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sena-shi · 1 year

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Protector of Teyvat (a troll hell-bent on reviving everyone just for fun) P—2

Isekai’d reader who is hell-bent on reviving everyone using your cheat code as the protector of Teyvat. With great power comes great benefits! Teyvat population stonks

Note: asmoday is the unknown god, reader also grants gnosis and visions, isekai, slight sagau, op reader

Summary: You are just a regular human being living your best life on Earth, collecting husbandos and waifus in Genshin Impact when all of a sudden you were isekai'd to Teyvat, but not as a traveler, a creator, or an NPC. You were a very close friend of both Celestia and the Unknown God, who is known as the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles. You too, hold a very important position of the highest order because unbeknownst to the general populace, you are the Protector of Teyvat from the outside forces. And so imagine the Archon's faces when their dead friend suddenly came back to life just so they can accompany you together with Aether and Paimon on a journey to spit on the Celestia's face

Timeline in Teyvat when you got transmigrated: Before any wars happened. Zhongli is probably sucking on a dragon pacifier or something if that even exists.

Warning: curse words, slight ooc, lore flying over the ocean and going for a swim, author removed the lore from the irminsul so act like you know nothing of it, i'm putting the lore in the cheese grater

“T-The hilichurls… turned into humans?” Because of what she had just seen, Amber's eyes were completely expanded, and you could almost get the impression that she was on the verge of exploding any moment now.

You find yourself thinking that it is understandable. After all, raising someone from the dead isn't something that happens very often; in fact, not even archons are able to do it.

You chuckled and smiled sarcastically at the three people who were staring at you in complete and utter disbelief.

You stood there with your arms crossed as you looked over at the hilichurls that had been transformed into humans with confused expressions adorning their faces.

"Oh wow…" You said while putting on a show of ignorance regarding what had just taken place. "What a miracle it is that they have been brought back to life!" You delighted everyone by clapping your hands.

"P-Paimon was very certain that it was Y/N who brought them back to life just now..." Paimon mumbled something to herself as she scratched the top of her head.

“Hm? That is ridiculous. I just smacked them across the face with a fried egg, see?" You answered as you moved closer to the hilichurls that had been converted into humans by slapping their faces with a fried egg that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

And as a matter of fact, a noticeable improvement could be seen in the appearance of the other people's skin after the fried egg had been applied to their faces. They let out a sigh of disgust as they observed the yolk splattered all over their faces.

"Paimon had no idea that a fried egg was capable of doing that..."

Aether shook his head at the innocence of his traveling buddy. It was perfectly clear that you were making light of the situation. At least now he is aware that you were telling the truth when you stated that you allowed the Anemo Archon to have a seat in the seven.

“This—” Amber opened her mouth to speak while simultaneously covered her mouth with her palm in shock. "This is really incredible news! You are able to give them a second chance at life!"

"What caused them to become humans?" Aether questioned while frowning in confusion.

You gave a light hum as you brought your hand up to pet him on the top of his head. "Perhaps your sister knows the answer you're looking for.”

“Our benefactor…” As soon as you turned your attention to them, they started talking, and Aether made a low rumbling sound.

You gave them a sideways glance while turning your head to the side since you thought it was likely that they were bewildered by the situation. Their final recollections would be of fighting for their homeland just before the curse took full impact.

They all got on one knee in front of you, which caused you to raise an eyebrow.

"Ah-ah, there's no need to be grateful to me. You probably aren't aware of this, but I'm a very awful person.” You said with a playful tone.

The people around you gave you a disapproving shake of the head as they expressed their dissatisfaction. Who in the devil would even believe a statement like that after what you have done?

“We were in such a painful dream— we are gratefu—"

You made a huffing sound while crossing your arms. "I find it extremely unpleasant when people thank me or express gratitude in any form. You deserve to live, no? I was only performing my duties at the time."

"Paimon speculates that Y/N is simply not accustomed to being thanked at...?"

You let out a sigh and shook your head in a deliberate manner. You looked down at them and they immediately thanked whichever gods were responsible for allowing them the opportunity to finally take a good look at the face of the one who had helped them.

They feel as though fortune was on their side because a God gazed at them with such kindness in their eyes, despite the fact that they were literally citizens from a nation that does not worship any gods.

"How can we possibly repay you...?"

You cocked your head to the side and hummed to yourself while you started to think.

“Brace yourselves.” You spoke.

“Wha—?”

"Oh, wait, here, have this." You smiled broadly as a variety of visions comprising a range of elements appeared seemingly out of thin air.

They did nothing but blink in bewilderment as they held the small vision in their hands, looking like toddlers who had been given machine guns.

At this very moment, Amber was on the verge of passing out. Witnessing a group of individuals all at once getting their visions is unsettling to say the least. It feels even more wrong to breathe the same air as you!

Oh, my archons, her life is not a sufficient payment to be able to witness such a once-in-a-lifetime event!

“Let’s all hang out once in awhile, hm? Don’t forget to say hello to Lulu for me!”

Aether raised a brow. Lulu?

With a wave of your hand, they vanished into thin air, and you sent them to a place where Lumine and the Abyss Order are currently staying.

To say that Lumine was horrified to the core when a group of humans suddenly appeared above the head of the abyss mage who was just talking to her would be an enormous understatement.

"Y-You can grant visions too!?" The scream that Paimon let out was so loud that it made you wince.

“Sorry!”

You indicated with a wave of your hand that everything was fine, and Paimon immediately let out a sigh of relief.

"Aether, do you know her, or is she a stranger?" Amber's lips were covered as she leaned in close to the man and mumbled something. In response, he gave a nod that conveyed something close to uncertainty.

You snorted as you extended your hand in front of Paimon and insisted that she give you, her hand. And as she did, a gnosis appeared in your hand.

"Oh, my dear archons!" Paimon reacted, fixating her gaze intently on the bright object that was floating directly above your palm.

"If we were to sell this, we could make a ton of Mora!"

“What—!?” Amber and Aether shouted at the same time.

You blinked and stroked your chin with your index finger as if you were considering what you had just heard. "If I remember correctly, there was a term for buy one and get one free. What if we double it?"

"No no no! Paimon is not even certain that there is a single person in Teyvat who can afford a gnosis! In addition to that, don't you think the other archons will feel uncomfortable about it?”

"Why should we worry about how they feel?" You huffed as you continued, "The one ruling Inazuma handed her gnosis to a friend, the one ruling Mondstadt doesn't even use it, and the one ruling Liyue will probably give up his gnosis in the near future.

"Well, if we're talking about the wealthiest individual in Teyvat right this minute..." You made a soft mumbling sound.

“Should we offer it for sale to the Tsaritsa? You smiled mischievously while cocking your head ever-so-slightly to the side.

As soon as you uttered that, an excruciating ringing sound immediately started up in your head. You gritted your teeth and squeezed one of your eyes shut.

“Y/N, are you okay?” You heard Aether’s worried voice.

"I thought we were each other's best friends! You should be aware that she wants a fight with me!” You can clearly hear Celestia nitpicking away inside of your head. As is her custom, she is highly dramatic.

“Well, it’s partly your fault that she wants to fight you.”

The three looked at you in surprise and astonishment as your choice of words came out of nowhere. To silence them, all you did was give them your whole attention while pressing a finger to your lips.

“Hmph…” You could hear her dejected voice.

“Oh hush, you have me. Just let them do their own thing for now.”

“Alright, but why are you selling a gnosis?”

"Creating a strategy for one's own survival is the first step toward leading a more fulfilling life," After having a good laugh, you promptly severed your connection with the Celestia before she could even begin to complain again.

“At least come visit us—!”

Oh, your closest friends and their overprotective tendencies when it comes to you. Why won't they just let you breathe and stop figuratively and physically clutching onto you for dear life?

"Your highness, who were you speaking with only a moment ago?" Amber stuttered, and for some reason, despite her outgoing nature, she found herself experiencing sudden feelings of shyness. I mean, really, how could you possibly hold that against her?

She hasn't even entertained the thought of speaking with an archon, and yet here she is having a conversation with someone who is significantly more powerful than the archons!

“Oh please, Y/N is fine,” you gave her a friendly smile and told her, “The Celestia is in full support of our business!”

They were all shocked beyond belief and let out a collective gasp.

As they imagined every people of Teyvat holding a gnosis, everyone in the room began to break out in a cold sweat at the back of their necks. You couldn't possibly be serious, could you? Surely you must have been joking. Right?

You met three new people along the way, and the four of you set off on a journey to the city that is known for its freedom. They all came to an agreement that the information on your identity and the incident with the hilichurls should not be shared with anybody else.

You trailed closely behind them, periodically turning your head to take in the beautiful surroundings and the people who belonged to your little archon.

“Let me officially introduce the city of wind, dandelions, and freedom— Travelers under the protection of the Knights of Favonius — Welcome to Mondstadt!” Amber grinned broadly as she placed her hand on her chest and cupped her other hand on her hip.

"O-Oh, not that her highness Y/N doesn't already know about Mondstadt...” Amber massaged the back of her head nervously as you made her blush with your laughter.

"I don't. I didn't have enough time to look into it, so I'm grateful for the introduction. Mm, the only figure of this nation that I am familiar with is the archon,” You were able to make her feel better with the words that you spoke, and now Amber can be seen beaming with happiness once more.

That, as well, is a blatant lie. You have completed so many commissions in this nation while you were still a player, so of course you are familiar with every nook and cranny of this city.

You didn't say anything while Amber and Paimon went into great length explaining things to Aether; the only thing you did was hum sometimes in reaction to what they were saying.

You were on the sidelines as Aether received his wind glider and put it through its trials for the first time, which resulted in a successful outcome.

Ha, that kid used to fly around with his very own set of wings before.

You swung your legs around gleefully as you sat precariously perched over the railings.

It is only a matter of time before the city is shrouded by ominous clouds and Dvalin makes another appearance. This means that you will be able to see your little floatie as well.

Aether descended toward Amber, who was standing there waiting for him once more, as the three of them observed that thick clouds and fog had begun to cover the skies above Mondstadt.

“The sky...” Amber uttered those words with a note of apprehension.

People immediately began fleeing to safer areas as Aether and Amber gazed up at you with worried expressions on their faces, as if pleading with you to take some action.

You only smiled at them before speaking the words, “The stormterror is absolutely adorable, no doubt about it, no?

“E—Eh!?” Your response caused Paimon to exclaim, and at that very moment, a wind tornado was closing in on them and ultimately launched Aether into the air.

You heaved a sigh as you stood up from the rails, your palm shining with some unknown power as a barrier began to enclose the city and prevent any harm from approaching.

You sighed again as you began to protect the citizens of the city. However, since you didn't make an effort to clear away the fog, everything will continue to be a mystery.

You cast your sight upward, in the direction of where Aether is floating in the air thanks to Venti's power, and the two people who were observing you followed your gaze in that direction.

"Don't worry, your highness! We will be all right!"

You couldn't help but laugh as you soared to the location of Aether, where you could sense Venti disguising as one of the thousand winds.

“I’m preventing your fall with the power of a thousand winds.”

“Oh? Little floatie came into rescue too?” You teased as the mysterious voice began stammering.

“L-Little floatie…?”

"Alright, alright, let's concentrate on this," You gave Aether a friendly smile while you ruffled his silky locks with your fingertips.

"Don't worry about a thing; little floatie will look after you."

Aether frowned, indicating that he found the idea quite unappealing. "How about you?"

You hummed as you sensed the wind from Venti moving closer to you as though it was also interested in you.

"I'm quite curious to find out if slapping a fried egg on the stormterror's blood clot will be of any assistance."

Aether's jaw dropped in disbelief. You’re still not done with the fried eggs!?

"Hey, what do you think of this idea, little floatie?"

The mysterious voice heaved a cough and mumbled, "Eh..."

After hearing their response, you rolled your eyes at them. They had a feeling that you wouldn't be speaking anytime soon, so Venti made the decision to explain how to make use of the power.

You were observing everything that was going on around Aether as he started to harness the power of the wind.

You made a few comments about how the wind power looked like a machine gun which made Venti cough multiple times to hide his laughter.

“Not enough. Do you want me to slap you with an almond tofu for an increased damage?”

“W—What?”

You didn't bother to wait for his approval before presenting him with the plate of almond tofu that magically emerged in your hands and then you gently slapped it in front of his face.

It was such a surprising thing that you could practically feel Venti shaking, which almost caused him to lose control of the wind. It was that shocking.

As Aether took the final shot, Dvalin let out a roar, and you swiftly flew over to the dragon, which appeared to be about to collapse as it was shaking in the wind.

Venti stayed only long enough to watch the softening of your eyes as you stared at the blood clot on the dragon's back. Aether slowly flew down to the area where the others are, but Venti did not leave.

He watched as your bright hands gently caressed the dark crystal, which immediately silenced the dragon's roaring.

You were reluctant to completely remove the blood clot because it was Venti and Aether's responsibility to do it. However, because you are so compassionate toward individuals who are suffering, all you did was relieve the discomfort that the dragon was experiencing.

It is completely up to destiny to decide whether or not the abyss mage will still be able to exert control over the dragon.

"Little floatie," You moved your attention to the wind that was swirling. "The traveler is known to be trustworthy. I have complete faith that you are aware of the next steps."

The strong wind has started to die down, and the only sound that can be heard out is a faint “thank you.”

You led the weakened dragon back to the ground, and as soon as the two of you landed, three abyss mages suddenly appeared. You grimaced when you realized that Lumine must have sent them to seek you out.

"Our gracious benefactor," An abyss mage started things off. "Our princess would want to offer her sincere gratitude to—"

You heaved a sigh as you frowned and crossed your arms while looking at them. "I believed that I conveyed to them that receiving gratitude is not something that I like in any way,"

“Uh… they may have mentioned that.”

You gave your temples a light massage as the headache began to set in and asked, "So why are you here?"

"We would like to make a request that you lend us a hand in the restoration of our once-thriving nation and in rescuing its people from the curse."

"Oh, I had already made preparations to carry out that task," You gave your response, and then proceeded to yawn.

If only they knew that your two friends were the cause of their fall, they probably wouldn't be as friendly with you as they are now if they knew that.

As they drifted closer to you, the abyss mages showed signs of happiness; however, when they heard your next words, "But not right now," their happiness quickly turned to disappointment, and they almost plummeted to the ground.

“But— why?”

"Of what use is a nation if it does not have its people?" As you lounged contentedly on Dvalin's back, a sluggish expression began to appear on your face.

“So…”

"If I happen to come across one of your own, you can rest assured that I will deliver them to your princess so that she may deal with them." You uttered those words in a languid manner while staring at them. "Focus on gathering your people, since your nation will not all of a sudden grow a foot and run anyways."

"We are in all sincerity grateful for—"

“Hush.”

They abruptly stopped speaking once they were reminded that you do not enjoy receiving gratitude or hearing thank yous in any form.

You are truly a weird God— they think. But kind like their princess, nonetheless.

“Then we shall return.”

You made a careless motion with your hand, indicating for them to leave immediately.

“Tell your princess that she should at least pay a visit to her twin, and if she does that, maybe I'll feel more motivated to assist you.”

Your level of excitement and enthusiasm is to be expected, of course. The sooner they come to an understanding with one another, the sooner they will get the fuck out of Teyvat.

That means, you won't have any more job to do. On the other hand, you get the impression that it won't be all that simple.

Not with the looks that Aether was giving you, and not with Lumine's nature, which dictates that she won't stop until she pays back whoever helped her out.

Just hush and go, okay!? What is it that they have planned for the following step? Bring themselves to their knees and make a formal request for your hand in marriage? You let out a sigh as the thought crossed your mind.

In spite of the fact that you intended to rebuild the once-mighty nation, you wanted to execute it in private. There is no question in your mind that once they discovered who their benefactor is, then and only then will they revere that benefactor. What then will become of a nation that does not believe in God or even worship one?

The mages of the abyss remained silent for a short while as they observed various expressions adorning your face. It turned out to be quite comical. It's no surprise that their princess was so interested in interacting with you that she issued a command to find you.

They continued to observe you while you glared, huffed, and grimaced at the ground, and it wasn't until you frowned at them that they eventually left with a quiet "thank you."

You rolled your eyes. “What a bunch of brats.”

As soon as you arrived back in Mondstadt, you saw the three of them speaking to Kaeya. Although the fog has long since dissipated, the sky itself is still completely dark.

As you made your way slowly towards the folks who were introducing themselves, you waved your hand and the barrier vanished before your eyes.

“This is Kaeya, our Cavalry Captain.” Amber carried on talking as if she had not noticed your presence and proceeded. “These two are travelers from afar, Aether and Paimon.”

Kaeya looked at the two individuals and gave a nod in acknowledgement. He then made direct eye contact with you and asked, "And who might this young lady possibly be?"

Amber's eyes widened as she shifted her gaze back and forth between Kaeya and you. Kaeya saw the outrider's expression, which seemed to indicate that she was at a loss for words regarding how to introduce you.

Your presence elevated the level of excitement that he felt towards everything.

“Oh, I’m Y/N. I sell visions and gnoses.” You responded with an expression on your face that was completely expressionless, and your voice was completely emotionless, which made the situation even more awkward and unbelievable.

The response that you gave seemed to take Kaeya completely by surprise. You? Selling visions? How in the devil is something like that ever feasible? And just what exactly are gnoses?

“Uh… haha…” Amber, at a complete loss for words, scratched the nape of her neck.

"Oh? I had no idea that lady Y/N is such a practical joker,” Even though Kaeya appeared to be laughing, there was not the slightest indication of humor in his voice.

"Uh-huh, you bet! Paimon is in agreement that Y/N has a tendency to joke around quite a bit!” In a frantic effort to salvage the situation, Paimon quickly nodded her head.

"Well, if you want to buy one, all you have to do is ask me..." You just said it while crossing your arms.

“Oh? I was wondering if you could sell me one then." It appeared as though Kaeya was making fun of you with his charming smile; in fact, it almost felt that way.

You seemed curious about something as you cocked your head to the side and then asked, "Don't you already have a vision though?"

"Well, having two would certainly make things more interesting, wouldn't you say?"

You took a moment to think about it before giving your approval with a nod. As you lifted your hands and opened your palms, visions of several elements, each glowing brightly, suddenly appeared.

Huh? He thought you were just joking the whole time!

It would be an understatement to say that Kaeya was caught off guard by the revelation. Are you a fraud? A magician perhaps? However, the visions you are holding exude such an overwhelming amount of power that it is difficult to even consider the possibility that they are a fake.

“Mm, you’re my first customer, so in appreciation of your patronage, I'll give you a discount if you buy Aether and Paimon a meal. Fair trade, don't you think?”

What fair trade? A simple meal in exchange for a vision? Do you not realize that visions are extraordinarily rare, and that the vast majority of people would give anything — including their lives — to receive one?

Of course you're aware of it; you're just messing with them for the sake of witnessing their reactions. It's likely that protecting Teyvat for thousands of years has had an effect on you, as seen by the fact that you're even doing this for no other reason than boredom.

Kaeya remained motionless in his stance; his eyes riveted on the bright visions that had no owner. After snapping out of his trance, he took off his cloak and wrapped it around you in a tender manner.

You made a sound that indicated that you were confused as he said, "Let's continue this conversation to our headquarters."

"Tch, I really need to bring Crepus back to life so that he can scold his children to death."

"Are you going to use fried eggs for that man too?" Paimon inquired, which caused Kaeya's surprise and horror to reach an even higher level.

Too? Does that mean that this wouldn't be your first time bringing someone back to life?

Now, Kaeya is positive that he wishes he could just pass out right there and then.

TAGLIST: @valeriele3 @lunarapple @meikoo

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captainlondonman · 2 months

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Car Repair Bear

There was something about the local car repair garage that made Danny look in every time he passed. Above the door was a dirty sign saying Bear Repairs. In fact it was not something but someone. There was only ever one guy there but almost every time Danny slowed up enough to look in, if the guy was in full view Danny could immediately start to feel his cock swell. Christ it was not as if the guy was some hunk, in fact he was quite the opposite. He was at least 185cms high thick set ,in fact more that that he had a good sized beer belly and he was hairy as hell. He was always in a dirty and oily blue overall which was invariably open almost down to his navel , probably because it was too tight on him but it made his hairy belly bulge out through the wide gap. He had a thick silver chain around his neck and tattoos around his neck. His hands were real mechanic hands thick fingered with dirty ingrained nails and such hairy hands. He wore thick toe capped boots up to his knees with the top part folded over. His neck was as thick as his head and he had a real bruiser face as if he had been in several street fights. Hair closely shaved with a heavy 3 day growth. There was always a ciggie hanging out one side of his mouth.. An oily rag stuck out from his rear pocket.

Danny got so turned on by this large bear bellied man, a real man that he often had to cover up his boner and then wank furiously when he got home. It reminded him of Mr Barton the school teacher. He was large with his shirt buttons always ready to split and his trousers belted tight so his belly poured out over his trousers. He obviously wore no underwear as when he walked down the classroom Danny could easily see the outline of his thick cock swinging in the baggy trousers. Every time Mr Barton passed by Danny’s hand went down to his cock under the table and stroked himself until he had a stonking hard on.

As Danny passed by the repair shop one day he saw a car driving in and a large guy in a suit, shirt and tie get out. Christ it was Mr Barton. Jesus how could he and the repair guy be together it was almost too much. He decided he had to get closer and managed to get in whilst they were talking and hid behind a machine.

He heard Mr. Barton say ‘I’ve come for a service’.

‘Sure mate, I’ve been expecting you but it ain’t the car that’s needing serviced is it? I’d better close the door while we deal with your servicing.

The owner walked so close to Danny that he almost could have touched him. He closed the doors and as he turned to look at Mr. Barton he said

‘I knew you’d be hot. I can see that thick dick of your hard as anything from here. Don’t worry I’ll give you the full service.’

As the two men came together Mr. Barton put his hand out and grabbed the owners coverall pulling him in and then putting his hand down inside to grab hold of his cock.

‘Tell you what Les that cock of yours I dream off when I’m fucking the wife. Let me get it out and admire before I get my mouth down the shaft. I love sucking your dick and feeling all that hair on your belly rubbing against my mouth.’

Danny could now see Les’s fully erect dick. It had a thick vein on the underside and was clearly circumsized with a huge head. It must have been a full 9 inches and more like 10.

With his legs wide apart Les said

‘Well Barton as you like it that much get down on your fucking knees and get a whiff. Nice and oily and I know you like me to not have washed any piss off. You like it dirty eh?’

Mr Barton got down in front of Les to look at the boner in front of him.

‘Shit that’s some cock. No wonder I keep coming back for a service.’

‘Look you faggot this is just the start’ and with that Les got hold of Mr Barton’s tine and yanked him up so his mouth was level with his cockhead.

‘No softly’ softly today mate, I need to feel that mouth of yours go the whole way down.’

With hand still pulling on the tie Les took his other arm and placed his beefy hand behind Barton’s head.

‘That’s it now open wide and start to get it down you. I want to feel you take my whole dick and have your lips in amongst my thick pubes so you can feel my belly pressed against you. That’s it mate let me help you and I’ll push it down yer throat.’

Barton started to gag slightly as he tried to fully open his mouth.

‘Quit the gagging you pussy and take it like a real man.’

With his hand still behind Barton’s head he pressured more and more guiding with force so his cock sunk more and more into his mouth

‘That’s it let me feel all your spit around my shaft.’

Letting one hand go from the tie Les then put both hands around Barton’s head and started to move it further in and then out.

‘That’s fucking better. You’ve got the hang of it. Jesus you so love cock. So you want the full service. So we’d better sort out that arse of yours. Get off the ground and lean over your car.’

Barton stood up the saliva from all his sucking was running down his chin.

‘Get your jacket off and I’ll do the rest’ Les snapped.

As Barton leant over the car Les took his hand and slapped hard three times causing Barton to jerk.

‘Christ careful man I can’t have the wife see me with weal marks on my arse.’

‘Well she might well be seeing all my cum running out of your arse anyway.’

Les put his muscle d arms around Barton and undid his belt. ‘You’ve been putting on a few pounds recently. Just how I like my men. Nice and beefy with a good hairy belly and bulging arse. No matter how much it bulges I love getting my cock up through the depths and into the hole.’

Les pulled down the trousers so they were set at the ankles.

‘I can feel that precum of yours on your trousers. You’ll have to something about that before you get home.’

‘You’ve a great big arse on you man. Just perfect and all that spit of yours has my cock ready to thrust right into you.’

From his position Danny could see Les’s thick cock which he had his hand around ready to enter. Danny cock was oozing precum. He had never see two big bellied bear men have sex together but had dreamt it. Now here he was a voyeur watching one man about to fuck the living day lights out of another , his ex teacher and his own cock was straining to get out of his joggers, in fact it was tenting to such an extent that he looked as he had a pole down inside and there was a large precum stain just as his cock head rubbed against his nylon joggers.

He watched Les take hold of each arse cheek and pull them wide apart so he could slip his cock int between to force his arse head open.

You’ve taken this dick a few times Barton so that hole of yours is ready for my prick. It’ll slide up a dream once I get past the opening and you can feel me force it right up to the hilt. Shit you have one great hairy arse. Your arse hairs and my pubes rubbing together eh?’

And with that Les sank his cock right in letting go of the cheeks as he did so the hairy arse sprang back over ’Les’s cock.

‘Bet you love being taken on your own car. Now let me grab that cock of yours while I fuck and well get that juice of yours over the bonnet nice and thick.’

With his hands firmly around Bartons belly and grasping his cock Les started to ram his own dick in and out faster and faster but each time making sure he forced it in the whole way. Barton’s arse started to react and he moved his fat arse back and forth so he could feel the full thrust

‘Fuck me man, go the whole way with your service and let me feel that spunk of yours shooting so far up I a can almost feel it in my mouth. I already have that salty taste of your precum in me.’

‘Shit Barton you’re a great fuck. Always has me coming big time so lets finish this off as my balls are ready to break and shoot my cum up you. I can feel that cock of yours pulsating and ready.’

Danny had his own cock out his hand firmly working the full length of his shaft. He knew he was going to cum, he was almost breathless with excitement watching these two guys humping. Les’s thrusting was even causing the car to move.

‘I’m fucking ready to spear you Barton so get ready to take my spunk. It’s coming. Fuuuuck.’ and with that he shot his cum forcing his body tight into Barton’s cheeks and with his final lunge Barton let out a long moan as his spunk shot through Les’s hands and over the bonnet of the car in thick creamy wads.

It was too much for Danny who had to put one hand over his mouth to stifle his orgasm and as he arched his body his spunk shot out across the machine leaving a thick white stream running down the shaft.

Les let his cock slide out and as he tucked his dick back intohis blue coverall he wiped his hand over his cock head to remove the final bit of cum and then smeared it over the coverall.

‘Now get those trousers belted. That was a hell of service. I needed that and by the way your body was wobbling around you needed to shoot your bolt.

Just as well the car doesn’t need much servicing.’

‘Better get back to school so open up and let me out .’

Still wiping his coverall and giving his hairy chest a rub, Les opened the doors just a meter away from him. Barton got into his car and drove out giving a wave.

‘It won’t be long until I’m back for more,’ he shouted out the window

As Les turned round to walk back to his workbench so Danny was quietly able to slip out

Like anything that gives you such a turn on once you have watched just one time you need to see more and your cock tells you that you need to cum again. He could not believe that he had seen his ex teacher being fucked and his cock erupting with spunk. In bed that night he started dreaming and he was back at school and Barton was walking up and down in the classroom almost brushing his pot belly against Danny’s shoulder. Every now and again the teacher would stop and slightly bend over Danny’s book so his belly rubbed against his head. At these times his eyes were staring right at Barton’s crotch. He could see the outline stretching down one inside leg and now that he had actually seen it he knew what was going on in his inside leg. As Barton bent over to ask a question so Danny’s hand came up and started to stroke his cock and balls through his thick trousers. As he did so Barton pushed himself closer into Danny and he could feel the softness of his chest. The more he cupped Barton’s cock the more Barton let his belly push in to the point that Danny could almost feel his body vanishing into the thick mass. Barton’s cock grew bigger and bigger and by now it was positively erect pushing against the fabric needing to be taken out. Danny unzipped and let his hand in to fondle the stiff prick and heavy balls. He had to force Barton’s cock out such was its length. It seemed even bigger and thicker than he had seen at the garage. Barton’s cock was now staring at Danny’s mouth the massive head gleaming with precum.. All Danny wanted was to take the full length and feel his head totally buried in Barton’s chest. Barton took hold of Danny’s head and directed his mouth to the tip forcing his mouth open pushing his heavily veined prick into his mouth so Danny could take the flow of spunk, Danny could feel every thrust but he could take it all and wanted every inch his saliva juicing around the shaft. He could feel the heat from Barton’s body and the smell as a couple of buttons popped open and his hairy chest deep into Danny’s face. Danny could feel the throbbing, he knew Barton was ready to shoot.

Suddenly the dream finished and as Danny woke up breathing hard his body arched upwards and without even having his hand over his cock, it spewed cum all the way up his chest. What a dream but sadly not real.

The next day Danny was immediately drawn back to the garage and he decided that he could still hide and at last watch the horny guy in his oiled stained overalls. As he worked on a car so the ciggie still hung out one side of the mouth and every now and again he would take his hand and shove it down the open front to give his balls a rub.. That alone made Danny’s trackies tent with his stiff prick.

Suddenly Danny heard a noise behind him and outside the door the local council workie was parking his cart. He was a big guy, his hair shaved at the sides but the top part gelled back into a ponytail. He had a thick droopy moustache and his whole body looked as if he had done very little exercise. Wide shoulders but with a thick protruding beer belly. His dirty white T shirt was too tight and had risen up to show an expansive hairy belly which hung over his yellow thick belted Hi Viz trousers. He has a yellow matching nylon sleeveless jacket and then a thick yellow dirty HIViz jacket and was kept open to show off his massive body.

As he walked in he said ‘Hey Les it’s Thursday you know I always drop by for a blow job. By the time I get here I am always stiff as a poker thinking of that mouth of yours around my cock.’

‘Christ man you should not be walking around the street looking like that. Your fucking cock is sticking out a mile in those Hi Viz. And don’t worry I know the day of the week and have just been giving myself a nice rub waiting for you. So close the door and lets get on with it.’

The binman walked up to Les and putting his arm around his neck pulled him in to tongue him.

‘Shit where have you been today mate you’re stinking.’

‘Thought you liked that.’

‘I fucking do and whatever that it is it’s sure making me even hornier. Hope you’ve not washed yourself in a couple of days as I always like that cock of your stinking of dried piss.’

‘Don’t worry I make sure its rank for you.’

Les rubbed his hands up and down the HiViz nylon crotch.

‘Christ you are really hard today.’

‘So what you waiting for,’ the binman replied undoing his wide leather belt and letting his HiViz trousers slide over his erect cock and balls.

‘Jesus I didn’t think you have washed your prick for a week. What a fucking great smell.’ As Les let himself sink to his knees so he opened the remaining couple of buttons of his overall and brought out his own cock letting his heavy set balls flip out.

‘Big man, big cock’, Les said as he took hold of the binman’s balls and squeezed them firmly yanking them down so he could feel them both. As he did. so did the binman’s cock sprang up so it was almost vertical. Bill let his tongue lick over the binman’s head allowing him to savour the dried up piss.

‘Christ you are fucking high. Love it man.’

Holding the binman’s cock Les let his tongue travel down the full shaft making sure he savoured every inch until his tongue had licked the thick bushy pubes. As his tongue worked around the shaft so the binman’s cock reacted waving around. It had a nice banana shape making it look even more erect. Les brought his tongue back to the glistening head having now covered the shaft with his spit. He was ready to suck. Still holding the full length of the prick Les opened wide and let his mouth take in the head pausing to fill his mouth with more spit and little by little he let it slide down the shaft and all the time breathing in the pungent smell of stale piss. Once his mouth was taking in the full length, Les let his hands reach up to rub over the nylon of the HiViz. He loved HiViz gear and would often lounge about it at home when he felt horny. He let his hands move over the binman’s belly and ruck up his T shirt more so he could feel the full expanse. And tangle his hands in the mass of chest hair.

He started moving his head in and out, the spit drooling down his chin and the quicker he did it so he took one hand away and brought it down on to his own shaft. The binman was clearly ready to explode and so Les wanked himself faster and faster while feeling the guys cock throbbing for his orgasm.

‘I’m ready Les so swallow that cum of mine all the way down. The binman gave a final lunge into Les’s mouth and reached his orgasm, the spunk coming out too fast for Les to swallow so it gurgled out of his mouth and rolled down his chin on and onto his coverall. Feeling so much cum in his mouth mixed with the smell of piss was too much and Les let rip with his own cum across the floor some shooting onto the binman’s dirty worn boots.

‘I love fucking Thursdays man working on that cock of yours’

‘If you fucking love them so do I, getting rid of my cum. I always like to save some up for you mate.’

The two guys sorted them selves out and the Binman opened the door to go out . Danny had been so excited and transfixed that he had not managed to get his dribbling cock out for a wank. He could feel his cock tight against the machine and as he moved so a small part fell to the floor. Before Danny had time to figure anything out Les was across and dragged him out.

‘I fucking knew someone had been in when I saw spunk marks on the floor around here. And now you’ve been getting off watching me do a blow job, you little cretin. Get off on all this do you? Of course you fucking do look at that prick of your’s tenting in your trackies. Didn’t manage to cum then, though you’ve got a bloody large patch of precum on you. So what am I going to do with you. I’m not into skinny lad like you so not much point in wasting a fuck.’

‘I’m not into skinny lads either. I love real men with lots of hair and bellies. The bigger the better. I so often wish I was a bear as you always go for each other which leaves me out of it. I so wish I was a a hairy bear and had the life you guys have. Feeling a bears pot belly would be perfect for me.’

‘Christ you are a horny little runt and its clear you would prefer to be a nice stinking hairy bear instead of your miserable little self.’

Les took hold of Danny shoulder

‘Right come with me. Time to sort you out.’

Danny was dragged across the floor and Les opened a door into what looked like a car spray booth.

‘Get yourself in there,’ as he threw Danny inside and then locked the door.

Danny was terrified. He was locked in a windowless room with the garage owner furious and clearly wanting some form of revenge. How long was he going to be kept inside and he had no phone to get a message out. He was stuck and there seemed little point in shouting due to the thick walls. As he huddled himself in a corner he was suddenly aware of some steam coming into the room. Just at first a little stream of steam but it quickly started to build up until he could feel himself enfolded by it. It seemed only steam as he was not choking or felt as it he was being poisoned. In fact it felt warm and comfortable. However as the steam became thicker so he was aware that his clothes seemed to be almost melting and sliding off his body. The steam had removed them and as he put his hand over his body he realized that he was totally naked. The steam continued to build up around him and he then started to feel a change to his body which he could not understand. It was as though he was being pulled apart, being stretched. He felt bigger, wider and yes even much taller. Even his face was being pulled apart. He could feel the blood rushing around his body surging warmth. It felt good in fact it felt bloody great to the point he was almost getting aroused. He wanted to understand what was going on to his body so in the thick fog started to let his hands move over himself.

‘Christ was this me. Is this really my body?’

The first thing was his whole body seemed covered in a thick mass of hair, from his belly all the way up to his neck and as he put his hands behind him the hair seemed all over his back. Not just a little covering but curly thick hair. But as he brought his hands back to his belly he realized that he no longer had a cute waist but he seemed to have a large extended belly also hairy. There was no waist.

In shock he put his hands up to his face. Where was that smooth face that rarely needed shaving. Instead his hands fondled a thick beard all the way round his mouth and even thick into his neck. It was as if his body hair had come up and spread all across his head but wait, his head was bald. Smooth, all his head hair had gone. He started to feel his hands where were the long slender fingers. It was as if he now had slabs as fingers, thick with hair. He didn’t know what to think but the feeling kept changing because slowly he was no longer feeling naked. He put his hand to his chest and was aware he was now wearing a rubber vest which was making him sweat, it was tight against his body showing every outline. But there was more, he was now in something that seemed like an coverall all open at the front with rolled up sleeves and his feet were clearly in heavy boots.

His head started to go blank and he felt dizzy. He knew there was a change but could not figure it out. But something was erasing all his thoughts, he could hardly remember his name and what his history was. He struggled to regain himself but it was too late. For a moment there was a blank and then he could feel himself rough, tough and wanting to get out, his throat felt different, harder, and he knew his voice had changed.

‘Get me out of here you fucking moron.’ He suddenly shouted his voice much deeper and with a strong local accent.

The steam stated to evaporate and leave the room. The door clicked open and Danny stormed out.

‘What has fucking gone on’

‘Jesus’ Les replied ‘I didn’t ever expect you to look this this. The way you look is only because it’s the person you have wanted to be and bloody hell man what a fucking great bear you make. Have a look at yourself.’

Danny stood legs apart staring at the dirty mirror.

‘Fuuuucking great man. Shit what a hairy bear I now am and look the part of your mate in my coverall. I’m no longer Danny, what a fucking boyish name. I’m Dan from now on and I ain’ going back.’

Dan could not take his eyes of his new look. His black rubber vest had inched up his hairy chest which was pushing out from his half open coverall, the sleeves were rolled out to show off thick hairy and tattooed arms, both arms totally covered in tats. His neck was as thick as his head and looked more so with the black curly bushy beard. Dan rubbed his hands over his shaved head.

Again he shouted ‘Fuuuucking great.’

His hand then moved down to his crotch as seeing this image of himself had started to make feel so horny.

‘Just as well my dick is the right proportion . It feels thick and meaty and by Christ its inching down my leg needing release and you Les are gonna give me that. Get over here As Les approached so Dan picked up a knife and then quickly turned Bill round using the knife to make a hole in the rear of his coverall just at arse level.

‘I wanna fuck you in your coverall. I know you have a great cock and I can get that up me later but now its my turn to shag you good and proper.

Dan undid to last two buttons and thrust his hand down his coverall leg giving himself and good rub before yanking it out. Les could feel the massive head rubbing against his cheeks.

‘Think you need some lube man to take this big prick of mine.’

Dan got hold of the oil can from the bench and smeared a great dollop over his cock rubbing it in.

‘We’re both dirty bear mechanics so you might as well have some of your gear up you. Get your legs apart. I wanna fuck you upright. Jesus that’s some fucking great thick prick I have. Nice thick vein and love it way it gets thicker and thicker up to my pubes. Means I can get inside you not too badly and then you can feel it more and more as I drive up to the hilt.’

Spreading Les’s heavy hairy cheeks apart Dan started to ease his well oiled cock deep into Les’s arse. He could almost hear it pop as it got past the entry and as he pushed more and more so Les groaned more heavily.

‘Shit if you wanted a big dick then you certainly got one. If feels fucking great. What a fuck.’ Dan sank his cock in until his coverall was rubbing against Les’s arse. He stopped when fully in and brought his hands around to Les’s chest opening up his coverall more so he could start massaging Bill’s nipples. They were big brown and stuck out just like a real bear of a man. Les groaned even more.

‘Don’t just rub them mate give me a good going over and nip and pull, sends me crazy.’

Dan started tightening his grip on the nipples and feeling them stretched made Dan feel even hornier.

‘I fucking love working a mates tits.’ Dan started to slide his cock in and out at first slowly almost to the point of taking his dick fully out and then rather than gently sliding back in he rammed. Les was loving his tits being worked so he started letting his arse move in rythnm to Dan’s cock lunges. Dan could feel himself sweating with his rubber vest and his chest hair was glistening underneath and he could smell his manly odour form his armpits. Good strong and what a bear should smell like.

The smell , Les’s tits and the feel of his cock tight in Les’s arse was working Dan up to a frenzy. Les could feel the throbbing cock and put his hand over his own thick dick taking some oil from the same can so his hand slid up and down as the oil dripped onto the floor but his cock glowed with oil and precum.. He was forcing himself back onto Dan;s cock as though he wanted to be speared.

Dan shouted,

‘I’m about to let my load right up you. Just hope it shoots out your bloody mouth mate.’

‘Go for it Dan my own cock is ready to burst.’

With a final shove dan shot his load up Les’s arse and Les shot his spunk out over the floor, with creamy white stains all over the floor.

The two men took their greasy hands over their faces to wipe off the sweat.

‘Now I know what it’s like to be a bear and I never want to go back. Fucking great man.’

‘Well Dan you might as well stay on as a mechanic I could do with some help so I’m not shagging all the time but at least getting some car repairs done.

‘Suits me mate. Mind you after that fuck it will be difficult not to keep wanting some more sessions and having seen you own cock I fancy that up my bum.’

‘Don’t worry I’ll give you one soon enough. It might also make it a bit more fun for some of our customers if there are two of us.’

‘Make sure when Barton is back I get to fuck him. That’s a dream to come true.’

‘Forget the dreams Dan its now reality, you are bruiser of a bear.’

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mvshortcut · 10 months

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Ranking every time the Ten Men get taken down by how cringe fail they are (Part 2)

Warning: this post contains major spoilers for Riddle of Ages!

We're back again already, folks. Part 1 is here; now it's time for round 2 of some good old pointing and laughing.

Book 4: The Riddle of Ages

first appearance of my problematic faves the Katz brothers! There's always gotta be one cowardly goon in the lot, and the Scaredy Katz fulfill their role admirably. This knockout isn't too cringe-worthy, although the dramatic "Now!" [immediately gets knocked out] is quite comical, as well as the image of him trying to run on his knees. 3/10

And here we have Garrotte being painfully average once again. Although this one is made more interesting by the fact that he and Sharpe apparently jumped some random businessmen on the street and stole their completely normal briefcases, then had the audacity to be surprised when said completely normal briefcases didn’t hold up well in a combat scenario. It’s almost as if they’re designed to hold paperwork, not fend off a flurry of tranquilizer darts. Who would’ve thunk. Also. You could literally walk into any Home Depot and find dozens of items more suited for this purpose, which the Ten Men easily could’ve done if they weren’t so darn committed to the stonks bit.

Also, “Most unfair! Such shoddy materials!” is the funniest possible thing you could say upon getting knocked out. It’s giving “trust fund kindergartener encounters Crayola crayons during art class for the first time ever.” Please just say “god damn it” like a normal person. 4/10

See this one is so funny to me. You're telling me that the infamous shock watches, which have terrorized several of our beloved characters over the course of the series, can be defeated simply by doing simple gymnastics? it's giving "show Sticky doing long division in his head to defeat Curtain's infamous Happiness brainwashing." Also, you're telling me you can knock out people simply by throwing darts at them? wild. anyways. I love Katz getting knocked out mid-threatening leap. 5/10

diversity win! Milligan won't kill you but he isn't above shooting you in the ass! 7/10

sorry this is so long but we need the full context to appreciate how cringe this is. imagine you brought five (5) of your best men to locate SQ Pedalian, a young adult not particularly skilled in combat, and also to fight a teenage girl. And now it's gone so sideways that you're literally the last one left standing. Standing, on top of an ice cream truck that you pushed on top of your opponent, who is now trapped beneath and yet has his hands casually laced behind his head as if he's tanning on the beach. And you got tricked into standing there, pinned by an empty gun, and simply watching while he loads darts into the (previously empty) gun. And now he's just shooting a bunch of empty darts at you, one after another, while you have to stand there and wait for him to finally knock you out. I think I would disintegrate on the spot. Also "You wouldn't shoot me in the face. That's not your style" bestie you just watched him shoot Sharpe in the ass. Would you prefer that instead? 9/10

This one might take the cake. First of all, they all fell for the trap, so now they're stuck in jail again like 3 days after escaping. And then, the teenage girl you've been terrorizing for years finally turns your stupid condescending pet names right back on you before a nine year old uses her mind powers to make you knock yourself out with your own weapon. 🫵 CRINGE. 10/10

Still very cringe, though less so than McCracken. It's kinda funny that Constance made them use their shockwatches instead of the (less painful) handkerchiefs. 6/10

Y'know, given the Katz brother's astounding loser energy, I'm amazed that they might actually have the least cringe take down. Taking the coward's way out. I respect it. Love them staring out the window. sad tigger gif here. Bonus points for ratting out Crawlings for being awful. 1/10 and two gold star stickers for them both

And, finally, for the grand finale, our favorite cringe boy is back:

Crawlings is making up for having fewer appearances in this book by making his COUNT. and YIKES. I literally have to step away every time I read this. From the supervillain monologue, to everyone groaning at him and then simply ignoring him (knowing what's about to happen), to Crawlings immediately poisoning and temporarily paralyzing himself the SECOND he gets a chance to be the Final Girl. And then he gets thrown back into jail. Plus the fact that he's on the floor about to pass out still wondering when the "Genius Serum" will kick in. uhhh. y'know, Crawlings, I might not be a genius either, but I have the slightest inkling that all may not be going according to plan. 11/10

And there we have it folks! The final rankings are:

Hertz: 6

The Katz Brothers: 9

Garrotte: 14

Sharpe: 22

McCracken: 35

And, in first place, with 36 points, our beloved Crawlings.

In conclusion,

#I put way too much time into this #I was surprised McCracken and Crawlings were so close #McCracken gets taken down less frequently but that means his are so much more cringe-worthy #the mysterious benedict society #tmbs #crawlings #mccracken #sharpe #garrotte #hertz #the katz brothers #ten men #the ten men

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osakisz · 1 year

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klavier gavin x m!defense attorney reader. (general hcs)

i love klavier an unhealthy amount. there's nothing abt this mf i don't love.

lowercase intended, male reader, romantic headcanons, klavier being klavier, apollo + trucy cameo.

like apollo, you are bound to be given a nickname klavier has made up for you, he'll mostly use it during trials, but that's not to say he won't use it outside of trials.

said nickname would be anything regarding your physical appearance. but if you're uncomfortable with him picking on you, all you have to is tell him and he'll stop! he can make up more nicknames for you in the meantime <3

definitely calls you a "silly boy" when you make a blunder in court. he will not let it die down even after the trial, he is a certified teaser.

you hang around his office sometimes, when both of you aren't busy, that is. he offers to play you bits of songs he has learned in guitar to keep you entertained.

your visits in his office always turn to asking him for information regarding the case you're both working on, to bonding with each other because you don't spend time with each other a lot because of the nature of you're jobs.

polly & trucy occasionally visits his office too, just to see how he's doing and all. the very first thing they see when they open the door is klavier, he's leaning against the door frame as if he knew he'd be having visitors, how is that?

klavier's happily having a conversation with apollo, mentioning his forehead without fail. as for trucy... the girl cannot stand still even if her life is in the line, she's eagerly listening to their conversation, but she is itching to take a look at klavier's beautiful set up of an office, his multiple tv's mostly piquing her interest.

when she successfully sneak out of the men's conversation and their peripheral vision just behind them, trucy is greeted with the sight of a slumped man napping in a table.

trucy audibly gasps, gaining the attention of the men right behind her. klavier expresses a shocked look in his eyes, but swiftly displays his signature smile.

"klavier! who's this?", trucy whisper shouted.

klavier approached the young magician, kneeling to reach her height, "that is my liebling, a beaut, isn't he?"

trucy is quick to clap her hands and aggressively nod "mhm!"

with the prosecutor being glad with her answer, he flashes her a smile with his eyes tightly closed.

apollo on the other hand is mimicking your slouched figure, adding an agape mouth to his facial features.

it is a fact that klavier is a star, the screams of fans whenever he is in their line of sight, the eyes of attendants always in his glamorous form, he has it all.

klavier presents himself a man who is constantly getting the attention of fawning women, but... for him to be a man was a surprise for apollo. i guess it just goes to show that klavier can get anyone he wants.

100% gives you ticket discounts. tell you what? he gives you tickets for free. and to top it off, he always makes sure you're in the vip seat, the closest to where the stage is so he can easily see you from up there.

has at least made a song (or even an album) about you, stonks might i say.

huge cuddler! he cannot take his hands off of you >:(

if you happen to be interested in learning guitar, he's more than happy to teach you! he always place his head on your shoulder while he's guiding your hands on which fret and strand they should be placed, he's so cheesy.

has played you an improvised love song during your date nights at your home, he's very extra and wants to impress you :)

will NOT depart from you without giving him kisses. considering how much time your jobs take away, he wants to have that first and last kiss from you everday.

all in all, he's a huge tease and even more of a flirt — surface level that is. he does big & small things just to show you how much you mean to him, how much he cares & loves you. klavier doesn't have anyone but you, and so he dedicates his life into being forever grateful that you stayed, just for him.

i literally just realized westley stickler's ringtone is guilty love 😵‍💫 love that for him i would have it as my ringtone too

#✷ ... original works #ace attorney x reader #ace attorney x male reader #klavier gavin x reader #klavier gavin x male reader #aa4 #ace attorney #im back at it again

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nerdyenby · 1 year

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Green time :D I’m watching Jojo

Pregame

Gosh, she’s so pretty. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest

I know green got some bad luck but I’m hoping the energy survives and thrives, I’m ready for vibes!!

Jojo stays on the grind, she’s insane /pos

I know Kara would’ve said if it was H, but I like to imagine that it was H who just showed up and offered her bacon without warning

“Maybe there are kind people in this world” Jojo going through it, don’t mind her

Pete and Jojo are so freaking funny together. They’re both so deadpan it’s amazing, I’m dying

Haha who who have past MCC teams memorized, that’s so whack hahahah (it wasn’t intentional, okay? It just happens when you run two 64-spot team brackets ;-;)

Seriously though, no one can be expected to remember MCC teams from more than one event ago, if that, including (and dare I say especially) content creators. Those are your pals and you’re at work, why would you be expected to remember who you were with on a specific day??

“Oh you’re in MCC? Name every team you’ve ever been on” so true Pete

“I could probably name every single team I’ve been in” “Weird flex but okay” “Ok, I’ll go for it, here we go” Jojo really said bet

*EEEEI* “Wait, was that wrong?” “No, I just wanted to make a buzzer sound” Pete is so real for that, honestly

“Fuck vod reviewing, all my homies hate vod reviewing” Pete only has banger opinions, sot is the only vod review you need in life

Jojo’s skin is so cute!!

Pete and Jojo saying they’re excited for Michael’s ace race

Hi Hannah!!!

I love this team’s energy

Pete saying he wanted Jesus to take the wheel and Kara appeared from the heavens

“Pinged in real life” 😂

Them making plans to go to a concert together, content creators doing actual irl friend things together makes me so parasocial

Me when I have a resting tremor and my doctor has no idea why

THEYRE THE ONES THAT STARTED THE PUNCHING??? That’s so funny oh my goodness

The best reactions to the intros ever 😂

Grid Runners

This team is so go with the flow, I love them

OH MY GOD THIS STRAT

“For team morale, any time we fail a game we need at least one person on the team that can take the fall, whether it was their fault or not. Grid runners is mine, so if we fail I’m the asshole” this is so iconic I can’t

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen” so true Pete

Grid goes so quickly because it’s! the best! game!!!

“Guys we suck” that’s the spirit!!

“Let me check who’s to blame for this one.. Oh it’s me! Alright, lay it on me!!” “Damn Pete, what the hell?” I love this team so much

Parkour Warrior

I love the blame game they’re doing

Jojo’s popping off!!!

Jojo’s so good at this it make my heart happy but painfully, or it hurts my heart in a good way, whichever makes more sense

Rip Kara, it’s okay, it’s crazy easy to flop when the pressure gets that bad, no worries queen <333

Aw Michael was so close too :((

“As per the law, this is my fault […] I threw- oh, I’m top 5!!” Y’all don’t understand how I’m love I am with this gimmick, green30’s blame game my beloved

I love how parkour warrior isn’t just about parkour skills, it also really emphasizes time management. It makes it more variable and interesting because it’s not just gonna be the same three people winning every time because there’s no single right way to do it. It’s now a strategy game and I’m so down for that, you don’t understand

Sands of Time

“You guys suck! I’m taking about the other teams” “That’s fine” “We suck too”

Jojo my igl!!!

Michael doesn’t know our lord and savior HBomb94??? Smh…

Gosh, we’re watching a master at work, people

Michael is such a good sand keeper, he just has such “this is your captain speaking” energy

“Michael your comms are incredible, I need you to know that” yes Pete!! Hype him up!!!!

Jojo found the vault so quick but that tunnel is MASSIVE

HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE!!!! GREEN30 SUPREMACY!!!!!

JOJO SOT CHAMPION!!!!

And now we throw, so true

Ace Race

Michael be like: stonks

Jojo repping us anxiety girlies, as she should (I’m not a girl but I’m anxious enough that I think I qualify)

MUSIC TIME WITH JOJO :DD

The turtles do go boing, so true Michael

Pete and Jojo are everything

Pete and Jojo holding hands for an entire lap and a half my beloved

Jojo giving Pete the strength to do the skip then missing it herself

Kara personal best yippee!!!!

Pete fastest lap my beloved!!

YIPPPPEEEEE

Michael is thriving this MCC, we love to see it

Ayyyyy halftime show!!!!! Get it ladies!!!

This is a phone flashlight moment right here

I JUST STARTED CLAPPING IRL!??!??!! MY PARENTS HAVE PEOPLE OVER 😭😭😭

Meltdown

“Here’s the plan: uh, follow me” so true Jojo

Gosh, I love this team. No stress, no rage, just “okay, here’s what we change”

OH MY GOSH

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE IN THIS ROOM????

THAT WAS INSANE!!!

Kara 😭😂😂😂 the sass, my goodness

“I don’t care” Kara is so real for this, I strive to be that self-assured

“Everybody pause. Shut up now. Who?” “Where the fuck is Mumbo Jumbo?” Funniest part is that I don’t know if any of these people actually know Mumbo

Battle Box

“Everyone’s looking at me!! Oh, everyone fell. Oh my god, everyone died” 😂

Mmmm yes, tight corners my beloved /s

Prison my beloathed

WHEN DID THE GAME START???? DID I ACCIDENTALLY SKIP FORWARD AND NOT NOTICED OR WAS I JUST THAT SPACED OUT???

I like battle box, I do, I just feel like I’m never paying enough attention ;-;

Winning against red was huge, they had such good comms too

We love finding a good groove :))

Gosh the vibes are immaculate, you expect them to be super sweaty but they’re just comming in gibberish

Jojo 13 kills?!??!!

“That’s my teammate!!” Heck yeah it is, gosh Pete and Jojo are everything

Michael willing to take one for the team, what a king

Sky Battle

Jojo igl my beloved

You got this, queen

Kara hyping up Michael’s kill :))

Rip, unfortunate spawn, happens to everyone

Pete’s tone when he said Michael’s name after he died 😂

“They need to give the chicken swap to two people and enable pvp” Pete is a genius

Hole in the Wall

The absolute sass, I love them

“It’s all your fucking fault” thank you Michael

I didn’t even realize they weren’t calling colors 😭

THOSE are the lyrics??? I thought it was “I believe” not “if I was green” lmao

Jojo flipped a switch in her brain and called the most supreme hitw comms of all time

“100- I mean, red” real

“Hey, guys? I’ll take the blame on this one” “Don’t.” “King, I’ll steal the blame from you” “I will too, I messed up” this is violating the spirit of the blame game /s

Pete and Jojo holding hands on the leaderboard my beloved!!!

Dodgebolt

“I would’ve appreciated if we would’ve like, said beforehand ‘oh hey, I’m gonna throw now’ so like, I would’ve been able to be emotionally prepared”

Maybe the real treasure was the parkour tag we skipped along the way

“Man, I even took my performance-enhancing drugs” KARA 😭😭😭

Cheering when Firecracker came and joined their screenshot, then keeping the energy when Fruit, Illumina, and 5up joined in too

Them all being so excited to team together :((

THAT SOT WAS LEGENDARY!!!! GREEN30 YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!!!!

They’re such bad listeners /aff

“You guys don’t listen to each other, yet you listen to me when I make calls in skybattle? What the fuck?” Pete 😂

“When was the last time we saw numbers like that in sands of time?” The answer is never, Jojo!! Y’all made history!!!

Michael stop being self-deprecating, I swear, a good sand keeper is an absolute necessity and you killed it king

GREEN30 PLATE UP!!!! I don’t know it that well but it’s such fun chaos

I’ve missed these little post-mcc chats where a bunch of people join a random channel and just talk, it’s giving season one vibes :))

#mcc 30 #mcc #mc championship #mc championships #jojosolos #petezahhutt #kara corvus #michael mcchill #nerdy’s mcc reactions #cw caps #cw swearing

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kieuecaprie · 8 months

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Kieue Caprie's List of Games Finished in 2023: Entry 11

#31: Pajama Sam: There's No Need to Hide When It's Dark Outside

What Platform? - Steam

Finished When? - 6/8/23

I had this game installed for the longest time but never got around to playing any of them. So I decided to play through it after having seen Limes (That's Limealicious) play through Spy Fox. It was pretty fun although I felt like I was going in circles a few times. It was still fun, though.

#32: Quake II (Remaster)

What Platform? PC, Steam

Finished When? 11/8/23

#32-A: Quake II - Call of the Machine

What Platform? PC, Steam

Finished When? 15/8/23

So, I never actually played Quake II in full until they released the remake. I always thought it was not very good simply because there was something missing. Turns out that the missing thing was the music which the Steam version lacked for some godawful reason.

So when the remake came out, I decided to give it a whirl, I did need a reason to try out my gyro-enabled controllers more tbh. It was fun, although it felt very difficult in a lot of places, it got so hard in fact that it got to the point where I had to bind quick-save and quick-load to my controller's function buttons to save my sanity.

Nightdive did a great job on the remaster, although they did kinda mess up on a few points such as the Railgun dealing less damage in SP and the shockwaves produced by certain enemies being next-to-impossible to counterplay. But other than that, it was a very solid remaster.

The new campaign was also really nice too, it had this kind of feel to it where you lose all your items upon completion so you can feel free to use the items whenever instead of saving them up for the final boss and unloading on them like I did in the vanilla campaign. Without spoiling it too much, I was not expecting certain inclusions in there. You'll understand what I mean when you get to those points if you decide to give it a look.

#33: Cruelty Squad

What Platform? PC, Steam

Finished When? 16/8/23

Not the first time I finished Cruelty Squad, probably not the last, but I felt like I wanted to play Cruelty Squad again because all my progress was gone, just like the apes. Armed with a gyro-enabled controller, I managed to make my way all the way through the depressing cyberpunk dystopian hellscape to the end, stonks and all.

Does it still hold up? Yeah, I'd think so, its got that feel to it that's hard to describe tbh.

#34: Quake III Arena

What Platform? PC, Steam

Finished When? 19/8/23

Xaero turned himself into a statue. Funniest shit I've ever seen.

Quake III Arena was one of those games that just doesn't like my PC, forcing me to play a sourceport instead. It was kind of fun playing through the campaign, although it felt barebones compared to Unreal Tournament's. However, it does have one leg up on UT... it's still on Steam. (i'm still in pain from Epic removing Unreal and Unreal Tournament games from all online storefronts...)

#35: Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

What Platform? PC, Steam

Finished When? 24/8/23

Where do I start with this game? Well, it's a great game with great vibes and a bumping soundtrack, what can I say? The movement is fluid, the boostpack is very helpful for platforming (...sometimes...), the characters are great, the art-style is amazing, and the story was about enough to hook me through it.

However, I have ONE big issue with the game: The combat. It's not entirely explained by the tutorial and it felt very floaty, inefficient, and the boss battles don't really give you a lot of feedback either, on top of them being complete bullshit sometimes (stunlocks anyone?). It's probably the weakest aspect of the game for me and it kind of drags everything down with it. Had the combat been more fleshed out or something and the bosses made more than just "find opening, hit three times, can't do anything else in the meantime", it would've been much better.

That said, I enjoyed my time with the game and I wanted to get it done before Armored Core 6 decides to throw everything into the backlog. Maybe now that I'm done, I can probably go back and fiddle with it from time to time, maybe try the custom graffiti modding dealie.

Also that one song where the singer yells ASS ASS ASS ASS in auto-tune is gonna haunt me for the rest of my ASS ASS ASS ASS life.

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#kieuecaprie gaming #kieuecaprie gamer list 2023

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korzafakemon · 2 years

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Stonk | Boulrot

Rock / Poison Stonk emits a putrid, poisonous fume from the top of its shell. This shell is also very sturdy, able to take a lot of hits.

Rock / Poison The fumes from inside Boulrot's shell are so strong that it chokes out plant life when it stays stationary for too long. Because of this, they are nomadic in nature.

#fakemon #sprites

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notasapleasure · 1 year

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No Offence S02.02,03,06 (2017)

Another police procedural!

Episode 2

Sgt Keith Pankani is here and he's here for three episodes!

With my apologies - the channel 4 player leaves a big fat play symbol in the middle of the screen when you pause it.

Keith is working the nightshift at the custody desk in whatever Northern place this is that is experiencing Crime. The drunk girl who stole a cockatoo and describes herself as 'epileptic, schizophrenic, Catholic' is my favourite person so far.

I guess the uniform has to be tight so miscreants have nothing to grab on to, hm?

Scar on his lip that you don't normally see with the stubble :')

Also: arm scar!

Please don't ask me about the plot in this it's as over the top as every other soap. But Alexandra Roach from Utopia is one of the coppers, so that's fun :)

Standard police procedural problem: Nora the gangster is about a million times cooler, sexier, more badass and more relatable than any of the cops.

Well ok, Sergeant Keith does know how to flirt his problems away.

Cockatiel girl: *is annoying*

Keith @ mc, Viv: pls empty my cells and I will give u kisses

Viv: :)))) Best do as he says! your problem Becky!

Becky from Utopia but not Welsh: noooo but I already jailed so many people today

Keith: *hides his smirk badly and pushes a file towards her*

The girl who stole the cockatiel is still the best person here. She doesn't deserve jail or passive aggression from cop lady, Becky from Utopia or not >:(

Aaaaand she's dead! Becky pushed too hard!

This is the lady cops making disastrous errors of judgement show I guess.

Episode 3

It's not often i'd day this but ladies you all need to take off the leather jackets and go touch some grass

Channel 4 describes this as 'outrageous' and I think it's a bit too proud of that as a description. It veers wildly between obtuse silliness and po-faced drama.

Oh my GOD peak copaganda: we can save this man's life with a taser! :|

I still love Nora Attah and her deaf lawyer!!

Meanwhile we've brought in the autistic behaviourist so. Strike that one off your bingo cards! She does like Nora too though: "Stonking STONKING villain! She's ace!"

All right, take the one thing I'm enjoying with no sign of Keith yet this episode and be narratively self-aware about it 🙄

Oh here he is! Rolling his eyes and tutting in the background of the 'comedy relief' scene where one of the cops apparently doesn't know you can't arrest someone for impersonating a paramedic, claims never to have heard of 'de-arresting' people and promptly gets a complaint put in against him.

Is this show actually trying to undermine confidence in the police service?

Keith is very protective over his jail cells >:3

Episode 4 - I shouldn't even have been watching it because no Sgt Keith again until Episode 6 fml

There's a strange old techie man called Miller in this show and he's oddly compelling. I'm already annoyed Viv's pool stunt was actually so sexy, but she IS right too:

Joy: "Can he access all our computers?"

Viv: "He can access cheese on toast..."

Literally makes no sense but it IS a mood. Mind, Viv is a workplace sexual harassment case waiting to happen.

"A kick in the Jackson bollocks" is his catchphrase, he's an absolute creechure.

I feel like the Manchester tourism board didn't have much of a say in this show.

Joy making her useless druggie boyfriend cry was kind of great though. And then......Viv made a Guantanamo joke.

Fucking hell. And the inept cop who didn't know about de-arresting people is there being inept.

Right, enough of that, Episode 6, Sgt Keith where are you?

Nora is raising money to end FGM and tackle it in the immigrant community and I?? Fucking love her. Let her sell her drugs! She's a legitimate business woman!

Also the police department act like they just don't care about bringing the person committing FGM to justice anyway because they're so blinkered by anger at Nora.

*sigh* I think the problem with this is it might just be too accurate a depiction of the police and their attitudes.

There are many beautiful and scrunkly people in this but they're all so fucking awful and still not a hint of Sgt Keith :((

I think imdb lied to me again :|

The end! I’m not watching episode 5 to make sure because it sounds like they’ve made Nora’s son (the actual big bad probably) into a gay sex offender just to go full house on the awful stereotypes bingo card. And I’m not watching episode 7 just to be sure because this is where I draw the line, Chook! If you were playing a character with anything to do I might have bothered, but if I’m missing out on one more desk shot with procedural speak I’ll just have to live with it.

Rating

Dead? Nope, but frankly who’s paying attention

Evil? All the cops in this seem to routinely break the rules, and he’s happy to obstruct defence lawyers so yeah I’m not keen

Affects the plot? *snort*

0.5/5 tragically pointless! The flirting with Viv and the complaining about the cockatoo was cute though.

#adventures in joplin sibtain's imdb page #joplin sibtain #i really didn't think the 20-teens stuff would be so barrel-scrapingly bad :( thank goodness for white gold anyway #c4 no offence #no offence #also look noah fence but i just don't like cop shows

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princecharmingtobe · 1 year

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While watching The Good Place clips on Youtube I feel like I gained some insight about Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Not necessarily new thoughts, but more... clarification of why we have those thoughts/feelings.

So, many people, more every day, are bored with New Horizons. Many got bored very fast. And outside of those who are just really into decorating, most people find themselves falling into unfulfilling routines that make their island feel more like a chore than a place to relax and have fun. And I think, in the case of New Horizons, this scene is insightful. (we are all Michael)

youtube

I think one of new Horizon’s fatal flaws, and this is going to sound a little weird... is that it prioritizes the player’s wants too much. Now I know, I know, “How is doing what the player wants a bad thing???” My thought process is as follows:

- We never have to experience the heartbreak of our best friend on the island moving away while not being able to do anything about it. They only go when you let them.

- We never have to experience the awkwardness or sorrow of accidentally upsetting a villager and having them not want to talk to us for a while. No one will ever get so upset that they turn you away, never being rejected.

- Everyone treats you like their best friend in the world from the moment you meet them. No one will ever be cold or distant or awkward toward you, they will always love you unconditionally.

- Money is ridiculously easy to make, whatever amount you need you can probably churn it out in a matter of days, tops, with a little effort. Or, you know, stonks.

- Progression in general is very fast, even when you’re like me and deliberately play in a slow, easy-going manner, you can very quickly fill out collections and upgrade buildings in very little time.

- You control almost the entire layout of the island. No building (except resident resources), no object, will ever be where you don’t want it to be, even the path of the river is in your control.

And again, you might look at it and go “That all sounds great!” and maybe for some people it legitimately is. But I think for a lot of us, it makes everything... “flat”. A line with no variation of ups and downs is just flat. And that’s how New Horizons feels. Without the inevitable heartbreak of your favorite villager leaving of their own volition, you take their presence for granted. Without that awkward start of a new relationship you can’t really appreciate growing closer to someone. Without the occasional sour interaction you can’t really appreciate the good ones, cause again they’re taken for granted, guaranteed. If there’s very little struggle to progress, how can you appreciate it when you do? And when you control everything, you never get to appreciate the contributions of others.

Here are some of the memories from the old games that have stuck with me over the years that sort of inform this opinion of mine:

- When Chief, a cranky villager, first moved to my town we did not get along. He was a mean old cuss who wanted nothing to do with me, and I hated him. But over time doing errands for him (cause back then that was one of the main ways to get things especially early game) he warmed up to me, and I in turn warmed up to him. And I became very fond of him, he was my wise old man friend who offered me life advice.

- When Monique moved in to my town, despite being snooty I instantly liked her. Why? Because I got stung by bees that day, and as you might know, the villagers on the gamecube could be quite mean, Even the nicer ones were making fun of my face or else acting scared of it, and yes, that did hurt my young child feelings. But then I went to greet the new neighbor, Monique. And she didn’t say a goddamn word about my face, and was comparatively polite to me. I know now that this had to do with her first meeting interaction cancelling out the bee sting reaction. But in that moment I was just happy she didn’t make fun of me like everyone else had, so I quickly developed an emotional bond with her. On top of that, in her first errand she paid me by giving me her grape shirt, which at the time was a Gracie Grace item, something I had yet to ever obtain. So of course little me was proudly strutting around my town showing off my rare High Fashion item. I also got to delight in Gracie herself acknowledging my Fashion Sense the next time she was in town, compared to her usual insults.

- In my original Wild World town Chevre was my next door neighbor and best friend. And of course, she did eventually move away. And yes, it did hurt. Probably the one that hurt the most. But you know what? I think that’s why I remember her above the others. I couldn’t tell you who else I had in that old village, but I remember Chevre, and how much I loved her, and how it broke my heart when she left. I look back on that hurt fondly, because it reminds me how happy I was having her as a friend at a time when I didn’t have a lot of friends, or good things in general.

- My favorite festival in Wild World was the flower contest, where you got I think a week to decorate around your house with flowers. And everyone did it, and the whole town was filled with flowers, and villagers were creating their own hybrids, and I was stealing them to replant around my own house like the gremlin that I am. You’d never get that in New Horizons because that requires the villagers to contribute something to the island: Flowers. The best they can do now is water the flowers you grow, because god forbid the other residents of the island try to change any detail of your perfectly planned picturesque island, right?

If Chief had been super friendly right from the start I wouldn’t have gotten to appreciate that slow warm up to each other. If everyone had simply been kind and sympathetic toward my bee sting face I wouldn’t have appreciated Monique’s relative politeness (and may have even disliked her for being snooty). If it wasn’t so dang hard to get Gracie Grace items I wouldn’t have appreciated that grape shirt nearly as much. If I hadn’t experienced the heartbreak of Chevre moving away she probably would have faded into my memory like everyone else in that town, and I wouldn’t have such fond feelings toward her. The lows made the highs feel all that higher. And the flower festival was just fun seeing what flowers the villagers would plant and then stealing the best ones for my own garden =w=

Come to think of it, similar things have been said about The Sims 4 (on top of it also just being painfully broken). It’s super easy to make money, to progress, to keep your sims happy and healthy. People have to fall back on self-imposed challenges, mods, and making up their own drama in order to have any kind of challenge or depth to the game because it’s essentially a utopia simulator, and that doesn’t make for very interesting storytelling. Great game for builders though! Hm, I’m seeing a pattern...

So yeah, that’s my take on the matter. Most of us, whether we consciously realize it or not, crave those highs and lows. And without the lows, the highs feel flat. It’s sort of like that quote from Angel...

“The wheel keeps turning. You can’t stop it. Sometimes things get worse, sometimes they get better. It’s like a song. Now, I can hold a note for a long time... actually, I can hold a note forever... but eventually, that’s just noise. It’s the change we’re listening for. The note coming after, and the one after that. That’s what makes it music.”

#really long rambly post that I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with #but it's been occupying my brain today

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unofficialadamtaurus · 11 months

Note

I’m sorry I can’t be normal about this today so take a few of my apeshit reactions instead:

Neo and Adam like had me choking I love it. LIKE OH THATS what you were talking about epilogue-ing with those 2. Adam be like “man did I look this stupid when I had misdirected murderous goals too?”

Adam vs Cinder was FUCKING AWESOME. The action was top tier but fucking when the burns reminded Adam of THAT moment had me OSNUXKWPZUXNWPW 😭

> "You're still a child," he managed instead. "Thinking magic and weapons will save you, but all you've done is find a new collar."

THATS SUCH A GOOD LINE YOU HAVE NO IDEA

“You were born with nothing," she spat, "and you'll die with nothing."

He blinked and in that second of darkness he flashed back to the nightmare he'd had all those weeks ago: his child self, staring at him through the flickering wall of an Atlesian prison. His next blink and he was that child, staring into a dirty mirror with tears in his good eye and fresh blood in his left. His final blink brought him back to the present, where his grip on Cinder's hands was slipping and the blade was burning his flesh and releasing a smell he knew in his bones.

AAAAAGHGHHGHGHGGGHHHHHHHHHH

and MY GOD his anger is so fucking palpable 😫

Okay I audibly gasped when Neo stabbed Cinder, you wrote the scene SO well and pretty nasty like this?

Cinder fell to her knees, shaking hands uselessly spitting flames that burned up to nothing. Her lifeblood poured from her chest. Her snarl melted from her face to be replaced with disbelief. She raised her head, watering eye failing to find the open sky beyond the Grimm and clouds.

UGHHHH. Along with the blood pouring on Ruby’s face?? It’s vivid (and gross) as fuck.

And I mean I kinda expected it after her convo with Adam, BUT I FUCKING SCREAMED WHEN RUBY GOT THE MAIDEN POWERS. HOLY SHIT??? I wasn’t expecting it AT ALL AND I THINK I LOVE IT

Ruby’s hero complex right now: 📈📈📈📈

A few parts I loved but didn’t scream about: Yang being a good sister is 😩. The art piece accompanying Ruby’s apology is god tier. Really good use of Jaune’s semblance (they can keep the blood and sweat and tears while still fighting 🥵 im sorry-). Adam and Blake’s team up at the end is so badass. like “It was kill or be killed. And that, they both knew well” YESSSSS

I have a plan for Adam and Neo (not a relationship plan) and all y'all are stuck watching me execute it 🫡

I will never not enjoy your apeshit reactions! It's hella gratifying to see those moments I thought would hit hard hitting hard - particularly that blink-and-you'll-miss-it line about Adam remembering the smell of burning flesh.

Invest in Ruby's hero complex now for stonks reasons, it can only go up from here!

#anon #unofficial adam answers #hollow people spoilers #hollow people reviews #long post #that art piece is HP propaganda. we will get more readers by any means necessary /j

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dansnaturepictures · 1 year

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29/01/2023-Shore Lark and more at Hurst Spit and a look at Keyhaven (Part 1 of 2-The story of the trip)

We came to Hurst Spit to look for the Shore lark today and were amazed to see this well decorated and special bird flitting around in the stones in quite the camouflage, a smashing bird. We got some great views of it to begin with on the stones then saw it fly, seeing it again in dashing sunshine further up. What a bird to see, it’s only the second time I’ve ever seen one after Hayling Island in October 2016 and it’s the milestone 130th bird of my year and what a fitting species for that. I feel so amazed to reach this figure inside January, the first time I ever have got here inside a month in a splendid start to my birding year. Shore lark as only the second I’ve ever seen adds to my first ever Sabine’s Gull and only my third ever Scaup - a nice thing to get one of all three - in a strong crop of top birds I’ve seen this month. This stunning Shore lark is one of my birds of the year so far. I took the second picture in this photoset of the Shore lark and with quite a high photo yield today I have done a second post with ten more pictures I took of the Shore lark as I took loads of it and the link to that post is here: https://dansnaturepictures.tumblr.com/post/707814653679550464/29012023-post-2-of-2-ten-more-pictures-i-took.

On the stones flitting around it’s reminiscent of the types of views we’ve been so lucky to have of Snow Buntings over the years. In 2016 weeks after Shore lark was a life tick for me Snow Bunting was so I always associate the two with each other even if I’ve gone onto see Snow Buntings a lot more. It was great to speak to many others watching this bird today including people we know/have seen before and it was good to see some of them engaging other people in the bird including warning unaware walkers that might have been on course to unintentionally disturb the bird. At this spot also it was good to see some scrumptious looking Brent Geese I took the sixth picture in this photoset of some, marvellous multi-coloured Shelducks, shining Dunlin groups I took the seventh picture in this photoset of some, Grey Plover and Redshank in nice light. Here we also saw; lots of Mute Swans, possible Wigeon a way out, Turnstone, Oystercatcher, Black-headed Gull and Meadow Pipit. We had a little look at nearby Keyhaven before the end having not been here for a while where the sight of a flock of Brent Geese almost doing a murmuration flying together in the air, doing a bit of a circuit then flying right over our head was a sight to behold. What a breathtaking moment watching these wondrous birds and hearing their evocative honks I was so immersed and fixated on them in that moment. This natural winter spectacle has long been something I’ve adored and one of the things that epitomises winter for me, them doing this at Farlington Marshes in my childhood hooked me on the species in those crucial days of my birdwatching interest growing, but I thought a few weeks ago I’d not had the moment where I saw this and really had them right over for a while so it was good to feel the splendour of seeing it. It was good to see them a few times on the little walk here in the air and coming onto the sea wonderful time spent with a favourite bird of mine. I took the ninth picture in this photoset of the big group flying. Also at Keyhaven we were treated to some stonking views of Ravens on the path, nearby and flying into the air like a jet, seeing their epic scale and regal features, majestic corvid beauties which it was an honour to see so well hearing one bark too. It was good to see Little Grebes a key bird across this weekend as well and Pied Wagtail, with Mallard, Shelduck again I’ve had a top weekend for seeing these and Buzzard in a tree seen here too. Lichen, teasel seed heads, more nice cleavers lately and gorse in flower were lovely to see at Keyhaven, with nice leaves in the stones of Hurst Spit. There were some stunning coastal views at both sites today, with marsh, mudflat, stoney habitats and fields blending seamlessly. Hurst Castle was a beautiful focal point of the landscape glowing in the winter sunlight, being so close to the Isle of Wight near the castle the closest you can be to the island from land making out the features we often see from afar at Lymington-Keyhaven Nature Reserve in focus close up was great with the Needles made out well. At Keyhaven the sun lowering created beautiful and enticing sky scenes. I took the first, third, fourth and fifth pictures in this photoset of views at Hurst Spit, eighth of a view from there with dark sky and tenth and final picture in this photoset of the sun going down at Keyhaven.

On the way here it was nice to see a Buzzard in a tree by the railway line as I saw on Thursday, Roe Deer again and a waxing gibbous moon I believe, a Buzzard soaring soon mobbed by a crow at dusk over a field on the way back with Starling seen at home this morning. A fantastic packed and wild weekend again, I hope you all have a good week.

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parfumieren · 1 year

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Angel (Thierry Mugler)

Since making its acquaintance, I've wrestled Angel and wrestled hard. In the course of five years, I went from loathing this divisive bestseller to... well, we get along all right in small doses.

2010

Today, during a routine trip to the mega-mall, I dragged my husband into Sephora for a spate of perfume sampling. Immediately I spotted a perfume I've been itching to meet for ages: Thierry Mugler's Angel. How did I manage to live for nearly two decades without encountering one of the most recognizable, polarizing, and notorious scents of the last half century? Luck, I guess. (Or maybe I'd always run away from it too fast to ever learn its unholy name.)

First impression on the test strip: fantastic! An acetylene-bright violet, sparkling with carbonation, like Sacrebleu with added nitromethane. I offered it to my husband; he nodded and smiled. Nice.

I strayed over to a couple of other perfumes -- Lolita Lempicka (if flowers could sweat…), Shalimar (charming as always), Hypnotic Poison (regular Poison + rohypnol) -- before coming back to Angel. Out with the test strip again-- sniff, sniff.

"What do you think?" I asked my husband.

"It's interesting. Different. Not like anything you've worn," he said.

I decided to leap in. Picked up the heavy, star-shaped, Tim Burtonesque decanter and gave my wrist a hearty spray. Hooray!

The first five minutes will live in my memory as some of the nicest minutes I ever spent with a fragrance. Prickly, tickly, teasing, Angel seemed alive with personality. Behind its strobe-light top notes, I could detect some of that unusual chocolate-patchouli chord I'd read about. I relaxed, plotting how I might ask the Sephora floor staff to make me up a sample to take home, and maybe I'd even follow up by purchasing a full-sized--

WHAT THE HELL?!

My Angel had just sprouted horns. No, not horns-- legs. Eight of them, all bearing down on me at freight-train speed. To my horror, this cherubic little bit of cloud-fluff had just morphed into a Shelob-sized spider of stonk. Having lured me into its pretty gossamer web, it now set about immobilizing me in a cocoon of sticky cotton candy from which escape was impossible.

Noticing the look on my face, my husband asked, "Everything OK?"

"Help," I managed to whisper before the death-cloud of spun sugar covered my mouth.

In what seemed like seconds, nothing remained of either the effervescent violet or that alluring bitter-chocolate accord. The present (and the forseeable future) consisted of a single, relentless note of slightly burned Karo corn syrup which grew stronger and sweeter with every passing moment, ratcheting the tension skyward until I thought I was going to scream.

Did I think it couldn't get worse? Oh, how wrong I was.

Angel chose that moment to deploy a stinger full of venom in the form of a blackcurrant note so boozy I thought I'd been teleported back to 1987, when the candy trend for high-school girls was fancy French cassis pastilles in collectible tins filled with powdered sugar. When you were done with the pastilles, you emptied out the sugar and used the tin to store your cocaine. And when you were done with the cocaine, you drank most of a bottle of cheap Leroux's blackberry brandy in a desperate attempt to come down. Then you puked yourself dry and promised God and your sainted grandmother never, ever, EVER to do it again.

That's where Angel had me, and I'd only been wearing it for half an hour.

After two hours, Angel shapechanged into the feminine version of Drakkar Noir, the toxic pong of choice for all the gold-chain-and-hair-gel playas who overrun South Jersey every summer. NOW I knew where I'd smelled this before-- I'd been smelling it all my life! Having grown up just across the bay from Seaside Heights, how well I knew those evil winds that drifted over the water, carrying the odor of stale cigarette smoke, suntan lotion, unwashed ass, and day-old funnel cakes coated in a sludge of equal parts congealed grease and confectioner's sugar….

I get it. Angel is none other than Snooki.

Home to throw myself in a steaming hot shower and scrub myself from head to toe with Ivory soap. No luck: hours later, Angel is still with me. If it doesn't fade soon, I'm going to have to get out my microplane citrus zester and grate the first hundred layers of skin off the inside of my wrist to get free. Until then, I'll sit in my pajamas, shivering and clutching a teacup full of whiskey, such as is traditionally offered to survivors of a terrible, unspeakable ordeal.

2011

I almost overlooked it-- partially because it was so tiny, partially because I never expected to encounter such a thing on a thrift store shelf.

The sight of the silver foil peeling off its molded plastic cap brought a self-righteous smirk to my lips. Beneath a scrap of masking tape marked “25¢” in grease pencil, that star-shaped hunk of glass -- tacky and cumbersome even when brand new -- carried a tragic coating of grime. Irony: that a high-end perfume modeled after that most low-rent of locations (the carnival fairway) should meet a fate every bit as tawdry as its stated inspiration.

Oh ho! how the mighty have fallen! I thought, then walked away.

Five minutes later I was back, staring at that tiny glass star and feeling inexplicably gloomy. What's an Angel like you doing in a place like this? I whispered… then reached out my hand.

As I've expressed before, my opinion of Angel is not high. It still isn't. Granted, its first minute on skin is a taste of pure Heaven-- but where it goes from there, in my humble opinion, is straight to Hell. Yet the sight of this little Angel languishing unwanted and unclaimed on the shelf dried up my schadenfreude at its very root.

Twenty-five cents, you say? And the bottle still has a minute amount of parfum in it? Well, perhaps it will be different when dabbed than when sprayed….

Take it from me: it isn't.

2015

Today I dabbed my very last hoarded droplets of Angel onto my wrists. Hoarded? I can almost hear you say. But I thought you HATED that stuff.

I've come a long way, baby.

It's true that an overzealous spray in Sephora nearly biased me for life against this bizarre gourmand. But that was five years ago. I've changed my mind on many things in that time. Cassis -- once my sworn enemy -- is now not even my frenemy, but my friend. I've smelled so many lousy Angel wannabes at Target or Kohls that the original on which they're based -- tart fruit layered over a patchouli-caramel-chocolate accord once deemed by me The Worst -- is actually really Some Kind of Wonderful. Maybe it's grown on me. Or maybe I've learned just how much Angel is enough (the tiniest, TINIEST dab; the barest swipe of the sample vial wand).

The point is this: I'm sad enough to see Angel go to want it to return, even if I have to buy it outright. Not a full-sized bottle, mind you-- unless the Angel promised to take its share.

Scent Elements: Bergamot, helional, hedione, blackcurrant, honey, patchouli, vanilla, coumarin, chocolate, sandalwood, a CrackerJacks factory worth of caramel, and a veritable shitload of ethylmaltol.

#parfümieren #thierry mugler #angel #perfume review

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