#the greek literally had seven different words for love
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i wish there wasn’t such a stigmatized view on platonically loving people.
I can’t call people nicknames and pet names like hun and honey without them immediately assuming i have romantic interest in them.
i can’t tell my friends i love them without adding on “platonically” or shortening the phrase “ily” “love you” “love u”
i love a lot of people. i love my sister, i love my boyfriend, and i love my best friend. All different versions of love.
let us love people openly and honestly without it being seen as “making a move” or being romantically interested.
please please please stop assuming that love is strictly romantic, i promise you life becomes so much brighter and bigger when you stop keeping love strictly romantic.
#finn rants#platonic love#romantic love#there’s so much more than just romantic love#the greek literally had seven different words for love#LISTEN TO THEM!!!
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Good Omens 2 Opening-What are they marching toward?
Hi, there's something about the opening credit sequence that immediately caught my eye upon the first viewing. @metatronhateblog and I have discussed the whole opening credits at length (helps that we're siblings and can sit in the same room to talk about it) and we both will probably make some posts about things we haven't seen addressed yet.
I haven't seen anyone mention this particular thing yet, but forgive me if this has already been pointed out.
This mountain they are marching up? This is Zion.
I'm almost certain. It's a very interesting word that's used several times in the Old and New Testament, most notably for me in the book of Revelation, which I read a lot as a former Christian (I liked it cause it was the least boring thing to read).
It has a few different meanings from what I've gathered (a note: this is not about z*ionism.), which I will try to give brief explanations on.
Originally I believe it was meant to be an actual location in Jerusalem, a hill/mountain that held the City of David. Literally called Mount Zion I think.
In the Old Testament it also is described as being the place where God rests, where they are enthroned.
Now look at this.
Pretty sure that's a throne room? It looks like a Greek temple, so I think that's the vibe it's going for. The place where God is located.
Most interestingly, Zion is symbolic of the city of heaven, which will come to earth and God will dwell with the people upon Jesus' return and judgement (at least that's what I'm getting from the text? It can be difficult for me to decipher sometimes). Revelation 14:1 states
"Then I looked, and there before me was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father’s name written on their foreheads."
I believe this is the first time Jesus appears during(after maybe?) the great Tribulation (aka, all the torments the earth endures during this time before his return) with those who have been chosen by God. "The Lamb" refers to Jesus, for those who may not know.
I thought it was odd that this possible Zion reference was placed here in season 2 since it's not something that we've seen or heard mentioned thus far, but I think we can safely assume it has to do with season 3 and the Second Coming.
A side note, there's something else I caught while looking at this as well:
I could be wrong, but it looks like these cherubs are tipping bowls. BOWLS!
In John's visions in Revelation 16, we see seven angels with bowls pouring out plagues to the earth. Bowls of God's wrath. I could go into what they are but that's a whole other post. For some reason I always remembered the bowls the most, I have no idea why. There's so much to find in the opening, it's like a scavenger hunt and my little brain loves it! Anyway.
Fascinating that Zion is what the people and our heroes are marching toward. Are they simply moving toward the end times (again)? Are they marching straight to God's house to get some answers (Aziraphale might be)? Are they moving toward that utopian heaven on earth as they begin eternity, forever and ever amen (as Michael mentions in the forbidden heavenly footage)? Maybe all three.
It may not be all that important and just be purely symbolic, but I thought it was neat. There really is so much in the details!
Thanks for coming to my rambling! I'm going to go try finding more references now.
#good omens#good omens spoilers#good omens 2#good omens theory#aziraphale#crowley#looks like bible quizzing ended up being useful to me after all lol#dont ask
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Is love what makes us human?
This might read as just the incoherent ramblings of a sleep deprived mad man, but stay with me.
As someone who is autistic and on the ace spectrum (asexual/some form of aromantic idk still working it out) I spend a lot of time listening to people talk about love and empathy, and the their amounts and lack of each. There are people who say that “love is what makes us human!” And there are others, typically those on the ace or autistic spectrum such as myself, who disagree, and argue “being human is what makes us human, love has nothing to do with it.”
I personally think, that in a lot of cases, when these two perspectives are arguing with one another, both are misunderstanding what it means to love, and to have love for others.
Before you can argue about whether or not you can be human without feeling love, you should first decide what you mean by love, exactly. Are you talking about a specific form of love? Romantic love? Sexual love? Because you can definitely be human without experiencing those. Or do you just mean “love” in general?
“Love” is not one thing. I truly hate the fact that the English language only has one word for love, because it does such a shit job at encompassing such a giant range of feelings and emotions. The Greeks did a better job, with their seven words for love, but even that doesn’t feel like enough. Love is a hundred different things! Love can be shown and felt in a hundred different ways!
In media, love is so often portrayed through such a narrow lens. It is either romantic between partners, or platonic through friends or family, and that is usually it. But those are only a teeny tiny fraction of the ways humans feel and experience love. There are so many more. To simply say that love is just one thing, and that it can only be shown in one specific way is! Insanity!
Furthermore: most people seem to be able to grasp the idea that you can feel love for someone without feeling sexual attraction to them, but they do not understand that the same concept applies to every single form of love. You can feel one form of love, any form of love, without feeling the others, and guess what! It’s still love!
You can love a person (or a thing! Or an animal! Or a concept! Literally anything!) without without ever being attracted to them romantically, physically, or sexually! You can love someone without ever being able to feel empathy for them! Even if you are someone who cannot feel any sort of romantic or sexual love, and also cannot feel empathy/are low empathy, to say that you have never felt love, ever, is an absolutely ludicrous statement to me.
Because, in my mind, I see love as something so much bigger than the three simple categories (love for friends and or family, love for romantic partners, love for sexual partners) it’s most often divided into. There so so so so so many other ways people experience and display love in the world, and it’s really sad to be that there are people who do these things without ever realizing that they are just. Other forms of love.
Caring for a pet. Moving a plant to a windowsill so it can get more light. Carving your name into the side of your favorite tree to let others know that it was yours. Leaving food out for stray animals. Collecting. Bird-watching. Devotion to a god/religion. Playing a game of jump rope, singing the same rhyme children have sung for decades. Keeping the same stuffed animal you’ve had since you were a little kid. Picking up litter off of the side of the road. Getting out of bed on days where just that simple act is hard. Letting yourself rest on days where it is impossible. Self-care. Going to therapy. Feeling grief after loss. Painting, writing, simply creating something you feel good about. Admiring an old painting. Reading a book over and over until you know the entire thing by heart. Mourning the death of a fictional character. Repairing a hole in your favorite pair of jeans so you can keep wearing them. Restoring an old house. Rescuing an old desk from the side of the road. Eagerly learning a new skill. Working out to improve your health. Getting a tattoo. Dying your hair to boost your confidence. Wanting to learn everything there is to know about a given topic. Devoting your life to pursuing a career or passion. Staring in wonder at something, the night sky, an insect, a math problem, a painting. Feeling in awe over anything at all.
All of these things, every single one, is something I consider an act of love. If you read through this list and nothing resonates with you… then yeah. I might be questioning your humanity a little bit, I won’t lie.
Even if it’s not for another human being. Even if it’s for a subject, a cause, something your passionate about, the Planet, an inanimate object, or just for yourself. It’s still love, even if it’s in a form most don’t recognize. It still counts.
“But matches,” I hear you asking, “how does it count if it’s not between two people? If it doesn’t benefit anyone, or only benefits me, then how can it be an act of love?”
Love has a way of spreading, I think. It’ll bleed out, touch other people. Something you create for your love of creating might bring joy to someone else down the road, even if that wasn’t your original intention. And even if it does only affect you, if it’s an act that only you are benefiting from, then so what? You are still a person. You are worthy of experiencing the love you give to the world around you. That doesn’t make it any less real or important. If it makes you feel good in some way, and is not hurting anyone else, then why shouldn’t it count?
I may not feel sexual attraction, and my own feelings of romantic attraction are too complex for me to put into words without writing another essay, but to tell me that I don’t experience love? That the awe I feel looking up at the night sky, the pure joy and wonder I get from diving headfirst into the ocean, the passion and drive I have for art and writing, isn’t love? Absolute insanity.
Now, circling back to the original point of this post: do I believe love is the thing that makes us human?
In short: Yes. I do.
This is because I believe that simply being alive is an act of love, in of itself.
Just by being here, by interacting with the world around you, wether you realize it or not, you are committing acts of love in a hundred different ways. The passion, the wonder, that need to know instinct that’s inside each and every one of us, pushing us forwards. The curiosity that defines us as a species. To me? That is love, as well.
The universe loves you, dear reader, because you are love.
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🎬📺 Share ten different favorite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order 🎮🃏 Then send this to 10 people (anon or not, your choice)
Sending this to you <3
OH okay yes i have a list w every character i’ve ever loved so this is quite easy for me
sirius black honestly it’s my personal mission in life to get every single person that’s ever met me to associate me w sirius black. that stupid little cunt has been my FAVOURITE guy since i was SIX years old. that’s thirteen years what
mike wheeler if u think this needs an explanation i feel like you’ve not rlly looked at my blog!
peter parker am i convinced if i was a marvel character he’d be in love w me yes. am i also convinced i’m the same person as him. also yes don’t psychoanalyse me
wylan van eck if i had to pick one ginger to save from total destruction it would be him… which says a lot because my cat is ginger
annabeth chase surprisingly enough i didn’t get attached to her the first time round reading pjo because i lowkey was too busy learning abt greek myth stuff to attach to a character but the SECOND TIME?? ur dad chose his new wife over you?? bitch me too the fuck
ronan lynch i think ronan was one of the characters that it took the least amount of time for me to fall in love w actually. he’s just so insane and the whole like. thing. of his existence. like his entire being. what’s the word. idk. but he makes me wanna gnaw my fucking arm off
simon snow i’ve been compared to this guy by multiple people and he’s literally sunshine personified and it made me rethink my stance on the “am i the moon gf / or the sun gf” thing bc i THOUGHT i was the moon but it turns out i am not. he was the first “sunshine” trope character that i fell in love w. not the last tho! half of the bitches in my list are just sunshiney motherfuckers it’s filled w them
aled last i feel like most people underestimate how much i love aled! i’m his biggest fan! i’m ao3 user aledlast! i’ve never cried as much over w character whilst reading their source material (etc. not fanfic or just crying over them in general) as i have him. like. he made me feel seen in a way i’ve never felt before and i’m l obsessed w him. if u love aled last i love you
chris halliwell he’s from charmed ok i feel like the majority of people who follow me have ZERO idea what that is! it’s my favourite show of all time and hes fucked up w mummy issues AND daddy issues AND abandonment issues so how could i not get attached to him
zuko listen he’s just like… THAT. idk i enjoy men that remind me of fucking drowned skinny little stray kittens. do i think abt him twenty four seven no i don’t but he’s one of those characters where whenever i think abt them i feel like i’m getting a hug. i don’t particularly like hugs so it’s not a good analogy actually fuck whoever came up with that
#THANK U FOR THE ASK#sorry if this is a wee bit rambly i am! caffeinated and stoned so. yes#someone remind me to send this to people tomorrow i’m not gonna do it rn#moonriseblueeyes
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The Best Team No One Talks About (Part 1)
Lyon just won their 100th Champions League. So let's talk about the team no one really talks about.
I've argued, over and over again, that Lyon is actually a really complex, interesting team. Their dynamics and interrelations are fascinating. This is a team who once considered themselves as deities, were forced to see themselves as human, hated it, became deities again out of sheer spite, and then found themselves being seen as human partly out of sheer misfortune. It's fascinating.
There's so many layers to them, so many intricate details that I honestly believe no other team really has. This team really does have players who eyes literally change at the thought of losing. I'm not being metaphorical, you can see it. Watch this team enter God Mode, and it's one of those things - you know it when you see it sort of thing.
Watch the dynamics and interrelations. I don't mean dating - god I find romantic relationships within a team boring - I mean: watch who is a leader. Who controls this team? Who listens? Who speaks up? Who gets the pregame speeches? Why? More importantly, what is being said? Why is that being said?
Why do words matter? Why do specific words matter?
Let me tell you. Let me tell you stories, let me talk to you about history. Let me tell you why a controversial loss against PSG back in 2018 caused this team to have a massive amount of insomnia. Let me tell you why Lyon and Wolfsburg have such a complex, interesting history between them. Let me tell you why Lyon and Juvesy/Paris FC hate each other so much. Let me tell you why that pales in comparison to the sheer hatred Paris Saint-Germain and Lyon have for each other.
Let me tell you about the Lyon-Barcelona rivalry. Let me tell you that it isn't quite a rivalry yet. Let me tell you why that matters. Let me tell you also why it doesn't.
Let me tell you about philosophy and greek mythology and why all that kind of matters when it comes to understanding this team. Let me tell you about how to get this team, you have to understand love stories. You have to understand mythology. You have to understand deities and folklore and all sorts of cool things like how fate and predestined can mean a lot of things, actually.
Let me tell you why this team is interesting. They're quiet, and I find it frustrating sometimes that people don't get that that is the point. They're quiet. They're not going to be plastered all over the front page. Books about them aren't going to be best sellers. Documentaries about them aren't going to be nominated for awards or sell out theaters or whatever.
They're not actually yours. They belong to Aulas and the vision he created: a war machine with a distorted concept of morality. He didn't buy this team, he created it, molded it into what he wanted. And so often people accuse Aulas and Lyon of simply buying their way to trophies with the best players but the truth, the actual truth, is so much more complex and interesting than that.
OL Feminin didn't exist officially until 2004 but the reality is they did exist long before that. They existed when Aulas realized that women bring values and worth to his business and he wanted that across all aspects of his business ventures. You can't succeed without women, and Aulas saw that, and applied that. I wish people would get the importance of that. It's more than just equality.
But yeah. 100 victories, starting back in 2007. The world according to Lyon was a lot different back then. Wendie Renard would have been with them for about a year. Amandine Henry walked into their life that year. Selma Bacha wouldn't appear on their academy doorstep until a year later. Ada Hegerberg wouldn't walk into their life for another seven years. Delphine Cascarino wasn't, well, Delphine Cascarino yet. The world hadn't heard of Amel Majri. Neither had Olympique Lyonnais.
I remember the first time I saw Lyon play, all those years ago. I remember being cold and wet and sad and I remember how Aulas bought me and my friend a cup of coffee and I remember how he said this team is mine.
I think about that quite a lot. Mine, mine, mine.
Maybe that's why Lyon is a team no one really talks about. Because they don't belong to anyone except Aulas. And maybe that's the point. You don't win 100 UWCL games because this team answers to public consumption. This team wins because in 1987, Jean-Michel Aulas sat a Board of Directors down and said I will save you from bankruptcy. But in return, I am going to want something else.
The trade was a team that would go on to win 100 UWCL games. That, some would argue, would shape the world of football into its own image. That would shape players into their own image. A team people, if they really sit down and think about it, would be hard to describe.
A quiet, complex team that no one really talks about.
#all good love stories start in the rain#what I am saying is this team is super interesting to analyze and super boring on social media#what I am also saying is to take that deal
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Bambi, Ch. 2, Ghost
You are my Bambi, girl, I am your candy, tell me what are you waiting for?
Summary: As an archaeologist who works on the Ancient Greece, you were on the verge of excavations’ session. While you have been preparing your team, you learned that your institute decided on your team has to work with another team as they wanted the outcome as a collaboration. The head of other team was your biggest rival, a scumbag in your eyes: Byun Baekhyun.
You two were supposed to work together for three months, in a Greek Island, Chios.
Could you manage to not kill Byun Baekhyun for three months?
Chapter Summary: Byun Baekhyun and the Reader remember the day they spent in UN Village together while they are heading to Chios. (Guys, this chapter, which is dedicated to the beginning of their relationship, is going to be two parts, otherwise it is going to be more than 20k lol)
Word Count: 11k
Content: AU, heavily Greek mythology, enemies to lovers.
Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.
Note: This story will be 7 or 8 chapters if I will not change my mind in the meantime. It is inspired by my major; however, I do not have a complete knowledge on archaeology, I am a historian. If I will make a technical mistake, please let me know. I am willing to receive any kind of feedback; you are more than welcomed to drop a message.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 2: Ghost
5 years ago, Hannam-dong
Even if I want you so much it drives me crazy
You ghost
Even if I want and call for you all night long
You came to me and left without a word
You ghost, you ghost
You want to go crazy all night, you plead
You ghost
You disappeared again without a trace
“What type of sadistic and sick person could say that we have to work here?” you cursed between your teeth, you jaw clenched because of pure anger. “How do they expect us to do our job in the middle of fucking super-ultra-rich people?”
“Get used to it.” Junmyeon flinched your forehead, but his frustration was oblivious, even though he was doing definitely better than you. “Where is Baekhyun?”
“I do not know.” you recklessly pointed to the expensive cars on the road. “Maybe he was looking for a sugar mommy.”
“As your sunbae,” Minseok hit you. “I would like to remind you to hold on your manners.”
“Someone has to give a speech on manners to him.” your eyebrows knitted together. “Not to me.”
“Both of you,” Kyungsoo nonchalantly spoke. “need a really good beaten session, since both of you have no idea on how to behave.”
You threw the book you were holding to Kyungsoo, but he was too quick and easily saved himself from your unexpected attack.
“I am here, right?” you hissed. “Where the heck is that bastard? He always disappears when it comes to work, why do you hold me in the same esteem with him?”
“Because you are definitely a copy of Baekhyun.” Chanyeol laughed at your god-fucking-damn-it-so-horrible face expression. “Let’s face with the fact, Indy. Everyone knows that Baekhyun is a disciplined student, just as you are, badmouthed, just as you are.”
“Are you talking about me?” Baekhyun popped out of nowhere. “I heard you are praising me less than the way I deserve.”
Your face could be described as disgusted, but this would be the kindest way of telling how your appearance was. Actually, you wanted to punch his narcissistic self-perspective, to shake his cage in order to give him the lesson he deserved, but you did not want to be scolded by Junmyeon again. You just walked away from him, needing to put a safe distance between yourself and Baekhyun.
God, if you could run away to space, you would do it in order to not infuse with the same air with Baekhyun.
You disliked him, you disliked the way of his well-being, you disliked his velvety voice, his lame jokes, his sharp remarks, you disliked everything about Byun Baekhyun.
And you hated yourself because of finding him very handsome. Sometimes, you caught yourself, staring at Baekhyun, forgetting how to breath properly. His face was like a gift of God himself; his body ratio made you to say oh-my-fucking-god.
Thank God, he had the most annoying character, because if he had a good personality, you knew that you would fall in love over the heels with him.
“What kind of idiot chained us here?” Baekhyun asked to Junmyeon. “Fuck’s sake, what the heck we are going to here? Digging beneath the Richie riches’ villas?”
Chanyeol bite his lips before looking at you, silently reminding your own words and his remarks about being very same with Baekhyun. You did not back off, staring at Chanyeol with all frustration went through your veins, causing Chanyeol to laugh. Baekhyun hit his head, then walked towards Junmyeon to take his own tool bag.
You hated him for this, too. He was acting like he was a superior, like he was better than any of you, and what got your nerves badly was no one scold him as they would scold you if you would do the same things.
“Yeah, I am like this scumbag who does not carry even his own stuff, huh?” you literally sizzled between your teeth, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo heard your annoyed voice, but they preferred to keep their silence. Your hate was not a secret for the team, everyone was aware of the fact that putting you and Baekhyun was a dangerous decision since he also loathed you.
But to your dismays, you were the brightest students Sejong could always play on.
“Seriously what we are going to do?” Baekhyun repeated his question because he really did not have a single clue.
“Didn’t you read the mail Sejong sent us?” Jongdae asked him, raising one eyebrow. Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder, you bit your lower lip in order keep your frustration under your control. What a bastard!
“We have to visit UN Village, there are seven neighbourhood where we have to go and collect the permissions of the residents.” Junmyeon run his hand through his hair. He was already on the verge of cracking since he was the one who had to deal with a lot of capricious upper-class members in order to complete this fucking task. He wished nothing but changing his path, he started to think like the field was not his cup of tea, but before resigning from leadership, he wanted to find a good candidate who could lead the team.
He wanted you to be that leader. You and Baekhyun. Heretofore, Junmyeon laid his eyes on both of you and your abilities persuaded him to nominate your names when he could propose an election. He did not want to be a fieldperson, he wished to stay in his office, but at the same time, he could not inherit his legacy, Godfuckingdamnit Junmyeon’s did his best in order to engrave his name as one of the most successful captains, to anyone but the best. Yet, Junmyeon had no idea how to put you in good terms, since you were like a cat and dog, and Chanyeol, that giant idiot, used every opportunity to fan the flames, even that silent Kyungsoo enjoyed watching intangible scuffles between you and Baekhyun.
Junmyeon has been sensing that the team was becoming aware of the situation and camping as two different poles. Jongdae, Shinhye and Minseok were setting off closer to you while Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and the newbie, Jongin have been shifting to Baekhyun’s side. Damn, Junmyeon could not let it to be happen. He needed all of you under the same umbrella, especially you and Baekhyun had to stay together. He was seeing a great potential of you, if you could combine your powers, you were going to be the perfect team. Period.
“Let’s split into teams.” his eyes wandered around all of you. “We are eight, if we can divide ourselves into four teams, we will finish the job easier and quicker.”
“Yeah, you are right.” Kyungsoo approved. “I am going to take Chanyeol.”
“Are you my superior, dumbass?” Chanyeol hit his shoulder, but he was laughing. “I am with Kyungsoo.”
“Good.” Junmyeon inhaled. “Shinhye, you are with Jongdae.”
You automatically stirred next to Minseok, however you shuttered after hearing Junmyeon’s next orders.
“Indy, you and Baekhyun are together, Minseok, let’s go.”
“What?!” you immediately stopped and hissed at Junmyeon. “Am I with who?”
Jongdae realized the storm before seeing the clouds, clever as always, he disappeared while dragging Shinhye with him. You even did not notice, but Chanyeol’s smile widened, Kyungsoo smirked, and they rushed to their own direction.
Only four of you were standing on the pavement, you were throwing daggers to Junmyeon with your eyes. Baekhyun was nonchalantly looking at Junmyeon, while Minseok could not find a way to break the tension.
Junmyeon was cool as a cucumber.
“You are with Baekhyun.” he repeated his words, sounding like he was condemning you with execution. “What? Do you have a rejection?”
“Yes!” you exploded without thinking. “Why shou-
“Believe me,” Baekhyun interrupted your words, he was indifferent to your frustration. “I did not beg for being in the same team with you.”
“Did I claim that?” you swiftly turned on your tiptoes. “Did I say you are eager to be with me?”
“It would be the greatest joke you could make.” Baekhyun winked to you. “But you are not so into the entertainment, right?”
“Baekhyun,” Minseok noisily cleared his throat. “I am not sur-
“What do you know about me?” you heard your own voice. “This is why we cannot work together, you always make assumptions out of your ass, instead I work as organized, with the facts and tangible proofs.”
“What do you know about me?” Baekhyun coldly smiled at you, you could not describe its impacts on you, that smile had you wanting to punch him at the same time ignited some fires in your lower stomach. “We barely talk, have you been watching me all the time?”
“You wish.” you took a deep breath. “You are not worth my time.”
“Oh,” his eyes glimmered with a menacing luminescence. “I am deeply wounded.”
“If you are done,” Junmyeon raised his hands to the air. “We have to work.”
“Jun-
“Young lady,” Baekhyun barged on. “They did not teach you this, so it’s up to me but we are not in kindergarten anymore.”
You had to admit, no one could get your nerves till now like Baekhyun did.
You had to admit, you hated being called as a kid. Junmyeon’s eyes blown up when Baekhyun labelled you as a kid, before he could open his mouth, you stared at Baekhyun.
“I can see why we could be a team.” you took the directional instructions from Junmyeon’s hand. “A kindergarten kid has to take care of a cry baby while the adults have to work.”
Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed, but you wholly ignored his visible annoyance, and started to walk. Junmyeon was looking at your back with a little bit concerned face, but he knew that he did what he had to do.
You were going to scold Junmyeon in the following hours of the day, however, now your job was teaching a couple of lessons on manners to this scumbag who has been walking beside you.
You spent the first hour in a total silence, talking only if the occasion called for it. The tension between you and Baekhyun was solid, someone could cut it with a knife without any problem. Baekhyun was bored to death, he never plan to have a day like this, he wanted to enjoy everything he did, he thought he could be with Chanyeol or Kyungsoo, having fun to death.
Instead, he was trapped with you.
The only girl he loathed to the bits.
He could not endure to hear your voice, even though you talked with the residents very kindly and respectfully. He had to admit that you were doing a good job, but it did not change anything he felt for you. He had been cursing Junmyeon since he put you two in the same task, however, he knew that if Junmyeon wanted something from Baekhyun, he would do it without question. Baekhyun could be many things, but he was loyal to his friends, and Junmyeon had a special place in his heart.
Also, behind the curtains of his hate, he could see why Junmyeon gave you to him. Although you were an abominable bitch, an obnoxious creature, a walking blasphemy, and a hate crime, Baekhyun did not think you could be an offspring of a lovely or healthy relationship, he was sure your parents were diabolical beasts, to his disappointment, you were reallyclever.
He wished you could be more reliable person, so he could work with you.
Baekhyun did not like to confess, yet he was aware of the fact that he desperately needed his own Evelyn O’Connor. Someone who could play the game with him, as his trustable partner in crime. He was extremely close to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, but they were not equal to his wits and ambitions. Sometimes he was brassed off the conversations, time to time he found them boring and lame. His logic was faster than his mates, actually he was longing for nothing, but someone was equal to his high-speed brain.
You could be the one he was searching for, but you were made of poison, greed, and wickedness. Even if he would be blessed by the Heavens, he could not agree to work someone with you.
“Your Highness,” he heard your fucking voice. “We have to visit at least twelve houses more; do you mind hurrying up?”
“The only thing I mind is your fucking attitude.” he gritted his teeth. “Give the plan to me.”
“So, you can destroy everything I organized properly?” you smirked. “I do not think so.”
“Organized?” Baekhyun cocked his eyebrow. “Organized, my ass. Didn’t you lose Park Sangwan’s house? Twice?”
“Look who is talking.” the red of embarrassment slightly painted your cheeks and ears. “The one who had no idea about today’s plans.”
“At least I did not lose my fucking way and circled around the same house almost for half an hour.”
“And the award goes to Byun Baekhyun for his greatest achievements.” you gave back the wink to him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Oh, breaking news. No achievement no award.”
Baekhyun took it personally since you two competed to each other as the finalists of last academic year. Your project was accepted as the winner while Baekhyun received only a certificate. You hit the lotto, he had to watch you, walking to the stage with a bright smile tugged on your lips.
Still, he could vividly remember the little smirk you gave to him that night when they announced your name.
“You did it consciously.” his jaw clenched. “That night. When they called you as the winner. You immediately turned to me just to annoy me.”
“It seems, I achieve my goal.” your smirk widened, a glistening layer of fun covered your face. “Were you disappointed?”
“Yeah, of course.” he did not miss a single second. “I was disappointed of the professors, I was believing they were cleverer than me, but their choice showed me they were nothing but idiots.”
“Could you smell the air, Baekhyun?” you asked with a serious face. He was confused for a second, you never ask a question to him or call him by his name, but before he could register, you tucked the words in his throat. “Oh, jealousy, my favourite.”
“Darling,” Baekhyun swallowed hard. “There is no single living soul who can be low enough to jealous you in this universe.”
That was not quite truth, because Baekhyun not only remembered your revengeful smile but also how you were looking like that day. He could paint you on canvas by closed eyes, and he would not miss a single detail.
And he was a little bit jealous on that day. Not only because he lost over to you, but also because of the people around you. You annoyed him not only with your award, but also with your closeness to the other men.
Despite of your usual oversize clothes or no makeup policy, you chose to present yourself in a different style. Your hair was perfectly combed, your makeup highlighted your face features, and you were wearing a little light blue dress which tightly caressed your body. Baekhyun, or none of your classmates knew that you had curves for example till that night and to Baekhyun’s dismay, you had a really good body. You were a minion, your beauty was very soft and although he really hated to admit this, you were a view for the spectators. Maybe not the prettiest, but you had something had people looking at you, liking you, desiring you.
You had an aura which was enough to make your biggest enemy to silently acknowledged that you were attractive.
“Maybe, there is no one.” you shrugged your shoulder. “But youwere eager to low yourself, huh?”
You did not forget the look on Baekhyun’s face when Professor Kim called you to the stage. You were sure as fuck, he was cursing you but also there was something else, glowing in his eyes. Something you could not describe, but you could see the same emotion in your reflection when you saw Baekhyun with that crowd of girls.
Rarely.
But still you knew that feeling.
That ceremony was hard for you, of course you were over the moon because of your achievement, that project opened you some fresh opportunities and proved that despite of being a junior, you were more than a bachelor student. You proved your talents and abilities to yourself by winning the first place, you completed a step, made your first goal come true.
And you nailed Byun Baekhyun’s coffin. It was worth of every minute you spent sleepless, your tears and sweats, the hours in library, the hours in front of the plan of Gyeongbokgung Palace and search for the most logical and safest ways of conducting an excavation around the palace.
Your ideas were chosen over Baekhyun’s ideas, and you were aware of the quality of the solutions he proposed.
You were proud of yourself.
It was the bare truth that Baekhyun’s face were singing to you just as your favourite band could sing, seeing his face just like someone fed him with cucumbers was equal to being accepted into your dream field, Chios’ excavations, as the chief archaeologist.
But you were annoyed.
You could not happily taste your success. You could not feel its flavour on your tongue buds.
Because of that bastard looked fucking magnificent in that bloody black suit.
You have been told about the dress code you had to follow, however no one, not a single soul managed to catch his level of looking good in a suit.
You were annoyed because your taste in men was exactly equal to Byun Baekhyun. He had everything you could ask for, he was devilishly charming, there was even no need for words to describe him, he was beautiful.
And he was the only one you hated the most.
Every girl in the room was drooling over him, to your dismay, just like you. You felt that feeling in your stomach, a pain which was spinning, spinning, and spinning, causing a tornado inside of your stomach.
Was it jealousy?
“I already noticed your ignorance about the feelings.” Baekhyun could not control himself anymore and grabbed your shoulder, turning you to the opposite direction. “We have to follow this fucking street, or we will be lost again.”
“Have you been observing me, Baekhyunnie? That’s so cute.” you ignored the second part of his words, just starting to walk on the direction he instructed to you.
“Observing you takes a minute, baby girl, since there is nothing to see.” he answered but he found it interesting when you called him as Baekhyunnie. “You are a spoiled brat.”
“Hop, that hurts.” you pouted, pressed your fist on your chest, faking a whimper. “Would you like to tame this spoiled brat?”
You started to think that you went nuts.
“In your dreams.” Baekhyun laughed, but he literally lost himself in the fucking possibilities you could be tamed by him. “You have to wait a couple of centuries for someone who can be willing to be with you.”
You chuckled but preferred to keep your silence after his words. Damn, your sudden quietude caught Baekhyun’s attention more. Why didn’t you not attack to him? Why didn’t you give him a sharp answer as you should have?
Why you chuckled like there was a line at your door?
Was it?
Baekhyun pondered that instead of the fact that you were generally with a small group of friends, to both of your dismays your common friends, he did not see you with strangers, so there could not a queue for your hand.
Could it be?
And why the fuck he should have care if there is a crowd for you or not? No one could want someone like you if they did not lose their mind.
But he cared. Fuck, he cared more than he wanted.
Because to his disappointment, he knew that there was a real cavalcade of knightly candidates for you.
“Okey,” you checked the time. “After this one, I am going to have lunch.”
“We are going to have lunch.” Baekhyun gritted his teeth. “I hate eating alone enough to endure your presence.”
“Didn’t you tell me there is no one who could want to be with me?” you snickered. “But you have no reservations about having lunch with me?”
“Imagine the situation I am in.” he grumbled. “The day gets better and better.”
You decided to annoy him, pushing him to the edges as much as you could do. The first response that came to your mind refusing him, but the other option was funnier. You could play with Byun Baekhyun, you could take your revenge by being a pain in the ass.
He said that he could endure your presence.
You could make him regretful of his words.
There was a very little smile tugged on your lips which you were not aware of, however, to his dismay, Baekhyun realized it.
Her lips are rosy and plump, he thought to himself. Even though he called you a spoiled brat, he was not sure of if you were a brat or not. Kiddos have not the type of lips, calling people for the kisses, like you. There was something, even during your cocky performances when you tried to beat the life out of him, although you always kept that dull and bored expression and acted like Baekhyun was not worth of your time, but there was something just in you.
Baekhyun swallowed down his own vomit when he admitted it to himself, and you have caught his glare.
“What?” you purred. “Can’t you take your eyes off me?”
“Who the hell wants to watch you?” he quickly collected his thoughts and put them in a fucking trail. “I am looking for a restaurant where we can have good food.”
After a permanent mutual ignorance session for years, his next words caught you off your guard.
“You like local foods, right?” he asked. “I guess the second shop on this street is famous for jjangmyeon and tteokbokki.”
Well, you had to admit that his questions made your brain a little bit foggy. How could he know that?
“Yeah.” for the first time in history, you did not come up with any sharp answer. “How about you?”
“As long as there is no cucumber or extremely sweet cuisine,” he started to walk. “I am fine.”
You heard that Baekhyun is really not in good terms with cucumber.
“Feel you.” you murmured in your mouth because you hated cucumbers as much as you hated Baekhyun. He swiftly look at you, you accompanied him on the street.
“We should celebrate.” he teased. “I said something, you just answered, and we did not have a fight.”
“This is a privilege for cucumbers.” you shrugged your shoulder, but you also felt that he did not buy your nonchalant tone. “I cannot stand them, mum loves it too much, I mean what type of person can love a cucumber? If I need water, I prefer to drink it.”
Your observation made him tilted his head back in that rumbling laugh of his, you were unwilling to join, but the corners of your mouth turned up slightly.
“Here we go.” He, as a gentleman, opened the door for you, you responded with the most neutral expression you could muster. “Oh, no thanks?”
“Thank you.” you rolled your eyes, however, despite of your strongly negative feelings against him, you do not like rudeness. “Sorry, that was insolence of me.”
“Your apology is fully accepted.” he winked, you hated that cocky tone, you hated yourself for falling into his trap. You passed him, went to a distanced table where it placed in the corner. You did not want to be seen as having a lunch with Baekhyun by your teammates.
Corner was fine.
“Oh, no.” he grabbed your arm, manhandled you to the tables of the center. “I will not let you escape. If they see us, let them to see.”
Your eyebrows knitted, your lips pressed to each other enough to form a thick line on your face, you could almost taste your growing anger. But at the same time, you realized that feeling his hand on your skin increased your heartbeats, you wanted to scream with self-hatred, but you bite down on your tongue as his hand quickly wandered to down, to your waist. He directed you to the most visible table from outside while you were fighting yourself in order to control your fucking pace of breathing.
Please, this could not be true, I could not be excited because of his touch, you thought.
This was not happening, what the fuck was happening?
Baekhyun was not so different from you, even though his face expression was not changed for a bit. He forced himself to take control, but it was really hard for him.
Your hate was reciprocated, right? You guys could not spend even a bloody minute in peace, the only thing you had was annoyance.
So, why you perfectly fit in his embrace just like you were made just to be under his arm?
Why Baekhyun wanted to tight his arm around your waist?
Why could you not say anything even though Baekhyun was literally holding you?
Why you felt like you were in the only place where you had to be for the rest of your days?
“Hi.” you heard the waitress who was a really beautiful girl. “Welcome to Sung’s String. How can I help you?”
Even though finishing her sentence, she begun to eye Baekhyun. You rolled your eyes and reached to the menu; to be honest, this show was not funny after seeing it for the million times. Every time, Sejong Team went outside for a drink, for a gathering or even for a museum trip, girls and sometimes boys gazing the members of Sejong Team just like they were idols or actors because of their good-looking. Eh, they were not wrong, you had to say that the Sejong Team included really, really, and really handsome boys from Baekhyun to Chanyeol, from Kyungsoo to Jongdae and these boys’ superiors were Kim oh-my-godJunmyeon and Kim lord-help-us Minseok.
Well…
You were already got used to the reactions coming from all around when Sejong Team showed their faces. You knew that both of insiders and outsiders of Sejong Institute called your team members as the Flower Boys or a shitty nickname like that.
“I would like to have a jjangmyeon without cucumbers, and a tteokbokki.” you turned the menu off. “With a light coke.”
“Coke?” Baekhyun mimicked you like he could not believe his ears. “Are you kidding? Everyone knows that you have to drink jasmine tea in order to help digestion.”
“Have you been majored in nutrition?” you gave him your bitchy resting face. “Shut the fuck up.”
“No coke.” he wholly ignored you and turned to the waitress who was watching him as drooling. “Please, we want two bowls of jjangmyeon, two tteokbokki, also please we would like to have kimbap and kimchi as the garnitures and of course a pot of jasmine tea.”
“Yeah!” she sounded weaker after Baekhyun conducted all power he had in his eyes to her. “Anything else?”
“I guess we are fine for the time being.” Baekhyun smiled to her, causing a flush of redness on her cheeks.
“I will be back as soon as possible.” the girl literally purred, Baekhyun’s eyes shined after her reaction. Little bastard. You did not want to think about it, but his visible joy had your stomach churned. You inhaled and took your book out of your bag.
“What are you doing?” Baekhyun glanced up at you, reached to take the book from your hands. “Having lunch together means conversation, are you going to read?”
“Give the book to me, Byun.” you kicked his foot under the table. “I know you do not know how to read and enjoy but that’s a good habit to have.”
“Yeah, I know that habit of you gives nothing but lonely hours in library.” he had no limits of shooting his arrows. “Have you ever tried something different for a change?”
“Like what?” you tried to get back your book. “Following your great example and dedicate my life to your favourite sport? Sorry, I have no interest in running after women by lolling my tongue out of my mouth.”
“Baby girl,” Baekhyun put your book in his leather bag. “You have no idea whose tongue lolls out of the mouth.”
You could not decide on what you hated the most. Baekhyun or the girls after Baekhyun? You concluded as both of them were equally horrible in your eyes.
“I am sure your stories are incredible.” you inhaled. “But I really do not like to hear the anecdotes of miserable women. Could you give the book back before I gauge your eyes off?”
“Nope.” he grinned. “I can bet on you are still a virgin but tell me if you have an affair or not, I would like to pay my condolences to your partner.”
He was already written as the first name in your list of most-hated-people, but suddenly became the first man to be written as the first enemy of a lifetime.
“Did you finish your own list of dead partners?” you raised one eyebrow. “Thinking of its length gives me chills.”
“No dead.” his grin widened from one ear to the other. “They just had some temporary heart problems due to the performances I gave to them.”
You opened your mouth to slap his face with the words, but the waitress came back to your table with a huge tray. She was placing every bowl and plate, actually fucking Baekhyun with her eyes, you literally hardly suppressed your instincts, telling you to warn her immediately.
But you were not honest with yourself about why you wanted to warn her. In the deep of your mind, but in very deep, you had been starting to realize that you disliked when the girls threw themselves to Baekhyun because you wanted them to stop. You did not like the scene because you did not want to share Baekhyun’s gaze with another person.
You were lying to yourself without realizing what was the real problem of you.
You loved Baekhyun from the beginning, even though he was a fucking tease and a bloody smartass. There was no other man for you, if someone could cut your chest, the only thing would be seen in your heart was his name.
But that would be the heaviest self-enlightenment, and you were definitely not ready for such as a thing. That’s why you unconsciously continued to trick yourself by disguising your own feelings from your own eyes.
You got the chopsticks and decided to have your lunch instead of burying yourself in the maze of thoughts. Baekhyun realized your discomfort, but he had no idea what the real reason of your mood was, whatever made you unhappy was more than okey for him. He could be happy as long as you were sorrowful.
“You still not give an answer to the question.” he was persistent on pushing your limits. “Do you have a relationship?”
“Why are you curious?” you took a mouthful amount of jjangmyeon. How much you wanted to stuff these noodle strings into his throat, suffocating him to death. “If you want to send a bouquet, please note that I love blue roses.”
“You are really a virgin, huh?” Baekhyun diabolically grinned, you could swear on you saw the red halo over his head.
“Darling, you cannot make me angry by stating what is obvious.” you smiled back, there was no reason holding it back, you were always open on these issues, and a sick part of you wanted to tell him to see his reaction. “Yeah, I am a virgin.”
“Do you conservatively follow a church?” his chin dropped a few inches. “How could it be possible with all the boys who try to seduce you?”
Well, you did not expect to hear this.
“Come on,” Baekhyun continued. “I always see you with a bunch of men, do you really think they are following you only for friendship?”
“On the contrary of you and your limit-does-not-exist type of libido, people can build the bonds of affinity.”
“Only when they do not search for an open door to sneak in.” Baekhyun pointed his chopsticks to your face. “Telling you, I can name at least six permanent names in the waiting room.”
You did not see the hidden meaning of his words, however, Baekhyun was already became regretful, he silently prayed for your ignorance and blindness were going to keep him safe. Because he gave you the biggest clue of his interest in you by stating he could give even names.
He still did not understand how he could know everything about you or why he always put a brick on the ways of the candidates for you, but he did. Hell, he was unapologetically finding a way to prevent the boys who liked you and no one could understand it was Baekhyun. He always came up with a solution in order to intimate them, put them back off. You were not aware but Baekhyun always appeared around you when he thought a candidate was close to you more than he supposed to be.
He already put his stamina on you as his girl, but he was not aware of his own actions. He was not aware of what he has been doing, how he was persistently looking for you, searching for your face in every class or harmoniously living with your voice. It was like your breathing was singing to his ears, and he was dancing with your melody.
Baekhyun did not understand but he was yours.
“I am not sure what you think,” you sipped from jasmine tea with self-confidence. “But there is no such a fucking waiting room.”
“You are really blind.” Baekhyun chewed a rice cake, generously dipping it into the gochujang sauce. “Don’t you think Oh Seunghwan is acting like more than a friend? Or Jang Jeongbun? Jesus, even you really cannot be that much idiot.”
Baekhyun was right for the first time in history. You were nothing more than a retard because you really did not understand the behind the scenes of his words. He was unconsciously giving you the signs of his interests in you, but you were so naïve to see.
“They are my friends, Baekhyun.” you rolled your eyes back. “I know grasping the nature of different relationships is hard for you, but people can be nothing but friends. No need to add tensions or searching for hidden meanings.”
Every time you vocalized his fucking name, Baekhyun felt its impact went straight to his dick, and he hated himself for that.
You were not the type of people who could be okey with the target of teasing. You wanted to play, you wanted to be enhanced by it, sinking into the waves of the game.
And even Baekhyun did not admit it in his head, he believed you were the most attractive girl he has been known because of you always corresponded to his moves and cards.
“How about you?” you immediately played your reverse card, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “I heard that you and your gorgeous looks which made entire school swoon and fantasize about you? Are you really called as the sexiest human being on the country?”
Your voice was the strongest indicator of your disbelief, he could be the biggest moron on planet Earth, nothing more nothing less.
Also, you were aware of those comments on Baekhyun more than you wished for. You kept everything you heard about him in your head, in the safest and the most secret file of your brain, refusing to think but keeping on unconsciously think about those speculations. You found them very suspicious, but not because of Baekhyun did not deserve to be called as the sexiest human being, you found those fantasies as unlikely because of Baekhyun had not that macho man stuff people were somehow attributing to him.
You had grown so sick from all of these dreams and comments, coming from every corner of school since Baekhyun was like a star.
And now, you had him seemed quite displeased with your tease.
“Only on the country?” he raised one eyebrow. “Shit, it seems I am not doing well.”
“Baby, you are coming after Park Chanyeol.” you sighed in joy of dancing on your tiptoes. “That’s a quite achievement, when you think.”
“Chanyeol?” he sighed in annoyance; you knew that you trapped his ego in a small box. “Coming after Chanyeol?”
“Yeah.” you gave the most nonchalant look to him. “Well, I can tell that’s quite unfair since Flower Boys includes really strong names such as Kyungsoo or Junmyeon but… Poor girls, they have to be lunatic to put you after Chanyeol.”
“What do you think about these extremely distorted images of us?” Baekhyun angrily took a mouthful of jjangmyeon.
“Do you ask my list?” you crossed your hands over your chest, cooing with gleamy eyes. “I cannot believe that Byun Baekhyun, asking me, a poor peasant, for her list.”
Baekhyun’s eyes darkening, and you were not sure why your mood was changed from the pure need of mocking him to an excitement which you could not ignore. His voice was really screechy and boyish when he asked your list, and his voice giving you a different kind of pleasure. Not the pleasure of scolding him, but the delight of toying him, pushing him to the edge.
But you did not analyse your current feelings, instead, you rushed to deliver your actually-not-existent list.
“We are talking about physical features, right? But I am going to rate everyone also with their characteristics.” you smiled. “For me, the first name is Chanyeol. I mean, look at that face he has, and his body ratio is excellent, but he has a golden heart. Then, of course Kyungsoo, he is fucking handsome, therefore, he is a great guy.”
“I really pity your tastes of men.” Baekhyun’s discontent with your made-up list was palpable, and the dissatisfaction of his tone was like honey left out in the morning sun.
“The number 3 is Junmyeon as always.” you wholly ignored his comment. “No one can say anything against to Kim Junmyeon, he is the definition of aesthetic. Minseok and Jongdae shared the same number in my list, and that’s all.”
“You forgot me.” Baekhyun snorted, his voice made you lifted your head. He was so tense; you never see his jaw clenched at this expand. What’s up his ass? you silently though in your head.
“I did not.” you were cool as a cucumber. “You are not in the list.”
Till now, you guys always ate each other, digging the graves for each other, always fighting always scolding always throwing invisible daggers to each other. However, you have never ever seen those dangerous lights, dancing in the pupils of Baekhyun after your words.
It was difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that you found this Baekhyun as more attractive than his usual-self and unfortunately you already found Baekhyun very desirable. Even though you would never even let yourself to think about being intimate with him, his eyes stirred something inside of you, ignited some fires close to your lower stomach.
“I am sorry to hear that.” you also never heard this cold voice tone of Baekhyun, and you heard almost every negative version of Baekhyun’s voice which he spared only to use against you. “Let’s finish the meals, we have to be back to work.”
“Yeah.” you nod, lightly smiled. You managed to make him mad, you achieved your goal to annoy him so bad.
Why did you feel bad?
Why did you want Baekhyun to continue on the game?
Why did you feel regretful?
Why did you want to cry?
When Baekhyun’s phone started to ring, you almost completed every house in the list Junmyeon gave to you.
And you spent the last two hours in a total silence. It was eerily, Baekhyun’s lips firmly presses into each other like he sworn on not to talk again. You were not so different, but inside of your mind, something was gnawing your inner peace.
You were not happy, even you coped with the most difficult task, shutting Baekhyun’s mouth.
But you were not happy. You did not feel like you got the prize.
Instead…
You were extremely sad, and you felt like you let the trophy to slid between your fingers.
You had to feel like you hit the jackpot, but quite opposite, you were miserable.
You were especially afraid of losing Baekhyun’s attention, your own heart was aching at the way you told him off.
Still, you were lying to yourself and trying to conceal what made you afraid, you were not honest to your conscious, however despite of your efforts, you knew something was wrong with you after his transformation after you showed him the door.
You were a coward; you were not accepting the solid fact that you were in love with Byun Baekhyun and what made you afraid was nothing but losing him.
However, you were also sure on Baekhyun had a place in your head, making you shutter, had you shaking in your shoes. You could not name where to put his name, but you knew he had a place in your life.
And you were horrified by the possibility of losing the chance of hearing his voice. Even if his cocky remarks were the only words you could rip from him.
“Yeah?” Baekhyun answered to the call, for a second, you were happy to hear his voice again, but he walked towards to the last house you had to visit without waiting for you. He did not do this, even in the beginning of the day. You took a deep breath, you did not know why the heck you were really sad for his sudden coldness, godfuckingdamnit didn’t you hate and always despise each other? You mentally slapped yourself to gather yourself up, but it was pointless, you rushed to catch him.
You were aware of there was a painful squeeze in your chest, but you could not understand the reason of its presence or how you could get rid of that.
“Junmyeon told us to retreat.” Baekhyun informed you without looking at you. “After this house, we have to run back to the meeting point.”
“Okey.” you nod, hated the meek voice tone you produced but your mind was not on the case, you were questioning your own feelings and firm beliefs about Baekhyun.
Baekhyun was not better, to be honest, he was worse than you.
When you nonchalantly told him he was not in your list, he wanted to puke everything he devoured during lunch even though tteokbokki was his favourite food. He wanted to punch himself on the face when you counted the members of your fucking list, he wanted to smack his head into the table.
Chanyeol? Kyungsoo? Damnit, even Junmyeon found his way to sneak into your list, but Baekhyun was not there.
He was always sure of he would be landed in every list, but he never think that being in your fucking list was the most important for him.
Why did he care if you were not seeing him as a man or not?
This question swirling in his head had his mind shattering.
As much as he was happy to see you wiggling like a worm under the fires, he could not control his reactions against the problem. When he saw you trembling over a case, he was the first one always popped out of nowhere to fix the problem in the darkness and never let you learn that it was him. He did not let even Junmyeon to help you, putting aside Chanyeol or Kyungsoo.
Baekhyun was the one who had been saving your ass like he was your invisible rescue call.
But you did not name him in your fucking list.
It drove him into crazy. The lack of your attention. He never mean that alerting you on his helps or care for you, but at the same time, he never think that his efforts would be equal to nothing.
He hated himself as much he hated you.
While you were walking back to the meeting point, both of you were lost in your own darkest thoughts. You were carefully paying the attention in order to not to have immersed each other, however both of you wanted nothing but screaming to each other, enough to have the fiercest fight till now.
You wanted to lose yourself in Baekhyun just like he was dying to bury himself into you for his dear life. However, both of you were very good at muting the voices of your hearts and minds.
“Indy! Baekhyun!” you heard Minseok, turning to his voice. “It is going to be a blizzard; we have to find a shelter.”
“Ha?”
“The forecast was clear as fuck.” Chanyeol pointed Junmyeon who was glued to his phone. “Jun is looking for a hotel for us since we could not go back.”
“We can take the cabs?” you were puzzled, a blizzard would be bad, but it did not mean that you had to spend the night here. “I mean, we are not living in a different city.”
“Yeah, you are right.” Shinhye crossed her arms over her shoulders, trying to keep herself warm. You had to admit, although you did not feel it till now, the weather was really cold. “But the cab drivers refused to drive into the city center. They advised us to stay here.”
“How about using metro?” you asked. “It is not so hard.”
“If you want,” Junmyeon hissed at you, holding the phone over his shoulder for a second. “You can try your chance, Indy. However, we are going to spend the night here. Safe and warm.”
“He is right.” Kyungsoo smiled at you. “I prefer to be warm and dry, sorry.”
You took a look at the team, and everyone was approving Kyungsoo’s words like they were bloody zealots.
“Okey, dumbasses.” you sighed in annoyance. “But we do not have even fucking pyjamas.”
“You can always take your clothes off.” Chanyeol winked at you. “Who says you need a pair of pyjamas to sleep?”
“Shut the fuck up, Chanyeol.” a sudden blush spread over your cheekbones, Chanyeol could not help but burst into laughs.
Baekhyun was determined to ignore you, but he could not help himself.
“Yeah, number one.” he muttered between his teeth, enough to be heard only by you. “Golden heart.”
Your chin was dropped for a few inches after hearing his annoyed voice tone and vindictive comment.
Could it be the reason of his unexpected coldness?
Could he be jealous of your invalid expressions and your fake list?
No way.
He could not be.
Your heart skipped the order of beats.
“Okey,” Junmyeon interrupted your thoughts. “We are going, if we are lucky, we will be in the hotel before the bloody snow will sweep down on us.”
“Let’s go!” Shinhye grabbed your hand, dragging you beside of herself. You submissively followed her footsteps; however, your mind was distracted by Baekhyun’s last words.
Could it be?
“This is heaven.” Jongdae rubbed his tummy. “Thank you, Jun!”
“No problem.” Junmyeon smiled and looked at all of you, to be honest, after a really good and delicious dinner, everyone was knocked out over the table.
Except you and Baekhyun.
“If you want you can go to your rooms.” Junmyeon said. “Since we were fortunate to find a single room for each of us, I do not think we have to play rock-paper-scissor.”
“Ah, having a room for myself.” Minseok laughed. “I do not have to hear your snorts, Junmyeon.”
They were sharing the same flat, everyone laughed after his teasing, Junmyeon too.
“Look who is talking.” he beamed. “I am so happy that I am going to have one night without your damn showering rituals.”
“Tell us about it.” Jongdae whined. “Pleeeassse.”
While Junmyeon and Minseok had been giving details of their flatmate stories to the team, making everyone to enjoy the environment, you were deeply sink into the pool of thoughts.
What a day, you thought. And why I feel like I am desperate?
Also, Baekhyun was not enjoying the unexpected banquet, instead he was quite enough to draw attention to himself. Chanyeol was on the verge of asking what the heck was wrong with him, but Kyungsoo kicked him under the table, pointed you with his eyes. Chanyeol’s wit quickly grabbed the matter, and he devilishly grinned.
You gave a hard day to Baekhyun, and he had no intention to change a thing between you and Baekhyun.
He always believed that you were secretly liking each other, but as you were nothing but stubborn bastards, you concealed your feelings towards each other.
Chanyeol definitely had zero motive to interrupt the fight between you, if it meant you would understand your mutual feelings.
Junmyeon also sensed the tension between you and Baekhyun, but he was not the type of persons who could wait on his corner.
“Baekhyun? Baekhyun!” Junmyeon called out him, waking him up. “How was your day? Why you guys are silent as dead?”
“We completed the task.” Baekhyun answered sourly, the corner of his mouth jumping downwards faintly. ��As you assigned me and her.”
Baekhyun deliberately avoided using the pronoun of us.
“And it was a hell of task.” he continued. “I am so tired.”
“Even if you are fucking tired,” Jongdae raised a rejection. “You never shut your mouth, tell us what the heck is gnawing you?”
The bloody girl who sits next to you, Baekhyun thought but he was clever enough to keep the filter between his mouth and brain as valid.
“The girl I gave a promise for this night.” he forced himself to beam. “Because of this fucking weather, I have to arrange another meeting with her.”
Your heart churned, his reply had you wanting to slap your face. Harshly.
And you thought that he could be jealous because you named Chanyeol!
You were nothing but such an idiot.
An idiot who did not know a single piece of shit but acting so superior.
You were a goddamn idiot.
Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed after hearing Baekhyun’s shitty words, Kyungsoo wanted to punch Baekhyun’s face so bad, Junmyeon’s dislike of Baekhyun was obvious but he did not say anything, just sighed in desperation.
You felt nothing but another flash of pain as someone hit your abdomen.
“Are you okey, Indy?” Jongdae leaned over to you, whispering. You shook your head positively, smiling slightly. “You did not throw yourself into even desert.”
Your love for deserts was not a secret amongst your friends as Shinhye, sharing Jongdae’s concerns, handed you a bunch of cloudy puffs, filled with lemon cream. You took one of them, although you had no appetite, you forced yourself to eat the puff in order to put your friends at ease.
He was your biggest enemy and rival, right?
Why you were so devastated, almost on the verge of being hysterical?
You were not aware of you had been hypocritical with your feelings, and you were running away from your own heart. That’s why your hands were shaking, your heart was drumming into your ribs and aching as hell.
You were not ready to face with your heart, but you were also too naïve to save yourself from the pain it caused.
“Was he really harsh on you?” Jongdae murmured, his eyes was nothing but full of worries. “I am sure you could put him in his place but still…”
“He was not.” you said. “And you know me, nothing cheers me up but kicking his ass.”
“Glad to hear that.” Jongdae inhaled but the worries did not leave his face. “So why are you so down?”
“I am really tired today.” you sighed, tucking another puff into your mouth as you mentally punched your face in order to take the fucking control of yourself. “But if I will eat enough amount of these pastries, I will be like a bomb.”
“You are already like a bomb.” Minseok joined into the chat. “You look like on the verge of exploding.”
You unwillingly laughed at his damn right assumption.
“You know what?” you sniffed. “I am dying for a good drink. Would like to join me for a soju break?”
There was no single soul who could oppose to propose of grab a drink in your team. Jongdae jumped out of his chair, Shinhye was born ready and Minseok was the strongest drunkard.
“We are heading to the bar.” Minseok happily announced. “If you guys want to join, perfect, if not, good night to all.”
You were always impressed by the eagerness of Sejong Team to jump into any opportunity for a drink. Everyone, every single soul of this team, had a strong will to consume a respectable amount of alcohol. Less than a minute, everyone gathered up and headed to the elevators in order to visit the terrace of the hotel.
You had been wondering how rich Junmyeon was, even though he was a senior in college, or which kind of relations he had under his belt.
Jesus, you could not pay your attention during the dinner, however the hotel you had been staying was nothing but a touch of luxury. You had a strong guess on the payment bill of this place, however you preferred to keep it to yourself as you knew that Junmyeon did not like talking about the wealth lies beneath his fingertips.
But the bar was intimating.
Minseok, Jongdae and Kyungsoo were having a fierce conversation about the administrative offices of Roman Empire, Shinhye were with Junmyeon as they were talking on the next project that they aimed to present for the Head of Department. Chanyeol, only God knew how the heck he found that, was playing a guitar and you, as dwelling in an extremely comfortable armchair, tucked yourself into a blanket like a sushi roll, were enjoying the sudden calmness around yourself. The dim lights, from the chandeliers dangling from the ceiling, casting mirages across the hall, showing the wooden tables scattered between the chairs and beautiful, fresh cut flowers in their elegant vases.
It is not Korean but Chinese or Japanese, you thought, however with your bad eyesight, making an observation about the porcelain and its design was impossible. Also, you were a little bit slothful at the very moment to move your butt, you wanted to indulge in the soju you were holding, not anything else.
You felt a hand on your shoulder, warm but unfamiliar, your head jerked to face the owner of touch.
Baekhyun was looking at you, however his eyes were different from his usual self. There was no intention to mock with you, his eyes were clear as the snow drops that covering the streets right now.
“May I sit?” Baekhyun asked to you, catching you off guard with an unexpected kindness. You nod, feeling a sudden increase of the level of excitement, but kept your mouth shut. “Thank you.”
Thanking you? Byun Baekhyun?
You perked up, starting to prepare yourself for the fight, despite of the considerable amount of soju flowing in your veins, you were ready to guard yourself.
His elbow brushed your forearm when he was rolling his body in order to adjust the chair next to you.
You were shocked by the reaction your body gave to the moment, the only thing he did was sitting on a fucking chair, but your cheekbones were on fire.
His hips, damn his hips your inner voice was hysterically whispering in your head.
“May I ask to which muse I owe this honour?” you searched Baekhyun’s eyes for a glint of dismissiveness, however this was the very first time you have been the target of sincere, chocolate brown and deep irises.
“I have a question for you.” Baekhyun quickly ignored your offensive joke. “Why I am not in your list?”
He may as well have tossed you inside of a volcano, kicking you into the pool of lava, the impact would be the same. Your heart prompted to your stomach, they churned together, your throat and lungs tightened so bad, enough to cut your air by yourself.
You open your mouth, but nothing come out, just a bubble.
“I do not know how to translate that.” he sneered however you were at a loss. You could expect a lot of words from Byun Baekhyun but questioning the reason of his absence in your fucking list was not one of them.
“There is—” you bite your lower lip to stop yourself, you were on the verge of confessing that there was no list, you just tried to poke his ego, but thank God, you still had a piece of sanity to hold on. “I do not understand. Why do you care my list?”
Do I look like I fucking know? Baekhyun wanted to shake your cage, he wished nothing but screaming at you with all power he had in his lungs. He had no idea why he was mad at you, but he was out of rage and the only reason was you.
“Because I am curious.” he leaned his elbows onto his knees, cocking one eyebrow to you. “And what I hate most is being ignorant to a case.”
“I know.” you spoke without thinking, your mind was delving into the current problem you had in order to find a balanced answer, so you did not realize what you exactly said.
Unfortunately for you, Byun Baekhyun did not become your biggest rival by being blind or deaf.
His lips slightly curled upwards.
But the gentleman he could be, he did not corner you for the time being.
“So?”
It did not mean he would not try to push you in order to get what he wanted.
“Is there a rule saying that every human being has to be interested in you?”
You were not aware of it, but your voice was cracking, and your breathing became heavier, quickened and there was a sheen of sweet on your forehead.
To your dismay, Byun Baekhyun did not unconsciously mark you as his girl without studying you to the bits.
“Humanity is a different topic.” he widely smiled. “I wonder about you, sweetheart.”
Your breath stuck in your lungs because of the endearment, even though you were aware of his teasing of you.
“You are not my type, Byun.” you dead serious.
“Ah, your type is Chanyeol, right?” he smirked, turning his head to the tall brunette who indulged himself into the guitar. “Should we alert him to your interest in him?”
“Goddamn, no!” you hissed at him. What kind of trouble he was aiming to knit on your head? “Do you know the definition of privacy? You are invading personal boundaries, dumbass.”
“I do not think so.” Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder. “If you like Chanyeol, Chanyeol has the right of be aware of your interest.”
“Okey, even a scoundrel like you cannot be crossing the limit of respect like this.” you moved to stand up, giving the most dangerous look to Baekhyun. “I do not have to lis-
“Hey, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun called him with a high-pitched voice. Chanyeol lifted his head, distracted by the unexpected scream of Baekhyun.
“What?”
“Nothing!” your hand immediately tugged onto Baekhyun’s knee, squeezing it tightly in order to warn him. “You are playing so good, keep going!”
Chanyeol laughed at your words.
“You do not have to scream like that, Goddamnit.”
“Tell it to your friend.” you rolled your eyes back, fuming with anger but covering your face pretty well. You turned to Baekhyun, your eyes telling him that he was in serious danger if he was not going to shut his fucking mouth up.
Baekhyun did not care your silent warning, but your hand on his knee was a real distraction for him.
“I know that he is not your type.” he murmured, watching your hand, small, pale, and soft, Baekhyun did not want to confess but he wanted to latch your fingers to his. “Is it Kyungsoo?”
“Do I interrogate your preferences of girls, damn?” you literally gritted between your teeth. “Leave it.”
“I have no intention.” Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo, narrowing his eyes. “Let’s ask if you are Kyungsoo’s type.”
“What the fuck are you, cupid?!” you grunted, and your hands moved without your consent. You grasped Baekhyun’s jawline, your fingertips were brushing his ears. “I said, leave it.”
“If you want to shut my mouth,” Baekhyun beamed, ignoring the fact that your touch meant for a lot than he could expect, he was going to think about it later. “Tell me why I am not in your list.”
“No one can desire someone like you!” you exploded. “An arrogant, dandy, selfish boy who does not know nothing but bringing trouble to others. That’s why you can never be in my list, even I have to choose between you and an octopus. For the records, I hate octopus, but I would go for it, if it means the other option is you.”
“Oh, you hurt me.” Baekhyun’s eyes glimmered with the sparks of unnamed feelings. He leaned forward, enough you to feel his breath fanning your lips. “You know what, sweetheart? You are so aggressive only when you have a secret which have to stay only in your head.”
“W-what?”
“I am definitely in that list.” Baekhyun claimed it with confidence, but it was just the appearance. Inside him, his heart was definitely shuttering, cracking into pieces, he had no control over himself, he could not understand his sudden behaviours. “I am in your list, if there is a list.”
Your eyes widened, and pupils blown up.
“Jesus.” you snorted. “When you lost your fucking mind?”
“You are a pretty bad liar.” Baekhyun was making assumptions out of his ass in order to get a reaction from you, he was not fucking sure if he was in the list or not, but everything he said actually rang the true bells.
“And you are a lunatic.” your intense eyes pinned him down, and the frowning lips caught your attention, but you forced to came back to your senses as soon as possible. “You will never be anything more than a lunatic.”
You attempted to stand up, but he was incredibly swift to catch your wrist, pressing you back to the armchair.
“Tell me, sweetheart.” he held your wrist for his dear life, caging you and to your disappointment, coming closer to your face, causing your ability of speaking to be faded immediately.
His godfuckingdamnit lips.
“You have been having doubts on me since the day we met, your driving force is giving me hard time.” his breathing was fanning your cheekbones. "Confess now, why are you pissed at me all the time?”
“Hell, you do talk like you are so different. Aren’t you the one who always finds a way to be trouble for me?” you raised one eyebrow, letting him to realize the game was reserved for two people. “If it means liking someone, since when you have been fallen in love over heels with me?”
“You have no idea how much I want to place your heels over my shoulders.”
Your chin was dropped, his words had you turning into a mummy who was trying to register into his remarkable sentence without a single brain cell.
You had to come up with the best answer you could give. You had to find the best response to him, and it had to be a perfect balance of sharpness, cockiness, and matureness as it had to be said with the resting bitch face.
And you heard your own voice.
“Ha?”
“You heard what I said.” Baekhyun intensively gazed at you, the proximity between your bodies had your body quivering and trembling at the same time and his fucking knee slightly, almost insensibly pushed your legs apart.
“You are really nonsensical, Baekhyun.” you inhaled, doing your best in order to ignore all the jolts all over your body, numbing your mind but also setting the skin on fire. Every time you said his name, Baekhyun felt something turning in his lower stomach. “What the fuck you want from me?”
“You did not name me in your list.” You could not believe your fucking eyes, more importantly, you could not believe you were still listening his gibberish like a kindergarten kiddo. “But, I am better than everyone else here.”
His voice dropped the slightest, making you shiver.
“Would you like me to prove it to you?”
#baekhyun#baekhyun fluff#baekhyun x reader#baekhyun smut#baekhyun fic#baekhyun fanfic#baekhyun exo#exo baekhyun#byun baekhyun#byun bacon#baekhyun angst#exo fanfiction#exo fic#exo scenarios#exo smut#exo fanfic#exo x reader#exo x you#exo x y/n
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tips for classics majors
from a second-year classics major. i’ve acquired these tips from my seven years of being a latin student and one year of ancient greek.
this post can be helpful for classics majors or people interested in self-teaching the classics. my concentration within my major is language and literature, so my tips will revolve around latin and greek. but if you’re studying any other ancient or modern language, my tips may still apply to you :)
~ make word associations. this is a BIG one. there are many nuances to this tip, so to start, i’ll explain why associations are useful, and then i’ll give several examples with different variations to cover the nuances.
since many english words, prefixes, and suffixes are derived from both latin and greek, take the time to figure out one or two english words that come from each new word you learn - these can either be normal everyday english words or pop culture references. (also, latin is semi-derived from greek, so you can make associations between the two languages as well). if you learn any kind of word association, it will make remembering the word so much easier.
examples:
pop culture: pane, which means bread in latin, is related to The Hunger Game’s city of Panem (panem is the accusative singular of pane). food insecurity is a big theme in The Hunger Games, therefore Panem is an appropriate name for the city that the series takes place in.
latin/greek to english: in latin, vicina is an adjective meaning “close, neighboring,” and its english derivative is “vicinity.” in greek, παιδευω means “i teach” and its english derivative is “pedagogy” - aka “a method/practice of teaching.” κριτης means “judge” and its english derivatives are “critic, criticize” and “critical.”
greek to latin to greek: sometimes it’s tricky to find out which word came from which language first, but usually it’s greek to latin. example: dea (“goddess” in latin) comes from θεα in greek.
think of those word associations as you learn your ancient language vocab. it will make recalling a word’s meaning so much easier.
anD DON’T FORGET TO LEARN THE GENDER AND THE GENITIVE SINGULAR OF EACH NOUN YOU LEARN BECAUSE IT HELPS WHEN DECLINING THE NOUN AND MATCHING IT UP WITH ADJECTIVES LATER ON OH MY GOD thiS IS SO IMPORTANT
~ make a concentrated effort to remember lots of different sentence constructions. there are so many i literally don’t remember them all and i’ve been doing this for years. the major categories i can think of off the top of my head are subordinate clauses, conditionals, and indirect discourse, and, more generally, learn the difference between the primary and secondary verb tenses.
~ every so often, brush up on as much grammar and vocab as you can. i’m saying this because i’ve procrastinated reviewing greek all summer and i barely remember anything beyond the basics :/ pls don’t tell my professor.
~ learn authors’ common themes and literary/rhetorical devices. for example: in the elegies of propertius, a roman poet, he used emptiness and unfulfilled wishes as motifs. learning words associated with emptiness and learning how to recognize the introduction of a wish made translating faster. i’ll confess though that i never really brushed up on the use of the optative subjunctive (the device used in wish statements), so i couldn’t recognize how exactly to translate certain sentence constructions. if i did review, it would have made translating in class a breeze. but hey, it was my first semester in college and i had no idea what i was doing at that level. please learn from my mistake!
~ learn the political, cultural, and historical context of each piece of literature you read. it will make the experience richer. if you know the context of a fiction piece, whether its poetry or prose, you will understand so much more about it. for example: the aeneid, vergil’s masterpiece (and arguably one of the best works in latin literature), is an ode to augustus. augustus commissioned vergil to write the aeneid and to make comparisons between himself and the protagonist aeneas. he wanted people to see him like they saw aeneas - kind, pious, loyal, determined, and in charge. knowing that bit of information makes many parts of the aeneid clearer. you can apply this tip to any piece of literature, no matter the language.
this is also important in terms of non-fiction writing. i took a class on roman letter writers and i would’ve been completely lost if my professor didn’t share anything historical with us. these letter writers typically vaguely referenced local gossip because messengers often read letters that were meant only for the recipient’s eyes. my professor filled in a lot of what was missing from the letters themselves.
~ have fun with it. learning languages is supposed to be fun!! of course languages enrich your mind and bring you into close contact with other cultures and ways of life, but it is supposed to be fun too. example: propertius once wrote a whole poem about knocking on his lover Cynthia’s closed door while she sat inside... and the door was a metaphor for her vagina.... which means propertius was h0rny on main!! and he published that in a poem!!1! for people all over rome to read!!!!
in terms of plays, my friend read one in latin by plautus about a prostitute who subverts the traditional roles associated with customer-prostitute relationships. he absolutely loved it bc the main character was a bad b!tch... and bc it was a comedic play.
there are lots of metaphors and jokes written within latin and greek literature, so don’t be afraid to laugh :) it makes learning that much more enjoyable
~ when reading a work of literature, ask yourself what this reveals about the author’s culture. (suicide tw: mentions of su*cide as a plot point in tragedy) this tip is kinda related to the cultural context one, but different in that it looks for culture within literature, rather than looking at literature as a product of culture. and like the previous tip, you can apply this to any piece of literature no matter the language it is in. it’s important to think deeply a piece of literature as well as enjoy it for what it is. example: i’ve read most of sophocles’ plays and i can tell you that the greeks were very comfortable with suicide as a plot point. while murder is also common, suicide is much more common no matter the tragedy. the fact that this theme occurs throughout so many plays tells me that greeks viewed suicide as a tragic occurrence that affects people deeply, but also as a common way to die. it raises questions: what percentage of deaths were attributed to suicide in ancient greece? was it viewed as honorable or shameful? etc.
and going back to vergil yet again (he’s my homeboy fr), when writing about dido and her people building the city of carthage, he specifically mentions that they are building the theaters first before almost any other building - and these few lines implicitly state that the arts were very important to carthage’s culture as a whole.
~ to sum it up: as a classics major, if you are intentional about learning the languages and truly engaged with the literature, the process will be that much more fun and you will gain that much more out of it. (<- and that sentence has a future-more-vivid construction by the way hehe)
#dark academia#classics#college#tips#study tips#language tips#latin#Greek#college advice#language advice#latin tips#greek tips#literature
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vincenzo & the godfather
okay okay so from someone who has watched/rewatched The Godfather multiple times for the past seven years, it is very easy to see why I loved Vincenzo so much. The Godfather has been my favorite movie ever since I watched it, so now Vincenzo is my favorite kdrama. because I literally cannot shut up about how much Park Jae-Bum drew from it, I will proceed to just write meta about this gd show. warning for an incredibly long post, where I’ve bolded the most direct parallels. listen to this while you read it.
What is The Godfather?
Well, the IMDB summary says this:
An organized crime dynasty's aging patriarch transfers control of his clandestine empire to his reluctant son.
Which is pretty accurate. It’s a modern Greek tragedy about the son, Michael Corleone: we see his descent from a kind-hearted veteran who wants nothing to do with the family business to becoming a corrupt, cold-hearted businessman for the sake of his family and his family’s legacy. After his father, Vito, is nearly killed, a series of events leads Michael to become the new Don.
Now the main characters are:
Michael Corleone - the youngest son
Vito Corleone - the Don, or in Vincenzo terms, the Capo (both refer to the Godfather/the boss)
Sonny Corleone - the oldest son (very brash + impulsive, which is why Vito doesn’t want to hand power to him)
Fredo Corleone - the middle son (seemingly sweet + clueless, the least business-like, which is why he never gets involved in any family business)
Tom Hagen - the consigliere
The Consigliere
The first incredibly impressive characterization Vincenzo gets right is the consigliere’s ruthlessness. In the first two Godfather movies, Tom Hagen:
Cuts off the prized horse’s head to convince a man to sign a document (yes, that famous horse head scene)
Orchestrates the assassination of the head of another family and a police officer under his payroll
Convinces someone to commit suicide by indirectly threatening his family
Not only that, but Tom Hagen himself is an orphaned Irish boy, adopted into an Italian Mafia family. He’s an adopted foreigner groomed to become the capo’s/don’s right-hand-man as the consigliere.
In the first movie, Sonny (the oldest son) is angry after his father’s attack and wants to strike back at the other family who ordered the hit immediately. Because Tom is a lawyer and has advised Vito for years now, he advises Sonny not to act so impulsively. In response, Sonny yells, “Will you just do what I tell you to do? Goddamn it, if I had a wartime consigliere, a Sicilian, I wouldn’t be in this shape!” There’s a moment when Sonny cools down, tries to backtrack what he says, before apologizing. Tom isn’t having it.
Now watch Vincenzo battle racism and an impulsive, brash, violent brother. He is a lawyer, yes, but that’s most likely what they groomed him to be after he turned to the Mafia to torture and kill his foster parents’ murderer. It probably wasn’t his choice, much like it probably wasn’t Tom’s choice, to become consigliere: it was just the only option they knew, to give back to the Family that took them in. It was for their survival in a world where they’re outnumbered and ostracized for their race, and their advice (Vincenzo criticizing Paolo for killing women and children vs. Tom criticizing Sonny’s impulsiveness) is ignored by those who still see them as outsiders, even after the Don/Capo accepted them into their families.
The New Don
OKAY SO. I didn’t think Park Jae-Bum would go ALL out on the Godfather references - I thought it would end with the first episode/how they built Vincenzo’s character to become a direct mirror to how Tom Hagen was a foreigner adopted into the family. But the conversation with Park Seok-Do to get Vincenzo to call him hyung, Seok-Do calling him Michael Corleone, and the Godfather theme playing in the background - made me go absolutely insane.
So here’s the deal about Michael. First, Michael before his father’s attempted assassination:
Is a sweet, patriotic boy who just came back from the war (WWII)
Has a girlfriend named Kay who he promises he won’t get involved with the family business
The Lighter
Then his father almost dies, and Michael is pulled into the business. He protects his father when he’s healing in the hospital against hired guns from a rival family. There’s an excellent scene analysis on Youtube (1:15) about how just one simple two second frame shows that while one of his father’s friends nervous, and yet Michael — who has, arguably, fought in a war — isn’t nervous at all, which foreshadows his level-headedness and cold cruelty when he becomes the new Don. How, you ask, do we know? WELL.
The hired bodyguard can’t seem to ignite his lighter because of his nervousness. Michael, calm and collected, takes the lighter and ignites it from him.
*distant screaming*
Vincenzo’s lighter has always been his go-to tool to calm him down, to collect himself, to prepare for war. It’s the sound that makes him think. It’s poetic that it’s also Michael’s way of telling the audience that he is ready for a war between Mafia families.
The Lovelife
So after protecting his father, Tom Hagen and Sonny are discussing how to deal with the rival family. Michael himself volunteers to murder them by shooting them at point-blank range at a restaurant. He then flees the country, after taking care of his father’s business, much like how Vincenzo leaves Italy after Fabio’s death. Michael goes to Sicily, where his father was born, while Vincenzo returns to Korea.
In Sicily, Michael falls in love and gets married to a Sicilian woman named Apollonia. Like Michael, Vincenzo returns to his roots and falls in love with a woman who supports his position as a part of a Mafia Family and accepts him. (Side note, Michael’s marriage is problematic in and of itself, he literally didn’t say a word to Kay about anything, but anyway)
However, back home, there are problems in the family: Sonny is brash and arrogant, and gets killed by the rival family. Just when Michael is informed and asked to come home, Apollonia is also killed in a car bomb. You can imagine why I was concerned for Chayoung’s life at one point of the series before I realized Park Jae-Bum was too good for that.
But here’s where Vincenzo diverges from Michael, and what makes Chayoung superior to Apollonia and Kay’s characters.
Michael goes home a changed person. Apollonia’s and his brother’s deaths are the final nails in the coffin for him: there’s no going back and not taking part in the family business. He is the only option to become the new Don. When he gets back, he gives Kay empty promises about becoming the new Don to make his father’s empire clean and stop the corruption. She believes him and agrees to marry him.
Famously, the last scene of the first movie is Michael being crowned the new Don (people kissing his hand and asking for his favor) as Kay watches from the other room before the door closes in her face. His favorite line to Kay is, “Don’t ask me about my business.” (This scene always gives me chills!!!)
While Michael starts off kind-hearted and open, someone who sees his family’s business as corrupt and unapproachable, Vincenzo is already a hybrid of Michael and Tom when we meet him. It is, as SJK said in his recent interview, an opening and softening of his character: the complete opposite of Michael’s character development.
Apollonia barely has three lines in the movie and barely has any role but to be the woman Michael falls in love with and to represent the idea of him staying in Sicily and not moving back to take over the family. She is an ideal Sicilian wife who understands how the family business works. His American girlfriend Kay, on the other hand, can never accept this Sicilian part of Michael. He shuts the door on her and never lets her in on anything that he’s doing, and eventually, Kay wants no part in the marriage, either.
Chayoung is stronger than Apollonia in that she takes the center stage of Vincenzo’s masterplan. She is allowed more agency and access into Vincenzo’s world than Kay is into Michael’s world, because Vincenzo considers her his partner, while Michael considered Kay to be his subordinate.
The fact that Vincenzo begins as post-Sicily Michael makes the show so satisfying to watch if you’ve seen The Godfather. Vincenzo is a story where a woman gains power and respect from her Mafia partner, and a man forced into violence and ruthlessness finds someone who accepts that part of him wholeheartedly. The Godfather ultimately ends in heartbreak and tragedy, but Vincenzo’s ending is hopeful and fulfilling for both of our main leads. They have an accepting, powerful love that Michael does not have with anyone.
Betrayals by Brothers
Last one (for now)! In the second movie, Fredo betrays Michael to a rival business partner, which almost leads to his assassination. When he finds out it was him, Michael keeps him alive until their mother passes away before ordering his men to kill him. (Also by now Michael and Kay have two children who are close with Fredo so like rip childhood trauma when your father murders your uncle ahahahahah)
SO ANYWAY this part has haunted me for days. When Paolo betrays Vincenzo the second time, why doesn’t he kill him? Is he waiting for Fabio’s wife to pass away? Does Fabio even have a wife? Did Vincenzo respect her as he respected Fabio? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
Or maybe it’s because he’s different from Michael: the second movie confirmed that Michael has become so cold-hearted that he doesn’t think of his family when he makes decisions, whether that’s killing his own brother or divorcing Kay. For Vincenzo, family is the most important thing in the world. For Michael, the Corleone family becomes just a business to run.
In other words, it goes to show that Vincenzo’s worst self-deprecating thought — that villains don’t deserve to love, because love is just an asset to them — is proven wrong for him through his love for Chayoung, the Geumga Plaza Family, and even the Cassano Family, while it is proven right for Michael.
OKAY that’s it for now. Thanks for listening. Literally if you have any questions about the Godfather let me know because I could talk about it for hours.
#vincenzo#i did it#vincenzo vs. the godfather#my goodness#i think this is my longest piece of meta ever#lena writes#chayenzo
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Lol, all the new info about the solangelo and delix kids made me want to have a fic just about them. So I was wondering if that would be possible? xD
Hello, Anon!
I know it has been forever since you sent this prompt, but it wasn't forgotten!
I hope this is worth the wait
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The Kids
· Because Solangelo and Delix both set down in California, Solangelo in New Rome and Delix stays in Northern California; they see each other a lot, as do their kids.
· The fact that Michael and Lee (Nico and Will's twins) and Mason (Felix and Dean's son) are a little more than a year apart just added to their drive to get together as a family. The kids could entertain each other, and they always got along well. The twins were challenging to entertain when they were little, so this is a big deal.
· Will and Dean always figured the three of them would always get along because, well, that was how they were, but Nico and Felix had their doubts. They figured that as the three got older and if (when) the twins started showing their demigod powers that they would drift.
· Nico and Felix turned out to be completely wrong, and the three just got closer as they got older.
· You would think, since Mason is the oldest of the three, he would take on the leadership role in the group, but that isn't how it works out. Mason is a pretty even-keeled kid. He definitely got Dean's tendency to want to put his head down and do his work. He can and does take the leadership role during team things like sports but not when the twins are involved.
· The twins are a damn handful from the moment they are born, and they never really change. Both of them are outgoing in their own ways. Lee is more competitive and will jump at the opportunity to take on a challenge, while Michael is more social- he can (and will) start a conversation with pretty much anyone he meets. The two are also a perfect storm of trouble because Michael will come up with an idea like they should buy fake ids and sneak into a club, and Lee will view it as a challenge, so he wants to do it, and they will absolutely find a way to talk Mason into joining them. Mason definitely tries his hardest to keep them out of trouble and manages to be at least somewhat successful sixty-five percent of the time.
· The twins love showing up at Mason's mortal school events, so even though they do not go there, most of Mason's classmates recognize them. They are also pretty much honorary members of Mason's lacrosse team. While Mason gives them shit for being menaces, he really likes when they show up, it definitely stops things from getting boring.
· Mason visits New Roman as well, even though not as much because going to New Roman can be a process as a mortal going to New Roman. Still, he has teamed up with the twins and a few of the other children of the seven around their age to case a little harmless trouble on the weekend.
· Btw, Dean has had several conversations with a teenage Mason about precisely what to do if he finds himself being hit on by a horny god (with very specific things to say to Apollo or Dionysus). Mason considers these the most embarrassing conversations he has ever had with his days. It's bad enough that his middle-aged dads still act like teenagers half the time and CAN'T keep their hands off each other. He doesn't want to hear about how Greek gods had tried to bone them back in the day. Grandpa Solace jumping in with "Just remember, Apollo isn't nearly as good in bed as he claims, and you can take my word for it" doesn't help with the awkwardness. He would rather have to go through the birds and bees talk a million times over.
· All three of these boys are NOT STRAIGHT. Michael is gay, while both Lee and Mason are bisexual. It's hard to say that Michael or Lee "came out" because it happened so organically. There was no sit everyone down and tell them moment. Instead, it was just "I LIKE like that boy" or "that boy is really cute" when they were like twelve. Mason takes FOREVER to admit this to himself and even longer to admit it to anyone else. Michael and Lee KNOW way before Mason admits to anything, and neither of them lets him hid from it. Lee tries the comforting approach hoping Mason will admit it while Michael goes more the exposure therapy route- he'll point out cute guys and ask what Mason thinks. He tricked Mason into going to a few gay events without Mason knowing until it was too late to back out.
· FYI, Mason comes out to Lee first, but only because they get into a fight because Lee is flirting with a boy; Mason secretly has a massive crush on (or at least he thinks it's a secret, but everyone can tell). Michael is solidly pissed about this for months, but that doesn't stop him from trying to play matchmaker.
Dribble:
The rain had stopped, and Mason supposed he should have been happy about that, but the lingering sense of tension and danger made it hard to appreciate. He, Michael, and Lee had already walked one block north of Gypsy Bar, and Mason was hoping as they put even more distance between themselves and the bar that sense of unease would dissipate at least a little.
They had been walking in silence for several minutes. That was a rare thing, and Mason hoped it meant that it was one of those rare occasions that his cousins were thinking about how horrible their idea had been, but Lee killed that hope the moment he opened his mouth.
"Well, we had to try," Lee declared.
Mason looked over and up because, of course, Lee was at least three inches taller than him. That would have been more annoying if Mason was at all insecure about his height, but at six foot he was comfortable. Also, he had a couple of inches on Michael, which helped.
Lee's hair looked practically white instead of its usual light blonde under the street lights' harsh glare, and his complexion seemed extra fair. Even his freckles were lost in the artificial light. Not surprisingly, there wasn't a single sign of worry on his face.
Maybe if Mason had Greek god powers, he would have been relaxed too, but he didn't. That call for adventure that Lee and Michael had just seemed like asking for trouble to Mason, the mere mortal. "Not with the worse fake IDs in history," Mason pointed out yet again.
"They were not that bad!" Michael was quick to defend.
This was not the first time Mason had heard that, and it didn't make it any less ridiculous. One of Michael and Lee's dads was literally a doctor that could heal people by touching them. There was no fucking excuse for their inability to see what was right in front of them. Why Michael had even bought the IDs, having seen them, Mason would never understand.
"They looked like they were hand-drawn by a preschool," Mason pointed out, "And the names were ridiculous."
"Pictures didn't look much like us," Lee agreed.
Michael let out a long, loud sigh, pushed a dark strand of hair that had fallen out of his ponytail and into his eye line, and tucked it behind his ear. While Lee looked like the stereotypical California surfer dude, Michael almost looked Mediterranean. He had light brown hair that he had grown out over the last year and now almost exclusively wore tied up, and he naturally had a more tan, almost olive complexion. Even with the differences, it was impossible not to recognize the two as twins immediately. They both had the same sharp facial features, lean and athletic builds, and light blue eyes.
Mason was the obvious odd man out in the group. His hair was somewhere between a light brown and a dark blonde, and his eyes were hazel rather than blue. His build was boxier, and he was definitely wider in the shoulders than his cousins, but that might have been because he had been playing lacrosse since he was eight. His facial features were also a little more square and angular. It might not have been a stretch to believe the three of them were related, but no one was going to mistake them for triplets.
"Okay, that is enough with the pouting," Michael declared with just a little bit of annoyance in his voice. Mason was a little surprised it had taken that long because usually, the more outrageous and destined to fail one of Michael's plans were, the more annoyed he got when it did, in fact, fail. "At least we got a fun story out of it," he stated.
Knowing Michael, he really did see that as a win which was crazy. Mason fucking loved his cousins. They were literally his best friends and really always had been, but sometimes they were crazy to be around. Mason put that on all the demigod stuff. After all, if you have literally trained to fight monsters since you were a little kid getting fake IDs and trying to sneak into a twenty-one and over club probably didn't sound all that crazy.
Mason wasn't exactly a fucking nun. Sneaking into a bar didn't sound completely crazy but trying to get into a bar known for checking IDs with comically bad fake IDs did.
"We are lucky they didn't call the police," Mason pointed out flatly. The bouncer had decided to take pity on them for some reason after giving them one hell of a fucking lecture, and Mason would forever be grateful. "Or worse, our parents," he added with a shutter.
"What are you worried about?" Lee asked with a laugh, "Uncle Dean and Uncle Felix would have been totally cool."
Mason gave Lee a serious look. "Nothing about my parents is cool," he stated firmly, "No matter how many people say otherwise."
"You really are a master of denial," Lee commented teasingly before patting his shoulder and adding, "It's kind of impressive."
The fact was Mason was well aware that his dads were pretty cool. If they had been called and told Mason had been caught with a fake ID trying to sneak into a bar, they probably wouldn't have even yelled at him. Neither of them were big yellers. Mason would have gotten one hell of a disapproving lecture which Mason was convinced was worse than yelling ever could be. He definitely would have lost a whole bunch of privileges for the foreseeable future.
Unfortunately, Mason had been hearing about how cool his dads were since he could remember. The fact that Felix getting early releases of video games all the time helped. Dean always bringing Mason and his friends for ice cream after practice when he was younger didn't hurt. As he got older, he just became the one with the cool parents in all his friend groups. It got old after a while, and that was before the term DILF started getting thrown around.
He would have been more annoyed if it was anyone besides Lee and Michael. They had it just as bad as he did, even if it was slightly different. Uncle Nico was practically a legion among Demigods for all the questing he did as a teenager, and even if he had just sat on his ass, he was still the son of Hades, which was a big thing. Uncle Will didn't have the history with all the questing, but he played an important role in some battle, which was enough to give him some fame. The twins had to deal with their fair share of people going full-on hero-worship over their dads, and then there was the fact that Uncle Nico had worked as a model for like five years.
Mason might not have been truly pissed off, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to flip Lee off for that comment. He did grin as he did it, at least so it was clear that it was all good.
They had walked about half a block as they had talked, and they made it about a block more in silence before Michael huffed. "So what are we going to do now?" he asked. Mason went to answer but barely got an opportunity to take a breath before Michael held up a finger to cut him off. "And the answer of going home is not allowed, so just don't even say it," he stated firmly.
Mason didn't get why going home, playing video games, ordering a pizza, and hanging out was such a bad idea. His dads were out on a date night, so they probably would have had the house to themselves, not that that mattered. According to Michael, that was just not an acceptable way for them to spend their evening, and in fairness, he had made that clear before then. That didn't mean that wasn't exactly what Mason had been prepared to suggest, but he wasn't really surprised that Michael warned him not to before he got a chance.
Mason stopped and looked around to get a feel for where they were. Since they were in West Berkeley, it was more his stomping ground rather than the twins. If it were New Rome, the twins would have a list of places they could go and things they could do, so he guessed it was on him to at least come up with one suggestion.
If he was honest, he only had a vague idea of where they were, and it wasn't a part of the city he visited often, so he didn't have the best idea of what was around. Ultimately, he went with the first thing that came to mind. "There is a really cool vintage bookstore like two blocks from here," he stated, pointing in the direction he thought it was.
It might have been the first thing he had thought of, but Mason didn't think it was a half-bad idea. He had been to the place a few times with Dean because Dean had a radar for little bookstores, and it didn't matter what they were doing or where they were supposed to be; he had to go in. It was such a well-known fact that Felix always looked up where bookstores were when they went on vacation so they could plan when they went. The little bookstore that Mason couldn't remember the name of had actually been pretty cool.
"You found an answer worse than go home," Michael commented flatly, "Why do you hurt me like this?"
Mason rolled his eyes because now Michael was just overdramatic. "They serve coffee and stuff," he informed.
"Coffee actually sounds pretty fucking good," Lee admitted, which was a good sign. Of the two, Michael always wanted to do something big and over-the-top. Lee could be like that sometimes, but he was more likely to see reason when Michael was just suggesting something crazy. Usually, if Mason could get Lee on his side, he had a chance. If Lee backed Michael's idea, then it was only a matter of time before Mason agreed to whatever insanity had been planned.
Michael stared between Mason and Lee with clear disapproval. "We can not go from trying to sneak into a 21 and over club to drinking coffee in a used bookstore," he stated with disgust before just shaking his head with disappointment, "Honestly, what is wrong with you two?"
"Okay," Lee declared, managing to sound just as unamused by Michael as Michael was with them. Lee was infinitely better at dealing with his brother when he was being dramatic than Mason was. "How about we go into that pizza place-" he pointed past Mason toward a small pizza place just across the street from where they were standing, "-and talk to the cute girls that are walking in."
"Well, that doesn't sound like fun for me!" Michael grumbled as he turned and assessed the option for a split second. "Oh, there is a couple of boys that could be cute! I don't hate that idea."
Mason gave in and turned to see what they were talking about and immediately wanted to crawl into a hole and die. "Oh my god, could you too stop staring," he hissed as he turned his back on the scene and hoped no one saw him.
They should have gone to New Rome.
Of course, both Michael and Lee were staring at him, and he knew they were going to ask. Neither of them was precisely known for letting things go either.
"What?" Mason shrugged, sounding more defensive than he meant to, "They are people from my school."
Michael and Lee exchanged a look that was never a good thing. It was one of those weird twin silent communication things they would do, and it usually meant they were about to tag team, Mason. It never worked out well.
"You know them?" Michael asked, although he managed to give the question far more weight than such a simple question should have had.
Lee was even less subtle as he stared at Mason with obvious suspicion, "How come we don't know them?"
Obviously, Michael and Lee didn't go to Mason's high school because they were in New Rome, but they hung around with Mason enough that they knew all of Mason's school friends and a fair number of his classmates. It wasn't necessarily weird that they didn't know someone that Mason knew from school, but it was a more rare occurrence. On this specific occasion, it actually made a lot of sense because they were people Mason only recently started getting to know.
"It looked like Theo and a few of the other kids from the theater club," Mason explained. Mason was not a theater kid. Even if he had wanted to be, he never would have had time with lacrosse and soccer. Since he was a junior and apparently would benefit from diversifying his afterschool activities (so saith his guidance counselor), he joined the AV club and somehow ended up helping with the school play, so he got to know some of the theater kids over the last few months. Not a big deal in the slightest. "And for the record, you two aren't entitled to know all my school friends," he pointed out just to prove a point.
Michael and Lee exchanged another look.
"Theo?" Lee questioned.
"Interesting," Michael commented.
Mason's heart jumped into his throat. Had he said that name? He hadn't meant to, but it must have just slipped out. He was absolutely fucked because the twins weren't going to let that go, and that was the last thing Mason needed. Theo was just a dude with great hair that made Mason feel weird sometimes, and he didn't want to talk about that.
Play it cool, Mason told himself through his internal panic. He shrugged, which felt like the most unnatural gesture ever. "He hangs out with a lot of the AV kids helping with the play," he explained. More accurately, he hung around many band kids helping with the play, and Mason had to adjust the audio equipment a fair amount. After talking a few times, Mason may have invited him to hang out with the AV kids, and the guy took him up on that. There was no fucking way he was telling Lee and Michael that story. "I've learned his name. It isn't a big deal," he stated. That at least was true, and no one would convince Mason otherwise.
Michael and Lee were silent for a long moment, just staring at him before Michael broke the silence. "You know what? Pizza sounds fantastic," He declared before turning on his heels and starting across the street. He was halfway across before he called over his shoulder, "And I love a good theater club. Always fun gays."
Lee patted Mason on the shoulder, which turned into him practically pushing Mason forward toward the pizza shop. "So, which one is Theo exactly," Lee asked in a mischievous tone.
Now Mason wished their wrong fake IDs had worked.
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Part 16. I felt a little meh about this chapter while writing the first draft, but now I think it is pretty alright.
In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. In this chapter, they continue talking about Cupid, which they also did in part 4. The rest is on AO3 and Fanfiction.net!
This Might Be Crazy: Part 16: Cherry Coca Cola
‘Where are we going?’ I asked.
‘Long island beach.’
‘And why are we going to long island beach?’
‘Thematic appropriateness.’
‘What do you mean?’
Dionysus sighed. ‘What did we talk about last time we were at the beach?’
The corners of my mouth sunk. ‘About Cupid. And then you said you wanted to talk about him more in the future. And then I brought him up last time, when we talked about Jason. So... now the time has come to continue.’
‘Exactly.’
I sighed and dropped down into the sand. ‘Alright then. But I don’t even remember where we left off last time.’
He did not say anything back while he sat down next to me and handed me a bottle of Cherry Coca Cola. ‘Here. Also for thematic appropriateness.’
‘Because I had Strawberry Coke last time?’
‘Indeed. Now, first of all, how do you feel about your coming out go after what happened at Diocletians’ palace?’
I shrugged and took my time to think while I uncapped my soda. ‘Ehm… at first, it did not go so easily. With the help of Jason, I managed to tell the rest of the seven…’ Dionysus rolled his eyes when I called them that, ‘And Reyna about it. Eventually, I told Thalia, because she was Jasons’ sister. Then, to a few other people who were important during the Giant war, so coach Hedge, his wife, Gwen and Dakota from camp Jupiter, and then eventually most of camp Half-blood and camp Jupiter. The gods learned along the way, and slowly basically everybody knew. I don’t wear a pride flag on my sleeve, because I do not feel comfortable with that, but furthermore I am pretty open about it. You know, I would say my coming out was pretty smooth after the first bump.’
‘Glad to hear that. Last time you said that most people are accepting, right?’
‘Yes. Most campers were open to it, and those who weren’t quickly grew to be. I mean, we are the descendants of the ancient Greeks and Romans, after all. I think I told you last time about Wills’ relative, how she makes tasteless comments, but also that she does not really bother me all that much. I… this might sound weird, but I think the fact that most people accepted me helped me work through my internalised homophobia, which surely was there. And still is, but... less.’
‘It is nice to hear that you are feeling that way. Do you think your internalised homophobia is still something we should talk about?’
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know if there is a lot to be said about it that I haven’t already said. It was there and it was a real issue for a while, because of all the propaganda from Fascist Italy. But now that I am in a more accepting time, with nothing but accepting people around me who indirectly tell me each day that being gay is nothing to be ashamed off. That I should not be hating myself because of it. And… and then I began to date Will, and slowly I began to… actually like it that I was gay. Not just tolerate it, but like it.’
Dionysus nodded a few times. He was smiling. ‘Wonderful, Nico. It is really nice to hear that you managed to get through it. And of course we all know you’ve got Will, you are superglued to him all the time.’
‘Hmpf.’ I took a sip of cherry coke. I was not glued to Will all the time. Sometimes I had therapy, after all.
‘Now, do you think this would have gone differently if Jason had not reacted the way he did when you were at the palace?’
I took some time to think about that. ‘Maybe… no, yes, I am sure it would have gone very differently. I… I would have been way more secretive about who I truly am and I am pretty sure my internalised homophobia would have been a way larger issue than it is now. I am sure I would still be suffering from it a lot.’ I took a sip of coke. ‘But that… that is just what Jason did. I told you that last time. Jason cares… or cared, for the people around him, and he basically always saw the positive. And he carried that attitude in a way that wasn’t even tiring.’
Dionysus wrinkled his brow. ‘That’s remarkable.’
‘It is.’ I took another sip. ‘And you are right about the fact that I am not ashamed of walking around with Will while we hold hands, or something like that…’
‘As if all the PDA we see from you is holding hands.’
I wanted to tell him to shut up, but that seemed stupid. ‘You know what I mean!’
‘I know exactly what you mean and I think it is very good that you feel comfortable enough to do it.’
‘Well then!’
He shrugged, which was probably his way of saying sorry. ‘Hm. I don’t feel ashamed of that. That is partly because nobody can hate on me when I walk next to Will Solace, of course.’
Dionysus laughed. ‘You seem to have a good relationship with him.’
‘I do. I think.’ I don’t really have a frame of reference. ‘I feel safe with him, and loved.’
Dionysus suddenly got a sad look in his eyes. ‘Those are the most important parts. If you just love each other, and trust each other… the rest will come.’
I took another sip of coke and thought about his words. ‘Is… I mean, people say that often, but is it really true?’
He looked at me. ‘Are you really going to ask me about that? I am the god of alcohol.’
‘I mean, I don’t know a lot of other people who have been married for literal thousands of years and managed to still care deeply about their partner, after all.’ My face soured a little. Except for Cupid, that was.
Dionysus did not notice the change in my facial expression. ‘Yes, it is pretty much true. But you have to know that relationships are different for immortals. Regular humans live maybe eighty years if they’re lucky. Some people might be together for decades, but most couples don’t reach further than a couple of years. Even if you found the one, so to say, and you reached the stadium of the relationship where it is not so much about being in love, but more about loving each other, you’d still be far, far away from what being in a relationship for thousands of years is like. It is not about someone being the ‘one’ anymore. It is about that person being the one you love the most and who will always be with you in spirit, even if you don’t see each other for years. They’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for them, even if you both love others as well. You can feel their presense in your life. Unless you are forcefully send to a summer camp and separated from them, which made the ties that you had looser not in the sense that you love each other less, but that you literally can’t feel the bond that connected you anymore.’ He stared at the sand. I took a sip of coke. For a second, he stayed lost in thought, until he seemed to wake up. ‘I just said that all out loud to some fourteen year old.’
‘Hey, I am fifteen!’
‘That matters about nothing.’
I took another sip, but the bottle was almost empty. ‘I have been telling you a lot about my life. This is only fair…’
‘That is not how therapy works.’
‘...And I think it might be important to know this about the gods, because… well, with all the children going on and stuff…’ I needed to stop talking right now and I knew it. I got up. ‘But I have classes in a little while.’ Dionysus did not look at me.
‘Use that information wisely.’
I shrugged. I would try my best. ‘I am going to Will now.’ That made him look up at me.
‘Yes, go do that. You deserve someone like him in your life.’
I nodded again and walked away. On one hand, I felt smug because I managed to get a shred of information about immortals out of him. On the other hand, I felt a bit sorry. I wondered how it was to be seperated from someone you loved so much. And on the third hand, which I did not know I had, I felt happy that the subject of Cupid and internalized homophobia had been seemingly closed off and I had said absolutely nothing about Percy Jackson. Now I could talk about that when I felt truly ready for it. Which might be never.
A/N: A chapter I thought was necessary, because I left the chapter with Cupid unwrapped and it has been quite some time. After Jason, I thought it was the most logical, even if it is not much. The next chapter will be a bigger set piece again.
I am not sure about this chapter. I just am not. I have already written out the next part, however, about Hazel, and that feels a lot better.
I have a bunch of ideas written down and a lot of things were mentioned by you guys. If you really, really want to see something, tell me and I’ll add it to the list and maybe (but only maybe) put it higher on the list.
Spoiler alert: Nico will tell Dionysus about Percy... someday. He just does not know when yet.
#Nico di angelo#dionysus#trials of apollo#pjo#tower of nero#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#fanfiction#fanfic#writeblr#writing#cupid#will solace#solangelo#tw homophobia#cw homophobia#therapy#hurt/comfort
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Percy Jackson & The Avengers: Convergence - filler chapters save lives
Hey...
- your (extremely sorry and depressed) author
Disclaimer: I don't own PJO or the Avengers.
Ω ♆ Ω
This was inevitable. Percy was a ball of nuclear energy just counting down to an explosion. It wasn't a matter of if that energy broke free, but a matter of when. The group had thought it had happened when he set off a tropical storm in the middle of Nevada, but they were wrong. He had truly lost control only moments before...
when he killed a man.
Ω ♆ Ω
Percy didn't even spare a glance at the crumpled body before he rushed to Annabeth's side. His eyes raked over her body, checking for injury. When he found none, he pulled her into him, hugging her like she was his lifeline (and she practically was).
"I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he whispered in Ancient Greek over and over again in her ear, "I love you, I love you, I love you..."
Tears were slipping down both their cheeks, but they didn't move to wipe them away, likely neither of them had even realised they were crying. The couple was in their own world. One where only they existed and nobody could bother them.
It wasn't to last, though.
Someone on the team had to break the silence, and of course it was Tony, "As much as I hate to break this up, can we please get off this goddamned island now?"
He was speaking with false-sarcasticness, but nobody pointed it out. Everyone but Annabeth and Percy's eyes were on the body, or what was supposed to be one. Instead of a humanoid shape, it was a crumpled ball of bones, tissue, and blood. It was an awful sight, truly. Nothing was natural about it.
For everyone there, including the other demigods, it was eye-opening into the more blood-thirsty side of the divine world. Percy's powers were derived from the gods, and they allowed him to be able to do something like this. It was horrifying.
Ω ♆ Ω
Annabeth was the first of the two to come to her senses. She gently pushed back against Percy's embrace, signaling that it was time to come back to the real world; where they had to address what he had done. But that could wait. For now, Annabeth decided the best thing to do was to get everyone home safely.
"We should go, Percy," she whispered.
"I know. I'm scared, though," he spoke in Greek.
He did that sometimes, when he had a particularly bad PTSD episode. It was his mind's way of protecting itself. Even though he had spoken only English for the first twelve years of his life, his first language would always be Ancient Greek, just like all Greek demigods. It was the same for any type of demigod. They were born that way.
However, this wasn't an episode. This was his actions catching up to him. This was his world spinning on its axis once again.
Secretly, Annabeth had feared something like this would happen eventually. He was pushing down so much power, it was bound to break through at one point. That's why she had slowly been trying to coax him to use his powers fully again. Her theory was that the more he used them, the more control he would have on them, and the less they would be fighting against his willpower. He was a battery, and he needed to let some of the energy out every so often.
She would have to be more direct about her suspicions now. When they got home, that is. After he had time to adjust again.
It seemed like they were always adjusting now.
"I know, Seaweed Brain, I know. Let's just work on getting home, first, though. Ok?" she said.
She felt him nod against her neck before he pulled away from her, only to wrap an arm around shoulders a second later. He needed to feel her against him as a calming reassurance. And she needed him for the same reason.
They faced their team. Because that was what they were now, a team. They weren't the Seven and the Avengers anymore. They had been through too much in such a short span of time for them to be separate teams anymore.
"Let's go home," Annabeth announced, and started the trip back through the tunnel with Percy at her side, just like he would always be.
Ω ♆ Ω
Later, after Percy and Annabeth had disappeared into one of the cabins together, the rest of the team met up on the deck. Hazel would normally not like going behind their friend's backs to talk about them like this, but even she thought this meeting was important. This would decide Percy's fate once they reached the mainland again.
"Ok, who wants to start?" Hazel asked, after they had all just stood there in silence for a minute.
If nobody else was going to speak, then she was going to. She wanted this to be over as soon as possible. She had already made her decision regarding her cousin, and it would never change. That she was sure of.
"I can," Jason answered.
All eyes turned to him, but that did not phase him. He was trained to be a leader from a very young age. Having people look at him while he made speeches was part of the job description.
"I support my family, and Percy is family. What he did was horrible, obviously, but it wasn't anything the rest of us wouldn't have done in the same situation. He probably is going to punish himself more than anything else we could do to him. We need to show him that we are still his team, his family."
The rest of the demigods nodded firmly, agreeing with this. They knew Percy. They knew that what Jason had said was very true. Instead of punishing him, they needed to help show him that he was not a horrible person. Otherwise something like this would just happen again.
Time would just keep repeating itself.
The Avengers all glanced at one another, all unsure where to stand in this. Sure, they had learned a lot about the teen since they had first met, but none of them could be sure that this was just a fluke; that something like this wouldn't keep happening if they didn't do anything about it.
"How can we be sure that he won't do something like this again?" Natasha asked, a firm expression trained somehow on all five demigods present.
"We can't. But we CAN try our best to ensure that there is almost no chance. Percy has SO MUCH power, and he has been pushing it down in himself for months. That caused it to react harshly with his emotions. I'm sure Annabeth and Percy both know this. He needs help, not punishment," Piper answered, almost matching Nat's glare perfectly.
Steve spoke up next, "He killed someone, Piper. That can't go unpunished."
Piper kaleidoscope eyes seemed to flash brightly at the captain, "And you haven't killed someone, Captain? In the name of war? Love? How is what Percy did any different than you blowing up some hydra base?"
"That man down there is the best and most loyal man you'll ever meet. I can promise you that," Frank added in, "He would never do something to hurt a good person, not intentionally, just like the rest of us."
Bruce spoke up with fire, surprising everyone, "But that's exactly our point! He would never do something to hurt a good person INTENTIONALLY! But what about unintentionally?!"
Leo's nostrils flared, "You, out of everyone here, have no right to say that...Hulk."
Bruce looked like he had been slapped at first, but then his expression shifted into something resembling sheepishness.
Leo's flaming gaze (literally, his hair was smoking) passed over the rest of the Avengers, looking for any more objections. When he found none, he gave a curt nod of approval.
"I guess that's that, then, isn't it?" he said, and promptly went below deck.
Ω ♆ Ω
Percy and Annabeth were snuggled as close as possible on the bed in their cabin. Not a word beyond 'I love you' had been spoken between them yet. They just clutched onto each other like the other would disappear again any second.
Finally, after an hour had passed, Annabeth spoke, "We need to talk about it, Perce."
His head childishly shook. The sides of Annabeth's mouth lifted just a bit at the sign that her Percy wasn't completely hidden.
"I know it's hard, but we have to. You have to be ready to talk about it with the rest of the team later. They'll want answers, and I want you to be able to give them. It'll be easier with me first," she said, pushing a hand gently through his unruly raven-colored hair.
"You can answer in Greek if you have to. And you don't have to give long answers, you just have to say something," she reassured, "Does that sound ok?"
Percy took a deep breath before nodding his head.
"I'll start off simple. What are you feeling right now?" Annabeth asked.
He took a second to respond, but Annabeth was willing to give him all the time needed to form an answer, so long as he gave one.
"I'm tired. So tired, Wise Girl. My stomach hurts and I feel like my skin is on fire. But most of all, I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I killed a mortal, Annabeth! How could I even look at myself again?" he answered in Greek.
Annabeth's heart broke just a little, "Oh, Percy. I know who you are. You are my adorable, powerful, and loving Seaweed Brain. You love your mother and blue food, and most of all, you love your purpose. You were put here to protect people, and that is what you did today. You protected me, okay? You didn't do anything that I wouldn't have done to save you. And I love you for it."
"But I KILLED a man, Annabeth! How can you even stand to look at me right now?!" he shouted, bursted out of her arms and off the bed.
Tears were starting to form on his lower eyelids.
"Because you are the love of my life, Perseus Jackson, and nothing you could ever do would make me love you less!" she shouted.
Good, Percy thought, Yell at me. Punish me for what I did. I deserve it.
As if she could read his thoughts, Annabeth yelled, "No! You do not get to manipulate me into punishing you for doing something that that horrible man deserved! You are not perfect, Percy, and neither am I. If you hadn't killed him, I probably would have! We are not perfect people, and we never will be. We're screwed up in the head, but we have each other! I will NOT let you go back into yourself."
"But that's the only way I can protect you! I have to hold it in!"
She sighed, "Percy, look at the facts. The only times you've put people in danger have been when you were holding your powers in. You need to let them out consistently in order to stop these large bursts from happening every time you get pissed off!"
Percy was silent, staring at the floor and mulling over her words. When he looked up, a tear had slipped down his cheek, "What if I'm too scared?"
"I'll help you. We all will, Perce. The entire team wants you to feel comfortable using your abilities. We can start off with taking you to some uninhabitable island or something. You just need to make sure you aren't pushing your powers down anymore," Annabeth answered, "Okay? Can you promise me you'll try?"
Reluctantly, Percy nodded, "I swear on the River Styx that I'll try to control and understand my powers."
Annabeth's eyes widened, but then she was crushing Percy in a hug, pulling back only to kiss him.
"I love you, Seaweed Brain."
"I love you, Wise Girl."
Ω ♆ Ω
"Well I guess that settles it then, doesn't it? We trust those ungrateful ingrates now apparently," Tony sighed, tacking a swig from a flask he had procured from somewhere and walking away from the Avengers.
You could always count on Tony Stark to simplify emotional situations. His only goal was to make them last less, though, whereas most of the Avengers wanted to talk it over some more. That wasn't on his agenda. Tony had his own agenda and discussing whether or not a teenager killing a terrorist was warrant for serious punishment was not on it.
Steve shared an annoyed look with Bruce before he nodded, "I guess it is. We'll have to discuss it with Percy when we get back to the tower, but for now, let's just get some rest."
"Yes, sir, Captain," Clint smirked, mirth flashing in his irises before he pulled Natasha over to lean against the railing around the deck.
They were no-doubt not going to let themselves get any rest, but Steve knew well enough by now to let it go. The spies ran on their own fuel and it clearly did not come from sleep, if the amount of times he'd actually seen them asleep counted for anything.
Bruce however, he could count on to actually follow orders, even if they were thinly-veiled ones. The scientist nodded his head at Steve, a small smile curving his lips, before he went below deck, likely to find a nice place to take a nap.
Steve, not wanting to seem like a hypocrite, followed after Bruce. He found an empty cabin quickly, and let himself fall into a light nap. If he had to, he could jump right into action, but he had to let his body get some rest.
He only hoped that the teens on board were doing the same.
Ω ♆ Ω
Steve was right, for the most part. Almost all of the Seven were resting. Key word: almost. Leo Valdez, ever the hyperactive inventor, was down in his makeshift shop, working on the design for his newest project.
The idea had come to him that day, when he saw how broken Percy looked. He had seen that look in his eyes before, right after the man had come out of Tartarus and he was determined to never see it cross his friend's face again. After everything Percy had done for him, Leo thought he deserved some peace of mind.
His idea was to design something to allow Percy to sleep peacefully. Something like this could help present and future generations of demigods forever. But if he was being honest, he had gotten the idea from the dreamless-sleep draught potion from Harry Potter. Before he had learned he was a demigod, he was a diehard potterhead. It was something he had managed to keep a secret from his new life for now, but it was coming in handy now.
Since he didn't have magic abilities like the wizards from the books, he had to compromise with what he DID have, which was a genius-level intellect, spare scrap metal, and some duct tape.
He had come up with more from less.
Leo figured that he could make a contraption that could connect with Percy's brain synapses and withhold some from firing, but only the ones in the hippocampus, the part of the brain that controls dreams. He also had to restrict it to nightmares only, because demigods needed dreams to make sure they didn't die. He just had to make sure he didn't accidentally cause Percy permanent brain damage. This particular part of the brain was vital in his daily function, so it would really suck if it stopped working properly.
At the moment, Leo was drawing out his designs on some paper he had pulled from his belt. His mind was working faster than his hand could, so it was taking longer than he would have preferred.
After an hour of careful and deliberate strokes of a pencil hitting paper, his head popped up from the desk, with a loud shout of "aha!", signalling his completion.
"Gods, I really am a genius, aren't I?" he muttered to himself in awe had he inspected the blueprint for mistakes.
"Talking to yourself again, Leo?" Jason commented, startling Leo as he entered the room, "That's not helping your case claiming sanity."
"Sweet Circe! Don't DO that, Sparky!" he shouted, nearly jumping out of his seat.
"If you were paying attention, you would have noticed me knocking on the door for the past two minutes, weirdo," Jason responded.
Leo rolled his eyes. His best friend knew very well that he lost himself when he was working, especially when it was something this important.
"What are you working on?" The son of Jupiter asked.
Leo grinned, eager to present his project, "I can't build it here, not without the proper equipment to test it, but I already designed it. I call it Papa Leo's Nightmare-restricting Device, or P.L.N.R.D. It's to make it so demigods can sleep without having nightmares. Like it?"
The son of Hephaestus wished he had a camera to take a picture of Jason's face at that moment. It was priceless.
Just when he was contemplating trying to pull on out of his belt, Jason pulled him into a rough hug, squeezing him until he couldn't breathe.
"Jace, I. Can't. Breathe!" he wheezed out.
He was ignored.
"Oh, you beautiful genius! I could kiss you!"
He was spun around in a circle.
"Please don't, it would suck to explain that to Piper," Leo joked once he had been allowed to stand again.
"I gotta tell the others! They're gonna be so excited!" he went to rush off, but Leo grabbed his arm before he could.
"Let's not...yet, okay? I just want to make sure that I get it finished and working before I tell the others. I don't want to let them down if I can't make it work," he said to explain his actions.
Jason looked like he didn't believe that would ever happen, but he gave Leo a brotherly pat on the shoulder, "Ok, McShizzle. I'll keep it to myself for now."
"Thanks."
"No problem, bro."
"Gods, you are such a bro-boy. It's like living around a frat house."
"You take that back!"
"Never!"
Ω ♆ Ω
Sorry for how many time skips/section separators I'm using. I guess it's part of my writing style now. This is on FF, Inkitt, Ao3, Webnovel, and Wattpad too. Like, reblog, & follow!
- your (extremely apologetic) author
other chapters :)
#pjo#fanfic#ao3#wattpad#inkitt#ff#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#the seven#the avengers#mcu#marvel#webnovel#sorry this is so late
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would you want to preview one of the new nostalgia aus? the snippets have made me so so curious! you could share as little/as much as you’d like❤️
Hi sweetheart! Of course, I’ll tell you about it! You know I’m always up for rambling about my stories lol
I’ll go at it under the cut cause holy shit did I ramble about these. Thank you so much for asking love!
Πραξιδίκη (Praxidice)
The one I’m most pumped about atm. It is also the longest AU I have planned, aside from Hope of course.
Praxidice is one of Persephone’s names, used to refer to her in her subterranean queen title and in her status as the mother of the Furies. It means roughly ‘she who brings justice/revenge’. The name fits, and I wanted it to be a name for Persephone (instead of, say, a river in the Underworld, or an emotion or smth) because the Reader (Persephone) is a different reader from canon Nostalgia, and it is her embracing other part of herself what defines this AU.
This AU changes a lot of the main story, if not everything. The Greeks (that she doesn’t know are alive but now you guys do) sail back to the Mediterranean instead of trying to find her in Scandinavia, presuming her dead; and the Priestess’ motivations about returning to her ‘mother’ are not centered around returning to Greece or her people, but to Sieghild, who represents Demeter as much as Greece/Danae do. Ivar’s progression into letting go of Freydis’ words about pain being a mark of the Gods and thus if you endure it you are rewarded is also much more complicated.
What “If we name things, we make them real. And real things are dangerous things, becuase real things can be taken from you.” or “Bend to the Fates, but don’t let them break you.” is to Nostalgia, “Make the ground where you are defeated the realm where you will conquer. Survive, until spring comes.” is to Praxidice, basically.
I want to explore a few things in this AU, mainly surrounding the characters. This isn’t the Priestess of Nostalgia, this is the Priestess that had Narses put an army at her disposal with a few words of love. This is the Priestess that would make Freydis proud. You know where this is going, don’t you?
This also isn’t the Ivar of Nostalgia. To me, around Chapter 8 he needed only a push to truly fall into the world Freydis told him of, where the Gods reward those who endure pain. The Priestess fighting him every step of the way did help towards him realizing that yeah maybe not, but it also was him realizing his own mistakes along the road (”If you had asked, I would have said yes.” most of all) that truly kept him from having what he wanted.
Her main ambition in this AU will be changed from wanting to return to her people to wanting to return to her mother, and, similarly to how it went with Narses, when the desire for something else (war when it came to Narses, or in this case, survival) trumps any desire for freedom, she will lie through her teeth, no matter the cost. Also, returning to the element of her name: she wants revenge, but Stithulf ain’t exactly the only one she wants revenge against.
And as a result we get a very different Ivar as well. He is getting everything he ever wanted (”You seemed like everything I ever wanted. Not just seemed like it, you were. You still are.”) and he has no reason to distrust it. He is bewitched, this time a tad more literally.
And yeah, drunk on the idea of loving and being loved, sold on the fantasy of this being a reward for his strength, he’s diving head first. It is a more vulnerable Ivar is what I’m trying to say, because, as you can see through Nostalgia, his heart is a good chunk of steps ahead of the Priestess’ (especially towards the beginning) and having her agree with him and promise this is a choice she can make would only make things faster (we know when he falls, he falls hard and fast); all the while the Priestess is very much playing a part. Awful for everyone involved? Yes. Am I a horrible person for writing this? Also yes.
And this also has a new-ish role for Freydis to play. Now, more than ever, Freydis and the Reader are very alike. Still, I will try (keyword try, because I always say that and I write her front and center in every fucking story I can lol) to not focus on her too much.
Anyhow, I will stop boring you with my rambles lol. Here’s two quotes I feel describe their situations very well, the Reader and Ivar respectively:
“From the very womb
of your sadness,
of your old self,
you have come out,
borne of heartache and pain,
yet you have made yourself
this magestic, beautiful new thing.
You and Persephone
share this in common.
From the fires of trauma
where no one expected
your recovery,
you have forged
your own rebirth.”
- Your Trauma Does Not Define You, Nikita Gill
“Tell me that you weren’t hungry that day.
Tell me that’s not what got you to stay.
(...)
I want to believe you had the choice;
I was hearing more than my own voice;
That you opened the palms of your hands
To offer your heart, not meet my demands.
Convince me that you want to be here;
It’s not my trick that keeps you so near.
You chose me. You love me. This is real.
No silly seven seeds sealed the deal.
(...)
Just tell me you weren’t hungry that day.
Just tell me I’m the reason you stay.”
- Hades to Persephone, Ann Schafer
Anyhow, the snippet you requested ended up being like well over 1k, so I decided to post it on its own. You can find it here!
Thank you so much for showing interest in these messes that I write, it means so muhc ot me! Sending you my love sweetheart!
(As for the other AUs, I think I have Elpís/Hope which you guys already know about; Alatheia, the Freydis/Reader AU; and then Phlegethon, which is (because I am such a fucking mess) an AU of Alatheia, though it’s more of an alternate ending/epilogue, I just want Alatheia to be its own story without meddling Ivars making life difficult so the side of the story that focuses more on him is an AU of its own. And I think that is it, for now.)
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2020 Writing in Review
Total number of completed stories: Four (not counting tumblr ficlets and such)
Total word count: Somewhere in the region of 150k
Fandoms written in: Game of Thrones, Queen’s Thief - Megan Whalen Turner, and Friday’s Child - Georgette Heyer.
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? In 2019 I wrote almost 230k in seven months. I knew there was no way I’d be that prolific in 2020. As it turned out, I was right, but for the wrong reasons. I did start off the year writing at a slower pace than the last, but then 2020 happened to me in several different ways at once and I didn’t write at all for three months. But THEN I got my writing mojo back and wrote 50k between the beginning of November and the end of December so... I don’t know. It definitely wasn’t expected, whatever else you call it.
What’s your own favorite story of the year? There were two stories that I absolutely LOVED writing, and I can’t choose between them, so I’ll talk about both.
The first happened completely by accident. In October, I read all six of the Queen’s Thief novels by Megan Whalen Turner, and to my surprise the narrator of book 5 grabbed me by the throat and wouldn’t let up until I’d written a story for him. That ended up taking the whole of November, and became Twelve Days. It was a very different story from anything I’d written recently: first person, spare(ish) style, slash, and a very, VERY distinctive narrative voice. I think Chapter 9 was probably the best bit of writing I’d done in a while.
However, at the beginning of December I had finished Twelve Days, and so started work on That Greek Thing - which is the second story I want to talk about. It is for the novel Friday’s Child by Georgette Heyer and is a story I’ve had in the back of my mind to write for literally twenty years. It also has a very distinctive narrative voice, but in a completely different way from Twelve Days. i’d wanted to write Heyer fic for years and never quite got up the nerve. This time, I finally wrote not just a Heyer fic, but this particular Heyer fic, and I loved every moment of writing it. Heyer’s style is very, VERY different from MWT’s, so it took me a little while to move mentally from one to the other, but once I got into the groove of it...
That Greek Thing wound up being 22k compared to Twelve Days’ 24k, but written in half the time. I mean, the fact that I was also writing the Heyer fic for Yuletide and so I was writing to a deadline also helped speed things along... But yeah, I’d been talking about writing that fic for 20 years, and I think it actually did turn out to be the story that I wanted it to be and hoped it would be.
Did you take any writing risks this year? I wrote slash for the first time in nine years (Twelve Days), and then I wrote another slash story (That Greek Thing) right after. Not a risk, exactly, but certainly a change from what I’ve been writing for a while now. I guess writing in first-person was a bit of a risk. I hadn’t done that in a very long time, and it was always possible that I could have fucked it up. I also wrote in a teensy fandom (Queen’s Thief) where I was completely unknown, and that’s always a bit of a risk in terms of getting people to engage with you.
Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Hahaha. FINISH THINGS. First up, I need to finish my chill fest fic Doubt Truth to be a Liar. After that, there are my other four JB WIPs to see to. Once I get all of those sorted out, I will probably return to some profic projects that I started a few years ago.
Best story of the year? I’m not sure. It’s either Twelve Days or That Greek Thing, though. They’re so different that I honestly can’t say for sure which is better. I love the very angsty chapter in Twelve Days and I think it’s the best single bit of writing I’ve done in a while. Otoh, I love all the comedy in That Greek Thing, and the way some scenes go comedy-porn-comedy. Which is better? I don’t know, but I love them both.
Most popular story of the year? The Personal Touch, my JB physiotherapist modern AU. For some reason eight chapters of massages and sexual tension and wanking, followed by a sex scene that sprawled across two chapters, a semi-break-up and finally a happy ending appealed to a lot of readers. Ah, fandom. 😉
Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Oh, easily, EASILY Twelve Days. Teensy fandom, unknown writer - there was never going to be a lot of notice shown. I’m pretty sure it’s the only story I’ve posted in 21 years of writing fanfic that had entire chapters that didn’t get a single comment.
Most fun story to write: That Greek Thing. I made myself laugh gleefully through most of it, and then the angst and hurt/comfort hit and I had even more fun!
Most unintentionally telling story: Heh. The Personal Touch for the physiotherapy stuff minus the sexual tension. I’ve been on a lot of treatment tables over the years...
Biggest disappointment: The usual one: that I have a finite amount of energy, so I can either do a reasonable amount of writing or do a reasonable amount of reading - but I can’t do both. So, once again, a lot of the stories that I really wanted to read went by the wayside.
Biggest surprise: That I wrote not one but two slash stories this year - and both of them featured intercrural sex. Not for the hell of it, either. Both stories needed it, but for very different reasons.
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Yes, God, Yes
Full disclosure: I not only attended a Catholic high school, but I specifically attended a Kairos retreat, the exact retreat which the characters from 2020’s Yes, God, Yes attend. In the film, they call it “Kirkos,” but everything about “Kirkos” is the same as my (and seemingly every) Kairos. So let me clear up a few things for those of you who saw this film and thought, “This shit at this movie retreat can’t be what they do in real life.” Yes, Kairos leaders really do collect your phone and watch upon arrival to the retreat center since you are now on “God’s time ”(kairos comes from the Greek word καιρός which literally means “God’s time”). Yes, you are forced into small groups with your other classmates and feel this weird pressure to have a sad life story to share. Yes, small group leaders start to play music while they tell their own story AND pass out the lyrics as if these song lyrics are real deep poetry. One of my retreat leaders, for example, handed out sheets of the lyrics to Florence + The Machine’s “Shake it Off.” Now, I LIKE Florence + The Machine, but even still the lyrics to that song are nothing special. And, most of all, yes, those who come back from Kairos do tend to act a little cultish. At our school it was referred to as having a “Kai high,” a feeling in time when everyone just wants to be friends yet those people only exclusively hang out with one another.
In defense of Kairos retreats, at their very best, they offer adolescents at a critical time in their development the opportunity to reflect on their lives thus far, evaluate if they are living out the values their parents and community have instilled in them, and give them a safe space to work through conflicts, apologize, and try to be better people. At their worst, it’s a self-congratulatory experience where people act morally superior to others without really doing anything substantial… or even worse it’s a period of time where adolescents might unearth and talk about really hard topics like suicide, depression, etc. for the first time… and yet are given no real guidance on how to handle those emotions outside of this four day experience!
All this said, this is not a review of Kairos retreat. It is, indeed, a film review. I just wanted to make clear my biases etc. before talking about it since the retreat does more than provide the setting for the majority of Yes, God, Yes: the retreat’s four-day thematic structure doubles as the film’s plot structure. Just as in real life, our protagonist does a lot of questioning about her life and her faith during her first day, does some “crying” during the second as people, “accepting/trusting” the third, and then “living out” the lessons she learned on the fourth day and beyond! The difference is that in real life, teens are supposed to do these things in regard to their faith... or protagonist across those four days has a genuine sexual awakening.
In fact it’s exactly the desire to suppress her sexuality that prompts our protagonist to go on the retreat in the first place. Because our protagonist, Alice (played by Stranger Things’ Natalia Dyer), has just discovered something about herself that is hard to put out of her mind: she likes sex! Or, more specifically, likes masturbating. Alice is, from what we can tell in the prologue, a pretty by-the-books Catholic teen. She follows the rules, goes to Church with her Dad every Sunday, and os pretty sexually naïve… sheltered as we used to describe kids. Someone starts a rumor that Alice “tossed” a boy’s “salad” at a party and the rumor spreads like wildfire. Even the teachers know about it, and she loses her status as a gift bearer for the school’s weekly Mass. Of course, Alice doesn’t even know what “tossing salad” means (nor truthfully did I… but the movie seems to anticipate this by providing a definition to the audience at the very beginning of the film.)
All Alice knows is that she likes arm hair… like LIKES arm hair, something she discovers when she’s on an AOL chat room and someone sends her porn. That’s right, this is a film set in the early ‘00s, so if you hold any nostalgia for that time, get ready to have your fill from the era’s cheesy pop ballads to giant brick phones, to the fact that America (while starting to be so) wasn’t so health conscious that’s it not crazy to believe a teenage girl would just come home from school and snack on frosting and a giant bowl of Cheetoh’s Puffs. The nostalgia is not quite as in your face as in Captain Marvel, but it’s certainly more of a focus than it was in Lady Bird.
Yeah, you knew the comparison was coming. Let’s just be clear, this is by no means trying to be the next Lady Bird. This movie knows it’s pretty frivolous to begin with. Still, it’s hard to avoid comparison with the last big movie about a Catholic girl coming of age in the early 2000s. What I learned in watching this movie compared to Lady Bird or even Boyhood is that merely recreating aspects of my former life does not a good movie make. While I loved the fact that part of watching Lady Bird was getting to see someone shine a light on how ridiculous high school theater could be, that was never the point of the movie. Here, meanwhile, a significant purpose of the film is to highlight the fact that, yes, Kairos retreats are weird and the Church sucks. While I found myself nodding my head in agreement with what I was seeing on screen… it wasn’t exactly enjoyment as much as thinking, “yup, this is what a Kairos retreat is.” Furthermore, I feel like there are aspects of Kairos that would be great for skewering and I love the parts they absolutely nail: the cultish nature of the retreat and the pressure to frame your life in a sad way… but they ultimately take a route of criticism that is too easy and frankly is not a focus of most Kairos retreats… the focus on shaming one’s sexuality and the innate hypocrisy that behavior inevitably reveals.
If there’s a villain in this film, it’s probably the retreat leader and school priest Fr. Murphy (Timothy Simons), who gives in to rumors of Alice’s sexual impropriety as much as any schoolyard bully. No one in this whole film, from Fr. Murphy, to the head of Alice’s bunkhouse, to her small group leader, to even her best friend, takes Alice’s spiritual journey seriously, as they all assume Alice is not taking the retreat seriously as she seems to be avoiding talking about her recent, rumorous activity. Of course, there’s a bit of #MeToo hypocrisy here in that the male with whom Alice is said to have been engaged with enjoys none of the backlash that she has been dealing with. And to that degree it’s a satisfying movie in that Alice gets to dish out a little #MeToo revenge.
Still, even with all things conspiring against her, Alice retains her good spirit throughout the film… as well as her determination to further explore her sexuality. On the one hand, it’s a little unrealistic the risks she takes in trying to learn more about her body, but on the other hand teenagers and young adults are friggin’ weird when it comes to figuring out themselves. Ultimately she is emboldened in this take once she finds out that all those people who are out to get her to confess her “sins” are sinners in much the same way.
Probably the best scene comes at the end of Alice’s third day of the retreat when she runs away from the retreat center and walks into a lesbian bar where she hears the story of someone who used to be Catholic and is now not. More important than anything she could learn at the retreat, this Iowa girl learns that some normal people… just don’t have a religion. For some people this world, its pleasures, its pains, is more than enough. Alice doesn’t become a full-blown hedonist after this, but she is opened up to realize there’s more to life than Catholic guilt.
Perhaps to make this good message ring out, the film as a whole, despite some absurdist elements, feels like it’s meant to be a somewhat accurate reflection of reality. I wish the writer/director, Karen Maine had tried for a slightly more absurdist approach or taken out the absurdity altogether. She already makes the Catholic high school authority more caricature than character, and the plot at timesis almost silly. Therefore, the tone of the movie just sorta feels off throughout. Just about the only thing keeping this movie grounded is a great performance by Dyer who portrays a genuine sexual awakening very faithfully, capturing the mix of confusion, guilt, and excitement all at once. Even when Alice does something downright stupid, Dyer’s performance engenders our trust from the start, and we are always on her side. I wish I could have liked this movie more as it really does accurately portray some aspects of a Kairos retreat and is about as close as I think I’ll get to having it portrayed in a major film, but ultimately by not treating the Church authority with the same amount of nuance paid to Dyer’s Alice and her sexual awakening, the film ends up being an enjoyable, if one-noted, experience. Come to make fun of Catholics, stay for Dyer’s performance.
**7/8 (Two and seven-eighths out of four stars)
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Pragma or Philia
Summary: I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to re-read it. I think Y/n has trouble opening up to people and then something happens between her and Nico
Word count: nearly 2k
A/N: Sorry in advance of I don't get the personalities of the characters right. It's been a while since I read the books. The characters do not belong to me and neither does the story. They belong to Rick Riordan and you belong to you. I'm sorry if it's kinda weird. It's okay if you cringe (I cringed as I wrote it). Also, Pragma is longstanding love in Ancient Greek and philia is deep friendship in Ancient Greek.
Warning: none that I remember.
I looked over at my brother, Percy, as he trotted towards me. I started speed walking away. I knew he wanted to introduce me to his friends. But my anti-social ass always told him that I already had enough friends. Which was half true. Half true because I already did have enough friends. Half lie because I didn't have any friends,
I started to jog when I felt that my half-brother was gaining up on me. Soon, I was sprinting across camp to get away from Percy. Other campers watched in amusement as the two children of Poseidon chased each other. Well, for them the one child of Poseidon. As they surely didn't know who I was. There were only a few people who I had actually talked to. Those people were Percy, Chiron, Annabeth, Connor & Travis Stoll, Nico di Angelo and Jen, the satyr that had brought me to Camp Half-Blood over six years ago.
I had been in camp longer than Percy had. For most of my life here, I had slept in the Hermes cabin and lived there with the Stolls. No, they weren't my friends. Like I said before, I have no friends. They are more like allies or partners in crime. But anyway, I wasn't claimed until one year after Percy had arrived.
On one hand, I was glad I didn't have to sleep in a cabin crowded with thieves every night. On the other hand, I felt left out. Why hadn't my father noticed me until after two of his sons arrived at the camp? One of them being a cyclops. Was I not enough to be noticed? I mean, for more than half of my life I spent it on praying to Olympus for one of the gods to claim me. And then, after a lunatic with a sword comes along is when I finally get noticed. That lunatic had no idea what he was doing half of the time by the way. But he saved the world twice so I guess that makes up for it.
I held no grudge against Percy or Tyson though. What was the point? They didn't have the fault and besides, what was done was done.
"Y/n!" Percy panted as he grabbed my arm, stopping me and my thoughts. "Stop! I want to introduce you to my friends."
"That's exactly what I've been avoiding Percy," I say as I squirm out of his grip. "I also have enough friends as it is."
"You don't have any friends," he says bluntly. 'Wow,' I think to myself. 'So nice.'
"That's the point."
"Whatever," he says and grabs my hand. "You are going to meet my friends." I groaned and rolled my eyes.
"You can be so annoying sometimes," I say, but Percy ignored me and continued to drag me to the Poseidon cabin. He slammed open the door and seven faces turned to look at us. Between them, I recognized Annabeth, Nico and a girl that Annabeth seemed to hang out with a lot. Although I did not know her name. Percy sat me down on one of the bunks. He later sat down next to Annabeth on the bunk opposite mine. The others were already sitting down. I was sat down. I was next to Nico, who had a look that read he was sorry for me. I gave him the same look.
Nico was the closest thing I have to a friend. We used to have talks together about how the camp could improve and how the gods always sent demigods into their fights. In fact, it was our very first conversation together.
I leaned back against the wall as Percy introduced me to the group. I put on my annoyed face, but on the inside, I felt touched that Percy really cared for me enough to take his time to gather up people for me to meet them. As soon as he found out that I was his sister he tried to break down the walls that I had created around me. But so far the only person that had managed to do that was the person that was sitting next to me.
"How come I've never seen you around then?" asked the Latino boy next to the girl whose name I learned was Piper. I shrugged.
"I tend to keep to myself," I say. "I don't think you should be asking that question. I don't see you that much around camp either."
The boy blushed a deep crimson and I saw a bit of his hair go on fire before it went out. I huffed out a laugh. 'Okay,' I think. 'He has pyrokinesis.'
There was silence in the room and the tension was so thick you could've cut it with a knife. Percy must have noticed this and coughed to catch everyone's attention. "How 'bout we play some game?" he says. "Any suggestions Piper?"
Piper sighed. "Do I really need to say it? I think you already know what I'm going to say."
Percy had a confused look on his face as he said, "Seven minutes in heaven?"
Piper, who had already stood up to the center of the room whacked him on the back of the head. "No you dumb ass," she says. "Don't make me any more of an Aphrodite child than I have to."
I smirked. 'I like her.'
"I think you might just be the only person that I actually like in this room, Piper," I laugh out. I heard Nico making a choking noise next to me. I wondered but left it for later. Percy, meanwhile, looked at me with a hurt look. "Oh don't be a baby Percy. You'll always be my brother, I have to love you."
Annabeth smiled and Piper sat down on the floor. "Nice to know Y/n," she says. "It's also a refreshing sight to see Percy the one being sassed so thank you."
"It's no problem," I say. "If you want any more refreshing sights you should hang out with us at the Poseidon table during lunch."
"Could we just move on with what we were previously doing?" asks Percy, looking between me and Piper with a desperate look.
"Well, I was going to say we should play truth or dare."
I jumped off of the bed. "Truth or Dare!?!! This is my jam!" Nico looked at me weirdly. Probably because of my change in attitude around him. I was usually more like him, now I was showing my more Percy-like self. I moved to sit in front of Piper.
"Since you're so excited, Y/n, why don't you go first?" says Leo. "Truth or Dare?"
"Dare," I say.
[Time Skip. I'm sorry.]
We had played a few rounds of Truth or Dare. At the moment, Percy was dressed up as Ariel (which he didn't mind), Leo had red war paint and Jason was wearing a pink princess dress. Nico's face, unfortunately, had been decorated with makeup and glitter by Hazel.
"Y/n," says Piper and I looked at her. "Truth or Dare?"
"You already know my answer Piper," I say and she smirks.
"I dare you to kiss the person to your left," she says and my heart drops. I look over to my left and see that Leo's face was flushing a deep red. Judging from the heat I felt in my cheeks mine was probably in the same condition. He turns to look at me and we both lean in. Our lips met in a kiss. It wasn't just a peck, but it wasn't a full-on makeout session. We both pulled apart and I looked down at the ground in embarrassment.
I didn't dare to look at anyone. Especially Nico. 'Darn it,' I curse to myself. 'Why couldn't Piper have said "to your right"?' Yep that's right. I had a crush on the Ghost King. On the only person that managed to break down my walls.
I was still looking down when Nico finally decided to stand and leave. I looked up just in time to see the door slam shut.
"Nico!" I called out for my only friend. I stood up and headed outside to look for Nico. I looked around to see if I could find him. After about ten seconds I saw him going to the forest, and even from here, anger radiated off of him. "Nico, wait!"
I chase after him but he seemed to walk faster when he heard my voice. 'Now I know how Percy falt about a half hour ago.' I started to run as to not lose him from sight. I nearly crashed into him when he stopped all of a sudden.
"Why don't you just go and play Truth or Dare with Leo," he said as he gestured to the cluster of cabins behind me. 'Wait, did he say Leo?'
"Nico, I wasn't playing Truth or Dare with just Leo," I say and he mumbles something under his breath. "What?"
"I said that it looked like it," Nico rolled his eyes and continued walking into the forest. But he didn't go very far after I grabbed his arm. I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to read his poker face. Then I realized what was going on.
"Are you jealous of Leo?" I ask and Nico looks down. I burst out laughing and Nico goes even more red in the face. I wipe away a tear from my eye. "You are jealous of a guy I just met literally less than an hour ago. Oh, my gods." I catch my breath and Nico looks at me with a grumpy pout. I pinch his cheek. "You are actually really cute when you're jealous."
I give him a peck on the lips and he blushes fifty different shades of red. My eyes widen as I just realized what I had done. "I'm so sorry Nico," I say as a fidget with the hem of my shirt. "You probably don't even like me."
Before I could say anything else he cupped my face in his hands and placed a soft kiss. I slowly kissed back and hugged him once he pulled away. "I really like you Y/n," he says into my hair.
"I really like you too, Nico," I say and peck his nose. There was a moment of silence. "I'm guessing this is the part where you ask me out?"
"Well, I was thinking more about asking you to be my girlfriend-"
"Yes," I said interrupting him. "I'll be your girlfriend." He grinned his grip around my waist got stronger. "Should we go and share the news?"
Nico paused to pretend he was thinking, "Nah," he says after a while. "They've been trying to get us together for the past year. Let them suffer."
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Hi ! How about hdcs about the whole RFA and MC going on vacations together like in a vacation camp or totally in a the backcountry of a foreign country idk haha (I love your work, please keep going ! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧)
awe thank you!! writing about mysme makes me really happy so im definitely not stopping anytime soon ^o^
Since im greek i figure-what if the RFA gang takes a trip to Athens? >:3
* It was actually V that suggested they all take a trip together, and well, he and Jumin, being the rich kids they are, decided staying in the country just isn’t good enough, nope
* Well, none of the other members were about to complain over a free vacation, so they agreed on travelling to Greece-they all constantly heard what an exotic destination it is, the gorgeous sandy beaches and friendly locals....
* ...What they weren’t expecting was the busy bustling city they landed in, the fast cheerful way people would speak fire-speed greek to them, and the driving-god the DRIVING
* ((Seven offered to be the designated driver so that they won’t have to split into cabs all the time to go places and boy-BOY. It’s bad enough that he drives like a maniac in wide highways and streets, but his driving + the narrow greek roads with cars parked in any and all directions? Chaos ensued))
* Despite the cultural shock they all actually really enjoy their time in Athens-there’s always something to do, the weather is beautiful, and from the roof of their hotel they get a view all the way to the Acropolis, the sunset mesmerizing as they all lean on the terrace balcony together, content to look to the sky in silence
* Jaehee was the most relucant to come to this vacation trip-going on vacation is great, definitely, but going on vacations with your boss is an entirely different matter
* Yet it seemed like the greek air affected Jumin differently-he’s more calm, exchanging his usual suit and tie for casual polo shirts and jeans, a sight that leaves even Zen wide-eyed; who knew the trust-fund kid had more than just suits in his closet?!
* V is the happiest of them all though-to be able to be here, to see his beloved RFA, his family laughing and having fun together, explroing a new city with them in tow-this minty man’s as happy as can be, and will take every chance he gets to take commemorative photos of each of the members, and definitely a few selfies with all of them
* Yoosung actually brought his laptop with him, certain he’ll be spending some time alone in the hotel room playing games, but he in fact doesn’t turn his pc on even once-they all spent every day exploring and visiting tourist attractions, and by night time he actually spends a lot of time just chilling and talking with Seven who he’s sharing a room with, surprised to find out so much more about his best friend in their time this close together
* Zen...poor Zen is literally stopped every five minutes and is asked for a picture. Many people don’t even know who he is, but seeing a man so attractive and foreign walk around, many older ladies figure he must be some sort of popular actor their daughters will scream over if they see
* He’s even stopped while visiting the Acropolis museum, made to pose beside different statues to see how much he resembles them-from the physique to the bone sculpture to the slope of his jaw, people stare as he passes by, his white hair nearly matching the colorus of the sculptures
* Jaehee actually has to shield him more than once and drag him through the crowd so he won’t get stuck there lmao
* Speaking of Jaehee, this girl deserved this break more than anyone else! She’s so used to being busy, that at first she really doesn’t know what to do with herself. What do you mean she can just take it easy and relax for a couple days?! She has to pinch herself to make sure this is real
* She’ll be the one to spend the most time by the pool, simply laying on her towel as she takes in the bright warm sun, or simply lounging in the pool, oftentimes joined by MC as they drink colourful cocktails and talk about tomorrow’s plans
*My girl is just Vibing bc it’s what She Deserves ok lmao
* Jumin definitely tries to pick up and take back with him every single cat he sees down the street (and fair warning for anyone who doesn’t know-there’s a L O T of cats in Greece)
* Will definitely plan to open a big cat shelter in the heart of the city as soon as their vacation is over
* MC convinces them all to try ouzo, an anise-flavored alcoholic drink that’s...way, way stronger than one would initially expect
* It’s hilarious to see Zen and Jumin try and outdrink one another-Jumin simply vibing and sipping his drink as Zen furiously chugs down glass after glass simply to show he can
* Poor V has to carry Jumin back to the hotel, as Seven has to ask Yoosung to help him carry Zen as well
* They all decide to try and learn some greek while they’re there; Jumin and V try and learn helpful phrases like ‘Kalimera’ (Good morning), ‘Ti kaneis?’ (How are you/What are you doing), and so on while Seven, who already speaks greek, teaches Yoosung and Zen the worst curse words he can think of
* Of course he’ll tell Yoosung to say something out loud in the middle of a resturaunt, saying it simply means cheers or something
* Cue Yoosung getting up, his glass of wine in his hand as he cheers ‘MALAKA!’ (= asshole). V’s whole face becomes cherry red as he realises just what Yoosung has yelled out, the rest of the resturaunt patrons turning to look to them and laugh
* ((Seven has the whole thing filmed and will never let Yoosung forget about it lmao))
* All in all...it’s a fun holiday. They all really deserve a break, and honestly, Cheritz, please give these babies the joy they deserve, pls
-send me scenarios/headcanons for mystic messenger characters to react to-
#im greek but not from athens but boi i love athens sm#my brother lives there so im planning to visit him again soon#mystic messenger#mysme#mystic messenger headcanons#mysme headcanons#mysme prompts#mystic messenger prompts#mysme vacations#mysme v#mysme 707#mysme zen#yoosung kim#jaehee kang#hyun ryu#jumin han#luciel choi#saeyoung choi#jihyun kim#mysme MC#silverninja48
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