#to understand someone not theoretically but practically | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pistatsia · 5 months

Text

Shidou Ryusei: as free as a bird

Shidou is uncomfortable, imperfect. He's vulgar, he's gross, he's blatantly cruel, and he's incapable of compromise. He's hyper-excitable, constantly ready to fight and even looking forward to that brawl. He switches between moods like a kaleidoscope, and what falls out in that kaleidoscope is unpredictable.

Shidou has absolutely no understanding of morality.

This is especially evident in his encounter with Kunigami.

He has absolutely no understanding of the concept of protecting someone simply for no gain. Trying to protect someone heroically, purely because of an understanding that it's wrong, is ridiculous to Shidou. Shidou has only "his" and "others", and that "his" so far includes only Sae, as shown in the episode where he tries to turn Sendou's face into mush.

Nor does he understand the moralization that it is wrong to hit people. He just doesn't get it, and it's probably ridiculous for him to even think about it, because at the deepest level he has an attitude to respond to any hint of a threat with a fight.

Most likely Shidou grew up in an environment where brute force decided everything. That's why he's so hyperexcitable.

Shidou is in a constant state of tension, waiting for even the slightest hint of a threat, which he is happy to crush immediately. He's constantly ready to strike because he's used to constantly feeling a threat - one that he had to respond to with violence because he wouldn't have survived otherwise. His "fight" response, out of a combination of ancient instincts called "fight-flight-freeze," is always switched to the max.

We all know that the attack is the best form of defense, and Shidou follows this motto with his entire being. "Beat your own so that others will fear you" is about him.

Shidou doesn't mention his family at all in his Blue Lock profile like other players do. Remember how he talks about Santa in the same form - "I can buy something on my own" sounds very childish and unhappy. When you're trying to prove to yourself that you don't need it at all - because if you need it, you won't get it anyway.

Beyond that, even leaving aside his family and theoretical home environment, we know for a fact that Shidou didn't play for any football team before Blue Lock.

He was a loner, and therefore the only space where he could practice was the street.

And street football is insanely, inhumanly violent.

And it makes sense that this similar environment, both at home and in the game, formed the core of Shidou's personality that we see in the manga. The core of personality, which is based on the desire to survive, and not just survive, but to show everyone around him that despite everything he has gnawed out a life for himself with his teeth. A life in which cruelty is the law.

A life where he exists.

Shidou is probably one of the most evident Blue Lock players, for whom football is not only inextricably linked to life - it is life. And Shidou is absolutely explicit about this both in the interview and in the manga.

For Shidou, football and life are one and the same.

The same thing that Aiku says: Shidou is incapable of separating the field and life. They're inseparable in his world in general; they're one and the same.

It is only logical that Shidou transfers the laws of his life to football as well; and ends up playing football the same way he plays life - a football of the "survival" kind. Where it is his biological need (I'm sorry), his only aspiration, the violence that breaks everything in its path. Where the way to "survive the game", just as in life, is to leave your mark, to somehow prove your existence in people's lives, to be remembered by them and imprinted in their memories.

And pay attention to the way Shidou lives: not according to the rules, uncomfortable and bright, believing that it is better to burn to the death than to lie in a corner as a gray shadow, but alive.

There are no rules in Shidou's football; therefore, there are no rules in Shidou's life.

And that's why Shidou despises heroes and "good guys"; because only naive idiots who don't understand real life, the one where your survival is all that matters. That's why he mocks Kunigami's principles so much: because to him, a child for whom his whole life has been one big attempt to gnaw his teeth out to survive, such principles are irrelevant.

Because there are no heroes in Shidou's world, and even if there were, they've long since broken.

And there are no restrictions in Shidou's life either. He lives a violent life, and it makes sense that he lives by the same principles in Blue Lock, not hesitating to threaten Rin with the end of his career or Igaguri with murder.

He's not violent because he takes some special pleasure in bullying Igaguri: he's violent because that's just who he is. He doesn't have a "harming others is not okay" attitude. It's instinct - as seen especially in his episodes of fighting with Rin. He doesn't care at all about causing him long-term harm or ruining his career - on the contrary, he enjoys it in the moment.

And this is especially evident in his relationship with Isagi; while Shidou had nearly smashed his head in the day before, on the field he already openly admires him and is quite friendly. Shidou doesn't give violence any particular importance - you don't give any importance to brushing your teeth or throwing out the rubbish in the morning, do you?

For Shidou, it's just insignificant, because violence is the organic basis of his life, its law and right.

Today he's trying to kill Isagi, and tomorrow it's Isagi-chan.

Because Shidou has no social competence - he had no parents to bring him into society and set some morals.

And his desires are pretty simple and even primitive. When he learns of his potential salary, his first thought is how much he can eat on it. All he basically wants, almost to the point of obsession, is to induce vivid emotions, explosion, adrenaline - something Shidou is addicted to, living in constant danger and something that allows him to feel alive and existent.

You know who that sounds like? Denji. A main character from Shidou's most favourite manga.

They both had no guides to society. They're both unfortunate kids who were deprived of absolutely everything when they were young. Who are so vulgar and repulsive not because there's anything wrong with them and they act so deliberately and meanly - but because they just don't know any other life. They just don't understand what it's like to live differently. They both live on base instincts.

And they both try to greedily claim as much as they can from the life around them - the food, the people, the sensations.

Because they had nothing before.

Back to Shidou and his football.

The most amazing thing about Shidou is the way he treats his opponents (omitting attempts to injure them). Shidou, even when losing, finds time to admire them - to admire those who took the ball away from him or stole a goal. He's really just having a good time - while for Rin, football is something to be taken completely seriously, for Karasu it's a need to pre-analyse opponents, and for Snuffy it's work, Shidou is just having fun.

And at the same time, what, along with "watch as world reaches its end" and "at the end of the day, when I became nothing, tears came out" demonstrates the duality of his nature is his attitude to losing.

He and Kaiser actually have too many parallels, but this is one of the most obvious - even though they treat the issue differently, they act in the same way.

They're both prepared to admit when they're losing - and they're both willing to break themselves for the sake of the goal. They both know how and when to tame jealousy and the losing parts of their being.

Because they don't believe in winning (explosion) any other way.

Shidou knows when to back down. Because he learnt this too from his childhood - that if the opponent is stronger than you and you keep carelessly breaking forward, sooner or later it will destroy you. The only way to win is to recognise his superiority and fracture yourself, forming a new self - one that can defeat him (as seen in Shidou's willingness to stop fighting so that Ego would let him out, and Kaiser's with his story with Noa).

The ability to appreciate and recognise the strength of your opponent is a basic principle of survival.

But at the same time (just like Kaiser), Shidou doesn't believe that there are invincible opponents. You just have to know the way to break them.

Or rather, not know: feel. Which is what happens at the U-20 game when Shidou enters the flow.

Logically, with all of the above, Shidou is a complete individualist, and is unable to comply with Rin even for the sake of a goal - because Shidou knows he can beat him. The point at which his PXG game has evolved - with two formations, one centered on Shidou and the other on Rin - is the clearest evidence of this.

Shidou knows when to back off - but Shidou isn't going to back off until circumstances force him to.

And in the end, this approach of Shidou ended up being too egoistic for Blue Lock, which is insanely ironic. What's also funny is that along with it, it's his attitude towards football that epitomises Ego's ideal - a player who puts everything he has into it because it's his way of surviving.

And so we come to that one scene of punishment. And it's this, along with Shidou's monologue from the U-20 game, that reveals him the most.

Because in the first few frames Shidou looks frankly miserable. Of course, anyone would look that way in his position. But suddenly Shidou starts talking calmly, offering a compromise - and then in the same second he snaps.

He explodes, cursing Ego - though as his words show he understands the reason for the punishment - he's even willing to compromise. It's illogical to curse the one on whom his salvation depends, isn't it?

Shidou acts this way because he's afraid.

Because in this moment - bound, locked up, and alone - he is defenseless.

He's like a caged animal that can't think logically - he's terrified, he's scared, he can only throw himself helplessly around the cage, grinning his teeth wantonly. This is the first time we see him so seriously angry (he still did get some fun, adrenaline rush during the fight with Rin).

The worst thing for Shidou, free as a bird or a tiger and most of all wanting that very freedom (more about that later) is vulnerability and limitation. Powerlessness. For the sake of overcoming this, he is ready to give up violence and his principles of life, as long as he is released and pulled out of this hell of helplessness.

And this fear is actually incredibly characteristic of his personality too.

But in order to understand why, of all the possible punishments of the world, it is the restriction that drives him to panic, let's remember what football means to him and his style of play in it.

Shidou has sharp and monstrous, even beastly reflexes and instincts. They are honed to the max. He is very strong physically, fast, agile, flexible, perfectly sensing the space around him. Optimal in his movements. Unpredictable. His illogical patterns are impossible to read.

Shidou is all of one naked reflex and instinct, free in his absolute savagery. He is a completely separate character outside of the Ego's system. He literally speaks a different language.

And Sae happens to be the only one who understands that language.

And up until their moments together, this is most vividly shown when Sae stops Shidou from beating up another player - and not just stops him, but understands what needs to be said.

Which again proves that in the violent chaos of Shidou's life he does have a certain logic. A constantly shifting, flexible one, but one...

Which, again, Sae alone understands.

And it is through playing with Sae that the whole point of why football is so important to Shidou is revealed. Why he plays it so instinctively, despising the rule, the tactics, and his teammates. Why is he suddenly willing to "break himself" for Sae, adjusting his rules of life to fit him, yesterday's stranger - because Sae accepts both him and his football, and doesn't try to limit or remake him. And that's exactly why Shidou is willing to be changed to match him.

Because Shidou's football, the life he wants to achieve, is all about freedom.

And that's not enough for him. It's not enough for Shidou just to play, just to live. It can't be enough for a man who is used to living on adrenaline and fighting for his existence every day.

Life for Shidou is about freedom, just as football is his escape and a place where he can exist.

Shidou stands out, doesn't follow the rules, exists so vividly and with every action clearly and distinctly proving his presence...

To live.

Both football and Shidou's life are about escaping, about breaking out of his limits. To see the world as himself - free and alive.

Football makes Shidou feel whole, feel alive. Football is what glues him together. It's the only way he can prove what he is - by achieving something. By making himself colorful, visible, uncomfortable - in a way that he can't be turned away from.

One that will allow him to leave a trace of his existence in the world. One that will prove to him that he is.

For Shidou, all these metaphorical (or not) explosions are actually a way of proving that he exists.

Even his fights and quarrels actually serve his purpose - and Shidou himself confirms this in his monologue. All of this is to be vivid, to imprint, to exist.

To be someone who cannot be forgotten or turned away from.

Who cannot be overlooked.

Who exists as obviously as he can.

Even his favorite subjects at school - Art and Physical Education (the latter obviously about football) - are related. Because it's possible to leave your mark on the world with art, too - and it makes sense that Shidou admires it so much. Because art is, after all, the most colorful thing a living person can leave behind.

And for Shidou, art is football.

For him, to exist is to be free. And to burn so brightly that it blinds his own eyes - otherwise both life and football become bland, boring and insignificant to him. Just like his evenings - remember "When is the last time you cried?" from The Egoist Bible? And remember Shidou's response?

"At the end of the day, when I became nothing, tears came out."

Because in the evening, emotions and people disappear and you're left to yourself. Empty, aimless and in a way pathetic - because you're no longer on fire. Because you lose all the things that made you feel during the day.

Shidou depends on vivid emotions - because, due to his difficult youth, they are the only things that allow him to feel that he is alive.

That he's free.

Shidou's favorite song is also about freedom and trying to break free from the constraints of his life.

There is nothing in the world Shidou longs for more than freedom.

And the spider in Shidou's favorite song is limited and weak.

A spider without wings is incapable of flying. The spider without wings is trapped in unfreedom, looking at the blue and vast sky above his head every day - one that he cannot reach.

A spider without wings is incapable of flying - and those wings Shidou himself, like the spider in the song, could not get, no matter how hard he tried.

But Sae gave Shidou those wings. Sae gave Shidou the ability to play to his full potential, the way he craved with his entire being. Sae took him out from Blue Lock. Sae acknowledged him. Sae gave him a chance to make his mark on the world and gave him purpose, he showed him that there was someone who understood him and his aspirations on this base, animal level.

Sae gave Shidou freedom.

And Shidou learnt to fly.

#shidou ryusei #itoshi sae #ryusae #ryusae are only implied so you can think of them as platonic but Kaneshiro'd be disappointed with you #bllk analysis #blue lock #bllk #character examination #blue lock analysis

467 notes · View notes

dreamofmetoday · 1 year

Text

EASY TO UNDERSTAND ASTROLOGY #2

mercury in aries: direct, candid and uncomplicated way of thinking and communicating. very opinionated and doesn't mind or can even enjoy argumentative and aggressive ways of talking and expressing thoughts. thoughts progress quickly and they do best in fast paced conversations and thinking on their feet. they don't stay too focused on the same thing for long. they are tactless but rarely dull (enthusiastic).

mercury in taurus: slow-moving, stubborn and thorough way of thinking and communicating. very practical, sometimes even to the point of valuing practicality over morals and ethics. they are conservative and thick-headed, meaning their opinions can be hard to sway and they can frustrate others because it can be hard to make things "get through" to them. their way of communicating often makes others take them seriously and they can be depended on for consistency. they can prefer demonstrations and (sensual) activities over talking.

mercury in gemini: anxious, scattered and quick-witted way of thinking and communicating. thoughts jump quickly from one to the other making them hard to follow (they can be be confusing communicators and have a tendency to rush through stories). they are better at absorbing and focusing on trivial knowledge, facts and gossip rather than topics that require periods of long concentration, which also allows them to talk on a wider breadth on subjects. they are adaptable, fairly objective and good at fast-thinking in chaotic environments. they are curious, nosy and can have an odd habit of sharing other people's stories as their own.

mercury in cancer: subjective, emotional and understanding way of thinking and communicating. being biased and non-intellectual, they can absorb information without critical thinking and hold onto these ideas strongly - hence why this placement is most associated with being patriotic (they easily go along with their family or peers). they avoid arguments and prefer conversations that feel intuitive and where they feel connected to the other person. this can be associated with good memory (similar to moon in cancer) and they can enjoy journalling to keep memories. they can also be humorous.

mercury in leo: dramatic, self-centred and storytelling way of thinking and communicating. they are animated and often funny and engaging conversationalists but can have problems ignoring details or facts. in personal matters they refuse to be wrong and can have trouble understanding who they're talking to, often causing great frustration to the person who is trying to solve problems or confront the leo mercury. they are very stubborn and very "their way or the highway", yet if approached correctly or by someone they respect they can sometimes even seem almost naive with how fast their opinion can change. they exaggerate details in their storytelling.

mercury in virgo: critical, practical and detail-oriented way of thinking and communicating. these people are not often animated or naturally engaging and can be very dry - their wittiness helping them with being more entertaining when talking. they are good at solving problems and are often appreciated in workplace environments. they can also be prone to nagging and pettiness (unable to let issues go as they overthink and ruminate). they can have problems being prejudiced and feel the need to always see real proof of something.

mercury in libra: fair, pleasant and compromising way of thinking and communicating. they value a good mental connection and have good 눈치 (nunchi), overall being good at reading situations and people. they are strategic and intellectual but are hindered by their people-pleasing tendencies interfering with their judgement. they avoid conflict and are indecisive leading them to be perpetual fence-sitters, they are also not practical thinkers and can be too theoretical. they come across as unassuming and don't seem defensive but their backhanded compliments and passive aggressiveness can leave people feeling uneasy.

mercury in scorpio: extreme, deep and emotional way of thinking and communicating. they have good instincts and can possess great observational skills but are much less objective than they often realise which leads to skewed, biased and sometimes even irrational and paranoid conclusions. they enjoy finding out secrets but can be extra guarded about sharing their own, sometimes even leading to lying or having too much of a habit of putting up a front. they are passionate and their opinions are often extreme and black and white. having a high desire for the truth and what's correct, they can be less stubborn than their fixed sign counterparts when changing their opinions but won't always show it (they will tell you, "no, i always thought that. i didn't change my mind" unless the proof of them ever thinking otherwise is too blatant to ignore).

mercury in sagittarius: idealistic, optimistic and big picture oriented way of thinking and communicating. they are open-minded and concerned more with what everything means rather than what is, they focus on the grand scheme of things over details or facts. they can be dogmatic and have a tendency to turn a personal experience or one time occurrence into something factual that must be true for all. so while valuing morals and meaning they can have problems with prejudice and critical thinking. they are sarcastic and humorous. they are blunt and forward but can also have a superfluous way of speech.

mercury in capricorn: pragmatic, methodical and concentrated way of thinking and communicating. they are great at analysing and come to precise, cut and dry conclusions. they often feel the need to prove themselves with their observations or contributions to discussions. they are bland and unimaginative in their communication style and fail to be engaging, especially when trying to teach or lead (more so if capricorn is also the sun sign). they have trouble adding their own "flair" to things and their trying attempts to be eloquent can come across as being self-unaware, boring and conceited to others - it can be hard for them to be natural and humorous though this is a helpful focus for them to advance.

mercury in aquarius: progressive, unique and detached way of thinking and communicating. they are observant, objective and intellectual but can easily think their way of thinking is superior to others, making them uncompromising and arrogant. they are good at being lighthearted and amusing but they have trouble communicating on a deeper level and are awkward about emotional matters. their knack for observation can lead them to being nosy and intrusive which is often a turn off for the people around them. while this placement is known for sparks of genius, they can sometimes have trouble successfully building upon these ideas or epiphanies due to their chaotic nature. they have a natural inclination to go against the rules and even play devil's advocate.

mercury in pisces: dreamy, imaginative and emotional way of thinking and communicating. since the sign pisces itself operates primarily in the subconscious realm, their thoughts can come to them in images and feelings rather than coherent sentences to be expressed. they can be poetic, entertaining and funny communicators due to this, naturally expressing thoughts that create great imagery and elicit specific emotions. however, they are also often confusing and say something completely different to what they're thinking (they can think of the colour blue and say red), this combined with their tendency to daydream can make them seem spacey. they are compassionate and are easily swayed by emotions. they are also not rational and can jump to obscure or dramatic conclusions. they can be easily lied to or can have a tendency to easily lie to others.

reminder: mercury can only be in the sign of or one sign away from the sun. the way someone's mercury interacts with their sun sign is very important and should be considered, even aside from house placements and aspects (that's also why when you read these they may sound similar to some sun signs in your life too).

1K notes · View notes

mercurianchild · 3 months

Note

hey beautiful,

could you make a post about Venus in 8th house? You’ve mentioned you have this placement and I do too! Thank you very much for your time. 🩷

🖤Venus in the 8th house🖤

TW: mentions of death and s*x

The most common thing I have seen is that this placement (along with scorpio Venus and Venus-Pluto aspects) is s*xualised and glamorised a lot. While it is true, that this placement gives an alluring and interesting aura, it’s not just that. Venus 8th house people have to offer so much more!

A lot of my friends and family members share this placement and we all share one thing: the ability to love so deeply that it hurts. This ability can also turn toxic or even turn into obsession if this placement is underdeveloped.

A lot of 8th housers also stay with people for longer than they should. Most of the times they have outgrown some situations or people, but they refuse to let go because of the feelings they feel. I’ve also been trough that many times. In hope that the spark will come back or that the people involved would change.

A common thing I’ve seen is that it is really hard to let go of people they love. I’ve seen this in friends AND family members that they just can’t let go of certain people where love was involved. For me, it’s still that one guy who I haven’t talked to for 5 months now. In the end, he hurt me. But he showed me what it’s like to be loved. I am still not over him and I know it will take some work to let go of him. With him, I experienced what I envisioned as love between two beings.

Venus in 8th house people are (like other 8th house placements) able to read people like a book. The gut feeling about others is never wrong. Intuition is high.

Could be more into trying extreme and intense things in bed like bdsm or playing with knives. 🔪💀⛓️

Very much into occultism and practising it. All my 8th house friends, for example, are in coven or practices witchcraft. Very into herbs and Hollis tub healing methods.

Which leads to the point that people with this placement are natural healers (if developed).

Natural understanding for psychology. Like really!!! Not just theoretical, but also being able to apply it in real life!

Constantly going through death and rebirth moments in life. A lot of ego deaths will happen.

On the other hand, this placement can bring a lot of hate and resentment from women (no matter if the individual is male or female). A lot of jealousy from other woman which makes it hard to find out who will stab you in the back when you’re not around. This can also lead to trust issues in friendships!

Feeling emotions so intense that it may be difficult to word them. Something that helped me was to find a creative way to let them out. Writing, painting or creating music are wonderful activities.

Red and darker colours look wonderful on these individuals (yes, this can vary depending on the rest of the chart and genetics)

Underdeveloped Venus in 8th house can make someone prone to be a pick me or a real meanie.

Either these individuals had some point of being bullied in teen years or them bullying others.

Constant feelings of so much depth. Whenever I’m around other 8th housers I feel so understood. It’s like a warm hug. We just know what you’re feeling.

I said it before, but the ability to heal… just by being there. Just the presence of these individuals is so intoxicating and loving!

Tend to have very dark humour and make jokes about inappropriate things.

Knack for taboo topics. No fear in discussing them.

Love to keep things private or even a secret. Like being involved in affairs just for the sake of it being a secret thing. I feel like some may enjoy something like that just for the thrill of it.

A lot of secret admirers!!

Can have issues with s*xuality and some may not be s*xually active until their late teen years or early adulthood. From what I’ve seen in friends, read online or even experiences myself, there can be also some unconscious trauma relating to one’s s*xuality.

Last but not least: these individuals are hard to forget, as they carry so much depth, magic and power… once they recognise their potential, it’s over for all them bitches trying to put them down!!

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #zodiac #astrology community #astro placements #8th house #venus #venus 8th house #Scorpio Venus #Venus-pluto

201 notes · View notes

gunkreads · 4 months

Text

Elayne's time in the circus learning the actual practice behind all the theoretical queen qualities she's been taught was probably the most pivotal aspect of her succeeding in taking the throne. One huge theme Jordan likes to play with using his leaders is the gap between a person who knows how to do something and a person who has done something. Have you ever had a boss who couldn't do your job, but thought they could? Sucked ass, right? Same applies to a monarch.

The circus arc, made more potent by Tanchico before it, was an extended sequence that forced Elayne to reckon tangibly with everything she didn't know how to do, try to learn those things, and accept what she couldn't learn. She was surrounded by people with very specific, hard-to-learn skills that she had to watch others respect or be impressed by, and for the first time in her life, those skills were not centered around the acquisition or exercise of power.

(late addition edit) The mastery of tightrope walking, and the fact that as time goes on, she relies less and less on channeling to do it, is also a major factor here. She masters a very physical skill that forces you to be very in tune with your body. Once you do that, you can never again disrespect others who have done the same. It does double duty as an actual lesson for her and a great metaphor for how she sees herself as above others and has to slowly teach herself how to actually keep herself above others using only her own innate power.

To put it really simply, Elayne learned deep, to-the-marrow humility for the first time from the circus arc. There's "being humiliated", which happened plenty before that, but the circus arc taught how to be humble. Being humiliated doesn't make you humble; respecting others' expertise does. She and Nynaeve both go through this similar curve where they're forced to recognize people like Thom/Bayle/Juilin, Luca, and the circus performers as unique agents who have skills beyond their own. That's step one; step two is that they accept that and actively seek those people's help when it's relevant.

Now, of course, calling Elayne "humble" at any point in the series is... uh... not correct. But from this point on, she's actually constantly aware of the fact that there are people in the world who are good at things she'll never even begin to approach. She always knew there'd be stronger channelers or fighters and more knowledgeable politicians, but she didn't understand how to respect the skill of someone who can, say, tame an animal. After the circus arc, she does understand that, and without that understanding, she would never have been able to spread her power base widely enough to succeed in the succession.

When Elayne asks someone to come to her aid or back her, they can see in her eyes that she's asking them because she understands that she is not wholly better than they are. They can see that she's not trying to put another body behind herself for the numbers; she picked them because they have assets, skills, knowledge, or connections that she doesn't, and she respects that difference. It's a completely qualitative difference that's entirely subtextual, but it's there.

#wheel of time #elayne trakand

169 notes · View notes

saintsenara · 24 days

Note

honestly is there a single competent teacher at Hogwarts? Any teacher I can think of with more than 10 lines of dialogue is a pedagogical disaster. Very shippable disasters though, for which I am grateful because your page has made me giggle all week.

maybe Sprout.

honestly, anon? no.

that school is a basket case and the older i get the more my sympathy for cornelius fudge increases. imagine getting the call where dumbledore says "heyyyyy... so, i hired what i thought was an ex-auror who was retired from the service because of serious ptsd, gave him no teacher training, let him perform illegal curses on children for fun, and then it turns out he was an escaped convict trying to resurrect the dark lord all along. lmao."

i'd have devoted myself to trying to discredit him too.

and so, for fun and profit, i think it's only fair for us to establish an official competency ranking of the teaching staff at hogwarts during the period 1991-1998... points on for having a basic grasp of the material, points off for anyone who nearly dies in your class.

1. wilhelmina grubbly-plank, care of magical creatures

genuinely, professor grubbly-plank is the only person we meet in all seven books who seems to be an uncomplicatedly good teacher. she's got a series of well-defined lesson plans which feature a mixture of guided and independent study and which work in a tangible way towards exams, she has clear authority in the classroom but is never unreasonable or cruel, she's demonstrably able to lead a practical class which involves wild animals which might behave dangerously or unpredictably without there ever being any concerns about student safety, she takes an active pastoral role [such as when she helps heal hedwig's injured wing, reassuring harry enormously], she's collegial [she shares her lessons plans with hagrid in goblet of fire, and she refuses to criticise his teaching to umbridge], and she's admired by all of her pupils except harry [who is nonetheless begrudgingly forced to admit that she's incredibly good at her job].

plus, her aesthetic is iconic.

=2. filius flitwick, charms; pomona sprout, herbology

in joint second place, we have these two.

both sprout and flitwick spend canon seeming to be pretty good at their jobs - they have interesting lesson plans which seem to balance theoretical and practical work well and which prepare their pupils properly for exams, their pupils like them and enjoy their lessons, they're both excellent at the pastoral side of their jobs [sprout's gentle encouragement of neville is really lovely], and they're adored by their colleagues.

they lose marks for lax classroom discipline. harry, ron, and hermione are constantly yapping away in both charms and herbology - with harry and ron frequently failing to understand what they're supposed to be learning because they were too busy have a chat.

=4. remus lupin, defence against the dark arts; septima vector, arithmancy

two teachers here who earn their placement on the list by having one pupil who considers them life-alteringly inspiring.

for lupin, this is dean thomas - whose constant state of readiness to throw hands to defend his honour is one of his greatest character traits. for vector, it's hermione.

obviously, they're both well-qualified, well-prepared, engaging, and [at least in lupin's case, but i can't see why it wouldn't also be the case for vector] well-regarded by their colleagues.

they don't rank higher because lupin loses marks for endangering his students by not disclosing his knowledge that the presumed-to-be-a-death-eater sirius has a means of entering hogwarts without detection [i understand why he does this from a characterisation point of view, but it's inexcusable from a safeguarding one] and because vector teaches an elective subject which is implied to only attract bright, engaged pupils - and therefore has an easier time in the classroom than someone trying to get a student like crabbe through their exams.

5. minerva mcgonagall, transfiguration

in comes minnie mac at number five.

unsurprisingly, her solid curriculum, excellent classroom discipline, high-regard among her colleagues and pupils, support of student extracurricular activities, and investment in helping her pupils pursue the careers they want all give her points.

she loses marks, however, for the fact that she is so casually disdainful of pupils who aren't instinctively good at her subject - which suggests that she doesn't know how to adapt her material so it can be understood by every student she teaches. like dumbledore, she seems to have an identifiable favouritism for brilliant students - who she seems to permit to get away with much more than students she considers average or dull - which probably doesn't endear her to anyone who doesn't get that treatment.

on her pastoral approach, though, i don't think that it matters too much that she's not particularly nurturing - even though she's a head of house. she seems to be good at responding to genuine distress and managing genuine crises with empathy, and the "pull yourself together" vibes she takes in response to more trivial dramas is because she's a presbyterian scotswoman.

6. severus snape, potions & defence against the dark arts

the one on this list that i imagine will be controversial...

because snape is a dick in the classroom - not denying that - but he's also, in terms of his pupils' exam performance, clearly the most successful teacher in the entire school. he can fill his newt-level classes despite only admitting those with outstanding grades, and he expects every pupil he teaches to pass owl-level potions and seems not to be disappointed. hermione reveals that he does teach the theory of potions and the discipline's wider application - harry and ron just don't listen - and that she thinks his lessons are interesting.

snape loses marks - obviously - for his general vibe, although i think he should be allowed some leeway for his dickhead behaviour since potions is clearly a subject in which not paying attention and not being able to follow instructions properly is dangerous [hence why i've been a trevor hater since day one].

i suppose he should also be allowed some leeway because it's a genre requirement for a school story to have a theatrically evil teacher. but he's not getting it - since he clearly enjoys the role so much.

7. horace slughorn, potions

marks on for encouraging independent thinking and for clearly being able to hold a classroom's attention. marks off for not learning the names of pupils he's indifferent to, getting his favourite pupils drunk, and for having no follow-up questions to "hello, sir. i'd like to commit some murders."

8. charity burbage, muggle studies

entirely because i think it's genuinely admirable - and, indeed, far more admirable than the fact that the order of the phoenix all happily keep working for the state following voldemort's takeover - that she publishes an article in the daily prophet, to which her real name is attached, explicitly refuting blood-supremacist rhetoric when she must know that a blood-supremacist government is about to come into power.

marks off because the fact that even wizards who've taken her class appear to know fuck all about muggle society means that she can't be particularly good at her job.

9. firenze, divination

marks on because his pupils love him, marks off because that's a tremendously low bar to clear given... trelawney.

him telling his classes that divination is a bullshit, made-up subject is iconic, though.

10. "alastor moody", defence against the dark arts

i think it's genuinely impressive that he manages to go from being imprisoned under the imperius curse for a decade straight into planning a full year's lesson plans [which his pupils love] and doesn't have a breakdown.

marks off because of literally everything else.

=11. all the miscellaneous teachers: aurora sinistra, astronomy; silvanus kettleburn, care of magical creatures; bathsheba babbling, ancient runes

they seem fine.

14. rolanda hooch, flying

full respect to her for managing to wangle a full-time salary out of an annual workload made up of teaching one lesson [badly] and refereeing six quidditch matches.

15. quirinus quirrell, defence against the dark arts

all the proof those of us who hate professor riddle stories need that voldemort would have been a dogshit teacher, if he can't even get his meat-puppet to inspire a room full of eager eleven-year-olds in a subject which is about the coolest ways possible to kill people.

=16. cuthbert binns, history of magic; sybill trelawney, divination

they're terrible, obviously, but the fact that they remain in their jobs despite being so clearly incompetent is entirely dumbledore's fault. are you not giving the staff performance reviews, albus? come on now.

18. dolores umbridge, defence against the dark arts

umbridge deserves to be in prison, but she did at least bother to plan out a curriculum.

=19. gilderoy lockhart, defence against the dark arts; rubeus hagrid, care of magical creatures

both victims of dumbledore's "lol this will be so funny" era of hiring practices. both deservedly regarded as completely fucking incompetent by all but one defiant brownnoser. both possessing jazzy taste in textbooks.

21. amycus carrow, defence against the dark arts

he beats his sister simply because his pupils do appear to know how to perform the unforgivable curses correctly.

22. alecto carrow, muggle studies

literally nothing positive can be said.

#asks answered #where is ofsted?#albus... get the performance improvement plans out babe...#educational decrees they could never make me hate you #safeguarding tonite? safeguarding tonite queen?

127 notes · View notes

stayconnecteed · 5 months

Text

❪⠀🪐. hot chocolate⠀𓏔⠀bangchan⠀❫

☆ㅤbarista!bangchan x afab!reader ( i wanna be yours oneshots )⠀★⠀9.1k words

( i'm sorry if this sucks, i know it's long. have a nice day cuties ♡ )

synopsys: every time you tell someone that you don't like coffee, the reaction is total incomprehension, even indignation. but when your university classmates leave you standing at the café where your crush works, you decide to order a coffee to try to avoid looking bad and end up making a fool of yourself. warnings: i think fluff bangchan needs a warning by itself because woah you can become addicted. but a part from that, there's a brief mention of death while talking about korean mithology, reader is a very introverted and insecure person ーexpect a lot of sad thoughts :(( but felix is here to save the day and hopefully the rest of the story is a little bit of idiots who have a crush on each other.

You were stressed because the first semester was about to end, you had Christmas vacations around the corner, exams approaching at an overwhelming speed, and yet one of your teachers had given you two last-minute projects, one practical and one theoretical. Luckily it was in groups, and your best friend, Hyunjin, had included you in his after a quick pleading glance, assuring you some peace of mind. Not that he was very good at the academic aspect ーnotes, exams, homework and studying in generalー, but he made up for it with a great sense of aesthetic, and managed to make all your projects really visually appealing. Also, your other two friends were very nice and very good at the subject, so whenever you didn't understand something they would always offer to explain it to you with a big smile and kind words.

If they had a flaw, unfortunately, it was being late absolutely everywhere. And perhaps an unhealthy addiction to coffee, although that was not so much a flaw as a general characteristic of the vast majority of students. Sadly, neither of the two suited you at the moment, when you found yourself in front of the most famous coffee shop on the entire campus, all by yourself, after you had been forced to walk more meters than you were willing to do on a normal day, as they didn't show up at the appointed time. Having to enter without his company was not what worried you, but what you would have to face once inside.

To say you hated coffee would be an exaggeration. In fact, during exam week you would have a couple of cups to avoid falling asleep over your notes on those endless nights of studying, or in the middle of class, but it just wasn't your favorite flavor. You hated the taste. Too bitter, the unpleasant aftertaste instantly drying your mouth and lingering on your tongue as an annoying reminder of the beverage you had just tasted. You always grimaced terribly when you took your first sip, something that anyone watching you found absurdly funny, and then, as you swallowed, even with your eyes closed, a shiver would run through your spine, as if your body recognized the drink and reacted to it.

The problem was that 5STAR was a coffee shop that specialized in coffee. They had scones, and cookies, and brownies to go with it, but they didn't make smoothies or juices. And you usually only went there with Hyunjin, who had been responsible for asking if they could make hot chocolate that first afternoon you had met to study there, a couple of years ago, before he had even started working in the establishment. You had been so embarrassed that it had taken you quite a while to return, and since then you had always left it up to him to order for you, after you had made sure that the barista who was serving was either him or Felix, the blond, freckle-faced Australian you went to class with, because you had never felt judged by his smile upon discovering that the chocolate was for you.

But now you were alone, on the sidewalk, and the time you had spent looking inside the place was starting to look weird. Your options were simple: go in, order a hot chocolate, sit down to prepare the subject and pretend it was the most normal thing in the world, or go in, order the first coffee you saw on the menu hanging on the wall, sit down to prepare the subject and wait for Hyunjin to come through the door to ask him to drink it. Obviously, you chose the second option, too tempted at the thought that someone might judge you, so you closed your eyes, took a breath of air, and pushed open the heavy glass door, praying that the barista who was serving at that moment wasn't the cute guy who, you had to admit, you had a little crush on.

But there he was, behind the counter, with a friendly smile plastered on his face, his dimples appearing and disappearing as he moved his lips to talk to the customer in front of him. He had decided not to put on the beanie he usually wore almost every day, and his thick curls spilled over his head, giving him a more relaxed look, in contrast to the serious outfit that was the café's uniform, with black pants and T-shirt and beige apron. You knew relatively little about him, such as that his name was Chris and he had been at the same college you went to, but shooting him quick glances whenever you went and he was there was your favorite hobby.

You cleared your throat, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear in a nervous gesture and stood in line, fiddling with your phone case, pulling out a corner and putting it back to pretend your hands weren't shaking. You didn't normally get so nervous about social interactions, but it was true that your natural shyness and introverted nature have given you more than one bad experience. And the fact that you were going to talk to Chris for the first time only made your anxiety skyrocket, because you know you weren't able to control what you say. Your mind went on autopilot, and all you' were left with was remembering for weeks the nonsense you had blurted out, unable to change a single word. You tried to formulate in your head the phrase you're going to use as the queue slowly moved forward, your gaze locked on the way you move your feet as you walked.

"Hello?" you heard, lifting your head so fast you feared you'd hurt your neck. Great, you were so distracted you didn't notice when it was your turn.

"Hi" you replied, forcing your eyes to fix on his and stopping them from roaming over every feature of his face. Fixing on his but blinking normally, you reminded yourself, clearing your throat again.

"Good afternoon" he repeated, his voice soft and gentle, one of his hands already over the screen to take down your order. "What will you have?"

"Oh..." you murmured, trying to rescue from your memory the phrase you had prepared. Don't say hot chocolate, don't say hot chocolate, don't say... "Hot chocolate."

"Huh?" he asked, his lips parted and his eyebrows furrowing in adorable confusion. You realized your tone was too low and he probably hadn't heard you correctly, though it was clear you had said something, denying you the chance to make up another answer to cover your mistake.

"Hot chocolate" you whispered again, glancing at the three people behind you, trying not to let them hear. You noticed the heat flushing your cheeks as you spoke, "Can you, uh, can you say it's something else?"

"Excuse me?" you couldn't help but watch his frown deepen even more, and you made a panicked face, trying to find a convincing excuse that didn't expose your null extroverted abilities or how poorly you had approached the conversation. Chris realized almost instantly how it was affecting you, and reached a hand over the counter to caress yours, relaxing his features. "Hey, hey, I just don't understand what you mean."

You heard the hammering of your heartbeat all over the place, drowning out the background noise as it rumbled in your ears, or in the muscles of your hand that were in contact with the barista's skin, but mostly in your chest, at such a volume that for a moment you feared all the café would be able to hear it. You swallowed saliva with difficulty, your mouth suddenly completely dry, and tried to formulate something that made a minimal amount of sense, "I'd rather not drink coffee, but I don't want those in the back to know that I ordered hot chocolate."

And then you saw him flash that smile you loved so much, trying to stifle a laugh, and he nodded, withdrawing his hand from above yours to write it down.

"Don't worry, I'll personally take care of your order" he assured you, his eyes glinting at the screen, biting his lip unconsciously in a gesture of concentration. "A mocca coffee, then, right?" he said, raising his tone a little.

"Yes" you replied, avoiding his gaze, shyly, when he shifted it slightly towards you to ask for your name. You set your phone down on the marbled surface of the counter to rummage through your totebag for your wallet. "It's to take here, not to go."

"Oh, then I'll bring it to you at the table when it's ready," he announced, leaning on his forearms to look down at you.

"But..., how much is it?" you asked, confused, the wallet open in your hands, a few coins on your palm.

"It's on the house" he answered you, his dimples accentuating.

The warmth in your cheeks spread across your face, and you made a little bow, knowing that you must have been flushed to your ears. You didn't bother struggling to hide your smile, and hurriedly put away your wallet, grabbing your phone and mumbling some kind of nervous thank you. When you turned around, your face out of Chris's gaze, you sighed, placing your hands on your cheeks to calm down a bit, and looked around for some table to sit at. The one you normally occupied was being used by a girl, but there were few people at that time, so you chose a nearby one, assuming Hyunjin wouldn't mind, and once everything was ready you started to take out the material.

You had brought your laptop, of course, and had printed out some ideas you'd had, sketching in the margins how you intended to cover the visual part 一although that was taken care of by Hyunjin. But you knew he was a bit chaotic, so having a base for what the presentation would look like always came in handy. That day you were going to prepare the theoretical part, in which you were to choose a song and a theme, write a long document stating your reasons, and then prepare a performance in which you would narrate some typical legend of the country through dance. As if you had the mental capacity to create a choreography from scratch at this point of the semester.

You knew it was going to be a relatively short meeting, because you were all out of time, so you entertained yourself looking for songs that would inspire you for the theme you had chosen, the Jeosung Saja. To tell the truth you had no idea about Korean mythology, but you had spent the whole afternoon looking for ideas on the internet and that was the most likely to present a good dance. They were messengers from the afterlife, those who guided the dead to the afterlife. You had read that they were usually represented with a black hanbok, and they also appeared in some dorama that had become famous, so you could develop a dark aesthetic, as Hyunjin liked so much.

You were so engrossed in rereading what you had written on your laptop screen, and in the list of songs recommended by the teacher, that you didn't notice that Chris had left the cup of chocolate on the table. You had to contain the pout you wanted to make, because you were sure he hadn't said anything to avoid disturbing you. It smelled wonderful, and he had left you a plate with a buttery croissant next to the hot chocolate, with a folded paper napkin that read "a mocha for the lovely girl at table 8 :))". Your lips began to curl into a smile as you took the napkin and carefully tucked it away in your planner, unable to stay focused on the music anymore.

Just as you had taken the cup in your hands, the temperature of the porcelain fighting the coldness of your skin, and warming your throat as you tasted it, Hyunjin and Felix entered the room, a chaos of laughter and exclamations, Sunwoo following closely behind, engaged in their conversation. You pretended to wince angrily, frowning and hastily putting the cup down on the table to cross your arms over your chest, giving Hyunjin a dirty look. When the boy noticed your state he hurried to sit next to you, his chin resting on your shoulder, mumbling various apologies about his delay.

"It was my fault, Ynnie," stated Sunwoo, setting his backpack on the table and sitting down across from you. "We were practicing the dance in Professor Park's class and there was a sequence of steps that kept going wrong for me."

"Don't worry, Woo" you replied, snuggling up next to Hyunjin, like always when you were together. "I'm doing it to annoy him."

"And what are you going to complain about if you got your chocolate?" you heard him mutter, picking up the cup to steal a sip from you.

"No thanks to you" you whispered back, taking it from his hands to drink yourself.

"Oooh, come on, don't be like that" he protested, his head resting on your shoulder, rolling his eyes, which managed to snatch some laughter from Felix. At your silence he turned just enough so he could make eye contact with you. "Are you really mad?"

"No."

"But?" he asked, knowing from the way you were that you weren't going to let on how much it had upset you if that had been the case.

"I had a hard time" you muttered, hiding behind your cup. "Neither Felix nor you were here to save me from having to ask for it myself."

"Whose turn was it today?" Sunwoo spoke up, turning to Hyunjin as he pulled out his own laptop.

"Chris" you replied, your cheeks reddening again.

"Oh" Felix said, before cracking a smile that hid how much he was dying to let out a squeal of excitement, "oooh."

"Oh, what?" asked Hyunjin, peeling slightly away from you and frowning in confusion.

"Nothing" you ended the conversation with a warning gesture to Felix, who pretended to run a zipper over his lips, and handed out the printed sheets of paper with the information you had found the previous afternoon, trying to get started on the project. "Well, I had thought about..."

"No, oh, what?" repeated Hyune, completely ignoring the written words and dividing his attention between the freckled boy in front of him and you, "what does he know that I don't?"

"Dude, if you don't know it's because you're just blind" Sunwoo stated, focused on the information, with a gesture of disbelief on his face.

"Guys, please" you requested, avoiding looking at Hyunjin and glancing back down at the sheet. "As I was saying, I had thought of basing our dance on the legend of the Jeosung Saja. You have a summary there, but I'll comment quickly: we can create a story from scratch about someone's death, and have two of us act as the Korean messengers, who let him say goodbye to the love of his life before guiding him to the afterlife, or something like that. I don't have the music yet, but it sounds like a good plan."

"It says here that we'd have to look for some black hanbok" Sunwoo pointed out, as you nodded, and shared a look with you, implying that he approved of the idea, already looking for ways to carry it out.

"Actually, I had thought of something else" Felix muttered, his fingers fiddling with the paper nervously. "Ehm, I read an article yesterday about these... Korean ghosts. They're called Gwisin, and there are four types, like us, there are four of us. There's Cheonyeo, which is the virgin ghost, Mul is the water ghost, Chonggak is the single man ghost, and Dalgyal is the egg ghost. There's only one girl, so it seemed perfect to me. It still has dark aesthetics, because they are wandering spirits of humans who have died with unfinished business, and also to record the dance we can talk to my friend Jake, who is doing a degree in photography and is good with cameras."

"I was going to propose Han or Chris to help us with the music" Sunwoo added, "because with all the time they spend glued to their laptops they're sure to have some track we can use, and we don't even need lyrics."

"Oh, it's actually much better than my idea, Felix" you agreed, closing the tab with the information you had searched for and starting to research about the Gwisin. As you read, you brainstormed, rambling outloud. "We can connect the lives of the four characters, do four solos that blend together, and add minutes of duets until, at the end, all four spirits end up accomplishing the unfinished business they had and do a final scene together"

"Yes!" exclaimed Felix, excited. "Just what I had thought. They've made scary movies about the Gwisin, but we can give it a dramatic twist. The virgin girl was an unrequited love of the water ghost, for example. We're going to have to get a pool to shoot the moment when he dances, you know, when he drowns and dies."

"That can be the start of the dance" proposed Sunwoo.

"I offer it to be me, if you want" said Felix, "I don't mind getting in the pool in December. I have enough experience in cold water, from when I was in Australia."

"Perfect" you affirmed, glad that you had gotten the job on track so well in such a short time. "I think we can go straight back to the studio to prepare the music, what do you think, Hyune?"

He had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout your talk, head resting on the back of the seat and gazing blankly, taking small sips from the cup of hot chocolate, with absent-minded gestures. You could almost see the gears turning in his mind, as he slowly nibbled at the croissant Chris had left for you. There was something that had been bothering him.

"I need a coffee," he muttered, leaving your empty cup on the table and ignoring your question, "would you like another chocolate?"

"Hyune..." you mumbled, confused at his attitude.

"I'll order it to go, don't worry" he added, grabbing his backpack. "I think Han is at home and has the 3racha equipment."

You shrugged as he stood up, and you then began to pick up your laptop and notebook, shoving them into your bag in a hurry to keep up with Felix and Sunwoo, who had hardly had to put anything away. Sunwoo had his own laptop already in the case, and Felix was folding the paper you had printed out, carefully, to tuck it between his notebooks, into his backpack. The three of you headed outside, to wait for Hyunjin, while Felix ran a hand around your waist, trying to coax information out of you.

"So..., Chris, huh?"

"Can we talk about how Hyunjin is mad for talking about it in front of him when he doesn't know anything?" you replied, giving him a loving punch on the arm. "Drop the topic."

"But it's the first time you've talked to him!" he protested, pouting, "I want to know everything!"

"YN is right, Lix," Sunwoo supported you, to which you shot him a grateful look. "Hyunjin is our creative soul and he hasn't blurted out a single word, that says a lot about the situation."

"I'm going to have to tell him about the crush, anyway" you stated, making the decision on the spot, leaning against Felix, "because it's not fair that he doesn't know."

"I don't understand why you haven't told him yet" he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Hyunjin and Chris work together" you explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "and besides, they're close friends."

"So does Felix" Sunwoo reproached, frowning.

"Felix keeps my secrets" you confessed, resting your head on his shoulder with a smile. "Hyune is too much of a gossip to keep that sort of thing to himself."

"If you tell him it's a secret he sure won't let it out" Felix muttered, defending his friend.

You glanced inside the shop, where Hyunjin was leaning against the counter, throwing his head back every time he let out a laugh, while Chris was talking to him, moving fluidly between the machines, preparing the order with expert hands. You couldn't help but feel a pang of envy at his familiarity. You weren't used to feeling this way about your friends, but the way Hyunjin's eyes twinkled at the jokes the barista would drop with a serious gesture and then burst into adorable laughter made you wonder if you hadn't been a little blind to their interactions. You tried not to think too much about it, but you had always had very bad luck with your crushes, something that had only increased your insecurities, and had forced you to keep a low profile on such matters.

"YN?" murmured Felix, one hand caressing your shoulder in an affectionate gesture. "You know he wouldn't say anything, right?"

"I know, it's just..." you lost the thread of your words, absorbed in the scene unfolding behind the glass, Chris reaching for a black marker to write something down on one of the take away cups, Hyunjin too busy searching for his wallet in his backpack to notice.

"Whatever you're overthinking right now isn't true" you heard the freckled blond say, drawing your attention back to him. "It's not the first time you've broken your own heart by heeding unrealistic assumptions you've got stuck in your head. Trust Hyunjin, he would never hurt you on purpose."

"I know," you repeated, turning to face away from the café, but avoiding making eye contact with him, "but I don't... I know and I repeat it to myself, but sometimes I just don't listen, even if it's true."

When you looked up, your eyes beginning to fill with tears you didn't intend to shed, Felix was giving you a look full of understanding. You had few friends as close to your heart as he and Hyunjin, but between Lix and you there had always been a kind of connection built on a common bond, as had been the constant insecurities that only you were able to keep from escalating.

"Let me know when it's like this," he asked, his hand leaving your shoulder and running down your arm until it came to fidget with your fingers, "give me a sign, or look at me. I'll remind you."

You nodded, resting your forehead in the crook of his neck, letting yourself be comforted by his touch, and managed to muster a smile as he tried to give you a hug but your totebag blocked his way. You saw him pout, and you let out a laugh, being interrupted by a shy cough from Sunwoo, who had taken a couple of steps away to give you privacy.

"I'm talking to Han and he asked me what kind of music we're looking for" he explained, pointing to his phone, "in case he can go looking through the songs they have already done or half done, so we don't have to start something new."

"Oh, sure" you said, frowning in a thoughtful gesture. "I'd say something dark, wouldn't you?"

"No doubt" Felix seconded, nodding at your words.

"And since the main choreographer is Hyune, add elegant and heart-wrenching as well" you straightened your figure, watching as Sunwoo typed hurriedly, his fingers speeding over the screen, "if what we're going to narrate is a story of unrequited love, and death, we'd better do something dramatic."

"A hot chocolate!" exclaimed Hyunjin, pushing the door open with his hip, both hands busy with the take away cups. "A hot chocolate for you, and coffee for me."

"Thank you, Hyune" you whispered, leaving a kiss on his cheek as he handed you the cup, again grateful for the warmth emanating from it.

"Looks to me like it has a message, Ynnie" Felix said to you, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, pointing to the letters you could guess under your fingers. You noticed how your cheeks flushed again, moving your hands so you could read all the words, and recognizing Chris's neat handwriting.

"What the hell are you talking about?" exclaimed Hyunjin, rushing over to you to try to read it first. "What does it say?"

"Thought you were really cute, leave my number here" you murmured, starting to crack a big smile, savoring the words as you said them, your heart skipping a beat when you saw that he had drawn a smiley face again and you imagined him, showing his dimples.

Hyunjin had repeated it again aloud, and you heard Felix stifle a gasp, holding his hands to his mouth, his face the vivid image of surprise. Sunwoo had merely let out a laugh and shook his head, as if he didn't believe what had just happened, still holding his phone in his hand. When you looked up, you found disbelief tinting Hyunjin's eyes, one of his hands still holding your arm from when he had rushed to read message over your shoulder.

"Oh," you breathed, causing Felix to snort.

"That's all you're going to say?"

"What do you expect me to say?" you replied, a soft chuckle bubbling up inside you.

"At least say hello to him through the glass," Sunwoo suggested to you, tilting his head in the direction of the café, which was at your back, "the poor guy looks like he wants to turn into a giraffe, from how much he's stretching his neck this way."

You turned your head as soon as you processed what Woo had just said, listening to Hyunjin complaining if that had anything to do with what Felix had said when you had confessed that the barista who had served you was Chris. Just as your friend had said, Chris was resting his hands on the counter, his body almost hovering completely over the surface, trying to figure out what your reaction had been. The moment you made eye contact, and gave him a shy smile, he couldn't help but turn with a jerk, suddenly suddenly busy with a non-existent order.

"Ynnie has a cruush" Felix crooned, causing Hyunjin to open his mouth in a gesture of exaggerated drama that you totally deserved.

"And you weren't planning on telling me anything!" he exclaimed, indignantly.

"She was literally going to tell you now" Sunwoo interjected, helping you balance the tragedy, "but Chris beat you to it."

"I have to tell Changbin" commented Felix, picking up his phone, "now he owes me money."

"You were keeping a bet on them?" asked Hyunjin, pouting. "Did everyone know but me?"

"Hyune, YN doesn't know how to pretend" explained Felix, resting a hand on his shoulder as he reached for Changbin's contact, "Changbin only needed to spend a few minutes with her at the café to figure it out."

While they started a new argument on the topic, you brought the glass to your lips, wanting to taste that drink that you liked so much, and that now that you knew that Chris had prepared it with so much love, it had become your favorite. But as soon as you took a sip and the bitter taste of coffee settled in your mouth, you pushed the glass away, trying to avoid looking into the coffee shop with a confused gesture, and taking the cap off, as if you wanted to make sure that what you had just drunk was definitely not chocolate. But when you breathed in the unmistakable smell of coffee, you noticed how your chest contracted. And suddenly you saw, as if in slow motion, the interaction Chris had had with Hyunjin while you waited, the adoration with which the barista had watched your friend laugh. How he had taken advantage of just when Hyunjin wasn't looking to write the note in his coffee, all those times you had caught them talking and they had fallen silent in your presence. How, yet again, the guy you'd fallen for chose someone else over you, another crush that ended badly, and it pained you to look back and only see a trail of stories in which the only heart that had ended up breaking was yours.

"Hey, let's get going, shall we?" proposed Sunwoo, getting your attention.

You listened as Felix and Hyunjin agreed with him with small nods, but without letting go of their playful bickering, taking off walking towards the apartment where the latter lived with Han Jisung. You had heard them, but all your enthusiasm for the project had vanished, leaving in its place a constant stinging in your eyes, which struggled not to tear up in the middle of the street.

"YN, aren't you coming?" asked Hyunjin, stopping everyone when he realized you weren't with them, that you had stayed behind.

You managed to shake your head, a small movement that was enough to make your friend frown, taking a couple of steps towards you. You tried to compose yourself, ignoring your feelings 一at least for the moment一 and swallowed before formulating the first excuse that came to mind:

"I'm... not feeling too well, guys" you stammered, intensifying your gaze towards Sunwoo, who was the most likely to let you go without asking too many questions.

"But a moment ago you were perfectly fine" Felix muttered, and you noticed his eyes on you, trying to unravel the hidden reasons for your departure.

"I'd rather go home" you said, in a whimper, the warmth of the glass that had comforted you so much a few seconds ago suddenly burning your skin, "you guys can choose the music. It's Lix's idea anyway, it's only fair that he gets to decide."

"Are you sure?" asked Hyunjin, coming up to you, putting the back of his hand on your forehead, like a worried mother would do with her baby.

"Mm-hm" you held out the coffee cup, unable to hold it for much longer, for him to take, and made the mistake of looking at Felix before blurting out a "this is yours" directed at Hyunjin.

You cleared your throat, placing the straps of your totebag more comfortably over your shoulder, and muttered some sort of goodbye before turning and running away, not quite witnessing the way Felix had snatched the cup from Hyunjin to check its contents, and letting out a frustration-laden sigh as he realized what your train of thought had been.

The rest of the afternoon had not been very relevant. You had work to do, like everyone else, and you were also one of those people who wanted to get all your notes done before the Christmas vacations, so you used to spend all December writing again with better caligraphy all the topics you've learned throught the semester. You didn't want to collapse yet, you preferred to keep your head busy, trying to pretend that nothing had happened until you couldn't take any more. In any case, you had already entered that stage where you began to belittle your own thoughts, doubting that your response to the situation had been the right one.

Or, if you stopped to think about it long enough, you could almost see your insecurities swirling around your heart, suffocating you from inside your own chest. That's why you had immersed yourself in the most difficult subjects, praying that filling your head with information would empty it of stupid reasonings. And you had succeeded in your purpose, at least for as many hours as possible, until you heard your phone ring between the couch cushions and snapped out of your self-absorption to answer it.

"Yeah?" you mumbled, your mouth dry from having gone so long without speaking, not paying attention to who was calling you at that hour.

"Ynnie" you heard Felix say, his deep voice sending a shiver down your spine. "How are you?"

"How am I?" you repeated, clearing your throat and straightening your posture, as if he could see you and you had to play the role of carefree teenager. "Fine. Well, stressed about finals, but like everyone else, I guess, right?"

The laugh that escaped your lips without permission sounded too fake, and you closed your eyes, wincing, because you knew it wouldn't be believable. You obviously knew Felix wasn't an idiot. He'd probably realized you'd left for a compelling reason, and not exactly because you'd suddenly been struck by a migraine or a tummy ache. You considered lying and saying that you'd had your period the day before; he knew perfectly well that you had a really bad time the first few days. But it wasn't going to be worth it.

"You know that coffee..." he started to explain, his tone totally serious, as if he was telling you off.

"Stop" you interrupted him, standing up, your notebooks and papers strewn across the table, being ignored, as you paced around the room like a caged lion. "I don't want to talk about it, don't bring it up, please."

On the other end of the line, Felix made eye contact with Hyunjin, who was sitting next to him, listening to the whole conversation, and let out a long sigh, "Okay" he agreed, unable to force the conversation, "but remember what I told you, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever" you whispered, trying to avoid having to give an answer. "Did you call me to talk about that?"

"No, actually" he stated, and your lips curved into a sad smile at the emptiness you felt when you realized he had dropped the subject, just as you had asked. You didn't know if it was relief at not having to deal with the situation, or if you were hurt at how quickly he had given up, "It's about the music for the project."

"Do you guys have the song yet?"

"We need you to choose it," you had spoken practically at the same time, the silence that followed the cacophony of voices heavy on your shoulders, and Felix held his breath, waiting for an answer he didn't know if it would come.

"You can send me an audio of the options Jisung has, can't you?" you asked, hoping your friend wasn't asking what you knew he was going to ask.

"He has them on his laptop" he added, without actually explaining what he intended for you to do.

"Aren't you with him?" you frowned in a confused gesture, not understanding what was going through his head, "can't you ask him to put them on?"

"I'm at my place" he confessed, and you heard the movement of clothes as they brushed against each other, you guessed he had gotten up from wherever he was sitting, "Hyune and I came over after talking to Han because he had to meet his group from his AV Tech class. But he's going to stop by later, in case you wanted to come."

"Ah," you breathed, suddenly understanding. Probably what he wanted was for you to get out of your apartment, perhaps intending that you wouldn't be able to resist the pout on Hyunjin's face when you were told that the coffee scene had been a misunderstanding. You could agree to the former... The latter was more complicated.

"We can order your favorite pizza, and then you can stay over," he proposed, taking the risk that such insistence would push you away, "what do you say?"

You contemplated your options. You could use Seungmin, your roommate, as an excuse, but Felix was capable of texting him to confirm your alibi, and no one could resist Felix. Deep down, you knew you were going to end up going, but for a few seconds you allowed yourself to imagine what you could say to him to get him to leave you alone. You took a breath of air, leaning against the hallway wall, and closed your eyes tightly, trying not to think about how much you could come to regret your decision.

"But you have to promise me one thing," you announced, hearing Hyunjin's celebratory whispers on the other end of the line, "we don't talk about what happened this afternoon. Not today, not ever."

Felix snorted, against the idea, considering another way to approach the conversation to get you to stop thinking about it, but since he had shared with Hyunjin the plan he had developed while Han was showing them his music, and the boy was completely lacking in any kind of censure, he couldn't stop himself from exclaiming, "Okay! But you come!"

Felix heard you mutter a farewell before hanging up, and he stared at his friend with annoyance written all over his face. He knew that, although the way he had said it had sounded suspicious, Hyunjin had done it for everyone's sake, but he couldn't help but give him a murderous glare for not letting him have his way. The boy shrugged, unfazed by his antics, and rose from the bed, arching his eyebrow in his direction, ready to have the last word:

"I hope you time it right and this goes well."

When you arrived, fifteen minutes later, wrapped in a thick coat and one of your colorful scarves, but with your pajamas underneath, the pizzas had already arrived. You saw them on the kitchen counter, filling everything with a delicious aroma of bacon and cheese, when Felix opened the door with a smile. You lifted your backpack with a condescending grimace, implying that you had brought a change of clothes and your overnight kit, agreeing to spend the night in his apartment, and he let out a chuckle that almost managed to break the imperturbable facade with which you had decided to wear.

"Hyune is choosing film" he informed you, helping you take off your coat to hang it in the closet.

You tried to ignore the sting you felt in your chest at the memory of the circumstances under which you had said goodbye to Hyunjin, and promised yourself to make it up to him somehow. He didn't deserve to deal with your feelings like that, not when it wasn't his fault that your crush was onto him. So you headed straight for the small living room, where your friend took up the entire length of the couch thanks to his height, and you threw yourself on top him gently, letting him give you a hug as he chuckled awkwardly, his lungs taking in less air than they let out thanks to the extra weight of your body on top of his.

"What do you have in mind?" you asked him, looking at the television screen, and the endless possibilities the audiovisual platform offered.

"I haven't really chosen between Alice in Wonderland and Nightmare Before Christmas" he acknowledged, following your gaze, locating the second one he had mentioned in the bottom corner.

"Mmm, which of the Alice versions are we talking about?"

"The first one" he told you, "the live action one."

"Oh, put that one on, please" you asked, trying to adopt your best pleading face, pouting in the same way you had seen Felix do so many times. You watched as he erased what he had written on the browser and followed your instructions, while you basked in the warmth of the fabric of his hoodie against your cheek, and his arm across your back. You could have stayed there, half asleep, for the rest of the semester, for the rest of the year even, if it hadn't been for how loud the bell had been when it rang, Hyunjin straining underneath you.

"That must be Jisung" you surmised, getting up much to your dismay, "I'll go open the door."

Felix was too busy in the kitchen, hands full of brownie batter, so you walked down the hallway back to the front door, peeking through the peephole to make sure it was Han on the other side. But your breath caught as you recognized the features of the barista you'd seen just hours earlier at 5STAR. You opened your eyes wide, not knowing how to react, and peeked into the kitchen to ask Felix. To your surprise, he was already watching, confirming to you, as soon as you saw his apologetic smile, that this was all his doing.

You decided not to say a single word, and focus on calming your racing heart before facing an interaction with Chris again. The doorbell rang again, jolting you out of your self-absorption with a scare, and you hurried to unlock the door, opening it with a smile that you liked to think it was normal.

"Hello" you said to him, proud that your voice sounded more confident than you felt.

"Oh" he breathed, his surprised eyes roaming over your features, "hi." You saw him flash a beautiful smile, and raise his hand to wave at you, as if he were a little boy excited to meet a new friend. "The lovely girl from table 8."

"That's me" you replied, opening the door wider so he could come in, "thank you for inviting me to the chocolate, I don't know if the croissant was tasty or not because Hyunjin ate it, but I bet it was."

Mentioning your friend's name just to see how he reacted had been a pathetic move, but you hadn't been able to stop yourself. If you could turn back time you would have bitten your tongue, though, after watching his ears blush at your words, proving you right. You swallowed the knot in your throat when you heard his giggles, and he walked into the apartment, taking off his coat.

"I wouldn't say it's my best recipe, but thanks for the confidence" he commented to you, and you took his coat, just as Felix had done with you, to hang it in the closet. You tried not to make it too obvious the way you checked that he was still wearing his café uniform, the sleeves of the black t-shirt tracing his arms. "I'll have to let you try it on another time, then, so you can give me your opinion."

You gave him a strained smile, standing there in the middle of the hallway, and when you saw Hyunjin poke his head out the living room door to see what was going on, you indicated to Chris that Felix was in the kitchen by pointing him to the room, and seizing the opportunity when he went to greet his friend to return to Hyunjin, sitting with your back straight against the backrest, pulling your legs up until your knees were pulled up to your chest.

"You guys are a bunch of assholes" you whispered, staring at the TV screen, not really seeing anything.

"You know how Felix is" Hyunjin answered you, resting his head on your shoulder in an affectionate gesture.

"How am I going to...?"

"YN!" exclaimed Felix going to his room, "Take care of putting the brownies in the oven, please!"

"Oh, my God, I'm going to kill him" you muttered, closing your eyes tightly and dropping your head against the couch.

"Fighting" your friend said to you, giving you a sad smile and a small kiss on your cheek.

You let out a long sigh before getting up, and started to look for Felix around the part of the apartment where you thought his voice had come from, to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing. You guessed he was in the bathroom, the sound of running water audible from outside, and knocked on the door.

"Yes?"

"Lixie, you know I love you very much" you began, taking a breath to start to tell him off all the decisions he had made so far in his face.

"I know I'm not your favorite person right now, Ynnie," you heard him speak, his voice muffled by the water, so you assumed he was taking a shower, "but there was an incident with the chocolate and I stained everything. Chris is trying to fix it, but I needed to take a shower."

"How much time do I have to set the brownies for?" you asked, surrendering, your shoulders tensing at the thought. The sooner you accepted that you weren't going to get out of interacting with your crush and Hyunjin at the same time, the sooner the night would pass and the sooner you could get back to your normal life.

"I've already left the temperature on! It's only twenty minutes!" he exclaimed, "You're the best!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever" you muttered, retracing your path to the kitchen, only to find Chris rummaging through the cupboards. "What... what are you doing?"

The boy startled, jumping a little on the spot, and banging his forehead against the corner of the door, which made you choke back a scream and run to him, your hand pressing down over his in the area of the bump and you reacted with a startled "Are you okay? Oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" to his whine.

"It's okay, really" he answered you, fully flushed, suddenly aware of how close you were to him.

"No, no, it's not okay at all" you affirmed, taking a couple of steps backwards looking for the fridge with your eyes, only to bend down to grab some ice cubes from the freezer and wrap them in a clean cloth, approaching him again. You grabbed his wrist gently and removed his hand from his forehead, assessing the damage before resting the wrapped ices carefully over the bump. "You sure have a terrible impression of me."

"That's not true" he whispered, cracking a small smile, avoiding your gaze out of embarrassment.

"I'm terribly sorry, really" you repeated, unable to say anything else.

"It could have happened to anyone, don't worry."

"What were you doing, anyway?" you asked, your hands still busy, one with the ice and the other one with your fingers closed around his wrist. When you noticed, you tried to direct him to take the cloth himself.

"From what Felix explained to me, he was so nervous he must have mixed something wrong, and then I don't know how he did it but he ended up with half the batter all over his shirt and arms," he explained to you, leaning on the counter, "I was trying to find chocolate to make it better. I'm not the best pastry chef, but working in the café has taught me something."

You looked over to where the bowl Felix had used was, and saw next to it the mixer you had bought him for his birthday, a few drops of mixture on the surface and more on the floor.

"It was his first time using that mixer" you assumed, trying to stifle a chuckle, "I'm sure he miscalculated the power and it blew all over."

The laughter Chris let out was music to your ears, and when you turned to look at him you realized how close you were to him. There were barely inches between you, and your legs were practically intertwined. You cleared your throat, parting slightly, and made eye contact with him, letting yourself be absorbed by his tiny brown eyes, which matched his dimples, narrowed into two crescent moons.

"There's no more chocolate, by the way" he told you, remembering why you were in that situation.

"I can go out and buy more" you solved, fully intending to go grab your wallet and leave, realizing how whipped you were for him.

"No way, it's my thing, I should go" he rebutted, massaging his forehead from time to time.

"You're hurt" you pointed out, looking for more reasonings, "you're not going to beat me if you pick a fight with me over this".

"Oh, believe me I am" he replied, leaving the ice cubes on the counter and heading for the hallway, "you do what you want but I'm going to get dessert somewhere."

"Then you're not going alone."

You left him looking for his coat in the closet as you went to tell Hyunjin what you were going to do, your friend still lying on the couch scrolling through his phone, probably on TikTok. His face was the mirror of pure surprise and disbelief, before he grinned mischievously. You rolled your eyes and turned your back on him, leaving him there and grabbing your own phone on the way, meeting Chris in front of the door. He had your coat in his hands, and helped you put it on. You then made sure you had your spare keys in your pocket and walked out of the apartment.

"Not to put you down, but... you are aware that you're in your pajamas, right?" asked Chris, his ears blushing as he realized it, slyly tracing the curves of your hips.

"Yeah, it's okay," you said, oblivious, making a nonchalant gesture, "it's not the first time I've done this."

"Where do you plan to go?" you heard him coming down the stairs behind you.

"There's a bakery a couple of blocks from here that closes pretty late, so we'll get there on time" you explained, leading him out of the building.

"So it really isn't the first time you do this" he confirmed, a soft giggle escaping his lips.

"Yeah, it's pretty fun" you said, remembering all the times you'd done it, more than once with your friends, rain or shine, "it's closer to Hyunjin's house, so we usually go from there, but yeah."

"Oh, you guys seem pretty close" he commented.

You tried not to let your wince show, not understanding why you always ended up mentioning the dancer in your conversations with Chris. The time was approaching when he would start asking you questions about Hyunjin to find out more about him, and you didn't know if you would be able to handle it.

"Yes, we have been together for a long time" you confirmed, trying to reveal as little information as possible, "he is someone very dear to me".

"Whenever I see you you're with him" he continued, his shoulder brushing next to yours, "at the café, I mean".

"He's the one in charge of ordering the chocolate for me" you confessed, changing the subject. "You make great chocolate, by the way. I couldn't tell you today, you dropped it off and left."

"You were so focused I didn't want to disturb you" he acknowledged, letting out a soft laugh.

"I guessed as much" you affirmed, noticing the streets you were passing instead of glancing sideways at him, as you were dying to do, "I also noticed the napkin."

"The nap...? Oh!"

"Yeah, oh," you repeated, your laughter awakening butterflies in his stomach, "people don't usually flirt with me like that."

"Fli- ehem, flirt?" he stammered, his face suddenly red with shyness. He hadn't expected you to be so direct with the subject.

"Well, not flirting," you corrected yourself, realizing your mistake, "but you have a lot of rizz."

"You're not the first one to tell me that" he nodded, clearing his throat, "my sister calls me Chrizztopher to mess with me."

"I like your sister, then" you acknowledged, reordering your thoughts to figure out how to phrase your question, and find out finally if you were going crazy or you were just insecure, "but... well, not that I'm complaining, but you still shouldn't waste it on me."

"Waste it? On you?" the conversation was losing all meaning to him, his brow furrowing more and more in confusion.

"Yeah, you know" you tried to explain, trying not sounding as bad as you felt, "focus it all on the person you like, instead of random girls."

"But... I'm already doing that" he protested, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, halting your walk, "the chocolate...".

"The hot chocolate was nice of you, but I'm talking about Hyunjin."

"What the hell does Hyunjin have to do with you?" he exclaimed, incredulous.

"With me?" you asked, your heart stopping at the possibility his words were offering you. "But... the message in the coffee, wasn't it for Hyunjin?"

"What message?" you were looking into each other's eyes, for the first time without any shyness on either side, both trying to understand each other.

"The message on the coffee cup that said you thought Hyunjin was cute" you replied, shoving your hands in your coat pockets, fiddling with your phone case to calm your nerves. "The one with you phone number".

"Did I write the message on the wrong cup?" he lamented, unable to believe his bad luck.

"The wrong cup?" you repeated, unable to process what was happening.

"I've had a crush on you since you first walked into the café" he stated, deciding to tell his biggest secret just so he could make it clear what was going on.

"What?"

"I... Yeah, there's not much more to say" his nervous laugh snapped you out of your shock, blinking to look at him again, this time with a clearer mind. "There's not a thing about you I don't like."

The silence that settled between you, you running your eyes over his features, your heart pounding, him not knowing if it would be a good idea to approach you, or if you needed space at that moment, waiting with his breath caught in his throat, not knowing if his feelings were reciprocated or not. You raised one of your hands, rubbing your forehead, unsure of how to interact after his confession. You decided to clear your throat and let the words flow, after all, even if you made a fool of yourself, it couldn't get any worse.

"Me too" you paused, still hearing your heart thudding in your chest, and then continued, "I have a crush, I mean. On you, yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" you confirmed, more at ease, moving closer to him.

Chris took the initiative and intertwined one of his hands with one of yours, looking at you softly and warmly, his smile provoking the same reactions from you as before, but now with the reassurance of knowing you weren't the only one who felt this way.

"What do you recommend from the bakery then?" he asked, taking you by the waist to continue walking beside you, both of you embracing each other.

And before you even answered you knew you would buy anything he asked for, even if you didn't like it, even if he didn't verbalize his desire to buy it. Only because you were as head over heels for him, as he was for you.

☆ series masterlist !!

taglist: @sseastar-main · @queen-in-the-shadows · @anaiii27 · @hanstarrs · @starsandrqindrops · @ivaneedssleep · @bbokari711 permanent taglist: @feybin · @jazziwritesthings · @rylea08 · @lixielovesme · @starlostastronaut · @lvlnijiro · @adestayskz · @manuosorioh · @nappynapnaps · @kpopmenace143 · @skzms · @ylixbok

(if you want to be on the tagist, use the link, send an ask or comment. if you want to change in which taglist to be, send an ask or a comment. if you don't want to be on the taglist, send an ask or a comment ^^)

#☆ㅤchris recs!!#about: i wanna be yours #☆ㅤ🪐 writings #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids angst #bangchan x reader #bangchan fluff #bangchan angst #i swear is not thaat angsty

394 notes · View notes

txttletale · 6 months

Note

healed ive been doing some very basic communist readings lately and. how do you cope with the fact that none of it seems particularly possible. how do you manage to put any of this theory into practice when the only two parties out there seem to be the We’re Basically Demsocs Party and the Sexual Abuse League. how do you not let it crush you and what ways have you found to like… manifest these ideas in your life? i guess one could say i was “radicalized” by recent events but having done basic reading (just beginner Lenin and Marx) has made me feel so much more hopeless. there’s no vanguard party and i don’t see what I can actually tangibly do to help proliferate communism. and it’s making me feel guilty for living my life, too, for doing things that I find fun and beautiful and enjoyable - there’s just the guilt of “this is a time-waster, this is brainwashing you”. do you have any assurance at all

so obviously the role of a marxist-leninist in a revolutionary situation (ie, one in which the conditions are revolutionary, in which the current bourgeois state is no longer tenable) is to be in a vanguard party at the head of the organized working class. but these things don't appear from nowhere--i think it follows that if you are in much of the world, where a revolutionary situation is not imminent in any forseeable near future, then the role of a communist is to help organize the working class and raise class consciousness through class struggle so that when such a situation presents itself the working class is both radical and organized, or capable of becoming such in short order.

that means that working within non-party organizations (unions, activist and mutual aid groups, grassroots campaigns) with the intent of learning the tactics of organization and radicalising the people around you is a meaningful participation in the class struggle. as much as i say 'get organized' and believe that a proletarian party is the best and most powerful vehicle for revolutionary action, that latter belief is of course to be taken and adapted for the situation.

do not be hopeless because you have read lenin--instead, be aware that when lenin was writing much of what he wrote, the situation of socialist parties across europe was dire. criminalized, divided just as they are now, replete with the exact kind of reformists you're complaining about (as well as adventurists). what lenin wrote about was not just a theoretical ideal party that did exist in his time, but instead the blueprints for the party he had a hand in creating. realize that lenin genuinely believed during periods that he would not see revolution during his lifetime.

organize with whoever you can, in whatever arena you can, and participate in the class struggle. develop the skills and understanding of the methods of struggle, even if trade unionism or climate activism alone are not sufficient vectors by which the contradictions of capitalism can be resolved, they are avenues by which your class consciousness and that of those around you can be honed and sharpened. find the most radical body around you and join yourself to their struggle--a vanguard party should emerge from the struggles of the working class, it should be an organization that serves as a vessel for effective action. you do not have to tie yourself to the decaying and rotting shambling zombie parties of the 20th century to participate in the class struggle--we as communists owe these organs no loyalty if they are not equipped for the realities of class struggle.

i'm lucky in that there is a small but dedicated group of marxist-leninists i have been able to join up with and work with. if that's not the case for you, conduct the struggle within anarchist collectives or trade unions or solidarity campaigns, while always keeping your true goal in mind. the class struggle unfolds across a multitude of arenas--as long as there's someone you can organize alongside on something, you are not powerless in your capacity as a revolutionary communist. good luck, comrade.

#ask

202 notes · View notes

overthinkinglotr · 1 year

Text

People keep insulting the Amazon Lord of the Rings show by comparing it to fanfiction when really it's the EXACT opposite of fanfiction! It's so interesting/awful because it's like the ultimate ANTI-fanfiction! I was talking to someone the other day and wasn't aware that lots of people don't know about the insane complicated rights issues happening behind the scenes of the Amazon Show but it's wild. To give a quick summary of the Battle of the Five Rights Issues, as I currently understand it: 1. Amazon only has the rights to make a show about the pre-LOTR era as described in the Lord of the Rings books-- primarily in the appendices of Return the King, where a handful of pages give a brief timeline of some events that happened before the stories. In practice this means they are unable to use nearly all of the characters, places, and events people are familiar with when they think about Middle Earth. They have to make up everything out of whole cloth-- from characters to events to settings. This is either because of timeline reasons or for legal reasons or for both. Whenever they do manage to scrounge up the rights to something you might even vaguely remember (like Mithril) they announce it with enormous fanfare like they're a marvel movie introducing an avenger.

(Parenthetical: Another weird thing I noticed is that the series features practically zero quotes from Tolkien. I only counted about like 4 lines that were edited versions of lines from the books? While this is just a wild tinfoil hat theory, It does feel to me like there might've been some kind of limitation on the amount of Tolkien's words they were allowed to use, as well as the obvious limitations on characters and plot points and etc. The show has the rights to so few things and always REALLY wants you to know when it has the rights to something. It's desperate to remind you of the original books. You would think that, when it's unable to rely on familiar characters or places or events or plot points or music or etc, they would rely instead on Tolkien's really recognizable prose/poetry/language to form an emotional connection to the original stories. After all, language is the heart of Middle Earth, the author's love of language is the reason the world was created, and the unique prose of the story is kinda the soul of why it's memorable. And again, they theoretically have the rights to everything mentioned in the original trilogy right? Theoretically? So it's really odd that they don't use almost any of the language, unlike basically every other adaptation. It might just be a weird writing decision, but it's so strange that it really makes me feel like they were limited or at least dissuaded from including lines from the books.)

2. Amazon is legally Not Allowed to feature things that were mentioned in the Unfinished Tales or the Silmarillion, despite the fact that those are the books that contain most of the stuff about the era they're theoretically adapting. This leads to a bunch of really weird stuff where they introduce things you'd only care about if you read the Silmarillion, but can't include any of the things that would actually make you care about it. Like people who Aren't deep into the lore have literally zero emotional investment in Celebrimbor, but people who ARE deep into the lore know that you can't reference any of the reasons they care about it. 3. Amazon's series is NOT part of the same canon as the Peter Jackson/New Line Cinema films. They're not. However they obviously want to trick people into thinking they are because those movies are popular and a prequel to them would make money even if it sucked (see the Hobbit films.) But again, New Line Cinema still wants to make its own LOTR content based on the slivers of rights they've managed to grab onto, and don't want Amazon to step on their toes. So IIRC Amazon actually made a deal with New Line Cinema that they were allowed to imitate their movie franchise's aesthetic (to keep the brand popular and in the public eye)........ BUT if New Line Cinema ever felt like Amazon was infringing too much on their territory, they could step in and stop it. So the show just sorta looks and sounds like a bland knockoff of the New Line films, because that's all they're legally allowed to be XD. Like they're supposed to look/sound just enough like them to trick you, but they're not legally allowed to include the specific things from the PJ films that would actually make you feel nostalgic for them (like the famous musical leitmotifs.) 4. Part of the deal was that the Tolkien Estate could step in and change anything in the show if they felt it wasn't true to the lore-- which is ridiculous because again, Amazon basically doesn't own the rights to any of the lore so they're just making stuff up anyway. From what I can tell it seems like this basically means the Tolkien Estate can arbitrarily veto any creative decisions based on whatever they've decided “Tolkien would've wanted,” which obviously limits what Amazon is able to do (and likely prevents them from actually criticizing the awful problematic elements of Tolkien's worldbuilding)

5. Ok I don't have a fifth one. SO BASICALLY: Yes, the Amazon series is about a bunch of original characters in almost completely original settings featuring original events and original plot points that (for the most part) doesn't even include any of Tolkien's actual words, and also isn't affiliated with and doesn't include the recognizable things like musical motifs from the New Line Cinema films. But that doesn't make it fanfic. Because fanfiction is when you take another's person's characters and stories and write your own weird personal take on them, even if you don't legally own it. Who legally owns the copyright is irrelevant in fanfiction. Fanfic it's about writing a story with the characters and world you love, about transforming a story you're passionate about even if you don't legally own the rights. Amazon Rings of Power is what happens when an entire show is completely written around what you legally own the rights to. Every aspect of it only exists as an elaborate tap dance around copyright infringement. Again, I think the Amazon series is more interesting as "a study of how corporations/megafranchises can do massive harm and also weaken our ability to create good art" than it is as a tv show, alskdjfsdlf.

If fanfiction is "writing something you love regardless of whether you own the rights" then Rings of Power is "writing whatever fits within the extremely narrow box of the rights you happen to own." And that makes it....a very strange thing to exist! It’s kinda a shining example of how giant media monopolies and copyright laws designed to benefit them end up hamstringing everyone’s ability to create meaningful art, even the corporations themselves.

#anti rop #amazon #lotr #the was written under incoherent cold brain don’t @ me

1K notes · View notes

hotheadedhero · 2 months

Text

In Unrequited Love

Love and relationships can't be forced but sometimes they can be built on common ground and an understanding of one another's tribulations.

Part 2 here

Donatello x Reader

Having a crush on someone sucks. Having a crush on someone who has eyes for someone else sucks even more. This is the sad truth of your current circumstances. You knew that high school would come with its challenges but you weren’t prepared for the fact that you’d fall for the careless, hockey-loving maniac from your math class. It began with a casual friendship before feelings deepened on your end. Feelings that wouldn’t seem so terrible were it not for April O’Neil. You have absolutely nothing against the girl but it’s clear as day that she unfortunately has Casey’s heart in her stronghold. It’s not like you could even vent these frustrations, given that the only friends you have happen to be those two people.

Then, through some shenanigans that seem like the norm for you now, you meet four turtle brothers - one of whom is in the same boat as you. Not to mention, between the very two friends in question. Were it not heartbreaking to witness each other trying your hardest to grab the attention of your crushes, you’d find some humour in this.

You tried hanging out with Raphael more in an attempt to get in close quarters with Casey, seeing as they’re practically tied at the hip, only for you to realise that the rough-and-tumble environment isn’t your strong suit. That’s when they both suggested you try your hand at assisting Donatello in his laboratory given your aptitude for the sciences. What they failed to realise is that you do well in class but that doesn’t inherently mean you enjoy it. Theoretical sciences and learning about how things work are interesting but there aren’t enough practical applications that allow you to engage in the school environment. The closest you’ve gotten to having fun was when you made “elephant toothpaste” for a chemistry lesson but that’s about it.

Nonetheless, you see no harm in passing by the lab and giving the brainiac brothers a visit. Other than your not-so-subtle pining towards the other humans in the group, nothing has been outwardly mentioned about the situation you are both in. Neither of you has hung out enough to have that conversation. It wouldn’t be weird to talk about it, would it? A query that shall not yet receive an answer seeing as you’ve already knocked on the large, metal door. You walk through the open garage to see a couple of legs poking out from under the battle shell.

“Huh? Oh! (Y/n), sorry- Ow!” He slides out from beneath the vehicle and rubs the fresh bruise forming on his head. “Sorry, I’m a little busy, right now. I think Leo is watching Space Heroes if you’re looking for someone to hang out with, though.”

“Actually, I came by to see if you needed any help,” you offer, holding your hands behind your back respectfully whilst also trying not to laugh.

His eyes widen, having not expected such a proposal, and he’s quick to scramble to his feet. “Oh, okay! Let’s see- uh… how are you with engine repairs?”

“Depends.” Your tongue clicks contemplatively. “Is it gas, electric, or hybrid?”

“That already tells me you know more than enough,” he chuckles. “Here, I’ll show you.”

He opens the hood of the van to reveal the ensemble of burnt-out parts and overworked mechanisms. The guys’ last mission must have been intense because this engine is almost in complete disarray. Were it not for the fact that your Uncle is a mechanic, you’d be sweating under the pressure of somehow ruining this heap of metal more than it already is. A probability still if you want to jinx your person but that’s getting ahead of yourself.

Donatello gestures towards a box of spare parts and holds the back of his neck. “These just need to be taken out and replaced. It’s probably the easiest of what needs doing but I also need to finish rewiring the brakes, check the throttle calibration, replenish the weapons ammunition-”

“You need an extra set of hands to get it done quicker,” you cut him off with a smile. “I’ll see what I can do.”

He bares a gap-toothed smile in response and nods before resuming his initial position beneath the vehicle to finish the brake wiring. This leaves you to begin on your assigned job. For starters, you’re glad that this is a case of piecemeal repair rather than a complete engine rebuild. You’d be out of your depth were that the case. You start by pulling the entire engine out via a hoist, assisted by a load levelling bar so that it doesn’t tilt at a funny angle. Then, you secure it onto a stand and glance over what you’re working with. The crankshaft, piston ring compressor, oil filter, and fan need the most attention, so you start with those first. Just to save the disturbance, you look into a few tutorials on your phone to make sure you’re doing it correctly.

During this entire time, the two of you work on separate parts of the battle shell in silence, seemingly content with your tasks. By now, Donnie has moved on to tightening the wheels’ lug holes. Admittedly, you had been concerned about a lack of things to talk about but this is a nice settlement. It’s certainly the most relaxed you’ve felt in a while; something to keep you distracted from the quelling of your hopeless romantic attraction. Plus, you have this sense of relief from finally being able to work on something with your hands rather than straining your brain over textbooks and pop quizzes.

"Question,” he starts abruptly, keeping his eyes on the centre cap of the wheel. “What’s it you like so much about that cave mouth?"

First, you blink quickly to yourself, having not expected to get into the nitty gritty of it so soon. So much for being distracted but you can’t be mad. Curiosity isn’t something to be berated. Then, you find yourself snickering at the mildly degrading nickname. The question may appear brash but he’s puzzled by why April seems to like Casey so much. Hearing it from you might give him the insight he needs to turn the odds in his favour. He’ll take anything at this point.

"I dunno. There's just this air to him that I like. He's an ass, I am well aware of that, but he's fun, you know?” you admit awkwardly. “Psh! Don't ask me to explain it. You can't really put that stuff into words." You squint down at him, lips poised mockingly. "What is it you like about April so much?"

He halts his own task and glances down at his hands, cheeks reddening as he thinks about the girl of his dreams. "She just... had my heart from the first moment I saw her."

"Wow. The first girl you ever see in your life and it's just like that.” Yes, that bit of information is known thanks to our dear Raphael. “'Pretty shallow to fall in love with someone based on looks if you ask me."

"You would know,” he scoffs sarcastically.

"Now you're calling Casey ugly?” you ask, both playful and moderately offended on your crush’s behalf. “Man, you really don't like him."

"I’m sure the same goes for you with April!"

"Hey! I don't stoop so low into my dissatisfaction of the circumstances to insult her." A wry grin then beckons your lips. "Although~"

"Whatever you think you're going to say, don't."

The staring match doesn't last long, breaking beneath a shared laugh; fond and unwilted by the ache in your hearts, which has been forgotten for a split moment to enjoy each other's company.

From that point on, that’s precisely what you did. More often than not, you found yourself in the confines of his garage, assisting him with the occasional doohickey and thingymabob. Even if there wasn’t much you could help with, you wound up being a decent lab partner in any case. In turn, he would offer to help you with your homework if you had any particularly difficult assignments. Your grades have never looked so good. When neither of you were doing that, you’d simply hang out and rant about little annoyances with your unreciprocated infatuations.

“I mean, I try some jokes here and there but nothing seems to land,” he concedes begrudgingly, throwing his body weight into the back of his chair.

“Can I hear one?” you inquire as you gently swing around in your own seat.

His lips press together and he mulls it over before sighing, “Okay, so, you remember how I told you about Metal Head?” You nod, to which he continues, “Well, the first time I took him out for a spin, we were on watch duty together. That’s when I asked her if she likes metal.”

He groans to himself as he replays the memory in his head, only now realising how corny that must have sounded at the time. However, you laugh and not the heckling kind either. Your head tilts back into your chair, knees lifting to compensate for the tension in your shaking stomach. How could April have not loved something as precious as that? The girl must be crazy because that would have worked on you in a heartbeat.

“You should’ve asked if her favourite dance move is the robot,” you say in between laughs. “No, wait, wait! I got a better one! Ask her out to the circuits for a date!”

Donatello can only smile at your self-induced amusement, happy that there’s an appreciation for nerdy pickup lines and puns. They may not work on his crush - and his brothers sure don’t find them that funny - but he’s glad at least one person around here gets it.

It felt good to know that you had a friend you could be closer to because of your mutual understanding. For the first time since you realised your feelings for your schoolmate, you didn’t feel so alone. This bond formed on cluttered affection may have seemed unlikely to begin with but who are you to complain now? You and Donnie have a good thing going given your positions.

That is until your heart diverts its attention towards the very turtle.

You came to the realisation when he expressed his excitement in showing you his newest invention. The fact that he had called upon you first made you feel special. It made you feel wanted and desired for the first time in your life. A seemingly small phenomenon given how he merely wanted to showcase something to you but the way it had tugged your heart was unparalleled to anything else you had ever experienced - and that smile. You could have happily fawned over that proud grin of proclaimed accomplishment and self-justified pride for the rest of that day. Then, it all came crashing down on you like heaps of scrap in a junkyard. You have fallen for someone who is in love with April. Again. Are you just doomed to fall for any man that crushes this girl? This must be some sick joke. One that you don’t find yourself laughing at.

It eats away at you for the days - weeks - to come. You can’t console anyone on the matter, either. If any of his family catches wind, there’s a chance of him finding out. An outcome you wish to avoid if possible. As for Casey and April, dear lord you don’t even want to know what would happen if you told them. You’re at square one again just as before: crushing on someone who will never feel the same way about you. Rotting in a pool of your self-made disillusion.

Alone.

Having a crush on someone sucks.

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #donatello #donatello hamato #donatello 2012 #donatello x reader #x reader #donnie tmnt #2012 donnie

98 notes · View notes