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aureutr · 5 months

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Health update, featuring: DIAGNOSIS

I have been a chronic pain patient for a few years now. It's difficult to fully articulate how much pain changes your life, unless you are someone who has lived it or had a loved one live it.

Pain sucked away my energy and brainpower. I found myself sleeping more and more, first in naps after work then I was regularly calling out half days just to sleep. All the while, I was seeing doctor after doctor in hopes that someone would have an answer.

No one did. At first, it was almost a relief. It wasn't cancer, after all. But then the relief turned into disappointment and quickly into resignation. Labs were fine, X-ray was clear, CT was good. It should have been good news, except I still hurt all of the time and no one could tell me why.

The pain got worse. It peaked in Autumn 2022, when I finally got my first sliver of relief. Gabapentin kept the pain in control enough that I no longer had to regularly sleep half of the day, but it made me foggy. Still, it was easier to manage than the brain fog from pain, so I took it.

I still take it, and I’m on quite the high dose. It’s given me a semblance of a life back, but it’s not the answer or a cure. I still napped, I still hurt too much to even walk around a store for more than an hour or so. And, if I did, it would be my only activity for the day.

I lost my job late last year. I don’t believe it was because of the time I had to take, it was a mass layoff, but I’m certain it did not help. That, at least, ended up fine. I found a job I prefer with far better pay within a few months. And they’re, so far, understanding that I’m working through health problems.

But being unemployed was still a stressor, and I had learned that stress was integral to my pain. When I was stressed, it was worse. When I was calm, it was bearable.

I’ll skip describing another round of tests and hypotheses that went nowhere. In October 2023, my husband and I went to the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic or John Hopkins (I am being intentionally vague here). This was our second time visiting, the first gave us absolutely nothing.

A nurse practitioner took a very quick look at me, too quick for our comfort, and declared the issue muscular. She recommended physical therapy. It seemed too simple, really. After all of that, all that money spent and time invested? It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried some exercise, but when moving makes your pain worse and worse pain zaps your energy, that’s difficult to maintain.

Still, I wasn’t going to turn my nose up at anything at this point. And it’s a damn good thing I didn’t.

The physical therapist I ended up seeing told me I had the strongest pelvic floor she’s ever seen. And that’s not a good thing. I have apparently taken literal decades worth of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, and any other negative emotion you can think of, and held them taut there, keeping my pelvic muscles almost constantly tensed.

And when you tense that much for that long, dysfunction arises.

My official diagnosis is Pelvic Floor Disorder. All of my PT has been focused on stretching, no strength training or cardio. I’m retraining my body to relax, to let go.

It has been amazing.

At the time of writing, I’ve been going to sessions for about six weeks. Already, I am eager to walk our dogs every day. I’ve gone out on my own or with friends to move.

The pain is not gone. But it is so much less that my pain clinic doctor is discussing reducing my gabapentin in a couple of months. And with decreased pain comes decreased brain fog.

Decreased brain fog means not only an improvement in my professional work, but space for fandom. I’ve written more than I’ve shared, lots of short private stuff for friends, but I haven’t had enough organized thought to re-approach the stories I put on hold.

I can’t promise anything, of course, but I hope that can change soon. I’ve been dabbling in Distant Echoes again, and it’s fun to be back in that world.

I’m not well. But I’m better. I’m so, so much better.

#real life #tmi #health update #Emotions as pain sounds like a fake Star Wars thing I know #but it’s apparently not #and I have a side of CPTSD to go along with it #I don’t get into that in this post #maybe in another one #this is the What moreso than the Why #though it touches on the Why #anyway I’m babbling #this is where I’ve been #this is where I’d like to be #writing #my writing

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petscoboba · 27 days

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I want Toby Fox three years after the last chapter to make a game where it's just the Fun Gang going on a road trip to the east coast to go fishing. They raid a gas station on the way to grabs snacks for the road (and the lobsters they catch). Happy April Fool's.

#deltarune #susie deltarune #noelle deltarune #noelle holiday #kris dreemurr #fishing momence #I have one more page I wanted to draw for this little idea #but i'll have to get to it at a later date when i've got more energy #in reality this idea started as a way for me to draw kris happy after highschool #i relate to kris' lethargy a lot-- so i wanted to see them still trying to make the most of it despite their depressive nature #(perhaps if kris can find a way out maybe i can too?)#it's hard. it's really hard when you feel like you've got really nothing to look towards to #but i hope they can find meaning anyways. i hope they smile one day and i hope it's a real one #pssstt! chronologically this post takes place after another comic i have planned in the midst. it'll take 10 years to complete but one day.#that comic. will not be a happy one #heeeheehoohoo

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saintforan · 2 months

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I think this lil guy reminds him of someone

ignore how messy it is, its like 5 am here n i needed 2 get this out of my system

#art #artists on tumblr #digital art #digital illustration #poppy playtime #poppy playtime 3 #poppy playtime chapter 3 #smiling critters #dogday #catnap #fun fact #i realized mid way through this that the lil guys were the merchable version of the big ones #i just thought they were another brand of toy or smth like that #maybe im just dumb #still love them tho #i need 2 buy them but im broke

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puppyeared · 8 months

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learned something about myself lately

#i dont think its even the fact almost all my characters are somewhat beasts in one way or another. i just #really like tails and wish i had one myself #and then my oc designs are a little tame theyre mostly human shaped with animal features. but they always have tails #my eyes have recently been opened to the appeal of long whiplike unicorn tails.. so flowy and curly #something about the tuft at the end being long and swirly just does something for me..#maybe it would make sense to change auggies tail shape so it looks like a meteor. her design is mainly pink with hot pink accent #so it would be cool to use that and orange to make it look like a fire meteor.. maybe itll help complement the blue/green in her design #head full of ocs today so expect a ramble later #if i had a tail i think it would be long with a kink. so it kind of folds over once but not in a curl #when it wags its kind of a swaying motion. i have thought about this a normal amount #yapping

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araneapeixes · 3 months

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fuck it. sketch poast

#i have 3 comms to finish rhen i finish this then maybe another one for me THEN id like to open coms again:)#so idk when i finish this so i wanted to shareee #its the first time ive drawn all of them #i decided to do modern clothes just because but the added bonus of not having to draw armor is a life saver #anyways whoever wins gets to fuck shadowheart in the bathroom #its not the point of the arm wrestle or anything but it is an implied outcome #bg3 #sketch #karlach #lae’zel #shadowheart #astarion #gale dekarios #wyll ravengard #bg3 tav

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syea-say · 6 months

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The finale of a never-ending masquerade.

AQ 4.2 spoilers.

#fontaine writing cooked so hard #furina...my love... i'll give you all the hugs and macaroni that you ever wanted #ok maybe not all macaroni my funds are limited #genshin impact #genshin #digital art #my art #genshin furina #furina #neuvillette #focalors #genshin 4.2 #I CRIED #another one to the speedrun pile i am so swamped #i hope everyone enjoys the 4.2 story T_T #blessing your furina pulls

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kittykalliarts · 5 months

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For decades, the blank vision that Iudex Neuvillette wears near his heart has been subject to much discussion in Fontaine. Nobody remembers who it had once belonged to or why the ancient dragon protected it so jealously. It is said that if the Chief Justice would to stare at it for a long while, it would be sure to rain right after. Oh, how beloved that person must've been.

#genshin impact #genshin fanart #neuvillette #visions #wriolette #wriollette #neuvithesley #myart #sorry for the short drabble?#kasndkansd i have emotions over a simple thought i had #the tragedy for someone eternal to fall for someone who's here for only a brief moment eats away at me hhhh #it started with a funny thought of IF neuvillette needs to carry a fake vision for some reason after laughing at the archons for it #and then i remembered how people like kazuha would hold onto their loved one's masterless vision after they died #one thing led to another and now we have some wriolette angst with neuvillette cherishing wrio's masterless vision #after his inevitable passing #and idk if its just the traveller or if its even canon #but i like to think that neuv being a sovereign he would be able to hear the ambition of one's vision and maybe just maybe #he can use wrio's masterless vision to listen to his voice albeit ever so softly

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soosoosoup · 7 days

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snowzone

#dreamworks trolls #trolls #trolls john dory #trolls bruce #trolls clay #trolls floyd #trolls branch #brozone #kinda missing the snow #while I'm glad it's not so cold anymore; I am not looking forward to how hot it gets #their sleds are walnut shells!! would a walnut shell make a good sled? probably not but it's cute so... walnut sled!#wanted to give bitty b one of those baby cow earmuffs and it spiraled to this lol #also saw some panels of dungeon meshi where young elves where these hats. truly inspired #haven't read/watched it yet but i can tell i would totally love it #I'm thinking of maybe making this my banner? it's like accidentally the correct size #trolls fanart #excuse the messiness #my art <3 #trolls band together #i have another snowzone drawing but im not really vibing with it.#thinking of maybe posting those discarded sketches under like... a scrapyard tag #there's only like 2 sketches so far lol #sorry I haven’t posted some broppy in a bit #been having some trouble with it coming out a little stiff. so I’m thinking that some good old brozone can refresh my system lol

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skateisawesome · 4 months

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i saw 4 whole other people so this so here i go!

if this gets 2k notes by february 14th i will:

start therapy (or at least see a counsellor)

dedicate more time to learning french

start writing again

start a skincare routine

i really doubt that will happen but we'll see!

#tumblr #2k notes #skateisawesome #OH AND #if this succeeds then i might do another one (maybe)

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twinstxrs · 1 month

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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

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starrjoy · 3 months

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hey guys...

Earlier this week, I accidentally deleted my @starrjoy account while trying to delete an old sideblog. I unfortunately haven't heard from support on a way to recover it yet, so I guess it's time to just start over </3 If you could help me out by reblogging this post and refollowing here and @pandoraaucomic , I'd much appreciate it. I'll be slowly working on reposting everything in the upcoming weeks if i get bad news from support. While losing a following I've been building for over a year and a half is certainly sad, I've been a little more stressed financially since I am a full time artist and run most if not all of my commissions through tumblr. With my current contract ending in a few weeks, any and all monetary help would be greatly appreciated.

ily guys, sorry i'm DUMB

#maybe one day we can do another sandwich stream <3 #starrjoy #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #pandora au #p!au

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buildoblivionthenwewilltalk · 4 months

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#said with love of course #tbf one time it was actually the master 😅#maybe this time lads #THIS time it’ll be the ra- *gun shots*#doctor who #spoilers #the church on ruby Road #oooo just seen another punter with the meddling monk #if we keep this up we’ll get through the whole deca #other names I’ve heard in the last 15 minutes #romana #rassilon #tecteun #iris #Brax #never change nerds

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radiance1 · 4 months

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Inspired by this post because I have some thoughts about this one au.

So, Damian stuffs his shadow twin into the body of an unfinished clone, and somehow it just got worse really. Danny mostly just stuck to him whenever he was a shadow, and hide from basically everyone else.

But now that he has a body?

Sheer and utter chaos.

First of all, was the Batfamily's reaction to Danny. He explained who exactly Danny was, and it pained Bruce to only know now that he had another son that was killed because he was born with a birth defect.

Meanwhile Danny, feral child who may or may not have shadow powers with the maturity of a ten-year-old and the emotional maturity to match. Does not give a single care of what Bruce or anyone that isn't Damian feels.

Damian, meanwhile, is trying to stop him from putting a rat in his mouth because, as much as he loves his brother, he does dislike his specific trait to put basically anything in his mouth.

As a shadow creature? That would be fine.

As a human? No. He does not want his brother to get a disease.

So he is currently trying to wrangle his brother and trying to get him to spit out the rat, and he succeeds, and the rat runs off. Only for a spike of shadow to spear the rat right one through, leaving Damian stunned, and in that time frame the spike whipped back, the rat went in his brother's mouth, and he swallowed.

He looked down at Danny, only to find a tail of shadows peeking out from his back, horns and clawed hands and feet covered in shadows.

And him chewing on the rat.

Damian, did the only thing he could even think to do at that moment.

He smacked his brother's head and chided him for eating something who could have been who knows where.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dc x dp crossover #Danny holds some power over shadow's because he's a shadow child #Tail horns and clawed limbs #Maybe he should even have pawbs too-?#Who knows #Certainly not me #Will Bruce think about how he failed another of his children #A biological one at that?#Probably #Who knows it's Bruce Wayne ie Batman so

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puppyeared · 3 months

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me when the laikas comet. is this anything

@laikascomet

#tumblr wont let me upload the audio file >:( do me a favor and put caramelldansen on in another tab #with any luck itll eventually sync to the music #i originally wanted to do this with Yue but his ears and coat are hard to animate so i decided to go with mars lol #maybe next time ill do laika leek spin...... Ievan Polka was one of my favorites as a kid #i just realized procreate dreams is already out but i dont have money so i just made this in regular ass procreate lol #i like how this turned out ^_^#my art #myart #fanart #laika's comet #laikas comet #mars #fur #furry art #gif #caramelldansen #edit: sped it up a little #flashing #flashing images

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royalarchivist · 4 months

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Tubbo: What was wrong with the timing?!

Pac: You did it in the worst possible timing! Everything was–

Bagi: I think we ruined the kiss.

Everyone:

Pac: It– it wasn't the kiss, more– you know? It was– *mumbles*

Tubbo: IT WAS MORE?! IT WAS MORE?! ON THE FIRST DATE?!

Bagi: WE DON'T NEED THE DETAILS!

Fit: That's not what he meant!

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seaquestions · 7 months

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making pokemikus based on ur fav pokemon: pachimiku & kuromiku! ⚡🐿️☠️🦇

[ID: image 1: a drawing of hatsune miku as a pachirisu-themed pokemon trainer. her hair is based on pachirisu's squirrel tail. she's wearing an athletic outfit, a blue and yellow racer jumpsuit with the legs cut short, a patterned belt, yellow socks of different length and white shoes. she's holding a quick ball. there's pachirisu official art next to her. image 2: a drawing of miku as a crobat-themed pokemon trainer. her hair is purple and her twintails look like bat wings. she's wearing a variation of her regular sleeveless shirt with a purple checkered jacket, flared pants with a floral pattern accenting the bottom, platform boots & fingerless gloves. there's crobat official art next to her. End ID]

#hatsune miku #pokemon #project voltage #niksartstuffs #i have a garchomp miku sketch too but i might draw another one and post those two when theyre done #i woulda done rotom but. that one's official already haha. i'll do quagsire maybe

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