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mvshortcut · 10 months

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Ranking every time the Ten Men get taken down by how cringe fail they are (Part 2)

Warning: this post contains major spoilers for Riddle of Ages!

We're back again already, folks. Part 1 is here; now it's time for round 2 of some good old pointing and laughing.

Book 4: The Riddle of Ages

first appearance of my problematic faves the Katz brothers! There's always gotta be one cowardly goon in the lot, and the Scaredy Katz fulfill their role admirably. This knockout isn't too cringe-worthy, although the dramatic "Now!" [immediately gets knocked out] is quite comical, as well as the image of him trying to run on his knees. 3/10

And here we have Garrotte being painfully average once again. Although this one is made more interesting by the fact that he and Sharpe apparently jumped some random businessmen on the street and stole their completely normal briefcases, then had the audacity to be surprised when said completely normal briefcases didn’t hold up well in a combat scenario. It’s almost as if they’re designed to hold paperwork, not fend off a flurry of tranquilizer darts. Who would’ve thunk. Also. You could literally walk into any Home Depot and find dozens of items more suited for this purpose, which the Ten Men easily could’ve done if they weren’t so darn committed to the stonks bit.

Also, “Most unfair! Such shoddy materials!” is the funniest possible thing you could say upon getting knocked out. It’s giving “trust fund kindergartener encounters Crayola crayons during art class for the first time ever.” Please just say “god damn it” like a normal person. 4/10

See this one is so funny to me. You're telling me that the infamous shock watches, which have terrorized several of our beloved characters over the course of the series, can be defeated simply by doing simple gymnastics? it's giving "show Sticky doing long division in his head to defeat Curtain's infamous Happiness brainwashing." Also, you're telling me you can knock out people simply by throwing darts at them? wild. anyways. I love Katz getting knocked out mid-threatening leap. 5/10

diversity win! Milligan won't kill you but he isn't above shooting you in the ass! 7/10

sorry this is so long but we need the full context to appreciate how cringe this is. imagine you brought five (5) of your best men to locate SQ Pedalian, a young adult not particularly skilled in combat, and also to fight a teenage girl. And now it's gone so sideways that you're literally the last one left standing. Standing, on top of an ice cream truck that you pushed on top of your opponent, who is now trapped beneath and yet has his hands casually laced behind his head as if he's tanning on the beach. And you got tricked into standing there, pinned by an empty gun, and simply watching while he loads darts into the (previously empty) gun. And now he's just shooting a bunch of empty darts at you, one after another, while you have to stand there and wait for him to finally knock you out. I think I would disintegrate on the spot. Also "You wouldn't shoot me in the face. That's not your style" bestie you just watched him shoot Sharpe in the ass. Would you prefer that instead? 9/10

This one might take the cake. First of all, they all fell for the trap, so now they're stuck in jail again like 3 days after escaping. And then, the teenage girl you've been terrorizing for years finally turns your stupid condescending pet names right back on you before a nine year old uses her mind powers to make you knock yourself out with your own weapon. 🫵 CRINGE. 10/10

Still very cringe, though less so than McCracken. It's kinda funny that Constance made them use their shockwatches instead of the (less painful) handkerchiefs. 6/10

Y'know, given the Katz brother's astounding loser energy, I'm amazed that they might actually have the least cringe take down. Taking the coward's way out. I respect it. Love them staring out the window. sad tigger gif here. Bonus points for ratting out Crawlings for being awful. 1/10 and two gold star stickers for them both

And, finally, for the grand finale, our favorite cringe boy is back:

Crawlings is making up for having fewer appearances in this book by making his COUNT. and YIKES. I literally have to step away every time I read this. From the supervillain monologue, to everyone groaning at him and then simply ignoring him (knowing what's about to happen), to Crawlings immediately poisoning and temporarily paralyzing himself the SECOND he gets a chance to be the Final Girl. And then he gets thrown back into jail. Plus the fact that he's on the floor about to pass out still wondering when the "Genius Serum" will kick in. uhhh. y'know, Crawlings, I might not be a genius either, but I have the slightest inkling that all may not be going according to plan. 11/10

And there we have it folks! The final rankings are:

Hertz: 6

The Katz Brothers: 9

Garrotte: 14

Sharpe: 22

McCracken: 35

And, in first place, with 36 points, our beloved Crawlings.

In conclusion,

#I put way too much time into this #I was surprised McCracken and Crawlings were so close #McCracken gets taken down less frequently but that means his are so much more cringe-worthy #the mysterious benedict society #tmbs #crawlings #mccracken #sharpe #garrotte #hertz #the katz brothers #ten men #the ten men

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fly-pow-bye · 5 years

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Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Watch It!”

Written by: Haley Mancini, Jake Goldman

Written & Storyboarded by: Alicia Chan, John West

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Yeah, this show should watch it.

Our episode begins at the Townsville Art Museum. Townsville seems to have fifty department stores and about a hundred science conventions, but this art museum that was featured in Man Up 3: The One That's Even Worse Than The First One gets to be featured again. This Art Museum proudly displays art that's good according to that sign. Or maybe it's just a sign saying "Art: That's good!". I can't really tell.

Dame Elsbeth, presumably the owner of this museum, has called the Powerpuff Girls for an emergency. Buttercup immediately assumes a red bee is the problem, and tries to hit it with a rolled up newspaper until Elbeth protects it. See, it's not just a bee, and it's not just a ruby, it's a Rubee! Get it? Someone doesn't, and it's no surprise which one.

Bubbles: Uh, I'm confused. But that happens a lot, so it's okay!

I would chalk that up to Bubbles being written like Patrick Star again, but I tend to get confused by what happens in the reboot, too. The Powerpuff Girls were called because this priceless artifact, the most valuable item in the entire museum, is completely unprotected from potential thieves.

They did have a high-tech security system in place, but someone shoved a meatball sub into the control panel, causing it to malfunction. I have read so much Not Always Right to tell you that nothing is unrealistic when it comes to people ruining technology in unique ways. Oh, if only if there was some other way to protect valuable pieces of art. Like, I don't know, some sort of glass box surrounding it like that Anubis thinker right next to the security guard? Maybe it's just too powerful to be in one? I don't know.

The head of the museum decides that three six year old girls are perfect candidates for protecting this artifact. They are superheroes with really, really big eyes, but the former does cause a problem. What if something bad happens in Townsville, and the Powerpuff Girls have to stop it? Monster attacks seem to be pretty high in this season, though that's not that much of an accomplishment.

This episode is no exception, and it's even something that isn't a silly monkey with a silly hat or someone who sounds just like him. Cat-Thulhu has risen, destroying the city and eating 1d3 pieces of catnip every turn. If you wanted to hear the Mayor call something "eldritch", this is your episode.

Blossom comes up with a plan: one of them will keep a close eye on the Ru-Bee, the other two will fight Cat-Thulhu. Buttercup is excited to answer that call to Cat-Thulu to avoid having to learn anything, until Blossom tells her she's going to be the one to watch the Rubee. Buttercup tries something to get out of this, and it's confusing to say the least.

Buttercup: Come on! Let's decide by age or something.

Blossom: Fine! Bubbles and I will fight Cat-Thulu, Buttercup, you stand guard.

Buttercup: Wait, Bubbles isn't older than me!

Blossom: I'm counting mentally.

The joke requires enough brain cells to realize she's indirectly calling Buttercup less than intelligent, but not enough to remember that the Powerpuff Girls were born at the same time. I can see what kind of joke they were going for, but it just doesn't work in the context of this series. Even of the context of this episode, judging by that "I'm normally confused" line from earlier.

Once again, PPG 2016 does another three shorts episode, focusing on how each Powerpuff Girl would protect a priceless ruby. Buttercup starts out by looking around for any suspicious people, and her eye manages to spy a Steampunk Waluigi laughing maniacally. Buttercup reacts accordingly.

Buttercup: Sus-piiii-cious.

Bloo said it better, needless to say. She confronts this, and he says he's just a gem afficinado, and thieves are just. Buttercup decides to take this rather suspicious man's word for it, and grabs a baby who happened to be crawling around where the Rubee is. Before she can punch out a baby, another guy shows up to be in awe over the Rubee.

This leads to Buttercup giving a slideshow beatdown to a bunch of people who just happened to be wandering by the Rubee, using the baby as a weapon! The baby doesn't seem to care, which was probably the best case scenario with this entire "joke."

Meanwhile, we get a most shocking twist. You will never believe this, this is a scene I could not see coming.

Get this, Blossom and Bubbles are tied up by Cat-Thulu, absolutely helpless without the help of that rascally little green princess that normally takes on giant monsters like they're nothing! What an unpredictable turn of events.

While the two girly ones are struggling against the giant monster, the boyish one set up this airline security system. Don't think about it too hard; the show barely mentions how this would have solved the problem of the episode and just disappears after Buttercup's plot. It doesn't even attempt to explain how Buttercup managed to get said security system on a 6-year-old's allowance.

This new security system leads to another problem: namely, Buttercup being way too suspicious. She ends up arresting Barry for the crime of carrying a piece of gum with him, because he could have reshaped it into a Gumblebee that can be used for Indiana Jones-style swiping. Heh, Rubee, Gumblebee, their use of bee puns is as good as it can get. She then has the baby arrest him so they can make this joke:

Buttercup: You've been cuffed, son! Take him away, baby.

Get it, because it's a baby. That’s all I got; the baby doesn’t even really appear after Buttercup’s part with one little exception, which is not that much of a missed opportunity.

Buttercup gloats that nothing can get past her, and she almost catches a rather familiar looking crook until Blossom gets Monster Punch Girls Downed into the museum. This ended up being enough of a distraction for that familiar looking crook to nab the Rubee, and Blossom has to tell Buttercup someone is stealing it. I'll give you three guesses on who it is.

Yup, it's Discount Jojo. Again. They really waited until near the end of the Season to dump a lot of his episodes, didn't they? He doesn't even have a good reason to steal the Rubee, he's just doing it because he's evil. Buttercup just throws a vase at him. Leave it to Buttercup to irreparably damage the property of the museum while trying to protect other property. I guess that Rubee was just that valuable for nobody to notice.

Blossom, knowing that she couldn't defeat Cathulhu with Bubbles, decides to let Buttercup fight the monster, while she looks at the ruby. It's her turn. Don't think about the "mentally" joke here, because that only existed for that one scene.

Blossom's part is pretty simple. While she watches over the Rubee, a tour guide shows up to talk about its history. Blossom then gives that tour guide a "well, actually" and gives the true story of the Rubee. She then becomes the new tour guide, guiding these people to another part of the museum. Rubee be damned, she just can't help herself but express her knowledge.

...that's really about it for Blossom's part of the plot. It's kind of a sad theme with these three plots episodes; when all three sisters are involved, Blossom always gets the short end of the stick. She had the worst part in The Squashening, she had the worst part in Splitsville, she had the worst part in the Small World special, and she had the worst part in Checkin' Out. The only episode I can think of where she didn't get the worst part was in Memory Lane of Pain, and that's only because Bubbles' part was just telling her how useless she is as an actual superhero.

If there's any positive thing I could say, it's that there's nothing offensive here. In fact, there is this one scene where Dame Elsbeth comes back and asks Blossom if her sisters are looking over the Rubee that she totally forgot about. Blossom looks back, and realizes that the Rubee is missing again, and she has to distract Elsbeth...by grabbing her and throwing her out of the room. I don't know why I chuckled at that, but I did.

This would have been a good opportunity to use different villains. I'd think the Fashionistas would have loved that Rubee on their fashionable rings, and I bet it was probably shiny enough for Pack Rat, a villain that hasn't made a major appearance since Season 1. Unfortunately, well, maybe somewhat fortunately for the latter case, that wasn't in the budget.

Instead, Discount Jojo just continues to steal it again and again, just evilly laughing about how he pulled off this perfect heist. At least there's some variety in how he's stopped. In this part, Blossom eye lasers a Gem Foot to kick Jojo right in the rear, causing him and the Rubee to fly across the room. A good visual, but leave it to Blossom to irreparably damage the property of the museum while trying to protect other property. I guess that Rubee was just that valuable for nobody to notice. I'd argue that boot should probably be more valuable than that ruby. I mean, look how huge it is!

As for Buttercup, surprisingly, it turns out that Cat-thulu was too powerful for her, too. Well, that might not be entirely the case. The reboot does make sure to show that Buttercup probably could have taken this eldritch abomination on if Bubbles wasn't trying to pat its tummy! Yes, they're seemingly going with the "Bubbles is grossly incompetent" angle that was also used in Memory Lane of Pain and a few other episodes.

At least she's not incompetent to show up just in time to grab the Rubee from Jojo's hands. Blossom asks the Cathulhu-scratched Bubbles what happened to Buttercup, and she says that Buttercup said she can handle this monster all by herself!

Buttercup: (in Cathulhu's maw) AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

Bubbles: I believe in her!

After the umpteen times Buttercup had to save her more feminine sisters, this is not entirely a Patrick Star Bubbles joke, even if it was most likely intended to be one. I'm sure they would use different terminology for it, but you get what I mean. Blossom tells her she will go help out Buttercup, and Bubbles should look at the Rubee, and...

Blossom to Bubbles' ears: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

Bubbles also can't focus on anything, never mind a Rubee. I did not have high hopes for Bubbles' part in this story.

...and that might have been a good thing in the end, actually. Maybe my standards are getting pretty low, but I actually really liked Bubbles' part of the plot, where she just tries to entertain herself from this boring job of watching something that doesn't move or talk. Even George, the security guard that was trying to fix the security system by using other sandwiches, manages to be useful in this plot by being the person that tells her after all of her actions, she only spent ten minutes watching the Rubee. Bubbles goes mad from boredom.

Literally, as, much to the surprise of Bubbles, the Rubee comes alive. It's clearly a hallucination by Bubbles due to her boredom. I wish the scene could have implied the seemingly obvious without outright saying it, but I guess they didn't think of their audience that highly to assume they wouldn't figure that out without the bee saying "no, I'm just an hallucination, tee hee!" Show, don't tell.

Honestly, that's my only real complaint about this part, and it's a minor one. There's a musical number where Bubbles transitions to several different scenes with this personified Rubee, and it's pretty cute. I even like how Jojo comes in as a pretty good transition out of the musical number, and his method to play along with Bubbles' delusions in this part's "Jojo steals the Rubee" scene. Maybe it's in contrast to the other two parts, where he just yoinks it when the other sisters are away, but I thought it was clever.

Blossom and Buttercup end up beating up the monster, crushing all of Discount Jojo's bones. You'd think they'd be more careful after that Silico incident. Also, I can't help but see some sort of meaning to how Bubbles was involved in both of the times they weren't successful, and how she wasn't involved when the monster was defeated.

The episode ends with a callback to how Steampunk Waluigi said that a thief would be the one you would least suspect. At least, that's the most charitable explanation, and that alone makes it better than most of the reboot episode's endings.

Does the title fit?

The Powerpuff Girls do have to WATCH IT.

How does it stack up?

While not my favorite of the three shorts episodes, I expected a lot worse out of this one. I could see this as a decent Season 5 & 6 episode and a fourth-rate Season 1-4 episode, so that puts it up pretty high by reboot standards!

Next, the return of Donny and Man-Boy. May they have mercy on our souls.

← Drama Bomb ☆ Man Up 4: The Donnyest Game →

#fpb ppg 2016 #fpb reviews #ppg 2016 #powerpuff girls #cartoon network

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