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aureutr · 5 months

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Health update, featuring: DIAGNOSIS

I have been a chronic pain patient for a few years now. It's difficult to fully articulate how much pain changes your life, unless you are someone who has lived it or had a loved one live it.

Pain sucked away my energy and brainpower. I found myself sleeping more and more, first in naps after work then I was regularly calling out half days just to sleep. All the while, I was seeing doctor after doctor in hopes that someone would have an answer.

No one did. At first, it was almost a relief. It wasn't cancer, after all. But then the relief turned into disappointment and quickly into resignation. Labs were fine, X-ray was clear, CT was good. It should have been good news, except I still hurt all of the time and no one could tell me why.

The pain got worse. It peaked in Autumn 2022, when I finally got my first sliver of relief. Gabapentin kept the pain in control enough that I no longer had to regularly sleep half of the day, but it made me foggy. Still, it was easier to manage than the brain fog from pain, so I took it.

I still take it, and I’m on quite the high dose. It’s given me a semblance of a life back, but it’s not the answer or a cure. I still napped, I still hurt too much to even walk around a store for more than an hour or so. And, if I did, it would be my only activity for the day.

I lost my job late last year. I don’t believe it was because of the time I had to take, it was a mass layoff, but I’m certain it did not help. That, at least, ended up fine. I found a job I prefer with far better pay within a few months. And they’re, so far, understanding that I’m working through health problems.

But being unemployed was still a stressor, and I had learned that stress was integral to my pain. When I was stressed, it was worse. When I was calm, it was bearable.

I’ll skip describing another round of tests and hypotheses that went nowhere. In October 2023, my husband and I went to the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic or John Hopkins (I am being intentionally vague here). This was our second time visiting, the first gave us absolutely nothing.

A nurse practitioner took a very quick look at me, too quick for our comfort, and declared the issue muscular. She recommended physical therapy. It seemed too simple, really. After all of that, all that money spent and time invested? It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried some exercise, but when moving makes your pain worse and worse pain zaps your energy, that’s difficult to maintain.

Still, I wasn’t going to turn my nose up at anything at this point. And it’s a damn good thing I didn’t.

The physical therapist I ended up seeing told me I had the strongest pelvic floor she’s ever seen. And that’s not a good thing. I have apparently taken literal decades worth of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, and any other negative emotion you can think of, and held them taut there, keeping my pelvic muscles almost constantly tensed.

And when you tense that much for that long, dysfunction arises.

My official diagnosis is Pelvic Floor Disorder. All of my PT has been focused on stretching, no strength training or cardio. I’m retraining my body to relax, to let go.

It has been amazing.

At the time of writing, I’ve been going to sessions for about six weeks. Already, I am eager to walk our dogs every day. I’ve gone out on my own or with friends to move.

The pain is not gone. But it is so much less that my pain clinic doctor is discussing reducing my gabapentin in a couple of months. And with decreased pain comes decreased brain fog.

Decreased brain fog means not only an improvement in my professional work, but space for fandom. I’ve written more than I’ve shared, lots of short private stuff for friends, but I haven’t had enough organized thought to re-approach the stories I put on hold.

I can’t promise anything, of course, but I hope that can change soon. I’ve been dabbling in Distant Echoes again, and it’s fun to be back in that world.

I’m not well. But I’m better. I’m so, so much better.

#real life #tmi #health update #Emotions as pain sounds like a fake Star Wars thing I know #but it’s apparently not #and I have a side of CPTSD to go along with it #I don’t get into that in this post #maybe in another one #this is the What moreso than the Why #though it touches on the Why #anyway I’m babbling #this is where I’ve been #this is where I’d like to be #writing #my writing

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shandycandy278 · 8 months

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Me: ugh I’m so bored. What games can I play on my phone bc I don’t want the TV’s background noise to stop just cause I wanna play a game. Probably won’t last long, it’s hard to get invested in mobile games lol

Me: *sees a game I’ve seen a couple adds for but nothing more* weird what are you doing in my recommended? I thought you were a dating sim styled thing.

Me, 36 hours later, having done nothing but play the “dating sim” mobile game: this is not a freaking dating sim what do you MEAN you’re not a dating sim what do you MEAN you’re an all boy school isekai-type deal wHY AM I SO INVESTED NOW-

#random #if you normally see me active and have been wondering where I’ve been #this #this is where I’ve been #I’m LOSING my MIND #on one hand I’m so glad it’s not a dating sim #but I’m the other hand it has so much potential for a dating sim #but on the OTHER hand I find it so funny bc it’s an all boy school and there’s no questions about gender or anything #so all the characters think you’re a dude #but I am more feminine/non-binary than that #and I am slowly bursting into giggling fits of the idea of MC being fem but masc enough to pass #and NO ONE REALIZES IT #LIKE IN OHSHC #WITH HARUHI #CRYING LAUGHING ROLLING ON THE FLOOR

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eddieschains · 6 months

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my sim is cute or whateva

#angel talks #this is where i’ve been #on sims all day everyday

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silentgrim · 1 year

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ayo! i’m going to draw ur sims for practice,,,watch out for ur inbox. if u want me to draw ur sim pls send me a pic mucho thanks. btw here’s what my current art style looks like—

#ITS FOR PRACTICE #as u can see i have much to learn #if it turns out pretty i’ll send it to you!#it’s free btw duh #i can’t draw hair for shit #idk what it is #anyway #this is where I’ve been #i’ll probably open the sims some time soon #k bye!#my art #chatter

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whipbogard · 9 months

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My favourite Jason Todd fanon

#Jason Todd #Red Hood #wppyart #like where did this come from even??#anyway I’ve been baking a lot lately so this is highly relatable to me

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aristoteliancomplacency · 1 year

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It’s that time of year again. Courtesy of digitalhammurabi.com

Addition about the image, courtesy of Twitter user @lui_log: wrt the background image, which is a stone plaque showing a winged goddess flanked by owls: “Also, we don't know whether this is a depiction of Ishtar, as the piece has been looted, thus has no archaeological context that could point us to whom it shows. Nor does it bear an inscription. The owls could mean that it is Ishtar's sister Ereshkigal, Goddess of the Underworld.”

#I Hope the alt Text feature on this site works properly now bc that’s where I’ve been putting the alt text bc I forgot it used to be broken #Ishtar #Easter #tagamemnon

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twinstxrs · 1 month

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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

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sivsii · 2 years

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I sincerely hope every artist gets to have the experience of falling in love with their art someday. even if you have to fight for it. i think we all deserve to look at the result of our creativity all giddy and go holy shit, I loved making this! I love the lines I put down and the colors I used and the indulgences I’ve taken. I love seeing things I liked and taking it for my own, pushing and molding and playing. I can’t wait to do it again

#art stuff #maybe this is just me being all mushy or whatever but GOD #i used to hate my art so fucking much #i used to hate the act of creating so deeply that putting pen to paper knotted up my insides #and I don’t know HOW I grew through that but I did! i genuinely thought it was the end of such an important part of who I am #but it wasn’t!#and now for the last few years I’ve been consistently able to look at my art and feel proud of myself? like holy shit I made this!#i have such good taste!#and there have been times where I’ve hated the process or been dissatisfied with theresult ofc #art is fucking hard #art block and burnout is a bitch #but Ive still been able to look at the sum of my journey and just feel. satisfied. and accomplished #eager for growth but still proud of what I’ve made #idk #we all deserve that someday

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rinisdrawing · 8 months

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cozy summer afternoons

#fnaf #fnaf security breach #fnaf sb #fnaf ruin #five nights at freddy's #fnaf fanart #glamrock freddy #gregory fnaf #fnaf gregory #vanessa fnaf #fnaf vanessa #3 star family #ever since it was confirmed that the 3 star family ending was canon i’ve been itching to draw these guys again #i wanted to set this sometime after sb and before ruin!#i imagine that theres peaceful moments where greg is making comics and fred is talking to him and ness is developing code for mxes #also for mobile users i’m terribly sorry if the quality is super bad.. this got compressed bc of how large of a canvas it was </3 #i tried encapsulating as much of gregory’s personality and interests as i could bc i rlly wanted this to feel like his room #(peep the lil mario and luigi statues above greg’s bed hehe)#and yes i did reuse the photo booth pic i drew a few months back.. just a personal lil easter egg :)#rin’s artchive

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chloesimaginationthings · 21 days

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Are you more of FNAF or Jojo? (Ofc you will then say, I can be both-)

Why pick when they are so similar/hj

#ask reply #I GOT asked this recently on insta as well!#to sum it up I do like both!#JJBA and FNAF are probably the two series I’ve been most obsessed with?#where I literally draw it everyday #I adore both these series sm #and for very different reasons so it’s hard to truly compare them #though FNAF may be more near and dear to my heart #just cause I have nostalgia bias with it #JJBA is a newer thing but obviously it really hit right for me #anyway I’m spitting here #I could of kept going with comparisons but insta stories only have sm room

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watchyourbuck · 22 days

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There’s a tiny moment right before Tommy kisses Buck when you can see him glance to the side, and it just hit me that he’s weighing the signs in his head, trying to decide whether what he’s picking up on is really what Buck wants – unconsciously. It’s a fraction of a second, but the mere fact that he arrives to the conclusion that yes, Evan Buckley wants to be kissed, and yes by a man, yes by him, is enough to make me cry.

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tadpole-apocalypse · 2 months

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I feel bad, the drow twins always come close to winning my npc polls but never quite manage to make it to the end. So I wanted to do a quick sketch because I know some of you were rooting for them 😌

#baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #sorn orlith #nym orlith #drow twins #my art #i’ve been contemplating a storyline where morgan knows them from before the game events #still thinking it over

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pencilscratchins · 2 years

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when there’s trouble you know who to call (twitter) [ID in ALT]

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laidenbreecatchall · 3 months

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Simple sketches of the loves. Oda draws Law like a 6 year old when that little guy is like 13 right?? He’s a shitty little traumatized 13 year old??? I wanted to draw him more 13 and less baby (though I won’t lie I love all the art of little law all small and squish).

Edit: I just got to dressrosa btw and haven't formally watched Laws back story. All I know is through fandom osmosis 😔✌️. But I can't help myself from drawing them, my beloveds.

Psst... Commissions Open

#idk if he looks thirteen man #teenagers are just small adults right???#I looked the same as I do now but shorter and more moody #I also wanna draw him right after his growth spurt where he’s a lanky ass 15-16 year old and penguin and Shachi are all like -#‘why did him and Bepo get huge?! they were the small ones?!?!’#I like thinking about them #I’ve also been thinking about what if Cora fucking lived man ;-;#I haven’t even gotten to Laws backstory with Cora yet I don’t even know the details #sigh #one piece #trafalgar law #my art #ryeart #trafalgar d water law #art #sketches #corazon #donquixote rosinante #donquixote corazon

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sopuu · 3 months

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missing them hours

#mcsm #minecraft story mode #mcsm fanart #my doodles #mcsm jesse #mcsm lukas #sopuuart #hii it’s been a while since i’ve drawn them huh;;#i didn’t forget them! basically i had a few months last year of feeling unsatified with anything i made that’s mcsm related for some reason #which got to the point where i had a slight burnout #all good though!! taking the hiatus and working on underevent helped a lot!#now i can draw them again without getting upset at all :) back to sketch hoarding lol

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universe-of-peoples · 3 months

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I think I’ve been disappointed by Super Bowl halftime shows ever since Katy Perry set the bar too high in 2015. Like, come on. The aerial entrance? The giant moving light-up tiger? Fricken Left Shark which became a meme. All the outfit changes. Like don’t get me wrong there have been some cool half-time shows since then, but not on Katy Perry’s level.

#where’s the theatrics #the technology #I keep getting my hopes up too high #I want something I can’t take my eyes off of but I just keep getting bored #super bowl #superbowl #super bowl 2024 #superbowl 2024 #half time show #super bowl halftime show #katy perry #left shark #football #shitpost #relatable #also this isn’t just about Usher I promise #this is something I’ve been thinking every year since 2015

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