted the three months since Pomni arrived. It was too much of a coincidence for him to not to notice it.
No, don’t! Thinking of this type of stuff never did Queenie any favours! Just stop Jax! But he couldn’t, his mind just kept rushing and rushing, but it didn’t hurt, more like the waves of an ocean gently guiding him to where he needed to be.
“Hey, are you free on Halloween?”
Jax froze. That voice, he knew that voice. He turned, spotting a dark-haired woman on a bed that wasn’t there before.
Winter.
“Depends,” his mouth moved on its own, saying words against his mind’s control. Was he even trying to control it in the first place? “Why, what type of genius plan have you concocted this time?”
“Well, Riley and I are going to the Halloween festival that day and she’s bringing her sister,” said Winter, smiling coyly. “Maybe you should meet up with us and get a chance to meet her.”
“Meeting mini-Riley?” He raised an eyebrow at the woman. Why did this conversation feel so familiar? He never met Winter in his life!...Right? “If she’s related to Riley she might have ‘I’ll punch you in the face tendencies’ so I’m not so sure yet.”
“Trust me,” Winter grinned, “This girl is the total opposite from Riley, her personality is a complete 180.” She stood up and walked over to him.
He crossed his arms, an action that felt repeated in so many ways, “What are you up to?”
“Nothing…” she drawled, “I just think it would be idea to meet this girl, she’s pretty cute.”
“Mmhmm,” he wasn’t convinced in the slightest, “Spill the truth Winter.”
She sighed, he could see right through her and she knew it. “Look, Penny is a sweet girl who’s gone through a lot like you have and she’s struggling to find someone to relate with. And yeah both she and Riley have gone through shit, but Penny is really sensitive and there was some other stuff that happened that’s left her shaken up. I’m not forcing you to be friends with her, but I know that you’ve been looking to relate to someone as well. I think Penny is that someone.”
He fidgeted with his hands for a moment, “I’m getting better you know. I’ve been talking to people in my classes and Andrea has been a great help as well.”
“I know and you’re doing great!” Winter reassured him, “This is just something to think about. If you’re free, the offer’s there.”
Jax paused, as though he were thinking about it. Why was this happening, why was he talking to Winter as though he did this before? Why did it feel like he knew Winter for a lifetime? Why was he begging himself to say yes next? Winter was supposed to be a dream, Penny was supposed to be a dream, all of this was supposed to be a dream!
“You know what, sure, what not. But if she pulls a Riley and sucker punches me in the face I’m blaming you,” He pointed at her.
Winter laughed, shaking her head. “Penny would never do that. And Riley thinks you’re cool! She won’t be getting pissed at you anytime soon.”
Jax gave her an uneasy nod, “Uh huh, if that’s what you say. I’ll check my schedule and see if I’m free. Don’t make me regret this.”
“Oh please, have I ever been wrong?” Winter scoffed.
“Should I list it off right now?” Jax chortled as she punched him in the shoulder.
The second Winter made contact with him, she vanished, leaving the rabbit stunned. That moment, it happened before, didn’t it? This wasn’t some hallucination, this…this was a memory. His mind flashed, he gripped his head as it pounded with agony.
“Hey cariño, how are you doing?”
Another voice snapped him out of it as he whipped round to face a short older woman with darks curls. Her eyes remined him of Winter.
“I…I’m fine,” He sniffed, “I’m really sorry for snapping Laura.”
“Est á bien, come here,” she stepped closer, wanting to comfort him but gave him some space in case he didn’t want to be touched. “I know you’ve been through a lot, and though I’m not happy with some of the ‘colourful language’ you used, you’re a part of our family now and we’re never gonna let anyone hurt you ever again.”
Jax wiped his eyes, how could someone be so forgiving? If only she knew what type of things he did here, “I don’t deserve this Laura.”
Laura tsked at him, “Everyone deserves a chance to be happy. You, you’re just a kid who went through hell and back, you deserve one more than anyone. It’s gonna be okay.”
She opened his arms for him. Jax leapt forward, desperate for the hug she was offering. But just like Winter before, she vanished before he could get the chance.
Laura, Winter, Riley he knew these people, didn’t he? These…these weren’t dreams.
“Okay, I need a little help here. What do you think? Indoor wedding or outdoor wedding?”
That…that was…how…
He turned, only to see Pomni sitting on the bed this time, with a laptop on her knees. The stage disappeared, the rooms of an apartment bedroom replacing them, with only the jester and the rabbit looking the same as before.
“I…I don’t mind, I want this to be your dream wedding sweetie,” he said, moving to sit beside her, “Whatever your heart desires.”
Pomni blushed, gripping the laptop tighter. “Stop being charming and help! This is your wedding too, where do you want it?”
“My dream wedding is your dream wedding,” he replied suavely with a shit-eating grin.
She groaned at his teasing, closing the laptop and flung it onto the plush mattress and she flopped her back onto the bed. “I’m serious,” Pomni told him, “I need to know cause if we want it outside we need to figure out a good date so that it doesn’t rain. But if we want it inside should we rent out a hotel or get married in the church? If your family even religious? And don’t even get me started on the menu with all the dietary requirements and the types of food everyone wants. And my dress – oh god my dress I totally forgot-”
She was cut off by her own squeal when Jax’s hand shot out and tickled her belly, making her curl up and giggle. “Okay, okay, let’s keep calm,” he said, soothingly as he retreated his hand, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause you more stress.”
“No, it’s me,” she sighed as she hugged her knees to her chest. “I panic about everything, it’s no surprise I’m panicking over our wedding. Pathetic, huh?”
“Hey,” he gathered her in his arms and carried her over to the headboard of the bed, sitting them both down as he cradled her in his arms. “You are not pathetic, and I should’ve been more sympathetic. I know you want this to be the ‘perfect wedding’, but I don’t want you to overwork yourself.” Jax kissed his forehead, “The only reason why I suggested that you choose was because you’ve been so caught up on making sure this wedding was perfect for everyone else, you forgot to ask yourself what you wanted. I’ll help you with planning, but for now, would you rather get married inside of outside?”
Pomni smiled sweetly at him, placing an appreciative kiss on his cheek before humming in thought. “Outside, during summer. But then have dinner and the reception inside.”
“There you go,” Jax gave her a squeeze, making her laugh as she snuggled into his arms. “Don’t worry, I’ll handle the menu and all the other stuff that’s giving you grief.”
“Except for the dress,” she informed him, “I wanna handle my dress, no surprises for you mister!”
“Oh no!” he whined sarcastically, making his fiancé laugh harder. “How will I cope with not seeing the beautiful dress my future wife will wear!”
“You’ll survive,” she tapped his nose.
He took her hand, placing a kiss on the inside of her palm.
“I love you Penny,” he whispered.
“I love you too Jack,” she hushed back.
There was no longer a jester and rabbit in that room, replacing them was a young couple with rings on their fingers as they gazed into one another’s eyes with so much love.
Jax blinked and he was back on the empty stage.
“He…I…Pomni…Penny,” he inhaled, fisting his shirt. “I’m…Jack.”
The waves became stronger, suddenly everything was rushing back to him. From the fears of his childhood, his friendship with Winter, his newfound family with the Alvarez’s…and Penny. The love of his life. And she was here. She went looking for him and she’s…
“Pomni!” he gasped.
Penny was Pomni! Pomni was Penny!
She found him! He found her! And she…she went looking for him, after everything he did.
Jax let go of his shirt. He had to find her, he had to tell her how sorry he was, that he couldn’t believe she was here, that we would never let her go ever again!
He let his feet lead him, searching and scanning everywhere for the jester. He had to get to her, he had to!
“Jack! Jax!” Pomni continued to search every room. She dodged every gag thrown at her, she didn’t leave a door wasted unless a purple rabbit was inside. She called out his name, loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough to not wake anyone. Especially Caine.
…
“Pomni?!” Jax ran up to the first hallway, calling out the jester’s name, begging for an answer. His stomach churned when there wasn’t a response. He wouldn’t stop, he had to keep going until she was found. “Penny!”
…
Pomni ran up to the stage, it was the only place left. Maybe he was behind the curtain, planning some kind of prank for tomorrow. “Jax?!” she shoved the curtain aside, but there was no rabbit in sight, only the wooden floorboards and the looming height of the ceiling above her. So much space yet he still wasn’t here. He couldn’t have abstracted, it might have sounded crazy but she swore she could still feel him here. She can’t give up. “Jack!” She ran off the stage.
…
Jax raced up the stairs to the rooftop, where they had their late-night conversation, she had to be here! He looked everywhere so she had to be! When he arrived however, the only things that greeted him was the twinkling stars in the sky and the vast endless world of the circus grounds. But still no jester inside. Inside, she still had to be inside. And so inside he went.
…
Pomni sprinted back up the stairs and into another hallway, she lost count at this point, but she was determined to keep going. She was going to start checking when the door flung open at the end of the hall, revealing a panting and exasperated Jax. Pomni froze, was it really…?
Jax pushed some of his dishevelled fur back, about to continue searching when his yellow eyes made contact with Pomni’s red and blue. It was her, she was here. She was up to, did she know? There was only one way to find out. “Penny?”
Pomni felt her eyes well up with tears, for the first time, she was crying with joy here. “Jack,” she let out a relieved breath and ran up to him.
Jax let laugh-mixed cry escape from his throat as he ran to Pomni as well. The jester jumped into his arms, with him sliding an arm under to support as she gripped the fur at his neck while he grasped onto her pyjama shirt. Jax pressed kisses all over her face wherever he could reach, Pomni laughed wetly and did the same. He spun her round, nothing but carefree laughter filled the empty hall. Only two lost souls finally finding each other against all the odds thrown at them.
“It was the dreams!” she spoke between kisses, “You were in my dreams! It helped me remember!”
“Me too, I had the dreams too,” he replied, as she pressed two kisses to each of his eyelids, “You were in every one of them Penny.”
The small kisses seized and the two returned to holding each other as tightly as they could. This wasn’t a dream, it would be too cruel for them. Pomni wasn’t sure if she could bear it. “Is this real?” she barely whispered into the rabbit’s ear.
“Yeah, this is real as it can get Pen,” he buried his head into her shoulder. “I’m so sorry Penny. This is all my fault.”
“No,” she cupped his cheeks into her hands, “None of this was your fault, you didn’t know you were gonna get sucked into this.”
“But I left you,” he sniffed. “I left you and said all those awful things and got you trapped here too. I didn’t mean it, any of it! I love you so much Penny! I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, hey,��� she wiped away his tears, “I’ve already forgiven you long before my mind was stolen here. I love you too.”
He rested his forehead against hers, he missed this, he missed her so much.
She missed him too, all those months of him being gone when everyone tried to look for him. Trail after trail yet still coming up empty. It was too much to bear, to scream out a name that wouldn’t answer back. But he was here, he was alive, he remembered her and she remembered him! It was her turn to cry now, letting a few stray tears fall.
Jax immediately noticed her sniffling, stroking her hair and pressing her face into her shoulder as he soothingly rubbed his hand up and down her back. Wordlessly, he carried her back to the bedroom hallways, make his way to his room. His bed was big enough for the two of them.
Once he entered, he noticed that his bed was still made – due to the fact that he decided to sleep on the stage – with a small stuffed plushie of him in the centre of the pillows. He shut the door with his foot, carrying Pomni to the bed as he laid her down. She didn’t want to let go, but he pried her fingers off him and laid down next to her, pulling a comforter over the two of them.
Pomni grabbed the plushie, squeezing it tight before latching herself onto Jax, not wanting to lose his touch for a second. He was the same, holding her as though she would disappear if he let go. “I never thought I’d get a chance like this again,” she mumbled, “When you disappeared I just-”
“Shh,” he pressed a kiss to her hair, “I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. Never again.”
“Jax...Jack,” her mind was still processing everything, “What made you…why did you…what happened?”
He sighed, stroking her hair. She meant what made him react the way he did that day. The day he left and set of this catalyst. He had to tell her, hiding it caused all of this. He gulped and felt her small hand grip his. With the newfound reassurance, he began, “You remember when I told you about my old foster family?” He felt her nod against him, “Well, the day when I went to get the stuff you like from the coffee shop, I ran into my foster brother Luke.” He heard her gasp, she knew about everything Luke did to him when he was a kid, even the bad stuff. “Yeah, the things he said, it made me spiral a bit. I was gonna tell you and go to Andrea about what happened, but I just felt so weak to do that. There so much going in my head, so much fear and anger. I just wanted to handle it on my own so no one else could be affected by it. Heh, guess that didn’t turn out so well.”
He felt her snuggle closer. “It’s just,” Jax continued, “I was doing so well. I was happy, had a good support system, fell in love.” He ran his fingers through her hair, making her hum appreciatively, “I always thought that if something like that happened I could talk to someone about it. I relapsed pretty hard though. And I’m sorry that you were the one who had to pay for it.”
“Jack-” she started.
He pressed a finger to her lips. “Please, let me finish. You have been nothing but the most extraordinary person in my life, you were always prepared to be there for me whenever I was gonna go through something. I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you about this. I do trust you with talking about this, I’m the problem. You didn’t deserve any of the hurt I placed onto you. I love you so much, and I’m really sorry.”
She brushed the fur on his cheeks with a smile, “Like I said, I forgive you. I know you Jack, I know how hard it’s been for you. But I also know that you’re able to overcome it as well. That’s something Luke has never been able to do. You made a life for yourself, Luke is just an insecure jerk who was jealous that you were able to be happy. If I ever see him again, I’m gonna use that move Riley taught me and use it on him.”
“You don’t mean…” Jax gaped.
Pomni gave him a sly grin, “Oh yeah, that move.”
“Oh you’re vicious, woman,” he chuckled, diving to her neck and pressed a dozen kisses to her collarbones, “I love it!”
“Jax!” she chortled, trying to shove his shoulders away. “You idiot! Get off!”
“I have to shower my little lady with all the love she deserves. I never knew she could be so wicked! I can’t believe I’m rubbing off on you short stack,” he pressed a few more to the sensitive spot behind her ear, earning him a yip from Pomni.
“Jack!” she giggled. She then dove her head to the side of his neck, taking his fur between her teeth and nipped him.
“Ow! Pomni!” he let out a laugh as he retaliated, “Okay, I yield I yield!” He fell back against his pillows as Pomni laid her head on his chest, feeling rather proud of herself. “You do realise your teeth are sharper here, right?”
“Good,” she hummed, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“Jeez,” his chest shook as he laughed, “Riley taught you well, huh?”
Her sister…Pomni’s smile faded. It had been so long since she last saw her older sister.
Jax immediately picked up on her downed mood, cupping her cheek and lifting her head to his. “Talk to me,” he said.
“I-,” Pomni sighed, “I miss Riley so much. And my mom too. I can’t imagine what they’re going through right now. I forgot about them. They matter so much to me and I just forgot about them! And now that I remember them, it just makes me miss them so much. All I want is to find a way, any way to reach out to them! To tell them that I’m okay and that I’m trying my best to get back to them! I just wanna go home.”
Jax pulled her closer, running his fingers up and down her back again. “I know, I know. I get it. I miss my family too,” he told her. “I miss Winter and her teasing, I miss Laura and her empathy, I miss Nina and Alex’s craziness. I miss everyone. But we’re gonna get back home. I know we will.”
“But it’s impossible,” Pomni interjected, “The exit doors, the void. It all leads nowhere.”
“We remember who we are, don’t we?” he remined her, “That’s a sign that there might be a way to escape this place. Those dreams, we had them for a reason, to remind us of who we are. We’ll find a way.”
“And Caine?” Pomni asked, her voice taking on a more subdued and unsure tone, “What’s gonna happen when he finds out about this.”
Jax froze, recalling that not only had Caine frightened her before with him yelling at her. But he never forgot how Caine had watched her drown, without making a move to help her. He watched Pomni tremble at the thought of the AI, the poor thing was terrified of him. He gripped her tightly and protectively, earning him a surprised squeak from the jester. “Caine isn’t gonna do anything,” he informed her, “If that pair of dentures tries to do anything to you, I will tear him apart. He won’t hurt you while I’m around.”
“He’s a force to be reckoned with Jack,” she said, “The second he catches that something is different he’ll stop at nothing to make sure it’s erased.”
“Then we’ll make sure he doesn’t find out about us,” Jax suggested, “We’ll pretend that nothing’s happened. We’re just two people who don’t know anything about our pasts and are just trying to survive here.”
There was still a bit of doubt lingering at the back of her mind. But Jax’s voice spoke nothing but honesty and safety, she couldn’t help but feel inclined to believe him. “You sure we’re able to do that?”
“Well, you’re going to have to control being head over heels in love with me, but I’m sure we can hide it pretty well,” he was cut off by a pillow whacking him in the face. “No please, not my pretty face!”
“That pretty face of yours won’t save you now bunny boy!” she snickered as she continued to pillow attack. “Besides, you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself in the maze! You picked me up and everything!”
“Only because you cuddled me in your sleep!” he retorted through another laugh, managing to grab her arms and pull her back onto his chest, caging her in his grasp.
Pomni tried to wriggle out and whack him again, but the warmth of his body and softness of his fur lulled her into a state of relaxation. Never mind, she would get him back later. “You’re the worst,” she muttered, “But I don’t mind.”
“Heh, I know…” he paused, taking both her cheeks in his hands again and raised her gaze to his. “Trust me, we’re gonna get out of here. And we’ll see our families again.”
Pomni nodded, a sweet smile gracing her features, “I believe you.”
Jax pressed another kiss to the centre of her face before she relaxed in his hold again.
The two paused, a low tension filled the room as they let their eyes linger on one another for a bit longer than they would like to admit. Slowly, Jax and Pomni came closer and let their lips touch ever so gently. It felt different – they weren’t human lips after all – but it was like all the kisses that they had shared before. Whether it was a chaste peck, a deep kiss when no one was looking, or a promise left on one another’s lips after a night tangled sheets, each one was filled with nothing but the tender and sweet love that they shared for each other.
They pulled away, both of them letting out a breath. Within the silence, they were sure they could hear their hearts racing a million miles per hour. Unable to hold back, the two let out a mirth-filled laugh and as they connected their lips again.
And again, and again, and again.
After a while, they settled back into the mattress, With Jax running his fingers through Pomni’s hair and over her back, making sure that this was real, that he finally had his memories back, that he finally had Penny back. She squeezed him, a silent telling for him that confirmed what he wanted to know. This was real.
“I love you,” Jax whispered into her hair.
“I love you too,” Pomni breathed back to him.
That night everything was perfect. That night the storm had finally cleared. That night, two separated spirits finally found their way back to each other. That night, they would stop at nothing until freedom was granted for them and everyone else here.
That night, Jack and Penny slept in each other’s arms.
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Riley sighed as she drove down the road, taking a breath to steady her nerves. She had just come back from work after another endless and failed search for her sister and Jack. Winter was at her mother’s house with their son, it was her day off and her wife desperately needed a break. It took some convincing and promising, but Winter had eventually agreed to go.
It was a hard time for them both, but after the stress of Jack being added to her pregnancy and the birth of Percy, it hit Winter hard. But it didn’t mean that Riley wasn’t affected too. Seeing her baby sister’s face plastered on a missing poster, a constant reminder that mocked her over the fact that Penny was missing. It made Riley want to scream, cry, punch someone in the face, beg to whatever entity that was out there to return her little sister.
It wasn’t fair, Penny was innocent she didn’t deserve this.
And Jack, oh how she wished she took back everything she said about Jack. Of course she was protective over her sister but hearing Winter’s cry every night over her lost brother, it just made the guilt of saying those things to him sting so much worse.
Riley groaned, rubbing a hand over her face. What she needed was a glass of wine to calm her nerves before tackling anything else.
She was coming up to her and Winter’s house when she stopped the car as quietly as she could beside her neighbour’s house. At her front door was a man, his back was facing her so she couldn’t get a good look at his face. He seemed to be looking through the window on the door, trying to get a look through the patterned glass to see if there was anyone inside. Riley reached for her belt, unhooking some pepper spray that she had on hand. Even before she became an FBI agent, she was always well equipped with it in case anyone tried something.
When the man started to move to the windows on the side of the house did she start to intervene, hopping out the car as quietly as she could and made her way up to him. He was lucky that Winter and Percy weren’t here, otherwise it would have been a lot worse for this intruder. She snuck up behind him as he tried to peer through the windows, not noticing the fuming redhead coming up.
Before he could register the glimpse of her shadow, Riley grabbed his arm and threw him over her shoulder, sending him to the ground before pressing a foot on his stomach, making sure he didn’t get up. “Who are you? What the hell are you doing loitering around my house?!” she demanded, aiming the pepper spray at him.
The man whimpered, he looked quite young. But Riley didn’t relent, he was still an intruder after all. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he cried, holding his hands up in surrender, “I wasn’t trying to do anything bad! I was just wanting to see if you were in!”
“Oh really?” Riley wasn’t convinced in the slightest, “Normal people don’t try to look in the windows to see if anyone’s in!”
“Wait, wait, wait!” he begged, he was trembling now, “I swear, I didn’t mean any harm! I just need your help! Please!”
Riley slightly lowered the pepper spray. She got a proper look at his face once the guy’s arms were lowered. He looked pretty young, probably starting college but the look in his eyes made him seem more youthful than he should. Guilt twinged at her, he was probably some awkward kid who didn’t know any better. She signed, putting the pepper spray away and taking her foot off, letting the young man gather himself but still kept an eye on him in case he did anything suspicious. He was still a stranger lurking around her house.
“Talk,” she said, keeping her hand on her belt.
The boy gulped, wringing his hands anxiously. “R-right,” he cleared his throat, “You’re Riley Reed right? Your younger sister is Penny Reed?”
She stiffened at her sister’s name, each muscle in her body tightening, “My last name has been all over the news since she disappeared, if it isn’t obvious enough.”
“I k-know,” the boy nodded, noticing the woman’s unease. “My name I-is Samual, Samual Abel.”
She knew that name, back when the very first case came out, “Your Kaleb and Quinn Abel’s kid, aren’t you?”
The boy’s face lit up, “Yes! I mean, yes, that’s me. Look, I know this might be hard to believe but I think I know what happened to your sister.”
Riley froze, as though a bucket of ice had landed on her head. “You…you know what happened to Penny?”
“Well, no, kind of?” Samual told her.
“Excuse me?” she groaned, “You came all this way here to tell me that you might know what happened to Penny, only for you to say that you actually don’t. You better not be wasting my time here.”
“I’m not!” he exclaimed, “I’m not, trust me! Whatever happened to your sister, I know it has something to do with C&A!”
“And why should I believe you?” she crossed her arms. “I’m not here to entertain whatever conspiracy theory you’ve got going on. You can’t dangle the promise of me being able to see my sister again and then say you have no idea what’s going on!”
“Because whatever happened to her happened to my parents!” Samual cried, “I know they wouldn’t just leave me, I know something was going on that day and whatever it is, it’s started taking other people, including your sister! I’ve just been too afraid to investigate because Jason always told me that it’s all in my head, but I don’t think it is anymore.”
Riley paused for a moment. This kid seemed to be genuine with what he was saying. He’d been dealing with this much longer than she had, his parents were the first to go. To have to bear with that type of weight and have everyone turn you away when you wanted to look for them. The way he spoke, as if he knew something was going on. What if this was really the first step to finding Penny?
“I know it sounds crazy,” Samual admitted, “But I need your help. You’re one of the only people that I can think of who can help me with something like this. Please Riley, you’ve gotta trust me with this.”
If this was true, if C&A had something to do with her little sister going missing, if Samual was really speaking the truth, then she couldn’t turn away from this. There was an internal pull, her gut screaming at her to go through with this, to take this chance, that if she chose this then she’ll find Penny and Jack.
Riley sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and index finger before looking back at Samual, “You better know what you’re doing.”
The kid looked like a thousand fireworks went off in his brain, jumping and fist bumping the air in complete and utter joy. “Yes! Thank you!” he cheered, going in for a hug.
“Nuh uh,” she raised a hand to stop him, “No touching.”
“Right, sorry, of course,” he apologised, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, just glad to have someone on my side.”
“Baby steps,” Riley told him, “There’s a long road ahead of us.”
“I know, trust me, you won’t regret this,” he beamed, “We might actually find them.”
Riley hummed, “I hope so kid. I hope so.”
Hang in there, Penny, I’m coming.
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End of Part 1
To Be Continued...
#the amazing digital circus#jax#pomni#pomnijax#funnybunny#ragatha#gangle#kinger#zooble#caine#bubble#my writing#dragon rambles#fanfiction#fanfic#ao3
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people on twitter are being so loud about things that aren’t correct.
1. people are saying that k and kat were friends up until k and sam got together but that’s not true. a shocking amount of people think that. kat was “friends” and i say that loosely because they were never close friends, with singer girl not k.
2. people are still going off on colby because of the poem mlp posted. they’re saying that colby always pretends to date these girls like mlp, stas, and amber. also not true. the only one of those girls that he genuinely pretended to date was amber for the video they did together. he did not pretend to date mlp. they all just played into what she was feeding them behind the scenes. same thing with stas, they were never more than friends but they let themselves get convinced by her that they were together. if any of those girls are hurting it’s because they did it to themselves. im so over that damn app lol.
and you’re right with the k live making fun of kat situation. it could be about singer girl (i forget what you guys call her haha) but because people are so mad at sam moving on they want her to be evil so bad. and people are already coming out saying “i never trusted those girls anyway” 🙂 laugh out loud. first of all, m has nothing to do with if k was making fun of kat on live bc she wasn’t live with her it was a different friend. and second of all, if every single time that snc has a girl around you have to say you had a bad feeling about them maybe you should look inward. maybe you should do some soul searching because there’s a pattern there that is toxic as hell. not every girl around snc is out to get them.
sorry this is so long i’m just so over this year and it’s literally only mid january😄 i never knew so much could happen in such a short time
honestly anon, you are absolutely right and i agree with you a million percent.
1. kat and k were never friends. i don’t even think they followed one another at any point. the only way they knew each other was bc of ms singer and kat being on the same label. but none of them were close or really even friends, besides k and ms singer.
and as we know now, k didn’t really even make fun of kat. fans were jumping to conclusions because they don’t like that sam has moved on to k, and colby has moved onto m, and so they take it out on the girls. i mean, they also take it out on colby because sam never does anything wrong and he’s the golden child but you know… same difference lol
2. this argument is one i don’t understand truthfully. even him and amber barely pretended to date. they teased the fandom like twice and that was it. they constantly reiterated that they were just flirty friends.
when it comes to mlp and stas… i could literally fist fight someone over the shit that was said lol jk
mlp has been airing out colby’s shit for the past two weeks bc he rejected her, finally. and ppl are trying to paint her like she is some innocent victim that got played by the evil colby brock. and look, i get that being rejected can suck and not having your feelings reciprocated hurts deeply. i know those feelings very well. but she claims that they were each others’ rocks, that they relied on each other for support and always came running to one another when things got tough. but now she’s casually telling fans in her live streams that colby has had multiple mid life crisis and he has secrets she can’t talk about. and then in her poems, which all have basically been confirmed to be about him, she talks about him having a darkness in him and that his shadows keep them apart and she was the light he needed and it’s just like………. for the longest time, my issue with her is that she has never been satisfied with just having colby as a friend. that she always needed more. but in the time frame of trying to get to that other side, they grew a deep bond. but now, bc she’s hurt, she’s just saying everything he told her. and that’s just disgusting behavior to me. you want to talk about the pain you’re in? that’s fine. but to air out shit he’s never even told us?? how fucked in the head are you to think that’s what one person should do to another? especially someone you called your twin soul? your rock? not to mention, but you’ve made it seem like he needs to be fixed and you’re the one to do it…
if he does have something dark inside of him, which to me just reads as her saying depression, you’re absolutely fucked in the head if you think someone like that needs fixing. especially by a horse girl like yourself. you still act like a high schooler and you’re 30. how about you get your shit together first, kiddo.
and then with stas, that shit just never happened lol she did the same thing as mlp: tried to plant seeds in the fandom that something else was going on with them. liked comments shipping the two of them, constantly answered questions about him. she did what mlp did but in a shorter time frame. and when malishkagate happened, and fans started congratulating the two of them for finally being together (even tho it’s very obvious that she took his phone after he filmed her and wrote “malishka” as the caption since clearly that man doesn’t know russian), that was the beginning of the end for anything they *could* have had. and then she went on her subscription service after they came home from europe and hung out with colby and friends one more time, only to tell her fans that she was going on a date and then posted colby. so… no wonder that man iced her out. i would too if you were going around and bragging to friends that you got posted on my snapchat 👀
also what i find the most annoying is that there are some fans that blame the downfall of the core four as colby’s doing……… as if a major component of the core four wasn’t a LITERAL couple that broke up. like bffr. and wasn’t stas literally complaining about being abandoned during one of kat’s streams and when she was asked about it, she just kept ignoring anything that had to do with stas?
but i guess that’s none of my business….
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tagged by @hauntedwoman to talk about 5 things i’m obsessed with <33333 thank you!!!
1. succession surprise, surprise. i’ve finally gotten around to starting a full succession rewatch and i’ve been taking notes. first and foremost, one of my missions for this rewatch was to really focus in on shiv as a character because the first time i watched it and then rewatched it, i was a huge tom and kendall girl and honestly really did not like shiv :( but i recognize now that my dislike for her was mostly a result of my own internalized misogyny and also because she is a woman written by men and they really do their best to make her one of the less sympathetic characters in the show. i also think that a big chunk of fans online (esp twitter) are quick to label her an evil woman and, when defending their pov, they tend to bring up her behavior towards tom and kendall while also ignoring how both tom and kendall have treated her. i’m really enjoying this rewatch and have really grown to love shivvy. her relationship with tom also reminds me a lot of macbeth and lady macbeth and i think that their relationships have a lot of parallels and i find it very very interesting!!! i’m hoping to compile enough evidence to write something comprehensible about it. also, ROMAN. i literally did not give a shit about roman until the last few episodes of season four which is crazy but something has come over me. i think it’s his issues with intimacy and refusal to let anyone like actually see him and love him that has really bonded me to him <3 additionally there is something about kieran culkin (and rory…) that has bewitched me this summer. i think it’s kieran’s little fangs. i’m obsessed
2. the enormity of my desire disgusting me <3 welcome to truelovewaitsmp3 on tumblr dot com. this summer, i don’t think i’ve opened my journal without writing about how bad i want someone to love me, to look at the mess of my insides and all of this gross desire and love me anyways. to quote something i said to katy alpacinolover in an email, “I DON’T WANT SOMETHING CASUAL. I WANT TO BE THE PREY IMPALED ON YOUR SHRIKE’S THORN.” there’s something to be said about shame here and probably a million other things but i’ve written it so many times already that i don’t care to repeat it here.
3. ??? (stone fruits) two weeks ago, i bought a carton of nine plums from a local produce market. i had been rotting on the couch all day and decided that if i didn’t get up and put on real clothes and go buy a plum i was going to die. the most erotic experience i’ve ever had was eating a plum over newly washed cream sheets, plum viscera under my nails and between my teeth, wine colored juice dripping down my chin and onto my sheets. when the plums were gone, i found two forgotten nectarines in the fridge. i have been assigned “the love song of j alfred prufrock” for three different classes over the last four years (high school english, western humanities and then british lit in college) and each time, the line “do i dare eat a peach” was said to refer to prufrock’s acid reflux. in my american lit class, my professor brought it up one day and told us that it referred to oral sex. anyways. a nectarine is not a peach but i find the experience just as enjoyable.
4. wasteland, baby (2019) for whatever reason, i’ve always gravitated more towards hozier’s first album. however, over the past two months, i have listened through wasteland, baby an insane amount of times. something about the world ending and having someone there to hold through it. this album is also so incredibly sexy and is home to the horniest and sweetest hozier songs (TALK, be, dinner & diatribes, movement, etc). at the end of the title track, hozier whispers “that’s it” and i lose my mind. nfwmb is an honorary wasteland baby track, to me, and also a song that makes me insane and that i have had on repeat lately. i’m scared and excited to see what unreal unearth is going to do to me.
5. a past that i cannot go back to !!!! my hometown is filled with too many ghosts. summer digs them back up. i drive past her mom’s house and have to see her stupid car. someone else comes into work and i have to be reminded of everything i’ve missed out on. i have written about the same thing so many times i’m afraid that my story is metamorphosing.
hiiii ok i’m tagging @alpacinolover (i know you’ve already been tagged by someone else but i really need you to do this) @motherofvinegar @kenromshiv and anyone else who wants to do it! im tagging u.
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I rarely post on this account. But I have to say something. I can't stay silent anymore.
(picture to catch attention)
Please. Don't scroll past this.
I'll be honest, over the past few days and weeks, I've been trying my best to avoid talking about the g3n0cide happening in Palestine. I've been trying to keep my eyes on the positive, to think about other things, doing everything in my power to not have to face the reality of what's happening.
I can't do that anymore, and now that I've realized that.. I've also seen that there are SO many others doing the same. Even in my own friend group.
People are being murdered. Families are being torn apart. Lives are being destroyed. Bloodlines are being erased.
Israel has killed more than 3,000 children. CHILDREN, who had their ENTIRE LIVES ahead of them, have been and ARE BEING killed.
As I write this, this is happening. Who knows how many lives are being taken as I type each letter.
And yet, there are people who seem to just.. not care.
Even one of my closest and dearest friends said it directly to my face, that she DOESN'T CARE.
All I can think about is.. HOW?
How can you NOT CARE? HOW can you sit there and openly admit that you don't care what happens to AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE?
How can you scroll through ANY social media platform, from Twitter to Instagram, and willingly decide that you could care LESS if THOUSANDS of people, children, are being killed.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
This isn't new, either.
This isn't something that happened all of a sudden.
This didn't start in October of 2023.
This has been happening for DECADES.
This is not a "fair fight."
This is not "war."
This is the mass eradication of a people, a culture, of LIFE.
This is the deliberate killing or severe mistreatment of a large number of people from a particular national or ethnic group, with the aim of DESTROYING that nation or group.
Do you hear me?
DESTROYING.
On another note, how can that friend sit there and say that they don't care, when OUR OWN GOVERNMENT is actively supporting and funding this?
How can you just sit there and be OKAY with this? How can one be okay with the fact that the people in these EXTREMELY powerful positions are allowing- ENABLING this to happen? How can you ignore it any longer?
How can I ignore this any longer?
I tried. I tried to push it down. To look the other way. I tried to keep it in the back of my mind, despite me knowing in my heart that I was wrong.
At first, I tried to reason with myself, I tried to come up with an excuse as to why I wasn't doing anything. Why I wasn't trying my best to spread awareness.
"I'm a minor, so I can't do much anyway."
"I don't know enough about the situation to have a say in it."
"Even if I DID donate, or boycott, or do something else to help, it wouldn't do anything in the end."
STOP IT.
If you're ignoring this, if you're actively deciding to turn a blind eye and avoid the reality of what's happening.. if you continue to do this, you are apart of the problem.
By staying quiet, we are contributing to the harm and enabling it.
I had to say this to myself, and now I'm saying it to anyone else thinking these thoughts.
I thought I was "staying neutral," and "staying positive." I was just in denial.
I was in denial that my own government, the leaders meant to protect me, my family, and the MILLIONS of other people living in my country- the country that speaks of "freedom and liberty for all," the country that calls itself one of the greatest in the world, can sit back and enable something as HORRIFIC as this. It's disgusting.
I've always been somewhat bothered by the fact that I have to associate with this country nationality-wise, but now it's reached its peak.
I'm ashamed to call myself an American. I'm ashamed that many of the people enabling, and even AGREEING with this are FELLOW Americans.
I'm begging you, please don't scroll past this. Please reblog, share, tell people, do WHATEVER YOU CAN to keep this situation in the spotlight, as well as the other events similar to this going on in places like Congo.
If you STILL feel like you can't do anything, I have a place for you to start.
The website linked below uses ad revenue to donate, and all you have to do is click a button, for COMPLETELY free. You can click once a day, and If you want to donate more than once, you can open incognito tabs and click as many times as you want ↴
Help the Palestinian People with a Click | arab.org
On Twitter, under hashtags such as #CeasefireNOW and #FreePalestine, there are HUNDREDS of threads with resources to get updates on what's happening, places to donate, Palestinian-owned business to support, Pro-Israel brands to boycott, Pro-Palestine brands to support, etc.
I also suggest following Noury on Twitter if you have it. She lives in Palestine and has been documenting her firsthand experience and day-to-day life.
A link to her account ↴
Noury 🇵🇸 (@Noony_Boony) / X (twitter.com)
Please, don't be passive. Don't be silent. Keep reblogging, reposting, make your OWN posts if you desire to. Just don't let this movement be silenced.
I'll be tagging everything I can possibly think of to help this get to more people. If you do reblog this please do the so it can reach as many people as possible.
#palestine#ceasefire now#free gaza#end genocide#anime#artwork#nail art#poetry#writing#photography#tag game#picrew#important#lifestyle#blog#world news#worldwide#fanfic#ao3#architecture#archive of our own#ceasefire
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The amount of people I've blocked since yesterday is huge. I understand being frustrated but straight up hate is not the answer lmao. And they love to say "im only joking" but it's like... are you? if writing awful hate comments and just being an asshole is how you "joke" then maybe u should check yourself.
And not to be that person, but our fanbase loves coddling a certain player who keeps missing obvious goal chances and it's also not playing well and he has been there for a while now. So, what the fuck.
Just... give constructive criticism and don't be a fucking asshole to anyone. Oh, and I'm only talking about what I've seen here on Tumblr, i don't have a twitter account so i can only imagine how awful everything must be over there (or even instagram).
Even with how insane it can get, I usually enjoy footie twt, but yesterday/today I did my first ever blockings. And I do think I'm pretty tough-skinned when it comes to handling hate towards my favourites, so you can only imagine how bad were things there. Not here, I think tumblr is quite disrespectful in this regard, or maybe I just follow the right people, lol.
All for constructive criticism, but some of those people don't even criticise, they just hate. You can tell it wasn't even a moment of passion for them, they must have been sitting for weeks on those hateful agendas towards certain players or the team in general. The late and lucky winners we had in the past couple of weeks just left no room for them to talk. Yesterday gave them the chance to unleash all that bottled up hate.
Ridiculous, isn't it? Yes, yesterday was very disappointing, not even because of the result, but for the reaction and performance we showed for being in the top 4 and possible title-contenders, but if there is any time to stick by your club and support your players, this is one. I'm as frustrated as anyone, because you can tell that something is not clicking, and with the fantastic players we have and the manager, we are still absolute favourites for both the Prem, the EL or the domestic cups. We were saved by brilliant individual performances from different players all season so far - because hate to say this, but team spirit got left in the dressing room in a few games -, yet some of those players were getting dragged, like it's only them on and only them. Always singling out players, hating on whoever gets the most engagement.
My one-sided beef with the Anfield Agenda bald dude literally turned into a public enemy type of situation, when I saw what he said to say about Salah for example:
This is NOT how you talk about a club legend, even if he did have a few poorer (and only by his standards!!) games. Not even if he had a poor season ffs, how disgusting this man can be! He has a lot to say for someone, who literally looks like aboiled egg left in the back of the fridge for who learnt how to talk and decided to have a tiktok page.
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Life, sort of
I can't access Twitter lately, so I thought mb I should try to be more active here. Yes, I know I said it before, but my VPN hasn't been working for weeks and I kind of miss people. I miss life, in general. For the past nearly 2 years, life has been hell in my country: mass arrests, toxic propaganda, army drafts, idiotic laws, silencing the media and public opinion, to say nothing of the horror we have been inflicting on another country. I don't know about most people but I do feel ashamed and depressed, even though I am, have always been, and always will be staunchly anti-war. Seriously, how have people not learnt to solve their disagreements in a less insane way over the course of our history?
Today, yet another "great" news: LGBT is now considered an extremist organization. They've done all they could to torment queer people short of criminalizing queerness itself. They keep promoting so-called "traditional" values, debating whether women should be allowed access to higher education (I kid you not, this is us in the 21st century) and abortion, all the while wasting 40% of the budget on war; in the meantime, all their beloved "traditional" families live in poverty and find their social support cut. You can get 7, 15, 30 years in prison for changing price tags in a supermarket to anti-war statements, staging an anti-war play, digging into government corruption. Children are being force-fed "patriotic" claptrap at school. Bloggers get fined, arrested or forced to leave the country because they fear for their safety. Life here is a cruel joke.
I know that I personally have little reason to complain, since I haven't been arrested (yet), nor have any of my loved ones. But it doesn't mean I don't get panic attacks (I had them before, I've been seeing a therapist for 6 years, and this situation IS derailing my progress) or fear for the future. My personal future feels ruined too: I can't travel, I can't see my BFF who lives abroad, I can't get paid for my stories even if I do manage to publish them (I write in English and have had 4 stories published in America, but we can neither send, nor accept payment from abroad lately). All this feels so small compared to what other people go through, in both our countries, but it's big to ME. I can't look into the future with any kind of hope because I don't want to live in the country that makes its people and another nation suffer. (Don't get me started on actual things our politicians say, like: Well, if smb drops a nuke on us, it'll be fine, as long as it's not on the capital. [FYI, I live in the capital, but it doesn't mean turning the rest of the country into a nuclear wasteland is fine by me. WUT EVEN!])
Everyone hates my country. We deserve it. I hate my own inability to change that but I'm neither brave, nor smart enough to do anything. When it all started, I tried writing letters to politicians, but this ain't America, nb listens to the people here. The only reply I got was smth like: Well, the West is threatening us, we must defend ourselves, so STFU. Idk what bizarre illusionland these ppl live in. Last time I checked WE were threatening everybody. Including ourselves.
What's the point of this TL;DR? Idk. To speak out in some way, I guess. Like I said, my VPN isn't working, and I can't access Twitter, which is my usual platform for whining XD I'll try to post smth more positive some time. Among other platforms that don't work without VPN are: Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Goodreads, AO3, various torrent sites, BBC sites, many kinds of Western media, and probably a hell of a load more I don't know about. I admire the reporters who are still publishing the truth. It's impossible to hide it from the people these days, but unfortunately, most people just watch TV, which spouts disgusting lies and propaganda.
Nostalgia is a fashionable thing lately, and here's my two cents: I loved the late 90s - early 2000s. Yes, we had problems then too. Like financial crises and local wars. But we had freedom of speech, independent news, we at least tried to respect human rights, we could travel, we had cultural exchanges, foreign tourists, and nb hated us more than any other country. I wasn't ashamed to admit where I was from. I never felt I'd be stuck in a totalitarian state because surely, surely we'd learned! We'd been through it and it wouldn't repeat again. But I guess "all of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again" is a very true saying. I'm so tired. I'm sure I'm not the only one, but I do feel very alone whenever I read the news. I'm lucky in the sense that my family at least shares my opinion, but on a grand scale? I don't know if any meaningful change can be achieved when we can't even form proper opposition: a few parties/organizations both here and abroad are usually at each other's throats instead of working together. So yeah, I'm tired, disappointed, depressed, and idk what else to say.
Wow, hope I don't get arrested for this XD
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What I will say about this tournament was that it was very fun seeing so much crazy fanart and so many passionate fans! I’ve made so many mutuals during this it’s insane, and I have so many projects that I get to start and share with you that I never would have considered making even two weeks ago.
What I will also say is that a lot of you people should be fucking embarrassed. Over the past week or so since the polls went live, I have been harassed, insulted, threatened, bullied. I’ve seen some racist fucking people. I’ve seen some genuine assholes being pieces of shit to campaigners, voters, and even the event organizers.
It’s fucking minecraft. Never before in my six years on this website have I had to turn off my inbox and my replies. Never before have I seen such vitriol from a fandom as “chill” as the Hermitcraft one. Every story I’ve heard about the fandom in 2019, from when Cleo was run off the website, is true, and that kind of behavior still lingers today. Just a few months ago you all bullied Pearl off the website. Just two days ago, I had to delete the Tumblr app off my phone and log out on desktop because someone called me multiple slurs in my askbox because, what, I wanted a Dream SMP member to win a silly tumblr poll? Twitter voters who I considered cool enough to follow said some of the most racist things I’ve seen in my life because, what, a Mexican man was beating their blorbo in a silly tumblr poll? My friends were harassed. Random Quackity voters were harassed. Techno voters were harassed. Wilbur voters. And that’s just what I’ve seen myself. I’m sure there’s more I don’t know about because I haven’t seen it.
There’s a real sense of superiority in certain fandoms on this website. “At least we aren’t them.” Well, maybe you aren’t them. Or you don’t seem to be. But it all lies beneath the surface. It’s all hidden- the vocal minority, what gave the DSMP fandom its bad name- and it rises its ugly head once again.
If you’re one of those people, get off my fucking blog. I never want to see or hear from you again. You disgust me. Go touch some grass and do your math homework.
The poll has been fun. But if I never want to watch hermitcraft again, well. Thanks for that, too.
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I’m happy we’ve all allowed ourself to make fun of the cringe in the new album now. When I listened the first time I took an edible and literally every other song there would be a lyric so embarrassing that would sober me instantly. Like the cherry on top line??? I’m a millennial so I am unfazed by the word lit but every time I heard the word “serotonin” it was an immediate hello-fellow-kids type of ick!!! Like….I assume some of this is like post-irony type of humor but Patrick how did you take yourself seriously?? To be clear! I actually enjoyed most of the album but like…. Bruh… :/
Huge fucking disconnected essay cause I'm procrastinating
Thats how I felt too, the cherry on top line didn't bother me but the shiny dimes lyric did. When Mania came out everyone was roasting the "wearing black" line to death so this is not new lol
Also regarding the serotonin line specifically, it is pretty clearly a 2019-2020 Covid song and even drops 2019 in it, that's when that was first emerging as a meme so I don't necessarily think it was a "fellow kids" thing then. And I think how fast things move now where memes are dead after a week that can be difficult with albums. I also think the song reads as very slightly sardonic
I did think it was strange they mentioned 2019 in a song that came out in 2023, but I also feel like that was a really emotionally charged time that's important to write about and document. But back then, it read as really tone deaf and bratty and out of touch and genuinely incited such raw rage and incensed disgust and primal hatred in me when bands were releasing music about it as it was happening. And I think that feeling was pretty universal. But I like WATTBA now because it's been years and life has moved on. And I think Pete has even talked about how some of the record was written years ago but he knew coming out with a rock record then was a very wrong thing to do, which I agree with completely and admire that he isn't too brainrotted by Los Angeles to notice that.
Speaking broadly about his cliches, I suspect part of this might be that the stuff on their earlier albums was similar, but we were so young when it came out or listened to this so many years after, and therefore didn't recognize it as the same level or incorporating trends. If that makes sense. So perhaps theres some bias there. Like I can't help but wonder if lyrics and vibes like “car crash hearts” was the same level of social media trendy as “serotonin” is now, but I don't know and think it's so wonderful now because I never knew it was an overdone social media thing. If that makes sense. (Also: "I'm every cliche but I simply do it best.")
Sometimes I think theres some questionable lyrics of his that work— ie my favorite album is Save Rock and Roll, and I think it might be the strongest lyrically except maybe Infinity on High. But there are moments like “Let's put the D in dirt now baby” or “Anything you say can and will be held against you, so only say my name” that are like. wannabe coy and stolen from Twitter. But just work really well for some reason. I think the songs are (/ record is) so dark and scary thematically it balances out the pseudocleverness and just comes across as neutral, and Patrick's voice being the way it is really helps. I was also just past 13 when the album came out and wasn't really on social media, so i didn't recognize them as like contemporary cliches and thought Pete came up with them, and by the time I realized he borrowed them I was already so used to them it didn't register at all.
Also I think some of his lyrics aren't particularly clever but are really universal, like "Let your dirty sadness fill you up just like a balloon" doesn't look that great on paper but I think about that line a lot because it's how a certain type of feeling just is and expresses it better than anything else, I think.
Also, their base is kind of aging which is probably a factor as well-- a big business talking point of WWWY and the latest Blink tour was the fact that everyone who listens to that genre of music has disposable income because they're in their 30s now. (I mention Blink specifically because Mark is like Pete's friend and capitalism fuck buddy.) And like as another example after cat prom I realized I'm a lot younger than I thought the average age for being involved with them was. So I do not think anything HC posts is funny at all but he has like a kajillion followers so clearly it's working for their target demographic.
Also 10ish years ago FOB and Panic concerts were like teeny bopper central, and there were some kids at the Metro show but I felt like there were also a lot of 30 year olds too.
And I think there are some really good lyrical moments on the record too, like "I will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me" is so good
This is way too long already but anyway also I got a really good job where I started doing (not super glamorous) writing professionally recently. And I think that I had kind of a dim view of a lot of FOB lyrics because they were so simplistic and short and repetitive. And that's what writing professionally is like, and there is so much research and meetings and discussion and analysis and data and Excel and money that goes into writing things that are unbelievably short and simplistic but work, it's making me rethink how I look at those more recent lyrics of Pete's.
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PAABITB had gone radio silent for a while and part of me hoped that she actually changed and was starting to do better, but she seems to have come back exactly the way she was, so I guess she must've just found a more private outlet to spew her toxicity, most likely with like-minded fandom scum who's just as bad as her.
Yeah, not only has been more active on her private Twitter and Tumblr from what my followers say, but it turns out that now, she’s uploading videos to YouTube lecturing the fandom on how to act. In fact, she uploaded one almost two weeks ago. Let’s go over it, shall we?
And before any of you act like I’m the one stalking her, just know that she still follows my blog while I’m still blocked from directly responding to her.
Also, she’s still smeared me in the past, in addition to some of the more prominent users in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom.
So yeah, if she can act like the fandom police to other users, I don’t see why I can’t give PAABITB a taste of her own medicine. Ready for a thorough rebuttal to her latest attack on the fandom from yours truly?
“Alright, we need to talk, Miraculous fandom. I get it. I seriously do. At one point, we were all naive, oblivious, and unaware of what we hated or liked. But honestly? How some of you deny or say Adrigami doesn’t work, but think Marigami works is insensitive and disgusting.”
Oh my God, people are shipping different characters together? That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!
How many times are you going to say that it’s perfectly okay to belittle other people for their different views regarding ships while you keep acting like anyone who doesn’t ship Adrigami is a terrible human being?
“Seriously. I’m sick and tired of this. I’m seriously sick and tired of this. Not to mention you believe what the show writers tell you. You fall into their brainwashing, and look where it gets you: Nowhere.”
“Brainwashing”? What, do you think Mr. Big is in charge of broadcasting the show? Do you think anyone who doesn’t ship the Love Square is kidnapped by ZAG employees and is subjected to the same kind of torture Winston got in 1984?
No matter what you think of the writing of the show, whether you think it’s getting better or worse, I wouldn’t say they’re actually trying to “brainwash” viewers. Yes, a recurring problem is the way they try to act like certain plot elements have always been there (Ladybug mistreating Cat Noir, Marinette not being in love with Luka, Adrien and Marinette being best friends, Marinette giving Adrien a lot of advice), but I don’t think “brainwashing” is the best way to describe it.
And so what if some people still enjoy the show? It wouldn’t have five seasons if nobody liked it, wouldn’t it? The main idea behind the “Miraculous Ladybug salt” tag is so that people who are more critical about the show can discuss it without upsetting anyone who has a more positive outlook on it, because even some of the biggest salters know that not everyone can share the same opinion.
I don’t think I can speak for everyone else, but I wouldn’t call anyone who still enjoys the show “brainwashed”.
“Stop believing in them. They are not going to do anything good, and when they do, they always find a way to make it about someone that it’s not about them. You have an Adrigami episode back in Season 4, ‘Lies‘; somehow make it about Marinette because of that stupid lucky charm. Not only is that insensitive to Adrigami shippers, it’s insensitive to people who enjoy Adrien’s character.”
How the hell was Marinette the reason Adrien and Kagami broke up?
The lucky charm in the episode wasn’t important because Marinette made it. The whole point of the charm was that Adrien lied about losing it, and Kagami realized it when she had it. Adrien had to lie about losing the charm in order to come up with an excuse to fight an Akuma as Cat Noir, and as far as Kagami sees it, he’s just coming up with excuses not to spend time with her for more selfish reasons. If Adrien said he lost his wallet when Kagami saw it on the ground, the context for the situation wouldn’t change at all.
“I don’t know why you believe in the show writers doing well, but you need to break out of that shell of reluctance, and actually stand up, break out, and tell the show writers off, or at least, admit they aren’t good at writing.”
“Why can’t anyone who enjoys Miraculous Ladybug admit the writers are terrible at their jobs?” - You.
Again, I know that I see the show in a different way than a lot of the other fans online, but I don’t let my problems with the show prevent others from enjoying it. The “Miraculous Ladybug salt” tag exists for a reason.
“Because I am sick and tired of Adrigami being slandered and Marigami taking over. I’m all for gay ships, but Marigami? No. After how Marinette treated Kagami in the past, just no.”
I’m not really sure what that has to do with the writers, seeing how Adrigami isn’t mentioned at all after “Mr. Pigeon 72”, and there isn’t any real teasing for Kagami being in love with Marinette.
Also, you’re acting like Marinette still hates Kagami with a burning passion, when you forgot that Marinette felt bad about how she treated Kagami in the past after learning how she had no friends (Ikari Gozen), and even tried to get her back together with Adrien when she learned they broke up (Mr. Pigeon 72).
“And another thing; I’m really freaking sick and tired of how people say ‘Oh, the Kwamis are aroace’. That was never confirmed. All Tikki said is ‘Kwamis don’t fall in love’. She didn’t say they can’t fall in love. Maybe you don’t project or jump to conclusions so quickly, because the show writers are not good at what they do.”
Are... Are you really in a position to say that? What does that even have to do with the writers?
Again, what’s wrong with people headcanoning Tikki and Plagg as aroace? Is it because you ship the two? Because newsflash, people can have different opinions on certain characters when it comes to romance and shipping.
“I haven’t seen a show fall this badly since... Well, I would say Star vs., but honestly, Fairly OddParents kind of fell off when they decided not to do something that easily could have been done, but besides that.”
You mean not introduce a bunch of pointless new characters to boost ratings? Not make three movies starring Drake Bell? Not make a live-action reboot that’s somehow worse than the aforementioned movies starring Drake Bell? Let me know when I’m getting warmer.
“Adrien could be better off with anyone that’s not Marinette, at least in the canon show: Kagami, Zoe Lee, Chloe (if we go from Season 2), Lila (if we go from Season 1, kind of), Wayhem, Nino, Luka, anyone around his age who actually interacts with him only a little bit. And yet, it’s still more cuter than when Marinette’s like ‘Oh, Adrien. Let’s have a frickin future with three kids and a hamster’.”
Okay, let me get this straight. You’re so against Marinette that not only are you unwilling to forgive her actions in canon, you think that Chloe and Lila, two people who have violated Adrien’s personal boundaries, would be better for Adrien than Marinette, as well as Wayhem, a crazed stalker who is arguably more obsessed with Adrien than Marinette is?
Yes, Marinette’s behavior regarding Adrien is unhealthy, and yes, it needs to be addressed more, but if you’re so against how Marinette treats Adrien, then why are you okay with the way Chloe, Lila, and Wayhem treat Adrien when they all can be just as bad, if not worse in some areas?
“Just understand this: If you think Kagami’s character got better because she became softer towards Marinette, you don’t appreciate what strictness and bluntness are, and probably might be a bit of a pushover, and need to learn to stand up for yourself.”
Wow, you’re really just going to go out on a limb and belittle anyone who actually likes the idea of Kagami and Marinette becoming friends, aren’t you?
Are you sure you actually appreciate Kagami’s blunt nature because of how it fit her personality, or because said bluntness just so happened to be directed towards Marinette in Seasons 2 and 3? What about in “Lies”, when she was “blunt” and “strict” about how upset she was with Adrien when she dumped him. And yes, for someone who hates what Marinette does in canon, you seem to forget that canonically, Kagami dumped Adrien.
“However, if you are in a difficult situation with a family who doesn’t understand the best of your frustrations, you probably should take your time before confronting the problem. Never confront the problem if you don’t know what to do. I learned that the hard way as a kid, I really did.”
Oh my God, just say the rules don’t apply to Adrien already. We all know that’s why you said that after supposedly calling Kagaminette shippers “pushovers”, because you’re aware of how Adrien rarely stands up to his father, and don’t want to look like a hypocrite... Well, more of a hypocrite than you already are.
“Just to say it, I don’t hate Chloe, and I don’t hate Zoe. I believe in what Deneen Melody said about them being like sisters.”
Not sure what that has to do with Kagaminette, the Kwamis being aroace, or Kagami’s “bluntness”, but I find it funny that you’re willing to drag Marinette for her canon actions, yet don’t hold Chloe responsible for her actions. I’m a huge advocate for Chloe redemption, and even I don’t defend the stuff she did after Season 3.
“So yeah, stop hating on characters who don’t deserve to be hated, and stop shipping things that shouldn’t be shipped.”
Mind defining what warrants hating a character in your eyes, besides being named Marinette Dupain-Cheng? And outside of incest or pedophilia, can you please explain why there are ships that shouldn’t be shipped?
Oh wait, I get it now! You’re saying that you want people to like the same characters you like, hate the same characters you hate, ship the same ships you ship, and hate the same ships you don’t hate! I cracked the case!
I know this might sound like a major revelation, but it’s entirely possible for people to have different opinions and still get along, especially when it comes to fandom stuff. You seriously think you can police the fandom and shame them into going along with your views because you say so?
Whenever I talk about Miraculous Ladybug, while I make my views clear in my posts, I always try to make sure other people can chime in through asks and give their own opinions, because that is how we as a society express our individuality. The whole reason I started this blog in the first place was to call out Astruc for telling us to view the show in certain way. For someone who thinks we shouldn’t respect the writers at all (something I haven’t even said once, by the way), how does that make you any better?
And if you think I’m wrong, prove it. Unblock me and try to back up your claims here, so we can both talk about this like adults. I’m willing to at least try and hear you out after everything you’ve said in the past.
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If you have been on twitter for like the past 2 weeks have seen the shit show that has been this fucking tweet:
And twitter is rightfully owning this account’s ass.
The account lowkey is pushing white supremacy themes and utilizing Renaissance, Late Renaissance, Gothic, Baroque, Rococo....etc. (you know....all the famously white and/or european centric art) to push a more “classical” or “romantic” period.
Now I’m not here to argue the merit of art; I think it is personal to everyone and to be fair I think a lot of work from those periods are quite gorgeous, but the way this account utilizes art to push “better times” is disgusting. Especially when it is taking ideas that many ppl actually would like, such as integrating more art back into infrastructure that has been lost to industrialization and modernism.
The account also is pushing a ton of Christian religious and conservative views that try to say they are being persecuted.
Extremely ironic seeing as much of the art the account posts is done by well documented atheists and queers.
The biggest thing I want to touch on though is the comment to “The Rape of Proserpina” in the first photo.
“A 23 year old sculpted this. What’s your excuse?”
The fact that this person is pushing down any creatives living today where art is greatly undervalued and being taken advantage of for quick profit (NFTs, AI “art”) is just....astonishing.
Gian Lorenzo Bernini was 23 when he began to work on the sculpture and it is estimated it took him a year to complete. Before that time though he began his apprenticeship in the arts at approximately 9-10 years of age. So he was being trained for nearly 13 years before he started the task of creating “The Rape of Proserpina”. Also, a ton of artists were fed, housed, and provided tools back in the 1600s when this piece was created. People invested in them, so their time could be focused on art.
It is absolutely bananas to me that anyone would try to make a post to guilt creatives in our modern time. Most artists are struggling to create while also having to divulge time into a day job that is usually not associated with the arts. Art has also evolved and become more complex. Artists are out there creating wonderful pieces, they just don’t fit in this aesthetic.
Sorry to go on this rant, it just...it shocks me how shady this account is and how it has over 209K followers?!?!? The message it is giving is also going to negatively affect a lot of creators.
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