Bloopers/Notes from "A New Home!"

☆I don't have anything too silly until ch. 15 :(

Ch. 1, Where am I?:

☆I started this fic at like, 2 am, just on complete impulse. Everything here just summoned itself from my 2 am brainrot.

☆I didn't really chat this chapter out with any friends, so nothing too silly.

Ch. 2, Meeting New People?:

☆I was planning on making reader more of a Simp, but I talked to my friends and we decided against it, since it would be difficult for reader to get along with characters more genuinely.

☆At the end of the chapter, "If I go to sleep here, will I wake back up in the real world?...", I was thinking of just posting chapter 3 where it said: You wake up, story over. The end.

Ch. 3, We are the Army.:

☆Army was an octoling since the beginning! You can see that in the banner. The background is made up of octopi instead of squids, and you can see a bit of a tentacle.

Ch. 4, If memory serves wrong...:

☆Bro I suck at writing flirty stuff. End me now, Aloha's difficult for me to write

☆The "nothin' personal, kid", was a total reference, and I plan on adding many more. I'm going to try my best to add some iconic vines that still suit the scene.

Ch. 5, Descisions, decisions.:

☆On the other hand, I looove drawing aloha! He's so cute and silly! I like to draw his tentacles very round and bubbly and man, his eyes are so pretty!

☆This was the chapter that made me start thinking about giving reader teammates, mostly because they needed someone other than a bench to sleep.

Ch. 6, Hoooow Anoooying.:

☆mASK MY BELOVED

☆Can you tell he's my favorite?

☆I wanted to make him a little silly, giving him more of a personality. He can't be scary all the time, I really do think part of it is an act.

☆Another anime reference: the lens of his gasmask shining, just like in an anime.

Ch. 7, SUB WEAPON HELL!:

☆I was torn between what to do for the banner. I already used Mask with his mask on for chapter 6, and I planned on using his maskless version for what's now chapter 13. But then I remembered another one of my favorite boyos, Desi! I know he isn't featured too much in this chapter, and I'm sorry, but I needed something!

☆Anyways, I know this entire battle by heart. I know all of Mask's voice lines. Save me.

☆I try my best to not show bias in my fics, but I will relentlessly show it outside of em'.

☆Ugh, can't wait for team cyan moments fr

Ch. 8, Newfound Family.:

☆THE GUYS FR

☆I was stuck between just giving reader nameless teammates, incase ya'll already had your own ocs in mind of something, but I HATE nameless characters. And characters that don't have a personality. I figured that I'd already have to give them personalities, so why not go all in.

☆Soooo, I threw in my beloved OCs! I've had these guys around for YEARS, so I know them and their personalities like the back of my hand, which makes writing for them super easy and fun!

☆bro they look so cursed with splatoon 1 hairstyles to me. I didn't have the heart to snatch their iconic hair, so ignore that.

LOOK AT HIM!! ITS NOT EVEN MILO ANYMORE HE'S JUST MARCUS SMH.

Ch. 9, Shopping Spree!:

☆I actually wrote this and the last chapter at 1 am by accident. I was like oho let me write a few notes down for tomorrow so I don't forget. But here we are 2k words later.

☆After seeing that the next day, I realised that the squad tm would take up 2 chapters total. There's 3 of them. So then I had to figure out how to do the banners. I worked it out, though!

☆Tasha's hair's longer I swear, it just didn't fit on the banner smh

☆Damn she and skull look a lot alike, huh

☆L

Ch. 10, Skull's Territory.:

☆I knew I couldn't have reader simp, but that doesn't mean I can't have some simpery!! So I have Milo, Leo and Tasha to do it!! They get to express my true emotions <3

Ch. 11, A Misunderstanding?:

☆sTEAAAALTH!!! <3333

☆My sweet boy

☆So the poll for background characters was mostly for him ngl

☆THOSE DAMN GOGGLES WERE SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS TO SHADE WAAAAH

☆I also may have colored them green by accident the first time and had to start over.

☆I reaaaally hate making characters like Rider go OOC, but I need the story to continue! I'm sorryyyy

Ch. 12, Getting Too Comfortable.:

☆FINALLY WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE UGH

☆Also, blushy rider. ♡♡

☆He wants that battle, dude

Ch. 13, Player Two?:

☆aaaAAAA MAAASK

☆May have made a 9 hour mask playlist to write to.

☆Ahem.

☆I was planning on going in official meeting order for these uhh "getting closer with the S4", (Rider, army, aloha, mask, skull.) but my clear bias for Mask got me to write for him first.

☆I struggled to choose which song, but the idea came to me because I learned all the lyrics to Kick Back(chainsaw man), not too long ago. But I figured I'd just go with one of the most well known series/openings.

☆Didn't make the cut:

-Was gonna have reader and Mask walk in the rain together. That's why reader grabbed Milo's umbrella, cause it was the biggest one.

-c'mon, that would have been cute

Ch. 14, ...You Didn't See that.:

☆I was planning this since the start to be honest. Not exactly this scenario, but I knew I wanted to throw this headcannon in there.

☆After seeing how much love my fic was getting, I was almost going to abandon the idea, afraid that my readers wouldn't like it, and leave.

☆Jeebus those tentacles took me way too long to draw.

Figuring out what to do for Army's meetup+scrapped ideas:

Ch. 15, Sweetheart.:

☆I only made it to 1k words with Skull's part, he really doesn't talk a lot so it's hard to fill up space.

☆Soooooo

☆You guys asked for it: Avi time!

☆Now finally, here's some of the discord chats I had with my friends. Plans for story along with memes. Blanked out hints for the next chapter.:

Ch. 16, An Unexpected Meetup.:

☆I completely winged it. I knew I wanted like- a dummy kinda where we'd see all the S4 at once

☆Sorry for minimal aloha time, we got him earlier in the series though! (Bias game strong, he's not my favorite s4 member :( )

☆I'll try for more aloha time soon I'm sorry

☆The kind of rivalry/jeasoulsy between them wasn't planned and I kinda don't like it, but it is canon that they don't really like eachother so

☆Eh

Ch. 17: Not Much of a Choice, Huh?

☆Ughhh this feels like a dating sim now and I hate it

☆But characters catching feelings ♡♡♡

☆Not to figure out how they deal with them and how readers gonna figure that out

☆Wah

Ch. 18: Challengers Approach!

☆ oOoo they catchin' feelings!!!

Ch. 19: The Freshest Squid on the Block!

☆ YOOOOO LEO FANBOY!?!?!

☆ Hehe, we love making Leo happy

☆ Ugh, Emperor. I was not looking forward to writing him. I personally don't have him as a favorite, I was never able to like his kingly attitude. (I looove his design as somebody who draws nd does character design, though! Well made character.) Buuut...(see ch. 21)

Ch. 20: The Absolute King.

☆Yesss! Reader showing more emotion!!

☆Someone's gettin' angyyy

☆Ohoho does this count as angst? Berly, but I'm enjoying it

☆ Did you guys know that I half specialise in angst? Yeah enjoy that info

Ch. 21: A Crushing Defeat.

☆ Making you guys hate him off the bat is a lot dunner to write! He was shitty and mean in the first bit where he was shown anyways, so suffer! He'll have to go through some character development eventually, but until then, he's your most despised rival mwahaha

☆I hope the wat I write him makes you wanna deck him in the face :)

Ch. 22: It Only Gets Tougher, I Promise

☆ ... what no, what makes you think mask is my favorite. I show no bias ever. (How many times have I said that, now?)

Hey!! You! Do you like queer purple goofballs? Consider voting for my queer purple goofball in this poll!!

"But Aloe!!" You may cry. "We don't know anything about your queer purple goofball!" Fantastic news, there is a (sort of long) solution to that under the ReadMore link, and you're welcome to reply to this post or send me an ask (on any of my blogs) if you wanna know more!

Also if you reblog this I will love you forever

SURPRISE!! There isn't just one Kalamari, there are two!!!! Magnapinna is Kalamari's alter :3 She's pink, Kalamari is purple, and together they're an eccentric bisexual-colored mess of gradients and glitter

Kalamari:

-Wandering Salesperson, takes their job very silly instead of very seriously. All her goods are definitely totally for sure legally acquired, don't worry about it!

-25 years old

-He/She/They/It pronouns, that he likes people to alternate Frequently. Would consider using neopronouns too, but hasn't decided on any yet

-Sexuality is 'whatever is fun!' and gender is 'just a goofy guy'

-Whimsical!! All about having fun and finding strange things

-Absurd optimist

-In an 'It's complicated' relationship with another oc of mine, Glass!

-Very good at smuggling things. It's awful at being sneaky, but she stands out so much that people pay more attention to him than whatever she might be holding. The kind of person that could confidently walk out of a store while carrying an entire television they just stole

-Never ever takes his mask off. No one knows what their face looks like. If asked about it, she gives a different answer every time, and it gets more ridiculous the more you ask. ('I'm bad at smiling, but I wanted people to know I'm happy', 'It's comfy', 'I just like having secrets', 'I'm legally unallowed to show my face', 'People can't handle looking at me and I got tired of it', 'Oh I don't actually have a face under here', 'Never piss off a wizard'.)

-Name refers to squid served as food (calamari)

-Calls Magnapinna 'Magna'

Magnapinna:

-Wandering Voice of Reason, constantly working to keep Kalamari safe and make sure she actually gets things done

-Also 25 years old

-She/They/It pronouns, doesn't care which one(s) people decide to use because she doesn't care for people talking about her at all

-Sexuality is 'no' and gender is 'absolutely not'

-Certified The Horrors (tm). Can be kind of mean, but she's just very serious and doesn't have time to deal with other people. Someone in this system has to be responsible!

-Resigned realist at best, irritated pessimist at worst

-Highly approves of Glass' positive influence on Kalamari, highly disapproves of directly interacting with her

-Secretly shy!

-Has her own mask, a pouty one like in the picture above, but often just wears Kalamari's, as she doesn't think anyone deserves to know when she's fronting. (Really, she's mostly just shy about people potentially getting to know her.)

-Name refers to a rare, creepy squid that looks like they 100% would eat a person, they're so scary to me. I love them so much

-Calls Kalamari 'Mari' sometimes, mostly when things have gone terribly, horribly, horrifically wrong and she's stressed about it

In honor of this week's server poll, how about some dancing headcanons?

Time:

So part of Time's dancing is because of his fighting prowess. He learned to be quick on his feet, so he's really good at footwork. However, he's just... not sure what to do with his upper half. He's kind of awkward like that. It lends itself well to river dance, which he probably learned at some point on his travels (can't decide where... maybe the Zora?)

He's also not half bad at pair dancing, particularly with Malon. The trick with anything aside from river dance etc is to get him to stop being self conscious, so dancing with Malon really helps with that

Twilight:

Alright, now this is obvious, but he's familiar with country-type dances, like square dances. It's the kind of thing villages do for festivals, so everyone involved becomes well versed in them. He teaches the others some of his favorites, and they all participate on nights where the stars are out and they're well rested and in high spirits.

He catches onto other not overly complicated dances without too much issue as well, so he's not likely to make a fool of himself in formal dance situations

Warriors:

He's the captain of the guard, he knows how to waltz for formal reasons. However, at various points along the journey he encountered many people and many different dances. He really likes the more fun types of dance, especially ones that show off how in shape he is because he is just a tad vain.

Midna and Ruto thought it was hilarious to teach him the less traditional dances and Impa was. Tired. But anyway he's well versed in several dances and likes to show off on occasion

Aside from being a showoff, he really did like dancing with friends a lot. He and the gals partied. It's a fact

Four:

So yes I like the idea that Four knows waltz due to being childhood friends with Zelda. It makes sense.

HOWEVER, I also like the idea that some of the Colors know other dances. Vio is really good with swing dance, Blue is surprisingly well versed in like, tap dance. Green and Red though? Lost. They don't know anything else.

This leads to a strange "Four can sometimes dance and sometimes can't. No we don't know what his deal is"

Wind:

Is bapy!! Okay but really he's not super familiar with any sort of official dance either. For him it's a 'move to the beat' kind of deal. Just do what feels right! Whether what feels right actually looks like a dance or looks like he's a fish out of water is a different story.

The closest thing to an actual dance that he knows is something the pirates do. It's hard to explain, but it's a kind of cross between a duel and a dance. There's like a 75% chance of injury. It's not a recommended activity, no matter how much Wind insists that it's fun.

Wild:

Okay so this is a long-standing headcanon, but in answer to if he can dance: yes. Once again, similar to Four and Warriors, waltz is something he knows for formal reasons, though for him it isn't a concious memory but more muscle memory, a forgotten remnant of his time as a royal guard.

Aside from that, he's similar to Leg in of that he picked up other dances on his travels. The different races and cities in Hyrule have different dances, and Wild knows them all. The belly-dancing Gerudo, the strong stamps of the Gorons (you know like those Polynesian/Hawaiian dances the men do? That), the swaying and spinning of the Rito, the elegant movements of the Zora. He's danced them all.

He cannot, however, play an instrument to save his life. Do not give him an instrument. At best, it will be offkey. At worst, he will break it. Leave him to the dancefloor, not the band. ((This headcanon is very relevant to my Feral AU))

Legend:

So, Legend can canonically dance. We know this. Personal headcanons are that he's well traveled, and has picked up many, many dances along the way. From formal to traditional to modern, the boy has moves and he's extremely good at it, arguably overall the best dancer out of the nine.

Here's the thing: it's actually pretty hard to get him to dance. He's prickly and touchy, and convincing him to do something like that can take some work. Easiest way? Challenge his skills. He is a prideful creature and will defend his honor. Warriors knows this well and they've had several dance offs as a result.

Despite that, there's one thing he can't do, and that's slow pair dances. He never really learned that one, and the one time he tried... well, that's a dream gone by.

Hyrule:

So, we all know the boy is our "Street Smarts" kid. He's not exactly taught in dance. In fact he's not super familiar with the concept? Like, he likes music, and he likes kind of tapping his feet to it, but has no concept of how you're supposed to dance. He sees people do it, but feels silly trying to do what they're doing. If he catches onto a dance, it's probably something simple and more based on the emotions and the heart as opposed to footwork. Footwork confuses him.

Potentially could get good at something like theatre dance if given time

Sky:

Soft bird boy... so I believe that at some point during his schooling everyone is taught a traditional dance. It's a sort of group thing for festivals, something like a square dance but not quite as like, folksy? It's a bit more organized and elegant than your standard square dance.

He also knows how to slow dance, because Zelda insisted on them learning it. It took a while, but he knows the ins and outs of several pair dances and is a very good dance partner.

Now, more fast-paced, complicated dances? Nope. Gets left behind, probably trips. He'd love to learn but it takes time he just doesn't have right now, so he'll politely clap on the sidelines so he doesn't get trampled and cause a domino effect

Game Review — Paper Mario: The Origami King

It’s not a secret that I’m not a huge fan of Mario. Though I’ve played various Mario games almost since I first started playing video games in general (though never with dedication, and my first actual video game was the very first Sonic the Hedgehog), for me Mario games have always been okay, or decent, but not something I’d play at length aside from spin-offs like Mario Kart or Party. The exceptions were 64 and Odyssey, and the only one of those I actually liked and didn’t play just because I was bored out of my skull was 64. Needless to say, I tend to keep scrolling when I see an announcement dedicated to Mario.

Nonetheless, the newest Mario—or rather, Paper Mario—piqued my interest.

Overall Score: 8/10

I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this game. It wasn’t one that I was dying to get back to every single day, but it was one that I enjoyed playing every day that I did play it nonetheless, and I was actually a little sad when it ended and almost went for 100% completion just to keep playing it. I didn’t end up doing that (though maybe I’ll go back at some point, who knows), but I did enjoy what time I had with it nonetheless. More details beneath the cut, better viewed on my blog due to ugly dash formatting.

The Pros:

The dialogue was probably the most enjoyable part to me. Everything was coated with a glib tone that made it clear the writers weren’t taking this too seriously, which is precisely what Mario games need. Games like Odyssey that clearly take themselves seriously (or at least more seriously than not) tend to fall flat to me. Mario is a bright, colorful fantasy series that is at its best when it’s clearly having fun and being silly, and that’s what the dialogue in this game was. Even the unnamed NPCs had personality and were fun to talk to, to the point where I didn’t even mind rescuing Toads the same way I did Koroks in my favorite game of all time, Breath of the Wild. I even outright laughed at points, such as when some Goombas said they had to “take the L” because they were saved by Mario. The dialogue really enhanced the whole experience.

To that end, the characters themselves were pretty great. I LOVE Olivia, and did pretty much right from the start, but I was surprised at how even characters that I felt were annoying at first wormed their way into my heart (BOBBY). While not all of the partners were memorable (looking at you, Toad partners), there were more memorable ones than not, and while the characterization wasn’t super deep, this is a Mario game. They don’t need to be super deep. They were good for what they were.

I really love the Paper Mario art style and how much work goes into showing how much of the world is just that—paper. I also love bright colors in games, so of course that was a plus as well. On top of which, each of the different areas had a distinct style, so the world didn’t ever feel same-y at any point, which was another plus in its favor.

Some of the music was really good! I’d even venture to say that most of it was. Again, it’s not something I’d necessarily buy an OST of, but there were some definite bops that I enjoyed while playing, which is another departure from other Mario games (such as Odyssey) that I didn’t enjoy nearly as much.

The Neutrals:

The story was . . . okay. That’s the best way to put it. There wasn’t that much to it and it didn’t make too much sense (in that Olly’s villainous motivations weren’t really convincing), but it’s a Mario game so, again, I’m not exactly looking for narrative excellence here. It created a reason for Mario to go on an adventure with Olivia, and that was enough for me. I enjoyed it in that respect. That said, I will say that I enjoyed it less when the game didn’t give enough time to its emotional beats, which is particularly noticeable when the characters move on pretty quickly after a character death and barely ever speak of it again. Again, it’s a Mario game and so I wasn’t too bothered, but it still stuck out, particularly since the characters were one of the game’s strong points.

The office supplies bosses sure were something. Honestly I’m putting them here because I don’t entirely know how to feel about them. On the one hand, they had interesting and fun characterizations, and the boss fights weren’t that bad insofar as how fights in this game typically are (more on that later), Rubber Band aside. On the other, it’s never explained why these are 3D objects that aren’t made out of paper, or why they’ve decided to serve Olly instead of just, I don’t know, destroying him as well, or where they even came from. And like, it’s a Mario game, it doesn’t need to be that deep, but it’s also kind of hard not to think about. That said, props to the game devs for making the fights against them creative even when the “designs” of the bosses really were not. That did impress me.

The Cons:

BREAKABLE. WEAPONS. I—okay, I get the idea of breakable weapons in Breath of the Wild because there are so many weapons everywhere and making it so that you can fight with literally anything (or almost anything) enhances the experience. Finding a rusted sword on a battlefield from a century ago and fighting with it will help you in a pinch, but it won’t last long. That makes sense. I can also understand (even if I hate and do not agree with) tools breaking in Animal Crossing: New Horizons because they wanted to put emphasis on the DIY crafting mechanic of the game. But there is NO EXCUSE for weapons breaking in Paper Mario. NONE. You can’t craft them. They’re not littering the ground. It’s just arbitrary . . . I don’t even want to say difficulty, because it’s not hard given that you can change weapons mid-battle. It’s arbitrary annoyance. Nintendo is really stuck on this whole “weapons breaking” shtick and I do not like it at all.

To that end, honestly I didn’t enjoy the puzzle aspects of the battle system at all, either. Sometimes it wasn’t so bad, but the thing is, visual pattern recognition / puzzles like that aren’t my strong suit. Put with a timer, and it’s even worse. You can extend the time by paying coins, but the added pressure still got to me and made me even worse at solving the puzzles than I would have been otherwise. Couple this with the fact that it got really repetitive and boring after a while, and I just wasn’t a fan.

I won’t go into spoilers, but the ending felt kind of contrived to me, like a Diabolos Ex Machina. The relationship between Olly and Olivia is one that was made really weird due to a plot twist that didn’t need to be there, and using said twist as a reason for a character death at the end feels like cheap drama for no reason (/an excuse to never see that character again), particularly since it easily could have been worded differently so that the death didn’t happen at all. 

All in all, though, I really did enjoy it and would be interested in future Paper Mario games. If they ever decide to give us a Virtual Console on Switch (unrealistic at this point, I know), I’d like to see the older Paper Mario games put on there so I could play those, too. (Yes, I know I could either bust out old consoles and/or pirate them, but honestly, I’m not dedicated enough for either of those things.) The Nintendo of America twitter did a poll a little while ago asking which Mario people liked best, and I was said that Paper was not one of the options, because at this point, Paper Mario is definitely my favorite Mario.

Patreon Tier Reshuffle in February and General 2020 Developments...

I gave my Patrons first look at this post, since some of the changes will affect their tiers (only to add content though!). Now I’m posting most of it to Tumblr for you to look at and perhaps have a think about...

It’s a long post, and I’m sorry for that...

First of all, I’d like to say a huge thank you to everyone who’s supporting me on Patreon, whether you’re a long-time supporter or you just joined. I know it's a big deal to give your heard-earned cash to someone on the internet and am well aware of the responsibility I have and what an honour it is to be on the receiving end of your generosity and support. So, yes. Thank you more than I can probably ever express.

Secondly, a reminder that all tiers have access to our chilled out Discord server forever. We’ve got a channel for sharing photos of pets, for general chat, for monsters, for sharing artwork of all kinds, a library to share your own stories, an nsfw chat, recipes etc., so hopefully there’s something for everyone, but there’s no pressure to be active if you’d rather not be! There’s also an ongoing DnD game with some of the folks on there too, which is fun!

It might be worth joining the server anyway because I have plans for a new perk which will involve Discord (see below), and I also occasionally run ‘Discord Drabbles’ where I ask for prompts on Discord from folks, which you might have seen posted on Patreon from time to time.  

Now, finally, round to the topic of this post!

I’ve been thinking about how to make sure that every tier gets the most that I can give them for their money, so I’m going to do a little reshuffle. It will start in February, and I’ve made sure that I’m pretty much just adding stuff to each tier, so you won’t miss out in the reshuffle.  

Here are the new things I’m running only on Patreon from February 2020 in addition to everything else (see below):  

Sculpt This!

Patrons can submit artwork or detailed descriptions (a creature/monster, a character, an object) to a designated ‘Sculpt This!’ channel on Discord, and I will pick one to sculpt once a month. I will create a post on Patreon with the artwork and the artist’s name (and a link to their page/site if they have one, and photos of my final sculpture based on their design. That will be available to everyone from the $1 tier upwards.  

For those on the $5 tier upwards, a short video will be available, featuring footage of the sculpting process itself.  

If the person whose art I use is on the $20 tier or upwards, I will post them the sculpture if they’d like it. 

Trope Tuesdays!

A poll will go up prior to Tuesday, with a list of common tropes (notably from the world of fanfic – things like ‘coffee shop’, ‘bed-sharing’, ‘enemies to lovers’, ‘5 times +1’ etc. etc.) and the winning trope from that poll will be the theme for a short story to be posted on a Tuesday.  

I’m aiming for these short stories to be a variety of fluffy and steamy, available to everyone from the $1 tier up.  

Character Letters

$10 and up patrons can request a letter once a month from their favourite characters from any of my stories (providing I wasn’t using someone else's OC for a commission or the like). This can be sent as a PDF by email and/or posted publicly to Patreon only (not Tumblr), with the option to remove the name if you’d rather remain anonymous.  

$20 and up patrons can request a hand-written letter once a month from their favourite character, again with the option to have the text posted to Patreon or not, and with their name, or not.  

Commissions 

I'm still in two minds about opening these up on here because I got absolutely exhausted – mentally and physically – at the end of 2019 and I’m only just recharging again. I had said I would open them up to patrons only in January 2020, and I may yet do that. If I do, I will create 5 slots, and a maximum of 5k words per story initially, and see how that goes. I realise that’s a small number of slots, but it’s still a lot of work for me on top of the rest of the Patreon commitments. I hope you understand, but I know a number of you responded in a poll to say you’d be interested in commissions from me again.

$10 patrons receive 5% off the first 5000 words of writing commissions, and $20 receive 10% off the first 5000 words of commissions.  

Continuing rewards:  

Monthly story – the monthly exclusive story will still be available for $5 and up (some of these stories have been known to go up to 10k words and be in multiple parts – think Kieran the satyr’s story from October 2018!)

Early release – I will continue to offer all Tumblr stories (except paid commissions from non-patrons and giveaways/specials) on early release – minimum of 4 days, sometimes longer.  

Polls – help me decide what to write next

Character bios and artwork

Future things I hope to bring in later this year:

Gaming with Ghosti

I hope to do some streaming via Twitch of me playing things either on the PS4 (like Assassin’s Creed Odyssey or we could do a special Dragon Age: Inquisition playthrough together), or from PC which could include a number of games, from Witcher III (I still haven’t played much) to Mass Effect, chilled out Minecraft sessions, and a huge number of other games which you could choose to inflict on me and watch me flail around in.

Hopefully Mr. Ghosti could join in too and laugh along with you and just generally have a chilled out time. This would probably happen at the weekend, but I’d have to look into the logistics of it if there’s enough interest.  

Discount for Patrons on my Etsy shop

It’s actually live right now, but I haven’t got anything listed yet as I’m unsure of the last few things I need to get in place, but once I’ve got things up on there, I’ll make an announcement and give patrons a special discount code to use in case there’s anything you’d like to buy, from jewellery to polymer clay charms/sculptures.  

More Q&A type things and video content

Some of you seemed to enjoy the video I did answering your questions, so I could always do more of this, if there are things you’d like to ask! It could be about anything, not just writing. If there’s interest, I’ll look into it.

More milestone giveaways and mystery ‘lucky dip’ giveaways

I love sharing things with you, so when I hit 200 patrons, I’ll have to think up something special, and in the meantime, maybe I’ll do some more giveaways for you.

If there’s something that you would like to see that you think I could put up on Patreon for you, then please get in touch! I’m always looking for ideas

All tier rewards will be as follows from February 2020:

Brand new items in bold, and slight changes in italics:

(putting in a ‘keep reading’ because it’s getting silly now...)

Shadows:  

access to the Patreon-only Discord

access to the ‘Trope Tuesdays’ poll and story

access to the ‘Sculpt This!’ posts

access to some character profiles, aesthetics, polls, and story ideas

small discount on my etsy store (when it opens)

and my undying gratitude!

Pixies and Goblins – all of the above, plus:

one Patreon-exclusive monster story per month

access to the ‘Sculpt This!’ process video

access to the extra, long-running story, released once a month (Werewolf story - coming soon!)

early access for all Tumblr monster stories (excluding paid commissions)

the ‘what’s next?’ poll to help me decide what monster or reader to write

Elves – all of the above, plus:

you can request a letter once a month from your favourite character of mine! This can be sent as a PDF by email and/or posted publicly to Patreon only, with the option to remove the name if you’d rather remain anonymous.

entry into the monthly 3k word story commission – if you are chosen (at random) from the Elves tier (and above) you can have a 3k word story of your choosing written for you

access to ‘Writer’s Corner’, featuring occasional blog posts about writing and workshop goings-on

small work-in-progress previews from both my monster stories and my original fantasy fiction ‘Weaver of Threads’

5% off the first 5000 words of writing commissions, and priority placement in the commissions queue

Orcs – all of the above, plus:

you can also request a letter once a month from your favourite character, but yours can also be hand-written and posted to you if you’d like! You also have the option of it being posted to Patreon or not. 

One short story (maximum 1500 words) with a monster and reader of your choice per month (by request only), included within your subscription

A PDF version of any monster story I’ve written and published on Patreon or Tumblr (by request, and sent by email)

10% off the first 5000 words of a writing commission

if your design was selected in the ‘Sculpt This!’ feature, I can post the finished sculpture to you, if you’d like to have it.

Dragons – all of the above, plus:

One 5000 word story of your choosing will be written for you per month (no fanfiction) as a thank you for your patronage (by request only)

Entry into the monthly top tiers free story draw but your story is 4k words instead of 3k

20% off the first 5000 words of a writing commission

A character with a name of your choosing (upon approval!) will be added to a monster story

Priority on jewellery and metalwork commissions and a larger discount on my Etsy store (when that opens)

Kaiju – all of the above, plus:

if you win the random free commission, yours is 5k words instead of 3k!

One 7000 word story of your choosing will be written for you per month (no fanfiction) as a thank you for your patronage (by request only)

One hand written letter of thanks (I have nice handwriting, don’t worry!) sent to you by post, including a little short story

25% off the first 5000 words of a writing commission

30% discount on jewellery and metalwork commissions

Dedication by name in any published work (let me know if you wish to remain anonymous)

Hope you’re excited, and don’t forget that you can always get in touch with me on any of my platforms – Patreon, Tumblr, Discord. If you want to share something but also want to remain anonymous, just send an anon to Tumblr and ask me not to post it. 

__

| Masterlist | Patreon | Ko-fi | Writing Commissions |

2018 post because I still want to and it’s on my to-do list

I'm sure at this point no one but me cares considering we're fully two months into 2019 but whatever, I want to record it for posterity, because there were a lot of things in 2018 that I did for the first time and that's kind of important. (”this will be brief!” I said, you know, like a liar.)

I finally got a tattoo. I've been talking about it for years but never figured out exactly what I wanted or where, and even once I figured out what I wanted ("all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us," which has been important to me in different ways for years) I didn't know exactly how I wanted it to look, because it can be tough to make text tattoos look good and I’m not an artist or a graphic designer. and then Scully was diagnosed with kidney disease and I realized, oh yeah, his paw print, there's an obvious one. my tiny little semi-colon (of which I apparently never took a decent picture) was also pretty obvious once I started looking for something small I could do as a test tattoo, although the way things worked out I got them both at the same time. the whole process was...kind of odd? but instead of just talking about it I finally actually made it happen, and it hurt but not, like, unbearably, and now I have a piece of my furry little boy that goes everywhere with me, which was especially important after he died.  

I did way more political volunteering than I ever have before. I always feel like I'm not doing enough and compared to people who volunteered with campaigns every single day, I guess I'm not, but I still did a lot in 2018 compared to any previous year: lots of donations to multiple Democrat candidates and progressive organizations, textbanking for several candidates across the US, sign-waving and even phonebanking for the Alaska Democrats, poll watching on election night for the Alaska Democrats, at least a few hundred handwritten postcards to voters for a few more candidates, data entry for the campaign against a local bathroom bill last spring (I keep forgetting that happened in 2018 too because, you know, 2018 was about a decade long), going to several local anti-Kavanaugh demonstrations and the like, leaving lots of voicemails for my legislators and bugging other people to do the same (with varying levels of success), and maybe other stuff I'm forgetting. which is all good, because actually doing shit is vastly preferable to just going "wow everything is terrible and we're all gonna die" both in terms of actual impact and my mental health. the unfortunate part is that after doing as much as I did for the 2018 midterms--whether or not I really actually did enough, whatever "enough" might be--I got pretty well burned out, especially because...all the candidates I did the most work for DID NOT WIN so that made it feel kinda pointless (even though we took back the House and I was so relieved about that I could’ve cried). especially locally where Alaskans did the stupid thing and 1) kept Don Young and 2) elected a Trump wannabe with almost no experience as our governor because he made promises that any idiot should've been able to see he wouldn't be able to keep. but...I still worked hard for causes and people I care about, and I devoted a pretty significant amount of time and money, and I got out of my comfort zone with last-weekend phonebanking, and none of that is nothing.

I joined a gym and started going there fairly regularly. as usual I want to qualify this, because "30 minutes on the elliptical once or twice a week" is not exactly an amazing workout, and I haven't been as good at going regularly since I finished TAZ: Balance, but like...it's still a new thing that I went out of my way to do, and it was a positive change toward taking care of myself physically.

related: I...finished a podcast? I'm bad at podcasts (see also: I'm two or three years behind on Welcome to Night Vale, the only other podcast where I've listened to more than one or two episodes), but the Balance arc of The Adventure Zone is amazing and it basically let me trick myself into wanting to work out so I could listen to more. (unfortunately, Amnesty and MBMBAM haven't been as effective this way, I think because MBMBAM is hilarious but there's no narrative and therefore no "oh shit what's gonna happen next" suspense, and Amnesty is great but it's just...less zany, I guess. constant zany goofs are great for distracting me from the fact that I'm doing generally unpleasant physical activity.) now maybe if I could find a site like GoodReads for podcasts, which apparently doesn’t exist yet, maybe I’d do better at remembering and then listening to all the podcasts I’ve heard of that interest me...although I still don’t know what would be useful for workouts to give me that all-important combo of zany goofs (made by people who are not horrible) and suspenseful narrative. 

I got back into conventions and cosplay for the first time in six years, which is kind of dumb because I was never that deep into cosplay in the first place and I'm still not, and the vast majority of cons I've attended have been tiny local ones...but I did do several attempts at varying levels of quality starting back in college, and I put together some complicated-by-my-standards outfits for SDCC 2012, and then I didn't do any cosplay at all until last year when I semi-spontaneously decided to go to ECCC. I only did two for that one (AoU Wanda, and Avengers Academy Loki) but they involved more actual work than any previous cosplays and I was pretty proud of how they turned out. and then I kind of went "oh hey, cons and cosplay are fun, I forgot", so I did a very simple cosplay for one tiny local con and two that were much more complicated (Stuttgart Loki and The Final Pam) for our larger local con, and it was a lot of work and I'm not 100% happy with how I looked as Pam but the handful of people thrilled to recognize me made it worthwhile. also my Loki staff is damned cool and I look great in suits.

I got contacts! for the very first time! LITERALLY JUST FOR COSPLAY! I've worn glasses since I was about two so I don't remember my adjustment period and I've never had much desire to try contacts, and with past cosplays I just kind of shrugged and wore my glasses anyway, but after ECCC I wanted to Do It Right so...I got contacts. it kind of sucked actually! after the week or so where I was supposed to wear them to get used to them, I literally have not worn them except for the local convention! it turns out contacts will never be a great idea for me because astigmatism is wacky! but now I have contacts I can use for future cosplays, and it's another new thing outside my comfort zone where I went "you know, actually, I could do this thing" and then I made it happen, which is...sort of a big deal for me.

I played Silent Hill 3 and 2, in that order, which is not that big of a deal but still feels like something of a milestone for me, because a) actually finishing a game is embarrassingly rare for me and b) I feel like...they're so well known and such a part of gaming canon, so to speak, that finally playing a couple classic games I previously only knew by osmosis is sort of significant actually. also I love them both in different ways, and discovering a new favorite game series is always fun.

I said goodbye to Scully. this was...not a fun one, obviously, and in fact those last few days were completely fucking awful. but, well, it was a big thing that happened, and it was new in my experience. like I said (a lot) at the time, I realize it's a sign of how lucky I've been that Scully was my hardest personal loss so far, but that doesn't change the fact that it was, and...of course it was hard and horrible. he was my furry little boy, he was unquestionably family, he was a huge part of my life every day for 9 years.  I took care of him as well as I could for as long as I could, and then I made the most compassionate decision I could, and for the most part I was able to focus on remembering the joy he brought me instead of just how much it hurt to lose him. (I've also said this before but I think dealing with Loki in Infinity War helped with Scully, because I'd already done some work on my unhealthy tendencies toward hopelessness in the face of, you know, things ending.) and then I found Hazy, and that's been hard in different ways but she's also worth it, and I think I can train her enough that other people will actually get to see how silly and adorable and sweet she is instead of just BARK BARK BARK.

I more or less kept up with my writing goals of posting at least one new thing a month? I guess this is an accomplishment rather than a first, since it's something I've been mostly successful in doing for the last few years, but it's still notable. also it does involve a first, because until I will kiss you till your breath is found I'd never written anything even semi-explicit (well, I very vaguely described a couple sex scenes in my Crimson Peak fic a few years ago but that was...VERY vague) and then I wrote several thousand words of fucked-up dubcon sort-of-p0rn and fairly shortly followed it up with another one. so that's a thing I've done now I guess. (is it actually explicit if you never really, directly reference anyone's genitals but it's still obvious what's happening and also it's fucked-up sex stuff? I don't know but at this point I'm definitely still too squeamish to use certain words in my fics. is that because I'm hella ace or because I grew up hella repressed in purity culture? BOTH PROBABLY)

and then there are my goals for 2019! or rather the rest of 2019 but it's cool because I got started on a couple of these pretty much right away!

cut my hair real short. already done! in fact this was basically the first thing I did in 2019, because I made the appointment Jan. 1 and got my hair cut Jan. 2! kind of like the tattoo, this is something I've been wanting to do, and talking about wanting to do, for ages and I've never actually gone for it; the shortest I've gotten my hair cut was basically chin-length, more than once, because I'd go in like "I kind of really want a pixie cut or something similar but idk if that would work on me without adding a bunch of time and Product to my morning routine so maybe I shouldn't?" and the stylists were always like "yeah you shouldn't, a good pixie for your face shape is not wash-and-wear hair" so I never did it even though I kept wanting to just...cut all my fucking hair off. and then this December I kind of went, wait, I got a TATTOO with less angst than this and that's permanent. I CAN CUT MY HAIR. IT GROWS BACK. so I got all my fucking hair cut off. it's not perfect because a short cut really does take more maintenance, from what I'm told (I got it cut the first week of January, so...probably I should have scheduled a trim by now), and I really would prefer to continue paying almost no attention to my hair while still looking generally okay, and the bits in front fall in my eyes and piss me off if I don't pin them back (I did buy the hair wax stuff the stylist suggested that was supposed to sort of lightly anchor it in place but it just never worked for very long, so...pins), BUT it is very nice not constantly catching my hair in my purse strap and stuff like that, and also I'm more visibly queer with short hair and that's definitely a plus.

train Hazy. this is a work in progress. it took a while to get signed up for an actual class and then I had to go with one for reactive dogs specifically, and so far I've only been to two sessions, just one of which involved Hazy, and then I've been trying to do other stuff at home, and...well, it's a work in progress. but she's a good dog who just needs to learn to chill a little bit, and I should've trained Scully and didn't so I'm trying to do things right this time.

specifically, I would like to get her trained enough that she can accompany me to Pride in June, wearing her adorable Wonder Woman harness and cape. given that she is not great with individual strange humans and strange dogs, taking her into a big crowd of both would definitely result in a screaming meltdown if I did it now and it may or may not be realistic to hope I'll be able to get enough improvement on that in time. but that's the goal. if it doesn't work, there's always next year, I guess.

also, I want to make myself a flying ace costume for Pride. this may or may not be much more complicated than I anticipate.

speaking of costumes, I'm planning to go back to both local conventions this year, and I imagine I'll reuse my Stuttgart Loki outfit at least once but it would be nice to do at least one other new cosplay. Heather/Cheryl from Silent Hill 3 seems like it should be straightforward but Value Village hasn't provided me with any of the pieces yet so who knows.

post more to @alaska-gothic​ because I have a bunch of cool photos I'd like to have a place to show off (and I've taken a lot of new pictures, some in VERY cold weather, for this exact purpose)

finish more games. in practice this might turn into "play more short games while continuing to neglect long games" but I want to make my list of completed games longer and I also want to PLAY MORE GAMES in general because it's a thing I really like, and it's possibly the only thing I do that's purely for my own enjoyment, and I want to make more time for that. also I want to finish SWTOR’s existing singleplayer content because, I mean, it’s an eight-year-old(!!!) MMO so its remaining time is probably limited by default and it’s fucking ridiculous I’ve been a subscriber for at least seven years without even finishing all the class storylines, what the actual fuck Past Me. (I also want to make more time for console games specifically, because those are almost definitely easier on my body and I can do them while cuddling with Hazy on the couch. unfortunately this also generally requires me having the place to myself, which is kind of a rare thing that is also necessary for comfortably working on customs or writing, so...opportunities are limited.)

speaking of games: finish buying the parts to upgrade my computer and then upgrade my fucking computer, and also back up my fucking files

finish a long fic? or honestly if I can even finish more short fics that would be great. really just...make progress on the WIP list. especially if I can finish some IW-specific fics before Endgame comes out. that would be super cool of me.

get another tattoo. I still want that LotR quote but I don't know how I want it to look so who knows when that might happen. HOWEVER, I've been wanting something queer, and I very much loved Foxflight Studios’ "we fight as one" design, and when I asked the designer if she was okay with me getting it as a tattoo she said yes. so at least with that I wouldn't have to figure out a design. I do of course have to figure out a) where I want it (ideally, somewhere normally covered by clothes but where I can see it if I want to, and where a person might conceivably keep a real dagger) and b) how much more it's going to hurt/cost than the paw print considering it would have to be bigger and it has a lot more colors and linework.

do some travel around Alaska. I've lived here for nearly my entire life and I really haven't seen that much of my own state. more importantly there are a few extremely cool places within theoretical driving distance, like Kennicott, Igloo City, and abandoned military installations near Seward, and I want to visit them. @erlkonigstochter and I had vague plans to do this last year and it never materialized (although I did visit Nike Site Summit on my own), so...this year I intend to try harder to make that happen, especially since I have no current plans of traveling out of state.

put more stuff on Etsy (and figure out how to advertise them?). in particular there are a bunch more things I want to repaint in various Pride colors, in part because those are way easier than custom Funko figures. of course, a lot of these things are kinda technically copyright infringement which means somehow I have to figure out how to make more sales of the easier things without drawing the attention of any corporations (and/or shift my focus to things that aren't under copyright of some kind but that's probably more complicated).

but also do more personal projects. I have so many partially finished custom figures, and so many other figures I bought specifically to customize but haven't touched since, and it would be cool to actually...do something with some of those. especially because several of my WIPs/plans are more Lokis, and I need all the Lokis, and there are not many more left that I can buy.

figure out how to motivate myself to work out more and keep up with PT exercises, see above re: needing a  better replacement for the magic of TAZ Balance whoops

get a therapist and work on ADHD issues, because I'm increasingly convinced that ADHD issues are at the root of the vast majority of my other issues (depression, anxiety, etc.), and that I would be immeasurably improving every aspect of my life if I could make some progress on that aspect. the difficulty, of course, is that finding a therapist is kind of complicated and difficult, and also I don't really want to add yet another regular appointment to my schedule when I already don't have enough time after work to do all the things I want and/or need to do, but...this one thing could go a long way toward helping me actually do all those other things, so obviously this is a time investment I really need to make. although probably not until I've made serious progress with Hazy's separation anxiety because that also makes it hard to go places after work. so uh, I guess we'll see. in the meantime it might be smart if I tried to figure out some kind of self-guided therapy thing I could do. I'm sure there's...something.

just, like, be more intentional about...things. in general. this is a bad goal because it's very nonspecific but it is slightly more specific than "generally do better FFS" so at least there's that.

Radio Abel, Season Six

Part 2 of 6

ZOE CRICK: I still think we should stick with Radio Free Abel, though. It's got a real ring to it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But Abel is free. That'd be like Radio Eat Breakfast just after we've had a big fry-up.

ZOE CRICK: Radio Eat Breakfast?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know what I mean.

ZOE CRICK: How about Radio Phil One Day Making Sense? There's not much chance of events overtaking that.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [sighs] The point is, Abel is free, so now it's just Radio Abel.

ZOE CRICK: I just... I know New Canton – I mean, Fort Canton's not on our side anymore. They're not really on anyone's side. But that's still where we're from, and lots of our friends are still there. I think we should go back to being Radio Cabel.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ooh, ooh. Uh, I've had an idea.

ZOE CRICK: Oh God.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, it's a great idea.

ZOE CRICK: Is it, though?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. We'll be right back with it after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. So what we should do is, we should have a Rofflenet poll to decide what to call the station.

ZOE CRICK: That might be the worst idea you've ever had. And you once decided to make a peanut butter and Cheez Whiz sandwich because Unmentionable One swore it was a Canadian delicacy.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Actually, it tasted all right.

ZOE CRICK: You were throwing up for three hours.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Anyway, what's wrong with a poll? Don't you trust our listeners?

ZOE CRICK: I do trust them. I trust them to decide we should rename the station Radio McRadioFace.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, ye of little faith.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, me of actual knowledge of human nature.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, I think it's a good idea. [ZOE CRICK sighs] So, citizens, why don't you contact us on Rofflenet to let us know what you think. We'll be right back after this.

ZOE CRICK: So... you want to have a Rofflenet poll to decide whether we should have a Rofflenet poll to decide what our new name is? [PHIL CHEESEMAN makes an affirmative sound] But why stop there? [laughs] We should get people to vote on Rofflenet about whether having a Rofflenet poll about whether to have a Rofflenet poll to decide our new name is a good idea.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [sighs] Now you're just being silly.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, now I'm being silly.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Come on, Zo. It'll be fun!

ZOE CRICK: Mm.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Go on. Please.

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] Fine. But if we end up being called Radio Station McRadioStationFace, you're the one who's going to be saying it at the start of each broadcast.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Deal.

ZOE CRICK: All right then, listeners. [laughs] We're putting ourselves in your hands. We'll be setting up a poll on Rofflenet so you can let us know what you want all-new Radio Abel to be called. And to get you thinking along the right lines, have a listen to this.

ZOE CRICK: Now there's a song that'll sooth what ails you. And remember, listeners, if you've got any ailments of your own, Maxine and Paula are waiting to take your calls.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, actually, I thought I might pop over and see them myself.

ZOE CRICK: Come down with a mild dose of malaria again, have you?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That could have been malaria.

ZOE CRICK: You had one mosquito bite and a slight cough.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Anyway, it's not malaria. I think I've got blood poisoning.

ZOE CRICK: Really? That's pretty serious.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. I got this splinter in my thumb, and it's gone all infected. Look.

ZOE CRICK: I can't see anything.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: There!

ZOE CRICK: Well, that little tiny thing?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, it's not like I can just pop down to the casualty department if it gets worse, is it? In the Middle Ages, people used to die of ingrown toenails!

ZOE CRICK: I really don't think they did.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, anyway, it hurts.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Where's that sewing kit Jody brought over the other day when my button fell off?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, you don't.

ZOE CRICK: You want that splinter out or not?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I want a professional to do it!

ZOE CRICK: I am a professional! Do you know how many splinters I've removed from various children in my time? Of course, none of them were as much of a baby about it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Fine.

ZOE CRICK: Good. Right. Here's the needle. Now I just need a lighter.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Lighter? What are you going to do, burn it out?

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] We'll be back shortly, listeners. I'm just going to strap Phil down to this chair for the operation.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, I meant to ask. Did you hear about that wall of heroes they put up in Burton's End?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, that's the statelet that used to be a nudist colony, isn't it?

ZOE CRICK: Still is, apparently. Unsurprisingly, their zombie-inflicted mortality rate is really quite high. Also, half of them have come down with hypothermia last winter.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So they've got a wall of heroes?

ZOE CRICK: Yep. Heroes of the resistance. And guess who's on it?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, uh, Janine, Sam, Jody -

ZOE CRICK: Us, you dork! I mean, also Janine, and Sam, and Jody, but I don't care about them.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's nice. But – but we're hardly heroes of the resistance, are we?

ZOE CRICK: Mm, we did do something quite heroic, in a hearts and minds sort of way. Our lives were at actual risk.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Does it count as heroic if you complain about it as much as you did? Near constantly, in fact?

ZOE CRICK: Well, there was a lot to complain about.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It was your idea in the first place. Uh, oddly. Usually, you're not very keen on the idea of imminent danger and bodily discomfort.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] I think you'll find I'm a very giving person. My people called, and I listened.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Really. That's really why you decided to come back.

ZOE CRICK: Of course. Why else? And here's a song that helped motivate me.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh my God.

ZOE CRICK: What?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, my God.

ZOE CRICK: What?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: "I'm a very giving person" my ass! I've found you out, Miss Crick. I know your dirty little secret.

ZOE CRICK: I have literally no idea what you're talking about.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Should have recognized that look in your eye back on the island.

ZOE CRICK: What look?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: The same look Pushkin gets when he's hungry and there's still an hour to go until his dinnertime. It's not food you were hungry for, if you get my drift.

ZOE CRICK: I really, really don't.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Then there was that time you made us walk all the way to the other side of the island to raid the dentist's office for magazines.

ZOE CRICK: I wanted to give Eu – I mean, He Who Should Not Be Named For Security Reasons -  some ideas for his knitting. There are only so many hot water bottle covers any one household needs.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But it wasn't the knitting patterns you were looking at, was it? It was the peole wearing the knitting patterns, if you know what I mean.

ZOE CRICK: Nope. Still got no idea. We'll be back right after this, when Phil will hopefully regain use of his senses!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: "Needing to get your leg over." That's what you said.

ZOE CRICK: I might have mentioned that urge last night, yes. After two glasses of moonshine and a very intense game of D&D. Why are you suddenly bringing that up now?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's what it's all been about. There you were, with The Inhabitants of the Island Who Can't Be Named, and half of them related to you, and half of them... just not that into you, and stroking cats can only get you so far. At least, I don't ever want to know if you got further than so far. So that's why we left.

ZOE CRICK: If you recall, we left because Abel and the country needed us, which frankly, shows what a mess both Abel and the country were in. We took our show on the road for the greater good.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And also because you were desperate for a shag.

ZOE CRICK: How dare you suggest - ! No, you're right. I mean, it wasn't just about getting a bit of how's your father. It was definitely also about helping Abel and the country. But the how's your father may have been the deciding factor when I was weighing up the pros and cons of putting my life in near constant danger for no hope of payment or reward.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Unbelievable. We'll be back, citizens, right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So did you get any?

ZOE CRICK: Any what?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know. [?].

ZOE CRICK: A lady never tells.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes, she does. A lady always tells, usually in a lot more detail than a gentleman wants to hear it, even after he begs her to stop.

ZOE CRICK: Fine! No, I didn't. As it turns out, being on the run in a country run by a hostile sociopath and crawling with zombies isn't the ideal setup for dating. Who'd have thought?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But we're back in Abel now.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, what does that look on your face mean? I know that look.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Nothing...

ZOE CRICK: Oh, nothing, my ass. Well, whatever it is, you can forget about it. I can take care of my own love life, thank you very much. [sighs] I think it might be time for a song.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Aw, but I - !

ZOE CRICK: Oh, nope!

ZOE CRICK: You know what we could do, though?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, something I'm not going to like, would be my bet.

ZOE CRICK: To be fair, you'd win that bet.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: All right. Out with it, then.

ZOE CRICK: The thing is, I don't need any help getting what I want now I'm back in Abel. You, on the other hand -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Are you saying I'm undatable?

ZOE CRICK: No! You're lovely! In an incredibly annoying way, obviously. [laughs] Anyone would have a lovely date with you. But you're totally rubbish at getting people to actually go on dates with you.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, I'm not.

ZOE CRICK: When was the last time you went on a date?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We've been running for our lives.

ZOE CRICK: And we've been back in Abel nearly a week. I've been on four dates since then, using the term "date" very loosely. How many have you been on?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Four? Who on earth did you go on four -

ZOE CRICK: Not the point! The point is, I'm going to find you a date, and our listeners are going to help. More after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So do I get any say in this?

ZOE CRICK: Well, I'm not going to make you go out with people.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Good.

ZOE CRICK: No, actually, I am going to make you go out with them. But only once, and if you don't like them, you can stop. Because I know what you're like. You're so picky! You won't give people a chance.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: There's nothing wrong with having standards.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah! Standards like, "Must have excellent food scavenging and zombie killing skills." It's when your standard is, "Must be able to name every Alan Parsons Project album in order" that you start to run into difficulties.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I like the Alan Parsons Project.

ZOE CRICK: Which may be another reason you have a problem finding dates. But don't worry. Zoe and the Radio Name Pending team are on the case. Just leave it to us, and listen to this. Might help to broaden your tastes.

MAXINE MYERS: Today, we're talking infections. A pus-y wound needs to be treated immediately. If it's small and there's no sign of infection is spreading, or that the wound has abscessed and isn't draining, a topical antibiotic cream applied directly to the wound will help. If you don't have antibiotic cream, even a liquid antibiotic soap can help.

However, if there are radiating red lines from the wound, a deep or non-draining abscess, or a fever, your patient needs systemic antibiotics, which might be tricky to find. Pharmacies and hospitals are your best bet. You might need to visit a library to find out what the appropriate dose by weight is. Or you can try refining your own penicillin, if you know how, but that is dicey in a home situation and requires some specialized equipment.

PAULA COHEN: Ooh, I know how to do that! You - ! But uh, yes, listeners. If you're not medically qualified, don't try to do it without clear instructions. How was that?

MAXINE MYERS: You are a natural, babe.

MAXINE MYERS: Today, Just A Little Concerned writes, "Can just a part of me become a zombie? I think I might have an evil hand." Well, Concerned, there have been no reported cases of partial zombification of which I am aware. There is, however, a neurological condition called alien hand syndrome, in which a part of the brain that controls one hand is not communicating with the conscious mind. So you can breathe a sigh of relief, Concerned. Your hand is probably not evil or undead.

PAULA COHEN: Not evil or undead, just alien. Alienated? [laughs] Because that's not a problem at all.

MAXINE MYERS: [laughs] It's, uh, it's less of a problem. I don't know. Concerned, try making friends with your hand!

PAULA COHEN: [laughs] You can start by shaking hands with it.

MAXINE MYERS: Our old friend Infected in Essex is back again. Infected writes, "Dear Dr. Maxine, could you please tell me how to grow the homebrew penicillin you mentioned?"

PAULA COHEN: Ooh, Maxie, I can still answer this one.

MAXINE MYERS: Yeah, I'm not – I'm not sure this is such a great idea, but yeah, go for it.

PAULA COHEN: Okay, right. Growing penicillin mold and refining the penicillin to a pure enough state to use without contamination is going to be almost impossible without lab equipment. First, you need some moldy cantaloupe, citris peel, or wheat bread. You want the bright bluish green mold.

MAXINE MYERS: Some people, of course, are allergic to penicillin and it will kill them.

PAULA COHEN: Well, that's true! And remember that guy you knew in med school who wound up needing his hand amputated?

MAXINE MYERS: And on that note, listeners, we'll be right back after this song.

MAXINE MYERS: Hello! And welcome back to Ask Dr. Maxine, where my wife, Paula, is explaining how to kill yourself by trying to grow your own antibiotics on the counter at home.

PAULA COHEN: Right. So, we're assuming that the penicillin won't kill you faster than the infection, and that you have found your specimen. Now, incubate that bluish green mold on more citris, melon, or bread in a sterilized container. A canning jar will do if you don't have a Erlen flask. Now, don't put the lid on too tight. The mold needs oxygen to grow. It must be incubated at about 20 degrees Celsius for about a week, at which point, you have a flask – or jar! - crawling with blue fuzz.

And a problem. Because there's no telling what on earth is in there with that good mold other than rotten food, which you don't want to smear on a wound or serve to a sick person, and the purification process is complex and requires esoteric ingredients.

You know, you're better off just breaking into a chemist's shop and rummaging around behind the counter. You're less likely to kill your patient with a horrible infection or by exposure to some other toxic mold product.

MAXINE MYERS: There you have it! Advice from our own resident mad scientist: don't grow your own! It is a terrible idea!

PAULA COHEN: Well, it is the end of the world. I mean, I suppose you could slap a rotten lemon on your lesion and see, if you're dying anyway.

MAXINE MYERS: Now here's some music to enjoy while you're running on down to that chemist's shop with your wrecking bar.

MAXINE MYERS: Welcome to Ask Dr. Maxine. Our next question is from our old friend Infected in Essex, who I'm starting to think might be pulling my leg. And it involves a topic dear to the heart of every first year medical student – maggot debridement. Infected in Essex wants to know, "Dear Dr. Maxine, how do you use maggots to clean gangrenous flesh from a wound?" Well, Infected, if you're desperate enough to try this, absolutely do not use maggots retrieved from zombie flesh, as they are likely to carry the disease.

PAULA COHEN: Ooh, there might be a paper in that.

MAXINE MYERS: The best means of procurement is to raise your own in a clean environment. First, take a piece of rotten meat and put it in a glass receptacle. Cover the mouth with a triple layer of cheese cloth, stretched out. You probably can't find a rubber band that hasn't gotten fragile, but a piece of string will work.

Place it near an open window and wait for carrion flies to lay their eggs on the muslin cover. The eggs will hatch out very quickly, and then you can use a clean camel-hair brush to transfer the maggots to the wound. The larvae will then eat the necrotic flesh, while ideally leaving the healthy behind. You will want to observe this process carefully, checking the wound on an hourly basis because the last thing you want is maggots tunneling into healthy flesh. If they start causing the patient pain, they need to be removed. Good luck. I, uh... I hope this helps.

MAXINE MYERS: Today we have a question submitted without even a psuedonym. Always a good sign. "Dear Dr. Maxine, can zombie-ism be sexually transmitted? Asking out of concern for a friend." Well, anonymous, the short answer is that I don't have any experimental evidence on this topic, but it seems like a risky... no. No. You know what? I can't answer that. Seriously, what is wrong with you? Do you think a zombie can meaningfully consent?

PAULA COHEN: Oh, sure, that's the problem here.

MAXINE MYERS: Let's just, um, play a song. Not a romance song. A serious, non-sexual song! Okay, honey?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We should just ignore them.

ZOE CRICK: If we ignore them, they'll think they've won.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But if we ignore them, they won't even know we got it.

ZOE CRICK: Well, they're probably going to guess now, aren't they?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No. We could be talking about anything.

ZOE CRICK: But we're not. We're talking about some of the frankly less than flattering mails we've been getting on Rofflenet.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, they're definitely going to guess now, aren't they?

ZOE CRICK: Yes! Apparently, not everyone out there loves us. Who knew? We'll fill you in on the gory details right after this.

ZOE CRICK: That one's for you, Disgruntled Listener #1.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Disgruntled Listener? Is that really what they signed themselves?

ZOE CRICK: No. But what they did sign themselves isn't fit for family viewing.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Nor was most of what they said.

ZOE CRICK: I know. That's why I'm only reading out edited highlights. Okay, here we go. "Dear REDACTED - "

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Did they really say "dear"?

ZOE CRICK: No. Right, okay. "REDACTED REDACTED, so you want a name for your REDACTED radio show? How about this: the - "

PHIL CHEESEMAN: REDACTED. That's definitely REDACTED.

ZOE CRICK: "And if you really want to REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED egregious lack of loyalty to the legitimate British government in this time of crisis - "

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Egregious?

ZOE CRICK: That's what they wrote. Never let it be said our critics are badly educated.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Just very, very sweary.

ZOE CRICK: Well, anyway, we'll be posting that name suggestion, unredacted, on Rofflenet, along with all the others you've sent in.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We'll what?

ZOE CRICK: So get voting. We'll be back right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [sighs] Why the hell would you give people the chance to name us that?

ZOE CRICK: May I remind you that you're the one who wanted to hold this naming poll in the first place?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But I was only going to post the sensible suggestions on Rofflenet, not the incredibly insulting ones.

ZOE CRICK: Well, that's hardly a fair poll, is it?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What if they end up picking... oh, I can't even say it. We'll end up named something we can't even say on air.

ZOE CRICK: No, we won't. People won't pick any of those names.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes, they will! You've met people, right? You've interacted with other actual human beings, not just cats? [sighs] Of course they're going to pick the stupidest name or most sweary name possible. It's just human nature.

ZOE CRICK: No. You're wrong. I mean, not about human nature. But this isn't about us, it's about Abel. It's giving people all over the country a chance to let us know what they really think about Abel.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Half the country hates us, Zo.

ZOE CRICK: I don't think they do. I don't think people are that easily fooled, whatever Sigrid believes.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I see. Yeah, okay. Maybe you're right.

ZOE CRICK: Or maybe I'm not, and we're going to end up getting called something alarmingly genital.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [laughs] So prove Zoe right, and get voting.

ZOE CRICK: Because they might have built a wall across our land, but they can't build a wall between our hearts.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: ... did you really just say that?

MAXINE MYERS: Hello, listeners! Welcome to Ask Dr. Maxine. This time, we have a question from Socially Awkward. Socially Awkward writes, "My neighbor thinks I'm a zombie. Are they paranoid? Should I be worried the next time I'm at one of their parties, they'll tell all our friends that I ate their cat?"

Well, Awkward, the good news is that if you're writing to me, you're probably not a zombie, so your neighbor is not being realistic on that front. As for the other half of your question, if they claim that you ate their cat, and that is evidence of your zombie nature, you can point out that zombies generally don't eat animals. Wait. Did you eat their cat?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know, I don't think I've ever asked what your favorite tree is.

ZOE CRICK: Hmm, that's because it's a really stupid question. What sort of person has a favorite tree? Apart from you, obviously.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Come on, you must have thought about it.

ZOE CRICK: But I really haven't.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Not even when you were a kid?

ZOE CRICK: I was even less interested in trees as a kid than I am now, and I currently have zero interest in trees.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. It's just, I used to make lists.

ZOE CRICK: Of course you did.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know, all that year's new car models ranked by how fast they were. Top ten sweets and worst five sweets -

ZOE CRICK: Now you're talking my language.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Anyway, I picked the sycamore. Top of the tree list.

ZOE CRICK: Well, [laughs] that's random. I'd have pegged you for an oak man. Sturdy British values and all that. Plus, I guarantee you used to feed acorns to pigs when you were a boy.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: How'd you know that?

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] I know you, Philip Cheeseman.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well uh, anyway, it was because of the leaves, you know? The way they twirled down to the ground like little helicopters. Coolest thing ever.

ZOE CRICK: We need to have a conversation about your definition of cool.

ZOE CRICK: So what happened to the lists?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What?

ZOE CRICK: You know, all those lists you made. Top ten dorkiest things Phil did when he was a kid, that sort of thing.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh. Uh, my mom kept them.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] That's sort of adorable.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: They're all probably still there, in that little semi in Leeds, with all my school books and my Eagle Eye Action Man.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Let me guess: your parents kept your childhood bedroom exactly the same after you left home, didn't they? Like a little shrine.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. [sighs] Sometimes I think about someone else finding it. You know, now. Taking shelter in the house from the zombie horde and digging up all my rubbish English homework and those maps of imaginary places I used to draw. I just... [sighs] I don't know. I imagine them looking at it and trying to figure out where I am or if I'm still alive. And here I am, wondering who they are, and hoping they're okay.

ZOE CRICK: It's a connection. I get that. I think.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. So, if you are staying in Number 23 Chippenham Avenue, this one's for you.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What happened to your childhood bedroom, then?

ZOE CRICK: Converted into an artist's studio by my mom the day after I left for uni.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Not really.

ZOE CRICK: It wasn't like I was using it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But - !

ZOE CRICK: Waste of space, otherwise.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But what about all your stuff, though?

ZOE CRICK: Put in the attic, then left in the attic when Mom moved. She moved around a lot.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Wow.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] If that's a look of "Poor Zoe and her troubled childhood" on your face, you can remove it right now, Philip Cheeseman.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's not.

ZOE CRICK: It is. Listen, my mom loved me. She was just practical. That's probably why I turned out so well.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. Right, um, don't go away, citizens. We'll be right back after this.

MAXINE MYERS: Hello, and welcome back to Ask Dr. Maxine. Today's question is from Missing My Brita, and reads, "What's the best way to purify my water? Is boiling enough? Can zombie-ism be caused through drinking water?" Well, Brita, the zombie disease-causing agent seems to be extremely durable. There's evidence of another outbreak centuries ago, and we've recovered viable strains. Some prion diseases can survive autoclaving, which is carried out at well over boiling temperature.

So your very best bet is to obtain your water from groundwater sources such as wells, which are less likely to be contaminated than surface sources. However, as far as all the evidence I've heard goes, a hard boil for at least 20 minutes will make water safe. Or you could try rigging a home still and making distilled water, which is actually pretty easy.

PAULA COHEN: For post-apocalyptic values of "pretty easy," you mean.

MAXINE MYERS: Well, easier than it was to find a copy of this next song.

Thanks to @mollygunns for advice on this one!

Reaction To: You Being Shipped With Another Member

S T R A Y   K I D S   R E A C T I O N   T O:  You being shipped with another member of the group

(gifs not mine)

Set Up: You’re publicly good friends with all of the boys, and although you have a great relationship with all of them as well as the fans, you’re in a romantic relationship with (member’s name). The fans don’t know about your relationship, but they begin to speculate you’re dating one of the members. The only problem is- they start shipping you with the wrong member.

Genre: Fluff?? with a light smattering of angst whoops

Chan: When rumors started circulating on social media that you were in a relationship with Hyunjin, the cool and collected leader inside this young man would absolutely evaporate. It isn’t that he wouldn’t trust you, but I think he’d be wounded by the fact that the rest of the world didn’t see him as a worthy match for you. Despite the fact that he’s usually a pretty straight forward person, Chan would stay silent on the matter, laughing awkwardly if it was brought up and doing his best to casually make sure you never stood beside Hyunjin in any public outings or appearances in the future. He’d probably also start openingly flirting with you more, trying to show the fans that he could be a good pair with you as well- more so than his dongsaeng. He’d want the fans to ship the two of you avidly before coming out to the public about your relationship.

“Oppa/Hyung, what’s wrong?”

*sighing softly as he tried not to sound too agitated, debating whether or not to make a big deal about the situation*

“Oppa/Hyung’s fine, Jagi. And I love you a lot, you know that, right? I love you a lot…”

Minho: Jisung would be the one to make a teasing remark towards Minho when he heard gossip floating around the fandom that you were in a relationship with him rather than your actual boyfriend. Minho would have to ask him to repeat what’d he’d said, and would be on his phone scanning through articles and blog posts immediately afterwards to confirm that what Jisung has said was true. It isn’t that Minho would feel threatened or insecure in your relationship, but there’s no doubt in my mind he’d be pissed. He wouldn’t go overboard, but he wouldn’t hesitate to make his feelings towards the gossip known. He wouldn’t feel much of a need to clear the rumors himself, he knew they’d disappear eventually and neither of you had planned on going public with your relationship yet- but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t ask that Jisung publicly deny the dating rumors between the two of you. Just because the fans didn’t know about your relationship, didn’t mean he wanted them assuming you were dating anyone else. 

*playful as you bat your eyelashes because you knew the rumors had bothered him*

“O-ppa/Hyung, what’s so bad about the fans thinking I’m dating Jisung-ah?”

*looking over at you in agitation and speaking lowly, knowing you’re purposefully trying to get a reaction out of you*

“Yah, don’t say things like that, Jagiya. You’re with me…”

Changbin: When Changbin saw a poll on on a fan’s Twitter page asking the fandom who they shipped you with the most, and the vote was overwhelmingly Seungmin, Changbin’s initial reaction was more laughter than anything else. The fact that the fan’s didn’t see the two of you as a perfect match wouldn’t really bother him or shake his confidence in the fact that you cared about him most. The members would find it pretty hilarious, and they’d probably tease him about how Seungmin might be swooping in to steal you- but Changbin would just let it roll of his back. He knew you were close with all the members and had a good friendship with Seungmin, so it was understandable that the fans would pick up on that and assume it meant something more. It’d honestly probably bother Seungmin that he was involved in the rumor more than it would Changbin- but nevertheless he’d reassure his dongsaeng that it was all in good fun and that he wasn’t bothered by it. If you brought it up to him the two of you would more than likely just laugh it off.

*teasingly*

“Yah- didn’t you see, Binnie? According to Twitter I’m leaving you for Seungminnie.”

*laughing, he’d shake his head, shoving you playfully*

“Have fun with that Jagi, I doubt he could handle you.”

Hyunjin: Seeing you shipped so consistently with the maknae of the group rather than him would be unsettling to Hyunjin to say the least. He wouldn’t exactly be pissed, but I think he’d get really irritated whenever it’d get brought up or joked about by the other members, especially if Jeonjin teased him about it. He’d worked so hard to get you to see him as more than a friend and agree to go out in the first place- the fact that everyone assumed you’d fallen for Jeonjin instead got on his nerves. I think he’d put in even more effort than usual to stand out to you and look his very best. If he saw you laughing or having a casual conversation with Jeonjin he wouldn’t hesitate to join the conversation until he could manage to pull you away. He’s not a confrontational person, and deep down he’d know they were just silly rumors that he should have expected when the two of you decided to keep your relationship private, but that wouldn’t stop him from getting in a foul mood if he saw something about the rumors online, or if one of the members teased him about it.

*lovingly, as you watch him get ready backstage before a big performance*

“Hyunjin don’t be mad, you shouldn’t go on stage mad, baby.”

*focusing on his cuffs as he replies sternly without looking at you*

“Focus on me when we perform, Y/N. When I see you in the crowd watching only me, I’ll stop being mad.”

Jisung: Out of all the members, I think Jisung would be the most pissed by the fact that the fans saw you as more compatible with Felix than him. It especially wouldn’t sit well with him that out of all the members, the fans had picked Felix- as he’s particularly close to his dongseang of one day, and didn’t like the idea of you spending time with him now. Similar to Chan, It’s doubtful he’d bring it up since he wouldn’t like the idea of confrontation, or making either of you more uncomfortable than you already were- but nevertheless he’d get tensely silent and upset when the matter was joked about or mentioned at the dorm. Despite the fact that it agitated him, he wouldn’t be able to help himself when it came to scrolling through Twitter late at night, looking at edits and fan tweets supporting your rumored relationship with one of his closest friends. 

“Babe, is everything ok? You’ve been acting off lately.”

“I’m fine, Y/N…I don’t wanna talk about anything. Just…come here.”

*outstretching his arms and pulling you towards him protectively*

Felix: His confident, bubbly and outgoing nature wouldn’t translate when you casually mentioned to him that you’d seen a few posts online about you supposedly being in a relationship with Woojin. He wouldn’t be angry so much as upset and butt-hurt by the fact that they saw you as more suited to date the oldest hyung, rather than a member of the maknae line. Felix would begin to feel more self conscious as the rumor continued to circulate, wondering if he maybe needed to act more mature or nurturing towards others- and worrying that maybe the fans didn’t see him as being good boyfriend potential. He wouldn’t bring it up unprecedented, but if you mentioned it to him or asked him how he felt about the situation, he’d be honest and tell you that he felt a bit insecure about the whole thing. You’d do your best to ease his mind that you only loved him, and that it didn’t matter who other people thought you should be with, but nevertheless he’d try to demonstrate a more mature side of himself on livestreams and in interviews in hopes of showing the fans that he could be a good boyfriend to you as well.

“You know you’re the one I love, Felix. I don’t want any other guy.”

*nodding quietly without really hearing what you’re saying*

“mhmm.”

Seungmin: When an article splashed across kpop websites everywhere claiming that you and the leader of Stray Kids were allegedly in a secret relationship, Seungmin was the first to see them. While it was initially startling (and a little embarrassing needless to say) to the younger boy, he couldn’t help but sheepishly laugh about it when he showed the other members and you later that day. He wouldn’t necessarily be mad about it, but I think he’d feel a little insecure (similar to Felix). Unlike Felix, however, I think he’d address it pretty openly with everyone right away while showing you all the articles. The members would reassure him that you two were genuinely a great fit together, and Chan would more than likely pull him aside later to assure him privately that there’s no need to feel insecure about his relationship with you. After clearing the air with everyone he honestly wouldn’t let it bother him, and would be quick to let it go, unlike some of the other members.

*teasingly whiny*

“Nae sa-ranggg, you know I love you more than anyone, right?”

*slightly taken aback, blushing as he chuckles awkwardly, nodding*

“Aiishh, I know, Y/N. I love you too. More than anyone…”

Jeongin: Jeongin would honestly probably find the entire thing hilarious. When all nine of the members and you were at the airport flying out to Hong Kong for MAMA’s, a few fan posters shipping you with Minho would catch Jeongin’s eye immediately, and he’d 100% make a big deal out of it in jest. It wouldn’t genuinely bother him, partially because he’d know you only had eyes for him, and partially because out of all the other members in the group you were probably the least close to Minho. He’d take your hand as you walked through the airport together, making fans shriek and cheer as they began to point and chant, making Jeongin giggle and blush as he gestured towards the posters. He’d probably smile and wave incessantly at the fans who had the posters shipping you with his hyung until they noticed the two of you together and lowered their signs. Slightly flustered and embarrassed, you’d bury your face in his chest as you walked hand in hand, the other members taking notice of your public display together and laughing to themselves.

*Giggling awkwardly as you push a stray strand of hair behind your ear*

“Bunnyyyy, you’re making me blush!”

*laughing happily as he admired how cute you were being about the whole thing*

“Jagi, they thought you were dating Minho hyung! I couldn’t help it!”

#108 Fighting Atop A Moving Vehicle

 As a superhero you’ll get to do a lot of cool things. You’ll explore new (probably enchanted, possibly living) locales, travel to far off galaxies, definitely meet at least one wise, platitude-spewing animal with a biologically impossible beard. But one of the most common, coolest (looking) things that superheroes do is fight bad guys (usually around eight or nine) on the tops of moving vehicles.

Now, there are several reasons why you might find yourself in such a situation. Perhaps some crime-loving scoundrel has jumped onto a nearby train in order to escape the law. Maybe the bad guy’s doctor told them they needed more fresh air so they’re doing all of their fights outside now. Possibly some foul-footed felon has decided that the road to world domination can only be reached by stealing the roofs off of unsuspecting vehicles. Regardless you’ll definitely find yourself precariously perched on top of a vehicle moving several miles per hour and we’re going to help you maximize that experience. Really carpe that diem if you know what I’m saying.

As we said before, fighting someone, or multiple someones, on top of a vehicle looks super cool. It’s just like car-surfing, except you’re not alone and also the other person keeps punching you. So you’re going to want to make sure you’ve got someone stationed nearby to snap a couple of pics. If only to finally get a good horizontal picture to put as the banner of your blog which I’m sure you have to update your fans on the ever increasingly inane crimes you’re solving and fighting. Make sure you’ve got one of your support-squadders or a trusted reporter or just a professional photographer planted in a nearby car. Then make sure to do as many cool poses as you can whilst still effectively fighting the lizard mobsters or circus strongmen or whomever. If you’ve got the time take a few silly ones too. You might as well. Stick out your tongue (just make sure the bad guy doesn’t grab it or throw dung pellets at it or something), put your opponent in a headlock and give them a noogie (this is the second time I’ve used the word noogie this week, is this a new catchphrase???). Pictures like these will go a long way towards showing the public that you’re one of those fun-loving superheroes and that you did not intentionally endanger a hapless commuter by wrestling with a semi-tangible ghoul on the roof of their car.

As most cool looking things are, fighting on top of a vehicle is quite dangerous. Like super-duper dangerous. Have you ever tried flinging yourself off of a stationary vehicle? Go on and try it now, I’ll wait. (Ok so while they’re gone doing that we need to talk about employee benefits.) Oh my gosh can we not do this right now I’m in the middle of doing something. (I know but everyone is gone flinging themselves off of blimps like you told them to so I just thought…) Wait what, why would they be throwing themselves off of blimps. (You told them to! You have a very persuasive way of speaking!) Ok but, thanks, but I didn’t say blimps I just said “vehicles” why would you assume they’re all going to climb on top of blimps. (I don’t know I’ve always thought our readers had a kind of “go big or go home” sort of attitude.) And that translates to them going for blimp rides and then, while the blimp is in the air, climbing on top of the blimp and then throwing themselves off of it??? (Hey I didn’t say the blimp was in the air, that was you!) Aren’t blimps always in the air? (No why would they always be in the air?) I dunno have you ever seen one not in the air. (I don’t think I’ve ever even seen one in the air {Howtohero over here asking the real questions} that doesn’t even make any sense! See that’s what I’m talking about, why do I have to share a space with that guy? {Howtohero parenthesis asking the real questions!} Enough!) Look I really don’t have time to get into this right now, look they’re coming back everyone be cool!

Now that you’ve gone outside and thrown yourself off of stationary station wagons [Howtohero bears no responsibility for any injuries sustained by readers who have flung themselves off of vehicles at our advice] Ooh good catch. [Whatever, I’m billing you for these hours.] Not you too! Ahem, see, it wasn’t very fun was it. Now imagine if that car was hurtling through the streets at 100 miles per hour or imagine if that car was a train hurtling through the countryside or a plane (or a blimp!) soaring through the skies! It would be so painful! You’d probably break a lot of bones. So to avoid all that you need to take a few precautions before climbing up onto a dune buggy and grappling with a sand devil. Put on a helmet, anything that’s protective, will fit over your cowl and doesn’t contain too many unnecessary protrusions that a bad guy can grab onto. You should also try taping a few pillows to your torso. This way you’ll be maximally protected and also, if you get tired, you can take a nap just whenever! Also if your support squad has access to a helicopter, see if you can have them airdrop a mattress onto the car directly behind the one you’re fighting on top of in case you get hurled onto it.

You also want to make sure you’re always facing the direction that the vehicle is moving in. This way you won’t be caught off guard and incapacitated by a low hanging highway sign, stoplight or a tunnel. If you can’t fly or otherwise manipulate your personal gravity, you’re going to need some sort of way of making sure you’re not thrown from the vehicle without the supervillain even having to do anything. Invest in some magna-boots (“magna” is short for magnet and also is just a cool sounding word) and make sure you place them on a low setting before you join a rooftop rumpus. If the magnetic pull of your boots is too low, you’ll be flung from the car as if you were wearing slippers or something but if it’s too high you won’t be able to move your feet at all which is sort of a huge disadvantage in a fight.

Additionally, if you can’t fly, you’re going to want to avoid fights on top of aerial vehicles. The drop is just way too high up (as I’m sure you all know after that blimp jump). You’ll definitely die. Plus, the odds are low that you’re even going to be able to get any cool pictures out of it. If you insist on fighting someone on top of an airplane though (maybe your arch-nemesis dared you to, I don’t know) at least make sure that you bring more oxygen than your enemy does. You might able to just keep moving around long enough for them to get tired or pass out from lack of oxygen then you can drag them back inside the plane and turn them over to the air marshal or a kind looking stranger who you’re sure will hand them over to the proper authorities once the plane lands. (In this scenario you don’t actually have a ticket for this flight and in fact never intended to be on the plane at all. Your nemesis was on the plane flying home to visit her parents and decided it would be fun to film a video challenging you to an airplane rooftop duel and then paid for inflight wifi so she could send it to you so then you had to get up to that plane through sheer force of spite to knock some sense into her).

So while fighting on top of vehicles might be fun and look super cool, you also need to stay safe. After all, how many superheroes do you see out there fighting crime with a neck brace and eight-twelve broken ribs? Look outside your window right now and tell me how many of those you see. (Ok so while they’re doing that we really need to discuss the matter of my sala-) Shh not now, not in front of the children! (Do children even read this blog? The polling we did was inconclusive.) This is not the time! Oh, you’re back. How many did you see? That’s right, none! Because you can’t be a superhero with so many broken bones and neck injuries! So put on a helmet, hire a photographer and be safe out there!

2020: Who Saw THIS Coming?

Remember when I retired from blogging?

I actually did retire, except, I consider this little corner of the Internet -- MY corner -- to be a place where I document the big stuff. I told you about my engagement and then came back several months later to recap my wedding. Remember that? The wedding that THANKFULLY occurred in late 2019 before the world turned to shit??

Yeah. You know what happened. “The pandemic.” “The virus.” “Covid.” Covid-19″ (I personally prefer the first five Covids; I feel like they really fell off after that). “CORONAVIRUS.” 

THE DUMPSTER FIRE THAT IS...2020.

Suuuuuuuuure, good ol’ Rona robbed Leo and me of our Italian honeymoon, but aside from that? We were able to squeeze in all kinds of fun things in good ol 2019 -- oh how I miss you, 2019 -- and have an unforgettable year. This year is proving to be unforgettable too -- just, ya know -- in like, a traumatizing sorta way.

Anyway, as I was saying, I have to document the big stuff on here. I imagine myself reading and looking back on this blog like an old, embarrassing diary (hell, I do it already) (the dating posts make me want to die) and who can omit THIS chapter? It’s got it all: a deadly virus, racially fueled riots and protesting, social injustice, a deranged madman in the oval office, and... MURDER HORNETS?

exactly. 

So rather than write out a whole long thing about my experience in 2020, I thought I’d break it down by month, starting in March. I’m going to be documenting the good, the BAD (there’s a decent amount of that), and anything new that transpired in that time frame. Did I take up any hobbies? Start baking sourdough? I guess you’ll find out. 

Let’s start with: 

MARCH. 

The good. There was immediately a novelty to this whole Covid-19 thing. In the first half of the month I was commuting, going to work in my NYC office, and doing my usual amount of social things on weekends. When it was decided in mid-March that we’d have to work and stay home for a “bit” (lol), there was something exciting about it. We made jokes about social distancing and masks and had cutesy puns for “quarantining.” We hit the ground RUNNING with Zoom calls/video chats. There was something fun and exhilarating about all this.

The bad. People I KNOW got this virus. People I know LOST people to this virus. My Grandma’s health took a turn and things did not look good, but I couldn’t go see her. Shit, I didn’t see ANYONE except Leo, and even he was going to work in his office every day. I had to get used to this abrupt abundance of...alone time. 

What’s new? I’ve always taken to social media as a creative outlet, but I QUICKLY started using it more -- and differently -- once things in the world got hairy. I treated my Instagram like my one gateway to the outside world, because it was: I surveyed my followers and asked how they were doing. I took silly videos talking to myself in the mirror. I wrote long captions on my photos letting everyone know what my experience was like. I tried to entertain those who were stuck at home, as I was, and needing an escape. 

Oh, and ya know... Tiger King.

APRIL.

The good. The weather was getting nicer, so Leo and I took advantage and often went for walks around our complex and even a local trail/preserve in our town. We started doing “lawn visits” to see our families from a distance, and that helped. For two people who were used to seeing their ‘people’ regularly, 3-4 weeks of not seeing them took a toll. I also started doing “Grateful April” on Instagram, where I shared a few things each day that made me happy/appreciative. Some followers of mine followed suit, which was awesome to see. 

The bad. Hmm, I think all this sitting and lack of moving is hurting my back? (#foreshadowing). Also, ENOUGH with the Zoom calls and “virtual happy hours,” for the LOVE OF GOD! Oh, and that “novelty” I mentioned in March? That wore off quickly, and a lot of us started to feel weird, sad, isolated, uneasy, unproductive and stir-crazy. Myself included.

We were also reminded that this was the month we were supposed to depart for our honeymoon. Ugh.

What’s New? I did some arts & crafts (I painted ceramic bowls I bought from Target), gave myself a mediocre pedicure, found new/creative ways to engage and interact with folks on social media (polls, asking questions like “what’s in your Amazon cart?” and “who sponsors your quarantine?”), and got to see what it was like to have a husband with hair. I also discovered my love of tie-dye and wore...a lot of it. 

Oh, and I was on CBS news talking about screen time. Iconic. 

MAY.

The good. The weather got summer-like and I definitely felt a MAJOR shift in my mood. Leo and I spent more time outside on our deck: listening to music, making margaritas, talking to neighbors. I even took work calls outside and got some much-needed Vitamin D. I had my first real “beach days” (bathing suit, chair and all). I started to FINALLY see my family in person; first, outside only -- and then eventually indoors.  

The bad. Ahmaud Arbery. George Floyd, obviously. Dumb-dumbs protesting the lock-down and demanding haircuts. CLEARLY more to come on this. (See: June)

Oh, and my back pain? WAY worse.

What’s new? Some more arts and crafts: I started painting shells I found on the beach (lol).  I bought a pair of Crocs and documented the most absurd series on social media where I paired the heinous footwear with items that rhymed (Crocs & socks, Crocs & shamrocks, Crocs & botox...you get the idea.) I experimented with a few new recipes (made lemon poppy muffins & homemade vodka sauce). I re-watched Mad Men and it made me miss my office and coworkers. 

JUNE. A rough one. 

The good. We started doing more social things with our families: BBQs, celebrating Father’s Day, our nephew’s baptism. Doing this truly felt like “normalcy” and in those moments, we’d forget about all the garbage going on around us. I also decided (yes, after 3 friggin months of lock-down) that I needed to start exercising; something I needed for my physical AND mental health. I thought it could help my back -- which, yes, was feeling worse as time went on -- and it did make me feel good to spend a little time each day walking, jogging, lifting weights and just MOVING. 

The bad. Um? Everything? For starters, the racial tension in the country came to a head and erupted in a MAJOR way -- and while the protests and all the #BlackLivesMatter movements were a positive thing, it absolutely brought out the WORST in so many others. There was rioting, looting and violence. Racism ran RAMPANT. Karens went wild. “Covidiots” were ENRAGED about being told to wear masks. There was police brutality and a President who threw fuel into the fire. Tensions and emotions were at an all-time high and we all got a harsh dose of reality that this country has SO FAR TO GO in regards to equality and civil rights and even basic human decency. I was -- and still am -- sad for this country.

Also? I finally went for an MRI on my back and found out I have two herniated discs; well THAT certainly helps explain things! Shortly after, I pull my back out entirely, and could not walk or move. The pain is excruciating; debilitating and I think, “can things get any worse?” and then...

My Grandma passes away. 

It hurts. It still does. It was inevitable -- as death is, especially given her age and health condition at the time -- but it still felt like taking a bullet. I will always be grateful that I was able to get to see her one day before she passed away to say goodbye, but it’s hard not to be resentful that she didn’t get the memorial service and send-off she so deserved because of the pandemic.

(Side note: read about my amazing Grandma HERE)

In short, June sucked.

What’s new? We got a new stationary bike and set it up outside on the deck which was awesome, and I ended the month getting some epidural shots at the spine doctor. While the (strong) meds and injections didn’t exactly *cure* my issue, they made things a LOT better. Leo and I also drove into NYC (my first time there in MONTHS!) so I could go get my migraine Botox treatment at my neurologist. 

I voted by mail (which is not fraudulent, by the way) (#eyeroll) in the NY Primary. 

I also got not one, but TWO, amazing rainbows the week my grandmother passed away. I needed those, and I’d like to think she knew that.

JULY.

The good. More beach days and some consistent amazing weather (thanks, Mother Nature!). I started seeing a chiropractor twice a week and quickly respond REALLY WELL to treatment and start feeling a lot better. I put things into perspective and realize how lucky I am to live where I do -- on the beach -- and get to enjoy all this newfound free time doing things I enjoy. We also celebrate some family birthdays and have a small family gathering in honor of our beloved Dorothy. 

Have you noticed that “seeing family” always ends up in my “good” section?

The bad. Naya Rivera died unexpectedly, John Lewis died, REGIS died. Our President remains as unhinged as ever, we desperately want to #FreeBritney, and Kanye West has a really sad, scary and concerning, uh, episode. He’s also running for President, maybe? Or not? On a personal note, Leo and I tried to eat dinner on the beach one night and LIT-rally got attacked by seagulls. Weeks later, bull sharks are spotted in the ocean RIGHT WHERE WE LIVE, and they prohibit swimming. 

What’s new? Hamilton on Disney+: need I say more? The fig tree that’s been on our deck for three summers FINALLY started to grow figs! I re-watched Broad City and it is just... *chef’s kiss* perfection. Taylor Swift releases her album ‘folklore’ and I listen on repeat for seven days straight.

AUGUST.

Well, who knows? We’re not there yet. 2020 has certainly been a ride (and it’s not over yet; dear GOD), and I still can’t believe it ended up being this insane year, unlike anything I’ve EVER experienced. And while it undoubtedly has come with its fair share of challenges, it has also come with some blessings.

I have all this extra time now and I make a point to use it productively (most days). I log off from working and go outside, I walk the beach, go in our complex pool, ride the stationary bike, catch up with friends/family on the phone, read, and watch/re-watch shows.

The commute and hustle and bustle of every day in my pre-pandemic life would make me stressed and anxious; I was constantly snoozing alarm clocks, rushing in the mornings, dealing with overcrowded/delayed trains, and getting home late each night. 

Life has become slower, in a good way, and it’s made me appreciate the simple things. I care less about material things and more about the basics: enjoying nice weather/the outdoors, my home, my husband, my family and close friends.

I genuinely stopped caring about getting my hair and nails done, going out to dinner, getting dolled up, or traveling. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoy all these things and I’ll of course do them again, but this whole situation made me realize that what I need *most* in this world are the simple joys that money can’t buy.

And for that? I’m grateful. 

*stay safe, friends.*

{Alice in Wonderland!AU x Monsta X}

i decided to write something fun for them,,,,,so take this wonderland au (it also got the most votes in my poll!!)~~~~ps: it probably makes no sense 

Shownu : Caterpillar 

lays shirtless in a huge canopy made of woven flowers and is usually not the type to answer if someone comes looking for him

like minhyuk will stop by and hang off a branch and try to pester shownu who just waves him off with one hand 

on his back are large tattooed wings in beautiful bright colors but he rarely lets people close enough to see them

talks sort of slowly so it’s hard to keep a long conversation with him without feeling sleepy or hypnotized

you’re trying to find a specific kind of potion that’ll help you grow taller and hatter kihyun told you the person to ask is shownu and so when you find him ,,,,,,,,,,, you call out

but there’s no response

so you decide to climb your way up into the canopy and to shownu’s surprise you manage your way in and slowly he begins to ask you who are you

but you just dig around in your pocket and go “hatter said you’d have this potion?” and you hold up the paper in front of shownu’s face

but he simply tilts his head and asks again, who you are

and you start telling him but something begins to shake the canopy and for a moment you think you see the tail of cheshire minhyuk

but then you’re like no,,,,it must be the wind??? what’s happening???

and the canopy swings back and forth and you look to shownu,,,,,,,only to see he’s as confused as you

until you lose your balance and all forward,,,,right into shownu’s chest

and you’re like soRRy,,,,,but you can’t help it your face is against his bare skin and

shownu,,,,,,,whose reflex was quick enough to catch you,,,,,,,is taking very very vERY slowly to let you go and you’re like blushing because uM AnYWAY thE PotION

and shownu takes a moment but tells you that you’ll need to get the potion from the red queens garden and you’re like ???? whose and shownu mumbles something 

and lays back down,,, turning onto his side and you see the wings on his back and you’re like,,,,,,,,well you need to leave but you’re also like,,,,staring at him because,,,,,,wow,,,,but also,,,,,seriously does he just sleep all day 

Jooheon : White Rabbit 

jooheon in big round glasses, a white button down, and suspenders,,,,,,,,,a pocket watch he keeps fretting over around his neck???

bunny ears that twitch whenever someone mentions the time and he realizes he’s late

keeps trying to escape the clutches of minhyuk who likes to tease him and purposely take up his time with silly riddles 

always runs past you when you want to ask him something 

and at some point you get annoyed because you reALLY need to know why he was in your backyard checking his watch because if he hadn’t been you wouldn’t have fallen down this damn hole

and so you finally catch him when you spot him sitting under a tree in the queens garden and you’re like jOOHEON

and he jumps up,,,,completely red in the face,,,on suspender falling off his shoulder and he’s like 

I-I-I- HAVE to bE GOING !!! iM LATE to SEE HyunGWON-

and you’re like no no no and you end up having to chase him through the queens garden,,,which is more like a maze than anything,,,,and when you finally both end up at a dead end

you panting with your hands on your knees and jooheon nervously fidgeting his ears you go whY do you keep running from me???

and he’s like “i can’t be seen with you!! if changk- i mean the red queen sees he’ll have my head!”

and you’re like why???? and jooheon just keeps looking around like he’s scared a guard will come through the bushes

so you stretch your hands out to put on his cheeks and you’re like “hey,,,look at me! calm down ok?”

and he locks eyes with you,,,,and you smile softly and that somehow seems to get him settled but also you can feel his cheeks getting hotter under your touch and you’re like ??? are you ok

and he’s like fIne,,,,and you’re like “ok i have a question then what were you doing in my backyard?”

and jooheon twitches his nose ,,,you know the way rabbits do,,, and he’s like “im not sure,,,,but yo-you made me late!!!”

and you’re shocked because huh??? you made him late???

and jooheon pulls up the loose suspender and is like “i,,,,,got caught up staring at you,,,,,,anD i couldn’t make it to tea,,,”

and you’re like wait staring at me? and he’s like you,,,,you’re quite- i hadn’t ever seen someone so - -- p--r--pret-

but he doesn’t finish the sentence because his watch goes off and he makes a sound of surprise and dashes off out of the maze again and you’re like DAMMIT

but what?????? was he going to say??????

Kihyun : Mad Hatter

keeps throwing parties every three or so hours because he forgets about the party from before

wears the bright, big top hot with a mismatched colored suit and if you look directly into his eyes you can see that one is brown and the other is ,,,, green 

breaks out into song whenever he can (to the unfortunate luck of hyungwon) and can drink tea upside down 

is overall confusing,,,,loud,,,,and a little sensitive when you ask him what day it is,,,,but other than that he’s really fun and flirty

which you know because whenever you pass by his place he’s always rushing out the door to get you to join him and the others,,,,,,that being literally hyungwon asleep at the table and wonho watching kihyun gleefully 

and you’re always like “kihyun,,,,you still didn’t clean the dishes from the last party????” and he’s like what last party????

but even so as you’re watching him pour tea into three different cups and sing about the weather

you can’t help but,,,,be happy around him,,,,,even if he’s a little weird

but what you don’t expect is for him to pull you up out of your chair and onto the table

and you’ve never??? stood up on a table before??? and you’re clinging to kihyun’s lapels because oh no if you take another step you might step on one of the plates and you want to return to your seat

but kihyun seizes the chance and spins you around and cups and plates and sugar cubes go flying everywhere

but kihyun swoops you up before you can kick the teapot over

and it’s almost like,,,,there’s magic,,,,,in the way kihyun dances with you on this table

and you look up ,,,,,to see him grinning ,,,,, two different colored eyes sparkling 

and you’re like “kihyun- hatter- i can’t danc-”

and he just says noNSENSE and keeps spinning you around

and hyungwon and wonho watch from their seats,,,,wonho clapping and hyungwon yawning

as kihyun waltz you up and down the table,,,,dipping you at one point so you’re almost at risk of being dropped off the table,,,but then he pulls you back up

and again you’re looking into that smiling,,,,,,,,ever so mischievous smirk and you want to say something but you’d rather just let kihyun lead you in this whimsical dance 

because what’s a party without any dancing right~

Minhyuk : Cheshire Cat

purple striped ears and tail that match the purple collar around his neck

he’s super acrobatic and likes laying on branches and hanging off random things 

keeps showing up above your head and disappearing in the blink of an eye???? the last thing you see are his sharp, white teeth

but if you scratch behind his ears he basically melts which is pretty cute

makes lots of jokes that kind of don’t make sense but you laugh anyway because he looks kinda cute making a fool out of himself,,,,,,,,,,and you don’t really know but he does it for the sake of your entertainment hehe

and a lot of the time  you find yourself only seeing him when you’re alone 

like you’ll walk through the dark forest and you’ll suddenly hear a familiar laugh

and minhyuk will lean his chin on your shoulder out of nowhere

or wrap his tail around your wrist

and it always surprises you,,,,,but he’s alway nice to see because when he’s there,,,,,you don’t feel so lonely in this new place

and one evening,,,,as you’re dining with the queen you almost spit out your drink because you see minhyuk show up behind him, picking up the crown off his head and twirling it around

and you’re trying not to laugh but ,,,,,even when minhyuk hops up onto the table in front of the queen??? like he still can’t see him????

and you excuse yourself for a moment,,,,,,,minhyuk disappearing from the table and reappearing beside you when you get back into the hall and you’re like 

“????why can’t the queen see you???” and minhyuk shrugs and says something about his ‘oddness’ not matching up to the queen’s ‘madness’ and you roll your eyes because whY does everyone speak in riddles here

but you also lean up a bit to fix the collar around minhyuk’s neck because it seems like it’s lopsided 

and minhyuk,,,,for the first time,,,,,,his teasing smile wavers and he puts his hand over yours and is like,,,,what are you doing

and you’re like because of your shenanigans back there your collar got turned!!! im fixing it

and minhyuk,,,,,,,,he,,,,,,,keeps his hand over yours

and you don’t really notice it but it’s actually been a long time since minhyuk has been able to touch someone physically

most of the time he plays pranks and disappears but you’re here ,,,, in front of him,,,,,,,,,,,,warm,,,,,,

and before he can control himself he nuzzles his nose against the side of your hair and you freeze up

and ,,,,,,, it’s gentle,,,,you’re not scared but?? 

the door opens suddenly and the queen comes barrelling in asking whAT is taking you so long and you’re like “i was with the cat- oh he’s gone?”

Hyungwon : Dormouse 

his suit always has tea stains on it and his hat is practically falling off his head 

hatter kihyun always puts hyungwon’s hands in teacups so when he wakes up he always scratches at his nose and he ends up with a wet hand in his face

which kihyun thinks is HILARIOUS and hyungwon just murmurs about how he really should find somewhere else to take his naps

his mouse ears are hidden in his messy hair but if he puts his head down on the table you can see them peeking out

you end up trying to clean up after another unbirthday party for the hatter and march hare,,,,,those two had escaped back into the forest saying something about a trial at the queens court

so you and hyungwon are left alone and as you’re stacking dinner plates and saucers 

you notice his hand is,,,,literally in a cup of cold tea

and you mutter that kihyun is at it again so you go over and take his hand out and you use the edge of the tablecloth to dry off his long fingers

when suddenly you hear a sleepy voice ask you what is going on

and you tell hyungwon that you’re just trying to make sure kihyun’s prank doesn’t work again

and he seems to nod, but puts up his other hand to rub his eye and you grab it like WAIT i didn’t dry that one yet

and you sit there,,,,,looking up to see hyungwon slouching over you and you’re like “wait,,,,how tall are you?”

and he gets up on shakey legs and you’re like WOAH and hyungwon is like “not,,,,that tall i fit into a teapot if i tr-”

and you’re like in what teapot do those legs even manage to get into it???

and you notice when he shakes his head a bit his ears and the tail that sways behind him and you’re like “are you a-,,,,,,,,,,,,,mouse?”

and he shrugs and says that he doesn’t care what he is, but he knows he’s sleepy and you’re like ok but don’t sleep at the table hatter kihyun will comeback to prank you again

and hyungwon suddenly offers you his hand and is like

“i know a good nap,,,,,,spot,,,,,the flowers near shownu’s canopy are ,,,,,,, extra soft,,,,,,,want to go nap there - together?” 

Wonho : March Hare 

absolutely adores everything hatter kihyun does 

unlike jooheon’s ears which are always at attention and alert,,,wonho’s lay against the side of his head and are kinda floppy when he gets up to dance

wears a different color bow tie every day and he claims it’s because you need a different bowtie for every unbirthday party

you’ve seen him speaking with the flowers and trees before and you thought he was just mad,,,,,until the flowers spoke to you too

he once told you his favorite tea is super rare because it comes from the red petals from the queen's garden which commoners can’t have

you meet him when he’s actually not at the table with hatter kihyun and dormouse hyungwon

and he’s explaining to you that someone told him he could find the queen’s red roses on the path toward the white rabbit’s house

and so you’re walking together and you notice how much more reserved he is when kihyun isn’t around and you want to ask something

when suddenly something falls into your hands and???? it’s a red rose

and you look up and cheshire minhyuk is lounging on a branch and is like “why hare,,,,,,,you haven’t said more then three words to our traveler,,,,,,,,cat got your tongue?”

and wonho wants to say something but minhyuk drops down from the branch and picks up the rose in your hand and puts it behind your ear and is like “i know why ,,,,,,,,,,the hare is all embarrassed~” 

and wonho reaches out to try and take a hold of minhyuk but the other vanishes while laughing only to reappear back on the branch this time hanging upside down off it

and he’s like “the march hare has a crush~ a crush on you~ and it’s his birthday not his unbirthday ~~~ don’t you think he deserves a gift~~~”

and with a wink sent your way minhyuk is gone and you’re standing there looking at wonho like it’s----it’s your birthday???? 

and blushing,,,,using his ears to cover the bottom half of his face wonho nods and you’re like aw,,,,well it’s your birthday you should have this

and you take the rose from behind your ear and give it to wonho,,,,who seems to still be a little embarrassed and you’re like “oh! and take this-”

as you reach up to kiss his cheek

which leaves his ears standing up straight for the first time heheh

Changkyun: Red Queen

doesn’t like being called the red king because in games the king never does anything but get protected,,,,,the queen on the other hand is powerful

so if anyone calls him ‘king’ , ‘prince’, etc. well,,,,,,off with their heads

wears a red cape,,,,red crown,,,,red nail polish,,,,,,,,and most people say that the red that underlines his eyes is actually the blood of those he beheads,,,,,,

BUT those are all rumors so what do we know (they are,,,most of the time no one actually gets hurt because jooheon spends hours writing pardons for every little thing changkyun gets mad over)

likes to play croquet and likes it when you tell him he’s right,,,

the moment you stumble upon him,,,changkyun takes a liking to you because you compliment how he looks in his cape

and before you know it you find yourself at his side for his croquet game,,,even calming him down after he sentences minhyuk to be captured for making a fool out of him again

which is something no one in wonderland has ever been able to do,,,,like changkyun’s temper cannot be calmed, but all you had to do was touch his hand and smile

and it seemed like all the anger just fizzled out and changkyun just smiled back

and people keep saying that sooner or later you’ll be the queen’s chosen one,,,,,,,and you’re like he doesn’t like me like THAT MUCH

but say that to the fact that during a royal feast instead of having you sit in the chair beside his changkyun had straight up just pulled you into his lap

feeding you the reddest of cherries and draping his favorite cape of your shoulders

and hatter kihyun had come over for the ball and jokingly asked for a dance to which changkyun told him if he ever wanted to drink tea again he better bet it or else that mouth of his would be-

changkyun spent the rest of the night telling you all about how he was planning on painting every white flower in the garden red

and when you’d asked him if maybe you should change your clothing from blue to red changkyun had immediately ordered you a new,,,completely red,,,,,wardrobe 

changkyun: “off with their-”

you: “here eat this red apple and kiss me instead ok?” 

If you ever have too much time and feel like ranting a lot, what about all of the LOVE & SEXUALITY & RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS for your Ryders in comparison? (Please also state their LI in the beginning.)

Love & Sexuality & Relationship Headcanons

Maritza Ryder/Bain MassaniCassie Ryder/Dr. Harry Carlyle

💓 When did they have their first crush?Maritza: “Oh, gosh. It was Temus Melnianus. This turian kid that lived in our building when we were still on the Citadel. He was older,” she says with a look suggests that might explain it all. “I was maybe ten and I think he was a few months from returning home to begin his mandatory service. Honestly, that might have been the reason I liked him so much. He was getting to do what I wanted the chance to do.” She laughs and shrugs. “But he was cute. Had beautiful eyes and I remember really like listening to him talk, which he did a lot.”

Cassie: “I don’t ever really remember having a crush. I only really develop feelings for people that I know quite well. But I’ve thought people were pretty or handsome, though I couldn’t tell you who the first person I thought was pretty or when, really,” she says with an almost apologetic shrug.

❤ Have they ever been in love?Cassie: “Yes. Twice before. Three times, counting Harry,” she answers with a blush.

[I don’t know that Cassie was actually in love with either her first girlfriend or the boyfriend she had in college, but she did care about them deeply.]

Maritza: “I don’t think so. I mean … maybe infatuation, but I wouldn’t call it love.” The grimace playing over her dark features is rather telling.

[Maritza’s dated quite a bit, but never really found someone that touched her deeply.]

💕 How easily do they fall in love?Maritza: “No. It’s not really my thing.”

Cassie: “No, I don’t fall in love easily. But I’ve been lucky. Known and had some amazing people in my life.”

💖 How do they say ‘I love you’ without really saying it? Maritza: She shrugs. “Like I said. Not my gig.”

[With Maritza, she shows her feelings through touch mostly. Holding someone else’s hand is a big deal for her, probably even more so than sex. It’s the seemingly innocuous kisses to the forehead or the temples that are another sign that she’s actually invested in someone. And most of the time, the ways she looks at them is a dead giveaway.]

Cassie: “Making coffee,” Cassie says with a nod. “Harry would always bring me coffee when I spent the night by Poll’s bedside, so now I try to return the favor every now and again. And occasionally, I can manage to surprise him with breakfast.”

[Cassie really does show her affection in the little ways, like proximity and doing little things with them/for them. She’s a fair cook and enjoys baking. So she will take over Harry’s tiny kitchen from time to time and make him something special. And then she also shows her love with tiny signs of affection, writing letters, finding out what they enjoy and doing that for/with them. She likes to take care of them.]

😕 Have they ever said ‘I love you’ without meaning it?

Maritza: “Never said it at all. So, no.”

Cassie: “No. I could never do that. Not to me or someone else,” Cassie states adamantly, shaking her head.

👀 Would they ever enter/have they ever entered into a friends with benefits relationship?Cassie: “No,” she says, shaking her head. “That’s not really my style. I don’t … can’t do something like that.”

[Clarification in a later question.]

Maritza: “Sure. I’d be game. Bain and I kind of have that going on already.”

[I think a part of her really liked Bain quite a bit initially. I think she was perhaps hoping that things between them would go a whole different way. But their first encounter threw her for a loop. The personal chat, the flirting … she read more into it and felt a little foolish when things went a different way. So, she tries to make up the difference for it the next time they meet. She decides that something is better than nothing and decides that if FWB is what he’s interested in, she’ll play along, but she refuses to admit that she wanted something else.]

💋 How old were they when they had their first kiss?Maritza: “Ten. Got a kiss from Temus before he left.”

Cassie: “Sixteen. Epal Axo,” she said with a blush.

🚗 When did they go on their first date?Cassie: “Same. We went to dinner then to hear a chamber orchestra that she was really interested in. It was fun.”

Maritza: “Ryder family rule. No dating until you’re sixteen,” she said by way of a more exact answer.

🌹 What is their idea of a perfect date? Maritza: “Well, Bain did pretty good,” she said with a shrug. “Something rough and rowdy, then a little more.” She chuckled, her smile curving into a smirk.

[Maritza is more of a romantic than she than she lets on. Honestly, the evening spent on that roof in Kadara drinking whiskey with Reyes would rank pretty high, as did the climb with Vetra. Mari’s a very physical person. So, any date that stretches her legs and gets her pulse racing will rank high in her memory.]

Cassie: “Just something quiet. I actually kind of like the open mic poetry nights at the Vortex. Poker night with crew can be fun, too. 

🔑 At what point would they move in with a partner?Cassie: “I don’t think that’s something you can pin down. I mean it depends on where you’re both at in your lives and where you find yourselves. It would depend on you and them, and so much else.”

[I think for Cassie and Harry this step would take several years. Namely because of her role as pathfinder and the expectations of the same.]

Maritza: “Hmm. Don’t know. I’m not sure I would.”

[Mari always wanted to be a soldier. She would have loved to become an N7 like her dad, but things went sideways. While she was surprised, and put out, that her father passed pathfinder authority to her, she saw it as a chance to maybe fulfill her goals. She has thrown herself into it.

Bain’s focus is similarly external. I’m not sure either of them are really the settling down type. Though I could see them finding their own brand of normal with one another.]

💟 What is their stance on PDA?Maritza: “That kind of thing is better saved for places it can be more fully explored.” 

[She’s not a big fan of PDA.]

Cassie: “I don’t really mind all that much, but I do think it has its limits.”

[Cassie’s a cuddler. She likes holding hands and having an arm around her shoulders and the trading of little kisses. She doesn’t go for the heavier stuff in public though. She just doesn’t want to be that part of that couple.]

🍵 Do they prefer to ask out a partner or be asked?Cassie: “I like both. Sometimes it’s nice to be asked, but it’s also fun to surprise Harry.”

Maritza: “I don’t think it really matters all that much.”

[Mari likes to be asked rather than ask.]

👥 What is my muse’s sexual & romantic orientation? [Maritza is a panromantic pansexual.]

[Cassie is a panromantic demisexual.]

💦 When did they lose their virginity?[Cassie lost her virginity at 18.]

[Maritza lost hers at 17.]

⁉ Have they ever questioned their sexuality?[Maritza never really questioned hers. Her first crush was on a turian. It kind of set the bar for her interest in/attraction to someone being more about the individual than anything else.]

[Cassie initially found herself developing interest mostly in women. As her social circle expanded, she found her interests expanding as well.]

💡 What made them realize their sexuality?Cassie: “I’ve always been more attracted to people that I know well. It’s just how I am. I didn’t really have name for it until high school.”

Maritza: She shrugs. “I just kind of always liked who I liked.”

💌 When was their first serious relationship?[Maritza: Her first serious relationship was in high school.]

[Cassie: She would say that Epal Axo was probably her first serious relationship.]

💘 What was their most serious relationship?[Cassie’s most serious relationship is by far her relationship with Harry. It’s equitable and considerate and based in a mutual admiration and consideration for one another.]

[Depending on how you define the word serious, Maritza’s most serious relationship was probably in high school. They started out as friends first, her parents knew him and his family, and approved of her dating him. It was like their friendship only with kissing and some heavy petting.]

💝 What was their most recent serious relationship? Cassie: “Harry.”

Maritza: “Bain’s my most recent relationship at all. So, I guess that’s probably as serious as I get.”

💗 What advice would they give a potential partner about making their relationship last if they could with no judgment?Maritza: “Pretty sure that ship has sailed. So, why bother?”

[Maritza still feels a little silly about what happened. She actually had a genuine interest in Bain and at this point is pretty sure that even calling what is happening between them Friends with Benefits might be a stretch, but they keep running into one another. And they are both consenting adults, so what’s the harm, right?]

Cassie: “I’d have to say, what he’s doing is working fine. Maybe, keep it up.”

[Cassie appreciates Harry’s consideration and patience. She thinks of herself as odd and knows that her preferences can be problematic in romantic relationships. But he’s taken what she sees as her ‘issues’ in stride, which she really appreciates. His friendship and encouragement endeared him to her and his understanding went a long way toward encouraging deeper feelings.

Mind you Harry doesn’t see anything he did as that particularly outstanding, but even in her short life Cassie’s had some misunderstandings over her sexuality. So, it is a big deal to her. Harry just sees it as kindness and caring.]

💫 Have they ever been hit/struck by a partner?Cassie: “No! Never!”

Maritza: “Yeah, right. You clearly don’t realize whose daughter you’re talking to.”

❌ What is the biggest mistake they make in their relationships?[Maritza: Jumping to conclusions. That’s her biggest mistake. She’ll read something in a look or body language and just make an assumption and apply it as fact. Mind you she’s never really put a lot of effort into her romantic or sexual endeavors, but even so she easily will make a snap judgement that people aren’t actually interested in her, for her own sake. They just want something.]

[Cassie: Feeling like she’s a burden to her partner, especially in Andromeda. Because she’s got this responsibility on top of her own choices. She feels like Harry has to deal with a lot. She never really comes to the conclusion that she’s worth the work a relationship takes–and they are all work, not just this one with her.]

💥 What was their worst relationship?Martiza: “I don’t really do relationships, so I’m not sure I could say I really had a bad one.”

Cassie: “I think it might have been my first. It was great and all. But like any first relationship, it was hard. Really hard. There were a lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, uncertainties. It was just … a roller coaster really.”

😓 Have they ever cheated on a partner?Maritza: “Nope.”

[In truth Mari, has. But not intentionally. She didn’t see a fling with another student as anything more than that, but that young woman did. So, while she would not call it cheating, that girl did and it led to a bit of a whispered reputation.]

Cassie: “No!”

😢 Have they ever been cheated on by a partner?Cassie: “Not that I know of.”

Maritza: She gives another shrug, trying to pull off a disinterested look. It mostly comes off but there is a little trace of hurt behind her eyes. “Don’t know. Don’t care.”

💞 Would they ever enter/have they ever entered into a polyamorous relationship?Maritza: She shrugs. “I guess it would depend on who, when, where … all that. I can’t say I’d be opposed to it, or particularly for it. I think it would depend.”

Cassie: “I don’t know,” she says rather quietly. “Honestly, finding time for just Harry and I has been harder than I thought it would be. But I guess if it happened, I’d find a way to make it work.”

😭 When was their first breakup?Cassie: “I was almost 19.”

Maritza: “Ten, but if you ask my parents; they’d say 17.”

💔 What was their worst breakup?Maritza: “It was probably that guy.” She snaps her fingers in an effort to get her memory to fire off the name. “One of the professor’s lab assistants. Really pretty, kind of sweet.” Maritza shrugs. “We ate together a few times, a little quality time in a tent here and there. Then we moved on. She was a little upset for a while. Didn’t talk to me for an entire month until that raider attack. Then she talked to me again,” Maris says, with a grinning laugh.

Cassie: “Probably Epal. We were young and together for a long time. We were best friends before we started dating. Then dated for nearly three years after. Our relationship ending was hard on both of us, but I guess I should have realized going in that it couldn’t have been forever,” she says with a quiet sigh. “It hurt. But it could have hurt worse if I had lost her completely.”

👍 What was their most amicable breakup?Cassie: “Epal, actually. We still remained friends after. I mean we had become one another’s dearest confidante. It wasn’t something either of us really wanted to lose.”

Maritza: “Not sure I’ve ever had one of those. But I guess that was probably Temus, though I’m not sure that would count. We stole away had a kiss and a few hours later he was on a shuttle back to Palaven. No tears, or any of that foolishness.”

🌙 Have they ever had a one night stand?Maritza: “Sure.”

Cassie: “Never.”

🍷 How far would they go on a first date? Cassie: “No.”

Maritza: “As far as I and they felt comfortable with. But I mean if there’s no chemistry, what’s the point? But if you’re both into one another and want to do the do,” she says with a shrug. “Why not?”

💍 Would they ever get married?Maritza: “Doubt it.”

[Maritza remembers her dad being gone, and how hard it was on her mom worrying and having to do it all on her own. She’s not sure she’d want to do that to someone else. Especially not someone she would love enough to want to commit to in some way. Though I think it could happen, given the right twists and turns.]

Cassie: “I don’t know. Maybe.”

[Cassie, of course, grew up in the same kind of household, but saw how much her parents loved one another. Sure it was a struggle but they made it work for them. I think she’d like to try and find that with someone else.]

💎 Would they rather propose or be proposed to? Cassie: “I don’t think it matters who proposes.”

[She’s a bit of a more ‘traditional’ romantic--read a lot of early literature Austen, the Brontes, Burney, Behn, et al--and I think she’d like to be proposed to. The whole on bended knee bit.]

Maritza: “Neither. But I guess to avoid having to turn someone down it’d be better if I asked. Then at least there’s the assurance of commitment on one side at least.”

💒 What kind of wedding would they want to have?Maritza: “If I decided to tie the knot,” she stopped mid-sentence and turned her head. “Do we even have justices of the peace in Andromeda?”

Cassie: “I’d like it to be small. Just friends and family. Something cozy with the people I care about.”

👶 Do they want children?Cassie: “Eventually. Yeah, with the right guy,” she says, with a slight blush on her cheeks.

Maritza: “No.” The word comes out sharp, but her mouth slackens and the volume of her voice lowers as she adds, “I don’t think so.”

🍼 Could a partner ever change their mind on children?Maritza: She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m sure they could. People change their mind about things all the time.”

Cassie: “Sure,” Cassie replies with a shrug. “I mean I’d love to have children. But I could understand someone changing their mind. And if you truly love someone and want to share a life with them, then wanting or not wanting kids shouldn’t be the important part. Right?”

❔ Ask your own question!

#TMIishTuesday #60 - Make a democracy a democracy!

Hey, This is a very important topic. Please keep reading - and most importantly: Go, use your vote! Be it upcoming Sunday, the Sunday after or any time later. Thanks! Hey there mighty people of the internet! And welcome to issue #60 of #TMIishTuesday - my weekly Tumblr post about what goes through my weird mind and on what you guys want to know more about. It can be something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely pointless - but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well. // Last week I discussed bisexuality and the stereotypes and misconceptions regarding the topic. Check it out, once you're done reading this. :) // Within the next two weeks we have two elections coming up in Germany. Both are elections for state parliaments - those of the Schleswig-Holstein and North Rhine-Westphalia. Given the latest events in countries like the UK (Brexit), the US (The Trumpet), and France (Le Pen), it is even more important that you - you reading this - make use of your vote! Ever heard of the AfD? Let me give you a little bit of a break-down as to what happened in the elections mentioned above and then move on to the situation in Germany - and why I think we have some scaring tendencies here. 1. The UK, aka. "we want to leave the EU so badly!" - 23 June 2016 For the past few years there had been more and more public voices who felt the UK was not treated properly by the European Union (EU) - especially with regard to the migration situation (aka. the refugees coming into the EU being distributed equally among the member states). After a years-long debate, Prime Minister David Cameron kept a promise from his 2015 election campaign and held a referendum about a possible move of the UK to leave the EU. The weeks before the two campaigns were picking up speed and the closer the referendum came, the closer the parties were. In the end, it was a very close race, but Cameron's campaign to stay in the EU was not successful. It got 48 % of the votes. Which in turn meant that the UK has officially started talks to negotiate the terms of their leave. Also, as you probably know, the leave voters had a significantly higher average age than those who voted to stay in the Union. I already posted @glenrules's tweet back then in my an general update post on my life, but it's just ridiculous. And his caption "Ever been fucked by a pensioner before ? You have now." is just spot on! The younger population - and Scotland and the city of London - showed a high percentage of stay voters. Why do I tell you this story? You probably know all of the things I just told you. Well, the leave campaign got a mere 1.3 million votes more. With nearly 18 million people, who could have voted, but didn't. 35 % of those, who were allowed to vote in the referendum, didn't. But surely they joined in with the incredible vocal "this was not a fair referendum" shouts. I don't see how it was not fair. You knew the facts. You knew it would cost the UK millions every year to leave the EU. You knew your relationship towards the EU would change. You couldn't expect that you were allowed all the benefits at no costs. What would have worked: Preparing yourself well enough before the vote, checking both opinions, and finally: actually voting. Take-away: Go, use your voice! Vote! 2. The US, aka. "God bless this mofo!" - 8 November 2016 Elections in the US are quite a happening. Still, all the "Let's make America great again" and "Hillary for America" didn't quite get the people to the polling stations. Only 60 % of the voting eligible population actually used their power. And while Hillary Clinton got the popular vote (meaning she got more total votes), she still didn't become president. The American voting system is f*ed up!  No, the Trumpet became president. And we saw the same we saw with the Brexit vote: People shouting: "This is not fair! We need a re-run of the election!" Well, I have to give you that: To me it also feels unfair when the majority of people voted for Clinton, but they got the Trumpet as a president. :D But: That's how their election system works. And has been working for centuries. You can't say "it's unfair". You knew how it worked. What would have worked: Getting the remaining 40 % to vote. Changing the election system during the last election period. Fleeing the country. Okay, leaving the country is not funny. I shouldn't say that. But the first two: Definitely! 3. France, aka. "Let's switch the political situation completely!" - 23 April 2017 The latest election in France shows how sudden a change can come by. From two parties winning pretty much every electoral district to winning barely any in just five years. This again shows how agitated the whole political situation in Europe has been lately. Take-away: Don't let the right-wing parties take over! France, if you're reading this: Don't be silly! Don't hand the Èlysée Palace to Madame Le Pen just like that! Right, let's turn to Germany cause that's what we're here for. Looking at recent polls, we can expect the AfD well above the 5% threshold needed to claim seats in the Bundestag, the German national parliament. As if 9% of the German voting population were asleep for the last few years - or simply feel SO "invaded" (quote by Bernd - pardon, Björn - Höcke) by immigrants. A party built on hatred. A party that basically denies the Holocaust. Höcke, spokesperson of the AfD in the German state of Thuringia and chairman of the party in the state parliament, called the Holocaust memorial in Berlin a "memorial of shame". Wilhelm von Gottberg, another member of the party, once mentioned a "flaw of guilt" which clearly states he believes the Holocaust is nothing you should apologise for. Yepp, and I could mention lots and lots of other statements. But it's not the topic of today's post. I think I made my point here: The AfD is an ultra-right party. Some say calling them "nazis" would be too much. But, quite frankly: They are nothing short of the stuff the NPD preaches. And you call them nazis. As far as I am concerned: Only because the AfD doesn't have the N of "national socialism" incorporated, that doesn't make them any better. Aaaanyway. This post should be more about why you should vote. The first reason is stated above: Don't give those ultra-right idiots any more power. The more votes for other parties, the less their votes will weigh. As long as you don't vote for them, I don't care what you vote - it's completely up to you. And that's why we should be proud of how far we've come! We learned the lessons from the Third Reich: Anti-democratic behaviour leads to dictatorship. Sooner or later. As Cicero told us more than 2000 years ago. What a wise man! Why is democracy important you might ask? Cause who care when you only have one vote and there are 60 million others, who also do? Well, I have some answers for you. 1. Every vote counts the same. If you vote, you can be sure that your vote counts exactly the same as any other vote. We don't have the conditions of the empire times where only certain people were allowed to vote - and those of the noble and the clergy would count waaay more than those of the "common bourgeois". That's freaking important! 2. You are free in the party you vote for. You have the choice. You can decide between the 30+ parties that run for the election (granted, if we're talking Schleswig-Holstein, there are only 13 parties. And no one can tell you off for voting for that particular party. Take a look to Turkey to know how a situation would look like when you were not allowed to choose freely. Do I have to say any more? 3. It's fun! If you're young, that sounds ridiculous. I know that. But: Politics are fun! Developing an opinion on topics you have an interest in - and on those that are very important - is cool! Not only does it help you when you engage in discussion with friends, family or class mates - it also makes you realise some stuff you wouldn't have realised before. It makes you realise opportunities. Go, catch them! Also: It fills me with a lot of pride that I actually haven't missed a single opportunity to vote. National, state-wide, communal, European - I used them all. You do the same, please! Btw, did you know that you can also vote, when you know you won't be able to on the day itself? Just request postal vote. There are forms online for the respective elections. If you forgot, you still have some time left. For the election in Schleswig-Holstein upcoming Sunday, the deadline for requesting your postal vote is Friday, 5 May, 12.00. For North Rhine-Westphalia you have 6 hours longer. The deadline is Friday, 12 May, 18.00. Whatever way you use to vote, whatever party you choose to vote - do the same as 78 % of my Twitter followers and go, vote! I'll like you a little bit more then! Go, do it! Do you plan to vote? If so, why do you think it’s important? If no, what’s your reason? Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else you can think of to get to me. Queer Shoutout you say? Technically this isn't too much of a queer shoutout, but 1/3 is queer. That counts, right? It's just too fitting. Three wonderful videos on why voting is such an important part of a democracy. And why it's even more important in these times. Jodie Calussi gives you a little talk on the history of voting rights, Lisa Sophie talks about the difficulties of making decisions and help with finding the party that fits you best and Applewar's MasterJam and his friends created a lovely cover of Die Toten Hosen's song Willkommen in Deutschland to tell you that voting can keep those nasty AfD people off you. Check all those videos out. They deserve it! :) As always: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any questions in the meantime, just ask away. Whatever you’re curious about - I don’t bite. :) Until then: Stay mighty! Linkage: - glenrules’s tweet: https://twitter.com/glenrules/status/746228140792381444 - My post mentioning #Brexit last year: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/146622442867/tmi-ish-tuesday-16-wrap-up - Wikimedia graphic for the 2012 presidential elections in France: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2012_French_presidential_election_-_Second_round_-_Majority_vote_(Metropolitan_France,_communes).svg - Wikimedia graphic for the 2017 presidential elections in France: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:%C3%89lection_pr%C3%A9sidentielle_de_2017_par_d%C3%A9partement_T1.svg - Welt.de: SPD büßt noch mehr in Wählergunst ein: https://www.welt.de/politik/deutschland/article164132054/SPD-buesst-noch-mehr-in-Waehlergunst-ein.html - Wikipedia: Election threshold: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Election_threshold - Fabian Leber for tagesspiegel.de: Flüchtlingskrise: Die AfD drängt auf die Straße: http://www.tagesspiegel.de/politik/fluechtlingskrise-die-afd-draengt-auf-die-strasse/12466360.html - Sidney Gennies for tagesspiegel.de: Nationalsozialismus: Die AfD provoziert am Holocaust-Gedenktag: http://www.tagesspiegel.de/politik/nationalsozialismus-die-afd-provoziert-am-holocaust-gedenktag/19310794.html - Zeit.de: Wilhelm von Gottberg: AfD-Politiker lehnte Distanzierung von Holocaustzitat ab: http://www.zeit.de/politik/deutschland/2017-03/wilhelm-von-gottberg-afd-holocaust-zitat-distanzierung - Wikipedia: De re publica: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/De_re_publica#Inhalt - NDR.de: 13 Parteien stehen in SH zur Wahl: https://www.ndr.de/nachrichten/schleswig-holstein/13-Parteien-stehen-in-SH-zur-Wahl,landtagswahl1190.html - Poll among my Twitter followers: https://twitter.com/MightBeDamian/status/859146811486998529 - Jodie Calussi: Ihr wollt es.. | 80% Challenge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJNIPuQMk4Y - Lisa Sophie: Wen soll ich bloß wählen? - Entscheidungskrisen | ItsColeslaw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEy1_80PqRw - MasterJam: Willkommen in Deutschland (Cover Musik Video “Die Toten Hosen”): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru91LJ_R6e8 Oh, and here’s some self-promo: - Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/159982754723/tmiishtuesday-59-bi-what-on-bisexuality - All #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi - More #TMIishTuesdays on politics: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/mightbeserious - More very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian - Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com 

the worst pub crawl ever...

it’s been some time since i last tumbled. our new site is live and is working really well, too well perhaps and we’re super stretched.  but it’s a good problem.  I still wanna write a Black Lives Matter post, but first, while it’s fresh in my mind...

Yearly, the Kingston Town Neighbourhood (that’s the near-to-town-centre) councillors and some of the Licensing Committee (who decide policy on Kingston clubs and venues (but also off licenses and restaurants)) councillors do a tour of the town to try and get a handle on what happens at night in town. Now it’s no secret that my route into Council was via the belief (that i still have) that RBK doesn’t care or value night-time entertainment as much as it should. I’m pretty familiar with the venues we went to. I work in two of them weekly, and used to run events in another. Yet, as a Licensing member and a Kingston Town councillor, i was happy to go. Not least to make sure i was a part of the conversations.  My dumbed-down approach to this is i think the Lib Dems on council (of which I’m one) are minded to think “ah, let the young people have fun, but let’s make sure we minimise trouble.”  I think a significant number - but not all - of the Tories in administration have more of a “young people going clubbing are probably up to no good, but we have to put up with them”.  This year’s event, a kinda terrible pub-crawl, got upgraded a little with the London mayor’s Night Czar coming round to see what goes on, and the new KingstonFirst boss coming to view what the big percentage of Kingston BID payers do for a business.

I'm visiting #Kingston tonight with @RBKingston #KingstonFirst & @metpoliceuk for my latest #NightSurgery- come say hello! #LondonIsOpen

— Amy Lamé, Night Czar (@nightczar) 3 February 2017

Partly cos of the above the Kingston Council Chief Exec and Leader both came along, so there was quite a weird gang of us walking around town. I was happy Kevin was coming. His views on night time entertainment in the past have been ill-informed at best. 

silly appointment by labour mayor. Can manage night time economy without interference from divisive American https://t.co/WTkKW3OwHs

— Kevin Davis (@kevinjdavis) 18 November 2016

Strangely, we started off at 11pm looking at a closed Rose Theatre and talking about the merits of it. Now, I’m obviously a huge fan of the place, but i thought this was a weird thing to do. We shoulda been in The Mill or The Druids. We walked along the river in a sorta sight-seeing tour, again posing for pictures in front of the bridge...  i was getting frustrated that this was turning into a tour of the town, rather than a tour of the night time venues. 

When we did get to Viper Rooms (formerly McClusky’s) it actually turned into what it was sposed to be. The 20-strong group of us (which included a BBC filming crew) went around and were shown how the scanning and search work. Kingston has an exceptionally high level of safety at night and in general.. We were also reminded how much work the guys at Viper do on river safety. They literally pulled people out of the water. Last night a DJ saved my life is nothing compared to these proper life savers.

The tour then went to Pryzm. On the way i had quite the chat with the Council Leader about Kingstonian’s plight. Off topic, sure, but i swear people involved in the decisions of the town don’t have all the info. They do now! Time was spent with the Street Pastors. A bunch of volunteers who look after people who need it, associated to - often a bit too much drinking - problems at night.

Pryzm is the venue with the cash spent on it. I’m always impressed by the PA. It’s not a place i visit as a punter, but it IS a place that each bigger town needs. 

current status: in Pryzm with Kevin Davis, Amy Lamé and a gang of Kingston councillors. shit's weird pic.twitter.com/CnS2XcucJK

— jon tolley (@JonTolleyTweets) 4 February 2017

i was keen to hear of what Amy had to say about The Agent Of Change. It's hard to know what power the czar will actually have, but even for there to be a voice is important. I'm no Labour voter, but what Sadiq is trying to do must be welcomed. There was too much to talk about between Amy and myself on the night so we’ll continue a lot of this “off-line”  Anyway, at Pryzm, we were shown around the venue. Loads of the venues and councillors were so pre-occupied with talking about safety measures, which are obviously important, that not much time was spent on talking about the actual value of the places. the offer, the service, the atmopshere, the fun. I’m always worried even by the term Night Time Economy cos it makes everything seem like a black/red balance sheet, and not about the cultural benefit of these places. It’s been my criticism of the council and of Kingston First for years. 

After leaving there, the gang went to The Hippodrome - the home of New Slang. I won't talk too much about there, cos i do so every week. I love the place and the shell it gives us for some of the best moments i've experienced. It was good to see Hippodrome security actually making the councillors and officers use their ID to get in. Every week i see people say "I don't need ID, I'm 40". Decision makers don't understand the conflict this creates. I’m always saying how people don’t like having their ID scanned, using breathalisers, going through airport security...  I see the benefits, of course, and am not advocating taking it away (actually, I’d take away breathalisers right away - i dont accept that being too drunk to drive, is being too drunk to dance), but i think WAY more should be done on showing the benefits of this to the customer. Talk about encouraging safety, rather than presumption of danger. At this point i said a temporary goodbye as i had my day night job to get on with. 

the crew went back to guildhall while the real highlights of Kingston nightlife went down at Bacchus pic.twitter.com/M2nAjLKSpN

— jon tolley (@JonTolleyTweets) 4 February 2017

I bloody love Bacchus. The Friday nights are easy and fun. You can knock Bacchus for being a small dive, but i love it BECAUSE it’s a small dive. 

may there always be a club for the punks, grebos, goths, the shoe lace belts, the misfits, those with a different path. always Bacchus

— jon tolley (@JonTolleyTweets) 31 March 2016

At 3AM, i met up with the council crew again, to see kicking out time. Now, obviously I’m a big fan of night time entertainment, but i do see the hassles. Kicking out time is surely one of the most tense. We watched from over the road at Viper, Pryzm, and then at Hippodrome like parents waiting at the school gate. The security did everything you’d want them to. Stopping one scuffle before it started, making sure people weren’t wandering pissed into roads, sending people on their way. The police presence was there, in case anything got out of hand. 

I feel everyone was suitably impressed.   For me, the bigger problems with anti-social behaviour from clubs are in the residential streets on the way home, rather than the town centre itself.I absolutely reject the idea that it’s unsafe to walk around Kingston at night. This view has been expressed by many on the Licensing Committee but I’m sure that anyone from that committee who was out with us last night can no longer have that view. I’m not sure if the actual appreciation of the venues and the service they provide is there tho. I guess that’s my battle. 

So shouts out to the councillors who came out of their comfort zone and went around the town. Less of a shout, but a “nice one”, to those who it’s in their comfort zone, but still spent the night walking around. Hopefully we can make more informed decisions now. 

One final footnote. We’ve heard that homelessness in Kingston has gone up 26% on last year. But man, when you are actually walking around the streets you really DO see the number of rough sleepers quite vividly. And that’s just the ones in view. It’s really sad and it’s getting worse. I hope that our eyes were open to the homelessness problem almost as much as our ears were open to the joys of night time entertainment, and we treat people with real problems as real people, not just potential beggars

Quick Poll: Do you think homelessness/begging is a problem in Kingston Town Centre?

— Kingston Police TCT (@MPSKingstonTnC) 20 January 2017

039: INSTAGRAM FOR BUSINESS: YOUR INSTAGRAM STORIES QUESTIONS ANSWERED

  iTunes | Stitcher | Soundcloud | Overcast | Spotify | TuneIn | Castbox

Today’s talking point:

I struggle with knowing what to talk about on Instagram. How do you decide what you are going to speak about on your stories each day? I want to gain active followers, engage with them, and create my own engaging Instagram stories. 

Today we're covering a topic that I get asked about a lot. How to create compelling and engaging Instagram Stories for your business. Instagram is big, Instagram Stories are even bigger, so that's what we're going to get into today. 

THE OPPORTUNITY IN INSTAGRAM

The Market

There are 1 billion Instagram accounts worldwide that are active every month. Of that, 500 million accounts watch Instagram Stories daily. Every. Single. Day. That's a huge amount of people. It's been three years since Instagram came out with Stories, yet so many people are hesitant to try it out. There's so much more growth to happen and still lots of room for people to come out and make a wave on Instagram Stories.

Almost all the innovation on Instagram is inside of Instagram stories. They're constantly coming out with new features, it's almost a platform within a platform. IG users spend almost 50% or more time in the app now because of Stories. So because people are watching Stories, people are staying for longer in the app. 

Think about real estate. When people are scrolling, there are TONS of distractions. On a story video, it is just you and whoever is delivering that story. From a marketer's perspective, that is true value.

Making Connections

The beauty of stories is that you can connect with people in such a more real and authentic way and people are actually responding well to that. People like feeling close, people like feeling like you're on the other end of a mobile phone, not in a production studio.

It allows users to respond in a more private and connected way, cultivating a level of loyalty, intimacy and closeness that I don't think is easily replicated. The DMs is just such a good place to connect deeper with your audience and it's just so easy for them to do so. (Which also signals to Instagram from an analytical perspective that you should be higher in the algorithm).

The beauty is that no one knows how many people are responding and how many people aren't responding. So unlike comments that are visible to everyone, you could be getting lots of responses to your DMs or not that many, and no one's going to know. They also don't know how many people watch your story. It's just an intimate one-to-one kind of experience. 

Hopefully you all understand that stories are very, very powerful. I know some of my clients would confess that they don't do stories enough, so let's talk about some creative ideas to empower you to start creating more inside of Instagram Stories.

MASTERING YOUR INSTAGRAM STORY STRATEGY: CREATING ENGAGING CONTENT

There's an idea that if you're using Instagram Stories, you need to be posting content every single day. You don't. However, post consistently: if you decide to post once a week, stick to it. People should know what to expect from you, but it's not going to harm you if you're not showing up every single day. 

Show up in a Series

Implement a weekly series. Come up with a catchy name and it becomes a trigger for your audience, it becomes something that they kind of look forward to. It becomes another layer of ways that people can connect with you. Listen to the full podcast episode for a step-by-step guide on how I run a weekly series.

Share Advice

Have a “how to” piece of content, or a piece of content that gives advice. Really the purpose of this content is to add as much value as possible. You want to create the type of content that your ideal client gets excited about every time they see a new story from you. So for this, you're really thinking about: 

Tutorials 

How tos

Advice stories

Keep it as short, sweet and to the point as possible. Keep in mind it doesn't have to be 100% related to your product or service - just relatable to your ideal client.

Promote

This is really, really big and can be done in so many different ways - get creative. Don't just show up and say, “we're doing 25% off today.” (Although that is great and important and it has its time and place.) Think about all the ways that you can encourage people to buy from you, so that might be highlighting a customer and celebrating wins or sharing a testimonial. 

There are so many different ways to link stories into all the parts of Instagram. Use the swipe up feature if you have 10k+ followers and if not (Pro tip!) use IGTV - where regardless of followers you can swipe up. 

You don’t only have to focus on promoting products, promoting podcast launches or blog posts etc. Focus on engaging with your audience by sharing things that they’ll love.

Behind the Scenes 

Let's talk about some other behind the scenes things we can do to creatively to show people the work going into whatever you do.

There are so many ideas. It's just honestly looking whatever situation that you're in and writing a list of what the things are that happen behind the scenes. It could be anything, including:

Get to know where you work (or who you work with)

How products launch

New things in the works

It's so much more fun when you see the people rather than when you're a faceless presence. You might think it's boring and mundane, but the truth is everyone who is living their own life believes that their own life, situation and circumstances are boring and mundane (but everyone else is living their own lives completely different to yours.) 

I find that the stories that I think are the most boring are some of my best, most engaged stories just from simply bringing people behind the scenes. Don't underestimate your own situation.

WHAT MAKES A GOOD STORY

First thing’s first: A story is called a story for a reason. Many don't realise that when you post different stories throughout the day, they should all flow. There should be a beginning, a middle and an end. Think about what colours you’re using, can you use your brand colours again and again, can you use the same fonts again and again? Can you add emojis? Can you spend 15 more seconds making it look a little different to the average story? 

Write it Out

Most people are not listening to your stories. I've done polls about this before, my audience is probably split 50/50 right down the middle in terms of who watches stories, with sound on vs. without. 

If you are talking into the camera, you’re missing a huge percentage of people who just flip through. Captioning your stories to get the general point across is powerful. Everyone can understand the value of whatever it is you're saying. 

Plan Ahead

The big thing, don't upload in the moment. When you take a video and go to caption it, you have to re-listen to it. It takes some time. Take your stories. One after the next, save them and then later when you're at home, listen to it and just type it out. Most of the time, I like to type it out word for word because it requires less thought, but sometimes I talk a lot and I can just narrow it down. 

You want to make it so that if someone sees that story, regardless of whether they hear your voice or see your face or see your little name, we want them to know it's you. 

Have an Ending

Let’s go back to the beginning, middle, and end. I know a lot of people struggle with the end part. Everybody knows how to start and maybe what the middle is, but how do you end a story? You have to have a conclusion, a finale, a summary of what you said, thanking people for showing up, saying goodbye. I try and do that as often as I can because I'm so constant with my storytelling that I always say good morning, so it just makes sense to say good night as well. 

Creating Engagement

Engagement is one of those key metrics that the algorithm looks for. So how do we get better engagement? 

Ask people to DM

You don't just ask them once, don't ask them twice. Make it a part of the way that you show up on stories. Say “I want to hear from you about ____.” You don’t have to respond to every message, open and double tap to like their response. As long as I feel that my audience feel heard and seen, I'm good. 

Use polls/questions

Include polls or questions when you can. They are the simplest features to encourage an audience to engage and respond. Every time someone engages with a poll of yours, it's signalling to Instagram, “I'm interested in your content. I want to see more.”

You can use them for silly things - If I'm going to be getting my nails done and I don't know what colour to choose, I’ll ask for an opinion. 

For deeper questions, use the question & response feature so your audience can give more individualised answers. Use this to determine content: “what are you struggling with right now in _____,” and then solve it.

Try the quiz feature

This allows you to ask a question and then use up to four different answers, then choose the correct answer. You're quizzing your audience. It's so fun to do things like “get to know me and my business.” And so one of the questions might be:

How many years have I been doing what I do?

Who worked with me behind the scenes? 

What is my dog’s name?

 Human nature is to want to know what the right answer is. Many just guess and interact just to see what the answer is. 

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Want access to a library full of online marketing resources plus weekly bitesized breakthroughs to help you boss your online presence? Find it here.

What did you think of the show? Leave a review on iTunes and become the Breakthrough Blogger of the Week!

Subscribe to the show and get notified when a new episode goes live.

Come join my free FB group.

Apply to work with me 1:1 as a private client here.

  from Blog https://ift.tt/2M5kKUZ via IFTTT

Enlightening Cinema

gallop McKennaEnlightening CinemaMetaphysical Articles | February 6, 2005... Cinema By dash ... me tell you why you're here. You're here over you notice ... What you know, you can't explain. But you touch it. You felt it your unified life. so there' Enlightening Cinema past Jed McKenna"Let me confess you cause you're here. You're attendant because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You sense it your entire life. That there something wrong with the world. You don't experience what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your power driving you mad." -Morpheus, The Matrix This isn't a show review poll and it's not comprehensive. It's equitable some summary about a few feature I guess are good for the purposes of awakening and why, or that are on to and how not. along tools of understanding, bad is often better than good. big themes represented on this list imply to be these: - Heresy - Captive/Captor - Teacher/Student - Nature of self/man. - Death/rebirth. Cataclysm/epiphany. - Untrustworthiness of mind/memories. The apart thing I might urge with notice to show and publication is to raise the material ascend to the level point it shift of rate to you. Orwell potency have last writing an anti-communist manifesto, but uneaten Eighty-Four is much more interesting consider as the struggle between man and his confinement. Apocalypse instantly is round something extra than Viet Nam, according to what to earn Ahead swank Advertising is about object more than rampant commercialism, etc.::: african Beauty"I feel like ice been in a trance for the past tweet years. including I'm equitable now alert up." five included african Beauty chiefly for what is wrong with it. Lester's major death/rebirth transition shows promise, but what accomplish he development to? rearward to teenage crap, not forward in any sense. A fear-based regression. ludicrous car, irrelevant drugs, irrelevant vanity, simple skirt chasing. Not at all redeemed when fester sees his own silliness near the end or by sappy/smarmy dead boy voice-over. dramaturgic movie is slightly redeemed by the presence of the quasi-mystical neighbor son and his video footage of a windblown bag:"That's the sunshine I completed that there was this entire heart behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to appreciate there was no logic to be afraid, ever."::: Apocalypse Now"In a fighting there are many date for tenderness and tender action. capable are countless moments for ruthless life what is often called ruthless what may in many precedence be apart clarity, seeing free movies ly what there is to be done and doing it, directly, quickly, awake, consider at it." You'd consider that annihilation Now Redux, the director's cut, would be the version to watch, but all the stuff that was appropriately cut from the authentic has prevail wrongly replaced. (Raising the interesting mote that directors and journalist often don't understand the higher play of the stories they're telling.) bar with the original bygone both Redux and congrats Heart of Darkness.Apocalypse directly is all about the Horror. ad journey of discovery, into the character of darkness, arriving at this horror. What's the horror? whence do you get there? Why would anyone compose such a journey? consider you form such a journey? Why or why not?Note the powerful epiphanies that run the film. The head assassin's character home, ("Sell the house, sell the car, sell the kids..."), Dennis Hopper's youthful exuberance, Kurtz's diamond bullet, pollards "...I wasn't even in their infantry any more." ::: life There"Spring, summer, autumn, winter... then spring again."A pleasing film ruined by a foolish walking-on-water stunt bearing on to the end. Without that nonsense the viewer would be handout to think, to decide, to wonder. Instead, the movie zips itself rise tight with its adept little dumb-it-down twist. blow the bar button meanwhile Chauncey is straightening the sapling, ahead the hurtful denouement, and it's a fun, splendid film.::: Blade Runner"I've recognize things you people wouldn't believe. onslaught ships on fire slim the bear of Orion. I've watched c-beams radiance in the dark neighboring the tiny house Gate. outright those date will be lost in time alike tears in rain. generation to die." Were you born pentamerous minutes ago? Of program not, and you have the memories to show it. yard know if they were artificial implants, because, uh...::: Cast Away"I couldn't even kill the speaker the form I necessary to. I had function over nothing."If a guy screams on a forlorn island and there's no one to hear him, does he make a sound? last it ample that he hears it himself? What if not? What's sinister when you take off everything?Self exposed bare.This feature raises crowded intriguing query about the substance of self, or lack thereof, and add a bona fide Zen eulogy.::: Dead dramatist SocietyHeresy.::: harlot and Maude"Vice, virtue. It's best not to be too moral... Aim over morality."American Zen, master and disciple. ::: Harvey"For senescence I was smart... I recommend pleasant."Elwood P. Dowd, wisefool. A sweet depiction of a higher rule of life misinterpreted as a subordinate order of being. exert we know the Superior Man meanwhile we aphorism him? ::: How to Get forward In Advertising"Everything I execute now compose perfect sense."A thwarted offer for freedom. A decline attempt to overthrow Maya. Enjoy the insanity of the epiphany.::: Joe facing the Volcano"Nobody knows anything, Joe. weal take this leap, and we'll see. We'll jump, and will see. hates life, right?"Death and Rebirth. Unlike American Beauty, this is all about moving forward, "away from the things of man."::: fellow Facing soothes (Hombre Mirando Al Sudeste)Watch especially for the observable poem of a brother crumbling a human doctor into a sink at the same time looking for the soul.::: The Matrix"Like everyone else, you were born within bondage, born inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A jail for your mind." palates Cave for the people. As allegorically lucid as Joe across Vocano, Pleasantville and Star Wars.::: Monty Python's heart of Brian"No, no! interest is a sign that, like Him, we duty think not of the things of the body, but of the surface and head!"Sacred Cow-tipping at its best."Meaning of Life" also reside on this list.::: in tern Eighty-Four"If you want a vision of the future, Winston, frame a boot stamping on a mortal faceforever."This cinema is rare in the sense that it's as good as the book, which is an excessively intimate profile of the captor/captive, Maya/man relationship. Compare this to Moby-Dick or One drift Over the Cuckoo's refuge which are superb essay but useless movies.::: One Flew bygone the Cuckoo's NestAs with Moby-Dick, Hollywood castrated the book. They stripped it of its archetypal measurement and decreased it to a inconsequential pissing race between McMurphy and attendant Ratched. big entertainment, but for meaningful insight, read the book.::: Pleasantville"There are some places where the road doesn't go in a circle. There are some places where it keeps on going."A cheerful tale of heresy in which no one is burned at the picket and the new paradigm is, eventually, embraced by all.::: breathtaking Razor's Edge"The dead eye so terribly dead."The razor's edge is what compose it interesting; seeing lardy shakily equitable on the fine line between what he was and what he's becoming. He is walking the edge halfway two lives. The Bill Murray form is a bit unfocused... stick with Tyrone talent or read the book. Maugham apparently used Ramana Maharshi as the miniature for the novel's righteous man.::: Star Wars"The enforcement will be with you, always."The prime one, position Luke produce the evolution from weight to spirit. The horrors Journey.::: comic Thin cardinal Line"Maybe all men land one tremendous soul fore bodes a share of, all faces are the double man."A sublime inquiry within the intangible nature of man. further a sad/sweet song than a reported film.::: comic Thirteenth Floor"So what're you saying? You're saying that there's something else world on top of this one?"Layer after layer. Turtles on top of turtles. ::: Vanilla Sky/Abre Los Ojos"Open your eyes."If you cognate Vanilla Sky, check out the original, the Catalan film Abre Los Ojos (Open Your Eyes). the particular two skin may be the outstanding of the bunch for our purposes; the neighboring to an enlightenment allegory.Of course, the interesting word about enlightenment is winning there, not being there, and teats what the particular films are about; rebirth from a false reality, opening your eyes. They're not so much around what's actual as what is not. It's the story of the journey one takes to get to the site where anything, even jumping off a tall building, would be better than continuing to live a lie, square a beautiful, blissful lie.Note the subsistence of the true guru, explaining in clear fee why leaping off the building is the leading thing to do, and waiting meekly for it to be done.::: stirring Life"They respond that delusion are only real as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same point about life?"Wide-ranging philosophical inquiry. Provocative. Amusing. Potentially disruptive.::: Wings of Desire"When the child was a child, it was the generation of these questions: Why am I me, and why not you? Why am I here, and why not there? meanwhile did time begin and where does space end?"A lovely, intelligent, thought-provoking film. Can the awakened vitality return to the dreamstate? Would he want to?::: OthersSome another films that reward deliberate viewing are The astrologer of Oz, About Schmidt, What thought May Come, Total Recall, All the Mornings like the nature (Tous leis Matins dud Monde), and, of course, many more.-Jed McKenna ::: About the Author"Jed McKenna is an American original." -Lama surely DasJed McKenna is the author of "Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing" and "Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment", published by Wisefool Press. Coming in 2005: "Spirituality X" and "Jed McKenna's Notebook". Visit WisefoolPress.com to pick up more.