#tldr if i 'ignore' advice you KNOW is right. just know. you may still be right im just stubborn at the DUMBEST times and also | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dreamyaqua · 2 years

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hello this is quite long but i'm concerned about my safety, i'd appreciate it if you could give me insight about what i can do and any indications if i were to send my birth data.

as far as i know my scorpio rising & saturn in the 9th house is at play here.. came to visit some relatives and yesterday morning i decided to take a walk at the beach. this man stopped me and started a conversation with me even though i tried walking away. normally i would ignore him but sometimes you gotta not be rude and just smile and nod until they leave you since you don't know what they're capable of & you're pretty much cornered. he said he was working close by. i told him i was 16 but he still proceeded to call me beautiful 20 time. he asked if i smoked and asked if i wanted a cigarette. i said no to both. asked for my number. i didn't give it to him. he insisted for a couple minutes. eventually i got up and lit a cigarette a bit further away. then i literally saw him staring at me from a distance. i immediately got up and continued smoking somewhere else, when i was finished i saw him coming to my direction. mind you there's no other place to walk in the area. later that day i saw the man again but just walked away fast. when i came home out of the blue my aunt asked if i had anybody bothering me and told me a story about the time she got stalked at a park. today as i was leaving my other aunt told me to be careful about the people working by the beach. as if the universe tried warning me twice. and yet again i saw the man a while ago but am much further away now as i'm typing this.

tldr: i got me a creep and need to know if there's any indications in my chart through transits etc. and possibly if anything i can do.

Hi there! First of all I want to say I'm really sorry to hear you've had to go through these scary experiences with this creep! 😣

Although I do think there's certain placements to look at when it comes to situations like these, I don't think there's much astrology can do about this... honestly, I'd advise you to tell someone you trust about this creepy man. May it be your aunts, or someone else in your family who can help you and keep you safe. If you believe you are in danger, you may want to call local authorities/the police and see whether you can get help there - even better if you can do this together with a family member who can help you with this. I'm definitely not against looking towards astrology in situations like this but if you really are in danger, astrology won't be of much help. So, I hope there's someone you can go to, I really wouldn't keep this information to myself. And maybe you could get something like a pepper spray to carry around with, just in case? It's always better to at least have something you could use to protect yourself with and escape. Please, please, stay safe and hopefully this creep will finally leave you alone!! 😣🙏🏻

I'll still list the things I know/have found out here, though. But I also have to say that I don't think my knowledge of the matter goes deep enough yet for something serious like this and I honestly don't know whether there's something from an astrological perspective that you could do... the best thing might be to just be aware of these energies and stay vigilant and safe. (But if there's any astrologer stumbling over this post and has some advice, please feel free to add on!!)

I think an indicator here could be Scorpio placements, a strong Pluto influence (perhaps 8th house as well), and especially harsh aspects between venus and Pluto. The Scorpio/Pluto energy has the potential to attract obsessive/possessive people and in a harsh aspect to venus, this could get ugly. So you're right, your Scorpio rising may very well play a part in this.

Something else I found is Uranus in the 7th house and/or conjunct the descendant. I'm honestly not sure about this one but since Uranus is involved, there's a tendency of attracting "weirdos", I guess. Uranus is currently in Taurus and therefore transiting your 7th house, so this might be another indicator.

Furthermore, I found something about Pisces/Neptune/12th house placements. The Pisces influence can easily be taken advantage of by others and so, people with a strong Piscean influence may need to be vigilant about creeps (or anyone for that matter) who doesn't respect their boundaries and privacy.

And a last indicator I think has an influence on this is having a dominant black moon lilith in your chart (meaning, lilith forming strong aspects to your sun/rising especially but other important/dominant placements).

I hope something here was of help and again, please stay safe!!🥺🙏🏻

#I have all of these placements and really attract a lot of creeps and also had a stalker for a while #i honestly don't know what to do about it #i just always try to stay vigilant carry pepper spray and make sure i don't walk around alone when it's dark #astrology #astro asks #pluto #scorpio #pisces #neptune #lilith #uranus

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 9 months

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advice/vent

For background I'm sharing a small apartment with an older sibling who basically hated me up until I was 18 and we both had to leave an abusive house together, since it was easier to afford with both incomes combined. Things used to be okay around that time but after I was hospitalised due to mental health issues and being assaulted they've sort of began to hate me again.

They never talk to me and practically ignore my existence except when we have to talk about bills or my parents, I feel super lonely and suicidal every time I come home from work. Practically 60 percent of my money goes to them and I understand it's just a part of life yet it's like I'm a slave to their negativity and I feel too stuck to even help myself.

I've been considering saving up to move out when the lease ends even if I'm broke but anytime I mention us renting separately they freak out and cry about how much harder I'll be making things for them and ignore any of my concerns then just giving me silent treatment, almost guilt tripping me I guess? Like moving out would be hard on me too in every way but not as hard as living like this another year. It seems so unfair to share a space with someone, where they don't even allow you to feel welcome in. I don't know anyone else who's been in the same situation or similar before it's just beyond isolating and I'm tired.

So tldr I'm asking for any advice on how to leave behind a toxic family member who won't change or respect you even though you were both abused and sort of survived it together?

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you're in. It's not easy to navigate leaving a toxic family member, and so the answer unfortunately isn't clear or simple. Please know that you are seen and heard, and you do not deserve to be treated this way.

I think it's worth examining the fact that they take more than half of your money. Financial abuse is using finances as a means to assert power or control over another person. Things like taking control of someone else's finances, controlling how all the income is spent, and withholding your money can be considered financial abuse.

It sounds like your sibling is self-centered and doesn't consider your needs. It's important to focus on what you need to do to feel safe and happy, and not what would be most convenient for your sibling. You do not deserve to be taken advantage of, guilt tripped, and given the silent treatment.

Since it seems like your sibling isn't receptive to having a conversation about how this situation is impacting your health and safety, it may be worth just not telling your sibling about your plans, and perhaps not communicating with them at all if they continue to behave this way towards you. While I don't have any specific advice, the first step might be to try and save up some money, and look into other places you could live.

I recognize this may not be an option for you right now, but if you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you process your relationship with your sibling and come up with a strategy to leave. If you are comfortable, this may also be a situation worth bringing to the attention of the authorities, as they can potentially help escort you to a safe place to stay for a while.

Although these resources pertain more to intimate relationships, their tips can still apply to your situation - here is a guide to leaving an abusive relationship, and here are some other recommendations.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw financial abuse #tw emotional abuse

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akari-hope · 3 years

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how would someone deal w a problematic hyperfixation? like harry potter for example? /srs

that's a good question! obv this is a pretty layered conversation, and this depends on the particular hyperfixation, but for the sake of being able to discuss at least somewhat how far this all goes, i'll focus on the example you gave.

quick note before i go into it though: EVERYTHING is problematic in some way. this is truly just a fact of life, and part of why this is such a difficult conversation to have. you're genuinely never going to find a piece of media that is without problems in one way or another. the difference is the degree of problems, and scope. so keep in mind from the start that i'm not going to take a "everything that's problematic needs to be thrown out" stance, bc that's just not realistic and we'd be left with nothing.

harry potter is a unique beast bc of joanne's transphobia and not inconsiderable money and power that she uses to lobby for it. it's not like enjoying works by lovecraft, who of course held many bigoted views but is now long dead. buying a lovecraft book does not directly provide monetary support to the bigotry. on the other hand, buying a harry potter book does. and even things that may not have a financial boon for joanne are still aiding to the popularity of the franchise, still aiding the platform she uses for her bigotry.

at the same time, it's impossible to say that people cannot have an emotional attachment to her work. ignoring the myriad of problematic elements for a moment (bc wow there really are a lot), joanne fundamentally wrote a story about a boy who was an outcast, who was unloved by the family he had, who didn't fit in, and found solace in others who were like him, just as weird and strange. it's impossible to ignore that, even if it was not intentional coding, that sort of story through a queer lens reads incredibly authentic and meaningful to the experiences of many queer people. i know many trans people in particular who found meaning in those books, and it's been a struggle for them to grapple with joanne's vocal hatred of them after feeling for years that maybe she understood, was an ally.

so it's already a bit of a moral conundrum. you can't support harry potter somehow without at least indirectly supporting joanne's transphobic lobbying. and the more you hear her speak about her bigoted views, the more you realize how much of that is in the books. and then you also run into the problem of your brain being latched onto it, unwilling to let go. it's genuinely a shitty situation.

now everyone can come to different conclusions about what is the "correct" course of action here. some people think that loudly enjoying harry potter with the addendum of "everyone is trans" is sufficient, death of the author as it were (quick note that isn't what death of the author means, but that is the claim people make). some people say you have to throw the whole thing out, become vocally against everything in it. some people say you have to enjoy within reason: don't buy merch but you can still read the books/watch the movies/etc., just pirate and you're all good.

and tbh i'm not going to tell anyone what's "right", bc this is a moral dilemma. not everyone's morals are going to align with mine. but if you're like me and joanne's views upset you too much, if the issues in the books are a little too uncomfortable to look past, if the idea that you might be funding hatred against your own group, against friends, against those you love keeps you up at night - it's definitely time to try and move on from it.

so, if you've settled on that course of action, what do you do? first off, you gradually limit your exposure. if you run a specific themed blog, write fanfic, draw fanart etc., those are the easiest things to start cutting out (mind you, you don't have to cut it out completely from the get go! maybe you write/draw but don't post as an example). if you desperately need to, reading/watching on physical media you already own is okay, or pirating instead. gradually weaning off is the key. eventually as you stop, the hyperfixation DOES begin to alleviate.

and again, this is only for this VERY particular piece of media under this very particular circumstance. were we in a lovecraft situation, where yes there's problems with the text but the man is dead and you're not funding bigotry, we truly wouldn't need to HAVE this conversation. my advice there would just be to consume responsibly and acknowledge the problems without making excuses for them. and to be clear, when the thing in question is not causing direct harm, that IS my advice. bc it bears repeating: everything is problematic in some way, and everyone is going to have a different threshold for what is a workable amount.

but when you have things like harry potter where you're funding transphobic policy, or attack on titan which is straight up japanese nationalist propaganda that can and has caused harm to real life people, this is when the conversation shifts less from "the media is problematic" to "this is actually affecting real life people". which...again, part of the reason this is such a layered conversation. honestly even with as long as i've rambled here about it, i've still barely scratched the surface of it all.

tldr: if your support/consumption of a particular piece of media is concretely (as in there is significant evidence and actual easy to identify examples of this) causing harm to real life people, it's time to consider weaning off of it by gradually limiting consumption, and not providing monetary support. if your support/consumption of a particular piece of media is NOT concretely causing harm to real life people and merely has problematic elements, acknowledgment of said elements and critical thinking is sufficient.

#anon #long post #god i hope this all makes sense. bc like. this is GENUINELY a tough conversation to have.#bc again there's just so much to everything

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koutawoo · 3 years

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how do you not get overwhelmed by so many requests? i used to love to write, but i feel like there's so much anxiety behind it now.. i've been told to do what i want, but i really miss writing🥺👉👈

any advice on how to start kickin' it again?

i wrote way too much omg

MA’AM, the last time i opened my requests were late july, and i added like 40-50 requests to my list, and 8 months later, i still have 35 requests left on that list and a bunch of accumulating request asks in my inbox even though i’m not accepting any requests

at first, i was overwhelmed bc i was a people-pleaser type of person (esp on tumblr) and just thinking about the requests and how i haven’t done any made me rlly anxious to the point that i didn’t want to open my inbox at all bc i was scared that someone was gonna tell me to hurry tf up!

and i was still semi-active late 2020 but completely killed my presence up till now LOL so i haven’t done anything. during that time, i just made things that i liked and posted them so i was happy even though i had a requests list looming behind me, and honestly, requests take a lot of time, even if it’s something u don’t have to think about (in my case, i just need to find pretty pics and cut them, right) bc it’s likely to be something that doesn’t make u genuinely happy to make and that’s just mentally exhausting in itself

when u think about it, ur doing this without monetary profit etc—it’s just a hobby. while it may upset people who made requests, it’s still, just a hobby. put ur health and ur irl activities first and foremost. i was—and am—swamped by my academics and i certainly was not going to risk failing my courses just bc i felt obligated to spend hours on requests that won’t benefit me in the long run in terms of career and whatnot.

i don’t know man, tldr; put urself first before others.

i popped on a couple of times to say that i wasn’t accepting requests and i also have it listed in my navigation/request rules, but i still received requests, and this may be considered rude but i’ve learned to ignore the requests. but tbh, it’s also rude to not check if someone’s accepting requests or not LOL but it can’t be helped. i’ll take some recent requests from my inbox only if it’s something i’m interested in doing :3

and i get what u mean!! taking requests definitely killed my drive—diminishing returns on my happiness. internal motivation > external motivation!!

also, i don’t feel as guilty bc a lot of ppl told me to take my time, even if it took me three months LOL (it’s been more than three months, um)

as for advice, just don’t burn urself out? only do a few, and then take a break. don’t force urself to do anything. i’m only posting a couple atm bc i’m on spring break, but i’ll probs be dead again or try a few through the quarter. do requests that u think will make u happy as u write! or ones that u actually have inspiration for ;w; but honestly, just relax. getting off tumblr or anything related to content creating/requests made me feel more free orz do things at ur own pace

i have the shittiest advice but i just want u to prioritize ur mental health first :’^) even if u miss writing, if it brings u bad jujus and/or u can’t get anything started, pls don’t stress over it!

#anon san #kouta babbles #*hugs*#i wish u the best <33

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yukipri · 4 years

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hello, I absolutely love your art and I really like ASL ship. I'm also an artist, but I'm afraid to post my art of it becomes i know some people can be rude about ships they don't like. How do you deal with the hate and do you have any advice for someone that wants that kind of confidence to post with out judgement?

Thanks so much for liking my work!

I wish I had a comforting answer for you, but the truth is this: There’s no way to post anything publicly online without judgement. People are always judging, and it’d be alright if they did so silently without being in your face about it, but oftentimes those who take greatest offense are the most vocal (the combination between this and the fact that those who like your work are oftentimes too shy to say anything can have really devastating consequences for self-confidence).

While there have always been people vocal about ships/characters/interpretations/whatever that they don’t like, I’d say that it’s arguably much worse now than it was when I started posting my work on Tumblr, due to both rampant purity culture, and again, fewer people who reblog and give positive comments to validate you and your work.

I wish I could tell you that i’m confident about the work that I post (both in content and artistic execution), but in reality, I’m not. I doubt myself all the time! My self-confidence is always 6 ft under!! I ask myself whether it’s worth posting before every post!! And sometimes, the answer my brain provides is No, it’s not worth posting.

But y’know what? I post anyway ^ ^;;;;;

I guess this is getting off on a bit of a tangent, because you’re asking about ship hate. But for me personally, my fight with my inner voice being mean about myself and my work is so much more vicious than any anti, that idk, the anti seems really mild in comparison? ^ ^;;;; Like oh, you don’t like my ship. Well that’s cute. I have a billion other far more valid criticisms of my work, so come back with a better case and get in line!

(and in continuing to post, and continuing to interact with those who don’t like my work...I guess I’ve gotten sorta used to it? That, and I’m grateful to have followers who ARE kind to me, building that sort of community is important!)

Oh don’t get me wrong, I still get in a sour mood whenever someone sends an unwanted opinion, and it does happen from time to time! But the thing is, there are a lot of tools to block out those opinions and to keep them from reaching you again, and it’s very easy for me to methodically use those, and they work. And the fact that these tools are available helps make hateful opinions seem much more like a tiny angry squirrel squeaking outside my window.

In case you’re wanting to know these steps:

1) If the unwanted comment is in a reply to one of your posts, you can delete the reply so you can’t see it anymore!

2) You can block the user. This prevents them from being able to interact with your posts and send any more unwanted opinions. (I think it’s also based on their IP address, so they can’t harass you on an alternate account either). If you do this to an anon user, they’ll be blocked and you’ll never even know who they were, so can’t even unblock them! Whee!

3) If they’re actually threatening you, you can report them. Rn, tumblr staff’s been pretty good at responding, perhaps due to changed ownership. If they actually threaten to harm you, don’t leave it at blocking, report them! (but also, make sure to only use this option when you are being threatened irl. Reporting is serious, and not a tool to be abused for, “They said something mean and I don’t like them.”)

4) MOST IMPORTANT: Don’t engage with them. I know if they give a shitty opinion, it’s easy to get heated and want to argue. But most likely, they’re hiding it under anon anyway, and you’re doing exactly what they want by getting mad. They don’t care about logic or whether or not their point makes sense. Their only goal is to upset you. So don’t let them win!

The best thing to do, REALLY, is to ignore them. Don’t give them a response by answering their ask, don’t reblog their response if they added it to your post that way. Especially if they’re anon, they have no choice but to keep refreshing your blog in hopes you respond, no way to get notified. Cool, let them keep doing that forever! They’re not worth your time. And they can’t win an argument you don’t accept, so they’ve lost as soon as you’ve rejected them.

(and if you feel like it, before blocking/deleting their shitty messages, take a screenshot, and then share it with your friends in private to laugh at them. It’s quite cathartic ^v^)b)

Another note, but if you’re nervous about posting content about an unpopular ship, it’s okay to ease yourself into it too. You don’t have to draw them naked ‘n snogging right from the get go (and tumblr doesn’t allow n//s//f//w anyway). You may have noticed that a LOT of my works are kinda ambiguously shippy/platonic if you squint and want to read it that way. Part of that’s just bc that’s the sort of content I enjoy creating, with romance being ambiguous, but it’s also less provocative if you want to avoid confrontation with antis ^ ^;

And ANOTHER note, but make sure to tag your ships! It’s a courtesy that’s important to remember on Tumblr and AO3 (and I wish would be adopted on twitter sigh). Tagging is us creators’ way of staying in our lane, and putting up all proper warnings. IF despite the tags, content consumers decide not to blacklist and engage anyway, well, then that’s on them.

So this answer got a bit long and isn’t at all concise, and I apologize for that. But I hope there’s an answer for you buried in here somewhere.

TLDR: There’s always gonna be judgement. Decide for yourself whether you want to post. Not everyone who posts has confidence, you’re not alone. Having positive interactions helps balance out the damage done by negative ones. Be prepared by knowing what tools you’ve got when the negative ones come. If you’re nervous, it’s ok to create more ambiguous content. Tag your posts.

And a final comment: make sure to enjoy creating! Create because you love it first and foremost, and let your creation be an expression of that joy.

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

#YukiPri replies #Anonymous #longpost #long post #I'm sorry this isn't entirely positive and probably too personal #I want to encourage you to create and post if you want to #but I also want to be honest and say that it's not always fun and to be honest about that #there are ways of dealing with antis and with your own sense of worth #but it's a real uphill battle sometimes sigh

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takadasaiko · 4 years

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All the odd numbered ones 👀👀

Oh wow. That’s a lot lol.

Some I’ve already answered, but I can copy and past those answers here. I’m going with original works on this, but the same basics hold true for me with fan fiction as well :D

1. Where do you typically get your ideas?

All over the place. I have an Evernote folder that I keep half-baked ideas in for my original works. I’ll jot down whatever it is that sparked it and then, if/when more comes, I’ll add plot points under it until it builds into something interesting that I can work with.

So, for the pilot I’m working on now, the idea started with the premise: a privatized, covert organization that keeps its secrets by bringing in operatives that will either be fully devoted to the organization and move up in the ranks or will be taken out. When an operative becomes obsolete or a danger to the organization, another operative with a similar skillset is brought in to try to take them out. If they can, that new operative takes their place. If they can’t, the original stays on. From there, I started building outward with character and the types of individuals that would be connected to that organization and others within the world setting.

For my Codename: Grey series, that started with characters. I was coming off of a novel that I really wasn’t getting anywhere with and knew I needed to find a new story to tell. I started looking at what I enjoyed writing fan fiction-wise, the types of characters and stories that I gravitate to, and ended up with Jake Riley and Cassandra Smith. From there, I started developing a world and plot to better explore the story I wanted to tell with them.

TLDR; everywhere.

3. How do you know when a scene is “done”?

I don’t always. One of the pieces of advice I see repeated again and again for script writing is ‘come into the scene as late as you can, leave as soon as it’s done’

I’m still finding that balance.

5. How do you know when a story is “done”?

More times than not I know about where I want it to end when I start. I may have a detailed scene or at least a general idea of the feeling I’d like to end with.

It’s the final lines that get me though, especially in prose.

7. How do you feel about prologues?

They have a time and a place. I’m a big fan of Teaser acts though. Those are the 2-5(ish) minutes that open up an episode before the title card.

9. Do you tend to have an external narrator or use one of the characters?

I’m not a fan of first person narratives.

11. What punctuation do you love too much?

Dashes. I love dashes.

13. What grammar tends to cause problems when you’re writing?

Effect vs Affect kills me every time. I don’t know what it is, but I’m always looking it up to make sure I’ve chosen wisely.

15. How do you write a really good metaphor?

Ehh…. Not sure I’m the best to offer that advice.

17. What is your best piece of advice for writing hurt/comfort scenes?

Make them earn it, but once they have, don’t you dare forget the comfort.

19. What is your best piece of advice for writing action scenes?

Just keep writing them. I used to avoid them like the plague because they always felt stiff and difficult to me. Somewhere along the way I realized I’d gotten much better at them and now I enjoy writing them. Who’d have known?

Also, keep them tight. Show the blows you need to show, avoid overwriting them, and keep the lines snappy like the movement. Personally, I like short lines of action for it. Sometimes they’re not even full sentences, and as long as it’s clear you’re using it for stylistic effect rather than out of ignorance, that’s totally okay. It’ll keep the readers’ eyes moving as fast as the action itself.

21. What is your best piece of advice for writing romance scenes?

I’m very much a fade-to-black writer, but I think it has to be right for the characters. You may have a set that their love language is in grand gestures, another that expresses their affection in small and maybe even missed gestures. For one couple a kiss may be the height of their romantic moment, another it’ll be pressing their foreheads together, and another may be a moment of honesty where their partner reaches out. Honestly, it just depends on the character.

23. How do you balance your characters in an ensemble story?

So, this is something I feel very strongly about. It all depends on the story you’re telling, how many lead characters you have, etc etc…

A, B, and C stories help with that, at least for me.

Using Codename: Grey for an example I have my two leads (Jake and Cas) and their individual teams that share the case of the week 99% of the time. So the A story would probably be that A story (the goal that they all have). The B story would be a conflict or opposing goal that one of the teams has that’s going to blow it all to chaos, and the C (and maybe D story) will be a smaller character arc.

I think, after you have all that laid out, it’s about making sure that if a character is in the scene they’re doing something. Quinn isn’t just standing there twiddling his thumbs because he hasn’t been in a scene for a while. He’s there because someone has to be the voice of reason when Jake tosses caution to the wind.

That’s the theory, at any rate. How well I actually follow through on it depends on the story and the day :P

25. How do you create an original character?

Oh wow… that just depends. I think I find them more than create them. Jake and Cas came about because I needed a new story to focus on. I started with the bare basics: what kind of characters do I enjoy writing? Strong, dangerous women that are consistently underestimated. Emotionally compromised men that just want to protect their families that they’ve sort of tumbled into. I have types. So sue me.

Sometimes I start with the characters and sometimes I start with a scenario and find characters that fit into that world.

27. Do you try to do most of your research ahead of writing (when research is necessary) or do you do it as things come up?

It really depends. For scripts, I’ve gotten into the habit of outlining with plot points and those tend to be pretty fleshed out. I’ll do a lot of research at that point in my writing.

When I get into the script itself, though, things change. Just as an example, I had a whole scene plotted out with a character looking at her conspiracy evidence board and coming to a conclusion. When I got to the actual writing I realized that it wasn’t nearly as engaging as I thought it’d be, so a character I hadn’t even thought about yet was introduced on the fly. That kind of stuff happens all the time with my writing. It’s pretty fluid, so when research is needed along the way, it happens then too.

What I try to avoid (if I can help it) is using research as a way to procrastinate the actual writing process. It’s a bad habit of mine.

29. How do you plot your stories?

I start with plot points.

Act

Setting

details

I work through the story while working through those plot points, usually with just a vague notion of where I’m going until I jump in and start on this.

Then I write the script, find out all the many things wrong with it, and reassess the plot/events to make it better.

Rinse and repeat until I have something that doesn’t make me want to cry without ceasing.

Author Asks

#writing

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deviationdivine · 5 years

Text

Better Understanding (RK900|Request!)

TLDR: A quick undercover operation goes in a completely different direction...

Word Count: 1,136 (Short drabble I say and write more than I wanted. Oh well)

TW: None except Nines in a white tuxedo jacket. Extremely deadly.

A/N: Kiss Prompt: 17. “Needing to kiss to hide from bad guys” | Of course anon! You can get whatever you want! Thanks so much for sending in a request!

Black tie required. How superficial.

Nines’ expression is a stoic bust chiseled perfectly sharp and standing out amid party goers despite the obvious task of undercover work. It is apparently hard to miss a tall, imposing figure such as him.

He ignores most who attempt to make small talk. While another inferior model may be specifically instilled with social parameters, the RK900′s disposition is less than ideal. Simply he chooses to avoid it when possible. If someone is worth his time then perhaps he will indulge.

His eyes shift over to banquet table. Easily finding you blending among a crowd of criminals and lowlife thugs, the android finally steps from his observing stance.

Who is speaking to you? His brow scrunches harshly narrowing icy eyes onto the man chatting at you.

You force a smile, waving a glass that still hasn’t drained completely passed your lips.

“So you got a date?”

Perfecting a faux laugh saves some dignity at this idiot who won’t take a hint. Do you have a date?

Yeah, you have an undercover date. As if Nines will ever go out on an official one. No one else can tell how fast your heart’s beating and it’s not because you’re turned on by anything. Only person who makes you hot under the collar is…

“Y/N.”

You jump. Catching breath doesn’t help feeling the weight of the RK900’s hand fusing almost possessively to your waist. Damn! Does he need to sneak up like that?

Not that you’re complaining because your chatter just took a step backwards. Without even looking up behind at Nines you know the type of expression he’s wearing and it makes you weak too often if you want to be honest.

“Are you bothered, Darling?” Nines asks in a perfect cover. His tone is too convincing.

“Uh, sorry!” The party guest backs off slowly. “Didn’t know, uh…enjoy the party!”

Huh. That’s effective. You have no time to say anything. Your ‘date’ is already pulling you for a quiet spot. Obviously to get this show on the road but he’s been avoiding any kind of normal conversation with you since this started. Can’t understand him.

The android adjusts ebony silk around collar while performing a full scan over guests. He fixes a cuff out of discretion even as he creates a spotlight over his choice of wardrobe.

A stark white tuxedo jacket, black slacks matched to leather shoes, the android detective’s LED no longer cycles in his head. When did he pull it out again? Somehow you can’t remember.

Honestly, your attention’s too caught up in how handsome he looks. It really suits him. Not that he isn’t attractive on a regular basis or the fact you’re mulling this over right now during an operation.

Get a grip! You huff. “It’s getting a bit stuffy in here.” Murmuring against the rim of your glass hardly hides irritation. It’s mainly at you for getting distracted by this beautiful man…android.

Nines’ nostrils flare. Tilting his head towards you casts a steady gaze upon your inane fidgeting. “Perhaps if you would behave a bit more professionally,” he suggests curtly.

Professionally?!

Throwing a glare in his direction puts you around in a swivel, nearly getting in your own way because of these damn clothes. Who enjoys dressing up at a place like this?! Certainly not with a bunch of crooks hanging around while they try to sniff out a red ice dealer.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” you demand, jabbing a finger into his firm chest.

Unflinching at the action it is best to allow you this temper tantrum. It will shut you up presumably quicker as they deal with this. “Speaking to random people is not part of our mission.”

Oh, the mission. How can that be forgotten?

You scoff but expect it. Why is he always like this? “I swear to God or…Ra9…or whatever it is you worship!”

“Androids do not worship anything, Y/N.” Contradicting has purposeful intent as his lips curl in the tiniest of smirks. You barely notice it before he’s hooking fingers around your wrist and dragging you along.

“What are you…?”

“Quiet.” Hissing in frustration reveals more deviancy threading in his system.

Quickly changing a preconstructed plan is detrimental to acquiring information on their target. However, if he does not act the probability of injury to you is – exponentially high.

Completely unaware of his internal struggle and rising stress all you focus on is the fact security grouped up together. Obviously he picks up on things you can’t with that advanced hearing. This looks a little sketchy. What are those goons talking about? Oh. Oh, no! Did they find out…?

“Nines!”

A gasp completely undoes any type of resolve left as your body presses roughly against wall. The impact alone settles a twist in the stomach. Then it spreads fire, trapped against his body. His entire frame leans against yours and his mouth connects in what you believe is a swooping explosion going off around every inch of your figure.

Swiping hands up to thread in his hair, tangling it from a perfect comb makes you smile into his equally passionate and wet kiss. Ruffling his feathers is a private victory.

“Look at this!” One of them cackles. “Getting some man!?”

“Hey! Take it upstairs if you’re that bored with the party!”

Your breath hitches. Straightening when Nines lets go, you watch anxiously as the gala security disperses. They’re searching for someone else now. That’ll buy some time until they actually figure it out.

“I believe we understand each other better,” the android murmurs against your lips when alone. “Little bite.”

Deeply sensual his tone is going to make this difficult to concentrate. You barely know what to do now. It’s a little too obvious your feelings afterwards. “I-I think so,” agreeing softly, you press lips up to his for more.

While he reciprocates no longer under a ruse, Nines does pull away after tasting the panting breaths slipping through parted lips. His fingers come up beneath your chin, tilting your head back to meet his intense gaze.

“So?” You shrug now. “Compromised?”

He snorts. “I believe Detective Reed can handle performing a diversion. He did say he was the only qualified detective on the entire force to do so.”

A laugh answers the RK900’s snarky bite. Clearly, he finds Reed a total idiot. Well, he’s not exactly Einstein.

“Too bad we can’t leave him to do the whole thing.” Suggesting something it’s clear when leaning into him this time. Lips draw up towards his ear. “Because I would’ve taken that goon’s advice. For upstairs.”

Nines tilts his head to watch you sweep back around corner to make the next move in this shakedown. Even so, the android takes a single moment to smile at your obvious interest.

Tag List: @elydith

#dbh #detroit become human #rk900 x reader #RK900 #dbh rk900 x reader #kiss prompt #short drabble fic #dbh drabble #gala nines is bae #dress him up #this was a nice turn from my angst #i have another in the queue #send me asks!#dbh prompts #dbh requests #anon request

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5am-raining · 5 years

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hey! I've given habitica a go before, on a glowing recommendation like yours, but I ended up deleting it. I would struggle to remember to check off tasks/habits even if I did them, and I'd get frustrated & stressed about being penalised for "forgetting" even though I did the task IRL. it just seemed to add an extra step to everything I was mostly already doing. I've always wondered if I could fine-tune my approach to get more out of it - do you have any advice?

Thanks for the Q! 😊

Do you find that you work well with the bullet journal system? Or to-do lists in general? Habitica is sort of like a constant everyday to-do list/bujo system, which isn’t for everyone. And even saying that, Habitica might not be for everyone that likes lists and bujos… It’s really intended for habit building more than anything. It’s essentially supposed to be a reward/punishment system for building habits, which may not work for all. And it’s easy to go WAY overboard with it in terms of writing too much on your list, or making each item description too long.

I’ve been using Habitica for several years now (inconsistently!) and finally have it fine-tuned enough that it works ~pretty~ well for me. It’s still not perfect (and the occasional glitchiness doesn’t help), but it’s the only system that keeps me coming back on an almost daily basis. It helps me remember what I would consider my “new year resolutions”, rather than letting them fall to the back of my mind until next January. Everyday that I check off engaging in a bad habit, I feel determined to stop doing it tomorrow. If I check off succeeding in something I’ve been trying to be better about, I feel like “yess, I’m on the right track! I should keep this up”.

Some tips I would suggest if you wanna give it another try:

Get to know the format. It’s not as straight forward as it first appears, it’s kind of confusing and you really have to experiment with the system a few times (and maybe read some of the wiki) before you find a good structure. I’ve wiped my settings probably 5 times over the past few years. You can do that in the settings/account section, but be careful because it wipes EVERYTHING except for your username basically!

Keep it simple! I try to make mine very basic, easy to read at a glance, aesthetically appealing (fancy text generator is your friend, and so are emojis!). I find that cutesy overly long check boxes just distract me, I need something really straight forward or I will gloss over it.

If you’re not feeling the gaming aspect but you like the check system, just ignore the gaming aspect (you can adjust notifications in the settings, and make it so that your character doesn’t take on damage by “sleeping in the inn”. I do this bc I hate when my character dies over and over, it’s just obnoxious).

If you do like the gaming aspect, dive into it! There’s guilds, challenges, shops, and all kinds of customization you can get into. I’m not really into it that much because 1) I don’t have money to waste on the parts that cost money (most of it doesn’t though!), and 2) I have other stuff I’d rather spend my free time on. I do like the aesthetics/themes of the gaming aspect though, it’s fun.

It’s not for everyone. If you still don’t like it, here’s another great time-management system that might work for you! Calendar blocking and time batching. Here’s a quick post about it. I’ve yet to really use the calendar blocking method, but I think once I start my career in earnest I might have to since I’ll have more appointments to keep…

TLDR; Try removing damage by “resting in the inn”. If you still don’t like it, try simplifying things, experimenting, and/or getting into or out of the gaming aspect. If you still don’t like it, here’s a post about calendar blocking that might be more up your alley. 😊

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kang-yoochanie · 7 years

Text

How to survive high school (by a straight A and mentally ill high school graduate)

If this post isn't a way to show that through 4 years of high school I have SUCKED at titling things then I don't know what is.

Anyways, long-ass titles aside, this is a mini guide for kids about to go into grade 9, or any grade really, who want to prepare themselves or change themselves.

Cause boy do I know you change a lot through high school. Thank god.

Don’t expect this to be formal, or funny (unless you have my sense of humour in which case I think it’s fucking hilarious but that’s besides the point), but hopefully it will be helpful. (tip 1; long intros like this are useless 90% of the times, this time being part of that 90%)

1) Honestly you may as well just buy yourself two locks for your locker right away. Have one locking your locker, and the other on you or at home. My locks broke so many times, or I forgot what the combo was, I went through so many of those fucking things (except in grade 12, I just gave up and stopped using my locker even though that was against the rules at my school lmao)

2) Dressing nice can be fun and can be a way to motivate yourself to get up in the morning, but don’t stress about what others will think about how you’re dressed or how you look. By the end of the day everyone’s going to look like trash any ways, so don’t bother

3) Those guidance counsellors? Yea. Use ‘em. Even if they’re the worst people on the planet Earth, use them. They can help tell your teachers about your problems, or just give you a quiet place to sit for a bit.

4) DON’T STRESS ABOUT THE FUTURE. Everyone’s gonna say “you’re in grade 9, you better start thinking about what you wanna be” and they’ll say that every goddamn year. But let me tell you. I knew from grade 7 I wanted to go to art school. I really wanted to be an artist. I applied to an art school this year, I got into that art school this year, and I declined the offer. In my last few months of high school I changed my mind. I decided that I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted to do, so I chose a program that’s sort of like English. TLDR; people change their fucking minds. So don’t stress about it

5) Now this may differ from country to country but Universities and colleges don’t look at your grade 9 or 10 marks. They don’t give a shit if you got a 20% on a test in grade 9 (which I did lmao). They will only look at 11 and 12, and really they only look at your grade 11 marks for early acceptances. If you have shitty grade 11 marks but good grade 12 marks then you’re fine.

6) Speaking of Universities, apply to every single one that you can. I applied to something like 10 different schools/programs. Some of them I didn’t even know if I wanted to go into them. Some of them were incredibly hard to get into and I was sure I wasn’t going to get in. But I applied to everything that caught my interest, so that I could have doors open. (and, as it turns out, the program I’m going into was one of those last minute ‘i’m not sure if i’ll like this or not but it sounds kinda cool so I’ll apply’)

7) Learn new study habits. The jump between grade 8 and 9 (and 10 and 11 so rip your 10ers) is insane. It’s normal for grades to drop a bit (or a lot @ my multiple failed tests in gr 9 lmao) but just take it with grace and learn which way of studying works best for you. (protip: figure out if you’re an auditory, visual, or kinesthetic learner. If you’re 2, or like me and all 3 of them, then your just have to figure out which subject you learn best with which learning style. for example, in math I learn best by doing (kinesthetic) but I suck at learning math by seeing (visual), but in history I learn best by discussing and hearing (auditory) and seeing (visual), but if you make me act out history, write notes or anything like that I won’t learn shit.)

8) If you’re not a math or science person, don’t take them. Same goes for English, or any other subject. In my school system it was required for you to take english every year, so there was no getting out of that, but I could chose to stop taking math after grade 11, and science after grade 10. A lot of people associate being good at math and science as being “smart”, and I got a lot of comments that because I wasn’t taking them my studies were “easy”. And trust me, if you decide to not take them you’ll hear the same thing. But the thing is, you don’t need them. If you’re going into an English program, then why in the fucking world would you take Chemistry or math?? What’s the use of it? Once you know the basic skills in both subjects I say drop it, unless you need it or find it fun.

9) Speaking of not doing things that you can’t, each country has different terms for the “upper” level classes and the “lower” level classes. So I’ll be referring to them as just that. If you find that an “upper” level class goes too fast for you or you just aren’t learning from it, go to the lower level. Not all your classes have to be “upper” and not all have to be “lower”, it all depends on you. You’re not smarter for being in an “upper” level class, and you’re not dumber for being in a “lower” level class. It’s all based on styles of learning. That’s it. and 95% of the time, the two levels learn the same things, just at different paces and with different techniques.

10) If you have a mental illness, let your teachers know. Even if you don’t want to tell anyone. Even if you think it’s embarrassing. Trust me, telling your teachers will make your life 100% easier, a lot of them are very understanding. I had teachers who would let me leave the class with a friend at any point I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. And when I went through my major depressive episodes and missed weeks of school, my teachers let me do work at home that was strictly in class work or let me delay tests or just skip units all together, and I often got extra time for everything. But if I hadn’t told them about my situation, I would have ended up being stuck and probably would have failed all my classes.

11) If someone offers you help, take it. ALWAYS ACCEPT HELP. Even if you have a stupid sense of pride (like me) and think you can do everything by yourself (like me) YOU CAN’T (like...you guessed it, me). Trust me, when a parent, teacher, or even sibling helps you with homework, or essays or studying, it just makes things easier.

12) Take notes. I know I said taking notes doesn’t always help me, or other people, but do it anyways. And not on your computer. Hand write your notes, even if you have the messiest fucking handwriting, just do it. It’s been proven that you’re more likely to retain information that you handwrite over notes on a computer or reading, no matter what your learning type is.

13) Don’t do things last minute. Don’t do your project last minute, or your essay, or study for a test. Cramming doesn’t work. Basically what I’m saying is manage your time properly. If you have 2 weeks to study for a test, take those two weeks. Don’t take just 10 hours the night before.

14) We’re almost done, don’t worry. Join extra curricular activities! HAVE A LIFE. Literally it’s one of my biggest regrets that I didn’t do more. If you aren’t a sports person, join clubs. If you aren’t a clubs person, join sports. If you’re neither, join student council or something. If you want access to everything (sports, clubs, etc) join Yearbook, it’s a great way to be involved while also hiding from everyone. But join things, make new friends. Have a life. It’ll make things SO much easier

15) Speaking of friends, don’t worry about them. You’re going to make new friends, lose friends and then repeat. You and everyone else change so much through high school it’s almost impossible to constantly have the exact same friend group. So don’t worry if you lose friends, you’re going to make new ones, I promise.

14) My last and most important point; GRADES DON’T MATTER. It’s a number (or letter) that is marking you on how you felt the day you were taking a test or doing a presentation. That’s all it is. It’s not testing your intelligence, it’s not something to compete over. It’s just a stupid little number. I’m not saying ignore it completely, still try to work hard to learn things, but don’t do it for the sole reason of getting a good grade. One of the biggest things I learned in my last two years of high school was that when I was stressed about my grades and studied for the only purpose of getting a 90%, and literally gave up my life to study, I often didn’t do well. Those are the times when I failed tests, and also the times where I barely was able to get an 80% average. But in 11 and 12 I decided to take it easy. I studied a little bit every second or third night, but I tried not to stress about it. On nights before tests I would limit myself and never stay up past midnight. I forced myself to not care about grades even though every little anxious bone in me told me to care. And I went from having an 80.2% average in grade 10, to an 88% in grade 11 and a 92.5% in grade 12 (i feel inclined to say it was 95% but I had two hard ass teachers second semester so uh yeah that sucked). SO DON’T STRESS. LET GO OF THE IMPORTANCE OF GRADES. RAISE YOUR MIDDLE FINGER TO THAT A. Just do the best you can and then continue to push yourself to do better. Do it because you want to, not because you want a higher grade.

I hope this was somewhat helpful. High school is what you make of it, it can be fun, or horrible, so try to have fun with it. I have a lot of good memories from it. The best piece of advice I can really give is just be aware that your life isn’t only school, and it doesn’t end after high school. (Also always buy your teachers christmas gifts or end of year gifts, they will love you and you will instantly become a favourite)

#if u guys want tips on how to be a teacher's fav student hmu #so many of my teachers loved me bc im good at sucking up #school #studyblr #school tips #high school #high school tips

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thistherapylife · 7 years

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Do you have any advice for starting field placement? I start this August and am terrified I'll screw up or get too attached to my clients.

Hi anon!

Yay! I looooove asks from therapists or from those trainings to do so. I wrote about this here so this is a more expanded answer but will be similar. @othersideofthecouch answered this here. My answer isn’t going to be perfect and it’s coming from my experience so it’s just as flawed as everyone else. Also I know a lot of folks in therapy who aren’t therapists read this so a heads up - this may be okay for you but it may not. If it feels like too much, bounce out! Take care of you! {This is also like the world’s longest post so just fyi}

Take some breaths - all the shit you are going to be passing along regarding anxiety management, you are passing it on cause it works. So use it. Use the mindfulness and DBT techniques you know. Laugh with your peers, use your supervision and if you have it, use your field placement class if you are still in graduate school. Remember that you are the therapist and they are the client - when you the person is showing up with the room, it needs to be for a reason. I’ve seen therapists who have used sessions to spend the whole thing talking about themselves and it sucks. Remember that your clients don’t owe you trust - you have to earn that. OH and please for love of everything read this post by @cps-oteric if you are going to do any work with social worker “in the system.” You also may want to take a look at your social media accounts prior to starting.

The best advice I got in grad school was a professor (who continues to be one of my mentors and leads my consult group). They laid it out: “You guys are going to fuck up. Every. Single. One. Of. You. Will. Mess. Up. It’s going to happen. Because you are human and your clients are human and there is room for mistakes. Now, I’m not talking about the mistakes you have a choice over - the stuff you guys covered in Law and Ethics. That you should always be aware of and strive to prevent. But the accidental mistakes? The mistakes of inexperience? Those can be incredibly valuable for your client too. Part of our job is give people a different experience - to own up when we fuck up and do the repair work with the client.”

Why was this the most helpful for me? Because it gave me the space to feel like it’s okay to make mistakes. It wasn’t okay to ignore those things or be intentionally fucked up but that I didn’t have to be perfect. I “fucked up” early in my first field placement - I had to call out unexpectedly. I did the right thing and called my supervisor, let them know and called the location I was supposed to be at that day. The site was supposed to let my client know and they didn’t. For the client, this is was major thing and we ended up doing a lot of repair work around but in owning up to the experiencing be shit for the client, even though that wasn’t my intention, was a huge deposit in the proverbial trust bank and was new experience for the client. I didn’t apologize for taking the time - I needed it full stop - but I did apologize that it wasn’t communicated effectively to this client and validated/normalized the feelings that came up. It’s also important not to let your anxiety/discomfort/fear etc. around messing up, compound the mistake - which is why I am pretty into therapist’s knowing their own shit. tldr; You are going to mess up but explore it with your supervisor, your mentors, your cohort. You won’t be a perfect therapy robot.

As to the second fear - look at what you mean by attached. What’s the fear there for you? Often, it’s around not being able to keep your clinical hat on because you will be too close and/or that it will hurt when you leave. There will be probably clients it hurts to leave. Leaving my last job, I had a couple of clients - man. I still think about them and hope they are doing well. There are a couple of clients right now, who if I left my agency, it would hurt to leave. And I’m not talking about being devastated or anything would indicate an over attachment where you don’t keep that clinical hat on but when relationships end - it can be sad. Relationships have two sides, that connection develops no matter your modality - I can’t speak of all therapists here for sure. But all of the therapists I know personally and many of the therapists I’ve take courses from have experienced attachment in some way. Often, your clients will leave their fingerprints on you. Some in dust and some tattooed. Process your countertransference around this. Sometimes, in grad school, you get the idea that countertransference is all about the start of an ethical breach (or my Law and Ethics professor was just a royal asshole which is a distinct possibility). You will have feelings about your clients - positive, negative and in between - and sometimes - right at the beginning especially for me - I thought grownup therapists had all their shit together and they didn’t have feelings about this shit which like WHAT?! No. You get better at riding those waves that’s all. It’s more like “oh yup, this client’s mom is making me feel X” or “this client is bringing up frustration because of x and I know that and that’s just me. Gotta bring that to supervision/consult group/therapy”

It will depend on your placement and other factors. If you are working on a MRT or in a hospital, then you are will be affected by your clients, for sure, but your attachment may be different than it is for others with more long term placements. One of my really good friends from graduate school loves working on mobile response because she likes engaging with folks for a short period of time and has never had a desire to do the more long term work. I ended up being hired by my first placement so I had the opportunity to work with some clients for multiple years. And sometimes the length of time doesn’t matter. I saw a client for I think 2-3 times? Somewhere in there but no more than 4. But there was something about that client and those sessions that will stay with me forever. (I talked about this case in therapy when it was happening and I have a decent idea why). So your mileage will vary.

Do your best to take care of yourself. Put your cases and clients, lovingly away at the end of the day. Set good boundaries with your agency and placement. Yes, you signed up to do a job but they don’t own you 24/7. Hang out with your friends, your family, your partner, your cat - whatever you love. Grab a coffee or a dinner with a friend or a cohort member. Have good boundaries with your friends. If you aren’t sober/working on sobriety, go to team happy hour and if you are, advocate to have a team activity that’s not a bar. Use your supervision. Reach out to mentors if you don’t think the placement is a good fit. Don’t forget to eat. Move your body. Watch TV or read a good book or garden or run or goof off on the internet but do something for you. SLEEP. If you are on meds, take them. If you can make it work (I couldn’t most of my traineeship and regret it), find a therapist. Tell ‘em you are starting your placement and some will dip low on the sliding scale cause we’ve been there.

You made it to the end of the this post! Gold Star! This isn’t a master post for starting therapists but it’s a start. Check out the “keep yourself warm therapy posts,” “for therapists,” “new therapists,” “baby therapists” posts if you want more :) Best of luck anon. I’m rooting for you. Update me if you remember!

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thousandmaths · 7 years

Text

Southeastern International Conference on Combinatorics, Graph Theory, and Computing 2017

So I took a long spring break this year to go to a conference.

TLDR: It was pretty damn good.

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The Basics

When I first heard about this combinatorics conference in Florida from a friend at the Joint Meetings, I figured that it would be kind of like ACSB or GSTGC. You know: a fairly casual weekend-long affair with a lot of break time for networking and eating.

What I was not expecting was the Southeastern International Conference on Combinatorics, Graph Theory, and Computing (SEICCGTC): a five-day event with four parallel sessions, nine hour-long invited talks, a $100-top-prize student poster session (!)*, a banquet, a large-group excursion, and an official meeting of the Institute of Combinatorics and its Applications.

To be fair, there was still a lot of time for networking and eating: we had 20 minute breaks after each invited address and each lunch break was 2 hours long (yikes). I don’t know if it was just the sheer amount of downtime given, or if I’m actually getting better at this networking thing, but I actually met a lot of new people :) One thing I was surprised by is how many of them were “regulars”, returning to this conference for the 10th time or more. But in hindsight, it makes a lot of sense: the topics covered were quite diverse, the invited addresses were top quality, it’s a manageable size in terms of number of people (maybe 150 on any given day, I’d guess), the administrivia didn’t get in the way much, and there was plenty of time to chat with old friends while still catching up in the field.

If I sound like a little bit of a shill right now, it’s only because I’m still trying to sort out what distinguished this conference in particular for me. I had a great time, but a week— especially the week before spring break— is a really heavy investment that I’m not sure I am willing to make regularly.

(The issue with break is about teaching, mostly. Being gone for that week cuts dramatically into the “free” time between the first two midterms, and we lose a little bit of ‘momentum’ with the classroom culture-building when I don’t see them for two entire weeks. On the other hand, I will say that having the break to recover was a godsend.)

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My Two Talks

Unlike most of the conferences I go to, I actually gave a talk this time. It was a 20 minute timeslot (including setup/Q&A) on the first day, so I had to come prepared.... But in return I got to ignore it for the rest of the week, which was a pretty good deal. I thought it went pretty well, but there was someone who came up afterward and said I was talking too fast “for us old folks”. I don’t think I said much of anything at the time, but in hindsight I really appreciate the comment. It’s not often you get honest criticism about presentation style (last page #1 sums up my thoughts on the matter).

I also gave a more impromptu presentation at a “Problem Solving Session”. I figured was going to be competition-style problem sets just for brain exercise, but actually it was more of a fast-paced way for people to shotgun research problems out to a crowd. Presumably people find collaborators in this way, but it could also be used to generate some interest in a particutlar area, or to talk about undergraduate research opportunities.

The problem I presented was considerably smaller than things most people were proposing; it was the question I picked up at the Joint Meetings. I made a mess of the presentation, but apparently got some people interested: an anonymous person came up afterwards and took a picture of my slide, Bernd Schröder came up and asked me to email him a copy, and Richard Low (who also presented a problem) had a longer conversation with me about math and grad school.

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Bernd Schröder

Bernd actually ended up solving the problem; the idea he got to was something I was coming close to myself but (I can see now that) I fixated on a certain technical issue which he was able to circumvent entirely. As I suspected, it’s nothing groundbreaking, but the construction is fairly cute; it could very well be worth a Note in the Monthly**. He sent me a follow-up in an email, which I haven’t had time to read amidst my recovery process, but suggests a more substantial continuation on the problem.

Afterwards we sat down for a longer conversation, which turned out to be rather insightful. We talked about quite a few things, but the big conversation was about career trajectory.

His thesis was in harmonic analysis and probability (a topic that he initially hated when he took it in his first year of grad school). But by the time he graduated, “harmonic analysis felt like work” and so he switched over to thinking about posets. In case you’re not aware of the academic job market, Bernd describes this as a "tremendously stupid move”. I probably wouldn’t say so if he hadn’t said it himself, but yeah, I’m inclined to agree: changing research fields without even having a stable job is probably one of those things that an advice column would warn against.

If you’ve been reading the blog a while, it probably comes as no surprise that my mathematical interests are very broad. Problematically so, I think. So I asked him how he was able to make these transitions. After some heartfelt but probably-ignorable follow-your-dreams advice***, he said this:

I was very lucky to get interested in things, and then quickly get good results. There really is nothing as good [for establishing yourself] as getting good results.

which is equally impossible to put into action... but at least feels true. On the more actionable side, he advised to put a lot of energy into learning to teach well: maybe nobody needs an order theorist in their department, but everyone needs good teachers, so in that way you open up many more doors for yourself.

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The footnotes :P

[ * which actually had criminally low participation; if I had realized there were going to be so few posters I might have given a poster instead XD ]

[ ** On the other hand, maybe I should not publish it. I also heard at this conference that your first couple of papers should be really high-quality. I don’t know if this is useful advice (and in particular, it’s the first time I’ve ever heard it), but it seems sensible: it’s by no means expected to have a publication by the time you leave grad school (but this varies by field), so you can really take the time to showcase your full strengths and break into “the scene” on a strong foot forward. ]

[ *** In particular: he wrote a book when he was rather young. This is widely considered a bad move, because book-writing takes an incredible amount of time, and often no distinction is made by a tenure committee between different types of “publications”, so this doesn’t count for any more than a paper. And indeed, because some mathematical work is valued higher than others, and a lot of the latter type goes into book-writing, it may count even less. His advisor wisely told him this was a bad idea, but in the end he went with his gut and wrote the book. ]

#math #maths #mathematics #mathema #conferences #conference lyfe #combinatorics #graph theory #algorithms #seiccgtc #seiccgtc2017

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automatismoateo · 5 years

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My (20f, agnostic athiest) boyfriend (22m, Christian) admitted to me that "The main focus should be God in a relationship" and he believes religion is a main thing in our relationship. via /r/atheism

Submitted January 23, 2019 at 01:54AM by secretacct2018 (Via reddit http://bit.ly/2WanOU9) My (20f, agnostic athiest) boyfriend (22m, Christian) admitted to me that "The main focus should be God in a relationship" and he believes religion is a main thing in our relationship.

Posted in r/relationships as well, but some people in there may not understand

So a little bit of background on myself- I am an agnostic atheist and I always have been. I have tried and tried again to be religious and I just cannot force myself to believe no matter how hard I try. I am very accepting of every religion, and have mostly dated believers, only a few of which had a problem with my own beliefs.

My boyfriend was raised Christian, but doesn't attend church. We have been dating for about 6 months now and we are extremely similar other than religion. Today I found out some things...

It all started from a conversation about how I am different from people in his past. He says he stepped out his comfort zone when he got together with me because I don't act like people from his past (meaning I am more positive, not crazy, etc.)

This led to me telling him that I had admitted all my beliefs and crazy things I have done in my past early on because I wanted to make sure he was okay with all of it. Turns out he was, so we moved forward.

Continuing on with the conversation (all through text), he says this: " I guess the only thing i think about is the agnostic and christian thing. Cause i think very long term. Like. How would we raise our children? What would our views be? Ect"

to which I replied " I always figured this situation would come up, and my plan is tell them the truth, like show them Christianity but don't push it on them and let them be what they want to be. If they want to believe in god, I'm ok with that "

It leads to him saying " Another thing i think about, and since i believe in God. Is since you aren't a christian, you wont go to heaven. I do really believe that. So it really makes me sad thinking about it. Because someday ill die. And if I'm right, i wont see you there"

This kinda hurt, but I decided to try to calm the situation by telling him to possibly try thinking of it more positively, which unfortunately didn't seem to be possible in his eyes. I told him things can work out because an old teacher from high school gave me some advice on a situation like this before, he taught me that respect for the other person and their beliefs was a major thing. I told him that I believe the most important thing in a relationship isn't religion, its each other.

He replies with "I'm not sure. I think its a very strong thing to have. I think it makes a major impact in a relationship. The way i see it. The main focus should be God in a relationship. Then the other person"

This is when the tears welled in my eyes because at this point I guess I now know that he puts, in my eyes, a mythical being before me. It hurts, and I'm still upset about it, but I have yet to address this to him.

He goes on to say he doesn't want this to ruin us and that he still very much loves me, but he has been worrying about this since the day he told me that he loves me. He had never said anything about it, and I know we had talked about being very open since the beginning. Obviously I don't ever want to change his beliefs and force my ideas on him. He has his own free mind. I don't think hes stupid or ignorant for believing either. Hell I applaud him because I wish I could fully be there and believe too, but I just cant.

I don't know how to move forward or how to ease his mind, and I guess I came here to this subreddit looking for people who might have experienced similar situations or something like that.

TLDR: My christian boyfriend admitted to me that "The main focus should be God in a relationship" and he believes religion is a main thing in our relationship. He also doesn't believe I will go to heaven and hes sad about that. We still very much love each other, but don't know how to ease our minds on the big difference in beliefs

#reddit

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palais-soleil-blog · 5 years

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Problems You May Encounter Your First Week of Studying Abroad (Part 2):

AKA everything that went wrong for me

ALRIGHT PART TWO LETS GO. This half will focus more on things that go wrong your whole first week, not just the first day. Some of these are super specific, but hey, I made the mistakes so you don’t have to!

1. It’s day 2/3/4/5 and you’re still nauseous.

Lol trust me this sucks. I blamed it on the car ride from the airport still affecting me; it may have also been jet lag or just general stress. Take some Tums or Pepto-Bismol and see what helps. Make sure you are FED and HYDRATED, especially hydrated if you don’t feel like you can keep food down. Eat things that stick - for me that meant stuff like pasta, potatoes, bread, and rice. It also meant not eating all of my delicious balsamic vinegar chicken because I thought I might get sick. Don’t force yourself to eat anything you can’t. Give your body time to adjust and keep an eye on what DOES make you feel better. Which leads me to my next point...

2. “Did I make the right decision?” AKA what makes the nausea go away?

I can guarantee you that every single student who goes abroad asks themselves this question at some point on the trip. Some might ask on the car ride to the US airport, I asked it when I got to my apartment and for the next two days. I questioned EVERYTHING. And I think that stress and nerves were part of what made me so nauseous. I can reassure you that you did make the right decision. Things get better! You will not feel the same way tomorrow, or a week from now. Give it time. For me, I needed that nausea to go away and I noticed that it lessened when I started to decided to change my program to end a little earlier and take some more/different classes. It ended up being an expensive change, but it’s cheaper than realizing in March that I need to go home or being miserable for my entire program. Also. Call your mom. She will know just what to say to make you feel better. ALSO, talk to your program directors. One of them gave me the best advice, which was “be kind to yourself these first few days.” This meant treating myself to a Starbucks refresher to remind me of home and taking it easy on exploring and trying new things. It meant crying if I needed to and not feeling bad, and talking to my program director when I felt really off. Do what works best for you, and think about what will help before you go so you can have a contingency plan in place.

3. Jet lag and all it’s glory and side effects

Ultimately, I did not have the same issues with jet lag as other people do/did. Maybe it’s because of how my flights worked out -- I left the US at 8am on a Sunday and got into Paris at 8am on Monday (only about a 15 hour flight, but you have to factor in the time change.) I slept for less than two hours that entire time, although my intent had been to sleep on the overnight flight. I ended up taking a 6 hour nap that first day, and I still slept through the night completely. The next night, I woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I haven’t had any issues since. I sleep through the night and wake up normally, it’s honestly wonderful. Do your own research on how jet lag affects sleep and make the best decisions for yourself based on your personal needs. I’m also pretty sure jet lag affected my appetite. I was nauseous and generally not hungry AT ALL for the first 5 days. Now, my appetite has kicked in and I’m able to enjoy alllllll the French food :) Just know that at some point the effects wear off and everything will feel normal. If it doesn’t, you may want to go to a pharmacie or see a doctor.

4. really everything boils down to WHERE THE FUCK IS MY LUGGAGE

So if you read my first post, you’ll know that it took 5 days for me to receive my luggage from my airline. If the same thing happens to you, my best recommendation is to have your study abroad office do the communicating. Chances are there will be fewer communication errors and they can argue on your behalf, especially if it is being sent to your school office. Be kind to yourself applies here, too - I wish I had gotten myself at least some pajama bottoms and a plain long sleeve tee so that I didn’t feel so gross at the end of the five days wearing the same damn clothes. Also, be persistent. I sat at my study abroad office for 3 hours over the course of two days just to make sure I would have my luggage as soon as it got there. I didn’t want to risk going the whole weekend without clean clothes. Of course, if seeing the city IMMEDIATELY means more to you, go ahead and do that. But you’ll be there for at least 4 months. You probably want your clothes a bit more.

5. SIM cards aka SHIT cards

This was a difficulty I was not expecting in Paris. I decided with my parents that I was going to get a foreign SIM card for my trip. There’s other options, like international plans or buying a whole new phone, but generally SIM cards are the easiest. Generally. It took a week and over 7 hours on the phone to get my phone “unlocked” for a foreign SIM card...but that’s a totally different story. Back to SIM cards! Your study abroad office should recommend some local options and plans; if they don’t, ask! I’m also a fan of asking people who have gone before you what they recommend. If plans and pricing of two companies are basically the same, ask around to see if one has better customer service or works elsewhere in Europe, etc. I ended up going with Orange; here’s where shit hit the fan. The second or third day, my roommate and I walked with a group of people to TWO different stores, at least 30 minutes apart. The first said they didn’t sell SIM cards, and the second told everyone to buy a SIM card at a newsstand and then they had to scan their passports and it was very much not like what my abroad officials told me it would be like. It seemed weird, so I opted out and went to talk to the office the next day. Turns out, the stores will tell tourists that they don’t sell SIM cards - probably because it isn’t an expensive item to sell and Americans are irritating. I went (in a much smaller group!) to the Orange store on Saint Michel and everything went exactly as I was told. (Ask for Herve if he’s there, he’s great and speaks English if you need help). I did have some minor issues setting up the last of my plan, but my abroad officials were able to help me no problem!

TLDR; if it seems weird, don’t do it, and ask your abroad office workers for help!

6. Pickpockets and scary train people are a thing in all cities. Sucks.

I’ve been to San Francisco and New York; I thought I knew what I was doing when it came to pickpockets. It is so different when you don’t speak the language. You become a target; Americans tend to carry more money, cards, and other expensive stuff. So don’t leave yourself open to attack. Don’t speak loudly in English on the metro, guard your stuff well, make sure backpacks and purses are zipped and if something is in your pocket, take it out and put it away. You are at your most vulnerable when you are distracted. Don’t have your phone out willy-nilly, especially if you have the newest iPhone. Prep your stuff so that when you are dead tired after class and not paying attention, you still aren’t at risk. When I’m alone, I tend to try to sit in the front metro car with the operator, even if it is really full. It’s a technique I learned on other, more dangerous transit systems, although I don’t know if it works the same in Paris. As for “scary” people; those who push and ask for money or mutter under their breath: IGNORE. Stare out the window and don’t make eye contact, put in headphones if you have them, but don’t turn on your music. You want to hear if things take a turn for the worse. I will say, I have not encountered too many “crazies” in Paris as compared to San Francisco or New York, but I’m still going to go with my instincts for self-protection.

That’s all for part 2! Did I miss something that happened to you? Got a story or advice to share? Send it to me so we may commiserate together!

#study abroad #studying abroad #paris #paris study abroad #paris apartment #first day #first week #stress #scared #france #french #program #travel #travelin #europe

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