#this year did teach me why i write those stories in the last three days (because technically this year was like 3.5 days)
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First two years of Inklings Challenge: Spend most of the month trying to write a complicated epistolary fantasy, then in the last three days switch to a simpler idea.
This year's Inklings Challenge: Spend most of the month trying to write a simple idea, then in the last three days switch to writing a complicated epistolary fantasy.
#adventures in the inklings challenge#adventures in writing#this year did teach me why i write those stories in the last three days (because technically this year was like 3.5 days)#on days 1-3 i can sink into the story#but when i wake up in the morning on day 4 i'm convinced it's the dumbest idea i've ever had and i should be embarrassed to write it#but because of the deadline i have no other choice but to push forward#i'm still afraid that this story is an embarrassing piece of work#a self-indulgent piece building off of a two-year-long inside joke#in a format that's atrocious to read on tumblr#that gets so preachy that i deserve to be run out of town on a rail for crimes against christian art#but i never promised to give you good writing on this blog
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Begin again
Pairing: Azriel x reader
Plot: Azriel grants you your wish of being left alone for a while. The second the times up though, he starts his plan to win you back.
A/n this is the last part to Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t story. I would like to remind you that my requests are open (please try to send in fluffy or smut requests. I need to chill out on angsty stories for a while 😂😂😂)
Warning: fluff
Part One Part Two Bonus Scene
Clinging onto the hope you gave him the night of the dinner party, Azriel gave you the space you asked for and settled with giving you three weeks. He was still a wreck during those three weeks, but he spent that time planning the perfect way to win you back. When the three weeks were up, he set his plan into motion.
It started out small. He was leaving you roses by your front door with a note that included a happy memory you shared. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the memories he wrote down, from the first day you met to the first book he ever bought you just because he saw it and thought you might enjoy it.
You couldn’t believe he remembered the tiny moments you shared together and started feeling bad that you had been ignoring him for two years. You knew that any other male would have moved on if they were in Azriel’s position. Yet he stayed loyal to you, and while he was over the top while he begged for forgiveness he never once stopped fighting for you or your forgiveness.
He then resorted to the one thing he told Cassian he would never do, writing poems for you. Granted, they weren’t that great when he started writing them, but by the sixth week, he had you swooning by the time you finished reading the poem.
The best part was that he actually got help from some of your students. Every day, he would approach one of them and ask if they could hand you the poem and give you a beautiful set of either earrings or a necklace. The students would be excited that the spymaster of the night court asked them for a favor and were more than happy to deliver the poem, along with a few jewelry pieces.
Azriel would watch from a distance as you read the poem and held the piece of jewelry against your chest.
The next thing Azriel did was stop by the old dance studio you attended and properly apologize to your old instructor. He apologized for his actions and explained what drove him to do what he did.
Azriel was surprised when your old instructor accepted his apology and told him he would let you know that Azriel apologized to him. Of course, Azriel told him he didn’t have to do that, that he did it because it was the right thing to do. “The apology might be two years late, but at least you did it. Most males would never apologize in the first place, let alone an Illyrian male.”
Even though Azriel told him he didn’t have to, your old instructor stopped by your studio and informed you that Azriel apologized to him: “He seemed so remorseful for his actions. Do you ever plan on forgiving him?”
“I already have,” you confessed and started playing with the necklace Azriel had gifted you a few weeks back: “The thing is, I'm scared that he is going to resent me again and take his anger out my studio because I built a career out of something I’m passionate about. I love teaching dance too much just to go back to being the spymaster's mate.”
“Why can’t you be both?” your instructor pointed out: “Be the spymaster's mate AND an amazing dancing teacher.”
You went home that night replaying the conversation and wondered if your old instructor was right.
His big move came six months later. He had gotten wind that you were now providing private lessons for fae’s who were too shy to learn around other people. They would have to pay in order to receive those private lessons, but they were reasonably priced.
You thought others wouldn’t want to pay for private lessons after attending your other classes for free. You were surprised when all of your openings for private lessons were booked for the foreseeable future.
You were getting ready to teach someone late at night when you spotted Azriel walking through the front door: “Azriel! What are you doing here? I have a private lesson in five minutes.”
“I’m the one who requested the private lesson,” Azriel confessed: “Teach me everything you know about the thing you love the most.”
A smile formed on your face at Azriel’s request, and you were more than happy to oblige. You started teaching him the basics and were surprised at how fast he learned to dance. “Look at you,” you beamed at Azriel: “You’ll be a better dancer than me in no time.”
“Not possible,” Azriel stared lovingly at you.
By the end of the lesson, Azriel had his arms around your body, holding you close to him. He was enjoying having you in his arms after being denied it for years. “I’ve missed you so much, my love,” Azriel spoke into your hair before getting ahold of your chin and making you look into his eyes: “I am nothing without you.”
Azriel found himself staring at your lips and was tempted to lean in and kiss you, but he didn’t want to overstep and potentially ruin all of the progress he had accomplished thus far.
To his surprise, you were the one that pulled him into a kiss. He didn’t complain. As a matter of fact, he took control of the kiss immediately and had you pinned against the mirrored wall.
You let out a soft moan at Azriel’s action and found yourself pressing yourself against his body, desperate for his touch. “I really am sorry for all the pain I have caused you these past couple of years,” Azriel whispered as he cradled your neck: “I never realized how much I needed you in my life until you left me. I was such a fool for saying such hurtful things to you.”
A small smile appeared on your face at Azriel’s apology: “That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear you say. Thank you for apologizing and for all the flowers and poems you’ve sent me these past few months.”
“Can you come home now? Our house is not a home without you in it” Azriel begged, his scarred hands were now tangled in your hair.
“Yes, I will come home,” you replied before a mischievous smile appeared on your face: “But what do you say we spend the night here, just for tonight?” Azriel was going to question why you would want to sleep in your studio when you tapped on the mirror behind you. “You have always said it would be nice to fuck in front of a mirror. Well, we have one right here.”
“Have I told you how much I love you yet?” Azriel groaned before leaning in and capturing your lips again.
A/n. Let me know if you guys would be interested in a bonus scene with the reader, Azriel, and that mirror.
@byyalady @sheblogs @janebirkln @starsinyourseyes @cumuluscranium @honeybee54321 @pussyistasty-blog @azriels-shadowsinger @anuttellaa @pussyistasty-blog @fightmedraco @aunicornmademedoit @esposadomd @thelov3lybookworm @harrystylesfan2686 @sarawritestories @fxckmiup @sleepylunarwolf @mochibabycakes @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @stargirl1714 @tenshis-cake @tele86 @63angel @sagskylar01 @i-am-infinite @kristin813 @one-big-fangirl
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Three-headed dragon (Rhaenyra Targaryen x reader)
Summary: Three times Rhaenyra marked you, and one time you did too. Or snippets of the love story I so wanted to tell but didn’t feel confident enough to write.
Warnings: Implied smut. Dance of the dragons. Canon character death (Not Rhaenyra)
Rquested: Yes!
A/N: I have not read the books, and I have only gotten one hickey in my life. I hope my ability to describe it's alright. Ignore the bra and the hegemonic body in the first picture, it's for the vibes.
“How many years have you spent by my side?” Rhaenyra asks, as you fix her hair in the mirror. It’s an important day, even if none of you know it at the time. It’s early. Her husband is off somewhere, no longer sleeping in the same bed as her. She is too pregnant, she jokes. You doubt it. You have long wondered what her relationship with Prince Daemon is. Are they star crossed lovers, who finally get their happy ending? Are they Uncle and Niece, married out of political convenience? You can’t tell.
You know which one you prefer, though. It must be kept secret, this deep-seated, long-lasting admiration for your Princess. You have been through it all, together. Youth, marriages, motherhood, widowhood. Ruining it now, with your feelings, would be foolish.
“Since we were sixteen.” You place different ribbons over her hair, testing, draping. It’s not your job, technically. You are a noblewoman in your own right, not supposed to be here on Dragonstone, but back in the North, where your long deceased husband’s bones rest.
Not meant for marriage, and ready to start your career as a Septa, you had found yourself as a companion to a much younger Rhaenyra. She had secured, in an admirable move, a marriage by proxy with some old lord. You had not even managed to reach the North when he had passed, leaving you as the sole heir to a small castle close to the Boltons.
With such undesirable neighbors, and the news that your Lord Husband was dead, you had decided to come back into Rhaenyra’s service. Her companion through childhood, now by her side during the trials of adulthood.
“Sixteen. Such a long time.” Rhaenyra squeezed your hand, eyes meeting yours in the mirror. “Served loyally and never asking for anything in return.”
“Only your friendship.” Your love, you wanted to scream. Your love, for you to see me, since I am still here and I want you. Don’t you see how much it has hurt me, when I am yours, yours, and you were Criston’s, then- -
But you say nothing of the sort. Not wanting to ever risk what you had. Love is selfless, you remind yourself. You can’t have her, nor can you own her. Rhaenyra is the Seven Kingdoms, Aegon’s Crown. You cannot hope to own her or rule her. The Iron Throne, as everyone knows, was not made for a woman.
“You are not my friend,” Rhaenyra says, and the shock must show on your face because she laughs. Silver bells filling the room, the laughter of a golden Princess. “You are family, by this point. Haven’t you cared for the boys as if they were yours?”
And it’s true. You have loved those children because they are half her. You have been the preferred aunt, the accomplice, and the one to teach them things as important as the proper way to hold a quill. As the saying goes, it takes a village. The children are your combined efforts, alongside hers, Daemon’s and Harwin’s.
“You are as much a mother to them as I am.” Yours. Rhaenyra is saying the boys are as much hers as they are yours. “I have been thinking.”
You are so grateful for it, you could cry. But that’s not why Rhaenyra likes you.
“Oh? You are capable of it? We must inform the Maesters.”
Rhaenyra laughs.
“More respect for your future Queen.” She tries putting on a scolding expression, but is unable to keep her face straight.
“Oh, your majesty! I never meant to offend?” You give her a mock curtsy, and she giggles a bit more. You love her like this, you have come to realize. Rhaenyra is a woman of many flaws, even as a mother. She has grown into something larger than life, a presence that commands rooms yet manages to remain full of love to give.
“Stop it, you,” Rhaenyra complains. “I’m trying to do something here. Have a gesture.”
You sober up, a smile still tugging at your lips.
“I was thinking perhaps you should start wearing my house colors. And before you say anything, I mean it as an order. I already had you made three new gowns.”
You open and close your mouth a few times.
“Dragon got your tongue?” She teases, cradling her belly.
“Rhaenyra… I… Too much?” Because you are not sure what she is saying, but definitely she is not calling you sister. She would say it plainly, your Rhaenyra. That she is telling you to wear her house colors… That’s what men do. To their wives.
“It’s what you deserve.”
She is informed of her father’s death that day. The only person she allows in the room with her, as she loses baby Visenya, is you. From woman to woman. No one else gets to glimpse the fragile human who lives inside the dragon, not even Daemon.
You declare war dressed in black and red.
The Black Council is filled with fools, despite the support they show to Rhaenyra. You know it. She knows it. That’s why it doesn’t come as a surprise to you when you go to step inside the war room, and a guard bars the entrance with his lance. You have been expecting this moment. Dreading it, even. It was bound to happen.
“I am sorry, my Lady, but you are not allowed inside. Orders of the Prince consort.” Of course. Of course it's Daemon. Despite expecting it, you can’t help but be surprised at his boldness.
You don’t wish to make a scene. You truly don’t. But it scares you more than you thought it would. First, you will be banned from rooms. Then, dismissed, if not outright executed. This day had to come, you knew. Everyone had family on the other side of the war, with all the noble houses having intermarried at least once.
In the years to come, the conflict will be known as one that teared brother from brother. You don’t know this, you will not live to see it. Yet, it rattles in your bones.
“What? Prince Daemon?” You ask a little too loud. It attracts the attention of some other people in the hallway, including Rhaenyra who is just arriving. She looks more regal than ever in a black gown that compliments her pale skin.
Whispers start to break out among the gathered, surely reminding your heritage. Everyone is waiting to enter the war room, and the lance the guard has extended across the doorway is certainly drawing attention.
“What’s going on here?” Rhaenyra asks, placing a hand on your lower back and eyeing the guard with suspicion. The man lowers his head.
“My Queen, Prince Daemon has said…” He starts to explain, but Rhaenyra silences him with a dismissive wave of the hand. Ashamed, you lower your eyes.
“I do not care what he has said.”
“He has prohibited the Lady from entering…” The guard argues. Next to you, Rhaenyra tenses. You know he has already angered her, daring to speak above her like that.
“Is Prince Daemon King? Does he wear the crown?” She asks him, fiercely. The guard, wisely, keeps quiet. “She is my right hand. I will not suffer to see her disrespected.”
And with that, Rhaenyra moves the lance aside with a brush of her hand, leading you inside by the small of your back.
At the table, Daemon stands, moving some pieces along the map of Westeros. His back is to you, but he turns as he hears the commotion that precedes your arrival. A smug little smirk is on his lips, as he sees your discomfort.
“What are you…?” Daemon says, when he processes that you are, in fact, inside the room he had banned you from. Then, he notices Rhaenyra. “Ah.”
He squares his shoulders, getting ready for a fight. You try to pull away from Rhaenyra, but the hand on your back turns into claws, grasping at your dress to keep you right where you are.
“Why did you order the guards to not let her inside?” Rhaenyra speaks in a tone that leaves no room for argument. Daemon has to answer her or else. It’s a tone you had heard frequently when she tries to reign her sons in.
“Because I thought she didn’t belong in the war room, my Queen.” Daemon saunters towards you, no doubt trying to intimidate you. You lift your chin defiantly. Usually, you two avoid each other’s path. He resents your position in Rhaenyra's life, as her most trusted council. You resent that he gets to share her bed.
“You gave a ridiculous order.” Rhaenyra argues, rubbing your lower back in soothing circles, as if you were a spooked horse.
“Not so ridiculous. We have known for a long time there is a spy. Why should it not be your pet?”
“I am not! You truly think I would do something as vile?” Desperate and feeling powerless, you turn towards Rhaenyra. For a second, you truly think she might believe him. It’s the scariest second of your life. Losing her in a trap set up by Daemon? You hope she can see how genuine the next words you speak are. “I would never endanger the children, never endanger you!”
“I know.” Rhaenyra says, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I know.”
“Come on. Her family is as green as they come.” Daemon raises his hands in the air, as if asking for patience to the Seven Heavens.
“My family is here.” You say, firmly. “Jace, Luke, Joffrey, Viserys, Aegon…”
“So you say. But they are not your family, are they?” It feels as if Daemon has burned you. Nothing has hurt you more. Not even the accusations about you being a spy, or the time you thought you would have to leave Rhaenyra to marry some Lord in the North.
You have spent all your life next to her. All your best years. Now, you are an old spinster, despite being barely thirty. You have always wanted children, like any noble lady in Westeros. It was too late for it now. No lord would want a widow past her prime.
Yet, you have always thought that the void the lack of children of your own had left could be filled by Rhaenyra’s boys. Secretly, you thought yourself a mother already. What else could you be, when your name had been Jace’s first word? When you were the one holding Luke’s hands as he learned to walk?
Daemon wasn’t saying it openly, but it was clear that was what he meant. Rhaenyra’s children were not yours. As they had not been Harwin’s.
“They are!” Rhaenyra insists, but you are barely hearing it. The thought of it has left you too distraught to care about whatever you are discussing. It feels as if your heart is being carved out of your chest. Were Daemon about to suggest executing you for treason, you doubt you would worry. How could you, when it feels as if he has gutted you already? “We are. She is family. And I will hear no more of this matter.”
Her hand curves possessively around your waist. A claim, for everyone to see. You lean into her, shell shocked by it all.
But Daemon isn’t about to let this go. He pulls out a crumpled piece of parchment from his pocket, one you recognize too well. You slump in defeat, despite Rhaenyra’s hands urging you to stay upright.
Daemon clears his throat, dramatically.
“And I fear your time with the Princess.” He stresses the last word, making a long pause. You close your eyes, and keep them closed tight. “Has come to an end. I urge you to come back to the Stormlands, where no harm shall befall you. For King Aegon is the most merciful when the misguided sheep comes back to the herd.” Daemon crumples the paper, and throws it to the floor. You wince. “Nothing to say?”
You shake your head.
“Daemon…” Rhaenyra warns, arm around your waist turning into a vice-like grip. You do not understand it, then. It will be a long time before you do.
“Did or did not your father write that?” He whispers, dangerously.
“He did.” You answer, in a voice so small it’s nearly inaudible. Daemon slams his hand on the table, making you jump, and struts out of the room.
You start to sob, quietly. This is it. Rhaenyra is going to dismiss you from her service. It’s true that your father has been urging you to come back home, stating that you would be protected. Begging you, even. Promising all sorts of things, from freedom, to riches, to a husband, to becoming the wife of a Prince. That’s his level of desperation.
It’s unlike him, to worry so much. But you know part of it is not just fatherly affection and genuine concern for your well-being. No. Taking you from Rhaenyra’s side would be the greatest hit the Blacks could take. Lately, you are one of the few things keeping the Queen calm and tethered to reality. You love her, but ever since Luke passed, Rhaenyra has turned almost unrecognizable. She is paranoid and harsh in ways you had never seen before. Crueler. More Targaryen than usual.
And not only that. You hold an unusual amount of information inside your head. Battle plans, supply chains, locations. Everything that has been the key to the Black’s success so far, you know. The information is too valuable to pass on. If you were to turn to the Greens, you would have to share it, be it voluntarily or forcibly. You are not foolish enough to not know it.
“Breathe, darling.” Rhaenyra cradles your face between her hands. “It's alright. I know you would never betray me. Breathe.” She exaggerates her breathing, placing your hand on her chest. It’s only then you realize you have started to hyperventilate. She pulls you into her, hugging you. On the doorstep, Daemon watches.
You don’t know what has gotten into her. Never has she touched you like this. It’s not the first time you kissed. You had both been sixteen and curious, once. But it had not gone further than learning how to kiss another person without it being gross. Because that was what friends were for. Obviously.
She smells like soot and blood. It’s clear she has rushed to your side, not even taking time to change after the battle. You wonder who she killed, this time. What city has she burned, how many of the small folk she and Daemon have doomed?
“I thought… When they said there were revolts on the road….” And her mouth is yours, and you can’t think because you want her so bad you aren't concerned about the consequences. Half the Kingdom is against you, already. You are considered traitors on one side, she is the Queen on the other. What does it matter, really, that it’s called a sin? You will die anyway.
“You are mine. Please. Say it to me, love.” Rhaenyra pleads, kissing your jaw. She looks so gorgeous in armor, you feel like you might die any time you glance her way. And now, you get to have her. It’s intoxicating, having all that power at your fingertips. A goddess come to life, set on claiming you, you and only you.
“I am yours.” You say, kissing her brow. You won’t question it. Not when you are so close to getting your darkest fantasies come true. “I have always been.”
“Mine.” Rhaenyra kisses the hollow of your throat. “You are mine.”
She grabs your hand, pulling you towards a chair. The room you are in is not yours, nor hers. Neither of you care, too desperate for each other. Rhaenyra doesn’t care that her blood soaked armor is staining someone’s chair. You don’t care that your dress is getting thrown around someone's room. Just in your chemise, she pulls you into her lap.
It will have to be burned, after this. There is no way you will be able to salvage the white cotton shift after straddling her lap. The blood sticks the two of you together, but you are too joyous to care.
“I love you.” You say to her, as she bites down on the column of your throat, harshly. Still a little bloodthirsty.
A beat of silence. Have you ruined things before they truly began?
“I love you too.” Rhaenyra says, as she kisses your collarbones. “I love you, and you are mine.”
“All yours.” You answer, breathlessly. Purple flowers blooming across your collarbones, a red angry rose right by your ear. Her bloodstained hands leaving marks upon your arms.
“Yours, yours, yours.” You moan as someone clinging to a lifeline.
“All mine, all mine, all mine.” She answers back.
A bite where your shoulder meets your neck. It’s painful, stinging, your vision blurring into soft flashes of orange and red.
“Just take it for me, please. Please, sweet girl.” Rhaenyra sucks another bruise on your skin. Deep lilac that will bloom into soft green. “I need this. I need them to know you are mine, even if we can’t tell them.”
You pant. There is a certain pleasure to it, being kissed with the barest hint of teeth. But it’s more than just the kisses, what has you panting in arousal. It’s the way she treats your body as her own personal canvas. As if you were a precious artwork Rhaenyra is bringing to life with her kisses.
A maroon chrysanthemum, just over your collarbones. Front and center, the bruise blooms. Her hand, holding your jaw still for the softest torture.
You are uncertain if she is doing it out of fear, trying to make sure you are still there. If she is a bit sadistic, in the way Targaryens are. Or if this is simple, raw reassurance that you are willing to do anything she asks. You save the wondering for later, though. At the moment, you are too busy breaking down under the talented mouth of your Princess.
You don’t want to be separated from her. You know, you know, that something bad is about to happen. Some nights, you wake up, choked up in a bad feeling. You barely recognize her anymore.
Luke’s death had devastated everyone. You thought, after that, never again would you know such pain. You were mistaken. In the months to come, it was as if the children were falling as flies. Everywhere you looked. Jace, Joffrey, Viserys. And through it all, you had been by her side.
Rhaenyra has transformed into something that’s equally beautiful and terrifying. Far more determined and possessive, love harsher and unwilling to let go. Desperation does funny things to women.
As children, your love had been more pure. Untainted but also untested. Your innocence had been lost long ago. But a love that was not pure didn’t mean a love that meant less. it just meant it had grown and changed, as things often did.
Rhaenyra’s heart was not what it used to be when you two were younger. No longer filled with dreams of cake and laughter. But you weren’t the same girl, either.
Before, you had felt the urge to mark her and settled for being marked instead. You had told yourself you were not allowed to have her, that she was Laenor’s, Harwin’s, Daemon’s. And each and each time, you pulled back, curling into yourself. No more. It was not enough, to be hers. No. It was not enough to be owned. You had so little now, you wanted everyone to know she was yours as you were hers.
“Rhaenyra.” You ask her, as she pushes you down to your knees, tossing and turning in the sheets. “Rhaenyra.” As your teeth bruise her thighs, as you bring her over the edge over and over again.
“Darling. Love. Come here.” And you want to sob because it’s not enough. You want her to be yours. You want her to be yours, so you can drag her and the kids away from this madness, far away to a land where the war won’t touch you. Where there is no Iron Throne to destroy the family you have built little by little.
She will never go. Not even after all the boys die. Not even after Daemon is dead, in an incident that’s half an attempt to escape her, half a suicide mission. You have no other choice but to remain by her side, too far in to do otherwise.
Leaving is giving up. Leaving is losing. Leaving is renouncing the Iron Throne, her birthright. She will never go. Rhaenyra would rather tear the realm apart than save herself, and it terrifies you.
What terrifies you more is the fact that despite all the grief, all the pain, you do not regret loving her. You just regret not loving her in the way she deserves, in the way she has been asking for. The clothes, the hands, the bruises. Only now do you realize Rhaenyra has been trying to mark you, claim you. And it’s like you two are finally speaking the same language.
“Promise me.” You whisper against her hair, as you lay in bed together. “Promise you will never take this off.” And you are slipping her a silly thing, a medal of the Mother you always carry with you for protection. It’s not exactly your house’s jewelry, or your cloak, as a man would give to a wife.
Rhaenyra laughs. She finds your devotion to the Faith of the Seven silly. But she gets it, anyway. She puts the medal on, close to her heart.
You loved her differently now. No longer your silver Princess, your childhood companion. In your chest, curling around your heart, a dark possessive thread rests, tying you to her. Finally, you meet her in the middle.
Rhaenyra has always loved you like certain things are meant to be loved. In secrecy. In the dark. Not of her own will, but yours. Rhaenyra didn’t care what others thought. She had been so bold before, trying to get you to step in the light for once. You had not realized it at the time, you had not been ready. You had worried too much.
And now, with no time to worry left, with death threatening your doorstep, you realize exactly what you were missing out on. Every time she walks away, chain glistening between her breasts, you get a secret thrill. She is yours. You know it. It’s your mark Rhaenyra wears close to her heart.
#rhaenyra x reader#rhaenyra targaryen x reader#rhaenyra x you#rhaenyra x oc#rhaenyra targaryen#rhaenyra x fem!reader#rhaenyra targaryen fanfic#hotd fanfic#rhaenyra targaryen smut#rhaenyra smut#rhaenyra#rhaenyra targeryan#rhaenyra the cruel#queen rhaenyra
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Tag Meme
tag whoever you want to get to know better!
Thank you for the tag, @bendingwind! Responding here instead because my anime-heavy answers felt more relevant to B3 than whipplefilter.
I will no-pressure tag @dreaming-about-seireitei (idk why it won't let me tag you?? so I hope you see this if you want to do it!), @the-sage-libriomancer, and @paniniwrap, because you are my most recently-followed blogs~ I will also tag anyone who sees this and wants to do it, because I can guarantee you I want to read your responses!
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Three ships: Three ships I have written recently: Kira/Rose monsterfucking; Hinamori/Hitsugaya (rather, Kira developing minor negative feelings about Hitsugaya because IT’S A LOT, HINAMORI. Like I’m your bro, he assures her, but it’s a lot); Renji/Rukia, if only the dominoes would fall the right way, which at the moment they are not, for dumb work reasons and also their dumb coworkers.
First Ship: I dunno, Gabrielle/Xena?
Last song: I didn’t listen to any music today, so I guess by default… the 4th ED for Haikyuu?
Last Film: …Muppet Treasure Island, I think? Wow, I sure am getting an A+ in answering questions!
Currently Reading: In This World of Ultraviolet Light by Raul Palma, which is a collection of short stories that tend toward the skrunkly, the macabre, but are also just incredibly truthful. He gave a reading of “Stand Your Ground” last year, and it was so excellent I think it was THE best thing I read all year. It was the kind of story that makes you really want to write, because it’s so good and he’s so good.
Currently watching: We’re rewatching Haikyuu again, in a perpetual cycle of rewatching Haikyuu!! We just finished the Seijou/Karasuno rematch, which was an INCREDIBLY emotionally taxing experience, because I want Karasuno to win but I also want Oikawa to win, and the fine details of that match are overwhelming.
I was swapping anime recs with a friend on LJ the other day, and she was like, “Wow, we have such similar tastes! That’s so rare, as varied as anime can be.” And internally I was like, IT’S BECAUSE YOU ALREADY TOLD ME YOU HATED LONG SERIAL BATTLE SHOUNEN. ToT Nah. I mean, she did say that, but I was intentionally reccing her things I liked that I thought she would also like. XD It’s just that I thought she would like them for the fanservice and the angst, and I like them because of the like, folding tables. (I love you Seijou folding table and banner on the ground.)
I also have 20 minutes left of the series finale of Reservation Dogs, but I don’t want to say goodbye just yet.
Currently consuming: Faildinner, which is distinct from girldinner because it’s when you feel very smart about making dishes that do a good job of using up last week’s leftover ingredients, only to realize you’ve made a tomato-based potato/squash dish and a balsamic vinegar-based chicken dish, which is already ACID ON ACID until you realize you also made a shchi recipe that included SAUERKRAUT.
Currently craving: JUSTICE. Not to be overly dramatic. At work today an adult child said something innocently intended but honestly kind of fucked up and I am so mad about it. It’s not remotely his responsibility to know our ranks or employment histories, but he assumed my colleague was older and more experienced and that I was learning from her, because he could “see the similarities in our teaching style.” Which, I just wanna say, EXCUUUUUSE ME???? I actually have years more experience than her??? I don’t know how old she is but we’re functionally the same age. But she just came back from maternity leave, and those similarities in our style are because I DESIGNED. THAT COURSE. And I gave it to her and told her she was welcome to keep whatever and change whatever, because she just came back from maternity leave and she should get all the shortcuts she needs. But the course is similar to mine because I MADE IT. Like, what a bizarre set of assumptions to make. Again, doesn’t matter, it’s not his business, there’s no reason that’s information he should have or care about, but omg, definitely not over it. Thanks I hate it!! /end rant
#tag meme#for the record the recs i sent her way were for re-main with the description 'we watched this because we thought it would be very bad#but it's good actually. like it's bad but it's good. the major premise is an AMNESIA PLOT except it's also about water polo'#and 2.43 with the description 'we watched this for the fukui accents but it also boasts the most batshit sports-based childhood trauma#we have heretofore witnessed in the genre. also it was surprisingly decent'#and overtake! with 'we watched this because we thought it was going to be yuri on ice but very bad and it turned out to actually not be bad
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Oh. That's Not Good.
Someone brought up in my Discord praising how Luz has a negative character arc. The comments claimed that she broke the hero's journey goes off to scream at how wrong that is and how her arc was amazing and...
I got so angry that I gave myself a headache and made my eyes hurt.
I just hate Luz at this point. Luz is what broke the show initially for me after all because she's just a bad person. Unlike people who ACTUALLY try to subvert the Hero's Journey though, the show doesn't acknowledge she's a bad person. It excuses and wants you to sympathize with EVERY mistake she makes after Yesterday's Lie which is when Luz stops being a genuinely very common, basic ass cartoon protagonist. That is NOT a break in the hero's journey or brave storytelling, that's just ramping up the stakes, something I still think the show utterly fails at except through narrative cheats.
I want to remind everyone that a large part of why I've had to stop writing TOH fanfiction is because my brain couldn't let me write Luz for romance. Literally during a one off I was writing, my brain went, "That's out of character. She wouldn't care that much. She wouldn't be asking these questions and she wouldn't be inconveniencing herself." And this was BEFORE I started analyzing the show. Before I stopped watching it. But it WAS after Reaching Out, the episode I think most assassinates both Luz and Amity's characters and frankly killed canon Lumity for me, even if I didn't want to admit it at the time.
This isn't a normal analysis blog. I'm not trying to really teach with this. There's SO MUCH to learn from Luz's failings after all that I could but this feels more in line with the whole ten years reflection thing. After all, it's been almost two years since Reaching Out. I haven't finished a project in a year and a half. What do pretty much all of those projects have in common?
They were still trying to do Lumischa, despite one third of that equation being broken for my brain. I do wonder if it's why last night, I found a conversion edit of one of the kinkiest stories I've ever written so easy. It's as far away from Lumity and TOH as I could possibly get after all. And... Maybe that's just what I need to do if I have this subconcious anger about Luz.
That sucks. I don't like admitting it but... It's kind of just how it might need to be for me.
Edit: The fanfic this happened during, for those curious.
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For those potentially going "Which of your stories are you converting": None that I have publicly published. This was a 35k story I wrote four years ago during the kinkiest year of my writing (then followed up by a sapphic erotica story before starting the last three years of no erotica from me) and was one that when I finished it in like four days I went "I bet I could convert this because I'm actually kind of proud of it." And then I never got to that but did remember it yesterday and made actually some decent progress on it. Will I finish? Shrug But again, maybe it's the sort of change of pace I need.
Also no tags because this is more a vent than analysis and I don't feel like tagging that.
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Leap of Faith: Sokkla Saturdays 2022
Day 7: Flustered Azula
On FF.net//On AO3
And here's my second and last sequel this year. I really had a lot of stories I wished to expand on, but unfortunately the prompts didn't really allow for it in most cases. As I was a bit honor-bound to write this for the person who first encouraged me with this AU, here's the conclusion to Antarctica AU from last year. I actually had meant for all this to be a single story, but it was clear last year that I couldn't go all the way with it because I wouldn't have the time (And it would have been ridiculously long, too). Even now, I feel like I may have had to skim over a lot of things rather than going fully in-depth with everything... but I still hope that the people who enjoyed this story last year will be happy to see its continuation.
Here goes!
"Is it working? Can you hear us?"
"Yes, Father. Loud and clear."
"Good, then. How have you been, Azula?"
"Perfectly fine."
"I have read some scientific reports that say it's very unhealthy on the mind to be in the South Pole during the winter period: Azula, please tell me you'll have therapy services if you need them?"
"We do have them, but I said I'm fine so far, Mother…"
"Oh, this is madness. Why did we let you talk us into this?"
"I didn't talk either of you into this: you two were the ones who decided this was the perfect way for me to fulfill my calling…"
"And has it been? Surely after two weeks of no sunlight and near social isolation, you've thought differently of the matter, Azula…"
"I… can't say I do, Mother. Truthfully, I'm not feeling all that isolated so far. I'm getting along quite well with everyone who stayed in the station, so…"
"Are you? Are you friends with those girls Aang spoke about, then?"
"Indeed, Father…"
"And the boy? The winterover? That's the term, isn't it, Ursa?"
"Yes, I believe so…"
"Then? The Canadian, was it?"
"The Canadian, Sokka, is a perfectly agreeable co-worker, yes."
"Is he? Even if he's a total stranger?"
"Mother… he's not a total stranger anymore, hasn't been one for over three months. He was even more helpful to me than Aang back when I arrived, so…"
"I asked Aang about him, in fact. He says the boy has been… well, successful in his field, for his age. He rambled over something about a prediction of…"
"The neutrino background, yes. His predictions were the most accurate ones to what was genuinely observed, so…"
"Do you actually understand any of what that means by now, Azula?"
"More than you might have expected, Father. I've learned a lot here."
"Well… now you realize that a life in science is much more work than you used to think it was, I'm sure."
"I've always understood it entails much work, I simply hadn't experienced it myself. And honestly? A lot of actual people who worked very hard and have been studying for years would have done just about anything to get my current job, but they didn't get the chance to put their training to good use… all because you intervened and got me the position instead. So…"
"Azula, please, it's for your own good…!"
"We did this to teach you responsibility, to ensure you were aware of the path ahead of you. And if you claim to be fine with it…"
"If I do, then it's proof that you were wrong to hope I might be talked out of it, isn't it?"
"Azula… you needn't be so stubborn, dear. We've seen your Instagram posts…"
"O-oh. You have, have you?"
"I understand you may be getting used to that life by now after all these months, but please don't lie to your mother, will you? Putting on a strong front just to prove some sort of point… it's not going to work. You'll only make yourself more miserable if you've already understood that this isn't the kind of life you're prepared for."
A heavy sigh and a glower. Those were Azula's responses to that line of reasoning.
She sat in the conference room, during the satellite hours that she would have sooner spent doing anything other than this. Her parents sat together at the other side of the screen, watching her with apparent concern – or with disapproval, either way. She wasn't quite sure what their expression really conveyed, for the bandwidth wasn't all that powerful, and they were terribly pixelated.
Thus, she hoped they wouldn't be able to see her properly, either. That they wouldn't be able to pick up on the light nuances of her expressions, or the marks on her neck…
"Please, Azula… you won't be coming home for the next six months, or however long it will be," Ursa continued, ever trying to appeal to her emotions. "We needn't have more conflicts over your future once you do. We may have been too harsh…"
"We weren't harsh," Ozai huffed. "We were teaching her a lesson…"
"And I'm sure she has learned it by now, Ozai," Ursa said, bluntly. "Oh, honestly… this has escalated too much. And with Aang being home instead of there with you…"
"I thought you were happy that I've made new friends," Azula said, with a dry grin. "I really have, Mother. And Sokka is a perfect gentleman, too…"
"I certainly hope so. A good Canadian boy?" Ursa said, breathing deeply and nodding. "Better than an American, it's true. All I hear about Americans is that they're… oh, their manners are as good as non-existent."
"Mother…" Azula said, smirking slightly at her mother's concern. Ozai cleared his throat.
"Either way… your struggles in the South Pole should have taught you not to be so impulsive and to take your future seriously. The choices you make cannot be made lightly. The future of Burma, your nation, rides on the shoulders of all your generation, no matter if you're from a secondary branch of the Royal Family…"
"I know, I know…" Azula sighed, rolling her eyes: the door opened then, and she glanced in its direction.
He was far more confident these days. The tension between them had crumbled… and it had been replaced by a comfort, an ease that she feared might manifest itself plainly on her face even if the feed from her video wasn't of the highest quality. Even so, she failed to repress a smile as he gestured at her about something she didn't understand right away. She raised an eyebrow, and he offered her a weak smile before she focused on her parents again.
"Something's happening," Azula said, giving them a dry grin. "I suppose you'll be calling on occasion, going forward?"
"We might, as long as your meager Internet allows it and we are not otherwise engaged," Ozai said, bluntly. Azula sighed and shrugged.
"If so… I'll speak with the two of you later? I can't mess up my duties, whole institutes of science all across the world are counting on me, so…"
"Oh, Azula, please be careful! And if anything happens with your friends or that boy…!"
Azula smiled: the boy in question raised an eyebrow as she met his eyes.
"I will let you know at once," Azula lied, tapping the button to end the call quickly and ensuring her parents wouldn't get a single more word in.
Resting against the doorframe now, Sokka smirked and raised an eyebrow as Azula imitated his expression, pushing herself up to her feet and closing her laptop's lid unceremoniously.
"You'll let them know, will you?" Sokka asked. "I didn't realize you and your parents were so close…"
"Ah, you know how it is, we're always in touch! It's not like this is the first time they've called since I first got here, of course not…" Azula said, rolling her eyes and speaking as dramatically as possible as she approached him. "Evidently, they're well aware of the fact that… that my roommate is my boyfriend now. Of course they are."
"Do they even know I'm your roommate, to begin with?" Sokka asked, with a smirk: he cupped her face when she reached him, and their lips joined in a gentle, quick kiss.
"Evidently not. Had they known that, you can be certain they would've intervened at once during the summer months," Azula smirked. "And nowadays? They'd likely say that we don't need roommates at all, since most the station is empty and there's lots of available rooms…"
"Ah, but this way we'll be more economic about the heating, won't we?" Sokka smirked, wrapping his arms around her waist. Azula snorted, shaking her head as she kissed him again.
"Sure, that's what's on our mind constantly when we go to bed together. We're just doing it to save energy, absolutely," she said, mockingly. Sokka laughed wonderfully, pulling her closer.
She should have asked him what had happened, why he had interrupted the meeting when he had… though she was grateful for it, of course. She had outright told him that any excuse to call her back from the conference room would be agreeable, for the less time she spent speaking with her parents, the more likely she was to succeed at convincing them that she was still miserable, that she wasn't adapting right, that her false posts and stories from Instagram were entirely accurate, instead… but it seemed her parents had finally decided they'd relent on her punishment. Ironic that they'd do so just when they weren't bound to be able to do anything to bring her back home…
For it was winter in Antarctica. The last plane had left the station over a month ago and the sunlight was gone. Perhaps it was true that the psychological toll it might take on all of them would be severe eventually… but for now, Azula was rather delighted to share all those nights with the man whose hands caressed her intimately right now, down to even cupping her rear as she grinded her body against his, keeping him pressed to that doorframe while kissing him deeply.
So far, their relationship was a wonderful secret kept by the winterovers in the Amundsen-Scott Station. They had been teased relentlessly over their 'honeymoon period' after being caught kissing furtively numerous times by now, and today, of course, would be no different…
"Heh! No wonder you're late!"
Azula smirked even before pulling away from Sokka's lips. His enthusiasm dwindled, and she wasn't surprised at all to look up at his handsome face to find it entirely flushed: his hand had left her rear nervously, and she groaned in disappointment for it, pressing her brow to his.
"I liked feeling your hand there…" she said, softly. Sokka chuckled shyly, dropping his head on her shoulder as Azula rolled her eyes and glanced out at the corridor: "To what do we owe this terribly inopportune interruption?"
"To the fact that you two lovebirds ought to get your extreme weather gear on right now," Korra responded down the hallway, smirking back at Azula. "Took a while… but our first official auroras are finally here!"
Azula's eyes widened. Sokka smiled weakly as he pulled back, smiling sadly at Azula, who gaped at him in surprise.
"Nothing was up in the lab, if you thought that was it," he said. "I was just coming to get you because of the auroras, but… well, you know."
"Oh, I do know. I'm terribly distracting, aren't I?" Azula smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek before glancing at Korra, who continued to smirk judgmentally at them from further down the corridor. "We'll be there, go on first…"
"Yeah, bet you're going to be like two hours late, like you were for the sunset dinner, aren't you?"
"We might be. What about it?" Azula said, with a smug smirk. Korra chuckled as she walked away, right back to the coat room to prepare herself for the outing.
Azula sighed, glancing at Sokka again… to find him deeply flustered and utterly red in the face. She chuckled, shaking her head as she caressed his hair gently.
"For someone who's gotten so good at the naughty things we do in private, you're still insanely shy about public displays of affection, aren't you?" she asked. Sokka grimaced, covering his face with his hands.
"I'm an idiot for that, aren't I? I just… get so self-aware. It's not the same if it's just you, you know?" Sokka sighed, shaking his head. "Ugh, anyway. Let's get going, the auroras will be great! I caught a glimpse of one just before I came to get you, and I figured it might cheer you up after talking with your parents. I kind of overheard some of that and… they're sure you're miserable, still?"
"I haven't really shown evidence of the opposite, so of course they are," Azula shrugged.
She clasped Sokka's hand, guiding him to the stairs Korra had taken off through. Her fingers slid through his… and once they reached the lower floor, Azula knew that his hand would tremble lightly upon being seen by the rest of the group over holding hers. His nervousness about his first genuine relationship was certainly endearing, though Azula hoped she'd find a way to help him get over it sooner than later.
"I honestly don't know what I'm going to do in the future," Azula said. "Tricking them was effective for the time being, but I fear they're going to be a pain about how I've just suffered here and how that proves I'm not ready for a life in STEM and whatnot…"
"Guess you'll have to come clean eventually, right?" Sokka said. Azula grimaced.
"I should, but I fear they won't believe me. It's convenient for them to believe the pretense of misery… if just for now," she said. "Like I told you, my father is reckless and rich enough to demand that an airplane is sent in the middle of winter to retrieve me and get me out of here if he starts to believe that I'm enjoying it… so, for the sake of our relationship, I guess I'm better off pretending I really am miserable. And of course, telling them there's a relationship is…"
"Off the table," Sokka said, with a sad smile. "Guess so."
"They're going to be a pain as soon as they know," Azula sighed.
"Would they pressure you to dump me?" Sokka asked. Azula scowled.
"And I would ignore them if they did. Much as I've ignored them about giving up my hopes for a career in science, too," she said, stubbornly. Sokka smiled warmly at her.
"It's crazy to think I'm with you most days… crazier still to think you're willing to fight your family this hard to make sure we'll stay together even if they don't like it," he said. Azula smirked.
"I suppose you'd be too flustered to do so if our roles were reversed, huh?" she said: his hand had started to tremble already, just as Suki shot them a teasing, knowing grin once they reached the lower floor. Sokka pouted, cheeks red as he glanced at Azula.
"I… well, I don't think so. I mean, I might be blushing the whole time, but I'd fight for you too…" he huffed. Azula chuckled, squeezing his hand gently as she led him towards the coat room.
"What a dashing, blushing fairytale prince you are," she said. Sokka's cheeks reddened further: most their friends were within earshot by then. They'd heard those words and chuckled, and his self-awareness only built up further because of it.
It wasn't like he was genuinely uncomfortable… he just didn't know how to relax yet. He kept thinking that maybe once their relationship wasn't something as new as it was right now, he'd feel and act differently… but for now, he couldn't help but think everyone was judging him constantly. That if he wasn't on his best behavior, he would prove himself unworthy of his beautiful, wonderful, high-class girlfriend… where she could tease him for being a fairytale prince, the truth was that she was a modern princess from the Kingdom of Burma, herself. And he was a simple guy from Canada who happened to get a few scholarships that helped him progress in academia, all the way to landing his dream job for the IceCube experiment. That opportunity had already promised to shape into the greatest highlight of his career so far… then, Azula had showed up in his life and she had cemented that certainty for him.
His crush on her had been virtually immediate, but in the time since he first met her his feelings for her had deepened rather quickly, far more than he had expected. Where he had misunderstood her flirting as something playful and meaningless for her, though, she had been just as smitten with him as he had been with her, it seemed. When Aang, her initial winterover partner, had no choice but to return home after his grandfather's health had taken a turn for the worse, Sokka had stepped up and ensured to take Aang's place… he would have never left Azula to face the difficulties of winter in the Station alone. At first, he had simply wanted to help her at all costs…
Now, he certainly wanted to help her still while also basking in the wonders of being in a fulfilling relationship with the girl he liked.
Clad fully in their extreme weather gear, though, romance seemed to be in short supply, since moving around was quite difficult with multiple layers of clothes wrapped around their bodies. Even holding hands was strange, and the thick protections didn't stop the cold from nipping away at them, threatening to slip through any gaps in their clothes if they had been careless in any way. Still, they could enjoy the sight of those beautiful, glorious lights that brightened the world around them, and as clunky as movement might be, it didn't dampen the excitement of the many winterovers who had looked forward to this moment for a long time.
"How do you plan to spin this one into a story of your misery on Instagram, huh?" Sokka teased Azula, an arm around her waist as she raised her phone, snapping numerous pictures of the aurora above them.
"Uh…" she bit her lip, smirking slightly – Sokka wouldn't be able to notice her facial expression right now, but he could guess at it anyway from her voice's tone. "I don't know. How about saying I'm very lonely and that only the lights keep me company, or so?"
"So tragic," Sokka sighed dramatically. Azula chuckled, dropping her head on his shoulder.
"We'll probably have to take some group photos too… but I want one of the two of us first," Azula decided. "Or several, anyway."
"Guess you won't be posting those, huh?" Sokka smiled. Azula shook her head.
"Afraid not. Otherwise, like I said…"
"Your father will decide to come here and get you out of my wicked arms…" Sokka growled playfully, hugging Azula tightly.
She laughed, raising her camera and awkwardly tapping the frontal camera option with her mittens… only to find that they were utterly undistinguishable. Under all those layers of clothes, they could be literally anyone.
"Well, that's sad," Azula sighed, but she snapped a few pictures anyway. "Hmm. We'll have to think of something more artistic, I think. Like… our hands linked, right before the aurora."
"Oh?" Sokka smiled, as Azula bit her lip and dragged him towards their friends.
He was trembling again when his hand held hers before the others, and not because of the cold. The rest of the winterovers laughed at his tension, telling him he was blushing so brightly it glowed out of his balaclava as they took pictures of the full group. Oh, but if enduring that teasing was the price for being with Azula, he paid it gladly…
Hours later, once the whole group had returned to the warmth of the station's dining area, the galley, Azula beamed as she showed Sokka the many pictures they'd taken outside the station: the silhouettes of their hands linked, right before the glowing lights of the auroras, was a beautiful sight to behold.
"I'm almost tempted to make it my profile picture," Azula confessed, laughing as she clasped Sokka's hand over the table. He smiled gently at her… before blushing when someone else responded to Azula, reminding him again that they weren't alone.
"You should!" Yue said, smiling cheerfully. "It's a great picture. I'm making the group one mine, though…"
"We'll have lots of chances to take good pictures over the next months. It's going to stop being such a novelty before you know it," Suki smiled, and Yue huffed before making her point by posting the picture indeed.
"Doesn't matter. It's worth cherishing while it's happening," she decided, smiling brightly at her girlfriend.
"It is… it really is," Azula said: her family's circumstances were no secret for the others, though she had never gone in-depth about them with anyone other than Sokka.
She wished she could be so bold, so open about how much fun she was having, about how much she was learning and enjoying while in Antarctica. But the awareness of what her father was likely to react like if he realized she wasn't miserable at all… that was already worrisome enough, worse yet if he learned that her relationship with Sokka wasn't strictly professional. It was why Azula had impressed upon everyone to keep quiet about their relationship and not tell Aang about it, for he'd likely spill the truth to her brother in a matter of instants after learning of it. And Ozai was certain to find out soon after that…
Though truthfully, Ozai would find out eventually. Azula had no intentions of breaking up with Sokka after their period as winterovers ended. Yet the very immediate challenges of their stay in Antarctica had completely swept aside her vision of the future beyond this, it seemed… until this sudden clarity had struck her.
What would happen after this ended? For now, it was fun to enjoy the commodities and possibilities of the station… but no one could stay in Antarctica forever. Especially not princesses of the Burmese Royal Family…
"… I'm just saying, you're too shy for someone who was that quick to grope his girlfriend's ass earlier," Korra's voice broke into Azula's train of thought, and she frowned upon realizing she was speaking to Sokka.
A very flustered Sokka, of course, whose face was beet red as he held Azula's hand nervously. Korra, naturally, smirked deviously at him while Asami elbowed her gently in the ribs.
"He's allowed to be shy, don't pick on him," she said. Korra snorted.
"I don't think he's shy at all, honestly. This is just a cutesy act, but deep down…" Korra smirked, before focusing on her meal. Sokka grimaced, shaking his head as he tried to focus on his, too. Azula smiled at him as he pouted slightly.
"Well, I'm pretty sure none of you would be any better if you were in my shoes…" he grumbled. The girls at the table whistled and gasped in surprise at his remark, and his embarrassment increased further.
"Well, that's not entirely right, because we're all dating the girls of our dreams… save for Azula, who's dating the guy of hers, I suppose," Suki chuckled. Azula smirked at her response. "It's kind of funny that you're so shy about it, though. Seems like the norm, huh? Korra and Asami are kind of like that too: Korra's shameless, Asami isn't…"
"Asami was never as shy as Sokka, though," Korra said, smirking at him again. "Come on, honestly, what do you have to hide anymore? We've told you both a million things about our relationships, what's so wrong about sharing stuff about yours?"
"Well… Sokka is uncomfortable with it, I suppose," Azula said, smiling as Sokka eyed her helplessly. "I suppose he and I are simply more private than all of you. To a fault, anyway."
"But you wouldn't mind talking about things if only he didn't mind, either," said Suki, with a lop-sided grin. "You haven't been flustered easily ever since you two got serious about each other, Azula."
"Heh, compared to Sokka, I suppose not," Azula smiled. Sokka pouted.
"Don't join them, they're tormenting me enough as it is…" he said, and Azula laughed as she rubbed the back of his hand affectionately with her thumb.
"Nah, not just compared to Sokka, just in general," Korra said. "You were very much shameless about how desperate you were about getting his attention before, after all."
"You were…?" Sokka said, raising his eyebrows and smiling at Azula. She blinked blankly before returning his stare.
"I was. You were impossibly dense," she responded, bluntly: even now, when Sokka had a potential opportunity to make Azula blush, it was him who wound up red in the face anew while the others laughed at his embarrassment. "Admittedly, the more innocent and gentlemanly you were, the more appealing I found you, but still…"
"We can tell you all about how frustrated she was, if you really want to know," Asami smiled at Sokka. "But frankly, I don't think you'll succeed at making her blush as much as she makes you blush, so…"
"I suppose it's not likely, but still… worth a shot," Sokka pouted. Azula smirked at him.
"Now, come on. You seriously want to embarrass me?" she asked. Sokka stared at her intently. "What could you possibly hope to gain from that? We'd simply be two blushing idiots rather than one blushing idiot and one non-blushing idiot, so…"
"Well…! It's just awkward being so awkward," Sokka groaned, burying his face in his hand. "I feel like a dumbass for, well… reacting like this to everything. But it's okay! I'll work on it!"
"You will? Well, that'll be a shame. You're very cute when you're embarrassed," Azula grinned deviously: her words of course caused Sokka to grimace, face flushed while the rest of their friends laughed at his reaction.
He was a lot less uptight when they were alone, of course: his revenge for Azula's teasing took a most agreeable form in passionate lovemaking that night. Azula couldn't stop smiling as she collapsed on the mattress, with Sokka lying beside her and pressing numerous kisses to her neck, shoulder and collarbone.
"Not so shy now, are we?" Azula asked, smiling at him. Sokka scoffed, pouting.
"It's way easier when we're alone," he said. "I'm not worried about… uh, I don't even know what I'm worried about. Guess it's… being judged. Being mocked? Being… told that I'm not good enough for you? Pick your poison, I suppose…"
"Nobody else gets to decide if you are or aren't," Azula said, cupping his face delicately. "But I suppose this is all too new for you, huh? And… the rest of them love to poke fun at us."
"Which never seems to bother you," Sokka said, eyeing her helplessly. "How do you do it? Is there some secret that's only accessed by people with prior experience in genuine relationships, or…?"
"No," Azula chuckled. "Though I guess it might seem like it to you. But honestly, Sokka, you haven't been a virgin for a couple of weeks now. I make sure to remind you of it as often as possible too, so… what do you have to be so worried about? Our friends only make fun of us because you make it too easy for them. Once you get used to it, everything will be perfectly normal again. Life hasn't changed that much, honestly… you just get laid nowadays and get away with kissing me if you feel like it."
"I always feel like it," Sokka said, diving quickly for a peck. Azula smiled in response to it. "But… well, I suppose I've just been waiting for something like this all my life. Wondering if I'd ever find someone… thinking I might not, too. I guess I was ready to live out my life without ever finding actual love… and then you came along. And not only are you pretty much everything I never knew I was dreaming of, but you like me, too. So… if I were lukewarm about you, I'd probably be less flustered than I am. I like you too much, I suppose, and I keep thinking I'm the luckiest asshole there is because… because I get to be with you. And that's why I end up as flustered as I am, heh…"
"You're ridiculously sweet," Azula whispered, cupping his face gently and kissing his lips. Sokka hummed, hugging her closely. "I admit I kind of like that you're so giddy and so nervous about being with me in public… it's endearing. But I suppose you'll just get used to it, to us, sooner than later. Maybe… maybe we can help you grow more comfortable with it, little by little?"
"How?" Sokka asked, his hand gliding gently over Azula's flank.
"Well, clearly getting caught while we're kissing isn't working," Azula chuckled, and Sokka smiled awkwardly. "So maybe… smaller things. You still get flustered over holding hands, but…"
"But I want to hold your hand," Sokka mumbled. "Even if I do get flustered about it."
"See? You're endearing," Azula sighed. "I'm thinking, though… maybe it'd be easier for you if we just do fun things together. If maybe… you coach me at the weight gym? How does that sound?"
"Huh. Interesting, I guess," Sokka said, raising his eyebrows. Azula smiled. "Didn't know you wanted me to coach you…"
"Well, I do admire you plenty when you're in that gym, might as well give you something to admire too, once in a while," Azula said. Sokka scoffed.
"I always admire you. Whether you notice it or not," Sokka smirked. "I look very respectfully… and sometimes not that respectfully at all."
His eyes drifted down over her bare body, a teasing smirk on his lips. Azula huffed, tickling his flanks lightly.
"So very shy and innocent indeed, maybe Korra's right to say you make no sense," Azula said, and Sokka chuckled in response. "Though, before you get self-aware, I want to state, for the record, that I certainly enjoy the lustful stares just as much as the sweet and tender ones. So yes, the gym idea isn't bad, is it? Ah, and we could do some basketball too, maybe we could play with the others even if we'd only be able to play three-on-three…"
"Not a bad idea either," Sokka smiled.
"There's the music room… you don't know how to play any instruments, right?" Azula asked. "I know the basics for some, so I could teach you what I know. We wouldn't have to be holding hands constantly while we do this, but we can talk the whole time and simply be us in public. If you want to kiss me then, you'll be perfectly free to do so… and I'll welcome it gladly, just so you know."
"I suppose you would," Sokka smiled, pressing his brow to hers. "I'll welcome it gladly too, if you ever feel the urge to kiss me all of sudden."
"Great. Lots of surprise kisses will be had, if so," Azula smirked. Sokka chuckled. "This might not work perfectly, but easing you into getting used to having a girlfriend will take time, I suspect. Fortunately, we have around eight months left of being here… so that means you have plenty of time to get used to it after all."
"And I'm very grateful for that," Sokka admitted, with a sad smile. "Eight months, though… it sounds like a lot, but it's freaky to think about anyway. I don't really want those eight months to end, even if I know they have to…"
"I don't want them to end either," Azula confessed, caressing his chest gently. "It's too soon to tell what's going to happen eventually, I know that, but… I don't want things to end between us once our time here is over. You'll have to go back to Canada, and I to Burma, so… I don't know how we'll handle that mess. But…"
"Well… I have thought about it a little," Sokka admitted. Azula raised her eyebrows. "You know, you want to study physics properly, right? And as you are right now, you'd absolutely ace an entrance exam. You've learned a lot, way more than most students get to learn before starting their university careers, and you've experienced a life in science, so… I'd think you could apply to universities outside of Burma, maybe even in Canada…?"
He smiled awkwardly and Azula's eyes widened. The notion of living with Sokka shouldn't have been so surprising – they had been living together for the past three months as it was, and quite physically at that during the last two weeks. Still… that he would offer that opportunity so readily surprised her. It brought a smile to her face, just as well…
"That would be… well, ideal, but my parents aren't bound to be thrilled about it," Azula admitted, with a sad smile. "They will be particularly annoying once they learn we're together… which they'll discover eventually. We can't hide what we are forever, after all."
"I guess not," Sokka said, swallowing hard. "Do you think I could do something to win them over? I know Burma's twitchy about foreigners but… I've read about it again, and it seems that, if permission is granted legally, I could marry you eventually? Not saying I'll jump right away to do that, I mean, not unless you want me to…"
"Oh, I want you to," Azula said, bluntly, and Sokka snorted and laughed at her declaration. "What?"
"Well… guess Korra has a point about you being completely shameless," Sokka chuckled. Azula smiled deviously at him. "This wasn't my proposal, alright? I… will make a better one once I'm ready."
"Huh… I'll look forward to it, then. Though, unfortunately, you already know what I'll answer," Azula said, frowning. "I suppose that was a spoiler, huh?"
"Spoilers for my eventual, future proposal?" Sokka repeated, with a chuckle. "The way your mind works is glorious to me. But anyway, I… I just wanted to be sure that possibility is on the table."
"Well… it is, but my grandfather literally controls Burma, remember?" Azula said. "And my father has enough sway in courts to demand that they refuse your request to marry me at all, if he feels like it. So…"
"So, I have to convince them that I'm good for you?" Sokka asked. Azula shrugged. "Well… heh. I'll definitely do my best, but they sound like they'll never want to accept me, huh? Especially as you're royal…"
"Royalty has been known to marry foreigners for political alliances," Azula sighed, smiling at Sokka with helplessness. "You're not the heir to some sort of secret royal family in Canada, are you?"
"Eh, no," Sokka smiled awkwardly, and Azula chuckled.
"Worth a shot," she said. "Is your father a big businessman?"
"Nope," Sokka shook his head. Azula bit her lip.
"Then yeah, they're bound to say you're not on my social level or whatever… and then I'll remind them I'm perfectly willing to abandon my claim to the throne, and they'll ignore me. As always," she sighed. "My family is nothing if not predictable."
"No wonder you don't get along with them, because you're pretty much the exact opposite thing," Sokka smiled. "We're stuck, though, aren't we? If you insist on being with me, they'll likely just try harder to destroy your future in science too, to ensure that I won't continue to steer you away from your homeland…"
"That's a possibility, yes," Azula acknowledged, disheartened. Sokka gritted his teeth.
"I don't want to be an ass, but… your family sucks," he said. Azula actually smiled at that.
"You're not an ass for telling the truth," Azula said, inching closer to him and hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry I'm putting you in such an awkward situation. I really wish I could just… break free, I guess. I don't want to abandon my nation for good or so… but with a family like mine, the temptation to do exactly that gets stronger every day."
"I guess so," Sokka whispered, pressing his brow to hers. "I suppose we'll have the rest of the year to come up with ideas to figure this out, though. Right?"
"Who knows? Maybe by the time we're close to finished here, you'll be sick of me and looking forward to running away from me at once," Azula smirked up at him, and Sokka gasped, affronted.
"How dare you!" he huffed, hugging her tightly as she laughed at his silly behavior. "If anything, you'll likely realize that I have some habit you consider gross and dump me for that…"
"Really? You eat your nails, do you?" Azula asked. Sokka chuckled.
"Nope."
"Your toenails…?"
"Ew!"
"Well, I suppose there are other gross habits, but it's good that you don't do either of those," Azula laughed, hugging the revolted Sokka tightly too.
"I'll try not to do anything on that level anyway," Sokka said, caressing her back gently. "I didn't really get to say it before, but… it's pretty unreal for me to be here still. I mean, as a winterover, since I wasn't supposed to be one…"
"It's unreal for me too, though in a good way," Azula said, smiling and prodding his nose with hers. Sokka cupped her cheek, kissing her softly.
"I just wish… I wish we could've kissed under the aurora, heh," he chuckled. Azula sighed but smiled fondly at him. "That'd have been one hell of a picture too, right?"
"And one hell of a hypothermia," Azula said. Sokka laughed, biting his lip.
"Speaking of hypothermia…"
"What…?" Azula blinked blankly before staring at him pointedly. "Sokka? Why do we need to speak of hypothermia?"
"Uh, well, you see… do you remember what we talked about, that first time we were in the sauna together?" Sokka asked, nervously. Azula's eyes narrowed. "I mean, you were very drowsy, so I guess maybe you don't remember. But… the 300 Club?"
"The… wait, that thing about running outside in the ice after cranking up the heat in the sauna?" Azula asked, eyes wide. "The nonsense of going through three hundred degrees of temperature at once?"
"Yeah?" Sokka smiled awkwardly. Azula's amusement was well and truly gone by now as she stared at him in wary disbelief.
"I'm not going to…"
"Oh, no. You don't have to do it. I'm just saying, I… wouldn't mind trying it?" Sokka said, with an awkward smile. Azula gasped. "Look, it's ridiculous, but…"
"Sokka, you can't even hold my hand in public without trembling, but you're going to run into the ice naked, do a lap around the Ceremonial Pole and return to the station?" Azula said, staring at him sternly. Sokka grimaced.
"W-well, when you put it that way…" Sokka said, but he pouted. "Still, it's kind of a waste to have a chance to do it and not do it, you know?"
"You're mad," Azula said, shaking her head as Sokka grinned awkwardly. "I'm reluctant to freeze by kissing you under the aurora, and you're willing to do something as insane as that challenge?"
"There's a lot of things we should do, Azula," Sokka chuckled. "Including, of course, your design for the pole marker…"
"Yep, and I really should focus more on that," Azula said, grimacing.
"And we can go through the underground… uh, underice tunnels?" Sokka laughed. "Korra said she could give us a tour if we really wanted to check them out. And there's also the big events like… the Polympics!"
"You mean, Olympics for the South Pole?"
"Technically, most of us are from different countries so I think it's a pretty weird way to go about holding our own Olympics," Sokka chuckled. "Also, the race around the world? Have you heard of that one?"
"I think I did," Azula said. "Some ridiculous race around the Geographic Pole, where we'd do a lap around it and go through every time zone, right?"
"Exactly," Sokka grinned. Azula chuckled, shaking her head.
"It sounds like you really wanted to do a lot of winterover things while not being one," she said. "I suppose we can try to do as many of those as we can, but… I'm not joining your crazy 300-degree adventure. I'll wait for you in the station, at best, to yell at you for being so reckless. How about it?"
"Perfect," Sokka grinned. Azula laughed, kissing him softly. "Honestly… I don't know if we'll ever get to do this again. I hope we do, but with your family being as it is… maybe they'll think you can't come back if you say you want to, right?"
"Knowing them… yes," Azula sighed.
"So… it might be our only chance to pull off all these crazy things, you know?" Sokka said, his fingers trailing over her brow, through her dark tresses. "Not trying to be a downer here, but…"
"It is kind of a downer to think about it that way," Azula acknowledged: her grip around him tightened as she pressed her face to his chest. "I really shouldn't like you as much as I do. The very notion of… of not being able to be with you after this is terrifying, Sokka."
"It is for me too," Sokka sighed. "I guess… it's further reason to make as many fun memories and enjoy all the experiences we can before it ends?"
"How depressing," Azula sighed. "I suppose we'll have to take pictures of everything to make sure we don't forget anything at all, and not just to send them back to the IceCube people so they can post them online…"
"You keep posting pictures of your own in your Instagram anyway," Sokka said, smiling fondly at her. Azula sighed.
"Not the ones I wish I could," she said. "It's not fair having to hide what we mean to each other…"
"Maybe we don't have to," Sokka said. Azula raised an eyebrow, glancing at him in confusion. "I mean… we would be hiding, in a sense, even if we did what I just thought of. But how about if I post them?"
"You…?" Azula blinked blankly. Sokka grinned.
"If I simply post them on my account, where I only have one follower… as in, you," Sokka said. "I wouldn't tag anything, I wouldn't link anything back to you, so people wouldn't be able to see those pictures easily…"
"Well, if someone goes through the list of people I follow, they might…" Azula said, though she frowned: how likely was that? She hoped her parents weren't that obsessed with monitoring her entire life… "But then… we'd post all the good stuff on your account?"
"At least, it's a way to go about it," Sokka said, smiling and shrugging. To his delight, she smiled too.
"You know… that brings thoughts to mind. Thoughts…" Azula said, as a hint of malice took hold of her while she rolled on her back, eyes drifting towards the ceiling. "Thoughts of revenge."
Sokka blinked blankly. Azula's devious smirk widened further.
"Well. That escalated quickly," he said. "Revenge on… what? Why? Huh?"
"My parents, of course," Azula said, glancing at him deviously. Sokka raised an eyebrow. "They think I'm miserable… because, of course, I've given them reason to think so. But if I gradually start to change the kind of things I post on my personal account, by showing some of the more fun side of working and living here, they'll be in denial at first, assuming I'm just doing it to piss them off… and then, slowly, doubt will creep in. Little by little, they'll begin to realize that maybe I am having fun… that maybe I'm learning important things, things that could help me get accepted in university if I try to enroll in one. That maybe I confirmed my calling is indeed my calling… and, who knows? That maybe I found the man of my dreams here, why not?"
"Y-you… you think you'd go for it?" Sokka said, cheeks flushing. "You'd reveal our relationship…?"
"Once we're almost done here, I think I might be ready to. Maybe I could tag your account when I do the full reveal post," Azula smirked. "Then, my parents and every stalking lurker would go into your account… to find months' worth of content they never knew existed. And yes, well, they may go ballistic about it, but at that point, we would have already spent almost the full year together, right?"
"And I could help you with university," Sokka said, rubbing his chin slowly. "Maybe… maybe we could settle that before our time here ends, too. I could reach out to my old university and ask them to hold your entrance exam remotely. Then, once your parents show up…"
"I could show them my acceptance letter… if I pass, of course," Azula said, biting her lip. "Heh. Here I thought we'd spend the rest of our stay here working in the lab and then jumping into bed together, but from the sound of it, we have a lot of work to do."
"And a lot of fun things to share," Sokka smiled, kissing her again. "We… should make a schedule."
"A schedule?" Azula raised her eyebrows, amused. "Well, now… I'm all ears."
"Great," Sokka snickered. "We'll organize it in the… uh, well, morning. Whatever counts as morning, you know…"
"I do know," Azula laughed: Sokka smiled as he cradled her in his arms. "What a strange future awaits us, huh?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way," Sokka whispered, kissing her brow. "I'll tutor you further, make sure you can handle anything they throw at you in an entrance exam… and you'll train me into letting go of my ridiculous self-awareness every time we're in public together. And we'll do as many fun events in the South Pole as possible in the process…"
"And we'll take as many pictures as we can so we can build up our Instagram accounts too," Azula smiled. "It sounds like a lot… but I can't wait to get started."
"Me neither," Sokka grinned, pressing his brow to hers.
After two weeks of mostly focusing on each other and work, starting a new routine was rather curious for Sokka and Azula: they enjoyed each other's company properly upon waking up, then they sat together, huddled in comfort and enjoying hot chocolate while organizing their duties, studies and leisure time properly on a virtual schedule. Most of it was subject to change since the IceCube Lab might require emergency visits due to equipment malfunctions, but so far, everything had moved along safely. Before long, the happy pair had a full schedule they hoped to rely on for the next months.
First, Azula would have around three hours of studying, tutored by Sokka. The more they worked together, the better a teacher he became: he rewarded Azula whenever she answered a question properly, finished an operation successfully or investigated correctly anything he asked her to look up. Sometimes, the reward would be a simple kiss. Sometimes, it would be a much more complicated one between her legs. Sometimes, she'd have a random food craving, and Sokka would dutifully take off to find popcorn, ice cream or whatever snack she wanted to enjoy. And sometimes, she'd ask him to do something utterly embarrassing as a punishment if he teased her too much while she was working on solving the exercises he set for her: some of those punishments required form him to march up to Korra and acknowledge she was the superior athlete, something that of course never failed to make him pout while Korra laughed it off, well aware of what was going on thanks to Azula's echoing laughter. Other times, she'd send him running a lap on the station while wearing one of his boxers on his head. And sometimes she'd ask him to write utterly gushy, embarrassingly fluffy poems on his Instagram posts, and he'd comply while blushing madly still.
The punishments, of course, served a deeper purpose too: Sokka slowly grew more comfortable with making a fool of himself in public thanks to Azula's antics. It wasn't simply a matter of being comfortable by holding her hand, but of relaxing around people who meant them no harm, who were perfectly supportive of their relationship and who would eventually stop teasing them for it, provided they stopped giving them reason to be teased.
After Azula's classes ended, they would perform all maintenance and checkup duties that were necessary in the IceCube Lab. They wouldn't visit it every day, but they had to be thorough during each of those visits, ensuring to replace anything that required replacements, running tests that might have been requested by headquarters up north, and generally keeping the place clean, orderly and safe.
As long as that didn't take too long, they would return to the Station at a reasonable hour and train in the weight gym. It was always much easier whenever they were alone, of course, and they had even engaged in some rather inappropriate dalliances there precisely because of that… but they had fun when others were working out too, especially once Sokka succeeded at setting aside his embarrassment and focused on helping Azula work out before doing his own rounds – she, of course, was keen on ogling him constantly while he did that, but he blushed less intensely after the first few weeks of her shamelessness.
Once their daily workout was done, they would spend time with everyone else, and that was the optimal moment for them to make their Instagram posts once the station connected to the satellite's Internet. If there was an event in the station, they'd happily join it: if there was none, they would simply play games with their friends or watch movies with them, provided they were free to do so, too. Occasional grand projections of movies would be held in the gym often, though depending on their interest in them, it was possible that either or both Sokka and Azula would doze off while cuddled together on the same couch as the movie progressed.
Azula's initial sketches and concepts for the pole marker were quite interesting to the Mechanist, who encouraged her to continue developing the direction she was taking them in. Sokka helped her with ideas often, though he'd take to building his own strange works of art, many of them based on cable wires without insulation, unconventional material that, nonetheless, he succeeded at sculpting into strange but amusing shapes that even inspired Azula further in her designs for the marker.
Once they returned to their room, though, they would jump into bed – which was effectively as good as a single bed by now, since they had pushed them together – either to enjoy each other's company as thoroughly as possible, or to watch TV shows or movies. They would take turns choosing the content they'd enjoy each night, and Sokka was rather nervous upon introducing Azula to a particular, rare favorite TV show of his own… one that had shaped his life in ways that hadn't been apparent until he rewatched it now.
"Guess I really got into science because of this show, come to think of it," Sokka chuckled, with a small smile. Azula hummed.
"I suppose I can believe that, but… that's not all I'm getting from this," Azula said, raising her eyebrows as she pointed at a female character onscreen. "She has dark hair, a mean streak, clever, stuck in a place where her people say she doesn't belong… and her name also starts with an 'a'. Do tell, Sokka… have you spent your whole life hoping to find the Aeryn Sun to your John Crichton?"
Sokka snorted and laughed, cheeks flushing as Azula smirked knowingly at him.
"Because, well, I can't quite unsee the potential similarities," she chuckled, stroking his hand as he threw his head back. "Not saying you're only with me because I resemble Aeryn in some way or another, though, but still…"
"Honestly, if you hadn't brought it up now, I might not have made a connection there," Sokka chuckled. "I mean, let's be real here, Azula: do you think I ever expected to get this lucky in life? You remember what I was like when we first met…"
"True," Azula smiled, watching the final minutes of the show absent-mindedly now as she listened to Sokka instead.
"If I'd wound up halfway across the galaxy like Crichton, I probably would've been stuck with… I don't know, six Rygels or so, and no Aeryns whatsoever," Sokka said, gesturing at the unpleasant, toad-like muppet character on the show. Azula chuckled, shaking her head.
"Well, good thing you didn't have to go halfway across the galaxy to find one, then," she said, leaning in to kiss his cheek softly. "Well, that is, if I'm not misreading things."
"You only are in the sense that… that I actually like you way more than I liked Aeryn, no matter if I was a pubescent teenager when I first saw her," Sokka chuckled, pressing his brow to hers as the credits rolled. "I'm a hormonal adult now, and apparently that makes me even more susceptible to your charms."
"Good. That's how I want it to be," Azula said, deviously. Sokka chuckled, prodding her nose with his.
"So? What did you think of the life-defining TV show of my teenage years?" he asked. Azula huffed.
"I can't give a proper verdict like this. One episode only? I'm afraid you'll have to ask me again after we watch five, at least. Maybe more than that," Azula said, smirking at him. Sokka's watery smile preceded a spree of enthusiastic kisses that brought Azula to laughter as she caressed his cheek gently. "You're so silly…"
"Most people I show Farscape to don't notice it's got potential right away," Sokka said, with a relieved grin. "Oh, Azula. You really may be…"
"The Aeryn to your Crichton?" Azula finished. Sokka chuckled and nodded… before shaking his head.
"Nah. If we were like those two, we'd be dancing around each other for eons, getting together, then winding up in fucked up situations like, well, me getting twinned, and…"
"What?" Azula said, with an awkward smile. "What does that mean, getting twinned…?"
"Uh… you know what? I can't tell you. Spoilers," Sokka said. Azula scoffed, bumping his shoulder lightly as he chuckled at her. "Anyway, I'm just saying… we were a mess in getting to this point, but it didn't take me that long to realize that I…"
"That you…?" Azula said, eyeing him intently when he fell silent.
Sokka bit his lip as he glanced at her with uncertainty. Azula blinked blankly, waiting for him to speak… and then she froze as his smile gained tenderness. As his fingers trailed over her features gently. As his eyes gleamed with resolve before he spoke words he hadn't yet realized he was ready to say, but even so…
"I'm sorry if this isn't the right way, or the right time. If maybe I shouldn't be this stupid about this, too, but I…" Sokka said, smiling gently: the reality of what he was about to say struck her moments before he spoke the words. "I love you, Azula."
Her inability to speak afterwards took him by surprise… though he smiled awkwardly, shyly, and returned to handling his laptop: he closed the programs as Azula gaped at him in disbelief and confusion, watching wordlessly as he powered it down.
"S-Sokka…" she said, breathlessly. "Sokka, I… wait. What are you…?"
"I'm… putting away my laptop?" Sokka answered, with a gentle smile, setting down the device on his nightstand. "Don't think we'll watch another one, it's getting late, so…"
"I meant… what you just said. You… you said you love me?" Azula repeated, eyes wide. Sokka smiled weakly.
"Well… yeah. Call me crazy, I guess, since we haven't been together that long, but… it kind of felt right to say it. And it still does, but… if you're not ready to hear it, that's fine too. I mean… as long as you're not completely grossed out by how fast I'm moving, of course. Then it's not fine," Sokka said, eyeing her warily now. "I'm not trying to force my feelings on you or anything, okay? It's… it's fine if you don't feel the same way…"
"I didn't… didn't say that," Azula responded, eyeing him warily. Sokka blinked blankly.
"But you look like…" he said, narrowing his eyes. "Wait. Wait a minute. Azula…"
"I… Sokka, this isn't something that's ever happened to me before?" she said, looking at him in disbelief. "I mean, I've had a few relationships but nothing ever got serious enough for 'I love you's and… I mean, three words, eight letters? Say them and I'm yours? I never thought my life would come to that, but…"
"What?"
"A… quote. From another TV show. I should make you watch that one since I'll watch Farscape… show exchange," Azula said: she had pressed her face to the pillow, a rarity considering she usually picked Sokka's chest as her pillow, rather than anything else.
"Okay?" Sokka smiled, raising a hand and caressing her hair gently. "Azula… are you flustered?"
"I…!"
She raised her head again, meeting his eyes… and he had a perfect chance to pick up on how flushed her cheeks were. A wicked grin spread over his face as Azula huffed in outrage.
"W-what are you looking at me like that for?!" she asked, utterly self-aware… while Sokka snickered, dropping on the pillow as well, beaming brightly.
"I bet it's a little weird to be happy that you can be embarrassed by things too, but I am," he chuckled.
"Oh, please…" Azula huffed, pouting and turning her face away from him as Sokka chuckled, caressing her hair gently still.
"I seriously thought you were shameless and would only blush because of excessive physical strain," he said. "And I seriously thought I was a weirdo for blushing that much, but…"
"You are one. One thing doesn't negate the other," Azula huffed. Sokka chuckled.
"And you… are a tsundere, apparently," he teased her. Azula gasped, affronted. "If you say I'm an idiot, or that you hate me, you'll just wind up proving my point."
"Oh, yeah? That's how this works?" Azula asked, with a dangerous smile. Sokka chuckled, hands behind his head as he beamed proudly. "You… you're going to get it. You're really asking for it now."
"For what, exactly?" Sokka chuckled, as Azula sat up on the bed, cheeks still red as she glared at him intently…
Then she picked up the pillow and smacked Sokka with it.
He gasped. She raised her eyebrows defiantly. He bit his lip and shook his head as he glared at her in disbelief.
"That's how it is, then? This great betrayal… a pillow fight? We've been sharing rooms for months… and now you've chosen violence?" Sokka asked. Azula glared at him pointedly… then he pushed himself up, glaring at her defiantly. "So be it."
He grabbed his own pillow, and he struck Azula's flank lightly with it. She gasped, outraged by his retaliation, and she leapt forward to attack him too. The pillows bounced painlessly off each other, and before long, the room rang with laughter, made all the louder when Sokka decided to escalate matters further with a dangerous tickle fight: Azula struggled, writhing out of his grasp, trying to return the favor… but failing to do so after he overpowered her. His finishing move, of course was to cover her face with kisses as he pinned her on the joined beds, and Azula laughed, still blushing crimson, as their fingers intertwined slowly.
"There. You appear to have been defeated," Sokka said, smirking smugly. She shook her head, raising her chin proudly.
"I never said I surrendered," she stated. Sokka chuckled, nudging her gently with his nose. "But you… you're not even worried that I didn't say it back?"
"Uh… I wasn't all that worried because I figured you'll say it when you want to say it?" Sokka said, though his eyes widened as he stared at her warily. "Should I be worried?"
"No, it's just…!" Azula said, biting her lip as she tightened her grip on his hands. Sokka raised an eyebrow questioningly. "I've never really… never said these words properly before. Not while meaning them, anyway. The way I'd mean them if… if I say them to you."
"I… I get that," Sokka said, nodding gently.
"So…" Azula said, breathing deeply and staring at him anxiously. "I guess you broke me, huh? Shamelessness… all gone now. I hope you didn't particularly love that about me, but…"
"You can't be shameless with me anymore? Really?" Sokka asked, amused. Azula chuckled.
"I probably can, just… you've thrown a wrench in this situation," she said. "Now I can't just focus on the physical, fun aspect of everything. Now it's… very serious. Extremely serious. Now… now I genuinely am pondering how I'll marry you while avoiding Burmese law. Actually, there's some weird super-expensive marriage services in Antarctica, you know? Though much closer to the shore, of course, probably in McMurdo, and admittedly I'd rather not get married in McMurdo, I didn't really like that place, but…"
"Marriage?" Sokka smiled. Azula winced.
"Did I just… get extremely ahead of myself?"
"In a wonderful way, but yeah, possibly," Sokka chuckled. Azula sighed, shaking her head.
"Telling me you love me kind of… translates into 'we're in this together forever' in my head. Maybe I'm crazy, I just…"
"You're not," Sokka said, kissing her brow sweetly. "I love you… and I would love to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm just aware of how hard that'll be… and that we still have a lot to learn about each other. But the more time I spend with you, the more I'm convinced that I want to spend all that time learning more about you. So… marriage doesn't sound like a bad idea, alright? I didn't enter this relationship assuming it would have to end eventually… I did it by hoping we'd find a solution that allowed us to have a future together. Even if that's crazy of me… it's still what happened."
"It is crazy," Azula said, with a tender smile. Her cheeks were still red as she slipped her hands out of his, raising them to cup his face. "You're utterly mad. But… I guess I'm not one to talk. Because I… I feel the same way. I… I love you. I love you too. I…"
Sokka grinned, and Azula laughed, tears blinking in her eyes before he dove in for a heartfelt kiss… one that soon gave way to enthusiastic, passionate lovemaking through which they reaffirmed the commitment they had reached so smoothly that night. They would wake up in a tangle of limbs when their alarms woke them around six hours later, and Sokka's gentle smile, ever a source of quickened heartbeats for Azula, suddenly seemed to stir even more pleasant emotions in the depths of her soul: she wanted to say it again, fool that she was. He already knew, she'd told him that night, she didn't have to repeat she loved him constantly…
But these were uncharted waters for her. Technically, a lot about her relationship with Sokka had been uncharted waters, for they were as good as living together by now, virtually engaged if just because they hoped they might be able to marry one day. The vertigo of such a strange sensation was oddly addictive: it was akin to falling with no notion of where was up or down, with a strange feeling deep in her gut that suggested she'd be able to land on her feet regardless of how wildly the wind might blow. She'd be okay, no matter if being near the man who had triggered all such emotions in her heart was driving her into a strange frenzy of excitement and fluster, even if they were simply sitting together at the galley, enjoying their breakfast.
"And good morning!" Yue's enthusiastic voice reached them, and Sokka smiled as he waved in her direction: she marched up to their table, taking her seat across them as she readied herself to enjoy her own breakfast. "I hope you had a less hectic morning than Suki, she's dealing with some problems with BICEP right now…"
"Damn. I hope she can sort it out," Sokka said. "Can you give her a hand with it?"
"I planned to, once I was done eating. I'll bring her something to snack on before dragging her back to the galley and ensuring she gets a proper meal," Yue said, with a gentle smile. Her eyes flickered between Sokka and Azula as he nodded approvingly at her idea. "Are you two alright? Didn't, uh, spend all night awake, did you?"
"Well, not all night, but…" Sokka said, with a slightly shy smile… Yue frowned, eyes shifting towards Azula.
"Why are you so quiet?" she asked. Azula winced.
"I… sorry. I guess I spaced out for a moment," Azula said, with a weak smile. Yue raised an eyebrow.
"Must have been one very intense night, then," she said, smiling with a hint of unusual malice… Azula gasped at her words, glancing at Sokka in surprise as her cheeks flushed. He raised an eyebrow.
"Did you tell her…?"
"Did I… what?" Sokka said, once she stopped talking. "You okay, Azula…?"
"I…!" she said, huffing and shaking her head before focusing on her meal. "I'm going mad. That's all. That's… all."
Yue blinked blankly, eyeing the pair across her with unabashed curiosity. She bit her lip before long, running a hand through her white hair.
"Do I dare ask…?" she said. "This is really weird, you know? It's usually Sokka who's blushing every time someone makes any reference to your intimate times together, and it's usually Azula who's shameless…"
"I'm not… being shameless," Sokka said, pouting slightly. Azula blinked blankly.
"Then you were just talking about…?" Azula said. Yue raised her eyebrows.
"Sex?" she said. Azula closed her eyes, her fluster increasing further. "Did you think I was talking about something else? It almost looks like you…"
Yue fell silent then, scrutinizing Azula's expressions and reactions gradually… then shifting her focus to Sokka instead. He offered her a guilty grin and a shrug that Yue gasped at.
"No. You did not… you did!" Yue said, covering her mouth with her hands. Sokka scoffed.
"You're not going to pretend that you figured it out just like that, are you?" he said. "I haven't even given you a hint of…"
"You told her you loved her!"
Azula's face flushed even further, and Sokka's own cheeks lit up at Yue's accurate guess. The scientist before them gasped, eyes flickering between the two with astonishment, though she mostly focused on him.
"Sokka… it's too soon for that!" she said. "And you…! With how nervous you are, that's a very dangerous choice to make! Goodness, at least you're with Azula… if you were with anyone else, she might have bolted out the door right away out of fear of commitment."
"Well, I didn't say it so she'd feel she had to commit more than she already has," Sokka said, with a slight pout. "She didn't have to say it back at all, all that mattered to me was saying it, simple as that."
"Really? You had no expectations?" Yue said, raising an eyebrow. "You just wanted her to know someone loves her?"
"What's wrong with that?" Sokka huffed.
"Nothing. Just… you two continue to be a Hallmark movie," Yue said, with a fond smile. Sokka huffed, cheeks tinged red once more. "Well… I'm glad you didn't pressure her or anything. And I won't either, I won't tell Suki or the others about this, I probably shouldn't have pried to begin with… so you really don't have to worry, Azula. Take your time to figure out how to answer him properly, okay?"
"Uh…" Sokka said, with a weak grin as he glanced at Azula: her cheeks were even redder as she covered her face with her hands.
Her reaction to Yue's reassuring words, though, spoke for itself. The white-haired woman's jaw dropped as, yet again, she read through the couple without needing further explanations:
"You said it back?! You already said it back! Oh, goodness, you…!"
"She, uh, may have…?" Sokka said, smiling weakly at Azula, who shot him a reproachful glare from between her spread fingers.
"Least you could do is not look that proud of it, damn it…" Azula huffed, and Sokka chuckled before caressing her hair gently.
"Sorry, sorry. I'll shut my mouth now, I will…" he said – though his promise was bound to be entirely meaningless, for two more people were ready to join their table.
"Morning, every-… uh, Sokka? Azula? Did you two switch bodies last night or something?" Korra asked, as Asami smiled at them too. "It's usually her who's up to PDA while he's blushing crimson the whole time…"
"Maybe we did switch bodies. How about that?" Azula said, grumpily, prompting Korra and Asami to laugh as they took their seats with them, too.
She didn't even know why she was in such a strange mood… she wasn't unhappy, not at all. But somehow, she didn't want their friends around right now. She only wanted to be with him, to talk to him, to kiss him, to wrap her arms around him as though to never let him go. Something she had never really recognized for what it was had broken inside her last night… a strange dam, she guessed, that she couldn't seem to plug anymore. Where Sokka appeared to have gained some confidence upon Azula's acceptance and reciprocation of his feelings, Azula had lost some of her own confidence, somehow… for she didn't know how to control the feelings inside her. It was so much easier before saying she loved him… for now her heart ached with need, with hope, with every bit of despair that gnawed at her with fear that their relationship wasn't set in stone, and that, without a strong plan, her family would destroy it for sure…
And all such fears and uncertainties would fall to the wayside simply by being near him. By looking at him as he worked in the IceCube Lab, carefully welding material he was repairing for a computer that was causing some trouble as of late. She had a few basic check-ups to run in the network, maintenance of servers to worry about… and she simply watched him as the computer did its work. Eventually, he raised an eyebrow and glanced back at her, smiling weakly.
"Something wrong?" he asked. Azula shook her head… then shrugged. "Still bothered by how the others acted earlier? Or…?"
"I… guess? Guess not. Maybe… maybe I finally understand what bothered you so much before," Azula said, with a sigh. "Just when it looks like it's not a problem for you anymore…"
"You think I'm not that nervous anymore?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows. "Heh, I beg to differ… but honestly, I'm probably an asshole to be relieved that you can be flustered too sometimes, aren't I?"
"I've been flustered around you several times as it is," Azula said, pouting slightly. "But I suppose… things feel a little different now. I'd rather just forget about everyone else and stay locked away with you for good… like in this lab. There's a bed and everything…"
"I'm aware," Sokka smirked. Azula shot him a knowing grin. "You don't actually intend for us to make use of it, or do you?"
"Well, if we finish our work quickly…"
"Heh? Sounds like you're not that flustered after all," Sokka chuckled. Azula shrugged.
"If it's just you, I guess… I feel safe. And that's a very strange feeling, mind you," she said, with a sad smile. "If I'm with you, I have nothing to be afraid of… be it entrance exams, designing pole markers, not botching things up in this lab, or even fighting my own family. I feel like… like you'll always be by my side, even when I know that there's nothing that guarantees that. And it just… messed with my head, somewhat. I'd never felt like this before, alright? So…"
"So, you don't know what to do with yourself?" Sokka asked, with a gentle smile. "Well… yeah, I guess you get me now. Because I've been feeling that way since you first kissed me, heh."
"Then I'm sorry for tormenting you by not staying locked up with you in our room constantly," Azula sighed. "But as we're on the same page now… guess we could just very well do that here, right? Surely we could…"
"Azula…" Sokka said, eyeing her skeptically. She smiled innocently as he raised a hand, taking his sweet time to say… "After all our work here's done, like you said. Alright?"
"Wait, really?" Azula smirked. Sokka snorted, shrugging.
"Hey, beds are made for sleeping on them…" he chuckled, and Azula laughed as she blushed again at their shared shamelessness.
They had already become near inseparable since they'd first consummated their relationship, but it was even harder to pry them off each other following the mutual love confession they shared that night. Their work in the lab and station continued to flow peacefully for the next weeks, including plenty of private fun when they had time to spare for it, as well as some exercising in preparation for the upcoming Polympics – the sporting event held in the station halfway through the winter that always lifted everyone's spirits. They also tried their luck with music, pool games and with further viewing sessions of movies and shows – though they held several of those in private, too, by continuing to watch Sokka's favorite TV show.
Azula's designs for the pole marker were coming along smoothly: Sokka taught her how to create the virtual design through mechanical drawing programs she had never used before. The Mechanist found her ideas quite intriguing once she presented them to him, and around six weeks into winter, their proposal was sent to the National Science Foundation for their approval…
"Princess Azula? Princess Azula!" The Mechanist called for her, just as she was in the middle of a pool match against Asami, Yue and Sokka.
"Did you get a response?" Azula asked, eyes wide as she set down her cue stick: everything faded from view as anxiety gnawed at her. She had done her best, but this was no meaningless work, not a simple homework assignment where passing grades would be enough to appease her family… no, she wanted to get it right. She wanted to get this right, to do her absolute best at it…
"Your proposal for the Pole Marker… has been accepted," the Mechanist said, smiling brightly at her.
Azula gasped: the rest of the occupants of the room let out cheerful exclamations, and before she knew it, a pair of familiar arms had wrapped around her from behind as she laughed in relieved disbelief.
"You did it! Ha! I told you it'd be the best marker ever!" Sokka declared, spinning in place with her in his arms: Azula covered her face with her hands, tears of relief spilling from her eyes as she nearly faltered in Sokka's embrace.
She wound up hugging him back eventually, laughing intimately with him in a corner while the others waited patiently – at first – for their brief celebration to end before their game could continue: afterwards, though, their whole group gathered at the galley to celebrate Azula's grand success far more enthusiastically, with a few drinks and the best food they could get their hands on – mainly, leftovers the kitchen staff always stashed in one of the secondary fridges, in case anyone needed a quick meal.
It was halfway through that night, finished off by an unsettling karaoke contest where many winterovers appeared eager to make fools of themselves, that Azula noticed something rather curious while she held Sokka's hand. He raised an eyebrow and she smiled, squeezing his fingers gently.
"Looks like we've made a lot of progress," she said. "My marker design will be crafted… and you're not trembling."
Sokka's eyes widened at her assessment. He glanced down at their hands as though to confirm her words, and Azula laughed as she pressed a kiss to his shoulder. His lips curved into a gentle smile, and he took her into his arms fully, relishing in their embrace while someone butchered a ballad by singing it entirely off-tune.
The preparations for Azula's entrance exam also took up a lot of her time: in the weeks leading to the Polympics, Azula worked harder than ever to prepare for the complicated test she'd be taking up soon. Sokka's lessons were paying off: even when they were up to anything else, she answered his impromptu questions about physics concepts, math problems and logic questions without fail, to his utter delight. Sokka had taken care of contacting his university, explaining Azula's circumstances and requesting for her exam to be held remotely, about a month before the station opened anew: with that settled and arranged, Azula focused on studying for it as best as possible.
Once the Polympics arrived, Azula knew she was due for a large distraction: instead of teaming up over their regions or countries – for that would have landed several people, Azula included, in a considerable disadvantage due to being the only representatives of their countries –, the teams for the Polympics were established through their departments instead. Thus, the science researchers had a team of their own, the engineers and supervisors of the tunnels were in another team, and the cooks and janitors worked together in another team. The disciplines, naturally, were much more complicated than regular Olympic ones: basketball was one of the easiest choices, given that there was a court in the station, but playing small-scale soccer was a possibility, too. Then, they had winter-based sports too, such as curling and a slightly chaotic attempt at ice-skating that was suspended quickly, for the ice near the station wasn't smooth enough for the competition to be held. After one stormy day, however, they had a chance to do a snowmen building contest with the resulting snow, even if its outcome was still rather mediocre and clunky, leading to a lot of amusement for all the competitors.
Races were held too, whether by groups or individuals, whether by running across the station or on a jogging machine, and while scores were being kept in all the sporting disciplines they were competing at, victory appeared a secondary matter for most everyone… except in the final discipline: weightlifting.
Korra roared proudly as she dropped the heavy weights she had managed to raise over her head. Her form wasn't perfect, but she had succeeded at outdoing her previous record and all winterovers witnessing her achievement clapped at her, even hooting in congratulations.
"Damn right!" Korra laughed, hugging Asami. "Didn't even pull a muscle! Maybe I could go for heavier…"
"Korra! You just said you didn't pull a muscle, don't go tempting fate now," Asami scolded her, and Korra grinned guiltily. "What you did was plenty as it is, okay?"
"Fine, fine, geez…"
Her eyes, however, drifted towards the man who had stepped up next: her only remaining competitor, her greatest rival in the weight gym to date. She smirked, nodding in his direction as he rubbed his hands in preparation for picking up the heavy weight.
"Sure you've got what it takes?" she asked. Sokka scoffed, shaking his head and taking his position behind the weights before him.
A wicked thought occured to him over Korra's words: with a glint of cleverness shining in his eyes, he turned to the weight racks and found a simple pair of single-pound weights. The entire crowd watching him gasped in shock as he leaned down to adjust his barbell…
"Sokka!" Azula gasped, stepping up to him just as he finished securing the two extra weights. "Sokka, you have nothing to prove, don't be crazy…"
"I've had enough of being second to her," Sokka said, glaring at Korra playfully. She snickered devilishly at him. "Look, if it's too much I'll just drop the weights and nothing will happen…"
"And what about if you don't realize it's too much and you keep lifting until you get injured?" Azula asked, skeptical. Sokka grinned awkwardly.
"I… will have to hope you'll be a very sweet nurse in that case."
"That's not likely. Especially considering I'd be saying 'I told you so' through the entire recovery process," Azula said, eyeing him reproachfully. "Seriously, Sokka? Do you have to do this?"
"I've been training for well over nine months now," Sokka said, eyes aglow with determination. "I do think I can do it… but if you encourage me, I'll probably do better at it, yet."
"Oh, really?" Azula asked. "You're blackmailing me into supporting you even though you know I don't want you to do this?"
"Uh… basically?" Sokka smiled awkwardly. Azula scoffed, but she smiled too.
"You're an idiot," she said, stepping up and cupping his face. "Be careful. The minute something feels weird, you'll stop. Okay?"
"Okay," he said, smiling shyly: everyone was watching them, but he wouldn't hide or pull away from her, even so.
It was Azula who stepped back, then, and Sokka ensured to prepare himself, rubbing the magnesium powder on his hands before stepping up to the weights: he leaned down, setting his hands in place… he let out one deep breath, and he hoisted the barbell.
He struggled slightly with the first movements, until he finally had the bar safely on his collarbone level. His balance wasn't the finest, but he kept going nonetheless, flowing through each stage to the next while trying not to falter, even if the weight was indeed almost overwhelming…
But his eyes fell upon her. She seemed so insecure, so nervous, so worried for his wellbeing that he knew he had to go forward. If just to give her a reason to smile, to relax, to enjoy the crazy competitions that were finally drawing to a close…
His voice broke out in a war cry as he pushed higher: finally, he stood fully upright, and he hoisted the weights over his head. The whole crowd in the gym broke out in cheers, and Sokka sustained his position for a moment longer before dropping the heavy weights and letting out a relieved sigh: Azula was in his arms a moment later, laughing while scolding him for his recklessness, covering his face with numerous kisses as everyone else congratulated him for dethroning Korra, something everyone had thought was entirely unlikely until he had boldly dared to go further than anyone else ever had gone before.
The closing ceremony and feast for the Polympics was another great highlight of the whole event, a much better reward than any medals – though the Mechanist still took his time to design some small copper medals that read 'I survived the Polympics in the Amundsen-Scott Station' rather than anything with more grandeur than that. But as enjoyable as the meal might be, the main thing on Azula's mind, after posting enthusiastic pictures about the Polympics on her Instagram account, was taking Sokka to their room, and either catching up on sleep – something they both needed direly – or celebrating his great success much more intimately. They were intercepted by someone on their way there, however:
"Polympics may be done… but that's not the final challenge we've got going, Sokka. I don't need to remind you, do I?" Korra had told him, just before they exited the galley. Sokka raised an eyebrow.
"Are the conditions met yet…?" he asked. Korra smirked and nodded.
"All predictions say the temperatures will drop appropriately for it in the next week. So… get ready for it, I guess. I'll make sure to message you when the time comes," she said, nodding at him before rushing after Asami, who was halfway down the corridor with Suki and Yue by then.
"What… was that?" Azula asked. Sokka winced, eyeing her warily… the guilt in his complexion spoke for itself, and the Princess stared at him in disbelieve "And here I thought you'd have enough by competing with her at weightlifting."
"Well, I don't think this is a competition, to be fair? It's just two friends doing something… kind of very stupid," Sokka admitted, with a guilty chuckle. Azula shook her head. "Look, it might not even be possible. If the atmospheric conditions don't happen, we won't be able to try it. But if they did… wouldn't you have a great argument to convince your parents that I'm a good match for you if you can tell them that I'm part of the most exclusive club in the history of humanity? No?"
"That…would only work until they learn about what that club actually entails," Azula said. Sokka huffed.
"Well then, we don't tell them what it entails and we'll keep them guessing," Sokka smirked. Azula laughed, shaking her head.
"You're seriously going to go for it, then? A two-hundred degree stay in the sauna, followed by a minus a hundred degree walk in the ice?" she asked. "Do you know the right way to go about it? Like… all the details? How to avoid frostbite? How to ensure you don't die of temperature shock?"
"I've looked into it…" Sokka pouted slightly, and Azula raised an eyebrow judgmentally. "I really have! You're not supposed to walk too fast, not supposed to breathe too heavily, you just go out and go back, that's how it works. No big deal, right?"
Azula eyed him skeptically, regardless of his innocent smile: she was utterly mad for wanting to protect him from himself, wasn't she? Sokka seemed to be becoming an adrenaline junkie of some sort as of late… and a stupid part of her found that rather appealing about him, as of late. A very stupid part of her, she supposed.
"If you do this," Azula said, raising a hand towards Sokka, her index finger outstretched. Sokka whimpered giddily at the possibility that she would acquiesce at last… "You'll need training. A lot of training. Also… as far as I understand, you have to do it naked?"
"Uh, yeah, I kind of have to, it's more dangerous otherwise…"
"So, you don't mind running around the station naked, do you?" Azula asked, amused. Sokka's cheeks flushed.
"Wouldn't be around the station altogether… you leave from the sauna and go to the Ceremonial Pole, then you go back," Sokka said, pouting. "It's not like I'll walk the whole station naked anyhow… and I'll cover up with a hand, if that worries you."
"Yes, it worries me," Azula said, shaking her head. "Ugh, I… I'll have to be there to make sure you survive this madness, won't I?"
"Well, yeah, but you don't have to do it too…"
"Oh, believe me, I won't: I'll just be dressed up in my proper extreme cold weather gear in case you faint halfway through your silly stunt," Azula said. Sokka chuckled.
"Well, I suppose it's fair to be a non-believer… but you won't have to come to my rescue. I'll have it covered," Sokka said. "As for that training… what exactly do you have in mind?"
Azula sighed, but she smirked at him before long: he knew that look on her face all too well, and his heart tingled happily at the sight of it…
While the temptation had been strong for months, neither of them had dared desecrate the sauna until then… but this opportunity provided them plenty of chances to do exactly that. They weren't supposed to use the sauna without clothes… but being fully naked was a requisite for the 300 Club's challenge. Sokka was self-aware about sitting fully bare in the sauna at first, but a few devious caresses from his lover saw to soothing him into relaxation quickly.
"It's late…" Azula whispered, sitting on his lap as she pressed her lips to his cheek. "Most everyone is in bed by now, and I've made sure to lock the doors safely. The way is clear."
"Good…" Sokka groaned, burying his face in her chest. Azula smirked for it, lightly swaying her hips so her pelvis would brush fully against his abdomen. "But… are we up to the two-hundred degrees already?"
"Nope. This, like I said, is training. We're starting with a hundred and fifty degrees, and we'll crank it up higher as the week progresses," Azula said, leaning down and kissing his lips softly. Sokka snorted.
"Well, considering how hot you are… maybe you make up for the missing fifty degrees by yourself," Sokka said. Azula chuckled, shaking her head dismissively.
"You're such a flatterer… but if that's so, I suppose we can make up for the fifty degrees and then some, can't we?" she said, raising her eyebrows suggestively. Sokka chuckled as she kissed him fiercely again.
They fulfilled their training goals on a daily basis, rising ten degrees each day. By the time they reached the necessary two-hundred degrees, though, the heat overwhelmed them too much for any sexual antics: five minutes of sitting in the sauna had sent both of them running out into the refreshing cold of the station, laughing at their inability to handle the hellish temperature. Even so, they tried again on the next day, and the next, until they gradually grew accustomed to the temperature – not enough to engage in full-blown sex, but the occasional kisses and caresses while enjoying each other's sweaty bodies proved feasible by then.
Thus, when the polar temperature dropped just enough, Sokka was ready.
Unfortunate work timing on Korra's end resulted in Sokka being the first to take up the challenge – she would follow as soon as she was able. All his friends were ready to encourage him and help open the doors to the exterior of the station: Azula sat with him inside the sauna for a short time, pressing quick kisses to his lips and bringing their brows together.
"You can do this. You're utterly insane for choosing to do it, that's for sure… but you can, Sokka. I believe you can," she said, firmly. Sokka chuckled. "Now, then… I'll be ready to run to your rescue if you need me to. But try not to make me do that, alright?"
"I'll do my best," Sokka confirmed, kissing her quickly. "Though… c-can you ask the others not to look?"
"Certainly not," Azula said, smirking. Sokka huffed. "You made up your mind to run naked in the ice? Face the consequences for it, then."
"Meanie," he smiled, shaking his head. "Oh, fine. I'll try not to… get too self-aware. But heh, I've gotten better at that, so…"
"After this, I accept no more self-awareness excuses from you. Regarding anything," Azula laughed, kissing his lips softly one more time as she rose to her feet, stepping up to the sauna's door. "Your boots are ready. Just put them on, cover up with your hands whatever you think you should cover up… and go for it."
"Okay… okay," Sokka nodded, biting his lip.
"Good luck," Azula said, her heart pounding before saying: "I love you."
"I… I love you too," Sokka grinned in a most heartfelt, innocent way, and Azula's cheeks flushed as she stepped outside the sauna.
She dressed in her extreme cold weather gear right away, and she joined the rest of Sokka's support group quickly.
"Is he ready?" Asami asked. "Korra says she might be done in about half an hour, so…"
"Well, hopefully Sokka will have recovered from the temperature shock by then," Azula said, with a weak smile – he was going to get this right. He had to. Even entertaining the notion that he might fail was impossible right now. She couldn't let herself do so.
"How much longer now?" Yue asked.
"About four minutes," Azula said, breathing deeply. "Which, admittedly, is also madness. I don't know who was the mad fool who came up with this concept, but…"
"Nobody really knows, but it's credited to Howard Redifer? A meteorologist," Suki explained. Azula huffed. "It was back in the fifties, I think."
"Too bad. If his grand idea got Sokka killed or sick, I could've very well just flown over to give him a piece of my mind for it, but I suppose he's likely to be dead by now," Azula said, and the others chuckled.
"A lot of people tend to take this challenge, from what Korra said," Asami mentioned. "But I guess most of us are not that bold this year…"
"Not that crazy, you'll mean," Azula said, bluntly, shaking her head.
She shouldn't be anxious: she should be supportive. He would be fine… he had to be fine. He needed to be fine…
One minute left. Azula breathed deeply as she picked up a flashlight: she checked for the umpteenth time that it was functional, and she readied herself as she waited for the sauna's door to open…
It did a moment later, and she glanced over her shoulder as her naked lover crossed the door in a rush.
"Slow! Don't run!" Azula reminded him. Sokka slowed down and nodded: his body was covered in sweat, and the shift of temperature between the sauna and the general station was already making him uncomfortable…
"Doors opening… now!" Yue exclaimed once Sokka was a few steps away from the door: she and Suki pushed them open together.
Azula braced herself for the cold, pointing her flashlight towards the frigid, still night beyond them: Sokka rushed past her wordlessly, following the beam of light… though the green glow of auroras above them helped him find his way too, as his boots stepped out into the frozen surface of the South Pole.
He didn't hesitate: if anything, it seemed he was moments away from starting to run impulsively. A hand covered his mouth, ensuring his breathing would remain warm and even, while the other covered his privates, not simply out of bashfulness but out of highly necessary protection: ice began crusting around his body as he marched outside, but it melted quickly due to the mesh of extreme temperatures battling over his skin.
He kept going, trying to breathe evenly: the ceremonial pole marker was close, and he looped around it without touching it, for even daring do something so stupid would have heinous consequences. Being out in the cold right now felt surreal… he wondered if space would feel this way, too. Everything was strangely silent, his body seemed to fail to react to it properly… he ground his teeth tightly as he kept moving, making the most of the heat he still had, of his remaining energy, to return to the beam of light that guided him through the ice first, and that would continue to guide him back to the station now.
He thought he heard the girls screaming to encourage him – someone even poked out through the upper observation deck and shouted at him too – but he truly couldn't make out what they were saying. His ears were as good as closed and nothing mattered as much as reaching Azula again: there she stood, with the flashlight, urging him to keep going and to return to her safely…
He nearly stumbled into her arms, and the others closed the doors behind him at once.
"There! It's done!" Asami exclaimed, smiling at Sokka: he trembled violently, and Azula helped him march quickly to the sauna again.
"Okay, just… just keep moving. Just keep moving. Oh, you're insane but you did it, damn you…!" Azula laughed: her anxiety for the past week and a half finally receded as she led her boyfriend to the safety and warmth of the sauna for the second time that day.
"Mmm… hmmm," Sokka smiled awkwardly: ice crystals had formed over him, even if they were mostly small, and his breathing was heavy and labored…
His breathing pattern eased up once he was sitting inside the sauna again. It got even better once Azula shed her extreme weather gear and joined him: the girls outside were still chanting a celebratory song for him, and he and Azula laughed together as they gazed at each other with heartfelt smiles.
"Now you'll be able to leave the Pole with no regrets?" Azula asked. Sokka chuckled, shaking his head.
"Not sure the 300 Club had anything to do with that, but… heh. I really did it. Now your mom and dad will be impressed, without a doubt," Sokka said: Azula laughed, shaking her head as she kissed his brow, fingers brushing his moist hair once more.
"You're mad… but you're amazing, Sokka."
"A mad scientist, am I?"
"That… that makes perfect sense, come to think of it," Azula chuckled, hugging him to her chest as he relaxed in her arms.
He was in no condition to help Korra once her own turn arrived, but he and Azula lingered nearby nonetheless, once their friend's run arrived. A member of the meteorologists joined her, too, and the awkward man struggled to pull off a proper run while Korra seemed to know exactly what to expect – it was, after all, her second time doing the legendary stunt that had allowed her to join the 300 Club during her previous stay as a winterover. Proper celebration would be held for all the successful takers of the challenge eventually, but they had to recover from the strain first, and that was exactly what they did.
Even though he hadn't pushed himself into running, Sokka's body resented him for his recklessness for about a week, with a cough that lightened every day. Fortunately, their work for the IceCube Lab wasn't too demanding during those days, and they had many opportunities to allow Sokka to rest and recover while Azula continued to study for her approaching entrance exam. It was their next big highlight, along with the slow construction of the Pole Marker, which was well on its way to completion by now…
The darkest days of polar winter were slowly falling behind them. The best period of time for the 300 Club challenge had already come to an end. And while fun events were held – like a masquerade ball, and talent competitions –, Azula's mind was progressively consumed by her focus on the exam that might change her life, if she could succeed at it…
She was nervous but she tried not to let it affect her performance when the day arrived: the satellite went up, and for once, she didn't focus on communicating with the outside world, posting anything to Instagram or reassuring her parents through videocalls about anything. Instead, her video feed was live, and the exam's instructors shared the website they had prepared for her to begin answering the questions for her exam.
Sokka waited right outside, anxiously, nervously. He had gotten her up to this, and he would see this adventure through to the very end. He could have been working at his own special project in the Mechanist's workshop right now… but he didn't want to do that until Azula was done with the test. Once that was over…
He paced by the room, greeted people who passed him by, he even found a cup of hot chocolate and snuck into the room quietly to set it down by her desk before leaving again – she shot him a grateful smile before returning to work. His anxiety, he knew, was probably nothing compared to hers, but how he hoped she'd be handling this better than he was.
After three hours, the door swung open and Sokka jumped to his feet: Azula looked tired, but she offered him a weak smile nonetheless.
"My head hurts," she said, simply. Sokka grimaced as he cupped her cheeks between his hands.
"We'll get you some painkillers," he said, kissing her brow softly. "It's done now?"
"Yep. Just in time before the satellite went down," Azula admitted, with a sad smile. Sokka sighed. "What?"
"I kind of wanted to post a picture of us hugging in celebration now that you finished the exam…?" Sokka said, and Azula scoffed.
"Save it for when I learn whether I passed or failed," she suggested, groaning as she dropped her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for all the training, but… I'm about to pass out of sheer exhaustion."
"That's okay. I'll just carry you to the galley for lunch, and you can nap after that's done," Sokka said: Azula gasped when he genuinely hoisted her into his arms, with a proud smile. "See?"
"You… you really got all that embarrassment of yours cured by walking into the frigid winter, did you?" Azula laughed. Sokka grinned and kissed her lips quickly.
"For what it's worth… I'm really proud that you've come this far," Sokka said. "You should be the one to be proud, of course, because you've done your best, Azula. Most people would've faltered ages ago and begged to go home…"
"Especially if they had my family's resources?" Azula asked. Sokka nodded.
"That you didn't do it is honestly really awesome," he smiled. "Shows you've got the determination to choose your own path in life, no matter if your parents can't handle it."
"I… suppose I do," Azula smiled, gazing at him with a heartfelt smile: a career in physics wasn't the only path she had chosen, as of late…
Their arrival in the galley wasn't that triumphant, as most people who knew them weren't around right now. Still, a toast was held in Azula's honor that night, and in order to relax after her nap, Azula convinced the others to join her and Sokka in watching Farscape in the B-1 lounge's TV room. Their friends seemed to find the first episode intriguing enough to watch more, too, and Sokka was deeply relieved by that… though he was caught by surprise when he noticed Azula was quite preoccupied by taking a picture of the screen. He raised an eyebrow, and she smirked as she tapped the button, immortalizing the image.
"What are you doing, exactly?" Sokka asked, amused. "You already watched these episodes, so you're bored and taking pictures instead, or…?"
"I'm taking a picture of you… with the episode, of course," Azula said. Sokka's cheeks flushed. "Is that a problem?"
"Are you… going to post that?" he asked. Azula shrugged enigmatically. "Azula…"
"I think… we're about a month away from sunrise," she said, gazing at him intently. "And that means that, while my posts have been growing much more positive, they might need… a little push lately."
"Woah. What's your plan?" Sokka asked, eyes wide. Azula smiled before showing him exactly what she intended… and his cheeks were no less red once she tapped the button to post the picture, with its description and tags, just as she had intended.
...
Wanna be the Crichton to my Aeryn? Jk jk… unless?
The wording of that sentence, if he even deigned to call it that, made no sense whatsoever to Ozai, especially with that strange emote of two eyes glancing sideways. He frowned as he read it over and over… as he looked at the picture of who he could only guess was Azula's IceCube Canadian co-worker. He was smiling slightly at the camera while a couple – if it was that, they seemed somewhat hostile to each other – stared at one another on a TV screen on the back of the picture. None of which actually told Ozai anything other than the fact that Azula, it seemed, was socializing more. He had guessed as much already, considering many of her previous posts had been far too cheerful for her standards. A part of him thought she was simply messing with him… that she was pretending to enjoy herself in some childish, inverse psychology gambit.
But this? This was strange. It was confusing, perhaps alarming… for he didn't understand it at all.
"I have no idea what she means by that," Ursa said, once he asked her. She shrugged, and Ozai scowled. "Maybe ask Zuko?"
The suggestion was likely Ozai's sole solution for now… but Zuko, of course, appeared to be as ignorant as Ozai expected him to be. He smiled awkwardly, shrugging at his father.
"I have no idea what a Crichton or an Aeryn might be. Could be some science term, I don't know," he said. Ozai scoffed. "But, uh, don't worry too much, Father. I'm sure what you believe is still true. She's just… trying to guilt you into bringing her back here as soon as possible. That has to be it."
"I shall certainly hope so," Ozai huffed: he left Zuko alone in his room again…
And the younger prince panicked as he pulled up his phone quickly, searching for the terms Crichton and Aeryn at once. He had seen the wording of that specific meme countless times by now. Pretending to be ignorant was easy with his father, for Ozai was always ready to underestimate him, but his heart twisted unto itself as he feared what his father's outrage might shape into, once he understood the likely truth…
The answer he found caused his jaw to drop, no matter if he had expected it: the two terms were the names of characters from a TV show, characters who got married and had a child in a sequel movie, no less.
He closed the browser, and he dialed Aang.
...
The sunrise was as momentous as the sunset, it turned out: while no one would deem it genuinely warm, the rise in temperature in the pole was very much tangible after so long of being used to the winter's worst. The equinox brought back the sun, and with it, the auroras would be gone, as well as the bright stars. Strangely, as depressing as perpetual night could be, Azula had grown fond of it by then. Thus, she toasted the night away with Sokka right outside the station, as did many other winterovers eager for the first sight of the sunrise in the horizon…
"It's coming!" exclaimed Korra, once the first sliver of brightness rose in the distance.
"Okay… once about half the sun emerges, we're snapping the right picture. But first…" Azula said, raising her phone and tapping the camera, her glass of champagne angled towards the slowly rising sun.
"Still getting wild reactions to your other post?" Sokka asked, holding her from behind. Azula smiled and shrugged.
"A few, here and there. Nothing alarming so far. My parents don't seem to have known what was going on at all," Azula chuckled. "So, I'm thinking we could, maybe, make another mischief picture now. Both our glasses, what do you say?"
"I have no issue with that, but… we're getting a proper one of the two of us next. My turn," Sokka smiled. Azula chuckled and nodded.
They were used to the picture sessions by now, often enjoying themselves as they playfully posed for them – after all these months, Sokka's Instagram was full of pictures that nobody had seen so far. Azula hadn't liked them yet, let alone interacted them visibly… but she would soon, once their plan worked out as intended. Once the satellite was up, they'd post their best pictures from that morning on his account, including one of a joyful kiss they shared while the sun rose behind them…
What a beautiful day it had been. What a glorious new morning.
The satellite connection activated hours later, and Azula frowned upon noticing she had a confusing number of notifications popping up in her phone.
"Something up?" Sokka asked – they were resting in the B-3 lounge by then, cuddling in a couch while the others played some game or another. Azula frowned, tapping across her phone quickly.
"I don't know… but it better be important. I wanted to post what we…" she started, only to frown in confusion at a flurry of messages by both her brother and Aang. "The hell?"
"Aang?" Sokka read quickly. Azula blinked blankly as she opened the messaging thread…
To find messages that left her floored on the spot, and Sokka as well, once he read them along with her:
Heeeeey! I hope everything's going well in the station!
Look… Zuko kind of freaked out because he thinks you're dating Sokka. I told him that wasn't possible, but I just wanted to warn you because maybe your parents are going to ask you about that next chance they get?
I mean, I saw your post and I thought it was pretty funny, but you didn't mean anything by it, right?
So yeah, anyway, I hope you're having fun! Answer when the satellite comes back up!
Azula snapped her tongue as she read the fourth message in a row by her childhood friend. Sokka eyed her warily, unsure of what her reaction meant yet…
"So… Zuko figured it out," she said. "That post really was too bold, huh?"
"Do you think he'd tell your parents?"
"He… hasn't," Azula concluded, checking her messaging threats with the rest of her family. "Otherwise, my father would have likely blown up my phone with all-caps messages while my mother would have been asking me to call her at once, so… if neither thing happened, he's kept his mouth shut. Which… is odd. Welcome, but odd."
"Guess he wants what's best for you?" Sokka said, with a careless grin. "I mean, he's your brother, so…"
"So, you expect he'd wish for my happiness, you think?" Azula smirked, glancing at him before squeezing his thigh suggestively. "Well, I certainly have what's best for me already, that's for sure…"
"What do you think we should do about this, though?" Sokka asked. Azula huffed.
"I… will tell Aang thanks for the heads up," she said, with a bright grin. Sokka's jaw dropped. "I mean, he's just saying I should be careful since my parents are being nosey, right? Totally reasonable response to that…"
"He's also asking if it's true, though…" Sokka pointed out. Azula chuckled.
"Well, now… that's none of his business, is it?" she said, simply. Sokka snorted, shaking his head and pressing a kiss to her cheek.
"You're so dangerous," he smiled. "Still going to post the pictures of today?"
"Oh, absolutely," Azula grinned deviously. "Final big reveal will happen right before we go home, too. If that's alright with you, of course…"
"Sounds perfect," Sokka nodded, hugging Azula tightly before he, too, took to posting to his Instagram next.
About a week later, the Pole Marker was finished: the entire group of winterovers gaped at the finished piece in wonderment as Azula smiled proudly at her homage to her experience in the South Pole Station: the marker was shaped as a DOM, the devices through which IceCube detected the neutrinos. The near-translucent crystal of the upper half of the marker allowed strings of small LED lights to light up, as they would when a neutrino crossed a certain path. But the DOM itself was also a relief of the world map: the LED lights were distributed across the nations and continents that each winterover hailed from, the list of which comprised the base of the marker. Hugging the center of the marker were the traditional words: "Geographic South Pole – Latitude 90° South", along with the date and the initials for the National Science Foundation.
"It lights up?! It seriously lights up! Holy crap, this is the coolest thing, Azula!" exclaimed Suki, smiling brightly as she eyed the marker with delight.
"The materials of the dome and the LED's insulation should keep the little lights fully functional through the summer months, at least," the Mechanist explained. "They might not be so strong in the winter ones, but I suppose we'll see! Either way… it was ambitious and challenging, but I'm very pleased and proud of what we've accomplished, Princess Azula!"
"I suppose I did go overboard with my ideas," Azula laughed. "I'm glad you could pull it off, though."
"It's so amazing! And here's our names too, look!" Yue exclaimed, beaming brightly as she read the base of the Marker, too.
Azula smiled as everyone rejoiced in her design: her eyes found Sokka's, who smiled fondly at her as well. He had been there throughout the design process, suggesting occasional modifications to ensure Azula's work would be doable, as ambitious as it was. Her success thrilled him too, but he had stepped back to ensure the others could revel in the beautiful marker they'd leave behind once they returned north, in a matter of a few months…
But he had something in mind too. Something he hadn't told Azula about before… something he had kept to himself and worked on quietly while she was studying. And that night, he finally dared offer it to her.
"Sokka? W-what is… what is this?"
Azula's eyes widened: her boyfriend sat with her on an insulating fabric he'd set down by the flags of the Ceremonial South Pole, their faces exposed as they enjoyed the sunlight as best they could, in the South Pole. Sokka seemed determined to make that location a most special place to push their relationship forward…
The ring he showed her wasn't crowned by a large diamond, or by any sort of jewel. It was, however, quite beautiful in its own way: Sokka bit his lip as he raised the ring and smiled at her.
"It's… a sillier ring than you think. Not silver or gold or anything like that," he laughed. "More of a… wire ring. Coil ring? Whatever you'd like to call it, the truth is… it's made of translucent resin rather than metal and the point is that it's actually a ring that reacts to electromagnetic fields? Your ideas with the Marker inspired me to make it. I know it's not that impressive, doesn't even look all that pretty, but…"
"But you wanted to give me a ring?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows. Sokka smiled awkwardly.
"I… couldn't really get you a traditional engagement ring while we're here, never imagined I'd ever be so lucky as to find someone I'd like to marry while I was in the South Pole, heh. But I… I kind of hoped you'd keep it, even if you don't want it as your engagement ring? At least… it could be a small piece of your time here, a little light inspired by your work and what you achieved here, to remind you that you left a wonderful mark in this station. I don't know if we'll ever come back, but… even if we don't, your marker's joining the others in the display cases, and our time here will be immortalized because of that. So… I figured it would be nice for you to go back north with something that reminded you of that. It's not nearly as pretty as what you and the Mechanist did with the marker, but… I'm not that good at handiwork like this, I guess."
He chuckled softly, still holding out the ring for Azula to take if she felt like it. She swallowed hard, eyeing him somewhat reproachfully, though.
"So… it's not an engagement ring?"
Sokka froze on the spot, his jaw dropping as Azula smiled slightly at his reaction.
"I… k-kind of figured you'd rather have a really good one?" he said, cheeks flushing: to his surprise, hers did, too. "It's not like I wouldn't want to ask, I just…!"
"Then you should ask," Azula said, simply, smiling deviously at him. Sokka scoffed, chuckling and covering his face with a hand.
"You're unreal. And I'm still in a really weird Hallmark movie," he said. Azula laughed, leaning closer to hug his arm. "Would you go for it, then? Would you actually marry me with this engagement ring?"
"Hmm… I would," Azula said, closing her eyes as she hugged his arm, squeezing the many layers of protective clothing. "My parents are the problem, obviously, but… if I'm accepted in your school and I convince them to let me go, I might be able to go all the way to Canada with you. And if they don't want me marrying you in Burma, then… I'll just marry you in Canada."
"Would that count in Burma?" Sokka asked. Azula shrugged carelessly. "Goodness…"
"I don't know, and I don't really care," she said, leaning close to kiss his cheek. "I'm not living my life without you if I can help it. This wasn't a… winter romance, I suppose. I'm serious about you, and I know you are about me too, so…"
"We always said we'd figure it out," Sokka said. Azula nodded. "Well, then… if you would marry me, I'll still try to get you a proper ring in the future but for now…"
"I don't think you have to," Azula laughed, taking the ring in her mitten: it didn't look as smooth as other rings might, but Sokka had done a better job with the crafting than he was willing to admit. "I think this one will be better, honestly. Way better than other rings I've seen… though I want to test it now. Electromagnetic fields, then?"
"Uh, yeah…" Sokka smiled: Azula grinned as she rose to her feet, pulling him up with her.
"Let's go see how it responds to everything electromagnetic in the station, shall we?" she said, clasping his hand firmly, her new ring held tightly in her other hand.
The rest of their evening was spent testing the ring – it had two different lights, one that lit up in red, the other in blue. The girls were quick to poke fun at Sokka for his gift to Azula, and as much as he blushed, he still laughed along with them, gazing at Azula with heartfelt delight as she continued to rejoice whenever she found another magnetic field that caused her new ring to react accordingly. It was simply black coil wrapped smoothly unto itself within the translucent resin, offering it a dark look that Azula already had found interesting, but the lights appeared to amuse her with childlike wonderment. She knew she was making a fool of herself by being so thrilled by the ring's reactions, but she couldn't stop appreciating the surprising, wonderful gift Sokka had crafted for her.
The first planes were set to start arriving soon: some winterovers would leave quickly, though Sokka and Azula hoped to stay for as long as possible. All the winterovers for scientific experiments would usually need to remain in the Pole for another month or so, in order to train the next year's winterovers… so Azula and Sokka would get away with their hopes of ignoring the world beyond Antarctica for a little longer. Their last solo inspections of the IceCube Lab went smoothly, even if a light snowstorm happened to start while they were there on the last days before the station reopened: the bed in the facility offered them plenty of opportunities to relax together after the work was done, and to enjoy themselves thoroughly as they waited for the weather to calm down.
"I really wish I could stay here with you forever," Azula whispered, hugging Sokka snugly, her face buried in his chest. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "I mean… I'll love being with you anywhere else, but this year has been incredible. Definitely the best one of my life."
"And you're royal. That's saying something," Sokka chuckled. "Honestly… life outside isn't as smooth as this all the time, I guess, even if there's drawbacks to living here too. But going back to reality after this won't be easy. My family's not that well-off, even if we can make ends meet. I didn't have to cook or clean a lot here, but… I'm not exactly great at it, I have to admit."
"Ah? Are you scared of domesticity with the princess who never cleaned up after herself?"
"I didn't say that…"
"Well, you should be," Azula said. Sokka snorted and laughed, kissing her lips quickly. "I mean it: you'll have to bear with me when it comes to all such things, Sokka. I barely even learned how a pizza is made the other day when the firefighting crew took over the kitchen to make some. And I only know the theory, so…"
"Well, I knew the theory of sex and you taught me how to put it into practice," Sokka smiled, prodding her nose with his. "Guess the same will happen with cooking and cleaning for you, huh?"
"Guess so," Azula smiled, caressing his chest gently. "But still… I really am going to miss this place. It's amazing. Better than a palace… more real than a palace, I guess, no matter how unreal it feels. I know you said I'd left my mark here, literally with the marker, but…"
"But… you want to leave an even bigger one?" Sokka asked. Azula shrugged. "Hmm… there's one thing we haven't done yet, come to think of it."
"Oh?" Azula raised an eyebrow. Sokka grinned.
"Well… we'll get to it when the snow stops, how about that?" he said, grinning deviously and climbing over her again. Azula chuckled, wrapping her arms and legs around him and encouraging him to go for another round of lovemaking quickly, for they had the leisure time to do exactly that.
His plan was a rather wild one: finally, they would take Korra up on her offer to show them the freezing tunnels within the ice, right below the station. Numerous shrines, jokes and fun messages had been left in them across the decades of human presence in the South Pole… and there was still room for them to leave some of their own, too.
"Say… you were working on wire art over the last months," Azula told Sokka, as they slowed by an empty spot in the tunnels' walls. "Maybe… maybe we could make something of the sort and leave it here for good. I mean, we could also etch 'Sokka and Azula fucked here' in the wall, if you'd like…"
"Though we didn't fuck in here, that'd be very ill-advised considering how cold it is down in the tunnels," Sokka said, with an awkward smile. Azula rolled her eyes.
"You know what I mean," she said, simply. Sokka chuckled.
"Well… it doesn't sound like a bad idea. Do you mind bringing us back in here in, uh, a couple of hours?" Sokka asked Korra, who sighed and shrugged.
"You science kids think I have all day, huh?" she said, though she smirked and shook her head. "Better make it quick. First plane's landing tomorrow and I'm going to be busy as hell with the summer crew, so get that wire art of yours done fast."
"We'll try," Sokka smiled awkwardly, clasping Azula's hand and guiding her back to the station.
They worked together all day to build a homage to their relationship: it wasn't perfect, but Sokka, skilled by now at working with wire, managed to craft a small peacock while Azula crafted a maple leaf, herself. Korra led them into the tunnels anew, and after they found an empty space, they deposited the linked symbols of both their countries on it. Their creations would lie safely in the tunnels together, yet another mark, much more intimate and simpler, of a memorable year spent in the South Pole Station.
And so, they readied themselves for a new beginning once the station was slowly crowded by the newcomers, all of whom were thrilled to revisit the station – for it was the recurrent summer crew, ready to relieve the winterovers from their heavier management work in the station, if just for a few months. Yet there was one familiar face for Sokka and Azula among the many new arrivals…
"Guys!" Aang whimpered, running towards them down the hallway, several bags of luggage on his shoulders.
He dropped the luggage before wrapping an arm around each Sokka and Azula, both of whom were genuinely shocked to see Aang again. They exchanged confused glances over the scientist's bald head while he held them tightly.
"I'm so glad you could handle everything yourselves! I'm so sorry I had to make a mess of things, though, but I'm glad anyway…!" he rambled as he ever did. Azula sighed, patting his back and smiling awkwardly.
"We took care of things indeed, so there's no need to be so weepy," she said. Aang sniffed, pulling back and smiling. "Your grandfather…?"
"Still recovering, but… well, I'm not staying the winter again because of him. I just needed to come by and check for myself that everything's okay with you two," Aang said, eyes flittering between them both. "I also wanted to offer to train the next winterovers, especially for you, Sokka. You had all those big opportunities coming up and I'm sure you're dying to get to that…"
"Oh… uh, nah. They said they'd wait for me, so I'm not worried," Sokka smiled, with a shrug. "Everything's good, Aang. I'll stay until Azula's ready to go."
"Uh… well, I thought she would be ready to go, too," Aang said, glancing at her. Azula blew out a breath and shrugged.
"I thought I would be, too… but this place isn't so bad, is it?" Azula smiled, eyes flickering towards Sokka knowingly. He chuckled as Aang blinked blankly.
"Huh… I guess you weren't kidding with the Instagram stuff?" he said. Azula's heart sped up upon hearing those words. "That you're having a better time here lately, I mean…?"
"I… uh, got used to it, you could say," Azula said, with a shrug. "Though it's not like I have no plans for the future. In fact…"
"The satellite should be about to…" Sokka remarked, glancing around himself as Azula pulled up her phone slowly…
It rang moments after she pulled it from her pocket, and without further ado, Azula broke into a sprint. Sokka didn't waste a moment before following her, and they both left the newly arrived Aang frozen on the spot.
"G-guys…?" he blinked blankly.
Well… they were getting along great. That was nice. Zuko would be happy to know his sister had a friend… a friend Zuko suspected was her boyfriend, instead. Aang had told him that wasn't likely, Sokka seemed to be a perfectly reasonable guy, and Azula wasn't so reckless as to jump into a relationship with her roommate, was she?
But they had spent well over six months of isolation in the station. And while Aang hadn't heard news from any of the other winterovers regarding Azula and Sokka's potential relationship, it didn't mean that nothing had happened between them…
He swallowed hard as he followed them to where they'd gone: the quiet reading room had been entirely empty until they had marched inside it in a rush. It was certainly a good place for privacy, Aang supposed, as he stepped through the open door slowly.
"YES! YES! OH, FUCK YES!"
"No way…! I did it? I did it? I'm in?!"
"Azula!"
The Quiet Reading room usually wasn't a place for such noise and revelry, but the two IceCube winterovers laughed quite loudly: Aang peeked at them with curiosity, watching in surprise as Sokka hoisted Azula in his arms with absolute comfort and ease, and Azula even seemed close to tears of relief. From this angle, Aang could see the computer's screen… and after taking a few steps closer, he couldn't fail to notice that it was the layout of a university website: the words 'Accepted' were easy to read on a document that confirmed, it seemed, that someone had passed an entrance exam…
Aang's eyes widened as he glanced to his side: had Azula taken an entrance exam to a university? Had she…?
All such intellectual questions fell to the wayside when his jaw dropped at the sight of Azula and Sokka kissing recklessly, deeply, in thorough celebration of her grand achievement.
"Oh," he blurted out, unthinking: he had never been someone of heavy footsteps, so the other pair had no warning that he was there, right next to them.
"Aang…?!" Sokka nearly shrieked, jumping out of the kiss suddenly as he lowered Azula nervously. "Aah… I thought you'd stayed behind. Uh. Huh… hey?"
"Y-you guys. Hehe. You guys… y-you really… wow. Hah. Wow," Aang swallowed hard, cheeks flushing red slowly. "I-I thought Zuko was misunderstanding, but heh…"
"Wait. Aang…" Azula said, raising a hand in his direction. "Zuko didn't… tell any of his suspicions to our parents, did he?"
"No? B-but I mean, he wasn't sure, so…" Aang smiled awkwardly. "Wow. Huh. Well, congrats! For the relationship! A-and the… entrance exam? Is that what this is? Azula, did you…?"
"Did I apply to college without my parents knowing? Yes, I did," Azula said, with a slow smile. "And I got in through my own merits, too. I mean, Sokka did pull some strings to make sure I could apply, but not so I'd be given any leniency or anything, so…"
"And she pulled it off," Sokka smiled fondly at her, clasping her hand firmly: she couldn't help but smile back at him.
"Wait, but… what does that mean for your future?" Aang asked. Azula shrugged.
"Guess time will tell… but I may be able to fulfill my dreams after all. Very Hallmark movie of me, isn't it?" Azula winked at Sokka, who chuckled and nodded in agreement.
"We should get out of here, though. Got to celebrate this!" Sokka grinned, hugging Azula quickly before stepping up to the computer and logging out of her account in his university's site. "Everyone's going to be over the moon about this, Azula… you just keep giving us a thousand excuses to celebrate things lately, don't you?"
"I suppose?" Azula chuckled, smiling warmly at him… though the grin waned at the sight of Aang's tense, uncertain smile. "What?"
"I… uh, just, congratulations on your first boyfriend, haha," he said. Azula raised an eyebrow.
"Thanks… but he's not the first," Azula said, bluntly. Aang's jaw dropped. "What part of our relationship ever made you think that you knew everything about me, Aang?"
"I…! I…! W-what is… going on?!" he said, hands on his head. "It's like you're both wholly different people than when I was here last, and…! When did this even start between you two?!"
"Right after you left, I suppose," Sokka admittedly, powering off the computer with a chuckle. Azula raised an eyebrow, glancing at her boyfriend.
"Though if we get technical, probably from the moment we first met," she said, with a smirk. Aang yelped. "Not very observant, are you, Aang?"
"Azula…" Sokka chuckled, hugging her to his chest again before urging Aang to leave the room with them too. "Come on. Let's tell everyone and… ah, let's show Aang the marker! He has to see it too!"
"The… Pole Marker? Really? I-it's already done and everything?" Aang asked, astounded. Azula grinned brightly.
"And we should tell him about your victory in the Polympics… as well as your grand entrance into the 300 Club?" Azula teased Sokka, poking Sokka's ribs. Aang gasped.
"What?! No! You guys, I missed all that stuff?! I did?! Noooo…!"
They laughed as they progressed out of the room with Aang, briefly recounting some of their adventures… knowing, too, that they still had a few more left to live in the coming months.
While some of their friends left relatively fast, Sokka and Azula remained in the station long enough to partake in the Race Around the World, as well as the unveiling of the Pole Marker. Azula was quick to upload pictures of the ceremony: everyone rejoiced in the beautifully crafted device, especially the two new winterovers for IceCube, who cherished the DOM-like design more than anyone else in the station. Briefly afterwards, though, it was time for them to swap into the strange outfits they'd wear for the Race Around the World: as it was often ran in costumes, Sokka and Azula put together the most similar outfits they could to Sokka's favorite characters from Farscape, and yet again, Azula ensured to post pictures alluding to the true nature of their relationship in connection to the show. Their final days in the slowly busier station were immensely fun… but while they basked in every moment they could enjoy, the time to go back north was right around the corner, difficult as it might be to accept it.
Their bags were packed eventually, loaded with numerous gifts and beautiful mementos of their time in the South Pole. The airplane that would take them back awaited them, the flight conditions were optimal… and it was finally time for them to leave Antarctica.
"Well… this is it," Azula said, breathing deeply and turning towards Sokka. "Satellite's still up… so I think it's time for the last stage of our plan."
"The big reveal?" Sokka smiled. Azula nodded slowly.
"And for that…" she said, stepping closer to him as the stood in the snow: she pushed off his cold gear's hood and balaclava, and Sokka did the same for her. "Time for our final picture."
"Alright," Sokka grinned brightly: their faces were uncovered now…
They shared a warm, blissful kiss on the ice, and Azula extended her phone as they did so, snapping the most blatant picture she could have chosen for their grand revelation. They laughed together, taking multiple pictures as they kissed until the cold got to them… and before leaving, Azula made use of the satellite's network one last time, uploading the final post that needed to go live before they departed to McMurdo Station, and from there to New Zealand. It would be a post featuring two pictures: the aurora photo of their hands linked, as well as her favorite of their final session of photographs in the South Pole…
The night tends to hide away secrets until they're ready to come to light: the last year was the most fulfilling period of my life. I've grown well past my roots, becoming so much closer to the person I always hoped I could be… and I owe so much of it to my greatest inspiration and biggest supporter, always there for me just as I hope to always be there for him: thank you for everything you've done for me, and for loving me just as much as I love you, @neutrinoboy.
...
They were waiting for her in New Zealand. Of course they were. Publishing that post couldn't have resulted in another outcome… she breathed out slowly as her eyes fell upon her father's disgruntled features, made much worse when he caught sight of the tall, dark-skinned man standing beside her.
"Wow. I think your dad's really going to kill me," Sokka said: he didn't even need to ask who her parents were, for the security detail around them gave away their identities quickly… as did the hostility, of course.
"I'll keep them focused on me, okay?" Azula said, glancing at him quickly. Sokka pouted. "You don't know what they're like, alright? This isn't going to be easy… and I think I'll have a better chance at success, if just because I know them as well as I do."
"I guess I get that, but… damn, this is stressful," Sokka sighed, following her as they approached Azula's parents.
It seemed Zuko wasn't around… that was good, then. Azula didn't expect him to be much help with this situation, frankly: if he tried to support her, chances were her father would double down on dismissing her relationship with Sokka all the more, just as some manner of power flex on his son. So it was only Ozai and Ursa… and their bodyguards, all of whom stared at Sokka as if he were some manner of criminal. Which, Azula guessed, was exactly what they meant to treat him as.
"Stop here," Azula told Sokka once they were right by immigration's gates: even though their checks had been finished by then, the barrier would keep him safe from them until she had settled matters for at least a diplomatic conversation.
"Azula…"
"I'll call you once I've convinced them to stand down," she said: she squeezed his hand gently before stepping past those doors, firmly walking towards her overbearing parents.
After about five minutes of quiet discussion, Azula called Sokka: instead of leaving the airport, her parents had agreed to discuss the situation by going to a private meeting room within the airport. Sokka's anxiety didn't recede at all – he had the feeling these rooms were used for actual lawbreakers, usually…
"Sit, both of you," Ozai commanded once they were inside the meeting room. Azula sighed, following suit with her father's order. Sokka did the same, deliberately choosing to sit beside her: Ozai's eyebrow twitched for it. "Not there."
"Why not?" Sokka asked, bluntly. Azula's eyes widened as she glanced at Sokka. "We're in this together, so…"
"You… are committing a heinous offense to Burmese royalty, boy, so tread carefully," Ozai hissed. Sokka breathed out slowly, but he didn't change seats regardless of the threat. "Whatever this play of yours may be, this pretense of a love affair, you'd best withdraw it quickly, Azula. I'm in no mood for games like these, and you already have played this one for a whole year, longer than that, considering when you started with your whim of studying physics…"
"Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, it's not a whim? That it's not a game?" Azula asked, skeptical: she pulled up her phone, drawing up the document of her acceptance letter into Sokka's university: both Ozai and Ursa's eyes widened slowly as they read the content slowly. "I took an entrance exam for university and got accepted: I can do it. I survived almost a full year in the South Pole without losing my mind, in fact, it did wonders for me to live away from the Royal Family! And after this? I think it's clear I can have a future without King Azulon's fame and fortune keeping me afloat. I'm not joking, Father: either you support me in my career, or I'll give up my royal title and you won't need to concern yourself with me any longer. That's all there is to this situation, just as it was before you sent me to the South Pole, intent on teaching me a lesson. And what was that lesson, exactly? That I could work and do it right? That I actually love science more than I realized I did? If so… grand job, because that's what you pulled off."
"Azula…!" Ozai said, staring at her in horror: he could tell she wasn't joking, even if he wanted her to be. It was so much easier to think she was, and yet…
"Azula, please be reasonable," Ursa said, eyes wide, reaching for her daughter's hand: she withdrew it quickly, unwilling to allow them to manipulate her into making the choices they wanted her to make. "You're part of this family…!"
"I am, until I choose not to be," Azula said. "And I'd choose that if I feel my family is holding me back, controlling my life for no reason and keeping me from reaching my full potential. I'm sorry, Mother… but I'm not living my life by your rules anymore. I can't see why I should if you cannot respect my choices."
"And what choices are these? Running off to college with this… this commoner? Abandoning us over some foolish, short-lived affair? Azula…!" Ozai huffed, glaring at Sokka. Sokka smiled and shook his head.
"Sir, if I may…"
"You may not!"
"Father!" Azula growled: Ursa raised a hand to calm her down, but she turned to Ozai too.
"Darling… let the boy speak," she said. Sokka huffed.
"I'm about two years older than your daughter… but sure, call me what you will," he said, breathing deeply as he set his hands on the table. "Look, I'm not going to hide the truth from either of you: I love Azula."
"Y-you…!" Ozai huffed. Ursa's eyes widened at the sudden, easy admission… even Azula's cheeks flushed upon realizing Sokka had blurted out those words so easily to her parents. The bashful man who had trembled while holding her hand in public was nowhere to be found anymore, it seemed…
"I don't love her because she's a princess, even if I've never had a problem with that, either," Sokka continued. "Your daughter is brilliant. In a matter of a year, she's understood physics concepts I took twice or thrice as long to grasp. She'll go on and say, as she always does, that I'm a good teacher? But the truth is she's amazing. She has every right, every reason, to choose a life of science even if I'm not involved in it. My relationship with her… that's not part of this. Yes, I offered her a chance to apply to my university in Canada… but if you'd rather she studies closer to home, you can very well let her apply to a school there, too. I assure you, they'll accept her in a heartbeat.
"But as I've mentioned our relationship… yes, like I said, I love her. I want to be with her. If she can go study in Canada, it means we'll have better chances to be together, right? But even if she doesn't, our relationship wouldn't end just because she went home instead. And maybe she does have to go home… and if she does, she could even reform and strengthen Burma into, I don't know, a scientific powerhouse on a global scale. Being a leading country in those regards might be amazing for you, right? And Azula can make that a reality. I love her… but I don't want to make her cut ties with her family, with her culture or her people. I believe she can be a strong voice in the growth in your nation. Giving her a chance to reach her full potential… it might mean that, with her help and her hard work, there could be someone from Burma every year in the South Pole, in the future. Why not?"
"What are you… what are you trying to say?" Ozai frowned: his hostility had frozen over, replaced by utter confusion, if wary confusion.
"I'm saying… that I'm looking at the bigger picture here," Sokka said, breathing deeply. "A scientific coalition, a big initiative to promote science across the world. There's many such initiatives, of course… and your country could even join them, if you'd want that. But what I mean is… I believe we can strengthen Burma's scientific presence. Azula could learn everything she needs to learn abroad and then come back to Burma and offer your country the results of her hard work. And I… I would be thrilled to come with her. I would help her, every step of the way, to ensure this initiative pays off. I'm not saying any of this lightly, I know it would be a huge investment… but it can be done. I know it can. This way… you wouldn't have an estranged daughter, and she wouldn't feel the need to cut ties with her family solely because they won't let her live the life she wants. This way, I can prove myself to the both of you and make it clear that my interest in Azula is not short-lived, it's not fickle, it's not a whim: I love her, and if you and your nation allow it, I would gladly marry her as soon as I have your approval for it. I… I'm not saying I'm asking for the approval right now, of course. But… it's my hope to spend the rest of my life with her. And I'd rather not tear the woman I love away from her family. This… this is my proposal."
He bowed his head in a sign of respect, and nothing but silence spread in the meeting room now. Ursa was pale, utterly shocked, while Ozai stared at Sokka with utmost perplexity: that was better than hatred and skepticism, Sokka supposed…
One glance at Azula, though, caught Sokka by surprise: her face was fully flushed. She was astonished by his words… and she was blushing most profusely, lips parted as she failed to process his words. Sokka offered her a weak grin before turning towards Ozai and Ursa again.
"So…" he said, breathing out slowly, eyes aglow with determination. "That's what I want, and that's all I ask from you. Even if you decide you want me out of the picture, please… allow Azula to pursue a career in science. If you needed an external opinion, someone else to confirm she has what it takes… then you have mine. She's extraordinary… and she will still be, whether she's part of your family or not. What makes her incredible is… is innately part of her, and if I dare say it, it's not her royal blood."
Azula swallowed hard, covering her mouth with a hand, tears springing up in her eyes as her heart pounded at full speed: how was he doing this? After all that nervousness, all that insecurity…?
But he certainly had learned to leave those fears behind little by little. He had become so much stronger, to the point where he could face down a menacing prince and not shirk away at all… simply because he loved her. That was the reason why he was doing it. He loved her… and he wasn't afraid of saying it. He wasn't afraid at all…
To think she was the flustered fool now, a slow smile spreading across her face as Sokka glanced at her, with a gentle grin.
"I know I didn't really tell you I had all this in mind before," he said. "But I want… I want to do right by you. Whatever you choose, be it me or anything else… all I want is for you to be happy. To become everything you want to be. And… I simply hope your family feels the same way."
By then, Ozai had collapsed on another chair, eyes out of orbit: they slowed down, however, when Sokka's hand clasped Azula's over the table. His blushing daughter eyed the man beside her with genuine affection, and the feeling was clearly mutual… but the Canadian also displayed much more determination than the flustered Azula could right now. He glanced at Ozai again, at the also speechless Ursa, before speaking one more time:
"So… support her or not, I will be with her. I'll stay by her side as long as she wants me with her. All that remains is for us to decide the terms of how this will happen, so… let her study freely wherever she wants to, or have her attend a university closer to home, or try to stop her, in which case I'm sure she'll just break free from your control and abandon royalty for good. It's up to you to decide which of these paths we'll follow, so… what will it be, Prince Ozai?"
#sokkla#sokka#azula#sokkla saturdays 2022#sokklasaturdays#I'm honestly... so insecure about this one#I've got no idea if I messed it up#but what can you do#if I did I'm sorry#*flings it out into the void*
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On grief, feeling what we feel, and taking a step back
I’m writing this having literally just finished listening to an interview my cousin did on a radio show about grief, about the way we feel when we lose a relationship that isn’t romantic or familiaral. Losing a friendship, a collegiate relationship, having to say goodbye to someone close to you.
I have thoughts that I want to get out so they’re under the cut. Trigger warnings for death, grief, depression & anxiety, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and a whole bunch of other misery.
Part of why I’ve been feeling so lost recently is because the end of February is the anniversary of my best friend, and then her birthday is 1 March, so basically that week I end up whirling myself up into grief and solemnity and rememberance. Brina was Jewish, had meningitis, and so within the space of a week I’d gone from getting the first message that she was sick, to coming home from her funeral. It felt like, in that week, I didn’t have time to process it.
It was also the start of some epic shit at work, shit that would eventually push my anxiety into depression, into suicidal thoughts and self harm. It felt like the first domino to fall in my life: I lost my best friend, I lost my confidence at work, and it felt like I was losing everything. It felt like everything was coming for me and for a while I considered letting it win.
I’m getting to the stage now where I look back on that time and see it as something I couldn’t have changed, couldn’t have prevented. There was no way I could have stopped what happened, the sequence of events. I got help. I got out of teaching and while I missed it for a bit I don’t now. The timing of everything that’s happened in my life since I resigned summer of 2019 has been a stepping stone to get me to here.
And I mostly like here, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
Losing Bri hurts, but not like it did in that first year. When I would pick up my phone to message her only to remember as our thread got further and further down my list. I remember my phone breaking and I nearly had a panic attack because I thought I was going to lose all those messages. God bless Samsung and their autoback up and transfer.
I’m getting better at focusing on her memory being a blessing. Listening to my cousin talk in that interview about grief and how it doesn’t care whether you were family or in love or knew them for three score years and ten. Losing someone is still losing someone and you still have things that were yours, that you feel like you don’t have anymore.
It still hurts, it’s going to hurt for a long time to come, and it hurts more when people don’t see and recognise that pain. For those people still in my life who see me dealing with it - or trying to - and to then brush it off or try to push it away? I can’t deal with that. I won’t deal with that. This is my grief, my pain, my sorrow and my joy. You don’t have to come and sit with me in it but if you do I’ll tell you stories about dropping radios into canals, and wrong orders at restuarants, and sneaking backstage at a panto.
At that point something kicked off at work - someone was getting upset at how I was treating them, I was upset at how they were treating me, and in the “discussion” that was organised to deal with it it became very clear they weren’t interested in hearing my side of things. They told me that I don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life and I should think about how my actions could be taken, and when I tried to say “you have a point, here’s my story” I was talked over and shut down. It made me feel like my life, my thoughts didn’t mater.
This year I spent those Serious Days™ in Los Angeles. I got to meet Emma in person and I had the most amazing time. And so dealing with them felt easier and I was happy and I was making all the memories they say you should.
Then I got on a plane and I came home and I crashed. Big style. I didn’t want to go back to work because that last day I’d been shut out of a conversation. That anxiety made me pull back and not say much and even then it felt like anything I did say was coming with a side of “oh shut up Jen”. Because I was wrong about something (even when I wasn’t), because it wasn’t my place to say something (even when it was an open discussion). Because I was shutting people out (even when I was offering up something that no one else knew or hand experience of).
I felt lost, I felt alone, and I was honestly scared because my anxiety was bubbling up and those awful dark thoughts were back in my head. Because who actually wanted me around?
I even started to lose my place in fandom: I’d express an opinion on something and have someone reply with an essay about why all my thoughts on this were wrong and rude and oh my god I can’t believe you would attack us like this do you just hate people? I’d say something and get an “well ACTUALLY” response. Even when it wasn’t, everything started to feel like an attack and I needed to do something before I, well, did something.
It’s why my parting comment before my mini semi hiatus was to be kind to yourselves. Because I want to believe that those who said and did things towards me these past few months weren’t coming to attack me. I want to believe that words on a screen without tone feed into our own interpretations and understanding of things and this is why things were not taken the way that they should have been.
Probably on both sides.
I’m literally tearing up as I write this, and for once that’s not internet hyberbole. Because I’m still not OK, but I am better than I was. I miss my friend and I will always miss her and I need to get better at sitting with my grief all year ‘round so that the week in February/March doesn’t slam into me.
If someone isn’t going to listen to me, then that’s on them. If they won’t hear my side of the story then I can’t make them. It could be they don’t care, it could be that they’re not ready to. If when I get to say to someone, “hey this thing upset me” they don’t apologise? I can’t make them. “I’m sorry if” isn’t an apology - there’s no if when someone literally tells you how they feel. If they don’t think they did anything wrong then that isn’t my fault. I need to get better at believing that and not thinking that somehow I’ve fucked up.
It still feels like it. It still feels like I’m fucking up everything I touch and so hey, maybe I shouldn’t touch things like ever and maybe I should just fuck off...
I want to try and find my space in this world. I want to take up space and not only feel OK that I’m taking up space but to understand that I am allowed to take up space. I’m allowed to like things people don’t and I’m allowed to dislike things people like (with all the usual caveats about people getting hurt etc etc but seriously - if you read this and go WELL ACTUALLY then you haven’t been paying attention to what this post is trying to say. Fuck off of you want to willfully misinterpret it). I’m allowed to say what I think and what I feel and I am not only allowed to have people in my life who will care about that and respect me for it, but I deserve that.
I deserve people in my life who are willing to listen to how I feel. I deserve people in my life who apologise without any hesitation or attempt at equivocation when they upset me, whether it’s intentional or not. I deserve to feel what I feel and think what I think and not be made to feel bad or less because of it. I deserve to have the time and space to express what I’m feeling so it doesn’t end up coiled so tightly in my body I feel like I need to cut it out.
And I want to be here. In every sense of that phrase. I really, really do. But sometimes it’s really fucking hard.
I’m trying to be kinder to myself. I can’t make people be kinder to me - and god so many of you are already more supportive and loving and amazing than I could have ever hoped - but this is where I’m at. This is what has been happening to me. With me.
I’m OK, I haven’t relapsed. I was closer than I would have liked when I started this semi hiatus and I have only gotten better as a result. I’m stabilising on my meds so there’s another good point. I know I’m kinda around but I’m not back-back yet, and listening to my cousin talk about grief and relationships this evening made me realise that if I don’t face it, sit with it, live with it and deal with it, then this will just come around and around and around like the worst fucking merry-go-round there is.
Jen
x
#jen and her broken brain#an update of sorts#semi hiatus posting#tw: depression#tw: anxiety#tw: death#tw: grief#tw: self harm#tw: sucidal thoughts
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Day Forty-Six
My school has a big career-tech center with, among other things, an award-winning culinary program. The students run a cafe, under the direction of Chef A, and teachers can take food to go three days a week. Today I didn’t bring my own lunch, so I grabbed salad, homemade french onion soup, cheesy bread, and a slice of cake. All of it was delicious, and much-needed fuel for a busy day.
Note to pre-service teachers: ask about programs like those when you interview at various schools. They’re nice to have, for both students and staff.
So why was today busy?
I had a lot to cover in APGOV: Fed. 78, Marbury v. Madison and judicial review, the structure of the modern court system. Then I assigned a group project on various SCOTUS cases (I’d love to do Court Madness again, but with the course being a semester long now it’s a bit too time-consuming, so I’m doing this instead) and gave students the last half hour or so to begin working on that.
Essay rough drafts were due today in World, so I spent the bulk of both blocks proofreading, fielding questions, giving pointers. I am really pleased with how it’s going, though. It’s a challenging assignment, and I imposed a tight deadline for it because I’d noticed when they did current events write-ups that most of them finished with a lot of time to spare. I gave them two and a half blocks for this essay instead of the originally-planned three and a half, and they were able to adjust and manage their time successfully. It helps that they came in with noticeably stronger writing skills than last year’s freshman, so I didn’t have to teach as much upfront about essay writing. I do have to help individuals here and there, but overall? This is awesome.
Since the quarter’s ending, I have a bunch of students in to retake or make-up work during flex block, which kept me on my toes. I’m glad so many opted to make use of that time, though. It’s especially great to see freshmen who are close to making the high honor roll put in the effort to earn those last few points, especially if they’re students who struggled academically in the past. It’s amazing how different middle and high school can be for some kids.
I also had a handful of students stay after because they were doing things for other classes during flex. Dean 1 stopped by while one of the seniors was making up an APGOV test, and the look he gave to those FRQ questions was pretty great (I suspect my student may have been feeling the same way about them). He was there to talk about his recent visit to my class, and apologize for not having his written feedback done; long story short, there have been some Incidents that have occupied his time.
Another thing that’s happening: unusually high absence rates. There’s no one cause- like, we’re not having a Covid outbreak- but several different ones. Some families are taking trips, some kids are sick, there’ve been an odd number of injuries (broken bones, concussions, etc...) It’s bad timing since the quarter is ending on Friday, but it is what it is.
#teaching#teachblr#edublr#educhums#education#teacher#high school#social studies#day forty six#Dean 1#holla at the career tech department
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Midnight Musings - Mortality
Every once in a while, something happens that makes you realize that you could die at any given moment.
A bit of a sobering thought, but also...comforting? It’s weird. All of my life, I have feared being forgotten. It’s why I’ve come up with so many stories, tried to spread them, tried to plant seeds of memory in the minds of others. Fanfiction, actual novels that never got off of the computer screen, DnD campaigns that made me realize that I actually do have a knack for storytelling, for emotion, for tense moments and deep drama.
I remember moments when authors I’d adored passed on. When authors who have forever marked the modern scene simply...passed on. No more words. No more stories, no more fascinating settings, no more anecdotes.
Oddly, the nature of Mortality never really hit me until Technoblade died.
Now, firstly: I do not follow any Minecraft anything. At all. I’ve played the game maybe a total of 12 times. I actually never even watched one of his videos until after he’d died, but...he had been so persistent, so utterly present in the online scene. He was referenced in fanart, fan animations ( which I did have a habit of trying to find and follow along with) and for years I’ve been puzzled by his popularity.
then, out of the blue, he was just kind of...gone. People were mourning, anthems and animations received new comments about how they hit different now, since their inspiration was gone. Sadder, more forlorn.
*
A lot of what I have done in my life has been in a mad quest for legacy. I know - as I mentioned in my last pondering around 2:00 AM - that in the grand scheme of humanity, I am a drop in the pond, as likely to succeed as any other- being not very much, but more than some. I will make an impact on many lives, but, tomorrow, three hours from now, seven years from now, something might happen that would... turn out the lights. And then it might be me, lying on the cold floor, or the unforgiving burning concrete of Las Vegas, who’s life would cease. All the stories kicking around in my mind, the thoughts, the emotions, the memories...pass on. I won’t be able to share them anymore, not even once, not even in passing.
It’s a sobering thought. Each day I spend with my young family is a blessing, but do I treat it like one? Do I savor my daughter’s laughs as she spins in circles, having discovered that she can swing her arms wildly around her? Do I relish the embrace of my wife as she holds me close, as she hugs me when I get back from a fruitful day teaching martial arts? How would I be remembered by those around me? What will be the ashes, the footprints, the whispers on the wind that trail behind me after I am gone?
the most haunting thing is the thought that I might not know. I do believe in an afterlife, but will we be aware of the things said of us when we are gone?
Life will go on, and I don’t know if that is a comfort or an insult. The queen of England just died for example, and my personal life is 100% unaffected. ( USA citizen.) I just shrugged. Thought. “Huh. About time, she was 96 - that’s frickin old.” A bit direspectful, but that was my first response. At the same time, I know that she was an important figure to many - politically, culturally, emotionally even.
so, what do we do, when facing our own mortality? when facing the fact that an errant gunman or gangster could kill me without meaning to if a firefight broke out in the street 200 yards away?
We do our best, I have decided. We write, we laugh, we try to make the world around us a little brighter, a little cleaner, a little better in hopes that we can make a better world for our little ones when they have to face the horrors of this world. We write, we share our stories, we laugh around the campfire, as our ancestors have done for millennia upon millennia, till the finding of that first spark.
We are creatures of stories - let us share them, and laugh, and cry, and raise a glass for those forgotten souls who have passed on with only the quietest of echoes, who’s memories are fading and faded. And, best as we can, let us try to hold on to the memories of those who’s echoes still sound within our own minds.
-J.Na’Has
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Development Diary: Jude's World, Part 7
At last my solo, tarot-based TTRPG about a plucky preteen protagonist struggling to reunite their warring parents is in the hands of play testers. I've been resisting doing any active development until I've received more feedback, but let's talk about what I've been hearing so far.
Feedback #1: Tone
Test readers said they liked the game but found the tone "sombre". This was cause for concern.
I'm not sure why I assumed that my little game about divorce would be a giggle? But I did. While the genre of the game is not comedy, it is inspired by 90s kids shows that I loved, which always sprinkled sassy one-liners and hijinks in even throughout more serious plots. They wanted their main characters to be likeable and aspirational, and they needed to balance the tone of the heavier drama for kids. Why didn't more of that source inspiration come through in my initial draft? Well.
Firstly I wanted to make the rule text clear. This means balancing detail with conciseness - I don't want to leave unnecessary ambiguity, but I also don't want to exhaust my reader with minutiae. It's easy to forget when writing game texts that it's okay to sacrifice a little of each of these for the sake of flavour. The field of optimisation is a triangle, not a line.
Secondly I have a lot to say about society's attitudes towards divorce. Maybe the introduction to a game text, which is intended to entice and invite the reader, isn't the place to explore those concepts fully. Was I wrong when I wrote that divorce is a women's rights issue and a hard won privilege, access to which should be expanded in a free and progressive society, or that an virulently anti-divorce tone of parent-trap-style stories is deeply problematic? No. Is that potentially a downer to read about when you're trying to get into a playful headspace? Maybe. (Yes.)
I may write up some of these more intense thoughts in a separate blog post or essay and refer to that in my text rather than including them there. That way those who are interested can read up while everyone else can have some peace. Credit for this idea goes to Laurie O'Connell who mentioned using a similar strategy in one of his games while being interviewed on the excellent What Am I Rolling? podcast.
Feedback #2: Organisation
I should have seen this one coming. It's telling that I've overhauled the structure of the text 5 times now. The feedback is that it's still not flowing quite right.
From experience this is something I'll continue to tinker with until near the end of the development process. Although I have hit upon an idea I want to try in the next version: I want to try writing my game like an academic paper.
I studied Psychology at uni. I didn't really like it because my tutors expected me to, like, go to the library and read a lot of academic papers, which clashed with my pre-existing plans to chain-smoke in the pub all day. In the intervening years I've both quit smoking and somehow retained some knowledge of the structure of an academic paper: abstract, content, then conclusion, with all the same information in those three sections using different emphasis and levels of detail.
When I first learned about this format I thought it was insane. Why all that repetition? Then I actually did a spot of teaching and realised: that's just how we learn. You cannot say something once and expect a listener (or reader) to retain it. No matter how simple the message seems to you.
So I'm going to try that for the next version of my game. Simplified rules, followed by a rules deep dive, followed by a glossary/diagrams/play examples to enrich what we've covered before using different presentation styles. I'm excited about this idea. Let's see how it goes!
If you're interested in play testing the game I'm more than happy to provide subscribers with a copy of my current draft. You can email me at [email protected].
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DAY SIXTEEN to THIRTY-THREE
Long time no see! I found myself quite jaded with duolingo. Thankfully, this isn’t a duolingo blog, so I probably will switch to something else. The only thing I can praise about duolingo is that it’s good at helping users build habits but….. actually learning the language beyond the game leaves a lot to be desired. And I knew that. I’ve known that since my first duolingo rodeo in 2016. But for it to be so popular and still so lacklustre years later is…… sad.
TL;DR all duolingo is good for is building a habit and knowing juuuuust enough of a language to pass a school related test (of course duolingo would go hand in hand with another system known for wasting time but, this is exactly how it’s advertised so can’t be mad about it). If you aren’t able to learn a language via immersion, learn it via understanding. This is precisely why people recommend textbooks- and why I’ll personally recommend LanguageTransfer and Lingodeer. LT is a podcast sort of approach run by basically one guy, so the catch is it has a limited selection of languages. Lingodeer is a game approach similar to duolingo, but it has very professional and comprehensive notes that work wonderfully with the material, and significantly less repetitive sentences. The two catches are, I don’t know how the free version is anymore, as I bough LD’s premium a while ago, and I think it’s at its best when you’re learning a language with a different writing system (Arabic, chinese, Korean, etc)
If you REALLY REALLY want to learn with duolingo, play the “reverse tree” of your target language (ie the English for French speakers tree) It is a little shocking how much less babyfied some of those are. (This is also a 2016 technique lol) although they still have their weird time wasters…. (Pictured below: what the “English for Korean speakers” course thinks is the English alphabet) (I know from their pov they may have been trying to represent the variety of different pronunciations of the same letters in English, but it’s just inefficient to do it that way. They simply aren’t going to use these letters to spell words, so I think it will only lead to more confusion)
This blog has no following at all so this serves more as a reminder to future me to just not try with the owl again.
So! What happened to my big plans of beating the French course… sort of fast? Well, long story short I got sick of duo’s setup. It teaches new things so slow, often repeating the same few sentences for an entire unit (this problem is even worse in other courses but we’ll get to that) and while you can cheese it, why would you? To unlock another unit that does the same stuff? At some point you realize you aren’t actually retaining any information, and are just doing whatever you can to hear that *ding*… well again, that’s what duolingo advertised- the gameification angle- but it DID also promise language learning.
I took a bit of a break. Just spent my days doing a lesson or so, feeling bad knowing tomorrow will just be the same silly sentences. Then day 30 hits and with it I get a shiny 3 free days of super duolingo. No ads and no heart bs? Seemed like the perfect time to check out the Chinese and Korean courses, 2 languages I’m on again off again learning constantly, and both I only tried the duolingo version of when they were still in beta. I played the first 3 units of both. Hooooooo boy. The chinese tree is so braindead. It is the same 10 characters on loop, then suddenly they will chuck 6 others in and loop those for 6 more skills. Good news, by unit 3 you will DEFINITELY know how to say -“hello. My last name is (blank). My name is (blank blank). Bye”- It is a dumpster and Chinese is such a huge language there is a plethora of other resources at your disposal. It is not worth it to go with duo.
Now, the Korean course on the other hand, is bad in an interesting way. Now, because Korean has Hangul (one of the worlds best writing systems) duolingo understands it’s important to take the time to teach it to you. Awesome! But here’s the odd part, there is both almost the entirety of the first 2 units spent on learning the alphabet, as well as an alphabet tab(the lessons in which don’t use any hearts). So ok, they just neglected to remove the useless parts of the course since adding the tab in…… checks notes…. As early as may 2022. Fine, whatever. But a bigger issue is the ai for their Hangul is screwed. It just kept repeating gat, gang, gap, dak, and various vowels for the entire 2 hours I was chugging away on this, and to make it even worse the romanization is really confusing. Tumblr won’t let me print the characters so just bear with me; there is an established letter for g. There is an established letter for k. But in a word spelled to say “gag”(in Hangul) duolingo romanizes it as “gak”, probably because there’s a little nuance to how it actually sounds with a Korean accent, but when you romanize things based on how they sound in certain contexts rather than keeping it a consistent 1 to 1, it only makes things more confusing. This issue is extremely prevalent with the vowels. There is going to be a lot of nuance between e, u, eo, ui, i sounds based on context. So when duolingo asks me to say which vowel is for their romanization, it just turns into a weird guessing game. I know what these words say, but I don’t know what duolingo thinks the exact romanization is. Add to this a fun little game they play in unit 3 where they cram together similarly spelt words in hopes of catching you off guard, in lieu of an ACTUAL lesson.
Ah yes, the vocabulary itself. The Korean course doesn’t even bother with teaching you how to say hello. Remember, it thinks it’s more important to teach you Hangul. But there are SO MANY easy Korean words to choose from to learn Hangul with……. May as well use Hangul-ified names of American cities. That’s right. You’re going to learn such important vocab as “Boston… Philadelphia…. Pennsylvania….. New York…..” oh but it’s not all places! You absolutely need to know how to write “Hyundai” in Hangul! As if this weren’t confusing enough, it directly just…. Lies? It throws vocab at you like white, black, hair, diamond, silver, gold, key, just the English words but written in Hangul, then presents them as genuine vocabulary. The Korean words for those are quite simple, why make this weird middle step? Oh, right, to pad the course out. The final slap in the face is they later teach you the actual words, but their ai will keep shoving the old incorrect words in your face along with them. So sometimes it is just a question of “oh, ok. The actual word isn’t here, guess I have to use the wrong for this sentence for no reason. This isn’t even mentioning some of the actual sentences they teach are useful phrases such as “baby’s milk” “cucumber milk” “baby’s cucumber” “trash field”
Anyhow, the final mini update: super duolingo gives a LOT of exp. Like, dam, there is no point in trying at all for the ranking thing without it lol. I got legend for 2 units of Chinese, and 3 units of Korean, and for the Korean one I even got like a special blue legend (but it only shows on the website version). I reached Ruby and had a fun mini rivalry with the #2 person just before the results were set.
So, I guess that’s how I spent my Sunday afternoon. ��♂️
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How to convey information through dialogue without shoehorning it in
So you have information you want to plant into your story, and you would like to do that through dialogue. Naturally, you'd want to make the dialogue look natural, so that it doesn't scream -> This Piece Of Information <- Will Be Relevant To The Plot Later!!! I never saw any writing advice about this subject, so I thought I’d write up a post about it.
Say, for example, you want to plant the information that Barney is afraid of fridges. Fridges? Jup. That's weird. Jup. Which makes it all the more difficult to bring up in a scene. And what makes it even more difficult, you decided you want this dialogue to take place before the Thing With The Fridge Happens later on, so you're in a pickle. How do you bring up a fear of fridges, when there are no fridges around?
First, I'm going to show you how shoehorning the information in a dialogue would look like.
Don't do this:
Annie and Barney are in a scene that has nothing to do with fridges.
Annie: "By the way," she asked casually, "have I ever asked you what your worst fear is? Since we’re on this quest together, we should know these things about each other."
Barney: "Fridges. They scare the bejeebers out of me."
Annie: "Fridges?" She laughed incredulously. "How come?"
Barney: "Well, one time my brother locked me into a fridge, and I've been afraid ever since."
Annie: “That makes sense, Barney. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
Try to avoid using things like “by the way” or “suddenly” in this part of the dialogue, because that’s a shoehorn red flag.
Instead, you want the conversation to flow from something inconspicuous to the information you want to plant and then into at least one other topic.
Do this:
Annie and Barney are in a scene that has nothing to do with fridges, for example they are thrown into a snake pit during their quest.
Barney deals with venomous snakes without a second thought.
Annie, in the corner, trying to get a hold of herself: "I can't believe you're not afraid of those snakes."
Barney: "You just got to know how to handle them."
Annie, in awe: "You're fearless."
Barney, laughs: "Trust me, I'm not. You should see me around fridges."
Annie: "Fridges...?"
Barney: "My brother locked me into one when we were little. I almost suffocated. Never trusted them ever since. Nor my brother, obviously."
The conversation continues about his relationship with his brother, making it seem like that's the important bit. You sneaked the information about Barney's fear for fridges into the dialogue about snakes and his brother.
Let’s break that down, shall we?
This conversation has three topics: snakes, fridges, and Barney’s brother. The snakes and Barney’s brother don’t really matter. They could just as well be completely different topics. (I'll show you later.) Their only function is to ease into the conversation about Barney’s fridge fear and ease out of it without drawing the reader’s attention to its importance.
Topic 1: Something present in this scene that has a thing in common with topic 2
Discussing the snakes feels organic and natural, because they are kind of hard to ignore in this scene. Make the first topic something related to what the characters see, feel, experience in that particular scene… Write a piece of dialogue about topic one.
Topic 2: The information you want to plant
Then transition into the topic switch. How? The topic of fridges and the topic of snakes have one thing in common: fear. Specifically, Annie is afraid of snakes and Barney isn’t, but he is afraid of fridges. Bringing this interesting bit into the conversation changes the topic again, because how can you not go into a sentence like this?
Topic 3: Anything related to topic 2 you can latch onto
The topic is changed yet again after the information you planned to plant. Just let this part of the dialogue run its course. It doesn’t matter much what you do with it, as long as you don’t stop the dialogue right after the moment you delivered the line you needed to deliver. The trick is to make the conversation flow to and from your chosen topic.
Let’s look at another example, something more realistic. You still want to convey the fact that Barney is afraid of fridges, but this time, Annie and Barney are not on a quest, they are in a romance novel.
Barney and Annie are looking out over the ocean. She brought a bottle of wine, a light breeze cools their skin, in the distance, a cargo boat slowly glides along the horizon. It seems like a perfect moment.
Barney raises his glass and compliments Annie: “You pick great wine.” (topic 1)
Annie: “Thanks. I did a wine course last year in my local community center, a series in which we learned all about the different kinds of wine and what to pair it with.”
Barney: “Sounds like fun. You should teach me sometime. Did you get to taste everything?”
Annie: “Yeah, of course. That was the main reason I joined. What about you? Which wine do you prefer?”
Barney: “Oh, I’m not a connaisseur. I like anything but white wines.” (change of topic)
Annie: “Why not?”
Barney, embarrassed: “Red wines are usually kept at room temperature, and white wines go in the fridge.”
Annie, after a second: “I can’t see the problem there.”
Barney, embarrassed: “Ah. Well. I don’t like fridges. Like, not at all. My brother once locked me into one, and – well, let’s say it was a hugely traumatic experience.” (boom, there it is: topic 2)
Annie, confused: “But – How do you keep your food fresh?” (change of topic) (doesn't necessarily have to happen so soon after The Line)
Barney, still embarrassed: “I go to the supermarket every other day.” (topic 3)
The conversation continues about going to the supermarket every other day and foods that Barney can't eat because they spoil too fast outside of the fridge. Annie is surprised to hear how many things can be kept at room temperature for a day or two. (topic 3,5)
That's it, folks :)
I hope this was helpful. Don’t hesitate to ask me any questions, and happy writing! This post was inspired by a question from @therska.
Follow me for more writing advice, or check out my other writing tips here. New topics to write advice about are also always appreciated.
Tag list below the cut. If you like to be added to or removed from the list, let me know.
@therska @writingwordsanddrawingpictures @the-words-we-never-said @writingwhithotchocolate @i-rove-rock-n-roll @maskedlady @no-time-like-write-now @timefire25 @black-lakritz-dragon @nzmayart @fandomrandomness-stuff @dangertoozmanykids101 @anaestheticdisaster @storytellingofravens @purpleshadows1989 @mathematicpony @i-don-t-know-words @notquitenovelist @coffeescribles @reffaces @livingthelovelylife @katsglabella @lokitty-is-my-spirit-animal @thefallenbibliophilequote @watchmewritedumb @sting-the-scribe @kais-writing-shit @dameschnee123 @curiosityonmars @oodlittlething
#writing advice#writing tips#writing#writeblr#writing tip#dialogue#dialogues#planting information#writing dialogue#writing problems#writer problems#sanne#how to tell me a story#bookishdiplodocus#exposition
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last kiss | rockstar!bucky
pairing: rockstar!bucky x popstar!reader
warnings: enemies to lovers, sexual themes, toxic behaviour, swearing, mentions of miscarriage
masterlist (false god)
the words that you whispered for just us to know. you told me you loved me so why did you go away
6 YEARS AGO
Bucky woke up with the piano keys being softly hit. The melody was slow, almost melancholic in nature yet appeared to linger on this sense of calmness. Moving from the bedroom and opening the door there she was, his jumper sliding off her shoulder as she held a pencil in the middle of her lips, looking at a small piece of yellow note paper sellotaped to the piano wall. Mindlessly, he smiled, leaning down to kiss the top of her head before sitting next to her, his head leaning on her shoulder.
- What are you playing, princess? - he said in a low voice, still laced with sleep.
- Just something silly. - her hands rested on her lap as she turned to face him. - Good morning.
- Good morning, princess. - he leaned in to kiss her, the taste of the white chocolate spread she put on her pancakes still present on her lips. - It sounded good, what are you playing?
- It's just something silly, Jamie.
- C'mon, tell me.
- Alright. Put your hands on the piano. - the corner of her lip raised. Bucky looked at her curiously before placing his hands on top of the yellowing keys.
Her warm hands slide on top of his, her eyes softly focused on the keys as she moved his hands and fingers through the keys. Y/N had a certain thing about everything that she wrote; she didn't write like a regular musician, she had loads of books in the shelves from her favourite composers and her style had mashed into the melody telling what was going inside of her mind. She moved his fingers and hands, going through a line which almost always remained lower, having highs but quickly going to low notes.
- The very first piece my teacher taught me to play was Something's Coming from West Side Story. - she said, continuing to manipulate his hands. - They wrote the whole thing with three notes and then they toy around with them to create a coherent fabric.
- Are you gonna teach me to play West Side Story?
- No, you're a terrible student. - she laughed. - You can't bang the piano keys like you do your drums.
- I can bang you. - he kissed under her jaw. - It's a pretty song, baby. What's it about?
- It's about you.
- You wrote a sad song about me?
- It's not a sad song. - she moved his hands over her thighs. - I just like soft melodies while you like bang pots and pans.
- You mean to tell me you're not gonna be the Stevie Nicks to my Lindsey Buckingham?
- They had an abusive relationship, James.
- Cher and Sonny?
- Messy divorce.
- A groupie to my future band?
- I'm no groupie. You live in my apartment, you're my groupie.
- Hey, I agreed with you moving to my apartment.
- With your 5 roommates, the former striper and her snake Wayne?
Bucky rolled his eyes playfully. It was safe to say that Y/N was not a roommate sort of person, she liked her space, liked being able to keep everything organised and cleaned like she preferred. He had suggested she move in with him a few years ago, but he had to admit the 5 roommates quickly had her saying no. Not only those but one of his roommates girlfriend, a former stripper, had a snake which Y/N wasn't particularly found of. Better to move with her instead.
She closed down the piano turning to stare at him before he lifted her up, twirling her in the air and filling her face with kisses. The living room became filled with her giggles and the sound of air being cut through as he spun her around.
- Let me tell you one thing. - he laid her on the couch, standing over her. - One day we'll have a massive town house and you'll have a very big piano to write your sad songs.
- I don't need that, Jamie. - her fingers laced onto his growing hair, putting it behind his ears.
- We will have a good life. I promise, princess.
- Jamie ... - he let himself softly fall flush against her, his arms wrapped around her. Turning around, her back against his, he kissed the back of her head. - We have a good life. We don't need more money, we don't need fame. You're enough for me.
PRESENT
Turns out waking up after making a huge mistake is worse than waking up with a pounding headache. Although, she did have a pounding headache from drinking and the lingering feel of his face between her legs. Looking to her left, she saw the black bag Val had given her. Perhaps she was right, maybe she needed something else so she wouldn't go find Bucky.
Shifting around in her fleece blanket, she came face to face with the brown teddy bear which stared at her almost as if it was judging her. Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, everywhere. Part of her had believed she was over him, she'd gone on other dates after he left. Sure she hadn't dated anyone to the extent she dated him, but she'd been busy with her career. Oh why bother? Bucky was always gonna be running through her mind. The one that got away.
She turned away from the bed, her hair pushing it off her bed to stare at the window, a fantastic view of the Upper East Side bought from her merchandised pain. It was beautiful but it felt as if something was missing.
A knock on her door had her grumpily jumping off her bed. Perhaps it was Anna, ready to complain to her about going to club; however as she opened the door, she instead saw the mailman, Larry.
- Morning, Miss. There's a parcel for you. - he offered her a clipboard. She signed on the dotted line and was given a box from Venus Et Fleur.
Thanking the postman, she closed the door, walking up to her couch and placing the box in her lap. She'd gotten them before from her label when she first put out her single and then her album. Maybe she'd broke something on the Billboard or maybe from the Vanity Fair photoshoot. Opening the box, her second guess appeared to be right as on top of a bed of pale pink roses was one of the photos from Vanity Fair.
She put the box with the roses on her side table, grabbing the photo printed in glossed paper with a smile which faded as she turned it around to see a familiar handwriting. Nice teddy bear, princess. She sighed, looking at his signature in the bottom before throwing the photo to the side but before she could even complain to her friends, her phone rang.
- Hello?
- I see you got my flowers, princess. - his voice came from her phone.
- Are you stalking me?
- No, princess. The tracking just said you received them. Did you like them?
- I don't like roses.
- You also said you didn't like me but kept the teddy I gave you. Clearly, you changed your mind.
- How did you even get my phone number?
- I got my ways, princess. - she rolled her eyes. - Do you want to go grab lunch with me, maybe?
- No, I'd rather choke.
- If you come to lunch with me, I promise I will stop bothering you and if you don't like it I'll choke you myself.
- You're obsessed.
- I've always been obsessed with you, princess. Why are you surprised?
- Goodbye, Bucky.
6 YEARS AGO
Y/N ran after the small toddler who giggled as his tiny legs made tracks over the fresh cut grass of the kindergarten backyard. She caught up to him, lifting him up in the air and bringing him back to the playroom where all the other kids were. She passed on to start organising the small tables, putting out fresh paper and new coloured pencils. Her head was slightly on the clouds as she thought on the end of the Friday, going back home and eating pizza on the couch with Bucky. This week had been tiring, Bucky had been tired, she had been tired and all she wanted right now was to go home and not think about work for two days, to rest with her boyfriend.
As she crotched down to place the last pencil case by the clear paper, she felt cramping in her lower abdomen. Dropping the pencil case by the paper, she put her hand over it, breathing in and hoping it was just a muscle spasm however the cramping only intensified.
- Are you alright? - the head teacher asked, putting her hand on her shoulder.
- Yeah, I'm just ... cramping.
- Are you on your period?
- No. - she bit on the inside of her lip. - Not the time.
- Maybe we should take you to the hospital, in case its appendicitis or something.
- No, it's fine, I'm o ... - her phrase was cut short as she held onto her lower abdomen, slightly bending over.
- Alright, honey. I'm calling the nurse.
The school nurse had her sent straight to the hospital. Then everything went too fast, she was surrounded by doctors and nurses, doing tests she'd never heard of. Her mind was running laps over itself, as she was once again rushed to a doctor's office. The nurses were whispering to each other and the doctor entered the office, holding a clipboard with an expression which could only be described as heavy, pulling onto his expression. He took a seat in front of her, laying down the clipboard.
- I am so very sorry, but your baby has not survived.
- But ... I'm not pregnant. - she let out a nervous laughter. - I had my period just last week.
- Some women experience light vaginal bleeding during early pregnancy. I am so very sorry but you are young, you will most likely easily be able to get pregnant after a recommended pause.
The words echoed in her brain as she appeared to shut from everything that was being said to her. She couldn't really hear to anything he was saying. She wasn't pregnant, she couldn't be pregnant, she was careful. She hadn't been pregnant, she hadn't miscarriaged. It couldn't be, it can't be, the results must be wrong.
- Miss, do you have someone who can come pick you up?
- Uhm ... my boyfriend should be home now.
- I'll sign off your release. You should avoid any sexual contact from 4 to 8 weeks and the nurse at the front should be able to provide you with some pamphlets on support we can offer you during this time. Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.
Everything was quiet yet all echoed. The sound of the door opening to the nurse giving her the pamphlets, everything was echoing yet not registered even as she pulled her phone to call Bucky. Her hand crumpled the papers in her hand as she attempted to call him once more to no avail. He should be home now, he said he'd be home, had he gotten caught up at work?
Whatever reason it was, she didn't wanna be here. She wanted to be away from her, she wanted a reason to put this away from her mind and so she did. She got a taxi back home and climbed all the stair flights up to her apartment. At the sight of her apartment's door, she sighed, comfort was behind that door. However, as she opened the door, the flat was quiet.
- Jamie? - she weakly called to no response. Looking to her right, his jacket was hanging from the hook. Maybe he was sleeping.
She made her way to their bedroom yet when she opened the door, she wished the hadn't. Some drawers were opened and others were half closed with some of her clothes hanging from them. Running to them, she noticed all his drawers were empty. No.
She ran over to the wardrobe, opening it to see that none of this clothes were there. The places were his shirts and jeans laid were now empty, the hangers void of any fabric. No, no, no, no, no.
- James?! - she rushed once again to the kitchen, hoping that this was just a big nightmare but no. All of him was gone, all that was his was nowhere to be found except for that jacket.
She dragged herself to the hook, grabbing the jacket before sliding down the wall. Her fingers pressed his name on her contact list for what felt like 30 times but no response came, all she heard were the end messages, not even his voice. Her voice bubbled into sobs, her hand gripping the leather jacket as she came to a realisation - he was gone, she was alone.
so i'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes, all that i know is i don't know how to be something you miss.
taglist: @prettywhenicry4 @bubblespeare @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @silkeiy @rowanthomasknapp @smallestsnarkestgirl @broco8 @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer
#sebastian stan#sebastian stan fanfiction#sebastian stan/reader#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian stan/y/n#sebastian stan x y/n#sebastian stan x you#sebastian stan/you#sebastian stan imagine#bucky#bucky barnes#bucky/you#bucky x you#bucky/y/n#bucky x y/n#bucky x reader#bucky/reader#bucky imagine#bucky au#rockstar!bucky#rockstar bucky barnes#drummer!bucky
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Confidental Composition//Bakugo
!!!MINORS DNI!!! 18+ONLY !!!
This is the first part of my little 'Teachers Pet Series' (I will add the link once I got all parts covered and the right ideas).
Summary: A simple task fucked up late at night as you send the wrong version of a piece of homework to your English literature teacher Mister Bakugo. Of course, he would want to see you after class the next day. But not for the reasons you might think.
Pairing: Docent!Bakugo x afab!student!y/n // Words: 4.2k+
Side note: Insert a friend or random name you want for X :)
TW: nsfw: slow burn (sorry), spanking with a ruler, hair pulling, being bend over a desk, calling him sir, spitting, choking, dirty talk, degrading, slight praise
„Write an essay about the worst description of a woman or coitus. In the essay, explain why it is bad and then rewrite it. At least 30 pages, max. 60 pages (sources and any other extras you please to include, excluded). Due Date: 8 weeks from now on, 35% worth of your end grade. Questions can be asked per E-Mail, or, if you must, I’m free every Wednesday afternoon for meetings strictly for this essay and this essay only.“
A sigh left your lips as you starred at the piece of paper for the tenth time today ever since he handed it out to you and your classmates. The options you had were endless, you knew so many bad pieces about both topics and could write more than 100 pages about them as well. Everyone in class you talked to had decided on their topic already, some were even further. It was X who told you to just write the topics on a piece of paper and let fate do its work.
Black ink on a badly ripped blue note decided that you were going to write about a sex scene. Just now that you thought about it, rewriting something like that for your professor to read was an awfully stupid idea, yet you decided to listen to a small piece of paper.
At first, you were going to go with Fifty Shades of Grey but you felt like the choice was chewed up and spat out. It took you three days to finally decide on a book and once you settled there was no turning back. Considering your ignited interest in this topic you weren’t surprised when you were done within the first four weeks. Knowing the editing is going to take another week, maybe even a week and a half, you decided to take a small break, just one or two days off. On your second day, you decided to visit the new coffee shop that had just opened up around the corner.
Never had you expected to see your professor near your living spot. You were about to greet him when you noticed his pissed-off expression on his face and only now did you spot the woman behind him. She grabbed his arm and made him turn on the relatively small and empty street.
„Suki you can’t be serious,“ she was angry and hurt, while he seemed to be angry and annoyed. Not much of a difference than to how you see him on the daily, to be honest.
„Are you fucking stupid? Of course, I’m fucking god damn serious. It was your choice to cheat on me and now I choose to throw you on the streets where you apparently belong, go ask one of your little boy toys to take you in for all I care,“ you were frozen in place, not entirely sure what to do. Right now your eyes were glued on his chest that was clad in a tight, black pullover, rising up and down heavily as his nostrils were flared caused by his anger.
„Because you gave me no choice! If you like that sort of weird, rough shit then paddle your own canoe! I need something soft and tender-,“ before she could finish her sentence he laughed. Cold and slightly maniac in a way.
„Then get some fucking chicken! If you don’t like how I’m in bed then break up with me and piss off but don’t send my best friend a nude to ask him to come over. Even a ten-year-old would see how stupid that is,“at that moment your eyes met. His eyebrows were furled together, red eyes expression furry and disgust. Blond hair usually styled like he was going to be on the cover of Vogue, like he had been before, now slightly messy. Plump lips slightly apart to let his teeth shine through slightly before wetting them with his tongue. Your eyes widened and before you knew what you were doing you waved at him, making him cock his eyebrows in confusion for a second before noticing it was you who he was looking at. Turning on your heels you walked past busy crowds of people as you walked back home, trying to understand what you had just seen and why your angry professor had turned you on more than anyone had done before.
It was a stupid idea to ditch the next teaching unit of his but you had absolutely no clue how you were going to look at him. You knew teachers had a private life themselves, but never would you have guessed that you would run into one of them in your small area. As far as you knew he lived across town according to the very, very few private stories he had shared in magazines.
„Dear Professor,
down below is my finished project as an attachment in form of a PDF. I know you request it to be printed as well and I had planned to hand it in today, but sadly I came down with the flu. I’m looking forward to attending your next unit in the following week.
Have a nice week,
Y/N Y/L/N“
Maybe he had forgotten that you were there already and you were worrying too much about it. You were his student, nothing more, nothing less. Bakugo could care less about you, right? The flu did go around a lot right now, so it wouldn’t be completely unthinkable that you were sick. Itching eyes signaled you that it was time to go to bed now, so you closed your laptop and went to bed, not knowing what the next day will hold for you.
X had waited for you at the main entrance the next day to give you all the information you might need and ask why you weren’t there, considering it was obvious that you had the flu for one day only. At first, you were hesitant to explain what you had witnessed, it was messy already and you doubt Mister Bakugo would want the fight to go viral at his workplace.
„Just one of those days you know? I had my mind completely full and felt like crap,“ that was the best excuse you could come up with, a white little lie that wouldn’t harm anyone.
„Glad to see you’re doing- Oh, hello Professor,“ X smiled at someone behind you. There was no need to turn around to know who it was, the scent of his very expensive and extremely beguiling perfume clouding your mind.
„Hello,“ his gruff voice greeted your friend shortly as you turned around, met with his muscular chest. You didn’t expect him to be so close to you, but here you were, tilting your head slightly as you looked up to him through your lashes, feeling not just your cheeks growing hot.
„Good morning Sir,“ your voice sounded a lot more confident than you were feeling. Bakugo clenched his fist around the fake leather of his bag, his red eyes starring right into your soul as you had no chance of escaping whatever was going to happen next.
„Miss Y/L/N, just the person I was looking for,“ fuck.
„You were?“ X and you said at the same time, but your friend decided to excuse themself after a single glare from the older man.
„How may I help you, Professor?“ You asked after swallowing down the anxious feeling that threatened to rise.
„I received your Mail yesterday, with the PDF,“ okay, why did he search you just to tell you he got your assignment? Was it that bad?
„But I’m relatively sure that it was the wrong one, considering I doubt that you want your teacher to know that 'this shit is so bad, but I wouldn’t mind being bent over a writing desk like that' with a smirking emoji at the end,“ only when his finger pushed your chin upwards gently you noticed that it was agape, shame filling every molecule in your body as you already planned your escape out of this country. Nobody was near you to see the weirdly intimidating scene happening between you and your teacher.
„Also I know you didn’t have the flu. I don’t appreciate being lied to. Tomorrow five p.m. in my office, don’t be late or you will get in more trouble. Send me the actual version tonight so I can grade it. I won’t let something as unprofessional as this slide again, understood?“ You nodded, taking in all of the information given to you, and somewhat in all of this mess felt thankful that he was giving you a second chance.
The man in front of you rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue, ordering you to speak up.
„Yes Sir, thank you,“ you sounded more confident than you felt inside.
„Good,“ was all Bakugo said before he turned around, leaving you behind in the big hall dumbfounded and confused… And horny.
As if Chronos himself felt immense joy in your misery, minutes appeared to be hours and the panic inside of you only grew the closer you came to five in the afternoon. You tried everything, watching a show, listening to podcasts and audiobooks, reading a book you had put of for so long, went outside, cooked something, worked on another assignment, stopped yourself from destroying your hair, made the phone call you so desperately had put off and it’s still only ten p.m on the same day. How was that even possible? As you laid in bed you tossed and turned, the thought of your really hot teacher all angry, breathing heavily, his hands roaming your body. It was hard to pinpoint exactly when those thoughts turned into a very lucid dream, but when you woke up in the morning, already an hour too late to your first period, all you wanted to do was scream into your pillow.
Considering first class is canceled, you wanna go grab breakfast?
X texted you.
Canceled? Checking your mails you saw your teacher had sent out a mail, excusing themselves and explaining they came down with the flu. A blessing in disguise. You let X know that you would meet up at the building and go grab something near it. Once agreed, you took a quick shower, a moment of peace given to you as water hit your body. There was no way you could do anything between your last class and the meeting with Professor Bakugo, so you tried to look your best possible for the next upcoming hours.
Suddenly time flew by and the closer you got the more you begged for a little bit more time, for him to postpone it, anything. But no, here you were, five minutes early and looking around to spot the blond man with no luck.
„Miss Y/L/N. Step inside,“ you jumped slightly as his voice boomed up behind you, not expecting him to be in the office already.
Once you walked inside you were stunned about how clean everything was, no matter where you looked it was neat. His books were sorted alphabetically with marks between them to let him know when a new letter began. As far as you could tell he used cherry wood for his pieces of furniture, a big, black carpet in a corner underneath a small seating area, and some books placed on the table. Even his paperwork was stacked in order. Big glass windows allowed the evening sun to fall into the room, its warmness kissing your skin while you were seated in front of him, a big writing desk between the two of you, on it your work.
It was quiet for a short moment, before he leaned back in his chair, red eyes mustering you up and down which didn’t help at all.
„What would you like to talk about first? Your assignment or the fact that you lied to me?“ Why was he so bothered by your lie? You knew plenty of students calling in sick every once in a while even though they aren’t.
„I apologize for both of it. It shouldn’t have happened and I learned from my mistake,“ you were hoping that it would ease his anger a little bit but he seemed more worked up than usual.
„Although I don’t understand why you are so angry at me for it? Plenty students lie-,“
„Yes, but they aren’t stupid enough to make it so obvious,“ he interrupted you.
„I could care less about who’s missing my class, it’s their fault in the end if they decide learning is unnecessary. However you are one of my top students, I expected better from you. You could have excused yourself with no explanation. But you chose to add the feeble lie about being sick for what?“
You took in a deep breath, feeling as if another lie would be caught immediate, so you had no other choice but to tell him the real reason:
„I heard the fight you had with the woman you were with, in the café, and I didn’t know how to react when I see you in your class,“ there was a small moment where he looked honestly confused before something clicked in his brain.
„So it was you who I saw. What did you hear?“
„I can’t really rem-,“
„One more lie and I will lose my temper, don’t test me,“ shit, why was he turning you on so much right now. He’s your teacher for god’s sake and angry at you, this wasn’t the right time.
„That she doesn’t agree with certain things in your private life,“
„Like?“ he knew you tried to talk around it, yet he wanted you to talk about, to see you embarrassed again, he liked that look on you.
„The way you fuck,“ it was said before your brain could even comprehend the words, another apology laying at the tip of your tongue but his next question cut you off before you could say something else.
„Why were you there in the first place? I’ve been there a few times and never saw you or any other student,“ he explained.
„Because I live close by?“ It sounded more defiantly than you had wanted, causing your opponent to cock his eyebrow.
„I feel like you’re forgetting who’s the authority figure here,“ he walked up to his door, locking it before coming back. Now he was right in front of you, slightly sitting on his desk and the sleeves of his button-up shirt pushed up a little.
„No sir, I’m sorry,“
„You see, the problem is, I don’t really believe you,“ with that he pulled you up, bodies pressed against each other, letting you feel his toned torso while the muscles in his arms flexed slightly.
„You lied to me once already, I think I have to teach you a lesson,“ everything happened so fast and you suddenly found yourself face down on his desk with his hand between your shoulder blades, the other one grabbing his wooden ruler.
„If I recall correctly this is what you wanted right?“ His voice was low, slightly above a whisper as his upper body was pressed against your back while he pulled a few hair strands from your face.
„Yes, but Professor I don’t think this is a good idea,“ your inner voice yelled at you, saying this was the best idea ever, angry that you possibly ruined your dreams coming true.
„Tell me to stop and I will do so immediately. Your choice. There will be no consequences if you worry about that,“ he reassured you, waiting for you to get up and run, but you didn’t and the current position allowed him to feel you clench your legs.
„So?“ He asked again, the ruler in his hand basically burning with the anticipation of hitting your skin.
„No, don't stop,“ you breathed, awaiting his next move.
„Good,“ with that he exposed your raised ass, your underwear the only thing between your bare skin and the wood that came down upon it, one foot raising in the air because of the sudden pain.
„From now on if you say stop I won’t listen, you will tell me how you feel through colors. If it’s too much you tell me red and I will drop everything, understood?“ Another spank was delivered to the same spot.
„Yes,“ another one. You weren’t sure if he hit harder or if your skin turned more sensitive with every blow.
„It’s sir to you,“ you could feel him lunge out but shortly before the ruler came down he stoped, laughing slightly at your small jump.
„Yes sir,“ another one.
„You’re going to apologize every time my ruler paints your cute ass even redder, got it?“ You nodded your head, a moan escaping the back of your throat as he spanked you yet again.
„One more thing, be a good girl and stay quiet, wouldn’t wanna get caught now do we?“ He knew it was going to be torture for you to follow his order the more he continued and in a way he wanted you to fail. There was so much build-up inside of him and it appears that you were willing enough for him to use you as he pleased. That’s why you were his favorite. Bakugo knew what he was doing was wrong and he never expected to feel this way for one of his students but forbidden fruit tastes the best.
You stopped counting after the seventh blow, sorries, sirs and small whimpers fall from your lips as if they were your whole vocabulary. At one point you started crying, tears mixed with mascara running down your cheeks. He tried to remember something that turned him on more than the sight of your messed-up body with no luck. Everything build up inside of him, everything itching in his hands, the inner desires he had to soften for his ex, it all was going to come down on you. His thick girth twitched at the simple thought of finally being surrounded by your dripping wet cunt.
A warm soft hand rubbed over your bruised flesh while the other one found its way into your hair to pull you up to him, your back arched.
„What are you sorry for?“ Your mind was clouded with pleasure and pain, the only thought right now was the feeling of his dick print right between your sore cheeks.
„I asked my little bitch a question, I expect you to fucking answer,“ this time he spanked you with his hand but it was just as intense as his ruler.
„I don’t know,“ you breathed, a soft moan slipping out of you when his thumb barely circled your throbbing clit.
„You’re just apologizing because you want me to use you?“ You could hear him chuckle lowly before he pushed your underwear to the side, his middle finger now playing with you.
„Yes sir,“ Katsuki couldn’t hear a single ounce of shame in your voice and he wondered how long you had been thinking about him like this before.
„I never expected you to be such a dumb, cock hungry whore,“ The sound of his belt hitting the floor was dull like it was far away from you but at the same time, you felt him closer than before. Strong hands around your waist turned you around and once again he lifted your head with his finger underneath your chin, studying your ruined make-up as if he was memorizing every little detail he never wanted to forget. The blond, muscular man lifted you with ease, your behind getting a small moment of cooling as it hit his wooden desk.
Bakugo dried your tears slightly with his thumb, smearing it even more.
„Only for you,“ you whispered and in that moment he couldn’t stop himself, he just had to kiss you. Not sweet and gentle, but passionately and hungry, like he was poisoned and your kiss was the antidote. The hand behind your head traveling to the front as you were laid down completely.
„If I had known before I would have fucked you so much sooner,“ with one hard thrust he was buried deep inside of you, one hand over your mouth because he knew you wouldn’t be able to keep quiet and the other one around your throat, squeezing shut and watching you struggle against it slightly. Your professor was thicker than what you were used to and you didn’t know how good it would feel until now. With the first few snaps of his hips, you knew you never wanted to feel something else anymore.
Your hands went to his arms and you tugged on them, causing him to let go as the blood found its way back to your brain.
„Color?“ he asked, afraid you weren’t able to handle him.
„Green,“ was all you could get out before another moan cut off your ability to talk.
„Good girl,“ he whispered into your ear, kissing down from your earlobe to your shoulder before sucking on a rather sensitive spot. Both of your wrists were held over your head with his left hand, with the explanation that he doesn’t appreciate being stopped while using you however he pleased. The right hand was going from between your chest after he admired your bouncing tits thoroughly, to your stomach to connect with your most sensitive bundle of nerves. Bakugo switched from circles to eights, from fast to slow, but the harshness of his hips never haltered.
„I know you wanna scream right now, but I can’t allow that. Can’t let others hear what a dirty slut you are for me right now. I promise I will fuck you in my house if you behave now. You can moan my name as much as you want. Or maybe I will gag you, watch you drool all over yourself. Maybe I will tie you up and edge you for an hour straight until you’re begging me to fuck you, you like the sound of that, huh? I can feel you squeezing around me,“ another chuckle left his plump lips as he watched you struggle to stay up on your feet.
„Maybe I will let you choke on my dick while I work on something for the next lesson. Gonna use you as my little cum dump. Let you think about it again when I talk about it in front of the whole class. Do-,“ you were so close when a sudden knock on the door startled you both, but he never once stopped what he was doing, if anything he went even harder, whispering into your ear to be quiet for him.
„Hey Kat, your ex is outside and says she wants to talk, want me to send her in?“ It was the psychologist professor Shinso, his voice as done and deep as usual.
„No, I’m occupied,“ Bakugo saw your mouth open after you fought so hard against it, he couldn’t let you moan, not right now. He did the first thing he could think of, spitting into it and watching you swallow. Oh, he would definitely film you do this with his cum covering you everywhere and the thought brought him slightly closer to his release.
„Still grading papers huh? I don’t get where you got all of that energy from,“ his voice was blurred out by Bakugo whispering into your ear.
„Do you want me to tell you what we're doing right now? Let him know I’m fucking my little toy stupid right now?“
And while you were shaking your head no it was the last straw for you and you found yourself grabbing his hand to put over your mouth, biting your lips until you tasted blood to muffle the scream you couldn’t stop. Bakugo cursed under his breath when he could feel you throbbing around his dick and your nails digging into his arm.
„Tell her to leave me the fuck alone, she’s already forgotten,“ his voice sounded strained and you knew he was close as well.
„Ah, I see. Well then have fun,“ his laugh was fading away the further he went.
„Can’t believe that made you cum, you’re even more perfect than I thought, such a dirty girl, tsk,“ both his hands are on your hips and he pulled your body against him with every thrust. You were still coming down from your orgasm when you felt his thrusts turning sloppy before he stopped completely, his dick now pulsing while he was holding you tightly. Breath uneven and getting stable on his feet again he turned you around, careful so he wouldn’t hurt you.
„Next time I gonna make sure you can’t walk but right now I need you to be able to leave the building,“ he pulled his pants back up and added: „Sadly,“ before walking around his desk.
It was still hard for you to stand so you sat down, wincing as the usually soft cushion now felt like thousand of tiny spikes on your bruised ass. Before you pull your bottoms up again he grabbed your wrist and pulled you up, once again with a stern expression on his face you were so familiar with.
„I apparently really fucked you stupid if you think I let you leave like this,“ having him put cooling cream on your bare bum felt more intimate than having him be balls deep inside you.
„Sorry I just thought-,“
„Well, you thought wrong. I don’t know what kind of boys you had in the past but now that you have me there are going to be changes, got that?“
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A Game of Chess
Carlos Sainz x reader
Request from @leesuhnakamoto-krys "Carlos Sainz x reader fluff"
Warnings: fluff, a slight reference if you squint.
Word count: 2.2 k
Requests are open :)
This year - due to the current pandemic - there were to be two races in Austria, however to keep with the theme of ‘no two races the same’ they were to be called different things: the Styrian grand prix for the first race and the Austrian Grand Prix for the second. This weekend saw the first of the two and your boyfriend Carlos Sainz finished a respectable 6th place behind his former teammate and current best friend Lando Norris.
The majority of the grid had decided to stay in the surrounding area, making the most of the time they had - not only to keep on training but to explore.
Travelling the world with Carlos was a dream come true and you were so lucky to be able to do your job on the move - you were a travel blogger/vlogger and were pretty well known for it as well. A large following of people that enjoyed watching your weekly lifestyle and travel vlogs alongside the photography that came with it.
It was the Monday following the race so Carlos had taken it as a rest day, you had woken up that morning in his arms, tracing circles on one of them as you both spoke about your plans for the day.
“And a haircut is what I really need.” He said to you, as you moved a strand that had fallen into his eyes.
“No, I like it long, you look more -” You paused. “Mature.” Giggling, you moved your hands up to run your fingers through his hair. He shook his head at you, a large smile plastered onto his face. He leaned forward onto his forearms, connecting your lips together for a brief second before pulling away and rolling out of bed. Leaving you, still huddled in all of the covers, watching him as he strode across the room to the hotel chest of drawers, pulling out two t-shirts; one of which he put on and the other being chucked in your general direction.
“So, cariño, what is your plan for today?” Carlos asked, flopping onto the bed and looking up to you.
“I think I’m going to go and explore the town, some of my followers have recommended a few places so I think I am going to check those out, take a few photos-” You trailed off as he began to draw patterns onto the palm of your hand. You smiled fondly at him, you had met just before lockdown completely by chance after you bumped into him in a train station. He had asked for your number and feeling like he had given you no reason to say no, you did and as it turns out, it was the best decision of your life. “What is your plan for the day ahead, mi Amor.”
“I think I am meeting Lando this afternoon at a café down the road. I’m going to teach him to play chess.” He said proudly, emphasising the word ‘chess.’
“Chess?” You questioned, reaching over for the top and putting it on. It was one of his old team McLaren t-shirts, you scoffed at his still apparent loyalty to the team; admittedly it was your favourite but Ferrari didn’t need to know that.
“Yes.” Carlos stated, he then pointed at the t-shirt you were wearing. “I would recommend not leaving the hotel room with that t-shirt on. I don’t want to get into trouble.” He fought to keep the smile off of his lips. Your eyes lit up, “I wouldn’t even dream of it, mi Amor.”
You had agreed with Carlos that as soon as you had finished what you had set out to do that morning, you would meet him in the café alongside Lando. “Do you fancy playing a game of chess with me, later?” You had asked before you went your separate ways.
Carlos gave a lopsided grin and kissed your forehead. “We will see, cariño, we will see.” With that he stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked down the street. Styria was a beautiful town, a handful of buildings situated in the mass of rolling hills and mountain tops that covered the landscape for as far as the eye could see.
You had walked up to a stone viewing point at the peak of the town, a small bench that overlooked the south past Styria and into the Austrian countryside.
You loved this time you got to yourself, it allowed for you to sit and reminisce; bathing in all of the memories that lead up to this point in your life. You thought back to the day Carlos asked you to move to Italy with him - due to him changing teams. It almost broke your relationship, the thought of leaving all of your family and friends behind in England but in the end you decided it was an adventure too thrilling to pass on...
It was a breezy summer evening in London, the clouds had blanketed the city and a faint rumble of the traffic could be heard from your apartment. Carlos had messaged you earlier that day, asking if he could talk to you when he got home - for the remainder of that afternoon nerves had settled comfortably in the pit of your stomach. At last you heard the unlocking of the door, your head whipped around to see a tired looking Carlos to fall through the door with a sigh. As soon as he looked up and saw you sat on the sofa, his eyes gleamed. “Mi amor.” He said tiredly, his brows knitted momentarily before he nodded his head. “Right, my text message.” You nodded unsure of where this conversation was heading. It was early days in your relationship so anything was possible.
“I got an offer from Ferrari-” He started, making his way over to you, you watched him intently, nibbling on your lower lip. “It’s an offer that in this industry you don’t turn down, obviously there is a lot to consider because it would mean leaving McLaren and-” He sighed, “This country behind.”
A line appeared between your brows, you didn’t speak for fear of interrupting his train of thought. He took your hand in his.
“If I signed with Ferrari, I would have to move to Italy-” Your mouth made an ‘o’ shape. “Which is why I wanted to ask you if you would come with me.”
You definitely didn’t expect him to ask this, any expression that was on your face before had been wiped as you took to staring. “I’m asking a big thing and obviously you don’t have to answer straight away.” He rushed in response to your dumbfounded expression.
For the next few days - after that conversation - the atmosphere between the pair of you had become tense, you had decided to call your sister and explained the whole situation to her. In a nutshell she called you an idiot for not saying yes immediately.
“I’ve been thinking-” You began to Carlos that evening . “I would love to move to Italy with you. It’s a good opportunity to really write our story, explore the world - together. It will be such a great adventure.” Carlos didn’t need to ask you twice and he enveloped you into his arms and span you around, meeting your lips with his.
“I love you.” He said, placing his forehead on yours. That night was also the first time those three words were exchanged. “I love you too.” You replied sweetly, your lips brushing his as you did so.
You smiled fondly at the memory. You were so lucky to have found Carlos - actually you found each other - you like to believe that it was the universe who had a hand in it. Carlos was your soulmate and you were honoured to be able to call him that.
Deciding it was time you made your way back to him, you started on your journey back to the main town - down the steep, winding path, birds darting overhead and the chirp of crickets sounding in the hedgerows.
You reached the café and as soon as you opened the door, you were hit with the smell of warm coffee, you went over to the counter and ordered yourself a latte - casting your gaze around the old fashioned shop, you were surprised to see that only a few people were sitting inside; an older couple, who had taken extreme interest in the pair you were here to see. You chuckled to yourself as the barista placed your drink onto the counter in front of you.
“Drew quite the crowd earlier.” He leant over the counter, pointing to the pair, they were stuck in an intense game of chess and by the looks of it - Lando was winning. Carlos looked up, shaking his head as Lando moved another one of his pieces off of the board; as he did he noticed you standing there and waved you over.
“Yes, I bet they did.” You chuckled, taking the drink and nodding ‘thanks’ to him. Carlos pulled a chair up for you and motioned to the chess board in anguish, “You will not believe it, mi Amor. He is beating me.” Lando was sat on the other side wearing a cocky grin and his arms crossed onto the table.
“So what you are trying to tell me, Carli , is that you taught Lando too well and now he is beating you.” You pointed out, the corners of your eyes crinkled. Carlos only glared at you, sighing dramatically. Lando played incredibly well and did take the victory, punching his arms in the air as he called out ‘checkmate.’
“The student becomes the master.” He cheered, high fiving you and offered to shake Carlos’ hand but Carlos pouted and pushed it away with his index finger. “No. How on earth did you win? I’ve only just taught you.” He cried out.
You looked at Lando as Lando looked at you, both fighting the urge to laugh. You couldn’t hold it in as you held onto the table - both doubling over.
“I love you, Carli, I really do but - boy - are you a sore loser.” You managed to say.
“Well, cheers, mate.” Lando said getting up, wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes. “I’m going to head off now. Dinner with Jon.” You waved as he left, fist bumping Carlos on his way past.
“Do you fancy a game with me now?” You asked, your elbow was resting on the table so you leant on the heel of your palm.
“On one condition.” Carlos said, setting the chess board back up, “As long as you promise not to beat me like Lando just did.”
“Of course, mi Amor.” You said, a hint of mocking in your tone. You admired the way he scrunched up his nose as he concentrated, working out what his first move was going to be.
“The aim of chess is to be in control of your opponent, you want to be able to trick them into doing exactly what you want them to do.” Carlos said, moving his first piece. “You have to play with dominance.” He added theatrically.
“You want me to be dominant?” You repeated incredulously, a smirk toying with your lips. “Well, why didn’t you say so. After all this time-”
“Mi Amor.” He gasped, lowering his voice. “Not like that -” He stammered, a pink flush rising up his neck. You only winked in reply and made your move.
“Go on, tell me more about chess.” You urged him on, watching as he went to make his move. He paused, met your gaze and narrowed his eyes. You shrugged innocently and he carried on; his gaze softened as a reminiscent haze coated his eyes.
“You know,” Carlos began, placing the chess piece down and resting both of his elbows onto the table. “When my dad first met my mum, he taught her how to play chess and they used to sit in the kitchen on a Sunday morning after church and play. It was then my mum who taught me, on the weekends when my dad was away racing; we used to sit in the kitchen together on a Sunday after church and play. It was always the highlight of my weekend.” You watched as he fondly spoke about his family, warmth filled your chest.
“You teach me well then and maybe we could turn it into a tradition.” You spoke gently, reaching over the table to take his hand in yours. Awe transformed his face as he gazed at you.
Many years later you would end up making it a tradition, as you taught your daughter how to play on a Sunday after church as she watched her daddy race. You would tell her the story every time you would go to play and every time you would think about how lucky you were to have bumped into that stranger in the train station. They say that you will find your soulmate when you least expect it and after all these years - you would have to agree.
#f1#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz jr#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz one shot#carlos sainz fanfiction#lando norris x reader#f1 2021#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fandom#formula one fanfiction#formula one one shot#formula one x reader#formula 1 x reader#formula one#Ferrari
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Imagine if Meng Shi begged and bargained and collected favors till she was able to send her A-Yao to education with the Lan Sect, perhaps even become a cultivator with them. Would he take that change? Would he become a rogue cultivator? Would the strict rules help curb his inner muderimpuls or enrage him or teach him to hide better?
A Good Fit - ao3
“The…Lan sect?” Meng Yao said doubtfully. “Are you sure?”
“I am sure,” his mother said, her mouth tight. She looked upset, the way she always did these days when he referenced, intentionally or otherwise, the original plan that she had had to send him to join his father, sect leader of Lanling Jin. She’d raised Meng Yao on a steady diet of stories of what his life would be like when his father finally took him back the way he’d promised her he would, stories that had filled his days and nights for years and years and years, and then just last year she’d suddenly stopped talking about it entirely. It was as if the person who’d told those stories had nothing to do with her.
Meng Yao didn’t know what had happened, but he assumed it must have been pretty bad.
“It'll be a good fit,” she added.
“Then I’ll go to the Lan sect,” he said, and pretended not see the way his mother relaxed a little, relieved that he wasn’t asking too many questions. “I’ve heard they are gentlemen there, righteous but gentle; it will be the best match for my personality, I’m sure.”
A lie, of course. ‘Gentlemen’ were just as likely to come to the brothel as brutes, and they were all the same once they had a cup of wine and a beauty in their arms – Meng Yao tried not to have any illusions.
“Can we afford it?” he asked instead, since that was something he was sure his mother would have thought of, would have expected him to ask. “Gusu is so far away…”
“I have obtained a letter from the local sect recommending you to their sect leader, Lan Qiren,” she said. “He’s the one that teaches the classes – the one that sent out the summons asking the subsidiary sects to look for individuals with raw talent to join his classes and offering them an extra seat for their sects for each nameless orphan they find that lives up to Lan sect standards. Only the Heavens know why he’s doing something like that…I assume they’re trying to expand.”
That seemed like the most reasonable explanation. Meng Yao nodded. “So I’ll be traveling with the local sect?”
“That’s right,” his mother said, and raised her chin a little. “At least this much, your mother was able to do for you.”
She’d begged and bargained and traded favors for it, then, Meng Yao thought, and yet taking him along was to their own benefit: if they were looking for inherited cultivation talent sufficient for the Lan sect, then the bastard son of another Great Sect leader would be a better bet than some random nobody. She’d probably humiliated herself for nothing.
“Will you come with me?” he asked, more concerned with that – it was too easy for women of ill repute to disappear into the depths of the city if they didn’t have someone to watch out for them.
Even someone as young as he was. He wished he was older.
“You can come back to visit me during the Spring Festival,” she said, which meant no. “I’ll be all right, A-Yao.”
Meng Yao wasn’t so sure.
Still, not having him around would at least remove a visible reminder of his mother’s age – she’d been kicked out of the better brothels because of him, because no one wanted a woman who was a mother. Leaving would at least do that for her.
“I’ll write,” he finally said. “I’ll write as often as they let me.”
“And I’ll write back,” she promised him, kissing his cheek. “I promise.”
With that, Meng Yao supposed he had to be satisfied.
-
The Lan sect was both exactly like what Meng Yao expected and absolutely nothing at all like anything he could have dreamt.
For the first, his cynicism was almost immediately confirmed: the boys raised there were snobby as anything, looking down at the rest of them as little better than barbarians, and many of the adults were the same way. It was clear that this whole business of recruiting talented nobodies was a project of the sect leader’s – the interim sect leader, no less, not even the real thing – and nobody else’s; they were only just barely going along with it. Adding to that the fact that there were dozens if not hundreds of rules, and Meng Yao could glumly foresee a future of having his lack of knowledge held over his head as a fault, even with his marvelous memory to act as his backing.
For the second…
Well, there was Lan Xichen, who was – as unbelievable as it seemed – to actually embody all those things that people said about gentlemen, all kindness and gentleness and fierce upright pride, except only for real. There was Lan Wangji, who was basically perfect in every way and kinder than he gave the impression he was, willing to help tutor anyone who asked if only they dared disturb his solitude long enough to do so. There was the boy Meng Yao shared a room with, Su She, who’d punched the boy from the Yunping cultivator clan in the mouth for calling Meng Yao a son of a whore and pretended it was because they weren’t allowed to talk about that sort of thing, when actually it’d been because he hadn’t wanted rumors to get around that might make Meng Yao’s life harder in the future.
There was Lan Qiren, who was strict and a little boring but fair, painfully fair, handing out punishments with an equitable hand no matter that it meant that he was punishing the locals as often if not more often. It’d been his idea to bring people like Meng Yao into the Lan sect, and defending the idea was the only time he truly seemed moved to passion. Now that they’d passed the initial examination and been judged to match Lan sect standards, Lan Qiren announced, as far as he was concerned, they were Lan sect just as if they were born there, as if they’d been children of his own.
And he even seemed to really believe it, too.
Today, Meng Yao’s head was still warm from when the stern Teacher Lan had put his hand there, gentle and approving, and his ears still burning from the murmured “Well done, Meng Yao, as expected.”
“I think I would kill someone for him,” Meng Yao said dreamily to Su She, who snorted.
“You’ve got such father issues,” he said disdainfully, as if he didn’t have entire family issues. That was just Su She’s way, though – he bitched and moaned and complained without end, and he’d probably kill someone for Meng Yao if Meng Yao so much as hinted it was something he’d want. They’d made friends for a reason. “You know the bit about the poor kids being his own children is a lie, right?”
“I know which sect’s leader is my father, thanks,” Meng Yao said, rolling his eyes. “I’m well aware it’s not Teacher Lan. Like he’d ever have kids of his own, anyway.”
“That’d require noticing when someone’s flirting with him,” Su She agreed, all solemn for just a moment, and then he dissolved into sniggering giggles. Meng Yao couldn’t blame him: it was, in fact, extremely funny when women (and sometimes men) tried to flirt with Teacher Lan, mostly because of the way that he very genuinely and completely missed that that was what was happening each and every time.
“Laugh all you like,” Meng Yao said peaceably. “You’d kill for him, too.”
“Probably,” Su She agreed. “But only because of you.”
That was fair enough. After getting the lay of the land, Meng Yao had arranged for them to ‘accidentally’ be overheard by Teacher Lan while talking about the misconduct of one of the teachers who was the most biased against guest disciples, one of the ones that had been harassing Su She in particular for over a year before Meng Yao had arrived, and despite Su She’s initial nervousness about the plan, it had all gone splendidly. Sure, they’d been punished to do five copies of a treatise on upright conduct because they’d breached Talking behind the backs of others is prohibited, but the teacher in question had been sentenced to two hundred strikes with the discipline rod for abusing his position and three months of enforced seclusion to contemplate his misbehavior, and then, Teacher Lan had said, his expression dark and threatening, they could discuss what role would be the best fit in the future.
The other teachers had taken notice and shaped up very quickly, after that.
Comparatively, those five copies made in the nice cool Library Pavilion instead of having to do chores on the hottest days of summer? Practically a pat on the back for bringing it to his attention.
Su She would never have dared to raise anything if it was just him, Meng Yao thought; he had a strange fear of authority figures that combined envy and misery in an explosive combination – he would have just suffered and suffered and suffered until he’d been pushed too far and then it would have all burst out at once. He wasn’t like Meng Yao, who was unwilling to keep to his “proper” place and was more than willing to use his greater-than-average share of brains to get what he wanted, no matter what rules he broke in the process. He was the sort of person who was willing to do whatever it took to obtain his desires – no matter what it took.
Well, maybe not no matter what. He wouldn’t want to disappoint Lan Qiren too much.
(Okay, so maybe Su She was right and he had some unresolved father issues. So what if he did? Whose business was it but his?)
-
It’d taken Meng Yao a while to fully adjust to the Cloud Recesses.
Some parts he’d figured out right away – the way they all flattered themselves as gentlemen even if they were actually little more than hypocrites (Teacher Lan and his personally taught nephews exempted, of course), which of course meant that Meng Yao’s ability to act pitiful at the drop of a hat and cleverly turn black into white made him a teacher’s pet at once. The vegetarian meals were easy enough to adapt to, given that his mother hadn’t had the money for meat all that often, and the training and cultivation and all that wasn’t any challenge for his excellent powers of retention – he had ambitions of becoming one of Teacher Lan’s aides one day, and worked assiduously towards that goal. Even waking and sleeping early, which was practically the opposite of his schedule at home, was something he could adjust to, given time and incentive.
It was his mentality that took some time to adjust.
Meng Yao had perhaps grown up with too many of his mother’s stories, painting an image of a matchless paradise – at the start, he looked at everything around him, serene and elegant but not quite as rich and shining and thought that it would do, for now. When he’d first arrived, he had had every intention of making a good reputation for himself and using that reputation to get his real father’s attention – he’d liked Teacher Lan from the beginning, despite his best attempts to not let his heart be swayed, but he’d reasoned that if a teacher was like this, then a blood-related father would be even better.
And so, for the first half-year, he’d treated his time at the Cloud Recesses…not lightly, no. He was extremely serious about making sure to get the maximum benefit he could. And yet, at the same time, he still was not really committing himself to the place.
This wasn’t where he was going to live his whole life, he reasoned; it was just a stepping stone to a better future. That meant he would exert himself to point out things that made him look good, to eliminate obstacles in his path, to win himself allies, but not bother with those longer-term problems, the ones that really ought to be fixed but which would take a great deal of effort with little reward other than annoying people.
His feeling of superiority and emotional distance lasted right up until the first discussion conference.
From a distance, Jin Guangshan was everything Meng Yao could have imagined – perhaps a little too similar to the clients that his mother often saw, a little dissolute to pull off the air of a refined scholar he affected, but wearing more gold than Meng Yao had ever seen in his life, with a retinue of servants that dwarfed the other sect’s. Each of those servants were dressed more finely than even main clan cultivators in some of the smaller sects, and though Meng Yao’s Lan sect guest disciple clothing was of such quality that he didn’t need to fear their disdain, he couldn’t help but be secretly impressed.
He'd exerted himself more than usual to trade away all of his chores and duties, freeing himself up to take on patrol duty near the Jin sect. He’d perhaps daydreamed about some sort of encounter – nothing active on his part, of course, but he couldn’t quite resist playing through some fantasy of catching someone’s eye by chance, getting called over, a “You have a familiar set to your chin, who’s your father?”, a shy halting admission, recognition, a joyous reunion…
Instead, his father spent the entire night getting drunk and cursing the Lan sect’s hospitality for not providing him with girls to go with his liquor, calling Lan Qiren a miserable prude with a stick up his ass right in front of the Lan sect disciples that clenched their fists in barely concealed rage. He’d seen Meng Yao all right, ordered him to come forward, but it’d only been to mock him in front of all of his servants – and not even for being his bastard son, no, that would involve bothering to pick him out from the crowd or to ask who he was. No, he’d mocked him simply for being one of the poor disciples that Lan Qiren had taken in, all because his accent was marked with the distinct tones of Yunping rather than the sweetness of Gusu.
“Tell me, boy,” he said, breathing fumes into Meng Yao’s face and making him feel suddenly as if he’d never left the brothel – that the Cloud Recesses had all been a vague dream, and now he’d woken up and lost it all. “How does that old fart Qiren expect you to pay him back for all he’s done for you? I heard the Lan sect includes a pretty face as one of its standard requirements…”
Meng Yao put his gaze above his father’s head and pretended to be deaf.
“It seems like rather a lot of effort,” one of his father’s attendants remarked. “Even if Second Master Lan wanted a boy to warm his bed, couldn’t he just buy one like any normal person?”
“Bah, boys,” his father said, and leaned back, waving his hands in dismissal. “Why would anyone bother with a boy when you could have a soft woman instead? Just as long as they’re stupid enough – you know, there’s nothing worse than a woman who’s talented and knows it, too smart, always trying to get above their station…”
“You’re thinking about that whore in Yunping again, aren’t you? The one that interrupted your dinner and made a scene, claiming you’d promised to take in the son she bore you?” the attendant said, laughing. “I told you, you should’ve just killed her for her impudence rather than just having her beaten and thrown out. That way the matter wouldn’t still be bothering you…”
“Go away, boy,” another servant said to Meng Yao, who was frozen stiff in belated terror, nausea churning in his stomach as he realized his mother could’ve gone out one day and never come back, and he would never have known why – or maybe it was that he’d been spending his considerable time and brain on pleasing someone who would have done that, who nearly had done that. “Your accent’s brought back bad memories, don’t you see?”
Meng Yao left.
No, to be more blunt: he fled. He ran away, hot tears filling his eyes until he couldn’t see – belly full of regret and disappointment, crushed dreams feeling like broken shards of glass in his mouth and throat.
He tried to tell himself that it was better to find out now, when they were still distant, before he'd sold his soul for the futile chance to get that horrible man's affection, but he couldn't quite throw off the shame of knowing that if he hadn't heard such a thing up front, he probably would have done that. Would have humiliated himself like that, and for what? A man who regretted not murdering his mother?
He ran right into Lan Wangji, who was also on patrol.
Lan Wangji took one look at him and grabbed his wrist, dragging him away from the main pathway and all the way to his uncle’s rooms.
Lan Qiren was still awake despite the late hour, writing something at his desk, but he set aside his brush at once. “What’s going on?” he asked, frowning. “Wangji – Meng Yao – one of you report.”
“Meng Yao was on patrol by the Jin sect,” Lan Wangji explained as Meng Yao furiously tried to dash away his tears using his sleeve.
“Who permitted that? First year disciples aren’t permitted to patrol during discussion conferences,” Lan Qiren asked, his frown deepening. “It wouldn’t be proper – ah, but no, I recall now. I suppose it was inevitable. Wangji, well done, and thank you. You are dismissed.”
After Lan Wangji left, he turned his eyes on Meng Yao.
“You volunteered, didn’t you?” he asked.
Meng Yao felt his back go cold: Lan Qiren knew, then. It had never been said out loud by anyone as far as he knew, and yet it was clear that Lan Qiren knew who his father was – and probably his mother, too.
He knew that Meng Yao was – that he wasn’t anything more than –
“You are one of my most promising disciples, Meng Yao,” Lan Qiren told him, and poured him a cup of tea from his own pot, pressing it into his hands. It was finer tea than Meng Yao had ever had in his life, full of smoke and flavor. “The rules say Be loyal and filial, but they also praise reciprocity. You have not been recognized, and have not received your forefathers’ grace. You can fulfill your obligations to chivalry through your respect for the parent that raised you.”
Meng Yao stared down at the teacup. Lan Qiren had completely misunderstood the nature of Meng Yao’s concern – he was disappointed in what his father was, not worried about not living up to his obligations of being a filial child. And yet it was a little nice to hear that as far as Lan Qiren was concerned, the rules said that he could tell his father go hang for all he cared…
And that he ought to honor his mother, which was something no one who knew her had ever said to him.
“Even if she –” His voice stuttered. “Even if she’s a…”
He couldn’t say the word.
“Appreciate the good people is not qualified by class or profession,” Lan Qiren said, and his monotone voice was blissfully without emotion, as if this were just another lesson in class, and not the deepest hurt of Meng Yao’s life. “I have never met your mother, Meng Yao, but you are a good child – diligent, organized, sincere, with good judgment, and you clearly adore her. That tells me everything I need to know.”
Meng Yao burst into tears.
-
Meng Yao liked Lan Xichen a lot, but he also had to admit that sometimes, the older boy was, well…
“Dumb as a pile of rocks,” Su She announced.
“Do not criticize other people,” Meng Yao said piously, but then chuckled, shaking his head. “Say, rather, that he’s naïve and sheltered, and overly inclined to believe the best in people.”
“Like I said: dumb as rocks. How many times is going to get himself swindled into being someone’s sword or shield before he figures out that the problem is him?”
“Some people don’t have the capacity to understand the depths of humanity’s foulness –”
“Yeah, dumb ones.”
“Su She, please.” Su She held up his hands in surrendered. “At any rate, if Lan-gongzi is going to keep falling for people’s tricks, it’s beholden on us to help protect him.”
“You just don’t want Teacher Lan to be sad about something serious happening to his nephew,” Su She said knowingly, but he was already nodding. “All right, what are we going to do about it? He outranks us. We can’t exactly tell him to his face that he’s being…”
He paused.
Dumb as rocks went unsaid, but then, it didn’t need to be said out loud for the meaning to be clear.
Meng Yao sighed.
“You can only trick someone so many times,” he said. “If we want to keep him from getting tricked by other people, then we have to trick him first. And better.”
“What do you mean?”
“Lan-gongzi likes to save people,” Meng Yao explained. “He really sees himself as a chivalrous gentleman – he puts chivalry first, even though Teacher Lan says Learning comes first. That’s why he always sides with whoever he perceives to be the underdog in a given situation, no matter how wrong that impression is. That’s how most of the people who’ve been tricking him have gone for it: playing the victim, appealing to his sense of righteousness, pulling the curtains over his eyes to obscure what’s actually happening.”
“Okay. So?”
“So, we’ve both got miserable backstories – you being taken from your family at a young age and then bullied, me with my mother and, even worse, father. If we get him on our side, early on, he’ll side with us over anyone else – that way we can keep him from getting roped into other people’s private grudges.”
Su She frowned. “That seems a little manipulative.”
“It’s for his own good, and that’s what’s important,” Meng Yao said, and smiled faintly. “Wouldn’t you agree, Lan-er-gongzi?”
Su She jumped, turning around just in time to see Lan Wangji, who had been standing in the shadow of a nearby tree, step out.
He had a serious expression, as always, but a thoughtful one.
Meng Yao waited patiently.
“You cannot take advantage,” Lan Wangji finally said, and Meng Yao knew he’d won the most important ally in the battle to save Lan Xichen from himself. “That would change it from a virtuous act to a selfish one.”
“Like we need anything from him,” Su She said haughtily. “Maintain your own discipline.”
“Arrogance is forbidden.”
“It’s not arrogance if it’s justified! It’s just self-confidence!”
“Do not argue with family,” Meng Yao quoted, and was pleased to see both of them drop it at once. “Listen, we all share the same goal, and we have to start somewhere, don’t we? We’re stronger together than apart. Together, we can do anything, even protect Lan-gongzi.”
That and more, he thought as the other boys nodded, following his lead. Lan Xichen is just the start.
-
“The Wen sect will make trouble sooner rather than later,” Meng Yao said thoughtfully, one day. His friends turned to look at him. “Yes, I’m serious.”
Lan Wangji nodded, serious as always, but Su She scoffed.
“You can’t even convince that Wei Wuxian boy to leave poor Lan-er-gongzi alone,” he said snidely. “How exactly are you expecting to bring down the Wen sect?”
“I don’t convince Wei Wuxian to leave Lan-er-gongzi alone because Lan-er-gongzi doesn’t want to be left alone,” Meng Yao said. “Obviously. Isn’t that right?”
“You should call me by name,” Lan Wangji said, which wasn’t answering the question and definitely wasn’t denying anything. “You were saying, about the Wen sect?”
Meng Yao smiled.
-
“What brings one of Teacher Lan’s most promising disciples to the Unclean Realm?” Nie Mingjue said, peering at him thoughtfully. “You’re at the wrong time to be one of the usual messengers.”
Meng Yao smiled at him.
“I think you’ll find that we have similar goals, Sect Leader Nie,” he said. “When it comes to making sure that certain people in our lives don’t get hurt by the bad decisions of others, I mean. In your case, it’s your younger brother, who’s a friend of mine –”
Friend, source of information, it was all about the same thing in the end. Meng Yao didn’t have real friends outside the Lan sect, but he’d been very careful to cultivate good relationships with all his most important peers.
“- and for me, well. A teacher for day, a father for a lifetime. I’m sure Sect Leader Nie can understand the importance of protecting one’s father – right?”
“You don’t need to use any sophistry on me,” Nie Mingjue said, rolling his eyes. “If you have an idea on what we can do to stop the Wen sect before they go and burn someone’s house down, I’m all ears.”
By chance, Meng Yao did.
It was a good plan, too, daring and brave in equal measure. If it worked the way he hoped it would, he’d win enough fame to get Jin Guangshan to beg for him to join the Jin sect – not that he would, of course.
Meng Yao knew what he wanted, and he knew how he was going to get it, too.
-
“This is a lovely house, A-Yao,” Meng Shi said, running her hand along one of the soft tapestries on the wall. “Truly lovely. Whoever you rented it from has good taste.”
Meng Yao bowed. “Thank you for the compliment, Mother. I put a lot of thought into it.”
“You own it?” she asked, surprised. “But don’t you live up the mountain, with the sect?”
“I do. This is for you.”
“For – me? A-Yao! This is too much – how much must it have cost–”
“I saved the Lan sect’s core texts from being destroyed,” Meng Yao said. “I’m an inner sect disciple now – I could ask for a dozen houses like this, and they’d grant them to me without blinking twice. Teacher Lan would insist on it.”
“Teacher Lan,” his mother murmured. “That’s the one you’ve taken to treating as your own father, isn’t it? You’ve spoken so much of him, in your letters…”
“There’s no need to scheme,” he told her. “He wouldn’t notice your flirtations, anyway.”
His mother arched her eyebrows at him.
“He’s really oblivious.”
“Still…”
“Really no need,” Meng Yao said, and couldn’t help but smile at the memory of Lan Qiren pulling him into a hug when he realized that the books – and Lan Xichen – were all safe from the Wen sect’s attempt to burn down the Cloud Recesses, and, later, again, that Wen Ruohan was dead. He may have deliberately schemed for that second hug, and he might or might not have plans for more. “He already takes me as a son.”
His mother relaxed.
“Good,” she said, and smiled herself. “So, A-Yao, was I right, all those years ago? Was the Lan sect a good fit for you?”
“Yes, Mother,” Meng Yao said. “Yes, it was.”
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