Bloody hell I love the guy but stephen mulhern certainly has his fingers in a lot of pies rn 😂 Can't believe he's doing dancing on ice tbh. Not into it myself but my mum forces me too watch it as well as strictly aha

Ok so I decided to finally post the promised: defending Romione (🥺💗💕💖💞💘) against Dr*mione (ಠಿ_ಠ) shippers.

So I've read a few posts about Dr*mione shippers, talking about why their ship is amazing (which had nothing to do with canon btw) and bashing Ron (for no reason) and I'm literally shaking out of anger.

Here are my thoughts:

1. "Ron is too dumb for hermione"

Stop- Just-

Stop.

RON IS NOT DUMB.

Yes, he might not be very interested in school subjects, but 👏 that 👏 doesn't 👏 mean 👏 he 👏 is 👏 dumb 👏.

He is actually very smart! He beat McGonagall's chess game, he is logical and quick-thinking. There's MANY examples of this that I won't name right now, but it's a canonical fact. Ron. Is. Not. Dumb.

And consider he was dumb. So? Would that stop Romione from happening? NO! Hermione didn't mind Ron not being smart. She was just upset that Ron was lazy and wouldn't study anything until the last minute. She wanted to get both Harry and Ron to study according to a schedule.

Is it clear? Intelligence doesn't determine love.

**And this is something that confuses me. This doesn't have anything to do with the point, but why does nobody realize that Harry isn't much smarter than Ron? Yes, he was better at DADA but that requires TALENT, not intelligence. And I'm pretty sure we all know that Ron is talented as well (hopefully everyone realizes that). Nobody uses the fact that Harry wasn't intelligent against Harmione, but everyone uses the fact that Ron wasn't intelligent against Romione. The double standards tear apart the fandom.

2. "Ron bought hermione perfume and Draco could get her something better."

Soooo, you're saying that just because Ron didn't have the money that Draco had means that Hermione didn't deserve Ron?

Wow, this just says a lot about you dr*mione shippers. You only care about the money that Draco has, not his personality. You don't like Ron because he's poor (and I know how FanFics give the "kind Draco" Ron's canon personality so the only "problem" with Ron is his looks and lack of money). And you don't see Hermione nor Ron the way they are. This "point" of yours is literally stating that Hermione should be a gold-digger and get Draco because he can get her the expensive presents that she deserves. Yikes.

3. "Draco can understand the emotional side of Hermione while Ron can't."

Wait

What?

WHERE DO YOU GET THIS IDEA FROM-

Draco is only EVER concerned about his own self, he is a NARCISSIST. He would NEVER care for someone (let alone Hermione) as purely and truly as he cared about himself. He didn't even care about Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy Parkinson etc. He was selfish. The only reason he could express his emotions was because he had to go through a lot since he realized that killing Dumbledore wasn't as easy as bullying Hermione. This would never ever work.

And even if Ron didn't understand her as much, he STILL comforted her. Take the beginning chapters of The Deathly Hallows as an example. You'll see.

4. "Ron is too immature."

I need help.

Of course Ron was immature when he was 11!! Yes, he acted immaturely many times, yes, he made many mistakes, but guess what? He changed! He changed for Hermione!! Draco didn't change at all, not for Hermione, nor for anyone else. He remained the same bratty bully.

If you could reread the books and read prisoner of azkaban vs deathly hallows, you will definitely see how much Ron has matured. He doesn't argue with Hermione anymore, he comforts her, he's there for her. Yes, he made a mistake but he was manipulated by the horcrux! We don't blame Ginny for what tom riddle's diary made her do, do we? So stop blaming Ron!

Anyways, I think if dr*mione shippers have read the books, they'll know what I'm talking about when I say Ron changed for Hermione. I honestly don't know how you could miss Ron's character arc.

5. "Ron would be jealous of the brilliant Hermione."

What?

If I remember correctly, the reason Draco bullied the trio was because he was jealous of them. His jealousy turned into a 7 year torture for the trio and now you're saying that Ron is the jealous one? Please.

But anyways, Ron has been jealous of Harry and has made a few mistakes. But there are reasons behind them and I can defend him for each of these with arguments other than "everyone makes mistakes" (cough cough* Draco stans* cough cough).

First of all, Ron has admitted being jealous of Harry's fame because he lives with 5 older brothers who outshine him. But that's not really a mistake because he never let it get in his way. There were only 2 situations in 7 years when he left Harry out of jealousy but I think these have different explainations.

No1 Ron left in goblet of fire. I think the real reason that Ron let his jealousy get in his way this time, was not only because Harry got to participate in the tournament which could bring him eternal glory, but more likely because he was disappointed that his own best friend didn't even tell him that he was entering and didn't even help him participate (which wasn't true, but Ron thought so back then).

No2 Ron left in deathly hallows. This one was 100% because of the horcrux and I think we should all accept this by now and stop hating on Ron for being affected by dark magic.

And just like that, Ron never let his jealousy get in his way of friendships. I can't think of a situation where Ron is jealous of the brilliant Hermione so if you remember, please let me know so I can argue against it. <3

6. "Ron and Hermione would break up and remain friends, it's easy to imagine because they didn't have a strong relationship."

This was actually said, someone actually said this-

I'm just going to say that Ron and Hermione are happily married to this day (which definitely proves that their relationship is strong) and give the dr*mione community a moment of silence.

7. "Ron didn't do anything for Hermione and was just a jerk."

Coming from a person who has read and reread the books multiple times, I can assure you that Ron did many things for Hermione.

Of course, he was immature at first, he was mean to her, but slowly he started seeing more of the good in Hermione and started changing for her.

And even when he was immature, he still cared about Hermione and would protect her no matter what.

Let's remember how many times rubbish Ron stood up for Hermione against the brilliant bully Draco. 🥰

Let's remember how cowardly Ronald faced his fears of spiders to help Hermione (and the rest of the school, just how jerkier can he get?). 🥰

Let's remember how ridiculous Ronniekins stood up for Hermione against sensational Snape and got himself into detention (oh yes, this is the book version of the movie moment where Ron agrees with Snape about Hermione being an 'insufferable know-it-all'). 🥰

Let's remember how rotten Ronny comforted Hermione when she was worried about Hagrid and Buckbeak (and he even let her hug him and cry on his shoulder, how rude). 🥰

Let's remember how revolting Ronald sacrificed himself to save Harry and Hermione in the chess game. 🥰

Let's remember how horrendous Ron attempted to hex Draco when he used a slur that was meant to offend Hermione. 🥰

Keep in mind that all of these were done when Ron was still immature and still argued a lot with Hermione.

And these aren't even all.

8. "Ron and Hermione have a loveless marriage."

What the-

I'm sorry, I'm trying to be respectful here but this is crap. And the fact that the person said they also had "proof" from the c*rsed ch*ld but didn't want to spoil it-

As much as I hate the c*rsed ch*ld, I can tell you that it did its job portraying Ron and Hermione's unconditional love. Even in alternative realities, where they didn't get married, they were still in love.

And why would you even think that Ron and Hermione would marry and have kids if they didn't love each other? I need explainations.

Next.

9. "Ron never listens to Hermione."

I'm sorry, what? I'm genuinely confused??

What do you even mean by this? Yeah, they used to argue a lot, and? Ron thinks Hermione is brilliant and wonderful and he follows her advice. I can't recall a moment where Ron won't listen to Hermione, doesn't agree with her and ruins her plans. Anyone else?

Since this one is a big mess and a confusion, I'll move on to the next one until someone explains the points and arguments.

10. "Draco could make Hermione laugh while Ron couldn't."

....

Do I really need to say anything for this one?

Ron was the funniest one from the trio, that's why Harry enjoyed his company so much! Don't you remember the line in goblet of fire where Harry thinks about how much he misses having Ron as his best friend, because without him there's less fun and less laughs? I do.

But what I don't remember is finding Draco's sense of humor funny. I'm sorry but his intellectual level is almost as low as Crabbe and Goyle's. His insults are none other than Potty and Weaselbee, he only got 3 O.W.L.s and all of his jokes were stupid and dumb and their only purpose was insulting people he was jealous of.

These fanfics have rotten people's brains...😬

Anyways, I'm going to stop here. I've delayed this post for very long and I'm so excited to finally post it!

I read a book on wattpad by a dr*mione shipper and it was nothing but a giant headache. That's where I got all of these statements from. Most of the garbage in the book revolved around Draco and Hermione being inseparable and getting over all obstacles (wth) and other stupid stuff like that which really annoyed me. The book was called "why we love dr*mione" and it was by Bittenwizard. You can read and enjoy! Trust me, you'll have lots of content to post about after that 🤠👍

*I always try to be respectful to all ships, but sometimes some of them really anger me because the ships are either toxic or the arguments are plain trash. I'm sorry if I offend anyone.

Thank you for reading this. If you're a dr*mione shipper, I hope I've convinced you to give up the ship or come up with better arguments for it.

If you're an anti-dramione I hope you enjoyed the post. I'll delight you with more anti-toxic-ships content. :)

Thank you once again! <3

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

------------------------------------------------

Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

by far the funniest christmas present i got was this comment on my Cassandra/Agamemnon non-con fanfic about how ACTUALLY in the ORIGINAL story Agamemnon didn’t rape her

i don’t think it’s worth replying to the comment itself but i have so many thoughts i gotta put them somewhere

1. love a fanfic comment that opens with “the writing is great BUT”

2. if this matters so much to you, why read my very clearly marked non-con fanfic, written for a non-con exchange, with fairly detailed tags?

3. if you read a fanfic knowing the characterization is going to bother you, why leave a comment about it? what makes you think the author is going to care?

4. absolutely can’t stop laughing at the juxtaposition of Homer as Aeschylus as “older” sources and Euripides as a “newer” source, when Aeschylus and Euripides were born mere decades apart and Euripides was an adult by the time Aeschylus died 

5. can’t imagine reading any of these sources and thinking Agamemnon and Cassandra have some kind of mutually consensual relationship (she’s his slave! he led the siege that wiped out her entire city and most of her family!), but as far as how they’re actually portrayed: Cassandra absolutely doesn’t appear in the Odyssey! Agamemnon shows up a couple of times as a ghost, but this is all he has to say about her:

But the death-shriek of Cassandra, Priam’s daughter— most pitiful thing I heard! My treacherous queen, Clytemnestra, killed her over my body, yes, and I, lifting my fists, beat them down on the ground, dying, dying, writhing around the sword. 

which gives us absolutely no insight on how SHE felt, and basically just tells us that Agamemnon was upset at listening to her be murdered

6. The Aeschylus play Agamemnon is the only source i’ve read where they’re in the same place at the same time, and they don’t really interact! Agamemnon leaves Cassandra to the other household slaves and is basically just like “this is my war prize, take her inside and be nice to her.” Cassandra mostly talks to the chorus, and is EXTREMELY unhappy to be here because she can see that she and Agamemnon are about to be murdered by Clytemnestra! She’s angry at Clytemnestra and seems upset about Agamemnon’s impending death, but given the context both of those things make perfect sense and don’t necessarily mean that she cares about him!

after Cassandra and Agamemnon are both dead, Clytemnestra calls Cassandra his “loving mistress” but Clytemnestra just met Cassandra and knows literally nothing about their relationship! anything she says about them is pure speculation.

7. Agamemnon doesn’t appear in The Trojan Women. Talthybius describes him as being in love with Cassandra, and he is said to have voted against killing Polyxena for Cassandra’s sake, but that’s about all we get, and none of it comes from Agamemnon directly. Cassandra expresses no reluctance about being given to Agamemnon - there’s a LOT going in her scenes and i could talk about it for ages, but the general impression i get is that she knows what’s going to happen to her and isn’t interested in fighting it. She’s bitter, but resigned, and even takes some pleasure in the knowledge that many of the people responsible for Troy’s fall have tragedies of their own ahead.

8. this whole thing feels extra ironic because i was just bitching to Anna the other day on discord about consensual Hades/Persephone retellings, and these messages she sent me during that conversation feel relevant here as well:

The Joker x Reader - “Trapped” Part 3

Almost one year ago, someone tried to kill The Joker in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way, getting hit instead. With a fractured skull and broken bones, she was out of business for 6 months; when she finally recovered, The Queen of Gotham wasn’t the same anymore. Trapped inside her own mind and exhibiting severe cognitive impairment, Y/N’s life switched upside down without any hope of ever returning to normal.

Part 1       Part 2     Part 4     Part 5

Same day, later in the evening

“What are you doing, Pumpkin?” The Joker crawls next to you although he has an idea about why you look upset.

You’re on your tummy scribbling on a piece of paper and he can tell you are concentrating hard while working on the current project: writing down your name. Only got the first three letters then the rest went blank.

“I….I can’t think…” you intensely stare at the blue pen in between your fingers.

“Of course you can!” J reaches over so he can guide your arm since it’s clear you need help. “There you go… done. Now try to copy it bellow, alright?”

“Hm?”

“Try again Princess,” he taps on the sheet and watches Y/N struggling to imitate the word. “Well done!” The King of Gotham praises. “Wanna give it a shot with a few more simple words?”

“Mmmm…” you debate. “OK?...”

You analyze The Joker’s movements as he depicts four letter words, one of them getting your attention in particular.

“Love?” you smile, happy you deciphered the meaning.

“Yes, a basic…”

“Love?” you scoot over, more and more excited and it clicks for your boyfriend.

“It’s just an example for you to exercise and relearn how to write, understand? It doesn’t mean anything!”

You giggle and touch his nose with yours.

“Love!”

“No Pumpkin! I don’t love you, how did you get such atrocity from my note??!! It has no hidden meaning! I barely, from very afar, remotely, not even similar to love, sort of like you and that’s it!”

You snicker and quickly slide to grab the yellow teddy bear, whispering in its ear:

“Love.”

“Aren’t you listening Princess?? Don’t start fake rumors!!”

Still…Y/N lives on her own little planet and her damaged brain grasped a wonderful concept despite The Clown vehemently dismissing his actions.

“Serves me right for being supportive,” he grumbles and resorts to diversion, the best weapon against your new found logic.

“Wanna read to me?” he points at the pile of children’s books resting on the nightstand: they are the best to use in your present circumstance.

“… … Read?... ” you ask, confused.

“Here,” J picks a random publication and gives it to you.

Might as well fully take advantage.

“Spoil me!” he buries his cheeks in your cleavage, guiding your free hand towards his green locks.

You never figured out how he doesn’t suffocate with his face glued to your skin; sometimes he sleeps like that for hours. Must be a special talent.

“The … ummm… the…. The duck…” you read the first page and massage his scalp, frowning at the words you can’t make sense of. “Cross… … crossed?...”  

“Yeah,” The Joker’s mumbled voice agrees.

“… the… g-glass…” you stutter at the sentence.

“Grass,” J corrects you.

“Hm?...”

“Grass Pumpkin, not glass.”

“Ummm… grass…” you continue to read the best way you can and he rectifies your errors until no more sounds emerge: The King is softly purring, a clear indication he’s dreaming.

You toss the book on the floor, fed up with the difficult task of organizing your thoughts; pampering him is better. You slowly tilt his head backwards so you can kiss him: The Joker frowns in his daze and you pinch his butt, chuckling.

“What is it?” he opens one eye and you pull down on his boxers. “Princess, we had sex an hour ago. Do you think I run on batteries?” the complaint is fast to follow.

... … … Batteries?... …                                            

You jump from the bed and stump to the closet, fumbling around for a couple of minutes before returning to a puzzled Clown.

You stretch the elastic of his underwear, dropping two batteries you snatched from the flashlight inside.

“How… how long do we w-wait?” you innocently ask.

The Joker bites his lip, attempting to contain himself yet he can’t: he bursts out laughing at your quirky solution while dragging you on top of him.

“You’re the funniest and smartest person I know, Pumpkin!” he cracks up, actually convinced he’s telling the truth. “Who’s my clever girl, huh?”

He’s talking about a girl again…What girl?...

Y/N peeks behind her and J reminds his baffled half:

“For God’s sake, Princess! I’m talking about you; you’re my girl! Can you get my phone?” he gestures at his mobile ringing by your pillow.

You give the cell to J, ignoring his conversation with Frost: you keep kissing him with the sole purpose of getting undivided affection.

“I guess Adam is here to pick up the cars you damaged,” he finally ends his chat. “Let’s go supervise the process. Don’t be disappointed, Pumpkin, we’ll have fun later. It’s your fault for destroying my collection!”

****************

The Joker watches his crew sweeping the concrete in the garage: broken glass, pieces of metal and debris scattered on the pavement after his vehicles were hauled inside huge trucks in order to be transported to Adam’s workshop for repairs.

“Thanks a lot, Y/N!” he growls, frustrated.

“Y-you’re welcome,” you serenely reply without a care in the universe.

“You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me, Princess!” he huffs at your indifference.

“Love,” you confess to the fluffy toy squished in your embrace.

“I heard that and it’s an aberration! Why do you keep persisting with this nonsense?! I’m literally stating the opposite!” J admonishes but who’s listening to him?

Not Y/N.

“Nolan is texting me,” he changes subject. “He wants me to meet him at his warehouse to inspect the boxes of ammo for the deal. Will you accompany me?”

“Hm?”

“Car ride?” The King of Gotham simplifies his request.

“U-hum!” you nod, preparing to enter the purple Lamborghini which luckily wasn’t in the garage when you smashed J’s cars.

“Frost, if you see me parked up the street in the driving alley, don’t come investigate, got it? This woman’s been pestering me for extracurricular activities, might not make it inside the mansion.”

“Of course, sir!” Jonny finds it wise to consent to his boss’s rambling.

“Tell everyone: if the Lamborghini’s rockin’, don’t come knockin’!”

**************

You’re sitting on J’s lap, completely blocking the arrangements happening at the table: you’re more preoccupied with your game than whatever it is they are negotiating about.

“What are you playing, Y/N?” Nolan curiously inquires because your thumbs are surely moving at a crazy speed on your cell’s screen.

“Hm?” you stop and gaze his way.

“What are you playing?” the man repeats.

“Mmmmm… Tetrixx Bricks.”

“What level are you on?” Nolan leans over, his eyes getting big at the revelation. “Holy shit, Y/N! How did you make it this far??! I’ve been striving to pass level 98 for a month!”

“She’s smart, that’s how!” your boyfriend sassily underlines.

“Do you think that you can help me?” the guy slides his phone in front of you.

“I’m sorry, is this a gaming party or a business matter?!” The Joker scoffs.

“Well, we’re pretty much done: we accepted the terms, we just have to move the merchandise in the morning.”

You are already matching the colorful blocks on Nolan’s game, his face ecstatic when the obnoxious song announces with great fanfare: “Level Up!”

“Holy cow!!!!” he shouts and you return his phone. “Thank you!”

“Hey Y/N,” one of the mobster’s henchmen dares to voice his demand. “Would you help me too? I’m stuck on level 76.”

“I’m dead on 105,” another goon mumbles under his breath, stepping in the line forming to your left.

J would normally cut off this useless waste of his precious time yet he can’t deny the gratification building up in his heart: heavens knows how it feels to be trapped inside your own mind and his girl has definitely battled unimaginable odds to be where she’s at right now.

Living with cognitive impairment is not easy, but she’s still here and it beats the alternative.

“Good job, Pumpkin!” The Clown boasts at the long string of cell phones parading through your fingers while you aid Nolan’s team leveling up on Tetrixx Bricks.

And somehow his hands are holding you tighter, not even bored with the random outcome of his meeting.

**************

You escaped on the terrace for a break and J is discussing the last details with your host: tomorrow you have a routine checkup, thus he has to wrap it up soon.

“Out of my way, half-wit!” Derek aka Nolan’s oldest son pushes you. Would he have done it if you were the same individual from almost a year ago? Nope. Apparently he believes he’s entitled to take advantage of Y/N since she’s alone outside.

“Why did Mister Joker bring you anyway?” he lights up a cigarette, annoyed. “Stupid monosyllabic bitch!” he ogles your summer dress, swiftly lifting it. “Are you wearing diapers?” he chuckles as you walk backwards, trying to process what he’s throwing at you. “Come on, show me!” he approaches and carefully scouts the premises to ensure you two don’t have company.

Perhaps the neurons in your brain are overcharged for the moment; nevertheless, they warn of imminent altercation: the dude’s a total douchebag.

“Are you shy?” Derek grins. “C’mon, lemme see!! Oooohh…fuuuuck…” he bends over in pain when your knee unexpectedly kicks him in the crotch: you used all your strength and he drops down, curling up in a ball. “God…dammit!” Derek shrieks at the defense he didn’t anticipate.

“I…I’m not wearing diapers!” you stammer and because he landed on the edge of the pool you roll him in the water also.

The loud splash makes The Joker wave at you, glad he eventually found you: he’s been searching around the warehouse for the last 5 minutes.

“There you are! Quit playing around, Pumpkin; we have a swimming pool at home!”

You rush by his side eager to bail before the asshole pops up from the bottom of the pond.

“Sushi for dinner?” J suggests and Y/N is not the type of individual to reject one of her favorite dishes.

“I…I love sushi,” you smile elbowing him. “Love.”

“Don’t start with me again!” The King barks at your obvious hint.

*************

“Are you eating the last piece?” he glares at your salmon roll.

“No,” you offer the treat to him. “You…you need it more,” Y/N verbalizes her concern regarding his well-being.

“Can’t disagree, Pumpkin. You exhausted me you naughty girl,” J pretends to be super tired. “What can I do? Princess wants, Princess gets,” he inhales, resigned.

You’re not focusing on his whining: frankly, your intellect has been challenged enough for today. You cuddle in his arms while he chews on his food and watch TV without paying attention to the movie.

“Don’t forget tomorrow morning you have your doctor’s appointment,” J mentions. “I have to stay and wait for the guns I purchased from Nolan; you’ll have to manage without me. I’ll send an escort, deal?”

“U-hum.”

“Don’t yawn, Pumpkin. I’m the one that should yawn,” The Joker scratches his thigh. “This move sucks,” he pouts and turns off the TV. “I have a better idea,” he chooses a kid’s book from the stack. “Read to me.”

You open the textbook and although your brain is overwhelmed, you still make an effort for his sake.

“Mmm… Rainy… sky… Skies?...”

“Yup,” he turns on his side and nuzzles in your hair.

“Float over…hmm… t-town…”, your voice echoes in the room, soothing a worn out Joker.

Strange he can’t properly rest unless you read to him: after all J barely, from very afar, remotely, not even similar to love, sort of likes you.

Also read: MASTERLIST

You can follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

okay, today was fine, my back hurts right now but otherwise I’m good. got up, 3 court cases, only 1 of which was actually mine and the other 2 I was covering for a coworker (it’s pretty pointless for there to be more than one of us in the same courtroom doing cases and we often have cases in 2 different courtrooms at the same time, so we’ll generally assign someone to each courtroom and they’ll handle all the cases in there up that day). I got in pretty quickly because the coordinators like me now haha probably just because I’m there a lot, and the judge was in a surprisingly jovial mood, she’s generally pretty serious which I mean is generally how judges are supposed to be especially in court like this and she’s excellent at yelling at people so I always relish the chance to ask her to yell at someone lol (the legal term is “admonish” but it basically means yell at). but she was just in a  lighter mood today which was nice, i do think she’s a very good judge and is excellent at her job, unlike some other judges in the courthouse (smh). so we joked about the court call and she said it was going to be super long tomorrow so get there early if I had a case up, which I passed onto my work buddy since he’s handling cases in there tomorrow. but yeah, after court I once again fought through my temptation to take a nap and instead worked through it, until 12:30 when I had another case to cover for my work buddy set at an odd time to try to stagger cases, and it was the same judge so she laughed and said something like she had started the day with me and now she would end it with me (judges generally all do their morning calls and then do hearings later in the day or otherwise rotate the afternoon schedules, so her finishing up cases for the day made sense). That was an easy one, I had to look some stuff up last minute but I managed and it all went well, so that was good. I pretty much just worked through the afternoon after that, we were supposed to have our case acceptance meeting at 3 but it ended up getting pushed to tomorrow because our supervisor was running late and there’s always a million other things getting in the way too, but it ended up being good because I finished another intake that I can present at the meeting tomorrow which I wouldn’t have been able to do if it was today. I worked a bit after 5 and made a quick trip around the corner to the mailbox (the most I’m getting out these days) and then started prepping for small group since it started at 6, and it was a lot of fun. we were doing an asian stir fry of some sort (it was like a created recipe basically) and apple cider donut muffins, which are like knock off versions of the donuts but I have a donut pan (for baked donuts, I don’t do deep frying, that much hot oil freaks me out) so I used that instead (these sessions are always halfway between me following the instructions and me doing my own thing because I want to lol but they were very supportive of the donut pan idea and they came out super good. the stir fry was interesting, it was supposed to be using ground beef but we were told we could swap in whatever protein we wanted, and I mean even if it just called for ground beef I would’ve used ground turkey anyway because I just don’t do ground beef when ground turkey is what I’m used to (thanks mom, not sarcastically) and it’s like a lot better for you. but yeah, it had a lot of seasonings and ingredients which I think might’ve been a bit too much for me, we mixed it all with the fried rice we made and it was good it just wasn’t like my favorite thing. idk, I’ve been super happy with making egg fried rice with literally just egg, rice, soy sauce, and sesame oil used and it’s great, so maybe all of it was a bit too much for me. but it’s fine it was still good and it was fun to make, small group has always been a lot of fun this season and it always goes by so fast, I’ve really enjoyed it because it’s an environment where I’m comfortable cracking jokes and I love being able to make people laugh so I take great personal satisfaction for that, lol. we were supposed to end at 7:30 {psshhh) but we ended finishing more around 8. I went to the couch afterwards and see what the news was saying about everything for a bit and then watched I think 2 episodes of Chicago Fire before turning back onto the news past 10. I like, don’t want to get my hopes up too much because it definitely isn’t over yet and there’s still a chance the obese turtle (apparently that’s what Anderson Cooper called him on air today and that’s truly the funniest fucking thing) could win this, but we’re so close in like, every state left and we only need to win 1 to clinch this, and as the voting continues it seems like any lead the dingbat in chief had is quickly shrinking, so I can’t help but feel a little excited about that. but anyway. I watched the news and Jimmy Kimmel for a bit, and then went to shower and get ready for bed and now I’m here and of course it’s almost 2 am again because I’m very bad at handling my pre-bed evening routine. oh well. but yeah, I need to get to bed so I’m gonna do that now. Goodnight babes. Happy Friday.

My Ultimate Top 10 Favorite Drag Race Queens

#10 - Kameron Michaels: NGL, Kameron is partially on this list because I would fuck her in a heartbeat. I actually plan on making a list later of queens I would sleep with in and/or out of drag and you will definitely find Miss Michaels high on there. I’ve seen her live on the Werq the World tour and I 100% regret not getting Meet and Greet though I probably would’ve just drooled on her and made a fool of myself so maybe it’s better that I didn’t. It’s a known fact that Kameron is an incredible lip syncer (if you haven’t watched season 10, please do so just to see her in action because honestly, she’s one of the few good things about that season) and she did NOT disappoint. Her dancing was only beat out by Vanjie who you may or may not see later on this list. Kameron if you’re out there reading this (LOL, we all know she isn’t) and you ever feel like experimenting with an actual biological woman, hit me up!

#9 - Sharon Needles: And here we have another attractive man out of drag! Sharon was the OG underdog and while I’m not going to sit here and bash Phi Phi O’Hara because she’s actually talented AF (checkout her Harry Potter cosplay, it’s soooo good), Sharon definitely didn’t deserve all the shade thrown at her on season 4. Her drag aesthetic has always been equals parts spooky and equal parts fabulous, but she’s actually improved over the years and it’s made me love her even more. My favorite Sharon moment ever is during a “Queens Reading Mean Comments” video on WOWPresents’ Youtube channel where someone said they liked her old teeth better and she just goes, “Well my old teeth just looked ridiculous with my new lips!” Get ‘em, girl.

#8 - Jinkx Monsoon: I want Jinkx to be my mom. There, I said it. Also, if you don’t get that reference, get your shit together and subscribe to WOW Presents on Youtube you fucking bumpkin. Jinkx was the loveable weirdo on her season and received a lot of hate from her fellow queens but I loved her from the start. I have since forgiven Roxxxy Andrews for her cattiness because of her rudemption on All Stars 2 (insert her Read U Wrote U verse here) but nothing was more satisfying than watching Jinkx go from the underdog to America’s Next Drag Superstar. I don’t know what’s more iconic; her tendency to fall asleep at inopportune times, her laugh, or all the jokes about her being a full blown swamp witch. Either way, it will always be Monsoon season in my eyes.

#7 - Nina West: Hands down, the DEFINITION of Miss Congeniality! This choice was so obvious, I don’t even know why they took a vote. I think that even if they left it up to the fans, it would’ve been her. I fucking LOVE Nina. I’ve actually met her IRL and my first thoughts were 1: she’s HUGE (hello, she’s a six foot tall man in like 6 inch heels and I’m barely over five feet) and 2. she just radiates happiness! She is the only queen I’ve met that asked me my name (though shout out to Plastique Tiara for calling me gorgeous as if she’s not the most beautiful creature on the planet) and she didn’t make me feel like an idiot when I just stared at her adoringly and just word vomited “you’remyfavoriteiloveyousomuch”. Class act people!

#6 - Bianca del Rio: Do I even need an explanation for this one? Hands down, the undisputed winner of season 6, and that’s coming from a die-hard ***** fan (see entry #2). Did she wear the same silhouette 10+ times? Yes. Can she kind of be a bitch sometimes? Definitely. But is she the funniest fucking person alive? Probably! My love for Bianca is infinite but I still wouldn’t want her to read me, at least not in person. Actually, scratch that, I’ve seen her Twitter feed and getting read online is almost worse. I fucking love Hurricane Bianca and the sequel even though it’s one of those so-bad-it’s-good type of film series. I sadly missed her last tour because it was the same night as Sasha Velour’s Smoke & Mirrors show and as amazing as Sasha was, my heart was broken that I couldn’t go to both. But you better believe the next time she’s in town, I’m forking out lots of $$ for VIP and I may or may not faint at Bianca’s feet #noregrets

#5 - Vanessa Vanjie Matteo: Mother. Fucking. Vanjie. OKAY, I’ve met this bitch IRL and let me tell you, she is the cutest fucking thing. Like Nina, it shocked me how apparent it is that she’s a man (square jaw, hello?) but she can still paint for filth and look fishy AF even with her boyish features. Also, AMAZING performer! I waited 3 hours after the M&G for her to actually come on stage and perform only two songs (that’s a story for another day) but let me tell you, it was worth the fucking wait. I showered that bitch with Canadian monopoly money and I would’ve given her more if I wasn’t such a broke millennial. And to top the whole night off, I got woken up at 5 am to my friend screaming because Vanjie had reposted my photo in her story so I was essentially Instagram famous for all of like, a day. Thanks girl xo

#4 - Bendelacreme: I love me some Dela. This queen proved in both her regular season and All Stars that she is a force to be reckoned with. Season 6 wouldn’t have been the same without her and did I want to yell at Darienne Lake for being a bitch to her? Absolutely! (Gia Gunn pun intended) And I honestly think that if she hadn’t eliminated herself, she would’ve won AS3 (though if you read my #1 entry, I am 100% satisfied with who did win). She completely deserved her Miss Congeniality title, and while I see where the others AS3 queens were coming from when they suspected she was trying a little too hard to keep up that image, I did appreciate her trying to play the game with some class, because we don’t see that often on Drag Race. I also love her friendship with Jinkx and it’s definitely on my bucket list to see one of their shows one day. You know what they say, the Creme always rises to the top!

#3 - Brooke Lynn Hytes: Full disclosure, I’m Canadian but that’s not the only reason why I love Brooke (she is the Queen in the North though, and I’ll fight you if you say otherwise). This queen is fucking TALENTED! Season 11 would have failed without her, IMHO. She can design and sow a complete outfit, read people to filth, sort of sing (I still listen to Queens Everywhere daily, especially her verse), dance circles around ANYBODY, and lip sync like her mother fucking life depends on it. Did she, by the end of the season, forget that’s there’s more to a lip sync than being on pointe? Yes, absolutely. But that doesn’t change the fact that she is literal perfection and I think that’s why Ru gave Yvie the crown instead of her (though I love Yvie so don’t come for me). Brooke’s biggest downfall was the fact that she wasn’t relatable and I am 100% okay with that. Sometimes you just have to worship the unattainable. The only issue I have with Brooke is her and Vanjie not being officially together anymore because yes, I am one of those fans that ship queens together, especially queens that have actually dated. I will never get over #Branjie, just saying.

#2 - Adore Delano: "I'm a fucking Libra!" As soon as these words left her mouth, I knew I was in love with Adore Delano. Season 6 is by far my favorite season (spoiler alert if I decide to make a Top 10 Best Seasons list) and if it weren't for my #1 pick, she would 100% have the top spot. Hell, before I discovered WOW Presents, she WAS my #1 pick (read my next entry to understand what I mean). Adore is simultaneously adorable (pun intended) and fierce AF. She's beautiful, hilarious, and did I mention beautiful?! She is the reason I say "party" at inappropriate times. She is the reason I wish I was a Libra instead of a fucking Scorpio. She is the reason I insist everybody start their first Drag Race binge with season 6 because I know they’ll fall in love with her as much as I have. Adore, if you’re reading this, I fucking adore you.

#1 - Trixie Mattel & Katya Zamolodchikova: Of course these two are tied as my number one spot. Individually, these queens are fucking fierce and extremely talented (go download Trixie's country albums if you don't believe me), but together they are pure gold. If you've only ever watched their run on season 7, you probably don't understand why I love them so much, so do yourself a favor and go watch All Stars 2 & 3, as well as their web shows "UnHhhh", "The Trixie & Katya Show", and “Queens Who Like To Watch”. I can even give you a list of other stand alone videos of them to watch (ex. "Besties for Cash", "Fashion Photo Review", compilation videos of the pair in Palm Springs... I think you get the gist). Truth be told, I'm absolutely obsessed with these two, so much so that I may or may not have indulged in some online fan fiction about them from time to time...don’t judge me, okay?! I love a friends-turned-lovers love story, and I know I’m not the only one wishing #Trixya would happen IRL. I've also shelled out so much money to Trixie alone on her merch and makeup, and I'm waiting very impatiently for them to go on tour together so I can go full Futurama and just scream "take my money" as I buy the most VIP package they have. Trixie and Katya are the ultimate definition of All Stars and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27,  Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35,  Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44,  Chapter 45, Chapter 46, Chapter 47, Chapter 48, Chapter 49, Chapter 50, Chapter 51 Chapter 52

AO3

Huge thank you to my beta, @theministerskat for correcting the same mistakes 53 chapters in without any complaint!

picture by: Kamryn Hinojos

Chapter 53. Dust and Smiles

When I lived in Scotland I missed the sun dearly. Sunny days were treasured, and I found myself smiling without any particular reason when the sunlight snuck between the curtains of my room in the morning.

But sometimes a person can have too much sun. And too much dust stuck to their body. And there is a point when you think of rain and realise a wistful smile has appeared on your face at the thought. It’s the same moment you realise there isn’t an inch of your body not coated in grime.

I reached that exact point on a quiet afternoon in June, two weeks before I left Zambia. Some would say it had taken me long enough.

I was left alone after treating the skin wounds of a couple of five-year-old boys that had gone out ‘to explore’. Their little feet had raised tons of dust as they ran away from the clinic and the first thing that came to my mind was that I was extremely tired of washing my hair every night only to feel it dirty again by noon the following day.

Then, just before the boys disappeared out of sight, one of them turned back to look at me, white teeth stark against his dark skin as he smiled, and waved goodbye.

And suddenly, I didn’t mind the dust that much. I didn’t mind the heat, or how heavy my body felt at the end of each shift. All that mattered was their smiles when they left the clinic.

My three months in Zambia were so full of experiences, I could hardly believe it hadn’t lasted longer. I learned how to talk to people who were in pain, how to heal them or -- when this was impossible -- how to make them feel better. I learned to listen to them, to search their eyes, to read their discomfort or pain in the way they moved. And I learned how a single smile can make your day, how two skinny arms wrapped around your body or two warm hands holding yours can fill your heart to the brim.

Spending my childhood with Lamb, I was used to living amongst people who were different from me. He’d taught me to look at people and see them for all they were. Humans. Different, beautiful, every one a worthy individual.

“All people are the same,” Lamb used to say. “All genuine smiles make the eyes crinkle, all hearts beat in the same way inside our chests, not aware of colour or tribe.”

In Africa, I saw life, and I saw death. I saw the universality of pain. I felt hands squeezing mine in terror and in gratitude. And I felt full. I felt alive.

When I first decided to volunteer I had thought I would find a piece of my mother in Africa. I believed I would discover who she had been, what she had pursued in life. I didn’t. And I wasn’t disappointed, because I had found a piece of myself in the faces I met in Livingstone, and I cherished that. And maybe -- just maybe -- that piece of myself was hers. Passed down to me, together with her amber eyes, an unbreakable part of myself.

Being a volunteer had been a full time job -- and a demanding one at that. But I didn’t want to leave, not yet. I had more to give, there were people here who needed me. But I knew that my time was up. In two weeks, I would feel Scottish air against my skin once more. I would feel Lamb’s arms hugging me for a few extended moments before he would push away to look into my eyes and pet my hair the way he always did. And a week later, I would be at Lallybroch. Jenny had asked -- demanded, actually -- to spend a week or two there. She had enough of the men, she had said when we’d texted. And true to her word to her brother, she had sent me pictures of the estate, in full bloom and beauty.

Jamie would come home after the summer term. We would spend two weeks together before his next term began and I would go to Oxford. To Oxford, where -- unexpectedly -- I would find a familiar face.

Robert.

He had been different since his personal confession. His arrogance and cheeky comments hadn’t abated, but there wasn’t an edge to his voice anymore. It felt as though he needed someone to know his story, even if that someone wasn’t a friend, even if it was just me. He clammed up after that and never talked about his mother again, apart from the time he’d told me it was her wish that had brought him to Zambia as a volunteer.

We started, however, talking about literature. One evening I found him reading that fantasy book I had finished a few months ago. And when the conversation turned to our future plans after Zambia, he had looked down at me with a smirk and proudly announced that he had been admitted to Oxford University. I’d almost spit my pineapple juice out and onto his face. After that, our expectations and dreams of studying at Oxford became the most common topic of our discussions. Robert would be studying economics, expected to inherit and work in his father’s wine business in Provence. That was a relief. The last thing I wanted was to have the self-centered, competitive French on my heels through medical school. From what I had learned about him in the few months we lived together, he didn’t like being bested by anyone. And neither did I.

Jamie was the first to know I had found a fellow Oxford student in the middle of Africa. He and I had been texting and sending photos all the time, and I kept changing my screen background, choosing the funniest of the pictures he sent me. My favorite picture of him though, was the one he had sent me right after I arrived in Zambia. He was wearing a wide, silly grin as he sat in the bleachers of Michigan Stadium, my Wolverine amongst the blue and yellow sea of other students. He had sent it together with a text, shouting, “MY FIRST SPRING GAME!”

Boys.

Despite the selfies Jamie sent me every day -- in class, on his way there, before training holding the towel I had bought him, or tucked in with his blanket at night in bed, my favorite part of the week was when I saw him during our calls every weekend. I was always trying to take in every detail of him during our video chats -- his beautiful eyes, the way his curls moved as he excitedly gesticulated, his voice.

I missed him and I knew he missed me too. Even when John was present in their dorm and Jamie wouldn’t say it, his longing was obvious in the way he looked at me.

Two weeks and I would be at Lallybroch, in Jamie’s room. It made no sense for me to fly straight to Michigan with Jamie having his final classes and preparing to sit for his spring term exams. I had looked for tickets to visit him right after the exams, but the fares were too high to even consider it.  

We had agreed that it was not the ideal situation but okay nonetheless. We would survive it. At least, once I was back in Scotland, we would be able to call each other every day. As John had said, laughing, the force of the internet would be with us.

Jamie would come home at the end of August, after his summer term, and we would be at Lallybroch together, spending every single minute with each other.

“We have to make up for so much lost time,” Jamie had said to me during our last call, and the glint in his eye was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.  

A text on my phone brought me out of my reverie and I realised that I was still standing under the sun, alone, looking towards the far end of the road.

I found myself doing that a lot lately.

Scot: John’s cousin is a pain in the ass.

Sassenach: Hello to you, too.

Scot: Hi babe. John’s cousin is a pain in the ass. She called him, woke us up, and she demands that we pick her up from her hotel and show her around.

Sassenach: Well, she came to visit. Makes sense, no?

Scot: It. Is. Too. Early.

Sassenach: It’s 1 pm here!

Scot: You’re not helping. It’s 7 in the morning. Maybe I can send her there, then?

Sassenach: Is that the cocky cousin or the nice one? I doubt they’ll like the dust we have here, in any case.

Scot: The cocky one. Can I come there myself? Please?

Sassenach: Why aren't you on your way, already? :P

Scot: Don’t tempt me.

Sassenach: I don’t have anything to do right now.

Scot: We didn’t send you there to relax under the sun, Sassenach. Get that gorgeous round arse to work.

Sassenach: It seems I’ve healed all of Zambia.

Scot: So humble.

Sassenach: Always. I took lessons from the best.

Scot: Fuck you.

Sassenach: What? Since when are you talking like that? I need a selfie to make sure it’s really you.

I spent a whole minute wishing his selfie to load faster, but I ended up with a sleepy Jamie on my screen, which was worth the wait.

Sassenach: So it is you. These Americans are rubbing off on you, no? AND I DON’T MEAN IT LITERALLY. Also, fucking seems a bit difficult right now, seeing as you’re half a planet away.

Scot: But I’m ready, you know, right now.

I could almost see his pout and the challenge in his eyes when I closed my own, and I felt my cheeks turn red.

Sassenach: Okay. Shut up!

Scot: DAMN WAIT TILL I SEE YOU AGAIN. JUST WAIT.

Sassenach: Oh I’m looking forward to that.

Scot: Aaaaargh

Sassenach: Eloquent. Now get dressed, go get John and Hector, and show the girl around. She came all the way from Penrith to see Ann Arbor.

Scot: I just don’t get why I have to go, too.

Sassenach: John is your friend. This is what friends do. I spent all Saturday afternoon shopping with Louise.

Scot: I hate you.

Sassenach: Me too. Send me pictures?

Scot: Always. You too. Actually, I need one right now.

I took a picture of my dirty dusted face and sent it to him, grimacing when I saw how sloppy I looked.

Scot: You’re so tanned, I want to lick you.

Sassenach: Believe me you don’t. I’m dirty.

Scot: DIRTY? OMG STOP TALKING. I’m hard already and I have to get dressed.

Sassenach: You are ridiculous. Have I ever told you that?

Scot: Only a million times.

Sassenach: Good!

Scot: I’m going to take a cold shower AND CERTAINLY NOT THINK OF YOU.

Sassenach: I wish I was there with you.

Sending that, I actually snickered. His reply came in milliseconds.

Scot: You are a heartless, dangerous woman.

Sassenach: And yet you love me. Now go shower.

Scot: I do love you. And I’ll prove to you how much once I get my hands on you, you tease. Ttyl!

Raising my eyes from the screen, I saw Louise looking at me.

“You know I can tell when you’re texting Jamie, from that silly smile on your face?” she asked, keeping her arms crossed in front of her chest as if judging me.

“What can I do?” I didn’t try to hide my smile. “I found myself a good one.”

Louise nodded and came to stand next to me. A moment later a heavy sigh left her lips, and I noticed the shadows in her eyes. “Margaret was crying again. I tried to talk to her, but she won’t listen. She’s leaving next week and she doesn’t want to go back.”

“Makes sense.” Louise’s mood had been bad the last few days. “The moment she’ll be back, she’ll have to deal with reality. He won’t be there, and there will be no way to escape.”  

“She keeps talking in her sleep. She’s having weird dreams, you know.” Louise twisted her rings absentmindedly, not looking at me.

“I know. I woke her last night because she was murmuring and thrashing about. Jeremy was awake too, and we kept her company until she was settled again.”

“I’m sorry to see her go, especially knowing she’s still so unstable. I think her family isn’t supportive and that terrifies her even more.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Two of the volunteers I got to know had come to Zambia carrying a great emotional load and needing a chance to escape. They were trying to heal themselves through healing the others. The universality of pain, all over again.

“Charlie called me.” Louise changed the subject, this time with a smile. “He said he misses me.” She rubbed her hands against her thighs, awkwardly, but met my eyes when I turned to look at her.

“Rather convenient, wouldn’t you say? Seeing as you’re going back home next week.”

“Not all of us are strong, Claire.” Her voice was harsh and I bit my lip, regretting being so straightforward.

“You know better, I guess.”

Louise sighed again. “I wish I did, actually. I don’t know what to do when I get back to Paris.”

I placed my hand on top of her shoulder and squeezed lightly. “You don’t need to decide right now. You can meet him, see what he has to say, how he’ll explain himself.”

Louise nodded, sleek brown locks of hair escaping her loose ponytail. “I wish we were as strong as you and Jamie are. Everything would be simpler.”

“Well, it’s not like everything comes easy and we don’t try at all. We’ve just decided that being together matters the most, and we’re not sacrificing what we have just because we’re not close. We’re both stubborn and it helps -- thus far, at least.”

My phone vibrated against my leg, and I unlocked it to see a picture of Jamie and John rolling their eyes, and a girl in the background.

Sassenach: Out, already?

Scot: Yeap. She’s fourteen but she’s so bossy I think John is afraid of her.

Sassenach: And you?

Scot: I’m being a good friend, as I was advised to be. I already regret it.

Sassenach: Where are you?

Scot: Out for breakfast. She had the longest order I’ve heard in my whole life. She actually ordered something from the menu and then changed every little bit of it. It was embarrassing.

Sassenach: Leave a good tip.

Scot: We will! Hector turned red as she kept going on and gave the waitress a shy smile.

Sassenach: I wish I was there, sitting at another table just to make fun of the three of you.

Scot: Believe me, babe, if you were here I’d sit right next to you at a table in another cafe.

Sassenach: Drama queen.

Scot: You haven’t met wee Geneva yet.

Sassenach: How come she visited without her parents?

Scot: They had promised her this trip if her grades were good. They were. She’s really smart, actually. It makes her more of a pain in the ass.

Sassenach: Maybe the three of you can teach her something, you know? Humility, for example.

Scot: Not a chance.

I stuck my tongue out, took a selfie and sent it.

Scot: Don’t you show me that tongue because I have dreams about it. And I hope you’re there alone.

Sassenach: I’m with Louise! She says hi!

Scot: Hello Louise! Take care of Claire for me, okay?

Sassenach: You realise I’m still the one reading the texts, right?

Scot: Just read that one aloud.

Sassenach: I’m capable of taking care of myself, thank you.

Scot: I know. My strong and stubborn lass. John looks desperate and Hector is huffing. I’m going to save them from their misery because I’m a good friend.

Sassenach: The best! Go save them, my gallant lad!

I huffed a laugh and turned my focus back to Louise. “It was quiet today.”

“Mmmm.” Her eyes were closed, her face relaxed under the sun.

“Whatever happens with Charlie, you’re going to be fine,” I said, using my most reassuring tone.

“Mmmm.”

I decided to join her and close my eyes for a bit, but an elderly woman and her daughter came into view. “Well, don’t blame me for that,” I murmured and nudged Louise, who opened her eyes, saw the patients, and shot me an accusing glance.

“Hello,” she said as she turned back to the women, and we both rose from the bench.

Who knew what waited for us once we got back to normalcy. For now, we had work to do.

Chapter 54

Fun times: that literal motherfucker of @hominishostilis wrote a response to a post that I made all the way back in 2017. Except that I discovered it just now, because he blocked me a long time ago because I dared to point out that he defended literal Nazis.

Anyway, since I hate him, here’s my reply to him.

1) You’re lying, lol. Not only did you call basically anything “repetition” without actually making any sort of argument, but you also called basically anything “false” without actually making …. any sort of argument.

This is completely false, by the way. For example, Hominishostilis claimed that me calling Richard Spencer “the father of the alt-right” was the funniest thing they ever heard anyone call Spencer. In response, I...

Linked to Wikipedia’s page about Richard Spencer, which describes his views in detail.

Linked to Wikipedia’s page about the Alt-Right movement, which explains where the movement came from and specifically cites Spencer’s webzine “The Alternative Right” as one of the sources of the movement.

I pointed out that Spencer was the one who coined the term “alt-right”.

I pointed out that Spencer is a speaker and organizer of many alt-right meetings.

I pointed out that Spencer promotes the same ideals as the alt-right.

I pointed out that a good chunk of alt-righters looks at Spencer as a leader.

This is NOWHERE near “calling basically anything “repetition” without actually making any sort of argument”, or near “calling basically anything “false” without actually making any sort of argument”.

Kind of like when you ignored huge swathes of things that factually proved you wrong in leu of presenting any actual rebuttal to them.

Note how Hominishostilis will never - and I mean NEVER - actually mention one single thing that 1) was supposed to factually prove me wrong and 2) I ignored without presenting any rebuttal.

2) It’s my post, on my blog - why would I need to link to it?

This requires some context.

You see, in this post, I answered one of Hominishostilis’ posts... without reblogging said post, because Hominis’ post was utter shit, and I didn’t want that shit on my blog. However, I always quoted the bits that I was addressing, without altering them; most importantly, at the beginning of my post, I placed a link to Hominis’ post. That way, if someone wanted to see Hominis’ post in full (for example, to see if I represented his post accurately, or if instead I deliberately omitted important stuff from his post), they could’ve done so.

Hominishostilis threw a shitfit, as you can see in this thread. He claimed that I edited his reply (I did not), then smashed what’s left together, out of context, as some kind of “gotcha” (it wasn’t a “gotcha”). He claimed that I cut out HUGE sections of his argument (because they were useless repetition), snapped up the quotes I figured I could use to misrepresent his argument (I represented his argument accurately), and then blocked him so that he couldn’t even reply (HE was the one who blocked ME). He also claimed that I was wrong to not reblog his post, because apparently I knew that lazy people would just read my response and agree with me (this doesn’t explain why I linked to Hominishostilis’ full post...).

The hypocrisy comes from the fact that not only Hominishostilis did NOT reblog my post; but, unlike me, he didn’t quote anything from the post that he was responding to, and didn’t link to the post he was responding to.

3) You literally can’t prove that, but you continually assert it as some kind of fact.

This refers to my claim that Trump is a fucking bigot. And yes, I did prove it. I asserted it as some kind of fact because it IS a fact.

You present it as a black/white situation while ALSO asserting there’s no other options besides the ones you present,...

That’s because there literally weren’t any options. Trump is a bigot; that is an undeniable fact. People who voted for him either knew that fact, or not; in the former case, they either considered Trump’s bigotry a positive trait, or a negative one. There are no other options. If you voted for Trump, the only possibilities are:

You didn’t knew that Trump was a bigot. You voted for him.

You knew that Trump was a bigot, and considered it a positive quality. You voted for him.

You knew that Trump was a bigot, and considered it a negative quality. You voted for him anyway.

...and that “by all evidence Hillary would have been better” - another assertion you can’t prove, lol.

Note that he never proved that Hillary would’ve been worse.

4) Bigotry “literally” doesn’t kill people.

This claim is completely and utterly absurd, not to mention contrary to all evidence and reason.

It’s also not an excuse to assault people because you *think* they might *eventually* hurt someone.

Yes, it is. If you have reason to believe that someone will harm other people, you’re allowed to act to stop them. It’s that easy.

What people label “hate speech” and “bigotry” has also been stretched over opinions that aren’t even hateful.

This is hilarious, considering that he constantly defends bigotry.

That’s the point you keep conveniently ignoring - you’re still pretending that only the most evil of evil people are the ones being attacked when it’s not. You’ve ignored all evidence of this and dismissed it because that would require you to think critically for two seconds.

No, I did not ignore that. However, I know the following:

One: only a relatively small minority of people on the left attacks inncoent people for no reason.

Two: Hominishostilis is an unreliable narrator. He actively defends neo-Nazis and denies that they did anything wrong. When people correctly called the neo-Nazis at Charlottesville “Nazis”, Hominis falsely claimed that they called innocent non-Nazi people “Nazis”. So, his word isn’t valid evidence. This means that, when he claims that we’re attacking innocent people, we cannot accept his word as evidence.

5) http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Trump+supporter+set+on+fire , you are a moron.

Hominishostilis is trying to rewrite what happened. The context is that he linked me to a video, claiming that it showed “Trump protesters literally sett[ing] a Trump supporter on fire”. I pointed out (correctly) that the video did NOT show what he claimed.

6) He really isn’t. I explained that rather thoroughly, but you again chose to ignore that whole argument and circle back to your “well he DOES STUFF VAGUELY LIKE NAZIS!!”,...

This is false, by the way. Both the claim that Spencer is not a Nazi, the claim that I ignored his “arguments”, and the claim that my arguments bioled down to “well, he does stuff vaguely like Nazis”.

then accused me of “defending him” (LOL) He’s a white nationalist, he’s a racist, but he’s still not a “Nazi”. You’re the New McCarthyists, but instead of The Red Menace it’s “errebody is a NAZI!” Not every racist nationalist is a Nazi.

Presented without comment.

7) Addressed this - it’s not just “Nazis” being attacked, it’s not even mostly “Nazis” being attacked. It’s mostly ordinary people, fellow leftists, and anyone who seems even vaguely conservative these days.

I’m cutting out this bullshit because, besides having been already disproven a million times, there’s the fact that the evidence that he brought to support his claim (his own word)... simply isn’t enough.

8) Nope. Debate them, mock them, show people how indefensible and stupid their arguments are. We’ve gone over this twice now, my guy - it’s not “Nazis” being suppressed.

Blah blah blah, I’m cutting out more bullshit.

Also, fun fact: this entire thing originally started when tumblr user Slimetony wrote: “how dare you advocate violence against people who advocate violence. let them advocate violence in peace. who are you to suppress their right to advocate violence.” Which highlights the hypocrisy of certain people (alt-righters included), who have no problems with bigots advocating violence for no reason; but have big problems with people who advocate for violence against bigots.

Slimetony mocked alt-righters, and showed how indefensible and stupid their arguments are.

Hominishostilis got pissed. He couldn’t accept it. He couldn’t accept the fact that Slimetony highlighted Hominis’ hypocrisy.

9)Until someone acts on it, that’s exactly what they are. They’re just words.

You know, I issued a challenge to all those who claim that hate speech - including advocating in favor of discriminating against / deporting / harming marginalized groups for no reason other that they dare to exist - is protected by “free speech”. The challenge is to:

Find one space (an online community, a country, a political party, an organization...);

Where hate speech (described above) was freely allowed;

Where bigotry did NOT quickly spread within said space, becoming more common and worse as a result.

Literally nobody who tried my challenge has ever succeeded. Ever. Which leads to the following conclusion:

When a space freely allows hate speech, it ALWAYS leads to said bigotry spreading within that space, becoming more common and worse as a result.

So, yes, hate speech, despite being “just words”, leads to violence unless challenged. If challenging it requires fists, I don’t have any problems with it - because it means that said hate speech is quickly leading to causing violence, at which point I’ll have to use my fists anyway.

Why did the RWBY staff never develop the ship of Jaune and Weiss?

Hello dear followers here a new review of a new ship and I must say I have a great pleasure to do, I guess many will wonder What is the title of the review? I will explain this in a moment:

I've been in the fandom for a long time and I've always wondered why some people want Weiss to be with Jaune? they even say that "it is better ship than the Whiterose" objectively this is false, but rather those who ship that couple want him to be "the worthy gentleman for her" even though in no scene they have chemistry, they do not give them time on screen. she has never treated him decently and of course no additional material has given "signs" of both, but some fans keep saying that Miles and Kerry will "make canon" just for being a ship of man and woman even without signs of anything.

As you know even when in the R.T series there are many obvious "Cliches", many forget that they also like to break many of the expectations of their audience by destroying many topics that are currently considered very stupid and their writers are aware of this.

"Stalking for love"

The answer to the question of the review came from that romantic Troop, if you've seen movies, series and even anime you'll see that in 70% of these media present this cliche:

-Protagonista without a girlfriend because it is not so "great" -One day meets beautiful girl and falls in love -But there is a small problem, she does not give back her feelings

When that which makes our "protagonist" obvious is not surrendered and insists on his "true love" does not matter if the harassing, insistent and uncomfortable and clear makes the ridiculous...even when this is presented as "romantic."...we have seen this again and again it is always the same, the protagonist always receives "prize" from the girl of his dreams.

I'll give you a current example, in the series "Stranger Things" with the "couple" of Nancy and Max where even though it is very ridiculous and even in the series itself they pointed out that this is not "NORMAL" in 70% of the scenes super uncomfortable and angry girl, but still made them a couple Why that? Well ... the guy has to get the girl obviously.

Many have said that R.T is "progressive" in many ways and partly they are right, something I realized is that they really do not like many tropes of "romance" or what a character should be.

RWBY and Genlock They are good examples, now the cliche of the harassment is something very unpleasant if we apply it in reality and the majority of people who analyze it agree especially women because they are the victims of those "insistent" people

R.T is very aware of this.

What does this have to do with the ship of Jaune and Weiss?

One of the reasons why the RWBY Staff and the majority of the fandom does not "ship" to Jaune and Weiss is because doing so would be to follow this Cliche so disgusting ... let's just analyze this ship

The first scene of Jaune and Weiss is where he gets between her in Pyrrha not respecting its limits and it is ridiculous, because that was the point, it does not matter if you are a "good guy or have confidence" you can not do that

The second scene is literally worse

The third scene is from chapter 8 of that Volume where Jaune neglects his teammate to become the "hero" and fails miserably.

The other scene of both is in chapter 11 where you see the issue of Jaune and his abuser ... but Is Weiss interested? Not at all, it was his team, Ruby and Yang who commented something about it but Weiss did not give a shit.

Again chapter 12 focuses more on Jaune and Pyrrha where he has a very evident inferiority complex ... but after a development he gets to overcome those things with some help from Pyrrha, in fact part of that arc was that Jaune learned to be a better person and accept the help of Pyrrha

Vol 2

His interaction was given in chapter 2 where he continues to be insistent in his "attempt" to get Weiss's affections and there he enters Neptune and his flirtation with Weiss but he had a good purpose in the Jaune Narrative (In fact I think he served exclusively in Jaune's narrative)

Chapter 3 where Jaune continues to insist and continues to make a fool of himself.

Chapter 5 of that Volume is where Jaune literally follows the same behavior of the idiots of the movies, but in this case he is rejected again, honestly I understand Weiss, someone like that is really very annoying

Chapter 6 is a turning point for Jaune because that's when he finally understands that no matter what "good guy" he is, you will not always get the person you think is ideal for you and so Neptune fulfilled his function even when his dynamic with Weiss was not going to be developed

For something the conlusion of his arc of "infatuation" of Weiss was so satisfactory, because this time the "Good Boy" of the story did not receive what he wanted, but he learned an important lesson and could focus on better things for him and no longer just waiting to "receive" something that "deserves", is a well written plot not so necessary for the plot in general, but defined the character of Jaune in a positive way ... for something in the Vol 3 Weiss and Jaune no longer have interactions other than the call to save Pyrrha.

Vol 4-5-6 Is there a possibility?

Honestly, those who like this ship, if they hallucinate too much because even though Pyrrha is dead, it does not change that Jaune is not someone important in Weiss life. He is just one of his companions and friend...in fact the Vol 4 was developed as Jaune deals with the loss of Pyrrha and his friendship with Ruby.

The characters matured due to the events of Beacon fall as well as their experiences, so some fans speculate "They have already matured, now if they liked it without needing the nonsense of the first volumes"

Which is a lie, the Lesson of the first 3 Volumes is still present and especially Jaune does not like Weiss in a romantic way because he not only learned that he can not get everything he wants but he has already learned to love in a not so superficial way.

I just want you to think about this. Did Jaune really like Weiss or the "ideal girl" image he had of her?.

Do they have more interactions?

In Vol 5 the character of Weiss was focused on solving Yang problems and in the end she returned with Ruby now in the house they did not have any time, in fact Weiss mocks Jaune for the joke of Yang and I even talked more with Ren than with Jaune in that place.

What about the big moment?

Cinder almost killed Weiss and with Ruby knocked out this would be Jaune great moment with Weiss....right?

Unfortunately nope, the writers could have chosen to start something. But did they? The truth is that no, in fact they involuntarily made this scene very funny.

Passes the drama Jaune unlocks his Semblance he keeps remembering Pyrrha...when Weiss regains his aura, she turns to look at him and says "continue" ... then she does not say thanks to him, the show does not even dedicate 5 seconds of time at least for the fandom to "get excited" with the ship, besides that they made Weiss focus again on Ruby since Blake returned with Yang...which is certainly the funniest part of that moment.

Vol 6

I honestly think that it is not necessary to say it, I mean until Blake was more affectionate with Jaune than Weiss and really the interactions of both in this volume are less than 2 minutes.

The Whiterose is the most developed dynamics of Weiss, they have had more interaction than Bumbleby himself but in this Vol the Whiterose had such a special treatment, that they even joined them in the opening that certainly if we compare it to Whiteking is shameful.

Conclusion

Objectively speaking, this dynamic is the deconstruction of one of the most hated topics by women in fiction and those who expect the Vol 7 "Develop" something is blind ... As I mentioned before in my previous review it is obvious that the 2 straight ships with Weiss were built to be sunk from the beginning, this is an irrefutable truth and the evidence is in the whole series ... but if some fan of that ship are not convinced just think this:

Why does the Whiterose receive focus in the Manga of Anthology? Why is Whiterose receiving attention in the Official Shonen manga? Why does not the narrative fit with that ship? Why do most dislike this ship? Why did Vol 6 link Ruby and Weiss so directly that it even laid the foundations for its development in Vol 7?

Why does the ship only have less than 10 minutes of screen in all rwby?

I think that's enough to realize that this ship not only does not make sense, it's one of the worst and it really has no chance..

think i lost my best friend

as a small child my first first best friend was a boy named omar. we met in daycare when we were two. we were the smallest in the class but had the biggest mouths. we ended up going to the same schools until 4th grade. at our elementary school anytime someone claimed me as a best friend, he would explain that we went way back to diapers and they weren’t my best friend lmao. 

in pre-k i met a boy named hakeem. (our mom’s ended up being friends, they still talk occasionally and sometimes my mom will tell me how hakeem and his siblings are doing. because she know my weird ass cares about that sort of thing). hakeem brought these lemon cookies everyday for snack. i liked them too but in strawberry, so he would have his mom get me some and he brought me those cookies everyday until we changed schools in first grade. we always sat together, did our work together, played together. we had other friends but we mostly did everything together. 

in first grade i had 2 best friends. a boy named franklyn and a girl named melody. melody moved away like 4 months into the school year but to this day i’ve never forgotten her. franklyn, i thought he was so cool. he was a really great artist.. for a 6 year old lol. he was real funny too. he had the funniest facial expressions. and he was real serious which i was entertained by because i’ve always been “silly”. 

in 4th grade i met a girl named shanelle. we were the shortest girls in the class and the smartest. we were really similar in general and we instantly clicked. it was a whole lil group of girls that i’d known since first grade. but shanelle and i ended up in the same class in 4th grade and we clicked idk. that was my mf girl. when i first moved to florida we talked on the phone every saturday for hours. i also met a boy named anias that year. he was one of my best friends too. he was also my first crush lol. unrelated but it’s interesting to look back at how i handled the fact that i liked him, because i still handle liking people that same way.

fifth grade was my first year in florida. it was real hard for me to make friends. the other day, my mom said to me she realized that in new york i never had to make friends. i have bout 5011 cousins, so that's built in friends right there. and they were my friends back then, they're my friends now. then most of the kids i went to daycare with, they went to my elementary school. so again i never had to make a friend really. i knew everyone in my life since i was a literal infant. 

but yea i did end up making friends eventually. got my first white friends ever lol. (one of their dad’s called me a nigger which is still hands down one of the weirdest things i’ve ever experienced.) i started to befriend more girls which was cool because before then i always had way more guy friends than girls. 

in middle school i went to one school for 6th grade, then another for 7th & 8th. in 6th i met my friend nijah. and she was my best friend then. she treated me like i was her little sister and i’m still grateful. she really looked out for my little ass and defended me no matter what. she was present after i got into my first fight lol. and even though i held my own, the girl had scratched my face. that shit set nijah off and she proceeded to beat homegirl’s ass even though i just did.

i struggled to make friends in 7th again. in 6th grade i went to the same school that most of my elementary friends went to, so again i didn’t have to make friends for real. i did make new friends but it was different because it was a group thing. not me alone trying to fit in somewhere. in 7th grade i finally got into a school i applied to in 5th grade but was wait-listed. i was and am very reluctant to speak to those i don’t know for a list of reasons. so i didn’t. i would just observe the people in my class. eventually these two girls named janae and keely who were best friends, kinda let me stick my ass in there with them. then i met bart and this girl dani. i remember marcus and i had ended up befriending one another bc our history teacher sat us next to each other when he was reassigning seats. (i remember every mf thing but marcus was also my second crush so naturally i remember every detail of that shit). so yea those were my friends. at the time janae was my best friend tho. she was the only other black girl in the class that would talk to me and didn’t think i was weird. it was because her ass was weird too lol. i didn’t act like the rest of the black girls and they really only spoke to me to make fun of me. which i knew, but i’ve never been one to entertain shit unless “you got beat my ass about it”. 

in 8th grade janae and i met this group of girls. morgan, dejahnna, atlantis, and jarvayssia. some shit shifted that year and morgan and dejahanna became my best friends. they were the first friends i ever hang out with outside of school. it made me feel so good to be invited to shit and to feel included. to feel like a normal ass 13 yr old felt amazing. 

so in high school there were two schools all the magnet school kids would usually apply to. stanton and paxon. with the exception of keely, bart, and a few other people i didn't mention here. every single person i was close with in middle school, went to paxon. what's crazy is most of my friends were going for stanton because in jax it’s the “better” school as far as ranking goes. i don't even remember why but when i toured paxon, i liked it more than stanton and i wanted to go there. it’s still funny to me that my ass didn’t want to go to stanton but was one of the only ones in my close friend group to get in. 

so yea at stanton is struggled. a lot. personally but also in the friend department. to put it plainly i had none. people didn't really talk to me or acknowledge me really. at first i didn’t mind it. but then having a fucked up home situation and having no friends just made me feel real shitty. there was that thing again, with people talking to me only to make fun of me. some of those same people would turn around senior year and try to be my friend senior year which was hilarious to me at the time. it was like they forgot how they treated my extra depressed ass back then. i met this girl chelsey in 10th grade and she was hella sweet. she basically forced me on her friends and they became my friends.

okay so anyway, in 11th grade i met a girl named ahmani. she was in my chorus class. i remember our first encounter, it was towards the beginning of the school year. stanton was playing paxon and it was the game everyone went to ya know. i wanted to go but my mom couldn't take me. so everyone is talking about it and someone asked if i was coming. i said no and why, ahmani ended up asking me what side of town i lived on. we realized we dead lived like 7 minutes away from each other. she offered to pick me up and bring me to the game w her. i was amazed that she was willing to, i know that dont sound like a big deal but to me it was. people weren’t nice to me bro. like ever. so for her to do that it meant a lot. she ended up being my ride every mf where. she is dead the reason i hung out w people outside of school w my friends. she took me everywhere with her. sometimes we would just sit in the car and talk or listen to music. we had a group of friends, it was 5 of us. but i was the closest with her. 

i admired her. i thought she was so strong and resilient. she's hella awkward but she owns it. she's low-key/highkey anxious sometimes but she works through it. no one i’ve ever met works harder to achieve shit than she is. she sings so beautifully. she is beautiful. she's a caretaker of basically anyone she knows. she is a light, she was my light for so long when i needed it. we’re pretty different but also a lot alike. we just worked. i always told her where i fall short she picks up my slack and vice versa. we might be a bit of a mess separately but our heads working together is unstoppable. we’re kinda a mess together too honestly but it’s us.

in college we didn't spend as much time together. we both stayed home for two years and went to a community college. we would hang out like weekly i think. i’m pretty sure we saw each other once a week at the very least. but then she went to orlando for university and i went to UNF which in jax. we didn’t talk all that much and i understood. i wasn't necessarily too busy, but thats because i just never am that fucking busy lmfao. idk the way i go through life is weird. i only make time for the shit and people i want to make time for. i refuse to do anything i dont want to. and that isn’t necessarily my best trait but I'm working on it. but yea i guess she was busier than i? idk when i don’t speak to people for a while i dont make a big deal. i tell myself it isn’t on purpose and i move on. i often tell myself not to apply more importance to my life than what is necessary. especially when others are involved. again, not my best trait but i’m working on it. 

so yea though our communication got limited i still considered her my best friend. when she would come to the city, if she had time we hung out. i always have time lmfao, always. again i know other people’s lives are more full than mine. well i assume so. anyway. we spoke on the phone. we were there when the other needed i think. i try hard not to need people. like not to call them or burden them with my issues. i try real hard. but when she needed me i was there. not to say i’ve ever needed her and she wasn’t there. because that isn’t the case at all. 

recently we planned to move to chicago together. a whole chain of events happened and now we aren’t. i’m still moving and i’m pretty sure she is too. just not together. the way it happened is really fucking with me. i don’t wanna get into it bc of privacy and shit. but i will say that i am hurt. im really hurt and im confused and im beating myself up over some shit that everyone keeps telling me isn't my fault. feels like my fault though. that feels like the only explanation. i dont know.

i’ve been thiniking a lot. about friends and how i never really had any. i just spoke to people so i wasn't alone or sometimes i just spoke to no one and made myself be okay with it. and now i have this group of friends and we’re like family. everyone that is my friend currently is my family. all of my friends i have currently i made over the internet. and i was bothered by that im not even gonna lie. it felt good to still have ahmani bc i would see her more than i see my other friends. i still have some i didn't meet yet. idk i just.. im the only person in my like personal life with internet friends. like in my family. and i felt like i just fed the fact that my family thinks im not even the least bit “normal”. then i started to feel bad. because it felt like that meant i was ashamed of my friends.and i’m not. i love them. i dont wanna lose any of them any time soon. and i’m realizing i dont need anyone’s approval to make those friendships “real” or valid. because they are real and valid to me. 

but yea i dont think ahmani and i will be friends anymore. or if we do end up being friends again, we probably won't speak for a while. i don’t know what that means. but losing a friend sucks a whole lot and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

do all the cat asks!!!!!!!

1. Name?- Pici and Mocsok

2. Fur color?- Pici is tricolor, Mocsi is tuxedo!!!

3. Any family you know (other than you)?- i dont know what this means tbh??

4. Age?- Pici is 2 yrs old, turning 3 in March and Mocsi is 4 yrs old, turning 5 in May (oh my god he’s so old!!)

5. Favorite toy?- neither of them really give a shit about toys no matter how many we buy them so :(

6. Nicknames?- i call Pici Babey or Picúr, and Mocsok’s nickname is Mocsi (or bastard)

7. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?- both of them are both kjsdfksdjf like, i think Pici is the sweetest lady that ever existed, while everyone else thinks she’s the spawn of satan; and w Mocsi, its the other way around, i know the shit he’s done, but everyone else thinks he’s an angel

8. Length of fluff?- normal length for both of them i guess??

9. Any funny habits?- oh man ksjddf Pici likes to announce before she goes in the litterbox and does her business and its the funniest thing ksdjfdskf- Mocsi .. is just not the brightest cat to ever lived, so when he wants to go outside, he will stand in front of the door and meow and scratch at it, and if you open it for him, he doesnt go out but just stands there and stares.. and he just won’t move if you dont nudge him

10. How old were they when you met?- we got Mocsi when he was around 4-6 months old, and Pici has been w us since the day she was born (literally akjfsdf her mother was my cat too)

11. What does their food bowl look like?- they have three bowls: one for the dry food, one for Mocsi, which is a little bigger, blue bowl w a cat’s head drawn inside of it; and Pici just has a basic aluminium one

12. Indoor or outdoor cat?- Pici is a strictly indoor cat as of last year’s summer, Mocsi is kind of like a mix? he is allowed to be outside w/o a harness (i know i dont like it either), but he comes in at night

13. Recent picture?

14. Old picture?

(Pici was only a few months old here

15. Cuddly?- YES YES YES

16. Ever changed their name?- yeah actually, Pici started out as Maki (which means monkey, basically) bc her meows sounded like monkey noises??

18. Eye color?- they both have yellow eyes!

19. How do they express love for you?- they purr and come into my lap, or sleep beside me. Pici likes to stand on my laptop blocking the screen. Mocsi likes to headbutt me, almost breaking my nose

20. How do you express love for them?- i pet them and cuddle up to them, pick em up and hold them in my arms - just the usual

21. Any theories on what breed?- nah, nothing they are just typical house cats

22. Do they ever wake you up?- YEAH Mocsi almost suffocated me way back when, by trying to sleep on my face asdhfklsdf

23. How much do they meow?- Mocsi only meows when he wants food or wants to go outside, so not much. on the other hand, Pici is very vocal (and has an attitude too) and i really really like it !!!

24. Any hiding spots?- hm. not really? or maybe under the bed or table

25. Do they enjoy guests?- Mocsi LOVES new people!!!! he will make friends w everyone and anyone. Pici…not so much (same)

26. Lofty objects to sit on?- we have this huge ass wall-to-wall closet in the living room which is p tall, they like to sleep there. otherwise, they just like to sit on tables

27. Wear a collar?- nah not since Mocsi almost suffocated himself w one

28. How much shedding?- Mocsi is alright, but Pici is a disaster

29. Do they enjoy brushing?- no:((

30. Ever drink from the toilet?- no????, but Mocsi does like to sit on it when the lid is closed dont ask

31. How do they get your attention?- by meowing? but i literally always pay attention to them so

32. Embarrassing thing they’ve done?- Mocsi almost suffocating himself w a collar or running headfirst into the wall. Pici’s p graceful so idk

33. Weirdest thing they try to eat?- Mocsi really likes potatoes for some reason?? and Pici always tries to eat my food

34. Are they like your siblings, children, or friends?- THEY ARE MY BABIES

35. What time do they eat breakfast?- after i wake up, so it depends

36. Do you cut their nails?- we only cut Pici’s nails (when we remember it)

37. Do you think they understand you?- i dont think Mocsok knows anything about this world tbh but im like 99% sure Pici understands everything

38. Ever make fun of them?- oh yeah. a lot.

39. Do you take their picture often?- everytime im home

40. Ever hiss at you?- Pici did!! i tried to take away a bird she caught

41. Ever try to scratch or bite you?- yea, but its all fun and games 

42. If you try to grab their paw, what do they do?- Mocsok doesnt give a flying fuck, Pici takes it away

44. Canned or dry food?- both

45. Weight?- Mocsi is 6 kgs, Pici is 2 kgs. according to google thats 13 lbs and and 4 lbs respectively

46. Ever got lost?- there were times when i was really worried bc Pici didnt come home in time, but they never got lost, no.

47. Do you buy them presents?- YES. just the other day i saw like, wine for pets?? and i really wanted to buy it but my mother didnt let me ://///

48. Do they respond when you call?- Pici does. im pretty sure Mocsok doesnt know what his name is

49. Do they ever see other cats?- yea. my brother has a cat too, so they usually see him, but who knows how many cats Mocsi sees when he’s outside

50. Declawed?- FUCK NO

51. Funniest expression?

52. Favorite place to be pet?- Pici likes it if you like….rub both sides of her face? and Mocsi likes chin scratches

54. Give them a head kiss.- next time i see them, i will !!!!!

55. What time of the year is most exciting for them?- i think its pretty neutral all throughout the year

56. Are they good at hunting real prey?- Pici was real good at it, she could catch birds mid-fly. Mocsok? nah.. he can barely eat his own food ksajfkdsf

57. Do they ever attack nothing?- attack? no. stare at it until i freak out? yeah

58. What are they doing right now?- idk im not at home :(( but its probably sleepy time

59. How long have you had them?- Mocsok for 3,5 years or so, and Pici, as ive said, has been w me since day 1

60. If you could have them stay as a kitten forever, would you?- i dont think so? i love them just the way they are

63. Have you ever stepped on their paw?- no but i did sit on both of theirs kasjkfsdf

64. Ever tripped you on stairs?- we dont have stairs so no

65. Any ear hair?- yeah!!! both of them have some

66. Favorite view from a window?- Pici just likes to spy the people who are on the street. Mocsi doesnt seem to know how to get to the window no matter how much he tries

67. Describe why they are precious.- i mean this whole post is basically about that kskdsf they are just goofy assholes who like to run around and fight each other. and sit/sleep on tables. and my laptop. 

68. Fit the cat stereotype?- Pici definitely does. Mocsok is like a dog in a cat’s body tbh

69. Chaotic neutral?- 100%

70. Do they enjoy following/ keeping you company?- oh dude yes, i cant even shower w/o them scratching at the door

71. Are you their favorite human?- i am definitely Pici’s favorite, but not Mocsi’s :’(((((

72. Do they like tv?- awwwwwwwwwwwwwww Pici used to watch cartoons when she was little, then she started watching like animal planet documentaries about big cats!!! but she lost interest. now she just likes to watch the things i watch on yt (her favorite is jacksepticeye. even if she’s asleep, she will wake up if she hears his intro. she would also like come up to me and meow at jack akjsdkjdsf its so cute)

73. Favorite noise to make?- i mean…purring…hellooo

74. If they were a Neko Atsume cat, what would their momento be?- pass

Thankful and delighted

I recently asked a friend to pray for me because he kept showing up in my dreams as if he has some advice for me but I couldn’t remember it when I woke up, so I messaged him asking if he happens to get any words for me id love to hear, and his words totally blew me away! He said he had been praying for me and actually wanted to share some things with me. Wow thank you God for those who can hear from you. Anyways he asked what are some things I have been most thankful for, so this post is for you!

Here are some things I’ve been so thankful for:

1. Father God has richly supplied for all my needs. My ark fam, my lodging, a new computer, fresh food, more health, the most beautiful location, even enjoyable work to do!

2. I’m thankful He has helped remove tensions of distrust that I was struggling with for a while. God challenged me to remove the walls of distrust I had erected to keep my mind safe from the differences I felt in our beliefs. But when I asked God why can’t I trust them? He said “because you don’t know them fully.” And when I asked “do you trust them?” He just said, “I love them very much.” Jesus has taught me that it’s possible to extend love without trust. That I had it wrong for thinking that trust was a prerequisite for love. God has really transformed my heart in this area and I feel so much clearer and lighter and happier! Praise the Lord!

3. I’m thankful to be living with folks who care so much about their health and what they eat. At first, I honestly judged my friends for being food elitists. I saw a parallel of how elitist I may come across when I only speak of how amazing it is to walk with Jesus and never invite soomeone and show them how they too can taste and see for themselves, the goodness of God. I was tired of “hearing” about all the great things they are doing to preserve their life by eating healthy and eating beautiful things. I thought “that life is only for the rich. What about all the poor people who can’t afford to eat like this? What a privilege it is to eat organic. I’ll just eat ramen because it’s cheap and I like it.” But God tapped my shoulder and told me I was judging and told me that I could eat healthy too, and that poor people can eat healthy too if I just feed them. God encouraged me that if I wanted to see the kind of care for others that I wanted to receive that I must learn how to fast and to give up my delicious healthy food to feed those who are hungry, and give drink to those who are thirsty. So I did, and I realized how much grace God gives each person everyday to live and move and have their being. I was filled with grace! I had grace to not eat, grace to give, grace to not judge, and grace over myself. And I felt God taught me how much he provides for his sheep and how much he desires them to be healthy. God gave me my body and I wasn’t stewarding it as much as I could. This is one gift I actually am super thankful for - that God has transformed my thinking of stewarding my body and health. It’s not selfish to eat healthy and take care of it. I can live on very little or a lot. And if that very little helps my body and does not harm it, then I am being a good steward. I can do both, live healthy and care for those who cannot make healthy decisions just yet. And if I preach good news, then the more powerful thing to do is to bring people in to experience it themselves.

4. God has given me more vision over my life than I previously had. I came with no plan, no agenda except to “come and see” to “follow him” wherever He was leading me. Meeting the folks here has opened my eyes to what it looks like to collaborate and build the kingdom of God together, globally. It looks like believing that one of our purposes is to redeem and reconcile the land and people back to God. It looks like introducing people to each other, even if they are across the world and saying hey you two should meet and God has knitted something similar in your hearts and share encouragements with each other. It looks like hopping on calls with people around the world to tackle problems that the Body of Christ has the ability to tackle yet we have given our strength and efforts to the man with money, instead of the King who desires heaven on earth and His will to be done. I haven’t had conversations like this in a while. I feel like I have received more sight, more vision, more collaboration across the global Church, more innovative possibilities of what it looks like to be missional and use our talents, giftings and calling to heal the bride and make her whole, unified and ready for the coming day!

5. I’m thankful I’ve been able to explore more of my artistic side here. I began designing some things for a friend, and started a 30 drawing challenge. Then started an Instagram! Check it out here if you want to see my doodles. This has awakened me to possiblities that I can be an illustrator and I can learn new tricks. 😂

6. I’m thankful for the many possibilities of what I can do here. One of the funniest things I have been doing is giving haircuts. It definitely seems that wherever I go, I give haircuts. I thank my mom for passing on her expertise to me and teaching me from highschool how to cut hair. I literally have customer bookings from people in the building I’m living in. I’m actually very excited to get to know random folks and share my story and hear theirs as well. Wow God you’re so good!

7. I’m thankful for the weather. Last time I came to London it rained so much and it was so windy and cold. I came at the same time last year... so I packed 2 rain jackets, 5 sweaters, 1 tank top, 1 shorts and 1 skirt. The point being I packed for cold weather. But when I prayed if I should go or not, God kept showing me blue skies and sunny days and nice clouds. I had no idea that it would be the reality of the weather im in now! It is blazing hot here! And I’ve been doing all the summer things like buying sunscreen, getting sunburnt, wearing the same one pair of shorts and the same tank top everyday. Lol but I’m so thankful my friend told me about Depop! I have since bought several summery things. Hehehe 😁

🌈 I drew the clouds I see everyday.

8. Thankful for the people here. At first it was hard for me to like the folks here haha. Can I be that honest? I really had my guard up. I’m the only Asian girl in the circles I’ve been in.  I didn’t like how some people spoke about things, accusing me of bringing Corona to the country, etc. I felt like I was among immature believers who were offensive and didn’t know it. But God told me he loved all of these people and even those who said racist things to me, as I too have spoken racist things and needed forgiveness. And he forgives me, and has seen me change; so I should forgive others too and believe they can change too.

He began to show me how much I need to speak with a thought-filled global heart posture. So more grace has entered in and I have begun to like the folks here. In the house church, I mentioned how I have no context for anyone and was wondering if people knew each other’s stories, and they didn’t! So we have been sharing our personal testimonies and it has been revolutionary! I feel like wow God you’re so crazy! These peoples lives are so crazy! And you brought everyone to this group? It makes me quite excited about the global body of Christ and how fun it will be in heaven to swap stories!!! Truly it was be jaw dropping.

9. I’m thankful for my Ark fam. This is the first trip where I felt so connected even while being away. Most trips, I don’t hear from a single person but this trip, because of corona times, I’ve been able to be “present” as if I had never left. It’s been something I’ve always desired and I’m so thankful I now have a context for keeping in touch despite time zones and locations.

10. The future. I’m thankful that while I don’t know what will happen, I believe God has my best in store. It’s a daily surrender of expectations but I feel God’s hand on my future like he has it. And I can let go. I can ask and dream and ask, and dream bigger. Thank you God.

Unexpected consequence 7

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

Got7 x Reader

Gang!Au

Angst

A/N: Hey everyone! Thank you so much for all the love! We really appreciate all the comments and love! Here’s the next chapter!

(Btw, am I the only one who thinks psychotic Bambam is sexy AF? Yes? Okay then... ~Yosei)

Disclaimer: This story is not in any way shape or form true. This is purely fiction. All the boys from Got7 are very sweet and charming guys that wouldn't hurt a fly. I love them all so much. So please, check them out! They are amazing people. Also, G-Dragon and T.O.P have been introduced. Those two are also the kindest and funniest guys out there, they are nothing like in this story. I will always consider Big Bang the king's of K-pop (they brought me into this fandom I can no longer escape from).

Trigger Warning: There will be swearing, kidnapping, holding hostage, torture and mentions of killing and drugs. So if you are uncomfortable with any of this, please don't read! ALSO THIS CHAPTER HAS A LOT OF MENTION OF MORE TORTURE SO PLEAAE BE AWARE. THANK YOU.

Chapter 7

        "We have to go after her.” Mark says, pushing his leader to the side.

        JB raised an eyebrow at the drug lord. “You want to break into Big Bang’s territory to take back a girl whom we only held as a hostage?”

        Mark nods. “I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but I have my reasons. One, I want my damn money. Two, she knows too much about us to keep her in the hands of the enemy. And three, we all have warmed up to her too much to let her go like that and you know it.”

        JB gives Mark a side glance. “You like her too, don’t you.”

        Mark sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, maybe. And I’m certain BamBam feels the same. But…” His gaze stops at Jinyoung who looks absolutely distraught. “I think Jinyoung feels something more for her, something deeper. You saw the way he reacted when they took her. I’ve never seen him like this before.”

        JB thinks this over and nods in agreement. “Alright, we’ll go after her. But we need to be smart about this.” He turns to the rest of the frantic gang and clears his throat. “Alright, Got7, we’re about to go on a rescue mission…”

Big Bang Hideout:

        You groan in pain as you start to regain consciousness. The first thing you notice is pitch darkness surrounding you. You attempt to move but your limbs are tied down to a chair. ‘Again?! ’

        “What the hell is this, kidnap Y/N week?” You mumble out of frustration, mentally cursing your horrible luck. Just then, the lights turn on, momentarily blinding you. ‘Well, this seems awfully familiar.’

        But instead of seven handsome young men, you see only two just as equally handsome, slightly older men. But there is something different about these two. The air feels a lot more sinister.

        “Well well, look who’s awake.” The red haired one pushes himself forward off the wall. He slinks his way towards you with an eerie smile on his face.  Once he’s close enough, he leans down and brings his face level with yours. “What’s your name cutie?”

         You give him a look of disgust and irritation. “Who wants to know?”

         The man infront of you chuckles and runs a hand down your cheek lightly. “Well, you’re a feisty one. The name’s G-Dragon. That one over there is named T.O.P.”

         You shake your head free from his hand and your eyes widened. “Y-you’re from Big Bang.” You say faintly.

         The blonde, T.O.P, tilts his head and eyes you carefully. “Looks like you’ve heard of us. Well, good. No introductions necessary.”

         You swallow the big lump in your throat and look G-Dragon in the eyes. “W-why did you take me from Got7?”

         G-Dragon tilts his head to the side while still remaining full eye contact. “Well, we really only came there to rob the damn place. But we got lucky finding you hiding away in there.” The shorter man smiles once again. “I’ve always wanted my own captive girl. Looks like I have one now. And such a cute one at that.” He leans over to give you a light kiss on your cheek.

         You flinch away from him. “Could you not touch me?!” You growl at the man while tugging at your restraints.

         T.O.P snickers at G-Dragon’s rejection and clasps a hand on his shoulder. “Man, you picked a good one.” They both turn to look at you. T.O.P has a very serious face, but definitely one that could kill a man with just one stare. And, that G-Dragon… ‘I thought BamBam and Jinyoung were bad, but…I have the worst gut feeling about this man’.

         G-Dragon snaps his fingers and T.O.P, without hesitation, leaves the room. Now it’s just you and this lunatic. He then starts to skip around and giggles like a little child.

         “Are you ready? Are you ready my little pretty?” He said in playful tune.

         “W-what do you mean? What are you going to do?” You say trying to be strong, but feel every living cell in you shake in fear.

         “I’m glad you asked, Y/N”. He stops from skipping around and the air became thick again. “You see, we as members of BigBang cover a wide territory. We have foot soldiers, if you will, all around town scouting for those who dare try us. It so happens, that I know your father just as well as Got7 does”.

         Almost forgetting your father in all of this even though he is the reason you’re in this mess, you say, “Yeah…What about my father? I know he already owes Got7”.  G-Dragon puts his hands behind his back with one hand holding the wrist of the other and his back still faces you. He doesn’t say anything.

         You hate being ignored and start to clench your teeth. “HEY! I am talking to you!” G-Dragon immediately turns and charges straight for your throat…Literally. The grip is so strong you feel the air being squeezed from your throat, his face an inch away from yours.

         “If you must know, Y/N, although Mark is the one your father owes money to, you have to remember drugs have to come from a source. Mark may think he’s pretty big around here, but he doesn’t maintain his own supply. He’s still a third party drug lord. Why don’t you take a wild guess where his stuff comes from?” You don’t answer him because you’re still struggling for air, but he shakes you and yells, “GUESS!”. You let out the last of your breath to scream back, “YOURS!”. He let go of your throat and you gasp for air.

         “Damn, right. Mine. Although we are rivals with Got7, we still maintain that part of the relationship because so long as Mark pays my supplier, then everything is fine. However, Mark promised money to be paid later so he can get a bigger supply up front. This was all for your father by the way. Well, we never saw that money come back to us so, I shot my supplier and replaced him.”

         G-Dragon circles you and it starts to make you dizzy. “You and your peasant of a father owe me money.” He grabs your face hard to force you to look back at him. “And since my money is not present…I guess you will do. The daughter of a trash father”.

         “SHUT UP!” You yell with all your might as tears fall to the ground.

         *SLAP* He gave you a swift and hard slap across your face. “YOU DARE TELL ME, G-DRAGON, TO SHUT UP? Bitch...  Just you wait.” G-Dragon spit at your face.

         T.O.P enters the room with a large rolling cabinet. Your eyes follow as he places this in front of you and G-Dragon. T.O.P opens the cabinet and it was just what you expected. T.O.P then leans against the cabinet all smug looking. “I can’t wait for the show”. T.O.P grins to G-Dragon making you extremely nervous.

         “Let’s get started then”. G-Dragon signals T.O.P with a quick head nod and T.O.P then comes to you to untie you. Though you try to wiggle free, T.O.P is twice your height and very strong. He then ties both your wrists together and gives your ankle cuffs that are connected by a chain. T.O.P forces you on your knees and grabs you by the hair, “whatever happened to the fire in this little one?” He shoves your head as he orders you to follow the instruction of G-Dragon.

         “Crawl to me”, G-Dragon said with all seriousness.

         “You think this is going to hurt me at all?” You scoff at him and smirk back. This makes T.O.P clap his hands, as if he’s rooting for you, but really he’s probably just getting off on this display like a psycho.

         “You really don’t know what you’re in for…I’m going to show you how we treat trash”. G-Dragon cracks a whip. He walks up to you caress the length of the whip against your legs. He tries to give you another kiss on your cheek, but you move quick enough to dodge it.

         “No one denies G-Dragon”. He swiftly whips your back. You let out a low growl, but they could tell you’re trying to hold your composure. He whips you without holding back, one after another. Your back stings so bad you couldn’t tell that there was blood running down your back and onto the floor.

         “Is that…*pant* is that all you got?” You taunt him, hoping he is not as bad as Jinyoung. G-Dragon grabs a sharp knife and puts the point right under your chin. “What makes you think I’m done here? I’m just getting started”. He grabs a handful of hair and holds it taunt. He laughs freakishly in your face as he takes one long, slow cut to your jugular. You wince in pain as the tears relentlessly fall and mix with the blood.

          G-Dragon comes behind you and kneels with you. He has you in a choke hold with the knife pressed against your chest this time. “What makes you think you’re so special? Who’s going to save you now? You’re mine…mine forever”. He caresses the back of your neck with his lips as he accurately cuts across your chest. You feel the knife lower towards your belly.

          “Please…stop, I’ll be your slave, just tell me and I’ll do whatever you want!” You unfortunately broke, but it wasn’t enough for G-Dragon and T.O.P.

          “I haven’t seen enough yet,“ said T.O.P from his golden throne which he has been spectating from all along. ‘What is with these men!?’ T.O.P then got up and got a smaller knife and motioned G-Dragon to take a break.

          “Hmph, I bet that knife is bigger than you,” you giggled with pride with your remark. ‘Crap, I just don’t know when to stop don’t I’. But, this doesn’t make T.O.P budge. Instead he walks in front of you and hits you with the handle of the knife. Though you drop and scream in pain, he quickly picks you back up by pulling your hair. “You think you’re so tough…It’s kind of cute,” he gives you a soft, sweet grin that it almost convinces you for a second you’re going to be okay, but then…

          You feel a quick stab to your belly. You couldn’t believe what just happened and all the while he still smiles at you. He stabs you again, and again, and leaves you to fall over onto your side. You cough up blood. ‘Is this going to be how I die?’

          T.O.P walks away from you and gets tagged out by G-Dragon. “Get up. Back on your knees, sweetie”, he said with a playful voice.

          It took all the strength you had to push yourself off the ground and balance on your knees. You look around you and see all the blood that has left your body. You feel how weak your body and your vision starts to become fuzzy. G-Dragon notices this.

          “Nope. You don’t get to pass out just yet”. He holds you up by your hair again and licks the tears and blood that mixed from the cut on your neck. “Mmmm… I can taste the pain and suffering”. He gives you a couple small taps to your cheek.

          “So, I noticed Jinyoung cut your legs…Pathetic”. G-Dragon grabs a different knife this time and re-opens the cuts on your legs. You scream in intense pain. They weren’t healed yet, but they were still fresh wounds. He then took the knife and dug into the wounds, twisting the knife back and forth. You almost collapse from all the torture, but he still holds you up to watch him torture you.

          He stops to lick the blood off the blade and he throws the knife away. He presses his lips against your ear and whispers, “you’ll never get out of here alive”. He pushes you to the ground and steps on your face hard so that your cheeks are squished. “This is your reality now”.  G-Dragon then wipes his hand with a white cloth and tosses over the blood-covered cloth over to you. G-Dragon and T.O.P leave the room.

          You feel so weak and you lay in a pool of your own blood. But before you lose consciousness you let out a little wimper, “Jinyoung…Save me…”

Got7 Headquarters:

          “Alright BamBam, I gave you a walkie-talkie for now since I have not been able to hack into their system just yet. They have one of the strongest firewalls I have ever seen,” Youngjae clicks away on his laptop.

          “BamBam, you will be our eyes and ears. We need you to scope the area as well as successfully infiltrate the building. You must be on high alert at all times,” JB explains sternly and somewhat nervously.

          “Don’t worry boss, it takes a psycho to know how a psycho works!” Mark exclaims and Jackson laughs in agreement.

          Though JB agrees, he cleared his throat and signaled for BamBam to be released. Before BamBam left Jinyoung grabbed his shoulder.

          “Please…I – “ Jinyoung’s voice cracks. His head is lowered and his hair drapes over his face.

          “Stop that, I got this. I’ll get her back,” without hesitation BamBam runs out to fulfill his mission.

          The rest of the men gathered around Jinyoung in support. “Alright guys, here we go,” JB said with determination.

BigBang Hideout:

          “BamBam, do you hear me?” Youngjae says loudly into the mic.

          “Yeah! Loud and clear…Pipe it down will ya?” BamBam said while he adjusts the volume on the walkie-talkie.

          BamBam scopes the outside of the hideout and effortlessly bypasses their booby traps and alarms. “Hmm…That was a little too easy”. But, he continues on not thinking too much about it.

          “Alright guys, I’m in,” he reports to his gang.

          “Cool, I’m almost in their system, I just have one more set of codes to hack and then I’ll be in. Just be careful not to trigger anything,” Youngjae explains.

          “Yeah, yeah, don’t worry my little techie,” BamBam says almost flirtatiously to Youngjae. The rest of the guys roll their eyes.

           BamBam slowly checks out each of the rooms in hopes that one of them will have Y/N in it. “C’mon, c’mon…How many rooms are there!?” Finally he reaches a room and notices weapons and blood all around. “Oh boy, this can’t be good…Hey, you guys…”.

          “Alright, I’m in their system,” Youngjae says with pride.

          “Guys – “ BamBam says more seriously.

          “I’m starting to get feeds from all the rooms in which they have cameras, so now – “

          “GUYS!!” BamBam loudly says into the walkie-talklie.

          “What’s wrong BamBam?” JB says to BamBam while trying to look at the different screens to see if he can find the feed  where BamBam is in.

          “This…This isn’t good. I’m in the East wing of the building. I see…lots of weapons…and blood”

          “Hold on…I’m rerouting the codes…and…Okay. We can see you and hear you from the camera. We also have control to move it around.”

          BamBam follows the trail of blood to see Y/N out cold and covered in cuts. BamBam quickly assessed you to see if you were breathing and had a pulse. “She has a pulse…But, it’s very weak… She’s also not breathing too well…I gotta get her – “

          * BAM * The feed cuts out and there’s just white noise on the screen.

          “BAMBAM!?... Y/N!? WHAT HAPPENED?” Jinyoung yells into the mic.

          The screen is full of white noise, but the sound was still on. All the men stare in vain hoping to get a response from somebody. Anybody.

           Well not just anybody.

           G-Dragon laughs slowly and maniacally only getting louder and louder. “Nice try, boys”.

1-100 of the Holby asks 😎

okay buckle up kids, it’s gonna be a long ride(would also just like to apologise right now for the fact 90% of these questions will have the same answers… three guesses as to which)

also I tried to do a “read more” so this wouldn’t take up your dashes but it didn’t work, soz

100 Questions about Holby City

1. Favourite present character?The queen of my life Jac Naylor obviously2. Favourite past character?My precious child Jasmine Burrows (although it pains me to call her a past character)3. Least favourite present character?Fredrik Johanssen, I literally just don’t care about him at all4. All time favourite character?Jac Naylor5. All time least favourite character?Isaac Mayfield maybe? 6. Favourite recurring character?Does Emma Naylor count??? Also Lexy the vicar7. Favourite nurse?Present - Essie, all time - Chantelle8. Favourite senior doctor?Always has to be Jac9. Favourite junior doctor?Jasmine10. Favourite ward?Darwin without a doubt11. OTPs?Jac/Jonny (also lowkey Ollie/Tara, Ollie/Zosia, Arthur/Morven, Jas/Morven, Jac/Zosia)12. NOTs?Essie/Raf!!! Also Jonny/Bonnie for obvious reasons, Jac/Matteo13. Favourite friendship?Jac/Mo, Jac/Zosia, Jasmine/Morven, Mo/Jonny14. Favourite family relationship?Do I even need to answer this??? Jac and Jasmine forever until the end of time15. Favourite actor/actress?Rosie Marcel16. Favourite quote?Current fave is still “you got the cheekbones, she got the smile” but the “foetus in scrubs” line will always be iconic, as will most of Jac’s lines 17. Favourite current storyline?Jac grieving over Jasmine even though it’s not properly kicked off yet18. Least favourite current storyline?Fredrik, also Essie/Raf19. All time favourite storyline?Jac and Jonny’s relationship/Jac’s pregnancy20. All time least favourite storyline?In terms of boring??? idk but in terms of painful then Tara’s death/Arthur’s death/Jas’s death (sensing a theme here)21. Favourite series? Of what I’ve seen, 15, 16 or 1922. Least favourite series?Don’t really have one23. Favourite episode(s)?I mean… the list is endless but my most faves are probably S14 E41 From Here To Maternity, S16 E13 Self Control, S19 E26 It’s Only Love If It Hurts, S19 E38 Paper Wishes 24. Least favourite episode(s)?Again, there’s loads of boring ones but in terms of most painful it has to be S15 E27 Great Expectations and S19 E37 (I can’t even bring myself to write the title lol), even though the episode itself is incredible25. Favourite scene?Too many… Jac helping Mo give birth, Jonny asking Jac to move in (almost all of their scenes tbh), every scene from Self Control, Jac comforting Zosia after Arthur’s death, Jac and Zosia in the taxi, Jac protecting Jasmine from Serena, Jac and Jasmine laughing in the locker room, both Jac’s locket scenes… I’ll shut up now26. Saddest scene?Jasmine’s death (see also Tara’s death and Arthur’s death)27. Funniest scene?I genuinely can’t even pinpoint one off the top of my head, there’s so many but the locker room scene is up there 28. Scene you’ve re-watched multiple times?Again, loads but Jac and Jasmine’s locker room scene and Jac helping Mo give birth are probably my most watched 29. Most inspiring moment?Idk??? Not so much inspiring as makes me proud, but Jac realising she can be a good mother springs to mind30. Favourite patient?Maybe the young farmers on Darwin31. Favourite cast photo?The second to last one they released32. Favourite cast member?Rosie Marcel33. Describe Holby City in five words.A truly life ruining show34. Describe your favourite character in five words.Queen of my fucking life35. Character you want to return?Jonny Maconie36. Character you want to be treated by?Jac 37. Character you least want to be treated by?Isaac38. Character you never expected to like as much?Jasmine, Zosia39. Character that deserves more screen time?Morven40. Character with the best bedside manner?Mo41. Character with the worst bedside manner?Fredrik42. Character you’d like to be more like?Jac43. Character you first fell in love with?Jac44. Character that you like/love that everybody else dislikes/hates?Idk I can’t think of one??? 45. Character that you dislike/hate that everybody else likes/loves?Can’t think of one46. Character you used to love but no longer do?Idk47. Character who has the best one-liners?Obviously Jac48. Character with the coolest name?Estelle Ava Harrison49. Hottest character?Jac and Ollie50. Sassiest character?Jac51. Best-dressed character (out of scrubs)?Jac, Zosia52. Most caring character?Mo53. Funniest character?Jac54. Most boring character?Fredrik55. Most intriguing character?Jac56. Most entertaining character?Jac (am boring myself with the repetition here, don’t say I didn’t warn you)56. Most relatable character?Jasmine, Mo, Donna57. Most misunderstood character?Jac, Jasmine58. Character you feel most sorry for?Jac, Morven59. Character that annoys you the most?Fredrik60. Character you’d most like to slap?Fredrik61. Character that you have mixed feelings about?Nina and Matteo62. Character(s) you’d like to see get their own spinoff show? Jac, Jasmine, Jonny and Emma pls63. Characters that you’d like to see interact more?64. Jac and Morven bonding over Jasmine, Jac and Damon, Ollie and Morven 65. Character you would bring back from the dead?…..if you don’t know the answer to this by now you’re in the wrong place (of course it’s Jasmine)66. Which character’s death would you never get over?I’ll never get over Jasmine’s obvs, but I actually don’t think I’d cope at all if it was Jac67. Character(s) you’d like to leave?Fredrik68. Which character’s past would you like to learn more about?Morven, Damon69. Most upsetting exit?Jasmine, Arthur, Tara70. Favourite character rivalry?Jac vs everyone 71. Last character to make you cry?Jac72. Last character to make you laugh?Damon73. Last character to make you angry?Fran fucking Reynolds74. Last character to break your heart?Jac75. Last character to make you proud?Morven76. Character you’d like to see develop more?Morven, Damon 77. Thoughts on last week’s episode?Quite enjoyed it but am in serious need more Jac coming soon 78. Which character’s name do you first look for in the cast list whenever looking at spoilers?Jac79. Earliest memory of the show?Jac and Jasmine meeting for the first time80. How did you get into the show?The Casualty30 crossover81. Which colour scrubs do you think would suit you the most?Probably the Keller burgundy ones, but I’d only wear Darwin blue bc I’m loyal to my squad so x82. If you could choose any one of the current characters to remain on the show forever, which character would it be?Jac83. How long have you been watching the show for?Just over a year84. Have you ever had any Holby-related dreams?Yes, about Jac and Jasmine 85. Things you’d like to see happen in the 20th anniversary episode(s)?Anything as long as it involves Jac taking centre stage (and she has to be okay)86. Five things you’d like to see happen on the show?Jac and Jonny reuinion, Jac and Morven to interact more, a Casualty crossover where Jac meets Sam Nicholls, Mo/Zosia/Cara to return87. Three things you love about the show?How relatable the characters are, how inspiring they are, the fact it’s such a good show to escape from your own issues88. Cast member you’d most like to meet?Rosie 89. Have you ever watched any films/shows/shorts starring any of the cast members (in a different role to their character on Holby)?Some of Rosie’s and Lucy’s90. Three things that you’ve learned from watching the show?Lots of medical stuff, that the best friendships are often the unlikely and unexpected ones, not to put a scalpel in your pocket (thanks for that one Jas x)91. Do you have any predictions about anything that might happen on the show in the future?Not really beyond the spoilers of Jac and Fletch growing closer, I’m still praying for a Jac/Jas grave scene like the one in Casualty tho92. Famous person you’d like to see make a guest appearance as a patient?Can we get Lorraine on??? She’s the biggest stan I swear93. If you had the opportunity to appear on the show, would you?Um YES, in a heartbeat94. Do you sing/hum along to the opening theme tune?No I get palpitations bc this show ruins me x95. Is there anything that you would like to see be made canon on the show which probably never will?Is it too much to ask for Jasmine to rise from the dead??? And for Jac and Jonny to reunite??? And Morven and Jac to be friends???96. What do you think would be an interesting storyline for the show to explore?I wish they’d show Jac having a full scale mental breakdown after everything that’s happened to her, it’s almost inevitable at this point plus time be great to have more mental health rep 97. If there was something that you could change about the show, what would it be?For Jasmine not to be dead x 98. Favourite Holby City fanfiction?As in which pairings or which stories? There’s way too many of the latter, but I read anything Jac-related and occasionally some Zollie tbh99. Favourite Holby-related blog? I have loads100. Favourite thing about the Buckle Fandom? How sweet and respectful everyone seems to be!!! It’s the least problematic fandom I’ve ever been in honestly and I love it

THIS WAS LONG AF IM SORRY but I had so much fun answering all the questions ahhhh, thank you!!!

DiRT Rally -- DORIFUTO NO NO NO

I've never been a believer in superstitions, magics, or the occult. But if one day I happen to come across a shooting star, I would like to make a wish so that a time machine can be a real thing that's functional within my lifetime so I can go back in time, punch past me in the face, and ask myself "What the fuck were you thinking? Why did you buy this game?". Granted, it was my friend that invited me to buy DiRT Rally on the basis that it can be played together for shits and giggles to tide us over until the next MHW updates. But really, what was I thinking? The last racing game I touched within years was Need for Speed: Most Wanted, and the most recent game that fits the bill is Euro Truck Simulator 2. And comparing ETS2 to DiRT Rally is like comparing me to Mick Jagger. One's big, slow, and mundane, while the other is flashy, popular, and probably involves cocaine at some point.

Oh but whatever, you don't come to me to listen about my story, you come here for my assessments about games, so here we go. Consider this to be what happens when a rally scouting agent got so piss-drunk that he thinks signing up a truck driver as a rally driver is a good idea. Hmm, actually let's roll with that, let's do up with some role-play to keep things interesting.

So let me present you the story of how a truck driver's world went upside down after being signed up as a rally driver, starring Mr. Johnny Tanktop

Hello there, my name is Johnny Tanktop. I am a truck driver and part-time wifebeater. I was doing my usual round of stout at the local drinking hole when I noticed a guy had been eyeing me for a while. Finally after his fourth pint, he brisked his way over and sat on the empty stool beside me. My first thought was "there goes my bum's virginity". He spoke to me, and I soon find out that he's a rally team manager. Phew! I guess my bum will stay unsullied for a while. He's been going around scouting for fresh talent and I seem to fit the bill. Actually about half the fucking country would fit it too, since all he said he needed was ”a good pair of both limbs and a driving license”. Since he promised me good earnings with skills I'm already familiarized for a long time, I decided to take up his offer.

The next day, I went to the place he promised he’d meet me. It’s a run-down old garage next door to a grocery store. “This does not seem promising”, I thought to myself. I knocked on the door a few times, and he came to the door to let me in. To my surprise, he had nothing in his garage but an old computer hooked up to an even older monitor on a desk. He told me that he's about to teach me on how to be the best rally driver ever. When I pointed out to him the lack of automobile, he just laughs and pointed to the computer. Turns out it's filled with video clips of rally tutorials. You what? Are you really expecting me to be able to drive rough terrain at breakneck speeds after watching 5 videos? By that logic I should've been crowned king of the world from all the YouTube videos I've watched, along with everyone else! But whatever, no use whining now, might as well try to absorb whatever knowledge I can before I inevitably crash and burn, literally. 

The videos are helpful in the same way as showing a presentation about genetic splicing to grade-schoolers. It's advanced shit with mumbo jumbo up the ass that you can't help but think that it was meant for people with way more knowledge than you, but you're supposed to nod your head and pretend that you know about the subject matter anyway. I mean you can tell me all about weight distribution, traction, pitch, yaw, but they're very much useless unless I feel it myself while driving. Like for example, what the hell is a "Scandinavian Flick"?

Personally, that's what I call "finger-banging a nordic woman" 

These videos does not help me in any way whatsoever because these are all theories. You know what would help me? A practice track. A real one, the one with cones, the one with courses focused on certain aspects of driving, the one with an automobile instead of a 14-inch CRT monitor. I believe a practice track is super important, and not having one is going against common sense. I mean what? Are rally drivers born with a stick shift in hand and starts drifting in their baby strollers by the age of 4? But after all has been said, I noticed that the manager has already fallen asleep about halfway through my rant. I woke him up, and somehow all he took from it is that I'm ready to race. Seeing how there's nothing else to do, I begrudgingly agreed on it anyway.

It's on to professional career it is

So the boss man gave me a set amount of cash. I used the majority of it to buy the shittiest car from 1960 from a nearby dealer. I notice that there are loads of varieties of cars, just teasing me with cutting-edge technology, 6 gears, and a chassis not made out of repurposed biscuit tin. I think this is a tactic to tempt me into working hard so one day I can afford those hot rides, but I don't care. I then meet up with the manager and turns out he's already enlisted me into a rally in Greece. He told me to get ready, but all I can hear is "I've chosen this lovely countryside road as your grave spot. Don't forget to sign the insurance papers, also can you tell me your next of kin?". But you know what? I'm in too deep this time. I've gone and bought a car, I watched all the videos, might as well pretend I'm professional now. Hearts and minds, right? 

Well few days later and I'm actually in Greece. As far as I can tell, this is some real shit that's going on. They got tents, officials, I even got a faceless stranger to fill in as my co-driver. Hang on now, shouldn't my co-driver be someone I know? Shouldn't one of my friends that I've trained and bonded with be the co-driver? Also shouldn't you teach me what the fuck his signals fucking meant? What the fuck is '90 turn left actual'? What the hell is a 'joker'? Why do we have to take it? I'm not in a fucking bat-mobile, am I? Is rally driving just a part of the Batman training program?

I think I know where this is going

I mean the 2 minute tutorial is unfair enough, but withholding some information is just fucking with us. You know what? Fuck. This. I'm gonna drive anyway. Whatever happens, happens. So off I go to the starting line in my car. Helmets on, seat-belts buckled, next-of-kin notified, light turns green, and pedal to the metal. I was in control for a while until my robotic co-driver spouts more of his nonsense. All I can do is try to comprehend his speech and wing it. Three more turns and there I was; face down, ass up, and holding on to dear life. Although the officials might've been fucking Merlin and Gandalf because my flipped car got teleported back into the upright position and neither me or my co-driver suffered any damage. I got out of the car, about to see my manager and give him a piece of my mind, but soon I found out that he's nowhere to be found. All I can find is a ticket back home and word that he's took off to find newer talent. With a heavy heart, I decide to retire immediately, fly back home, and do what I do best: trucking and occasional spouse-beating

Well, that about summarizes my experience with the single player content, now let's talk about the reason I bought the game: multiplayer

So here we are, me and my 2 friends, about to have a race together. I asked them about how the game's been treating them so far, and turns out it's the first time they launched the game and that I'm the one with the most experience. Ho ho ho! I can already imagine how this night will turn out! Instead of one inexperienced driver crashing his car, there will be THREE inexperienced driver crashing their cars. But whatever, we tried it anyway... With the expected results. Turns out we are all terrible and have none the slightest knowledge on how to drive rally. It was madness! If this was a real rally event, I could already imagine the people watching this bursting into tears with laughter at this amateur hour. I'm sure we just became the three biggest idiots on the race track. There's one guy who always gets a time penalty over 30 seconds, another guy that always has one of his tires flew off no matter what cars he used, and then there's me: going as slow as chauffeuring an old lady with a heart condition through a crowded school zone. But the funniest thing is that I still win because the others fuck up more. At least that was the case until they find the brilliant strategy of ramming me off the goddamn road, those wonderful human beings.

Aside from fucking around on the track however, there is nothing else entertaining we could find. I mean there's only like 2 tracks available, and crashing ourselves silly can only carry so much gameplay. There are actually more tracks that we can unlock, but unfortunately, to unlock it, we have to progress through the campaign, which means doing that sign reading type of rally that we can't do. And that means we can't progress any further because we aren't actually interested in the gameplay to begin with. So we all said "what the hell" and promptly forget about the game and never speak of it again.

In Brief

It only takes 2 hours of gameplay for me to know what kind of game this is. This is a game for enthusiasts (and by enthusiasts, I mean maniacs). The kind of guy that owns steering wheel controllers they welded into a deck while sitting on a repurposed leather seat from a Mercedes. The kind of guy that wanks to pictures of cars, all the while praising the angle in which it opens its doors. The kind of guy that knows all about your engine problem but lacks the mechanical skill to actually fix it. The kind of guy that brags about his fastest lap times in the game but has to bribe the DMV after the 22nd failed attempt on his driving license. 

Slamming aside, that's really all I can say about the game, because this game simply isn't for me. I do not own the necessary knowledge or passion to pass judgement to this game. So take my words as mere winds passing through a valley. I really should've ended it with a race-themed metaphor, but I don't care.

27/11/2019