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miyacults · 3 months

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begging on my hands and knees for a sequel to the daddy gojo fic but w sugu please please please

a/n: my dear nonnie this is less than u actually deserve but i hope it fuels the stsg daddy agenda im pushing here.

violet, blue, green, red to keep me out… i win.

( ft. suguru geto. )

Suguru’s nowhere near salvation—soul too damned to expect something else—yet his heart aches, breaks, and cries blood at the mere thought of not deserving you. He might have made a path down the cursed side of being a Sorcerer with Satoru next to him, making the best of his efforts on keeping you away from that devilish facade of his you haven’t seen yet, and although he’s the one to blame when you finally do, well—he can’t hide anymore. That’s the price that comes with being one of the Strongests.

< part one.

wc: 3k (proofread? probably not)

cw: [ 18+ explicit content minors dni ] technically this is part two of a gojo fic (linked above) but can be read individually so no biggie. fem reader (female bodied). teacher!suguru meaning he did not deflect here okay, we’re living a happy life away from the pain. first one was gojo action so this is for geto action only but poly satosugu is clearly implied, that’s the whole point of this basically hehe. daddy kink and daddy dynamic so be very careful! minimal to no prep. unprotected sex. p in v sex. mentions of blood. mentions of death. these two pamper reader too much so reader’s a little spoiled but in the good way. geto is a sweet pretty much. if i forgot anything to put here lemme know. enjoy! <3~

From time to time, Suguru wonders about his soul in genuine distress. Perhaps out of guilt and worry and only in moments like these—well past midnight with bloodied nuckles and heavy footsteps echoing through thin walls, dragging himself up the stairs of the palatial home he and Satoru bought together, with nothing but a familiar sense of anxiety building in his chest. But it’s not like his personal cup of remorse is filled with all the haunting thoughts of the bad things he has done and seen in his life thanks to his sinister line of work, or as if such awful thoughts could actually pull some strings within his untainted heart—because that’s far from being the case.

It’s just—it’s just who he is. The blessing and the curse of being a Sorcerer, of swallowing venom as a whole to save the lives of those who live an ignorant bliss.

White marble stains in scarlet as he approaches his bedroom in silence, mind reflecting on the fact that things should be good now, that everything’s fine and danger has been erased. Any man in love would have handled the situation in the exact way he did, wouldn’t they? He wonders about this, too, quite frequently, and he hates to admit that the question lingers on his brain for far too long for his own liking. It makes him dread the fact that he’s not doing a good job in taking care of you.

Yet it doesn’t matter, as Suguru already knows the answer better than anyone—and he doesn’t qualify much for the kind-hearted-person term (or so he’s been thinking since the last blossom of his youth and the tragedies that showered his naive teen years catches him off guard). But he really doesn’t want to either, because then that would mean that he can’t successfully protect the thing he cares about the most in the world. And he can’t let that happen.

But the look Satoru shoots at him as soon as he opens his bedroom door and finds him sitting comfortably in the wide couch—awaiting his return, as usual—has him breathing correctly again, mind turning back from unwanted ideas that bother him to no end.

“You got busy tonight, huh,” Satoru murmurs quietly, head lolling to the side while scanning his best friend’s tired figure.

“I took care of the scum,”

“And didn’t invite?”

Suguru’s lips turn into a devious smirk, heavy body finally falling between the many soft pillows his large bed has.

“Princess was so upset, needed you to stay by her side,” he resolves quite calmly, dried blood forcing a horrid contrast to his charming features. “If I’m not there to hold her, then you must,”

There’s a silent warning to his words, and Satoru doesn’t have to make an effort to catch it immediately. He already knows it by heart, he always has—he always will.

“She couldn’t stop crying for over an hour anyway,” he ends up retorting sharply instead, hoarse voice weighing a tone of suppressed anger. “Hope you gave the bastard a merciless death,”

How couldn’t he after what he did to you?

The day had started quiet, tranquil—the week itself abnormally peaceful for them. Maybe it was the fleeing summer coercing the unpleasant job of Sorcerers into days of calm, long work hours slowing down and making them believe they couldn’t relax a little bit. So they decided that it would be a good idea to take you to that new coffee shop in Shinjuku you were dying to go lately. And it was fine, of course, you were incredible happy to be outside the walls of home as you hold hands with both them in a sea of smiley people.

Until it wasn’t.

That desolated look on your face when you found yourself trapped into the arms of some Curse User seeking vengeance towards them—Suguru memorized it, because it caused him some undescribable pain he couldn’t possibly explain even if he tried to. His heart shattered into a million tiny pieces at the sight of gleaming tears drying in your cheeks and the sound of broken sobs, garbled whimpers of their names coming out of parted lips as you held onto nothing for balance, unable to stop yourself from breaking down at the fear, the horror, the trepidation it forced your body into a shock.

He couldn’t prevent what happened after they took you back and he tried to calm you down by placing you in Satoru’s lap, hurriedly murmuring something about making it right. It’s gonna be okay, princess, you’re gonna be okay. He won’t hurt you ever again. I’m here to protect you.

Maybe—just maybe—you heard the strained tone that bathed his words in that moment. And maybe you didn’t understand it right away, or maybe you didn’t want to.

Because Suguru has always been there to make things right, and nothing else has to matter when he and Satoru are there to protect you from the dangers of the world.

Like they have devoted themselves to do.

Suguru doesn’t remember the exact time you came into his life—he doesn’t really care to, because he knows you’ve pretty much always been there. He has no idea where do his memories begin or end at, but the teary-doe look of your face has been plaguing the tissues of his brain for so long now he can’t find himself to remember a time where it hasn’t been there.

He remembers his first day at Jujutsu High, during the spring of him being fifteen and you a little less than that, when he saw you adverting everyone’s gaze as you walked behind your mother (an assistant director, of all things) towards the offices in silence—floral dress wrinkly as you seated in some chair and patiently waited for your mom to finish off her work. No complaints but with a huge pout, bored to death.

He remembers the first time Satoru made you cry by telling you you were a weak nuisance (and how he shortly laughed at that), and he remembers the sickening feeling of nausea that infected his stomach shortly after—and he remembers how it didn’t disappeared until he handed you a beverage from the machines and you smiled at him like none of them ever harmed you in the first place.

He remembers you admiring your mother’s ivory dress the day she married principal Yaga, and he remembers the way he took your hand into his to give you a little bit of courage as you and Satoru walked down the aisle side by side, carrying the rings of the newlyweds.

He remembers the winter of Satoru’s eighteenth birthday, when the white-haired man accidentally dropped a box full of the school’s Christmas decorations over you, making you trip down the stairs and hurt your ankle. He remembers the tears that stained his posh pajama pants when you shouted at him—immediately, instantly—crying out his name and seeking comfort. He also remembers the way Satoru moved around you like a lighting bolt, reaching and lifting you up in his arms before Suguru could arrive. Soothing sweet words into your ear, kissing your cheek as he darted a glare in his direction.

He remembers that they both shared the same thought at that moment, even though it was never vocalized.

He remembers how you have always made him feel this sick—as if you’re infesting his body and refusing to let him cure himself off you at all. He remembers because the feeling doesn’t really stops, never has, probably never will, and he has now grow a little too familiar with the lingering explosion of things that do make him feel alive bubbling in his chest. He’s now used to you setting his soul on fire and making him sick.

But it’s special, nonetheless. A sugary sweet method of inflicting pain—as Satoru likes to say.

Because Suguru Geto is not exactly a good person by his own perspective—but he likes to believe he’s a good man to both you and Satoru, for selfish that could be. The kind of man that puts your safety and well-being on top of anything else, the one that ensures both of your happiness above his own. He’s the type of man that allows some of his darkest desires to die in a fire, following what he believes is the right thing to do.

“Sugu?”

He can hear it clearly, so vivid and bright and sweet it makes him terribly sick all of a sudden. Singsong and gently voice, coated in saccharine sugar echoing through his ears as the most enthralling tone wraps around his name like a prayer, the deliberately long uttering of ‘Sugu’ forcing the curves of his lips to fall abruptly, his heart stopping without notice and an invisible punch to the guts knocking all the air out of his lungs.

“‘Toru, Daddy, where are you?”

Suguru waits—pretends he doesn’t really care as your footsteps sound closer, closer, closer, and his posture maintains, seemingly calm, apparently unbothered, somewhat bored. But, oh, Satoru knows.

Satoru knows as he sits by his side on the obsidian sectional sofa, with legs crossed and arms splayed over the border, that his best friend’s mind is going on a haze, a brand new sense of anxiety crawling under his skin like a thousand bugs eating him alive. Satoru’s almost certain, he’s sure that if he gets a little closer, the violent sounds of Suguru’s heart pounding in alarming violence against his ribs would cause him physical pain. It puts him on edge; the mere thought of his best friend’s reaction at what’s about to happen now.

If it were him, he wouldn’t care. He hadn’t care in the past, actually. Satoru has always been more than happy to let you near the side of him that glows closer to hell than heaven itself.

But Suguru is different, he thinks.

“She’s supposed to be sleeping,” Suguru stares at him blankly, a hint of irritation in his voice. “It’s long past midnight, and she gets all cranky in the morning every time she stays up,”

“She was sleeping,” Satoru stands up, a sigh sliding past his lips while moving to the bedroom door. “But you already know how she gets if she wakes up for water and is all alone in bed. She gets all needy,”

Suguru raises an eyebrow.

“And who’s fault is that, huh?”

“It’s not polite to finger-point, Suguru.”

Both of them stay silent for a bit, carefully paying attention to your sounds. Suguru tuts his tongue when he hears you calling his name near the bathroom hall.

“I’m too bloodied for her to see me like this,”

“Clearly. Just stay there, lemme—,” Satoru scoffs, opening the door and then closing it behind him swiftly before you can catch a glimpse of the inside. “Oi, sweets, what do you think you’re doing out of bed?”

“But ‘Toru,” you complain in a hushed whine. “You left me alone, you know I don’t like that. It didn’t felt warm anymore,”

Suguru can’t see you—all he has is a muffled sound of your distorted voice, and he swears he knows exactly the way your lips are pushing the loveliest pout to ever exist, the way you’re looking at Satoru through sleepy eyelashes as you put your little complaint out.

And he also knows Satoru might have rolled his eyes playfully at the sight, pulling you closer to steal a kiss from your frowned lips.

“So needy, my baby is so needy,”

“Is Suguru not home yet?” you ask slowly, perhaps setting your groggy eyes into Satoru, staring at him with that enamored look they both know too well.

“Do you want Daddy?”

“Yeah, I do,” you snort.

“I’m your Daddy and I’m home, so,”

“I want both,” you giggle softly, so sweetly Suguru can feel his insides melt at the sound of your bubbling laugh.

He’s sure Satoru has you entangled in a hug, probably sneaking his hands all over your body and tickling your sides to pull a smile.

“Oh, your dumb Daddy, too. Alright. I dunno where he is, sweets,” Satoru states, as if.

“How mean, ‘Toru.”

“Excuse me? What did you just call me?”

“Mean. You’re lying to me.”

Suguru smirks at that. He stands up from the bed and walks towards the door to open it and find you both in the exact position he predicted.

And the look you shoot his way, the frown that forms in your face and your pretty features contract in sudden worry when his frame appears in front of you—it all has his heart pounding like crazy, he feels so loved, he feels so full of you. He feels insatiable.

“Oh,” you let out a little squeal as you shift from Satoru’s embrace and into his, “Sugu, you—”

“Don’t worry much about this, princess,” he mumbles, catching you inside his arms like the world depends on it. “I’m okay.”

But he’s sure you’re crying anyway.

And you don’t even stop to think about the blood. You don’t even care that he reeks of death and violence and Curses as you hold onto him for dear life, with arms that wrap tightly around him and pull him closer, closer, even closer; as lips caress the skin of his neck and little mewls echoe softly against his throat. Pants of I love you, I don’t want anything bad happening to you, I love you, fueling his mind like a bomb ready to launch.

Satoru laughs it off with a devious smile.

“Poor baby, you have her worried sick, Suguru,” he falsely chides. “Guess you gotta make it up to her.”

“Uh-huh,” Suguru nods. “My poor princess, do you want Daddy to make it alright?”

You nod in between heavy breaths, head still buried in his neck. Satoru gives a soft slap to your ass whimsically.

“So needy,” the Strongest murmurs, but he rapidly turns away and aims for the stairs. “I’m gonna go find a snack though, I’m starving. And then I’m gonna prepare a bath so you both can meet me there in a bit,”

Suguru nods.

“Go on. Let me take this princess to bed in the mean time, then we meet you in the bathtub,”

Suguru takes you to his large bed and places you in the middle of many soft pillows cooing in your ear to wash the concern out of you, but you’re reluctant. You cup his face and scan him looking for wounds, soon realizing the ugly streaks of scarlet that stain his face are, in fact, not his. But even then you don’t flinch. Instead, you let your hands wander all over his chest—desperate to pull him into you, to merge your bodies and never letting him go, never separated.

“Oh?” Suguru smiles at your scattered words. There’s still blinks of sleep tugging at your tired eyes, and he can’t help but fondle your face cautiously. “Are we merging with Satoru too, hm?”

You nod, sulky little look fighting sleepiness with all you got.

“Of course, Daddy, always with ‘Toru,”

“That’s right, princess. Always with Satoru,”

You inhale a deep breath. It’s easy for Suguru to notice every little thing about you, so he caught up on your train of thoughts before yourself. You were struggling with some words, biting your lip, eyelashes fluttering, thinking hard about something.

“What is it, baby?” He wonders carefully, hot breath colliding with your face, nose caressing the soft skin of your cheeks as he inhales your scent.

“Did you do a bad thing, Sugu?”

The question lingers on his brain for a few seconds, mind resisting on reflecting such thoughts. Yet his expression doesn’t change, he maintains serenity as the brush of skin above yours doesn’t stop. He holds you like a priced possession, like your mere existence could ever absolve the decaying all Sorcerers are damned to. Like you could kiss him and save him, like you could hug him and guard him—as if you could turn blood into holy water or death into salvation.

Maybe you can.

“Will you still love me if I did?” He asks, not dreading the answer.

“I will never stop loving you, Daddy,”

It ignites his body. Fire burns at his fists and he kisses you deeply, mouths meeting around a new heat, with tongues slipping and teeth clashing desperately. He has no intention of letting you catch a break, mouth falling to your neck where he bites at the sensitive skin and causes you to mewl.

“Ow, Suguru, that’s mean,” you grumble, but you part your bare legs anyway when his hands drop and brush at your thighs.

“Can’t help it, princess,” he press a chaste kiss to your lips once more. “You gonna let me play a little with this pretty pussy, yeah?” The words flee his throat in a raspy tone, and his hands don’t stop. He hikes up that oversized cashmere sweater, that can only belong to Satoru, barely above the line of your lacey black panties, enough for him graze it and get a glimpse of your puffy lips against the fabric, awaiting for him. Suguru traces a finger along your cunt, causing you to shiver at the cold digits. “How gorgeous,”

You pant. “But—The bath, Sugu,”

“He can wait a little,” he says into your mouth “Gonna make you feel really good, princess,” he breathes heavily, rocking his hip a little as a thumb strikes tenderly your cunt through your panties.

And he notices right away—in the way you shiver under his touch when he hovers completely above you, how a breathless sigh escapes past your parted lips and your fists grab a handful of his shoulders to attach yourself onto him and make his bulge nudge your cunt. He repeats the motion a few times, mouth leaving stray kisses in your neck and already throbbing cock humping your covered pussy through his pants.

“Sugu,” you whine at one particularly hard thrust of his hips, involuntary loud moan reverberating from the back of your throat. “‘Toru,”

“Shh, princess,”

Suguru is fast at parting your panties to the side, and he says there’s no need for prepping you tonight, says it’s gonna be real quick so you can both go back to Satoru—with his cock an angry shade of red as its released free from his trousers and it aims for your tiny hole fast, thrusting in one go. You’re whimpering at how fast it happens, cunt burning at the sudden intrusion since he is usually the one that takes his time to properly prep you to take his cock.

You guess he’s feeling off, so you happily comply if that’ll help him.

“Want you, Sugu, I need you,”

“Ah-ah, my good girl,” he grunts lightly, hands steadying you by the ass as he finally bottoms out. “Can you keep doing that for me? Can you be a good girl?”

A loud hiss vibrates through clenched teeth as you wrap your legs around his hips, head nodding many forms of yes as you inch closer to him in distress.

“That’s it baby, take it pretty,”

“H-Hurts a little, Sugu,” you murmur softly, eyes glued to where he’s slowly sliding in and out.

“I know princess,” he pants. “Give it a minute,” He’s practically caging you shortly after, thrusting up roughly as stretched out walls wrap him and suck him deeply. You’re not given a chance to recover or adjust properly, but the burning does start to fade away. Discomfort grows into pleasure and whimpers turn into soft moans as you bury your face on his neck and his hot breath collides sharply against the shell of your ear. “You’re so brave, my good girl. So pretty, my princess,”

You lift your hips to meet his thrusts, dainty fingers digging the flesh of his shoulders when he grunts. And it doesn’t take long for tears to collect in your eyes as heat floods your body once again, the familiar throb of your clit making you aggravate the hump of your hips so your swollen bud finds a little bit of friction. Suguru doesn’t fail to turn you into a needy mess, strong hand coming to cover the cries emitting from your mouth.

Muffled chants of Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, alongside his hoarse grunts and the lewd slap of skin against skin are the only sounds that fly the room when he cums—bruising fingers grasping your flesh harshly as he paints your walls white, and nearly immediately you’re creaming all over the tip of his sensitive cock firmly pressed against your cervix.

“Not leaving you baby,” he pants out. “Not leaving you at all.”

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thatscarletflycatcher · 8 months

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There's something that has been gnawing at me since I saw some comments on the look-how-they-massacred-them poll for Daniel Sousa -with which I didn't want to engage then and there because I really didn't want to pick up a fight with another Daniel fan, there's few enough of us, but also because the argument was very difficult to articulate.

It is difficult to explain how Daniel Sousa is screwed over by Endgame without making it look like either "he deserved Peggy as a prize" or "he was the perfect prize for Peggy", because it all begins by understanding the experience of WWII and the building of the morale of WWII. Something that Markus and McFeely seemed to perfectly understand in Agent Carter, which inclines me to believe it was specific insistence of the Russos, whose concept of narrative and storytelling is at the level of a belligerent and not very bright 4 year old, that gave us that mindblowingly stupid "happy ending" for Cap and Peggy. Or maybe Markus and McFeely are just arcane creatures, at times intelligent and at times really dumb. Anyways.

Point is that both CATFA and Agent Carter understand that for these characters, fighting WWII is a matter of "each doing their bit", of, as Steve put it in The Avengers, to lay on the barbed wire so the one that comes after you can pass on. And in the process of doing that, you have great loses and suffer great grief. The price of war is immense, and for these people the price of war is the price of freedom (yes, that celebrated Steve speech from CATWS is also sharing in that same spirit. It's kind of impressive how until that awful mess of Endgame, the perspective of Steve as a character from movie to movie is one that addresses how some 1940s things are outdated, but how many others are still relevant and inspiring. It is a surprisingly nuanced take on History, that of course the Russo "Cap is an outdated relic that belongs in the past and should stay there" brothers don't seem to have what's needed to grasp).

In that context, the most coherent tone for Steggy is tragedy. Because that is what happened to many, many, many people during the war. You meet, you fall in love fast, because there is no time. And then suddenly the other is gone, never to come back. And all the promises of youth and life and future the other person represented, are gone with them. People who lived through 2020-2022 have some idea of what it is like for projects, opportunities, and years of your life to just vanish. Now you make that five years, eight months, and to mention "just" the British, 1 out every 100 people live in 1939, dead, and over 350.000 permanently disabled. If you were 20 in 1939, your life would be practically on hold till you were 26. It's a whole lot of grief, and an intense grief, that you don't solve the way you solve a random missing connection in a romcom like Serendipity or The Lake House. Doing so is cheapening and bastardizing the grief and trauma of a whole generation of people in different countries.

So, Agent Carter. Here we have a story focused on a group of people, spies, who, in different fronts and with different outcomes, made it through the war and are now facing this new world they are living in, and all the grief of their respective losses. The focus of the story is Peggy, a woman who, like many others, was allowed a wide range of action during the war, and is now subconsiously perceived as a threat by many of her male coworkers. It's a desperate bid to "go back to the way things were before", and her presence is a constant reminder that they can't.

Sousa occupies a very similar position to Peggy's: he's also a reminder that the war happened and that there is no way back, no magic solution, no pretending. And that's why both are ignored, and displaced, and why both struggle to prove themselves in a subconscious way while living by the continued principle that they are doing their bit. That is their lifeline that keeps them sane and working all throughout s1 of Agent Carter.

That's what we mean when we say Peggy and Sousa are equals, and that Sousa is contented with letting her have the spot; not because he's her inferior or her dependant, but because he's her equal -in intelligence, in ideals, in resourcefulness, in loyalty, but also in their relative positions in the power ladder- and does not feel threatened by her because of it.

(It is in this context, btw, that Peggy's rebuke of Daniel's "rescue" of her in the first episode must be understood. Because she was once treated like any other officer/agent of her same rank, she has knee jerk reactions to both being demeaned and being protected. It's also an important theme of that beginning of the series that Peggy needs to learn to let her friends in, and that she needs their help, and that that doesn't make her too weak to protect and defend them.)

But also, in another way, when we talk about Sousa becoming Peggy's husband, it has to do with the sentiment Krezminsky expresses in the series:

The ship of Steggy had sailed and was gone forever since the moment Steve became the legend in the ice and Peggy "Cap's Girl", this embodiment of the ridiculous damsel in distress we hear in the radio drama that plays on one of the episodes: Peggy fell in love with Steve when he was a scrawny, sickly lad, because she loved the man he was inside, but now forever for the world she is just another superficial, weak girl lusting after the handsome godlike rescuer, the picture of the eugenic dream of the übermensch. In Daniel Peggy loves and finds all the same things she found and loved in Steve, but in a different light, because Sousa is a different person, with a different life story, plus something else: they have both gone through war and its loss and grief, and come to the other side in need of rebuilding and finding new meaning in life and hope for the future.

In a world where the Dark, Tall and Handsome Hero of the Six Pack, Alpha Dominance and Endless Stamina reigns supreme, Sousa as a love interest is a remarkable and -sadly- bold statement about the things that truly matter in finding one's life partner.

So I think here is a reasonable point to start talking about Sousa in Agents of SHIELD. Because here's where someone would rationally say "well, but you see, there he's also chosen as a love interest!", and the reasons why context in AoS changes everything are multiple, so let's go there.

But before that, let me make clear that I do wholeheartedly believe the writers of AoS meant to honor Sousa, and sincerely tried to do their best with what they were given. That doesn't change what the end product ended up doing and saying about him.

Like Peggy is the main character of Agent Carter, so Daisy is the main character of Agents of SHIELD. As much as you can say all the team characters are important and get the focus, Daisy is the one which the narrative insists on making the focal point, as the arcs of several seasons hinge on her, and we are expected to sympathize with her first and foremost in any situation in which she is personally involved. But unlike Peggy, Daisy is a superpowered individual. She's more like Steve than Peggy; she's practically a demigod. She is capable of ripping Earth apart with just her hands. Where Peggy and Sousa were equals in the power ladder in-universe, in AoS the distance between Daisy and Sousa is abysmal. That imbalance is the first thing that leads to Sousa being put in the position of Daisy's Boy. The fact that he ends up in space with Daisy's last minute sister who is ALSO an inhuman does not help things.

As a side note, there's something to be said about futuristic prosthetics in AoS and how they interesect with disability. But I'd rather not get into it because it is a thorny subject and I don't feel qualified to speak of it.

In a different way, Daniel being Peggy's love interest in Agent Carter is balanced out by his having a life of his own and many interactions with other characters throughout the series. He pursues his own lines of investigation, he conducts interrogations of his own, he comes up with plans, he teams up with Krezminsky and with Thompson and in s2 he has downright made a life for himself as chief in California with a fiancé and all. There is a clear sense that he exists as a character outside of pining for Peggy.

In AoS, the opposite happens. Part of it is owed to the writers writing themselves into a corner: to take Sousa out of his timeline, they have to do it in such a way that his disappearance is inconspicuous, which means killing him. They do it the best way they can think of, honoring his alertness and intelligence, by making him realize HYDRA is infiltrated in SHIELD decades before anyone else does. But as a consequence, Sousa becomes the man out of time: there's no future for him, because he has died, and unlike Steve, he's not being brought back because he himself is required. They just save him because they take pity on him and the tragedy of his life. So he has no mission and no significant previous connection with anyone on the team. One of the concrete things in which this is evidenced the most is with the switch from being addressed as chief Sousa to Agent Sousa. He was chief, but between that SHIELD and this SHIELD there's not such a connection by which he can claim that title. There's no subordinates to manage. So he's sort of default-called agent without really being a proper agent.

So the writers choose the fish-out-of-water concept for him. Which is far fetched. This guy lived through wwii in a high spy setting where intelligence has knowledge of powerful interstellar aliens. He's most definitely not bewildered by phone cameras, guys. He would quickly adapt... if, again, you know, he was brought back for a mission. But the reality is that from a Doylist POV, he was brought in to be Daisy's love interest, and the only thing he can offer to her, in this huge power imbalance I have pointed out, is chivalrous manners and quaint WWII style references like when he tells her "Agent Johnson, we are going home"; both can be very charming to a modern woman, but they are things that highlight the cultural and psychological distances that separate them, and make it glaringly obvious that they have barely anything in common.

The series tries desperately to give them common ground in the time-loop episode, with this idea that Daisy is like Peggy because she sacrifices herself for others and to protect others all the time. Which is laughable because, again, in Daisy's condition of beloved main character that embodies the tortured, quasi byronic heroine that we understand to be the hallmark of about one half of the contemporary superhero type, the narrative and the characters in it bend all sorts of ways to accommodate her, not the other way around. Peggy's type is different because it is rooted in that WWII morale/frame I was talking about at the beginning of the post.

As a consequence of all of this, Sousa barely interacts with anyone that isn't Daisy (he has of personal scenes, what? one or two with Coulson, the scene where Jemma gives him a new prosthetic, and then he's given an idea to give to Mac in the finale. I don't remember any other non-Daisy ones), has no unique role to fulfill in the mission (specially because so much of the plan is entwined in Fitz and Jemma's rescue plan that was NOT counting with Sousa) and no personal goal to achieve, which weakens his standing as a character outside the romance plot, and when it comes to the romance plot, he has nothing in common with Daisy, and he brings nothing to the partnership other than... narratively forced love, and chivalrousness.

In the end, Daniel, who was a character and a person of relevance in Agent Carter, is nerfed and turned into a prop for the rushed happily ever after of the main character of AoS. And that, in my books, is being screwed over. That's what makes his becoming Peggy's husband and building a life and a future with her a much better and more preferable outcome for Daniel; he gets to build a life of meaning by his own significant work and significant connections, in his own time and place, with a wife who is his equal and with other people that have lived through the same collective experiences of trauma and grief he did.

#Daniel Sousa #Agent Carter #AoS #meta #peggysous

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kurain-genealogy · 7 months

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i said i was gonna post about it and i am. i don't think william afton hates his kids. i don't think william afton is a mad scientist that kidnapped and put children in hallucinogenic gas chambers. whatever the fuck dittophobia said about afton doing all that, plus not stopping/furthering the bullying between michael and cc, is just dumb & wrong. william wanting his kids to fight, even die, is comically evil in the "bad writing" way. him being characterized as someone who experiments on children (including his own with no regard for their lives) in order to achieve immortality or whatever his supposed motivation is, is just really... nothing? as a character there is nothing to make him feel real. in an attempt to flesh out this character, they made him into a cartoon villain with "evil" being his only defining trait. whatever, i could talk for so long about how dumb i think all the dittophobia stuff is but i think most ppl on tumblr are on the same page regarding that.

to me, william afton is best characterized as someone who, at the Very Least, Doesn't Want His Own Children To Die. he can be a shitty father all around, or he can be a genuine loving father who is also a serial killer, as long as he Cares if they Die? most of what makes william afton an interesting villain, and where a lot of people interpret his motivation comes from, is how despite all his best efforts, he cannot prevent the death or downfall of his own family. he is in a tragedy of his own making, a self-imposed hell crafted by his hubris and violence. if you take this away, why should i care what happens to him? william afton was scariest when he was just purple guy and we knew nothing. william afton is most interesting when we have all these relationships and dynamics where we can seriously study and speculate the circumstances behind/around his actions, when he has something to lose (and will lose). william afton is most stale when more things are added to his story without purpose, filling in gaps that were better unfilled or we didn't even know were there – anything after UCN, basically. bro isn't scary anymore because he's either peepaw afton who's brought back despite his story being over, or he's cartoon network's newest over-the-top villian that you can't take seriously.

okay anyway. ANYWAY. william doesn't hate his kids. even if he's a shitty father, i think he still loves his kids. why else would he try and scare his kids away from the robots if he didn't want them to die? why would he design circus baby after his daughter if he didn't care for her, adore her, even? if you believe the theory that he talked to cc through the fredbear plush (idr if that's actually canon), why would he be trying to protect/comfort him?

i don't think he's a perfect, or even a good father, by any means. if you interpret him to be on the better side, that's great and fine. i'd love to hear how other people interpret/characterize afton if you wanna share! continuing on for this post, i'm going to lay out how i personally see william afton.

to me, he is someone who is very concerned and preoccupied with his image and how others view him & his family. even if he's super shitty and awful towards his kids, he at least cares that they all look good as a family unit, that they're well behaved, that he can send family portrait holiday cards to all his business partners and investors.

he strikes me very much as the typical authoritarian parent of the 80s. harsher on his sons because "men don't cry," wants his kids to say "yes, sir," and "no, sir," believes in "tough love," often says "my house, my rules," he has the final say in everything, maybe thinks hitting them from time to time is a normal, necessary punishment. not all entirely malicious, but thinks he's doing what's best, what's right, acting like a parent and father Should act, perhaps how he himself was raised. unfortunately, a very common parental mindset (even outside of serial killers). maybe he was a little scarier sometimes though, a little more unhinged or violently angry. who's to say.

but he's still just a guy who could exist in real life. he still eats dinner with his family every night, hangs his kids' drawings on the fridge, had to turn the car around because they wouldn't stop fighting in the backseat, attended awkward parent-teacher conferences, everything. he was once a new father who happily came home with his first newborn, lost countless nights of sleep over the course of two more, loves them because they're his.

meticulously and senselessly killed children, then came home and tucked his own into bed and kissed them goodnight.

he can be abusive and still love his kids. he can be a murderer and still care for his own kids' lives. maybe the loss of his own kids is what triggered his actions, or maybe it was something else. i'm fine with not knowing because we don't need to know everything, and it's more interesting when we don't.

Something Is Seriously Wrong With This Guy And We Don't Know What or Why. when acquaintances find out he's a suspected murderer, it should be shocking and upsetting. he's such a great man and father, he wouldn't murder those kids! when michael discovers his father's crimes, he should be in denial. sure, he could be scary sometimes, but he wouldn't kill anyone... right? there's a great cognitive dissonance between who he appears to be and who he actually is.

whether william descended into grief-induced madness and obsession, or was just always some kind of freak, or both, i don't think he saw his own family as disposable. even if he didn't truly love them, he at least needed to keep up his own facade as a friendly family man. personally i like to see him as someone who was a shitty father but still loved his kids, because people like that exist, and it makes him a much more interesting, realistic, and nuanced character than if he just didn't care about them At All.

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #william afton #purple guy #dontlistento me #sorry if this is so incoherent or all over the place or rambly. im insane.#fuck it im posting

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thecagedsong · 8 months

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So one take on TOTK’s ending I’ve seen quite a bit of is the idea that it deprived all dramatic weight from Zelda’s sacrifice and that she should have suffered the consequences of her choice (I.e. stay a dragon forever or come back as a dragon human hybrid). This strikes me as a shallow reading of the text and another example of how some people think punishment (or in this case “dying for a cause”) is the only viable ending for someone who made the choice Zelda made. It really rubs me the wrong way given all the development and tragedy she faced in both games. What are your thoughts?

There is something beautiful and tragic and meaningful about the stories etched upon our skin by powers beyond our control. I don't think the people that wish for Amputee Link or Dragon Zelda think that 'dying for a cause' is the only reward for sacrifice. It comes from the truth that most of us don't get to recover from the consequences of our actions the way characters in a story can. Which I absolutely get (one of my earliest fics was written to call out anime fanservice). To escape with no scars or signs that anything awful happened can feel unrealistic or like cheating in a world where we must bear the consequences of our actions. But is that really what happened?

First off is the Doyalist framework the story has to exist within. This is a video game for a major franchise that, while they are excellent at re-writing and ignoring their own canon, still needs to be available for future stories to be told through it. After all the emphasis botw placed on the 'goddess bloodline', if they were to kill Zelda, or even render her sterile, that puts a huge shadow over any future games they could make. You don't kill Harry in the Order of the Phoenix. The stories of Hyrule are far from over, even if this would be a satisfying end point for the timeline. Heck, there's no guarantee Link's not going to wake up in his underwear in a damp cave a third time, tbh. That's the reality of why Zelda had to return to her old body.

But does that mean that totk is a bad story? Does it render Zelda's sacrifices meaningless? Do these sacrifices only have meaning if she came back visibly changed?

I don't think so. Because the sacrifice was never about her body, it was always about her sense of self. "To become an immortal dragon is to lose ones' self" was the sacrifice that was demanded and that Zelda offered.

Guess what? She did have to leave Link to face Ganondorf without her. Zelda did lose all sense of herself for uncountable years. Zelda's memories, her sense of self, was stripped away from her and scattered across all of Hyrule.

It was only because Link loved her enough to collect the pieces of who Zelda was, only because he was able to understand them through the gift of Rauru's arm, and only because both Sonia and Rauru consigned themselves to living as spirits for as long as Zelda was a dragon, that Zelda's sense of self was returned.

It may feel like cheating, or maybe unearned, that Zelda got her body and sense of self back with no visible changes. But how many times have other people stepped in to help shoulder the consequences of your actions? How many times did your parents step in when you made a mistake, to give you another chance?

You ever leave the fridge open as a kid, and accidentally spoil all your food? In a family where money is tight, Mom and Dad might have to sacrifice eating full meals for a while so that their children can eat. That sacrifice is a form of love. If the neighbor hears about it (thin walls) and brings over some casseroles they took from their food stores, that took a few hours to make, does that diminish the parent's sacrifice for their kids? The consequences of that sacrifice, going hungry, have gone away because someone else stepped in.

The mistake was Rauru and Sonia's, letting Ganondorf in and not being strong enough to stop him. The sacrifice was Zelda's, her mind/memories/self. The intercessors are Rauru, Sonia, and Link, unwilling to let Zelda bear the full weight of her sacrifice.

Yes, we live in a world where we often do not get to walk away from the consequences of our sacrifices/choices unscathed. But we also live in a world where, every once and a while, we do get to walk away with only internal changes. Almost always because other people were willing to sacrifice too. Your parents? your siblings? Your friends? Your god?

Zelda's hylian body is a reflection of the sense of self she regained. Of her agency as a character instead of as a mindless dragon/a living sacred site. Zelda's character arc ends with her accepting the sacrifice demanded of her by reclaiming her responsibility towards the people of her Hyrule, taking up the mantle of power and leadership once again. The fact that other people step in to blunt the weight of that sacrifice does not degrade how Zelda changed to get there or what she went through.

It's actually the conclusion of Rauru, Sonia's, and Link's arcs that they also sacrificed to support Zelda. Her arc pulls all the others to their conclusions. Zelda is the narrative gravity of totk. I can't call that bad writing.

#ask thecagedsong #totk meta #totk spoilers #loz #loz totk #Zelink #light dragon #tears of the kingdom #totk zelink

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boyfridged · 1 year

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maybe starlin was right when he said that it didn't matter if jason pushed garzonas, what mattered was that batman thought he did it. i'm thinking about how with all that happened later on, with all of jason's actions post-res, it truly doesn't matter for anyone anymore and everyone assumes his fault. and the saddest thing is how it diverts the attention from the fact that bruce thinking that jason was doomed to participate in the cycle of abuse and that the only way out of it was through jason embracing his own lifestyle caused that whole tragedy. and sure, bruce also believed jason could proceed to learn from his (perceived) faults and become better, but it's heart-shattering that he thought jason was capable of doing it at all. this is what hurt. imagine someone accusing you of an awful crime and then saying it's okay because they know you are still a good person; this is not the reassurance bruce thought it was. perhaps years later, bruce's assumption seems justified taking into account the principles jason has developed re: killing. but it never was.

#jay.zip #jay.txt #jason todd #core texts #robin days

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azi-sings-calliope · 7 months

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The Sandman female characters - why are they buried?

I'm gonna make a series of my thoughts on the female Sandman characters, both critiques of how they're treated and appreciation posts for them. (These are just my opinions, everyone is entitled to their own) Hope you enjoy!

Also tagging @thesandwomen because I'm also very curious to hear your takes on her.

Part 1: Rose Walker

As a character, she gets an obscene amount of hate. Even her actress was bullied terribly when the show came out (which is a whole other issue).

The thing with Rose Walker is that she's strong, complex, powerful, but not in necessarily always visible ways.

She's making her own way in life, traumatized but loving, ambitious and creative. Her inner dialogue and workings is complex and tragic but not in always... I guess cinematic or traditional ways.

She shows the realistic side of someone, specifically someone growing up through tragedy.

She's endlessly creative but she's cursed as this Vortex which destroys and she can't escape that, unless she dies. While she's going through all this she's dragged for not being more dynamic or charismatic.

I found Rose Walkers character to be awfully realistic, because in my eyes, a way of interpreting her story is that one of a young woman, growing up, promising and creative, has been pushed down by society and other people's actions against her. She's creative, loving, ambitious, searching for her brother and making a life for herself. But then she's pulled down into this Vortex, this series of awful and inexplicable events where things are happening around her, she knows she's causing it, and she can't stop it, and the only way to solve it is to die and leave a life she has fought for so hard.

Strange people are telling her what to do, she doesn't understand it entirely, but she does it to the best of her ability. She pushes back at them (Dream and the Corinthian) at times, because what else can she do?

In the end, she ends up with one of her last living relatives dying in front of her and realizing there was no other way for it to turn out. And she's hated, because throughout these events, she isn't entertaining enough.

I'm not someone best suited to talk on the racism that undoubtedly impacted how the fandom impacted the character, but it's worth noting that racism certainly played a role.

Rose Walker shows the sides of a character, specifically a young, strong woman character that I feel like isn't often marketed.

Some of those who claim "girl power" dislike her because she isn't what they're used to seeing. I'm not claiming that she's revolutionary, I'm saying that she IS that type of character, portrayed perhaps more realistically.

She is powerful but she's not cocky and smiley and she won't punch you in the face. Female characters are only perhaps worth paying attention to if they have any qualities that are surface level beneficial or amusing to the audience.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Rose Walker is disliked because she's realistic, she has no amusing qualities.

Female characters often have stock marketable traits, such as humour, physical strength, or maybe magical. It's almost as if they're being paraded around, but not as a celebration but as a freak show. These are fake empowerment characters, and I feel like a lot of the basis for initial main female characters in big media pieces was written like this.

Rose Walker has marketable traits, but mixed in there are the real thoughts of a young woman, panicked and trapped and loving, and deeply honest. And it's honesty people don't like.

A young woman's struggle isn't fun to watch, it's not funny, there's no action, it's realistic.

I'm not trying to call her the female character of all time, I'm just trying to articulate my thoughts.

Rose Walker can make people uncomfortable. A female character not being pushed into the box of marketable, but real.

I think it's telling that we as a fandom dismissed her because of her lack of marketable qualities, because if you look deeper into the character, there's so much more.

Anyway, I hope this didn't come off as too rant-y, and thanks for reading!

#rose walker #the sandman #the sandman female character #deserve more appreciation #there are definitely places that discuss the characters #but i think overall #they hardly exist in fandom #some great mutuals who have amazing blogs about them tho

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whumpbby · 6 months

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Idk if there's a right way to say this but Jiang Cheng's biggest crime in and out canon is being not that pleasant to be around and i rlly wish people would acknowledge that instead of trying to paint him as The Worst in order to justify their weirdly intense hatred towards him

I'm going to ramble,sorry, that how I put thoughts in order:)

I think that's the perfect way to say it actually. And 100% fact imho. His biggest flaw is that he has no patience with other people's shit and no filter on how little patience he has. He lets people know he's unhappy with them. All his care and dedication is in his actions.

The way he cares about Wei Wuxian and then Jin Ling - even his scolding is an expression of care, always concerned about the way their behaviour can bring harm to them or to their sects. The way he sacrificed his life for Wei Wuxian without a moment's doubt and neve mentioned it. The way he was fighting a war and rebuilding the sect at the same time. The way his sect became absolutely notfuckwithable. The way he kept throwing himself in the way of danger for his loved ones in the Temple.

This is not some villain who only cares about himself - the way he's being painted by the antis.

There was this post somewhere saying that the biggest flaw in a fictional character is being boring - they can be a war criminal, as long as they're not boring.

I think for some people who are looking for pure escapism and feel-good simplicity (and nothing wrong with that, everyone does that) the "boring" gets replaced with "ugly". The depiction of trauma survivors that didn't "go through all that and ended up kinder". That didn't get over the tragedy in their lives to an appropriate standard. That are functional, but not happy. That bring back the bad stuff that happened because it still influences their lives and behaviours and reactions.

They want all the tragic trauma of the past, but without long-lasting consequences that aren't leading directly to cock-healing or fawning.

Like, if you think about it, no one went through the war in that book and came out "better". Absolutely no one. Lan Zhan drowned himself in guilt and directed all his anger towards Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian didn't stop running for even a moment and he became an intensely careless, emotionally dishonest person. Lan Xichen settled into not really doing much, coasting on his sects' position and JGY's help. Nie Mingjue became a bona-fide warlord who basically said "fuck these people, hunt them for sport for all I care". Meng Yao learned that you can stab your problems away. Everyone around them became incredibly trigger-happy for a long while.

And yet JC is the only one singled out as the Evil Walking The Land, because his trauma response isn't pretty and stoic and is specifically, understandably, targeting the Innocent Cinnamon Roll Protagonist and isn't fixed by the end of the book. He could have saved the world, but as long as he's not polite while he's at it then fuck him.

This is, like, primary school level morality were facing here xD

I cannot tell you how surprised I was when entering the world of The Untamed - prepared by Tumblr to see jC as this demon of a man and instead found this guy who, by all accounts, is in the right 99% of the time. Then I read the book and was staggered by the final reveal. And the absolute bullshit I was fed by people that wanted to sour me on the character before I could make my own mind.

Not even gonna get into how these people treat Wen Ning - whose whole existence is a horrific chain of horrific events ending in his absolutely awful existence of an actual slave... But he's such a cute puppy, eh?

Tldr: people who keep making excuses for hating JC do it to somehow justify the fact they can only accept Trauma Light in their fiction.

#mdzs #canon jiang cheng #jiang cheng

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conundrumsofphilosophy · 6 months

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obviously i don't have any requests yet so i asked a friend for a random scenario to write headcanons about and i was told merc movie night. so :)

scout

- throws a fit about whatever he wants to watch being chosen but it never gets picked because he has terrible taste

- literally guzzles his entire drink within the first five minutes of the movie and then refuses to get up to pee unless the movie is paused

- his attention span is awful so he stops paying attention for half the movie and then bugs someone (probably spy.) to recap him on what happened

- "who's that" "what's his name" "why is he doing that" "wait where are they" "how does it end"

soldier

- attention span is worse than scout's. ends up trying to talk through the entire thing, gets shushed violently

- if the movie really bores him he falls asleep like someone's dad and snores in a way that is so devilish. gets throw pillows pressed over his face

- if he manages to get sucked into whatever they're watching he will randomly bring up things from it weeks later and nobody realizes what he's talking about and he doesn't have the capacity to explain

- gets so comfy cozy on the couch but then tosses and turns the whole time because his comfy cozy never lasts

pyro

- straight up does not care what they watch, just happy they're hanging out

- gets super into the movie and reacts verbally and physically to what's happening on screen

- asks engineer questions if he gets confused about what happened. he rarely gets confused though because he pays such close attention

- loves slapstick comedy flicks

engineer

- falls asleep no matter how much he's interested in what they watch. head thrown back, throat gurgling, demonic snoring emanating from this man. elbowed awake by pyro and scout but it never lasts he goes right back to sleep

- will fuck up some popcorn

- hates when spy's movie gets picked because it's always some foreign arthouse film he does not care to understand. he likes things that make sense and have a good plot

- doesn't bother for a recap on whatever he missed while he was asleep. he goes into movie nights knowing he'll fall asleep so he doesn't get upset about missing anything

demoman

- similarly to engineer, he will FUCK UP some popcorn. he is absolutely destroying that shit and every other snack that's provided. he needs to constantly be doing something with his hands and can't sit still for an entire movie so he just shovels popcorn down his throat

- spends half the movie squinting at the tv because he is so confused. it could be spelled out on screen and he still doesn't know what's going on

- gets up to pee one thousand times and trips over someone every single time

- his movie picks are always great

heavy

- reacts so strongly to high emotion moments in movies. laughs like a maniac at comedies, cries at tragedies. he isn't afraid to show emotion!

- anytime he isn't reacting though he looks so pissed off. arms crossed, back straight, staring dead at the screen

- only one to have never fallen asleep during a movie night. everyone else has AT LEAST once

- will never turn down a little blankie action. toss a nice blanket over his legs he's a happy man

medic

- does not really enjoy movie nights. he enjoys spending some time with the others but it gets to a point where he really wants to be alone and he doesn't know how to politely escape the situation

- cannot handle the sound of snoring so if engineer or soldier are out he is pressing his ear against heavy's shoulder and his own hand over his other ear. he'll guess what the actors are saying

- appreciates spy's movie choices (is the only one that does)

- sits really uncomfortably for the whole movie and has to pace around stretching out when it's over

sniper

- loves a good movie. he really really just enjoys watching a movie he's a simple man. won't complain about whatever gets picked, will just kick his legs up and relax and enjoy it

- expert at rationing his snack and beverage to last the whole time. will not share

- looks like he's asleep but is not he's just very very still and relaxed

- sometimes sits in the floor leaned against the couch rather than on it or on a chair. it's easier for him to get his legs stretched all the way out that way + he tends to give the furniture up for the folks that are going to end up asleep

spy

- as previously mentioned, he always chooses the snobbiest foreignest arthouse films that are no fun to watch and he truthfully doesn't even like that much himself. it's all a facade

- how many cigarettes he goes through during a movie is an indicator of how much he enjoyed it. the more smoked the worse he thought the movie was

- gets really embarrassed if he laughs at something stupid but even spy is not immune to slapstick comedy. he tries to cover it up with a cough but nobody falls for that

- sometimes scout falls asleep on his shoulder and it makes him so mad (he doesn't mind it)

yay first post! to anyone who may see this, consider shooting me a request :3

#tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #doe's drabbles (headcanons)

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proudfreakmetarusonniku · 3 months

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sorry before I go to bed I’m thinking bout the different ways Evangelion portrays csa.

asuka's (metaphorical) rape is done by a stranger. someone she doesn’t know. a literal monster. as someone who’s always prided herself on being able to fight, being able to always win, this shatters asuka, who feels such a thing makes her weak. she responds to her trauma by regressing, playing video games at her friends house and speaking to her like a young child, before shutting down entirely to the point of attempted suicide. she’s later sexually abused by shinji, taking his own trauma out on her, and while we don’t see as much of how that effects her, we see the tragedy of the cycles of abuse play out.

shinji's sexual abuse is done by a friend. he doesn’t realise it’s wrong, and misato thinks she’s helping, because he’s a boy and boys like that right? but misato not realising the harm of her actions do not make her any less harmful. there’s a lot of complicated feelings and emotions there, and it very much deals heavily with the complexities of abuse- not all abusers realise what they’re doing. not all abusers even have sexual intent (misato absolutely doesn’t see shinji in a romantic light at all, she's not attracted to him). not all victims hate their abusers, and not all victims fully realise how inappropriate their abusers actions are. yet, the abuse still has impacts- as seen with shinji's complete lack of sexual boundaries, to the point of assaulting asuka for a desperate sense of control. he recognises that it’s awful- it’s something familiar to him to a degree- but as a severely traumatised child, he lashes out and inflicts his own pain on others. which is not acceptable, obviously, but it’s tragic, and shows how abuse makes people worse.

and as for rei, she's abused by her own father. the signs are there, but they don't entirely click at first, and neither do they click to the adults who should be looking out for her. the sexual abuse she faces is overlooked even when it’s right under everyone’s noses. and when someone does put the dots together, they blame her for it. rei's abuse, like a lot of familial abuse, is either ignored or something she’s considered at fault for, despite being sheltered and groomed all her life, and, y’know, fourteen. rei's arc also focuses heavily on her conflicted feelings about her abuser, but in a different way to shinji. she, at first, idolises gendo. she's been groomed her whole life, and is incredibly isolated. what happens is normal to her, she doesn’t see it as wrong because she’s never been told it’s wrong. the idea of not having faith in gendo is alien to her. but as time goes on, she realises what happens isn’t special, it isn’t okay. by the time she dies and another version of her takes her place (the rei's share a soul, so they’re the same person even if rei iii can’t remember everything) she’s quietly furious at the idea of being a doll, and realises she can be more. when her abuser touches her, she literally tears off his hand. and she attains agency! that’s the final part of her storyline. she has agency, for the first time in her life. and she might have chose to listen to shinji on what to do, but she chose for the first time, it’s a massive step and honestly it really struck me as a beautiful ending to her character arc.

idk man. i just like how this mecha anime interrogates a sensitive subject from multiple angles and has genuinely suprisingly good depictions of even abuse that’s not recognised as abuse by most still. it’s nice! it’s refreshing. honestly, they committed to exploring abuse and never trying to apologise for it, and it’s fucking great. i'm personally not a csa victim, but i did go through sexual trauma at around the same ages of these characters, and i found myself relating a lot to their arcs around this due to that even if our experiences are pretty different. i felt aspects of how i dealt with things, especially in rei and shinji but to a degree asuka as well, and it made me feel more confident in myself. if shinji ikari can choose to live, so can I :)

#neon genesis evangelion #evangelion analysis #asuka Langley soryu #shinji ikari #rei ayanami #csa tw #rape tw #grooming tw #abuse tw #suicide tw #cocsa tw

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darthpastry · 3 months

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Welcome to part two of my official Henry-hate crusade. Time to cover the true ending of Pizzeria Sim! For this one, I want to take one of the fandoms favorite moments, the connection terminated speech, and shred it to piece while explaining why Henry isn't really a hero in this instance. So! Let's go over certain lines. Maybe compliment some of my favorite ones so this isn't just hating and recognizing he isn't the absolute worst.

"And to you, my brave volunteer."

Idk about you, but it doesn't exactly seem to me like Michael knew what he was volunteering for.

"Who somehow found this job listing not intended for you."

If it was anyone else, they probably would've died. The only other person by this point who was known to be able to survive the animatronics was Jeremy and I doubt that even if he was still around, he would be able to fend them off due to brain injury. Also, not so much a complaint, but did Henry have someone else in mind or just threw the job listing into the void?

"Although, there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be."

Why not ask. Or at least tell him what the way out is instead of just assuming he hasn't found anything to live for and effectively murdering him?

"I am remaining as well. I am nearby."

Yep. Just make sure everyone who knows what's going on dies even though it's not like William hasn't escaped a fire before. Very responsible of you.

"This place will not be remembered. And the memory of everything that started this. Can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should."

I'm a firm believer in when history is forgotten it repeats itself, so quite frankly wanting people to forget seems a bit stupid. I agree that they shouldn't be trapped in the agony of it, but "this place will not be remembered" seems wrong.

"Although, for one of you. The darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole. So, don't keep the Devil waiting, old friend."

I can complain about Henry all day, but William is objectively far worse, and this line is absolute fire. Pun intended.

"My daughter, if you can hear me. I knew you would return as well."

Might be due to that animatronic you made to capture her and deliver constant controlled shocks and also somehow ended up in a magazine? Idk though. Just a theory.

"I'm sorry that on that day. The day you were shut out and left to die. No one was there to lift you up in their arms. The way you lifted others into yours."

But why. I get that being a parent can be hard and you can't have an eye on your kid 24/7, but he should've at least made there was a responsible adult present.

"Not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now."

Yippee. Negligent dad who can only making up for leaving his child without a responsible adult which led to her early death by using Lefty so that she can finally move on. Yayyyy /extreme sarcasm ofc

“Congratulations on completing your work week. We apologize if your situation wasn't presented to you In a completely honest fashion when you first started, but it was important that your intentions and actions be genuine.”

I cannot emphasize enough that Michael was not told what was going to happen and given the last sentence it seems like he didn't even feel the need to be suspicious of what was going on.

“Please accept this Certificate of Completion. Goodbye for now, and thank you for taking this journey with us.”

More of theorizing but it's kind of weird that this whole monologue was recorded and delivered if Michael is supposed to be actually dead. I know it's for the player, but I feel like they could easily spin this and bring Michael back.

Tune in next time where I cover the other endings, possibly rant about how everything in FNaF is awful for everyone, and miscellaneous if there's any!

@uvanuva

#i do get why he felt the whole thing necessary but he quite frankly did not go about it very well #henry emily hatepost #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #michael afton #william afton #henry emily #charlie emily #lefty #fnaf lefty #fnaf pizzeria simulator #fnaf 6 #connection terminated #pizzeria simulator #fnaf 6 pizza simulator #ffps

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jamiesfootball · 5 months

Note

Do you think Ted knows he's complicit in aiding in Jamie's abuse? What about Rebecca?

Ngl I don’t even think Ted realized it is that bad. As far as Jamie goes, he has a huge blind spot in regards to this topic. This could be for a multitude of reasons: the generation he was born into. The fact that he himself used to play sports and may have internalized the idea that ‘sports dads can be like that’ without ever looking deeper. The fact that his own childhood contained a different sort of trauma, watching his own father struggle with mental illness. Then his trauma with how he lost his father. In a way, Ted follows the opposite of Occam’s Razor- when he looks at Jamie’s relationship with his dad, he sees complexity, he sees zebras.

He doesn’t see the simple facts, the hoof of the matter: that this is a mean person who hurts his kid with the intent to do so.

So before Ted has any realization about how his actions might have exacerbated the situation between Jamie and his dad, Ted would first have to come to terms with how he failed to recognize how bad it was in the first place.

I’d also throw in here that part of the tragedy of all this is how there’s no one character who actually has the full Jamie Tartt backstory cheatsheet- it’s spread out amongst Ted, Roy, Keeley, Jamie’s mum. And Jamie’s not good at asking for help, let alone accepting help.

I do think that of the immediate people in his life, the ones who have the clearest idea of Jamie’s abuse are Roy ‘he’s a living piece of shit’ Kent and Willis ‘alright that’s enough / *head smash* / I’m gonna take a walk’ Beard. They might not have the full story, but something about the way they react has a ‘well that’s all that I need to see’ vibe to it.

(In a darker speculative turn, I do wonder if maybe Beard has mentioned some of his own experiences to Ted. If knowing about Beard’s own experiences with (what I imagine) was also an abusive upbringing may have given Ted the wrong impression about What Abuse Looks Like and how people react to it, and if that plays into his impression of Jamie’s dad maybe not being that bad if Jamie himself appears confident and well-adjusted. A sort of unconscious bias if you will, the kind of paper-thin reasoning that doesn’t hold water when examined but if Ted’s never had reason to examine it…)

Oh. You also asked about Rebecca. Honestly, unless Keeley is talking about him, they’re talking about him in terms of the club, or he is literally standing in front of her, I don’t think Rebecca thinks of him much at all. Not cruelly. It’s just- she mainly knows him as a player and through Keeley. She’s picked up a bit about him, she cares for him the same way she cares for all her players, maybe a little more because of Keeley, but he’s not really a part of her life, nor is she a part of his.

She’s does wonder sometimes, what might’ve happened if she’d never sent him back to Manchester, but that’s from the perspective of the club. I don’t think she knows what that cost him. I think she’d feel awful if she did know.

That’s the other tragedy of Jamie’s story- for any of this to get resolved, someone would have to talk about it. And no one’s talking.

#did not mean for this to get long #thank you for the ask!#ask box is always open #this is also why I LOVE fics that delve in deeper on this topic #there was just so much left unexplored #jamie tartt #ted lasso #rebecca welton #coach beard #roy kent #abuse mention

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completeoveranalysis · 6 months

Note

Of Yūko's customers, which ones you find most memorable?

Most memorable customers, you say?

I hope you don't mind me using this as an excuse to make an arbitrary list by way of answer. (Arbitrary lists, my beloved...)

Yuuko's Customers In Order Of How Well I Remember Them

(Though I will exclude all the bigger characters for fairness. So, Syaoran, Watanuki, Lava Lamp, Fai, Kurogane, Doumeki, Himawari, Seishirou, Ashura, Tomoyo, etc, etc. Regular xxxHolic customers only!)

10. Birdcage Customer

What was this about? Was he even a customer? We just don't know!

But the thing most memorable about this whole situation is the most pressing question: WHY DO YOU HAVE EVIL WOLVERINE'S SYMBOL ALL OVER YOUR HOME? It's even on his front sign!

WHO ARE YOU?????

9. The Liar

Mostly at the bottom because I can't resist the irony. She's the first big customer we see - but what do we really know about her? Absolutely nothing, because she lied every step of the way!

What can we really remember about someone who never actually told us anything about herself?

Though I guess you could say her ending causes quite an impact.

8. Monkey's Paw Customer

Did I forget this had happened? Perhaps!

She's one of those cases where the cause and effect are so clear that the rest of the cast might as well not even be there - and I think most of her story IS told through scenes entirely from her perspective.

I think the most memorable thing about her is the Sheer Audacity of hunting down a monkey's paw and being convinced that, actually, she already knows what it does so it can't possibly go wrong. Love that for her. Would kill for this confidence.

(Not literally - but she kind of did that also)

7. Ame Warashi

Her impeccable style. Her winning charm. She's an icon.

I had just completely forgotten that she was also a customer at one point.

She makes up for it for being absolutely great in every scene she was in, but what are you going to do in a list based purely on how well I remember the customer part? Woops! My bad!

6. Karasu Tengu

They get huge points for this being a Central Event in the narrative, but also I completely forgot they were in this as customers. The entire plot scenario? Incredible! Character defining! Et cetera!

The actual Karasu Tengu themselves? Woops! I forgot they were there. My fault though!

5. The Computer Addict

I love this one. She's so ahead of the curve that she was addicted to the internet back when you had to be on the pc to use it. Honestly, relatable. I also went through a phase like this as a young teen, so the struggle was real.

Little did we all know that in the present day the accessibility of the internet would be so rampant that she literally wouldn't even need that pc to indulge her habits anymore. Oops!

But that aside Yuuko is peak during this arc and I love everything about it. Especially the fact that Yuuko just hangs out on message boards in her free time? Wonderful information. I can do so much with this.

4. Oops! All Ghosts

Another incredible storyline. The twists are preserved by some sneaky panels from Watanuki's perspective and Yuuko's morally grey approach to the whole situation is wonderful. What if you wanted to get rid of the ghost in your home, only to find out that YOU were the ghost all along? It has the DISTRESS. It has the CONFLICT. It has the TRAGEDY. 10/10

3. Haunted Photo

Another customer with Peak Audacity. Trying to wish away the consequences of your own actions? Committing something awful but being unable to actually look at the proof yourself? The ultimate wish being an anxiety inducing curse that is sure to fail? Love it.

It's also one of those juicy situations where the morality of the situation basically drives itself. The customer causes her own problems and can't actually be saved - and doesn't deserve it either.

And honestly I think CLAMP should get a lot of credit for having the haunting effects of a photograph slowly turning around in a purely static medium. They really pulled that off.

I still love the evil smile in the photograph the last time we see it. PURE memorable.

2. The Twin

WE LOVE HER? WE LOVE HER.

Being consistently cut off and run down and overwritten and slowly clawing your way out of the situation through the sheer desire to be your own person?

And then the answer is a haircut?

It's another glimpse into the side of Yuuko that really does try cut people a good bargain. The wish could have been taken in any number of ways, but Yuuko went for the easiest and most affordable way that would genuinely help the customer actually fix her life on her own. She didn't specifically need supernatural help for this, but it was the route that presented itself, and it was the one that got her the help she needed when she needed it. Very hitsuzen, very relatable, very identifiable storyline that sticks with you.

Just like the final entry!

1. Kohane

Listen do I even need to explain this one.

Kohane is like THE storyline. It's THE example of what it's all about. It's not entirely supernatural in nature but completely heart wrenching. It has Watanuki playing a central role in fixing the problem, setting up for his future (or at least, what I assume it will be). It ties xxxHolic to Tsubasa and hints at a secret tool that will help with someone later.

And it has Kohane! You can't go wrong.

#I'm not counting the ghost who tries to kill Watanuki #because she was lonely #Or uh... all the other ghosts that try to kill Watanuki #Didn't buy anything! Not customers!#replies #traditionalartist #not liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #xxxholic #Oh am I doing a ranking list for no reason?#YES ABSOLUTELY #Listen I love it #I'll rank anything for any reason #But also #The thematic links between all the longer Customer arcs?#The overlaps between the computer addict the twin and kohane?#The line between the haunted photo and kohane's mother?#Wonderful #I love how they play with themes all the way through #But in different flavours and in different stages

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anonymouslywriting22 · 2 years

Text

The Light After Darkness - Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Natasha look forward to finally being able to start a family but tragedy strikes and puts their relationship through strain.

Warnings: TW miscarriage, blood, very slight smut, angst

Natasha hurriedly unwrapped the box you had wrapped for an early birthday present. She quickly opened the box and furrowed her eyebrows as she saw a set of baby shoes on top of confetti. Natasha looked up at you with a soft smile, "I don't get it?"

As she trails off you smile widely at her and nod your head, "just keep digging through. You'll understand more."

She nods her head and starts to feel through the confetti. As she moves her hands through, Nat feels something and immediately grasps it to pull it out. A smile appears on her face with a sparkle in her eyes as she realizes it's a baby onesie with the the image of a little spider on it. She quickly shoots her gaze towards you, "please tell me this isn't a joke baby."

Your smile just becomes more wide, "just keep going, there's one more thing in there for you."

She nods and hurriedly rummaged through the confetti again. As she feels a hard object around her fingers she quickly grasps it and becomes wide eyed as she sees it. The sight was amazing and if you had your phone, you would've taken a picture of her face right now.

Her eyes begin to tear as she examined the pregnancy test, reading the results over and over to ensure this is real. You quickly go to sit by her and place your hand on her free hand to remind her this is real. You softly say, "we're going to have a baby my love," while placing her hand over your stomach.

She quickly looks at you and sniffles, a smile across her face. She quickly wraps you into a hug and repeatedly whispers thank you's and how much she loves you. She pulls away to send a slow passionate kiss to your lips before placing a gentle kiss to your stomach.

"We," she starts while guiding you to sit on her lap, "are going to be the best parents my love. You're going to be the best mom ever. Thank you for giving me this."

You wrapped your arms around Natasha necks and brought her closer to you so that your forehead was resting on hers, "our child is going to be so lucky to have you as their mama."

She hummed and placed a kiss to your lips, "I love you baby."

You briefly pulled away and mumbled, "I love you too."

—7 months later—

You stirred awake as a sharp pain ran through your body causing you to groan. You tried to ignore it as it lessened but another sharp pain ran through your body again. You moved to lay on your back, confusion running through you as you felt something wet around your lower area.

You switched on the lamp on your nightstand and placed your hand under to feel what it was. You gasped as you brought it back up and saw red on your finger tips, panic ran through your body as awful thoughts entered your mind.

"Natasha," you exclaimed. It wasn't unusual for her to be downstairs finishing up paperwork while you slept. She had taken a lot of time off from work to help you so she would use these awful hours to catch up.

A couple seconds later she bolted through the door with a worried expression, "what's wrong my love?"

You quickly showed her your hand and finally uncovered yourself causing the both of you to gasp at the sight, blood covered the sheets. "I don't know what's happening Tasha," you quickly said wincing as more pain ran through your body.

Natasha immediately jumped into action and grabbed you in her arms gently, carrying you to the car bridal style. As she raced through the empty streets to the hospital, she made sure to always be checking on you and reassure everything was going to be okay.

As she pulled up to the emergency room, Natasha quickly got out of the drivers seat and went to your side to carefully get you out and carry you in. She approached the desk, "please I need help, my wife is bleeding." You laid your head against Nat's chest while holding onto your stomach, occasionally groaning and wincing from pains.

A nurse and doctor quickly approached her with a wheelchair. The doctor quickly spoke up as the nurse helped Natasha place you in the wheelchair, "what seems to be the problem Mrs. Romanoff." Nat was taken back a bit how the doctor immediately recognized her, hopes that the recognition would help you get the best treatment.

"My wife is 7 months pregnant. I was in the kitchen finishing up some paperwork," Natasha said while quickly walking through the halls with the doctor and nurse, "until I heard her scream out for me. I quickly ran to the room and saw that she was bleeding and in really bad pain around her lower area."

The doctor nodded while scribbling in your chart. As the doctor and nurse got to an exam room, Natasha quickly tried to enter but was held back by the nurse, "I'm sorry Mrs. Romanoff but we can't let you in. You will need to wait in the waiting area and we will give you updates."

Natasha reluctantly agrees, she can't take up the time of someone who could be helping you and her child. She slumps herself in a chair while nervously bouncing her leg and quickly dialing Clint to inform him of what's going on.

A couple minutes later Clint arrives and sits next to Natasha as they wait for news on how you are.

—1 hour later—

Natasha feels her world stop as the doctor explains what happened. Clint quickly catches her as she stumbles, his talking is muffled by the words of the doctor replaying through her head.

"We couldn't save them both," tears started to weld in her eyes, "the baby had undergone too much damage from the blood loss. We were not able to resuscitate her," her. Our baby was a girl. A beautiful daughter. "I'm so sorry for your loss Mrs. Romanoff. Your wife is in room 301, she isn't awake yet but she's stable so you can go see her whenever you're ready."

Clint guided her to sit in the chair, wearily watching her, "I'm so sorry Nat." Those words broke something inside of her causing everything to shatter, the tears streamed down her face as she clung onto her best friend sobbing in his arms. "I was going to have a daughter," she muffled between sobs, "we were going to have a beautiful baby girl."

Clint's heart broke at the sight of his best friend. He held her tightly in his arms, reassuring her the best he could with this situation. As Natasha started to grab her composure he pulled away and gripped her shoulders, "Y/N is going to need you right now. You both are going to need to be strong for each other. How about we go to her room?"

Natasha wiped her tears and nods her head, eager to see your face, eager to know you're okay. She quickly walks down the halls to your room, when she enters she lets out a sigh of relief as she sees you're still sleeping. Clint enters quietly. After a few minutes he dismisses himself to let Natasha be alone with you.

Nat sits in the chair by your bed and holds onto your hand. She lays her head on the bed and whispers, "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect her. I'm so sorry." Tears start to form in her eyes again, she kisses your hand softly and slowly drifts to sleep.

Natasha isn't sure how long she slept but none of that matters when she starts to hear you stir awake. "Nat," you call out weakly, quickly moving your hand to your stomach. You grew confused as it felt different, still affected from sleep you couldn't wrap your head around it.

Natasha quickly sat up and hugged you carefully, "I'm here Y/N/N, I'm here."

You turn to her, confused as to why she looks like she's been crying. You carefully examine her and realize that look in her eye, the same look she had after that mission that your brother, Pietro died. Tears start to fill your eyes as you realize what the feeling was. You whisper, "is the baby okay Natty?"

You already know the answer but you're clinging onto hope that you're wrong. She takes a deep breath and pressed a kiss to your temple, she slightly shakes her head, "the doctors said there was just too much damage with the blood loss. They couldn't resuscitate her."

Natasha clenched her jaw as she tried to keep her composure, trying to be strong for you knowing how hard this would affect you. Her words run through your head and you feel your heart shatter. Tears make their way down your face as you cling onto Natasha. "I'm so sorry baby," she whispers while holding you and rubbing soothing circles trying her best to comfort you.

"Her," you question weakly against Nat's shoulder. She slowly pulls away and nods, "we were going to have a beautiful baby girl." Everything in you breaks even more as guilt starts to feel your body. You cling even tighter onto Natasha as you repeatedly apologize to her, feeling like you failed as a wife and as a mother for not being able to fully carry your baby.

—3 Months Later—

You lazily laid in bed most of the days, not having enough energy or the will to get out of bed anymore. Natasha would always try to force you up but it would just lead to a fight. You quietly groaned as you felt the bed beside you dip, not having the energy to argue or even talk with the person next to you.

Natasha slowly climbed into the space next to you and slightly shifted towards you. She missed you, she missed the way you would talk to her about anything and everything all the time, now conversations between you two were short or just arguments, she missed the way your skin would feel under her touch, she missed the way she could smell your scent as she nuzzled her face in your neck, she missed your smile and laughter, it was rare for you to laugh now, she missed her wife.

"Baby," Natasha whispered softly, "can we please talk." You kept your position, laying on your side not giving a response to Natasha. After a while of silence Nat slowly shifted towards you more and carefully placed a hand on top of your waist. A smile ghosted her lips when you didn't push her away this time, a couple moments later she wrapped her arm over your waist, causing her to touch your stomach. It was completely innocent, she just wanted to bring you into her in hopes of having you close to her again.

The touch brought you out of your head and you abruptly pushed her arm away and got out of bed. You scoffed with your back towards her, "I don't appreciate you doing that." Natasha sighed and sat up, she didn't understand why you were being so cold with her. Well, she did understand but she couldn't understand why you didn't want to be close to her anymore. She lost just as much as you did.

She took a deep breath and straightened her posture, "I'm your wife Y/N. I should be able to touch you without you getting mad."

You spun to face her with a glare on your face. You crossed your arms, "so what? Just because I'm your wife I should give my body to you?" Natasha immediately shook her head and stood up from the bed to properly face you from her side. She ran a hand through her hair, "that's not what I mean. You know that's not what I meant, I just-"

"No," you exclaimed, all you anger finally just leaving your body. Anger you've kept inside that you couldn't keep your daughter with you, anger that you felt like you failed Nat, anger at everything. You threw you hands up, "maybe I should just lay there on the bed while you do your business? Maybe then I'll be a good wife. Here," you say throwing yourself on the bed, "have your way since I don't let you touch me."

Natasha sighed and placed her hands on her hips. She didn't respond right away deciding to study you, the way your chest rose and fell quickly, your hands balled in fists to your sides, the way your eyes no longer held the light they used to always have, the way you looked completely and utterly broken. She started to fear that she had lost you forever, that she let you lose yourself so much in grieving instead of doing more to help you.

She chose her words carefully and grabbed a pillow, "I'll sleep in the guest room until you're comfortable with me again." She stayed a couple seconds, giving you time to ask her to stay but you didn't. You stayed quiet while staring at the ceiling, so she made her way out the room.

—3 months later—

You fiddled with your wedding ring while your hands rested on your lap, not daring to look up to face your therapist. You could feel her stare on you, the one she would always give when these sessions barely started.

"So," she began while fiddling with her pen, "how was this week?"

You sighed and finally got the courage to face your therapist. You stopped fiddling with the ring and rubbed your hands on your thighs in an attempt to calm yourself, "it was better than other weeks."

She hummed in acknowledgment, "I can see you're wearing your ring again."

You let a small smile creep on your face as you looked at the elegant diamond on your finger. The best of memories you used to share with your wife flooding your brain. "I am," you simply stated.

Your therapist scribbled some things in her notebook. "Is Natasha still sleeping in the guest bedroom," she questioned while crossing her leg over the other.

You stomach turned at her words. Deep down, you wanted her to hold you like she used to but couldn't find the courage to let her. You didn't feel like you deserved it. You ran a hand through your hair, "yes."

"Y/N," she started, "did you do your homework?"

"No," you simply stated.

She sighed and placed her notebook on the table next to her. You placed your stare back to the ground, it was easier to just not face people anymore. "Do you remember what your homework was?"

You sighed and started to pick at your cracked nail polish, "talk to Natasha about coming back to our bedroom."

"Now," she said while leaning forward in her chair trying to catch your eye, "why didn't you do it?"

Your throat started to form a lump, all of a sudden talking became the hardest thing to do. You cleared your throat, "I just didn't get around to talking to her."

You never did anymore. You even managed to plan your day in a way that you hardly interacted with her anymore. It was easier this way, easier to ignore the disappointment you had of failing Natasha.

"Listen Y/N," your therapist began, "I just don't understand what happened. Last session we hit a real breakthrough. You, yourself said that you were ready to finally take her in again and I could tell it was genuine. You were ready so what happened?"

Tears pricked at your eyes but you refused to let them down. You quickly wiped your eyes and faced her, "we went to visit one of her close friends."

Your therapist hummed in response giving you time to gather your thoughts to explain. You cleared your throat, "Clint and his wife, Laura, they have a son and were expecting a second child. It was normal to go with them, it's not like this was the first time we go to visit them since the incident but this time just broke something in me."

She grabbed a glass of water and took a quick sip, "why?"

You snorted a short giggle, "they had said that they had a surprise for us so we quickly made plans for that day. When we arrived, turns out she had already popped the baby out, a girl to be more specific." You took a deep breath as tears started to flow, "Natasha looked so happy and ecstatic when she held her and it just made me jealous. Jealous that they were able to have another kid and I couldn't even have one. Jealous that my wife looked that happy carrying another baby, she should've had that excitement with our baby."

Your therapist went to say something until you kindly held your hand up signaling you had more, "and then they asked me if I wanted to hold her and I didn't want to be rude so I did but while I was Clint decided it was best to ask us another question. He asked Natasha and I to be the godparents and Nat quickly obliged but I just couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much and I just gave the baby to Nat and waited in the car. She had tried to get me to talk about it but I just couldn't."

"You're still angry," she said while grabbing her notebook and scribbling some more, "it's okay to be angry. You went through something so unimaginable."

You sniffled trying to grab your composure and whispered, "I know."

"But so did Natasha," she said causing you to snap your gaze to your therapist. "She also lost her, she also lost a daughter. I've seen the doctors files, the incident had nothing to do with your body. It wasn't your fault."

You shook your head and scoffed, "if I were stronger or did something more maybe she-"

"It wasn't your fault," she repeated, "you need to realize that because quite frankly I've seen this happen before and often times it ends in the other person leaving. I can't sweeten it up anymore, Natasha might get tired of waiting one day and I don't want that for you two."

"It wasn't my fault," you said, something in you finally clicking in place. You looked at your wedding ring and smiled, "it wasn't my fault."

—

You entered the front door to your house, a new feeling erupting your chest. You quickly ran to the guest bedroom, ready to start fixing everything. When you approached her door you knocked quickly, doing everything to get her to open the door faster. When she opened it she looked a bit concerned, "is everything okay Y/N/N?"

You just smiled at her and wrapped your arms around her neck to bring her into you causing her to wrap her arms around your waist. She raised and eyebrow at you, "what's going on? Not that I don't like this but-"

You cut her off by capturing her lips in yours giving her a passionate kiss, spilling everything from these past months into it to show her you still wanted her, you still needed her. You pulled away reluctantly when breathing became an issue, you laid your forehead against hers while still having your eyes closed trying to take in this moment. She leaned in again to give you a soft kiss to your nose bringing you back to reality. You opened your eyes to see her staring right back at you with so much love, love that never seemed to fade even through these past months.

"I want you to come back to our room, please," you whispered. She smiled widely and nodded, "okay." You played with the baby hairs on the back of her neck, trying to take her in, trying to memorize everything that you had missed. You placed your head on her shoulder, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for shutting you out and not even acknowledging your hurt and grieving. I'm so sorry," you started to repeatedly say while tears started to form in your eyes. She softly grabbed your face and brought it to face her, she used her thumbs to wipe your tears away with so much care it made you cry even more, this woman was too good for the world.

She placed a kiss on your temple and said, "it's okay. It's okay, I should've tried harder to help you but I just didn't know how. I'm just happy you're with me again."

You placed a kiss on her lips again and yawned when you pulled away causing her to chuckle, god did you miss that sound. She picked you up bridal style and walked to the master bedroom. She carefully placed you on the bed and went to her side. You felt the bed dip beside you and this time you welcomed it, cherished it. She hesitatingly scooted towards you and placed her arm on your hip. You smiled at the feeling of her touch but craved more, you interlaced your fingers with hers and brought her arm to wrap around your stomach causing her to pull you closer against her front.

She snuggled into you, taking in your scent and warmth. You turned slightly to face her and whispered, "I love you Natasha. I love you so much." She used her free arm to prop her up to face you, "I adore you my love. I love you too." She sent a kiss to your lips once more and when she pulled away you turned again to lay on your side and snuggled into her touch letting sleep consume you.

Natasha and you would talk in the morning but right now, nothing could be more perfect than this.

-2 months later-

Natasha slumped on the bed while still in her clothes. She was wearing formal pants and a red button down with a black tie that was slightly wrinkled now from the night. She lazily swiped through her phone while waiting for you to finish washing up in the restroom.

She heard the door click and glanced up from her phone quickly before taking a double take to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. As she placed her phone on the nightstand she sat up to sit on the front edge of the bed taking you in.

You were standing in the doorway of the restroom with a smirk on your face, the red lingerie you're wearing making your confidence go up. You bit your bottom lip and slowly walked towards her. You straddled her waist and leaned in to give her a passionate loving kiss. When you pulled back she said, "is this?"

"I'm ready," you whispered while placing soft kisses on her jaw and neck, "I'm ready to start trying again." You cupped her face in your hands while looking into her green eyes, "are you?"

This time, it was her turn to look into your eyes, searching for any signs that you didn't want really want this, that you weren't truly ready but there was nothing but love and want. She slowly nodded and smiled, "I'm ready baby."

You smiled and passionately kissed her while starting to undo her belt. Natasha carefully grabbed you and placed you on your back, she took a second to stare into your eyes again causing you to chuckle, "what is it?"

She rand her hand up the side of your stomach causing you to shiver, "you're beautiful Y/N." She leaned down to start placing kisses on your collarbone, "you're so beautiful."

It was passionate and slow, you put everything into the kisses you would give her to let her know how much you loved her while she put everything in her deep long strokes, focusing on making sure you knew how much she needed you. She made sure to hold your hand as you came undone around her causing her to follow and finish inside you.

For the first time since the tragedy the two of you made love to each other.

-7 years later-

Natasha opened the door to the car and offered her hand for you to take. You walked hand in hand with her while crossing the street to enter the doors to the gym. While the two of you walked through the hallway, she placed a quick kiss to your cheek.

As you approached the table to pay to enter, Natasha let go of her hand to buy them. "for two please," she said while addressing the lady on the other end. Natasha payed the woman the money and motioned for you to give her your hand so the woman could stamp it. "Thank you," you said while starting to walk away. "No problems and congrats," the woman said motioning towards your stomach. Nat placed a hand on the small of your back to help lead you to the court.

You nodded in thanks and went to find a seat to watch your daughter's basketball game. As the two of your sat down, you searched for your daughter out on the court. The game had just started, thankfully Natasha and you didn't miss that much. As you look at the girls on the court you finally see your daughter, Hope, playing defense on another girl.

"Hope's in, I hope they win," you say to Natasha while pointing at her. Nat smiles and places her hand on your knee, "they have Hope, of course they're going to win." You laugh while watching the game play out. Hope quickly snatches the ball from a girl on the opposite team and starts quickly dribbling down the court and scored a layup. Natasha stands up and cheers for her causing you to laugh and smile wide at the image in front of you.

It's everything you've ever wanted. Your wife, your daughter, and a son on the way, nothing could compare to this.

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