#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people
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Lewis Hamilton and George Russel - I'm with a Knight and Slenderman, No One Can Touch Me
It’s part 4 time! This was so fun to write and I laughed so hard at some parts. I feel like George is a really underrated driver. He’s funny and a good person (even though he looks like Woody from Toy Story). And the girlfriend effect has hit him hard. His hair is so beautiful and I need to know what he does with his bangs.
And then Sir Lewis – good Lord, he needs to go back to that one hairstyle from that one interview that made everyone fall for him
Specially dedicated to @treehouse-mouse <3
[TAG LIST IS CLOSED]
Like always, comments, questions, concerns, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated! Love you all <;3
“Shit,” you muttered as you looked around the now empty paddock. You knew that taking a nap after your media duties had been done was a bad idea. You had played nap roulette with yourself and were now paying the consequences. You shouldn’t have said “oh, I won’t set an alarm. Someone will come get me. I might nap for ten minutes or it might be 3 hours. Who knows!”
Well, now you knew. It was three hours.
You looked around for your backpack that you had come with. But as your eyes danced around the garage, it was nowhere to be found. You sighed as you at least remembered your phone. But alas, the world hated you for being a woman: your phone was dead.
“Ok, there’s no reason to panic. Let’s head to the parking lot and see if someone is still here,” you whispered to yourself. Walking carefully, you exited the dark paddock. The parking lot was no different.
Dark, cold, and empty.
“Great. Just great.” You decided to sit on a curb and wait. Maybe by now, Christian or Max would know that you are missing, and will come back to get you.
Or maybe they were mad at you. Yes, you were on the podium. As a rookie. At your first race.
But you made a mistake that costed the team a 1-2 finish. Maybe you didn’t deserve to be looked for.
Before your thoughts could spiral more, two bright headlights blinded you. You raised a hand to try to cover at least some of your face. The two front doors of the car swung open. Your heart started to race.
It was just you out here and they might be kidnappers.
“Please I have no money on me. Don’t beat me up or kidnap me. Trust, you do not want to sell me or anything like that,” you spoke out, trying to hinder their unknown wants for you. Your fear slowly melted away at a familiar grandpa laugh and bean-pole build of the two figures.
“Lewis! George!” You stood up quickly.
“What are you doing out here?” George peered down. Your neck was bent to even look up at him.
“Um. I might have been left behind because I was taking a nap. And my phone is also dead.” You sheepishly grinned at the two.
Lewis sighed before bringing out his phone. “I don’t have Christian’s number, but Toto does. Let me give him a call.”
Your head cocked. “Do you not have Max’s number?” George let out a laugh.
“Kid. Think of Abu Dhabi 2021.” Your eyes widened.
“Sorry.”
Lewis waved you off and walked a bit aways to hear Toto. George just kind of stared at you as you stared at him.
“Are you ok?”
“Of course I’m ok. I’m with a knight,” you pointed at Lewis, “and Slenderman. No one can touch me.” You crossed your arms before giggling. George just gawked at your boldness. You took this time to look at the nice Mercedes in front of you. “Is this the new model?”
George nodded. “Yeah, Lewis just got it. He won’t let me drive it though.” A pout formed on his lips.
“I get what you mean. Max won’t let me drive his Ferrari.”
“Why would you want to drive that junk?”
Your head tilted. “I don’t know. I like my Porsches better though.” It was George’s time to raise an eye brow. “I haven’t gotten them yet. But they’ll be ready soon. I had to ship one to London and the other to Monaco.”
“Ah.”
You looked at Lewis, who was still on the phone. You had an idea.
A very bad one, but an idea none-the-less.
“You wanna go somewhere?” You pointed at the still running car. Lewis should have taken the keys.
“Where would we go?” George was already grinning like the Cheshire cat.
“There’s a burger king a couple of miles away.”
George was already climbing into the driver’s side. “Let’s get going!”
Back with Lewis, he was still on the phone. For some reason, Toto would still not give him Christian’s number.
“Please Toto, I am with two children,” he pinched his brow, “and I’m tired and I’d like to get back to the hotel. So please send me Max’s or Christian’s number.” He wasn’t aware of his car that was now filled with said two children making their getaway. He hung up once he got Max’s number.
His phone rang for a few seconds before Max’s voice sounded over the background noise of a party.
“Who is this?”
“It’s Lewis. You left your kid here.” He heard Max curse on the other side.
“I thought Vito was getting her, but Vito is right at the bar. Can you send me your location so I can pick her up?”
Lewis waved a hand, even though Max couldn’t see it. “No worries, I can just drop her off. I’m with George and we’ll driver her over. I have my-” Lewis stopped.
“Lewis? Are you there?”
Lewis’ eyes scanned the now empty parking lot. He groaned. “They took my car!”
Max laughed for a bit before he realized that Lewis wasn’t playing. “Send my your location, I’m already out the door. We’ll find them.”
By the time Max got to Lewis, you and George were already having the time of your lives.
You pointed out the window. “Look Georgie. Traffic cones. Have you ever put one on your head?”
When George denied that he had, you gasped and told him to pull over. You and him climbed out of the low car and walked over to the traffic cones. By now, your phone was a bit charged, courtesy of the charger in the vehicle. And it was blowing up.
But you didn’t see it or care.
You picked up one of the cones and put it on your head. Your giggle resonated through it.
“Y/n, smile!” You heard George say. You smiled, even though it wouldn’t be seen under the orange hat.
George told you that he was going to set up the camera to take a picture of the two of you.
“Let’s put our heads together.” The two cones whacked against the other. George had to bend over so that they would be close.
You laughed as your hair was staticky due to the cone. George’s hair was the same, which made you laugh even harder. “Send that to me, I’m going to post in on the gram.”
The only notification you looked at was the one from George with the picture. Quicky uploading it, you knew you were about to create even more chaos.
The two of you decided to sit on the curb for a bit. Your thoughts from earlier quickly sprang into your head, due to the silence between you two.
“George?” you questioned, looking ahead. He was currently scrolling through his phone, but he made a noise to let you know that he was listening.
“What was it like having a teammate that you know you’ll never amount to? Not saying that you won’t amount to Lewis at some point, but,” you trailed off, not knowing how to continue.
The click of his phone let you know that George was now focused on the conversation.
“I get what you mean. It’s very overwhelming. You get put up with world champions, and people are already expecting you to beat records and perform as well as they do.” George sighed as he reflected on his first year with Mercedes. How the people would taunt that he wasn’t good enough to be Lewis’s teammate and that he should just be second fiddle to him. Suddenly, he noticed a hand had been placed on his shoulder. Tears also wetted his face.
When had he started crying?
You continued to rub his shoulder until his tears stopped.
You tried to console him. “Well, we can be second-fiddle buddies together?” you offered, hoping he would laugh. And he did.
The two of you decided to sit on the curb for a few more minutes. But at this point, you knew that Lewis along with Max were probably on their way to get you. You pulled yourself up, then held out a hand to George, who took it without second thought.
Before you knew it, the two of you were back in the car, just chilling.
“Look what Max and Lewis are saying.” You showed him the screen and laughed. It really was fun to mess with old men.
“Are we still going to burger king?”
You nodded your head. “If Lewis can be a knight, I need a crown to be the king.”
“Don’t you mean queen?” he asked as he started the car back up again.
“Nope.” You popped the P and that was a good enough answer. George pulled away from the side of the street and made his way to the Burger King. The two of you were thankful that it was mostly empty, except for the employees. The two of you ordered more than enough food for two people. You justified it as giving the workers more money.
Your companion went along with it.
“Order number 69,” the tired lady called out. George and you shared a look before the two of you collapsing on the ground, dying with laughter and probably exhaustion. You were still giggling as you took the food from the lady. You muttered a thank you before you and George took a table near the back.
“Did you get your slushie?” you questioned, holding your cup.
“I didn’t know they had slushies!”
You took George’s hand and let him over to the machine. The amount of slushies that you slurped down would never be recorded. As you drank one of your last ones, you suddenly remembered an important detail.
You looked over at the tired lady who took your order. “Do you have the crowns?”
Max was still constantly trying to reach you, with one hand on the steering wheel and his phone in the other.
“Come on kid. Pick up,” he pleaded and cursed when the call went to voicemail for the umpteenth time that night.
Lewis was texting all the drivers in the group chat, asking if they’d seen the two of you. They came up short.
“This is ridiculous,” Max seethed. “How could you have let them do this?”
Lewis shot him a glare. “How could you leave her at the paddock after dark?” he bit back.
“Like I said, Vito was supposed to take her back to the hotel. She’s not allowed in the clubs.”
“Then Christian should find some way for everyone to party. The kid got a podium her first race as a rookie, and she was left behind.”
Max banged his head on the steering wheel as they stopped at a red light. Lewis was correct. He wondered if you felt forgotten. Knowing you, you probably did. And it was mostly his fault. He’d talk to Christian about alternatives until you turned legal age.
“I’ll talk to Christian about that. What were you and George doing back at the paddock anyway?”
Lewis grimaced. “I forgot a file back at our garage. George seemed antsy and restless so I invited him. Never doing that again.”
Max smirked, “Kids. Am I right?”
“Look!” Lewis pointed at a familiar car in the parking lot of an empty Burger King. Max pulled in on two wheels. As they walked up, their eyes landed on two people, crowns on their heads, hands flailing.
Max pushed the door open and stopped towards the figures. His hands landed aggressively on the table. “Do you two know how much trouble you’re in.”
He heard laughing from behind him.
“Max. That’s not them,” Lewis whispered.
Max’s head jerked and saw the scared faces of two employees. He heard more laughing and whipped his head around, eyes finally falling on you and George, whose phone was out recording. You looked as if you were about to explode with laughter.
“I’m sorry about that.” He turned around and stomped towards your table. “Let’s try this again.”
His palms hit the correct table this time. “Do the two of you know how much trouble you are in?” He looked into your eyes before glancing at George.
You stared up at the seething Dutchman. You pulled out a french fry.
“Fry?”
“Lewis, I got you an impossible whopper.” George held out the wrapped food.
Max sighed, anger waning by the minute. There was no fighting with the two of you. The two adult-figures sat down and started to eat. Max munched on a fry as Lewis started to eat the burger.
You and George continued to talk about your so-called adventures.
“And then George ran a red light.”
Lewis choked as George winced. Lewis’s head jerked toward George, eyes squinting.
“You’re paying for that.” George only shrugged, he had enough money anyway.
Max just stared in silence, mulling over the exhausting night. You could sense that he was still cooling off, and you were scared of what he might say in the car.
The food was quickly finished and the four of you were headed out the door. It seemed as though yours and George’s energy levels were quickly tanking as the two of you barely said a goodbye. The hug and faux tears though were enough for Lewis and Max to roll their eyes.
You watched as George and Lewis left in the Mercedes. You gulped as you got into the passenger side of Max’s rental vehicle. You winced at the proximity.
You mind quickly went back to your dad. How he’d hit the side of your face if you did anything that was “out of line.” Or he’d pinch your thigh until it bruised. Those were the easiest to hide. When your face was a little too red and purple, your helmet stayed on for the entire race day.
Your eyes welled with tears at the thought of Max turning out to be like him. You didn’t think he would, but you were out of line tonight.
No fun. No sneaking out. No stealing (borrowing) cars.
You were sinking into yourself, and Max could sense that.
He turned to look at you. What he said next was shocking.
“I’m sorry kid.”
Your eyes bulged. “Why are you sorry? If anything, I should be on my knees begging for your forgiveness.”
Max just stared at you before slowly putting his hand near your head.
This was it. He was going to hit you and you’d have to live through everything again. You couldn’t tell Christian that his golden-child would do such a thing. And no one would ever believe you.
You jerked back as your eyes closed tight. Your body tensed, waiting for the repercussion to your actions. Your breaths got a little bit faster and shorter.
But it never came.
All that was, was a gentle placed hand on the top of your head.
Comforting. Loving. Cherishing.
Max wanted to cry as he saw how your body prepared for something horrible. Something nasty.
“Kleintje,” Max breathed out.
Your tears began to make their escape down the hills of your cheeks. You could only repeat and whisper I’m sorry, over and over again. Max couldn’t do anything but wait for you to calm down and maybe tell him what was racing through your head.
Your breathing evened out as you felt there was nothing coming. Soon you were embarrassed for thinking that Max, one of the only people to seem to care about you, would do such a thing. Yet, your mind always went back to your patterns.
People who should care, didn’t. Hands that were made for comforting, didn’t. Encouragements didn’t exist…for you.
Maybe you were the problem.
But, maybe you weren’t. You’d allow some comfort, just this once.
Max cooed as you leaned into his hand. He knew you were tired. A long day of racing and a long night of adventures would really do that to you.
He didn’t expect you to explain to so quickly. But you knew how to surprise someone.
“My dad and mom, weren’t the nicest. They wanted a boy, got me instead.” You harshly exhaled. “They put me in karting because if they had had a boy, they would have done the same. I was just a placeholder.”
Max listened, wanting to hear what you said.
“It started off small. A push here, a hit to the helmet there. I really didn’t think anything of it. Until I was about 7 and I crashed my kart on the last lap. I was going to win too, but I over compensated and hit the wall. All I remember after that race was my dad grabbing my wrist and yanking me to the car. I hit my head on the dash, I think. Or he was the one to push my head in.” You shrugged at the nasty memory, as if it didn’t matter.
Max on the other hand, was getting angrier. Yes, his dad did similar things, but he was a boy. He could stand up for himself. And he had his mom and sister.
You had no one.
“The next morning, I woke up and there was this giant bruise on my face and smaller ones littered my arms. I thought that was the end of it, except it continued. I was able to hide it pretty well. My race suit pretty much covered everything. I also didn’t have many friends, or, I just didn’t have friends. So there, wasn’t a need to worry. They stopped after I made it to the end of F4, because I was winning and there were more cameras. The moment I made it to F3 in 2019, they disowned me.”
He did the math. You would have been 16 at the time. Still a kid, but smaller. His heart broke for you.
“Kid, look at me.”
You turned your head and made eye contact. Your brows furrowed when you saw tears in his eyes.
He wasn’t supposed to cry. Why was he crying?
“I’m crying because no one should ever have to go through something like that.” Oh, you must have said that out loud.
You shrugged once again, “I probably deserved it.”
“No, geitje, no one deserves that. Ever. You didn’t.” You could only nod along. Your eyes were getting tired by the minute. Max could tell so he started the car. He only had one more thing to say. (translation : kid)
“My dad did similar things. But I had people to help me. And I know your dad isn’t around, but Y/n,” he said your name, trying to emphasize that he was serious. “I am here for you. Christian is here for you. Mitch is here and so is Vito. We love you. I’m not a good teammate, and you can see that I’ve gone through more teammates than anyone else has in the amount of time I’ve been here. I’m the only constant. But I think that we will actually work out. Best duo right?”
For the first time since Burger King, where you and him were still parked, he saw your eyes light up.
You nodded, “Best duo.”
Max finally took that as a sign that you’d be ok for the night. He carefully back the car out and started on the road toward the hotel.
“Do you think Christian will let me come to the club next race.”
Max let out a sarcastic laugh. “Definitely not.”
Your giggles filled the small space. Max’s heart swelled at making you laugh.
You’d be all right. He’d make sure of it.
AN: oh my gosh that got REAL depressing – I apologize. But, Max needed to know a bit more about your lore if he’s going to be able to fend off any unwanted visitors (FORESHADOWING). Anyway, I will see you all at the next chapter! Muah! Much love <3 – author :D
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You know, I love Seb (he’s the person who got me into F1) and I respect Lewis and his accomplishments but one thing I’ll never forgive them (and a lot of the older drivers, most already retired now) for is how they treated Max when he came into F1.
Yes, he might have been their rival but he was also a teenager, a literal child and gosh… I know Max probably doesn’t really care anymore but I still hurt for him sometimes.
Especially when you consider that he was the one paving the way for his generation. When Charles and Lando and George and everyone else came up a few years later they were welcomed as the youth, the future of the sport. Older drivers talking about their talent and how great it is to see them come up.
Max didn’t get that. He got shouts of “too young”, “too reckless”, “too… too much”.
So no, to me the only real grid dad (or maybe grid uncle is more fitting, idk) will be Fernando Alonso who said that some people are simply ready earlier than others and that Max should be judged on his performance in the races, not his age (paraphrased).
Fernando who has been an idol a lot of the younger generation growing up but also exchanged helmets with Oscar and Zhou, joked with Lando on instagram, talks Le Mans with Max and probably many more moments I’m forgetting about rn.
THIS.
Honestly, I don’t really get the Seb hype. He just has never given me good vibes. I didn’t watch during the RB days so maybe if I’d seen his golden era I’d have gotten attached but he has just always seemed…not likeable. Clearly a very driven, straightforward, intelligent guy, but something about him doesn’t sit well with me. Anyway rant over.
I’m not even going to talk about LH because…par for the course.
Yes, they were all mean to him. As grown men, too, how are you not absolutely embarrassed?! I get that he’s a kid and maybe you don’t want to hang out with him or confront the fact that you’re not the hotshots anymore but omg it’s a CHILD. (And Seb who made a bit of a meal out of being a bullying victim as a kid…I see you.)
No one else of Max’s generation would have survived the way they treated him, I stand by that. They all needed the support they got, and Max had none of it from his peers. I can’t see Max being the type who cared per se, because he was probably already used to being…not ostracised, but like…observed? And also because of how he grew up I don’t think anyone’s words could rattle him. But even if he didn’t care the grown men should have known better.
If I were Max I’d still be laughing about how bitter I made men in their 30s. Like “I couldn’t grow facial hair and y’all were running scared”. But I still think it must have been a pretty lonely few years until others his age started catching up.
I think Max was really lucky to have such a tight team (Christian, Helmut, Jos, Ray, GP) around him to insulate him a bit and stop him getting pushed around but the way these men tried it. (Toto I’m looking at your for the Jos phonecall.)
Yeah Fernando is the only one who I think was ready to embrace the new frontier as it were. But he is just kind of like that. I feel like he doesn’t feel his age is the disadvantage that most do, and that’s why he’s not so afraid of younger drivers. Like, his relationship with Max, Carlos, lando, George (nye buddies lol) and Zhou (literally just today saw a quote of him talking about how nice Alonso was to him, even Lance, he treats them as much as peers as he does his own generation, it’s cute.
Also, this is kinda random but I swear Nico and Max were kind of friendly in the early years? Max has known Nico a long time, despite the age difference (he said he remembered glasses Nico used to wear at like 7, and Nico once went out with his mum?), Nico was on the jet with Max on his birthday in…2017? And I think there’s a picture of Max having flown with some guys (including both Nicos in 2016) and for some reason I’ve always had the idea that Hulkenberg was his link to that whole crew? (Idk if this whole friendship is a headcanon but for some reason I feel like these two are/were kinda connected)
But yeah, agree. Grown men acting like little bitches. That generation I think was the last generation with real bitterness between the drivers, though. Idk you wouldn’t catch me being a jerk to a kid but I’ve never been terrified of a kid before so 🤷♀️
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Baby Monk {Osferth}
Summary: You save the Baby Monk from Finan’s constant teasing
Osferth x fem!reader
Word count: 859
Warnings: Nothing :)
“Finan, leave him alone.” Your voice sounded as you approached the two men. Finan could often be found poking fun at the warrior-monk, and to your dismay the ladder accepting it.
“Must you always take the fun out of it?” Finan asked with a groan, turning to face you. You smiled slightly, patting the man on the shoulder before nodding your head in the direction of the others who were setting up camp.
“Uhtred is looking for you.” You told the man, Finan leaving without another word. You turned your attention to Osferth, a small sigh slipping past your lips. “You shouldn’t let Finan mock you so much.” You told him, making Osferth look at you shocked. Normally when you would tell Finan to leave him alone, you would go after him and never give Osferth a second glance. It was no joke between the others that Osferth had feelings for you. The others found it entertaining, you thought it was cute when his face would burn bright when you would talk to him.
“It makes him happy.” Osferth spoke quietly, looking down to the leaves under his feet.
“Does it make you happy?” You asked, cranking your neck so he would look at you. “Osferth, just because others find joy in something, doesn’t mean you should always allow it.” You told him, giving him a small smile when he finally met your eyes. “Finan is a great man, and he finds humor where he can… don’t allow yourself to be on the wrong end of his jokes.” You turned to walk away from the man, leaving him to dwell on your words when he called after you.
“(Y/N)?” You hummed as you glanced over your shoulder at him. “Why are you being nice to me?” If your heart could shatter upon hearing mere words you were sure it would have.
“Us bastards should stick together.” You finally said, a small laugh leaving your lips as you offered your hand to him. “If I didn’t have Sihtric growing up… well let’s just say you have many people around that look at you like a little brother now, and I’m afraid I have been a little cold towards you.” You never knew how to take Osferth’s crush on you. Never had anyone looked at you with pink cheeks, stuttering over their words as they spoke to you. Your brother, Sihtric, found joy in the fact that someone had finally made you nervous, even if he was a Christian man. Sihtric hated the idea of marrying you off, it was his responsibility since you had no one else, but he also knew you had the soul of a warrior.
You had been alongside Sihtric your entire lives, and when he swore to serve Uhtred, you followed your brother. Finan had joined your little band of warriors after him and Uhtred had been saved from the slavers, and Osferth was the last to join. You didn’t have high hopes for the monk when he first joined Uhtred’s service, he had no experience with a sword, and had never witnessed a battle. You assumed he would have died quickly, but he surprised you.
“You haven’t been cold towards me.” Osferth told you finally, moving his hand from yours so he could situate the two of you so you were linking arms instead. “I just assumed you didn’t like me.” He told you truthfully.
“I’m afraid that is far from the truth.” you didn’t intend to say it outloud, but the words had spilled from your lips before you could take them back.
“Really?” The grin of his face was enough to make any woman weak in the knees.
“Yes, really.” You told him, a smile to match his falling upon you. “I’m afraid I’m not great with emotions.” You said, looking from him and back to the trees that surrounded the two of you as you walked. “So being around you has sometimes made me nervous.”
“I make you nervous?” Osferth asked, making you roll your eyes at his new found ego.
“If you’re going to start teasing like Finan, maybe I should stop intervening to save you the trouble.”
“Forgive me, (Y/N). I just can’t find it in myself to believe that a warrior like yourself would like a monk.” Osferth told you truthfully, his head bowing as he spoke. You pulled him to a stop, tilting your chin to meet his gaze as you smiled softly.
“I may not care for your God Osferth, but that does not mean I cannot care for you.” You told him, leaning up slightly and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Now,” You cleared your throat to admire his pink cheeks slightly. “The others are waiting for us.” You told him, stepping away from him to continue the walk back to the rest of the group.
Osferth watched you walk away, his mouth slightly agape. He could feel the heat radiating off his face, which made it even worse knowing he had to go back to face the others like this. “Come along baby Monk!” You called, not looking over your shoulder.
“Coming!”
#osferth#osferth x reader#finan#finan x reader#sihtric#sihtric x reader#uhtred#uhtred x reader#ragnar x reader#young ragnar#erik thurgilson#erik x reader#brida#father beocca#baby monk#warrior monk
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Family Day Out (Christian Pulisic x Fem!Reader)
WC: 1.1K
Warnings: none
A/N: wrote one to feed dad!puli nation 🤭 didn’t proofread this and since i wrote it pretty quickly it may not be that good, so apologies in advance 🙂 hope you guys enjoy and i’d love to hear your thoughts thru ask/reply/reblog 🫶🏻 apologies for any grammatical errors! feedbacks are highly appreciated 🤍
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On a Saturday afternoon, Christian brought your little family to the Pulisic Stomping Grounds. Your children, 6 year-old Luca and 1 year-old Lucia, were wearing their USMNT home kit with ‘Daddy’ and number 10 on their jerseys – Christian customized those jerseys and chose Daddy instead of Pulisic because he thought it would be cuter, and he was right.
Luca and Christian – and sometimes you – play all the time at home. Your house has a small football pitch in the backyard – sometimes Luca would bring his friends to play there. Luca already said he wanted to follow his dad’s footstep to be a professional football player, and both you and Christian are very supportive of his dream – especially Christian, he cried out of happiness the day Luca told him.
Luca is taking every advantage he has of having a professional football player as a father. He loves to watch every game Christian has played in and practices his techniques whenever he can. Christian is very proud of his son and tries his best to help him reach his full potential – no matter how tired he may be, if his son asks him to train him, he will do it in a heartbeat.
When he built the Pulisic Stomping Grounds, not only did he want people – especially kids who love football – to put the stomping ground to good use, he also envisioned him bringing his kids there and happily playing football together. Now the day he has been waiting for has come, and he couldn’t be more excited.
—
Luca was so excited to finally play football with his dad at the stomping grounds. Because your family doesn’t live in Miami, you didn’t get to visit it so often. Luca was the one who decided to wear the kit because he wanted to make it feel like actual training – he even begged his parents to wear the jerseys too, so you and Christian did.
“Come on, Daddy! What is taking so long???” Impatient Luca shouted from the front door.
“Okay, okay,” Christian grabbed the car keys and calmly walked towards the door, “let’s go, buddy.”
—
Finally arriving at the stomping ground, Luca immediately got out of the car and ran into the field. He had been holding his favorite ball all the way to the stomping ground, and once he got on the field, he started running and kicking the ball around.
“Mommy, Daddy, Lulu, let’s go!”
“Hey, don’t start without me!” Christian ran towards Luca and started playing with him.
Lucia saw her dad and brother and immediately went to join them. You were behind her and were ready to catch her – she just started walking so you were being cautious. Christian saw little Lucia was coming and as she reached his legs, he picked her up.
“Lulu, do you want to kick the ball?” Christian asked her, and she said “ball” in response.
He then held her close to the ground and walked her near the ball.
“Look, it’s the ball… Kick it around sweety!”
He then swung her little by little, made her feet touch the ball and was able to move it.
“Oh good girl! That’a a great kick!” He sounded proud.
You filmed it on your phone, and Luca was cheering at the back.
“Great job, Lulu!” Luca clapped his hands.
—
“Mommy… While Daddy’s with Lulu, do you want to play with me?” Luca asked you.
“I would love to! Come on!” You accepted his offer.
You love to play football – not professionally like your husband does, but you can definitely play – and you did some touch and passing exercise with your son.
Christian couldn’t help but pay good attention to what you were doing. He would throw some compliments and advice once in a while.
“Whoo, Mommy, nice touch honey!” – when the kids are around, he calls you “Mommy”.
“Look at that pass! That’s my son!”
“Try practicing more on your left foot!”
—
“Daddy!” Luca called his dad.
“What’s up, buddy?”
“I want to play with you now!”
Christian looked at you before agreeing – he wanted to play with Luca but only if you were okay with taking over Lucia during.
You nodded, letting him know it was good.
He grinned. “Of course! Let’s go, pal!”
He then handed Lucia to you, ran towards Luca and started playing right away. You and your little girl were watching the boys playing from the side, cheering them on.
—
That afternoon was a lot of fun. No one was around but four of you – your little family spent a really nice time there.
Luca and Christian were screaming and laughing a lot during, and they played for quite a while – they seemed to truly enjoy the game. Luca got to nutmeg his dad a few times and Christian would act like he was annoyed by it.
“Bud, stop doing that to me!” He jokingly protested.
Luca giggled – he was very proud of himself.
Not only that, Luca would tackle Christian and Christian would playfully fall to the ground.
“Ouch!” Christian groaned as he fell.
“Daddy!” Luca laughed. “Get up!”
When Luca finally scored a goal against Christian, he was beyond happy. Christian pretended to be disappointed at the goal, then praised him for it.
“Mommy, look, I made a goal!” Luca shouted at you to proudly tell you about the goal.
“What a shot! Good job, baby!” You cheered him on.
Christian came over to him to give a high five, but Luca ran into a corner flag and kicked it just like his dad did when he scored a goal against Mexico in Nations League semifinals. You and Christian were surprised then laughed it out.
“Hey, that’s my move! I taught you that!”
—
After spending some time there, it was finally time to go home. Your kids were exhausted but they had a great time.
On the way home, the kids fell asleep. Christian looked at the rearview mirror and smiled, admiring his babies.
“You had a lot of fun today, yeah?” You said.
“I mean, I got to spend time with my family at my stomping ground. Of course I had fun!” He excitedly agreed.
“So, what do you think of Luca?” You asked him.
“He is about to be a great player, even better than me.” He answered.
“That kid has a huge potential, honey. I’m very proud of him.”
“Right? Well he learned from the best.” You winked at him.
He chuckled. He then grabbed your hand and kissed it.
“I love you. And I love our family. Thank you for our wonderful and perfect kids, Y/N. They are amazing because of you.”
—
taglist: @pulisicsgirl @neverinadream @masonspulisic @swimmingismywholelife @chelseagirl98 @bracedes @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @lizzypotter14 @mortirolo @masonsrem
#christian pulisic#christian pulisic x y/n#christian pulisic x fem!reader#christian pulisic x reader#christian pulisic fic#christian pulisic fanfic#christian pulisic imagines#christian pulisic fluff#football imagines#football fic#football fanfic#football fluff
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As we enter Lent and many Christians are setting aside additional time for prayer and devotions, it’s a great time for Christian women to talk about head covering in the context of 1 Corinthians 11.
”Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God.“
1 Corinthians 11:1-16 ESV
If we read this carefully, we do not see any evidence that this passage was only meant for the church at Corinth. Paul specifically says “every woman” and “every man.”
The argument that head covering was the norm in Corinth also doesn’t make sense, as Paul refers to traditions being delivered to the church at Corinth by him. Why would he be delivering a local Corinthian pagan custom as a tradition? We also don’t actually have historical or archeological evidence that head covering was the norm for Corinth.
It’s also not specifically a modesty issue, as the instruction for women to cover is connected to the doctrines of headship and order of creation. If it were a modesty issue, instructing men to uncover wouldn’t make sense.
In addition, when we look at church history surrounding this topic, we can see that head covering was the normative practice for nearly every Christian church from the 1st century to the 1960s, when feminist groups like NOW pressured churches to end the practice and staged protests during church services, like one where women went to Communion, removed their hats, and left them on the communion rail.
So for about 1900 years, Christian women around the world covered their heads at least during church services and prayer, if not all the time. Then in the 1960s feminists decided we shouldn’t do that anymore.
I began covering my head during prayer a little over a year ago now. At first, I wore coverings during church and Bible study, and would also put them on for private prayer and devotion time. Now I cover almost full time, mostly because it’s easier and it encourages me to pray more throughout the day, rather than just at designated times.
If you are interested in exploring head covering, The Head Covering Movement has a lot of great additional reading and resources, and their Instagram is full of beautiful examples of what head covering can look like.
For getting started, I recommend wide headbands or nice bandanas/square scarves that are simple and don’t necessarily call attention to the fact that you are covering. Mantilla veils can be a beautiful option for church services and home devotions. I personally like bandanas and larger scarves like the ones from The Scarf Bar. But you can find what you like and what works for you!
I’m not here to guilt or pressure anyone into covering, but I feel the need to share what I have learned about it and invite the Christian women who follow my blog to read 1 Corinthians 11 carefully and listen to what Scripture says about it. Study it, study the church history, and pray about it.
And of course, please feel free to ask questions!
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It's very telling to see Max Verstappen, Christian Horner and Helmut Marko all talk about Redbull competition and specifically mention Charles and Ferrari as different entities.
All three of them have gone on record multiple times to state that their biggest threat/competition is Charles and then they'll make a comment about Ferrari failing to utilize him or a general comment about a Ferrari weakness eventhough a few minutes before they'll have praised Charles for the same thing they're now critical about.
Max multiple times has been asked about Ferrari and his thoughts on how much of a threat they are and every single time Max will start talking about Ferrari in general and then end up only talking about Charles and how he likes racing Charles because he's a great driver and he knows they'll both have a proper race fight.
Horner for some reason has risen in the Charles defender ranking during 2022. There was the Silverstone thing that was shown in DTS. There's also the two interviews after France22 when he was asked about Charles crash and Horner was very clear about it being a mistake and he knows Charles isn't a crasher.
Both Horner and Max in separate interviews said that Charles knows he fucked up in France and didn't need people bringing it up and telling him how much he messed up. They both were two of the only people (at first) to defend Charles in Monaco21 and we're adamant he didn't crash on purpose eventhough a year later they didn't keep the same energy for one of their own.
Marko has made some past comments about Charles that has haven't been nice however he's recently being giving Charles a lot of credit. He's the main one who'll separate Charles and Ferrari so he can shit talk Ferrari but be nice to Charles. It's very Jos Verstappen core, that man was ready to swing at younger Charles for the Inchident but will turn around and call him good competition and a smart driver. (I still remain curious about their conversation during the 1000th race)
There's a few interviews where multiple drivers get told either by interviewers or other drivers about some dumb fucking Ferrari fail and they always look so confused and then like 10 minutes later you'll see them talking to Charles in the media pen.
I mean it's not just Redbull, some time in 2019 Mercedes alluded to the fact that they built a strategy based on Charles because they presumed with him winning multiple races, being on multiple poles and having more points than Seb he'd get priority so they had a plan that required Charles being prioritised and the plan failed because Seb was favoured.
Wolff was praising Charles so often that enough people genuinely thought he had an ulterior motive and was trying to convince Charles to go to Mercedes.
Nothing against Carlos (or Seb) but it's very clear who Redbull and Mercedes would prioritise between them and probably have as first driver because he's the only one they see as competition.
Like you've got Horner and Wolff agreeing on something why on earth would you decide that they're not correct in their opinion. They never agree on anything but if they're coming to the same conclusion then clearly something is wrong on Ferrari's end.
#charles leclerc#max verstappen#main tagging the others for filters#christian horner#helmut marko#jos verstappen
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Oh no, seeing the traumatized and injured people of Gaza makes you uncomfy?
We can't have almost 60, if not more, family trees being wiped from existence, making you uncomfortable. No, we can't have that. Those bloodlines, generations burned off the face of the planet, how rude of of people lifting their voices, because you feel bad.
Here, let me fluff your pillows in your nice, warm, and safe bed. Do you need a snack, a glass of clean water. Poor you. You must be so uncomfortable hearing about all those people who are now the last person in their family, the last person who lived on their block. The children, all alone, hurt and scared. They understand horrors you couldn't even handle the sight of through a screen. Must be so upsetting to look that 6 year old in the eye as all he wants is his mommy and daddy back.
Poor fucking you. I hope you're uncomfortable. That's a good thing. That's that crumb of empathy deep down in your empty soul. It hurts for the people in Gaza even though you don't want to because you ride the dicks of propaganda. You fear picking up a fucking history book.
And no, it's not antisemitic to be against a corrupt government funded by other historically corrupt governments. It's not antisemitic to be against Genocides. Stop trying to weaponize morality.
"Oh, (Palestinians) are everything anti-(Jews/Israel), we should get rid of them. They're not even human. In the name of G/d, we should eradicate them. They brought it on themselves."
Now, isn't that argument familiar? Replace "Palestinians" with "Jew" and "Jews/Israel" with Germany or literally Europe. That was the argument Hitler made. He convinced Germany and the church to start the Holocaust. He claimed Jewish people were corrupting Germany and the Christian way of life. They were causing the stock market to crash, and they caused the Great Depression.
Obviously, that was wrong. It was obviously excuses to commit ethnic cleansing and Genocide. And that's what's happening now in Palestine.
Hamas is not in the West Bank, which is fact, but that isn't stopping Israel from murdering thousands. Every heinous air strike on a school or hospital that try and say "Oh their were like 5 members of Hamas on the roof."
Bullshit. You don't need an airstrike on a few guys on the roof of a hospital. Especially if you aimed for the lower levels of the building.
I am Jewish, and I am not antisemitic. I do not see this as a Judaism vs. Islam situation. This is a corrupt power-hungry colonies government vs. innocent people.
We were not supposed to even be settled there yet. No messiah = no return to Jerusalem. This is just a fight over power and land, and I'm tired of the excuses being "Jews," "Judaism," "Jerusalem," "Judea," "Antisemitic," etc... because that's a stupid and horrible excuse.
How often throughout history has religion and culture been the excuse to try and kill us, to keep us in ghettos, to make us carry identification to show we are Jewish. Do you not realize Israel turned around and did the same thing to Palestinians? Before and after WW1, Jewish people lived peacefully in Palestine alongside Islamic peoples and Christian peoples. During WW2, Palestine protected Jewish people. But then, after everything England and the Israeli Colony pushed 20,000 Palestinian peoples into a tiny space (basically a fucking Ghetto) and to enter Israel they have to carry papers and Identification to show they are Palestinians.
I don't understand how people don't see the sad irony in all of this. It's heartbreaking. And I'm so tired of excuses.
Those children didn't provoke anything, it is Palestinian's home, it was colonization, and it's not religious or civilians' fault. It is those in power, it's those with too much power, too many funds, and too many weapons.
Free Palestine, free the children before there are none.
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Speaking as an embalmer, I'm also skeptical about the scrimshawed skull. Though admittedly not my skillset, the removal of skulls being more of a taxidermy thing and not something generally practiced on humans except in the context of medical schools, I'm really skeptical about someone's ability to preform the required tasks one the body of a friend to get the skull out of the skulls. Few enough modern embalmers are even comfortable embalming their own family. I find it really hard to think that someone would be able to remove all the skin from the outside AND the brain from the inside of a skull of their friend. And even if they were able to emotionally, I'm not sure that they'd be able to practically accomplish that while out at sea. But like I said that's more in the realm of taxidermy so I couldn't say.
The line that goes around the skull on which the ship is sitting is looks like what you would expect from a cranial autopsy, but that's usually done with electric tools. Not sure about how or even if iit would have been done like that in 1868.
I'd also be really interested in how the top portion of the skull was reattached.
In short, I think you're right to doubt its authenticity.
Hopefully this hasn't been too weird or creepy. I find my ability to judge what others might find unsettling isn't as great as it used to be before I started studying this stuff.
Oh, and if you're interested in beautifully decorated skulls the Hallstatt Ossuary is absolutely gorgeous if you ever have the opportunity to visit.
Hi,
first of all you don't sound creepy at all- I like that because I'm not an embalmer but a sepulchral archaeologist I work with mummies and the dead of all kinds. So hello mate ;) And yes, I know the Hallstatt skulls, I've even worked with them.
I agree with your objections, but let me tell you, whalers were very good at taking whales and other animals apart and processing their bones. And with a surgeon on board, a clean opening of the skull was no problem, which by the way has been around since ancient times, albeit with saws.
Whether one was emotionally capable of removing the skull of a comrade, cleaning it and boiling it is another matter, and at that time the moral concepts were again very Christian and conservative, so it is difficult to imagine that one would have done this to a comrade, especially since what were the men planning to do? To bring the skull to the poor mother or widow and say - well, unfortunately he didn't make it but here's the rest of him, even decorated, you can put him on the fireplace, was nice to meet you ma'am have a nice day-. Not really - but well ... sometimes ... Well, let's not go there, it just sounds too weird.
It's hard to imagine, but collectors at that time had completely different ideas and walked over dead bodies (in the truest sense of the word) to get a great story and a great exhibit, even if they bought a skull and had it decorated by a Sailor or Whaler. So I assume the latter. But a good story sells well and brings in a lot of money. And the Victorians were strange as hell and very morbid, death was something quite fascinating for them and was already blooming in very weird ways. I'm just saying mummy unwrapping parties, memorials of the burial site made of hair and teeth of the dead etc.
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Story about Vlk’s Backround and some of her time in hell. It’s a bit messy and jumps around a bit but it’s all I could manage.
Vlk
Vickey snarled in rage as the cop drew his gun. Mary had been shot already and had fallen back, leaving Vickey alone with the two officers. She held ‘her’ captive tightly by her wrist before making an inarticulate noise of fury and throwing the girl at the officers.
“There. F—kin give me my kid back!” She spat. “Both of em.”
The first officer pulled the teen behind her and directed her outside of the house while the other kept Vickey at gunpoint.
“You aren’t getting them back.” He growled darkly, eyes narrowed and body tense.
That wouldn’t do. “I am.” She sneered. In a moment her dagger was free from her boot and she was charging the officers. Two shots rang out, she dropped.
Her breathing was ragged for a few moments before it stilled and she went limp.
The new officer carefully crept forward and poked her with a foot while his partner kept her at gunpoint. She didn’t move. Their guards dropped slowly and the man lowered his gun. Vickey’s eyes flicked up. She grabbed his ankle and yanked him to the ground, slashing his throat with her knife. There was a boom and she blinked.
The world around her was a hazy red, a pentagram above. Around her were screams and gunshots and honking. It was all too much. Carefully she examined her surroundings and came to the grim understanding of where she was. Hell.
Hell was a lot like the world of the living: taxes, rent, overpriced apartments, jobs, the whole shebang. Sure it was a little more violent than earth was but she didn’t mind too terribly. She was a sinner, she knew it. With all the lives she had taken, things she had stolen, and people she had hurt, she knew her good acts couldn’t make up for it. But that was okay.
She fit in decent enough and had recently secured a job in a club, making a pretty penny dancing. She knew how to woo men and women alike, she knew how to manipulate people to get the most from them and these being degenerates only made it easier. After all, it was easier to convince a sex addict to blow some money on a lap dance than it was a good Christian.
Of course she looked different but the tail was nice to have (good for balance on the poles) and the fur hid a majority of her scars from life. The self inflicted ones did hurt now though, which sucked. Mostly because she could never feel pain so having it now was odd and uncomfortable. Luckily, new wounds or blows still didn’t hurt. The one scar that wasn’t hidden was on her back, it was new. She guessed it to be the exit wound of the bullet that killed her. She had another on her hip that was barely visible where one of the bullets had entered and (presumably) shattered her hip. The one lodged in her collarbone was hidden by fur: as were the ones Mary and victims had inflicted on her.
Along with her differing appearance she sported a new name, Vlk. She wanted to leave her old life behind her. She wanted to forget it ever existed. Mary, her partner and the love of her life, was immortal so despite their sins they wouldn’t be joining her down here. And Lilith, her adopted daughter and everything, was far too sweet to be sent down here. She’d be in heaven where she belonged. Layla would probably join her eventually but the two never got along and would probably stay their separate ways. That being said, she had no ties to the living and wanted it to be striped from her completely. New look, new name, new job… new life.
Speaking of her job she had recently caught the eye of a moth demon. He spoke in an accent that annoyed her and the way he talked to her was the way she talked to others she was trying to manipulate into bed. Even still she went along with it, played his game, and took the money he offered. The propositions to join him at his studio didn’t take all that long to start. He said she’d make a great actor. And she would. She acted with Mary all the time when the god wanted her. Her lack of being able to feel pain and affinity to blood was also a great thing to have with some of the kinks these demons had. He offered her a nice paycheck and, to sweeten the deal, a paid apartment. She happily took him up on the deal even if the apartment was sub par.
The movies were rough and she was bored of this but it wasn’t like she wasn’t used to it. Mary played these games too. She could suck it up. She made Valentino plenty of money, even not being the most popular she was the most versatile and could be used in pretty much anything he needed. The variety was nice, though not nice enough to keep her entertained for long. Sex was never something she liked all that often, even if she was good at it. And she was. She knew exactly what to do and how to cater to individuals, how to read signs and adjust based on them. She could easily figure out if someone was dominant or submissive with a simple conversation and, much like her partner in life, often used that to her advantage.
What she couldn’t figure out is why Valentino was so interested in one of the other actors, a demon named Angel Dust. He was probably the most popular by far. Vlk could understand the attraction but why did Valentino care for him so deeply? Why was he the favorite toy? For a few months Vlk had assumed the feelings were of jealousy, that she wanted to be the favorite like she was with Mary. But after a while she had come to learn that she didn’t care if she was the favorite. She’d really rather not be. What she was feeling was… concern? Concern for a grown man, a sinner, a willing pornstar. That had never happened before and it caught her off guard. Maybe it was because he so clearly didn’t want to do some of, if not all, the things he was made to. Maybe it was because he was trying to get better, something all the demons at the studio knew of and mocked him for. Maybe he reminded her of herself when she was helpless and scared. Whatever the reason she was concerned about him. Everytime he had to cover marks in makeup or the limp he so desperately tried to hide after a long night.. it all worried her. It made her angry? At her boss.
But dwelling on it brought up confusing feelings and she was never one to try and deal with those. She’d rather pop some painkillers or sleeping meds and just check out. Not that she had any sort of drug to ignore the happenings about her— they were too expensive and she was trying to avoid overdosing… again. So she didn’t get any. She just learned that if she went into work and worked full force she’d eventually forget her feelings. And when she was under a certain rough moth she tended to blank on those feelings too. She was quick to become a stand in for Angel. When the spider was at the hotel she was the one called on. She made a point of putting on a show, slowly drawing Valentino’s attention away from Angel Dust. When she saw the overlord was getting antsy and clearly yearning to sink his grimy little claws in Angel, Vlk would approach the moth seductively, keep his focus on her, and (unfortunately) eventually bed him.
Angel seemed relieved that he wasn’t used as often and his thankful face the first time he realized what Vlk was doing did make her feel a bit better about doing it. He had smiled. The first time she had seen him do so without his fake and gaudy persona. It was beautiful. She shot him a sympathetic smile back before the door closed and she was left alone with the stupid moth again.
Let it be clear: despite her not hating him, she did not like Valentino. He was everything she hated in a person but she couldn’t bring herself to feel that strong of an emotion towards him. She was indifferent to his existence. She’d rather he didn’t exist, sure, but everyone would rather that. Except maybe Vox and Velveete. She wasn’t special in that regard. Unfortunately, when the wall blew down and raiders rushed the studio Vlk was put in an interesting position that made it seem she had a lot more loyalty to her boss then she truly did.
Val had been with a young teen. A hellborne. Vlk didn’t like that one bit but she had been restrained before she could bite off her boss’s head. When the attack happened it was clear who the gangsters were going after and Vlk panicked. The teen, Harley, had been immediately thrust in front of Valentino as a human shield. She was vulnerable and terrified and that look… it was just a quick moment as they made eye contact and Harley seemed to beg for help. Vlk couldn’t say no to such desperation. She had leapt forward, form shifting in and out of focus as she dashed between the attackers and dispatched them one by one in a matter of seconds. Limbs were torn off, heads were the wrong way, and several fallen bodies had chunks torn out of them or bite marks littering their skin. When the noise settled and Vlk had calmed enough to return to her neutral form she had immediately rushed towards Harley and blurted, “Are you okay?!”
“Thanks to you I am.” Valentino had cooed, tossing Harley aside and grabbing Vlk’s face roughly. “You’re the only one that stayed to protect me. How sweet.”
Vlk struggled in his gasp but couldn’t pull away. Her eyes darted to Harley and she relaxed as she saw the teen slipping into a robe and mostly uninjured. Their eyes caught again. She was okay, if not a little terrified. She flashed Vlk a shaky, thankful, wave and skittered off, leaving the fox demon alone with Val.
A new proposal. Better pay. Less sex. She would spend most of her day acting as Val’s personal body guard and, on occasion she’d have to do a few movies. She accepted almost immediately. A body guard was a pretty nice job, if she had to say so. And getting to let off steam like that was an exciting prospect. The agreement was made but no deals were formed. Vickey had made a deal with a demon once. She knew better than to do it now that she was working with real and powerful demons. As a bodyguard she was working alongside a few hell hounds. But she didn’t mind that. They seemed alright. Another bonus was that Val had made Vlk to escort Angel to and from the hotel. She was pretty sure it was to make sure the demon kept coming back to work but Val insisted it was to ‘protect him’ and ‘keep other whores off of him.’
The reason this was a bonus? It helped Vlk get to know more about Angel and the hotel. She liked its premise. She liked that he fought so hard for betterment. She would ask his progress on their walks and encourage him when he seemed down. A few times she had carried him back to the hotel after particularly rough nights. He had complained at first but eventually just accepted it so long as no one from work or the hotel saw. The poor guy had fallen asleep in her arms once, grimacing in pain every time she jostled him.
The familiar circumstances were not lost on her but she had also promised to forget Mary and thus pushed those thoughts and feelings aside. She was just helping a friend. At least.. she hoped they were friends. She hadn’t really made any in a long time. Harley and her were getting there but the younger seemed a bit scared of her. Fair enough.
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For the writing prompts can I get uhhh
One lot of Elmer and JoJo being best friends please
I am fine with anything abt those two but if you need smth more specific I love the dynamic of Elmer being atheist and JoJo being Christian but they're still best friends
One lot of Elmer and JoJo being best friends and causing problems on purpose! Thank you for the prompt! I hope this is okay :D
“I have an idea.” Elmer said, and that sentence alone was enough to drag a groan out of JoJo.
It would be unfair to say that all the trouble they got into landed squarely on Elmer’s shoulders alone, but he could unload about a solid eighty percent of it to him. JoJo just wasn’t a fan of causing problems, primarily because he knew he’d get a lecture from the nuns when they inevitably got wind of it, which he could account to Jack apparently, based of the raised eyebrow and knowing smirk he gave him last time when JoJo met his eyes over the Sister McGonagle’s shoulder as he’d finished his morning coffee.
That was embarrassing, and he wasn’t due a repeat for at least another week or two but tryna keep Elmer in line that long was more difficult than the other boys gave him credit for. Davey had once called him an enabler but JoJo wasn’t sure what that meant so he didn’t think it was true.
Elmer was real persuasive when he wanted to be, and Jojo was easily persuaded. It was just a bad combination but one that was impossible to tear apart.
“What?”
“Well, y’know how Davey has a ma an’ pa n’ all.”
This was going somewhere it probably shouldn’t.
“Yeah. What about it?”
“I says we get ourselves invited over for dinner huh? I bet his ma’s a real good cook.”
Jojo frowned. “Ain’t you got a mother?”
“Well, yeah, but I also got a million brothers, ain’t like there’s alotta food left for me by the time they all gets to it.”
“That’s fair.” He had to concede.
JoJo weighed up the consequences, cuz it weren’t like they’d be doing anything wrong persay, maybe pestering Dave a little but that wasn’t anything the other boys didn’t do on a daily basis, nothing that either of them could get in trouble over.
“So what’s the plan?” He asked and Elmer grinned.
“We just gotta be real nice to him all day, maybe throw in a line or two about how we ain’t been to a friends house in ages.”
JoJo was unimpressed.
“You think that’s gonna work?”
“Definitely.”
JoJo stared at him for a moment, assessing, wondering why the couldn’t just ask him if they could come over (Dave was a real decent guy) but Elmer just smiled at him again before he spat in his hand and held it out.
“It’ll go great. An’ I heard his big sister makes dessert sometimes.”
And Elmer shoulda led with that part, cause really that was all JoJo needed to hear.
They shook on it.
xxx
JoJo knew that Elmer wasn’t the most subtle person he ever met but this morning he was laying it on thick, Davey had barely got his papers when Elmer, from across the distribution centre, decided to start enacting his plan. Loudly.
“Hey Davey, yous real smart y’know that?”
David looked up from where he was counting his pile of papers, and he wasn’t the only one either, Jack at his side instantly narrowed his eyes, and Racetrack took one of those long drags of his cigar, mouth curling up to a smile around it as he glanced between Elmer and Dave.
“Alright.” Jack said and moved toward them, dragging David behind him by the upper arm despite his protests characterised by an eyeroll and then acceptance of his fate. “I’ll bite. What have you done to Dave?”
Elmer put that look on his face, the one that was pretending to be offended, so obviously fake because they all knew what his real offended expression looked like when they made fun of his selling.
“What? I can’t compliment Dave without an uh-“ he paused. Jojo just stared at him.
This was a sinking ship.
“Without a- what do you call those things? The motivater or somethin’”
David raised an eyebrow. “An ulterior motive?”
“Right yeah that. I can’t compliment you without one of those?”
“Not in that tone a’ voice you can’t.” Jack interjected.
“What tone a’ voice?”
Ah this was Jojo’s turn to interject before he dug himself a bigger hole he wouldn’t be able to climb out of so easy. He winced a little and shrugged apologetically. “You do have a voice.”
The betrayal in Elmer’s eyes was almost enough to make Jojo retract the statement.
“I thought we was in this together.”
“Okay, in what together?” Jack said. “What are you doing?”
“Actually nothing.” Jojo said. “An’ I know you ain’t gonna believe me but it’s Gods honest truth Jack and I wouldn’t ever lie bout that.”
What could he say it was his duty to protect his friends from their own dumb ideas.
Jack frowned. “You wouldn’t.”
“Me neither.”
“We all know you don’t believe in God Elmer.”
“Yeah. Well. You gonna hold that against a guy?”
“Okay, whatever it is I want it done now alright.” He clapped a hand on David’s shoulder in a way that made him lurch forward a little and then accept it as Jack swayed him back n forth, it reminded Jojo vaguely of the cat that Elmer had found a couple weeks back and kinda just held, hands under his two little front arms as the rest of him hung, swinging gently. “Dave’s got exams comin’ up, he don’t need to be dealin’ with your pranks as well.”
“We would never.” Elmer said, indignant, and Jojo found himself nodding sombrely in a agreement, even if their last prank on David had gone off without a hitch and had left him covered in flour.
“Yeah.” Jack said, in a voice that meant he definitely didn’t believe them. “I believe you.” He swayed David once again who just sighed and let it happen. “I’d watch your back Davey, y’know what they’re like.” He concluded and slapped him once, with enough friendly force to jolt him forward again and then turned away, wondering back to Race.
David stayed stood in front of them, an expectant look on his face.
It was JoJo that broke the silence eventually.
“You’re like a cat.” He said.
He always liked saying what was on his mind, apparently Elmer wasn’t fussed on his honesty.
Elmer elbowed him, voice low and hurried, “Jo that ain’t a compliment.”
“Only if you don’t like cats.”
David just looked confused.
Elmer for some reason, kept talking, apparently trying to pull this back. JoJo had already given up the act of trying not to seem suspicious.
“You like cats Dave?” Elmer asked.
“I like cats.”
“Then take that as a compliment.”
“You sure you have no ulterior motive?”
“None.” Jojo said before Elmer had the chance, and grabbed his arm, because at this point it was best to quit while they were ahead and he knew it was ironic that arguably the least harmful plan Elmer had come up with in a while was the one that got them caught before they even got to actually enact any of it. “Anyway if that’s all Davey we real best be headin’ on, the nuns said they was expectin’ us cause I forget somethin’ in church n’ told em’ I’d finally drag Elmer with me and you really shouldn’t leave a nun waitin’ it ain’t proper.”
And then he was pulling Elmer away before David even got the chance to respond because this plan was a bust, and if he was gonna be petty about it, he never thought it was a good plan to begin with.
“You’re dumb.” JoJo said, as they shuffled their way out of the distribution gate
“You’re dumb.”
“You’re dumber.”
“I got a new plan though.”
For the second time that day Jojo groaned, he already knew what his answer was gonna be.
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Are you all caught up on the OC finales? What did you think?
I caught up today! I thought they were fine to really good!!
Med was really solid. Surprising no one I'm absolutely heartbroken that Will is leaving but I'm glad he went out in typical Will fashion, had a really nice scene with Sharon at the end, and we got Manstead endgame. Liliana and Dr Charles are back together! They're so flipping cute, I love that for them. Dasher are doing Dasher things, I had to LOL when Hannah was like HARD NO about dating Archer and he was so offended. I think Med's gonna return to somewhat normal next season, probs the first half will be dealing with whoever buys the hospital and convincing them to turn it not-for-profit again. The only question marks for me are whether Maggie and Dr Song stay. I think if they continue to do O.R 2.0 things, Dr Song will, and I think they've left it a bit open for Maggie depending on Marlynne's health and what she decides. I was a little surprised they didn't address it more in the finale about the possibility of her leaving since the episode before made it feel like much more of a sure thing. A solid episode!
Fire was... kinda meh if I'm being honest. Like it's not unusual for me to multi-task while I'm watching tv, but I still pay attention to what's happening with the plot, but I was dicking around on my phone while watching Fire and kept realising that I was fully not paying attention to what was going on and kept having to go back and rewatch. Like, it just felt like lots of talking ha ha. I think where we go from here is super dependent on whether Taylor comes back next season or not. Feels like they're setting up Carver and Violet, which I'm not against, but haven't fully let go of Carver in his feels over Stella either, so if T.K doesn't come back and Stellaride break up (BIG IF NO ONE THROW TOMATOES) they might continue to pursue that as well. I'm more and more on the Stella/Carver train (NO ONE HATE ME) so I'm super fine with those angsty looks he's sending her lmao. Super here for the little friendship between Kylie and Ritter and very keen for Kylie to become the new candidate (that has to be where this is going). Sylvie's adopting the baby, yay for her I guess, I mean, like I said in another ask, I'm pretty sure I know this is heading for a Kara exit, which I'm not opposed to, so I'm just very.... okay? about this storyline. It feels rushed, but it's fine, and I get a Brettsey endgame (probably) so fine. And Mouch... maybe I'm stupidly optimistic but I don't think he's dying. I think Christian is leaving the show, but I don't think Mouch is dying. Idek why tbh. It's a bit anticlimatic if he does die tbh. Like he didn't even get shot, it was a random piece of shrapnel. Idk, I think he'll probs survive and then retire. Maybe I don't think they'll kill him because it would mean that PD also has to change Trudy's characterisation over on that show. Like imagine her husband dies and they never even mention it on PD 💀💀💀
PD was the best episode imo. The pacing and writing was great, even though I'd seen bits and pieces of it already online I still felt drawn in by it and I really felt the tension. I felt like Adam, Kim, and Kevin all got to shine. Hailey and Voight not so much, sad for Hailey, get fucked Voight. Absolute snaps for Kevin getting to shoot that racist mother fucker, and I know he's just a kid but lmao fuck Callum. Fuck his mum too and I hope she goes down for some of this shit. One of my only question marks is why Torres wasn't in the ep? I can't tell if it's a weird writing choice to keep leaving him out of episodes or if the actor has some sort of other commitment keeping him from being in every episode, but I feel like they either need to commit to his character being part of the team, or drop him and bring someone who will be around all the time. Burzek slayed as always, inject that moment of Kim on the phone and absolutely sprinting to get to Adam into his veins. Kim in the ambulance, and at the hospital, "Are you his partner", "You're with Adam" "I'm with Adam" yeah girl you tell that bitch. You ARE with Adam. I mean, as with every other Burzek shipper I'm annoyed that they clearly filmed a Burzek scene at the hospital and then cut it. I hope they release it as a deleted scene at some point bc I need it. I've seen the theory that they cut it because it shows Adam's alright and Paddy might leave the show.... I mean.... maybe? I doubt it. It's more likely they cut it bc the show has a hard on for Hank Voight and wanted to end on him. I think it would have been a better ending to end with Burzek because it would have been a really full circle, cyclical ending from where they started the season, and the episode, but, what can you do? I'm sure someone will write the fic. Still, despite all that, a really great episode and end to this arc.
Sorry, this got long but yeah, those are my thoughts. Med 6/10, Fire 4/10, PD 8/10.
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I have my first date with a new guy tomorrow and it’s looking very promising and hopeful. If this turns into a happy ending I want this story documented as much as possible in real time so I can look back and see what the Lord has done.
How the date came to be
For the past 4 years a family from the church I grew up in has been hosting an annual Christmas Eve breakfast for a group of now young adults who grew up in that church together. 2022 was the first year I was invited to attend by Demetrius, and I was honored that he thought of me and extended the invite. At first I was reluctant to go, as I knew the guest list wasn’t exactly full of my favorite or close people, and I was worried that attending would drain me more than it would give me life. But I knew that I would like to have somewhere to be that morning, I’d enjoy preparing some food to take (a cinnamon roll casserole), and I wanted to meet Kim’s new boyfriend, Michael since I’d heard good things about him through Katie. All of this added up to deciding to go and bring my dad with me.
It was nice getting to mingle and have small catch-ups here and there with everyone. At one point I was talking with two of the dads about the woes of Christian dating. One of them asked me if I was dating at all, to which I responded, “I’m not actively seeking that out, but if the Lord wants to put someone in my path that meets my standards then I’m open to it.” HA.
As the group size was winding down I made it a point to have a one-on-one conversation with Michael, asking him questions about his background and what his life looked like at present. We talked about serving in youth ministry and traveling and growing up in church. I enjoyed my conversation with him and he seemed like a great guy. The only thing he said that I didn’t like was how he’d given up his free time and hobbies once he started dating Kimberly, claiming that it was “all worth it.” Not for me and sounds unhealthy but who am I.
Fast forward to the next week, I’m sitting at home on New Year’s Day and get a text from Kimberly.
My initial response to her was, “Tbh I’m kinda torn because I don’t know if I want to try dating right now?? But I’m always open to meeting new people! Can I think about it and get back to you in a few days?? Also can you tell me how old he is LOL. I love that her boyfriend, who only chatted with me for maybe 15 minutes, picked up on my personality and life context and thought of one of his friends. What a guy.
A week later after a blind date with a different guy (who was 10 years older than me and annoying to be around), I texted Kimberly and told her if Michael’s friend, Josh, was open to being set up then I was down to meet him! She tells me they’ll talk to him and half an hour later I get a text: “alright he’s interested. He probably won’t text tonight because it’s late but soon.”
The next afternoon I get my first text from Josh!
I love how straightforward and soon he was, and within an hour we had set a date at one of my favorite brunch places! He said he was looking forward to it and it made me realize how much I was too.
He texted me two days later to start the “getting to know more about you until our date” conversation that went on slowly but continuously for 4 days. It was good and hard because I didn’t know what to ask him about that I would’ve preferred to chat about in person with him! I suggested a phone call on the evening of day 3 and he said he’s “actually love to.” I love that he uses real, genuine expressions of interest!
Our first phone call lasted for two hours! When he first said hello + my name I knew this was going to be good. He has a kind and smooth voice that sounds thoughtful and real. He asked me great questions, kept the conversation going, and it was easygoing and felt like we’d been long lost friends. I feel like we’re cut from the same cloth, have good community and friendships, and that we are both living our lives intentionally for the Lord. I truly could not ask for anything better. He said he was really excited about meeting me on our date and I said the same. *melts*
I immediately called my friend and mentor Mrs. Donna after we hung up to tell her about it, how solid and great he sounded and how much my excitement had grown. I told her that it’s going to be the fight of my life to not get ahead of myself here and with him, especially with how great he sounded, and she also advised me not to fall too hard or too fast, and to just enjoy every moment.
Man I’m going to try so hard. Man I hope this is it. Man it feels good to feel this way.
The next morning I wrote out a liturgy in my prayer journal titled “A Liturgy for Feeling Butterflies Around Someone” along with a few short prayers of my own.
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Hi. I come again to seek for your help since you're very nice and warm and I trust you. That doesn't mean I expect you to have the answer to everything, I just need some guidance, whatever you can offer will do me good. I have been having a problem having faith, trusting and believing. It's mostly because I don't feel capable of anything good and I know there are no impossibles for God, and I should just believe, but I don't know how to get past it. I guess my question is, how can I believe?
It's probably a dumb question, I know, but I don't know what to do or think or say anymore.
Have a beautiful day, and thank you
I think sometimes when we get in that place, it’s best to clear our minds first and go back to the basics. Grab your canon Bible, open to the Old Testament of Genesis. Read very slowly from the very beginning. As you read a little about each verse of how God created the universe that we know, look at pictures online of nature, animals, the stars. The beauty of the universe was created by God so we can be in awe and see how wonderful His love is all around us. I could go down rabbit holes easily of how epic nature is, the details discovered over the years from new planets, so ultra violet light, the wings of butterflies, the power of volcanos, the depths of the oceans, rainbows, and then, us! After you read a bit of Genesis, hop on over to one of my favorite verses. Isaiah:
“For the director of music. Of David. A psalm. You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.”
- Psalm 139:1-18
Once you do that, skip right to the New Testament to read about the Passion of Jesus, how He died on the cross. Do the same thing, read it slowly. Try to picture yourself there in the scenes like a movie. See how awesome God’s love you for is, that His Son, Jesus, died on the cross not just for Christians but for the whole world. Even if you were the only one on Earth, He would still be on the cross just for you. How amazing it, a God that loves us beyond human comprehension. God is love, bursting Divine Mercy. God will never abandon us or forget us. Even on hard days when we don’t feel good, God is right there by our side in the chaos and deserts. Even St. Teresa of Calcutta experienced this “dark night of the soul” for forty years! Today, she is a great saint. God’s love for us does not depend on our emotion. When we struggle, pray a very small prayer. It can be as simple as, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
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So I'm looking for Thor spoilers, as you do, and I ended up on the Marvel spoilers subreddit, where I found and read a few Christian Bale interviews. And, well, I'll take Takes I Wasn't Expecting From Christian Bale For $500, Alex.
Cut; I don't think this is spoilery, but idk what people are considering spoilers at this point, so just to be on the safe side. (Also for length, this got long. And mostly pointless.)
Article Link.
"There's an awful lot that I wish was in this film, which you can't have a four-hour long film because there's so much gold that's on the cutting room floor, hilarious stuff, and creepy as hell stuff, but that was perhaps pushing it to a realm where maybe it wouldn't have been able to be family friendly, which we always wanted it to be. But Taika's sensibility, the comedy, the tragedy, the ability to have the Taika-ness and the humor of that. But he's got great sincerity as well. He's a real artist. And so, man, it's moving. That is the bloody surprising thing with this film. It's a very moving film and then two seconds later, you're laughing your ass off."
Incidentally, Christian has nothing but complimentary things to say about the rest of the cast as well, and specifically made mention of how welcoming Chris was (which might be in a different interview than the one I linked).
But, yeah. I'm not really sure why this perfectly lovely take surprises me, except to say that maybe seeing someone of Christian's status, I guess? expressing such admiration and respect for Taika is unexpected to me? By "status," I don't mean to undermine anyone else's accomplishments, as I obviously recognize the credibility of the actors who've worked with and praised Taika in the past -
- but, for me, I just consider Christian to be on his own level. The types of projects he tends to choose, how absolutely talented he is, how clearly intellectual he is - I may be biased due to having been a fan for literally most of my life (since the early 90s! Fuck I'm old), but I just have a lot of respect for him and have (somewhat subconsciously) elevated him to a bit higher on the totem pole of admiration. Even higher than Tom.
This was going to be a sidenote, but it turned into its own paragraph: I love Tom. I do. I got on a plane for Tom. I didn't get on a bus when I lived in Boston and Christian was filming American Hustle two towns over. My regard for both of them is clearly very different, and I'm not really sure how to explain it. I don't think that either is better than the other, in terms of talent/skill, but I do think that Christian is the more accomplished, experienced actor. Which makes his compliments for Taika hold more weight for me than Tom's?
Which sounds bad, but all I mean is that Tom was, obviously, very much a part of the Thor universe, he was entrenched in the role by the time Ragnarok came around, he had relationships with all the cast, and I think being in that position would hinder one's objectivity not just for the role but for the movie/universe in general. And, while I appreciate very much that Tom never has a bad thing to say about anyone - well, at the same time, Tom never has a bad thing to say about anyone, so whether he truly enjoyed working with Taika, especially in that context, or if he was just being diplomatic when promoting the film is anyone's guess.
Contrastingly, Christian is brand new to the MCU, to Taika, Chris and the cast (mostly), and to the Thor universe in general. Coming in as a blank slate like that, again, combined with Christian's body of work and tendency to be straightforward with his feelings (he's always very polite and complimentary, but he's not nice the way Tom is? Again, I don't know how to explain the difference, except to say I've never felt like he gives "fluff" answers; he doesn't heap on the praise if it's unwarranted, either (in my observations, anyway) - would naturally, I imagine, give him a much more objective point of view about the experience, making his feedback feel more legit, in a "here's my unbiased yet professional opinion (and I know what I'm talking about)" kind of way.
(I don't think I'm words-ing very well but) the thing is, I've always been lukewarm about Taika, at best. I've said this ad nauseum, but despite being critical of it, I liked Ragnarok. But I liked it as its own separate film. I didn't like it as part of the Thor franchise; I didn't like it as an overall story bc I didn't think it was well-written, and there were a lot of "problematic" implications within said story. Others have criticized it more thoroughly, but I have certainly done my fair share. And I think I mostly still have those opinions.
But I was way, way more upset about Infinity War than I could have ever been about Ragnarok, so that softens it a bit, too. And, look, this doesn't apply to anyone I am currently still mutuals with, but it does apply to a lot of former mutuals - regarding Ragnarok, at the height of wankness there was a lot of meta being passed around and analyzed and whatnot that made it easy to sort of spiral down into an echo chamber, encouraged by people who, again, include former mutuals who seem to feed on the negativity, despite claiming otherwise ("we wanted to like it, honest; endlessly criticizing hurts us more than it hurts you," etc). And the way that this dynamic played out - and is still playing out - after the Loki series came out was extremely eye-opening (and disappointing) to me bc suddenly, people whose Ragnarok takes elicited "yasss" from me were suddenly (I felt) posting takes that not only did I (sometimes wildly) disagree with, but that were fueled by an element of vitriol that fed right into the negativity (and made me very uncomfortable).
That's neither here nor there at the moment, just context I guess, but my point is that while I mostly maintain that Ragnarok is fine/enjoyable as a standalone film but has issues (at best) as part of the Thor franchise, said opinion left me feeling very "meh" about Taika as a filmmaker. I never hated him as much as some other people did (I hate(d) the Russos and Infinity War a lot more, fuck those assholes) but I didn't really respect him, either. And despite being interested in Thor 4 and excited for Christian Bale, I'm not really approaching it with any expectations of being blown away by the film itself; I'm mostly assuming it's mediocre.
Which - all of this was just a really rambly way of saying, well shit, if Christian Bale's probably-objective opinion is such a glowing review, maybe I should re-assess how I view Taika as a filmmaker? Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss this movie as "probably mediocre but it's Thor with Christian Bale so sign me the fuck up." Actually give it a fair chance. I mean, shit, I could still walk away from it saying, "Nah, my opinion hasn't changed, definitely mediocre," but at least it'd be a more genuine take, I suppose.
There is literally no point to this post, sorry. It's 1:30am and I'm having all kinds of feelings and I'm just Like This, okay?
Also, I just realized I didn't actually find any fucking spoilers.
#thor 4#thor 4 spoilers#<--spoiler tag#again i don't think there's spoilers here but just to be safe#christian bale#taika waititi#standom frank#ragnarok critical#mood gif
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I think one thing that frustrates me about my witchcraft and especially when I was first learning was the "you have to tell your intentions!" No no, not have intentions clear, people would say you had to VERBALLY say them. 1: what about physically mute witches that literally don't have an option to speak? But 2: I go nonverbal sometimes especially more often now that I'm unmasking. Most of my practice is done silently with only really music or natural sounds like rain. I always would try to speak and it felt so gross and wrong and made me uncomfortable.
I dunno how much that spreads around, but I remember seeing witches (specifically on TikTok, of course) that would say you would have to VERBALLY SPEAK your intentions for them to be known. Not only does that ignore people that can't flat out speak or those that communicate with nonverbal communication (aka if deaf or hard of hearing folks used sign language), but it also ignores nonverbal people and such. Like yes, I can speak. I'm not hard of hearing, there's nothing physically stopping me, but I'm autistic and I go nonverbal especially a lot more lately since I'm unmasking and unlearning. I've learned to communicate more nonverbally and even have picked up a bit of ASL for very simple communication (like thank you, I love you for example.) It just rubs me the wrong way, but witchtok is especially filled with misinformation, classism, ignoring disabled voices, and ESPECIALLY ignoring BIPOC voices!
I've mostly stayed on good sides of witchtok with people that educate about appropriation, misinformation, and include cheaper ways to practice and actually give great advice, but I've come across a few that, whether I knew it at the time or not, gave really shitty advice. It's just a small thing I encountered that I'm now realizing really affected my practice when I was really finding myself (my first year or two of practice.) And oh my god the "love and light." I thought "oh people say that. Maybe I'll try." I said it once and felt sick to my stomach and was like "nope, nope, never again. Who am I to judge?" Like good for you if that's your thing, but like, it was so difficult to find MY practice at first. And that really affected my self esteem since I have a big problem with "guilting" myself if I'm not doing it right and since there wasn't any really good guidance and I am shite with researching and cry after seeing two articles cause google sucks, it was really difficult. And it made me practice less cause I'd get worn out and go back to being my ADHD/autistic self that goes "nah I don't wanna do that."
Also of course I focus my intentions in my mind. I do deep breathing to help me focus and it's all I think about. I even bring up specific memories and emotions to fuel my intentions. But saying them aloud just doesn't feel right especially when I have to force myself to say it. I paint, I DO with the intention in ME. I don't need to verbally say it.
Anyway, I'm making a protection/good vibes painting for my bestie. It's really pretty so far and I even accidentally started painting an evil eye thing on accident (this: 🧿) just because I felt drawn to the blues and making an eyeball. I use a lot of eyes in my paintings (it's a show of emotion/trauma for me) so I didn't think much until I thought about it in depth. I even added in some sage for protection and good vibes. It looks really nice and adds texture. It was all I could get my hands on since I sneak herbs and spices from my mother and she's super christian so uh- can't know. But still. I already feel so happy looking at it. I know they will too. Plus I'm using warmer tones cause my bestie prefers them, his favorite color is red! I'm a cool tones person, partly due to sensory issues, but still. I'm just adding in things that remind me of them. I love it so much :) I know he will too!
#disabled#disabled witch#nonverbal#rant on witchtok#witchtok#witchcraft#practicing witch#my practice#actually disabled#actually autistic#actually traumatized#protection spell#minor rant#nothing too negative#finding my way at the start of my practice#spell casting#spells#good vibes#protection and good vibes#love for my bestie#painting#painting witch#art spell work#disabled bean#witchy bean#semiverbal#unmasking#learning about myself
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Pirate Month: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A (Disapointing) Veggietales Movie Review (Comission for WeirdKev27)
Hello all you happy pirates and welcome back to Pirate Month. I'm Jake, I review media I like, am paid for and ocasionally yell into the void about HBO Max and probably will again.
Today though I continue pirate month , my month long look at pirate media because why not. And today we take another stab with my friend, producer and guy who just sent me a shit ton of books entirely out of the kindness of his heart, Kev.
This isn't the first time it's been time for VeggieTales on this blog either as i've looked at both The Christmas Star aka...
As well as did an arson and went to jail. It.. it was a trip. It's sequel was okay, not nearly as loveably bonkers, but it still had Mr. Nezzer trying to tear down the church like the villian in an 80's kids movie, so.. there's that.
Despite the specials being bonkers it was still nice to go back to a franchise from my childhood, as I do geninely love veggietales and feel it has a place in the world, especailly as it promotes the GOOD of christianity (helping people, being a better person, generally not being a dick) instead of hateful regressive nonsense like homophobia, staying married even if it's miserable, etc. all.
So naturally I was fine with going back there for this flim. It helps the song the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, which the movie naturally launches from (Along with the three having shown up in the previous movie, Jonah, which i'm now obligatd to cover at some point) is an all time banger.
youtube
And honestly given Larry is one of the main character and Pa Grape and Lunt are often the best parts of the things their in, it's not a huge shock this concept would get a movie even without them anchoring the wrap around for Jonah I forgot existed. So I was always curious about this film even if i'd never seen it. As for my reactoin well
Yeah The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie: A Rope of Sand isn't great. Is it the WORST thing i've covered? Nope, not even by a wide margin. I'v ehad to deal with the racist, sexist , egotist known as Billy Butcher (Comics version, havne't seen prime, you Boys TV fans can relax), seen wolverine get shot in the nuts, seen gonzo get horny over a cgi chicken, and seen a dog transphobically vomit for 37 seconds straight. An agressively weak VeggieTales film is not going to be the thing that breaks me.
That said it was still a chore to get through. Even accounting for not being in the best headspace this week, every time I sat down to watch part of it drug on. For a film starring a bunch of vegtables who go back in time it's painfully boring.
In theory you COULD blame this on production: the idea was had at a bad time for Big Idea as they brocoli, celery gotta .. declare bankrputcy. Yeah it's always jarring to find out something key to your childhood, and sometimes your present day has something really dark attached, like when I watched the show SNapped and found out someone shot her husband in front of Charles Schultz Studio. You just.. never expect that sort of thing you know? So the film was planned for DTV till Universal swooped in and gave it distribution to a resounding
But really this is a company that has made TONS of great DTV films and half hours, has experince with these characters, and had already MADE one film. While it wasn't the film they originally wanted to make, execs rejected a bob and larry origin story ...
But they didn't half ass it, they put their heart into this film and into making it work and clearly took it seriously. It just.. didn't turn out good.
What really makes the film just not work for me is the story. The idea, despite being incredibly weird, is intresting and fun for an adventure movie: In this film our Pirates Who Don't Do Anything start as three cabin boys at a pirate dinner theater: Elliot (Larry) a timid but kind cucumber whose afraid of everything, Sedwick(Mr. Lunt), a selfish squash whose genius but also really lazy and self serving, and our lead George (Pa Grape) , a pushover whose own family has lost all respect for him. Things take a turn when they meet a blind seer foreshadowing the films plot.
Who is this guy? Is he god? A mutant with prophecy powers? The French Alps? We don't know> He's just sorta there, as the king sent him to test them and such. We'll get to him.
So our three heroes interpret the prohecy and trying out for the show, as George knows the lines and has the talent for it and Elliot was planning too anyway while Sedwick figures why not. And in typical stock comedy film fashion, it goes horribly wrong, their fired for the damages and left held low. I'm not against this sort of plot device as some truly great stories start this way, it just feels lazy here especially when the relization hit that a LOT of animated films use this, and as such I doubt any kid seeing this even fairly young ones woudln't of seen this done before and better. And as for me as a grown ass man whose seen this hundreds of times at this point..
So it dosen't start the film on the best foot. We go from an intro with a thrilling pirate adventure.. to three guys working at a dinner theater without that contrast really being as funny as it should be.
It picks up slightly when the main plot, which the film opens with, gets going: It's the golden age of piracy and Princess Elosie (A new character who WAS going to be Lara carrot, but it was decided she coudln't carry a film and I side with the creators on this one), and her butler Willory played by archibald esparigus, hide from Robert the Terrible, a pirate played expertly by Cam Clarke as he takes her brother. Robert plans to ransom the royal twosome to set their father up for bomb when he gets back from being away and with him away and without him they have no hope so they use his steampunk sphere, the helpseeker to find someone to help. Naturally it finds our three heroes who find a canoe, you know there's people who can teach you to buy one of those right fells and get stuck in the past.
You likely can guess the drill from here: Our heroes decide to pretend to be heroes, Elliot convinces the others because he thinks it'll be easy and thus our quest begins..
With that we can talk about one of the films main problems: The characters feel really flat outside of Geroge. George, while not the DEEPEST character is still utterly likeable, a guy who lets people push him around way too much, has no self esteem, and whose family dosen't care about him. He's beaten down by life and his tendency to do what others tell him. While that isn't normal how he gets out of it and what he learns from it is fairly intresting: over the film he becomes a surrogate father to eloise, being the only one to take her belief in them seriously, and slowly but surely wanting to help her instead of just do what's easy, best shown durin ga montage played to the awful Newsboys Song "Yo Ho Hero", where he starts helping her. George slowly grows from a spineless.. er seedless wimp, to a hero, going out of his way to make sure the quest continues despite his allies, and later getting a hell of a moment when our heroes have to set out after eloise, Sedwick has left and the orb starts blinking, possibly meanin ga way home. As he puts it perfectly, he realizes why his kids don't respect him : he hasn't given them anything to respect. He hasn't tried to win it.. and if he's going to go back, if he can, he's going to be someone they can look up to, the kind of man who does the right thing even when it's far from easy and may get him killed. A hero.
The problem.. is the other two leads aren't great and the rest of the characters are pretty stock: Eloise is the optimist child who warms a characters heart, and a fairly subdued version, Archibald is a skeptic, Robert is a big bad guy who weirdly has limbs which somehow works despite this being veggitates because they look badass, Yuri Lowenthall as the Prince is the hostage... just basic characters. If this was JUST a special and not a movie, dtv or theatrical, i'd be fine with it. For an hour of story that wouldnt' be bad. But for 80 minutes of film, it's weak and Big IDea CAN do better. They have done deeper stories with Jonah, Esther The Girl Who Would Be King, Rack Shack and Benny, and laugh fests via the various shorts and action with the larry boy duology. The story is just too weak to have the characters this thin and the laughs are shockingly sparse. The story just isn't silly enough to be fun and isn't deep or epic enough to be thrilling.
As for those leads, Elliot is just kinda.. there. It does lead to him facing down a mecha sea monster with a sword. .but otherwise while he gets a moment or two (LIke him longingly starring back when Sedwick leaves the party, partly wanting to go.. but knowing i'ts not the right thing), but is mostly just.. there to move the plot along or mention a fear is on his list. Larry.. deserves better. As for Sedwick...
Sedwick is just obnoxious for the first 2/3 of the movie. He's lazy (which I can be sometimes), selfish, and cosntantly wants to bail. And while yeah he didn't ask for this adventure, a child is asking for his help.. and his response is to keep wanting to buck it or whine about his best friend you know, not doing that. I also don't get the sense he's REALLY geroge's friend as he gladly abuses the fact George is a pushover for his own benfit, earlier asking for barbeque sauce Sedwicks Girlfriend had asked for because it's too far for his "labor saving device", and it's telling I wans't remotely sad or conflicted when he left. And it's not great that I was rooting for the pile of sentient Cheeto's with teeth to murder him
Yeah that happens and it's one of the few jokes I liked in the film.
The two being such weak characters , as well as everyone else means I don't reallyc are what happens half the time. I only care about George because I LIKE him, the rest.. not so much. It dosen't help the action isn't funny or thrilling it's just.. there> There's no real sense of fun or adventure.. and this is a film that has a rock monster.. and a whole song about it at the end! I shoudln't be praying for death but death won't come!
It dosen't help the title.. has nothing to do with the premise. No really: our heroes are called that by a jerk and take it on as a way to gain Archibald I Forgot HIs Character Names trust, but they never sing the song or really play into the bit. And I get they can't be JUST the bit, that's fair: you can't have a character just be one thing and expect them to headline. It's why Shorsey fleshed the title character, who on letterkenny just showed up once in a while to be a dick and graphically talk about how he banged Jonsey and Riley's moms, out considerably giving him a backstory via his foster family, some friends he actualyl cares about and isn't a complete dick to, and a true love of hockey beyond being a vehicle for him to make your mom jokes. Here they just slapped a character trait on each of them, took out the part that actually made the title make sense or any sense of irony from that, and did it. It might of been better if they just cut out the present day stuff and had them as actual pirates who don't do anything with similar character arcs. George is the only character I feel would've suffered, but he could still have a family and such. Being a pirate dosen't mean you can't have kids. It just means you may not see them often and he dosen't do anything, so why would he have been that far up to this movie.
Finally we have the finale
It's a mess, slow, plodding an dthey fight robert THREE TIMES. I'm not kidding he gets beat THREE times: first when George decides to do something and drops a chandelear on him, which is awesome, then again when their chased, and about to die while in a rowboat
Enter the king who saves them. And the creators apparently tried to justify this on dvd commentary with "Well it's a bible parable"
Like.. out of all the VeggieTales projects this one has the least to do about jesus. I get the King's a metaphor for god or something, but ti dosen't work. he's a guy. He's not our lord and savior. Elloise is not Lady Jesus. I'd watch a series named Lady Jesus, someone greenlight that yesterday, but that's not the point. The point is this makes no sense and is a cheap way for them to KINDA beat robert.. but not really because as our heroes get star wars medals and a wizard of oz message about how good they are, they get sent home.. with robert hitching a ride.
So we get a THIRD climax, as our heroes have to fight Robert at the dinner theater. And while I do feel this is necessary, as our heroes need to win the day in front of everybody and get their jobs back, though weirdly refuse a promotion, it dosen't feel like really a proper climax. They just... drop a canoe on robert and send him home. There's no real tension or anything. Our heroes win, the helpseeker beeps again setting up a sequel
And we're out with a fun parody of Rock Lobster, Rock Monster. By the way this film had rock monsters. I liked them but didn't have much to say about them.
Overall this flim is just.. not great. And not even in a memorable way. It's just kinda there and you'll forget it not long after you see it. It's not really worth checking out, isn't streaming anywhere, and isn't worth your time. But thank you for taking the time to read this, feel free to dm me if you'd like to comission a review yourself, and i'll see you next time.
#veggietales#the pirates who don't do anything#universal#cam clarke#yuri lowenthal#larry the cucumber#pa grape#mr.lunt#Youtube#animation
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