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#this isn't even an impossible -to-understand response either!!! this is a response that is actually VERY easy to understand
uncanny-tranny · 6 months
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At some point, you have to concede that the abuse wasn't your fault - that there was no action you could have taken to have prevented it, and that it wasn't your fault.
I used to try finding the magic things that would stop the abuse - gifts, kind words, tears, smiles, pretending I didn't exist - and that was because I first and foremost saw the abuse as my fault. It was my responsibility to end the abuse, otherwise, I am somehow proving to the skies above that this is what I wanted from life. I've noticed that for some people, this is a common impulse. It's the victim-blaming internalized and molded in such a way that feels true, and it's hard sometimes to notice it.
What I want to do is, at the very least, remind you (if this resonates) that it isn't your fault. But you don't need to blame yourself for this, either, because you never deserved this in the first place. This isn't "atonement," this isn't right, this isn't cosmic justice. I can't tell you how to leave this situation, but I will say that you deserve to know that you don't deserve this, that you aren't an irredeemable monster who is being punished, as I've seen some people (including myself) believing about our abuse.
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transmutationisms · 5 months
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from a non-academic, i find parts of comphet to be useful (heterosexuality becomes compulsory when you’re raised in a heterosexual society) but the foundations . suck. what do we do with theories like this, that have touched on a truth but also carry a lot of garbage? can we separate the truth from the founder?
i have to be slightly pedantic and say that i don't think rich's essay is an example of this phenomenon. my central issue with her formulation is its bioessentialist assumptions about human sex and therefore also sexuality. if i say "capitalism includes economic mechanisms that enforce heterosexual behaviour and exclude other possibilities", then what i mean by "heterosexual" is plainly not the same as what rich means—and for this reason i would seldom formulate the statement this way, without clarifying that i am talking about the enforcement of heterosexuality as a part of the creation and defence of sex/gender categories themselves. so rich and i do not actually agree on the very fundamental premises of this paper! rich was not the first or only person to point out that economic mechanisms as well as resultant social norms enforce heterosexual pairings; i actually don't even think the essay does a very clear job of interrogating the relationship between labour, economy, and the creation of sex/gender; she means something different and essentialist to what i mean by sex and sexuality; and i think her proposed responses to the phenomenon she identifies as 'compulsory heterosexuality' are uninteresting because they mainly propose psychological answers to a problem arising from conditions of political economy. so, in regards to this specific paper, i am actually totally comfortable just saying that it's not a useful formulation, and i don't feel a need to rescue elements of it.
in general, i do know what you're talking about, and i think there's a false dichotomy here: as though we must either discard an idea entirely if it has elements we dislike, or we accept it on the condition that we can plausibly claim these elements and their author are irrelevant. these are not comprehensive options. instead, i would posit that every theory, hypothesis, or idea is laden with context, including values held and assumptions made by their progenitors. the point is not to find a mythical 'objective' truth unburdened by human bias or mistakes; this is impossible. instead, i think we need to take seriously the elements of an idea that we object to. why are they there? what sorts of assumptions or arguments motivate them, and are those actually separable from whatever we like in the idea? if so, can we be clear about which aspects of the theory are still useful or applicable, and where it is that the objectionable elements arise? and if we can identify these points, then what might we propose instead? this is all much more useful, imo, than either waiting for a perfect morally unimpeachable theory or trying to 'accept' a theory without grappling with its origins (political, social, intellectual).
a recent example that you might find interesting as a kind of case study is j lorand matory's book the fetish revisited, which argues that the 'fetish' concept in freud's and marx's work drew from their respective understandings of afro-atlantic gods. in other words, when marx said capitalists "fetishise" commodities or freud spoke about sexual "fetishism", they were each claiming that viewing an object as agentive, meaning-laden in itself (ie, devoid of the context of human meaning-making as a social and political activity) was comparable to 'primitive' and delusory religious practices.
matory's point here isn't that we should reject marx's entire contribution to political economy because he was racist, nor is it that we can somehow accept parts of what marx said by just excising any racist bits. rather, matory asks us to grapple seriously with the role that marx's anthropologically inflected racism plays in his ideas, and what limitations it imposes on them. why is it that marx could identify the commodity as being discursively abstracted and 'fetishised', but did not apply this understanding to other ideas and objects in a consistent way? and how is his understanding of this process of 'fetishisation' shaped by his beliefs about afro-atlantic peoples, and their 'intelligence' or civilisational achievements in comparison to northwestern europeans'? by this critique matory is able to nuance the fetish concept, and to argue that marx's formulation of it was both reductive and inconsistently applied (analogously to how freud viewed only some sexuality as 'fetishistic'). it is true in some sense that capital and the commodity are reified and abstracted in a manner comparable to the creation of a metaphysical entity, but what we get from matory is both a better, more nuanced understanding of this process of meaning-making (incl. a challenge to the racist idea of afro-atlantic gods as simply a result of inferior intelligence or cultural development), and the critical point that if this is fetishism, then we must understand a lot more human discourse and activity as hinging on fetishisation.
the answer of what we do with the shitty or poorly formulated parts of a theory won't always be the same, obviously; this is a dialogue we probably need to have (and then have again) every time we evaluate an idea or theory. but i hope this gives you some jumping-off points to consider, and an idea of what it might look like to grapple with ideas as things inherently shaped by people—and our biases and assumptions and failings—without assuming that means we can or should just discard them any time those failings show through. the point is not to waste time trying to find something objective, but to understand the subjective in its context and with its strengths and limitations, and then to decide from there what use we can or should make of it.
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hannigramislife · 5 months
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for my own gratification bc i just ran into nie mingjue hate in the wild, would you mind making a post that defends my poor good boy? he worked so hard and got gaslit to shit before getting murdered terribly ;; literally everyone sat there telling him "youre being too harsh" and he's just responding appropriately. like yeah, if you witness a murder, ya kinda got to do something about that as a clan leader. its kinda your responsibility, even when you care about the person who did the murdering. he was also a really young when he took on the role of clan leader and idk, it just made me rlly sad to see people dunk on him cuz wtf he's literally just trying his best in an impossible situation WHILE being perpetually fucked over by his clan's own traditional cultivation cuz now the stronger he is as a leader, the closer he is to going literally insane and dying bc of it. (mingjue did nothing wrong i will die on this hill) ((sorry for going on a tirade, im just sad and defensive of my good boy rn))
Oh no! I'm so sorry you had to go through Nie Mingjue hate! Truly tragic. I went through that once when in the beginning of me reading the books, when I still had no proper opinions, and never again.
I'm more than willing to make a post about Nie Mingjue! I'm always down to talk about Nie Mingjue tbh, he's my heart and love and if I were to have been given the opportunity to be his right hand person, I would have simply never betrayed his trust and married him. Rip Jin Guangyao but I'm different.
Anyways, I, huhhh, actually think you?? Covered it all??? Pretty much?? Yet I will talk about it. This will be long and non-coherent, because I don't have the books rn to find quotes in them and honestly, I could write essays on Nie Mingjue either way.
Nie Mingjue is a central piece of the narrative, despite the limited amount of appearances he made, and the fact that he wasn't close to the main characters at all. The entire second part of the plot revolves around him- it happened because of him. His murder is a tragedy; literally, by greek standards, man has Cassandra Curse all over him, so I don't get how people can tell me, confidently, that his death was warranted. I've been told the man had asked for it, and this has mostly been by Jin Guangyao apologists.
So let me make something real fucking clear.
Nie Mingjue did not deserve to die. Let's get that out of the way, anyone can fight me on that. Nie Mingjue had more good qualities than half the people in this fucking story, despite his flaws. After his father was brutally murdered when Mingjue was only in his teens, Nie Mingjue stepped up as clan leader. We can only speculate the hardships that await someone leading a clan at such an early age. Yet, political challenges weren't the only thing he had to battle; Nie Mingjue knew about his clan's harmful cultivation, and he knew he was going to die young. So what did he do? His best. Literally his best, always. He was always giving 100% of his abilities, because that's who he was.
Let's talk about who Nie Mingjue was, shall we?
When Jin Guangyao, still Meng Yao then, describes Nie Mingjue, he finds himself perplexed, because Nie Mingjue isn't like other men. He is not frivolous, and he has no vices; Meng Yao describes how Nie Mingjue never showed an interest in arts, or alcohol, or women. All he did was train, and fight the Wens during the war. It shows that he had a one-track mind from the start, and has got a strict discipline; yet this strictly disciplined man, leader of a clan that prizes strength, continuously indulges his lazy and undisciplined half-brother, his one and only heir, despite not understanding his interests. We gather, pretty quickly, that Nie Mingjue is a bleeding heart for his brother, and for the ones he loves in general. We see the same softer side displayed in the presence of Lan Xichen, and of course, for some time, Meng Yao.
People seem to think Nie Mingjue took Meng Yao's betrayal too harshly. As if somehow seeing a man he thought to have been just and honest commit premeditated murder, then cover it up, was something he was just supposed to get over. To this day, I can't believe how Lan Xichen was so understanding of it. But not only did Nie Mingjue catch him in a cowardly act - Meng Yao proceeds to manipulate him, using the fact that Nie Mingjue cared about him, to stab him in the back. Or front, however it happened. I get that Meng Yao was in a difficult position, that he suffered at the Jins, that he felt backed in a corner; but Nie Mingjue was a man that had extended his help to Meng Yao before, and even then, he went to find Meng Yao in righteous fury, ready to help him again. To Nie Mingjue, the idea that Meng Yao "had no other choice" but to kill - to kill in the manner he did - it could have been nothing but a betrayal.
One thing that I personally highly respected Nie Mingjue for was the fact that he did not judge Meng Yao for his background. This is not up for debate; Nie Mingjue stood up for him, quite publicly, quite vocally, when Meng Yao was being insulted over it. And not only that, but he promoted Meng Yao to be his right hand man, just like that. Because he's impulsive, and to prove a point, but it was still huge of him to do. Not even Lan Xichen would have done that - In a society built on power dynamics between social classes, Nie Mingjue was one of the few characters who did not let that define his actions. It wasn't because he was born privileged (though he was) but because he he didn't let anything other than his judgment direct his actions. Nie Mingjue also never shied away from anything; if it had to be done, he did it, no matter the cost.
Nie Mingjue was decisive, and had an iron will. When Meng Yao killed the Nie disciples in Qishan, he wanted to kill Meng Yao. Meng Yao told him, paraphrasing, that "don't you understand that if I hadn't done that, it would have been your corpse up there?" and Wei Wuxian takes it to mean "Translation: I saved you so you can't kill me, because that would mean you're in the wrong." So Nie Mingjue hesitated for a second, then said: "Fine! I'll kill you, and then take my own life!" And the only reason he didn't, was because Lan Xichen was there. Otherwise, Nie Mingjue would have killed his former friend, then followed him to whatever afterlife awaited.
Nie Mingjue is often portrayed like he doesn't understand stuff, like he's stupid, simply because of his black and white sense of morality. That's not correct: Nie Mingjue understands motive, but he doesn't accept the ends justifying the means. Scratch that, he doesn't accept or justify either, if they're unjust. The murder of the Jin commander, the murder of the Nie disciples, not executing Xue Yang - how can Nie Mingjue possibly understand Meng Yao's decisions, when Nie Mingjue would rather die, any day, than live thanks to vile actions?
And then, Nie Mingjue starts falling into qi-deviation. We know that it affected his temper the most, and his judgement. I don't understand how it works, really, so I don't know by the end how much was Nie Mingjue and how much was the mess that the spirit made of him - maybe a combination of the two. But what is certain, is that the rapid qi deviation changed him.
But I could write a hundred more pages on him, meticulously going over every single scene he has ever appeared in, because I find him that interesting. I find him the most interesting, and the most appealing character, because in a story where the navigation of the cultivation world's complex politics and hierarchies with tact and diplomacy is crucial, Nie Mingjue stands uncompromising in his principles, choosing duty and honor over anything else, even when it's hard.
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luxxid · 1 year
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hii!! omg i just read your tartaglia as a father fic AND IT WAS SO CUTE ANJDSHJA can i ask if u can write for my skrunkly princess dottore a fic where he becomes a dadttore🤭🤭 ik it sounds impossible but what if ‼️‼️
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𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐄!
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dottore was actually shocked when he found out you were pregnant. he was excited to become a new dad, but also scared and uncertain about what the future held for him and his life.
don't get me wrong, but his mind was fully occupied with the thought of becoming a father and the responsibilities the future held for him. he had never known that he could bloom a life with you.
being a dad was a daunting thought for him, he was scared of the unknown and the thought of not being able to provide all the needs of his future child worried him. but he was determined to face the future head on and make sure he did everything in his power to give his child the best life he could provide.
when the child was actually born though, his demeanour flipped a whole 360°
despite his initial trepidation, he was filled with joy and optimism when his new arrival was placed into his arms, and he knew he would do anything to ensure their future was filled with love and opportunity.
this man would never leave their sight. literally, he is so overprotective of your child.
this man was now a dad, and he was determined to be the best one he could be. he was entering a world he had never experienced before, but he was determined to learn and do whatever it took to be a great father.
he only allows you, him and the tsaritsa to even touch your child. he's that overprotective.
he's tall alright, so whenever you see him with his child, they're either dangling from his arms or they're holding onto his shoulders. as a result, he often towers over them, providing a visual representation of the safety and security he provides for his child.
pierro is the godfather.
he loves having his child present in his lab when he works, he had a separate space especially for them so they can watch their dad do nonsense things they don't even understand.
definitely teaches them big things that's hard to process for their small minds.
when they're seven years old, they already know half of the periodic table.
"so what's Lr in the periodic table?"
"lawrence!"
"it's lawrencium... alright, good enough."
he doesn't spoil them, but he does buy them things that are necessary for them. he thinks spoiling kids won't get them anywhere in life.
he gives them their immunization shot himself. just prepare for a lot of crying and curse words to be heard from his room.
there are some moments when you stumble upon dottore and your child sleeping together on the sofa, his slender arms wrapped protectively around them as they're buried on top of his warm body.
he has a mini version of the fatui coats, so whenever he goes to fatui meetings, he has a mini dottore on his lap.
talking about fatui meetings, whenever he brings his child with them, they're either running around or they're either having a staring contest with a certain ginger.
overall, he used to think life was a word that held agony and despair. but, now that he's come to realise that theres alot more to life that isn't just agony and despair.
but if theres one thing he had to admit that made his life full of life and light?
it would be his family, his reason to live, his everything. everything else may have ebbed and flowed, but his family was his constant; a source of joy and comfort that he could always rely on.
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The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC has poor eyesight
~ @zedibleandedible sent me this request a while back, here it is and I'm sorry it took so long to get to! I'm writing this with my new glow-in-the-dark glasses on for inspiration ^.^ - brainrot ~
- very rough fanart of Malak, Faust, and Chandra under the cut! I ran out of steam before I could doodle the other three >.< -
Julian
Very involved. This is your medical condition, he's a doctor, he understands medical conditions, he can be useful this way!
Except that he's not an eye doctor
He would try to study up and propose all kinds of experiments, but he knows eyes are delicate things and he doesn't want to be responsible for ruining yours
Always checks that your prescriptions are up to date. He's not the best at keeping track of dates but he'll randomly check in and remind you, especially if he notices you squinting
Loves to borrow them to play different characters, or when he's trying to use his academic tendencies to charm you
If you forget your glasses while you're out and about, he'll escort you on his elbow and go above and beyond chivalry
Chest puffed out, serious doctor face on as he steers you expertly through the crowd and points out every odd step or uneven cobblestone in case you missed them
His eyesight isn't the best either, but it's impossible to tell if it's because he needs vision correction or because he needs more sleep
If you get a shiny pair of glasses Malak will always be able to point you to them
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Asra
Thinks it's adorable, overcooks breakfast every morning because they're too busy watching you stumble and squint around the kitchen before you have your glasses on
Knits you several glasses cases in the softest, most eye-violating neon yarn he has
Has a spell or two to temporarily improve eyesight, but they always forget to teach it to you because whenever it comes up they want to try the other spell, which lets them try out your vision quality
Regularly asks you to read different signs in public, just to gauge what it's like for you (he's curious!)
If you forget your glasses, they just see it as an extra excuse to hold hands
Don't rely on him to actually lead you around though
Because, as previously established, they will get distracted watching you squint at faraway objects and they will lead you right into a pole
Or wall. Or pedestrian. Or an unmarked canal (he feels terrible about that one)
Took inspiration from making masquerade masks and made several pairs of fake frames to match with you. They are all about as fashionable as their big, feathered hat
Didn't want Faust to miss out, so he crocheted her a pair. She loves them
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Nadia
As soon as she feels the freedom to do so, she's commissioning multiple pairs for you. They're a very important accessory to your daily functioning, MC, allow her to do this much for you at least
She's also asked around for the best eye expert in the area and has recurring appointments booked for you
Does her best to accompany you and always asks about new advances in medicine, in case you'd be interested. Never pressures you to try any of them
Seeing how charming you look in your spectacles opens her eyes to glasses fashion
She is going to start incorporating glasses into her fashion designs and will try her hand at styling a few pairs
She will secretly put on a pair of readers one evening, just to see what it's like, and then be so impressed by how easy it is to do her paperwork and read new legislation that she keeps them
Spends hours reassuring you that she's not wearing them to mock you. You don't mind at all because she absolutely rocks them
Loves it when you ask her to read or look for things for you when you don't have your glasses on
Chandra knows where the emergency pair is stashed
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Muriel
He notices you. He loves you. And he will always, always remember where you left your glasses, no matter how random or long ago it was
Hesitant to carry or hand them to you because they look delicate and he doesn't want to break something so useful
His eyesight is exceptionally sharp, so he'll frequently start to think that you're completely blind because you weren't able to spot the exact leaf he was pointing out to you on the other side of a clearing
It makes him sad sometimes because he finds beauty and peace in all the tiny details of nature, and you have a harder time seeing them
He takes this as his opportunity to get more comfortable with speaking for longer periods of time as he describes the things he's noticing to you
Which is very sweet, but again, you're usually able to see them too
Don't tell him that or he'll melt into a pool of embarrassment
Might try carving little charms to put on your glasses
Inanna notices how much you rely on them and how careful Muriel is when he handles them, which makes her get very concerned whenever she sees them left out unattended
Portia
She'll never admit to it out loud but she does find herself assuming that you have higher intelligence whenever you're wearing your glasses
You are never going to need a thing when she's around. She's got your prescription memorized and always reminds you when it's time for a check up
Always has a pair of up-to-date spares in her pocket
Her years of working in the palace have made her the world's best glasses cleaner. She notices smudges before you do and when she's done with those bad boys you can't even see the lenses any more
Loves the feeling of being depended on when you forget your glasses and ask for her assistance. She'll read all the road signs to you and knows exactly what to point out to keep you situated
In the evenings, if your eyes are tired, she'll snuggle with you by the fire and read her favorite books out loud to you. It lets you rest her eyes and allows for her running commentary on the plot
Pepi, on the other hand, is not so understanding. She has a deep need to knock your glasses off of every surface you leave them on, and she indulges frequently
You now have very durable, protection-enchanted glasses
Lucio
Any time there's a chance that you'll have to do something physically dangerous (like fight a beast), he'll offer to take your glasses and protect them for you
The problem there is twofold: first, it's harder to see and do the dangerous thing without your glasses on
And second, he often ends up crushing them in his gauntlet when he gets too excited
He's the first to really encourage you towards trying out alternatives, like perception spells or contacts
Took full advantage of your bad eyesight whenever you two used to go shopping
Five minutes before his favorite stall, your glasses would mysteriously disappear, and then seeing the prices on the things he was waving around was ten times harder
He eventually repented of his ways, and in apology got you a shiny gold chain to hang your glasses around your neck librarian style so he can't steal them
Has been known to try to exaggerate how bad your eyesight is to wiggle his way out of trouble: "You wouldn't hit a person with glasses, would you? You monster."
Mercedes and Melchior get slobber on them multiple times a day when they jump up to lick your face
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spacexseven · 1 year
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to let a good deed go unpunished
NOTE: for the anime-only's, there may be a few spoilers about tecchou below, so please keep that in mind. i and Hopefully this isn't too ooc lol :< still waiting for more tecchou content ^^ i'm spelling his name as tecchou here, instead of tetchō :>
REQUEST: general y! tecchou headcanons from @shumidehiro
CW: yandere character, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, obsession, jealousy, stalking
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- an encounter with tecchou is an opportunity that is hard to come by outside of his work, since he's more devoted to his duty of upholding justice more than anything
- that's not to say it's impossible. besides, as long as he recognizes you share the same values as him, you'd easily make an impression on him, even if you didn't plan to do so
- due to tecchou's nature, he easily focuses on things that pique his curiosity or admiration. he can spend hours watching you display your sense of justice or leadership (much like the ants he watched without moving)
- while tecchou can be either a platonic or romantic yandere, his overall intentions are the same. he wants to protect you from the cruel, imbalanced world he's used to. he knows your beliefs can change in a moment once you realize the true nature of people, and doesn't want that to happen
- tecchou doesn't like lying to you or deceiving you. he's an honest person by nature and hates using force or mind games to get you to do something. since he believes sincere discussion is the best way to ease tensions, arguments with tecchou never get out of hand - most of the time he's not able to pick up on what you're feeling, nor does he stop to consider how you're affected as a consequence of his actions. in fact, he's surprised to know that you actually feel more paranoid than safe because of his constant surveillance - because unfortunately, as you'll quickly realize, tecchou genuinely believes his actions are helping you. you may be upset at his rigid rules but he only wants to protect you - he thinks you don't understand that his actions come from a place of good intentions, so while he's ready to hear out your concerns, it's impossible to get him to change his ways when they're so rooted in his personal values, and so he'll keep justifying his own actions to you. - tecchou feels responsible for protecting you from the evil intent of anyone else. due to this, he indirectly restricts your social circle so that all your friends are all either in the hunting dogs or involved with them in some way
- tecchou doesn't ever toy with you or harm you. however, that's not to say he won't hurt others...
- he revels in his ability to make any potential target tremble in fear from just his glare. and even if they don't back down from that, he has an array of methods to silence anyone who dares come in his way
- while tecchou doesn't consider himself violent, he's willing to dirty his hands to protect you. but at first, he doesn't actually consider hiding it from you
- it's likely a hunting dog member (jouno) would be the one to advise him about keeping it a secret. jouno's the one who explains to him that even if he was protecting you from who he deemed as 'evildoers', you'd probably not appreciate the sentiment
- in fact, you'd likely be horrified at the thought that tecchou would be so cruel as to harm someone who only wanted to talk to you. you could only justify tecchou's actions if you believed he was only truly apprehending criminals, which is ultimately why he makes sure you never catch him hurting someone else
- he doesn't want you to lose your trust in him, which is why kidnapping and imprisonment are also not in tecchou's plans; not unless he absolutely has no other choice. he fights off the evil from your shadow, and ensures that you are none the wiser
(softer hcs below that i felt didnt match with the rest)
- tecchou's not used to physical affection, but will quickly adapt to your preference. since he's physically a lot stronger than a regular person due to his modifications, it'll take him a while to figure out if he's holding you too tight or if he's hurting you
- he'll be happy if you want to join him while he's working out. whether you want to help out, watch or try working out alongside him, he'll appreciate the company
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codenamesazanka · 2 months
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If both Tenko and Tomura are supposed to be fake personas than it really doesn't matter anymore, does it? Now you can't go back to being Tenko, either, because that's also fake and attached to pain. And the reveal that AfO was even responsible for his childhood friends is brutal. Next thing we'll find out is that he didn't just come up with the name Tomura, but also Tenko.
(so I agree that atp the best way to fix this would be to say fuck it and reclaim everything, the League most of all, because they're his friends and the only people who have never rejected him, and that's something AfO can never understand.)
That's the thing, isn't it? If 'Shigaraki Tomura' and his gloominess and hatred and villainous shonen protag vibe was just a façade created by AFO, then we needed to ditch that and go back to an untainted Before - Shimura Tenko. His true self. Except now, it seems 'Shimura Tenko', his existence as a younger brother and the life he lived in his father's house and his heroic dreams, is also a bit of a constructed façade, so... do we ditch that too?
Like, in chapter 379, we have Shigaraki taking back control, saying that he knows AFO manipulated him, but whatever, fuck off, he's running the show now. Shigaraki falls back on his origin, using "Shimura Tenko suffering in his father house" as his anchor point. This is why AFO had to upend that too, to tell Shigaraki even that origin was manipulated in some way. Completely leaving him unmoored.
One can say, no! That origin is still real. Shimura Tenko was loved by his parents! He had a sister. He had a dog. He had considered Mikkun and Tomo-chan to be friends and he was excited to have a Hero for a grandma. AFO might have nudged him towards certain directions, AFO's handprints might be all over his childhood, but he can't be responsible all of Tenko's feelings and thoughts and dreams. He can't control how Tenko understands and processes his experiences. That's impossible.
But if that's true for Tenko, then it has to be true for Tomura as well? Here, AFO obviously had much more influence over Tomura's life because he was now raising the kid, but he still can't dictate totally everything Tomura felt or thought. (I think this is actually clearest in Shigaraki's hatred - AFO cultivated it, but it grew beyond his expectations, it became too strong and powerful for AFO to handle. Even overwhelmed and suppressed him.) Tomura grew into himself. He might have been building off of AFO's resources and teachings, but it was still him learning to find his conviction and creating a team and chasing after a dream.
So like, I don't think Tenko is fake. I don't think Tomura is fake, either. I don't think AFO apparently having influenced his childhood heroic dreams and encouraging a strong will means those things are utterly false and should be thrown out, same as how Shigaraki's very real frustrations over hero society and injustice shouldn't been dismissed just because AFO gave him opportunity to see the worse failures of it. Real is what Shigaraki makes of it.
Thanks for the ask!
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*aHEM* okay. let's try this again
so i did a theory thing i guess like months ago where i tried to figure out why Fukuchi said that Fukuzawa's answer was wrong about his motives, and it SUCKED tbh. which is why it is now in the trash next to my sanity
and recently i did that again, but this time i went back and read 30+ chapters (starting from chapter 71 and backtracking a few times) and collected Too Many screenshots of panels to use while i write a new theory because i was unhappy with my first one but i promise i'm not going to make you look at all of them because that would be cruel and make this post infinitely longer
i'll include a tldr at the bottom for this since it really boils down to one point, and to get to that one point i want to cover quite a bit of context so i understand if you just want to read the Main Point lol
so let's try this Fukuchi's goal theory again but better this time
*distant sleep-deprived sobbing*
🔺spoiler warning for chapters 70-104.5🔻
Starting with what we know...
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So this is the first thing we learn before we even know Kamui is Fukuchi, coming from Mushitaro in chapter 70. What I want to focus on is Ango's response to the information, because YEAH that's exactly what I said too the first time I read it!! Why does he say "eliminate" and not "overthrow"?? Don't people usually overthrow a government? Well, this makes more sense to us later once we learn Fukuchi doesn't actually plan on overthrowing anything. What he really wants is to eliminate the concept of different "governments" and different "nations" altogether. This is what we learn in his speech about heading what he calls 'the Humankind Army', in chapter 82. He's not trying to become the leader of the entire world, so to speak, he just wants the entire world to be united with a single army so that there are no borders and no armies beyond the One Single Army.
Okay, but why?
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Fukuchi, now that he's be revealed in chapter 85, just straight up admits he plans on "eliminating" every single nation. He doesn't want to leave a single one out of his Humankind Army, because that would leave room for error. Every nation must be brought into the fold or eliminated altogether in order to prevent wars from ever breaking out again, according to him. I'm not going to explain how ludicrous this plan is because I don't need to, he's a villain doing villain things and he genuinely believes that he will get away with this because he has Bram and One Order. Not to mention, he is amplifying Bram's power to some degree, as this is something he reveals to Tachihara when the latter claims that taking over half the world's armies is an impossible feat in chapter 90. It’s possible he could do the same with One Order, since it is an ‘ability weapon’, but it’s impossible to know for sure until we see him use it.
I think the second image pretty much explains why he wants to eliminate the nations. He was a weapon of war, essentially, commanded by the nation he served to slaughter his adversaries while he watched his comrades die around him. He's clearly traumatized/haunted by the deaths of his comrades, as we're shown a couple of times that he has PTSD-like flashbacks or hallucinations to when he was on the battlefield. In one of these flashbacks/memories, we see him being told by a dying soldier to seek revenge.
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calm down walmart batman
Now, here's where things get interesting, because in chapter 104.5, we learn that revenge is not his goal.
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Fukuzawa guesses it is, saying it's revenge on the government that sent him and his comrades to war over and over again using a healing ability, and also punishment for Fukuzawa himself for ‘betraying’ Fukuchi and not going to war with him. However, Fukuchi immediately corrects Fukuzawa by straight up stabbing him in the gut... So his goal obviously isn't actually getting revenge on the government or Fukuzawa, or the ADA as a whole even.
I don't think he wants revenge, either. He's not necessarily vengeful, despite what those flashbacks might say. No... It's worse.
Fukuchi wants justice.
There's a few things that led me to forming this theory, so bear with me here...
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I think these pages specifically are interesting because, while it doesn’t say much about his motives, we clearly see he has complicated views towards Fukuzawa. He offers Fukuzawa (him, specifically, not the ADA) protection from the government and the Hunting Dogs, and even acknowledges that he considers Fukuzawa a close friend in front of Atsushi. However, he is also upset or maybe even spiteful that Fukuzawa didn’t go to the battlefield with him like he wanted, and therefore didn’t have to experience all the horrors that Fukuchi did during the war. To some degree, he wants to make Fukuzawa suffer as he has (hence why he captured the ADA members and is displaying them for Fukuzawa to see).
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Fukuchi also talks about angels a lot. Which does make sense considering he heads the Decay of the Angel, where ‘angels’ are more accurately Devas from Buddhist scriptures, which are mortal angels. The 5 stages of decay are what we witnessed at the beginning of this whole thing, when the DOA went through the first 4 stages with high-ranking politicians, and then Nikolai framed the Agency for the final stage with even more politicians as victims. The line about reincarnating is interesting to me, because it could be alluding to Fukuchi eliminating every nation and then creating the Humankind Army in its place as the ‘ideal reincarnation’, as there would be no more war. This, with Fukuchi, could be manifesting in the form of wanting to bring the world itself and these ‘angels’ to justice for their wrongdoings. But also enact justice on behalf of his fallen comrades who no longer have the ability to do so.
The entire theme of the Hunting Dogs is that they all have an extremely strong drive for justice, but all in their own ways. Currently in the story, however, almost none of them agree with Fukuchi anymore, and have either formed their own sense of justice that goes against Fukuchi, or has placed more value in something else over that justice.
Out of all the Hunting Dogs, the one who talks about justice the most is Tecchou. But we’ve already seen Tecchou find something worth putting above his sense of justice; Jouno, who he wants to find more than he wants to enact justice on Kenji for being a ‘terrorist’. Jouno also has his own form of justice, which is to protect the innocent above all else, as we see him declare as he defies Fukuchi in chapter 93 before being bitten.
Tachihara was the first to abandon his belief in justice and Fukuchi, stating that orders make him who he is as we see a panel of Mori telling Tachihara to destroy the enemy of the world (aka Fukuchi). Unfortunately, following orders apparently can’t save you from being stabbed from the past. And then blinded. And bitten. Tachi can’t catch a break or any story time even 2 years later
Teruko, who has already been told all of Fukuchi’s plans by the man himself as of chapter 103.5, still chooses to follow Fukuchi of her own free will, telling Atsushi that ‘justice is but a word’ in the face of that. I’m not sure if this means she’s no longer following a sense of justice at all, or if she just puts her will to follow Fukuchi to the end of the earth above it. Either way, she’s the only one still following Fukuchi in the Hunting Dogs at this point. However, she lets Atsushi go, which makes me think she’s resigned to letting Fukuchi carry out his plans but doesn’t want to get involved herself.
Fukuchi is the only one who believes in his own sense of justice above all else, and it could be what is fueling him to carry out whatever world-ending plans he has. There’s not many other explanations as to why a man like Fukuchi would be so determined to reach his goals, since we know for a fact that revenge is at least not the main contributor here. Not to mention, Atsushi calls Fukuchi a ‘representative of justice’ in chapter 83.5, and Fukuchi doesn’t correct him or mention it.
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So besides another reference to angels, it’s interesting to see Fukuchi call the chairman ‘foolish’ for thinking he was doing all this to save the world. This adds to the idea that he doesn’t see salvation for the world as it is, which ties into the fact that he wants to remake the world under the Humankind Army. He doesn’t plan on saving the world as it is, nor does he plan on dominating it at the basic definition of the concept. He wants to carry out justice to destroy and then reincarnate the world under one army controlled by one man and one nation. It’s probably more accurate to say he wants to unite the entire world under the army more than under himself specifically, but it’s still debatable at this point.
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Fukuchi’s mental state is also called into question a few times. We see Atsushi questioning it in chapter 91 during the ADA meeting in Lucy's room, and then obviously there’s the handful of flashbacks we get of the battlefield Fukuchi stood on, either surrounded by bodies or witnessing the end of one of his comrades, or standing before a crater where soldiers were most likely standing at one point. We also see during the two Fukus memory flashback that Fukuchi was scared he’d return from the war a changed person, which is why he wanted Fukuzawa to go with him. This is most likely what Fukuchi is referencing in chapter 103.5 when he tells Fukuzawa that ‘the person he knew before does not exist’, and that ‘the battlefield changed everything’. This mental state probably doesn’t help the whole destroying-and-rebirthing-the-world thing he has going on right now. Not to mention, in the memory in chapter 104, Fukuchi originally went into the military with the idea that his actions were ones that saved lives, and that war was not the enemy of everything on earth. He genuinely believed he could protect his comrades in war. But when he couldn’t save anyone, his views changed drastically to what they are now, which is shockingly similar to what Fukuzawa said in opposition to Fukuchi in the memory: that the only things found at war were actions that took away lives.
Conclusion/TLDR: Fukuchi doesn’t want revenge or to dominate the world by himself, he wants to destroy the governments and nations of the world and then create the Humankind Army to begin the reincarnation of one unified nation under that army. All for the sake of preventing war from ever breaking out again, and therefore enacting his delusional form of justice upon the negligent nations that allowed war to happen in the first place. This is also justice served for his fallen comrades that beg him to take revenge.
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Ineffable (Dream of the Endless x f!Reader) - Chapter 1: Daydream
Masterlist - Playlist
best to read the *preview* first before this one
previously on Ineffable....
"Listen. I have a... request. And as such, it is up to you whether you will accept it or not," he mutters deeply, his voice a mere whisper yet I have a feeling it can reach the farthest corner of this room.
My eyes stays locked onto his blue, and I realize I've held my breath for a minute, reeling from what he said.
"Go on," I implore. I want to add, For you - anything.
But I bite my tongue, and wait.
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He pauses, as if rethinking his decision. I wonder what it could possibly be concerning, if he did not bring it up with the others in the room.
"You're not getting rid of me, are you?" I jest, although there is a tinge of worry in the pit of my stomach, some part of me thinking that he would actually do that.
Well...even if he does, I certainly won't go without a fight. I am valuable here. I belong here. For once, I no longer feel as if I'm running away from something, or towards some impossible goal. I've got my feet firmly planted in place, and I know who I am.
A year ago, I was just a normal student living in a shared house in the London suburbs. As normal as can be, that is. For someone like me, that was a feat. It all started when I was 5, one afternoon when I spoke to my father. Nothing out of sorts there, one would think. But I was speaking to him without uttering a single word, while I was in the room upstairs with my door shut.
"C'mooon Dad, I wish you'd please bring back pizza next time. I'm bored of the salads and all that."
"Sure thing, hon." his voice echoed in the kitchen, "Although, you still have to get some greens every now and th..."
He had whirled around, expecting me to be there. But I wasn't.
I came downstairs an hour later, and he'd chocked the incident off to exhaustion. I was too young to understand what I'd done, but the more it happened, the more wary dad got around me. Thankfully, he didn't really end up treating me any differently. My dad said I was special and it reminded him of my mom. And soon thereafter, we developed a game out of it. I'd figured out that in order to communicate through thoughts, I have to be the one to first direct a message into another person's head. Then, I can hear their responses to me. It's not the same as reading minds, no, and I for one am utterly grateful that it isn't. Not long after, I developed other... powers too - which initially did not manifest in the best way, and so I tried to stifle them for a long time.
It came as second nature to me, I thought other kids could do it too. Up until 1st grade, when I repeatedly asked Marianne if I could borrow her crayons, and she'd started crying and yelling at me to get my voice out of her head. Since then, I'd learned to reel in my thoughts and not cross into other people's heads. But I do slip up sometimes. The results of which are either comical or downright infuriating, on my behalf and theirs.
And at 21, while trying to make ends meet as a student and bookshop clerk in London, I met Fiddler's Green. Gilbert, he called himself.
He had walked in the shop, his towering stature and curious demeanor appearing to announce his entrance. I tiredly looked up from my post, and took him in as he tipped his hat in my direction.
He strolled over to Fiction, and began his perusing. I let him take his time, looking over at him again a few minutes later, and noticing Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys in his hands.
"Hmmm... sadly I haven't read that one, but I have to say Good Omens and Coraline were impeccable works of his. I'd happily recommend this author..." I sat up, startled, my thoughts had clearly pushed over to him. Please be busy, I thought to myself. You did not hear me. I am simply thinking to myself, that's all there is to it...
"Is that so?" he thought out to me, "Well, I suppose I'll be giving this one a try then."
I wanted to apologize, or to give some sort of excuse, anything. But something told me that he didn't mind. He had this steady smile that was just comforting, that I nearly forgot about my slip-up altogether.
Until... "Don't worry about it, dear. Our thoughts can escape us sometimes. That does not necessarily have to be a bad thing. On the contrary, your advice truly helped. I'm in for a great read, indeed," He jovially comes up to the counter, "So I'll be taking this one, please."
It's safe to say that nothing was ever the same after that day. And I had Gilbert to thank for it. I'd ended up moving in with him, and his wonderfully eccentric collection of flatmates after I was shortly kicked out of my flat, and never looked back.
From then on, I'd learned more about myself and my abilities. Rose Walker and Gilbert were the first people, after my father, to truly see me and accept me for who I was. They understood my abilities, for they too were like me.
And so, if Morpheus thinks I am going to give up this life easily, he is sorely mistaken.
But...
"No," he seems surprised, "Why would you think that?"
Oh, I don't know. You barely speak to me, for one. Apart from when we discuss important matters that relate to the safekeeping of the Dreaming, or when I throw a question your way that you act like you're answering purely out of courtesy.
"I just... what do you really think of me?"
"I...," he starts, and I can see that he was caught off guard, but in plain Morpheus fashion, he tries to appear unaffected.
I stare him down, not letting the question dissipate between us.
"I find you... intriguing," he says after what seemed like the longest pause, "I mean... you're certainly someone who has become important to the Dreaming. I know Lucienne, among others, has grown quite fond of you. And her judgment is one that I hold in the highest regard."
"Hmmm," I am pleased at this, but dare I press on? "But, have you?"
"Have I what?" He asks slowly. Did I stray too far? I may have gotten cocky there, but I hold my ground.
"What I mean is... I have made friends here. No... family. Lucienne, Merv, Matthew, Rose, Gilbert...." I search his face, "Almost everyone, but... you."
His expression loses its signature stoicism, and he gives me a look that is tortured and amused at the same time.
"Am I not a part of that?" The corner of his lips lift slightly.
"Of course you are." You may be the most important of them all. The most captivating. The most perplexing. I add, "But sometimes I feel as if... you'd rather not be."
The silence weighs heavy afterward. But for some reason, I don't feel weary. Not even anxious. I've said what I wanted, and simply being able to be so candid with him like this, strangely gives me calm.
"I... apologize if I've been rather... cold... towards you. If you've felt overlooked or unwanted, it was not my intention," He whispers, "You are...important... to me."
I feel arrested in my seat, all the blood rushing to my head making me feel lightheaded, if that were even possible in this realm.
"Thank you," I manage, "It's okay..."
"No.. you have to know that..," he pauses, "that it's not easy for me. It never has been. These...things."
He stands much closer now, looking down at me, his gaze keeping me in place. When did he get up from his seat?
I take a deep breath, and rise, decreasing the gap between us further.
His eyes flit from my own to my nose to my... lips. He looks pained.
"Especially with you... I...can't..." His words are barely discernible.
"Can't what?"
Another pregnant pause. He rests a tentative hand on my shoulder, as if testing the waters.
And as if this moment was never so pressing, he turns away.
Well, that was something. Nevertheless, this is probably all he can give me right now. In my time around him, I can see how being the literal Lord over an important aspect of the human condition can take its toll.
"You had a request for me?" I try to steer the conversation into a neutral area, "Is it about the mission I have with Gault?"
"About that. I've just decided that I will come with you instead. I need to show you something."
This was a surprise. The two of us have only gone on a mission alone once before, and this resulted from all the others being occupied with their own thing.
"But it can wait," He turns back to look at me, "You should rest."
"Well, technically, I am dreaming," I smile at him.
"You know what I mean," He gives me just a hint of a smile and then starts to leave.
"Morpheus," I voice out in his thoughts, he pauses in his step, "You're important to me too."
He turns back halfway, and I swear I can glimpse a full smile over his shoulder.
"Sweet dreams, y/n."
End of chapter one.
Neil Gaiman reference! I just had to..
Thinking of adding some *spice* to the main plot, and seeing as I'm a sucker for some jealous!Dreamboat or jealous!Reader-- which do y'all prefer? A bit of Corinthian x Reader, or slight Dream x OFC??
Worry not! The Reader's abilities/background will be more fleshed out in the coming chapters.
Also, this fic WILL contain angst. However, I want their relationship to develop healthily and naturally, to some extent. We'll see!
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lutawolf · 10 months
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Stay By My Side Ep 6 soft D/s elements
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This episode, Jiang Chi and Bu Xia hits some bumps. It's classic bumps, but it's unique to them, which is what makes it interesting.
So we start the episode with Bu Xia accusing Jiang Chi of causing their relationship to be misinterpreted. Right off, I heard people checking out with this scene. It didn't make sense to them, but I've been like this. My first kiss was actually a girl, initiated by me, and then I completely flipped my shit on myself. Sometimes there is just a war inside you that you have to fight. For me, it was society and for my daughter it was her own "normy expectations."
Jiang Chi is understandably confused. However, if you pay attention, this is where I really see Dom in him. He isn't in it for just the rewards, he is trying very hard to meet the needs of his skittish sub baby. Now, I will say that the D/s element are very soft, but they are still there. I often hear comments about D/s and age. Lifestyle is different from scene and many cultures, especially Asian, have a natural inclination towards a D/s aspect. I actually explain why this is, but I can't link it because assholes keep reporting my posts. *I can literally hear my daughter going, "Mom, your ADHD is showing, back on topic."* Sorry!
The interview cracked me up. Jiang Chi says yes, and Bu Xia says no. Guess who won? Bu Xia, looks at him but backs down. The way Jiang Chi looks at Bu Xia when he is talking is so cute. At this point, Jiang Chi just thinks that Bu Xia doesn't want everyone to know yet, and he is okay with that. He doesn't let Bu Xia say they aren't dating, but he doesn't confirm that they are either. Compromise.
Notice the clear and precise. "There is no misunderstanding. I meant what I said."
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gif credit to ueasking
Bu Xia's dreams are telling him what he wants, but he isn't ready to deal with it yet. Him falling off the side of the bed is my favorite thing because, I think, we've all done it. 🤣🤣🤣
The more I watch, the more I think that Jiang Chi is playing the long game. He is too aware of Bu Xia's confusion and is too understanding of it, and yet at times he reels him in.
Jiang Chi has learned the best way to handle Bu Xia is with the reward system. "Help me with dishes/wait for me, and I'll bring you late night snacks."
Bu Xia is cute, but he clearly isn't ready for self reflection or owning his own responsibility. Notice how everything is all Jiang Chi's fault. Not that I don't do the exact same thing with my husband, but that's besides the point. I'm just stating the facts about Bu Xia. 😈
I honestly adore the basket ball team. Their teasing is light-hearted and meant to showcase an acceptance. Because everyone but Bu Xia can see it. He is a coconut.
This next scene is very D/s. The brat talks back to the team captain when told that he has to wash Jiang Chi's stuff. Captain immediately grabs Jiang Chi and puts him in front to handle the brat. Notice the firmness of Jiang Chi when addressing this. He isn't yelling, he isn't even being rude, but rather using a tone and logic to indicate this is a line. Bu Xia didn't even think of doing anything but accepting. And there is a that reward system again. Jiang Chi rubs Bu Xia's head, essentially saying, "Good Boy."
The hilarity of the water bottle scene after basket ball practice. Again, I love the basket ball team. The uniform washing scene that turned into let's see how wet we can get each other was impossibly cute. I don't want to hear the phrase "boys will be boys" unless we are talking about a scene like this. That's the kind of boys will be boys behavior that I can get behind.
The whole next scene is my everything. First, the explanation of the uniforms. Then the kiss. The wash clothe coming down to cover Bu Xia's eyes. The initial gentle kisses from Jiang Chi, to more once Bu Xia shows acceptance. Sighhhhh, it was so cute.
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Now we are at the point where Bu Xia has got to be getting whip lash from his own brain. You can see his amusement and happiness at all the pictures "deadlock" (by the way, it took me forever to get the joke behind that. That it's their names. I'm so stupid.) Bu Xia is clearly pleased at Jiang Chi taking a secret picture of him. Then he sees the comments and it flips his switch. Now he is back to questioning himself.
And it's all downhill from there. His basket ball teammates are trying to gently push him in a direction. They push too much, though. Leading to a huge misunderstanding for Jiang Chi. Who in his feels pushed too hard. Causing us to end in angst. We have 10 episodes in total and this was only number 6!
Hope you guys enjoyed this! As always, thank you for taking the time to read. 💜💜💜
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trainer-blue · 7 months
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there are three terms i see being thrown around in a ton of posts "supporting" palestinians that don't actually apply. if you're someone who calls israel an apartheid colonial state committing genocide and you either actually believe it or have seen those terms often enough to copy them yourself, i encourage you to think a little more deeply about what these words mean:
apartheid:
this term isn't one that you use for just any form or extent of racial discrimination. i have never seen anyone use this term in reference to the united states, and i think everyone reading this can acknowledge that racism is extremely prevalent and systemic here. in fact, i've only ever seen this term used in regards to south africa and israel. if you use it about israel, think about what policies are in place that make it an apartheid state in your view, and then think about whether any other country in the world has comparable ones. if so, why is israel considered apartheid when others aren't? here is some information about the term and why it does not apply. why israel isn't an apartheid state arab political parties and participation in israeli government
colonial state:
to most people, colonization involves taking land from indigenous peoples so that people who are not indigenous to the area / have no ancestral ties to that area can control it instead. colonial settlers could, in theory, return to a country of ancestral origin in which they would be a cultural majority or be safe and not expect to be subject to hate crimes because they are of majority status. one can acknowledge that palestinians have been displaced without it being colonialism. jewish people are indigenous. yes, even the white ones. no, not all jews are white. if any of these claims seem far-fetched to you, or you don't understand how jewish people can be indigenous to israel, i recommend reading these posts: jewish indigeneity from an archeological perspective history of jewish presence in israel
genocide:
"the deliberate killing of a large number of people from a particular nation or ethnic group with the aim of destroying that nation or group." if israelis-- even the israeli government, which even "zionists" consider right-wing, fucked, and nonrepresentative of their values-- wanted to wipe out palestinians, we would have seen very different actions from them throughout history. one can acknowledge and mourn the loss of innocent palestinian life during wartime without framing it as something it's not. growth of palestinian population rates
"why does it matter what terms we use? isn't it GOOD to exaggerate or use buzzwords to catch people's attention? how else can we make people understand the true plight of palestinians?"
there is no reason to use terms that don't apply, actually. when so many people parrot these terms without understanding whether or not they're accurate:
1. this actual situation gets muddled, leading to people who have done no research of their own jumping to pick sides because they think they’re rallying against "the new nazis." These people may then support Hamas as “freedom fighters,” attack Jewish people around the world, and celebrate the rape, torture, and death of Israeli women and children because they’re “complicit in colonial apartheid genocide” and no longer considered human.
2. you imply that it is impossible to care about or support civilians affected by war if they’re NOT victims of genocide, colonialism, or apartheid states. Why do you need to rely on these terms to feel empathy for palestinians? If you acknowledged that they’ve been displaced by other indigenous people and are being killed in and affected by war, would your fervor for their cause die out? if so, is that a reasonable response to the realization that the real world isn't cut and dry, and not every conflict has a completely evil side and a side that is completely innocent?
3. ACTUAL instances of genocide, apartheid, and colonialism get watered down. I’ve seen people compare this to the Holocaust, calling Jewish people Nazis. Look back at the resource I linked to above. When you compare steady growth of Palestinian populations with the brutal erasure of ⅔ of the jewish population in europe, you are not only overexaggerating current events, but you’re also saying that the holocaust wasn’t all that bad, actually. To weaponize a people’s own genocide against them is. Gross. Especially when recent events have been catalyzed by Hamas beheading and burning babies–rather reminiscent of the Holocaust–and when people continue to deny that the 10/7 attack even took place. Also. rather. Reminiscent of non-jewish refusal to believe accounts of concentration camps.
similarly, when you water down terms like “apartheid” to mean any form of inequality for racial minorities, you deny the realities of apartheid south africa and imply that that’s “pretty much the same” as racism experienced in other countries around the world
hamas calling for jewish (NOT ISRAELI) death
perspective on equating israel to apartheid south africa
thank you for reading. this is not a call to abandon support for palestinians. this is a call to think about the terms you use and the misinformation you've seen.
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arabella-s-arts · 3 months
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Watched the new atla show. And now I will share my thoughts because I need to put them somewhere.
I agree with people that it kind of fell flat. More like an impersonation than the actual show. Also, people are right, where is Katara's rage? I'm not going to dive into it, because people already have, but Katara is stubborn and righteous, so where'd they put those qualities?
I wish the show would stop telling us everything. Like, stop telling me that Ozai thought finding the Avatar would be impossible, and sent Zuko on this quest anyway. I know, it's obvious. I don't need to be told the subtext, that's why it's subtext. Subtality could do this show a world of good.
Zhao's death sucked. It was perfect how it was in the original, it showed Zuko's kindness, and Zhao's hubris being his downfall was perfect. Also, this isn't necessarily a complaint, just something I noticed, Zhao feels different in the show. A guy with similar aspirations and ideas, yes, but not the same guy we all hate.
The acting wasn't always the greatest, but I can't tell if it's actually the actor's fault or script (probably script).
I wish Sokka was involved in the Jet plotline, he played a big part in it originally, and it really showed his true character.
Why did Katara and Aang never get any actual training in Northern Water Tribe? That's what they were there to do. Somehow, magically Katara became a master waterbender, because she what? Believed in herself? That's not how learning a skill works. Imagine trying to learn the flute, you're confident, and you figured out on your own how to play a few notes. But you still need someone to teach you the rest of the notes, how to trill, how to read the sheet music, etc. You can't learn everything just from confidence.
The costumes bothered me so much. Sokka and Katara's coats looked so light weight, which is probably more comfortable for the actors, but those coats could not shield you from a light breeze, much less a frozen tundra. Also someone pointed out that their clothes don't actually look worn, and they're right.
What on earth was the scarf scene? Why was it there? What was the point? I am not a Zutara shipper (though I have no hate for the shippers, just dislike for the ship), and now online is just going to be posts about that.
Was Suki just not wearing her warrior make-up because she had to kiss Sokka? Either way, it's still upsetting. The one time she doesn't wear her warrior make-up (which is an honor to wear) is when she's finally in a real fight, and on the day Kyoshi shows up too. Also, no Sokka wearing warrior make-up? I get if they couldn't fit it in, but it's still a bit sad.
I don't understand them getting rid of the fact that Aang ran away, I think it really makes his character more complex as he struggles to take on the responsibilities of the Avatar.
They sorta switched Sokka and Katara's roles in the Omashu tunnels, which I don't get.
Having Zuko fight Ozai in the Agni Kai was a terrible idea.
I'm sorry to say this, because I don't like Zuko being in pain. But Zuko's scar is smaller and a lot more understated than in the animation. I don't know much about burnt tissue, or how it will scar, especially with their technology. But we rarely see heroes with facial scars beyond a line through the eye or something, I don't want it taken away. The scar doesn't even seem to reach his ear. And I'm sad about them confirming his sight was fine. Zuko with some hearing and vision loss is technically just a headcanon. But then why did Zuko only leave his unscarred side up when sleeping around people he didn't trust in the animated version?
I could tell that Aang was airbending during it, so it wasn't really flying. But it's a little too similar, especially considering how significant flying is in Korra.
The thing that bothered me the most was Yue's death. Why was it barely acknowledged?! Yue made a huge sacrifice, but instead we're making up a plotline that causes Aang to have the spotlight instead. And when Sokka was talking to Arnook about Yue, somehow the conversation became focused on Sokka, and his insecurity, instead of someone they both deeply miss (though Sokka and Yue's relationship development could've been better). Sokka is joking around again by the end of the episode, it feels like her death never happened! And why make her a fish! No offense to fishes, but it feels less impactful, and in the original, we could see how Yue was able to keep some of herself alive in the way she presents herself as a spirit, she doesn't do that here.
Some things I liked:
Zuko being upset about Aang stealing his journal.
Sokka and Suki had really good chemistry (though, the show doesn't really give us a reason why Suki likes him, she seems annoyed with him when they first meet).
The effects were good, and I liked a lot of the fight scenes.
Kyoshi.
Oma and Shu being lesbians.
That one lady hitting Zuko for trying to hurt Aang.
Suki being awkward and beating up the guy she likes.
I am impressed with how they were able to overlap some story lines. That must have been difficult to figure out.
The sets.
Azula.
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mishy-mashy · 1 year
Text
That opinion that every happy ending involves getting married and having kids and it's happily ever after? This does NOT apply to the Astrea family AT ALL.
Case Study #1: Wilhelm and Theresia
They marry and have a kid, go through that typical line of a happy end... but in reality, Wilhelm loves his wife too much, and it's a problem
(especially after said wife dies and he blames everyone else in his family and Oh, Look! Family Drama!™)
Happily ever after? He's estranged himself from the Astreas now, blames his own grandson, and goes on a long journey of revenge. His son's become an alcoholic, his daughter-in-law is dead to the world, and he just left the Astrea family to be handled by the mess that is Heinkel
Wilhelm was so obsessed with his wife, thought his kid might've been a genius (he was not), and when his wife was gone, he was pretty quick to turn around and leave
And where was he before Theresia even died? Where was Theresia, too? When Heinkel couldn't get a job, when Louanna became a Sleeping Beauty, or when people broke into the Astrea manor?
Reinhard was five when Theresia died. These events all happened before that, and they're... enjoying retirement, I guess?
Case #2: Louanna and Heinkel
First off, they married young. Well, to us, it's young, but remember, the age they can start getting married is 15. They're in something like a medieval period. Being around 18 or 19 is totally plausible to get married for them. As we've seen with Priscilla, age gaps aren't a problem either
Heinkel has a beautiful wife and has a kid, and all is well for exactly two years. Then his wife is Gluttony-ed, and everything goes downhill from then on
Heinkel...
... has little talent for the sword, yet is stuck between two generations of Sword Saints (his mother and his son)
... doesn't qualify for the "van" in his name
... can't even get a proper job on his own
... almost loses Reinhard when he's FOUR
... is searching for a cure for his wife that involves killing the dragon that protects their kingdom
... has not kept his wife's state under wraps so nearly everyone knows and can gossip
... verbally abuses even those who try to help him and then regrets it when it's too late
... lost to his own 5-year old kid in a sword duel despite training his whole life himself
... is aware that national laws have been made to restrict his son
... has a job for the sake of appearances with no actual responsibility
... 's job is being done for him by someone about half his age and is otherwise just a knight (Julius)
Heinkel grew up with two heroes for parents, realized he could never match up to even the family general standard, but he does get a beautiful wife and son... and then his wife disappears in what might've the peak of his marriage, and his son has all the talent in the world—something Heinkel might've dreamed of having
Case 3: Reinhard.
Reinhard is obviously expected to marry and have a child to continue the Divine Protection, but that too is just another responsibility he's burdened with.
He's someone with so many Divine Protections that he can see the reality of what each is like. What if he doesn't want his kid to go through having the one that brings so much family expectation (Sword Master)?
Does Reinhard even lose that blessing if it's passed on? Does he just keep his copy and the next one has it too?
Would Reinhard actually feel relieved because his own child now shoulders the responsibilities he had to deal with over the Divine Protection?
Does Reinhard even have a proper understanding of how to express love, or what parental love looks like, if the two cases above are his main examples?
It's been stated that Reinhard would marry whoever the world chose. He isn't going to choose, and especially not for love. Reinhard's just an existence trying to please everyone and live up to their expectations because there's too much at stake that it's impossible to do otherwise
Example: what if he doesn't do right and everyone is dissapointed or leaves?
What even happened during the shady relationship Reinhard and Heinkel apparently had when Reinhard was younger?
In fact, the Astrea family problems started AFTER they got married. Except Reinhard, but that's because he already has to deal with the problems from the marriages of those before him, and they still haven't been solved or even ignored
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pomplalamoose · 8 months
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hey omg I have this idea, could you maybe do headcanons (IF YOU WANT TO) abt enemies to lovers with Luke? Well, you can have it kinda be like a Mara Jade scenario where she needs to kill him but Luke doesn’t necessarily hate her. Honestly all up to you!
Hiii anon, thanks for your ask🩵 I really like the idea, so let's jump right into it!
• I find this to be a very interesting concept because there are so many possibilities how this could play out 
• across the galaxy there is a wide array of people that could have good reasons to hate Luke, even the ones that have never actually met him before 
• the reasons for said dislike can range from petty to understandable, depending wholly on whose side you are on
• imagine: you could be a fellow kid from Tatooine, having one sided beef with Luke because he was always the better pilot and shooting womp rats came to him easily, whereas you wanted nothing more than to beat him once but always failed 
• maybe Luke stole the love of your life right from underneath your nose without even realizing 
• maybe you hate him just because he made it off that hell hole of a planet and casually overthrew the Empire in the process 
• like, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU and the jealousy is gnawing at you
• maybe you are a politician's assistant or the politician yourself and, because you can't stand Leia, hate Luke too, simply because they are related 
• possibly Luke's actions, unbeknownst to him, had a serious impact on your life; you are left reeling, trying your hardest to pick up the pieces left
• maybe you worked for Jabba and lost your job due to his death 
• alternatively you lost friends in the same battle that cost your boss his life 
• or maybe Jabba died before he could pay you your well deserved money
• and worse: you are responsible for caring for friends or family and now can't do that anymore because your employer is fucking dead
• maybe you had family or friends on the Death Star
• maybe you are part of what remains of the Empire 
• alternatively you could have been raised to hate and fight the Jedi, and now, that there is only one left, you want to end them one and for all
• either way: the only thing still keeping you from crumbling down, what keeps you going,  is the thought of revenge 
• no matter your motive, Luke will not hate you in return no matter what you do
• we have to be realistic here, that man didn't even hate his father and refused to kill the Emperor with his own hands
• so the whole enemy part is pretty much one sided, to him you are a slight annoyance at best 
• (additional reason to absolutely hate his guts)
• (personally I think it's hilarious but obviously you don't)
• there is nothing more infuriating than your sworn nemesis acknowledging your presence but not being really bothered by it 
• and why would he? 
• (going forward I'll assume your goal is to hurt him or possibly end his life)
• unless you have some serious outstanding skills, you wont be able to even get close enough to do any harm
• plus, it would be in your best interest to catch him alone, which in its own right is hardly implementable
• if you somehow get this far though, he will already know 
• it's basically impossible to sneak up on him, especially with murder on your mind 
• and taking on Luke wholly on your own? You wouldn't stand a chance 
• even though you could potentially be a trained fighter you are blinded by rage and thus not equipped to meet him at the same level he's on
• all of this, of course, doesn't mean that Luke would simply accept the way you keep trying to mess up him or his family 
• he might have developed lots of patience during his training and over the years but when the people he loves are in danger, he isn't playing around 
• (it doesn't matter that every single one of them is dangerous in their own right and can very well defend themselves)
• if you're lucky he only gets angry 
• but if you somehow manage to catch his interest and become subjected to his curiosity, you might as well turn yourself in straight away
• he will either make an effort to get you arrested, or alternatively, seek you out himself 
• abruptly the roles are going to be reversed; no longer will you be the hunter but instead the hunted 
• Luke will naturally want to know who you are and where you are from, what your occupation is or was and whether you are working alone 
• most importantly he'll want to hold you accountable for your actions 
• since he doesn't consider you a real threat he is able to take his time to methodically tire you out 
• he doesn't mind if you constantly manage to evade his grasp, he knows you will return again to try and hurt him
• eventually, if you like it or not, he'll get his chance to confront you 
• depending on your reaction, the results are different ones 
• if you insist on following your path, he'll see you punished according to your crimes
• if you're willing to engage in conversation/are reasonable enough, he will reach out, offer his help 
• you absolutely don't want to go to prison but his pity would make you feel similarly awful 
• it's easy to stoke hatred and to keep your anger burning when your target is, as far as you are concerned, a monster 
• however, coming face to face with Luke for the first time, you are thrown and your world, once again, is turned upside down 
• he is nothing like you imagined 
• he is kind, charming even, and not arrogant and blinded by pride, like you thought 
• above all he's so beautiful it hurts
• despite everything you did in order to bring him harm, he is ready to forgive you 
• and not only that: he offers his support, might even apologize and explain his point of view should you entrust him with the reason for your actions 
• while Luke does not expect you to do so, in fact doesn't demand anything, he still wants to come to an agreement 
• he's busy enough as it is and permanently keeping an eye out for you is, frankly, irritating 
• so what is it that you want? A stable job? A place to live? Money? Some other kind of compensation for what happened to you?
• it's hard to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, you were in the wrong all along 
• that he is, just like you, a survivor of the war and it's circumstances and did only what had to be done 
• (alternatively you are a Sith and want to admit to your faults even less)
• whatever the case, Luke will remain understanding and, should you refuse his help, won't judge you for it 
• if you promise to leave him and his family alone, he'll let you go
• it's all up to you and he won't pressure you into something your pride doesn't allow 
• he'll be happy to part ways peacefully, of course, but if that's not the case you'll still get your chance to stand by your word to not cross his path again 
• regretfully he does not disappear from your thoughts, no matter how much you try to forget about this embarassing encounter
• maybe you try to unfairly twist your interactions to make them fit your narrative
• it's not working though and with growing frustration you realize you want to, need to, see him again 
• only to accuse him of messing with your mind of course, no other reason (like taking a last look into his crystal blue eyes)
• if you can settle this once and for all, maybe he'll stop appearing in your dreams and leave you alone 
• surely this is all the doing of a Jedi and has nothing to do with a guilty conscience and a burning longing to be held in his arms
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fascinatedscrawls · 1 month
Text
Phic Phight Prompts: people can't get out the amity & A day in the life of an Amity Park resident.
Word Count: 2406
For @godgytrnbrt and Splax
Summary:
It wasn't like Angela Foley ever ignored the news in the past, but ever since ghosts started attacking Amity Park keeping an eye and an ear on the local situation was a necessity. How else was she supposed to know the town turned into the Hotel California overnight in time to let her boss know she'll be working from home indefinitely until it's fixed?
Tapping along to the beat of a song that is slowly drifting further from the 'Top Hits' stations and into the 'Oldies' category, Angela Foley looks away from the veritable sea of brake lights ahead of her to eye the shops to her right. The cars around her haven't moved since before the song started and a coffee sounds really good right now.
To be honest, it sounded good before she even left the house this morning, but she initially planned to stop by her favorite cafe next to the office.
A glance at the clock shows that, while she isn't late yet, coffee wouldn't be possible even if the traffic in front of her vanished into thin air. A not-so-impossible feat these days, though one she hopes doesn't actually happen. As it is, she's positive she's going to be late.
Which means stopping at this coffee shop to wait out the worst of the traffic couldn't be too bad, right? She's visited before, a handful of times even, and the local staff really helps when Amity Park's local problems crop up. The one time she saw a ghost attack here - it was the one obsessed with boxes, memorable mostly due to how frequently he's spotted - the staff helped the customers clear the building. As she texted Tucker at the time, Angela thought the clean up response times would be longer, but as if to prove her wrong, Inviso-Bill showed up just a few minutes later so she was able to see how quickly the shop's staff got back to business.
(Personally, she's of the mind that an attack on a business should necessitate a paid leave for the employees until the damages are fixed, but she also knows how unrealistic that is in a chain restaurant like this. Outsiders just can't understand.)
Shaking her head, Angela lets the car roll a few inches further, leaning forward to see where the turn in starts. Not too far, maybe a car-length or so. She taps at the steering wheel again, thoughtful this time.
Before she can decide either way, the music on the radio cuts short to make way for the familiar beeping of a news alert. She sighs, shoulders tense, then reaches for the volume to turn it up.
"Alright, what's going on this time?"
"This is an emergency announcement for all Amity Park residents. I repeat - all Amity Park residents. Please be aware that due to an unknown entity, all Amity Park residents are currently unable to leave the city." The local shock jock is a little more serious than his usual persona as he reads the news bulletin, but it's clear that after months of having to share similar news stories he doesn't mind playing into it a bit. "That's right, folks. It looks like our beautiful town has gone full Hotel California on us today. According to reports the city limits aren't exactly the hard limit, but many of those trying to commute out of the city for work are finding it even more difficult than usual."
Leaning an elbow on the car door, Angela allows herself another deep sigh as she mentally rearranges her whole day around this new inconvenience.
Being essentially held captive inside her own city is certainly not good news, but Angela's seen and survived worse than this. Thankfully, working from home isn't outside of her wheelhouse as it might be for others.
However, to work from home she first needs to get there.
"Thankfully, at least for any guests visiting us, whatever is keeping us in doesn't seem to impact non-residents. Experts are working on pinning down why that is and how long one needs to live here to be classified as a 'resident', but for now they ask that all of us lucky locals return home and clear the roads to allow our guests to continue on their merry way."
Angela watches the car in front of her execute a not quite legal or safe turn into the shopping area, the small car jumping the curb to make it in. As they beeline across the parking lot she can see they're clearly headed for one of the back exits that leads into the only mildly confusing web of neighborhoods that make up Amity's suburbs. 
Good plan.
Keeping an eye out for any pedestrians or cops, Angela follows them. Another two cars follow her to make a similar escape from the traffic. She has a passing thought, a faint hope that they're also locals going home rather than visitors trying to beat the traffic. Well, if they aren't locals, she's sure they'll get to where they need to be eventually.
Just maybe a little later than they thought.
At the second stop sign Angela blindly rummages through her purse until she finds her phone. Driving with only one hand on the wheel isn't exactly recommended which she would stress to Tucker if he were here (she's trying to be an exemplary driver in front of him these days to set a good example), but it gets the job done. She at least waits until the next stop sign to navigate the menu until she can call her boss.
Lowering the volume until the music - oh, it looks like the DJ thinks he's funny - until Hotel California is barely audible, she hits call. The older woman picks up on the third ring.
"Hey Pam." Angela goes for cheery, wanting to soften the mildly bad news.
"Oh, no. What is it this time?" It wounds like she missed it. Thankfully, her manager sounds more amused than exasperated.
"Something's keeping all Amity Park residents from leaving the city limits." It's not a shield, at least Angela doesn't think it is as she squints up at the decidedly blue sky for half a beat. Usually those are pretty visible. Then again, she isn't an expert. Whatever it is, she hopes it isn't long term. She and Maurice were hoping to make a trip to see the rest of his family in a few weeks.
"I told you that you should move out of that place." Pam says again, likely shaking her head as she always does as she makes this argument. "I'm sure I could get the company to pay for it!"
"I appreciate the offer," Angela really does, "but we don't plan on moving anytime soon."
Because ghosts or no ghosts this is their home. The one Maurice picked with her. The one that Tucker has vocally refused to abandon. It's where their friends are, where Angela's bi-weekly book club meets, where Maurice's old college buddy lives. It's the only place Tucker's ever known.
Angela can't imagine leaving it after fighting to keep it through thick and thin.
Pam clicks her tongue, clearly expecting the answer after hearing some form of it for weeks.
"Alright." That tone means that Angela's going to have this conversation at least once more, but it's put aside for now. "What's your ETA? Will you make the eleven o'clock meeting?"
"I should be able to." Angela assures her after another quick look at the clock. "I'll email you once I'm back at my desk."
"I'll keep an eye out for it." Pam hangs up. That would be more offensive if the woman didn't end every call like that.
The drive home is far quicker than her aborted attempt to drive in to work and Angela may still be slightly later than usual to log in, but she thinks that the professionally made cup of coffee she finally got her hands on is worth it.
She sips her way through the cup while making sure she has everything ready for the today's meeting and tomorrow's while she's at it, then devotes another few hours to what they pay her for - something between network and cyber security. She left the hardware side of things behind a few years ago (now only dipping back into it to help investigate new technologies for others to install and maintain) in favor of learning how to keep people out of their company's data. 
Some might find it boring, Maurice certainly prefers his own specialty - operating systems - which she gladly leaves to him, but Angela finds it rewarding. Especially since Tucker found an interest in it a few months ago! It might be due to that ghost that keeps trying to use technology against the town, but whatever the cause Tucker's insights and inputs when they discussed hacking and how to prevent it were always so interesting to hear.
The TV, a small one set to the local news station as quiet background noise and an unfortunately precaution these days, brings Angela out of her most recent project by playing it's usual mid-day jingle. She still thinks it's a little corny even after all these years of hearing it, but it does remind her to stop and eat on time.
She's halfway through making her sandwich (a bit of a let down as she planned to go out with some of her coworkers today) when she spots the fresh strawberries she previously set aside for tonight's baking. Angela eyes them for a moment before reaching for all the ingredients she'll need for the cupcakes. If she's going to be stuck at home she may as well be productive. It's still a toss-up if she'll be able to bring these in to work for Tom's birthday, but Angela's sure her family will be happy to eat them if she can't.
It's nearing the end of her lunch break and the timer is going off when she hears the the door open, a tell-tale jingle of keys following it.
"Did all of you get stuck on the bridge?" Tilting her head to one side, she smiles as Maurice brushes a kiss on her cheek before dropping his is head to rest it on her shoulder.
"Got it in one." He sounds exhausted for not having gone to work, but considering the traffic jam that he certainly got stuck in the middle of she isn't surprised. 
With his skill set Maurice will likely always need to commute to the next city over - not Elmerton which is closer to Amity Park's size, but a more metropolitan city that headquarters the tech conglomerate he works for. It's a bit of a hike so Maurice carpools with some of his coworkers. Unfortunately, the river they cross is right around Amity's borders. The bridge that spans it is both long enough to catch a fair amount of cars and old enough to make it nearly impossible to turn anyone around.
Angela doesn't even want to try and imagine what it was like for them this morning. "How did you get out of that?" 
"Some of the authorities started driving our cars to the other side and then back over on the other side of the divided bridges." Came the muffled reply. "We had to walk back to our side of the river though."
"Isn't that nearly half a mile?" She asks, idly blocking her husband's wandering hand from grabbing at the still hot cupcakes she's just taking out of the tin.
"My feet hurt." He says in lieu of an answer, which is an answer in its own way Angela supposes.
"So go sit down." Blocking another grab, she uses one oven mitted hand to push him out of the room. "They still need to cool and be iced."
It takes them both a little while longer to get back up to their shared office space - which is usually just hers as Maurice's job asks that he comes into the office most days, but with the increasing impact of ghost attacks on their ability to make it there, he now has a little desk of his own.
He's still trying to explain to his manager - one of those corporate types who certainly doesn't believe the ghost stories, even if they're consistent across the two or three dozen workers who routinely get impacted - why he's so late as Angela quietly shakes her head and starts back in on her own work when the local news station cuts in with breaking news.
"This just in - Inviso-Bill clashes once more with other spectral entities near the city center." Angela looks over to see grainy footage of a familiar street corner with two glowing figures zipping back and forth, clearly having it out. "Witness reports state that there was mentions of a 'curse' and 'barriers' before the Fentons arrived on scene."
A familiar RV smashed through a sign and a park bench before the video cuts off, likely so that the person filming could get to a safer location. Angela shares a look with Maurice as the news anchor returns to the screen.
"It's unclear exactly what happened next, but we can confirm that the restriction on Amity Residents is now resolved." The news anchor continues, but Angela is having trouble hearing it over her husband's pained groan. She holds in her laughter (more relief that this problem was short term than anything) and shoots off an email to Pam, letting her know that barring any new issues, she should be in the office for tomorrow's meeting.
She still attaches the presentation's slide deck to the email just in case.
Maurice is just hanging up as she hits send and he leans back in his chair to throw an arm over his eyes.
"Looks like I can bring those cupcakes in for Tom's birthday after all." That gets the pained groan she anticipated and she smiles, she loves teasing him even when he can't see it. "Oh, cheer up. I made extra just for us to share."
Judging by the look of excitement on her husband's face, it'll probably be more like 'for us and Tucker's best friends', because she's certain that if she doesn't let her son know about the dessert there's a fair chance there won't be any left by the time he comes home and if she does message him they'll probably have a pair of hungry guests following him home right after school.
Well, that's never too bad, Angela supposes already thinking about what vegan options she has in the house in case Danny and Sam want to stay for dinner.
Their family loves living here because it's their home and home's always better with good company and good food. All in all, it's another successful Tuesday in Amity Park.
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9leaguesofmirrors · 9 months
Text
5 Times Ross and Lisgoe Definitely Weren't In Love (and 1 time they were)
I'm a sucker for "5 Times, 1 Time" fics, so I decided to make one for my current brainrot ship
When you live with someone for long enough, you grow used to seeing them everywhere. Even if you don't spend every waking moment attached at the hip, you'll see them going about their day at the same time as you. It gets to the point where not seeing them, when you know they're in the house, is a little jarring
Lisgoe had to get used to that quite quickly, since Ross likes to bring home work to do on his day off
He isn't clingy but, when they first started living together, when he was downstairs and hadn't heard so much as a shuffle upstairs for most of the day, he started to wonder if he's snuck off somewhere. Eventually, he decides to test the waters
"Ross, are you still there?"
No answer
"Ross?"
Still no answer
"Twat!"
No answer
OK, so he's definitely gone
Deciding to get to the bottom of this himself, Lisgoe got up and made his way upstairs
Once he reached the top floor, he noticed that the door to their bedroom was ajar, which suggested at Ross had either just left or just got back - if he even left at all. Lisgoe decided to take a quick peek through the space in the doorway, and that's when he saw him
Ross was sat at his desk (technically, they shared it, but he used it far more often) with a desk lamp on. There was a stack of books on one side, a laptop in front of him and another book propped open by his hand. Everything was in its place
What started as a "quick peek" turned into something that took a little longer. He wasn't staring, obviously, that's weird! This was just... something that wasn't staring! Truth be told, there was something about seeing Ross so focused that caught Lisgoe's attention and refused to let it go. Maybe it was the stillness of it, aside from nimble fingers flicking through pages and the clicking of keys. Or it was the way his brows furrowed in concentration as his knuckle rested on his lower lip
Yes, there was something about it that made it impossible to look away. And he'd come to the conclusion that it was Ross' fault. It wasn't a bad thing, but it was definitely his fault
"Staring is rude," Ross said, not looking up from his work "can I help you?"
"I thought you'd died." Came the casual response as Lisgoe opened the door and leaned against the doorframe "And looking is different to staring."
"I know. And you were definitely staring."
"Don't wank yourself off, I was just looking."
"What do you want?"
Instead of replying, he left his spot and went over to stand behind Ross to get a better look at the laptop screen. It was full of... there was lots of...
"What the fuck is this?"
"Data analysis"
"Right, I see it now."
"I assume you know what-"
"What do you think I do at my desk all day?"
"I don't know, you don't tell me about your job."
He didn't know what possessed him to ask, but it came out before he could stop himself:
"Tell me about it."
The way Ross blink rapidly and seemed to twitch his head to the side suggested that this was not what he expected to hear
"You want to hear my weekly evaluation?"
"I want to know if you actually understand what you type into that laptop."
Lisgoe knew damn well that Ross understood what he was typing, but it was the one method he knew would explain everything in detail. And it worked! He was completely in the zone, like a lecturer explaining to a keen student
Had he been less focused, he'd have noticed that Lisgoe hadn't looked at the laptop screen more than twice
○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○
There are things you expect to see in Royston Vasey: blood in Edmund Chinnery's veternary, pens in Pauline's office, Dean trying to interest some poor sod in his magic
What Ross didn't expect to see at the dead of night, after waking up randomly and realising his partner wasn't there, was finding him lying on the edge of the pavement a fair way out from their home. He didn't look injured or annoyed, in fact it was the rare sight of him looking almost peaceful, his eyes directly up at the sky
That was, of course, quickly ruined when he realised he was being watched
"Fuck off, Glenn, I don't have to deal with your shite after 4pm. It's clearly past 9."
"Have you been here all day then?"
That made him sit up suddenly, noticing who it was seemed to make him less cranky
"I've only been here for half an hour, maybe, I left the house at 11."
"It's currently 2:30 in the morning. You've been here for 3 and a half hours."
"Have I? Fuck, must've fallen asleep."
"What are you doing here? People are going to think you're homeless!" Ross took his arm and tried to yank him up "Get up, you don't know what people have done on this street."
"Get off, I'm fine!" Lisgoe said as he shook free from his grasp "It's 2:30, nobody's gonna see me. Besides, I've done this before, you've just never realised."
"Are you the newest member of Legz Whatever? Has their director got you method acting in preparation for his newest disaster?"
"Fuck off, you cheeky bastard!" Lisgoe shuffled a little, moving so he was facing the empty road "I come out here sometimes, only when I really hate things."
"What things?"
"Everything. Work mainly; sometimes it's fine, but sometimes I can't stand anything about it. I hate my job, I hate my co-workers, I hate my boss - especially hate my boss."
It was a this point that Ross remembered how little Lisgoe actually told him about his work. He knew he was a debt collector, he knew he had two stupid bozos working for him, but that's it
"I didn't even know you had a boss."
"Not many people do." Lisgoe couldn't help but laugh a little, there was something oddly empowering about the fact people assumed he was the man in charge "I'm Barry and Glenn's supervisor, Hammonds oversees everything. When those thick twats don't meet their target, I'm the one who gets it in the ear. He gave me a right telling off today, the gobshite. He doesn't give a fuck about those two, I'm the one who's meant to be making sure they reach their target each week. What am I? Nanny Mc-fucking-phee?"
Ross waited for a moment, then folded his jacket and put it on the floor beside Lisgoe. He sat down
"I've never met Hammonds, but he sounds like a wa- um, a very arrogant man."
"That's not what you were gonna say."
"I don't know what you mean."
"You were gonna swear!" Lisgoe said with a mischevious smile which Ross did not find handsome at all "I heard it, you were gonna call him a wanker!"
"No I wasn't."
"Come on Ross," Lisgoe teased, moving closer "you wanna call him what he is. We both know that. Nobody's around, let it go."
Ross leaned away slightly, refusing to give into his influence. This was met by Lisgoe laying back down with a huff, hands behind his head
"Aren't you a boring sod!"
"I'm not calling him that because that isn't what he is."
"Maybe you think that, I think-"
"He's a... prick"
At first, Lisgoe was taken aback, then he started to laugh a little
"It's funny when you hesitate before you swear, you're like a primary schooler saying 'crap' for the first time!"
"It's not that funny." Ross replied, but his sterness was weak. He was focused on the man beside him, who still seemed tickled by what had just happened
He had to admit, seeing Joseph Lisgoe's tough shell crack a little wasn't an unwelcome sight. If it happened again, at some point, not that it would, but if it did... he decided that he wouldn't mind
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"You're an idiot." Ross muttered as he held an ice bag to Lisgoe's cheek "I mean it. You're a complete idiot."
"Can you say it again?" Lisgoe snarked "I don't think I heard you the 6th time."
"One week, can you go one week without picking a fight with someone?"
"I don't know, can people go one week without testing my fucking patience?"
It didn't matter what Ross said, it wouldn't change Lisgoe's mind that the bastard deserved it. Actually no, he thought, I went easy on him. I was kind enough to give him a minor concussion instead of snapping his neck. Either way, it seemed that Ross was making sure his message came through, because he was pressing the ice down so hard on Lisgoe's cheek it was like he was trying to dislocate his jaw
"Do you have to press so hard? Or do you just want to give me another fucking injury?"
"If you don't want me doing this, then stop wanting to attack everyone that looks at you wrong. I don't find this enjoyable, seeing you come home with new injuries every day."
"You're exaggerating!" Lisgoe grabbed his arm and moved the ice away "And he was asking for it! I don't care what he had to say about me, he shouldn't have dragged you into it."
There wasn't a response after that. He leaned back on the sofa as Ross put the ice away, not speaking even he was sat back down
"Ross, don't do the 'silent treatment' shite. It annoying as fuck when people pull that-"
He hadn't noticed Ross leaning in until his lips pressed against his own. The first thought that crossed Lisgoe's mind was that asshole didn't let me finish. What made things worse was, as soon as he pulled away to say something, he just pulled him in again roughly
It pissed him off, how easily Ross affected him. The last thing he wanted was to be affected like this, to need this: those hands, that mouth, just... It felt so fucking pathetic every time and yet he couldn't stop himself. It wasn't just adrenaline, it was like an anchor weighing him into place. His nails dug into Ross' back tightly, and he revelled in the sound he produced
Out of everything, that was the one thing Lisgoe hated about the way he felt. Royston Vasey knew him as impenetrable, and he was! Nobody dared to challenge him because everyone knew he wouldn't be stopped. That was who he was, unwavering and authoritative
So why did he react so erratically when that man threatened Ross earlier? Why did the mere thought of Pauline make him want to storm right into that Job Centre and turn her inside out? And why the fuck, whenever Ross kisses him, even for a second, does it make his brain shut off for the duration of it? He wished he could come up with an answer, but his brain was short-circuiting and Ross had his lower lip in his teeth...
He hated it. He truly fucking hated it. But he didn't at the same time
As he felt Ross's hand move up his shirt, he thought this is going to kill me
Then, as he pushed Ross backwards against the sofa, he thought what a fucking way to go!
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The next morning came far too quickly
Neither could remember when they ended up in their bed, but it happened. Clearly. Because Ross had woken up and was laying on his side, looking at the back of a sleeping Lisgoe. Instantly, his eyes were drawn to the tattoo that decorated his back - a large snake slithering up to his neck. Ross thought it made Lisgoe look like a member of the Japanese mafia which, he supposed, was partly the point. Still, it made him look infuriatingly good; when Ross first slept with Lisgoe, he was less disturbed by the fact he liked doing it with guys and was more confused by the fact it was the first instance in which he wasn't massively put off by someone's tattoos - especially given how many Lisgoe had
Before he could stop himself, he slowly reached out and touched his shoulder, running his fingers gently down the black marking... next thing he knew, he's been back-handed in the face by a very surprised Lisgoe
"Fucking hell..." he muttered when he finally realised who it was, still slightly groggy from tiredness "What was that?"
"That was me, you moron!" Ross was clutching his face, clearly feeling the sting
"I know that," he turned onto his other side, facing the man he just hit "what were you doing?"
"Nothing."
A pause. They both knew that was a lie, Lisgoe wasn't accustom to smacking Ross in the face
"I was just looking at your tattoo," he explain, reaching for his glasses on the bedside table and putting them on "I didn't realise that warrented a smack in the mouth!"
"I didn't do it on purpose! You know unexpected touches put in fight-mode, I raised my hand, you were too close, you got hit!" Lisgoe looked at the red mark on his cheek and asked, in an uncharacteristically soft voice "Are you OK?"
Ross was caught off-guard by the quiet, half-whispered tone. It actually made his chest jump a little, but only because it was so unexpected! Yes, it was like a jumpscare... but nicer
"It just hurts," he answered, more confused than in pain "a lot."
"Oh give over. I didn't hit you that hard, you big bitch! It's not like I'm gentle with you when we're fucking, anyway!"
"Thank god," Ross felt himself smile a little upon hearing that familiar, snappy tone "for one horrible moment, I thought you were developing compassion."
"Nah, not a chance!"
Lisgoe was lying on his back now, which meant Ross could see even more of his tattoos. Maybe it was the fact they were just a neutral monochrome that made them look OK (well, more than OK), or maybe, and this was a frightening thought, Ross liked tattoos on Lisgoe specifically
He faced the ceiling
That was the one thing that truly set his teeth on edge: Joseph Nigel Lisgoe was an exception to all his rules. Don't get involved with the wrong sort: the sort with tattoos and vulgar language, the sort that settle disputes with their fists and find books a waste of time
What made things worse is that no only had every rule been broken, but it turned out that they were all based on incorrect conclusions. Lisgoe may not have been good with logic or reasoning, but he could tell you everything about niche subjects like medieval torture methods, famous cults, and serial killers - hell, he'd probably truly enjoy reading a book on the subject if he didn't find the act of reading so difficult. He didn't get tattoos because they made him look intimidating, he could do that without ink on his skin, he just thought they looked cool. And Ross learned that, despite everything, he wasn't a hypocrite; whatever you gave, he gave back. Direspect, attitude, favours: he repaid it in full - maybe not in the way you expect it, but he did. Lisgoe wasn't a kind or even a forgiving person, but he wasn't dishonest
When he thought about it, Ross realised that he really couldn't predict anything about Lisgoe the same way he did for everyone he met. But, for the first time, he didn't want to. He didn't want to look for patterns in his behaviour and try to figure out his next move. For once, he'd met someone he didn't want to analyse - he just wanted him as he was
And that thought alone went against everything he'd taught himself
Joseph Lisgoe, in many ways, was a jumpscare
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First thing Lisgoe thought when he came home from work:
Well. That was shite
It wasn't like he hated his job normally, some days just felt worse than others. This was one of those days; it was as it Barry, Glenn and Hammonds were in cahoots today, banding together in order to make Lisgoe's life a misery. All he hoped for was that he could come and forget it all happened
The first thing he noticed was Ross Gaines, in his dressing gown (this evening seems to be looking up), pouring a glass of white wine (ah, that explains it)
"You've had it shite as well then?"
"What gave it away?"
"The wine, you only drink white when you're pissed off. I don't even think you like the taste."
"Well, you don't exactly look happy yourself." Ross took another glass from the cupboard and a bottle of red "Lucky for you, these came together. Shut up, Joseph."
"I didn't say anything!" Lisgoe grabbed the bottle and took a large gulp
"I saw the look on your face, you were going to make a dirty joke. And stop drinking out the bottle, there's a glass right there."
"I know."
"I can't stand it when you drink out of the bottle."
"I know."
"Then why do you keep doing it?"
"I have free will, dickhead!" Lisgoe retorted with a smug look as he took another swig of wine before putting it down on the counter and pulling Ross towards him "And pissing you off makes my day so much better."
"You're insufferable, you know that right?" Ross' focus darted to Lisgoe's mouth, then back to his eyes "A real pain in the arse."
"And you have the personality of a fucking dish-cloth."
Lisgoe kissed the corner of his mouth (which did not affect Ross Gaines at all), then took a step back to actually pour himself a glass of wine. He raised it up, to which Ross did the same. They then took a sip
Neither could explain why, but they started to feel a little better than they felt a few moments ago
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"I told you, you need to quit!"
"I'll quit on my own terms, Joseph. I don't need you to tell me when to do things."
They were having an argument in their kitchen. Not one of their meaningless, amusing games - they were both annoyed at each other. Ross had come home with a bruised arm thanks to an altercation with Pauline, and Lisgoe had gotten mad and told him to quit on the spot. Of course, Ross tried to explain that finances meant he couldn't, and quitting would mean unemployment - which would mean Pauline had even more power over him. He had to bide his time, make a plan
Lisgoe wouldn't hear it
"Either you enjoy getting used as a punching bag or you're more of a stubborn bastard than I am! There are other jobs, and you're more qualified than any of those incompetant shites!"
"Oh, and I'm supposed to believe that's the only reason you're so against me working there?"
"... What?"
"Those... defamatory and false rumours that I had sex with her." Ross' face was smug, as if he'd cracked the Enigma Code "We both know you have a jealousy problem, are you scared it'll happen again?"
Then there was silence. If looks could kill, Ross would probably have been brutally murdered. Lisgoe could brutally murder him right now
"First of all, wipe that fucking look off your face." His voice was quiet yet sharp "Secondly, don't ever bring that up again."
"Let me live my life and I'll let you live yours."
"Sure Ross!" He snapped, clearly done with the conversation "I'll let you live your fucking life! Pauline can do what she wants with you! I'm going." With that, he was up the stairs like a bullet from a gun
Ross watched him, knowing damn well how screwed he was. When Lisgoe said something, he meant it. He wasn't going to wait for anyone to stop him, if he said he was going, he was going and gone for good. Something about that notion made him want to throw up
Before he could stop himself, he was following. Halfway up the second flight of stairs, he finally caught up and grabbed Lisgoe's wrist
"I'm not letting you leave."
It was stated like a fact, the objective truth
"Is that right?" Came the reply, dripping with malice "And what are you gonna do to stop me?"
"Nothing. I'm just not letting you leave?"
"Why's that?"
"Because I love you."
That snapped Lisgoe right out of his angered trance. His face seemed to glitch into one of shock and confusion. Is this a mind game? He thought Is he trying to mess with me? He studied Ross' demeanour: slightly tense, his muscles were contracted, but his face was earnest - like he'd told Lisgoe something that couldn't be disputed
"Why are you telling me this now? When I'm packing my shite and fucking off?"
"That's exactly it. No point hiding it now, I've been waiting for the right moment to say it for ages. I don't like using the word, it's too dangerous - too much risk of it backfiring. I'm probably not going to say it again for a long time, so make the most of this. But I know you, and I know that you meant it when you said you were going. And I don't want that."
"So you said it to get me to stay?"
"Why else does anyone say it? I know I'm not going to find someone else I can say it to and mean it, you're rare. I'm not going to love someone else the way I love you. Never. And that's unnerving."
What else do I say to that? Was the thought that immediately burst into Lisgoe's mind How does someone respond to that? In spite of himself, he started to laugh - which clearly wasn't the right response
"Joseph, why are you laughing? What are you laughing for? I'm being serious."
"I'm sorry Ross, but I can't believe you. I mean, let's look at this factually - I know you like doing that. What about me is worth loving? What even is there to like?"
What hit Ross wasn't what he'd said, it was the tone. As if he'd accepted that he was so unworthy of positive regard that the very idea of it was laughable. All he could do was listen to Lisgoe and approach it the way he knew best - factually
"You're blunt to the point of rudeness, but I only think that because you say what I need to know not what I want to hear. You have this... annoyingly fascinating way of reading body language and facial expressions that leads you into fights. But it also means you know when I want to be left alone. Basically, your 'bad parts' work in my favour."
Now neither of them knew what to say, they'd gone from being so guarded... to whatever this was
"I like-"
"Joseph, leave it."
"No, I want to-"
"I know it's awkward, you don't have-"
"Shut the fuck up!"
"Alright then."
"I like... fuck, now I've forgotten how to word it! ... you can't here someone's problems without inserting your own opinion, but it always makes sense - you look for solutions instead of bitching. You have a fucked-up, dry sense of humour, but I do too, so we laugh while everyone looks at us like we're sick. And you never like giving me the last word, you always have some kind of rebuttal. You challenge me. It makes things fun, but you always find a way to call out my bullshit. I need someone like that." Lisgoe looked down at his wrist "And I like when you let go of my wrist, which you've been gripping onto for 5 fucking minutes!"
Even more embarrassed, though he tried to hide it, Ross let go
"There's also the physical shite," Lisgoe continued with a shrug "but that's-"
Whatever he was going to say died in his throat, because Ross had pulled him into a kiss, letting his back press against the wall behind him. Lisgoe's hands were around his throat gently
"For the record," Ross' voice came out hoarse "I wasn't thinking about Pauline when I was with her."
"So it did happen," Lisgoe started to bite and kiss along his jawline "you lying bastard!"
"Maybe it did, but my mind was elswhere." He could feel his partner at his neck and tried to keep his voice steady "Some debt collector that came knocking on my door once, maybe you know him?"
"Yeah? What's his name?"
"Barry Baggs."
"Get fucked!" Lisgoe gave him a hard shove, but the laugh that followed showed he didn't take it personally
"I'd say that encapsulates your goal, wouldn't you?"
"After that, you can finish in your hand!"
Lisgoe moved up the stairs, but only made it two steps before he was pulled in again. This time, the kiss was slower, the movements less frantic and the electricity buzzing rather than sparking
Nothing else needed to be said
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