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clockwayswrites · 1 year

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Like Betta Fish Do - Part 9

Masterpost of ao3 link and all parts. wc: 2920

Jason hated Danny, a little. The other had really (accidentally) downplayed the effect the ectoshot would have. Flu like symptoms his ass, Jason felt like his insides were trying to crawl their way to the outside. Danny had apologized profusely and frequently, and Jason had forgiven him. Still, he hated Danny a little for doing this to him. Danny earned a lot of points back, though, by acting as Jason’s personal ice pack through the worst of the fever. Jason spent a lot of hours with his head or chest pressed against Danny’s cold back as he lay, miserable, on the couch with Danny sat on the floor in front of it. It was even nicer when Danny would absently run cold fingers through Jason’s hair and scratch lightly at his scalp. Jason tried not to think about how good that felt. How easy it was to let Danny touch him. He was determined to just blame the fever and ignore how his very bones seemed to hum in pleasure at the contact. Or maybe it was Danny humming. Purring? Fuck this fever, seriously.

So Jason sat close to Danny and Danny spent most of the time doing homework on a laptop that looked one step from death. “Summer classes,” he explained when Jason asked. “I’m trying to get all my gen eds done so that I can double major. Maybe even triple? I don’t know if I want to have spend the time on the language classes a Math major needs.” Jason hummed in response, trying to tuck the information away in his sick ailed brain. He couldn’t decided if he hoped Danny and Tim never met (con, they were both too damn smart), or if he desperately wanted them to meet (pro, Tim would replace all of Danny’s failing tech in a pique of disgust). Maybe the scholarship already came with a new laptop? That sounded like it would be a Tim thing to do, but Jason wasn’t sure how involved Tim was in the scholarships. “Math sucks,” he settled on. | “Sure it does, book boy. I bet you were an English major.” Danny had found Jason’s pile of books early on the second day and made fun of him. But Danny had also found both ‘Pride and Prejudice’ movies to download and had put them on for Jason to watch. They had spend all day trying to make it through the Colin Firth one as Danny kept pausing it whenever Jason dozed off due to the fever. “Nah. Never even finished high school. Too busy being dead,” Jason mumbled and tried to press closer to the cold. Danny must have done something because the chill increased. Jason let out a content sigh. He was almost asleep when Danny spoke. “You’re not just dead any more. You can still have a life.” “Don’t know if I deserve one.” “Of course you do,” Danny said. Danny didn’t know what Jason had done, the Pit groaned in response. Jason let himself slip asleep rather than deal with either of them.

The next time Jason drifted towards consciousness, there was a hand on his forehead. It wasn’t right though. It was familiar, but it wasn’t right. “Too warm.” “You sure are Jaybird. You’re burning up.” Jason jolted up and almost fell right back over as the world swam around him. When it solidified, it settled into a very different pair of worried blue eyes than he was expecting. “Big bird?” But if Dick was here, where was Danny? There was no sign of the other now; no laptop or textbooks or scribbled equations. Too many takeout boxes stacked too messily were the only clue, but Jason figured that could be excused by his sick state. Jason knew that Danny hadn’t been with him the whole time he’d been sick. The other clearly came and went at least a few times to pick up food, his school work, and other supplies. What Jason didn’t know if the timing was just lucky or if Danny had managed to disappear before Dick had made it past all the safeguards. He hoped Danny wasn’t stuck hiding in a closet or something. “What?” Jason asked. Dick had been saying something to him, but Jason hasn’t caught a word of it. He rubbed at his eyes to try and focus. “Did you get dosed?” “Does? No. Just the stupid flu or something,” Jason lied. “Why are you here?” “Because you didn’t show up for patrol for a few days in a row, little bird,” Dick said softly. He brushed Jason’s sweat soaked hair off his forehead. Jason swayed into the touch. Not even two days of finally being touched apparently was all it took to lose his self control. At least Dick wasn’t shying away from him right then. Not like he normally did. Right, his brother had said something. “That made you break into my place? You know that was fucking stupid. What if I’d been…” Jason trailed off and motioned to his eyes. What if he’d been in a Pit rage. “You don’t drop off from everything like this when you are. We were worried,” Dick said. He sounded worried, but Jason didn’t feel like he could figure out if it was real right then, not with his head so full of cotton. Maybe it was. This was Dick, he seemed to care. Of course, then Dick had to go and add, “You should have checked in.” Jason snorted at that. “Not for patrol reasons,” Dick said, rolling his eyes. “So that we didn’t worry, little bird. And so that I could have brought some soup from Alfred.” “Mmm… yeah, would have been worth it for the soup,” Jason decided after a moment. “Most things are worth Alfred’s soup,” Dick agreed with a chuckle. “But no, you had to be stubborn and not let us know you were sick so there’s no soup for you.” “Shut up,” Jason grumbled with no real heat. He tried to let himself fall back onto the couch but was stopped by Dick pulling him forward. “Nu-uh. We’re going to get you up and into the shower. You’ll feel better in clean clothes and I can change the blankets on the couch and get these through the wash.” “No.” “Yes,” Dick said in a sing-song voice that made Jason want to punch him. Instead he let Dick help him off the couch. Now that it had been mentioned, a shower really did sound good. He was left propped up against the door frame of the bathroom while Dick got the shower started. The sound of the water was almost soothing, and Jason eyes drifted closed. Normally the Pit would be snarling at him to stay alert— to stay focused and on guard— even (especially) in the presence of his family, but it seemed as drained by the ectoshot as he was and stayed quiet. “Jay?” “Hum?” “Do I need to get you to a hospital?” Jason pried his eyes open to glare at his brother. When had Dick gotten so close? He hovered just in front of Jason like if he wanted to reach out and pull Jason close. Shit, Dick really was worried, wasn’t he? “It’s just the stupid flu or something.” “I don’t know, you’re really out of it, Jay. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you with your guard like this.” “’S fine,” Jason said and let his eyes close again. “You’re here. I’m safe.” “Okay little bird,” Dick said softly and started to help Jason out of his sweat soaked shirt. “Let me take care of you.”

Dick helped peel off Jason’s shirt and tossed it on the floor. This wasn’t his first time undressing and shoving one of his family members into the shower. Being a vigilante left no room for modesty between the mortal wounds, medical procedures, and decontamination processes. It was easy to be clinical about it at this point. Besides, his mind was too busy reeling over Jason’s words. Jason felt safe with him. Jason, who even when he was sitting right next to them, still held them at arm’s length. Who Dick wasn’t sure would even show up at the few family meals he did attended if it weren’t for Alfred’s cooking. Who struggled to share any details about a case. Who didn’t ask for help when he was this sick… … felt safe with him. Dick had to bite his lip to keep the tears from welling up. He hadn’t thought Jason would ever trust him again, not really. He hadn’t been sure if he’d ever really have his brother back. He didn’t even need— want— Jason back in a creepy ‘just like he was before’ sort of way. Dick knew that was impossible. Jason dying had changed them all. Him coming back had changed them again. Jason had talked to Dick about it once, just a little. They had both been drunk— Jason more than Dick— and Jason had talked. He had talked like the words were spilling out of him, bleeding out of him; a soft steady flow of horror. There in the dim light of Dick’s apartment Jason had talked, just a little, about what it was like to live with the Pit rage in him. How it was like a rabid dog on a leash that was barking, barking barking. Dick didn’t know how someone even thought over that noise, but he was so damn proud of Jason for managing. He was so damn proud of Jason for clawing his way back to life— out of his grave and out of his madness and out of his rage. He didn’t want the old Jason back. He just wanted a chance to get to be a brother to this Jason. He was so damn proud of the man he’d become. His eyes ran over the horrible autopsy scars that crossed Jason’s chest. The stark reminder of exactly why Dick hadn’t been sure they’d ever really have Jason back. Jason, when he had to change around them, always did it as quickly as possible. But right then the scars were on full display. Because Jason was trusting Dick to see them. Dick tried hard not to think too much about it. Jason needed his help right then. He could deal with the mental fallout later. With some wrangling, Dick got Jason into the shower. After getting fresh clothing, he took a seat on the closed toilet, flicking through his phone from somewhere to order food from. He wanted to be close by in case Jason lost his balance in the shower. “Is Ben’s good for pizza?” “What?” At least Jason was sounding a little more clear headed. “Ben’s. I’m ordering food.” “Yeah. Get a supreme. The chicken bbq one is good too.” “Got it.” Dick selected the pizzas, added maybe too much garlic bread to the order, and submitted it. Then he pulled up the family chat. The one that Jason still refused to be part of. Dick: So Jason’s running a pretty bad fever. He thinks it’s the flu. Oracle: He’s actually staying home and not patrolling when he’s sick? Tim: Shit. It’s that bad? Dick: He’s pretty out of it. Shower seems to be helping and I’m ordering food. I’m going to stay the night here unless you need me on patrol. Bruce: We’ll rearrange patrols. Keep an eye on him. Dick: Will do. He wasn’t going to let Jason down again.

When Jason woke on day four, he felt good. He wasn’t perfect, he knew that. Danny had said it would take at least a few infusions— maybe several if his core took to it badly. He might never be without lingering effects. But even with just the one shot of ectoplasm Jason felt better than he had in years. Jason let himself linger in bed for a bit, slowly stretching out his sore muscles, before sounds from his kitchen made him stir. The press of otherness was back, so Jason assume that Danny was back. His arrival still made Jason shudder with a chill of cold. It wasn’t as overwhelming as it used to be, but there was never any doubt when Danny was around. Yesterday Dick had hardly left his He’d convinced Dick that he would be fine for the day and that he should go to work. Dick had still insisted on waking Jason up in the morning before he headed out, but Jason had rolled over and went back to sleep. And now Danny was back. The sound of something clattering, followed by cursing, had Jason finally rolling out of bed and heading to the kitchen. He half debated at least pulling on a shirt over his sleep pants, but the cursing had turned rather fevered. Besides, he didn’t think that Danny would be bothered by his scarring. He had to stop in the doorway to the kitchen and just stare. Smoke hung in the air. Danny was right in the middle of it— holding an ice covered frying pan out at arms length. Jason was pretty sure the tips of Danny’s bangs were singed. Jason was smirking. He knew he was. He really couldn’t help it. “I can see why you always bought food these last few days.” Danny whirled to face him, blue eyes wide. He made a cut off little noise and flushed bright red. Chuckling, Jason stepped into to the space— the kitchen was hardly big enough for two people— and reached around Danny to turn the burner off. Danny’s arm was cold as he brushed against it. When Jason pulled back and Danny was still just staring at him and had grown redder. “You good there, fish?” “Um, what? Oh!” Danny finally blinked. The blush went right to the tips of his ears. “Right, yeah? But, um, I don’t think that the eggs are okay.” “Don’t know if my frying pan is either,” Jason said, eying the frozen hunk of metal. “Sorry,” Danny said with a wince and dumped it in the sink. He waved his hand and let the ice melt. Scorched eggs washed down the sink. “How did you burn them so badly?" Jason asked. He was actually a little impressed. “I never learned to cook, okay? We didn’t really cook at my house so I’m having to pick up all of it now,” Danny said with a little shrug. “It’s, ah, not going so well.” “Neither of your parents chefs?” “Too much ambient ectoplasm,” Danny said as he tried to scrub at the charred pan. Jason didn’t think it would do any good. “When the casserole tries to eat you back one too many times you sort of give up on eating at home.” “What.” “Reanimated food. They’re always bastards. I have scars from the hot dogs still,” Danny said and also gave up on the pan and turned around to lean against the counter. “…I have so many questions and I don’t know if I want answers.” Danny shrugged again. He picked at the ends of the hoodie he was wearing, unraveling the ragged edge further. “You probably don’t. So, um, I was in the right to leave the other night, right?” “Yeah. It was my brother checking up on me. I don’t think I’m ready to explain all of this,” Jason said, giving a little wave of his hand to indicated everything as he leaned against the counter next to Danny. Danny glanced at him, his eyes flickering over the chest scars and back up. “They do know you died, right?” “Sorta hard to miss,” Jason said, crossing his arms. “But they think the Pits brought me back. We all did. Not that…” “It’s different, knowing you’re still dead,” Danny filled in where Jason trailed off. “Yeah. I’ll tell them later, maybe, but I want things to settle more. Shit, wait, am I going to get powers like you have? Then I’ll have to, I guess. It would hard to hide magical ice.” “Oh, you probably wont get ice. There are lots of difference cores. There’s all the elemental ones, fire and electricity and things, but also like, technology and shadow and a the Ancients can have really unique ones like time and hope. We won’t know what yours is until we get rid of the corrupted goop and you have enough ectoplasm.” “Huh,” Jason said with a frown. “So more ectoshots?” “More ectoshots. But we’ll give you a few weeks in between so you can recover. I’ve got to get myself moved to Gotham anyways, and I don’t really think you should take any of it if I’m not around, just in case your powers do develop.” “Yeah, alright,” Jason said, brain already working on how to hide all of this from the Bats. He was just starting to get things back to better with them. He didn’t want to throw ‘hey, turns out I’m still a little dead’ into the mix. He didn’t want to see the looks on their faces at that news. He didn’t want to break anyone’s heart again. He didn’t want to lose them again. Jason cleared his throat. “Well, guess I better give you my number then. Not that I don’t know when you’re around, but would be shit of you to have to come all this way just to check on me. How do you keep getting back and forth, anyways?” “Oh, sometimes I use a portal but mostly I just fly.” “You what?”

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AN: So this chapter was originally a single scene, but it decided it really needed more time. Then Dick decided to show up. I’ve gone back and forth about showing a POV other than Jason or Danny, but Jason is such an unreliable narrator about himself and Danny doesn’t know how Jason used to be, and I wanted to be able to show that. So Dick will show up a few times! He’s mostly here to have feelings.

And yes, Danny was totally bluescrened by shirtless Jason there at the end! I debated the POV for that, but thought it was funner that Jason has no clue why Danny is blushing like a tomato.

This is rough in places, I know, but my focus has been shot by pain. Besides, cleaning it up is what rewrites are for! Speaking of, rewrite of chapter 3 will be up on ao3 Thursday! Thank you all always for your wonderful response to this and stay delightful, darlings!

#dp x dc #danny fenton #jason todd #dick grayson #dead on main #danny fenton/jason todd #like betta fish do

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average-mako-enjoyer · 1 month

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Bigots and Failed Promises of Mass Effect games

(I had this thing in my drafts for almost a month, and it would have stayed there if not for the wonderful post by @androidtrashfire, because I saw it, and I was like: "Fuck it, I have to rant about these games." I love Mass Effect, and I really think we should critique it. We should criticize things we love because silence = compliance.)

So I was talking to @liss-art recently about the bigoted fans in the Mass Effect fandom, and I think I need to make a post about it because it's something that really, truly bothers me, and it needs to be addressed.

Canon

Mass Effect is a story about deeply flawed people with a lot of problems, and through them it touches on issues like xenophobia, sexism, corruption, elitism, morality, identity. That's why we like it, right? But why are there so many bigots in the fandom? My theory is that it happens because Mass Effect, for all its supposed complexity, only touches on these issues without giving any meaningful commentary on them.

Here are a few obvious examples:

The Quarians are a distasteful allegory of the Roma people (right down to their accents). They are persecuted and ostracized for creating Geth, but the game never gives us any socio-political reasons why the Quarians did that. They just developed real AI because they were naive and stupid? Or because they were the only ones smart enough to do it? Did they do it in secret? Why did other races not make the same mistake?

Same with the Batarians. Yes, the game mentions tensions between humans and Batarians because humans try to claim territories that Batarians think are theirs, but that's about it. Batarians are all racist slave traders and they're bad, don't think about it, here's some memes about 300,000 of them dying, good job. And yes, I know you can read more about their history in the Codex (why is it an Asari who writes about Batarian history,btw?), but it's basically the same thing as saying D*mbledore is gay (I really am sorry for this reference). If no one ever mentions this rich Batarian history, then it doesn't exist.

And please don't get me started on Hanar. They "mercifully" saved the Drell by inviting them to their planet, immediately assimilated them into their own faith and also put them in conditions where they have to train as assassins from the ripe old age of 6 and eventually die of sci-fi lung cancer. But don't worry about it, Drell actually love to serve the Hanar, they do it willingly and consider their servitude an honor. Do you really want to criticize some stupid jellyfish who talk funny? Do you really want to talk about why the so-called Council races do nothing about it? LOL

Another thing the trilogy does is present entire races, including humans, as amorphous blobs. Do all Asari believe in the same "goddess"? Do all Turians obey the same Primarch? Well, what's important is that all humans in this bright future speak English.

But what about the genophage? That's a profound story, right? Well, not really, and it raises more questions than it answers. We hear a lot about how brutal, aggressive, and short-tempered Krogans are, but every single Krogan we meet is extremely well-mannered, and they only resort to violence against other races in dire circumstances. So why not save them? Does the game really present you with this moral dilemma or not?

And can anyone tell me why Salarians are allowed to abduct and experiment on sentient beings, and why Turians are allowed to wage wars? Why does no one talk about Asari in this context?

I really want to say that at least the characters are well written, but I can't because they're not.

Kaidan is a good example of this. We are told about his implant, we are told that he has chronic pain, but do we see him suffer from it? Do we see him in those moments of weakness and vulnerability?

The scene where he gets annoyed with Jenkins acting like he's a circus monkey who has to do a trick and biotically throws a cup at him was cut from the game. We occasionally hear him mention some of the side effects of his migraines ("Too many lights, too much noise"), but that's about it. What has happened to "show, don't tell"? And no, I'm not saying that the writers should feed me the story or walk me through it. What I am saying is that if you gloss over your characters' mistakes, flaws, and circumstances, you're getting people to ignore them. Do people who call Kaidan "boring" and insult him think about how his chronic pain, his trauma from Brain Camp, and the loss of Jenkins and Ashley affect who he is? Hell no.

Thane is another great example. What Mass Effect is telling us as a story is that you can completely abandon your family and your child and be forgiven if your reason for doing it is good and heroic enough. Like avenging your dead wife, because of course there has to be a dead woman thrown somewhere.

Everyone's favorite Garrus (mine too) is a cop whose character arc basically consists of deciding that he is above the law (since the law forbids him from killing people he thinks should die) and then involving his squadmate/friend/partner (depending on your playthrough) in the public assassination of his former squadmate, whom he never even bothered to confront first. Are there any consequences for Garrus for his actions? No. Again, it's all glossed over, and that's unfortunate because it removes the conflict and therefore the character development and depth.

And if you're going to tell me that ME is just a space opera, and that I should just enjoy the spectacle and the romance, then I'm going to tell you that I know that, and that I think it's a wonderful spectacle, and that some of the romance subplots are absolutely amazing story-wise, but the superficial commentary (or lack thereof) on the most important issues that ME covers actually harms the audience.

Fandom

On the one hand, we have people making mods that remove all the clothes from all the female characters (or remove all of femShep's organs and replace them with giant tits). We have people reposting that horrible, horrible art of Miranda and Jack fighting, tearing each other's hair and clothes, and maleShep smirking and saying "I should stay". We have people who say ME2 is the best game in the series because "there are no f*gs". On the other hand, we have people saying things like "there are two Commander Shepards - female and the wrong one". We have people who say "only weird people play as dudebro in 2024". We have people who think that simply playing as a female character is some kind of feminist statement, and that it makes them better and smarter than everyone else (the same people who use the term "dude gamer" as an insult). And all of those things are kind of the trilogy's fault.

Both maleShep and femShep have the same story. The only differences are the romance options, sexist remarks directed only at femShep, and flirtations from various NPCs directed only at femShep. What this tells you is that sexism exists in the Mass Effect universe, and only women suffer from it. It also tells you that only women are worth flirting with.

Another thing this game does (and modern games like Cyberpunk do the same thing) is equate the female experience to the male experience by giving both femShep and maleShep the same lines.

So there are some mixed signals here. Sexism exists and doesn't exist in this universe, Shepard is both genderless and very gendered, romances with underdeveloped characters are all over the place, and bigots thrive in this kind of environment.

The lack of commentary, the lack of perspective, the disastrous worldbuilding allows you to freely choose your sexist, racist adventure and not be punished by the story in any way.

Mirrors

There's a passage from Solaris that I absolutely adore and think about often.

"We don't want to conquer the cosmos, we simply want to extend the boundaries of Earth to the frontiers of the cosmos. […] We have no need of other worlds. We need mirrors. We don't know what to do with other worlds. A single world, our own, suffices us; but we can't accept it for what it is."

I think that perfectly describes what Mass Effect is as a universe. And in a way, it's a reason why it's so compelling. It's just empty enough for us to invest in it, to fill in the blanks of that narrative with the stories of our own. And it's also a reason why this fandom is a fucking hellscape.

#mass effect #my thoughts #kaidan alenko #thane krios #garrus vakarian #commander shepard #sorry not sorry for the wall of text because this is important #my stuff

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awlumii · 2 years

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be still, my heart.

# — pairing: kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kazuha, lumine, aether

# — summary: you're not really cut out for this whole "matchmaker" deal.

# — warnings: n/a

# — tags: long fic (~9k words), 3+1 format, fluff, angst, misunderstandings, hurt/comfort, (failed) matchmaking, aether & lumine are your best friends

# — notes: finally, finally, finally! i finished a commission! thank you so, so much again to the commissioner; your support means so, so much to me, especially at a time like this. i had a lot of fun writing this :D reblogs and reactions are greatly appreciated, and i really hope you all enjoy! 🥰

wanna join the tag list?

"hey! do you mind if i sit here?"

in hindsight, you should've known right away that that was a stupid question to ask. the café is far from crowded at this time of day. there's a smattering of people sitting at tables and all of them are alone, and there's still an empty table here and there. if you were going to be subtle about wanting to sit near this guy, you should have chosen, say, the empty seat behind him. but thank your lucky stars; the man is kind enough to smile back at you and gesture to the seat across from him.

alright. one foot in the door.

the guy in question is none other than kaedehara kazuha, the english major who's famous for his insightful poetry and exceptional grades. everyone loves this guy, even professors outside of his department. he's not the most social, but he's open to anyone and everyone who happens across him, and it would appear that you are a part of that as well. it's a good thing, too — if he'd secretly been an asshole, you'd have turned tail immediately. of course, that'd only make you look more suspicious than you already do, but that's besides the point.

when you say that everyone loves kazuha, you mean everyone — and that includes your best friend lumine. it just so happens that kazuha is also the object of many people's affections — the perks of being popular, you figure. it came as a real shock to you that lumine was interested in him of all people; you could've sworn she was head over heels for ayaka, the endearing political science and dance double major that she spends a lot of time with. but instead, lumine came to you out of the blue one evening gushing about kazuha.

"wait, wait, wait. are you telling me that you have a crush on him?" you closed your book to gape at lumine, who was sitting across from you with her chin propped in her hand.

lumine nodded. "yeah. what, is that weird or something?"

you raised an eyebrow. "very." you stood up and circled the table to eye her closely. lumine watched you the entire time, her eyes curious. "did you get hurt anywhere? hit your head or something?"

"oh my god, you're ridiculous." lumine pushed you away lightly. "i just think he's... dreamy..?"

"you don't sound too sure about that."

"fuck off, you know i'm not good with this sort of thing." lumine flipped you off. "but you know who is? kazuha." when you scoffed and sat back in your seat, she sighed. "would you stop being an asshole and help me out?"

you opened your book and skimmed the words. "what now? are you gonna tell me to set you up with him or something?" when lumine didn't answer for a few seconds, you froze. you looked up at her with mild horror. "ohh no. fuck no, i am not playing matchmaker. do it yourself."

lumine didn't answer you at that. you knew very well why she didn't do these things herself. you're aware of her reputation on campus; she's not exactly the most popular, but those who do know her know that she can appear rather callous at times. lumine's rough exterior made it difficult for her to branch out, which was probably why she was asking you to begin with. once it occurred to you, you groaned. "fine." you conceded. "but you're doing all the hard work."

lumine's face brightened into a smile you don't think you've ever seen her wear before. "you're the best." she reached across the table and tapped your hand. "seriously."

meanwhile, you'd already started dreading the first interaction you were supposed to have with kazuha. "yeah, yeah," you muttered. "whatever."

because at the end of the day, who are you to question lumine? she's been by your side through thick and thin ever since middle school. she's got your back and you've got hers (and her brother's). you'd do just about anything for her if she asked, no matter how ridiculous it seems. although, you think as you settle in your new seat, this is pretty fucking ridiculous. playing matchmaker is stupid, especially for a guy like kazuha, who has probably had this kind of thing happen to him before. you can only hope that that's not the case.

you pull out a notebook and a pen to start idly writing when you notice that in front of you, kazuha's closed his book. when you look up, you see that he's actually staring at you. what for? "is something wrong?" you ask. "i can move if you want me to; i didn't mean to disturb you."

kazuha shakes his head, his platinum bangs brushing over his forehead. he has a streak of crimson in his hair, you notice. it's kind of cute. in fact, now that you're really looking at him, you can really see why people are so drawn to him. he's very attractive with his kind eyes and almost serene expression. you see his lips moving then and realize that he must have been saying something for a while. shit, were you checking him out just now? did he notice? it's not until his lips stop moving that you realize that you have no idea what he just said. "i'm sorry, i, uh... really should've got some coffee before i sat down. can you say that again?" you give him an apologetic smile in hopes that it'll make him forget that you obviously weren't listening just now.

kazuha actually smiles then. it seems like he's always doing that, really. your ears start to burn; he probably thinks you're ridiculous. "that's alright." he tilts his head to the side slightly and says your name. when you raise your brows, his smile grows. "i figured my guess was correct. you're friends with lumine, aren't you?"

oh, right! duh! how did you already forget your goal? stupid pretty boy and his stupid face. "ah, yeah," you reply. "she's my roommate too, actually."

"i see." kazuha pushes his book to the side and you follow the movement. is he trying to start conversation? this wasn't exactly how you saw this playing out, but hey, that saves you the trouble of coming up with a topic. "how long have you two known each other?"

perfect. you've got him hook, line, and sinker. with lumine as the topic of conversation, you'll have him smitten with her in no time. "since middle school," you say with a smile. "she and aether moved into the house beside mine and my mother tasked me with befriending them. the rest is history, i suppose."

kazuha looks endeared. "the two of them must have been a handful, no?"

you don't miss the playfulness in his tone. yeah, you can really see why people like him. you weren't exactly supposed to get caught in his little web, but here you were, charmed by the guy anyway. at kazuha's request, you divulge a few stories about your history with lumine. you cherry pick stories that are centered around her and leave out the more embarrassing parts (which is difficult since you guys were some embarrassing kids); when this is over, she better love you for talking her up like this.

at some point, kazuha excuses himself for a moment. while you wait, you pull out your phone and text the group chat that you have with lumine and aether.

[ me ]: you owe me your soul after this, bitch

[ lulu☆]: oh my god, did you actually find and talk to him

[ lulu☆]: i didn't think you'd actually do it, help

[ me ]: you asked, didn't you? and i said i would, so

[ lulu☆]: that's not

[ lulu☆]: well..

[ lulu☆]: okay look what did you tell him

[ me ]: don't worry, i didn't embarrass you

[ me ]: ...yet

[ aefer☆]: did you tell him about the time she nearly shit herself because a cat fell out a tree on her head

[ aefer☆]: cause that's funny

[ me ]: shit u're right, i should've mentioned that

[ me ]: but no.. i had to talk her up to impress him

[ aefer☆]: i would've told him. just sayin

[ lulu☆]: i know where you live, bitch

[ aefer☆]: what a coincidence, so do i

[ me ]: okay he's coming back, later losers ♡

[ aefer☆]: make sure to tell him the story!!

you chuckle at your phone before you put it away. when you look up, kazuha is seated in front of you with two cups on the table; one looks to be coffee, while the other seems to be tea — green tea from the smell of it. you blink in surprise and open your mouth, but before you can ask, kazuha explains: "you said you needed coffee and it just so happens that i needed a pick-me-up as well." he gestures to the coffee and gently eases it towards you. "so i took the liberty of getting some for you."

you shake your head quickly. you weren't supposed to be indebted to him! "y-you really shouldn't have!"

kazuha's expression falls a little and you swear you feel your heart tug. "was that too forward of me? my apologies, i..."

fuck, you can't have him looking so downcast. you try to cover up your flustered state with a grateful smile. "no, no, i mean-- thank you, really, but you're too kind. how much was it? at least let me pay you back."

"there's no need," he says. "i got it because i wanted to. and what better need to celebrate a new friend than over a drink they enjoy?"

you blink twice. once because you're surprised he considers you a friend already, and twice because if you're not mistaken, kazuha looks... sheepish. you stare at him just a moment longer and this time it's him who breaks eye contact as he moves to sip from his tea. confused, you drink from the coffee he got for you. the second the flavor hits your tongue, you make a noise of surprise. "this is.." you mutter.

"ah." kazuha sets down his own drink. "i'm sorry, i forgot to explain. i wasn't quite sure how you took your coffee, so i guessed. it's not bad, is it?" he actually looks worried. "should i take it back for you?"

"no, no, it's not bad, it's..." it's perfect, you think. this is exactly how you order your coffee every time. how did he guess this well? your order isn't exactly standard; it would take some serious thinking to get it down to a T. "it's great," you finish your sentence. "thank you so much."

relief settles on kazuha's face. "that's good." he sets his tea aside and keeps his attention on you. "would it be too forward of me to ask if you have any more stories to share? they're quite interesting."

right. shit. you're here to play matchmaker. this is the second time you've forgotten your goal. you put your coffee to the side and launch into another story that you'd thankfully lined up in case he wanted to keep the conversation going. kazuha listens attentively; his eyes are on you the entire time and his usual smile grows wider each time you giggle when you remember something funny.

he's very easy to talk to, you think. you wouldn't mind doing this over and over. this is a win-win situation for you and lumine; she'll get a boyfriend, and you'll have a new friend.

(you won't realize it just yet, but the skip in your pulse each time kazuha laughs is far from platonic.)

ii.

it's nice to have a new addition to the group — really, it is — but does he really need to be invited everywhere?

lately, whenever you, aether, and lumine go out as a trio, kazuha ends up receiving an invite as well. sometimes he gets the invite from you, but every other time, it seems to be coming from lumine. it's a little irritating, honestly. not because kazuha is annoying, no — he's the furthest thing from it. if anything, he's the most soothing person you've ever known (amongst other things). no, what's annoying is that lumine seems to be taking charge of this whole matchmaking thing herself, which leaves you without an objective. because really, if she's gonna make sure he's around all the time, then what did she have you get involved for?

take now, for example. the four of you are in an arcade celebrating the end of midterm season, and when you entered, you decided that you'd be split into pairs — you with aether, and lumine with kazuha. you and aether complained when lumine suggested bringing kazuha along on the grounds that the two of you would be third wheeling. so she suggested splitting into groups.

for some reason, the initial pairing put you with kazuha. not like you're one to complain — you love the time you spend with him. but seeing as how you spend a couple hours every day chatting him up in that café, you think you can do without him for a few hours today. you said as much when the first pairs were decided on.

"aw, you'll hurt his feelings!" aether said with a chuckle. "don't you wanna be around your new friend for a while?"

before you spoke, you stole a peek at kazuha who looked... a little hurt. you thought you were imagining it since he was smiling along with the joke, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. regret started to claw at your throat and you tried to take it back, but kazuha spoke before you could.

"i'm more than happy to spend time with lumine," he said. "we don't spend much time together as it is."

your fingers slow to a stop on the game you're playing. do kazuha and lumine really not spend time together? that was the whole reason you spent time with him — to get him more motivated to speak to her in the first place. was he still too shy to speak to her? no, you think as you pick up the game. he wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity to be with her tonight if he was really shy. besides, shy just isn't kazuha's character; he has moments where he's a little hesitant, but he's certainly not the shy type.

then why weren't they together more often? you feel confused for a moment, but then it hits you — you've been taking up kazuha's time, not her.

there's no reason why you should be in that café for so long with kazuha. your mission was simple: get him interested in lumine, get them to hang out, and then watch the rest unfold. but instead, you've been hogging all his time, talking about topics that had nothing to do with this whole matchmaking situation to begin with.

you swear lowly when your character dies on screen. if anyone is to blame for the lack of progress being made, it's kazuha. he's the one who's always asking off-topic questions when you meet up. specifically, he would coax you into talking about yourself somehow. how he does that, you're not sure, but you hate it. he's making this difficult!

oh, your mind just can't stop running. kazuha's making everything so complicated! why did he look so dejected when he said you wanted to hang with someone else? why does he want to know so much about you? why does he smile so brightly when he sees you in passing? why isn't he sticking to lumine's side? is he even going to make a move? is that why he jumped at the chance to do so today? why didn't he do so earlier, and why in the fuck does your chest hurt right now?!

"if you hold the controls any harder, i think they're gonna break."

aether's voice suddenly appears to your left, startling you. you let go of the controls in your shock and soon after, a fluorescent red 'game over' appears on the screen. you glare at him and punch his arm. "you asshole, you made me lose the game." you hiss.

aether's lips curve into a cheeky smile. "actually, you were already losing. you kinda suck at this game."

"i don't, i just..." you sigh and look at the screen. "i was just thinking about something else."

"now are you making an excuse, or were you really distracted this whole time?" aether asks. when you struggle to come up with a response, he rests a hand on your shoulder. you don't look at him, though. you're too busy trying to figure out why your throat feels like it's closing. aether calls your name once, then twice. you still don't answer. just when you think he's given up, he drapes an arm over your shoulder and pulls you to him. "how about we go get something to drink?" he finally suggests. "it's been a while."

you look at him and for a split second notice how blurry he is. you blink a few times and it goes away. weird. you still can't really form words, so you nod and allow aether to whisk you away from your game.

once you're seated with your drink, you let your mind go off the rails. why does the thought of kazuha asking lumine out bother you so much? that's literally why you became friends with him in the first place, no? you're supposed to be relieved — once they start dating, you can wash your hands of this whole ordeal and be on your merry way. at least, that's the plan... right?

"we came out here to stop thinking," aether speaks up. "but you look like you're still studying. what're you thinking so hard about?"

you open your mouth to explain yourself but quickly shut it. you can't just tell lumine's brother that you're having second thoughts about getting her a boyfriend! best friends or not, his first priority is his sister's happiness; if you back out, you'll definitely have to face aether's wrath later. yet still, you want nothing more than to unload these confusing emotions onto aether's shoulders — you need to explain yourself or else you feel like you're going to pop.

you feel crazy. are you crazy? you think you're going crazy. and dammit, why does your throat still feel so tight?

after a few seconds pass, you decide to bite the bullet. you hate to toss aether in the middle like this, but who else are you going to tell this to? kazuha? yeah, fuck that. "it's... about kazuha." you rasp. you take a sip of your drink.

for some reason, aether sits up a bit straighter. you don't recognize the look he's giving you. maybe intrigued is the right word? "yeah?" he leans his chin in his hand. "what about him?"

"i think... i think i fucked up somewhere." you feel a little lighter now that you've gotten that out. that's the heart of the problem... you think.

"how? he's spending time with lumine, isn't he?"

"yeah, now he is. didn't you hear him earlier? he said that they didn't spend much time together."

"aaaand..?"

"what do you mean and? they're supposed to be together all the time!" you scoff. "i tell him about her like, every day, and yet they're still so stiff around each other whenever we all meet up!" a thought occurs to you, then. the four of you hung out all the time, but each time, you were in a group. "wait, do they never actually hang out outside of our outings?"

aether's frowning a little at you. surely he understands what you're talking about, right? "you think that that's weird?" he asks.

you throw your hands up in frustration. "yes, that's weird! god, why am i even doing this if he's just gonna hang out with me instead of--" you shut your mouth.

intrusive thoughts are funny little things. soft as they may be, they leave ripples in your mind. and those ripples grow bigger and bigger as they spread, reaching the far corners of your brain until they become all you can think about. yours are pretty out there: what if i tripped and fell right now? or what if i'm reading the stop signal wrong and i walk into traffic by accident? they make you reconsider your every move, make you see reality in a different light. these particular thoughts, however, send you spiraling.

what if kazuha likes me? becomes: what if i like kazuha? which eventually turns into: i do like kazuha.

"oh." you mumble. "shit."

"i feel like you just had a revelation without me, and i'm feeling very out of the loop right now." aether gestures between the two of you. "are we on the same page right now?"

"god, i hope not." you groan and push your face into your hands. this is the fucking worst. it's supposed to be the worst, anyway — for some reason, you feel the urge to smile. feelings are strange like that, huh? you realize that you have a big crush on the guy you're supposed to be setting your best friend up with and yet you want to smile — you want to take a breath of fresh air, like this is a good thing. "aether, i'm a horrible fucking person." you laugh derisively. "the fucking worst."

aether, who'd been sitting across from you this whole time, moves to sit next to you. when you finally look at him, you see that he's frowning, his face marred by confusion and worry. "as much as we like to joke about it, i can't read your mind. you need to tell me what's up."

"...promise you won't hate me?"

"why would i ever?" aether looks at you like you slapped him. dork.

you smile, but it doesn't last very long. "i just, uh... realized something."

"would you quit being suspenseful and get to the point?"

fine. you decide to let it all out. "i like kazuha, aether. there. i like him a fucking lot. he's really pretty and he's kind, he spends time with me every day, even when he's busy; he holds my hand sometimes when we talk and i swear, i feel like i can fucking fly whenever he does, and i..." you take a deep breath. "i'm a fucking moron because i'm letting down lumine. she's supposed to be with him, not me. i have to let this go."

aether's silent. you feel your throat tighten up again and immediately recognize the feeling — you want to fucking cry, dammit. you're a terrible fucking friend, and that's exactly what aether's about to say--

"you need to tell her," he says seriously. "and you need to do it now before things get worse."

that's... not the reaction you were expecting. "aren't you mad at me? i-i'm supposed to be helping out your sister but i'm--"

"falling in love." aether finishes for you. you try to deny it, but he's not hearing it. "trust me, it'll get to that point soon enough. you can't wait until then -- you have to say something. please," he implores you, "for your own good."

you want to say that you shouldn't do anything to benefit yourself, not when you've fucked up so majorly, but you hold your tongue. you really don't know what to do now. how are you supposed to look kazuha in the face after this? you were always enjoying yourself when you were around him, but now you understand that you enjoyed yourself far too much. he's supposed to be with lumine and he's--

a sudden call of your name has you snapping your head up. in front of you is none other than kazuha and lumine.

speak of the fucking devil and he will appear.

the two of them are wearing matching smiles and carrying four plushies from the prize counter. they look so... happy. all at once, you cram your raging emotions into a box and shove them into the furthest corner of your mind. that can wait -- what's important now is these two lovebirds and the rest of the evening. you ease away from aether and sit up straighter, plastering a friendly smile on your face. "did you two kids have fun?" you ask.

(beside you, aether's frown deepens.)

"i learned quite a few things while playing with lumine tonight." kazuha is the first to speak. he adjusts the two plushies in his arms and looks over to lumine. "the most important thing being that she's amazing at video games."

lumine sniffs proudly. "he's the one who didn't believe me when i said i would kick his ass at anything we tried. aether and i used to play games like these all the time when we were kids. but," she nudges kazuha's shoulder affectionately, "you put up a good fight. i respect the effort, but better luck next time."

"i'll keep that in mind." kazuha chuckles.

next time, he said. there's going to be a next time. they're going to go on a date. you giggle softly despite yourself. now's not the time. not when they look so happy. you feel aether pinch your arm, but you swat him away subtly. "that's good to hear." you say. "is there something else you guys wanna do tonight?" you hold your breath, hoping they say no.

fortunately (or unfortunately), aether cuts in. "actually, lumine, wait." he doesn't say anything else after that, but judging by lumine's expression, you wonder if they're doing that twin communication thing. you've always wondered what that's like, having another half. aether and lumine are always sharing information over everyone's heads -- sometimes, you wish they'd include you.

lumine nods after a second. they must have finished their psychic conversation. "actually, aether and i have to head back." she shrugs one shoulder. "something came up."

kazuha's brows knit with concern. "is everything alright?"

"yeah, aether has to take a shit or something. i don't know." lumine is suddenly hit in the face with a wadded up napkin while you poorly stifle a laugh. she doesn't retaliate the same way she normally would, but she does shoot aether a glare that could probably melt steel beams. "anyway," she smooths her expression over and looks straight at you. "are you two gonna be okay alone? because this is kind of urgent."

wait. shit. fuck, no, no, no! she can't leave you with kazuha! why is she trying to leave you with kazuha?!

words fail you in this moment; you open and close your mouth a few times as you struggle to find the right words. there's so much going on in your head; you could say yes and have some alone time with kazuha, but lumine is supposed to be the one having alone time with kazuha, not you! if you say no, then kazuha might look like a kicked puppy again, and you don't want to see him looking so sad, dammit! but then again, if you say yes, you could interrogate him and find out why he and lumine haven't hung out often, right? but--

"we should be fine." kazuha speaks before you can, leaving you floored. "i'll see them home when we're finished here."

well, there goes your internal conflict. it's too late to back out now. you put on a brave face and hope that neither lumine nor aether can see through it. "i'll see if i can keep that winning streak for you, lumine." you say.

kazuha chuckles quietly. "is that a challenge i hear?"

god... damn him. "it sure is." you play along and give him a grin.

all your years of friendship must have meant nothing, because lumine doesn't pick up on your silent distress signals. she and aether say quick goodbyes before turning and heading home, leaving you with kazuha. once the twins are gone, you hop to your feet. since there's no one here to save you, you may as well dive in head first. "so," you say with a sigh, "which game do you want to play first?"

rather than suggest a game, kazuha shakes his head. "we don't have to play a game if you don't want to." like always, he tilts his head to the side just a little. he's so endearing. "you don't seem like you want to play anymore. am i correct?"

"i..." you deflate a little. "yeah, you're right. i'm sorry. i don't want to bore you or anything, but i just don't have it in me anymore."

thankfully, kazuha doesn't pry. he pushes one of the plushies in your direction. you'd actually forgotten he was holding it. it's a little penguin with a frog hat on — absolutely adorable. the other penguin that he's holding has a dinosaur hat. were they a matching set?

you don't take the plushy right away, which prompts kazuha to speak. he shifts his stance a little bit and... maybe it's just the trick of the light — it is quite dark in here — but you think you can see his cheeks turning color. "this is for you," he says. in an uncharacteristic moment of shyness, he suddenly backtracks. "only if you want it, of course. i won't push it on you, but... i figured that you might like it."

you blink a few times. you kick yourself and reach out to take the penguin — it's soft to the touch and the perfect size for hugging. you hold the thing gingerly in your arms and stare at it for a moment. did he really get this for you? or did he get this for lumine? maybe she didn't want it and that's why he's giving it to you; yeah, that has to be it. but just to be sure, you look up at kazuha, hoping you're not smiling as widely as you think you are. "you really didn't have to. why're you so nice to me, huh?"

you foolishly asked that as a joke, but this time, you're absolutely sure kazuha's face starts to redden. it's hidden by the lights of the games around you, but even in this dim lighting, you know what you saw. he doesn't look too fazed by it, though. "must there be a reason?" he asks in return.

you know what? no. some things are better left unexplained. you shake your head and hug the penguin close. "thank you, kazuha." you think you're going to explode. "really. i love it."

"i'm glad," kazuha says. and boy, does he look the part. the relief on his face is palpable. for someone with such an even expression, he sure is easy to read when he's nervous. what he's nervous about, you have no idea. but he's also really fucking cute. he shifts on his feet and breaks eye contact after a beat of silence. "why don't we get you home?" he suggests. "it's probably late at night."

ah. well, there goes your excitement. he just wants to get rid of you now, huh? for someone who's not supposed to like him, you sure do have pretty intense mood swings when he's involved. you agree and the two of you head outside and start towards your home.

the walk home is slow and silent, and kazuha's walking close by your side. you'd think of something to say, but it's a very comfortable silence — with you hugging the plushie that he got for you in one arm, you don't see any reason to speak. it's not like this is abnormal, anyway; he's seen you home many times before. you hazard a glance at kazuha after a moment to find scarlet eyes already focused on you. you look away in a hurry, as does he. weird.

even weirder still, you feel kazuha's fingers knock against yours. are you two really walking that close together? you flinch away from his touch like he'd burned you. "i'm sorry." he apologizes right away.

"no, it's okay." you reassure him. to make him believe you, you put your hand back where it was. it's not until you do that you realize that that wasn't the first time your hands have touched. you soon find that that wasn't the last, either; once more, kazuha's fingers knock against yours. you don't move away this time, instead opting to knock back. you swear you can hear him chuckle when you do, but maybe you're just imagining things.

a few more seconds pass and you feel kazuha's fingers intertwining with yours, and for a second, your mind completely stops. tonight was moving so fast — first you realize that you're a goner for kazuha, then he gifts you a plushie, and then he's holding your hand? what is happening right now? and why aren't you pulling away?

you should pull away, you have to, but... you can't bring yourself to. your fingers lock with kazuha's one by one until eventually, you're completely holding his hand. he's so warm, you think. he always is. the walk home remains silent, and you and kazuha exchange playful squeezes every so often.

(to make yourself feel better, you tell yourself that this is just you training him for when he starts dating lumine. maybe that will ease your conscience.)

iii.

so you're in love with kazuha. big fucking surprise there.

you quickly realized that you were doomed from the moment you met. not that it was love at first sight, but he charmed you right away. he was the one who had you hook, line, and sinker from the very start. it doesn't help that he became a permanent addition to your friend group; you're forced to face him and your feelings just about every single day. you're reminded every day of how much of a weakling you are when it comes to him. you hold his hand, you share food with him, you sleep with the plushie he gave you, you borrow his sweaters... you're a fucking mess.

it's agonizing. you were supposed to be helping lumine and kazuha get together, but you grew too greedy and inserted yourself into a position that wasn't meant for you. you try every day to rationalize with yourself and aay that the two of you are just really close friends, but friends don't think about each other the way you think about him. even worse was that you couldn't tell lumine about it — the only person who knew of your feelings was aether, and he gave you shit about it whenever he could.

come clean, he says. stop lying to yourself, he says. to that, you have to laugh. if it were that easy to rid yourself of this situation, you would've done it months ago.

there's only one solution to this problem, and that's to avoid kazuha like the plague.

it makes sense, right? just ignore it until it goes away? because there's no other way for you to get over this. you're starting to dream about kazuha; about kissing him, about holding him in your arms, about being with him. so maybe if you see him less, the thoughts will go away.

it starts with you not going to the café anymore. when kazuha texted you and asked why you hadn't been showing up, you brushed it off with a lie, saying that you found a place with better coffee. he asked what the place was called, but you left him on read. (a very adult move.)

then, you stopped making eye contact whenever you passed by him. it was hard for a few days since you missed seeing his eyes light up whenever he saw you, but you had to be strong. you're better than this, dammit. don't think about how dejected he might look when he realizes that you're avoiding him — don't you do it!

after that, you stopped going out with the twins if kazuha was going. every time they suggest something, your first question is if he is going to be there. if the answer is yes, you make up an excuse to stay home. lumine was really fucking upset with you for bailing because of some petty argument that she thought you two had, but when she pieced it together that you weren't going to budge, she gave up trying. (man, you wish it was just some argument — disputes can be solved. not feelings.)

lastly, you straight up walked away from him if he approached you. you wouldn't just ignore his presence, of course — you're an asshole, not a monster — but if he tried to make conversation, you would cut it short and hightail it out of there.

"it's been a few weeks since we've talked." kazuha sounded so pleased when he managed to stop you one day. you didn't know why you let him catch up to you, but once he got to you, you couldn't just up and leave. so you decided to hear him out. "have you been well?"

no, you wanted to say. not in the fucking slightest. but you're grown — fake it 'till you make it, baby. you nodded and gave him your best smile. "yeah. better than usual, actually."

you watched kazuha's face fall ever so slightly. he was quick to fix his mistake; his usual smile returned to his face in an instant. if you were anyone else, you wouldn't have noticed. but you noticed. you'll always notice. "i see." he said. "that's good to hear."

because you didn't want to be subject to his quickly declining mood, you excused yourself. "i gotta run, but i'll see you some other time, okay?" you said. (like a liar.)

anyone could have seen the glimmer of hope that appeared in kazuha's eyes. "of course. be safe, please." he gave you a little wave as you took off.

after about three weeks of not seeing kazuha, you think yourself to be cured. huzzah, it worked! sure, you're still daydreaming about him, but it's not as vivid if you can't see him every day! he hasn't texted you or approached you outside in a couple days which, admittedly, stung like hell, but it's for the better. kazuha can focus on lumine without you in the way, and you can move on with your life.

you spend most of your time in the library these days. lumine's been super pissed at you lately — probably because of the whole kazuha thing, but you're not sure why she wants you to spend time with him so badly. to avoid potential conflict, you hole yourself up in here. being surrounded by books (reminds you of kazuha) makes you feel at peace; it's so quiet in here, which makes it easy to focus on work (which in turn helps you stop thinking about kazuha).

the library is empty today, save for a few people seated at the tables on the other side of the building. you're standing in front of a bookshelf skimming through a book when you suddenly hear a soft whisper of your name. thinking it's aether, you prepare a shitty excuse for why you're not home, but when you see who it is, your blood goes cold.

it's kazuha. you haven't seen him in three whole weeks.

you swallow back your apprehension as best you can. "hey, what's up?" you try to remain as casual as possible. "do you need one of the books behind me?"

kazuha's brows draw in a little. "are you asking that so you can make your escape?" his comment is a little pointed — so pointed, in fact, that you visibly wince and give yourself away. he sighs when you do. "i was hoping that i wouldn't be correct. have i done something wrong?"

that's just like him — straight to the point. you flounder for an answer. "of course not." you shake your head.

"then is it alright if i ask why you've been avoiding me?"

"what? why would i do that?" your eyes slowly drift to the side. you're not too fond of all the attention you're getting right now.

"you can never make eye contact when you're hiding something." kazuha walks closer to you, but you keep your eyes on something else. "you won't even look at me. i must have done something to cause this."

no, no, no, he's blaming himself! stop him! you force yourself to make eye contact with him, but wither under his stare. you look away again and your face starts to grow hot. "you didn't do anything, kazuha," you say honestly. "i promise. "i've just been busy, that's all."

kazuha doesn't back down. "i've heard from lumine that you've been spending time here instead of at your home. she's worried about you. she-- i'm worried about you."

"don't do that," you blurt. you're starting to breathe a little faster, you notice. "stop worrying about me. you shouldn't." kazuha starts to retort, but you cut him off with a shake of your head. you turn around and put the book back in it's place. "look, i need to go. please move."

you never wanted to be so forceful with him — so cold. but what else can you do when cornered like this? he's desperate and you can tell, but so are you. you don't want to confront your feelings anymore. you just can't. you're tired of feeling like a shitty person for being in love. this is the only way you can make it stop.

kazuha doesn't make it easy for you, though. when you try to move away, he steps closer, invading your space. "if there's something wrong, you would tell me, right?" his voice is so soft, so mellow. it's like a hug, which you could really use right about now. normally, you'd get that from kazuha, but well... you don't answer him, nor do you look at him. kazuha then takes your chin in his fingers and gently makes you face him. "would you please look at me?"

your eyes land on him and it's like the world's faded away. there's so much rolling off of him at once; unease, comfort, and suspicion all hit you at the same time, and it overwhelms you. you don't like how tender this moment feels. he's so close — too close. you can smell maple and cedar, and not because you're wearing his sweater (which you didn't realize until just now). autumnal eyes threaten to take you under and you feel your eyes start to sting. "kazuha, let go." your voice wavers and your heart throbs. "please."

you wish you could read his mind. his eyes search your face, though you're not sure what for. the seconds of silence that tick by are excruciating, but when they finally come to an end, kazuha lets you go. his hand falls to his side and he steps away with a bitter smile. "i'm sorry. i fear i may have made the problem worse."

that's putting it lightly. you step around him wordlessly, but before you can get too far, kazuha catches your hand in his, stopping you. you don't turn around. you can't.

"i miss you." kazuha speaks at a whisper, a volume so low that you shouldn't have been able to hear it. but you heard it. whenever he speaks, you listen with your entire being.

he lets you go after a few more seconds and you take the opportunity to grab what stuff you have and make a beeline for the exit. you fumble for the doorknob on the way out; your vision is too blurred by tears for you to make it out properly. you manage, and you set off towards home, where you're going to ignore lumine yet again and mope in your room.

(and as you cry to yourself that evening, you can only think of the way you saw kazuha's eyes fall to your lips as he held you in place. you think of how badly you wanted to confess everything to him and clear the air for good, but you also remember what you were tasked with. this is for the better, you tell yourself. this is for the better.)

iv.

kazuha should have never agreed to this.

honestly, what was he thinking? why did he allow lumine to play matchmaker? he has two legs and a functioning mouth; he could have walked up to you and started a conversation himself, no problem. things would have been so much easier if he had just swallowed his pride and spoken to you like a normal adult. but no, he just had to go along with this idea.

in retrospect, it seemed like a good idea. but perhaps he's been reading too many novels. meeting through a mutual friend is a lovely concept, but it would appear that it only works in fictional worlds. he'd hoped to just spend time with you through lumine, but somehow, you got the wrong idea and started trying to push him onto her, which made no sense. and not only did it not make sense, but it completely backfired — you're absolutely miserable now and so is he.

kazuha's not an idiot. he knows that you have feelings for him. and the only reason he knows is because you seemingly reciprocated when he approached you romantically. he thought he was being obvious — giving you a plushie, holding your hand, lending you his sweaters, resting his head on your shoulder during movie nights... you accepted it all. he wasn't being subtle at all, right?

so then how? how on earth did things end up like this? he asks lumine as much when they meet up a few mornings later.

"they've been ignoring me too," lumine grumbles, "you aren't special."

right, because that helps. kazuha buries his hand in his hair. "every time i try to talk to them, they manage to slip through my fingers."

lumine frowns at him. "are they actually slipping away, or are you letting them get away?" he must take too long to answer, because she tuts at him. "if this is because you don't want to overwhelm them, then you're being stupid. they're overwhelming themself with this whole... thing, okay?"

but he's too much for you, he wants to say. every time he comes around you, you look about ready to explode. you look so torn, and he hates it. he just wants you to smile at him again. "at the very least, i want to repair our friendship." he sighs. it hurts to even think about keeping you at a distance, but if that's what it takes for you to come back, then... "they cried on their way out of the library the other day."

lumine's expression falls. he's never seen her look so saddened before. "yeah, i heard."

"you heard?"

"our walls may be thick, but our doors aren't." she grimaces. "the sniffing told me all i needed to know."

there's a tense silence. neither of them know what to say because in the end, this is their fault. this whole misunderstanding and your pain? that's on them. if they want to solve this--

"you have to confess." lumine voices kazuha's thoughts out loud. "that's literally the only way this is gonna stop."

while kazuha acknowledges that she's correct, there's two ways that this could go. you would either: a) accept his confession, start dating him, get married someday, and live happily ever after, or b) turn him down and hate him for causing this whole misunderstanding, leaving the two of you to be miserable forever. either way, life as he knows it now is going to end — how it ends is purely up to you.

kazuha agrees to do so and asks lumine for your whereabouts. despite not being on talking terms for a while, she still knows where you are. (it's how we care for each other, she explains.) as he walks, he lets his head fill with thoughts of you.

unsurprisingly, you're all he's been thinking about. you're all he ever thinks about, really. he thinks about the way you tried to hide your joy when he gave you that plushie in the arcade that day; the way you flustered every time he "jokingly" kissed your hand; the way you seemed to melt into his clothes whenever you wore them; the way you seemed to read his mind whenever you couldn't help but stare at him, the way you would smile when he felt warm at having been caught staring back.

he huffs a laugh to himself. it's hilarious how after all that, you still thought that he liked lumine instead of you. honestly; you two have nearly kissed several times, and yet you think he liked someone else? your mind will never cease to amaze him, beautiful and strange as it is.

kazuha comes to a halt under a canopy of trees with bright red leaves. the change in seasons has turned the campus into a beautiful landscape; all of the usual resting spots were less inhabited by others, which made them the perfect escape for people like him. you're seated on a bench underneath those trees with your nose buried in a book and, if he squints, he thinks you're wearing his scarf. you're exactly where lumine said you would be. perfect.

deciding not to wait until his nerves get the best of him, kazuha approaches you and sits a little ways away from you on the bench. right away, he notices the way you go completely still, your shoulders visibly stiffening. he sighs internally. how should he speak in order to not scare you away? it's a miracle you haven't just up and walked off, actually.

"...why are you here, kazuha?" you ask flatly. you sound like you're holding something back. "what do you want?"

"you're not going to leave?" he asks in return.

you shake your head. "i don't see the point in running from you anymore."

so you finally admit that you were running. it'd be humorous if it didn't sting so bad. "you're going to listen to what i have to say?" he asks again for good measure. when you nod again, kazuha takes a steadying breath. he just needs to get it out there. he needs to let you know. it shouldn't be hard — it's not hard. he may as well have told you already with the way he treats you. just say it.

and say it he does. "i'm in love with you."

immediately, you rise to your feet. kazuha balls one hand into a fist as he fights the urge to pull you back down. if you want to leave, then so be it. he told you, and that's all he can do; whether or not you believe him is purely up to you. you stay standing for a while, and he can see you clenching and unclenching your fists over and over, but eventually, you sit back down. you rest your book to the side and put a hand over your eyes.

"are you alright?" kazuha dares to ask.

you laugh humorlessly. "of course not. you're not supposed to like me, kazuha. please don't do this." you start to bounce your leg rapidly. "take it back, or... or something. just don't get my hopes up."

he scoots closer to you cautiously. when you don't back away, he keeps moving until your shoulders are touching. he calls your name softly and you shake your head sharply. "stop saying my name like that. would you stop being so... so nice to me? i'm gonna get the wrong idea."

"you're not getting the wrong idea," kazuha keeps his voice low. "i'm telling you the truth. and the truth is that i'm in love with you." he rests his hand over your free hand on the bench. "is that wrong of me?"

"yes! i mean-- no? ugh, fuck you." you sniff and swipe your hand over your face. kazuha tries to get a good look at you, but you turn your head away, keeping him from doing so.

"i'm in the wrong." you finally say after a while. "i was supposed to-- you and lumine were supposed to be a thing, not-- not us. but i... fuck," you pause for a second to sniff. "i fell in love with you anyways, and i just feel like a terrible person, okay? i ignored you because i wanted to just... stop feeling like shit, i guess. i wanted to forget about you and this stupid deal that i made with lumine and--"

kazuha taps the underside of your chin twice. you take a moment to collect yourself and slowly turn to look at him. "what do you want?" you ask. it's spoken harshly, but there's no bite to your words.

"did you forget?" he asks.

"wh-- no. god, no. i could never." you give him a wry smile. "unfortunately, you're all i think about, so no. you didn't let me forget. thanks for that, by the way."

one more time, kazuha thinks. just one more. "i love you." he says.

your lashes flutter and your face warms. "i love you too, kazuha. but-- mmh--"

that's all kazuha needed to hear. he leans in and kisses you, silencing your thoughts. he hears you sigh into the kiss and you start to kiss back, but he pulls away slightly before you can. "can you say it again?" he murmurs against your lips. "one more time."

your breathing is shaky, but you speak anyways. "i love you."

kazuha kisses you again. "once more, petal. please."

"you're so greedy," you chuckle shakily. "i lov-- mmf--" kazuha kisses you again but you pull back with a laugh. "at least let me finish my sentence--"

"no." kazuha drinks in your laugh when he kisses you this time, his skin singing at the contact. he's wanted to this for so long -- wanted to kiss you silly and hear you laugh. you're all he's wanted this whole time, and he's not going to pass up this opportunity to let you know. each time you try to speak, kazuha kisses you to shut you up. and each time, it makes you smile wider. you kiss until you can't anymore — you're both smiling much too wide.

"do you still think you're not supposed to be with me?" he asks cheekily.

your face doesn't fall at his question. that spark that your eyes held a few weeks prior is back and brighter than before. you look renewed — you're glowing. while basking in your glow, kazuha wonders if he is, too. you lean in and kiss him quick, resting your forehead on his when you pull away. "don't ask stupid questions." you chuckle. "i said i loved you, didn't i?"

kazuha hums. "and i said the same. so what now?"

"i dunno." you sigh and lean away. "we tell lumine, i guess?"

he squeezes your hand. "about us?"

you nod. "about us."

(when you get home and tell her later, she yells: "fucking finally!" and pulls you in for a hug.)

✦ *bows* and that's what i call a job well done.

✦ seriously, i hope you guys liked it 🥰

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #kazuha x reader #[ ✍️🏽 — scribbles! ]

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fanfictilltheend · 1 year

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You should see me in a crown - Chapter 5 (Y/N Grimes/Negan Smith)

AO3 LINK

Chapter 4 // Chapter 6

Masterlist

A/n: Thanks for reading! Let me know if you want more. Also, I haven't written in this verse in literally years so I hope it feels cohesive. Let me know! I have one more chapter planned but not written yet so it may take a lil while. If you guys want more than that you have to let me know. Also, I have a Joel miller x reader in the works requested to me on tumblr. We have made it to 15 followers on tumblr lmao come join in the squad! Y/N is like 20 in this and Negan is whatever age he is in season 7 so if that’s too much of an age gap please turn back!

Warnings: 18+ smut do not interact if not 18+ afab!you, daddy kink, kissing, age difference, abusive!Rick Grimes, protective Negan, sexual touching, oral sex, multiple orgasms, cumming untouched, facials, attempted orgasm denial

Summary: Negan expresses doubts and things look grim for a while until they don't.

When I wake up the next morning, Negan is gone from the bed. I figure he's probably busy running an empire, so it makes sense, but part of me is still a little sad I'm alone. I have imagined waking up in his arms so many times it feels a little disappointing to be on my own.

So I put on my clothes then enter into the living room area and there’s Negan eating breakfast and reviewing some maps at the dining table. He’s wearing these black reading glasses that make him look very sexy in my opinion.

He looks at me, lowering his glasses on the bridge of his nose, then back to his maps. He doesn't greet me.

That’s strange.

“Hey,” I say. “Are you mad at me or something?”

“What?” he asks breaking into a smirk, but his expression is distant. “Mad at ya? What makes you think that?”

Maybe I'm just overthinking things, but something in his vibe is definitely different. He's looking at me guiltily like he's my teacher about to tell me I'm failing tenth-grade English or something. Not like a guy who wants to fuck me.

“Nothing,” I mumble, forcing the thought away. “So what are we doing today?”

“I was thinking,” he begins, avoiding my eyes. “I think it’s time to get you back to Alexandria.”

“ What?” I spit, feeling like I've just been socked in the chest. I don’t believe this. “After everything I told you about Rick you think that's a good idea?”

“What? No, not like that,” he replies dismissively. “I’d beat the shit out of him first to get him to leave you alone and all and I’d always be there to reinforce the idea, but then I think you should get home to your family after.”

“Did I miss something?” I ask, thinking he’s kidding. “I thought it was cool to stay here for a while…”

I try to sit down in his lap, but he frowns and pushes me away lightly.

What the fuck?!

“Shit, do you not like me anymore?” I ask incredulously, so deeply hurt by his rejection I don’t even tear up. “I mean, are you embarrassed by me or something?”

“Listen, Y/N, I’m not one to beat around the bush: I'm ending things between us,” he says softly, avoiding my eyes. “It’s for your own goddamn good too, believe me.” He narrows his own eyes when he sees the disbelieving look on my face. “I mean we’re mortal fucking enemies for Christ sake!”

“That can’t be the reason!” I nearly shout, absolutely flabbergasted at this turn of events. “You didn’t care about that yesterday!” I shoot back, still not fully believing him. “This is bullshit. I know you like me.”

“Do you?” he asks in amusement, but perhaps also cruelly. “Yesterday you thought there was a distinct chance I was a goddamn evil supervillain who was manipulating the shit out of you to get to your dear old dad. Maybe that’s all this was.”

I swallow, studying his face. Is he telling the truth? He can’t be, can he? I know what we’ve been feeling is real, right? I’ve never liked someone as much as I’ve liked him. But then something clenches in my stomach.

“Is that why you won’t all-out fuck me?” I ask, dejectedly, my heart now in my throat. “Or let me see your dick? ‘Cause you never really liked me?”

That would make sense. Maybe he really did play me. I’m crying now too, my lip trembling. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. That’s just fan-fucking-tastic. But it would explain why he’s been so slow to have sex.

“Hey, don’t fucking cry!” Negan exclaims, panic and guilt covering his features. And then his light eyes turn into an even worse expression: pity. “We’ve only had a thing for like a couple of days! You can’t like me that much. What about your merry band of Alexandria men? The ones who wanna fuck you and all. How about them? What do you have to cry for?”

“Fuck you,” I say, rubbing the tears from my eyes. “I made them up. There are no guys back at Alexandria who want to fuck me. I made them up to make you jealous. Because I like you, okay? You make me feel so safe and special. I don’t believe you could fake how nice you’ve been to me. But tell me right now it was all fake and I’ll b-believe you I guess. I’ll leave you the fuck alone. I respect boundaries…”

I am straight-up ugly crying right now like a little kid and I wipe my nose on my sleeve, sniveling. Be more pathetic! I think to myself. But that asshole really did hurt my feelings.

“Maybe I happen to believe you’d be better off without me,” Negan begins slowly in his deep, gravelly voice, not really meeting my eyes. “Maybe I believe I’ll hurt someone as genuine as you.” He looks up at me. “I’m an asshole, Y/N, what can I say? I have five wives. And you’re just this kid with a shining light in her. I’d kill anyone who lays a finger on you and I’d never fucking live with myself if I hurt you or put that light out.”

Oh. So that’s what this is about. He’s scared of hurting me. I’m flattered, but he really is a fucking idiot!

“So then don’t hurt me,” I tell him. “It’s that simple. I mean, you asshole, breaking up with me — whatever this is — hurts so fucking bad. Don’t do it. And choose not to hurt me in the future. And then keep making that choice. You’re a smart and capable man. I think you can treat me right if you try. And what am I? Some of grandma’s fine fucking China? I can take a little heartache if need be. I’m not a pussy and you said it. And here’s the last thing I’ll say about this: you’re catching feelings for me. I know it. I see it in your eyes.”

He blinks at me funny and I know I’m right.

“Need to get your eyes checked then,” he mocks stubbornly.

“Fuck you, don’t push me away because you’re afraid,” I tell him.

“Fine,” he relents with a sigh. “Let’s just say, you may have a smart little brain in that hot fucking head of yours,” he admits, uncrossing his arms. “Maybe I am falling a little too fast. And maybe it fucking terrifies me.”

Aw, that’s actually really sweet! I knew the feelings I’m feeling weren’t one-sided. I wonder just how deep he’s fallen because I know I am head over heels. He just had to be a dick about it though…

“I haven’t felt this way since…” he trails off.

“Since Lucille?” I finish for him.

“Fuck. How’d you know, kid? It’s like you can read my goddamn mind. But yeah, since Lucille. She was a real spitfire, same as you. Only you’re a bit softer and sweeter. She would have liked you…” he trails off again, looking distantly into the past and over his bat which is lying on the chair next to him.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Negan,” I tell him honestly. “I bet I would have liked her too.”

He reaches out a big hand and ruffles my hair and I swat his hand away, grinning stupidly.

“So now that we’ve got that angsty shit out of the way, you won’t try to send me home now, right?” I ask. “And you’ll kiss and touch me again ‘till I can’t breathe?”

He looks like he’s trying to resist, but pats his lap and I sit in it, my heart beating quickly.

“Maybe just maybe you’ve convinced me to let this shenanigan continue,” he breathes into my ear and I shiver.

“Apologize for scaring me,” I command, grinding down on his lap.

He grunts in surprise and starts to get a little hard.

“I’m not big on apologies,” he tells me cockily. “Plus maybe you scare me a little.”

“In a good way?” I ask, grinding down on him again.

“In what I now think is a very good way. And maybe I’ll make it up to you right now for failing to see it from the start.”

He reaches his hand down my pants and starts rubbing my clit and I let out a whine.

“You know what would really hit the spot?” I ask as he works me, trying not to sound so absolutely wrecked by him. “And would prove your undying devotion to me?”

“What’s that?” he asks cockily, sticking a rough finger deep inside me and I moan. His finger is so big and fills me up so much compared to one of mine.

“If I could see your cock?” I whimper as he begins to finger me at an earth-shattering pace, in and out.

He grins.

“How do you ask, baby?”

“Please, Daddy can I see your cock?” I ask nicely.

He reaches his other hand down and undoes the button on his khakis and pulls out a very hard-looking dick. I may not have seen too many dicks in my day, but I do know a nice one when I see it. It is long and girthy and the reddish head is nearly purple. Goddamn. My mouth waters.

“Can I touch it?” I whine eagerly, now soaking wet.

“There’s my dirty girl,” he chuckles. “But not until you cum.”

“Well then get to work!” I challenge, grinding into his fingers, dripping down into his lap.

“With pleasure,” he chuckles. “Ride my fingers, baby.”

He rubs my clit some more with his thumb and then curls his finger deep inside me. I practically seize.

“Jesus,” he laughs, his eyes lighting up. “All this for just one finger?”

“And your dick,” I remind him, moaning. “How about another finger?”

“So greedy," he chuckles in approval. "But anything for you, baby girl.”

He does as he’s told and I feel so good and turned on I’m going to cum soon.

“Now, tell me what you like about old Negan Jr,” he commands, licking the shell of my ear, stroking his cock. “Since you were so goddamn eager to see him.”

“Do you mean your dick?” I snicker incredulously.

“At least I don’t call it my goddamned ‘meat wand’ or my ‘quivering’ fucking ‘manhood’ like I bet you read in some of those romance novels I saw in your bedroom. That could be arranged.”

“Shut up!” I snort, wanting to ask him how he knows so much about romance novels. “Keep fingering me, asshole,” I say because he’s stopped. He starts up again, hitting just the right spot. I let out a low moan. “But I’ll bite. Your cock is so hot and big, Daddy. I don’t know if it will fit in me.”

“You are very tight, princess,” he agrees, adding a third finger, pushing in and out of me so fast I see stars.

“And it looks like it will stretch me so well,” I whimper. “Can’t wait to suck it.”

Negan groans.

“Can I touch it now, please?” I whine, dangerously close to the edge.

“Not until you cum on Daddy’s hand. Go on, baby girl,” he tells me fondly.

He fingers me so hard and so fast I lean back into him and cum with a small sob, and he doesn’t stop until I am an oversensitive, spasming mess.

“N-negan!” I moan desperately, only a puddle of a human being at this point.

But even then he doesn’t stop, grinning a wicked grin, and I am riding over the edge again and I cum twice around his fingers as he hits that perfect spot inside of me, letting out a little scream.

“Jesus, sweetheart,” Negan grins in my ear as my body stops its spasming. “That was so hot.”

“That’s the first time I’ve cum from you,” I remark, panting. “But not the first time I’ve cum because of you. That felt so good, Negan. Way better than when I touch myself. Can I touch you now?”

“Anything for my dirty girl. Go on,” he teases as I look into his dancing hazel-brown eyes.

I reach down between my legs and stroke his throbbing cock and the soft flesh is hard as diamond.

He groans deeply, smiling at me stupidly.

“I’ve been waiting so fucking long for that,” he tells me. “Wanted it to be just right for you.”

“Me too,” I agree. “But it always would have been just right. Don’t you know?”

I spit into my hand and start working his cock and Negan moans appreciatively into my ear and my heart pounds deliciously.

“Feels so good, angel,” he whines in my ear. Precum is leaking down my fingers. The shaft and fat head are so swollen. I love when he calls me that.

“Can I put you in my mouth, Daddy?” I ask, reaching down to touch myself, even though I am so spent. Heat still surges between my legs.

“Are you sure, baby? Don’t wanna make you lift a finger,” he tells me seriously. “This is allegedly my apology to you.”

“Who said this was for your benefit?” I ask. “Plus maybe I like spoiling you too.”

“Well, aren’t you a goddamn sweetheart. If you insist…Fuck!” He groans as I get between his knees and bring the warm head to my mouth. “Shit, Y/N, I’m not gonna last if you keep sucking me like that. Taking me so well…”

I am so wet between my legs. He tastes so good and those hot little moans and groans he makes against me are driving me insane. I take as much of his length as I can fit in my mouth which is about three-quarters. The rest I jerk with my hands.

“I’m close, baby,” Negan grunts. “God, just looking at you. Can’t remember the last time I was this fast to cumming. But watching you cum from my fingers alone, twice no less. That just tickles my fucking balls! Literally. Fuck!” he grunts.

And just as he’s about to cum, I think, I pull off of him completely and squeeze his cock.

“Y/N?” he asks desperately, staring down at me, thrusting his cock into midair. “What the flying fuck—“

“Think you get to act like you’re leaving me and then cum? Dream on.” I announce, playing him at his own game, getting back at him from before. I let go of his cock.

Negan starts to laugh, but then his face contorts into a look of utter reverence and he cums anyway, untouched, squirting cum all over my face. That asshole!

Looks like I fucked up the timing or maybe he’s just that in control of his body...Goddamn.

“Oh my god!” Negan laughs through panting, when he calms down a little, his mouth wide open. He looks awed, almost starstruck. “That wasn’t on purpose, I swear! You’re just that hot I couldn’t fucking help it I guess!”

He throws his head back, snickering with laughter as I wipe cum out of my eye.

“You’re so fucking adorable I can’t get enough of you. Literally. First, you give me an amazing blowjob, and then you think you can play my game? But you just weren’t fast enough, baby. I love it! I told you no one will ever be as bad as me. Oh, come on, lighten up.”

“Maybe I’m smiling under all this jizz…” I say. “You wouldn’t know though. Now, help clean me off, you complete motherfucker.”

His eyes soften down at me and he takes off his undershirt to clean me up. He pulls me up into his lap, against his bare hairy chest.

“You’re a sweetheart. Truly.” He tells me. I lean against him so tightly I can hear his heart beating, not wanting to ever let go. “That’s part of why you scare me so much. I’m sorry I was a dick, alright? That shit about sending you home was dumb of me to even suggest when I care about you as much as I do. I think I just don’t know how to deal with how I feel about you, Y/N. It’s new for me.”

“You’re also just a dick,” I point out. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Haven’t cum like that in ages,” he tells me seriously, his voice vibrating through his body against my ear. “Just from looking at someone like that. You’re so beautiful, baby. Can’t believe you thought you could play me! But God, you looked so pretty with my cum on your face,” he muses. “That image is going in the spank bank for sure. Even if you ditch me for my dick behavior. It’s gonna be in the motherfucking spank bank hall of fame.”

“You’re so gross,” I inform him. “And a dick and a jerk and an asshole, but somehow I still like you. So I guess I’ll take you back.”

“Who said you ever let me go? I’ve got you fuckin’ wrapped, baby.”

He leans down to kiss me long and hard and I positively melt into his mouth and I know he’s right.

“Negan!” Simon suddenly calls from another room. I look up and sit up straighter and so does Negan. “Bossman, we have a goddamn visitor. You’ll never guess who it is…”

A/n: Can you guess who it is???? Feedback please or just leave a like or reblog if you enjoyed!!!!!! Chapter 6 will be coming soon but I have to finish writing it and know that people actually want me to post it.

Chapter 6

Masterlist

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samfromthewoodsbeyond · 19 days

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What if... (supernatural)

(I was listening to Friends on the Other Side by Keith David, btw(Just saying: this is also based off of my supernatural character a little bit only the appearance tho(sorry that it's so long and if there are any grammatical errors just comment the correct word(s) please, english is not my first language)))

So, what if there was like a gambling/betting demon in season 16 (I'm not sure if it has or hasn't been confirmed yet so bear with me) so in the earlier seasons it's shown that they got there money by betting on things to get there money.

So, they don't need lots of money anymore (I think) because they live(d) in the bunker, what if Dean wanted to gamble/ bet on something again (or they were on a hunt and had to go somewhere to get information) but didn't know/ hadn't been told that there was a gambling/betting demon.

He sits down at the table he finds most interesting and starts to play, after a while (two to three rounds) he had gotten a bit of money and lost a little bit (way) more (since it's Dean) when a(n) (unusual) player joins his party (the person they needed if on hunt (the gambling/betting demon)) and started to play with him.

He keeps playing but realizes something about this mistery person and starts focussing on their (preferably a dude that looks like he's in his late 30s/early 40s, and like Kurt (Hummel is his last name in glee, if you want to find a picture of him or something) gay) face to guess if their bluffing or not, but fails to do so.

Then after a while the person starts opening up a little bit more he finds out their name and what they do here and how many times they visit(ed) this place and then he lets something slip that's a hint for people to try and figure out who they are.

If he's there for information on a case/hunt:

when it cuts back to Dean (after it went to Sam/Jack/Castiel(who's been saved from The Empty) who knows maybe all of them) Dean realizes it and when he starts to point a finger at them the person(demon) stands up and walks away from the table before the next round begins. Dean stands up and follows them two seconds after since he's still getting his brain together and pins him to the wall when they're outside. Then he proceeds to get his 'special' knife out and holds it at the demon's throat and starts questioning them.(let me know if i need to finsish this one, 'cause I'm not having the best thinking processes right now)

If he's gambling/ betting on things for fun(since he misses it a little):

when it cuts back to Dean, (after it went to Sam/Jack/Castiel(who's been saved from The Empty) who knows maybe all of them) he's still in the blind of what this person is and theey smirk a little before getting good cards and switches them (with his powers) with Dean's shitty ones before going all in and flopping at the last moment to make sure Dean wins(since he means no harm and has been thrown out of Hell since forever) and smiles a little before winking at Dean (who looks like a kid on Christmas morning) before winking and standing up to say good game. Before they leave the person straightens his clothes and flashes his eyes black for a quick second before leaving just to show Dean (since he knows who he is) that he meant no harm.

(Let me no if I should finish these since it was just a small 'What if..")

Have a nice day!

#supernatural #dean winchester #destiel #castiel #sam winchester #jack kline #sorry if it's too weird but then again It's my imagination and not yours #love yall #what if #spn

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princelylove · 2 months

Note

Hello prince, are you doing alright?, is all better from the surgery? i know is been sometime but i still wanted to check on that :D

May i please request for a stressed out darling who plays 'housewife' for Narancia just because they can't take the disorganization he has on? like darling cleaning even the knife Narancia uses to attack people and cooking warm foods because they can't take what the boy has been eating, i would smack him with my chancla and cook warm foods for him just because i can't take that unhealthy life style he has going on "Nara did you just you came from a mission and hugged me? go take a warm bath now or i'll make you, i will be waiting for you at the table be quick or the food will go cold" i do not fear his knife, he better take a bath when coming 'home' or i will bath him without a hint of shame or embarrassment. Sorry to bother and thank you, Your Highness hope this doesn't annoy you or anything English is not my mother tongue ^_^'

All better from the surgery, dear anon. I'm up and walking and talking again. I'm still adjusting to some recent medical 'revelations,' let's call them, but I'm getting by. Don't develop a pain disorder, it's more annoying than anything else.

Well. 'Housewife' is a funny term for what you've described, anon, because to me, it looks like you're just mothering him. I could delve into a whole digression about how women in heterosexual relationships can take on a role as a second mother to the man, but... I don't want to stress myself out thinking about how awful that sounds. I'm not fond of mama's boys in the slightest.

Narancia would probably go for motherly types. Even if he has Bruno- feminine or masculine- he's still looking for a motherly darling because he just likes it. He's at that age where he can't really voice why he likes it, he'd just say "uhh 'cause it's hot" if he was asked.

But you and I both know what an Oedipus complex is. I hate to use any of Freud's work, but I've taken too many psych. classes to not reference it a little.

In Freud's opinion, which from this point on I'm going to be referring to as "The Psychoanalytic Theory," there's five stages of development that you go through when you're a baby to sexual maturity. There's this thing called the subconscious, and to put it simply, all the things you repress and don't wanna think about go there.

I'm only going to be focusing on two sections of the five stages of development today, the first being: the first. This one's called the Oral Stage.

When you go through a stage, you're going to either resolve it or fail to. When you're in the oral stage, you just wanna get your mouth on everything because you're a baby and that's how you settle that curiosity. New toy? Shove it in your mouth. Mommy talking to me? Eat her hair. You get it.

When you fail to resolve a stage, it gets shoved into your subconscious, and you develop a fixation. An oral fixation is normally shown through excessive biting, chewing on things such as pens, kissing items that aren't meant to be kissed, and even smoking.

The third stage of the five is called the Phallic Stage.

Do you know what happens when you fail to resolve the Phallic Stage, the stage where you identify with your same sex parent and notice the opposite sex parent is, in fact, the opposite sex?

You get an Oedipus Complex. If you're a boy, anyway. Freud liked to ignore women. I think there's a name for the feminine equivalent, but I don't remember at the moment.

And, when you fail to resolve both the Oral and Phallic stages, you get Narancia Ghirga.

He's so, so annoying about it. He doesn't even realize he has it- come on, every guy wants a babe that knows how to cook and wants to take care of you! He's not weird 'cause he likes how women are supposed to be. (He got smacked after saying that, don't worry.)

When he comes home to his darling cooking and cleaning and all of the shit he absolutely never wants to do 'as a man,' he's totally stoked, in his words.

Narancia will take your chancla gladly if it means you really love him- hey, he can take it. It's just a sandal, there's no real danger- ow. Ow. Ow. Hhholy shit. Ow. Babe. Ow.

#request granted #yandere narancia ghirga #cw misogyny #cw gender roles #should i tag freud #lmfao.

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danicloth · 4 months

Note

Hello! My name is Moriah and I am a junior in high school. I was wondering if I might be able to get your insight on a few questions I have?

I am in my final years of high school and am starting to think about college but I have no idea what I want to pursue. I know I love art, so for a long time I have been thinking about getting an art major or going to an art school.

I’m reaching out because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR ART and I think you are a very talented artist! I have been in love with your art for so long and I am curious and wondering how you are able to fit drawing into your life?

1.) Do you think going to school for art or having an art major is worth it? What was it like?

2.) how can I fit art into my everyday life? I’m sure you have work and other things to do in your life so how do you balance it out? (I just want to know how you can draw as much as you do!)

3.) do you do art as a hobby or a career? If it is a hobby how to you balance work, art, and home life? If it is a career or part-time career is it an alright source of income?

Thank you so much! And sorry if these questions might seem personal. I just want to know how other artist manage to draw and create their work and still have an adult life. Thanks again, and thank you for being a huge inspiration in my life to create the art I love! Your art means so much to me!❤️❤️ ❤️

Hi Moriah!! How have you been? :D✨ I'm so sorry it took me sooooo long to respond. I've been busy like crazy 😩 but I'll try to be as honest as possible and make it understandable too, ‘cause, you know, my english sometimes fails me jaja

1. In my case it was 💜, being able to study the things I love made it much easier for me to finish my degree and know what I want to do now, and although I know that now we are in a time in which you can learn many things just by watching videos or tutorials (especially related to drawing), I still believe that if you want that, you like it and you know you can be good at it, do it ✨, it is better to be happy doing what you like than to be stuck in something you don't, although I would recommend having a idea WHAT you want to study, maybe animation, character design, graphic design, etc. That will create a clearer vision of where you want to go. You can ask yourself, of everything you do, what do you like the most?

2. Personally, I am a very organized person >w<, not to the point of writing down everything I do or have to do in the day, but having an idea of the things I should do helps me a lot, since there are things that I obviously cannot skip, such as work, that takes up a lot of my time, so every time I can I start drawing, even if it's just a small doodle, it's well known that if you want to improve you have to practice and you don't know how much just scribbling helps you 0m0, much of which I know I learned by trying and trying and trying just by drawing silly things in my notebooks, but of course drawing all day is not healthy either. For example, if I get tired I take breaks, maybe to eat a snack, go out with my friends or play with my pet, like that you balance your routine a little, doing your responsibilities but improving along the way and without getting tired.

3. Right now only as a hobby jaja, this year I would like to look for a job related to animation so I couldn't help you as much in that aspect, but I can tell you that nowadays you should have two or more sources of income, even if you have a permanent job in something related to art, have another one just in case or if you have a hobby you can also take advantage of it, like me for example, making commissions you could say that it is my hobby and I am taking advantage of it, but as I mentioned before, organizing yourself will help you. It helps a lot in what you want to do, where you want to go and even your life ✨

I feel very honored that you asked me 🥹✨, don't worry, I am also very new to being a functional adult on my own xD but I am happy to know that you can have that trust with me 💜, I hope that some of my answers have helped you ^w^ I send you a big hug 🫂✨

#And thank you very much for the nice comments you always post about my art 🥹#I always read them all ✨💛#good questions #danicloth #answers #personal #dani answers #art

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thania-keiji-gf · 2 years

Note

so so, for your event:

hi!! congrats on 200 :)) so i’m a little confused on how it works (english isn’t my first language) so tell me if i’m doing this right?

- can i request a izuku x reader, kirishima x reader or bakugo x reader (whichever one’s easier) with a socially anxious s/o and comforting them after a presentation in school? i prefer izuku but i gave you three options because you might be more comfortable w another character :)

FIRST EVENT — BNHA REQUEST ✨

"YOU DID A GOOD JOB, BABY."

FT. DEKU

hello, hello!! first, THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING. THIS IS MY FIRST REQUEST FOR MY 200 FOLLOWERS EVENT AFTER IT'S GOING ALMOST 27 DAYS (which is the event is actually going for 30 days 🥲). i was on school when i receive your request. this is make me very happy and i can't stop smiling + thinking about the prompt after reading your request, even i think about this when i'm on class hahaha 😋💕 your request is very meaningful for me, that's why i tried to give you my best when i'm writing for your request. maybe this is will prefer to fluff because i can't stop writing cute things whenever i write. but don't worry, i adding the comfort as you want! anyway, English is not my first language too—so, i hope you can understanding me if i did a mistake. just told me if you see grammar mistake yea? thank you once again for requesting! idk this is will fulfill your expectation or not, but i'm happy if you love this <3

happy reading !! —thania.

He always proud of you

Yeah, Deku is your number one supporter. Even he already cheering on you since you started write the first word of your presentation’s material. He always say that he know you can do this

And when the D-Day, he can’t stop smiling looking at you, his best girlfriend who against her fear to explain about the presentation

Everything is going well. You did it very good

Ofc, for the appreciation about what you did, you get a bear hug and so many head pats from your bf

# 100/10 : your the best support system

“A—and that’s all from me. Th—Thank you for the attention...” Your shaky voice finally saying the last sentence of your presentation as everyone in class 1-A clapping their hand very proud.

“Y/N-CHANNN! THAT WAS THE BEST PRESENTATION I EVER SEEN, YOUR EXPLANATION HELP ME UNDERSTAND THE SUBJECT!” Mina yelling happily to you from her seat.

Seriously, you can’t believe this.

It’s a dream? Dream when you get the real appreciation words from others? But, this is real. You hear those words for real. Those beautiful words which is making your heart feel happy without you realizing.

Your gaze pointing at her, looking Mina with your eyes started glossy and watering.

“Thank you, all.” You bent over politely as your lips create a warmest smile.

Yes you did it very well, very good, and very nice. You can’t say words about how proud you about yourself.

Walking back to your seat, you catch him.

Izuku Midoriya, or maybe you always calling him by Deku.

The person who give you the loudest clap a while ago. He standing up with his eyes lock on you. Before his lips slowly move and saying a comfort words. “You did a good job, baby.” Izuku create a small smile, but you know that’s very meaningful for you. Without any seconds, you bumping on him as you hug him very tight. Everyone in class starting teasing over you two, and you just shy as you hiding your face on Izuku’s chest. “How cute~ Where your brave-side a while ago, darling?” Izuku ask you teasingly, but you don’t want to answer. Too shy.

Izuku just giggling about your body language. Then, the strong hands with so many scars that starting pat your head softly. “I love you. You did a good job, baby. Thank you for brave against your fear.” He whispering on your ears. And you just blushing on his cchest

“Your welcome, Izuku. Thank you.” You answering with low voice, hand tightier on his waist.

His hug never fail to make you feel better. Deku's strong arms always make you feel comfortable. You smiling a little, and still hugging him, don’t even mind to get off from him.

“Okay... it’s already one hour, did everyone in class is done of presentation?” The voice of Aizawa Sensei is heard, making you and Izuku wide your eyes suprised. With the rest of class, you two suddenly back to the own position only with 0.00000001 second.

Yeah, too enjoying his comfort side making you almost forget that Aizawa is sleeping a while ago, already wake up.

"Almost get caught, yeah?"

No, it's not him. It's just Kaminari who teasing you with his dumb smile and cute giggle.

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darkpoisonouslove · 1 year

Note

For fic writer asks: 1, 3, 10, 15, 25, 26, 31, 45, 46, 49 :)

Thanks! :D

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

I'm thinking either Imitation Play or The Power of Peace. Both are pretty similar - have an excessive amount of worldbuilding details, dry humping at inopportune times with the bonus of unconventional magic being involved, internal struggle that is worked out through the kind-of-smut and leads to an altered sense of self, asshole!Valtor and a Griffin who probably enjoys asshole!Valtor a little too much than strictly advisable. I feel like those are all staples of my writing. Both are also conceptually strong if I do say so myself. Imitation Play might be a little more so, though. I had the title before I had even started writing the story and I think it's reflective of every aspect of the story.

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Angst, hate-love, hate sex, porn with feelings, alternate universes, eye color symbolism, too many goddamn metaphors, moral dilemmas, long-term relationships, repressed feelings, impossible to repress feelings, love making things complicated and probably a whole lot of other things.

10. How do you decide what to write?

Lmaooo, I don't have any control whatsoever over this. It's not so much a decision as much as it is just going with the flow. I just ask myself "Do I feel like writing today?" And if I manage to answer that with a yes or at least a "no, but at least I can try it and maybe I'll put myself in the mood", then I start going through my recently touched projects. If none of those makes my brain go "That's the one!", then I try going through my notes to see what other ideas I have. Sometimes that whole process is unnecessary, though, because I get an idea for a WiP or for a new story and the inspiration from that idea carries me the rest of the way. I have learned not to try to force a WiP that doesn't want to cooperate with me because that just leaves me with negative feelings for the fic in question and makes returning to it that much harder.

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

Evil. Evil, evil, evil question. Am I gonna have to go through all of them now?... Nah, it's Sparks of Life. Granted, the reworked version of Sparks of Life that only exists in my head so far but it is Sparks of Life nonetheless. I adore magic and fantasy but do you know what I adore even more? Modern day versions of fantasy characters. Sparks of Life was my first modern day AU for Winx, I believe (I'm too lazy to check) and that's probably why I fell in love with it so thoroughly. Well, that and the fact that the first part of it I wrote already had Griffin and Valtor being married. It doesn't really have a plot. It's just vibes and character interactions but that makes it comforting because as long as I stick to the overarching but very vague theme, I can just add parts to it however and whenever I please.

25. What other websites or resources do you use most often when you write?

Online thesaurus, online dictionaries, my dad's old Bulgarian-English and English-Bulgarian physical dictionaries, Google Translate for when I'm too lazy to pull out the physical dictionaries (but I will if Google Translate fails me (which is a not so rare occurrence), the OneLook Thesaurus and Reverse dictionary for when I remember what a word means but not what the word IS.

26. Would you rather write a fic that had no dialogue or one that was only dialogue?

I've actually written fics with no dialogue but those were short and inspired by songs and it was more of an inner monologue of the PoV characters. I would pick fic with only dialogue. I believe I could pull that off (depending on what you're trying to write, of course, but still).

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?

Something that can be finished in one sitting, lol. But considering that lately my brain capacity is not what it used to be, finishing stories in one sitting isn't very realistic. I'm not particular about "ideal length". Based on the majority of my fics, my ideal length is 3-5k words. There are stories that require a lot more words if you want to do them justice, though. Long fic certainly has its many challenges but I always have something to add to a story so while I came up short when the actual writing is concerned, most of my ideas run pretty long.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

The flow of the story. I used to rush through parts without even realizing I was doing it. I didn't have a good grasp on how a story is supposed to flow and would make jarring shifts in tone or plot points. I like to think I've gotten much better at avoiding those.

Another thing is character motivations. Looking at my earlier fics, I can see that the characters were doing what they were doing just because I wanted them to regardless of whether it made sense for them to do it from a logistical PoV or from PoV of their characterizations. I really think I'm starting to figure out how to keep their motivations consistent and believable.

46. Do you prefer writing on your phone or on a computer (or something else)? Do you think where you write affects the way you write?

Typing on my laptop is so much more comfortable and faster than typing on my phone but I would write a story draft on my phone in a pinch. The only difference between those is in the number of typos I make. It definitely increases when I'm typing up a story on my phone. Otherwise, I don't think the device influences the quality or layout of the work. Sometimes, though, I feel that I will go insane if I don't write my story on paper. It's just a feeling and I tend to always write my longest fics on my laptop but for short(ish) one-shots, I usually use a notebook for the first draft (the Griffin x Marion fic I'm working on I wrote on paper first but Imitation Play was written directly on my laptop). That decreases the number of typos usually.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

As I mentioned above, I am currently working on this Griffin x Marion fic. I finished it the other day and the plan was to post it yesterday but pushing myself to write 2000 words in one day left me quite tired and I knew that last stretch I wrote would need a lot of editing so I decided to do what's best for the story. I am more than willing to share a snippet from the more polished parts though!

Figuring out Griffin’s play was the most crucial part of this visit to Cloud Tower. Oritel would have agreed, would have shown the same initiative in tailing the witch that Marion did. He would have been the only one who would have taken her intrigue with this perfect opportunity seriously.

Griffin’s stance on the politics around dark magic and the people who used it was clearly pronounced. It hadn’t taken Marion much effort at all to stir the conversation with her mother’s counselors to reveal the most scandalous information they’d heard about Griffin. All rumor, of course, but stemming from a solid foundation of the witch’s own making.

Her particle manipulation powers and her prowess with magic relating to all manner of heavenly bodies had raised more than concerns as soon as she’d altered the trajectory of the biggest meteor shower in the known universe.

The Dragon Scales rained harmlessly over the Magic Dimension riding the ripples of space currents believed to be the Great Dragon shivering and shedding her skin. Over thousands of years no scholars, scribes and astronomers had succeeded in deciphering the pattern behind the phenomenon.

Griffin had not only predicted it successfully this once, but also influenced its course. To the point where the meteors had blazed through the atmosphere of several planets leaving behind a fiery trail in the sky, small craters and hard rock on the ground, and not a shred of mysticism.

Griffin’s appointment as the newest addition to the Cloud Tower faculty had stirred unrest all over the Magic Dimension, all of its leaders left to ask what would happen if she decided to repeat her magic show but this time take it further. Marion suspected that had been the whole point of it – to make all the monarchs aware of the force they’d be facing if they decided to go against witchkind. The effect had rippled further, of course, other dark magic users who shared Griffin’s views witnessing it as well.

Learning who’d reached out to her would be of great use to Marion in light of her mother’s refusal to consider anyone else’s power but their own, given to them as a birthright. Even in the face of a magical show that would’ve exhausted Marion’s own powers to the point of inducing magic depletion syndrome for the next few days.

Instead of examining the pattern of odd and worrisome magic thefts all over the dimension the Queen of Domino had preferred to focus on Marion’s interest in Griffin and had set out to present it to anyone that noticed it as dutiful yet unfounded concern over state affairs, as overzealous protectiveness. She may as well have called it paranoia to Marion’s own face. In doing so she’d only left Marion one option – pursue it to the very end.

Send me fic asks

#my writing #my fanfic #my wips #griffin x marion #snippet #fanfic snippet #excerpt #ask #her-majesty-wears-jeans

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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 1 year

Text

Carpe Diem - Chapter 3

Pairing: Sketchbook (Kaisa/Johanna)

Summary: Carpe diem: one of the five latim mottos of the arcadist, or neoclassical movement. Literally translates to "seize the day"

Picking up where Locus Amoenus left off, this fic follows the lives of Kaisa and Johanna for a couple weeks as their feelings grow and develop.

Notes: Sorry but infodumping/letting someone infodump to you are the ultimate love languages

Read it on ao3 or read the first installment on this verse or read the second installment on this verse

A recurring theme that they noticed on the stalls was that they were mostly decorated and selling a couple of products related to Halloween already, never mind that they were still in September.

Another recurring thing that didn’t escape Johanna, was how excited Kaisa got whenever they passed by stalls that displayed such things. Whenever they walked by a particularly interesting Halloween decoration, or an artist who had selected some “creepy” or darker products to put in front of their stall, Kaisa gasped just loud enough for Johanna to hear, and very subtly bounced up and down on her heels. Very subtly, in a way that she was sure she only had noticed because she was walking oh-so-close to her. It didn’t really surprise her that Kaisa hadn’t been expecting her to pick up on it, because clearly the girl had been underestimating how closely Johanna paid attention to her.

Not that she hadn’t been doing that from day one, that is.

“You really like Halloween, don’t you?”

Kaisa turned to her with wide eyes when she asked it, like she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t.

“Yeah, kind of. It’s silly though.”

“New rule!” Johanna’s sudden chirp made Kitty look at her like she’d grown a second head. “You’re absolutely not allowed to hold back on what makes you happy, or to feel bad for it. Let’s try this again. You really like Halloween, don’t you?”

Kaisa could only look down at her feet, hoping the black and purple hair that fell over her face covered the way she was absolutely failing to hold back a smile, uselessly biting at the inside of her lips to try to stop them from stretching.

“I really do. I was really obsessed with witches when I was younger, and Tildy always fueled my passions. She gave me every book on every subject I asked for, and an obsession with witches melted into an obsession with Halloween, which became one with the historical roots of the holiday and the Celtic people. Honestly, it’s one of the reasons why I chose to major in History as well as English.”

Success, Johanna thought, looking down at Kaisa who was now displaying the most adorable smile on her lips. She’d always been somewhat aware of the height difference between them, but like this she could see very clearly that Kitty was at least a full ten centimetres shorter.

“That sounds so fun!” As she assured, Johanna wondered how many other interests Kaisa had that would make her sound so alive when she spoke about them. It was kind of sad to know that they were all most likely being neglected, though. With how furiously Kaisa focused on college, Johanna doubted that left her much time to learn about anything that wasn’t related to her lectures. If she had any say in it, though, she’d make sure Kaisa spent as much time engaging with the things that made her happy as possible. “Do you have plans for this Halloween? We could spend it together, if you’d like.”

The look Kaisa gave her was shimmering at first, before being clouded by disappointment. “I’m afraid I have. Tildy forces Frida to go trick-or-treating every year, and makes me go with her. It’s one of her many strategies to force us to have a night of rest from studying. I already promised I’d be doing it. Frida wants us to dress like characters from a cartoon she likes.”

Even though Johanna smiled as Kaisa answered it, bemused at the image of two workaholics being forcibly kicked out of their home to ask for candy (Kaisa’s mother sounded more charming by the minute), Kaisa didn’t feel content about completely turning down her invitation. It was something she’d very much like to do, and she’d hate it for Johanna to get the wrong idea.

“We could do something the day before, though!” She rushed to assure her, terrified that Golden might think she’d been giving an excuse. “Or the day after. Even if it’s not Halloween related, I’d just love to hang out-”

Johanna gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, sensing her distress. “I’d love it too! I’m sure we’ll think of something nice. What characters are you and your sister dressing as?”

It was hard for Kaisa to even contain her sigh of relief when she understood that Johanna really didn’t feel like she was being brushed off. “Amity and Lilith, from The Owl House. Do you know it?”

They kept on walking, Johanna’s brow furrowed in thought. “Isn’t that the gay rights cartoon? I think I saw it on twitter.”

“Yeah, you’re probably thinking of the right one. Frida hasn’t said anything about liking girls or boys yet. I think she’s still very young to have that figured out. But I’m willing to bet that Tildy has some sort of magical filter that she uses when making adoptions that miraculously points her to the lesbians, honestly.”

Johanna was glad she hadn’t been drinking anything. If she had, she certainly would have choked on it and it would have spilled through her nostrils, and it would not have been a pretty sight.

“Gosh, I need to meet your family.” Johanna said through her laughter, happy to see that Kaisa had joined her in on it. “Radical change in topic, but I am starving. Want to grab a bite?”

“Sure!”

Funny, Johanna thought. Even her single worded answers sounded more full of life now.

They skimmed through the next stalls, since most of the food ones were deeper into the market, and only stopped for one that caught Kaisa’s attention. It sold small, handmade perfumed candles, and anyone that passed by the two of them while they were there would have thought they were clinically insane with the way they frantically picked candles of each available scent to smell it, discussing which were the best ones. While they came to the consensus that the coffee bean and vanilla one was the champion, Johanna for the most part was drawn to the wildflowers and tea scented ones, while Kaisa didn’t relinquish her opinion that the apple and cinnamon candle was special. Johanna left empty handed out of pure self control (the tons of unburned candles in her bedside table’s drawer would certainly not appreciate it if she brought home another one just to abandon it), but Kaisa purchased both their favourite candle and the one that smelled like apple pie.

Once more food vendors began popping up, their nostrils were assaulted with the scent of every kind of food you could imagine, which honestly felt like karma for so desperately smelling everything on the candle stall. One of the first stalls had a large metal bowl at its centre, and bags of powder of many colours around it, and there was a child walking away from it with an enormous blue and purple cloud on a stick.

“Cotton candy!” Johanna exclaimed when she spotted it. “Would you like it?”

Kaisa scrunched her nose. “Not really. It’s so… sticky. The texture isn’t really my jam, I guess. But you go ahead and get it! I’d love to see you try and eat that, it’s bigger than your head.”

Showing her friend her tongue, she tugged her hand to invite her to continue walking. “Nah, that’s okay. I’m not too fond of the taste, I just think it’s fun to eat it.”

“Once again, I won’t be the one to stop you.”

“No, but you’ll be the one to take pictures of me with cotton candy stuck in my hair and blackmail me with them later.”

“Fair enough.”

They took a while to look at all of the available options, paying close attention to the other market attendees who walked past them holding any sort of food so as to make an informed decision. The ultimate winner was a stall frying beignets and sprinkling confectioner’s sugar on top. If the smell of deep-fried pastry alone wasn’t enough to draw them in, the look of utter pleasure in the faces of those who they saw eating them certainly was.

Their paying time took three times longer than it should, a result of both of them arguing about how they should be the one to pay for the other while the shopkeeper looked absolutely unamused. In the end, Kaisa won and paid for them both with the argument that Johanna had already driven them here, which meant that Johanna was already plotting every sort of plan to pay for their next meal.

At the centre of the square, a couple of benches were positioned around what would be a bonfire as soon as night fell, and they took a seat on an empty one. As they bit into their beignets, neither contained the hums of delight at the sweet, warm explosion in their mouths.

After a few bites in silence, because that was definitely the kind of food that was too good to talk while eating, Johanna gasped and reached into one of the bags she had acquired while in the market.

“You know what would taste great with this?” Before Kaisa could even think of an answer, she took her jar of honey from the bag and opened it. She offered it to Kaisa first, who dipped her pastry only just enough so that her next bite would taste of honey, and then promptly poured such an obscene amount of it on hers that it began to spill and drip down her fingers.

“Hm, this is so good.” Johanna moaned. While Kaisa was sure that she wasn’t tasting the honey as much as Golden, she would admit that it gave the beignet a delicious depth of flavour.

And then she looked at Johanna and completely lost all rational train of thought.

Her eyes were closed in appreciation and her head was leaning slightly back as she chewed. What captured her attention, however, was the drop of honey that had caught on the corner of her lip, and was painfully slowly making its way down to her chin.

If a human could blue-screen, Kaisa imagined that this was it.

What was the appropriate reaction to this? Probably telling her about it and giving her one of her own napkins, since Johanna would probably already be needing hers to clean her hands. Was this what her mind was telling her to do, though? Absolutely not, because the only thing her damn brain was working for at the moment was providing her with a very vivid imagery of how nice it would be to kiss that drop of honey away from her face and into her own mouth.

With her face most definitely red at the appalling thought and her hands suddenly clammy, Kaisa wished it wasn’t weird to shake your head violently in a public space (what? At least she’d get the feeling of shaking that thought far away from her) and acted on what was probably the middle ground between those two options.

Reaching up with one of her spare napkins, she allowed her hand to float just in front of Johanna’s face.

“May I?” She asked when Johanna opened back her eyelids and looked at the offer with open curiosity. At her nod, she wiped the honey away.

“Thanks.” If Johanna’s voice was several octaves higher, Kaisa didn’t comment on it. It wasn’t like she had the credit to do that, anyway. “This is… really good.”

“Yeah.” Kaisa bit into her food again with gusto, willing her mind to allow her to forget that moment of insanity. It wasn’t creepy if she hadn’t done anything inappropriate, right?

They finished eating and without even communicating seemed to agree on just sitting there with each other for a while. Johanna extended her legs in front of herself while Kaisa sat with one knee bent and foot close to her skirt, and the other leg extended towards Johanna.

“It just occurred to me that I do not, in fact, know much about the historical roots of Halloween.” The wind played with Johanna’s curls, making her bangs swing softly from side to side.

Kaisa snorted. “Are you sure you want to go there? Get me started and it’ll be hard to get me to stop, you know.”

“I’d love to go there, actually.” She smiled. “Anything you’d like to teach me, I’m all ears.”

Sighing contently was the only thing Kaisa could think to do, really. How long had it been since anyone other than Tildy and Frida had been ‘all ears’ to her? Not only to her interests, but to anything at all? Had that ever even happened?

“Well, you see, it is generally agreed that the Celts had three harvest festivals…”

Johanna wasn’t sure how long they spent there. She didn’t care, either. All that she knew is that she’d gotten this girl who she had spent months wondering if she even knew how to speak to give her a full lecture about a topic she was passionate about. She’d never even known she had the slightest interest in druids or roman cultural assimilation or the issue with the typical definition of a “celt”, but watching the muscles in Kaisa’s face move and hearing the pitches of her voice which were apparently unlocked when she was excited made Johanna decide that that was one of the coolest topics in the world, actually. She’d be sure to check out a book on it next time she was in the library, so she could actually hold a conversation with Kaisa next time she talked about it.

At one point, Kaisa stopped talking and looked around them, letting out a chuckle.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” She quipped, but Johanna didn’t understand it. The haze of tranquillity that had come over her when Kaisa had begun her monologue still lingered, and she struggled to pay attention to anything else.

“Hm?”

Kaisa pointed to the sky by means of explanation, and to Johanna’s surprise, it was no longer blue, but somehow orange, pink and purple at the same time. Hadn’t they arrived just past three o’clock, she wondered with startlement.

“It looks so pretty from here.” Johanna marvelled. Even those masterful watercolours they had seen paled in comparison to the real thing.

Kaisa’s gaze wandered back and forth from the sky to Johanna’s face, struggling to decide which was the better view. “It really does.”

They drank in the moment greedily, knowing it was impossible to drown on such a beautiful thing (and that if it were, they would go down gladly). The sounds were softer now that night was falling and most people had left, the colours were shifting as the sun bid goodnight and a market worker worked to light the bonfire in front of them. This time, unlike the garden, Johanna didn’t have to teach her how to appreciate the moment. She wouldn’t let this one go for anything.

The flames rose up in front of them, filling the autumn air with their warmth, and Johanna extended her hands towards them gladly.

“I disagree, you know.” She said, looking at Kaisa mischievously. “I don’t think we should stop meeting like this. I wouldn’t change this for anything at all.”

Neither would I, Kaisa thought, worried at this feeling that was settling in her chest even though it felt like it was too big to fit in it, worried about her carefully selected priorities that all seemed irrelevant in the face of all this peace. Neither would I.

#my fic #fic: cd #verse: carpe diem #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship hilda #sketchbook ship fanfic #kaisa hilda #johanna hilda #sketchbook college au

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bluecoolr · 1 year

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just thought of a question to get those gears in your pretty lil head (with big brain) turning

Todd siblings, boardgame night edition - aka how would they be when playing games? obviously, there's Monopoly (or, the devil in board game form, probably), stuff like Uno (once played it in a group of 6 or 7 and. it was. an experience), and idk what other games you can play with so many people. ummm... we used to have a version of "Mensch ärgere dich nicht" (In English it's called "Sorry!" I think) that was for five or six players (the layout therefore wasn't a square but same principle)

idk i just wanna know what a family game night at the Todd's looks like ;D

Cylas my darling you come up with the most fun questions 💙💙💙 I love board games! God I miss playing with a lot of people 😔😔 Hopefully this blurb offers some good vibes after the events told in Dead Man Walking and Where am I? 😬

Todd Siblings Game Night

"Family Fun Night" always spirals into chaos. I like to think Susannah's the one who arranges game nights, complete with snacks and drinks.

When playing Monopoly, Nathan and Judah are both aggresively competitive.

Their insults are creative - "You goddamn heretical Gentile!" "Where'd you learn to count? Sodom and Gomorrah?" "You pay me right now, Judas!" "Filthy fuckin' swamp rat..." "Greedy bloated goat."

They tend to kick each other under the table.

Nathan thinks he has the best strategy. In reality, Darrell's ths one that has them all by the balls. He buys out all the train stations and makes the best underhanded deals but nobody realizes.

Salome's not really that good of a player. She doesn't want to pay anyone becaus she likes looking at the colors of the money and won't let them go.

They just sit her aside and have her be the "banker", "realtor", and "card reader".

As much as Darrell and Susannah try to be calm and reasonable with him, they still end up yelling.

Judah... doesn't really understand the rules so well. He insists you can't increase rent without due notice and why is he going to jail - he did nothing wrong!

Salome once read out a card that told the players to grab the cash in the air. Nathan - overeager and most likely too thrilled to one-up his siblings - went ahead and raked the money that fell on the tabletop, much to his siblings' anger.

Nobody ever wins Monopoly. They all just collectively decide that they've had enough screaming and fighting for the night.

Uno's pretty much the same.

Nathan is ruthless. He will do everything he can to win.

Needless to say Salome has cried numerous times during game night.

Nathan has tried to strangle Judah.

Darrell was once so insulted that he tackled Nathan.

Susannah was left in tears because why can't they just be a normal family?

They do however enjoy something so simple as charades.

Nathan's too sure of himself and stubborn.

One time Darrell was acting out "building" and Nathan just kept yelling "BRICKS!" without compromise. Needless to say they lost.

Susannah's the best at acting out.

There's a lot of laughter and teasing nonetheless and they all have fun even though it gets so extreme.

Salome's great at guessing, being the more observant sibling.

Sometimes they play cards or chess or checkers or snakes and ladders.

Nathan hates Scrabble because he doesn't know a lot of "fancy words".

I do however would like to be in the room when they play Crocodile Dentist 🤣

When they wind down after a game, just drinking sweet tea or lemonade and munching on the last of the food, they recount all the funny things that happened.

And they say goodnight to each other without fail.

#todd siblings #alt timeline #darrell todd #nathan todd #susannah todd #salome todd #judah todd

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candied-cae · 10 months

Text

And Who Are We At The End Of The World? - Time Flies Until It Hits The Fan

Chapter 20/? - - - Read it on AO3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20]

Word Count: 10,048

Summary: Over the next few weeks, things start adjusting. Eddie and Nancy get together to plan how he'll defeat Ms. O'Donnell's Final Essay, and end up talking about some much more important things. Many different things and people across Hawkins shift around and in the end Jonathan and Nancy's relationship comes to a head.

Something has to change.

More ST Fics

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And time started to move on. Days passed by in faster succession than it felt like they had in the days of catching the fallout. They were in a rhythm that felt more like the normal world than anything really had. Nancy kept taking the time to stop by the Family Video most days. Always to return one tape and make her new pick from the comedy display. Never really even looking at any other genre.

It was helping, so she wasn't going to mess with the formula.

And she also had plans that following Friday.

Nancy and Eddie decided to meet in the library for their free period at the end of the day. Eddie caught up with her by her locker and they walked down to the end of the building together. A couple of pairs of eyes noticed, watching them make their way around the school. They were the writer of a major news story and the subject of said story, they all couldn't help but be intrigued by what those two were up to again.

Even the librarian made a bit of a face when he saw them enter side-by-side and mark off one of the study rooms on the check-in sheet. But they didn't really mind much. The two of them just went ahead and tucked into the privacy of a door and four walls, shuttering the blinds down over the window, and took their seats around the circular table.

Eddie started unpacking stuff from his bag and Nancy did the same. He pulled out a report card and a list of assignments he put together. Nancy got herself a spiral notebook and pen, ready to make notes and get a course of action set up.

They looked over his grades together. Most of which were pretty good, with various B's, a couple C's, and even an A- with the drama teacher. Well, pretty good grades except for the bane of his existence. Ms. O'Donnell's English Lit. Which currently sat with a D. Technically, it was barely passing. But if the final didn't hold that grade there, or higher, it was going to end his year as a fail in the grade books. Again.

It was probably a sore spot, but they needed to address that hurdle head-on.

Nancy blew out some air between her lips, twiddling the pen between her fingers, and tried to say it gently,“ So, why haven’t you passed it yet?”

She wasn't being judgy. She wasn't being mean. She just needed to know what the difficulty was and what was getting in his way if they were going to draw up a battle plan together. She needed to know what was going on so they could deal with it.

Eddie leaned back in his seat. Might've been avoiding eye contact for a moment.

“Cause she keeps failing me. Thought that was pretty obvious.”

“Okay, fine, but why? If you do the assignments well enough then she’d have no choice but to pass you, even if she doesn't want to. Otherwise, you would've had grounds to report it to the principal and gotten her grades overruled.” she reasoned. “But you didn't do that. So? What is it?”

“I don’t.”

Which was a pretty nothing statement.

“Don't what?” she pushed for more clarity.

“Don't do the assignments well enough.”

Nancy's head fell to the side,“ Why?”

“Not smart enough?” He crossed his arms around himself tighter. “Next question.”

But she just frowned at the idea. It didn't add up, and she wouldn't be fooled.

“Nope. No way am I buying that.”

That got him to look at her. “Excuse me?” he blinked.

“You’re excused,” she said, a little patronizingly. He might've laughed if he wasn't confused.

“No, what do you mean by 'you’re not buying that’?”

“I’m not.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re smart.”

And she said it like it was the obvious conclusion to draw.

Eddie just raised his eyebrows and asked,“ Do I look like a mirror to you, Wheeler?”

She rolled her eyes. And for a second, Eddie thought he was going to get a chuckle out of her. But she sat there with a serious face. Focused on making her point.

“Eddie, I have heard your vocabulary. I know that you’re an avid reader who plays an instrument. You manage those DnD sessions in both the planning ahead of time and improvising as it runs. You’re headstrong and a creative problem solver. All of which are things that point to you being very smart. So I'm really struggling to believe an essay you tried on wouldn’t be good enough.”

She leveled him pretty quickly, all things considered. Eddie almost felt like he'd just been made a subject of Nancy Wheeler's journalistic investigation for a second time.

“And I just saw your other grades, not a minefield of F's like you made it out to be. So, what is it? Do you just not try on your finals for her out of spite or something?”

“No.”

“Because I'd get that. Might say it's a little self-sabotage-y and immature. But I'd get it. And that's something we can decide to not let you do this time around-”

“I tried,” he answered honestly.

“Then what happened? I’d get that maybe the first time through, it might’ve been really hard, but if you tried on the last essay knowing what to expect then I don’t understand how you couldn’t-”

“I didn’t turn it in,” he said abruptly.

And that was certainly an answer.

Nancy got quieter when she asked,“ What?”

“I tried really hard on the last one. I spent weeks on her final essay. And then I… I didn’t turn it in.”

“Why not?”

There was this hesitation. Eddie looked at his hands. At the black painted fingernails Robin and El left him with. At the chipped-off flecks that had occurred during the usual wear and tear of his day not being gentle with his hands. Little pale pink spots of his skin showed through. He brought his thumb to the edge of the lacquer on a forefinger and started to pick at it.

“My first senior year wasn’t a good one.” he eventually said, keeping his eyes stuck on the task he'd set,” I didn't focus and blew a lot of it off. There was more than one class I needed to improve my grade in to graduate. But the last assignment I did that year was Mrs. O’Donnell’s essay. I wrote a paper and it wasn’t good, I'll admit that. I pushed it off because I got mad every time I tried to do it, so it became a rush job at the last minute. Whatever.”

Eddie shook his head. His hair moved around his head as he did. Catching on his shoulders and crowding in further around his face. Closing him in. And Nancy watched him carefully. Her eyes studied the guy sitting next to her. She could tell there was more to say. So she waited for him.

He took a deep breath. Puffed out his lungs like he was winding up to bite the bullet.

“But after I turned it in, before the bell rang for me to go to my next class, I got called to the principal’s office. Um-” he bit his lip,” They called to tell me that… that my dad died.”

Nancy immediately felt terrible. Her stomach dropped and her mouth fell open,” Eddie, I-”

There was a hurt sort of laugh that came from him. Just a defeated huff in the face of what he was saying. What he was remembering.

“It wasn’t so seriously sad like how I think losing your dad is supposed to hit you.” he clarified,” I mean, he was practically a stranger to me, so it mostly just made me feel numb-” he swallowed hard,” And weird. They let me take the rest of the day off to go home. I did. Took a couple of them off. And I don’t know- I just- Later, when I came back to class, I had failed the essay. So I just didn’t turn anything else in after that. In any of my classes. I guess I kind of just gave up on all of it.”

“That’s when I started buying off Reefer Rick more. And that summer, after the rest of my class graduated without me, was when I started dealing for him. I decided it was my best bet to have any cash and something to do. And that fall, I wanted to graduate. I really wanted out. I tried harder during the school year. Did fine enough in all the other classes. But always with Ms. O’Donnell… Every time I sat in her classroom, I’d remember ‘Here’s where I was the last time I thought my dad was alive.’ I didn’t focus well. Always got high at lunch right before I went in. And still, I told myself I was going to write a killer essay and pass enough to get out of there. I worked so hard on it. And when I tried to hand it in… I just froze.”

Eddie's fingers stopped moving. He wasn't casting little specks of nail polish onto the carpet anymore. He was just clenching his hands together, tightly. Looking at nothing and seeing everything that Nancy didn't.

His voice sounded so vacant as he remembered,“ And I thought ‘What if it’s not good enough again? What if I turn in another bad essay and something worse happens this year? What if I lose Wayne?’ And…”

Eddie's voice hitched. He looked up into Nancy's eyes after the sentence broke in his throat. For the first time since he got started, she could see what was happening in those deep browns. He wasn't full-on crying, but there were tears sitting on the edge. Just enough to communicate a kind of pain and fear that was all too real.

“And I know that’s stupid,” he explained. ”Some essay doesn’t decide whether or not people live or die, I know that. But, then she got to my desk. To the kid who failed last year, to the kid who never paid attention to her lessons, who came in faded the whole semester, who everyone assumed was going to turn out just like his dad, in and out of prison until he died, locked up and alone- And she asked if I did the assignment. And I had started pulling it out before she got there because I thought I was going to be fine, but when she said that I shoved the paper back in my bag. Said ‘No. I didn’t.’ and I walked right out in the middle of class. Didn't even get in my van, I just kept walking till I was off school grounds. ”

“Eddie…” she wasn't sure what else to say.

Maybe, if she didn’t know any better, she’d have started mindlessly blabbing a dozen I’m-so-sorrys. Maybe she'd have cried a bucket of sympathy tears because his tragedy was so hard for her to hear. Maybe Nancy would've wrapped him in a hug and told him it was going to be alright.

A promise she was in no position to make.

But Nancy knew better. Maybe not exactly how it felt to lose a semi-estranged father. But she knew how it felt to be living your life and suddenly the whole ground has fallen out from under your feet because someone you loved died, scared and alone, while you didn’t know any better. She knew that part. She knew how it took her over in the strangest ways she never anticipated.

And so, she didn’t know what to say. Because, to that day, Nancy still didn’t know what she wanted to hear after Barb died. She could never figure out that part. What words could have possibly made it hurt even a little bit less? She still had no idea what they might've been.

Eddie just tried to blink away his misty eyes,“ Anyway. That’s the big story. That’s why I’m still here.”

He pulled on a smile. A pretty insincere looking one. The kind a person wears to make sure no one talks about it. To change the subject and move on.

Nancy recognized it pretty well.

“Do you still have the other essay?” she asked him instead.

Giving him what he asked for without words. Hoping he could see that she was more than happy to follow him if he wanted to talk about it. But it didn't feel like he wanted to unpack anymore in one of the library study rooms.

“Heh, no. I dropped it in a burn pile at the trailer park on my way home.” he admitted, until it looked like an idea came to him,“ But, I do still have the notebook I worked on it in… and the rough draft… probably.”

“Okay. Then it’s a deal. Next time we meet, you are going to bring me that notebook and we’re going to remake the amazing essay you should’ve turned in last year, and we’ll work through the other few assignments she might dole out between now and then. And then you’re going to graduate. With the rest of us, Class of '86-ers.” Nancy said with pride.

Eddie commented,“ You’ve got a lot of faith for a paper you didn’t even read the last attempt on.”

“What can I say?” she shrugged,” I believe in you, Eddie Munson.”

“Nancy Wheeler…” he looked at her like she was a divine blessing,” You’re an enigma, you know that?” Eddie wiped at his eyes some, trying to get them back to normal,” I can’t believe I just spilled all of that to you. I do not talk to people about my dad. Like, ever. Blegh. That was weird.”

Nancy just smiled. She reached out with her elbow and bumped his. “It’s what comes when you face hell together with someone. You end up sharing some of the other fucked up stuff about your lives too.”

Eddie smiled back at her. More real that time. And then the school bell rang over the intercom system. Students were officially let out. The two of them started packing up their things. Slipping the straps of their bags over their shoulders. Nancy was just reaching to pull out her car keys when an idea came to her.

“Are you doing anything later?”

Eddie thought for a moment,“ Corroded Coffin's got a band rehearsal tomorrow, but, no, nothing today. Why?”

“Then, how would you like a little trip to the Wheeler's? Don't have to stay for dinner - I wouldn't recommend for anyone who doesn't have to, sit there and deal with Ted Wheeler's table manners - but there's absolutely snacks in it for you before then.”

And Eddie’s eyes shone with another smile. “Sounds like another great deal. I think I'll take you up on that, Nan.”

“Ew, what am I, your grandmother?”

“I’m just trying something new! Now that we’ve leveled up our friendship with some tears at the library.”

It didn't take long for them to make it out of the school and get on the road, most of the students waited around on Fridays making plans before they took off. So Nancy got into the station wagon and, once he was behind her, Eddie followed her on the way over. Leading him right up to the Wheeler's front door. Eddie was let into the home with a warm welcome from Nancy's mother. Karen hung her head from the kitchen when they came in. An expression of surprise painted over her face when she realized it wasn't Mike trailing behind his older sister into the living room.

“Oh. Hello, Eddie.”

“Hello, Mrs. Wheeler.”

She wasn't too worried. Ever since Will and El got back to town, Mike and the others have been riding his bike to and from school most days again versus stowing away in Nancy's passenger seat. Plus, it was nice seeing Nancy bring someone by the house after school again. That hasn't really happened since…

Nancy quickly made for the pantry,“ We're just gonna grab some snacks and head upstairs.”

“Okay.” Karen nodded softly. Mentally hoping not to spook Nancy or her guest off. Seeing as it was something she's just got the nerve to have again. “I take it all the boys and El are back helping at the Cabin again?”

“Probably. They were all by the bike racks when we got out. Waved when I pulled away and everything.”

“Alright. Just keep an ear out if Mike needs to get picked up later.”

“Got it.” Nancy already had some treats stacked up in her arms when she turned around to ask,” Are there any brownies left?”

Karen motioned to the nearly empty container on the oven top,“ Just the corner pieces.”

“Score. I will take that one.” Eddie delightedly remarked.

“Oh? Finally, we've found someone that won't turn their nose up at the extra chewy edges.”

“Absolutely not.” he assured her,” The corners have always been my favorites.”

“Alright then. You've just earned yourself a standing invitation whenever I need help clearing leftovers. What else do you eat?” Karen started.

But Nancy dropped the items from her hands into Eddie's and then got him turned around. Started pushing him back towards the stairs. She excused them over her shoulder as they made their way up,“ We just came from the library essay planning, can't lose this momentum, Mom.”

“Okay, okay. You're free to go. Just keep it down, I'm expecting a phone call from Mrs. Peterson in a bit.”

“Got it.”

The two newfound pals shuffled up the staircase and into the second-floor hall. Nancy ushered Eddie to her door like they had anything to really be running from. He was laughing a little at her dramatics when they got inside. Spilling the sweets and salty morsels onto her bed, watching the soda cans bounce off the softness of it and crinkle against the plastic bags.

Eddie was the last one to see it, now that it was finally his turn to look upon the room. Well, the 1986, right-side-up version. He saw the 1983 upside-down one already. But that had, of course, been outdated and covered in dust and decay.

The one in the real world was remarkably nicer to look at. There were still frilly curtains and pink all over, but she also had a Tom Cruise poster and Blondie cassettes, and a shoebox with two handguns in the closet he was privy to.

Night and day, in some of the strangest ways.

It wasn't only Eddie's first time in Nancy Wheeler's real bedroom, it was actually his first time in any girl's bedroom.

Getting into one had never been a focus of his before. And it wasn't even then, not in the way most boys meant it. But Eddie wasn't most boys. Just like Nancy wasn't most girls.

They'd talked for a little while. On and on about nothing really. Nothing really important or deeply cutting. Just the smaller, surface-level things. Eddie's favorite color was red, and despite present appearances, Nancy's was blue. But more like a powder blue than a cobalt, she specified. Eddie said he liked his reds more ruby than orange-ish.

He asked how much she really liked Top Gun to have sprung for the poster for it. She laughed so hard she snorted. Her hand flew to her face to cover her nose and he just pushed and pushed. She threatened to break into what was left of his room so she could make fun of whatever posters he had on his wall. He might've begged her not to, while also insisting he had nothing that was possible to make fun of. Because all his stuff was cool. Even if people didn't get it, they just weren't cool enough for it.

That would've been his defense if she took him up on the challenge anyway.

He'd looked at this little, plush thing she had hanging on the wall. Like a girly kind of corkboard to pin and hang stuff off of. With fabric and ribbons on it to make it pretty. And it held up pictures and handwritten notes. Sentimental stuff.

She'd followed his eyes. Seen it. Knew what sort of stuff used to be presented on it. Until she took them down and tucked them safely into her bedside drawer because it got too hard to look at all the time.

The energy shifted in the room when Nancy abruptly said,” Barb was my best friend, you know.”

Truth be told, Eddie didn't really know. He barely knew Nancy until his life went to hell. He noticed years before that a boy went missing, and then a girl went missing, and the boy came back, and the girl didn't. He knew that about a year later all that news about government experiments and cover-up came from their very backyard. He'd heard that the missing girl became a dead girl because of it. But he didn't really know much beyond that.

Wasn't wrapped up in much of Barbara Holland's business before.

Didn't know who her best friend was, or that he'd come to know her pretty well himself.

“Yeah?” he offered anyway. He didn't know, but she could tell him about it.

“Yeah. She died back when everything started.” She swallowed hard. Curled her fingers into a fist. “I didn't find out anything was wrong until the next day. And even then, nobody wanted to listen to me. It drove me crazy.”

It sounded heartbreaking. “I can only imagine,” he told her.

“But even after, months after, I went sort of off the rails in my own way sometimes too.” And he started to see where she was going with it. “I thought I saw her sometimes. Like out of the corner of my eyes, around the halls at school. If I looked at the back of Ellen Brady's head too long. They sort of had the same hair. Went to a party and tried a little too hard to pretend I was okay.”

She sort of knew what it was like. Losing someone all of a sudden. Having trouble getting back to “life as usual.” And she was telling him that she got it a little.

“Yeah. Happens to the best of us, I guess. Can't see it coming, and then it does and…”

He didn't really finish the thought. Wasn't even quite sure where it was going. But Nancy picked back up. Seeming to know more of what she wanted to say than he did.

“Only happens sometimes to me, though. Never long enough to get stuck.” She sympathized,“ I never really found myself lucky for handling it as well as it did to stay on track with school, at least. I was always so focused on the hurting part.”

“Well, that's probably because it hurts. A lot. And often.” Eddie's eyes darkened as he looked away,“ And it's lonely.”

Nancy held her attention on him. On his bouncing knee. Like Mike did when he was thinking too much.

She agreed,“ It is. Because no one else really got it. No one cared about Barb like I did. And Will came back for Mike. No one around me ever lost a friend like that. So I was just… alone. Feeling it.”

“I was serious when I said I never talk about my dad with people. I'm not sure if most of my friends even knew he was ever in prison. And I didn't say anything after he died. I was just… fucked up all of a sudden. And that was that.”

He looked back at her. It wasn't the same in that way for Nancy and she knew it.

“Everyone knew something was up with Barb. And the people in the know knew what actually happened. I felt like I was always surrounded by it, and under an NDA so I wasn't supposed to talk about it, but I needed to. Or wanted to. Or just wanted to not need to.”

Eddie just watched her. He could see there was something else brewing under her skin. Something she was getting to that must torture her all the time. Even still.

“And that felt impossible,” she admitted,” But the worst part was probably that we had been so close, and then… we started to get some distance. There were disagreements and tension and not-quite-fights. Walking away. I told her to leave. And then she was actually gone.”

Ah. The regret. The kind that was way worse than not appreciating enough. It felt like not appreciating at all. Even though they did. They did appreciate their people in some ways. But life happens. Things change and feelings get coiled up into infuriating knots. And then people die. At seemingly the worst time. Right before a reconciliation could've happened. Should've happened.

It sparked a memory in him.

“The last time my dad went in… I asked him if he was even trying to stay out. Asked if he preferred having an excuse and being locked up versus being out in the world and having to actually get to know me. Asked him why he and Wayne didn't just lie about which brother was my father since it would've been simpler the other way around.”

He looked back on that day often. Hated how it all shook out. Wished he was someone who could've swallowed that anger instead of spitting it out.

“And I felt like shit a while after I said it. But I didn't want to apologize because I definitely still felt some of it. So I didn't call as much as I used to. And then it wasn't an option anymore.” Eddie sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth,“ It sucks so much more to have been putting that distance in right before…”

“Yeah,” she agreed. For the first time having someone get it. Get that part that always made her feel crazy. Like a cruel, selfish bitch. “It feels like… 'Why couldn't I have at least been nice? Even if I couldn't have stopped it, couldn't I have at least been better to them? If I knew what was going to happen, I would've. I'm not a bad person who wanted to hurt them in the time they had left. I swear, I'm not.' But that's how it happened anyway.”

Eddie shook his head. “But it wasn't your fault. Teens say stupid shit and get in stupid fights. She had to know things were supposed to get better between you two. If there was just a little more time after the dust settled.”

“Same goes for you, you know. Parents know that kids get frustrated and blow up sometimes. He knew that you didn't… hate him, or anything like that. Had to know you wanted to apologize.”

“Yeah. Wayne said that kind of thing to me lots. Never really bought it though.”

“Did you guys have good memories?” Nancy cocked her head to the side. A little crease appeared between her brows after she asked. Listening. Intently.

“Most of them were messy, one way or another. This one time he 'borrowed' a neighbor's kiddie pool and didn't tell me no when I said we should put food coloring in the water. They never found out who stained it purple.” Eddie chuckled to himself, picturing it happen all over again. “And he knew the reason I wanted to start learning guitar was because of a picture I saw of him playing one by a bonfire. He bought my first one while he was out for a bit. Showed me some of the chords before he slipped up again.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It was.”

“Is.” she corrected him,” The memories aren't going anywhere.”

Eddie let the idea soak in a second before he decided,“ No. Guess they aren't.”

They kept talking after that. But, eventually, they had to get Eddie out of there before Ted got home and made a big fuss about everything. Complaining about missing corner pieces even though he was never going to eat them, it usually came down to Mike. Throw a fit at the dinner table about “unsavory company" to have under his roof. Stuff like that.

Nancy offered to let him crawl out the window and scale the gutter to get out. He just joked that he'd leave that business to her boyfriends of past and present. Went down the stairs, stopped to say goodbye to her mom and put the container in the sink, and went out the door. Got into his van and headed for the video store. There was probably someone he ought to annoy hanging around there. Even though it was later than usual.

Eddie and Nancy continued to meet up once or twice every week to tackle schoolwork and the big essay. And sometimes just to talk shit about anything and everything. They ended up getting along better than anyone had really planned for. Karen also appreciated having another set of hands around to entertain Holly sometimes before Ted got home.

Will and El enjoyed being able to go to school with their friends again. It was a lot less isolating than being in Lenora was. There was still a lot of history hanging over the both of them, which was the whole reason Joyce took them away in the first place. To get their fresh starts somewhere new. But they preferred to deal with having a history than sometimes feeling like they had no one.

The kids still visited Max's hospital room often and helped with the Hopper-Byers cabin in their free time. Everyone had their own tapes just in case of an emergency. Lucas and El even teamed up to put together Max's with the stuff she had in her bedroom. Radio sets were bought and set up at both Steve's house and the Cabin.

El was able to look for Dr. Sam. She saw him, and he wasn't dead. But she couldn't tell exactly what was going on. Most of the time she checked, he was just sitting silently in a chair. Leaned forward on a metal table. Looking at his wringing hands with a stern expression. No one around.

No talking she could listen in on.

No one really knew what to do with that. So they just tried to keep on, keeping on. Moving through the motions of what “normal” was supposed to look like. It was weird trying to pretend like everything was alright when Max was still in a coma. When they were still waiting for the end of the world to come back up.

They still hadn't found Vecna/Henry/One. Every time Will so much as felt a chill, they had El sit down and try. Blindfolds, television static, the works. But it wasn't leading anywhere.

And despite all that uncertainty and weirdness, the time passed. Progress was made.

Before they knew it, two more weeks had come and gone. And the Hopper-Byers Cabin was officially move-in ready. Including the additional rooms they built off the sides to accommodate the increase in residents since the last time it was lived in. Dmitri and Mikhail even had some space, and Murray was getting thrown to the couch until their passports, IDs, and home loan signed to the United States government came through and they'd take up one of the abandoned houses in the suburbs.

As the end of April closed in, it was finally time. Everyone came together to spend the weekend getting all nine of them moved out of Steve's. A fact many of them were pretty happy about. Except for maybe Hop, when he mourned the idea that he might never get to soak in a jacuzzi tub ever again. He'd kind of liked the little bit of luxury.

And Family Video finally had three workers besides Steve and Robin. So they were able to work out a much more manageable schedule between them all. Even left Robin time to go on covert dates with Vickie pretty often. Steve took to a different use of his off hours.

Sitting in Max's hospital room.

With his house emptied out, it felt like a better way to be alone. By not actually having to be alone. Especially as the kids started getting bogged down with homework and keeping an eye out for supernatural enemies. It was good to have someone with her for part of the school day and as much after as he could.

The first night he was set to go back home alone - the Monday after all the moving - he'd been sitting at her bedside for a few hours when the nurse came to send him on his way. And going back home became a daunting thing it hadn't quite been for so many weeks. He used to always be headed somewhere to sit in silence… but that routine had been interrupted. Suddenly, he had to think about a house full of turned-off lights, no dinner warm and waiting for him, and no one to greet him when he pushed open the door.

The nurse repeated to him,” Sweetheart, we gotta get you on your way. It's like bar rules at closing time: Don't care if you're going home, but you can't stay here.” She had a kind laugh as she said it, probably made that joke more than a couple of times in her day.

But Steve just didn't have the heart to immediately get up. She tried again,” We might've been able to loosen on our hours now that things aren't so emergent, but all non-family has to be out of patient rooms by six o'clock now. And you’ve been dropping by here enough to know that.”

“I know. I just-”

He couldn't think of anything to say. To excuse why he just couldn't seem to get to his feet. And then Nurse Brown's eyes softened where they'd fixed on him. She let out a little sigh and decided to let him in on an idea.

“Tell you what, if Susan approves special permission to have you listed with family visitation privileges, I’ll file the paperwork and you can start staying later. But it won’t be tonight, so you best head on home and get you something to eat.”

“Okay. Okay, thanks.”

“Course, sweetheart.”

The next day he saw her and asked. And Susan agreed. Like it was the simplest thing to say yes to. Like there wasn’t even a doubt in her mind.

And despite one very expensive utility bill hitting the Harrington bank account, there wasn't so much as a phone call made about the fact. Either his dad didn't really read it, or he'd been away from home so long he couldn't remember what a normal amount was. Whichever way it was, Steve wasn't going to complain.

Things had… come together. Or cleaned themselves up. Mostly.

Settled into place in a temporary sort of way. Like maybe it'd all still mostly be like that after Vecna was actually dealt with. But in the meantime, they were all still in prepping mode. Not wanting to go soft and get caught with their pants down.

A little while after people got cleared out of Steve's house, the government came through for the Antonovs. Dmitri and Mikhail were given birth certificates, social security numbers, IDs, and a place to live. It wasn't right next to the Wheelers like Dmitri had joked about with Karen, but it was in that neighborhood, believe it or not. There was another round of moving efforts to get the two of them and Murray into their new sleeping quarters.

And once it seemed like all the people had gotten re-shuffled to where they were supposed to be… Joyce thought it'd be nice to have a little dinner among themselves at their cabin Monday evening. Something as a little celebration for making it through the rumble. But the invitation was also extended to Nancy.

She and Jonathan hadn't been meshing together like they used to. She's been busy, spending time with Eddie, and just seeming… different. Not wrong, just different. Jonathan's been readjusting back to going to school at Hawkins and sticking pretty close to Argyle, seeing as he was the new guy in town.

And honestly, Jonathan was starting to convince himself that he maybe didn't need to listen to Argyle. Maybe he didn't need to break up with Nancy. Maybe there was a way out of it. If they could just find a way to be boyfriend and girlfriend comfortably again, maybe he could explain that the idea of being too far away from his family made him sick. And they could figure something out, while he figured out how to be in love and be good enough again.

It wasn't quite like they were avoiding each other. They saw each other sometimes, laughed and made small talk during lunch, and studied quietly at the same table in the library. They interacted, but it felt like there was stuff going unsaid. Something being ignored and brushed over. Something that, even though they both wanted it dealt with, neither wanted to face and bring up.

They had reasons for being a little distant. “It's just been so hectic with all the finals coming up.” “We're all so stressed about how or when things are going to get worse.” “I'm just too tired to do more right now.”

Things had been sort of awkward and stilted. And as much as it seemed easier to just let it be, Nancy was at the end of her rope. She didn't like not having answers. She didn't like being in the position of trying to maintain something by walking on eggshells.

If it was ending, it just needed to end.

So, she was driving the two of them out to the cabin for dinner, and when she put the station wagon into park next to the other cars, she started trying to break up with him. To excuse herself before they went in for dinner with his family and it just became a more complicated mess.

She shut off the engine and rested her hand on the keys, but didn't pull them from the ignition.

“I don’t think this is working, Jonathan.”

She was speaking gently. Kindly and honestly. Just stating an unfortunate fact of the matter.

Jonathan sat back into the seat from where he'd started getting up. It was a little out of nowhere. Just a second before they were talking about Murray's electrical work on the cabin and hoping he knew what he was doing enough that it wouldn't accidentally trigger a forest fire one day. But what Nancy said surely wasn't related.

“What?” he asked her.

“I… I just feel like we keep going in opposite directions. And it’s not just been since California. Even at the Hawkins’ Post, we were butting against one another and just… now it seems like we can’t even talk to each other.”

Jonathan blinked at her and tried,“ We can talk to each other.”

“Can we? Because I don't feel like we have. You've been back in town for over a month now and I still feel like there's something wrong. Some rift between us. And I don't know why we're holding back, I don't know if it's just because we got so used to only talking over the phone or if it's because we're both trying not to be scared of what Vecna means for El and Will when he comes back or… if it's something else entirely?” Nancy leaned forward with a heavy breath falling from her lips,“ But I feel like there's gotta be something. Because we don't feel like we used to.”

Jonathan didn't know what to say first. That it was all his fault, that he's been hoping some switch would flip and he'd be okay again, that he's been lying and procrastinating with only Argyle's counsel telling him that he needed to be honest… That he wished he'd never let any of it go on so long because it kept making it harder to admit.

“I’m sorry.”

And Nancy's brows furrowed to hear that. “No, I don’t want your apologies. I just want to know if I’m crazy for feeling like this or if you understand where I’m coming from. If you even see it?”

His voice almost caught in his throat. Quiet and small he tried to agree,“ I see it, Nance. I-”

“Kids!” Joyce yelled from the open front door, warm light from the cabin spilling out around her into the dim evening forest surrounding them,” Supper’s ready and on the table already! Come on in before it gets cold!”

“We're all waiting!” Will's voice carried from behind her. She shot another pointed look for them to hurry up before she went back inside and closed the door.

Nancy shook her head,“ I don’t think I should-”

“Can we just make it through the dinner? And we can talk after?” Jonathan asked.

And maybe if he left it there, Nancy would've said no. She shouldn't go to dinner with his family while they're in the middle of a serious talk. Especially not one she was expecting to end in a breakup.

But then he said “Please.”

So, she argued with herself. Thought that she might as well let them have one more nice evening. One more memory for the road. And she was expected. She didn't need to embarrass him by canceling from the driveway.

Nancy decided,“ Okay. We can make it through dinner. And we'll talk after.”

She leaned over the console and pressed a kiss into Jonathan's cheek. She pulled on a thin smile and took the keys out of the ignition. He returned the small smile. Gave a curt nod.

They were in agreement.

Just make it through dinner, and they were going to figure it out after. Whichever way it would go.

The two of them went inside, greeted Hop and Joyce, El, Will, and Argyle, and joined the five of them at the table. It was a steak dinner with a wide array of homey sides, mashed potatoes, brown gravy, steamed carrots, green beans, etc. All the sort of stuff that made sense for a small dinner with something to be thankful for. It was pleasant.

They all small-talked in circles as they ate. Eventually, the topic of California came up. They were all checking with Argyle for the hundredth time that he and his parents were okay with him staying in Hawkins as long as he had. Promising over and over again that it was okay for him to go back home without seeing this whole mess through to the end with them.

He never wavered though. So Joyce smiled and gave a breathy laugh, muttering about all the apologies she'd have to make when they stopped back in Lenora at some point. Probably after they thought things are really over. And then she said something about loading up another moving van to bring all their stuff back to Hawkins. Which struck Jonathan for the first time.

They must've not talked about it, or at least not clearly enough, because he didn't realize they were moving back to Hawkins permanently. His mother just sort of snickered and agreed, yes, that's why they renovated Hop's whole cabin to fit them comfortably. But even though that made sense, the whole thing didn't.

It didn't make sense for Jon and his plans.

All of a sudden, it slipped out.

“We can't move back here, I applied to Lenora Community College so I could stay with you guys at home!”

And then the whole dinner pulled to a screeching stop.

Forks froze in people's hands, bites of food when un-chewed as that truth settled in, eyes widened and stuck on him in shock.

“What?” came from four different directions around him.

Joyce. Will. El. And, most urgently, Nancy.

Jonathan's throat immediately went dry as he realized the shit storm he just kicked up.

“What the hell?” Nancy questioned him again. Though, quickly becoming more angry than confused.

“I…”

“Jonathan, what's going on?” his mom asked seriously while she tried to understand.

Argyle looked at him with an expression that said something nicer than “I told you” and “This is going to be bad.” But Nancy's eyes were set in her hurt. In the betrayal. In the fury and rage and shock. She wiped her mouth off with her napkin before smacking it down onto the table and storming out the door. Not another word.

“Nancy,” Jonathan called after her. Getting up from his chair and following just a few seconds behind while she nearly ran to the car.

It was all such fucking bullshit.

“Leave me alone.”

“Stop. Nancy!”

She grit her teeth together with her hand on the car door handle,“ I'm serious, Jonathan. Go away.”

He didn't want it to happen like that at all. He wanted to fix it. Or soften the blow. Or just explain. He wanted to explain what happened. To tell Nancy he wasn't trying to hurt her, that he'd never try to do that.

He slowed down a few feet away and reached out for her,“ Can I please just-”

With a sharp snap, she turned to face him. Her eyes set on him hard. His hand retracted from the harsh reaction.

She only had one question for him,“ Did you even apply to Emerson?”

That one question was all she needed to decide how mad she was going to be. And when he stuttered under the pressure, not a word to defend himself from the truth, she knew. She knew she was going to be as mad as she could possibly get.

“So how many months were you - not even by omission, just straight up lying to me - telling me you were still waiting for your acceptance letter? How many times did I try to make you feel better just because I got in early admission and you 'hadn't heard back yet'? When did you decide to just drag me along even though you decided you were done being invested?”

Jonathan just looked down and uttered,“ I'm sorry.”

Nancy's lip curled in something just less than a snarl.

“I already said I don't want your apologies. I just wanted to know if I was crazy. Turns out I wasn't and you just decided you were done with me but didn't have the decency to let me know-”

He stepped forward,“ I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how to!” he was desperate to correct her assumption,” I mean, you saw it, my mom didn't even know that I… I was trying to figure it out, how to tell you without hurting you, and- and Argyle tried to tell me I just needed to do it and stop-”

“Argyle?” she scoffed,” So you two were just laughing with yourselves over how fucking clueless I had to be to just believe you this whole time, huh?”

“No! No, absolutely not-”

She cut him off,“ I don't care. And if it wasn't clear, we're done. Just leave me alone.”

With a quick yank on the car door, she climbed into the driver's seat and was backing out before Jonathan could even figure out what he would've said next if she waited.

And part of him was pissed at her for not hearing him out, like the last two and a half years of dating, and the year of friendship before that, meant nothing because of this one time he fucked up. Another part of him was pissed at Argyle for having practically warned him it would happen like this because he kept waiting. Another part was just pissed at himself for being the fault of all of it.

“Jonathan?” Joyce asked from the porch, they'd heard pretty much all of the yelling from inside,“ Can we talk about what just happened?”

But another part of him was pissed at his mom for making it all come up when she told him they were staying at Hawkins during that special dinner.

“We were going to talk after…” he whispered to himself.

Because maybe if they had gotten to have the conversation they planned on after eating, maybe it would've gone better. Maybe Nancy would've listened and maybe they would've understood each other and maybe no one would've eavesdropped on him getting dumped after being exposed as a callous liar.

“What was that?” she asked, not nearly close enough to have heard him.

“I said, no thank you.”

And Jonathan stomped off into the woods. To kick rocks, snap twigs, and be pissed at all the people he wanted to be pissed at. Alone.

Nancy was driving, but she didn't really know where she wanted to go. Tears streamed down her cheeks that she had to wipe off onto her sleeves while she went. She was at least proud that she held them in until she left. She didn't want to cry in front of Jonathan after what he did.

How could he do that to her?

All those conversations, all those plans, all those promises. Worthless. He was just walking away. And there was this speck of Nancy's brain that said “hurting a good person just like his dad did.” She was thankful it wasn't something she'd thought of to say to his face. Because she felt bad about that one as soon as she thought it.

But she was hurt. And angry. And she didn't want to go home and be hurt and angry alone. To walk past her family having a perfectly normal and boring dinner and hear her mom call after her “I thought you were going over to the Byers’ for supper?” To run up the stairs just to avoid having the answer. To sniffle into her pillow until the headache set in.

She didn't want that. She wanted to fix it because Nancy liked fixing things. But she didn't know how to fix her and Jonathan. Not like how they were after what he did.

And while she tightened her hands on the steering wheel, and wrestled with thoughts about wanting to fix something, all she came up with was something Robin said to her.

Right after it all happened, when they were waiting in the hospital together. Nancy had held Robin's hands when she was getting nervous about Steve, and then Robin held hers while she worried about Mike. And then Robin smiled and started joking trying to get her to laugh; suggesting she got back together with Steve Harrington.

Robin said,“ You might’ve not been right for one another back then, but I don’t think any two people have changed as much as you guys have.”

And, hey, maybe she had a point.

She and Jonathan just went up in flames, she didn't want to be alone, and she and Steve have changed. Maybe that was the thing she could fix. Maybe that was the next step. And even if it didn't last forever, it could last for a little bit. Just so she wasn't alone.

So Nancy got turned around at the next light, and she headed towards Loch Nora. Rolling down her window and speeding more than she should on the way. Trying to dry her face and get there before she started crying again.

When Steve heard his doorbell ring, he almost didn't answer it.

Now that he was living alone again, anybody stopping by without calling first probably had to be a Jehovah's Witness or salesman. He really didn't want to chat with either. But it was almost nine o'clock at night. That was a strange time of day for the previously mentioned sort of visitors.

So he pulled himself up from the couch and went to the front door. Making the effort of a little jog when the doorbell rang again on his way over.

“I'm comin', I'm comin',” he commented under his breath. But opening the door to see Nancy Wheeler on his doorstep was a surprise.

What was even more of a surprise was the messy hair, the bright red, glassy eyes, puffy lids, and tear-stained cheeks. He almost winced at the look of her, because Nancy doesn't look like that. Ever. But she just smiled under the clear distress and took a step forward before Steve had really even welcomed her in.

“Hi, Steve,” she said casually like she didn't know the state she was in.

“Hi, Nancy. What're- What's got you stopping by my side of town?” he asked, pulling the door back and giving her room to come the rest of the way in.

“Just… Thinking about things.” she hummed as she passed him,” About me. About you. About a combination of the two.”

“Thinking about… us?”

“Yeah. About us. And the way we used to be 'us'. Before me and Jonathan, obviously.” Nancy kept striding into the living room. Her fingers swept over the top of the hall table as she went. Hearing Steve close the door behind her instead of seeing it.

“Okay, um,” he thought and started to follow her into the house,” And- and what sort of things were you thinking about? About us?”

Nancy stopped. Waited a moment before she turned around to face him, a slight falter in her balance as she did, per all the exhaustion that was still collecting in her. But, she regained her stance. And she looked into his eyes and wondered,“ We used to have fun, didn't we?”

“Yeah… we did.” Steve studied her before he worried,” Nance, is something going on? Do you need a ride home or to crash here for the night?”

Her expression dropped. “I'm not drunk,” she told him. Almost disappointed that was the conclusion he came to out of what she was saying.

“You're just a little wobbly and-”

“I'm tired,” she brushed off and turned back around to finish making her way to his living room.

“And you're talking about us from almost three years ago-”

She abruptly told him,“ Jonathan and I broke up.”

And those words cut through the air, sharp and sudden.

“Oh.”

Steve wasn't really sure how to react. He liked them together after everything, he thought. If they were happy, it was one nice thing that came out of the Upside Down ruining a lot of people's lives. If they were happy, it was one nice thing that came out of him and Nancy breaking up.

But they weren't happy, and then they weren't together, and now Nancy was in his house talking about them and what they used to have together.

A question that kept coming at him from all directions. Something he used to think about all the time and want. And now that he's been saying for weeks that he doesn't anymore… was that really true? Did he care?

Nancy kept going, taking a seat on Steve's white couch and sinking into it, fussing with the pillow next to her,“ I broke up with him because he's been lying to me and leading me on and so, now we're nothing.”

But even if Steve Harrington did want to be with Nancy Wheeler again, that wasn't the time. She was obviously hurting and a good friend would be offering support, not thinking about what they can get out of the opportunity presented to them.

So Steve stepped up. Sat down next to her, leaving about a foot of space between their seats, and spoke earnestly to Nancy.

“I'm sorry to hear that, Nance. Did you want to talk? Or is there anything I can do-”

“I seem to remember we had a lot of fun kissing. Right, Steve?”

Steve was a bit at a loss because that wasn't really what he was getting at. And maybe that was what Nancy was getting at, but maybe not. It would be rude to assume because maybe she just really wanted to reminisce. So Steve just agreed. “Yeah. Yeah, we did that a lot. I guess. Teenagers, it's what we do.”

But then Nancy shifted herself a little closer. Leaned in a little more.

“I miss having fun with you.”

And that caused Steve some pause.

“Are you saying…?”

“I don't want to be sad about Jonathan. I just want to have fun.”

Then she was kissing him.

Nancy was kissing Steve. And despite being slightly stunned, he started kissing back. They closed their eyes and sat together in the dark of his living room. Kissing with the kind of practiced familiarity that exists when two people have done that sort of thing together before.

And it was nice.

In a way, it had to be.

It was two people who cared about each other, connecting in a way they used to.

Nancy starting to move in. Deepening the moment, making it more, and heating it up.

She broke the kiss to breathe, and in that second she whispered something.

“I love you, Steve.”

And maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Maybe she didn't have the time or clarity to think about it enough. Maybe she shouldn't have said it if she wasn't really sure. But it all broke apart because she said she didn't. So the best idea she had, in that moment while she had Steve, before she had a chance to lose him, was to say she did.

To tell him what he wanted to hear.

And Nancy got back to it. She started shrugging off the cardigan on her shoulders. Her hands separated from Steve's jaw to shake off the knit sleeves. She turned to rise and kneel on the couch. Coming up taller than Steve at that angle. And he just followed her.

They started breathing heavier, but… then Steve's eyebrows pinched together.

No.

Steve turned his face, his lips moving away from Nancy's. She started to lower, possibly planning to go for his neck when he told her,“ Nancy… I don’t think this is right.”

She shook her head, their noses almost touching with the closeness,” Come on, it’s fine. Jonathan and I broke up, so it’s-”

“No. Nancy.” Steve grabbed her by her arms and put a little distance between them,” I- I don’t think this is what I want.”

Nancy looked at him. Confused for a moment as she sat back onto her heels. Steve loosened his hold on her arms and she wondered,” But you…?”

They've been seeing each other more recently. And Robin brought it up. Was practically trying to sell Nancy on the idea before. And he caught her when she was Vecna'd, then she dove after him into Lover's Lake and patched up his injuries in the Upside Down. And he told her about all those dreams about a big family in a Winnebago. And… They broke up because Nancy didn't love him, but they'd changed so much and she just said she did. So…

Why not?

Steve took a steadying breath before he tried to explain,“ I think I thought I wanted you. But I think I just wanted to hear you say you love me again after you said you didn’t. And that's not-”

Nancy drew back,” So, this was-”

“I’m sorry-”

“No, this was just some ploy to get back at me from when I was drunk on Halloween? Really?” And it wasn't like that, but that's how it made sense to her. “Just when a girl thinks you’ve actually changed, Steve Harrington.”

That cut deep. Steve didn't want her to think of him like that, he wasn't like that. That's not what he was trying to do or let happen. He just didn't know until he did, and then he knew so he stopped it.

“That’s not what I’m saying, Nance. I just didn’t know that I-”

“That you didn’t want me. Classy.” She roughly grabbed her cardigan and stood up from the couch.

“I’m sorry-”

But Nancy was so tired of bullshit, shallow apologies.

“No, I’m sorry. My bad. I’m the stupid one.” She shook her head while she went for the door,” Screw you, Steve. Should’ve known it’d all still be bullshit.”

#Remember babes - I need you to hold Nancy so gently rn ❤️#She is going through the trenches of ✨teenage girlhood✨ and ✨trauma✨ so she is making come complicated impulsive decisions right now #And we are going to listen to where she's coming from and watch how this unfolds without demonizing her for not being perfect #Just like Steve is figuring things out - so is Nancy ❤️#Besides all that - I hope y'all loved all the EdNancy I've been itching to give you #I had so much joy in developing Nancy's feelings about Barb and giving Eddie more backstory #Making them a distinctly matching pair in a way no one could've seen coming #Platonic Besties running parallel to Stobin in nature #But in their own way #Next chap is going to deal with the consequences of Jon and Nancy's actions and everyone figuring out how to heal from them!#Can't wait!#Steve Harrington #Eddie Munson #Steddie #Steveddie #Steve x Eddie #Nancy Wheeler #Robin Buckney #Ronance #Robin x Nancy #The Fruity Four #Dustin Henderson #Stranger Things #Stranger Things 4 #stranger things fanfiction #ST4 fanfic #Steddie Fanfic #Ronance Fanfic

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