Deprived | Twenty

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smoking, suggestive? word count: 3.3k a/n: this series has been longer than I anticipated but I'm living for the slow burn so it's gonna be a while till we're done folks.

pov: layla

I spent the next week couped in my room, refusing to leave as I quickly smoked the bag of weed Wes had given me. Allie had messaged me in concern multiple times and I finally built up the courage to reply to her a day after her last message.

Allie <3 Monday hey girl are you okay? matt has been off all day 1:30pm Tuesday if u wanna talk im here <3 5:37pm Wednesday im getting concerned pls message me if u need anything 3:47pm

You sorry just havent been feeling good im okay just need time alone 10:21pm

Allie <3 im sorry :(10:23pm

You its okay i'll be at school tmrw 10:27pm

Allie <3 okay! see ya then <3 10:28pm

I locked my phone and threw it lazily on the bed beside me, rolling over to face the wall where my window was cracked open. I was glad my dad was out tonight, having to deal with him for over a week straight was draining and I felt like it didn't benefit my self-loathing in any way. I sighed as my mind always travelled back to the look on Matt's face, the pure hurt in his eyes that I knew I caused.

Part of me was glad he hadn't messaged or tried to talk to me. It meant that I could push him away if I wanted to. I did just that without even consciously meaning to. I got scared and made it his fault in my brain but as I continued rotting in my bed, I realised I hurt him more than I ever meant to. It wasn't his fault that I was afraid of someone being close, it wasn't his fault that I let something so small set me off. I needed to make him realise it wasn't his fault and I was just not used to the affection and accommodation he offered me daily.

I barely slept over the past week and this night was no different. My alarm went off in the early hours of the morning and I knew I had slept a total of 4 hours from the way my brain had constantly been reeling. I dragged myself out of bed and trudged into the bathroom. I took an extra long shower to attempt to rid the disgust I felt towards myself.

After scrubbing my entire body head to toe, I jumped out of the shower and walked to my room. My entire body felt heavy and I felt tears prick my eyes when I looked over to the pink sweater that was still laying over my bag. I picked it up, realising it was the only clean sweater I had since I hadn't been bothered with laundry. I quickly slid it over my head before sliding on my black sweatpants and combat boots. I slid my leather jacket over the top, not bothering with any makeup as I lazily tied my now damp hair into a low ponytail. I grabbed my bag, quickly sprayed on some perfume and grabbed my phone off of my bedside table.

I quickly exited my house without food or water in my stomach and as I began walking down the road, I decided to light one of the last few cigarettes I had pre-rolled. I grabbed my headphones from my bag, slid one into my ear and plugged them into my phone. I clicked shuffle on one of my playlists and I let my feet drag on the asphalt as I slowly made my way down the streets of Massachusetts.

After an hour, I finally arrived in the parking lot of the school and I scanned the cars, my eyes landing where I saw the familiar silver minivan. I paused, letting out a heavy breath as I collected myself and began walking to the group of people in front of the car.

Nate was the first to notice me and he just looked at me with no expression before he turned back to the group. As I got closer I noticed the fact that Mia was standing beside Matt with her head leaned on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her back lazily and I felt a pang of pure jealousy run through me. I tried to shake it off as I got closer, knowing I had no right to be mad about it right now since I was the one who caused the riff between the brown-haired boy and myself.

"Speak of the devil," I heard Nick say when his eyes caught mine and I was a few feet away, standing uncomfortably as I looked between all of them. All of their heads turned to look at me, Allie being the only one who didn't seem like they were looking right through me.

"Matt, can I talk to you?" I asked quietly as I didn't dare to meet his eyes yet and there was an uncomfortable silence that fell over us, "Please."

"About what?" he asked, his tone short and I looked up to see his face completely expressionless but his eyes held such hurt and aggravation that it felt like it cut right through me.

"Last week," I mumbled, ignoring the pain in my chest of seeing Mia looking at me with a slight smirk. I focused in on the boy I had hurt, his blue eyes piercing in the sunlight.

"Now?" he questioned, not taking his eyes off of me and I just looked at him, the judgement of his friends radiating off of them. He sighed heavily before swinging his arm out from around Mia and I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders but there was still a pressure on my chest, "I'll be back."

I looked at the ground as he pushed away from the hood of the minivan and he walked past me. I followed behind him, not daring to look back at his friends as we walked to the back of the parking lot before he stopped to face me.

He didn't say anything for a moment as I looked up at him and he scanned me head to toe before murmuring, "That's my sweater."

"Yeah. I left it on my bag all week but I didn't have any clean hoodies for today," I explained and he hummed as I picked at the skin around my fingers, my nails too short to bite now that I had been picking at them all week. I nervously chewed on my lip before I said, "I'm sorry."

"It took you a week to say that?" he asked, his voice quiet but his words laced with pain.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I reacted to what you said horribly but I just-" I cut myself off as I took a breath and looked down at the gravel below us, "I haven't had anyone take care of me the way you do. It scares me. I'm sorry."

I squeezed my eyes closed, chewing on my bottom lip far more aggressively than I intended but my heart raced as I waited for his response. I felt his hand fall under my chin and he lifted my face to look up at him, noticing now that he was slightly closer to me. He used his thumb to gently pull my lip away from my teeth as I fidgeted with the hem of the pink sweater.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" he asked, his tone softening as he looked down at me and I shrugged dumbly.

"I am bad at talking about that sorta stuff," I answered quietly, my throat closing from the sadness that invaded my body as I looked up at him. I had no right to be upset right now, I was the one who fucked up and made this so difficult, but I felt guilt invade my entire body when I realised I didn't want to push him away. It was habit and I was always bad at breaking them.

"Don't do that again," he demanded softly and I pursed my lips as I pushed my sadness down the best I could as tears sprung to my eyes, "Or I swear to god I won't talk to you again and I don't want to stop talking to you. Ever."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you away. I just don't know how to deal with everything I'm feeling and I know it's shitty but I promise I'm trying. I have no right to be sad right now because this is my fault but I feel so horrible for making you upset. You deserve so much more than that and if I can't give that to you I understand if you don't want me to be around anymore," I rambled out all of my feelings and conflicting voices in my head but I was cut off by his lips on mine.

I paused for a moment to register what was happening before my body melted into his, his arms wrapping around my lower back as I snaked my arms around his neck. I pulled him into me, missing the way his body felt against my own more than I anticipated. It felt like a breath of fresh air after being stuck in my room for the past week with smoke-filled lungs. He gripped my hips, pulling me impossibly closer to him as I tangled my hands in his hair before he pulled away to breathe for a moment.

"You're an idiot," he mumbled before he leaned back in to kiss me gently again.

"I know," I mumbled against his lips and he ran his tongue against my rough lips, the sting of his saliva hitting the open splits on my lips from chewing them. I hissed and pulled away as he looked down at me.

"You need to stop biting your lip," he muttered as his eyes travelled all around my face, "And stop picking your nails. You're not gonna have any left soon."

"I've been stressed the past week. I can't help it," I whispered as I looked up at him in awe. I had forgotten the pure oxytocin that ran through my system when I was with him and I refused to let it go again.

"Pretty girl," he gave me a sympathetic look and I shook my head as I pulled away from his face slightly, my arms still slung over his shoulders.

"Don't feel bad. This was my doing and I will make it up to you," I answered sternly and his face broke into a small smile. I sighed, the weight being lifted off of my chest now and my body tingled with joy.

"All I'm asking is that you talk to me next time," he whispered, leaning down to place a peck on my lips and I let it linger before I pulled back and nodded.

"I will try," I scratched the nape of his neck lightly and he bit his bottom lip as my face dropped, "Don't look at me like that before we have to go inside. I'll drive us back to your house right now."

"I don't see you for a week and you're ready to jump my bones already," he chuckled and I raised my eyebrows.

"How else can I make it up to you, ya know?" I joked as let my mouth form into a smirk and he shook his head as he pursed his lips, "Does this mean I can come to your game this week?"

"Of course baby," he smiled down at me and I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach again, promising not only him but myself to never let myself ruin this again.

"By the way," I let my right hand trail from his neck to his chest, playing with the necklace that sat comfortably on his collarbones, "Allie's brother was just dropping me home. He tried to flirt with me but I shut it down. I wasn't lying about that."

"I know. I overreacted. I'm sorry about that," he said softly and I shook my head, twiddling the pendant between my fingers as I looked up at him.

"I know how it looked. I would've been just as upset. You don't need to apologise for it," I mumbled, trying hard to convey my feelings as best I could to which he didn't respond verbally. He instead placed another kiss against my lips and smiled against me as he squeezed my hips.

"Matt!" I heard Chris's voice call from only a few feet away and we both broke apart to look over at him, "You guys done? We gotta go to class."

"I forgot about that," I joked and Chris just gave me a deadpanned look as Matt chuckled.

"We'll be there in a sec," he called to his brother who just rolled his eyes and spun around to walk back to his friends, "They're more pissed at you than I was."

"I can tell," I mumbled as I watched their eyes pour directly into me, "Allie messaged me though."

"She was the only one defending you," he told me honestly and I hummed as I looked back up to him, "I'll talk to them."

"Don't sugarcoat it. You can tell them I'm a dumbass who doesn't know how to deal with her emotions," I stated and he shook his head with a smile, placing a kiss on the top of my head before swinging his arm over my shoulders.

"Come on," he said nodding towards the group and I hesitantly began walking with him by my side. Their eyes stayed glued to us as we approached and Mia gave me nothing but a scowl with her arms crossed, "Chill out. We talked about it."

"That didn't seem like talking," Mia spat and I remained silent, letting Matt handle the situation as I looked at Allie who gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Don't Mia," Matt deadpanned and she only scoffed with a roll of her eyes, "We talked about it and I don't wanna hear it."

"Only took you a week," Nate raised his eyebrows as he spoke and he looked at me. I pursed my lips while glancing between them.

"At least it happened," Matt retorted before the bell rang and he sighed, "We'll talk about it later. Let's go."

He began walking with his arm around my shoulder still and I followed suit, Chris moving to stand on the other side of Matt as everyone else followed behind. We made our way to our classes and once we sat down, a weight fell back on my chest.

Not only did I have to make it up to Matt, I had to win back his brothers and his friends.

+++

Pretty boy where did u go?? 12:23pm

You 🚬 be there in a minute 12:24pm

I locked my phone, sliding it into my pocket as I finished off my cigarette, throwing it onto the ground before I wedged it into the ground with my boot. I made my way back inside and straight to the cafeteria where I saw the group of friends sitting together.

"Hey," Allie beamed as she scooted closer to Mia to make space between her and Matt for me to sit. I smiled at her as I swung my legs over the bench and sat down. Matt placed his arm around my lower back as he continued his conversation with Nick.

"I don't want to wear a tie. That's why I got the red shirt," Matt groaned and Nick gave him a deadpanned look.

"It's prom. You're supposed to look fancy with a tie," Nick stated and Matt ran a hand across his face.

"We're all wearing a tie. Don't be a bitch," Nate pointed out and I tuned them out as Allie tapped my shoulder to gain my attention.

"You okay?" she asked quietly and I nodded with a hum.

"Yeah. Thank you for checking on me," I answered in a hushed tone and she shrugged with her sunshine smile that warmed my heart to know she wasn't annoyed with me.

"Of course. That's what friends are for," she said casually before she turned back to listen to the group conversation. I let her words hang over my head like a cloud.

That's what friends are for.

I don't remember the last time I had a genuine friend and her simple words struck me right in my heart. She had always been kind to me and from the moment we talked, she had been such a light in my life. I realised I not only wanted to share my emotions and feelings with Matt but also with Allie to show her that I appreciated her.

I wanted to be better for both of them.

"How long do we have to stay there?" Chris whined as he threw his head onto the table dramatically and Allie rolled her eyes.

"You're acting like you're being held hostage. If you don't wanna go it's fine," Allie responded, her tone quietening at the end and I could sense the slight sadness at Chris's distaste for prom.

"Al, I told you I'm going and I'll stick to that. I just don't wanna be there for five hours," he lifted his head up to look at her and she shrugged, eyes glancing at the table.

"We can leave early and go back to my house," she offered and Chris's mouth broke into a smile as he nodded.

"Works for me," he said triumphantly before sitting up again, resting his elbows on the table in front of him.

"How are we getting there?" Mia asked, looking around at the group and I just sat there in silence, deciding to go along with whatever plan I knew Allie had already set up.

"Meet up at my house at five thirty so we can take photos and make sure we have everything and then we will leave at like six-thirty to get to the hotel," Allie explained the plan and everyone seemed to hum along in agreement. I felt Matt's arm snake further around my back as he scooted closer to me.

"How are we getting there?" Nick asked and Allie smiled as she adjusted her ponytail.

"I got us a limo," she announced happily and Mia showed her first sign of happiness of the day as she squealed excitedly, "You guys won't drink right?"

Matt and his brothers shook their heads with a firm no and Allie turned to look at me and I shrugged, "Depends on what it is."

"Bottle of champagne in the limo?" Mia asked Allie and Allie nodded causing Mia's smile to widen.

"You're dad won't arrest us if we drink?" Nate asked, the half-hearted joke not landing well with Mia as she rolled her eyes.

"Not if he doesn't know," she pointed out with a slight smirk and Nate raised his eyebrows before nodding in agreement.

"Did you find a dress?" Nate asked, turning his attention to me as he attempted to make conversation. I assumed that in the time I'd been in my other classes and was outside Matt had talked to Nate, Chris and Nick since they weren't glaring at me anymore but they still felt slightly standoffish.

"No. I'm just gonna make my own," I explained and he nodded, his smile in a downturned smile.

"Mad impressive that you can do that," he complimented me and I gave him a half-hearted smile as Matt traced circles on my hip with his thumb.

"Thanks. I just hope I can finish it in time," I explained and I could sense Mia's disgust towards me radiating off of her but I was learning to tune her out like I had always done before Matt came into my life.

Suddenly the bell rang for our next classes and everyone began getting up. I stood up from the table before Matt spun me around and kissed my lips gently. I froze for a moment, shocked at the fact he did that in the middle of the cafeteria but I quickly reciprocated the action before he pulled away.

"See you after school pretty girl," he smirked at me before he walked away and I stood still for a moment as I watched him walk away with Nick, Chris, Nate and Mia.

"You guys are so fucking cute it makes me want to throw up," Allie rolled her eyes playfully beside me and I looked around to see people staring at me once again. I pursed my lips, my cheeks tinging red as I hid a smile and shook my head before I began walking out of the cafeteria.

tags:

@dsturniolo @chrisstankyleg @lov3bug @pinklittleflower @thatcrazybitch-69 @trinity2058 @alorsxsturn @chrizznmetswife @ilovechrissturniolo1 @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @sturnfix @lilsstvrn @sturniololol @sturniolowhore @jebbie-project-blog @jaxyy219

Stranger - Choi San

☆main masterlist | ★Ateez masterlist | ☆Riize masterlist | ★Series Masterlist

Bathroom- Montell Fish

—a/n: The Will To Power tour being announced on my 19th birthday set off something in me to start writing (again...). This fic has honestly been a wip for 4-3 months so I've finally found it in me to finish a few chapters and post. Enjoy!! (This first chapter is just a bit of an intro to all the characters and the plot) btw this has barely been proofread and i rushed the Yunho part (IM SORRY)

—Pairing: Choi San x Fem. reader x Ex bf.Jeong Yunho

—Series Warnings : (18+ - minors dni) fluff, angst, smut, cussing/mature language.

—Genres: college au, strangers to lovers, friends to lovers.

—Chapter warnings: cussing/mature language, BAD writing, mentions of sex/ implied jokes, Drinking, ANGST, arguments, Eunseok (riize), Jungwon (enhypen) and Lia (Itzy) are all readers friends, lia is readers roomate, mentions of other ateez members. (I HAVENT DONE THIS IN AGES BARE WITH ME)

—Word Count: 1.1K (ish)

"Are you going to the party on Saturday?" Lia asks, plopping down on your bed, pulling out her phone in the process. party? in finals week?  

"I thought you said you didn't go to parties anymore because of Wooyoung and its finals week... I'm not failing this semester" you protested. 

"Firstly," she began whilst walking towards her wardrobe "I do like going to parties... I just don't like Wooyoungs friends constantly going on, saying, "I bet you've had a taste of Wooyoungs weiner" especially that San guy, mother fucker." she cursed. " And if you're that stressed about finals, I'll help you study when I recover from the amazing hangover, I'm about to bring on myself... is it a deal?"  

"Deal" you said, also making your way to the wardrobe to pick something to wear. 

"Is this too much? I mean I know it's just a house party but like... a dress? it's a nice dress Li but I don't think it matches the uh... vibe"  

This was just an excuse... you didn't want to go to this party, for all you cared you would much rather be at home binge watching the latest shows you've been watching or rewatching your favorite films. 

"You're lying to yourself Y/n, we've been to a fuck tone of parties this year, and you've worn something like this every time." She grumbled. 

"It's different this time." 

"How? because Yunho isn't eating you out at the end of the night?"  

"Lia! Don't be stupid, I'm just tired and in need of some..." 

"Dick," she cut you off " you need a one-night stand, you're too set on Yunho" 

"Maybe that's a good thing."  

Desperate times call for desperate measures. And if being in love with your ex is still desperate, you're willing to go that far. 

"Or maybe we can try and get you out your shell? There are other guys out there who'll let you finish on their face"  

"What if I only want to finish on his face" you stated. 

"Then you have some weird shit going on in your head y/n, you two broke up 2 months ago, probably more than that," she said while giving you a look that could kill you if you said anything else " and besides... maybe wooyoung has a hot single friend you could mess about with. Please just listen to me for once and have some fun?" 

So now you're at a college frat party watching people pour alcohol on themselves for fun. Great. And even better the person who always lightens your mood... Wooyoung. Approaching you and your best friend at full speed. Fucking hell. If your evening could get any worse just let it happen now. 

"Heya ladies" he said whilst wrapping an arm around Lia's waist. What even are they at this point? Fuck buddies? For all you know, whenever he shows up, Lia ends up disappearing and that's your queue to go and sit in the toilet for the rest of the night.  

"Hi, woo," she replied leaning into his chest. Great. "wanna go grab a drink?" Fuck you.  

"Yeah sure," fuck the both of you. "You coming y/n?"  

"I'm good I might go and talk to Jungwon I think he's over there," you smiled and kissed your teeth.  

So, saying this night has gone bad is an overstatement. Besides, you still needed to do the wordle of today. My god. Is this what lifes become? 

"Okay so if it's not an a ther-" you muttered to yourself before someone knocked on the door. 

"You okay in there?" Yunho? "I was just gonna check on you, y/n, make sure you werent blowing up the toilet or something."  

Opening the door, you looked up at him. And now on top of your ex being a few centimeters away from your face, your heart was also racing faster than it has in a long time. By the flush on his cheeks, you could tell he was drunk. This probably explains why he was now walking towards you leaving you with the only option of stumbling back into the bathroom.  

“Are you drunk?” you asked as he placed his hands on your waist. “Actually, I don't want to know,” removing his hands you sat down on the toilet.  

“y/n don't be like this”  

“Be like what!?” You're now standing, “Did our relationship mean nothing to you? Did I mean nothing to you? I’m not like Lia, okay? I don’t fuck about with people because I don’t mind not having commitment and closure. It’s your fault this Wack relationship ended. Then you just forget about me for a few months and act like you give a shit when you wanna get laid” You borderline screamed. Rule number one: never be afraid to raise your voice at a man with an over inflated ego, especially not an ex-boyfriend. 

“Did you really think I was gonna fall back into your arms Yunho? You broke my fucking heart!” 

“y/n I jus-”  

“Get out, don't speak to me till you'll be sober enough to remember this conversation in the morning.”

So it was dramatic and you’re stupid. Yunho finally gave you a chance and you fucked up. Actually no. He fucked up. Relationships are a waste of time. 

More knocking.  

“Fuck off Yunho.”  

This time instead of your wide-eyed ex storming in, a tall guy in a white tank top peeps his head round the door.  

“Oh, I'm sorry,” you said wiping tears from your face.  

You’d be stupid to say this guy wasn’t slightly your type. He looks like a Frank Ocean song to put it nicely.  

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, sorry, but could I use the bathroom?”  

“Oh, sure go ahead.” you replied stepping out of the toilet. 

After this guy had finished... his business he came out and smiled at you.  

“Not one for parties then?”  

“How could you guess.” Maybe it was your low standards or the fact you’ve spent the last 2 hours crying and playing candy crush, but you haven't smiled this hard all week. 

“There’s just a vibe about you, it’s the “I don't wanna be here my friend dragged me along don't speak to me” look” 

“Your right about the “my friend dragged me along part,” maybe add on “she left me to go hook up with some guy” and you’d be spot on” You hinted.  

“Well, we’d be in the same boat then. “My friend left me to hook up with a girl he won’t commit to” sound familiar?”  

“Very.” You smiled 

“San, my names San... By the way.” 

“As in Wooyoungs friend?” 

“Ever met another San?”  

“Not that I can remember.” you answered.  

“Your name?”  

“Y/n, Lia’s friend.” You implied. 

“Woah as in... wooyoungs like... whatever they are.” 

So, this is San? All of Lia's comments about him being a mother fucker weren't as true as you thought. He seemed like a gentleman. He hadn’t tried to make a move on you, or any other stupid shit like most guys at these shitty things. 

He seemed nice enough to at least hang about with till Lia got so drunk she would black out.  

This evening could go better than you thought.

Just venting I will delete this later

1. Im still working on the next parts of all my fics whilst also writing a few different one shots. I’m hoping to have something content-wise before Christmas or shortly after as my gift to you 💕

2. GOD I HATE MY BOSS. So, he’s just gross, right? Smells all the time, stands too close to you, doesn’t respect boundaries, mouth breather, old and slow. I schedule stuff on my calendar and he schedules over the top of it. I tell him what my plans are for this week given I’m only working 3 days and he acts like I just told him I killed his wife. He doesn’t approve my time off and often pulls the whole “well we have to get X done before I’ll approve that.” He moves slower than a snail and insists I sit in his office while he works. It’s so awful that I’ve almost fallen asleep because of it before. He stares at people with this look on his face that feels like he wants to kill you. Once when he looked at me that way I finally snapped and just went “what!?” to which he replied, “I just look at people like that, I can’t help it.” Uhhh yes you fucking can you stupid boomer. You can work on yourself and the way you present to others. It’s called self improvement. He also takes one day a week off every week under the guise of being sick. Like dude, I wonder why you take every Monday off. Also, when i take a day off sick he announces it to the entire company. He sends out an email to our nearly 50 workers letting them know I’ll be out today because I’m sick. LET MY BUSINESS BE MY BUSINESS. He’s the slowest most incompetent accountant I’ve ever seen and I hate everything about him. When we lost my old boss (who was an angel and honestly the manifestation of Jesus in his work ethic and outward look) my new boss insisted we didn’t need any extra help in the department. Guess what? We haven’t even fucking finalized our financial statements from OCTOBER. OCTOBER?!? ITS DECEMBER. ALMOST THE END. WE HAVENT FINISHED OCTOBER YET. IM DROWNING IN THE INCOMPETENCE. He has gone bankrupt like 5 times and the company I work for still thinks it’s a good hire? The dude can’t handle his own finances, what makes you think he can handle someone else’s???? I mentioned his smell right? He reeks. He smells like he hasn’t showered in days and everywhere he walks it follows. He comes and stands in my cubicle for a second and it stinks up the entire space to the point that I’ve now kept a bottle of frbreeze at my desk that I spray once he’s left. AND IT STILL DOESNT GET RID OF THE SMELL.

Rant over. I want to die. Thanks.

Now back to our regularly scheduled content.

Ego, Obsession and Fear.

I dont like twitter 'cause it limits my text so much and I'm the kind who likes to write LONG paragraphs , but I'll do my best to sum it up.

I'm also revealing a bunch about myself, but I feel it might be healthier for me to be honest about this than to keep it all to myself, and it will also hopefully help folks understand my strange behaviour.

A lot of folks have been wondering where I've been and why havent I replied to anything lately at all, and to put it simply, a HUGE part of it is because of the unhealthy ways I’ve been accustomed to relate myself to folks.

When I was younger, besides my cousins, I had only 3 close friends. One of them I hung out with at school, the other on weekends, and the other every few months and sometimes years. I loved them all very much, and I was INMENSELY happy that way.

But as soon as I discovered the internet and Art communities, I started to expand my social life and circles a TON. I started meeting LOTS of wonderful people. So many wonderful folk who I love very dearly.

I’m not gonna lie, i have a BIT of an ego and I like to give GREAT impressions to folks. I like making people feel happy and loved and cared for. And one of my fav ways to do that has always been to surprise them by drawing or things for them. I always did this for fun!

And I still do, although nowadays I tend to do this SPECIALLY after I havent talked to them in a LONG time because it was a way for me to say with sincerity “I’m sorry for the belated reply. I remember you, and I genuenly still care for you!”. And of course, on their birthday, I'd always have a Birthday gift ready for them! And if not, I'd do my best to make one eventually, even if it's days, weeks, or even months later.

I did this ALL THE TIME back in the day, when I lived with my parents, jobless, so I had a LOT of free time, fewer friends, my art was simpler and less detailed.

But now I have to bills pay, I’ve made a TON of great friends, friends who have helped me, inspired me, and who I REALLY, Genuenly love and care about a LOT. My art has improved and is a lot more detailed. And thanks to all of them, I have now a job. A GREAT Job that I’m Extremely thankful for.

But I am Still Really Badly Obsessed with keeping things the way they used to be. It’s like my brain wont allow me to communicate with people unless I have something to show, something for me to be able to express to them that I care.

It happens most of the time, and it SPECIALLY happens with people who have done GREAT things for me, support my art and job, offer me wonderful or unforgetable experiences, saved me from trouble and harm, or keep me sane by listening to what I have to say. Folks who I appreciate a LOT. And Even MORE when I havent talked to them in a long time. Weeks, sometimes Months, and occassionally Years. In those cases I just CANNOT deny them the gift of a doodle in order to show them my appreciation.

And I dont do its out of any obligation by the way. NONE of my friends ask me to draw for them. None. They all genuenly respect me and my time and understand it takes time and effort, thought and energy to draw and dedicate to them. It’s not their fault. I just genuenly love to surprise folks out of my own personal desire. I LOVE surprising and rewarding folks I appreciate. But I think I might have reached my limit.

I’m probably one of the most introverted people you’ll EVER know. And I’ve reached that point where my "anti-social energy" has drained so low that now, and because of my job, which involves art, (which also means isolating myself a LOT of the time in order to concentrate,) I just have no energy or time to catch up to everything and everyone.

Yet I still have this mental fight and struggle againts giving up almost every day.

“All your friends in the past have had the advantage of getting art from you for years. Why are you denying that same happyness to folks you've recently met? what about new people you meet from now on? That’s not fair to them! In Fact you should be thanking these people even MORE! They’re PAYING for your Independence, which is something you’ve been looking for SINCE FOREVER!!”

And I Fight and struggle and fight. Its like I try to be this justice warrior that wants everyone to be the SAME happy no matter who they are as long as they help me and support me.

And I am AWFUL at dealing with it in a reasonable manner. All throughout my life I've always loved to give it my all. My favourite thing is for good people to be rewarded with happyness. With a climax. And If someone is left out, Then It’s like I’ve failed. If I cant give it my all, to everyone, then I shouldn't even bother trying. That my time and efforts arent worth it, because they arent fair to everyone around me.

It’s basically either everyone gets happyness, or everybody has to wait, no matter how long, until they ALL can get it. all at ONCE. (There's sometimes some exceptions, but most of the time my brain/feelings DEMAND me to go "ALL or NOTHING" .)

And I’m very aware what I want is legit Impossible, and that all of this is a really bad obsession and most likely a mental problem of some sort that I’ve developped and fed over the years. I might probably need actual professional help, but What makes me happy is that I dont have to blame anyone other than myself. All my friends and family have shown (and still show) genuine care, support and respect for me in this aspect and I appreciate them so much for it. And that actually helps. I'm NOT an abuse victim of any kind. This is all on me and my own brain and ego, and It's on me to change that.

And I just have to figure out how to deal with this. I probably just have to start behaving like a normal human being and understand and respect my limits and lower my ego a bunch.

I love to think of myself as being this special thing destined to mass produce happyness and satisfaction everywhere I go (which is how I've seen myself for literally half of my entire life). But I have to give it all up and look for other ways to achieve something close to it without draining myself dry. I bet most folks would already be more than happy to just hear about my whereabouts through text.

It's just really hard because of fear. Fear of becomming the opposite of that.

I'm afraid that folks will be dissapointed by this change. By not being "as good as I used to be" anymore... by becoming "normal". To stop working on birthday gifts for everyone from now on, and simply say "Happy birthday!" on time in stead.

I just want to be productive again. If I focus too much on individuals, I'll never be able to reach the masses. I LOVE making ALL of my friends happy, but I also want to help make the world a better place. And for that, I also need my own time and energy too. I wouldnt want anyone to go through what ive been going through, to end up obsessed, paranoid, anxious or depressed over me for small details. I'd rather my friends and family do their own thing and be happy doing it, wether I'm included or not. And I believe it's only fair if I offered myself the same deal.

I want to stop being afraid to be a "Lesser" person. I'm just a human being. Well maybe a bit of a cat, but mostly MOSTLY human. Haha.

Thank you for reading.

-Oi

Sinful Sunday

AN: Alright everyone, here it is this week, and I just gotta say that they all are VERY sinful this week so go crazy lol. I do have a taglist for this now, so if you want added just let me know! (Also ik this is super early, but it is almost 3 am and I stayed up late writing these, and skipped a THOT and I just wanna wake up to validation)

Sinful Sunday Masterlist

Pairings: Captain Rex x Reader, Commander Wolffe x Reader, Boba Fett x Reader, SUB!Din Djarin x Reader

Rex was finally home on leave after months of being away on missions and leading men into dangerous battles. After being separated for so long it was hard to believe that you were actually cuddled up to him with his chest to your back watching a movie in your living room. The movie that was playing had been some movie that released while Rex had been away and he had specifically requested to watch, saying he thought it looked good. But here you were, neither of you paying attention to the movie, at all. It had started innocently, Rex just running his hand along your hip and thigh as he actually watched the movie. But it was very obvious that the touches didn't stay innocent long no matter how much he tried to fake it. Soon his hand started moving its path more towards your inner thigh, then higher up your inner thigh, high enough that with each pass he brushed softly against your clothed core. It wasn't until Rex was working his hand into your sweats and panties that you grabbed his hand and groaned out, "You wanted to watch this." Rex replied almost immediately, and in a whispered, almost needy, tone right in your ear, "Sorry darling, but I just can't help myself, I havent seen you in so long." And with that he pushed his hand out of your grip and slid his fingers right through you wet lips, brushing over your clit making you whine, and shoving his fingers as deep as possible into you, drawing out a gasp of his name from your lips. Rex only took enough time to groan about how wet and warm you were before he started fingering you like his life depended on it. As always Rex knew where to hit inside of you to bring you the most pleasure, and as he did he kissed and sucked on your neck. As Rex's fingers sped up you couldn't help but to grind down against his palm and when your clit was pressed into his palm you couldn't stop the shout that passed you lips, and you could feel the smirk that spread across Rex's face when you did. You felt yourself get closer and closer to your peak, and as Rex felt you start to tighten on his fingers he made sure that with every grind of your hips your were rubbing your clit on his palm. It took you no time at all to reach down and grab his hand over your clothes as you moaned out his name and came explosively all over his hand. When you finally caught your breath, you looked over your shoulder to look Rex in the eyes, only to find them blown wide in lust and him growling, "I hope you're ready, because I am far from done with you, darling."

Moderb!Captain Rex x Reader

So this THOT bloomed from the idea of Modern AU Captain Rex, who is still a captain in the army so you rarely get to see him because he is active duty.....

The first time the two of you actually had sex you had been surprised when Wolffe had buried his teeth into you shoulder as he came. You hadn't brought it up after, especially considering he hadn't broken any skin and only left teeth marks and a decent bruise that you would run your fingers over in the coming days while he was away on a mission. After that the bites and nips started happening more often, and you couldn't help but enjoy the feeling and the colorful marks he left for you that reminded you of him while he was gone. Neither of you brought it up, but it was obvious that both of you enjoyed it.

Commander Wolffe x Reader

Okay so another clone boi is getting a THOT this week and it is the sexy and grumpy Wolffe and his biting kink that he soooo has and I refuse to believe otherwise......

It wasn't until after a particularly long mission that when he was getting ready to go down on you, you gently pulled his hair to pull him away from you. And while avoiding eye contact you mumbled out asking him to bite and leave marks all over your thighs, and well, Wolffe didn't need to be told twice. Immediately feeling list flow through his veins Wolffe praised whatever deity was out there for giving him the perfect significant other, and went to town. Wolffe liked and gave soft nips to one thigh first before kissing a spot by your inner thigh and following it quickly with his teeth. He repeated that action two more times on that thigh before switching to the other one and starting the whole process over again. By the time wilffe was finished both of your thighs were covered in marks that were already bruising and you were a squirming mess. Wolffe, running out of patience and just wanting to fuck you silly and leave a few more marks an your shoulders, stood quickly and slammed into you with a grunt.

You were honestly kind of suprised that you managed to get Boba to sit on the edge of the bed and agree to him letting you pleasure him for once. But now, as you kneeled between his thighs, with his thick cock standing tall in front of your face you wondered where you should even begin. And what was making it worse was that Boba was watching your every move intently. You gingerly reached out and wrapped a hand around the base of his cock, noting that your fingers didn't even wrap around completely because he was so thick, and then you leaned forward and gave the head a small kitten lick that dragged a small grunt from Boba. Feeling a bit more confident you wrapped your lips entirely around the tip and sucked and ran your tongue around it and over his slit, which is what cause Boba to tangle his fingers in your hair and pull slightly, grumbling about no teasing. Smirking, you pull back and spit in your palm before wrapping your hand around his base again and start moving your hand up and down at a nice steady pace. Then you smile up at him before leaning back down and swallowing as much of his cock down your thoat as possible, which wasn't as much as you would have liked. Boba cursed, and you could feel his hips twitch wanting to thrust up bjt he held back. Then you went to work bobbing your head and pumping your hand in time, while curving your tongue along the under side of his cock. You stayed at this pace, occasionally pulling off for air, before plunging him down your throat again. At some point you look up to meet his gaze at the same time you cup his balls and that's when you saw his resolve break. With a curse Boba's hand in you hair tighten more than you thought possible and he apologized quietly before lifting his hips to start fucking your mouth and throat. It didn't take long at all before you felt his cock twitch and balls tight, before he pulled out so his head was the only thing still in your mouth and he spilled everything, completely filling your mouth and some dribbling out with the spit trailing your chin and neck.

Boba Fett x Reader

And because my head is full of THOTS for Boba, here is a tiny THOT that is literally just giving Boba some head....

You weren't sure how you got into this situation entirely, but maker you were so turned on by this turn of events. The original plan had been to only put the strap on and give Din everything he had ever given you and more. But the second you put the strap on this time, you instantly went into a power trip, and from the way you had Din on his knees licking and sucking on the plastic cock you were currently sporting, well you think it would be safe to say that he too was enjoying the turn of events. Gripping onto his hair you tsked at him and made him look you in the eyes, "Oh, pretty boy, if you are gonna suck my cock, you're gonna have to do it right. Open up for me." The second he did you groaned at his obedience and you cooed out good boy, before slowly starting to slide the dildo into his mouth, you gave him a few shallow thrusts,  before slowly and steadily pushing the entire thing down his throat, which him only gagging once. You groaned and gripped his hair telling him, "Kriff, you're such a good boy, why don't you suck this cock for a minute and then I'll fuck you like I promised." As you spoke you saw his own cock twitch between his thighs before he started bobbing slowly on the strap. Like you promised, it only took about a minute before you got impatient and pulled him off and you leaned down to kiss his forehead and told him to climb onto the bed and lay down.

Din Djarin x Reader

Haha, did I hear more Sub!Din? No, well too bad, here's some filthy Din getting pegged.....

You quickly followed and kneeled between his thighs, throwing one leg over your shoulder and keeping the other on you hip as you pressed into Din slowly and watched his eyes close and forehead wrinkle up in pleasure. Once you were fully inside you praised him for taking you so well and rewarded him by pumping his weeping cock a few times, which resulted in a long groan and a choked, "please!" Abliging him you started giving small harsh thrusts, circling you hips, and trying to find the spot that made him moan your name so sweetly. The second you hit his prostate you knew because he did just that and you drilled into him while smirking and watching the flush flow across his face, ears, neck, and chest. The sight was beautiful and hot and you told him just that, which pulled a whine from him as he turned his head and buried it in the pillow. You spent alot of time at this pace and angle praising him and pouring as much pleasure into Din as possible, but then he brokenly whimpered out your name and a "please...moOore." Smiling you lean down to his ear and say, "Only because you asked so nicely, pretty boy." And you pulled almost completely out of him before slamming back in, and you grabbed his angrily red cock and started pumping it in time with your thrusts. Din didn't stand a chance to hold out much longer and after a handful of quick thrusts and pumps he was cumming all over you hand with a shout as you continued to rail into his prostate to drag out his pleasure. When you were satisfied that you couldn't give him anymore, you gently laid down his legs on the bed, and slowly and carefully pulled out of him, before standing up intent on cleaning him up so the two of you could cuddle peacefully.

Taglist: @ollovaemisc @googiebeankat @shellyc9 @vikingqueen28 @altarsw @rosegoldarti @groovinomicon @jessaminejaylinnreaper @randomfangir12718 @moodsare @virgil-nonbinary @embonbon @meabravo @joculatrices @evensisacaption @saveatruckrideoptimusprime @hayley-the-comet @blackmarketmummy @callme-eds @fuckyeahbeskar (crossed out names are ones I couldn't tag, sorry!)

many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!! 

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3. 

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest. 

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof. 

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!! 

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’. 

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring. 

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3 

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3 

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3 

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_; 

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(. 

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess! 

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that. 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!). 

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3 

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

Flirt ~ Shinsō Hitoshi (BNHA)

Requested By: --

A/N: this'll be a series but my dear gremlins... pray to a god that ill actually follow through the fucking outline i have written and have the motivation to write because lmao

also, wowowow bnha yall? and here i thought i outgrew my weeb phase but guess not! now, dont spoil me shit please because i still have no clue what the fuck is happening in the fandom since i havent touched any anime for fucking months (well, except me watching four episodes of free! two weeks ago but shhhhhh) so dont fucking be cunt to spoil, yeah? lmao thanks and enjoy this shit ajsvdjskdbjsb

fun fact, this was supposed to be only 500-800 words but GUESS WHO GOT TOO INTO THIS SHIT AND WRITTEN 3600 PLUS WORDS YALL?!?!?!?!?

Flirt | Flirt 2 | Flirt 3

─────────────────

Hitoshi let out a tired sigh leaving his lips as he shoves his hands on the pockets of his hoodie. A frown on his lips as he tried to hide his face inside the purple scarf wrapped around his neck, hiding away from the cold breeze passing by.

It was a cold day, that can be said and Hitoshi wished to just stay in his warm bed while being cocooned with his comforters and blankets to keep him from suffering the cold air of January while sleeping probably until noon, if he was lucky that is and not have his mom wake him up. Sadly, Hitoshi was asked by his one (and only) friend to meet up and hang out and the indigo haired knew that no matter how many times he flat out disagrees, the [Hair color] haired male always was a stubborn one. And once he makes up his mind, he'll drag Hitoshi along with him.

"This better be worth it," Hitoshi grumbled as he was still angry to leave the comforts of his bed and warm room to be outside with the January air being cold and having no clue where he was. With a sigh, Hitoshi remembered how [Name], his friend, basically begged him to accompany him to the new cafe that opened. Hitoshi would have flat out reject the [Hair color] haired male if it wasn't for [Name]'s four words he uttered yesterday.

It was a cloudy, Friday morning. The first period was over and each class has a ten minute break before the next teacher comes in to discuss whatever subject they had planned for the young minds of each of their classes. Hitoshi distinctly remembered that the next period teacher was absent for today and with that knowledge, the indigo haired male decided to spend the ten minute break and aswell as the next period doing something important. Sleeping.

The indigo haired male suffered from the lack of sleep. With his hectic sleep schedule and insomia just kicking in, Hitoshi has limited amount of sleep and it can be known with the large bags underneathe his eyes. It doesn't help that he had to finish some homework his teachers had pilled up to them. So, Hitoshi decided he'll sleep than study or chatter with his classmates like the others are currently doing. The indigo haired male let out a sigh and he positioned himself to be comfortable on his seat and plopped his arms on his desk and was about to slam his head onto his arms when a loud bang echoed inside the room.

Due to the loud noise, it made a lot of students shriek in fear and stopped whatever they were doing and snapped their heads on where the loud noise was heard. The loud bang they heard was from door of the classroom slammed open with so much forced that some pondered how the hinges of the door was still intact. But what everyone focused was the figure stood there, clad in the familiar clothing of the male's uniform of the school although the uniform was now wrinkled here and there and the student's hair was messy and all over. His hand was gripping the doorknob tightly as the student was panting harshly and gasping for air, indicating that he had did something to actd that way, and everyone knew it was running.

"HITOSHI!!!" The figure screamed when be had gathered his bearings and immediately, everyone recognized that it was none other than the school's resident ray of sunshine, [Name] [Last name].

[Name] stood tall and proud when he finished gasping for air. Wiping the sweat off his forehead as he sent a beaming smile to everyone as he frantically looked around the room but then his gaze directed to the said male he screamed their name out.

"Hito-chan!" [Name] had happily called out to the indigo haired male as skipped inside the indigo haired male's classroom. Not minding the lively chatter that comtinued before he interrupted from the other students that were still inside the room nor the way their eyes following him approaching the indigo haired male that everyone enjoyed to avoid like the plague. As [Name] was close, he immediately threw himself to Hitoshi and hugged the male who gave him an unimpressive stare with his actions.

"Let's go out together this saturday!" [Name] suggested as he smiled at his friend who he felt slumped on his arms, clearly lazy and tired. "I found this new cafe and I think you'll like this one!" He had happily said as Hitoshi grunted on his arms.

"No," Hitoshi bluntly disagreed and shoved [Name] away from him. Hitoshi's surprising actions made [Name] let out a yelp and almost stumbled back. It doesn't help that the realization hit him on the indigo haired male's answer, he frowned for a second but then jumped back to his childish attitude. Hitoshi did not mind his friend's sputtering on his answer as he prompted his arms on his desk and placed his head on them. "And stop calling me that!" Hitoshi grunted as he closed his eyes as the indigo haired male wanted to sleep for a bit before the break was over.

"Huh?!? But why?!?" [Name] pouted and whined as he looked at Hitoshi. The indigo haired male let out a groan when he felt the [Hair color] haired male shake him by the shoulders.

"Hito-chan! Don't just sleep on me!" [Name] whined to his indigo haired friend in annoyance. "Tell me why!"

Hitoshi grumbled incoherent words to himself as he raised his head and opened his eyes to glare at his friend who still was shaking his shoulders. "Stop being immature, idiot," Hitoshi grumbled ad he rolled his eyes at his friend's childish and immature actions on puffing his cheek and crossing his arms over his chest, acting like a toddler being mad.

"Am not!" [Name] grumbled as he then pouted. "Why are you such a meanie, Hito-chan... and answer my question!" He whined as Hitoshi rolled his eyes again. Christ, why was he friends with [Name] again? Who even says meanie as an insult anymore other than four and five years old?

"Because I said so," came Hitoshi's blunt answer which made the [Hair color] haired male whine louder. [Name] frowned as he looked at Hitoshi who did not paid mind to him and was about to lay his head on his arms again to try and sleep.

"Come on Hito-chan!" [Name] had begged as he drop down on his knees and kneeled down beside sitting form of his best friend. His hand cupped together in front him as he gave his best puppy dog eyes to his indigo haired best friend who didn't even looked at him. "Please, Hitoshi?" He begged, using Hitoshi's proper name and not the one he calls to the indigo haired male. "I promise you'll enjoy this one!" [Name] pleaded.

Hitoshi narrowed his purple eyes and took a glance at his [Hair color] haired friend who was still in the floor, kneeling and trying to coerce him with his puppy dog eyes that was definitely NOT working. Hitoshi sighs as his ears picked up the sound of chattering surrounding him. 'Right, we're still in class... this is so embarrassing...' Hitoshi grumbled on his thoughts as he closed his eyes.

"Please Hitoshi!" [Name] shouted when the indigo haired male was too silent for his liking. As the [Hair color] haired male stayed there on the ground, not moving from his kneeling position. Hitoshi thought over his words on hanging out together on Saturday. After a few more seconds, Hitoshi finally made his final decision.

"No," came Hitoshi's final and blunt reply. Still unchanging despite the [Hair color] male's efforts on pleading and begging for him to consider.

"Hitoshi!" [Name] cried out as he whined at the indigo haired male who went back to placing his head on his arms to get some sleep.

"I'll pay for everything!" [Name] had said. It seemed like those were the magic words as he saw the indigo haired male crack one eye open to look at him. There was a hum from the tired male as [Name] begged to whatever deities listening to him currently that they would give him some good karma and bless him to have his friend accompany him.

As [Name] begged some higher beings to make the indigo haired male reconsider his answer, Hitoshi thought about it again. Was it worth waking up early to meet up with the [Hair color] haired male? Was it worth not getting some much needed sleep just to hang out with this male who Hitoshi swore doesn't know what quietness or silence is?

"... fine..." Hitoshi grumbled out his agreement as what is more better than food? Free food and Hitoshi will make sure the [Hair color] haired male will have an empty wallet after tomorrow. Hitoshi saying his agreement had closed his eyes again and tried to get some sleep. Not minding [Name] immediately stood up from his kneeling position and fist pumped the air while screaming "yeah!" in excitement.

Hitoshi sighs as he stopped walking and looked around the area he was in. The indigo haired frowned and looked at the sky in annoyance, he then looked back around again and tried to remember if he was in the right place on where his [Hair color] haired friend was supposed to join him to take him to the cafe he was obsessing on taking Hitoshi there. Tapping his shoe in annoyance at the pavement, Hitoshi let out a tired sigh as he then took his phone out from his hoodie's pocket and unlocked it. Pressing on the massaging icon, the indigo haired male immediately pressed the very top of the messages with the familair name displayed and he began typing, rather annoyedly as he did.

TO: Idiot (◕ω◕✿)

FROM: Hito-chan♡ (눈_눈)

where are you?

[08:22 AM]

Hitoshi typed and sent it when done as he stood and looked arpund again. He was standing in the sidewalk from a busy street where people, young and old walk around and minding their own business. On some occasions, Hitoshi would see some people with unique quirks. The indigo haired male had to hold his sjort when he saw a businessman with a head shaped like a cactus. As Hitoshi looked around and waited for his [Hair color] haired friend, his phone vibrated on his hand. His screen lit up, indicating it recieved something to have its user be notified. And the indigo haired male saw the sender's name which made Hitoshi let out a tired sigh.

Idiot (◕ω◕✿) sent (3) messages

Hitoshi opened his inbox and tapped the most recent messages that he received and the indigo haired male saw what his friend had replied. If he can, Hitoshi would have liked to slap [Name] when he saw the messages.

TO: Hito-chan♡ (눈_눈)

FROM: Idiot (◕ω◕✿)

IM SORRY FOR BEING LATE HITOSHI!!! .·´¯'(>□<)´¯'·

[08:27 AM]

I OVERSLEPT AND I HAD TO FEED TOSHI \(๑>д<๑)/

[08:27 AM]

DONT WORRY IM ON THE TRAIN GOING THERE ASDFGHJKLL ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ

[08:28 AM]

The indigo haired male stared at his screen for a moment as he then raised one of his hand and slapped it on his forehead. "My God... [Name]..." Hitoshi grumbled underneath his breathe as he began to type his reply.

TO: Idiot (◕ω◕✿)

FROM: Hito-chan♡ (눈_눈)

hurry up idiot

[08:32 AM]

or else im leaving

[08:33 AM]

After sending those two text, Hitoshi immediately gotten a reply and he didn't have to look at the screen of his phone which displayed the messages to know that his [Hair color] haired friend was whining at him on being a 'meanie' and begging him not to ditch [Name].

Not a few seconds later, Hitoshi's phone vibrated. The indigo haired let out an annoyed grunt as he tap the green icon to receive the call from [Name] as he then placed the phone on his ear. Hitoshi winced and had to hurriedly pull his phone away from his ear with how loud [Name] was on the other line.

"HITO-CHAN!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!!" [Name] cried out on the indigo haired male's phone. Hitoshi had to gather his bearings from the [Hair color] haired male's voice. Hitoshi swore that [Name] sometimes had that loud pro-hero's voice, Present Mic. Both being incredibly loud and their voices goes annoying real fast.

"HITO-CHAN PLEASE WAIT FOR ME!!! IM ALMOST THERE!!!" Hitoshi let out series of grumbles as he listened to [Name] beg for him to wait. Hitoshi wonders why he even bother with his friend. Looking around, Hitoshi noticed he was getting some looks, from judgmental, curious to annoyed ones. It made the indigo haired embarrassed.

"Keep quiet," Hitoshi hissed as he felt heat creeping in on his cheeks from the looks of passersby he was getting from the loud [Hair color] haired male on his phone. "I'll wait but just... shut up, idiot," Hitoshi grumbled as he heard [Name] thanked him profusely on the other line. The indigo haired male rolled his eyes at his friend's attitude and had to stop himself from snorting when he heard [Name] getting scolded on the other line from how loud he was. 'Idiot...'

"A-ah! I'm so sorry for the disturbance!" Hitoshi heard his [Hair color] haired friend apologize. There was another voice piping on the other line aswell as shuffling. The indigo haired wondered where his friend was. 'He said he was close?' Hitoshi thought. 'But he also said that he was still in the train...'

Hitoshi was about to end the call when [Name] continued talking, more quietly than before. "Hey, Hito-chan?" [Name] had called out. The said male hummed to show he was listening as Hitoshi looked around the area again to see people walking pass by him.

"Yeah?"

"I... well..." Hitoshi raised his brow at his friends uncharacteristic hesitation but the indigo haired nale did not mind. The indigo haired male knew that [Name] always goes head first in situations and did not think about it. Hitoshi found that attitude of his to be stupid really but [Name] was [Name], and his friend always gets it in the end. "Thank you for being my friend..."

Hitoshi paused. Gripping his phone tightly, there was a smile on his lips as he rolled his eyes at the [Hair color] haired male's words.

"Yeah... sure... whatever, idiot..."

Hitoshi looked at the time on his phone and let out an annoyed sigh when he saw it was twenty-two minutes after [Name] had called him and ended the call with the [Hair color] haired male promising he was close by already.

'Yeah right... close my ass...' Hitoshi thought as he bit his bottom. The male was still not here and it made Hitoshi regretted leaving his bed more than ever. 'At least he should've have the decency to come in time...'

Hitoshi swears that when he sees his friend, he'll slap the [Hair color] haired male for being late. The indigo haired male knew that he will make his friend buy the most expensive stuff in this cafe they were going so [Name] will regret inviting him and being late. But either way, Hitoshi liked watching the cars and people passed by, the indigo haired male just wished it wasn't so goddamn cold and that he was actually sitting than standing like a dumbass in the middle of the sidewalk as he waited for his friend.

Looking at his phone again, Hitoshi decided to pass the time by playing games on his phones. It was already twenty-six minutes since the call and despite [Name] assuring him that he'll be there, he still wasn't and Hitoshi did not want to think what made his friend so late. He knew [Name] always had a terrible skills in time management. The [Hair color] haired male can either be ten minutes early or twenty minutes late, there is no inbetween and the indigo haired male wished [Name] was the former for atleast this outing but it seemed like lady luck was not on his side. Well, when was she always on his side? She never was as he grew up anyways. Having born with a villaino--

"HITO-CHAN!!!"

"GAH!!!" Hitoshi almost dropped his phone and would have been thrown to the ground if he had not steadied himself on time. That still not prevented the indigo haired male to be scared out of his wits and a frightened scream leaving his lips when he felt a body colliding behind him aswell as weight distributed on his back and arms wrapped around his neck, tighly.

"Hito-chan!" The said male let out quiet curses as he turned to look behind him to see the male he was waiting shining him a beaming smile. "Hito-chan! Im so glad you didn't ditch me," [Name] had said as he nuzzled his face on the other male's cheek.

Hitoshi felt his face burned in embarrassment from his best friend's affectionate gesture. And not to mention [Name] was being so close to him in public. Hitoshi's cheeks were painted a light shade of pink flush as he turned his head the other way from his friend.

"I almost did..." Hitoshi muttered as [Name] guffawed at his answer with his [Eye color] eyes widen from Hitoshi's words. "Now... g-get off me idiot!" Hitoshi had exclaimed as he tried to push his friend away but [Name] whined at him.

"Hito-chan!" The [Hair color] haired whined in a childish way. "Don't be mean!"

"Idiot! Just-- get off me! It's embarrassing," Hitoshi retorted as the [Hair color] haired male pouted but complied with his words. Not without one last whine about the indigo haired male being so cold towards him which amde Hitoshi roll his eyes at his words.

"Whatever..." Hitoshi had said as he adjusted the scarf of his neck and avoided his [Hair color] haired friend's eyes as [Name] turned to look at him with a bright smile.

"Here you go Hito-chan!" The [Hair color] haired male had pushed a white plastic bag towards the indigo haired male's chest. His actions made Hitoshi turned to look at him with surprise on his face as he took the bag. [Name] still had that smile on his lips as he looked at Hitoshi.

"What... what's this?" Hitoshi asked, confused as he looked down on the white blastic bag on his hand. Hitoshi heard [Name] awkwardly laughed as the [Hair color] haired male rubbed the nape of his neck. If Hitoshi would have looked, he would have saw the soft pink flush on [Name]'s [Skin color] cheeks.

"Ah, well..." [Name] had started as he awkwardly coughed onto his fist. "I knew I would be really late so I... kinda decided to stop at this small shop near here to buy you an apology gift..." He had explained as Hitoshi looked up towards him again then back at the bag. [Name] flashed Hitoshi a grin, silently urging his indigo haired friend to see what's inside the plastic. "Hope you'll like it Hito-chan."

Hitoshi opened the plastic and had one of his hand to reached inside. There was something small and round. That's what Hitoshi had felt and with curiosity swallowing him whole, the indigo haired male pulled it out. Hitoshi couldn't help but softly smile. On his hand, it was a small keychain. The keychain was shaped like a cat with its paint being purple and had a droppy eyes. There was a small mischievous grin on the cat's face as it stood in two legs while one of its paw was raised to signify it was waving. Oddly enough, Hitoshi thought the small cat was to signify it was him.

"When I saw that... it kinda reminded me of you..." [Name] confessed.

[Name]'s comment made Hitoshi feel something inside. It was sweet, Hitoshi could not lie as he looked at the purple cat keychain on his hand. His [Hair color] haired friend thought of him when he bought this. Maybe he'll not rob [Name] off of his money for being late when they get to this cafe. It made Hitoshi feel happy--

"I mean... it had Hito-chan's tired, grinning face!" Scratch that. [Name] was still the dumbass that he was and the indigo haired male is going to order every expensive stuff to leave him broke.

Hitoshi turned to look at [Name] and would start to nag the [Hair color] haired male's ear off when the male had reached down and took his unoccupied hand and began to walk away, dragging Hitoshi with a smile on his face.

"Now, come on Hito-chan!" [Name] had said. His tone excited and happy as he looked forward and not looking at Hitoshi who walked behind him, a bit dumbfounded from his actions on just dragging him along. "The cafe is a few blocks away from here!"

"You could've had sent me the damn address so I could've waited inside..." Hitoshi bit his bottom lip and rolled his eyes. He tightly held the keychain on his hand as he caught up to his friend's pace.

Now, the indigo haired male walked side by side with the [Hair color] haired male who if Hitoshi would've looked, the indigo haired male would have saw the soft smile on his lips and a pink hue on his cheeks as they walked together towards the direction of the cafe in [Name]'s lead, hand in hand. And if [Name] would've looked at Hitoshi, the [Hair color] haired male would have saw Hitoshi held a small soft smile on his lips.

─────────────────

NEXT >

Simply, Yours. (5)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: family AU, hapkido teacher AU

Word count: 3.1K

Warnings: cursing

a/n: Finally I am updating this little story! I havent updated it in a long while for which I apologise, it wasnt my intention :( But there will be a slight twist in their “planned” pregnancy so... I cant wait to have a little fun 😁  I am always eager to hear your opinions.🙌 Stay safe!

MASTERLIST

PARTS: 1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5

This time, Baekhyun was the first one to be awake. Stirring a little bit around, he turned to his right side where your back was facing him, your hair splayed out on the pillow like a wild willow tree.

Scurrying a little closer, he brought his pillow to yours, his arm finding your sweet middle as he breathed in your fresh scent. He really liked moments like these, when the sun had yet to rise, the clock had yet to struck 6 and  you had yet to wake up, while he could just indulge in looking at you without being interrupted by anything or anyone.

Plus, the fact that few days had already passed since both you and him found out about your state did not mean he got used to the idea of suddenly three people occupying this bed. What a miracle, he thought. What a blessing.

Baekhyun carefully maneuvered himself out of the bed, his feet gently tapping on the wooden floor as he tiptoed to your side to turn off your alarm clock. He wanted to be the one to surprise you and wake you up with healthy breakfast in bed before both of you would have to head out to your work places.

Today he had a hapkido class with university students and as much as he loved the class, he just wanted to spend time with you.

He was just in the middle of pouring thick and rich pumpkin porridge into the last bowl when he heard you open the bedroom door.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing up so early?” you murmured, your voice low and heavy. “Sorry, it seems like I forgot to turn on the alarm clock. I would have done the breakfast myself,” you continued walking to his side to take the big pot out of his hand so that you could do it instead of him.

Baekhyun continued his job, not budging once at your prying hands. “Why are you up if your alarm clock didn't go off? I worked so hard this morning to turn off your alarm, and yet here you are beating the nature clock.”

“You turned off my alarm?” you asked, surprised.

“Of course I did!” exclaimed Baekhyun, as he put the pot back down on the stove and reached for the drawer to take out two spoons. “Now go back to bed, we have a breakfast to eat and you still owe me a face of surprise when I bring the food in,” he said, preoccupied with putting the bowls on the tray.

You held back the giggle that was threatening to spill at his antiques. “Alright, let me just pee real quick.”

By the time you were back, Baekhyun was bouncing on the bed, eagerly waiting for both of you to indulge in the hot porridge that was one of your favourites. You made sure to look completely taken aback when you sat down on the bed, giving him a loud peck on the cheek before making yourself comfortable. “You know this is the food we have after a hangover,” you murmured, taking a big spoonful and swallowing it in one.

“Oho, slow down, hungry cub. You will get a tummy ache if you eat so fast,” scolded Baekhyun gently, making you smile.

“Yes, chef.”

He gave you a wink. “And anyway. You love this porridge, might as well please your taste buds.”

You nodded, devouring a spoonful after another until you were done before him. And that rarely ever happened. “Done!”

he shook his head at you, trying to swallow the last bids of his porridge.

“Look at me! I rock today,” you laughed loudly when he pouted.

“It isn't fair,” he whined, putting down his spoon into now an empty bowl. “I am alone while you guys are two!”

Your laughter halted, melting into an endearing smile. Warmth spread through your insides. “I don't think its the matter yet,” you responded. “It has long way to grow for me to eat for two, you know?”

“No, it doesn't. It still counts.”

Rolling your eyes at him, you reached over the tray to mess up his bed hair. “Alright, whatever you say, mister. Still does not change the fact that I win for today, ha! And now, you better hurry, you need to be at the university in an hour!”

“First a kiss,” he demanded, crossing his arms on his chest.

Smiling, you pressed your lips to his warm ones, tasting the porridge. 

“Love you,” he murmured.

Once Baekhyun was out the door, you rushed to prepare for your work only to end up with your head in the toilet, throwing up all the porridge and more. 

____

You made it your absolute, utmost priority to keep your blessed state as far away from the workplace as possible. Not only was it all so fresh and new, but you also needed to wait till the first trimester was over to be 100% sure the pregnancy was safe and actually happening. Besides, you would lose your job immediately if your boss as much as whifs a baby around you. Thankfully, he was not the smartest man, as much as he insisted himself.

It only got proven when he called you into his office few days later, his meaty index finger pointing at the contract in front of him. It was a deal between yours and a Chinese company, but it was written in English. “I am sure there was a mistake on their side,” he mumbled, frustration slowly, but surely boiling in his facial features as he was gripping the piece of paper. He chuckled bitterly. “And they think I wouldnt find out? Just who do they think they are? I find out everything,” he seethed through gritted teeth as he suddenly snapped his eyes up at you, catching you off guard in the process.

You winced, taking a cautious step back, trying not to give too much attention to the meaning behind his words. “Sir, I believe this is correct,” you tried to explain gently, “the deal does not have any mistakes in English, we have already skimmed through it.”

He frowned. “But the calculations aren't correct. There should be one more zero.”

As calmly as you possibly could, you explained to him that he, indeed, bought much more than he actually thought. Making business was not always rainbows and unicorns, and today this fact seemed to dawn on your boss. “You were in a conference call last week,” you kept reminding him, “and because they offered you a good deal, you decided to buy more. Therefore you had to pay more, and we received less.”

He snatched the paper out of your small hands and gave you an ugly stare. “Whatever. I know my things,” he mumbled, turning his face back to the table.

“That is my job, sir.”

He whipped his head back at you again, but you only bowed at him politely, turning to walk out of his office when he started: “I still haven't scolded you for lying to me.”

Raising your head from your bow, you looked at him with worried eyes. “Lied to you, sir?”

He scoffed. “You lying about having a boyfriend was not the best move. Even if it is a white lie, I don't want any of it in my office. Nor in this company.”

You nodded, fully aware and guilty. You saw this coming sooner or later.

“And,” he started, giving you a side-look. “You plan on getting married?”

Holding back your breath, you knew you could reply to him truthfully. “No. Definitely not anytime soon anyway. As you know, it is a pricey matter.”

“Well, if you keep up the good work here, you might be able to save some money for such occasion,” he replied, his poker face giving you a slight unease. “Besides, I'm sure your handsome boyfriend would earn loads with that face of his.”

To that, you did not want to reply. Baekhyun, indeed, was a handsome man. This was a fact ever since you got to really know him back in the high school days, when he already graduated but still would sometimes visit your school for physical work around the building. The girls would be drooling and swooning in the big hallway windows during break, but he saved his handsome boyish smiles only for you,  always giving you a wink that would swoosh away the unwanted company of other girls.

When your boss realised he wouldn't get an answer from you, he ended the conversation on a very straight-forward note. “Whatever. Just don't get pregnant with him. Or anyone. No pregnancy in this company.”

-

It has been a few weeks later that the battle with the rollercoaster of your emotions had gone downward. There were still no direct signs of a small human being inside of you, but oh my goodness, were your hormones and emotions acting up. Tired of constantly puking your guts out on the morning, then rushing to work, dealing with the moody bastard of a boss, being either desperate for Baekhyun's touch or just plain hating his presence in the same room was driving you up the wall. 

Countless times you ended up bawling your eyes out in the bathroom in your work, or in the shower at home, because you didn't see a way out of this. Plus, the stress of accidentally revealing your pregnancy even to the ever-so-kind Sukyeong left you with a heavy soul. You needed to talk to someone of your age, you needed some help but your own independent self couldn't as much as think of such an option.

Another issue was scaring Baekhyun away from you and him leaving you alone in this mess that HE created… No, scratch that. Your slight change in weight made you feel so utterly unattractive that you were trying not to physically shudder whenever he complimented you about your looks. And the poor boy hadn't even a clue about your internal turmoil.

You sighed.

“You look freaking gorgeous, love.”

He said it again. And he meant it, he honestly did. You saw it in his eyes.

Being now almost past the first trimester, you and Baekhyun were both dressing up for your scheduled ultrasound at the doctor's. Although you were a bit nervous, you were thankful Baekhyun was always there throughout each check-up you had. And yet, here you were pissed at him, but you said nothing.

“Are you alright?” he asked you carefully, knowing how your mood could change within a nanosecond. He came closer to you as you were standing in front of the mirror you had in your tiny bedroom.

Swallowing harshly, you nodded, but did not look into his eyes. Ever so gently, through your tight dress, you saw a gentle baby bump. It could easily be covered up (and you did passionately cover it up for work) but it was there. Solid. A prove that it was real.

“Do we want to know the gender, honey?” asked Baekhyun gently, as he made another step closer to you and he let his hands hold your hips before his wide palms ever-so slowly slid over your stomach where he let them rest. Then his chin came resting on your shoulder as he turned his face to give you a gentle kiss to your neck.

You heart-rate picked up and it wasn't because of the high blood pressure you had been experiencing recently. “I don't know,” you whispered looking at him through the reflection in the mirror, “do we?”

This topic has been on your mind for the longest time. Do you want to be surprised? Or do you want to be prepared? Surely, in the nature of the village life, the answer would be an immediate: yes, we do want to know. Poor villagers always wanted certainty, and it was only understandable. But maybe this unpredictable city life of Seoul made you more adventurous. You might have not wanted to know.

He hummed, the vibrations in his chest sending electric shocks down your spine, causing you to squirm in his arms. He let out an amused laugh through his nose before he whispered into your ear: “So sensitive, my love.”

“You fucking tease,” you glowered, but leaned back into him.

He gasped softly and squeezed your body. “Now there, sweet cheeks, we do not swear with a baby inside of you.”

“Then stop teasing, love” you snapped back and he laughed now with an open mouth. “You know exactly what you are doing. You're sneaky.”

“Sure I am. You know me, hun. And now back to the point,” he emphasized, and you rolled your eyes but smiled anyways. “I don't mind if we get surprised. But if you want the gender to be revealed, I am supporting that as well.”

You nodded as you held his hands on your belly, letting your fingers caress the top of his knuckles. “Alright,” you said, nodding. “I think I will, ehm, see how I feel once we are there?”

He hummed in approval before he turned his head again, waiting for you to turn your face to see him. So you did. And then he gave you the sweetest smile of support before he leaned in and gave you a breathtaking kiss, ending it with a loud smack. “Shall we go then?”

-

Usually it was always an uncomfortable experience to sit in the waiting room of your doctor with other pregnant ladies. When you weren't pregnant, you felt so out of place, despite you having an active lovemaking life. That was why you were sitting there, right? Even at those times, Baekhyun was going with you, just because he wanted to be responsible and also to support you. He knew how much the village ladies didn't go for regular check-ups.

So now, sitting there with your tiny belly as your hands were intertwined with your boyfriend, it was a completely different feeling. You were still shy to as much as lie on that stupid chair, let alone spread your legs in front of a stranger - even though it was a woman and a doctor. But now it just felt right. You were eager. Excited. Happy. Curious. And Baekhyun felt your excitement as your knee was bouncing up and down. He was excited as well. The sparkle in his eyes was proving it.

Once finally inside, you both took a seat opposite your doctor, who gifted you with a kind smile as she also took a seat and skimmed through your papers. “The lovely couple I could never forget,” she noted, briefly looking at you and Baekhyun before diving back into your records. “And the unplanned baby. So!” she exclaimed, folding quickly the papers before she rested her laced hands down on the table. “Any abnormalities?” she looked at you, obviously expecting you to answer her questions.

Squeezing Baekhyun's hand under the table, you shrugged, not sure if what you were about to say was an abnormality. “Crazy mood swings. Emotions are a mess. Throwing up is still on, but thankfully not so often… And my boobs hurt,” you mumbled the last sentence, looking at your hand engulfed in Baekhyun's, a slight blush creeping up your cheeks. This time Baekhyun squeezed your hand, although you didn't notice the affectionate look he sent your way. You dared to look up when you heard the doctor laugh.

“Those are all completely normal signs. Is your blood pressure still acting up?” she asked and as she was waiting for your reply she turned in her chair and grabbed the little machine. “I will check it now.”

You nodded but Baekhyun answered for you. “She had a couple of dizzy moments, but it wasn't as severe.”

The doctor nodded and checked you up, writing down the final results. “It's normal today. But if it will get too high, you need to go to the hospital. You know that, right?”

Not the happiest with her advice, you nodded.

“Good,” she replied cheerfully. “Any questions before we start the ultrasound?”

You were just about to shake your head when your boyfriend cleared his throat, stopping you from doing the action. You gave him a wary look, and he squeezed your hand again when he spoke: “How is it with, eh, sex? As the baby is growing, we are not sure how far we can go or if we should even do it. And I wouldn't want to hurt my girlfriend or the baby...” he trailed off, his ears growing pink. You felt your heart swell with love for him as you smiled like a little high school student.

“Oh my god, please do have sex,” replied your doctor, her eyes worried as she gestured with her hand to you. “She might not be showing it, but the sexual frustration can get out of hand, to put it nicely,” she continued, her stance confident. “Paying attention to your pregnant lady is very important in every phase of pregnancy and it is completely safe. Of course, around the due date you might want to be more careful, however it does not necessarily affect the baby in any way, so there is no need to worry, Baekhyun. It is more than healthy,” she laughed loudly, making you and Baekhyun giggle in the meantime.

“Any more questions? No? Good! Then let's get to it,” she clapped her hands, swiftly getting up from her chair and walking to the bed where you lied down, now familiar with the process. Baekhyun was sitting on a chair just where your head was, and he ran his fingers through your hair, giving you a reassuring smile while you tried not wince at the cold gel touching your hot skin covering your stomach.

“So do we want to find out the gender?” she asked as she spread the gel evenly, now digging into your tummy while she was already looking at the screen.

You contemplated quickly but before you could answer the doctor cut through: “Or do you want to know how many babies you would have?” she asked, but her voice was light but a bit unfocused as she stared at the screen. 

Not seeing Baekhyun's frown, he asked: “What do you mean?”

It was silent for a little longer, your doctor going through the same trail on your belly again, probably to double check whatever she saw there. Letting out a tiny laugh, she turned to look at your puzzled looks. “Well, this is fantastic!” she exclaimed and for some strange reason you had a feeling this might not be the best news, nor the news you were expecting when you were coming there. So when she uttered the next words, you felt your world crumbling down on you, and this time you could be sure Baekhyun wasn't as confident either. “You are expecting triplets!”

Pain and Embarrassment pt 3

part of my family series

part 1

part 2

It had been 3 months since Ethan decided to ruin not only your relationship, but also the relationship he had with his kids. You had hardly spoken to him since you went out to California to be with your family. You had only called a few times to let him know that you would be back in time for the kids to start school in the fall.

There was so much he wanted to tell you, apologize for, but each time he tried either he couldnt find the words or you hung up before he got the chance to say anything. He had hardly talked to his kids these past months. Skylar and Connor wanted nothing to do with him. He expected as much from Connor, but Sky not wanting to talk to him hurt more than he thought it would. Everyone was handling this differently and coping the best they could.

The little girl who was his whole world from the moment she was born didnt want to talk to her dad. The one man she thought would never hurt her, the one she thought she could trust with her whole heart and would always be there was the one who just did the most damage. She couldnt understand how Ethan could have done something like this to not only you but to her family. The girl Ethan cheated with was only a few years older than she was and she couldnt help but think about all the times she had been to his office and had conversations with this woman. She felt like she had a part to play in this for not seeing it.

Connor not wanting to talk to him hurt in a different way than the rest. Ethan knew he could try and patch up his relationship with the other kids but it felt like there was nothing left to try and fix with Connor. He was gone all the time overseas, he had limited communication and he only came home once in a blue moon. There was no way he could try and sit down with his son unless Connor allowed it and he severely doubted that was going to happen anytime soon. Ethan knew that you were Connors whole world, you could do no wrong in his eyes and he practically worshiped the ground you walked on and while the other kids would tease him about being a mamas boy, Ethan was proud his son was so protective of you. However, this is when it seems to have backfired on him because as soon as he lost you he should have known he’d lose his son too.

Alex and Riley were understandably upset with him. They spoke to him a few times just to call and check in and let Ethan know they were okay. While they havent forgiven him, they wanted to try and move on. He was their dad, and while that doesnt give him a pass for what he did, they love him.

Noah, always looking up to Connor, followed in his big brothers steps and decided he didnt want to talk to Ethan at all. The only times Ethan managed to get Noah on the phone was when you forced him to because while Ethan hurt you, you werent going to cut him off from his own children as much as you might have wanted to. The few conversations he had with his son were short and to the point. Simple answers, he wouldnt talk about anything and Noah always kept the calls under five minutes, almost as if he had a timer running in the background and the dial tone was the alarm that let Ethan know his time was up.

Elise was the only one who would talk to him. She knew something was wrong, she knew he cheated but she didnt completely understand it and what it meant. She knew you were upset with Ethan but she only saw it as another fight that the two of you had and that you would all be okay once everyone said sorry. She missed her dad. She told you as much and she asked when you would be going back home.

And then there was you. You were trying to figure out what all of this meant for you. The relationship you had with Ethan was ruined, you knew that much for sure. But were you going to go back to New Jersey? Still live with the man who cheated on you in your own house? In your own bed? Part of you wanted to try and fix this, if not for you then for your kids. But was this something that could be fixed? You didnt think this was.

At first you were hurt when you found out. Why would your husband do this? Why would he go out and cheat repeatedly while you were home and suspected nothing? Was it something that you did that drove him to this other woman? Was it because you lost the baby? It was something that you two had argued about before and according to Ethan, the timeline matched up.

But the more you thought about it, while you were still hurt, you were angry now. None of this was your fault. You were not responsible for your cheating husband under any circumstances. He made his own choices freely and that wasnt on you. He was the one who messed up and ruined what you two had. Once you had realized all of this you were finally able to start moving on.

You still wanted answers from Ethan, but the answers wouldnt change anything. Your marriage was over, but hearing his explanation would help give you the closure you needed.  

It was now August and the kids would be starting school in a few weeks so it was time to head back to Jersey. The twins had decided to do online school, not wanting to deal with their classmates and you respected that choice. You felt they were old enough to make that choice for themselves. You had asked Noah if he wanted to do the same but he was very much against it because that meant he would be home more often with Ethan and he would much rather deal with kids at school then spend more time with his cheating father. Lizzy however was excited to go back to school because that meant she got to see her friends again and spend time with her dad who she hasnt seen all summer.

You had already talked to Grayson about picking you up from the airport and taking the kids with him for a few hours. You wanted to be able to talk to Ethan alone first without the kids being there in case things got heated between you two. They didnt need to listen to the possible yelling. And Grayson was more than happy to get to spend some time with his niece and nephew.  He dropped you off with all the luggage back at the house you shared with Ethan and left with the kids.

You took a breath and dragged the bags up the porch and into the house and left them by the stairs. The kids could use unpacking as an excuse not to talk to Ethan if they wanted to. You were debating about where to take your things when Ethan came in from the living room.

“Hey,” he said hesitantly.

“Hi,” you didnt know what else to say.

“I, uh, I moved to one of the guest rooms so you can take our room,” Ethan rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“No, I’ll take one of the rooms.” There was no way you were willingly sleeping in the same bed he had sex with that girl in. He made his bed, now he can lay in it. Literally.

Ethan seemed to have come to the same realization and simply nodded.

“You cut your hair,” he motioned to your hair that was now just above your shoulders.

“Yeah, heard you had a thing for girls with long hair,” you replied and pushed your hair back behind your ear, not seeing him flinch at your words. Your long hair had reminded you of the girl with waist long hair he cheated with and you cut yours as soon as you could.

“Y/n,” you could see the pain in his eyes at your remark. Good. He had no right to be the one who hurt.  

“What?” What was there to say?

“Are we seriously going to start this now?” He has gone from apologetic to now annoyed.

“I’m not starting anything, you did that when you couldn’t keep it in your pants,” you pointed out.

“Y/n, I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry I cheated, it was a mistake.”

“A mistake? Ethan, a mistake is putting a red shirt with the white clothes. A mistake is forgetting to pick up something from the store.  A mistake is something you can forgive. A mistake is an accident. You don’t accidentally have sex with someone over and over again. You did that knowing what the consequences would be and you did it anyway! You don’t get to stand there and tell me this was a mistake!” You were shouting at this point but you didn’t care.

“You know the sad thing is that maybe, just maybe, I could have forgiven the first time. Maybe it would have been something we could fix. But this? This is so broken there’s nothing left to fix.”

“No, no, we can work through this. We can, I don’t know, go to counseling or something, but Y/n please,” he wasn’t going to let this end. He couldn’t.

“I want a divorce.” You said simply and took out the folder of documents that had to be signed.

“Y/n,” he said quietly.

“Please don’t fight me on this. After what you put me through it’s the least you can give me. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. We don’t need to waste money on lawyers. Sign it and we can move on.” You held out the folder to him.

“I’m not going to sign that,” he took a step back from the offending papers.

“Ethan please.”

“No.”

“Why not? Ethan this marriage is over. There’s nothing left here, not after this. You clearly didn’t care about us when you decided to cheat on me so just sign the damn papers!” You shoved the folder to his chest only for it to fall to the ground when he failed to catch it.

“No! Because once I sign this that means we’re done. That means that you’re gone and I’ll have nothing left! I’ll lose you completely and call me selfish but I don’t want that! I want to fix this Y/n, please.” Ethan looked close to tears at this point. He knew he fucked up but he didn’t think you would bring up divorce this soon and he definitely wasn’t expecting you to have the papers with you as soon as you came home.

“Well I don’t! Would you forgive me if I had an affair? If I slept with someone I worked with over and over again? If I went public about it before I told you? If I brought this person into our bed for over a year?”

Silence.

“I didn’t think so. And I wouldn’t expect you to forgive something like that. So please don’t ask the same of me.” You pleaded with him.

“You expect me not to fight for my family? Y/n, you and the kids are my whole world. And I’m so sorry that I fucked it all up. But if you think I’m going to just let you walk out of my life without a fight you’re wrong.”

You let out a deep breath and walked over to the couch closest to you and sat down. Ethan moved to sit across from you, still leaving the folder on the floor. A small part of you wondered if his mistress sat on this same couch that your kids would spend hours on or if he kept her limited to your bed.

“Ethan I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. I’m not gonna change my mind on this so please don’t drag it out longer than it needs to be. I appreciate that you want to fight for this relationship but it’s useless. I’m sorry but I am not going to sit here and let you think there’s a chance of forgetting what happened because there’s not.” Why give him a flicker of hope when there was none?

“So what? You’re just gonna go? Take the kids with you? They’re my kids too.” If Ethan couldn’t fight for you anymore there wasn’t a chance in hell he wasn’t going to fight for his children.

“I never said I was leaving. Or that I was going to take them. Despite all of this, I don’t want to split up this family. The kids don’t deserve that and as their mother it’s my job to take care of them regardless of what happened and how I feel. They come first. Always.” You could be civil with Ethan but things were never going to be the same.

“I would still live here, in another room obviously. Think of it as having a roommate who you just happen to be raising children with.”

“You’ve thought it through havent you?” You could see the defeat starting to take over his features.

“I have.” You nodded. “We’ve all been through enough. We don’t need more change. And if this is something we can’t live with, we cross that bridge when we get to it and figure out what to do then. I don’t want to split up this family if I don’t have to, but Ethan I need you to sign the papers. I can’t let myself be legally bound to you after all of this. I just can’t.”

Ethan seemed to accept this. He didn’t look thrilled about it but he seemed to understand.

“I still want a lawyer to go over it before I sign it,” he said it so quietly you almost didn’t hear him.

“Of course. Thank you,” you were glad he was agreeing to it.

You got up to go into one of the guest rooms that would now be yours when you heard him call your name.

“Y/n?”

“Hm?” You stopped and turned.

“Are we ever going to be okay?” He looked up at you from where he still sat on the couch.

Would you? You hadn’t really thought that far ahead about the situation.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I hope we can eventually, for what it’s worth. But it’s going to take time.”

Ethan simply nodded at your response.

You grabbed your luggage from where you left it at the stairs and dragged it off to your new room. Everything might still be broken but that’s all it is. Broken. It can be fixed over time but the scars and cracks will always be there. Only time will make this whole thing fade away.

@pgm-dolan @dolandolll @dolanshellyes @mysecretsaremydemons @mmmmmgd @ethandolxns @dolantwinsfavss@knee-deep-in-feels @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday  @sarcasm-at-its-finest2444 @fandomsfeministsandothershit @graydolan12 @ilsolee @inlovewithethandolan @someonedoingnothing @vintagebitttch @sunshinedolantwins @chonisberonica @ardordolan @ethantasy @wasabisama331 @graysavant @atlas-of-a-human-soul @wolfpuppii009 @livexdolan if you wanna be added/want me to stop tagging you just let me know

also pls comment/like/reblog it makes me feel better about myself and gives the validation i desperately crave thank you 

i can't believe yall havent thought of a sambucky the handmaiden au LIKE GUYS LOOK AT THE POTENTIAL

okay if u haven't seen the handmaiden (2016) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHECK IT OUT OMG ITS ONE OF MY FAV MOVIES AND AS A BISEXUAL WOMAN ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES FEATURING SAPPHIC CHARACTERS

anyways here's a very self-indulgent sambucky the handmaiden! au that i wrote at midnight literally 7 hours before my exam

tw // mentions of suicide

- sam is sook-hee and bucky is hideko obvs

- sam is a criminal working for the power broker aka sharon while bucky or in this case, the winter soldier, was a test experiment for HYDRA / is now an assassin + bodyguard for their leader, alexander pierce

- sharon is conducting business w hydra to obtain some weapons and idk black market stuff which forces her to go to siberia, but obviously the ultimate weapon she wants to take home is the infamous winter soldier

- she asks sam to pretend to be her butler/bodyguard but is actually hiring him to get information on the winter soldier program and obtain the code words needed to control them

- they end up staying in pierce's mansion in like a really remote place in siberia

- sam gets acquainted w the other butlers and housekeepers, they tell him that the area is haunted because they would always hear a man screaming just before daybreak followed by complete silence. they also tell him that the forest is haunted by the spirit of a man who killed himself there

- just like the housekeepers said, sam wakes around 3-4 in the morning to the sound of a man screaming followed by complete silence

- anyways the next morning he accompanies sharon to her first meeting w hydra officials, and that's where he encounters bucky

- after the meeting, sharon is all like, "change of plans. we're going to steal the winter soldier." sam's like "and who's that?", "the person u were standing next to earlier,"

- afterwards, sam starts to spy on bucky. he doesn't talk much, sam notices, actually scratch that this man does not talk period

- they were standing by the door a few feet away from where their bosses were talking. "so uh, what do i call you?" sam asks one day, but bucky is like a statue, his response being a mere blink

- sharon and pierce always have their business meetings in the morning, but they also have spend time at night, usually supper or dinner, that's more casual. sam notices that pierce's bodyguard is less stiff and more human during the later hours of the day

- sam and bucky are again standing by the door. "what do i call you?" bucky asks quietly, almost like a whisper. "uh sam, you can call me sam. and you?"

- he freezes for a while before replying, "james barnes"

- another thing that sam notices is that bucky is NEVER alone. either he's with pierce or he's escorted by other bodyguards (who look like they couldn't even take him down altogether)

- one morning, after the usual distant screams, sam decides to figure out where the screams were actually coming from. he goes to the main house, pretending to bring tea for sharon (there's a small camera hidden in the tray)

- he sees the usual group of bodyguards escorting a half-naked and disheveled bucky from the stairs to the basement. when they see him, the group looks like a pack of deers in headlights, one of them reaches for their gun, "i'm bringing tea for ms. carter," he quickly says.

- "go ahead," the leader, rumlow, says, "but next time use the main hallway will you?"

- "right, she just said it was faster this way, and she's really peculiar about the temperature of her tea."

- he shows the video to sharon and she's like "i need u to find out wtf is going on in that basement."

- one night, sharon and pierce are having dinner tgt "since we're on the topic of legends and fairytales, i have to ask about something," sharon says,

- "go, on," pierce replies

- "the winter soldier program, does it really exist?"

- the hydra leader chuckles, "i was wondering when you would ask that," then points toward bucky, "my dear, you're looking at the winter soldier."

- sam listens in on the conversation. the winter soldier program was a program created by hydra in the 1940s with the first successful test subject being an american ww2 soldier named steve rogers. apparently he was given this serum that made him super strong and for 10 years, while the other test subjects were cryogenically frozen, hydra worked to find ways to control him but failed and they had to keep him restrained most of the time.

- one night, rogers broke out of the facility, stole all the remaining formulas, and threw them away before blowing his brains out in the nearby forest

- after rogers' suicide, hydra brought out its second test subject, bucky barnes, and used the remaining serum on him. afterwards hydra froze him again while they worked on something to keep his mind under control.

- around the 1960s they created the trigger words and since then they've been using bucky to do their dirty work for them. "this, my dear, is our greatest creation." pierce says as he approaches a stand displaying a red book. "his trigger words. say them and he will do anything you want. if you need some errands taken care of, i'd be happy to lend him to you. we can talk about the costs later."

- "i don't have anything i can't take care of myself at the moment, but i'll keep that offer in mind." sharon replies

- now sharon's like "okay we HAVE to steal him and the codes." she figured out that all of the mansion's surveillance turns off for an hour to reboot from 1 AM to 2, and tells sam to basically go to the basement and manipulate bucky when he's not under hydra's control. "make him trust you, that way we won't have much of a fuss taking him to madripoor."

- that night, after the clock strikes 1, sam sneaks into the basement and finds a cell with bucky inside. there's a bed, well, more like a mattress, but bucky's not sleeping on it. instead he's sitting in a corner, head against the wall, knees tucked in his chest, hyperventilating and,,,crying???

- "hey," sam whispers, "you okay?"

- the winter soldier stares at him with red rimmed eyes and a tear stricken face. "you're sam, you're her bodyguard."

- "yeah and you're the winter soldier, or do you prefer james?"

- "bucky. it's bucky"

- yeah basically sam visits bucky's cell every night for exactly 45 minutes before he has to sneak back out. he tries to gain bucky's trust and manipulate him but guess what they fall in love surprise surprise

- bucky tells sam his true story. how he and steve used to be ww2 soldiers that were experimented on by hydra. he remembers being frozen and the first thing he sees when they woke him up was steve's dead body. "they told me he shot his head in the forest." the first thing he felt was pain as they injected the serum into his veins then tried to erase his memories. he remembers going into cryo and being woken up over and over again to kill someone or destroy something.

- he also tells sam about the one night he broke out, ran as fast as he could, and jumped off a cliff, only for him to survive. he lost an arm, but hydra replaced it with another weapon. "i thought i would end there, but i just became more of a weapon"

- so sam starts to feel unsure about stealing the winter soldier bc goddamnit bucky's a person and he doesnt deserve any of this.

- also the more time he spends with bucky the more he realises that the actual james bucky barnes is a fucking piece of shit that still uses 40s slang and petnames and makes outdated jokes and is actually a big fucking flirt.

- and sam's heart breaks every time he looks at bucky's crestfallen face when he realises that their 45 minutes are over

- of all the people he could fall in love with, it just had to be a brainwashed assassin

- sharon tells him that in a few days, she and pierce will leave for a week to actually get the business transaction done. basically she tells sam that he should break bucky out of the mansion while they're away, take the trigger word book, and meet with torres so he can take them both to madripoor.

- while sharon and pierce leave, sam continues visiting bucky during the night. also he doesn't see bucky during the day bc they have no reason to bring him out of the cell, and he kinda misses him aw

- one night, he wakes up to noise, lots of it. everyone in the house is running. in the midst of all the chaos, sam hears, "find the soldier!"

- the first place sam goes to is the forest, and there he finds bucky kneeling by a frozen lake, with a gun in his hands. sam tackles him and throws the gun away

- "what the fuck were you thinking huh?!" sam shouts, tightly holding the front of bucky's shirt, and he can't help but cry at the thought of bucky's dead body. and all of a sudden he feels like shit. for manipulating bucky and taking advantage of his trauma for his own gain. so he gathers bucky in his arms and tells him everything. about what he and sharon were actually planning, what his true motivations were when he first went inside the basement, and how he actually grew to care for bucky

- bucky just laughs and says, "i know,” he reveals that sharon's plan all along was to take bucky and the trigger words for herself, and frame sam as the mastermind behind everything. she'll then fake bucky’s death and offer sam as another test subject for the winter soldier program as compensation for stealing (and “killing”) bucky

- "how do you know all this?"

- "she visited me the first night you arrived and we talked. she told me she'll take me away and all i had to do was manipulate you into breaking me out." bucky confesses, "i didn't realise you were a sweetheart, that made everything so complicated."

- anyways sam knocks bucky unconscious and basically helps hydra guards put him back in his cell. "just saying, maybe we shouldn't tell pierce abt this yknow" and the hydra guards r like yeah no totally cause if he knew we're all fucked

- anyways bucky and sam come up with a plan to escape together. sam contacts a friend known as baron helmut zemo, who's basically sharon's biggest enemy, but more importantly, owes sam a big ass debt and asks him to give the two of them safe passage to sokovia

- they plan to escape two nights before sharon and pierce return to siberia. on that night, sam wakes up at exactly 1 AM like he always does, and kills everyone in the house. he puts a bullet in every hydra guard, every housekeeper, everyone. he disables all the techs in the house, steals the trigger word book and breaks bucky out of his cell.

- "wait. there's something i have to show you." bucky says. he takes sam to the facility. the place where they tortured him and experimented on him. the place where every other test subjects were kept frozen.

- (if you've watched the handmaiden, yes this is a reference to the library scene) sam can't contain the anger he feels when he looks at the room. "is this where they tortured you? is this where the screams come from every night?"

- bucky nods. he points at a chair in the centre of the room, surrounded by machines and computers. "every morning they would drag me out of my cell, put me on that chair, and-" he swallows a choked sob, "and read the trigger words,"

- sam can't control it anymore. he grabs a metal rod and starts destroying the place. he breaks every machine, tearing them apart until they are nothing more than wires and buttons. he kills all the frozen test subjects, because they deserve better than this. he rips apart the pages of the winter soldier's mission reports, and gathers them into a pile.

- from afar, bucky watches as sam lights up the pile and everything in front of him starts to burn. when sam turns to look at him, he can't help but think about how magnificent he looks as the fire roars behind him. his hero. his guardian angel. his sam.

- sam approaches bucky and pulls him in for a hungry kiss. something he feels he should've done earlier. "no one will ever control you again." he says, and for once its a promise that bucky believes in.

- sam reaches in his bag and pulls out the red book. bucky starts to cry bc no one, not even before hydra, had ever loved him like this. "i mean it. no one." sam says. bucky throws the book in the fire and watches and both paper and leather melt into ash

- the end they escape using zemo's private jet and live happily ever after haha

The new girl - Choi Bomin

Pairing: reader x Bomin

Words: 2.143

Warnings: none

Masterlist

You are a dancer. You love to dance and you always practice after school. You just moved to Seoul so you are transferring to a new school and class today. You probably won’t make that many friends since you are always busy with home work and dancing. It's not that you don’t want to its just that dance is more important to you. And you best friends are dancers too. You aren’t famous like a Kpop group or something but you are quite popular since you’ve been on certain shows and some of your dances went viral.

You moved to Seoul because you were asked by this famous choreographer(Jay Kim) if you wanted to train with him, so of course you said yes. You moved alone because your parents still had their jobs back home, but they were very supportive of your dreams as long as you also focus on school.

Your alarm went off for the third time and now you really have to get up or else you will be late. You go out of bed and take a shower to wake yourself up. You are really not a morning person. So you get dressed and eat some breakfast. You put on your shoes and some music and you walk to school. Its a big school compared with your old school but it seems fun. Some students looked at you because they might know you or since you are a new student.

You ask a student were they register is. So she walk you there and you ask the lady for your class number and class room. So after that you walk to your class room and since class already started everybody looks at you. The teacher looks at you and says “and why are you late?” You look at her and don’t know what to say but then the class president stand up and says “miss, she is the new student.” He smiles at you nicely and you bow your head a little to say thank you. The teacher looks at you again and says “oh I'm sorry, can you introduce yourself?” You look at the class and say “Hi, my name is Y/N and im a dancer. I just moved to Seoul alone so it’s kind of new for me. And I hope we could be friends.”

They started whispering because now they were certain that you were the girl they have seen on tv and in those dances. So a random girl stands up and asks “are you that girl from those dances on instagram?” You laugh and say “yeah that’s me.” Everyone looks kind of shocked and now the teacher starts saying something again “come on guys, we already have two idols in our class. No need to be this shocked.” And everyone looks either at the boy in the back of the class or the pink haired boy in the middle. They smile at me and I smile back.

“Y/N, you can sit next to Bomin.” The teacher says and points at the boy at the back of the class. You walk to the empty spot besides him and sit down. “Hi, im Bomin nice to meet you.” He says and looks at you. “Nice to meet you too, at what page are we?” “page 25, also if you want me to show you around the school I can do that in the break time.” “thanks and sure why not” you reply and he looks back at the teacher and you both focus on the class.

Then break starts so he waits for you and you both walk trough the school. Most people smile at you but 2 or 3 girls give you a jealous look and you ask bomin “Those girls must love you or something because now they hate me” and you chuckle. Hate doesn’t get you anymore since people are going to be jealous anyways. “ahh yeah they do that to anyone who I talk to really even  just my friends, I don’t know why. I’m sorry for that” he says. “It’s not your fault so don’t apologise for something you don’t have any say in. They are the ones who should apologise to you.” He looks at you with a smile. You think he looks very handsome but everyone can see that but from up close he is even more handsome. But you aren’t here to fall in love so you focus on something else. “I think we can become good friends Y/N” he says and that does make you feel happy because you don’t make friends that fast. “Yeah I think so too Bomin.”

A couple of weeks later

You and bomin became good friends and you also became friends with this other boy Sanha. It’s easy being friends with them, because you know its not fake. You’ve had friends that only wanted being friends with you because you have followers. But they are famous themselves so it’s not that they gain anything from this.

Now you guys are in PE class and the new assignment is a dance. So everyone looks like they want to team up with you but then the teacher says “No it’s a duo dance so the tango or you can create your own dance. So go stand into two lines with one for boys and girls each” you look next to you and you see that you are standing next to sanha and he looks at you and then at bomin behind him. Then he says to the teacher “sir I can’t do this assignment since I have an ankle injury and I need to rest.” The teacher looks at him and says “Thats okay just go sit on the bench.” So he walk away and the teacher motions to bomin and the boys behind him to go a place forward. So now you are paired with Bomin.

You guys sit next to each other and discuss which dance you would like to do. “I know this couple dance my trainer did so we could do that one. We could also ask for his help since he made the choreo” You show him the video of the dance to say you won’t let go and he agrees to do it. So you start little but decide to hang out that afternoon at your dance studio. So he texts to his members that he will be home later.

That afternoon you learn the full choreo from your trainer and you both go home. But he calls you so you answer. “hey we only have a week to learn this dance and the teacher expects the most of us so do you wanna practice like tomorrow or something.” He asks, you think about it and agree that you need more practice. “yeah we need to practice more but tomorrow I can’t I have this workshop but after that day I’m free.” You say and you hear him hum and he says “yeah me too but where are we going to practice?” “uhh our studio is full at that moment so it can’t be here, can we do it at your company. Only if the manager agrees of course.” You say “wait he’s here right now so I can ask him.” And he puts you on hold and you hear faintly talking and then he picks up again “hey im back and the manager is okay with it. But I warn you in advance there might be members of mine walking around or looking at us.” “I can deal with that haha” you say and you both laugh. Then he needs to go and you both hang up.

The next day goes by quickly and now you are standing in front of Woollim entertainment. You’ve never been inside a company like this. You text Bomin that you are there because he said he needed to pick you up since at the register the might think she is a fan. So you walk in and just wait. Then you see him and walk up to him. “Have you been waiting long?” You shake you head and say no. “i have to warn you even more about my members. I told them you were coming and now all of them wanna watch.” You laugh and say “That’s funny, but it’s okay im used to audiences anyway. And they could give feedback you know.” So you two walk to the practice room and you see 9 boys sitting there. When the door opens they all immediately look at you and you bow to them “hi, im y/n. Nice to meet you.” Then one of them stands up and says “yah bomin you didn’t tell us it was y/n that was coming. Im Jangjun by the way and I’ve seen a lot of your videos.” You laugh and every one starts introducing themselves.

After that bomin says “are you going to stay while we dance or are you going to leave.”

A member said that they just want to see it one time. And the others agree. So you two do the routine and its kind of romantic so when you are done too members are screaming and whistling. Bomin gets red and you think its so cute and you smile at him. You keep denying you have a crush on him but this assignment isn’t helping with reducing it. So the members leave and you and bomin start practicing and after an hour you take a break.

“you wanna get some ice cream?” He asks you and you nod. So you leave the building and get some ice cream. You start walking around Seoul and he randomly grabs your hand. You look at him but he keeps staring forward. Sanha would tell you sometimes that Bomin likes you but you kept saying that we was lying. You start blushing and look straight ahead but then bomin looks at you. You feel his eyes burning on your face. Then he stops walking and stand in front of you and puts his face right in front of yours. “Do I make you blush?” He says with a smile. And you look down at your shoes. “you're so cute y/n.” And he starts walking again. Then you get yourself together and you think about what just happened. Maybe he does like you. So you decide to tease him. “yah bomin, you must have a crush right, I’ve heard from sanha that you do.” You say and his eyes widen “what did he tell you? That bish.” He says and you chuckle “well he only told me that you had a crush. So what is he like do I know her?” “Yeah you know her and she is cute and nice, she always sees the bright side of something.” He says and now you start blushing “Well why don’t you say that to her. She would be so lucky to have you as a boyfriend, you are handsome and nice.” You say and he looks at you very seriously. You both sit down on a bench. “but what if she doesn’t like me Y/N. That will be so awkward and I still want to be friends with her.” He says and you find it so cute. “Bomin just do it, what if she does like you but is scared you don’t and she loses feelings? Then you missed your shot.”

“Okay, so Y/N I like you as more than friends and I don’t know if you like me back so I hope I havent ruined our friendship wi-“ he keeps talking but then you kiss his cheek and he stops and looks at you. You just look at him and say “so Sanha was right all along.” He looks confused and you say “he told me you liked me but I didn't believe him.” “so you like me too?” He asks and you just realised what actually happened and start blushing. You look down and say yes. “Okay good so it’s not weird when I do this.” He says and grabs your chin and kisses you. When you pull away for air just look at him with a smile. “Do you wanna be my girlfriend?” And you nod and he hugs you really hard. “hey bomin I would like to breath.” And laugh. He puts you down and looks at you “I can’t believe I'm not dreaming this.” He grabs your hand and you walk back to the company.

The PE assignment goes really well and you get a high grade. And you both thank Sanha for playing match maker. And his members keep teasing him, but they are happy for you.

Could you write about David having a really shitty day, but knowing that when he gets home Matteo will be there and help him to relax 😌

i havent been able to sit down and write a full thing in a while so im gonna try with this cause ive been goin through it a bit and some projecting may be nice ya know???

David had woken up in his own bed, alone, and that was just the beginning of the shittiest day of his week. 

Not waking up pressed against his soft boyfriend, no face buried in his neck or chest to burrow into, was bad enough. But he also had apparently managed to oversleep, and was late for his first errand in a day full of annoying, boring tasks. He shrugged into his binder, his ribs already aching a little under the pressure, but he just sighed and continued getting ready. He didn’t have time to eat or drink any coffee so he was already cranky as he rushed out the door, slamming it shut behind himself.

He knew that he was being a bit of a baby. Him and Laura had to deal with some financial shit and it was kind of scary, and tedious, and David was feeling the  bounce in his legs that meant he needed to get up and get out soon, or he’d end up actually being a jerk and he didn’t want that. 

He excused himself into the hallway and ignored the glare Laura shot him as he got up, knowing that she’d be angrier if he yelled at the suited man in front of him to “get my name wrong one more time.”

He stood against the wall and let his head drop back, taking a few deep breaths, and he only opened his eyes again when his phone buzzed. He took it out and saw a text from Laura saying, Where are you? You need to come back and he locked his phone again. He huffed a breath out through his nose and felt himself about to tip over the edge, but his shoulders drooped and his face softened when he saw a text from Matteo that said, hey, what are you doing later? i miss you.

He felt himself smile for the first time that day, small but genuine, and he took another breath before responding nothing,what about you? going back into the room. He sat through the rest of the meeting thing only half paying attention, following along enough to answer when he had to, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands as he tried to calm himself down by thinking about Matteo’s nose, and the way he would smile when he was just with David, and how bright his eyes would get later when he answered the door and saw David standing there. 

Laura was rightfully pissed when they left, and kept her lips tight and her face forcefully neutral because they both knew they had to go to the store and buy food. He looked down at the ground as they walked with his hands in his pockets, biting his lip to keep from losing his mind at the people who brushed past him on the busy street. When some dude actually bumped into him hard enough to make him stumble he looked up with a glare on his face that made Laura tug him away, into her side, and harshly whisper, “What the fuck is up with you today?”

He just shrugged, and she let go of his jacket and huffed. Just as they reached the store and Laura grabbed a cart he felt his phone buzz again, and he pulled it out in a way that probably seemed a little desperate. He smiled again, wider, when he saw the text from Matteo saying, i have no problem if you want to do me tonight ;), and he snorted before replying, very smooth.

He and Laura picked out their respective groceries in a tense silence, the thought of seeing Matteo later the only thing keeping him sane. He got a few texts too, Matteo asking him if he was gonna eat with Laura, if he was having a good day (he sent a long response to that one that made Matteo send him a :(), and a promise of a chill night with weed, hot food, and boyfriend who was more than willing to hold David until he felt better again. 

They got back to their place and Laura left David to put away the groceries, which was definitely valid, but set the frown on his face a little deeper. He managed to put everything away safely except for the eggs, which he watched fall to the floor with an almost amused face. They all cracked and some of them splattered, and he felt like the worst brother and roommate in the entire world but he shut the fridge door, packed up his bag, tugged on his shoes, and left. 

David speed walked to Matteo’s, only remembering to tell him that he was coming when he was close enough that it didn’t make sense. He quickly texted him, sorry, ill be there in 5 i forgot to text you and held his phone in his hand as he waited for Matteo to respond, slowing his pace slightly. He looked at his phone the second it buzzed and bit his lip to stop the grin that wanted to grow on his face when he read can you make it 4? He responded how about 3? and put his phone in his pocket before giving into the urge he’d been feeling all day, and he started running in the direction of Matteo’s place. 

He got there in two minutes and was buzzed up quickly, and he ran up the steps even though his lungs were burning and his ribs were throbbing, and the door opened before he even got to it.

“Two minutes, very impressive.” Matteo said with a smile, and David smiled back as his chest heaved.

“Yeah, I think that’s a new record,” he said, feeling all of the anger he was holding tight in his shoulders drain out, and he walked forward until he could wrap his arms around Matteo’s waist and nose into the side of his neck. He took in a deep breath that smelled like home as Matteo slid a hand onto the back of his head, and the other arm around his shoulders. 

“Come on, the food’s almost done,” Matteo whispered next to his ear, “and I just rolled us a joint, and kicked everyone out for the night.”

David chuckled a little, surprising himself, and Matteo pulled away with a grin and grabbed his hand, yanking him into the WG and closing the door behind them. it was warm, and smelled like garlic and tomatoes and a little bit like weed, and he closed his eyes as he breathed it all in. He let Matteo slide his jacket off and he opened his eyes when Matteo gripped his shoulder, and pulled him in for a short, sweet kiss.

“You should go change,” Matteo said, rubbing his thumbs lightly over the spots he knew would be red from the binder, “and take this off, specifically. No arguing.”

David didn’t even have the energy to try. He grabbed his bag and slung it onto his shoulder as Matteo went into the kitchen and stood in front of the stove, stirring something with a wooden spoon. David looked at him one more time, let himself stare at Matteo’s back for a bit, before turning and walking into Matteo’s room. He changed quickly, opting to grab the sweatshirt that was on Matteo’s bed instead of putting back on his own. He zipped it up and buried his face in it for a second, breathing in deep. 

He walked back out to the kitchen and was a little surprised when he smelled a freshly lit joint, and saw Matteo holding it one hand as he stirred with the other. David walked up and grabbed it out from between his fingers, and Matteo turned his head with a soft smile. David took a hit as he stepped closer into Matteo’s space, and once he handed the joint back to Matteo, he pressed his front flush against Matteo’s back and wrapped his arms tight around his stomach, letting his head drop onto Matteo’s shoulder. 

He felt Matteo’s hand slide onto the back of his head again the same time he felt Matteo’s torso expand with a deep inhale, and Matteo patted the hand that David had resting on his stomach before he said, “You might need to let go if you want this.”

David whined loud enough to make Matteo laugh, and he squeezed Matteo into his chest and rubbed his cheek against Matteo’s shoulder blade.

“No, I don’t want to.”

“Then no weed for you, I guess.”

“But I want weed!”

“Then let go of me!”

“But I want you, too!”

David was laughing for real for the first time all day, he almost couldn’t stop the giggles as Matteo squirmed around, trying to wiggle out of David’s grip while not dropping the joint or bumping into the food cooking and fire burning in front of them.

“Okay, okay! Here!” Matteo finally said, twisting in David’s arms until they were (almost) face to face, and he put the joint in David’s mouth.

David thanked him around the joint and took a hit, his body starting to feel less and less tense, his mind less and less full, the red tinge around his vision fading. It was partially weed, and partially the boy in his arms who was giggling and had somehow gotten sauce on his cheek during their whole scuffle. David had never felt more in love.

“Fuck, the pasta!” Matteo yelped, as they both heard the hiss as the water boil over. David let him pull away to save their meal. He leaned back against the counter, and tensed up again when he felt his phone buzz. He took it out of his pocket and took a breath in before checking it, and he huffed that breath back out when he saw a text from Laura saying, I can’t believe you today David, you better bring home more eggs and a better fucking attitude.

He sighed, letting his head tilt back as he tried to ignore it. He knew that there was nothing he could say back that would fix how shitty he had been, and it felt even worse knowing that he had no real reason to have been such a dick. He lifted his head again when he heard Matteo shuffle around, and then his voice in front of him asking, “Hey, what’s up?”

David sighed again and opened his eyes, watching as Matteo put the two full bowls of pasta down on the counter. Matteo turned back and crowded into his space, his arms draped over David’s shoulders. David looked up at him through his eyelashes, feeling like a jerk for moping as he quietly said, “I was an asshole today.”

Matteo raised an eyebrow and smiled a tiny bit, and asked, “Were you?”

“Yeah,” David said, gripping onto Matteo’s hips to ground himself a little, “I just woke up in a shitty mood and had to deal with all the shit I texted you about, and I was shitty to Laura and everything was just...” 

“Shit?” Matteo finished his thought for him, and they both chuckled when David nodded his head to confirm. Matteo shuffled forward until David could drop his head onto his shoulder again, and he pressed a kiss behind his ear.

“I need to apologize to her.” David said muffled into Matteo’s shoulder, but made no effort to move as Matteo’s fingers slipped into his hair and started running soothingly through the curls, and he had to hold back a shiver when his nails dug in a little.

“Hm,” Matteo hummed,”no.”

“No?” David asked, amused, as Matteo’s other hand rubbed under the sweatshirt and up his back, trailing his fingers back down David’s spine.

“First, you’re going to eat. Then I’m going to cuddle you on the couch and we’re gonna watch a movie. And then we’re going to go to my room and cuddle more, and then maybe fuck, and then go to bed.”

“Wow,” David said, tilting his head so Matteo could hear him better, “I’m glad you have the evening planned out so carefully.”

“I’m nothing if not organized,” Matteo said with a cheeky grin that made David grin back and shove him away, and then tug him closer again for a kiss.

“Yeah, sure,” David said, nuzzling into Matteo’s cheek. 

“But seriously,” Matteo said, and pulled David away to fix him with a worried look, squeezing his hands tight in his own, “is there anything else you need? Or want? You had a bad day, I want to make it better.”

David could’ve cried. He didn’t know how he managed to end up with such a sweetheart for a boyfriend. There was such a nice comfort knowing just how true Matteo’s words were, that he truly would have done whatever David needed to make him happy. He had never had that before, not in the way he did with Matteo, and he didn’t know how to tell him that just being in his presence was enough.

He pulled his hands out of Matteo’s and cradled his face, closing his eyes and chuckling a little before pulling Matteo in for a kiss. He felt hands slide onto his hips and then around his waist, pulling him in tight, and he wrapped his tight around Matteo’s neck as they kissed slow, and he tried to pour all of his gratitude into it.

They pulled away after a moment to breath, and David rubbed their noses together before blinking a sudden wetness out of his eyes and saying, “No, this is all I need right now.”

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

Hey yall, emotional abuse, physical pain (not self harm, just illness pain), brief mention of periods, and shitty parents tws coming up.

So i generally try to keep my personal life off here unless I won’t be posting for a while and want to let you know why (like i did with my ear infection.), but I’m having a really bad week and a half and desperately need to vent. Feel free to completely ignore this because I don’t expect anyone to respond, I just need to get everything off my chest--although any suggestions as to what the fuck I should do are more than welcome.

My dad and stepmom have been controlling any emotionally abusive for pretty much my entire life--because you know, abuse doesn’t just start randomly and it’s not something that you can easily fix.

Anyway. When I went home for my ear infection, my stepmom got kinda mad about it. Mad might be the wrong word, controlling is probably better. I didnt tell her or my dad that I was coming home to see the doctor for a few reasons:

I knew if I told them, they’d tell me i should tough it out and go to class

They’d say that i was being over dramatic and that it couldn’t possible hurt that bad

They’d ask why I couldn’t have seen a doctor in Milwaukee (where my college is and 1.5 hours from home), why I needed to come home for something like that.

So I didn’t tell them. While I was home my stepmom texted me asking how I was doing. At the time she didn’t know I had an ear infection or that I was home, so of course like the idiot I am, I was honest and told her I came home sunday night. Seriously I think honesty is my fatal flaw. She, of course, asked why and I told her that “I cant think right now, let alone take a bus somewhere I’ve never been before. I tried to get into the dr at school, but they dont have any openings until wednesday.” I was able to get into my doctor at home on monday, two full days before I would have been able too at school, so it seems logical that id go home right? I couldnt hear out of my right ear anyway, so it’s not like I would have been able to pay attention in class and actually learn anything. 

She drops it or that day.

But my stepmom, being my stepmom, of course texts me back a few days later (fthursday or friday i think) because she thinks that I should have tried harder to find a doctor here. She said, and I fucking quote this entire goddamn text 

Hey so I just want to clarify with you ... you could have gone to a dr there you know? You guys didn’t have to come all the way home and back. good lord. Just find a clinic thats an urgent care or er. you might have had to pay more out of pocket, but so what? And you have 2 insuraces, so that wouldve helped more too. Just saying. So I thought I’d let you know instead of doing all that craziness back and forth. Make it easier on yourself next time kiddo.

And this has me fucking livid because:

I literally explained to her why I didn’t find someone in Milwaukee days before. 

She’s insinuating that it’s too inconvenient for my mom to come get me.

And my stepdad had off on tuesday, so he gladly took me back too school. No questions asked. No complaints. He even bought my antibiotics for me (which I was totally prepared to pay the $10 for myself) before we left.

She’s talking down to me as if I had no idea that I could do this.

I can’t afford to pay more out of pocket right now, even if I might (read: MIGHT) get reimbursed for it later.

Going home literally WAS making it easier on myself.

So I send a screenshot of this text to my mom of course, and she replies almost immediately just going off. My mom and I havent always had the best relationship (she has some emotionally abusive habits too, but she knows about most of them, acknowledges them, and tries her best to fix them), but I know that she will always be there for me. She’s that person who will drive an hour and a half just to come make sure someone is okay, and she has done so 2-3 times in my 2 years at college. She doesn’t care if I’m 45 and living on the other side of the country, she will drive or by a plane ticket to hep me if/when need it. So my mom is beyond pissed off that my stepmom would ever imply that coming to get me, take care of me, is an inconvenience.

I reply a simple “i know” to my stepmom, because I know better than to give her a long winded explanation. She’ll just come back at me with an even longer block of text basically telling me how wrong/stupid i was to not just see a dr in the area.

And of course, of fucking course, she replies with a long block of text anyway basically telling me the same fucking thing. She does this several times and I keep doing the “i know” “yeah” “okay” thing because I just didn’t have the fucking ENERGY you guys. 

But then she says 

my goodness you’re a peach sometimes. Just trying to help and maybe you guys didn’t think of that. 

So by this point in time my patience was completely GONE. I have absolutely none left. I know when my stepmom calls me a peach it’s just her “nice” way of saying “you’re being a fucking bitch.” ((Keep in mind this entire time I was taking screenshots and sending them to my mom so she could be mad with me.)) And so I fucking went off in the nicest way possible. I tell her

no, you’re trying to be in control of the situation that had absolutely nothing to do with you

I was going to just try going to a dr the next morning, but then my mom called and I was crying and she asked if I wanted to come home, so I said yes. It wasn’t an inconvenience to her, though it feels like you’re trying to make it seem that way. And [stepdad] had off so he was easily able to take me back.

I’m not an idiot, im an adult fully capable of doing things myself. But i also recognized that I needed help and accepted it when my mom noticed I did as well

Because yes. I was in so much pain that I was actually crying from it. I usually have a decent pain tolerance (horrific period cramps will do that to a person), but for some reason whenever I say that I’m genuinely in pain my stepmom never seems to think it could be “that bad.” And... that’s exactly how that went. I was soooo prepared to just tough it out and wait until Wednesday if I absolutely had to. But then my mom called and I may be 20 years old but there are those times when you’re an adult and you just need your parent. You need your parent to tell you it’s going to be okay. You need your parent to hold and comfort you. You need your parent to take you to the dr. And for me this was one of those times. I so very rarely ask for help but this time i needed it, and there’s no reason for my stepmom (or anyone) to make me feel like I should be ashamed of that.

So she said something brief to that and I didn’t reply back. Ne next moring she sends me another text starting off with something along the lines of “I’m hurt by how you treated me last night...” and I didn’t read the rest because I knew it would make me mad. I did, however send a screenshot to my mom again.

The next day I call both my mom and my paternal grandma to talk about this entire conversation.

My mom thinks that I should cut off ties with them for at least a few months because this has been overwhelming me so much. I agree with her, but I’m concerned about my younger siblings (not that they’ll get hurt or anything, but that I won’t be able to see them) and also my aunt is getting married in may.

And my grandma was livid too. She’s never liked my stepmom because she’s always thought that she’s treated me like shit. (For a long time i mistakenly believed that my stepmom was a better person than my mom, but I was an impressionable child/teenager then). My grandma and I talked about times when stepmom made me feel bad about myself or treated me as lesser than my half siblings. And my grandma agrees that I should keep my distance, but she asked me to not cut ties, and to keep a decent amount of peace, until after my aunt’s wedding.

Which I understand. I get it. I love my aunt a lot and I truly dont want to cause any problems at her wedding, she deserves the world. But at the same time I don’t know how much longer I can take this you guys. I’m supposed to go to a water park for a night with my dad, stepmom, and siblings during my spring break (it was a christmas present from my dad to the family) and I’m absolutely dreading it. I don’t want to go. My mom says I should just lie and say I have to work, but again, fatal flaw here is honesty, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that. I want to see my siblings too, but I really need to start taking care of myself.

I’ve spent far too long worrying about my family even after not living at home for the last two years. I need to take care of myself. I do. But I honestly don’t know how to do that without causing a family feud in the process.

And the reason this was all triggered again today (after not having talked to anyone on my dad’s side since saturday) is because I got a call from a random number while I was in class today. It was a call from my home city and whoever it was left a voicemail. In the back of my mind I started worrying that it was my dad and that he wanted to talk me into not being upset with my stepmom (he’s a terrible person too but that’s a rant for a different day).

I have yet to listen to it because the idea of talking about this with him makes me nauseous. At the same time, not knowing who called is making me overwhelmingly anxious. I don’t know what would be best:

Ignoring the voicemail, or listening to it and potentially having to talk to my dad?

Toughing out being around my family until after the wedding, or risk causing a family feud by cutting ties?

I just... I’m so lost you guys.

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.