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fukozawa · 2 years

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venting just ignore me // tw: weight, sui, sh

i really wish i had a therapist

I havent had a therapist since i was 15 over a decade ago. And even then i didn’t want to be there and didn’t take advantage of how much of a privilege it was

I don’t think ill ever be able to be vulnerable with anyone in my life. I don’t think ill ever not feel like a burden. And if that ever goes away it’ll surely be after years of therapy which i don’t and won’t have access to for the foreseeable future

Anytime I’m faced with the opportunity to open up or ask for a listening ear, I’m fully paralyzed from seeking that out. Its like right before i take that step, right as my foot is about to touch the shaky ground of opening up to someone that wants to be there for me, its like my own subconscious flings me backwards through midair and everything i wanted to say is blank and i physically cant utter the words. Its like all the feelings that made me want to seek out help in the first place suddenly disappear and I’m miraculously totally fine and not sure why I needed to reach out in the first place and waste anyones time or emotional energy.

Theres always this underlying feeling that i don’t matter and i can easily disappear from peoples lives and they wouldn’t notice, so why make them become further invested in my issues when I’m basically nonexistent as it is. Obviously its the avoidant attachment style but to an extreme. I don’t have to avoid people when i constantly feel like others are avoiding me. And especially avoiding my feelings, which have oftentimes been too heavy for others to carry.

Ive never had a irl friend who would just listen to me and be emotionally intelligent enough to not project their own ideas onto me, but who knew how to allow their presence be the comfort that i needed.

I cant stop myself from diverting the attention away from myself and focusing on other peoples problems or worries in order to avoid having to talk about my own.

In reality i could literally talk about myself and my constant self analysis for hours, theres so much that ive reflected on and so much i could use external insight on, but by the time i scratch the tip of the iceberg, the intrusive thought of being a burden/waste of time/emotional drain on those around me is too powerful to ever scratch the surface of what really goes on with me. Even on tumblr i try not to vent here as often as id like bc its literally so embarrassing being a human and having to have human emotions like literally so annoying i hate having to subject anyone to this.

Tho if im honest I’m lonelier than ive ever been and nothing is more affirming of my trauma and need for community than how expertly I’m able to isolate myself so diligently. Thats just one of the ways I’m able to self harm without anyone noticing. Another big way lately has been depriving myself of sleep, i cant stop myself. The feeling of being so ridiculously tired that i cant help but pass out is the best feeling ever cuz it means not a moment is spent with my own thoughts. I know its hurting me so much, bc my head screams at me with some of the worst headaches (which i realized recently are likely migraines) but its part of the sh i guess. When it gets too unbearable i just take some pain medicine and i can go about my day. Burning eye sockets are a lot easier to ignore than a radiating pounding skull.

Ive become so unhealthy but i don’t care. Sadly I’m skinny so no one questions it. I’m severely underweight but restricting food intake is another way i subtly self harm. I think its obvious but my parents are too self centered to notice and if they do notice they clearly don’t think its enough of a concern to mention to me. Its not actually on purpose tho, i have arfid due to being autistic and making myself a meal thats not instant ramen is literal fucking hell on earth and feels like I’m trying to run through waste deep water. I never have an appetite and the act of even having to eat at all is exhausting/draining. I hate food and if i could survive on vibes & Dr Pepper alone without having to eat food id be more than happy. I constantly have anxiety that there’s something seriously wrong with my body but id never know because my body is constantly being put through the wringer, experiencing such regular levels of discomfort/pain its impossible for me to acknowledge which of my bodies signals are truly dire.

Living with my mother is slowly killing me but i have no way out due to crippling levels of anxiety and absolutely zero energy to care for myself enough to be able to take action on things that would benefit my future self. It doesnt help that it feels like the world is ending and feeling like i may not have a lot of time left anyways so might as well spend my life in bed miserable under the covers starving and malnourished, cuz its the only thing I’m good at.

I feel like I’m always in some sort of dissociative state that i don’t know how to turn off. I try to ground myself and it just comes right back. When it comes to my emotional state i have absolutely zero support system and its hard to not feel like everyone is better off not having to deal with my bullshit drama. Its hard not to feel like I’m making all this up and just being dramatic, like I’m faking all of this and i bet if i wasnt such a coward I wouldn’t have all these issues.

A part of me is jealous of the people who took their lives already. They were powerful people. I wish i could be like them. And not have to deal with the pain of existing as an autistic gay person who never felt truly seen. As terrifying as that is thats all ive ever wanted, for someone to genuinely want to See me and Understand me. Cuz up to this point in my life ive gone out of my way for others to make sure they feel understood, but not once has anyone put that same energy towards me. Which is why I’m hesitant to continue trying to form new close relationships, whats the point when all my prior experiences have shown how little most people give a shit about forming lasting strong connections that stand the test of time. Even the bare minimum of asking someone to educate themselves on the autistic experience so they can begin to try understand my experience, is somehow too much to ask and too high of an expectation.

Anyways I’m done venting for now and its finally time for me to sleep after being awake for 24+ hrs lmao k bye

#/end rant #oversharing on tumblr is my form of therapy #if u read the whole thing pls like the post cuz it helps me feel less alone #or just ignore me either one is perfectly fine don’t waste ur time with this #i think this is a result of pmdd symptoms but still it feels real and heavy even if this feeling will eventually go away #only to return a month later and the cycle repeats for eternity

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theboykingofhell · 6 years

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1, 5, 8, 10, 18, 28 for Nisha; 2, 4, 5, 7, 14, 17, 20, 25 for Nora!!!!!!

>:3c!

now lemme SMACK that read more on there because h o l y h e l l

nisha:

1: What does your OC feel is important to be talented at?

HRM... i think she thinks it’s important to be good at... pretty much everything all at once. like, you have to be ‘studied’, you have to be good at languages, you have to be fit and athletic, you have to know instruments, like, to her, that idea of being educated is very important and she does consider that something that’s based on talent than anything else... like... it’s based on an innate trait someone is born with? i guess? HRm

5: What calms your OC down the best under severe stress?

What Is Calm

i think... she just needs to be out of the area in general. i think she gets sensory overload pretty easily and when she’s too stressed, she’ll shut down (god, that one nishamatthew thread, remeember...) SO SHE JUST... she needs to be taken away from the physical place it happened, she needs to be reminded to breathe, and she needs to just... have some time to cry about it or stare off or relax... let her take a nap... pls, @myself, let her rest,,,,.,

8: What does your OC hate and appreciate on others?

(does this question mean like what does she simultaneously hate and admire in people or one thing she hates and one thing she appreciates,,, the former sounds more fun SO)

RECKLESSNESS..... she hates reckless, impulsive behavior because it’s immature and it’s senseless and, like, logically, how could it work out for you??? ever??? it’s such a RISK.. but she’s also SO envious of anyone who can just DO without THINKING, it’s ridiculous. it makes absolutely no sense for that to be a way that people can just be, and it feels like people who are that way ARE that way because the universe wants to wave this possibility in her face... she rly doesnt appreciate it haha

10: What type of people does your OC idolize the most?

really put together, reserved, stoic people!! if they’re stern and take no shit, that’s a bonus. tbh she kind of admires people who are/can be very aggressive but can still stay classy about it. ... so, like, giovanni. it’s giovanni.

18: What aspect of your OC’s personality or essence do other people usually have a problem with?

tai/marcos put it best tbh... she’s a hyper-critical judgmental person who doesn’t even have the confidence to be as judgmental and, quite frankly, prissy and blunt as she is. she’s got this air of ‘you should be better’ without even considering herself better than them, it’s like she almost has a superiority complex (and tbh... she kind of does) except she puts herself down just as much if not more and that just makes her over-all pretty unpleasant to be around tbh

28: Is your OC loyal or more prone of take advantage of people close to them?

UHH... she is REALLY loyal but i’ll also say she will take advantage of a situation in a second. like, if nora’s in the room, she’s 150% loyal to her. if nora is out of the room, but a situation arises where nora will be brought into the room, she will automatically go with that, regardless of whether nora wants to be brought in or not. I HOPE THAT ANALOGY MAKES SENSE...

like, she gets... not manipulative, but, she thinks she knows what’s best for everyone, so she’ll do whatever it takes to provide that person with the best. matthew getting reeducated is a great example of this, because, in front of matthew, she thinks it’s the worst thing ever, but, as it was happening, and her mindset afterwards, i mean, she was kind of all for it, as long as it got him to be with her again in a way that (at the time, seemed) the most painless for her to deal with, so,,

NORA:

2: Does your OC adapt easily to changes in life or do they have a hard time getting accustomed?

UMM kind of both... i guess it depends on what the changes are. she can change her location pretty easily, she can flit through environments on a whim because she doesn’t really feel at home anywhere. but anything like a change of routine??? THAT messes her up. i feel like she gets used to knowing what she can and can’t get away with and that kind of dictates how she lives her life, so if something changes, those rules change, and she doesn’t like not knowing how she’s expected to navigate in that area and how much she can bend and twist those rules so that she can live the way she wants to live

4: How does your OC behave typically under severe stress?

it’s kind of hard to track her behavior... she gets hysterical very quickly, and her version of hysteria involves a lot of mood swings. she will go from shrieking her head off about it to laughing it off to staring off into space in a daze. generally, the more stressed out she is the more she’s going to try and withdraw into herself. if withdrawing fails, she lashes out and tries to fight her way out, but that’s not until she’s been pushed so far that there’s literally no space within her to try and retreat to, and that’s usually when we get the more feral behavior yesss

5: What calms your OC down the best under severe stress?

she’s VERY tactile, so! hugs! holding her hand or petting her hair or just sharing in her body warmth. she’s very extroverted and very dependent on people being around her but that doesn’t mean she necessarily wants to talk or interact with her in a way. she does kind of need it to be quiet for her to really unwind, so if you wanna calm her down, you’d just kind of pet or hold her for a bit while she quietly sort things out on her own. she doesn’t really like to be comforted more than that, because she’ll automatically interpret it as an attack of some sorts (like, she loses track of who was doing the attacking in the first place, and processes pretty much all interactions except simple touch as even more abuse)

7: What does your OC hate and like about themselves?

she hates that she’s such a free spirit TBH. she feels restless all the time because of it. she likes her individuality but not enough to really counterbalance how much she loathes just having to stand out the way she does? she does kind of wish she was a quieter person that was easier to know and easier to get along with

8: What does your OC hate and appreciate on others?

docile people PISS HER OFF, but, again, that’s something she kind of wishes she had. but she despises it. she thinks it’s kind of pathetic to be that way, she hates when people are passive aggressive, she hates when people don’t just speak their mind, like, it frustrates her a lot although she does also really value the idea of just keeping things to herself and she wishes she could do that more hrmmmmmm i just realized i didnt have to answer this one for her but i aint deletin that answer lol you get one for free now

14: Where and what from does your OC seek most typically comfort from?

she likes ALCOHOL she likes SEX she likes PARTYING and she likes! HER FAMILY (aka her besties nisha and matthew). drugs are definitely her go to but i think that’s because they made her shut up and she likes the feeling of not having any control to what’s happening both in her brain and in her body and what’s around her (the idea of randomly overdosing is w a y too appealing to her r.i.p.)... she gets a lot of comfort from the idea of just not being allowed to function for a bit because she’s on whateverthefuck

and she likes BEING with people without necessarily being with them. empty interactions like whatever chatter or dancing goes into a party or the lack of intimacy in a random one night stand is her f a v e.

but of course, honestly, she just likes being around the people she loves a lot and she loves lounging around with them and doing nothing or watching THEM enjoy life (like tbh she could watch nisha and matthew play with puppies for hours because THEY’D BE HAPPY SO SHE’D BE HAPPY). she just. is comforted by providing comfort to other people? just feeling genuine love for people makes her very happy and comfy a w

17: What does your OC do when they’re dealing with intense emotional pain?

IDK.. i’ve been trying to figure this out lately because she gets closer to red on the spectrum of how they react to things, and how a lot of those reactions involve redirecting it into something better. but, while red kind of does his best to redirect his pain into something sexual or something he can sort of enjoy masochistically, i feel like nora just sort of... accepts it.

granted, she’s also still heavily into drugs, so the second it crosses the border to intense, she’s trying to drink that feeling away. but i think it’s less about drinking the feeling away and more of drinking because she knows it will intensify the feeling. yeah. she tries to make it worse, she wants to break under the pressure. she’ll feel triggered and then she’ll find her way into a shower and soak herself and let her past well up and drag her down and then she’ll drink because that just helps her drown in the feelings all the more. like, to her, she doesn’t ever want to think through it, so she pushes herself into more and more pain until she’s nothing but, and in that way, it kind of hurts less, because she really hates her own thoughts more than anything else. so, trying to find a way to make that emotional pain physical, is.. what she’d do.

20: Do other people have misconceptions about some parts of your OC’s personality?

SHE.... is very callous which i think gives the air that she’s also very tough and hard to affect, but she’s VERY sensitive and she gets her feelings hurt very easily. she purposely tries to do the opposite of what she feels like, so if she wants comfort, she’s going to do all she can to harass the other person and drive them away, and that just makes her seem! bitchy and mean and like she doesn’t care about the other person, but she does! that’s why she’s driving them away! because she doesn’t want them to deal with her!

also i think it’s just that there are certain tropes she fits into too well, like. she’s the manic pixie, she’s the party girl. and that’s not rly a misconception but i think it’s important to, like, point out that she wants to be seen that way, because it’s easier. her sense of self comes and goes so it’s easier to just cling to these kind of images... she likes people thinking she’s just a shallow bitch or something because that’s easier than having to deal with what she’s really feeling or what she thinks she’s exuding, if that make.... senseee....

25: How does your OC see their own value in comparison to other people?

she does NOT think she matters in the SLIGHTEST and everyone else around her is better than her UNLESS her life is blatantly threatened. that is the only time she considers herself as deserving to be alive, and that’s more of because she’s scared of whoever is threatening her and scared of being hurt too much too fast. and i don’t really think there’s anything causing this issue, like, i just think nora has accepted this fact in life that she should not be alive right now, which i think is unresolved survivor’s guilt after the incident with her father. she just kind of considers herself to be... done. but everyone else is still going and they all have so much more potential than she does, so she just sees herself as a waste of space and ughjsdfgs im sad

#w #these are some of the best questions ever cuz i havent thought of them at ALL #they're really nice and specific in such an insightful way.. dang #mmementommori #ask tag

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timefospookies · 2 years

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here I go for headcanons!!

UhMm, does thou have any woods siblings or clockwork hcs?

You don't have to answer both or at all if you don't want to abdbhfhg

HIHIHIHIII I HAVE WOODS SIBLINGS HEADCANONS <33

I DREW CLOCKWORK TOO BUT I HAVENT ACTUALLY THOUGHT OF HER PLACE IJ MY AU SO I WILL REBLOG THIS AND TAG YOU WHEN I HAVE HER HEADCANONS!!!

———————————————————————

These are more Woods family headcanons but w sibling content :3

- Liu (16) and Jeff (13) had been adopted by the Woods family after spending about a years in a home for children

- They had been taken in by a few foster parents before then, all of which complained that Jeff was “too much to handle” and that Liu was “too angsty/should lighten up”

- Liu didn’t trust the Woods at all and was very weary of them

- Especially since they adopted them right away. Sure meant nothing good

- Jeff was pretty hostile too, not knowing what to expect

- Truth is that the Woods were like the sweetest and coolest family ever. Like a model family but like actually functional BSHHAHS

- Like they’re the household you look forward to going to on Halloween cuz they have old scary movies playing, fun activities and king sized candy bars

- Mrs Woods is a therapist, and she’s like everyone’s mom. Not a single kid dislikes her. She’s African American :3

- Mr Woods is a carpenter and like the ultimate dad. Like dad jokes and support. He’s from Chile :3

- And their daughters, Jane Woods (16) and Jessie Woods (10) were also very kind

- Jane was quiet but had a lot of friends. Calming aura hhh definitely mom friend :]

- I love her okay???

- Jessie was very sweet and excitable!! She loved playing video games and baking :]

- Jeff hated her LMFAO

- Little sibling rivalry

- Anyway over all the family won Jeff over pretty quickly

- Jane showed him some good music and Jessie and the Woods couple offered him pastries and he immediately switched sides LMAO

- Jeff and Liu shared a room but they didn’t really mind since they’ve shared a room before

- Jessie was devastated that she had to cede her room to her new brothers </3

- Not because she didn’t like them but because she liked having her own room

- Jane wasn’t too happy about having to share her room with Jessie, but they get along really well so it wasn’t really a problem

- Jeff’s new parents were able to keep up with his energy and it made him very happy:]

- Also Jessie showed him games to play and he was ecstatic (even though she destroyed him every single time at Mari Kart lmao)

Jeff : “Liu, can we keep them!!?”

- Liu on the other hand wasn’t easily convinced

- He was polite, yes

- He accepted their kindness, also yes

- But he didn’t believe it was genuine and expected the worse soon

- The sisters were able to crack his shell though

- He was kind to Jessie who tried to bond with him over pastries

- She taught him to bake few things like cookies and leche asada (I love leche asada mmmm)

- Jane decided to just hang out with him and talk

- Being in the same room as her is calming, even if it’s quiet and that silence was really comforting for Liu

- She’s got a soft voice and would talk to him about the town, her family, or about the things she liked to do

- Eventually he started talking back as well <3

- Wlw and mlm solidarity

- They’re like best friends they tell each other everything

- Jane introduce Liu into her friend group and it’s very nice and chill

- Jane was the first person that Liu confided in with being a system

- He’d never told anyone before but she was very supportive

- Sully loved her too :]

- Her and Sully would go to the pet shop to look at the animals and would get ice cream together

- Which usually didn’t end up well since the body is lactose intolerant, but Sully doesn’t care LMAOO

- They’d go with Jeff sometimes too and stop by the park to dig up some bugs

- Sully got along best with Jessie tbh

- They would go on the swings at the park together and discuss important questions such as what the best dinosaur is and what the meaning of life is. Y’know. Questions kids ask

(Sully’s 7 he may not act like it a lot of the time but he is)

- They’re both like brutally honest btw

- Like Jessie is super sweet but she physically cannot lie and will often come off as blunt

- Sully comes off as blunt but doesn’t really care about being nice LMAO

- Jane and Jeff watched horror movies together and they’d go on like 5 hour marathons

- Liu would scold them for that obviously but watch with them cuz he doesn’t want to be alone

- Liu HATES horror movie though so he just spent the whole time with a pillow over his face while Jane and Jeff commented on it

Jeff: “Oh my godddd DONT BE STUPID HES RIGHT THERE!!!!”

Jane: “Why is it that horror movie protagonists always do the opposite of what a normal person would do?”

Jeff: “I DONT KNOW?! NO WAIT DONT WALK OVER THER- and she’s dead”

[Chainsaw noises and screaming]

Jane: “She kinda brought it upon herself huh,”

Jeff: “Yeah,”

Jane: “Those guts look really realistic though, oh and her face? Props to the makeup artist”

Liu: *quivering* “h how can y ou two en joy this??1?,,”

- Jane, Liu, Jessie and Mary have sleepovers in Jane+Jessie’s room and Jeff always crashes the party by bursting in and trying to be the center of attention

———————————————————————

Welp that’s all I got right now!!! I hope you enjoyed and also that you have a great day :33

#jeff woods #jeffery woods #liu woods #sully creepypasta #jane woods #mary vaughn #Jessie woods #jeff the killer #jane the killer #homicidal liu #creepypasta #creepypasta spooks au #spooky talk

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babysizedfics · 4 years

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I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

#little/big concepts #illness tw #vomit tw #food mention #long post #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

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stainedglasscas · 3 years

Note

4, 8, 12 & 10 for the discourse asks 💓

4) Meg!Sam or Lucifer!Sam?

Lucifer!Sam. Very compelling and heartbreaking in the sense that sam has always feared that there is something inherently evil within him and then he finds out that he is destined to be the body for the literal devil and yet he STILL fights it until he cant anymore. and also lucifer sam in the white suit was hot sorry not sorry.

8) How should the afterlife have been “resolved”? Did the fixing of Heaven work?

okay this is a BIG question that i dont feel that i can fully address well but no i dont think the fixing of heaven really worked. i havent seen the finale so take my opinions about this with a grain of salt bc i am going off what ive read about it on here but like. sam and dean being stuck for eternity with their abusive father, their mother who they had a very complicated relationship with, without any of their other friends or loved ones (besides bobby) and never getting a chance to really live or break from their codependence just..does not seem like paradise to me. plus jack is god now and hes literally 3 which does not seem like a good thing for a variety of reasons. it could have been interesting if the way heaven was set up was framed as a bad thing within the show but its framed as a wonderful happy ending which it is not imo.

For me the idea of heaven as it is in spn is weird cuz its basically just, a better version of your regular life (and not even THAT much better). Which sort of takes away the preciousness of being alive on Earth. I feel like heaven should, at the very least, be somewhere where you can reunite with ALL your dead loved ones, and it should be somehow different from real life in a way that makes real life significant. I dont know how exactly id set this up though, id need to think it over a lot more.

12) Favorite season of Sam?

oh this is hard its between 2 and 4...the way sam is struggling this whole season to figure out why he is the way he is and never loses faith in good even when he loses faith in himself is just...i feel like houses of the holy is THEE thesis episode of how i feel about sam in this season. i dont know how else to put it into words. and season 4 sam is compelling becase A. bloodfreak hot demon gf time B. its about giving in to the monstrosity within yourself and hoping that some good can come out of it even if you are destroying yourself, even if you believe theres no hope for you anymore.

10) What are your thoughts on Dean and Cas’s dynamic/its resolution?

i mean its pretty clear from my blog that i am a destiel person lmao. an angel strayig from heavens path as he falls in love with a very broken and flawed human man...that man learning to have faith agian, not in god but in that angel...literally whats not to love. that being said, it does bother me sometimes how dean treats cas. he really takes him for granted a lot of the time and i think if they were ever to get together dean should have to work on this. im sure cas also has flaws in how he treats dean but im a cas girl so i simply cant see them. (i mean lets be real, all of tfw would need months of therapy before ever being able to have a truly healthy relationship with anyone).

so obviously i fucking hated how they resolved their relationship. the confession was beautiful but the way they just completely ignored it, cut out a lot of deans reaction, tried to pretend it didn't happen, and also just completely cut cas out of the story after he died was not only bad writing in universe but also WILDLY homophobic oh my fucking god. it literally just does ot make sense for dean to be completely unaffected by the death of is best friend of 10+ years the way he was in the show, even if, for the sake of argument, he didnt love him back romantically. they really had 12 years of queerbating leading to the fastest bury yours gays i have ever seen. also some people think this is ridiculous but i think deans death was bury your gays. the writers knew that the only significant connection dean had besides sam was with cas and they knew if they had cas confess love they would have to address deans sexuality and feelings for cas in a whole new way and so they just killed him rather than even entertaining the possibility of him being queer. and thats fucked up

#sorry this is so long!#asks #thanks for sending #hellercas

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merrybandofmurderers · 3 years

Note

how are you so racist and ignorant while masquerading as woke??? you writing about mage rights doesnt make you an activist. and your shitty tropes and gross consumption and creepy portrayals and enjoyment of stuff from other culturs and brown paper dolls is nasty. whhy dont you actually do the work instead of pretending? cuz people of color are countin on you and your fake wokeness is gonna hurt them

first of all, i think i’ve written like one? maybe two things? about “mage rights”. like, yes i’m invested in the mage storyline due to the way bioware handles them with their awkward oppression metaphor and i’ve reblogged plenty of posts about it, but also mages aren’t like, real. i’ve definitely written more on behalf of the shitty handling of bioware’s elves and generally poor handling of their queer characters and characters of color and vivienne specifically (and i definitely reblog stuff by fans of color about bioware’s racism)

(if this is about my defense of anders, i’ve read posts by several muslim fans of late and i realized i’ve probably reblogged posts/made comments that were islamophobic or bordering on it; i will go through my blog to delete/fix the posts i can find)

second, in regards to shitty tropes, gross consumption, and creepy portrayals: is this about the fic i write? the fic/art i reblog? is this becuz of something i ship (fenders? adoribull? pavellan? varricass?)? is this because i like enemies-to-lovers and heavy angst? becuz i like age differences and exploring power dynamics? because i like grappling with the darker side of things like consent and trauma? specifics would be helpful

wrt my pavellan fic specifically, there were problems in early versions in dealing with racial issues and there was an instance of criticism i didn’t handle well, i admit; i’ve since fixed those to the best of my ability. i have been guilty of reblogging questionable art/edits of fenris and sten; i’ve gone through my blog and deleted those i could find. i avoid content that makes light of abuse or rape

third, i’m afraid i don’t know what you mean but “enjoyment of stuff from other cultures.” did i use an inappropriate pic for an edit? something culturally appropriative in a picrew? i will go back and look, but a starting point would be helpful

fourth, brown paper dolls. all right. so look. i have 60+ characters (90 something including kids). i know for most ppl in fandom, they have 1-3 characters that get the most attention, that the creators are most invested in, and in many cases are a personal representation in some way. that is not how it works for me

my characters are racially (and gender/sexually diverse) because thedas is diverse. making characters is by far my favorite part of story writing, and honestly if this were a novel with sixty ocs and they were all white, it would be weird (in fact i have seen ppl called out for making “too many” white ocs). i have characters from all over thedas with different backgrounds. pieces of myself go into my characters but none of them are a representation of me. i’ve never hidden my race or used my characters of color as a mouthpiece

i’ve also never worked under the illusion that my characters of color will ever be as authentic or deep as those made by creators of color. i put in a lot of effort to flesh them out and avoid relying on stereotypes (which is something i’ve had to improve on over time, i admit) and i like sharing them with my followers, but i know there will always be a level of authenticity i can’t provide, and i’ve always done my best to support creators of color because of that

i know there are some character designs i didnt put too much thought into and i’m presently working on fixing that. i need to work on finding more accurate faceclaims and i’ve closed that page until i’ve done so. i have a lot of ocs, and i simply cannot give them all equal attention at once. if a character seems shallow its becuz i havent found the time/spoons to talk about them or its ruminating in my mental headspace until i can focus on it

if there is something egregious i have overlooked, again, i would deeply appreciate a starting point

lastly, this is the second message to this effect i have received. i don’t know if it’s by the same person, but since i received the last one i have been trying, and it’s distressing to know that hasn’t shown. i don’t know what words to use to express how hard i am trying. i thought i was being aware, i thought i was rectifying my problems, i know i can’t catch everything but i thought i was doing everything i could

look, i know it’s not anyone’s job to educate me, but since you have taken the time to contact me about this, it would be vastly helpful if you could give me something, anything specific, as a starting point. i’ve thought so much about this, i thought i’d identified the problems, and i thought my actions showed that. but if they haven’t, then obviously i am missing something and i need help. if you could give me that, i would deeply appreciate it

EDIT: also pls no one comment on this unless you are a poc

#ask #anonymous #you know what one thing i do need to do better on is calling out whitewashing i will start doing that #also for a while i was tagging shitty fandom stuff as 'fandom bullshit'#i thought it evident the 'bullshit' referred to the bigotry being called out #but i realized it could come across as trivializing the matter so i've since changed that tag to 'da fandom'#since my efforts haveapparently not been enough i dont know how else to express my genuine desire to change than to ask for help

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that-trash08 · 4 years

Text

Backstage - Ch.2

-------------------------------

Heres the link if you havent read the first one: Part 1

Title: Backstage

Type: Angst to Fluff

Pairings: Analogical, past Prinxiety, Prinxiety

TW: Swearing, heartbreak(lemme know if there's anything else I should add)

Notes: Pink is both Roman and Virgil(keep reading to find out ;3), anything that {looks like this} is a character's thoughts

Summary: He thought they were inseparable. They both couldn't stand being away from each other. Guess Virgil had different ideas. One day Virgil had a little chat with Roman and it went south. Roman didn't take the news well and avoided Virgil for a while. As Roman was breaking, Virgil found light at the end of the dark tunnel, Logan. He and Virgil got together. And they were so happy. And Roman now has to watch from the side, feeling ever so hopeless that Virgil will change his mind.

-------------------------------

Previously: ...As Roman was shattering, Virgil asked, "Hey lo, can I talk to you? Alone?" Logan nodded and they went into the kitchen. Virgil knew this moment wasn't right, but he couldn't hold back any longer. He was going to confess to Logan and hope for the best.

---

Virgil and Logan walked into the kitchen. Virgil sat himself up on the counter and Logan leaned against the counter next to him. "So," Logan started, "What is it you needed to tell me?" Virgil started to play with his hands as his anxiety increased a little. {Okay, you got this! You can do this, just spot it out and hope for the best...but what about Roman? God this could hurt him more...GAH, WHY ARE FELLINGS SO DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH-} "You good there, Virgil? If it's something personal please, take all the time you need. I'll wait until you're ready to speak" Virgil was struggling to respond.

"Oh uh....yeah, sorry. I'm good...I'm just trying to get my thoughts together.." He thought about how he wanted to approach the topic, and with a heavy gulp, he spoke. "O-okay, so...I know this is sort of a wrong time but I just...I've been thinking recently and I..." the words fired in his throat. "I uh- I-I-" Logan raised a brow. {CODE RED! WHAT'RE YOU DOING MAN?! YOU'RE BLOWING IT!!! JUST SPIT IT OUT GOD DAMMIT!!} Shutting his eyes tightly, Virgil blurted out, "I LIKE YOU!" There was a moment of silence before any of them spoke.

"You...do.." Logan paused for a moment. "Do you mean it?"

"I, yeah..Yeah, of course I mean it! Why wouldn't I?" Virgil could of sworn he saw literal sparkles in Logan's eyes. A wide smile spread across Logan's face as he picked Virgil up off the counter top and spun him around. Virgil was a little surprised at first but both broke into smiles and giggles. Logan eventually put Virgil down and both were out of breath. They took a moment to regain their breath, and then Logan was the first to speak.

"I know I'm not great in the feelings department, but I feel so elated right now. I've felt the same way for quite a while now and I've never known how to say so. Especially since you were with Roman for so long-" He cut himself off. "Speaking of, aren't you two still together?"

Virgil sighed. "As of today, no... that's why if he seems off for while, that's the reason as to why. I just...I don't know. I felt like there was something missing...I felt like that thing missing was with you. I didn't want to lead him on and just hurt him more, so I did what I thought was the right thing...." Logan took a moment to process the information. "I see.. Well I understand, and if there's anything I can help you with, if gladly be there for you." He gave a soft smile. Virgil shared that same smile.

"And you say you're not good with emotions." Logan just shrugged.

"I'm better with some emotional things than others, I guess." After a fee more moments of chatting, they went back to the living room and sat next to each other.

"Ooh, what's going on here?" Patton teased, giving Logan and Virgil a knowing look. Both Logan and Virgil went to Patton for help with how they felt, and Patton did his best to give them the best advise he could. Virgil stuck his tongue out playfully while Logan just rolled his eyes. Patton gave a small giggle and congratulated them.

---

Over the span of days, to weeks, to months, Roman has been more and more down. Virgil was the love of his life. He put all his time and effort into their relationship, just fornit all to go down the drain. It killed him every time when he'd see Virgil cuddling with Logan on the couch, or when they'd hold hands under the table at dinner. He tried to deflect his pain any time someone asked him, "Are you okay?" He'd lie and say he was fine, but he wasn't. He just wasn't. He'd commonly think, {How do I erase you voice, your smile, and our memories? I loved you, I thought we were meant to be! This isn't fair, I still need you! I promise, I'll do better, just please, come back....please...} One night, it was really late, and everyone had gone to their rooms except for Logan and Virgil. They were going to have a movie night, just the two of them. Virgil was going to get a few things from his room when he heard Roman singing in his room. He decided to stand outside and listen, just to hear what he was singing.

Mercy, why you gotta show up, looking so good just to hurt me? Why you wanna stop this whole damn world from turning?

Mercy, why you hanging on so tight if this ain't working? Why you wanna stop this flame if its still burning? Cuz it's still burning...

So if you're gonna break my heart, just break it. And if you're gonna shot, then take it, take it! And if you've made up you're mind, then make it, make this fast...

If you ever loved me.... he paused and shakely sung the part. Have mercy...

Virgil put a hand over his mouth as tears sprung to his eyes. He heard Roman pick up again and kept listening.

If you go out tonight and get drunk and lonely...

Wind up home alone, please don't call me, and say you miss me...no...

Virgil quietly sung along to the next part as he heard Roman let loose. Roman didn't care for who heard him. He was hurting, and he needed to let it out.

If you're gonna break my heart, just break it! And if you're gonna take you're shot, then take it, take it! And if you've made up you're mind, then make it, make this fast...

If you ever loved me.... Have mercy!

As Roman continues to sing, Virgil can hear the shakiness in his voice. It's so painful to hear him like this... he thought. Roman started to whisper sing the next part:

If you're gonna break my heart, just break it... If you're gonna take your shot, take it...Take it,

Woah, if you're gonna break my heart, just break it. And if you're gnna take your shot, then take it, take it! And if you've made up your mind, then make it, make this fast...

If you ever loved me...mmm...

Roman paused, taking a break to collect himself. He was in so much hurt and pain he didn't know how to describe it.

If you ever loved me...have mercy...

Oh, have mercy...oh,have mercy...

Roman refused to sing the last line, so very quietly, Virgil finished it for him.

...Have mercy...

Virgil quickly and quietly went to his room to grab the needed materials and went downstairs to Logan. He put everything down on the floor and curled up next to Logan, starting to cry into his chest. "Stardust, what's wrong? What happened?" Virgil just shook his head and mumbled, "later..." Logan wrapped his arms around Virgil protectively, not wanting to ever let go. Logan quickly got up and got the blankets and remote, turning on the movie and making a protective cocoon around Virgil, holding him in his arms. They both fell asleep there, cuddled together.

---

In the middle of the night, Roman grew hungry and needed something, anything. He sighed and went downstairs, making sure to be quiet on the stairs to not wake anyone. To no surprise, he saw Virgil cuddled up to Logan on the couch. He made made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a jar of crofters. Was it their last jar? Yes, but he'd go out and get more in the morning. Or afternoon, whichever time he felt like going at. He grabbed a spoon as well and went upstairs. At the same moment, Virgil slowly woke up and got a glimpse at Roman. His gut twisted in all kinds of ways and he clung to Logan a little tighter.

In the Morning

Virgil woke up at morning and stretched and yawned. He went to say good morning to Logan but was met with the smell of breakfast. He followed his nose to the kitchen, where he saw Logan making breakfast. Virgil noticed there was some sort of secret hidden in his eyes, he just couldn't tell what it was. "Good morning, Stardust! I made you your favorite, pancakes with strawberries on the side." Logan gave a little smile and handed Virgil his plate. Virgil tried to give Logan a kiss on the cheek to thank him, but he shied away from it. Virgil didn't understand. He'd done it so many other times, why was this time different?

"Thank you, my moon shine. I appreciate this."Logan nodded and pulled out a seat for Virgil. Virgil sat down and Logan scooted his chair in. After Virgil was situated, he tool his seat at the table. Breakfast was quieter than usual. After eating, Virgil broke the silence.

"Logan, is there something wrong? You've been acting weird the whole morning..?

"How so?" Logan shot back.

"It's just...you seem conflicted about something. I sense there's something you need to say, but you don't know how to say it."

Logan looked confused. "It's nothing like that at all stardust. I was just thinking about last night. You came downstairs with tears in your eyes, ready to bust at any second. When I tried asking what was wrong, you just pushed the question away and held on a little tighter. I sensed it when Roman came down the stairs, cause you held on to me tighter. So what did he do to make you so upset?" Logan asked. {Shit, he's really worried, isn't he?} Virgil thought. He took a deep breath and explained everything. How he heard Roman singing, an only wanted to stick around to hear what song it was, but ended up staying until the very end. He mentioned how hurt Roman sounded, how he was barely able to keep himself together singing. As he ranted, he let his heart take over and accidentally admitted he missed Roman, and how even though he found the piece he was looking for, every other piece felt missing. Logan listened to it all and processed. Logan took in a small breath and started to speak. He couldn't believe what he was about to say.

---

Over the past couple of weeks, Logan started to notice the longing look whenever Virgil saw Roman. How apologetic he looked. How if Roman were to ask him to come back, he'd gently put him down and go back to Roman. Logan's been thinking about this for a while, and he thinks this is the right thing to do for the both of them.

---

"Look V, this has been in my mind for a while now, and I think it's time we part ways.. I don't want to hold you back and keep you waiting when there's someone who needs you right now. And don't worry about me, alright? I'm being completely honest when I say this, I'll be alright." He blushes a little bit and rubs the back of his neck with one hand. "I knew this might have happened within these past few weeks, and there's someone in mind I think I've, how do you say it? 'I think I've fallen for?'" Both of them giggled a little bit.

"You're sure you want to do this Lo?" Virgil asked. Logan reached out for Virgil's hand.

"Yeah, I'm sure." They both smiled and stood up, both giving each other a hug. After a bit they both let go. "Alright, go talk to him.. he needs you." Virgil gave him a gentle smile and quickly make his way to the stairs. He dashed up the stairs and made his way to Roman's room. He brought his hand up to the door, hesitating to knock. His hand hovered in the same position for a few minutes. {C'mon Virge, just knock! He'll..he'll answer the door, and you and Roman can talk things out and it'll be fine..yeah, everything will be fine..} he thought. He tried a few times to knock, but kept hesitating. {But wait, what if he won't listen to you? What if he hates you and doesn't even want to talk to you? What if he won't even give you the time of day to explain yourself and shuts you out and never speaks to you again and everything goes into a downward spiral and everyone will hate you for what you did?! } Virgil started to panic, his thoughts getting worse by the second. Before he could even second guess himself, he knocked on the door and waited for a response. He heard shuffling from the other side of the door and was surprised Roman actually opened the door.

Roman was surprised to see Virgil at his door. "Virgil..?" Roman asked. Before Roman could say anything more, Virgil spoke up.

"Roman, listen. I am so, so, so so sorry for everything. I didn't want to tell you at the time cause I was struggling to tell you how I felt on the day of the breakup, but I felt like there was a singular piece missing to my puzzle. I thought that maybe it was with Logan and at the time, it was. But then I realized that once I found the missing piece, it's like someone knocked the puzzle off the table and all the pieces went everywhere, loosing most of the pieces. I tried for awhile to hide it and be happy with Logan, but I just...I saw the way you'd look at us. I saw hurt and jelousy in your gaze. I get if you want to be mad at be right now, or you don't want to talk for a while, but Roman," Virgil paused. "Please promise once the cloid in yoyr heas is gone, you'll come back to me. I promise I won't leave again..I'll stay till the end of time..just please, come back to me..." Both of them stood in silence. Roman was shocked for what came out of Virgil's mouth. But that feeling quickly became happiness and he met Virgil's lips with his own. He wrapped his arms around the others waist. Virgil was surprised at first, but melted into it and wrapped his arms around the back of Roman's neck. They soon pulled away and Roman held on to Virgil tightly, never wanting to let go. In that moment, it was just the two of them. It felt right in that moment. So right. So perfect.

---

As the weeks went by, Roman's mood began to increase. At first, Virgil gave Roman his space, letting Roman get adjusted to the new fact that they were together again and he was no longer "backstage." At night, there were times where Roman woke up to not having Virgil there, and would sometimes forget that their relationship was once more. But he'd quickly remember and text Virgil. After a while though, the two grew closer again, and everything was back to almost normal. The next years for them were going to be amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh. My. God. After 20 million eons, it is finally here! I had so much fun writing this, but like I mentioned a few posts back, there was a lot of family shit getting in the way and it made me feel less motivated to do anything. I actually had this all written before and there were going to be other parts, but my dumb self accidently deleted it and so I had to restart. Then more family shit started to pop off and....yeah. Honestly, this came out way better than what I orginaly had. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed backstage! If there are any prompts or anything you'd like me or write let me know! I'd be glad to make them, I have a lot of fun writing this stuff. Alrighty, be safe guys, live you all so much!!❤

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #analogical #prinxiety

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tubb0 · 4 years

Text

stream liveblog: tommyinnit 8/22

I woke up literally a minute before he started so thats cool

he’s in a mood

he says he’s going to spend more time editing his videos (and upload less)

he also says his plan is two smp videos and then ‘something cool. something you might recognize’ 👀

oh so someone is building a tesck to compete with walmart. good.

theres a nether protal in tommys tower. he is not pleased

I just woke up idk whos been doing stuff but they’ve been quite busy

tommy is upset that tubbo was streaming with someone who ‘stole his brand’ (wearing a red t-shirt)

chat says his name is also tom

now hes in call with tubbo, yelling

‘you’re not just gonna go speak to this guy with more red in his shirt than me’

oh he hung up on tubbo

shippers will have a fierld day with this one (I desperately hope they don’t exist since these are children but yknow I’m sure they do)

you can see the corner of tommys bed when he fullscreens his facecam. he doesn’t have sheets or a mattress cover on his bed. do what you will with this (unless its weird then please dont)

tubbo_ has joined the game

tommy says he will ghost tubbo

also hey its fine to have a crush on tommy if you’re around his age but you dont have be weird and pushy about it

tubbo is doing the sad walk and tommy shot him

tommy: best friendship ended with tubbo. jack manifold is my new best friend

tubbo_ has left the game

chat is babying tubbo again :/

tubbo_ has joined the game

<tubbo_> sorry

tubbo_ has left the game

‘I always knew this day would come. thats why I was always mean to tubbo. I knew he would rob me.’

tubbo_ has joined the game

he left again... his spaghetti is ready

tommy is thinking of ways to but tubbo to work in order for them to earn back his friendship

wait did ponk steak tommys horse? I thought bbh did

anyways retrieve horsechamp

chat says niki lost ylyl because of tommy

wilbur was not pleased that she finds him funny (joking of course)

anyway niki is so pretty

it has just clicked for tommy that the horse is in fact his horse

oh hes on the run

tubbo has returned from eating his poggers spaghetti

tommy is stuck in a hole

tubbo: you know the pope? anyway heres my bee box!

tubbo keeps talking about the pope

tubbo has decided he doesn’t need tommys friendship and left the game

tommy says hes ‘like dream. his only friends are the numbers.’

he called tubbo and theyre both yelling now

tubbo claims to want more mature friends than tommy

tommy is accusing tubbo of being on drugs

the pope returns

‘this is like a divorce’ ‘yeah except I dont care’

they spent a second questioning catholicism

tubbo please why do you keep talking about the pope

tubbo brought up death and tommy shut that down real quick

tubbo out here with definitions

dream has joined the game

dream is only kind to tubbo and yet wont follow them back on twt

there something so endearing about hearing someone moving further from the mic when they laugh

chat is talking about the vlog gun so tommys watching wilburs stream

tommy: *upset about wilbur trying to break the vlog gun* tubbo: does this mean we can be together for mmc??

tommy hit tubbo of his balcony and now tubbo is regretting coming back online

tommy just murdered dream by hitting him with a minecart

ah fuck chat lost it and my streams starting to lag

skeppy is threatening to burn the doscs to avenge dreams death

tommy to tubbo: our friendship really hold this server together

did he lie?? absolutely not

deals are being made

well not really. tommy is trying to get a disc in exchange for dreams stuff

some pvp may occur

stream title has been changed to ‘war’ things are getting serious

tubbos wifi is failing us

oh the boys are fighting

a few thing happened in so little time but to summarize the way that tommy and tubbo trust eachother and silently cooperate is very cool. I aspire for this friendship.

for some reason its always so weird to me when I hear just dream talking to tommy and tubbo

I think its because drram is so stubborn and assertive but tommy does not care or put up with it so no matter what dream always seems to have the lowerhand which doesn’t happen often

I’m confused why is chat making such a big deal about wilbur ending his stream

ah a confrence with president soot

the other day everyone was afraid the server was dying but this seems like the start of another war

wilbursoot has joined the game

do you ever get so caught up in the drama of these stream and then it hits you that these are just a bunch of losers playing minecraft

wilbur... to be fair tommy didnt mean to kill dream... he warned him too

oh?

wilbur whispered to tommy to run while he was negotiating with dream and I think he told tubbo to kill dream but tubbo might also just be doing that for fun idk

dreams bringing up server rules... do it. ban tommy. your server will die immediately.

wilbur has scolded tommy and now tommy is ignoring him to plot with tubbo

sapnap!

I like the dynamic between tommy, tubbo and sapnap very much

sapnap has joined the game

oh my god I have to pee

lmao dream said tommy scams him often and tommy went 😬

‘everyone will call you bream for bitch dream’

tommy gave him his stuff

oh but some was never picked up

yikes dream is actually mad

damn tommy and skeppy are really going at it

chat says skeppy had the sword that dreams mad about uh oh

hehe tommy is very funny

tubbo is bargaining for tommy since dream killed him and is threatening his cow

if chat is right and skeppy actually has the sword hes pretty good at kying because I believe him but also I don’t know him well so

tommy is telling tubbo to kill skeppy now

aw skeppys stream sniping thats no fun

but anyway was that not the sword dream was looking for that tommy just showed in the chest????

so is sapnap on their side now? I think I missed something

no chat seems just as confused as me so

sapnap about betraying dream: it just seemed interesting idk

I think hes lying

chat has a point... I cant tell if tommy doesn’t realize or doesnt care that dream is watching his stream

wait that was cool

dream pearled away from sapnap but tommy saw the pearl and waited there so he could attack

ok but anyway while theyre chasing eachother around how did the minecart kill dream?? I’m pretty sure it does no damage and if I’m wrong dream was still in enchanted netherite and I doubt he was running around on like half a heart... unless he just did a /kill on himself for the drama??

tubbo broke all the ender chests and put them inside one... hes so smart

oh ok so tommy doesn’t care if dream is watching

fuck a bug flew in my eye

ponk and skeppy just reading the deaths in chat and making small comments lol

tubbo what

sapnap please

I’m very glad dream isnt in vc anymore because I bet he’s very upset and he gets scary sometimes

dont get me wrong I love him but yknow

oh no sapnap dont :(

tommy is getting so nervous about tubbos wifi going out because then itll be him against everyone else online lmao

tubbo: our relationship cannot be toxic because I am not in love with you :))

no tubbo not the pope again

tubbo please my head hurts

woah tubbo just killed tubbo while dream started killing him

oh he logged out and now dream is killing tommy

at this point dream is purposely not communicating with tommy and I’m getting nervous

oh hes back

go tubbo go

yknow what a man can do with 55 sticks?

tubbo accidentally locked himself in jail lmao

tommy is calling dream clay

he does not care

dream logged out (unrelated to above statements)

woah wait what tubbo is leading tommy somewhere secret that he cant even show on stream

tubbo you genius what do you have planned

tommy is playing his vlog to entertain stream while tubbo directs him to the secret

wtf tubbo

also they said sounds have to be off so I think the location might be in the nether or something because sounds will apparently give it away

dying is the only way they can leave??? but it cant be the end though right?

cuz like the achievements would show up

hmm

I don’t want to be too much of a snitch in case any of them actually are lurking on here but anyways tubbo is very epic

both tubbo and tommys mothers are teachers?

but they have a point dont skip your classes to watch someone play minecraft!

tubbo is such a good friend

they also say their in a tournament on the 31st so look forward to it

tommy is really throwing shade at shippers this stream. good for him.

oh and lowkey dnf shade too haha

ha tubbo almost leaked one of tommys video ideas

tubbo just wants to play fall guys

tommy is too self aware

but also he has a point. chat always sides with tubbo because they baby him

its kinda weird ngl

ahh my wifis going out :(

they’re watching the sunrise on tommys balcony while listening to blocks

oop tommy ended the stream because chat was being weird

gg tommy

anyway good stream go check it out if you havent already because I left some stuff out either because I type too slow or didn’t want to leak secrets :))

#stream highlights #tommyinnit #stream liveblog #dream smp #tubbo #dream #sapnap #skeppy #ponk #uhh that should be everyone who was online #oh #wilbur soot #mcyt #cw swearing

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no-no-no-ahhhh · 4 years

Text

I'm having bad anxiety so I'm just going to answer these questions rn

Okay so when having anxiety I over think and I barely have any friends so I thought if using these questions to keep my mind off things and it kinda works it's also why some are long because I'm trying my best to think about other things then my stress. Maybe some of yall can try this if you want. Could help idk

Questions belong to @tr33-g1rl

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Soda cans

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

I LOVE chocolate bro

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Cotton candy because let's all be honest bubble gum doesn't even tast good so that just leaves texture and cotton candy dissolves abs you could always have normal gum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Some would say nice hard working smart and dyslexic but that's what they say not actually think

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I've never really had the soda bottles but for now Ig soda cans because I feel like it keeps it fresher then the plastic and plastic is bad

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Umm out of all these ig tomboy my style that I try to go for more rn is kinda like bille eyelash baddie style

7. earbuds or headphones?

Def earbuds cuz headphones if left on too long start hurting and squeezing my head

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows 100% I cant consum media for long (my anxiety)so cartoons are the best for me because they're usually 11 minutes and light hearted

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Hmm this is good question in my head summer looks so good ahh but I've never really had a sent for it cuz the past few years I've been in my room but I love the sun oh and you know when your about to go in the pool and you can smell the Clorox mixed with the sun block and that smell just smells like a soft nice energy and there is this one tropical sent havent really smelt it in years I remember the one time I got to smell it was in middle school in the girls locker room so ig it was a perfume idk if it was really associated with summer or it was just tropical perfume my mom could spray on anytime of the year

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Lol none I hated p.e I was also pretty tall at the time so people expected me to play but I just wanted to hide in the corner

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Well I don't really like breakfast that much I think food in the morning makes me nauseous but I have to eat it cuz I can't eat school lunch food cuz that shit is nasty but breakfast school food is 😉 so I usually get banana bread and good ass duch chocolate milk

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Por Vida is one of my favorite albums if that counts

13. lanyard or key ring?

I hate things being around my neck so key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Mexican candy

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

The outsiders

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Your butt relaxing ig and not hunched over idk how some people do their work not hunched over like how do you see what your working on

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

These white Adidas with 3 halo strips and tan boots

18. ideal weather?

To wear you can soak in the sun but not have it burn you right when you go outside and kinda breezy not a fan of the cold and whatever weather that isn't effected by global warming is the best

19. sleeping position?

I always try not to sleep on my back cuz then they say that the demons come for you

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

I have a lot of journals and books to write

21. obsession from childhood?

My little pet shops, barbies, fnaf, teen titans, monster high dolls, beanie babes, never brats or the ever after high dolls cuz I had a fear of big heads as a kid

22. role model?

Em their are not many people to look up to these days but Quenlin Blackwell is even though she struggles with depression and seasonal depression she still is a qween love her

23. strange habits?

24. favorite crystal?

Hmm maybe amethyst one of the only ones I have

25. first song you remember hearing?

No idea

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Be in the sun

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Not have the seasonal depression come for me

38. lemonade or tea?

Lemonade bro tea is kinda weak and for BrItish blocks , but today I did have a bunch of lemons and they got me sick cuz I dont have a healthy balanced diet if anybody knows simple healthy recipes that have little to no cooking pls share

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

I've never actually have had lemon pie but I have been thinking about making pie. I've had peacon pie and water burger apple pie and McDonald's apple pie and I think another fast food pie but I can't remember the flavor. I know the other flavor exist because my mom order a different pie flavor from me once and she said we can both try each others. Maybe it was lemon. I think lemon tast is quit forgettable thow idk I always put other things on my lemon and lemonade has all that sugar and speaking of Britain I think they carbonate their lemons . But I think I've only had lemon cake 2 times , so if the cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

School is lame and that's on period pooh

41. last person you texted?

Umm this girl I barely know and I'm going to leave it at that cuz this story makes me kinda sad and worried and I'm answering these questions to avoid that

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Hmm good question , I think jacket because they are bigger and girl Jean's have the pockets different to make the booty look better and sometimes that leads to uncomfortable pockets and front pockets barely exit for girls and jackets sometimes have those secret pockets only you have assess too like the ones on the inside and jacket pockets are bigger

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

1. hoodies are good for when you dont have a bra on and they come with one BIG pocket and you dont need to worry about a shirt

2. Leather jackets are for cool kidz and carry a nice vibe and still thick enough to keep you warm , but you can't really get them wet I think so you can't wash em , but they can come with cool designs on the back but their better fitted on perfectly on a person and if you grow they just look odd on you then you have to buy another and that's not fun

3.Bomber jacket , it's a whole style but one I try to pull of but just cant do it well

4.Cardigans kinda umm not a fan but good if your wearing a dress that's shows your shoulders and you are insecure about that being shown. Remember when somewhere in the 2000s they told us that cardigans where so easy to put on and throw more into your outfit so people bought quit a few. I do

5.I feel like jeans jackets aren't warm enough maybe their more for the summer?

44. favorite scent for soap?

Hmm maybe something tropical or just those cool lavender ones that have oats that's cool I like oats in my soap

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

I hate sci-fi uhhhg and super hero kinda ties in with that so fantasy and when reading fan fic just sweet simple domestic fluff

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Hmm not sure but the shirt has to be soft. I only experience soft shirts like that few times in my life

47. favorite type of cheese?

Mexican cheese and blue cheese uhg and mozzarella with that crust, yum🤤

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? Errrum maybe a watermelon cuz they are very hydrated. Oh and watermelon with the big black seeds is better then that soul less watermelon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

None dawg I really need to find one but I do have a lot written down In a book

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Omg my aunt had some funny looking ass dogs I couldn't stop laughing. One of her dogs hate me tho now

51. current stresses? I dont want to talk about it cuz I dont want to worry but I was crying for more then 6 hours probably 8 when I think about it and then today as well and it's so bad I'm not even going to school

52. favorite font? I like the one kali uchis uses in one of her albums I think it's called fairy tell or something

53. what is the current state of your hands?pretty dry cuz I wash them alot and kinda long nails cuz of genetics

54. what did you learn from your first job?

I havent had a first job

55. favorite fairy tale?

Hmmm something with the tooth fairy

56. favorite tradition?

Idk holidays cuz I get school off

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Depression and I would say anxiety but no

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I dont have any talents

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Uuuuyg idk too stressed to really think that I dont even know what type of video game I would be in

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

nothing stressful maybe something calm like a farm anime, some light magic, pokemon things like that

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

I was never ment to live life like a sim - megan the stallion

62. seven characters you relate to?

Anybody with anxiety, kinda pearl from Steven universe, the nerdy part of dipper from gravity falls , Roman from sander sides if virgil too sense he has anxiety okay and that's all I can think of I think early I said I dont really watch media or stuff so yeah

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Gosolina kali uchis songs and bank account that's all I can think about rn

64. favorite website from your childhood?64. favorite website from your childhood?

Y8 brooo oh and there was Disney or Nickelodeon websites you know that show with the hands and they had the googly eyes they had a g as new for that loved it and for Disney they had zack and cody games on their website and it's not a website but the one thing on windows that would work without wifi you know and you could make cakes and give them faces and try matching the cards

65. any permanent scars?

One time a cat scratched me more the like 8 years ago and I can still faintly see the mark

66. favorite flower(s)?

The one that grows on the cactus

67. good luck charms?

I know a rabbits foot is one and 4 leaf clovers,and markipliers flannel. I sadly dont have any personal good luck charms

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

I don't want to talk about bad foods rn cut the cameras

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

idk I think I can vaguely remember every facts orgin that I know

70. left or right handed?

Basic right handed but my dad used to be left but then the school forced him to be right

71. least favorite pattern?

Anything 80s uhg that shit is disgusting and terrifying

72. worst subject?

Chemistry but I just got out of that so that's fun

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

People day hot cheetos and sour cream is odd but I like it . I would wat some rn but I think I got sick cuz of my poor diet so I'm not. Someone pls suggested simple easy foods for your girl who can cook

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

1 I am big baby

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I dont know

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Tater tots are good and fries

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Idk no green thumb

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Idk ig coffee

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Theirs a difference?

82. pc or console?

Console it's just simpler

83. writing or drawing?

Uhhheg ig drawing I'm bad at grammar

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcast, podcast are just more plans out then talk radio and talk radio is a morning thing and I'm not the biggest fan of mornings

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Fairy tales mythology kinda ruff ya know

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies their just more sturdy and their is always normal cake

87. your greatest fear?

Tooo many things and I'm having an anxiety attack right now so like no

88. your greatest wish?

Well it's cute and all idk to live peacefully is one part the other parts a secret for now

X.o.x.o gossip girl ya know ya love me

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Umm maybe myself Idk

90. luckiest mistake?

One time my mom ordered a foam sord for my brother and a real one came. It was some anime sword

91. boxes or bags?

Bags cuz they look cute and you can take em every where with you. Disposable I would have to say boxes tho because its less damaging to the environment

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight is so warm and it fills something inside of me makes me feel cozy

Lamps are great for when sleeping and your scared of the dark

Fairy lights are cute but are they neccessary

Overhead lights are good for when you just need light in your life

Am I the only one who gets sad and sometimes cant clean if it's dark in the house?

94. favorite season?

Summer I think. I know it's harder for me to function in the winter cuz depression but then summer is anxiety sometimes ya know

95. favorite app on your phone?

Littetly no idea I don't really love/like the things on my phone if their more distractions or time wasters but I do love how I can search up useful things on YouTube to try to calm down my anxiety and I was definitely not a fan of tumblr at all but I kind have made it my safe place a bit

96. desktop background?

Well the computers my dad's so it has deadpool on i

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Barely 2 ,I am kinda a dummy sorry unggv

98. favorite historical era?

Well idk heehaww cowboys?

#trifle utters #misspelling because ya girls pretty stressed #im just trying to cope rn so dont cap on me

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boojersey · 5 years

Note

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

#LONG POST #KAY I LOVE U BUT HOLY SHIT MY FOLLOWERS ARE GONNA GET MOTION SICKNESS FROM SCROLLING PAST THIS AT LIGHTNING SPEED #saltwaterfox

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reddeaddenial · 5 years

Note

A, G, and S for the boiiisssszzz (I'm sorry if its long setdfyguhij)

Nonono dont apologize, i loooove answering long questions like this! It really makes me think about my ocs and helps develop them more!

ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

A: Aptitude1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

Nick has always had very quick reflexes. They most likely developed while he was pushing himself to get stronger when he was recovering from his childhood illness. Or maybe they were there all along and he finally had a healthy body to show for it. This of course carried over into him quickly being able to point and shoot, engage quickly with enemies. He’s got terrific aim, but that’s something he’s practiced with over the years.

Leo is just… Leo. He understands and learns very quickly even from a young age. He learned to read very well early in life and impressed his tutors with his quick knowledge of math. He just retains everything like a sponge. Buuut he comes off simple because of his lack of understanding of social interactions. But i think the most natural ability he has is his way of thinking strategically. He’s been beating his brothers at chess for yeaaars lol And he’s been a massive help to his old gang leader when helping plan out robberies.

Theo is a natural charmer. he’s been able to tell since he could talk who and what he can get away with by reading the situation in a room. That only got better the older he got. He became the trio’s negotiator for most things. Hell surprisingly he’s the one that knows more than one language!

2. what activities have they participated in?

I’m not really sure what this is defining as activities. So I’ll just go with the RDR2 theme of it. Target contests for sure wit Nick, I bet he’s one quite a bit of cash at those. Leo has gone and done several horse races and hasn’t done too bad there. Theo on multiple occasions has gotten an entire saloon shitfaced and basically they become big parties and everyone having a great time and Theo is gettin’ the juiciest gossip about new places and stores to rob. >:3

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

Nick it’s his aim. Before the outlaw life, they were all pretty sheltered and weren’t around lots of guns and such, so while he had the natural reflexes of a gunslinger, he hadn’t the aim. that was built up over lots of hard work and determination to protect his brother. He became pretty adept at it roughly 3 years in. He had to be, for them to survive. He also had to work to learn to cook for him and his brothers. Living on the road, they didn’t know much about food. It was a lot of trial and error, lots of food poisoning lol But now hes the best cook among the three, which isnt saying too much, but he at least knows how to season venison lol.

Leo had definitely had to work with his ability to shoot a gun, or use weapons in general. He learned the gun out of necessity thanks to Nick’s coaxing, but he’s surprisingly more comfortable throwing axes than using guns lol. He’s just just honestly the most uneasy around guns because of the business they had with their dad and the trio shooting him, even if it was on accident.

Theo had to work a lot with his knife throwing and just knives in general. He’;s got a lot of visible scars littered about his hands from a lot of failed attempts from some bullshit or another. But he’s gun a lot of dumb luck, like he’d throw a knife at an enemy and the handle hits the man instead of the blade. BUT he hit it so hard and in the back of the head, the guy goes unconscious instead lol

4. what things are they bad at?

Lol Oh man, so much. Like mentioned before, the other two boys cant cook for shit. They gotta live off of canned food or leftovers if Nick’s not around. Nick can’t patch up his own clothes, he sucks at sewing, just gets confused at what he’s looking at, one time he sewed the sleeve of his shirt completely shut, that had Theo and Leo in hysterics at his own expense. Leo as we know isn’t good with communicating well with others. He either comes off stupid or arrogant to strangers, neither is a good scenario. Theo in particular, sucks at stakeouts, or just waiting around doing nothing, he gets very fidgety and wants to talk. So he’s been forced to find ways to entertain himself with like a book or playing cats cradle

5. what is their most impressive talent?

For Nick it’s definitely his gunslinging. He’s quite proud of how well he can shoot.

For Theo, probably his medical work. He’s very quick and knows where to cute, and get you nice and buzzed on booze so it’s not too bad. He’s gone as so quickly to remove a bullet, sanitize, stitch and wrap a wound in less than ten minutes, he’s got it down to an art, it’s like removing a splinter to him lol

Leo it would be his brilliant plans. Like he may be quiet, but he is the most sly and creative of the group. I won’t go in too much detail cuz I have some great ideas he’s gonna implement in future chapters. But his brain is gonna have people go ‘well shit why havent we thought of that sooner?’ >:3c

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

The twins like to tease that it’s Nick’s babyface and blonde hair. He just scowls and yanks them down into a headlock lmao. But honestly all the boys got those pretty ‘Teale Green’ eyes, that draw people in.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

Theo’s is his humor and empathy with others. Leo’s is… well I guess some people would be into the quiet listener type? Nick well… honestly he’s a bit prickly but he has some good morals underneath all that. I think the best part of his personality is standing up and protecting others I suppose. :p

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

Oh boy well basically you get the infinite protection of these three. They’re loyal to a fault and will back you up in any situation. When they bond to people, it’s family. And you treat family right. Of course with that, you gotta put up with Theo’s shenanigans, Leo desperately wanting someone else to thrash at chess, and Nick’s paranoid grumpy ass. But they’re good boys who treat their friends right. ;w;

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

Theo hates that he cares too much about what people think, he can be easily antagonized sometimes because of it. He also has his moments where he just gets into this depressive spiral about how they’ve turned into murderers and thieves and his brothers gotta shake him outa it. He does like how tall he is though, it impresses the ladies and works for a good intimidation tactic :p Leo sometimes hates how identical he and Theo are, because people mistake him for Theo and get weird about how different and quiet he acts, he gets very self conscious about it some days, but hes usually ok. But in the same thought process, its something that he also likes about himself that he and Theo are identical. Idk its a bit of a crisis for him lol

Nick has some Arthur Moods™ when it comes to himself. He looks younger and smaller compared to his brothers some days, he hates the scar on his nose, reminds him of his dear ol dad who put it there, gets kinda self conscious about it too. One thing he suppose he likes about himself is his hair. Little secret, but he keeps good care of that shit, keep it nice and soft, will sometimes tie it back too. The twins tease him on occasion but not too much, else he’ll hide it all under a hat lol

5. what parts of others do they envy?

Nick of course envies his brother’s heights a lot, envies anyone who’s taller than him really. He also just envies people who can just be so carefree even in the darkest of time. He just hyperfixates on the worst a lot.

Theo envies Nick’s ability to shoot and hunt. They’re useful skills to have as an outlaw that he just hasn’t mastered too well. But at least he’s got his knives! :) Leo envies anyone who can just speak their mind to others so easily. How can they condense all their thoughts into just a few sentences? How do they flawlessly move through unspoken social etiquette? It’s a mystery Leo wishes one day he too will understand.

S: Streets1. are they street-smart?

They definitely weren’t at first! Sheltered boys practically caged up on their father’s property, only learning about the real world after they shot the man? Yeah they had a lot of learning to do and they learned through a lot of mistake son their part. But ten years have come and gone and they’re definitely a lot more street smart now.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Probably, they know how that life is like. That first year on their own was very rough on them and they sympathize with the normal poor citizens having more morals than themselves to not go robbing people like they did.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

Oh definitely! Sometime Theo’s placating nature just riles up people more and shit happens. But he’s got his brothers to back him up. Also on that note, someone trying to mess with Nick and Nick being the unsociable cactus that he is, makes things worse. Next thing you know, someone pulls out a knife and Nick’s curb stomping the guy who called him girly. Y’know, shit happens. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

Lmao see above.

5. are they cautious when out?

They’re always cautious thanks to Nick’s incessant lectures about watching their backs and always being aware of the law.

#this was so fun omg #cometoceantrenches #ask #teale brothers #teale lore

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forethan21 · 3 years

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18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way.

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this?

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

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ocean-butch · 6 years

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Hellllo :)) 10-150 if you’re up for a challenge Goodluck 😁

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“i rlly hope he’s the murderer”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?molecules, HNLY, wanna be missed, let it be, and what i need, all from Expectations by hayley kiyoko

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?yes ofc

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?luck yes miracles no

15. What good thing happened this summer?idk i had a good time, i traveled, it was fun!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?i never kissed anyone besides boys so nah

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?ofc i mean cmon who doesnt know that

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?yes!! i love her dearly and shes a great friend

19. Do you like bubble baths?OFC

20. Do you like your neighbors?i dont rlly know them tbh

21. What are you bad habits?isolating myself and basically everything i do

22. Where would you like to travel?everywhere but mainly atlanta bc i wanna meetmy best friend

23. Do you have trust issues?nah i trust too easily

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?the feeling of getting home

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?all of it tbh

26. What do you do when you wake up?check my phone, usually tumblr first

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?nah im good

28. Who are you most comfortable around?not really ””around”” but abby

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?once yeah, but then she broke up w me again LMAO

30. Do you ever want to get married?OBVIOUSLY CAN U IMAGINE HAVING A WIFE I MEAN WOW WHAT A DREAM

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?not really, only if its just the top

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?kay awkward imma skip that cuz im a minor

33. Spell your name with your chin.vabfirls (its supposed to be gabriela lol)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?i know how to play soccer and volley and some other shit but i dont really actually play them. however, i do snowboard.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?tv, i actually didnt have a tv until 2 months ago (but i did have them when i lived w my dad)

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?yep

37. What do you say during awkward silences?idk i just try to come up w something, it could be anything depending on the person

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?someone funny, who is easy to talk to and is passionate and caring. someone who’ll show me that i mean everything to them and who isnt scared to be affectionate. i have a tag for this called “my dream girl” so its all there

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?i dont shop like at all so basically starbucks lmao

40. What do you want to do after high school?move out of this awful country

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?im not sure. maybe, but not always with the same person. but tbqh probably not everyone

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?it can mean a lot of thigs, but usually that im rlly depressed/lonely

43. Do you smile at strangers?yes!!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?both tf (but i’ve already been to the bottom of the ocean many times so getting to know space would be pretty fucking cool)

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?the thought of not having to go to school anymore in like 7 months if i just get this right

46. What are you paranoid about?e v e r y t h i n g but mostly ppl hating me and leaving me

47. Have you ever been high?nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?i dont think so no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?dark blue

51. Ever wished you were someone else?all the time dude

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?myself lmao

53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont rlly know any makeup brands tbh i dont use it

54. Favourite store?again, starbucks

55. Favourite blog?oh noooo this is too specific there are too many but i guess i’d put my best friend bc her blog is awesome and yall should follow her its @saveabby

56. Favourite colour?blue & purple

57. Favourite food?sushi!!!!!!!!!!!!

58. Last thing you ate?açaí

59. First thing you ate this morning?a cereal bar? is this what theyre called?? im not sure

60. Ever won a competition? For what?yeah i guess some school things about sports n shit when i was younger

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?god no im a good student

62. Been arrested? For what?JESUS CHILL IM 16

63. Ever been in love?yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?actually i dont remember i was young and it was at a time where 3 boys liked me and i kinda dated (like kid dating but still) 2 of them and i dont remember which one was first BUT it doesnt matter bc i dont like to count kissing boys so i havent had one yet

65. Are you hungry right now?always lmao

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?well i like different people in different degrees, some being from tumblr, some being from irl. its a mixed list.

67. Facebook or Twitter?twitter duh

68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?almost, im watching psych on my laptop

70. Names of your bestfriends?abby from tumblr, marie irl

71. Craving something? What?yes, chocolate

72. What colour are your towels?theres a green one, a blue one and a white one

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?it can vary from 0 to 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?very rarely but its bc theyre at my room at my dad’s place and even when i sleep there i usually sleep at my brother’s room but i do like stuffed animals

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?not many, maybe 3 idk

75. Favourite animal?felinesss

76. What colour is your underwear?im not wearing any but dont go thinking shit, im just on my pjs

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?it depends but in general chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?its like a chocolate shavings thing that we have in brazil. idk if they have it in other countries and if they do idk what its called

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?white

80. What colour pants?no pants jeez

81. Favourite tv show?X-FILES

82. Favourite movie?SNXJSNXKSNSJSJDJSJXJS P R I D E & P R E J U D I C E (2005) PNP OKAY PRIDE & PREJUDICE THANK U FOR THIS QUESTION

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?i dont think i’ve seen the 2nd

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?21 jump street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?i only watched that movie once and i dont remember much about it tbh

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?dory

87. First person you talked to today?melissa

88. Last person you talked to today?until now it was elle

89. Name a person you hate?donald trump

90. Name a person you love?guess? thats right, abby

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?not especially but i’m always wanting to punch my dad tbh

92. In a fight with someone?what?? if u mean “ever been…” then yes, my brother

93. How many sweatpants do you have?none :((

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?oooo a lot, but i only use 1 bc its my fave

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?“One evening at dusk, I came upon my friend.”

#omg i did it #mine #answered #anon

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theredheaddevil · 4 years

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fuck it 70 questions

this has been in my drafts for 2 years so im impulsively doing it now og post

full thing under the cut cuz its long and super out of date

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? nah, kinda sketch, but bareable these days 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? v 03: Do you regret anything? i regret eating an entire bag of fudge earlier... i feel kinda sick rn 04: Are you insecure? sometimes. but mostly about uh typing which is wack considering im doing this 05: What is your relationship status? single, but i have a qpp. 06: How do you want to die? [redacted] 07: What did you last eat? fudge... so much friggin fudge 08: Played any sports? sorta but not in a while now 09: Do you bite your nails? nah, shits gross 10: When was your last physical fight? probs a controlled spar a year or two back but other than that i havent really been in fights to my knowledge 11: Do you like someone? platonically aye 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? ye sleep deprivation 101 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? yeah but mentioning them is petty an shit aint worth the emotional labour 14: Do you miss someone? yeah. 15: Have any pets? technically no but my mother has a rabbit an hes basically mine 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? lil tired, melancholy ?? bit with a bit of dread ?? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? nope 18: Are you scared of spiders? nah, but i wont pick them up after a certain size 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? ye 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? the information youre lookin for aint here, never have done an idk if i ever will 21: What are your plans for this weekend? uh idk tbh so heres my plans for tomorrow. -dye my hair - go out for coffee - paint - look at the uni notes, maybe stare into space - phone the doctor 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? no and 0 23: Do you have piercings? How many? yes and 8 currently but i want more 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? art, english and at one point i was good at history tho tbh i was cheating with the dates 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? occasionally 26: What are you craving right now? mouthwash 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? at this point with how some folk have reacted when ive turned them down, probably 28: Have you ever been cheated on? nope 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? never dated 30: What’s irritating you right now? the length of my hair 31: Does somebody love you? as edgy as this sounds, i sure hope not? i dont vibe 32: What is your favourite color? hard to say, red, blue and yellow r what i say. 33: Do you have trust issues? we dont talk about that 34: Who/what was your last dream about? y last dream was actually an apocalypse one. so a lot of faces of folk i dont know with a lot of dread but a peak time ngl 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? my brother i think? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? sometimes, but usually when i say something is final its final 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget 38: Is this year the best year of your life? nope but i dont wanna say one point is objectively better 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? data not found cuz shit hasnt happened 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? nope 51: Favourite food? nah, 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? depends on the circumstance 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? read fanfiction cuz bih i read a surprising amount 54: Is cheating ever okay? an exam , yeah duh on someone, noooooooooooooo jesus 55: Are you mean? sometimes but usually for good reason i feel 56: How many people have you fist fought? if sparing counts ... a lot 57: Do you believe in true love? not really ???? 58: Favourite weather? i love snow, rain, thunderstorms an when is fookin windy 59: Do you like the snow? yeas 60: Do you wanna get married? not really? it always feels like such a wacky thing financially an socially for something that you shouldn't need to “prove” but tbh i dont really understand a lot of things with relationships 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? ... no 62: What makes you happy? i like to draw, an tbh i good fic 63: Would you change your name? yeah, ive done so and id do it again 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? never have done so there is not last person 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? this post is old af. the answer is nothing, theyre still my friend 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? not really nah 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? i dont know tbh 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? idk deep conversations aint something i have these days. 69: Do you believe in soulmates? nope! but it is usually a fun story trope for comedy 70: Is there anyone you would die for? nah ?

okay christ this was outdated more so than i thought. idk why i wanted to do this 2 years ago but eh its done now an tbh if you read this i have questions and all of them r “why?????????”

#ginger speaks #text post

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twerkhammett · 6 years

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1-154

Holy fuck, good thing I have a long train ride😂1. Full nameAngelica DeLillo2. Age213. 3 fearsFailure, getting snatched up one of these nights im on the train alone, losing the people i care about4. 3 things I loveNik, food, and our cat5. 4 turn onsBiting, slapping (ass face and tits), being tied up or held down, and when he gets that mean look on his face and i know hes gonna be really rough with me ugh6. 4 turn offsI have had these experiences with almost every person I've been with except Nik..bad hygiene, being rushed (you cum yet?), bad oral and when i tell them what would feel good they dont listen..and worst of all sex that feels half assed. They just want to cum real quick, theres no passion or effort, they don't care if they please you at all. Fucking horrible..7. My best friendIn cali my best friend here besides Nik is Ashley, and I get to live with them both its awesome! In Florida I cant choose one cuz ive known them all forever and love those dudes..Mels, Denzel, Brauston, and Alicia8. Sexual orientationBisexual9. My best first dateWith Nikolas obviously 😉10. How tall i am5'611. What do I missMy friends and family back home12: What time were I born3:55pm13: Favourite colorGreen14: Do I have a crushOn my boyfriend😂15: Favourite quoteIdk man16: Favourite placeHard to choose one, maybe my bed😂17: Favourite foodI hate favorites..pizza and wings18: Do I use sarcasmNever :)19: What am I listening to right nowSlayer 20: First thing I notice in new personIf they're fuckin rude or not21: Shoe size822: Eye colorBrown23: Hair colorLight brownish? Auburn?24: Favourite style of clothingBlack25: Ever done a prank call?Yup27: Meaning behind my URLKirk twerkin28: Favourite movieKung Fury29: Favourite songCant choose30: Favourite bandStill cant choose my dude31: How I feel right nowMeh32: Someone I loveNik33: My current relationship statusIn love af its disgusting34: My relationship with my parentsPretty good these days35: Favourite holidayHalloween36: Tattoos and piercing i haveNips, lips, and ears37: Tattoos and piercing i wantA lot, whenever i get the money..38: The reason I joined TumblrMels made me join lol39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?I don't think he hates me, but i hate his bitch ass..40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used to get them from Nik but we live together so now he can just tell me lol41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?This morning42: When did I last hold hands?Yesterday43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?15mins, its caffeinating myself that can take time44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?Noooope45: Where am I right now?On BART46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?Nik, been a while since thats happened tho47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Loud48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Nope49: Am I excited for anything?For class to be over so i can relax lol...haven't even got there yet50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?Nik, Denzel, Brauston51: How often do I wear a fake smile?At work lmao52: When was the last time I hugged someone?Does my cat count? An hour ago lol53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?This would never happen, but I would go to jail if it did lol54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Not that i know of?55: What is something I disliked about today?Nik had to work early and I've been sexually frustrated af56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?James57: What do I think about most?Nik and food are tied i think58: What’s my strangest talent?Idk59: Do I have any strange phobias?Eh not really60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Behind61: What was the last lie I told?Not sure, probably at work lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?On the phone63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Aliens yeah64: Do I believe in magic?Nah65: Do I believe in luck?Not really66: What’s the weather like right now?64 and clear skys67: What was the last book I’ve read?Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?Yesss69: Do I have any nicknames?Besides the ones Nik has for me no70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?Cut my knee open71: Do I spend money or save it?That shits gone pretty fast dont get to spend it on anything fun tho haha72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?Nah73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?My backpack has some pink on it74: Favourite animal?My cat😂75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Fucking76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?Trump77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Nightcrawler78: How can you win my heart?Be Nikolas or James Hetfield79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Nothing80: What is my favorite word?Fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrIdk man i like a lot of yall82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?Someone please assasinate the orange one83: Do I have any relatives in jail?Not that i know of84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Invisibility or time travel85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Not sure86: What is my current desktop picture?Some nature pic bc i havent change it87: Had sex?On a daily basis my dude88: Bought condoms?Yes89: Gotten pregnant?No90: Failed a class?Yup91: Kissed a boy?Yup92: Kissed a girl?Yep93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes, Nik94: Had job?Sadly95: Left the house without my wallet?Fucking yes!!!96: Bullied someone on the internet?No lol97: Had sex in public?A few days ago lmao98: Played on a sports team?Yep99: Smoked weed?This is where my extra money goes..sigh100: Did drugs?Nothing crazy but yeah101: Smoked cigarettes?Yes102: Drank alcohol?Yeah103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?Noo104: Been overweight?Nope105: Been underweight?Nope106: Been to a wedding?Yep107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?Yes lol108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?Yeah109: Been outside my home country?Not yet, but I plan on it110: Gotten my heart broken?Yeah couple years ago111: Been to a professional sports game?Yep112: Broken a bone?My finger lol113: Cut myself?A while ago114: Been to prom?Nope115: Been in airplane?Yes116: Fly by helicopter?No but I want to!!117: What concerts have I been to?Megadeth, Metallica, Exodus, Testament, Carcass, Slayer, Midnight, Kreator, Obituary, Children of Bodom, Rammstein, and a few more but those were the best ones118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Quite a few times119: Learned another language?Some German and some ASL120: Wore make up?I wear mascara121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yeah122: Had oral sex?Yupppppp123: Dyed my hair?Yes124: Voted in a presidential election?Yep!125: Rode in an ambulance?Nope126: Had a surgery?No127: Met someone famous?Nope128: Stalked someone on a social network?A while ago hahah129: Peed outside?Yep130: Been fishing?Yes131: Helped with charity?I donate to greenpeace monthly132: Been rejected by a crush?Sorta133: Broken a mirror?Im sure I have, I def had a big ass mirror fall on my fuckin head one time tho!134: What do I want for birthday?Some dick😂135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?2 max, no idea about names, havent thought about it much136: Was I named after anyone?No137: Do I like my handwriting?Its a bit sloppy but yeah138: What was my favourite toy as a child?Barbies lol139: Favourite Tv Show?DBZ😂140: Where do I want to live when older?The forest, somewhere in Colorado maybe141: Play any musical instrument?Not well lol142: One of my scars, how did I get it?Accidentally stabbed myself at work143: Favourite pizza toping?Mushrooms144: Am I afraid of the dark?No, I need it to sleep145: Am I afraid of heights?A bit146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes lmao, many times by my dad usually147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Did you mean my last relationship😂😂148: What I’m really bad atProcrastination149: What my greatest achievments areGetting the fuck out of fl, some of my artwork, learning to cope with my depression150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meProb something my ex said lol151: What I’d do if I won in a lotteryQuit my job, build a house, and open a cave bar (me and Ashley were just talkin about that)152: What do I like about myselfWell i guess i never stop trying even tho i fuck up a lot hahah153: My closest Tumblr friend@stalkhome-sindrone probably😁154: Something I fantasise aboutA stable income...Thanks for that big ass ask my anonymous dude!!😂To the rest of my followers, sorry for the long post and some of the tmi questions😊

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