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thepeachyfaerie · 1 year

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STOPPING EARLY ACCESS

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is doing well!

I have made the decision to stop releasing CC for early access. Starting July, all CC will be immediately public upon release.

There are a lot of factors that led to this and it's been something I've been debating for a while.

When I started making CC back in 2020, I didn't know very many creators and all the people I did know were either on TSR or on Patreon doing early access. I was unemployed at the time and decided it would be fun to do early access for my CC and make a little bit of side money while I searched for a job. Nothing really came of my Patreon, I think I made like $30 a month at most, until the 21st Birthday collab with EA came out in February 2021. After that, things kinda took off in a way. I got a lot more attention than I think I expected or was prepared to have, and while it was amazing, it also put an odd pressure on me. I struggled extremely heavily with imposter syndrome (I still do), thinking I didn't deserve that opportunity and it should've gone to someone more established in the community.

CC-creating became my job. I was making about $200 a month while unable to work due to deteriorating mental and physical health. I was in an extremely bad place mentally and wanted desperately to have CC-making become my career because I thought it would be better than an in-person job. In some ways, it was. However, in other ways, it introduced new issues.

I think starting in 2022 I was struggling a lot with motivation. I felt pressured to constantly make content to the point where I started doing the opposite. I love making CC but it got to the point where I was dreading it because I knew I HAD to do it, if that makes sense. I monetized a passion of mine, put insane pressure on myself, and I crumbled. Whenever I would do anything other than make CC, I would guilt myself so hard for not being productive.

Then the "paywall/early access" debacle happened in mid-2022. If you weren't there, basically EA had updated their TOS to ban permanent paywalled CC, however it was phrased in a way that made it seem like early access CC wasn't allowed. Many people, myself included, stopped doing early access CC to respect this. However, not even a week later, they updated their TOS to allow early access CC with a reasonable time frame (which has generally been understood to be 2-3 weeks, which I've always kept it within that time frame). Some creators stayed without early access, while others implemented it again, one of those people being myself.

This... caused a lot of backlash, lmao. A LOT of people online were very upset with anyone who did this. In my eyes, I was doing early access to support myself through college while disabled and unable to work a "normal" job. To these people, I was greedy and taking advantage of the community. I got so, so many hate messages and death threats in my Tumblr inbox that I turned off anon messages, and to this day I still have anxiety every time I see a new message because I'm positive it's going to be hate.

I even got called out by name on a few occasions, which was definitely something difficult to handle while already in mental health crisis. One specific person was very angry I was putting Re/Gshade presets behind early access.

I want to make something very clear. I understand. I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to get something you want immediately. I understand that The Sims 4 is just a game. I understand where these people are coming from because I know I've gotten disheartened when I saw someone had a piece I NEEDED but it was in early access. It's frustrating! However to me, I saw it as monetizing my hard work and time. I still think that's justified, however I know a vast majority of this community does not. That does not mean that the hate and aggression directed towards me was justified. At the end of the day, I'm still a person who loves The Sims 4, loves creating, and wants to share it with the world.

There was also the issue of reuploading. I know it's inevitable, people will share early access CC no matter what. I tried to tell myself that the only people downloading it were people who wouldn't pay for my CC anyway, so there was no harm done. In actuality, I noticed my patron number dropping. But at the end of the day, the money doesn't matter to me. It was the principal of the act. I felt really disrespected and like my hard work and energy meant nothing to people. I KNOW that wasn't intended by anyone downloading from these places, but I'm a very sensitive person and it still hurt.

At the end of the day, I know that early access CC is hurting me more than it's helping me. I know that sounds dramatic and maybe it is, but I need to prioritize my mental health. I'm going into my 3rd year of college next fall and I need to start planning for when I graduate.

Will this change in the future? Probably not. I love making CC and I want it to stay that way. I don't know if uploads will be consistent at this point, if they'll increase or decrease, etc. I'm going to try my best but I want to work with myself and allow myself time and breaks if I need it.

All tiers will be converted to donation-only, although I will still offer my one-click CC folder for the $3.50 tier.

Apologies that this got kind of personal, I've been ruminating on this for months and needed to get it off my chest. Again, I'm a very sensitive person, always have been, and at the end of the day my mental health matters more than any money I could make.

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theraspberryone · 2 months

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Hiiii! Welcome to "Me discovering that I can talk about my random thoughts on Psychology and MHA cause those two have been hyperfixations for years and Tumblr is the best place to talk like that"

"Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn" Part 2 : The League of Villains!

(You can't understand how happy I am to see that the first one really interested people!!)

So Touya/Dabi was already made in Part 1

1st, let's start with Toga. We know her past, she was seen as weird, a freak, disgusting by her own family (I heard she had siblings, so even as far as them). But during years, she faked being a "perfect little child" that listened and was calm and "normal". Her family confronted her behaviours and she was in a full Fawn mode. One day, her mask that she forced onto herself fell and all her repressed needs, who are in her D.N.A., came as they could. The need of blood made her attack someone. This feeling of finally being free (herself) brought her to the LOV and to find a family that accept her and her "abnormal" behaviour. She seems to actually only need that, a family, and when she can (like in the Yakuza mess), she'd rather Flight the conflict. However if her family is targeted (like with Magne and Twice), or when her family gives her orders to, she will Fight. Because she just wants to keep her found family.

2nd is Twice. Pretty much like Toga, he only needed a family. Due to his mental instability, his fears and his self-doubts, he could have been a Freeze and not react, be stucked while facing confrontation (kinda like what we can see even before with his old boss). Though he trusted his new family so much that he was, like Toga, either going for the Flight or the Fight depending of how much his family needed him. (Though a bit more of a Flight then Toga before season 6, still because of his insecurities and fears of fighting eating his confidence away).

3rd Mister Compress. We don't see much of him, we just know that thieves are normal and biological in his family. So I would say that confronted, Compress may prefer to go for the Flight. Fighting would be if an irrespectful act is commited but he wouldn't stay doing nothing, or wouldn't dirty himself for a random person.

4th, Spinner. We know he's a follower. He follow Stain blindly because he doesn't know what else to do, then Shigaraki because he becomes a good leader, and listens to Dabi because he sees him as superior. He doesn't really have his own way of thinking and weighting the good and the bad side of his decisions. His "primary leaders" being Fighters, he would immediatly Fight back too. Same as Toga and Twice for the found family part, if his family is threatened, he will Fight for them. But before the LOV he was definitely a Freeze. Lizard side or not, he seemed to be very "NPC"-like towards his life, so no much reaction to confrontation before he had a goal.

5th is Shigaraki himself. He's a Fight. Confrontation = Fight for him, he was raised that way. OFA raised him that way. He won't be a perfect silent person, he won't say nothing and stay still, he won't escape from the situation. He yearns for a new society, a new reign, he wants to see a country and the world crumbles. A full Fight made to be like that by OFA.

Bonus because he was asked!

Stain : Stain to me would respond by Fight or Flight. But while his Fight would be very direct (you confront him, he confronts back), his Flight would be controlled. He doesn't want to avoid a situation of confrontation because he is scared, how because that's how his mind instinctly answers, he just doesn't want to confronts and will leave instead. But this situation is pretty rare, it's the type of situation we can only see with All Might (because he is worthy enough to be a hero by Stain's psychology). Stain would, and that's what we can see with anyone else until now, only attack and kill because he sees the "unseriousness" of being a hero, the need for fame and not actual saving as a unique goal, as a threat to the job of being a hero.

I hope I didn't forget anyone.

Thanks to have been there for my little talk, if you have anything, professional or not to say or ask you can gladly interact I'l be very happy! ♡♡♡

Part 1 : The Todoroki Siblings

Part 3 : The UA teachers

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rainbowgod666 · 6 months

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Welcome to the Multiverse

Colors sendable (the first image is from @sizzlingcandyjellyfishhh while thesecond image is from @gaybichon)

The rules are simple: you want to send an ask? Its either me or some blorbo of yours. Its my Multiverse but there are so many fandoms in it. Holy Shit. If you engage in RP with me specifically rember that my entire "thing" is being The Author. I sill have to figure out of what tho (you would think the Foundation would know that. Well guess fucking what.)

To let you get started, here are some of my best posts. Remember that the Ourple ones are KINDA mandatory if you want ANY background on wtf is this blog.

List of my powers / Its the end of the world as you know it (and i did it on purpose) / an admin kicked me off the island lmao / Mental Health Time / You Absolute Buffoons / The Numeron Game / Well thats a thing that happened! / Out of touch: leap yeap / 🅱️usiness / Magnus did nothing wrong, except its steven universe / welcome to the internet, SCP edition / #HALLOLLAH# / AMERICA IS FASCIST HEAVEN BECAUSE FUNNY / Lost Childhoods / please save those poor gay americans / Free Disco Elysco / Bone to the bad / Priting Wrojects / the True Range of my abilities / the fuck's an apocalypse knight anyway? / @punkitt-is-here fucked Geronimo Stilton and i think its a good thing / Alex goes batshit insane and forces everyone to do as he says... again 🙄 / Screaming in a Pattern. / wizardposting: because powerscaling needed fuckign Zeno Dragonballsuper apparently / BEN 10 BUT LANCER? FUCK YEAH! / So i went batshit insane again / High Geology / fantasy settings on tumblr are really fucking cool actually / RIFLE. IS. FINE. BUT YOU FUCK UP DESIGN YOU UROD. / i technically claimed ownership of Dr. Bright and Betty from glitchtale do you seriously think im NOT gonna do that for homestuck? / XenasOuch / SCP-8000 contest, OR: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUC- / LEMMINO but like, 8 years ago / Hazbin Hotel: a necessary... something i guess. / research attempt: the wizardposting wine aunt /

Below is who i am, and also the tags you can (and should) search for

Hi, name's Alex.

Born on the first ever day of 2005 and also having aspergers, i am a guy from italy trying to make it impossible for anyone to spend a day without knowing who i am. Also i literally trascend powerscaling so hard the only things that can even put a DENT on me are... decided by me. Welcome to the multiverse i guess.

DNI: people who support genocide, people who tolerate corporate bullshit, racists, and terfs.

The following list is ALL THE TAGS USED TO NAVIGATE THIS BLOG. Seriously. This masterpost is an explaiantion for the "portal hub" i placed in the search bar

Lore Post: sometimes the lore of the multiverse, sometimes my personal life.

Welcome to the multiverse: sometimes MASSIVE textpost telling everyone "oh yeah right, this dude has autism", usually me existing. tHE MAIN TAG.

Alex's Answering Machine: literally my asks

The magical workshop: turns out the wizards of tumblr are the reason the phrase "some of y'all have gotten too comfortable saying stuff without getting punched for it" exist. And its up to my autistic, protagonism-fueled low self-esteem high self-awareness ass to... fix shit up.

Belowstory: undertale but REALLY FUCKED UP: so basically frisk falls down and is greeted by a feminine voice that calls itself chara (it becomes slightly visible after getting out of the ruins) and like the good boi undertale character he is he proceeds to save the world. This entire thing exists because one time I was like "how fucked up OP can a sans be before its My Immortal levels of wtf?" And uh yeah here we are uuuuuuh sans greets you by pointing a .44 magnum at you so thank the head of the guards (papyrus) for saving you. Everyone here is broken and just wants A Fucking Break. Also you gain levels in pacifist because LOVE is Level Of VirtuE. Fuck you lmao

Undertale.exe: so I looked at Camilla Cuevas being an awful person. Then i looked at the beautiful anime that is @jakei95's underverse... then i smushed it all toghether to basically create the perfect AU. Frisk is a pansexual fuccboi that Has Game, Chara is THICC and powerful, Betty is built like a ballerina and is 1000 years old, and Asriel is a Streemur. All of them live in this house far away from the city thats literally a larger version of sans' house. All charachters can legally drink (prepare for Drunk Chara shenanigans where its Betty Glitchtale the drunk one instead) and the only one who (probably) isnt gay is Asriel (even though frisk covets the Dreemur Dong) (one day soldier, one day...). Many chatachters from many AUs sometimes come to visit cause, you know. Its a nice place.

Curseworld: massive writing project of mine which is just "adventure time shaped mass of autism". The world is cursed and fucked over, and everything is colorful. Its also part Owl House because fuck you the magic system is FUCKED here.

Internet friends: basically internet stereotype-shaped people. We have a furry thats normal, a reddit/discord mod that just wants to work in peace, and the protagonist is Just A Guy but a-ha! He has both an xbox an...d ps5 thus fucking over any CAD reference. The last sketch i made was a mr.monopoly shaped guy who really wants youngsters to actually AFFORD shit who is married to a very obvious reference to Meru the succubus. Also i 100% intend to put a gag about mr beast living in an ATM when he isnt making videos

Im looking respectfully: look. Back then tumblr was basically Rule 34 with twitter users. Now its way better at the cost of a fraction of their value. Have fun looking at attactive women!

TOH:NEXT GENERATION: not even @moringmark's comics are safe! Enjoy the adventures of ayzee commented by me... telling everyone that shes STRONG strong. Like holy shit girl inherited will much?

Warhammer 50k: listen. This is just me looking at games workshop and fucking emperors tts and going "fuck that. Heres mine". This is a project where my "shard" assegned to this universe basically copies the imperium because, and im not joking, "the emperor is kind of a baka, but then again tzeentch is a thing so...". Also btw TTS is canon as SHIT. Like fr its all canon. Yes even the shadowsun fling, let kitten rest.

Pluripotent Impotence: an scp canon of mine thats basically "the foundation is so cold and clinical they MASSIVELY misunderstood shit". 6140, 6500, 5500 and 7000 are canon. 2718 and 5000 are in the files but they basically might as well not exist. 3812 is living tech support. 166 is in her early 20s and 239 is 19 and they fuck nasty (theyre also childhood friends. Girl Love i guess~) because fuck you clef love wins especially yuri go snort telekill dust. 2317 loves humans and thins theyre cute and squishy and when its seventh child turned out to be fucking JoyBoy? Yeah get this: he DID condemn the fortune teller that was like "dude your sevent child is one of those prophecy children that are so in vogue these days" but also messed with fate so that her death ended up being the coolest and most inspiring shit ever because he was like "considering the average Evil King story, i might as well just... let this happen! Maybe i can convince my literal offspring to spare me!" And it fucking worked. Also a bunch of shit is canon. @i-am-dado looks like a Kpop star and is somft. Dr Jack bright is my character and mine alone and also elias shaw is there i guess. My OC bangs the first one of these 2 amulet boys on a regular basis and the second one occasionally, dont ask why is there a gay polycule when im straight, there are some things that escape my mind. I have been in SCP for a long time and regardless of me making my account 6/1/2024 (LA BEFANAH) i have been here longer than you believe in. From my perspective it took a year before a 5000 contest was announced, so fcuk yoyu

Earth-ℵ₀: the best way to take care of the DC and Marvel universes is... let an autistic dude fix damages done by money-hungry idiots in hollywood. The joker is unimportant. Dr.Manhattan is Done With This Shit. I made a squad with random charachters i like. Lmao suck on uranium rods UwU

ytposting: (Funkdela Catalogue: Encounter starts playing)

Omni-shit: ben 10 is actually a good series guys, and the reboot is an interesting way of showing what would Ben 10 Classic look like if it was made Now

1% enhancement: basically i look at something and go like "hey what if the charachters were basically part me but not in a Knights of the Apocalypse way"

Tumblr italia: aò sono italiano che cos'altro vi aspettate

components: basically i use tumblr as image hosting. LoL.

Items: images turned undertale items. For reference, i have 2³¹-1 HP and my stats are ATK 100000 and DEF 65535. Yes the attack is a yugioh zexal reference. NOSTALGIA IS PTSD BUT GOOD.

Mungeon Deshi: dunmeshi is a good anime and marcille is italian

Full Nelson Analchemist: if FMA exists in my presence im going to give the 20k mg weed gummy to Truth

Evangelion 4.0: look, hideki anno has gone insane. Every time he makes evangelion as the most brain damaging version of telling someone to go touch grass people inevitably miss the point. I take it upon myself to give the @jakei95 treatment to the poor creatures (also fun fact: KAWOSHIN CANON. THEY KISS ON SCREEN. FUCK YOU AMERICA.)

The hoes are stuck: homestuck. What you thought they were safe from my grasp? 人間 you havent seen sheiße.

FeeF the BeeB: minecraft mod bullsheiße

[[Nothing Is Worth The Risk]]: lets just say that sometimes, the multiverse isnt that "cool and good"

Ultimate Sonic: i have a Sonic AU where... uhm... just. If i have a post about that. Just look at it. LoL.

Side effects of reading this blog can vary between true insight into the inner workings of the universe and self-defenestration from the top of the burj khalifa.

Multiverse Polls: i make tHEM-

Autistic and Artistic: (draws happily)

Anyways welcome to the multiverse

Do yourself a favour and dont go out without a loaded gun.

#Lore Post #welcome to the multiverse

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i-restuff · 7 days

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lil vent. nothing too serious,

mhmh, I'm at that phase where I'm not satisfied with everything I do right now

I'm a workaholic and a perfectionist, while also having untreated adhd, avpd, depression that's been going on for a long time now. it's hard to manage things, especially with myself. it's very unhealthy.

I generally never like myself besides my ability to draw cute funky things. instead of just making it as a hobby, I became attached to the logic where I can't live without drawing. I never really see bad things about it though, but some people did mention how it affects me mentally.

I also love being online. I don't think I'm addicted? but more so depending on it (idk if that makes sense lmao). basically, I just like the idea of people having an interest in me and/or my drawings. I don't think I have anyone who would willing to take a glance at me irl, not that I don't have friends, most people in my life are just not emotionally open with each other. it's an icky situation pfff.

so anyway, lately, my perfectionism has been kicking me left and right which become more annoying and less fun for me to draw. I have so much stuff that I wish I could doodle, but at the same time, It'll drain me. I also feel like I act like a desperate person just to get some interactions online, while it really is just loneliness. avpd does that to you lkdjjkdasl.

I have a history of being cooped out inside, alone; no friends no family, in a different new city for around 6 months. it was still covid time, and I was only able to go outside less than 10 times. it's kinda traumatizing?

sighhh idk, I'm rambling. my break is literally just "being online". I don't have time to go outside, let alone friends to hang out with. we're living in different cities and I just moved out while currently also unemployed. my last resort would be my acquaintances. but we're all so different, so it's hard to adjust.

my current situation wasn't as bad as that one, but it triggers me in some way. so hhhhhhhhhhhhh

Idk what I'm talking about anymore, BUT, all these ramblings are really just me venting about whether I should take an online break or not. I feel like, both are just as torturing lmao.

wish me luck ig. I'm going to have interviews and presentations in the next few days, at least that could distract me.

forgive me for my long and confusing vent. I can't afford professional help, so tumblr it is <3 (no need to reply though, no pressure. I just need a place to write.)

#ramble.txt

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rachelcommitscrimes · 1 year

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im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it.

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

#ghost eyes #webcomic #rant #angry ramblings #angry rant #i hate this fandom #tw su1c1d3 #tw sh implied #go get some help please

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undercoverpena · 4 months

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Congratulations again on your huge milestone my love! Can you tell us how you got into writing? ❤️

omg thank you so much love, I appreciate you lots! so the story is a bit messy but I’ll try and keep it brief?!? but also:

tw: anxiety/mental health (it’s minor but still)

so I began writing when I had a really bad bout of anxiety—and I couldn’t sleep. I’d fallen across some fanfiction on Pinterest (of all places) and just felt so inspired. I made my first tumblr, began reading a lot, and then one day, I had an idea for a story, and I churned a lot of my feelings into it. wrote it in complete isolation, told no one, and then I just found it helped?

I made friends, and built a community and I felt so seen? and also not broken—like I felt at the time. and I stayed there for a long time, writing fanfic for characters.

I did bounce around some fandoms for a bit—and in my personal life had an operation, then another, and struggled really badly with just keeping myself afloat. eventually, I shared with a therapist how I found writing really helpful! and we kinda worked together to find ways where I could channel my feelings into it, but also not go too far the other way and become obsessive about it (something I do).

which ironically, is how I wrote some of my first pieces of original work, because it was part of some work me and my therapist was doing.

from there, I wrote/contributed some pieces of non-fiction for mental health websites—which I’m still so proud are up and thriving ✨—but I missed fanfic, and thankfully I fell into call of duty at the end of 2022, and then through the upcoming last of us adaption, found narcos last year and then here we are. now I know you lovely lot 🥹🌝

I feel I rambled so much there 😂 but that’s the story of how jo came to be here with you all 🩷✨

#fuckyeah x jo forever #jo: 7k celebration #asked and answered #kind souls

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theghostbunnie · 1 year

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I’m curious but ever since you dropped your Harrison hcs I’ve been thinking about what he would be like when he gets older. Are there any hcs/info you have for him??

I'M SO HAPPY Y'ALL ARE INTERESTED IN MY HCS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!!!! 💖💕💫🩷

I have like two paths I could see my version of older Harrison going down. Let's say roughly age 17 or so, he either swears off using absolutely any of his natural magical ability and keeps his illusion/slide of hand tricks utterly private for the most part. The first being a desperate attempt to regain his parents trust, the second with the card tricks being more of getting shamed out of being open with his peers with his hobbies. I wouldn't wanna see him kept on this path and I often pair it with some major character development story. (In my head atleast, I don't think I'd ever be able to use a fanfiction writing website or have the energy to regularly update one or anything like that. I would definitely maybe write short fics on Tumblr one day.. maybe)

The other option being he actually never stopped working on his talents like that and has steadily gotten so much better. (At the start of the show he accidentally sets David on fire, in much later episodes he's able to make rings of flame, already MAJORR improvement!!) He works on his other abilities, making things levitate ect.

So when they start having these hiccups, often small physical items or spells bursting out of him during strong feelings (leading to panic and embarrassment only making it worse.) Harrison feels like it's a total setback. That his work so far didn't mean anything, he has no idea where his powers come from and as they change he apparently has no idea how to control them after all. Alot of old doubts, and new ones emerge. "Maybe it would've been better to have never had them in the first place."

I like to think after awhile he regains this hold over it, and it was just a sign of like. His magic going through puberty/hj and it turns out stronger in the end.

Other older Harrison HCs include he's definitely a swiftie and jumps up on his bed lipsyncing doing a fucking Matilda as shit floats everywhere.

His formal vest and top hat get switched out for a casual vest and beanie hat (constant hat hair) wouldn't it be so funny if he had a top hat shaped pin on it/hj

His like signature little thing I love putting on his clothes and drawing him with is the ace of spades. Small charms n shit I love it.

His frienemy thing with Nerris as she matures turns more into friend leaning. (Bc like, their dynamic is not 50/50 she is nearly always the one coming at or for HIM 😭 and it's coming from a very childish reasoning- which is okay. Bc she's a child.) So as she gets older and grows out of her issues that caused them to not get along they become closer.

Mostly due to them both being much better friends with Preston and spending time with each other via him.

But since they're older and Preston fills alot of his time with the multiple hobbies he has and Nerris has other friends to hangout with, Harrison is still left on his own sometimes. He goes through these bits of bad mental health and "everyone hates me" thoughts but doesn't really let anyone know about it.

I have this OC Quincy, technically not a camp camp oc I'm actually embarrassed sometimes to add him into things bc he doesn't fit the vibe of cc what so ever but the angst he can make is so good 2 me

He's this demon with magical know-how but no power of hisown. I like to think of Harrison (who notoriously throughout the show wants company.) Kinda ignores all the red flags and "I've always said don't judge a book by it's cover"s his way into accidentally getting manipulated by him. But also getting incredibly helpful magic lessons out of it too before it comes to a head.

#harrison camp camp #camp camp harrison #character headcanons #camp camp headcanons #headcannons #cc harrison #harrison cc #camp camp #camp campbell #camp camp fandom #fictional characters #campcamp #angst

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akindplace · 1 year

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not exactly out of curiosity, but more of gratitude:

thank you for making and curating this blog. the subliminal but constant reminders abt how we are only human and that we deserve kindness for ourselves really did something for me i think

i've been less prone to self-destructive thoughts and have been reframing them into whatever you got going on. sure, things are kinda my fault -- but at the same time, a lot of factors play into stuff that happens, so it would be unfair to make it just my fault, right?

⚠ sui/cidal history

i've spent majority of my teenage years blaming myself for a lot of things -- things that i either could not help (innately desiring to be a professional multimedia artist) or something beyond my control (my parents' unpleasant first reaction to the artist thing). i was sui for like... 2 consecutive years for it. 3 years total if we include 2020 ahah

anyway, i'm presently not sui anymore, not since 2021 i like to think -- but self-hatred and -sabotage is still there. old habits die hard especially when you have a history of hating yourself for the things you are/what you're doing. every day is a fight to be doing what i want to, and oftentimes i'm find myself telling myself "i fought myself so hard to get this chance i thought i wouldn't have. why would i fail and throw it away now?"

it's exhausting, half the time, i'll admit. i hate having to convince and fight myself just to do the things i want to. it's not just executive dysfunctiob anymore; i'm sure something deeply wrong with me that i could probably dismantle better if i got the therapy for it. unfortunately, in a country like the philippines, healthcare is only for the well-off, and my family is anything but well-off. why else did they tell me that i needed to be something else first before becoming what i wanted to be, a professional artist? every day i fight, and every day i'm exhausted with my own brain and my living conditions.

every day i'm tired, but i come on tumblr and see your blog posts on my dash. they always make me consider being kinder to myself exactly because i fought so hard to stay alive, and even harder for the dreams i've always wanted to reach. i did tear myself out of a pool of tar that was my mental hell... by myself... so i deserve some kindness for myself because i've been through too much already, right?

ah, this got longer than intended. it's 2:07 am now, i should probably sleep

thank you again for your time, for this chance, and for this blog

sana masarap ulam mo magpakailanman

You definitely deserve compassion and kindness, especially from yourself, especially after all you went through. You fought very hard to be here, and you deserve credit for it, and doing all that alone is very exhausting. I hope someday soon you achieve your career dreams and the stability you crave, and that you can be in a better financial position to reach out to therapy, because no one should go through all that alone and you deserve help. Remember that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you that you need to dismantle to make yourself “good”, your illness is lying to you. From the bottom of my heart, I really hope you are feeling well, and that your health improves soon. But just because you have an illness, it doesn’t make you “wrong” or “bad”, you’re just a person and you deserve good things. I really hope you keep going and that you achieve your dreams, and that you finally find yourself in a happy and safe place in life, and that you get all the support you need. You’re not alone in this struggle, and I know it’s exhausting to fight so much, so please rest all you need, but keep going. Thank you so much for your appreciation for this blog ♥️

You deserve so much happiness, so keep being kind to yourself.

#tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide #tw self destructive behavior #answered

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kinfeelings · 3 months

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Stream of Consciousness: Looking Back, Labels & a Bit About Dysphoria.

I first began believing I was “strange” and “more/other than human” in elementary school (I distantly remember I had feelings of it before then but it became blatant in elementary) and then also the horrible daycare I was placed in for many hours after school ended. Probably had a lot, if not everything, to due with my undiagnosed autism and untreated trauma. I spent recesses wandering around the playground or digging in the dirt, stuck in my head, mostly ignoring my peers who wanted little to do with me anyhow, and then at the daycare, where it was near-constant torment, I was still always pretending to be Something Else. A non-canon OC Warriors cat, a tiger (sometimes even an aquatic “water-tiger”), a werewolf, many different things. Before elementary school and that daycare I was simply obsessed with thinking I was an ordinary house-cat every now and then.

Skip ahead years later and suddenly I am a teen in middle school scouring Tumblr, fixated on Tom Hiddleston at the height of the Avengers-mania. I begin hearing glimpses of something called “otherkin.” It’s so harshly ridiculed that I veer away from it immediately despite it vaguely catching my interest for some reason. More time goes by and I’ve become a young adult, who’s ready to learn more about this concept that I only caught snippets of before. I find I relate to a lot of it, but haven’t any clue what my kintypes are yet. I tried so many freaking labels, y’all. It was ridiculous. Meowth and persian pokémon, a sable working-line German shepherd dog, an Eastern water-spirit dragon, a Maine coon, Bluestar from Warriors, Star Catcher from My Little Pony, Zira from The Lion King, I even attempted to test out an archetrope…

None of these were true, but it’s good I searched, and developed more understanding of my identity.

I am currently twenty-seven, and I call myself: spiritual/psychological, alterhuman, voidpunk, and beastpunk. My current kintypes are as follows: feline cladotherian, all the eeveelutions including eevee itself (pokémon), and various fluctuating fiction- and OCkintypes. My favorite animals are felines, which is cool considering that I am literally all of them at once. I don’t dislike anything that I am, to be honest, which is pretty lucky—some individuals hate what they are, and I feel bad for them. Species euphoria comes to me as a sort of inner peaceful feeling, like all the bullshit of living humanly is ignorable and tolerable, like me-as-my-’types are having no trouble piloting this body I inhabit. I do recognize I value humanity and don’t scorn it anymore, which is why I choose to say I’m alterhuman instead of purely nonhuman. Though, I’ve been wondering about that, lately. Not that I’m going back to hating it as I did when I was younger, just that...am I latching onto the idea of being only a “human but slightly to the left” out of habit and fear of repercussions?

Someone in the OtherConnect Discord server told me “alterhuman” doesn’t imply either having humanity nor lack of it, it’s an umbrella term that includes examples of both. So I guess I was kinda mistaken? So I’m calling myself nonhuman from now on, too.

Dysphoria is a hellish time when it does occur for me, especially since I’m already mentally ill to begin with. Everything feels discordant, borderline painful; the air itself that I breathe has a blunt and mocking edge to it, cruel and relentless. You will never be anything you are within. Fuck my intrusive thoughts and anxiety disorder, frankly. They can kiss my ass.

#lionel speaks #essay #journal #alterhuman #otherkin

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moodr1ng · 21 days

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re last post while im being chatty (sleeping pills do that to me): i have a kinda strange relationship w my knuckle tattoos. when i was 17 i was in a pretty rough spot in life. though i wasnt in The Absolute Worst Years, things werent going great on pretty much any front. i was failing out of school at the time, i saw no future for myself, i felt like i had fucked up all my options beyond any redemption. i lived in a "bad neighborhood", in a social housing apartment where i shared the one bedroom with my sister and my mom slept in the living room. i had like, two irl friends and one of those friendships was quite toxic and codependent. my mental health was abysmal and my parents were at the end of their rope with what to do with me. nobody even believed id manage to graduate high school anymore. i had no money except what i could glean from art commissions on tumblr and whatnot. i was perpetually broke and so were my friends (we shoplifted quite a bit at that time). i always knew my mom and i didnt exactly have much money but i was really feeling it then, and more than that, i felt like this prophecy was hanging over my head, that i would too end up like my parents: an underpaid worker in a shit job with seemingly no upsides or ways to move forward.

yet i had an inkling that one day i might get out of this; that i might one day escape this and 'rise above my station', 'make it' in some way. i pictured myself as someone who did make it: an older version of me, who i pictured very clean-cut and acceptable-looking, maybe wearing a suit or something. i hated that version of me; the sellout. i looked at that future me and thought: dont you dare forget about me. dont you dare forget about all of us here - not just my family but everyone i loved, and the people in the same neighborhoods and the same situation. i guess it was a moment of class awareness and solidarity. i thought: ill never let myself become a clean-cut, law-abiding, middle class sycophant who looks down on people like me.

so i got commission money for the cheapest tattoo machine i could get, some $50 crappy machine i got off ebay that came with needles and inks, and i sat at my kitchen table one afternoon with an internet friend on a skype call and tattooed my own knuckles - right hand tattooed with the left hand and all. i chose "DIRT POOR". i thought: there. not only can i see it, everyone can. i can rise up as much as i can in the world. but there will always be this neon sign on my hand that says: i came from here.

and i stuck with that for a very long time. i loved those tattoos. when i stopped loving them (because theyre kinda ugly, and i dont like explaining them to people, etc) i still loved the meaning behind them.

but then i actually 'made it'. i mean, not really. i didnt truly make it. i dont have a job, my main income is disability benefits, but im blessed that i also have my etsy shop and a roommate who helps with rent and a very cheap apartment, all of which means i have an income thats almost minimum wage and benefit from a lot of government aid, and through that ive set aside sizeable savings. i dont have to worry about paying for my food or home or clothes or other necessities, and i can go for drinks with friends or order takeout or buy myself little eccentricities just because i want to. i certainly didnt turn out clean-cut and proper in a suit, but i got to a place that 17 year old tattooing himself on a dirty kitchen table thought hed never get to.

and now that im here the tattoos feel.. silly. shameful. the people who ask me about them are most often panhandlers - and when i translate what it means to them i feel like such a poser. like, dirt poor? really? but im not dirt poor. im doing fine. if i dont get into the extensive backstory of the tattoos every time, i just.. look like someone trying to look rougher than i am. i feel like im appropriating a struggle that is no longer mine. and i dont even like the tattoos anymore and havent for a long time, and now the message itself doesnt feel worth having them.

like id forget where i come from if i didnt have it etched in my hands? like i even needed that reminder anyway? in the end, i got these because i didnt trust myself - because i thought my class solidarity was disingenuous, opportunistic, based only in my current circumstances. but ill never forget how i grew up. the message is already in me. i never needed a reminder. my past will always be a part of me.

so, anyway, ive been thinking of getting the tattoos lasered off. im far from being sure i wanna do it, though almost only because of the price, but ive been considering it often. i still feel a bit like its a betrayal of my 17 yo self. but then again, i think if he saw me now, 10 years older and in the position im in now, hed probably get it. hed see i havent really changed, not in the important ways. i think in the same way i need to forgive my past selves, maybe they too need to forgive me for moving on from them. so i really might get the laser, if not soon, then someday.

if i do, ill still have other hand and finger tattoos, so it wouldnt change much if i get new knuckle ones. if that does come to pass - im thinking "GOOD LUCK" this time.

#97 #substance use #long post #hmm actually one place offers laser removal for 150€?#like obvs thats not cheap but. i can afford that.#maybe i really should go for it.. after the summer has passed though

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ilikecheeseandchocolatee · 2 months

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Kinda vent post? Like not really but it’s just me rambling. Read the tags before the post tho (very important!!!!!!)

I’ve decided to hole up on tumblr for a while because no one here knows me so I can be weird and mentally I’ll without judgement.

Today is a day. Like i can’t describe it as “the worst” day out of the recent bad days because honestly it was quite peaceful. But it was bad in the sense that my mental health is seriously kicking my ass and like. I like playing Bin Weevils, i love my bin pet whom I’ve named Unicorn, i love playing with her. I love watching Big Hero 6 the series, i love watching miraculous ladybug. I love watching Thai dramas. I love playing my towers of Hanoi thing (i time myself a lot, it’s 8 rings) and i love the toy thing with bubbles like you push it in and then flip it around and push it in again and it makes a satisfying pop sound idk what it’s called. I love all of those things but i tried to do them to cheer myself up but then i just didn’t wanna do any of it. Not even the popping thing. I just ended up laying in bed with a pillow wrapped around my head to make me feel better. After months of being better I considered downloading Township again, which is a game i play to make myself less suicidal. Which i have been recently. Except this is NOT a good time because A, the game is super addictive and I’ll be stuck on it for AT LEAST a week before I’ll be able to pull myself off it. And B, my A Levels are next month and i haven’t actually covered my entire syllabus yet. I have a month to teach myself all my subject material AND prepare myself for the exam and as of right now im doing none of it. Because i get up late and when I do I just stay in bed and don’t have the motivation to do anything.

My mental health is REALLY kicking my ass rn.

But i did cheer up today. Because of the stupidest thing. I read the Elon Musk deposition and it was so ridiculous in some places that i laughed. Yes, i read the entire thing. It has so much entertainment value and i highly recommend it for those who are bored. And because of that i cheered up for the few hours that are left of my day now.

So then Bigil was gonna be on TV and i wanted to watch it because it looked cool, so TV time. Bigil is a Tamil movie released in 2019 (correct me if I’m wrong about this) and it’s about football and empowering women and it’s a really good movie. And it has one of my favourite actors so that was a plus. I also cried like 3 times during the movie because some parts are SO EMOTIONAL. i doubt anyone reading this will watch Bigil but spoiler alert anyway: when the dad is stabbed and he jumps out of the train, that was the first time I cried. Because Michael jumped out of the train to Delhi and cue action scene where he slaughters all the people that killed his dad, doing exactly what his dad had NOT wanted for him. He had wanted him to go to Delhi and be a national football player and never become a violent gánster like himself, but that’s EXACTLY what Bigil did the moment his dad was stabbed. He jumped off the train. And beat everyone up. And it was breaking my heart.

Spoiler alert again: the second time I cried was when the second MIA player was having her story told where that chuttad smashed her face with what i think was an egg filled with acid? And it was just so fucking heartbreaking I can’t talk about it. And the third time I cried was when another player was dumped out of the back of a Jeep in a fucking sack and when they opened the sack she was barely conscious and she’d been forcefed huge amounts of cocaine. That just probably made me break down (/nsrs) it was so horrible and heartbreaking.

I did cry again at the end of the movie but that was crying from joy because it was a good ending and it cheered me up immensely.

Unfortunately when the movie was over it was already like 23:20 for me so now i don’t have long left I should sleep. It’s 00:49.

But yeah my mental health is kicking my ass in terms of my academic endeavours and i really don’t appreciate that. Idk what to do to get myself to function normally again. My mom’s being super supportive of me now that she knows I’m mentally ill, but it still sucks because at least, before she found out she wasn’t so worried about me. After the doctors told her she broke down crying and ever since then she’s way too worried for me. Which is probably justified right now actually because it’s been so so hard to not kill myself. Im literally making exact plans in my head which is NOT good. And i keep zoning back in to realize that im singing a song in my head, and they’re like tunes of the muffin man rhyme or like some pop song but my brain’s using “i wanna die” and “im gonna kill myself” as lyrics. Which is. Disturbing. I didn’t think I’d be like this again after I was started on medications.

It was very sinister this morning zoning in and realising that im singing to the tune of the muffin man. “Im gonna kill myself, gonna kill myself, gonna kill myself” with all the cheeriness of the original rhyme. It was just. I’d say traumatising but in this case it’s my own brain giving me that trauma.

That’s really not something I want to do to myself.

I seem to keep alternating between “i wanna die because i don’t deserve happiness” and “i wanna die because i don’t deserve all the bad stuff happening to me”. Like brain, pick a side. Why exactly are we dying. Is life a good thing or not. Am i happy right now or not. I genuinely desire to know. What exactly is making me want to die.

Even if it’s mental illness, like what is it stemming from exactly. Okay my autism clinician said that i went into depression because of my autism and at the time I disagreed with him but recently I’ve started thinking maybe he’s not wrong, he’s right but not because of the reasons he’s thinking of. I know me being different from everyone else pisses me off a lot because i just want to fit in you know. Feel like i belong somewhere. And maybe the frustration of never having that is making me depressed.

I just. It’s different to what I’ve thought my entire life. Memory issues kick my ass too but for as long as I’ve known, in middle school i thought I was going crazy BECAUSE i wanted to kill myself so bad and that’s not a normal thing. Clinician hypothesised that i wanted to kill myself because i thought I was crazy? Okay maybe but idk. I’ve always believed the former but. What if the clinician is not wrong. Like what if I thought I was different and that’s why i wanted to kill myself, which led me to believe I was crazy. Like i knew I was different but i don’t think I paid that much attention to my difference. Like as much as the fact that people hated me and i hated myself. It is so so weird wanting to kill yourself when you’re barely conscious of the concept of death. I was a child. No child deserved that, not even me. With all the bitchiness that i had ih me back then. Even I didn’t deserve feeling like that at such a tiny age.

Every since finding out that im depressed and autistic, I’ve tried to help myself in any way I can but idk HOW. I’ve tried so many things that I’ve grown immune to practically every method I can think of. I go outside look at the sun look at trees touch grass and shit and all I can think is “im sweating. I wanna die.” I go to a public library and sit there in the midst of hundreds of books and i think “I’ll never be able to acquire all of the knowledge this library holds. I wanna die.” It rains. “My socks are wet. I wanna die.” I listen to upbeat music. “I wanna make an AMV of this so bad and i still haven’t made all the AMVs I’ve planned. Wanna die.” I listen to sad music. “Life is sad. Wanna die.” I literally will watch a show that i LIKE and ENJOY and that makes me HAPPY, but a couple episodes in i just turn it off because it’s not hitting and there’s no point. Like in the past idk decade of being depressed I’ve tried so many things that now i just feel immune to any motivating thing I come across. Now the things that motivate me are unconventional things like the Elon Musk deposition of today.

I don’t have time for this stuff right now. I need to study. I need to get past this and i need to get into university this year and i need to do so many things. And it’s a lot. I don’t have time to sit and slowly try to make myself function again. What i need to do is study. And fucking plane tickets or whatever.

Honestly when I go back to England this time I’m probably not gonna be able to stop myself from becoming violent if anyone at school pisses me off even once. And i probably don’t want to stop. The nice people won’t piss me off it’s only the gaands that will piss me off and they definitely deserve some kicks to the ass, accounting for all the times in the past 2 years that they’ve pissed me off.

Swearing in Hindi feels so freeing like no one will be able to tell I’m calling them an ass or a dick. They’re just sounds to generic white people. I could say it with a sweet tone and they wouldn’t be able to do anything because even if they think it’s a swear they can’t prove it because they don’t know Hindi and im saying it to them nicely anyway. Imagine saying “tere baap ke chuttad se nikla hua gadha” in a sweet voice and them doing absolutely nothing about it. Actually yes, im gonna do that if only to give them hell for being dicks during year 12.

Okay i feel better now with my new game plan. I might even work out again so I can put my karate skills to use. Im never seeing anyone from that school again, might as well go out with a bang.

Unconventional motivation to keep living. 👍

Anyway yeah it’s 01:15 i should probably go to bed now.

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galaxies-unknown · 1 year

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Hey, guys. It’s- been a while, again. Haven’t really posted here aside from signal boosts since March... My energy has remained on my little passion idea, and... I don’t have energy for anything else. My panic attacks have begun to calm down, but I did end up reverting back to being on melatonin and caffeine... So, yeah.

TL;DR: The hiatus continues, may become a full-blown archive. RP’ing on Discord only, for now. Doing better, mentally and physically.

I figure this fixation of mine on MHA won’t last a full-blown year, but it’s... possible. It’s certainly looking that way, since it’s been about seven months, and Toshinori Yagi continues to infiltrate my every thought. In that time, I had a few thoughts- and honestly, I considered archiving all my RP blogs on Tumblr entirely, because I feel bad staying away so long and claiming I’m ‘on hiatus’, when all my energy is on one fictional guy.

I also considered making new multis- dropping the muse list down even further, and just keeping my Sonic muses, KS, Queen Chrysalis, and Yagi/Fin. Technically, I already have the potential Sonic and KS multis already made, and the YagiFin one has been around for a while... But I still only have energy and desire for the one idea.

So the hiatus is going to continue. Most likely, it will end in an archive. Also potentially, I will return once my energy for Toshi has waned enough that I feel a desire to come back here more than just keep everyone else happy because I loved all we built.

From the dynamics of Velte with Dusk, to the friendship of Peach and Rouge with Bel, to the Sensei family chaos with S-Mun... I do love everything that was made here. I loved chatting with all of you, and I do hope we can continue to do so- I’m just not high-energy in those fandoms right now, nor will I probably be for a while longer. I’m not gonna ask you guys to stick around, especially with how the hiatus has been going on for two months, and probably won’t be ending soon, if it even does.

I’ve by-and-large swapped to RP’ing on Discord for the time being, and accepting very few RP partners at a time.- All of whom are MHA RP’rs, since that’s what my brain is stuck on like a broken record...

I’m available on Discord, under Writer#7548, if anyone wants to still chat. I recently culled my friends list of people I figured wouldn’t want to contact me/I haven’t spoken to in ages/didn’t get anywhere with, so apologies if you find that I’m no longer on your friends list. You can feel free to re-add me if such a thing has taken place.

I am still faintly active on Tumblr, but that’s under a new main that is NOT devoted to RP. I won’t be giving out the tag unless asked, since I know y’all are RP’rs and... This is kinda me saying my goodbye. I don’t know if it’s forever, I want to make it permanent and just come back or stay away- but I’m not sure what it is, if I’ll be back, all the things... I just hope you all do well. I love you mates, and thank you for the 4+ years of crazy Tumblr RP chaos. Please remember to take care of yourselves, and do what makes you happy (within reason).

#a million worlds/a million ideas | mun #//I dunno #//just wanted to update you all since it's been a while #//but yeah #//blogs that weren't dedicated to RP will be sent under the other ma1n #//while I see if this fixation of mine either sticks around or chills so I can slide back to RPing in other fandoms #//I'm only RP'ing on D1sc0rd right now and even that's with a very select few ppl #//I love you all #//thank you for the memories- just in case this really is my goodbye from the main Tumblr RPC #//may be deleted if I ever slide away from hiatus/potential archive

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fierceawakening · 1 year

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You know, the more I think about my mom’s behavior, the more the thing Forbidden YouTube calls “vulnerable narcissism” makes sense to me as an explanation, whether or not there is such a thing above and beyond stuff this one person I am related to does.

That being that literally everything is bad to or for her. My dad got implants put in his mouth and now she struggles to hear him, but instead of “oh fuck, this is an unfortunate confluence of disabilities it’s “I can’t understand him! Fierce, can you understand him! It’s just SO UPSETTING THAT I CANT UNDERSTAND MY OWN HUSBAND clearly the guy doing the implants is a HORRIBLE RIP OFF. I tried to convince him NOT TO SEE THAT GUY but NO.”

Or worse, “WHY doesn’t he pronounce words CLEARLY,” knowing he had speech therapy. Which is just mean, and would be even if people with normal hearing struggled to understand him too. But we don’t. Or at least I don’t.

All this when he’s in the middle of a surgery procedure with stages so switching dentists is a bad idea unless he’s doing it wrong or something.

Like it’s unfair she’s hearing impaired, just like it’s unfair I have impaired mobility. But no one failed to put a curb cut in a useful place AT me. I Can be annoyed at whoever designed or built it, but I shouldn’t lament my plight in ways that make other people feel bad but can’t be solved. All I can do is decide if I want to walk around to find a cut or if I don’t.

On some level my attitude is my responsibility. I have to decide to deal, or to make a change.

Which is likely why The Forbidden YouTubes say not to try to convince your family member or partner to change. Because if they’re fundamentally convinced things are bad AT them, that’s a distortion that no one can undistort but them. By choice.

Which is a thing I did by choice when I decided to work on my own mental health. I tried very hard to ask myself what I could expect from other people and what I’d need to provide to them for our relationships to be positive, and thought really hard about how to get what I needed if I was asking too much.

It was kind of painful to withdraw when I still felt hurt, and it took a lot of getting used to. Now, though? “Hey Fierce, I feel for you but I’m overwhelmed myself/I need to go for dinner with friends/blah” “Oh okay, I’m gonna talk to another friend/play video games/exercise until im too exhausted to feel like shit. Thanks for listening.” And I still feel kinda bad but that’s not a betrayal. Friend left because Friend has own life. Which is just as scary and confusing as mine is.

When I see Tumblr saying that people just GET to not show empathy, or just GET to offer non reciprocal relationships, it really sounds to me like what’s being said is “you don’t have to bother trying not to hurt others, you poor baby.”

And I just… no. You get to think about whether someone’s demands are too much, sure. You get to decide the answer is yes.

But that may actually mean “the compassionate thing to do is cut this person off, because I’m unable to be the kind of partner or friend they need unless I become better at reciprocal relationships, which is hard for me.”

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jurinova · 9 months

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Hi! I wanted to get in contact with you for a couple reasons. You can feel free to answer this publicly or privately, whichever you're comfortable with, and your welcome to DM me if you need to have me clarify or explain more about the situation.

1, sorry for the spam, and 2, I'm really glad I have finally found your blog, Because I've been looking for a minute now. For starters thank you for unaware and subtle influence to my art style and my own outfit designs, I've really become super into outfit design wayyyy more than I was years ago when I first saw your outfit meme, and better at it two and secondly, one of your outfits was the first set of clothes i ever drew when I was redesigning my first OC from being a fandom and animal character to being more stand alone and human, years ago, and that means personally a lot to me, especially since I'm hoping to make something like a webcomic or animation outta my own characters and story eventually.

Although, to be fully honest and transparent, the reason it took so long to find your blog is because I didn't find your meme through Tumblr, I found it on Google images on Pinterest and lost the image and etc when I moved phones (where I do my art on), and full transparency, I do suffer from some mental health issues and one of those unfortunately means I have a really bad memory, and admittedly, I must of at some point just forgot that I had drawn the outfit from your meme originally and have continued using it? Im actually embarrassed to admit that and I feel awful about using your design for so long before I actually remembered that it wasn't mine or just something I saw someone wear once irl or etc, and I wanted to let you know that now that I am fully 110% aware now, and are older/wiser enough to know better than to use even others outfit designs like it's no big deal and that I wanna do what I can to fix things?

I'm planning on redesigning my main OC, who rn you can see clearly in the outfit on my icon/blog to have a different default outfit, and trying to go back to everything that has the old outfit and give proper credit, but I wanted to ask if there was anything else I can do or etc to help mend myself forgetting the outfit wasn't mine and using it so long without permission/credit. Because as someone who ended up making my own outfit memes, and has had designs and art basically stolen or having others take credit for, I feel awful that I somehow got myself to this point where I was absent mindedly using your design this whole time. Your art and designs are really fantastic and I don't wanna contribute to you not getting that attention/credit as I have been doing, and I feel bad I even forgot that kinda thing in the first place. I'm just glad I woke up and realized that I had basically gaslit myself into forgetting it was your design/one from a meme and not mine, because the last thing I'd want is to continue being a design thief now that I'm aware, and I'm glad at least I caught it before I started making my own comic or etc and had continued doing it.

TL;DR I've been accidentally using one of your outfits designs as a default on a main character of mine for a few years now, unaware I was even doing it because of certain memory issues I have, and now that I am fully aware, I want to deeply apologize and try to fix things and tell you that I plan to stop and change their default attire completely and go back and credit you wherever I can wherever I have used it, and ask if there is anything more I could do to fix this mess I've made?

Hi! First of all: Absolutely no need to apologize for spamming me with likes! That was great, and really made me smile. Thank you for that!

Secondly, thank you for having the courage to message me about a matter like this. Of course, I feel sad to know that my outfits memes are floating in Pinterest and who knows where but that is something many artists these days have to face. The internet culture currently is about sharing and many people don't stop to think about the consequences, and that sharing images might cause problems for artists. Without sources people can't find the right artist or they may not know that the content was not for taking. Obviously I don't want people to intentionally take my designs or art, but I am aware that it can happen completely unintentionally: which I'm sure was the case with you.

So, please don't feel bad about the situation anymore! We all make mistakes, that's just life. The fact that you're choosing not to use the outfit in the future is enough for me. It actually feels great to be an inspiration and to know that my outfits are well liked, so if I can offer any further advice it's this: go forth and design more cool outfits! Be inspired by others but always create something that is yours. When you look at the old outfit on your character, think about what was it that made it seem so perfect for that character. Then take those parts and transform it into something new, something better, something more you. That's really the cool thing about designing, you really get to express yourself and your characters through outfits. It's why I love doing it so much.

I wish you all the best and good luck with your webcomic project! ✨

#asks #askstrangeweird #long post

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