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ladyveronikawrites · 8 months

Note

Hi! Can I please have Noah x reader with number 5 from the kink list and number 67 from the prompt list?

Impolite Part Four

Read the story here.

30 Days of Bad Omens "Ethereal" PAIRING: Noah X Female Reader; Jolly x Female Reader KINK: Orgasm denial SMUT PROMPT: 67. “what if i just leave you here, wet and needy” CW: orgasm denial, orgasm persmission, D/s dynamic, bondage, partner sharing/poly, sex toys, voyeurism/exhibitionism, collaring (submissive bracelet), unprotected p in v sex,

👑Royal Readers

(tag list) @signs-of-ill-portent @throwingmetothelions @the-way-of-words @kingdomof-omens @thebadchic @strawberryruffilo @badhedonist @crimson-calligraphyx

** I couldn't get this out of my head. I wrote it during a family picnic you heathens I love you**

“Good morning.”

A husky voice chips away slowly at the daydream playing in your mind as you stare out into the sunrise. You bring your coffee mug to your lips, reveling in the sweet scent of coffee and the silent serenity for a heartbeat longer. In the corner of your eye, the body fidgets behind you but you pay no mind to them. The hot beverage warms the back of your throat, waking your senses. You turn slightly to set down your mug on the small table beside the lounge chair you are relaxing in.

As you turn back to face whoever greeted you, your chin is jolted in one direction and before you can process what is happening, warm full lips crash onto yours. You relax into his touch, your back pressed against the back of the chair. Noah deepens to kiss, slotting his body between your legs as he licks at your bottom lip. You moan into him as he captures your pleasure with his mouth and tongue. Threading your fingers through his hair you tug slightly earning you a groan from the tall man. Reluctantly, you break apart the heated kiss.

“Good morning to you too,” you rasp, voice still full of sleep.

“Hey, I gotta get in my kiss before ‘you know who' wakes up.” You shake your head as Noah mocks Mr. Karlsson. “Don’t act like you don’t like it,” he smirks as he rises from the chair. You casually flip him off because he is right and you aren’t on the clock just yet. This behavior elicits a shit-eating grin from Noah as he makes his way back into the house.

Your chest tightens when you glance at the time on your watch. Today is the day before the band leaves on tour. A strange mix of sadness and excitement swirls in your stomach.

You’ve learned so much about each of the guys and even more about yourself in the past three months. Tears threaten to spill from the corners of your eyes but you quickly wipe them away as duty calls.

You find Noah and Mr. Karlsson sitting at the kitchen island, shutting the sliding door quietly behind you, you make your way to the coffee bar to start your morning ritual. As you grab Mr. Karlsson’s favorite mug, unironically with his name on it, you jump slightly as warm hands snake around your waist. Coarse scruff rubs against your cheek before soft lips take their place.

“Stop,” Mr. Karlsson demands in a raspy whisper. “No rules today, dear.”

He plants delicate kisses on your cheek and neck. You set down the mug as your mind begins to wander. Mr. Karlsson… Joakim plucks you from your thoughts by spinning you around to face him. Large hands grasp at your face and pull you into a burning kiss. Pulled from hot to cool by the rings on his fingers against your warm cheeks, your head begins to spin.

Relentless, Joakim splits your mouth open with his tongue and devours you. You melt into his touch moaning into his open mouth. A thud rings through the room as Joakim pushes you against the bar. He tilts his head to the side to deepen the filthy kiss. A warm tingle spreads from your scalp to your neck as Joakim tangles and tugs at your hair.

Embolden, you slide your hands up his chest and around his neck. You twirl your fingers through his locks then tug slightly, cautiously. He groans into your mouth as he ruts against your thigh. Heat floods your core and you can’t stop yourself from tugging harder. Your breathing shallows as you both fight for air and dominance. Joakim bites at your lower lip then pulls away.

Your hands instinctually return to your side as he cups your chin, his lust-filled hazel eyes searching yours for any sign of harm. Heat burns your cheeks as he assesses you. Your chest heaves up and down as you calm your breath and your racing mind.

“Are you okay?” he asks taking a step back. Hazy from the rush of hormones a few heartbeats pass before you can answer.

“Yes,” you rush out hoarsely. “That was-”

“Hot,” Noah interrupts. Your eyes meet his but you quickly glance at your feet as your cheeks redden even more. Embarrassed, you can’t believe Noah watched everything. Joakim tilts your chin to meet his gaze.

“Hey, hi,” Joakim smiles and it melts away your insecurities. “Sorry Noah can be a kinky fucker sometimes and ignore boundaries-” Joakim looks over his shoulder and throws Noah daggers. Noah lets out a dramatic huff and gets up from his chair. “Are you sure you are alright?” Joakim returns to you as Noah comes to stand nearby yet still respecting your space.

“Yeah, just surprised that’s all.” You meet Noah’s apologetic gaze.

“Sorry.” Noah leans in and kisses your cheek then nips at your earlobe. “Not sorry.” You shove at his chest and he fakes stumbling backward flashing you a shit-eating grin before turning to leave.

“Here, I got something for you.” Joakim takes your hand and guides you into the living room. As you sit down on the leather couch, he hands you a small box. When you open it you find a small rose gold chain bracelet with a small circular pendant. On it is a letter J embossed into the metal. Your submissive bracelet, like a collar but more discreet.

Joakim leans over, grabs the delicate chain from the box, and wraps it around your wrist. He locks the bracelet and brushes his lips against your wrist. “Mine,” he growls softly before kissing the same area and letting you go.

Suddenly, Joakim’s phone rings, shattering your intimate moment.

“You can open the other bag, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Joakim walks outside onto the patio for privacy. You pull two black velvet bags from the gift bag. In one bag you find a small pink insertable egg vibrator and a purple vibrating wand in the other. All at once it hits you why Joakim gave them to you.

“Want to test them out?” Noah strolls into the room and plops onto the chair beside you. “I know you are ready for more, you give yourself away so easily,” Noah smirks.

Your mouth pops open ready to defend yourself but no words come out. He’s right though. They all can read your non-verbal cues but you can read theirs too. In the same breath, each one of them has helped you become more comfortable with yourself.

Folio has helped you connect with your more wild and impulsive side so you can be less rigid. Ruffilo has helped you balance your work and hobbies and Noah gave more reading recs to add to your TBR amongst other shows to watch when you have time. Sadness grips your stomach at the reality of a quiet house. You’ve considered heading back to your apartment, which Joakim has graciously paid for while you stayed here, when the band leaves for tour but this place feels like home.

“What do you think?” Noah cocks an eyebrow in your direction. “Why don’t we show Jolly what he’s missing?” You glance at Joakim outside still on the phone. It is the last day you’ll see him and possibly the one and only chance he will let his guard down and admit his feelings for you.

“Ok,” you flash Noah a grin as you rise from the couch and he grabs the two bags.

Noah traps you against Joakim’s bedroom door. You barely catch your breath as Noah captures your lips with his. You tug on the hem of his shirt to pull him in closer. He tangles his hands in your hair just like Joakim did only minutes ago. Heat shoots through your scalp making you moan into Noah’s open mouth. Arching your back, you press into him deeper sliding your hands down his sides to grip his hips. You are positive your fingernails have marked his skin. He pulls away leaving you panting.

“I wanted so badly to pull you from Jolly and fuck you in the kitchen. Both of us taking turns making you come undone.” Noah flashes a satisfied grin as he watches the blush creep over your cheeks. “Princess, you’re blushing and you can’t look at me. That means that fantasy turns you on.” Noah tilts your chin up to meet his lust-filled gaze.

“Yes,” you moan breathlessly as you clench your thighs together.

“Yeah?” Noah smirks as he snakes his other hand down your front between your legs and under your leather skirt. “Let’s find out shall we?” He taps your thigh and you obey spreading your legs wide. His eyes roll back as he cups your covered mound. “No coming until Joakim tells you to, okay?”

“Yes, sir,” you whimper as Noah slides his fingers into your already-damp panties and swipes them against your clit. Your knees bend to his touch and just like that his fingers are gone and working on the zipper of your skirt. All at once, Noah pulls down your panties and skirt as your fingers work quickly at the buttons of your blouse. Heart racing as arousal and excitement bubble in your stomach.

“Are you okay with restraints?” Noah asks as he approaches the bed taking the toys from each bag.

“Yes, I prefer them actually.” You climb onto the large bed as Noah adjusts the bed restraints.

“I know Jolly said ‘no rules’ but you know you can say your safeword at any time.”

“You know I know, Noah,” you grin shaking your head as he cuffs your ankle to the bed. “But I appreciate you asking every time. You all do and it's comforting.”

“We just want everyone to feel safe,” Noah replies as he cuffs the other ankle then moves to your wrists. Noah takes a step back and admires your bare beauty.

“You have no idea how badly I want to just take you instead, make you come over and over again on my cock. Have you screaming so loud Jolly will burst into the room.”

You squirm against your restraints as Noah crawls between your legs. The thought of Joakim watching Noah fuck you makes your pussy throb. “I know you love being watched, Ruff told me all about it, every detail from the night you were between both Nicks.” He leans over you his face mere inches from yours. “Do you want Jolly to watch?” All you can muster is a small nod, his proximity making your mind hazy. “Words dear,” Noah pecks a kiss on your lips.

“Yes,” you breathe out. The last syllable barely leaves your mouth as Noah crawls off the bed. He grabs his phone and types away a text, then turns on Joakim's computer which happens to be on the desk in front of the bed. The screen flashes on and you see the profile of Joakim sitting at the desk in the studio. His gaze isn’t on you but on something in front of him. Your jaw drops open as the realization hits you.

“Wait Noah-” Noah adjusts the webcam before turning in the chair.

“It’s ok, Jolly agreed to it. You are safe, he has his earbuds in, and no one can see or hear you besides him. He has his phone propped up out of frame. The kinky bastard.” Noah moves from the desk so you can see the large screen better just as Joakim glances down and flashes you a small smile.

“How are you feeling?” Noah asks as he grabs the wand vibrator. You watch mesmerized as Joakim slides a hand from the desk and onto his lap not hearing Noah’s question. Joakim starts to palm at the tent in his sweatpants.

“Fuck.” You bite your lip as your eyes remain on the screen.

Noah turns on the vibrating wand to its lowest setting and places it gently on your pebbled nipple. You shriek at the sudden sensation and buck your hips. Noah makes small circles around the hard bud; your clit throbs for the friction. Closing your eyes, you sink deeper into the pillows as the vibration spreads through your other breast. Your eyes spring open when something hot and wet flicks at your nipple. Overwhelmed, your back arches off the bed, and your mouth pops open. Instantly, Noah pulls his mouth and the vibrator from your overstimulated flesh.

“Fuck you, Noah,” you bite out between shaky breaths. You have gotten to know that Noah secretly loves your filthy mouth, the one you can’t have around Joakim. Your little secret.

Frustrated, you can’t clench around anything and your pussy walls threaten to flutter. Writhing against your restraints you groan hot and desperate. Noah turns off the vibrator and smirks. You follow his gaze to find Joakim has discreetly freed his angry cock from his sweatpants and is stroking himself. Still in his meeting.

“He’s thinking about you,” Noah declares; a hint of jealousy sparks in his eyes.

“I can see that.” Shy, your cheeks heat and you look up at the ceiling embarrassed.

“I’m going to get us some water and I’ll be back. Seems like his meeting is taking longer than he anticipated.”

Noah glances at the computer screen before shutting the bedroom door behind him. You can’t help but look at the screen again. Joakim is stroking himself faster. Precum glistens at the tip of his cock. When his eyes meet yours, he slows his movement, teasing you and himself. Transfixed, you barely acknowledge that Noah has returned with two bottles of water until you jump from the ice-cold sensation on your puckered nipple. You glare at him as he places the cold bottle of water on the bedside table.

“Hey, I was just trying to cool you off.” Noah chuckles as he unfastens one cuff around your wrist and leg. He helps you sit up and drink, instantly the bed sheets dampen from your arousal. You fidget nervously as Noah sets the bottle down.

“Are you good?” Concern fills his eyes as he searches yours.

“Yeah, better now,” you flash him a small smile.

“Good.” Noah binds your wrist again and kisses your forehead. When he grabs your ankle to bind it again his eyes darken slightly. “I see,” his gaze tracks the wet spot on the sheets then meets yours. “Don’t be embarrassed, it’s totally normal and Jolly loves it.” Noah crawls onto the bed with the vibrator back in his hand. You notice Joakim has tucked himself back into his sweats and his hands grip onto the arms of the chair.

“You are glowing, an ethereal beauty, darling,” Noah purrs. “Let’s show him what he’s missing.” Noah turns on the vibrator again but this time presses it gently against your clit. You cant against the vibration your clit throbbing at the friction.

“Breathe,” Noah instructs and you comply sucking in a big breath. “That’s it relax.” Noah circles the wand around your clit then lowers it towards your entrance. Your legs tense as the coil in your core winds up. He circles one more time around your clit before turning it off. Agitated you hiss a curse. Noah revels in your body’s response to his torture. When you look back at the screen, it goes black. Adrenaline courses through your veins. “What if I just leave you here, wet and needy.” Noah turns the vibrator back on but on a higher setting and plunges a finger into your drenched pussy. You throw your head back and shut your eyes tight, fighting your body to not come undone. Just as the wave threatens to crash, Noah gets up and turns the vibrator off.

“Dammit, Noah.” Your lids flutter open and your jaw drops. Joakim is totally naked and is lining up his angry cock against your throbbing entrance.

“I love and hate you both.” Joakim plunges in and out of you. He strokes himself a few times and shoos Noah out with a ‘get out of here you creep’ then curses him in his native tongue.

“Fuck you too.” Noah flips Joakim off before leaving.

“Now where were we?” Joakim leans down and flicks his tongue over your sensitive clit. You buck against his tongue begging for more. Joakim digs his fingernails into your thighs as he laps up your arousal. “I’m going to miss you so much. Not just this-” he looks up at you. “But you. You are the light of my life, a blessing to all of us.” You blush at his compliment.

“I’m going to miss all of you too, but especially this.” You wiggle to bring yourself closer to him. Joakim chuckles against your center before licking from entrance to clit. He grips your hips and aligns himself with your entrance teasing it with tip.

“Me too,” he grunts plunging in and out of you, thrust after thrust chipping away at the dam about to burst. "You are close baby. I can feel it. Come for me dear. Come hard on my cock."

You scream his name as his permission sends you over the edge. Your body tenses and trembles as he fucks you through your mind-blowing orgasm. Joakim grunts, finding his release soon after. He stills inside you reveling in the moment as you both come down from your highs. With a satisfied sigh, he pulls from you and releases your ankles. Kissing each and rubbing the sore flesh. When he comes to your side he plants a kiss on your forehead and then onto your lips.

"I love you" he mumbles against your lips. Your chest warms and you kiss him back. "I love you too," you confess as he unbinds your wrists. He kisses each wrist before heading to the en suite bathroom to get a towel to clean up. After you both dress, Joakim pulls you into an embrace.

“I’m really going to miss you. We will be playing in town in a few weeks and you of course are VIP. “

“Thank you,” your heart overflows with happiness. You will miss seeing him and the guys, but you still get to help Joakim with work while he is away on tour.

Joakim leans into you to whisper into your ear, “The toys are Bluetooth compatible so we can buzz you any time.” When he pulls back he smirks wide and you just shake your head at him before pulling him into another hug.

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mistypsych · 11 months

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ANATOMY OF A CRIMINAL yoongi / suga / agust d (teaser)

summary: as a doctor you never expected to be dragged into “the criminal life”, nothing and no one seems to be true anymore, your whole world turns upside down after you save him.

pairings: yoongi mob boss x f.reader x non idol bts members.

warnings: smut, guns, knives, stabbings, blood, gore, murders, drugs, criminals, gang life, medical emergency, illness, abuse, swearing, angst, dubcon, gang violence, corruption, manipulation, lies, cheating - 18+ minors dni.

Note: Hi! This is an attempt of writing a fanfic long after writing anything at all. Please also keep in mind English is no longer my first language and it might be a bit rusty and odd at times but I try my best. The story is a non idol BTS fanfic with Suga being the main character. Hope the teaser catchers your attention! Let me know if you want to be in the tag list.

Blood was pumping threw your body with speed that seemed to be at hundreds miles per hour. The dizziness that came from all the adrenalin was slowly creeping up your brain. Your heart tried to climb out threw your now completely dry throat. You still couldn’t fathom how in the world you turned out to be naive and blind enough to find yourself in this damn situation.

The fact that the person who dragged you into all of this was standing petrified and held at gunpoint, was not making it any easier. The tall and well built male whom others referred to as Joon was staring you down while holding his silver piece close to Jungkooks head. “You better not try some bullshit bitch!” he snarled angrily. His gaze was locked onto your back. You could swear you felt the heat of his eyes burning threw your skin.

You were sweaty, your hair was messy and stuck to your forehead. While elbows deep in blood you tried to stop the hemorrhaging. The long haired male laying in front of you with horrific wounds was getting paler by the minute. You were smart enough to figure out he most likely was the boss of this whole group of questionable men.

“He needs a fucking hospital!” a hoarse scream flew out of your lips while you were desperately trying to stop the blood. At this point you felt it was almost overflowing the whole abdominal cavity.

The brunette moved up and took his gun away from your colleges head just to put it to your temple. The coldness of the metal sent a shiver down your spine. You swallowed the dry ball forming in your mouth. You were slowly out of ideas. This was not a place for dealing with such wounds. In your mind you knew the young man should be on an operating table with blood bags hanging already. “I said no fucking hospitals!” the roared words snapped you back to reality and pierced threw you like an arrow.

“No way in hell am I gonna pull this shit off” you thought to yourself almost giving up. You were at the point of exhaustion you slowly stoped to care if you got shot or not. In all honesty you were slowly shitting yourself, the scenario of this whole fucked up deal was staring to hit you hard. Not only was some thugs life on the line but so was yours and your friends. The same damn friend who got you into this predicament in the first place.

As much as you wanted to rip Kooks stupid head right off his shoulders, you knew you had to focus on the task. It was the only way out of there. You closed your eyes trying to forget about the cold sting coming from the weapon that was painfully pushed against your scull.

Exhaling threw your nose loudly you suddenly thought of something. It was brutal but you had to try. “Get me salt!” you finally spat out. “Are you fucking crazy?!” one of the men standing at the door growled. He was shorter and of a lighter built but still had something about him that made your skin crawl. All of them made you feel extremely uneasy and wonder if you were gonna die even if you end up saving their main man. You saw them. You knew their faces and location. Were they really gonna let you walk out of there breathing?

Looking into the still not moving gangsters misty eyes you gritted your teeth. “I SAID GET ME SOME DAMN SALT YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!” the words shot out of your mouth faster then you could think them threw. Luckily the insult only got them to move and fetch what you wanted. In a different situation you could imagine such talkback would only earn you a proper wack.

Jungkook looked at you with worried eyes. He was trembling a bit knowing what you were planning on doing. He heard some stories about this so called “last hope” method. It was mainly used at the military when doctors were out of supplies and tools. He knew you were always fascinated by medical work in the army. Still he prayed that you had at least the slightest idea about what you were doing and were aware of all the possible outcomes.

Of course you weighed your options. This approach was not something you would do while at the hospital but given your situation you had little to no choice. You could let this shady dude die and have your life taken with him or you could try and use a risky method.

Taking the pack of salt in your surprisingly steady hands you looked at the full of lesions and oozing abdomen. Taking a deep breath you tossed the powder.

Everyone in the room except for your coworker looked in utter shock and went silent for a while. Then a “The fuck you think you are doing?!” was let out in a high pitched note by someone.

You barely made out the next obscenities that were being thrown around by the now very anxious group of criminals. You steered yourself into your work zone. Staring at the cavity you already knew you dealt your cards well. The blood finally stopped flooding in and you could now start looking for all the torn vessels and start stitching them up.

Once more you closed your eyes, moved your head to both sides. The motion let out a loud crack and gave a little relief to your aching neck. Grabbing the suturing kit from the medical bag you began to work your magic.

Being a highly well trained trauma surgeon made you capable of working fast and efficiently under hefty amounts of stress. But no training at the hospital could prepare you for being trapped in a hellhole stitching up some shady persona while being held at gunpoint. And sure as fuck no one had you ready for all that was about to come next in your life…

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angelsanarchy · 3 months

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Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N One-Shot Series PRT 27

Tagging:@roryculkinluvr@thatsthewrongwallcraig@icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06@shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver@ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999 @x-prettyboy-x @rorylover71 @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27

Jack goes back into treatment without fighting Dr. Carty. He suspects he'll be in for a long stay but they decide to only keep him for little under a full month. They felt like too much time in the facility could set him back in the other areas to which he's improved. Once he got back on his medications, his body physically felt different. He felt like he was getting back to a content calmness in his skin again. The stitches had healed over and every time he looked at them he felt mortified thinking about what had happened with Y/n.

Dr. Carty had made mention to him y/n agreeing to let him add her as a contact. He hadn't received any calls or visits from her but he didn't expect to.

"What are you worried about Jack?" Carty pulled him out of his head.

"I guess whether or not I can fix things with Y/n or not. I feel like she's smart enough to know that she doesn't need the additional stress in her life." Jack explained sadly.

"Well then it's best to develop a plan in advance to deal with both outcomes." He informed.

"How?" Jack asked confused.

"Well if she doesn't want to forgive you or doesn't think she can handle you, you need to accept that and find a way to move forward. You can't make people stay Jack. People will come and go but you can't let that destroy you. You have to be okay with being alone." Dr. Carty had a point, as bummed out as it made him.

"I mean I know that on some level I just don't know if I'll bounce back that fast if she writes me off. I might need to like...check back in?" Jack scrunches his face.

"If you ever feel like you can't handle things on your own, you know you can check back in. That doesn't mean this place is forever, you're learning that now." He explained. Jack looked down at his hands.

"Have you thought about what happens if she does forgive you?" Carty asked seeing Jack sit back in his chair.

"I mean...I guess shit can't like go back to normal, can it?" Jack said unsure of what he was going to do in either instance.

"No it can't. The best thing you can do is acknowledge your behavior, not make any promises that it won't happen again because you know this is for life and just try your best to communicate your struggles with her." Jack laughed darkly.

"What woman wouldn't want an absolute headcase?" Jack asked making Dr. Carty sigh.

"Jack, you can't consider yourself less than because you have mental illnesses. If you continue to do that, you will constantly live in a state of self deprecating negativity. Just be yourself. Stop letting these drugs, these diagnoses define who you are." There was a knock at the door and one of the hospital admins came in.

"Mr. Thurlow's ride is here." She said softly. Carty gave her a nod and she exited as he looked Jack over.

"Are you ready?" He asked and Jack nodded.

"I'm ready. Thank you for...everything." Jack shook Carty's hand and he nodded his head.

"Focus on the list of things you wanted to accomplish once you got back home Jack. Don't get distracted." He pressed as Jack walked out of his office. The ride back to the house felt longer than the ride to the hospital but when he enters the house, it feels different. He drops the bag by the steps and looks around, seeing the kitchen has been cleaned up and their is a note on the counter.

"I cleaned up the house so you didn't come home to a bunch of blood and shit. You also had a ton of things dropped on the porch so I moved them to the attic. I got groceries Friday when the Doctor told me you were coming home. I'm working night shift this week so please don't go to the house."

Jack pulled out his phone and sat on the couch for what seemed like two hours trying to figure out what to text her. He finally settled on

Jack: I'm home...thanks for cleaning the house and filling the fridge.

He regretted it the moment he pressed send. She was quick to respond though.

Y/n: No problem.

Her response was simple. He wished she would have given him more to work with.

Jack: Do you think maybe you'll have time to talk sometime this week?

Her response didn't come as quickly as the last. He started smoking a cigarette on the porch and started pacing.

Y/n: Look Jack, if this talk is going to be full of reminders of how fucked you are in the head and how you warned me that I deserve better or whatever self deprecating bullshit..you can save it. What I really deserve is a sincere apology and what the fuck reason you decided to come off your meds. I don't want to have a conversation without real accountability.

Jack read the response and felt like he still had a chance to salvage this. He felt like she was giving him an opportunity to really think about what he was going to say the next time they were together.

Jack: Okay.

His answer was simple and direct. He was listening to what she wanted from him and he wanted to be ready for that conversation once they had it. He owed her all of those things and he wanted to give them to her when she was ready to receive them. Until then, he grabbed something from the fridge and climbed the stairs to his bedroom where a brand new, color-coded pill case sat with a little white bow on it. He smiled to himself before taking the bow off and filling it with his meds.

#Jack Thurlow #Jack Thurlow x YN #Jack Goes Home #One Shot Series #Glass Houses #Glass Houses Series #Rory Culkin #Culkin Cult #27/38

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readyplayerhobi · 1 year

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Because, I Love You | 06

; Jungkook x Older!Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst, (very) slight smut

; Word Count: 3.4k

; Warnings: Pregnancy, discussions of abortion, giving up a baby, creampie, insinuated sex

; Synopsis: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks then.

; A/N: If you’re reading this after it’s just come out - chapter 5 released only a few days ago! Otherwise, make sure to read the warnings on the masterlist and the first chapter...you’ll notice that things happening in this chapter do NOT line up with what happens in the first chapter, and the reasons for that are listed as warnings on the masterlist. The next chapter will be clearly labelled with warnings as it may be uncomfortable for some to read, or some people may not want to read it all! This is an advance warning for the next chapter!

; Masterlist

Jungkook hasn’t stopped moving since you’d come out of the bathroom. Flexing his hands, wringing his fingers, walking from one side of the bedroom to the other, chewing on his lip - he’s currently being a walking billboard for nerves. You fully understand him, but the bubbling anxiety in your own stomach would rather he stop.

“For god's sake, will you sit down? You’re making me feel even more tense.” You snap at him, the words filled with a venom that you don’t actually feel and you immediately feel bad. Especially when he stops all movement, his shoulders hunching slightly and a cowed look on his face.

Sighing, you reach out to him. He takes a second to decide before walking over to you, letting you take his hand and sitting next to you on the bed. You give him a tug, causing him to fall into you with no resistance as you lean back against the pillows.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Are you okay?”

“Are you?” Jungkook fires back, shuffling about until he’s laid next to you with his head on your shoulder. It’s a familiar position, but there’s a subtle tenseness between you both that neither of you brings up. There’s no need to, not when you both know the reason why.

“Good question-”

Before you can say anything, the alarm on your phone blares out from the bedside table. For a second, you both just stare at it as it vibrates across the surface, its song getting progressively louder the longer you ignore it. Finally, you reach out and turn it off.

Gently pushing at Jungkook, you sit up and take a deep breath. You go to reach out to the table again, but Jungkook suddenly reaches over you to take your hand. Looking at him, he gives you a tentative smile and squeezes gently.

“I love you.” He says, the words firm. It's a statement, not a question, and your chest gets a little fuzzy. Love for him wells up from deep within, making it feel a little harder to breathe and you give him a quick kiss in return, letting your body get across your reciprocal feelings before you grab the stick.

A quick glance at it makes your eyes widen, and it’s like your brain shuts down for a moment. Not a single thought passes through as you read the word on the white stick, nor as you read the second stick or the third.

Positive.

“Oh shit.” You state, breathing the words out and Jungkook almost deflates next to you. There’s something final about reading that word on a pregnancy test, on three pregnancy tests, even though you’d been pretty sure that you were pregnant before you took them. The symptoms had been too prominent for someone who was never ill, but there’s always the chance of ‘maybe it’s just a cold’ in the back of your head.

This solidifies it. You’re pregnant. You’ve got a tiny bunch of cells that are currently multiplying inside you, giving your body the signal that it no longer needs to menstruate and instead needs to start making a comfy home for the foetus that will grow and grow. There’s probably a subtle signal somewhere being sent to up the hormones that will make your body shift and change through the months, that will tell your pelvis to widen in the later stages and all that lovely stuff.

There’s a tiny bunch of cells growing inside you that is a perfect mix of Jungkook and you. Half of his DNA, half of your DNA. Half of your boyfriend of only nine months, half of you. A totally, unplanned and unwanted bunch of cells that had managed to be created despite birth control.

Yeah, okay, so you couldn’t take the Pill because it messed up with your mental health more than your antidepressants could handle and you didn’t have the implant because you hated needles and you didn’t have the IUD because you were a baby and didn’t want to be in pain. But you both used condoms, and you were now discovering why condoms have one of the highest failure rates. Sure, it would’ve helped if you’d done more than one, but it was a little late to think of that now.

Frowning down at the sticks, you don’t even notice the way you’re pouting at them. Your mind is too full of thought suddenly, the exact opposite of a few moments ago. You were pregnant, you were fucking pregnant. You were going to have a goddamn baby.

“So…erm, what do we do now? What do you do? I mean…what do you want to do?” There’s a quiver in Jungkook’s voice, and you look at him quietly. His normally bright eyes are even wider than normal, and his tan skin is paler than normal. The panic and fear you were feeling internally are clear to see on his face, and you note that he’s never looked younger.

Okay, so the two of you had tangentially discussed the possibility of a baby when you’d brought up that you thought you were pregnant. He’d been supportive and had been with you to buy the pregnancy tests and had waited quietly with you. But it had all been in a ‘haha, image if we had a baby!’ way, not as in an ‘okay, so what if you’re actually pregnant?’ way.

Staring into his eyes, you realise the differences between you both more clearly than ever. He was only twenty-five and had just started a new job, at your urging. He lived at home with his parents, and you’d only been together nine months. You were thirty-one with a stable job, a good income, and a house with a mortgage.

For a moment, you consider your options in your head before you speak. You need to get your thoughts together. You could abort the pregnancy and everything could carry on like normal, or you could go through the pregnancy and give up the baby…or you could have the baby. A little boy or girl that was half Jungkook, half the man you loved.

“I…I don’t want to get rid of it.” You say out loud, the words out of your mouth before you even realise it. Once you’ve said them though, you know that you’ve made the right choice there. He might disagree with you, and that would probably be the end of your relationship. You wouldn’t make him stay and raise a kid if he didn’t want to. But you knew that you wanted this baby with a deep conviction.

Whether he stayed with you or not, you would be having Jeon Jungkook’s baby.

“I’m…I mean…I’m sorry. I don’t know what you…I mean I…I want this baby,” Looking at him, you take a deep breath to try and calm your racing heart. “I don’t know if you want this baby too, and I won’t force anything on you. But I don’t want to abort it, and I don’t want to give it away. I want to have this baby. If I think logically, then I feel I can cope with this. It’s not particularly ideal, and I wish we’d both discussed this all and planned it and been trying, but I’ll take it. I’ve got a good job, a house, a car, my family and friends so…I can do this. I’ve known I always wanted to be a mom, I wasn’t expecting it this soon but, yeah. I can’t explain why but…I just know that I want it.” The words are jumbled, and you know it was probably a terrible explanation, but you just can’t get into words the soul-deep feeling of rightness.

Jungkook’s silent, and you wonder if he’s angry or annoyed with you. Maybe he thinks you’re disregarding his feelings and thoughts, but you’re also the one who will be growing the foetus, who will be giving birth or who would be the one to have the abortion. Whatever happens, you’re going to have to take the brunt of the physical or mental toil no matter what choice is made.

Still, the ache you feel in your heart at the thought of losing him is so strong. If he doesn’t want this, then he can leave and never look back. He might choose to sign away his parental rights if he really doesn’t want to be involved, or he might just pay child support. Maybe in a few years, he’d want to get involved in the baby's life. Or maybe he’ll just become ‘the guy who fathered your child’.

It hurts to think he might do that, but you know it’s his choice. Just as it’s your choice to have the baby. You’ve only been together nine months, it’s a lot to ask for a relationship that was still new. Hell, you didn’t even live together yet.

Taking his hand, you squeeze it gently before pressing a kiss to it. He doesn’t respond except to watch you, his face no longer reminding you of a deer caught in headlights. If you look closely enough, you’d probably be able to see the gears working in his head as he thinks.

“Whatever you decide, make sure it’s what you want, okay? I don’t want you to choose to stay if you hate the thought of having a kid. I know we’ve both said we want to be parents, but we clearly thought that was going to be in the future. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.” Your smile is tight but sincere.

“You really think I’d just abandon you like that? Knock you up and then just fuck off? I’m not an asshole.” Jungkook mutters, but there’s no venom behind it. He’s not angry or upset, more contemplative and you take it as a good sign. A small sign, but good nonetheless.

“No, you’re not. You’re quite possibly the best man I’ve ever met in my life and sometimes I think you’re this Disney prince come to life because you’re a little too perfect. But then I remember how bad your farts smell and I realise you’re definitely real. I don’t think you’re an asshole, and I don’t think you’d abandon me. But it’s not abandoning to think of yourself and what you can handle. I’d rather you tap out now, or at least before the baby is born, instead of a few years down the line. That whole bullshit about ‘staying together for the kids’? Like I said, it’s bullshit. I don’t want you to grow to resent me and the baby because you didn’t want to stay in the first place, but you wanted to do what you thought was right. I want you to stay if you genuinely want this.” Neither of you says anything, but you take it as a positive that he’s still holding your hand.

Who knew that you’d be having this kind of intense and personal conversation tonight? Part of you just wants to wind back the time, ignore your symptoms and pretend like nothing was happening. But that was a stupid thing to want because it wouldn’t change anything.

“You realise how unfair this whole thing is, right?” There’s a brief second where you think he’s going to start arguing or complaining to you, and you’re not entirely sure what you’d do if he did. It’s not like neither of you knew what the possible outcome of sex was. Thankfully, he continues before you can let your mind wander down the darker paths.

“It’s not fair if I decide like…in seven months that ‘actually, I don’t want to be a dad, bye!’ and then just fuck off. You can’t do that. After a certain point, that’s it. You’re stuck having the baby whether you want it or not.” He exclaims, those pretty eyes widening and his lips pursing into that pout he does when he’s overly emotional.

“I mean, I could still give the baby away.” You point out.

“Yeah, but that means you still went through months of your body changing and then either pushing a watermelon out of your vagina! Or like…got your fucking stomach cut open! I’ve read enough Reddit to know that you could have some serious health complications from a pregnancy, but I can still just waltz off and decide ‘nah bro, I don’t want this’.” He’s ranting now, and you recognise the outrage in his voice as his ‘I-am-morally-opposed-to-this’ tone. It’s usually reserved for something more mundane like Black Widow being the one to die or some game mechanics he finds bullshit.

“I mean…yeah, but we can’t really do anything about that-” You start to say but he interrupts you, linking your fingers together in a move you’re so used to, yet makes your heart flutter at this very moment.

“Yeah, and it’s shit. I don’t even know why I’m mad about this, we can’t change it. I just…” He pauses, his jaw working as he tries to formulate words his mind hasn’t thought of yet before carrying on. “I love you. I…I didn’t think this would happen, which is dumb because everyone knows what could happen if you have sex but you never think it’ll happen to you, right? And maybe I’m not thinking it through properly or something because I’m shocked, but I know that…I know you’re gonna be a great mom. And maybe this isn’t the best timing-wise, given we don’t even live together yet, but…I think I can be a great dad, too?”

Despite his words, he sounds unsure of himself and you smile brightly. Letting go of his hand, you cup his face in your hands and kiss his nose affectionately.

“You’d be a great dad, but don’t let me influence you.”

“I’m not, I’m thinking about myself in nine months and whether I can see myself with a baby. It’s weird to think about but…I think I can. I’m fucking terrified and I’ll probably mess up so much shit but…as long as you’re terrified too and won’t make fun of me for messing up. I think we could do this.” Jungkook is hesitant, but his smile slowly starts to grow as he talks until finally, it’s a nervous grin.

Your stomach fizzles with a blend of feelings you can’t identify, but you lean in and kiss him on the lips this time. His own hands cover yours and he kisses back, holding on when you go to move back. There’s nothing sexual in it, instead, you just feel content and full of love for him.

“Are you sure? I mean, as sure you can be after just finding this out.” A snort of laughter leaves him at that.

“I have no urge to run away screaming if that’s what you mean. I just…need to get myself mentally ready, you know? We’ll need to do a lot…for starters, I think we should probably move in together before the baby is here. Oh my god, we’re having a baby. We’re going to have a baby together, me and you. I’m gonna be a dad.” Grinning, you nod and press a quick kiss to his lips once more.

“Yeah, you’ll be a real DILF. And you’ll finally find a willing victim for all your lame jokes.” That breaks him out of the mental path of panic he’s going down, and he narrows his eyes at you.

“Hey, my jokes are great. Our kid’s gonna laugh cos I’m hilarious.”

“Oh yeah, you’re a real comedian, babe,” Pausing, you look at him seriously and grab both of his hands once more, bringing them up to your face and pressing them to your lips. “Seriously, though, are you sure?”

“Yes. I love you, and I don’t want to leave you. We both knew the risks of sex, and I’m proud to say it was some pretty fantastic fucking sex. We’ve got nine months to learn everything about babies.” He nods firmly before pulling you into him and hugging tightly. In his hold, you feel so much of your stress and tension flood out of you and know that he’s being honest. How you’d managed to get Jeon Jungkook would forever be a mystery, but you were going to thank the universe every day for him.

Curling into him, you both fall back onto the bed as a heavy but peaceful silence falls over you. Both of you are thinking hard, but there’s no sign of nerves or panic anymore. What had happened, had happened. You were pregnant, and you were going to have his baby. And if things worked out, then he’d be by your side the whole way.

“I love you…and thank you.” You whisper, so soft yet filled with so much hidden meaning. Thank you for staying whilst you waited, thank you for not running away the moment you heard the word ‘pregnant’, thank you for being you. You doubted you’d ever loved him more than you did at that moment. A sudden thought hits you and you grin against his chest.

"I've just realised…do you know what this means?" You ask, playing with the soft fabric of his shirt and tracing meaningless shapes onto his stomach. It always amazed you how damn flat it was when he lay down, something you could never relate to.

"Err…a baby?" Jungkook states, confusion in his voice and you laugh. Well, he's not wrong but he clearly had a more innocent thought process than you. Which isn’t surprising, he’s probably still processing everything that’s just happened. Honestly, he’s taken it a lot better than you thought he would have and it makes you feel confident about the future.

"Well, yeah, but I was thinking more that we can go raw now. I can finally have you cum in me." There's no response from Jungkook for a moment and you glance up at him to see his eyes wide and jaw dropped.

"What do you mean, finally? Have you been thinking about this?" It certainly worked to distract him away from wherever his thoughts are meandering and you giggle at how scandalised his voice is. Like he’d never thought you could be that crude. He should know better than now.

"Look, your secret kink is to have me sit on your face…mine is to have you cum in me. If we're gonna have a baby then we may as well get this out in the open."

Jungkook is flabbergasted and he splutters his brain short-circuiting as he tries to process the sudden shift in topics and the x-rated tone of your conversation now. Talking about your kinks was something you probably would’ve expected around now in your relationship, and you’d decided that if you were going to have a baby then you could certainly reveal your desire to have him orgasm inside you. Especially when you could do it now.

"How did…what do you sit on…what!?" He protests, causing you to roll your eyes.

"You've tried to get me to do it multiple times, you love going down on me and you actually do love my ass and thighs. As much as it baffles me, I accept it. You’re not sly, the only reason I never asked for mine is because…well baby. We’ve established we’re both clean, but given I’m not on birth control… now there’s no reason. We can finally do it." Lifting onto one elbow, you grin broadly at his stunned expression and from the dazed look in his eyes, you can tell he’s suddenly imagining being balls-deep in you with so no condom.

Not only the look in his eyes, but the way the material of his sweatpants shifts at his groin. Maybe it’s not his kink yet, but part of him certainly likes the idea of it.

“We’ve literally just had a life-changing event happen and you want me to cum in you?” Now he looks at you, one brow raised and you bite your lip at how damn attractive he is.

“Look, we can’t do anything about the baby right now…we’ve had the discussion and we can have more discussions in the upcoming days and weeks and months. I’ve just confessed my biggest kink to you, and now I would very much like to ride you until we can make my fantasy come to life. Can we?”

He doesn’t respond for a moment, his entire body freezing before he suddenly sits up and tugs his shirt off.

“Can we record this?”

“Fuck yes we can.”

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader

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icedmetaltea · 1 month

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Yesterday was ok, today anxiety's been awful again...

(rambling abt anxiety and nonsense venting below)

felt dizzy/bit of vertigo throughout the morning and when I checked my BP it was 154/108 so that scared the shit out of me... I took a bit of propranolol and that seems to be helping but I'm worried bc when I asked about what a dangerous BP was my stepdad said 160 and up and that's uncomfortably close. The last time it was high it was only like 140/90 so this was really scary

I called the number the crisis ppl give me from a resource sheet on friday again since I never got a response after leaving a message on monday but this time they told me to call yet another number and they said I couldn't get any kind of help till I came to their office to fill out some forms and like??? I CAN'T LEAVE MY FUCKING APARTMENT

Do these people never get ppl with severe agoraphobia?? The last time I had a full-on panic attack I screamed at the top of my lungs and had to call 911 to get ppl to calm me down so I'd stop hyperventilating, you want me doing that in public again??????

Anyway she told me I can call the supervisor and see if she could make an exception in my case BUT ofc she wasn't available and I had to leave a message, no clue when I'll hear back and when I do I doubt she'll even be able to help me

I fucking hate this system. This is why so many people kill and hurt themselves. When they are lost, when there's nowhere else to turn. When the crisis ppl come they give you a whole list of resources but what is there for people like me who are stuck at home, broke, unable to work bc they literally cannot function like this when it gets this bad every couple of months (sometimes more frequently)

it's either go to a psych ward where they'll pump you full of meds that'd just give me the same "locked in" panic attacks which trust me are far worse than toughing it out at home where at least it isn't bright and loud and horrible or face shit on your own

I thought it was starting to get better, yesterday I cooked 3 meals for myself, I went outside and sat on the step for 5 mins, today I can't get out of bed bc every time I try the room spins. Even when I'm laying down like this it's bad. Even if I close my eyes it's bad... I slept better last night and I thought I was doing well but no, midway through the day everything's horrible again. I keep feeling out of breath no matter how many deep breaths I take... other times I feel like there's "too much air" and I'm breathing too fast and can't slow it down... how do I even describe it??

I feel like I'm going insane but at the same time I know it's been this bad and worse before. I remember my childhood. I remember laying on the floor struggling to breathe, alone. I remember begging god to take this sensation of dread to go away, or to just let me die. Anxiety has a habit of always seeming... idk unfamiliar? No matter how many panic attacks you have, they always feel new

and what's worse is I can't even remember how I eventually always overcome these phases bc I ground rule growing up stemming from OCD I had at the time was I wasn't allowed to write anything in a journal bc it was "bad luck" or something (at the very least my OCD isn't nearly as bad these days) Idk if it takes days, weeks or months to get better. If I spend half a year or longer just waiting for things to get better then like um... it kinda becomes a quality of life issue, doesn't it?

Idk maybe it's the weather. It's 65 rn, yesterday it was mid forties, so maybe that's it. Well then I'm fucked bc it's only gonna get warmer as it approaches summer, and ya know climate change and everything wooooo

Doesn't help that the past two times when my stepdad witnessed me having those really bad attacks he said I should go to a padded cell or something... I know where he grew up there was no such thing as mental illnesses or therapy, only "crazy and not crazy", but damn it hurts. At least my bio dad understood what was going on to some extent. He knew anxiety was out my control, that I was going through it but that it didn't make me "crazy", just that my body was reacting physically to something seemingly unsurmountable on a mental level.

My stepdad was even surprised when I told him anxiety is the second most common mental illness nation-wide. I've talked to many other bad anxiety-sufferers, the reason you don't see us outside a lot is bc most of us are inside afraid to leave our houses! We're literally just trying to survive in bodies with malfunctioning nervous systems and in a society that literally is built around causing stress on a daily basis- on normal people, so just think about how that is if you literally have the being-stressed-out disorder my guy

it also seems like whenever I talk to my mom about this she tries to immediately talk about something else. Like I messaged her earlier today and when I brought up feeling dizzy and having a high BP she just said "Sorry you're having a challenging day! We're at the library getting library cards. Libraries are nice!" like sure some ppl like talking about light hearted stuff to distract them but sometimes I just need someone to be there and listen, you know? All it does is make me clam up and bottle all my emotions in, which ofc makes it worse.

I'm scared to check my BP again. I feel like there's something terribly wrong with my body but it's not as if I can see a doctor if I can't 1. afford it till medicaid processes or 2. fucking go to the doctor. You want me to have another one of those soul-crushing panic attacks and shriek around some stranger in an uber?? Hell no

So yea idk what to do. I have a math test this weekend and I've barely studied at all, can't get myself to focus on anything. I can't drop out again, I've already failed this class twice. I don't think they'd let me take it again and I'm pretty sure I've run out of financial aid to pay for it

Ofc mom and dad are gone, my sister said she'd visit me the other day but "forgot" to, so I'm alone. Completely and entirely alone.

The one thing I have going for me is the PMDD won't start up for another week or two so at the very least I have a will to live rn. Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand but since it's just anxiety atm I'm still able to have the motivation to cook and clean when I'm not ya know unable to get out of bed bc my heart is beating out of my chest

When it does come back, well... I'll keep those crisis numbers on speed dial. I've survived all this horseshit, I might as well make it worth something. Idk maybe the thing I'll keep living for rn is a fucking pet fish someday. I have to hold on to every tiny thing that gets me through the day bc there is a chance, even if extremely slim, that things will in fact get better

#irl stuff #vent #tw anxiety #tw panic attacks #tw suicide #tw mental health #journal #kinda

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bsnotoneaskedfor · 1 year

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Tired MK

Before you judge, hear me out.

MK goes through SO much shit because of his "Monkey Kid" status. Like, a ton. As someone who is a teen and struggles with mental health it is so obvious that MK has been spiraling since day one. The poor dude is going to die of anxiety and depression before the Lady Bone Bitch tries to order a smackdown with a side of trauma. MK is also a people pleaser. He legit is always trying to live up to people's standards and be "just like Monkey King".

Here's the thing: I also suffer from trying to please everyone and let me tell you that shit is exhausting. Fuck magic, the thing that really makes this show fiction is that MK hasn't had a massive mental breakdown. He's had baby ones, that are still valid, but he's pushed them aside because "he has to be the hero". He never really shows signs of emotional distress besides the show poking fun at it or using it for plot. For those in the comments, please don't try to psychoanalyze the show to prove me wrong. This is just what I have seen. So, with this being said, there is something I really would love to see and have adopted it as my personal headcannon.

MK being done with everyone's shit.

Not, "MK's tired", or "MK's sassy ;D", or even Mk going through an emo phase.

I want absolutely 100% done MK.

I want to see him surviving on coffee or energy drinks because the weight of everyone's expectations keeps him up at night. I want him mad when people start blaming him/looking to him for answers because "he's the Monkey Kid". I want him done with Wukong's bullshit. I want my realistic representation of burnout and mental illness. I want to see him trying to get better and no longer caring about calling people out for being toxic.

I don't know if I'm 100% explaining this right because words are really hard so here are some examples of what I see my MK head cannon as.

(This one's based off that one TikTok audio where the guy yells at the cats to get off the couch)

MK: *Sitting peacefully, attempting to do homework or some other quiet activity*

Macaque and Wukong : *fighting like feral cats*

MK: (almost roars it) STOP IT!

Macaque and Wukong : *is startled and a little afraid*

MK : LEARN TO FUCKING GET ALONG OR SO HELP ME I'LL TEST THE LIMITS OF YOUR IMMORTALITY

Macaque and Wukong : *obeying, nearly about to piss themselves out of fear*

MK: *Deep Breath. Goes back to what he was doing*

Every Demon Within 50 miles : wtf was that?

--- -------------------------------------------------------------------------

MK: *chugging a coffee or energy drink*

Some Demon: *starts destroying the city*

MK : Dammit *Chugs faster. *

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wukong: Hey bud! When's the last time that you've slept?

MK: *completely deadpan* It is finals week.

Wukong : That doesn't answer-

MK:*getting angrier* I have to defend the city every damn day. I have to deal with your messes, including you. I train every day for at least 4 hours even when we don't meet up. I WORK FULL TIME AT THE GODDAMN NOODLE SHOP AND THEN I HAVE TO FUCKING STUDY FOR COLLEGE. WHEN IN THE NAME OF BUHDDA WOULD I BE ABLE TO SLEEP?!?!

Wukong : *sweats* So I see that you're stressed-

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Team Monkey : Why didn't you use [ insert power] to start with?!

MK: *sarcastic* I'm sorry. I thought we all deserved a nice bonding trip where we spent the entire time bickering and getting the shit beaten out of us. Was that supposed to be next week?!?

Team Monkey : . . .

MK: How about you guys make a list of everything I can do. That way, next time, we can just all look at it together and none of you blame me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Son : * trying to pick a fight and just being a dick in general*

MK: *Not having it* Do not make me duct tape you down so I can embroider your worst nightmares onto your skin, you pompous little fuck!

Red Son : . . .wtf

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Son : *Is pretty*

MK: *deep sigh of disappointment* I need therapy . . .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mei : * Gets the Samhadi Fire*

MK: *remembering all the shit and expectations he went through once he got his powers*

Mei: *About to have a breakdown*

MK: *laughs* Have fun

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Son: *breaks in at the middle of the night in an attempt to capture MK*

MK: *is awake because insomnia* So, do you , like, want some tea . . .?

May do a Pt 2

#lmk #lmk sun wukong #lmk macaque #lmk mei #lmk mk #lmk spicynoodles #lmk shadowpeach #lmk qi xiaotian #lego monkie kid #funnyshit #Mk is done

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moonlit-positivity · 2 months

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PSA

It is okay to be disabled

It is okay to be in chronic pain

It is okay to be struggling with depression or any other mental illnesses

It is okay if your pain interferes with your life

It is okay if you can't work a 9-5

It is okay if you can't work from home

It is okay if you can't work period

It is okay if you feel like work is not for you

If your body aches and is in constant pain and makes work hard, or if you've got the bad brain flakes interfering with your everyday life, please know your feelings on this are valid as fuck. It sucks to be in a position by society that the only options to live and get by, is to further damage your body mind soul and spirit beyond it's limits

It is okay if you need to quit working and take care of yourself, be it your physical or mental health and everything in between

IT IS OKAY IF YOU CANNOT WORK.

It is NOT OKAY that people judge for this

It is NOT OKAY that people consider government assistance "the lazy man's income" or "a handout"

GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE IS THERE TO HELP PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO HAVE CHRONIC ILLNESSES, PEOPLE WHO ARE ESCAPING ABUSE, PEOPLE STRUGGLING WITH ADDICTIONS, PEOPLE WHO ARE IN NEED OF HELP

SERIOUSLY

LETS STOP TELLING PEOPLE THEIR WORTH SOLELY DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH THEY CAN GET UP AND WORK & HOW MUCH MONEY THEY CAN MAKE

If you need government assistance, TAKE IT

APPLY FOR FOOD STAMPS. APPLY FOR DISABILITY. APPLY FOR SECTION 8. APPLY FOR ASSISTANCE. APPLY FOR A CASE MANAGER TO HELP YOU FIND OTHER RESOURCES IN YOUR AREA.

THERE IS NO SHAME IN LIVING OFF AN ASSISTED WAGE.

Now, the application process & how much funds you'll recieve? Thats a different story.

Get ready for: wait-lists.

Section 8 has like a 5 year wait-list behind it and disability can be even a longer process

There is such a huge disonnect in society on how to even RECOGNIZE when you need to quit working that 9-5 and TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEEDS IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

People will SEE YOU STRUGGLING AND THEN JUDGE YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK. BECAUSE THEY DONT FUCKING GET IT.

WORKING A 9-5 IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO QUIT. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LOOK FOR OTHER WAYS TO GET YOUR INCOME. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO ASK FOR HELP.

So if you happen to see this post and feel like you need a way out, PLEASE CONSIDER WHAT YOU NEED AND BREAK THOSE HARMFUL STEREOTYPES.

This can be some of the most HUMILIATING shit for a human to go through. To realize, hey, damn, I actually can't keep up anymore! I could use some help! And like NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO TALK ABOUT THAT. BECAUSE THEYRE TOO BUSY CALLING YOU "LAZY" BECAUSE YOU'RE IN PAIN AND YOU DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Tell these bitter mfs to fuck off and apply for whatever assistance you can get your hands on!

YOUR LIFE DOES NOT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S. IF YOU NEED A CHANGE OF PACE, TAKE IT.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #healing #boundaries #disability #disability awareness #disability positivity #trauma awareness #trauma informed #stigma #society #capitalism

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bella-rose29 · 6 months

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Not Your Lover - Chapter 7

a week late but it's finally here! I had assignments that were kicking my ass all week and for some reason I couldn't get this chapter right for ages (I really wanted it to be right bc its so important)

please don't hate me for what you're about to read

I'm maintaining the idea that Gregor knew the relationship was fake the whole time bc nikolai told him

Series master list

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of assault (from Davor), Nikolai being stupid about relationships, awkward conversations, panic attack, Evalina is a bitch, reader's mother is also a bitch, reader has a lot of doubts about herself, reader's father is a saint, mentions of divorce, reader is being mildly irrational (but at least she's aware of it), trust issues, unhappy ending to the chapter (sorry)

Tag list: @a-candle-maker, @bubybubsters, @el-de-phi, @hauntedenthusiasttragedy, @iambored24601, @itsyoboo-jassy, @karensirkobabes, @kentucky-criedfricken, @little8sun, @mrsklockwood, @mvidaaaa, @nalie-98, @naushtheaspiringauthor, @notoakay, @pietromaximoffsbabe, @simbaaas-stuff

As always, let me know here if you would like to be added to/removed from my Nikolai tag list <3

(not my image)

Gregor was startled when Nik came into the shop that morning, given the early hour.

He'd composed himself quickly upon hearing somebody walk in, terrified it would be him again, but when the undercover ex-royal's blond head poked through the doorframe instead, Gregor let out a small sigh of relief.

"You alright? You look a bit... ill," Nik asked, frowning as he stepped into the office.

"I'm fine," he stood a little straighter, still unsure how to act in Nik's presence. It had been a good few weeks since figuring out who his new apprentice was, but Gregor had no idea whether it was impolite to boss around the previous king of Ravka. Nik didn't seem to mind, though, and he really was good with machines. "What are you doing here this early?" He moved around the desk, shuffling papers in the hopes that the other man wouldn't notice how messy the room was.

"I, uh... needed some air. Figured you would be here, so I thought that I would come and see if you needed anything."

"What d'ya need air for? Relationship giving you problems?" Gregor joked, but upon seeing Nik's grimace he stopped laughing. "Shit, really?"

"No. Yeah. No- ugh, I don't know. It's difficult. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oi, don't change the subject on me, boy. Sit. Talk to me." It would take Gregor's mind off of what had happened before Nik walked in. The blond man slumped in a chair, legs sprawling and a hand running tiredly over his face.

"We had sex."

Gregor froze where he stood, not expecting that to be the cause for Nik's stress. "You... you had sex? And now you're, what, hiding?"

"Yes, I'm hiding, because she doesn't know who I am, Gregor, and she has severe trust issues, and I think I might actually have feelings for her!"

"Right..." Gregor lowered himself into his own chair, still processing everything. "So you had sex with your fake girlfriend, and now you think that you've got feelings."

"Yes. Saints, this is horrible."

"Well, it's not brilliant."

"Of course it isn't!"

"So-" Gregor broke off, sighing as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. "Just... talk to her. I'm sure she'll understand." Nik just stared at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

"You have met Y/n, haven't you? Doesn't like men in general, hates liars, had a very strong opinion on my personality based purely on what I look like?"

"She likes you too, idiot. She'd just rather die before admitting that she's got feelings for somebody again."

"What? She said that?"

"Not directly," Gregor shrugged, delighting in the way that the younger man sat up eagerly. "But she talks about you a lot, and she doesn't always have a demonic gleam in her eye like she wants to kill you when she does so. Besides, she's tolerated your presence a lot longer than she would if she didn't like you that way."

"Really? That still doesn't mean she won't react badly though. You know her, Gregor, she's not going to wrap me in a hug and ask me to marry her for lying to her face for weeks. I've gained her trust, and she's going to feel like I've broken it, and then she'll think that I'm like Davor, and I can't have her think I'm like him, because he's awful, and-"

"Alright! Take a breath, yeah? Look. At some point, she's gonna find out that you've been... obscuring certain parts of your life, yeah?" Nik nodded. "So she might as well find out from you, and it might as well happen very soon, because otherwise she will literally never talk to you again. Now, you've got it going for you that you have a genuine reason for not openly advertising who you really are, and from what I can tell, your intentions are good. Davor was an asshole- well, he still is, to be honest," Gregor swallowed, moving on quickly. "You at least are a good guy, yeah? So hopefully Y/n won't hate you for too long."

"Okay. I'll tell her later. Oh Saints, this won't be pretty, will it?"

"Not likely, no. But it's gotta be done, yeah?"

"Thank you, Gregor. Really." He nodded, smiling gently at Nik. They sat in silence for a while, Gregor staring mindlessly out the window and Nik with his hands over his face. "Did somebody break in?" Nik's voice was suddenly too loud in the office, and Gregor stiffened.

"Why?"

"Your paperwork is messier than usual. And the picture frame is wonky." Nik pointed to the photo of Gregor as a child, his parents and siblings surrounding him. He was right; it had been knocked. "Gregor... did something happen?"

"No. Nothing that matters. It's fine." He pushed out of the armchair, moving toward the door to the rest of the shop. Nik followed, springing up to stop him before he could leave and placing a hand on his arm. The action made Gregor flinch, and Nik took his hand back, concern clear on his face.

"Seriously, what happened?"

"Davor. He uh- he came in before you got here. Wanted to know stuff about you, asking questions about who you are. I didn't tell him anything, you know how good I am at keeping secrets, but he pushed me against that wall, that's why the picture's off. I'm fine, promise." Nik cursed under his breath, and Gregor looked down at his shoes. He was a grown man, for fuck's sake. Why was he scared of somebody thirty years younger than him? It was embarrassing, how threatened he felt, but he couldn't help it.

"Hey," Nik's voice was soft, and Gregor felt ashamed at the feel of tears on his cheeks. "I'll see what he wants, okay? See if I can get him out the town, yeah? If I really have to I'll write to the palace and come up with some grand masterplan to have him sent away to the Southern Colonies or something."

"You don't need to do that, Nik. It's alright. I'm fine."

"You keep saying that, but you're clearly not. If he's threatened you then I'm going to find out what it is he's after, okay? He needs to know that he can't keep doing this." Gregor met Nik's eyes, the sight slightly blurry from his tears but the sincerity in his gaze clear as anything. Gregor had never really understood how an entire country could put their trust in one man like they had with Nikolai when he was king, but seeing the determination and promise in his eyes, Gregor knew that Nikolai would do what he said.

It was a shame, really, that rumours had a tendency to ruin things. Nikolai would most certainly have been the best King that Ravka ever had.

~~~

When Y/n woke up, she frowned at the lack of warmth in the hotel room.

It didn't come as much of a surprise, given the incredibly shitty temperature control in the hotel and the fire dying out overnight, but usually she woke up on Nik's chest, his body heat keeping her warm.

Instead the bed was empty, and his clothes were gone.

Blinking the last of the sleep away, Y/n took deep breaths, hoping that Nik had simply gone to get breakfast, or was needed by Gregor. She stubbornly refused to listen to the voice in her head that was telling her that he was just like Davor, and pushed back the covers to get dressed.

A few minutes later footsteps sounded on the stairs, and the door was pushed open slowly (clearly trying not to disturb anyone) followed by Nik entering the room. "Oh, you're awake."

"Yeah. Not been up long. Where have you been?" It was awkward, an obvious tension in the air. Y/n was also stubbornly refusing to remember the night before.

"Went to see Gregor. Davor visited him, threatened him. I'm going to go and talk to him in a bit. Oh, I got breakfast, too." He passed over a brown paper bag, and Y/n recognised it as one of hers from the bakery.

"Thanks," she replied, internally wincing at the silence that followed. "I should... I should head to work."

"Yeah, of course." He moved to the side, freeing up the doorway. Y/n paused on her way out, one hand holding the door open, the other clutching the bag for dear life.

"Should- maybe- are we...? Should we talk?" She could feel her face heat up, and to her relief Nik started blushing too. At least she wasn't the only one flustered by the events of last night.

"Uh, yeah? Yes, talking would be good." Y/n let go of the door, angling her body towards his. "Oh, you mean now? Okay."

"Would you rather... talk later? I just thought-"

"No, no, now is fine, I- You said you needed to- never mind. Uh, what did you want to talk about?" He winced, clearly unhappy with how he'd just handled that, and Y/n stifled a snort.

"Just, you know. We're not meant to be actually dating, but last night was... Well, I don't know that I can fake date you anymore, Nik." He stared at her, and suddenly the slight confession felt silly.

"What- what are you trying to say? That you want to- to date for real?"

"I guess? I don't know, this is confusing for me, okay?" Y/n felt herself smiling. "I think I might actually have feeli-"

"Don't." Nik's voice was rough, and her smile faded. "You don't... you don't know me, and I'm scared that you'll hate me for it." He sounded strangled, like it was causing him physical pain to say the words, and Y/n's heart plummeted in her chest.

"So tell me, Nik. Tell me, because I want to know! And I hate myself for letting you in when I told myself I wouldn't fall for anybody again, but you and your persistent personality wriggled their way into my life and now I don't know that I can go without you, so tell me." He looked pained, and paler than usual. "Please," she whispered, barely registering how desperate she sounded. When he didn't speak for a while, Y/n gave up, turning to leave. "I've got to get to work, but I'll see you later at the mansion, right? We've only got seven days left now." Nik nodded, and Y/n sighed as she closed the door behind her. Her stomach growled and she opened the bag, peering inside.

He'd got her favourite.

~~~

Nikolai Lantsov could talk himself out of any situation, and could manipulate every conversation to his advantage, but somehow he'd managed to lose that ability when Y/n had walked in to his life.

He wished he could go back to hating her, because that was so much easier than loving her.

He hadn't missed the way that she implied that she'd fallen in love with him, but knowing that he'd been lying to her about his identity for the past three weeks made him feel guilty for being pleased that she reciprocated his feelings. He told himself that he'd tell her everything later that day, when they were in the mansion so that it was just the two of them, and the unease at not knowing how she would react crept up his spine and sat heavy on his mind.

He turned a corner, boots coming into contact with the wooden planks of the docks. He'd shoved his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched against the sea breeze as he scanned for Davor.

"Can I help you?"

Whirling around, Nikolai saw the very man he was searching for, and he wondered where the hell he'd appeared from. "I was looking for you, actually. Heard you paid a visit to Gregor this morning, asking about me?"

"Yeah."

Nikolai resisted the urge to slap his palm to his forehead, or scream in frustration at the monosyllabic answer. Or to do both. "What did you want to know? You could have just asked me, you know. You don't have to go around threatening people." Davor shrugged.

"Would you really tell me what I wanted to know?"

"Depends on what it is," Nikolai cracked a smile, internally praising the man for using a long sentence for once.

"Why are you pretending to date Y/n?" Nikolai hid his shock, pushing the demon down in his mind when it rose up in outrage.

"I'm not," he replied slowly, letting confusion lace his features and a disbelieving laugh come out. "Why do you think that we're faking it? Are you jealous that she's moved on?"

"You are faking it, I know you are." Davor smiled then, but Nikolai hadn't seen anything less joyful since the Darkling. It was cold and cruel, and he suppressed a shudder. "I have proof." Nikolai's mind was racing, trying to think of anything that Davor could have seen or heard to draw that conclusion, and he tried to not let the panic show on his face.

"Well," he said, allowing an incredulous smile to appear. "I'd love to know what it is!" That was the key: don't let anybody see how you really felt. Let them think that you have the upper hand, that you believe that your version of it is the truth, and then the situation is yours to handle.

"I don't think so. I'm talking to Y/n's mother in a bit. In the square. Everybody will know that you're fakes, using this stupid excuse for her stupid dream. Seven days, right? Time's a-ticking, Dominik. I'll see you in the square?" He turned and walked off back towards the town centre, and Nikolai could only stare after him, fear creeping up his spine.

No no no no no, he thought, panicking. This isn't good.

~~~

Y/n had been taking her lunch break when it all went to shit.

She'd barely been out the shop for five minutes when she saw Davor talking to her mother, and immediately she knew that whatever it was couldn't have been good. None of that was helped by the mildly disastrous conversation that she'd had with Nik that morning, and now she didn't know where she stood with him.

She'd frozen upon seeing the two of them, causing people wandering around in the busy marketplace to bump in to her, frowning slightly when they did so. Her throat started closing up, her chest tightening and making it difficult to breath, and her breaths came much shorter and sharper than normal. Now people were frowning for a different reason, some looking like they wanted to help but not entirely sure what to do, and others frowning because she was starting to make a scene. Y/n barely registered them though, unable to tear her eyes away from Davor and her mother. Everything was too close and too far away all at once, and was the world spinning? Fuck, she needed to move, to get out, to leave, but her body wouldn't let her. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, whether it was two seconds or two hours, but she did notice when a figure blocked out the sun and wrapped her in his arms, murmuring softly in her ear that 'it's alright, darling' as one hand stroked her back and the other tangled in her hair. Eventually her breathing matched his, and each breath she took smelt entirely of Nik, and she pulled her head away from his chest.

"What happened, darling?" he asked, voice quiet and gentle as he moved the hand in her hair to cup her cheek instead, thumb brushing away the tears that had slipped out.

"Da-" she coughed, her voice rough. "Davor. He's talking to my mother." Nik's eyes widened, and he whipped his head around to follow her gaze.

"Shit. Okay. I spoke to him, just now, he thinks this is fake and he seems to be sure that he has proof."

"W-What?" The tears threatened to fall again, everything too fragile and likely to break at any moment. Nik hadn't moved his hands and she was glad for it; the action kept her grounded. He glanced around, biting his lip as he furrowed his brow in thought before moving them over to a quiet spot.

"We need to figure out what's going on with us," he started.

"Yeah, no shit. I mean, how are we meant to convince people that we're in a relationship if we ourselves don't fucking know?" He sighed, running a hand over his face.

"Ok, then let's talk." He stared at her expectantly, but Y/n only stared back.

"You're the one that needs to talk, Nik. I think I've made myself clear enough. I want to date you, for real, and I want to know you. If you don't want that then tell me now and we'll figure something else out."

"I'm afraid, alright? I'm afraid that if you know the truth, you'll hate me, and you won't want to be with me."

"So... does that mean that... you do want to be with me?"

"Saints, of course I do. I'd be an idiot to not want to wake up with you every morning, or fall asleep next to you every night. To not want to be the one holding your hand, or kissing you, or to be the one that you love. I just- I know how you felt about me when we first met, and I know that Davor really fucked your view of men, and I don't want to be the reason that gets worse."

Y/n didn't reply for a while, and Nik started to look worried that she was going to agree with him, and tell him to leave and never talk to her again.

Before she could respond, having looked up and seen his concerned expression, Evalina appeared.

"I hear you're single, handsome," the woman purred, and Nik visibly cringed away from her. She cast a look at Y/n, sneering as she grabbed Nik's arm.

"No, I'm not," he said, voice hard.

"Well word is that you two are faking it." Another sneer. "So I think that means you're here for the taking." She was winding her fingers up his arm, and Y/n couldn't bear to watch anymore. She shoved Evalina away, taking Nik's arm defensively.

"Stay the fuck away from him." She vaguely noted the shock on the other woman's face, and the glare on her own, and before she had time to think about anything she'd marched off in the direction of the mansion, leaving Nik behind.

~~~

"Dominik? Could we have a word?" Y/m/n called out, and Nikolai wanted to punch something. He needed to follow Y/n, and figure out what their plan was, but her mother was very insistent and wouldn't let him leave. "Now. Davor here tells me that you and my daughter were faking a relationship so that she could spend council money and do up the mansion."

"That's a lie," Nikolai growled, and he felt the demon stir.

"Well I think that Davor is more believable than you, Dominik." Nikolai's laugh was humourless, and he looked between the two of them. Y/m/n was smug, thinking that she had the upper hand, and Davor was... well Davor was impassive as always, but for the glint in his eye that seemed somewhat sharper than normal.

"I'm sorry, you actually believe him over your own daughter?"

"Y/n hasn't been a good daughter for a while now, not since she met you. Davor was always good to her, so yes, I'll believe him over her any day." Nikolai could only stare in horror at the woman. How could she despise her own daughter that much?

"Fuck you," he said, turning on his heel. He wasn't going to waste his time talking to her when she wasn't going to care about a word he said.

"Excuse me?"

"I said fuck you. Have you ever stopped to think about her, or was it always about what you wanted?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She looked outraged, and Nikolai thought she didn't have any right to do so.

"You've fucking destroyed her, do you know that? She hates you for what you've done, and you will never fix that. You've pushed so hard for Y/n to be what you want her to be and you have never once considered what she wants to be. You have never asked what her dreams are, her goals, her aspirations. You don't listen to her when you need to, because you are already busy thinking about how to convince her to do what you want, and she hates you for it. And if either of you go near either of us again, I will fucking ruin you, okay? Because I love her, and I will not let you destroy her again." He left them behind, not caring that he'd finished by shouting, and went in search of Y/n.

~~~

Everything sucked.

Y/n blamed it entirely on Davor, of course, since he was the reason she couldn't trust men properly, and Nik was so good and wonderful that it hurt that she couldn't express her fears about being in a relationship with him. It's not that she didn't want to; Saints, she hadn't wanted anything this much since the mansion when she was a kid, but there was so much that could go wrong or hurt her more than Davor hurt her, and she'd promised herself that she wouldn't let her heart be shattered again.

She'd been about to tell him all of that, tell him that she was afraid too, but by the Saints she wanted to try, when Evalina appeared, and then the doubts about whether Nik would always stay with Y/n or move on to somebody better, somebody prettier, crept in, and she couldn't bear the knowledge that she would always have competition making her feel like she wasn't enough and had left.

Shoving Evalina had felt good though.

Now Y/n was hiding in the mansion, which wasn't terribly effective as a hiding spot since she spent a lot of her time in the building and it was probably the first place that anybody would look for her, but it calmed her. A soft knock on the door startled her slightly, and when she looked up she expected to see Nik.

"Dad?"

"Hey, thought I might find you here. What's going on?" He came and sat down next to her on the floor, pulling her into his side and stroking her back while she cried into his shirt. Y/n explained everything: how she and Nik had faked the relationship so that her mother would give her the grant for the building and so that Nik could stop worrying about being grabbed by Evalina and the other women in town, how she'd hated him at first but loved him now, and he felt the same, and how she thought she would always be scared that it would only be a matter of time before Nik realised that he was better off without her and left. When she'd finished, her tears had long since dried, and her voice was hoarse from crying.

"I just don't know what to do, Dad. Because I know Nik, and I know he's not Davor, but he's right. Davor did really fuck with my view of men and I don't know how to fix that."

"I think you just need to tell him how you feel, love. He's a good guy, I know he is, and I'm sure that he'll understand and he'll want to help you- don't you look at me like that, you need somebody to help you. I don't care if you're an independent woman because people, no matter what, need somebody that loves them unconditionally, and Nik is that somebody for you."

"You mean that?"

"Absolutely. Please, just tell him all of this."

"Okay. I'll go find him," Y/n sniffled, wiping her face and standing up.

"Atta girl." Her father had stood up too, and was dusting off his trousers. "Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"I uh, I don't want you to think that it's your fault, at all," he started, expression earnest. "But, well..."

"Spit it out, Dad," she joked.

"I'm divorcing your mother."

Y/n could only stare at him in shock, not entirely sure where this was coming from. Her mother might be a bitch but she at least thought that her parents loved each other. "What? Why?"

"Because we haven't loved each other for a few years now. I don't think I ever realised that until I saw you with Nik, but it's true. You look at each other like you're looking at the person that hung the stars, and it's beautiful. But I haven't looked at your mother like that for some time now, and I am quite sure that she is the same. Besides, she's been a colossal bitch to you the past month, and you're my sun, alright?" Y/n let out a wet laugh at the last part, and was startled to realise that she was crying again, the tears silently slipping down her cheeks. "Now. You go find that boy of yours, yeah?"

"Yeah," she nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around her father. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Y/n."

~~~

Nikolai was shitting himself.

Not literally, of course, but he might as well be with the amount of nerves coursing through his body right now. He'd managed to get the last word in earlier when talking to Y/m/n and Davor, but apparently people had overheard the topic of their conversation and rumours spread like wildfire in this town, people already questioning the legitimacy of their relationship. He made his way into the mansion just as Y/f/n was leaving, and when he saw Y/n stood in the middle of the front room wiping the last of her tears away his heart clenched.

"... Are you... okay?" He wasn't sure she wanted him here, given how quickly she'd left earlier, but her responding hug put him slightly more at ease.

"Not really," she said, although it was muffled since her face was pressed into his chest. "I'm glad you're here though, Nik. Really really glad." He brought his arms around her, holding her tightly, and he squeezed his eyes shut with a frown.

"I have to tell you something," he said, voice quiet and filled with fear. Y/n lifted her head to look up at him, and seeing her soft smile he felt queasy.

"What is it, Nik?" When he only opened and closed his mouth a few times, strangled noises coming out instead of words, she tried again. "Dominik?" Y/n was the one frowning now, clearly unsure why he was acting so strangely, and the use of his supposed full name made his decision easier.

"That's not... that's not my name." He was looking anywhere but at her, swallowing thickly and tensing his muscles repeatedly for any hope of distraction, but her own body stiffening against his wouldn't let him concentrate on anything else.

"What do you mean that's not your name?" she asked slowly.

"It's-" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a few steps back. "My name isn't Dominik, it's Nikolai."

"Wha- what are you going on about?"

"I can't keep lying to you about who I am, Y/n, not if I want to properly date you. You said you wanted to know me, right?" She nodded, although the action was distant. "Well, this is me," he spread his arms out and then let them drop back to his sides, desperation starting to creep in to his body language. "I'm Nikolai, not Dominik, and my last name isn't Opus, either. It's Lantsov. Or Opjer, I'm not actually sure. But I'm Nikolai Lantsov, the previous King of Ravka."

Y/n froze, clearly unsure how to respond.

---

Of all the things she thought that he would say, it hadn't been anywhere near that. "W- you- what?"

"I'm Nikol-"

"No I got that, I'm just... very confused. Why the fuck would you hide that? You're being serious, right? This isn't a joke?"

"It's not a joke, I'm being completely serious. And I know that I've lied to you about who I am-"

"Yeah, no shit!"

"-but I did it to start over, to have a new life, and also because there is a very high sum of money on my head in foreign nations and I quite like it attached to my neck! And I'm sorry, okay? But when you said this morning that-" he gasped, running out of air. "When you said this morning that you wanted to date for real I couldn't do that without telling you the truth, because I know how you feel about liars and people that look like me, okay? And I'm telling you now because I need to know if there is any possible chance that you'll still have me, because I have fallen completely and irrevocably in love with you, Y/n. So please, if there is any chance, I'll take it." He'd moved closer to her during his speech, arms gesturing wildly as he went on, and he was close enough that she could reach up and kiss him if she wanted to.

Instead she stepped back, expression blank as she tried to figure out which emotion to wear. She vaguely registered Nik's- Nikolai's pained face, and her own head shaking as she brought a hand up to her mouth.

"I- I can't- what?" The last word was quiet, her voice breaking as she tried not to cry. She didn't want to; he had a logical reason for not telling the truth, and he felt the same as her, Saints damn it, but some irrational part of her told her that he was lying about other things too, and it would only be a matter of time before he was lying about loving her. It was ridiculous, how badly Davor still affected her, and she really thought that she could change with Nik, but apparently not. She did want him, like she wanted air, but right now it was too much, and she felt like her lungs would burst from the pressure. "I'm sorry," she whispered, tears pricking at her eyes as she turned away. "I can't... I don't know... I can't do this right now," she sobbed, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. She felt Nik's hand on her shoulder, light and fleeting before it disappeared and took his warmth with it. Dimly Y/n registered his words.

"That's okay. I'll wait."

Chapter 8

#I'm so sorry #i'm evil for this ending i'm sorry #grishaverse #netflix shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai x reader #nikolai lanstov x y/n #nikolai x y/n

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beesmygod · 2 years

Text

i had this typed up for my newsletter im working on lol. i solved one of my health mysteries. tl;dr: food allergy

---

having a completely fucked up sleep schedule goes hand in hand with having a fucked up food schedule, which means my last meal is when the sun comes up and i dont get hungry until late in the day. any attempts to break this pattern risk waking up ravenously, eating-raw-meat-out-of-the-freezer hungry in the middle of what was supposed to be my sleep cycle. i do whatever the opposite of torpor is. i invented a worse way of mammalian living. do NOT steal.

so anyway, every night before i go to bed, i would fill my empty tummy with a delicious peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich. this is because strawberry is the tastiest, most accessible jelly. let me explain: when you go to a diner and search through the little jelly basket with all the jellies in it, you will see these flavors and these flavors ONLY!!! (ranked by deliciousness):

strawberry

orange marmalade

mixed berry

the putrid concord grape

orange marmalade is a distant second to the only good jelly on this list. i like strawberry jam.

in the mornings, i started eating special k cereal (red berries, again, the only good one) hoping the vitamin c would cure whatever was causing me to feel so fucking sick and miserable on a daily basis. every day i would wake up exhausted and every night i would go to bed in terrible pain from my entire chest down. it was hard to explain my symptoms outside of just feeling like total shit generally. to be honest, i thought it was just the result of bad living. my chest was often tight but i attributed this to how freakishly tense my body is from years of letting anxiety run ramshod over my brain and body. ive had this problem for over a decade.

recently, i went on vacation for a few days to d.c. with my boyfriend, adam. on the evening of the second day, as we shared a plate of fried chicken livers as romantically as possible, i told him, "i feel so good. this is the best i've felt in a long time!". and i really meant it. the rash on my face had cleared up significantly, my stabbing chest pain i had attributed to heartburn/dying was gone, and best of all, i felt like i could breathe. my chest no longer felt like it was being crushed and my lungs didnt feel like they were sticking together instead of inflating. my legs didnt even hurt as much when i walked, which seemed like a massive achievement to me.

i came home from d.c. late in the evening and returned to my nightly ritual sandwich. that's when i noticed, for the first time ever (now that i was unburdened with terrible pain elsewhere), that my mouth was burning and tingling in a way that might be textbook anaphylaxis.

i thought back to the time when my sister told me she liked the taste of bananas but they were too spicy for her. and how i laughed at her and said "what the hell are you talking about", which in turn lead to the discovery of her birch allergy. i also thought back to high school when i suddenly started feeling very ill, tired, and weak almost every single day. but i would still *~bravely~* find the strength to go into work nearly every day. i would be sooooo hungry by the time i got to my job immediately after getting out of school and wouldnt get to eat until i got home at 9pm. so i would commit a little corporate theft and eat some sample sized special k (red berries) intended for patrons. hmm. a pattern is emerging.

now i have an epipen and blood work being processed by a doctor who expressed mild horror at how frequently i was dosing myself with a little bit of near death experience just for delicious strawberries. as it turns out, you feel a lot better once you stop poisoning yourself on a daily basis. at no point did i ever think i was going to die from any of my various problems despite having every symptom that obviously points at a reaction. i dont know. i thought i just rolled some bad genetic dice and got stuck with the shitty body lol.

i did sort of eat the rest of the sandwich tho. it was good. no ragrets

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makasdisaster · 2 years

Text

so i did it OAO, here’s the plushie small fic i was thinking about, lets call it-

Teasing (Katsuki Bakugou x reader)

(i’m not the best at writing so let me know if there’s anything i should fix, i did try tho ><‘, please DONT take my work or repost it as yours) {minors don’t interact you’ll be blocked}

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

its the afternoon and you're tired but you force yourself to slip out of your boyfriends arms that are too preoccupied holing up his phone to keep a firm enough grip on you to keep you laying in place beside him, "oi, where you goin'?" Katsuki asks shifting his eyes lazily from the screen just as you start garbing your things from his side table "I'm gonna run to the store real quick, i need to get a few thing before they close" you finish zipping up your bag slinging it over your shoulder opening his bedroom door "now you be a good boy and stay here, I'll be right back k? good doggie, try not to miss me too much~"

you're such a tease but that what he loves about you the most, that you can mess with him just as much he does to you and not have to worry because you both don't take any of it too heart “hah~, not the fuck alone you don't-" almost dropping his phone Katsuki practically jumps off his bed grabbing his wallet stuffing his things in his pockets chasing after you down the stairs

after a short car ride to the closes target with some fun toons of your choosing you both make your way inside and to the back getting the things you came for

"i think that's about everything we needed but before we go can we go look at one more thing?" holding the list you made on the car ride closer to yourself, you slightly lean closer into Katsu's personal bubble then he'd like in public with a big smile waiting for his approval "fine, but make that shit fast go it? i don't want to be here any longer that they end up escorting us out" roiling his eyes softly Katsu' continues to push the cart following your now existed form towards the toys

"gaasp, they have it" rushing into the Ille of stuffies you grab a medium sized scruffy looking cream bear that oddly has a few of the same colors as Katsuki"s hearo costume worked into the robin around its neck, it even looks upset just like his signature frowned expression "Isn't it just the cutest ever?" confused with a grossed gaze, Katsuki pushes it gently out of his face looking at you like you've just waisted his time "what are you five? you don't need that crap" with a pout you put it in the baby seat of the cart "oh hush, its the only one im gettin' an plus its a limited edition, they only made five so i gotta'"

you both start walking to the regsters to pay "ya' know, if you wanted something that looked like me to sleep with, we could've skip this lil' trip an' stayed in bed" you blush softly almost stopping in your tracks "i.i dont know what you're talkin' about" he knows you know he figured it out so that means he's going to keep this over you for as long as he can "whatever you say princess, ill just have to make you get the rest then~"

----

when packing up the car Katsu' makes sure the teasing starts as soon as posable, setting the bear in the drivers seat before you get in the passenger side "wa-" you swear you can here him laughing to himself from outside the car.

- - - -

once you both get back to his place you put down the bear paying it no mind as you have to put away all the food an other essentials before you can make your way back towards his room wanting to chill,

after all the work you've just done you make it up the stairs to Katsu’s room only to open the door an find the bear once again sitting in his place but this time on the bed wearing his boxers an holding his phone just like how he would be once returning home "! REALLY KATSUK!?" and just like that right on cue Katsuki's down stairs losing his shit, oh he's going to make this a habit and you're going to suffer finding this thing allover the place till he gets bored but seeing as he didn't make you leave it back at the store means out of all the plushies you've left at his place he minds this one the least because unlike the others, it’s of your favorite person.

#how we feelin?#my first fic #bakugou x reader #short fic #hope it doesn’t seem rushed #bakugou fic #fluff #katsuki bakugou x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou fluff #katsuki fluff #x reader fluff #makabe’s_fic #mdi #baku!plushie abuse

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grippingbeskar · 2 years

Text

salt, ice and fire | frank castle

chapter four - a better man than me

[series masterlist] [previous chapter]

frank castle x fem!reader

word count: 4.9k

warnings: canon typical violence, mentions of scars, death, general gross imagery involving hands and nails ew, mentions of mental illness

a/n: bing boing enjoy.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“We need to leave.” Frank already had half his stuff shoved back in a bag when you walked through the door.

“They’ll follow.” You were covered in blood, and didn’t walk any further into the house than the small mat at the front where other pairs of Franks combat boots were placed neatly in a line.

“Doesn’t matter. We put distance between us and them. I’ll get you to Madani after-”

“I’m not going with her. Or you.” Frank zips up his bag and grabs the keys on the kitchen counter. “You’re on the Colonels shit list, for some reason. You should leave before the next wave comes.”

“You wanna stay here? Be my guest, but you’ll either be dead or back in the Colonel’s cell in an hour.”

“He’s gonna track me no matter where I go. I’ll lead him straight to you.”

“So? Once we get far enough I’ll hack that shit off myself, we just gotta get to Madan-” You roll your eyes, no longer caring about getting blood all over his floor.

“It explodes. If I leave the city. It’ll go off.” Frank stops his packing, and he looks at you like you’ve just spoken another language.

“You’ve had a bomb strapped to your arm for two months?” You shrug, and he starts to shake his head, but still swings the bag over his shoulder and heads for the door. “We’ll make a stop first.”

Your chest starts to feel tight.

Two months you’ve been working for the Colonel, doing anything he asked because you thought he held your brother captive. Now, you learn he never had him in the first place, and you have killed twenty four people for no reason.

Now your only options were waiting for the mass onslaught of ‘New America’ psychos to show up and inevitably kill you, or go with the guy who seems to have the CIA in his pocket. The blinking on your cuff turns to a constant, whining sound. The light was still orange.

“We have to move.” Frank grumbles and pushes past you, but you haven’t budged. You know the smart play is to go with him. At the very least, he has weapons, but he also strapped you to a radiator less than 30 minutes ago.

“Why would you help me?” You stand at the door, and Frank starts walking backwards down the driveway, clearly eager to get out of here.

“I ain’t got time for this. You either come with me or stay here. I don’t give a shit either way.” Frank kicks at the dead guy near his right leg, the remainder of his face being buried into the dirt.

He must take pity on you, because the hardened expression he was constantly putting up cracks just a little.

“Look, just get in the van. We’re an hour out of the city, and I’m your only ride. You can do whatever the hell you want after that.”

Your entire life, you have only wanted one thing. To protect your brother from the very thing he is probably facing right now. The Gnucci’s were the reason you had no family, the reason you were pulled apart and sewed back together. If they still had your brother, every second you wasted fighting with this guy was ruining your chance of getting him back in one piece.

So maybe you would get blown to pieces on the way back, but it was worth the risk. Everything was worth the risk. You had come this far, crossed this many lines. What was one more, if it meant you could get him back? At least with this option you’d have the freedom of doing it on your own terms.

The only way to have your own choice, to do what you want to do, for once in your life, is to go with Frank Castle.

You swung the passenger door of the van open and slid inside, watching as the trail of bodies gradually disappeared out of sight.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Only twenty minutes have passes, and for someone who had spent the last three years in complete isolation, the silence between you both is uncomfortable.

No radio. You would have liked that, at least. You don’t remember the last time you heard a car radio. Or music. Your mom always had music playing when you were a kid.

Frank hadn’t said anything about where you were going, nor has he mentioned the constant ringing of your cuff, and you hadn’t brought up how the colour had now changed from orange to red. You had never seen it red before. You had also never heard it make these sounds before - a high pitched squeal of a noise filling the gap of silence. You were pretty sure it was going to blow up any second.

“Just press the button.” Frank says lowly, his knuckles almost white from gripping the steering wheel.

“It doesn’t work like that. It’s an alarm - now it’s triggered I can’t turn it off.”

“Is it always so goddamn loud-”

“Well, if you’d shot me when I told you to, you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

“Christ.” He shakes his head and puts his focus back on the road. While he’s distracted, you take the chance to observe him. Like, really look at him.

You never get photos of the targets you are meant to hit. Just a name and a location. It was why you were so surprised when his face matched one of the names you were given. You had only seen a glimpse when you were carried out by the Colonel, but his features were hard to forget.

He had a hard jaw, and a nose that looked like it had been broken one too many times. Yours most likely looked the same, although you hadn’t had the time to examine your own face like you were currently examining his.

His hair was cropped short, and it was dark brown. Nearly black, but you knew it was brown because the sun was out, and it was shining through the short strands at the top. It was strange that you noticed that.

You couldn’t see them right now, but you knew his eyes were brown, too. You don’t know why you remember that, either. He was making your exhausted brain focus on all the wrong things. You should be thinking about his weaknesses, like that arm that was still broken. You see him look over at you, and you shoot your gaze forward, pretending to be busy staring at the traffic.

You were somewhere outside the main city, maybe on the edge of it. The tall buildings of the skyline you saw in the sunrise are still a fair way off. Frank indicates and pulls off the main road.

“I hope we’re close. This thing doesn’t seem to like wherever we’re going. Wherever this is.” Frank finally stops the car outside of what looks like a school building.

“He’s a friend. He’s dealt with this kind of thing before. Should be able to get that thing off your arm, if you ask nice.” You roll your eyes and your head drops back on the head rest.

“This friend. He CIA too? You gonna turn me in with a bomb still on my wrist?”

“He’s not.” His face is hard. Clearly, whoever your going to see is a close friend. Maybe family. Instead of focusing on how you could use this against him, you look at how his eyes are definitely brown. Dark, too. The beeping starts again, and you focus your thoughts.

“Guess I’ll take your word for it.”

“You make one wrong move in there, and I’ll kill you myself.”

“I’m sure Madani won’t be-“

“One wrong move.” He turns fully in his seat, left hand instinctively on the gun that always seemed strapped to him. You raised your hands in a mock surrender, and he scoffs before getting out of the car. “He’s in there.”

It’s then, catching your reflecting in the side view mirror, that you realise you’re still covered head to toe, in blood. It’s splashed across your face, all over your shirt and arms. Your pants are black, but the rest of you looks like a serial killer.

Fitting, but not ideal when you needed to law as low as possible.

“Put this on.” Frank throws something giant and black at you, and you manage to catch it before it drops to the floor. You fist the material, and it feels soft. Soft, and as you pull it over your head, you feel it’s warm too. God - it’s probably the most comfortable thing your held in your hands in years. It feels like a blanket, and you shift it around in your hands until you see the sleeves.

The jumper covers most of the blood stains on your arms and body, and when you finally pop your head out of the hole, you realise it’s on backwards, the hood obscuring your mouth. Two hands tug it around your body in one go.

“You put your arms in-“

“I know what a fucking jumper is.” You bite back, a little embarrassed. You don’t remember the last time you had worn one. As you finally tug it into place, he’s still close, standing right next to you. His arms come up near your head, and the animal in you screams to run - kill him and run now. You ignore it and don’t move, and his hands grab the hood behind your head and pull it over your hair.

“Keep that up. You’ll scare people.” You know it’s true, but the way he says it sounds more of an insult than an observation. You flip him off with the hand in your pocket and follow him into the building. Good thing it was a Saturday, because you would hate to see what the kids thought of your face.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Frank leads you through the empty hallways of the school Curtis runs his sessions in, that stupid fucking beeping sound following him as he tries to find the right room. He told him to meet here because at least if this all goes south and they get blown to pieces, they won’t be able to ID Curtis at his house.

“That you, Castle?” His voice calls from an empty classroom, and he opens the door to find Curtis spreading out a bunch of supplies, already wearing his bomb suit. “If you want to see me, we can always just go for a drink. You know, like normal people.”

Frank pulls him in to a hug, and Curtis returns it warmly. It had been a couple months since he’d seen his friend, with everything that happened he figured they all needed time to recover on their own, but damn if he didn’t miss him.

“I appreciate you, man. You know that?” Curtis scoffs a laugh and goes to reply, but loses the words when you step into the room, hood still drawn over your head.

“The woman with the bomb, I’m assuming.” Curtis motions for you, and surprisingly, you obey. It was kind of scary, the way you move with such caution, like you were anticipating the explosion any second. It didn’t fill Frank with a lot of confidence, but he stood right next to you, beside Curtis. “What’s your name?”

You tell him, and stick out your hand to shake his. Frank realises he never asked you for it. It’s why Curtis would always be a better person than him, and why Frank knows he could never do the job he does. He just doesn’t think of things like that.

“Nice to meet you. I’m gonna see what I can do here, okay?” You nod, lifting your other arm out. “How long has it been beeping like this?”

“About an hour or so. I have to check in every two or three, and if I don’t it triggers the alarm. That’s the button there-” You twist your arm to show the buttons on the side, and Frank catches an eye of the extensive scarring down your forearm and around your fingertips. “-and the lights go off.”

“It’s been on for two months?”

“Yeah. It also tracks location. I think the chip is back there, underneath the light. Dug around when I first got it, but I couldn’t figure it out and I didn’t really want to blow my face off.” You twist again, and Curtis turns to grab some wire clippers and a screwdriver.

“Couldn’t have that.” Curtis smiles, as if he doesn’t know what you can do. Or maybe he does, and just doesn’t care. He does keep Frank around. He turns your hand over a few times, and taps around on the screen. It has a digital time and longitude and latitude.

“What you think?” Frank tries to say quietly, but you both look up at him anyways.

“Seems standard. I doubt these guys had a lot of funding to be packing away explosives, let alone in something this small. I’m not even sure they could make anything decent in this size. I’m more concerned about the tracker.” He starts to unscrew the side of the watch, and the beeping gets higher pitched, almost like an alert. A last ditch effort to give off your location before it was shut off. He sees your eyes close under the hood, preparing, and he tries to put his body between you and Curtis.

Curtis keeps working, screwing at the other side until the inside of the cuff is exposed. There was a small chip, presumably used to track your location, as well as an intricate wire system packed into a tiny space.

“Shit.” Curtis swears, and puts down the wire cutters. “Who are these guys again?”

“Call themselves ‘New America’. Why? What’s wrong?” Frank pushes.

“This is just - for a start up organisation, even for criminals this technology is - it’s hardly even in the market. Someone’s paying big money for this stuff. I just need to- Okay, the wires are all woven together. I need something small and sharp, maybe like a needle or-”

“This?” One of your fingers extend, and a metal nail, sharpened to a point protrudes about two inches out of your finger. It’s the first time Frank can see it up close, and it’s almost like they have embedded it underneath your real nail.

“That will uh-“ Curtis, unfazed, gets a little closer, examining it. “That will do it.” He takes hold of your hand, and you let him control you, slipping the sharp point of your nail underneath the complex wiring. Franks only had a few run ins with this kind of thing, but Curtis always worked it out better. He had a head for this stuff, and at the very least, Frank needed a friend right now.

He hears a wire pop, and finally the beeping noise stops. He can still hear it ringing in his ears, but the noise is gone, and the hardest part is over. With the explosive disarmed, Curtis pops out the tracking device and places it on the table next to you. Your fist comes down with a crack, splintering it into dozens of tiny pieces.

The actual cuff turns out to be the hardest part. It’s made of some kind of reinforced metal, and Curtis can’t cut it with the pliers he bought, so him and Frank lead you out and down to the wood shop classroom hoping there’s something more high powered in there. As they walk, you taking your time somewhere behind, Curtis tries to pull him aside.

“Are you sure you aren’t in over your head with this one?”

“What do you mean? I’ve been on the Gnuccis for months now-“

“Not with that. With her. I mean, if she’s really what they say she is, maybe you shouldn’t be tying her up in your house and dragging her around the city. Cut your losses.”

Frank looks back at you, watching how you examine the now disarmed cuff around your wrist.

“She doesn’t wanna be here as much as much as I do. We got stuck with that thing on her wrist. I’ll bet you $20 she’s outta here before we even make it back to the van.” Curtis turns into the wood shop room.

“You know I’m not a betting man, Castle, but I might just take you up on that. Could use some easy money.” Before he can ask him what he means, you walk in, looking around the room.

“What is all this?” You ask, running your hands over the smoothed wooden tables.

“You never seen a wood shop classroom before?”

“Never went to high school.” Your confession stumps him. He tries to remember what it said on your file. You were only 12 when your parents died, and living with a mob family probably didn’t allow a lot of time for school, let alone shop class.

“You didn’t miss much. Full of bad haircuts and worse outfits.” If the hood wasn’t so far up your face, Frank would of seen you smile when you laughed at Curtis’ comment. He moves around the table, facing you.

“Put your arm here.” Frank says and you look up, confused, but you do what he says. “Like this.”

“If I lose my hand because of your shitty high school shop skills, I swear-“

“Just put your fucking arm down.” He takes your arm in his, fingers careful not to brush over any of the scars that line your arms. He can’t help but look - they are almost certainly surgical scars; the one, long line on the outside of your forearm and tiny ones spread out across your fingertips are so straight they had to be done with precision. He turns his focus back on the cuff, where your arm moves to his manipulation.

“I’ll bring this down.” Frank points out the lever on the side of the table, made to allow you to crank it up and down to apply more pressure between the two sharp points of metal. “Just hold still. It might get tight, but we want it to pop off.”

“Sure.” You adjust your arm, and he starts to move the lever down. The points find their place on the side of your arm, but they start to dig into the skin, and he sees you flinch, so he pulls it back.

“Sorry.”

“It’s - fine.” You don’t look up, your eyes burning holes into the ground. He starts the lever again, and can see your arm starting to shake. This was clearly a thing for you, like the fire was, and he wasn’t about to shove you through that again. He calls Curtis over in hopes of distracting you while he continues to crack through the metal.

“Hey Curt, you ever call that girl again? What was her name?”

“Callie?”

“Yeah. You call her back?”

“Nah. She told me she didn’t want nothing to do with me after last time.” Frank remembers it was his fault he got called out, because he needed help tracking down Billy Russo’s new men.

“C’mon. Just turn on that old Curtis charm. Show up with a box of chocolates or something. She’ll hear ya out.”

“I tried her house, but she wasn’t there. Screening my calls, too. Think I might of lucked out.” You make a small noise from the cover of your hood, and Frank runs with it.

“You got something to say, kid?” You look up, squinting at him.

“I’m not a ‘kid’, and no. Not unless you actually want to get laid. Otherwise stick with the chocolates.”

“Hey, I’m desperate here. It’s been a month of nothing.” Curtis can see what Frank is trying to do, and joins in. Of course he sees it, he deals with this kind of stuff for a living.

“What’d you do?”

“Stood her up on the third date. Didn’t call her for a week after it, too.”

“The third? Come on. Even I know that’s the big one.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. There wasn’t anything I would of rather gone to. Trust me.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“I, uh- it was complicated.” Curtis looks down at Frank, who shrugs. He doesn’t know how much you know about him, about what he does. If you knew, you hadn’t thrown it in his face yet, although throughout his minimal interactions with you, he has a feeling that if you knew, you would have.

“It’s like - fuck!” Frank clips your skin in one of the points on the lever. Your head drops again, and Frank hesitantly puts his hand on top of yours.

“You good?” The gesture seems to have the desired effect, because your eyes are now off the lever and on his hand, fingers lingering over your knuckles. You nod, and he keeps going.

“So what do I do?” Curtis catches your attention, and one more crank of the lever should do it.

“Just be honest, or as honest as you can be. She will be able to tell if your lying - women always know.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

“Cook for her.” Your eyes get a little distant when you say it, and Curtis nods at the idea.

“Yeah?” You nod.

“It’s the effort. My dad used to-“ You swallow and take a deep breath “-when he fucked up. He always used to cook for her, my mum, do this big meal in a pot or something.”

“That’s sweet.” Curtis uses his group therapy voice, and it shakes something in you. “Hopefully she likes toast, cause that’s about all I can make.” You smile, and it doesn’t meet your eyes, but Frank notices.

He finds himself looking at other parts of your face, and how it all seems to come together when you smile. The final crank of the lever sends the cuff flying off your wrist with a satisfying ‘clink’.

“That’s it, then?” Curtis takes the remainder of the cuff and throws it into the furnace.

“That’s it.” Frank stays seated opposite you.

“I, um-“ Your eyebrows furrow, and you look down at your hands. “Thank you. Neither of you had to do this.”

“Any friend of Franks is a friend of mine.” Another smile plays at the side of your face, and you look at him as if he’s a part of a joke only you two know.

“Oh yeah, best buddies. Next time we can braid each other’s hair.” Franks the one to laugh, shaking his head as he gets up and claps Curtis on the back, a silent thank you. He nods and heads toward the door, and you open your mouth, going to say something but you are cut off by a giant bang somewhere outside the door.

“We got company.” Curtis is looking through the small window of the classroom door.

“Colonel’s men?” You say, already moving towards the door.

“Do they wear military uniforms?”

“Fuck.” Frank curses. “The chip was destroyed.”

“Maybe they tracked it before we got it out.” Curtis was moving the table in front of the door, but you put a hand out to stop him.

“I’ll buy you time.” You swing the door open, the voices of at least 30 men echoing down the hall. Just like before, Frank sticks his arm out in front of you. “Stop doing that.”

“I just spent the last twenty minutes angling a bomb off your wrist, and now you’re just gonna get yourself killed?”

“I can handle myself.”

“Christ, that’s not what I’m saying. Look at you.”

“What do you care?” Frank shuts up. Madani must of gotten into his damn head, because now he feels himself giving somewhat of a shit about what happens to you. He justifies it by saying he owes Madani a favour, and he shouldn’t let her only lead run herself into a quick death.

“There’s a way out back.” Curtis had already moved to the back of the classroom, where another door must lead into a gym. He holds the door open, and Frank keeps his arm out in front of you, hoping you make the right call.

With a slight push back of his arm, you move towards the back door. He tries to hide the relief.

Curtis moves through the gym, leading you both through a storage room, out a staff bathroom to the outside parking lot.

“I should split off.” You say as Frank and Curtis head towards his car. Curtis stands in front of his drivers seat door, and looks at Frank.

“You got no car.” He tries.

“Faster without one.” You throw back, flexing your hands out the sleeves of his hoodie.

“You don’t know where your brother is. Madani can help you.”

“Can she? Without locking me up?” Frank looks to the right, where he can hear the men moving through the school building. They were probably near the shop classroom now. “I have to-“

An explosion from behind you sends debris flying, and car alarms go off sending the entire lot into chaos. Frank dives down, and he was close enough to you that when he instinctively put out his arm, he covered your head.

“Frank!” Curtis calls out, and he waves him off.

“Get outta here!”

“Not without you, let’s go!” He looks up to find you, only to see your body is halfway under another car, the engine already starting to kick over. A few wires hang out the bottom, and you were flicking them together, sending sparks flying as you hot wired it.

“He needs to get out of here. They will kill him. Go.” You turn to him, both of you still laying on the ground. His head was fucking throbbing, and the sound of the explosion must be messing with his head, because instead of crawling towards Curtis’ car, he moves towards you. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not dragging him in to another war. He’s done enough.” You drop the wires as the engine roars to life, and sit up, staring at him. With a second of you looking at him, apparently the words hit home, because you nod and stand, offering your hand.

“You go, Curt. I’ll catch up.” Letting Curtis see he was good, he nods and jumps in the car, speeding off onto the main drag. He sees you go to the drivers side, and grabs the hood of your jacket. “I’m driving.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No. I’m driving.”

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Apparently the explosion was closer than he thought, or maybe he got hit by something, because he wasn’t sure if the answer was two or seven. “Yeah, I’m driving. Get in the back.”

“Fuckin’ back.” He groans, but doesn’t have the brain to complain when you shove him into the back seat, using a little more strength than you needed to. He watches as you pull away from the school, and even though every logical bone in his body tells him he shouldn’t trust you, shouldn’t let himself pass out right now, he looks up at you, and finds he does anyway.

[next chapter]

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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ghostcrows · 7 months

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the way people talk about and view mental illness has always been under this veil of sympathy and understanding but really when that energy is most needed it all just vanishes. we have 200 more specific terms for certain symptoms and 2000 more videos on how to stop procrastinating and how to deal with rejection sensitive dysphoria and 50000 new videos on how it's In Your Brain and it's Hereditary and it's Homemade by your Primary Caregivers but people still dont really ...get it. they just dont. the resources available are so hollow. its empty promises. suicide hotline that just gets you insta-detained. therapist you talk in circles with for a third of your income per session. housing program with a wait list that only gets longer. this insistence that you build up a support system with no support. this quietly depleting time frame you have (or feel you have, this very real pressure) in which to get your shit together before you're just another sad statistic. always having to wait until you're at the brink of complete self destruction to get help, and by then. how much damage is already done

it's all just casting shadows on the wall

#i do think healing is possible i have seen that in the world #i do think there ARE good resources but they are few and far between #i think the greatest resource at anyones disposal tends to be something thats hard to build from the ground up #which is: a stable foundation. family members you can fall back on #if we had stuff like ubi. guaranteed housing. i know people here know that already #but truly. truly that is one of the most key things second to the good family that a lot of ppl dont have #wouldnt fix everything but itd be such a good start #every couple decades we reinvent 'moral care' when we realize the institutions for mentally ill ppl are actually like. brutalizing them #the way they have since the beginning #and then those good intentions get bogged down by The System of it all all over again #at some point we have to reckon with the sheer amount of people struggling this way and prepare resources more adequately #have enough people so that everyone can get the amount of support they need and give that support without getting burnt out #thats why we end up wsith this stuff like friendships that cant handle your 'trauma dumping' and 'emotional labor' bc there is...a capacity #for everyone #which is why you need a whole host of people you can trust and confide in. which is hard to get!

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coldvampire · 6 months

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oh im gonna hsdgfjk

okay so three+ months ago i discovered I had a Fun Condition called perioral dermatitis. basically, just this Extraordinarily persistent face rash that looks like a bunch of small pustules in a circle around my mouth, but it also went around my nose and eyes. reacts to literally fucking Everything, deeply annoying to treat, even with antibiotics it takes weeks but usually months to clear. causes are ?? can be anything from inhaled steroids, face cream, toothpaste, hormones, etc. basically impossible to pinpoint. i have some guesses about what triggered it but ofc no real way to know for sure.

i go on 90 days of antibiotics. cool, whatever, condition dissipates but doesn't go away entirely. i think nothing of this bc I know even With oral antibiotics, it can still take months.

halfway through this treatment i develop arthritic symptoms. i also think nothing of this bc I have Some sort of illness undiagnosed anyway + family members have it so while I am definitely not happy w this development, I'm resigned.

i finish the pills.

less than 24 hours later, dermatitis has Returned. i know that allowing this to happen makes it worse and last longer. i cannot stress enough how bad it will be for my mental health if this happens. yes this probably sounds overly dramatic but I'm pretty sure watching my face flare up in any way is a legitimate trigger atp after dealing with cystic acne.

anyway. i book an appointment with my gp bc the pharmacist cannot refill the antibiotics. great except the appointment is at the End Of The Month, and I know this is going to be bad in a few days time. like, in the last few hours the inflammation has already accelerated, who knows how bad it'll be then, I'm assuming it'll be like I never even took the pills to start with. i am going to have a nervous breakdown.

mysteriously, the arthritis symptoms have Also started to decrease after stopping the antibiotics. that's weird, I think, that wasn't brought up in the list of side effects when I asked, but the timing is literally exactly when my face started flaring up so I know I definitely don't have those in my system anymore. i look this up, to see if there's a link.

'''acute polyarthritis''' also described as 'drug-induced lupus' are you Fucking Kidding Me

so i am now back as Square Fucking one for this shit, my skin is about to be so goddamn inflamed & I apparently can't even take the drug that was working to clear it up. because it causes inflammation in my joints.

and like i cant really express properly how mad this makes me lmfao because of Course. i spend a solid year on Accutane finally after being deterred for nearly a decade, i get maybe 4 months of enjoying my skin after I'm off of it and then This Shit. can i win?? can i Fucking win??????? no one else in my genepool seems to deal with this shit its just me and ohhh my god i am This close to walking straight into the ocean.

#the frustration is actually getting to me.#like. holy fucking christ.#and for what??? for WHAT.#i havent even been really going out or wearing makeup At All bc its the internship semester so !!! there was No Fucking Reason for my skin #to react to ANYTHING in the first place #its so shallow i feel so stupid but like I've actually cried multiple times over this #n o t h i n g i do works. every treatment every attempt it doesnt matter #it TANKS how i feel about myself. i cant help it.#and like idk what to do!!!!#looks like im gonna try to see a derm again but that's always a multi-month waiting process.#the thought of still looking like this when I graduate is so so upsetting. i want Pictures I want to look good. please?? fucking please???#thats several months away now but the timeline for curing this is so slow and that's assuming your treatment works anyway.#90 days of an antibiotic Should have done it idk whats wrong with me #anyway fgfhjh i Am going to cry now lmao I hate this.

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egopathic · 2 years

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this is a bit of a bitchy post but i think the cluster b community on here is getting out of focus.

the thing is, even if everyone in the world stopped saying “psycho” or “insane”, i still would’ve been forcefully institutionalized for years. people with personality disorders would still get longer prison sentences. all stigmatized mentally ill people would still be denied access from therapists for being scary or placed last on organ transplant lists because we’re a waste of life or whatever.

i get that some things hurt our feelings but the way that we’ve lost touch with tackling actual sanism and turned instead to arguing about pointless internet shit worries me.

i know most people on here are younger/undiagnosed/have little experience with law enforcement or psychiatrists, which with cluster b disorders does mean you’re less likely to experience *irl*structural sanism. but it feels weird when we’re infighting about literally nothing while our less fortunate comrades are rotting in jails and psych wards.

#as someone who has rotted in said jails and psych wards #i was scrolling thru the cluster b tag and it hit me that absolutely none of this matters at all #this isn’t about one particular controversy but rather all of them

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lover-of-mine · 6 months

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Weekend WIP Game!

Tagged by @wikiangela thank you <3

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more)

WIP List

ill come tackle the monsters

buck breakdown fic

elevator (it's gravity after all)

wayf (i thought i had you (still wrapped around your finger))

duck duck buck

eddie begins

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

Buck breakdown is currently at around 12k

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

Buck breakdown soasokaosk, when I started writing it I was thinking it was gonna be around 15k but I am no where near where I need to be with it, so right now, it's my bet (but wayf could be a longer concept than it is now, depends on how detailed it all ends up being, I'm not sure about some bits there, but it could end up longer than expected too)

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

probably wayf because the story goes in two timelines, the present and flashbacks about the weekend and I'm having a blast weaving the flashbacks into the story

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

definitely the buck breakdown fic (I'm guessing most of the answers will be this fic, sorry in advance oksaoskaos) because it's very emotionally heavy, since my plan is to have Buck confront his own feelings, and Eddie and Chris are hurt, so there's the medical side that I'm trying to get right and there are a lot of scenes with Eddie in the hospital that I needed to stop and reconsider a lot of what I was doing because I wanna stay as in character with Buck as I can, and he's bad with emotions so I can't make him reach the conclusion I need to him that easily and he's also terrible about asking for things he needs and he's a trainwreck through the whole thing and that's a challenge. Also, if I'm making Buck cry, I'm also crying while writing, so I'm crying a lot so seriously, my process with it is a disaster. But I have faith it will be worth it in the end.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

the breakdown fic oskaoksoaks and the eddie begins, the breakdown because sometimes i feel like I'm going for a concept that's beyond my abilities as writer, like, I legit sit and contemplate that doc all the time lol and the eddie begins simply because it's a missing scene fic but i need to portrait the specific emotion that i want but at the same time i need to stay within canon, so that's a line that i go back and forth that makes me question a lot of what I do, also because I'm used to writing season 6 or after, and going back to season 3, i really need to tone down a lot of things I'm used to, and that created a lot of "wait, they do not know how to communicate like this yet" that makes me question a LOT on the idea.

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

I don't really do betas because I am the most awkward human on the planet and I don't know how to ask someone for help with a fic aksoaksoaksoaks

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

currently the wayf fic, i am obsessed with the concept and seriously i wanna finish it because i really want to read it myself soaksokasskoaksoak but I'm STUCK, like legit nothing is happening in my brain, no words at all

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

i dont have any OCs

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

i don't really do smut, but the concept of wayf is that Buck and Eddie sleep together, but Eddie panics and says he just wants to be friends, so sex is part of the plot so it does get heated there sometimes

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

the buck breakdown fic soaksokaoskoaks i mean, i am almost killing Eddie and making Buck scream cry throw up so like, shit gets real there

12. Which WIP has the best characterization (in your humble opinion)?

the elevator fic actually, i'm forcing them to talk but I'm having a lot of fun with their friendship and i honestly believe some of their banter there is extremely on character aoskoaksoaksokasa

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

probably the elevator? i am making a conscient effort there so it makes sense with the fact that they are in an elevator and that you can't forget that while you're reading, but I'm not sure actually

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

i would say it's between the breakdown and the elevator, for different reasons, the breakdown because that fic is the most planned thing I've ever written (and i have 2 over 60k stories that took me like, years that didn't involve the amount of thought I'm putting into this) and the elevator is because i keep googling things aoskoaskaoskas i actually even drew a little schematic of the elevator to make sure their movements made sense oaksokasasoaks

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

the breakdown fic sokasokaoskoasksasok cause I can see it so clearly in my head, that I'm staring at it all "i hope you're half as good in paper as you are in my head" like, I can see the whole thing in my head and it looks so good there, so I'm like "you better be good"

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

does the fact that i started writing ill come tackle the monsters because i had an unrelated nightmare and started to write it in the middle of the night because i couldn't go back to sleep count? sokaoskaoskasok but no, not really

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

well, the elevator alternates povs which is a first for me, so that adds a whole layer that I'm not used to.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

duck duck buck oskaoksoaksokas she's almost a crack fic oskaoskaoksoaks there's this thing where people leave rubber ducks on jeeps and one day buck says he never got a duck, so everyone in the firefam decides to leave him a rubber duck but apparently they all bought them in the same place and it got shipped at the same time because they accidentally all decide to leave their ducks on the same day and the whole thing is Eddie trying to duck Buck while everyone else does it too and Buck is just getting all these ducks sokasokasokaoskasokas and it's just ridiculous really

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

i dont think i have one of those, no.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs

I mean, I ramble a lot about all of them soaksokaoskaoks but a few months back I was on the fence over something and I posted a poll here that was like "this is about the buck breakdown fic you get no context say yes or no" only one person voted no, so, yes won by a landslide and well, that was about deciding if I was going to temporarily kill Eddie and force Buck to watch, so the Buck breakdown fic is temporary major character death fic :)

i dont know whos been tagged but no pressure tagging <3: @eddiebabygirldiaz @bucks118 @honestlydarkprincess @watchyourbuck @giddyupbuck @daffi-990

#tag game #writing #this was fun sokaoskaoskas #thoughts thoughts thoughts

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