At the start, I didn’t think much about the Reddit strike. I use Reddit often, but it wasn’t hard for me to just…not use it for a few days. “Yay, let’s strike! Anyway.”

But now, it’s really hitting me just how horrifying all of this is. Three times today I’ve tried to find an answer to some obscure question, found an answer on Reddit, and then been blocked from it because the subreddit was privated. Say what you want about Reddit being an unreliable source, but so much gathered knowledge is currently locked away, and it will be lost forever if Reddit collapses because of the changes. I keep thinking back to last year’s r/place. How beautiful that collaboration was. I even used it in class to try and justify the internet to a teacher, and she found it profoundly meaningful. And now this hub of culture that seemed so permanent last week feels like it’s on borrowed time. All of this history is both frozen in time and on thin ice. There’s nothing to replace it right now. Definitely not tumblr, with its search functions that feel downright malicious.

Maybe I’m just new, but I don’t think community can live on here like it does on Reddit. It can live, but it’s doomed to be nomadic. Posts cycle around for years but you’d struggle to find a specific one without using google. Here, we’re always going to be wanderers, shouting into the void, walking the same familiar tags. Hold onto your mutuals, because they’re all you have. But Reddit is both community and archive. You can find people there, find things, find decade old posts. There’s problems of course, but I think the toxicity is worth it for everything else that it offers. There’s wisdom on Reddit. We will lose so much if we lose it.

To the Reddit refugees. You probably won’t see this post, but if you do, welcome. It’s a mess here, but you can find some things if you’re patient.

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Dear Everyone,

I wasn’t sure whether or not I should write this, but as I’ve checked back in with my Tumblr account, I’ve come to realize that you guys deserve an explanation.

Yesterday, I finished my last written final exam. I’ve worked my ass off for the past five weeks and now I’m done. I’m not sure if I did well enough or if I screwed up, but all of that doesn’t matter right now because I am done. I’ve made it through. I’ve survived and now I’m (almost) free.

I wasn’t active much these past five weeks, I didn’t interact with some of the amazing work my mutuals put out and what’s to be found on my timeline, and I haven’t written anything in over a month. As someone who’s used to writing non-stop, it’s been hard and I’ve often felt like a failure because my head just wasn’t working the way I wanted it to. But then I realized struggling school and forcing creativity is just not something that’s going to help. Creativity has to come natural and if I don’t have inspiration, it’s of no use to blame myself for not being able to write or create something. I needed to realize that it’s a process that shouldn’t be and can’t be rushed in the ways I wanted it to, and that living for creating art for others is no way to live when I’m not enjoying it. So I’ve learned a lot about myself and where I wanted the work I do to go.

I’ve started on a journey to finding my essence because I’ve always felt like something was lacking.

I’m sorry to those who expected more of me, but my private life and school have drained the last of my energy and now that I’m done, I need time to recharge. That doesn’t mean I’ll disappear again, not at all, it just means that me prioritizing my mental health is something I deserve after burning all of my brain cells and giving more than I had for my education. And my mental health will always be more important than anything else, which a lot of you have told me too and it caused me to rethink some of the decisions I’ve made and how unhealthy they were.

It’s time for me to change in ways that will offer me the best life possible, and it’s a process I have to accept and work with. It’s crazy what five weeks of hell can do to you and how quickly it makes you mature.

I basically stared into the mirror and I hated what I saw, so trying to figure shit out now is important to me because I need to learn how to be myself and be independent for when the time comes and I need to be on my own. Which will be soon. And I want to figure it out because I’m not the type of person to just quit. I don’t want to quit, I want to keep pushing forward and I want to be the best version of myself I can be, flaws and all. I think that’s an important lesson I’ve learned.

I’m also terribly sorry to those who’ve been waiting for me to work on their requests. I didn’t forget, I just didn’t have the inspiration and the time to write. And I’m a perfectionist who likes to please others, too, so I didn’t want to write something half-assed and then disappoint you.

The time issue has changed, but the inspiration is still lacking and so I will try to find that creative bone in myself now that I can rest a little. I’m going to focus on myself to get back into the spirit of creating content because writing is my passion and probably the one thing that’s kept me sane most of my life. I don’t want to lose it. I need to practice a little and get back into it, and once I get my mojo back and I’m back to being myself not some depressed and stressed shell of the woman I was, I’ll come back to being as present as I used to be.

I might channel all the feelings and thoughts I’ve had over the past few weeks into words once I’ve figured out how to use them again. It might turn into some really good content. Especially the angst. Oh, I can’t wait for that. My fingers are itching, I just haven’t figured out how to work with it yet. That needs some time and peace, and I will grant myself that because I feel like I deserve it.

That’s another thing I’ve learned. I deserve to take care of myself, take time and grant myself some space and peace because I’m only human and I worked hard, so doubting myself is of no use. I deserve good things too. It’s like I’m growing up, almost, and I hate it as much as I love it because realizing all of this has made some things in my life easier to process.

Thank you to everyone who checked in on me, who shared their love and their support. It means the world to me. And to the over 400 followers I’ve noticed are now on my profile, thank you for entering my crazy world even though I haven’t been around much. I’ve never felt more appreciated. It makes me feel like my work still means something to people and that some of my writing still helps you guys in the same ways it helped me while writing it, and it’s this that gives me motivation to get back to writing. It makes me excited for the future. It makes me proud of myself for pushing through because I know it wasn’t worthless.

So thank you all for your support and I can’t wait to get back out there and just live my life. I can’t wait to write, to bring the faint ideas I have in my head to life and just interact with you guys again because that’s what makes this platform so much fun. I need good things in my life. I also need a vacation and lots of vodka, but that’s a talk for another day.

(Really, it’s a necessity I can’t afford, but I like to imagine I’ll be lying on a beach sooner or later with a cocktail in my hand and the sun shining down on my skin)

I love you guys with all of my heart and I lay my gratitude at your feet.

Yours truly,

Lizzi 🤍

Okay, so my fiction-reality kinship with Entrapta makes sense now.   Finally, several things in my life make sense now.   I’m not sure how I feel about it, but mostly relieved? Because it may mean some strategy-development.   Anyway, to stop beating around the bush, your friendly neighborhood Freed / Shadsie had a little chat with her senior psych doc (just a medication review and general checkup) and I discussed with him my suspicions about autism.  He asked me a few pointed questions, went through a few things with me and I’ve got a diagnosis.  I honestly didn’t think it would be that easy, I thought that there was some kind of a test or battery thereof, so maybe it’s less-official, but he said he’d jot me down as on the spectrum because I had enough solid traits and I think he can now confer with my therapist about strategies about figuring out social interaction.  He even said that my experience of a bit of mania coinciding with the heat waves (for my already long-diagnosed bipolar condition) might actually be related to autism...which I found interesting.  (Could also just be “It’s hot and I hate life” which everyone goes through, but I really have had high-energy and a feeling like I’ve needed to watch myself).  Anyway, I did cite “A TV character that I related to strongly” as being a bit of an awakening for me in terms of asking questions (as well as seeing materials online regarding signs that...really explain my entire life).  *Boom, points above* 

Entrapta, imparter of awakenings, savior of lives.   

Chrysalis riven by the absence of faith

Deceitful and bruised

I was a burning ember

Defined by such terrors

That could've made the most sinful soul shiver

My ashes were withering, fleeting and careless

Because her fire consumed every last shred of light

Painting asphodels as a bloodshed remark

Henceforth I believed that to be the purest form of love

But now I know that affection could've strangled me

If I let it slide inside my bones one more time

Because her lies were carved all over my veins

My blood once again on her hands

Crimson and spoiled

As if it became the sharpest of winds

Loathing the air that it grazed

And that chrysalis was then bent over fear

Murdered by the same hands that were supposed to secure it.

Apparently, my decision to be silly and make fanart of someone's writing (because I genuinely enjoy the story the person is writing and I was struck with inspiration upon reading a particular scene) has benevolent and wildly unforeseen consequences.

I apparently gained a bit of control of the canon because said writer really loved the art and decided what I drew/draw is canon.

2. Writer put said artwork into the document of his story right below the scene, so now it's IN the story where people who read the story will see it (with a link to me)

3. He sent the artwork to all his friends and people he knows because he was so excited

Wholesome interaction and I watched him do all that in real time, good stuff. However...there are two more consequences I was notified of today...nearly a full week after I gave the artwork.

Seeing the artwork caused his friends to become interested in reading and hearing about his story, which means more people are reading what he's writing and giving him critique on the story (which he actively asks for).

Apparently, upon seeing the art, his writer friends got a sudden second wind to pick back up writing they'd abandoned for a few months. Because, I quote, "seeing that someone enjoyed {his} writing enough to take the time to make art of it gave them the motivation that maybe THEY can write something that will inspire someone to also create something." I have accidentally caused a writing frenzy among his writer friends and my silly idea to make art for someone has had a butterfly effect for people who I don't even know.

Uhh...I'm pretty sure there's a moral here but I am tired and have a great deal of emotions about this.

I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them

People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human

“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”

“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”

“Yeah!!”

“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”

“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“

“How illogical”

“That’s what I’m saying!!!”

Mostly spoiler free summary of my viewing experience

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

me when the emotionally repressed character is revealed to have had something happen in their childhood that was completely out of their control but changed them in a way they can never come back from

how many languages do you know?

(i’m counting languages where you took one class for a semester if you retained any of it congrats you are a little multilingual)

(reblog for bigger sample size!)

Does anyone else feel more drawn to biomes that they didn’t grow up in? And not just because they’re shocking and new.

I’ve lived my entire life in temperate forest, about 45 minutes from the ocean, and I don’t have any particular love for either. They’re neat and all, but they’re just trees and sand to me. I’ve felt much more comfortable on my few trips to big mountains or deserts. I always hear about the love that people have for their home ecosystems, but not much about the places where people travel.

what is up with them and why am i loving it

I want to thank the Barbie movie, because not only it's going to be a masterpiece that will change my life, but it also made me realise that Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds are in fact two different actors

anthony is dead: the funeral roast (paid content)

You know what, fuck it. Let’s show some love for the “unpleasant” autistics.

For the autistics who are always accused of being angry or moody when all they’re doing is sitting there.

For the autistics who take everything literally and respond sincerely.

For the autistics who come across as “blunt” or “rude” for being honest.

For the autistics who are called “control freaks” for needing a sense of order and routine.

For the autistics who get told to shut up for infodumping about uncomfortable topics.

For the autistics who find it too exhausting to mask and pretend to be sunny and friendly.

“Unpleasant” autistics, I love you.