I started typing this in the tags of this post, and it got too long, and then I was going to just reblog the post with this as an addition but that got too long too, and I've been meaning to make a post addressing free will vs. predestination since the premiere anyway, so - here we go. Spoilers, obviously.

Cut for length and spoilers. Please blacklist #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, and #loki spoilers.

This is kinda rough and I'm not sure it actually makes any sense but I'm posting it anyway.

I realize that the post is a joke, obviously (and it is hilarious) but I started thinking about the implications and couldn't stop because it's honestly a goldmine of existential reflection and an inevitable crisis or three.

Let's look at a scenario.

Say you're late to work for reasons totally beyond your control: your neighbor stopped you to ask a question on your way out the door; you swung through the drive-thru for a quick coffee but the person in front of you is ordering a full continental breakfast ffs (this happened to me this morning); there was an explosion and then the Winter Soldier randomly dropped from the sky and landed on the hood of your car. Whatever. Shit happens.

So you're late, but on this particular day, your lateness somehow has consequences that lead to and create a nexus event and the next thing you know, you're being arrested, tried, convicted of time crimes and ultimately (a version of you is) erased from existence.

And this is if it's not even your fault you're late.

Now say that you're late and it is your fault. You took a new route on a whim and drove a little more slowly because you passed a particularly pretty meadow; you hit the brakes at a yellow light instead of speeding through bc you wanted the quick chance to check your email; you sat in your car for a few extra minutes in the parking lot, because maybe your job sucks and you really needed those extra minutes today to psyche yourself up into getting out of the car and going inside and clocking in.

These little choices are you exercising your free will. Because to me, free will is all or nothing - it doesn't just apply to the big decisions.

On the other hand, predestination means that regardless of the choices you make or if it's a big decision or not, everything you do is ultimately going to lead you to a set point or position or place (your destiny).

And I can kind of look at it like a GPS - that is, there are a number of "insignificant" choices you could make and they will still lead you to where you're predestined to go. Like how a GPS will reconfigure your route if you miss your exit on the highway. It doesn't matter if you took Route A or Route B, you're still going to end up at your destination.

But say sometimes the route does matter. Say that there are certain scenarios in which there's only one road (for example, 14 million losses vs 1 win) and you can only get on it by following a specific series of events and what determines the ultimate outcome is whether or not you're late to work that day.

If you decide to wait those extra five minutes in the parking lot, that means that you weren't in your cubicle at 9:03 when Stanley from Accounting wandered by with his giant stack of papers, and when Mary Sue said hello to him, he got distracted and tried to wave and ended up dropping those papers. Had you been at your cubicle, you'd have swooped down to help him but since you weren't there, Stanley is crouched on the floor alone and doesn't notice Joe coming at him with a paper trolley so when he stands up, he and Joe collide and Stanley loses his balance and goes face-first toward the trolley and breaks his nose when he hits the metal handle on his way down.

Now Stanley has to go to the hospital to get his nose set because you wanted to sit in your car and spend five extra minutes hating your life that morning.

If the sacred timeline says that Stanley is supposed to be in that ER at that specific time on that specific day, and no other set of circumstances would get him there, because this will ultimately take Stanley down the road to whatever greater journey he's supposed to go on, then it has to happen. But say you exercise your free will and decide not to wait those five minutes, because the free will applies to every choice you make, even the tiny, insignificant ones. You chose to put on your big person pants and took a deep breath and just head inside - and because you chose to do that and because you were at your cubicle to help Stanley with his papers, Stanley never ends up in the ER and the timeline that's supposed to happen is suddenly at risk and the TVA has to get involved (I assume).

So having free will introduces way, way too many variables into a fixed timeline to ever keep track, because you're taking these tiny, seemingly insignificant choices that people are making every minute of every day, and you're multiplying them by trillions of sentient beings in the universe, and you're saying the fate of the timeline and reality itself depends on all of these beings either always making the choice they're supposed to make or constantly sending the TVA out whenever they don't.

It's fair to conclude, then, that both free will and a fixed, single timeline can't exist at the same time. Either you adhere to the fixed timeline and everyone does exactly what they're supposed to do every second of every minute of existence, or you have free will and autonomy over all of your decisions, no matter how big or small, and those decisions can result in a number of outcomes, ultimately leading you to one of several possible destinations.

Case in point: Tony didn't have to snap his fingers in Endgame. He chose to. Had he not, Thanos would have won. It doesn't matter if there was one way to victory or 14 million ways to failure; the timeline could ultimately only go one of two ways and the choice Tony willingly made determined that Thanos lost. It wasn't predetermined because if Tony had not chosen to snap his fingers, the timeline would have gone the other way.

My personal belief - and this isn't necessarily for the MCU, but in general - is that we do possess free will and the future is ever shifting and changing because nothing is written in stone. It holds up against most, if not all, of the world's belief systems. For example, if you believe that people have guardian angels, the rule is generally that your guardian angels can help you but you have to ask them; they can't decide to intervene without your permission because to do so would infringe upon your free will.

Similarly, you can go on etsy and pay $5 for a funsies psychic reading or pay a lot more money for an in-depth, specific tarot reading and both will tell you that the outcomes may change depending on the paths you take, and that their ultimate advice is for you to keep your focus on your goals and your own self so that you can be subconsciously manifesting the best possible future for yourself. (Not that I know this from experience. It was one time. It was a few times. My point stands, and also stop judging me.)

To get back to the MCU, though - if you determine that both a single, fixed timeline and free will can't simultaneously exist, and your ultimate purpose is upholding said timeline and not letting anyone fuck it up, lest it break off into lots of different branches, then it poses a pretty serious moral and/or ethical question of - who decides what choices we make and what paths we're destined for? The time lizards? Who gave them that authority? Did anyone, or did they just manifest themselves into existence one day, create the universe, and then decide all of the rules (and, if so, where does that leave the norns and the gods and other super powerful beings who are generally thought to be in charge of things)?

If free will doesn't exist and everyone is acting based on what has been predetermined for them by some higher being (or, in this case, time lizards), it takes away our autonomy, and if everything we do and every single tiny step we take is decided for us, what makes us any different than cogs in a machine just following orders? What separates us from robots?

Speaking of robots, it's interesting to me that the TVA's screening process (if you can call it that) has a failsafe against robots specifically. Any robot that might come through is destroyed immediately and in this case, “not a robot” is defined, more or less, as a sentient being that possesses a soul. What does the TVA have against robots if their ultimate goal is ensuring that the robotic machinations of the time lizards are consistently carried out to protect the sacred timeline?

A soul makes you human; the energy of the soul is what you, at the core, are. It can be assumed that having a soul also means that you have some sort of moral and ethical code by which you live your life but, if you don't also have free will, then what is the point of possessing a soul and a moral and ethical code?

Loki is a villain and he's told by Mobius, the TVA, Odin, and pretty much everyone who ever meets him that the only thing he's good for - the only reason he exists - is to cause pain and suffering and death. This has been predetermined for him; this is not his fault and he did not choose it. And every single choice he makes has either already been destined as the choice he was supposed to make, or will be pruned so it won't grow into the wrong timeline. Ultimately Loki can change neither his final destination, nor the purpose and meaning of his existence.

Which leads me to the theory that the several Loki variants that the TVA keeps coming across are the result of Loki consistently resisting against his predetermined path; he's trying to find the timeline where he is able to latch onto and keep his own free will in defiance of the timekeepers but, so far, he hasn't been successful. This could segue into why the current Variant is now going scorched earth and just obliterating the main timeline completely - because if there is no sacred timeline, there's nothing dictating who or what Loki can be, and free will is regained. If there's a multiverse that branches and branches beyond anyone's control, then there must be a branch in there, somewhere, where Loki can exist on his own terms and decide how his own story goes.

This also might be a theory for why Loki is already setting his sights on taking over the TVA (assuming that's not just something he told the variant for reasons). But my original point in delving into all this is to ask: if Loki is predestined to always be a villain whose story plays out exactly the same way because that's what's supposed to happen, then how can anyone ever hold his misdeeds against him? He's literally just existing as the timekeepers decided he would exist and everyone is blaming him for it.

And this leads me to ask, as well, if one's soul is generally good, and one possesses more good traits than bad, what is the logic in making them exist only for pain and destruction? If it's for a greater good, then it stands to reason Loki is not the only one predestined for misery, and what greater good could come from all that suffering?

Conclusion: the existence of the TVA as an organization means that there is one fixed, sacred timeline but the existence of said timeline is immoral and unethical because it means no one actually has any free will at all in the MCU. The very notion of heroes and villains is pointless because it has nothing to do with your own qualities or morality, it's literally the luck of the draw. In order to have free will, the sacred timeline has to be destroyed, and so my prediction is that the Big Bad of the Loki series is not the TVA and not the time keepers but the actual timeline itself, and the entire fate of the MCU rests on whether or not Loki can ultimately succeed.

Also, don't be late for work.

Since @the-rambling-maiden gave me the kind of validation that makes one cry with joy. I couldn’t wait to publish part 2 of Mahabharata High School AU. Ik it’s too long I’m sorry 🥺.

Senior students in the limelight:

Yudhishthir:

The headboy.

Tries really hard to excell, still is barely above average.

Is driven by the idea that everyone likes him while most of his classmates find him plain annoying. Some of the teachers too.

Is the headboy because for some unknown reason Bheeshma likes him and no one likes to disagree with the principal. Dhritrashtra tried opposing but no one really listens to him.

this kid, Krishna ran a campaign that convinced everyone that Yudhishthir is the best headboy they could have. Without that he had no chance.

Everyone else just accepted and now listens to him because that’s what Krishna wants.

“Okay I’ll give a very interesting lecture in Moral science class.”

- everyone, even the teacher struggles to stay awake.

Draupadi:

Head girl.

Has witty comebacks to everything.

An all rounder.

Looking at her, everyone wonders why someone as under achieving as Yudhishthir gets to be the other school captain.

Changed her name to Panchaali. But everyone still calls her Draupadi. Doesn’t like it, but has made her peace with it.

Is already done with the world’s patriarchal ways which are the basis of the school’s sexist rule book.

Is EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY beautiful.

Once, some juniors went to the principal’s office and saw a picture of the first headmistress. They were all admiring her beauty while Draupadi walked in. And suddenly all the admiration shifted to her.

An iconic friendship quadrent of Arjuna, Satyabhama, Krishna and Draupadi exists right since they joined school.

Had a beef with the Geography teacher, Kunti because had a thing going with Arjuna for a while.

“🧚🏻‍♀️🥰 How are we ignoring our beloved head boy today?🥰🧚🏻‍♀️”

Arjuna:

Heart eyes uwu.

Soccer team captain.

Is some sort of a ladies man. However, always prioritises his ECAs and Krishna.

All rounder. Had the achievements to be head boy, definitely not the time.

Girls are always crushing on him.

Dated Draupadi in the freshman year, it didn’t work out. Is still best friends with her though.

Currently in a relationship with Subhadra, she’s two years younger, but our boi doesn’t really care because he’s so smitten by her. Bestfs still above her though.

Is Kunti’s favourite kid. Kunti is an actual sweetheart exclusively to him.

Everyone loves him.

Sometimes sick of all the attention he gets.

Major enimity with the soccer team’s vice captain, Karna.

“I WILL PROVE THE VICE CAPTAIN IS NO MATCH TO ME!”

Bheema:

Really tall, really husky, Fitness freak.

Still loves food more than right about anything.

There’s only one person he’d choose over food. The head girl. Some say he has had a crush on her since junior school. Draupadi values him a lot but doesn’t seem to reciprocate the attention he gives her.

Is stupid, but it’s okay because he’s also the good-est boy in town.

Not very bright academically.

Doesn’t get the recognition he deserves.

Literally the BEST basketball player, but all everyone in school seems to care about is soccer and track events :/.

Has anger management issues which land him into trouble very often.

“Panchaali! You should be proud of me, I prevented a murder today, BY CONTROLLING MY ANGER.”

Nakul:

Is a year younger to everyone in his class.

Really cute, really handsome. Is also well aware about this.

Is not much of a ladies man but SO MANY PEOPLE have crushes on him.

Is practically never seen without his guitar and bestf, Sahadev, who is the only one who shares his birth year.

Can be found giving out personalised skin care routines for fun. And Sahadev, being the brains of the duo, charges in cash, that is how both of them get their pocket money.

Goes to the restroom after every period to make sure his hair are still on point.

Has a successful band. Obviously he’s the lead.

“Wow! Who is this beauty!? Oh my God! This is why I use mirrors as mood boosters.”

Sahadev:

Smartest kid in the school. School topper.

Can talk about random trivia for hours, and people like listening to him.

Is either in the library or hanging out with Nakul.

Hates school A LOT.

Sahadev doesn’t attend a lot of classes because he knows teachers aren’t of any help to him.

Always attends maths class, even though he doesn’t like Sir Shakuni. Prolly because he wanted to be Shakuni’s fav but Shakuni only likes the bad boys. Sigh.

Is a walking human encyclopaedia.

“Why is everyone so stupid!? I WANNA GO HOME! I HATE YOU ALL! (Except my boi Nakul).”

Krishna:

(Ik everyone in the fandom loves him v much. Please don’t hate me for this.)

Manipulative to a point its very toxic.

Doesn’t like taking responsibilities and being held accountable

so just tricks people who take up responsibility into listening to him.

The OG heart eyes in the campus.

Still ships Draupadi and Arjuna for some reason. Even though he treats Arjuna’s girlfriend as his younger sister.

So stubborn.

Is good at everything but doesn’t like the lime light.

A Krishna-Shakuni Feud is the best source of entertainment.

Krishna seems to think that every body who disagrees with him is absolutely wrong and would go any length to make a point. Is also sort of disrespectful to the teachers he doesn’t like.

However, has a very captivating charm that makes him most people’s favourite. Shakuni sees through his well planned schemes because he has fully functional brain cells.

Loves his friendship quadrant and a girl from some other school who visits often, a lot.

A feminist. Hates the school’s rule book in a positive manner.

“🧚🏻‍♀️🥰 What mischief should I do today? And how do I trick someone into thinking it was their idea, not mine?🥰🧚🏻‍♀️”

Karna:

Soccer team vice captain.

Here on a scholarship.

Every girl with daddy issues is head over heels for him.

Uses Hating Arjuna as a personality trait.

Also uses his love for Duryodhana as another personality trait.

Has lots of rumours about him. He doesn’t care because all he cares about is defeating Arjuna.

A lot of students ship Draupadi with him. It’s just stupid. Both of them dislike each other, but are too evolved to care about stupid rumours.

Is extremely generous.

Since the owner’s kid, who is RICH is his bestf, he never misses a chance to slide a meal from the overpriced canteen to any one who forgot lunch.

Suffers from classism and tries very hard to fight the inferiority complex he gets because most kids around are super rich.

Dronacharya dislikes him, he dislikes him back, however, still tries to win him.

Has abandonment issues.

Some say he looks upto Ma’am Kunti for validation.

The cricket coach, Pashuram, likes this kid though.

“Are you challenging me Arjuna!?”

Duryodhan:

Thinks too highly of himself.

Being the owner’s kid makes up for half his personality. The other half is his devotion towards his beloved Karna.

Is probably bi and Has a not so subtle crush on his bestf.

Has another personality that is devoted to trying to convince everyone he should be head boy.

He once started an intervention demanding “Duryodhana should be headbody” and he was also the leader on the intervention. Karna was unwillingly in his support.

Is Sir Shakuni’s favourite bratty kid.

Only listens to Shakuni or Karna.

Comes up with evil and downright mean mischiefs but always fails.

He once tried to full on flirt with Draupadi but got his a*s whooped.

Tried to sabotage Yudhishthir’s reputation but Krishna’s interference led him to fail.

“Where’s Mitr Karna!?!? I get anxiety when I don’t have him or Sir Shakuni around for long!”

“I should be headboy! No head girl. Karna should be headboy 2.”

Dushasan:

Befriended Duryodhana first year of school.

Looks up to Duryodhana. Only imitates his bad qualities. That’s it, that’s his entire personality.

Even Shakuni who loves bratty kids, dislikes this one.

Has more haters than the headboy. Except people hate on him openly.

Total failure.

A bully.

Dushasana can be found in the last room on the third floor of the oldest block very often. That’s the detention room.

Tries to flirt with every girl around, and girls just ew this creep AS THEY SHOULD.

Doesn’t have a personality of his own.

“Dury Bro! HOW DID YOU DO THAT? CAN I TOO PLEASE?”

Sikhandi/Sikhandini:

FEMINIST.

Gender fluid and ready to teach a lesson to anyone who invalidates her.

Strong and independent.

Important member of the soccer as well as the cricket team.

Also, a star athelete.

Has a very strong bonding with Ma’am Amba because VERY similar.

Sikhandi/Sikhandni can be seen gossiping with Amba on the stair case a lot, some claim to have heard them trash talk Bheeshma.

Bold and not afraid to stand for what they believes in without caring about the consequences.

Once they gave herself a third ear piercing, using a compass when Kunti told her a double piercing was a distraction after Yudhishthir complained about it.

Emerges as a parent figure to juniors who are bullied for being different.

“As long as you have the right intentions you’re valid okay?”

Drishtdyum:

Introvert.

Minds his own business.

Manages good grades and a spot in the sports squad.

He found out he shared his birthday with the Draupadi in second grade. Loves her like a sister since then.

The basketball coach sees some spark in him that no one else does.

Is liked by all but doesn’t get the attention he deserves.

Is pretty content with life in General.

Ashwatthama:

Soccer coach’s kid.

Is self aware.

Realistic and practical.

Suffers from major attention deprivation.

Duryodhan lent him a pencil case in second standard. Asshwatthama tries so hard to become his favourite ever since.

The Iconic Karna Dury duo however, ignore almost always.

Expanded the “Duryodhana should be headboy” intervention but his efforts weren’t recognised.

Closeted gay.

Respects superiors while disliking them.

Quite bitter.

“Will this win me Duryodhan’s love?”

Subhadra:

Eyes like forest pools.

Looks up to Draupadi as a role model.

Arjuna is her weakness even though she’s dating him.

Kunti likes her. Doesn’t mind if she’s dating Arjuna.

There’s this brilliant student in the junior section, Abhimanyu. Subhadra and Arjuna spend a lot of time with him together. They sort of look like a very happy family.

Always tops English and History class.

Gossip queen xoxo.

“Draupadi Didi and Krishna bhaiya said so, Arjuna you know I cannot say no to them.”

Dushala:

Is the sweetest person around.

Believes there is some good in every person.

Even hangs out with Duryodhana and squad thinking they’ll change some day.

Karna and Dushala often discuss how to mend this group’s ways, assisted by Dury’s girlfriend, Bhanumati.

Is stuck in a relationship with a jerk but doesn’t have the heart to break up with him.

Is literally kindness personified.

Dushala’s favourite teacher is Gandhaari. Probably because no one else gives the teacher validation and Dushala doesn’t like when someone is sad.

Jayadaratha:

Terrible person.

Only the size of a grain of sand better than Dushasana.

Started Dating Dushala Sophomore year.

Dushala really wants to break up with this jerk but she’s too sweet to hurt someone even as terrible as him so she just avoids him.

Once Draupadi slapped him in public. Dushala cheered the loudest.

Is only relevant because of his girlfriend.

Bhanumati:

Says Duryodhana is an excellent boyfriend.

Corrects her man when he’s wrong.

Is also close friends with Karna.

Led the intervention against the “Duryodhana should be headboy intervention.”

It hurt Dury but it’s okay because Bhanumati has her own thoughts and he respects that. Guess he is actually a good boyfriend.

“OMG DURY!!!! STOP IT! KARNA HOW DO WE STOP DURY FROM DOING ANOTHER F*CK UP?”

Yuyutsu:

Is very lovable.

Boy has no hater.

Somehow was befriended by Duryodhan in junior school.

Feels stuck in the Dury gang ever since.

Secretly, very strongly admires Yudhishthir, Arjuna, Draupadi and of course, KRISHNA.

Is everything you’d wanna fix in Yudhishthir.

Yuyutsu, Dushala and Vikarna trio is bff goals.

“Is there any way I can change my friend group? Face palms”

Vikarna:

Counsels Duryodhana on Yuyutsu’s advise.

There isn’t much to say about him. Dude’s a good guy with humanly flaws.

Feels stuck in Dury gang but has made his peace with their ways.

Dushala, Yuyutsu and Vikarna are often found gossiping with Ma’am Gandhaari, she often warns them about how their other friends are bad kids and they should not get influenced.

“Why!? Because yuyutsu says so that’s why!”

Eklavya:

Here on scholarship.

This poor kid was bullied so much initially when he joined school because of his economic status.

Coach Drona wouldn’t let him into the soccer team because he’s afraid someone might out shine his favourite.

Stays away from the dirty politics in school.

Became a star athelete despite all the odds he faced.

Eklavya was once locked in the washroom before a 100m race on the sports day. No one knows who did that for sure. Although some people claim to know it was Coach Drona.

Rukmini:

President of the theatre club.

Crushes on Krishna for an unknown duration.

Krishna does give her attention because EXCUSE ME, she is impossible to ignore.

Rukmini befriended Nakul in the corridors as they bumped into each other after every period, while going to/coming from the washroom to check their respective hairdos.

Satyabhama:

Is Draupadi’s psychological twin.

President of the debating society.

Another one of Krishna’s closest friends.

The school is full of Satyabhama-Krishna shippers. But their friendship quadrant knows Krishna is smitten by this girl from some other school.

Radha:

The girl from some other school.

Probably goes to an all girls convent school.

Is shy but can be seen having a a gala time with Krishna after school. Friends w Subhadra too.

Nobody in school knows much about her but it’s evident Krishna and her are 11/10 soulmates uwu.

Rukmi:

Rukmini’s twin brother.

Is overly protective of his sister.

Thinks he’s well sorted but almost always creates a mess.

Has some sort of minor feud with Krishna.

Is neck deep in a very toxic friendship with Shishupal.

Shishupal:

Rebel without a cause.

A headache.

Wants to fight Krishna but is scared of him.

Wants to join the Dury gang but no on lets him in.

Shishupal is known to spread the most problematic rumours in school.

Hidimbi:

Stays occupied in her small social circle of not so popular kids.

She’s famous, though doesn’t talk to many people.

Proposed to Bheem in middle school.

Bheem gently turned her down because he was already mad about Draupadi. Hidimba moved on with life without sulking about it. Probably still likes him though.

Also, really close to this Ghatotkutch person who is in fifth grade.

Ulupi and Chitrangada:

Dated Arjuna for a few weeks each.

Then bonded over how he’s not a good boyfriend and not as perfect as everyone thinks he is. they do have a point though.

Are now bestfs and don’t like anyone else in school.

Since, I’m an attention wh*re tagging: @bigheadedgirlwithbigdreams @soniaoutloud @supermeh-krishnafan @incorrectmahabharatquotes @chaanv @hoeticulture @lemponkoira @1nsaankahanhai-bkr

Also, link to part 1: https://eclecticwordblender.tumblr.com/post/625462681921568768/foundation

COVID-19, Negligent Manslaughter, and a Timeline of Tory Indifference

“I feel sorry for Boris Johnson. He is doing the best he can in the situation and I don’t think anybody else could have done a better job.”

[exhibit A: a gem somebody that I’m Facebook friends with reposted earlier]

It’s a sentiment that I cannot quite wrap my head around. I sit here hopeless and furious and trying to hold back tears because it’s been almost a year since England first went into lockdown and yet here we are, almost 100,000 dead, in an even worse position than we were before whilst other countries begin to slowly return to normality. It is clear to me who is to blame for this, however there are a large proportion of people who don’t want to “politicise” the actions of the PRIME MINISTER with regards to his approach towards handling a virus sweeping the country he GOVERNS. 

Typically, these kind of posts making the rounds on social media will be accompanied by some kind of photo of Boris Johnson looking somber as if to suggest that the way things have played out were beyond his control and that he is some kind of broken man beleaguered by the suffering he has, despite good intentions, inadvertently caused.

This one in particular of Johnson with his head in his hands is a staple. In reality, this is a photo taken back in 2018 whilst he was receiving flack from party members for comparing Theresa May to a suicide bomber (for her handling of Brexit, ironically) as well as from the papers due to his rumoured (now also proven, in a completely non-surprising turn of events, to be true) affair with his former aide, Carrie Symonds. 

So let’s shut this narrative-where we should feel for Boris because he’s doing his best, and apparently a better job than anybody else could’ve done in his situation- down right here. In a supposedly developed country with one of the world’s largest economies, if we’re talking by proportion, our COVID-19 death toll is up there with the worst of them. It seems that every other state figurehead (bar a small handful), and I mean almost every single one of them, is doing a better job. People love to throw figures out there about how densely populated we are to combat damning statistics as if we haven’t got just as many factors playing to our advantage, as if it’s unfair to compare our response to Germany’s or Japan’s or Singapore’s (both of which are far more densely populated) or New Zealand’s or Vietnam’s, but we are an ISLAND with world-leading technology and infrastructure and healthcare equipment and professionals and a relatively high standard of living. In what world is almost 70,000 dead in a country with abundant time and means to prepare a response reflective of said country’s leaders doing a good job?

Apparently we’re supposed to believe that Johnson feels some sense of moral responsibility for this astronomical failure. A man who refuses to acknowledge the multiple children he has fathered outside of his marriages and who has had repeatedly engaged in affairs and one-night stands throughout said marriages. A man who continued to cheat whilst his most recent wife was receiving treatment for cervical cancer, for fuck’s sake. Yep, a real stand-up guy. 

So where does this idea that Johnson must feel remorseful for this catastrophe come from? We haven’t seen a second of remorse or a hint of accountability for the lives lost from him nor any members of his cabinet. That much is really no surprise; I have this hypothesis, and it’s not a stretch, that these people do not have an ounce of empathy in their bodies. These ridiculously privileged, privately-educated individuals who have had everything handed to them their entire lives simply cannot put themselves in the shoes of the average working person and that is the problem. Unable to recognise that what distinguishes them from most others is little more than the luck of being born into wealth and the abundance of recourses and connections that has entailed throughout their lives, they see us as beneath them-as less intelligent, less driven, and thus less deserving of the status and respect they enjoy. They see us as a bunch of whining, unmotivated idiots who do not recognise the chokehold they have over our media nor the fact that everything they do is a desperate grab to keep money and power within the hands of a select group of people, an exclusive members club from which most of us are barred (just take a simple Google search and watch Jacob Rees-Mogg’s opinion of the Grenfell victims or the buried Johnson speech where he talks about how inequality is essential). They know that we will squabble amongst ourselves about who is to blame rather than wising up to the truth which is that every decision they make is fuelled by cronyism and the inability to make and follow through with difficult choices, the pandemic being no exception. The supposedly self-made elite see the life of the average working class person as having far less value than their own, and their parties actions over the last 10 years have made that very clear. 

It was in December 2019 that the first case of COVID-19 was declared to the World Health Organisation and on March the 11th that they announced they considered it as a pandemic. In Wuhan, people were dying of pneumonia in their clusters. And what was Boris Johnson doing in this time? Well for starters, here in the UK we didn’t even have a pandemic committee-Johnson had scrapped it six months before. If years of benefits cuts and defunding of the NHS in favour of funding nuclear weapon programs, keeping British troops on other people’s lands, and tax breaks for the mega corporations that donate to their party didn’t convince you that the Conservatives have little regard for human life, them getting rid of this committee-whilst a pandemic has been declared year after year as the greatest threat to mankind-should have been the first sign of trouble. As if that wasn’t enough, he also skipped five of the COBRA (meetings are made up of a cross-departmental committee put together to respond to national emergencies and PMs routinely attend those pertaining to crises on the scale of COVID-19) meetings addressing the situation. Whilst other countries were closing their borders and stocking up on PPE, Johnson and his ministers were selling PPE abroad and simply telling people to wash their hands to the length of the tune of happy birthday. Their only policy was one of “herd immunity”, which was in fact not a policy but just an abandonment of their party’s public duty disguised as one, intentionally obfuscated with pseudoscientific jargon.

Even thinking the absolute worst of politicians you would hope that when it came to the point where the UK’s non-response to COVID-19 was becoming an international disgrace, Johnson and his ministers would take proper protective measures if only to save face. But when they eventually seemed to do so, it became clear that the priority was not the safety of the ordinary people affected by the virus. Outsourcing their test and traces system to companies such as Serco, Sitel, Deloitte and G4S rather than public health services, Conservative ministers could not resist attempting to line the pockets of their friends and benefactors in the process. According to the Guardian, instead of reaching out to the experts or using publicly funded services to handle COVID containment measures, the Conservative party has awarded a disgusting £1.5 BILLION WORTH of contracts to businesses with explicit connections to its MPs and donors, the majority of which lack any relative experience of the tasks they’ve been trusted to carry out. Unsurprisingly, the National Audit office found that when awarding contracts relating to the production of COVID-19 protection measures and treatment needs, there was a “high-priority lane” for suppliers referred by senior politicians and officials; companies with a political referral were 10 times more likely to end up winning a government contract than those without. On top of this, it is not hard to draw a link between the late initiation of lockdown measures and preemptive openings of pubs and restaurants against scientific advice to the interests of frequent donors such as Wetherspoons owner Tim Martin. Even if one chooses to ignore the blatantly obvious correlation between the owners of the businesses whose profits were prioritised over safety concerns and the number of those owners who donate to the Conservatives, party officials at the very least were reluctant to follow the lead of many other countries in financing furlough schemes themselves and instead avoided this responsibility by using loose lockdown measures to leave it down to the discretion of small business owners, who couldn’t themselves afford to furlough staff, whether or not to stay open. 

Time and time again, as the government flounder and fuck about, favouring personal desires to keep their powerful, high-paying jobs and to satisfy the corporate allies who make this possible, blame has been shifted from the public to care homes to NHS workers and back again whilst we, the public, make the biggest sacrifices of all under the illusion that we were being guided out of this pandemic rather than lied to and thrown under the bus. Whilst the elite continue to pick and choose what rules apply to them, it’s students and the elderly and the vulnerable paying the fines and scrabbling to afford basic living costs and hoping that they don’t lose someone dear to them.

Don’t get me wrong, a large proportion of the public have contributed to the spread too with their selfishness and entitlement and the arrogance it takes to develop a sudden refusal to acknowledge basic science from experts who have studied in the field their whole lives so that they can justify their need to go to the pub (speaking of, it’s absolutely HILARIOUS how many “mental health advocates” are suddenly coming out of the woodworks on football avi Twitter after they’ve spent years calling people on mental health Twitter attention seekers). And don't get me wrong, there were inevitably going to be casualties of this pandemic. But it didn't have to spread to this many people, and there didn’t have to be so many deaths due to a lack of preparation, and this wouldn’t have been the case if it weren’t for the inherent apathy of the Conservative party towards the lives of people of lesser status than them, the reluctance to put those lives before party interests. I wish I felt like there was an end in sight, I wish there was some positive takeaway from all of this, but even now, we continue to see corners being cut with the vaccine lauded as our saving grace and anti-maskers gathering outside hospitals to chant about how “oppressive” it is to be urged to wear a bit of cloth over their faces for the short periods of time in which they leave their houses and all I can think of is the selfishness that runs like poison through our country. It makes me sick and leaves me to question desperately where we go from here. I don’t like unanswered questions, I don’t like feeling politically directionless, and I don’t like the growing fear I have about the state of the world which seems to intensify every single day. In the UK at least, it’s starting to feel like nothing will ever change-we’re told we live in a democracy and yet mainstream media is owned by the people whose interest is to keep their Conservative friends in power. The stronghold they have over print media in particular allows them to continually get away with smearing and defaming every person who comes along and seems to want to actually help ordinary people, without being challenged, to the point where the only kind of “opposition” we’re left with promises nothing but a big boss approved tactical reshuffling of the status quo (which they call “electability”); it doesn’t feel like democracy when the majority of the country are being fed misleading information and convinced against voting in their best interests. 

This is the result of that. The state we find ourselves in is the inevitable result of being manipulated into helping the elite build their protective wall whilst the rest of us scrabble to get in and step on each others heads along the way, the people inside shouting over that it’s those even more vulnerable than ourselves that are taking our places. Outside the wall, the earth is falling from beneath our feet, and instead of throwing over the ropes to help us out, the people inside are stockpiling them so they can secure their firm place above ground and then later flog the rest. How many more people have to die before we reach some kind of widespread realisation of that? Where do we go from here and what do we do? Well for one, we can stop spreading those god-fucking-awful textposts on Facebook and get our heads out of our arses. Wear our masks over and wear them over our fucking noses. Have some fucking consideration for others. Don’t wait til an issue affects you personally to give a fuck about it. AND START HOLDING THE FUCKING PRIME MINISTER AND HIS MINISTERS AND HIS ENTIRE PARTY AS WELL AS THE OPPOSITION MPS THAT HAVE SAT BY THE SIDELINES AND ALLOWED THIS TO GO ON WITHOUT PROTEST ACCOUNTABLE. That would be a good start. 

I’m so tired. Things didn’t need to be this way, and yet because of the selfishness of the few, thousands upon thousands are dead. It’s not about “throwing around blame”, it’s not about “throwing around” anything, it’s about expecting a leader to do his best to protect lives. If that is “throwing blame”, let’s get things clear, I have no issue with hurtling it torpedo style at those who handed out a death sentence to so many in this country rather than do anything that might compromise their own privilege. Honestly, pass me the shovel after and I’ll happily bury the wreckage in the ground. Who wants to join?:-)

Author Interview

I was tagged by @sleepswithvillains . I’ve never been tagged much before so this is kind of new for me, but I love it! Tag me all the time! Also you did it again, where I got the Tumblr notification like right as I went to bed, but my sleep schedule is so wack right now.

Tagging: @guardianofrivendell @moriamithril @sunflower1000 and really whoever wants to do it. Drop me a tag if you decide to do it because I definitely want to see what you have to say!

I have a lot of unfinished fics and not a lot of published works in comparison. 

1. Name: The Merriweather Mage (Tumblr)/ RinzlersGhost (AO3)

2. Fandoms: LOTR/The Hobbit, The Witcher (TV), SWTOR/Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Twilight, Underworld (though I’m not active in most of them unless I’m hyper-fixating)

3. Where you post: AO3, Tumblr, and I have an inactive FF.NET account

4. Most popular oneshot: People seem to have a real affinity for Meleth-nin/My Love. I actually hated writing it, because I was in such a bad place after receiving news that my childhood dog had died, but I don’t hate the fic itself.

5. Most popular multichapter: Every Kitten Has Claws which is a Geralt X Druid Fem!Reader. 25 Kudos, 3 bookmarks, 517 hits. Followed by Turuhalme in the Greenwood which is Thranduil X Fem!Reader. 9 Kudos, 1 bookmark, 270 hits. Both contain 18+ Content.

6. Actual worst part of writing: I legitimately hate writing fight scenes. I’m horrible at them and most of my fics contain some sort of fight scene obnoxiously enough. Although the best advice I ever saw on here was to keep your fight scenes short because not very many people are interested in a long drawn out detailed fight scene. 

7. Favorite story you wrote: Bards & Beans Coffee Co. Elrond X Fem!Reader. Was the first time I’d ever written anything in the second person. I based it off of a dream I had about meeting Elrond in a coffee shop. I planned it, wrote it, and posted it in the span of four days. It’s basically as if Middle Earth exists on the other side of meridian locks, and it’s set during the War of the Ring but with some of the characters from the Hobbit so the timelines are pretty pushed together. Your side of the meridian locks has a Earth that is basically a continuous strip of land that varies from high-tech futuristic ports all the way down to medieval ports. Basically the farther North you go, the more high tech and futuristic the land becomes. Quite a shock for those who would have never been to the other side of the locks. 18+ Content.

8. Story you were nervous to post: Most likely all of them. Any of my Twilight work though, I always hesitate about publishing. Sometimes it’s because the stories are close to my heart, but I also know that the fandom can be rabid. Most of the interactions I’ve ever had with Twilight blogs are fine, but there’s a lot of discourse about Twilight right now, and while I appreciate that most people are in the right (the issue with the Quileute tribe, the Cullen’s as villains, Jasper and the Confederacy, the actual legitimacy of the Volturi as a ruling body, etc), this is actually one of the reasons I left the fandom from a writing/following POV. (There are many, many things that are wrong with Twilight and not from a literature point of view. For example, Meyers took a real life Native American tribe and treated them highly unfairly in the books, to the point of calling them dogs which isn’t very fair at all, and they have received no compensation for being used and they are risk in the place they live in now. If you have some time and money, I would recommend checking out the Quileute Move to Higher Ground project.)

9. How you choose your titles: For story titles, I like to choose the main theme or a main phrase that is used. For chapter titles, I either don’t title or I will chose something that is a main part of the chapter.

10. Complete works: Out of the 21 works I have on AO3, 18 of them are completed, although one is an open ended and may be reopened after I get some of the larger works out of my way. As for fics in general that I haven’t published or have published on other platforms, there is 2 of 5 complete works on FF.NET. Some of those stories I will be pulling and deleting. The two complete works will be migrating to AO3.

11. Incomplete works: Actively: Sadril-nin/My Loyal One, A Hunter’s Circlet, and Beauty in Brokenness (unpublished for now). I have a few other inactive LOTR/The Hobbit based fics that I might try to finish after the main two are finished. Inactive: Literally too many to count. I mean, when I wrote my goodbye to the Twilight fandom, I said that I had been writing for the fandom for nearly nine years. I have so many unfinished Twilight fics, well over 100.

12. Do you outline: Not usually. I’m at the point with Sadril-nin right now where I’m literally following a map of Middle Earth and cataloguing the journey across the map, so I guess that could be considered an outline. Mostly if I’m writing for LOTR/The Hobbit, I want to follow the timeline of progression for the story that’s already been written. I do have a little bit of leeway in that gap between The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings though.

13. Coming soon ideas, maybe? I’ve been giving you a taste of Beauty in Brokenness. I do intend to publish it, but it’s a constant struggle to rework it. I have ideas that I want to cement in the story that don’t always come out the way I want them to, so I am consistently reworking parts of it all the time. I will also be rewriting (eventually) Crown of Thorns, which is Pirates of the Caribbean fanfic, Lord Beckett X Siren!OFC. I also appreciate the idea of Nestadion X Centaur Fem!Reader, but instead of being a centaur all the time, you’re actually a shifter who can turn into a centaur. Really confuses a warrior elf to see what amounts to a small human carrying this massive two handed sword around and calling him “princess” all the time.

14. Ask me anything: Is there anything you miss in fanfic? In comparison to the actual book/movie? Not really. I appreciate the original works, but I recognize that they can be flawed and so can their authors/writers. Which is why fanfic is so appealing-- everyone has a different spin on the original; everyone has a different take on the characters, everyone writes differently, and that’s the fascinating part to me. The only downside, of course with any fanfic, is the fandom and it can be hit or miss with people. It is what it is, and the liberty of fanfic is that not everyone is going to like or enjoy your works, and the same goes for your tastes. Are there right or wrong opinions? I don’t know; I’ve both read and written some morally ambiguous fics, and some I would like to forget that I very much haven’t.

15. Best writing traits: Same as the worst writing traits. I’m a sucker for detail. I love it. I want my readers to see it like I do. When I read books or play D&D or play video games, I see it like I’m in a movie. When I write, I want you to see it like you’re on set and the cameras are rolling and you are perfectly prepared. I want you to feel like you are in the story, which is why my oneshots turn into series, and my multi-chapter fics turn into novel length stories. I find it obnoxious at times, because I feel like I can’t ever turn it off, but by the feedback I get, some of y’all really enjoy it, so let’s get this show on the road.

16. Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: Uhhhh, let me go browse my WIP folder. I’ve put quite a bit of research into rewriting Crown of Thorns and making it slightly more historically accurate. I know that there will be a Part 2 to Sadril-nin, because I’m not going to time skip a seventy/eighty year gap between the timelines of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. And I really don’t want to submit y’all to this absolutely massive story all jam-packed into one fic. Other than that, I’m also sitting on Through Hellfire and High Waters, which is another Elrond X Reader fic that follows the premise of a modern/medieval world all smashed into one. The Queen of Eryn Galen also needs a proper ending and to be published, a Thranduil X OFC fic; this one will also have a Part 2.

17. Spicy Tangential Opinion: I don’t care if my writing makes the characters out of character. I try to tag that if I can, but let’s be real here. Either I’m writing a character that originally has a limited backstory and a very real chance at an open-ended future, or I didn’t like the canon character and I’m rejecting that reality and replacing it with my own. Does it mean that I don’t or am refusing to recognize character flaws? No, and that’s the beauty of fanfic. You can do whatever you want. You might get hate for it or you might not. For example, I am a fan of Severus Snape (RIP Alan Rickman). Does his character have flaws? Yes. Do I like the way he was canonically written? No. Are his actions justifiable? Hell no. Is that going to stop me from being a fan? Again, no. He is arguably one of the most disagreed upon character of that series. I don’t see a need to defend why I write him the way I do. I don’t see a need to defend him in discourse, and I’m certainly not going to be hateful about it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about it. Yes, there was probably some underlying intent when the character was written. I’m not here (unless you’re specifically asking my opinion on it) I’m not here to read in between the lines with characters like Snape. I do not care enough to lose friends over opinions like that.

Guide to Finding Motivation

So currently we are living through a pandemic, many countries are in lock down, schools and workplaces forced to move online (mostly, apart from essential workers obviously). Finding motivation to complete tasks such as school work or just work in general is pretty difficult under the stressful circumstances. Throughout this post i hope to inform you about motivation and tips on how to stay motivated! 

What is motivation?

Motivation can be defined as what causes or directs a person to behaviour or to repeat a behaviour. It can be driven by other people or events (extrinsic motivation) or come from within the individual (intrinsic motivation). 

Common misconceptions

“Some people have intrinsic motivation while others do not”

Intrinsic motivation is NOT static, it fluctuates within individuals at different times, and we have the ability to generate intrinsic motivation!

“Rewarding behaviour boosts motivation, therefore enhances performance”

Rewards boost motivation when used alongside algorithmic tasks (set of instructions that lead you down one path i.e.; checking out customers at a supermarket). 

Rewards hinder performance when used in conjunction to conceptual tasks. 

Study showed that when money was used as a reward for conceptual tasks that the individual lost intrinsic interest. The idea of: “If you do this you get this”. It makes people feel like they have to give up some of their autonomy (feeling of control/ self-directed freedom and moral independence), and it is in our very nature to rebel against such notions.

Working under motivation of external rewards narrows focus, making you more focused on obtaining the reward rather than completing your task to your full potential, and thorough exploration of ideas. 

If used as the base of your motivation, rewards can have consequences.

Cheating, shortcuts and unethical behaviour can be encouraged as it allows you to reach your goal faster and obtaining your reward. A common example of this would be copy pasting a large section of a lengthy paper due. In the end, this cheating behaviour only disadvantages you!  

Short-term thinking is fostered in an environment of reward based motivation for completion of goals. As the drive for completing your goal is the reward, you can forget the long-term impacts. For example copy & pasting notes on a subject that you didn’t even read through to show you’ve completed your homework, then impacts your ability to perform well on a test later that week.

As explained above, poor performance for conceptual based tasks and diminished creativity. 

“You have to begin tasks when motivated”

Often more than not, we have to complete tasks whether we like them or not. They are either mandatory for a passing grade or required for you to get your pay check at the end of the week. If you had to begin these tasks when motivation struck, you’d be failing all of your classes right now and broke af. 

 Motivation is often the result of action, not the cause of it. Momentum is gained once there is action. How can you build up speed if you don’t start running first? 

“We are great at determining what motivates us and what doesn’t”

After living with yourself for your whole life, you’d think you know what you find interesting and motivating, but no. Humans are terrible at determining what motivates us and what doesn’t. A study showed that when a group that was given a “boring task” to do, and was asked to rate their level of engagement before doing the task, they highly underestimated their level of engagement. Showing that people tend to underestimate their power to generate intrinsic reward when faced with boring tasks. 

This could explain why we find it so difficult to start tasks, so try not to allow yourself to engage with negative thoughts about the nature of the task to be completed. We need to learn to not overthink/ predetermine the level of interest for a task because our prediction is often inaccurate.

Ways to spark intrinsic motivation

“Long-term”

Long-term “solutions” take time and are pretty broad/vague answers, but they are very important in seeing the bigger picture surrounding motivation.   

Ambition is the desire for something more, dreaming big! People tend to set their ambitions too low, making them uninterested in pursuing the task. That’s why it is important to dream big, and set challenging goals (although not unattainable, because then that’s just discouraging). Make sure to create your own goals, as it allows you to keep a sense of autonomy, whilst also setting the goal at an optimal range of difficulty (which will be further explained further down).

Mastery is the desire to better ourselves. It refers to our want to learn and keep learning until we reach a point where we are proud of our knowledge on a topic.

 Purpose is the desire to better something bigger than ourselves, to better the world! Having a sense of purpose in what you are doing is very important, as it gives value and reasoning as to why you are doing it. 

Expectancy is the belief that you are capable of achieving the goals you set out for yourself. You expect that you have the expertise/ confidence/ resources for what you need to do to achieve this goal.

Observation leads to motivation contagion. This idea is best explained through an example; imagine a friend that engages in an activity or subject that you’re initially not a fan of. But you see this friend repeatedly gain enjoyment through participating in this activity, therefore it influences you to also try gain enjoyment from this activity too because your friend gains so much joy from it. This effect can also be seen after listening to positive podcasts or reading motivational books, quotes etc.

“Short-term”

Short-term “solutions” are some practical ways in which you can see results in your motivation levels and productivity almost immediately. These tips can be incorporated into your everyday routine, keeping in mind the long-term ideas.

Discipline yourself. Work with the limitations you have, using your knowledge on how motivations works. Knowing that not everything is going to be fun and exciting, make an effort to committing to a task and sitting through it.

Which brings us to commitment. Starting the task isn’t the hardest part for no reason. It is difficult because at the start is when you feel most uncomfortable, you are nervous and unfamiliar with the task. What you can do is set a short timer for as little as 2 min, this forces you to commit to feeling uncomfortable for a short amount of time until either the timer is up and motivation kicks in, you keep going or you’ve at least started your task. 2 minutes of work is better than nothing. 

Planning also ties into commitment. When you plan a certain time for you to begin a task, you make your task a necessity, leaving out the time for your brain to dwell over when you’re going to start something. Again, you can’t rely on motivation to kick in when you need it, so instead you make it kick in yourself.

Eliminating distractions is very important, because to point out the obvious, its extremely hard to focus with distractions. So do your best to minimise distractions to the best of your abilities for example, close the door to your study, turn your phone on do not disturb, etc.

Maintain adequate goal difficulty with your tasks. If the task you are doing is too easy, you’ll get bored; if a task is too difficult, you may feel overwhelmed and discouraged to do the task. Therefore you should aim to set tasks that challenging, but not too challenging. Find an optimal goal difficulty for yourself. Ie: don’t set your initial goal to run a marathon if you don’t even regularly exercise/run. Set attainable goals which gradually get more difficult, make your way up. For the marathon example, set your first goal to maybe running a couple km/miles per week, then per day; eventually reaching your final goal to running a marathon when you have the “expertise” or skill in order to accomplish your goal. 

Lastly, make sure to have maintain a fair comparison on your achievements. Compare yourself to your past self, not others. It is unfair to compare yourself to others because you have different skill sets/ factors which influence your ability to complete tasks, and all it does is negatively affect your self-esteem. Aim for constructive self-criticism, and try not to be too harsh on yourself! It’s important to maintain a belief in our own abilities so that we can get something done. Emotions direct our behaviour (bad mood=less likely to be motivated/productive) so try to keep a positive outlook on situations/tasks.

Finally

Now, as this post is already long as it is, I’ll try to wrap it up here with a template to help you (if you choose to use it of course) begin your task with a positive and informed outlook surrounding motivation. I really hope this post helps you guys, let me know if does!

Template Link <----

Also i would like to say that most, if not all, the information i used to make this post I got from an awesome Skillshare class by Catrinel Girbovan “Learn How To Motivate Yourself: Master Self-Discipline and Get Things Done”.

So if you have skillshare i highly recommend you check it out for more tips that I didn’t go into depth with because of the length of the post already.

Hope everyone has a good day :)

Some cull/Cullo people diagrams

Species information and permissions under the cut

The worldbuilding/culture information is just for my RPverse with my friends, it isn’t rigid and you can put them in any kind of universe you like!

Permissions: - can I make one? - Yes! Please credit me for the species once, or if you use my base - I don't like [x] about them, can I change it? - Change anything you want, there's no limits - can I make a half cull/half [whatever]? - Go for it! - can I put cull in a modern/sci fi/magical girl anime/etc. universe? - Yep! - can I make one for my friend? - Yep! - can I sell adopts for money? - Nope please don't, I'd prefer people didn't make money off of them

Cull/Cullo People, name comes from a corruption of 'collier' Pronounciation is 'kawl' or 'kawl' to rhyme with 'hall' The species is cull, the identity is Cullo - you would say 'they're a cull', 'I'm Cullo', or 'I'm a Cullo person' (compare, 'I'm Spanish') but not 'I'm a Cullo' (compare, 'I'm a French')

Body: - dense, water-resistant fur, comes in all ranges of of colours, patterns, and lengths - no external sex characteristics, no sexual dimorphism (breasts, beards, wide hips, etc.) - body types vary greatly, all are acceptable - prone to overheating in warmer areas

Head: - large furry hood, made of loose skin and fat - hood sits at collar and can be pulled up or down, vary in size, shape, looseness - some Cullo people can't pull theirs up over their heads and wear clothing instead - short snouts with small nostrils, can vary in shape - eyes have nictitating membranes - snake-like tongues - multiple rows of small, hook-shaped teeth - usually have a mane of hair atop the head at start of hood, textures and styles may vary - simple ear holes

Hands/Feet: - hands are humanoid, thick skin and covered in fur - not very strong grip - feet are reptilian, webbed, with prehensile dewclaw - feet are furred everywhere but the base, which are covered in thick scales for traction - prehensile dewclaw on inside of foot - stance switches between digitigrade and plantigrade at convenience

Tail: - snake-like, strong and muscular - varies in length, width, and shape - prehensile - genitalia is present near end of tail rather than near the pelvis (see Gender/Reproduction) - part of the reproductive and digestive system is in the tail, so they cannot lose it and survive

Diet: - primarily carnivorous, swallow most items raw and without chewing, will cut into chunks if too big to swallow whole - young are able to eat solid food from birth - anything ocean dwelling is most common, (fantasy equivalents of) fish, cephalopods, turtles, etc. - oppourtunistic and will also eat (fantasy equivalents of) birds, elk, wolves, snow leopards, etc. - raise an animal called lokorn (see diagram) - not much grows in their environment but if encountering traders will purchase and can eat unusual food - don't need to drink much, mostly get liquid from their food, however they CAN drink seawater

Technology: - human-level intelligence and social structures - live in fairly advanced societies with organisation, morals/laws, wages, writing/art, government, etc. - use complex tools and often live in remnant human structures that have been rebuilt, or in ice caves - do not use fire, lightning comes from ocean life bioluminescence - some choose to wear clothes, but there is no stigma for doing so or not - clothing style and complexity varies depending on the individual and area

Gender/Reproduction: - gender is unrelated to reproduction, decided on an individual basis - most reproductive units consist of three or more adults - genitalia/anus is near the end of the tail, a single opening cloaca, no penis/vagina/etc. - there are four sexes, one who can impregnate (provider), one who carries young (carrier), one who can do both (carrier/provider), and one who can do neither (nurturer) - young are born in placenta-like sacs about the size of a chicken egg, are nourished by them outside the womb - young are usually born in groups of three to five - a prominent hood is seen as attractive, but if so large it is floppy it is unappealing

Social: - grooming of fur is considered intimate - cuddling and being in large social groups is common, loners are rare - keeping one's hood down when outside is seen as foolish, like risky behaviour to look cool - affectionate language involves doubling name sounds, i.e. Maluri becomes Malulu, Mariri, Luluri, etc. - parents are addressed by their young by the first sound in their name plus A at the end, OR at the beginning if the first sound already ends with A, i.e. Dulie would be Dua, Maluri would be Ama

Ranking : The Coen Brothers (1954/1957 - present)

Directing a film can be one of the most vast, task oriented and stress inducing undertakings imaginable, which makes it odd that more directing duos, specifically sibling duos, do not exist.  Sibling duos like the Wachowskis, Hughes, Farrellys, Safdies and even the Zellners have made names for themselves, but one set of siblings easily towers above the rest : the Coen brothers.  With nearly 20 films under their belt, and nearly as many stylistic varieties and storytelling approaches found within, it is hard to argue the impression they have left on moviegoers worldwide over the past nearly four decades they’ve existed professionally.  With such a stellar record of films under their collective belts, I’ve decided to do the most stress-inducing task of all : rank these films from least to most favorite.

18. Intolerable Cruelty (2003) For a duo with so much distinct style and flair for storytelling, this film feels the least like a Coen Brothers film.  If anything, this feels like a script that sat on a shelf in pre-development hell, possibly for years, only for someone considering themselves a bit of a ‘maverick’ or ‘forward thinker’ to discover it and think that a dose of Coen Brothers magic could save it.  Even with the star power of George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones behind it, this one feels a bit too ‘by the numbers’ to stand out from an oeuvre that nears perfection.

17. Hail, Caesar! (2016) I’ll be completely honest with you all... I don’t remember much about this film.  I remember enjoying it, but I don’t remember being blown away by it.  I remember enjoying the colorful display of old Hollywood, and it’s always refreshing to see George Clooney lean into roles that border upon slapstick.  For as much as I found this film not all that memorable, however, it stands above Intolerable Cruelty simply because it does not trigger bad memories.  

16. Burn After Reading (2008) This film is what Intolerable Cruelty wanted to be... a property that is a hair closer to by the books, but full of a screwball approach that heralds to a forgotten era of film while using an incredibly stacked cast.  Of all the Coen Brothers films I’ve seen, Burn After Reading feels like the property that all involved enjoyed making the most.  Like many of the Coen Brothers films, the cast on this one is mega-stacked, and from top to bottom, everyone involved shines in roles that go against their standard types, or amplify the most off-beat aspects of their performing ability.

15. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018) The fact that Netflix was able to pull the Coen Brothers for a film is a win in itself, and with the duo choosing to do an anthology piece, Netflix was primed to maximize on their investment.  While highly entertaining, however, the anthology nature of the property leaves it feeling a bit unfocused and disjointed at times... none of these stories really had enough meat on the bone to be expanded into feature-length films of their own, but for some reason, all parties involved passed on the opportunity to  make a multi-episode serial rather than a film comprised of multiple tales.  While using variance in storytelling methods and visual styles may work for some less talented directors, in the case of The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, it feels more like snack-sized bites in the place of true sustenance. 

14. The Ladykillers (2004) On paper, this film should have been a disaster.  The Coen Brothers generally opt for original stories, so the fact that they chose to adapt such an obscure 1950s property for the modern day was strange, especially in light of the fact that most every element with the exception of Tom Hanks’ character was given a modern update.  Somehow, despite all of this oddness, The Ladykillers managed to capture a sense of the classic Coen Brothers slapstick comedy that they famously established themselves with early on in their career.  Tom Hanks is given the green light to go completely ridiculous, and to much of the viewers’ delight, he does so with great aplomb.  His supporting cast shines, the comedic turn brings new energy to the story, and the southern gospel setting brings a rich sense of spirituality to an otherwise run of the mill film.   

13. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) The Coen Brothers were essentially household names by the turn of the 20th century, but O Brother, Where Art Thou? propelled them into a legendary status.  The grassroots mix of The Odyssey and the Robert Johnson crossroads legend took on a life of its own, leaving behind a soundtrack that birthed an entire generation of folk and bluegrass enthusiasts, as well as a film that showed the world George Clooney’s comedic chops.  Much like The Ladykillers, O Brother puts viewers deep into the unfamiliar territory of Southern ‘discomfort’, with the African-American experience playing a major role in the narrative.  Of all the Coen Brothers films one could use to introduce a stranger to their catalog, this one may be the best, as its infectious nature and stunning look leaves an impression on most anyone who has the pleasure to view it.

12. True Grit (2010) The Coen Brothers had already covered a wide bit of genre ground within their first three decades, but surprisingly, they’d not done a true western up to that point (though many argue that No Country For Old Men is a modern take on the western).  Therefore, when it was announced that their first western would be a remake of the iconic John Wayne film True Grit, many were surprised, and curious if they could pull it off.  Not only did they pull it off, but in my humble opinion, they made a version that more than holds its own against the original.  For the handful of big name and seasoned actors that signed on, it was the breakthrough performance of relative newcomer Hailee Steinfeld that outshined all.  While The Ballad of Buster Scruggs was a fun revisit to the world of the western, True Grit was the kind of achievement that makes me want more traditional westerns from the duo.

11. The Man Who Wasn’t There (2001) Listing the Coen Brothers films is by far the most difficult ranking I’ve done to date, and the first film that really gave me trouble in terms of placement was The Man Who Wasn’t There.  Personally, I find this film to be captivating and nearly flawless... Billy Bob Thornton’s detachment is rich and intrusive, which makes it all the more sinister when he does choose to exude even a hint of passion about something, be it positive or negative.  The black and white photography, in league with the tone of the film, puts me in the mindset of films like In Cold Blood, and some of the sequences in the film stand out as some of the most iconic in the world of Coen Brothers films, especially the car crash.  For a classic-style film noir, a genre that anyone with half a brain knew was a slam dunk for the Coens, the duo went above and beyond to both modernize and wholly embody the style.  One of several Coen Brothers films that sits with you long after the final credits have faded away.

10. Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) If this isn’t the darkest comedy in the Coen collection, it’s certainly giving the number one contender a run for its money.  The intimacy of this film is unmatched within the broader collection of Coen characters, excluding The Dude, but the difference between Llewyn and The Dude is the personality equivalent of the difference between oil and water.  You may marvel at Llewyn’s talent, but all the while, the film is screaming at you that “THIS IS A CHARACTER YOU SHOULD NOT ROOT FOR”.  The symbolism found in the film is minimal while being incredibly effective in how it punctuates Llewyn’s personality and character, and the story structure is an equally subtle swerve that baits you into paying deeper attention, only to realize that the setup was the punchline the entire time.

9. The Hudsucker Proxy (1994) I’m a sucker for a Coen Brothers comedy, especially the ones that play like human cartoons, and one of their absolute best was The Hudsucker Proxy.  The writing on this film is so tight that it would absolutely pop if it were any tighter.  The entire A Christmas Carol-esque approach to the story makes it a wonderful moralistic tale that makes people laugh so much that they often don’t realize they are being taught a lesson about morals, integrity and self-respect.  Tons of familiar character actors fill the frames, everyone tasked with supporting roles fit firmly and comfortably into the created world, and the man trio of Tim Robbins, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Paul Newman are functioning on genius levels of performance... especially Jennifer Jason Leigh.  While not quite a holiday movie, there is enough of a holiday sense that it could be shoehorned into a seasonal viewing, but any time set aside for this gem is the right time to watch it.

8. Barton Fink (1991) In my humble opinion, this may be the strongest end to end performance from John Turturro in his long and storied career.  As clear-cut fans of film, it is always a pleasure to see the Coen Brothers explore the world of film, and by using this approach, they are able to tell a bold, brash and haunting tale about the issues that come with assumptions about character and talent.  The takes on Hollywood and the indifference of those in power, especially when it comes to assisting young and promising talents that may one day usurp them, and powerful.  The real bow on the story, however, is the larger than life presence of John Goodman, who goes from being a slightly aggressive and overbearing sense of support to a literal madman by both name and action.  For a film that mainly consists of individuals talking to one another about passion, talent and secrets, there is a kinetic energy that feeds the forward momentum of this movie, and for that, it stands out in the Coen collection.

7. Miller’s Crossing (1990) It’s not surprising that the Coen Brothers could make a compelling and memorable gangster film, but I don’t think that anyone expected a film as vicious and dark as Miller’s Crossing.  For a duo that generally relies on nuance and contemplation to get their points across, this film certainly proves that they are more than capable of excelling in the direct approach as well.  The era-specific costuming is outstanding, the murky city areas stand in stark contrast to the woods of the titular Miller’s Crossing, and the sheer volume of bullets are a stark reminder of the Prohibition-era story we are viewing.  Gabriel Byrne shines in his lead role, bringing a world of fury, deceit and mistrust in tow with him.  The iconic hat blowing in the wind serves as not only the biggest memorable moment from the film, but possibly also the single moment of peace and beauty found in a film that holds up a dirty mirror to a dark world.

6. A Serious Man (2009) Of all Coen Brothers films, this is easily the most underappreciated and slept on of the bunch.  I’m a sucker for movies that embrace Murphy’s Law, and when mixed with the parable nature of the Book of Job, we are presented with a darkly comic and relatively unique version of the hero’s journey.  The way that the personal, professional and philosophical problems pile up on Michael Stuhlbarg’s Larry are meant to be felt by the audience, and the way that his bad luck boomerangs out into the world during the film’s resolution must be seen in order to be believed.  The way that destiny and chance dance around one another in this film is narratively breathtaking, and for such a subtle film, it is a truly remarkable achievement.

5. No Country For Old Men (2007) When you think of the Coen Brothers, you don’t necessarily think of evil incarnate, and yet, the duo succeeded in capturing a character in the form of Anton Chigurh, the closest thing to the Terminator that the duo has ever created (to my knowledge).  The story is a wonderful, subtle tale of how the times can change into something we don’t recognize before we recognize the change, but it is easily Javier Bardem’s iconic performance that gives this film all of its power and ominous energy.  His unyielding forward momentum, his disdain for obstacles in any form, and his disregard for human life are enough to instill real fear into those who partake in viewings, and his presence will more than likely haunt you far beyond completion of the film.  A true modern-day masterpiece that would have been higher, if not for...

4. Blood Simple (1984) What a powerful debut, and one that not only hinted at, but outright put the spotlight on the promise of the Coen Brothers when it came to stark visuals and stunning storytelling.  For such a simple, small scale story, the tangled web that is woven is a slippery slope of deception and distrust that leaves little to no survivors in its wake.  The scale of the film is deceptively small, but the quality shines in every aspect that it can.  Seeds are placed that pay off wonderfully, and the color palette presented gives the film the feeling of a Technicolor film-noir.  Much like A Serious Man, Blood Simple deserves to be talked about and held up much more than it is by fans of film. 

3. Raising Arizona (1987) What a wonderfully ridiculous movie about something as simple as the trials and tribulations of navigating love, marriage and parenthood.  The most hilarious aspect of this film, in my opinion, is how it feels like a living and breathing cartoon, both in terms of the character performances and the outrageous events that take place within the world of the film.  Nicolas Cage is operating on a completely different level, Holly Hunter is equal parts charming and hilarious, Trey Wilson is wonderfully over the top, John Goodman and William Forsythe bring excess hilarity to the wild proceedings, and Randall “Tex” Cobb is downright iconic in terms of his ridiculous character.  The pacing of the film is breakneck and feverish, the comedy hits never stop coming, and the utter charm emanating from the midst of the caper presented is infectious.  As a second film, this could not be any more different than Blood Simple, and yet somehow, it connected so vividly with viewers that it remains a must-watch film to this day. 

2. Fargo (1996) What is there to be said about Fargo that has not already been said?  For a duo with more iconic films to their name than some directors have completed films, Fargo was an immediate signal that the limits of the Coen Brothers’ creativity and skill had not even began to show its full breadth.  Within less than five years of release, the film was already heralded as a classic (of all-time, not just modern day), the mystery surrounding its possibility of being based on a true story built a world of intrigue around the movie, and it has gone on to create a universe of its own in the form of an FX TV show that recently wrapped its fourth season.  There is not a wasted role in this film, and to this day, any movie fan worth their salt will happily bust out their version of a Minnesota accent that is almost certainly based on one of the many memorable characters that inhabit the world of Fargo.  Numerous actors, including William H. Macy, Frances McDormand and Steve Buscemi, all found breakout success in the wake of this wonderful film.

1. The Big Lebowski (1998) Was there ever any doubt for this placement?  For everything that Fargo did in terms of success within the world of the film industry, The Big Lebowski did that and more for the worlds of the counter-culture and cult film fans.  The story we are presented with is so simple, yet so ridiculous in its journey, that it almost insists on viewers revisiting it over and over.  Like many Coen Brothers films, nobody cast in the film is wasted or misused, and due to these stellar performances, the film finds itself as one of the most quotable in recent memory.  Much like the performances of the cast, the writing does not waste any words or opportunities, often referring back to itself in extremely subtle and nuanced ways that present themselves over time, and to hilarious effect.  Nobody would have expected a film of this nature to have a fandom, and yet, the legions of fans for this film are unique to that of the Coen Brothers catalog in the sense of their dedication, devotion to and love of the movie.  While not everyone’s cup of tea upon first viewing, The Big Lebowski is truly an example of the gift that keeps on giving.   

If the Coen Brothers never make another film, they’ve already created and achieved more in their journey that most filmmakers can dream of.  Many of their films could honestly be considered works of art, and nearly all of them are compelling with an ability to leave deep and lasting impressions.  If you are unfamiliar with the Coen Brothers, do yourself a favor and check out their work, as it may bring a new sense of invigoration to your love of film.

Editor’s Note (12/10/2020) : Inside Llewyn Davis added to the number 10 position, all films ranked lower adjusted accordingly.

Series Review Pt. 1/3

So, this isn’t even a YouTube video where you have the advantage of hearing a voice over a recording with snappy editing to lighten the mood or convey feeling; but believe me that there was a lot of earnest sincerity put into the review this time around.

But before I put the rest of it under the cut, there are some corrections/clarifications I want to put down about my last review that I believe we're significant shortcomings on my part. 

My first, and probably most MAJOR goof was my choice of words in trying to describe the scene with Hawks and Twice at the end of 263 - “ he clearly hasn’t killed Twice yet, and we don’t know why, but if he has to he’s prepared to do so without hesitation or remorse.”

BIG OOF. I hadn’t even been looking much at others’ opinions and the common-enough impression that Hawks doesn’t care about Twice at all/is incapable of empathy/ONLY concerned with his mission from the Commission. When I looked back at my own review, though I didn’t have any indication anyone believed I was one of those people (“without remorse” being the problematic phrase in question), I could easily see how others could get the impression and decided to wait until the next review to do a better job instead of just saying I would. My views on that particular scene will be clear later on, but at least that’s out of the way in case that was keeping people from reading this in the first place.

Second, I failed to arrange my observation points in a more ideal order. If anything, the fact that we were seeing that last page from Twice’s perspective should have been the first point. This mistake made it sound like a neutral assessment of the situation instead of an observation through the context of Jin's feelings. This ended up confusing even myself, as someone who usually writes these reviews solo, into forgetting to factor in that Twice's perspective may be warping the perception of Hawks guarding him into one of intent to kill while forgetting that the Hero Code forbids killing others unless it's truly a necessary last resort. For some reason, Sad Man's Parade and Twice's two-double limit also slipped my mind which brings me to the last point.

Third, I rushed things. When I rush, I make mistakes, sometimes pretty sloppy ones. It has been a ROUGH couple of weeks to be a Hawks or villain stan, even more so if you’re both, so for some reason I felt like I needed to get my thoughts out there quickly. I don’t have any kind of real incentive to do so other than a faster response - I don’t make any money off this, don’t have any relevance algorithm to feed as if I was on YouTube or Twitter, and I’m not the only half-decently known blog to hold these opinions so I don’t know what I was thinking. That’s my problem, but that doesn’t mean I have to make it anyone else’s.

For complete transparency, I’ve been reading and re-reading through the entire series canon again, starting with Hawks’ manga debut, and reviewing the entire series’ events and in-universe history, and have been taking literal whole pages of notes and drafts since Thursday the 12th. I’m glad I did because it brought to mind things that often get left out of pockets of fandom discussion who hyper-focus on their circles of interest while forgetting that each individual section is meant to work with the whole.

That’s what we’ll be working with today, and additional thanks goes to  @baezetsu and @dorito9708 for volunteering as proofreaders and editors to make this more focused and concise. If you’re interested please keep reading. A fair warning, this is what we in the professional field call a “long-ass post, no seriously guys grab a drink and a snack we’re gonna be here a while.” It's actually so long I have to split it up into parts because Tumblr Mobile is stupid and doesn't like making the "read more" function available to the mobile version.

So here we go, people, let’s try this again one last time…

Where we’re at in Chapter 264 (or at least, you know, ignoring literally everyone in the series that isn’t these two) is Twice and Hawks’ confrontation in the study room; but let’s put a pin in that for now and come back.

The biggest piece of information to keep in mind is that even though both these characters are currently front-and-center and have major plot and symbolic value in the series, they are still not the main characters. Their conflict is also not the central conflict. Let’s zoom out to the big picture and see what happens when we put everything together at the end.

The whole inciting incident of the series is when humanity began to display superhuman abilities in a few random individuals. These abilities are neither inherently good or bad - they are constantly intended as neutral with the potential being dependent on the user. Eventually these abilities began to be collectively termed as “quirks” - literally just a single facet of each person’s unique identity. From a social commentary standpoint, quirks have been used as a narrative stand-in for the unique situational circumstances or combinations of circumstances individuals may find themselves with that are either mostly or completely outside of their control like aptitude, physical ability, race/appearance, mental state, and inherited societal station. While more of these examples have been explicitly stated and inserted into the story later on, quirks still serve as the main catalyst and lens by which these topics are discussed.

Because of the initially new and unfamiliar nature of these abilities, people who possessed them faced descrimination and persecution despite having no say in whether or not they had them; and some who did possess these abilities began abusing their power. Taking advantage of this, a man calling himself One-for-All took unwanted quirks from people and redistributed them claiming to want to help others and bring about peace but merely wished to amass power and a following for his own gain. Morally upright individuals eventually rose to the occasion and placed themselves between innocent bystanders and evildoers, earning no official reward or compensation for their work, though eventually they became so effective that they became recognized and endorsed if they went through proper governmental training and channels. These endorsed specialty crime fighters came to be dubbed “heroes.”

All-For-One had risen to prominence by this point and his loyal following actively supported him in his now blatant criminal empire despite the morally reprehensible actions he committed which incessantly terrorized innocent bystanders - earning him the title Symbol of Evil or Symbol of Fear. Eventually a hero named All Might rose up to specifically deal with All-For-One’s reign of terror, having worked his way up from obscurity taking down criminals and saving civilians in unprecedented numbers, determined to create a world where everyone could feel safe in the face of danger. Though only succeeding in beating AFO into hiding All Might ushered in a new era of safety and prosperity earning him the title Symbol of Peace.

Therein lies the central message - “It’s not the situation you’re given that determines your worth or potential but what you choose to do with it” - and the main conflict is - “I want to use what I’ve been given for my own benefit" vs "I want to use what I’ve been given for others.” Deku and Shiguraki are merely the next generation iteration of this conflict distilled down to their simplest essence. Deku's desire is to save anyone who needs help the moment he realizes they need it. Shiguraki wants to remove people's sense of security regardless of their character or situation. 

This conflict is initially framed as simple - a clear black and white/good and bad dynamic that’s easy to see from a distance; but as characters and groups developed over time it’s become more and more difficult to tell the two sides apart. It was not a coincidence that immediately after introducing the clear-as-day bad guys to the series we were presented with the idea that who we perceived to be “good guys” could be bad people doing good things or that people could do good things for the wrong reasons when we were presented with the personal conflicts that Bakugo, Shinsou, and Todoroki all faced at the Sports Festival that were either their internal struggles with the way the were perceived by others or were their personal struggles with the way they perceived themselves. Immediately after that, we were introduced to Stain's criticism of modern heroes and shown who would come to be the core members of the League of Villains.

At the current events in the series we’ve waded through so many shades of grey we’re expected to determine who’s a “hero” and “villain” not by what they say but what they do, how they do it, and why they do it. The individual members of the League of Villains touch on various ways a person might be driven to a life dedicated either to the pursuit of personal satisfaction with no concern to others or to the active pursuit of destroying others, and generally the villains are some of the most morally gray characters we have in the series, though not all of them - the two most notable morally gray “good guys” are Hawks and Endeavor.

There’s one last thing to note about how the series chooses to distinguish morally gray characters as “good” and “bad,” and that ultimately boils down to the choices they make with the hand they are dealt - that being to help or to harm others. This is not quite the same thing as a “hero” and a “villian” (I know, as if it wasn’t confusing enough), but the series has now gone to great lengths to make a clear distinction between the ideals of heroism and the institution of heroism.

Looking at the difference in institutions and ideals as the series presents them we get a better picture of the actual core issues the series seeks to address. The institution of heroism is a utilitarian approach to maintaining a sense of order and safety, and it does so by incentivising people to resolve as many public altercations as possible in exchange for wealth and fame. Criminals are those who break the law regardless of the motivation for the crime or its degree of impact. The institution does not take into account factors that may drive someone to commit a crime nor is it concerned with the core motivations of those enforcing the sense of order.

On the opposite hand, the ideal of heroism offers no reward, no recognition, may require some amount of suffering on the part of the hero, and never guarantees that the victim in question will be saved. Conversely, villainy/evil is any action taken for one's own gain with zero regard to the impact on others and/or is any action committed with malicious intent. These definitions are about moral obligation and human to human connection.

While having a strong correlation (helping others because it's right usually helps the majority in the long run, and doing harm is often ultimately bad for the majority) these two schools of thought are able to function independently of each other. In other words, a criminal can be a good person fallen on hard times (like stealing food to feed their family, but only as much as they need from someone who won’t notice it missing) while a “professional hero” can be an evil person doing good things for the wrong reasons (like obsessing over gaining wealth and popularity with no mind to collateral damage they may cause). Most characters are categorized and even described in-universe as morally aligning with the institution they associate with; but several have been explicitly noted as exceptions to the rule such as Gentle Criminal and La Brava, Endeavor, and Twice. 

Are we properly confused yet? Great, because there’s one more layer to consider! What do we make of someone who is trying to do a good thing (like saving as many people as possible from a known threat) but to do so has to make a choice that might leave a few people in the fire? Which outcome do we use to decide if this is a good person or a bad one? Do we judge based on intent or on the outcome?

Now we zoom back in to Hawks and Twice, but we’ll pick that up in Part Two.

Part Three

The Investment of an Antagonist - Part One

Entry 04. [Trigger warning content: post contains discussion of Far Cry 5 details including cannibalism, graphic violence, brainwashing, torture, child abuse mention, neglect, mentioned fatalistic/suicidal character pov, dark backstories, etc. Spoilers naturally. Part 01 of 03.] [Link to part two here.] [Link to part three here.] I was cooking dinner and had the sudden EUREKA moment of trying to figure out what exactly I want with regards to an antagonist for an original fic setting. Originally I was going to have a general state of conflict between two nations/city-states/etc on a larger, more impersonal scale, but that didn’t do anything to really interest me in that level of conflict. So I was thinking on why Far Cry 5′s villains and the conflict interests me so, and the eureka moment was realizing that they as villains have a personal stake in all this, and go about it in ways that are reflective of their stories. Specifically for the Seeds, it has me realizing it’s more interesting to me when the villain is acting due to personal motivations of an emotional nature and/or relating to their belief system, and in ways that compliment those internal motivations that can build out into or off of their backstories and other areas of the tale.

Like, it’s more than just a universally formulaic method of brainwashing for all of the people they kidnap during the Reaping (and before it, since it’s a cult and that means there’s a process of indoctrination, ie brainwashing.) All of the Heralds have their specific manner of doing so, and said methods are tailored to the particulars of each Herald’s backstory as is revealed to us.

— Jacob —

Jacob starves the Deputy and other “recruits,” exposes them to the elements, doesn’t give them enough water, keeps them near hungry and dangerous animals (pre-Judge wolves and Judges it seems.) He then gives them a bowl of raw meat that one can read as implied to be human flesh, particularly if Pratt’s anecdote about going hunting in what ends up being not-a-dream from online sources is taken into consideration, as mentioned in a previous writing-about-writing post. Link here to the audio, (credit and thanks to hopecountyradio,) transcription below: “I had a dream once that Jacob took me on a hunt. We shot some deer and he asked me to skin 'em. As I was cuttin’ ‘em open they changed. It wasn’t deer. I...I don’t think it was a dream.”

Obviously one can make some assumptions of Whitetail Militia imagery being used here, particularly given that one of the slides on the projector screens during the Trials includes a picture of Eli with antlers iirc (that may be only during the later trials or the last one, I am uncertain.) Ties right into the whole “the weak must be culled,” and “you are meat,” slogans Jacob’s got all over the place. The “only you” slogans and graffiti could also serve to foster the loneliness and isolation aspect of making the choice “to make the sacrifice” ie, the symbolic choice of killing Miller, or his surrogate equivalent in the case of everyone else that Jacob puts through his trials. I haven’t seen a lot regarding Miller’s ties to Jacob from in-game content but I could have missed something easily. The wiki labels Miller as Jacob’s friend, though I wish we had more detail on that. Most certainly, Miller was a member of Jacob’s unit, which based off of some reading and browsing on the internet, should still be a pretty close tie whether or not they were friends. The following speculation is based on my own interpretations of the matter and I have no history of serving in the Armed Forces, so if I’m mistaken or such feel free to drop me a line to let me know. Continuing: even if they theoretically hated each other’s guts, they were still a part of the unit, a part of the Army. That means they and their other brothers-in-arms lived together and fought together. They ate as a group, slept as a group, watched each others’ backs while on watch or during a firefight, fought along side each other, and did their best to keep each other alive while fulfilling the mission objective, working together as individuals brought together in a cohesive unit that also was a part of the whole. They all knew they had each others’ backs and that the others did the same for them in turn. Shifting between life-or-death situations and more peaceful times, it creates a bond and social structure that is very unlike most common, modern civilian social structures. There certainly at least seems to be a bit of culture shock in the US between the two environs, and Jacob seems to have experienced that, based on what we hear of his backstory in The Book of Joseph of having little to no support once back in civilian life (ie: deeply traumatized and staying in veteran hospitals until he ran out of money and ended up in homeless shelters) after being discharged from the Army. In the Armed Forces it’s about the group, rather than the individual. Imagine having that, knowing that, after being through all that Jacob has potentially been through. To have brothers in arms if not by blood by his side who he protects, who also protect him against the hostility of the world they’re fighting against. This is not to ding Joseph or John as characters by the way, all three of them were children at that point and shouldn’t have had to deal with any of that. Jacob loses what ties of family he holds dear with his blood brothers once he’s put into Juvie, perhaps makes friends there but is likely on his own once he’s out again, with very poor prospects given his history, and then he enlists. He’s alone and without support before he joins the military, and then suddenly he’s in an environment where there IS a form of support, and it’s predictable and structured down to the last bootlace (note: that’s a very broad statement and does not include variance and personal experiences, nor possible issues with potential power abuse or other flaws that might arise in such group structures.) Imagine Jacob being in the Army long enough to get used to that, to enjoy that aspect of it all, to share the camaraderie of bitching about the heat of the sun, sand in their socks, and getting yet another package of their least favorite MRE while trying to wheedle a trade with someone else for something better. Imagine him doing that with Miller, knowing how the other man likes the sugar cookie desserts in one MRE package and hates how the chocolate bars melt from the desert heat in another. Knowing what each others’ tells and bluffs are from playing poker on their down time while on a tour. Swapping stories about home...and noticing who doesn’t want to talk about the life they had before enlisting. Talking about the things they miss, the people they miss. Knowing who snores, who’s a light sleeper, all those things you learn when you’re in close proximity to a person for perhaps up to two years or so depending on deployment length. It could also be they’ve been deployed together more than once, as Jacob certainly went out on multiple tours per The Book of Joseph once again. Imagine Jacob knowing all of that and more about Miller. Then, day after day after day of being lost in the desert, with starvation eating away at their rationality, that hollow pain in their guts as their bodies start burning through their own cells and reserves to try to stay alive, running out of water and having to take chances with any drinking source they can find in the environment and having to expend precious energy to try or die early from dehydration, probably not sleeping well from the hunger, exhaustion, stress, possible enemy presence, dangerous wildlife... The brain starts shutting down real quick once we don’t have the resources it needs to run optimally. Some faster than others, but in Jacob and Miller’s case, their ordeal is definitely long enough to put them into that mindset of feeling that primal fear of a slow death by famine, weakness, scarcity. The psychological toll would have been heavy without a doubt, and that might’ve been compounded by experiences in Jacob’s childhood if his parents were not dutiful in buying food more regularly, which easily could be the case. Old Mad Seed needs more whiskey this month to fuel his raging, drunken fits of spewing biblical verses in a tyrannical fashion? There goes the money for the last few days of food. Easily could be how Jacob got into stealing candy (and likely also food in that case) for himself and his brothers. So Jacob would have a good idea of some of what’s coming down the pipe in that case. He knows how long the trip is, can reckon how fast the two can travel. Maybe he starts out hopeful in a grim way to start... ...but over time as things get more and more desperate (and it could be a familiar desperation he’s felt before as a kid going hungry, only worse,) “And I looked at Miller and I could tell we were as good as dead. And I accepted that. And in that acceptance...came clarity.” That clarity could very well be that Jacob decided that morality was futile if it meant you didn’t survive, which could very well be a very world-breaking revelation for him, since he is mentioned in his backstory to have had a praiseworthy sense of honor among other things. Certainly is potentially spirit breaking to go from being the older brother, the brother-in-arms who relied on and was relied on, who was trusted, to being a betrayer of that trust. A Judas, one could say, as he calls Pratt in his video after Pratt has helped the Deputy escape. And what does Jacob make the Deputy become, in relation to Eli? Eli, the man the Deputy was rescued by, was aided by, has been working alongside this entire time. Eli, who trusts and relies on the Deputy. Eli, who it could be said betrayed Jacob’s friendship with him by choosing not to hand over the Whitetail Militia and join Eden’s Gate (from Jacob’s perspective, based on his final fight dialogue.) “Hey. Only you could have gotten this close. Only you could have earned his trust. It was always only ever you. Good work. You did it. You passed your test. You made your sacrifice. But now...you’re alone. And you’re weak. And we know what happens to the weak.” That might seem contradictory at first, since in theory making the sacrifice should make one “strong” by Jacob’s line of reasoning, one might think. But the Deputy is a “traitor” now—to the Whitetail Militia by brainwashing (temporarily as we the audience know, pending Jacob’s death,) and to Jacob by choice, if one takes the following lines from Jacob into consideration: “You’ve forgotten your purpose, Deputy. You were on the path of the Chosen but now you’ve strayed. Fear did this to you, but don’t worry, I can help with that. I can remove your fear and give you strength. It’s not too late. Come back to me. Remember your purpose.” ”Deputy, know that I still have hope for you, but if you continue to support Eli and his merry band of cowards, that hope will cease to exist. Your judgement is cloudy because your mind is weak, but I have confidence you’ll make the right choice in the end. If not—you’ll all pay in blood.” Link to the audio for the above two lines here (credit and appreciation to hopecountyradio once more.) As with the other Seeds, Jacob starts out trying to persuade the Deputy to “see the light” and join the Project, but as with all of them, as the resistance meter rises and we draw closer to the final confrontation with him, he and the others abandon that idea in favor of trying to end the Deputy instead. So in this possible interpretation, it could be that Jacob views both the Deputy and Eli as traitors both. However...the two situations while both likely quite weighty with the Deputy being “the chosen one” to kick off the Collapse (or a herald of the Collapse if one wants to be cute with wording,) and Eli being an ex-good-friend or perhaps even ex-best-friend of Jacob’s, are potentially vastly different in emotional weight to Jacob. The Deputy is all tied up with this Collapse business, and while Jacob isn’t sure if Joseph talks to God, he does support him, what with being a Herald in the cult and all that. It involves the fate of the family, and in particular, Jacob’s family—his brothers and sister. Eli, however, Jacob has known for a while, likely years, back during the construction of the bunkers which Eli helped with, possibly and likely before then. I personally lean towards interpreting that as they struck up the beginning of a friendship, and Jacob hired Eli and his crew to help with the construction of the cult’s bunkers. Where they had their falling out is less clear as far as I’m aware. It could be it was during or after construction that Eli got a bad feeling about all of this Eden’s Gate business, or perhaps even as late as the beginning of the Reaping if that’s when Jacob gave Eli the “chance” to hand over his Whitetail Militia members, as mentioned in his final boss battle red-bliss section. That could’ve been the breaking point for Jacob and Eli, and if Jacob was expecting Eli to side with him due to friendship and perhaps some shared beliefs...perhaps Jacob took that...poorly. And by poorly I mean went full out on revenge of having Eli killed by betrayal of someone he’d chosen to trust—someone that Jacob had already gotten his hooks into. Someone Eli needed, in this fight against Jacob. Someone like the Deputy. The Deputy, who’s been put through starvation, exposure, and ingrained through conditioning and likely a liberal use of Bliss to facilitate said conditioning, to hunt. To train. To kill. To sacrifice. “You take away a man’s basic needs, and he will revert to his primordial instinct in just ten days.” [Chuckles.] “Ah, that’s a difficult thing to understand unless you’ve lived it...” This is what Jacob is putting the “recruits” and the Deputy through—his revelation. His experience. His choice. In the end as Jacob succumbs to his injuries, he is weak, he is dying, and he knows it, looking at the Deputy in his final scene. This time, he is the one who is sacrificed, by the Deputy, and in Jacob’s eyes by Joseph, to either try to end the chaos spread across the county, or to break a seal respectively. Jacob’s death is a means to an end—as Miller’s was. And Jacob “accepts that,” as he puts it. Does he accept it because now he’s betrayed the trust and faith of potentially two people he might’ve been close to? Miller, and then Eli? Is Jacob conditioning the Deputy during that red-bliss sequence of his boss fight to kill Jacob, based on how there are bliss-hallucinations of Jacob to shoot while destroying the beacons? There’s the generic Whitetail fighter, Judges, and Jacob himself scattered across the landscape before ending that sequence as far as I’m aware. Both Jacob and the Whitetail fighter present could be interpreted in this line of thinking as echoing the supposed betrayal of both sides and being “alone” against the world in a nightmarish fashion while Jacob potentially tries to break the Deputy through talking and said nightmare. The way Jacob talks though...is he strictly speaking to us, or is the Deputy actually a mirror as it were, with the things Jacob says being applicable to himself? “Don’t you find it ironic that everyone you try to help ends up worse off? Eli...Pratt...Tragedy just follows you. If you really wanted to keep people safe, be a hero...you’d just off yourself. Safer for everyone that way.” Is Jacob REALLY talking to us, or to himself through a medium? Through a glass darkly, as it were. He “tried” to “help” Eli and Pratt, in his twisted fashion, by trying to get Eli previously to join the Project and to make Pratt strong enough via brainwashing to also join the Project, which in Jacob’s perspective if he’s following his and Joseph’s dogma, is the only way to survive the Collapse. But Jacob has failed, repeatedly, to protect the people he held dear—his family. His friends. He’s become the threat they need protecting from. He has irrevocably perhaps proven to himself that under the right circumstances? He’s willing to betray people he holds dear for his own survival. Would he betray his family? That is the question, isn’t it. Perhaps Jacob fears finding out. Maybe he fears, that under the right circumstances, he would. Maybe that’s why he goes so willingly to be Joseph’s sacrifice, in part. Maybe having orchestrated Eli’s death, the death of yet one more person whom he was once friends with, yet one more person Jacob himself has betrayed, maybe Jacob doesn’t want to continue either. Maybe that’s the last straw, the nail in the coffin of underlying beliefs that Jacob is inherently not someone who can be fully trusted. Maybe he genuinely thought Eli would join him if given the chance. Maybe Jacob was still hollow and brittle as hell from the first time he’d killed a friend, when he killed Miller. All the Seeds bear the weight of their pasts heavily, and Jacob’s no exception. Jacob survived the first time, barely. He survived the second time, but not by long. He starts talking about his potential death at the Deputy’s hands quite early on during the red-bliss segment. Neither John nor Faith nor Joseph to my knowledge do so. Maybe he was waiting for the Deputy to be strong enough to finish what no one else could. Maybe that was what he wanted. “There’s no “win” for you here. It all ends bloody. For everyone. You die now, or you die later. It’s up to you. But either way? You won’t die a hero.” Perhaps that line from Jacob also is one of the things he fears most—dying without purpose. Dying being not a hero, a person who’s done good for others, but rather the opposite. Ironically so, given that he and his family are all in the torture and brainwashing business, but Jacob in particular gave up on being a good person a long time ago, I think, even by the cult’s standards. [Link to part two here.] [Link to part three here.]

Oc drop

This isn’t an ask but I think just for a little bit to get myself out of this slump i’m going to be sharing with you guys my BNHA OC’s just a couple of them and open up to questions about them ( even rps is that’s what people would like to do anyway let’s get this started!) 

Shin Takahashi

Job: Teacher Assistant at U.A ( retired pro hero)

Age: Twenty-Six

Quirk: Butterfly Effect: He is able to start a chain of any desired event but cannot see or choose the path that it takes. With his quirk when he concentrated he can picture the event that he desires and coughs up a red butterfly that sets off the chain. He tries to keep the desires small because small chains are less risky. Large events have a higher risk of causing casualties in the chain.

Personality : 

Positive Traits:

Understanding: Takahashi seems to carry an air of understanding around him, making him seem like the perfect person for people to open up to. He has all but gotten used to it at this point. He has never judged another soul. 

Calm: Much like with understanding Takahashi is almost always calm, it can be concerning at times but he has a way of putting people at ease some would even say that it's his superpower at times. Friendly: There is never a moment that a small smile isn't found on his face, even when he's talking to Mineta or Bakugou is yelling at him. He treats everyone rather equally. Patient: If anyone needs to talk to him he will sit there till they feel comfortable doing so weather that is ten minutes or ten hours. Protective: He will do anything to make sure that his students don't get hurt, it's a very innate sense that he has always had and can never brush off. Neutral Traits: Dependability: It's not surprising that Takahashi is very dependable for the most part. Quiet: Neither good nor bad he is very quiet and can often be overlooked something he quiet enjoys Negative Traits: Closed off: While he is very friendly and can appear like an open person if someone tries to think about what they know about him, they will realize that they don't really know all that much about him. Secretive: This also in lines with Takahashi being closed off, he doesn't talk about himself, and if anyone were to ask he would quickly brush it off or skillfully change the subject. Hypocritical: He hates being lied to yet he will lie to someone without blinking an eye. He likes to keep to himself yet also wants everyone to trust him even if he gives them no real reason too.

Hiroshi Kimura

Job: Student at U.A ( also oc for my story Radio Silence )

Age: fifteen

Quirk:  Phobia   Hiroshi's quirk is almost a perfect mix of his mother's and father's quirk with his mother being able to tell people's fears and his father making illusions Hiroshi can look at a person and know their fear which is something he can never turn off, but he does have to make eye contact when finding out someone's fear. When activating his quirk he can create illusions of the person's phobia as the more he focuses the more realistic the illusion becomes from scents to how things feel. His quirk is much more powerful at night and when the person is already afraid. If he uses it for too long then he gets a splitting headache and vivid hallucinations of what he showed the person, he can use it on a max of three people at a time more if everyone has the same fear. His quirk is more powerful in the dark and in the sunlight it creates a dark cloud around the person he is using it on. His eyes also glow when he is using his quirk. Though with this quirk he also needs to make true eye contact so if someone is wearing glasses or contact lenses then he can't use his quirk because he can't tell what their biggest fear is.

Personality :

Positive Traits: Kindness: From a young age Hiroshi has always been kind to the people around him even when they weren't kind to him. He is slow to anger and quick to help though some may see it as a flaw it doesn't change the act that he always wants to help. Observant: Hiroshi has a way of noticing when someone is feeling bad or is in distress and often tries to help them when he can or tries to direct someone else to help them. Independent: This is more of a given since he was basically cut off from society at the age of five he tends not to rely on others because nobody wants to trust him though he still relies a little bit on his father. Humble: Hiroshi is someone who rather dislikes praise and even feels slightly uncomfortable when it is given to him since she feels like everything he does is just expected and doesn't understand why she is getting praise for it. Protective - Though he likes to stay at the sidelines if someone were to threaten his friend he would not be opposed to making them regret it. Though he would never use his quirk for this. Neutral Traits: Quiet: This is neither good nor bad for Hiroshi but due to his nervous nature he does tend to be rather quiet making it hard for people to get to know him. Push-Over: He tends to also be rather passive and more goes with the flow than anything else. Negative Traits: Detached: Though he tries to be caring to his friends while he is away he can sometimes be very detached from anything that is happening around him making him also oblivious to things he might normally notice. Dishonest: This is a trait that Hiroshi himself doesn't like but he doesn't trust people enough to stop it he tends to lie about having a quirk and sometimes about small things that might lead people to believe he has a quirk. Closed off- Hiroshi doesn't really like people getting super close to him and even when he joins class 1 A he will hold people out at arm's length.

Tadashi Fujimoto

Job: Detective

Age: Twenty-Eight

Quirk:  Object History When Tadashi touches any sort of object he can see it's entire history though it is from the perspective of the object he is holding it does not work on any object that has some form of sentience such as dogs, and humans. Though it will work on organic life such as plants. While he is in that state his eyes will change to a dull blue. He can only do a maximum of ten objects a day and needs to take breaks between each object.

Personality:

Positive Traits: Integrity - Tadashi has a very strong moral compass and always strives to do the right thing and is very hard to sway when he believes something is wrong. Even something as simple as taking a piece of money off the ground feels wrong to him. Courageousness - A lot of his coworkers will call him fearless because he often puts himself into a dangerous situation but he doesn't have many fears and is very calculated rarely recklessly throwing himself into a situation that he doesn't think he can get out of.   Selfless - Even though he will play off that he was very in any danger he does also put others' needs way above his own, from working a double shift so his co-worker can be there for his daughter's birthday to going inside a collapsing building when no heroes are around. Observant - Being a detective he sort of needs this trait so that he can pick up clues and anything that he might need to solve a case though it can get in the way as people find him to be too observant in certain situations Neutral Traits: Quiet - This isn't bad or good but he does tend to accidentally sneak up on his fellow coworkers. It's rumored that that is actually his quirk ( it's not ) Pure - This can be good and bad as people often tease him for not really understanding innuendos but he also does not pick up on flirting like at all. Negative Traits: Pessimistic- He doesn't really see the bright side in situations and while he isn't positive he will always do his best to get to the bottom of all the questions that tend to fog his brain. Stubborn - He is very hard-headed and wants to do things his way most of the time. It is very hard to make his budge in any situation. Which is often why people will say that he is hard to work with. Callous - He has a hard time putting things lightly and doesn't sugar coat situations even when they might need it ( the chief does not let him do press releases anymore )

Captive on the Carousel of Time

*This is going to be something like an essay of a random burst of thoughts I had concerning humanity's relationship with time, clocks, and watches*

Warning: this can feel very disorganized and choppy but what can I say? Mercury in 1st is actually quite scatterbrained and a flibbertigibbet (I love that word) and don't even get me started on the mind of an aquarius moon. Please don't be offended by this - I have nothing against Capricorns, businesspeople, or people who love watches.

So my parents bought me a watch for my birthday because being 22 now, and without a part-time job since I lost mine last year due to conflicting work and school schedules, they firmly believe that wearing a watch will improve employers' impression of me during interviews because apparently wearing a watch gives the impression that one manages time well and values time "like an adult".

They went to such lengths not only due to my age, but because I have an extreme baby face that can still pass off as a 13-14 year old. My study of astrology tells me that I, having mercury in 1st, is gifted with the blessing of eternal youth a.k.a. having a face that stays youthful.

Very honestly, though, I dislike watches. I mean I'll appreciate the design if it's pretty enough but I dislike wearing watches. It feels restraining, like it's constricting my movements even though it actually doesn't.

In terms of astrology, I actually have a pretty young chart in the sense that most of my planets are in the younger signs. I have sun/mercury in leo, venus in gemini, and saturn in aries. Aries, gemini and leo are the eternal children of the zodiac. In addition, having mercury in 1st as previously mentioned adds to the childlike feeling and I honestly enjoy being and consider myself young at heart. I also have moon in aquarius which is more goofy and silly than serious most of the time, and I have the baby mars in cancer. Overall, I find myself to be happy-go-lucky and I utterly despise social hierarchies and the rules of the adult world. Is anyone starting to see where I'm heading with the concept of time and adulthood?

I'll first explain the parts of my chart prior to my thoughts on time.

Beginning with gemini, according to my favourite astrology blog, astrolocherry, gemini is considered to be young mercury, mercury as a child while virgo is adult mercury. Gemini is also often associated with Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up, immune to the effects of time (i.e. aging), and is compared to a fairy, another symbol of eternal youth.

Saturn, who is Cronus in Greek, rules the sign Capricorn. Capricorn is associated with the stern father and businessman archetypes in astrology, and sometimes even the Devil. Cronus is the god of time in Greek mythology, and the father of time is often portrayed as an old man holding either a clock or an hourglass. Saturn falls in the sign of aries, the baby of the zodiac, and I think this is because saturn is about the hard lessons we learn so we grow up disciplined (capricorns are often stereotyped to be stern, stiff, disciplined businessmen) but aries, the baby, is like a newborn just trying to experience everything and learns more from experiences gained from immediate actions than rules.

I relate to Peter Pan and Alice from Alice in Wonderland because fuck growing up, honestly.

I remember when I was a child, I once read a book that described the relationship amongst humans, fairies, and time, and how humans came to age and lose their youths. The story described that humans used to play with fairies all day, while time was a small, insignificant thing that humans didn't play with, and humans had eternal youth. Then one day, humans began playing with time, and time grew larger, more significant, and humans soon began experiencing the effects of time, growing up and forgetting the fairies, eventually aging and losing the eternal youth they shared with fairies.

I used to think, no wonder according to Disney's take on Peter Pan and fairies, a fairy died every time a child stopped believing in fairies, a sign of growing up.

In Alice Through the Looking Glass, Alice considered time a thief at the beginning, stealing everything away she loved from her. Though her perspective changed at the end, I personally think that time can be a thief.

My mom used to listen to a song called "The Circle Game" by Joni Mitchell and there were a few lines from this song that really struck me since I was first heard it when I was a child. "We're captive on the carousel of time" and "We can't return we can only look behind from where we came". To me, that is exactly how humanity's relationship with time is like.

Clocks and watches, they are humanity's way to capture and manage time. An hourglass does similarly and I often think of how Jafar trapped Jasmine in an hourglass in Aladdin, how she would've died when all the sand fell to the bottom of the hourglass, how it'd have been time's up for her like how every human is given a designated time on earth in Alice Through the Looking Glass, and how these are perfect representations of how humans are held captive by time - we're captive on the carousel of time because even if we try, we can't get off this carousel nor can we stop it from moving like how we can't stop time from passing.

We try to capture, manage, and control time, to bend time to our will, but in doing so, we willingly enslave ourselves to time itself. You know those people who are always checking their watches, their schedules packed as though in doing so they made the best use of their time? My dad, a Virgo with North Node in Capricorn is like that and he always needs to eat at/by certain times, getting anxious, fussy, and moody when he doesn't. I feel sorry for these kinds of people because they are slaves to time.

Ever notice how we determine when to sleep by the time rather than whether we feel tired? How we wake up not when we feel rested but at a time we are told to wake up by alarms from our clocks (or cell phones) so we are "on time" for other activities that are also controlled by time? Businesspeople often say "time is money", and the best businesspeople are always on time, making the most money in the least amount of time, racing against others and against time, choosing the right time for every business decision. They believe they have perfect control over time, but really, they're the ones controlled by time. Do they even know the bliss of not having to live worrying about whether you have spent too much time on one thing and not having enough time for another? It's like the bliss of getting to sleep without setting an alarm, like staying up late talking to someone endlessly into the night till you see the sun rise.

The most successful businesspeople in society's eyes are rarely the most moral individuals. They're slaves to time, money, and the Devil, money being an offering from the Devil himself. So it's no wonder Capricorn, ruled by Saturn who is Cronus the god of time, is associated with the Devil. In fact, psychological research has found some evidence that some of the cruelest/coldest criminal offenders and some of the most successful businesspeople are similar/the same types of people, the difference is the way they choose to manage/manipulate people with their intelligence. Not to scare anyone, but really, both types are quite talented at understanding people and thus how to influence them, giving them the power to manage or manipulate people. No ability is inherently good or bad though - it's what you choose to do with it.

We believe we have a good grasp of time, but even our forms of capturing time aren't perfectly successful. Clocks and watches lose several seconds over time (no pun intended) and we need to readjust our watches and clocks every once and a while to be "on time" again. Thus I think, then why bother anyway? The best days are when you aren't due anywhere and your schedule is basically doing whatever you want whenever you want. Though we can never be immune from the effects of time, we don't need to further enslave ourselves to time. I feel like freeing ourselves from the restraints of time will allow us to truly live well. The best way to use our time is not to attempt to capture, control, or manage time, but to live and let time live without binding time to us or ourselves to time.

That is why I dislike watches. It is a measurement of time concealed and bound onto your wrist like a handcuff, which is why I said it feels like it restricts my movements. I don't like the feeling of being enslaved to time, to measure everything I do against time, to have to act in accordance to time. It may seem childish, but I much rather prefer to live without attempts to track time. I feel like that's the right way to live if we're going to lose it eventually anyway - why waste time checking how much time you have left?

~🍀

Congratulations, RICCI! You’ve been accepted for the role of MACBETH. Admin Rosey:  How is it possible that you had me laughing and crying in the same breath? You went from “... he’s a sad, kinda pathetic, almost self-sabotaging man who can’t enjoy the fruits of his own cruel ambition” to describing him as a Scottom (please read the app to figure out what that is). But you didn’t stop there, no, you added a whole layer to his backround that had me grinning from ear to ear. There is no other person I could possibly trust more to take up our beloved Mikael and do him justice. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character Alias | Ricci

Age | Nineteen

Preferred Pronouns | she/ her

Activity Level | I don’t think I can be active everyday — I’m a super slow writer and am busy with college, but don’t doubt my ability to dedicate myself to a good RP. I won’t be on often, but I promise to be consistent, and I strive for quality whenever I do have the time to write. Overall, I’d say 6-7 out of 10 depending on my workload!

Timezone | GMT+8

Current/Past RP Accounts | wariest.tumblr.com & disquieters.tumblr.com

In Character Character

♚ Macbeth

What drew you to this character?

♚ Stage actors HATE him. Whenever I write men, one of my favourite aspects of their character is their relationship with masculinity, and I think I have Macbeth to blame for that, or at least partially. I’ve loved his story ever since I read it at fourteen, — and the questions that come with Macbeth’s tragic development are some I carry with when I write male characters, namely: what happens to men when you tie their worth to their masculinity, and what happens when society has tied masculinity to cruelty, violence, and power? I see Mikael as someone that could have been good, because at his core he knows what is right, but because of his insecurities, and because and the environment he grew up in, he ignores his conscience in favor of attaining power. I love morally grey characters. Macbeth isn’t a mustache twirling villain that revels in his own crimes, he’s a sad, kinda pathetic, almost self-sabotaging man who can’t enjoy the fruits of his own cruel ambition. He’s someone who is very aware of his own atrociousness and feels bad about it, but despite his guilt, never once strives toward self-improvement, and while that doesn’t make him wholly redeemable, self-awareness without change is an ugliness that’s jarringly recognizable, an ugliness that I want to explore further. His actions are so monstrous, but his motivations are so incredibly human.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character?

♚ SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES:  I want Mikael’s development to follow Macbeth’s and take him from mildness and reluctance to full-on ruthless ambition. I think part of the reason why Mikael has remained a soldier is because he has yet to prove he’s capable of real cruelty — his businesses make a lot of profit, but making money hasn’t quite tested his loyalty and how far he’s actually willing to go for the Capulets ( or for his own ambition ), and thus his morals have yet to be challenged. But his capacity for monstrosity is as immense as his capacity for greatness, and with unchecked ambition, he might abandon his conscience and soon become a more threatening player in the games. If an unhinged Macbeth can slaughter a man’s entire family, so can Mikael.

I think for now he’ll want to finally start doing more for the mob because with Alvise’s death, tensions are rising and soldiers like Mikael are expendable. Paranoia will drive him to want protection, for which Mikael will do horrifying acts to attain, and with every triumph, he’ll learn care less about loyalty and more about his own power and individual potential.

Mikael absolutely despises himself, and ambition he sets out to achieve exists because he thinks accomplishing goals would make him hate himself less. Except as his actions stain his conscience, the opposite happens, and with the extreme amounts of self-loathing he’ll soon possess, his mental health will deteriorate, making him increasingly erratic and unstable.

♚ SOUND AND FURY, SIGNIFYING NOTHING: Macbeth is a paradox — his constant attempts at chasing fulfillment only serve to make him feel emptier. In the same way, Mikael exists in a default state of hunger, so unused to being satisfied that he always finds something else to chase after once he attains what he originally wanted. Nothing he does can assuage the feeling of emptiness. After committing more and more atrocities he may come to the realization that he’s the problem — that perhaps nothing will ever make him happy. Once he gets everything he wants, I think he’ll resign to nihilism and come to terms with the meaninglessness of existence.

♚ THE INNOCENT FLOWER:  I want to see someone act as a sort of morality pet. Whether actively or by just being themselves, this character will remind Mikael of the existing good in him, and he will want to change for them. Of course, change, for Mikael, will be short-lived, because in the cutthroat world of mobster Verona, people might place less value on morality, and ultimately Mikael will keep choosing uglier paths to further his own ambitions. ♚ THE SERPENT UNDER’T: In the original text, Macbeth’s nihilistic outlook is finally revealed after Lady Macbeth dies, so perhaps, in this universe, Mikael truly sees no meaning in anything— except his wife. Though he won’t admit it, and maybe he doesn’t realize it, but he’s wholly dependent on her “love” to feel like life has value. Lucrezia is another one of Mikael’s attempts at chasing fulfillment; he thinks he’ll stop hating himself if he can get someone so unattainable to love him, which it why it maddens him that she doesn’t. He wants her with all the desperation of Arctic Monkeys song, but none of the dignity. He pours all of his devotion to her in hopes that he might get something in return, and though part of him understands that all his efforts are pathetic and fruitless, his desire for Lucrezia’s love and approval transcends all reason. Mikael constantly shaping himself into a man Lucrezia might like, or the man Lucrezia wants him to be.

At the same time, wanting Lucrezia is a testament to Mikael’s own masochism. Mikael is never satisfied, so in a twisted way, having someone who never gives in to what he wants is perfect for him, and it’s possibly why they’ve lasted so long. It’s apparent that he’s not enough for her, but he’ll never stop trying to be.

Their relationship is just so unhealthy and damaging on his end, and it’s mostly Mikael’s own  fault for putting her on a pedestal and placing so many expectations on her that he at least partially knows she’ll never fulfill. All I really want to explore is what lengths he’s willing to go to get her to stay, especially now that there’s a deeper wedge and newfound tensions between them with Lucrezia having been promoted to emissary. There are so many directions for their dysfunctional marriage to go and I’m willing to explore all the possibilities. He’s already ruined, but keep ruining him!

♚ MY BLACK AND DEEP DESIRES: The old-fashioned monogamist fool he is, Mikael has never considered cheating on his wife. Except things have changed now, and for as much as he denies it, his marriage is failing. He’s empty, and when he comes to terms with the fact that his wife may never really love him, he’ll find some other way to assuage his deep loneliness, stray to the path of infidelity and disrupt the dynamic the Falcos have, for years, maintained.

♚ THE WAY TO DUSTY DEATH ( trigger warnings: drug abuse ): Mikael’s fall is inevitable. It’s less question of if and more a question of how. Being as overworked as he is, and as desperate for fulfillment, and with his future actions potentially damaging his pysche,  Mikael is extremely susceptible to drug addiction. At the moment, he still carries much self-control, but in the future with his increasing nihilism and self-hatred he might just crumble — more so if someone finds that weakness and exploits it.

♚ BE BLOODY, BOLD, AND RESOLUTE: Being the absolute masochist he is, as a teenager and young adult, Mikael would frequent Measure for Measure for a taste of thrill and triumph. He frequents it less now that he’s older and married and working full time, but part of him still craves being in the ring. With all that stress and anger, who can blame him?

Are you comfortable with killing off your character?

♚ None of woman born shall harm Macbeth. ( Just kidding, yes, but it would be preferable to have someone born of C-section kill him just because it would be so FUNNY. )

In Depth

( trigger warnings: violence )

What is your favorite place in Verona?

Mikael knit his brows together. “What the hell is this for? Buzzfeed” Dark rings hung around tired eyes, which locked their gaze onto the journalist, betraying both exhaustion and annoyance. “When you told me this was for an article, I didn’t realize you were writing Top Ten Travel Destinations For the Overworked Italian,” he snapped, voice high and honeyed with derision. “Okay, edit that out. Try to make sure I don’t sound like a goddamn elementary student. I know I’m not Winston Churchill, but I can pay you good money to make me sound like I am. You’re a writer, you can do that, right?” A sigh escaped him. Mikael rested his elbows on the surface of his desk and hung his head low, thumbs massaging his temples. “I need coffee.”

What does your typical day look like?

“I get up,” he said, ripping open a sachet of Nescafe. “I jack myself stupid.” A surge of self-hatred shot through him as he poured hot water into the lid of his thermos. No sensible Italian would continue to respect Mikael if they discovered his liking to instant coffee, but single-handedly running a corporation left Mikael very little time for himself, much less time to brew himself his own cappuccino. Thus, begrudgingly, he took the sachet and dumped its content straight into the cup, but not before catching his own slip of tongue.

Mikael ran his hands through his hair, frustration simmering within. He sighed to himself. “Sorry, that was just the first thing that came into my head. I don’t know how to be alive before ten in the morning.” Dark eyes fell to the paperwork before him, and Mikael sighed, already resentful at the amount of work that needed to be done. Mikael set the thermos lid aside, barely noticing how it lay almost perilously close to the edge of his desk. “I go to the office, make some calls, keep track of the progress of my transactions, check Cawdor Industries’ stock market value, read some articles about bitcoin to try and understand what the in God’s name a blockchain is, make some more transactions, go home, jack myself stupid because satisfying primal human instincts is the only shriveled flower of joy remaining in life  — don’t put that in the article — and then I tell my wife I love her, and wait for her to not say it back.” For a second, his eyes gleamed with a silent sort of wistfulness, but as he locked his gaze onto the journalist’s, their usual deadness returned. “It’s our thing.”

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

“Allowing myself to get ejected from the womb,” he deadpanned. “Everything’s gone a little downhill from there.”

Mistakes? Every day was a constant cycle of second-guessing and self-doubt. He’d couldn’t make a single decision without hindsight telling him he could have chosen a better path. Vacant eyes glanced over to the side of his desk, where Lucrezia’s photo sat, and Mikael’s heart rose to his throat. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful. I got to go to college. I made a name for myself. The business is booming, and I’m married. I have a wife, yes, she’s a real person, and yes, maybe it’s hard to believe but a human female woman took a look at me and agreed to live with my pathetic ass, and according to the law and what she said at the altar, she’s supposed to be in love with me. Sort of. So that’s going great. I’m grateful. I just don’t think I’m…” Happy.

Misfortune gripped the moment within a split second — as Mikael leaned over to reach for the photograph, his elbow struck the metal thermos and knocked it over, scalding water spilling from its mouth.  “SON OF A BITCH — ” Mikael rose from his seat, sending the swivel chair sliding outward, and as fury overtook him, his leg swung forward to kick the side of his desk, but as his foot collided with wood, the thermos lid toppled from the surface and spilt Mikael’s instant coffee onto his velvet office chair.

Almost all at once, his feature cycled through every existing expression, every existing emotion. Grief. Frustration. Resignation. Mikael palmed his forehead. “I’ll send you an email when my shit brain finds a better answer.”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

It was possible to believe that Mikael was as honest as he was crass. But his apparent tactlessness drew one’s attention away from much realer vulgarities: the truths Mikael kept within. Kneeling before his office chair, he took a wet rag and scrubbed at the stubborn coffee stain. Not meeting the journalist’s gaze, he mumbled, “Hell if I know.”

Everything was difficult. If anything worthwhile came easy, nothing would feel rewarding. The Falcos had clawed their way into the top, not resting for even a single second. And Cawdor Industries was born of their strife and struggle, but Mikael didn’t feel right merely inheriting it. No path felt valid if it hadn’t come with hardship; he moved mountains to turn the business what it was today. His parents gave him a kingdom. Mikael built an empire.

Except it had been thirty years and Mikael had yet to know what rewarding should have felt like. Every accomplishment only lent him a fleeting sense of triumph, and the satisfaction was quick to dissipate. What remained, instead, was poison. Cawdor Industries didn’t just design weapons — it sold them, less often legitimately than not, and most of the time, Mikael had turned a blind eye on all the casualties his business caused. Until he couldn’t.

Once, he could not recall how long ago, an anonymous sender delivered a video into Mikael’s inbox. It was apparent at first sight that it came from a protester, one that didn’t agree with Mikael’s line of work. At times, Mikael wished he had stopped himself from going further once that realization had been made, but curiosity was a hunger that begged to be sated.

“The most difficult task?” Mikael laughed, low and derisive. The video remained in his mind — the broken bodies of his weapons’ victims, lives destroyed for the business Mikael had worked to hard to build. He flung the rag, and it slammed hard against his desk. “Getting rid of this stain.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues? Mikael was a soldier. Just a soldier. That meant even for all the profit he produced the Capulet family, he was not entitled to their protection, nor could he rely on it. If Mikael had a choice, he would leave them be.

But there were stronger forces at bay. Was it unreasonable to question an outsider’s motives when Mikael himself was being interrogated and probed? If it were, it hardly mattered. Distrust was his birthright. The Falcos found wealth, but they never lost the beggars’ nature. What they passed down to their son was more than riches; Mikael inherited his mother’s relentless hunger, and his father’s habit of sleeping with one eye open.

Mikael leaned forward, dark gaze locking into the journalist’s, eyes leering with quiet hostility. “That’s none of your business,” he said, low and furious. “Get out of my fucking office.”

In character para sample:

Lights illuminated the waters, the gold of the street gleaming bright against the black of the river Danube. Perhaps, once, Mikael would have said Budapest at night was the captivating sight he’d ever witnessed, but that was before he met Lucrezia. Mikael hardly believed in magic, but in this moment, he thought it perhaps it existed, and it was this moment, an undeserving man standing by a river under the stars, blessed enough to witness the best of God’s creations. It was a type of awe that nearly brought him down on his knees. He knelt, one hand scrounging his pocket for the ultimate sign of his devotion, the promise of surrender. “Lucrezia.” The softness with which he spoke her name betrayed how unworthy he felt of it, like he doubted it could ever belong to him. “I’m not good with words. I’m not good with a lot of things, and sometimes that makes me scared to try anything new.” His heart skittered against his ribs. You’re rambling. Stop wasting her time.  “And I don’t know if I’ll be good at this, at,” the words his lips wished to form felt so foreign to his tongue. “At loving you.” Mikael took Lucrezia’s hand and pressed it gently between a palm and closed fist. Every selfish ache surged through his body. Guilt followed, for the hunger of his heart could barely be restrained, and nothing of him was worthy of this, nothing of him deserved the light Lucrezia radiated. “But for the first time, I don’t think I’m scared to try. I want —” Mikael paused. What did it matter what he wanted? What right did he have to ask anything of her? “I want to be good to you. Please,” Mikael’s voice remained soft, slow, but all deep longing and desperation was evident in the way his words cracked through his throat. He unfolded his palm, and the ring resting on it caught the light of the moon. “Let me be good to you.”

Eyes fluttered open. His phone buzzed against the bedside table, and the jarring sound of its vibrations sent a wave of annoyance surging through Mikael’s skin. As the real world reformed around him, the dream-memory shattered, leaving a bittersweet taste in its wake.

Nothing much had changed. Same life, same woman, same relentless emptiness. Legs slid off the bed, and Mikael sat upright, palms on either side of him. With one slow, lethargic motion, his hand reached for the buzzing phone on his bedside table, the faint glow of its screen bright against his tired, barely woken eyes. His face contorted into a scowl upon reading his alarm label: WAKE UP YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT. Mikael groaned. He shut it off, slammed the thing lightly against the table, but as he turned away, his eyes caught sight of his wife’s sleeping figure. He looked at her, and his anger quieted.

The sheets had shifted when he woke himself, so Mikael pulled them over her body, willfully gentle as not to wake her. “I love you,” he said under his breath, and a certain sort of sadness consumed him. His heart rose to his throat. It ached with a stupid, childish fantasy: that if he said and breathed and lived those three words enough, he would one day deserve to hear them returned.  

Mikael did not blame Lucrezia for not wanting him. How could she? When he looked at the mirror, there was no part of himself that he did not despise. Men like him and the monster blood they carried — they were hard to love, hardly worthy of love. This was the routine he deserved: to every day pray that their hearts’ hunger be sated, to every day have their prayers met with suffocating silence.

If emotions governed people, what a tyrant love must have been.

Extras:

♚ Mock Blog: regicidios.tumblr.com

♚ Cawdor Industries is a mix of several businesses, namely transportation, construction, and weapons manufacturing, which are all a legitimate front for Mikael’s Dirty Mobster businesses: smuggling, money laundering, and arms trafficking. Like the capitalist pigs they are, they’re primarily concerned with making money and use their close connections with the Capulets for networking and intimidation purposes.

♚ I read a lot on Riz Ahmed before writing this app, and out of love for him I just want to respect his background as a second-generation immigrant and write Mikael as a second generation immigrant as well. Falco isn’t a Pakistani surname, so I headcanon that his parents had their blatantly Muslim Pakistani surname changed in order to be recognized with more legitimacy in the Italian business ( and mobster ) world. Isn’t their background a little like the immigrant narrative anyway? People who came from nothing build themselves a better future with nothing but unbridled ambition and determination to forge a better life for their children. And of course, they’re typical Parents Of Colour, who constantly remind their child of how much they’d sacrificed as a way of saying: you owe us. That, and the generational gap between them, with Mikael no longer being familiar with Pakistani customs and traditions as a result of growing up in Diverse-But-Decidedly-Not-South-Asian Verona, drive a wedge between Mikael and his parents, and them not fully connecting is one of the many contributing factors to Mikael’s decision to send them away.

♚ This is me rambling but maybe a crass, clinically-depressed, overworked, caffeine-addicted hopeless ‘romantic’ nihilist-in-the-making is a little far off from how you originally envisioned Mikael but I’m going to stand by my portrayal because I firmly believe that the Thane of Cawdor Who Shall be King Hereafter is whatever the hell the polar opposite of Big Dick Energy is and m a n  he’s literature’s finest and funniest example of just how AWFUL toxic masculinity can get… I mean there’s an actual scene where Lady M tells her MacBitch he sucks at sex and then Macbeth proceeds to go on a murder-regicide rampage for four whole acts to redeem his manhood,  do you think someone that insecure will ever have the cool, self-assured swagger of ( the disgustingand horrible ) Michael Fassbender of Macbeth 2015 dir Justin Kurzel? No! Riz Ahmed is the love of my life but all his resources have him look like he’s either paranoid or dead inside or both, which is perfect, because that’s just quintessential Macbeth, everyone’s favourite Scottom ( Scottish Bottom ).

♚ That all aside, he’s an irredeemable bastard and I love him, please take us both.

In Love Or Something

Paring: Sherlock Holmes/Reader

Tags: female reader, writer’s block, writer, angst, roommates, Sherlock being Sherlock, idiots in love, fluff.

Summary: A young writer living with Sherlock is the new John 2.0 when there's a spare room available in 221B. This also means she's the one who puts up with Sherlock, and gets in close to life as he knows it.

Word Count: 2,992

Current Date: 2017-12-14

There was an idea that writers could just pick up a pen, and whenever they wished, the words would come forth. That idea was, sadly, just an idea, and ever the mundane human you were, there was nothing that could make it get any better. Tea did nothing. Meditation, well, that was out of the question. You stayed in the room above the flat of the Sherlock Holmes, asshole supreme, and, notorious noisy man. Whenever your fingers would poise to write the fictional story you were destined to (or taught to, after five years spent at a very expensive university where you studied novels and deconstructed them to buggery), the tall man would shoot the wall, would call your name, would bang the door on his way out to solve a crime.

You see, the was your plight. Middleclass, female. Owner of a diploma in the arts, or really, a fancy paper that failed to get you into a publishing house two years ago when you graduated with honours. Your uncle, a policeman at the Scotland Yard knew you were soon to be penniless and had no problems shaking up anywhere until you found a job, and pulled strings to allow you to stay in the spare room in 221B Baker street, prime real estate in London. Well, that was a month ago. You now worked as Sherlock Holmes’ new Watson, since the other man could not run around to corpses and crime scenes after becoming the primary caregiver of his daughter.

But your story…!

“_________, I need you to look at something,” Sherlock called your name, that baritone tenor getting to your nerves like tears when gas comes.

You barely grit your teeth, and pushing the computer from your lap, you march down the stairs to see what’s wrong in the land of Holmes. Sherlock stands in the middle of the lounge room, holding his head like it’s a football, or perhaps, on fire. He’s wearing pyjamas, yet, it’s after ten o’clock on a Tuesday and he’s usually elbows-deep in a bag of thumbs from Molly Hooper or finding someone’s amnesiac step-grandmother.

“Yeah?” You ask, hands upon hips akimbo. “Don’t tell me you need an idiot’s perspective on something.”

He releases his hands from his head, giving you a small smile. “You’re not an idiot…” He goes to protest.

You raise a brow at his claim. “Just last week you yelled it at me before I went to bed. And threw a slipper at me.” You say bluntly, staring him directly in the eyes. “So, what is it? I’m not telling you where your cigarettes are.”

His eyes look bleary, come to see it, and there’s a slight stumble in his step when he moves back to sit in his favourite chair. He’s not using, you’re on him like a hound about that, and there’s no way he’s drunk, he absolutely loathes day-drinking when the days of the week don’t begin with an S. You’re not an idiot, he’s right, but even an idiot could see that Sherlock Holmes, detective extraordinaire, was –

“You’re sick.” You say.

He goes to protest, “No, I’m not,” he exclaims, wincing at his own tone. “I – I didn’t call you down here to mother me, I need a hand on – on –,” he repeats the word once more, and then, sneezes into his pyjama sleeve. “How am I sick?”

You shake your head, moving toward the kitchen. It’s a mess, as always, but some of it is your mess, so you do not complain. You flick the kettle on, and tidying up the dirty dishes into some semblance of a pile, you ruminate on how Sherlock got sick. “It could be because of that time you went out and didn’t bring an umbrella, you know, the night when all the taxis were on strike,” you call out, pulling down two mugs and tea bags. “…or that night when you didn’t bring your coat and we went into the sewer to follow a lead on foot,” you gag at the memory, remembering how cold it was underground, and how lucky you were for wearing one of Uncle Greg’s knitted jumpers. “Or –,”

There’s another sneeze, and a splutter, “Okay, I get it. I’m the idiot.”

You bring the tea to the lounge, and handing Sherlock his cup (a mug with a picture of a panda on the centre), you take yours to the window, far away from the germs he’s giving off. “I wish I recorded that, it would be so nice to hear you say that phrase over and over,” you laugh to yourself, blowing the steam from your chipped blue and white mug. “But I wasn’t called down here to fuss about and make tea out of goodwill. I am an author.”

“You will be if you ever write something,” he says into his mug.

You decide right then to ignore what the asshole of the year has muttered, and take a deep chug of your tea. If your mouth was full, you couldn’t spar with him with insults and mockery.

“So?” you prompt, with an air of irritation to your tone. “Do I have to sniff a cadaver, or look at a case file…?”

Sherlock is silent, cradling his tea in his lap. If he wasn’t six-foot-tall, and owned a handgun, you could have no problem picturing him as a small, sick boy, nose red and eyes bleary and breathing congested. “It’s…it’s nothing.” He finally says. “Forget about it.”

You place your half-drunk mug on the windowsill, and take your leave.

When you come down six hours later, it’s almost afternoon tea time, and having written fifteen words shy of a thousand into your word processor, you decide it’s time to stretch your aching back, work out the kinks that found their way into your smooshed buttocks, and get more tea. You hardly look around, but when you see the milk’s all gone, and there’s no orange juice, and none in the cupboard either, you grab your wallet, and prepare to take leave to the Tesco’s around the corner.

But before you call out to say where you’re going, you see him. Face pressed into his shoulder, sitting upright in his sofa seat. Legs out like they were full-length broomsticks, and not appendages, a hand dangling over the side of the armchair in a way that could never be comfortable. You’re not a heartless woman, just a killjoy realist, and instead of just turning and going to get milk and juice, you go to Sherlock’s room. The one he said never to go into, even if the world was ending.

Selecting a spare blanket, you drape it over your roommate’s sick body, and retreat to the outside world to complete the chores.

---

You’re over a thousand words on your story now, and having told Sherlock you’re taking the day off, it’s now a week after he got sick, and now better, he’s back to being an asshole about everything and anything. Thus, while he goes around solving policemen’s unsolvable puzzles, you’ve got your head down in a silent zone block, typing away madly before the inspiration leaves you. It’s been a hard week, and hardly getting to type around the lifestyle as Sherlock’s new blogger, you’re down about your progress. Thank goodness it isn’t November, because otherwise you’d doubly punish yourself, and try and do the writing challenge where people write 50,000 words in a month.

There’s someone sitting beside you in the next cubicle, impeccably dressed. You peer over at him, and narrow your eyes. You’ve met Mycroft Holmes before, and like you don’t like Sherlock at the best of times, you most certainly don’t like the eldest Holmes brother at the worst. He’s nothing but a pencil-pushing moral compass, and you’re nothing but a keyboard-tapping writer with a slight anger problem.

You deserved a holiday. Perhaps Berlin was nice this time of year? Somewhere the lifestyle of the Holmes wouldn’t follow you.

In Morse Code, he clicks a pen against his leg.

S-H-E-R-L-O-C-K.

You roll your eyes. You wonder if there was a possibility that one day, you could roll your eyes so hard, they’d roll backwards into your head. Or out, and roll away to their heart’s content onto the sidewalk. You look through your laptop bag, and finding your loyalty card for an ice creamery, you tap against the desk.

P-I-S-S—O-F-F—M-Y-C-R-O-F-T.

He chuckles dryly, and goes on.

N-E-E-D-S—A-N—EYE—ON—H-I-M.

You reply, T-A-L-K—O-U-T-S-I-D-E.

Taking your time, you tuck your laptop into its bag, with now a thousand words, and four hundred and thirty on top of that. You fold the cord into itself, and slip your phone into your pocket. You do this all while knowing that the elder brother of your roommate is watching, and while your time is not worth money, his is, and wasting it is as sweet as the petty squabbles you win against Sherlock.

But once you’re outside the library, and you’ve bought yourself a coffee with extra sugar and cream, you take a seat under a monument, and listen to what bargain that Mycroft has intended to strike.

“So, Sherlock needs an eye on him?” you say, inhaling your coffee. “What else is new? Is the show Doctor Who British government propaganda to hide the fact that there is alien life?” He doesn’t say anything to that. “Ooh, no news is good news, I’ll tell all my friends that gossip…”

Mycroft sighs. “He’s volatile still. Getting over the whole ordeal of losing his close friend, finding his sister…ah, there’s so much trauma in his life you just have to close your eyes and point, and there’ll be one there to choose from.” He eyes your coffee, seemingly jealous of your sweet dose of caffeine. “And don’t tell your friends that that show is real, you’ll just sound crazy.”

You laugh to yourself. “I’m a twenty-seven-year-old woman, sitting on a bench on her day off, and yet, still talking to a Holmes. I am a writer. I am a lackey to whatever Sherlock gets up to! I talk to myself when I’m writing to get an idea of what the words will sound like when read! Crazy? Oh, man, you don’t know crazy until you’re where I am.”

Mycroft doesn’t contest on that. Instead, he hands you a note. It’s handwritten, in a curly font that makes you think it’s from a woman. The paper is nice, a soft yellow cardstock, bought probably at a newsagency. You’re no idiot, yes, but you’re smart enough to deduce that this note is from his mother, and not a woman he works with. Or maybe, just by reading the first few words gave it away.

Sherlock, I gave birth to you, raised you and taught you all that you know! It says. You can almost picture his mother scowling writing this, Don’t forget to call your father for his birthday –

You close the notepaper in on itself. “So, am I a carrier pigeon now?”

He considers it, but instead says, “I don’t trust the postal service –,”

You make a noise, “Her majesties own postal service? I should go to Buckingham and tell her myself that the Mycroft Holmes, backbone of the United Kingdom doesn’t trust –,”

He rolls his eyes. “to get there in time. Father’s birthday is in three days.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll keep an eye on your brother,” You chuckle to yourself, eyeing him. “But not for money, and not for your sick obsession of watching people constantly on CCTV to satisfy your strange ways.” You stand, and chugging the rest of your coffee, place the empty cup into Mycroft’s hands. “Until next time, Microsoft Holmes.”

---

You would be at forty words off the next thousand on your creative piece, but instead, you’re standing beside Sherlock with your notepad and recording device at the ready, and looking at a very deceased man.

“Sixty, male, ambidextrous, straight. Woodworker, low education, raised in the country. Lived, still, in the countryside.” He states, examining the corpse that looks like it was either ready to get from the slab and dance in a Michael Jackson music video, or go straight into the furnace to become ashes. “See the dirt under his nails? Callouses on fingers, splinters.”

You nod, doing your best to make sure you weren’t being disrespectful to the deceased man, but also, not show how much the seven-day-old corpse who had once been named Alvin Ludwig was making you feel about the curry you had for lunch (and how much it wanted to make a reappearance).

Your Uncle stood by the door of the morgue, beside the man who had been doing the post-mortem. It was Molly’s day off; she and her friend Harry had decided to take a trip to Bath. But Uncle Greg watched the both of you, perhaps a little too closely.

“So, what’s the verdict?” He asked Sherlock.

He placed his magnifying glass away in his pocket. “He’s a victim of that perp of yours.” He states. “If you see here, by his ear, there are two holes that seem unnoticeable, but appear to be deep enough to pierce the skull.”

The other man at the door’s eyes are wide, and comes the corpse to see it. “Cause of death?”

Sherlock shakes his head of curls, “If you checked the mouth, though, you’d notice a lack of hydration –,”

“This means that Mr. Ludwig had been attacked by the killer,” you say, “but instead of the standard death the others had, he survived it. Starved to death.”

Sherlock smiles to you. “Exactly.”

Later, you’re not in a morgue, but outside it, and Sherlock is off speaking to a detective heatedly about his observational skills. You barely get to get a word in edgeways, and waiting it out, see your uncle alone, pocketing his phone from whoever he was calling at the Yard with the new evidence.

“_________, you look well,” he grins, bringing you in for a hug. “I haven’t seen you in months! How’s everyone going at home?” You talk about your family, and he rants about how your mother would always be on the lookout for trouble. You don’t believe it, but laugh away. He’s her twin, anyway, he’d know her better than anyone. “So, I see you and Sherlock are getting along fine. You’ve even taken up John Watson’s blog, yeah?”

You blush at that. “I’m not replacing him, or anything,” you say, “He’s busy being a father, and I’m busy running around after this one.” You glance to Sherlock, who’s now teaching the Dewy-decimal system or something to another detective. “He is a handful and a half!”

Uncle Greg raises his eyebrows so far up, you wonder if they’ll disappear into his receding hairline. “Understatement of the year, _________, I’m telling you,” he laughs, “no, I thought, you’d get right on like a house on fire, I knew you’d be good together.”

You pause at that. “We’re not…just because we live together and work together and I complain a lot about him and a lot about his brother together doesn’t mean I like him.” You say, crossing your arms. “We’re just…Uncle Greg, honestly? Was this a matchmake from the beginning?”

He shakes his head, holding his hands out. “No, no! I just – I know Mrs. Hudson, and I knew there was a spare room –,”

Sherlock approaches, collar flicked up, cheekbones looking like they were made of cut glass, “What’s going on?”

You punch your uncle’s arm lightly, and tug on Sherlock’s sleeve. “Nothing, we’re leaving. I don’t want to pay for takeout when there’s perfectly good leftovers in the fridge.”

---

Once back at 221B Baker street, you’re thinking of the two thousand six hundred words you could be writing, rather than forcing Sherlock to eat around the clock, and with him at the little dining table, pushing around yesterday’s peas on a plate, you sigh. This story keeps evading you, and slowly, you place your head in your hands, and groan.

“Don’t tell me what’s wrong,” Sherlock states, a pea speared upon his fork, “let me deduce.” You keep your head in your hands, but not protesting, he goes on. “You’ve been on edge about your writing for as long as I can remember, but it isn’t that…it happened recently, so it isn’t something my brother said.” You glance through your fingers, and see him. He’s got his thinking face on, fingers poised under his chin, “Not two hours ago you spoke to your uncle.”

You’re silent as he goes on.

“You’re a headstrong person with a sense for humour and such, so it wasn’t humiliation in the conventional sense, no, he’s an uncle, not a cousin, so he’d naturally ask about the same topics that your parents would, and parents ask about more personal issues, not that I would notice from personal experience…” His eyes meet yours, and slowly his face grows red. “He thinks you’re in love with me.”

You chuckle at the wording. “Sounds more like an inflation of that ego of yours when you put it that way,” you don’t deny the fact. Yes, your uncle thinks you’re in love with Sherlock Holmes. That is a fact.

He quirks a brow. “No denial?”

You place your hands in your lap, and look at Sherlock in the eyes. “You’re right. I am an idiot…” you go to stand, but as you go to walk away, he catches your wrist in his hold, those thin fingers capturing you. “Sherlock –,”

He shakes his head, voice no more than a whisper, “No, I’m the idiot, for not realising that the feelings were mutual,” he says.

You grin to yourself. “Looks like we’re a pair of idiots in love or something.”

Perhaps writing down something fictional when you lived a life alongside Sherlock Holmes would never work. Besides, it was more interesting anyways.

sqokscreams reblogged your post and added:

so i noticed that when you mentioned me(here v) i noticed you pretty much say the same stuff here so im sort of gonna reply to both @veganfacts said “Meat eaters abuse their pets every day and literally pay for animals to be abused and murdered” which somehow made you feel as if they’re rude and feel morally superior and not all vegans have the same views. but the thing is, that’s not just an opinion or anything. it’s the truth that every vegan knows and agrees with. a vegan stating facts doesn’t mean they think they’re better than you fam, we’re just trying to educate. like for instance, we all know that an animal has to be killed in order to make meat, right? and major industries depend on supply and demand to exist. so if many people demand meat products, more animals will be killed, and the opposite will happen if there is less demand...

@sqokscreams

(I will touch on your major points, but I wanted to condense space by replying like this.)

I don’t need or expect you to go through the other comments and replies I’ve made on and about that post, but if you wanted to confirm what I’m about to say, you will see the evidence of this at every turn; conceptually speaking, I’m pro-vegan.

Veganism can do a lot of good things, and I always make sure I acknowledge that, because, if I’m arguing with someone, my issues never come down to the practice of, or the incentives behind veganism. Besides just animal welfare, veganism could heavily cut back our environmental impact, so even if I didn’t care about rampant animal exploitation in the meat and dairy industry, veganism would still be a quantifiably good choice.

My problem with veganfacts, and the problem I’m addressing with you now in an effort to explain, is the inflammatory language they used.

It was not a fact, it was hyperbole, and right off the bat, the framing they used showed they do not care about context. The act of stripping context and defamiliarizing a nominal task makes their own point superficial, acting as nothing more than a way to flaunt their moral superiority over people who “pay for animals to be abused.”

In that same breath, it could be said that vegans “pay people to enslave and abuse children,” because of the rampant human rights abuses the produce industry is guilty for.

But neither you, nor veganfacts are guilty of endorsing child/forced labor just because the companies that distribute your food to you are guilty of using it.

But if that had been my responding claim to the shot at non-vegans, and then proceeded to push such a claim to undermine everything else you said thereafter, would you think me a good, thoughtful, or kind person?

That framing injects violence and hate into the consumer that just doesn’t exist. It makes a rabid monster out of regular people and twists this entire issue into a moral battle between vegans and non-vegans, and takes the ultimate blame off the companies that commit these atrocities.

And in their effort to do so, it shows just how little care veganfacts has in reaching out to and educating non-vegans. There is no education to be had there. A non-vegan gleans nothing from that statement other than, “Vegans hate non-vegans. Rabidly so.”

Because that’s what you would understand in that statement if the roles were reversed. That is a hateful statement. It’s divisive and stands only to show how little regard that person has for anyone not already living a vegan lifestyle, and they do not represent a majority of vegans.

To claim that that sentiment is universal is a bastardization of what the vegan movement is trying to accomplish.

Vegans want stricter regulations and higher sanctions against those who break them. In all sectors. They do not ostracize potential future vegans by furthering a rhetoric that sees people in a grocery store as the same level of evil and complicit as dog-fighters. 

On top of that, it’s ignorant and shows just how little that person cares about understanding or overcoming the roadblocks currently standing in the way of amassing more people to the movement.

You said this in your last reply:

i’m kind of confused about the links you posted, because most of them don’t affect the accessibility of plant foods. for example, hunger doesn’t affect what kinds of foods stores carry. of course the cost of the food effects what poor  people would be able to buy, but you can easily buy cheap plant foods. unless you mean hunger caused by food deserts or something? but anyway, i agree that veganism would be extremely difficult in food deserts, though there are many cheap junk foods that are “accidentally vegan” such as oreos and potato chips. i of course don’t blame anyone in that situation for depending on takeout and mcdonalds and stuff, though. however, i doubt someone in that kind of situation would have time to complain about veganism when they’re in a stressful environment and need to constantly worry about getting food on the table. if you could spare enough time writing that long post, i’m pretty sure you also have time to think about making different food choices. . .

Now, I don’t know your situation, I’m not going to claim I understand what you have and haven’t faced in your lifetime, but this (and the rest of that section thereafter), does shed light on what seems to be a disjointed understanding of what poverty and restricted food choice actually looks like.

First, while looking through food statistics in the US for those links, there is no statistical data on produce availability, outside of the data they have on food deserts. And not just that I couldn’t find it; there is an actual acknowledged lack of quantifiable data. People have tried, and there’s just no way to account for or normalize any sort of hard figure on these problems from an availability standpoint.

Second, “cheap” is subjective. Your idea of cheap may not be the same as mine if we have different amounts of disposable income after bills. But when it comes to cost vs. calories, non-vegan is always less expensive. Healthy foods are up-sold at a higher price because there’s a internalized notion in capitalistic culture that says “quality” justifies a higher price. It’s worth more, so it costs more, with worth describing a physical necessity, in this case.

To someone without financial security, the question becomes, “what can I buy that will stretch the length of time until my next paycheck?”

That kind of financial insecurity isn’t so stark when you look at who it’s affecting. Imagine a scenario like a family of four in a white suburban neighborhood who can feed all four of them for a days on a boneless ham at a dollar per pound, which is a whole hell of a lot less expensive that a nutritionally comparable plant-based substitute.

Veganism isn’t cost effective, and even if someone can afford the vegan options one week, they are not guaranteed that same outcome the next, so it’s not sustainable. 

For you, yeah, maybe it is, but for a majority of Americans, veganism is money and food lost. It’s getting your paycheck and attempting to cut even more room out for the added expense, without even the benefit of gaining you more food per dollar spent, and while also gambling that you’ll have the wiggle room every week to do so. What happens when that one bad week comes and the choice comes down to not being able to feed yourself for the whole week, or having to get sick when you force re-acclimation to meat-based products that’ll at least last until your next paycheck?

That’s an irresponsible risk, and that risk exists entirely because corporations stand to profit off an ideology that makes healthier lifestyle choices like veganism more expensive.

Which makes arguments like this ignorant, at best, and elitist worst:

like the entertainment thing. i know that not everyone can go vegan, but a majority of the people in the world can, so if someone chooses to eat meat when there are millions of other options, then they are doing it for their enjoyment, or as you can also say, entertainment. of course you don’t get entertainment out of what happens to the animals in factory farms, but you are still buying the meat because you enjoy how they taste. the treatment of the animals is just a factor that plays into it.

Removing this to a world-wide argument makes it even worse; 1 in 9 people in the world suffers from chronic undernourishment. And that statistic just accounts for people going hungry. 80% of the world’s population lives on less than $10 a day. That’s ten dollars spread across bills and other expenses beyond just food.

The necessity of meat-based products in most people’s lives is just that; a necessity. So long as veganism remains more expensive than the alternative, that necessity remains.

In both of their replies, veganfacts pushed an unrepentant “us vs them, and they kill animals for fun” kind of ideology. They hold themselves so high above the issue, they, again, twisted the purchase of meat products from a store to sit on par with active animal slaughter. 

And the original post was just about bunnies being a good alternative for vegans trying to figure out how to find balance between their pets dietary needs and their own ethics!

They stepped into a post completely unrelated to the point they wanted to push - a point not counter-intuitive to their own ideology - with the express purpose of demonizing non-vegans.

They’re condescending and ignorant. They don’t care about facilitating the vegan movement, because if they did, they’d look at the inaccessibility of the lifestyle and fight for that instead of vilifying non-vegans for “paying people to kill animals.”

They believe veganism makes vegans inherently morally righteous in all their pursuits to non-vegans. That’s the only reason their mind would’ve gone to that reply upon reading my original post. And that is not how veganism should be exemplified.

Doing so frames veganism as an elitist movement that cares more about mocking non-vegans than it does about making sure it has the populous support to take on the animal cruelty in the animal food industry that it currently doesn’t have.

More vegans means more power against the people committing these crimes, but the more vegans there are, the less impact that “non-vegans pay people to kill animals for them to enjoy” kind of rhetoric actually has.

That’s a rhetoric veganfacts pushes. That’s why they jump down the throats of people discussing vegans as morally level with non-vegans. They were defending their own moral righteousness, not a movement that seeks to foster education toward better lives for the people they vilify.

Other vegans are doing that though. They educate. They facilitate and they’re tackling the issue of food availability, and they are honestly working their asses off to make a real change in the world.

And you’ll recognize those people when you start looking for the pattern. They’re the ones who acknowledge and understand why the vegan movement stalls the way it does. They’re the ones building community vegetable gardens and making sure people have food on their table before they even begin worrying about making sure that food is cruelty free.

They don’t use divisive or inflammatory language, and the word carnist is the last thing they’d think to call someone because they know that word mocks basic human needs and makes monsters out of people just so they can justify the claim that that’s what’s wrong with the world.

Veganfacts is not how veganism should look. Their rhetoric is not universal, and they do not deserve to be exemplified.

Veganism is good.

That person is not.

187—240!

187- You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?: Some words. I’m not sure which; there are so many good ones to choose from.

189- What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?: I probably could have gotten arrested for assault, but luckily I’m a minor, ran away quickly, and no one pressed charges.

190- If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?: I wouldn’t change my identity with someone else.

191- You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?: Literacy charities, probably.

192- If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?: I don’t believe that time travel is possible, and if it was, the effects of changing one thing could be devastating. I’d go back five minutes and change something small.

193- If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?: Carbon because I’m mostly made of carbon.

194- If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?: The first one, assuming I got to keep all of the developmental benefits. If not, I’d delete when I was seven because I don’ think anything too significant happened then. That isn’t to say I don’t have things that I wished hadn’t happen, but I believe I’m better for them.

195- You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?: I don’t scream.

196- If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?: There’s a reason I’m not an engineer.

197- What is the first curse word that comes to mind?: Fuck.

198- What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be…: I don’t know what counts as the last party I was at, and don’t know when the next one will be.

199- Halloween costume idea?: I’ve been thinking about going as Nietzsche.

200- What are you supposed to be doing right now?: Nothing; I’ve finished my homework.

201- Currently wanting to see anyone?: I suppose.

202- Why you follow me?: What?

203- If you met me what would you do?: Introduce myself; you’re a stranger.

204- Leave me a ridiculous question: Where is the last place you lost a sock?

205- Leave me a cute message: Small kittens.

206- Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now?: The cup has 50 milliliters of water in it.

207- Do you believe in fate/destiny?: Not at all.

208- What you wish for on 11:11?: I missed it and wished for nothing.

209- Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm?: I don’t believe in luck.

210- Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?: It’s a statistical certainty.

211- What is your religion, if any?: I’m an atheist.

212- Would you go against your moral code for money?: I have no moral code, so sure.

213- What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind?: Strength of the mind.

214- How important you think education is?: Incredibly, but not in our current corrupted systems.

215- If you were the president, what would you do?: I couldn’t explain four years worth of changes in the length of a single post.

216- If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?: I need more time to think about it.

217- Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial?: Everything is circumstantial, I think.

218- If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?: Write.

219- Which movie character do you most identify with and why?: I don’t know.

220- Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early?: I’m rather proactive.

221- Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance: I’ll write a poem, although I’m not much of a poet.

Hello.

222- Say 5 things you love unconditionally: I love nothing unconditionally.

223- What motivates you in life?: The pursuit of knowledge.

224- Something that you’re proud of: My work.

225- Five words/phrases that make you laugh: They don’t translate well to English.

226- Share the story of something that makes you smile: I met Max’s kittens yesterday.

227- Something you always think “what if…” about: What if I had been able to control myself?

228- What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?: I used to spend more time in the shed in my backyard. It became something of a playhouse when we were younger, and then it became one of my thinking spots. I don’t like to go in there anymore, because it reminds me too much of what I did in there.

229- Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life: I like not to think about things in terms of awkwardness.

230- Something/someone that you miss: Wendla.

231- Are you over your past?: Unfortunately, no.

232- What is your saddest memory?: I can’t think of just one.

233- One of the hardest moments in your life: Thinking that my best friend had killed himself.

234- Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?: Yes.

235- What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?: I wouldn’t be embarrassed, but it is certainly taboo to talk about sex.

236- What was your most embarrassing moment?: I try not to get embarrassed.

237- Share one of your fears/insecurities: The fickleness of human relationships.

238- Something you’re currently worrying about: Too many things to list.

239- Have you done something you regret very much?: Yes. Despite my aversion to regret, this is one that I can’t quite avoid regretting.

240- If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be?: Every time I’ve said something irrationally.