The finale of a never-ending masquerade.

AQ 4.2 spoilers.

DAY 2 KINKTOBER 2023

7 min in heaven? More like 7 days inside you!

Main Masterlist + Rules / Next Day of kinktober (3)

A/N: Please read the rules on my kinktober 2023 main masterlist before proceeding. Rule breakers will be blocked.

Characters involved (separated): Malleus draconia(TWST), Wriothlesly(Genshin), Ayato(Genshin), Nanook(HSR), Luo Cha(HSR)

Sypnosis: After getting officially married, you and your husband decided to finally go to your long awaited 7 days honeymoon in a resort at private island specially reserved by your husband! Those 7 days were meant to be fun and relaxing, but why are you so tired by the end of it?

C/W: Fem reader (reader is wearing a sundress), public cockwarming, malleus making his pp bigger(magic?), cursing in nanook's part, groping

BY OPENING THE TAB BELOW, YOU CONSENT TO READ DC/SMUT WRITING + HAVE READ THE RULES

Day 2 Scenario

You and your husband had decided to wake up early on the next day to watch the sunrise while eating the buffet breakfast in the resort's dining lounge. As expected, there was no other guest other than the both of you. The area was quiet with only the chefs busy cooking and a few servers standing by to assist whatever that the both of you need. "You are dismissed, we will call you if we need anything." The servers bowed in respect and retreated to their assigned stations after being instructed by your husband. You eyed at the desserts hungrily, mind already planning on what you will be eating. Admiring the sunrise while eating breakfast with your husband sounds like the most peaceful way to start the morning. However, your husband has some funny ideas in mind, which may not be so peaceful....... "Uh- Mu-must we do this here? At this timing?" You stuttered, trying to shift and stand up from husband's lap but he was quick to pull you down, cock slamming back into your pussy. "Mhmm why not? It's not like they will come in and disturb us." "But it's so obvious that we are doing something- AH!" You screeched when your husband jerks his hips up, the tip of his cock deliciously hitting onto your cervix. Your husband had you sitting on his lap, your sundress lifted up just to your waist. Your panties were pulled aside while he unzipped his flyer, freeing his gigantic girth and inserting it inside your cunt. Afraid that someone will catch the both of you, you tried pulling down your dress a little to cover up the indecent act, making it seem like you were purely just sitting on your husband's lap. Just as you were about to scold him, he starts pulling out the innocent card. "Pretty please? Cockwarm me while we enjoy breakfast?"

𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗘𝗨𝗦 𝗗𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗜𝗔

Really, who are you to deny the soon-to-be the king of Briar Valley? His pouty lips and puppy dog eyes had you giving up on your resolve and go with his flow. Malleus was obviously happy seeing you give up and stab at your poor food with the fork, probably worried that someone will catch the both of you doing the dirty deed.

"Is my wife worried that someone will catch us?" Malleus nuzzles into your neck while hugging your waist. He inhales your scent, not even bothered by the fact that you didn't respond to him and just focusing on eating. "I'll make this good for you." He says, and you feel his cock growing bigger and bigger inside you, the tip already touching onto your womb and threatening to intrude in while his girth stretches your insides deliciously. You choked back a moan, trying not to attract anyone but it's been proving hard when all you want him do right now is to bend you down and fuck you.

𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗟𝗬

"This is a violation of Fontaine's law-"

"But we are not in Fontaine now, right?" Wriothlesly smirks at your defeated expression, hand reaching out to grab a sliced garlic bread, nudging it on your lips to open and eat it.

"What's so wrong with a couple eating breakfast together? There's no way we will go to jail for this." Wriothlesly diligently feeds you breakfast like a doting husband that he is, but if anything, he likes to tease you the most. He would fuck his cock in whenever you finish chewing the food, catching you off guard and letting a couple slips of moan out.

"H-hey! stop it!"

"Or what?"

"There's people outside!"

"I will just arrest them for looking at us if you are that scared."

𝗞𝗔𝗠𝗜𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗢 𝗔𝗬𝗔𝗧𝗢

You had known for a long time that Ayato is into cockwarming, simply because it was the best way to get intimate with you while he does his paperwork for the Yashiro commission. But still, you did not expect him to do this in public. And once again, you were unable to deny your husband's greedy request.

"Ah, you feel good there." Ayato murmurs, leaning back on the chair while he stares up at the ceiling, getting drunk off at the feeling of his cock being warmed by your pretty walls. He slips a hand under your dress, letting his fingers play with your clit like how he usually does. You moaned, subconsciously spreading your legs wider to give your husband more access to your sex.

"Of course, it is my duty to make my wife feel good too."

The food was left cold for 10 mins.

𝗡𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗢𝗞

"Fuck, you are definitely made for me." Nanook curses, hands gripping onto your inner thighs tightly just to keep you still on his lap. He could feel his head spinning at how tight and warm your walls feel around him. Sure, you were smaller in size as compared to him and he was worried for a moment if his cock alone would destroy your insides(literally) but it seems like he was just overthinking it.

"A-ah, do that again, pretty."

"D-do what?" Your face was flushed in deep red as you chewed on the bread, trying to ignore the fact that you were aroused by his words, and that your pussy just clenched and spasmed around him like crazy.

"You squeezed around me just now, do it again."

𝗟𝗨𝗢 𝗖𝗛𝗔

"This is quite an experience, won't you agree with me, honey?" Luocha comments while spreading his jam on the bread, unaware about your current predicament (or he at least pretends to).

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I-im fine." You were not fine at all. Your whole body is literally trembling like a leaf, mind a little fucked by your husband's cock nestling inside you.

He wasn't even doing anything! You clearly objected to this idea, but yet your the one now who seems horny and is desperate for a good fuck in the early morning. Instead of telling Luocha all this, you chose to bite back your tongue and eat your breakfast as planned.

"Mhm, sure." Luocha's large hands reached up to grope on your breast, giving it a few squeeze before returning back to his breakfast.

"I trust that you will tell me when you feel troubled."

Your breath hitches when you realised that he indeed know what you are craving for.

in another world

gn! reader x scaramouche

cw: angst, hurt/no comfort, major character death

The stars were cruel and unrelenting. He had come to learn the hard way.

There was nothing he could do, as he watched you link arms with someone else that wasn’t him. The smile you gave them was meant for him, not for the loser that captured your heart. His nails dug into the palms of his hands, skin on the verge of breaking.

But what was he to do?

He was dead. Gone.

…

Perhaps in another reality, he was well and alive, spending the precious moments with you.

He’ll still be yours, and in turn, you’ll be his.

The two of you will travel the world together, and he’ll take you to the highest cliff of Mondstadt, where he had laid out a small blanket upon the grass. Baskets and plates of food he had cooked himself sits neatly upon the checkered sheets, its aroma alluring you in. Cecilas dotted the plains, the white specks of floral inviting the presences of the butterfly and bees. “Surprise,” he said, giving you a crooked smile.

He’ll have to fight back a laugh as he watches you trip over a camouflaged root somewhere in the heart of Sumeru’s forest, only helping you up when he was done laughing at your clumsy mistake. You’d whine and playfully punch him, but he’ll dodge out the way and catch in a tight hug, muttering sorry’s and I love you’s.

He’ll be on one knee, the sand digging into his skin, a camera held up as he playfully shouts at you to stay still for the picture— the image of you standing underneath a canvas of the sunset in the beaches of Fontaine, wind gently tugging at your hair, giggling as you watch your beloved struggle.

Click!

He’ll be the one to paddle the tiny canoe that he had scrounged up in an old shed around the bioluminescence beach in Inazuma. And you’d be sitting across from him, eyes bright and curious, laughter spilling from your lips as you watched the stars dance along with the shimmers in the sea. The moon hung high in the skies, blanketing you with a soft white glow.

He’ll be the one to introduce you to his family, your fingers anxiously fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt as the two of you stand outside the large brass door, waiting. You tell him that you’re nervous, and he reassures you that everything will be fine. His family will adore you. And even if they don’t— which isn’t true— he’ll still take you as his lover, because there is nobody else in the entirety of Teyvat that he wants.

It’ll be the first night of the annual lantern rite, and he’ll take you to a secluded area within the trees to release lanterns of your own. Sweet promises scribed in the lantern that captures a glimpse of your future with him, the path that you’re willing to take down with him.

…

You were his first everything, just as he was your first everything. So when Scaramouche had suddenly departed from your side, it left you in a crumbling wreck of emotions.

He hated seeing you like this. Eyes puffy and red from all the crying, voice hoarse and body weak.

He hated even more the sight of you with someone else, all lovey-dovey.

Yet seeing you finally open up to someone new brought him a sense of relief. He may not like it, but if it meant that you’ll finally stop sobbing your heart out every night, that you’ll finally regain that bubbly personality of yours, that you’ll find that light to guide your path— he was willing to accept the loss.

Still, it was unfair.

Maybe in my next life, he whispered, words carried away by the wind, falling deaf to the wonders of nature.

✩ ·┆ masterlist

notes—

— (it’s been a year daddy) :: jokes aside, junior year had been insane, and I’ve been stu(dying) for the upcoming SAT while also trying to write a book of my own WHILE looking for internships, maintaining good grades, stressing about EVERYTHING… you get the idea... ending was slightly rushed sorry 🫶

© acaaai-t — do not plagiarize, repost, or translate

little finch - furina&qiqi&gn!reader

summary: in an unexpected turn of events, you and furina end up babysitting little qiqi.

tags: can be read both as romantic and platonic for the relationship between [name] and furina, depending on how you choose to read this! as it says in the summary <3 wholesome drabble, no dialogues written. part 1 (watching gaming's perfomance) part 2 (playing with kites) part 3 (picking qingxins) part 4 (visiting the hulao mountain and bringing food as an offering) part 5 (trying out food stalls)

notes: my sixth entry for @/astronetwrk new lunar year event!! passes out!!! I DID IT!! okay look this was super cute to write but im super uncreative as to how u can spend time with kids because i dont spend time with kids. anyways. enjoy.

Somehow, you and Furina ended up with a very adorable, little zombie under your wings for the day, Qiqi. The story of how was one you didn’t quite understand, but… that was something that has happened.

You weren’t someone who knew how to babysit and especially wasn’t Furina, but you promised to do great nonetheless. 

(By the end of the day, you thought that you and Furina did an amazing job, given that it was your first time babysitting like this. You hoped Baizhu would also agree with it.)

Taking care of Qiqi was… a little hard, you had to admit. While she was a really adorable child, you didn’t know how to take care of a zombie whose memory wasn’t the best. But Baizhu was kind enough to leave you some advice on taking care of her, so it wasn’t that bad. You would dare to say that if given the chance, you would happily spend time with her again.

On Furina’s side, things were… going surprisingly nice, too, despite being awkward at first. While you were sitting in the kitchen, trying to prepare something to eat for Qiqi, yourself, and Furina, you heard some soft singing. When you went to check on the sound, you saw that it was… Furina, trying her hardest to entertain little Qiqi with singing. After a moment you even heard another voice join her, although a little off-beat and monotone. 

You covered your lips with your hand and smiled, fighting down the urge to coo and interrupt them and after a moment of watching them, you went back to cooking.

(Sometime after that, you spotted Qiqi holding a plushie that reminded you a lot of the ones Furina had. you smiled to yourself upon seeing it. How adorable it was…)

After eating dinner, you decided to go on a walk to enjoy the rest of the day somewhere in the fresh air. The sun was hiding behind the clouds, the wind was gently blowing and it wasn’t too hot, perfect weather for a walk.

Qiqi asked you and Furina to hold her hands because, according to her, the wind could blow her away. You didn’t want that.

The walk itself was really nice, with Furina’s voice in the background, as she was talking about Fontaine’s latest movies. You saw Qiqi trying to follow her words and not get lost, but… she was having a little of a problem. Her attention on Furina’s words completely disappeared when suddenly, a lone finch flew past you three and, to everyone’s surprise, took a seat right at the top of Qiqi’s shoulder. 

Qiqi stood completely frozen, admiring the little birdie friend who came to visit her, and you two just watched her until the bird flew away.

By that time, Qiqi didn’t really remember what Furina was talking about just two minutes earlier. You laughed at Furina’s sigh and expression, earning a little frown from her.

After the walk Qiqi was tired, so she took a nap, leaving you and Furina to gossip and talk while the little zombie was sleeping. And to also plan the rest of the day…

When the nap was over (and it was longer than you thought it would be), you decided to spend the rest of the day in some funny, creative way. You ended up bringing some spare paper sheets and crayons and just… draw with her. 

You weren’t the best artist, but you still found doodling fun. You and Qiqi started drawing the things you saw today, like the little finch that sat on Qiqi’s shoulder! She didn’t remember anymore how the finch looked in details, so you drew it with her together. 

You helped her pick the colors, helped her draw, and soon, you had a beautiful drawing of a yellow and green finch. She said it reminded her of a friend, which you found absolutely adorable.

With time, Furina joined you. Yet instead of drawing with you and Qiqi, she decided to strike the coolest, fanciest, and prettiest poses for you and Qiqi to draw. You would never manage to do her justice in your silly little drawings, but you tried hard.

Qiqi tried too. Oh, she could be an artist if she practiced more! You really could see the resemblance in her drawings of Furina… even if it took you a second to connect which shape meant what. Still, you knew that Qiqi put genuine effort into this and it was really sweet to you.

After that Furina, of course, ushered you to model for the new rising artist, none other than Qiqi and, a little reluctant, you did it. It was different posing for silly photos with qingxins and for someone to draw! But you enjoyed it in the end, especially after seeing Qiqi’s drawings. 

The rest of the day went fast, spent drawing, talking and other things until Baizhu came over to pick Qiqi up, thanking you two for taking care of her.

That was a rather unexpected day, but one you would remember for a long, long time.

Kaeya headcanons

i'm speedrunning this before work while my breakfast is cooking so BEAR WITH ME, i have SO MANY thoughts on my bbgrl

current list of h/c's: - ice skater kaeya, i will die on this hill. will have a post abt that one day b/c there's so much to it that i want to scream abt and Thoughts (tm) to be had (like him getting flustered??? OUGH i need to restrain myself) - speaking of flustered, he's really good at keeping his cool (pun fully intended, fight me) and he typically is the one who CAUSES the flustering. smooth af and KNOWS it - he likes to cause chaos and mayhem. a bit of a gremlin. mischievous man. perhaps a tad prankster in his bones. playful teasing bastard and has a lot of fun w/ it. - cold hands. nothing more. - when push comes to shove, Kaeya's the guy w/ the plan. like genuinely he's incredibly strategic and has the main plan, and like two or three back up plans. it's not even like an anxiety thing he just wants to be prepared, and he makes them up pretty last minute. - he's kind of an assassin-style character, y'know? not as much of a main fighter as he is a sneaky backstabber. roguish and charming but can and will yeet u type deal right??? - LOYAL to a GODDAMN FAULT. i TRULY believe this man's loyalty is unshakeable. like he'd do anything to the people he cherishes the most. and if he perceives u as a threat??? a threat to the things he cares about?????? ur on the list now and there's no escape. - incredibly perceptive! like he's really good at getting information from people already, but i feel like that just makes it a lot easier for him to notice when Something Is Up. it's hard to catch him unawares. - kaeya's great and i love him but he doesn't love himself and i'm sorry this man definitely feels like he's got really bad self esteem. Like he KNOWS he can get shit done, but he has a hard time believing that anyone likes him and probably has trust issues b/c of it. - i also feel like he doesn't like the spotlight? like specifically Kaeya; if he needs to put on a persona for the spotlight, it doesn't phase him bc he's good at hiding behind a persona. but the moment Actual Kaeya gets spotlight he's like a bit of a mess and nervous and would just rathe people enjoy themselves. essentially just doesn't want the spotlight. - abandonment issues. i don't need to explain this one. - kaeya puts on the air of an anti-hero but he's a quiet paragon himself. literally helps people out of habit and while he jokes abt it he doesn't actually expect anything in return and literally forgets he helped ppl bc it's just so engrained in his brain. - epitome of "sorry i had feelings, i'll replace em w/ jokes right away" - not the best cook tbh? like he can make some GOOD snacks (chicken mushroom skewers, a fried egg, simple stuff like that) but ask him to cook actual meals and he's at a loss for food prep and has no idea how to time everything in the dish. - emotionally available but only for other ppl. cannot and will not express his own emotions bc of aforementioned anxieties; but u wanna talk to him abt shit? he's all ears and will comfort u like a bbgrl. - this is less of a h/c but actually canon, and that's just that Kaeya's lonely. i genuinely think he wants to be around ppl but he feels like they wouldn't like the real him :(( - on that note, i WILL say that, despite his playfulness, this man is a romantic at heart??? like he probably LOVES poetry and writing and music, and the only reason he makes light of it is b/c he thinks it's funny and also to make people underestimate him. he would probably die for the opera performances in Fontaine tbh. OKAY,,, i've gotta hurry up and wrap this post bc i have work soon but please here thank u this is my bbgrl kaeya i love him so much. he has been in my main party since day one and like i'm beyond attached to this lil shit, like PLEASE HIS VOICELINES ARE SO GOOD. i will talk more abt my kaelumi h/c's and explain how things go in my "canon", b/c i'm trying to go in order of how all the poly met each other. WHICH means that Zhongli's next!!! b/c ofc i'm going to scream abt him, my friend's playing his archon quest and letting me watch it again and i'm taking so many notes its not even FUNNY.

omg i just wanna comfort furina so much after the 4.2 trailer and her teaser 😭😭

my baby deserves more love..i just wanna kiss her tears away, give her alot of attention and cuddles and feed furina her favourite dessert until shes smiling again <3

ohh i have a lot to say about this trailer and her teaser and everything AHHHH

first of all, yes. all the cuddles and desserts for her!! any dessert she wants from all across the tevyat she will get <3 i will even bake for her. getting my little apron and going to bake the tastiest desserts ever <3 and so many kisses and hugs and everything she wants AND i will tell her all the bad jokes that actually should get me in jail until she laughs. everything for her fr.

but regarding the trailer and her teaser... look i did joke about furina being marie antoinette. joke. joked. JOKED!!! IT WAS A JOKEEE leave her alone!!

her hat falling down on the floor killed me. her crying killed me. i am dead and frankly scared for the archon quest because i dont think i will survive furina being sad 💔💔💔💔 like she did nothing wrong!! maybe she was a little silly and wrongly accused lyney over the showtime accident but, come on, this surely is no reason to be so cruel toward her. girl is trying to save fontaine pls let her CHILL!!!

but on a... better side?? you see i always believed that she was actually pretty smart and more than the girl failure of the year and i think this trailer shows that she IS more than this. and im happy!! also scared what the fuck she is cooking but happy nonetheless AHAHZJSJJ i was always annoyed at people shitting on furina because ohhh she was just dramatic and childish and annoying and yet everyone just. didnt even try looking deeper into her character. already after first part of archon quest i knew that there is more to furina. and i was willing to argue with people about it!!! will defend her till i die.

yet all this makes me worry that hoyoverse is going to fuck her up because... it's still possible. hoyoverse isn't the nicest to the genshin girls sometimes and their writing lacks (look at nilou. this girl has genuinely so much about her yet her writing lacks so much and people are so quick to call her boring. same for kokomi and how they failed to show her tactician skills) and i just worry about it. still i have hopes for some good twist and story!!

and gods her teaser got me so confused in a good way. i actually had hard time telling if shes talking to us, directly to players or no... probably my favorite character teaser like ever!! but it was also really sad, especially when she hugged the mecha dog... i want to give her a hug now. many hugs pls. shes making me so sad 😭😭😭 i hope everything will end well for furina and her people, and if it doesnt i will go and yell at hoyoverse, preparing my bags tickets and plane as i speak!!

Forbidden. By Beverly Jenkins. Avon, 2016.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Old West #1

Summary: Rhine Fontaine is building the successful life he's always dreamed of—one that depends upon him passing for White. But for the first time in years, he wishes he could step out from behind the façade. The reason: Eddy Carmichael, the young woman he rescued in the desert. Outspoken, defiant, and beautiful, Eddy tempts Rhine in ways that could cost him everything . . . and the price seems worth paying.

Eddy owes her life to Rhine, but she won't risk her heart for him. As soon as she's saved enough money from her cooking, she'll leave this Nevada town and move to California. No matter how handsome he is, no matter how fiery the heat between them, Rhine will never be hers. Giving in for just one night might quench this longing. Or it might ignite an affair as reckless and irresistible as it is forbidden...

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: rape threat, explicit sexual content, racism (including the n-word), allusions to slavery, violence

Overview: I wanted to read more Beverly Jenkins after completing Something Like Love, so I picked up Forbidden because it had an interesting premise. Overall, a lot of the things I liked and disliked were similar to those I liked and disliked about my previous read. While I appreciate the stories Jenkins is trying to tell and I adore her heroines, I just don't think her writing style is for me. Thus, I'm rating this book only 3 stars.

Writing: My main criticism of the prose in this book is similar to the points I made for Something Like Love. While I don't think Jenkins's writing is atypical for the romance genre, it also just wasn't to my personal tastes. I felt that Jenkins told more than showed, and pacing felt fairly uniform.

Plot: The plot of this book follows Eddy Carmichael, a skilled cook who dreams of starting her own restaurant in California. Eddy has just enough money saved when tragedy strikes at the beginning if the book: she is robbed, and so, she is forced to rely on the kindness of strangers to make it from Colorado to San Francisco in post-Civil War America.

What I liked about this plot was the way Jenkins used the setting to explore racial dynamics and Rhine's identity. Rhine isn't directly subjected to racism in Virginia City because he passes, but he does get a nasty peek at what white people say to one another. There is also plenty of discussion about colorism, and I appreciated these topics being tackled head-on in a romance novel.

Unfortunately, she is tricked by some strangers and is left penniless and wandering in the desert. Luckily, she is rescued by Rhine Fontaine and his business partner. Rhine is mixed race and passes as White, and he uses that privilege to make a life for himself and free Black folks in the multicultural town of Virginia City, Nevada. He helps Eddy land a job cooking for a boarding house in Virginia City while she saves up enough money to venture west again, and during that time, the two find themselves attracted to one another. Things are further complicated because Rhine has a rich white fiancée who doesn't know about his parentage, and Eddy is being courted by the local Black carpenter/architect. Shenanigans ensue.

That being said, I didn't quite feel like I was reading a tightly-plotted narrative. Most of the time, I felt like I was reading about the day to day lives of our characters, and while some events are interesting, I didn't get the sense that plot points were building on one another to create a story. Maybe this ambling pace will appeal to some readers, but personally, I wanted a bit more.

Character: Eddy, our heroine, is easy to root for in that she has a definite goal and works extremely hard to meet it. I liked that her arc was about her burgeoning independence, and it felt like she truly was being appreciated after living in near poverty for so long. I also liked that she was readily embraced by the Black community in the town, and I liked watching her find her home.

Rhine, our hero, is also interesting in that he faces numerous dilemmas regarding his identity. I appreciated the moments in which he had to weigh his personal happiness against his privilege, and I liked that his motivations came from a place of wanting freedom and power. I also liked that he was an honorable man and despite his past, he wasn't so angsty that he was bogged down. He seemed to be always looking forward, and that was nice.

Side characters were also nice in that they created something of a found family for Eddy. Sylvie, her employer, is truly a good friend and supports Eddy without judgment. Vera the seamstress is also bright and fun, and the residents of the orphanage are endearing. Even Zeke, the rival for Eddy's feelings, is hard to dislike since he is so genuinely interested in Eddy, and he is incredibly kind and generous.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, it's the White antagonists that are the most irritating. I'm not going to sit here and complain that some white people are portrayed as awful bigots - they served their purpose in the story, so I think it was appropriate. I do think, though, that some of the racism was just kind of "fly by," so I couldn't quite determine if responding to oppression was supposed to be a major theme or inserted to make the setting a bit more "textured." The unhinged ending with Natalie kind of illustrates my point; without spoiling anything, I will say that the ending made isn't seem like white rage was just kind of something to brush off and even when it was threatening, it didn't quite matter. Maybe I'm not the best person to speak on this, though, and maybe anything more serious would affect the tone Jenkins was going for. I don't know.

Romance: The romance between Eddy and Rhine was... OK. My main issues were not that they were ill-suited, but that Jenkins uses a couple of tropes that I personally dislike. First, there's a love triangle, and while I liked that no one was made out to be the villain, I couldn't help but feel really bad for Zeke. There was litterally nothing wrong with him except that he didn't excite passion in Eddy, and I am not 100% sure it was right for her to start seeing him. Second, Eddy is an incredibly naive virgin who doesn't even know what an orgasm is (or that male orgasms can lead to pregnancy?) before meeting Rhine. I personally sont care for virginal heroines because it makes them seem a bit sheltered, but I also understand that a virginal heroine might be working against the hypersexual Black woman trope here.

TL;DR: Forbidden has an interesting premise, taking a white-passing hero and an ambitious Black woman and seeing how their goals are jeopardized by attraction. While I didn't quite vibe with the writing style or the way the plot unfolded, I do think Jenkins creates captivating settings and characters that are easy to root for.

Of Blood and Sparks - II

Karina Alexandre of Fontaine lost her position, her family, and her Archon's favor. A dead Electro Vision is her mark of guilt. A reminder to never fail again. Faith shattered, and suspicious of the Fatui, she eventually makes her way to Liyue, where she encounters a certain funeral parlor consultant. Little does she know it's only the beginning. Original character centric; eventual Zhongli/OC. Posted originally at @chevalier-of-fontaine. ArchiveOfOurOwn || FF.net || Karina's profile

The poor training dummy received another flurry of slashes and a jab, as a sword pierced the stuffed fabric of the torso.  The material gave way with ease and a soft hiss of torn fibers; nothing like fighting against an actual enemy, human or otherwise.  Hay poked out when Karina pulled her blade back, her breathing heavy.  Drills were meditative more than anything else.  No one was barking a series of steps at her but she was never at rest long enough to feel rusty.  She was up before dawn, as always, her sword never falling until her muscles ached.  The sun was now finally beginning to crest over the valley hills, staining the sky with purples and pinks.

Karina wasn’t the only one with habits hard to kill, judging by the figure walking down towards her tiny accommodations on the winery’s land.  They never spoke of their mutual experience in service.  Or tried to.  A rigid military lifestyle, however brief, left its mark on all who enlisted.

That night in the library felt so long ago.  It had, in fact, been only a few weeks since Rhiannon’s book was back in her hands.  

“Morning,” Karina huffed, never taking her eyes off the target.

She slashed, turned to parry, and then brought the blade down to slice through the dummy’s back.  When Diluc didn’t say anything, she stepped again with a flourishing finish.  It tore off the arm of the dummy and the hay-filled limb thumped to the ground.

"A letter arrived for you at the main house,” Diluc said by way of greeting.

She’d put in for a position in Liyue weeks ago.  Trade was better and she could earn a more stable living.  Her shop in Mondstadt did well enough but it was her work with Dawn Winery that she earned the most from.  Repairing uniforms and curtains and duvets and the occasional singed jacket was easy enough but she didn’t want to stay in Mondstadt forever.  The City of Freedom felt stagnant.  To say nothing of recent events with Dottore demonstrating that it was too susceptible.

“Any news about Collei and Cyno?” Karina asked, breathing hard.

She grabbed her scabbard and slid the blade home before attaching the weapon to her belt. 

It was hard not to think about the bandaged girl who made the trip from Sumeru to Mondstadt on foot.  Scared, alone, knowing nothing but the endurance of pain.  A victim snatched up from the streets and used for experiments before she had the chance to learn to write…

“The binding of the Archon residue is holding and they’re on their way back to Sumeru,” Diluc said, holding out the letter.  “There’s no telling what permanent effects exist.  The Akademiya is for the best.”

The wind picked up a little, a welcome breeze after the strain and sweat of a morning workout.  Some would have remarked that Barbados was kind to bring wind at such a time.  

An absentee Archon was as good as a dead Archon in Karina’s eyes.  Why place faith in that which you could not see?

“At least she’ll be out of the hands of the Harbinger.  That’s all we can ask for, I suppose,” Karina said softly. 

She took the sealed envelope but didn’t open it.  Instead, she gestured for Diluc to follow her and they walked towards her tiny staff cottage, where she held the door open in silent invitation.  

Under different circumstances, her lack of care for the living space he graciously offered to her would have been bothersome, even embarrassing.  Books were strewn about and what little laundry she had hung to dry near the fire.  The cooking rig above the flames was, for now, bare; a pot and kettle sat on the stone hearth, awaiting use.  She rarely had the opportunity to utilize the space to begin with as of late.  There was nothing more than vague friendship between them now; his opinion of her living quarters mattered little.

“Did you eat?” Karina asked, picking through her stash of food in the tiny kitchen.  “Or should I just make coffee for myself?”

“I’m fine,” Diluc replied as he wandered over to the cramped sitting area decorated with thick leather bound tomes and scribbled notes.  “Aren’t some of these from Lisa’s private collection?”

“They’re some of her textbooks from the Akademiya; exchanged for a weekend of dusting and polishing the library from top to bottom.”

After all, when she wasn’t working, what else was she supposed to do?  Much like the man across the tiny cottage, she wanted nothing to do with the Knights of Favonius themselves.  But that didn’t mean she couldn’t try to make use of what resources she could, even if it meant quid pro quos.

When she finally had coffee in hand, Karina brought her attention back to the letter and opened it.  

Her eyes scanned the cramped writing, which described how her working papers were a perfect match for the position.  Even praise for her experiences in the military, which was often a turn-off for employers.  Many expected her to be demure or soft while being knowledgeable; it would seem that the shopkeeper was thrilled to have someone capable of needlework and swordsmanship.  Excellent.  

Liyue was not an easy decision.  While it was the closest region, it tolerated Fatui presence.  Her stomach knotted itself at the thought.  The recent Fatui visit in Mondstadt had been horrible enough.

“Well, it would seem I’ll be moving to Liyue sooner than expected,” she muttered, handing the letter to Diluc to look over.  “I’m to be a tailor in the garment district.  The pay is equal, with commission for larger projects.”

Diluc frowned, a look not far off from his usual unimpressed expression.  “The region is a known Fatui ally.  Or, rather, mostly associated by proxy via Northland Bank and the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.  Even Fatui need funerary rites, I suppose.  Although the kind of rites depends on who you ask.”

The silence hung around them like a pall as he read the letter once, and then twice.  Karina took tentative sips of the scalding caffeine all the while, the liquid as bitter as she felt.

Anxiety rippled through her at the thought; Liyue was its own land but the region was known for commerce, with the largest branch of Northland Bank overlooking the sea.  She put off the consideration when applying; it was a bridge to cross when she got there.  But now that she stood on its edge…

Living in one of the major cities the Fatui had a foothold in was the last thing she needed.  To say nothing of living in one of the most devout regions in Teyvat when she no longer held favor with her own Archon.  Mondstadt was…well, Mondstadt; hardly anyone batted an eye if they saw her dead Vision.  But Liyue?  The land of contracts?  A different story, to be sure.

“I can accompany you, if you’d like,” Diluc said, letting the paper gently fall onto the small table between them.  “I have business in Liyue anyway.  Two weeks would give us enough time to reach the lab and take care of other business before you take on the new position.”

He hadn't mentioned having any business the last time they spoke about a possible trip.  How utterly convenient.

Karina raised a doubtful eyebrow and he elaborated, “Someone is trying to mimic our signature Dandelion Wine.  I need to shut that down immediately before we get market competition with a lesser-quality product.”  

With a skeptical look behind him towards her pathetic collection of clothing, he continued. 

“And you’ll need more appropriate clothes for such work.  A dress, for one.”

Her pride felt pinched, like a child’s cheek around a doting aunt.  She worked hard to repair her clothing as needed.  It was one of the few things she could still do that didn’t make her parents roll in their premature graves.

“Nothing is torn or ripped.”

“You and I both know there are expectations with this job since you’ll be facing the public.  Looking the part is always half of the battle.  It’s something to take care of in Liyue; there’s little point in carrying all of it with you.”

Karina held back a biting remark that her wardrobe was sparse for the sake of blending in.  Not that he would necessarily understand; red hair wasn’t easy to forget.

Neither were smoldering crimson eyes staring back at her.

She broke her gaze away first, throwing back the rest of her coffee in favor of forgetting other memories, other moments, of heavy gazes and tangled limbs.  Diluc took his leave with a quiet word of parting, looking everywhere but at her.

A few hours later, her map was carefully marked out with their journey.  Lisa’s books were packed up and given to servants to return on her behalf.  They would leave tonight, once Diluc finalized his own affairs; his businesses were well managed but they were hardly self-sufficient.

At least they would get to explore what little was left of the lab.

Karina dropped her pack near the fireplace in the main house after locking up the cottage, the fire throwing flickering shadows around the room.  She unhooked the heavy Vision at her belt and sat down near the hearth, holding the stone close to the light.  If she looked hard enough, she could make out the Electro emblem and a subtle hint of purple in the darkened stone.  She pulled a polishing cloth from a tiny pocket of her backpack and began on the setting, rubbing the imbued cloth against the metal. 

Years ago, she would have had badges and medals to polish too. 

But all she had now was the dead God’s Eye and the buttons on her jacket.

The latter weren’t too important at the moment.

The silver swirls and filigree easily collected dirt and dust; they were the worst of the entire piece.  It hardly mattered, she supposed.  Polishing the Vision was a habit she would never be rid of, much like patching her clothes, rising early to do drills.  A ritual that kept her at peace.

If she was going to delve into the madness Il Dottore left behind and spend time surrounded by Fatui, she was going to need what little peace she could get.

Hello!! How are you?

I'm pretty sure your requests are open but if they aren't just ignore this.

I was wondering if you could write about spending your free time with really any characters. I would like it to be fluff/comfort.

I don't have much more, I want to give you freedom with this!

Have a good day/night, and make sure to eat and drink something!!

Synopsis: spending free time with genshin characters

Warnings: none

Game/ fandom: genshin impact

Characters: zhongli, Scaramouche, yae miko, beidou, and thoma

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

A/n: hello! Hm… I don’t have much to say on this one so, hope you enjoy! :>

— Zhongli —

In his recent mortal years, he had picked up many hobbies that as an archon he never would’ve dared to try. Like antiquing.

He loves going around shops in liyue and looking at all the priceless artifacts… that he can’t afford.

He also adores going to museums. Walking around, reading all the text, and history on the artifact. That’s all just… so perfect to him.

He loves doing all of that with you. You go to the museum at least once a week now.

— Scaramouche —

A man of few likes, and many dislikes, Scaramouche is hard to please. But… his passion for musical theater always gets the best of him

Scaramouche often sees a play anytime he can. Traveling all over to see them, hell go to Fontaine from inazuma if he has to, no questions asked.

He definitely takes you with him, almost as… a coping mechanism?

You both have a fight… ok, and then the night after he takes you to a play. Or if you have an argument in the morning, you’ll go to a play by that night.

He also oddly loves cooking? The thought of making something with your hands, that’s so… delicious, that thought is… mesmerizing to him. He loves to cook with you. (Though he’ll never admit it.

— yae miko —

A knowledgeable woman, who likes the simple things. Her love for reading light novels from her own publishing house, has grown over the years.

Often times reading a story out loud to you, or as you both fall asleep, maybe when she’s on taking a break from her duties, will you sit beside each other and read the sole book in complete silence.

Oddly enough, she loves taking walks. The Sakura from the sacred Sakura falling around you, as you casually walk paint no mind yo anything around you.

She oddly loves to things that’ll reside in her memory as well, so in a weird way she loves spending her free time with you… doing things that make you happy. She loves all the memories of you smiling… just so happy over something

— beidou —

Whenever the alcor stops in inazuma she loves to show you around the place. She’s a huge fan of many things in inazuma, but one of her favorite… is the food.

She also much like Scaramouche loves cooking, or rather trying other peoples cooking. She has probably had every dish from every restaurant in all the 7 nations.

Loves taking you to said restaurants, and having you try the food. Especially some of her favorites, which are typically spicy.

Loves to take you through liyue, causing whatever kind of mischief you can… get away with. It’s always so funny when you get away with it, of course it’s never anything too drastic

— thoma —

Thoma is good at many things he does, learning quickly and being passionate about those things, and… on top of it he’s a great teacher.

Loves teaching you to knit/ crochet. It’s so calming to him, that he just… gets lost in how peaceful it can be. Plus you get the satisfaction of making something!

Thoma is also a sucker for dogs, he loves looking at all of them, and going around petting them… just loves them. So, he definitely walks around inazuma petting the dogs with you. Why? Well… because. It’s an excuse for a walk.

Baking is a big thing, he loves it, and he’s good at it too! He always had liked baking since he was a child in mondstadt, and how he gets to share that love with you! He loves decorating things with you especially, decorating cakes and sugar cookies are his favorite because they’re so messy, but so… so so good.

001. MEET INDIGO

FULL NAME: indigo blu bertrand. PREFERRED NAME: indigo. NICKNAME/S: indi. DATE OF BIRTH: august 12th, 1993. GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis female & she/her. ORIENTATION: bicurious. RELIGION: agnostic. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: engaged to william coleman. OCCUPATION: fashion journalist, fashion director and entrepreneur. RESIDENCE: boston, massachusetts.

002. CHECK INDIGO’S BACKGROUND

HOMETOWN: marseille, france. NATIONALITY: french and american. she obtained dual citizenship following eight years of living in the united states. ETHNIC BACKGROUND: filipino, irish, spanish and french. LINGUISTICS: french which is her native language, english in a fluent level and she can lead a conversation in spanish and italian. EDUCATION: she, primarily, attended central saint martins in order to get her BA in fashion communication: fashion journalism and, afterwards, she attended parsons school of design where she got her MA in fashion studies. CRIMINAL RECORD: clean. BIRTH ORDER: second. FATHER: pierre anton bertrand, born on march 16th, 1964 in provence, france, currently residing in between marseille and paris. he is the CEO and owner of the bertrand group. MOTHER: ophelia amelie bertrand, née deneuve, born on july 28th, 1963 in bordeaux, france, currently residing in between marseille and paris. she’s a retired teacher at ifm, central saint martins and parsons school of design, and a high-profile fashion stylist who, nowadays, only does selective work for some of her dearest clients. SISTER/S: brielle clémence bertrand, born on january 14th, 1991 in marseille, france, currently residing in tokyo, japan and working as the CBDO of the bertrand group. BROTHER/S: jean-claude bertrand, born on september 2nd, 1999 in paris, france, currently residing in boston, massachusetts where he studies economics at harvard university and competes in the ncaa basketball league as a part of the harvard crimsons. christian guillaume bertrand, born on may 30th, 2001 in paris, france, currently residing in paris, france and working as a model and song-writer.  SIGNIFICANT OTHER: william coleman. CHILDREN: rey alexander coleman, born on october 2nd, 2019 in boston, massachusetts. OTHER RELEVANT FAMILY: lawrence rhodes, brielle’s husband thus brother-in-law. EX/ES: luca debuchy and jaylen aldridge. PETS: roux, a hotot bunny, blanc, a pomeranian and rogue, a german shepherd.

003. GET UP CLOSE & PERSONAL

HEIGHT: 5′8″ or 177 cm. WEIGHT: between 121 lbs or 55 kg and 130 lbs or 59 kg. BODY BUILD: she has a banana ( otherwise known as rectangle ) shaped body which, all in all, means she has a rather slim figure or, what would be deemed by some as, the classic supermodel-like look. naturally, it’s easy for her to maintain her desired weight and her flat stomach. indigo has slim shoulders and hips, and thanks to her workout routine, she has toned legs and a more toned bum. she has a small bust — she’s a 32B — and despite being considered petite, she still has some adequate curves. EYE COLOR: her eyes are a dark shade of brown, at first glance. if you pay close attention, you’ll notice how while her right eye is brown, her left eye is black. this becomes more prominent when sun or light are directly lighting up her eyes. EYESIGHT: due to her job and how long she spends on a laptop, as well as reading different articles and books, indigo has eye fatigue and, often, gets blurry vision. in those cases, she wears glasses to help her and so she doesn’t get a headache of any sorts. on the regular, however, she doesn’t wear glasses or contacts. HAIR COLOR & STYLE: naturally, her hair is a dark shade of brown, almost black. currently, it’s dyed in a chocolate brown shade. within indigo’s line of work, appearance is easily one of the most important things and what people base their first impression of you on. alongside her fashion choices, posture and makeup, her hair happens to be a pivotal thing for the girl. in its natural state, indigo’s hair is wavy and, often, that’s how she prefers to wear it — of course, most times she uses the right products and equipment to give it some help and loosen the waves. if she’s looking for a casual, distressed look, she enjoys going for the beach waves or throw her long locks in a messy bun, but for events or other important occasions, indigo tends to go for a sleek high ponytail or sleek straight hair. DOMINANT HAND: left. NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: the most notable and distinguishable of her physical traits is the color of her eyes — while her left eye is black, her right one is a lighter, coppery-brown shade. her model-like body and, often referred as, towering height are two other things that stand out, along with her long, toned legs. additionally, her long, silky hair that is always kept in perfect condition is another one of her notable physical traits. SCARS AND MARKS: there’s a small scar above her belly button due to a surgery she was submitted to when she was born but, other than that, she doesn’t have any other noticeable scars. scattered through her body, indigo has some freckles. she has a birthmark on her right foot and another one on the small of her back. TATTOOS: on the inside of her left wrist, she has a small camera — reference. in small, cursive font placed inside her right arm, indigo has the lyrics satisfaction feels like a distant memory. on the side of her left ankle, she has a feather tattoo — reference. along her left hip, she has the lyrics kissing to cut through the gloom in small, handwritten font. indigo has a hanger tattoo — reference — on the side of her left arm, nearing her wrist and she has a small world map inside her right wrist — reference — and a eiffel tower tattoo right next to it — reference. a little above the junction of her lower and upper left arm, she has the quote be yourself first in cursive font — reference — and on the side of her right ankle, she has three small birds — reference. she has cote d’azure tattooed in small font, on the left side of her rib cage. she has a matching tattoo with alana, a flame on her right hip — reference. on her ribcage, below her left boob, she has the lyrics pour dire la vérité, je te veux just toi — dvsn’s the line’s lyrics, meaning to tell the truth, i only want you — a subtle tattoo she has gotten for will. beside it, she has an eleven — reference — tattooed in cursive font, her boyfriend’s shirt number. PIERCINGS: she has her regular lobes pierced and two tragus piercings on her left ear. VOICECLAIM: shay mitchell. ACCENT & INTENSITY: when she says certain words, you can hear her subtle marseille accent underlying what is, otherwise, a new york accent. likewise, if she’s angry or if she has returned home after spending some time in france, her marseille accent becomes more prominent. in general, however, her french accent isn’t particularly strong anymore and, more often than not, the new york one overpowers it. ALLERGIES: cats and hayfever PHOBIAS & FEARS: snakes, being forgotten and trypophobia. MENTAL & PHYSICAL ILLNESSES: she has rhinitis. ALCOHOL USE: she drinks on social situations and she doesn’t say no to a glass of rosé after a long, stressful day of work. SMOKING: no. NARCOTICS USE: she used to experiment / do hard drugs during university but she quit that. she smokes weed on the rare. INDULGENT FOOD: yes, food is definitely one of her comforts and every so often, she indulges in it. SPLURGE SPENDING: yes, on occasion. GAMBLING: no, never.

004. DIG DEEPER

CAN THEY DRIVE? yes, she can drive. CAN THEY COOK & BAKE? yes and yes. CAN THEY CHANGE A FLAT TIRE? she can but she’d rather not have to do it. CAN THEY TIE A TIE? yes. CAN THEY SWIM? yes. CAN THEY RIDE A BICYCLE? yes. CAN THEY JUMP START A CAR? no. CAN THEY BRAID HAIR? yes. CAN THEY PICK A LOCK? no. EXTROVERTED OR INTROVERTED? extroverted. DISORGANIZED OR ORGANIZED? organized, without being overly so. CLOSE OR OPEN MINDED? open minded. CALM OR ANXIOUS? calm. PATIENT OR IMPATIENT? patient. OUTSPOKEN OR RESERVED? in-between. LEADER OR FOLLOWER? in-between. OPTIMISTIC OR PESSIMISTIC? optimistic. TRADITIONAL OR MODERN? modern. HARD-WORKING OR LAZY? hard-working. CULTURED OR UNCULTURED? cultured. LOYAL OR DISLOYAL? loyal. FAITHFUL OR UNFAITHFUL? faithful. NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD? a balance of both. HEAVY OR LIGHT SLEEPER? she’s a heavy sleeper. COFFEE OR TEA? coffee. DAY OR NIGHT? day. TAKING BATHS OR SHOWERS? baths. COCA COLA OR PEPSI? coca-cola. CATS OR DOGS? dogs. NETFLIX OR CINEMA? netflix. SHOWS OR MOVIES? shows. LAPTOP OR GAMING CONSOLE? laptop. HEALTHY OR JUNK FOOD? healthy food. ICE CREAM OR FROZEN YOGURT? ice cream. PIZZA OR HAMBURGER? pizza. LOLLIPOPS OR GUMMY WORMS? gummy worms. BEACH OR POOL? beach. SNOWBALLS FIGHTING OR ICESKATING? snowballs fighting. LITERATURE OR SCIENCE? literature. HISTORY OR ART? art. CHOCOLATE BARS OR COTTON CANDY? chocolate bars. XBOX OR PLAYSTATION? playstation. FACE-TO-FACE OR PHONE INTERACTIONS? face-to-face interactions. DRAMA OR SCI-FI? drama. HORROR OR COMEDY? comedy.

005. INDIGO’S FAVORITES

FAVORITE ACTIVITY: writing. FAVORITE ANIMAL: dolphin. FAVORITE BOOK: milk and honey by rupi kaur. FAVORITE COLOR/S: dusty rose, soft grey and burgundy. FAVORITE CUISINE: mediterranean cuisine. FAVORITE DISH/ES: bouillabaisse, any kind of pizza but especially italian pizza cappricciosa and pizza calzone, rollatini and shakshuka eggs. FAVORITE DRINK/S: salted caramel mocha frappuccino and minted lemonade, the black rose cocktail, rosé wine and don pérignon. FAVORITE FLOWER/S: black orchids. FAVORITE GEM: sapphire. FAVORITE MOVIE: coco avant chanel by anne fontaine. FAVORITE SONG: time by sevdaliza. FAVORITE SCENT/S: açai, cakes baking in the oven, cinnamon and wine. FAVORITE SHOW/S: grey’s anatomy, american crime story, the resident and the good doctor FAVORITE SPORT/S & TEAM THEY SUPPORT: basketball, she’s a cleveland cavaliers fan but she always roots for whatever team william is playing for, and soccer, she supports olympique de marseille.  FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR: summer. VACATION DESTINATION: anywhere in southeast asia, particularly in indonesia and harbor islands, bahamas.

TDFL PR W#1

Welcome to the first installment of the TouchDongers Foobaw Lig Power Rankings  yadda yadda this doesn’t really require any introduction – reading this is kind of like waking up in a virtual gulag in a Black Mirror episode. You can feign ignorance all you want, but you know deep down why you’re here, Mohamed Jetta.

I’m hosting this on tumblr because it’s barely more public than a google doc thanks to the porn ban that whisked away all my piss bookmarks just as I was starting to make real inroads on a new fetish. Thanks for nothing you Puritan technocrats. If the pageviews from this post give you 35 more cents in your next worthless sale I demand compensation in the form of 45 second clips of coeds soaking granite countertops.

Pay your league dues so I can indulge my second favorite fluffing pastime of mailing people ostentatious shit they don’t need. I’m accepting submissions for the name of the championship trophy. Current front-runner is The Shiny Hiney so you might want to get on that (and I’m not talking about scaling Griffin’s stark-white cracked mountainside prone to avalanches and civilian suffocation)

WITH PLENTY OF FAFFING ABOUT

10. Leaguema Balls (Dirty Mike)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 73 | PA: 167.7

Playing Next: Airstrip One Ezekiels Engels (Derv)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Living with the knowledge that he gave himself forehead welts

The only man in double digits for team score created a gulf between himself and the rest of the field almost as big as the space between his eyeballs. I’m not saying Mike’s squad is already done for, but on the heels of many players demanding trades from Miami after their week one demolition, Travis Kelce called his agent and said he wouldn’t do another mind-numbingly stupid McDonald’s commercial until he was cut loose to go play for another Dongers contender. Not only was this performance abysmal, but I can’t even label it an outlier because Devonta Freeman is now hurt and his 3 other major skill players are from the NFC North where points are harder to find than Josh Gordon’s 2 week AA chip.

9. Airstrip One Ezekiels Engels (Derv)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 120.9 | PA: 151.6

Playing Next: I just fukcing did this one

Questionable Decision of the Week: the Mets

Writing a summary of Derv’s fantasy prospects feels a lot like breaking the news to a wounded soldier that he’s had to have his dick amputated. Sure, you’re not technically dead, but what is there to live for? Derv has two good quarterbacks in a league where you can only start one, which marks the first and last time she’ll have two men vying for one of her slots. Zeke ended his holdout just in time to put up 12 points a game because Jerruh will be GOT DAMNED if he pays anyone an obscene amount of money and then has them succeed. Her best wide receiver made softcore porn with Pete Carroll. I’d rather read The Sun Also Rises again than keep looking at this roster to make any more jokes.

8. James White is Right (Tori)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 131.2 | PA: 173.4

Playing Next: The Queen’s Booty Lickers (Liv)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Thinking that being introverted is a substitute for a personality

Tori ran into a Clemson-scented buzzsaw this week and was really not at fault for the enormity of her loss, which is more than I can say about the fact that 85% of her Sundays vanish into her duvet cover because she got alcohol poisioning after gagging down 3 jello shots and looking at her bottle of listerine before she got into bed. That considered, though, she’s going to need Austin Ekeler to keep putting up 40-point games like he’s not a body double from ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’ AND she’ll need Matt Ryan to learn what side of a football holds the white thingies for her to get any kind of consistent production going forward. Much like she would say about Sacramento being a gangrenous taint, “I just don’t see it.”

7. Sean’s Hard Mangos (sean)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 130.7 | PA: 136.2

Playing Next: Mark Ruffalo’s Ruffalo Bills (Aidan)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Paying more than the cost of a Notre Dame education for a military-grade laser-guided beard trimmer

Sean dropped his game versus Griffin in the closest fight since the donnybrook between his ex-girlfriend and sanity. A couple breaks here and there and he might have come away with a W. Unfortunately, Tyreek Hill will be out for an indefinite period of time after finding out that it’s hard to box with people who aren’t 5 years old and Evan Engram is going to put up 28 points again as soon as Father Jenkins decides it’s high time to adhere to his vow of poverty. His third-leading scorer this week was his kicker. Last time everyone discovered so obviously that something fishy was afoot Sean needed his location tracked to a downtrodden dormitory fuck-barn.

6. Mark Ruffalo’s Ruffalo Bills (Aidan)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 151.6 | PA: 120.9

Playing Next: Reading comprehension

Questionable Decision of the Week: $45 says he’s still doing Fontaine to all of his roommates and they’re plotting in equal measures to cut him out of the will and to put a steak knife in his femoral artery

Big boy trade man saw his wheeling and dealing pay off, running contrary to his favorite Silver-and-Black organization, and to the time he swapped his dignity for his desktop toaster oven. Drew Brees stepped up, and not just on the baby footstool he uses to properly gaze into the bathroom mirror to examine his face birthmark that looks like Spaghetti-O cum. Julio and JuJu took the field, which is worth 15 points apiece in standard ESPN scoring. Outside of that, though, we have another aberrant kicker performance, this one from Harrison “Anal” Butker, and Josh Jacobs putting up 25 against a Broncos defense more porous than an Aidan snap group selfie. Expect a greater fall from grace than that of the Robert Pattinson Porsche launching itself from the car WTC.

5. Cartoon Colt Copulation (Gabe)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 127.1 | PA: 145.3

Playing Next: The Birds Have Arrived (John)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Drafting from Hawaii during my last day on that particular vacation because I value disposable carnal pleasures more than lasting memories with my aging and loving parents

This ranking is like the number of inches I used to tell Tinder hookers after snapping them at 2AM: obviously inflated because I think I’m in control. A charitable read tells you that all of my risky/reachy picks paid off in spades and that I was one Desean Jackson start from starting the season off strong. A realistic assessment brings you back to the reality of the fact that depending on Desean Jackson for a victory is a lot like expecting me to bring you to orgasm. I’m just going to drop out before anyone crosses the line. Can’t wait to be 0-6 by the time AJ Green and Golden Tate come back, leaving me in a scramble for respectability that nobody respects, much like how I acquired my college degree.

4. Poo Poo Point Diarrheas (Griff)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 136.2 | PA: 130.7

Playing Next: TEAM DUMPSTER BEARS (Lauren)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Being really fucking amped about his band despite ostensibly not being under the influence of cocaine

Griffin’s starting lineup is the quintessential example of boom or bust, which is odd, because I thought the quintessential example of boom or bust was his nightly decision between offing himself and masturbating. Every single one of his starting skill players suits up for the Panthers, the Chargers, or the Rams. That diversity is so poor that it makes Mendoza look like the fucking United Nations. I’d tell you to branch out, Griff, but your bench is thinner than you if you were half your size and if half your size wasn’t also still fat. Will Lutz, your kicker, almost tripled the score of your quarterback. As the signal-caller in question is none other than Cameron Newton, I imagine that we won’t be hearing from Tori for a while, as her resultant pussy surge at a black man’s failure sent all of her electronics into traction.

3. TEAM DUMPSTER BEARS (Lolo)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 173.4 | PA: 131.2

Playing Next: What cruel twist of fate caused me to do the rankings like this

Questionable Decision of the Week: Letting me find out you actually own a Deshaun Watson jersey as if I didn’t already have enough roasting ammunition

Wowie! High score! Hope you’re hard at work roasting up some tasty crow for me to eat after my little draft-day Clemson jab because A) You cook so infrequently you thought a “burner” was one of the twitter accounts you use to solicit Hunter Renfrow dick pics and B) this is the last week you even sniff this stratosphere of point-getting. It is not often I flex my fantasy football “expertise” because clearly I don’t know shit about fuck but anyone who’s played this sick game of roulette for more than one season has learned the unalienable truth that you CANNOT TRUST SAMMY WATKINS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Holy god that 46.8-spot is a bigger mirage than someone looking at your hair under favorable light and thinking it has volume. Sammy will get run over by a stock car, Deshaun will have his spleen removed in week 6 when Laremy Tunsil turns his back on a bootleg to get fitted for a new nicotine gas mask, and your chances of success will disappear faster than your willingness to take on any more of my emotional baggage once I let you in the cargo hold. Much like our relationship, enjoy it while it lasts.

2. The Queen’s Booty Lickers (Liv)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 145.3 | PA: 127.1

Playing Next: James White is Right (Tori)

Questionable Decision of the Week: We won’t find out till next week, when she gets in contact again and sends 14 messages, 13 of which relate to topics nobody remembers and 1 of which is feloniously horny

It is cruel fucking fate that the Eagles stans would fly to the top of the power rankings from the word go. I know I attract toxic elements to my life, but being friends with multiple people from Philadelphia is like trying to run a fever to get out of going to school and instead having both your arms fed into an original Eli Whitney cotton gin. Liv didn’t even draft her squad, which probably explains why both Dak and Amari are both properly valued and are on this roster, ready to put up a combined 245 points a game because NFC East teams treat defense like Louis CK does consent. They don’t really think about it much. Hey Liv, hope that reflective road vest is enough to save you when Griffin trips coming out of a show and rolls downhill for 5 miles. It’s a good thing you have OBJ because you both look like closeted lesbians trying to stand out in Catholic school.

1. The Birds Have Arrived (John)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 167.7 | PA: 73

Playing Next: Cartoon Colt Copulation (idk some guy, poor bastard)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Getting piss on the floor of his bathroom, totally missing my mouth

This is a truly upsetting squad about which to write a recap. John’s team put up the second-most points with consistent performances across the board despite having AB and Melvin Gordon on the shelf. I haven’t been this worried about two people returning since John’s parents told him they were just going down to the store for a pack of cigarettes. It’s tough to not look at this lineup and be intimidated, so now we all know how John’s organs feel when they receive the message from his tastebuds that there’s a combination of peanut butter, salsa, Drano, and barbeque sauce slathered on a cheesesteak coming down the hatch. At least that sub is still more palatable than his dating life. John wanted me to hear two words: Antonio Brown. I got 2(1) words for ya, John: You’re the Anthony Fantano of book reviews if Fantano looked like Steve Brule and had the follower base of the Shakers.

See ya next week!

-Commish

Paris Restaurants, Bistros, Cocktail Bars and Bakeries

Not a day goes by when I don’t get a message requesting a restaurant recommendation in Paris. (Curiously, I also get asked for restaurant recommendations in cities I’ve never lived in, or even visited.) My promise to you is that I’ll only write up or recommend places I’ve been to, and with apologies to all who’ve asked for restaurant recommendations on social media, if I answered every request and message, I wouldn’t have time to write up this list for you. Or even go out to eat myself.

I do update my Paris restaurant list when I find a place I like. Similarly, when a restaurant or bistro isn’t what it used to be, I remove it. When I do a more extensive write up of a place, you’ll find it listed in my Paris restaurant categories. But other times, when I’m just going out to dinner, not toting my camera with me (and not remembering all the details the next day), I’ll give it a more general shout-out on my Paris restaurant page. But here’s a little more to add to that list, as well as some sweet shops and cocktail bars that are worthy of being on your radar.

Brasserie Bellanger (140, rue du Faubourg Poissonière, 10th) is one of the newest of the low-priced bistros that have popped up in Paris over the last few years. The young owners promise everything is fresh and fait maison (homemade), which was a criticism rightly leveled at some of the old-school bistros that lost their luster, noting that the brasserie sources things directly from producers, which allows them to keep prices modest. Our vegetable-centric pollack was perfectly cooked, served on a heap of vegetables. There were no fancy sauces or ornamentation. The frites we ordered alongside – because man cannot live by fish alone – were some of the best I’ve had in town. Often they’re soggy or soft, and these were cooked until bronzed and crispy. In short, the kind of fries that are worth polishing off. We finished with an Île flottante filled with mango puree and an excellent Paris-Brest. Super friendly staff and tables outside (although other diners waiting for tables may be smoking nearby), but still, the outside is a rather pleasant place.

Another place that I’ve been enjoying, where I’ve not taken a picture at, is Le Mermoz (16, rue Jean Mermoz, 8th). This starkly-decorated bistro allows you to focus on the food, which isn’t just beautifully-presented, but it’s perfectly prepared. A recent lunch started with a plate of lightly blanched green beans with fresh almonds and pickled apricots. Dessert was softly cooked cherries bathed in sabayon with cubes of Gâteau de Savoie and a sprinkling of fresh elderflowers. The focus is on quality of ingredients and preparation, rather than portion size, at least at lunch, when I’ve dined there. But it’s usually enough for me.

I’ve written about les routiers before, French truck stops known for serving honest, no-nonsense fare, hearty enough for truckers, who need a decent meal to break up the monotony of being on the road. Aux Bons Crus in Paris probably doesn’t get that many truckers, but locals like it because it serves honest French food without a lot of fuss. Recently three women next to us were thrilled to be able to get kidneys, while we shared a Frisée salad with lardons (bacon), rillettes (not my favorite dish on the menu), and œufs mayo, before digging into mains of straightforward French fare, everything intentionally priced to please camionneurs (truckers), and the rest of us.

Yup, I know it’s not called Bo Bun, but that’s what they call it in France. (And yes, in France, it’s also café express, not an espresso.) If you have a problem with the language, take it up with the Académie Française. Whatever you call it, Bo Bun has become as popular at the Apérol Spritz around town, especially with the twenty-something set. But the one at Lux Café (73, rue Saint-Maur, no website) is different than others. The grilled rolls and pork (although it’s available with fried tofu, and yes, with grilled pork the dish is traditionally referred to as Bun Cha) are on a bed of curled up sheets of noodles, rather than the traditional strands of vermicelli.

There’s only one thing on the menu and the prices are higher than the other places around town, but I think it’s worth it. If you want to walk up to Belleville, Dong Huong has a pretty good one, too. Actually, at Dong Huong I always get B12 on the menu, do-it-yourself rice paper rolls that you roll up with grilled chicken, fresh herbs, carrots, and rice noodles. It took me a while to get the hang of it; an older Vietnamese waiter saw me struggling the first time and came over to show me how it’s done. Now, I’m almost a pro, although when I was in Vietnam, when I saw how deftly everyone make their rice paper rolls, and realized how much I still have to learn.

Also on my radar has been Poulette, perhaps the prettiest restaurant in Paris. We went for lunch and started with asparagus bathed in a Chartreuse-tinged mousseline and œufs mayo, then moved on to an outstanding plate of quail in a sauce of d’Anjou white wine with green peppercorns and fingerling potatoes. Happily, Poulette has fresh fruit juices made to order at the bar, if you’re on lunch break and don’t want to drink wine, but if you come in the evening (or if you’re up for a little day-drinking), there’s an especially strong list of house-made cocktails.

It was late afternoon when we arrived at Cravan (17, rue Jean de la Fontaine, 16th), so was happy to have a sip of one of the libations of Franck Audoux, the owner of this truly hole-in-the-wall café. But what a hole! Designed by Hector Guimard, who designed many of the art nouveau Paris métro stations, everything at Cravan is pretty, and perfect. I’ve not been during mealtime but I’ve tried a number of the small plates, which are a quite a change from the bowls of peanuts or potato chips served around town. (However, these aren’t free.) I’ve loved everything I’ve had here, from the straightforward cocktails that focus on French spirits, like the Cognac-forward Boulevardier I had last week, but the snacks have always been excellent. The café is rather cozy, but the expansive terrace is a gorgeous place to sit in the warmer months.

I went shortly after it opened and Double Dragon (52, rue Saint-Maur, 11th) had a few kinks to work out. They didn’t take reservations so we got there when they opened at 7pm, and there was already a line. The other was the music, which was pretty loud. Thankfully both have calmed down, however they still don’t take reservations, and Double Dragon offers up Asian fare quite a few steps above the other places around town. Opened by the two sisters that operate Le Servan down the street, you’ll find little pepper icons on the menu to let you know something is spicy. The server warned us against a few of those things on the menu, then heard my accent, and let me go ;)

The fritters (above) are tofu beignets lined with Comté cheese, served with a mayo-based XO sauce.  The thrice-cooked beef with celery was very good, and the Sichuan noodles were, indeed, very spicy. But we both slurped them up.

An old favorite that I hope never changes is Le Petit Vendôme, known for having some of the best sandwiches in town. True, there are places to sit, but if you want to feel like a local, order a sandwich, saddle up the bar, order a glass of Burgundy, and enjoy the atmosphere…and le sandwich. The classic jambon-beurre here is renown.

On the other end of the spectrum is La Fontaine de Belleville, a spiffy, well-polished French café, owned by Belleville Brûlerie, pioneers of the quality coffee movement in Paris. It’s been restored and serving the legendary coffee that’s roasted not far from the café, and you can also get a classic jambon-beurre sandwich and a Croque Monsieur, then finish up with one of the excellent house-made desserts. The Pain d’épice, shown above, goes great with a p’tit crème.

Further up the hill in Belleville, is La Cave de Belleville, a natural wine bar. Often these kinds of wine bars attract a hip crowd, who seems more interested in jumping out of their seats to grab a smoke outside, or check their Likes, rather than doing any serious eating. (I’m always amazed when a server puts down plates of hot food in front of people, and at that moment, they run outside.) Here, everyone stays put as the plates of cheese and charcuterie are hard to walk away from. The one shown (above) was dinner for three of us, along with a plate of burrata that was better than most versions around town. Wines are available by the glass or bottle, and the wine prices are remarkably reasonable.

On the sweet side, I went to a launch party for Aqua Vitae chocolates from Edwart. Edwin, the owner and chocolatier, loves liqueurs and spirits and his new collection of chocolates brilliantly incorporates them. Sometimes when people add liqueurs, they can be too faint to fully appreciate. But each chocolate in this assortment, which includes one blended with Glenfiddish whisky aged in IPA barrels, Del Maguey mezcal and Venezuelan chocolate, and the elusive Chartreuse végétal elixir (unavailable in the U.S., but comes in a handy wooden box for travel), boldly go where few chocolates dare to go. The collection is available for a limited time only.

The sign outside says “Depuis Hier,” nothing that they’ve been open “since yesterday,” The French Bastards have arrived on the Paris pastry scene. There are babkas and cruffins, as well as a formidable lemon meringue tart (which is meant to be for one, but I think it’d feed four), but their regular vienoisserie, the croissants and pains au chocolat (above), are outstanding. One day the exceptionally friendly bâtards called me into the kitchen and sliced into a slew of trial batches, to taste. Their croissants are larger than others around town, but as buttery flakes and shards flew around while we sampled, I learned that they’ve hit their stride and this is a bold new addition to the pâtisseries of Paris.

Starting a meal with a drink is a French tradition, during l’heure de l’apéro, or apéritif hour. This Kiss & Fly (above) at Mino was a refreshing twist on the spritz, a blend of Pimm’s, lemon, ginger cordial, finished off with grapefruit soda and prosecco. While this is a very competent cocktail bar with friendly bartenders, the food is quite good, too. The menu changes frequently but the flavors (and decor) continue to be drawn from the Mediterranean.

Staying by the sea, the nautical theme at Copper Bay will take you away from being in a bustling city center, along with a line-up of seasonal cocktails shaken and stirred up by the friendly staff. There may be a Tipsy Tea, their interpretation of a Pimm’s No. 1 Cup, or a Tzatziki, made with dill-infused vodka, basil, cucumber, and mastic spirit. You can also get artisan sparkling apple cider or pastis (with or without orgeat syrup), served by the glass, carafe, or even frozen.

Considered the oldest cocktail bar in Paris, Gallopin has expanded to the space next door, for the more casual La Rôtisserie Gallopin featuring cocktails on tap, created by one of the best bartenders in Paris, Stan Jouenne. His coffee-fueled Negroni combines Grand Brûlot coffee-Cognac liqueur, Salers (gentian) and Dolin vermouth, all from France, as the bar only uses French spirits. I haven’t eaten at their rôtisserie yet (it just opened this week), but if this drink is any indication, we might both want to check out the food.

Someone requested the recipe for these Socca Chips on social media, which are available at the Fédération Française de l’Apéritif, which is like asking the recipe for Fritos. It’s not going to happen, at least in anyone’s home. (If you do have a recipe for Fritos, please forward it to me!) But as I often say, everything doesn’t need to be available everywhere, all the time. It’s often best just to go somewhere and enjoy it there, which holds especially true for the FFA, as this apéritif bar is called. Only French products line the shelves, including buckwheat galette (crêpe) chips, that are also “Recipe, please” worthy, and a changing selection of cheese and meats to go with whatever you’re drinking.

Combat may seem like an unusual name for a Parisan bar (in my next book, I explain why), but you don’t need to know why right now, you just need to go to what is one of my favorite cocktail bars in Paris. The drinks aren’t over-the-top (thank you…) but straightforward, and delicious. For some reason, the bar height and size works perfectly for me; I always feel like I’m dining (or drinking) in someone’s home, rather than in a bar. The cocktail I prefer is the Perfect Serve, above, with whiskey, dried pear, sherry, ume liqueur, and a touch of absinthe. The name is spot-on.

While I avoid the term “industry favorite,” a number of bartenders in Paris have told me they like Sherry Butt. They’ve got a beguiling list of drinks, which changes, but I recently enjoyed a Ronin (above), with Japanese whisky, madiera infused with pandan (a tropical plant), oloroso sherry, Champagne, smoked sea and – whew – black salt. It sounded more complicated than it was, and I’m always amazed when a bartender can add a curiously diverse list of ingredients to a glass, and make it taste like simple liquid. That’s a skill worth raising a glass to, which we did.

Source: https://www.davidlebovitz.com/bakery-bistro-paris-restaurants-cocktail-bars-and-bakeries/

Paris Restaurants, Bistros, Cocktail Bars and Bakeries

Not a day goes by when I don’t get a message requesting a restaurant recommendation in Paris. (Curiously, I also get asked for restaurant recommendations in cities I’ve never lived in, or even visited.) My promise to you is that I’ll only write up or recommend places I’ve been to, and with apologies to all who’ve asked for restaurant recommendations on social media, if I answered every request and message, I wouldn’t have time to write up this list for you. Or even go out to eat myself.

I do update my Paris restaurant list when I find a place I like. Similarly, when a restaurant or bistro isn’t what it used to be, I remove it. When I do a more extensive write up of a place, you’ll find it listed in my Paris restaurant categories. But other times, when I’m just going out to dinner, not toting my camera with me (and not remembering all the details the next day), I’ll give it a more general shout-out on my Paris restaurant page. But here’s a little more to add to that list, as well as some sweet shops and cocktail bars that are worthy of being on your radar.

Brasserie Bellanger (140, rue du Faubourg Poissonière, 10th) is one of the newest of the low-priced bistros that have popped up in Paris over the last few years. The young owners promise everything is fresh and fait maison (homemade), which was a criticism rightly leveled at some of the old-school bistros that lost their luster, noting that the brasserie sources things directly from producers, which allows them to keep prices modest. Our vegetable-centric pollack was perfectly cooked, served on a heap of vegetables. There were no fancy sauces or ornamentation. The frites we ordered alongside – because man cannot live by fish alone – were some of the best I’ve had in town. Often they’re soggy or soft, and these were cooked until bronzed and crispy. In short, the kind of fries that are worth polishing off. We finished with an Île flottante filled with mango puree and an excellent Paris-Brest. Super friendly staff and tables outside (although other diners waiting for tables may be smoking nearby), but still, the outside is a rather pleasant place.

Another place that I’ve been enjoying, where I’ve not taken a picture at, is Le Mermoz (16, rue Jean Mermoz, 8th). This starkly-decorated bistro allows you to focus on the food, which isn’t just beautifully-presented, but it’s perfectly prepared. A recent lunch started with a plate of lightly blanched green beans with fresh almonds and pickled apricots. Dessert was softly cooked cherries bathed in sabayon with cubes of Gâteau de Savoie and a sprinkling of fresh elderflowers. The focus is on quality of ingredients and preparation, rather than portion size, at least at lunch, when I’ve dined there. But it’s usually enough for me.

I’ve written about les routiers before, French truck stops known for serving honest, no-nonsense fare, hearty enough for truckers, who need a decent meal to break up the monotony of being on the road. Aux Bons Crus in Paris probably doesn’t get that many truckers, but locals like it because it serves honest French food without a lot of fuss. Recently three women next to us were thrilled to be able to get kidneys, while we shared a Frisée salad with lardons (bacon), rillettes (not my favorite dish on the menu), and œufs mayo, before digging into mains of straightforward French fare, everything intentionally priced to please camionneurs (truckers), and the rest of us.

Yup, I know it’s not called Bo Bun, but that’s what they call it in France. (And yes, in France, it’s also café express, not an espresso.) If you have a problem with the language, take it up with the Académie Française. Whatever you call it, Bo Bun has become as popular at the Apérol Spritz around town, especially with the twenty-something set. But the one at Lux Café (73, rue Saint-Maur, no website) is different than others. The grilled rolls and pork (although it’s available with fried tofu, and yes, with grilled pork the dish is traditionally referred to as Bun Cha) are on a bed of curled up sheets of noodles, rather than the traditional strands of vermicelli.

There’s only one thing on the menu and the prices are higher than the other places around town, but I think it’s worth it. If you want to walk up to Belleville, Dong Huong has a pretty good one, too. Actually, at Dong Huong I always get B12 on the menu, do-it-yourself rice paper rolls that you roll up with grilled chicken, fresh herbs, carrots, and rice noodles. It took me a while to get the hang of it; an older Vietnamese waiter saw me struggling the first time and came over to show me how it’s done. Now, I’m almost a pro, although when I was in Vietnam, when I saw how deftly everyone make their rice paper rolls, and realized how much I still have to learn.

Also on my radar has been Poulette, perhaps the prettiest restaurant in Paris. We went for lunch and started with asparagus bathed in a Chartreuse-tinged mousseline and œufs mayo, then moved on to an outstanding plate of quail in a sauce of d’Anjou white wine with green peppercorns and fingerling potatoes. Happily, Poulette has fresh fruit juices made to order at the bar, if you’re on lunch break and don’t want to drink wine, but if you come in the evening (or if you’re up for a little day-drinking), there’s an especially strong list of house-made cocktails.

It was late afternoon when we arrived at Cravan (17, rue Jean de la Fontaine, 16th), so was happy to have a sip of one of the libations of Franck Audoux, the owner of this truly hole-in-the-wall café. But what a hole! Designed by Hector Guimard, who designed many of the art nouveau Paris métro stations, everything at Cravan is pretty, and perfect. I’ve not been during mealtime but I’ve tried a number of the small plates, which are a quite a change from the bowls of peanuts or potato chips served around town. (However, these aren’t free.) I’ve loved everything I’ve had here, from the straightforward cocktails that focus on French spirits, like the Cognac-forward Boulevardier I had last week, but the snacks have always been excellent. The café is rather cozy, but the expansive terrace is a gorgeous place to sit in the warmer months.

I went shortly after it opened and Double Dragon (52, rue Saint-Maur, 11th) had a few kinks to work out. They didn’t take reservations so we got there when they opened at 7pm, and there was already a line. The other was the music, which was pretty loud. Thankfully both have calmed down, however they still don’t take reservations, and Double Dragon offers up Asian fare quite a few steps above the other places around town. Opened by the two sisters that operate Le Servan down the street, you’ll find little pepper icons on the menu to let you know something is spicy. The server warned us against a few of those things on the menu, then heard my accent, and let me go ;)

The fritters (above) are tofu beignets lined with Comté cheese, served with a mayo-based XO sauce.  The thrice-cooked beef with celery was very good, and the Sichuan noodles were, indeed, very spicy. But we both slurped them up.

An old favorite that I hope never changes is Le Petit Vendôme, known for having some of the best sandwiches in town. True, there are places to sit, but if you want to feel like a local, order a sandwich, saddle up the bar, order a glass of Burgundy, and enjoy the atmosphere…and le sandwich. The classic jambon-beurre here is renown.

On the other end of the spectrum is La Fontaine de Belleville, a spiffy, well-polished French café, owned by Belleville Brûlerie, pioneers of the quality coffee movement in Paris. It’s been restored and serving the legendary coffee that’s roasted not far from the café, and you can also get a classic jambon-beurre sandwich and a Croque Monsieur, then finish up with one of the excellent house-made desserts. The Pain d’épice, shown above, goes great with a p’tit crème.

Further up the hill in Belleville, is La Cave de Belleville, a natural wine bar. Often these kinds of wine bars attract a hip crowd, who seems more interested in jumping out of their seats to grab a smoke outside, or check their Likes, rather than doing any serious eating. (I’m always amazed when a server puts down plates of hot food in front of people, and at that moment, they run outside.) Here, everyone stays put as the plates of cheese and charcuterie are hard to walk away from. The one shown (above) was dinner for three of us, along with a plate of burrata that was better than most versions around town. Wines are available by the glass or bottle, and the wine prices are remarkably reasonable.

On the sweet side, I went to a launch party for Aqua Vitae chocolates from Edwart. Edwin, the owner and chocolatier, loves liqueurs and spirits and his new collection of chocolates brilliantly incorporates them. Sometimes when people add liqueurs, they can be too faint to fully appreciate. But each chocolate in this assortment, which includes one blended with Glenfiddish whisky aged in IPA barrels, Del Maguey mezcal and Venezuelan chocolate, and the elusive Chartreuse végétal elixir (unavailable in the U.S., but comes in a handy wooden box for travel), boldly go where few chocolates dare to go. The collection is available for a limited time only.

The sign outside says “Depuis Hier,” nothing that they’ve been open “since yesterday,” The French Bastards have arrived on the Paris pastry scene. There are babkas and cruffins, as well as a formidable lemon meringue tart (which is meant to be for one, but I think it’d feed four), but their regular vienoisserie, the croissants and pains au chocolat (above), are outstanding. One day the exceptionally friendly bâtards called me into the kitchen and sliced into a slew of trial batches, to taste. Their croissants are larger than others around town, but as buttery flakes and shards flew around while we sampled, I learned that they’ve hit their stride and this is a bold new addition to the pâtisseries of Paris.

Starting a meal with a drink is a French tradition, during l’heure de l’apéro, or apéritif hour. This Kiss & Fly (above) at Mino was a refreshing twist on the spritz, a blend of Pimm’s, lemon, ginger cordial, finished off with grapefruit soda and prosecco. While this is a very competent cocktail bar with friendly bartenders, the food is quite good, too. The menu changes frequently but the flavors (and decor) continue to be drawn from the Mediterranean.

Staying by the sea, the nautical theme at Copper Bay will take you away from being in a bustling city center, along with a line-up of seasonal cocktails shaken and stirred up by the friendly staff. There may be a Tipsy Tea, their interpretation of a Pimm’s No. 1 Cup, or a Tzatziki, made with dill-infused vodka, basil, cucumber, and mastic spirit. You can also get artisan sparkling apple cider or pastis (with or without orgeat syrup), served by the glass, carafe, or even frozen.

Considered the oldest cocktail bar in Paris, Gallopin has expanded to the space next door, for the more casual La Rôtisserie Gallopin featuring cocktails on tap, created by one of the best bartenders in Paris, Stan Jouenne. His coffee-fueled Negroni combines Grand Brûlot coffee-Cognac liqueur, Salers (gentian) and Dolin vermouth, all from France, as the bar only uses French spirits. I haven’t eaten at their rôtisserie yet (it just opened this week), but if this drink is any indication, we might both want to check out the food.

Someone requested the recipe for these Socca Chips on social media, which are available at the Fédération Française de l’Apéritif, which is like asking the recipe for Fritos. It’s not going to happen, at least in anyone’s home. (If you do have a recipe for Fritos, please forward it to me!) But as I often say, everything doesn’t need to be available everywhere, all the time. It’s often best just to go somewhere and enjoy it there, which holds especially true for the FFA, as this apéritif bar is called. Only French products line the shelves, including buckwheat galette (crêpe) chips, that are also “Recipe, please” worthy, and a changing selection of cheese and meats to go with whatever you’re drinking.

Combat may seem like an unusual name for a Parisan bar (in my next book, I explain why), but you don’t need to know why right now, you just need to go to what is one of my favorite cocktail bars in Paris. The drinks aren’t over-the-top (thank you…) but straightforward, and delicious. For some reason, the bar height and size works perfectly for me; I always feel like I’m dining (or drinking) in someone’s home, rather than in a bar. The cocktail I prefer is the Perfect Serve, above, with whiskey, dried pear, sherry, ume liqueur, and a touch of absinthe. The name is spot-on.

While I avoid the term “industry favorite,” a number of bartenders in Paris have told me they like Sherry Butt. They’ve got a beguiling list of drinks, which changes, but I recently enjoyed a Ronin (above), with Japanese whisky, madiera infused with pandan (a tropical plant), oloroso sherry, Champagne, smoked sea and – whew – black salt. It sounded more complicated than it was, and I’m always amazed when a bartender can add a curiously diverse list of ingredients to a glass, and make it taste like simple liquid. That’s a skill worth raising a glass to, which we did.

Source: https://www.davidlebovitz.com/bakery-bistro-paris-restaurants-cocktail-bars-and-bakeries/