#this sounds really fake deep but i literally dont care i cant put it into words | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years

Text

"You will be in my heart"

(A/n): Phill Collins bless your soul for this song.

Dabi is a todoroki theory is in here. Wow, and it shocks no one.

Having a baby is not easy.

Fuck those books for newly parents whose said "Having a baby does not give much work", no. Hell no. Ever smelled a dirty diaper? Its gross. Plenty of gross. SUPER GROSS. Pukes, drools you name it.

Yet you couldn't be more happier. Your daughter Rei despite being a troublemaker was the light of your life. And for her father, her little firecrackers. A stupid nickname for a baby, but oh well, that's the man you fell for.

"Dabi-" you called from the kitchen after washing the dishes, damn sink washed you along with it "Stop teaching Rei about how awfull Enji is-" you giggled "Probably she will never meet him!"

He turned to look at you over his shoulder, his baby girl on the middle of his legs as she pointed at the hero on the screen and ocasionally mumbled irritated and angry baby noises.

The damage was done.

"She at least is learning about the fake hero society. Cant disagree with me that Enji is a completely as-"

"Dabi." You scolded but smiled no pess as hs smirked before Rei started to babble on his lap, extending her chubby hands at his face.

"What now lil' firecracker? Tired of seing Enji's face I see. Dont worry. I get sick from sieng him to." He grabbed her bu her armpits and nuzzled his pierced nose along with hers making her giggled "Yes, daddy does."

"I wonder how the league would react to seing you all mushy with a baby like that." You giggled while sitting down on his side as he only glanced at you with a poker face.

Rei extended her arms at you and let out a baby laugh. Cooing, you picked up your daughter with glee in your lap. Dabi still playing with her tiny fingers along with his own much bigger ones.

"Her hair is getting bigger." You tussled on the few red looks of Rei "Maybe is time for her first haircut, what do you think?" You looked at Dabi whose probably was way too distracted with Reu to even pay attention on you.

You were so relieved that even despite showing signs that he was aprehensive at the idea, Dabi still welcomed Rei with open arms. The only problem was that, deep inside his sarcastic and thick skull, was this unconditional fear of being the same father Endeavour was. Give his kid the same treatment he received as a brat once.

It always followed him around like a ghost. But in the moment he saw Rei's eyes or heard your words... he was on cloud nine. The happines he hadn't gotten in his early years was right there, literally on his hands as he played with the bundle of joy that was Rei.

"Sorry to interrupt you two." You giggled at the confused sound Dabi let out before looking at the clock. Sighing and getting up.

"Guess is your turn to put her to sleep." He said begrudily, making you laugh since you never saw someone fight over to put their child to sleep first. You two had to make an agrement that each time Rei was going to sleep, you had to divide.

"My turn~" you poked your tongue out at him as he deadpanned while you carried Rei to her crib.

After some time, you two decided to have some, ahem, alone time and it let you two quite exausted. Making you both to just knocked out on the bed... especially since dabi was eager to touch in any way he could.

In other words, fast and rough yet pleasant ass fuck. Okay? Okay, moving on.

Although that peace lasted for only a short of minutes before you heard little cries from the other room of the apartment. Both of you groaned even at the thought of getting out of the bed.

When you tried to get off from his chest he just pulled you back as you groaned.

"Dabi, Rei is-"

"I will go. Stay here doll face." He got up while carefully laying you back down on the bed, his smirk present as the light of the streets iluminated his face. "After all, I bet you're exausted after me doing-"

"Just go you dickhead." You threw a pillow at him as he chuckled quietly, leaving your body relax on the cold sheets and without his warm body to help you.

The blankets werent enough. Is not even about to get warm, but is only for getting physical and emotionally close to ex-villain you happen to fall in love with.

Getting to know the real Toya Dabi was like founding a diamond on the middle of a bunch of coals. Due to his past, no one could ever blame this man to secluded to himself, have trust issues and have a deep anger angst the fake and popular hero society that everyone always venerate.

The man behind that sarcastic, cold and uncaring persona was a dork. No, really, Dabi is a dork. A loveable dorky idiot. You loved him, and you only fell more for the scarred man when he demonstrate all the love and care for that little human being that had your genetics along with his.

Lost on your thoughts, you furrowed your eyebrows at seeing that dabi hadn't come back in more than one hour. Sighing, you got up and went after Dabi and your Rei.

Although, when you were on your way you heard his voice. Probably even baby talking; yes, rarely he does that; with Rei. You tip toed until you exited your bedroom until Rei's bedroom door frame and poked your head only to see Dabi, stoic face as usual as he rocked the baby in his arms, maintaining eye contact with the infant.

"One last time and you have to sleep. Deal?" He whispered while poking Rei's nose whose shrieked cutely before babbling and clapping her hands "Deal."

You furrowed your eyebrows at his worlds before widening your eyes at hearing and seeing Dabi swoon on his feet with Rei on his arms and doing the last thing you thought he could do.

Sing.

"Come stop your crying

It will be alright

Just take my hand

Hold it tight." He took one of his hands and showed nonchantly to his daughter whose cooed and grabbed at two of his fingers with her baby hands.

"I will protect you

From all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry~" he hushed her when she started to babble while still on his motions.

"For one so small

You seem so strong

My arms will hold you

Keep you safe and warm" he brought her close to hsi face and did the same thing he did earlier with the esquimos kisses as she reached for his face to try to pick his staples, you giggled behind your hand and luckily Dabi didn't noticed you.

"This bond between us

Can't be broken

I will be here

Don't you cry" Rei, after a lifetime, finally let out a yawn and cuddled on her father's chest for warmth as you envy her for a moment.

"'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart, always..." he whispered teh last word as he notices she finally closed her eyes and puffs of air as he sighed in relief. Slowly and carefully putting her back to the crib... not leaving until he carresed her cheek with two fingers before getting out with hands stuffed on his pockets.

The poor man almost set you on fire when he saw you when he closed the door.

"You're have the courage to set the mother of your kid on fire?!" You giggled after jumping in guard whem he started to use his quirk.

"Dont scare me to death, I thought you were asleep." He turned down the flames and looked at you, smilling like a dork at him as he squinted his eyes and glared at you. "How much did you hear?"

"All of it." You smirked.

You had to settled down your laughter just tonort wake up your sleeping daughter at seing the all big and bad Dabi blush at being caught singing a music to his baby.

#dabi x reader #imagine dabi #dabi imagine #bnha villains #bnha villains x reader #bnha fanfic #bnha characters #dabi #bnha au...? sorta?#zuffer writings

214 notes · View notes

biaswreckingfics · 3 years

Note

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

#unpopular kpop opinions #sehunsthetics

7 notes · View notes

the100hurtme · 3 years

Text

Aight ACOTAR pt 2:

Alis really out here with the monologue

Bro I knew it was sus that he didn’t kill her and that she actually killed a faerie wolf

LMAO you really got me there but tbh if someone killed my bestie in cold blood like that I wouldnt feel bad about tricking them into loving me

DUDE REALLY HAD MORE TIME LEFT AND STILL SENT HER AWAY?!?! That’s not love that’s stupidity.

Lol forgot to add this to the PT1 but damn she couldn’t think of a fake name???

Aight well the dummy is gonna go straight into the mountain... I guess when you got nothing to lose it’s fine

Is she surprised she got caught??

I mean she’s a pretty solid villain for thinking of a punishment for Julian like that

Still not really understanding what good showing no emotion or even speaking does in this case

Like he could have said something instead of 😐

YAY hot emo rhys is back

Lol my dumbass wouldn’t be able to make a deal like that with people who could find loopholes in every type of wording.

They’re just gonna watch her get beat up??? Damn that’s cold but I guess idk

Lucien as a character is just pretty sad. It’s like a reflection of the kindly giant type of thing. The dude should be high lord after his dad but still gets kicked around by literally everyone even tampon.

Lol I bet the answer is either love or something super confusing.

So is she supposed to hunt the thing or get out of the maze

Oh damn running

I mean that sincerely I would rather punch than run cause that sounds like a lot of work

That must really stink oh gosh ew

Wow sis is smart smart

Is tamlin going to jump in???

Awww Lucien really the only one out here hyping her up

IS HER ARM JUST LIKE HANGING THERE

I’m a sucker for the *hes the only one who bet on her* trope especially if they aren’t even friends

These descriptions are really pretty. I’m glad he has night powers not some like court of teeth type thing.

Awwww Luciens mom does care about him

Lentils??? Why lentils???

Only a week??? Bro do like a month or something

Idk why but I love it when they get tattoos

NOOOOOO SIS CANT READ

Wait isn’t this cheating??? Can they tell that she’s using magic??? Do they notice the tat??

Atleast she made it out alive that’s great

Lmao I was expecting the comforting... BUT HE LICKED HER???

I don’t think she’s is getting any nutrients like she can’t keep any food down how is she standing

Wait did he put the paint on her so that no one would touch her?

Ummmm how is this scene gonna go in the live action sounds a little GOT level

For reals how is she able to dance the whole evening if the girl can’t keep food down

She only sleeps when she passes out from pain 🥴

SIS is strong that’s all I’m gonna say

All he wanted to do was get in her pants 😒 like dude what??? Also the paint bro

Ooooooo Rhys is smart smart

Did tampon really think she would kiss another dude right after they were getting frisky???? Boy has not faith in her

LIKE COME ON SHES LITERALLY KILLING HERSELF TO SAVE ALL OF YOU

Tampon insulting amarantha is the whole reason they’re in this mess in the first place!

Like he knew she was psycho but still provoked her???

Anywho time for the last task. And I bet you she won’t even let them go after Feyre completes it.

WAIT THATS SO SAD

She has to kill all of them omg

Feyre literally went through a whole arc of killing the faerie without a thought to hurting so badly for doing it omg

Wait no the girl really just wanted her to do it omg

Wow the death mantra thing is so sad

OH SHIT OF COURSE ITS TAMPON

oof

Lol hold up how did she remember all that

I must have the memory of a goldfish cause I read those parts last night and I dont even remember them

If it doesn’t work that means no one could kill the she devil yikes...

I mean yeah do it i guess

Girl’s got guts

OH DAMN SHE DID IT

OF COURSE SHE WOULDNT RELEASE THEM I CALLED IT

SHIT SHES THROWING HER AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL

AWWW RHYS IS FIGHTING FOR HER like he’s not making progress BUT STILL

wait why is no one else helping her. Like tampon get up or something it’s just a little cut🙄

How tf is she still alive

I KNEW IT WOULD BE LOVE kinda cliche but since the Fae think love is kinda lame it’s smart

SHE BROKE THE CURSE

OH SHIT IS SHE DEAD

oh she’s dead

Why is she in rhy’s eyes is their bargain bond like a blood bond or something

Oh she’s like dead dead

YEAH KILL THE BITCH

This book is pretty graphic

Is she really dead? There’s like 4 more books or something

Oh they’re gonna bring her back

Aww I kinda wish she would stay human but I guess that’s not realistic

Why couldn’t he just cuddle her why did he have do her??? Like the girl is tired you horny ass 🙄

Wow this bargain bond is pretty deep to tug her around like that

Awww wait then talking about it is so sad :(

Oooof I got shivers when he explain her neck snapping

OH SHIT HE JUST REALIZED SHES HIS MATE

I think idk I’m pretty sure

Okie those were my thoughts from book 1 a court of thorns and roses.

#ACOTAR #feyre archeron #tamlin #rhysand #Spoilers

2 notes · View notes

lemonadetyler · 5 years

Text

peter takes your virginity

pairing: peter parker x reader

type: smut // headcanon

a/n: wanna join my marvel tag list? just send me an ask :)

- so you’ve been dating peter for a hot minute & you know damn well its time for y’all to fuck

- not just timing wise, but you’ve wanted to for a while now

- peter obviously wants to too, but the lil baby won’t say so bc he doesn’t wanna make u uncomfortable in case u don’t want to.

- when you climb on his lap during make out sessions (which there are so many of), peter gets so hard & when you notice or gesture to it he gets SO embarrassed

- one time you very lightly started grinding on him & he couldn’t stop apologizing for getting a boner

- “it was an accident i swear!!”

- “peter, i would be upset if u didn’t get one.”

- like my mans is really so innocent

- so it’s gonna be a challenge.

- but sis gotta plan: peter comes over everyday after school to do homework & hang out. but today you’re gonna ‘forget’ he’s coming & fall asleep in your bed with some sexy underwear on

- girls gotta do what a girls gotta do

- you get home & practically rip your clothes off trying to get ready in time

- “wish peter was the one ripping my clothes off.” 🐸☕️

- so you put the bra & panties on & god damn do u look hot

- titties? popping. booty? thriving

- & you’re positioned in literally the most sexual position possible, like these itty bitty transparent panties are showing it ALL to whomever might walk through your door ;))

- & then it happens; peter walks in your room like usual

- “hey, y/n, do you think- woah!” peter exclaims

- you’re still fake asleep like the lil sneak bitch u are lmao

- you can feel peter’s eyes on u & know he’s staring hard

- u know that’s not all that’s hard in the room ;))

- he very gently begins to cover u up

- like a true gentlemen in peter parker fashion

- u fake wake up, “oh, peter!”

- “oh, uh, hey y-y/n.”

- “sorry i was so tired i just completely passed out after school.”

- “do u, uh, usually wear that to school?” peter asks, nervous as hell, SHOOTING HIS SHOT.

- “maybe you could find out?” you say with a lil smile.

- OH GIRL YES U REALLY DID JUST

- “i don’t know- i don’t wanna do something you’re uncomfortable with.” peter confesses to you.

- “uncomfortable?” you question. “peter i’ve been trying to get in your pants for months. you’re my boyfriend, i want this.”

- “you do??” he asks sounding surprised. & yes, he did sound very excited

- “peter, please.” you beg him, need in your voice.

- peter has never taken his shirt & jeans off faster

- he’s holding himself up on top of you while y’all making out

- he’s slowly beginning to make his way towards your jaw & down your neck. you are a moaning mess. peter is grinding just a lil & honestly, homeboy got moves.

- so you’re getting really wet so you’re starting to buck your hips up to meet his.

- “okay babygirl, i’m coming.” he tells you as he moves his mouth down to your pussy.

- ALSO

- BABYGIRL

- THAT NICKNAME

- FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A PLASTIC SPORK THAT IS HOT

- but peter isn’t stopping there, he’s picking you up and carrying you off the bed. you’re being slammed against the wall & peter is holding you against it while beginning to leave a trail of kisses down your thigh

- your panties are still on & are so thin & they are absolutely soaked

- peter is sucking on your clit & kissing your pussy lips through the thin fabric & you just physically cant

- “oh my god peter where did u learn to that?” you cry in between moans

- “let me make u feel good, babygirl”

- alright that’s fine we can do that

- peter finally slides your panties to the side & he just goes for it, diving his tongue inside of you. you’re not gonna last long. homeboy knows how to work that tongue

- “peter i’m gonna come.”

- “come on my face, baby.”

- YOUR INNOCENT LIL PETER BEAN SAID WHAT

- as previously stated, you did not last long. not after fuckin mr. clean himself dropped that dirty talk on u

- so peter let’s you down & you look at the bulge in his pants & it is large.

- “your turn.” you tell peter.

- “i don’t have a condom.” peter confesses.

- “i do.” you tell peter.

- “of course you do.” peter says sarcastically.

- you hand the condom to peter & he slips it over his length

- you’re lying on the bed again

- “are you sure about this? we don’t have to?” peter tells you.

- he’s so caring & always wanting to make sure you’re comfortable

- “i want this peter.” you remind him.

- he slides into you so gently & you expected some pain but honestly shit slaps

- “peter you can move.” you tell him.

- he begins to rock back forth, just barely pulling the tip out before sliding back in

- he’s constantly asking you if you’re okay

- you’re constantly telling him that it feels amazing

- “am i doing okay?” peter asks worriedly

- “you’re doing great.” you tell him.

- but soon the pleasure is getting too much to handle again

- “faster peter.”

- “are you sure?”

- “peter. i want you to fuck me.”

- & so he was off to races

- slamming into you; hard, fast, deep. dick game so strong stg

- “fuck right there.” you moan

- “you’re so tight.” peter tells you.

- “peter i’m gonna come again.”

- “not until you’re screaming my name.”

- BITCH WAS HE RIGHT

- he starts rubbing circles on your clit

- making you feel sum type of way

- you are SCREAMING his name

- your orgasm is ripping through you

- “mmm, fuck, y/n” peter moans & bites his lip as he reaches his climax.

- soon peter is collapsing besides you, your naked bodies breathing heavily together after both of your first times.

- “so how was it?” peter asks you

- “same time tomorrow?” you reply

- “i’ll be there.” peter agrees.

tag list:

@smilexcaptainx

3K notes · View notes

fuzzbuns · 4 years

Text

Im in a bad mood because american education system is hell so im gonna ramble about stuff no one cares about for that sweet serotonin aka atsutodo* tho really just Mr Atsushi... Sir Joned arbuck-

*?... like i mean its lowkey atsutodo i will not front but realistically speaking im just gonna talk about thier relationship and whether you see it as platonic or not it is up to you but like just know in my minds eye MY GOD these bitches GAY.... good for them tho... good for them

I just legit don’t understand people who either think/ characterize atsushi as someone who is mean or doesn’t like todomatsu. Like the only person who legitimately should ever feel that way is totty but we will get there. like, i get not everyone stans atsushi and has been following him ever since that one tweet after ep 22 where he is shown baking a totty themed meal (srsly look at this. the second i saw this tweet back in like 2016 i was like “oh i love this dude”)

LIKE.... LOOK AT THAT.......

Ok so back to the point : like i get most people do not care to keep up with the guy who had 19 seconds of screen time in ep 22 LIKE I GET THAT but literally the very second you look at his characterization in literally anything it is just so clear that he genuinely likes totty and seeks out his company!

And like i know some people saw how totty reacted to him in the movie and went “uh.” But you guys are literally forgetting that todomatsu is a matsuno.... plus totty literally tried to maul his own siblings? IDK to me it just kinda shows to todomatsu clearly feels close enough to atsushi in order to treat him like his siblings because totty is the kind of person who values what people think of him (including atsushi. In ep 7 season 2 he literally is apologizing to atsushi even when atsushi isnt even there which means he clearly cares about whether he is on good terms with him or not) so like....? If he really didnt like atsushi he just wouldnt hange out with him. He just got pissed off,,,, not very deep. Plus atsushi didnt even react.... which to me is just like.... he is close enough to totty to know he is dramatic and is use to having totty be a drunk menace to society. Also? People think he was being mean with the whole ‘neetville’ thing WHICH LIKE..... WHAT ABOUT IT.... like im not even convinced he meant it like that but even if he did, he is just teasing them....it really not that deep..... it is one negative interaction out of the many postitive ones they have had and its is mostly totty who is making a stink (which is a common theme.... BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN HE HATES ATSUSHI WE WILL GET THERE)

Back to atsushi, i feel like seeing him in highschool made me kinda get his character more (tho its just my interpretation so idk. I literally do not know how they characterize him in tabi or the spin off because i just havent seen translations for that stuff? Tho i know i heard that in one of the tabi events he was in people said he was nice to totty (aka he was a good guy... like we have known this.) but thats like.. it.) We barely see him talk! He is super quiet! Which is... going back to the last part.... kind makes the lines he has make sense? I feel like he isnt really the best at taking the lead in conversations and isnt really even that good of a conversationalist but he knows what people what to hear so he just says that and it usually works out fine? Like he can fake it well, like when i write a paper and think “idk what im talking about” and then i get it back and the prof is like “wow..... this was.... breathtaking...” like thanks my head is empty! idk if that makes sense but he just seems like the kind of person who was forced to get good at conversing when he finished highschool in order to network and shit but like deep down he would rather not. Like he is friendly! He has friends and he likes being with them but i feel like if it was up to him he would be a bit more reserved. And the fact he likes totty kinda speaks to this?

Before we get to that i should probably prove he likes totty but i feel like it is so obvious i shouldnt have to..... he set totty up with the girls in ep 7, he apparently goes to the gym with totty every now and then and like. Looks forward to it. The hesowars sprite where he is waving totty as if totty was some kind of celebrity (in front of the girls who clearly dont want to see him. Like atsushi is so oblivious to the fact the atmosphere is awkward because he is too busy being.... gay??? Sorry homies i decided it is gay.) also the offical art of totty and atsushi on a totally-not-a-date.... even if you take the subjective gay subtext i put on there off its still obvious atsushi and totty hang out and atsushi puts effort in in order to do so. I feel like the fact he is still in touch with totty after highschool speaks to just how much effort atsushi put in to keep him around because lets be 100%. Todomatsu seems like a NIGHTMARE to actually have a stable friendship that lasts more than a year with. This is the guy who literally does not get the concept of friendship... and yet here atsushi is.....very much being his friend

I feel like unless you are someone who is very good at reading inbetween the lines/a good listener, it would be impossible to be todomatsus friend just because of the front he puts up. I honestly think since they are highschool friends, totty doesnt put up as much of a front with atsushi cuz like... he saw totty at his most baby..... like you cant come back from that. But totty puts up fronts even with his own siblings so he definitely still has to put up some kind of front with atsushi. So i think atsushi being this quiet kid in highschool gave him the skills to deal with totty. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS MEAN I PROMISE I LOVE TOTTY IM JUST BEING REALISTIC. when you arent doing the talking and you are just listening and taking in what people are saying you start to pick up on a lot of little things. And because atsushi knows what totty was like in highschool i feel like he genuinely understands todomatsu as a person. Like totty can act self assured and dismissive but we (and atsushi) know that deep down he really craves affection and validation. Which is why atsushi sticks around with him and even goes as far as setting him up on dates. Atsushi is a quiet dork at heart. I will not budge on this.

So like where does the asshole rich man idea of atsushi even come from?? Because atsushi isnt really like that (tho i will admit it is very funny... rich asshole atsushi is very funny i can not lie)? The line about him having a car never came off as snobbish to me tbh it just seems awkward (like you know... a quiet kid who is forced to converse). Remember how i said we would come back to that? We are finally doing it. Todomatsu matsuno has too many insecurities and he projects them on the people around him. Notice how we always see atsushi from todomatsu perspective! Totty see atsushi as the guy who always one ups me and takes girls from me.... the guy who said neetville,,,, the guy who likes to look down on commoners..... but .... totty isnt a reliable narrator. Todomatsu has a hard time seeing other people as being genuine because he himself cant be genuine. So when atsushi hangs around him, he assumes that he must be looking down on him, because why else would someone like atsushi wanna be around someone like totty :( (i suggest “because he is gay” but like-) i think totty genuinely likes atsushi but he is so self sabotaging that he cant accept the idea that anyone who knows who he is could ever want to connect with him so he tries to keep atsushi at a distance and lashes out whenever atsushi unknowingly proves his warped perspection of him (an asshole rich guy) right because the idea of someone using ur misery as entertainment is upsetting to say the least.

Its 2020 and i cant believe i just rambled about atsutodo but i was thinking about atsushi recently plus...... i dont keep up with the oso fandom but i saw shit about people who thought atsutodo was.... bad??? And like I genuinely just cant see how you could get to that conclusion? It doesnt have to be ur thing but to reach and say its somehow “Problematic” ??????? The only messy thing about it is just totty being a matsuno like..... atsushi is genuinely such a chill guy i just... its not clicking for me.

Anyway atsushi is a dork man. Quiet highschool kid rep. Coconut head king. jon arbuckle. And if he wants to hold hands with todomatsu matsuno?? Who am i to stop him.... insert image of fma love is love thumbs up

In fact after all the effort he has put in? He deserves to hold his hand..... AND TOTTYS HAND DESERVES TO BE HELD/??/

Ok i have work to do bye

#fuzzy rambles #im suppose to be writing an paper on stress #but i got so stressed thinking about it i decided to talk about atsutodo like a loser #also forgot to eat dinner so im gonna do that

9 notes · View notes

michaelmilkers · 5 years

Note

I saw in one of your tags that you mentioned how 21 pilots made emo pretentious and im actually curious about why you say that (not hate i just never knew about them that much)

my friend you have asked me about a topic i am very knowledgeable and very angry about so prepare yourself for what you have wrought

it isnt just twenty one pilots but theyre just the biggest and most popular example

like. take my chemical romance in the early-mid 2000s aka the peak of emo. it was very melodramatic and theatrical, the way emo should be. there was a presence of “we are not like other people” in a lot of the songs, but it was never just that. it was more of a “we have been cast out and we kinda suck but thats okay.” one of the best examples of this is, ironically, i’m not okay.

take, for example, the opening to the mtv music video:

[Ray] You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet. You can't swim, you can't dance and you don't know karate. Face it, you're never gonna make it. [Gerard] I don't wanna make it, I just wanna...

this immediately establishes the song as being about social outcasts and people who dont fit the mold. the fucking tag line of the song is “i’m not okay” ffs, that really tells you all you need to know about the song. but the important thing is it doesnt take itself too seriously either. the music video takes place in a private school, and shows scenes of the band members eating lunch alone, being bullied by jocks and preps, etc., but it ALSO shows scenes of frank putting swim goggles on in chemistry class and ray drawing on his test with a crayon and then licking it, and at the end they all ambush and beat the shit out of a guy in a mascot costume. all of this is cut up by text saying things like “if you ever felt alone” “if you ever felt wronged” “if you ever felt anxious”

do you see the juxtaposition here? the music video could very very easily be a fake deep bullying psa, but its not, because while theyre getting bullied and playing their music in a garage they are also, unequivocally, total fucking losers for obvious comedic effect. it is a very exaggerated and lighthearted version of real phenomena, which makes it more relatable to a wider audience.

the same can be said about the song itself. it has some pretty heavy and angsty lyrics (”i’m not o-fucking-kay”) but the instrumentals are punchy and energetic and catchy and gerard’s vocal delivery is very theatrical but also very deliberate and he still puts real emotion in the words. it sounds like its taking the piss out of not being okay, which is exactly what i as a clinically depressed 13 year old needed, and i bet a lot of other people can say the same. i’m a loser and thats okay. i fucking suck in school and thats okay. i feel shitty and thats okay. i’m not okay and that, in itself, is okay.

with twenty one pilots, on the other hand, there is no theatrics, theres no taking the piss, theres no over-the-top melodrama that made emo what it was.

take, for comparison, the opening lines of heathens:

All my friends are heathens, take it slow Wait for them to ask you who you know Please don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abuse

and this presents, immediately, one of my biggest criticisms of twenty one pilots: their rampant appropriation of mental illness.

because my first thought when hearing this is as an abuse survivor and someone with ptsd they can kiss every single square inch of my ass.

Welcome to the room of people Who have rooms of people that they loved one day Docked away Just because we check the guns at the door Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades You're loving on the psychopath sitting next to you You're loving on the murderer sitting next to you You'll think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?"

they try to do the same kind of nuanced poetic lyrics that my chemical romance did and in my opinion is just doesnt fucking work because they take themselves SO. FUCKING. SERIOUSLY. it sounds JOYLESS.

and the song closes out with this:

Why'd you come? You knew you should have stayed (It's blasphemy) I tried to warn you just to stay away (Away) And now they're outside ready to bust (To bust) It looks like you might be one of us

this is what i mean by pretentious. there is a clear separation of the person/people from whose point of view the song is told and the people the song is meant to be listened to by from the greater population, but theres no high energy or comedic self deprecation to counteract it.

now take some lyrics from heavydirtysoul, a song i actually really like the sound of, im not just shitting on this band bc its not to my taste yall:

There's an infestation in my mind's imagination I hope that they choke on smoke 'cause I'm smoking them out the basement This is not rap, this is not hip-hop Just another attempt to make the voices stop

Nah, I didn't understand a thing you said If I didn't know better I'd guess you're all already dead Mindless zombies walking around with a limp and a hunch Saying stuff like, "You only live once." You've got one time to figure it out One time to twist and one time to shout One time to think and I say we start now Sing it with me if you know what I'm talking about

right back at it again with that appropriation of mental illness symptoms! and some dumbass critique of our generation that doesnt fit in with the rest of the song at all, closing out the verse with “we are not like you” shit. the vocal delivery at least has more energy than heathens, but the lyrics just feel like a mishmash of different points theyre trying to make that have nothing to do with each other.

the best line of the song is undoubtedly “death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit” but its poetic just... for the sake of being poetic? its one of those lyrics that sounds like someone came up with and was like “bro we gotta put that in a song” but then couldnt actually figure out how to fit it into a song in a way that would flow. another example of this is “i cant drown my demons they know how to swim” in bring me the horizon’s can you feel my heart. not shitting on bring me the horizon, i really like sempiternal, but thats another line thats just poetic for the sake of being poetic. and to be put on t-shirts. i know this because when i was 12 i had a shirt that said “i cant drown my demons they know how to swim” on it.

i could do more analysis on other mcr songs, namely welcome to the black parade and famous last words, but i would be here for literal hours and idk if people actually care that much.

to sum my points up:

they take themselves too seriously. they appropriate and romanticize mental illness (forgot to mention that top’s website, at one time, described their music as “schizoid pop” lol). they pull a lot of “We Are Not Like Other People..,.,.,,...” shit.

that last point is not inherently a bad thing, for example the new slipknot album is literally called “we are not your kind” but the song that contains that line as a lyric is all out life, and corey taylor is screaming that entire song and the instrumentals are reminiscent of speed metal with how fucking energetic they are. its edgy and its GREAT. twenty one pilots just sounds like they think theyre the shit.

also, and i want you to read the following sentence in a bass boosted voice to best understand how i feel when i say this:

the twenty one pilots cover of cancer is an embarrassment that completely misses the point of the original song and changed it into a weird amalgamation of lo-fi synth pop.

emo music is dead. thank u and goodnight.

#Anonymous

127 notes · View notes

scaryscarecrows · 5 years

Text

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.

#Jason Todd #Sheila Haywood #Harley Quinn #you knew this was coming #oh Jason I'm so sorry honey #one day you can have nice things #but not today #Roots and Leaves

10 notes · View notes

alittleranting · 6 years

Text

Yoonseok (Sope) Fanfic

So yeah hey see who had this on her laptop for almost a month and forgot to post it... So here you go, boo. @mysticalkpopper

You hear the rain pouring outside. Great.. really great, it's raining... What am I gonna do now? You'd planned to meet with your best friend Namjoon to have a BBQ. His little brother Jungkook and his best friend Taehyung also wanted to join you. But the guys were whining about the rain and cancelled it. Now you're just sitting in your living room, starring out of the window and whining yourself.. You let out a deep sigh and fall onto your sofa. You closed your eyes and think about that party you read about on a flyer. Initially you didn't wanted to go but it's your best option at this point. At least something you could look forward to. You decided to call your sister, maybe she has some time to come over. You dial her number: "Dawon?"

"Hey Hoseok, what's up?" "The guys cancelled and now I'm bored... Wanna come over?" "Sorry, but no I have to work the late shift today.. " "How come? You never have the late shift, unless..." "Bingo. My coworker bailed out because he wanted to go to a stupid party." "I actually thought of going to on myself..." "Mh ok, have fun then. Listen I have to go back to work but tomorrow I'll come over ok?" "Sure, see ya." "Bye." Dawon ended the call and you put your phone back on the coffee table. Another deep sigh leaves your mouth. You get up and drag yourself into the bathroom. A hot shower is probably the right thing with that unpleasant weather. After you finished you waddle to your bedroom. Still naked you stay in front of your closet. The hell should I wear? I have just too many clothes.. Yikes. Ripped jeans, a green button shirt and your new Balenciaga shoes probably will do it. It was still pretty early so you just put on your clothes and sat back down on your sofa. You scrolled through social media when you get a text from Namjoon.

"Hey Hobi what are you doing?" "Nothing really. I dressed up and think of going to that big party later. U?" "I went to a friend because he wanted my advice on his clothes. Guess he wants to go to the same party. But his type of clothes really aren't my style so I cant really say anything...." "Haha need my help?" "Technically yes but I can't just take pictures of him and send them to you.." "I mean TECHNICALLY you could." "Hobi you know I don't do stuff like that!" "Yeah yeah I get it. Then have fun playing dress up." "Thanks...."

Pfft.. Joon can play dress up with someone but won't grill a fucking steak with me. Guess I have to life with a fake ass bitch as my best friend. AND then he doesn't even send me pictures of that boy. Like come on maybe he has a cute ass.. I WANNA SEE!!!! Damn lucky noone can read your mind.. Your dramatic ass would be so embarrassed.

You take a look on your watch. In a while you could start walking to the location. You would still be one of the first there but then you can get a seat at the bar. You went into the bathroom to put on light make up and check yourself out for the last time. Grabbing your wallet, phone and keys you leave your apartment. You let google maps guide you too your destination and to your suprise there already is a queue. Nontheless you didn't have to wait long. You show your ID to the bouncer and get to enter the club. The room is huge and just a few people stand there in groups and are talking. The music isn't really loud yet so the atmosphere is rather relaxed. Just as planned you got a seat at the bar. You settled in and ordered a beer. After your third beer the club was pretty full, all those people were enjoying themselfs but you sat there alone. You started regretting coming on your own but after today you didn't wanted to mope anymore. Hesitantly you scoot down from the bar stool and make your way to the dance floor. As you start moving with the rhythm you feel you're in your element and lose yourself in the music. You don't even know for how long you danced when your bladder practicly screams at you. You drank six beer by now and your tolernace isn't high at all so you're pretty dizzy and waver to the restroom. Once you're there you look in the mirror. "Wow I look tousled." "Nah, you look pretty cute." A guy you didn't know showed up behind you and playfully slapped your ass while winking at you. He scared the shit out of you and you almost wet yourself. At the pissoir you bump into the guy next to you and murmer a 'Sorry' to him while making eye contact but your eyes didn't stay up there. They wander down to his dick. Mh not bad. Maybe a little small but definitly average.. I could make that work! The dude next to you eyes you. He's clearly uncomfortable with you checking him out BUT you couldn't care less right now. Finally relieved you go and wash your hand. You leave the restroom but not without checking yourself out a last time and fixing your hair. You decide it's better to take it slow so you return to the bar, take a seat again and order a glass of water to clear your mind. Moments later the barkeeper gives you your water and presents you 2 shots along side. "I DIDN'T ORDER SHOTS!" The bartender points to the other side of the bar. You follow his direction and see a young woman. Your eyes meet and she smiles gently at you. Not knowing what you should do you nod to her in appreciation and take a sip of your water. You listen to the music for a while but nothing they're playing at the moment sounds familiar to you. Suddenly you feel a hand on your shoulder, as you turn around it's the pretty girl. "Don't you like liquor?" "WHAT?" "DON'T YOU LIKE LIQUOR?" She pointed to the shots that still set next to your glass. "I DO BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET SUPER DRUNK." "YOU DON'T SEEM REALLY SOBER TO ME." She laughed and took both shots in her hand, handing you one. She clinks the glasses and downs her shot. You follow her. "I'M HOSEOK." "NICE TO MEET YOU. I'M YEEUN." She held out her hand and you shook it. "THANKS FOR THE DRINK. Do you wANNA DANCE?" "DANCE?" "YEAH. YOU WANNA?" You got up and looked at her curious. She shrugged her shoulders and followed you into the dancing crowd. You two had some fun dancing together but at some point she started grinding against you. You try backing up a bit but get shoved into her by the jumping people around you. Yeeun gets really touchy and you feel uneasy. "LISTEN YOU'RE CUTE BUT YOU'RE NOT QUITE... MY TYPE." "I'M CUTE?" Her eyes shimmer and it seems like she wanted to kiss you but you step back and push her gently aside. You rush away from the crowd into the restroom and lock yourself into a cabine. Damn that was weid.I never really attract women so how the hell did that happen!? You take a deep breath and left the room just to see Yeeun waiting in the doorframe for you. "Why you ran away? Wanted to lure me into the restroom? Naughty." "Listen! I don't like girls ok?" "Wait what?" "I'm gay!" "Eum..." Her face turned really red and she left without saying anything else. Puh.. that was awkward... Am I always that weird with people? No, that's not possible, right? I can't recall ever having such a problem with a guy. As you were cought up in your thoughts something else came to your mind. Yeeun spreed the idea in you to also look for someone. You already saw some cute boys and if it wasn't for your bladder you could have been the pray of the guy in the restroom, maybe you can find him again. Walking through the mass you scan the people for someone who seems like a nice match for tonight. After a while you felt like sobering up so you thought getting back to the bar was the best shot for now. You felt like wasting your time, sure you had had some fun but suddenly lying in bed and watching an episode of Adventure Time sounds very temping. You emtied your forth glass and decide that it's time for you to go home. Once again you move through the people heading for the door but before you could reach it a guy walks in. He's wearing tight leather pants and a cute crop top revealing a belly button piercing which matches his earings. He's really cute and the first thing that comes to your mind is: "DIBS!" The guy you were reffering to looks at you with a mixture of suprise and pride. Just then you realized that you didn't thought but spoke it out loud. Your cheeks got flashing red. You wanted to leave the scenery so badly but the guy you dibsed still stood there blockig your way. You ran as fast as possible into the crowed aiming for the restroom to lock you up. You were panicking and the first person you thought of was Namjoon, you needed his help. You figet with your phone needing quite some time to unlock it and finding Namjoons chat. Guess I wasn't sobering up, just thirsty for more liquor. I'm drunk as hell. "Namjoon!!!!!!!!" "I fked up!1!!!!" "Im rlly druk n I yelled dibs at that hot guy that entrt the club.........." "Help!!!!!!!!!!!!" Namjoon didn't take long to reply. After seeing a dozend of cry-laughing smileys he actually send a text message. "Calm down, everything's alright. Yoongi just texted me literally the same, bragging about the fact that his outfit was hot and that some random dude yelled dibs at him." "YOU KNOW HIM!?!????!" "Yes I know him. I told you I helped a friend with his outfit for a night out. That was him. Just talk to him. You can even say that you know me or do you want me to text him for you?" "NO!! Pls dont! Ill tak to him." "OK, have fun, Hobi. And just so you know it: He's gay and on the hunt. ;D" You put your phone away and lean against the closed door. You close your eyes and try to foces. What should I say? How can.. Your thoughts got disturbed by a knocking on the door. "You in there?" "Wh-who's there?" "The guy you just dibsed. Wanna collect your price?" Not thinking twice you rip open the door and just look at the guy who's named Yoongi. "What?" "I mean you called dibs, you look good, so here I am." You still don't move and just look at him with wide eyes. Yoongi sighs and grabs your hand, you don't resist and move along with him to the bar. You refuse to drink more liquor but Yoongi downs 3 shots. "By the way I'm Yoongi." "I know, Namjoon told me about you." "Huh? You know him?" "He's my best friend." "Ahhh you're Hoseok." "He told you about me?" "Of course. Although I'm hurt he never introduced us." "Mh maybe he had his resons. Do you dance?" "No." "But-" "I said no." "Why so stern?" "I- I can't dance." "Have you seen all those people? You really call that dancing? That's just body wiggling." You show him your bright, heart shaped smile and laugh about your own words. Yoongi just smiles at you with gentle eyes. "You know, you seem like a fun guy. Maybe it would be ok to try dancing with you." This time you're the one grabing Yoongi's hand and nevigate him to the dance floor. You start moving your body once again to the rhythm not taking your eyes of Yoongi who just stands there awkwardly. You grab his hand and spin him around until he's laughing. He sounds cute. You put your hands on Yoongis waist because he was dizzy and stumbling all over the place. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" "YES. Yes." He seemed to relax beause he started dancing again on his own and you joined him. After a while you grew confident and searched for more body contact. You scoot closer to him and lay your arms around him grinding against his ass. Suddenly you stopped your movement having a deja vu. Just as you wanted to make some space between you two you realize that he leaned into your embrace and moves along side with you. Probably wondering why you stopped moving Yoongi turned around and looked at you with a puzzled expression. You scan his facial features, the soft lips that form a pout, his dark eyes that search for an answer regarding your behavior, the cute nose, his heavy but decent looking make up. You didn't know what came over you but you cupped his face and pressed your lips against his. Yoongi widened his eyes but he didn't pull away. He slung his arms around your neck and traces his tounge over your lips searching for access. You part your lips and let your tounge play with his, due to the alcohol he tastes sweet and bitter at the same time. Lost in each other you just stand there kissing each other. Your hands wander down and grab his ass which feels squishy although he's wearing those tight pants. Yoongi suddenly breaks the kiss. "LET'S GO." With that he starts walking towards the exit and you trail behind him. Once you two are outside Yoongi reconnect your lips. In a short break he whispers into your ear: "Your place or mine?" "Ehm..." Fuck... fuck fuck FUCK. Should I go home with him? Or take him with me? Should I even at all!? I know I wanted to 'hunt' but know that it's at that point I'm not sure. Should I? Your head was spinning. All those thoughts rush through your head and the fresh air just makes everything spin even more. "Hey, are you alright?" "No, I don't feel so good." "Damn should I call you a cab?" "No no it's fine, I'll walk home." "Are you sure?" "Ye-" You couldn't finish your sentence because you vomited. "Sorry.. I can't take alcohol well." "I see..." Yoongi moved away some steps and pulled out his phone. "Hey Joon it's me. You think you could pick up Hobi? He's pretty drunk and I don't want to put him into a cab. - Yes? - OK. - Alright, I'll wait. - Yes, see ya." "OK, Namjoonie is gonna pick you up." "As I heared... Thank you." "No problem." Yoongi trudges around in a circle, repeatedly blowing air in and out of his right cheek. After what felt like eternity Namjoon arrived and put you into the car. "Thanks for looking after him, Yoongs. Should I take you home?" "Nah, I'm fine. I guess I just go back into the club." "OK, see ya." "Bye."

You see Yoongi vanish into the building while you try to smile at Namjoon but it came of more as a sad grin. Namjoon took a deep breath and shook his head. "What were you thinking Hobi? You know you don't take alcohol well.." "I know..." "You're lucky Yoongi knows me, who knows what could have happend." "I know..." He sighs and manoveurs you onto the backseat. You plomp down and curl into a ball. Namjoon gets into the drivers seat and brings you home. Once at your doorstep he pulls your keys out of your backpocket and even brings you to your bedroom. "Can I leave you alone or should I stay with you?" "No it's fine. I'll just lay down and sleep." You let yourself fall face forward into the mattress. You feel how Namjoon takes off your shoes and throws a blanket over you. "I wait until you fall asleep." "Thanks Joonie." "Of course." The bed bunks down beside you and you feel his hand caressing your back and ruffling your hair. Immediately you drift into a deep slumber. When you wake up the next day you take a look at the clock. It's the middle of the day and you kind of want to turn around and sleep some more but you're grossed out by your own smell. Alcohol, sweat and smoke - the holy trinity of a clubs smell. You rise your heavy feeling body from the bed and undress, on your way to the bathroom you grab a fresh pair of boxers and a cozy sweater. Finally under the shower you start to relax. The warm water pouring over your body seems to wash away your sever headache. At least a little bit of it. Now that your head is somewhat clearer you start to think of the previous night. You face palm yourself and lean against the cool tiles behind you. Oh god what the fuck did I do last night... I have to ask Namjoon for Yoongis number so I can apologize or maybe I just should make sure to never see him again so I can't embarrass myself even more.. You finish your shower, quickly dress up and your first instict is to call your sister. "Dawon, where are you?" "I'm on my way to you. Why, do you need anything?" "No. I'm just... stressed." "Tell me, I can hear it in your voice. But I have to rumble some myself so prepare some tea, it's gonna be a long ted talk!" "Oh- ok." Before you knew it she already hung up. You made the tea and didn't have to wait any longer for her to knock. You ripped open the door and fall into her arms, hugging her tight. "Dawooooon... I messed up big times... It's so embarrassing." "Stop whining. When you're like this I almost forget I'm younger then you." "But -" "No but. Just sit on yours and drink your tea. I give you some time to calm down. In the meanwhile just listen to me because otherwise I'm going crazy because of my coworker! I mean yeah he's pretty funny when you know him and he sometimes is a real weirdo but boy.. oh boy you have no fucking clue how annoying he can be. If something happened to him he's going to talk about it FOREVER. If it was something bad he pouts all day and whines about it and if it was something positive he's going to brag about it. But the worst is if both happend. Like something good tuning bad. For example today he was just sitting in the corner not really working saying he was "too upset" because this really cute guy from yesterday messed up or some shit. I didn't even listen. If Yoongi continues like this I'm seriously going to kill him." "Yoongi!?" "Yeah Yoongi, my coworker. Do you know him?" "No. Nononono. NO! Just no." "Hobi what the hell is your problem?" "That's the guy from yesterday.." "What do you mean?" "I'm the one who messed up. I'm the dude he's talking about!" "Wait WHAT?" "I told you I wanted to go to that party and he -Damn it makes sense you even told me your coworker wanted to go to that party..." "Oh god what happened?" "I kinda made out with him, wanted to take him home and vomited in front of him..." "No you didn't." "Yes I did." "Oh my fucking god." "Yup.." "But look at the bright side. You at least made enough of an impression to him so he whines about it to me." "I really don't see anything positive about that." "Didn't you listen to me earlier? He called you cute and was sad that that happened because he really wanted to go home with you." "You think so?" "Yes. Because, like I said, he wouldn't shut up about it." "And now?" "What do you mean 'and now'? You'll fucking talk to him and grab that ass." "Dawon! What the fuck?" "What? I'm maybe younger then you but I'm not an innocent child. Shocking news: I already had sex." "Dawoooon... I know that but I honestly don't wanna think about it." "God, I'll give you his number and you text him." "I don't want to." "Why? You just wanna handle it as a failed flirt? You know the chances of meeting him again aren't that small." "OK... Give me his number. I'll think about it." "Good." Dawon gave you Yoongis number, you drank your now cold tea and talked a little more. The day went by fast and it was already evening again. You texted Namjoon also asking him for advice how to handle the situation but he also just suggested you to talk it out or actually ignore it and hope to never meet him again. You spend the night thinking a lot before you go to sleep.

Almost a whole week past since the night you were out and you still hadn't texted Yoongi. Dawon as well as everyone else around you who by now knew about it teased you. You were almost sure at this point even Yoongi had heared about your stupid behavior. You just came home from work and sat infront of your food. You took your phone out, opened the still empty chat with Yoongi and started typing. "Hi here is Hoseok, the guy from the party last week." You paused and read the sentence again and again, the deleted it. No that sounds stupid... You start typing again. "Hello, I don't know if you remember me but I'm the dude who wanted to fuck you and RUINED IT BECAUSE I FUCKING VOMITED!!!!!!!!!" Yeah really subtile.. definitly perfect.. Damn what should I say.. You deleted it again and took a deep breath. "Hi here is Hoseok. I got your number from my sister, Dawon. Seems like you guys are working together. I wanted to apologize for fucking up. I really can't handle alcohol well. Would be awsome if we could meet up again. Sober this time." You hit send so you wouldn't overthink everything again although you regreted it instantly. OK, now we have to wait and hope for the best. Almost immeditaly your phone was vibrating. "Took you long enough to text me. If you want we can meet up. Mh Dawon.. now that I think about t you two do look very similar. Where do you wanna meet?" OK his text was kinda rude and all over the place but sure... I don't know where.. how about the when? "Yeah I guess we do. I don't have a special place in mind but let's start with the fact when we could meet up." "How about right now?" "OK?" "Good. Meet me in 2 hours at the new mall in the city center." OK.. ok.. okokok don't panic you can do that! Yes you can. I just need to change my clothes. You ran into your bedroom, throughing your working clothes into a corner and standing there once again with a puzzled look, not knowing what to wear. You look for almost 30 minutes before you go with shorts and an oversized white shirt that you tuck in in the front. Before you rush out you put tennis socks, a cap and some random shoes on and grab your essentials. oyu arrive just in time and see Yoongi already standing there at the front door. He seems even smaller then the last time because he's wearing a wide hoodie and skinny, ripped jeans. If he wouldn't have looked into your direction you almost wouldn't have recognized him because the bucket hat he's wearing covers almost his entire face. You approach him with a big smile but he doesn't react. he just sips from the coffee he's holding. "Hi?" "Hey." "I just wanted to say sorry again. I was gross." "It's fine. Shit happens." Yoongi waves his hand, symbolizing you should follow him, what you do. You goes inside the huge building. "My coffee is almost empty. Do you mind if we go grab a new one?" "No sure." You weren't familiar with the building therefore you just trailed behind Yoongi. Both of you didn't say anything. You got nervouse because you asked for this meet up but now it's just kinda awkward. Lost in your thoughts you bump into Yoongi who came to an holt. "Watch your step." "Oh yeah sorry." You look into his face and you think you see him smile a little while he shakes his head in disbeliefe. He orders an Iced Americano while you just grab a bottle of Sprite from the little fridge. Yoongie pays for both your drinks and trails off again. You murmer a thank you and follow him silently. Yoongi walked to a little bench and set down. You two just set there sipping from your beverage. Almost 20 minutes pass when you finally say something. "Soo... Why did you want to meet here if we're just sitting around? Wouldn't a café been more effective?" "Mh. I like the coffee here. I don't visit places I'm not familiar with." "But at some point this place also was unknown to you, wasn't it?" "Mh yeah." "See so you do had to try it first. Wanna be crazy and actually go around the mall?" "You mean strolling around and buying useless stuff? No thanks." "Oh come on." You stood up and held your hand out. When Yoongi wouldn't take it you took his hand yourself and interwind your fingers. "Come on grandpa. Let's have some fun." Yoongi didn't answer but he didn't seem to complain either. When you looked at him to find out what his mood was you saw him starring at the floor. He was trying to shield his face with his hat to hide the fact he was smiling. You thought it was so adorable that he's that shy. After searching for a while you found a little store that had decor and accessoires. You dragged Yoongi inside and let go of his hand to rummage through the shelves. On a little stand in one corner there was a little pink plastice crown, you grabed it and got back to Yoongi. You snatched his hat away and replaced it with the crown. He glared at you and made his infamous pout that Dawon told you about. You couldn't help it but melt. You cup his face and coe at him. "Oh my life you're sooo cute." At a loss of words Yoongi got all shy and blushed like furious. Not thinking about it you kissed him straight away. He melted into your embrance and slung his arms around you. You two got down from cloud 9 when you heared someone behind you. "Ew damn faggots, kissing where everyone can see it. Disgusting." Yoongi looked shocked and didn't seem to dare saying something. You on the other side grew brave when you're angry. "Your face is also disgusting and nontheless do you walk around in public were everyone can see you. So as long as you don't walk around with a paperbag on your head, I'm gonna kiss whoever wherever I want." Grabing Yoongis hand again you turn around and stumb away. You aimed for the exit when Yoongi suddenly stopped you. As you turnt around you saw him pointing to the top of his head. Just then you realized he was still wearing the crown and neither of you payed for it. Luckily there seemed no price tag to be on it or something that could have activated the alarm of the store. You just stood there not knowing what to do when Yoongi started laughing. You hadn't heared him laugh so far and it was contagious. "Damn ok, I give up. You're right I should try new stuff more often. That was fun. I mean did you see the face of that dude? He didn't expect that comeback tho. Damn Hoseok you're cool." Now you're the blushing one and you just smile at him. Yoongi stepped unexpectedly close to you and almsot whispered to you. "Say, do you want to continue were we left off?" "Are you seriously asking that? Of course!" "Then let me ask again: Your place or mine?" "I live almost an hour away from here so probably your place." "I actually also live quite far away.." "Mh.. up to some more new things?" "What do you mean?" You looked around for your destination and quickly found it. "Just follow me." You didn't expect it but Yoongi willingly took your hand in his and interwind your fingers again. He was blushing a little bit and you wanted to kiss him so badly that you hurry to get to the area where the toilets are. You go in the one for disabled people because it's a single stall and further away from the main area then the normal ones. Once both of you were inside and the door was lockes you pin Yoongi against the wall and kis him passionatly. His lips are increadible soft and his body pressed against yours feels just too good. You put one of your legs between his to fixate him in that position but Yoongi uses the opportunity to grind himself on your leg. While your lips were still connected soft moans slip past his mouth. As he was stimulating hisself you feel your own lenght hardening. Seeing Yoongi enjoying himself turns you on. You let one hand wander down to cup his ass while you slide the other on up his hoodie andplay with his nipples. It takes only a few flicks to make him fully moan. He then drops down on the floor pulling your pants down with one swift move, revealing your throbing cock. He pumps his hand up and down and licks over the tip of your dick. Soon enough he replaces his hands with his mouth, sucking you off. "Oh fuck, You're really good." You press his head down and rock your hips forth and back. Yoongi seemed to be encouraged because he bobbs his head even faster on your dick. You were lost in the feeling of his warm and wet mouth around you when Yoongi pulled away. He slid his own pants down. "Please fuck me!" He doesn't have to ask you twice for that. You lift him up and place him on the sink. You shove two fingers in his mouth. "Lube them." While Yoongi sucks on your fingers and lets his tounge play around your fingertips you stroke his little cock.Once your fingers were wet enough you glide both of them into his ass. He grabs onto your arms and inhales deeply. You scissor his ass open, you wanted to be rough with him but not too harsh. Soon Yoongis insides were clenching around your fingers in the hope for more. That's when you replace your fingers with your cock. Yoongi moaned loud and arched his back when you entered him. You placed a hand on his mouth and hold his other hand while you push your whole lenght in. Once you were fully burried inside him you slowly start moving. Fully out and back in. You want him to feel every inch of you filling him up. After a few more thrusts Yoongi closed his legs behind you pushing you deeper. "God dammit, stop teasing and fuck me already!" "As you wish, your majesty." Yoongi was flustered but didn't take down his crown. You kissed him to keep him muffled while your hips thrust into him fast and deep. Yoongi pulls at your hair to keep you as close as possible, enjoying your embrance. The small room fills with hot air and both of you start sweating. Longing for better excess you decide to put Yoongi down and shove him face forward into the wall; fucking him from behind. You play with his niplles and watch his small penis twitch with every delecate touch of yours. You feel the tention building up inside you, so you place your arm around his waist pulling him closer and holding him by his throat pushing his head onto your shoulder while you increase your pace. You can see Yoongis eyes roling back into his head and nothing more then a pleasured whimmer escapes his mouth. You grunt into his ear. "Do you like being fucked like that little prince?" Because Yoongi didn't answer you stopped your movement. He's being needy and trys to move on his own but you hold im thight in place. "Answer me." You place a sweet kiss on his forhead. "Yes. Yes, I love how you fuck me. Please don't stop!" Satisfied with his words you pick up your speed and thrust relentlessly into Yoongi until you come inside him. His warm walls milk your cok and he himself came almost untouched. Yoongi made a mess on the tiles infront of him. He turns around kisses you eagerly. "Wow, we definitly need to do that again in the future." "We can repeat that as often as you want. I would glady fuck your fine ass again." Feeling playful you wink at him and show him a bright smile. Yoongi hits you soft and laughs himself. "You're an idiot." "If you agree on seeing me more often, I may be your idiot someday." "Mh.. you know, I actually kinda like the idea of that."

21 notes · View notes

kookmint · 5 years

Note

If I'm being honest I didn't vote for Fake Love for SOTY. I voted for Shoot Out. It's not that I don't think Fake Love deserves to win, and I know it would mean the world to them, but honestly, it's not my favorite song of theirs. Plus, they're gonna win so many awards this year probably, and I think it'd be cool if Monsta X got some of that love too. It's really annoying when people parade around calling out fans and deciding by themselves that that person isn't worthy to be in a fan base.

So like I stated before, yes, vote for whoever you’d like! Its absolutely your right! But please try to vote for the song you really truly love! Not just because “theyre going to win so many awards anyways”. It makes it sound like charity. If you believe FL deserves that title, I mean vote for it, even if they will win many awards after it. All I’m saying is just try to keep your intentions pure! At the end of the day it’s whoever you wanna go for but just keep that in mind~ And yeah im really tired of people attacking others for being a “multi” or not streaming or not buying albums cause they can’t afford to. Since when do we care THIS deeply about #’s that we attack our own people...

anon said: Not surprised lol you can't say you like a song by another Korean artist bc some armys attack you saying that u're fake army or they tell you to listen to the song illegally or see their mv on vlive not to give them views bc you know, if you do this it's "stream" to them. So many dumb things... just enjoy the music.

Pretty much. Idk when this “pureblood” movement started but its only brought disgusting attitudes and a platform to ridicule anyone who doesnt follow b*s to the death. Like you said, enjoy the music!

anon said: I totally agree with you on your answer😤 i think some newer fans who have not been here since 2015 may find it difficult to understand that and that's sad

HNGGG i try not to separate “new” and “old” but it seems like a lot of new people who are unfamiliar with kpop have a deeprooted hatred for it or are embarrassed by it (or afraid of being made fun of for liking kpop) that they attack any group that isn’t them and try to strip them of part of their identity (aka kpop????)

anon said: liking songs have never been this complicated ;_____; if i dont like the song despite they're my fave group, i dont like it period. i can vote other song which probably deserves better recognition? jeez kpoppies need to go outside, take a deep breath and find new hobbies jshshs

forreal? like my song likes are no one else’s business. you dont see us trying to force them to change their likes? and yeah i don’t like EVERY single b*s song (aka i literally only have like 5 that i dont like of the hundreds they put out so thats fair lol). Vote for a song that deserves the title*** !! i swear some people just sit on their computers all day and spew hatred

anon said: I agree with everything you've been saying! people just need to think more rationally about voting. At the end of the day it's important, yes, but there's no need to guilt-trip fans for voting other than for the boys. I, personally, did not vote for them in every single category they were nominated in because I follow a lot of groups and their journeys. Sometimes it's nice to let other groups take the limelight! In saying that though if people feel they deserve all the votes then that's fine too

Yes exactly, the guilt-tripping needs to stop. These people are not allowed to control others. And thats totally fine! You follow groups and you know how hard theyve worked and you know their journey! but no no no, its not about “letting other groups have the spotlight” its about voting for the song or album or artist you believe truly fits the description of the award! Try to avoid pity votes~ you know in your heart who you believe deserves it!

anon said: There was a loonarmy alliance that lasted a day and then it was ended cause armys had sticks up their ass. "They're only benefiting from us." No Susan, didn't your mother teach you manners?

how come armys have no issue forming an alliance with western fandoms smaller than ours but when its a kpop fandom smaller than ours they are like FUCK YOU. It makes no sense, it circles back to them hating kpop lol. why cant people go a day without fighting, this isnt fuckin economics its about keeping the peace dammit

anon said: Love Scenario is gonna win SOTY anyways so y’all can keep fighting each other all you want, it don’t matter 😘

completely unneeded, you completely missed the point of this discourse, kindly fuck off. this is the crap that starts fights LOL

anon said: I'm gonna be completely honest here and say that there's no other song worthy of soty than love scenario. And I'm a Hard core army. Like, the way love scenario took sk by storm really isn't comparable to what fake love did. I love bts, I really really do, but I say love scenario was a nation fave, whereas fake love was really just an army fave. You don't have to agree obvs but that's just my humble onion

and that is your opinion, yes! but remember a lot of people will not think the same exact thing as you dear, that’s how life is~ so vote vote vote for what ya believe in and lets just see what happens ^-^

#TOPIC CLOSED [!!!!!]#anon #Anonymous

11 notes · View notes

mandie-june · 5 years

Text

Anyone else???

For a very long time now, I have settled on the fact that I will never be happy. I have happy moments, sure. But to actually say that I am "happy with life" is something that I dont think I will ever say. It's been there for a very long time and the more I took a step back from me, and started viewing myself in second person, essentially watching and observing my surroundings and how things interact with my life, even when I am not looking that way (think in terms of video games where your character doesnt see people creeping up, but YOU do yourself), the more I started putting pieces together.

It's so easy to blame my depression, anxiety, skepticism but even with that people will say "talking to someone helps" or "get medication." Heres the problem: I dont have people who care enough to listen and to help for free. Which also means I dont have money for medication (and I dont like how I feel (or rather dont feel?) when I take them. Working as a delivery driver pays the bills, and that's about it.

"So go get a new job." Easy, right? Well, not so much. I can get a new job, but this generation, if you dont have a bachelor's degree / 30 years experience then good luck. So I'm left with pretty much retail and food. What happens when I get a new job? I start off nervous, fake confidence. Then I gain the confidence that I learned how to do my job without help. I'm "happy". But it only lasts a few months before I get bored and when I get bored, I get irritable. I start noticing things people do and question why they can get away with it. The bored routine hits and I'm back in the hole. I dont want to job hop because not only does it look bad on paper, but it's also bad for myself because once that becomes routine, when I have to start looking for a new job, itll cause a whole 'nother sort of unhappiness, annoyances, and anxiety that turns to frustrations. Mostly because I'm stuck with retail or food and my interview / hire rate is probably around 10% if I'm lucky. Pop that in with depression and the feelings you're not good enough, and you've got yourself a very sad meal for one. (I am VERY aware of myself and can see how certain choices will play out and how it would affect me)

Growing up, watching everyone and everything happen from the outside in (or from the inside out, a trapped sense????) I've learned a LOT. I can see when my depression is coming, I can see when people are lying or don't care (and I pretend to not know but Holy fuck do I know), I even know why I feel the way I feel. But my issue is this: I dont know why.

I know why I will never be happy with life. But I also cant change that because I dont have the money because I dont have a good job, because I dont have a high education (just associates in arts and science), because I dont have money.

See? It is a vicious cycle.

I firmly believe that I am a product of society and how something can deeply affect an individual. I cant say it's bad in its entirety because it has lead me to become a more thoughtful person (always questioning, wanting to know) but not all thoughts are positive. This whole post being a HUGE example.

I've accepted it as far as I know I will never be happy, but theres a part of me that is sitting in the corner saying, "that's not fair." I have no desire for hobbies, because just like the job situation, it's fun at first, then it's just... pointless. It has no meaning. Why am I doing this puzzle? What purpose in life does that give me? Why am I drawing when I know I'm not good and always stop before I'm done? Why try to play an instrument when I'm not going to make money by playing it?

That is another huge factor in my life. Nothing has a purpose. Why should I spend my day off doing nothing when I could use that time to make money? But I dont really have anything that I NEED and when I do buy something with recreational purpose, I feel guilty because after so long, it just gathers dust. But I deserve a day off, I work most every day. But I dont work very hard at all. Maybe giving 60% on a great day, so I didnt earn a day to be lazy.

I guess long post short: I am constantly at battle with myself. I can see the positives, but a lot of the time, it's the negative that's speaking louder (I'm assuming my depression is acting like an amp) and I just shrug and go back to bed. Why? It's all pointless. Why do I want to go on dates when I know they just want sex and I'm not into having sex? Why do I want to be "vulnerable" in a relationship? That is like antagonizing a murderer, saying "betcha wont kill me!" It doesnt sound fun at all.

Maybe getting handed the short end of the stick has sucked all the potential I had, and instead of being where I was suppose to be, i have hit the opposite. Like maybe i was suppose to be a loving mom with the best marriage and job, and somewhere down the line, someone cursed me to have the knowledge and an understanding of what's going on around me, but I cant comprehend it. I understand... but what I dont understand is WHY I understand. I cant take that knowledge and put it to use. I can read the language, but I cant speak it.

I really have been struggling to try to find the answer as to why I feel this way. I feel helpless, but at the same time, I know why I feel and think the way I do. But I dont know why I know -- and I want to.

People say that it's the little things that count. I honestly do believe that, and while I dont expect much out of people / life anymore, the few things that I hold near and dear are literally the strands I hold onto. And when those strands break, I fall so deep and then everything just falls on top of me.

I am aware of my situation. I am knowledgeable about why I feel the way I do and how. What I dont know is WHY I am so aware. There is something out there for me, and through growing up, I feel as though I lost the piece. The one piece that was going to just make it all make sense. I had a wonderful purpose in life, and someone took it away because it had to have been something damn special to make me feel so lost without it.

#depression #long post #text post #mental disorder #mental health #psychology #help

1 note · View note

masterturner · 5 years

Text

long drawn out personal post

this is a bit stream of consciousness, so if you’re reading this and trying to make sense of it, im sorry. its okay if youd rather not. its a lot and its emotional labour to even read it probably. it’s been almost a year since the breakup now. every day closer to the anniversary of it, i feel a little more broken. i’ve had two suicide attempts since then, a prolonged IOP thing, and i no longer see a therapist (though i really should start again). im not crying about borderline personality disorder though. this is all breakup shit. still. im still holding together somehow. i dont really know how, some days. ive gone through the whole cycle of grieving multiple times now, cycling again and again through denial and bargaining and all that, ‘til i reach acceptance and think the hurricane is at its end. then i find i’m just in the eye of the storm, and it’ll soon pass as i get caught up in the winds again. then i do the whole cycle over and over again. thats what the therapists in the IOP said it was. a grieving process. you can grieve the terminus of a relationship the same way you grieve a dead person. it sounds so silly when i make that comparison. they also said that progress and healing are nonlinear and that it’s not really necessarily going to be as simple as passing through the grieving process a single time. i said it sounds silly. its not silly though. its real, and i have to remind myself of that from time to time. i dont usually talk about anything personal on here, and its a little weird that im doing it now. but i guess im doing it because i dont know where else to do it. i could do it on facebook, but it feels attention-grabby, needy in a way i always feel weird being. doing it here under a little ‘read more’ thing feels less obtrusive and private, but not so private that im completely trapped in my own skull again. i hate feeling trapped in my own skull. the anxiety bubbled up and got bad again pretty constantly. it got that way tonight. i felt my heart race while i tried to sleep. usually the worst points stemmed from me looking my ex up and seeing how their life was progressing along without me. unlike me, my ex has a drive and interest in the performance of social media that i generally lack. my social media experience begins and ends in shallow ways: i look at cute butts on tumblr, reblog dumb memes and get vague impressions of things going on in the world and such through the sometimes nonsensical things other people reblog. thats about it. my ex, though, shes the kind of person that does things like update her facebook profile picture at least once in a 6 month period, unlike yours truly. i dont even follow her or have her friended anymore on facebook. heaven forbid i had an instagram to see what kind of stuff was going on there. it always got the worst when i saw her with her new SO. now i get to look at that every time i get the nerve to message her. its literally painful to even look to the extent i have to archive or delete every stray line of text we send to one another afterward. i was seriously in denial - i talked myself into believing the SO wasnt an obstacle, wasnt a big deal, he was just a rebound and it didnt invalidate me. it didnt make me lesser, and it didnt mean that i was being replaced. after all, what stranger can replace 5 years of memories and experiences together? but i was a rebound too, and that led to a deep and intense relationship. why couldnt it this time too? i was naive, i think. hopeful and naive, and i really wanted to believe this and that. ‘i know her’ i’d tell myself. ‘i know her, and i know she wouldn’t think this’ or ‘she wouldn’t do this’. but it’s wishful thinking. maybe a part of me always did know better. maybe i stopped listening to that part of my own psyche because i started to recognize how harmful it was. it’s kind of messed up how that works though? like... you can be happy with someone, but also be terrified of that day when they realize they can do better. and then it becomes a sort of twisted, fucked-up self-fulfilling prophecy because that thought sucks the life and passion out of you. it’s insidious and slow. and it’s tempting to look at it like ‘i was right all along, everyone will leave me’, but that’s not really how it necessarily is. thats just the trauma talking, the fear, the part of my mind that’s lazy and resigned to suffering and collapse. it was that fear that made it real. maybe if i’d learned to manage that fear, though, things could have been different. would have been different. it’s pointless to speculate on that though. the reason i say it isnt to speculate though, it’s because im trying to remind myself that it can apply to right now. the friendships and relationships i have now - few and far between as they may be, stretched thin as they may be, damaged and in dire need of repair as they may be - aren’t doomed to failure just because i’m afraid of loss and abandonment. the collapse doesnt have to be inevitable. maybe talking like i’ve learned and figured something out from all this will make me feel better. maybe believing it all had a purpose will make it feel like it was worth it. eventually. right now, though, it doesnt. i’m still so upset. i’m still miserable and i still long for things i can’t have. i miss affection. i miss being touched, even in a plain and nonsexual way. i miss being kissed and i miss being hugged. i miss being wanted, and every day i wonder if ill ever feel that again. and then i get to thinking, would it be enough to feel that from just anyone again? why do i feel so starved for... any kind of affection at all? why do i feel so desperate for something - anything like this? could anyone ever love me the way my ex did? i guess the cynical and plain answer to that is no, but thats okay. and maybe someone else can love me better. and maybe that desperate longing to be loved, cherished, cared about, touched, anything is just a symptom of an addiction that’s yet to pass. kind of a cold and clinical way to put it though, and i dont know if thats really me. yet i dont want someone else because its not enough to just have anyone. my ex left me, and now i still have that feeling of being invalidated, devalued, abandoned, and ultimately replaced. even if someone else came along and professed undying love for me, no matter how i welcomed it, that feeling of being tossed aside would remain. and i dont know how to come back from it. i hate how much my mind... fixates on it. like... everything makes me think of it. i cant make a status on facebook without wondering if my ex will see it, what she might think. i cant leave my house and go somewhere without wondering, what if my ex sees me? what would she think of what im doing? would she approve, or be proud of me? would it impress her? or would it disappoint her? it saps the joy out of almost everything i do. i cant watch an old show without feeling bad im watching it without her. i cant help but wonder if she feels the same, or if shes gotten over it. and a part of me doesnt want to know the answer to that wonder. does she still listen to mili? coheed? does she listen to ‘old flames’ on repeat like i do? when ‘sweater weather’ comes on, does she think of me or someone else? even now as i write this, i wonder if my ex still stops to peer at my dumb blog from time to time for a hint of how im doing and what im thinking. and i dont even know if id want to know, because seeing this message in that light casts a pall over it that makes me feel sick. i didnt want my ex to see how not okay i am. i didnt want her to see the part of me that feels so sick still. and i dont want to know that she doesn’t look at this either. so here i am at an impasse, writing words and tossing them into the void of the internet, hoping for and expecting only silence, while also hating and fearing the very same. id like to think that maybe this is a sign i dont care anymore, but i think i know better than to really believe that. i force myself every day to just... not reach out. not say anything to her thats real or vulnerable - the few times ive talked to her it feels forced and fake. and it feels like ive cut off a limb, because im so used to leaning and relying on her. but i feel like i have to, because expecting that level of emotional labour from someone that has cut those ties with me seems silly and foolish... not to mention selfish. why? maybe a part of me thinks that by hiding it, i’d win her back someday. or maybe im just afraid of being burdensome and difficult. or maybe i just... genuinely do want her to be happy without me. i wish it was that last one. i wish i could just back off and be happy that shes with someone else that maybe will treat her good in a way that i couldnt, or didnt. i dont know what i want, though. i know what i dont want though. i know i hate feeling like this and i wish i could make it stop, but i cant. its not really getting easier. i had the borderline shit before this, and i could end up meeting the criteria my whole life for all i know. the breakup is just a massive complication in that whole mess, but i dont know if id even know what was wrong with me if i didnt have that relationship in the first place. there was a day a few days ago, or maybe a week or two ago (i dont remember) where i wanted to hurt myself (not physically though for whatever reason), and in order to do it, i made myself do something i was starting to break the habit of doing. i browsed her facebook profile and scoured it for anything that’d make it sting again. i succeeded - it didnt take much. a few pictures, a relationship status change, that was pretty much it. my mind filled in the blanks after that because of course it did. it snowballed into full blown catastrophizing. they’re probably madly in love. they’re probably moving in together, if they havent’ already done so. they’re probably making plans to get married. they’re probably this and that and this and that - like it matters. like it affects me somehow. but it doesnt. not really, not physically anyway. i dont have to look, and its like i hope not looking will make it hurt less. but not looking makes me hope, and hope has bred more hurt than anything else in the past year. since i last looked her up in that fog of need to hurt myself emotionally, a lot of that dreadful hope i had that i could win her back drained away, and i want to believe that the pain will go away now. i havent talked to her since then. i still think about her. i still dream. i still fear and i still wonder and reflect. but i havent talked to her. is that good? is it bad? is it anything other than what it is? does it matter? maybe someday ill be over this. a part of me yearns for that. and a part of me is afraid to ever let go, because what if love wins in the end and all the time we had together meant something after all? did it not mean anything if it didnt end up taking the shape i wanted it to take? no, it still meant something, but does that matter now? i dont know. all i know is that to this day it hurts and... that’s all. thats all i know. eleven months later and it still hurts. but i guess expecting it to be all better after 5 years of dating is a little unrealistic. i thought we were gonna be together forever. forever is a long time, though, i guess. she makes it look easy, but maybe it isnt for her either, even if she’s better at making it look a certain way. i have no way of knowing and thats maddening in its own way. if i had the ability to close that distance... hear her out, be there for her, could i do it? could i get over my own fear and hurt to build a connection again? id love to find out. but i cant seem to get that far. it doesnt matter though. its her life, and she has every right to move on without me. its easy to say ‘poor me’, but theres two sides to every story. a lot of pain that led up to the end. questions i still have that will never go answered, and closure i might not ever obtain. ctrl+a, delete, backspace. that’s all it’ll take, tyler. then maybe you can sleep. but no, instead you’re going to post this. for what? why? is it a cry for help? complaining for the sake of complaining? i dont know. i cant leave it all in my own head though. but the silence that i get back in response is liable to be deafening all the same

#do not reblog this

2 notes · View notes

savefurrykids · 6 years

Text

A message to Marsha “SinfulMarsh”

This was all typed out by @novalvirri

Thankers

@marshax-marshmallow is a horrible person. here is why.

Mystery is an adult character. I'm absolutely fucking certain that nobody has said this in any relation to you. """Don't talk about wanting to fuck furry characters?""" Since when did we say that, bitch? No really, when and where did we fucking say that. We didn't. You are making CHILD PORN. It's morally wrong and not to mention fucking ILLEGAL. Celebrities have nothing to do with this subject, neither do men and women or thicc people. We are talking about children. CHILDREN. THAT YOU KEEP SEXUALIZING KNOWING ITS BAD.You're just adding irrelevant bullshit to make yourself sound like the victim and correct one here. That's sad.

Now for the more proper responses!

"Dont talk about wanting to fuck anything, fiction or not, even though deep down you know all humans have attractions of all kind and that it’s human nature. But no, just block it out of my mind, that doesn’t exist! It shouldn’t exist!" Yeah again, we never fucking said that. You're making. CHILD. PORNOGRAPHY. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF ITS A DRAWING ITS STILL FUCKING ILLEGAL. Any other normal porn on porn hub of adults is fucking fine. NOT. FUCKING. CHILD. PORN.

"Also, dont make porn, because most of the time when producing it, youre basically telling who views it you want to fuck someone/something. So yeah, ban all porn!" -I'd like proof that we said that. Not other people, specifically US. The ones you've made porn of without permission and the ones DEFENDING those that you made porn of without permission.Oh yeah by the way did you know that permission = consent? OH, YOU DO? YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE? YOU'RE A FUCKING RAPIST AND SHOULD SPEND THE REST OF YOUR GODDAMN LIFE IN PRISON. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S A DRAWING, IF YOU HAVE DESIRES TO RAPE SOMEONE WHO PUTS THEIRSELF IN THE FORM OF A FUCKING FURRY CHARACTER, YOU ARE PERSONALLY VIOLATING THEM. ITS DISGUSTING, YOU'RE DISGUSTING, AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

"What’s the point in censoring that kind of expression/speech? I’m pretty sure if you’re not extremely religious or anything you can take that shit with an “ok” “cool” and go on with your life." -Porn isnt free expression or speach. I'm not even religious, hell I'm a fucking athiest and you disgust me. Religion doesn't have anything to do with human fucking decency and good morals.

"Also, censoring all kinds of sexual expression would just leave confusion and misinformation for the folks just trying to get children or having sex for fun." -Ahaha!! Porn has its specific websites for a fucking reason, and that's because porn is generally made for ADULTS not CHILDREN. It is not educational whatsoever, that's what health class in middle school is for you fucking bigot.

"When no one’s talking about it, you don’t know it exists as a child or pre teen." -That doesn't mean it's in any way okay or a good thing. I'm sure that 90% of parents here would fucking say the same thing. They have safe search and shit for a reason, and it's to prevent children, example being 9 YEAR OLDS, TO SOMETHING THAT THEY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE DOING UNTIL THEY ARE WAY FUCKING OLDER.

"And it causes even more harm because these weird feelings on your groin start happening everytime that cute girl bends over to pick her fallen pencil,and you’re scared you dont know what that means, what that is or even how to do it." -You know what that is? It's called being a fucking pervert, dumbass. No wonder it'd cause harm. Because I bet you anything that 9/10 of those fucking situations end up in the boy getting slapped across the face for pitching a tent over some random ass girl bending over like shes showing off her ass when she's simply picking up a damn pencil. By the way, a guy getting slapped for that reason is quite common, regardless of where they live. Unless the girl planning on being a stripper or a porn star, IN WHICH THIS IS NOT THE CASE SINCE SHES IN SCHOOL, NOT APPLYING FOR A JOB OF INTEREST, YOU FUCKING PEDOPHILIC BITCH. "Yes, I know, most porn isn’t realistic at all, but there’s still dicks in pussy, right?" -You do know people do porn videos and upload them for money, right? You aren't THAT fucking retarded... right? No wait nevermind this post exists still. "The most fundamental thing in babymaking?" -PORN. ISNT. MADE. AS. EDUCATIONAL. MATERIAL. FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BULLSHIT. IT IS CALLED SEX ED IN HEALTH CLASS AND ITS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR FUCK SAKE. "Which brings me another example on why discussion and education is important. Would you want Timmy rubbing it on his friend’s mom because he saw that in a video and thought all groin feelings mean that?" -Could you get off your fake ass egotistical high horse and actually fucking explain to all of us why the fuck little Timmy doing that is wrong? Oh yeah. You cant. BECAUSE ITS NOT. You can't justify rape, pedophilia and child pornography with something that happens normally when going through puberty. Also, if you're implying that he is doing it literally ON HIS FRIENDS MOM, nobody is that fucking stupid, jackass. Well, nobody except for you, but that doesnt surprise me at this point. You're making a fool of yourself. Anyone with the tiniest scrap of a fucking brain would know that porn online isn't educational.

3 notes · View notes

lonerism2105 · 3 years

Text

11/7/21 (archive)

i just dont know man... it feels whatever i perceived myself as is so fuckin incorrect. like i am just the opposite of what im supposed to be. my friends and i had a long talk and like they told me that i made everything about myself and that i dont sense another person's pain... that if someone tells me what they are going thru i say "oh yeah i went thru that" or "oh yeah no my friend went thru that". i just feel so shitty because that is not the person i wanna be. and why cant i share with people... like what makes me hesitare to share my things with others?? its just eating away at me when they said that i take more than i give... is it really true?? is that how people perceive me?? this is just fucking with my mind so bad... and about aarya... i just dont know man, her voice is ringing the loudest in my head... her words are like repeated stabs into my heart and they make me want to reach for the scalpel and actually hurt myself...

• "dont you have other friends" this was legit a stab in my heart yikes like lol it made me want to stab myself

• "sachi and i are going to always be closer to me than to you. she is MY best friend and she is always gonna choose me."

• "you have no loyalty"

• "i am saying this because we are already talking abiut it- sarah actually called me... you know how sachi is my best friend, sarah is my bff. she actually asked me how could you be friends with pani. like im actually disappointed- and the way she spoke shows that there actually hasnt been any growth since then." okay lets make one fact clear... i have never really spoken to or been that close to sarah and eleventh grade me idk... i dunno what caused her to jump to that conclusion and what triggered her to assume that about me. i just dont know...

• "sachi has gone thru even worse than you yet she doesn't do what you do."

• "yeah and you know who else got out of her home and is independent for the first time? sachi." lol this actually hurt xD and it's been on repeat in my head ever since yesterday.. i slept with this ringing in my head and i woke up with this ringing in my head... like damn everybody's trauma is different and everybody takes time to heal and it's not a fucking competition and sachi is way different than me... she is much more better at dealing with this shit and she had a headstart alright?? i let myself sink into that shitty gaslighting cycle and for the longest time i was convinced that being told to die was a normal parenting thing and that my parents were good hence they practiced so much control on me... but at the same time the way everyone kept in saying that "we have gone thru the same thing as you, you aren't any special" really makes me doubt that i have just made this all in my head and its so FUCKIng scary🥺 i am so scared that i have just been lying to myself and making this up and my parents were actually right that i have just put a label on it to get more attention.... just hahahah existential crisis has risen again...

im just... it's painful hehe. like i dunno where will we go from here and i honestly dont know what will happen to me. will i slip into that familiar welcoming sadness where i become numb and dissociate from reality... just like headless zombi with no direction? to be honest that sounds so ideal and so well known that i actually feel like letting myself fall... to not care about how im wasting, to starve and make myself suffer, to cause me physical pain so that it can take my mind off the deep pain and grief i feel inside me... i want to hurt myself more than anything else.. i want to punish myself and i want to beat myself i want to make myself feel such incredible pain... dont know if that makes me a sadist but to cause pain to myself feels like the only better alternative than to become numb... because being numb is like floating with no sense of time and just losing out on yourself while carving myself up will atleast remind me that im human that i bleed like other do and that i have some sort of semblance to others despite being so fucked up... maybe mama was right.. maybe i am a habitual liar and maybe i deserve to be alone

yes i want to therapy and that always gonna be around but my self destructive bitton has been pressed and to think about anything that will make me better feels so yuck

i dunno man... guess im just gonna stop talking about myself altogether. i actually felt comfortable with this group to talk about things that i haven't really told many people and thats perceived as being insensitive... singh actually told that im making my personality all about being sad and yikes that just means i got too comfortable and in turn made other people uncomfortable. never talking about my trauma ever again. never ever EVER. i either type it down or write it down ir just shove it to the side and distract myself. i am never gonna talk about what im going thru or if im suffering because i don't need that kind of power struggle. from no one im going to work to make my facade so strong and so impenetrable that no one can know... not even the people closest to me because im a ticking time bomb and i cant risk losing the few people i have... arushi literally said kitne din aur tera randi rona sunanana padega xD well not anymore now onwards im just not gonna open up. i am gonna shut myself up completely so that nobody can know me. too late that these guys know way too much and i wanna kick myself for it but going forward, no on absolutely no one will know about me.. you can call me mysterious or whateva idc... im just gonna be a massive bitch and towards the people i care about im gonna be funny, nice and all things nice. yesss this sounds so much better... being jaded and stoic really sounds like a nice idea ❤️ if only i could get an unhealthy coping mechanism like smoking along with it.. it would just be perfect. numb everything, sounds so beautiful and attainable than actually facing my demons. like Aastha said, just think of this as character development well yall would definitely enjoy this new character arc 😁 of course i would be funny and the comic relief and yes im gonna be a better listener and be more empathetic but im never gonna talk about my joys, my sadness, ny trauma, my happiness, my family relationships... nothing. radio silence. im closing my heart up hence forth such a pain in the ass... its what fucks me over the most so im just gonna kill all the hopes on having "my person" or having a "soulmate' because that hope has always hurt me. and i was born alone so im gonna die alone and that's a fact. hope is such a bitchy thing... always got me ahead of myself and always fucked me over. no more hope... we are just gonna fake it till we make it... im gonna fake my happiness, my humor, my joy everything because absolutely no one can know how i am dying a little everyday. no one can know the amount of hate for myself i hold in my heart. no one can know the things that pain me. no one can know the things that give me joy. no one no one no one. no one is getting closer to me because i need to reduce collateral damage... i am not gonna kill myself obviously but oh... the things i have in store for punishing me?? its gonna be fun 😁 if im not a person anyone can give a second thought about then that definitely means i should not care about myself either. but of course... im gonna be kind and polite and definitely work on being generous.. im gonna continue being a good person even tho aarya says otherwise. i am good and i will stick to that part of my upbringing. im gonna excel in my studies most obviously... gotta play to my strengths so i can convince just how much of a perfect life i have 🥰 being fake sounds so much fun 😁 and i cant wait to fake about my entire personality as being funny, edgy and kind at the same time... sounds beautiful

therapy is always gonna be there bit i really need this for now... imma tell papa that my exams are coming close so i really cant give much attention to therapy maybe after that

damn this is actually a nice thing... to write/type it all down makes me feel lighter and more resolved.

0 notes

konicichan-blog · 6 years

Text

5am thoughts: theory: Story Of Light

is it called the Story of Light because its Shinee telling us and the whole entire world that they will no longer grief in sadness and that they've moved on and accepted what has happened? I'm sure we all know Shinee may still be sad (and maybe more than that) but what if this whole album is telling us that shinee, that all the members, Minho, Onew, Key, and Taemin are ready to have a new beginning? Like, they're ready to let all the sadness go and accept what has happened and that they will continue to work and grow.

What if You&I was about them talking about Jonghyun? Like, what if this song is about them trying to talk to Jonghyun? And theyre all trying to tell him that its hard when he's gone like they dont know what to do. "I’m the only one hurting, I may look fine I’m not easy, my feelings aren’t for decoration" And like they're all reminiscing their memories with him. All those good times that they're not ready to let go of. "A handful of memories, I laugh and remember every day" (okay the lyrics arent in order but JJJJust lemme finish and fyi, its gonna be a lOoong one). "There are countless stars in my heart, there’s one star that shines painfully I don’t want to grab it but I don’t want it to go out" okay in this part i think they maybe talking about Jonghyun. Maybe the stars represent people and "theres one star that shines painfully" might be Jonghyun. A star... someone really special to them... is hurting deep inside. Maybe Shinee is trying to tell us that although a celebrity or ANY person in general who may seem happy in front of the cameras or may seem happy in the outside in general is actually in deep pain inside. Dealing with self doubt, depression and all that and we just dont know :( "The things I can’t throw away make me smile" this is kinda self explanatory. Jonghyun, someone they love, someone they deeply cherish, someone they can't simply just let go of, someone who can always make them smile. You know? "I know that you’re being honest when you wish me well I’ll let you go easy, don’t think that you’re stepping on me" this is kinda hard to explain haha ahm.. maybe as time passes by, Jonghyun's absence is telling them to let go and move on and maybe they're mad with what he did? I DONT KNOW I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! like mad, like?? how do i explain?? like maybe frustrated?? thats the best word i can think of right now riwjkrs they're frustrated but theyre not gonna blame it on him. like the good friends and brothers they are they will let it go easily.. UGH do i make sense? anyway. "I’ve let myself go to the wind and the rain that’s falling cooly But my feelings aren’t for decoration" okay so this is the part theyve told themselves that they really need yo accept what has happened. and maybe "my feelings arent for decoration" means that whatever they are feeling and whatever they are going through shouldnt be joked about in social media since its a serious matter and well ive seen some haters and some "new kpop fans" talk shit about this issue and honestly 😤 it makes me want to slap a bitch

Anyway

next song > UNDERCOVER

so the lyrics:

"I’m paddling my feet as busily underneath the surface with a calm expression on my face, You don’t know"

have u seen swans? how they paddle their legs under the water to move but above the water they seem so calm? like ballerinas, how their arms and body are always so graceful but their legs do all the work and stuff ¿¿?? okay im comparing the lyrics to swans and ballerinas because what if the boys are trying to tell us Jonghyun's situation and maybe also their's and other people who is suffering the same way? We don't always know what happens when we turn around. We don't always know when they're hurting. It's actually pretty easy to lie and fake a smile now a days so we always have to be careful with our loved ones. we dont always know what they're dealing with and one wrong move can cause a bomb to explode.

"Before the curtains rise, I’m always busy but when I’m standing before you I’m Acting cool"

Maybe theyre telling us that behind the scenes, theyre also suffering with personal or family issues. like every other person, celebrities have problems that they deal with too. they also have feelings. maybe on stage theyre smiling and having so much fun but backstage, theyre suffering? they cant breathe, they're overworked, theyre tired. sometimes they're forced to do things. Honestly for me, the kpop industry is so pressuring. you have to be this or that and if you cant you get criticized for it.

"I can’t let you know the things that are secretly happening now, now is not the time. I wait for the right moment, so that when you’ve realized it it’s too late."

Obviously most idols worry about their fans. Theyre worried when theyre fans are worried. its like a family thing we idol and fans have for each other yknow and maybe thats why sometimes they cant always speak up about whats really going on inside their mind. They cant always talk about it to the public bc sometimes people are so rude and so insensitive and leave comments like, "youre not depressed! youre just overthinking" bullshit, barbara. "you just need to hang out more" hMMmM :// ANYWAY thats why they dont really speak up alot. sometimes they cant even go to a psychiatrist privately because the media is always watching and once its on display, BOOm haters here and there talking bs and obviously WE wouldnt realize unless its TOO LATE!

"Like a black shadow is absorbed into the night, the night I dig deep beyond the consciousness, inside of you I’m Undercover"

I dont know how to begin with this.. its like once theyve hit rock bottom and they feel like nothing is gonna get better amd everything is just dark and gloomy. Maybe this is like the moving on part?? like the beginning of moving on. the depressive episode. And at first theyre just trying to hide everything. Just being undercover.

WAIT OMG OKAY SO MAYBE UNDERCOVER BEFORE YOU&I

so they got depressed over what happened and theyre trying to hide from everybody that theyre okay but theyre not and theyre just undercover. in you&i thats when they start reminiscing about jonghyun and talking to him. telling him they miss him and that for him, they're ready to accept and let go.

OKOK SO THE NEXT SONGS ARE WHEN THEY START BEING POSITIVE AGAIN !! YES GO SHINEE !! OUR STRONG KINGS !!!

so i dont really know the sequence i mean its already fucked up in the beginning so lets just go with whatever !!!

So in GOODEVENING!

"The cozy darkness is lingering far away"

so the 'darkness' or those gloomy days and toxic vibes theyve been surrounding themselves has been slwoly disappearing. they're starting to feel a little better again. <3

"At the tip of the sunset that hangs on the buildings I think of you"

i cant explain this one and note: i havent slept and its 6am but im still trying to make this work. but i think fjksjfks ok sunsets means like the day is "ending" and like before the day ends, they remember their sufferings while they were depressed and all those sad times with Jonghyun, like those times of grief.. they remember it all before starting a new day ¿¿ I DONT KNOW im trying my best to explain it. Its like theyre finally accepting what has happened and is ready to start a new happy day

"Spill out the darkness

Open the night

I wanna see you more, right now, oh"

So the sunsets and the night has come and theyve already accepted whats happend but they want to see Jonghyun in a different light. They want to see their bestfriend and brother as someone who was happy and made others happy. They want to remember Jonghyun as someone who made his parents and everyone around him proud.

"The moonlight is rising

I’m going to you before it’s too late

I’m going to get you

Imagining how surprised you’ll be, I’m going to you

Going to you

Without a reason, going to you"

okay this part is like giving someone a hug before they leave for their flight. Like even when hes gone hes not alone and shinee is not alone. like theyre always together. theyll always be together. "imagining how surprised you will be" nrkanfks im thinkg on how to write thus part wo sounding sarcastic. knowing what jonghyun has been through, he might have thought that he was and always will be alone... but the members are there to guide him in his travel to heaven with their prayers and theyre all hoping to surprise him ¿¿ AAAA im sorry if this sounds sarcastic or offensive i REALLY didnt mean it to be that way >·<

literally,for me anway, the whole song is about how theyll always be there for each other. even when the other is far away, it will never stop them from what they are doing. and thats why i love Shinee so much💓

In jump im not gonna add a lot of lyrics since im getting lazier. (lmao you can see my effort fading from you&i until here)

in Jump the song is about them trying to put their pieces together again. They've been broken and torn apart but they're ready to pick theirselves up again.

"I shake my head, brush it off and adjust my heart

I solidly protect my space again"

no one can recover quickly so i guess in this part, they're trying to take things slow. not too fast or anything or else they might make a wrong move and fall back to square one.

"Keep on enduring it

Just close my eyes when it feels futile for no reason"

in this part, theyre still not that strong enough so theyre telling themselves that they should just endure the pain or sadness. if it feels impossible, just close your eyes, believe and trust in yourself. theyve made it this far, why should they quit now?

"Higher, rise higher, fly

There’s the ground beneath your feet

When I travel between the two

Oh yes I feel the freedom

I jump on you, jump on you"

when they finally overcome the fear and sadness and EVERYTHING! they feel the weight lift from their shoulders and finally they feel freedom. overjoyed, they celebrate by jumping¿¿ i guess?? lmAO

"I’m not falling

I’m not wilting

It’s just changes

I turn different

And keep going forward"

this is when they realize that: nothing is going bad. everything is going just fine and everything is great. maybe they havent fully recovered yet but all those depression and pain is finally gone and theyre happy. They're different now and they realize they can finally keep moving forward without feeling to fall back down again.

"Why is that hard Why did I hesitate for such a long time Following my heart away From other people’s eyes I free the feet that were bound I let my imagination loose after a long time The wind is blowing Now I open my eyes and breathe in"

the first 2 lines is probably them asking themsleves, why didnt we do this earlier? they finally followed what their heart wanted instead of being trapped in their own mind and they finally can breathe again. they feel free and loose. they dont feel the heavy chains hanging on their shoulder anymore !

Now I can open my eyes and breathe in.

this is honestly a HUGE step for them. and im so proud?? ugh..

last song: All Day All Night

"All the moments I met you were highlight I don’t regret it, it’s just beautiful"

Theyre remembering Jonghyun more with their happy memories. How his existence highlighted mostly everything in their past. Jonghyun was such a big part of their lives and even if he was gone, they were still happy that he was able to be part of their lives and they were thankful to be a part of his.

"I start to see the world differently Yeah it’s all for you Time starts to emit a light Yeah it’s all for you Our very painful tears The joy that fills ourh hearts All for you, all for you, all for you"

Theyre doing all these wonderful things all for Jonghyun and maybe also for us too and for themselves. "Time starts to emit light" its pretty self explanatory. theyre beginning to see things in a positive way again !! So all of this, this is all for Jonghyun.

"Leave it alone, hold me and my painful scars All of it is the control"

theyre telling us to maybe accept it and move on too. To move on with them. We're all in this together and everything is in control.

So YAAS thats my theory or whatever you call it for SHINEEs album. I really do think the message hidden behind this album is deep and amazing and VERY important. I'm glad SHINEE is able to see things in a new light. Let's just keep loving and supporting them, okay??! So that's it.

The Story Of Light.

The End.

1 note · View note